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elodieunderglass · 1 year

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the first chapter of Moby Dick rewritten in tiresome modern idiom

CHAPTER 1. Loomings.

Call me Ishmael. Some years ago - it's none of your business how many - being mostly broke, and bored with the land part of the world, I thought I would sail around a little and look at the watery part of the world. I'm probably the most mentally healthy person you know. Whenever I feel my face getting grim; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself accidentally reading the ads in the window of funeral homes, and following funeral processions through traffic; and especially when I'm hangry, and only my extremely strong moral principles stop me from deliberately going out in public and methodically slapping people's earbuds out - then I know it's high time to get to sea, ASAP. This is my substitute for getting in fights. I'm too mentally healthy to kill myself; I quietly and considerately put myself on a ship and sail myself away instead. There is nothing surprising in this. Everyone feels exactly the same way, and if they don't, they're lying.

You think I'm lying? Exhibit A: a city. Go to your local coastal city. Everyone is looking at the water. They drive over from other neighborhoods just to come to the water. They make a day of it. They're not doing anything, they're just staring at the ocean. Why? Is it because they all work office jobs? No! Here come more of them! They cram themselves up to the edge of the water and stare at it. WHAT DO THEY WANT? WHAT ARE THEY LOOKING AT. Perhaps the ships themselves all packed together, each one with several compasses on it, creates some kind of critical mass - all of the small compass-magnets on all the ships in the harbor combining into one really big magnetic field - and the people get sucked into the field and trapped there. That's science.

Exhibit 2: the countryside with lakes in it. Every path you follow in the countryside brings you to some water, such as a stream. There is magic in it. If you take your standard fool with ADHD dissociating in the middle of a supermarket and put them outside and give them a shove, they'll automatically lead you to water (if there is any nearby) (try it). Another good experiment to try is to get lost in the great American desert in a caravan supplied with a metaphysical professor! Try it in the great American desert at home!

Yes, as everyone knows, meditation and water are a match made in heaven. Married forever. That's science.

Here's an artist who wants to paint you the dreamiest, most enchanting landscape. What does he put in it? Trees, meadow, cows, a cottage with smoke coming from the chimney, obviously. He will probably put a path in it and make lots of triangular mountains in rows and have them be different shades of blue (naturally.) But there's gotta be a stream in it. Go visit the prairies in June, and wade for forty miles through knee-deep through tiger lilies. What's missing from this picture? Water!

If Niagara Falls was made of sand instead of water, would you travel your thousand miles to see it? Why would a guy given a handful of cash have trouble deciding whether to buy a coat (which he needed) or go to the beach? Why are all the best, healthiest, sexiest and most mentally healthy people obsessed with the sea? (You get me.) When you were first on a boat, did you not succumb to VIBES? Consider ancient Persia. Consider ancient Greece. They understood about vibes, and also gods.

SURELY ALL OF THIS IS NOT WITHOUT MEANING.

And still deeper the meaning of that story of Narcissus, who because he could not grasp the tormenting, mild image he saw in the fountain, plunged into it and was drowned. But that same image, we ourselves see in all rivers and oceans. It is the image of the ungraspable phantom of life; and this is the key to it all! You get me! You understand it now.

Now, when I say that I am in the habit of going to sea whenever I get weird, don't you dare imply that I buy a ticket and get on a boat. I have never had money in my life. How dare you. Anyway I don't go as a passenger - that's bougie, and something boring people do. Passengers never have a good time. And although my C.V. is incredible - I go to sea SO MUCH, you guys, I have lots of experience - I don't go as a boss, or a cook. That sounds like far too much work. Hard work. Disgusting, respectable, bougie, and far too responsible. I can literally only look after myself. Do not ask me to look after ships or shit. In fact, I have only a vague idea of what a ship is. There's so many different kinds of ships - don't get me started and DO NOT GET INVOLVED. Also, I'm allergic to glory.

It's kind of attractive to go as a cook. I mean, I'm allergic to glory and there's some glory attached to the position of the ship's cook, but, like, you're not management-track and so it's still credible. But I don't really want to cook (say) roast chicken. I really fucking love to eat roast chicken. I'm one of the best at doing it actually. I really appreciate when people go out of their way to butter, season, baste and roast a chicken for me. Picture a roast chicken and I am Looking Respectfully at it. Maybe something more, maybe I'm worshipping it. Don't make this weird. If you want to get weird about my relationship with roasted chicken, why aren't you getting weird about the ancient Egyptians? They ate roasted hippos (look it up) and the pyramids were basically pizza ovens. So it's pretty hypocritical to think that I'm being weird about roasted chicken when I've never made mummies out of chickens or built a religious pizza oven dedicated to honoring them: check and mate, haters.

Anyway - I like to go to sea as a manual laborer. A simple sailor. Salt of the earth… er… sea. Yeah, true: as a job it sucks. They make you jump around, order you around, treat you like shit. They expect you to jump around the boat like a grasshopper. And yes, at first, this sucks. It's degrading, especially if you come from a middle-class family. Worse, it's awful if you've already had some kind of professional job before signing on to be the dirt on the boss's boots - like, if you went to college and worked as a teacher and actually got kids to pay attention to you, really feeling this connection to work/teaching/identity or some shit, and now you are just literally the scum on this captain's boots, in the lowest possible job in the world. It hurts! It hurts your dignity. But the hurt, and also the dignity, both wear off in time.

So what if some old bastard sea captain orders me - ME! - to get a broom and sweep down the decks? What does that indignity amount to, compared to the shit in the Bible, compared to the shit in the news, compared to the shit everyone else has to take. Do you think the archangel Gabriel thinks anything the less of me, because I promptly and respectfully obey that old hunks in that particular instance? Who ain’t a slave? Tell me that. We're all just serfs under capitalism, right, so why not just be honest about it: I prefer the honesty. Anyway, however the old sea captains may order me about - slapping and punching of course - I have the satisfaction of knowing that it's the same experience everyone else on Earth has, but more honest. Everyone else in the world is being served the exact same way. Either in a physical or a metaphysical way - sometimes people get the shit beaten out of them in person, sometimes online, sometimes emotionally, it happens to you in EVERY JOB, you sign on to get pushed around and slapped in the teeth: so the point is that when you're a sailor, it's a clean and honest slap. All the workers of the world share the same universal slap to the face that gets passed round, one slap passed all 'round the chain, like paying it forward, but it's a slap; and we should all accept this Universal Slap as the price of living, and then offer each other healing back massages, brother to brother, and slap each other and then kissed the places we slapped, and be happy.

I could examine that but I'm not going to.

Anyway: I always go to sea as a sailor. I've said that already. You're welcome. BUT THE POINT IS, they pay you. If you're a passenger, they don't pay you, at least, not that I've ever heard of [citation needed] (do they pay passengers?? Is there a job I can get where I can be a passenger and get paid?? Look this up.) Yeah so passengers have to pay. And there is all the difference in the world between paying and being paid. The act of paying is perhaps the most uncomfortable infliction that the two orchard thieves entailed upon us. (That's Adam and Eve. You get it.) But BEING PAID. GETTING PAID IS THE BEST. NOTHING COMPARES TO GETTING PAID. EVERYONE LOVES THAT SHIT. Which is surprising, since we also apparently believe that money is the root of all evil, and isn't there something in the bible about "no rich people can get into heaven," right? And yet it's universal, literally everyone loves payday. Ah! How cheerfully we send ourselves to hell.

Finally, I always go to sea as a sailor (I've said this already) because it's FRESH AIR AND EXERCISE. Okay so think about ships. Normally, bosses stand on the "bridge" thing, and because we're sailing a boat, the nose is going into the wind and the butt part of the boat is at the back. That's how wind works. But if you think about it, winds usually go in one direction more than other directions (unless the men have been eating beans and farting: it's Pythagoras, look it up) SO if you're a boss standing on the boss-deck, the wind is blowing FROM the sailors TOWARDS you, and YOU ARE ACTUALLY BREATHING THE AIR THAT SAILORS ALREADY BREATHED. The boss THINKS he breathes it first, but he doesn't. He gets the air at the BACK of the boat and sailors get the air at the FRONT. So it's better to be at the front of the boat (sailor) for health reasons. This is a metaphor for life and work, etc.

But I have smelled the sea lots of times as a paid sailor and WHY I should decide to go on a whaling expedition - ok so you know how there's an invisible police officer of the Fates who has me under constant surveillance, who secretly dogs me, and influences me in some unaccountable way? YOU get me. You know him. "The poor FBI agent tasked with reading my search engine history" YOU GET ME. Anyway, "Ishmael, why, after having a perfectly well-reasoned, and very smart of you, part-time job as a spontaneous random sailor, did you decide to escalate that to joining a WHALING EXPEDITION, which is worse in every way?" Well, ask my fucking secret FBI agent, he can answer better than anyone else. Including me. You get me. Also, obviously, this was predestined, part of the Universe's Grand Programme for its talent show, which was all scheduled way before our time. The concept of sending me on the whaling voyage comes in as a kind of interlude or solo between the main performances of the Universe's great talent show. I bet it was advertised llike,

"PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION OF THE UNITED STATES EMBROILED IN ONGOING LEGAL DISPUTE.

Whaling voyage by some guy called Ishmael.

BLOODY BATTLE IN AFGHANISTAN."

Like a commercial break in between the big acts. A filler episode. Lightens the load for everyone else. Though I can't explain why the stage managers - the Fates - chose such a shitty role for me, a WHALING VOYAGE of all things, when it feels like others were given magnificent parts in high tragedies, and short and easy parts in genteel comedies, and jolly parts in farces - it seems a little unreasonable at first. Why doth Ishmael get shat upon, etc. But then I think about all the circumstances, the plot points and motivations that were cunningly presented to me under various disguises - FBI agents, bouts of random hanger, gay awakenings, you get me - and you can see that actually, I was set up. And worse, between them all, these Fates and Circumstances conspired to make me believe it was all my own choice and good judgment. Is Free Will an illusion? Are my decisions bad? We will NEVER know because I, Ishmael, am just a little guy that the Universe plays head games with.

One of the ways the Universe tricked me into starring in this performance and then mocking me for it was the overwhelming idea of the great whale himself (whaling expeditions usually contain whales.) Such a portentous and mysterious monster roused all my curiosity. Then of course, if you have a whale, you have the wild and distant seas where the whale rolls around with his body-the-size-of-an-island; the dangers and nameless perils of the whale; whales are also found in interesting places I haven't seen; this all tipped me over the edge. Maybe normal people could've resisted, but I am tormented with an everlasting itch for obscurity. I hate everyone else's oceans. I want the forbidden seas.

You know The Horrors? Of course you do. You might be surprised that I, the most mentally healthy person you've ever met, a person who is self-aware enough to go to sea when they're at their fucking limits, a guy who likes fresh air and manual labor and normal things, is familiar with The Horrors. Well, you'd be surprised. I know what's good, I'm an extrovert. But I'm still quick to perceive The Horrors. And how I deal with the horrors is a very extroverted thing: I'm social with them, if they'll let me. It's smart to be on good terms with The Horrors. You should always be on good terms with your permanent neighbors. That's how extroverts deal with The Horrors, and I recommend it.

I think that's enough explanation for why I welcomed the whaling voyage. The great flood-gates of the wonder-world swung open, and in the wild figments of imagination that pushed me into doing it, the whales came marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah. They marched into my innermost soul in endless processions and occupied it, you see, I was quite helpless under this occupation - I consented to the haunting and the whales marched in to haunt me - and amidst them all was one grand shrouded white phantom, like a snowy mountain in the air.

You get it.

You know how it is, with whales.

(read the actual first chapter of Moby Dick here: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/2701/2701-h/2701-h.htm)

#mody bick

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lionheartedmusings · 5 months

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i will never not be endlessly fascinated with pomme and q!bad's dynamic, especially now after the egg disappearance, purgatory, and returning to the island.

because pomme's adoption wasn't this huge emotional moment or him stepping in for someone who wasn't there, their bond was built out of time and care and love, to the point that it was just the next natural step in their relationship. even after that, it took a while for pomme to call q!bad dad because she was nervous and wanted it to be at the right time -- q!bad was aware of it too, because when she did call him dad for the first time he melted, took a photo of the sign, and made it not a big deal per se but acknowledged that it was a meaningful moment between them. then they moved on and kept going as usual.

their time together is cherished and not an afterthought -- yes, when her french parents are on pomme will always do the rounds with them! of course, she wants to spend time with them! q!bad's time with her is after, and they both know that in an inherently healthy and comforting way. it's their schedule, and even if she's with q!bad and one of her other parents log on off stream she'll go to hang out and q!bad only *once* interrupted that time, and it was to ask for her opinion on footage when he thought someone was in his house.

pomme is also both a mini-bad in a lot of ways inherently, and his absolute antithesis. they both share vicious anger when those they love are endangered, are fiercely protective and paranoid, are planners and worries to a fault... i don't think pomme would be surprised to hear what her dad did in purgatory at all, even if it would make her sad. that's where they're not similar at all: pomme is vengeful too, don't get me wrong, she's an eye for an eye girlie *but* she has a level of restraint that q!bad doesn't, and a moral compass that actually sees right and wrong vs. something i care about and something i don't. q!bad has been anchored by pomme before, brought to heel so to speak, in a way that needed no convincing because there's a level of trust there that's inherent.

and yet pomme knows and q!bad has acknowledged that dapper is his priority -- not in terms of love, never that, but still a priority. and that's just okay. pomme knows she's loved, she knows her dad adores her and she also knows that she has other parents that love her whereas ultimately dapper doesn't. she knows her mom q!baghera would prioritise her, and so would q!antoine, and q!aypierre, and q!etoiles -- it's okay that q!bad doesn't because he's looking out for her brother and she loves her brother more than anything.

the one thing that's interesting to me about their dynamic is the fact that pomme is loud and proud about being q!bad's daughter and has expressed frustration that people don't know / acknowledge her as his kid, but q!bad is almost reluctant to say she's his more often than not.

i can count on one hand the times he's corrected someone when they mention only dapper, or added that pomme is his too... and yet in private to him it's always dapper and pomme. he grieved them both in their time away, left pomme a message, checked her room too. he sang her happy birthday and got her the flowers she likes. he lost it when the eggs went missing not at seeing dapper's empty bed, but pomme's. he, in the throes of his memory loss and confusion, proudly said "this has got to be pomme's, this is exactly how my daughter would organise things" about the egg rooms.

there's a duality there that is fascinating and confusing and seems... purposeful on q!bad's behalf in a way i truly can't figure out entirely.

maybe he's trying to protect her, to distance himself from her in the rest of the island's minds so if something goes wrong she can be safe in a way he knows dapper could never be -- after all, elquackity didn't take pomme, he had no idea she was his.

i guess it's all about love, anyway.

