#and i am going crazy and my father is in very bad shape he's not sleeping or eating anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tayrae515imagines · 11 months

Text

Only Bought This Dress So You Could Take It Off.

Requested: Nope! I just love Jake Seresin.

Warnings: Language. Mentions of death. Losing a parent. Brief mentions of smut. Non-consensual touching (on the face for about two seconds.) Poorly grieving with death. Probably grammar, spelling or punctuation errors. Just go with it.

Pairing: Jake Seresin x Fem!Kazansky!Reader (Call Sign: Frosty)

Type: Angst with a happy ending

Summary: Inspired heavily on Dress by Taylor Swift.

Y/N’s relationship with the one and only Jake Seresin has always been difficult to say the least. The two banter back and forth, constantly flirting or taunting each other. They have never been more than friendenemies at best until one day they weren’t and Y/N finds herself yearning for the one man who drives her absolutely crazy.

Authors Note: So I have seen Top Gun Maverick about twelve+ times since it came out about a year ago now. I just love it so much. It has easily become one of my favorite movies. From the storyline to the characters and overall movie aesthetic. I have spent the past few weeks reading nothing but Jake fics and felt like writing one myself.

I have not written anything in a very very veryyyy long time. So this honestly could be bad. But, with that being said, I am so happy with the direction this went in and it feels good to have written again. Please let me know your thoughts. :) I do also want to point out I have somewhat changed the timeline of the movie to fit my story. Thank you so much for reading!

Our secret moments in your crowded room

They got no idea about me and you

There is an indentation in the shape of you

Made your mark on me, a golden tattoo

“You know, sometimes it physically pains me to hold back my sarcastic remarks around you.”

“Don’t hold back on my account darlin’.” That sickeningly sweet, southern draw floats by Y/N’s ear, making the girl roll her eyes.

The voice belongs to none other than Jake “Hangman” Seresin. The one person who seems to always get under Y/N’s skin despite her normally unbothered demeanor.

Frosty was the callsign Y/N had been gifted. Partly due to her cold and calm demeanor and another part due to her infamous father Tom “Iceman” Kazansky. Y/N had grown up admiring her father, wanting nothing more than to be like him one day. From a very young age the girl knew she was meant to be a pilot.

There was no denying that Y/N was given chances others weren’t but that didn’t mean the girl didn’t work just as hard as others, if not harder. Which is how she ended up back at Top Gun among the best of the best. One of which just happened to be the only man who managed to drive her mad.

“Bagman..I mean this in the most unloving way. Fuck off.”

“You wound me Frost.” The man put a hand over his heart in mock heartbreak. The girl rolled her eyes again as Jake leaned closer. “But if I’m going to fuck anything, it’s you.”

Y/N could feel the smirk on Jake’s face without even facing him. The girl was used to being flirted with, Navy men could be pigs at times. Normaly, it didn’t phase her in the slightest but for some reason, when it came to Jake Fucking Seresin, she just couldn’t help the flutter she felt in her heart.

“In your dreams Seresin.” She managed to get out, desperately trying to hide the blush rising on her cheeks.

“Trust me darlin, it is.” He winked and walked out of the room. Leaving Y/N to let out the breath she didn’t even realize she had been holding. The only thing the girl knew for sure, is no one has ever made her heart race like he did.

All of this silence and patience, pining in anticipation

My hands are shaking from holding back from you (ah, ah, ah)

All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting

My hands are shaking from all this (ah, ha, ha, ha)

The day was hot and that was putting it mildly. When you pair the sweltering California heat with the suffocating flight suit and heavy helmet, the weather felt like hell.

All Y/N wanted to do was get to the locker room and take a shower. The girl wanted it so bad she could imagine the shocking feel of ice cold water against her sweat covered skin. That thought alone brought a smile to her face. After a long day of stressful training, she just wanted to relax. Unfortunately for her, someone had other plans.

“We all know you are only in this program because your daddy pulled some strings. You can pretend otherwise but I know the truth.” The deep voice floats down the hall behind Y/N, causing the girl to turn around with a raised brow.

“Do you think you are the first person to have said that to me?” The girl crossed her arms, glaring at the man standing in front of her. She recognized him from around base. She couldn’t pinpoint exactly what he did here but in her defense, she had been too busy with training and class to meet many people other than her teammates.

“Probably not but it doesn’t make it less true. You don’t deserve to be here.”

“Listen fucker. I have had a rough day. I am hot, I am hungry, and I am tired. I do not need to stand here and justify myself to some dip shit who decided to share his opinion with the class. Just walk away.”

The man smirked and stepped closer to Y/N, forcing her back towards the cold beige wall as she moved to step away from him. His grimy hands reached out and stroked the girl's cheek. “I think you just need to be taught a lesson, maybe put that dirty mouth to work on something else.”

“You son of a bit-”

“Is everything alright here?” That familiar voice rings out, causing Y/N to turn her head towards the tall figure walking in her direction.

“Yeah man, me and my girl were just chatting.” The shorter man, Y/N had mentally nicknamed douchebag said.

“Funny. Doesn’t look like Frost is in the mood to chat with you.” Jake walked closer, physically moving douchebags hand away from the girl. “I also heard everything you said..if you’re going to talk shit, maybe make sure you don’t have an audience. I doubt you would want admiral Simpson or captain Mitchell to find out how you treat one of your coworkers. Sounds like grounds for dismissal to me.”

At Jake's words, douchebag pales, taking another step back. “Look I’m sorry I-”

“If I ever hear you talking about my friend again, I will personally make sure you never talk again. Frost is a better pilot than most of us, hell she is a better pilot than me. Now if you ever touch her again, I will leave you so unrecognizable, your mother won’t be able to identify the body. Get the hell out of here before I show you I’m serious.” Jake growled out the words and the other man ran off. Letting out a breath, Jake turned towards the girl and calmed down. “You alright Frosty?”

“I could have handled that prick.”

Jake smirked at the girl and tilted his head. “You know, a thank you would suffice.”

Y/N sighed and looked up at Jake. “Thank you Hangman.”

“Anything for you darlin. Only I am allowed to taunt you.” He trailed his green eyes down her face, taking in every feature until he stopped at her soft lips.

“My knight in shining armor.” The girl meant to be sarcastic but the words came out in no more than a soft breath, her own gaze going to Jake’s lips. “You said I’m a better pilot than you.”

“Did I?” Jake said softly, brushing some hair out of the girl's face as the two drifted towards each other, lips almost touching until a bang of a door had them jumping away from each other.

“There you are Frosty, I’ve been looking for you all day. Let's go get lunch.” Rooster made his way over, throwing an arm around his best friend, oblivious that he just ruined the moment. “Hangman.” He nodded at the blonde and led the girl out, talking her ear off about god knows what.

Y/N couldn’t focus on a thing Rooster said as she glanced back at the man she left alone in the hall. Her eyes connected with his green ones, the look in them so intense and full of longing, she had to look away.

Say my name and everything just stops

I don't want you like a best friend

Only bought this dress so you could take it off

Take it off

Carve your name into my bedpost

'Cause I don't want you like a best friend

Only bought this dress so you could take it off

Take it off

“Hangman, hottie checking you out at 12 o’clock.” Coyote said, interrupting Y/N’s thoughts as the girl stared at the cold beer in her hand. The dagger squad had decided to utilize their day off with a trip to The Hard Deck. The group hadn’t been there long before practically all of the women (and some men) in the bar started giving suggestive looks to the team. Y/N really couldn’t blame them. Everyone on her team was unnaturally attractive.

“Oh trust me Coyote. I saw her. And I think the lady looks thirsty, maybe I should fix that.” Jake smirked and walked over to his admirer.

Y/N tried desperately not to stare at them but she just couldn't look away. The brunette's hand, resting on Jake's arm as she gave him a flirty smile. Y/N didn’t need to see Jake's face to know he was eating this up.

Y/N couldn’t understand why she felt a pang in her chest at seeing him flirting with someone else. It’s not much of a secret that Jake is a flirt. And it’s not like she had any sort of relationship with Jake other than friendenemies, if you can even call it that.

“Frost there is a cutie staring at you too.” Phoenix spoke up, grabbing Y/N’s attention away from Jake. The girl followed the direction Phoenix was looking in and sure enough, a tall dark haired man shot her a wink. “Go get him to buy you a drink.” Phoenix smirked and helped the girl up.

Sucking in a breath, Y/N put on her best confident smile and walked towards the man.

“Hello gorgeous. Sorry for staring, I just couldn’t look away from you.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling.” Y/N said softly.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

“Sure, I’d like that.” Y/N gave the man a genuine smile and sat down at the bar next to him.

The conversation was pleasant enough. The man who Y/N learned was named Greg, made her laugh. But the same gnawing feeling ached within her..he was kind, funny, handsome even. But he was no Jake.

“Would you like to dance Y/N?” Greg smiles brightly, holding his hand out while his blue eyes sparkled under the bar lights.

“Sure.” Y/N finished off her beer and walked towards the jukebox with Greg, his hands resting on her hips while she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m a horrible dancer so this swaying is the most you’re getting out of me.” The girl laughed softly.

“I’ll take anything you’re willing to give me as long as I can hold you this close.” Greg smiled and pulled her closer to him, his eyes drifting down to her lips.

Y/N could tell Greg wanted to kiss her and maybe a part of her wanted him to. But, every urge the girl felt to make a move with Greg, she felt a more intense one to run towards Jake.

It was a stupid ache that she couldn’t shake and the most infuriating thing about it was she didn’t understand why. Most of the conversations Y/N and Jake had were them taunting each other. When did taunting turn into more for her and does Jake feel the same? She doubted it by the way he had flocked to the first pretty girl to bat her eyes at him. That thought alone made her move towards Greg and pull back from her Jake filled thoughts.

“You can kiss me Greg.” The girl said softly, looking at his lips. Greg didn’t need to be told twice. He leaned in slowly, trying to savor the moment and right as their lips were about to touch, that familiar honeyed voice Y/N has grown to crave, rang out next to her.

“Frosty.”

Y/N pulled back slowly, turning towards Jake. “I’m a little busy here Hangman.”

“Yeah, I see that.” Jake said flatly, not sparing a glance at Greg. “I was just wondering if your little dance partner knew about your extremely high risk job and the ramifications of dating a pilot. Especially a pilot like you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Y/N gritted her teeth and looked up at him.

Greg looked between you both and moved his hands off your hips. “Look, you’re great Y/N. Really great, but I don't want to get involved in the middle of this.” He motioned between the two pilots. “It was nice to meet you, thank you for a fun night.” He kissed her cheek and walked off.

“What the hell was that?!” Y/N turned to Jake, anger burning in her eyes.

“I was just trying to stop you from making a mistake, Frosty. You can do better than that guy.”

“You don’t know a thing about him. God, that’s not even an opinion for you to have! You just wanted to be an ass per usual and ruin my night. Well great fucking job Hangman, you succeeded so you can run back to your new lady friend and leave me the hell alone!” The girl stormed out the bar doors, anger coursing through her so strongly, she was shaking.

Unbeknownst to her, Jake followed her right out those doors. He wasn’t about to let her leave when she was so angry.

“Y/N.”

“Please Jake just go inside and leave me alone.” Y/N turned away from him, wiping the tears off her cheeks that were now freely flowing from her eyes.

Everything was just too much. Too much disappointment, too much heartbreak, and too much yearning for something she couldn’t have.

“Y/N.” Jake gently put his hand on her shoulder, turning the girl to face him. “I’m sorry I ruined your night darlin. That was not my intention.”

“No? Then what was your intention Jake because I do not understand.” Y/N wiped the last of her tears away and looked up into Jake’s green eyes. “I don’t understand any of this.”

“I was jealous.”

“Jealous? Jake, what are you talking about? You are the one who went to flirt with that gorgeous girl!”

“No, I didn’t. I bought her a drink, told her I appreciate her interest but it would never work out with us because I am crazy about someone else! I told her I knew another wonderful man she would like and introduced her to Bob! They are still in there talking if you don’t believe me. I wanted to talk to you! I wanted to flirt with you! And I wanted to dance with you but when I found you, some other guy was trying to kiss you and it drove me crazy!”

All the breath left Y/N when she saw the sincerity in Jake’s eyes. Jake gently cupped the girls cheek, wiping away any stray tears. “I only want you darlin, and it drives me absolutely mad. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. All I can do is think about you and it has been that way since I met you.”

“Since you met me?” The girl gave him an amused smile.

“Oh yeah.” Jake flashed her his toothy grin. “Apparently you telling me to fuck off really got me hooked on you.”

Y/N laughed and moved closer to Jake. “Well apparently your asshole ways worked on me too. I didn’t want him, I just wanted a distraction from you.”

“I’m going to kiss you now Darlin.”

“Please do Jake.”

Jake wasted no time. He pulled the girl flush against him and connected their mouths. His lips warm against hers, breathing each other in with the intensity of the kiss. At that moment, there was no such thing as enough. The couple couldn’t get close enough, couldn’t kiss hard enough. Couldn’t get enough of each other.

Soon Jake had Y/N pressed against his truck, her dress riding dangerously high up on her thigh. Jake pulled back from the kiss just enough to whisper against the girl's now puffy lips. “I love this fucking dress on you. It’s been killing me all night.”

“Good.” Y/N whispered back. “I bought it for you.”

Jake groaned and played with the hemmed edge of her red sundress. “Let me take it off.”

“Fuck, yes please.” The girl groaned and moved a hand into his hair.

Jake opened the back door to his truck and set the girl inside gently before hovering over her. He pushed the skirt up to her hips, exposing a pair of lace panties. Jake groaned when he noticed the wet spot, darkening the blue lace. “Fuck darlin, did I make you this wet?”

“Yes Jake, only you.” Y/N moaned as the man ran his finger over her clothed slit.

Jake looked down at the girl, a smirk plastered on his face. “All mine pretty girl. You’re all mine.”

“Yours.” Y/N breathed, looking into his love filled green eyes. “I’m all yours.”

Inescapable, I'm not even gonna try

And if I get burned, at least we were electrified

I'm spilling wine in the bathtub

You kiss my face and we're both drunk

Everyone thinks that they know us

But they know nothing about

The temperature outside was getting increasingly warmer and Y/N’s father, Iceman decided to have the dagger squad over for a pool party. The older man wanted to meet her team and more importantly, the man who had stolen his daughter's heart.

Y/N never openly told her parents about her new boyfriend but they knew her well. Especially her father. He saw the way the girl's eyes lit up whenever she talked about a certain pilot and he couldn’t help but want to know more.

The devastating reality was that he didn’t have much time left. But, with what he did have, he wanted to make sure his daughter was putting her faith in the right people. Iceman was no stranger to the egos aviators could have and his little girl had worked her ass off to get where she was. She had proven herself to be more than just her last name. He had to make sure that this Hangman had no intention of hurting her. The other part of him was just genuinely curious. He had never seen her act this way about a boyfriend before.

For a short time when Y/N was growing up, Iceman thought maybe her childhood friend Bradley Bradshaw could be the one. He changed his mind when he saw that the two were better in a platonic way. Sometimes even referring to each other as brother and sister.

“Dad, can I get you another drink?” Y/N walked outside to where Iceman was sitting with Rooster.

“No, I’m alright sweetheart.” He smiled softly at his daughter.

“If you’re offering, I’ll take another beer.” Rooster spoke up.

“I don’t remember offering you one Roos but fine. Because I’m in a good mood.” She teased and walked back to the kitchen to grab herself and Rooster a drink.

Iceman turned to Rooster after he made sure Y/N had left. “Tell me about this Hangman I keep hearing about.”

“Hangman? Why do you want to know about him?” Rooster finished off the rest of his current beer and looked at Iceman “Wait..Hangman is Frosty’s mystery man?”

“It seems that way. I can tell by the way she talks about him.”

“I should have seen that coming with the way those two teased each other.” Rooster leaned back in his chair and sighed. “If you asked me a few months ago I would tell you he was the worst. But he has changed. Especially around her. I thought it was just because they had been flying together more. Obviously that's not it.” Rooster pushed the aviators up his nose. “He has an ego, but, he’s kinda like young Mav from the stories you’ve told me. He likes to push limits and always be the best but he is reliable at the end of the day, if they really are together, he’d do anything for her. I know he would. You know I love Frosty and if I thought he’d hurt her, well I’d be trying to drown him in the pool when he gets here.”

“I might have just let you.” Iceman smiled slightly, sipping his iced tea.

“Frosty can handle herself and I trust Hangman with her. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“Glad to hear what?” Y/N walked over, claiming one of the empty chairs at the table while she handed Rooster his beer.

“Nothing sweetheart.” Ice smiled and looked towards the kitchen. “Does your mother need any help?”

“Nope, Phoenix and Bob have taken over the kitchen with her. Mom also said and I quote. “If your father tries to get up and help me instead of relaxing, I will wack him on the head.” I think it’s safe to assume she wants you to stay sitting today.”

Iceman laughed softly and nodded. “I love that woman.”

“I know you do, dad.” Y/N smiled and put her hand over his, occasionally glancing towards the front door, waiting for that familiar blonde to show up.

“Looking for someone?” Rooster smirked and nudged Y/N’s arm.

“No..why are you both being weird?”

“No reason.” Rooster smirked again and sipped his beer, sharing a glance with the older man.

“Okay you are being very cryptic today Roos. It’s weird. Knock it off..” Y/N trailed off when she heard the sweet sound of that southern draw she loved so much. “Hangman is here.” She stood quickly and walked to greet him. She thought she was being sneaky with her emotions, but her father did not miss the sparkle of absolute love in her eyes.

All of this silence and patience, pining in anticipation

My hands are shaking from holding back from you (ah, ah, ah)

All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting

My hands are shaking from all this (ah, ha, ha, ha)

“You’re here.” Y/N smiled, walking into the living room where Jake stood with her mother.

“Course I am Frost. I’d never say no to a party and I’m very eager to meet your parents.” He smiled at Y/N and turned to her mother “I brought these for you mam, as a thank you for having me in your home.” He held up the small bouquet of flowers he had meticulously picked out before coming over.

“Oh that is so sweet! Thank you Jake. Please make yourself at home and let me know if you need anything.” She started walking towards the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase but turned back to her daughter before reaching the room. ‘I like him’ she mouthed, causing Y/N to blush and turn back to the man in front of her.

“So you are on a first name basis with my mom already. Impressive.”

“What can I say? Ladies find me charming. And Sarah is a peach.” He flashed her a grin and brushed his hand against hers. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too Jake. Thank you for coming..I mean it.”

“Honey you know I wouldn’t miss this, it’s important to you.” He took her hand and kissed it gently. “I will admit, I am slightly nervous to meet your father.”

“Oh yeah? That’s adorable.” She smirked up at him.

“I am adorable, it’s a known fact.” Jake smirked and pinched her hip with his free hand. “So are you going to show me your childhood bedroom? I am excited to see it..do you have boy band posters?”

“Shut up Jake.” She laughed softly. “Rooster is outback with my dad. I think Coyote made his way out there too. I’ll grab you a beer and we can go out there?”

“Sounds perfect pretty girl.” He kissed her cheek gently and walked outback with her after stopping to get him a beverage.

“Dad this is Jake Seresin, callsign Hangman. He’s a part of my squad and…my boyfriend.” She cleared her throat and looked around at everyone who had joined them outside.

“Boyfriend? Since when?!” Phoenix whispered to Bob who shrugged behind them.

“Since our night at The Hard Deck Phoenix. You didn’t notice?” He whispered back.

“But that was almost a month ago…” She mumbled.

“It’s an honor to meet you sir.” Jake ignored his friends surprise and held his hand out with a smile.

“You as well son. I have heard some incredible things about you.” Iceman took his hand and shook it, motioning to an empty chair with his other hand.

“Are you bragging about me darlin?” Jake grinned and looked at Y/N, taking a seat at the table.

“Absolutely not, your ego does not need to get any bigger.” Y/N playfully scoffed and took her own seat by him.

“It’s cute that you’re impressed by me. I’m impressed by you too.” He grinned and took her hand, kissing it softly.

Iceman watched the way Jake held her hand so tenderly and looked at Y/N with the same love sick expression the girl had shown for him earlier. It was clear to her father from that moment he truly had nothing to worry about. Jake Seresin was in love with his daughter and she was in love with him.

Say my name and everything just stops

I don't want you like a best friend

Only bought this dress so you could take it off

Take it off

Carve your name into my bedpost

'Cause I don't want you like a best friend

Only bought this dress so you could take it off

Take it off

Only bought this dress so you could take it off

The bright sun had faded into warm hues of orange and pink, reflecting off the crisp blue pool water as Y/N leaned against Jake. The man’s hand played with her fingers as he held her close, absolutely at peace.

“Jake?”

“Yes baby?”

“Are you happy?” The girl turned in his arms gently, looking into his gorgeous green eyes.

“Are you kidding me? Of course I’m happy. I have you.” He brought a hand up and cupped her cheek gently. “Why are you asking?”

“I don’t know. This all just feels too good to be true. Today was great and I’m slightly convinced this is a dream. It could be all the alcohol though.”

Jake let out a soft chuckle and pinched the girl's hip, causing her to pout at him. “Not a dream darlin. This is real.” He leaned his head down and kissed her once. “This is all I have wanted for years. Even when we were stationed apart. I craved you. I knew even then that I wanted you to be mine. I plan on putting a ring on this finger someday Y/N. That is how crazy I am about you.” He took her hand again and kissed her ring finger.

