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plato-repulsed-culture-is · 7 months

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This blog means a lot to me since I didn't even know I could call it platonic repulsion or an actual boundary to not like fluffy friendy stuff. Up until now I thought the right term for me was "flaming asshole"

I'm glad you found a term that fits !! And tbh thats kind of how I felt until I realised that plato repulsed and aplatonic are terms that ppl can id with and realised they fit me!! I feel like ppl think you must be misanthropic, or hate people, or are in some way immoral or broken if you don't like or relate to something people see as so innocent and essential to peoples lives, like they view friendship.

I feel like in media centered around 'the power of friendship' the villains who aren't 'redeemable' almost always just are characterised as evil assholes for being disgusted by and/or disliking friendship. (Some notable examples are Queen Chrysalis from MLP:FIM, and Eggman/Ivo Robotnik from Sonic The Hedgehog). And this isn't far from how people irl tend to view ppl who don't like and/or feel repulsed by friendship.

Plato repulsion is not really about directing hatred towards people who have or want friends, or even all people as a whole, and people need to understand that. It just means we feel repulsion towards friendship and/or platonicism, which is a morally neutral emotion.

Part of the reason I made this sideblog was to talk about being plato repulsed more and also allow other people to talk about their experiences with plato repulsion, because its not often discussed or even understood, especially outside of aplatonic spaces.

I think some ppl also assume that plato repulsion is just 'jealousy' of people who have lots of friends (I genuinely thought my plato repulsion was this before because ppl act like everyone has friends and if they don't they assume they want friends, or are friendless because people don't like them and not because they want to not have friends and/or have difficulty making friends, etc.). Or they assume we have to just find "the right people" to like friendship, when its not necessarily the case.

Sure, a plato repulsed person could realise theyre not plato repulsed later on, just like could happen w sex repulsed or romance repulsed, etc. But that doesn't mean this is the case for everyone, and that doesn't invalidate the experiences of those of us who remain plato repulsed. Plato repulsion is not something that needs to be 'fixed'.

Anyways, congratulations on finding a term that fits your experiences, and I'm sorry that society is not very respectful of boundaries surrounding friendship and/or people feeling negative emotions or repulsion towards it.

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spicybylerpolls · 8 days

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Interesting points from anon who argued for bottom mike there. Thanks for being so generous with your explanation for your preference!

I found this interesting: i guess my main reasoning for him being a bratty bottom is just how he acts sometimes through the show, his clear distaste for being told what to do and his snappy comebacks.

To me, this indicates that mike very much would not want to be told what to do in the bedroom, and would thus take control. Distaste… so why would he like being told what to do in the bedroom?

I mean, maybe, as a kink, as a relief, in the way people who engage in d/s culture enjoy the separation from their reality. But that’s also a highly self aware and advanced sexual expression that requires knowledge and courage. Your average virgin does not immediately engage in bdsm culture or even understand its psychology. Most people barely know what they like in the bedroom, let alone the complex dynamics of bdsm and d/s.

Which leads me to the realisation of how interesting it is to see such common dom/sub conversations around byler sex in this fandom. it speaks to the fact that fandom is very fantasy- and imagination-based rather than just working with what is canon. It's so intriguing, because I personally came to fandom hoping to discuss the show, almost analytically like we were in media class, and found lots of fantasy play and headcanons and stuff, which I hadn't known were a thing. At first it didnt make sense to me... why would you want to celebrate characters/a show but make it completely into something that no longer resembles that show or those characters??

I understand fandom better now, but even so re: sex, I would say that irl, at least 50% of people dont engage in dom/sub dynamics in their sex life at all, or even anything that would be considered kinky or fetish. In fact, one you've removed the percentage of people who don’t have sex at all, a large portion of sexually active people (especially women) don’t engage in even the simplest kind of vanilla sex where they ask for the bare minimum of what they would enjoy, what they want, know what they want - many dont even enjoy sex or know how to orgasm. This doesnt mean their sex is abusive or toxic or they have a history of trauma, but just that they dont feel comfortable or that it’s their place to ask for pleasure. They just do what they think they should do, 'normal sex' (a common historic phrase here was 'lie back and think of england' lmao... basically what royal queens were told to think as their husbands butchered them in the least enjoyable way possible).

(I also always found the scene with Steve’s mean friends in s1, after he and Nancy have sex, uncomfortable because they were clearly taking the mick out of Nancy when imitating her screams, and it highlighted how performative that sexual experience may well have been for Nancy. I mean, if Steve made her cum during her first time? Damn, he’s good. But chances are he didn’t, and nancy’s storyline was partially about performances and status in s1, so her first time w Steve also being performative is a possibility. It makes the barb storyline even sadder too.)

But back to byler. theyre boys so dynamic will be different to a man and woman, but I think dom/sub conversation comes up so much more in gay sex, and is it because people just can’t see gay men as being equals in the bedroom? Even though people have no issue imaging equal sex with a man and woman, despite a similar dynamic of who is penetrating? But two men? Nope, one must be dom or sub, one must be more powerful, even if you’re a power bottom you’re still a power something. Why can’t it be equal? Why do we ALWAYS have to refer to dom and sub?

I’m not saying that dynamic wouldnt exist for byler at some point, or that it’s no good, but it doesn’t need to be the only frame of reference. Sure, byler don’t always have to have penetrative sex either, but even if they are, will it ever be possible to talk about topping and bottoming without power dynamics being involved? Equal union, joining of bodies, not an inkling of power in sight. In fact, not even using the term ‘topping’ and ‘bottoming’, which may well have origins in physicality, such as the missionary position, but certainly also hold connotations of power. Who’s on top? Who’s bottom? I don’t love the wording tbh, and I wonder what the history of that is in gay culture.

"Which leads me to the realization of how interesting it is to see such common dom/sub conversations around byler sex in this fandom. it speaks to the fact that fandom is very fantasy- and imagination-based rather than just working with what is canon. It's so intriguing, because I personally came to fandom hoping to discuss the show, almost analytically like we were in media class, and found lots of fantasy play and headcanons and stuff"

This is so interesting to me - it reminds me of that one anon the regular byler poll blog got recently about their confusion as to why people were speculating about things they can't possibly know the answer to. But yeah, you're right that a significant portion of fandom is imagination/headcanon based, and I agree with the anon on the byler polls account who pointed out that this is largely personality-driven, where some are all about this and others are... very much not.

All your other points are super interesting too! What does everyone else think?

