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myriad-miscellaneous · 10 months

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vignette dump

i’ve got all these brain worms that i want to share but will probably never be finished own full-fledged stories. the first one of these is already at 3.2k words and it doesnt feel remotely finished omg

i'm never going to get past my mental hurdle to actually write smut, am i?

"If a demon can achieve godhood like you, then tell me," he growls. "Is there a chance that, demon and monster that I am, could I be like you? Can I find purification in the wake of your vaunted flames, Professor? Will I find salvation if I were to follow your lead — as I so blindly did a lifetime before?"

A sliver of his heart still capable of hope prays that her cold, soft-spoken voice tells him that he can, that he is deserving, that all his sins could be forgiven and swept away as easily as the clouds before the breeze. But, as always, his prayer is a useless gesture — a testament to his ineptitude that he dares to hope at all. She does not tell him any of those things. She does not tell him anything at all at first, meeting his plea with only silence.

"...Dimitri," she says finally, as if that is her answer, and he bites his tongue to stop himself from shouting that the fool who once went by that name is dead.

Her sea green hair rustles with a sad shake of her head, and she crouches down to meet him, searching for a gaze that turns fearfully away from hers. "I am neither, Dimitri," she whispers, and the sound is too loud, nearly deafening against the vast emptiness of the cathedral. Hearing her voice rattles him like thunder, shakes him like a Thoron cast through his racing heart.

"I am and I have only ever been human," Byleth tells the walls behind him, averting her eyes to avoid spooking him any further. "I was your professor for a time, but now not even that. Now, I suppose, I am no one at all…"

"Ha!" he barks. "Do you claim to be a ghost, then? Do not be so delusional, Professor." He spits the title like a swear, the title that he used to exclaim with such joy, such excitement, such — don't-say-it-don't-fucking-say-it-you-wretch — love — fuck — once upon a time. His voice grows harder, harsher, from his self-directed fury. "As long as that heart of yours beats, pumps blood within your whole, hale skin and bone, you cannot contend to be one of the many spectres that haunt me. You have said the same yourself."

"Then take it."

He lifts his aching head to behold the piercing glow of green in her eyes, searing with hurt and something that does not look like wrath, which would be what he rightfully deserves. Behind her beautiful, haunting visage is a blend of resignation and determination, and it bores into his soul more powerfully than even the memory of her bewitching smile.

He is mesmerized all over again when she pledges herself, heart, body, and soul to him, as if he is the god and she, the believer.

"If you need a heart, Dimitri, then I will give you my heart," she says. "If you need a sword, then I will be your sword. And when you need someone to show you the way, then I will become that person to guide you back. Ghosts and gods should not dictate the paths of the living."

And he laughs, oh, how he laughs, cackling like the madman that he is — not from the sheer blasphemy of her words, though she would likely be put to the stake had she told anyone actually devout, but from the idiotic notion that she believes he deserves her help or anything at all. He is a man steeped in sin.

…He is a man steeped in sin, he realizes, and the flash of greed that flickers to life in his mind seems like a mere speck against his mountains of misdeeds.

"If—" And he stumbles over the words; he's indignant, outraged, in disbelief at what he's about to say, but that is Dimitri feeling all of those human foibles, and he is a savage beast.

"I-if your words ring true, then kneel. Offer your body to your king."

She leaves him.

That is — she should be leaving him; that's what she's supposed to do, but, oh goddess, she's not; she's staying; she's kneeling, and what in the eternal flames was he expecting when he explicitly ordered her to do that?

He curses himself, but the thought is drowned in the cacophony of screeches from his dearly departed. His step-mother hangs her head in despair, even as it hangs by a flap of skin to her neck. His father is all outrage, assaulting him with a flurry of questions: What do you think you're doing? Will doing this bring you any closer to our murderer's head? How could I raise this as my son?

Glenn clicks his tongue in disgust and doesn't even face him. I can't believe that I died just for you to get your dick wet.

Glenn's comment stings most of all, and Dimitri prepares himself to send her away — tell her that it was just a tasteless joke, just like his joking not-joke at the Goddess tower.

But then Byleth, obeying the spirit of his law but not the letter of it, begins to strip, and the words disappear with all his ability to think.

Bits of metal clang against the stone floor, and he swears that he can hear the goddess laughing cruelly at him through the echoes. Illuminated in the moonlight pouring down from the broken rooftop, her vessel looks every inch divine, soft curves and sinuous muscle, and he is helpless, pathetic, weak. He is a mortal, a man, and (he tells himself that) instinct possesses him the moment that she casts off her shirt. With only inches in between them, the hem of her clothing grazes against his gauntlet.

The new archbishop had brushed away the dust coating the headstone, plopped her bum onto the grass, and spoken aloud to the frigid air. In hindsight, a living confidant might have been better, but sharing the news with her parents first just seemed right.

So she told them, or what she had left of them, about the proposal. About how her betrothed made her really, truly, happy, despite having every possible reason to languish in abject misery for eternity. About how he was the same, charming man who originally taught her what happiness was supposed to look and was supposed to feel like, a short lifetime ago. And about how he was to be crowned king of the United Kingdom of Fodlan in just a few hours' time.

And only after she finished her impromptu briefing — for just a fleeting moment — Byleth had heard her father's gravelly chuckle, stretching all the way down from his space in the heavens.

It is a preposterous thought, to be fair. Jeralt would've laughed and laughed and then drank himself into a stupor to cope once he realized that she was serious.

After all, the lifelong mercenary Byleth Eisner AKA the life-shortening Ashen Demon doesn't know a damn thing about nobles and noble etiquette, much less royal etiquette. The daughter of the Blade Breaker grew up using knives as forks and her hands as spoons and only bothered learning otherwise after a scandalized Lorenz blockaded the door to her quarters with etiquette textbooks.

Reading his disciplinary book report had been more punishment for her than it had been for him, come to think of it.

"Well, what are you waiting for, my king?" his beloved asked, cupping her breasts in a way that just barely — inadequately — protected her modesty. "Come and conquer me."

Dimitri awoke with a start, falling off his bed in his panic. "Professor!"

Sylvain awoke to the sound of a violent thump.

"It's not just revenge that I'm fighting for, Dimitri. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I choose to fight for what I believe in."

He scoffs. "And what might that be?"

Her lips quirk in what resembles a rueful smile, but it can't be counted as a smile — not with the crushing, despondent pain that wells up behind her eyes. "It's for a wish that I made long ago. Our wish."

He hasn't the patience for these games of vague words and masked intentions, but perhaps once upon a time he did, when he was still playing prince atop a stage of pretty words and ugly ambition.

"It's clear that you don't remember," she says, too quickly. "Maybe another time, then."

"I fight to create a world where no one will be unjustly taken from us again. That is my wish — to see yours brought to life."

"Even if you didn't remember it anymore; even if you didn't believe in it anymore — this has been the path that I've chosen for myself, Dimitri."

#dimileth #fe3h #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #dimitri x byleth #byleth fire emblem #fire emblem: three houses

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dyketubbo · 3 years

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sometimes i think about how the l'manburgians lost their homes and how they never really were able to make new ones

and how when niki and tubbo tried to make new homes they made sanctuaries for others because they dont know how to live without community and how niki had to find old friends and find somewhere else because even her new friends didnt feel like friends, not in the same way as her old friends (not in the same way as lmanburg) and how she holds onto resentment and plays the blame game because because she doesnt know how to cope otherwise and how she desperately wants to get better but keeps getting set back and so she keeps retreating and lashing out at the same time because she doesnt know how to deal with feeling broken without breaking others apart in her mind (and she doesnt know how to cope with the fact that maybe what broke her was them breaking first, doesnt know how to cope with how her regrets and best memories come from the same place she hates and loves all at the same time)

and how fundy exploded his own house in an attempt to get rid of the nightmares that plagued him (and how it didnt work) and desperately retreated elsewhere and desperately tried to fit into a new community because he wants (needs) to be loved and seen even if he has to change himself for it to happen (even if it means going against his instincts, even if it means accepting a false image so he doesnt have to think about the truth)

and how tommy has the same house he always did and how its the same house that gets destroyed all the time and rebuilt every time and how hes changed and changed and changed and yet hes the same kid that gave away his life and discs and gave dream power over him in exchange for a home (if all a ships parts are replaced, is it still the same ship?)

and how wilbur simply moves in with his dad because he has nowhere else to go (and he doesnt want to be alone) and how he desperately wants to be forgiven and how he fumbles through life and pretends its all intentional because he just wants to bask in being alive at all and how he grasps at any signs of being treated as a person because he really doesnt feel like one (he hasnt felt like one in a long long time and every time he looks at the growing forest outside he feels the urge to start a campfire and strum his guitar and every time he tampers it down because phil and ranboo wouldnt understand and everyone hed want to sing with has good reason not to want to sing with him)

and how jack isolates himself over and over again because if hes going to be forgotten he may as well have it be on purpose and hes been alone for so long he doesnt remember how to reach out, he had glimpses of a home and a family and friends and before he knew it it all got taken away before he could truly appreciate it all and now everyone looks so different, now everyone is different, and hes no exception but his own face feels unfamiliar and he hates himself so he hates everyone else too (or at the very least he tries to convince himself he does because underneath all the anger is just a sad, broken man, and hes not sure he can manage to put himself back together, and he thinks if he reaches out he might just break even more)

and how tubbo has a picturesque community he built himself (except its not really a community if everyone keeps leaving) and a husband and a son and friends he cares about that care about him too but his son is the only one that always stays (and sometimes tubbo tells himself even if michael didnt have to he would choose to stay anyways, and he tries to ignore the gut feeling to call himself a liar) and tubbos not sure what to do in a ghost town except spiral and he makes new projects over and over and builds walls and wears netherite and makes nukes because he wants to be safe, needs to be safe, and regardless he doesnt know what to do with himself if hes not creating and everything of his gets blown up so he might as well see whats so appealing and he sings the anthem and mourns at the crater and throws himself into the next opportunity to have a new community because he doesnt know what to do with himself when himself is all he has (and he thinks pieces of himself blew up with lmanburg and he thinks when lmanburg lost its last life he may as well have lost his too and hes not sure how to tell people they love the idea of a boy that died a long time ago because he doesnt know how to admit that he feels like hes haunting his own body)

and how eret has to deal with knowing she was the first domino to fall and how shes still trying to get better every day but how do you make up for being the first to make everyone break (how do you deal with being the first to break?) and they try to keep memories alive ugly details and all and he wants to love and be loved even when everythings so messed up and he wants to help and be there even if xe may never be able to be shake off the title of the first traitor (even if xe wish they were known for being one of the founders of the country that had been so dearly loved, known for having been dearly loved themself)

none of them ever truly moved on, theyre all still grieving, and they arent even doing it together. they always fought, but they used to be fighting together, and now theyre not together, left to fight whatever they can because they dont know what else to do with themselves.

i hope they all find home again. i hope they all find each other again, even if they wont be the same people they were when they first found home in each other.

