#and being as sleep-deprived as i am means it's REALLY fucking hard for me to focus on my writing

[syekick-powers]

idk what prompted this message but this was very sweet to receive in my inbox right as i was struggling with having difficulty focusing on my writing for nanowrimo

#sye's answers #sleepyowlwrites #im way the fuck ahead of everyone else in terms of my current word count #but my personal goal atm is to try and beat nano TODAY #(because at this exact moment im at a little over 43k words total) #and being as sleep-deprived as i am means it's REALLY fucking hard for me to focus on my writing #but god i just want to shit out the final 8k and have these bragging rights on my belt #beat nanowrimo in nine days. imagine the ego boost. imagine the bragging i could do. #but my brain is making this VERY FUCKING HARD RIGHT NOW #i need to take one of my adderall boosters i swear

[worldlxvlys]

complicated (part 1)

chris sturniolo x reader

matt sturniolo x reader

warnings: making out, mentions of sex, suggestive, angst, cursing

a/n: this one is longggg so i broke it up into 3 parts. i already wrote parts 2 and 3 so they’ll be up soonnn :)

matt, chris, and i were all chilling together in their living room.

nick had gone to his room to start editing a little while ago.

matt and i were seated next to each other on the couch, chris sitting on the loveseat.

my relationship with the two of them was complicated.

matt was my best friend, he knew me like the back of his hand. with one look at me he could tell what i was feeling.

we spent so much time together, we were often with each other longer than we were apart .

we were so close that we blurred the lines between friends and something more every now and then. but it never went further than lingering touches and almost kisses.

i’m not sure why, but late nights staying up talking have often led to our lips being mere centimeters apart lately.

i chalked it up to sleep deprivation and getting caught up in the heat of the moment.

chris, however, was different. i wasn’t as close to him as i was matt, but the few times where it was just us hanging out, i always had fun.

there was this unspoken tension between chris and i. we never said anything about it, but we were both well aware it was there.

he made flirty comments toward me whenever matt wasn’t in the room, finding joy in my flustered state that resulted from it.

i never let anything happen though, out of respect for matt being my best friend.

it seemed like chris made it his mission to get me to break, constantly testing my self-control.

the three of us had just finished watching a movie, watching as the credits began to roll.

immediately, matt stood up, patting my knee as he did so.

“alright, i’m gonna get food. you guys coming?” he asked.

chris stood up as soon as matt asked the question.

“no, i’m good” i answered, not feeling like getting up.

chris glanced at me for a second before answering, “actually, i’m not really hungry”

matt narrowed his eyes in confusion before shrugging and beginning to leave.

“alright, i’ll be back in a little” he said before leaving.

chris walked over to me, replacing matt’s spot as he sat down next to me.

“wanna listen to some music?” he asked as he grabbed the tv remote.

“sure” i answered, watching as his long fingers worked the remote.

“why didn’t you go?” i asked, watching him from the corner of my eye.

i watched as he clicked shuffle on a playlist, before the room was filled with the melody of a song.

wet the bed - chris brown

“chris, you’re not fucking serious right now” i deadpanned as the suggestive lyrics played out.

“i didn’t pick the song” he held his hands up in defense. “i just picked a chris brown playlist, i know you like his music” he said.

i just wanna take your legs and wrap 'em round

girl, you cummin' right now

my head to your chest feelin’ your heartbeat, girl

“how do you know that?” i asked, confused.

“you’re always listening to his music, so i assumed you liked it. i mean, unless you just listen to music you hate for fun”

“i didn’t realize you were paying attention” i said.

“of course i am. you make it hard to focus on anything else”

i don't want to be a minute man

baby, you're just like a storm rainin' on me

girl, your soakin' wet

i turned my body towards his as he caught my attention.

“what do you mean? do you find me distracting?” i asked, leaning forward slightly.

“you know i do” he said as his eyes traveled down to my lips.

i’ma kiss you right (yeah, yeah)

i'm gon' lick all night (yeah, yeah)

girl, when i'm inside (yeah, yeah)

“why’d you stay?” i whispered as i stopped myself from pushing my lips to his. “you know damn well you wanted to go”

“i did, but i wanted to stay with you more” he said.

“why?” i asked as he rested his forehead against mine. he placed his hand on my thigh, lightly gripping the side of it.

“because i want you” he breathed out, hooking my leg over his waist to straddle him.

yeah, girl, you heard what I said

i'm gonna make you wet the bed

i looked down at him, steadying myself by grabbing his shoulders.

“we really shouldn’t chris” i spoke as my lips brushed against hit.

“definitely not” he spoke against my lips, his eyes closed.

“it’s wrong” i whispered.

“but one kiss wouldn’t hurt, right?” he asked, his hands running up and down my waist.

“chris” i sighed.

“please, i need it so bad” his hands now traveled down to my ass.

“just one-” his lips were on mine the second i spoke the words.

i'ma put your legs behind your head

when I make you wet the bed

my hands found their way to his hair as his lips moved greedily against mine.

one of his hands found my jaw, holding it steady as he deepened the kiss, tilting his head.

after a while, we pulled away for air. “one more” he spoke before attaching his lips back to mine, barely giving me time to breathe.

one more turned into two more, two turned into three, and before i knew it i was lost in the way his lips pressed against mine.

his hands traveled to my ass, squeezing it, eliciting a moan from me.

when i let out a gasp in surprise, he slid his tongue past my lips.

“what the fuck ?” came a voice from behind us.

i pulled my lips away from chris, moving off of his lap.

“matt-” i began before he cut me off. “what? what excuse could you possibly give me right now?” he asked.

“look, i’m sorry that i hurt you, but i’m an adult. i don’t really need to give an excuse for anything i do” i spoke defensively.

“whatever” he scoffed as he shook his head, “ i brought you food for later, i knew you’d probably get hungry anyway. but i guess i’m the only one here who thinks about other people” he spoke in a low voice before walking away.

my face dropped at that, starting to feel bad about not considering his feelings at all.

“hey, if you wanna blame someone, blame me. i’m the one who kept pushing you, so please don’t blame yourself” chris spoke, practically seeing the gears turning in my head.

“yeah” i whispered in response, still feeling incredibly guilty.

“hold on, i’ll be back. i’m gonna go talk to him” he spoke, squeezing my hand before going off to matt’s room.

after sitting there in anticipation for a few minutes, i began to get nervous. not knowing what was going on was killing me.

my body moved quicker than my brain as i got up and made my way towards matt’s room. i pressed my ear to the door, listening to what they were saying.

“you know how i feel about her” matt’s muffled voice traveled through the door.

“you barely even hang out with her, you just want her because you know you shouldn’t” matt continued.

“you like the thrill of having to sneak around, and chasing after someone you can’t have. you never once showed any interest in her before i did, now suddenly you just have to have her?” matt asked.

“it’s not like that, matt. i don’t hang out with her often because whenever i do, you accuse me of stealing her away from you” chris started, but was cut off by matt.

“that’s not true, and you know it. you can’t just warp the truth to support the sorry excuses you come up with. just admit it, you don’t actually want her” matt said.

“that’s the thing, matt, i do want her. i just didn’t wanna make it obvious, since you obviously can’t handle that”

“what i can’t handle is the way you think you’re entitled to do whatever the hell you want. did you ever stop to think about what this would do to my friendship with her? or my relationship with you? do you ever think about anything other than yourself?” matt asked.

it didn’t seem like their conversation was going anywhere. the second they started to get somewhere, someone would throw an insult at the other.

deciding to intervene, i knocked on the door loudly. the arguing stopped immediately and the door opened a few seconds later.

i was met with an angry matt, but his face softened as soon as he saw me.

knowing i wanted to be let in, he moved to the side to let me pass. he closed the door behind me, watching as i went to sit on his bed.

“look, i’m sorry guys. i shouldn’t have kissed chris, it was a mistake. the last thing i ever want to do is break the bond that you guys have. let’s just forget this ever happened” i said to them.

“no” chris started, taking me by surprise. “i want you to pick”

“what?” i asked, my face dropping at this.

“chose who you want to be with. it doesn’t make sense for us to fight over you, it’s your decision. whoever you decide to stay friends with won’t take it personal, right matt?” chris asked.

“yeah, we’re not gonna force you into anything you don’t want. if the feelings aren’t there, then they aren’t there” matt agreed.

two minutes ago they were arguing uncontrollably and now they were able to come to an agreement in seconds? this was weird.

“so, who do you want?” chris asked.

who do i want? i had no clue.

i loved spending time with chris, but what if matt was right? what if i only enjoyed the thrill of having someone i can’t have ? was that worth jeopardizing my friendship with either of them over?

and matt? i had such a deep connection with him, i didn’t want to lose him. if i fucked up our friendship, i’d never forgive myself for it. the last thing i ever wanted to do was hurt him, yet that was exactly what i was doing in the moment.

“i don’t know, i don’t even think i can pick” i spoke honestly.

“then why not give us both a shot?” chris asked.

“wait, what ?” i asked, confused.

“well, you wanna see if this is more than just tension, right ? and you wanna know if you have feelings for matt?” he asked.

“i mean, yeah” i answered.

“well, there’s a way to answer both of those questions” he spoke as he pointed to the bed.

my eyes widened at the implication , “sex?”

“if it’ll help you decide who you want, then why not?” chris asked.

“that’s not really the first approach i would’ve taken, but he’s not wrong” matt hesitantly agreed.

“obviously sex isn’t the only factor that goes into a relationship, but you already know all of the other factors. you know how we treat you outside of the bed, so maybe the key to your decision is what happens in it” matt spoke.

“i mean, if you don’t want to that’s fine but-” chris started. “i’m in” i cut him off.

“so, who’s first?” i asked playfully.

“me” chris spoke eagerly, “i mean, we should finish what we started earlier, right?” he tried to cover up his excitement.

“alright, get out of my room” matt started, ushering us out. “and please don’t be loud, i don’t wanna hear that shit”

🌀🌀🌀🌀

next part

masterlist

tag list: @lustfulslxt @flowerxbunnie @sturnssx @mattslolita @its-jennarose @sophssturn @bernardsleftbootycheek @queen161718 @cupidsword @imwetforyourmom @nickmillersn1gf @mattsneezing @chrisstankyleg @sturniolobltch @ciarasturn1 @bethsturn @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @ssturniolo @blueeyedbesson @mxqdii @sturniolowhore @readerakayourname @defnotayonna @urmom2bitch @rootbeerworshiper @starsturniolo @hearts4chriss @theyluv-meee @carolinalikesthings @itzdarling @chrisstopherfilmed @judespoision @sstvrnioloo @littlebookworm803 @nicksdrpepper @chrisloyalgf @robins-scoop @fandomhopped @chr1sgirl4life @bbglmfao @55sturn @sturniolololover @meg-sturniolo @mattsnymphette @leah-loves-lilies @vanteguccir @ineedchriscock @junnniiieee07

#christopher sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo fanfic #christopher sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo x reader #chris x reader #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo fic #sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo fic #matthew sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo #matt #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo imagine #sturniolo fanfic

[ur-dad-satan]

I know it's 8 am right now, HOWEVER, I have headcanons I need to get out of my brain before they're all I can think about... That being said: I have Obey Me! Headcanons about how I think the characters would smell. This is based on sleep deprived delusion and nothing else <3

I feel like most of the characters would wear some type of Cologne or perfume that perfectly encapsulates their personality or vibe. Like I know that's the purpose of Cologne/perfume but hear me out.

Luci would smell like some fancy Cologne with hints of vanilla and maybe even coffee. Not coffee breath, but maybe like his soap smells like coffee or Shea butter.

Mam would smell like an expensive Cologne with some really masculine scent like Cedarwood and like sea breeze or something. OR he would smell like men's deodorant and the smell of the two together would be intoxicating. (I'm getting off topic)

Contrary to popular belief, Levi would smell really good if not clean. Like he would probably smell like some type of soap and maybe sometimes some Ruri themed perfume for special occasions. Aside from that, he would just smell like soap. Maybe sea salt and something else.

Sat would also probably smell like a fancy cologne but I feel like he would also have like undertones of something familiar that you can't put your finger on. It's not indescribable, but it's so hard to pinpoint.

Asmo would smell like some type of fruit perfume or a delicate flower. I feel like he would also almost always use body glitter filled perfume/lotion for special events or when he felt extra pretty.

Beel probably wouldn't wear any perfume/cologne regularly but he never stinks. Not even when he's drenched in sweat; he actually kinda smells sweet. It's a subtle sweetness that you can only smell if he's close enough

Belphie also wouldn't wear cologne/perfume on a regular basis, but he also wouldn't stink. He would probably smell like fresh linens. He wouldn't quite smell like laundry detergent, but fresh sheets and pillowcases. It's a relaxing and comforting smell.

Dia would definitely smell like some fancy cologne. It's probably a gift from Luci that he likes to wear around him the most. I don't know why, but I get cinnamon vibes from him. Like his soap would be cinnamon scented and it gives a slight spice to his not quite savory cologne.

Barbs would smell like tea. He would do this on purpose. So no one can smell the bloodlust he feels for Solomon. I'm thinking like some type of green tea, jasmine tea blend with a hint of vanilla or something else sweet. He takes great pride in how he smells and loves when people complement him on it.

