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#and despite all the pain i'm really tired of crying for people who don't care. i tried all i could
hcmoeroticisms · 2 years
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#hating people that you still love is fucked up#like 'yes you make me cry. but i still want to make you laugh'#and isn't that the most hurtful feeling#i talk too much then i'm clingy. i talk too little then i'm not putting effort into it#the problem at the end of the day is just me#perhaps there are things not worth fighting for. perhaps i'm not#and what else am i supposed to feel like you know? like the rug was pulled from right under my feet#sorry means nothing if things don't change. and if people don't listen to you when you share what you feel then well#the words just become even more empty and worthless.#the fucking ache and longing of wishing to talk to people but knowing they don't want to talk to you#so you grow quiet and they do too. and the silence is fucking deafening because you know conversation won't happen#so things will crash and burn. you start wondering how much it all mattered in the end. what you did wrong#because it all comes back to it in the end; the problem is me.#and despite all the pain i'm really tired of crying for people who don't care. i tried all i could#but it is all one sided and it honestly feels like i'm burning and choking on glass. i just want this situation to be resolved#just want this suffering to end#anyway this is my last vent. i need to just learn how to deal with all of this#people are dick head sometimes and i'm tired of getting hurt#i could've done better perhaps. but i don't think it would've mattered#i need people to tell me if they want to stay in my life or leave. because i need people to put effort too but i just#i can't have them stay somewhere in the middle. so you know if anyone who has ever broken my heart see this#let me know if i should try or if i should shut the door#if people want to make things work i will put the effort but i need them to put effort too#if not than just let me know you are leaving instead of leaving me in this silence; feeling pathetic and stupid and like a last choice#between the lack of sleep the headache and the tears something clicked today#clicked into place i suppose. if people decide to ignore your sadness and leave you in silence during it? yeah#perhaps i never had a place in their lives in the first place. just there warming the space for better things#anyway spent the night writing messages i will never send. unless people want to read it. but yeah#to the people causing me suffering; just let me know what to do#this distance and silence is destroying me
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crispywaffles2 · 2 months
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Hi I have a request! How about macaque and wukong (separate) acting over protective after if finding out their (female) s/o is pregnant? And how would they act throughout the whole pregnancy?
Please and thank you!
Hi! Of course I can, thank you so much for requesting! I'm not really versed in this particular field of romance or the struggles that it comes with, so I apologize if a lot of these seem out of character or unbearably tropey!
Overprotective Macaque & Wukong with a Pregnant!S/O
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Macaque:
The moment it's revealed that you're pregnant he's tweaking out
He doesn't know how to be a dad what the heck
But he also can't deny that he is kind of excited at the prospect of being able to take care of your child!
Or children?
Oh my gosh what if it's twins-
He's seen mortal babies and toddlers walking about in the streets with their parents, and he's well aware of how.. tiny... and stupid... and vulnerable they are
He never much cared for it, thinking that mortal children were weak for not immediately coming into the world with powers or some sense of right and wrong
But it's different with his child! He can't let the tiny, stupid, vulnerable kid in your stomach get hurt!
Rest assured that he's rearranging furniture to make it easier for you to maneuver around
He insists on going out with you everywhere, and if you were to ever voice that you were getting tired of it, then he'd eventually relent...
Maybe send a clone or two to watch you in the shadows without your knowledge, but other than that he'll leave you alone!
He will glare at anyone who's eyes linger on your growing belly bump for too long, giving them a silent warning not to come to close
He'll throw down his cape over a small puddle, gesturing for you to safely cross. He says it's a joke, but really he wants to look like a gentleman in front of you
Despite his overprotective nature, he will not fulfill your cravings without question
"A what?? Why on Earth would our baby need to eat that?? They probably don't even like it!"
Other than your strange food requests, he's happy, eager even to help fulfill anything else
Worried about the stretch marks forming in your stomach? He'll tell you about how they remind him of battle scars and shows off his scars to you to make you feel better
"See? We're both warriors."
In pain from bad cramps? He's secretly panicking and making bad jokes while tending to you because he's nervous.
Stays by your side all the time just in case you start feeling pain. He wants to be there for you
Secretly reads books and looks up videos for first time dads when he thinks no one is looking
He's a warrior! A master of the shadows!
Sly, cunning, teasing, playful, sure!
But a father?
He couldn't even picture himself holding a baby
When the delivery finally happens he is such a Karen
Might as well hire him as a doctor, considering how he practically tried to deliver the baby himself
Eventually though he composes himself and stands in the corner fidgeting nervously
He's never been one to cry, not even in his brotherhood days, but the tears that welled up in his eyes when he held your child couldn't be helped
Instinctively starts trying to groom the baby
It's all over now. You're not pregnant, and the baby is finally here
He's still pretty protective of you, and his child even moreso
All that he could think as he looked into the eyes of your writhing, still slightly damp, baby was those nine months of making frankly disgusting foods were worth it
Wukong:
Absolutely flips when the bomb is dropped that you're pregnant
He genuinely doesn't know what to do
He's not sure if he should be excited that he's going to be a dad or worried that he's going to be a dad
We all know Wukong is protective of those he loves and carries a guilty conscience about including them in his messes
He knows that pretending he knows what he's doing won't get him out of every situation. He knows how many messes he pulls people into. He knows that his lingering 'do now ask questions later' mentality can put those he loves in danger
And now he has a baby too??
It takes a bit, but he eventually starts to warm up to the idea
He's the monkey king! And he'll teach his child to be better than him. Stronger, smarter! Well, not that much stronger because then he wouldn't really hold the crown the one of the strongest beings and he would not be able to handle that
Still though, he'll raise this baby and change his ways doing so
He's cartwheeling all over the place after a while just from pure excitement
Trust and believe this man is NOT reading any baby books or watching any videos. He doesn't need some mortal telling him how to raise his kid. He's the Great Sage
Whether that's a good or bad thing is up to interpretation
He'll rant to his monkeys about all of the things he'll teach the child, and he does it with so much excitement that even they get pumped up
Will try to speculate it's gender and appearance with you
"Maybe it'll have your pretty eyes and my handsome jawline! Or maybe it'll have your hair and a little tail like it's dad!"
Makes little baby toys out of sticks and leafs
He is actually super overprotective of you, but tries to pretend he's just being casual
"Where are you going? Not that I care or anything... You're trying to go to the store?? Babe, you should totally just.. stay here with me. I can make one of my clones do the shopping."
Will furiously stammer and insist that he's not worried about you if you ask
He knows you can handle yourself! It's just... You're all pregnant and vulnerable and round and he's such a worrywart about you!
He thinks that if anything even gently bumps your tummy the baby won't grow or something, so he's constantly paranoid
Rearranges furniture so it's easier for you to get around
He even cleans up just to lighten your load a bit! He must really love you!
He's actually super eager about people looking at your belly bump in public and will absolutely go off on a tangent about how his beautiful partner is about to have a beautiful baby and it's going to be beautiful
But if someone gets a little too close to you he will not hesitate to push them down or maybe accidentally give them a broken wrist if they reach out to touch your stomach
Is confused about why everyone isn't literally bowing to you while you're walking the streets
Genuinely got upset when you two were walking through a crowd and he had to hold you because people wouldn't just part for the pregnant woman walking through
"What?? Ten dollars for this? You do know my partner is pregnant right? This should be free for her! Everyday is a struggle for her! You'd have no idea what she's been through and you're charging her ten dollars-"
He's an absolute Karen
Suggests putting a pillow over your stomach
"That way you won't bump into anything and our child can be cozy!"
Because Wukong is an absolute hazard in the kitchen, he's concocted a crazy amount of different foods
He has no problem fulfilling your strange food requests and even eats them with you
"Oh my goodness! I love crab cakes with syrup!! I'll make some for both of us bud."
Has like three different emergency plans for when you're in pain
The moment you lurch forward or let out a groan he's on it
With a snap of his fingers his monkeys are all marching over to help you sit down in a single file line
He sits there and soothes you as best as he can while his monkeys scamper around trying to get anything you request
When it's finally time Wukong is genuinely confused, thinking that it's just contractions or something, but you keep yelling at him and saying "IT'S TIME!!"
Time for what?? Lunch or...?
Thinking the baby is talking to him through you, he hoists you up on his somersault cloud and zips off
When the doctor gives him a strange look and tells him you're just about to have your baby he freaks out
He tries to help in any way he can, holding your hand, breathing with you
Offers to help with the delivery of the baby
"Oh, looks like it's a bit stuck. Need a little help there bud?"
Losing his mind in the corner of the room but trying to play it cool for you and the doctors.
"Why is it slimy?" Are quite literally the first words that come out of his mouth when the baby is delivered
When he finally has his child in his arms he's all over it
Kisses, cooing, holding, hugging or even just staring at it
He may not know much about being a father, but he will try his best to teach his child not to go down the path he did because he already loves it to the moon and back
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buccini555 · 8 months
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𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐫 — 𝐑𝐚𝐧 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢
✦𓈒 𓆇 While Ran was busy, you took his phone to look at something random and ended up finding romantic messages from other people...
✦𓈒 𓆇 x m a l e r e a d e r !
✦𓈒 𓆇 𝑭𝒕. Ran Haitani
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It was already late when Ran finally arrived home, even so, despite your exhaustion, you remained anxiously waiting for him, when you finally heard the door open, you went to welcome him as usual and then you went up to the room together.
"Wait until I take a shower, hmm? Could you tell Rindou that I'm already home?" The taller man entered the bathroom and handed you his phone, then you went to do what he asked you to do.
Sending the message to Rindou, you noticed some notifications, but you just ignored it all when some heart emojis caught your attention.
"We should see each other more often, my love!" That was all it said, even though you trusted Ran and thought invading his privacy was a terrible idea, you opened those messages and it really was the worst thing you did.
Trying to hold back your tears with each of Ran's words, you just waited for him to get out of the shower, which didn't take long.
"Finally! My day was extremely tiring- what are you still doing with my cell phone?" He immediately changed his mood when he realized he was discovered, still silent, you just looked at him with the biggest disappointment in your eyes.
"Was it nice to spend the day with him too?" You questioned in a single teasing tone, noticing Ran's mask falling.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" He pretended to be surprised and questioned in a subtle tone of voice.
"You've always been a good actor, haven't you?" Still ironizing the situation, you questioned him again.
"...I'm not going to sit here and listen to some stupid kid's complaints." Ran said as he dressed in a hurry, he definitely didn't even care about the seriousness of his actions.
