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originalwinnercheesecake · 7 months

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Hearing about the Hunger games continuation and thinking about all the Story continuations/prologues I wish we could get for The Underland Chronicles

Gregor's dad

I want To know what Gregor's dad (Who I want a name for... Steve, Lee, Heidi... What is his name? ) first trip to the underland was like. How was he found and brought to Regalia? We know he met Vikus and Luxa's Parents, SO what did he think of them? The Books say he stayed in Regila for two weeks (During which time he was very worried about his pregnant wife, children, and mother) and that he took a BB gun from the Museum. So I am guessing he knew about the war with the rats, but his family was in hell and he felt he had to get back soon. What happened during his capture.

I don't really want to know about his torturous time with the rats, but I would like some on how he was able to keep both hope and his humanity, the interesting relationship he is hinted to have had with Ripred in book 3 (He says Ripred used to feed him sometimes. He also was not scared of Ripred, Even though he was a rat and was "pretending" to attack his son). And lastly I want to know what coming home felt like for him and why, unlike his wife, the experiences did not make him fear or hate the underland.

Ripred

Speeking of Ripred I want All of his backstory, being a pup and growing up with his litter mates. Going into battle and finding out he is a Rager. How this made him famous all around the Underland, but also made him hated by enemies, and feared by allies, unless they needed him. What was going on when He tried to "Take over the fount with an army of Lobsters"? Seriously the Rat's don't even want The Fount. It is surrounded by rapids and sea monsters! What did was your interest Buddy?

Also I want to see his Mate, their family, and how their loss first broke him then made him change his stance on the war. Him building his relationship with the human side. Going up to the Overland to visit Libraries. His view of his relationships with Gregor and Lizzie and how it feels to him to being taking care of kids again after so long.

Hamnet

Up Next is Hamnet. Solovet and Vikus son, the beloved twin brother to the wife of the King/Queen, Brother in Law to the King (recently reread has me thinking they had more of a business relationship than a familiar one), the Regalian Army's most skilled soldier, and for a long time he was Solovet's heir to becoming captain of the Army, because everyone thought he was just like his mother. This is what everyone thought, but they thought wrong. Unlike Solovet Hamnet felt guilt. Guilt that drove him to speak against his mother in a war meeting to which she locked him in the dungeon for a month. When he was finally let out he went back to being obedient to her and buried his grief down, let it eat away at him, until one last horrible act (As a solider) destroyed him.

But give me Hamnet's complete story. Show him being a ruthless soldier and a fearsome killer on the field of battle, then coming home to be a loyal son, good friend, loving brother, and doting Uncle; becasue that is how many soldiers have to be. Show me him not being Okay but doing his best to hide that because that is all he could do. Then show me when everything went to far, and when he decided to leave Regalia, everything he knew and loved and run to a place that he and all his allies feared, for good reasons. Show me him missing his former friends and family. But also show me him meeting Frill and her deciding to take a chance and help him, him also taking chance and letting her (The books generally imply he wanted to leave his old life but did not expect to make anew one). Give me him learning about life in the jungle. How the animals there do not attack each other and instead employ a method of survival where first you hide, then you try to give a warning, then run. fight last. Show me him finding an overland women lost in the jungle and helping her. With the pair eventually forming a relationship and going on to have a child. Why did she never return to the Overland? Hamnet is a good father to Hazard, but you cannot tell me that he wasn't terrified during the entire pregnancy. Anything about Hamnet has to end where he ended. Having to once again fight in a pointless battle on behalf of Reglia, that the city once again brought on itself and got nothing out of. Our tragic beauty

Ares

Speaking again of Tragic Beauties I want Ares to. What kind of Stuff did he get up to to earn the reputation of a reckless, rule breaking, ...thrill seeker?...strength tester? To where he bonded with Henry to be able to get away with more. What were things like in the time HE and Henry were together. I don't think it was all bad. The Books clearly state that what hurt Luxa, Ares, Aurora, Nerissa the most was that they had loved Henry and could remember good things about him. Things that no longer felt the same after he betrayed them, and things they struggled with only becoming memories in the wake of his death. But the also show me his side of his and Gregor's bond, of him coming to love Gregor like he once loved Henry, and how their friendship helped him move on from the Trauma Henry put him through.

Nerrisa

This last one will never happen because its not really Susanna Collins style, but since none of this will happen, I want more Nerissa. What is it like for her loving her family and people so much, but knowing with her frailty and the Kingdom consistently being on the brink of war she cannot protect them. Show me what her visions are like for her. Note whatever we learned about Sandwhich I do believe Nerissa is an actual visionary. Her Visions of a bad and mysterious fate happening to Henry, Hamnet living for 10 years and building a diverse family, and Gregor being secretly being hidden away in the dungeon by Solovet...all came through.

Knowing that I have another question: Did she know suspect that Sandwhich was a fraud? Nerissa spends more time in the Prophecy room, analysis them than any other character. Many of the "misunderstood translations" are later "explained" by Nerissa. She got Gregor and the other questors off death row by replacing Boots with the Bane as the aforementioned "Baby" in the prohpecy and telling everyone: "they actually did complete the prophecy, you are are safe from the imaginary threats Sandwhich illueded to. Let them go and let's get back what's actually going wrong." When Greogor sobs about not understanding what the point of the journey to the jungle was (It had no point) and how him fulfilling the prophecy did not make everything better, Nerissa twist the prophecy to being about a war for the cure and reminds Gregor that because of what they discovered in the Jungle the council was forced to give the Gnawers the cure instead. Lastly she loves the one Prophecy that suggest hope for peace, even though its title is the only suggestion of it. On the day of the surrender she knowing her cousin will want to make the wrong choice about how to end this. So when she see's Ripred marked himself with an X (If Gregor and Luxa knew he did it himself there was no way Nerissa did not, she was always smarter than the pair of then) she decided to lend him a hand in getting everyone to believe he is the peacemaker, and they need to have peace. I really love the theory that Nerissa had realized what Sandwhich and the prophecies were and spent the books studying them, so she could try and mitigate the damages they caused.

#Gregor the overlander #The Underland chronicles #The Hunger Games #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #IF we can get more of one lets get more of the other #The Hunger games series is all centered around the games and we already have their end #as well as how they got descised as “Fun entertainment”#Which they never were. Just because Katniss and Peeta got dressed up and spent the night in a nice hotel room #Does not change the fact that both they and Lucy Grey were forced to kill or be killed for the capitals amusment. It is the same with Finni #and Johnna. There stores will not give us anything knew.#But their is plenty of TUC characters who's stories still have room too #I wish Suzanna or some clever fanfic writter could write them for us #THG #TUC #GTO #Suzanna Colins

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lira456 · 10 months

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Sasuke's revolution is 100 percent effective and has foresight only demerits is you have to kill few super powered shinobis like 5 kage and naruto well warcriminals, maniac killers, ignorants, hypocrites like them deserved painful death who belived in their own village interest without giving damn innocent lives and crimes like massacre morelike genocide,child soldiers,invasion etc, anbu culture etc.

Thing is Sasuke's revolution had its merits, we know through many revolution and lessons of violent wars and loss and human greed today we achieve constitutional republic where also prioritizes lives and rights of minorities like uchiha clan civilains(not rebellious faction who planned the coup but innocent children like izumi uchiha and yashiro's 7 years old son who did not agree and know about the coup) or vulnerable and naive child like rin and ryogi and boruto who would indoctrinate to the system without knowing truth of shinobi past, even think of its honorable to die for the village, sad ending,conclusion and execution and future. That's why support sasuke's revolution, his first task to create deterrent and make 5 villages hate him and some might fight against him and defeat them only killing the strongest shinobi would be enough to slowly shinobi losing their desire to fight against him and but they will stick together for assistance and in case of shortage of power if sasuke attacked suddenly with that sentimental fear, then slowly sasuke would go for social,law related change then political then with progress go for the economical change and they go for the continental and international change thus totally destroy the shinobi system and past, only new way chakra usage with strict laws and regulation for every sides with equal footing so that no one used it for wrong purpose or be questioned immediately, sasuke needs only 60-100 years to destroy this system and create another one to make people used to the new system without no existence of shinoi army,ranks,missions or structure or kage dictatorship, for that long he needs to acquire immortality and reincarnation with powerful able bodied chakra power like demi god of shinobi only problem jigen and momo even he can destroy kara organization completely.