“You’re going to make me cry.” Y/N laughed softly and leaned her head on his.

Jake chuckled and kissed the girl’s hand once more. “One day. I promise.”

“One day.” Y/N smiled widely and kissed both of Jake’s cheeks. “I should go see if my mom needs help with the dishes.” Y/N slowly moved out of Jake's arms. “Do you want anything else to drink?”

“I’m alright darlin.” He smiled and kissed her hand before letting her go, unaware of Iceman making his way over.

“I’ve never seen her this happy before.” Iceman said and took a seat next to Jake. “Thank you for making her smile like that. It makes me feel better knowing she will have you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for loving her. I couldn’t help it even if I wanted to. She is the most wonderful woman I have ever met.”

Iceman smiled and patted Jake’s arm. “She is wonderful. But you still chose to be there for her every day. It means a lot to me and my wife. You are exactly the type of man I was hoping she would end up with.” Iceman sighed softly. “I don’t have much time left son. I know my family will be devastated which breaks my heart more than I can express, but when it comes to Y/N, I am worried. She shuts down. She pushes people away when she needs them most, she has done it since she was a child. I’m not sure if it makes her feel protected or if she thinks she needs to heal alone but I don't want that for her. Do not let her push you away. She needs you, and son, I can tell you need her too. Promise me?”

Jake turned to Iceman and swallowed down his emotion, eyes shining with unshed tears.

“I promise sir.”

“Thank you. You’re a good man Jake Seresin.” Iceman smiled and patted his shoulder again.

“I-I know this is a bit premature but I fully intend on marrying your daughter one day sir. Maybe I am a bit old fashioned but I think it is respectable to get your permission first.”

“You have it son.” Iceman smiled warmly and stood slowly. “Now if you’ll excuse me, all this talk about love has me missing my wife.” The older man made his way inside to find his wife as Jake watched, hoping one day this would be him and Y/N.

Flashback when you met me

Your buzzcut and my hair bleached

Even in my worst times

You could see the best of me

Flashback to my mistakes

My rebounds, my earthquakes

Even in my worst lies

You saw the truth in me

And I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My one and only, my lifeline

I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My hands shake, I can't explain this ah, ha, ha, ha

Y/N has barely spoken a word since she got the news. Now, standing next to her mother and siblings, staring at her fathers casket, she feels like she may never speak again. The air around them holds solemn tension as people mourn. Tears fall but it’s nothing but quiet for the man being laid to rest.

As the flag is being folded and the trumpets are playing, Y/N absentmindedly pinches her arm, desperately trying to wake up from this nightmare. She had just talked to her father last night, they made plans. The reality of him being gone just seemed too unreal for Y/N to fathom.

It wasn’t fair. Nothing about this was remotely fair and it drove Y/N crazy. Her father was one of the most caring and wonderful people she had ever had the luck of knowing. He didn’t deserve this.

Tears fell down her cheeks and Y/N let them flow freely. The girl felt numb and something as simple as wiping them away felt impossible. She felt heavy, wondering if the crowd around her could tell she was dying inside.

“Y/N, can you hear me?” The words broke through the surface of her numbness, bringing the girl back to the present as she looked up to Maverick standing in front of her.

“Sorry..I’m sorry.” She said softly and wiped her tears quickly.

“Don’t apologize. You just lost your father..I know how that feels and if you need anything, you know you can talk to me.” Maverick rubbed the girl's arm gently.

“Thank you Uncle Mav. I’m going to be okay..they need me to be.” She breathed out, looking towards her crying mother.

“Y/N, you do not need to be strong for anyone right now.”

“I’m fine Mav.” She snapped and sighed in regret. “I’m sorry..”

“It’s okay sweetheart.” Mav hugged her softly, only letting go when he noticed Jake and Bradley approaching. The tallest of the pair pulled Y/N into his arms tightly, whispering comforting things into her hairline while the girl stayed stiff, drifting back into the heavy waters.

Jake noticed almost immediately and patted Bradley’s shoulder. “Can you give us a minute Rooster?”

Bradley nodded slowly and let the girl go. “I’m going to check on your mom but if you need me, just yell.” He kissed her head and led Mav over to the girl's family.

Jake cupped the girl's face gently, wiping away some stray tears. “Hi baby”

Y/N looked up at Jake, bottom lip wobbling as she felt overwhelming tears coming. “Will you take me home? Please?”

“Of course baby. Whatever you need.”

“I can’t have what I need.” The girl whispered out, her gaze floating towards the casket once again.

Days passed in a blur and Y/N was merely surviving.

She stuck to her routine. Eat, when she could stomach it. Sleep, when she could turn her mind off. Work, when she wasn’t grounded, which was all the time lately. People were worried about her. From Admiral Simpson, to Maverick, to the dagger squad, they did not want the girl in the air.

The person who was most worried, of course, was Jake. He could see her pulling away, closing herself off and trying to heal on her own just like Iceman had warned him would happen.

He had been staying at the girl's place for over a week just to keep an eye on her. Jake didn’t push her at first. He gave her some time to digest everything while he watched from the distance, making sure she didn’t drift too far into herself. But he saw her getting pulled under the surface of those internal waves. He could see her drowning. And enough was enough.

“Frosty, darlin, I made your favorite for dinner.” Jake called out while walking towards the living room where the girl was seated on the couch.

“I’m not hungry Jake.”

“You haven’t eaten anything all day Y/N. Just come take a few bites. I won’t be offended if you don’t finish it all. I do have to warn you though, I am an excellent cook.” He sat on the couch by her and put a hand on her knee gently.

“I said I’m not hungry!” Y/N snapped and stood quickly, his hand falling from her knee.

“Y/N..I’m just trying to help.”

“Well I don’t need your help Jake. I am a grown woman and I can take care of myself. Just go home. Please!”

“No.” Jake said quickly and stood.

“No? This is my apartment!”

“I’m well aware Y/N but I am not leaving you like this. I am not letting you push me away because you think that is easier. I promised your father I wouldn’t let that happen.”

“You w-what?” Y/N looked up at Jake, tears building up in her sore eyes.

“He made me promise because he knew you well. I told him I would not let you self-destruct and I am keeping that promise.”

“Well you’re off the hook now, he’s dead so he’ll never know! “

“God damnit Y/N.” Jake stepped closer to her and took both her hands in his. “Even if I didn’t make that promise I would still be here taking care of you.”

“Why?”

“Why? Why am I here for you? Because I love you Y/N! I want to be here for you. I want to hold you and take care of you. I want to bring you back to yourself because this is not you. You are mourning and that is understandable but you are barely living right now. You haven’t called your mom back in days. Your mother who you used to talk to every damn day. Fuck, Y/n, you have Cyclone worried that is how messed up you are right now. So please, if you can’t do this for yourself, do it for everyone who loves you including your dad because I know he is watching over you. Let me help you heal.”

“I miss him.” Y/N broke down in sobs, gripping the man's shirt for support.

“I know sweetheart. I know.” He pulled her into his arms and rubbed her back.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay Y/N.” He kissed her head gently.

“I love you so much Jake.” She clung to him as he let her sob. Body shaking, gut wrenching sobs. But Jake never let go.

Say my name and everything just stops

I don't want you like a best friend

Only bought this dress so you could take it off

Take it off

Carve your name into my bedpost

'Cause I don't want you like a best friend

Only bought this dress so you could take it off

Take it off

Three months later and Y/N was feeling like her old self again. She had reconnected with her teammates, spent time with her family, and was even flying again. The pain of losing her father had not left completely. The absence of him was still very much felt, but the pain wasn’t crippling anymore. She had a life to live and she knew Iceman would want her to make the most of it.

Tonight in particular was special. The dagger squad was currently occupying most of The Hard Deck, celebrating a successful mission. Music was loud, drinks were flowing, and the company was comforting.

Y/N felt at home among her found family. She sang along with Rooster when he played Great Balls of Fire, like he always does. She danced with Bob, beat Javy at pool with Phoenix, and was smiling so much, her face hurt.

After all of the sorrow and heartbreak, this was what she needed. By the end of the night, the girl was feeling lighter than she had in months. Jake noticed it too. He could see the sparkle in her eyes, the light in her smile. It pulled on his heart, just making him fall more hopelessly in love with her.

“You’re staring at me honey. It’s getting weird now.” Y/N approached Jake and handed him a fresh beer.

“I can’t help myself darlin. You’re stunning.” He put a hand on her lower back and pulled her to him.

“My, my Hangman. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were smitten.”

“Baby I am hopeless when it comes to you. Head over heels, willing to do some embarrassing stuff to prove my love to you kind of hopeless.”

The girl tipped her head back and laughed softly, the sound music to Jake’s ears. “What kind of embarrassing stuff?”

“We’ll have to find out another day.” Jake kissed her nose.

Y/N laughed again, leaning into him. “I love you Jake.”

“I love you too Y/N.” He kissed her once and leaned his head on hers, pulling the girl ever closer than before.

Y/N looked up at him, eyes bright and smile wide. “You still want to marry me?”

“One day” Jake smiled down at the girl, wrapping his arms around her.

“One day.” Y/N smiled up at him, completely oblivious to the diamond ring burning a hole in Jake’s pocket.

There is an indentation in the shape of you

Only bought this dress so you could take it off

You made your mark on me, golden tattoo

Only bought this dress so you could take it off

#jake seresin x kazansky!reader #jake seresin x pilot!reader #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x reader smut #jake #jake seresin #jake hangman seresin #hangman #hangman x reader #hangman x reader fluff #hangman x reader angst #jake seresin x reader fluff #jake seresin x reader angst #jake seresin x female!reader #top gun 2 #top gun maverick #iceman top gun

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kaylakenobi · 2 years

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I did this a while ago with Marvel characters, but now I'm hyperfixated on Star Wars so here's this:

Star Wars characters as weird things my friends have said (can you tell who my favorite characters are lmao) :

Anakin: Let's trust fall off a cliff

Obi-Wan: I'll cheese grate your tongue.

Hera: Learn how to do a fourway!

Obi-Wan: Do you want to be a psychologist or a psychologist?

Anakin: You just said the same thing twice!

Zeb: The grinch doesn't even hurt ppl, he just takes away their joy.

Luke: I'm not racist, I eat cauliflower and broccoli.

Rey: I'm not trying to race you in my 2006 Toyota camry dude, I'm just trying to get home.

Fives: I will smack you out of that wheelchair.

Luke: Oml gay kind bars

Padme: I Gotta gaslight gatekeep girl boss my way through life

Ezra: Where is my other sock!- oh I'm wearing it.

Anakin: You just gotta follow the serotonin man

Luke: I'm gay and men are too headache for me.

Cody: I'll take the teeth the lord so foolishly decided to put in your mouth.

Anakin: I cant mansplain manipulate manwhore my way out of this one boys

Ahsoka: For the LAST TIME I am a LESBIAN I'm not trying to steal you're boyfriend! He smells like doritos anyway.

Rex: I’m not jealous, Flavio, I’m GAY

Ezra: I just have this happy personality in this sad soul. It feels funky in a not snazzy way.

Echo: You can't delete your internet history from God.

Fives: Yes you can, ctrl + astaghfirulla

Obi-Wan: I have this very rare thing called common sense, a lot of people don't have it because I'm just better.

Caleb (child Kanan): Cannibalism is frowned upon in most countries.

Ahsoka: Why are the watermelon shaped like little caskets?

Anakin: Shut up, be grateful, and eat your dead people.

Kanan: I cant even raise a spider, how do you expect me to kill a child... wait

Padme: Omg Anakin, just bc you lost your hand doesn't mean you have to cut off your son's hand too.

(Yes my friend actually said that while we were watching Star Wars)

Omega: We can do left! Harry Styles will help us through it!

Han: You can't just kill your father omg.

Leia: Like okay you can have your lame hospital drama, I’ll have romance death and dragons.

Omega: I'm not crazy, I'm just extra. A material gorl.

Hunter: Besides tying her up idk how to hold a toddler

Han: I could never be a doctor bc my intrusive thoughts would be like, "Let them bleed out on the table." Or "Amputate the wrong limb."

Crosshair: Excuse me, it's a magical toothpick

Omega: Like it tries to be smart but the smart simply can't smart so the stupid is just rlly stupid

Tech: Was I on Aderall?

Fives: Dude, are you vaping right now?

Echo: *tearing up* It’s just chapstick man

Anakin: I want to sleep in a casket.

Obi-wan: What??

Anakin: They look comfy.

The bad batch: You're a phsycopath.

Crosshair: Thanks I was born in Florida.

Cody: I have new shoes.

Rex: Cool, I have depression

Sabine: I do not want the meat stick, I want to die!

Ezra: Then the itsy bitsy meat stick will execute you!

Anakin: Spiders deserve to burn in hell.

Ahsoka: But you're going to hell??

Anakin: Excuse me!?

Omega: He looks like a knock of Donny Jepp.

Hera: Do you mean Johnny Depp?

Omega: Same difference.

Palpatine: I steal children.

Anakin: At least you don’t have sex with them.

Anakin: ugh this song is like an orgasm for my ears

Wrecker: ew it smells gross

Tech: ofc it does we're in the middle of nowhere in Utah

Cody: *drives past cemetary* I cant believe people are dying to get in there. It just kills me.

Leia: Don't die because then we'll have to re-space the dance again.

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archiveikemen · 1 year

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An opinion on the boys? ? I really like your blog 🩷

aww you're so sweet 🩷

hmm this might either get very long or be very short because i'm not good with words...

i've only read liam's route and a little of harrison's route at the moment so i may not have much of an opinion of some of the guys.

William

Visually, he's my kind of guy. He's smoking HOT and I have a thing for fictional men with white/silver hair???? Although, he's not really my type in the "oh I want to date this man" sense (yet). I don't actually know a lot about him since I haven't played his route, but while reading his event story I feel like... there's something very attractive about this man's character. The way he respects MC's feelings and wants? Love it. He's still morally gray to me for now, so I can't comment much on that. Oh I love his brain (I'm not a zombie), I like how it works. He's so smartbshfhshhfsb

Harrison

I'm still at I think Chapter 4 of his route UM my impression of him is formed mostly based on his role in Liam's route. He can deny it all he wants, but he's a very caring person. He cares deeply about the people around him, especially Liam and MC, he just expresses it in a rather roundabout manner. I won't say too much (to avoid spoiling Liam's route), but in the crazy love ending, Harrison could've acted out of anger because he was in fact FUMING and yet he chose to remain rational, and think about the impact his actions would have on Liam. Love him for that. As for the way he treats MC: He doesn't invalidate her feelings and opinions. He wants her to remain true to herself, and believes that her feelings are an important part of her she shouldn't ignore or try to change.

what am i even talking about... i feel like i'm just blabbering away at this point...

Liam

Oh Liam Evans my LOVE. He has a very cheerful personality, smiling most of the time. He also has the cutest sprites (totally not biased). I believe that Liam is a genuinely kind soul, albeit a little TOO kind — to the point it's biting him in the ass. Generally speaking, Liam is a mega people pleaser. He will do whatever others want him to do, without question. Anything to make them happy. Liam says that this is because he just doesn't want to hurt anyone or make them uncomfortable around him. But we know this is a result of the horrifying way he was raised by his parents (especially his father). Not going too deep into that to avoid spoiling his main story. All in all, he's a very well written character in my very personal opinion... could be because I see myself in him.

Elbert

I feel like I know almost nothing about this man apart from the way he's OBSESSED with beautiful stuff (which is perfect because his curse is the queen from snow white). He cares for MC in his own way, sometimes a pretty messed up way. Can't comment much about his character... but I'm very interested in him. I need his main story NOW.

Alfons

Another man I don't know much about and am very interested in. At the moment, I don't see any good in him but not in a negative way. My impression of him is that his moral compass is completely messed up 💀 I feel like he'd sell me for a single potato chip ...

Jude

Hot damn. Exactly my type of man HAHA my first love in IkeVil <3 This man has a soft spot for MC I just know it I can smell it I feel it in my bones ! Love that sharp tongue of his. Can't wait for more story events with his route and eventually his main story, so I can get to know him better.

Ellis

He gives me the creeps but not in a bad way. I like that, actually. His goofy smile is so so adorable. I'm very curious about his character, I want to know more about his curse and the role it has played in shaping him as a person. Love him 🥺

Roger

Hmm... I don't mean this in a malicious way, but I have yet to find anything attractive about Roger because I'm not into characters like him. I do have Roger to thank for saving Liam's life a billion times, though. I think he cares about Liam more than just in a "he's my lab rat he can't die" kind of way. Is he really egoistical? Yes, definitely. He's not a bad character, it's just that I've not seen him around in stories enough to form any solid opinion on him... I haven't read his event story either.

Victor

Oh my precious goofball. When I first looked at his appearance, I thought he'd be a cold guy. He turned out to be Crown's resident funny guy?? I'm in love with the way he cares for all the members of Crown as if they were his sons. He's like an overworked single parent of seven very problematic boys and William being the only "son" with braincells (I'm joking, please don't come at me)💀

His happy-go-lucky, fun, loving, caring etc. personality aside... I have a feeling he's the most cruel(?) member of Crown. I mean, there must be a reason why Crown calls him the Grim Reaper. If my memory serves me right, I believe MC has gotten the creeps from him before. Something is very fishy about this man and I NEED to know what's up with him. This bubbly side of him must be just a front and a disarming mechanism(??? rest in peace niki's english) because as the saying goes, no one plans a murder out loud.

#erie's pigeonhole

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ecargmura · 2 months

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Dog Signal Episode 19 Review - You Can Do That, Can't You?

The penultimate episode revolves around Miyu and Singe and it seems to be a two-parter as it focuses on Miyu on a deeper level. Come to think of it, Miyu is the main character and he’s been here since episode 1 yet we never learned much of Miyu until now. All we knew about Miyu was that he had dated Yuko; they broke up after she dumped him; she then dumped Singe onto him and he was forced to live with a dog he didn’t want until he learned to love him. Who was Miyu before Yuko? Who was he before Singe and Niwa shaped his life? This is where his backstory comes to play.

Throughout the show, Miyu has shown to be kind of a pushover and naive. There are instances where he can be serious and emotional too. However, his biggest flaw is that he’s very impatient. When Singe doesn’t listen, he gets frustrated and upset. He sort of behaves like a stressed parent at times—and that’s where his backstory comes to play. I’m not a psychoanalyst, but it seems that he suffered through parentification growing up due to his toxic parents. His mother had a bad habit of spending her money and focusing her attention anywhere but her kids. His father couldn’t control that behavior, so he just gave up on her.; he expected Miyu to care for her when he couldn’t. Because of this, he practically had to be the parent to his family growing up. He was over-relied upon from his parents and had to be his younger brother Saki’s parent growing up; he’s also seen as the sort of “peacemaker” of the family whenever there’s an issue. He was given way too many expectations and he had to believe he had to be this way growing up.

As an adult, it resulted him in being a bit of a pushover because he wants to be seen as reliable and competent. If he’s not reliable and competent, then what is his purpose in life? Unfortunately, this upbringing has been so ingrained into him that he is slowly becoming his mother with the way he is behaving towards Singe in this episode. He hasn’t realized until Singe was taken away from him that he was behaving just like her. I think that becoming the people we don’t want to be is a scary feeling.

Singe’s tantrums stem from Miyu not giving him treats and pampering him like he usually does. All the dog wants is to be loved, but with Miyu’s behavior, it does make sense why he started misbehaving. Singe has a strong personality, so Miyu has to be on the same wavelength and not treat him like a human child. Miyu got a bit cocky, so this incident is a process of humbling him.

I find it hilarious how Miyu’s terrible mom is voiced by Ai Orikasa, who has voiced another crap mom in Ren Sohma from the Fruits Basket remake. The amount of well-known guest voice actors is crazy and they’re ending off with another big name. I don’t know who Miyu’s dad and brother are voiced by.

I just hope that this conflict gets resolved beautifully. I do like how unlike Niwa and Ritsuka’s issues that were centered around dogs, Miyu’s issues stems from humans and how it affects his behavior towards his dog. I can’t wait to see how the finale will be. I know for a fact that I am going to bawl my eyes out at the ending. What are your thoughts?

#dog signal #miyu samura #Shinichiro niwa #singe #saki samura #review #anime #anime review #ecargmura #arum journal

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originalwinnercheesecake · 2 years

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What needs to happen in the owl house season 3 part b

The owl house is entering its third and final season. Season 3 will consist of three 44 minute specials (I think. I heard a rumor that fan outrage forced Disney to lengthen the specials to 55minutes). Season 2 ended with the characters kinda spilt into three groups. Luz and her friends henceforth called "The Hexside gang" are trapped in the human realm. The adult CATTs members are back home on the boiling isles out of one apocalypse and straight into another, and King is trapped as the collectors playmate in what ever "owl house" he has made. I am imagining that each special will follow one of these three groups adventures as they all try to reunite.