#qsmp #q!badboyhalo #qsmp pomme #i will always have the biggest soft spot for their relationship #do discuss if you have thoughts tho pls and thank you

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thelaurenshippen · 5 months

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re: that *chef kiss* PERFECT Franken-Drummer post and tumblr not being all over The Expanse, I know right?? it’s such an amazing show with so many delightful, complicated characters yet it’s so unfairly slept on! maybe because S1 takes awhile to get going and ppl give up? idk but it makes me sad that I have so few ppl to squeal about Drummer and Amos and Bobbie and Christjen and Ashford and Naomi (ad infinitum) with 😭🚀😭

WHY ARE PEOPLE NOT OBSESSED WITH THE EXPANSE HELLO!?!?! there's literally so much to love about it oh my god. you're right, it DOES take a second to get going but once it does!!!

for those of you who have not read or seen The Expanse series (I myself have yet to read the books), let me tell you why you'll love it:

political space drama with incredibly distinct cultures and phenomenal world building, if you're a details girlie (gn), you're gonna go nuts

the found family vibes!!??! are off!?!? the charts!?!? (minor spoilers for the first few episodes) four people are thrown into a situation in which they accidentally become the most important people/fugitives in the whole galaxy and most of them DO NOT trust each other, what could possible go wrong, and even better, what could possibly go RIGHT

Christjen Avasarala. you are not ready for her. most powerful mover-shaker on earth with the most incredible outfits you've ever seen, refined elegance with the filthiest mouth, plus she's got a classic "whatever those two have going on is so gay it veers into something else entirely" with her younger protective knight lady, Bobbie

Bobbie. the "not to be a lesbian but oh my god" post is made for her. we meet her in the show for the first time when she arm wrestles a robot and WINS. you will be begging for her to step on you with her mech suit

speaking of women I want to step on me Camina Drummer. angry revolutionary pirate queen of my heart. do you miss the unique agony of 2000/10s queerbaiting but want it to be not baiting somehow? this show does that, idk how else to explain it. the most agonizing sapphic pining you've ever seen but it's textual and also not painful because its gay. don't worry, Camina fucks, just not the girl she wants most (also spoilers, but this is not a bury your gays show don't worry)

Jim Holden is literally just Some Guy who becomes the special fantasy chosen one because he simply cannot stop Getting Involved. nosiest bitch in the universe, I love him.

imagine you're a girl who leaves your shitty ex and gets a normal industrial job on a spaceship, only to have a six foot, two hundred pound killer dressed as a mechanic imprint on you like a baby duck, and its unclear whether he wants to fuck you or call you a little sister but he definitely WILL kill for you and will do literally anything you say and then you both end up caught up in a weird galactic war by mistake and there's this other guy with a captain america level moral compass and he's cute and you're into him except your shitty ex is still out there with the biggest secret you have and meanwhile your best female friend is the coolest person you've ever met but you don't think you can be what she needs and you're holding your family together, you're holding the universe together and all you want is justice for your people but unfortunately you've gone and fallen in love with the accidental most important man in the galaxy. well, every day Naomi Nagata wakes up

Praxideke Meng. botanist of my heart. literally tames the rabid guard dog that no one else could. gentle and able to stay gentle because of said dog. which brings me to...

Amos Burton. I saved him for last because he is my guy. he is THAT guy. canonically aromantic pansexual king. are you into guard dog characters? do you find yourself drawn to the "sorry my love language is acts of service and all I'm good at is killing people" characters? amos burton is like seventeen tumblr posts come to life. previously mentioned enormous killer dressed as a mechanic, former heels wearing "I didn't always work in space" sex worker who is always rolling into brothels and being like "you guys unionized?", gives a shit about basically no one in the universe except his crew and every single child in the galaxy, accidental comedian because he cannot stop saying weird shit, not a nice or good person but a loyal one, and one who is always trying to relearn the empathy that was carved out of him as a young person. every time he goes homicidal to protect one of his chosen people (crew + any and every child), an angel gets its wings.

fin.

#answered #the expanse #most of this is cribbed from the essay I was texting a friend the other day lol #which is what inspired my expanse posting in the first place #bc I was like 'I HAVE to stop bothering this friend' lol #btw the canonically aromantic pansexual thing teeeechnically comes from the writers' twitter?#but like #you simply have to watch the show to know that about amos #he mostly doesn't sleep with people in the show and yes the few he does are women but the dude is queer #but anyway the authors have explicitly said he's aromantic and that his sexuality is 'yes'

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gentlebeardsbarngrill · 2 months

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02/21/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Cast & Crew Sightings; Rhys Darby; Samba BTS; Vico Ortiz; Ruibo Qian; HowToHelp; Petition Embed; Queerties Last Day; IRL Outreach Assets; New Watch Parties; Visual Rep of SaveOFMD Effort; Fan Spotlight; Collages; OurFlagMeansBooze; Articles; Morale; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Tonight's Taika;

Wow everyone, crazy day again. Day 2 of BTS Darbygeddon. I'm actually going to set a google calendar reminder for tomorrow between 1-2 in case Samba decides to drop another doozy on us. Hope you all had a good day. Here's the highlights-- there's more I would have liked to add but I need to get permission first, so I'll hopefully have them up tomorrow. As always, please let me know if I missed anything <3

== Cast & Crew Sightings ==

= Rhys Darby =

Back again with another Cameo is Rhys for our lovely crewmate @Kellykat53 over on twitter! Thank you so much for sharing this with us Kelly, it's a lovely little inspirational video, definitely gives us plenty of Vitamin RD (as @scorpiostarseed would say). Check out the Cameo

= Saint Samba Schutte =

I've seen several people mention that Samba is a Saint (sorry not sure who started it to attribute it) so going forward, that will be his name. SO MANY BTS pictures and videos. My goodness. Has it even been a day since the last Merstede dump? It has, but damn, here we are with the BOYFRIEND video, and the nipple scratching, and oh look it's Buttons from the Cryptid Factor! As always, if you have access to instagram, please check out these posts on Samba and Rhys' posts/stories.

Videos on Tumblr:

Boyfriends - ty @blakbonnet!

Merstede - ty @kiwistede!

English Jacket - ty @kiwistede!

Cursed Jacket - ty @kiwistede!

Steard Nips - ty @kiwistede!

Rhysently Granted Reunion - ty @kiwistede!

= Vico Ortiz =

Vico voiced the new novel "The Diablo's Curse "by New York Times Best Seller Gabe Cole Novoa! I know some of you are huge Vico fans so wanted to mention it, you can purchase the audio book here. Src: Vico's IG

= Ruibo Qian =

Are you in New York? Our Pirate Queen will be at the #TonyKiserTheater NEXT MONDAY, FEBRUARY 26 at 6:30PM for a one night only reading of On The Evolutionary Function of Shame, by D.A. Mindell - For more details visit here.

== How to Help ==

Hey all! We're adding some things to the daily task lists (and taking some off). Here they are!

= Petition Embed Code =

Looking to easily embed the petition link in your AO3 fic, or maybe your email? @sonnetforbonnet was kind enough to provide us with some embeds you can use! Please visit the repo for the codes!

= Last day for Queerties! =

Please remember to vote! Today's the last day!

Best TV Comedy

Best TV Performance

= IRL Outreach Assets =

== New Watch Parties Coming Up! ==

The Pirates! Watch Party! This is a family friendly movie so bring the kids! Or the adults-- or anyone you know, really, as long as it's not against their will! Sunday March 3rd, 3 PM EST, 12 PM PST, 8 PM GMT!

Watch Party Hashtags:

#OurPirateCaptain

#SaveOFMD

#AdoptOurCrew

== Visual Representation of Fandom Efforts to SOFMD ==

Remember our friends that had the in person Matelotage Processional? Well they're back with a funny video illustrating the fandom efforts of Save OFMD!

Fangirlfoto's Instagram Don't have instagram? See the video on the repo here.

＝＝ Fan Spotlight ＝＝

Thank you once again to @wndrngnomad on twitter for all their awesome collages dedicated to the Cast and Crew! Day 21: Calypso's Birthday! Perfectly timed considering the lovely Boyfriend themed BTS we got today! Catch-Up: Day 2: Madeleine Sami!

= Our Flag Means Booze! =

Our absolutely brilliant crew-mate @quiet-compassion over on tumblr has been designing OFMD Themed Drinks since the show was dropped by Max! These not only have super fun and creative names you'll all recognise, but an amazing array of flavours too! If you're 21+ (in the US) or the appropriate age for drinking in your country, feel free to try them out! As always, please drink responsibly! Are you celebrating with Moonglow Manifesting? Why not try the "Moon Glow" cocktail for the end of the event! Want to see ALL their concoctions? Head on over to the repo, they're all there!

== Articles ==

17 Facts and Easter Eggs about OurFlagMeansDeath That will Get you On Board - 17 Fakten und Easter Eggs zu „Our Flag Means Death“, die dich ins Boot holen - ty @AddieH on twitter

Max: The 34 Absolute Best TV Shows to Watch

==Morale ==

Hey crew. I've been hearing some scuttlebutt around the deck that people are starting to worry again about whether or not s3 is going to happen. The love notes section is already pretty long so I'm not gonna go too crazy up here too -- instead I'm going to just point out that David Jenkins, while not active and posting things for us right now, is sneakily poking around in Samba and Rhys' BTS comments. He's still there, he's still watching, and I think he can tell we're all feeling the high from Samba's releases. Don't give up hope, these things take time. They're gonna get there. I'm gonna add the trends to this section today because I think it's important to see what we did today:

== Love Notes ==

Hey Lovelies. I know I've said it before, but it bares repeating since I know a lot of you are struggling right now.

Just a gentle reminder that if your brain is telling you that there's something wrong with you, or that you've done something wrong or embarrassing -- it's lying to you.

There's been so much dopamine from all the excitement lately with the BTS, that it has to come down at some point, and when it does, your brain will sometimes over-compensate and you start feeling maybe worse than you did before.

This is totally normal, it really is. Our brains are glorious complex pathways of unmeasurable brilliance, and yet a simple hormone change can make that same brain tell us that we're not enough, or we're not worthy.

I am here to remind you, you are so very much enough.

No matter what is happening in your life-- in your job, in your personal relationships, in your family, in your school, anywhere--

YOU ARE ENOUGH, EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE.

If you feel like you've failed, or you've let someone down, just know you are STILL enough. We all fail, it's how we learn.

We pick ourselves back up and we try again, and if we fail again--

We're STILL enough, and we are still worthy of love and comfort.

Eventually you will succeed. You will get there, and all the while while you work on it, YOU. ARE. ENOUGH.

I know it's so hard to see when you're feeling small, but I see you all every day, and I am awe-struck at your constant ability to band together and not only find love and support, but give it so freely and lovingly.

A simple @ to someone, alerting them to something they'd like

A love note in dms or on a tumblr post

A gif or picture or video brought to tumblr from some other platform so others can see them.

Writing a fic or drawing a picture.

A reblog with tags, goofy or not

Anon Asks showing people you support how they feel about a given topic

Liking a post.

These are all love notes. No matter how public or private, they're all there and they all add up eventually to form this wonderful community and you've been kicking ass at love.

I know we all look like we're having a good time, but a lot of us are struggling silently, and yet we're finding ways to reach out to one another and spread love to help us all get through. Love isn't always positivity, it can be commiseration, or frustration on behalf of someone. You all are finding the best ways to help your crew, and I'm so very proud of you.

You all are capable, creative, gifted, beautious piles of stardust smooshed together into one wonderfully unique package, and you are so very loved.

You are enough,

You are loved,

and THINGS WILL GET BETTER Lovelies.

Get some rest <3 You got this.

= Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika =

What can I say, I literally can't not include this Rhys gif today. It's physically impossible, please forgive me. Good fucking lord, I'm going to Costa Rica now. Also, sorry I tried to get a matching Taika gif, but I have run out of brain cells. Hopefully this one will suffice.

Rhys - Courtesy of @bizarrelittlemew

Taika - Courtesy of @studiomoon

#ofmd daily recap #ofmd daily recaps #daily ofmd recap #daily ofmd recaps #taika waititi #rhys darby #ofmd #our flag means death #vico ortiz #ruibo qian #save ofmd #saveofmd #save our flag means death #ofmd bts #samba schutte #saint samba schutte

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babacontainsmultitudes · 7 months

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Let's Talk About Lincoln And His Dads, Okay?

I think people claiming that Lincoln and Grant "aren't so different after all" because, like everyone else in the show, they both have blood on their hands, have mostly missed the mark on where the core of Lincoln's issues with his dad(s) lie in the first place.

Moreover, I'm tired of people insinuating that Lincoln's troubles pale in comparison to Normal's or Scary's or Hermie's, and I'm tired of people saying that Lincoln is overreacting, or that Lincoln is a hypocrite for calling out his dad's behavior, or that he is in the wrong for setting boundaries, or that he's ungrateful, or that he's responsible for ensuring his dad's emotional wellbeing and not the other way around!

*breathes* So let's. Let's finally talk about Lincoln and Grant (and Marco also him).

[WOAH THERE! Hey you, yeah you, this is a long-ass post, mhm, it's one of those, so please keep that in mind before venturing below the cut. Maybe grab yourself a drink or a bite to eat first, yeah? Additionally, sorry the transcript stuff is a bit messy in this one, tumblr has a 30 image limit and well, I had to find workarounds. Also, I haven't yet added alt text for the transcript screenshots- I plan to when I have a bit more energy for it, but I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause in the meantime!]

Part 1/4: "Honesty is hardly ever heard, and mostly what I need from you"

Lincoln is certainly a pacifist at heart (in more recent times important examples of this include Lincoln's refusal to harm Scary in the Swallows household, as well as Lincoln being the only one of the teens to successfully avoid using violence in front of d00d during their most recent standoff with Willy), and in good paladin fashion functions as the group's moral compass the majority of the time.

Despite this, Lincoln's morals are not so simplistic and idealistic as to not differentiate between different motives for violence, nor does he view acts of violence in and of themselves as signs that a person is "evil" or "irredeemable". He can for example, see the difference between the acts of Willy and those of the kiddads, as he tries to explain when confronted by the other teens on the matter:

In fact, even after Grant tells Linc all of this during the incursion:

Lincoln's primary goal is still to save his dad first and foremost, then offer him the room to explain himself, without immediately chalking him up as a bad person because of what he has done.

Lincoln certainly doesn't approve of Grant and his violence, though he can understand that things are seldom black and white. But the killing is far from the only issue here. In fact, it's not even the main issue.

Grant creates a foundation based on trust and accountability whose importance in the Li-Wilson household is hammered in from the very first episode.

And we see throughout the early episodes of the season just how strongly Lincoln believes that Grant would never lie to him.

Then of course the incursion point encounter happens. There are several elements of this encounter that we will gloss over for now and go back to later, but of immediate importance is the fact that this interaction serves as direct confirmation for Lincoln that his dad has in fact been lying to him his entire life.

Additionally, he learns that Grant possesses a deep hatred of himself, wants to die, perceives himself as "broken beyond repair", and fears that Lincoln will somehow wind up just like him. That's a lot for one kid to have dropped on them, let alone all at once and without warning!

So- Lincoln wants to confront his dad after this both because he wants his dad to explain himself and take accountability for his dishonesty and for his actions more generally, and because he is concerned for his dad's wellbeing.

Now let's look at how Grant has, over the course of the season, responded to Lincoln's attempts to get him to take responsibility for his actions, and talk about his mental health:

The first thing Grant does is pull a classic Wilson "we'll talk about it later". Then the very next thing he does is lie to Lincoln again, now pretending that his plan is to fix things with Erin by offering her a gift (when of course he's actually set out to steal the sun)

Then as a deflection when Lincoln further tries to confront him about the lying, he indirectly equates everything he has kept secret from Lincoln (see the incursion point stuff) to "little white lies" and, contrary to the philosophy he so heavily instilled in Lincoln, argues that sometimes lying can protect the people one cares about:

Which as a point of interest I would like to compare and contrast to something Lincoln says in an earlier episode:

"lies can protect" vs "protecting is also trusting"- anyways moving on,

From there Grant's plan to steal the sun eventually comes to light (heh) and gets foiled, forcing the teens to be the mature ones in the situation and try to negotiate something with Erin. While he is certainly disappointed by everything going on, however, Lincoln's priorities vis-à-vis Grant are still, first and foremost, to ensure that he is safe, and when time allows for it get an apology from him and get him to talk openly about everything he has withheld. At this point in time Lincoln, while obviously angry at his dad, still very clearly cares about his dad and just wants to be able to talk with him without all the lies or deflection or excuses.

Then the teens are backed into a corner when their attempts at negotiation go sour, and ultimately wind up helping Grant steal the sun. Once that is over, Lincoln tries to confront his dad again, now with regards to some of the things he said about himself:

(Do note that last bit especially as it will be of relevance in the next section)

Then after Grant ignores the other teens when they try to talk to him, Lincoln calls him out and once again asks him to apologize, in part for having told Lincoln previously that they were dangerous and that he was not to hang out with them:

(as you might have guessed, Grant does not apologize).

Then it is established that the "zone of truth" in the Li-Wilson household isn't actually a spell but an agreed upon promise between Marco, Grant, and Lincoln to tell only the truth when someone calls upon the zone of truth, further cementing the degree to which honesty is an important Li-Wilson family value. Whilst in the zone of truth, however, Grant beats around the bush with regards to his intentions, and the teens ultimately decide that they do not want him to come along with them to the church of the doodler, as he is untrustworthy, in addition to Lincoln saying that he needs some space for his own sake. Grant then pretends to respect this decision, though he is in fact once again lying through his teeth, and sneaks back on later.

Before exiting the bus for the first time, however, Lincoln tries to get his dad to open up a bit about his feelings. Grant's response?

Time after time after time, Grant refuses to confront himself and address anything from what occurred at the incursion, and in fact adds on to everything with a whole new slew of lies, and with each failed attempt at connection the rift between Lincoln and Grant increases. And Lincoln, true to his values and how he was raised, is not a hypocrite in wanting openness and accountability from his dad. Lincoln is not and has never acted like he is perfect and beyond making mistakes, but Lincoln takes responsibility for his actions, even when the degree to which he is actually complicit in the crime at hand is questionable. He writes a letter to the families of the firemen because he feels responsible for their deaths. He apologizes to Taylor for lying to him about the bracelets and helps not only Taylor but also Nicky escape the clutches of the FBI, even though the consequence of doing so could easily have been his own death. When he thinks he may have inadvertently lead Hero on, his immediate decision is to take accountability for it and clear things up. All of this in addition to consistently apologizing to his friends when he thinks he may have hurt them for one reason or another.

This is also an important thing to consider when we talk about the place of violence in the show. Yes all the characters, including Lincoln himself, have had to kill at some point or another for the sake of survival and protecting the ones they love. But Lincoln does not use the blood on his hands to justify violence in future decisions. Despite the fact that he has had to kill before, Lincoln, as mentioned in the beginning of this essay, continues to try incredibly hard to act as pacifist whenever he can, choosing to protect those around him with as little collateral damage as possible. Does he have a perfect track record? No! Does he still try his damned hardest to choose kindness and mercy? Absolutely! And this is an important distinction especially between Lincoln and Grant.

And then Grant kills Terry. Now Lincoln must shift his priorities towards protecting his friends from his dad, but in running after Scary still finds himself forced to confront him. So what does Grant have to say regarding his actions?

Both Lincoln and Scary are right to be furious with this response, Terry Jr. is dead and all Grant can offer in response is what is essentially another excuse. Grant's mental state does not absolve him of responsibility or accountability for his actions, which as Lincoln points out (and repeats later) consist not only of the singular choice of shooting Terry, but of every choice he has made before and after that. "I'm sorry your dad is broken" obviously doesn't bring Terry Jr. back, but perhaps more importantly demonstrates that Grant is still not willing to reflect on his actions any further than that and work on himself moving forward.

So Lincoln does what is perhaps the most difficult thing he has done in his life, and disowns his father. This is not a rash, impulsive decision. As established, Lincoln has given Grant many chances throughout the season to address his behavior and at least fucking *talk* with Lincoln about his mental state, but he refused. He refused, not because he means harm, but because Grant truly believes himself to be fundamentally broken and irreparable, and doesn’t see the effect that his own suffering is having on his son. This, in addition to continuously failing to take Lincoln seriously and treat him as more than a little kid, both in failing to listen to Lincoln's voices of concern as well as in disregarding any of his proposals to go about things differently (whether that means avoiding violence, trusting rather than lying, or both).

So when Lincoln says:

"It's not about what you just did now, Dad. It's all your choices. You chose me. There wasn't some passion, or, or just a kid. You chose me as your kid, knowing you were broken. You can't take that back. And… I love you, and I hate that you made me love you, when… you are who you are and you knew it."

This isn't Lincoln saying that Grant should not have had a kid because he is mentally unwell or has trauma, it is Lincoln saying that Grant continues to make choices without acknowledging his agency in those choices and the effect they have on those around him, instead choosing to pin his mistakes on his perceived brokenness without any resolution to do something about that.

And before you say, "but Grant didn't have a choice in becoming Lincoln's parent since he saved him from the Titanic":

This simply isn't true, as strictly speaking there was nothing stopping Grant and Marco from putting Lincoln up for adoption if one or both of them did not feel themselves to be ready or capable of taking care of a child and

Ignoring Lincoln's exact phrasing, "choosing to be a parent" is not just about the literal choice to have a child, it's about every choice you make before and after that. It's choosing not to express your concerns over parenthood with your spouse, which based on Grant's track record:

-Is definitely in-character for him. Conversely, in Marco's case, it may be choosing not to ask your partner about their feelings on the matter (because, really, asking Grant on the spot while literally on a sinking ship if he's okay with adopting the baby they just found is kinda rough). It's choosing not to go to therapy (not that we know whether Grant specifically did/does or not but all the same). It's choosing not to apologize when your child is upset with you because of something you did. It's choosing not to take them or their friends seriously. It's choosing to lie instead of trust. It's an endless amount of choices that Grant (and Marco) made every step of the way!

As a final note for this section, what's particularly unfortunate is that even with Lincoln's disownment, Grant still has failed to show any major signs of change. Note this telling exchange (from episode 40):

Grant: I-I understand that. I just thought. Just something that just occurred to me. Hey Dood.

Dood: Yeah?

Grant: Why did you kill those two guys?

Dood: Because I love you so much and I wanted to protect you.

Grant: Okay. That's all I wanted to know.

In which Grant is still making excuses rather than owning up to or apologizing for anything or striving to change his behavior in the future. What's great about Grant's "point" here too is that the two guards that d00d killed were absolutely unnecessary deaths, so this example does anything but work in Grant's favor.

Part 2/4: "My mother hates her body, we share the same outline"

But this is only part of the problem. As aforementioned, we learn early on and see repeated on multiple occasions that Grant thinks ill of himself to the point of believing that he deserves death, and does not want Lincoln to be anything like him.

This affects Lincoln in two major ways. Perhaps most obviously, it leaves Lincoln greatly concerned for his dad's wellbeing, which in turn acts as his main motivation for trying (and failing) to get Grant to explore and explain those feelings. Additionally, however, Grant's self-loathing also has a passive but deeply damaging effect on Lincoln's self-worth. The most important indication of this is when Lincoln says:

"Okay. Look, Scary, I just... You know what? I don't even care. I just needed a friend and I don't know… I don’t know what you're going through, but… no, my dad always said you can't love somebody unless you love yourself, right? Well, last time I asked him if he loved himself, he… He doesn't. So… I don't know, so maybe he doesn't love me either. And you seem to know what that's like, and, you're my friend! You're dealing with these things and I'm just here. I just, I don't know! I don't love myself either! I don't know! But I know that more people will die if we can't do this together, and you're the only person, like, in this group— I mean you guys are, I mean— [sighs] Look, you can go. I'm not going to stop you. You go if you want to go. I'm done."

Also classic Lincoln move to say he doesn't care then proceed to hug Scary through an Eldritch Blast. In this essay, on why people misuse the word "apathy" in applying it to Lincoln,

Though the issue comes up again in a less obvious but very interesting way when Lincoln says that:

Which I assume probably seems pretty out of left field. To explain a bit what I'm trying to get at here, consider the following scenario:

Your parent, who you care about immensely, possesses certain qualities (say, idk, intrusive thoughts or mood swings or delusional thoughts or *something*) that they possess great shame over, and truly, wholeheartedly believe makes them "evil" or unlovable or even outright deserving of death. Of course, you do not believe that your parent is any of these things, it hurts to see that they feel this way about them-self, so you try your best to support them, even if you know deep down that you are their child and this should not be your responsibility. Your parent does not see the effect that their mental state is having on yours, does not take your voices of concern seriously, and mostly leaves you feeling like you are talking to a wall.