Luke would smell like cupcakes and icing. It's not just cause he's a kid or anything, but he goes out if his way to use sweet smelling products. He likes the way they make him feel and keep his skin soft. Everyone loves it. Not a single person complains.

Sim would smell like something natur-y like flowers or some type of tree. Maybe a nice spring day if that makes sense. This smell would mix with the smell of his deodorant -probably a pretty masculine smelling one- and be heavenly (no pun intended). He would know that he smells good but not how good he smells.

Solo would smell like a nice human world cologne. I feel like he would wear a basic deodorant and let his cologne do all the heavy lifting. It would be something like burning wood or like some type of ocean mist. (Y'all don't know how hard it was to not just tear Solomon a new asshole just then and IDK why)

Being mean to solomon under the line <3

Solomon would wear shower in a can and smell like fucking axe body spray. He almost certainly had a hippy phase in the 60s where he did a LOT of drugs and then he had an emo phase in the 2000s and can most definitely sing the entirety of Welcome to The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance.

#obey me #obey me shitpost #obey me brothers #obey me brainrot #obey me undateables #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanons #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me luke #obey me asmo #obey me levi #obey me beel #obey me belphie

[cod-dump]

I am going to spam you for all eternity, I hope you know this. I do this because I wuv you and you're awesome and I need someone to take my excess brainrot

So, here enjoy some random incorrect quotes of the COD boys

*Based on quotes from a discord I'm in with friends*

Ghost, suffering blood loss: It's fine, I've got big enough ass cheeks now

Nik, in a bad mood ranting to Laswell about his day: Then there's that one fucking bitch boy that likes to fly around and fuck me in the ass!! Soap: Countdowns get me going. Soap, surrounded by shrapnel from a recent failed experiment: So many trials, all error. Ghost, doing his usual banter with Soap: What do condiments say when they're constipated? 'I mus-turd' Gaz, on some painkillers or something: Why can't I have the confidence of a squirrel stealing from a bird feeder? Price, sleep deprived: I just poured lemonade into my cereal. Ghost, also sleep deprived and hunched over in a field: Strip mice to the bone Gaz, who couldn't sleep and was innocently taking a walk: What the fuck? Soap, trying to impress Ghost with his cooking skills: Everyone thinks the human existence revolves around sex, but really it is potato. Ghost, staring with adoration and thinking to himself: *I'm gonna marry him so hard cause he's so stupid* Gaz, playing a game: Dude, I just deepthroated a bear! Soap: That sounds bear-y wrong Gaz, laughing: It is bear-y up my ass now! Ghost: Your problems sound un-bear-able Soap, dying: He's bear-ly holding on Price, crying into his tea: Please stop

*Based on an actual conversation I had with my mom*

Price: God, I'm so stressed out. Between Soap's head injury, Gaz's random bout of chronic stomach issues, and Nik... being Nik, I've got too much stress. Paperwork is honestly the least of my concerns right now. Ghost: Yeah, you know it's bad when your autistic kid is the least problematic. Price, trying not to laugh and cry: Simon, no- Ghost: What? Tell me I'm wrong! I'm just chilling, ya know? Price: What does that even mean???

I've got plenty more, say the word and they're yours ;)

(I have not slept and have too much energy I am so sorry XD)

Oh my god I fucking love these. Wouldn’t mind being spammed lol

#call of duty #cod mwii #modern warfare ii #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #john price #kyle gaz garrick #cod nikolai #incorrect quotes #ask #thanks for the ask <3

[travlersjoy444]

'My Brother's an Idiot' Blues

2012 Leo x reader

Part two to 'I've Been Tired'

Bad end: "No." and No pt.2

Good end: "Yes."

Chapter Summary: Discussions at midnight, an angry ADHD kid who somehow ends up the temporary family therapist while he wards off his violent urges, tough choices, platonic Raph & reader, and sleep deprived turtles.

...All in all, it was very fun to write.

***

  Raph punched a wall.

  Leonardo was an idiot.  

  Raph groaned, stomping on the ground. 

  “Why is the guy so obsessed with hanging out with The Shredder’s daughter who’s tried killing us  multiple times?! Leo’s gonna get himself hurt, and then what?! And it doesn’t help that none of them bother to listen to me ever, Spi-”

  He deflated, staring at the empty tank.

  “...Spike.” He mumbled, reminded of how his friend had become…Slash…and tried to kill his brothers….

  Raph swallowed, clenching his fists tighter.

  “You okay, Leo?’ Said Donnie from down the tunnels, in the living room. 

  Raph felt like screaming. They were comforting him, as if he hadn’t just gone off and risked his life for the millionth time! But when Raph did impulsive stuff, they just laughed or got mad! This wasn’t fair!

Raph punched his pillow, biting down the impulse to break something, and physically biting his mask tails.

  ‘Calming down’ was clearly not working, he decided as he spat out his even-more-torn-now-mask tails. …Time to go topside.

  Leaving the lair really did do wonders for clearing his head, he noted as he shoved the manhole cover up and emerged into the alleyway. The air was warmer and fresher, and- 

  “Ah!” He yelped, jumping back. 

   Someone had just thrown a rock at him?!

  There was a clattering sound from the fire escape, as if someone was jumping up from a seat.

  “Shit-” 

  Oh great, it was Leo’s crush. Of course you were the one throwing rocks at him.

  “(Y/N), seriously?!” Raph growled, glaring up at where you were perched on the fire escape.

  “Sorry Raphael.” You said, cringing as you looked down towards him. Admittedly you did genuinely look sorry, with tears in your eyes and regret written all over your face…and Raph doubted it all came from your overwhelming remorse for throwing a rock at him.

  Still, his arm hurt now, on top of everything else in his life, and Raph frankly didn’t care about whatever the hell your damage was.

  “Why the fuck were you throwing rocks at me?!” He barked, feeling slightly silly as he craned his neck up to meet your eyes.

  “Why the fuck were you in my rock’s way?” You said back, but your voice was flat and tired. The apologetic expression on your face had faded too, shifting into a bored and mildly disappointed look that Splinter wore all the time.

  “Well sue me for wanting a break from my-” fucking- no, that felt too mean- “ -stupid brothers. I can’t even leave the lair without someone messing with me, apparently!” He snapped, and he picked up the rock and chucked it as hard as he could at the wall.

  “Well sue me for wanting a pleasant and harmless way of relieving stress and anger.” You said, tossing another rock off the fire escape. Raph flinched as it sailed towards him, but instead of striking him, it hit the manhole cover a few feet away. He picked it up, taking in your words.

  Raph tossed the rock back and forth between his hands. “Stressed and angry?” He echoed, looking up at you again. 

  Honestly, the idea of you being angry, of all people, felt pretty foreign. Sarcastic, sure, sassy, definitely, and even irritable…but mad? 

  You frowned boredly, leaning your face on your fist casually as you stared down at him. “Well, dear Raphael, why else would I be out here throwing rocks off my fire escape? Target practice?”

  Raph spluttered, trying to think of a comeback. “Well- I don’t know, maybe?! How the hell am I supposed to know what humans do?!”

  “...C’mon. You’ve known me since the first time you guys emerged from the depths of the sewers, you’ve picked up some things…especially if your fun new vocabulary of non-Sensei-approved-language suggests anything.” You said bluntly, and he scoffed and rolled his eyes.

  “We’ve been over this already (L/N), I knew the word ‘fuck’ before I met you.” He said, crossing his arms as you looked at him condescendingly. 

  “Did ya Mr. ‘sewer apples’?” You teased, doing air quotes.

  “...You know I’ve watched TV, right?” He said flatly.

  “Ooh, Raphie’s seen PG13 films?! Gasp!” You exclaimed dramatically. He growled and chucked the rock at the fire escape.

  You jumped back as the rock hit the wall a few feet away from your head, and your eyes widened as you realized you were actually riling him up.

  “...Sorry, Raph.” You said finally, slumping over. “I’m mad and I’m messing with you because it distracts me from being mad.”

  Raph froze. He hadn’t meant to scare you…. He coughed. “I…I shouldn’t have thrown that, huh?”

  You shrugged. “Well, I guess we’re even now.”

  Raph sighed, letting himself relax a bit. “Well…it worked both ways. I…was distracted too.”

  “Still, you were obviously in a bad mood as it was, and I pushed ya anyways.” You said.

  “Well…I guess we’re even now.” Raph offered, echoing your line.

  You smiled. “Yeah?”

  “...Yeah.”

  “...Hey, Raph?” You said, leaning over the railing of the fire escape. “You’re mad at your brothers, I’m mad at your brother…you wanna come up here for a being-mad-at-your-brothers-popsicle? …I meant to share them with Leo, but…y’know.”

  Sugar and taking something that was supposed to be Leo’s? Fuck yeah, Raph was all for it.

  “...’Kay, gimme a sec’.” Raph smiled, climbing onto a dumpster to hop onto the fire escape.

***

  “And then- get this- he says he’ll  ‘make it up to me’ again!” You exclaimed, biting into your third popsicle.

  Raph gave an affronted ‘Ha!’ sound through his popsicle, which- judging by the amount of wrappers surrounding him- was his sixth one.

  “Right?! Like c’mon Nardo! Just say you don’t like me already!” You groaned.

  Raph snorted, taking his popsicle out of his mouth. “Yeah right , you’re all he ever talks about aside from Karai. …And Captain Ryan, come to think of it.” He said, pausing to consider it. 

  (Was Leo bisexual? …Did Leo even know what it meant to be bi? Was Raph’s brother gay for a fictional character? …He’d revisit the thought later.)

  You shrugged. “I’m his proverbial best friend aside from you guys. Of course he talks about me.”

  Raph shook his head, trying not to give away too much of his brother’s obvious crush on you. “Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night, princess.” Was what he finally settled on.

  You raised an eyebrow. “You mean…you think he… likes me?”

  Raph stuck his popsicle back into his mouth and shrugged unhelpfully.

  You faltered at his lack of response, and licked your own popsicle uncertainly.

  Raph sighed, leaning back onto your pillows. “Look, (Y/N). My brother is…difficult. More so to me than to you since I live with him, but still. I don’t know what he wants or why he does the things he does, but I do know that he’s a good guy, at his core. He’d never hurt you on purpose, he’s just…” 

  Raph tried to think of a polite way to say ‘a dumbass with a hero complex’.  

  “...Kind of a dumbass with a hero complex.” He finally said, a bit miffed at his failure to come up with a nicer description.

  You chuckled though, and Raph felt admittedly proud of the fact that he’d made you laugh- wait no, he was being serious, why was he proud? He didn’t care what you thought!

  “He is .” He insisted, but smiled despite himself. “So whatever the heck is going on with ‘Shredder: Hot teen girl edition’ is probably just…y’know. That. If it makes you feel any better, he probably doesn’t have the hots for her…especially now that she’s tried to kill us.”

  (If Raph were in the mood for introspection, he could have probably related to Leo after the incident with Slash. Something about how affection for someone didn’t just vanish because of how horrible that person was, but it definitely lessened or something... But Raph didn’t like introspection, so he didn’t.)

  Then a thought occurred to him, and he sat up and stared at you. “(Y/N), do you have the hots for Leo?!”

  You blushed, and stubbornly stared at the quilt of your bed. “...Maybe. Maybe I do, Raph. He’s my best friend, why do you sound so surprised?”

  Raph shook his head, a throb of irritation running through him for some reason. “I dunno, maybe because you’re a nice-looking human while we’re…you know, mutant turtles who scare people even when we’re saving them? Like, no offense, but what about that is attractive to you?”

  You somehow blushed harder. “Gee I don’t know Raphael, do you really want me to tell you about what I find attractive in your brother?” 

  He wrinkled his snout and chewed on his popsicle stick. “...Well when you put it that way, hell no.”

  “ Thank you.” You said with a smile of …relief and a hint of smugness. 

  “...So what’re you gonna do?” Asked Raph, begrudgingly curious.

  You shrugged dejectedly. “I don’t know. This is hard, man. I…I like Leo a lot, but maybe I’m sick of being second best to his hero-pet-project. …Does that make me a bad person?”

  “No,” Raph scoffed. If that made you a bad person, then he was a worse person- He was sick of their team coming second to Leo’s dumb forced redeeming of Princess Foot Clan, and it had taken far less than three weeks for him to snap.

  Besides, you were way too cool to be a bad person. You’d given him popsicles and let him rant.

  “I hope it doesn’t. I…I really don’t know what I’m gonna do, I was a total bitch to Leo though still, regardless of how much I deserved to be…” You sighed.

  “Well…you have fun with that.” Raph grinned, patting you on the head patronizingly.

  “Jerk.” You grinned back. 

  “Anyways- I’m gettin’ sick of this mushy stuff.” Raph said, straightening. “Do you have any VHS tapes to watch or somethin’?” 

  “Gettin’ comfortable, huh?” You challenged.

  “No…! Shut up!” He squeaked. You didn’t have anything to do tonight, and Raph didn’t wanna go back to the lair! It made sense!

  Now it was your turn to do the condescending head pat. “There there Raphie, I’m enjoying your company too.”