"Complaints? How did you have the nerve to betray me? I would never do that to you!" Tired of holding back your tears, you just spoke, making clear all the pain you were feeling.
"I needed to have fun! I just wanted to have fun, okay?" For a moment, Ran stopped what he was doing, looking at you with a look of superiority and saying that he just wanted to have fun.
"Having fun throwing our relationship in the trash? How much consideration you have for us!" Looking directly at him, you replied, with a trembling voice and still trying to deal with the crying that insisted on continuing.
"Shut the fuck up, you're so fucking annoying." Ran shouted before snatching his phone from his hand, making you feel scared of his reactions.
Amid solutions and tears, you could only realize that Ran wanted to blame such betrayal on you. "...You behave as if this is all my fault."
"If you were enough for me, I wouldn't look for fun out there."
"Alright then, go away and have a great time!" You laughed, still watching Ran mock all of your pain.
Seeing who Ran really was, in that moment you just accepted that he had become the worst kind of person he could be.
"Thank you for letting me go, now I don't have to hide anything from you anymore, right?" Finishing getting ready, he continued to ignore you, Ran didn't seem to care about the fact that he was discovered.
"No, of course not, you remain free since our relationship meant nothing to you." Once again, you responded to Ran's taunts.
"Don't talk that shit, man." That's all he said, Ran definitely thought you wouldn't break up with him or something, but, you just ended it that night.
The last thing Haitani heard from you was just goodbye.
"Go away Ran..."
When he realized that you were really firm in your decision, Ran left, leaving you with only the pain of having been betrayed by the one you loved most.
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Imo Nico saying "You're not my type," and skipping away to see Will was Nico trying to preserve some of his pride/dignity.
I mean, his actions throughout PJO & HoO are literally love confessions. He chooses Percy, turning his back on Hades, and only goes back to Hades on Percy's request. Nico sends his friend to help Percy in hell (literally more than anyone else did to help Percy). He sticks with the Argo II crew despite literally all of them besides Hazel being extremely rude/unsettled by him for Percy.
So it's like. Nico has laid his heart bare for Percy? But Percy is in a relationship with someone else and Nico doesn't really know what Percy thinks about him - other than being convinced that Percy doesn't love him. So he's pulling himself together and trying to show that no, he's not hung up on Percy. He's not pining. He's not crying over the one sided love, and feelings of rejection. And by playing his feelings as less serious than they actually are, he's enabling himself to continue to have a friendship with Percy - since by playing off his affections as a crush rather than painfully in love - it's less awkward that Percy don't return his feelings. So they can move on and resume their friendship. That's imo anyway. It was self preservation. @hermesmyplatonicbeloved
Oh, totally!
Sorry for responding until now, but I haven't been able to be very active on my networks lately :)
But bringing up this topic, if I had been in Nico's position, I think I would have done something very similar, if not the same. Imagine this situation: Having to be Perc#beth's spectator. That not only did they practically all their missions together, but important gods, such as Aphrodite and practically the ENTIRE fucking camp, did everything possible for Perc#beth to finally come together. And seeing firsthand how Percy practically gave his all to the people he cared about (Nico never really realized how important he was to Percy, since haha ​​I think it's obvious to anyone in love and hurt), and Annabeth being territorial with Percy just gave Nico the idea that the two of them just can't be, it doesn't work, it's impossible. His low self-esteem in conjunction with the pain of losing his loved ones, his loneliness and all the pain he had to go through to protect Percy was enough for him to not only start wanting to lie to himself and others in order to get some relief to his pain. And besides, he was so used to people pushing him away, that the first guy who practically forces him to be by his side is obviously the person Nico is going to cling to, to say "I'm getting over it" when in reality he's not.
So. Nico gave too much, and wanting to feel better about everything he had done, he "he confess no confess." I'm a witness that not telling your feelings to a person can cause you a lot of problems, since there was never really closure. Your mind is always thinking about 'what if', even if you don't want it to.
So the best way for Nico, and I think for any sane person in his situation, to not generate even more pain than one already has and not put oneself in a compromising situation is to confess not confess: Totally minimize your feelings, saying that they are from the past and something temporary (giving the other person to understand that you became interested but you don't have any problem now, that the unilateral nature of the situation doesn't bother you at all.)(HAHAHA its funny because it actually does). And even more so being in Nico's situation, that practically seconds before confessing, Percy boasted about his future with Annabeth. That was the final blow. It's a total NO to Nico, and like a normal person, he saved what little dignity he had left (you know, the whole situation with Cupid and what follows) and left with the only person who was behind him (because obviously Nico would be tired of just chasing, it's normal to want to be chased, but that's not a confirmation of romantic feelings, it's just a need, and more of a lonely and 'needed of love' person). So, I totally agree.
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tinytinyblogs · 7 months
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Skz Soft Hours: Changbin
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He desperately wants you to know how amazing you are in his eyes, and he's determined to show you the love you deserve.
Stray kids masterlist here
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"Can't sleep?" Changbin asked, he was sitting across from you in his open window. The night sky was painted with stars and the wind was blowing gently. You had known Changbin for a long time, and you found him to be a very unique person. He loved the color black and wore it almost all the time. He had a face that could be scary to people who didn't know him well, but you loved being alone with him. Somehow, Changbin had made his way into your life and you found yourself talking to him more and more. Your favorite thing to do was to open your window at night and see him sitting across from you. "What's on your mind?"
Changbin's voice fit perfectly with the night. You hummed thoughtfully. "There's so much on my mind, but mostly I'm wondering what's really good about me." You were always questioning yourself, and nothing ever seemed good enough. Changbin found this disappointing, because he saw you as perfect. He spent every night talking to you because he enjoyed your company and the way you opened up to him. It was an honor for him to be so close to you. He couldn't quite explain why, but he found you endearing. "Stop questioning that, Y/N," he said. "You're totally fine."
Changbin sometimes thought of himself as a simp for you. He would stay up late to check on you, even when he was tired. He wanted to keep you company until you closed your window and turned off the light. He would stay awake until you did. He didn't understand why he was doing it. Why did he need to protect you from afar? But he just did. "No, Changbin," you said. "I really want to be better than myself now." The night was perfect, and the moonlight shining on you made you even more beautiful in his eyes. "Want to hear what I think about you?" he asked, his eyes fixed on yours. "Sure." Changbin wanted you to know that you deserved all the sweet words and care in the world. If you let him, he would give it to you all.
"The first time I laid eyes on you." When Changbin first moved in across from you, he was immediately drawn to you. He couldn't help but smile as he remembered that day. "I said to myself, wow, this person is unreal," he said. "But I didn't know how to talk to you because you're so quiet and I'm not good at small talk." Changbin dreamed of protecting you and being there for you when you needed someone. He slowly proved to you that he would be a good fit for you, even if you didn't notice it at first. "Then I saw that you liked to stare out the window like that, so I opened mine too. And wow, after a few conversations, I realized that you were even better than I thought."
"Y/N, your intelligence, perspective, and way of communicating are all so admirable. You're also a lot of fun to be around, and you're always willing to care for and understand others. You're truly an amazing person." Even though the world could be a cruel place, Changbin saw you as the best thing that had ever happened to him. He was proud to know you, and he was falling in love with you more and more every day. "I'm especially in love with your eyes," he said. "They sparkle when you talk, and it's so mesmerizing." As the flowers bloomed, Changbin felt his heart flutter with every thought of you. You made him feel so alive, and he cherished every moment he spent with you. "Your smile," he said.
"My heart beats faster every time I see you smile or laugh." Changbin had never felt so much pain before as when he saw you cry. His heart broke into a million pieces. "When you cry, I want to give you a warm hug. Please don't be sad." Despite the chill of the night wind, the warmth in both of your hearts made it feel like the world was only for two. Even though you were physically apart, you could hear the sincerity in Changbin's voice as he said, "And yet, you always see yourself like that. It makes me so sad. I want to show you how truly amazing you are." He was inviting you into his life, to walk hand-in-hand with him through his story, on stage, and in the life he lived now. "Can I?" he asked.
Changbin may seem slightly sad and see only darkness on your way, but he will light it up for you. He will lead you into the happiness that you deserve so much. "Would you let me be on your side, Y/N? I want to wipe away your tears and create fun memories together." It's surprising that someone who seems as strong as Changbin can be so soft. He never fails to surprise you in every way, and he always finds a way to reach you, no matter how hard you try to close yourself off from everyone. He's the only one who can do it. You see nothing bad in him, and you understand him like no one else does. You never judge him, and that makes his heart melt. With you, he can finally be himself, and he wants you to feel the same way.
"I could write a book about all the reasons why you are the most perfect person in my eyes. If you would like to hear them, I would be happy to tell you." You smiled slowly, and he smiled with you, shifting his body to sit up straighter. This was the moment he had been waiting for, the moment to ask you out. "You know, as much as I love talking to you like this, I really hope we could go somewhere together, or maybe I could visit your house. Anything where we could be in the same place, not just like this." you didn't even feel tired. You watched as his words flowed from his mouth like honey, and you felt the sweetness of his voice wash over you. It was late, and both of you should have been getting ready for bed, but you forgot all about that and focused on him, just like he did with you. "Are you free tomorrow?"
💬I'm so grateful to my boyfriend for coming up with the idea for this story when my mind was blank.
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ratherbefangirling · 4 months
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Love wins all: perfect imperfect
An AU because I can't get it out my head but also I can't think enough to write a fic 🤧 unedited as usual. Or is it fic 🤔
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Warning ⚠️: alludes to abuse, bullying, insensitive words for disability. And I clearly don't know anything about disabilities so please I'm sorry if I made a mess of it.
Genre: angst
Taehyung's life sucked. It truly did. It was like a downward spiral. Going round and round until he was worse off thereon from where he started.
Nobody knows they are different until somebody points it out. Taehyung grew up with his halmeoni, his grandmother who he adored. Loosing his parents had not been a tradegy when he never knew them to begin with.
He hadn't paid much attention to his eyes. He was half blind and really he could still see. He just tripped a lot more. When he'd be a little older the doctor would explain about all the medical jargon. But when he was little his grandma told that the heavens made him so beautiful that michievious devil's in their envy stole his other eye and if he were good one day the angels would bless him.
Then his grandmother died. And all the fairytale with her. His uncle adopted him. They had a deal. He fed and clothed Taehyung. Taehyung kept the house clean and stayed out of trouble. Sometimes his uncle felt nice enough to buy him strawberries. Sometimes he felt bad enough to turn his skin into strawberries.
