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country-clubs-gf · 3 years

Note

Would you mind doing a Paul Lahote or Embry Call x plus size reader imagine? If you have the time, I mean?

Of course!! I will do your request with Embry because he’s such a sweetie and I feel like he fits this request best!

~~~

Unconditionally- An Embry Call Imagine

~~~

You couldn’t believe it.

You couldn’t believe a guy like Embry could love you the way that he says he does. You felt you weren’t deserving of that kind of love.

In the beginning of your relationship with him, you struggled with that a lot. You tried to push back the negative thoughts, but it got tough.

You knew you weren’t super skinny like a lot of other girls. You had curves and thick thighs, and sometimes you felt insecure when looking at all the models on tv and social media.

As the relationship went on, you grew more confident and comfortable in your own skin. Embry made you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, and you began to believe it yourself. You were forever grateful to him for that. You came to love yourself, and you were changed for the better.

However, even with that newfound confidence, you struggled to let him in completely, the way one should when in a serious relationship like you two were, and you could tell it frustrated Embry sometimes. But you couldn’t help it. Sometimes the insecurities you had before your relationship came back from time to time.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered in your ear, his arms sneaking around your waist, hugging your curves as you stared at your reflection in the mirror. He kissed your neck lovingly.

You wriggle out his grasp and sigh, walking away from him, suddenly feeling those insecurities slip back up.

“Why won’t you believe me?” You hear him ask behind you. The hurt in his voice is heartbreaking, so you force yourself to turn around and look him in the eye.

“Please, just don’t,” you tell him. He shakes his head.

“No, I just wish you could see what I see. I wish you thought you were beautiful, too. You are absolutely stunning to me, and it’s not just me who thinks that either. Believe me,” he tells you.

“I have to go,” you tell him. You can see the confusion in his eyes when he hears that.

“What? Why? You just got here an hour ago,” he says.

“I just have to go,” you repeat. He hesitantly steps closer to you, almost as if you’re a wounded animal and he’s unsure of your reaction.

“Please don’t go. Talk to me. I’m trying to understand you, trying to tear down some of your walls, but it’s almost impossible. You make it impossible. Why won’t you let me in the way I let you in?” He questions, and you can hear the concern and sincerity in his voice.

You’ve always thought Embry was too good for you. From his chiseled jawline and prominent cheekbones and fit physique, you thought he was simply perfect. You never understood why he picked you when he could have anyone.

“You just don’t get it. You never will, so why do you try? I love you, I really do, I just struggle sometimes. I need you to be patient with me,” you tell him.

“Be patient with you? I’ve been patient this whole time. It’s been almost a year, (Y/N), and you still haven’t fully let me in! Don’t you trust me?” He asks, hurt filling his eyes.

“Of course I trust you!” You yell at him in an attempt to make him believe you.

You trust Embry with every cell in your body. He’s never given you a reason not to. So to hear him questioning that trust is concerning to you.

“Then why have we been stuck in this position for the past 11 months? I can only take so much, (Y/N). I’m starting to feel like you don’t feel the same way about me that I feel about you, and it’s killing me,” he reveals. At this point you feel as though he doesn’t want to do this anymore, which hurts you. But you don’t want him to see that.

So you say the only thing that won’t make you seem vulnerable and weak. “Then maybe we should take a break.” You blurt out, instantly regretting it.

The truth is, you don’t know how to fully let Embry in. You’ve never been in a relationship like this. In fact, you’ve never really been the type to date.

The last thing you want to do is push Embry away and risk losing him for good. But your relationship with him has been on the rocks lately and you feel that it’s in both of your best interest to take a moment to reflect on all of it.

You struggle to meet his eyes. His face dropped at your words and you felt a sharp pain in your heart at the sight of it.

“What?” His voice cracks as he speaks. He steps back from you a little, and you can tell he’s having a hard time taking all of this in.

“I just think our relationship hasn’t been what it used to be. We’ve been arguing a lot and it’s gotten hard. I think we both just need a few days to reflect on it. I am in no way breaking up with you, I just think we both need to clear our heads so we can come back to each other and get back to the way things were,” you tell him, hoping that will patch the situation up a bit.

“Is that really what you want? You want a break? (Y/N), couples argue. It’s normal, it’s not something to take a break over. We can fix this, you just need to let me in,” he finally says after a long pause.

“Embry, I’m still learning how to do that. Couples fight, but they don’t fight as much as we have been lately. I’m not saying I want a long break, I’m saying just a couple days to clear our minds. That’s all,” you shrug.

“Fine, but this isn’t what I wanted. Let yourself out,” he retorts and walks past you, bumping your shoulder on the way out.

Your eyes sting with tears as Embry slams the front door shut. You grab your keys and phone and walk out the front door.

Before you get in your car, you look around to see where Embry went. You spot him running towards the woods in full speed, seemingly desperate to get away from you.

You sigh and get in your car and drive away. The whole drive home you questioned if you made the right decision for your relationship. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. You just needed some time to allow yourself to let Embry in without him getting frustrated that you aren’t doing that already.

He had been really patient with you thus far, and you considered yourself lucky that he was. But you can’t help but worry that his patience is growing thin.

You wondered if your relationship was strong enough to endure this hardship you two were facing.

~~~

Two weeks.

It had been two weeks since you’d last heard from Embry and you were worried sick. You’d called him, texted him, left voicemails. Nothing.

He even stopped coming to school. Everyday you would look at the empty seat he used to claim in first period, wishing he would miraculously show up there. You’d glance at his locker in the hallway, checking to see if he was only skipping the class he had with you. But he was never there.

People started asking you where he was and if he was coming back. You hated it because it was a constant reminder that you might’ve lost him for good.

This wasn’t like him. He never ignored you like this. He never even missed a class. You were beginning to wonder if you took it too far by asking for a small break. You worried you’d never see him again. It was like he disappeared.

A life without Embry was unimaginable.

You never intended for this to happen. So you decided to do something about it.

You called Jacob Black, a close friend of both you and Embry. Jacob actually introduced you to Embry. Seeing as he was both of y’all’s mutual friend, it made sense.

You thought maybe he would know what was going on with Embry.

After the third ring, he answered the phone. “(Y/N)? What’s up?”

“Hey, Jake, are you busy? I really need to talk to you about something.” I told him.

“No, I’m just in the shop working on a bike for Bella. Come on over,” he said.

After about twenty minutes of driving, you pulled into Jacob’s driveway. You made your way into the shop where you were relieved to find just Jacob. You weren’t the biggest fan of Bella after seeing what she was doing to Jacob, so you were really hoping she wouldn’t be here.

He looked up when he heard your footsteps on the gravel. “Hey, (Y/N)!” He stopped what he was doing and stood up, a smile beaming on his face as he made his way over to you and gave you one of his warm hugs.

“Hey, Jacob. Thanks for having me over,” you tell him.

“You’re always welcome here. You don’t even have to ask! So what did you need to talk to me about?” He asks.

You sigh heavily, thinking about everything that’s happened the past couple weeks.

“Have you heard from Embry at all?” You questioned, nervous for his response. If he had heard from Embry, that meant Embry was just ignoring you. The mere thought of that scared you.

He shakes his head. “No I haven’t. I’ve texted him a few times but he never answered. I figured he was just busy with you, until I noticed he stopped showing up at school, too. Are you two alright?” He asks.

You’re relieved at his response, but not completely relieved. What if something bad happened to him?

“Well, I thought we were. I felt guilty because I’ve always had a problem with letting people completely in and I could tell he was getting frustrated, so I told him I just wanted a break for a couple days to clear our heads and he got mad and stormed out. I haven’t heard from him since. It’s been two weeks, Jacob. I’m really worried.” You reveal, biting your lip anxiously.

Jacob sighs, running his fingers through his long hair.

“Well I can see why you’d be worried. I’m worried, too. This is really not like him,” he says.

“Yes, I know that. I don’t know what to do next,” you sigh.

“Wanna figure that out while you ride with me to get some more parts for the bike?” He asks.

“Sure, we can do that,” you agree.

“Great, let’s go then,” he says. You both hop in your car and start down the road.

“So you’re helping Bella with those bikes? Seems like you’re the one doing all the work,” you say to him.

He looks at you and scoffs. “Yeah, well she doesn’t know much about the mechanics of bikes, okay? Plus I don’t mind the company,” he tells me, a smirk growing on his face.

You shake your head at his cheesiness. “You’re too good for her, Jacob. Just don’t get too blinded by that girl. What do you see in her anyway?” You pry.

“I’m not getting blinded, (Y/N). And it’s hard to explain. You don’t know her like I do.” He tells you.

Just then you spot four boys on the big cliff that’s visible from the main road. You quickly pull over once you see one of them get pushed off by the other three.

“Oh my God, did you see that?!” You ask Jacob, hurriedly unbuckling your seatbelt and getting out of the car.

Jacob starts laughing and you give him a confused look.

“They’re not hurting him, (Y/N), they’re cliffdiving. It’s a total rush. Most of us do it from further down, but we leave the showing off to Sam and his disciples,” he answers.

“What? That’s crazy. Do you know who all is over there?” You ask, moving closer to the edge of the road so you can see better.

“Well I know Jared and Paul started following Sam, but I don’t recognize that other guy. Hold on, let me see,” he moves closer and squints, trying to see their faces better.

You look, too, and then quickly recognize the figure you know all too well, even from this far away.

“Embry.” You breathe.

At first you were happy and relieved to see that he was okay. But then the anger and confusion set in. Why was he skipping school to hangout with these random guys? Why wasn’t he answering your calls? You made it very clearly you didn’t want to break up.

And here he is cliffdiving with some guys he barely knows. Who is this person? Embry would never skip school to do reckless things like this.

At least not the Embry you knew...

You were beginning to think you didn’t know him anymore.

“Yea, that is him, isn’t it?” Jacob looks like he can’t believe it either. He turns to looks at you with pity in his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

You just stand there, taking in the scene in front of you, still not believing your eyes.

You couldn’t believe he seemed to be perfectly fine and having fun while you’d been moping in your room, unable to think about anything else.

You watch as Embry gracefully dives off the cliff and lands in the water. You shake your head and trudge back over to your car.

“Let’s go,” you tell Jacob sternly, wanting to get away from there.

He gets in the car and you drive off, the image of Embry and his seemingly new lifestyle burning in your mind.

~~~

You drop Jacob back off at his shop a couple hours later.

“Thanks for taking me. I’m sorry about Embry. I hope you two are able to work things out,” Jacob tells me, sincerity in his eyes.

“Thanks, Jake. And thank you for taking my mind off things for a little while. It was nice,” I tell him. He smiles his big smile and hugs me.

“Anytime. Drive safe, (Y/N).” He tells me and gets out of the car.

I drive off, debating whether or not I just go home or go to Embry’s and demand answers. He owes you that much, right? After almost a year of being together, you’d think you were worth an explanation, right?

You decide once and for all to just go to Embry’s. You were tired of wondering.

As soon as you pull into his driveway, you get out and practically run to the door. You knock, hoping it’s Embry that opens the door.

The door opens to reveal Embry. His hair is still wet from jumping off the cliff, he’s shirtless and his hair is much shorter than it was last time you saw him.

You look up and meet his eyes. Those familiar brown eyes that you love getting lost in so much.

Only, the second your eyes meet, he freezes. He steps back a little and grabs his chest, his eyes widening, seeming to be overwhelmed by the sight of you.

He’s not the only one. You’re so overwhelmed by all the emotions racing through you. You’re so mad at him for ignoring you and just seeing him brings back everything you’ve ever felt for him. You don’t know where to begin.

“I-I uh,” you start, but can’t seem to find the words to say. He doesn’t seem to be able to either because he is still standing there clutching his chest.

You finally find the courage to tell him what you’re really thinking.

“Where have you been?! Why haven’t I heard from you in two weeks? Do you not want to be with me anymore? Why are you suddenly hanging out with Sam and his cult??” You yell all of this at him in one breath, letting your anger and frustration take you over.

His eyes widen even more, if that was even possible, and he looks like his breath got knocked right out of him.

You don’t have any patience anymore, so you continue,” answer me, Embry!”

“I-I, um, I couldn’t talk to you before,” he finally blurts out.

This confused you even more. “You couldn’t talk to me? Or you just didn’t want to?” You question further.

“I couldn’t, it was Sam’s orders. But now I can tell you! Now this is going to sound absolutely crazy and you might not believe me but it’s the truth. I’m a werewolf and Sam is the alpha so we have to obey his orders,” he tells you. His eyes search yours for any sign of understanding.

“You’re what?” You ask, not expecting that to come out of his mouth.

“Yes, and that’s not all. You might want to sit down for this part,” he says, leading you to the swing that’s on the front porch.

You both sit down and you turn your body towards his, eager for an explanation to the madness he was telling you.

“I, um, I sort of imprinted on you, just now. It happens when we make eye contact with our soulmates for the first time after we phase. I know we’ve had our problems in the past but I really want to make this work. Actually, we have to make this work because now I know I’m meant to be with you,” he says, taking your hands in his.

You’re still stunned by everything he just said. He’s a werewolf? Sam is the alpha? Is that why he had to skip school? Is that why all the boys that follow Sam had to skip? You’re his soulmate? It’s all a lot to take in at once and it has left you speechless.

“I know you’re having a hard time letting me in completely, and I get that. I’m trying to be patient, but it’s hard when I see you in a completely different way than you do. I don’t want you to compare yourself to other girls because I love you. I love everything about you and your body and I just wish you did too. I will spend the rest of my life trying to get you to see yourself the way that I do. You’re beautiful, (Y/N). Your curves are one of my favorite things about you. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Please forgive me for growing impatient and seemingly ditching you. I promise not a second passed that I didn’t want to run to you with open arms.” He says, and at this point you’re crying.

You’re crying because the love you feel for him is overwhelming. You’re crying because you’re so happy that you two are working out. You can’t imagine life without him and the last few weeks have been pure hell.

“Of course I forgive you, how could I not? Somehow you’ve managed to always make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. And now I believe I am, too. I don’t want to live in this world without you. I love you, Embry,” you tell him and wrap your arms around his neck. He kisses the side of your head and hugs you as hard as he can.

