#actually it's unfair to call it shitty it had stuff going on in it but I'm having a different crisis rn
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One of the things I have discussed ad nauseum with @ilarual and @mybrainproblems is how Dean doesn't give John a denouncement in Lebanon because he doesn't need to give John a denouncement. He's already done it. Just because John wasn't there doesn't mean it didn't serve the same purpose for Dean.
Yes, I'm talking about 03x10 Dream A Little Dream Of Me:
DREAM DEAN
Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument.
(angry)
Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you?
DEAN
(angry)
Son of a bitch!
DEAN pushes DREAM DEAN hard, knocking him into the wall above the desk.
DEAN
(screaming angrily)
My father was an obsessed bastard!
DREAM DEAN tries to get up and DEAN kicks him down on the desk again. DEAN holds the weapon as a bat and hits DREAM DEAN once and then pins him to the wall with it.
DEAN
All that crap he dumped on me, about protecting Sam! That was his crap. He's the one who couldn't protect his family. He-
DEAN steps back and swings the weapon again, hitting DREAM DEAN twice.
DEAN
He's the one who let Mom die.
DEAN pins DREAM DEAN again.
DEAN
– who wasn't there for Sam. I always was! He wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me.
He backs away from DREAM DEAN.
DEAN
And I don't deserve to go to Hell!*
The catharsis is admitting that John was unfair and expected too much. It doesn't actually need to be said to John. This is stuff Dean needs to acknowledge in himself. To accept and move forward with that knowledge. It's finally verbalized this that allows him to admit to Sam that he doesn't want to die and he doesn't want to go to hell.
But I also realized today that Dean does also get that yelling at John moment. He just doesn't get to remember it until 04x15 when Tessa gives him back his memories of 02x01.
JOHN is sitting by DEAN'S bed; !DEAN STANDS NEARBY.
!DEAN
Come on, Dad. You've gotta help me. I've gotta get better, I've gotta get back in there. I mean, you haven't called a soul for help. You haven't even tried. Aren't you going to do anything? Aren't you even going to say anything?
(he starts walking around the bed)
I've done everything you have ever asked me. Everything. I have given everything I've ever had. And you're just going to sit there and you're going to watch me die? I mean, what the hell kind of father are you?**
And, again, it doesn't matter that John doesn't hear any of this. Because it's not for John. It's for Dean. Dean's the one who needed to acknowledge everything John did to him. And he does. He just doesn't have the need to then talk about it with other people or waste the short period of time he has with John in Lebanon hashing over stuff he's already dealt with.
He even gets an acknowledgment from John that he was wrong to raise Dean the way he did. He just followed it up by giving Dean one last shitty order. But he still does say:
JOHN
You know, when you were a kid, I'd come home from a hunt, and after what I'd seen, I'd be, I'd be wrecked. And you, you'd come up to me and you, you'd put your hand on my shoulder and you'd look me in the eye and you'd... You'd say "It's okay, Dad"
(pauses)
Dean, I'm sorry.
DEAN
What?
JOHN
You shouldn't have had to say that to me, I should have been saying that to you. You know, I put, I put too much on your shoulders, I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that, and you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know that I am so proud of you.**
By the time Lebanon comes around he's dealt with all this crap. He's had his moments of yelling about the unfairness of it all. He's dealt with his issues around Mary making the deal in the first place and not leaving them any warnings or explanations.***
Lebanon is about healing an old hurt that's been festering since he was 4 years old. It's giving him one last happy family meal. Why would he ruin that by yelling at John about things he's already dealt with?
SAM
How did this happen?
DEAN
I-I-I don’t know. You said that the – the pearl gives you what your heart desires, right? So, my heart desired – I – I’ve wanted this, man. I’ve – I’ve wanted this since I was 4 years old.
SAM
Okay, I know, and I-I-I-I love this, too, Dean. I do, honestly, but – but messing with time –
DEAN
No, no, no, Sam.
SAM
You know how this ends. Things change.
DEAN
Yeah, great – we got our family back together. I’ll take that change.
SAM
That’s not what I mean.
DEAN
Stop. Just stop, okay? Look, can – can we just have one family dinner? Just one? Us – all of us together. That’s all I want. Can you just give me that?****
I think sometimes people get so focused on what they'd like to see that they forget what would actually make sense for the characters. Dean's had his denouncements and Lebanon is about reaffirming his happiness on where he is now.
JOHN
No, son. My fight. It was supposed to end with me, with Yellow Eyes. But now you – you are a grown man, and I am incredibly proud of you. I guess that I had hoped, eventually, you would… get yourself a normal life, a peaceful life, a family.
[DEAN nods. He smiles.]
DEAN
I have a family.****
*03x10 Transcript
**02x01 Transcript
***See 12x22 Who We Are
****14x13 Transcript
#supernatural#dean studies#dean is allowed to have complex feelings about john#i know half you people complaining about Lebanon haven't even watched the episode#dean winchester
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this is meant lighthearted : instead of “all men are trash, women do no wrong” a secret third thing “PEOPLE suck in general”
as someone who grew up with an absent father who tried to make life difficult for my mother once she took him to court for child support for me and my siblings - ing…I grew up with a not nice view of older men BUT my grandpa was a big big influence in not making men a negative experience for us.
the recent shift of the last 4-5 years has been worrying. I used to liked jkr and could emphasize where she was coming from originally. but it was scary to see the gradual descent into where she is now and the stuff she is saying. Bc she is so far removed from what she originally stood for. It can happen to anyone, I even get worried if I’m on that slope sometimes. This whole situation had me second guessing myself bc I gave gnf time and believed in him. I had a moment when a few female creators made remarks (not from mc community) and I checked myself bc I was scared I was falling into the conservative rhetoric to blame women and protect men. Then I saw others who had more information and actually looked into it and also found this blog where the nuances were being discussed and let out a breath of relief that I was just using my critical thinking skills lmao
There are so many men out there who just aren’t given a chance bc society is set up for them to fall into a certain role. And I think a lot of men are trying to break that role and stereotypes. I became a dream fan bc I saw him doing this, saw a gamerboy in 2020 who was passionate and excelled at the game but didn’t fall into the toxicity of the space, actively fought against it.
and women should not be encouraged to drag men through hell bc they feel empowered by the rhetoric of recent years. women can and are just as selfish and shitty people as men. Sometimes they are worse
we’ve gone so far off center, we’ve essentially gone from one extreme to another. Which I learned two years ago was called terfs 😂 the movement needs to go back to its previous meaning. Feminism is not solely female empowerment it is the deconstructing of the patriarchal roles and belief that push men and women into boxes. Feminism, as I was taught over a decade ago, was the fight for women and MEN to be equal and have the same rights and opportunities. We can uplift women without putting down men. if this feminist movement doesn’t correct itself, it will allow more men like andrew tate to grow and influence young men.
The lack of female representation in the sphere cannot be corrected by women. It just can’t. Men need to be part of the change bc if the environment is not corrected, women cannot succeed and thrive. They can become successful but the hate and obstacles directed towards them is crazy. This is in general not just for streaming.
It can’t just be women solidarity, men need to learn and actively engage in calling out misogynist behavior. Women need to talk with their males friends and call them out when they say or act in disgusting ways. Women need to hold women accountable as well! It is unfair and unattainable to put female equality solely in the hands of women. We need to All work together.
Puffy is so good at this when she streams, especially on the smp. Hell, she even created a whole villain arc to call out the people telling her to “be a therapist to Tommy, omg your like dreams mom”. Puffy is awesome 🥹
men =/ bad
women =/ good
PREACH ANON
this breaks it all down so well and i really sympathize with you about having a poor view of some men in your life and trying to not let that influence your views but also not go so far off the other end that you end up blindly defending them without critical thinking.
Really important discussions and introspection about how your thought processes work that I think everyone should have at least once when situations like this come up
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"Hey, uh, can I --"
"Oh gosh, I remember you two!" called the girl from behind the counter of the Hot Topic. I could've sworn her teeth and nails looked a little sharper than last time we met. I could tell she was studying me too, her eyes dancing between my ears to catch any growth. Her eyes got caught on Anabella's wings too, but only for a second. "You got some jeans last time you were here, right? Did your ears get longer?