And so Taehyung trembled as if winter had seated into his bones... despite that Taehyung didn't hate his uncle. At least his uncle didn't abandon him like his mother who'd found a new rich lover and dropped her infant and disappeared. An imperfection in her perfect world.
Then his uncle died and Taehyung figured it was his destiny to be abandoned.
As he bowed quite listless infront of every one who came to the funeral.
Poor thing.
Cursed child.
Devils spawn
Pitiful boy
Have you seen his eyes? They gave me such a scare
He's heard it all before. Everyday at school it's fascinating how kids can't get tired of pointing out the obvious. Pathetic people who thrive of the misery of others.
Suddenly a hush fell over the funeral hall. A man in an expensive black suit, surrounded by bodyguards came to pay respect.
"Im sorry for your loss mister?"
"Kim Taehyung."
"Yes, I'm the owner of the factory your uncle worked at as an apology I would like to provide compensation."
Taehyung nodded. The rest of it was a blur. He remembers drinking some of his uncle's liquor. Eating expired ramen. Laughing so hard and crying till he fell asleep. He remember meeting the lawyers and signing things he didn't understand and then he finds himself new uniform, new books in hand in front of a building so magnificent he felt cheap.
Soul Highschool for children with special needs.
He thinks his old classmates will have quite a laugh he's in a school with his kind. In a school of freaks they'd lovingly call it.
And maybe the universe finally felt bad for him because there he meet Jieun. His Jieun.
He sees her and thinks oh he's so grateful he's alive. She's beautiful. Like a blossom in the winter. Like spring. Like an angel.
When the teacher assigns Jieun to show him around. He follows her a little dazed. Almost falling like he always does and she gives him her hand like it's the most natural thing in the world, like being kind to him is so easy and its worth scraping his knees sometimes to see her smile at his dorkiness and so he can stare at her as she carefully bandages his knee blowing over it softly and the pain almost disappears.
You should be careful
She writes on her notepad and he nods.
I can't see in 3d like others.
He writes back.
If you speak slowly I can read your lips. . I mean you don't have to write to respond
He nods in understanding and she smiles at him. And he smiles back. And it's a first smile in a long while, a small smile that lasts a long while.
So everyday little by little she guides him where the slopes are where the flowers are (because in this school they had textured walls and scented herbs and flowers so that the kids have easier time figuring out their class rooms on the basis of scents and touch)
One day they are sitting together eating when he sees her talking in sign language.
Teach me
She nods. And then everyday little by little he learns to speak to her. By touch, by taps, and maybe he's taking advantage of the situation and you know he shamelessly is. Calling it their secret language. He holds her hands.
One squeeze for yes. Two for no. And three for I love you.
And the fourth for I love you too.
He thinks she can tell. When they're out at the mall and he holds her hands claiming he can't see properly and he needs her to guide him.
He's allowed to have this advantage atleast.
So she takes him and he follows. Because really for her he'd go wherever. As long as they were together.
He can't tell who confesses first. He can't remember who kisses first just the tang of strawberry lip tint makes him smile cause really. How can someone be so perfect.
And then he becomes greedy all the time ceaselessly touching tapping pinching... till she playfully shoves him away pretending to be angry.
They come to take photos in the photo film booth to mark their year of togetherness(the happiest year of his life(sorry grandma he apologises to his grandma promising to put extra strawberries in her memorial this year)).
He pulls her closer. And she melts into him. And really he couldn't be happier. He pulls out a ring asking her to marry him. And he's glad he chose the moment because now her surprised face sits on their side table. And she's tried getting rid of it. But he won't let it happen. He wants all of her the bad the good the ugly the beautiful the stubborn the sweet the soft the sour everything until the very end .
I look ugly
Is it possible for the most beautiful girl to look ugly?
He signs and kisses her.
Dearest darling my universe.
.
.
And Taehyung believes he's cursed. He has to be because there is no other way to explain what happens next.
He's never paid much attention to news. He never has had time for it. It's nonsense most of it he thinks. Until the government declared to save the planet they'll eliminate the defects.
Defects. . .
.
.
.
Their cozy home was destroyed. It felt now like a dream he had conjured to keep himself safe, if not for the sound of Jieun breathing and her head on his lap as she rested.
She's so beautiful.
Even with the scars and dirty clothes and her bones that become prominent as there keeps being lesser food to scavenge.
She reaches out to him. He smiles at her as she wakes. He can't see her clearly but she is all He can ever see.
He know there situation has made her more frustrated. She wants to call out his name but instead she digs her nails into him. That's her way of screaming.
He still remembers the day their old safe house was discovered in the mayhem he'd lost sight of her and the crowd pushed her away.
I lost you I almost lost you.
And with the fear thudding in his heart he didn't know how to comfort her.
He knows not many people are left. It really doesn't matter. What matters is they can have one more moment together. Stay together a just a little longer. Cause he's not quite ready to loose her. He never will be.
They still have hope that their old safe house is safe, praying once the cubes are done with their work they'll move on to a different target because surely they won't search the same place again.
It's a flimsy hope. But hope all the same.
Their safe house is the same mall they had their first dates on.
But nothing was the same, infact it was entirely different.
They both were tired. He could tell. Their conversation had dissipated to save energy for survival.
Until they found the camcorder. It was an old model. And somehow the charging remained. It had a soft filter mode. And through its lens everything looked more dreamy. Perhaps all this was a bad dream. And they'd wake up and everything will be alright again.
Kim Taehyung-ssi would you like to say anything to the camera
"I would. Actually I'm on My way to propose my beautiful girlfriend and we're going on a date tonight. So wish me luck."
She smiled. He took the camcorder from her.
"Let's go. We'll be late for our reservation."
So off they went to play pretend in the finest restaurant of the mall.
Taehyung pulled out a ring he'd stolen earlier when she wasn't looking. At least he hoped she wasn't. (But she was... Always looking at him. Her eyes couldn't settle elsewhere and when he smoothly (or so he thought) pocketed the ring she suppressed a giggle pretending not to notice)
Will you marry me?
She squeezes his hand.
Yes
He laughs lifting her spinning her around.
I saw a dress shop on third floor.
He tells her excited. And she takes his hand and off they go. Through the shadows and the flickering lights. They reach the fancy wedding boutique. Trying on different dresses and suits.
Taehyung remembers asking her, back when things were different. In another cozy afternoon on their soft bed as he played with her hair.
How would you like our wedding to be?
I would want to invite everyone and have fun. To dance and sing and be merry.
To sing?
He asks curious.
My friend told me you had a lovely voice. I'm jealous I can't hear it.
So Taehyung had gone and recorded his voice and turned it into beats so she could enjoy it.
And maybe it wasn't a wedding she dreamed of but it was a wedding. Because what more did a wedding need than a groom and a bride who loved each other.
Laughing, playing around, slow dancing in each others arms as if they had all the time in the world. Looking in the mirror like it's a portrait as the camcorder captures the dreamy glow in their faces.
Should we go see our photobooth?
Taehyung only smiles in return.
So they go through the debris as her dress trails through the dirt. And like a miracle it's still there up and running.
So they both sit, squeezing into the booth. As the lights flashes. He squeezes her hand thrice and she squeezes it four times in response.
Jieun gets out excited to see how the photos have turned out and Taehyung watches his lovely bride. She turns to show him the photos and that's when she sees it. The cube.
The sentinel being that has ruined their live. Their future, their hopes and dreams all shattered.
She drags him away and he follows. She thinks she's escaped it when she sees another. It dawns on her that the only way to escape is to go through the center of the mall. Through the grave of clothes.
She runs and runs but it's too late. It has seen them.
And it's in front of them.
Instinctively she picks up a pipe from the ground easy to fight to defend.
Taehyung sees her and takes it from her ready to defend to protect. Pouring all his rage and frustration into hitting it.
But the cube remains unscathed.
All Taehyung can think of is that it can't end like this. He's not ready to let her go. But when rage is gone despair remains. He feels her hold him. He's wrapped in her arms trembling like he's a child again. She covers his eyes in her last attempt to protect it and he can swear he heard her say I love you
.
.
.
And then nothing.
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Tumblr deleted the last part I wrote earlier TT from the proposal part if its weird that's why I'm sorry I tried.. but I hope it turned out ok. Ugh its so irritating.
Permanent Masterlist: @mintsugarmy : @cryingpages : @exfolitae
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justabtsblog · 9 months
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Hi i love you've story I just follow in here i have request can you do namjoon having high fever really really high namjoon threw up multiple times namjoon head was really really dizzy namjoon can't stand up and walk properly and namjoon having no appetite to eat bts members take care of him and keep eyes on him
Lots of people have been requesting Namjoon with a fever so I combined your request with another I hope that's okay, I tired to combine all the elemnts from each request. This can be read as Namjin or platonic.
For  Balqisbeauty on Wattpad and bluepeacelove on Tumblr, thank you for requesting. I'm sorry I'm soooooo slow.
under the cut due to length (1376 words)
NAMJOON'S PERSPECTIVE
My head has been foggy all day, I'm even more clumsy than usual and when I snuck away to take my temperature it was 39 degrees (102.2 fahrenheit). I know that's not good but I don't feel that bad so why worry everyone. I can't disappoint ARMY, I have to do the show tonight.
As we rehearse I keep treading on Jin's foot. "Ow! That hurt. That's the third time today Joon, are you alright?"
"What oh, yeah I was just distracted." I change the subject, "Is your foot okay?"
"Yeah, just be careful we don't want anyone getting hurt tonight, including you."
I nod, feeling a bit guilty. I should just go on and tell him but, what if they make me sit out of the show? I can't do that. I notice my vision getting slightly blurry and panic for a moment but the thought of seeing ARMY and impressing them lets me calm down and gives me the will to continue on.
When we get out on stage the fans scream and the sound assaults my ears leaving them ringing but slowly, I get used to it, the ringing gets louder and blocks out the screams. The first few songs go alright but I find myself struggling to keep up with the choreography. Despite being okay during rehearsal, I'm not able to match the frantic energy of a concert.
I just have to hold on until we have an outfit change so I can get some water and maybe some medication. But I don't think I'm going to make it that long.
Black dots obscure my vision, warping the image like snow on an old television or a crack on a computer screen slowly spreading until the entire screen is black and fuzzy. I stand helpless and dizzy as the once small dots consume everything. I'm sure I look like an idiot. I feel hot with embarrassment and then I hear a thump and then . . . nothing.
JIN'S PERSPECTIVE
The energy on the stage is everything we all look forward to. Wild and crazy, a long awaited get together between us and ARMY. Namjoon looks a little dazed at first but greets the audience with enthusiasm. 