#spicy byler #mike wheeler #will byers #spicy byler meta #top/bottom discourse #byler #no poll

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schizowitchic · 2 months

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re: the last post i reblogged i am now going to rant about biphobia i have experienced and am experiencing! yay /s

(under a cut bc this got way too long)

so in secondary school i was in a friend group full of queer people, majority of whom were bisexual girls (at the time. a couple are now nonbinary / asexual) . and they were very big on the whole "bisexual culture is liking every woman and 2 men" thing, a lot of "ew men" jokes, and all in all general "liking women is better than liking men" "why am i dating a gross icky man i should be with a woman".

now i am more attracted to men than women, not by much, its typically fairly equal, but i definitely have a leaning towards men. and i repressed that for AGES. because it simply was "frowned upon", so to speak, from almost everyone i was close with

(for further context for the rest of this. i am not out as genderfluid. i use she/her pronouns irl and ppl know me as a cis woman. i am not really out as aromantic, when i identified as aroace i did tell a few people but i think they either completely ignored me or forgot. lol.)

nowadays, i tell my friends i am bisexual. one in particular always seems to forget, constantly calling me gay/lesbian, assuming i have no opinion or that my opinion will be "ew no" when she asks if i find a man she likes hot. (she has told me so many times "why am i asking you this you don't even like men". i have told her i am bisexual several times) (she also thinks it's funny to call me & another friend "f-slurs" . she says that not the actual word but still. i have to find it funny bc she gets so defensive if we imply she's homophobic)

(i do call myself gay bc i consider none of my attraction ever to be straight. i have no major issues with being called a lesbian apart from the fact that. yknow. im not a lesbian and have never identified as such)

i made a post a while back saying something like "help im being biseuxal erasured". because i am!! i am stuck in yet another situation with people who are either mainly attracted to women/only attracted to women/don't often talk about their attraction to me & also two cishet girls who are attracted to men in a very different way than i am (one of whom erases the fact i am attracted to men and the other who i don't like and probably assumes i'm a lesbian bc of how often everyone else says that)

also full of "ew men" jokes!!. might i add.

i literally have no space to talk about the way i experience attraction, i have to water it down and pretend i only like women, pretend i am interested in romance, pretend i feel attraction when the occasioanll bout of extreme sex-repulsion hits, take (albeit censored) homophobic slurs, sex jokes about me & another female friend that are getting uncomfortable.

and pretend like the main perpretatror of this isn't being at all queerphobic. (she also has massive racism and antisemitism issues. although my friend did throw basically a whole book at her face when she made a really bad joke). to the point where i no longer consider her a friend but i can't say that bc then im overreacting and i'll get the same bullying ostracisation treatment & my friends are still gonna hang out w her so i can't avoid it

people wonder why i am aplatonic when throughout friendships i have experienced: making fun of me to my face & behind my back, bullying, homophobia, biphobia, aphobia, ableism .

like what the fuck. im sick and fucking tired of having nowhere safe to express my sexuality bc let's be real, the internet often isn't the best space.

ive made my peace with either having to compromise my aromanticism or my allosexuality irl (ie either be out as bisexual or out as aroace) but apparently i can't even freely be bisexual without people making assumptions and at this point im just waiting it out until i can hit restart and try make new friends

#biphobia #homophobia #long post #aphobia #queerphobia #bisexual #im aware some of my wording may be misinterpreted . im struggling to explain this #as you may be able to tell from the longwindedness #having friends is exhausting and stressful #aplatonic #aromantic #personal #rant #nyxie be quiet challenge

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wuntrum · 9 months

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HELP i can’t tell if i’m the asshole here so i hooked up w my situationship literally monday, then tuesday she’s saying can’t date me, it’s right person wrong time bc of her problems & she knew that sunday morning but didn’t say anything. idgaf if she doesn’t want to see me anymore but lowkey how dare you already have a foot out the door but get sex out of me before you dip? like i had no expectations other than her wanting me there. so i let her hear it & she’s saying idk wow to my reaction. i told her that was fucked up & that she lowkey took advantage of me. like i gave an enthusiastic consent but only bc i thought she wanted to, it was her idea!! if you don’t want me there literally tell me to go we’re adults. i can’t tell if i was toxic for overreacting—i did bring up the fact that a different girl kissed me saturday & invited me over…if she doesn’t want me, other girls do! i wouldn’t have blown up kn her for not wanting to date at all i said i didn’t care about labels or timelines. i just think it’s wrong that she said she wasn’t her most authentic self when we were together as she put it like damn. i actually tried bc i cared about her & she says the same thing, that she didn’t string me along but how is that not exactly that. please help me i can’t talk to my irl friends a about this i’m too embarrassed. it’s my fault for wanting to uhaul but she was sooo into me until she wasn’t. which is her right obvi but if you’re having that realization tell me BEFORE the sex. ok thanks for letting me rant god bless

thats tough :( take what i say with a grain of salt because i have noooo situationship experience at all, but i can see why you're upset about what happened. the only thing i can think is maaaybe she only realized what she was feeling on sunday after she had a day to think about it? at least, i know for me personally, i know there are times where i feel like Something's Off but i can't really put my finger on it until later. but also that could not apply here as well, you'd probably know better than i would. i guess if she had continued to not tell you how she was feeling and you guys kept doing stuff, that would've been stringing you along---even though it sucks, at least it was really soon after the first time. communication's soooo important in any relationship though (like not even a romantic or sexual one), so i think its totally understandable to be upset in this situation, seems like a very big thing to withhold from someone. hope you're able to find happiness with other people!! (and hopefully they'll be better communicators)

#asks #like i would also be upset if i were in the same situation so. i think it was an appropriate reaction

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whyyoualwayssoradical · 2 years

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Idk how much experience you may have with this but lately I've been thinking about how most men I know somehow can't clock transwomen as fast as I can and I'm wondering if male's like don't have as strong of a recognition of sex as women do? And maybe that's part of why a lot of transwomen think they pass when it's very obvious to us 🤔

personally i've been able to clock just about every trans person i've come across, either IRL or online just from something as small as a reddit post. most of them are pretty obvious. there's like probably 30-50 trans people at my work and i can clock all of them at first glance (there's two people I am unsure of) and only one of them knows i'm trans because i told one transman that i trust, when i told him he asked if i was transmale or transfemale.

from what i've experienced, males are atrocious at pattern recognition when it comes to people because they literally just have "man, boy (potential man), woman/girl" is how they categorize people it seems. i've heard radfems talk about how part of the reason males are worse at it might be because they don't need it to survive as much, but girls and women need to be able to accurately ID a male, in any circumstance, to survive in modern society.

for me, again personally, the only people that have really clocked me have been lesbians and gay men. most straight people seem to be completely clueless, more so men than women. i do claim i pass but when i say that i mean like in most everyday situations like going to the grocery store or to get food or something almost everyone will assume i'm a "woman" even though i'm not one. i definitely think there are plenty of women who have clocked me and just not said anything/played nice. i think any woman that spent any amount of time talking with me or hanging out with me would figure it out sooner or later, but i generally tell any close friends if we're actively talking/hanging out that much because i don't want to and don't mean to deceive them.