This hurts already, but it gets worse. You are your parent's child, and you are human, and so you inevitably find yourself with some of the characteristics that your parent loathes so much in them-self. Maybe you have similar thought patterns. Maybe you've made similar mistakes. Your parent doesn't love them-self because of these qualities that you now see in yourself, so how can you be sure that they do not hate you for them too? Do they believe that you deserve to die for these things as well? Your parent obviously assures you to the contrary, after all, they love you more than anything. But your parent fails to offer any meaningful line of distinction between their flaws and yours (after all, there isn't one, not really), and continues to assert that, unlike you, they really do deserve to die. Your parent is a hypocrite, and their reassurance does little to convince you.

Hopefully that makes some sense. With regards to the "dreams about killing my dads" part, mostly what I'm trying to say is that these dreams, while certainly very different from Grant's conscious thoughts about violence, still tread the line of mimicking them to some degree, and Grant's "I deserve to die because of how my brain works, don't be anything like me because that's bad!" really doesn't leave Lincoln with a healthy way to process and interpret this fact about himself, even if these dreams don't actually say anything about who he is as a person.

Anyways all that to say, on multiple levels Grant's unwillingness to even try to love himself and treat himself better has been having effects on his son that he can't even begin to realize, in addition to everything discussed in the first bit.

"But baba," I hear you say, "what about Marco? Why has Lincoln seemingly disowned both of his dads?"

Part 3/4: Three is the loneliest number

Well, I think there's a couple things going on here. For one thing, I think in a sense Lincoln sees his dads as kind of a "package deal", which is to say that from his pov disowning Grant means Marco would have to pick a side, and though it pains him immensely (as we see evidence of on several occasions), Lincoln would ultimately rather give up Marco than have Grant be left alone without either of them, because he will always love and care about Grant, and because he's selfless that way.

Additionally, for a good long while, Lincoln doesn't actually appear to harbor any resentment towards Marco:

However, this later part of the season has brought with it a new wave of disillusionment, and in its wake Lincoln has finally come to question the last major issue characterizing his relationship with his parents: social isolation.

We have known from basically the first episode of the season that Lincoln has lived a very isolated, lonely life, and that the only reason he's even going to public high school now is because he finally convinced Grant to let him:

As a side note, I have seen discussion of the fact that since Lincoln was rescued from the Titanic, it's possible that he was homeschooled solely because he did not legally exist. The above statement from Matt seems to work against this theory, in addition to the fact that if Lincoln was missing legal papers to get into elementary school... That would also prevent him from going to high school. Also, I mean. If you actually were to find an abandoned baby there's a whole legal process you're supposed to go through, and since Lincoln surely wouldn't have any close blood relatives around, that would still leave the possibility for Grant and Marco to adopt him legally if they wanted to (and if they chose not to go through said process, that's kind of on them?). Which isn't to say that this theory is out of the question, but in any case being homeschooled is one thing, whereas the actual degree of social isolation Lincoln goes through growing up is way more than just that, as we will delve into.

Now, we know that Grant eventually puts an end to Lincoln and Normal seeing each other on the basis that Lark and Sparrow are dangerous, which... Itself is actually fair tbh, in particular given what we now know about Hero. Not fair to Lincoln or Normal, obviously, but understandable. Much less acceptable, is the fact that Lincoln actually grows up without any friends his age whatsoever:

We understand of course that the motives behind this extreme social isolation are not malicious or otherwise done with ill-intent, but that doesn't make this even remotely okay! Of course then Lincoln is very clingy and perhaps even territorial over his dads, to the point where one of his biggest fears is his parents having another child who would take some of their attention away from him- they've created an environment in which they are basically all he has!

As a direct result of this, Lincoln gets lonely very easily, and when he finally does make some friends of his own, he will do anything and everything for them, even if it means risking his own life (at least then he isn't alive and lonely!)

This is also why Lincoln is so especially distraught after the loss of Mr. Kicks, a digital avatar whom he considered his best (and only) friend.

Additionally, Lincoln's fear of returning to his lonesome childhood creates an unfortunate scenario in which he cannot be honest with his dads about the fact that he is being bullied at school

Even though that is definitely the case (and in fact we see it first-hand on many occasions), because to do so would run the risk of his dads taking him out of public school, and that, to him, is worse.

Lincoln beginning to view this aspect of his childhood (the isolation but also the over-protectiveness and overbearing attitude more generally) for what it is is why Matt's intros have recently shifted from "schooled at home" to "schooled in prison", in addition to pretty directly saying that high school was like heaven compared to his home life (in episode 40), and I don't think Lincoln is even remotely in the wrong for looking back at his isolation and thinking "hey, even if you had good intentions, that was kind of fucked up actually, and I need to distance myself from you for my own sake."

Not that Lincoln wanting freedom from his overbearing dads is a new thing! I mean apart from what one can logically infer from Lincoln convincing Grant to let him go to public school, Matt does drop a bunch of telling details here and there such as Lincoln's favorite sound being "the silence of being home alone and free". It's just that now is when these feelings are finally starting to come to the surface.

It is also something that Lincoln naturally would hold against both Grant and Marco, because they are both aware of and responsible for this aspect of his upbringing (whether Marco acted actively or as an enabler in the matter notwithstanding- though I would look no further than both Grant and Marco getting red cards the one time they tried letting Lincoln play soccer with other kids to observe how that family dynamic plays out), hence feeling the need to cut himself off from the both of them in order to set a long-overdue boundary. That said, to be honest with you, I really don't think he's actually all that upset with Marco, and would mostly just like to see him again.

If the events of the Titanic help to ease any aspect of Lincoln's frustration, it would be this one. Not in the sense that it magically makes what Lincoln went through growing up okay, but it does still recontextualize Grant and Marco's degree of overbearingness and (part of) why they are how they are, and I absolutely think that Lincoln would have sympathy for that.

So, where does that leave us?

Part 4/4: What remains (+ the case study of Scary)

"But baba," you say, "Grant and Marco are not just their mistakes! They've both done so many things right as parents, and they love Lincoln more than anything!"

I turn to you, tears in my eyes. "I know," I say, "I know, but that does not contradict or erase the fact that they have inadvertently hurt Lincoln in many, many ways, and he has a right to be upset with them, and express that, and set boundaries if he feels the need to."

You sigh. "So do you think Grant is a good dad or a bad one?" you ask.

I shake my head. "He's just... He's just a dad. A dad who's had a rough swing of things from the beginning. He never meant to hurt Lincoln, and I truly believe he's got a good heart, but I want to see him try harder. I need to see him try harder than he currently is to better himself, for Lincoln's sake as much as his own."

Is... More or less how I feel. I absolutely agree that as a parent Grant obviously gives a shit, and my intention here is absolutely not to say "hey actually, Grant is awful!"

As I mentioned at the very beginning of this essay, however, collectively I have found over the course of the season that Lincoln's trauma and struggles have gone severely understated and undermined, sometimes to the point of even turning him into the bad guy or depicting him as acting dramatic for a decision that I think was very brave of him, actually. So... It does feel necessary to me to point out that, as much as I care about Grant and recognize that he's suffered immensely too, he's still made a lot of mistakes over the course of the season, and still has a lot of room to grow as a person.

As things currently are, I would not blame Lincoln if he did not forgive Grant by the end of the season. Do I think that's what's gonna happen? No lol.

If you'll excuse a mini side-tangent, because for now I don't really want to make this a separate post, the mid-season evolution of Lincoln and Scary's relationship is actually a great case study for Lincoln's capacity for forgiveness, in addition to his inability to give up on people:

Tony Pepperoni's murder is, I would argue, an attack against Lincoln most personally (relative to the other teens). Aside from Lincoln having the strongest pacifistic tendencies of the group, it's in his home, it's in front of Marco, as established in the 3rd section Tony Pepperoni, by virtue of having been over for dinners at the Li-Wilson household before, is someone Lincoln knows more personally than the other teens and one of the only people in his life he could have possibly approximated to a friend. Most importantly though, Scary goes behind Lincoln's back in letting Willy out and disclosing the location of the party, and that is a significant breach of trust.

So Lincoln kicks Scary out of the house (and more or less out of the group by extension) because protecting the others from her is the most important thing at that point in time (sound familiar?). For the next bit, Lincoln's behavior towards Scary becomes a juggling act of keeping a close eye on her to make sure she doesn't cause more harm (and yes, it's also when they are meanest with each other), but also keeping a close eye on her to look after her (a notable example of this being that he doesn't leave her behind in the hall of mirrors, even when it would have been easier and perhaps even "beneficial" to do so in the context of the anchor quest).

And yet despite all the mutual hostility, Lincoln without question also fights the hardest to get Scary back. He breaks the pick as a sign of trust (and as Freddie put it: "that's love babeeey") and to show her she's welcome back in the group, follows through on this decision despite the fact that it creates a temporary rift between him and the others (Normal and Taylor) who oppose her return (perhaps a good time to also say as a reminder that Lincoln was the most against letting Willy out in the first place), breaks a door down to protect her from Willy even when everyone else in the house treats him as crazy for doing so, refuses to fight Scary when she goes on the offense, and hugs her through a god damn eldritch blast because he can't let her leave and hurt more people but still cares about her to the point that he would literally choose to die before hurting her or giving up on fighting for her. Like, if that's not love and forgiveness, I don't fucking know what is. This in addition to him encouraging the others to go easy on her and otherwise looking out for her past that point.

So do I think Lincoln Li-Wilson has it in him to forgive Grant in spite of it all? That is a resounding yes from me. Will the events of the Titanic facilitate this if only by painting Grant's situation in a more sympathetic light and showcasing some of his virtues? Totally, I mean, there's a reason Anthony decided to make the arc go this way. But will I be a bit disappointed if this forgiveness comes without any major growth on Grant's part? Also. Also yes yeah.

MM. I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO END THIS ONE TBH. Heh. Well, thank you for one thing, for taking the time to read a post this long. If you're reading this not too long after I posted it I am most definitely pacing around rn going "oh god they hate it!" but uh. Well that's a me problem lol. Anyways, I hope this proves to be at least somewhat insightful? ...Yeah no apart from that I really am struggling to end this properly and honestly I'm real sleepy lol so I'll just say again (whether you agree with the points listed here or not) THANKS FOR HEARING ME OUT Y'ALL AND TAKE CARE.

#dndads #lincoln li wilson #grant wilson #Nervous about this one! Well I always am with these but people can be a bit touchy when it comes to Grant especially so there's that.#dungeons and daddies #but what can you do ig!#marco li #long post #baba babbles #<- tag I still don't use usually smh #second section especially I think is where I'm really like- man I *hope* I'm expressing myself alright and people get what I'm laying down #scary marlowe #suuuuure yeah enough Scary here that I can tag her in I think

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gayemeralds · 2 years

Note

important question: what are your top 5 favorite qualities of sonic’s character?

rattling you like a snow globe i am. OOOOOOOH i love sonic's character so much let's see (in no specific order)

1) moral ambiguity

sonic's not a typical goody-two shoes protagonist and i think that's super interesting, especially considering how his other "rival" video game protagonists at the time (like link and mario, etc) were. sonic's not a very cut ad dry character- he is a simple guy, sure, but when you start to peel away at some of his layers.... he's a lot more nuanced than you're lead to believe

sonic's very much a live by my own rules sort of person. and while his rules sort of match up to him being the good guy, it doesn't always make him "heroic". he killed king arthur under the complete understanding that king arthur was a real person. he kills erazor djiin. he encourages elise to kill solaris. sonic's not afraid to fight dirty, and he's not afraid to get his hands dirty when the situation calls for it.

most protagonists are more of a "we have to save everyone" or "if we kill the bad guy we're just as bad as them" type. but i think sonic specifically is interesting, because he does help some overcome their misdeeds- like knuckles, shadow, silver- but ultimately it's because those people weren't that bad in the first place. they were misguided and manipulated and confused. if they had a full grasp of the situation at hand, chances are, they would have chosen a different path. and even if they didn't, they still showed the potential for true growth.

but for a lot villains that are simply plain evil... sonic doesn't seem to particularly hesitate. sonic's attack in satbk would have undoubtedly killed merlina- he didn't know her well enough to assume that she could choose a different path, and was willing to act first and talk later, knowing he wouldn't be able to talk her out of it.

not even with eggman. he was going to let his counter part in satsr fall to his death, until shahra convinced him not to. he's used excessive lethal force before, especially in the classic games. and then of course there's the implications that sonic lets eggman get away because he finds their adventures fun. like yes, sonic's going to stop him- everything eggman does is against his principles. so sonic's going to fight him. but sonic is also a thrill seeker and a daredevil, and wouldn't life be quite dull without eggman?

2) villainous qualities

it sort of ties into sonic's more moral ambiguity but i think sonic's interesting because a lot of his qualities, depending on the framing, could be quite villainous in nature. a guy who chases after adventures, who fights just for the thrill of it, who's stubborn and doesn't ever compromise, who lives life by his own rules and doesn't care if the breaks other peoples rules?

if sonic ever chose to be a villain... he'd make a pretty good one. he has a different set of morals than others and he doesn't like compromising on his beliefs. he thinks he's right, so he's going to act on it. and quite a few sonic villains share a similar point of view- that their revenge, that their opinion, is correct, and they have no intention on listening to anyone else's.

additionally... sonic's not particularly shy with manipulating those around him. you can see this characteristic plainly in sonic x and idw, where sonic manipulates his friends into trying to get him off a boat and shadow into not killing eggman.

deep down, sonic isn't that much different from rouge, for instance. they're both thrill seekers who don't compromise on their beleifs and are, in some senses, quite selfish. they're very self driven and independent and are great manipulators. the only difference between the two of them is that sonic seems to have a bit more compassion. they're two sides of the same coin.