I almost don't remember I have a mic on and I struggle not to cry out in pain when Namjoon's boot clad foot stamps down hard on my own.
I shoot him a look, he doesn't seem to notice. He doesn't look like he's noticing much of anything. He's at least three steps behind in the choreography. What's going on? He looks around with an almost desperate look on his face, blinking intensely.
He begins to sway on his feet, crap! I break the formation and reach out to him, we both fall to the floor as he faints.
Jimin who was next to me looks over and lets out a confused squeak only amplified by his mic. Screaming erupts through the arena, this time in fear not excitement.
Luckily we've all been trained on what to do in this scenario. "Medic!" I shout and then more quietly to Hoseok, "Tell them he's just fainted."
He nods and uses his notoriously loud voice to reach over the screams and inform the crowd.
The medical staff appear and we all follow them backstage.
"He has an extremely high fever. Were any of you aware of this?"
"He was a bit out of it at rehearsal but other than that no, he didn't say anything." I say, feeling honestly a little mad. Mad at Namjoon for hiding this and not looking after his health, mad at myself for not noticing sooner.
"Okay, he'll need rest and fluids right away."
I nod and we step back letting the medics do their work. The medics have to stop a few times to allow Namjoon to throw up. I wince each time. Namjoon does drink some water but then falls asleep. At least he's getting some rest. He doesn't wake the entire time we're bringing him back to the hotel, letting me and one of the staff support his weight.
When he wakes up I instruct everyone not to crowd around him. I have to hold back my own frustration at his stubborn self-endangering behaviour.
He blinks his eyes open. I can't resist hugging him tightly.
"Jin?"
"Yes Joon-ah. You gave us and ARMY quite a scare."
I can see his eyes beginning to sparkle with tears, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
He sits up and wraps his arms around me, returning the hug.
"Is there anything I can get you? Some water, food?"
"No, I'm not feeling very hungry." He gives a small smile.
"Of course not." We stay hugging for a while.
I open my eyes to a morning sky out the window of the hotel, we must've fallen asleep together. A warm body shifts under me, Namjoon. 
"Oh sorry."
"It's okay." he says softly, voice almost nonexistent.
"Oh crap Joon, your voice. Is your throat okay?"
He nods then clears his throat heavily, "but my head feels funny."
I put my hand to his forehead worriedly luckily it isn't nearly as warm as before.
"Your temperature is down but you're probably going to be feeling pretty bad."
He just nods again. I can hear footsteps outside, it must be the others. Finally our surroundings register with me. We're in Joonie's room. Memories come back in flashes of the staff helping both of our sleepy forms into the hotel room for the night.
"Can we come in?" Hoseok asks softly.
"Yeah, could one of you also bring some tea for Joon, his voice is gone?"
"Oh, of course, Yoons will go." At his words I hear someone shuffle off, most likely the aforementioned man.
Namjoon starts to stand, probably to get the door, but he falls back on the bed clumsily. He looks embarrassed and I offer my arm. We walk slowly to the door and open it. 
The remaining members stand in the hall, all holding different things. Tissues, blankets, an extra bin. I cringe remembering Namjoon's horrible experience last night. He threw up five times. Hoseok had to leave the room. Namjoon blushes at the attention.
We all sit with our leader, who leans his head on my shoulder seemingly only moments from falling asleep again.
When Yoongi returns with the tea, I help Namjoon sit up.
"Thank you so much, hyungs, maknaes."
"Of course, how do you feel, hyung?" Jimin asks, taking the cup from Joon's slightly shaking hand.
"Woozy, I just want to lay down."
"Yes, you need rest. Do you think you could stand to eat something, Joonie?" I ask
He shakes his head vigorously paling a little at the mention of food.
"Understandable."
We both laugh a little. I hesitate. I don't want to scold him but we need to make sure this never happens again.
Hoseok must have read my mind. "Namjoon. Why didn't you tell us you weren't feeling well?"
"Oh. Uh . . . I-I" He looks down, avoiding our eyes or maybe to hide the tears forming in his own, "I didn't want to disappoint the fans. I'm the leader, afterall."
We all have the same thoughts and it's a mess of hands patting his back and shoulder and head, consoling him.
"Joon," Yoongi looks our leader in the eyes, "You're the youngest hyung, our baby, as much as Kook, Tae or Minnie, it's our job to look after you."
"You're never a bother, your health is more important than any show." Hoseok adds
"Yes, please next time tell us, you gave us and ARMY a big scare, poor Hoseok almost had a heart attack when you started puking."
"Ah, please don't mention that." Hoseok looks embarrassed and vaguely disgusted at the same time, he steps behind Yoongi. "Sorry, Joon. I know it isn't your fault, I just can't."
Namjoon nods, still a little teary.
"The medical staff said that if you'd said something earlier you may have even been able to take medication and be on stage with us at least. They think you should be able to do the next show or at least the one after that, besides, ARMY is happy to have you there, whether or not you perform. Next time don't push yourself so much, okay, hmm?"
"Okay."
We all nod, forming a large mass of bodies in a seven person group hug. We'll definitely be spying more attention from now on.
(A/N: I'm bad at endings, sorry.)
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ina-nis · 7 months
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"What can I do to help you?"
Can you love me? If yes, can you love me in the way I need to be loved?
Your answer will probably be "no," considering the nature of our relationship.
So the next best thing is therapy.
And I still will not receive the love I need.
Then I have to turn inwards with self-care, self-improvement, hobbies, a healthy diet and sleep and exercise.
And I still will not receive the love I need.
Then I turn outwards, and seek people and seek places and I keep on trying what I can despite how much it drains me and how much I'm forcing myself to do it because it's neither fun nor enjoyable.
And I still will not receive the love I need.
I have not attempted suicide in almost 3 years that I've been trying my hardest to follow the treatment and keep my head above water.
But I tried today,
and again,
and again.
"You can make this pain stop." my brain is practically begging me to stop.
It's like all the stop gaps end up having the opposite effect and only end up triggering me even more.
Who can I turn to? I don't trust my therapist or much of anyone, and the people I do trust, I can't talk to them because they can't help me, because they can't love me how I need.
It's as if I didn't really have anyone. How ironic.
I'm just avoiding them now.
I feel quite literally empty and it frustrates me that nothing can fill this but another person, I don't like it and hell, I'd not want to kill myself over something as fucking stupid as this but here we are, huh?
"What can I do to help you?"
"It's alright, thank you! Things will improve soon." That's what they want to hear, right?
I refuse to let my life be in someone else's hand and yet, the pain loneliness causes is just too big for me to take on all by myself. But I take it, and take it, and take it some more. There's really no escaping it.
How to go on when the pain is this horrible and nothing helps anymore?
Do I really want to prolong this torment for another month, and another year and another decade?
Why joy does nothing to help me feel better or ease the pain?
Why feeling happy and satisfied doesn't help either?
Why am I supposed to hold onto the good for my dear life while feeling so miserable and terribly lonely?
Why can't I see it's worth it despite the pain?
Why does the pain blind me to everything else?
I don't want to die but I'm exhausted. I'm tired of fighting this.
I've been trying to talk myself down from the overwhelm and get myself up but I just start crying. Every time.
I don't really know what to do. A lot of the answers and conclusions I came to help momentarily, but this is an old chronic problem. It's like trying to dry out the ocean with a towel.
I don't feel better after talking about it or venting.
I just feel numb.
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the-one-who-lambs · 1 year
Note
17, 18 and 29 for the ao3 wrap~?
17. Your favorite character to write this year?
Probably Narinder, as evidenced by the fact that he's been centric to or appeared in literally everything I've written so far. In a few days, when I publish something I've already written for a CotL secret santa, this will no longer be true, but still. He's the comfort character I'm hyperfixating on, mostly because I'm obsessed with the ideas of his character arcs. Now, we've never seen them happen in canon outright, but we know at least that he had a family who he was close to and who loved him and then betrayed them, though we don't know exactly how or why. And then, once Lamb usurps him, the twinge of regret and potential softening of his personality once he's not, you know, trapped in a prison of his own sins and seething with rage and hatred all the time because that's not sustainable when you're not a god. He's had at least two major personality changes throughout his lifetime and I love imagining how he deals with (or doesn't deal with) that.
18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?
Hmm, honestly? The Lamb/Lambert. Here's my take on them that I hopefully conveyed well: I wanted to give them a personality that seems cheery and positive, and seems like they genuinely care for others/their followers, but honestly knowing that they can't care for so many people when they have their own desires. They care for their followers in a general sense, but not really on an individual level unless said follower has some type of significance to them (e.g. Narinder, their first follower, spouses who became close friends, etc.). They're constantly tired and constantly having to put off addressing that fact because so many individuals depend on them. They know they have done evil only because of the situation they found themself in, and has generally accepted their own depravity.
...Not that any of the followers know any of this. They keep all this below the surface.
29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?
GOD...
The final flashback of Requiem and the conversation between Narinder and Shamura will always be special. It has a little bit of everything that I love about their dynamic (or at least how I imagine it). The gentle way they reprimand him, the best way they know to show him they care. Narinder, back before he even considered the possibility of him revolting, showing how much he worries for and loves his family in his own kinda standoffish way. Him knowing he can be vulnerable around Shamura and trusting them fully.
And then, the subtle tone shift that Narinder doesn't really pick up on when Shamura has their vision: he doesn't know it in the moment but this is when they foresee his revolt and the eventual possibility of the destruction of the Old Faith. And how they manage to keep it together, how their brother is still their main concern in the moment but now with the knowledge that their closeness will not last. It makes their last line have totally different meanings for Shamura and Narinder.
“My first baby brother,” Shamura whispered. “You’ll always be my little kitten.”
To Narinder, Shamura seems to be saying this as the headstrong and determined yet thoroughly loving oldest sibling that they are to him. But to Shamura, this statement is a lot more painful. They foresee what he will do to them and STILL they know, despite this, they will continue to love him as their little brother.
And finally, when Narinder comes back to himself in the present, realizing he's crying. Thousands of years have passed and he finally realizes what Shamura saw then and what they meant. And he's still so angry but he misses them and doesn't know why. After a thousand years of basically denying himself any emotion it's way too hard to process so he just shuts down.
"He hated them all so much for their betrayal that he circled around right back to love."
Y'all know that piece of advice to lead with your best material? I don't know if I'll be able to top Requiem for CotL fanfics, but tbh? I'm okay with that.
Thanks SO MUCH for the ask!!