"Yeah, this is… kinda the only place where I can get stuff that accomodates a tail. Oh, and, um, they tend to do that, yeah," I blushed. About a month ago she had spent like a half-hour helping me find pairs that would fit. I took a deep breath, feeling my tail shake anxiously behind me. Ana giggled at that, which frustrated me, only making it wag more. Why bunnies had to have the most embarrassing tails on the planet was beyond me, but getting to hear it laugh was worth something. I was just thankful the cashier couldn't see.
"It's so shitty how few options y'all get," said the cashier like it had anything to do with her. I turned knowingly to Ana, who just ruffled her feathers and shook its head. "Anyway, can I help you find anything?"
I grinned, trying to hide my anxiety, and held a plastic bag out to her. "I, uh, need to make a return." She took the bag, opened it, and raised an eyebrow.
"Are these not the jeans you just bought like, three weeks ago?"
I blushed and tried to hide behind my ears. They're not quite long enough to do that yet - the best I could do was hide a bit of the blush creeping up from behind my mask. Being covid-conscious is cool, but really I just prefer to keep it covered so people hopefully fill in the gap with something a little more affirming than what's under it.
"Yeah, they just… Don't fit anymore." I gestured to the snug black sweats I was wearing. I had cut a hole in the back for my tail like I'd done for most of my pants, and turned to the side to show her. Ana would rib me for this choice later, calling me a show-off, but I swear it's not like that. That decision had nothing to do with how cute the cashier was.
"Ohh, because of the medication?" She said, "Or have you just been hitting the squats too hard?" I'd done a lot of wishing my face had the full-coverage fur some other girls have, and the amount of blushing I was doing wasn't making that wish go away. I wanted to look cool; I needed to look cool. That was at least fifty percent of the reason to even be in this shop in the first place.
"A little bit of both," I said sheepishly.
The girl behind the counter looked over her shoulder to nobody, then leaned in. "Technically, our policy doesn't allow returns after two weeks,' she started in a whisper. "But! That policy is bullshit and unfair and you seem cool, so no worries! It's important to be a good ally, or whatever."
After we got the returns handled, she helped me find some new ones, cut me a discount, and assured me I could return them whenever I needed to. At the rate I've been developing at, that's quite the relief. Anabella mostly floated around the conversation, speaking up only right as we crossed the threshhold to leave.
"You know she was staring at you constantly, right bestie?" it said matter-of-factly, adjusting a couple askew feathers. The task seemed to frustrate her quickly, and she never complained when I realigned them instead. Gave me something to do other than be a blushy mess.
"Yeah, people stare, whatever," I said quickly.
"You know what I mean." She shook its wings out and pulled them in.
"I'm gonna count it as another point for her being one of us," I chided, hopping along a step ahead of Ana. I wasn't not hoping to garner a little more attention.
"Sometimes people are nice and gay, Salem," said Ana, its voice like a hand waving my sentence away as she made the same motion with her actual hand and wing in tandem.
"And sometimes they're nice, gay catgirls. When have I ever been wrong?" My tail fluttered unconsciously - I was still getting used to it - and I crossed my arms triumphantly.
"When you decided to spend $200 on a bunch of pants that you knew wouldn't fit a month later," Ana giggled. My new ears were too good at picking up that noise; I nearly melted into it, but managed to stay strong.
---
Thank you @flightlessbirdgirl for letting me write with your character 🩶
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bitter/sweet— James Potter x fem!reader
angst (I guess?).
A/n: my first thing ever and it's shitty but I hope someone reads it and probably likes it. xoxo
if you said you're not jealous you would be lying and if there's something you're not is a liar. But it is hard admitting that your blood is now boiling in pure anger.
what is James doing talking like that to another girl- not just another girl; Lily fucking Evans. why is she laughing like that? and why is he so enchanted with her stupid smile?
you thought you had no right on being jealous for him, he is clearly not yours. you have made that really clear to him a million times. every time he kissed you with a little too much love, or when he acted like your boyfriend, you basically always told him to fuck off. oh but now you felt the need to punch yourself for every time you said something like that.
you and James were in some kind of situationship. you went to each other every time one of you needed to get distracted, for you the only rule was to not get attached romantically but he didn't cared about that, so it didn't took long for him to be starved for you. And sadly to you, he eventually wanted more of you, things you never actually felt ready for.
now it's been three weeks since you called it off and he seemed to be so over you it physically wounded you. laughing at the redhead comments, smiling charmingly at her while you watched from the other side of the room. your friends talking to you about something trivial that you couldn't pay attention to, you were busy watching the pair.
after a while she went away, she said she was going for a drink for them and offered everyone else something. it was hard to hate Lily, she was so sweet and caring, but the fact that James looked at her so lovingly made you sick.
when James catched your gaze, you send him that look he knew so well, the one he couldn't help but love. he followed you instantly when you got out of the Gryffindor common room finding you standing a little far from the door, already waiting for him.
"y/n..." he started but you interrupted him immediately.
"you like Evans now, huh?"
"what?"
you looked hurt, it surprised him a lot actually, the look on your eyes made him shiver. he wanted nothing but to hold you and love you, sadly you were much more complicated than that and he knew you wouldn't want his love. he tried a million times already.
"you seem really lovely together, it's just- I thought I would be a little harder to forget" you said, suddenly feeling brave enough to say shit that even you know is an unfair statement "you said you loved me"
He looked at your for a little while, his face portraying a million feelings: first you saw confusion draw on his face, it drastically changed to a sad look, then shame but finally it was filled with rage.
"well, fuck you!" his voice raised and he stepped back as if saying that to you hurt him more. he shook his head while taking little steps towards you, his mood moving to the next emotion.
"you never wanted me, y/n" said James slowly, now your head was slightly looking up so you could be face to face and not face to chest "and you know that I fucking tried".
his hand moved to your arm, even though his words were harsh his touch was gentle, almost as gente as the air of spring causing you to melt into his sad eyes.
"I know" he could barely hear you speaking, your voice was as low as a whisper.
he bend over you, your faces centimeters apart from each other.
"and I have been understanding, you don't like that stuff but I do" his voice now imitating yours, as sad and calm "so I let you go..."
"and now is my turn?" you asked laughing dryly, but he just nodded "oh"
"I'll always love you y/n, so much my heart hurts when I see her and not you. But you've made things clear" his hand stroke your face gently, you closed your eyes understanding that this was, somehow, your fault.
shortly after his hand reached your face, his lips reached yours. he kissed you softly, your heart stopped at the contact of not just your lips but your hearts and before you could kiss him back he moved, he wasn't in front of you anymore.
he gave you a last look and then he entered the common room, you saw through the door and you could see lily waiting for him with a white smile and her soft but intense hair. she looked warm and loving, he deserved that. you were the opposite.
you went to bed crying that day, thinking about how you could have done things differently if you wanted to.
you were bitter, so now you just hoped she was sweet.
#james potter#marauders#james potter drabble#james poter x reader#lily evans#james potter x y/n#james potter x you#marauders x y/n#marauders x reader#marauders x you#remus lupin#sirius black#hogwarts au#harry potter
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your husband oikawa being away in a tournament
this is kind of a pt2 so here it is pt1.
here it is pt3
It was June and late at night in Argentina. Your week has been really awful, staying up until 4am working and then waking up at 6am to go back to work. It has been pretty exhausting and for it’a worst, it has been almost three weeks since the last time you saw your husband.
The national team is participating in the volleyball’s nation league, a tournament that they play in different countries and lasts around six weeks. Oikawa Tooru plays for the Argentinian team as the setter and you were so proud of him. But you also miss him so much.
At 1 am when you were still trying to finish some stuff that your boss asked you to send them, your phone buzzed with a notification.
“are u awake?” instantly you felt a warm inside of you and forgot all your shitty week just with that text. You needed to see him and it seemed like he did too because you got a facetime call.
“You could have woken me up”
He laughed and that only made you miss him more. Despite you have been dating him for years and is normal for him to be some weeks away you would never really get use to it.
