alicemitch09writes

[alicemitch09writes]

I had a vision, so hear me out,

Ok so I hc that Aventurine would be a VERY light sleeper, even more so when there's someone else in the room. *Gestures vaguely to his backstory*

Insert "there was only 1 bed" scenario with Ratio. Aven has fully accepted that he's not getting any sleep. What he wasn't expecting was to fall asleep almost immediately and end up cuddling up to Ratio in his sleep.

Ratio on the other hand is just sitting there stuck(probably was reading before bed),  bc he dare not move and risk waking Aven up (same rules as to when your cat is sleeping on you, lets hope he doesn't need to pee anytime soon)

Anyways, that probably was the best sleep Aven had gotten in a long time.

aventurine is not only a light sleeper, hes also plagued with nightmares and often wakes several times a night. when hes sharing the bed w someone, he doesnt stay the night; so when he does end up sharing the bed w ratio for some reason hes certain he wont get much sleep - or have ratio ask questions bc the doctor is way too perceptive for his own good

a bit later and sleep finds aven easier than he thought - he got so used to ratios clean, nice scent from all the time they are together, it brings him sm comfort he wasnt even fully aware of it yet. in fact his entire presence brings him comfort so eventually he falls asleep, body curled up tight as if to protect himself still but seeking out ratios body to cuddle up to unknowingly (as if it knows ratio is "safe", safer than others, someone he can trust-)

meanwhile ratio (who had been reading yes) holds still, not daring to move. he doesnt rlly like touches much but with aventurine its different and seeing him curled up to his side, blanket wrapped like a soft shield around him for protection all the way up to his nose, soft hair falling over his face- he wants to touch him so bad; wrap his arms around him and inhale his scent, fill his lungs w him, carve every detail into his memory--

he doesnt though, not wanting to startle aventurine by suddenly touching him in such a state; instead he lets the other seek him out however he wants and when aventurine cuddles up closer and closer to him over the night, well, he cant help but melt into it

(aven does wake up once with a startle; the nightmares dont stop overnight after all)

[alicemitch09writes]

“I’m totally normal about this ship”

Dear reader, they were, in fact, not totally normal about this ship

[alicemitch09writes]

RIN CRIED WHEN HE DELETED THE... PICS....... OH THIS IS SOOOO SICKENING!!!!! WOW WOW WOW

lol i kid

but yeah, sucks having an unrequited love :"D

#alicemitch09 answers

[alicemitch09writes]

samu the bestest friend truly :(((( giving “you can do whatever makes u happy, i can fight” and we respect that. we love that. he deserves the world actually

i love him with my whole heart. you can tell that aside from being the mellow miya, he is so so pure ;w;

#alicemitch09 answers #this is a miya osamu appreciation blog

[alicemitch09writes]

suna was and still is very cute :((((( ive never been attached to a story as much as oli like..... are we kidding.... where is my suna actually :,)

*sigh* you and be both, anon.

i want MY suna (well, in this case IRL osamu or kuroo or hirugami or sakusa or iwaizumi pls pls pls pls PLS) :<

again, we have to pin the blame on zakki, for making this dork as lovable as he is.

and furudate, for giving him to us.

#alicemitch09 answers

[alicemitch09writes]

hi! im really curious about this and has been on my mind for quite some time but let’s say... WHAT EAAAAF! what if....... !!! okay, just a what if 😣 suna was given a push (someone more stubborn than him OR there was just an encounter that made him... go for it) and actually pursue reader during their high school days, how do you think that would come to be and also, how would their dynamic change then!? (because it’s not like.... reader isn’t open back then. in the kageyama route, she even was with him during their hs days period !!!!!!!) so i was just thinking how it would differ from oli ! again this is just all hypothetical and got me all curious huhu (as in let’s say they work out, we don’t care abt atsumu and i just know kita would b supportive that’s ong!!!!)

to be honest, it would not end well.

the only reason kageyama had a chance was because he had hinata, and he was a good wingman. reader was taken completely by surprise by the duo, more so by kageyama.

suna, on the other hand? oof.

more than anything, she would reject him in the nicest way possible. but that would STILL crush suna so bad. and if it affected his play, then reader would probably have to force herself to leave because she doesn't want to ruin volleyball for him. that, or suna would just be another atsumu. idk either would be a possibility.

for better or for worse, atsumu would take note of this and would approach reader to talk about it. it'll worsen the team dynamic entirely.

so no, suna would NOT pursue reader in high school.

plus, it would be (at least in my fic) out of character for him to want to engage with her romantically considering the fragile state she's in. that's kind of manipulative and she doesn't need that, having a deep trauma from her emotionally manipulative father already.