#this isnt meant to be like. truly poetic or even solid analysis on any of their characters or ways of mourning #im just rambling bc lmanburg makes me sad #l'manburg #dsmp #mask mews #long post #niki nihachu #fundy #wilbur #jack manifold #tubbo #tommy #eret #i didnt mean for tommys to be so short lol. oh well. kids simple (affectionate)#amaryllis analyzes

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utenaposter · 3 years

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what do you think everyone (including Kozue and Shiori, they deserve some love) would be up to when they leave Othori? (love hearing your utena thoughts btw ^^)

im so glad u like hearing my thoughts i love receiving ur asks ;u;;!!!

anyways!

utena and anthy find each other after a few months, they cry and talk for an hour when they meet. they get a small apartment on the first floor and fill it with plants and flowers, a single rose blooms near a window, utena adds her own near it. anthy tries to get better at cooking but the only thing she learns how to make is pancakes, utena asks for them every day. anthy paints. she paints her dreams and memories, theres always a teacup in her paintings, or a stopwatch, or a bird, or an apple, or a car, never a rose. utena tends to the plants more than anthy does, she struggles at first but adjusts quickly and she likes seeing them grow new leaves or bloom. she becomes a photographer and takes pictures of every new thing she sees, though she takes more pictures of her and anthy than anything else. sometimes she practices swordfighting with chuchu, she buys him his own little sword, he wins every time.

nanami leaves ohtori first. she finds it hard to adjust to the outside world and has to go back to school (not ohtori). she realizes she loves learning and wonders why she ever had tsuwabuki doing everything for her. she goes on to become an architect and designs clothes in her free time. she never builds towers. when tsuwabuki leaves he studies architecture too at first, but nanami pushes him to do what he actually wants. he becomes a biologist, the cow is his favourite animal.

juri would keep fencing or maybe give fencing classes, she would live with shiori and theyd go birdwatching a lot, maybe have a few birds of their own, still feeling guilty for the bird that crashed into the window at ohtori. juri would never want a wedding but shiori pushes her into it. they invite everyone. touga doesnt come. juri gives her locket to shiori at the end of her vows, telling her that she doesnt need it anymore, shiori is right there infront of her and the pictures in her mind are always prettier than the one in the locket.

miki would probably go to juris fencing lessons, maybe help her out a bit, but i dont think he would continue playing piano professionally, maybe as a hobby or just at parties. kozue would get back into piano though, she'd go to mikis house on lazy afternoons and he would help her out with the parts she just cant get right. maybe theyd play concerts for their old friends. they never play the sunlit garden again.

saionji would pick up a lot of hobbies and drop most of them, hopping from one to the other. the ones he'd stick to most would be carving and painting, calming hobbies. he'd live alone in a house in the countryside, only sometimes going into the city to visit the others, but never staying too long for fear of overstaying his welcome. he'd raise chickens and grow vegetables in his backyard, maybe sometimes he would practice kendo, but it leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

wakaba and tatsuya (the onion prince) get closer after getting out, they become good friends and visit utena and the others together, no one ever seems to remember his name. in her free time she becomes an author, shes not too popular but she doesnt mind. she writes for herself and sends all her books to utena and anthy for free even though anthy insists on buying the copies herself. wakaba goes to visit them almost every day, she helps them out with cooking and pulls them out of the house to go sightseeing and on picnics. she still doesnt understand why utena chose anthy over her, but she accepts it now.

touga gets out last. he lives on his own in the middle of a busy city so that nobody will ever recognize him. he finally cuts his hair and cries when he sees the strands in the sink. he bleaches it. sometimes he sees the others walking around but never says hi, he doesnt think he deserves to. one time he bumps into juri at the park and she tells him he looks familiar, he doesnt respond, just walks past. when she invites him to her wedding he comes but stands outside the venue and never goes inside. no one would want to see him. he and nanami exchange letters but he never goes to see her, he doesnt know if shes forgiven him. he becomes a foster parent to lots of kids and tries his best, he never wants what happened to him to happen to them. he adopts a green haired boy.

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teatitty · 3 years

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I said that I was going to talk about Deirdre so lets talk about Deirdre, Ireland’s most famous tragic herione, whose epithet is literally “Deirdre Of The Sorrows.” Warnings for general Conchobar creepiness and a suicide at the end

Dating back to the Ulster Cycle, Deirdre was born to Felimidh Mac Dall, a chieftain and bard of the Ulaidh, during the reign of Conchobar (this will go well...). As a child she was very beautiful and the druid Cathbad prophesized that this beauty would only grow as she aged, until she became the most beautiful woman in Ireland. Unfortunately she would also bring war and tragedy, because that’s always how these stories go

When this news reached Conchobar’s capital, Emain Mach, his royal knights (The Red Branch) decided that, to spare Ireland of this misery, they would take the young child and kill her. Conchobar, however, ordered her to be put into the care of the poetess Leabharcham, so that when she was of age he himself would marry her (yeah haha it doesnt get better from here)

One year during winter, Deirdre, walking alone, comes across a raven eating a dead lamb. Horrified by this sight, she declares that she would only let love into her heart for a man whose hair was as black as the Raven’s wings and whose lips were red as the sheeps blood. (Very gothic of her)

When she was nearing the age of maidenhood she spotted a man approaching Emain Macha, who had raven black hair and blood red lips. She finds that his name is Naoise, and he is the son of Usna and Ebhla, the daughter of Cathbad. She asks Leabharcham to help her meet him, as he is her love, and the poetess agrees. Naoise falls instantly in love with her, but, aware of what will happen should Conchobar discover their relationship, he confides in his two younger brothers, Ainlé and Ardán, and they help him and Deirdre escape from Emain Macha to Alba (Scotland) where they find safety in Glen Etive

This...does not last. Conchobar very quickly finds out and his anger and jealousy grows fiercer every day. His spies discover that they are holed up under the protection of a Caledonian King and so legally Conchobar can do nothing to them. This, however, does not stop him. He comes up with a plan to lure them back to Ireland and sends Fergus mac Roich, (who was the “purest of heart” at the time) to Scotland to relay a message to them that he had forgiven them and wished them only happiness

(He also wanted Ainlé and Ardán back with his Knights cuz they were too valuable to lose)

Fergus takes his two sons with him and they ride off. He relays the message but Deirdre still doesn’t trust it. It is only because of Fergus’ stellar reputation that she agrees to return (yikes). Upon their return they are greeted with a huge feast and stated to meet with Conchobar by morning. Deirdre naturally doesn’t like this but Fergus assures her that Conchobar would never dishonour his own words (yeah do you see how he managed to keep a good rep yet?)

In the morning everyone gathers around the exiles in the forecourt. All except Fergus who had conveniently been sent off on an errand by Conchobar beforehand. Conchobar appears on the balcony, orders his knights to seize Deirdre but kill the rest and TLDR to this whole scene: Naoise dies by the hand of Eoghain and one of Fergus’ sons, Buinne, surrenders, but the other, Illán Fionn, refuses to dishonour himself and keeps fighting until death

Cathbad calls Conchobar out for his treachery, Deirdre collapses from sorrow and despair at Naoise’s death and when Fergus returns to see the butchery he swears vengeance and disowns Buinne and this is how he ends up at Connacht with Medb! It’s all coming together

Conchobar then has Deirdre taken to his quarters, but she refuses to speak to him and after a year of silence he becomes bored and his lust for her turns cold, whereupon he has her bound by hand and feet and thrown into a chariot. She is then given as a reward to Eoghain, the man she hates most after Conchobar himself. On the way to Eoghain, however, she manages to throw herself from the chariot and smash her brains out upon a rock, killing herself instantly. She is then buried next to her lover Naoise and from their graves two trees grew in a tight embrace

#mythology #wasnt kidding when i said it was tragedy!#also in some versions conchobar forces himself on her repeatedly during that year of silence #which would surprise none of you probably but. yeah

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honeypirate · 3 years

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Easy Living part two

Part one

Obi Akitaru x Fem!reader

Obi Akitaru falls in love with the girl at the rock show

Also ducks survived the cataclysm

Song one

Song two

Song three

Song four

Song five alternate version

Obi didn't see you outside of the office where you were doing paperwork. He thought you were avoiding him but you interacted with him during office hours so he couldn't really convince himself at first. You had said you were too tired to eat with everyone and just wanted to rest, which is how you got out of family dinners and could sneak in and eat after everyone leaves.

After a week and a half of this, he plans to find you and talk to you. Oh how he missed your jokes and your presence. You get back from your physical therapy and he meets you at the door “come with me” he says and takes your good hand “we’re going out”

You get ice cream, and just walk the town for a while. You figured he would want to talk soon but to be honest you havent quite dealt with your feelings yet. You didnt know what to say. Hey sorry Captain I’ve been avoiding you a little so i could squash all the romantic feelings i have for you since you only want to be best friends. No hard feelings? Also I feel like a failure because Im useless right now?

No. You couldn’t be that honest, but you would be honest enough

He stops by a bench next to the trees that have started to bloom in the warm spring air. You sit beside him, a little farther than usual and he sighs “talk to me. Please” he says softly and you swallow “about what?” you ask, your voice a little shaky and nervous. “y/n” he sighs “okay, i’ll just ask. Why have you been avoiding me after we had tea?” he leans his elbows down on his thighs and looks over at you.

You swallow hard and look down at your toes, giving your ice cream cone you were nursing a lick to buy some time.

“Obi, i’ve just been really tired. It wasn’t you. I promise. As you said, we are best friends forever. Please dont think im avoiding you i promise im not really. It’s just so hard to not use my arm, i cant do my job like i need, i feel like im useless. And youre my Captain! i dont want to be less than you deserve as a team member”

He brushes your hair back behind your ear and you gasp, looking from your toes into his eyes. “I’m your friend first remember? And so here I am, asking you as a friend, please dont think you have to avoid me. I dont think less of you because youre injured, youre not broken or ruined, youre just hurt. And you’re perfect the way that you are at any moment so dont even start with thinking you’re less than anyone. Youre incredibly strong and smart always. Let me be there for you. Right now as a man and not as your captain. Okay?” you feel your heart rate beat erratically in your chest and you kick yourself form coming along. Those perfect things he said to you from the perspective of a f r i e n d. God you loved him so much it hurt. Hurt because he doesnt love you back. More than a best friend anyway.

You do your best to go back to normal, you talk to him more, forcing yourself to attend dinners and joke like normal, ignorning the growing cracks in your heart.

A few weeks later, after a mission you werent allowed to go on, Obi announces a celebration “Since we just had a successful huge mission, we will be celebrating and inviting the companies we have friends in. so the 5th, 7th, and 2nd, will all be attending.” you dont deny that youre excited. You love celebrations because it meant the best barbeque plus you cant wait to talk to Hibana and Konro.

That night after your physio you talk to Maki and Vulcan, planning to take care of the entertainment for the night. Vulcan on the drums, Maki on the electric guitar, and you on vocals. You spent the next few days preparing and getting all the music sheets for them from songs you all put together. A list of 8 songs that everyone would enjoy, or so you hoped.

Your arm didn’t have to be in a sling anymore, it was healed but the muscles were tight and the scar tissue hurt. you had to work through that but your physical therapist said you would work that slowly and it would be almost 100% again.

When the day arrived for the celebration you felt nervous as hell. “Are you excited to do this?!” Vulcan says and pats your good shoulder and you laugh “I’m nervous and excited” Maki squeals as she does a sound check on her guitar “this is going to be so cool!”

When you guys move out to the stage, you get everyone’s attention by tapping the mic, a squeal going through the speakers before Viktor adjusts some settings on the computer.