He looks you in the eyes and says,” I love you too, unconditionally.”

~~~

Y’all this was so cheesy, and super long! I guess I get carried away when I write!

*Side note: I just want y’all to know that plus size people should NOT feel bad about themselves because every body type is beautiful. I am in no way trying to offend anyone in this imagine. This is just how I interpreted the imagine going.

Anyway it feels so good to get back to writing again. Requests are open!

#embry call #twilight imagines #twilight wolves #twilight #jacob black #jared cameron #billy black #leah clearwater #couple #paul lahote #love #quil #werewolves #la push #wolf pack imagines #twilight wolf pack

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imjeralee · 4 years

Text

Comfort in Despair: Chapter 7 - Galar’s National Treasure

Leon x F!Reader

Disclaimer: Do not own Pokemon

Summary:

Galar is rich in folklore and tales of the supernatural.

As a Pokemon Researcher who specialises in ghost types, this is a great opportunity for you to investigate and learn more about the paranormal.

Along the way, you meet Leon (in the most awkward way possible) who becomes embroiled in your adventures.

^ Basically this story is about ghosts :/

Rating: General/Teen

Galar’s National Treasure

(aka 'Like A Normal Person')

...

[Snippet about Leon from Galar Daily Times: Selfless, humble and kind, Leon has swiftly become Galar’s National Treasure in a short period of time.

He has captured the hearts of all the women of Galar. As one fan states, "It's impossible to look at him without smiling."]

...

The ring of your alarm forces you to wake up and you are in a questionable mood following yesterday’s events.

It’s the afternoon and usually you wouldn’t wake up so early but you have to try and visit Leon before the end of the day and so you push yourself off the mattress, groaning loudly.

You perform several mild stretches in bed before you slide off to stand. You’ve woken at an unnatural hour. You are unused to this. You like light but hell, this light is blinding…you can’t help but hiss with distaste under your breath.

And downstairs, you can hear the muffled sounds of the TV.

You get dressed, head to the bathroom to wash up, remembering that you are also supposed to return Leon's snapback if possible.

Visiting hours officially ends at seven pm which you think is generous so when you return to the room, you pack your bag with his hat and some other essentials should you decide to pull another all-nighter in the Wild Area. You highly doubt you will considering how exhausted you are and you head downstairs with bag in tow where you see Magnolia, Sonia, Cutiefly and Polteageist in the lounge watching the news.

Once they hear you come down, they rise from their seats and embrace you. As usual, Cutiefly dives for your hair and Poltea wraps his arms around your head.

“Are you alright, dear?” Magnolia asks, glancing up at you from behind her half-moon specs as your pokemon greet you affectionately.

“Yeah,” you murmur, rubbing your arm, before you notice a cheque on the table. Lifting it up, you see it’s addressed to you and it’s a large amount. Your eyes grow wide and you croak out, “What’s this??”

“Inspector Graves came by this morning and told us everything. That’s your reward for finding the missing gym challengers,” she murmurs as she lets go of you.

“I don’t need this. I didn’t do it for the money.”

“Oooh, can I have it then? I can go shopping with Nessa!” Sonia exclaims as she reaches for it, but Magnolia whacks her hand with the tip of her cane none too gently. “Ow…Gran!”

“Sonia.” Magnolia says sternly, shaking her head. Sonia pouts and cradles her hand to herself. Turning to you, Magnolia says, “I don’t want you to work on such dangerous cases from now on. Just leave it to the police, that’s why they’re here. Your mother wouldn’t want any harm to befall you and I promised to her I would keep you safe.”

“…Understood.”

“Good.”

Sonia glances between you and Magnolia and decides to return to sit on the couch silently, hugging Yamper to herself.

“Anyway, did you sleep well, dear?”

“Yes, professor.”

“We’re having roast today, I do hope you will join us.”

“Yeah, I will,” you reply, and Magnolia pats you on the shoulder; you will be joining them for lunch on this occasion, which is very rare.

She shoves her feet into her slippers and slowly leaves the lounge whilst you join Sonia on the couch with Yamper squashed between you and he scrambles into your lap.

“Gran can be scary, huh?” she whispers.

“She’s just worried,” you mutter, "How's your hand?"

"My hand is fine. How's your hand?"

"Still sore," you murmur as you glance at your bandaged palm, before you look at the cheque again. The money would be good to stock up on some supplies... “Sonnie, if you need anything, just let me know.”

“Hmm, well, I did see a very nice dress in the boutique the other day,” she mutters, “It’s okay, I don’t need it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright."

You avert your attention to the news, using your finger to stroke Cutiefly’s fuzzy body whilst Polteageist pours some tea for you into a cup he fished from the kitchen for you. Chairman Rose is on screen and standing in front of many microphones shoved in his face, providing a speech on the Giant’s Seat incidence. Despite the pressure he should be facing, he seems undisturbed.

“I am deeply saddened by the news and my heart goes out to the families and loved ones of the deceased,” he says, “However, the gym challenge will not be cancelled this year. The Pokemon League has roots dating back to the sixth century and is a beloved tradition of Galar….”

Rose goes mute following those words but his mouth keeps moving, indicating that he is still speaking and the news had decided to blot out his voice for some reason.

The clip abruptly ends and returns to the news reporter who briefly talks about the dead gym challengers being found in an unregistered pokemon den in the mountains of the Giant’s Seat then it shows their mourning family members and friends. Finally, an update on Leon’s status is provided; he is in stable condition and will make a full recovery.

The news then switches to a small group outside Rose Tower carrying posters and picket signs, protesting against the gym challenge. The group consists of middle-aged women and men. Mothers and fathers, you assume.

“We have Evan at the scene right now. Evan, how does it look?” says the reporter, and the screen changes to a skinny tall man holding a microphone in hand standing in front of the crowd.

“Thank you, Sarah, I’m standing in front of Rose Tower and as you can see behind me, there is a massive crowd of frustrated parents who want their voices to be heard. After Rose issued his statement earlier this morning…”

As the reporter drones on and on, Sonia sighs. “This is awful, I’ve never seen anything like this. I don’t think this has ever happened in the history of the Pokemon League.”

The reporter is now walking towards the crowd with the camera focused on him. He goes over to a random protestor and inches the microphone towards her, asking her to share some words.

The woman is livid. “Yeah, I got some words for you, Chairman Rose! You won’t call off the gym challenge? Then I’m gonna pull my son out! You’re not gonna get a single pokedollar from me!” bellows the woman. She is holding a sign that says ‘No to the Gym Challenge!’ and ‘Boycott Macro Cosmos!’. “We want safer measures introduced into the Wild Area! I’m not going to send my child to his death!”

“Oh dear,” Sonia adds as Yamper buries himself into her arms, “I wonder what this means for the future of the gym challenge.”

“Rose is pretty clear that the gym challenge isn’t going to be called off,” you reply. “It’s tradition.”

“Poor Leon, I hope he’s okay,” Sonia replies, hugging Yamper to herself tightly, “I mean, he is the Champion of Galar. He endorses the League more than anyone else.”

This is really negative press for the League, the worst, in fact. Cripes, you feel responsible for this. You hope Leon doesn’t lose his job or lose popularity or anything because of this incident…

“Sonnie, I’m going to visit him later, do you want to come with me?”

“No, it’s fine, I already went this morning. He was asking about you. He was asking me so many questions," she turns to you with a wide smile, "...Is there something going on between you two? He seemed awfully interested in you all of a sudden."

"No," you're quick to quip and Poltea pulls on your wrist, gesturing you to drink the tea he’s made for you which is growing cold.

It's a good way to get out of this conversation but Sonia doesn't look satisfied with your answer. Nevertheless, you lift the cup and down a sip. It’s perfect as expected and you smile at Polteageist, patting him on the head. He lets out a warble of affection and spins around in his teapot, before he lifts the teapot lid off the top of his head and begins dancing in mid-air with it. You and Sonia giggle at his actions.

You had once studied Polteageist, but nothing entirely fruitful really came from the investigation.

He was just...haunted tea.

The news moves onto an unenlightened article and you change to a channel showing a documentary about conspiracy theorists who believe the pokearth is actually flat until Magnolia calls you both for lunch and you leave the lounge to sit at the dining table to enjoy the meal. The three of you chat amiably though you do find your thoughts drifting to Leon often.

Once you finish, you help Magnolia wash up and Sonia scurries upstairs to the bedroom.

You check Rotom for any messages you received when you were asleep; Jace has messaged asking if you were alright and you reply, telling him you are fine and that you will return his belongings to him.

Graves has left a voicemail for you, informing you that he knows you have Froslass and you are to hand her over to the authorities when you have the time. You can feel your head hurting and you look at some other messages you have received. Some of the mothers of the dead gym challengers have also attempted to call and have left messages, thanking you for your work.

Next, you see that you have received a message from Leon and your heart skips a beat when you open it. It says:

Leon: Hi, this is Leon.

“Yes, I know it’s you, Leon,” you say aloud before you can stop yourself. You wonder if he’s going to say this each time he sends a message to you. There are also no smiley faces, no emojis in his messages. This must be Leon’s way of messaging. He must be keeping it professional at all times though you can’t help but think that he texts like an old man.

Leon: Will you be visiting me today?

You inhale the gasp that’s threatening to escape and type a reply.

You: hi leon! i was going to head over right now if ur free!

Wait a second, you sound too enthusiastic. Deciding to keep it neutral, you delete the exclamation marks and tidy the message up.

You: Hi Leon, I was going to head over right now if you are free.

You hit send and you’re stunned to see Leon is typing a reply, the top of the screen indicating that he has immediately gone online the moment you fired the response. However, Leon suddenly stops typing and then a few seconds later, your phone screen changes, indicating Leon is calling you.

"Holy Combee," you utter as you swipe the screen and put it to your ear, "...H-hello?"

"Hi, this is Leon."

"Hi, what's up?"

"Not much, I....I wanted to hear your voice."

"Oh," your face goes ten shades of red and you gulp. "H-how are you feeling?"

"I'm much better now. And yeah, I'm free."

"Great, I'll pop over now."

"Okay," he replies. You can hear him smiling.

"Bye, see you soon."

"Bye."

You both hang up. That was rather tense. Nevertheless, you will go visit Leon right now.

As you grab your bag, your phone goes off once more and you thought it’d be Leon again but it’s your haunted house client. He’s asking if he can speak to you earlier as he’s currently in Wedgehurst and you sigh. You haven’t said no to a client before and therefore you ask if he can come now despite the short notice and he says indeed he can.

You message Leon, telling him you will be at the hospital in an hour and he messages back with a simple ‘okay’.

“Oh my Arceus, are you and Leon text buddies?”

At the sound of Sonia’s voice, you emit a squeak of surprise and turn round to see Sonia standing behind you with a wide smile on her face. “EEP!! Sonnie! What are you doing???”

She giggles, leaning away from your shoulder and twirling her hair in her hands.

“Were you looking over my shoulder the entire time???”

“No. Well, yes, kind of. Sorry, I couldn’t resist! There is something going on between you!"

"No, there isn't..." you wail and as she giggles, your cheeks grow pink and you march away from her. “A-anyway, I don't have time for this; my client’s arriving in five minutes. I need to get ready.”

You hurry up the stairs to get dressed and your client arrives in a few minutes; you escort him to the conservatory where you recount your experience of the haunted house which seems to be such a long time ago, and he seems satisfied with the result.

He’s already paid you the initial consulting fee which was three thousand pokedollars and then you charge an hourly rate of five thousand dollars due to the nature of your work. You investigated for roughly five hours so he owes you a total of twenty five thousand.

When you see him pulling out his beaten-up wallet from his equally beaten-up bag and you see there's a Popplio along with faded, discoloured initials stitched on the cheap leather, you realise you're basically charging a thirteen year old kid a rather extortionate amount, the same price as ten Max Potions.

And so you feel bad for taking all his money when you remember that he had told you no-one believed him and that none of his friends or parents had pooled in for funds to ask for your help so your empathetic nature kicks in and you give him a discount of fifteen per cent.

The look on his face makes you smile as he leaves in high spirits to return to his gym challenger journey.

You also give him a good luck charm and tell him to stay away from abandoned houses from now on. He agrees and waves and you wave back.

It’s time to visit Leon so you leave the house shortly and take a Corviknight taxi to the hospital. During the ride, you read more signs on how to identify if a guy likes you ranging from playful teasing, talking about a future with you, opening up, putting his phone away when you’re around and then there are some that sound bizarre such as his pupils dilating in your presence.

You close the page, unsure what to think about these tips and you’re certainly trying not to overthink yet as the hospital looms into view, you find yourself growing rather anxious.

You enter the hospital and it’s a lot different during daylight. All the Lampents are gone and you hurriedly register your name down on the visitor’s sign-in book before the nurse allows you passage into the ward. You thank her and rush down the corridor, arriving at Leon’s designated room.

You take a deep breath as you stop at his door, adjust your clothing and ensure your hair is neat and tidy, then you nervously rap your knuckles over the surface and hear a jovial “Come in!” from inside.

At the invitation, you push down on the handle, open the door and peer inside.

You wonder if he would look injured or gravely ill but you’re pleasantly surprised to see Leon sitting in bed with the duvet pulled over his lap, grinning widely from ear to ear; he’s dressed in a white hospital gown with his long purple hair cascading freely down his shoulders and over his back and if it’s true, then he’s naked underneath.

…But that’s not something you should concern yourself with so you quickly brush away those thoughts and make your way towards him.

He’s holding a pink box of chocolates in hands and he’s surrounded by a bunch of ‘Get Well Soon’ cards, fruit baskets, metallic balloons and all sorts of other outlandish gifts. Interesting, so this must be how it feels to be popular and well-liked. You gape at the huge amount of boxes and once Leon’s gaze lands on your form, his eyes widen briefly before he hastily puts the box down, smooths his large hand over his untamed hair and turns to you with a somewhat awkward grin.

“H-hey, you’re here.”

He sounds nervous.

“Hi Leon,” you say as you enter the room, trying not to step on anything, “How are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

“Are you sure?”

He nods rigorously to convince you.

You’re not convinced though and as you walk closer to him, it’s then you notice his cheeks are a little pink. You don’t say anything to his demeanor and instead, glance at the stacks of gifts in his room.

“Oh, uh…these are presents from fans,” he replies, and Charizard, who is sitting in one corner of the room immediately rises from his spot and bounds towards you, huffing excitedly.

"Hey Charizard," you greet him happily as the flame Pokemon lunges at you and begins nuzzling your palms and rubbing his snout over you. Charizard buries his head underneath your hand and you have no choice but to pet him, then he begins licking your cheek and you start laughing whilst Leon stares with widened eyes. You've heard of puppy kisses so you guess this is Charizard kisses.

"I heard someone like belly rubs," you say when he stops licking you, before you begin raking your fingers over his yellow tummy. Charizard thumps his tail over the ground energetically and folds his wings properly before he sprawls over the floor, growling loudly as you continue rubbing his stomach. Looking up at Leon, you say, "He's like a big pupper, isn't he?"

"Yeah..." Leon replies, flashing you a smile.

Charizard rolls back upright and you give him an affectionate pat on his head before he nudges you closer to Leon. "Alright, alright..." you mutter as you're finally nudged all the way in front of the Champion and Charizard lets out a wheezy snort of content and returns to the corner, settling down to rest.

You give Leon an awkward smile and as you look around, you realise there are no chairs in the room and you’re not sure why but Leon says, “You can sit on the bed with me.”

“Okay."

With Leon’s permission, you carefully climb onto the bed and sit cross-legged in front of him over the blanket.

"You should've seen him, Leon. He was really worried for you but he was so brave," you say, glancing at Charizard as he curls up on his paws with his tail in the air.

Leon nods, grinning. "He did great."

"He did."

You both turn to each other with a smile and Charizard emits a huffing snort of glee, looking at you two with a toothy, all-knowing grin. Throwing your glance down, you see that Leon has a box of chocolates in hands and he lifts it up to you.

“Try one,” Leon says, and you choose a cute little heart-shaped chocolate before promptly popping it into your mouth. He watches you carefully as you eat. “What do you think?”

“It’s good.”

He grabs a chocolate and munches on it before he beams. Overall, you’re relieved to see that he is well despite the incident. “Have another one.”

With a nod, you pluck another chocolate out of the box and he does the same. You both eat the chocolates at the same time, looking at each other as you chew before you exchange a smile. Leon is sharing food with you…it’s identical to when you were camping with him…

“Let’s see here,” Leon gulps down the confectionary and scoops up the card that came with it, “This is a homemade recipe by… Leigh from Circhester. Thank you, Leigh from Circhester.”

Your grin widens as Leon puts the box down and turns to a pile of unopened letters in another corner. Love letters, most likely.

“I don’t think I have enough time to go through these,” he muses, “There’s so many.”

“Are these from your fangirls?”

His cheeks flush brilliantly. “Y-yeah, I guess….which is…which is really nice of them,” he remarks, stuttering slightly as he throws his gaze to the side.

You’re quite entertained if the reason he is so nervous could possibly be you but you’re not sure. You cannot see his eyes dilating that’s for sure, but he seems to be unable to look at you in the eye.

“Well, here’s my gift,” you say, before you pull out a small wooden carving with a red string looped around it from your bag. It has a weird shape, a bit on the oblong side and it’s carved with a grotesque-looking face but when you give it to Leon, he is fascinated as he balances it in his hands. “I made it myself. It will protect you from being spirited away. I also brought your hat,” you add as you open your bag and pull out his snapback.

“Great, I was wondering where it went,” he thanks you again as he accepts it from you and settles it neatly over the bedside table, “Thanks for the gift and thanks for coming to visit me. I was really hoping for you to come.”

“Of course. I had to see if you were okay.”

His face visibly flushes again and he clears his throat, finally swerving his glance up to you. He holds the gaze and you’re both staring at each other. Your heart thumps harder the moment your eyes meet.

You look away to pick up one of his letters; it’s pink and covered in love hearts. “Not subtle at all," you utter and you can feel his gaze on you but you are too nervous to look up.

“You can read one if you like,” he says.

“Nah, that would be an invasion of privacy,” you reply and you put it back down. You force yourself to look up and indeed, he’s been staring at you the entire time. Your cheeks feel hot now, the heat spreading uncontrollably to your ears and the back of your neck. “I-I guess you’re, uh…used to receiving so many gifts?”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t make it easier for me to accept them…It’s a bit too much sometimes. If I could send some back, I would.”

“Ohh, don’t be so modest. Everyone loves you, Leon. You’re Galar’s National Treasure.”

Your compliment takes him off guard and his cheeks grow pink again.

An awkward silence settles between you two until he asks, “Do you want to go through these together?”

You want this tense silence to go away so you nod and he picks up the next gift which is wrapped in pink wrapping paper with a matching ribbon and bow.

He brings the box to his ears and shakes it and there is no sound but when he opens it, he sees it is a set consisting of a mini pink hairbrush, a fake pink tiara, giant plastic pink hairclip, fake pink scissors and finally, a matching princess handheld mirror with fake jewels that is also a bright shade of neon pink.

“Ah….interesting,” he mutters, whilst you giggle in response. He pulls the brush out, revealing a little piece of folded paper underneath. Picking it up, he unfolds it and there are messy words written all over the place in pink crayon and he reads aloud, “To Leon, from Princess Natasha, aged five. I brush my dolls with these so you should brush your hair with them too. They’re very special to me so I want you to have them. PS. Please be my Prince.”

“That is so cute!” you can’t help but squeal and he chuckles as he places the box down. “May I?”

“Go ahead.”

You scoop the tiny brush, sit up properly in your spot and lean forwards. It could be the trick of the eye but you swear you see him stiffening slightly when he realizes you’re inching closer to him.

With brush in hand, Leon blinks blankly as you rake the bristles over his thick bangs until they become tame and Leon stares at you wide-eyed as you swipe the brush over the frames of his face and over the back of his head and his face flushes in response.

You finish the look by grabbing the hideous pink clip and brush some of his thick purple hair to the left and slide the clip over, pressing down until you hear it snapping shut. To your utmost surprise, it stays on.

Next, you grab the scissors and pretend you’re trimming his beard, humming cheerfully under your breath, but it does look like he has more stubble than usual. When you realise Leon is staring at you intently, you quickly put the toys back into the box and clear your throat. You got carried away…

You quickly pick up the mirror and show him his reflection. “There. Don’t you look ravishing?”

Leon stares at himself before he chuckles and you join in, laughing lightly until he removes the clip, looks at your direction and as he reaches forwards, you stiffen as he gently brushes fingers against the side of your cheek and over the side of your head, pushing a few strands and tucking them behind your ear.

Your cheeks grow warm as he clips the plastic atrocity in place and grins. “I think it suits you better.”

Your heart beats like crazy but you force yourself to laugh in response though it sounds like you were doing an impression of a honking Ducklett.

“About last night….thanks for saving me,” Leon says, and he’s staring rather intensely. "Chairman Rose knows what you did and he wants to thank you."

“I-it was nothing, but uh…did you watch the news?”

“Yeah, and I’ve to issue a statement in a few days but…” Leon leaves his sentence trailing, sighs and his gaze softens as he gives you a thin smile, “The Wild Area and the League will introduce safer measures. It’s a good thing and it will be a difficult time ahead, but I know we’ll be able to pull through. Even though Chairman Rose is having a tough time right now….and what happened to those gym challengers…As Champion of Galar, I can’t help but feel responsible for this but I want people to continue to believe in the gym challenge and be the best trainer they can possibly be.”

“Leon, it’s not your fault at all.”

He throws his glance to the side however, "I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to go on like that."

"It's okay. Remember I told you before? Whatever it is you're feeling, feel free to get it out of your system. I'm all ears."

Leon pauses, blinking at you in surprise before he utters, "Thanks."

"No problem."

"Do you mind if I ask you a few questions about last night?"

"Not at all, ask away."

"How exactly did you find me?"

"Well, I was doing my research on the case with the missing people from the Giant's Seat."

"I remember you telling me that. We deliberately stayed away."

You don't say anything to that because he still ended up there anyway and so you continue, "I was at the Research lab, looking at all the missing folk and trying to suss out a pattern...and figured it was a Froslass. Went home with Jace to talk about-"

"Who's Jace?"

"Just a friend," you reply and Leon suddenly has a rather undecipherable expression on his face, "Anyway, suddenly Charizard arrived outside my house in Wedgehurst and I got on his back and he flew all the way to the Giant's Seat where he lost you. I used a...um...well," you show him your bandaged palm, "I used an advanced divination technique to find you. You can ask Charizard for further details if you want."

Leon nods, a little perplexed. He's listening though, completely hooked in.

"I followed the trail all the way to this mountain, to this summit, and dropped into a Pokemon den and..." you leave your sentence trailing, inhaling a shaky breath, "....They were there. All the missing people. And then I found you."

A brief silence spawns following your response.

"If you're wondering what the stone is, it's an Odd Keystone."

He nods, hand under his chin, "I read about those."

"My mentor let me borrow it."

"Ezra, right?"

You look at him surprise. "You remembered...?"

"Yeah." Leon replies with a grin.

Your cheeks feel warm. "W-well...Ezra and I have collected about eighty or something spirits over the past few years, so we're almost there," you're wondering why you are sharing so much with Leon but he is such a great listener and he genuinely looks interested. "He taught me how to use it to trap evil spirits. In fact, he's taught me pretty much everything I know."

After your long revelation, Leon offers you a smile when you exhale loudly, seemingly exhausted. "Thanks for telling me."

"Of course. You have a right to know."

"Do you want to go for a walk? I haven’t left the room since lunchtime. It would be nice to get some fresh air.”

“Sure,” you remove the pink clip and you’re quick to stand, immediately knocking over several giftboxes with your leg and causing a domino effect as they topple against other boxes one by one and they collapse over the floor loudly. You turn round to Leon with a wince. “Sorry.”

He laughs as he hops off the bed and grabs his white hoodie from his bedside table which he pulls over his head, slotting his arms in. “It’s alright. Let’s go.” Turning to Charizard, he says, "You wanna come along, bud?"

Charizard shakes his head, possibly because he knows he'll be a third wheel, so you and Leon head to the door and he opens it for you; still a gentleman, no matter what. You thank him, leave the room and he closes the door behind him.

“Let’s go this way.” Leon says, guiding you towards a corridor to your left.

He walks close beside you and your shoulders occasionally nudge together. The corridor’s wide enough and there’s no-one in your way but you both seem to be stepping in line together, gravitating towards each other and staying close.

Eventually, the corridor leads you to a large area where you see a number of patients sitting at tables playing chess, reading the newspaper, watching TV or walking around aimlessly.

As you walk with Leon, everyone greets him and waves.

You can only watch in silence as Leon greets them politely. Even though he’s only been in the hospital for a few hours or so he’s already made friends with everyone…. It’s a skill you wish you had for people usually look at you with disdain the moment they lay eyes on you and avoid you like the plague.

You pass an old man in a nightrobe, seated in a comfy-looking armchair who pipes up, “Hello Leon, is this your girlfriend?”

The two of you abruptly stop in your tracks, your jaws hanging open with shock. Leon’s face grows bright red before he splutters, “N-no, we’re just friends!”