“I knew I wouldn’t, I saw that you saw the text. Besides you never go to bed without saying goodnight”
For what you could notice he was in the lobby of the hotel where they were staying. Behind him there were some of his team members and you could hear shouts and noise around him. He went a little a far from them to talk to you privately.
“Are you already heading to the stadium?” he nodded and did a little sideways look. You know that when he does that is because he is a bit nervous “You are amazing, do you know that? An amazing husband, friend and volleyball player. The best setter in the world”.
He looked at your eyes and was thankful for having you, because even miles away you knew when he was feeling a bit off and having self doubts, you always knew the right thing to say.
“And you look so good in that jacket that I can’t wait for you to come home”
He chuckled, loving the way you tease him.
“Actually you look way better on it than I do, especially when you are only wearing it and nothing else” your cheeks went a little red. You were the one to set the conversation in that tone, you could not complain, all your fault.
One of his teammates appeared behind him and tapped his shoulders. You blushed a bit more thinking that he may have heard you talking, but after nicely waving at you and told him it was time to go. Oikawa sighed, he didn’t want to finish the call, but told his teammate that will be there in a minute.
“Is it goodbye then?” he nodded “Good luck in your game. I’ll try to watch it”
“No, you won’t. The game is at 4am in Argentina” said emphatically. You looked at him puzzled asking him what he meant with that “I know that this last week you have been sleeping few hours, I can noticed it by your eyes, I much prefer you having a good night sleep that staying up watching my game”
You tried to opposed him but he just cut you off.
“Please do it for me”
He was being unfair, he obviously knew that you can’t say no when he has puppy eyes. So you agreed to him.
“I love you”
“Love you too, Tooru and now hurry up or the buss will leave you at the hotel”
“’kay, go to sleep and text me when you wake up tomorrow”
“I’ll do, bye…” he waved you and throw you a kiss before ending the call.
How is it possible that now you were missing him a little more than before??
You turned from your desk to the bed, the king size bed that he bought the moment you accepted to move in with him. Still had some things left to do for your work, but your boss will have to wait for them, anyways he doesn’t work on weekends.
The bed always feels so empty when Oikawa is away, but the message he sent you was what you needed. Just a simple “Goodnight <3”. You answered to it and fell back asleep.
You thought that by some sort of luck you instinctively would wake at 4am to watch the game, but Tooru was right when he said that you were tired. You fell like if you had been sleeping for hours while trying to find you phone lost between the sheets of the bed.
09:00 was bright in your phone once you found it. The game ended at least three hours ago. Before texting the setter that you were awake, you type the game in the browser to find the outcome.
They lost. 3-2 against France. You kept checking the stats of the game and read some news. They didn’t do a bad game, but they didn’t had a great start, so despite winning the third and fourth set, France could overcame them and win the fifth 19-17.
“are u okay?” you texted him instead of just saying you are awake. It didn’t took him more than two minutes to called you.
It should be 10 pm in Philippines where they were playing. When Oikawa appeared in your screen he was with one arm in his head laying on the bed. Probably already changed his clothes, because when he is out in a tournament he tries to sleep before 11pm.
“Did you sleep well?” A few years ago, you would have thought that he was evading the question you did to him not wanting to express his real feeling, but now you knew that he was being sincere, he really is more concerned about you.
“Yes I did. Had you already have dinner?”
“Yes, I just had come back to the room when i got your text… and yes… i’m fine” You tried to see if he was hiding something, but he really did look fine “We made some mistakes at the beginning, we corrected them and then it was just about their athleticism was better than ours”.
Both he and you noticed how much he have changed since coming to play in Argentina. You didn’t meet him in high school, but he told you everything about it. He used to had such an awesome team, but they never managed to get to the nationals. Oikawa used to blame himself and used to think that he was the problem all along, he was really self deprecating back then, therefore he didn’t have self esteem.
After graduating he decided to come to Argentina and try something new. Got hired by an Argentinian volleyball time. His first season wasn’t bad, they actually won the championship, but in his second one something changed and they started to loose. As he was used to he blame it all on himself. You tried to make him see that it wasn’t like that and some days he believed you, but others he would wake half as early and work twice as much. It was really hurting his body.
Halfway into the season they went to Brazil for a tournament. There he was reunited with an old friend. You didn’t knew if it was that, the sun or the beach, but something changed on him. He still puts the hard work and still is very disciplined, but if either way the things don’t go as planned, he doesn’t beat himself.
Despite the bad start, they won that season. You both got married and not long after that the Argentinian team offered him a spot in the roster. You thought that he would take some time to think about the proposal, at the end he would have to forget about playing for the country where he grew up, but he didn’t hesitate, in Argentina was his new life and was so happy to prove himself worth of it.
You got out of your thoughts when Tooru did a big yawn. Understandably he would be tired after a five set game.
“It’s okay if you want to sleep… tomorrow is a big game” he chuckled, he knew it was an important game and was so excited for it because he hadn’t play against them since the olympics “Have you had any chance to talk with them?”
“Yeah, today I saw Iwa-chan. He says hi and told me that he will visit us after the tournament”
“That’s cool! It has been a long time since the last time he was around”
“Yeah…” he said trying to stop a yawn, but it was inevitable.
“Tooru, let’s end the call, you should sleep… do it for me” you said the same thing he did and he noticed it.
“Can you keep this call going until I fall asleep?” he asked while lowering the light and accommodating his pillow.
“Do you want me to hear you snore?” he frowned and looked at you with his lower lip curled.
“I love you, despite you being sarcastic sometimes”
“I love you too Tooru, call me when you wake up”
“Will do. Goodnight”
He closed his eyes and didn’t take him long enough to fall asleep and start snoring (just as you said), but you kept the call going much more time that you would like to admit. He was sleeping so peacefully and you wonder what the Japanese boy did to you to be so in love with him.
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This imagine was longer than i thought and if you got to this part thank you and let me know if you want a pt 2 of the game against japan.
#haikyuu oikawa#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu imagines#oikawa toru fluff#oikawa x reader#oikawa tōru#hq oikawa#oikawa fluff#oikawa toru x reader#oikawa headcanons#oikawa imagine#oikawa x y/n
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The Happiness We Deserve
Chapter 7
Read it here on ao3
Rated E | 1k (11.6k total)
CW: None for this chapter
Jay stops by while Ian is still over
Chapter 1
I posted this yesterday and forgot to post it here too. Oops. 😅
An hour and a shared bowl later, they were pleasantly high and relaxed further into the couch. It was nice, sitting there with Ian and talking about everything and nothing. Ian told him about his cat, about his coworkers, about living in the city. Mickey told him about the Alibi and about his time in prison.
They ended up talking about Ian’s family, too. Ian listened eagerly as Mickey told him little stories about his nieces and nephews, embarrassing things about his siblings, things he did and didn’t like about their partners.
Everything seemed to click into place. They slipped back into a comfortable atmosphere. It may have been the beers or the weed, but Mickey was enjoying the evening.
They did not talk about their past beyond sharing a few remembered stories from childhood. They didn’t talk about how things were left between them; how their last real conversation had been while Ian was sick, how he had broken Mickey’s heart that day, or how he stopped visiting. They didn’t talk about the fact that he’d left without saying goodbye to anyone. Not just Mickey, but Lip and Liam and Carl and Debbie.
And that was okay. Mickey was fine with that. He didn’t want to bring up the shitty stuff; he wanted to enjoy laughing and talking with a friend that he hadn’t seen in a long time.
It was okay and Mickey was fine with moving on.
But that was a lie.
Because really, he wanted to scream and yell. He wanted to curse Ian for leaving things the way he did. He wanted to ask how he could do that, wanted to know if what he said he’d felt for Mickey were lies. How else could he have let him go so easily? He wanted to know if everything they’d gone through together had fucked him up as much as it had fucked up Mickey.
He wanted to know if maybe, maybe, Ian had lingering doubts. If maybe his heart still yearned for-
But Mickey wasn’t going to allow himself to dwell on any of that.