“Hey guys. We put together a little entertainment for you all. Hope you enjoy it” you look around at everyone as they make their way over to the stage. Obi’s eyes were wide and he was grinning ear to ear, you didn’t tell many about this so it could be a surprise and you knew that was a good choice with the look in his eyes. He made his was to front of the crowd, whistling loudly as Maki began to strum.

Vulcan hits the drums as you begin to sing

“Scar tissue that I wish you saw

Sarcastic mister know-it-all

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you 'cause

With the birds I’ll share” after the first verse your eyes flick down to Obi and he has the biggest smile you’ve seen. It makes your heart flutter as you wink at him as you sing the chorus

“With the birds I'll share this lonely viewin'

With the birds I'll share this lonely viewin'”

The end of the first song everyone cheers loud and you feel proud as you laugh with the excitement and atmosphere. Obi is your loudest cheerleader.

Vulcan leaves the drums to stand by the keyboard for the next song as Maki plays the chords.

“You belong among the wildflowers

You belong in a boat out at sea

Sail away, kill off the hours

You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, find you a lover

Go away somewhere all bright and new” your eyes flick down to Obi and you smile softly

“ I have seen no other

Who compares with you”

Some people hold up lighters and those with fire abilities hold some fire up and sway side to side, the atmosphere is light and easy, a moment where no one is thinking about infernals and government problems.

You sang the four softer songs Maki chose first before taking a water break then going back on stage to finish strong with four songs you were excited about since you knew they were some of your and Obi’s favorites.

You look down at Obi when the music starts and the recognition in his eyes makes you grin. You know most people in your company know this song because of Obi. “You show us everything you've got

You keep on dancin' and the room gets hot

You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy

You say you wanna go for a spin

The party's just begun, we'll let you in

You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy

You keep on shoutin', you keep on shoutin'”

You feel your body feel with pride when the crowd sings the chorus and you realize more people know those song then you thought

“I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day x4”

The cheering at the end of this song makes you laugh before you take another drink of water and move on to the next few songs until you end with the last two you were excited about.

“Okay everyone. Two left” you smile at the boos that are scattered “ We’re glad you liked this show and hope you had fun here. There’s extra food so if you’re hungry make sure you fill up” You wink at Obi again as you begin to sing the song as he whistles loudly when the guitar begins, throwing his fists in the air doing his devil horns.

“This is a thing I've never known before

It's called easy livin'

This is a place I've never seen before

And I've been forgiven

Easy livin' and I've been forgiven

Since you've taken your place in my heart”

This one was one of your favorites and you got into it dancing around on the stage. When it ends you laugh and smile as they cheer. “Okay guys. I dedicate this last song to the companies here tonight thank you all for making this not a complete failure. I was nervous but now.. this has been a dream come true of mine honestly. Anyway. For you” you look down at Obi and he nods and then whistles again when he recognizes the song

“A company always on the run

A destiny, oh it's the rising sun” the crowd cheers and you get goosebumps

“I was born, a shotgun in my hands

Behind the gun

I'll make my final stand, yeah

That's why they call me” you look down at Obi and he sings with you

“Bad company

I can't deny

Bad, bad company

'Til the day I die

Until the day I die”

Your voice fades out and Vulcan and Maki finish their notes and the crowd goes nuts. You bring Vulcan and Maki up and you hold hands and bow before waving and exiting the stage.

A few pats on the back and many people telling you how great that was was a little overwhelming and Obi could tell. He pushes through the crowd and takes your hand “gotta borrow this rock star for a moment excuse us please” he says and takes you with him behind the stage where he could let you take a breather.

“Looked a little overwhelmed with the loving crowd” he says and leans against the side of the wall behind the stage. “Just a bit. Thank you Obi” he hasn’t stopped smiling and his eyes are filled with stars for you. “I didn’t know you could sing Little Duck” he says and you chuckle “there’s a lot you don’t know about me Obi” you say with a smirk and drink of your water bottle. “And I love discovering new things about you.” he says softly and you feel your cheeks flush under his soft gaze “is that right?” You ask in a flirty tone and you cock your head with a smile. “Yes. It is” he says and you stare into each other’s eyes for a moment, soft smiles and a warm feeling growing in your bones.

“Hey y/n I brought you some food since we missed out” Vulcan says and hands you a plate “you’re a lifesaver Vulcan thank you!” You say and take it with a grin. Obi kicks himself for not thinking of that and scowls at the weird jealousy he feels spike in his heart at the way you smiled at Vulcan. He shakes his head and excuses himself to go talk to Hinawa.

“That was weird” Vulcan says and you raise an eyebrow in question, mouthful but he understood you “he looked at me like I just flirted with his girl. How weird is that?” You laugh and your cheeks dust slightly pink “I’m sure there was something else on his mind, we’re just friends” you say and take another bite of your barbecue, moaning a little about how delicious it is. Vulcan just shrugs “that was really amazing. Great idea y/n! It was so fun. If you ever wanna jam again I’m down” you smile and nod “I’ll take you up on that sometime”

“Are you sure you don’t have feelings for her?” Hinawa says, acting like it’s annoying him that he has to have this conversation to hide the fact he finds it entertaining that his Captain is so blind. “She’s been my best friend for so long. Wouldn’t I have had feelings for her before today?” Hinawa sighs “are you sure you haven’t?” Obi feels like his mind expands as he connects the dots. “Well damn” Obi says with a slight smile teasing the corners of his mouth and Hinawa shakes his head.

After that night you didn’t see Obi outside of work for a week. It was weird. Like the tables have turned and now you don’t know why he’s avoiding you. He calls you into your office and you feel a little worried.

“You wanted to see me sir?” You said as stood at attention in front of his desk. Outside of this room you felt like he was your Obi but every time he calls you into his office you feel completely different. The atmosphere he held in that room for you, powerful and commanding, you were intimidated and slightly turned on but you never would allow yourself to think of that.

“I wanted to check in on how your therapy is going” he says, his face was stoic and level, but you see there’s something in his eye, something has changed. “It’s going well Sir” you raise your arm and show your limited range of motion “she says I’ll be back to good and cleared for duty soon, since I’m well enough now to have more frequent appointments.” he nods and makes a note on his small pad of paper. “Are your ignition abilities okay? Do you need training there?” You shake your head “no Sir. My abilities haven’t been effected” he nods once and then smiles, a soft smile that shows way more emotion from him than your used to “that’s all. I’m glad you’re doing well. Dismissed” “thank you Sir” you salute and then turn and leave, feeling extremely confused at the emotion you saw in his eyes.

You chew your lip as you pace the walkways of the company, pacing and thinking, (more like overthinking amirite) and trying to decide if you should talk to him. You somehow end up in the tallest room of the building, looking out over the town and the sunset. You get a flashback to your first day as a fire fighter, walking back to the truck with your team you were in the back of the group by Obi and he stopped to look at the sunset for a moment. “Remember y/n, take a moment to appreciate the beauty around you. It’s always taken for granted” that’s what he said to you that made you admire him. The original seed your feelings grew from. You smiled and turned, running down the steps to try and find him, to tell him.

“Hey Arthur have you seen the Captain?” You asked when he was the first one you saw “oh yeah. He just left with the girl from the flower shop” you raise your eyebrows “left with Margret? Why?” He shrugs “I don’t know. Probably a date. She seemed really happy” you laugh once in shock “huh” you say and he just shrugs, going back to his pretending to be a knight with his plasma blade as you walk out of the room.

You pace the halls again until you eventually give up. You won’t tell him. He’ll never know. You hope he’s happy with Margaret, she seems like a lovely woman.

Every day being around him sucks, you wish you could take some time off to go away for a little bit so you wouldnt have to see him, wouldnt have to feel the pain anymore. It made you look forward to your physio appointments but even those are ending soon, only two left before you're cleared. Dont get you wrong, you are excited to be cleared to work again, paperwork was beginning to annoy you, but you were going to miss the excuse to get out every once in a while so you wouldn't have to see him anymore. At least until you have gotten over him.

He notices you pulling away, avoiding him again. He doesnt understand everything was going so well. He was planning this big confession and spent forever with the florist planning the perfect bouquet and getting her help on what girls would like in a confession, he has the whole thing planned out but now you wont even look at him uness you have to. He’s so frustrated! When did communicating with each other get this hard?

You get back from physio and he meets you at the door again, this time hiding his emotions and just giving you a look that tells you to follow him. He takes you to the same empty room you were in yesterday, at the very top of the company. “Captain?” you ask softly, your eyes on the ground and your hands gripping the strap of your bag that is across your chest hard enough to lighten your knuckles. “Little duck” he whispers softly, his voice held something you couldn't place, something you never heard from him before, and when you realize what it is your eyes meet his. It was pain.

“My little ducky” he says softly “why?” you feel your walls break, your hard work to build them up and forget about your love for the captain turned to ash as you cover your face with your hands, tears burning your eyes. “I.. I just” you swallow hard and pull yourself together, you wont cry in front of him. You sniff and grit your teeth, dropping your hands and controlling the emotions on your face “I hope you are happy with Margaret” you say and look behind him, knowing if you saw his pain you’d for sure cry.

“What.. who the hell is margaret?” he says and you furrow your brows as confusing fills your mind. You look to your feet “Arthur said you’re dating Margaret, the florist” he laughs “her name is Margaret? I thought it was Molly, that’s awkward. But no, I am not dating the florist. Why would you believe aAthur? He thinks he's a knight ninja king or something”

“I uh, i gota go” you say and turn to leave but he takes your hand, pulling you to his embrace. “No you dont” he whispers and gently holds your head to his chest. “Tell me. I need you to tell me what is going on. Right now on this roof we are going to tell each other everything we’ve been hiding, starting with how you have been avoiding me again” you feel your eyes burn again, this time because of how frustrated you were with your stupidity..

“I feel so stupid i dont want to say” you mumble into his chest and he laughs “my precious ducky, please tell me” he says softly and you pull back, deciding to look into his eyes when you tell him the truth. “I couldn't deal with being around you knowing how much I love you since I thought you were with someone else. It hurt too much to see you. I thought i lost my chance”

He laughs softly “how could i fall in love with anyone else when the best woman is right in front of me?” you look up at him with a shocked expression and you almost turn to look behind you to see if there was anyone else there but you controlled yourself. You just cleared your throat and asked “what?” he laughs and cups your cheek, his strong callused hands holding you gentler than you could have ever imagined after seeing him crack a jar of pickles when he was opening it.

He leans down to your ear and whispers “I love you. I've loved you since the beginning. My little ducky” you gasp and turn your face to connect your lips to his. You melt into him as his strong arms wrap around your waist, lifting you to his chest as he kisses you deeply, his tongue swipes at your lip and you meet him with your own, making him hum in approval as you runs your fingers across his short cut hair on the back of his head, the shaved hair tickling your palms before you move higher to get his longer lengths in your fingertips.