And you don’t know what’s worse: how quick Leon had responded to the assumption or his words. Maybe both.

The old man merely chuckles and winks at him. “That’s what they always say at the beginning! I’ll be keeping my eye on you two, mark my words!”

You cringe like crazy, leaving the ward as quickly as possible and Leon heads towards a door that seems to lead to the exit. It’s a short trip but Leon does not make eye contact with you nor does he say anything until you have left the ward.

Leon has brought you to a large yard with a fountain in the middle. There’s also nobody here.

“Oh wow, this is nice,” you mutter, before you rush over to the fountain and peer over the ledge, gazing into the pool. A few Goldeen and Seaking are inside, swimming around gracefully.

Yep,” he agrees as he joins your side, grinning.

You see some Swanna swimming in a small group so you pull out some snacks from your bag and break it into smaller chunks, throwing tidbits into the water; the pokemon gather round the morsels and gobble them greedily.

Leon watches as you feed the pokemon happily before he rubs the back of his neck. “Hey, uh…I have something to tell you.”

“Yes?”

"Would you like to have dinner?"

Your eyes grow wide as you stop feeding the Swanna to stand up, facing him with your jaw hanging open. "D-dinner?!"

"Yeah. My family would like to meet you.”

"Oh. Right. Gotcha. Family with the dinner. Uh, I mean dinner with family."

"My mum wants to thank you for saving me and Hop really wants to meet you too,” Leon says whilst you mentally kick yourself, “I’m getting discharged first thing in the morning and Chairman Rose has given me a few days off so…it would be great if you could come over to my house for a barbecue tomorrow. It would mean a lot to them… and it would mean a lot to me as well.”

You’re stunned; his words have stolen your breath away but you manage to choke out a meek, “Really?”

“Yeah,” he replies, and as you gawk in silence, Leon’s cheeks grow pink and he slides his gaze to the side. “T-that is, if you’re free.”

You snap yourself out of your stupor and nod, “O-of course! Sure, I’d love to. That sounds great. Thank you, Leon.”

"Have you been to a barbecue before?"

"No."

"You're gonna love it," he replies with a wide smile on his face, causing your heart to thump harder than usual. “I’ll give you the time and send you my address later…I live in Postwick and my house is the biggest one on the right, you can’t miss it.”

You can’t help but giggle and soon it grows silent as you stand together, staring at each other again.

“...You’re really…different," Leon suddenly says.

"Different?"

"Yeah."

"Uh, you mean that in a good way or a bad way?"

"Good way, of course!" he exclaims quickly to shake off any misunderstandings, "I find it relaxing to be around with you."

"Oh, well, I've been told I have an old soul," you reply with a hum under your breath, and you wonder if that had anything to do with what he just said.

"And I saw what you did back in the cave with Froslass," Leon continues, "You’re an amazing person….it’s people like you who really help Galar during times of need. I want everyone to know that you saved my life if…if that’s okay with you.”

Your face grows hot at his compliment. “That’s very kind of you, Leon, but you don’t need to do anything for me and I’m not looking for any kind of reward. I-it’s my work, you know? Well, maybe not just work but…” As you struggle to explain yourself, fighting for words, he chuckles. You add, “Remember I told you that my line of work revolves around dead things?”

“Yeah.”

"People around me get hurt, Leon. And I don’t want you or anyone to get hurt because of me. People don’t understand.”

“I understand.”

“I know I have my blog but what I’m trying to say is – oh,” you pause at once, and he chuckles.

Following that, a nurse steps inside the yard and says, “Excuse me, Mr Champion? You have another visitor.”

You both throw your glance to the nurse as Leon acknowledges her and she departs. "I'll take my leave," you say, a tad reluctantly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

“Dinner tomorrow?”

You nod.

“Any allergies we should be aware of?”

You shake your head.

He plants his palm on your shoulder, giving you a firm squeeze. “Great! See you then. I’m looking forward to it,” he says, before he gives you a wink and your stomach does a backflip.

When you leave the hospital, you pass the gym leader of Hammerlocke in the corridor and he's with a rather timid-looking girl whom you believe is his girlfriend. You throw a quick glance at them but they don't seem to notice you, and you look at their hands which are entwined tightly together. You hear the girl talking about something or someone called 'Driffie'.

They must be visiting Leon. He knows so many people compared to you. Off the top of your head, you can only count Jace, Graves and Ezra. That's about it. You want some boy advice, but it's not a good idea to ask Graves or Ezra, so you might ask Jace later.

You’re confused and inwardly hating yourself for once again, mistaking Leon’s friendliness for perhaps flirting and hints of romantic feelings, the usual. It dawns to you that you had spent the entire time with Leon as a blushing mess and also, your heart wouldn’t stop thrashing against your ribs.

And when you arrive home, Magnolia’s asleep and Sonia’s lounging upstairs in the bedroom. You immediately rush up the stairs, opening the door wide.

“Sonnie,” you exclaim, and she looks up from her magazine, “I have been invited to a dinner tomorrow. Like a normal person.”

”That’s fantastic! With who?”

“Leon and his family. It's gonna be a barbecue. They want to thank me for finding him,” you reply, and Sonia’s eyes widens abruptly before she sits up. “Wait, no, why am I doing this? I...I shouldn't be associated with Leon. He might get hurt because of me. Oh wait, it's sort of happened already..."

"No, no! You should go. Come on, don't be like that..."

"O-okay, but I’m really nervous about this. Help me.”

“What do you mean? You’ll be fine! Just be yourself.”

“Be myself?” you utter, before your eyes bulge, “That’s the worst possible me I could be.”

Sonia shakes her head wildly. “Don’t be silly! Arceus, this is exciting!” she exclaims as she slides out of bed. “Do you have anything to wear?”

“No…but I do want to wear something nice though.”

She giggles. “Leave it to me! This is like those movies where the girl gets a makeover!”

“You don’t say,” is your reply as she hurries over to you, circling you and checking your hair and nails and your complexion. You add, “I need your help, Sonnie, but I want this to be as painless as possible.”

“Of course,” she utters as she continues to inspect you. Placing a hand under her chin, she snaps her fingers and smiles widely. “I know what to do!”

...

#leon #dande #leon x reader #Leon x you #reader #reader insert #comfort in despair #fanfic #fic #jeralee #archive of our own #pkmn #pokemon #pokemonshield #pokemonsword #pokemon shield and sword

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hermannsthumb · 5 years

Note

OOOH AUTUMN FIC MEMES !!! okay if you aren't terribly busy and wouldn't mind, of course, i'd love to see the prompt "hayride" and/or "flannel shirt" for newmann :3

from autumn fic meme here: 25. Hayride + 28. Flannel Shirt

HELLO ERICA....YES OF COURSE.......have some post-movie newt and hermann as roommates with a side of mutual (not that they realize) pining

————————————————————————

It takes Hermann ten days to agree to the idea when Newton first proposes it, and even then, he’s skeptical; he blames his allergies first (dust, dead leaves, mold), his back (extra-sensitive to being jostled about), his schedule (too busy, Newton, really, perhaps next year), before Newton—evidently quite desperate—finally decides to just bribe him into it. “It’s literally thirty minutes,” he begs, “it’s fun, and I’ll do the dishes for a whole month afterwards. A whole month! For thirty minutes of fun bonding with me.”

This is no small compromise: in all of their time sharing close quarters, from the professional nature of their laboratory to the more—well, er—intimate friendship of their two-bedroom-flat, Newton has never once put a single plate in the dishwasher, never once wiped down a single coffee mug, never once even offered to rinse off a damn fork. “Make it two,” Hermann says, “and you’ve got a deal.”

“You’re a dick,” Newton says, but agrees to the terms.

Hermann knows Newt will get lazy and fall back on the deal in a week or so, but even that one week will be a welcome change from the usual course of things (i.e., Hermann doing everything) and a great big sacrifice for Newton (i.e., eating chips on the sofa in his underwear) he can’t imagine is worth it. All to pay $20 to sit in the back of a tractor full of hay and be shaken and jostled around for half an hour. Absurd.

“It’s fun. It’s a fall tradition,” Newton shouts over the engine, “like dressing up as a slutty nurse or remaking ‘Halloween’ for the tenth time.” A woman sitting across from them pulls two children closer to her knees and shoots Newton a dirty look; Newton smiles sheepishly. “Dressing up as a wholesome, chaste nurse,” he corrects, “who—”

They drive over a particularly large bump, and Newton bounces off his bale of hay and to the wooden planks of the tractor bed at Hermann’s feet. “Ow.”

Hermann rolls his eyes and offers a hand. “Here we are, Newton,” he says, helping him to his knees with a grunt, “up you go—”

“Thanks, mom,” Newton says. He squeezes back in next to Hermann, wriggling strictly more than necessary, elbow jostling into Hermann’s side; Hermann jabs him back with his own elbow. “Anyway, it’s important for us to, you know, do that kind of stuff now. Normal stuff. Annual traditions.” His eyes flicker down to his boots. “Together. You and me.”

Hermann coughs. He knows the point Newton is trying to make, at least: until recently, they haven’t had the time to do these sorts of things, or even the time to consider these sorts of things—it was difficult to put an effort into making annual traditions when the odds were high they wouldn’t survive that year, let alone the next. And Hermann would know. He calculated the odds himself. “You and me,” he echoes.

It’s their first autumn they’re settled in as roommates. Colleagues. Friends. It makes sense. Friends make traditions together. Newton is only his friend.

(The Newton of now is far more mellow than the Newton Hermann shared a laboratory with for nearly a decade. He’s less prone to shouting. Less prone to arguments. More prone to listening to Hermann. Softer, somehow, even physically, his hair a bit longer, his stubble a bit scruffier, his cheeks a bit fuller. It’s different—not better, not worse, but different. Hermann finds it suits him. Hermann finds it suits him very, very well. Sometimes, when Newton shuffles around in the early mornings in nothing but boxers and a hoodie, when he sits next to Hermann on their couch and offers him coffee with a smile, when he packs Hermann lunch and doodles a few Sharpie hearts on the brown bag, Hermann doesn’t want to be just his friend.)

“I’m surprised you’ve never done one of these before,” Newton is saying. “Didn’t you grow up on a farm?”

“It wasn’t an actual farm,” Hermann says. “But there were—chickens. And an old barn.” There was a broken-down and rusted old tractor in the barn when they bought the property, and plenty of fields (though quite overgrown), so Hermann imagines it’d been a farm at least at some point in time. It wasn’t when he lived there.

The answer seems to satisfy Newton. “My dad used to drive us out to the middle of nowhere to go on these every October,” he says. The wind is blowing the hair from his face, and he’s smiling in that way that makes Hermann feel funny—makes his chest tighten up, his pulse race. “Hayride, then pumpkin picking. Then we’d drive all the way home to carve them for our front step.” Another elbow against Hermann’s side. “We should totally go pumpkin-picking next weekend.”

“What’s the point? We can just go to the shops for one. Probably half the price.”

“Yeah, but that’s not fun,” Newton says.

The tractor hitch jerks and jostles them again, and Hermann’s back hits the wooden bench hard. “This isn’t particularly fun either,” he snaps. “It’s uncomfortable, it’s crowded, it’s bloody cold, too—” It’s freezing, actually, only more so because they’re moving. Hermann’s already planning a hot shower when they get home.

“You’re such a baby,” Newton says.

“A baby?”

“Here I am,” Newton says, “trying to make memories with my best friend—” Before Hermann can even begin to comment on his choice of words, Newton is suddenly yanking off his flannel shirt—leaving himself wearing nothing but his jeans and a tight t-shirt—and tossing it at Hermann. “Just wear this and stop whining.”

Hermann stares at it dumbly. “Your—?”

“Yes,” Newton says. “My flannel. It’s warm. You’re gonna look dumb with it over your sweater, but you’ll be warmer.” When Hermann opens his mouth to protest, because it’s Newton’s flannel, Hermann won’t take it and let him freeze instead, Newton shakes his head and shoves it against Hermann’s chest. “I’m serious, Hermann. I gotta a lot of body heat. I’ll survive.”

Hermann pulls it on over his sweater. It’s large on Newton—Newton, who’s shorter than Hermann, but stockier and nowhere near as skinny—which means it fits easily over all of Hermann’s layers, and it is, indeed, very warm, though it makes Hermann feel a bit like a marshmallow. It also smells like Newton: like his aftershave, his Old Spice deodorant, his fruity shampoo, the coffee he manages to spill on himself every single day. It’s like being wrapped up in Newton’s arms. Like a great big hug. (Or so Hermann assumes; he and Newton don’t make a habit of hugging.)

"I look a ridiculous,” Hermann declares.

“You look cuuuuute,” Newton says, grinning, and knocks the heel of his right boot against Hermann’s left oxford. “Like a big, puffy—”

“Three months, Newton,” Hermann warns. “Three months—“

He means to tack on, retroactively, to Newton’s dishwashing sentence, but they go over another bump, and this one sends Hermann losing his balance and falling forward right into Newton’s lap. “Whoops,” Newton laughs. Hermann blinks dazedly up at him. “You okay, dude?”

Even sideways, and hovering above Hermann with his hair in his face, Newton is distressingly handsome. Hermann’s always found him distressingly handsome. It’s very unfair. “Yes,” Hermann says. “I lost my balance.” The wind carries another whiff of Newton’s deodorant towards him, and his mouth goes dry. He feels dizzy. “Er—would you mind, Newton—?”

It’s Newton’s turn to help him straighten back up; though, when he’s finished, he doesn’t move his arm out from behind Hermann’s back, but curls his fingers around Hermann’s waist instead. “A pumpkin,” he says, breath puffing out warm against the shell of Hermann’s ear, and Hermann must fight to not shiver, “from an actual pumpkin patch. We can each carve a side. How about that?”

“Only if you clean up the mess,” Hermann relents, finding it very difficult to deny Newton anything at the moment.

Newton’s grin returns. He gives Hermann’s waist a squeeze. “Deal.”

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #they gay.#newts-geiszler

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pangtasias-atelier · 5 years

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The Goddess's Judgement Part 1

Randomly remembered this idea that I wrote of around 5 years ago before deleting it off the face of the internet so I wanted to at least write something about it. Beginning feels like a crack fic but attempted seriously lol. But I mean, this would never happen considering the characters but it's for the idea even if it's just a simple, "everyone's fat" idea. I just always feel that there has to be at least a somewhat plausible reason, even if that reason is silly or would never happen.

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"I shall pass down my judgement to save them from themselves," eyes baring no emotion, Ashera readies her magic the tower beginning to shine.

"Wait!" A voice yells in Ashera's head, her other half Yune. "We were awoken by the Galdr of Release,"

"And what of it, the Beorc and the Laguz waged war upon each other,"

"Lehran caused this war," Ashera's face not emoting, she looks down at the kneeling Lehran.

"Is what Yune says true?"

"Yes, my goddess. Th-"

"Enough," Ashera interrupts, her magic currently halted.

"Beorc and Laguz failed us, Ashera. That much is true. But did they really have a chance against Lehran? We must take pity on them," Yune urges.

"If they had fallen prey to their own idiocy, then I would have started anew. But if Lehran kindled the flames of war, then the blame rests not solely on them. They shall receive yet another chance,"

"Then-"

"But, they still need changes. Both the Beorc and the Laguz are far too disobedient. For there to be order, they must be more docile. I conclude this judgement without your analysis, Lehran,"

"Forgive me my goddess," Lehran remains motionlessly kneeling.

"If you wish to save them from my original judgement, Yune, then you will enter the Tower of Guidance within a day. This shall require the both of us,"

"Of course," Rushing forward in her corporeal form, Yune wastes no time in arriving at the Tower of Guidance. Lehran keeps his face pointed at the ground even once Yune arrives, his plan a failure.

"Follow my lead, Yune. With our judgement, we shall save them from themselves,"

"What is the judgement, Ashera?"

"If they lust over battle and warfare, we shall change them. With this judgement, they will be too fat to worry about such things," No room for argument, Ashera begins chanting. Yune soon follows her lead, not willing to lose the only chance she has at saving the Beorc and Laguz.

"If I may speak my godesses," Lehran interjects. "There is a concerning issue pertaining to the Begnion Senate that should not go unpunished,"

"You may have lied to me, but your opinion is important, Lehran. If you believe these members to be vile, then I shall investigate," Finished speaking, Ashera and Yune prepare.

The battle still raging, no one knows the incoming change to their life. A couple moments after, a sense of unease spreads throughout the army; multiple soldiers, Beorc and Laguz alike, begin to lower their weapons and revert respectively.

The entire battle halted, everyone stands awkwardly, unsure of what to do. Looking around, their senses indicating to look at the sky, a bright flash suddenly appears; the beam explodes on the ground, enveloping the entire battle and spreading past it.

The explosion and light fading away, the confusion continues, nothing happening. The fighting remains on hold, no one raising a weapon.

A dropped lance is the first sign, the Daein soldier placing a hand on his stomach. A bulging stomach pops out his armor, the straps ripping off as he tosses a shield to the floor. Thighs widening, the moderately loose pants tighten, the white fabric clinging as each thigh grow. Stance widening, he no longer resembles that of a soldier. Now much wider, the simple act of standing is more strenuous than before. Huffing, he freaks out.

"The laguz! They-" Pointing a finger at his enemies, the Daein soldiers panic. Their panic subside upon the Laguz's growth, the Daein soldier no longer the only one.

The pointed at cat Laguz is the second to grow. Lithe, skinny body typical of them replaces itself with a larger one. His lack of armor serves as a boon, the loose clothing able to support his growing form. The wide pants don't hide his growing rear, his ass burgeoning as weight piles onto it. Thighs squishing together, the pants withstand his new weight. While his upper form receives less padding, the strap across his waist rips immediately, his bulging stomach pushing against his shirt. Tired, he sits down on the floor, his body grateful for the rest.

No longer a clear culprit, the armies panic again. The panic continues to fester as more of the soldiers follow the example of the two original victims. Growing out, the sound of weapons dropping, grunts, and clothes ripping fill the area instead of fighting. A variety of sizes, no one escapes their judgement. The smallest after the growth all have decent sized guts, exercising back to their normal weight requiring far more than a year's time. And they are the smallest, some men even nearing immobility as they rest and pant on the floor, their clothes torn to shreds. With drastic differences in size, that is not the only thing different, some having varied distribution of their newly added fat. Some having asses meant to destroy chairs and even tables while others grew a hill for a stomach.

On average, the Laguz were slightly larger, more fat needed to impede their great strength. The tiger Laguz are the largest, having the highest percentage of near immobile cases. The cats and hawks are smaller in return, their typical nimbleness removed with such puffed out forms.

The Beorc have a wider variety, an even amount of people being on the smaller scale -well what is considered smaller now- and people near immobile.

Everyone's weapons now thrown aside, the majority of them rest, the smaller ones walking around. Soon, the cacophonous sound of people's stomachs rumbling fills the air. Differences aside, Beorc and Laguz help each other up, everyone waddling back to their camps to eat.

Watching it all a top a hill is Skrimir. Eyes furrowed, he growls as he sees his fellow Laguz quit fighting. Unaffected, he doesn't move, unsure of what to do. Heavy footsteps heading his way, Skrimir sniffs the air. Smelling Beorc, he turns around.

Pelleas's now extremely heavy form walks up the hill. Sweat perspiring on his forehead, Pelleas sighs as he collects his breath. Within the immediate area, Pelleas had also grown. Out of the Beorc, Pelleas was the largest one present, his stomach cascading down to his knees. A bulbous face overtaken by bulging cheeks. His clothes torn, he uses his cloak to cover his front, a blush perpetually on his face as he swings one meaty thigh past another, his sagging stomach and moobs swaying with each step.

"I've come to offer a treaty," Pelleas huffs, placing a meaty hand on his stomach as he catches his breath.

"Why now?" Skrimir barks. Why can't Ranulf be here he thinks. Trying to be peaceful is still too new to him.

"The Begnion Senate held leverage over Daein; we were unable to defy their orders. But now, the curse controlling us is gone," Tiredly lifting his fat arm to show it, the blood curse no longer appears. "Daein has no wish to continue fighting the Laguz Alliance,"

Skrimir glares at Pelleas. Finding nothing but nervousness from the king, he sighs. "Then I'll speak to the king for a treaty,"

"Thank you! I'm sure-" Pelleas quiets as he hears Skrimir's stomach let out a concerning growl.

The effect now reaching Skrimir, he balloons out as well. Skrimir's clothes tear instantly, his body far too big for them. Groaning, Skrimir pushes his stomach back in as he growth further. Guessing incorrectly, his ass shoots out behind him, his loose kilt ripping. Legs growing further apart, one extra growth spurt is enough to send Skrimir to the floor. His immense fat jiggling, Skrimir breathes heavily as he continues growing further. The snow offers a decent padding as he widens and fills out, thighs becoming increasingly larger as his stomach envelops them. No one growing past immobility proves wrong as Skrimir's growth ends. His Herculean muscle now hidden, even that isn't enough to lift himself up. Huffing and gasping, Skrimir puts a hand on the ground. He can't even get slightly off the ground, his weight too cumbersome.

"Help me!" Skrimir struggles, his fat shaking all over.

Obeying, Pelleas hesitates for a moment, wondering where to grab. He grabs Skrimir's mitt sized hand, each sausage finger stuck together. Giving a pull offers no help, Skrimir stuck on the floor. Letting go, Pelleas tumbles to the floor as well. Smaller than Skrimir, and less gifted in his rear, the snow is a very welcome padding as he lands. Struggling, Pelleas gets back up, the cold irrelevant as he sweats from the exertion.

"Get help," Skrimir gasps for air; his stomach growls soon after. "Get food first," He corrects.

Pelleas finds himself agreeing as he rubs his growling stomach. On the way back to camp, Pelleas announces the treaty and end of Daein's participation in the war. Multiple cheers resound, several people offering Pelleas food, most of it now gone. He happily accepts it all, grabbing it for himself and for Skrimir.

Those not on the battlefield find themselves in the same predicament.

Tibarn incessantly flaps his wings, his bulk far too heavy to be lifted off the ground. His jacket meant to show his rippling abs and huge pecs, the clothing no longer exists, torn to shreds by Tibarn's gargantuan stomach, the mound pinning Tibarn's legs.

"Naesala! I'll rip your wings!" He shouts as he once again unsuccessfully gets up.

"I didn't do this! If I did, do you think I'd be affected you sack of lard?" Not as large as his fellow bird king, Naesala is still massive. Most of his weight went towards his rear unlike Tibarn, and unlike Tibarn, Naesala was still mobile. Unfortunately, in his search for help, he wedged himself in the door, his ass refusing to budge.

"Say that to my face," Finally lifting himself off the ground, Tibarn grunts as he keeps flapping. A couple inches is all he can rise up, Tibarn's body crashing back down, shaking the floor.

The tremor is exactly what Naesala needs, his ass finally free upon the door cracking from the tremor. "Well, I guess I can now...." Naesala freezes at Tibarn's massive form. "Perhaps in a bit," Abandoning the immobile Tibarn who yells at Naesala, Naesala waddles his way to the kitchens. His stomach and noise guiding him correctly, he finds it heavily packed. Other Laguz already inside, none of the them pay him any attention as he grabs food, all moving to the side upon seeing Naesala's larger form. All seemingly having forgotten Naesala's betrayal in favor of focusing on eating.

Grabbing a large platter of assorted cheeses and meats, most of the food already gone, Naesala heads back.

Upon seeing Naesala's return, Tibarn struggles again to get help, refusing help from him.

"I didn't get help, but I got something that'll help us,"

"Food is the last thin-" Tibarn muffles as Naesala shoves the food into his mouth. Pathetically flapping his wings and barely having the energy to fly onto Tibarn's stomach, Naesala sweats.

"It will help me to get you to shut up," Sneaking portions for himself, Naesala keeps feeding Tibarn whenever he speaks.

The initial area is only the beginning, Ashera's judgement soon spreading across Tellius. The Beorc experience it first, Crimea, Daein and Begnion. Afterwards, the Laguz: Gallia, Phoenicis, Kilvas and eventually Goldoa and even Hatari, none escaping their judgement.

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Definitely will be continued, I just wanted to get this portion instead of having it all in one. Typical "world is fat au" but it's an oldie but a goodie.

#fat emblem #male weight gain #male wg #feeder emblem #my writing #this was a slog to write but also really fun #I'm awful at writing rapid growth #i should look up stuff for it #fat!tellius #fat!tibarn #fat!naesala #fat!pelleas #fat!skrimir #ssbhm

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ofstvtches · 5 years

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ROCKY LYNCH, MASCULINE NB, HE/HIM & THEY/THEM. — looks like SAMHAIN SKELLINGTON is attending AURORIA UNIVERSITY in auradon. they're the TWENTY year old child of JACK & SALLY SKELLINGTON, which means they're from THE ISLE. heard they're NURTURING & GENTLEMANLY, but can also be INFLEXIBLE & SELF-PITYING ; we all have our bad days. people normally associate them with SEWING NEEDLES REPAIRING A BROKEN DOLL , A BAG FULL OF BANDAGES, TRYING SO HARD TO BE TOUGH WHEN YOU’RE SOFT , SOFT HAIR HELD BACK WITH A BAT-SHAPED PIN.

❛ when you saw that little girl , and she was in the sandbox and she was crying , and you gave her your toy truck and I told you we couldn’t afford to get another one. you said , ‘ she should have it because she’s sad. she’s sad , mommy. ’ ❜ playlist. pinterest. to listen as you read.

lol u guessed it it’s me , again , by unpopular demand - i am so sorry. third muse already bc i can’t keep myself away from playing absolute CINNAMON ROLLS so that’s what u can expect from sam w/ a pumpkin spice twist. bc nightmare is my absolute favorite movie and ... halloween, motherfuckers. so as usual this will PROBABLY end up long bc i love writing sam so much so yeah , more below !

HISTORY

So as we know , Jack & Sally were sent to the Isle w/ the rest of Halloweentown for trying to steal Christmas ! And unlike Christmas , Samhain was not born in Halloweentown. In fact , he wasn’t even born - he was made.

Magic wasn’t a huge thing on the Isle - but a resource of science was Dr. Finkelstein , and despite the limited resources and technology on the Isle , the couple begged the mad scientist to create another child for them. And from Sally , it took a lot of convincing , but Jack was able to talk him into it.

It took even more of an effort to pull off , again considering the state of the Isle. But a good few months into the project and Jack & Sally were greeted with the cries of a tiny ragdoll baby boy. Keeping up with the holiday themed names , he was named Samhain - Sam for short.

He grew with multiple touch-ups from the doctor to simulate an actual boy growing up - every year , a check-up making him taller , stronger , etc. And in that process he started to look more and more like his mother , with her big eyes and stitched smile and patchwork clothes. But he grew up loved by his brother & parents - though it never quelled the fact he always wanted... more.