Now you people know why sasuke said i am all alone and can bear the darkness of five villages because in past sharingan named power was connected with uchiha clan which caused genocide because of obito's wrong doing because he was an uchiha and uchiha were falsely accused because of sharingan power even people with no sharingan, if sasuke became all alone meaning no connection with five shinobi villages or other villages in public(he might have recruited orchimaru and taka and small numbers of white clones though) punish corrupt kages like kurotsuchi then no one will harm konoha, becuase he is also enemy of konoha with no secrecy becasue of his killing 5 kage deterrent from the past and all alone with no ties with any of the shinobi villages(might create his own organization like one that akatsuki and kara) and also his plan has nothing similar like danzo he would not wipe out entire country,clan and village because of his objective even don't use children others for his biddings only magical creatures like bijjus who should have eliminated by hagoromo because their power caused destruction they better off dead completely if hagoromo did think good of the mankind, wher danzo would sacrifice total or other or stick with them like parasite for his dream and village, sasuke would only take agency by his own hand without killing or sacrificing innocents, only judge,punish and execute the wicked ones like danzo,five kage and kurotsuchi who would be main perpetrators of violence,conspiracy,discrimination,inequality,power imbalance,greed, personal ambition and dream like hashirama's,selfish desire,resources and benefit seeking in unfair ways,wars,invasion,paranoia,systematic discrimination, corrupts dictators among kage and daimyos, corrupt shinobi etc. which danzo would never do he would just destroy other people community based on person and aspect and assumption and for his greed, which sasuke would never, he would take agency for the revolution he wanted to execute like batman a global threat with no ties to any shinobi villages, more like in itachi's way without causing genocide or mass killing that's why he would work from the shadow

#anti shinobi system #anti naruto ending #pro sasuke's revolution #pro sasuke #pro sasuke uchiha #pro uchiha #pro uchiha clan #pro madara #pro indra #anti boruto sasuke

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3rddimension · 10 months

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Here's a long boy all about the twitch stream angry moment, yes she is really upset at him and he instantly felt bad and got quite. But "yelling at him for two minutes straight" makes it sound more intense but yeah tensions were high for a bit. It's the 07/14/2021 stream (smosh showoff, confessions and meme review) specifically 12 mins from the end so at around 1h44min, I def recommend watching the full clip, Dept of Weird Sounds on YouTube didn't include it in the part 30 compilation but I think it should've been there since they were def dating by that point and it shows that they ultimately know how to deescalate things pretty quickly, stop pushing when the other is hurt and how theyre soft w each other after bickering, otherwise this could've been really bad because they were both hurt lol been wanting to talk about this one for a while but got the feeling that people haven't seen it since no one brings it up lol

They're playing Confessions and she comes up with a confessions and they have to guess whether it's true or false. C's decides her confession is "i regret not realizing my value when I was younger / having low self esteem in the past" and S jokingly goes "oh, fuck off!" and the room busts out in laughter but you can see the rest of cast is unsure whether to laugh or not because C wasn't laughing, so yeah she's scary and they don't wanna upset her aw. She didn't make it a big deal though and only asked him "do you regret that response?" when she saw he was laughing quietly in the back because he realized she wasn't amused.

The tension arises though when they're all unsure what to answer and S goes "I'm gonna be mad if you're gonna say that you don't regret your past becasue that was your journey and stuff" because he feels like that's a copout answer. And she doesn't like his response and almost threateningly (lol) goes "how would you feel about that?" he jokingly replies "I'm gonna be mad" which she ofc sees as condescending, technically she can feel however she wants to about her past and just because its a cliche answer doesn't make it untrue.

She reveals her answer and it's exactly as he predicted, so they lose. She doesn't regret how she felt in the past because it got her here, she yells "fuck you, I regret nothing bitch!" to everyone in the room (S knows her frustration is mainly directed at him and you can see him get flustered and red) then she specifically turns to S and says "and fuck you shayne! I am allowed to believe that" because it hurt her feelings that they were making fun of her potential answer before she said it esp s (her actual bf). But the rest of the "yelling" was really her talking to the room about why she answered that way and laughing about it w Damien, also crew and cast are laughing throughout so it doesn't feel as intense but those two were fighting for sure for a sec there. She was upset so she ignored him for a min as they cooled down and he was upset that she called him out like that in front of everyone and the stream, but very soon after you can see her looking at s through the stream monitor up top (since he was sitting at the top of the set behind her) and when she sees he has a pout on his face, she immediately feels bad, turns and says to him: "are you mad?", also because probably people in the chat were pointing out S is mad/embarassed. Anyway i love how as soon as she extended an olive branch to make peace he immediately is okay and laughingly explains why he thought she would answer differently and she understands that he wasn't trying to make fun of her and all is resolved, they go back to making each other laugh and be adorable for the rest of this very fun stream. Made me realize that's probably how they are, they get quiet when upset even after blowing up and then slowly reach out to apologize and they don't seem to hold the grudge for the rest of the stream, in fact they go out of their way to make each other laugh almost as a hidden "I'm sorry, I hated what just happened" in a way and that's so soft of them

HOLY SMOKE this is the most describe one out of all. lmao Here's also another one that anon sent in:

Omg the Confessions stream, tensions were high for a bit, but I love how after the bickering and before they made up, when C wins the game S is still the first to clap for her ever though he's livid and pouty. And you can see her briefly glance behind to see if he's clapping to check how upset he is lol And then for the rest of the last 10 mins of stream it's just them geving each other attention and making one another laugh

Just finished watching that part and I think it's not that bad like what another anon said at all. There's some tension behind it but they masking it like a lot.

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midnightwins22 · 4 months

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20 Questions for fic writers

Saw @acewithapaintbrush post this on her page and I figured that I join in on the fun

How many works do you have on Ao3?

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

400,938 (woah...dang and that number is going to continue to rise as I am in the process of working on two fics and got more coming down the pipeline)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has taken over my life right now, but I have also written for Ducktales 2017 and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2012

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

"I didn't mean to hurt you" - Rise of the TMNT

"I'm Nothing Without Them (well we are nothing without you) - Rise of the TMNT

"Expressing Love Through Tech" - Rise of the TMNT

"Taken Together" - Rise of the TMNT

"You Are Not Alone" - Rise of the TMNT

5. Do you respond to comments?

Sometimes I do. I love getting comments

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm not one for angsty endings but the two that come to mind for me are "This Sickness is Destroying My(Our) Life" from Ducktales 2017 and "You Are My Hero, You Are My Sunshine" from Rise of the TMNT

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

It would probably be "Taken Together" (Ducktales 2017). I put my main characters through so much pain and suffering. They deserved the happy ending that they got

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I used to get a lot of hate on my Ducktales 2017 fics, but I think that was just trolls trying to put negativity on my work. I haven't really experienced that when writing my Rise of the TMNT fics, which is another reason why I love that fandom so much

9. Do you write smut?

No and I never will

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have written?

Not really. I hope to one day do a Rise of the TMNT x Tmnt 2012 crossover or maybe a Rise of the TMNT x Ducktales 2017 crossover

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

I'm not much of a shipper. I'm actually much much more interested in platonic relationships! Especially with the TMNT brothers being the best brothers. Platonic is my one true love!