some anecdotes from personal experience:

i have been targeted by powerful men before because they, for some reason, legitimately thought i was female. a woman who "worked" for them also thought i was. that situation made me legit fear for my life.

the most common question i got asked at whole foods anytime i mentioned i didn't feel well, multiple women would ask if i was on my period, to which i would say just no it's just stomach cramps or w/e was making me feel crappy.

most women that do suspect me to be not what i appear usually think i'm non-binary or a transman if they ever want to ask anything.

i was disallowed from doing something at a different whole foods because they said it couldn't be a woman doing it if the other person was a man (overnights require min 2 people present). this rule miraculously disappeared after the pandemic hit and we didn't have the staff to do otherwise. i had volunteered to be the second person since i already came in early so it was no big deal to come in earlier, but they were like no it cant be a man and a woman if there's only 2 people.

this isn't me trying to say "oh i pass sooo much better" or anything like that, because i doubt i pass that particularly well but also at the same time i often struggle to make sense of what i do experience. i can't imagine this many people doing all of this just to validate me and i don't go around telling people i'm a woman, however my documentation all reflects "F". these experiences are generally why i will say i "pass" and also why i use the term "assimilated transsexual".

i think being bullied so much by boys and men plus getting into radical feminism drastically improved my human sex pattern recognition. i definitely used to not be as good at it as i am now. i can look at myself and pick out my male features fairly easily. i have had more androgynous features most of my life than anything else.

it does blow my mind when i see quite clearly men wearing makeup saying they pass and are hotter/sexier than women, because i feel like any look into the mirror would reveal otherwise... which the same could totally be said about me, maybe i look like a clown too and everyone is just nice to me who knows, but i almost never wear makeup, i've only worn it on special occasions and it's usually just eye makeup, nothing else.

#this got way longer than i expected #sorry

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consoledacup · 9 months

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This took longer than expected sorry lol. & the post got long af, so I stuck to a general overview of the friendship dynamics that establishes the foundation of the Vortex — rooted in season 1 main plot points (b4 1x13). While others were involved, I don’t think they played as big of an influence, evidenced by the impact + outcome of later season fallouts. I can explain my rationale (tomorrow/next week) with a similar writeup of Layla/Liv/Asher/Spencer plots points contrasted against my writeup in this post. Just comment & let me know. (it would only be the AA specific parts of this post, not the general shit I wrote at the beginning).

General Opinion of media representation of Vortex dynamics:

- I wish industry ppl would talk about how written creative endeavors bound to relationship anarchy (RA) can validate the ‘stable Love Dodecahedra (LD)’ Ending Trope type where ‘everyone stays friends’ (eg, the vortex); but, how “relationship hierarchy [RH] as a coercive structure reflective of our culture’s value system” cannot see that in media nor in real life.

- In other words, it’s only successful to the extent that viewers are convinced the work FEELS & IS

- (a) realistic irl and in the show &/or

- (b) justified in-universe insofar that their willing suspension of disbelief (WSOD) is retained as they watch.

- RH (the ‘societal default settings’ of relationships & love) & RA are NOT common knowledge. Which helps explain why such written creative endeavors have been unsuccessful amongst the subset of viewers unknowledgeable about RH & RA. & tbh that is likely a VERY large subset.

RH (the ‘societal default settings’ of relationships & love) & RA are NOT common knowledge. Which helps explain why such written creative endeavors have been unsuccessful amongst the subset of viewers unknowledgeable about RH & RA. & tbh that is likely a VERY large subset.

- Unpopular opinion, maybe even a fact, is that vortex dynamics are very much realistic and have probably always happened in real life. The subset of viewers who know/acknowledge/understand this don’t need to be convinced of that nor of retaining their WSOD.

My thoughts on the lack of media representation w/Vortex Dynamics that actually break down (behind & on screen) what’s happening:

(A) Keep this info in mind:

- The characters are no different than the aforementioned subset of viewers unknowledgeable about RH & RA. There is a common tendency, esp prevalent during minorhood, to form or explore personal/intimate relationships within a ‘Romantic Sex-Based Relationship Hierarchy’.

- Additionally, the split model of attraction—or the idea of different forms of attractions beyond romantic and sexual—is also not common knowledge.

(B) What does that mean in practice for AA?

- We weren’t told, but it’s highly likely that Asher & Layla explored/questioned their personal/intimate relationship status as friends along RH imposed lines b/c they felt differently toward each other than (a) they felt about the rest of the Bev crew &/or (b) they did during their elementary-ages.

- So, I’d assume that before Lasher & Ashlivia actually acted on anything to redefine their relationship status as childhood friends, none of them ever even knew to question/consider whether:

- their “relationship categories are determined by an absence vs presence of sex &/or romance” (the RH mentioned above);

- RH “creates [in]equality of all their personal/intimate relationships, behaviorally & emotionally”;

- they “view being [a sexuality: eg, gay/pan/ace/straight thru] a sexual relationship”;

- they force themselves into “compulsory sexual or romantic experiences & relationships”‬ & what that means.

The varied friend configurations of Layla, Liv, Asher & Jordan were central to each other, introducing post-middle-school friends with their initial Beverly Crew friend group & then integrating them in to form The Vortex (e.g. Spencer, Coop, Patience, Jaymee). After every major and minor issue they faced, they were always able to lean on that foundation, mend what was broken, and keep building and working on these different friendships. I’d say to the point that, if they wanted to, they could reliably describe themselves as the “we don’t have to talk every day. we can go long stints and when we do interact it’s like no time has passed” type of friends. None of the friend configurations for them are vortex, person, or situation dependent. JJ is central to maintaining the Vortex as a whole though.

- Imo they never were successful with Simone bc of how they introduced her and just her whole storyline mainly being centered around Jordan; Not to mention, only 1-2 ppl really started building a genuine friendship with her that was completely separate + capable of lasting outside of Jordan. & I think she realized this as she left that Xmas party in 5x01.

*BONUS CRUCIAL S1 EXAMPLES/CONVOS*

Ashlivia, Laylivia, & Lasher’s friendship foundations proved to be firmly rooted based on their actions post Layla/Liv/Asher Fallout + bumps along the way of their friendship healing journey:

- Liv helping Ash on the bench post-homecoming dance (1x07)

- Laylivia 1x08 convo clearing the air and apologizing for everything that they had both done. Convo ends w/Olivia asking about the state of their friendship bc she doesn’t want to lose her best friend again. Layla responds honestly that she isn’t sure & that it’s gonna take some time.

- 1x09 has Layla trying to save Asher bc he’s been skipping school. She tries to convince him to start going back to class, tells him he’s wrong that nobody wants him at school and that there’s always a way back. He thinks she means as bf/gf and gets mad when she clarifies she meant football, not them bc she’s w/spencer.