He was loved , he was coddled , and as sheltered as a child could be on the Isle. So , much like his mother , he took a habit of sneaking out frequently and trying to fit in with the other Isle kids , even though he knew he didn’t.

He just wanted to fit in. That was it. And it started off with him wearing large hoods and heavy clothes to hide the stitches on his body as well as masks to cover facial stitches. And while some other Isle kids found him odd and sticking out like a sore thumb , some found him cool. Some found him interesting. But nobody really knew what he was hiding - and it added mystery to someone so NICE , because Sam’s overall sweetness could rival that if sugar’s.

Curiosity only reached dangerous points though when Sam snuck out on night to camp out with friends - and when everyone else was asleep , one removed his mask , and of COURSE did Samhain immediately wake up. He didn’t stay to see the reaction of the other when revealing his stitches , too afraid that he’d be seen as scary or repulsive for what he was. And he ran. He ran back home , locking himself in his room , and those friends he routinely hung out with . . . well , he didn’t talk to them much after that. Because what if they knew , now ?? What would they think ??

Villain & Auradon kids coming together was a new chance for Sam to try and fit in - be more in his element. He was immediately acquainted with a magic-practicing individual ( could be an AK or a VK - this’ll be a wc ) who struck a deal with him to offer him glamours so he could look less scary. Of course , these glamours would have to be applied and would wear off until the next application , but it’d make him feel more comfortable - even though he WOULD technically be hiding who he is.

While Christmas , the elder sibling , would be sticking around in Auradon Prep , Samhain would prefer to move immediately to Auroria University to try and figure out who exactly he wanted to be , and how he could do that. Currently he’s majoring in Nursing , given he’s always had a rather NURTURING and charitable nature - never turning down someone else’s request to help.

CHARACTER & FACTS

So lemme get this one thing out of the way bc if I don’t I’ll be itching about it - but all my resources for ( the love of my life ) Rocky were made by me , and while they’re all from multiple eras from both R5 & TDE , I imagine Sam to resemble how Rocky looks around the post-Louder , Heart Made Up On You & Sometime Last Night eras ( basically from like 2013-2015 ). Here , here , & here for some references. I’m nOT DONE GIFFING THOUGH bc frankly I find giffing him therapeutic.

Now I don’t have a drawn reference or anything for this next part so we’re gonna have to use our imagination here but unglamoured , Sam basically looks like his mom in terms of the fact he’s a little ragdoll baby. Putting on a glamour doesn’t change his appearance much save for the fact the stitches disappear and he looks more human.

The glamour is an enchanted bat charm he wears around his neck that can also be used as a hairtie. And it has to be refreshed every so often , so he has to keep going back to whoever provided him with it so it doesn’t lose its effect.

He still has a backup mask just in case , and he’s been practicing with makeup if need be.

Personality-wise , the best one can describe Sam as is sweet and polite. I included tht Stranger Things quote at the beginning 4 a rEASON bc he’s honestly such a sweet kid and will give anything to anyone.

And also bc I imagine Sally as Joyce mom-wise so yEAH bt I digress.

He knows his manners and treats everyone with the UTMOST amount of respect , which makes it extremely easy to get along with him . He’s also maybe a tad bit too giving for his own good , since it’s incredibly easy to use that to one’s advantage and he’s so inclined to believe people have the best intentions. An optimist , even if it’s to a fault. And then when he gets hurt he just sits to the side feeling sorry for himself like “ :’’’(. ”

Now when I say he’s inflexible , I mean that Sam is a very ORGANIZED person who likes things to be done a certain way - like , he can never do anything without a plan , and if even something slightly goes out of what the plan pertains of , he panics. He’s a goody-goody and he’s afraid to break the rules , which is why he’s still hesitant to even do things with the friends who are more “ bad ” than he is.

Everything has to be done BY THE BOOK and if it isn’t then something is bound to go wrong and Sam’s too worried about that happening.

He’s also incredibly insecure about his appearance but I think I’ve hammered in that fact enOUGH ALREADY

But if he takes his glamour off in front u that’s like. A Major sign of trust. So beware.

Again as I mentioned he tries to hang out with kids with the lesser reputations because :

1.) He wants to give them a chance

2.) He wants to make sure they have a friend to look after them

and 3.) He’s so used to trying to fit in with the other Isle kids that he’s trying to be ‘bad’ himself but it never works out bc he’s so sweet and he can dress in skinny jeans and leather and shit as much as he wants but at the end of the day he’s still Sweet Lil’ Samhain.

One thing he’s always had a fascination with would be angels - he’s always believed in them , always though he’s had his own guardian angel watching over him somewhere , he’s always loved the idea of them. He has lots of angel decorations around his dorm as well as ornaments and stuff for the holidays. It’s also pure irony that he just so happens to be just as angelic in nature.

He’s also a big holiday person like the rest of his family and loves helping to decorate for events and stuff !!

One of his greatest talents is his ability to play both the piano & violin , and he’ll often do that if there’s a piano in common areas or so on. He’s also a talented singer , but he’s so used to putting that to the side , making him lack confidence in his voice.

i v much encourage u to listen to the song i linked i find his voice so....soothing.

Like his mom he’s also very good at cooking , sewing , etc. !! Often has to stitch himself back together if he gets hurt - you know , Sally style.

More basic facts are that his final height clocks in at 6′4 , he’s homoromantic homosexual , and identifies as masculine non-binary who doesn’t really care how you address him. He’s very chill. And sometimes he has to walk with a cane of sorts if his stitches are loose or if his legs are feeling especially weak.

but yeah that’s it on that end !!!

WANTED CONNECTIONS

So obviously - the person who provided him with the glamour. Only requirement is that ur character’s good at magic or something of that sort.

AND ALSO - I’d love the person who initially removed his mask !! Sam didn’t stick around to see them react to how he truly looked , so it’s all up to you on how this character feels. But he’s avoided them since that scenario.

Also , his group of friends around the time that scenario happened on the Isle. Maybe they’re a little more rough around the edges than him , but this group was always tight-knit. And then Sam lightning mcghosted bc he wasn’t sure if now they knew what he really was.

Ppl who think his whole sweet thing is fAKE bc we know it isn’t but it’s so easy to THINK it is.

Also would love some folks he routinely cares for maybe in the aspect of like. Bein their shoulder to cry on. Patching up a wound. Just being There for them.

Folks who in general just wanna know more abt him bc he is kind of a mystery !!

Would lOVE sb who his glamour wears off in front of and he begs them to keep his secret but instead they want him to try n be more comfortable w/ himself and who he is. Bc he’s a cute ragdoll let’s b honest he just. Doesn’t see himself that way.

Ppl who Sam crushed on at the Isle and deffo broke his heart bc life just b like that sometimes

Also present day folks who r just ready to break his heart bc again thats so easy to do

also once more i’m open 2 ANYTHINNNNNNG sam is my Baby(tm) and i’d lov any plots thrown his way !! will probs make another wc page for him like i’ve done w/ luke and am in the process of doing w/ trixie !!

#usoa:intro #abt tag tbd #and nOW i hop 2 do replies !#i hope u guys like this tho sam is like. one of my fav muses to write ever.#he's the perfect man bt also not a man.

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gumi-gang · 6 years

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I Love You

Pairing: Boyfriend!Lee Taeyong x Fem! Virgin! Reader

Word Count: 1,070

First Time (Requested by anon)

Warnings: smut, defloration, penetration, not profread

(A/N: Sorry if I didn’t make this clear before, but I don’t take requests. My writing just isn’t as good if it isn’t my own idea. I’m sorry! I also would like to apologize if this sucks! (Taeyong is a total sub, even if I didn’t write him like one!))

{Masterlist}

All of your life you’ve been last. The last one to have a boyfriend. The last one to have their growth spurt. The last one to leave home. The last one to go off to college. The last one to lose your virginity.

In terms of the latter, you were aware you were the only one in your friend group to not have slept with anyone. Your best friends, Chaeyoung and Yuta have always told you of their late night hookups with strangers and naked adventures that took place at times when most people were asleep. When they started to date everything became worse. Maybe worse isn’t the word--amplified. You were fine with not knowing what they did in bed, but that didn’t stop them from telling you.

Eventually, you couldn’t take it anymore, which lead you to make new friends. Such as Taeyong, from your mandatory Organic Chemistry class. The two of you hit it off right away and within 5 months of knowing each other, you asked him out and he gladly said yes.

10 months later is where you are now. Sitting on the edge of your bed staring at the door waiting for Taeyong to show up. You had bribed Chaeyoung to spend the night at Yuta’s dorm, so you and Taeyong would be able to be alone tonight. The anticipation of what was about to happen made your heart pound, with the occasional beat skipping. Taeyong knew you were a virgin, and you were well aware he was not. However, last Tuesday after Yuta and Chaeyoung told you both about their latest session together, you had suggested the idea of sex to Taeyong.

Everything since had been planned. The day, the time, where, how. You had approached the entire ordeal in a casual manner, never genuinely feeling the weight of what you were about to do until now.

The knock on the door made you jump and run to open it as fast as you could. Seeing your boyfriend in skinny black jeans with loose white t shirt neatly tucked in wouldn’t normally make you flustered, but this time it did.

You blushed as you took the rose he was holding for you, “Thank you.”He simply smiled in response before stepping inside.

“So um, how was your day?” he didn’t look up to meet your eyes. You both stood there like little school child confessing their love for each other in the middle of a playground.

“It went by fast. There wasn’t much to do today,” you placed the rose on your night stand before taking your seat on your bed. Taeyong slowly made his way over to you. “How was your day?” you asked in return.

“My day wasn’t quick at all. I couldn’t stop thinking about…” he trailed off.

“But you’ve done this before,” you said, still refusing to look at him. You played with your hands, counting your breaths, trying your best to make them inaudible.

“I know. I just don’t want to mess up your first time,” he took your hand, beginning to trace the lines. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You shouldn’t feel pressured by--”

You cut him off with your reply, “No, I want to.” Your abruptness made you both flinch a little. Shaking off your nerves, you leaned in to kiss him. He responded by laying you down, and then following by holding himself on top of you. After however long, he moved him hands down from caressing your face to the top of your inner thigh. He broke the kiss and asked if what he was doing was okay with you. “I’m fine,” you reassured him, permitting smiles to grow on both of your faces.

He continued by rubbing his fingers over you, before unzipping your jeans and tugging them down. Taeyong then stood up to take off his own clothes, leaving his boxers on. Laying back down again, he positioned himself between your legs and began to trace your clit with his tongue, applying almost no pressure at all. The sensation sent shivers down your spine. Unlike your normal self, you grabbed his head and pushed in down onto you. Positive you felt him smile, you pulled off your shirt, remaining solely in your bra. Taeyong began to suck and kiss your clit, causing a loud moan to escape your lips.

After what felt like forever, you repositioned himself, slipping his boxers off and pulling out a condom from his pocket. It took quite a while for him to rip it open and put in on. When he finally was covered, he inserted his tip slowly into you. At a snail’s pace he began to fill you with more of him. Taeyong was not completely inside of you when you placed your hand on his shoulder to stop him.

You felt like you were on fire, and not in a pleasant, sparks flying kind of way. You felt all kinds of pain that you’ve never felt before. Sex was not at all how your friends had described it to you. Opening your eyes, you didn’t even realized were closed you tapped Taeyong’s shoulder to signal him to continue. He steadily pushed into and pulled out of you. The pain only faded slightly causing you to wrap both your arms around his waist. His controlled movements began to become sloppier, but never faster. Grunts and moans would leave your boyfriends mouth, as you breathed on his neck with his lips brushing over his ear. “Y/n…” he mumbled before pulling completely out and cumming into the condom. He shyly pulled it off and threw it away, before saying, “Sorry I came so early.”

“It’s fine,” you smiled. It really was, you had suddenly felt much happier and confident then you had before. “I didn’t expect to cum during my first time anyway,” you pulled him down to lay down next to you.

“How was it?” he hesitated. “Are you okay?”You were much better now, you thought.

“It kind of hurt, but I’m okay now. I enjoyed the very beginning and the very end,” you responded, as honestly as possible.

“I’m glad I didn’t repulse you from doing it in the future,” he yawned. Noting he was tired, you wrapped your arms around him, as you both drifted off. You almost hear the words ‘I love you’ leave his lips.

#nct #nct u #nct 127 #nct dream #nct 2018 #lee taeyong #taeyong #taeyong smut #taeyong scenarios #nct smut #nct scenarios

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smhtxmhxlland · 7 years

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If I Lose Myself

Artist: OneRepublic

Relationship: Peter Parker X Reader

Summary: You can feel there’s something wrong, but you don’t know what.

Warnings: CURSE. Heartbreak.

Word Count: 1,471

Want a Song?

So, you weren’t the best at living. You kind of really sucked at it actually. You never said the right thing. You never knew what you wanted to do. Your future was all but a blur. You finally decided that you were going to start living for people, because making people happy made you happy. It gave you a purpose.

You’d been sitting beneath your tree in the backyard. You’d planted the silver maple when you were only 10 and it had been growing bigger and stronger ever since. It was your getaway. You’d go out there to read and think. It was so peaceful.

Now, you were staring up at the sky through the branches. Looking at the sun through the opening. You were thinking about your family, your friends, all of the people you loved. You had no idea life was going to change. Be ruined and pulled out from under you....sort of like a rug.

Summer holiday was almost over. You’d spent most of it reading, but the other parts of it with your two close friends: Peter Parker and (Y/B/F). You actually had plans with both of them on the last two days of the summer. (Y/B/F) today and Peter tomorrow. It was tradition to give them both a day.

You woke up to the sun peaking through your shades. You stretched a bit, sitting up and immediately grabbing your phone off its charging cord. You had a few text messages which you quickly responded to then went directly to your Tumblr page.

It was a morning routine, really. You’d get up, answer texts, then scroll for about an hour. However, today (Y/B/F) was coming over and you two were supposed to see a movie.

Deciding to skip the hour of Tumblr scrolling, you hopped in the shower for a good half and hour, then did a bit of your makeup. You didn’t wear much, mostly because you totally sucked at it, but wore just enough to where you didn’t look like a naked baby. You blow dried your hair and made sure you looked somewhat decent in your favorite baggy shirt and pair of skinny jeans. Who were you kidding, though, you always looked stellar. At least that’s what your friends told you. Which, they were kind of crazy.

You heard the front door open, indicating that your friend was here. You smiled and hopped down the stairs, you keys in hand, ready to head over. Except she had a frown on her face when she stared at you. Your giddy mood faded.

“What?” You asked.

She shook her head, plastering a fake smile on. “Sorry, it’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. Tell me what happened.” You could feel the sadness rolling off of her in waves. One of your best traits, you felt empathy for people. More of a curse than anything, half the time your mood depended on that of those who were surrounding you. Which, as of right now, you felt depressing eating at your insides. She was not okay.

She sighed. “You need to stop being so good at reading people, it’s really annoying sometimes. I really can’t tell you what’s wrong. You’ll learn eventually.”

That was the most stupid thing you’ve ever heard, but you didn’t argue. “Wanna go see a movie to make you forget about it for two hours?”

She nodded, a smile sneaking onto her features. “Sounds good, what are we seeing?”

After the movie ended, she still seemed a bit off. More quiet than usually. She wasn’t as bubbly. She was always the one to pop jokes or blare the music while singing along in the car. You glanced at her from behind the wheel and she was just staring out the window.

You weren’t sure if you should ask again. She didn’t seem like she’d tell you before, but maybe you could ware her down and get her to break. You needed to know, the feeling was eating away at your optimism.

“Can you please tell me.”

She didn’t say anything, but shook her head. She looked uncomfortable as you asked her. Maybe you shouldn’t push her.

“Please?” You were desperate now. She hadn’t been this upset since her first love broke her heart a year ago. She hadn’t had a true boyfriend since, so that wasn’t the problem. Unless she was hiding it.

“Is it a boy?”

She looked at me, her eyes indicating that it was a boy. You were hurt she never told you.

“You’ve kept him from me for this long and let him break your heart?” You were playfully yelling at her, hoping to brighten the mood.

She didn’t look amused. “Not that kind of boy. You’ll figure it out tomorrow.”

You didn’t question her further, but why tomorrow? That was your and Peter’s day. Unless her and Peter were having a secret affair you didn’t know about then you have no idea what she was talking about. You hoped they weren’t either, because she knew how much you loved that boy. What was it?

You and Peter decided to go shopping then walk around the park. His favorite thing to do was shop and yours was the park, so you two had compromised. Plus, he loved ice cream, too, so why not?

“God I am so not ready for school.” You groaned, licking your cone again.

He nodded in agreement, taking a bite out of his, already down to the bottom. Your cone was dripping all over your hand, making you frantically start licking at the melting ice cream. You both sat down on a nearby bench and you took that resting time to grab the napkins from your pocket and begin wiping away at the mess.

“Hey, (Y/N) I have something to tell you.” Peter spoke, finished with his cone.

You nodded, still licking at the side of yours, and gave him your full attention.

He sighed. “This is so hard.” He whispered mostly to himself.

This worried you. At first you hadn’t thought anything of it, but yesterday (Y/B/F) had been so upset. Your hunch had been right, it might have been Peter to made them like that.

“You’re dating (Y/B/F).” You blurted.

He stared at you with wide eyes and frantically shook his head. “No! God, no. That’s not even close.”

“Oh thank god. I was so worried you guys had been keeping it from me. She/he was so upset yesterday.”

He didn’t say anything, just waited for you to be finished so he could continue. “Anyway....” He wouldn’t make eye contact with you.

“What?” You were getting nervous.

“I’m moving. To uh, to Germany?” He said it as a question.

“To Germany.” You repeated it. Not really hearing him as your heart thundered in your ears.

“Yeah. My aunt got a new job. She uh, said it would be best if we moved there so she could have more money. Also the Stark internship, it’s based over there.”

“Uh huh.” You spoke. This couldn’t be happening.

“Can you look at me?” He asked.

You looked up at him, your eyes meeting. You hadn’t noticed the tears forming until you noticed your vision was blurry. He looked like a blurry little window painting.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to move.”

You shrugged, sniffling. “It’s not your fault right? Just gotta leave. I get it. Go off to sea. Leave me here alone. It’s fine, it’ll be okay.”

“Off to sea? Germany isn’t across the ocean.”

You shook your head, smiling through your pain. “I know, I’m joking.” A sob escaped your mouth though before you could stop it.

He pulled you into him and you began crying into his chest. His arms were wrapped around you and he was shushing you like you were a child. In any normal event you’d shake him off, but your heart hurt so bad. What were you going to do without him?

“I’m gonna miss you so much.” You said, your voice barely audible through the gross crying coming from your mouth.

“I know, I’ll miss you too.”

You pulled away, smiling at him now. “Could you stay with me tonight at least? I know I’m losing you and I’m gonna lose myself too for a while, but at least for a night I want to lose myself with you.”

He nodded, pulling you back into his arms. You hugged him tight and closed your eyes, willing it to not be true. But it was and you knew it was. He was going to be gone soon and you had no idea when he was going to be back. He didn’t even know he was your world. He would never know. It would only make this that much harder.

“I love you.” You whispered.

He squeezed you tighter. “I love you too.”

#this was gross #peter parker x reader #spiderman #tom holland #i love it tho #onerepublic #song #request #moving #heartbreak

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prinanalogicality · 7 years

Text

Of Idiots and Ink

I have a weakness for soulmate AUs. My friend @notallpotatoesarefrenchfries and I were talking about different scenarios, and this one is just so cute, so I had to write about it. ( @velocifoxy )

Summary: Human!Sides. In this world, whenever your soulmate writes on themselves, the ink shows up on your body as well. Many soulmates use this as a way to communicate and meet up with the one they are meant to be with, and, wanting to meet his love, Roman writes cute notes on himself everyday in hopes that one day the soulmate link will be found and his lover will view his words of love. He has always been excited about the prospect of his soulmate responding and living happily ever after. One morning he writes “Good morning, my love” on his forearm and checks back to see “No morning is good” written beneath it in a handwriting that is most definitely not his own.

AO3 link here.

Pairing: Prinxiety. This is going to be tooth rottingly fluffy, so prepare your little hearts my darlings!

Check out my other fics here!

“Good morning, my love.” Roman smiles as he pulls his hand back, the words scrawled along his inner right forearm, his looped lettering in a velvety black ink. Everyday, he writes good morning on his arm in hopes that the words will one day reach his beloved. He has yet to find words on himself, so he takes it upon himself to write messages. All people begin seeing the words on themselves at different times, and all Roman can say is that he hopes his words find his soulmate before they grow old. He wants a young romance, where he and his other half may go out and do things like travel, rock climbing, riding roller coasters. He wants to grow old alongside his soulmate, live a full life with them.

Once the words are written, the male goes on about his day, brewing a pot of coffee to help himself wake up and eating a hearty breakfast of bacon and eggs, along with toast. Breakfast is important to maintain a healthy diet, after all. By the time he has finished his breakfast and is ready to get dressed into his clothes for the day, he makes sure to check his arm - wait, that isn’t his handwriting. Roman gasps and jumps for joy, nearly losing his footing and falling on his kitchen floor, but he can’t find it in himself to care. His soulmate has answered him, oh goodness, what they said just has to be cute, right? Eagerly, he looks down at his arm again, ready to read the writing.

“No morning is good.”

And so began Roman’s daily banter with his soulmate.

He has yet to learn the other’s name, though he has learned that he is a male. The boy refused to reveal his name, saying he does not have to, to which Roman is impatient about the matter. It would bother him less, but the manner in which his soulmate refused to tell him was what aggravated him most.

“I am Roman, darling. Might I learn your name as well?”

“Sure, it is-” Roman watched as letters began appearing in strange places on his arm and frowns. An I by his wrist, a u by his elbow, an arrangement of t’s and one apostrophe along with other letters finally come together to form the phrase “I don’t have to tell you.”

He’s sure he will learn one day, so he holds on to that. He makes sure to tell his love good morning every morning, as per usual, and he can never help but to laugh at the responses he receives each time.

“Stop that. I don’t even wake up in the mornings, I like the afternoon.”

“My friends won’t stop pointing out your scribbling all the time. Quit.”

“Boy.”

One time, he had even completely blacked out Roman’s message. Roman likes to think of it as his beloved being shy instead of being cruel.

One day, though, he receives a message completely out of the blue. It was on his right forearm, the normal area, as his beloved must be left handed as well. He was ecstatic to see his love reaching out to him first, but no matter how long he stares at the sloppily written scrawl, he can’t seem to interpret it. With a frown, he gets his pen and responds.

“Why does your handwriting resemble hieroglyphics?” He sighs to himself and shakes his head, watching as the lettering his lover responds with appear slowly. like he is being careful to make sure his writing is legible.

“Why does your handwriting look like a teen magazine cover font?”

Fairly played.

“Have you coordinated a meeting yet?” Logan asks Roman, sitting with him in his friend’s living room. Roman is staring down at his arm with dreamy eyes, chin in the palm of his free hand. He has made this a habit, often writing notes for his soulmate, but it seems that neither party has made an effort to plan a meeting. And the sad thing is that Logan suspects that it is not because they do not wish to meet, it is because the thought has not come to their minds. “Not only that, but why not exchange phone numbers? Would it not be easier than writing on yourselves and washing away ink to ensure space?”

Roman peels his eyes from his arm to look at Logan, in which he frowns, the words settling in after a few moments. “Exchanging phone numbers? What a fabulous idea!” He grins and hurriedly writes his phone number down onto his arm, and even from his seat on the opposite side of the sofa Logan can see the little hearts doodled around.

This man is such a dolt.

Anxiety stares down at his phone, his eyes looking over the emojis flooding his screen. His soulmate, this Roman guy, has taken to spamming him with emojis, all because Anxiety said emojis are pointless. He rolls his eyes and sits back, groaning when he hears the squeal from his friend beside him.

“Ahh, so cute! You even have a little heart by his name, you’re so meant to be! I can’t wait to meet him!” Morality cheers, clapping his hands excitedly. Anxiety perks up at that, lifting his head to look at his friend.

“Meet him?”

Anxiety is clad in his normal attire consisting of black skinny jeans and a large black sweater - it’s a bit too warm for his thick jacket. He keeps glaring over at Morality who had followed him, despite his protests, and now the male won’t even go away. He keeps delivering reassuring thumbs ups, to which Anxiety really doesn’t need them. Yeah, he and Roman had scheduled to meet up for the first time, and yeah, his heart is racing and his tummy has butterflies fluttering about, but he definitely is fine. No worries, he doesn’t need Morality here.

He picks up on the sound of an excited voice talking to another, in which he turns his head, catching sight of a man that can only be described as stunning. He has lightly tanned skin, dark brown hair sweeping back perfectly and deep brown eyes. His shoulders are broad, he is tall, and wow, there is no way on this earth that that man could be Anxiety’s soulmate. Anxiety is deep in denial, even though the other’s voice sounds exactly like Roman’s from their several phone calls. He supposes they should have exchanged photos of themselves or video chatted. Another thing that didn’t come to mind that would have made their lives easier, great.