#alicemitch09 answers #outsider looking in drabble #ulma drabble #of sorts

[alicemitch09writes]

these newly uncovered facts abt sunayn just proves that suna is a simp 😭 we love that 4 them tho lmaooo

everyone's a simp when they're in love

#alicemitch09 answers

[alicemitch09writes]

also... bff!samu have always KNOWN?!!??!!¥}¥!¥!¥>!£!£!£ damn.... mf where’s the SUPPORT 😣 should’ve rooted for sunaaaaaa I HATE IT HERE 😐😭😭😭😭😭😭

well, i wouldn't say exactly that he's always known but more of an inkling.

still, he never acted upon it because he knew that suna's intentions for his best friend was pure, that he was doing all this because he knew how vulnerable she was at that time and badly needed a friend.

still, when he found out that they started dating, he became supportive of suna after bff!reader told her how she treated him. and honestly? that's all he ever wanted.

and before y'all say: "BUT HE'S ATSUMU'S BROTHER!?"

people, he KNOWS he's atsumu's brother, which is why he would rather that his best friend NOT end up with him.

but in the end, it was his best friend's choice and he'll support her either way.

had reader chosen other guys - aka, the routes, then osamu would still give his support. again: at the end of the day, the important thing is his best friend's happiness.

#alicemitch09 answers #outsider looking in drabble #osamu being best bff #we stan

[alicemitch09writes]

WHAT SUNARIN DELETED HIS PICS OF YN PRE REUNION??? NOOOO i was just going to ask :((( cos every time it was mentioned in ulma, he captured a lot of beautiful moments and i was thinking that that was honestly so GUT WRENCHJNGLY BEAUTIFUL OKAY??!£!£}!¥}¥¥ like :((((( i wanted oli!yn to see them :((( NAURRRRR RIN WHY YOU GOTTA BETRAY US LIKE THIS :’((((((((((((( so sAD

well, think of it this way: he thought he didn't have a chance with her EVER. and so, if he wants to start anew, he has to let go of certain things if he wants to move forward. "we don't things like memories" is inarizaki's motto after all.

you best believe that he spent A WHOLE night going through those photos and videos of her, lying in bed, face illuminated by his phone, a soft smile on his face with her face and voice on screen.

the very last photo he has of her was during graduation, right before the ceremony. she had a volleyball in hand, from one of the juniors, and looked up at the cherry blossom trees surrounding the school.

he swore she was heaven sent with that photo alone.

shakily exhaling, having reached his last photo, he clicks the home screen and clicks the 'erase all data' option. he cries when the process was done.

honestly, you can't blame rin.

i mean, i'd like to think that some guys react this way.

#alicemitch09 answers #outsider looking in drabble

[alicemitch09writes]

your account is literally a hidden gem 🥹🥹

#alicemitch09 answers #why are you out here making me soft #im supposed to be job hunting damn it!

[alicemitch09writes]

can i ask more about sunayn facts? more so, about suna and his feelings all throughout hs to their reunion. i love them both SO MUCHHHH

more than anything, suna felt really intimidated by reader's presence. not just because she was smart and all, but because of how much she was slowly growing on him. 'twas why he's protective of her and quick to join osamu for lunch.

as mentioned in the fic (i forgot huhu) suna swore to himself never to make a move on reader, because he did not want to take advantage of her considering the state that she was in.

so as much as he can, he was by her side. it was enough for him to be her friend, seeing as she needed it the most.

however, he will not lie and say that it kills him to have the person he wants the most but hold himself back because she doesn't need romance in her life right now.

right after punching atsumu, reader was a bit disappointed with him. suna's words to her, when she heard about it was, 'i'm not sorry'. it killed him to see her disappointed, but it killed him even more when she shook it off and treated his hand. since then, he's tried his hardest not to make her angry at him. he just couldn't bear it.

reader would nag him at times, especially during lunch when suna wasn't eating properly and would offer her share. it was really embarrassing on suna's part. so he tries to eat healthier, just to appease her, and because he'll break and osamu would definitely know that he's crushed on his best friend.