Instead, he smiled, and nodded, and laughed as Ian told him about his life. The one he lived apart from Mickey.
Mickey was finishing off their second bowl when the door to his apartment unlocked and swung open.
Jay appeared in the doorway, still dressed in his suit from work, with his overnight bag slung over one shoulder. His nose scrunched as he smelled the weed. “Mickey,” he said with a sigh, closing the door and locking it, “you know I don’t like it when-”
He turned around and cut himself off with a small, “oh.”
Ian looked about as startled as Mickey felt. His wild eyes darted to Mickey briefly before looking back to Jay, offering him a little wave. “Uh,” he said, “sorry.”
“I didn’t know he’d still be here,” Jay said stiffly.
“I didn’t know you’d be comin’ by,” Mickey said, feeling a little annoyed. He knew that was unfair; Jay had a key and an open invitation.
“Yeah, well. I texted you when I left the office. I took the morning off tomorrow, so I figured we could…” He trailed off with a wave of his hand, but didn’t put down his bag or remove his jacket. “But if you’re busy-”
“No,” Ian said with a firm shake of his head, “I’m not staying much longer.” He looked down at his watch. “I should actually be getting back to the hotel. Doug will be waiting up for me.” It was a lie; he’d already told Mickey that Doug had gone to bed before he’d even come over. The model had a ridiculously early call time and needed rest. Mickey wanted to call Ian out on it, but he held his tongue.
“It was good to see you,” Jay said before Ian had even moved from the couch. With a clearly annoyed glance at Mickey, Jay disappeared into the bedroom. The door shut with a soft click.
“Um,” Ian said, laughing nervously and rubbing his thighs with his hands, “I don’t think he likes me very much.”
“I know he doesn’t,” Mickey said with a snort. “But that’s okay. Makes sense, after all.” He should have stopped talking, but he was high and his mouth was moving before his brain could even process the words. “It’s not often that your boyfriend is visited by the one who got away.”
They both froze. The room was completely silent for a moment, before Ian cleared his throat. “The what?”
“Nothin’,” Mickey said quickly, setting the bong on the coffee table and standing from the couch. “I didn’t say nothin’, and you didn’t-”
“It’s okay, Mick,” Ian interrupted. His voice was strained, like it physically hurt him to say the next words. “You got away from me, too.”
Emotion rushed through Mickey. Anger, confusion, desperation, sadness. I didn’t go anywhere, he wanted to shout, you could have had me if you’d just stayed.
He swallowed it all down, clenching his fists as Ian rose from the couch. “I’ll call you an uber,” he said, pulling his phone from his pocket. Opening it, he saw that he did, in fact, have a missed call and three new texts from Jay.
Ian’s hand fell on his arm, warm and rough. Just like everything else about this older version of Ian, it was both foreign and familiar. Mickey made the mistake of looking up. Ian was so close.
His eyes were intense. His tongue darted out to wet his lips and his brow creased for a moment. “Mickey.”
Mickey felt his face flush and his eyes sting with the familiar feel of unshed tears. “Ian.” His voice shook.
Ian darted forward and Mickey’s breath stopped as his warm mouth landed on his cheek. “Thanks for tonight,” Ian murmured against his skin. And then he was gone, leaving Mickey standing in the middle of his apartment with one hand clenched around his phone and the other pressed to his cheek.
Mickey wiped angrily at his eyes and stomped over to his door, locking it behind Ian. Then he went to his bedroom, standing in front of the door and taking a few deep, measured breaths before pushing it open.
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We have heard your gospel on the shitty finale. Now, dear prophet, I humbly ask for your fix-it ideas
OK SO
you said FIX IT... so how would i fix it. oh in so many ways. but to make what we had WORK, its simple. ive said it before and i will say it again. 3 simple things:
- having no way back to amphibia is treated by the characters as something unfair and theyre all very broken up about it, especially anne. she's inconsolable. shes not accepting just cuz omg i changed i will just take every bad thing life keeps throwing at me here throw some more
- we get to see anne reunite with her parents when shes back (sasha and marcy with theirs too would be nice but thats another can of worms to open)
- after the trio hug in the timeskip, have an actual open end where we see a light flash when they walk off screen. like they went... Somewhere 😳 thatd be cool, like have they opened it before? is this the first time? is it even a portal? dont know, actual open end ✌️
(people keep saying what we got was an open end and the more i think about it the more i call bs. it wasnt open ended they just didnt go back to amphibia and ur in denial. cry about it ig)
anyways id be so happy with an ending like that. im not even changing much its just adding 3 things.
(also id probably skip on the trio growing apart and shit. like i keep saying, i dont think them growing apart in the situation where amphibia is closed for good works out. its just weird. like yeah we close this chapter that totally didnt mark us for life and we move on 🤟 BUT AGAIN JUST LIKE SASHARCYS PARENTS, THATS ANOTHER CONVO)
AS FOR AN ACTUAL FIX IT... to make exactly what we got work we'd have to rewrite the whole thing. not make it about saving the world, not making it so much about family, changing everything. cuz that ending just shits on everything lmao if the ending we got actually worked then amphibia would have to be a completely different story
ANYWAY a fix it would be what i said. tbh i like it when u add those 3 things. its genuinely bittersweet like that. it makes me angry about how its only 3 simple little things that couldve been added and i wouldve been content. but whatever
HOWEVER, A DELUSIONAL ENDING THAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY WOULD BE: annes given 3 full stones, bc i dont see why tf not if she meets god. i mean if its gonna be nonsensical then lets be nonsensical all the way and have 3 stones. each of them get one, and they can use it to travel back and forth by themselves. each time they have to charge it.
this means they dont usually Go together. they go separately, and if theyre ever in amphibia at the same time they might not even know. sasha always warps at toad tower, anne in wartwood, marcy in newtopia. they go to amphibia for their own purposes and business. and thus the trio grows apart.
it makes more fucking sense, ofc i think the trio growing apart makes sense, it just Doesnt when you add it up with closing off amphibia forever lol. but with amphibia being accessible i totally see it. theyre all doing their own stuff and making their own friends (both human and amphibians). even like this, after what they went through, sasha anne and marcy are intertwined for life. no matter how much time passes, how different they become, theyre unique to each other. they always come back to each other at one point. other than that, amphibia is open, they get to grow up in a place they love with people they love without having to sacrifice choosing one or the other bc that Sucks Ass and they've been thru enough, and have enough mental scars that will keep haunting them even after if they get to thrive in both worlds
this version is kinda. unrealistic. i get it. but the realistic ending we got was bullshit and shitted on everything, its sad and not to mention Boring. i think this ver still gets the point across (point that was already made so many times in the show anyway), sprig and anne grow up together, anne still becomes a herpetologist but now instead of fucking tragic and sad its very fun and cute, sasha has a getaway from her chaotic homelife and can be with grime who never ever EVER left her side, marcy gets to become close to olivia like shes failed to do and hence gain an actual mother figure in her life, etc etc. hehe
(and as adults sasha and marcy choose to move to amphibia. or as teenagers they just straight up stay there. but thats another convo as well)
i actually do enjoy a version where they only go back after 10 years and they have to reconnect, its fun to explore, but it never stops being Sad. i think of it and make hcs about it and comics about it but it never stops being full on sad ending to me and when i remember its not just a fun concept im exploring, its the genuine ending we got that is supposed to be Good and Satisfying, i become enraged. i continue not to see the sweet in the bitter. i wish people would at least admit its full on a very sad ending instead of pretending it was something else (people who liked it say it makes them want to d1e or say "idk i just like sad endings" so u agree. u agree it is a sad ending where characters end up sad)
anyways. kind of a stupid ramble here. i love amphibia (kicks the ending on the throat)
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https://www.planetf1.com/news/charles-leclerc-2023-f1-title-lewis-hamilton-george-russell/
Have you seen this? What do you think about the part about Binotto gravitating towards sainz?
Warning this has become a bit of a rant..
I have to start this off by saying that I personally can not take anything that Pete Windsor (the "source" in this article) says seriously.