Here is what I need to see happen with the CATT’s

First Please let Dana keep her word about not thinking all the bad guys need to be redeemed. Terra Snapdragon, Adrian Gray, Hettie Cuttburn (tweets say she was going to be one of the really evil/cruel ones), Kikimora and Odalia all stay villains

In fact I could see ones like Kikimora and Odalia actually trying to side with whatever is left of Belos, Or the worst of the coven heads to be shown at the shows end, plotting to take Belos place as Emperors/Empresses

I would accept Mason (construction head) defecting to the CATT’s after he Day of Unity. He is still new, having only been a coven leader for a little bit longer than Rain has. That might not be enough time for him to be fully corrupted by the position. Also some early art hints that he is Steve and Matholomule’s father. If that is so he probably went along with the Day of Unity thinking he was creating a better world for his sons. So he has something important in common with the other parents in the CATT’s, and two very good reasons to change/fix his mistakes.

I really, really want to see Steve and Mattholomule again. They do not have to have speaking lines. It can just be for a couple moments during a fight, and welcoming everybody back from the human realm. Same with the twins, I am not ready to say good bye to them.

Eda with a cool prosthetic arm and hand.

Lilith with a cool prosthetic foot. We know she doesn’t have a sigil on her writs, but she has to have one. (Belos would have never let the witch who caused permanent damage to the shape of his nose survive his revenge). If its on her back she’s dead from whatever was happening to Eda. Give us some excuse for her to have wanted it on her ankle instead, and in present day she managed to kick her own foot off while tied up.

Have Darius and Alador see each other, give each other looks, but not talk right away. Keep the petty drama going while you can

My new hope for the reveal at whatever happened between them is that ... nothing happened! All the taunts are them being playful, and the only reason they stopped hanging out is that they stopped having any time to.

I still want a sweet reunion.. Also Alador totally thinks Eberwolf has been the one looking out for and taking care of Darius for all their time together as coven heads. Alador says he is very grateful to Eber for taking such a responsibility. Darius is annoyed.

The changes the collector makes to the isles are CRAZY.

I am not sure how the adults will figure out where the kids are. An off comment from the collector? finding broken bits of the portal? Darius being able to rach out to Hunter through penstgram (come on you know he will at least try). But they are determined to bring them back... but they need King (and maybe the collector’s) help to do so so they have to focus on saving King/stopping the collector first.

Have it questioned if Eda has a right to bring Luz back to the demon realm. Right now Luz is in the human realm which is her “real home”, and she is with her real mother. Eda was always going to have to let her go back eventually, right? So maybe it is time to let her go?

Eda decides that weather it is for a couple of minutes or for years to come, she has to see her surrogate daughter one more time. At least so she can be assuredLuz she is safe, and give her a proper good-bye.

I want them to find the remains of the previous golden guards. More specifically I want then to somehow (maybe Lilith as a skilled historian can deduce the age of bones or Eber can use smell or something to determine when a body died) find the remains of Darius’s mentor.

Have Darius say his name (not Caleb or Hunter. I know most of the GW’s were named Hunter, but we have 3 guys who we know where characters in their own right, and had people who were important to them/vis versa. All three 3 deserve distinct names), then recount how much the guard taught Darius when he was younger, and that he deserves better than this end.

Lilith then awkwardly tries to take Darius’s mentor’s mask/staff/whatever. Darius gets mad at her at first. Then she tells him that they can of course bury the bones, but that she wants the armor to create a memorial exhibit at the museum for this guard and the other’s sacrifice when this is all over. Darius agrees.

Something to trigger a memory from Lilith and Eda’s childhood, that they both remember very differently. This causes them to get into an argument, maybe a shouting match. They remember that their childhoods together weren’t nearly as great as they having been recalling/describing throughout the show.

They keep arguing but stop when they conclude that even if things weren’t always great when they were kids, and were down right awful the first half of their adulthood, they both do really love/enjoy the relationship they have now. So the make up and hug.

Harpy Lilith and Harpy sisters working together.

Hooty to go Ham on someone/something. Because I think he deserves to after all his family have been through. Just as a special treat

Darius and Eberwolfs boss forms again, at some point.

Eda and Camila to meet.

A onscreen reunion between Hunter and Darius (and Eberwolf) that everybody is conscious for.

When everything is over Eda is talking to Raine and nervously says something related to them having a life together now. They stop her like “woh woh whoh”. She gets more nervous, but then they say “Your supposed to ask me if I want to get back together first, then ask if I want to marry you/raise a family with you/etc.

Eda asks, Raine pretends to think hard about it before saying yes, Eda (playfully) smacks them on the shoulder.

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orshii · 2 months

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Limitless (through the night)

Author: orshii

Pairing: biker! Choi San x female reader

Warnings: cursing, brief mention of death

Word count: 11,5 k

Summary: You have broken the rules, again. The punishment? You’re moving in with your father, sent back to your hometown which you had grown to be a stranger to. What happens when old affairs return in the form of Choi San? The only guy you wished to forever avoid, the guy who was a menace and always knew which buttons to push.

Will he put aside your differences and help you out when you get in trouble again?

A/N: Wow, I guess I'm here again...Ever since I saw these pictures of San, I'm obsessed with it, so a story kinda popped out of my mind lol. Like, I'll just never get over biker San pls, he drives me crazy, and I don't like it (lie). Anyways, thank you for my talented bestie @bvidzsoo for helping me a lot. I'm really a newbie to this whole writing and Tumblr world so, ly bestie hehet. Please, enjoy! I'mma be back soon, with a Hongjoong series too, lmao. Okay, byee, xoxo, orshii. (divider)

Moving to a new place could excite you due to all the new opportunities coming your way, alongside with new people, which may become your new friends.

In my case it wasn't like this. I was moving back to my hometown, which I have left almost ten years ago, leaving behind my father and all the people who I was once close with.

Now, I'm on my way back to my father, back to the house where we once were a happy family. My mother left my father, because it seemed like my father cheated on her. But the actual truth was that she just wanted to escape from this little town. She had no opportunities here, so she just blamed everything on him to have a reason to leave this shitty little town behind, alongside with me. I was only 10 years old, I did not understand back then what the hell was happening, so I just went with her. We moved to a bigger city, which was full with people. I never liked it, I hate crowds, I hate how the city is full with life.

After a while, my mother met someone and he was rich, so, we moved into a bigger house, which looked like a castle. I did not like it; I like simple things. I liked our old house, where the walls were cracked like a river spreading through the map. It was beautiful in its own way.

So why am I going back again to my hometown? I look to my left, where my mother is driving. She looked tired and mad; she was continuously frowning while she was driving. Maybe she was thinking about how she could bring a child like me into this world. Of course, I was the cause of going back to my hometown. It was my punishment.

I'm going to be honest, lying isn’t something I do often. Since I was little, I adored motorcycles. They are so beautifully shaped and their sound is simply music to my ears. I love watching them through the TV, the bikers riding their fancy motorcycles and competing against each other, going in circles like Formula 1 cars on the circuits.

My dad had owned an old Yamaha, it was beautiful. He noticed that I adored it, and so, he taught me everything about motorbikes; which part of the bike belongs where, he even taught me how to repair some broken parts. That was the moment I fell in love with motorbikes. I could not wait until I grew up and finally got my license. I had one purpose in life, and that was it.

And after a lot of patience, I finally got my license, but I had no motorbike. This became my next goal. To buy a bike. I succeeded doing that too, and I was proud of myself.

I looked back, where my beautiful matte black Yamaha R6 was tied safely onto the trailer. After I bought Toothless—I have named it that—I naturally joined a motorbike gang and slowly got into the world of racing. But these were illegal affairs, illegal races. You’d rarely get caught, so I didn’t worry about it. But one day I made a very bad mistake and I was left to face the cops. I was alone, the others—whom I considered my friends—left me there, letting me face the repercussions all on my own. As soon as my mother got me out of the police station and we got home, she started packing my things, saying 'You're moving in with your father.' My opinion did not matter, it was settled, and I just needed to obey. I did not care about anything at that point, so I just went with it without a word. Since that incident I did not want to make any friends, I did not trust people anymore, not even my mother. She betrayed me by sending me back to our hometown, treating me like I was a nobody to her. I never felt like I belonged anywhere, I am used of being passed around by others.

As soon as we drove through the streets of my hometown, little memories started resurfacing and I smiled. It was good to be back, to be honest, I have always loved this area. I never actually wanted to leave it behind, I just really had no choice but to do otherwise.

When we finally arrived to the house where we had once lived, a whirlwind of emotions hit me like a truck. My father stepped out from his car service, wiping his oily hands onto a used black cloth, which was once white. He looked tired and worried, mimicking the same expressions reflected on my mother’s face.

I stepped out from the car, looking around a little bit. Nothing has changed since I had last been here, and that was a long time ago. We never came back after the separation, my father used to visit us when he had the time, but it was rare, and our relationship went from having a happy father-daughter connection, to a shallow 'How's school? Good.' connection.

As I looked around, my parents were talking quietly just so I wouldn’t overhear them, but I knew they were talking about me. They were talking, and then suddenly my mother was moving, giving me a kiss on my cheek and saying 'Don't get into any trouble', leaving me there like I was an abandoned cat, handed back to the streets because it kept causing trouble. She chose the easier way, passing me into the hands of my father.

I pushed my bike into the garage and covered it with a blanket, I did not want Toothless to be dusty from all the dirt flying around the air. My dad showed me around the house acting as if I was there for the first time. I stepped inside my old room; everything was just how I had left it. The old drawing in which I had drawn our once happy family, and even my little pink shoes, which I had cried about leaving behind accidentally. Everything was the same, except me.

I got enrolled into the local University. I wanted to learn still as I had nothing to do; I needed to keep my mind busy. As I was headed to the new University on my bike, I felt anxiety crawling up through my body. I never liked new places, and besides, this was a little town, everyone knew everyone. And so, I was the new girl in town to them. The girl who came back after years of being gone. I don't really think anybody is actually aware of who am I. I had changed.

I arrived to the parking lot of the university, and cut the engine of Toothless. I sighed before I got off my bike, taking off my raven black helmet with red lines on it. My anxiety had finally crawled through my body, managing to reach my mind and thoughts, clouding them and keeping me locked in, not letting me go for even a second. My thoughts had always been my biggest enemy. Overthinking made me feel anxious about even the littlest things. It wasn’t good as this influenced my behavior, all the time. I tried to gather myself, not having noticed that somebody was watching me.

"Princess is back in town and has a little motorcycle, I see." I jumped at the sudden deep voice coming from behind me.

I turned around and saw a very familiar looking, handsome, guy in front of me, but I did not remember his name. He was smirking at me, his eyes sharp like a knife, glaring at me like he was a predator and I was his prey. He was wearing a black hoodie that hugged his broad shoulders perfectly, with black shorts that reached his knees, pairing with red Jordans.

"And who are you?" I asked frowning; I really did not know him, he looked familiar, but I could not place a name to his face.

He just tilted his head, looking at me sharper than before, "You don't remember me? I'm Choi San."

He was frowning his thick eyebrows, a little cut in his left eyebrow making his glare more intense.

Choi San, the mayor's son. Now I knew who he was, and I did not fucking like him. He was always the annoying rich kid from school, always stuck-up, acting all-mighty due to his family being rich. And he didn’t like me either anymore. At the beginning we were friends, but then shit started happening at home—my parents arguing constantly, not even noticing me anymore—and so, I closed myself off, not wanting to befriend anyone. I was just a child, my parents constantly arguing was a big enough trauma for me to stop caring about other things. So, I pushed San away, who, I assume, took it to heart since he started hating me and acting like a total jackass, not letting me live. It was like that until I left my hometown, leaving everyone behind.

"Oh, well then, I don't care." I said while grabbing my helmet from my bike and turning around to leave. I did not have the energy for this arrogant prick, he didn’t change at all, I could tell by his one little sentence.

He laughed, "Princess is mad, huh? Is that a Yamaha R1?"

He had asked while pointing at my bike, not letting me leave quite yet.

I sighed and turned around looking at him annoyed, "No, it's an R6."

My answer was short and snappy.

"That's from one of the newest series. I bet you begged on your knees your rich stepfather to buy it for you." He laughed sarcastically, and it sounded like an engine that needed an oil change. I sneered at the thought.

It hurt, it hurt because he didn’t know how many days I didn’t sleep because I had shift after shift, working my ass off. My stepfather and mother didn’t want to buy me a bike, actually they hated just the idea of it, but I didn’t care, so I took as many jobs as I could, and after three years of hard work, I finally get to buy this beauty. It had nothing to do with my stepfather. San was just being his old self, being an asshole, judging even though he did not know anything at all.

"Just fuck off, San." I snapped before walking towards the building. I was starting to get annoyed, but I didn’t let it show because I knew that was what he wanted out of this exchange. To piss me off, get on my nerves.

I finally stepped inside the building. I was a bit lost; I didn't know where I was supposed to go now.

"Let's race someday or are you scared, baby?" But San suddenly stopped next to me, looking at me arrogantly, not leaving me alone.

I laughed at the nickname, it was cringe, what the hell was he thinking? "I don't do shit like that."

I didn’t even spare him a glance.

"Then why do you have a motorbike?" San asked, looking at me like the police officer had when he was interrogating me.

"I obviously use it to go to church." I rolled my eyes as I started walking down the corridor. I got a lot of curious looks from the other students littered around in the hallways.

"I bet you raced in that big town of yours." San said, of course, following me.

I suddenly stopped in my tracks, and looked at him with deadly eyes, "Can't you just go and fucking annoy somebody else?"

"Princess is being mean for what? I just wanted to welcome you back in town." He said with a smirk on his lips.

"Oh, how humble" I said ironically, "Thank you for your kindness."

I smiled at him and saluted him before turning around. I did not have the energy for this egoistic guy.

I somehow found the director's office. He handed over my schedule and wished me good luck, and I was abandoned again in the empty corridor.

I was looking at my schedule, trying to figure out which classroom I needed to get in.

"Hey, new girl, are you lost?" I heard a voice calling out to—me— I had assumed.

I looked up and I found myself standing in front of a tall, black-haired boy, with the kindest smile I had ever seen in my entire life. He was wearing bright colors, which highlighted his bright smiley face, he looked like a walking sunshine.

"Hi, yes, a little bit." I said while looking at my schedule confused.

"Let me see." He took the paper from my hands and looked at it humming, "Oh, you are in the same major as me. I'm headed to that class; I can show you the way."

He offered me up with a sweet smile.

"Oh my god, thank you, you saved me." I huffed the air out from my lungs.

"This way." He pointed out the direction with his finger, and we started to walk towards the classroom.

"By the way, I'm Yunho." He said, reaching his hand out towards me.

I smiled while shaking his hand, "Y/N, nice to meet you. How did you know I am the new girl?"

I had asked him curiously.

"Everyone knows, it's a little town, the rumors here spread like the plague." He shivered with a smile.

I chuckled, "Oh, I see. Too bad, I just wanted to remain unknown."

"Your dad is quite famous in town, did you know? So, I assume he told someone you are coming, and puff, the rumors are everywhere." He gave me a side glance as he smiled.

"Yeah, maybe." I said, thinking about the fact that my father has a car service, which, I assume, is the only one in town. Therefore, people meet up with him constantly, thinking more of it, it isn’t a surprise that people know who I am, in the end it, it is a little town. We arrived to the classroom, and headed in.

The day went by quickly. I was glad I met Yunho, he was a funny guy, and he led me around the University, making funny comments about some students. I really needed him in order to integrate into this new community, which I was once part of ten years ago. It was as if I had to relive the past, as if I was walking down the same path, I had done so ten years ago, a path which might have changed during my absence. It felt like I had to start everything from the very beginning.

The days passed by quickly, and I just tried to avoid being in the spotlight as I found out everyone knew me, but I knew nobody, because who would remember the people they had met while being just a little kid? As I was randomly walking on the street, headed to get some groceries, random people would say hello and even ask how my mom was. I just quickly answered them, but I didn’t know who they were. I didn’t like the attention, when all the eyes were on me, so I tried to lay low, live my life quietly.

Then one day, as I had gotten closer to Yunho, he somehow convinced me to attend a party held by some guy named Song Mingi. I wore casual clothes, meaning simple black ripped jeans paired with a black crop-top, and a leather jacket. I am a biker, so the leather jacket is a must, even when you have to leave your bike behind, as I had done now. I felt like drinking something. I hadn’t gotten drunken in a while, not that this was my purpose for the night.

Yunho came to pick me up with his navy-blue Nissan GT-R. The car was beautiful inside out. And that is when I found out that Yunho used to do street racing, held by some local racing company. That's another reason as to why we became friends so quickly, as we were interested in the same things.

When we arrived to the house where the party was held at, it was already crowded. Luckily, there was the opportunity to stay outside, next to the pool, and so, I told Yunho I didn't really want to go into the crowd. He stayed with me, and to our luck, we found some alcohol outside too. There was a table next to the pool, and there were a whole bunch of alcoholic drinks on it, so, we took some tequila shots. As we were talking about some of Yunho's street races, I heard someone approaching us.

"Where did you leave your expensive bike, princess?" He clapped his hands together, reaching for a can of beer, opening it quickly with his thumb. He was wearing dark jeans, a white T-shirt, and on top a leather jacket. At least he knew the unsaid rule of the bikers. Leather jacket is a must, like I have said.

I looked at him with a glare, "I left it at church since I got drunk on the communion wine."

I said annoyed as it was my last wish to meet him tonight, “Just leave me alone, San.”

"Where's the fun in that?" He leaned close to my face, bending down to be at the same height as me, whispering it in my face.

"The fun must be where you brain is, which you seem to be lacking in." I pointed at his head.

He laughed loudly, "You'll see where is the fun when I beat you at the race."

He glared at me with his typical sharp gaze. It whispered danger. And I liked danger.

“I said I don’t race; do you have issues with your long-term memory now?” Despite meaning to be teasing and unabashed, my voice came out a little angry as I frowned.

“I saw the news about your little incident. You can’t be fooling everyone and telling them you nearly got arrested, princess.” He spread his arms, as he raised his voice, so everyone could hear it who was outside. I felt everyone’s eyes on us, coming closer, way too interested in hearing what the whole fiasco was about.

My blood had started boiling and I clenched my fists together, until my knuckles turned white. I was blinded by my sudden anger towards San, I just wanted to wipe that annoying, arrogant, smile off of his face. I stepped closer to him, my face inches away from his, as his back was facing the pool. He just needed a little encouragement for a swim, and so, I strongly pushed him towards the pool, and before he could fall in, I quickly whisked the beer out of his hand, and lifted it into the air.

“Have a good swimming, Choi San.” I placed the beer down on the table. That was my que to leave him there. I could feel his glare pointed at my back from the pool as he swum to the surface. I could feel his annoyance, that he felt embarrassed. I smirked to myself, Choi San, you have no idea whom you’re trying to annoy. Yunho came after me quickly and gave me a high-five for the move I had just pulled off.

The next hours at the party were spent by drinking and dancing, as I went into the dancing crowd. I just wanted to disappear in the crowd and feel good. I tried to avoid San the whole night as I didn’t want to see his furious side, San, who got humiliated by me. It was funny, I had to smile the whole time as I remembered his face when I pushed him into the pool, amused by the whole ordeal. I also got to know the guy who threw the party as Yunho introduced us to each other. Mingi was a tiny bit shorter than Yunho, but you could barely notice. He had a buzz cut and rocked his blonde hair; his sharp nose completed his small eyes well. He wore a black T-shirt with some silver necklaces around his neck, and black ripped jeans. His nails were painted black with some rings on his fingers. I am not going to lie; he was hot as hell. And I also found out that he races alongside with Yunho. He owns a Toyota Supra, and that nearly made me faint when he told me about it, because it’s a rare car. He then proceeded to show it to me. It was so beautiful and unique due to its painting. It was kind of a papaya orange with some words on it painted on it, 'Fix on' and 'Youth'. I really liked it.

I had asked the boys about what kind of race San spoke about, and they said it’s an illegal motorbike race, which happen to be very rare here. I quickly tried to forget about it. I didn't want to cause trouble again; I had promised my mom and also myself to stay low, to be better. San was just provoking me; I wouldn’t fall into his trap.

The next day at university as I was walking down the corridor, headed to the cafeteria, something immediately caught my eyes. It was a poster with a motorbike on it, of course it caught my eyes. I went closer to read it. It said that a motorbike competition was to be held, and the prize were some new parts to upgrade your motorcycle. This was the competition San was talking about, and it's going to be held tonight on the deserted streets of the city. I'm not going to lie; it piqued my interest. I miss speeding down the roads, the adrenaline coursing through my veins every time I race. And my bike is in urgent need of an upgrade, because these past days it felt like something was wrong with it, but I couldn’t figure out what it was exactly. For now, I'm going to let it go, but I still took the poster with me…just in case.

Evening came and I was in my room, I barely talked to my father all day, nothing unusual. Sometimes when I'm alone, and that happens a lot recently, I just start thinking about useless things that make me feel weak. I have never opened up to anyone before, I was never that kind of person, and besides, I always thought it's useless to open up to someone, because in the end they never truly care about me. And the fact that I was betrayed by my own "friends", it just confirms that I really should just stick to myself. I'm not going to say that it didn’t hurt when I saw my friends running away from the police, pushing me straight in front of them, telling me, "You are the new girl, handle it." Funny, I'm the new girl everywhere, I'm not going to belong anywhere, I am always going to be the new girl. They thought it was a nice joke, it wasn't; it ruined me. I started to think that the problem was me, that I deserved this, that I am not enough. As some time went by, I realized it wasn't my fault, but these thoughts still remained deep in my heart. And I will carry it with myself for a long time.