You didn't even remember him picking you up until your feet touch the ground again. “You love me?” you ask when you pull back, right up against his lips and he sighs softly, pressing his forehead into yours. “I love you y/n” he says and you feel your stomach flip as a slow grin spreads over your face before your hands move to his shoulders as your bag falls to the ground and you jump, wrapping your legs around his waist as he catches you easily with a laugh

You kiss his lips again, overcome with happiness, pecking them a few times quickly before peppering kisses around his face “i love you” you whisper between kisses and he laughs as he holds you tight, his heart fluttering to know you feel the same. You pull back and smile down at him “i'm sorry i was such an idiot” you whisper and then hop down from his arms. “you’re not an idiot sweetheart. If i found out you were dating someone else and not me, that would hurt. I would have to avoid you for a while too. I dont want you to be with anyone else but me” he says and you blush, your heart melting as you take his large hands in your own ��so when ya taking me out on a real date big guy?” you ask with a blush and he smiles “since you asked, sweetheart, that’s kind of the reason i was with Maggie to begin with” “margaret” “yeah margaret. She was helping me plan the perfect way to confess to you, i had this whole pan. So this friday, you and me, 7pm. I have a reservation downtown and will be getting you the best bouquet of flowers you ve ever seen so get ready” you laugh a little awkwardly “sorry for ruining your plan” you say and he smiles, kissing your forehead “you haven't ruined anything. you love me, nothing is better than that. Plus this means i can kiss you sooner than i was hoping” he leans down and presses his lips to yours softer than before shooting tingles down your spine “and it’s so much better than I imagined” he admits and you grin “then dont stop” you whisper and he smirks “anything for you sweetheart” he says before his lips are crashing into yours again

BOONNUUSSSSS

“So whats this about a duck”

Shinra asks at dinner and you groan as Obi laughs hard. You look pointedly at everyone there “okay but this does not leave this table and if it does i will beat ALL of your asses, so its more incentive for one of you to not say a thing because imagine how the rest of you will feel about the one who spilled” they all nod with a laugh and Hinawa rolls his eyes, knowing you’d never dare to beat his ass.

“Back when Obi and i were greenies” you look to him and he has a shit eating grin on his face as he lays his hand on your knee under the table. “We were just normal fire fighters, so calls like getting a cat out of a tree was nothing new. But this was a call about a duck. I answered the phone and it went a little bit like this” you put your hand to your ear like a phone

“thank you for calling the Fire Defence Agency, my name is Y/n how may i help you today?”

your voice changes to sound like an older gentleman “yes, my duck is stuck, please help.”

voice is yours again “your duck sir?”

“Yes. Herbert the duck. He cannot fly. Come immediately. 2836 the street name rd”

“Then he hangs up. Obi and i were the only ones there since we were greenies and had to man the phones during lunch hour so we roll out and get to his house and sure enough a duck is stuck on top of this mans roof” you hold your hands up and try to shape it out for them “he had this house where the top was sort of curved like this just above his front door” you bring your hands up and around in an arc. The truck we have doesnt have the laddder but it’s not too high so Obi puts me on his shoulders and as i go to grab this little bastard he screams in my face and pecks my eye” Obi is laughing remembering it “hush let me finish” you say to him with a smile

“So this damn Herbert the duck, my eye is watering and it hurts and i'm cursing up a storm as Obi laughs his ass off and tries to hold me steady. i get a hold on Herberts back, holding down its wings so i can easily lift it into my arms and as i pull it towards me he pecks my OTHER EYE” Obi is holding in cackles, he knows whats coming and can hear the mans voice as clear as day in his head “then Obi brings me down and im crying uncontrollably, my eyes burning as this duck watches me smugly hand him over to his care taker and then the gentleman goes”

You change your voice to mimic the mans again “watch out, he’s a pecker” Obi is laughing so hard along with Vulcan and Shinra, the rest chuckling along with.

“And i'm standing there, eyes leaking unctronably from being pecked in both eyes, and he just takes his duck and walks inside his house. I had to go to the doctor and get vaccines for all these diseases that ducks apparently have.” Obi catches his breath and wipes his tears “you should have heard her on the way back from the doctor, two eyepatches on and going on a tangent about how ducks should have gone extinct and left the geese since they are much cuter. I couldn’t stop laughing the whole drive home”

You slap his arm playfully “you saw that picture at the museum they look so cute and kind!” he smiles and holds your hand “I wonder how Herbert the duck is doing” he asks and you smile “probably not as well as I am” you smile around the table at your team and friends, all smiling and still chuckling softly imagining your story.

(Later)

“I can’t believe that one of the first things you liked about me was my tangent about ducks” you say as you crawl into bed beside him. He laughs and wraps his arms around you, hugging you to his chest “you were so cute and funny. I knew I needed to keep you around me because you made life fun and wonderful because that’s who you are” you kiss his cheek as he continues, rolling over and holding you “I knew I wanted to have you forever but I was too dense to realize I loved you” he nuzzles into your neck and lays on your chest, his weight and warmth comforting. “I love you” you whisper and he kisses you neck softly “I love you sweetheart”

#obi akitaru x reader #obi akitaru x y/n #obi akitaru x you #obi x you #obi x reader #fire force obi #obi akitaru #fire force imagines

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katarastrans · 4 years

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i really hate when people say that azula shouldnt get a redemption arc. like i get that not every villain or bad guy deserves one, but azula absolutely does.

before i get into it, it want to say that im not very good at putting my thoughts into words, so i apologize if any of this is hard to understand or is worded poorly. its not completely cohesive or coherent but i just really need to get my thoughts out.

there are a few things that are vital to remember about azula: shes fourteen, shes a victim of abuse and shes mentally ill in a way that is very frequently demonized.

im not saying that these things excuse any of her actions. they dont but these things provide important context as to why she does what she does. shes still under the thumb of her abusive father and shes only fourteen.

ever since azula was very young she’s had to deal with both ozai and ursas abuse. ursa openly disliked, maybe even hated, azula. theres one particular scene in zuko alone where ursa says “what is wrong with that child” within azulas earshot, as azula is running past her and that might not seem like a lot but as someone who has had to deal with similar things its fucking awful and i struggle to believe that thats the only time something like that happened. its obvious that ursa cares more for zuko than azula, and its obvious that iroh(more on him later) also cares more for zuko.

the only adult that azula has is ozai, so it makes sense that she wants to be exactly what he wants her to be. she does what he wants and acts how he wants her to act. theres a lot more than can be said about azula and ozai but im not going to because its not necessarily important to whether or not azula deserves a redemption (thats not to say that its unimportant to azula and her character, its obviously extremely important, its just not necessary to get into all the details for this particular discussion) and i found that trying to write in depth about this i was unable to say anything i was really happy with. other people can and probably have written about this better than i can.

so azula has never been able to come out from under the influence of ozai. she only has him to look up to.

why doesnt she deserve redemption? what is it about azula that makes people think that she shouldnt be able to learn and grow and become a better, happier person?

now im gonna talk about iroh a bit. iroh was a general for presumably a while. he literally laid siege to ba sing se for 400 days and didnt stop until lu ten died. he is a war criminal as an adult. as an adult who is old enough to have a son who is in the military. he killed so many people and didnt stop to consider that hmm maybe this is a bad thing until someone close to him died. and like yea, thats horrible. its a horrible thing to lose someone close to you but hes activley caused the death of hundreds.

so why do we forgive iroh? to me, hes done worse things than azula. yes, azula conquered ba sing se but she didnt lay siege to it for over a year and he did this as an adult.

well, we forgive iroh because the show has forgiven him. whats more is that the show puts iroh on a moral high ground. iroh is always made out to be right and he hates azula.

he never even put in the effort to get to know her (as seen by the fact that he gifts her a doll, which she proceeds to set on fire because its obviously a ‘well i guess i should probably get you a gift too. what do girls like? dolls?’ kind of gift’ while he gives zuko something he actually likes).

azula is in a situation that is while different from zukos, is also very similar, and iroh treats her like a villain for it while he only supported zuko. dont get me wrong, what he did for zuko is extremely good. he did a good thing supporting him because he desperately needed that, but azula also needed it and what does iroh do for her? he calls her crazy and says that she “needs to go down.”

this isnt me saying that you should hate iroh. hes important to the story, does good things for zuko and is interesting (though hed be much more interesting if the show actually acknowledged his flaws instead of making him the moral authority of the show -_-). its just kind of fucked up how people treat iroh vs how they treat azula.

iroh gets paired with the phrase ‘make tea not war’ (a complete mischaracterization. my hatred for this phrase is unending.) and is treated as some wise old man. azula is routinely called a psychopath. and i get that the show displays iroh as good and azula as bad, but we do also get to see azula in a sympathetic light at the end.

im not saying that the last scene with azula is perfect, but it shows azula as a young girl who is suffering. whats going on is a tragedy. the music is telling us that and then we see her sobbing and losing control after katara has beaten her. i dont like that this is the last we see of her, but i do like the scene because, at least to me, it shows that azula is sympathetic (though she shouldnt have to have a public breakdown to be sympathetic but thats something else) and that shes just a kid in a really shitty position but apparently people miss this. apparently people watch the agni kai scene with its sad music that culminates in a child weeping and still think that azula is an irredeemable monster.

and even if the show didnt show azula as sympathetic to some degree she still shouldnt be treated the way she is by the fandom.

azula is psychotic (said in the actual use of the word and not in the ableist ‘oh she fucking evil’ kind of way. also said as someone who is psychotic). she hallucinates and has delusions and intense paranoia on screen. psychosis is extremely demonized.

to me its kind of obvious that a lot of the ‘azula doesnt deserve a redemption’ argument is ableist. people will see an abused, mentally ill child and think that shes worse than her war criminal uncle. if you think that azula doesnt deserve redemption please think about why you think that. think about why you dont want her to get the chance to grow and become a better person and to eventually be happy. i dont care if she makes a good and interesting villain, that doesnt mean she doesnt deserve redemption. zuko was also an interesting villain but he got a redemption and stayed a good and interesting character.

anyways to end this: let characters with “scary” mental illnesses have the opportunity to grow and change and live happy lives.

#atla #azula #op #honestly not totally happy with this but ive been working on it for three and a half hours and i just need to get this out #again: i am bad at putting my thoughts into like... words and stuff #my essays

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the-nsr-family · 3 years

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Main Au Timeline Part 2

as they heal up and spend more time with 1010, Zuke is less hyperly protective of mayday and they start to trust the boyband. Mayday forms a sibling like bond with them, and while zuke doesnt go that far, he will say that they are good friends (though mayday will tease him on wanting more with Rin)

- They also bond with tatiana more and slowly start opening up about their pasts to her and eachother (not to say neither knew stuff before the attack, but there wasnt really a time or place to say “i techinily have family that never stepped up to claim me when i was orphaned so i have abandonment issues from that and thats why i always want to be around you” and that “lightning storms freak me out as i saw my dad electracuted to death infrount of me by one and my encouragement for you to slow down and relax is due to watching my mother work herself to death while growing up after my dad died”)

- Tatiana’s personal guilt grows by mayday (seemingly unknowingly) conferming that she is the niece she refused to ever see, that she got so jelouse over her brother having that she refused to ever meet. that she spend years grieving over.