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

There is a Ducktales 2017 and a Darkwing Duck somewhat crossover fic that I started back in 2022 but that I never got to finish because I just simply lost the motivation to do it and will probably never get back to it. There is also one more Ducktales 2017 that I have two more chapters to complete, but writer's block has hit me for real on that and I don't know when I will get around to completing it

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I write emotions and internal stuff a character is going through quite well. I have also been told quite a few times that my characterizations are spot on which is always nice to hear cause that's the most important thing for me

17. What are you writing weaknesses?

I really do not like writing fight scenes. I am so-so when it comes to dialogue; the trick is just finding the right words to say and how to make it all flow together, and I am not the best at that it would seem

18. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics?

I've used a little bit of Spanish in my Rise of the TMNT fics becasue of Leonardo and Senor Hueso, so only when it is necessary

19. First Fandom you wrote for?

Ducktales 2017

20. Favorite fic you have written?

For Ducktales 2017, it would have to be "Taken Together". Rise of the TMNT is a bit tricker as I have a ton of favorties, so I just narrow it down to any Disaster Twins fic that I have written, with my top two being "My Twin, My Hero" and "A Twin's Heartbeat"

******************

Not gonna tag anyone, everyone who wants to take a trip down memory lane, be my guest!

#rottmnt #save rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #save rise of the tmnt #ducktales 2017

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buckleysg1rl · 11 months

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RANT to someone who will never see this;

If I would tell you my real fealings towards you you'd hate me with a burning passion.

Oh but I love you, I love you to death my dear..

You're the reason why am I'm still here (alive) and I'll always be here until you leave me, because everyone dose. I love you to death, to the moon and back. I'd do anything for you, I'd kill, I'd steal, anything. Because I love you. But your not mine..not in that way. And I understand. Atleast you are my best friend, and I am yours. And I'm happy with that (I am not and i don't think I'll ever be, not til I get over you). I'd wish we could be more but I know we'll never be so I'll try to be happy with being your best friend. But know that I love you and I always will, even when you leave me. Because God, you mean everything to me. Everytime I see a text from you I light up. I'm always buzzing with happines and excitment when I see you and when we hang out. And when you ask me if I'm okay becasue I was lost in my head, I'd say that I'm fine and that I'm day-dreaming about some boy and then you'd laugh and tease me about it and I'd be happy with that because I'd see your smile and hear your laugh. But I'm not. I'm thinking about you. About your perfectly messy hair that you hate but I love, about your beautiful blue eyes that shine everytime you see me him, your boyfriend. I think about you and only you. Your so so pretty but you don't even know it. My heart breaks every time you say that you hate yourself, that you find yourself ugly or disgusting. You are my other half my dear. Not my romantic other half but my platonic other half sadly. But Im trying to be happy and consent with being your platonic other half. I love you so so much my dear, so so much..but you'll never know because If you did you'd hate me with a burning passion.

God I hate myself for loving you like that. I wish I don't love you like that but I do. And I don't know what to do about it.

#this is a rant #to my bsf #yeah i needed to get this off of my chest so i came to tumblr; my go-to therapy place #oh my god i hate myself #rant #love rants

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banrions · 5 months

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hi ive checked your faq & i know the answer to when will you write x is "ehhhhh, soon? hopefully?!" but i figured this is maybe a specific case! i just found your pansmione fics and loved them so, so much––i saw that the story hasnt been updated in years & i wanted to send an ask bc i know a lot of folks (reasonably) stopped engaging with hp when jkr went mask off. so i wanted to know whether its a wip that fell by the wayside or if you purposefully left it? so i know whether to hold out hope xx

sorry for answering possibly very late (i'm not on this site quite as regularly as i used to be).

ummmm. well. that one is def complicated. that's a fic that i've wanted to write for YEARS. i've had it plotted out for um, smth like going on a decade or more, now. and i only got the prologue up and complete, and haven't posted any of the main slow burn fic yet. it WAS initally def just a WIP that i hadn't gotten back around to finishing after i graduated, and then lost a lot of writing motivation in general in the last few years/pandemic etc. but always planned to return and finish.

BUT ALSO, the jkr of it all.

tbh, i've waffled a lot on whether or not to finish it. i haaaaate having unfinished fics up, so like, i wANT to. i'm gonna be real. it's smth i've wanted to write for years. i 100% want to, but i feel weird abt it, ngl. like, everyone can only make their own choices abt how to engage with harry potter/death of the author, at this point. (i personally don't want to engage in anything of monetary value, and still feel a little weird engaging with fic/fandom stuff. i don't know if that will last forever, but it's def how i feel right now). but it's still a story that was very influential to me as a kid and i still rlly love the world and the characters. and i am DEEPLY fond of the versions of them in this fic. i rlly want to write hermione and pansy falling in love. (bonus, i think jkr would hate it!!).

i'm gonna be real, i think it will dive me up the wall to leave it forever and not finish it. i've waffled a lot over the last few years between just finishing it and then being done ever engaging in hp again, just leaving it as is and calling it a wash, or something (somehow?? lol) in the middle, but i honestly haven't fully decided. i DO think abt the fic quite often, and seeing it incomplete bothers me. i haven't touched the files in years, but i have gotten some general writing motivation back reccently, though not for more than fic exchanges and more shorter things. i want to finish it, i feel like eventually i will, i just don't know when that will happen. i don't know if there are a lot of people who want it finished or not, but likely i would finish it for me if i did. i might start writing in a few weeks, i might not touch it for a few more years. i wish i had a better or clearer answer for you. i will say, i really appreciate that you loved it, and you liked it enough to reach out, becasue that means a lot and knowing someone else DOES want it makes me feel very happy<3

#it truly could go any way but i do feel like i will eventually write it #idk man. she sucks!!! she's a bigot and she sucks!! she's ruined a lot of the fun #but also fuck her these are my characters now etc etc. you know?#idk. everyone feels differently and weird abt it in varrying ways.#herblazinglook #asks #my fic #things that are mine #good bones au #GOD I TRULY HAVEN'T USED IT'S TAG IN AGES #this ask is actually making me think abt and miss it even more.

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dballzposting · 1 year

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Who do you think Trunks would romance in Stardew valley idk why but I’m getting Alex or Abigail (Alex is most Goten like and I’m just getting Abigail vibes from him)

Interesting .. I am going to disclose my personal opinion now. Just going off of what I get from EOZ Trunks.

- Hands down his definitive marriage route would be to just wed whoever would give him the best benefits. Hes a #gamer and he wants the best and rarest items. I don't remember who that would be though, I think Krobus or Abigail or Sebastian? They're all so mysterious..

- Other than that, if he's romancing someone legitimately, it would have to be a bachelorette. He wouldn't even consider the bachelors as an option. EOZ Trunks exudes heterosexuality. (Bear with me.)

- But WHICH LADY, you may ask..? Well. Heres the thing. He THINKS he ought to marry a lady. And he KNOWS that it should be Abigail. Shes a mysterious abrasive purple-haired waifu who eats rocks. Everyone loves her. He has to marry her, yknow? And so he will. He's 18 and a gamer and he'll marry her becasue he should. BUT? Honestly? He doesnt like her. He doesnt like abrasive women. He doesnt really like to see it. A part of him recoils, maybe becasue it reminds him of his mother a bit. And he doesnt care that she eats rocks. He just isnt fascinated by that. He and Goten eat rocks all of the time. His aunt and uncle taught him that the trick to a good rock is that you have to boil it first. He doesnt think that eating rocks is that mysterious or interesting.