(osamu's always known, ever since he joined them for lunch)

when atsumu tried to make amends with reader, suna was the second to get apprehensive about it (osamu, being the first). this explains his animosity towards atsumu before his grand speech and before reader walked in the gym.

for reader's sake, he acted civil towards atsumu. sure, he'd antagonize him however he can, for good show. but deep inside, he HATED atsumu, for the way he hurt reader and made fun of her feelings.

as much as he could hate atsumu, he was also quite thankful to see reader's shell slowly crack thanks to the setter. with this, suna remembers where he stands.

when they reunited again, suna was pleasantly surprised by just how vibrant reader's become.

with that, he returned to his high school state of being protective over her in his suna way. komori would tease him, saying he's acting like a boyfriend, unaware that suna froze at that.

washio subtly gave him advice that reader seems happier now and suna should take the chance to be the reason she's happier now. heck, even their manager - murase-san, was all 'you two would look cute together!'.

while the team is from a paper manufacturing company, they have several sponsors. one of them, of which, is a supporter/fan of suna. so when he found out that suna and reader finally got together, he gifted him a car. to say suna was shocked was understatement, but the old man said he knows what it's like to be in love yadda yadda spiel and just wanted to support his favorite middle blocker.

when they finally dated, their relationship was kept private. because in japan, dating your coworkers would raise suspicion. however, the two keep it very professional. thankfully, everyone supports the two.

suna's hand position became a sort of trademark that kids would approach him, and mimic him. at times, they would approach reader.

if ever fans - especially the younger ones, would want to see suna, they first search for reader. this continues until the two are in the olympics team.

that's all it got. hehehe

#alicemitch09 writes #i just found out that ejp raijin is actually based in shizuoka what the hell #anwaz for the sake of my fic only lets pretend that ejp raijin is based in hokkaido #outsider looking in drabble

[alicemitch09writes]

yknow i was thinking abt ulma and oli and well.... suna is so observant and loved the reader all these years LIKEJDKDJD ITS SOOOOO UGHHHJDJDJD !!!!!!!! i just wanted to know whether or not he’s the type to Just Remember (aka stored in his brain) things abt reader or does he whip up his Notes App to jot down stuff abt her like a dork 😭😭😭😭😭😭

tbh, i think i kinda made him OOC? because he's quiet, deadpan, and sorta there, i kinda made use of that and interpreted it as someone who can be observant at the same time.

i mean, he is one of the best middle blockers (wtf is his statistics, furudate? FIX IT!!! HE'S ON PAR WITH MY OG MANS - KUROO AND HIRUGAMI, AT BEST!) so obviously, he can't have such shit observational skills.

now back to the question:

suna, at least to me, seems to take note of everything and remembers the bare minimum.

however, when it came to reader, he just remembers things in perfect clarity.

a few months after their freshmen year, he noticed that reader no longer had her hair in low pigtails. he never asked, but he just thought that it was such a cliche hairstyle.

when asano joined and began styling reader's hair, suna's eyes would immediately dart to their direction, mesmerized by the transformation. there are some hairstyles reader's donned care of her junior, but suna would always like the pigtails the most

he knows she has motion sickness, so he volunteers to sit next to her right after the seniors graduated. when he can, he stores candies in his pocket to give to her. he never lets her sit by the window and makes sure that the curtains are drawn when she's about to sleep.

it wasn't written, but i was planning on a scene where the second years visited kita's farm and they met their dog. reader has a slight fear of dogs. suna finds this fear a little cute, until she shared why she's scared of them still.

so whenever they walk around and suna hears some barking, he walks by or in front of her to act as her shield. when they dated, he helped her get over her fear of them.

it was mentioned way back, but reader mentioned that she has to buy chunky kitkat for her little brother whenever the second years stopped by a convenience store. he asked if she liked them, to which she replied "i would be lying if i said i didn't". during valentine's, he bought one and planned to give it to her but would always be so shy and insecure that he ended up NEVER giving them.

on their first valentine's as a couple, he shyly handed over the kitkat to her. he keeps doing this even after they get married (hehe)

everything about reader, he stores in his brain.

at random, while he was trying to study, or, actually take down notes (cue gasp) he'd write down stuff that she did. for example, during practice she was humming a jingle, so he wrote down 'sing', or she was talking about oranges with one of her seniors, so he wrote 'oranges' with a badly doodle of her wearing those orange hats.