3) environmentalist

i kind of miss the messaging of the older games... sonic was always invested in maintaining the beauty of the natural world around him. he fights a villain who essentially pollutes just for the heck of hit. he started this heroing gig with little more motivation than protecting his woodland animal friends and their homes.

it wasn't always about gods and the hubris of men pretending to be them. at the very beginning, it was just about protecting a tiny island in the middle of the ocean and the little critters who lived there.

it's also interesting to note how this can translate to other scenarios, like with merlina. she wanted to go against the natural order of things, she wanted to try to create an eternal kingdom- sonic saw through her selfishness and also tried to convince her that some things just were meant to end. and sometimes you just have to enjoy it as it was.

4) kindness

i think the last point also segways into sonic's kindness- again, sonic didn't necessarily start this mission to save the world. sonic did this to save those little animal friends. he stepped up to the plate and challenged a mad scientist armed with thousands of robotic drones and fought him.

i think the best instance of his kindness is in sonic 06, where that same compassion actually causes the end of the world. sonic's insistence on helping elise, and not just saving her but getting her to smile, ends up dooming the world. he forms a bond so strong with her in the small amount of time they'd been together that seeing him die causes elise to cry for the first time in ten years. it's his death that sets causes the apocalypse, all because he was compassionate.

it's this kindness, too, that i think adds more nuance to his character. because sonic is at his core a devil may care daredevil, who only does what he thinks is right, and who only does things for the fun and the thrill of it. but its not entirely true, because sonic will go above and beyond the demands of the situations he finds himself in.

saving tails from his bullies? sure. he doesn't believe in oppressors of any form. but then essentially adopting that kid and letting him tag along on adventures, despite his solitary nature and unwillingness to settle down or be tied down? not necessary. saving angel island and giving knuckels abck his master emerald? well, he can't just let eggman win. befriending knuckles after? not necessary. helping shahra stop erazor djinn from devastating the arabian nights? well it's not like he's got anywhere else to be at the moment and it looks like a fun challenge. promising to get shahra to smile and taking the hit for her? not necessary. defeating merlina after she shows her true colors? it's what he thinks is the right thing to do, and her disregarding the natural order of things is just plain wrong. but trying to console her after they attempted to kill each other? unnecessary.

sonic is a bizarre juxtaposition of selfish and selfless. he's here to have fun and constantly seeks out danger, but he's not just willing to save the world- he's also here to help you smile.

5) subversion from usual "speed types"

sonic's also interesting to me in a sense that he's not really your average speedster, personality wise. yes, sonic can get impatient, and he that can lead to him being reckless, but for the most part... sonic isn't afraid of taking things slow and steady sometimes.

sonic's hobbies outside of fighting bad guys include reading, looking at pretty natural landscapes, and snoozing. when he's not fighting a bad guy he travels the world but otherwise has some pretty mundane, rather slow hobbies.

think of the usual speedster archetype- fast talking, always on the move, never sits still, chatty and friendly and kind of annoying.

and sonic can be all those things, but sonic's also allowed to be pretty slow. he's allowed to laze around and read a book or take a long nap. he's allowed to be solitary and non-social and quiet. he knows how to slow down and smell the roses. he knows to appreciate the moments he's got.

#+ one: i like his mystery #there's so much we jsut dont really know about his character. it's all interpretation really. fascinating #master emerald brothel

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tsokomari · 2 years

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internal combustion | kuroo tetsurou

It’s no surprise that soulmates can hear each other’s thoughts, and Nekoma High’s resident volleyball captain finds it absolutely sexy and baffling that his soulmate often sings The Periodic Table Song in their head during Chemistry classes.

You, his beloved lab partner, never miss a second on any lyric that leaves your mind and lips. Just as you suck in a breath to prepare to mouth the song, Kuroo finds himself already gazing at you with a lazy smirk.

One thing he does notice and finds endearing, however, is when he realizes that you always stop at manganese, the 25th element. Which also happens to be the last element mentioned right before the chorus starts.

“… and Manganese! This is the Periodic Table, Noble Gas is stable, Halogens and Alkalai react aggressively, each period we’ll see new Outer Shells while Electrons are added moving to the right~”

Your thoughts suddenly stop, realizing that you don’t know the next lyrics after that. And so you simply nod your head once and write your final answer on that thin sheet of paper that will most likely determine if you’ll graduate this senior year or not.

“It’s Iron.” A small voice enters your mind, faint enough for you to realize that those words are not your own thoughts, but someone else’s. “The answer is Iron, right after Manganese.”

You’d recognize that voice anywhere. The only problem is, why now? Does he know? Surely he doesn’t know.

But then again, if he didn’t, then who would tell you the exact answer to number thirteen when the test is fifty items, and the time finishes at twenty minutes.

You turn your head to see the culprit, his eyes instantly meeting yours. You feel a blush grow on your cheeks from his stare. His test paper is flipped downwards, indicating he’s already done with the exam. What a showoff.

Afraid of getting in trouble, you communicate with him through your mind.

“How long have you known?”

Kuroo merely smirks and faces the front of the class. His arms stretched above him, this time, your ears hear his voice. “Finish your test first. Wouldn’t want you to fail the Chemistry exam when you’re sitting right next to me.”

You scoff and roll your eyes. “Wow, thank you, Tetsu.”

The exam goes by without much issue. You didn’t get a perfect score, but you are sheepish to admit that you wouldn’t get a grade above average if it wasn’t for Kuroo who’s been dropping hints and literal answers every once in a while for the past fifteen minutes.

Before you can step out of the lab doors, a hand stops you.

“Is there a specific reason why you keep singing The Periodic Table Song in your head every time we have classes in the lab?” Kuroo’s holding you by your backpack zipper.

“Ha, ha, very funny. I’ll have you know that I’m planning on taking an English major in college. There’s no need for me to memorize the whole table when I can just sing the song!”

“You never get past the chorus, and you made twenty mistakes on the second half of the exam. How effective is the song for you, really?”

You give his arm a teasing punch. “It’s my Chemistry Exam Emotional Support Song. Leave me be!”

He snorts to mask his laughter. “Alright, whatever you say.”

“I can’t believe I made an effort to carry all these textbooks when at the end of the day I might just fail the test if it weren’t for you… so… thanks. You really saved me back there.” You give him a sheepish smile.

Kuroo nods, heart a little happy to see you smiling at him. “It’s no problem.”

Truth be told, technically he helped you cheat on the exam. That’s everything that goes against his moral compass. But he felt something stir in his stomach when he saw you hauling all those Chemistry textbooks in your backpack in the early morning. And every tutoring session in the library with you has always hurt Kuroo, because he knows how much you work hard, and he knows how much your hard work doesn’t really coincide with Chemistry.

You come in silence as you both walk in the hallway. It’s annoying to realize that you can’t hear Kuroo’s thoughts now. He’s gotten good at keeping his mind at bay because if he didn’t then you would at least have a hunch. But you have so many questions to ask. You can’t risk asking him, not when there are ears everywhere.

“Keep thinking out loud and you’re going to internally combust.” With hands in his pockets, the middle blocker laughs, his eyes stay on the path you’re walking on, not meeting yours.

You could only snap your head to face him and give him a nasty glare. “Sorry for not being able to keep my cool. We’ve known each other since junior high and it never even dawned on me that you’re the one.”

The school bell rings, indicating that students can now finally free themselves from the chains and prison that is school. People pile up at the gate, and you are surprised to see Kuroo still walking beside you with an apologetic look on his face.

“Hey, look. You deserve some explanation.” His hand reaches the back of his neck, and a speck of subtle pink dust his cheeks. “I don’t have any club today. Can we talk about it over milk tea? It’s Wintermelon Latte… my treat this time.“

A smile makes its way to your face, a fake huff leaving your lips. “No, we pay for each other’s orders. It’s my thanks since you saved my ass in Chemistry back there.”

“We can do that on the next date. Just let me pamper you on this one.”

You laugh at him in disbelief. “That’s some confidence right there. What makes you think I’d accept you? Don’t you worry that I’d only exploit you for the free milk tea?”

“I’m the top student in all the Science Departments. No one else is gonna teach you Chemistry while showering you with affection.” Kuroo takes your heavy backpack and slings it over his shoulder. “I hate to break it to you, but from now on you’re stuck with me.”

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monebula-art · 5 months

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SPOILER MENTION FOR YYH LIVE ACTION

Positivity post about the new live action but it does contain some spoiler mentions as I rant 💜

Okay listen— I understand the Yyh live action felt a little speed-run and rushed. I understand that certain comedic and character build moments were lost because of it. But imagine you’re the you of 20 Years ago, and you’re watching this for the first time.

I cried during the scene with Keiko and Atsuko— I cried when Yusuke is holding the beam to save Keiko.

I loved how they added Keiko INTO the story as an actual motivation and element of Yusuke’s moral compass. I loved that Kuwabara became involved and interested in Yusuke’s life after his return and I love how they became friends who did things together! I loved his enthusiasm and worry for Yusuke and insistence upon being his rival.

I loved Kurama’s cool and collected acting, but how his care was so obviously simmering beneath the surface of his calm. It’s exactly what I’d expect of Kurama.

Hiei was, as a Hiei lover? Perfect, I didn’t like him quite at first but then he SPOKE and I was hooked. His voice and brutal style of fighting but EVERYTHING he does is for the sake of his sister and his concern for her— and eventually his concern for the other team members as well. I know we didn’t get as many comedic moments as was experienced in a 56 episode 2 season of series like in the original but that’s kinda to be expected? And we got a lot!

Honestly Yusuke’s flying kick at Kuwabara made me choke on my drink, the fight with Gouki was kinda amusing though I did miss the ‘Of course I heard you I’m just stupid’ line.

I enjoyed the banter between Yusuke and Kuwabara and I loved how Kuwabara’s concern for his friends and feeling in adequate in protecting them was his driving force!

The entire training montage with Genkai was AMAZING and fighting her was so funny she was running this boy in circles and I was living for it. God what a legend.

The scenes at the end on the boat where Hiei strolls up and tells Kuwabara to stop talking to Yukina, Kurama getting in between them felt so FAMILIAR and good!

The scene where Toguro comes to her is different and yet so very much the same as in the anime. The dialogue is exactly the same but delivered in this quiet and intimidating and intimate setting. I know we lost out on a lot of the context for it so the scene at the end where they part ways isn’t as impactful— I get that. But we the FANS know the context, so I was absolutely enthralled and bawling at how beautiful it was.

Hiei’s scene with Yukina!!!! I didn’t think they would do me like that but they DID and I was SCREAMING we were SO CLOSE.

Ugh. I loved it. Was it ‘perfect’ as in a perfect 1-1 adaptation? No. Some emotional elements were lacking because of the rush. I’ll admit that.

But was it perfect? Made me happy, perfectly nostalgic as a 20 year fangirl of this series??? Abso FUCKING lutely.

#yu yu hakusho live action #yyh live action #yu yu hakusho

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booktomoviebrawl · 8 months

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We are not judging how bad the movie is, we are judging which adapted the book the worst. There are good movies that are bad adaptions.

Propaganda below the cut (spoilers may apply)

Tales From Earthsea:

I don't think it could have been better, but it was just so off from from the books it was mainly drawing its inspiration from (I mean, I had no interest in seeing that weird weaver guy decide to off himself in the boat, but still).

Studio Ghibli is the perfect studio to capture the Le Guin vibe and yet Goro torched it so hard for no reason

To give credit where it is due, the film has some good settings and animation. Unfortunately, its beauty is only on the surface, and it is the worst Studio Ghibli movie I’ve seen. (I’ve seen almost all of them but Earwig and the Witch.) The plot is a collage of random bits of context from the first four books of the series, as well as its own stuff. It really is not the same story at all. I may have enjoyed it more if I had seen it as a child before reading the books, but not covering all the events exactly isn’t the only issue, it’s just worse. It takes the moral complexity and sensibility of the original and turns it into a typical fantasy war between good and evil (the Japanese title even translates to Ged’s War Chronicles) with emphasis on physical violence, in which evil is personified as a goth queer-coded villain whose death resolves everything. It completely misses the point of the books, which gives no such simple answers and is more focused on the darkness within everyone than an external battle. Where is the nuance? It also whitewashes everyone: most of the characters in the book are dark-skinned, but in the movie…

I was also bitter that they did my favourite character, Tehanu/Therru, dirty. She’s supposed to be horribly scarred and disfigured on half her body and reviled by people as a monster but in the movie she’s just a pretty girl with a red mark on her face. In the books, she doesn’t appear until the fourth book, Tehanu, which takes place after Lebannen is grown up and ruling a kindgom, and in which she is a mostly-nonverbal child. But here she’s aged up and thrown into the earlier story to give the protagonist a love interest and the film has him stay with them so it can focus on their romance. Even though a plot-relevant part of his character as well is his lack of interest in women and not settling into a relationship despite the people’s wishes.