  “I don’t enjoy your company that much, you’re just supplying me with- with popsicles! Do ya now how hard it is to steal frozen food? Fucking hard!” He snapped, tearing open another popsicle.

  You smiled good-naturedly and pulled up your laptop.

  “Alright Raphie, alright. I see where we stand now, I’m just a popsicle dealer to you.” You sighed dramatically as you popped a Mulan DVD into the media player.

  He rolled his eyes but peered over your shoulder at the screen. “A princess movie? What are ya, nine?”

  “Shhh. You’ll love it.” You said, patting his shell. “It’s about a girl who fights people.”

  He sighed. “Fine. If it’s a musical though-”

  “Leo’s reported you singing the Hamilton soundtrack in the lair, so you can’t even talk.” You grinned.

  “Leo !” He hissed, clenching his fist.

***

  Raph opened his eyes to a black laptop screen…right, he’d gotten tired while watching that Mulan movie with you. 

  His Tphone was blowing up with notifications from his brothers, which he ignored in favor of checking the time…2 AM. Fantastic.

  He sat up from where he sat buried in your pillows and stuffed animals, and awkwardly tried to open the window without waking you up. You were seated with your back against the wall, slumped against the curtain, which made things a bit trickier, but Raph was literally a ninja, and he managed to get it open enough to slip out through.

  He glanced around your room one final time, trying not to feel like he wasn’t supposed to be there. It was an eerie feeling, being there without you conscious. Like some secret he wasn’t supposed to see.

  But he also felt guilty just leaving like that, without saying bye or anything…Leo would call that bad manners. And Raph didn’t usually care about manners, but…you’d given him popsicles. And let him vent about his brothers. And you’d even shown him an admittedly fantastic movie…

  He sighed and climbed back off the bed and onto the floor, grabbing a pen from your desk.

  ‘Thanks’ he wrote on a piece of crumpled notebook paper, and set it on your desk. After a moment of hesitation, he also closed your laptop and set it on the bedside table. 

  “Okay. That’s enough of bein’ a good person for me today.” He mumbled, and finally climbed out the window onto the fire escape.

  He thought about what you’d said about Leo as he slid down the ladder into the alleyway. 

  Raph really didn’t think Leo liked Karai, especially considering how often he’d talked about you since…day one, pretty much. It’d be as annoying as Donnie’s thing for April if it weren’t for the fact that you and Leo actually did things together- Raph had honestly been a little jealous. Not of Leo or anything like that, but of the fact that Leo and you just seemed to… get each other in a way that Raph had only dreamed of. You just… understood each other. Did Leo even know how lucky he was to have that sort of connection?!

  … But then again, apparently that sentiment wasn’t as true as Raph had assumed, considering…well, everything you’d told him.

  He shook his head and climbed down the sewer ladder, hopping over the turnstiles as he reached the lair.

  Leo was in the living room glaring towards him, as he always was when Raph was out late. Leo liked to guilt trip him about how he’d been ‘forced to stay up and keep watch for you’ as if Raph didn’t know Leo had insomnia and would be awake at 2am regardless, and Raph liked to storm around and kick things as if Leo didn’t know Raph felt guilty. It was a fun game they played.

  “Where the heck were you?” Leo said, without the usual irritation in his voice.

  …Actually, upon further inspection…without the usual anything, really. Instead of a dramatic Captain Ryan-esque heroic pose, Leo sat slumped against the couch. He wasn’t even on the couch, he was just leaning on it, which looked incredibly uncomfortable considering how cold the floor was. 

  Not only that, but there were unfamiliar stains on his mask and arm wrappings….uh, wet marks? Tear trails, Raph realized with a pang, stepping closer.

  “...You okay, brother?” He found himself asking. He wasn’t fully done being mad at Leo yet, but honestly, Raph didn’t think he could be mad at Leo right now…the guy looked so…so sad. It was kinda freaking him out.

  Leo shifted, hugging a couch pillow to his plastron.

  “I’m fine Raph.”

  Raph frowned. “No, you’re clearly not. Ya look like someone told you that Space Heroes got cancelled.”

  “It’s been completed since 1974, they can’t cancel it.” Leo said with a half smile, clearly proud of his somewhat-weak comeback.

  Raph rolled his eyes and sat on the floor across from Leo, grabbing the pillow out of his hands so Leo was forced to look up. “Look I’m not good at this whole ‘reading other people’s emotions’ shit, but I know you well enough to know that if you were fine you wouldn’t be here with this…wet pillow…ew, is that snot?” He said, wrinkling his snout in disgust.

  Leo snorted. “Gimme back my pillow, Raphael. That’s an order.”

  “Yeah no shit! I don’t want your snotty pillow, Fearless!” Raph gagged, tossing the pillow at Leo’s face.

  Leo smirked and held it to his chest again.

  “Ugh…you’re proud of that, aren’t you?!” Raph said, furiously wiping his hands on the floor.

  “To be fair, it was rather funny.” Leo pointed out.

  “I hate you.” Raph grunted, crossing his arms. “But you’re distracting me: Are ya really this hung up over the (Y/N) thing? Like… crying hung up?”

  Leo’s smile faded, and he looked away. “No…yes… Yeah.”

  He sighed, hugging the pillow tighter. “Raph… Am I a bad friend?”

  “Well, you screwed up, brother. But- and if you tell anyone that I told you this I’m pounding your skull in- But (Y/N) obviously likes you…a lot . So you’re doing something right, right?” Raph said with a shrug. 

  Leo moaned, shoving his face into the snotty pillow. “Did you talk to (Y/N) or something?!”

  “...I am far too tired to decide whether or not that’s a trick question, so I’mma just say yes now. Yes, I was with (Y/N), and yes we ate popsicles and said the word ‘fuck’ multiple times.” Raph said bluntly.

  Leo glanced up from the pillow. “Is (Y/N) okay?” He asked instantly. “I was such a…such a moron- Hey wait you ate my popsicles? -uh- Nope, not getting sidetracked, we’ll unpack that later- how is (Y/N) doing Raph?!”

  “Fearless, if you get one single inch closer to my face, I’m burning your room down.” Raph grunted, shoving his brother back a few inches before answering. “(Y/N) is mad at you. And sad. I don’t know, it’s none of my business. You should probably talk it out or something that couples- uh I mean ‘best friends’- do. I don’t know, I’m aromantic.”

  “I’m not dating (Y/N).” Leo said, rolling his eyes.

  “Oh right, you just talk about how ‘awesome it is to have someone like that’ and how much you want to ‘stare into those (E/C) orbs and get lost in them’ or ‘get in a romantic fistfight’ platonically.” Raph smirked. 

  “I do not say that. But that's irrelevant-”

  “Yeah, you do, actually.” Said a third voice. Raph looked up to see Donnie draped over the previously-empty-couch dramatically and did a double take.

  “Fucking- Jeez! Breathe louder or something Don!” He sputtered.

  “How long have you been there?!” Leo said, wearing a matching look of shock.

  “Since Raph came out as aromantic. Congrats on that, by the way! You hear that Leo? Now the aspec-siblings are half of the team. Now we’ve just gotta bribe Mikey into joining our side and we’ll outnumber you three to one!” Donnie said with a gap-toothed grin, shooting him a thumbs up.

  Raph nodded, still reeling. “God, Dee…”

  “I have always thought I deserve godhood, yes.” Donnie nodded, clearly sleep deprived. “But then again, I’d miss you guys. Maybe. Maybe just on Tuesdays! Ha! Ha….ha… Good god, I need sleep, don’t I?” They laughed hysterically. 

  Leo narrowed his eyes. “Donnie…how many coffees did you have?”

  “Hahaha…six. …Gasp , maybe I already am God!” 

  Raph rolled his eyes. “Yeah okay I’m gonna ignore them. Back to (Y/N). You’ve gotta apologize.”

  Leo seemed to shrink further into himself as he pressed his shell to the couch again.

  “Well…what if I’m too late? What if I’ve screwed up so much that (Y/N) won’t even want to be acquainted with me? What if…”

  “You’re gonna kill yourself with ‘dem ‘what if’s, Leo.” Donnie said, leaning over the couch arm to stare directly into Leo’s eyes. (Which looked hilarious, and Raph wished he had a camera)

  “Yeah, great advice from the guy who made a literal flow chart about his crush, Donatello. ” Leo sassed.

  “Yeah! I became master of the ‘what if’s! (Ooh… God of the ‘what if’s.)" He coughed. "Anyways: As God, that method works great for me. But you’re what Mikey would call… squishy, Leonardo! Those what ifs will simply tear your mortal soul apart!” Donnie said, miming an explosion in Leo’s face.

  Leo blinked at them, unimpressed. “Mikey coined the term ‘squishy’ to describe you. ”

  “Ooh, I’m a god of Squishy too?!” Donnie gasped. Raph shoved them off the couch.

  Donnie proceeded to simply lay on the floor, and after a few seconds it became apparent that he’d fallen asleep.

  “...I need to get rid of our coffee supply, huh?” Leo said, sighing.

  “I’m pretty sure he actually orders it from online Starbucks, so no dice.” Raph grunted, conveniently not mentioning that Donnie also let Raph order frappuccinos during those Starbucks-runs.

  “Well, nix on that idea.” 

  “I’m gonna make you apologize to (Y/N) tomorrow, you know.” Raph said, looking up.

  Leo nodded, squeezing his pillow one more time. “Okay.”

  “...D’ya think we should just leave them on the floor?” Raph prodded Donnie’s limp body.

  “Well, he’ll probably get back pain…eh, yeah, let’s leave him here.” Leo said with a shrug. 

  “He’s gonna hate themself tomorrow.” Raph smirked, already looking forward to it.

    ***

  Raph was gone in the morning when you woke up, and your laptop had been closed and set on the side table. You were on top of your blankets and leaning against the wall, as you had been while watching the movie…you must’ve fallen asleep.

  There was a crumpled paper on your laptop with a messy ‘Thanks’ scrawled onto it, and you smiled lightly.

  You’d never really spent much time with Raph compared to his brothers, but you were pleasantly surprised by how nice it had been to hang out with him. 

  And- oh yeah. Leo. 

  Your smile faded as you remembered the problem with Leo.

  What were you gonna do? …Apologize? No, you shouldn’t have to apologize, you hadn’t done anything wrong, really…

  You could go talk to him, maybe. 

  What did you even want from Leo, anyways? Sure you liked him, but your feelings were hurt. Did you even want to hang out with him right now?

  Maybe you needed a break. April had taken a break, so what was stopping you?

   Guilt, maybe… You mused as you plugged your laptop in and scrolled through your notifications mindlessly.

  And you didn’t want to take a break from Mikey, Donnie, and Raph. Sure Leo was your self appointed best friend, but the others were great too. And you’d finally hung out with Raph, and you didn’t want to throw all that progress down the drain…

  Was it petty though for you to want to not hang out with Leo? 

  He clearly didn’t want to hang out with you- no, but Raph said that Leo did want to hang out with you.

  Raph had also said something about how he and his brothers ‘weren’t exactly attractive by human standards’…was Leo insecure or something? Why would he be insecure? He was a badass ninja who saved people, he had like, nothing to be insecure about.

  You exhaled in frustration, wishing someone would just- make the decision for you-

  There was a thud, and you jumped and stared out the window.

  A rock.

  You sighed and shoved the window open to see which turtle it was, hoping for Leo but also dreading Leo-

  “Sup (Y/N).” Said Raph, waving up from the alley below..

  “Hey Raph!” You said, feeling both relieved and disappointed. Until you noticed the figure behind him in the shadows. Leo.

Nice.

  “Um…hi?” Said Leo weakly, and he gave a small wave.

  Raph shoved him forwards, glaring up at you in a way that would have read as hostile if it weren’t for the glint of amusement in his eyes.

  “Go get ‘em, Fearless.” He grinned.

  Leo shot Raph a glare, but looked back at you.

  “Hey (Y/N)...can we talk?” He said slowly.

  You sighed, and climbed out the window and onto the fire escape.

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “Cool cool.” He said, staring at his hands.

  Raph gave you a thumbs up before vanishing into the shadows, and then you and Leo were alone.

  “So. Rocks at my window? You know that’s what texting is for, right?” You said with a light smile you didn’t fully mean.

  Leo blushed. “Sorry. That was Raph. I think he just wanted to throw rocks, but I told him it was a bad idea-”

  “It’s okay.” You said, a bit awkwardly.

  “Oh. Well, sorry, still.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck.

  “So what did you want to talk about, Nardo?” You said, cutting to the chase.

  Leo swallowed. “Uhm…talking, right. I just…You’re right. I’m a terrible friend. I was avoiding you…And it’s not because I don’t like you, it’s just because…well, I don’t know. Because…”

  “You’re a ‘dumbass with a hero complex’?” You offered, quoting Raph.

  Leo narrowed his eyes. “What? No, I’m- Maybe? …Yes.” He finally said with a sigh.

  “So…yeah, what’s your point then?” You said.

  “My point is…I’m gonna try to do better. Be a better friend, if you’ll have me. And if not…I get it. I’ll be like, totally crushed, don’t get me wrong, but it makes sense.” He said, bowing his head. “But um…either way, I just want you to know that I…I like you a lot, (Y/N), and I should have done a better job of showing it.”