- Trunks playing Stardew Valley at his happiest and most content would be him Not Marrying Anyone. He doesnt care about romance. He just wants to fuck around and ball. He literally wants to play it in the most filthy-rich effective way, he wants to optimize every space, he wants to have 12 ostriches and 12 pigs and 24 dinosaurs and he wants to have a greenhouse full of sweet gem berries and Fern Island full of ancient fruit. He's filthy rich.

- Beyond that I think that Goten may point out "Woah dude Sebastian has a motorcycle hes just like you maybe you should be his BFF?!" and Trunks would feel a little hurt by that. Like, misunderstood. Like YEAH he has epic bikes that he tinkers with. But hes not the capsule corp kid that his mother was or that his sister is. Hes more than that. Hes an #epicgamer. He'd be a little hurt that Goten would shove him into that category so senselessly like that. Trunks hates Sebastian now. Fuck Sebastian. Sebastian sucks

- Similiarly he may feel tempted into romancing Maru because shes a girl and a scientist so they're suppsoed to go together. But that's exactly why he doesnt want to. He has the opposite of an Oedipus complex

- To Comment on the Alex thing: Omg well. Here's how I think that that would go. I think that Trunks would try to get full hearts with everyone to try to 100% the game in a way. And also as a way to procrastinate choosing a spouse that hes really not interested in. So what he does is he dates all of the dateable characters at the same time. If you know Stardew Valley then you may know that if you do that, it may trigger a cutscene where all the men or all the women figure out what you're doing. So to remedy that, he just never enters Emily + Haley's house or the Tavern ever, to avoid triggering those cutscenes and having everyone break up with him.

But during this little gambit he has to romance all the men too and it feels a bit odd to him but whatever he'll do it. He feels a bit repulsed at times but mostly hes an epic gamer and hes in control and after a bit he gets comfortable enough to actually think that it's funny. He fancies himself a player. Clicking all the right buttons.

What he keeps thinking is funny is the way that the male characters ACT - to him, he thinks that they're responding to the romance like women! They blush and act flattered. They get embarrased and flustered which he feels is more accurate but they also sometimes act like the women, the way that they're so sensitive. He of course thinks like this becasue he is a cityboy. Someone rural like Goten wouldn't see gender in that behavior, but humanity instead.

So Trunks is romancing all these dudes and he thinks it's funny and he arrives at Alex and hes like Yeah piece of cake. I know these types of dudes like the back of my hand. I went to school with this dude. I know him.

And he keeps thinking it's funny the way that he can just, like, click the right options, say the right things, gift the right gifts, and hes got him wrapped around his finger. All blushing. He's like "This is the funniest god damn game."

But you know when you play a video game for too long it starts to bleed into real life? And you start to forget the ramifications of real things, like all the world's a game?

In a manner detached from himself, like how one is detached from the interactions in a video game, he starts to see potential for romancing dudes in real life too. Becasue it is literally, LITERALLY, so easy. Hes a gamer. He can play.

It's just that he never EVER would have done that before but Stardew Valley has DESENSITIZED him to it. And it happens accidentally; he gets into the habit of saying saccharine, transparent things on the game, and so he starts to see opportunity to say them in real life too. And during his attempts with Alex, theres a point where what hes learned translates into real life, and he says something to Goten that he now feels is easy and simple and not at a cost to him to say; and not what he would necessarily admit to be the truth; and hes surprised, because while it was easy to say, Goten has a strong response to it. He blushes and is like "awww thanks buddy..!" and gets all bashful and flattered. That easy! Just like on Stardew Valley!

Man, Trunks didnt know that he could play men like that. He didnt know that it went both ways. And much like a cat who discovers that if it pushes things off of a table it gets a strong response from the world, Trunks keeps doing it. It works because Goten has never known Trunks to be this easygoing and forthright with positivity / affirmations / compliments.

And that's all fine, and life continues in a pleasant manner, until Trunks suddenly comes back into reality with the absolute shock that he and his buddy Goten have been WAY too tender lately. Like, Trunks suddenly feels like he's been, like, leading him on. And that's fucked up to him. So he has to go hide and languish in his ivory tower until it all blows over.

But Goten never thought anything of any of it. He just understand the situation to be newfound days of unbridled affection, which he appreciated, and which is fine and proper between two best bros. And then Trunks disappears for a while because he's "busy" or something and that is fine by Goten too.

I dont know where to go with this. But I like the idea that Trunks is just so tickled by how easy it was that he goes on ahead and marries Alex in stardew valley. And then henceforth hes a part of his daily routine, every morning he gives him a gift before going out to put more dinosaur eggs in the mayo machines. That's his husband. No Alex doesnt give him rare or cool items. Yes Trunks gives him whatever he wants. Why? Dunno. Hes filthy rich and has a husband he spoils. Just 'cause it was easy.

- You didnt ask but if Gotenks played Stardew Valley then he wouldnt be interested in the farming and he would just keep going in the mines and would probably rather be playing minecraft. But then he happens to see Sam on his skateboard and hes like WOOOAAAHHHHH YOU CAN DO THAT??! and he immediately finds and downloads a mod that changes the horse function into a skateboard and then he likes the game more after that. And though he says hes not interested in romance, he falls victim to Penny's sweet and nurturing charm and has to take her as his wife .. it wasnt up to him. His heart decided.

- Goten playing Stardew Valley would be him walking around in misfitted armour picking up foragables amd growing some crops amd petting chickens. And be would come to feel very sweetly about Maru and honestly would know since day one that it was meant to be. He shops around a bit and detours for a while but he comes back to her. He defintiely feels like she is more competent and knowledgeable than he is and that is why he likes her so ... For that is the pattern for everyone that Goten is closest to (Gohan & Videl, Trunks) so it's a situation that Goten is comfortable with + feels loved and secure in.

Thanks for reading. And to all a good night. ❤

#dballz posting #dballz asks

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peronica · 2 years

Text

Season 5 spoiler story part 2: what if Ben had stayed on the island in season 3?

So, this is really late, but here's part 2. Once again, this is not a Kenji Ben ship story, I feel like I may be one of the only people who like Brooklyn and Kenji together, and that's fine. We're all different.

This takes place a few hours after the last part, and Kenji's more or less caught Ben up on everything that's happened since they splitt up.

Also, I don't know the twin's names, so I'm calling them Drake and Jake becasue I'm so original and they ryme.

I also have no idea how to link this to part 1, sorry about that, I'm pretty new. Anyways, enjoy!

. . .

“Wait, what did Darius name the baby brachiosaurus?” Ben asked, laughter in his voice.

“Ally,” Kenji repeated, also laughing.

“So, you have Angel, Rebel and Ally? Where did he even think of that?”

“I think he said it’s from some dinosaur movie or something,” Kenji sighed, “I don’t know, man. But after what he went through to spy on Cash, none of us are questioning his naming choice.” He leaned against his rock, “enough about us, though, what about you? How have you been doing out here?”

“I’m doing great; Bumpy’s herd accepted me as one of their own, except for Rolly. I think he hates me. One time a baryonyx was chasing me, and Star, she’s herd leader, came out of nowhere to save me.” He leaned forward, “I mean, I was a good 50 feet from the herd and she still saved me! I couldn’t believe it!”

“Ok, you have to tell Mae that story; She’s been studying dinosaur behavior for years and I think she might explode out of happiness to hear that.” Kenji said.

“Ok, my turn; Where are the others? Why aren't they here with you?”

“Oh, they stayed behind on Manta Corp. Island. My dad didn’t want to risk their lives coming back here.” It wasn’t a total lie. . . they did stay behind after all. “And they miss you like crazy; Sammy brings you up at least twice a day. And Darius was so worried when we left you, we all were.” Kenji smiled, “We thought for sure you’d change your mind last minute, but no! Crazy Jungle Boy just had to stay in his jungle!”

“I missed you guys too, every day,” Ben admitted.