- 1x10 Laylivia starting their friendship healing journey + Layla to Gabby “what is important are the real friends in my life—people like Olivia, who stand by me no matter what—the kind of friendship you clearly know nothing about”.

- (1x11) Liv/Ash/Layla friendship dynamics

- Liv saving Asher the morning of the combine after noticing he hadn’t checked in

- Layla covering for Liv at combine check-in while she was helping asher

- Ashlivia post-combine bench convo

- Laylivia convo about saving Asher bc he’s in a bad place like Liv was, but how she had a family who forced her to get the help she needed. So they “just need to be that family for Asher”.

- Ashlivia ‘back on the team’ convo

- Laylivia solution for Asher living in his car is for Asher to stay w/Layla even after the 1x09 confusion & awkwardness

- 1x12

- Layla goes to Spencer’s for a quiet place to study bc Asher is staying at her place

- Layla dealing with Spencer’s jealousy issues about Ash staying with her.

- Asher offers friendly advice to Spencer to return the favor regarding the wrecked car incident: “Don’t make the same mistake I did and lose the best thing that’s ever happened to you. I know this is going to sound crazy coming from me, but you can trust Layla.”

- Lasher convo after seeing JJ/Jor/Spence (asher gave her a ride to school bc she dropped her car off at the dealership):

- A: “You know it’s bad when even JJ is still pissed at me.”

- L: “You were friends before you were teammates, he’ll come around.”

- A: “I betrayed my team almost cost them the homecoming game. I’ve got a lot to make up for”.

- L: “And you will.”

- Layla worried about Liv being late to class. Tracked her down to talk about & give her a gift for her 1yr sobriety. Liv opens up & Layla gives support and advice. Cancels her date with Spence to stay with Liv bc she was having a rough time.

Laylivia 1x08 Convo:

- L: “Look we both said some pretty harsh things last night & I’m still mad as hell at you.”

- O: “I’m sorry that I slept with Asher, and I will keep saying it until—“.

- L: “I get it. You were high. But I’m still really hurt, and not just about the Asher thing. I’m upset about us. You let me believe you didn’t want to be my friend anymore, and you let me be with a guy who would cheat on me with my best friend”.

- O: “I know. And it was wrong. I told myself that I was doing it to protect you, but the truth is, I was just protecting myself. Everything that you said last night was true.”

- L:”Well, if I’m being honest, you weren’t wrong either. I knew you liked Spencer, and I was too afraid of not being miss perfect to admit I liked him, too. I’m sorry.”

- O: “You don’t need to apologize, Layla, okay? Not to me, not after what I did. And yes, I had a thing for Spencer, but I’m moving on and Spencer is a really good guy for you.”

- L: “Yeah well, he’s a really good guy who’s trying to uncomplicate my life by saying we should just be friends right now. Probably for the best.

- O: “Is it?”

- L: “Idk.”

- O: “What about us? I really don’t want to lose my best friend again.”

- L: “Honestly, um idk about that either. It’s gonna take some time.”

I really like examining the characters and dynamics this way. Thank you for writing this all up, @lostnonbinary Share whatever else you'd like! :)

It makes perfect sense why the Beverly Crew kinda set the early foundation for the flow of the Vortex. I think, growing up, these five kids found stability in each other, no matter what else was happening. And like you said, at times, it was a "maybe we don't talk all the time, but I'm still here for you." Because Layla and Olivia fought hard for their friendship, even while navigating real hurt and tension. And Olivia fought really hard for Asher while no one else was looking for him. And Jordan fought really hard for Layla when he noticed she had successfully pushed everyone else away. And Asher fought really hard for JJ even when he was at his worst and didn't wan his attention. I wonder what those dynamics looked like as they grew up together, and I'm sure there are many more examples of one member caring for the other.

And then you have Coop's and Spencer's fierce friendship with each other, and they, with Patience, join this Beverly Crew to form this Vortex. I have to say I like that people have slowly become close to each other, and to me, no one dynamic or relationship has seemed forced. I hope we continue to see that slowburn of connection next season and maybe see more fun, unlikely pairings like Asher/Coop.

Whether the Vortex reflects real life or not has never mattered to me personally. It's a show, it's fun, it's messy, and it's also just kinda beautiful to watch these characters take care of each other.

#all american #layla keating #olivia baker #jordan baker #asher adams #jj parker #spencer james #tamia cooper #patience robinson

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whatudowhennooneseesyou · 10 months

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HI HELLO, I've never written before 👋 but I'm a fan of your writing (🫶) and this type of convo always got me feeling things 💀 The "higher than thou" attitudes around smut needs to go! Read smut without shame. Or don't. It's ok to like different things. We're all different in many ways, and that is okay 👌

To judge others based on their sexual preferences or smut reading, or where they are on the rough or kinky scale, IS SO SILLY, IMMATURE, AND SAD 🧐

YES on "not being into rough sex doesn't equal not kinky" (or not more kinky than your BDSM/rough-loving moots/friends). There's one of 'em right here 👋 as you I am, sadly, also traumatised by bullying and can't handle being roughed up or degraded, but I'm kinky and sure as f not prude, boring or bad 😇

I don't remember who, but a fic writer said something like "I hope you know you don't need to deep-throat to make someone feel satisfied 👀" which is 100% true, like don't underestimate how easy it can be to please a person with a dick lmao (/ said affectionately and respectfully). Don't ever force yourself to go rough/read rough smut if it's not your thing and don't feel bad about it 🩷

Reading smut can really be helpful for people traumatised by bullying, shame culture or w/e. I too almost "flied off the edge" as you said, and various life experiences and upbringing made anything related to sex and intimacy in any form was ruined, traumatic and shameful until adulthood 🙃

Luckily I found some good peni- I mean peeps to help me open up. BUT SMUT?! Literally work therapeutically for me, and has been more rewarding and effective in some areas that irl experiences has or could not be 🤷 I'm sure others can relate. 100/10 stars, recommend.

The ff community is such a big spectrum of people in the sense of why or what we read or write. We got many late bloomers figuring shit out, experienced ones, poly's, married monogamous ones, asexual-spectrum and everything in between who may not engage in anything like it at all outside of this space.

We have a space where people can enjoy things on their own terms, talk with each other freely about things they might never be able irl, and have moots/community with purely smut reader/writers!

And I think that's really neat actually, and if anybody wanna fuck it up for us I will woop their ass 😤💖

(this was a lot, I beg your pardon 👉👈)

Hello @ddeonghwassimp

Firstly, before I respond to this lovely ask (thank you for sending this ask, it's beautiful. )

But I read your Bang Chan fic and it was so soft and beautiful, it was really sweet and comforting to read and you wrote such a great piece for your first ever fic.