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iwaasfairy · 1 year
Note
Heyo Fairy!! I hope your day/night/evening/morning/afternoon is going amazingly, and that you never forget that you are that bitch! (Affectionate, obv) Seriously, I remember when I first started having these "darker" thoughts about characters and I was like 'What the fuck is wrong with me?' and then years later, I find your and Rhi's blog. Y'all let me realize that it's perfectly normal to think these things, even if those who don't, or deny that they do, think otherwise. So, seriously, thank you, y'all mean so, so, SO MUCH to me! Like big sisters that help me see there's nothing wrong with me, even if people I know irl would say "wtf?" 🥹
Ahhh, sorry, that was so fucking sappy! 🫣 I just wanted to ya know that it really does mean a lot to people like me, and your other followers, that y'all are brave enough to post the things you do despite all the little bitches that try and tear y'all down 🥹
... That was sappy again 🤦🏻‍♀️ y'know what, what the fuck ever, I'm just a soft person when it comes to emotions and shit, I'll deal with it 😤
That all being said, I can't belIEVE it took me this long to comment on 2 of Cups! Okay, so, when part 1, and 2, came out, I had no idea who Rin and Sae were. I didn't even know what Blue Lock was, just that it's a manga/anime. I was like oh, okay, cool! I read part one anyway, and was all like "... I gotta watch this. If the anime isn't out yet, I gotta watch it as soon as it DOES come out." (I'm an anime only, because I almost always give characters the exact same voice if I have nothing to go off of 😒 I struggle with it fr fr. anYWAY—) So, I don't... Think? I'd read part 2 yet, tbh I think I completely forgot about it, the memory is NOT good, I'm so sorry! So when the anime DID come out, I wasn't actually aware 😅 until they uploaded episode, like... 10? Or 11? Of the English Dub? AnywAY! THE POINT Is, I started watching because of things I've read, I was TIRED of looking up every single character when I read about them 😭 SO, I watched, got caught up to where it is now, and am waiting for the next episode, and you mention 2 of Cups part 3 is coming out, and I was like "oH SHIT, I REMEMBER READING PART 1!" So, I went back, read parts 1 and 2, absolutely ADORED them, despite the pain 🥹 Like, Rin's pining, but not wanting to do anything because of SAE, that little bitch, that won't admit he's the sAME and keeps being an AsS when Rea-chan and Rin are even remotely affectionate, AaAAAAHHHH! And I was so exCITED for part 3! And then part 3 came out, and... It absolutely bLEW MY IMAGINATION OUT OF THE PARK, LIKE!! !! I dunno, what I was expecting to happen, but I'm so happy it went the way it did! I mean, yeah, sure, it hURT, what with Sae continuing to be an ass, and RIn, poor rIN! Sweet baby, he's so! I can't even begin to espresso how in absolute awe I'm in of this mASTERPIECE! It keeps me up at night, thinking about it, and about what may happen next. Like, did Sae go back to, I think it was... Spain? Did he just go somewhere else for the time being, and he'll be back? Will Rin give in to his fantasies? Will he be soft and gentle if he does? Would he absolutely destroy Rea-chan with his roughness? Would he start off gentle, and then lose it?
So many questions, but I can wait to have them answered; I know you work incredibly hard, and that writing really takes time 🥰 PLUS, we can't have you not sleeping! The Queen of Fairies needs her sleep, she must rest and take care of herself 🥺 Love you much, take care!! 🥰
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firST OF ALL,no yOURE THAT BITCH!!!! YOU ARE! YOU ARE! wtfFDSGD thIS IS SO FUCKING SWEET im gonna cry and scREam !!! ♡♡♡ yes iT is totally normal for you to thrive off of taboo, tIS ouR little bug brains,, and alSO IM MASTER OF SAP i doNT MIND YOU BEING SAPPY PLS THIS IS SO SWEEETTTTTT :/ makes me cry. i hope you know i see every like and rb and i get the dumbest fondest grin on my stupid face any time you're in my notifs, or def when you send an ask or a comment or anything i jUST mELT
and stOPPDbhFu MASTERpiECE i??FYFDyd pLS pls pls oml iM SO VERY VERY HAPPY you LIKED thE FIc and iM bery happy i decided to give myself room for a part 4 bc i think iLL need iT im just Too foND of thEm!! and YES oml manY quESTions right??? i! haven't figured them all out yet so i can't exactly tell you everything but i do know that Sae's still in Japan, he's not yet going back to Spain,, i think Sae just can't handle the idea of rea-chan being with Rin and a similar grudge against him,, and :))) heheh for the smut :))) we shall have to wait and see
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simphasocs · 10 months
Text
Silence - Lore
TW: Thoughts of su*cide, depression, negative thoughts
So, I randomly decided to write something as I have a breakdown. I dont know, this is pretty messy and just... eh. I needed to let out some feelings so there. I honestly dont know if i wanna change Lore's UM but I might someday or something. The people here are supposed to be Rook and Azul but right now Im too tired to wrjte them in detajl. I dont know why i did this in first person either since I havent written a first person persctive in a long long while. My lack of sleep and breakdown explains the messy,.everytbinf. i really dont know what the hell i wrote but i wrote something, so yeah
I thought I was fine. Sure I was wrong to think that I can handle this by myself. I'm on my third year, I'm not foreign to the concept of asking help. I've done that before. In little things such as studying so I can understand the lessons better.
So why is it that I feel so terrified to ask my friends for help?
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe!
I can't—
I could hear a faint knocking on my door. I don't think I can face anyone right now, I can't.
As I hug myself tight, the headache never fading as I feel my vision swirl. If I were to collapse here and not wake up for a while... would anyone notice? Surely someone would, they're my friends after all. And yet, I still feel uncertain. What if they don't notice? What if no one does?
Again, the knocking continues except this time much louder. I hear a few voices but they sound so muffled to my ears that I don't know who it is. I don't think I want to know either.
I want to cry and scream but if I do then they'll hear me.
I'm so tired.
I just want this to be over with. I want everything to be over with.
There was a faint clicking sound from the door— no!
I can't let them see me like this! I can't let anyone know. If they know then what if they see me as a burden? What if they see me as pathetic? What if they hate me?
And with that, despite being exhausted in every sense of the word—I used what's left of my energy to use my unique magic. "Dream Well", so that everyone outside of my room can't get in. I know after a while they'll just get in but at least... at least I held them off for much longer.
Grasping my chest for air, I felt my pen. My shaking fingers carefully removed the pen as I examine it; black, it's covered in black...?
I don't... I didn't think I used my magic all that much...
I feel so lonely. I don't want to exist anymore. I want to talk to them but I'm scared, I'm terrified. I want to pretend I never existed. I want to be comforted. I want to feel safe. I don't want to be a bother. I want to fade away.
The thoughts are getting louder... I know I shouldn't listen, I already went through this. I shouldn't listen. I shouldn't listen.
And yet I do. Even as the thoughts are nothing but doubts and lies that hold no truth, I listen.
The thoughts that tell me that they—everyone— won't care if I stop existing. The thought that I'm nothing but a bother to everyone around me. The thought that I shouldn't have interacted with anyone so that they wouldn't be dragged into my mess. The thought that I should've left them when it was still early, that way I wouldn't be wasting anyone's time.
I feel something wet on my face, the moment I touch my face, I was pulled back to reality. When did I start crying...? My fingers are shaking too...
I guess I was hyperventilating the whole time...
The more I feel myself come back to reality, the more I notice things. Like how my vision is foggy. Or how the dulling pain in my head never left, same with the dizziness.
I've been stuck to my thoughts this whole time that I never heard myself speak, I don't think I even remember how I sound like. My whole body feels so numb and weak. Do I just give in...? Do I just let the fatigue get to me...?
I feel like I'm close to fainting, it's a good thing I'm on the bed. I won't bother anyone. I won't be anymore. I'll just stay here for a long long while...
I must've forgotten about the people at the door since I heard a the click of the doorknob, someone's probably gotten inside. I don't have the energy to check anymore...
I think I heard someone say something to me but I can't make out what they said. Everything sounds so muffled. My vision is slowly being covered in black and all I saw are yellow and white till—
I woke up a day affter that. I knew because they told me. I don't know why they're here by my side. I also don't know why I opened up to them. I still want to run away and pretend I never existed nor mattered but right now... I'm fine existing...
They made me feel like my existence isn't a burden. I don't really understand how nor why... but I tried to trust them and their words. For now I'll accept the help they're offering.
I'm scared still. I don't want to involve them in my messy private life any further than this. I really don't want to, I'm fine choosing to hide my presence and my existence than to trust people. I really don't want to be a bother. But... for now I'll allow myself to be. I'll ignore the thoughts telling me how much I'm wasting their time and efforts. How I'm a waste of space. How I don't deserve the help they're giving me, the comfort and kindness.
The thoughts get louder each moment but I ignore it. For now I'll endure it, for now I'll ignore it. For now I'll accept their presence by my side. I may not tell them the thoughts in my head for now or any time soon but I can allow them to see my physical weakness. The effects of thoughts. For now I'll be fine.
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protokirby · 1 year
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another vent post. don't read if you don't want to see upsetting stuff
I just punched myself in the eyeball by accident and when I went to check the damage in the mirror, there's a bunch of red squiggly lines and the white of that eye turned a very desaturated dark purple sort of color. And I'm hallucinating a little from that eye but thankfully I can still see very well from it and hopefully it will heal if I keep it covered. But this made me remember a time during when I was in high school. One morning, I woke up with one of my eyes bloodshot. Not sure how it happened, but it was bad. I begged mom not to make me go to school because of the pain. Sure, it would have still been hurting if I stayed home, but school just makes everything a thousand times worse. Relentless bullying every single day for about 13 years and nobody ever did anything. Ever. Some lady said that bullying for that long is definitely harassment and also a hate crime against an autistic person that someone can get arrested over. BUT OH GUESS WHAT- the one time she caught one of em in the act of bullying, you know what she said? "Oh, he's just playing." No??? That's one of the people who made my life a living hell until I graduated. Not "playing" anything except torture. Another time, I was crying about the bullying, though completely silently because I was in one of those rooms meant for students who need to have quiet in order to focus on tests. I mean, I'm usually dead silent when I cry anyway, but you have an idea of the setting I was in at the moment. I was also trying to hide the fact that I was crying at all because I didn't want to be seen. But someone in the room noticed anyway and came up to me asking why I was crying and if I was okay and I (quietly) said that I was tired of the constant bullying. Then the man who was in charge of keeping the documentation of my autistic traits that all my teachers need to see fricking screamed at me out of nowhere "The world doesn't revolve around you!!" and I'm still so baffled by the situation that even now I'm at a loss for words just remembering it. And the fact that this guy was the person in charge of informing my teachers about my behavior explained a lot about how I was treated by most of the adults in the school. I also was required to have someone walk me between classes and help me with work when I needed help.