Kenji saw his chance. “Maby, this time, you’ll come back with us, then?” He carefully questioned.

Ben’s face dropped to a look of confusion. “I don’t know. I mean, once we hit the mainland we probably won't see each other ever again anyway. And, at least, this way I still have Bumpy.”

“Oh Ben,” Kenji moved from his rock to sit next to Ben, “that’s not going to happen.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I love you and Darius like you're my brothers, and Sammy and Yaz my sisters.” He explained, “you guys are my family, and families don’t split up forever. . . they just don’t.”

Ben smiled, then frowned, “wait, what about Brooklyn?”

“Oh yeah,” Kenji grinned, “did I forget to mention we’re dating?”

Ben’s face went from sad to excited in one second flat. “Yes you did! How do you forget to mention something as huge as that?” He gave Kenji a one armed hug, “congratulations! I am so happy for you, both of you!”

Kenji returned the half-hug, “thanks man. I just hope we’re still together when I get back.”

“What do you mean? Worried Darius is gonna steal her while you're gone or something?” Ben joked as he broke the hug.

“No, no, I don’t think that.” He grinned, “Bro Code, Darius wouldn’t do that to me. . . right?”

“Nah, I guess not. But,” his voice turned serious, “why wouldn’t you be together?” Kenji looked at the ground. “Kenji, I’m not stupid, I know your not telling me something.”

Kenji sighed. “Ok, long story short; Mae created a way to talk to dinosaurs-”

“Big deal, I talk to Bumpy all the time.” “And we can understand them. Cash took her research and created a way that we can make them do what we want.”

“Really? Like what?”

“Like, hit a button, and they’ll roar. Or do a little dance,” Kenji smiled. “I gave Toro a fist bump.”

Ben sat straight up. “You gave Toro a fist bump?”

“Yeah, wanna see? We could head back and I could give you a demonstration,” Kenji offered.

“Ok, sounds great.” Ben stood up. “I’ll just grab Bumpy and we can head back?”

“Great.” Kenji thought of something. “We have electricity in the pent house now. So you can take a showere if you want, wash off all that mud.”

“Oh, actually the mud helps with sunburns and bug bites.” Ben explained.

“Dude, I’ll give you bug spray and sunblock if you just take a shower. Plus,” he added, “my dad respects you.”

“So?”

“So? So you have to look the part.”

“Is that why you're wearing a dress shirt in the middle of the jungle?” Ben asked as he grabbed some berries off the bush and put them in his fanny-pack.

“Yeah, because a Kon always dresses to impress.” He looked at his shirt, “Oh no.”

“What’s wrong?” Ben stood straight up, tightly gripping his makeshift spear.

“I’m covered in mud.” “And?”

“And my dad is gonna flip! I gotta change.”

Ben started laughing, “Ok, City Boy, let’s find Bumpy and get you to your precious shower.”

Kenji grinned, “thats Mr. City Boy to you, Jungle Boy!”

“And I thought the girls were drama queens,” Ben joked as they left to find Bumpy.

. . .

“Oh, and don’t think I didn’t notice you not answering my question.” Ben stated when they were about a half mile from the penthouse. “About Brooklyn not being with you when you get back.”

“Oh, well,” he hesitated.

“Kenji?”

He sighed, “my dad’s original plan was dino fights for the investors. We talked him out of it, so he changed his mind to showing off our way of talking to the dinos instead. The others didn’t approve and ruined our big presentation. It got Cash and 2 other investors killed.”

“Oh no!” Ben gasped, “I mean, Cash deserved it, but what about the others?” “They didn’t deserve it; They were just doing their jobs.” He sighed, “we left them on the island so they wouldn’t interfere with our new project.”

“But, why not just send them home?” Ben asked.

“Because since the park failed, again, the world’s turned their backs on dinosaurs. So dad wants to arrange for them to get home discreetly.”

“Ok, that sounds fair enough,” Ben frowned, “But why are they so against this project? It doesn’t hurt the dinos, right?”

“No, of course not.” Kenjit said, “they think we’re ‘controlling’ them.”

“Well, are you?”

“No!” Then he backtracked, “well, maybe a little bit. But it’s better than dino fights.”

“How are you controlling them?” The penthouse came into sight.

“Bumpy, stop,” the ankylosaur stopped, and both boys hopped off. “Stay here and don’t freak out.” He ran through the trees and into the clearing.

Bumpy groaned, “don’t worry Bumper-Car, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” He reassured his friends. . . as well as himself.

“OK, COME HERE!” Kenji yelled.

“Hasn’t he learned not to yell out here yet?” Ben muttered as the pair entered the clearing. Then he yelled “KENJI, BEHIND YOU!” Toro stood like 2 feet behind Kenji. Ben held out his spear, and Bumpy lifted her tail in a battle stance, ready for round two with the carnotaurus.

“It’s ok Ben,” Kenji said, “he won’t eat us.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he can’t.” Daniel appeared out of seemingly nowhere. “The controller in Kinji’s hands. . . encourages Toro to do what we want.” He explained.

“How?” “It connects to a chip in his brain, Kenji, why don’t you show him?”

“Ok, Toro, dance!” He played with the controller, and Toro walked backwards, side to side and wiggled his arms. “Toro, talk!” Toro roared so loud Ben almost covered his ears. “Fist bump.” He folded his claws, and leaned down for the bump. “See Ben? He won’t eat you. Wanna pet him?” He offered, “Ben?”

Ben looked sick. “The others were right; you are controlling him! This. . . this is wrong on so many levels!” He climbed on Bumpy.

“Wait, Ben?”

“Why? So you can do this to Bumpy too? No way!” He looked Kenji in the eyes, “Tell the others I’m fine, and say ‘hi’ for Bumpy and I.” And with that, he patted Bumpy’s head and she ran off the way they came.

“Ben? BEN? COME BACK!” He started to run after his friend, but Daniel stopped him. “Dad?” He questioned.

“Give him time; He’ll be back.”

“How do you know?” Kenji asked, his voice begging to break.

“Because I’ll talk to him.” Daniel declared.

“You. . . you will?” “Yes, Hawkes and I will track him down and talk some sense into him.” He explained.

“Oh, he hates hawkes. You know, because of the incident a few weeks ago.”

Danile sighed, “then I’ll talk some sense into him. Hawkes! Drake!” Hawkes and one of the twins came over. “Solo mission, just the three of us. Let’s go!” They made their way to the car.

“Wait! Dad, can I come too?” He borderline begged.

Daniel put his hand on Kenji’s shoulder. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. But,” He saw Kenji’s face fall even more, “I am confident I can make him see reason.”

His face lifted, just a little, “you think so?”

“Oh son,” he hopped in the car, “you should know by now, a Kon can do anything!”

. . .

“I can’t believe him! How could he do that? Even to Toro?” Ben ranted as he gathered more berries for his dinner. “I mean, can’t he see how wrong and cruel and sick it is?”

Sensing the distress in her boy’s voice, Bumpy stopped eating to nuzzle his side. “Thanks girl,” He scratched her chin. “You always know how to make me feel better. Mabey Mae’s on to something with this service dog thing.” He held out some berries, “Hungry?” Bumpy responded by eating the berries. “That’s my girl, what would I do without you?”

Suddenly, Bumpy grunted and raised her tail in a threatening way. Ben quickly grabbed his spear and hopped on her. “What is it, Bumps? Baryonyx? T. Rex? Raptor?” A voice broke through the forest. “I come in peace!” Oh great, him again.

“What do you want, Kon?” Ben demanded, venom in his voice.

“Just to talk. Could you put the spear down, please?” He asked.

“Will you put down that tranquilizer gun?”

“Touchay.” He walked closer to the pair.

“I wouldn’t come closer, Bumpy doesn’t like strangers.” Ben threatened.