Basically, they whitewashed, heteronormatized, macho-ified, and de-nuanced the narrative, and also took out the feminism.

On top of this, trying to cram the whole series into one movie is just not a good idea, and it would have been better to just decide on one book to adapt and do more justice. And yet they still added in so much that didn’t happen. When you have that much material to cover, you don’t have time or budget to be putting other things in, mate. Turning four books into one results both in a mess. Abridgment is one thing; taking particular aspects of different parts of the timeline and combining them in different ways is another. It doesn’t make a lot of sense. It’s in an unfortunate middle area where it doesn’t follow the source material but also doesn’t give enough context that people unfamiliar with the source understand. For Earthsea fans, it’s infuriating; for others, it’s confusing. Also, why did they name it after the fifth book, which is a short story collection that it doesn’t reference whatsoever?

The failure of the movie is upsetting because the books are sooo good. Yet, it was the highest-grossing Japanese movie of the year, and did win a couple awards… The Bunshun Kiichigo awards for “Worst Director” and “Worst Movie”.

The Golden Compass:

The Golden Compass isn't even the title of the book! It's called Northern Lights! And now there are editions of the book with the wrong title on them. Enfuriating. Anyways, the movie tries to follow the books story and fails completely because they don't kill off a character because they wanted a happy ending when that character being dead is crucial to the story in the third book. Also they made Mrs. Coulter blonde. Unforgivable.

They remove the ending of the book so it has a happy ending and I guess leave it for a better beginning to the second movie, only of course they never made a second movie cause the first one bombed. They also rearranged the order of the events, and, more importantly, made it lose its bite by removing darker elements and removing explicit critique of the catholic church by making the antagonistic magisterium way more generic

Terrible movie. The acting is awful, especially Mrs. Coulter, whose character in the books is chilling because of her smooth, sweet nature that belies a deep sinister calucating mind. Plus they butchered the story and took out any mention of the church as the main villain for fear of offending Christians. This ultimately defeats the purpose of the book. I hate this movie so much it's unreal

#tournament poll #the golden compass #his dark materials #tales from earthsea #earthsea #a wizard of earthsea #northern lights

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zeenimf · 5 months

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Where the Sea Ends | The Party

Seo the Mage race : duinnimf age : unknown hometown : unknown allegiance : unknown

It is not often that duinnimfs are seen outside the thorny forests of the dunes near the coast, so when Seo sets foot in the small city of Harilburgt asking around for spells that blur the line between life and death, it causes quite the commotion.

She is an expert mage, capable of learning any spell or ritual she can get her hands on. But when her Mistress passes away after spending countless human lives together, she is confronted with the two things she knows nothing about, dealing with humans, and dealing with death.

She is thrust onto a quest to find a way to bring her Mistress back to life, as Ikuzand the Mage is the one prophetised to stop the Sea from engulfing the known lands. But the realm of Men is not something she can travel alone. As much as she tries to deny it, she's going to need some help.

Karel the Knight race : human age : 39 hometown : Hoogdam allegiance : The Royal Order of the Heavenly Oak

Ever since he was a child Karel knew that he wanted to do what was right. When he received a wooden training sword for his fifth birthday he proved to be a natural, and combined with a strong wit and moral compass he quickly progressed through the ranks to become the youngest member ever to be admitted to the Royal Order of the Heavenly Oak.

His biggest pride is the way he treats the people he meets. He realised that in order to be seen as trustworthy he has to place his trust in them in return. So when he finds out that Ikuzand the Saviour has died before breaking the prophecy, he turns to his superiors. But his superiors do not act.

With each day that passes he gets more and more uneasy. He is being pulled at from two sides, and he knows that there will be a day where he will snap. So he has to make a choice: support the throne that has given him everything he is, or abandon his post and face dishonour to do what he thinks is right.

Pip the Thief race : human age : 15 hometown : Harilburgt allegiance : One and only member of the Company of Honourable Thieves

Being an orphan in Harilburgt is not as bad as it sounds. He doesn't miss his parents, for who can miss parents when he never met them? And by the burgomaster's decree all orphans receive free education, food and shelter.

There is, however, something that he finds even more interesting than his studies: secrets. It did not take him long to find every hiding spot in the city, so he began a new collection: diplomatic scrolls. The fact that some people pay good money for such scrolls was an added bonus.

But his viewpoint changed when he snags a letter stating the death of Ikuzand the Great, and the strict orders to keep this fact a secret under the punishment of death for whoever breaks this order. Pip's isn't under any obligation to listen to the orders of a foreign burgomaster, so he does what anyone else would do: carefully leak the information in the market square and watch the news spread through the country like a wildfire. Little did he know that the next day he would stumble onto the very person who may be able to tell him more about this illustrious mage, but is that information worth crossing into the afterlife for?

Where the Sea Ends MASTERPOST

Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist!

#fantasy #fiction #writeblr #character introduction #character intro

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witchthewriter · 7 months

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𝑩𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒚 𝑩𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒔 𝑴𝑩𝑻𝑰 & 𝒁𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒄 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒕

I've also added his moral alignment and tarot card!

𝐌𝐁𝐓𝐈

𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑷 | 𝑇𝘩𝑒 𝑉𝑖𝑔𝑖𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑒

This MBTI type is the best at handling crisis situations with a calm attitude. Their skill at living fully in the moment and being able to come up with spontaneous solutions is why it's always good to have an ISTP around when there's an emergency.

𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅

He wants to do the right thing, but he doesn't always follow the rules. Bucky sees them as inhibiting. The people in this alignment are known as rebels. They don’t care about society’s rules, they care about what’s doing right.

𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉

Meaning: Personal transformation, starting over, moving on. The ending of a cycle (Bucky's life as the Winter Soldier). Letting go, saying goodbye to his old self. Preparing to begin a new cycle. We see so many versions of Bucky that this card is true on so many levels.

𝐒𝐔𝐍

𝑷𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒔

It's 'canon' that Bucky is Pisces, so I - I can get with that. Although he isn't up in the clouds/dreamy, he is a chameleon (which Pisces are known for being in the zodiac). Pisces are often emotional individuals with a strong moral compass - and that sounds like Bucky to a T.

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍

𝑺𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒐

𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑦 𝑅𝑢𝑙𝑒𝑟: 𝑀𝑎𝑟𝑠 (Motivation & Action) and 𝑷𝒍𝒖𝒕𝒐 (Power & Transformation)

Scorpio Moons are more guarded in their self-expression, they have a strong fear of betrayal and are unlikely to forget a kindness or forgive an insult. They are diggers when it comes to the world of emotion–they can see beyond facades and cut right to the core of a person. This ability to “see” what isn’t obvious to the rest of the world can be intimidating to others or wildly attractive, depending on the audience.

𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆/𝐀𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓

𝑨𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔

𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑦 𝑅𝑢𝑙𝑒𝑟: 𝑀𝑎𝑟𝑠 (Motivation & Action)

Direct and quick, their first instinct is to do, rather than think. This position does not make a person aggressive, but rather forthright and sometimes blunt. You carry the qualities of boldness, courage, and leadership, and your function is to blaze new pathways, to lead, to initiate and to do. Probably early on in life, Aries rising people got typecast as the “independent” child. Learned to be self-reliant. Very attached to loved ones.

𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐘

𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒏

𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑦 𝑅𝑢𝑙𝑒𝑟: 𝑆𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑛 (Lessons & Limitations)

These people often speak and write in a slow and methodical manner. They appreciate structure and order. Although they are resourceful people, Mercury in Capricorn natives easily get frustrated when too much information is thrown at them at once. They break down ideas into manageable parts before arriving at a decision.

(This is definitely how I see Bucky process all the years he's missed out on. Slowly and methodologically seeing movies and tv shows - trying to do so in proper order. But it can become very overwhelming for him!)

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒

𝑷𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒔

𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑦 𝑅𝑢𝑙𝑒𝑟: 𝑁𝑒𝑝𝑡𝑢𝑛𝑒 (Hope & Fantasy)

Theirs is an elusive charm — they are sweetly playful, a little moody, and perhaps a little irregular. Of all the Venus signs, Venus in Pisces has the greatest potential for unconditional love and forgiveness. Compassionate and caring, these people are capable of making some truly awe-inspiring self-sacrifices for the ones they love. Most important to remember is this: it’s a mistake to assume a Venus in Pisces person is weak, but it’s also a mistake to assume Pisces is strong. They are both.

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒

𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒏

𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑦 𝑅𝑢𝑙𝑒𝑟: 𝑆𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑛 (Lessons & Limitations)

With fiery Mars in the more orderly sign of Capricorn, natives with this position have a subdued and controlled style of approaching life. Most don’t come across as particularly enthusiastic; rather, theirs is a low-key but determined energy.

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girl4music · 6 months

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WILLOW: “It's horrible! That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and... skanky. And I think I'm kinda gay.”

BUFFY: “Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was.”

ANGEL: “Well, actually...

*gets a look from Buffy*

That's a good point.”

Can we discuss how ‘Doppelgängland’ presents a study case for Vampire Willow being like human Willow if Willow was suddenly missing an internal moral compass? I talk about Willow’s repressed sadism a lot and some overwhelming evidence for it is that there exists a vampire version of her in canon that’s a literal sadist and is just as evil as Angelus is. That enjoys inflicting torture and pain purely for fun. That has a good old time being indisputably sadistic.

Dark Willow - even though she has a soul and is human - thrives in the killing and the torturing of Warren and Rack. Yeah, she’s corrupted by black magic and feels nothing but vengeance, anger and hate. And yes, the people she does end up actually killing deserved it. But the point is that this is what she can be like even when HUMAN, even when ENSOULED. So Vampire Willow is interesting because that’s a Willow that isn’t either human or ensouled and how sadistic and evil she can be without an internal moral compass and without her humanity is reminiscent of Dark Willow.

And so I can’t help thinking that maybe that vampire has nothing to do with the demon that “possesses” Willow. Maybe the reason why that particular vampire is “so evil… and skanky… and kinda gay” is because that’s the human that the vampire is informed by. That it’s because it’s Willow why Vampire Willow is like that.

And I know it’s just for jokes why they had Angel start to say what he did in response to Buffy’s comment to Willow in trying to reassure her that that vampire is just an evil demon and has no bearing on her character at all… But I really wish we had got to hear what he was going to say. If I had to guess I feel like he was going to say something like “Well, actually… that’s not quite true. A vampire’s personality is still informed by the human that died even if it is not the person it was.”

But with Vampire Willow… the question is just how much of alternative human Willow informs her and how much is really just a demon from the ethers “possessing” the body of the alternative human Willow that died? You would think adding this particular situation on to the soul lore would be in support for it being demon possession… but I’m not so sure that that is so when much of the Willow that we see later on is what we get with Vampire Willow.

See for me, ‘Doppelgängland’ comes off more as foreshadowing than it does in being an addition to the soul lore that provides evidence for the perspective that vampires are a demon possession of a dead human because it does the entire opposite in telling and showing that to be the truth as they give us a significant look in to what Willow would be like both without a soul and without her humanity - which for me don’t mean the same thing because I don’t think of the soul that way. See, I have a very specific understanding of what a “soul” is and I don’t think of it as the human itself or as the person itself. I think of it as an internal moral compass for the human or person.

Which then further means if that human or person is suddenly bit by a vampire and dies - it doesn’t come back as a vampire because its body is possessed by a demon. It comes back as a vampire because IT IS a demon. A newly created or newly born demon in a human body that is informed by both the demon AND the human respectively. That’s why and how it can’t be a possession by the demon or human because possession means it’s an entirely different entity from the demon or human. And a vampire isn’t because it’s a half-breed of both the demon and the human. So it is still the same entity that died all the while becoming a newly created entity. It is, essentially, a resurrection or reincarnation of the human or person that died but just with personality traits and qualities that are only evil and sadistic in nature depending on what the human or person could be capable of that the newly created demon exacerbates in them with abandon.

Vampire Willow is a very interesting study case for this because what she is depends on whether human Willow can be capable of being that evil and sadistic all the while being a human. And… she can… as Dark Willow eventually and inevitably shows us. Yes, for her to get there it required the themes of power corruption, addiction and vengeance… but the point is that she was still capable of it. And, for me, it only just proves that if somebody that pure can become that evil and sadistic as a human… then so could we all.

Vampire Willow is not a study case for vampires being entirely different from their human counterparts. It’s a study case for learning that they are or can be alike if they’re missing an internal moral compass and therefore their emotions or desires were not being repressed. Vampire Willow is an uninhibited entity. They make that very clear in the writing when using it in juxtaposition with human Willow’s inhibitedness. Willow even acknowledges that both her and Vampire Willow feel like the world’s “no fun” anymore but then recedes that acknowledgement in the final scene, realizing that being “reliable dog geyser person” isn’t so bad. That she could actually be the entire opposite to that and she never wants to be like Vampire Willow if this is the pain and damage that she could cause.

So Vampire Willow truly is what we would get if human Willow was completely free of all constraints on her good character. If she suddenly believed that she didn’t need to be the good person she always is and could do what she wants without any thought for the risks or consequences of her actions and choices and without any concern for any pain or damage she may cause through her carelessness and recklessness. It is very much in her capability and nature to become what we see of Vampire Willow’s appearance. And I think that if Xander had not have been able to save Willow in ‘Grave’, this is precisely what Willow would have become. Not simply just Dark Willow. But Evil and Sadistic Willow. She would have lost her humanity.