- unrelated to above but everyone in the house/penthouse is sleep-deprived because of night terrors, which occasionally turn violent (primarily for zuke, but watch out, mayday Bites)

-Tatiana gets ready for mayday to hate her as she sits her down for a talk, only to get blown away by the fact Mayday had known sense tatiana told them that she was ful kyra, but that mayday had forgiven her along time ago for not helping her “frist time we met, you where grieve over me, who you thought died 10 years ago back then”

tying back to the fact they actually met pre-game at a concert, and nice little closed circle which helps them bond

-tatiana breaking out the memoribila she never could get herself to get rid of? Mayday crying over hearing her parents vioces for a couple hours. she watches and listens to everything, and even finish the song her parents where working on.

time goes on, fmaily bonds grow stronger, Zuke and mayday wowing everyone with their singing voice (its mainly zuke, and rin falls in love even harder listening to him sing), they start releasing music again online and mayday starts a blog.

everyone meets and falls in love with aunty, that just the rules. their other friends (various NPCs and Most-likely self insterts) start to pop up in the NSR artists line of sight, which helps the other artists bond with B2J as their friends offer insights to how they think and react. (Also Reaffirming that mayday survived along time Alone on the streets by pointing out queues and things she does subconsciously and how the artists can adapt to her)

then kliff starts up trouble again, tageting both civilain friends and NSR family alike, triggering Mayday and zukes biggest breakdown yet. only a few reasons stopped them from going out and facing kliff and his gang on their own- Mayday is still injured here, Aunty was talking them threw their spiral back to reality, tatiana came in and hugged them.

Rin and Zuke get togather everything is happy for a while- heck Mayday and zuke finally started to show their powers, though they had issues with them at frist, they where working on them when kliff biggest attack so far hits and mayday is taken.

(skipping over this as i already did a thing about it the other day)

Mayday gets back, they find out there is a stalker/treator in the building, the mega stars start to really close ranks, no one goes anywhere alone, aunty semi-forcefully has them through a party/get-to-gather to help unwind, tatiana isnt fully happy with it, but at the party she meets barbara.

now B2J has two kick ass moms (they dont fall into dating just like that, it takes a few months,)

when tatiana and barbara are firmly dating Beach Episode happens, all the good shit here.

sometimes after they come back maydays grandparents want to meet her. she says yes to one meeting then cuts them out of her life, her other aunts are pretty cool though

(and that should be everything so far that isnt any au stuff or personal character interpretations (thats a DIFFERENT post) - Heartbreaker _____________ We really owe a hell of a lot to Aunty in this AU uhjenfdhujknemd-

#nsr #nsr au #no straight roads #no straight roads au #Roads to Recovery #submission

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floorbed · 4 years

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13, 22, 30, 35, 47 for both please <3

beeee thank you for letting me infodump abt my kids!!! under a read more bc i dont know how to shut up

13. Did they like school? Teachers? Schoolmates?

so pen had private tutelage technicalllyyy bc he wld just hang out with mikolai all the time and he wld take him to his Important Grafs Son Boy Lessons. so he technically learned all about like, political history n battles n stuff. but he did not pay attention for that shit like, at all. he was just there to hang w mikolai! he Did get his literacy n v good penmanship from it tho which makes him feel very >:)

agni... hm! she liked school to an extent bc it was something she was very good at, and it was something that made her family proud of her for n she rlly liked that positive attention, but she tended to like hyperfixate on it and it was rlly negative for her mental health lol. schoolagni just had very high expectations of herself and never felt like she was Doing Enough, even tho she didnt really know what she was working towards which led her to feel super stressed out all the time for no like end goal. saying fuck it and choosing to drop out was like. the biggest natural release of serotonin she has ever experienced lol.

22. Who are their friends? Lovers? ‘Type’ or 'ideal’ partner?

pen has friends!! notably the party !! basically he will make friends w anyone who will give him positive attention n second chances n make him feel important. as for lovers pen has only k*ssed One Person Ever so he doesnt have like. much of a type. but its very much also the friends things. he just likes getting attention from powerpful and/or important ppl bc it gives him validation!! *kills him and his nobility complex* . i just want this bitch to have positive character development

agni does not really understand how to cross the barrier between Acquaintance into Friend? it is new to her. she is good at being on neutral terms w people but anything more than that is A Lot. She Has At Least One Platonic Friend Though! for the past two years which is like, big for her. she actually likes being perceived by seras bc she never feels like judged or anything, and having an outside opinion helps her be self reflective towards her own mental state in a positive way! also she Appreciates The Company Greatly. being around the party is rlly helping her be like... socialized and function in a group setting which is funky! whenever agni thinks abt her t*pe or l*vers her brain just Static Noises bc she feels very much like. she wouldnt know the right way to express anything like that bc shes never done it before. But Well. Stupid Has A Crush

30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive?

pen is holding onto soo many things lol and its less of a he wants forgiveness and more of a he wants to be forgiven Kind Of Moment. he kind of just wants a do-over on like. his entire adulthood past 17 basically bc he wishes he cldve done better

Similar To Pen, agni is holding onto a thing and wants to be forgiven for it but Unlike Pen who if given the opportunity would do everything different and wld be able to ask for forgiveness, while she subconsciously wants to be forgiven she doesnt know how to reach out and ask for that, and also does not want to stop doing the things she feels she messed up with bc they give her a sense of purpose and direction!

35. Do they always rationalize errors? How do they accept disasters and failures?

soo pen copes with failures and disasters by being entirely too hopeful things will just Work Out and the universe will just eventually Give Him Nice Things if he keeps wishing for them!! he doesnt really understand like. Irreversible Social Consequences bc hes like well if i just ask rlly nicely for a second chance and do rlly good the next time around everything will be okay!

agni’s relationship w failure is ! complicated! failing on purpose is a very cathartic thing for her bc it gives her a sense of agency. but failing at something she wanted to succeed at and was actually invested in def brings her back to the stressed overachiever dread headspace she had growing up, except now she does Not possess the level of self reflection to actually understand why she’s feeling what she’s feeling, so instead it’s just Indescribable Bad Feeling. The Sludge, if you will

47. Do they want to project an image of a younger, older, more important person? Do they want to be visible or invisible?

pen either wants to be Untouchable or just wants to be Enough! it switches between the two

when agni’s feeling more connected to herself n her upbringing she wants to be competent and professional, but 99% of the time she is disconnected from herself and either does not want to be perceived or does not care how she is perceived lol

#mel talks #ask games #dnd tag #penance the jester #agni

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iknwnofillers · 4 years

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this thoreau lionett isnt a good parent by any means. hes the guy who pushed all of his baggage on to his young kid and just said “im doing this for your own good” or “i know whats good for you” or “i will always make the best decisions for you” and thats one of the most shittiest decisions a parent can ever make or make their children go through. parents need to stop themselves and realize that kids know shit. they are not vessel for you to project or puppet your dreams. they are individuals. and this guy didnt acknowledge his kids. idk you guys but i see myself in beau. i have a huge age gap between me and my sister. its the same shit thats happening to beau and i can see how wrong this father figure is.

people over look positive acknowledgement and beau growing up essentially got none of it. that made her act out. and im not sayin acting out wasnt her fault. beau was just the outcome and her dad was the instigator. he coudlnt handle her anymore so he called the cobalt soul on her and just switched over responsibilites. he didnt face her and and help her through it. he switched hands. thats not what a father does. thats what beau said. she said he didnt take her side. he didnt do shit in how she turned out. and the best thing to ever happen to her was her being thrown out of her own house. do you know how fcuked up that is? home is were you feel accepted. to be thrown out of it is to feel not accepted. and now shes finally found her home in the might nein. shes grown. shes strong. and everything thats ever happened to her is a result of her own hard work.

all im saying is this guy just tried to use that fcuking thing that ive seen many times that my own parents used where they guilt trip you and use gross fcuking manipulative words like “i had to do what i had to do” and even when he saw her he said “well you turned our fine didnt you” as if hes done something to say that and its fcuking gross to say the least. he doesnt need to be forgiven. he doesnt deserve that fucking forgiveness. hes a shitty man who is yet to find out what is important and what is not and until he realizes that he shoudlnt be forgiven. and yasha was right. maybe if this all disappears into the night then he’ll know whats the most important thing and maybe do good by the lil kid. he cant fix shit with beau but he can try not to be the same with the lil kid. that lil kid is still pure and curious and cannot be blamed for the shittiness of his father

#cr spoilers #critical role #mighty nein #beau #beauregard lionett #thoreau lionett #long post #iknf posts

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lingeringscars · 4 years

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disclaimer: i wrote this at 3am when i should have been sleeping and i have no desire to read back through it so if u see misplaced colons.....don’t @ me. just the usual me being back on my bs !

One of the more fascinating things about spacekru is that....most of the characters have very objective character growth. And im not about to dispute the fact that it has happened but i find it really interesting that....bellamy and raven haven't had it in a way. ( murphy’s going backward rather than forward in a way, at first, is also really important to me !!! )

@loveisaviolence and i have talked briefly about this with raven and how interesting it is but mostly the fact that it doesnt seem like raven has really processed any of her trauma and how instead probably threw herself into trying to get them home. This is as much as I'm going to talk on raven as i do not write her.

But bellamy on face value....seems to have changed a lot. Hes forgiven echo and formed a deep bond with her. Hes more rational in his actions than he typically used to be ( although i have talked ad nauseam about the fact that he always used both his head and his heart in tandem and it always being really fascinating to me. This shift in bellamy and clarke isnt bellamy becoming more head and clarke more heart....its them changing the motivation. Bellamy always used his head to think through what his heart was telling him. Everything with mount weather. Him dressing in azgeda gear to get to clarke. He was guided by his heart but used his head to do it. Clarke is the opposite-- shes guided by what is best for the whole. She uses her head but...her actions are very much her heart...not shooting bellamy when he opened the door or injecting herself with nightblood for instance. )

ANYWAY that tangent aside...bellamy was always very outwardly stressed / anxious. Every emotion would play out on his features and he was prone to outbursts pre space. After space...its become internalized. Like raven, he had a task: uniting them, leading them, survival. He, as always, gives his all to whatever the task is. That leaves little time to focus on himself.

While i do believe he came to terms with his actions, i do not think he ever processed them fully and instead pushed them aside. HOWEVER. Space is also the only time hes actually allowed to be angry. Bellamy doesnt allow himself these emotions when they have a war to fight. It’s also why him being so mad at Clarke in s3 is so important because....for the first time ( since first half of s1 )with her he was able to be !! He forgives because it is necessary. HIM TAKING 3 YEARS TO FORGIVE ECHO IS ACTUALLY PROGRESS. Instead of pushing his feelings down ( which lol he does w/ octavia in s5 and s6 hence the pretty violent emotional outbursts towards her ), he allows himself that time to hate her. He allows himself to be angry bc it doesnt directly impact their survival. They need to work together but that doesnt mean they have to like each other.

Flash forward to the ground and why i really dont think bellamy processed his trauma at all and instead just got better at hiding it. He did get that break from violence and going back to the ground throws him right back into the thick of it....but i also cannot fathom how people dont see how aggressively s1-4 bellamy is still present in his interactions, if more subdued. The most pressing relationships we see this: clarke and octavia.

Im not going to talk about clarke here bc quite frankly i dont remember enough to form coherent thoughts about his attitude towards Clarke in relation to finding out shes alive. Her "death" clearly had a major impact though. and despite them being out of sync...the do both fall back into coleaders with each other quickly.

But the first thing bellamy does when he gets back....his primary motivation to return: Octavia. He thinks shes in danger so they need to go back down...immediately. more moments of everything being very internalized now is that very first bellamy & echo interaction where she reels him back in when he begins to spiral at the possibility that o isnt alive. He returns to the ground for her and then fights to get down to the bunker to rescue her.

Rescue. He still has the mentality that she is his responsibility. He should have been down there with her. He should have helped her. He is still taking the world onto his shoulders---- so did he really grow at all? Did he learn that everything is not his responsibility? Did he confront his upbringing and the consequences of it? No.