Daniel stopped. “Fine, but Ben, I come with a proposition for you-”

“Not interested.” Ben cut him off.

“You don’t even know what it is,” Daniel protested.

“Don’t know, don’t care. Just leave us alone.”

“Fine, but at least don’t be mad at Kenji. He-”

“He what? Controlling Toro like a puppet? Left the others on the other island? Probably wants to control Bumpy too?” Ben demanded.

“He’s just doing business. And, I would appreciate it if you didn’t interrupt me again.

“I don’t care what a monster like you appreciates!” Ben snarled.

Daniel’s annoyance started to show. “I am not a monster, just a business man with a proposition for you.”

“In that case, they're the same thing.” Ben said, “So what will it take to make you leave us alone?”

“I’ll make you a deal: Listen to my proposition, if you like it, great! If not, I’ll never bother you again.”

“Then say it already.”

“Despite what you think, you did have a panic attack today. And Bumpy did help you like a service dog. So come back to my island with Bumpy and let us study how this connection works. I’ve spoken with Mae, and she thinks there's something special about your bond with that dinosaur.” Daniel explained, “You’ll both be safe there, and you can visit your parents anytime you like. We won’t chip Bumpy, and you would make such a difference for people everywhere!”

Ben thought about it for a minute, then finally said “as amazing as that would be, no! Not if it puts more money in your pockets.”

“Wow! Do you know how selfish that is, Benjamin?” Daniel asked.

“Oh, don’t try to guilt trip me, you monster.”

Daniel began to laugh. “Oh Ben,” he said, “I thought you’d be smarter than that.” He snapped his fingers. “But, I guess I shoudn’t expect much from a boy who chose to stay behind for a dumb animal.”

Ben heard a whistling noise, and Bumpy fell over. “BUMPY!” Jumped off and began searching for the tranq. dart. “It’s gonna be ok, girl. You're gonna be ok.” Then he felt a sting in his neck.

The last thing Ben heard as he faded into unconsciousness was “Get that chip in her head fast, before she wakes up!”

. . .

The next day, as the boat finished loading, Kenji found his dad. “Did you find Ben? What did he say?” He asked, panic in his voice.

Daniel smiled. “Don’t worry, Kenji. Ben is fine; He understands, but can’t come say goodbye because his herd is moving again.” The lie came smooth as butter.

“Oh,” Kenji frowned, “well, thanks dad. I’m just glad he’s not mad at me, I guess.”

“Of course son,” he patted his shoulder, “now, let’s get back to work-”

“Mr. Kon!” One of the twins shouted. “Dr. Turner is missing.”

“Of course she is,”he groaned. “Well, find her!” He shouted at his crew.

. . .

Unbeknownst to most of the crew, in the ship’s underbelly, tied to a chair and unconscious, sat Benjamin Pincus.

. . .

Edit: Ok, I know I said I was ending this story here, but the more I look at it, the more I realize it's incomplete. So, I am making a part 3. It may not be as good at the other parts, but at least it won't be a cliffhanger. Just give me a week or so.

I hope you enjoyed this story, and I hope you have a wonderfull day.

(Also, Ally comes from The Land Before Time 4, I think Darius would like those movies).

#camp cretacerous spoilers #camp cretaceous #ben pincus #kenji kon #daniel kon

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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TW: CSA; asian fetishization, particularly sexualization of asian women; incest, incestuous sexual abuse; abusive relationships; grooming; 'weeaboo' behavior; self harm

looking for advice? support? idk i'm just so upset

i have DID and ptsd and i think a lot of it is connected to my white dad who was very fetishistic about asian women (my mom is asian) and would sexualize me as a child and also touch me inappropriately. i remember when i was a child (10 years) him talking about how apparently all men know that the specific mix of ethnicities i am is the most attractive. he also sexually mistreated me and i know wanted a female child (i was afab) so i can't help but think i was brought into the world becasue of the sex fantasy of my father who was trying to make the optimal sex race in his eyes. i'm trying to understand the concept of consent and other things now (i did not know i had a right to reject sexual advances or much of any other rights at all) and i'm having trouble adjusting to the world, although it is much better than the world at home.

one thing that keeps bothering me is 'weeaboos,' white people who are seemingly quite proud to proclaim their love of 'japanese culture' as a thin veil for fetishization. it's so common and widespread and in my living situation in college i encounter so many images of sexualized, often childlike or explicitly child characters, anime drawings. it really upsets me and my brain fog is so bad it's hard to explain why these things are wrong and perpetuate the same type of sexual violence that ruined my life. things were so much worse before, why does this bother me so much? i just feel unsafe i guess and things upset me more now that i know i'm supposed to have rights. the worst thing is sometimes it's inarticulatable. for example what caused me to have bad dissociation and flashbacks today were posters for some sort of 'cat maid' performance, with a 'anime' girl in a maid outfit. i don't know how to explain how i KNOW that this comes from fetishization of asian women! i just KNOW! and it upsets me because i can't explain. i hate that white people expect me to be polite and bring it up to them instead of tearing it down myself, they want me to politely debate them when im the one who hurts so bad trying to talk about it, it affects me not them. (this happened before)

i just feel so unsafe and when i have gone to multiple of my friends for support, they stop responding to me after i talk about being sexually abused as a child. it's like i disgust them. i hate myself so much and no one will help me. i feel so alone. and i hate therapists more than anyone, i have gone to over 7 therapists and i hated all of them.. they don't understand my experiences or respect me. it's so hard to reach out to friends and talk about what i've gone through and i don't know what to do that they ignore me. and the friends who do respond to me only respond to my messages after i mention something else- usually a favor i can do for them. it's so hard to trust anyone and i've had my trust betrayed several times. the only thing i can think of to do is self harm. i've been through too much in my life and i can't handle it anymore. i have so little support in my life to the point where i desparately miss the 30+ year old white man who groomed me when i was 16 and want to talk to him. i feel like there is no one i can trust but i crave going back to people who hurt me

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you, as well as what you've been going through more recently.

It makes sense why those portrayals are bothersome and perhaps even triggering for you. It reminds you of the way you believe your dad wanted you to be. I can see how being calm and collected feels impossible when it's so brazenly reminiscent of your trauma.

It sounds like many people in your life you tried talking to about your trauma, friends and therapists, weren't equipped with the proper emotional response and multicultural approach that you were looking for. They simply weren't understanding enough and you felt invisible. You don't deserve to feel that way.

I hope that you find people to surround yourself with that do make you feel seen and heard as a survivor, and can respect your thoughts on asian fetishization.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #abuse #child abuse #SA #tw r #tw sh

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givemetherapyimawritingtravesty · 1 year

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rank the fob and mcr albums or i'll smash your kneecaps

Love you too bestie <3

I had to drag out my laptop to type all this but they are under the cut...

MCR

Three Cheers is my fav ever, thanks for the venom is my all time favorite it is never not playing in my head, I have the 3cheers shirt and everything. also ykwtdtgluip is another fav and helena just... i cry. and headband. it is a solid album start to finish.

Then I'd also have to do bullets because drowning lessons? sunsets? did i metion drowning lessons? A fav that has got me through some SHIT.

Black Parade is iconic and bangers front to back I am still spiralling cancer disenchanted I DON'T LOVE YOU (and it's GORGEOUS video). And blakc parade. My first karaoke song ever, sang it for my first acting class bit and put on eyeliner while doing it... I was a legend that day.

Danger Days. My love. The whole concept here though a wildly different color vibe from others was so good. My old discord name was dstroya after the song. It really ties with TBP if im being honest and again bangers cover to cover, s/c/a/r/e/c/r/o/w and bulletproof heart and nananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananana and need i go on, you get the point. (edited)

now, FOB. FOB is my baby and everything they do slaps and i like being kept on my toes for the vibes.