You did really well *clap clap*

The audacity for you to take my words and use them as ammo (I'm kidding, I forgot I had written that so thanks for reminding me).

But srsly everyone, you don't need too deep-throat and it can be very dangerous if done incorrectly.

I was at support group and expressing my insecurity in wondering if my 'performance' is going to be good on the first go.

And one of the ladies said that if you are enthusiastic, enjoying the pleasure and are vocal about what makes you feel good, then that's all you need to make the experience a great one for both of you.

Which I feel was great advice and helped me feel better about worrying about my performance.

Smut is so therapeutic but also so educational in understanding what you enjoy, even just physical things like putting a pillow under your hips will help with g-spot penetration and putting a drop of lube in the tip of a condom can create less friction and heighten the sensation with a barrier.

And this will gives us late bloomers more confidence when we experience our first time because we know our kinks already.

I completely agree with the rest of what you're saying and the smut community is such a tight-knit group and I have met such cool people.

Hate comments absolutely offer no solution when the easiest thing you can do is scroll.

#whatudowhennooneseesyou moots #whatudowhennooneseesyou answered asks #slumber party with ruby

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fandomfluffandfuck · 1 year

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mr s i have a tmi question: since u hve experiences with casual sex, i was wondering how one... eases another person into it? as an awkward ace person ive certainly had opportunities to get into it but ive just refused bc im not rly into it, yknow? so my actual question is if u had any advice on how to initiate w ppl u know irl without sounding too forward? (i guess? u can tell i have no idea how any of this works lol lack of attraction is difficult to navigate)

That's a good question. I don't think it's TMI, lol. It's more just a relationship question to me, haha. Either way, I'm down to talk about it!

First story time, just for shits and giggles:

It depends on who you're having casual sex with, obviously. Some people I've heard of having hard, specific rules and some people have a similar experience to me where it was just... super casual. If there was anything up, we would just talk. We were friends. It's fun. It feels good. It's all chill, y'know?

I've had had a friends with benefits type relationships with two people--both women.

The first time it happened, we had been forming a friendship for a little bit, but we weren't super close or anything. Once, she straight up asked me if I was a virgin (which, in general, yuck, I dislike that terminology so much but whatever) when we were hanging out alone. That dissolved into conversation about sex in general. We came to the conclusion that we were both sex positive and both enjoyed sex. She told me that she had missed sex since she'd broken up with her boyfriend a while ago and hadn't gone out and hooked up with people after or anything. She didn't want to go out and just hook up. Fair enough.

I, half as a joke, half, just, why not said that we could have sex if she ever felt like it. We were friends, and I didn't want to date her, but we got along well so far, plus she was pretty. Why not?

She laughed at first, then asked me if I was serious at all. I told her, yeah, sure, if she wanted to. And... things kind of went from there.

We still talk sometimes, but she moved away, and while I have a lot of friends that are long distance so I'm fine texting and calling. It's not her speed. I have no hard feelings about it. If I'm ever where she is or she's here, I'm sure we'll get together to hang out.

And screwing around with her wasn't an all the time, like, weekly thing. We never met up specifically to fuck around, we would just hang out and then end up fucking occasionally.

(She was a fucking bomb kisser and I have to say she wore very pigmented makeup that would sometimes run and I- I can not tell you how much of A Thing I have for ruining pretty girl's makeup (or anyone's makeup for that matter 😏). It just looks so good messed up. Especially lipstick or eyeshadow/mascara. Jesus.)

The second time it happened, I met this woman in class, so we weren't friends prior. Friendly. But I didn't know her too well. We had talked in class, just chatting, and she emailed me for help on a few assignments because we were put into a cohort for peer-review stuff. Her voice was, just, gorgeous. And she was really smart. She wants to be a teacher. I could probably listen to her to talk for hours. Maybe if we'd gotten to know each other better, we could've dated or something, but we didn't. She graduated at the end of the term and moved onto her new, post-college life. I totally get it.

Anyway, she would compliment me here and there--she liked my hair, my eyes, the rings I wear, and some other stuff. She was really pretty herself, so I'd just reciprocate. Not exactly flirting but also not not flirting, haha.

I asked her if she had a partner, between asking about her life, generally, after we'd finished our work for peer review stuff once. She said she didn't and she asked if she could kiss me. I told her that sounded good. So we kissed, and then we actually went back to working, lmao. No funny business.

We kissed more the next time we met up outside of class. Literally, just taking a break from studying.

And, I don't know... dating never came up? It was one of those situations where we were alone and were kissing and more or less doing some heavy petting. Then it seemed just like it'd be a good time to keep going and I do like eating pussy, so I offered, she said yes. She actually complimented me on my skills the same way she had complimented me before and I laughed because... who wouldn't? She was sweet.

Then, the next time we got together, she asked if I'd do it again. She exchanged phone numbers and fucked around a few more times. Not too many times, though.

Funnily enough, I think my favorite thing that happened between us was when we were in class, and I licked my lips because... yeah. Sometimes you do. And she jabbed her fingers into my side to make me stop 💀💀 I choked, trying not to laugh too hard in front of everyone (and we did go to her car after class 👀).

(Also, I just have to confess that she was so, so good. She would stay still if I told her to, even when I went down on her. She also would stay basically silent if I told her to make not sounds, no matter what I did to her 👀 It was fucking incredible.)

Second, advice:

Again, it depends on the person. Some people want the straightforward version where there is an agreement, a conversation, and some people probably are more just about letting things flow naturally.

If you feel like you want a direct conversation, it might be better to just have that direct conversation so you can find someone who wants the same thing, so there would be the least amount of confusion possible. If you're content to let it flow... I don't know. That's harder. You can wait for conversations that shift in the direction of sex or push conversations that way.

I mean, maybe don't go, "hey, have you heard of this thing called causal sex? We should do that!" But you also could. Whatever you feel like.

If someone doesn't want to or refuses, that's them. They're allowed to say no. Try not to feel too defeated or rejected. There's a million reasons someone might not want to. It doesn't need to be a result of something with you. Y'know? (Not that I think you'll have a problem with that, knowing you've turned down causal sex yourself.)

If I were you, though, I think I might go for the direct conversation. Being on the ace spectrum makes sexuality different from allosexual people, obviously, and if you're going to fuck around with allosexual people it may come in handy to lay out, hey, this is what's going on with me, these are the feelings I have.

The people I've casually fucked have all known that I have a weird thing with sex where there needs to be some type of kink or power dynamic or something more than just strictly "vanilla sex" for me to be interested because... I don't know, that's just how I work 🤷🏻‍♂️ That and I'm not immediately in for being gotten off during sex. Sure, it's nice, but I'd much rather be getting the other person off. It's just more fun. And having said those things out loud to those women, it was much more fun because of that.