  You swallowed, trying not to look into his blue eyes.

  Well…time to make a choice.

No/Yes

***

Author's note: So this baby is a multiple-parter now. There's gonna be two separate endings, one that'll be angsty and one that'll be happy depending on your choice.

Side note, sorry about the excess of Raph in this chapter. I promise next chapter is very Leo-centric, but I guess...well, Raph is my favorite, apparently.

Taglist for this mini-series:

@saspas-corner

@beansap

@xyntix

#tmnt x reader #tmnt 2012 x reader #reader insert #gender neutral reader #gn!reader #tmnt leo x reader #tmnt 2012 leo x reader #leonardo x reader #tmnt 2012 leo #2k12 leo x reader #2k12 leo #i've been tired fic

[oozedninjas]

Purple led lights part II

I don't usually do second parts. I hope I made justice to the first piece!

Tag list of part 2 requesters:

@lizardgutzz

@technicallylegendaryflamethower

@muamazon4

@ijustcommittedacrime

Summary: Sweet, sweet Donnie... what do you get when you spy on your crush masturbating and jerk off to her without consent? You get what you fucking deserve. 

Warnings: 18+NSFW mdi voyeurism / mean!reader / black mail and threats / dirty talking / jerking off / video typing / psychological violence / denigration kink / Dacryphilia / coaxing / convincing / manipulating / dark content / punishment

If you click to read, you have agreed you have read the warnings and still wanna read this content.

He couldn’t take her face out of his head. The way her eyes popped out, how her jaw dropped and her expression twisted from surprise to horror. The worst part? After the encounter, he didn't have any proper closure. She didn’t speak to him, only mumbled a small “get out” while embracing her body in a vague attempt to hide her nakedness from his eyes. 

He fucked up. He fucked up big time. 

Donatello rubbed his face furiously, lifting his glasses in the process. He glanced at the clock, it was four in the morning. He and his brothers arrived from patrol about a couple of hours ago and now he was laying on his bed, sleep-deprived, thinking. All he did was think, and think... God, what he’d give to shake the feeling of being a creep out of his body.

****

A ding from your cell phone woke you up. It was too late for it to be from your usual friends or family. You squeezed your eyes a couple of times, trying to adjust them to the screen light before opening the text.

>nerdypoptardlicker: Are you awake? 

Delivered, 4:20 am.

>nerdypoptardlicker: I’m sorry about what happened yesterday.

Delivered, 4:20 am.

>nerdypoptardlicker: didn’t text you earlier ‘cause I panicked. Didn't know what to say.

Delivered, 4:21 am.

>nerdypoptardlicker: I can’t begin to explain how embarrassed I am. It was wrong. I don’t know what was going through my head when I did it. I’m profusely sorry.

Delivered, 4:21 am.

Donnie must feel like shit, you thought while moving a little in the comfort of your bed. He could see that you were online, but you didn’t really feel like answering. He messed up, it was only fair to let him hang a little in his guilt before saying you forgave him. 

>nerdypoptardlicker: Please answer me.

Delivered, 4:25 am.

You let out a deep sigh and decided to lock your phone before going back to sleep. 

****

It had been a week. A week of anxiety and overthinking. A week of not knowing anything from her but somehow he couldn’t stop insisting. How many texts had he sent now? Ten? Twenty, maybe? Donatello wasn’t sure, but he knew that at least you were reading them. You weren’t completely ignoring him which was a good sign, right? 

“I don’t think it’s a good sign. I think she’s done with ya," Raph’s crude words hit him hard. Donatello wasn’t someone who voiced his concerns with anyone but master Splinter or maybe Leo, but for a thing like this, he thought that the first two would be disgusted with what he did. But not Raph, he was sure his brother had done worse and kinkier things. 

“Then why won’t she say so?” The one in purple pressed and Raphael pursed his lips.

“Maybe she doesn’t wanna. You do know that ghosting is a thing, right?” Donnie rolled his eyes with a hint of annoyance.

“That’s not quite logical. if she was ghosting me she wouldn’t pop online as soon as my texts are delivered, and she wouldn’t read them,” he stated and soon he began to feel sick, both at the thought of the ghosting possibility and the smell of sweat which was filling the training room with every movement his brother did. 

On the other hand, Raph started another push up set with a rather dismissive attitude.  

“Who says she is reading them? Maybe she’s just leaving you on seen.” Raphael sounded slightly more annoyed by the second. For how long had he been hearing his brother rambling on the matter? It felt like for years. 

Donatello’s heart dropped into his stomach before that possibility. 

“Listen Don, I hate to sound like Leo here, but maybe she just needs time to get over what you did. It's either that or she really is ghosting you. You’ll know with time, but I think you should stop texting her for now. Send one last message and call it done.” 

“And what should I send as a final message?” Donnie inquired, still not believing that he was asking Rapahel for romantic advice, but the truth was that Raph managed to maintain a fairly long relationship with a nice person himself. 

Raphael shrugged, “Don’t know, you're the clever one.” 

****

>nerdypoptardlicker: I get it now. You’re in all your right to hate me. I deserve it and it’s okay if you don’t want to speak with me anymore. I’m really sorry, for everything. 

Delivered, 2:17 pm

>nerdypoptardlicker: good bye, (y/n).

Delivered, 2:17 pm

When you read that you couldn’t believe your eyes. Was that it? One week of avoiding him and that idiot was giving up on you? Un-fucking-believable. You had planned to make him pay by leaving him hanging, since you knew about his anxiety and tendency to overthink things. That was the torture he deserved. And now he decided that it was enough? 

Blood was rushing furiously to your ears as your breathing became heavier. Maybe sweet Donnie needed a different kind of punishment; so for the first time in a whole week you texted him back: 

>What? giving up so soon? Funny, thought you wanted me to forgive you. 

delivered, 2:21 pm

You felt a pang of self-satisfaction brushing your ego when you saw him typing back after just one second. 

>nerdypoptardlicker: Id o! I d!

delivered, 2:21 pm

>nerdypoptardlicker: I do! I do* 

delivered, 2:21 pm

>nerdypoptardlicker: Please tell me, what should I do?!! 

delivered, 2:22 pm

You smirked to yourself. Now that was interesting. You knew he had a crush on you. Hell, you had (and still have) a crush on him too, but it never occurred to you just how much Donnie was into you until he came to this point. 

>Come to my apartment on Friday night and don’t tell anyone you're coming. 

delivered, 2:23 pm

You had still two days to prepare your mind for what was going to happen.

*****

Donatello felt a wave of relief wash over him, but soon faded to let nervousness kick in. What were you thinking? what would he have to do? would you ask him to do something… no, that couldn’t be. Then why couldn’t he tell anyone he was going to see you? God, the possibilities were infinite. Well, if he stayed up all night he could maybe pair up all the options to make an outline of the possible ways things could turn out to be. 

He got to work and before he knew, Don spent the two remaining days making stories in his head, trying to anticipate the moment with you, what you’d say and how he should answer, move, behave. The one thing Donatello didn’t want was to upset you further. 

Now he stood in front of your window, fidgeting. He could feel his sweaty hands shaking a little when he knocked lightly before entering. Don called out for you and just after he spoke the lights got off, leaving him with a weird feeling creeping in the back of his neck. The sight to the inside of your place was a little more than spooky. The dark seemed to loom over him, threatening to engulf his hesitant form. Donnie called your name once again, this time his voice sounded shaky as he began to be aware of the cold sensation building in his chest. 

“Over here,” your voice came from the end of the hall, the place where your bedroom was. “Come in,” you added upon not hearing him moving. 

He gulped, innerly reassuring himself that he knew you. You wouldn’t ask him to do something illegal or harmful to make him pay. You were fair… but honestly, in the poor state of mind he was right now, Donatello could undoubtedly do anything you told him to, if that meant things could get back to normal. 

Dark extended before him as he tried not to hit anything in his way to your room, then, suddenly there was light. Purple light. The same as the last time. Why all the dramatism? Donatello didn’t know, but it worked and it made his heart rate crazy. 

You were there, dressed in black and sitting in your bed with one leg crossed over the other, looking up at him in a lurking way. 

“Hi,” he muttered, breaking the tense silence. 

“Oh hello,” you said in a mocking tone, “ready to pay for your stupidity?” 

Your rudeness took him aback, but as expected he accepted it with the most disconsolate expression. Donatello nodded, fidgeting a little before your gaze. 

“Sit” you ordered, motioning the chair beside him. It was placed a few meters from a camera mounted on a tripod. A small red light on the top indicated it was already recording. His expression fell a bit more with the upcoming realization of what you wanted: humiliation. 

Donnie sat down placing one of his hands on each knee, trying to control his anxiety.  

“Good boy. Now, please say clearly to the camera what you did.”

“Y/n, I-I I’m sorry I didn’t…”

“Quit apologizing. That’s not what I told you to do.” Donnie winced before looking at you through his lashes, if he had any. He resembled a scared, nervous puppy.

Donatello took a deep breath and he started over:

“I entered your apartment by the window, and… I didn’t know you weren’t home...”, he stopped, unsure of how to continue. You gave him a small push.

“But soon you realized. What did you do then?” 

He could feel embarrassment creeping up his bones. Uneasiness pulsating through his skin in the most uncomfortable way.

“I wandered and wound up in your room… It smelled like you–”

“Go straight to the point, ” you demanded harshly, jolting him, “what did you do, Donnie?”

Donatello wanted the floor to open and swallow him whole. He felt a knot on his throat and his insides twisted and tangled in the worst ways, but if this was the only thing he could do to make it up to you... he'll do it.

"I saw you t-touching yourself without your consent," he said, feeling like he was about to pass out, "and it turned me on."

"What else?" you pressed.

"Y/n please–"

"What else?!" you yelled, desperate before his hesitation.

"I touched myself while you did and came all over your closet's door." Donnie’s voice was a mere whisper. 

You let out a breath you'd been holding after which the sensation of a huge weight seemed to fall off your shoulders. There it was: acknowledgement. Acceptance of the viciousness committed (even if it was unintentional). Donatello was there, recognizing that he did that to you, agreeing that it was wrong and trying to make it right. 

A silence – in which you almost thought he was crying – was made. None of you moved. Donatello's gaze was still stuck on the floor when he whispered, "I'm sorry."

"I know. That's why you're here," your voice was slightly softer now, "so we can make it right."

You unzipped the dark dress you were wearing to let it slip down to your toes. The sound made him look at you at last and his expression broke in surprise and bewilderment.

"W-what you doing?!" Donnie squealed while turning his head aside. His hand flew up to cover his eyes.

"You granted yourself sexual gratification at my expenses. Now it's my turn to do the same."

"What?"

"You thought the only thing you had to do was confess? honey, we're far from being over," you told him while sitting on the bed.

"Touch yourself," you commanded. 

"Is this a joke?" he scoffed, his mood changing from panicked to sore.

"No, so do it.”

“I- I can’t do that y/n… this is going too far I don’t think–”

“Don’t you want to be over with this?" you coaxed, “so that everything between us can go back to normal?”

Nothing will be normal again after this, Donnie noted for himself as he obligates to look at you, slowly. His pupils blew away with the view. You were spread open in more or less the same position of the last time he saw you. Your hands fidgeted behind your back with the button of your bra and Donnie’s breath hitched when the fabric loosened over your chest. 

You gazed into his eyes with the darkest of looks while slowly peeling the cloth from your body, before tossing it to the side. Your breathing was even, making your chest up and down in the prettiest form. Don was stunned. 

“Answer me,” you pressed, “wouldn’t it be better to put an end to all this awful situation once and for all? Just do what I tell you… besides, you’re already turned on by all this, aren’t you?”

“I’m not!” he hushed-shout, fisting his hands over his legs as he looked away from your –almost– naked form.

“Lier,” you smirked. 

He stayed still for a whole round minute before you spoke again, “If you’re not doing it, then just leave. But don’t expect to hear from me ever again.”

A piece of fabric suddenly hit his plastron and he caught it on reflex. Purple panties. Donatello looked at you in a quick motion. You were propped up on your elbows, legs wide open. His eyes suffused with surprise. He should look away. He should go. But his eyes were glued to the image of your fingers teasing your labia, gathering slick. Your cunt was wet and perfect-looking.

His breath hitched. His heart was pounding inside his plastron so fast he thought it might just rip it open, it felt hot and his stomach was bubbling. Something electric ran through him from his dick to his spine and back. 

“Jerk off with me Donnie,” you pressed, your voice had softened and it came out like an irresistible velvety moan. “Do it or leave.”

You moved backwards so as to lean your back on the wall behind you. In your position, you were good and safe, while he was the only one exposed in front of the camera, facing you at the same time. 

Donatello gulped, glancing at the recording device while reminding himself this was a punishment, and as humiliating as it was, he couldn’t just walk away from it if it meant to lose you. A second was enough for him to decide that you were worth it. What he felt for you was worth it. And if he forgot about pride and pudor for just one instant, Donnie could silently acknowledge that he wanted it too. To see you willingly moaning with him, fully aware of his presence. Turned on because of him, even. 

One of his hands palmed his crotch over the fabric of his pants, releasing some of the tension as he sighed in relief, his eyes never leaving your form.  You smiled at him.