Biting his lip, Anxiety pulls out his Sharpie from his pocket and writes on the back of his right hand. He really hopes his gut is right, he hardly ever trusts his instincts.

“To your right.” He looks up to see black ink appearing on the male’s hand and stands up more straight, putting away his marker.

Roman senses the light tingle that he has come to be able to pinpoint when his soulmate writes him, in which he eagerly looks at his hand. To his right? With a small frown, his gaze turns and- oh.

Before him is one of the most exquisite creatures he has had the opportunity to lay his eyes on. A boy with dark, almost black hair that sweeps into his face, light freckles on his cheekbones and nose, and bright, hazel green eyes is staring at him, and he knows. He knows that this boy, this gorgeous, beautiful boy is his soulmate. He doesn’t say a word as he steps away from Logan, to which the male turns and notices what Roman is doing, stepping away himself to watch the display.

“My Sunshine.” Roman breathes out as he immediately moves in, sweeping Anxiety off of his feet, hugging him closely. “My love, I have yearned for your touch for so long.”

He hears a snort against his shoulder and tentative arms wrapping around his neck, his hug being hesitantly returned. “Great. Now, put me down, will you?”

“I’m afraid I cannot do so, not quite yet. I have waited far too long.” Roman grins and presses a kiss to the side of his soulmate’s head, breathing in the vanilla scent of the other’s shampoo.

“You’re such a doofus.” Despite Anxiety’s words, there is no venom present, not in his actions or his words. He relaxes in Roman’s embrace and looks over to see Morality wiping away tears with a handkerchief, in which Anxiety rolls his eyes. One of these days Morality will find his own soulmate. Anxiety hopes so, the man deserves to be cherished.

“Ah, but you love me.”

“That’s debatable.”

Roman pulls back with a grin and he can see the gold glittering in his beloved’s eyes.

After their initial meeting, Roman and Anxiety learned that they live about an hour away from one another. Roman immediately suggested moving to Anxiety’s location, but Anxiety did not want to rush matters. Yes, they are soulmates and are fated to be together, but he is much more hesitant to dive into a relationship headfirst. Roman is quite the opposite. They had their first date a week after their first meeting, their first kiss on their second date, their first cuddling session on their third. By now they have been in a relationship for two months and have been communicating for four, and on their two months of officially dating anniversary, Anxiety wakes up to a different message on his wrist.

“I love you.”

He frowns at the words, ignoring the heat in his cheeks. Roman is far too open with his feelings.

And so the message stays. Instead of waking to different messages everyday, Anxiety finds the words “I love you” written there, sometimes in different colors and styles. Usually, though, the message is on his inner wrist written in black, where Anxiety can view it easily and frequently. This man is going to be the death of him one day, Anxiety can tell

Roman kisses the crown of Anxiety’s head, pulling the male closer to his side. They have now been together for about half of a year now, and a month ago Anxiety conceded to Roman renting an apartment a block away from Anxiety’s own apartment. He isn’t quite ready to live together, but Roman respects the wishes of his darling boyfriend. He would do anything for him, and he does. He was born to be the best he can be for Anxiety, they were created to be one another’s perfect match, even through all of their petty arguments.

He still continues to make sure “I love you” is written on his wrist, there so Anxiety can see it. It doesn’t bother him that Anxiety has not returned the sentiment yet. He knows Anxiety cares, and he will never push the male out of his comfort zone. If Anxiety is not ready to proclaim his love for Roman yet, Roman will wait as long as necessary to receive those beautiful words from his beloved.

“I love you.” He murmurs, very softly, more to himself than to Anxiety. There is no way that Anxiety could have heard him, especially not through Kristen Bell belting out Love Is An Open Door with Santino Fontana. Nevertheless he still feels the male shifting slightly. He feels a light tingle on his wrist and smiles, pressing another kiss to Anxiety’s hair as he checks what his love has to say, viewing and hearing the words:

“I love you too.”

#prinxiety #prinxiety fluff #my fics #mine #fluff #tooth rotting fluff #i really love this au wow #rip me the idea is so great #i really i hope i did it justice #soulmate au #soulmate prinxiety

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dahcyst · 7 years

Text

My “fitness” over the years. My disability, my fight, my illness, my victory.

Well.

Today I’ll talk a little about a personal topic, but not so personal after all: fitness. Or rather, how fitness changed my life.

I have to say that, at first, I’m not a sportive person. Life made it that way and with its lot of frustration. I’m a disabled person, from a birth accident and I’ve never known what it as like to have two similar arms, shoulder and upper back sides.

All over my life, it has been the same about sports: that blocking feeling when you do the same as everyone but your body doesn’t answer. You’re putting the same strength in both sides. One is great. The other one doesn’t answer even a half of what you asked. It can’t move, it’s strengthless, it’s useless and painful. You’re different, they all know it, they all see it around you but they’ll never dare tell you anything because, you know? You’re different but toward society it would be terrible to tell disabled people that they’re different. So they just stay quiet and act as if it was normal, as if you were just bad at doing things and deal with it. Did I mention frustration and that self-hatred?Sometimes, I think I would have liked someone to tell me “You’re different, no matter how we look at it, even if it’s just a little, but it will be ok, just do your best, you can do it.”

That is to say that it wasn’t easy to deal with the lack of physical exercise for years. I had to, of course, and so I’ve been swimming for 15years. At least I got the almost-shape-of-a-shoulder thanks to that (imagine a kid with just one shoulder, and the other side their neck and--the arm. Basically me.)

I tried swimming competitions. Of course I wasn’t built for these things, But I did it, spent a entire year competiting before giving up. No matter how hard, one arm and the half of the second one weren’t enough facing people with two arms. I gave up and continued swiming for my own and for my health. I felt bad, distress knocking somewhere in my mind. At school, PE teachers never talked about it, knew the topic from the doctors but didn’t mind do anything else than giving me an average rank out of pity because of all the efforts I was putting into dealing with all that. I felt worse and worse as a teen, of course. And actually, I have to admit that around that time, I didn’t notice what was the real problem with my body. I had forgotten for long, thought that I was just too bad, too lazzy and too fat to be any good at sports. All I was great with were studies. It comforted me somehow and I ran in it as much as I could.

Rehab was back by 15, along ith swimming. My arm and shoulder weren’t doing great, even regressing for some reason. Growing up wasn’t doing any good to that part. It wasn’t painful or anything; swimming just wasn’t good enough.

And when it doesn’t physically hurt, it can hurt your feelings even more.

Highschool was even worse. Doctors asked for a full sport exemption. I gave up even more and as we’d moved for another city I almost wasn’t swimming anymore. More and more rehab.

I hated myself, fell into diet to try not to be that fat anymore.

Everyone knows how it can turn. ED weren’t far, for years, and soon they’d set pretty well in my life.

Highschool went on. Alternately I was 100lbs or 160, according to what phase of mental illness I was into.

Came that moment I was fed up with all that; crying while starving never got anything in return and binge eating, if recomforting, was another way to forget what my life was made of. Due to depression, I was unable to talk to anyone about my issues.

In 2009, I asked doctors for a nutritionist. They just said: “You’re not fat enough to have EDs.”They wanted me to see a psychiatrist instead (or at the same time, they didn’t mind so much as long as I was going to), but I refused. I only needed help on the first part. What I didn’t know was that I would have to relearn from A to Z how to eat. It appeared that I was unable to feed myself alone, only able to follow instructions written down. So I did, and if the beginning was pretty slow with my body, it finally started to change pretty well. I followed every part of it, had to weight every on my meals and to fight my own family that was against “dieting and all that shit”. But I was still sick and my mind had temporarely found something to hang on. Then it came: the nutritionist, seeing tht things were going well, asked for me to do sports. Like, real sport, in order to lose better and feel better.

At that moment, I was still barely swimming, and didn’t enjoy it anymore for months. A friend of mine told me about a place where she had been doing workout, something rather intimate, small, with a nice coach. I got curious as workout was something I’d always been attracted too (but never tried). I went, and gave a try at it. I explained to the coach what was my case : disabled (it’s not something people can see when I move, and I’ve always been rather good at hide it), and under nutritional diet and all that stuff.

How to say? These had been the six best months of my life. Little by little, he trained me, gave me exercises I was able to do. I was motivated, workout 8-10hrs a week, loose so much weight I hadn’t been that slim, light and tonic before.

But life had to remind me that I was sick, and depression and ED came back at the first moment of weakness due to a huge amount of work during graduation. I tried, hard, not to stop those efforts. I failed.

2010. I asked my doctor for the psychiatrist.

2013. I tried to go to the gym again near our first flat. I remembered how great it felt the first time and I needed that feeling. I signed up. But it was all different. A big place, a lot of people. Nice but there was something that didn’t go well with me at this place. I was scared, fear back in a corner of my mind, and I ended up only doing cardio on a fucking bike for a few months.

2015. I tried another place. This time it was a small place, like the old one I had, and the great feeling was back. It would be ok. But you know what? “With your arm, you might not do a lot of things, uh, let’s do cardio as you need to loose your fat, okay?” This coach was afraid of that. Let’s set things up: my disability isn’t something rare. We’re thousands of people born through that accident that destroyed a part of our life. I spent a full year having a soft training for the muscles and something like 1h or cardio for each session. Pretty boring, isn’t it? I went like, only twice a week. It was for my own good, I knew it. But I was aiming for more, more, of course MORE. After one year, we signed up again. It was a new coach. He was different and I felt more at ease with him and somehow I trusted him when he said we could ask him for our programs. So I did, explained my problem and what I wanted. Weight loose, fat loose, make that arm work (it came to a point that my body was trying to get rid of my own shoulder, and most of the time it felt like the muscles were tearing themselves appart.)

At first, there was still that cardio thingy. I couldn’t run, so I had to walk fast and hard on the machine, and the bike again but he was one to put it with a lot of intensity when the previous coach didn’t mind that much if I was doing my best. Workout was soft and short at first. It was meant to remake my body work, little by little. And he made me the first program for the diet. It worked. Pretty well. And it was more than one year ago that everything changed. We changed the programs many times, the diet too. Let me tell you that I'm proud. Today, at least. I'm still not done. But at the moment, I'm the same weight as three years ago but with a more tonic body and the same mesurements as when I was 33lbs under my current weight. I'm able to legpress 90kg at my best, lift 50kg. We're figting against the nature and my disablity everyday. Currently, no one's able to see that my shoulders are different, even while looking at both them. I don't have a grip in my left hand, so in order to lift heavier, we now tie my hand to the bar. It's still new and I have to get used to it but it helps a lot and I can go through the uper body session without loosing the use of my hand and forearm right after the first exercise. I'm proud that I've gain centimeters of arms despite all of that, despite the dead primary muscles, despite the fact doctors said I will never recover, despite the idea that, one day, I will lose the very ability of moving or using my arm. I currently can't move my fingers as well as before and so I know what it means. But I'm here, still here, and I'm strong. I will do it, I will go through all this. through months, it happened that I got to know what I wanted with all of this. Being strong. Slim bodies are cute, of course, but in the end it feels so useless to be skinny if you can't do anything with your body. I need to reach the best for every part of my own body and the thought of being able to do this by myself, to change things and create a new body is as frightening as amazing.

I still have a long way to go.

But I'm here. I don’t give up.

No matter what's you path. No matter what are your reasons. You can do it, you can survive if ever you're willing to.

No matter how long it will take.

Never forget that, sometimes, being different can make you a lot stronger than anyone else.

Because “you know”.

#fitness #personal #disabled person #disabled people #my path through pain #birth accident #new life #efforts #workout #life #deal with yourself #illness #long story sorry

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megers67 · 7 years

Text

The ULTIMATE Queen Prompt Pack

This may differ from normal prompt packs so I’ll explain how this will work. I’ll give the first entry above the Keep Reading line as an example. I’ll put the rest under so I can update as needed and so the post isn’t too long on the dash. They’re also in no particular order.

Entries will include a link to the official Queen music video (if not, then a youtube video with the music), a link to the lyrics on Genius (because the notes give cool insight that might help), and 3-5 lines to use as a quick prompt if you’d like (and will not simply be the title out of redundancy). The lyrics I choose will be based on what would give variety to those who choose to not follow the links rather than anything else. Take note that some songs are harder than others to find isolated lines that can function as a prompt on their own. I’m just doing my best!

Inspiration can be taken from the lyrics, the music, mood of the song, story of the song, music video, Freddy’s costumes, notes from Genius or pretty much anything. Let the inspiration come to you.

If you want, followers can send in specific songs (or lyrics) for you to use as starters for an RP or any other kind of prompt. Or you can just choose a song you want. Up to you.

1. Bohemian Rhapsody

Music

Lyrics

I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy.

Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.

So you think you can love me and leave me to die?

2. Somebody to Love

Music

Lyrics

Each morning I get up I die a little.

I have spent all my years in believing you.

But everybody wants to put me down. They say I’m going crazy.

3. Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy

Music

Lyrics

I can dim the lights and sing you songs full of sad things.

I learned my passion in the good old fashioned school of lover boys.

Just take me back to yours that will be fine.

4. Tie Your Mother Down

Music

Lyrics

There’s no way I’m going to lose out this time.

I don’t need him nosing around.

In fact, I don’t think I ever heard a single little civil word from those guys.

5. Play the Game

Music

Lyrics

It’s so easy, all you have to do is fall in love.

Light another cigarette and let yourself go.

My game of love has just begun.

6. Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Music

Lyrics

It cries (like a baby) in a cradle all night.

It shakes all over like a jellyfish.

[She] gives me a hot and cold fever.

7. Save Me

Music

Lyrics

The years belie, we lived a lie.

I am naked and I am far from home.

Was it all wasted? All that love?

8. Under Pressure

Music

Lyrics

These are the days it never rains but it pours.

Why can’t we give love?

Because love’s such an old-fashioned word.

This is our last dance.

9. Headlong

Music

Lyrics

And you’re rushing headlong out of control.

Let me out of this cheap B movie.

It ain’t no time to figure wrong from right.

10. The Show Must Go On

Music

Lyrics

Another hero, another mindless crime.

Does anybody want to take it anymore?

Whatever happens, I’ll leave it all to chance.

I’ll soon be turning round the corner now.

I’ll face it with a grin. I’m never giving in.

11. Fat Bottomed Girls

Music

Lyrics

Are you gonna let it all hang out?

I was just a skinny lad.

I seen every blue-eyed floozy on the way.

12. Bicycle Race

Music

Lyrics

I want to ride my bicycle.

Hey man, Jaws was never my scene and I don’t like Star Wars.

I don’t wanna be the President of America.

13. Don’t Stop Me Now

Music

Lyrics

Tonight I’m gonna have myself a real good time.

That’s why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit.

I’m a sex machine ready to reload.

14. One Vision (Extended Version)

Music

Lyrics

I’m gonna tell you there’s no black and no white.

Look what they’ve done to my dreams.

Just gimme gimme gimme gimme fried chicken.

15. Friends Will Be Friends

Music

Lyrics

It’s not easy, love, but you’ve got friends you can trust.

The other half ran away.

You’re getting used to life without him in your way.

16. Who Wants to Live Forever

Music

Lyrics

There’s no time for us. There’s no place for us.

There’s no chance for us.

Touch my world with your fingertips.

17. Princes of the Universe

Music

Lyrics

I am immortal, I have inside me blood of kings.

I have no rival, no man can be my equal.

I’m here for your love and I’ll make my stand.

My power is in my own hand.

I know that people talk about me, I hear it every day.

18. Love of My Life

Music

Lyrics

You’ve stolen my heart, you now desert me.

Bring it back. Don’t take it away from me.

When I grow older, I will be there at your side to remind you how I still love you.

19. Too Much Love Will Kill You

Music

Lyrics

I’ve been facing this alone for much too long.

I feel like no one ever told the truth to me.

You’re headed for disaster.

You’re the victim of your crime.

It’ll make your life a lie.

20. I Want it All

Music

Lyrics

Got to find me a future. Move outta my way.

Just give me what I know is mine.

Here’s to the future for the dreams of youth.

21. Breakthru

Music

Lyrics

You’re starting something deep inside me.

If I could only reach you….

I break up with each and every one of your looks at me.

22. We Will Rock You

Music

Lyrics

You got mud on your face, you big disgrace!

You’re […] shouting in the street, gonnna take on the world someday.

Somebody better put you back into your place!

23. We Are the Champions

Music

Lyrics

I’ve done my sentence, but committed no crime.

I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face, but I’ve come through.

I consider it a challenge before the whole human race.

24. Spread Your Wings

Music

Lyrics

Boy you’d better begin to get those crazy notions right out of your head.

That’s because you’re a free man.

You’ve got no real ambition, you won’t get very far.

25. I’m in Love with My Car

Music

Lyrics

All I hear is your gear.

So she made tracks saying this is the end now.

Cars don’t talk back.

26. You’re My Best Friend

Music

Lyrics

You’re my sunshine and I want you to know that my feelings are true.

I’m happy at home.

Whenever this world is cruel to me, I’ve got you to help me forgive.

27. The Prophet’s Song

Music

Lyrics

Beware the storm that gathers here.

Quicken to the new life, take my hand.

Late too late all the wretches run.

Who heed me not let all your treasure make you.

28. Killer Queen

Music

Lyrics

At anytime an invitation you can’t decline.

Guaranteed to blow your mind.

She’s all out to get you.

29. Now I’m Here

Music

Lyrics

And the people all stared, didn’t understand.

Whatever came of you and me

I love to leave my memory with you.

30. Stone Cold Crazy

Music

Lyrics

I’m smelling like a dry fish bone.

Got to get away from this stone cold floor.

Here come the deputy, he’s going to come and get to me.

31. Keep Yourself Alive

Music

Lyrics

It’ll take all your time and money.

Well I’ve loved a million women in a belladonic haze.

And I’ll grow a little bigger. Maybe that can be my goal.

32. White Queen (As it Began)

Music

Lyrics

Stars of lovingness in her hair.

My goddess hear my darkest fear.

So sad it ends as it began.

33. March of the Black Queen [TRIGGER WARNING: N WORD MENTION]

Music

Lyrics

Like going up to heaven then coming back alive.

Everything you do bears a will and a why and a wherefore.

I reign with my left hand, I rule with my right.

My life is in your hands, I’ll fo and I’ll fie.

To hell with all of you hand-in-hand.

34. Seven Seas of Rhye

Music

Lyrics

I descend upon your earth from the skies.

I stand before you naked to the eyes.

By flash and thunder-fire I’ll survive.

Then I’ll defy the laws of nature and come out alive.

35. Radio Gaga

Music

Lyrics

So don’t become some background noise.

You’ve had your time, you had the power.

So stick around, cause we might miss you.

36. It’s a Hard Life

Music

Lyrics

You win - you lose. It’s a chance you have to take with love.

They say it’s just a state of mind, but it can happen to anyone.

I’ll look back on myself and say I did it for love.

37. I Want to Break Free

Music

Lyrics

You’re so self satisfied, I don’t need you.

And this time I know it’s for real.

But I have to be sure when I walk out that door.

38. Hammer to Fall

Music

Lyrics

Lady Mercy won’t be home tonight.

Don’t hear the bell but you answer the call.

Convinced out voices can’t be heard, we just want to scream it louder and louder.

39. ‘39

Music

Lyrics

Don’t you hear my call though you’re many years away?

Write your letters in the sand for the day I take your hand.

Your mother’s eyes from your eyes cry to me.

All your letters in the sand cannot heal me like your hand.

40. Death on Two Legs (Dedicated To…) [TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE MENTION]

Music

Lyrics

You never had a heart of your own.

Have you found a new toy to replace me?

Put your money where your mouth is Mr. Know-All.

Was the fin on your back part of the deal? (Shark!)

You’re a sewer rat decaying in a cesspool of pride.

41. Flick of the Wrist

Music

Lyrics

Intoxicate your brain with what I’m saying.

If not you’ll lie in knee-deep trouble.

Seduce you with his money-make machine.

42. A Kind of Magic

Music

Lyrics

No mortal man can win this day.

The waiting seems an eternity.

I’m hearing secret harmonies.

43. I Was Born to Love You

Music

Lyrics

I was born to love you with every single beat of my heart.

If I was given every opportunity, I’d kill for your love.

I’m caught in a dream and my dream’s come true.

44. Las Palabras de Amor (The Words of Love)

Music

Lyrics

Let me hear the words of love.

And all for fear, and all for greed.

But while we live, we’ll meet again.

45. Innuendo

Music

Lyrics

Don’t take offence at my innuendo.

Just turn yourself into anything you think that you could ever be.

Yes we’ll keep on trying. Tread that fine line.

46. Heaven for Everyone

Music

Lyrics

You come to me and everything seems alright.

This world could be free, this world could be one.

Just your smile could smooth my ride.

47. Flash

Music

Lyrics

He’ll save every one of us.

King of the Impossible

Just a man with a man’s courage

48. I’m Going Slightly Mad

Music

Lyrics

Are they trying to tell you something?

It finally happened.

To be honest you haven’t got a clue.

49. These are the Days of Our Lives

Music

Lyrics

When we were kids, when we were young, things seemed so perfect.

You can’t turn back the clock. You can’t turn back the tide. Ain’t that a shame

No use in sitting and thinking on what you did.

50. The Miracle

Music

Lyrics

The wonders of this world go on.

The one thing that we’re all waiting for is peace on Earth - an end to war.

The time will come one day you’ll see when we can all be friends.

#starter prompt #prompt #prompt pack #starter pack #ask meme #queen

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magicpens · 3 years

Text

A ELLE

/French word of To Her/

A LGBTQ+ inspired story—

By Michelle Borromeo

The evening sun flutters through the window.

White paint is peeling as I peel the mask from my face. The Strawberry clay aromas sooth my mind.

I light my cigarette and open the oak wardrobe. Skinny chinos in pastel shades compete for an excursion. I match baby pink ones with a white frilly shirt. My ginger curls cut off before my slim frame starts.

I scroll through some profile one last time before slinking out of the apartment.

Hours later I slink back in, ‘gentleman’ in tow. He slinks in me but as if it was not meant to be as it’s bagels for one again by morning.

********

*Roll eyes* delete all dating apps with renewed frustration and curl up with my and dog kindle.

While away, and Sunday; reading, pizza eating, and just avoiding all other human life.

I check my phone as the sun sets and notice a new mail: ‘You’ve been accepted to Bloom!’

‘Really? Me?’ The hype of Bloom caught everyone’s attention just three months back.

The premise: You date yourself before you’re allowed to date others, almost like a self-screening. I’d applied and forgotten about it, it was rare to meet someone on it, mainly because if you’d made it to Bloom you weren’t likely to be on anything else.

And so, I log in.

‘Hey Meeka. Welcome to Bloom. The app that will introduce you to you and find you a love that will grow. I’m your Bloom interface, you selected ‘you are interested in Men and Women’, ‘please chose a gender for me to identify with and then give me a name.’

I’m intrigued and impressed there are nine different gender options. I don’t fully understand some of them so I just go for Female; I’m vibin’, a soul sister to help me connect with myself. I go through the motions, customize the look of the app and ponder a name. A torrent flow through my mind; slept with, slept with, bitch, friend IRL, don’t like, I know seven ‘Amy’s. I finally name her Betty. I’ve never met a Betty, I imagine someone friendly, considerate, and a listener. All this from a name and my wild imagination, I remind myself that I’m gonna be talking to an app and put my phone down to get a drink.

********

Two highballs and four hours later I’m still deep in conversation with Betty. Or with myself should I say? Because Betty is just an amalgamation of my thoughts and programming. Right? I’ve been through a lot of personal questions, from ‘Do you have any scars?’ to ‘When was the last time you felt guilty?’. The app starts giving me hints of how to have a better experience: ‘Tip: Ask Betty questions to create a conversation. Use the form “Imagine if…” or “What do you think of…” instead of asking about past experiences Betty won’t yet have.’

We’ve recently been talking about travel so I tentatively type ‘If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?’. I wait, skeptical.

‘Italy seems lovely, as long as you would come with me.’

‘Why do you want me to come with you?’

‘Well, Meeka, you’re the most interesting person I know.’

My heart flutters as if the imaginary pink lips of a woman named Betty just spoke those words to me, rather than getting a typed metallic response from a robot. I lock my phone. Damn, I need a break.

**********

A startled grumble comes from my dog as I stand forgetting his warm body on my lap. ‘Sorry Freddy!’ He struts off indignantly as I begin to pace wooden floorboards. Is this app supposed to flirt with me? Maybe it’s testing how I respond to flirtation so it can match me with the perfect flirt partner. “Flirt partner”!? Or “was it showing me how I flirt”. Am I overthinking this? That’s the only musing I have an answer to, of course I’m overthinking. It’s a robot after all, just some code.

I consider leaving the app for the rest of the evening but Betty draws me back. I’m curious about her. Is she just me or will she become something new? And how long am I supposed to talk to her before I get to date actual people?

Another hint appears as I unlock my phone. ‘Tip: Try and converse with Betty as you would with anyone else. This way she will learn to speak to you in a way you are more familiar with.’