Fortunately… she still possessed an internal moral compass and so her humanity won over the battle and Vampire Willow remained just a fantasy in fan-fiction. But it does give me pause to realize that Willow’s selfishness, arrogance and entitlement in Season 6 would still inform everything that Vampire Willow is precisely because she is the human psyche for her.

#buffy the vampire slayer #dopplegangland #willow rosenberg #vampire willow #dark willow #alyson hannigan #evil #repressed sadism #study case #character study analysis #characterization #character representation #character development

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wndaswife · 1 year

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Ooh you're doing headcanons?? Earth 838 Wanda Maximoff please!

characterization headcanons: earth-838 wanda maximoff

allergies

not sure why but i feel like she's definitely allergic to shellfish and watermelon.

character flaws

has trouble saying no to anything, especially when her friends and coworkers pile a bunch of favours onto her; it’s always tommy and billy who remind her to value herself and her time more.

cleaning habits

she’s a pretty lenient mother and isn’t one to force the twins to clean much, though granted they are a bit older now and are very responsible kids. she cleans pretty often on her own, but she’s not overly-fastidious about it at all.

cooking habits

i have a feeling she can make a really good stir fry… and that she loves adding potatoes and diced carrots to anything.

coping mechanisms

as a single mother to two kids, wanda puts an effort towards coping healthily and in turn being able to mother her children while also dealing with distressing situations. she bakes, goes for runs, and sees a therapist frequently to also talk through her experiences of her time with HYDRA, working with the avengers, and losing her brother and parents.

dreams

often haunted by her experiences as HYDRA’s guinea pig, wanda sometimes has nightmares of the strucker experiments. she misses her brother dearly and although her life with HYDRA was nothing short of horrific, her dreams are always bittersweet as she always sees pietro’s face most vividly when she dreams of him. her dreams of her multiversal variants seem to her as lives she could have lived should she have remained an avenger, ranging from heroic to downright villainous as she also dreams of earth-616’s scarlet witch.

myer-briggs personality type

i don’t want be boring and say infp like 616-wanda, but i think she probably is also an infp even if i try to imagine something else.

enneagram personality type

9w1, maybe? i’m trying to be very creative and not put 4w5 like 616-wanda! i think she’s a very easygoing person with a habit of being a bit of a pushover, with strong feelings of right and wrong that makes her a very kind and strong-willed mother. might be prone to being a bystander despite a confident internal moral compass and strong opinions that she represses around those she does not know. in getting to know her, she’s a very sensitive and generous person.

fears

she’s very easy to scare. she worries about the boys’ safety, the possible fragility of her domestic life with them, and sometimes fears her magic is not enough to protect them, especially because it's been years since the last time she fought any kind of adversaries as she left her life as a superhero long ago. her own experiences with losing her family has made her very concerned with maintaining a close eye over both tommy and billy while also ensuring she has a very present and permanent role in their life.

friends

friends with neighbours and is cordial with the parents of tommy and billy’s classmates, though she wouldn’t say she’s very close with anyone. to some extent she has a bit of a lonely social life. though i see her befriending another single mother who’s just moved into town at some point and finding herself becoming very close with her.

hobbies

she’s a big gardener, and has definitely been super into pinterest lately wherein she finds a bunch of DIY projects for her garden.

insecurities

her experiences as an avenger makes her feel different from the other mothers. the experiences she’s had can never be changed, and sometimes that makes her feel incapable of being the mother that her kids need. but it’s never a largely lingering insecurity because she also has a very close relationship with the twins and knows how much they love and need her.

lazy day

on school days, wanda will likely take the living room for herself, watch a few classic movies, or read a book. even on lazy days when she’s able to have time to herself, she always feels happy to have the twins back home after school. they’re around eleven now and have adopted her laid-back personality, and the day is always spent best when she can cuddle together while watching a movie after dinner.

mornings

on weekdays, wanda prepares tommy and billy’s lunches and wakes them up if they don’t on their own. she spends the mornings ensuring they get to school on time and that they’re eating enough breakfast. on weekends, they eat together before going off to do their own things at home. sometimes on weekends, the twins wake wanda for breakfast they made for her on their own.

music taste

classic movie soundtracks, top-forty song charts, and sometimes 90s R&B.

pets

the twins have a pet turtle named sparky. she was opposed to it when they first asked, but after a long while of their begging, wanda gave in after imagining it would be good for them to learn how to care for a pet.

scars

a few from her time as an avenger that she tries not to let bother her, though on rare days she feels a bit down from being so different from the other mothers she knows.

secrets

there’s a cake the twins made for her months ago that they literally cannot stop bringing up because they feel so much pride in how much their mother loved it, but wanda honestly struggled with keeping it down and ate a whole slice just to make them happy. but she just agrees with them and subtly lets them know to have her help them the next time they bake a cake. and… she has a concealed box of vibrators and dildos in the very far back corner of the highest shelf in her closet — you know i’m right.

talents

she has never lost a game of cup pong. and she’s pretty hard to lie to, which the twins are convinced has to be some kind of talent because she has never used her magic on them unless they’ve asked her to.

tattoos

a small tattoo under her left breast along her ribs of a flower that she got done in college. at some point she regretted it and considered having it removed, but eventually came to the conclusion that it doesn’t look all too bad.

vacations

visited russia with the twins one summer, during which she taught them much about how similar some of its culture was with sokovia as she wouldn’t bring them to her home country with how unstable it still was. ever since visiting for a month two years ago, tommy and billy have steadily been learning sokovian.

#wanda maximoff #earth 838 wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanfiction #doctor strange in the multiverse of madness #elizabeth olsen #nctxrejects #characterization headcanons

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generic-whumperz · 8 months

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The Aid: Prologue (Meet The Whumper)

TW: whumper POV, alcoholism, drunk whumper, talk of captivity/enslavement

Additional warning: Prologue follows the Whumper at first. This is not to foster sympathy; this is to make you understand what kind of Whumper he is and understand just how much of a piece of shit he is. I am not endorsing Whumper and/or Whumper behavior, HE IS A BAD GUY AND WE ARE SUPPOSED TO HATE HIM.

P.S. This was edited, but that doesn’t mean things can’t slip through the cracks! I apologize for any typos, grammatical errors, and/or inconsistent tenses; I am working on it!

Enjoy :)

Word count: 760

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Today had been a really shitty day.

That, of course, called for—begged for—a long evening of Wyatt Sullivan’s ritualistic practice of self-inflicted liver damage. Not like he ever needed an excuse to drink himself close to alcohol poisoning, he always did, but he felt self-righteous if he thought he had a “reason” to do so.

And today was more than “reason” enough.

The day’s series of bad happenings began long before the predestined afternoon binge began—to start, his lemon-of-a-car wouldn’t start in the morning, causing him to miss a day of work. Now instead of making (much-needed) money, he had to inform his boss that he wouldn’t be coming in (which earned him a stern warning and ding on his record) because he would be spending the day dealing with that bastard, no-good, money grabbin’ thief calling himself a mechanic who told him that the transmission went out and would cost him $4,500…like hell he would pay that! He promptly told the burglar mechanic to fuck himself and stormed off.

Fuming, he walked to the nearest liquor store where he picked up his beloved 12-pack of IPA, a jumbo bag of low-sodium sunflower seeds, a can of tobacco chew, two beef jerky sticks, a party-sized bag of Chex Mix, and a few scratchers for good luck (lord knew he needed it), and then Ubered home.

He’d deal with the car tomorrow; the rest of the day was dedicated to cozying up with that 12-pack and licking his wounds in the form of consuming a copious amount of his favorite junk foods.

He was dropped off at his home’s curb in typical Uber fashion. Here, where side-walk meets property line, he came face-to-face with his neglected mailbox that he often ignored and avoided—only people who ever sent you mail were the IRS and penny-begging non-profits. But once he realized that he hadn’t checked it in a couple weeks—okay, nearly a month, he fished out a fat stack of envelopes, ads, sales papers, and the like that was crammed to the rim in a forceful u-shape, nearly impossible to pull out.

Extracting the brick of mail was like trying to get a can of refried beans out in one, smooth, perfectly cylindrical mass—success was rewarded with a satisfying schlick sound as the beans left the can in total unison.

Today, the metaphorical beans would not come out in one smooth schlick.

He unloaded his loot on the kitchen table, ardently ripping open the cardboard box that cradled his precious IPA and couldn’t crack open that first glorious can fast enough. He downed can number one in a few chugs before cracking open can number two and pawing through that menacing stack of mail. Besides junk mail, he was met with nothing but various over-due bill notices, a note from the bank that he missed a mortgage payment, and a letter from the courts regarding his third month of delinquent child support payments.

This did nothing but add fuel to his ever-burning fiery indignation.

Can after can, sip after alcoholic sip, hours passed.

Each drop aided his efforts of working himself up to a fit of violent rage caused by no other than his long-time friend, Drunken Stupor. He knew that the liquor always exacerbated his cruelty; it was easier to let the red consume him and to let go of any semblance of a moral compass he (no longer) had when he had something else, something he was impuissant against, to blame his transgressions on.

His (bitch) wife took their daughter and left him years ago since he couldn’t get his temper and drinking under control. There wasn’t much that he could control; his anger ruled his thoughts and actions- he was but a sad, detestable marionette being controlled by the hand of ill will.

He drank because he felt sorry for himself, even if that exact phrasing dared not cross his mind. Because he thought of himself as anything but pitiful, because pitiful men were charity cases, and charity cases were a leach on society and not respectable.

Drinking. That’s all he could do—his wife reminded him that he wasn’t good for much besides downing a 12-pack, after all.

Wyatt Sullivan was cold, callous, reactionary, and above all else, lonely (besides the sorry-sack servant he kept locked up in the basement, but that didn’t count for company). What he could control, however, was his fists, and that sad-sack under the floorboards, and better yet, his fists striking said sad-sack…

The Aid.

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queenbananly · 2 months

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Nina Fire Emblem Essay

It's long and I'm putting it under the cut. It's projection time baby. My credentials are I have one of the largest collections of Nina merch (mostly fan made, but I do have all official merch as well) and have been collecting it for at least the last six years.

Fire Emblem’s success in its iconic characters is in large part due to the artistry in not finishing a majority of the characters. By giving each character one or two ‘tropes’ or traditional story lines, and then adding in two to five smaller characteristic decisions or facts, it is a skeleton on which fans can theorize missing backstory pieces, the threads that connect different parts of the character together, what a fully developed version of the character may look like, and most importantly: give plenty of room for head canons or projection.

We start here because it is important to be up front in this character essay that while I will be citing quotes and scripts of the game, a lot of the connecting threads are my personal projections and interpretations on Nina from Fire Emblem: Fates. I aim to focus on what exists in canon to fully capture everything I see in her, but a Fire Emblem character becomes very little without a personal interpretation.

The two tropes that cover Nina’s character are very different, but fit together in some unfortunate ways. The first is a strong moral compass that has her chasing after the ideals of a Robinhood. Ideals that lead to learning how to steal, spy, and memorize information. Which when connected with her second characteristic, creates a lot of uncomfortable feelings in fans. Nina is a teenager who has fujoshi tendencies, that the game tends to focus on to keep a light hearted and comedic air about itself. If those jokes sour the taste of a player, and some of them are pretty bland or tasteless, it’s easy to miss the other snippets of personality present.

Loneliness reaches around Nina’s character deeply, in a way that can only really be discussed by pointing out a lot of support conversations and threading them together with generally accepted human reactions, projections, and assumptions. She clings to others relationships and stories but often ruins her own or becomes afraid of connecting deeply with others. Her childhood in the Deeprealms made her resent her father, and though she mostly talks about hating him, anyone who’s been a teen or knows teens can see those comments as a surface level veil to hide pain. In that way Nina is someone who talks about the pain of the Deeprealms the most, while also talking about her own personal feelings on the matter the least.

In her paralogue, when she calls her father a villain and tells him to ‘do what he must’, she’s playing a part. Honestly, despite her insistence on assuming her father’s stance, a majority of her paralogue is spent with her head in idealistic clouds, like she’s inside of a story or play. It could be argued that this is because it’s her first big heist, considering she tells Niles:

Nina: I've dreamed about this, Father. Draining the coffers of the wealthy! Vindicating the poor! We're getting what we need, and then getting out.

That said, it wasn’t all delusion and play when she assumes her father will punish her severely. She says multiple times he’s only visited her a few times, that she feels she doesn't know him. When he asks why she would throw her life away, why she acts like he has never cared for her, she shouts back:

Nina: Because I wasn't worth your time!

A thought that is very clearly felt by a lot of the second generation kids in Fates- but Nina is one of the few to say it loudly and directly into her parents face especially repeatedly. He argues that his world is unsafe and he wouldn’t survive if something had happened to her. So as punishment, she must now join the war effort. The game pushes to convince us that this is the answer- because how else will she become playable? If Niles can keep an eye on his daughter, plus the second parent the player chose for her, and all the other characters in this game, well… that’s safer than her wandering the countryside as a thief. Which she really is! Her paralogue takes place in a part of Nohr we do not visit at any other point in the game. The closest map point to it is the Dragon’s Gate (aka the portal to your DLC). So it seems reasonable to say that in her efforts to steal she knew what she was doing- she’d been avoiding the war effort. If this game took her efforts more seriously it’d be worth digging into the fact that the paralogue’s plot revolves around the Lord she’s stealing from calling in a favor and this army main force coming in to help, despite being so out of their way. (Link to Serenes Forest’s map of Fates in my citations for easy viewing).