“Good decision,” you praised, “now take it out and make sure to look at the camera.” 

He nodded, his hands trembled slightly when he unzipped his pants. This felt raw and good in many different ways, but at the very bottom of those spicy feelings there was a strange sense of guilt. He shouldn’t be enjoying this, should he? Shouldn't he be mad at you for taking it this far?

He took out his cock before giving it small, slow bumps. This was being recorded. Donnie shuddered. 

“Your Dick looks so hot.” 

He straight out squeezed it after those words, tossing aside whatever wonders roaming his mind in favor of focusing on your voice, on the sight of you all spread open before him. Your fingers coming in and out of you at your own pace, and he got lost for a second in the way they sank into your body. You liked deep, and he burned that information in his mind.

The movements of your hand quickened. Now the sounds of your slick could be heard. Along with the small whimpers falling from your mouth, it sounded like a song he never wanted to stop listening to. 

Small stroaks felt like torture now and so Donatello gripped his cock tighter and started to go faster. His mouth gaped, his gaze dark through half-lidded eyes. 

You watched him closely as he moved one hand fast on his shaft, occasionally teasing the prominent head. The other ditched his pants to the side and went to palm his balls, giving them a few squeezes from time to time. A groan left his lips as he head fell back.  

From where you were laying, Donatello looked divine. This was the first time you saw a mutant dick, and frankly, it was everything but disappointing. Big and thick beyond human standards and seemingly smooth. It poured a dense liquid from the tip that Don was using to lube down his shaft. You couldn’t help but think how good it’d feel stretching you out, as you wondered in how many ways could you come just by feeling it hit deep inside. With those thoughts you curled the fingers inside your cunt to bump at the right spot. 

Heavy breathing and moaning sounds filled the room quickly. 

“See? this isn't so bad is it?” you teased. A smirk danced on your face as he locked his gaze in yours.  

Donnie didn’t speak. He feared that whatever force pulling him to do this would leave him if he dared to respond, but you pressed. 

“Tell me– Tell me you feel good,” your voice sounds drunk and silky. Donnie Shrudders. 

“Feels good,” he chokes out, his fist getting tighter and his pace faster. Eye contact never faded, and it was all too exciting. 

“I’m close” he panted. 

“Me too,” you sighed, your fingers reaching your clit rubbing circles over it for the first time in all these torturous while. 

“You look so hot…” Donnie’s voice reaches your ears in the middle of the heated moment. It sounds like velvet, sensual and sincere. You moaned with the praise as more sexy incoherencies fell from his mouth. 

“–I like you” he moaned louder with each breath, dragging the words in a way that sounded so sweet you couldn’t help but smile. “I like you, I like you, I like you- I– I’m coming!” 

A broken cry left his mouth as he gave himself some final strokes. Don made a mess of himself. His plastron was now wet with fresh cum as his body still enjoyed the last delicious spasms. You followed him shortly after, pleasing yourself with the view and savoring every moment of the electrifying heat spreading through your body multiple contractions in a row.

For a few seconds the only sound in the room were your breaths evening as they gradually went back to normal. 

After collecting yourself, you stood from your bed, moving towards the camera. Turned it off, and pulled out the small memory which contained the precious video of Donnie admitting something awful and then fucking his fist for redemption. 

He observed you silently, burning your silhouette in his mind. 

“Am I forgiven now?” he dared to inquire. 

There is an undeniable principle about punishments: they are never meant to be enjoyed by the chastised. 

“Almost,” you told him, weaving the camera memory in your hand “I just have to show this to your father.” 

[saphushia]

do you have any more head cannons for Phantom Etho? I just am enamored with your ethos stuff-

hmmm i can probably think of a few-

he's not that good at flying. his wings disappear whenever he gets too far from someone sleep deprived, so to practice someone has to keep up with him on elytra. he's had enough practice to be a passable flyer, but even so it tires him out and he really only does it on occasion when he's bothering someone for not sleeping and swooping at them for fun. the rest of the time he uses elytra and rockets like normal

i originally drew his wings with inspiration from albatross- long slender wings that are best for soaring great lengths with very little energy use, but after some thought i think i'm gonna start drawing them more in the shape of an osprey's- the way it swoops for fish is far more reminiscent to phantoms to me than the albatross is.

i'm still tossing the idea back and forth, but i'm thinking etho hasn't always been a phantom hybrid. the phantom hasn't always existed, after all, and etho has existed in the universe quite a long time. quite longer than phantoms have. it's normal when worlds change, when a world is updated, that things in the world act in ways they never would have had the update either been there from the start, or never happened at all (who hasn't had a world break a little by loading it into a new version? more so if that world has seen many changes before it). it makes sense then, that when the universe changes, being given new rules, new qualities, new code, that players may sometimes change similar to how worlds do. that something in them becomes something it didn't used to be.

in reference to the previous, phantoms were added in 1.13, which released in 2018, one day before the start of hc s6. however, etho wasn't there for s6, and thus likely discovered his change while on his singleplayer world. or, well, he would have, except. there's no one other than him there, and he changes in reaction to other people. now, it's possible that he can constantly see himself in his phantom form. it makes sense, even! it's simply that he appears normal to well-rested onlookers. however, the MUCH funnier option, is that that's not true and he looks normal, so he just didn't fucking notice. as best i can tell from some cursory searching, the first time he's with other people after the 1.13 update is playing diversity 3 with the rest of team canada (which is 1.14, nearly a YEAR after phantoms are added). meaning he probably realized then, likely scaring all 3 of them to death because, while it's not unheard of for players to change during updates when new mobs appear, it is surprising to call up your buddy to go on a new adventure and then realize partway through that he's been a whole ass creature for a YEAR and he didn't notice. beef and pause laugh at him for a while over that

(for future reference, i'd appreciate if you didn't use colored text to send me asks. i understand it's likely a signature thing, but it's hard to read on dark theme with the screen filters i use, and while it's not the end of the world because i can read it, i'd prefer to not have to highlight or copy it somewhere else just to read a message in my inbox)

#talking #answers #anonymous #phantom!etho #hermitcrap #ethoslab

[iisasarcasticlittleshite]

Strongest Menace (DrunkGojo x GN!Reader)

All of the comments on my Nanami post were expressing deep concern for Gojo, it's pretty much a unanimous agreement that the man's a lightweight, so I figured I'd put everyone's minds at ease.

Be aware, I wrote this up pretty quick so it's not really detailed, I've been bored all day :P Got everything done on my morning energy surge haha.

'Something better be on fire if you're calling me at two in the morning, Nanami.' You grunted sleepily into the phone, hardly able to construct syllables due to being woken up after only falling asleep two hours ago. 'You're where with...excuse me? You took Gojo, drinking? Gojo took you drinking. Fuck.'

You were throwing off blankets and sliding on shoes while Nanami blearily told you where he'd last seen the strongest sorcerer, your boyfriend, who just so happens to be an absolute lightweight.

A chipmunk could outdrink Satoru, normally he knows not to push it, especially around Nanami, who has a fairly high tolerance and tends to go walkabout when he gets drunk.

Sometimes though, he forgets. Which puts you in a very awkward position, using your curse to track down your snowy menace of a partner.

Tonight, you were lucky, he had all his clothes on and lay passed out on a bar top, being drooled over by some girls.

You rolled your eyes, strutting up to the bartender and holding out your credit card. 'Hey, this idiot's my boyfriend, mind if I clear his tab?'

'Got any proof?'

You pulled out your phone, showing a picture of you and Satoru on the day of your graduation, he's got you sat on his shoulder, holding up a peace sign with a stupid grin on his face.

The bartender nodded, muttering under his breath as he takes your card and pays off whatever bill Satoru had racked up.

Now came the hard part. Pushing past the people drooling over your boyfriend, you poked his cheek gently. 'Hey, idiot! Rise and shine.'

'Mmm, angel? 'm I dead?'

'You will be if you keep me up much longer.' You mutter grumpily, grabbing his arm and slinging it over your shoulders. 'It's (Y/N), so don't you dare start wailing about me kidnapping you again, snowflake.'

'Oooh, hey there doll. You're lookin' hot as fire tonight!' He's not slurring nearly as much as he does when he's half asleep, if you didn't know him any better you'd think he was more sober than he is. Experience tells you that Gojo can sound as sober as the day he was born, while being pissed out of his mind.

'Come dance with me?'

'You can't even walk straight, dipshit.' Normally, you wouldn't have dreamed of fighting him, but in this state? He's putty in your hands and lets you half carry him to your car. 'Don't you dare puke on my seats, Satoru.'

'Oooh, you said my name all sexy like.' He sings flirtatiously. 'Car sex?'

'Whiskey dick?' You snorted in mild amusement, slamming the driver's side door shut and rolling the windows down. 'You good?'

'Mmm, am now with you here, gorgeous. Have I ever told you how perfect you look even when you're sleep deprived?'

'Good, because I'm always sleep deprived.'

'Weeell you're always pretty sooo...' He puckers his lips expectantly at you, only earning rolled eyes and your palm to his face. 'Ow! Baby, don't you wanna kiss your man?'

'When he stinks of bar floor? Not really. Besides, I'm driving. Now behave.'

Satoru doesn't know the meaning of the word, it takes practise to ignore the way his hands wander, the way he whines in your ear. You won't lay a hand on him (in that sense) when he's this fucked up. He'll pay for it tomorrow, and the night after that.

He flirts and whines and moans all the way to your apartment and into your bed, where he promptly passes out, wrapped around you like a damn koala.

His face is buried against your neck, placing kisses in his sleep, muttering sweet nothings, and despite the alcohol on his breath and the knowledge that he'll whine your ear off tomorrow about the hangover, you can't help but relish in the knowledge that you're the only one who gets to see him like this.

World's strongest he may be, he's also a lightweight, a terrible flirt, an absolute menace to society when inebriated, and above all that, he's yours.

#jjk fluff #gojo satoru x reader #drunk!gojo #teeth rotting fluff #nanami kento

[swemory]

Messy CoD: Ghost's headcannons ::

on the topic of CoD charachters as animals, Merrick strikes me as a bear. dunno ENTIRELY why. i saw this other post montttthhhssss back(more like a year ago) of someone headcannoning that Merrick kind of instinctively starts watching out for the Walker brother's/doting on them more after Elias' death and i REALLY resonate with that.

he takes care of his cubs :) definitely gets protective of the two brothers after his best friends death. (also headcannon that Elias and Merrick were closer buds than we got to see. those two definitely drink beer together.) Merrick seems like the kind of guy to have never seen himself as a father figure, its just an instinctive move after Elias dies since the two boys are still pretty young adults. (dunno if the person said all this in their posts, i have zero way of finding them again 😭😭)

(i was getting stuffed animals from build a bear nd making them themed as CoD charachters and i have a bear one as Merrick because of this[lmk if you want a bear!Merrick reveal because i also have doodles of him with bear ears])

Merrick, Merrick, Merrick..

honestly dont really know what to say about this man. i feel like he's extremely un-tech savvy unless its military technology. definitely does that dad squint with his eyes while reading something/trying to figure out how tf a phone works.

OHHH and on the topic of being horridly bad with tech and internet shi, if Logan and Hesh were to ever show Merrick tiktok for any reason, Merrick would probably find himself an addict of the app and incidentally pick up a shit ton of Gen Z humor but have zero idea what ANY of it means.

catch him throwing around old 2019 jokes or being one of those awkward father's who try to relate to the younger demographic by using outdated slang. thats IF he has the confidence to use any of the humor. if anything, i feel like he'd be awfully self conscious about doing so due to his lack of knowledge on it all.

no idea where im going with these headcannons. it is 12am and i am doing my workout routine as i wrote this while sleep deprived. dw im going strong.

but on the topic of HEADCANNONS,,,

Keegan, i feel like, leaned alot on Elias (probably without realizing it). i just see a kinship between Keegan, Elias and Merrick. Keegan seems to be by Merrick's side ALOT and i feel like HE feels he belongs there. not reliant just.. connected. soul brothers, really.

and if it wasnt Logan and Hesh who were fucked up over Elias' death, it was Keegan and Merrick. Merrick lost a bestfriend, Keegan lost a friend maybe even a father/uncle figure.

mostly Merrick gives me uncle vibes, though. Elias is a father figure, someone to lean on / someone to really show you how to do something and help you through hard times with insanely good advice. and Merrick's just the awkward, un-tech savvy uncle. i refuse to elaborate any further.

my personal headcannon for Logan is that hes semi-mute. i dont, personally, headcannon him as someone with full mutism but i do feel like he doesnt speak 90% of the time and shocks everyone whenever he does speak.

Keegan going about his day, saying a brief good morning to Logan and the Walker boy saying a quiet ''morning'' back to the man. has Keegan freeze on the spot, taking a full minute before looking up at Logan. takes a glance at Hesh and the brother merely shrugs, used to Logan's rare speaking.

out of everyone, Logan mostly speaks to Hesh. whenever Logan does speak, i feel like its aimed, USUALLY, at Hesh and nobody else in the room. keeps ot brief but sometimes has an actual back and forth while Merrick and Keegan are just reeling.