But let me explain what exactly the lady who was supposed to do all that actually did. (let's call her poop stain) Poop stain had no concern for personal space, got mad at me over the slightest little thing, made no effort at all to help me, was eating loud crunchy chips all the time and often sat right next to me doing it, overly rude all the time, yelled at me to quit drawing but it was for a class assignment and poop stain didn't care. Poop stain just wanted me to not draw which is one of the few things I could enjoy, (one year, poop stain walked with my sister instead and my sister has horror stories about her too including but not limited to using my sister as a slave, having her pick up poop stain's empty chip bags off the floor or wherever, marking off points for doing assignments correctly but in a way poop stain didn't like.) and I could go on about poop stain but I don't really care to. So anyway, back to the thing about being forced to go to school with a bloodshot eye. I just wrapped a scarf around my head to cushion it and didn't think anything of it. it was a small scarf and enough of my face could still be seen that it wasn't obscuring my identity at all so I figured it would be fine. And it was- until poop stain arrived on scene and told me to take it off. I did and explained about my bloodshot eye and poop stain acknowledged that my eyes indeed looked bloodshot when I made a very pained effort to show her, knowing she wouldn't take me seriously about it otherwise. Also my eye was in so much pain that there were constant tears flowing out of it despite it being closed shut. But anyway, I went to get a tissue to hold over it because the scarf wasn't allowed. I thought that was the end of it and I'd just have to have one less hand free for the day holding the tissue over my eye. Nope. Poop stain wasn't going to just sit there and let me have any kind of relief. She said that the tissue I was holding over my eye, which was already soaking wet with tears within the time I got back to my seat after just putting it on, was a head covering and I needed to take it off. Keep in mind, this is a tissue. A tissue that I'm having to hold over my then bloodshot eye to ease pain. This time I refused. I said nothing and continued doing work while holding the tissue over my eye. Or I tried to anyway. She kept yelling at me. At this point, a teacher from another room came in to see what was up with the noise. (I don't remember the reason why, but that day I was put in an empty classroom alone with poop stain.) Poop stain begins to tell this teacher about my "head covering" and "disrespectful attitude" and this teacher takes one look at me and then back at poop stain. Then she has this expression of pure dumbfoundedness at poop stain. Like this teacher had full realization that poop stain is in fact a monster. Then the teacher had me explain my side of the story, which I did. A small argument between poop stain and the visiting teacher started but the visiting teacher eventually left and nothing ended up being done about poop stain. I do not know if poop stain still works at the school, but I feel bad for anyone who has ever come into contact with her.
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mydarktales · 2 years
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~Best Wishes~
I hope y'all don't miss me, I hope y'all feel like y'all won
I hope y'all hate me until the point your life is done
I hope y'all laugh, talk shit, and continue to run
That same game on everyone
I hope...
I hope that...
I hope that hatred stays
I hope it's taken to the grave
I hope it comes over like a wave
And y'all feel like what y'all did was brave
---
It's fuck you all in full, I stand on that to this day
I humanize with you all, but y'all still catch strays
That's the human in me, y'all know that I don't play
Admit the wrong in the ways y'all hurt me, cuz I'll say
This shit to everybody, I'll say it to everybody, please replay
Until the day accountability takes the space
And y'all admit what y'all did was not okay
But if you don't, I'm not making the effort to see it
They thought they were on god shit and y'all know I don't believe it
I was really hurt about the shit, I spent days grieving
Crying, screaming, asking "what was the reason?"
Y'all framed it as payback, an odd desire to get even
To the point of leaning on mocking disorders, I can't fix
Ableist, then pretend like you're all above this shit
Like y'all were the ones who lost trust in shit
Like I was the one who didn't give enough of shit
I cut these ties before y'all did, yet y'all wanted none of this?
(shit makes no sense...)
---
Go through every text, each one of you said you loved me. Heart emojis and all
Told you I respect your choices, even if it was through the phone calls
I expressed my guilt for the drama that I got y'all involved
In, because I thought my friends could help me resolve
Issues that felt a bit too tall
But it was fake, y'all was laughing behind those walls
Removing steps while blindfolding me, so when I fall
Y'all could blame it on me, just say that it was all
Me
I provided some of you shelter, some of you company
Transportation without a fee
Covered rent and security
But there was nothing that was secure for me
Nothing done that was pure for me
Nothing that resembles a peer to me
"Y'all saw my pain", I'm tired of repeating that line, y'all weren't here for me
Nor hearing me,
Push me to bad places and suddenly have fear for me?
The toxic masculinity and femininities
Exchange of energies gave you all feelings of intimacy
I'm not too proud to say all of that didn't bring offense to me
That's why when I speak on y'all names, I make it clear y'all don't mean shit to me
I erase y'all from every part of my life's history
It's cathartic, to shit on the people who pissed on me
To have obtained another degree
And many more things that y'all never see
I'm proud I've grown from holding myself and letting these arms bleed
To letting people who care for me wrap their arms around me
Despite the spite, my life has only improved
I'm happy I took the steps to get that honesty out of yall and then get y'all removed
I've healed my scars, so I know a bruise will heal too
In some ways, I really hope y'all heal too
(but it's still fuck y'all regardless)
youtube
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honey-milk-depresso · 2 years
Note
hello! can i request a marius von hagen! twst s/o with leona, malleus, azul and vil? anyway i hope you have a great day ahead of you! :))
JHHHGDGDH IM A MARIUS SIMP SHJKSHJH- AHHH I LOVE THIS STUPID LOVEABLE MAN DGHJDHGD- but I had no energy for Malleus ;-;;;;;
Born in the epicenter of the massive corporation as a heir, you grew tired of the endless politics and scheming.
You never follow the rules, carefree, rebellious and a player, all to hide your true self. This is also the reason why the public doubts whether you are capable of inheriting and leading such a vast family corporation.
You show a distaste for those who see art as nothing more than a status symbol.
TWST The rebellious, flamboyant and artistic heir, s/o (Marius)
Leona Kingscholarship
It's nothing new to him, meeting another heir. He's seen guests with status such as yours.
But what ticks him off and yet amazes him is your carefree nature and thoughts about being heir.
While you did flaunt your stuff at him from time to time, he could tell that you're not all that snobby and obnoxious like most others.
You're only quite flirty when you're around him, but he could tell you meant it in a teasing and friendly manner, to which he scoffs and gently pushes you aside.
It was good to know he could hang out with someone despite having a high status, despite HIM having a high status, you're still a chill, weird ass person he could at least call a friend.
You showed him many of your paintings, expressing to him that it's your form of expression and that you truly like doing so, which intrigued the lion king. Usually art is something seen as "rich kid stuff". And he doesn't like art. But hey, at least you have fun, and you don't see it that way.
But one time, he stepped in on when you were super frustrated, seeing you cry into your pillow.
You quickly noticed him, and tried (quite miserably) to recover and act as per usual. "H-hey, man! H-how's it going?? Hehehe..."
Leona only sighs. Perhaps it's about the media again. You always expressed how you hated the politics and media's attention every time that it pressured you.
He walked up to you, plopped himself right next to you and pat your head, guiding you towards his chest and letting you rest on him.
He didn't say much but... you felt a little better. <3
Azul Ashengrotto
Azul was ecstatic to hear you were a heir to a big corporation at first glance.
But DEAR GOD were you a pain sometimes.
You constantly tuner out whatever he's saying and you don't even hide it, and you... you keep flirting with him, and he knows it's lighthearted, BUT DON'T DO IT IN PUBLIC DUHDDJ-
He gets all flustered and embarrassed and pushes you aside.
Sure, you're pretty smart, but if you could jUST LISTEN TO HIM- MAYBE YOU AND HIM CAN BE BUSINESS PARTNERS AND GROW BOTH PARTIES' WEALTH-
And you told him very straight that you're not interested, even after acknowledging it does help.
God... you can be so immature... but... he can't help but be glued to you.
He's... never been so happy being with someone who's chill and doesn't care about his image. They care about his heart, and genuinely gives no flying frick about whatever's in his pocket.
One day he saw you painting, something he really loves about you. You paint so well, and it's not because it's a "rick kid activity" but you genuinely found passion in it.
But today, he sees a very serious scowl on your face, little beads of tears dropped down little by little. And you turned to him, startled.
"O-oh! A-azul! Hey, um, why are you here suddenly??" you tried to regain composure. He knew all too well about your frustration towards the media, even the painting reflects it to him.
"There's no need to hide how you feel. I'm here for you." <3
Vil Schoenheit
Oh... another one of those types of rich kids, he first thought.
You were that player, trying to flirt with him and Neige, though Neige didn't seem to be all bothered and took lightheartedly as you did, but it irked him a little.
Vil used to think that people like you don't work hard. And while that may or may not be entirely true (I mean- you're pretty smart fam-), Vil had no respect for you at first.
But you had art, your way of expressing.
He must say that your art is beautiful. But then again... this could be just those "rich kid activities" he's come to hear of.
"Excuse me?! I love art!!" you furiously told him, a pout on your face as he blinked in surprise.
Oh wow. He... didn't expect you to be this defensive over art. Perhaps it truly is your hobby. Vil had his respect for you raised a little higher. Not much, he's still annoyed by your flirting, stubborn self and carefree attitude, but he respected that you hold and stay true to your passion, and that you didn't really care about who he was after spending more time with him. Like, as if he was a regular, non idol friend-
Then...
"S/o? What happened?"
He heard soft sobbing in your room, which concerned him.
You tried to play it off cool, wiping your tears away and try acting like your "usual self".
Vil remembered you attracted the paparazzi and news media who had no respect and pressured you while you were minding your own business. You hated it, he remembers, perhaps you cracked under pressure.
Vil sat beside you, using his hand to rub your back as you leaned on him and quietly and gradually break down again.