There are for sure things where he knows his stuff! But all of these behind the scenes relationships and who should go where in the future is just creative nonsense to me.
in this case in particular he picked a shitty example for the technical attitude and wishes of the drivers because well he got the driver preferences wrong.
There are many other things in there that tell me that he has actually not paid much attention to Ferrari all that much.
I do think he is right about the 50:50 thing.
But also just in general I feel like this narrative that Binotto preferred Carlos is getting ridiculous now. I do think that Carlos got some extra attention in terms of what he wants from the car but I don't think that that was done because Binotto liked him more or because he was more adamant in asking for it.
Much like the bad strategy calls I think it came from a wanting to maximise the team result perspective. More of a Charles will be fine either way and if Carlos is more comfortable the team result will be better.
I think this entire narrative of some borderline malicious intent in not favouring Charles is some weird sensationalist way of trying to explain what happened last season.
Obviously we don't know what their actual relationship was/is like but Binotto seemed much closer to Charles than Carlos. To the extent where earlier in the season people commented on it and said it was unfair to Carlos. And I'm sorry but I do not view Binotto as some sort of mastermind that would put that on just for show.
Also if you listened to what he said about the drivers I don't get that feeling. Yes he wasn't as explicit in calling Charles the favourite as Elkann was. But he did say it. And the whole we don't have a Nr1 & 2 to me never really read as "oh we are favouring Carlos" and more as a trying to keep everyone happy and focusing on the team result thing.
I don't think focusing on the team result was the right way to go about all the time last season but it's also not like some huge conspiracy.
Sorry this ended up being much more of a rant than I ever planned. I've just read too much lately and it's had to come out.
But people are going to be real surprised when Fred doesn't announce a driver hierarchy in Bahrain or even halfway through the seasons the same way that they are surprised that Rueda hasn't been fired yet.
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wait I legit thought that the rat dad figure being (?) in TMNT was extremely neglectful and that's why the four stick together because they essentially had to raise themselves alone while hiding from the rest of society?
Like that's why they're big on fighting/being strong is because they had to protect each other from whatever dangers might come and try getting rid of them all for being mutants and stuff.
Also thought they grew up in the sewers and had to climb out and steal a few things at night and that's why they dressed up as ninjas originally. So they could steal food/some supplies and like not die of starvation or whatever
(I have not seen any versions of the show and have only a vague understanding of TMNT. It sounds like it's ripe for dysfunctional family dynamics possibly??)
GHAGHAG OK SOOOO THE THING ISSSS THAT I HAVE A LOT OF OPINIONS ON SPLINTER and the nature of abuse/neglect in the tmnt franchise BUT
the thing is that there are a lot of versions of TMNT that I haven't seen, including any original/old versions or comics SO mind you that my opinions here are also mostly crafted through cultural osmosis, and some vague memories of comics/tv shows. the only tmnt show ive watched in its entirety has been the 2018 version (ROTTMNT).
THAT BEING SAID: I don't think its unfair to call most versions of splinter kind of bad parents. theres definitely versions of him that are barely parents at all, really more of a Master figure who teaches the turtles to fight and trains them, than like, a Dad. 2018 is prolly the most Dad like one (they even call him dad and pops and stuff)
the thing is that TMNT can be either incredibly lighthearted or really really angst-y. They do live in the sewers cause they can't usually live above ground with people, but this really ranges from "all humans hate and fear them and will attack them on sight" to "they just need to stay in the shadows and make sure they dont spook anybody" and sometimes it barely matters at all and people are just like "wow cool costumes guys"
and so in those lighthearted versions, while splinter might not be portrayed as a really cool great dad, he is usually a really cool great NINJA MASTER. so any kind of symptoms of neglect that could come from not being raised by PARENTS is usually forgotten/hand waved because who needs parents when you have your brothers??? COwabunGA lets go eat pizza :)
and thats FINE thats the tone they're going for its ok, even if logically it would be an emotional nightmare. this is a show about teenage mutant ninja turtles its ok to not be logical.
im actually not sure why they're ninjas, apart from Master Splinter training them to BE ninjas. though there are definitely versions where they're being hunted/seen as threats and that's why they need to Get Good at fighting.
so to recap: splinter isn't always portrayed as a good person or a good guardian, but usually the story doesn't really delve into that or frame it as abuse/neglect. sometimes he's "too harsh" or "too cold" but usually nothing deeper than that.
WHICH BRINGS US TO RISE OF THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES, the 2018 version that ive watched all of.
THE THING ABOUT ROTTMNT is that they made me uncomfortable by making jokes about splinter being a neglectful shitty dad, which i made a whole post about a while ago. and while they did make him a better dad LATER on it really really weirded me out how his neglect wasn't super focused on except for like. one or two episodes??
the thing is that splinter needs to be neglectful so that the boys can go out and have adventures and I GET THAT I REALLY DO as a storyteller some things just need to be hand-waved I GET IT. BUT. why draw attention to it if you dont plan on there being long term affects???
the only result seems to be that he Becomes a Better Dad but I can tell you first hand if my parents did a turn around like that it would NOT fix everything and I GUESS i'm just weirdly disappointed that they pointed out the neglect, made jokes about it, and then didn't reallyyyy go into it more. I mean im sure if I wanted to I could go into analysis mode and be like "well these character arcs could point to the ways neglect has effected them" but to be HONEST that'd probably be more me projecting than anything else.
AND LIKE. if they didn't want to discuss neglect why even bring it up???
and your point about it being a set up ripe for familial abuse/dysfunction is TRUE, but is also hardly ever the focus of the story. sure the stories focus on interpersonal issues, but its almost never framed through the lens of "these kids are being neglected" or "the reason they're having interpersonal issues because of the neglect they suffer" because well. that's just not very cowabunga. that's not very Kids Show. why not just have Raph and Leo fight over being the leader or again or something that's still a conflict but its less existentially draining.
and like MAYBE there's a version out there, some obscure comic run or something, that addresses all these issues and gives me the catharsis I crave BUT UNTIL THEN I will continue redrawing childhood memories of my shitty family superimposed onto TMNT characters.
SORRY for this huge, loosely jumbled together ramble but you activated my tmnt abuse/neglect fixation trap card
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Hopelessly Safe
Inspired outtake from Dancing on my Own.
For @multi-fandom-fanfic (🐹) & @m0nstergeneration20xx who wanted to know what happened between Mei and Atsumu
Blurb pairing: miya atsumu x (mei) x hint at platonic!yn by end
Rating: 17+ language!
Notes?: I like to see Miya witness how much Mei was temporary while when looking at yn & Suna, he regrets not seeking you out after going pro. Photo link is a suggested pose, not necessarily the actual outfit for the NYE party mentioned.
They say it’s impossible to forget about first loves. Surely now at the ripe age of thirty does Miya Atsumu’s metaphorical heart ache. There amongst his possessions on the counter from the cleaning lady is a wedding invitation of one of his friends from high school. Close enough to be brothers, the pudding cup blonde glances down at the formal kanji next to Suna’s name. To say it preceded with the abbreviation ‘doctor’ has him impressed. He scoffs as he checks the attending box. Don’t get it twisted, Atsumu really does care for you, he has a fucking shitty way of showing it, but he does. He comes to all your post-practice meets since Suna has asked him to and together you bond over onigiri. You rarely bring up Mei when impromptu meets happen like this and though Suna does arrive at Samu’s shop, Atsumu blends into the background, but when he hears you tell Suna you were just there to keep an old captain company, Atsumu nearly bursts into tears.
“He thinks he doesn’t deserve your kindness, yn,” Suna holds your hand. “Or whatever amicable friendship you have now.”
“Well, that’s too bad then,” you shake your head. “I was really hoping to ask him and Samu to stand behind me when you call me your wife. Girls are so damn dramatic.”
Suna laughs, asking if you had a concussion lately. You wave him off with a just kidding look, but you focus back to the door where Atsumu had walked you through.
“Hmm, I wonder if one of my colleagues might be interested in going as his plus one?”
“What was that?”
“Nothin’ Suna,” picking up an umeboshi rice ball, you stuff his mouth with it. “Don’t worry about it.”