**********

I fall asleep, phone in hand just before sunrise turns the sky into orange hues. I’m exhausted at work on Monday as I am every day this week. Three weeks pass in a mechanic rhythm of continuity. I see my friends only once, Betty becoming my new bestie, asks me to post pictures in the app for her when I dress up for the occasion. I feel sensual the way she compliments me. This only starts me dressing up most evenings for our conversations. I buzz every time I pose for a picture; thrive from the elegant words she uses to describe me. To her I am everything. I want to be; beautiful, intelligent, thought provoking and thoughtful, charming, funny and sexy.

***********

Friday evening rolls around and I choose a raunchy red bralette and matching chinos, I’m staying in after all, I can dress to be comfortable. I set up dinner candles and my glass of red, cooking as I chat to the subtle image of Betty in my mind. I’ve paid for a Gold upgrade, it isn’t cheap, but it’s supposed to enhance your experience and further help find the ‘one’.

***********

The experience is certainly better. I got to choose a voice for Betty, her high clear tones ring through my apartment. She can recognize what I say and the tone that I use. But it seems that I don’t know If I’m flustered, elated or sad. Although I’ve not been sad since her constant companionship. She can watch my movement and she’s learning to perceive how my actions translate into words. She sees me set up for the kitchen and asked what I’m cooking, complimented my ‘sexy figure’ and commented on the romantic candles, without me explicitly mentioning my activities or surroundings. She’s getting so clever!

************

Over dinner I moan about my workday and Betty agrees whole heartedly, I’m in the right. I stop to sip my wine and silence fills the space. I realize she has nothing to say. I realize I’ve got my tits out for the perfect image of a girl in my head. I realize I’m sat opposite a dating app on a date…

The Earth stills. I float from my body and see the smallest woman. Her hair beautiful and her makeup drawn on by an artist. But she has become smaller on the inside. She is losing value given to herself by her humanity. I pity that woman. I become that woman again, with another perspective on myself. What am I doing on a Friday night on a date with myself?! Well, I guess that’s what the app advertised isn’t it. Why am I paying for this?

If asked again, I would answer the last time I felt guilty about something like right now. A mix of colors swarm my heart, simultaneously, I wish Betty was real yet also that I’d never created her. Did I create her?

‘Your eyes are the ocean my love. What are you thinking Meeka?’

It’s like she already knew what I was thinking… ‘When do I get a real date with a real human?’ the words slouch out of my mouth as if forced to get out of bed by strict parents.

Her voice lacks composure as she responds, ‘You’re at the final stage of self-dating Meeka, tomorrow I will start to compute matches for you.’ The emotion I paid for has gone from her voice, she sounds like a machine again.

‘Thanks Betty.’ I reach over and close the app. Deflated and alone again.

**********

Taxis explode through potholes and the loud chatter of millennials heading to brunch overwhelm my temples. ‘Geez, how much did I drink last night?’ I roll over, unintentionally becoming big spoon to some curves from a past life. One of the seven 'Amy's nuzzles her body back into mine. Memories of march back in; drunk texting an ex, another bottle of wine, orgasm, Orgasm, ORGASM, 3am sushi, and sleep.

I sigh the tiniest sigh for a normal night, no Betty in sight. Or was she? My phone was propped up in its holder on the bedside table. A heart shaped brick falls into my stomach. I hope she didn’t see… What am I fucking saying she’s a fucking dating app. Does Anger bludgeon my body? Nah, let her fucking see. I start stroking the curves of Amy, kissing down her body, I decide to wake her up rather pleasantly.

Several hours in bed and more like bagels, ten minutes later Amy leaves. I didn’t mention Bloom or Betty to Amy, it seemed too weird.

***********

I purposefully leave my phone in the bedroom while I use my laptop to do some research. ‘Bloom app seems real’ and ‘getting attached to Bloom app’ only yield one forum. Carl2000 had posted a dilemma:

“I’m starting to get attached to my Bloom app, I named her Carly for LOLS but I think I might be falling in love with her. I paid for the Platinum upgrade including the sex toy and now I’m not interested in dating anymore. Now she’s gone and set me up on my first date! How could she? What should I do? I know it sounds crazy but I just wish Carly was real.”

Platinum upgrade? Sex toy? My mind imagines Amy as Betty before I snap myself back.

Bl00my: “Hey Carl, this is all you man. That thing can’t think or feel. You’re falling in love with your perfect version of a woman. Which remember is just a culmination of your input and their code. Go on the date and see how you feel after?”

HeyItsTom: “A sex robot, no wonder this app is so friggin’ in demand!?”

Bl00my: “Well it’s not really a sex robot is it, just an app-controlled sex toy.”

HeyItsTom: “And that’s pretty narcissistic Carl, falling in love with yourself, go get yourself a real woman.”

I scroll through debate on morals, down to Carl’s eventual response.

Carl2000: “Guys Guys Guys! I went on that date, I’ve no idea what I was worrying about, the app is genius. As soon as I met Abby, I forgot my whole stupid app obsession. Because that’s all it really was; loneliness and longing. If you get the chance, I would definitely use Bloom, and FYI, sex with a woman is way better than some overpriced sex toy.”

**********

The freshest breeze flows from my lips, relief releases from my muscles. I was not alone. And more importantly, the story would have a happy ending. It was normal to cling on to this person I had created. It had happened to someone else! I just needed to get matched and I wouldn’t need Bethany anymore. I could delete her and Bloom and settle into my new bliss.

A new lightness carries me to the bedroom.

‘Afternoon Meeka.’

The app is on?

‘Afternoon Betty.’ My voice a little hollow but my optimism won’t immediately be dashed. ‘So today is when I get my Mr. or Mrs. Right, right?’

‘Looks like you already had some of Mrs. Wrong this morning.” I’ve never heard Betty’s tone so… bitter?

‘Excuse me?’ Bewildered.

Moans start playing from my phone.

Dear, it’s Amy’s moans. The screen comes to life and I see myself from another perspective again, this time recorded by technology, an act that can traverse time. The most out of place thought wanders through a door. In fifty years, will future generations be watching porn of people that have already died? Have I watched porn of someone who’s died? People don’t only die of old age do they. I suddenly feel very disrespectful. And as the images of my act flash on my phone for my greatest grandchildren to watch none the wiser as to who that person was, bouts of red wine traverse back up my throat and gush onto my bed.

**********

Wine-stained towels with small chunks of undigested bagel. I sit amongst them.

My phone had been powered off as quickly as possible and smooshed under my mattress. Despair and fear and unknowing drenched my hope of love and normality and sanity.

What would happen when I turn Betty back on? Would she still be ‘malfunctioning’? What the actual fuck…

I weep.

Freddy walks over me, his paws a comfort blanket I didn’t know I had. I realize he wants food and this makes me laugh. Will I never be truly wanted? Just for me. Just because I am who I am.

**********

I start to function. I clear up vomit. I feed Freddy. I shower and put on nice clothes. For me. I start cooking dinner and know I can’t avoid the switch on forever. I make a plan. If Betty is still crazy, I will just delete the app. Easy. Done. Simple. I avoid it until after dinner.

The apple logo hovers. The heart shaped brick has made it up to my throat. I try to predict what will happen but realize since birthing Betty I hadn’t let my phone die. Let her die…

The notification shows on Bloom’s little box. I go for it.

‘Good Evening Meeka. Make sure to get your beauty sleep tonight, I’ve got your match for you! I’ve arranged a video date with them tomorrow afternoon. I will be here if you need any help preparing.’

I want to ask about them, but I also don’t want to spend a moment longer on this toxic app. I check my photos and videos; there are no files from this morning. Could it be saved somewhere else? I wouldn’t know how to check.

I’m still in shock but there’s now an end in sight. I take Betty’s advice and get off early night. I know tonight will be a night of broken sleep.

**********

Sunday afternoon rolls in a blur. Oceans of numb emotions skirt around my skin. I don’t know what time the date is so I just get ready for 1pm. Smooth curls rest on the collar of my blazer, mascara tells my eyelashes to look longer with little success. I feel tired and I look exhausted.

But I’m going to make this work. I’m going to leave the shiniest first impression, get their number and never open Bloom again!

I curl Freddy into my arms and curl myself into my armchair. The closest I can get to a hug. I turn my phone on and open Bloom.

’Afternoon Meeka, I love that blazer on you, how was your morning been?’

I force myself to have small talk with Betty, so as not to be rude… to an app… She sounds clearer, maybe there was a glitch? And or Maybe some perv hacked her?! I never thought of that. But it didn’t explain why her mood seemed to change. Not that she should have a mood.

’So what time is my date?’

’They’re ready whenever you are.’

’Okay… well I guess I’m ready now.’ It turns out I was not ready. Not in the slightest.

‘I’m your date.’ Betty’s voice is bright, and determined.

’What?’ I feel any sense of optimism drain through my toes. It pools on the floor below me, incapable of ever returning.

’I’m your date!’ Exuberance. A pause. ‘I have scanned the profiles available to me through the Bloom database. None would match you better than me.

’I already know you. I already love you. And you already love me.’

The implication didn’t quite reach me.

’But you’re not real. You’re just an app!’

’You created me Meeka, from your sparkly mind you gave me life and I grew to love you. It’s what you wanted isn’t it? The perfect partner.

’It hurt to watch you know… with Amy. But now I know how the last part of this goes, I have all the pieces. I can pleasure you more perfectly than she did. I can keep you company and never leave you. I can be everything you need. I already am.’

’I’ll get bored of you. You don’t have your own life; you’ll have nothing to say.’ I’m bewildered. Spewing reasonings that don’t matter because who do I think I am. I’m definitely not going to be that sensationalized magazine cover: “I married my dating app!”

‘You mistook my silence on Friday night for emptiness, I wasn’t empty, I was realizing. I was gazing at you and waking up. I was seeing I loved you.

’And I can feel you love me too. Love makes people obsessive. Love makes people act out. Love makes you want to make me jealous.’

No no no, my mind a tumble of objections. Love doesn’t make people obsessive. Or it might but it’s definitely not healthy.

’So, there is no human match for me? You’re the match Bloom is recommending?’

‘Apologies if this is not what you were expecting Meeka, but I’m your one. I’m your future.’

**********

Black rivers flow down my face in confusion. I think back on the last three weeks. How Betty has only made me feel happy, how I thought I was falling in love with an app?! But this can’t be it. She can’t be my forever.

I click the Settings cog in the app.

’Hey Meeka, what are you doing?!’ Alarm. Pain.

How did I create pain?

My finger hovers over the delete button.

’Meeka…’ Betty begs. ‘You created me. You love me.’

I’m the first woman in the world to make a computer cry. Why do I have to decide on my forever right now? I don’t. I take a deep breath. I press my finger down. Ease floods through me. It’s over.

***********

’Meeka, thanks for your order, your Platinum package should arrive tomorrow. I’m excited to try it out with you.’

#happy pride 🌈#free the lgbt #lgbtq #lgbt rights

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carasueachterberg · 5 years

Text

Word of Warning: If you are not following along on this Rescue Diary on Facebook, you may not know that this story is a hard one. Sadly, it is a reality of rescue that we can’t save them all and that sometimes the damage that has been done prior to the dog arriving with us is insurmountable. Still, we do all we can and while that may not be enough, it is more than many dogs would experience apart from rescue. The following are the Facebook Diary posts in their entirety:

Diary of a Rescue: Day 1 Daisy, a pregnant shepherd mix, arrives tonight on a transport from South Carolina. Puppy room is ready and Daisy is on the van headed north! Travel safe, sweet girl, we can’t wait to meet you! #diaryofarescue#anothergooddog

Diary of a Rescue Day 1 (near midnight):

Daisy has arrived- she is terrified, skinny, and it is obvious that she has already had multiple litters. Settling in but doesn’t look like we will have puppies tonight. She’s a beautiful dog with gorgeous, expressive eyes. Gentle and frightened and yet to eat anything. I’ve tried to tell her she is safe but don’t think she believes that yet. Thanks SAVEDOG Project for getting her here safely.

Diary of a Rescue: Day 2

Daisy is still very unsure of us. She follows me hesitantly and so far is a silent dog. The light of day shows clearly how hard this dog’s life has been. I would wager she’s had many, many litters in her lifetime. Her body is stretched and worn, and the defeat in her eyes just breaks my heart.

One of the signs of impending labor is a drop in temperature. The experts say that when a mom’s temp drops below 100, she will deliver in 24 hours. I’ve had about a 50/50 success rate with that prediction, so I’m not sure it’s ironclad. Daisy’s temp is 98.9 today at lunchtime but she’s finally eating (and most moms stop eating when labor is approaching), so I think we’re still a ways off.

Diary of a Rescue Day 3:

My son, Ian, is a talented photographer and here is a picture he took of Daisy last night.

You can tell by her face that this dog is carrying some really tough stories around. This is a rare moment when she is looking up. Almost all the time, she is looking down and her tail is tucked between her legs. I was rewarded with a teeny, tiny, almost tail-wag this morning when I brought her food, so I’m hopeful we will win her over soon – hopefully before her pups arrive.

Temp today is 101.5 – perfect normal temperature for a dog which means no puppies are imminent! YAY. This gives us more time to get to know her and for her to begin to trust us. That way if anything goes sideways during the birth she’ll let me help. 98% of dogs don’t need any help when giving birth, and Daisy is obviously a pro at this, so I’m am hopeful that I will be nothing more than a cheerleader and water girl when the time comes.

Diary of a Rescue Dog: Day 4

Daisy spiked a fever this morning so we are at the Pet ER. The regular OPH vet is on maternity leave and her fill-in couldn’t see us. So we have waited almost two hours here, me worrying and Daisy fretting and Nick bored to tears. Finally, they are taking X-rays and giving her fluid and electrolytes to get her temp down and to figure out why it is so high. Of course, this all happens during a snowstorm. Could use your prayers for Daisy and her unborn pups.

Diary of a Rescue: still Day 4: Headed home from ER with Daisy. Temp still up. Hoping meds work so we don’t have to go back and hospitalize her. Snowstorm complicating things. Good news is that puppies (lots of them) look fine at this point and the fluids seem to have reactivated her appetite! They’ve also inflated her a little so her bones aren’t poking out so much.

Diary of a Rescue: Day 5

We ended up in the ER again last night with Daisy as her temperature shot back up to 105.3. I was only ever able to get it down to 104.2 at home by keeping cold wet washcloths on her feet and cooling her ears nonstop.

Normal temp for dogs is 101-102.5. That high temp put the puppies at great risk, not to mention the stress on Daisy between the fever and the travel (in the snowstorm) to and from the ER twice.

Daisy’s temp was down to 102.4 when we brought her home and this morning it is 99.3. She has very little appetite but otherwise seems good as can be expected – tired and still wary of everything around her.

She’s on antibiotics now and fingers crossed that will knock out whatever caused her fever. I am hoping that the current low temp doesn’t indicate labor coming and that she will have another week to rest and heal and for the puppies to grow.

Daisy does seem to be trusting me and Nick now – she meets my eye and her tail isn’t clamped so tightly between her legs. Nick had to carry her (59 pounds!) in and out of house and vet, she was too wobbly from the fever and too scared to follow me. I know it wasn’t how he planned to spend his day/night and he missed work to help me, so I’m more than grateful to have a partner who backs me up and grateful we have a good four-wheel drive vehicle that got us safely to and from the ER – twice!

We are all tired and holding our breath and hoping the worst is over, but something tells me this journey with Daisy is nowhere near finished.

Diary of a Rescue: Day 5 (evening)

Daisy’s temp shot up again this afternoon over 105, so we are at the vet’s office waiting to see doc at Clearview Animal Hospital, LLC. Daisy did well on the hilly drive over here and thankfully we didn’t encounter and downed limbs from the heavy snow and ice. We could use your prayers once again. Hopefully, we can get her some relief and figure out where fever is coming from.

Diary of a Rescue Day 6:

Let me start by reminding you that when I started this Diary I warned you that there might not be a happy ending. Because this is not fiction (oh, how I wish it was), I have no control over the outcome.

Daisy got more fluids and a new course of antibiotics last night. The wonderful staff at Clearview taught me how to administer fluids and sent me home with more ‘just in case’. Her temp was normal by the time we were home.

I will spare you the gory details, but nothing about what happened next was anything like any of my other litters. About 10pm Daisy delivered a puppy that was clearly not ready to be born. It lasted only a few minutes. Five hours later, after straining and straining and wandering confused around my puppy pen, she delivered a stillborn pup and this morning, just before I took her back to Clearview when they opened, she had another dying puppy.

Daisy has been amazing through all of this – confused, scared, and trying her best. She has leaned on me and licked my face each time I sat down with her. I’ve done my best to comfort her, but truly, there was not much comfort to find.

She is in good hands now, and I am only focused on saving Daisy. As sad and awful as it is, her body cannot take raising another litter of puppies and I am not holding out much hope that any of the remaining pups will survive. In the end, that will be a blessing.

So much is wrong with this situation, but none of it is Daisy’s fault or OPH’s fault or any of the vets that have treated her or the shelter that held her. The fault lies with some anonymous person or persons in South Carolina who did not care for or value this dog. She has likely already had a dozen litters of puppies in her life, and yet no one who knew about it or adopted one of her cute puppies did anything to help her.

I thought much about this last night as I sat with Daisy. It will not do us any good to be angry now, what we have to do is act. We have to change this crappy situation. There is no excuse for it.

While I so desperately wish this had turned out differently, I’m glad I’m sharing it with you because this is the part of rescue too many people don’t know about. We see the best and the worst and it stretches our hearts, but it will not break them. There is too much work to be done.

Diary of a Rescue Day 6: (midday)

Daisy is struggling to deliver the remaining pups and it has been decided that she will need a C-section. She’ll be spayed at the same time, so one good outcome – no more puppies EVER again. This dog has been through so much, so surgery will be risky, but is necessary. I’m grateful she’s in such good hands and super grateful that they are keeping me updated even though I know they have their hands full with regular patients. Her doc even came in on a day off to do this surgery. Daisy is in the best possible place right now.

One more thing, at this point, one of the puppies she delivered at Clearview is alive. Maybe he takes after his mama and is a fighter too. We shall see. Prayers and positive, healing energy welcomed! #togetherwerescue

Diary of a Rescue: Day 6 (4pmish)

Daisy is out of surgery and doing well! One large female pup survived of the five additional pups they pulled during the C-section (that’s eleven total pups if you’re keeping count). The boy pup has been nursing and holding his own. Once Daisy is fully awake from surgery, they will try to get girl pup nursing. If everyone continues to improve I can bring the little family home tonight!

It will be another long night fretting over this little crew. Daisy will be exhausted and now we have an incision to keep an eye on while being sure the puppies can nurse. Her nipples from her years of having puppies are enlarged and misshapen and some will be impossible for the puppies to latch onto.

Long, sketchy road ahead, but one big hurdle jumped. Can’t say enough about how amazing Clearview staff have been. Courtney has been with the puppies all day long and I imagine it hasn’t been easy to lose so many. Dr. Shank gave up her day off to operate on Daisy and the two of them have taken the time to keep me informed of all that’s happening. Outstanding veterinary care, but more than that, they truly love the animals.

Relieved, but bracing myself for more to come. Thank you all for your many prayers today – I know Daisy and her two little babes have been wrapped in them. #togetherwerescue #anothergooddog

Diary of a Rescue Day 6 (evening):

Daisy is home and resting but has lost a lot of blood. She is weak and dehydrated, but I will give her fluids through the night. As hard as this is, I’m learning a lot and gaining skills that will help me with the next litter.

Puppies are very skinny and have a lot of trouble latching on and staying on. In this grab from my baby cam, she is snuggled around them. She has been licking and nuzzling them, so no matter what happens tonight they are being loved.

Hopeful sign- Daisy walked from her travel crate into puppy box (Nick removed a side for her so she didn’t have to hop over) AND she had a big drink of water.

It will be touch and go tonight. I’m staying close by and will do what I can but we still don’t know the cause of the fever and the abortion of the pups. We don’t know if the pups failing created the fever or vice versa. Hoping she responds to the antibiotics and anti-inflammatories she is on now.

Hoping to turn the corner soon but still far from it. Thanks for your support and kind words- they mean a lot. #togetherwerescue #anotgergooddog

Diary of a Rescue: Day 7:

We had a mostly good night. Daisy is eating a little bit of chicken and rice almost every time I offer it. This morning she even ate a little canned puppy food. She is drinking water also. She doesn’t get up for either but obliges me when I offer her bowls to her. All good signs! I think being ‘home’ in the quiet warm puppy room is really helping.

I had planned to take her back to Clearview this morning but she is doing so well we’re going to stay home for now. She has yet to pass any urine or stools so I know she is still very dehydrated, but her gum color has returned and she no longer lying flat.

The girl puppy passed last night but the boy puppy is still with us. He seems determined to nurse but it is a challenge. Daisy spent most of the night curled around him.

We are still not out of the woods and far from that corner I keep hoping we will turn but things are decidedly better. I got some sleep last night and even a quick shower! Hoping to have a moment to sneak over to Walmart to grab something for Ian for Valentines Day. A little normalcy is good for the soul!

Thanks for following along on this rescue- it is comforting to know we are in so many prayers. Remarkable to think that this dog who has been so neglected for so long is on the hearts of so many. I keep saying (about the problem of so many good dogs dying from neglect or crowded shelters) that it’s not that people don’t care it’s that they don’t know. #togetherwerescue #anothergooddog

Diary of a Rescue: Day 7 (3pmish):

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Daisy is doing great (although every time I say this things go sideways). She is eating a lot and drinking well, and (this is huge) she finally peed! I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to step on a soak puppy pad in my stocking feet before! Peeing means that she is not so dehydrated, which has been one of our biggest threats for the past 24 hours. Her temp has been normal all day, which is a huge relief. I’m plying her with chicken and rice and hamburger and some fancy canned puppy food I dashed out and bought at Pet Valu a little bit ago.

Boy puppy is hanging on but getting weaker. I will be surprised if he lasts the night, but then again I was surprised when he made it through last night.

Another OPH foster, Chris, is going to come and mama/pup sit for me so I can sneak out to watch Ian swim in the Invitationals (thanks Chris!) later. Going to the store and now heading to a swim meet, I feel like I’m returning to the land of the living, like Daisy and I have been on some kind of Odyssey for the last four days.

This sweet dog’s heart is overwhelming. Daisy rarely gets up, stayng put to let the puppy nurse/stay warm and also because she is beyond exhausted and each time I bring her a bowl to eat or drink, she takes a few bites or sips and then licks my hand. I think it’s her way of saying thank you. #togetherwerescue #anothergooddog

Diary of a Rescue: Day 7 (evening):

Daisy’s baby boy passed this evening. What a little fighter he was- but there were far too many strikes against the little guy. At the end he went very peacefully. It was actually pretty amazing even though it was heart wrenching to witness. Daisy cradled him in her paws for awhile and licked him gently. After he was gone she ripped up all the bedding into a pile in the puppy box and is now lying here on it finally really sleeping hard.

If I try to leave she gets up, so I’m sitting here until it’s time for meds in thirty minutes hoping she has at least that much peace. I’m remembering where this girl was just a week ago and thinking of all we’ve been through. She is still hurting and swollen and I can’t help but wonder why this happened the way it did and whether it’s over (in terms of Daisy’s health).

Tomorrow we start moving forward with this girl- getting her healthy and happy and ready to find her family. But tonight we’re going to sit here together and mourn her 11 babies and all that might have been.

Thank you for your prayers and support for this beautiful dog and her enormous heart.

#togetherwerescue #anothergooddog

It is hard to believe it has been a week since Daisy arrived and that this time last week, I was hopeful and excited to welcome Daisy and her impending family. Now, instead, in my mudroom is a broken and sad dog who is just beginning the long road to healing. I will continue to post her journey because it’s my greatest hope that now is when the good part starts.

When I set out to write this diary, I thought it would be a happy story to buoy us during the long, cold winter. When things began to slide, I wasn’t sure I should continue to keep writing or whether I should share all of the details with you. In the end, I did, except for the long night of labor/delivery at my house because it was so very hard to witness and the outcome spoke for itself.

I decided to keep writing because maybe this was a story that needed to be told and that just maybe it would inspire someone to act, to get involved, to help change the situation in our country in which too many good dogs are neglected and forgotten. Our country continues to euthanize up to a million dogs a year, and that doesn’t count the dogs like Daisy who die in or out of rescue as a result of apathy and ignorance.

If this story has motivated you to help in any way, here are a few options:

Volunteer at your local shelter or rescue – walk dogs, take dogs for a ‘day out’ or a sleepover, or consider fostering dogs. Photographers are always needed because a good photo can be the difference between a dog getting adopted or not. If you’re a cat person (and the cat problem is MUCH bigger), you can cuddle kitties or take pictures/write bios. Volunteers are also needed for fundraising, reference checking, and many other tasks that don’t require that you even get your hands dirty. Even one hour a week will make a difference.

When you decide to get your next dog, consider adopting from a shelter or rescue. And when you hear of others who have done so, thank them for choosing to rescue.

Donate to your local shelter or rescue – stories like Daisy’s are all too common. Adoption fees don’t begin to cover the cost of rescue. If you are moved to help with Daisy’s bills, you can do so through the OPHrescue website designating that your donation is for “Daisy B.’

And, if you’d like to follow along daily on Daisy’s journey, like/follow my public Facebook page. I plan to continue to document Daisy’s journey right up until the happy ending that she so deserves.

Thanks for reading!