however, when no one was looking (and there was a snippet of this when she had a laughing fit with osamu), suna would take stolen shots of her. not in a creepy way! just her at her most natural - taking to the coaches, sitting by the benches, writing down on her notes, looking out the window during a bus ride. he practically has a folder of them. however, once he graduated and upgraded his phone, he deleted all the photos, wanting to forget his stupid little crush.

through his first years in EJP Raijin, it was a bit of relief to be free and slowly forget about his crush. sadly, little things would remind him of her: sunflowers, lemon slices, pigtails.

one time, while he was doing groceries, he happened the produce area and sort of froze, remembering that one summer he did a group study with osamu and the rest. without thinking, he purchased a bag of rice, even though he still had some at home.

the rice went to use, because a week later, she was introduced as the intern manager. during break, he awkwardly offered the rice. though surprised, she just laughed it off and accepted it.

the thing with suna, at least for me, is that he remembers. if you're someone special to him, you have a special place in his heart and a library of memories. not only on his mind, but also physically.

when reader moved in with him, it was mentioned in the last part of OLI that they have lots of photos - either of them, with family or friends.

#alicemitch09 writes #i forgot the tags for these ;w; #ive been playing HSR too much ;A; #outsider looking in drabble

[alicemitch09writes]

hi! i just wanted to drop by to say how... awed i am by the fact that you basically wrote an entire novel (ulma) and that i just reread it because im not having a good time nekdjdkd it’s such a comfort fic to me (IM NOT EVEN AN ATSUMU GIRLIE LIKE........ I NEED U TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS THE POWER U HOLD OKAY??????) i hope you’re doing well always. i’m very grateful i stumbled across your work during my internship. i hope you know this always.

thank you so much for your kind words, sweetpea~

it's been years (like, two?) since i finished ulma and i have some fics in the works, but i fear i'll never have that spark i once had when writing those. actually, before ulma i had this other fic titled 'complications of the heart' which is an oikawa fic, except it's with an OC of mine. writing those two fics really mean a lot to me, because they were written with personal experiences from myself and the people around me. and with my upcoming fics, i feel i'll never have the same feeling again :<

regardless, i'm so happy that my fic continues to live on and make a great many cry :D

#alicemitch09 answers #fic talks

[alicemitch09writes]

sooooo

i promise i'm still working on my fics, i haven't abandoned them and i wanna write some new ones (esp bc i'm heavily inspired by my ships and HSR ehehehehe)

it's just that right now, i'm busy looking for work. i might even consider going full freelance at this point (which is something i've always wanted to do since i was in uni)

but yeah

anwaz, my inbox is free if you guys wanna catch up or something ;)

#alicemitch09 talks #life update

[alicemitch09writes]

"are you free later?"

nagi stands sluggishly by the side of your desk, looking at you with those drowsy eyes that might just shut down anytime.

"yeah, i am. what's up?"

nagi tilts his head, closing his eyes as he tries to remember the words he had practiced seconds ago to say to you.

"i want to confess later." he said all so casually.

"what?!"

"i'm confessing later, why? can't you go?" he repeats, he looks at you owlishly waiting for an answer.

"oh, nagi.." a fond look paints on your face as you pointed out. "you just confessed."

"no, i haven't?"

you try to stifle a laugh. "you just did."

"but i didn't, i haven't told you about how i feel, yet."

he tilts his head at you. for someone who thinks everything is a hassle, he really does have a lot to say right now and you think this is the most words you've heard that has ever left his lips.

"and you just did, again."

"oh, sorry," he looks at his feet and shifts his weight onto the other, his ears noticeably red on its tips. "...so are you still free, though?"

you can't help, but break out of a smile. "yes."

"okay, thanks. don't be late, wait for me on the field, watch me okay?" he stumbles over his words as he walks slowly out the room backwards facing you, embarrassment engulfing him wholly.

you only nod at him, "i will, don't worry."

"'kay, i'll see you later?" he asks once more, just to be sure.

"yup, now go. i think someone's waiting for you?" a lock of purple peeks by the doorway of your classroom, but quickly disappears as soon as you mentioned it.

"yeah, uhm bye y/n." he says before leaving the room.

"oh my god nagi, what was that?"