Come season 6 and he says that he has too many sins to release a lantern because he really hasnt forgiven himself at all. He thinks about it every day. He sees the faces in his dreams every night. He has not processed or moved forward at all.

And when we get the BIGGEST step of growth in the history of his character....."you are my sister. But you are not my responsibility. Not anymore." Not anymore. It is SO IMPORTANT that he is starting to FINALLY accept that octavia needs to take responsibility of her own actions..can no longer blame himself for not being able to stop her / help her....but...

Not anymore.

I dont know how to word this in a way that will sound eloquent so bear with me.... not anymore. Meaning it once was. Meaning....he thinks that up until she burned the farm he is to blame for her actions. Up until she burned the farm, she was his responsibility. He didnt confront what their mom said to him when he was six years old. He did not acknowledge the burden that was placed on him because he doesnt see it that way. He doesnt see it as something that was unfair or unreasonable because to go back to season 1....his life both ended the day she was born and started then too. He had a purpose taking care of octavia....he almost idolizes his mother [ the girl under the stairs like mom taught us...she raised me to be better than this. To be good ]. The thing space did allow him was the time to really, truly find a family outside of Octavia for the first time ever. Space allowed him the chance to have and love people FOR HIMSELF. And that made it a lot easier for him to break away and out of this stranglehold of a relationship where, in so many ways, he had been programmed to believe that everything was on him and any mistake was his fault. In space, he was able to see that there is life outside of octavia....but that doesnt mean he has processed the life he had with her...because he didn't.

In conclusion: bellamy really hasnt processed his trauma at all...just got better at directing it and hiding it. His anxiety became more internal: wringing his hands versus running into battle. He wants to move forward. He wants to do better. But he hasnt confronted the past--- not fully. And as long as there is a task to be completed, he never will. It isnt how he is programmed. He will run himself into the ground before taking a moment for himself because a leader gives everything that they are to their people. Space gave him a FAMILY. a place outside of octavia. something that is more balanced, with mutual respect and care....but when it comes to processing trauma? becoming more whole w/ himself in a way other members of spesikru have? not so much..........

#muse: bellamy blake #this is jumbled and got away from me but.....i have so many feelings #and have been thinking so much about s5 #also s6 re blakes ..... because it really just the more i think about it...the more i think he really didnt talk about #anything....that happened on the ground...during those 6 years....like i stand by him being way more likely w/ raven and monty #bc they were there and arent....murphy....which is a whole other animal....bc i think in space bellamy threw himself more into #mending relationships than mending himself.#Idk i have A Lot of thoughts about it....a lot....#bc they all got a break from the violence and it shattered and came to an end but....the motivations had just changed for bell...#nothing else really....he was fighting for his family....acting more rationally than emotionally but still guided by his heart #and every time he brings it up....still layered with guilt and self loathing...#so basically....you gotta make him talk about it bc otherwise hes just going to say that he doesnt have time for that (emotions) right now #he's too pragmatic.#anyway its just so fascinating to me and im back on my bullshit and want to rewatch as usual :///#this is something that i've been toying w/ for a while every time i see s5 or s6 gifsets bc....it's a lot.#don't get me wrong like there is a marked difference between s4 and s5 and it absolutely can be jarring but...boy got a long way to go #before he ever feels comfortable w/ himself and his actions. before he can see the unfairness of his upbringing completely.#before he can forgive o for putting HIS FAMILY in danger bc ultimately...that was what broke them...not her putting HIM in danger...and that #will never be reconciled until he can confront how octavia has always been unsafe for HIM.#dyn: my sister ; my responsibility (blakes)#sort of.... i love two siblings... that both need therapy

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thesnapewecandreamof · 5 years

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I love your snucissa hcs a bunch!!! Can you do Happy Everyone Lives And Is Forgiven AU with Snucissa? And.. mayhaps some snucissa involving baby draco calling lucius “papa” and snape “dada” bc he doesnt know what else to call snape and everyone’s heart combusts😭💕 thank u dearly for your amazing work and writing, please take time to yourself and dont extend yourself too far!

Aww my heart! Not very fluffy but I still hope you like it!

- When they started their arrangement and Narciss and Lucius wanted to try a different…position, Severus made sure that all the protective charms and potions were dealt with. It wouldn’t do for the Malfoy heir to sport the greasy locks a certain poor potions master had.

- When Narcissa was giving birth and cursing the name of her lovers, Severus didn’t think it wise to comment that only one of them deserved such rebuke. Instead of some fine brandy or whiskey, he and Lucius toasted some skelegrow for their hands afterward. Narcissa had quite the grip despite her delicate hands.

- After a week or so after Draco was born, Lucius barged into his room holding up two sets of robes and contemplating which was better. Only to find Severus in the middle of packing. “Are we going somewhere?” was Lucius’ first question and he sat in the bed, carefully resting the robes on the bed beside him.

- Severus explained that it wouldn’t do for Draco to grow up with Severus around. Lucius called in Narcissa when Severus was being too stubborn to listen and between them, they convinced their lover to stay.

- As Draco grew up, Lucius and Narcissa would tuck him into bed, Severus looming at the doorway and hesitant to approach the child. One night, Draco called him over and with his Malfoy charm, convinced Severus to tell him a story. Severus was now Draco’s favorite storyteller.

- He called Lucius father and Narcissa mother, as do most pureblood children. Draco didn’t have anything to call Severus. Until one night before bed when Draco was kissing his parents goodnight. “Goodnight, Father, Goodnight mother.” Draco then waved at him from his position by the doorway, “Good night dad.” Severus nearly fell on his feet but managed to utter his own good night.

- Lucius was laughing at his reaction and poured him some wine. He waited until the younger man was drinking before he remarked, “He can’t very well call you ‘Uncle Severus’, now could he? Imagine little Draco walking in on us, seeing dear Uncle Severus buggering his mum while his father was watching-”

- Severus predictably choked on the wine, “Lucius, shut up! He will never walk in on us, why would you even think-”

- “And what would others think when he tells them that his dear mother was caught kissing ‘uncle Severus’ while father was away. The scandal would cause an uproar-”

- “Not you too, Narcissa!”

- Narcissa, the devious woman she is, took the opportunity to re-open a topic they’ve brought up years before that Severus always tried to avoid. Having a triad wasn’t normal, but it wasn’t also looked down on.

- Severus explained that his position, should the Headmaster-the head of the Wizengamot and many other departments- would not be pleased to know he has bonded himself to Voldemort-supporters so quick after the war.

- Lucius then introduced a very old ritual he found in the Malfoy library and explained that the Ministry need not be alerted. it would just be between them.

- It took weeks and Lucius and Narcissa weren’t above using their son to soften Severus. They encouraged Draco to call him dad, small things that would make Severus realize what he truly has. When Severus agreed Lucius insisted they have dinner in a fancy restaurant. Nobody was the wiser and thought it was just old friends catching up.

- By the time Draco had to go to Hogwarts, the three have already explained how no one can know that Severus was his dad and that they were more than student and professor.

- “My father will hear about this” began as an in joke between Draco and Severus, but when Draco was truly upset he’d sometimes yell out that “My dad will hear about this!”

- It wasn’t easy being head of house, professor, and dad. Especially after the Dark Lord returned. Narcissa often had to help Severus and Lucius when they come back from meetings. They don’t truly discuss him being a spy, not quite wanting to know details about it.

- Draco saw having his father sent to Azkaban while Snape did nothing as a betrayal. Narcissa wouldn’t speak to him for months until Draco was given the task of killing Dumbledore. It pained Severus that she needed a vow from him to protect their son after all they’ve been through.

- Severus saw how Draco resented him, how he was just a professor, and that no matter how he tried he can’t get Draco to see reason. Severus most regret that he can’t give comfort to the young boy that was as good as his son the moment he needed it most.

- When Lucius fetched him for the Dark Lord in the Shrieking Shack, Severus expressed his deepest apologies for not doing better. Lucius was still hurt from being sent to Azkaban but remarked that it might not be too late for Severus to run. Severus just pulled Lucius for a quick hug, whispering to him his love and apologies and asking Lucius to say the same to Narcissa and Draco.

- After the battle, the Malfoys were reunited and together they found Severus bathing in his own blood in the shack. It was by some miracle that he was still alive.

- They took him away and despite Potter revealing Severus’ true allegiances, the Malfoys hid him from the world that would very much like to have his head on a silver platter.

- They nearly lost him to the venom and Narcissa held his hand as he saw delusions from his past, Lucius held him when Severus was shivering both from fever and fear.

- It was Draco who was at his bedside when Severus awoke. “Dad!” The young man was careful but he couldn’t contain his relief at seeing his dad awake and finally out of danger. He clung to Severus and Lucius and Narcissa joined soon after.

- Lucius, Narcissa, and Severus finally had the opportunity to have an official bonding ceremeny recognized by the ministry two years after Voldemort’s defeat.

I just really love the Malfoy’s showering Severus with love and affection, also kinda teasing him and ganging up on him when he’s being a stubborn idiot.

Life is being a bit rough lately. Fortunately, I am not Life’s bitch and I will plunge the world to darkness when I kick the living daylights out off it.

#severus snape #lucius malfoy #narcissa malfoy #draco malfoy #anon #asks #snucissa

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laws-hat-headcanons · 5 years

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Hi Hat can you tell us more about Arayas scars? or bit more on her backstory? P.s she is cutie!

First of all Anon how dare you say such nice things about my trash child. Second. Thank you and I love you. I genuinely means so much to me that any of you are even interested (unless it's just the same Anon??? In which case I love you???)

Super lame and angsty and also long so BY GOD I hope my read more works. A thousand gold stars if you manage to read it all *blows kisses*

Wilder Arayya (OC): Scars

Arayya, aged 3-ish

Arayya is lying on the deck, trying to nap in the last remnants of the sun when Luffy bounds over, landing unceremoniously across her stomach, driving the air from her body.

"Oi, Arayya, I want a story!" He demands, rolling across her, ignoring her coughing and spluttering.

"Argh, no, I'm trying to relax." She says, trying to shove him off of her with no success as his rubber arms loop around her and hold her tight. "Luffy! Get off!"

"Story please!" He says again and Arayya sighs because she knows when there is no point arguing with him (which is most of the time) and she really doesn't have the energy this late in the day.

"Fine, what kind of story do you want?" She asks, relenting as Luffy untangles his limbs from hers and sits back with a grin.

She tries not to flinch when he reaches out and runs a finger down the scar along her forearm.

"Tell me about how you got all these neat scars!" Luffy asks, missing the pained look that crosses her face at the very personal request. She thinks about saying no, about flat out refusing because she doesn't have to. She could lie and he would never know, wouldn't even question it, but in the end he is her captain. He has never pried before, never questioned her odd abilities or strange appearance. Of all the people, he will judge her the least. She hopes.

"It's not a happy story," She warns him. "You still wanna hear it?"

"Mhmm." The captain nods. And Arayya mirrors the action, taking a deep breath to gather her thoughts, then she begins.

"Once upon a time there as a woman, a beautiful woman, the daughter of a rich and powerful nobleman. She fell in love with a young pirate who visited her island and the two of them ran away together - much to the anger of her father who wanted his daughter to marry for political gain, to further his position," Arayya began, adjusting her position. "But the two of them were in love and so they went against his wishes. It did not take long before the young woman fell pregnant and when she gave birth to a healthy baby girl the Pirate was over the moon. His little girl had her mothers looks, but everyone agreed that she had her fathers eyes."