From under the cork tree is my #1 always, i have a tattoo based on olmuctnotsswwgs it is my ALL TIME fave song ever. the first album of theirs i ever owned. Nobody puts baby in the corner and sophmore slump are some favs and of couse sugar. I mean, com on.

Next I'd probably ( god I hate ranking my CHILDREN) Folie a duex. So many good ones, some Urie vocals. Coffee, idc, nosebleed, america's sweethearts, DONNIE my baby... need i say more?

3) take this to your grave. I will be buried with this album solely for it's title but also Dead on Arrival is my fav banger here, saturday, grand theft, reinventing... I like their early sound and the unhingedness of these songs

then I'd have to say... shit. um. Save rock and roll and AB/AP are a tie, these two bleed together for me and idk why but Centuries reignited my obsession with them and there are too many bangers here between the two: jet pack blues, alone together, young volcanos, ELTON FREAKIN JOHN, and sue me i think demi in irresistible was so good. I like the version with her and i will not apologize for that. Both albums bop equally hard for me.

Hot take. I hate putting it so low but I do love MANIA. Some of the songs i could take or leave but the others I am living for (because of), wilson is easily my top on this album, church, young and menace (ha, me), the begining of stay frosty when it just hits. Actually, looking at the track list again, i like more songs than I dislike here. My initial reaction to the more mainstream sound clouded my judgment at first and i didn't like the album, but everytime i listen to it I find new songs i like.

Now. Infinity is also full of bangers. Im like a lawyer (WERE THE NEW FACE OF FAILURE), hum halleluiah, bang the goldrums, ginasfs, and all the iconics that are on this album.

I know this is a ranked list but really they all tie for first and second place, I have my most faves and then the slightly lesser faves becasue my mans pete wentz and his crew can do no wrong. **I didn't rank Stardust because, well, but i alraedy know i am going to live for it. i love everything they do, I don't dislike any of thier songs, though some of the mainstreamers do rub me the wrong way if im in a bad mood because im sad they were a bit overplayed. Except for sugar, that one never is unwelcomed.

THE ROAD OUTSIDE MY HOUSE IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS... SO HUM HALLIELUA, JUST OFF THE KEY OF REASON (sorry i am JAMMING right now)

Also, some fun immages I feel you would appreciate

FOB is my baby and everything they do slaps and i like being kept on my toes for the vibes.

Next I'd probably ( god I hate ranking my CHILDREN) Folie a duex. So many good ones, some Urie vocals. Coffee, idc, nosebleed, america's sweethearts, DONNIE my baby… need i say more?

3) take this to your grave. I will be burried with this album solely for it's title but also Dead on Arrival is my fav banger here, saturday, grand theft, reinventing… I like their early sound and the unhingedness of these songs

then I'd have to say… shit. um. Save rock and roll and AB/AP are a tie, these two bleed together for me and idk why but Centuries reignited my obsession with them and there are too many bangers here between the two: jet pack blues, alone together, young volcanos, ELTON FREAKIN JOHN, and sue me i think demi in irrisitable was so good. I like the version with her and i will not apologize for that. Both albums bop equally hard for me.

[8:09 PM]

Now. Infinity is also full of bangers. Im like a lawyer (WERE THE NEW FACE OF FAILURE), hum halleluiah, bang the goldrums, ginasfs, and all the iconics that are on this album.

I know this is a ranked list but really they all tie for first and second place, I have my most faves and then the slightly lesser faves becasue my mans pete wents and his crew can do no wrong. **I didn't rank Stardust because, well, but i alraedy know i am going to live for it. i love everything they do, I don't dislike any of thier songs, though some of the mainstreamers do rub me the wrong way if im in a bad mood because im sad they were a bit overplayed. Except for sugar, that one never is unwelcomed.

THE ROAD OUTSIDE MY HOUSE IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS… SO HUM HALLIELUA, JUST OFF THE KEY OF REASON (sorry i am JAMMING right now)

also, some images i know you'll appreciate...

#yaz tag #discord besties tag #mcr #fob #pete wentz #music #asks

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fckinglooser · 2 years

Text

i am really fcked up, and i mean it

i think we are together, and i am super happy about it but often have this feeling - wait, is it like for real? does he really like me that much? why does he - i am an awful person after all

and when i am chatting w/him i feel like i am on cloud 9; he is so funny, inteligent, charming, so sweet, innocent yet teasing - just like, he is, a wholesome, the best person i could've imagined to befriend

but i wouldnt be me if i wasnt depressed, and so i often put dark humour where in fact, is no place for it; and so i make a lot of our conversations about me, more specifically how fcked up am i and my stupid life, my relations w/other ppl (dad mostly), my illnesses, struggles, thoughts... and then i want to apologise so much for saying all these nasty, stupid things - i feel super guilty saying these things to him, firstly because he makes me smile, he is such a positive creature, with a big heart, secondly becasue i dont want him to feel like he is my therapist, a person i tell all the bad stuff and expect them to say sth nice, sth that will make be happy again - no, thats not what a relationship is anout, thirdly, i dont want to worry him, he is older than me, and so sometimes i have this feeling he may treat me like a child - i am scared that our relationship will remind the relationship i have w/my father: he is controlling everything i do and always has to have a last thing to say, he is always right, and you cannot have your own opinion; i don't see him like i see my dad, but it still scares me a bit sth like this might happen; and i really dont want to, i tend to overcontrol some things when i feel like someone is invading my space too much...

and so, becasue of these dark thoughts i share with him, i think of myself as of a vampire which takes everything from this poor sweet boy of mine - and i feel terrible about it; i want to be his best friend, someone he can always rely on, who he can trust, joke around, feel comfortable with; but yet, i feel like the reason for his worries, sad thoughts and just basically all the bad shiet in his life - like i am the source of bad in his life since the moment we met

i really like him, i think i might have never liked anyone like him before, but i sometimes, especially, on such bad days as today (which btw tend to happen more often now...) have this feeling that i dont deserve him, or maybe this way: he, the beautiful mind, smile and everything about him, doesnt deserve to be near, not to say with, someone who is constantly having bad/suicidal thoughts, have several mental illnesses, self harms, hate themselves and many more... i feel responsible for seeing him sad, for seeing him worry about me - the last thing i want to do is to make him feel this way! but yet, i do this all the time, everyday i say sth sad, bad, dark, that changes the flow of our texts/words, and i feel so terrible about it; i dont want him to be with someone who is so depressive, who cannot takr care of himself, who cannot manage his own life and his problems - he doesnt deserve that, he deserves all the best the world has; he went through a lot himself, so there is no need to be a nanny/couch/whatever to someone else, which is me

and so, i thought today - maybe i self harm and have this bad thoughts because i want to prevent him from being around me? cause i dont want him to feel bad, and later on be hurt by me? maybe all of this is in my unconsciousness - i want him to see how bad, cruel, destructive i really am, and so that he can cut me out, run away before i hurt him? i guess it all makes more sense now...

---

i dont know why, maybe because i am to scared to tell him this face to face, cause i will see his sad face and hear him saying: 'Anteeek, please, dont say that'; cause i am such a coward, a looser, not a man, that i am scared? and so, a part of me really hopes that he would stalk me on sm and find this stupid, depressive tumblr of mine, and he will read it, and that he will see how i really am - sad, destroying, with huge trust issues and self hate - and that he will realise that i am no good, and he should cut me out before i do sth i will regret that will hurt him

so please, my sweet boy, find this stupid blog of mine, read this text and do what there is to do - end it all

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ussjellyfish · 1 year

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Ooh! You'll have to excuse my enthusiam becasue I'd love to hear your answers for 💖 (What do you like most about your own writing?),😐 (What embarrasses you most about your own writing?), 😈 (Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?), and *of course* 🖊 (Post a snippet from a current WIP).