"i confessed."

reo can only sigh in exasperation, shaking his head in disappointment, but really it all worked well right? so what else can he do? what's done is done.

"that's—" reo sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose momentarily in contempt. "fine, okay it's good enough."

"what do i say, when i confess later, though?"

"oh my god."

◞♡ surprise surprise a n*gi drabble,, ik he's ooc but who cares :> likes & reblogs are highly appreciated !

[alicemitch09writes]

hey! i just wanted to drop by to ramble? about the ending of rewrite the stars!!! im glad there's a bitter but sweet ending! (bittersweet in regards to the other universes where megumi doesn't get to meet our seer!mc) at least our sweet couple get to cherish each other in the current universe. probably was worth it to him lol (－ω－) Also i love love love the last line "Alright, maybe they’ll give them a few more lifetimes of happiness"-- such a cheeky ending line hehe ^•ﻌ•^ฅ♡

hihihihihihihihi (•̀⩊•́)

thanks so much for the read, sweetpea~

actually, i let my friend read the excerpt of the fic before it was fleshed out. she was absolutely horrified and told me how evil i was. in the original draft, there was only ONE lifetime where reader and megumi met, fell in love, and were granted a happy ending. in the other one, she died. FOREVER. soooo, that's two lifetimes they've met.

this all began with me, thinking, that there are billion of us in this world, a good chunk of that knows jjk and got into the fanfiction side and decided to make their own stories, hence, the many ocs. so i thought, "huh, so reader (she's actually an oc, but im too shy to let you guys know about her hehe) is just one of many, huh"

kinda trippy of a thought, but yeah.

the one who said that line though is me, because i begrudgingly gave them a happy ending (ONE GEGE SEEMS FCKING ALLERGIC TO). however, like she said, 'a few more lifetimes of happiness'.

soooo, it's about 50-30-20. 50% chances, they NEVER met, 30% chances they do meet, but something horrible happens to her, and 20% they meet, something horrible happens, but they still get their happy ending. not really a good percentage, but it's something.

#alicemitch09 talks #fic talks #ehehehe

[alicemitch09writes]

COWARD

summary: when sae’s inconsistent attitude actually starts to drive you away, he’s forced to face his fears in order to not lose you.

warnings: kinda toxic but a little is good for the soul, sae is an asshole who doesn’t acknowledge his feelings, good ending bc only evil ppl write angst no comfort

A/N: i write fluff but surprise ! the only shit i’ve experienced is this stuff but with no cute feelings 💀i think this is the longest shit ive ever written like damn.. can u tell im experienced.

itoshi sae, for the longest time you’ve known him, is a coward.

when you tell him that, he always gets pissed off, ignoring you for a day or two before inevitably texting you again, because “he’s the only person you should be talking to,” or whatever bullshit he claims.

he’s a fucking asshole too— calling you late at night because he can’t sleep or kissing you up at the many parties he drags you to because he was bored. that shit was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to your complicated relationship.

it’s not long before your phone lights up suddenly, the bright screen glowing 7:28 pm with a familiar notification under it.

sae : im omw in 20

sae : im taking my sweet fuckin time since ik you take forever

all you do is roll your eyes at his message. he was acting like he was the considerate one waiting, when he told you last minute that he needed you for another one of his networking parties.

you : youre the one all over me when i get dressed up

sae : yea? so what? my point still stands

sae : im the only reason you should be getting all pretty for anyway

you hate how his words still get you riled up, despite the fact that you aren’t his. not officially anyway. you hate how he makes you feel like the only one in the world before going to mess with other girls.

there’s a small part of you that holds onto the fact that he really does like you, that he’s too stupid and afraid of his own feelings for you. the festering thought of how maybe, just maybe, that when he kisses you half drunk, it’s his messed up way of saying: i like you!

but you know it’s not true when you see his millionth scandal about being caught with another model, or how he lets his fan girls swarm him after his games instead of coming to you directly. it was fucking embarrassing how you were so madly in love with a guy who didn’t give two shits about you.

so you hold onto this horrible exchange, where you’re his girl when he feels like it, where the boundaries between lovers and strangers didn’t exist.

you : ur funny. u alr know that isnt true

sae : stfu

sae: ill srsly block you. quit talking to that new guy hes fucking ugly

sae hates it when you mess with him, when you call him a coward, when you ignore his texts and calls because you’re with a new guy.