Memories he has of the fiancé with fierce eyes encased behind glass tears at Suna’s house burns bright in his mind. You were highly upset at his now fling of an ex, Mei’s words, not his. Now dating Mei wasn’t a big mistake, sure he could have done without the hooking up or the popularity gossip in his friend group, yet Atsumu learned to be a reckless lover too. Mei was everything you were not: bold, funny, put Samu in his place as a joke, but one night right before he was to leave for Osaka, he discovers just how unfair Mei was treating their fragile relationship. Caught being seen leaving the movies with another “bad boy”, even going so far as to lie and say she was single is when Atsumu saw red.
He gives her a brief text, the photo was damning evidence. The argument blew up his phone until she sent a rolling eye emoji with the attached, “whatever loser. who chases dreams of professional athleticism anyways? you’re not even that great.” He walks down the busy collegiate street by the university he didn’t know you’d attend. Breezing by a cafe on the corner, he hears your familiar voice, it’s bit more distinct than he remembers. The words cut into his psyche and his shoulders are slumped impossibly low, even for a six-foot tall volleyball rookie. He’s angry, alone, and hurt, you can tell who it is as he walks by with watery eyes. Two years they dated on and off, you remember because Osamu would feed you hints about an impending break up soon. How soon. You didn’t think it would be before the month ended, but here you were running after the setter like you did in the hallway of Inarizaki.
“Atsumu?…” he doesn’t turn around. “Hey! Miya Atsumu!”
When he does, his ochre eyes see you in jeans and a shirt he doesn’t recognize right away. It has an anchor on it as well you typically are the anchor for the 4x4 swim relay. A couple seconds go by before his feet move on their own to bury you in a bear hug. You’re both nearly twenty by now and you don’t mention how his shoulders shake when he chokes out a childish, “Ah shoulda listened t’ya.” You understand almost immediately, and those coworkers of yours are curious why the handsome stranger hugs you so close. One offers to cover your shift because it is perceived he was an old flame who must have came to his senses.
“Let’s get out of here, yeah?” You whisper, running your fingers through his undercut. He nods, drying his eyes on his sleeve.
If there is one thing you learned about being with either Miya is that no matter what, they can be pretty self-destructive. Osamu, you learn, averages three to four hours a night since his restaurant took off after launch. Atsumu? Atsumu found refuge in bottles. He doesn’t develop a problem persay, but you throw away the full cases he bought with his first few signing checks the more you frequent his house. Even on three occasions, you’ve come to the bar post victory, at the behest of Meian. Atsumu is too far tipsy and not sober enough to get him home, and he’s whining about his ex. Again. For the fourth time that week.
“He’ll listen to you,” is all Meian says. “The boys can’t seem to pull him out of this funk.”
You sigh, agreeing with the observation by his captain. The guys make way for you to walk to the couch where his lamenting pauses when you crouch down, looking up at how far an Icarus could have drowned.
“Miya fucking Atsumu,” your tone is deliberate and irate. “Get your shit together. Don’t wallow and waste away here in some bar. Show that bitch ass ex-girlfriend, my worse toxic friend, you’re better than what she said. You hear me?”
You slap your hands to cup his cheeks and the team flinches at the sound. It seems his sobriety started then. His eyes grow wide with fear or adrenaline, you can’t decipher until you choose to do something no sane person would do. It’s something not even Suna knew about and this was a good two years b e f o r e you two started dating.
You shock Atsumu, the person whom you thought you had feelings for back when you were eighteen, by taking none of his bullshit excuses when your lips close on his own. The kiss is harsh, riding, and stone cold. Neither of you process what happened, just knew that it did. His arms wrap around you as he leans into your surprise display of affection; it ignited something carnal within himself, and by default, you. For whatever reason, Atsumu’s eyes shut tightly, committing the way you feel, taste, and when he does return your act, you gasp, slightly chuckling into his agape lips. He has to have known you have moved on away from him and you’ve aligned yourself with his middle blocker friend from high school. And though it was a fatal blow as his lips pressed against the corner of your mouth again, Atsumu pushes you away, panic induced features written all over his face when realized what he had done. Tanned brows furrow as his eyes raise to meet yours, you who sat on his lap now, his breathing a bit rushed—you hum with a nod whispering, “it’s going to be ok,” whilst waving away the rest of the team to give you both some space.
“Why?”
There is a child like and yet embarrassed nature to the way he asks you. His grip on your clothing never ceases. You hush him with tracing your hands over his white knuckles on the edge of your coat.
“I loved you first,” you tell your truth, cupping his cheek less harshly than before. A soft smile graces your lips as you press a gentle peck on his brow.
“‘tsum, I think it’s time you know,” you sigh a you tilt his face to see you Mei just copied everything from me. Everything you liked down to arcade games, I liked them too. So please, don’t destroy yourself because you had received the wrong kind of love.”
He nods, thanking whoever watched his shoulders gave him a sturdy wall of a friend like you.
“Promise?” you tease holding up your pinky.
Atsumu links his with yours and gives it a shake.
“Swearing on mah life,” he says.
“Good. Now let’s get you home. What d’ya say?”
You stand up, turn around slightly and extend your hand to him. An olive branch of years worth of forgiveness exchanged for a good natured soul to encapsulate his learning one is worth the years of friendship afterward.
And so nothing transpired from this kiss or event. Miya goes on to reserve tickets for you and a nurse colleague and when he feels up for it, your friend asks him to sign her jersey with his number. Eventually, life goes back to the balance that he knows: season opener, Olympic qualifier, worlds qualifier, off seasons filled with cheat days with you and the boys™️, etc.
Presently, it’s practically six years to the date, his calendar alarm goes off with little party hats as text chime goes off. The sealed envelope of his RSVP is ready to be hand delivered to Suna tomorrow night. Sure Atsumu thinks it’s the best honor to have been part of your journey in falling for Suna, even going so far as to act like a spy when Suna was dead set on marrying you. You may have mentioned you liked stackable jewelry one day when you were hanging out at Onigiri Miya.
“Think Suna thought about askin’ ya to marry ‘im?” The blonde teases, a slap to his arm makes him scowl. “The hell was that fer?”
“Ya ain’t slick Tsum!” You hold up his phone conversation with Suna. It goes back to the start of this year. “And what I tell ya about using my birthday as yer passcode?”
“But yer mah best friend! Can’t I use it to deflect creeps at the bar?”
“Does Suna know?”
“He thinks it’s fucking funny.”
You groan, laughing a few seconds later with Atsumu who comes around to finally being his old self again. Crude, annoyingly loud, but the best adult friend after his brother in arms to you ever. He loves you, more than you’ll ever know, but when you saw him at his lowest, you lent a hand in his healing journey and his family couldn’t be anymore grateful. Osamu and mama Miya especially. Suna was never jealous, by the way, he always forewarns his old captain, “yn liked me a lot longer after you made the worse mistake when we were still young brats.” Atsumu reluctantly agrees, yet when he sees Suna slip the ring on your finger it shines just as brilliantly as you did that misty morning in the wildflower field.
Reflecting back at your best moments in your steady friendship with him, Atsumu notices you sent a text and as it stands, his heart learnt to feel hopelessly safer when you’re rooting for him on the other side of the line.
【Ｈａｐｐｙ ｓｅｖｅｎ ｙｅａｒｓ ｓｏｂｅｒ Ａｔｓｕｍｕ！
— attached 1.jpg】 XX—yn
Attached is an old photo where he’s kissing your cheek at 12:01 AM at the MSBY!NYE party dinner. The team is grateful their setter has a ‘found family’ friend in you; it’s clearly written on the smiles of the surrounding teammates at the party. And you? You’re laughing at the camera because for all the trouble being associated with the Miyas (and after one year of being with Suna then), you’re proud to have loved them the best way you knew how.