Merrick, wanting to help understand Logan better and show he cares more after Elias' death, put time aside to learn sign language for Logan's 'no talk days'. definitely mixes up a few signs and still has alot to learn but it surprises Logan and the man feels heard. definitely better than Logan having to rely on Hesh fully to communicate what Logan's trying to say / Logan having to fumble and point out different things and use unconventional means to try and get something across.

no hcs for Hesh rn..i THINK. actually i think i do have some but i cant remember and am tired. i spent likr an hour writing this yw im so eepy

gonna make a post strictly for Elias hc's because i have ALOT. (can you tell i have daddy issues)

A/N:: if anyone else has done these hcs tell me, im losing my mind over if ive actually seen anyone else have the same thoughts as me or not.

#call of duty #cod #swemheadcannons #cod headcanons #cod ghosts #call of duty ghosts #keegan hcs #keegan p russ #logan walker #hesh walker #david walker #headcannons #cod hcs #cod headcannons #imsotireddddd #merrick #merrick hcs #thomas a merrick #thomas merrick #captain merrick #cod ghost #callofduty

[firefly-sky]

rant under the cut (about wendy and kyle and their fanon portrayals)

why don’t people portray wendy as smart

wendy is EVERY BIT just as smart as Kyle is and yet kyle is always the one in fanfic who gets into fucking yale or some ivy league school while wendy is jacking it off in san diego or some shit, like i’m not saying wendy is a female kyle. i’m just saying that wendy is every bit as smart as kyle is and should be portrayed as such in fanfics

and i don’t understand wendy haters who just call her a bitch like how is she a bitch? is she a bitch for having strong opinions? again, i guess kyle would be a bitch then too? like wendy is CANONICALLY CLASS PRESIDENT and in every fucking fic she is portrayed as some bratty spoiled snob who just mentally berates stan or is being a fucking piece of shit to everyone around her like she is not a bitch. she is smart and she has strong opinions! like i literally don’t get wendy haters who say ‘oh wendy is a bitch, wendy is opinionated’ and then like praise kyle and put him on a pedestal.

and just to clarify i am not a kyle hater, kyle is my favorite character (one of them anyway). but wendy and kyle literally are both smart and are both people who have strong opinions, just one is a boy and one is a girl. so why when a girl has an opinion is she a bitch? why when a girl is canonically smart she has to be portrayed as dumb in fanfic? like sure maybe she wasn’t the best for stan, but to be fair he wasn’t the best for her! like the justification of her ‘being a bitch to stan!’ or ‘being too opinionated’ is so fucking funny to me.

And another thing, why is kyle always portrayed as the stressed out workaholic ‘school is life’ kid? like…okay, i’m guilty of this. (not the school is life part but the kinda workaholic part) i do have my own headcanons that he is really busy in high school, but with sports and clubs. He doesn’t just do school. like…this is the way I portray him. (school wise)

he does basketball, maybe swims. He might work on weekends because his parents want him to have a good footing in the workplace to prepare him for college. He does tutoring and tries to help people out and he does take school somewhat seriously. he’s just kinda book smart. he doesn’t study all the time. he may forget a meal every once in a while because he gets busy and loses track of time but he’s not actively starving himself or depriving himself of sleep. he really only studies for big tests and tries hard on projects but he doesn’t dedicate his life to school. (I don’t know if that really justifies my headcanoning and i’m sorry if it comes off as offensive or promotes bad jewish stereotypes if it does i’ll fix it, i swear)

but like…wouldn’t wendy be the same way? wendy is very dedicated to school and stuff, she works her tail off as well and gets the short end of the stick on almost every fanon scenario. She’s portrayed as a bitch, and in fanfics with OCs she is the stereotypical mean girl bully who ‘stops Y/N from getting with whoever the fuck she’s pining after’ and it’s so fucking annoying. She would not be a mean girl, if anything she would be one of the most welcoming people in school. And in high school fics when her and Bebe are portrayed as people who bully freshmen and stuff like maybe Bebe would a little bit but Wendy would not. if anything Wendy would stand up for them.

bottom line is don’t strip wendy of her intelligence. don’t strip wendy of her strong willed personality and dress her up as some mean girl bully. she isn’t any of that. and if kyle can be a smart, morally inept person then so can wendy. there’s no reason she can’t be.

#wendy testaburger #skipper speaks #fanon sucks #kyle broflovski #south park #rant #south park kyle #south park wendy #wendy south park #kyle south park #sp kyle #sp wendy #kyle broflovski south park #wendy testaburger south park #south park kyle broflovski #south park wendy testaburger #literally if you’re anti wendy come at me for this like idc

[brilla-brilla-estrellita]

WIP Wednesday

Thanks for the tags @cutestkilla and @ileadacharmedlife! I've got some ramblings for you today, and, yes, a bit of a WIP.

As some of you have already heard, I've been trying some new meds which left me incredibly sleep deprived over the last two weeks (not to worry-- I've stopped taking those for the time being). On top of that, I sprained my ankle just in time to go on a very active, high-energy trip. In a surprising turn of events, my sleep deprivation did wonders for my creativity, and I made a lot of progress on a new WIP. I didn't finish any existing ones, of course. That would be ridiculous.

I'm both very excited and incredibly nervous about this fic. It features an OC that is Deaf, and I am not a member of the Deaf community. I have been taking ASL classes on and off for 3 years, and while that has certainly served as an inspiration for this character, it by no means makes me an authority on anything Deaf.

While I believe we shouldn't all limit ourselves to writing only characters we "know" (which leads to many an all-white cisgender heteronormative ableist etc etc story), I also don't want to fuck it up. So I will be doing a lot of research and examining internalized biases and stereotypical tropes as I plan and write to make sure I'm treating this character and story fairly. I will definitely be looking for sensitivity readers throughout the process as well, so if anyone is interested in helping me out with that please hit me up (tumblr and discord DMs open).

I could use some encouragement, support, advice, or, if you feel that I am making a terrible mistake, a reality check.

Ok, now to the WIP. There's a little more to this than just being a Stormchaser fic... I don't think it's hard to guess, so you might pick it up just from this. I had a really hard time picking which snippet to use.

Penny POV

His smile falters. “I hoped you’d be excited for me. It’s an opportunity to help students learn and connect. I thought you were all about education.” “Oh, don’t give me that,” I sigh. “Of course I’m all for education, and yes, that does sound like a perfect opportunity for you. But… you’ll be leaving us here for an entire year. We’ve never been without you for that long.” “Well…” he gives a nervous laugh, a sure sign that his next words are going to make me want to strangle him. “I may have volunteered Delilah for their foreign exchange pilot program.” Yep, that’s it. “Crowley, Shepard! I told you you can’t go around sacrificing our child for experiments! Just because I've gotten you out of impossible situations doesn’t mean I’ll always be able to!” “I didn’t sacrifice her, jeez! It’s just an exchange program, and I’ll be there! Give me a little credit. Even Watford has an exchange program.” His eyebrows scrunch together. “And I thought we weren’t supposed to say ‘Crowley’ because it’s–” “Problematic, yes,” I cut him off. “But you are being problematic, Shepard. We can’t send our daughter to school in America. To a creature school. Anyone could be there!”

Thanks for reading my very long post! Tagging @artsyunderstudy @facewithoutheart @martsonmars @agni-ashes @onepintobean @thewholelemon @shrekgogurt @raenestee @skeedelvee @technetiumai @iamamythologicalcreature

#wip wednesday #fic writing #simon snow fic #stormchaser fic

[voxofthevoid]

*comes stumbling in, trips, falls, and lands on face*

I...I did it! I binged the JJK manga! Wait what time is it? What day? *squinting at clock* Huh? Really? How am I still alive????

This is werewolf anon. I'm only slightly sleep deprived and feral. Slightly. (It's a lie. I'm a liar. Nanami, please come pull my hair and punish me.)

I...I honestly don't even know what to say. SO MUCH HAPPENED. I was not ready for where the anime is at with the Shibuya arc to the culling game and Gojo and Megumi and Yuuji and Sukuna and GOJO. GOJO. GIMME BACK MY GOJO YOU FUCKERS-

*incoherent screeching followed by the thud of an exhausted body hitting the ground*

I think the last time I felt such a build up and WTF WHAT DO YOU MEAN was when Steve got on that fucking time travel platform and abandoned Bucky- *gunshot*

No way that Gojo is gone for good??? HOW??? Surely the author is just fucking with us? If Dragon Ball can revive Goku and Vegeta a bunch, why not Gojo- *more gunshots*

Well FUCK. You did warn me it was going to be hellish so I got no one to blame for my self-flagellation of the JJK manga. But goddamn, I was not expecting that!!! 😫😫😫😫😫😫 What do I do now??? Why must the mangaka torment us this way???

And damn I'm sorry to hear people were shitty and tried to block evade you through submissions. WTF. Why can't people operate with some fucking decency? But I appreciate you saying you were cool with me leaving a link. I'm sure I'm not the first person who probably thought of this joke but hey hopefully you get a giggle out of it. I sure needed it after my JJK manga binge spiral lol!

https://i.postimg.cc/SsdyLYGJ/Go-To-Horny-Jail-Yuuji.png

Hopefully next time you see me in your ask box, I won't be the husk of a human being. 😵

*gives you blankets and water* I Get It, Friend.

I was not even remotely kidding about the hell part. I caught up with the manga around the time Yuki+Choso versus Kenjaku was happening, and then I kept up with the weekly releases religiously. Chapter 236 (The Great Bisection) had me in a funk for two whole weeks. I still can't think too much or hard about it without getting real pissed off, and the only saving grace is that it's better than being sad.

I like character deaths, is the thing! I love them—when they're done well. Go/jo was a travesty. The comparison to Steve is apt, honestly, because the favoring of an idealized past at the expense of the present and the human connections (existing and potential) there is one of my main issues with both Steve's time travel and Gojou's airport purgatory behavior.

The main difference on my end is that Steve was my favorite character, so Endgame made me drop the whole franchise. In JJK, Yuuji's my favorite, so I'm still invested to an insane degree.

But yes, even when Gege is at their best, they torment us (and Yuuji, mostly) for shits and giggles. Most of the time, I even enjoy it! Stick around for more pain 🤗

The picture did make me laugh! Here, for the people:

I'm putting him in horny jail. With Gojou. And Nanami. And a few others. Might defeat the purpose, but ah well. He deserves all the hole.

In the time it's taken me to answer this (been a fever-ridden husk myself the last week), I hope you're humaned up!

#werewolf anon #anon #i love my anons #jjk spoilers

[queenretcon]

I have slept on it, so here is a mostly unorganized list of every thought currently in my head on the blue beetle movie. lots of spoilers. this is really long.

SHE WASNT BEAS DAUGHTER. I WAS STRESSED.

That was straight up Ted’s origin story. Why did a Jaime movie include Pago island or carapax at all. You could’ve made a movie about one of Jaime’s stories and you literally just adapted Wein Beetle?

(Despite my frustration at it being included in a Jaime led movie, it was a good adaption of that source material. but again, why make it the source material?????)

I don’t know why DC doesn’t believe the best legacy character of all time can stand on his own two feet and why they don’t understand the magic of the three beetles all bringing something radically different to the legacy but it was my biggest frustration.

Despite that, I thought it was a really good movie, and in the end most of the things that frustrated me won’t matter to the kids getting to see themselves reflected for the first time. And people in my theatre definitely enjoyed it. Jenny & Jaime’s kiss got like. A lot of claps. I am not with them in that space but it was nice the movie got applause.

He was a perfect Jaime. I knew he would be, but goddamn. In general, it was a really well-directed and acted movie with great visual design with a script that was very weak at points.

(people clowned on the ‘family makes me strong’ cliche stuff in the trailers and it was very cliche and on the nose in how the script incorporated it.)

I am probably going to see it again soon now that I’m not sleep deprived and sick with anxiety over the whole thing fdjdjjsksk

okay into specific shit I keep thinking about: Bro was that Jarvis’s skull or Dan’s they crushed. that shit is haunting me.

Victoria sucks. Jenny is generic and doesn’t make sense to me but not offensive. I liked Rudy by the end.

I think most of Jenny’s screen time would have been better spent on setting Khaji Da up as a character rather than a resource. That “KHAJI DA” moment was fucking electric when it happened in the comics for the first time and the movie totally mishandled it. Khaji should be a huge presence in a Jaime movie I feel.

On that note, the “Khaji, I need you” was probably one of my fave moments. More of that would’ve made me happy.

The first scene with the transformation was pure fucking joy. They captured perfectly the terror and horror of Hamner’s art in those first few issues when Jaime doesn’t have control yet and the suit looked SO good. I didn’t think it looked bad by any means in previews but even after seeing all those previews I literally gasped seeing it because it looked so much better on the big screen. Seeing the picture perfect recreation of the lights at the fingertips was like a transcendent experience I’m different now

In general the fight scenes were great. I still hate Khaji’s voice and how much the movie version seems modeled after iron man shit but seeing the reach alphabet on screen was like. A level of joy I didn’t expect it to be fjdksksks and the moments of khaji just pulling out toy after toy to an increasingly into it jaime was really fun

I was nervous about grown up milagro because I just personally have a very firm concept of grown up milagro she’s important to my future jli ideas but um. mouthy goth in stompy boots with fishnets who punches hard and calls women hot is actually literally exactly who she is to me so. big fan of that adaption.