"There, there. I know how you feel." And he rested his head on yours. <3
Reblogs help! ^^
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Mafia!Ateez reaction to s/o being abused by her family
Warnings: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK domestic abuse, bruises, scars, toxic family behaviour, manipulation, torture, mentions of blood, smoking, murder, death
I'm so sorry if this made you uncomfortable, my dms are always open if you want to talk about anything
Requested by @racheloveyunho
It only gets darker and longer with the next member
Hongjoong
He came home early so you weren't prepared and were wearing a tanktop with shorts
He saw the bruises on your back and thighs
When he asked you about it later that day, you sobbed and told him that your brothers beat you because you insisted on moving in with Hongjoong
Would pretend that it didn't affect him but on the inside he's furious
He himself doesn't like to physically discipline anyone unless it is necessary or they get on his nerves and bring him to that point
How dare they lay a finger on you
He wouldn't change his behaviour with you, he'd be his usual caring self, all the while planning to knock some sense into your brothers
He laid a trap for your brothers to fall right into and met with them personally
He's a reasonable man so he started with talking to them but when they didn't listen and called him slurs he threatened to murder them
They knew Hongjoong was a part of a mafia and didn't want to anger him any further
They promised him that they would treat you better
Seonghwa
You told him you tripped and fell while you were packing your things to move in with him and that's how you got the bruise on your head and a busted lip
He bought it honestly because he's soft for you and couldn't see you like that so his focus was to get you the medical treatment you needed
You were happy with him and spent almost all of your time with him but he didn't want to hold you back form meeting your friends and family
You were ecstatic to meet your friends but not your family
They hurt you after all
So when he had someone drop you off to your family house, you were nervous but still went inside to meet them
What you got was taunts and verbal abuse
When you tried convincing them that Seonghwa was indeed very kind and loving towards you, they hit you so hard, you lost your balance and your back hit the glass corner of the table which you tried holding onto and ended up scratching your upper arm, drawing blood
You were shocked and hurt and ran out of the house
You hailed a taxi and went to your friend's house and told Seonghwa to pick you up from there
When he came home that night, you were already asleep
In the morning he woke up and found you in the kitchen at the brink of tears and you cheek was a little swollen and purplish
He asked you what happened but you said you liked hanging out with your friends yesterday and these were tears of joy and that your swollen cheek was because you ran into a glass wall
He believed you like always and wrapped his arms around you to pull you into an embrace and accidentally put pressure on the bruise on your back from yesterday
You yelped and arched your back
This time he didn't ask you but lifted your shirt to see for himself, despite your protests and was shocked to say the least
He made you feel comfortable enough to tell him that it was your family's doing
He reassured you that everything will be okay and that you could stay with him forever
That night he paid your family a visit after you went to sleep
They never contacted you again
Yunho
Your family was very religious and never really messed with you because Yunho made it very clear how protective he was towards you
Any bitter comment from your family would earn them a death glare from Yunho
He'd stare them down until they got super uncomfortable
Nobody knew what he was capable of, other than the fact that he was involved with a mafia
Your family wanted you to stay away from him but you loved him and he had promised to protect you and shield you from the mafia life
Yunho's girlfriend had no face, no one in the mafia world had ever seen you
One day you were visiting your family to celebrate your sister's birthday
You felt unwelcomed, you own blood was making you feel uncomfortable
When the guests had left and it was time to open the presents, your brother told you to go home
You were embarrassed but tried to reason with him that you guys were family
He started saying hurtful things and called you a slut and accused you of selling yourself to a dirty mafia rat who kills people for a living. He said you are nothing but his whore and he will replace you one day when he is tired of you and then you will have no one to turn to because they didn't consider you family anymore
You got up and went to the home. The home Yunho had made in the middle of a dense forest to hide you and came to see you almost every day
Yunho had decided to complete his work in advance today so he could spend more time with you in the next days, since you said you would be at your family house today
You unlocked the door and went in crying. You were wailing so hard that you laid on the floor in the lobby
You screamed when you felt someone grab you by your arms and made you sit up
Yunho looked at you in shock and worry, you nuzzled your face in the crook of his neck and cried your heart out, not caring if you were being loud and looking like a mess
You didn't need to tell him what had happened because he was aware your family had something to do with this
You woke up in bed the next day, feeling numb but had a severe headache
You looked around the room and saw a shirtless Yunho starting outside the window, you called out to him "Yunho..."
"I don't want to know what they did or said. I'm never ever going to allow you to meet them again. It took everything I had in me to stop from murdering them because I don't want to hurt you, but I can't have anyone else hurting you either"
He turned around and looked furious, you had only once seen him this angry when a spy from another mafia broke into your house and tried to stab you. Yunho had ripped his jaw off of his face with his bare hands in front of you and you fainted from shock from the intensity of the situation
Right now he had the same look on his face and you didn't want to anger him any further
Yeosang
He had never been the one to talk a lot
His calm and collected nature made people underestimate him
Your family used to love Yeosang and were supportive of your relationship with him, they were happy when you moved in with him, but that was before they knew who he was
Only you knew that Yeosang was a cold blooded killer. He was his gang's ace, he was sharp, very intelligent and very manipulative, not to mention he was the second most strongest member and was very good with weapons, his speciality being butterfly knives. He killed people the bad guys and felt no remorse. His gang members often joke that he only feels two emotions, rage when the bad guys cause menace and love towards you.
He got you pregnant and you were now worried but Yeosang had reassured you that no one in this world will ever lay a finger on you as long as he is by your side. He made you feel safe and loved. He didn't trust anyone to help you around the house so he stayed home to help you.
One day your family came over to meet you and ask after you unannounced, you being 7 months pregnant, were home alone
They wanted to see your huge house, you were nervous because you didn't want them to see some rooms but couldn't keep up with them because you got tired from walking
Then the unthinkable happened, they saw everything. They saw Yeosang's training room, his collection of knives and bulletin boards with photos of people, nasty looking people. One board had two sets of photos of the same person, one photo was for Yeosang to know who to attack and the other photo of the same person killed by him. Yeosang never wanted you to see the contents of the room, let alone your family.
They told you to come with them and to leave Yeosang but you tried to tell them that you were more than okay and wanted to stay with him
It all happened too fast, your father grabbed you by your arm, dragged you outside and forced you to sit in the car while your mother pleaded to him to not shove you around like that in this state. They didn't drive home, they were fleeing the city to get as far away from Yeosang as possible
You were screaming, your parents paid no attention to you, they thought you were protesting but actually you were screaming because of the excruciating pain you were experiencing. You were bleeding and your mom had noticed it but they were on a highway and there was no hospital nearby. They couldn't do anything about it so they kept driving out of the city, your father hoping the child would die in your womb because he now hated Yeosang and wouldn't be able to love his child either.
You fainted and after 2 hours of driving, they got to a hospital. No one knew but you were carrying twins, sadly one of them had died in your womb while the other was born healthy. You were now fighting for your life. Your parents were scared for you and afraid of being tracked down by Yeosang.
You and your baby spent a month in the hospital and recovered enough for your parents take you with them
On the other side Yeosang was on the verge of a mental breakdown. He was out looking for you, now scared and confused and in rage. He didn't know who had taken you away and was frustrated and tired but he couldn't let you go. You were the love of his life and the only person in the world who ever loved him.
He got a lead on you and within hours was outside the house where your parents were hiding you.
He broke in the house in the middle of the night and found you crying on the bed with a sleeping child by your side. He instantly became soft at the sight, all the rage he had in him was replaced by love. He softly called to you and you whipped your head up and instantly ran to him.
You begged him not to harm your parents and he couldn't say no. He silently took you and his month old son back home in the dead of the night
San
San was not one person, he had two kinds of personalities, one was a ruthless assassin and the other, a passionate lover. Both personalities had him being manipulative in common
He absolutely hated your family because you were a free spirit and liked taking risks while they were the complete opposites and often tried holding you back but you always loved an adventure and that's how you ended up with Choi San.
You dispised your family the same as they did you. You were so used to the beating that you felt nothing now. Profanities were very common too and you wanted nothing but to slap each and every one of them and run away.
You were head over heals for him the moment he crossed paths with you but you didn't show that to him. He tried manipulating you into getting you to sleep with him but you knew better and brushed him off
He was used to women being on their knees for him so you not doing that was a challenge for him and he was hell bent on getting you to like him
He was going crazy over you and started meeting you at your workplace during his missions, like he had to kill a man in 30 minutes but he just had to see you first
When you weren't giving in to his art of seduction, he tried a different way
He asked you out like a decent human being and you said yes, wow that was easy, right?
No, you made him work hard for your love and affection and he was obsessed with making you happy to feel loved by you and by the time San realized what was going on, it was too late
He was madly in love with you and practically drooling over you
He finally asked you to move in with him and you said yes even though you knew your family would disapprove. You went home and packed your stuff and tried to leave but your family members didn't let you leave and in an effort of saving you from inevitable destruction which was Choi San, they beat you to the point you passed out.
They texted San from your phone, pretending to be you and told him to stay away and leave you alone, that you wanted nothing to do with him.
San was confused and scared when he got that text from you and texted you back to take your time and rethink your decision.
You woke up in your room at some point during the night, unable to open one eye because it had been bruised badly. Your head was bleeding and the blood had dried on your face. You left leg hurt a lot because of you lying in an unnatural position. You didn't have your phone or anything else
You felt empty and all you wanted was to be in San's loving embrace
It was now or never
You escaped from your window and somehow managed to get to San's front door, it was almost morning
You knocked on his door and called for him
He opened the door after some time and took in your form
He was in too much rage but he had to tend to you first
A few weeks later he came home and told you that he made sure your family is now in another city far away from you and won't contact you again
A tear slipped down your face, you were free from their torment
You kissed San and thanked him
He would do anything to make you happy
Mingi
Mingi was the notorious mafia leader who has connections with the government and the dark world
He had money and fame (the good and bad kind) and all that was missing was love and you filled that void
He loved you too much and would never let anyone hurt you
People knew better
So your own family, your own blood hurting you for wanting to live with Mingi didn't sit well with him
He was distracted at work and all he could see was your face, your tear filled eyes, your bruised arm and your distraught state
He wished he had sent someone to get you from your family house sooner so you didn't have to go through the abuse
He wished you never told them about it and just moved in with him
You were in his home, resting in his bed, thinking about what had happened
Did they really didn't see any good in Mingi?
Did they really have to hit you?
Did you do the right thing?