//
Brief Mei update:
Currently a stay at home single mom from one of the ,any one night stands she had post breaking up with Atsumu. She recognizes her mistakes and lives with regretting everyone has had their chance at happiness. Hers eventually comes at reconnecting with her child’s father when their kid turns six. They reconnect over grocery shopping, eventually putting the pieces together as to why Mei might have ran after she confirmed she was ‘late.’ As far as anyone knows, Mei lives abroad now, last known update was a family photo taken in New Zealand via instagram. Will Mei’s child ever know of their mom’s horrid nature? Maybe not yet since they are too young to understand, but best believe when they are a little older, Mei comes to terms with her misdeeds when she teaches her child cheating and pretending you’re something you’re not is wrong. However, when asked about her first love, Mei is quoted as saying she once loved a boy whom her first ‘real’ friend loved too.
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Theory addendum: why Stolitz will not in fact be Stockholm syndrome.
Hi, guys,
So I made a theory response yesterday (you can check it out here: https://www.tumblr.com/thenotificationmachine/708793464871092225/theory-response-why-stolitz-might-actually-be?source=share) to @stolitzy's defence of Stolitz not being Stockholm syndrome and... I think my response was TOO effective. Not only did I defend my view, I also shattered her faith in Stolitz to the point that she had a personal crisis. So yeah, NOT a good move in hindsight.
After some reflection and a talk with her, I've decided to amend my theory and say that Stolitz won't be Stockholm syndrome.
"But how?" I hear you ask, " as you pointed out, all the signs are there! And stolitzy had no defence for that!" You (and my theory) are right about Stolitz having all (or at least most of) the hallmarks of Stockholm syndrome, but as stolitzy pointed out in her initial post, there actually is a good argument for why it isn't Stockholm syndrome.
Don't misunderstand me, all the signs are there and if normal logic was applied it probably WOULD develop into that, but it isn't that because Viv, the Spindlehorse team and the vast majority of Helluva's fanbase will NEVER ALLOW IT to be that. They all want Stolitz to be this 100% perfect ship with no blemishes given time, and so the current miscommunication is likely the most trouble the ship will ever be in given how quickly the writers jumped from the emotional turmoil in "the Circus" to the overly saccharine stuff in "Seeing Stars".
Call it bad storywriting or an act of mercy for the ship depending on your preferences, but whatever the case may be, Stolitz might end up going down as the Stockholm syndrome ship that never was.
...Or not, since I have to confess that I've overanalysed the hallucination scene from "Truth Seekers" before, more specifically the appearances of the antagonists...
Take Mr. Shitty Clown over here, for example. Given how he's styled like an old rubber hose cartoon and Blitz's reactions to him and Robo-Mr. Shitty Clown, I theorised that he's like this because Blitz just sees him as a bouncy irritant/pest who lives to entertain others, when in fact he's seemingly like this just because Viv and co. liked the idea of that style.
As such, my analysis of Striker's grainy/greyscaled appearance being due to Blitz's perception of him being darkened by his assassination attempt on Stolas was also wrong.
But the BIGGEST (and most painful to admit) mistake was my analysis of Verosika's appearance in the scene.
You see, I looked at how she had the most "realistic" appearance (in terms of the show's usual animation style), visible tear streaks, the fact that she got the closest to Blitz out of all of them and the fact that Blitz's eyes are filled with a blue line that looks suspiciously like they're filling up with tears and came to the logical conclusion that Verosika was the closest to Blitz romantically and that in this moment he understood how much he hurt her and was genuinely remorseful. When all this analysis was added to hallucination Stolas holding him on a chain and him blushing on it and I immediately jumped to the Stockholm syndrome conclusion.
This all seems like a perfectly logical conclusion, simply thwarted by the fact that Viv and co. hadn't looked at the scene as deeply as my theorising self, until you take one more very important factor into account; my MASSIVE bias towards Verosika.
Yeeeaaahhh... So I have to admit that both this analysis and the entire "Stolitz is Stockholm syndrome" theory was likely unconsciously influenced by me being a Verosika stan and thus believing that her genuine loving relationship with Blitz (which the latter, not her, sabotaged) deserves a second shot once he goes through some character growth and that Stolitz is unfair robbery. As such I was always going to be biased against the ship and also missed the obvious sunlight behind hallucination Stolas, which stolitzy pointed out symbolises how Blitz views him as his hope. Then again, this could ALSO be proof of the Stockholm syndrome theory being correct regardless of my bias; guess it's up to you to decide.
But regardless of whether my overanalysis, Verosika bias and preference for Blitzika over Stolitz disprove the Stockholm syndrome theory or not, the latter ship will still never be Stockholm syndrome since, like with the Orks in Warhammer 40k being able to breathe in space until they're told they need spacesuits to do so, the collective Stolitz fanbase (including the Spindlehorse team and Viv herself)'s collective power of belief will make sure it never turns into such a thing and instead miraculously develops into a stable, healthy relationship.
#helluva boss#vivziepop#rebuttal of a theory rebuttal#stolitz won't be Stockholm syndrome even though it probably should be by all normal logic#I get too enthusiastic when theorising#I'm a Verosika stan and I admit it#whether this theory holds water or not is up to you guys#I'm probably biased though#sorry stolitzy#Waaagh! Stolitz
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Getting sick of seeing it so wanna say something real quick.
It's okay to dislike shows/comics/books and also the creators of said media.
I dislike JKR because of her conduct and reading into the hidden antisemitism and mysoginy that's present in her books has ruined my reading experience of them.
BUT
No matter how much you dislike something you cannot start spreading lies about it.
I've seen this happen with Steven Universe and Rebecca Sugar, to a point this woman was called a NAZI by people!
SHE'S EFFIN JEWISH! (or at least she was raised that way)
I have seen this with Villainous and KO Lets be Heros and a bunch of more shows.
Lately it's been a lot of Vivziepop drama and honestly
it is exhausting!
See, I am someone who looks into every allegation because I don't want to just believe everything I come across (A friend was lied about once and it ruined him for a few years so I know how shitty it can be)
But the amount of LIES I have seen lately
and not just small lies or stuff that was personal and dragged up for no good goddamn reason, no, big lies, is staggering!
Sometimes it is something like;
bad rumors about a show not treating their workers right, I look into it and find out there was personal beef between two of the staff members that had NOTHING to do with the show and is therefore just petty drama that should not have been mentioned but it was shown as a big thing over wich the show should be canceled.
Or it's about someone making a mean comment about (insert group of people here)and therefore they are a horrible, terrible, no good person that should not be endorced and I look into it to see that the comment was made in a private chat as a JOKE with the one making it being PART OF THAT GROUP!
These two situations ACTUALLY happened.
I will not mention the fandoms because I am not about to get into it with anyone.
I am TIRED!
So just to be clear on what I am saying here;
If you dislike stuff, great, do that and then move on with your life.
You wanna tell us why you dislike this stuff? Sure, go ahead, make yourself be heard.
BUT
If you make a callout post/thread/what-have-you and you say shit about people/shows it is on YOU to make DAMN SURE that what you are saying is FACTUAL! NOT FAKE!
It takes research and effort to make call-outs and warn others about someone/something dangerous.
You have to look into EVERYTHING you heard because people, especially people who already dislike someone/something, will lie to you about that person/show, either because they themselves don't know any better or out of malice!
It is on YOU not to spread lies and give into subjective feelings when you are trying to give the FACTS on something/someone.
If you cannot do the research YOU SHOULDN'T MAKE THAT KINDA STUFF!
Also, if you reblog/retweet/ share anything that is handled as a call-out you also have to make sure that what is being said is factual and not just personal opinion or lies, otherwise you are being an idiotic, fearmongering ASSHOLE!
TLDR
Stop just believing shit, look into allegations, especially if they are bad and use your brain before simply sharing things, otherwise you are taking part in spreading lies in an uncontrolled and unfair manner.
I am so so tired now but thank you for reading
CU
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Just gonna keep living in that little 5-10 minute window when he got back. That was the bestest feeling I’d had in so long. That want he had for me, the playfulness, everything. I got so deep into a sub zone but then afterwards I just dropped like mad. All the anx I’d had while he had been away came crashing back into my head straight after. I didn’t know how to act. My brain kept telling me things were different. Kept tryna prove this stupid bias.