In conclusion... did I help? Or did I just tell you stories about the people I've fucked? I don't know. Hopefully, I helped. Or, hopefully, I at least gave you something to think about.

P.S. Everyone is awkward, you'll be okay, sweetheart!

#personal #asks #thoughts #tmi

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lqfiles · 3 days

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hiii thank u for your kind words :( yesterday i fell asleep hoping u would answer cause i really like reading ur responses so i fell asleep at like 2am and i have volleyball practice at 9AM on saturdays, so i was SO sleepy i put my alarm in the calculator 😐😐😐😐 not funny did not laugh, anyways R didn’t go to volleyball practice and hasn’t talked to J yet, she does speak to me so i guess me yelling at her didnf psis her off as much as i thought it would, M never texts in our gc 😒😒 but its okay we love her, A talks to me too, its just between J and R that things are kinda… tense.

aw thank u so much :( im sorry if i don’t know how to take compliments bc i dont personally think im cute, but hearing u say it so many times makes it easier for me to be confident about it 🫶🏻🫶🏻 so thanks! i do find you to be really cute (and VERY funny) too !!!

also 2 week long holiday??? THATS GREAT im really happy for you!! how are you doing w school? any test or projects you’re working on? i still don’t understand this whole college thing… is it something u do during junior and senior year? or after you graduate?

also jisung is my bf and all but chenji overrated asf imo… people will focus on popular ships and turn their head away from a duo like markmin… i personally really like jaemin and hyuck’s dynamic too but anyways o did vote for markmin !! at least lqfiles appreciates them 🙏🏻

ps why does everyone think yn and mark are having sex??? 🤔

- 🐣 anon again…

HELLOOO i’m so happy to see you’re active here omg i hope you’re studying tho, DONT SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON HERE

i’m sorry if my response was late i normally only reply when it’s 11 pm here because i post at 12 😣 i also never knew you did volleyball WTFFF that’s so cool, i wish i was talented in a sport.. i mean i can skate well but that isn’t rlly a sport. IM HAPPY THAT IT DOESNT SEEM TO BE TOO BAD WITH YOUR FRUENDS tho i hope those other two will come around and stop making things so awkward 😭

LOLLL i’m sorry if me calling you cute bothers you btw it’s just that i always awe at your messages so i instinctively call you cute </3 i’m so you tho because i truly don’t know how to take compliments either, i always get shy, especially when it’s irl lmao but thabk you for thinking i’m cute and funny IM VERY HAPPY RN!!!!:D

school is almost finishing and i just submitted my last coursework for the school year so rn my class is just kinda doing anything! idk about other colleges but since i go to college in the UK we don’t do junior stuff and all, instead we have levels and (level 1,2,3) and here you can apply based on how good your grades are (if they were really good you can immediately start in level 3, if not you start lower) i’m currently doing level 3 year 1 (level 3 has two years over here) but i’m still figuring out if i wanna do this next year or just apply for an apprenticeship (basically getting education while also getting work experience)

CHENJI ARE CUTE BUT SO OVERRATED LIKE they barely interact and if they do it’s so little (imo) i’m more of a markmin girl because of the way mark treats jaemin, like jaemin is the same age as 00 so he treats them like friends but with mark he literally becomes a baby and it’s so cute i fucking love it IM SUCH A HUGE MARKMINIST YOU DONT GET IT, ITS MY BRAND, i should do a dream pair ranking tbh. THANO YOU FOR VOTING MARKMIN i think they lost regardless because they went against chenji (WHICH ISNT FAIR….) i love a bit of nahyuck too, not my fave pair but they’re funny tgt!!

I WISH I LJEW WHY EVERYONE THINKS SO guys pls if they were i would insinuate it more but laughing around and her asking to hang and her directly saying they only kiss.. COME ON…

#asks.#from 🐣 anon #( pay the price )

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alicemitch09writes · 1 year

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can we have some samuyn (manager!yn) heartwarming moments? i don’t think we asked enough for their moments as best friends and it makes me saaaaaad !! i wanna see more of them T_T i quite liked their friendship a lot and was hoping to get more glimpse of their platonic love huhu

Y'know what, I've been reading Loving Yamada at lvl 9999, and the domesticity of it all just gave me so much feels. And also, it kinda fueled me to think of simple things that I find endearing. So...here ya go:

the first time the two did their late night eating? believe it or not, it was bff!reader's idea. she couldn't sleep, was probably induced by her period - as hormonal balance can cause insomnia, and so she texted osamu if he was up, he was. y'know what, they both had the idea to eat out, but bff!reader was a bit conflicted because there was a law about minors being out so late, but osamu knew the routes and the nearest convenience store, which is their frequent stop, is pretty much lenient and okay with letting them in.

as both of them cook, osamu is the one who constantly approaches bff!reader for recipes to cook - because she experiments quiet a lot. osamu is good at japanese dishes (surprise, suprise), whilst reader is good at japanese and her native dishes (again, whichever race, you, the reader, are :D).

post-incident, when osamu would have lunch with reader, she'd always make extras so she can give them to osamu. there are times where she can't finish her food, though. despite being a big eater, osamu would reprimand her to eat more.

at times, these two bffs would go grocery shopping together (especially if it was bff!reader's turn to cook dinner).

osamu is bff!reader's sort of assistant when she needs to carry heavy things around - like the ice box filled with drinks, practice bibs, etc. atsumu quickly filled in right after realizing the 'atonement' chapter.

these two have their dorky moments, especially with some commercial jingles that get easily stuck in bff!reader's head that she'd unconsciously sing it. osamu would make fun of her for it. at first, she'd be annoyed, but would laugh along after.

time to time, osamu would sing the latest jingle that bff!reader got in her head, and the two would break out laughing like idiots.

when the two went their separate ways for univeristy, osamu was extremely anxious and worried for his bff. although knowing that she's taking steps to heal emotionally, he's unsettled by the fact that he can't be physically there for her.

bff!reader would assure him though that she's fine.

bff!reader is the only person osamu trusted with about his first love. she's also the first to know about his plans to court her, first to meet her, and the first to hear that they had unprotected sex for the first time (he got an earful from her, after finding out they didn't use a condom lololol).

over time, osamu became like a protective brother over bff!reader. and rightfully, so!

whenever she comes home for the holidays, their little tradition of eating out late at night comes back. the store owner's still there and laughs at his little regulars all grown up now, jokingly telling them about curfew.

when osamu opened his first branch, best believe that bff!reader took a leave from work and traveled all the way to kobe. with rintarou with her, of course. when talked into expansion, the first place osamu opened was in hiroshima, where his best friend was. then osaka, for his brother.

time to time, osamu would check on bff!reader's family, especially uncle, who had a bad accident that permanently paralyzed his lower half of his body.