Here I am again, thinking about these things. These are those moments, when I need to clear my head. My solution for it is going out into the chilly air with my bike, cutting through the wind with the highest speed my bike can handle. The feeling of it being night, and I'm alone with Toothless, speeding through unknown streets, I feel like it's just me and my bike in this whole world. It’s like therapy for me. It just…understands me, just like the feeling you get while listening to music; sometimes you listen to a sad song, it makes you sad, it just describes your feelings, but if you are happy and you listen to that exact same song, it'll bring happy tears out of you.

I was going around the city aimlessly, when suddenly I saw a bunch of bikers headed somewhere. That's when I realized they were going to the competition. My heart started to beat quickly. I started inhaling and exhaling slowly, just the thought of racing made my blood boil, my skin itch, awakening my body like nothing else.

And as I kept following after them, suddenly I realized I arrived to the location of the competition. It was really my subconscious taking over, driving me here. I slowed down a little. There were a lot of people around crowding the bikers, watching their unique motorcycles. Some background music accompanied the sound of the engines as it melted together, creating an intriguing melody. The atmosphere here were totally different compared to the one in the big city. Back there it was just serious faces, who hated each other. But here, I only saw smiles and laughs even between the racers as it seemed like everyone looked at each other friendly, not viewing the other as the enemy.

I stopped my bike, turning the engine off after having parked it. I noticed some curious eyes on me. I didn't know what to do now, I was totally alone. I didn’t know anyone, but I needed to fight my anxiety as I took my helmet off. My helmet always gave me safety, kept me unknown, and that's what I always wanted.

When I stepped next to my bike, someone immediately caught me into a hug. It was Yunho. He lifted me up in the air and smiled.

"Oh my God, you are here, Y/N!" He said excitedly, putting me down.

I laughed, "Yes, I am. I don't know how exactly, I was out for a ride, and then I found myself here."

I said placing my helmet down on my bike.

"I am so happy you are here." Yunho said, his smile never disappearing.

"Yeah, I can see that." I chuckled looking at his bright face.

"Will you sign up for the competition?" He asked me with curious eyes.

I sighed, "I'm here so—I guess?"

I lifted my hands into the air, shrugging.

"Yes!" Yunho fist bumped the air happily, making me chuckle.

He then led me to a person at which I needed to sign up for the competition. I didn't know who I was going to compete against, just until Choi San came to sign up as well. I had already finished signing up as I stood aside with Yunho, while he leaned towards me and quietly started to introduce each racer.

"Did you know that we are going to race against each other, princess?" San said, throwing a quick glance my way with his sharp eyes, signing the paper in front of him. I checked him out very quickly, hoping nobody would notice. He was wearing his typical leather jacket but with a black T-shirt underneath, and ripped jeans this time. His black hair fell into his eyes as he finished filling out the paper. Every woman very noticeably thirsted after him, and I wasn't an exception…he’s fucking hot. What a shame he has a shitty personality.

I rolled my eyes and ignored him, tuning to face Yunho, who was talking to some guy I didn't know. Did San really not understand that I didn’t want to talk to him?

"I want to race against her." I heard San's voice coming from behind me. I turned around to look at him annoyed.

"You can’t get rid of me so fast." He winked at me, that fucker.

"I will, on the track." I smiled at him sweetly, turning around again as I went back to my bike with Yunho, adrenaline slowly starting to course through my body. I had to win this, I had to wipe that confident smile off of San's face.

The race started, it was a drag racing, meaning three bikers were lined on the starting point, it was a shorter straight section, then as the lights turned green from red, you just needed to shift the gears up as perfectly as you could. The first who reaches the finish line wins. Speed mattered only here, and how detailed you are about the gearing.

A few bikers were already done with the race, and I watched them curiously. Slowly, it was our turn to race. People were loud and they cheered whenever their favorites won.

I rolled over to the starting point. One guy was already there and I found out that I'm going to race against San and a guy named Hongjoong, whose nickname was the Devil. I didn't know him, but Yunho said he is one of the most well-known bikers in the town. He had a Honda CBR. His bike was sick, it was bright red and the owner sitting on it with his red helmet really looked like the Devil himself, I get why they call him that.

As I rolled next to him, I glanced towards my right as he was there. He looked at me and bowed his head, I did the same. It was a sign of respect. I liked the guy already.

San arrived to my left side with his Suzuki GSX, painted also with a very dark red, reminding me of blood, mixed with some black. These guys weren't playing, their bikes were absolute monsters. I could almost hide with Toothless, but my bike was almost on the same level as theirs, so I saw hope in winning this.

When the announcer spoke, saying our names and a few things about our motorbikes, I slowly started to focus on the task at hand. I did not hear anything else, just my fast-beating heart. I fixed my eyes ahead, breathing in and out. The engine sounds pushed away the crowd’s noise. The red light suddenly switched green, and I quickly lifted my left foot off the ground, concentrating on the perfect timing of the gearing, bending over a little to adjust with the speed. From the outside it looks like three bikes quickly reach the finish line, but when you are the driver, it feels like the longest minutes of your life.

At the beginning the three of us were head-to-head, then I was the one who was leading. I could feel the victory coursing through my bloodstream already. But suddenly, I heard a puffing noise from my engine, and it stopped without any warning. My bike started to slow, the thoughts of winning long forgotten.

'Shit, shit, no, no, no, no, no!' I mumbled to myself. I could barely stop; my bike was still resonating.

The two other racers quickly passed by me, leaving me with my broken bike. I glanced forward and saw San reaching the finish line first. I was so fucking close. I hit my bike angrily, and got off it to push it over to the side. This is the worst feeling ever, when you are so close that you can already feel the win, but then something out of your control happens and it’s not your fault, you can’t do anything about it, you’re only left with cursing the world, asking, 'Why me?'

I could feel something was faulty with my bike, but I didn't think it was this bad. I heard someone running my way. It was Yunho, and when he reached me, he leaned his hands on his knees, catching his breath.

"Fuck, what happened?" He asked straightening up, still breathing quickly from running.

"I don't know, the engine just stopped working." I kicked my bike. I loved Toothless, but when it did things like this, I felt like I was going to throw it out.

Yunho came closer to my bike, to try and see what the problem was. He crouched down to take a closer look as I stood next to him, using the flash of my phone to help him see better. I heard an engine slowing down next to us. Of course it was San, he took his black helmet off, smiling at me deviously.

"Daddy's money wasn't enough for a normal motor? It’s called karma, princess.” He said with a death glare, smirking annoyingly. “This is because you fucking pushed me into the pool."

Why the hell did he enjoy spitting out words that made no sense at all?

I could feel my blood boiling, my biggest desire at the moment being the want to punch that confident smile off his annoying face. I was so close doing it, I swear to God, I was ready to punch him hard, but that little sanity I was clinging on to did not let it happen. I always had problems controlling my anger. But slowly, I learned to handle it. I learned how to manage these feelings, so I just let it bounce off of me.

"Next time I’m going to push you into the sea, if you don’t stop being an asshole. Go, celebrate your fucking win, you really deserve it." I said, staring at him with deadly eyes.

"Your wish is my command, Princess." He saluted with a smirk, and then placed his helmet back on, driving away with his annoyingly loud engine. I scoffed as I watched him roll away.

"I think I'm going to call my dad, there's no hope in fixing it." I sighed. I'm going to get into so much trouble now. I was forbidden from racing, my dad won't be happy, I'm sure. But it is what it is. At least the cops didn't show up this time.

I called my dad and told him what happened. I was nervous of how he would react. To my surprise, his first question was about my well-being. He said he was coming.

While I was waiting alone for my dad—I told Yunho that he could since my dad was coming— Hongjoong stopped by my side, taking his helmet off. His blonde hair fell into his face as he ruffled his hair. He was damn handsome, he looked so soft, the opposite of his nickname.

"Everything alright?" He asked, his eyes full of understanding.

"Not really, my engine is broken, so yeah…" I said with a sad smile.

"Can I help you with anything?" He looked at me as if he really understood what I was feeling right now.

"No, thank you, I'm waiting for my dad to pick us up." I pointed at my bike.

"Okay, such a shame this happened. It was a good race." He smiled at me and then reached his fist towards me.

"Yeah, it could’ve be a good one." I fist bumped him, smiling.

"Next time perhaps then." He winked at me sweetly, "If you need any help, I'mma be around." He put his helmet back on.

"Okay, thank you." I smiled at him sincerely.

He rolled away quickly, leaving me there with my thoughts. Now, that's what I'm talking about. Why aren't there more people like him on Earth? He looks like an angel, not like the devil I suppose he is—on track. I was intrigued, I wanted to get to know him better. San could really learn a thing or two from him.

My dad arrived after a few minutes and we quietly placed my bike up on the trailer. As we were headed home, silence settled around us. I could feel he was pissed.

"I'm sorry." I said, looking straight ahead at the road, not wanting to see his disappointed expression.

"What did you think?" He started, "That you would race and I wouldn’t ever find out about it? It's a little town, Y/N, you already know how fast rumors spread here."

He glanced at me for a second.

"I know, I didn’t think, I just miss racing." Tears appeared in my eyes. "Please don't tell mom. She will send me to Azkaban after this."

Call it a defense mechanism, a trauma response, but I had always been like this…joking in serious situations.

I glanced at him and saw a very small smile appear on his lips, "I won't tell her, but it was very bold of you to race again. You can't do that, you know it, it'll have consequences."

He lectured me.

"Yeah, I know. Thank you for not telling mom." I said, relief spreading through my body.

"But you're still punished. You have to help me in the car service after school." He said glancing at me with a serious look.

"Okay, and maybe we could fix my bike too?" I said, glancing at him with a smile.

My father smiled back, "Maybe after we fixed some cars, we could check it out next week."

I clapped happily, "Thank you!"

The rest of the ride until we got home was quiet, I was happy my father was this understanding. I thought as soon as he finds it out, he'll send me back to mom, passing me between each other like I was a tennis ball. But to my surprise, it was the opposite, and I really didn't mind working in the car service. At least we could spend some more time together. I hoped we could fix our relationship, alongside with the cars, of course.

My days went by and they all were quite the same. I attended my classes at university, then my whole afternoon went by fixing cars with my father. He managed to teach me a lot of things about cars, even though my world was all about motorbikes I was always interested in cars too. I was planning on buying a car, but I needed to put that aspiration aside for a while. My priority was fixing my bike so I could finally ride it.

We checked out my bike and we found out that my engine was overheated, and that's why it shut down. An engine upgrade was needed, and we changed the turbo as well while we were at it. It was going to be even more powerful than before; I was so excited to finally try it out. On some days, Yunho and Mingi would come by the car service to check on me, and they even started helping me out in fixing my bike. We started getting closer, we laughed a lot in between the late-night repairing.

Yunho and Mingi invited me to watch their races, which were going to be held today. I had never been to races like this one before, so I happily accepted the invitation. I could finally try my bike out as I was headed to the race. It felt so good riding it again after a while. I felt like I could breathe again. I think I had gotten addicted to this feeling.

The race was held at the race track of the town, in the afternoon. The sun was slowly going down as I rode my bike, painting my black bike and helmet with the shade of dark orange.

When I arrived to the track, there were lots of people being excited about the race. It was a drag race again, but with cars this time. I looked around and I saw different types of cars, each looking very sick and unique. I started to feel excited as I was rolling down between the cars, searching for Yunho's parked car.

Then, I suddenly recognized someone with a blonde hair. He noticed me and started walking towards me with a smile. I stopped and took off my helmet.

"Fixed your bike, huh?" Hongjoong approached me with a genuine smile.

"Yeah, finally." I pet my bike with a smile.

"I'm glad, we shall try it out some day." He said with his white teeth flashing.

"We shall." I smiled back at him. I would wholeheartedly race with him again.

"Are you racing?" I asked with a frown.

"No, I came to watch, I won't betray my beast." He laughed sweetly. I swear to God, his laugh was like music to my ears, "You came to watch too?"

"Yeah, I've never been to races like this one before." I said, feeling excited.

"We can watch it together; I know the best place where we can watch it from." Hongjoong offered with a sweet smile.

"Okay." I accepted his offer quite easily, "But first, I want to wish Yunho and Mingi good luck."

"Come, you can put your bike down there, I’ll show you where they are." He pointed towards my right, where I could park my bike.

I pushed my bike to the designated area, and brought my helmet with myself. I did not want to leave my treasure there. Hongjoong lead the way to where Yunho's blue GT-R was parked, next to Mingi's orange Supra. These two cars next to each other looked so good. I was very tempted to take a picture of them.

I approached Yunho and hugged him from behind, surprising him. He laughed, "You came, finally."

"I would never miss it." I smiled looking up at him. He was wearing his racing suit with colors that matched his car. His hair was lazily brushed over his forehead, almost reaching his eyes.

I hugged Mingi too, the top part of his orange racing suit lazily hung around his waist, a white T-shirt underneath. This orange clothing suit him very well, highlighting his blonde buzz cut. They looked handsome. What is it today, everyone is looking so good?!

"I'm going to be in the crowd, watching you guys, good luck. Fighting!" I smiled and hugged them both again. Hongjoong also wished them good luck, resorting to giving them high-fives.

"Thanks, we'll try." Yunho said laughing.

We then walked to the spot Hongjoong mentioned before. It was really a good one, we could see everything from here. The crowd started to cheer as the first cars appeared on the track. It was a 2v2. Yunho was the first one, competing against a Mitsubishi Lancer. It was going to be hard to beat that car, but Yunho did not disappoint, and he won with a lot of advantage. Every minute counted here; they were measuring the time up until you crossed the finish line. Time mattered here as it could beat your opponent.

After a lot of quick races, the sun went down, street lamps were lighting the track up, the crowd cheering loudly. We laughed a lot with Hongjoong, and he explained the rules of the races we were witnessing. I finally felt happy after a long time, I loved the atmosphere here.

That is until someone sat next to me.

"Now you’re into cars too? Tell your stepdad to send you a car, a broken one perhaps." San said, looking at me with those fucking annoying sharp eyes of his.

Every time he appears, my mood is fucked, "I will, now leave me the fuck alone."

I had said not looking at him.

San laughed, "Not until we're racing with equal chances."

"Oh, so now you admit it wasn't a fair win for you?" I looked at him with a glare.

"No, I would've won anyways. I just wanted to see how much you could push. But your bike said, nah. I bet it'll fall apart again." He said, leaning closer to me.

My blood started boiling, it was one thing if I was the one saying shit about Toothless, but him spitting out these words about my bike were not allowed. Ever. San was provoking me, and I knew it, I fucking knew it, yet…

"Come, I'll fucking beat you this time." I looked at him with blazing eyes, starring at him sharply.

He stood up smiling, "It'll be my pleasure, princess."

He put his right hand on his heart and bowed.

Oh, how I would hit him in the face, I had nightmares about that fucking confident smile.

I stood up, Hongjoong grabbed my hands to make me look at him, "It's not the best time going out there, Y/N."

He said with concern in his voice.

"I don't care, I want to wipe that confident smile off his face." I was long gone, there was no chance of anyone convincing me doing otherwise.

Hongjoong stood up, looking at me with concern, "But please be careful, call me if anything happens."

He held my hands, he really looked concerned.

"Don't worry, savior. I'll keep her safe." San glared at Hongjoong with the deadliest stare I've ever seen.

Hongjoong stepped closer to San, letting go of my hands. "If anything happens to her because you’re a fucking idiot and your ass is just itchy, you'll regret it, I promise."

Hongjoong stared back at San, and in this moment, he really looked like the Devil. I stood between them as they were eyeing each other, glaring with their noses flared.

Whoa, whoa, hold on a second, what was happening right now—

"Okay, guys, stop! Let's not waste any more time and get this shit over." I looked at San, losing my patience.

He winked at me and then smiled, his dimples appearing. Did I just notice he has dimples?

He did not wear his usual black leather jacket tonight; it was a leather jacket with some red on its sleeves and on the waist with white lines. On the front there was a writing 'SUZUKI', referring to his motorbike being the same brand. I’m not going to lie; he looked hot as fuck.

We walked over to our bikes, which were parked next to each other. I sat on my bike.

"So where are we going? You know this town." I looked over to my left side to meet San's gaze.

"There's a freeway not far from here. There’ll be traffic, but it’s more exciting that way." He smirked.

I started my engine and reached my hand out, motioning to him to show me the way. We both placed our helmets on, and then it was game on from there on. There was no turning back anymore.

I followed San, turning on unknown streets, it was barely a five-minute ride. We stopped where the freeway began.

"The winner is who gets to the end of the freeway first. It's not that long." He told me through his helmet, being on my left side.

I just nodded, it was late into the evening, but the cars ahead of us were countless. It was a three-lane road, people might’ve been going home from work, because there were a lot of cars. We lined up at the side of the road, in front of the red light. San pointed at that, signaling that if it turns green, we start. I started to reeve the engine, my legs in starting position with my eyes focused on the road ahead of me, counting the cars, and analyzing how could I pass by them. Adrenaline crawled through me; my skin covered in goosebumps. I have never felt like this before, I was so hyped about winning this. I had to win this.

The red light suddenly changed to green, and I quickly lifted my foot off the ground, bending over my bike and shifting up. We slid through the cars like the river runs through the rocks. We were two quick arrows passing by the cars, wheezing from left to right. At first, we were head-to-head, but I got lucky and I could pass by a big truck very quickly. San wasn't that lucky, he stayed behind a little. We arrived to a tunnel; sudden strong light hit my eyes. Traffic was lesser here, so, San quickly caught up with me. The sound of our engines were so loud that its echo bounced of the tunnel’s walls. It was like music, the two-engine sound melting into each other. I'm not going to lie, I was enjoying it so much as I have never felt like this before, it was the definition of freedom. I quickly glanced at San and he lifted his arms, giving me a thumps up, then quickly passed by me. But I did not let that happen, I went after him. We arrived to the end of the tunnel, sudden darkness hitting me now, my eyes needed a few minutes to adopt to the dark again. As cars were in front of us, I quickly took the chance to go in between two cars, and I was leading again. Until I suddenly saw red and blue lights flashing from behind.

Shit, shit, no, not again—

It felt like my heart was about to jump out of my chest, it was beating so fast. I can't get caught again, no way. I started to panic, and suddenly all strength escaped my body as I started to slow down. I couldn’t think straight as all thoughts left my mind seeing those colors again, getting flashbacks of that night. The lights, then being pushed straight into the cop’s hands, my friends running away, leaving me alone. San was suddenly next to me.

"Hey, Y/N, don't slow down, we need to lose them! I know a shortcut, follow me!" He yelled over the sounds of our engines and through his helmet, as I suddenly was back from the flashback as I looked behind me, seeing as the cops getting closer and closer.

I just nodded, suddenly feeling my strength coming back to me. There's no way they will catch me again. I quickly followed after San, passing by the cars, the police still following us, getting closer. San turned right onto a street, then left. We went through alleys and little streets, where only a bike would fit. I had no idea where were we, but I didn't care, because it seemed like San's plan was working and the red and blue lights were now far away from us. Suddenly, San turned left and went inside an abandoned factory's court. He quickly stopped and turned off the engine, signaling for me to do the same. I rolled next to him, and switched the key to turn off the engine. I glanced behind my back, I didn't see any signs of the police, but I still felt like I couldn’t breathe. I took off my helmet quickly, starting to inhale and exhale quickly.

"Fuck." I ran my fingers through my hair stressed, pulling it away from my face.

"Come, let's go inside, bring your bike too." San said, getting off his bike as he started pushing it towards the building.

As I got off my bike, I was shaking, the adrenaline was still in my blood. We brought our bikes inside and I needed to sit quickly. I sat down, pressing my back against my bike, lifting my knees up to my chest.

"I think they're gone." San sat down, doing the same as me.

He glanced over me, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I said, still not looking at him.

"Are you really that scared of the cops?" I could hear it in his voice that he was smiling.

"San, this is really not the time where you can say shit like that." I glanced over at him. I guess he saw my expression, because his face changed.

"Sorry, I didn’t—" We lifted our heads up as we heard the siren sounds. The red and blue lights lit the walls of the factory, and my heart dropped to my stomach.

"Shit, shit, they are coming here." I stood up, San did too. But suddenly, I heard the sirens getting further and further away. I let out the big breath I was holding this whole time.

"They just passed by, idiots." San laughed.

I glanced over at him in disbelief, and sat down again next to my bike.

San mirrored me, "We need to wait a little, though, so they will give up searching for us."

"You were in these kinds of situations a lot, huh?" I asked San, staring ahead into the darkness.

"Kinda, that's why I knew what to do." He said sighing. Quiet fell over us as we both were thinking, probably not about the same things as he spoke up, "But I don't get it. What did you do that you got almost arrested? Did you crash your bike and kill someone?”

He looked at me frowning. I scoffed at him; I really couldn’t believe he was like this.

"You don't know anything about me, so please stop assuming things when you don't know shit." I stared at him angrily, "It's making me feel sick, San. I'm so fucking tired of your comments, what did I do to you for you to behave like this with me?"

I asked him, looking his way then at my hands, "I was just fucking racing because I love to do so. Why is that so bad? Don’t you do the same thing, San? I’ve got arrested because my friends left me there, so I was blamed for that whole mess, on my own. So, please, ask before you talk shit."

There was a minute of silence, "Fuck, I didn't know, Y/N. I don't fucking know why I'm an asshole with you. It is so easy to piss you off."