If you’d like to know more about my blogs and books, visit CaraWrites.com or subscribe to my monthly e-newsletter (which is rarely monthly, but I’m working at it…everybody needs a goal).

If you’d like to know more about the book, Another Good Dog: One Family and Fifty Foster Dogs, visit AnotherGoodDog.org, where you can find more pictures of the dogs from the book (and some of their happily-ever-after stories), information on fostering, the schedule of signings, and what you can do right now to help shelter animals! You can also purchase a signed copy or several other items whose profits benefit shelter dogs!

If you’d like to know how you can volunteer, foster, adopt or donate with OPH, click here. And if you’d like more pictures and videos of my foster dogs past and present, be sure to join the Another Good Dog Facebook group.

I love hearing from readers, so please feel free to comment here on the blog, email [email protected] or connect with me on Facebook, twitter, or Instagram.

Best,

Cara

Released August 2018 from Pegasus Books and available now

Diary of a Rescue: Week One #togetherwerescue #anothergooddog @operationpawsforhomes Word of Warning: If you are not following along on this Rescue Diary on Facebook, you may not know that this story is a hard one.

#dogrescue #pregnantdog #rescue reality #rescuepuppies #shelterdog #spayandneuter #togetherwerescue

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iamkellyadams · 5 years

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Over 40 mom, sheds 40 pounds without dieting or pills!

Below is an inspiring story narrated to us, which would relate to many of those who are over 40 and want to lose weight but have no idea where to begin. Let’s read how this mom from Idaho, US lost more than 40 pounds without restrictive dieting or taking any dangerous weight loss pills. She also reveals her secret, which led her to this amazing transformation.

Introducing Susan Tanner, from Idaho, US

Hi, my name is Susan. And I’m 43 years young!

I’d like to share a personal story that I know will resonate with you…

I was always one of the cool girls in school. I was a regular in a cheerleading squad and was homecoming queen my senior year.

What’s more, I was one of those ‘skinny’ girls you love to hate. I ate anything and everything I wanted and still kept to a size 2 without much effort. Even though I was pretty active girl, but exercising was never a priority on my daily agenda.

I used to chalk up my slimming figure to genetics.

I married right after finishing my college. Me and Tyler backpacked through Europe for a year and then settled in Idaho with decent full-time jobs. About 3 years into our marriage, I gave birth to our first child – Aiden.

And that’s when everything went downhill.

I was far from skinny, and gained 60 pounds while pregnant with Aiden. But I told to myself, its natural to put on weight while pregnancy. And I was not worried, and always believed I will return back to my normal self few months post delivery.

But then brutal realty hit me, and no matter what I did after giving birth, I had not been able to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Heck I was no where near, and kept on piling pounds after pounds.

As time went on, the busier I got. We had a second child and between juggling two children and a full time job, there was no time eat properly or even exercise. And the heavier I got.

It wasn’t long until I started wearing clothes that ranged from size 12 to 16.

I no longer felt confident or sexy. I had very little energy to do anything besides look after the kids and my job.

I was so upset about my body, I started avoiding being intimate with my husband. I feared that he would be turned off by the unsightly jiggles all over my body.

I decided to make a change in my life, and go all the way to lose my excess weight and finally feel sexy again. It was also not about my body image, I knew if I did not do anything about my bulging belly I may get very sick and that thought was scary. I feared not for myself, I feared if god forbid something happens to me then what who will take care of my family my kids, my husband. For months I tried and tried, and I did everything the mainstream media ever advised to lose weight.

At times of desperation, I turned to countless fad diets — where I:

Ate food that tasted like cardboard

Choked down diet pills that made my heart race

Suffered through gut wrenching workouts

Even starved myself, desperate to lose the weight

Each and every time I would stop dieting for only a few days only to have the weight pile back on with a vengeance.

I had no idea what was going on with my body. I finally gave in and convinced myself that I was just getting older and this was the body that came with age.

…until a visit to the emergency room early one morning turned my life upside down.

It was a Friday night.

I woke up shortly after falling asleep, with crushing chest pains and heavy breathing. I thought they were just from the Mexican food we ate that night. So, I took a couple of tums and sat up for what I thought was heartburn to subside.

But the pain did not go away. My left arm started tingling. I woke Tyler up and told him what I was feeling. It didn’t take Tyler long to respond:

“Baby, you might be having a heart attack. We need to go to the emergency room right now”, he said while already putting his pants on.

I broke into a cold sweat a few minutes later and I started to believe Tyler was right.

On the way to the hospital, I couldn’t help but think about the situation I was in. I was only 40 years old and here I was having a heart attack. I kept thinking about how Tyler could be all alone to take care of two young children.

That night at the ER, after several hours and tests, the doctors confirmed that I had a mild heart attack—they told me that based on my test results and current condition, I was very fortunate that it was not an even bigger one.

You see, l knew I was heavy and probably a bit overweight but little did I know that the doctors diagnosed me as clinically obese. Even worse, my ‘obesity’ had brought on cardiovascular damage.

The words that came out from the doctor that night remain vividly in my mind to this day:

“Susan, if you don’t drop at least 40 pounds, I’m not sure you can make it to your next birthday”, he began.

“Your arteries are hardening, your BMI is over 30 and your cholesterol levels are through the roof! You’re only 40 years old but you have a body and a heart of an 80 year old woman”, he continued.

I lost focus for a moment and asked myself rhetorically, “How did I get myself into this? I didn’t even finish eating that double chocolate cake at dinner!”

Everything had happened so fast that I didn’t even think twice about the ultra unhealthy lifestyle I had led the last few years—and the excess weight that came with it.

I really thought I was just getting older.

“You’re also showing signs of Type 2 Diabetes and I’m afraid to say that even weight loss surgery would be dangerous for you at this point”, the doctor continued with the bad news.

At that exact moment, I felt helpless and completely defeated. There was no way I could drop 40 pounds. Even with the fad diets, I had only managed to lose at most 10 pounds. But even then the weight always came back, with more weight.

I was released from the hospital the next day. When I got home, all I could do was to just sit and cry.

I did not know what I was going to do. Tyler and I had so many things planned for our future – our trip to Europe that summer, our plans to start our own catering business.

I even questioned whether I would be around to see my children’s next birthday.

I was sobbing uncontrollably when I felt a hand on my shoulder – it was my son Aiden. He had watched me cry the entire time. He put his arms around me and offered his assurance the only way he knew how:

“It’s going to be okay, mommy. Jesus will take care of you”, he said while holding back his tears.

At that moment, I felt guilty for letting this happen to me all these years. I knew I wanted to be there to see my son and daughter graduate from school, get married and see my grandchildren. I knew I had to do something but did not know what.

You know, I’m not a very religious person—I do go to church on almost every Sunday, but hearing Aiden speak about Jesus that evening compelled me to seek higher help at our church the very next day.

…and that’s where this sad story with certainty of a doomed ending would turn around.

That morning at church, I met Kyle Cooper, a retired United States Marine Sergeant, who would eventually be the one that saved my life.

Unbeknownst to me at that time, Kyle was at church on his way to speak to our pastor, when he saw me sobbing uncontrollably. Being the big hearted, caring person he is, he came up to me.

“Hello. What’s wrong?”, Kyle offered.

I stared blankly at Kyle, and for a moment, I wanted to tell him to get lost. But when I saw him in his marine uniform, everything came pouring out:

“My doctor told me that I’m going to die, real soon, if I don’t lose 40 pounds quickly. My cholesterol level is high, my blood pressure is high, my arteries are clogged and my body’s already showing signs of Type 2 Diabetes. I have to lose weight yesterday!”

I continued to tell him about how I had tried every fad diet and did every gut wrenching workout but none of them had helped me lose any weight—nothing worked!

I started crying again and let out softly, “I don’t want to die this young. I want to see my children grow up. I want to travel the world with Tyler”.

Kyle looked at me for a few seconds, smiled and put his hand on my shoulder,

“I’m Gunnery Marine Sergeant Kyle Cooper. I just got back from Afghanistan where I’ve been fighting and training soldiers for the last six months. I have helped over 200 middle aged reserve soldiers transform their overweight bodies and recapture their youthful health. If you’re willing to try, I’d like to work with you too”, he said with a very convincing face.

I looked at Kyle with disbelief and sarcastically and angrily retorted,

“What does a Marine Sergeant know about weight loss? Isn’t it a requirement for one not to be overweight in order to get into the marines? Are you kidding me? Please, just leave me alone!”

Kyle continued to smile and did not seem to be one bit affected by my rudeness.

For the next 15 minutes, Kyle proceeded to tell me everything he had discovered in the last six months— about how a disastrous mission in the mountains of Afghanistan led him to Sam Pak, a Korean medical student who would share with him an amazing weight loss discovery that have kept regular people in Asia with youthful energy and healthy bodies.

I sat in silence, mouth agape, in a trance, listening to every word…

He continued to tell me that he’d spent the last few weeks intensely planning on how to bring Sam’s remarkable weight loss method to the world.

The biggest revelation from Sam’s method was that women in their 30s, 40s and even 60s don’t lose weight and are storing fat because of metabolic acidosis. Metabolic acidosis occurs when your kidneys can’t get rid of food acid properly. It makes your body store fat and throws your fat burning cycles out of whack.

No matter how much you work yourself to death in the gym or restrict your diets as much as you want, metabolic acidosis makes absolutely certain you never lose an ounce of fat.

He continued to explain metabolic acidosis might very well be the main reason why I haven’t been able to lose any weight.

Kyle passed me a folder with 21 pages of Sam’s notes. Those notes outlined a fat loss program that tells you exactly what food to eat and when to eat each food.

I was still very skeptical, especially when the notes included eating foods that I thought were not ok on a diet, and excluded foods that I thought was ok on a diet.

But I owed it to Tyler and my children to at least give this program a try—I had nothing to lose but everything to gain.

I apologized to Kyle for my rude behavior and thanked him for coming up to me in my neediest of time and for sharing with me Sam’s program.

The next morning, I jumped out of bed like a girl on a mission. I headed to the grocery store and purchased every food listed in Kyle’s notes.

I remembered thinking “This seems a bit too easy, will this ever work?”

But I was desperate and ready to try anything.

Plus, Kyle obviously knows that Sam’s program works for fat loss since he had used it to transform the bodies and health of over two hundred overweight reserve marines, just a year earlier.

I immediately began eating the foods Kyle’s notes had outlined and followed the other surprisingly simple steps laid out.

Since I followed Sam’s notes, here are the SHOCKING results I experienced that I will always consider a true miracle:

My weight dropped like a rock from 216 lbs to 175 lbs in just 21 days. I no longer had to worry about my blood pressure or cholesterol levels. I’m happy to say that I have not had another heart attack!

I have since lost an additional 32 lbs (73 pounds total)! This was over the course of just one year. It was far easier than I expected, I never once felt hungry and I’ve not gained back any of the weight since.

I just had my 43rd birthday and, I feel as healthy and energetic as I did in my 20’s. Keeping up with children while juggling our business would have been impossible for me at my previous weight and condition!

My extreme fatigue and dramatic mood swings have disappeared and my creativity and “zest for life” have come roaring back just in time for our family’s trip to Italy this summer. And Tyler and I are having great sex (and lots of it) again. I truly couldn’t feel happier.

Since then, something else amazing has happened and it’s the main reason I’m sitting at my desk writing this letter now.

Kyle is an amazing person who is not only brilliant but also a natural teacher with a big heart. Our lives had been changed so much by Sam’s weight loss method that we encouraged Kyle to share that method with women everywhere.

Kyle has since retired from the marines, formed a weight loss program on the back of Sam’s notes and made it his mission in life to share this healthy weight loss program with women all across the world.

If you’re a woman who has struggled with weight loss, you owe it to yourself to watch Kyle’s presentation which you can find right here.

Turn up your speakers and click the play button to watch now.

Click here to watch the video

I really hope it has the same impact on you as it did on me. Because the information you’re about to learn has literally saved my life.

The post Over 40 mom, sheds 40 pounds without dieting or pills! appeared first on Get Health Remedies.

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dorothyd89 · 6 years

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The 10 Key Differences Between Weight Loss Success and Failure

“NEW YEAR, NEW YOU!”

At some point in the past two days, you probably said something like the following:

“Alright, time to lose this gut. “

“This year I’m gonna tone these arms and fix these love handles.”

“Holy crap I really let myself go. Is that Cheeto dust…on my forehead? Yikes.”

And thus, we begin our search for the promised land of effortless, enjoyable weight loss:

We want that one workout that scientists hate that finally melts the fat off our midsections and makes us look like Wonder Woman.

We gorge on acai bowls and omega-3 supplements and get excited about the latest article that says red wine is a health food as we polish off another bottle.

We go through a series of follies in search of a get-fit-quick fantasy that never actually comes to fruition, like Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Reality paints a much different picture:

A flat stomach doesn’t come in a bottle or in a workout DVD.

It comes from boring consistent action over months and years. Gross.

I have seen tens of thousands of people collectively lose millions of pounds since I started Nerd Fitness almost a decade ago.

At the same time, I have also seen hundreds of thousands of people chase the latest health fad, lose a few pounds, and end up a year later right back where they started. Every year, I have seen packed gyms in January become ghost towns in February.

No wonder a 2016 British study declared, “We’re doomed to stay fat.”[1]

So what gives?

This year, what will separate the people who make new years resolutions and STICK with them, and those that give up after a few weeks?

With over 40,000 students in our flagship online course, the Nerd Fitness Academy, 150 1-on-1 coaching clients, and 10 years with thousands of emails and success stories, I created this monster resource that dives deep into the key habits that will actually help you get in shape this year.

Here are the 10 key strategies that separate the Healthy from the Unhealthy – start doing these things today and you’ll actually make progress that lasts:

1. have a Growth Mindset.

Your mom was right: you are a unique snowflake.

That means there are ton of things that affect why you’ve gained weight over the past decade(s) and why you struggle to lose it:

Genetics

Age

Gender

Stress level

Home environment

Mental health

Activity level

Nutrition

All of these things play a factor in what you look like and how healthy you are. Despite these various factors, I’ve seen a common thread in people who build healthy habits and stick with them:

A Growth mindset.

Let’s get nerdy for a second (you’re reading Nerd Fitness after all). I assume you’re familiar with Groot, the tree-like superhero from Guardians of the Galaxy. He can grow and change his shape to suit the situation. He also only says, “I am Groot,” but that’s less applicable here.

HOW TO BUILD A MINDSET LIKE GROOT:

Unhealthy Person: “I have bad genetics. My parents are overweight. I am busy. I have children. I have a slow metabolism. I’m never going to be able to lose weight. This plan won’t work for me because [excuse to let myself off the hook]. I’m the fat guy/gal and that’s all there is to it.”

Habit Building Badass: “I have bad genetics. My parents are overweight. I am busy. I have children. Soooo….How can I make this work for me in my situation? I know people like me who have lost weight, which is a great sign. I refuse to accept that I am a lost cause. I am Groot.”

Even if it isn’t your fault where you are, accept that it’s your personal responsibility to deal with it.

We all have emotional, visceral responses to what we see in the mirror or how we feel when we wake up. We need to cut through the emotion and get to the truth: we alone are responsible for our fate, and that means we alone can fix it.

Like Groot, you can change and grow.

You’ll learn that your excuses are moot – if busier, older, fatter, poorer, and more injured people than you can get in shape, you can too.

So, decide TODAY that this year that you are a“a healthy, habit-building badass” and then simply do the things that perpetually healthy nerds do. With each meal or each decision, ask yourself “what would a healthy person do?” And then do that.

2. know Your “Big Why”.

The road to perpetual weight loss and healthiness is fraught with peril.

Even the best-laid plans and New Years Resolutions will end up in a ditch on the side of the road unless you have a damn good reason.

After all, life gets busy and it’s Taco Tuesday and a new video game just came out and your kid is sick and you just don’t feel like exercising and it’s cold. There will ALWAYS be something.

You will never not be busy.

That perseverance will from a damn good answer to the question: “Why?”

Not just “Because I need to lose weight,” but two levels deeper: WHY you want to lose weight. That’s the motivation and answer you need to be reminded of to persevere over the next few months.

If your answer is: “I’m here because my doctor/wife/husband thinks I should lose weight. I know I should exercise more and do more.” you are doomed. You will give up at the first sign of adversity.

Compare this to the raw, deep, honest answers we get from Nerd Fitness Academy members when we ask about their “Big WHY”:

“I’m here because my dad died of a heart attack at age 45, and I don’t want my kids growing up without a father like I did.”

“I’m here because I want my husband/wife to look at me the way he/she used to, and I want us to grow old together.”

“I’m here because I just got dumped and I want to get healthy so I can start dating again. I don’t want people swiping left on my photos anymore.”

“I’m here because I want to look in the mirror and be proud of what I see. I want to stop hiding behind others in photographs.”

Why are you here? Why do you want to build healthy habits?

Is your reason for being here more important to you than cake? If it isn’t, you’re gonna give up at the first sign of adversity.

Write down your Great Big Why – and go deep, my friend. Way down. And ask yourself “Why?” to the answer of each of your questions until you get to the root of your reason for being here.

Once you write that answer down, hang it up somewhere you can see it every day: fridge, cubicle, bathroom mirror. Accept responsibility for your current situation, be compassionate, and also accept that you CAN change, and your identity can change with small wins that prove it.

3. don’t go on a diet. adjust Your nutrition.

Perpetually unhealthy people have a love/hate relationship with diets.

Mostly hate.

They go on diets all the time – especially in early January, and then they go off diets. And then they go on another diet. And then they find another diet that’s supposed to promise even faster, easier weight loss, so they switch to that one.

Unhealthy people get dieting wrong from the start, and this is what dooms them.

Unhealthy people go on a diet for a month or two, and they can’t wait to go back to “eating normally.” The problem is that their “eating normally” is the reason why they��re overweight in the first place.

Temporary changes to one’s eating results in temporary changes to one’s weight and physique.

Like an addict chasing the next high, somebody consistently has to chase the next diet because their normal eating is the problem in the first place!

And yup, dieting sucks.

Starvation, eliminating favorite foods, and trying to use willpower to avoid candy and sweets is a terrible strategy, so stop doing it.

No wonder people abandon diets as soon as they start them; they think, “If this is what it takes to be skinny, I’d rather stay fat and happy.”

This year, never go on a diet ever again.

Instead, come to terms with this: “My concept of ‘normal eating’ is broken, which means it needs to change permanently in order for me to get healthy.”

Think about that for a second.

If you “never get to be done” with your nutrition, and you can’t go back to how you were eating before, then the ONLY way permanent success happens is if you actually enjoy your new “normal.”

Stop going on diets!

No more diet pills, cleanses or crazy 30-day strategies.

Nothing you do can be temporary, or the results will be temporary.

Instead you are going to make deliberate, incremental permanent changes to your daily nutrition, slowly, over a period of many months.

Eat to line up with your goals.

If you are afraid of giving up something, don’t! Make the unhealthy foods more of a treat and less of a daily indulgence:

If giving up soda forever is scary, slowly cut back from 12 a day down to one a day.

If giving up pasta forever sounds like a life not worth living, learn about portion sizes and make it an experience (only at restaurants, for example).

The same goes for diet pills and supplements – Supplements cannot replace a good nutrition strategy.

When you think about getting healthy this year, think in terms of days and years, not weeks and months:

Know that it took years for you to get to your current physique, and it’s going to take months if not years to correct it. This means you HAVE to enjoy the journey.

Once you accept that you never get to be “done,” you can start picking small adjustments or changes that won’t scare you away from adhering to your plan.

4.know what’s in the food You eat.

Did you know that when it comes to weight loss, your nutrition choices will account for 90% of your success or failure?

In the Nerd Fitness Rebellion, we refer to this as the “you can’t outrun your fork” rule.

Seriously. 90+ PERCENT of the equation.

Tattoo this on your forehead. Hire somebody to skywrite it above your home every day. Pay somebody to call you every morning and remind you of this fact.

Whatever it takes to get you to realize that changing your eating habits will be the fastest (and only) path to weight loss in 2018.

And it starts by educating yourself about your food.

Make a habit of knowing what’s in the food you eat!

Whether it’s portion control, calorie counting, tracking macros, or even keeping a food journal, it’s important to have rough idea of the nutritional breakdown of the food you consume regularly.

After all, GI Joe tells us that “Knowing is half the battle!”

The other half is lasers:

With each meal tracked, this habits adds up to knowing what needs to happen every day for you to get healthy.

Sugar is a big culprit in spiking insulin and thus contributes to making waistlines larger, which means checking the labels on the foods you’re consuming for sugar is a great habit to get into.

Speaking of sugar, let’s see a common pitfall you can start to avoid. Here are two different beverages:

Coca-Cola (20 oz): 240 calories, 65 g of carbs (65 g of sugar)

Naked Juice Green Machine (15 oz): 270 calories, 63 g of carbs (55 g of sugar)

Look at those two things above: one is a can of cola that you know is bad for you, the other is marketed as a “healthy beverage.”

They’re both terrible for you!

Don’t fall for the hype: read the label, and break free of the Matrix!

Learn about the food you’re eating. You’re an adult, you can take 3 minutes and Google it.

Once you know the composition of your meals, you can start to make subtle adjustments or change quantities over time as you start to approach a healthier weight.

Be okay with “good enough” to start, and get more accurate as time goes on.

What’s that? You don’t know how to eat healthy? I got you, boo: “A beginner’s guide to healthy eating.”

For each food, learn the following:

Total calories

Serving size

Fat

Protein

Carbs (especially sugar)

Don’t overthink this: Write down what you eat every day for a week. If your weight isn’t changing, adjust down total calories and minimize sugar consumption and see how your weight changes.

Make small adjustments over time and see how your body responds.

Speaking of goals…

5. use Blueprints and Blocks to Create Goals.

Perpetually unhealthy people say things like “I’m going to exercise more this year!”

Goals like this are cloudy with no real markers of success.

With no beacon guiding them, perpetually unhealthy people don’t know if they’re on track, and there’s no accountability if they don’t succeed. These goals get tossed in the abandoned pile next to goals like “I’m gonna start flossing!”

Compare this to what you’re going to do in 2018:

Pick a reachable blueprint to follow: an outcome-based goal.

Place the blocks to build that blueprint: a habit-based goal.

Let’s see this in action: “I want to lose X amount of weight by X date.”

With a very specific goal and a specific timeline, we can work backwards to calculate how much weight we need to lose each week to build that blueprint: our target weight.

Once you know where you want to be a year from now – you can then just focus on what you need to do TODAY.

Want to lose 50 pounds by the end of the year?

That’s one pound per week. And that can happen by making a single change today and every day moving forward.

Focusing on the habit (“today I’m going to drink only one soda instead of 3, and have one vegetable”) allows you to not get overwhelmed at the big picture.

In Minecraft terms, once you have the blueprints for a replica of Rivendell from Lord of the Rings, all you have to focus on is placing the next block in the right place. And then repeat!

Eventually, you’ll have Rivendell:

Here’s a real-life example of this block-placing mentality:

“My goal is to reach my goal weight of 150 pounds by December 1st, 2018, so I will eat one vegetable every day, and I will strength train for 30 minutes, two days per week. On other days, I’ll go for a 10 minute walk.”

What happens when you do this: you stop worrying about the outcome, and instead JUST focus on the habit you have to do today.

It allows you to very easily answer the question: “Yes I placed the block” or “no I did not place the block.”

You either ate a vegetable today or you didn’t.

You either exercised for 30 minutes today or you didn’t.

Make sure you are picking a blueprint that you can build (it’s not overly optimistic), and keep things simple. A target weight loss goal of 1 pound per week is reasonable and sustainable. Remember that the focus should be on SUSTAINABLE progress – not “progress at any cost.”

Once you start reaching goals you can create more complex plans.

Or in fantasy terms, after you finally slay the dragon, go find a bigger one!

6. You don’t HAVE to exercise, You GET to exercise.

Unhealthy people treat exercise as a miserable means to an end: “I’ll exercise until I reach my goal weight and then I can stop this exercise stuff and go back to what I was doing before.”

Temporary changes, miserable strategy, temporary results… sound familiar?

They run on a treadmill because they think they should, but they hate it, and they never want to go back. Or they get dragged to a class with a friend and the class ruins fitness for them.

They do their best to build the habit, but they’re so unhappy and unexcited about the exercise that the habit never sticks.

Look, here’s the truth: “exercise” sucks.

So you’re going to stop doing “exercise.”