These thoughts flooded your mind and you were just as distracted
Mingi came home in a hurry and told you to come with him
You asked him where you guys are going and he says we're going to get back at them
He took you to your house and barged right in, unannounced
Seeing Mingi in person was overwhelming and your family were scared, pleading to him to let them go
Mingi told them that he was going to kill them for hurting you and there was panic and chaos
You came to stand next to him, squeezed his hand and softly told him that you want to go home
He couldn't say no to you so he warned them that this isn't over and took you home
You talked to Mingi and convinced him to let them go because they were your family after all
He's the one who said that if the loved toy and cared for you, they wouldn't hurt you like this and family doesn't mean you have to tolerate this kind I'd behavior when you're old enough to make decisions for yourself
You kissed him and wondered why couldn't your family see the good in him
Wooyoung
It started off with you slowly telling your folks about what Wooyoung did for a living
You were smart, so you didn't tell them about his business until you moved in with him otherwise they would have disapproved
You didn't mention that he tortured people and killed them without remorse, no, you said that he works with an organization that eliminates evil people which was true in essence
Your family was having none of it
They wanted you as far away from him as possible
You loved him and he loved you but they didn't believe it
They kept you from leaving the house and since Wooyoung was away for some time on a mission he didn't know
It was only when he got home that he found out that you hadn't returned, but he didn't think much of it because you were with your family
You on the other hand were panicking not only because you were being forced to stay away from Wooyoung but also because you just found out that you were pregnant
You had to get back to him no matter what
You refused to eat or talk to your family members, only demanding to meet Wooyoung
When he didn't get any message from you he began to get suspicious
He sent someone disguised as a delivery boy over to your house to check up on you and got word that you were sick and locked in your room
He got up and drove to your house in the middle of the night and broke through the front door. He didn't care who got in his way and pushed and punched whoever protested
He got to your room and demanded that you open it
You did and jumped at him, told him you were pregnant and they were keeping you from going back to him and cried
He took you in his arms and was taking you back with him
Your father threatened to call the police and Wooyoung simply said "say hi to chief inspector Jeon from me" leaving the father shocked
You were happy to be back with your lover and were excited about the baby, the same as Wooyoung
Jongho
Probably the strongest man in the whole mafia world
Everyone feared him
He didn't have to say twice for what he wanted because people had heard how he smashed someone's skull open with his bare fists
He had asked you to move in with him and you happily said yes
But when you told your family about your decision they asked you if you were crazy
You didn't listen to them and started packing
They weren't going to let you go to some barbarian
But you weren't listening so they had to do it the hard way
Deep down you were happy to leave because your family had always been abusive and toxic
When you were asked to leave with your suitcases your father grabbed you by your arm and shoved you against the wall
"you bitch, you really think you can disobey me?"
Your mother held you by your hair and slapped you so hard your nose started bleeding
They beat you severely and you had stopped screaming at this point
You thought you were going to die when they left you like this on the kitchen floor
You don't know what got into you but you got on your feet and ran out the front door where you were stopped by Jongho waiting for you beside his car
He saw you and gently pushed you aside and went straight inside the house
He came out after almost 20 minutes, blood splattered on his face and clothes
You were already in shock from the beating that you didn't question him
He got in the car with you, held your face in his hands and said "don't worry, I called an ambulance for them, they just might be okay"
With that your heart sank but you were too shaken to feel sad for them so you just cried
Jongho took you home
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sukirichi · 3 years
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Hi! I hope you're doing okay. So I just had a thot. And idk what to do with it. So Imma just put it here cause your blog is my new favourite. I'm not even joking. I literally devoured everything related to Tokyo Rev on your blog. So here's my theory. Do correct me if you think I'm wrong Sensei!
Bouten husbands and where they liked to be kissed the most/ or is their weakness. (Ps: it's just my opinion. I mean no offense to anyone.)
Mikey~ Kiss him on his shoulders and he'll cry. Cause he's been bearing all the burden of his dark and decaying world for so long that he doesn't even know that he needs to take a minute for himself and rely on others around him. Especially since most ppl around him are willing to give their life and limbs for Mikey. He just can't seem to keep that in mind. So you've taken it upon yourself to remind him frm time to time. Just a little peck on his strong and broad-ish shoulders to remind him that he's not alone. That if nothing, he has you. He always will.
Rindou~ Something about being kissed on his cheeks, especially by his lover, does things to him. Like his cardiovascular muscles do a little somersault in his chest or something. Because yes, it doesn't matter if he's one of the big, scary and irreplaceable executive of Bouten, he still has an unconscious inferiority complex. Sometimes it just skips his mind that despite everything, he too deserves the world. And every once in a while you need to remind him about it. That he doesn't have to be flashy and snarky like his brother. He just needs to be himself and that he is undeniably worthy of love.
Ran~ Not many people are taller than him, you are no exception. So it makes sense that in order to kiss him you need to be on your tippy toes. And still you're only able to reach his neck. So yeah, just kiss him there. Right on his Adam's apple and he's a goner. It doesn't even have to be sexual. Ran is always the one to take charge. It's kind of in his nature and you happily oblige him. But every now and then, you also need to remind him to take a breather That he can just let go and get dotted over for a change. You're more than happy to take care of him, that he needs to be taken care off.
Koko~ This man not only, brings in the big dough for Bouten, but also beats up people while at it. To say that he's always overworked is an understatement. His hands are always doing something, illegal things most of the time. He knows he's no saint. That there's no coming back into the light. He's painfully aware. But once e intertwine your hands together and kiss him on top of his knuckles, he swears that it's his redemption. You're the only light in his dark and dangerous world.
Kaku-chan~ Please. Just kiss this man on his forehead. Please. He's literally out there, ready to give his life for the things he wants to protect. He's always doing that. Protecting the people that have gone astray, who have no more hope left. He's ready to die for them, if it means they'll keep going. So please, just once, just protect him instead. Protect him from the demons he skillfully hided in his head. Protect him from the nightmares that torment him every night. Just protect him for a change. He needs it more than he's willing to admit.
Sanzu~ Okay. Hear me out. He's deranged and he knows it. He knows he's won't bat an eye before painfully torturing someone to death. Heck he'll even do it with a smile plastered on his face. He knows that he's stained in blood almost all the time.(sometimes his own, most of the other times, not his own). He'll even relish it. He knows that he's been tainted with burden of death. He knows that he lives in the shadows. He's not sane. He's not good. He's bad. He's ugly. You can tell that these awful thoughts keep him awake at night. So when they do and he has this almost painful look on his face. Just pull him close and kiss him on his face, over and over. Kiss his scars, kiss his lips, kiss his nose, his eyes. Just don't stop until he's got your point across. That yes, it's true that he's despicable. But you still love him nonetheless.
Ps: Sorry that was too long and kinds got out of hand. But these are just my "thots". Thank you for hearing me out!~ Thot anon
hi i’m doing okay, thanks for asking n i hope you are too !! also aaah i’m glad to know my blog is your new fave, i hope you enjoy more of my future tokrev content 🥺 ALSO YES ITS HEADCANON TIME LETS GO LETS GO
mikey n shoulder kisses 🥺 i hc that mikey is stiff and rigid all the time without knowing. like you said, he has a lot on his mind and draken even said mikey had a heavy ass cross to bear, so imagine the weight and burdens he has to shoulder 🥺 so if you lean into him for a hug then kiss his shoulders, mikey deflates. to him, its like a reminder he doesn’t have to carry it all by himself all the time and poor bb forgets that often
cheek kisses for rindou 🥺 the idea of this big, bad executive infamous for breaking limbs but is actually a sucker for cheek kisses and turns into a soft lil bean when you cup his face and just smother him with love n affection? bless. rindou probably unknowingly exerts too much effort sometimes to prove something - may it be his strength, his power, or how he’s perfectly capable of fighting by himself - he’ll have that voice at the back of his head that he needs to do something. giving him cheek kisses grounds him and elicits butterflies in his stomach bcos he realizes that, “oh, i don’t have to try so hard. silly me...now more cheek kisses, please.”
ran and neck kisses !! ON THE FLOOR RN, TELL ME MORE. but yes omg i also hc that ran is such a giver and grown up to look for others the way he does for rindou, so in his head, he’s kind of drilled it into himself that he has to be the one in the lead - not necessarily in a mikey way - but in a “he needs to take charge and take his responsibilities seriously” kind of thing. like mikey, ran is probably often deep in thought as well despite his teasing mannerisms, that when you kiss his neck he can’t help but soften. he enjoys being doted on. loves to be the one on the receiving side. has the sweetest smile on his face when he gets a lil ticklish and he just feels like he’s on cloud nine <33
knuckle kisses for koko 😫 everything you said was on point !! his hands are probably so tired from fighting and counting bills all day, not to mention the amount of paperwork he has to do bcos who else will do them ?? no one knows the inner system of koko and how it works as well as koko does, and he wants to do his job right. he gets a little too absorbed in his work, however, that koko gets a little confused when you take his hands away from whatever he’s working on to leave little kisses at the pads of his knuckles, maybe even massaging his hands or playing with his fingers to help him relax a bit. and you know how koko is so good at what he does bcos its all he knows, but at the same he probably hates how he treads on this dark path ?? so when you kiss his knuckles, he feels relieved. like everything will be okay and second chances are real n something he’s worthy of
omg now this is my favorite - kakucho + foreahead kisses. forehead kisses are always so intimate and soothing in a sense. like come here so you can kiss him on the forehead, watch the way his eyes flutter close and a smile tugs at his lips when your lips trail down to his scar, all the while your hands are cupping his face with such tenderness he never really knew of. kakucho is so used to being the tough guy with his rough childhood that it almost feels surreal. surreal that he’s in bed, with you, safe and sound and you’re kissing his forehead so comfortingly he doesn’t have to worry about putting his walls down for a second. he feels safe. he feels at home. but most of all, he knows he’s not alone and he has you - his family
kissing sanzu’s scars 🥺 everything you said was beautiful n i can totally see it happening !! as much as we all know sanzu takes great pleasure and finds entertainment in what he does, it sinks down a little too late. when he’s not high, that’s when he feels the lows. when the blood on his hands are dried, that’s when he realizes it gets harder to wash them off until it stains deep all the way into his soul. then his scars. he sees his scars and remembers how he has to hide them at some point. he stays awake at night and oddly enough, silent and unmoving. and what better way to ease his worries than to pull him close and just to kiss his scars that he thinks are only one of the ways the darkness - the ugliness - of his soul shows through. keep him close and kiss his scars. sanzu may not always be in the right mind to understand your words, but the simple gesture of showing love and acceptance to a part of him that makes him a whole will engrave deep into his heart. leave him butterfly kisses. kiss him from everywhere to his eyes until they flutter close to sleep. kiss his nose adoringly until they scrunch so cutely. kiss his lips until its your taste that overwhelms him. and kiss his scars to remind him his imperfections are accepted and loved
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