They did Bianca DIRTY. I liked that she influenced Khaji to start speaking Spanish (I love that khaji started speaking Spanish) but she felt like a totally different, worse character than comics Bianca who fucking rules. leaving out entirely that she was a doctor frustrated me and could’ve made the Alberto heart attack scene much better. A lot of more interesting character was lost to “streamlining” that wouldn’t have been necessary if they focused Jaime’s movie on Jaime’s supporting cast instead of ted kord fanfic

Killing Alberto was a fucking mistake and focusing a JAIME REYES story on anger and revenge was frustrating. So much of what makes him special was ignored I felt and they tried to make him a more generic superhero type when Jaime was a new kind of hero who influenced a lot of legacies that came after him.

Which leads me to Dan! The decision to make Dan’s connection to Khaji the same as Jaime’s sucked. Jaime is special BECAUSE he can utilize the scarab in a way neither of his predecessors could. They undercut THE PROTAGONIST to make some old white guys look better. It made me very frustrated.

No dentist reference :( pre-law instead :(

Nana being a former revolutionary was delightful, but her using a ted-designed Gatling gun to mow people down completely ruined any attempts to have Jenny stopping kord industries from making weapons matter. That SHOULD have been a good plot point, but the movie couldn’t stand by it.

Here is the section where, despite complaining the movie focused on Ted too much, I focus on Ted too much:

Listen he’s bad at having a secret identity but not “scarab tile mosaic over the secret entrance to his lab” bad

I understand the narrative & social reasons to have Jenny’s mom be what inspired Ted to be a better person than his family but as a Ted fan it did irk me to imply his compassion for the little guy was something he had to learn rather than something he always had that set him at odds with his family. Like I understand why and I don’t have an issue with it being included in this version of the story but I am required to point out it isn’t true of the comics character

I wanted to hate the extended focus on teds lab but omg that’s my friends teds houseeeeee. I loved the suit and the video game console and the fact it was my friends teds houseeeee in a movieeeeee

I lost my goddamn mind at ‘like Batman but with ADHD’ like yes! you correctly boiled him down to his essence!

when Jaime went to put on some of Ted’s clothes I was like ‘lol they’re not putting him in anything Ted would wear’ and then he walked out in a matching silk tracksuit in beetle colors so like yeah movie you got me there he would own that

BUG AS MECHA. I was BESIDE MYSELF.

Like I can NOT stop thinking about that scene. With the bug crawling over the wall while some Ted-as-hell 80s music blared with three of my favorite little comic people inside. I am also different now after this scene. I will probably see this movie in theaters several more times just for this scene.

“Kickstart my heart” being the song tho Ted you are so annoying and I love you

me for most of the movie: SHUT UP ABOUT TED SHUT UPPPPP

me at the after credits scene: if I don’t hear everything about ted right now I will die

I find ‘trapped in a computer’ stories really compelling and unsettling. The chances of me writing movie verse fic with fucked up weird tech horror is high. I love tech horror.

Mike Norton is related to a family friend and from the area and I happened to go to the movie with my family bc I was visiting for my moms birthday and so we did all lose our minds at somebody we’ve met being thanked in a movie credits fjdjdjsksk

#talk tag #this probably actually isn’t every thought but this ended up so long god

[cookieandbread]

I rewatched X-men Apocalypse like today and here are my thoughts (keep in mind I barely remember the other movies and have not read a single X-men comics in my entire life. also I am incredibely sleep deprived and english is not my first language)

I don't remember much from first class but I remember I LOVED ALEX. AND THEY KILLED HIM. THEY KILLED MY BABY. (I barely remembered his name but I'm emotionally attached okay)

I also remember Erik and Charles being gay as fuck and it's so funny how hard the writers of this movie try to say "no no they're not gay" but fail miserably

Erik losing his family (AGAIN) killed me tho. he's not even my favorite character but PLEASE give him a happy ending. PLEASE. I could write an essay on why he needs a happy ending.

about Erik's family... I love and hate the "Peter is secretely Erik's son and he has to tell him" storyline. love because I have daddy issues and I love Peter and hate because there's one thing and one thing only I remember from Dark Phoenix and it's that PETER DOES NOT TELL ERIK HE IS HIS SON. IN FACT, PETER ONLY APPEARS IN LIKE THE 20 FIRST MINUTES OF THE MOVIE AND THEN FUCK OFF. I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT I'LL NEVER SEE THAT DAD REVEAL ON SCREEN AND I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER BE ABLE TO HEAL FROM IT. I'll never recover. "I'm your... I'm here for my family too." will haunt me til the day I die. (Now don't get me wrong I 100% understand why he didn't tell him at that moment and it would have been fine by me IF HE HAD TOLD HIM IN DARK PHOENIX)

why does Pietro Maximoff gets so little respect? in the MCU they kill him in the first movie he appears in and the Fox changes his name and shits on the only storyline he has. why do they hate him?????

still on Erik: did he really need to be the villain again? if I remember correctly he kind of turned bad guy at the end of First Class because he killed the guy who murdered his mom because he couldn't make the coin move and then he was full on bad guy in that one X-men where they went in the past (Days of Future Past according to google) and it made sense because of his past and how he was forced to see violence as the only answer but like... AGAIN? with Apocalypse???? (according to google his name is En Sabah Nur) I get the guy had kind of manipulated his four accomplices into joining him but like... did it have to be Erik??? I get the whole repeating the cycle of violence, but isn't the point to break out of it? it feels kind of repetitive

still on En Sabah Nur/Apocalypse, I would have loved to see more how he manipulated Storm, Magneto, Angel and Psylocke to join him. while Erik had a reason to join back the X-men (he's super gay for Charles), Storm changing sides felt kind out of nowhere???? like we see her hesitate a little but we don't understand why she hesitates now when Apocalypse is fighting for the world he promised and not when he killed people (albeit to protect her but like...) I mean I guess there's the whole hero worship for Ravent but then why did she went with Apocalypse in the first place? Raven is a hero because she showed how mutants could cohabitate with humans, not by destroying them!!!! if Storm admires her, why going against everything she represents???? AND WHY DID THEY ALL WENT "yeah okay still rooting for that guy" WHEN APOCALYPSE WAS EXPLAINING TO CHARLES HOW BIG HIS CONTROL ISSUES WERE

whatever is going on with Hank and Raven... I just... don't like that ship. it made me uncomfortable when I watched First Class, it still makes me uncomfortable.

I remember liking her more in First Class and Days of Future Past tho??? she kind of annoyed me in Apocalypse. like wdym you wanna make child (I think they're children? not Peter but the rest) soldiers???? did the first X-men not teach you anything???? YOU AND HANK ARE LITERALY THE ONLY SURVIVORS OF THAT?

they never give us Storm's name??? or maybe I wasn't paying attention but I'm pretty sure THEY NEVER GIVE US HER ACTUAL NAME??? I guess I could find it if I searched on internet (update: I did, she's called Ororo Munroe, that's so cool) but I'm pretty sure they never say it in the movie???? like they just call her Storm???? DO THEY EVEN CALL HER STORM BECAUSE NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT I DON'T REMEMBER PEOPLE CALLING HER THAT EITHER???? (I have a short attention span tho)

from the little I remember of the 2000's trilogy, my favorite chatacter is Storm and I was so sad she had like so little dialogue. I hope it's better in Dark Phoenix??? I mean I'm not gonna rewatch it because I remember really not liking it the first time but PLEASE I BEG YOU let my girl TALK and have a PERSONALITY

Kurt is adorable. I just want to wrap him in bubble wrap and make sure nothing happens to him ever again.

I like Jean but I really don't care for her whole Phoenix thing. it probably has to do with how many times I've watched X-men 3 when I was younger (too many times) and how much I did not like Dark Phoenix but it bores me. like okay we get it she has that dangerous thing inside of her and it's very destructive and it's going to kill everyone she loves and she's going to have to die to prevent that. we get it. can we move on now? idk it frustrates me that Jean gets to have a movie centered around her not once but twice while both Peter and Ororo (and so many other but they're my favs) can't have basic character development.

I genuinly did not care for Scott. also how did he not get character development when his brother died??? he cried about it 2 seconds and then poof. out of sight out of mind. I wanna know how he gets rid of his grief so easily

I've checked when the other movies take place and... I don't understand... how are they aging... I'm so confused... wtf is that timeline... why is there a movie every 10 year? what is everyone's age ????

do I regret rewatching this movie? yes. yes I do. now I am going to obsess over how they could have handled so many things (notably Peter's daddy issues) so much better and lose all my sleep to fix-it fics.

#xmen apocalypse #magneto #erik lensherr #charles xavier #raven darkholme #mystique #peter maximoff #quicksilver #ororo munroe #jean grey #scott summers

[faithfromanewperspective]

nothing i've seen exemplifies the inadequacy of the protestant view on self-improvement and isolated personal responsibility like the utter devaluation of Indigenous australians. i see it everywhere; i don't really know how to go on around it in a world where no one knows how to address what needs to be addressed in a productive way.

because we do have some alarming statistics. you know some of the things you demonise people about? and not just incarceration. people have a weird thing about people being on the dole (unemployment benefits). most of us don't; we're anticapitalism and feminists and stuff but. abuse. that's another statistic, yes. one we very much still call a choice even in the most neurodivergent affirming spaces. racist statistics. choices. is an Indigenous person more likely to perpetrate abuse?

but they don't know the cause and effect of generational trauma caused by colonialism. denial of community is a form of spiritual starvation. removal from family. abuse. unmet needs. we're doing much better and we forget that this happened. and we think that because we're doing much better, things are automatically going to be all of a sudden fine. they forget that bodies remember. they forget that it's so much harder to love when your needs are unmet. you're spiritually starved, still. how are you to love the next child?

and yet. we need those children to be born and loved. they are our future. it's up to us as a nation to love them. no one more than those who have the love of a god. i'm sorry christians i will keep calling you out again and again. but this is the real protestant work ethic. to simply love. to simply feel and transmit love it's not a demand or a burden don't you see it can come from within? don't you see the world needs it? don't you know you can opt out yes but the joy actually is to opt in? and yes it's hard work. what are protestants known for? unless the hard work is all a habit to ensure we never feel.

and this love means autonomy. it means respect. it means contexualising the gospel, yes, but so much more reparations on top of that and it might mean acknowledging some things are harmful! it might mean changing them! like all of this blame. but i blame you, christians. i blame you for not doing better knowing i'm tugging at the reins of my sleep deprived manic soul just to fix the mess that you created. i don't know how i'm meant to do that. i don't know how i'm meant to not at least try. spend every waking hour finding ways to do this. i can't read the bible without getting mad. i'm isolated, too. spiritually starved, because i need community with me. how am i meant to feed an entire nation in love when i'm so alone? but how can i see the state of things and not?

i see injustice every day. i feel like i must be hallucinating it because no one else seems to see it. but i do. it traumatises me let alone how much it must them. how can i pour from such emptiness? do you know how much i long to do something? i need to. why do i have to fix things? who am i if i'm not fixing things? maybe i should find the answer to that first. maybe let myself be filled up in love and connection with the land but where am i supposed to find that? is there still community out there? who aren't built on oppression that they don't realise exists until it's happening to them?

i'll pray. i always pray. i don't know what to do with this life. i'm either behaving recklessly or i can barely move. barely think. when i think it always comes back to this. always comes back to we need to do better. they told me in the bible there's a god who died to help us do better. and i see this god's fandom and i don't fucking see it. i don't know which one is the delusion. i'll choose to believe it in opposition of what i see every day. it's like rebellion. it's so, so isolating though, to believe something that evidence shows isn't true. others adjust their beliefs. don't hold as tightly to the same hope. but i have to hope. because it's not for me. it's for a nation who deserve better.

#punk christianity #and here it is. my purpose in life #surely it's not normal to just. want to throw up when you see people living their lives every day #and dissociate soooo hard when i'm in christian spaces #with people who i don't know live in the same world i do #but when i have time to think it always comes back to me. and i believe the bible. even when clearly no one else does #or they just don't see it the way that i do i guess? what does it say about me if i'm clinging to rage and some 2000yo book #christianity #colonialism #evangelical #protestant #decolonise #australia #decolonise australia #decolonise christianity #destigmatise sin #decolonise mission #decolonisation #australia rep #abuse #racism

[runwithwolvcs]

Right Where You Left Me

Part Three: I Think He Knows

No Warnings

Translation: Loba = Wolf (f)

Pauls POV

Slamming the front door shut to the house I’ve spent more time at than my own home in recent months, I’m met with two pairs of alarmed eyes.

Sam stands up almost immediately, sensing the anger that I’m trying really hard to keep at bay, but I can’t shake the look of pain in Saskias eyes, the fact that she would rather reconnect with Calian than me. I deserve it, I should’ve been there and I wasn’t. But seeing her in his clothes.

 I feel the first ripple course through my body.

“Outside!” Sam shouts at me, pushing my back out the door I came in. 

 As soon as my feet touch the grass, I turn to him, not able to control the shaking any longer.