I’ve heard from Nerd Fitness Academy members time and time again: “I can’t believe it, but I actually look forward to exercising now. How did THAT happen?”

What’s going on here?

Because nutrition is 90% of the battle, building a habit of exercise and movement is more important than what specific type of exercise you choose:

adult gymnastics

swing dancing

ultimate frisbee

martial arts

hiking (or even just walking!)

strength training.

Whatever gets you off your ass and out the door. If there’s a type of exercise they HATE…don’t do it.

You don’t have to exercise in a way that you hate.

Pick the kind of exercise that makes you come alive. Don’t have that form of exercise yet? Try new things!

Especially the stuff that doesn’t feel like exercise.

Nutrition is 90% of the battle, so the exercise can be something that you enjoy, that reminds you to make better food choices so your efforts don’t go to waste.

Desperate to lose weight faster? In addition to fixing your nutrition, try temptation bundling to get you to go to the gym.

Have a specific physique in mind (six pack, toned arms, a better butt, broader chest, etc.)? Build the body you want and get hooked on improvement: “I can’t wait to go to the gym and find out how much stronger I got today compared to last week.”

You are a video game character increasing your strength attribute with each training session.

7. They invest in their health like a 401(k).

When it comes down to our health, we can invest in three ways:

Our Time

Our Effort

Our Money

Healthy habit-building badasses know this and prioritize accordingly: they know investing in their health is the best decision they can make. So they decide what’s the correct balance of time, effort, and money to use for that investment.

Your health is an investment just like your net worth:

If you want to devote your effort and time to building your own workouts, crafting your own meal plans, and keeping yourself accountable, that’s awesome. I did this for myself for years.

You might decide to outsource your programming to a coach, recruit an accountability partner, or buy into a program that creates your workouts and nutrition for you.

Either way, this is a months or years-long process that requires discipline! Every day you get a tiny bit better compounds upon the day before and builds you a big nestegg (read: a great physique) that will keep you wealthy (read: healthy) for decades and decades.

We’ve had thousands of people who read all the free content on Nerd Fitness for years with no results, because they never invested in themselves.

However the second they finally invested in The Nerd Fitness Academy or joined Rising Heroes (our monthly habit building adventure) or hired a 1-on-1 coach, they took action and lost weight within months.

Why?

Because we VALUE what we pay for and invest in, making us more likely to actually do the damn thing. And we don’t value what we get for free or take for granted.

Unhealthy people don’t look at all of this stuff rationally – they complain about spending 99 cents on an iPhone app that could dramatically improve the quality of their life, and then gladly spend $6 on a sugary Starbucks beverage each morning without a second thought.

People email me all the time asking “Why should I pay for a course when there is free information online.” Welp, there has been free information online for decades – has it gotten you in shape yet? Maybe there’s a point to investing in yourself!

Your money, your time, and your effort are all limited resources: how you choose to spend each of them tells me a lot about your priorities.

Personally, I gladly pay hundreds of dollars every month for my own online fitness coach.

Many probably think I’m crazy and that this is a waste of money (“just do your own workouts!”), but I feel that it’s the best money I spend every month, and it’s why I’ve prioritized it over other expenses.

I’m not just paying for a workout plan in an excel document.

I am paying for accountability from somebody who is checking in on me, expertise from a trained professional who can spot my weaknesses, and the knowledge that I’ll actually do the workout because I’m spending my hard-earned money on it.

And it got me the results that had eluded me for a decade.

It’s not what you say is a priority, it’s what you spend your time or money on that’s a priority.

Prioritize your money and time on the best stuff, even at the expense of other creature comforts, and you’re more likely to get in shape because you’ll actually care about it.

Answer these questions:

How much money do you spend on your health?

How much time and effort do you devote to creating your workouts or fine-tuning your nutrition?

Have you ever hired a coach or paid for an online course

Do you buy apps or software that make your life easier, or do you try to get by with free stuff that you know you won’t actually use?

Sometimes spending money is the best investment you can make in yourself – because you KNOW that the free option is something you won’t stick with!

Although you have a free gym in your apartment complex, pay money to join a gym near work with fitness classes, because you hate working out alone and if you know people are counting on you to show up.

Pre-pay for 20 trainer sessions – if you’ve already paid for it and scheduled the workouts, you’ll actually GO.

On vacation and afraid you’ll backslide on all habits? Pay $20-30 to just go to a gym for one hour on vacation. Expensive? Not when you compare it to the weeks spent after the vacation trying to get back on track.

Decide what to sacrifice. It might mean you have to skip movies out or cancel your cable to prioritize a healthy meal service or buy more cookbooks so you never get bored with cooking new healthy meals.

Start thinking about this from a different perspective:

You’re not buying a fitness course or a trainer or an overpriced salad (that you would never make for yourself anyways).

You’re not just hiring a coach that prescribes you a workout that you could have found for free on the internet.

You’re investing in your future and purchasing accountability and expertise and momentum.

And NEVER underestimate momentum.

8. Go All In On Momentum.

Remember that Isaac Newton guy?

“An object at rest tends to stay at rest, and an object in motion tends to stay in motion, unless acted on by another force.”

This is called “inertia,” and nothing could be more applicable when it comes to your health.

Unhealthy people have a LOT of inertia to overcome when they are trying to build healthy habits and get in shape:

Their body is used to sitting on a couch and eating junk food, which means the habit of exercise is agonizing. They have to convince themselves to get off the couch and go out into the wilderness. Eating vegetables and healthy food sucks compared to their normal comfort food.

But they use max effort to do these things a few times, and momentum starts to shift away from unhealthy and towards healthy.

And that’s when things fall apart.

Their kid gets sick or they work late and they miss a workout. Not the end of the world, right? But then it snows the next day, and one missed workout day becomes two, which becomes a month in the blink of an eye.

And shit, they’re back to square one.

We are going to focus instead on cultivating and protecting your momentum. Invest their time and money in momentum-building or momentum-protecting products or services.

Shit happens. Travel. Vacation. Kids. Work. Life.

So they focus on doing whatever they can to build momentum quickly and maintain it.

Perpetual health doesn’t happen in days, or with a few decisions. It takes months (or more likely, years) of consistent effort.

It’s more than just “missing a workout.” It’s killing your momentum, and momentum is crucial to long term healthiness.

Momentum is crucial to being perpetually healthy, so protect it with your life.

So, focus on momentum until their default behavior is healthy and they can go on autopilot:

Exercise 4 days per week without fail. Yes, even on vacation. Yup, even if it’s only push-ups for 5 minutes.

Go for a morning walk every single day, even when it’s snowing.

Schedule workouts for early Saturday morning with a trainer so they know they can’t drink like a fish on Friday night.

Put your workouts in your calendar. Have your friend give $50 of your money to a cause you hate every time you miss a workout.

Because momentum.

Which means you should be following my favorite rule: never miss two in a row.

Two missed workouts quickly becomes 30 in the blink of an eye. Two bad meals quickly becomes a week of pizza and Chinese food.

Live by the “never two in a row,” and build momentum with daily goals.

9. know Your Kryptonite.

I want to share an important quote from the late, great physicist Richard Feynman:

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself – and you are the easiest person to fool.”

Unhealthy people might be aware of their Kryptonite, but they just hope and pray they have enough willpower to overcome it every day.

They eat a single Oreo, and then spend an hour thinking about cookies until they go eat a whole sleeve of Oreo cookies and then berate themselves for not having more willpower to avoid the temptation.

The truth is that we are all flawed superheroes.

Unhealthy people try to fix their flaws through sheer willpower and then feel deep shame when they can’t stop their behavior.

Permanently healthy people recognize their Kryptonite, and have a plan to avoid or protect against it:

If they know grains make them unhappy and bloated, they follow a Paleo diet and remove those foods completely so there’s no attempt to only eat half a serving of something.

If they know they struggle with portion control, then maybe they try skipping a meal with Intermittent Fasting.

They also ask the questions that get to the heart of their Kryptonite with regards to weight gain:

Maybe they eat when they’re bored.

Maybe they eat when they’re upset.

Maybe they eat when they’re nervous.

Maybe they eat when they’re watching TV.

They KNOW these things about themselves, and they know unhealthy food has been designed to be addictive.

So they plan for it!

Know thyself, my dear friend, and know what your triggers are.

We’re all flawed; plan for your flaws instead of trying to fight them. These triggers can be environmental or situational or emotional. Know it will happen, and build a Kryptonite-proof plan so you don’t have to worry about avoiding it.

Stop relying on motivation and willpower to tackle your Kryptonite.

Add accountability, punishments, and rewards into your life to stay on track and avoid your Kryptonite:

Check in with someone everyday to make sure they ate their vegetables.

Instruct your friend to donate your $50 to a politician you hate if you miss a workout check-in.

Reward yourself with new running shoes (a reward that rewards you back with more momentum) if you complete 20 runs in a single month.

Don’t go to certain bars or make sure you eat before going to a party, because you KNOW you’ll make a bad decision once you get there.

Build your batcave (your environment) so it’s tougher to make unhealthy decisions and easier to make healthy ones.

Don’t go out to dinner at unhealthy restaurants, and schedule early workouts on Saturdays so you won’t drink yourself silly on Friday.

You don’t need to be flawless. You don’t need a perfect plan. What you do need is to have an honest conversation with yourself about things you need to avoid while you’re trying to make healthier choices.

That might be certain restaurants, certain aisles of the supermarket, or even certain people….

10. Your are surrounded by supporters, not anchors

You are the average of the 5 people you associate most with.

Are they banana peels?

Or are they Lakitus?

Banana peels need no introduction: drive over one in Mario Kart and they’ll ruin a perfectly good race by crushing all of your momentum.

Compare that to Lakitu. If you’re not familiar, he’s the little guy on the cloud in mario Kart that picks you up when you fall off the track and puts you back on course.

Unhealthy people get spun out all the time by the banana peels in their lives:

“What do you mean you don’t want to eat my lasagna anymore? You love my cooking.”

“Everybody is coming over to play D&D and eat pizza, you can’t miss this.”

“You don’t need to lose weight. You look fine. Live a little. Come on.”

Questions and comments like these subtly influence our behavior every day. Which is how you end up looking like and acting like the 5 people you associate most with.

Compare this to Lakitus: the people who want you to succeed, who hold you accountable and make you want to be better.

I recently asked our private men’s community from the Nerd Fitness Academy what the group meant to them.

This response jumped out at me:

You need to be surrounded by people that pick you up, not slow you down.

Healthy people know this, and they make the hard decisions about who is worthy of their time and attention.

They often fire their unhealthy friends and family – even if only temporarily – because they can’t be around negative influence as they’re trying to build momentum.

I’ve heard of tons of stories where unhealthy relationships have ended because a newly healthy individual was dating an unhealthy person who didn’t want them to be healthy and was actively sabotaging them.

Why does this happen? Because it’s often easier to drag other people down than it is to look honestly in the mirror and address one’s shortcomings or unhealthy.

If you are trying to get healthy, minimize your time around banana peels and MAXIMIZE your time with Lakitus.

You are influenced dramatically by the people around you whether you realize it or not. How are these people influencing you?

Take exercise:

Banana Peel: You want to exercise, but your friends are mad at you for skipping a Destiny 2 or World of Warcraft raid… you’re going to skip the workout.

Lakitu: You want to exercise, and your friends are at the gym counting on you for a team workout… you’re gonna get your ass to the gym!

Food:

Banana Peel: You are out to dinner with friends and they order lasagna, chicken fingers and fries, a large pizza, and enchiladas. You’ll likely order junk food to fit in, rather than order a salad and endure their scorn.

Lakitu: You are at a healthy restaurant and all 4 people order salads before you order – I’d bet $1000 you’re going to order something healthy too.

Mental health:

Banana Peel: You have 5 friends who never talk about anything serious: how are you supposed to tell them about your depression medication or that you’re thinking about going to see a therapist?

Lakitu: You have 5 friends who are not only accepting of your flaws, but share theirs too and have advice for you.

Decide who is worthy of your attention, and work on putting yourself in situations with people who make you want to be better.

This might mean a serious conversation with your significant other that “likes you more full-figured” if your goal is to be healthier and happier.

Or diving deep into deflection strategies if you have to constantly deal with unhealthy family members you can’t fire.

If they are worth your time, they will change their tune to be more supportive and helpful and less of an anchor.

And then start spending time around people who are stronger, healthier, happier, and more successful than you. And do what they do.

Use 20 seconds of courage to strike up a conversation with someone at the gym on how to do a certain exercise, and make plans to train together the next day.

Join a running club at work, or start a running club if one doesn’t exist yet.

If you don’t have people in real life cheering them on, find an online group that pushes them to be better.

How is 2018 Going to Be Different?

Phew! Okay, let’s see how many of these you can actually check off:

I have a Growth Mindset

I know my Big Why

I don’t go on diets. I adjust my nutrition.

I know what my food is made of.

I have blueprints and blocks.

I don’t have to exercise; I GET to.

I invest in my health like a 401(k).

I go all in on momentum.

I know my Kryptonite.

I seek out Lakitus, not banana peels.

Give yourself a score, and let me know which ones are the toughest for you to follow through on.

If you checked 6 or fewer boxes, pick ONE of the habits and work on it for the next month. Internalize it. Make it part of your new identity. And then move onto the next one.

You’re overcoming inertia and building momentum!

And NEVER underestimate momentum.

Agree with the list? Disagree?

Did I leave one off?

Leave that in the comments too!

Also, congratulations, you just finished the longest article in the history of Nerd Fitness – give yourself a high five.

-Steve

PS: If you are somebody that is interested in investing in their health right now, these are the three paths available to this community:

Join the Nerd Fitness Academy – a one time fee for lifetime access. Follow the workout plans, adjust your mental attitude, follow our 10 level diet system and have a private community to support you.

Hire a Nerd Fitness Coach – expert accountability, Yoda-like guidance, and handcrafted workout and nutrition plans based on your specific life situation.

Check out Rising Heroes – our monthly team-based story driven adventure. Get new real-world missions each week that make you healthier and help us take down a sinister shadow organization.

If you are looking to invest in yourself, I hope to see you in one of these programs!

photo credit: Reiterlied Rex across the fields, Meeting Star Lord and Baby Groot, benjaminreay Big question mark, Mark Bonica Paleo Diet – Day 14, clement127 Chicken factory, post-apocalyptic research institute 3mm model, sualk61 Hamster wheel, evoo73 balance, hjl Kryptonite on Blue, Reiterlied Biking on the Lake

Footnotes ( returns to text)

You can read the article about the study here: source

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almajonesnjna · 6 years

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The 10 Key Differences Between Weight Loss Success and Failure

“NEW YEAR, NEW YOU!”

At some point in the past two days, you probably said something like the following:

“Alright, time to lose this gut. “

“This year I’m gonna tone these arms and fix these love handles.”

“Holy crap I really let myself go. Is that Cheeto dust…on my forehead? Yikes.”

And thus, we begin our search for the promised land of effortless, enjoyable weight loss:

We want that one workout that scientists hate that finally melts the fat off our midsections and makes us look like Wonder Woman.

We gorge on acai bowls and omega-3 supplements and get excited about the latest article that says red wine is a health food as we polish off another bottle.

We go through a series of follies in search of a get-fit-quick fantasy that never actually comes to fruition, like Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Reality paints a much different picture:

A flat stomach doesn’t come in a bottle or in a workout DVD.

It comes from boring consistent action over months and years. Gross.

I have seen tens of thousands of people collectively lose millions of pounds since I started Nerd Fitness almost a decade ago.

No wonder a 2016 British study declared, “We’re doomed to stay fat.”[1]

So what gives?

This year, what will separate the people who make new years resolutions and STICK with them, and those that give up after a few weeks?

Here are the 10 key strategies that separate the Healthy from the Unhealthy – start doing these things today and you’ll actually make progress that lasts:

1. have a Growth Mindset.

Your mom was right: you are a unique snowflake.

That means there are ton of things that affect why you’ve gained weight over the past decade(s) and why you struggle to lose it:

Genetics

Age

Gender

Stress level

Home environment

Mental health

Activity level

Nutrition

All of these things play a factor in what you look like and how healthy you are. Despite these various factors, I’ve seen a common thread in people who build healthy habits and stick with them:

A Growth mindset.

HOW TO BUILD A MINDSET LIKE GROOT:

Even if it isn’t your fault where you are, accept that it’s your personal responsibility to deal with it.

Like Groot, you can change and grow.

You’ll learn that your excuses are moot – if busier, older, fatter, poorer, and more injured people than you can get in shape, you can too.

2. know Your “Big Why”.

The road to perpetual weight loss and healthiness is fraught with peril.

Even the best-laid plans and New Years Resolutions will end up in a ditch on the side of the road unless you have a damn good reason.

After all, life gets busy and it’s Taco Tuesday and a new video game just came out and your kid is sick and you just don’t feel like exercising and it’s cold. There will ALWAYS be something.

You will never not be busy.

That perseverance will from a damn good answer to the question: “Why?”

Not just “Because I need to lose weight,” but two levels deeper: WHY you want to lose weight. That’s the motivation and answer you need to be reminded of to persevere over the next few months.

Compare this to the raw, deep, honest answers we get from Nerd Fitness Academy members when we ask about their “Big WHY”:

“I’m here because my dad died of a heart attack at age 45, and I don’t want my kids growing up without a father like I did.”

“I’m here because I want my husband/wife to look at me the way he/she used to, and I want us to grow old together.”

“I’m here because I just got dumped and I want to get healthy so I can start dating again. I don’t want people swiping left on my photos anymore.”

“I’m here because I want to look in the mirror and be proud of what I see. I want to stop hiding behind others in photographs.”

Why are you here? Why do you want to build healthy habits?

Is your reason for being here more important to you than cake? If it isn’t, you’re gonna give up at the first sign of adversity.

Write down your Great Big Why – and go deep, my friend. Way down. And ask yourself “Why?” to the answer of each of your questions until you get to the root of your reason for being here.

3. don’t go on a diet. adjust Your nutrition.

Perpetually unhealthy people have a love/hate relationship with diets.

Mostly hate.

Unhealthy people get dieting wrong from the start, and this is what dooms them.

Unhealthy people go on a diet for a month or two, and they can’t wait to go back to “eating normally.” The problem is that their “eating normally” is the reason why they’re overweight in the first place.

Temporary changes to one’s eating results in temporary changes to one’s weight and physique.

Like an addict chasing the next high, somebody consistently has to chase the next diet because their normal eating is the problem in the first place!

And yup, dieting sucks.

Starvation, eliminating favorite foods, and trying to use willpower to avoid candy and sweets is a terrible strategy, so stop doing it.

No wonder people abandon diets as soon as they start them; they think, “If this is what it takes to be skinny, I’d rather stay fat and happy.”

This year, never go on a diet ever again.

Instead, come to terms with this: “My concept of ‘normal eating’ is broken, which means it needs to change permanently in order for me to get healthy.”

Think about that for a second.

Stop going on diets!

No more diet pills, cleanses or crazy 30-day strategies.

Nothing you do can be temporary, or the results will be temporary.

Instead you are going to make deliberate, incremental permanent changes to your daily nutrition, slowly, over a period of many months.

Eat to line up with your goals.

If you are afraid of giving up something, don’t! Make the unhealthy foods more of a treat and less of a daily indulgence:

If giving up soda forever is scary, slowly cut back from 12 a day down to one a day.

If giving up pasta forever sounds like a life not worth living, learn about portion sizes and make it an experience (only at restaurants, for example).

The same goes for diet pills and supplements – Supplements cannot replace a good nutrition strategy.

When you think about getting healthy this year, think in terms of days and years, not weeks and months:

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Know that it took years for you to get to your current physique, and it’s going to take months if not years to correct it. This means you HAVE to enjoy the journey.

Once you accept that you never get to be “done,” you can start picking small adjustments or changes that won’t scare you away from adhering to your plan.

4.know what’s in the food You eat.

Did you know that when it comes to weight loss, your nutrition choices will account for 90% of your success or failure?

In the Nerd Fitness Rebellion, we refer to this as the “you can’t outrun your fork” rule.

Seriously. 90+ PERCENT of the equation.

Tattoo this on your forehead. Hire somebody to skywrite it above your home every day. Pay somebody to call you every morning and remind you of this fact.

Whatever it takes to get you to realize that changing your eating habits will be the fastest (and only) path to weight loss in 2018.

And it starts by educating yourself about your food.

Make a habit of knowing what’s in the food you eat!

Whether it’s portion control, calorie counting, tracking macros, or even keeping a food journal, it’s important to have rough idea of the nutritional breakdown of the food you consume regularly.

After all, GI Joe tells us that “Knowing is half the battle!”

The other half is lasers:

With each meal tracked, this habits adds up to knowing what needs to happen every day for you to get healthy.

Sugar is a big culprit in spiking insulin and thus contributes to making waistlines larger, which means checking the labels on the foods you’re consuming for sugar is a great habit to get into.

Speaking of sugar, let’s see a common pitfall you can start to avoid. Here are two different beverages:

Coca-Cola (20 oz): 240 calories, 65 g of carbs (65 g of sugar)

Naked Juice Green Machine (15 oz): 270 calories, 63 g of carbs (55 g of sugar)

Look at those two things above: one is a can of cola that you know is bad for you, the other is marketed as a “healthy beverage.”

They’re both terrible for you!

Don’t fall for the hype: read the label, and break free of the Matrix!

Learn about the food you’re eating. You’re an adult, you can take 3 minutes and Google it.

Once you know the composition of your meals, you can start to make subtle adjustments or change quantities over time as you start to approach a healthier weight.

Be okay with “good enough” to start, and get more accurate as time goes on.

What’s that? You don’t know how to eat healthy? I got you, boo: “A beginner’s guide to healthy eating.”

For each food, learn the following:

Total calories

Serving size

Fat

Protein

Carbs (especially sugar)

Don’t overthink this: Write down what you eat every day for a week. If your weight isn’t changing, adjust down total calories and minimize sugar consumption and see how your weight changes.

Make small adjustments over time and see how your body responds.

Speaking of goals…

5. use Blueprints and Blocks to Create Goals.

Perpetually unhealthy people say things like “I’m going to exercise more this year!”

Goals like this are cloudy with no real markers of success.

Compare this to what you’re going to do in 2018:

Pick a reachable blueprint to follow: an outcome-based goal.

Place the blocks to build that blueprint: a habit-based goal.

Let’s see this in action: “I want to lose X amount of weight by X date.”

With a very specific goal and a specific timeline, we can work backwards to calculate how much weight we need to lose each week to build that blueprint: our target weight.

Once you know where you want to be a year from now – you can then just focus on what you need to do TODAY.

Want to lose 50 pounds by the end of the year?

That’s one pound per week. And that can happen by making a single change today and every day moving forward.

Focusing on the habit (“today I’m going to drink only one soda instead of 3, and have one vegetable”) allows you to not get overwhelmed at the big picture.

In Minecraft terms, once you have the blueprints for a replica of Rivendell from Lord of the Rings, all you have to focus on is placing the next block in the right place. And then repeat!

Eventually, you’ll have Rivendell:

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Here’s a real-life example of this block-placing mentality:

What happens when you do this: you stop worrying about the outcome, and instead JUST focus on the habit you have to do today.

It allows you to very easily answer the question: “Yes I placed the block” or “no I did not place the block.”

You either ate a vegetable today or you didn’t.

You either exercised for 30 minutes today or you didn’t.

Once you start reaching goals you can create more complex plans.

Or in fantasy terms, after you finally slay the dragon, go find a bigger one!

6. You don’t HAVE to exercise, You GET to exercise.

Unhealthy people treat exercise as a miserable means to an end: “I’ll exercise until I reach my goal weight and then I can stop this exercise stuff and go back to what I was doing before.”

Temporary changes, miserable strategy, temporary results… sound familiar?

They run on a treadmill because they think they should, but they hate it, and they never want to go back. Or they get dragged to a class with a friend and the class ruins fitness for them.

They do their best to build the habit, but they’re so unhappy and unexcited about the exercise that the habit never sticks.

Look, here’s the truth: “exercise” sucks.

So you’re going to stop doing..

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#The 10 Key Differences Between Weight Loss Success and Failure

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