"What colour were her eyes?" Luffy asks, rocking back and forth, eager to hear more.

"Does it matter? I don't know, blue?" Arayya shrugs, because she doesn't know - doesnt remember - and continues. "They lived happily together for a few years, watching their daughter grow - but then the Pirate had to leave, he had to continue his journey to make his mark on the world. The young woman continued to raise their daughter alone, but she struggled. Without the support and passion of her lover she grew despondent with the life of a peasant, her small house, no servants, having to do everything herself and the lack of beautiful things she had grown used to in her earlier life. The young woman returned to her father and begged him to take them back. He said he would, but that she would have to give up her child. Without the child her could pretend his daughter had not disobeyed him, could still find her a good marriage. So she had to make a choice."

"But she didn't go back, right?" Luffy asks, tilting his head to one side. "She didn't leave the girl?"

"Stop interrupting and I'll tell you." Arayya huffs, rolling her eyes.

"The woman told herself that with the child they would both be miserable, at least it she gave the girl up she could be happy - so the woman took her daughter, now some three years old, and left her in the care of an orphanage in the lesser part of the city. She told the girl to never speak her birth name to anyone, that if she did something very bad would happen to her, to her mother and to her Pirate father. And so, terrified, the girl never said her name aloud ever again, tried to forget it for the sake of the family that abandoned her." Arayya explained, clamping a hand over Luffy's mouth as she saw him about to protest. "I told you it wasn't a happy story! Don't butt in."

The captain pouted but kept quiet, so she continued.

"The orphanage was not a kind place. Often there was not enough food or bedding to go around all the children and the older boys and girls would take what they wanted from the younger to survive. The girl would likely have died it that first year had she not had the luck of befriending an older boy," Arayya explained, shifting again. "The boy made sure she got her cut of food, kept her warm and clothed and in turn she loved him as a brother."

Luffy smiles at this, remembering his own childhood with his brothers. Arayya feels her heart pinch at his expression and carries on.

"A man came to the orphanage one day and showed interest in adopting the girl, now five years old - but she would not be separated from her brother. The man begrudgingly agreed to take both children, so together they left the orphanage behind and traveled with the man to their new home," Arayya pauses as she watches Luffy's grin, and debates reminding him that this is not a happy story. "When they arrived at their new home, a number of islands away from their places of birth, they were amazed to find a huge mansion with acres of ground to play in. The man promised they would have time to explore the grounds of the estate later, that first they must go to their rooms. The two children did not realise that they would not be allowed outside again for many years."

"Why wouldn't they be allowed outside if there was all this space?" Luffy asks, puzzled. She ignores him.

"It becomes clear to the girl and boy very quickly that the man did not want children, but soldiers. They find out that they are not the only children residing in the mansion, that there are at least twenty other kids there, all of them orphans, all children that would not be missed if something happened to them," Arayya says, and she tries very hard to keep the bitterness from her voice. "What follows in the next few years for the two children is constant training, daily sessions to hone their killing skills. The man shaves their hair and tattoos the children at the base of their skulls. The girl receives the tattoo of zero-three-nine. The boy receives zero-four-zero. They undergo experiments and surgeries to enhance their minds and bodies. The strengthening of their bones by bonding them with metal, their muscles, their ability to heal, their metabolism, their strength, their stamina, their hearing... their eyesight."

The smile has slipped off of Luffy's face. Arayya debates stopping. He gets it now, he doesnt need to hear the rest but she hasn't told this story to anyone ever before, and she isn't sure she can stop.

"They took her eyes, Luffy." Arayya says quietly, bringing a hand up to touch the scar just below her left eye. She knows that if he looks he will see the implants, the metal that runs through her body and stained her eyes silver.

Luffy wiggles closer, leaning against for comfort her but keeping quiet. Arayya carries on.

"The scientists didn't care about the pain they caused the children, often they preformed their experiments without the use of anesthesia, and they layered scars upon scars until there was no hope of healing. Many of the other children went mad from the torture - but not the girl and the boy. They stayed together and he told her stories to distract her when the pain became too much. Grand tales of the adventures they would have when they were free. She fell in love with those stories. They became her lifeline, her escape. She dreamed of them, day and night and the thought of that freedom."

"And they did get free, didn't they?" Luffy asks, quietly now. The sun has set completely now, bathing them in darkness broken only by the sporadic lights on the deck of the ship.

"In a way, I suppose. When the girl was fourteen there was an... incident. The cells they were housed in malfunctioned and all the children got out, even the crazy ones," Arayya explained. "It was carnage. A bloodbath. You can't train people to be killers against their will and then not expect them to turn on you at the first chance they get. But the boy and the girl weren't interested in revenge, they just wanted to get out. And they tried, but there were guards to fight, the scientists, the man, the other children and both of them got injured."

"But they were okay?" Luffy asks, a sort of desperation creeping into his voice. He doesnt like this story at all.

"The boy told the girl to go, to get as far away as possible and that he would find her as soon as he made sure no one followed them. She didn't want to leave him, but he had never lied to her before and she was so scared at being put back in the cage," Arayya says, running a hand down her face. "So she ran. She ran for days, she swam, then ran some more, always with the thought in the back of her mind that he would find her. But he never did. How could he?"

Arayya shakes her head. "The girl has never forgiven herself for leaving him. The first person to ever truly care for her. To love her, just for who she was. She knows that she should have been the one to stay behind. She has lived with that for many years, along with the guilt that - if she hadn't been so insistent on not being separated from her brother at the orphanage - he would have never suffered in the first place."

They sit in silence for a long time, Luffys hand finding hers, their fingers twining together.

"What was her brothers name? Luffy asks into the quiet.

Arayya sighs, and says a name she hasn't spoken in almost as long as the one she was given at birth.

"His name was Taran."

#one piece #op headcanons #one piece head canon #one piece own character #luffy #arayya #wilder arayya #arayya one piece #own character

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h3llostrang3r · 5 years

Text

A Lifetime to Remember

Perfect Match

Pairing: Dames x Mc Summary: One-Shot.Melina Park is searching for Dames. Word Count: 3,800 Warnings: Language,Sexual content implied(I don’t think it’s anything more explicit than what you would find in a Choices 30 diamond scene.) Notes: I miss Dames. I still haven’t forgiven PB. I give them all my monies and they couldn’t give me Dames during the finale.

Do you ever have the feeling that someone is watching you? You know, when you get those urges to look over your shoulder even though no one has called out your name. Did you really see something out of the corner of your eye or was your mind playing tricks? Or when you suddenly look up from whatever you were concentrating on because you could just feel a pair of eyes locked on to you. Like you can just feel the heat from their body and it sends a thrilling chill right through you? I have been feeling this more and more every day for the past few months.

Maybe I’m paranoid. Maybe it’s wishful thinking. But it feels so incredibly real to me.

I’ve spent countless hours online searching for him…

Keegan hasn’t spoken to me since we took down Rowan and Cecile. She won’t give me any information on what happened to him. I’ve reached out to her and those I’ve found connected to her, but nothing. I don’t know why she’s ignoring me, I proved myself to her before - that I’m on her and all the matches side.

No signs of him and no body found. What the hell is that supposed to mean? I can’t think the worst. I refuse. I know he’s stronger than that. I need to know if Keegan or someone was able to fix his programing, he could have lost so much of what he had by now. He has to be out there somewhere …

That’s why I have spent so much of my down time online. Throwing myself out there. My online alias spreading like wildfire, ThePurpleHairPark. I’m in chat rooms, forums, social media outlets - there’s always someone watching,reading,lurking from behind their screen. The world knows about the matches and there are so many out there helping them. So there has to be someone that has seen him. All I need is one person to point me in the right direction. Or he can come find me. I know he knows how to. Or at least his past memories would.

Can anyone help me? Actually help me? The conspiracies, the theories, they’re insightful, but I need something more.

Where are you, Dames?

Please. I need you …

Melina sits back in her chair staring at the screen. She sighs heavily before she deletes the plead and publishes her newest post to her open forum. Her purple hair slightly covers her face as she hangs her head low. Some strand clinging to her cheeks as tears start to roll down her face. After a deep breath she wipes the tears and gets up to refill on her iced tea.

Melina was at the coffee shop close by to her apartment almost every day. Always getting looks from the customers coming in and out of the shop. She was never quite sure what they thought of her and her laptop sitting in her favorite spot by the window. She didn’t really care, she just wanted to make sure that she could be seen. Her goal was to be seen by him, by Dames.

As Melina stood in line, she checked her phone. No missed calls or texts from Damien. He had been so busy with work since they saved the President, she was thrilled that Damien’s business was booming, but it made it harder for them to make time for each other. They didn’t mind their low-key nights in just them, some takeout (Melina’s cooking still not improving, whoops) and a movie while snuggling on the couch. Yet, with Damien’s ever growing case files he would often come home, grab a snack and head straight to bed. Damien was still supportive of Melina spending time with Hayden, but even she seemed to be too busy for Melina lately.

Melina orders her iced tea - which is on the house, her friend Lily is now working at the register. Lily gives her a wink and flashes her a smile as she shoos Melina along. Melina mouths a, “thank you” as goes to wait for her drink.

Melina never minded being alone and single. There was always something to do, always a way to entertain herself or keep busy until she heard from one of her friends. So why was it now, when she had two loves in her life she felt most lonely? Even Nadia found time to be with Steve and his… abs. Luckily, her cousin would always make time for her at least once a week. But ever since they came out from hiding from Eros’ radar , life never went back to being carefree for Melina.

Her heart had been so full from being loved without judgement from two amazing people in her life, but now that love - where did it go? Had she expected too much? Was it unreasonable of her to want to see them more than 2 or 3 times a week? Melina’s mind often drifted to Dames when she was alone. There was still that spot in her heart reserved just for him. Which often ached at the thought of him, not knowing where he was or if he was even okay.

She had to find him. She needed the answer. Even if he didn’t want to see her again or even want to be with her, she just wanted him to be okay.

Her name is called and she grabs her rather large drink and heads back to her spot. She stares at her computer a few moments - and there. That feeling. Her face grows warm, her heart begins to beat a little faster, the hairs on the back of her neck stand at attention. Her eyes look up from under her long eyelashes - slowly scanning the faces in front of her, nothing. She slowly turns her head to the left, no one looking at her. Her back is against a wall so it definitely was not coming from behind. Melina bites her lip as she returns her gaze back to her computer. No, no, that feeling is still there.

She froze - too scared to turn her head again. Move your damn head, Melina. Do it. She ordered herself internally. Did her body know something her mind didn’t? She blinked and a tear began to fall. Exhale, Melina - slowly she let out the breath she was holding. Her body relaxed and she allowed herself to look to her right, out the window she always had to sit by.

There he was across the street, just staring at her with his hands in his pockets and a sad look on his face. That creep, that handsome fucking creep.

“Dames…” she breathlessly says out loud. Her eyes grow wide, she has to hurry or she’ll miss him. RUN she screams in her head, RUN MELINA. She scrambles out of her seat, almost knocking her laptop off the table, but she doesn’t care. Her feet threaten to trip over each other, but she corrects herself. She pushes the coffee shop door open hard and fast, if there was someone about to get hit there was no way she was going to notice. She looks across the street again, he’s not there.