he hates all of it, but clings onto you so desperately because you’re his.

when he sees that you leave his message on read, he only sighs before finally putting his car into ignition. he’d never admit that he was sitting in his car doing nothing but texting you because he wanted to give you extra time, since he did ask you very last second.

sae doesn’t realize how tight his grip is on the wheel or how he’s gradually speeding up at the thought of seeing you. he always ignores the knots in his stomach when he’s with you because truthfully, it’s daunting.

he knows that you’re right when you call him a coward, even though you never explicitly state the reasoning behind it. he knows that he likes you, more than anything actually, and he knows that he doesn’t want anyone but you.

nothing else crosses his mind except you when he’s talking to models who only want his money and fame. when he catches the disappointed look on your face from the field as his fans flock him for pictures, he sighs in relief at your hurt expression.

it’s so fucked up, he’s aware, that he takes comfort in the fact that you wanted his attention as much as he wanted yours. but he can’t bring himself to tell you the truth.

if everything was okay the way it was now, there was no need to change it, right?

“you look pretty tonight.”

you open your door to a tall figure standing over you. sae never particularly dresses up for anything, opting for just another blazer in his closet. but on his stature, everything always ends up looking expensive.

the boy eyes the unlocked phone in your hand thats open on messages. he squints his eyes in annoyance.

“don’t tell me you were fucking texting him after leaving me on read.”

“it’s our conversation dumbass. i was doing my makeup.”

“why do you have me labelled as just ‘sae’?” the boy grabs your wrist and holds your phone up to his frowning face. “change that shit right now.”

“what, to ‘side bitch’?” you hum. “that doesn’t sound too bad, actually.”

“ha ha, very funny,” sae glares at you. “just change it tonight.”

you only shrug your shoulder before shuffling past him into the front seat of his car. sae stares at you before sighing.

he knows you won’t.

you’re hoping that sae gets swept up by press or sponsors that want to endorse him tonight. there was already a growing mob around him and it wasn’t long before you completely slipped away.

the chattering of the crowds did little to block out the thoughts plaguing your mind as you move to pour yourself another drink. it was always the same thing happening at these events. sae brings you as his manager, his coach, hell, he even posed an injury once to have you accompany him as a physical therapist, before completely abandoning you to network. you aren’t sure why you’re even there in the first place.

then sometimes, he’ll find you and drag you to the bathrooms just to make out with you. and after a couple minutes or so, he immediately goes back to the party.

the first time this has happened, your mind blanked and all you could think to do was kiss him back. once the third and fourth time rolled around, you began to think about it a little more. maybe you shouldn’t have been kissing your famous athlete friend who’d most definitely get into huge trouble if this was found out. yet still, you continued to kiss him, in hopes that maybe once, he’ll stay. he never does.

so you decide for tonight that it wouldn’t happen again, that tonight you would sneak out before he could find you and call an uber home.

“you alright?”

your thoughts are interrupted by another boy’s voice and you look up to meet familiar pink eyes. you can only faintly recall where you know him from, before you realize he’s another athlete sae had played with.

the boy seems to notice your confusion before smiling and wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

“shidou. you alright pretty?” his blonde hair falls close to your face as he leans closer and closer to you. “looks like you’re gonna vomit or somethin’.”

your head spins from his touch and cologne. bubblegum, an odd choice for a man.

“i.. was planning to leave. i don’t have any business being here.”

shidou tilts his head, his piercing stare going through you, like he was looking behind.

“wanna get outta here then?”

when your hand slips out of his, sae immediately notices. but with people surrounding him and cameras flashing, there’s nothing sae can do about it. he’ll just have to look for you later, like always.

sae can only bring himself to kiss you when he’s exhausted from others and tipsy from the surplus of drinks he’s had to manage the crowds. it’s not like him at all when he finally finds you and drags you to the bathroom to kiss.

it’s the only time he can be direct with how he feels. when he crashes his face into yours, he can only pray that you don’t feel his hold on you tightening. he’s not sure how to feel when you let him kiss you but he doesn’t ever bring it up. once he’s done, he always runs away.

he’s a coward and he hates it.

but when his gaze finally falls onto you and there’s another man, let alone his friend, wrapped around you, the little constraint he had left died. sae only stares, the usual knot in his stomach growing bigger and twisting tighter. when shidou finally looks up from behind your shoulder to meet sae’s eyes, he already knows what the blonde is telling him.