that's all i gots ;w; there's some snippets of their friendship in the drabbles and the smaus if that helps. aside from being my dream man irl, osamu is the kind of best friend i'd love to have irl ;w;

#alicemitch09 answers #bff osamu supremacy

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ghoullguy · 1 year

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(ED) so i was reading this one yoi fanfic and i have some complaints bc im a bitch like that

so in this fanfic, which im not gonna name bc god forbid the author sees this and shit starts, yuuri quit skating bc of an ed

now, i have an ed. ive had several actually, since i was 11. first it was bed, which led to ana, which i'd gone into recovery for by 16, after losing a shit ton of weight and muscle, which as a figure skater, affected my skating. i relied on muscle to power me through jumps, and once i lost all the weight and my muscle, it made it difficult for me. so, i recovered. then, at 17, i injured my hip and couldnt skate for a while. this completely ruined me. i was convinced that because i had to take off time to heal, i could never compete again. i was too old, and eventually, too fat to ever be anything in the skating world. i relapsed, and the past year and a half has been a constant cycle of starving, then binging and purging. eventually, it became full on bulimia. i had a month or so back in december where i ate normally and felt normally about it, but then it came back, starving instead of purging this time. needless to say, i am experienced with eating disorders and recovery from them.

this fanfiction portrays ana as a fear of food. that is absolute bullshit. talk to any anorexic, and you'll see that people w eds fucking LOVE food. its what drives us, its all we think about. its not the food itself we're "scared" of, its the weight and what that implies about us. for me, having done ballet and skating for my entire childhood, i felt pressure to be thin so i could deserve to be a skater and a danseur. if i wasnt thin, i felt like someone pretending to be those things. that, and i have to push myself to exhaustion to feel like i deserve to eat. it is NOT a fear of food. repeatedly throughout this fic, yuuri is shown being legitimately afraid of food, even crying while eating. that is the most cliche, unrealistic portrayal of eds, and it makes the fic much worse bc of it. its a little infuriating actually, bc it shows that whoever wrote this doesnt understand the experience of actual anorexics. and before you shit talk me, saying everyone has different experiences, i have several friends, both irl and online, who also have eds. none of us have ever acted like that. ever. go on any ed forum, and no one will say thats what having ana is like. its the way the media portrays eds, not the actual reality of having an ed.

then comes the recovery arc, though arc is a kind word for it. basically, phichit and yuuri have a talk, he eats three meals that same day, and the only struggles hes shown having is gaining three pounds. now, when you have an ed, three pounds feels like thirty. i can understand that part. however, yuuri just decides to recover, and never goes back on that decision, never is shown having anxiety abt recovering. he just... starts eating. that is absolutely NOT how recovery is. then, in a later scene, he and viktor are abt to have sex. despite his prior insecurity about gaining three lbs, he shows no hesitation in showing his body to viktor. then, the morning after, he (unprompted) starts talking abt wanting pancakes. do i even have to say that this is unrealistic??? does this author not realize that the first person someone w an ed worries abt after gaining weight is their partner??? especially asking for and talking abt such calorie dense food, anyone w an ed would be worried that their partner would see them as fat, or worse, assume they were faking their ed. so yuuri, who just entered recovery, just being fine w viktor seeing him with new weight, fine w him seeing him eat food that makes you fat is just so so so wrong. it feels like this author watched to the bone once and decided they knew everything abt eds.

so, in conclusion, if ur going to write a fic w eds as a prominent plot point/character feature, make it realistic. or, better yet, DONT FUCKING DO IT IF YOU DONT HAVE AN ED. DONT WRITE ABT AN ED YOU DONT HAVE. bc u will never understand the experience of living with it and through it. if you want to read my own fanfiction abt eds, my ao3 is linked in my bio and the work is for bungou stray dogs, its called None of Your Concern.

last but not least, if u feel the need to argue w me or be mean, the block button is a couple of clicks away. if you dont use it, i will <3

#yuri on ice fanfiction #fanfiction #tw ed #ghoull rants

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the-anemoi · 1 year

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I posted 4,643 times in 2022

That's 3,277 more posts than 2021!

201 posts created (4%)

4,442 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@when-wax-wings-melt

@mellawithapenguin

@onyxedskies

@melodyofthevoid

I tagged 4,639 of my posts in 2022

#reblog - 4,425 posts

#ask :0 - 110 posts

#rambles - 67 posts

#toh spoilers - 25 posts

#yeah - 25 posts

#oh - 21 posts

#yes - 21 posts

#omg - 20 posts

#this is amazing - 17 posts

#yes yes yes - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#and even if we do have a spat we wake up the next morning and apologize and give each other tips on things like fashion and school and

My Top Posts in 2022:

HIII

HELLO!!!! HOWS IT GOING

14 notes - Posted October 27, 2022

realized that my carrd in my bio wasn't updated... um...

name's zeph, welcome to my blog!

(zephyrean-tunes -> notusian-delights, i'm changing the names for each season!)

info down below on stuff :]

things about me!

♠ i go by whatever name is on my blog atm (but im cool w zeph if need be too!!), if you know my irl name do not say it i will cry

♣ she/they pronouns! in general i'm fine with any pronouns, but i'm most used to she/her and they/them makes me very happy. also!! i like more masculine titles!! sir my beloved

♥ minor. enough said

♦ hugeeee fantasy person. so far i like little thieves, priory of the orange tree, strange the dreamer, nevermoor, etc. give me book recommendations. i beg. especially if they're queer <3

please do...

♠ send me asks and pms! i can be kind of introverted but also talking to people is fun <3

[please!!! please actually tell me who you are before asking to pm. this is from an experience that made me VERY uncomfortable, so if you are asking from an anonymous account i WILL politely shut you down and then block you.]

♣ talk to me about my interests! you know hadestown?? i love you we are best friends actually

♥ spam like me. i know some people get annoyed by this- i think- but it makes my day i stg

♦ send me things like book recommendations, myths, poems- i will squeal in excitement

please don't...

♠ send anything deemed gory, nsfw, etc.

♣ expect much full on fanart/fanfic from me. i reblog a lot but i don't get very motivated for that sort of thing, i'm sorry

♥ like vvvv old things. like. from before i really started to get active. anything after that i'm chill with tho !

♦ interact at all if you're a bigot/xenophobic. including terfs, transphobes, homophobes, racists, anti-semites, etc. get off. i bite.

links!

♠ my updated carrd! https://theanemoi.carrd.co/#

♣ auriala based tumblr! auriala.tumblr.com oooo

tags!

♠ #my art for my art!

♣ #rambles for text posts!

♥ #reblog for anything i reblog!

♦ #my writing for anything i write!