No. Fuck this noise. He’s not getting away without saying a word to me.

Melina’s feet take her to the busy New York street. Her first few steps are in the clear. “Dames” she cries out with every ounce of her heart and soul. “Dames, please.” Her next few steps just miss a car passing by. Her head is spinning, the cars honking in the background seem so far away. The yelling from the other pedestrians not even registering. Her feet stay planted in the street as she frantically looks as to which direction he could have gone.

The honking becomes louder and louder, her ears now pounding. That’s when she looks to her right and coming straight for her is a yellow taxi. Time starts to slow, her breath catches - she can’t move, she wants to scream. Then the feeling, when you can feel the heat of their body against yours. Except this time - it’s real. Her focus goes to him, but is blurred in a flash.

Dames grabs her at incredible speed and throws them both safely to the sidewalk. He envelopes her in his strong arms and shields her from the fall on to the hard concrete. Her legs sting, but that pain is far away from her mind. He holds her for a long time, her face nuzzled in his chest. Her arms tucked between their bodies, her hands gripping for dear life onto his jacket. She inhales his scent, that mix of cologne and rum that reminds her of that blissful night in Paris. In his arms felt so right, she could melt into his touch and not move for hours - but she could live without the dirty sidewalk.

“Dames…” She manages to whisper, “I thought I lost you.” Her body trembles in his arms as the reality hits her. He is here, he is real, he is alive. She lifts her head from it’s safe space. Oh what she would give to kiss along that jaw and to his mouth. To sink into his lips and wrap her arms around him and never let go.

“Melina what the hell were you thinking?” His face so close to hers, his eyes filled with concern. He brings his hand up to her face to brush back her hair and it lingers as he cups her jaw. Did he dare move his face any closer? Threatening to crash his lips against hers and tangle his hands in her hair, bringing her closer to him and never leave her again.

Before she can answer they are being helped up by onlookers. Her gaze doesn’t move from him, she’s not losing him again. She thanks them and brushes them off as she moves closer to him - if he tries to run she thinks she can be quick enough to grab him by the jacket.

“Please, Dames. Just come to my apartment. Y-you don’t have to s-stay. I …” She drops her head for a moment as she lets out a deep sigh. Looking into his eyes - God, is this real? Is he really in front of me? She says, “I just want to know you’re okay. Our last talk to each other, that wasn’t fair - it wasn’t right. That’s not how things were suppo-”

“Melina…” The way he said her name made her heart skip a beat. “I’ll come with you. We can talk, I promise.” She nodded her head, still in disbelief. Instinctively, her hand intertwined with his. “Do you want to grab your laptop?” He asked as he motioned to the coffee shop.

“I’m not crossing that street again, today. I’ll text Lily to hang on to it for me.”

The walk back to Melina’s apartment was silent, apart from the noise from the city, but it didn’t phase either of them. Absentmindedly their thumbs would graze one anothers - fingers still laced together. When they reached her apartment Melina led the way, giving her hips an extra sway for him as they climbed the stairs. She wanted him to watch, and she knew he would. It took her a moment to fetch her keys from her crossbody purse and unlock her door, the adrenaline was kicking in again. This is a part of her life Dames hasn’t experienced first hand. This moment would be intimate one for both of them.

They made their way inside, Dames moved towards her living room, taking it all in. With her eyes closed, Melina slowly closed the door imagining Dames moving closer to her. His hands on either side of the door frame, closing in on her. His chest pressed against her back, his pelvis against her backside, and his lips hovering so close to her ear. She would turn around to face him and that’s when he would press her hard against the door, his lips kissing hers and his hands gripping her hips as hers would tug on his collar.

“This is a really nice place, Melina.” Dames says, snapping Melina out of her thoughts.

“Ya, thanks. Over here is the kitchen… Where I keep the rum. I need a shot, do you want a shot?” Her heart is beating so fast, her hands begin to shake. She makes her way to the cupboards and pulls out two shot glasses and his favorite rum. He sits on a barstool on the other side of her counter, one elbow propped up.

“Melina, are you alright?” His voice is filled with concern as he watches her move quickly.

“Mmhmm. I just, need to calm my nerves. It’s been so long and it’s all happening so fast.” She pours the shots and slides one over to him. He takes his and stares at it for a moment before he returns his attention to her. She raises her glass to him before throwing back the shot. He quietly lets out a sigh, then follows suit. She’s already pouring herself another round and is quick to refill his. The second shot burns her throat, but seems to do its job as it settles her down. She looks into his eyes and she can see the pain in his eyes. The pain he’s been feeling since Paris, since they left him behind in Tokyo to fight Cecile and all those matches. Her breath hitches when he takes her hand into his.

“C’mon, let’s go sit down. Okay?” He says as he leads her from the kitchen to the couch in her living room.

They settle onto the couch, space between them, but their knees slightly brush against the other as they face each other. Her arms are crossed against her body, gently tucked beneath her heaving chest. His hands are placed on his thighs, rubbing back and forth - not sure how he should proceed.

“Dames, where the hell have you been?” Melina breaks the silence, he can hear the hurt in her voice. “I have been endlessly searching for you, hoping and praying that you were alive and until today I’ve had no fucking luck.” The tears start to form in her eyes and her voices begins to shake. “Why now? I know you’ve been in contact with Keegan. Why have you been avoiding me when you know how to get a hold of me? Why? Why?” The tears fall and her cheeks are wet, she can’t wipe them away fast enough. They just won’t stop.

He hates to see her like this, it hurts him to see her cry. He wants to just wrap her in his arms again and bury his face into her hair. He wants to make her pain end, but he’s the one who did this to her - it’s his fault. It’s all his fucking fault. Fuck it, he thinks as he reaches for her and wraps her into a hug. He gently rocks her and she cries even harder. He whispers “I’m sorry” over and over into her ear. It’s not enough, she deserves more than just his words, even if he means it with every ounce of his fabricated heart and soul. “I’m so fucking sorry, Melina.” He says before she pulls back.

She wants him to look her in the eyes when he tells her why. Why he hid from her all this time without one single word, even if those words were “fuck off”, but he didn’t even give her that.

“Melina, I’m so sorry. I was a coward. I was scared to come back to you when I knew my time was coming end. Knowing I only had months to retain all my past memories and feelings. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t bring myself to be near you and lose you all over again.” Melina couldn’t believe what ehe was hearing. He didn’t even attempt to let them try -

“I eventually came into contact with Kaahn. I didn’t know if he could help me, but I couldn’t let Cecile and Rowan win. I couldn’t go down without some sort of fighting chance.” He sighed as he took Melina’s hands into his. They were so much smaller, and they were so soft. He loved how such a simple touch from her brought such warmth to him.

Her eyes grew wide, fucking Kaahn talked to Dames and he didn’t say a word?When Dames took her hands and it relaxed her for a moment, but she was still in shock. Who the hell did Kaahn think he was? “He attempted to fix my programming. Today is the last day before the original’s program was set to erase everything. Unfortunately, Kaahn doesn’t know if his override will work. I’m scheduled to… ‘reset’ if you will, at midnight. It won’t be until I wake up will I know if it worked. ”

Her world was flipping upside down. Her head was spinning, her heart was breaking, what was she supposed to do with this information? She finally had Dames back, but tonight he could be gone all over again. This wasn’t fair , Dames didn’t deserve any of this. He brushed her hair from her face, he wanted to comfort her as best as he could. He had already accepted what might happen to him, but this was all so much for Melina. He didn’t want her to have to endure all this. This wasn’t something she needed to worry about, she didn’t need to fuss over him.

“Stay with me.” Her eyes pleaded, her lips slightly parted in anticipation of his answer. “I know you wanted me to see you today. I know you weren’t expecting me to run like a mad woman into traffic, but …” she licked her lips and Dames let out a soft groan at the sight. “Please, stay. You’re finally here and I don’t think I can let you go.”

“What about Damien?” He questioned, his feelings for Melina meant the world to him, but he could never come between her and the person who he had to thank and curse for all these wonderful feelings.

She shook her head and said, “He’s surprisingly very open to me having intimate feelings for others. I don’t think you would be an exception. And it’s not about Damien right now. It’s about me and you right now, and right now I want to spend what could be last moments in your arms… if you want that too.”

That was all he needed to hear. He slowly closed the space between them, Melina’s sweet scent filling his senses, making his head swim. His lips found hers, they tasted like rum with a hint of peach from her iced tea that she had been drinking earlier. Her moan sent a tingle through his body. He needed more of her, but he was worried of what would come in the morning. Dames broke away from the kiss and asked, “Melina, are you okay with keeping it light? I want to be with you so badly, but it’s not fair to you if I won’t have any memories in the morning. I …” Dames hung his head low, scared to meet his gaze with hers. Her warm hands cupped his face and she lifted his chin until he finally looked her in the eyes.

“I am perfectly fine with being held in your arms all night long, but don’t stop kissing me.” Dames stood up and brought Melina to her feet and embraced her in a hug. He lifted her up and she hooked her legs around his waist holding on to him like she would never let go, burying her face in his neck. He led them to the bedroom where they laid in bed all night intertwined. Both Melina and Dames fighting the urge to fall asleep. Their eyelids heavy, but their lips still finding each other. Both whispering each others names on their skin, and their lips. They both succumbed to sleep, the mental exhaustion too much for them to bear any longer.

When Melina wakes up she’s not sure what time it is. She can feel the warmth of the sun peeking through her curtains. Her face is still buried in Dames chest, her new favorite place to rest her head. She’s afraid to move, not knowing what will happen if she wakes him up. Will it be him? Will he remember her and the enchanting night they just had. Just him and her wrapped in each other, never letting go. She wants to cry, the anticipation driving her mad, she didn’t want this to end. She didn’t want to lose Dames again.

Moments passed and finally, he began to stir. She held her breath, this was it, the moment of truth. What would she even say if he didn’t recognize her - she guessed she could call Kaahn or Keegan and they would know what to do. Fuck. Why did it have to be this way? Why did this even have to be a thought?

She felt pressure on the top of her head. Was that? Was that a kiss? Another, and another on her temple. She couldn’t move, does he remember?

“Melina.” He whispers in her vibrant purple locks. She looks up, and he’s smiling the brightest smile she’s ever seen. He’s beautiful, he’s perfect, he’s ….

“I remember. Everything.” He can’t stop smiling, his head clear of the fog that was his limited programing. Lifetime upon lifetime worth of memory just waiting to be stored. Kaahn did it.

“Stay with me.” Her voice gentle, she didn’t ask, she wanted him to know she wanted him.

“As long as you want me, I will always be here for you, Melina.” His lips found hers over and over again. They trailed along her jaw and down her neck. She moaned his name and begged for more. Piece by piece their clothes made their way to her bedroom floor. His groans grew louder the lower his kisses wandered. Her skin was soft, she was so beautiful and her taste was like ecstasy on his tongue. Melina’s moans drove him to please her harder and harder until she was trembling against his mouth.

“I want all of you, Dames. Please. I need you..” She begged between her panting breaths.

Dames kissed Melina ever so gently as he made his way between her legs. Their moans mingling as they moved against one another. Melina savored the pressure of Dames’ muscular body on top of her’s. She held him close, not wanting to let go. He was finally back in her life and to stay this time.

Dames is here, he is real, Dames is alive.

#perfect match #dames x mc #playchoices #30 diamond scene #long post #h3llostrang3r writes

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