I glanced at him; he was staring ahead as he ran his fingers through his raven black hair.

"And you are enjoying this?" I scoffed at him in disbelief.

"Of course I don’t, it’s just—" He turned my way, "Lately I did it just because I wanted to race against you and I thought if I provoke you, then you'll come. I know it sounds stupid, but don't say you didn't like it."

He seemed nervous a little. Choi San being nervous, interesting.

"I did enjoy it, San. But what the hell, why couldn't you just ask me nicely if I wanted to come with you? I would've, if you weren't such an asshole.” I looked at him, “And our bickering or whatever did not start here.”

"Yeah…I know." He looked down at his hands, "When we were kids you suddenly just got cold and pushed me away like I was some garbage. I was a little kid, it hurt."

He admitted. I didn’t recognize this San, this softer, nicer, side of him was strange to me.

"I was a little kid too. Kids are mean, you just had a weak heart." I said to him, "That does not mean you have to be an asshole your whole life, because I mistreated you when we were fucking kids. This is it, San. You need to adapt to some situations; you have to let go of foolish things at times."

I looked at him seriously.

"Forgive me for being such an asshole, you did not deserve it. I just tried to blame other people for my weaknesses." He admitted, and for a second, he looked vulnerable. But it vanished away quickly.

And suddenly we started sharing about our lives, the cops long forgotten, things that we didn't know about the other. I could see the side of him, which he rarely let anyone see. He could be really goofy, we laughed together, trying to recall the ridiculous situations we were in when we were just kids.

"And just so you know, I bought my bike, not someone else. I worked for it, for years. I took shift after shift, because I wanted something. You know…it hurt when you said those things to me." I suddenly felt like I had to tell him how much he stabbed a knife into my heart that day.

"Fuck this, this whole situation is ridiculous." He scoffed, his voice getting weaker. "I'm so fucked up. I'm so fucking tired of adapting to what people expect of me. I did this my whole life."

I looked at him as he buried his face into his palms.

Silence fell over the chilly air as San seemed to be on edge, while he quietly sniffed. I couldn’t believe that San was crying. It came out of the blue; I did not understand the cause of it.

Suddenly, I slipped next to him. I just wanted to hug him, he looked so broken. So, I went closer to him, still sitting on the ground, and hugged him tightly as he scooted closer to me and buried his face into my neck.

"It's okay, San. Sometimes life can be too much. Just let it out." I stroked his back patiently. I felt some tears falling onto my neck.

I couldn’t believe I was hugging Choi San right now, but I have always been like this. I don't care if he harmed me, if he needs a shoulder to cry on in his most vulnerable moment, then I’m going to be there for him because no one deserves to be alone in these moments.

"I'm so tired, I'm sick of this pain…" He mumbled into my neck, sobbing a bit, "After my mom died—"

"Your mom died?" I lifted his head from my neck, cupping his face with my hands. I looked at him with round eyes. I didn't know his mother died; I was shocked.

"Yeah, right after you moved away..." He said, looking into my eyes with his puffy ones. He seemed empty, he seemed like he wasn't feeling anything at all, "She had cancer, she…She struggled a lot…and I was alone, I needed someone to be there for me, I tried…I really tried." He said, his voice getting quieter.

I did not want to believe what I just heard, his mom was an angel, everyone liked her when she stepped on the stage alongside with the town’s major. They looked like true leaders. I always looked up to her, and now she’s gone.

"Oh my God, I didn't know, San. I'm sorry for your loss.” I blinked away my own tears as I wiped away his, “If I would've known—"

I felt a bit overwhelmed.

Suddenly his expression changed, it seemed like he had realized what he had done in the last few minutes. He locked his feelings away, again. He thought he showed too much of his weaker, softer, side and suddenly, he started closing off, just like I used to do. The old San was coming back. He pushed my hands away from his face aggressively, not looking at me.

"Whatever, I don't need your pity." He stared ahead, and leaned back against his bike, lifting his knees up to his chest.

I scoffed, "What did I do now?”

I blinked at him, not understanding the sudden mood change, “Okay, you can't be helped. I tried, I really tried to be nice with you, but you are impossible."

I stood up, "I think the cops are long gone, let's get the fuck out of here." I pushed my bike outside not waiting for San. I sat on my bike, starting the engine. San arrived next to me, with his bike.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." He looked at me with sincerity, but I did not fall for it.

"Yeah, me too, have a good night." I said with a disappointed look and I put my helmet on to drive away quickly. I just needed to get as far away as possible from him.

Weeks passed since that night. I tried to avoid San as much as I could. I just couldn't face him; I was so tired of his games. There were a few occasions when he tried to talk to me, but I just ignored him. It's not that I don't understand him, I do, I know what he's been through…at least I can imagine. That night, I tried to see his good side, but he did not let me in. And it hurt, because I knew he needed someone, and I would've been by his side. But he suddenly decided to push me away. He closed himself off, stayed in the dark, not allowing me to light his path for a way out. I really felt hopeful for a second that he could change, that he would lower his walls and let me in. But no, he'll just never change, so I gave up on hoping. At least I thought so, but these past days I just couldn't get him out of my mind. When I closed my eyes, I saw him as he smiled at me in for that few minutes when we were freely talking about ourselves. I'm not going to lie, I liked that side of San, it was so pure. And I would've never thought I was going to say such things about Choi San. But he made me feel strange things.

It was late into the night when I was still in the car service. A car needed to be fixed by tomorrow and I told my dad he could rest, he has worked all day long and I could see he was really tired, so I wanted to fix this car by tomorrow. The weather seemed like it would rain soon, lighting striking every few minutes.

Suddenly, I heard an engine sound from outside. I frowned, who it is this late? I opened up the garage door and I found myself facing a soaked San, getting off his Suzuki, staring at me the whole time. His clothes were starting to soak through, the raindrops falling off from his leather jacket. It had started pouring badly; I haven’t even realized it. My heart was beating fast. He took off his helmet, his hair immediately getting wet. San ran his fingers through his hair.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him without any emotion.

"I just want to talk to you, Y/N. Please, let me take you to a place." He looked at me with pleading eyes.

"In this weather, San, seriously?" I pointed out, still standing under the garage, safe from the pouring rain.

"It'll stop in a few minutes." He said his, black clothes soaked now, waterdrops falling off his face.

"How do you know? Are you a weather expert now too?" I asked frowning. I was just as hostile as he once was towards me.

He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair again. "I deserved that. Just like the pool."

He looked at me again. I could see a lot of regret in his eyes.

"That night, I closed myself off because your face reminded me of all the people who pitied me back then, when she died. I was only 11 years old, and I got sick of seeing those faces, it always reminded me of her death."

He started to tear up, his voice getting weak again, "Please, Y/N, forgive me. I know I fucked up everything, I just—you—you drive me crazy and I can't behave around you. I feel like when I'm near you I’ll lose my mind, like I’m not myself anymore. I said a lot of shitty things to you, and I judged you a lot even though I didn't know anything about you. I want to change that, I want to know you better, Y/N. I want to let you in, I'll do that if you also want it, but I hope you won't be scared of what you'll see."

I saw as teardrops fell down on his face, but the rain immediately washed it away, his voice cracking from the flow of emotions.

My heart wanted to jump out of my chest. I didn't except him to say things like these to me, "I'm not scared, San, to see your dark side. I never was, and I never will be."

Tears started to appear in my eyes, to my surprise, "You said some hurtful things to me, but I get it, I really do. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I was just so shocked, I didn't know…I didn't know, San."

I started to sob, tears falling from my face.

"I know, I know, baby." He stepped closer to me as he reached out for my hands pulling me out into the rain, into his chest. I cried into his chest as he rubbed my back up and down, my clothes and my hair soaked. I should’ve been the one comforting him, but in the end, I was the one sobbing like a little girl into his chest.

We stood in the heavy rain; our clothes wet, my hair sticking to my forehead yet he still hugged me like he never wanted to let me go. Caressing my back, he kissed the top of my head. I tried to inhale and exhale, so I could finally speak.

"I forgive you, and also I'm sorry." I whispered to him, lifting my head up from his chest.

He didn't let me go, his left hand was on my waist and he reached his right hand up to my cheeks to wipe off my tears, but they were wet again with tears and raindrops. "It's okay, don't cry, please, because then I'll cry too."

He smiled at me with the sincerity I've never seen before. His eyes were saying so much, it hurt. He finally let me in, allowed me to see his real self.

I laughed at that, and he followed suit, laughing together at this predicament, "Look at us, soaked like wet rats."

He smiled at me, never taking his sharp eyes off me.

Then suddenly his expression became serious, he stared at me as if I was his treasure, wanting to bury me, so no one could take me away, "I want to know you better, I want to know everything about you. What you like, what you don't, what is your favorite color, what do you like to eat, what you did while you were gone from here, what does it feel like to ride your bike…I want to know you, and never let you go."

He said, his hand still on my cheek, accompanied by his other one.

I smiled at him. I felt so happy at that exact moment, I didn't care if I was soaked, I only saw him, "Me too."

I said quietly.

He leaned closer to me, his lips almost touching mine, "Can I kiss you?"

He whispered against my lips sweetly.

Chills ran through my body. I never wanted anything more than him kissing me. I just nodded; words long forgotten. He closed the distance between us, and when our lips finally met, there was a loud thunder rumbling the world, lighting flashing around us and rain pouring from above, washing away our past where we said a lot of stupid things to each other. We could start with a clear page, melting our futures together. Our lips never stopped moving, it felt like heaven and hell met with each other as our lips moved against the other’s, just like when we were racing, both of us tried to win the other over. I welcomed San's darkness wholeheartedly and tried to scare it away with my light.

Then suddenly the rain stopped, and we separated from each other, looking up at the sky. The clouds were gone and the full moon was shining so brightly it looked like it was almost daylight.

I chuckled looking up, "You should apply to be a weatherman."

San was gazing at me so lovingly I felt like I was going to melt right there, "See? Now you can come with me, I want to show you something."

He held my hands.

"Okay, I should bring my bike then." I smiled at him, feeling as happiness crawled into my chest.

"It would be more proper if I was the one taking you there, but I want to race you." He held my waist and pecked my lips a few times. I still needed to get used to this San. I really liked it.

"I'm going to beat you." I scrunched my nose cutely.

"Okay, princess, but first, go change. I don't want you to catch a cold." He caressed my cheekbones.

"I'll bring you some clothes of dad’s, you'll catch a cold too otherwise." I kissed him quickly and then went inside the house, smiling like a fool, to grab some dry clothes.

It was the middle of the night, but two engine sounds cut through the late-night life. We were going up on winding roads, forests covering both sides of the road. I was laughing beneath my helmet as San goofed around, slowing down and then speeding again. I think I have never felt more happier than right now. It was pure freedom going through these curvy roads, racing against each other. But in the end, it was just the two of us sharing our passion, riding our motorbikes, the moon shining upon us brightly, guiding our roads, showing our future ahead of us.

I finally knew I belonged somewhere, to someone. It was my hometown, and Choi San.

140 notes · View notes

misoleil · 11 months

Text

"Beyond the Pages"

Growing up, I figured that love is not meant for some people. Some are lucky to find love from the right person, but some are unlucky who are locked in marriage without love. In my case, it’s the latter. My parents don’t love each other. Maybe, at first, they were really in love, but later, ended up arguing. My father’s infidelity is the main reason why my parents separated. I was on my fifth grade when they had the biggest argument I have witnessed to the point where father not only hurt my mother emotionally but physically and mentally, too. At a young age, I tasted the bitter taste of betrayal. It hursts so bad. Father was heartless, he took advantage of my innocence and had me meet and made close contact with his mistresses. One mistress from each station he was assigned to. From that day on, I started to hate men. I hated my father to the core. He betrayed me and hurt my mother. I felt disgusted to have him as my father. That’s why, I promised to myself that I will only spend the rest of my life with the man whose love for me is greater than my feelings for him.

Junior High, I’m starting to become famous. I joined beauty contests and can win some of them.

“Congratulations, Eury! You’ve won 1st runner up for this pageant, again. So proud of you, hija!” my handler said as he hugged me.

“Thank you, Tita! You know that I won’t be able to be on my place now without your guidance. My win is also your win.” I beamed and returned his hug.

Tita Menard is my handler since I was on my 3rd grade of school. He’s gay. I like him because he knows how to handle girls like me. He’s also funny and thoughtful. That’s why whenever I plan to join pageants, I will always have him as my mentor.

“You’re so humble, Eury. But still, congratulations.” He spoke as he broke away from the hug.

I only smiled at him and bid goodbye.

I slowly walked alone on the pathway and had every student’s attention glued on me. I’m now in my 7th grade in junior high school. A freshman, but even higher years have expressed their interests in me.

I walked with grace, my chin held high, like no one would be able to dare come close and speak to me. I won’t deny it, I am beautiful. I am already 5’3 tall for my age, my skin, as white as snow, cheeks are rosy, thin reddish lips, shoulder length jet black wavy hair, and an hourglass shaped body. My body is kind of mature, that’s why they commonly mistake me for almost a college student.

“She’s pretty! I like her fashion sense!” I heard one girl whisper to her group as I walked past them.

“You’re right, even seniors are going crazy for her!” the other one said.

Are they really whispering? Because I can totally hear them talking about me. Hello! I can hear you. I’m only right in of you, duh.

“But I heard she’s a heartbreaker, though. Eury is not entertaining men.” The other girl replied.

I heard them gasp.

“Tsk, go ahead and just talk about me all you want. I don’t really care though.” I said at the back of my mind. I smirked inwardly.

They’re right, though. I ever really entertain boys because I don’t want an easy and temporary love. I am scarred, I am flawed. They think so highly of me, like a goddess with great confidence and courage, but I am not. I’m traumatized, I’m scared to love. I had my first heartbreak at a very young age, and I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want to end up like my mother.

I reached the parking lot. I sighed.

“How I wish you were here, Mom.” I whispered as I looked into the sky, reminiscing about good memories and memories I had with her.

My mom, who I believed was strong, is now long gone from this world. She left me a year after father left us for another woman who is bearing his child. She was depressed to the point that she took sleeping pills every night to fall asleep. One day, she never woke up. She died from overdose. The woman I look up to left me all alone in this cruel world. Her death also became the death of me.

The cheerful and brave Eury is gone. I am now a reckless cold-hearted Eury. I like this version of me, though. Building up walls and setting boundaries helps me to keep myself safe from other people.

I continued walking as I reached for my black BMW sports bike. I smirked. I got this from my father. Ever since mom died, he took me in. But I couldn’t last in their one hell of a house with his mistress that’s why I looked for a small apartment. He was against the idea at first, but eventually gave in. He can’t oppose my decision as he knows I despise him and his new family a lot. I am living on my own, he is still supporting me, but I have a part time job to have extra money. He is giving me a lot, but I don’t want to depend on him too much. But he is the one who pays the bills for my apartment, which I think is good for me. He’s responsible for my mother’s death after all.

I smirked inwardly as I removed fallen leaves on my bike’s seat.

“Time to go home, Boaz. My babies are waiting for me at home.” I softly spoke to my bike as if he was going to answer me. I chuckled.

I hopped on my bike, wore my Spyder matt black helmet and gloves, started the engine and now, I’m off to go. I’m into big bikes. Their speed is dangerous, but I love it. I feel free whenever I ride my bike. The air almost slapping me hard as I drive fast on a wide road.

“Woohoo! Now this is what you call freedom, baby!” I screamed and accelerated more with my bike.

I reached my house, parked my bike in my garage and went straight inside while holding my helmet and key. My apartment is a bit pricey, but I have everything I need in here. I have a living room, with tv, black sofa set, and small table. I also have a kitchen, with a complete set of kitchen utensils. My apartment has two bedrooms at the second floor. My room is the master’s bedroom, and the other is a guest room. I have two bathrooms, too. One, beside the kitchen, and one in my room. I had an extended room also, connected to my bedroom, I asked my dad to renovate this part of the apartment because it is where my babies live.

“I’m home!” I said, even though I am the only one who is living in this house.

I went straight to my bedroom to change for more comfortable clothes. My room has a small walk-in closet, a bathroom, a vanity table, and a bathroom. My walls are painted matt black, my bed is placed beside the large window because I love to watch the pouring rain every wet season. I place my helmet at the small sofa I have in my room, and the keys on my bed side table, as I headed straight to my closet to change.

After changing, I want to see my babies. The connecting room’s door is just beside my bathroom. I opened it and was welcomed with the smell of a vanilla aroma. My babies smelt so good. I opened the door widely and there, the books welcomed my sight.

“Babies! I missed you so much!” I screamed and went to hug my bookracks.

Yes, these are my babies. My books. Books from my favorite authors and stories. I have 3 large bookracks. My love for reading is extraordinary. With the tough life I have, my escape is my books. My books are the one who kept me company in this lonely life, that’s why I really treasure them.

“Wait for me a little bit, okay? I’ll come and bond with you later, okay?” I spoke as I hugged and kiss my books.

I took big strides to go downstairs and prepare my dinner. I opened the refrigerator and took out the ingredients that I will be needing for my dish. I am planning to cook pasta and fry chicken breast for tonight.

“Hmm. Time to cook, Eury.” I muttered to myself.

After an hour, I plated the food, making sure to look presentable and alluring enough for my own style. After that, I went to shower for a bit. I want to make sure that my make up is removed properly to avoid acne.

“It feels good to be home. I guess this is the life that I will be living from now on, Mom.” I spoke breathily.

I sighed. I went back downstairs to pick up my food. I will eat it upstairs as I read a book.

I prepared the table in the middle of the room. I will pamper myself for today before I go back to live a boring life again tomorrow.

I took out a book entitled “Sands of Time”. This is a story about a girl named Soleil, who is being used by her father to scam people from their village claiming that she is the Goddess of the Light, and that she must be praised and worshipped. And a boy who is 7 years older than her, living the life she wanted, free and loved by their townspeople. A man of honor and a successful heir of their business. These are the types of stories that I love to read. Kind of funny though, since I am afraid to love yet most of my books’ genre is all about romance. Maybe because this is where I can only feel the strong emotions of this thing called love. This is where I picture myself being loved by the main lead of the story.

“Pathetic, Eury. Falling in love with fictional characters, huh?” I muttered as I stifle a chuckle at my remark.

I started reading this book last night. It is a story made by my favorite Filipina author, Jonaxx. I have all her books. Series from Montefalco’s, Good Lips Series, Costa Leona Series, Azucarera Series, Alegria boys and girls, Rara Avis Series, as well the the Del Fierro Series. I can say that I am an avid fan of hers.

I continued reading the chapter from where I stopped last night. As I read, I felt happy. I can imagine myself being with a man from these books. A tall man with lean muscular body. With dark brooding eyes that speak dominance, thick brows and lashes, perfectly angled jaw, and a reddish kissable lip. How I wish.

I finished my food and went downstairs for a bit to wash the dishes. I went upstairs right away to continue reading as I was already near the end of the story.

Soleil and Raoul went through the hard times. On how her father almost raped Raoul’s mother, and killed his father, to Soleil who went away as the townspeople of Costa Leona blamed her and her father for killing the most respected man of the town. They were away for 5 years. Yet, after that, Raoul found her at pursued her even though his whole family is against their relationship. A daughter of a killer marrying the son of the victim. Soleil made a sacrifice for Raoul to live a normal life, but Raoul didn’t want it. Their love was so strong that it gave me goosebumps and made me hope to find a love like that. Willing to fight against all odds. I want it, I want that love. But that is only a love that can be found in books. Not in real life, especially in my life.

I sighed as I stood up and cleaned the room before I went to bed. I stared at the ceiling as my mind goes haywire with thoughts about love.

“Time to sleep, Eury. You have a long day again tomorrow.” I said to myself and went straight to sleep.

RING RING RING!

“Ugh! So noisy!” I mumbled as I turned off my alarm clock. It’s 6 o ‘clock in the morning. My class starts at 8. Better get ready.

As I got up from the bed, I heard a noise coming from the kitchen. My eyes widened at that. I immediately stood up and grabbed my pocketknife hidden under my pillow. It serves as my weapon in case someone breaks into my house, and I think that is what’s happening right now. Slowly went downstairs, making sure that he or she couldn’t hear my footsteps.

As I went nearer to the kitchen area, the smell of newly brewed coffee and pancakes attacked my nose.

“What the hell?! Is he really cooking his breakfast amid breaking into a house?!” My thoughts as I walk closely. But then, as I went inside, a tall man with a large shoulder with no upper cloth dominated my sight.

He faced me, as if he is already expecting my appearance.

“Good morning, Eury. Time to eat breakfast.” He said, grinning widely, like a dog happy to see his master.

I can’t process it. He looks about 6’3 tall, his body is not that muscular, but his muscles are placed in the right places. He has thick brows and long lashes, a deep set of eyes that are dark and brooding is focused on me, his thin red lips are stretched from smiling, his hair are in a clean cut, and his perfectly angled jaw looks do gorgeous. Oh man, this is a man that can only be seen in books! I didn’t know that there are already thieves as beautiful as he is.

“W-who are y-you? What are you doing in my house?!” I shouted as I pointed my pocketknife to him.

“Hey, chill. You summoned me here, Eury.” He said as he held his hand high as if surrendering to my threat.

“What?! Summoned? Are you crazy?! You’re not only a thief, but you are also crazy! Get out of here!” I shouted, almost sprinting towards his direction.