Once she’s joined the army it’s time for her to largely be a gag character, talking mostly about men and their potential relationships. However, it’s still hard to break away from the fact that at her core, Nina is a very basic teenage girl. She has a short fuse and thinks she understands the world but struggles to actually say what she means often. Instead of facing that struggle she’d rather focus on daydreaming about relationships- rarely her own though, because that would be too personal and uncomfortable. From my personal interpretation and reaching, that loneliness is part of the reason her Robin Hood beliefs don’t come up very often post-recruitment.

Being open about something you believe in so strongly is hard, especially when it’s with people you feel you don’t belong with. Nina actively struggles especially in her friendships with men, and in large part that’s due to her hobby of ‘people watching’, or shipping people who surround her. Her supports with Percy and Ignatius are the clearest examples of her struggles to communicate, where in one she fumbles to apologize after lashing out defensively and in the other she gets caught in her fantasies and is constantly scrambling to cover herself. In the Ignatius A Support he even calls her out on exactly that, leading to this exchange:

Ignatius: I think I understand you better now. I was wondering why you were always so rude to me. But it's starting to make sense. You're just really, really bad at talking to people, aren't you?

Nina: Er, ah, well, maaaybe with SOME people... Like...men people, mostly.

If her struggles stem from her hobbies, which evidence suggests they do since that’s when she gets the most upset and lashes out, then it makes sense men are especially a problem for her. When you spend all day sexualizing a body type with the gusto of puberty, anyone with said body type will immediately be harder to deal with. In her Mother support she will even link these two together herself:

Nina: Well, I suppose things can't get any worse... I...I have a hard time talking to guys. But I think about them all the time! I feel like such a freak. Like they know that I'm thinking about them... And I just clam up and turn red. It's so awful!

Considering that, it does make sense she’s never comfortable with Shiro, Siegbert, or anyone like them when it comes to discussing her morals and values and how they relate to thievery. In her Siegbert support she spends most of her time playing a very passive role, humoring Siegbert and letting him stumble his way through misunderstanding her intentions because she feels unable to intervene or get a word in quickly enough. It’s a support where she is on all accounts fully successful at hiding her hobby from the other person. Meanwhile with Shiro, her hobby comes out into the open from the start due to his stubbornness at being left out of a good time (seeing a play in the town plaza). By catching her fully in her element he sees her at what she considers her worst, and because of that their support remains very far away from their roles as a prince and a thief. She even calls him “Mr. Loud-Snorting- Hooting-Guffaw-Man” before turning tail and running at the first sign of him taking her interests seriously. She struggles to believe there’s anything of value in her perspective of the story, but the support ends with one of those friendships that you as a player can actually believe lasts beyond the support line. Honestly the difference between these two crown prince supports stems from the biggest issue Shiro has- he just found out he was a prince upon recruitment and thus doesn’t expect anyone else to treat him like one or really want that.

That’s enough about men who are not Nina though. To turn to her two supports that most heavily talk about her morals instead, we find two very different characters. Her father, Niles, and tiny baby bean Kana. The first part of her Niles support unlocks with her recruitment, meaning it is what most players will read first and it can be assumed that this support is meant to be the stepping stones into what to expect from her characterization. They fight almost the entire support line, starting with Nina pointing out again to him his hypocrisy in telling her not to steal when his class is also a Thief and matches his backstory, and how it feels like he only cares about what she does now that it's convenient for him. How she hates that now that she’s close he bothers to tease her with “I love you’s” and innuendo’s, and comment on her stealing. Though not said aloud, there’s an implied question in her accusation that asks if this is all so important to you, if I’m important to you, why couldn’t you visit more? Why did I have to suffer in my loneliness? To which ends the B support, suggesting Niles needs at least the timespan of two support conversations to wrap his head around his next words to her. When he finally approaches, serious this time, he opens up about his actual backstory. Yes his class is thief, and he’s good at what he does, but wants better for her. As he puts it:

Niles: You say you only steal for the greater good—that you're doing the right thing. But whatever your reasons, I don't want you doing the things I had to. Rather than the dark road I was set down... I want your path to be clear and bright. That's all any parent wants for their child.

Nina struggles with this and takes it in, biting down her tongue on fighting about the why’s. Really, she gets what she needs from this support- her father apologizing to her, recognizing how poorly he messed up, and agreeing to treat her like an adult from henceforth. In subtext they’ve agreed to leave the moral debates to the side and try to act a bit more like a father and daughter.

Which is great! For a girl who’s loneliness can be seen a mile away, she needs this. It’s sad in the realm of exploring her stealing though. Niles is a retainer for a Prince, so he probably has better articulated arguments against what she’s doing than the game allows due to story and mood constraints. However she does get another support to talk about it with a bit more of a level head, less on the defensive overall. In her support with a non-sibling Kana, he asks about her stealing and she encourages him to not copy her behavior when he asks why she steals if his parents say it’s bad to do. Some of the thoughts she presents are a bit too big for the small boy, but give the player insight to what she might be thinking on a more day-to-day clear headed basis:

Nina: No, no, it's OK. You're right—stealing is wrong. But the world's a complex place. Some things are less wrong than others. Sometimes just doing things that look right will make the world worse. You know?

She emphasizes this again and again in this support- the idea that doing nothing is sometimes the wrong answer. Even then she’s always encouraging Kana to stick up for what he believes in and to listen to his parents. The support eventually shifts away to talking about her and her dads relationship- but not without first hitting on a beat of her loneliness oh so briefly. Kana asks her about the pile of letters she’s holding, and this is one of the only times we ever learn that she gets letters with updates from people she’s personally helped. While earlier I suggested her paralogue was her first big heist, it’s plainly clear that she’s been following this path for awhile. The connections she’s made from helping people and the care she shows in wanting to make sure they’re still well speaks of her character and her ability to be kind and thoughtful. Which makes sense- because her morals align with thinking of others. While she’s thinking of others, she’s also looking at this small child that is Kana and telling him to never copy what she does. It is kind, but it builds a lonely path for her alone.

That loneliness is exactly what enables Kana to so bluntly call her out in the A support- because while I can argue that Nina struggles intensely with loneliness, Kana’s whole character is built on loneliness. The only difference between them is Nina is older and has already built up systems she feels protects her, while he’s younger and just an incredibly anxious child. This is when we move more into talking about Nina and her dad. Having come up previously, Kana confronts her and says he’s sad she doesn’t have a good relationship with him. They seem to have a lot in common even if they don’t see eye to eye. He even suggests to her his hypothesis- that she wasn’t born a thief, she became one to be more like her dad. That she respects him and wants his approval, and that’s the core of her arguments with him. After being presented with this all Nina can do is sigh and call him perceptive.

Kana is the only one who can see this. Not even Niles can. That’s because Kana himself feels the need to be perceptive. Anxious about being left alone, he needs to know how others might be feeling. Not only for his own needs, but because Kana truly does not want any of his friends to feel alone either. Though I’ve largely been skimming S-Supports for convenience- because only one can exist in each universe and some feel more of a stretch than others- it’s important for me to point out in the S-Support with Kana, Nina finally let’s herself share some of her anxieties with him. She admits to thinking about him growing up, and wonders out loud if they’ll be friends forever or if he’ll change. With that, Kana makes a very serious Kana-promise that even if he does change their friendship will remain.

The feeling of loneliness continues to permeate looking into her other conversations and looking at how badly she reacts when her guy friends are forced to witness what she considers the worst part of herself. With this I turn our direction to her support with Forrest, where it’s easy to argue she shows her worst self. Part of this I will blame on the writing staff- because a lot of people are their worst selves to him specifically. However, instead of always blaming the writing staff for it, it’s also more productive to do character analysis to see what can be pulled from the support. Finding herself far more comfortable talking to Forrest than the average guy, she doesn’t hold herself to any of her usual barriers and lets herself over fantasize in front of him. She’s so deep in her dreams that she ignores that the C Support ends with him gently calling her out, and saying she’s being creepy. Instead she continues on her march, singing about him aloud and when confronted, giving a half shrug of an explanation. Normally she’d be hyper defensive, but here her excuse is so uncreative Forrest finds himself saying “Really. Really?” at her nonsense.

In the A Support we reach the height of her fantasies, and she directly asks him about his taste in men. She struggles to say things bluntly when it comes to asking if he’s gay but has no problem she sees him more as a ‘girl friend’ than a guy friend. When Forrest apologizes that he’s not and doesn’t seem to be who Nina wants him to be, she immediately breaks. Realizing she’s been not present for most of this support line, dancing in her own head of fantasies, her reaction is to start sobbing. To be honest the support itself is emotional whiplash, to which I give credit again to the writers as an A Support is supposed to end on a good note to prepare for the S Support so despite sobbing and having this breaking moment they end up better friends within the span of 10 dialogue lines. Anywhere else this might’ve been more drawn out or a longer conversation. Her sobbing speaks to many aspects of her- her kindness, her loneliness, and her anxiety. She truly cares for Forrest and considers him a friend, but she’s also incredibly scared of her interests and hobbies being the reason someone wouldn’t want to be her friend. Realizing that she’s had the situation wrong this entire time, she shatters at the horror that she’s let herself go this far. Even when Forrest forgives her she starts to fantasize again immediately- but this time she’s more present and aware, and snaps herself out of it.

Nina’s character tropes might be a robin hood and a fujoshi, but the deeprealms colors the rest of her in with the loneliness and trauma. As a character she is filled with passion that she doesn’t know what to do with, and kindness that extends past each robbery she commits. However, outside the game it should be noted that the WAY she engages with the fujoshi trope is uncomfortable to many, and that it is especially uncomfortable as a character born only when one of the two canon bisexual characters in the game marries a woman. This essay can express my love but it cannot undo real harm gay men have gone through in being sexualized by people in their life. Nor should it ever undo harm. If you leave this essay seeing the other aspects of Nina’s character, yet unable to disconnect yourself from the discomfort of how she acts around men in her actual life and the way she seems obsessed with them, that’s completely understandable.

If one might lend me their ear one last time. I’d argue that when I look at all of these characteristics of her and pull them together, she’s not just a cisgender straight girl looking at men who she’d secretly rather have interested in her than each other. Earlier, I mentioned that by focusing on the relationship between two men she can deflect from herself and her own relationships and feelings because she is not a man herself. However, I’d push that line further and say she has no sexual or romantic interest in men herself. Even if she does not realize it, even if she fights with Soleil about if women are attractive, what I see in her is someone who wants so badly to be normal in at least one aspect of her life. Being straight is seen as normal, and oversexualizing a man’s body to a comedic aspect (at least to an outsider's perspective) often be a coping habit to someone who has yet to realize they don’t actually like men. The overperformance often comes only from observations and not reality. By which I mean, if advertisements and books and casual chatter suggest to you a man is most handsome when his muscles are bulking and sweaty you may just take that notion and run with it. Force yourself to like it in an attempt to be normal. By doing this, but at the same time turning away from heterosexual relationships in her fantasies, she’s able to do multiple things subconsciously. Force herself into liking these aspects of a man, and play out scenarios of gay love constantly. The way she hunts for clandestine romances speaks to me personally of a subconscious anxiety that lays next to her anxiety stemming from loneliness. If she were to be gay, does she see it as something that must be kept secret for her to still be accepted? This part is one that may change depending on my readers' views on Nohr and Hoshido. While the game gives us a bisexual option from each country, it’s not heavily talked about anywhere if it’s readily accepted. In fact it’s easy to take Forrest’s paralogue, where Leo gets a Bad Dad award, as a sign that maybe the answer is no.

Nina could feel incredibly lonely in a world where maybe it would not be accepted for her to be gay. Alternatively she may feel like she doesn’t deserve that kind of love and happiness. As much as I’m adding my own perspective by bringing both points up it’s hard to ignore that when writing the game they seemed to heavily side step the issue that gay marriage is still a very political issue and just did not speak on it. I personally lean towards her residing in a homophobic culture, or at least one where she can’t imagine herself being accepted for being gay.

I end the essay here on the part where I push my own life onto Nina because while I could pick apart each support, this is already 6 pages of Google Docs. Perhaps in the future I can come back and write more- like her support with Caeldori or Asugi- but to leave people with what I’ve come with today is enough for me. Whether her being a lesbian (although seemingly in denial) is something you the reader can see or whether you think it’s over projection, I hope you can recognize the merit in the rest as a means to pick at her character beyond the surface level gag.

This Isn’t How Citations Work But This Is A Fire Emblem Essay Fuck You

Note: All supports can be found at https://wiki.serenesforest.net/index.php/Fates_Supports/Nina and the script for her paralogue can be found at https://fireemblem.fandom.com/wiki/Abrupt_Clash/Script

Map of Fates shown here. Nina’s Paralogue is the location listed as “Fancy Estate”: https://serenesforest.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/fates-map-revelation.jpg

#fe14 #nina fire emblem #eli essay #adding that so i can find this fucker in the future as needed

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