I'm going to start with 😐 (What embarrasses you most about your own writing?) because the rest will follow from that I think.

I live in a perpetual state of embarrassment and mild shame that I only write one thing. I am a one trick pony, and even if I've become pretty good at that trick. (perhaps excellent, I do like my ability to do it). (this is sad somewhat sarcastically) I can really only do one thing and it's not a serious thing. It's an embarrassing thing.

I really like to write pregnancy fic. I checked the tags and it's about 20% if I go by number of fics. My long fics (with very small exceptions) are about pregnancy, so really it's like 1.5 million words of my 2.5 million word count. (about 60%) That's embarrassing! So embarrassing. I should write real things that are important. (like plotty dark fic or slow burn and sex).

So I am embarrassed about that often, I'll get a new idea and its inevitably a babyfic idea, but I shouldn't writee it I already have all these babyfics and I should...

but writing is fun and if this is what I want to write, I can let myself be happy. Even if it's embarrassing.

I teach middle school and one of my *very* determined students found my AO3 and he asked me if I felt bad about it and...really it's very tame. It's not something HR would bring me in about. I write pretty vanilla mostly f/f babyfics. So also embarrassing but not really?

😈 (Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?)

I am inevitably writing the *wrong* thing. I've written many different pairings and I kind of go through phases. There's a Stargate Atlantis phase, a Star Trek TNG and Voyager phase, Once Upon a Time phase, Agents of Shield phase, Once Upon a Time again, Star Trek Discovery, Agents of Shield again, and Star Trek Discovery again. (this is where we are now).

Sometimes someone will very politely ask me to write something I haven't written in awhile, and...it's gone. At some point, I really enjoyed that pairing, and now it's just out of my head.

Some readers really hate pregnancy to and I do it a lot. Some people don't want to read about that, which is totally fine!

I was on a discord server where I had to spoil pregnancy and it absolutely was not the intent of the request, but it was such a shame thing. This is bad, you can't talk about it anywhere. Not even the NSFW channels. Most things had a place you could talk abut triggering topics but that one had to be spoiled on the whole server and it just took the fun out of it. I think that's more of a shame than an embarrassment, but they're connected.

I used to write Swan Queen (which is the big pairing in Once Upon a Time) and then I wrote Dragon Queen, which is tiny, and then I had some friends who liked Dragon Outlaw Queeen, and I wrote that, and that was a big thing. That got hate. (not my readers so much but)...that was messy.

I'm getting better at just doing what I want. (My current long fic is a Michael/Laira, so it's a tiny pairing, it's a pregnancy fic, so it's tiny tiny tiny and I love it, so that's what counts.).

💖 (What do you like most about your own writing?)

It made sense to do this one last. I love vulnerability. Frequently, I will see a character and I can't wait to see how she deals with vulnerability. Laira was like that. I was in love with her from the beginning of the season, and then she and Michael where working together, and I kept hoping she'd get injured in the last couple episodes (this was not what it was about and I'm not mad about it, but if it had been Laira gets injured on the bridge I would have been there for it) Episode 10 where she's SO vulnerable emotionally was what made me realize I wanted to write her and Michael, and then @aleksandrachaev wrote them together and damn.

I like exploring vulnerability. Sometimes it's intentional (rare, it's hard to offer to be vulnerable), often it is forced (injuries, illnesses, pregnancy). One of my favorite fics about (former emperor) Philippa, Michael and Tilly has Philippa injured, and balancing how much she cares about Michael and Tilly, how much she hates having them care about her (and actually, they all love each other very much it's just hard to talk about).

I don't know if I'm good at it, but it's what I love the most. Those are the fics of mine I reread. Certain parts of Quantum are my favorites, the fic where Laira's sick on Andoria...little things, and I love them.

(Laira is much easier to look after than Philippa.)

Someone needing to be taken care of and getting it, especially from a village of people who love them is one of my most favorite things about my own writing, and whenever I can do that. I'm happy.

Thank you so much for asking!

fanfic ask game

#fanfic ask game #bits of rillham

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ntnttalksnothing · 2 years

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1, 4, 6 and 13

Hello here! Thanks for the fandom ask!! 🥰

1. which character do you relate to the most from your fandom?

Jiang Cheng. I understand too much his insecurity, self-hatred, social awkwardness, and frustration. The difference though is that I don't act like an angry grape all the time, and I have none of what he has to become an awesome sect leader.

Ozz also gets a special mention becasue though this is on tumblr exclusively (because I am the opposite irl), I do go, "wE TALKED ONCE SO WE'RE NOW BUDDIES, YEAH???"

4. what is your favorite CANON ship?

Sangcheng. This is rather limited, since there's pretty much only Wangxian or Xuanli unless you count the other toxic couples that appeared here and there.

But I would have loved to see more of Xuanli. It would have been amazing to see Jzx navigating his way through his father and becoming more of the good man that he is. Their sect would've thrived under Xuanli.

6. when you first think of the fandom, what image comes to mind?

Not an image exactly, but this video. I've reblogged a post before with this in it, and I've been watching it religiously. This is how I remember The Untamed. Angst? What angst???

13. if you could be in the universe of the characters what would you do first?

Assuming that I have leaped over the language barrier, this might sound a bit weird, but I want to go to Sisi and tell her that I'm sorry she went through so much hardship.

That scene where she stand before all that men who looks at her with disgust or shame for her profession, then gapes at her face as she recounts the horrors she went through was just so...grotesque. And no one seemed to show her true sympathy, and I really really hated that scene. So I just want to be with her to show her support and to stand by her side.

#ask

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just-a-small-town-dork · 2 years

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I have a question, why am i like this? I have been sitting in my dorm room all afternoon wanting to do something, its nice outside so reading outside sounds like a good idea and i have so many books both new and old but I dont want to read any of them, not that i don't want to but that i can't they aren't what im looking for.

ok why don't I watch some tv or a movie I have a whole list of new ones i've been wanting to watch and acess to all of my old favorites but nope I don't want to watch any thing but thats not exactly it becasue its not that i don't want to its that none of them feel right. So i think i'll draw for a bit but i cant think of a meidum to use to draw or a thing to draw, not that i don't have ideas, but none of them feel quite right. I want to go for a walk but I feel too weak, I feel to weak because I barely ate but i only barely ate because even all of my safe foods weren't quite what im looking for.

Ok so i'll listen to some music, ok great this is working puting on my drown it all out playlist but uh oh! nope you are not allowed to go past this song, you have to keep replaying it, it's the only thing so far that has eve come close to stasfiying that feeling so I latch onto it and think maybe i can get myself moving by playing this song on the ukelele or finish up that project im working on, writting out my favorite fan fics onto a note book so i can read a physical copy instead of always reading off my phone but nope, nuh uh, stop right there, none of those are gonna work so now im just sitting here, in my room on my bed, depressed and in a funk.

I could call somone in my family and talk to them but who and about what? no that won't work. what about my friends, I dont want to miss out and be anti social but i dont think i can handle being around other people right now besides i dont want to bother them and what would i even say? I could always call my old friends from back home but no because im too insecure right now and ive been too stressed that they hate me and besides what would i talk about? nope not that either, ok what about a nap? maybe? no... i dont know, typing on tumblr helped, but i cant do that for an eternity...

Am I the only memebr of the broken brain (ND) club that gets this feeling, probably not because ive learned as ive grown up that pretty much every part of my personality is a symptom of one of my disorders but still, do any other ND people out there get like this? How do you cope? How do you keep going? I refuse to let my brain win and go back to the dark place spent years clawing my way out of but days like today make it really really hard to remeber why i keep fighting, becuase im tired and its really hard.

#neurodivergent #neurodiverse stuff #Broken Brain Club #Wtf is up with my brain #ocd #adhd #anxiety #depression

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