“Hey, hey! Come on, I even cooked you your breakfast. If I really am a thief, then I shouldn’t have stayed here for you to see me.” He explained calmly.

I scanned the area and saw that nothing had been touched by my things aside from the kitchen area where he cooked my breakfast. Lowly, I put down knife, but still in a defensive stance as I faced him.

“Then why are you here? Who are you? What do you need from me?!” I said, almost hysterically because, damn it, I don’t know him!

“I’m Adler, and as I have told you already, you are the one who summoned me.” He spoke.

What the hell is he talking about? Is he going nuts? I don’t have time for this. He looks trustable so I guess it’s only okay if I leave him here. I’ll be late for school, and I haven’t showered yet.

“Please, leave the house. I don’t know you, and I have a long day ahead.” I said, dismissing his remarks. I went upstairs and had a quick shower. After preparing, I picked up my keys and helmet as I ran downstairs but jolted to a stop when I saw him leaning at the door frame of the kitchen.

“You should eat your breakfast first, Eury. It is the most—”

“I told you to leave. I’ll be late for school, lock the doors when you leave.” I said.

He held out his hand and grabbed my elbows slowly. He made me face him and dropped the most confusing words I have ever heard.

“You’ll know soon why I am here, Eury. For now, I’ll let you do what you want, and live the life of a normal teenager. Take care.” He said as he pat my head.

“Stop acting like we’re close, dumbass!” I spat.

Without further ado, I left the house to attend my classes. I have no friends at school, despite being a beauty queen, a dancer, and a singer, at school, I guard myself up. I built walls to protect my feelings. But thar changed when Adler came into the picture.

I got used to him showing up suddenly at home. He always cooked for my food. He was there to help me with my homework. There are times that he isn’t around, but always shows up for my big events and performances. I finished Junior High with high honors. Took up STEM for my strand as I was planning to take up Psychology in college. Adler, is one hell weird of a person but he was the one who helped and watched me grow. Although most of the time, I feel weirded out with him showing up anywhere from the house, I got used to it. After all, aside from my books, he also became my escape.

I graduated SHS with high honors, and Adler was there at the crowd, smiling proudly like a boyfriend. I won’t deny it, with him by my side for all these years, I’ve grown to love him. But I am afraid that’s why I can’t take risks. I’ll hide my feelings the best that I can to not ruin our relationship.

“Congratulations, Eury! You’re almost a step closer to your dream!” He said, smiling widely as he came close to hug me.

“Thank you, Adler! You’ve been a great of help when it comes to my academics, though.” I said as I let out a heartily chuckle.

He laughed at my remark and pulled away from the hug to hold my hand.

“Come, let’s celebrate!” he said.

I looked at our hands, he intertwined it with his. What is this? I looked up to him, confused with the sudden change of treatment.

Before I could talk, he already pulled me to his gray SUV.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“We’ll go eat lunch and watch movie.” He said.

Is this a date? Both of us? This is new.

We had a date for the very first time. We continued hanging out for the rest of the summer. This is the first time that he stayed longer than usual.

I enrolled at a university and took up Nursing as my course. Adler came to accompany me. After that, we went on a date again. I am now having a hard time suppressing this feeling of mine. Adler’s treatment made it worse. It’s like he is telling me what he thinks of me through actions. But I won’t name it. Adler knows how scared I am when it comes to love, he is aware of it. I don’t even know how he knows it.

School year started, and Adler is nowhere in sight. It has been 8 months since he last visited, I wonder what happened to him. The though of him leaving me breaks my heart. Months turned into years. I waited and waited. Every night, I cried. I missed him so much that it teared me apart. I wonder what went wrong? We were okay before he left. Is that his last visit? Is he done taking care of me? I was okay alone before he appeared, but now, I don’t think I can live independently anymore.

“Adler, please, come back to me. I promise, I’ll be honest with my feelings. Just please, come home to me” I cried until I fell asleep.

It was useless though, another 5 years have passed, I already graduated and passed my board exam, too. I am now a Registered Nurse and currently working at a well-known hospital. I got used to living a life without Adler. Years without him are like a living hell. I have no choice but to continue striving forward after years of depending on him. What can I do? He made me too dependent on him. He made me believe that he will never leave me. His actions towards me tells how much he loves me, but I chose to ignore it because of my past, my trauma. How I wish I became more honest about what I truly feel for him.

“Is this my karma for taking you for granted, Adler? I didn’t mean it to be like that, but my trauma got me. I miss you so much” I muttered, as if he’ll come back if he hears it.

After my shift, I went to a nearby coffee shop. I chose a shop where they have racks of books that can be read while having their coffee time. I went to the counter to ask for my order.

“Good afternoon, Ma’am. Welcome to Brewcup. May I ask your order, please?” The cashier spoke.

“Good afternoon. One Spanish latte and 1 slice of carrot cake, please.” I answered.

“Okay, ma’am. That’ll be 467 pesos in total.” She said.

I handed her my credit card, and she swiped it on the cashier. She handed it back to me, afterwards.

“Thank you, ma’am. We’ll just deliver your order in a while.” She smiled.

I said my thanks back to her and went straight to fin a seat. I found a better place to read, that’s why I went there. My order came, while holding my coffee, I went to look for a book to read. One book caught my attention entitled “Beyond the Pages”. I took it and started to flip the pages. What I saw made me tremble. How did tis happen? The page after the cover book was a sketch of me and Adler, watching a movie right after my graduation in Senior High School. Shock filled me. I flipped the pages more and read some lines, to my surprise, it mirrored my life. Even the words are exactly the same of how I said it before.

What the actual fuck is this? Is this really true? What the hell is happening? I flipped and flipped the pages until I came across the part where Adler left me.

“Oh god! What is this?!” I panicked; my coffee spilled as my hand felt weak from this.

“Am I a character of a story?!” I muttered in disbelief.

“Does that mean my life is fake? Is that it? Am I a creation of someone?!” I continued to tremble as I spoke.

No, this is not true. My life is not a lie, it is not created by mere someone. This is probably a coincidence. Yes, that’s it. But that thought ended up quickly as I read the next page. Adler, didn’t leave me because he wanted to. He left because he died. And that ended the story. I went to the front page to see the author of the book. And it dawned on me.

The author is named Eurydice Soleil Delgado. My hands felt weak, I dropped the book with a loud thud. The author is no other than me. The book ended 5 years ago. But why? Why am I still here? Then suddenly, a conclusion came to my mind instantly. Maybe I am still here because I can’t accept the fate the author gave me? That I became alive unconsciously to continue living this miserable life for not accepting how Adler left me. Maybe that’s it. If it is, then I am doomed. I will forever be stuck in these pages where no one else will read anymore. I am now locked up in a world where no one knows I truly exist, just because of love.

#shortstory

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surveykilop · 2 years

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Beth ditto

“Let’s get totally real about it and say that it’s not just taste that keeps Gossip ignored by the U.S. She has some very specific ideas about why that is. ”ĭitto and her band are far more popular in the U.K. It’s a complicated bag of tools I acquired, and I’ve put them all to work onstage. The cliché of the Funny Fat Friend: I absolutely was that character - I am that character. “My size has helped make me an amazing performer too. Though her weight gives her no small amount of youthful angst, Ditto credits her physicality with birthing her brash performing style. You could order vegetarian food all over town! It was so crazy to me - a place with so many vegetarians, the restaurants made special dishes for them? Being in Olympia was like going off to college. “The culture shock continued Olympia had bagels! We didn’t have bagels in Arkansas. I was new to the whole punk scene,” she excitedly recalls. It was a normal experience - Uncle Lee Roy had been coming at me that way ever since I could remember, beginning when I was about four years old.”ĭesperate to get out of Arkansas and enamored with the burgeoning Riot Grrrl movement, Ditto and some friends decide to move to Olympia, Washington and change their lives forever, even in simple ways. Every time we were alone, his hands were everywhere. Recreational vices and mistaken identity paled in comparison to some of the darker aspects of Ditto’s childhood. She chose Homer, and Homer chose me, so he lent me his name even though I didn’t have his blood.” Some dude who didn’t stick around too long who Mom was happy to get rid of. Mom had had a fling with some other guy who was my dad. “My mother told me Homer Ditto was not my father. I fed my habit by slipping Winstons from Aunt Jannie’s pack during our talk-and-television marathons.”ĭitto was under a mistaken impression growing up about whom her actual father was. As she explains, “an old babysitter had taught me to inhale at the tender age of six. These are the most revealing parts:įrom an early age, Ditto’s family provided some, let’s say, lax supervision. At only 153 pages, the book is a brief read, but it’s got its fill of drama. Beth Ditto’s Coal to Diamonds (Spiegel & Grau), out October 9, finds the provocative Gossip frontwoman sharing the details of her journey from poverty and a broken home in small town Arkansas to dance-punk stardom. She told the Guardian, “Instead of a fuss being made about a few cause célèbre exceptions on the catwalk, what I’d really like instead is for most models to be a size 10 rather than a size 8.Finally, the fall’s parade of music memoirs features a title from someone who is not an old white rocker. But is that a bad thing?īritish Vogue editor Alexandra Shulman, for one, is tiring of “shock” casting. WWD called the partially 3-D collection “disjointed.” thought the clothes were “all over the map.” And Cathy Horyn liked some of the S&M and biker-chic looks, all worn with Joan Jett wigs, but thinks the “deviance feels a bit old hat.” Everyone seems to agree that Beth Ditto was the best part of the show and perhaps overshadowed it. This collection’s pleats can be worn by any size and adapt to different body shapes.”īut critics were left feeling confused by the clothes in the the show, invitations to which came with 3-D glasses guests had to remember to bring. Gaultier told reporters after the show, “What counts is personality, there is not just the one form of stereotyped beauty. Renn was one of the few other plus-size models on the runway. Jean Paul Gaultier, who has become known for casting Renn in his runway shows and current fall 2010 campaign, cast Beth Ditto to open and close his show Saturday. Paris Fashion Week is doing much more for the plus-size model movement than New York Fashion Week, where the only notable plus-size model casting was Crystal Renn at Z-Spoke.

#Beth ditto

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bookloveravenue · 2 years

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Brutal Boys of Everlake Prep (book 1): Kings of Quarantine by Caroline Peckham & Susanne Valenti

Cruel. Heartless. Quarantined. The ruthless boys of Everlake Prep never saw lockdown coming. But the virus isn’t their number one enemy.

I am.

And as if being confined to a boarding school for the elite wasn’t bad enough, now I’m stuck in isolation with the boys who hate me most too.

Saint, Kyan and Blake. The Night Keepers. Or so they call themselves. They’ve embodied the Native American legend which lives in this valley, taking on the role of the monsters who lurk in the forest. And though they act like beasts, they may also bethe most tempting creatures I’ve ever seen.

With the virus escalating and my dad’s name splashed through the news, my entire world is falling apart. What he did has cast a dark shadow over me. And the Night Keepers want to make me pay for his crimes.

Then things went from bad to worse when I touched the sacred rock. A rock which supposedly holds a curse to bind me as the Night Keepers’ slave. And as crazy as it sounds, I decided to play along. Because there are things about me they don’t know. Things my dad has hidden from me for years. All I can be sure of is that I have to find a way to escape this school. But until then, those savage boys are making my life a living hell.

As the virus sweeps through the country and the world twists into something ugly and unknown, the kings of this school become true monarchs. Even the teachers bow to them now. And I’m kinda glad about that ‘stay six feet away from one another’ rule, because without it, I know they’d rip me apart.

At least there’s a silver lining. I’m cosying up to Coach Monroe. My hot as hell, brooding P.E. teacher who has a vendetta of his own against the Night Keepers. And with his help, I may succeed at doing more than escaping the clutches of these heartless fiends. I might even destroy them along the way.

My father taught me how to be strong.

How to prepare for the end of the world.

So this isn’t going to be the end of my world, mark my words.

But if I’m able to use my mind and body to bring these assholes to their knees, it might just be the end of theirs.

This is a high school bully RH series with off the charts angst, dark themes and is not for the faint of heart. Prepare to enrol at Everlake Prep. Bring your hand sanitiser, face masks and toilet paper to barter with, but don’t expect to hold onto them for long. Because it’s time to go into quarantine with the Night Keepers. And everything you own now belongs to them.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52775593-kings-of-quarantine

********

May 6, 2022

My Review: 3.5/5 Stars

I've read Caroline Peckham and Susanne Valenti's books before. I read their Solaria world books (Zodiac Academy, Ruthless Boys, and Darkmore). I knew their style and was warned what type of books these are. So warning upfront, if you aren't into bully romances you won't like this. Truthfully, it's not my thing either. I've read a few here and there. Zodiac Academy definitely started that way in the series but I have to say I think Everlake may be a tad worse in that aspect. It was a little challenging for me to get into the story. And with this series focusing on their own version of a pandemic, I wasn't sure if I was going to stick with story. With that said, I did finish it. And I'm intrigued enough to keep going. The characters are brutal in their own ways. But interesting monsters that make me want to know why they are the way they are. How they got shaped into this very different personalities. Also, what I really want to know and why I'm going to continue the series, is I want to see if they can be redeemed in anyway. How do their stories play out? Even after all the bad? The glimpses of good are there and I am curious to see more.

So to set the story up, we follow several points of view in this story, but our story starts with Tatum. Her father is dropping her off at a rich kid boarding school because he has to be somewhere for work where she can't go for once. Her father is a virologist and with a bad virus released, his job just got busy. Tatum has no idea what kind of school it truly is that she got dropped off at. First off, the school is run by three guys who call themselves the Night Keepers. Saint, Blake, and Kyan. She can see the darkness stirring in all three of them and feels a pull toward them. But her first few days of perhaps not making any enemies and trying to make friends for once comes crashing down when it is released that her father is the cause of the virus that has rapidly spread. Everyone turns on her despite her protests at the lies. But the ones who turn on her the most are the Night Keepers. Specifically Blake who lost his mother to the virus months earlier. Now all his grief and rage has been released and he found someone to take it out on: Tatum. Tatum doesn't break easily but the Night Keepers will test at every step and do whatever they can to destroy her. But underneath all the hate is a small layer that feels a pull toward Tatum. It's messy and complicated and you'll both hate and love these characters at their complexities. Tatum is kick ass and strong. If anyone can handle them, it's her. And when she finds an ally in Monroe, a young teacher with his own issue with the Night Keepers, she may find a way to fight back.

Overall, the story was pretty good considering. And like I said earlier, I'm just too intrigued by these characters to not keep going. I want to see those redemption arcs and what that looks like for those who could show the deepest of cruelty but also the deepest of protectiveness. Guess we'll see!

#book #books #i love books #my review #book review #caroline peckham #susanne valenti #brutal boys of everlake prep #kings of quarantine

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the-soliloquies-of-sadists · 3 years

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#259

“Seth? Right? C’mon in. Your brother told you who I am? Good. Want a beer?... Here you go. Let’s go out to the back deck. The sun went down, and the cool evening air is starting to kick in. Have a seat…. Ok. Seth, do you know why you are here? Let me be blunt. Your brother David owes me a lot of money. A lot. He’s been doing jobs for me that I need someone I can trust to do. But that’s barely covering the interest. I told him he needs to start working down the principal. So, he offered me… you….

“That’s right he sold you to me. You are going to whore off his debt…. Shut the fuck up. The deal is set. Have some more beer; it will help you to deal with what I need to go over with you….

“Your brother probably told you that I am a powerful man. Hopefully he didn’t tell you what I did. I will share with you one part of my business that you will be a part of. I have several whore agencies across several states. They ain’t like the whorehouses in the movies. The girls never see money; they show up at a set time and do whatever the man wants. They do not say no. They get to live in city, and they show their clients the best the city has to offer. They have everything paid for and get a nice credit card too.

“A few years ago—hell it’s more like ten or so, —I was convinced to do the same but on the fag side. Now, I knew nothing about fag sex, and it disgusted me. Once I got over the visuals, the business was just like the girls. The difference I found out was that I had to have two sets of whores—fag boys like yourself, and men old enough to be your father.

“It was Frankie, one of my goons, who told me that there is a lot money to be made by men taking the dominant role. I didn’t believe it. So, he arranged for me to watch him from a distance him work over this faggot. He didn’t tell me how much he was earning. When I saw this fag hand over three hundred bucks, I knew I needed to get into this. I mean my guy did barely anything other than smack the fag around, call him names, and sit on the faggot’s face at the end. That fag ate that fat ass while pounding its pud. Frankie even went over to the fag’s wallet and took an additional hundred out of it. And wouldn’t you know, that fag boy was loving life.

“Needless to say, that was how I got into the fag whoring business. I had Frankie lead it; he even got somewhat in shape, and now he’s my most popular whore men. Wait a minute, you know him. He fucked you behind a dumpster in the alley behind that fag bar a couple weeks ago. When I saw you at David’s birthday partner at my tavern and he told me that you were his sperm burping brother, I sent Frankie to find out more about you. I know that you can take a good pounding, face slaps, rough housing. Frankie also told me that you cleaned off his cock after we was done and that you drank his piss. You even begged him for more as he walked away from you, naked covered in piss behind the dumpster. That’s all I needed to hear.

“After meeting with your brother, all I had to do was press the massive debt. I knew how self-serving he was. He sold you out so fucking fast. And now I own you. Now strip faggot….

“You do realize who I am? No one ever disobeys one of my direct commands. Now think about your next move real carefully. STRIP YOU FUCKING FAGGOT. Take your time standing up. That drug I put in your beer will make you kinda dizzy if you stand too fast. Yeah, I didn’t want you to run back to your car. Kid, when you came in that door, you were mine. That’s it. Accept your fate. Good boy.

“Yeah, after Frankie roughed up that fag, I was curious. He arranged for me to use one of his regulars who was blindfolded. It was so much fun to kick and punch that faggot only to have him crawl to me, begging for more. With each time, I got more wicked, and they wanted more. I had a few fags over the years locked up and had the best of all worlds. My wife provides me with companionship. My girlfriend offers sensual making love and snuggling. And my faggot takes all my rage filled abuse.

“Underwear needs to go too. Let’s see what you have. Not bad. Looks like you are excited about being naked in front of me. That’s a lot of pre-cum. Decent sized balls. I’d say you are about six inches long. The shaft is a bit thin, but the head is good size. Your foreskin is not too long. That’s good. If there’s going to be one sweaty stinky dick around here, it will be mine. If yours becomes a problem, we’ll get you circumcised.

“What? Faggot, you are nothing more to me than my pickup. If I want to modify you out, I sure as hell am going to. I modify all my property. Tattoos, piercing, permanent hair removal, castration, branding, and so on. But actually, I am a bit cautious. I made the mistake of castrating a fag and regretted it afterwards. He just didn’t seem right to me. The cutter I went to tried to put in fake balls, but it still didn’t seem right. I ended up replacing that fag with another.

“I am looking for my perfect fag. I’m planning on letting my girlfriend go, but sometimes I need that close touch. Not going to do that with my wife. Every day now I realize that I want to be with faggots over women. Faggots are so much easier to mold into what I want. And every now and then I might snuggle with one.

“I like what I see. I want to see your cumload. Jerk off for me. I’ll give you a few minutes to do so. When you do, shoot in your spare hand. I want to see the quantity. I’m going to get your collar; it’s probably done charging. I’m also going to take your car keys. You ain’t going anywhere. Continue jacking….

“….Did you cum? You did! Good fag. When was the last time you came? Yesterday morning? Well that’s a good load. Here, lock this collar around your neck. Ok, so here’s the deal. You can jack off as often as you like, whenever you like as long as I am not using you. If I catch you jacking off, don’t stop. If you are watching porn, continue. But know this, no matter if you haven’t cum in days or you just had a massive orgasm, should I require your use, I fully expect 100% horniness and enthusiasm.

“This remote is hooked up to your collar. With this button… you fall to the floor just like that. Hurt’s like a mother fucker hunh? That’s on low. Remember that. It is also set up to shock you should you cross a 20-foot perimeter of the house. I am notified by an app on my phone when you do something that stupid. Also, the garage and my office on the third floor are completely off limits. You will not fare well should you cross that threshold without me.

“Bring your cock over here. Is your dick head sensitive. It is! Fuck yes! As you get soft, it’s driving you crazy. Good. Good. I see a problem here. Your pubic hair is all over the place. You shouldn’t have hair down here. Look how long this hair is. There’s enough so that I can twirl a bunch around my finger. With a firm yank,… it comes out in one clump. Aww shut the fuck up. Most of the time your screams of pain will turn me on, but now it’s just annoying. Another clump on the other side, and it doesn’t even look like you lost any.

“Look at me faggot. Say ‘Thank you.’ Good fag. Open your mouth. Here eat your pubic hair. Go on chew it. Nasty? I know, now swallow. And here’s… another bunch. Swallow these…. And these… And these… You’ll be permanently shaved in the near future so you won’t have to do much pubic hair eating.

“While you finish your snack, let me take you around the place and show you your duties. This is the kitchen. David told me that you went to culinary school but then dropped out. Well, you will be doing all the cooking here. Cleaning too.

“Let’s go downstairs…. This is your room, although you really don’t have privacy. Over there is your cot. Next to it is the plug you will put into your collar every night. I am notified on my app should the power level drop below 75%. That’s equivalent for not charging for a full week. Unless I just slam you with shocks, I should never get one of those notifications.