See the full post

16 notes - Posted January 23, 2022

dream should face reveal like he's on the masked singer

17 notes - Posted October 2, 2022

okay but. hunters looking directly at who i presumeee is gonna be belos no one else is doing that

57 notes - Posted September 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

hi hi hi happy asexual awareness week! especially to those who don't feel they fit quite right

as in. the demisexuals, the greysexuals, those who are questioning asexuality or those who identify as it but still feel unsure anyways. those who are sex positive or sex neutral. those who are sex-repulsed, or those who worry that they think they're not really ace, maybe just allo and sex-repulsed. those who think they'll grow out of it, and those who worry if they'll still identify as asexual later. those who experience intrusive thoughts, those who have other factors play into their identity, those who end up worrying about it because of these factors.

it's okay not to feel confident. it's okay to worry. just think of right now, this week. you're valid. this week is for you, too.

3,899 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #o cool!

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knownhag · 2 years

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any uhhhhh tips on giving head to a guy? bi girl to bi girl? cuz sometimes I’m like irdk what to do w thishere dick whereas I know exactly where to hit when giving a girl head. and I’m w a guy rn and I can get the job done but he’s not gassing me up about it (the way he does about the rest of the sex) and it just makes me not wanna go down on him cuz I feel insecure. idk if I’m not good or if he’s just not into it idkkkkkkkk i never talk to my irl friends about sex so hi 👋

I’m like so insecure about my inability to give girls head lol my ex told me I was mid once we were basically broken up and I thought I would be worse at sucking dick but that was not the case. Lmao anyway

I would say that there’s different parts of the dick— the head, the shaft, and the balls lol and you can have variety when it comes to sucking the head versus the shaft. Guys have different preferences when it comes to balls but I love sucking balls and highly encourage it. You can also use your hands, so sucking the head while using your head to jerk him off at the same time or stroking his balls while you suck his dick.

Finding a rhythm in sex is not something that comes really naturally to me lol I really like being a generally passive partner in that regard but obv giving head involves rhythm. Just experiment with speed, as well as the intensity with which you’re sucking, you can have your mouth looser or tighter. You can move your head around (while making sure to avoid your teeth) so he can feel different angles in your mouth. You don’t need to deep throat, while I think it’s fun it’s def intense and doesn’t feel any better for the guy than regular sucking dick. It’s like the principle of it being hot to choke on a dick but regular head feels amazing so don’t make yourself uncomfortable trying to get as deep as possible. Im sure there’s plenty of stuff to read online too but this is my stoned two cents

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timextoxhajima · 3 years

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ALL FOR A TASTE IS BASED ON AN ACTUAL FWB??

i’m shooketh because i’m so conservative i never once considered fwb were real (i swear for some reason i always thought it only existed in fics/tv shows/etc) esp cuz sg in general is conservative too(?)

i read all for a taste and phew,,,,, that’s hot 🥵🥵 (also you can ignore this part if it’s uncomfy and too personal) but i noticed in the fic….. sunwoo just pulled out (…protection?) …. was that part real too or just for the sake of the fic? i’m asking because i’m a virgin and i really don’t know how these things work irl and i would rather die than ask my irls 😭 again pls ignore if it’s too personal because i know it’s weird to discuss your sex life on the internet 😅😅

-🥯

yes it's based on an actual fwb HAHAHHA but it's not 100% carbon copy

[dw i'm fine i don't really care about talking about my sex life tbh] [also back on desktop so no emojis ;-;]

HEY SURPRISE SURPRISE i also come from a conservative family HAHAH I'm just a bit of a wild child- like,,, both my parents are teachers and my sister's a nerd and I'm the one that's kinda rabz in school but a bit closet mugger? yeah you know that one kid-and actually you'd be surprised how many people our age in sg has done it/had an fwb/slept with their partners/hooked up w someone random. when i first stepped into this whole 'oh you're not longer a virgin' side of the story (cause, like you said, sg is still a conservative society and so once you lose it or u sleep w someone you kind of enter this side of society where you realise it's not all that uncommon) i was so surprised to realise that it's not that big of a deal?

LIKE OK NO IM NOT ENCOURAGING HAVING AN FWB BCAUSE IT WAS THE WORST FUCKING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE HE WAS AN ASSHOLE WHO, WHEN I FIRST STARTED TO IGNORE HIM FOR MULTIPLE REASONS, AND I SENT HIM A LONGASS ESSAY EXPLAINING WHY I THINK WE SHOULDN'T CONTINUE ANYMORE, HE REPLIED WITH A FUCKING FINANCIAL INVESTMENT IMAGE BEC HE'S A PART-TIME FINANCIAL ADVISOR FUCKING INSURANCE IDIOTS

but no! fwbs are a thing LMAO esp in hall also la like, it's just pretty common tbh. i also didn't know until i committed this sin too then when i told some of my closer friends they were like... and then?? ?? you think u special??? xx also sleep w xx udk meh

then i cuatio like HUH but ok ya AHAHHAHHA it's like an open book thing, if you don't look closely, you wouldn't know, but it's like always there.

don't mind me if this is tmi but like, ok the first time i slept w him we DID use a condom BUT we were both drunk and he had /issues/ LMAO so the condom was essentially gone to waste

the second and third time it happened (we only slept tgt like thrice and CAN U BELIEVE SOME OF MY FRIENDS DON'T THINK THAT'S ENOUGH TO BE CONSIDERED AN FWB LIKE////) we didn't use it :") because it was NOT FUCKING PLANNED.

granted this whole situ with him wasn't planned at all, like we didn't text each other and go hey do you wna be fwbs like no we slept tgt impromptu the first time bec we were drunk and the subsequent times because yk,

w covid a lot of things went online and his clique basically didn't stay hall, + he was the type to not talk to people and he kept his feelings to himself (he was struggling with a fresh breakup at that time, should've seen that red flag ngl, and he has family issues too) and so i was essentially his therapist and s*x doll into 1 and so it's just so shittily timed that whenever i go look for him to make sure he's okay and stuff,

yknow one thing leads to another and tada~ and yeah the subsequent two times we didn't use contraceptives because he told me he 'knew when to pull out', so like fine- and he did, so that wasn't an issue.

either way he's not my first sexual partner and i just wna say that while it's actually pretty hard to get pregnant if it's done with no protection, udk how many pregnancy scares i got throughout me 3-ish years of sexual activity? (I've had 1 boyfriend that i was sexually active with and 1 fwb)

I'm damn prone to stress and it fucks with my cycle, so it doesn't help when mid-cycle i slept with my bf (or in that specific case, my fwb) without contraceptives and it was a stressful time as well AND THEN MY PERIOD WAS LATE AND I PANICKED LMAOOOOOO

also love, don't be worried about being a virgin like, there's absolutely nothing worth being ashamed about. if anything, I'm kind of ashamed i had an fwb that used me more than treated me like an ACTUAL fwb, so- don't worry, love.

#tth.🥯anon #i think i talked too much WOOPS

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