“ She told me her mom was dying, she expected me to be there when she did, and you forced me not to be.” I shove his chest, blaming him for the situation I am in.

“Easy.” Sam used his Alpha voice, “I did it for her sake, and yours. You weren’t ready then, and you aren’t now. You will leave her alone for the time being..”

I growl at the thought of not being able to see Saskia, to touch her, hold her through the night so she can finally sleep.

I almost knocked on her window before talking myself out of it. I can’t remember the last time there wasn’t a glow of light coming from her window behind the star-covered curtain. The one thing in my way from seeing if she was alright in the darkness of night.

“No! She’s my imprint. I can’t just, just let her suffer even more. You know she’ll feel it!”

“Get a grip on your anger and then we’ll talk more, but for now, keep an eye on Jacob.” Sam tells me, and the ache in my chest burns more than I knew possible. It’s been with me since imprinting on her, her chocolate brown eyes had lightened with happiness for a split second before dulling into the tired eyes she had adopted over the last year.

“Emily.” I looked at her desperately as she stood on the porch.

“Sam,” She says sweetly, “Paul's right, she’s grieving and if he stays away from her, it won’t help him or her in the long run.”

“And if he hurts her?” He reasons, not taking his eyes off of me.

“I won’t. I can control it.” I promise, but even I can hear the uncertainty in my voice.

“Only here. That's my condition.” There was no use arguing with him, the alpha tone strong in Sam's voice.

“She hates you, she would never agree to that.” I groan.

“Get her to, or else you won't be seeing her until I can trust you won’t phase in front of her.” and with that, he walked Emily back into their home. The jealousy of how easy it looked for them coursed through me, forcing me to run for the tree line. I need to shift.

-- 

Saskia POV

“I want to hangout.” Paul tells me, blocking my access to the locker. He had been waiting there when I had arrived, hair dishevelled and practically glowing under the fluorescents. I knew the look well on him, and I couldn’t help but be jealous of whoever he was with.

“What part of leaving me alone do you not understand?” I ask him bitterly, my mood now ruined.

“Sleep deprivation makes you say things you don’t mean.” he jokes and I shoot him a look. Paul's face falls and I can see the regret in his eyes. He moves out of my way, allowing me to enter my lock combination and grab my things.

“I did mean it.”I say, pausing before adding, “Ask Kelsie, I’m sure she’d love to give you a second chance.”

I begin to grab my things from my locker, hoping he’d get the hint and leave. He doesn’t and I can feel my resolve slipping. 

“I want you… to give me a second chance.” I hear him say, but I don’t look at him. I can’t. He doesn’t take my silence as a hint I don’t want to talk and continues, “I fucked up.” he says.

“You did.” I agree.

“So you’ll give me a second chance?”

“No,” I say with a sarcastic smile before slamming my locker shut and heading to our next class with Mr. Faire.

He tails me, opening the door for me when we get there. Allowing me in before he follows, Mr. Faire greets us, asking me if I’ve done the reading for today's class. I haven’t.  Before I can even respond, Pauls barking at him to leave me alone and I stifle a laugh at the look on the teacher's face. I look behind me to send Paul a grateful smile, he smiles back before heading to his usual table, right behind mine and Tessas.

I can’t focus on the material in front of me. All I could think about was the pros and cons of hanging out with Paul. Pro: We always have a good time together, sex or not. Con: He’s in a gang. 

Half through the class, I turn around in my seat and he looks up from his work immediately. A questioning look on his face, “I have to be home by five. That’s when Delta gets home from her after school program.”

“Yeah,” he grinned at me, “No problem, Sask.”

I turned back around, avoiding Tessa's shocked gaze as a small smile graced my lips. The butterflies stirring in my belly at the thought of hanging out with Paul.

“I’m coming over tonight.” she said, before dropping the topic completely.

--

I have never felt more regret in my life than I did at this moment. As I sat in Paul's truck, refusing to get out as he stood at the opened passenger door holding the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

The house was beautiful, but I knew who it belonged to. Everyone did.

“Sam Uley's house? No, not happening. Take me home.” crossing my arms over my chest, not looking at Paul. If I did, he would get me to cave. Again.

“Saskia.” he groaned, “Please, get out of the car.”

“Why would you bring me here?” I ask, disappointed that I gave him a second chance and he completely wasted it. All for Sam.

“He’s not a gang leader, I promise. It’s safe.”

“Gang leader or not, I still don’t like or trust him.”

“Do you trust me?” he asked, 

I search his face, looking for any indication that I shouldn’t trust him. He looks nervous, his grip on the door tightened so much that his knuckles turn white. Why, why, why, does he have this affect on me?

“Leahs going to kill me,” I mutter, unbuckling my seatbelt. Paul lets out a sigh of relief as he helps me out of the truck. His hand lingering on mine before he ushers me to the steps of the porch, his warm hand on the small of my back. It felt..right. I tighten my jacket around my body as a young woman exits the front door with a bright smile, her hair falling into place perfectly. She was beautiful. But I know who she is, and my mind flashes to the nights I spent holding my friend as she breaks down into a puddle of tears.

Emily Young, Leah's older cousin, and Sam's new fiancee. 

“Saskia!” she exclaimed excitedly, “I’m so happy to finally meet you, Pauls told me all about you and I know you’re good friends with my cousin as well.”

She wraps an arm around me in a quick hug and I take the opportunity to glance at Paul, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. Why was he telling Emily about me? What has he told Sam?

“Sam’s not home yet, and I have a batch of muffins in the oven to take care of, so I’ll leave you two alone. Maybe you can convince Paul to finally do his Spanish homework.” She says, shooting him a look. I’m not surprised he’s slacking on his work again. He barely even shows up to school.

“I don’t take Spanish,” I mumble awkwardly. Why did he bring me here again?

Emily's smile falters slightly, and I can barely maintain eye contact with her. She seems nice, but how nice can she be if she’s with Sam. What role does she play in this whole gang?

“Thanks, Em.”  Paul says with a lopsided grin before ushering me around the back of the small cottage house.

“Why am I here, Paul?” I ask once we are out of Emily earshot. He leads me to the large picnic table near a fire pit. Waiting for me to sit before he does, keeping a comfortable distance which I am thankful for.

He shrugs, “Figured we could hangout. We haven’t in a while.”

“But why here.”

He doesn’t answer, his attention focused on something else but I want answers.

“Paul?” I try to gain his attention again. I look to where his eyes are focused, the back door of the cottage.

A man walks through the door, shirtless and I try not to gawk. This was not the Sam Uley Leah had described. He was as big as Paul was, if not bigger. I look away from Sam and back to Paul, ready to tell him to take me home before I start walking but he’s looking down at his feet, his anxiety radiating off of him. I whip my head back to Sam, Emily now slotted into his side and narrow my eyes. He clearly made Paul uncomfortable.

“Who’s this?” Sam asks, his question directed towards Emily and Paul.

“Saskia, Pauls.. Friend.” Emily answers before Paul could. I cringe at the label she put on us. We’ve never been friends, not really anyway. Just neighbours who found solace in each other.

“We’re not friends,” I say bitterly and Paul winces at my declaration. Sam just nods stoically.

“It’s nice to meet you, Saskia.” he says politely and I don’t return the gesture as I downcast my eyes as he looked at me, now I was the uncomfortable one.

“Please take me home,” I whisper to Paul and he nods, looking at me with concern for someone more than just a friend would.

The drive is silent for the most part, but there's so much I want to say. Like if he was okay? What did Sam have on him that forced him to be his little lacky?

“Was this some kind of joke?” I ask quietly. The soft sound of the radio fills the gap before he answers me.

“No, I just wanted to spend time with you,”

“At Sam Uley's house.” I point out. When he asked me to hangout with him, I half expected it would end with us tangled up in eachother. The feeling of his lips against my neck, my hands in his hair. Though he had cropped it short, I still wanted to run my hands through it.

What am I even thinking? He just brought me to a gang leaders house and I want to feel his hands on my body? I should never want to speak to him again!

“He’s not a bad guy, Sask.” he reasoned and I scoffed quietly. Not a bad guy. He ditched Leah for her cousin, I think that alone qualifies him to be a bad guy.

“We could’ve just gone to your house, or mine even.”

“I can’t” His grip tightening on the steering wheel did not go unnoticed, “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”I ask, do I really want to know the answer? Can I handle it right now? I shake my head, I have more important things to be worrying about than some boy,  “You know what, I can’t do this.” 

“Sask,” he frowns, taking his eyes off the road for a split second to look at me. I can see a million emotions cross his face before his jaw tightens and he looks back at the road.

“No! I don't know what the hell is going on with you, but you’re not going to drag me into it.” turning my body to face the window, fighting back the tears that well in my eyes and the ache that begins to fill my chest.

Paul Lahote has ruined me.

--

Numb is what I felt the next week at school. I haven’t seen Paul since he dropped me off at home that afternoon. Nor did I want to, but I still worry. Wondering where he went and when he will be back. The thought of him not coming  back had also crossed my mind and sent me into a panic late one night. Though his light flicked on shortly after, allowing me to breathe and actually get some sleep.

The lunch hour was both a blessing and a curse, it gave me  time to catch up on homework but also, the opportunity to  search for him. The past few days the table featuring Sam’s crew was empty, minus Kim who would sit with her friends on days Jared was absent. They were all back today, featuring a new member. Embry Call.

Best Friends to Jacob Black and Quil Ateara who had been keen on sitting with Tessa and I now that Quil had bagged Tessa as a science partner.

“Embry used to call them hall monitors on steroids, now he’s one of them.” Jacob grumbled, stealing a fry off my plate. I pushed the tray towards him, not in the mood to eat.

“Paul took Saskia to Sam Uley’s house last week.” Tessa announces and all eyes are on her, Quil and Jacob shocked by the revelation.

“Did he try to get you to join his cult?” Quil asked and I shook my head.

“I left as soon as Sam showed up. He makes me uncomfortable, Paul looked it too.” I told them quietly, Jacob frowned at what I had said.

“If he comes near you again, tell me. I’ll --” he starts, but Tessa cuts him off with a laugh.

“Okay, Jacob. Have you seen their muscles? Might as well just let them have her.”

“Tess, really?” I was annoyed, she hadn’t shut up about the trip to Sam’s. Or Paul. It was annoying beyond belief, one minute she hated them like the rest, the next she's fawning. “Thank you, Jacob, but I won’t be going anywhere near Sam ever again.”

He nods. The subject was dropped as Quil and Tessa went over the details for their science project and I focused back on my catchup homework, glancing over at Paul's table to see that he was no longer there. Only Embry and Kim were. I can’t help but frown.

I had decided to skip Mr. Faires class during lunch after not being able to finish the work I was given, hoping my absence would be noticed by a  certain individual and he would leave too. Paul knew how much I hated that class, maybe he would come find me, ask if I was okay. The old Paul would, and to make me feel better he would-- Stop it, Saskia, I tell myself, he doesn’t care about you.

I couldn’t exactly leave, I was Jacob's ride home. He had told me about some bikes a friend off the rez had found and wanted to rebuild. He asked for company, though I think it was more for my sake than his. Jacob's mom had died when he was a kid, he out of everyone understood what I was going through and knew the exact thing to say and when to say it.

It saddened me that Sam had got his claws into his best friend.

I saw the familiar frame exit the school, looking around before spotting me against my car. Paul walked towards me, shoulders tense and worry graced his sharp  features.

“Embry, really?” I asked when he was close enough.

“I was just as shocked as you are.” He looked in pain and all I wanted to do was smooth out the lines of worry on his face, but the feeling of resentment stopped me. 

“Cut the shit, Lahote.” I snapped, “Leave him alone.”

He chuckles under his breath with raised eyebrows, as if to say ‘or what?’.

“Please?” I say meekly, tired of fighting with him. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, I just wanted things to go back to normal between us. It still could if he would just ignore Sam.

He looks at me with sympathy. A look he has never given me before. I should be used to it by now, and maybe I was numb to everyone else looking at me in pity, but with him, I wanted to just fall into his arms and let him hold me. A feeling I’ve never felt with him. No feelings, that was the deal.

“I would if I could, okay?” Paul tells me, offering me a small smile. I guess it’s not his fault, he’s just as victim to Sam’s hold on them as Embry is.

Grabbing both of his hands, one last desperate plea, “Just, just tell me what's  going on. Maybe I can help you.”

He looked down at our hands, and intertwined  our fingers, speaking in the softest tone I've ever heard leave his mouth, “You can’t. Saskia.”

“You don’t know that.” I argue with wide eyes. There is something wrong, he practically just admitted to it. My heart rate picks up in a panic as I try and decipher what it could possibly be.

“I do.” he looks back up, into my eyes. My soul, even. Searching for something that I can't pin. “I think you’re the smartest person I know, and  I can’t wait to see the look on your face when you figure it out.”

 He squeezes my hands gently before letting go, “I have to go.”

“Paul,” my voice breaks as the tears prick at my eyes, as he takes a step back. He flinches with a pained expression, as if he felt my own pain. I can’t watch him walk away, not knowing the next time I’ll see him again. If I’ll see him again.

He wipes the singular tear that fell from my eyes, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Loba. I promise.”

I think he knows how much I really care about him, if he only knew how scared I was.

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