“You have a wash basin there, and your toilet is there. There’s your douche hose over there in the shower. No, I haven’t gotten around to buying it a toilet seat; the cold porcelain is fine. And I haven’t hooked up the hot water down here.

“Let’s go up to the Master bedroom…. You never climb into my bed unless I invite you in. In fact no non-sexual furniture for you either without permission. Through that door is the master bath. You will keep this place spotless. That includes licking clean my toilet. The rimseat next to it is when I want to make you toilet paper or a full toilet.

“And here’s the playroom. It’s totally soundproofed. You are going to suffer a lot in here. Screaming is encouraged. In fact, what time is it? Seven. Well we might as well start now. Get on all fours—knees and elbows. Spread those knees wide. Every night you will present yourself in this position, as you will every morning.

“Don’t get too excited. I am going to fuck you good, long, and deep. But that won’t until the end. We got a long way to go. You see, the only people who knows my affinity for preferring the boys to the girls are Frankie, me, and now you. Your brother thinks I’m adding you to my harem of fags. This is something that cannot get out. And if it does, I will know it came from you, and I want you to know the perpetual hell that will come your way.

“Tonight is a test of what you can expect, but keep in mind, tonight’s suffering will be only five hours long, much shorter than what will be if my preference is ever widely known.

“And after the paddling your ass to a welted mess, whipping your back until it turns to bloody hamburger, kicking your balls until they are swollen to twice their size, bruising up your face, and fucking you with very little lube, I may feel the need to snuggle up with you afterwards.

“But first, there’s a lot to do before we do that. Oh look your balls are just ripe for a good old fashioned full-force kick. Every night and every morning you will get one to always remind you what you are.

“Faggot right now with this kick your hell begins.”

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teeninpanic · 3 years

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Five Brothers (1)

requested from @profoundtyrantharmony I really liked the idea so as soon as I saw the comment I knew I have to write it down, and I think I will make it into a multi chapter because as soon as I started to write, I got bunch of ideas (also don’t wanna rush things).

summary: Ragnar, Aslaug, Lagertha, Floki and the Ragnarsons gets teleported into the 21th century at y/n’s backyard

I’m sorry if you find grammar problems, I try my best, but english is not my main language. Hope you will like it.

The weather was dark and cloudy all day It made most of the people sad and grumpy. Today was your day off so you thought that laying in bad, binging a new show and putting on masks will be the best thing that you can do. As you did these things the weather just went more crazier. It started to rain really quickly and some loud lightning’s arrived as well. A big storm came. You never was scared of flash but this time, they were much louder and it made you jump a few times. You took off your mask and the weirdness didn’t go away It just grew thicker. Now everything smelled like salty sea. You went down to your living room and stared outside to your backyard. The rain just kept coming down and another thunder that ended up in your backyard made you jump. It was so close. You never saw a thunder this close. It almost made you go blind. And then you started seeing things.People to be exact at your backyard. You thought you are hallucinating because you didn’t get enough sleep this week but it all looked real. You counted the people at your yard. 9.

They all looked confused and extremely old. Not in age, but in they appearance. Maybe at this point you thought maybe you fell asleep watching Lucifer and now you are dreaming . You really got curious and you really believed that you were dreaming so without thinking you step outside. The nine people, two women and 7 men all stared at you. One of the man with blonde hair and a beard started to walk closer to you.

“You must tell us where the gods took us!” He yelled and you got scared a bit. They all were so much scarier closer. You had just a gut feeling that they all did something wrong in their life and as wrong you meant crime.

“the gods?” you ask back. “Who are you?” you are confused.

“I am Bjorn Ironside!” He kept yelling. “And this is my father. You must know him. He is Ragnar Lothbrok!” His father smiled with his calm face at you but you didn’t know him. Why would you know that old man anyway?

“I don’t know him. I’m sorry” everyone got surprised.

“How is that possible? Everyone knows him!” Another old man asked from Bjorn

“You are must be lying. You must know my mother Lagertha! the brave shield-maiden.” I wish he would stop yelling my neighbors are must be so annoyed.

“I’m sorry but no, and I am not lying.” the rain started to cool down.

“Where are we?” a younger one asked who looked simillar to Bjorn. He had a weird eye as well. It almost looked like a snakes eye.

“At my backyard? In (your city’s name).” they looked confused.

“Why did the gods send us here?” One of them got thinking.

“Let me introduce myself” a woman stepped to me with such a beautiful shaped eyes. “ I am Aslaug. Ragnar Lothbrok is my children father, Sigurd, Ubbe, Hvitserk and Ivar” She introduced them and I took good looks of them. Each of the brothers were different. “Floki is a great friend of the family, and Lagertha is Ragnar’s… first wife. And Bjorn is their child.” Thanks to her now I at least knew their names.

“We do not know, where we are so perhaps you could help us?” she asks and puts her arm to my shoulder. By her touch you knew you wasn’t dreaming and a panic grew in your stomach.

They were at your backyard by a lightning. They look weird and talk weird. And you are not dreaming. What is happening? How did they come here? By teleporting? That’s insane. It cannot be true. They said the gods took them but that is impossible. And yet the panic and yet the fear you invite them inside. They all look so surprise. At the window door, and the wall sized windows, the lights, the walls, your decors. Everything is so weird to them. You guys all have at least something in common. Weirdness and being afraid. Floki gets his hands on everything like he tries to figure out what each of the things are made of. Lagertha is deep in her mind. She looks like she regretted something. Ragnar in the first second doesn’t know where to look then watches Floki touching stuff. Aslaug is worried and it shows. She is so afraid she is shivering. The brothers are a bit more weird. Bjorn looks proud, like everything is in his hands. Like he rules the world and could get anything that he just wants. Sigurd is more shy. And not just his eye he actually looks like a snake. It’s like he is hiding something. Protecting it like it is his eggs. Ubbe is watching you ALL THE TIME. He cannot take his eyes off of you and Hvitserk looks lost but every time he notices that you look at him he smiles. You don’t know if he tries to get your attention or just protects himself, showing that he is all right. At lest you know Ubbe is for sure interested in you. And then Ivar. You didn’t notice at first, just when you invited them inside that he doesn’t use his legs probably because he can’t. He looks all broken and like he is planning revenge in every little second. When he looked back at you first, something moved inside of you, your heart, your veins, your stomach. All at once. He really was angry and showed no fear in his eyes. He scared you but also somehow got you interested in many ways.

‘So will you help us?’ Lagertha asked.

‘Yeah. I mean I don’t know how.’ you crossed your arms and started thinking ‘this all is just too weird’ you sighed.

‘you don’t say’ Ivar rolled his eyes.

‘Ivar!’ Aslaug turned to him.

‘Mother?’he gave a fake smile to her then his face went back to the grumpy normal one.

‘We can figure things out tomorrow.’ Ubbe said with a yawn. It was really getting late.

‘I agree.’ you said ‘you guys can take the living room.’ you showed them the living room and then pulled the couch out that had a little sound and they jumped. You let out a laugh because it was just so funny how everything is new to them. ‘I’m so sorry’ you said, then you gave them pillows and blankets.

Your living room was small and two of the brothers didn’t fit, (Ubbe and Hvitserk) so they slept at your room, at the floor.

You don’t even know what your doing. One thing is clear, you are doing something very freaking crazy. But they seem lost, you feel sorry for them and you want to help them maybe get to know them.

to be continued…

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futurewriter2000 · 3 years

Text

Dysfunctional - pt. 1

A/N: I'm just bored.

Growth is something only a little amount of people know about. Nobody truly wants to grow but they do, whether they choose to or not, through time they change.

And so as a bad man finds a bible, a good woman finds her power.

Who were you in the eyes of most people? - A question that always floated in the back of your mind. Like a pebble in your shoe, the one you could never get rid of. It was the main question that bothered you all years through Hogwarts, up to a point where you pushed it so far down and completely transformed it.

Who are you in the eyes of yourself?

Foolish question that oddly worked wonders for you and your transformation. You change your mindset, you change yourself right? At least that's what all those Muggle books had been telling you.

All Hogwarts dug their interest in you all of a sudden but you haven't thought much about it. For you, it was as if nothing had changed. You thought you didn't interest anybody and that was what made you keep yourself on the right path to focus on you and the little moments life has to offer.

"I can't believe that's her." Sirius leaned over, staring and smiling.

"Wave a whole banner, don't you." Remus retorded, rolling his eyes.

"If only she wasn't a Slytherin- by the way, how could she had got sorted into Slytherin. Since our interactions had always been so... civil and well... she posed no threat what-so-ever. I'd always imagined her being in a Hufflepuff." James added, meanwhile Sirius sat down and grabbed himself a toast.

"She lives not far from us." started Peter and all eyes turned to him. "(Y/n)." he felt the need to clarify. "I had heard loads of shouting in her house... since we lived there, everybody knew her family situation."

"Rich and spoiled?" Sirius rolled his eyes, taking another bite in his toast.

"Rich and... strict... very strict father and mother..." Peter mumbled, looking at his bread.

"Oh, that's right. Met her father once- loud old sod." James looked back, looking at you laughing with some of other Slytherins- the bad kind that caused his heart to be swallowed by his stomach. "Always so angry..." he continued, looking at you until your eyes met and he quickly turned away.

"She's got nice hair." said Sirius as all of them furrowed their eyebrows at him. "It's just an observation." he shrugged.

---

You had been starting to hang out a lot with the wrong crowd of Hogwarts. Everybody started to notice... everybody started to say they were corrupting you and the changes they noticed were quite massive.

You started talking back to the teachers. Something you have never thought of doing, since your shyness was a large part of your childhood personality. But that was just it... you weren't a child anymore, were you?

You were going out of the classroom when somebody rushed right into you, spilling the coffee in your hand all over you and your books.

The boy's eyes widened as he continued to look at the stains that were starting to show all over your uniform.

"I am so sorry, (Y/N). I swear, I didn't mean to- I just- you appeared out of nowhere-" James started to apologize. You were only staring down, staring at him, then back down and just as James was preparing to be yelled at, hexed at or cursed at you let out a laugh.

"Well hell..." you smiled up at him. "Finally a reason to get a new robe." you let out another laugh, meanwhile James only stood there.

"You're not... mad?"

"Well, being mad wouldn't really do us much favour, would it now?" you picked up your books that weren't that much damaged as you thought they'd be. "Shame for the coffee tho. Can't really function without it."

"Coffee?" he repeated. "You're mad about the coffee?" he started to feel a bit relieved.

"I don't joke about coffee, Potter. You should know that." you wiped the books with the sleeves of your uniform. You started to take off the robe so that you would only stand there in front of him with your shirt, tie and skirt. Only then James started to realise how much your body has changed since the last time he had seen you. Your breast, specifically, where he could see your finely shaped lace bra through the coffee stain. He felt his cheeks go red, radiating through his faint freckles and you couldn't help yourself but to smile.

"I'm so sorr- rry." he muttered again, taking off his robe and offering it to you. "Here. Take it."

"Oh, nice. A Gryffindor robe." you took it and wrapped it around yourself. "Though, I always imagined stealing it." you winked and he let out a laugh.

"Would fit your house perfectly."

"Theft?" you questioned. "No. Not a trait for Slytherins."

"No?" he grinned, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back. "If it's not their trait, then whose is?"

"Mine." you winked again, grabbing the bag from the floor as James grabbed your books. "Now, imagine a Slytherin coming into the common room with a Gryffindor robe. God, I'd piss them all off."

James started to laugh. "You hate your own house?"

"Oh, God no." you let out a laugh as you started to walk beside him and notice him looking at you, observing you. "I just find this house thing rivalry real funny." you said, finding him still staring. You stopped and turned around. "What are you staring at Potter?"

"You, clearly." he pointed out bluntly. "It suits you so much better than me and it clearly doesn't even fit you."

You started to laugh. "Well, don't get jealous over it. I'll give it back to you when we reach the dungeons."

"Oh, you can give it back later?"

"Why?"

"Because you can see everything through the stains. Why do you think I offered it to you? Plus, you said you wanted to piss off Slytherins and I'd like to piss of Slytherins as well."

"A common interest."

"Exactly."

"Though, I think they'll live, knowing I wear a bra and that I have... a body. Maybe they'll finally stop thinking I'm half mermaid or something." you started to joke and so did James. "If I really wanted to piss them off, I'd use a tie because a robe looks like any other robe, really."

James was the one that stopped now, shoving the books he held into your arms and untying his tie.

"No way, you're doing that. I was joking."

"I'm not." he smiled with his teeth and pulled it over his head. He untied yours and pulled it over yours, exchanging it for his own, Gryffindor tie. "Tell me how it goes. " he said just before he left, lifting your tie in his fist. "I'll keep on to this- just in case I don't get mine back.

"Alrighty!" you shouted after him.

---

It wasn't until the next day when James was drowsily eating his breakfast before his practice. You came from behind and scared him half to death. His toast flew from his hand and all eyes flew to the two of you. You squeezed between him and the red-head, completely dismissing her presence as you gave James a cheeky smile.

"Want to know?"

"You made my toast fly away." he siad drowsily.

"And you made my coffee make love to the floor. Now do you want to know?"

"How are you so chirp this morning? It's not even seven?"

"Got up at 2am. Had like two coffees since then. Anyway. Do you want to know?"

"Two in the morning? Hell, why did you get up so early- that's not even early... that's like late. And yeah, I do want to know." he started t wake up to the news.

"Been studying all week at night and now I sleep in the noon and am awake in the night. Fun." you chirped.

"Okay- tell me what happened?"

"The looks- oh, my God, you should have been there when I walked it. It was like I murdered their entire family."

"No-" he let out a laugh.

"Mulciber came to me." you started to talk in a more drama-spilling tone and James got excited.

"I thought the two of you were like friends."

"Us? Maybe in another dimension but like-

' *flashback*

"What the hell are you wearing?" he stomped to you and grabbed you by your tie, to which you shoved away in a second.

"Haven't you seen this new trend? I think it goes with- you are what you eat." you started to tease, turning around like a fashion model as you placed your hands on your hips. "Or in this case, you wear what you eat and I eat coffee every day, any day." you winked.

"And the tie?"

"You like?" you continued, seeing the little jealousy burn in his eyes, except you knew far well it wasn't jealousy. It was possessiveness and you'd rather go to hell than be anybody's property. "It's from my new beau." you fanned yourself, wrapping yourself in his robe and peeking through it. "A prince on white horse came to me today-"

"Be serious, (y/n)."

"I am dead serious." you pouted playfully. "He rushed on his horse and knocked me down, spilled my poor coffee all over me. It was like love at first sight. He scooped me into his arms and said 'Oh, dear! How could I have hurt this beautiful creature.-"

"You really didn't say that?" James interrupted the story telling, laughing as the other's who were surrounding you laughed with you.

"I did. Now let me go back."

- "He didn't say that!" Mulciber rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you're shagging a Gryffindor?"

"I'm not." you started to get more serious. "And if I would be, would it be such a bad thing doing one? I mean, you only live once, why would it be wrong not taking a taste of all four cakes." you teased again, causing him to grow redder in his pale skin.

"You stole it."

"It was pleasantly exchanged."

"Exchanged?"

"A tie for a tie." you smiled.

"Why don't we go, eye for an eye?"

"Because nobody wants to give their eye, silly." you continued.

"You really annoy me, you know."

"I do and I really do not care. I only want to go to my room and take a nap."

"I will find out, you know!"

"I don't care!"

"Who was it?!"

"Dumbledore!"

*end of fashback*

"You're crazy." James continued to laugh.

"A little dysfunctional but not crazy." you winked and got up.

"And my things?"

"Do you got mine?"

"No, I didn't think I'd see you this early."

"Well then... guess they are mine now." you leaned forward, an inch apart as both of you continued to grin at each other, not another word spoken. You didn't dare to look anywhere else than his hazel eyes, such a wonderful mixture of green, brown and yellow. It amazes you how somebody can have such a wonderful eye colour. He didn't even only have one colour but three. "Pretty." you said, still smiling and pulled away, jumping back on your feet as he turned to you, smiling.

"Wait!" Sirius spoke before you could leave. "When did... when did you become best friends?"

"We didn't." James answered and you looked down at him, raising an eyebrow and feeling amused.

"No. We just made blood bond nobody else could break." you spoke mysteriously, putting your elbows on James' shoulders and placing your head on top of his, staring at Sirius. "And now we will secretly plan the end of the world. Muahahah." you joked, standing back up as the others laughed. "See you later Potts." and with that you were gone as the other watched you.

"What... just happened?" Remus started laughing, amazed.

"They made a blood bond." Sirius pointed his finger at you disappearing.

James started laughing. "Maybe now I can ask her about what she does with her hair for you." James got up and winked at Sirius.

"Oh, would you? I really want to know." Sirius stood up and started to walk behind him. "Just... say it's for Lily or something."

James started laughing again, then realising. "Oh, shit!" he turned around, searching for the red-head that was sitting beside him. "She was telling me something when (y/n) appeared. I totally forgot about her."

Sirius started laughing loudly, tapping James' shoulder. "Good luck getting her attention now."

#james potter #james potter x reader #james potter imagines #sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black imagines #sirius black imagine #james potter imagine #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin imagines #remus lupin x reader #marauders #marauders imagine #marauders imagines #marauders x reader #marauders era

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pynkhues · 2 years

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Hey :) I have these headcanons that all of the golden trio had these passions and talents when they were kids that just went completely un-nurtured by their parents. Like, Ken was really into music and singing, Rome was a writer, really creative stuff. But they got kind of pummelled into business by their dad. And Shiv was into politics, loved it, and Logan’s neglect due to her being a girl is what allowed her to run with it into a career. Am I crazy? I guess this is a long way of saying, hey, I headcanon Ken still knows piano but would never dare admit it. What do you think their passions were?

Hey! Oh gosh, that's so cute, anon, I don't think you're crazy at all. I love the way the show touches on these genuine interests for all of them and then how easily they get swallowed, crushed or redirected by their father.

I was actually thinking about something along the same lines the other day with Connor and about how his mother ran the dance charity, and about what that means in terms of him being so encouraging of Willa's playwrighting. I like to think that maybe Connor's experiences and interests were shaped by both parents and are his way of connecting with them. It makes me thinks that his desire to change his mother's charity and move it away from the arts in s1 was about him trying to appeal to his father's nature and reject his mother to appease him, but his connection to his mum sort of spilt out in this way of encouraging Willa's creative work (even if it's bad, haha). Alan's said that he thinks Connor probably tried going to art school for a bit too which I love and kind of like to headcanon as maybe a trauma response after her death too.

As for the golden trio, I spoke a little bit about their hobbies in this post, but I'm especially loving your headcanon about Kendall being able to play the piano! I love the thought too that Shiv can play but doesn't like it at all? The parallels between Kendall and Shiv are some of my favourites on the show, and I love this idea of Caroline and Logan both wanting Shiv to learn how to play because that's what girls do, and her hating it but being forced into lessons for years and years while Kendall desperately wanted to learn but Logan wouldn't ever let him, because to him, it's a bit 'fruity'.

I like politics as a passion for Shiv, but I also like reading, which I talked about in my other post, and I think maybe something like debate? I can see her being in model UN and debate club in highschool before she realised that her dad would never come and see her thrive in either and so she sunk all her energy into horse riding and dressage and showjumping, because at least that was something her dad thought was appropriate (and liked the class connotations of).

And Roman I think is a natural born storyteller from the way that he lies so easily, hahaha. In a lot of ways I think maybe he had more opportunities to explore his passions at boarding school (especially since St Andrew's was no longer a military school when Roman would've gone there, although it was still very outdoorsy) and away from his father's constant influence, but I imagined that would've made the transition back to home during the holidays even harder. All freedoms were probably crushed in ways more brutal than Kendall and Shiv felt, because they never really left their place under their father's thumb, at least not until college. Given the camping and the fishing, and the fact that St. Andrews is such an outdoorsy school, I actually kind of like the thought that Roman likes being outside and that it's one of the things that was squashed?

On paper, it's the sort of 'masculine interest' that would appeal to Logan, but I think Logan has his own issues with that sort of thing because of Ewan, and I can see him projecting anger and the rejection of that onto Roman. I don't know though! What do you guys think?

#now i'm just daydreaming about the four of them going on a camping trip post-s3 #haha #i love these four disasters #roy siblings #connor roy #roman roy #shiv roy #kendall roy #hbo succession #welcome to my ama #succession headcanons

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stxleslyds · 3 years

Text

Red Hood and the lost art of telling Joker to shup up.

Okay, I know that I talked about Jason and Joker in a recent post but this is something different, I promise.

I really want to talk about how different Jason has been written since UtRH when it comes to him confronting Joker. Jason hasn’t been put in that position a lot but the times that he has, he lets Joker talk for far too long and actually pays attention to whatever he has to say.

The Jason vs Joker thing is basic in on itself and letting Joker talk isn’t exactly the problem here, the real problem is Jason letting Joker’s thoughts shape his future thoughts and decisions, I do understand that that’s exactly what writers want though, they want to build the problematic of: “Jason is just like Joker and the fact that he uses the name Red Hood only proves that Joker made who Jason is now”.

But the thing is that THAT problem is overdone at this point and the only time it worked was the first time it was brought up and it worked because Jason shut the Joker down.