‘stop being a fucking coward before you regret it.’

the moment you begin to get up with shidou, he books it towards you, ignoring the clamor behind him.

when sae finally makes it outside, he sees your lone figure sitting on the bottom few stairs from the entrance. the slight realization that you’re shivering sends him running towards you to drape his blazer over your shoulder.

“..shidou? i thought you-,” when you’re met with green eyes instead, your voice betrays you.

“where.. where did shidou go?” he’s out of breath, not really from running, but from fear. he’s afraid of what you’ll say.

“um.. he said he had to go back inside after calling an uber for me,” you can’t bring yourself to look sae in the eyes. “he’s still there. if you’re looking for him.”

sae widens his eyes.

“an uber? where are you going? the event isn’t-,”

“don’t be fucking stupid sae.”

when you finally turn to look at him, there’s tears welling up.

“i’m not some.. emotional support doll you can bring around whenever you want,” he feels a lump in his throat when your words are broken up with small hiccups and sniffling. “don’t fucking kiss me if you don’t mean it.”

now there’s full tears running down your face but he doesn’t know if they’re from anger or hurt.

“i.. don’t want to do this shit anymore sae. if you’re using me, just tell me. i can’t take it any longer.”

you drop your head into your knees and your tears begin to stain his blazer. an uncomfortably long silence hangs in the air and your heart feels like it’s been ripped out.

a hand is placed on your head after a while, stroking your hair softly.

“..sorry.”

you furrow your brows at his one word response after what had felt like ages of waiting.

“so that’s it, huh? you’re apologizing for using me?”

he winces at your harsh tone but by the way you’re still curled in your position, he takes it as incentive that you’re only hurt.

“n..no. i’m sorry for,” he pauses and stares at the sky for a bit, an attempt to ease the nauseating feeling bubbling in his chest. “i’m sorry for being an idiot. and an asshole.”

you don’t say anything or move, so he continues.

“i was so afraid, you don’t even know. afraid of shit changing if i said anything, afraid that you’d be grossed out if i was being genuine, afraid…,” he closes his eyes. “afraid of not being enough. for you.”

his hand was still stroking your head.

“i’ll admit it: i’m a coward. but then i’ll also have to admit that i’m in love with you and only you. there’s nothing else to that.”

you finally lift your head slightly and look at him, though only your puffy eyes were visible. his gaze softens and he moves his hand to caress your face.

“i’m sorry for making you feel like shit, for running away when i dragged you in. but.. please give me a second try. as your..” he hesitates. “as your boyfriend.”

the two of you stare at each other for what felt like ages before you pull your phone out. his heart sinks at your lack of response until he notices you opening his contact.

“sae, parentheses, boyfriend,” you look away from him, feeling slightly embarrassed. “is.. that okay?”

the knot that has been in his stomach for months finally cut and sae could feel himself breathing normally again.

“a heart. add a heart after it.”

“you have to earn that first.”

he scoffs a little but ruffles your hair.

“yeah, okay, fine. are you still leaving?”

you squint at the road to see a small light getting brighter and nod your head.

“i don’t really belong there anyway. don’t tell me you’ll miss me?” sae rolls his eyes at your usual teasing, though he’s glad you’re back.

“yeah, what’s it to you?” he turns his head back to the door and sighs when your ride pulls to the sidewalk. “i still have to go back but.. i’ll come by after.”

you nod your head and stand up, his blazer still wrapped around you. he’s turning back to the entrance but doesn’t go in until he watches you get into the car.

“and block that stupid dude you’ve been texting!”

you only roll your eyes and pull up the window as the car begins to drive off. he stands for a while, staring into the dark of where your car drove off before finally opening the door.

despite you not being there, sae finally felt okay. to know that you were there at home waiting for him rather than avoiding him while being in the same room, maybe he didn’t need to drag you to every single one of his events.

he clicks his tongue in annoyance once he’s met again with press and sponsors in the building. his phone buzzes once and he quickly pulls it out, in hopes of seeing your name.

y/n : hurry up ok?? and don’t go kissing another girl just bc im not there!!

he can only suppress a small chuckle at your whining, though a part of him swells with pride at the thought of you being a tad bit jealous.

on second thought, maybe he did need to bring you everywhere.