Let’s see all the times (that I remember) the Joker and Jason have had a little chat and/or the times Joker’s words actually influence Jason’s thinking and decision making.

Under the Red Hood – Batman (1940) #649

This is the first real confrontation we get to see between Jason and Joker after Jason’s death and it is beautiful. It's absolutely amazingly written, Joker goes on and on forever about how he killed Jason about how Jason is just as bad as him but that he is also just like Batman because he hasn’t killed him yet.

“You let me live after everything I did, you couldn’t pop my balloon. You just couldn’t. The apple doesn’t tumble too far from the paterfamilias. You are just like daddy-kins”

Jason lets him talk, yes. But he absolutely destroys Joker with what he tells him next.

“You couldn’t be more wrong about me. If right were a country on earth you’d be circling on the edge of the milky way. Yeah, I let you live but like always, every damned minute of your addled, posturing, psychopathic life, you think this is about you. You’re a worm. I’ve pitched you on a hook and dropped you into the brine. And I will beat the hell out of you Pagliacci because it was too much fun not to.”

“Listen to me Joker, I’m not you. I´m nothing like you. I know what I do and I know why I do it. You, you are, clinically speaking, a whack-job. But I know a secret, a good one.”

“You are not nearly as crazy as you would like us all to believe or even as crazy as you would like to believe. It just makes it easier to justify every sick monstrous thing you’ve ever done when you play the part of the mad clown. You are crazy, bubba, but you ain’t that crazy. Look at that. I wiped a smile off of Joker’s face. I have been waiting a long time for that.”

Everything about this is perfect, Jason gives Joker no room to mess with him. Whatever the Joker had planned on saying he had to eat because Jason wasn’t playing games and he was ready for any kind of lie the Joker had ready to tell. This is Jason Todd. He won’t let the Joker get under his skin because he knows the Joker and he, also, knows better.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #15

Here Jason comes across Joker during the “Death of the Family” event. In this issue the Joker has information about all of the members of the “Batfamily” and he uses that to mess around with each one of them, in Jason’s case he insinuates that he was present in very specific moments of his life when Jason’s father got shot, when his mother overdosed and when he was on his own before joining Batman.

Jason doesn’t quite believe that Joker was there but as the reader, we can see this sort of sense of doubt in Jason. He hesitates a few times before resolving that the Joker is playing with him.

But as far as this issue goes let’s just say that what the Joker says doesn’t get to Jason, this changes though in the issue that follows up this story.

Teen Titans (2011) #16

This is where that story continues and where Jason starts to buy the story that Joker is selling.

Joker convinces Jason that he has his father and Tim’s father and that the only way for Jason (or Tim) to save their dads is by killing the other (Jason or Tim). Tim doesn’t believe it but Jason is ready to shoot Tim almost immediately.

However, Jason changes his mind about killing Tim just as Tim comes up with a plan for them to not actually have to kill each other. Here is where Lobdell’s writing shows all of its flaws, Lobdell is so desperate to show that Jason and Tim are besties that he forgets that Jason had no reason to stop trying to kill Tim to save his shit father because it is later revealed that Jason truly believed that Joker had found his father and had him captive. It wasn’t until Tim explained his thought process as to why those men weren’t their dads that Jason just goes “you realize, of course, the only reason I didn’t kill you right off is that I knew your big brain will figure out some way out of this” HA, nice save Lobdell but I see right through your bullshit.

Jason bought what the Joker was selling and that is the beginning of Jason’s downgrade when it comes to not playing Joker’s games.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #17

Well, in this issue Lobdell goes back to Jason kinda not believing what Joker told him, and Jason asks Bruce of all people if he thinks the Joker truly “made him or not”. Bruce says that he doesn’t believe that and that he didn’t have anything to do with the man that Jason has become either. For some reason, Jason is actually happy with what Bruce said and for a couple of moments, Jason goes back to being sure that the Joker knows nothing and that he is his own man.

It doesn’t last long though. At the very end of the issue, the trap that Joker had set up in Jason’s helmet triggers and Jason gets his face fucked up with acid or something.

But that’s not all because a hologram of Joker has something to say: “you were supposed to be my masterpiece from start to finish. But you were too stubborn to stay dead. So here is what we are going to do… You’re so determined to be your own man? Fine, let’s start with a clean slate”.

Basically, the Joker insinuates once more that he had something to do with who Jason was supposed to become and that Jason isn’t truly “his own man”, This is all a setup for a very dense storyline that will be continued in this run later.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #18

In this issue, Jason is in a coma after he is dosed with that gas in the previous issue. The Joker isn’t really present in this issue but he does make an appearance as part of Jason’s “nightmare” while he is unconscious.

That’s not all though, Jason has an illusion of Ducra (someone that he appreciates a lot), telling him that “after you left the All-Castle after you went back to the world you continued to let your life be defined by the actions of that man. You became a killer, lashing out at people who may or may not have deserved it. Eventually, you will hurt all those you have cared for. In that way, how are you any different from the Joker?”.

In this statement, there is a lot of wrongs that can come from two places, either bad writing on Lobdell’s part or just Ducra telling lies as a plot point.

“Let your life be defined by the actions of that man” is a sentence that horribly simplifies Jason’s thinking during the events of UtRH, because while he did resent the Joker, his real problem was with Bruce who had not avenged his death by killing the Joker himself. Also, Jason was doing other things back then, like being a pain in the ass for Black Mask and disrupting the drug trade in Gotham as well as trying to control the drug dealing to children. So that little sentence is just a gross misinterpretation of the true events which means that Ducra was wrong, and “she” continues to be wrong when she says that there might be no difference between Jason and Joker.

Luckily Jason thinks the same because he tells “Ducra”: “…don’t you dare compare me to that monster Ducra. I am nothing like the Joker! Nothing!”

Once again please don’t be fooled by Jason’s thinking because in the next issue it turns around really fast and really bad.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #19

Just a heads up this issue has a change of writer, Lobdell isn’t writing this arc, the writer that gives us this hellish story arc is James Tynion IV.

All that talk about Jason not being affected or not believing what the Joker told him is yeeted out of the window and it’s not a fun ride.

In this issue, Roy and Kory find a Jason that doesn’t know who they are or who he, himself, is. This is because S’aru that little floaty little shit took his memories away after Jason asked him to do so, well Jason asked S’aru to erase every memory that darkness has touched (Joker) and he does that. But him doing that is apparently erasing everything which, holy shit, how messed up is that?

But let’s take a look at what Jason says before he gets his memories taken away: “Not only did the Joker almost take my face, but he tells me he might have manipulated my entire life from the beginning! Even the good is tainted by him now. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t have that kind of doubt. If you take it away, I can go on living. I can keep fighting”. So, yeah that was a pretty emo speech. But the thing here is that if Jason is asking this dude to erase every memory that has been tainted by the Joker and he erases all of them then we might be facing one of two situations, either Joker has been messing up with Jason’s life from the beginning or S’aru is just a little bitch.

We will later find out in #20 that S’aru and Ducra planned the whole thing, meaning that they took all of his memories for ulterior motives not because the Joker had actually tainted all of them.

For many issues Jason has no memories and now that I am revisiting these issues, I now remember the twisted and completely insane plot they came up with for the “League of Assassins” and Jason being the “Chosen One”, everything was happening in this run, my god, it's like they wanted Jason to be the center of every single trope in writing history.

It’s in issue #26 that Jason asks for his memories back but the Joker having tainted his memories or not isn’t important anymore to anyone, including the writer (because he is too focused on telling this messy story), Jason (because he has enough problems at the moment) and the reader (because this book makes zero sense and it changes the story and motivations every single issue).

But there is another truth to be revealed in the next issue.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #27

Jason has planned along Ducra and S’aru to give up all of his memories to be cleansed so he could defeat Ra’s Al Ghul. But (there is always a but) Ducra says this: “Your greatest enemy returned and nearly took your face away from you. And in the process, shook your sense of identity to the core” “The final battle here will take place in the Well of Sins, and with all the doubt and fear clouding your mind, it would eat you whole”.

So yeah, now we have confirmation from Ducra that Jason had indeed let what the Joker told him cloud his sense of self and made him doubt who he was and if he really was in control.

All that back and forth for these many issues just to say, yes, Jason let Joker’s words affect him.

So here it is, let Joker get in Jason’s head to build the plot of a story, fantastic, the story was a mess because it had so much information, the mischaracterizations of Roy and Kory were at their maximum potential, and in this particular story arc not only are the events of Red Hood: The Lost Days officially erased from Jason’s canon but something quite out there is added to Jason’s canon from before he was even Robin (that’s a whole different story that I won’t be talking about here).

What an insane ride this arc was. Definitely not the kind of story I enjoy in a Red Hood book but that’s just my preference.

*This whole arc was written by James Tynion IV.

Red Hood/Arsenal #11

Joker is dead during the events of this run but the person who has something to say to Jason about how the Joker made the person that he is now is Duela Dent (“Joker’s daughter”, she isn’t his daughter she just found Joker’s face somewhere and she puts it on and “becomes” crazy, she is an incredibly weird character).

She says this, “You’re a lot like dad in that way” to which Jason says “He is not my father. He’s not even your father” but Duela continues by saying. “You’re kidding yourself if you genuinely believe that. Yeah, he took your life but look what you got in its place, you ingrate. You got your freedom. You were reborn.”

Jason doesn’t fall for it or anything of the sort but once again writers are bringing up the Joker as the maker of the Red Hood and “suggesting” that what Jason has been doing and who he has become is all thanks to Joker. The idea of Jason having no free will is still present in this narrative, even when Jason doesn’t believe it.

Red Hood/Arsenal #12

I talked too soon because in this issue Jason is having some weird thoughts.

“Funny, isn’t it, so easy to call Duela “crazy” because she wears a dead man’s face. Because isn’t that what I’m doing? Before he was the Joker, he was the Red Hood. So maybe the line between men and the Joker’s daughter is a lot thinner than I’d like to admit.”

Here he is comparing himself to Duela and to the Joker to an extent, writers often bring up the fact that Jason uses the code name that his killer once had and they have people or Jason himself questioning why he uses that name.

Personally, I don’t think there is much to build from it (at least not from the perspective of Lost Days and UtRH), it was just a joke, a morbid one if you will. He wears the mantle of the person that destroys Gotham and fills its people with fear while he is trying to control the city’s drug trade and trying to keep the people safe in his own way. And the way he wanted to do it is almost the complete opposite of the way that Batman does things.

I just think that he is being ironic and acidic about the whole thing. He has obviously moved on from the fact that Joker killed him but he has issues with the fact that Batman has yet another child working with him while the Joker is still alive. And Jason really wanted to make Bruce suffer, so him taking the name and a similar appearance to how the joker used to look is also done to get a reaction from Bruce.

I really don’t think there is any sort of connection to make between Jason and Joker beyond that, much like there is no connection between the name Nightwing and the Court of Owls. Even though Lincoln March tried to convince Dick Grayson that he chose the name Nightwing because Owls fly at night and that meant that he was supposed to become a Talon and all that Dick still didn’t believe it because he knew why he chose that name and no one can twist his reason.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016) #10

Finally, I can stop re-reading New 52 books, I don’t enjoy it but I have to do it if I want to talk/complain about stuff.

This one is a little different because while Jason does talk with the Joker, the Joker isn’t really there he is just part of Jason’s imagination just like the Robin Jason that he is also seeing.

In this story, Jason is helping Artemis discover who she is but he gets captured in Qurac, yup that place, and worst of all from where he is being held, he can see the place where he died. All of that is helping Jason have some very vivid memories/illusions. He does actively hold a conversation with the imaginary Joker and Robin Jason though, and he is also having a lot of thoughts that let us know how the Joker affects Jason.

“This is why it was stupid of me to come back to Qurac. Even to help Artemis, even if I thought I could handle it. Physically, I am alone, but in my head? I’m drowning in memories of the worst day of what was my very short life. The day I was murdered.”

That’s what Jason is thinking but what I write next is what Jason’s saying as he talks to the imaginary Joker.

“Not interested in replaying this over again, like I have every night of my life since it happened Joker”

So, we are told that Jason thinks about that day very often, the Joker might not be involved much in Jason’s books but he definitely has a bigger role inside of Jason’s head. They chat for a bit up until Jason decides to “kill” the Joker, he knows, of course, that it is not real but it does give him satisfaction. (If only they would have let Jason actually kill the clown for real, or at the very least chase him just to show the reader that Jason does actually want to finish the job since the Bat won’t do it himself).

Having said all that, Joker’s imaginary death doesn’t last long because Jason is trapped in his mind and the Joker is basically functioning on a loop inside of it.

That is where the problem lies in this issue because Jason is letting us know that he is still heavily influenced by what happened that day and that he hasn’t been able to walk away from it. But once more that’s not the worst thing, because all of these thoughts have led Jason to think that he (in the present and as a fifteen-year-old) is the one to blame for having ended up dead. Yeah, it is messed up.

This is what Jason says to imaginary Robin Jason, “He is never going to die, Jason. Not here. Not in my mind, not if at some point I don’t stand up and walk away from my memories. From you.”

This is a major downgrade, from the Jason that we had in UtRH because that Jason had moved on from the fact that he had been killed what he was looking for was for Batman to avenge his death. He had other things in mind as well, like I said before in this post Jason had a lot of things going on, killing Joker wasn’t his only plan.

And this situation (written by Lobdell) is also very different from what was going on in New 52 where Jason being influenced by the Joker was used to build a plot. This is just a writer letting us know that this “new version” of Jason hasn’t worked out his problems when it comes to his death and his killer. That means that we are going backward.

After he realizes that he was unconscious all that time and that he was being tortured he does get his shit together in order to get out of captivity and go help Artemis.

The Joker and that whole thing that happened in his mind aren’t mentioned again, it was just for the reader to know that Rebirth Jason has unsolved issues with his death.

Batman: Three Jokers #1

Oh yes, here we are, we have arrived to that dreaded book, awful writing gorgeous art. In this book, the “Joker made Jason as he is now” trope is at its full potential; Johns drives this hellish truck of a book at full speed into our homes and then ends it by giving us one of the worst takes on Jason Todd’s characterization ever.

But first, let’s talk about the Joker and Jason interaction in the first issue. As Jason and Barbara are left alone with the Joker that they came across moments ago the Joker begins talking because that’s what he does.

He says this, “I’m the loop-de-loop, the hamster-wheel-of-doom. The cycle of pain each one of you is trapped in. Take “Red Hood” here, for example. Have you ever wondered why he uses my former moniker? Who in their right mind would take on the identity of their killer? Am I right?”

He is obviously being a little shit on purpose and is waiting to see if somebody will take the bait. Jason is the first to talk and he says this: “I took it because I’m owning what you did to me. You made me into this. I will be your destruction”.

Congratulations Jason, you took the bait, and now Barbara will fight with you over it.

Jason raises his gun to “break the cycle” and Barbara is like “please don’t do it” and boy is Joker having the time of his life! Both of these idiots are playing his game, Johns really did both Jason and Barbara dirty with this.

Here is where THE problem with letting the Joker talk is. This Joker got under Jason’s skin in seconds and Barbara did nothing while it happened.

This is what the Joker had to say. “Let’s look at the facts here bat-people. I bashed this boy’s skull in. I killed this Robin” to which Jason says “You didn’t kill me, you only made me stronger” which is weird because the Joker did kill him so I don’t know what kinda comeback that was supposed to be but Joker wasn’t done because he continues by saying “Yes, you crawled from the shallow grave I left you in. You lived on to fight another day. Hurrah! You survived because of your tenacity! Or maybe… maybe I beat you to a bloody mess… I took you right to the edge… because I wanted to leave you alive.”

Great that’s where the clown is going, just fantastic, more of the “I made you” but that’s not all because the Joker tells Jason that him having hurt Jason wasn’t because he didn’t like Jason, it was all about Batman, Jason doesn’t matter.

But that’s not the worse thing that was written in this awful book, Geoff Johns seems to have felt that the trauma that Jason went through in the original “Death in the Family” story wasn’t enough because he decided to add something new.

That’s why the Joker says this next, “Do you recall what you said to me while I was breaking your head in with that crowbar? As your blood streamed into your eyes and your skull cracked? Because I cherish those words. I’ll always cherish them. ‘Please stop! Please! If you let me live, I’ll do anything you say. I’ll be your Robin’” “And look at you now my little “Red Hood” shooting up people and making Batman’s life miserable! You are my Robin!”

What a nightmare Johns decided to put Jason and Jason Nation through huh? I hate this, this is the worst thing that has ever been written in a Jason Todd story (although I can say that about many things that were written in this three-issue book).

Jason kills the Joker after he says all that, Barbara does (for some reason) try to stop him from doing it but luckily, she can’t stop Jason.

But here is the thing, Jason killing the Joker doesn’t make me feel as satisfied as I would have liked, and it doesn’t feel that way because Jason let Joker talk for far too long and what Joker said ended up getting in Jason’s head and messing with him.

Batman: Three Jokers #2

Yeah, there is no rest for us, Jason Nation, in this issue Jason goes looking for another Joker to kill and he finds one but he gets captured. Johns really had to get Jason naked for Joker to torture him mentally and physically? Johns is, himself, a major red flag but that’s not what I am here to talk about.

In this issue the Joker that captures Jason has the same things to say as the other one, DC writers really have no imagination when it comes to building conflict between Joker and Jason, huh?

Anyway, Joker says this, “tell me something. Why would you put on that helmet and call yourself Red Hood after what we did?” Jason of course replies “Come on, is every one of you copycats gonna ask me the same thing? It’s a joke” the answer isn’t enough for Joker (the two of them that are here with Jason) so he continues talking. “A joke? We left you with brain damage and permanent nerve pain. Physical and emotional trauma so severe that the only relief you ever find is when you inflict pain on others. You and me, boy, we’re more alike than you’d care to admit. But you know that already. You nearly died and you blame the Batman. You hate him for it. Me too. You hate him most of all don’t you?”

Now, here is the thing, that whole thing is bullshit, none of it makes sense. From Jason having permanent nerve pain to Jason hating Batman the most, everything is a lie. And my confusion here is that I don’t know if I have to feel like Joker is doing it on purpose to be a little bitch or if Geoff Johns was on crack when he wrote this and he had actually never heard of Jason Todd in his life before.

The whole thing is a mess, it feels like he is writing Jason from an origin and story that we never read. I don’t know how to explain it, but the whole thing feels cheap, it’s a cheap trope and it’s a cheap take on who Jason Todd is, was, and will be.

The nightmare doesn’t end Jason Nation because these two Jokers have something else in mind, you see, if they said that they made the Red Hood when they killed Jason the first time, maybe if they kill him this time then he could possibly come back as the Joker. Yeah, this book did nothing for Jason.

Let’s make something clear, Jason does NOT hate Batman/Bruce for not being able to save him, he hates the fact that Batman/Bruce didn’t kill the Joker to avenge him. That simple thing doesn’t exist in Three Jokers and that’s why things like the ones that happen next are allowed to happen in this story.

Bruce and Barbara find Jason and when Bruce asks if he is okay Jason just goes berserk, he says: “Am I all right? What do you think Bruce?! You did this to me. You put me on this path. And I do hate you for it. For leaving me in the dirt. Replacing me one Robin after another without a thought.”

This, everybody is what you get when you mix bad writing with Jason being mentally manipulated by the Joker.

It's a shame that Jason is being treated this way at this point in time, in a book that came out in 2020 when Jason was able to shut the clown up with a knife and a couple of words back in 2005. What a downgrade.

At the end of this issue, Jason is safe and recovering but he still is in the same mindset, he says, “What the Joker said about how I’ve been on the path to being like them for years… they are not wrong. I don’t want to be like them though. I really don’t.”

It’s like a never-ending wheel of pain with this book. Jason is talking to Barbara when he says that and he is trying to look for comfort in her. And here is where the Jason/Barbara subplot begins and I only bring this up because something that happens in the next issue is based on the kiss that Barbara gave Jason but then was like “that doesn’t mean anything, I was just trying to comfort you”. Johns shouldn’t be allowed to write Barbara and Jason ever again.

Batman: Three Jokers #3

It’s in this issue that we find out the big subplot that Johns has prepared for Jason, are you ready for it? Yup, Jason should stop being the Red Hood because if he keeps it up, he will eventually become the Joker.

I know, I know! Jason would never stop being Red Hood, he is not on a path to become the Joker, that’s crazy! Jason’s Red Hood is a character on its own and he is amazing and just because he has different morals from Batman doesn’t mean that he is a bad guy! Right?...

“I’ll give up being Red Hood for us. I can be something else. Or I can be just Jason.”

To this day I cannot believe that those words supposedly were written by Jason Todd to Barbara Gordon after Barbara rejected him three times. The level of “what the fuck is this” is incredibly high with this one…

This whole book was a mess and I am so glad that it didn’t last longer.

Anyway, that’s it. In conclusion, Jason didn’t let the Joker get under his skin the first time they interacted after he came back from the dead but later when DC decided that UtRH was just too good of a book they came up with stories where Joker does get under Jason’s skin and Jason becomes convinced that he has no free will (or at the very least he doubts his free will) when it comes to him becoming his own man.

As I have said before, that for Jason Todd is a major downgrade. And it's one of the many things that hurts Jason’s characterization in current comics.

#jason todd #Jason Todd #red hood #Red Hood #red hood and the outlaws #red hood outlaw #three jokers #batman under the red hood #dc comics

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