It crushed me what he said last night. How I had made him feel. But not only that, him saying I was the problem. I was saying thoughts I shouldn’t have. I was manifesting them.
I just feel like I fucked up on day 1. I just wanted to settle back into us. I wanted to do nice things for him, I had the evening envisioned in my head. We were just gonna lay together and hold eachother for an hour or so, talking about the time apart. I wanted it to just get really intimate without the sex, I wanted that tension lingering in the air. I wanted that playful side of him, that eagerly wanting side of him to show and not be for a brief moment. I wanted to bake the treats I thought so hard about. I tried to make something he’d love. I’d made them twice this week and they came out great. Maybe because I rushed to make them when he called me to say he had left. Idk. But I just wanted him to eat them and be like “omg this is the nicest thing” not like the utter most best but be wow’ed or something. I proper focused on that, he said it was something he wanted me to do for him, bake him stuff. I made lemon coz that’s his fav. I tried to make soft bake coz that’s his fav. It meant a lot to me and his response was “it’s just a cake”. It just wasn’t nice to feel like a failure when I was already so on edge and feeling anxy and the one thing I tried hard on just flopped. He said I put no effort in, didn’t show him any love. But I was trying. I tried to tell him it would be different when he came back. Because it was for me, it takes time for me to readjust. I still felt upset for him not being around for so long. I understand all his reasonings for why he couldn’t talk etc. but I still felt how I did. I did feel abandoned. And I took care of myself throughout that. I’d put a wall up coz I felt hurt. I can’t just knock that down the second he walks through the door. I’m annoyed at him drinking to such an excess. Annoyed at him smoking without mentioning it to me. Annoyed at him flirting with grim older women and then telling me days after ? Maybe it’s unfair, but I just can’t deal with separation for that period of time. All the little things get amplified. I don’t know how to word it to him. He’s me favourite person. My world revolves around him. So when he’s not there, when I don’t hear from him, it sends me into a spiral. And I think I done super well coping. He said I had expectations, but so did he. He wanted more physical contact, he wanted me to show more stuff. It’s a two way thing. We both had ideas of how eachother were gonna be when he got back. I just hope I can move past all these shitty feelings. I woke up so stressed and anxy that I’d pissed him off, that he’d be like “wasn’t even worth it coming home”. Maybe he’d realised he hasn’t actually missed me that much. Idk my head is going mental thinking all these things and he says I shouldn’t say them to him. So I’ve either gotta vent it here or just bury it and ignore it… but it’s not so easy. Everything has heightened so much these last ten days. Lots of old habits coming back. Lots of. What I’ve traits unraveling. I wish I could just redo yesterday. But I can’t. And I’m just worried it’s gonna be a trend of me fucking things up again today and tomorrow. I’m shit scared of actually being clingy how I want to me, diving full on into giving that affection and then him saying he’s tired or his mood is off or he needs to catch up on his messages from his phone. Just anything like that. I guess I’d rather amplify my “silly thoughts” and sabotage stuff than actually feeling hurt or dismissed by him and it actually coming from him, and not me instigating it.
How do I make it better today. I want to not be grumpy, but I’m super emotional. I want to give him affection and spoil him. I’m just worried about so much. And I feel like I can’t even talk to him about it anymore. I’ll just have to see how today goes and if it ends in tears again
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Things that happened in the few months that I need to let go here or I’m going crazy. So make a tea and enjoy while shaking your heads
TW: drinking/ vomiting
No editing, so there could be many writing mistakes!
So where can I actually start?
Y’all don’t know how happy I am that it’s a new year but even that, it started soooo shitty that I lost my way on life ( no joking)
Last year was hell, my ‘friends’ showed their true colors so I was mostly on myself ( only one friend, let’s call her L, was on my side)
I had many breakdowns that I physically and mentally not go to school and was stressed over my exams. After all, if I fail my main classes, I will not make it through my graduation. I even begged my teachers, where I was pretty unsure after the exam, that they should send me a mail to tell me, if I make through the year or not. Only one told me that I sadly failed the class only days ago.
On Saturday, that’s showed how bad the alcohol got me. My dad is gone for a while, so I have the apartment for me alone. After I got the mail, I brought strong alcohol ( I’m 20y.o Europe girl, it’s allowed okay 🥲) and on that night, it was hell. I never ever got that drunk that I vomited for a good hour, alone. When I woke up, I realized what happened but thank good nothing bad happened ( I drew a picture with my makeup while being drunk??? I was so confused after the morning lmao)
Today my friend L messaged me that we got our exams back and I know from my heart, that I also failed the second class where I’m bad at it. So it all started again like on Saturday— I know alcohol isn’t a fully answers about this situation but for me it gives at least a bit of joy in my life right now. Because all I get asked is if “ I’m ready for my graduation exams” or “ If I already started to study for it” but NEVER “ How I’m feeling right now”. And when tried to talk with my sister about it, she wasn’t accepting it, she was more like “ since I could do it, you need do it too” even though we both are DIFFERENT in so many things.
So what’s my plan? Since I have a job, I will talk this week with the upper manager, changing my shift to a more station server. Earring money, looking for a apartment and leaving everything behind, like everything. My friends ( except L) doesn’t text me, doesnt know what’s going on or what I did or how I feel at the moment at it truly sucks. Nobody will know my next step because all I want is to be quit, quit about it so it will be more a shocke effect
With money, oh babe, I need help. Sadly I was in a black hole where buying stuff makes me happy, so you can think what’s going on in my bank account. I still can make through! I know I can but still need to plan it out
Next thing: relationships
I already told the one with my friends ones, my parents is okay and the one with my sisters too
Only thing is that I was giving my energy to a boy who didn’t give anything back and you know what hurts more ? That I promise myself not to fall in love with sb who treats me unfair in any kind
Right now I’m at home, staying at home for few days even the school started and before sb says “ why are you skipping school?” Because I’m not mentally ready, especially what happened on Saturday was something that I still need to heal
The apartment from my dad is dirty af because of me and I will clean it ofc, after all I think I vomited on the carpet ( I already putted in the bathtub but still need to wash it. I threw it when I realized it while being drunk)
So that’s an update for now 🤭
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sun 6th Nov 2022 14:16pm journal
it has been a week of many many tears. i just haven’t stopped crying. I’ve been in a low vibration all week and I feel like life is testing me. Adding extra insult to the injury already caused to me. I’ve had some very nice moments amidst this all though. Reba, Andre, Auntie Tina, Joe, Saffrah. It’s been nice to have them in my corner. It’s nice to know someone cares. I’ve been thinking a lot about my past and alot about the future and not really enjoying the present. I’m in pain. I also think a part of my brain is numbing all the information I’m taking in so I’m not really processing things as well as I could. We have a talented bunch of people in our school though. I went to the black history month thingy and really enjoyed it. Despite one performance. But other than that it was great. Reba is a star. Peace is also a star. Andre is a star. Mel fucking killed his performance. I cried during his performance: idk everything just hit me so quick. Life doesn’t feel real but I guess it is. Things just aren’t the same and it’s so apparent that they won’t go back to the old days. That’s one part of life that I find myself struggling to accept. Who people are now as to who they were all those years ago. I’ve been listening to Drakes new album to get me thru the week. Major distribution is my fav song on the album. I’ve been getting high. I’ve been trying to push thru the days. It was Honeys birthday yesterday. I don’t think we’re on good terms. I also think I may just have to let her go. The more I try to interact with her, the less responsive and passive it feels. I think she just wants to be left alone so I’m gonna leave her be. I’ve really tried with her. I can honestly say I tried and it didn’t work. Illusions ruined us. I’ll always have love for her however but going back to you doesn’t seem so appealing and I fear that if you do come back I won’t be here. Soon I’d have found me another to call baby. My mum is still not home. Bills are higher. struggling to find stuff to eat. I’m not seeing some friends of old. I wanna message saffrah and ask if she wants to get food. It’s been raining a lot. I lost two of my bracelets. I lost my bank card. I lost my ID card. I lost my house keys. All on different days may I add. Life just feels quite hard at the moment. It’s more time to just tap in and focus I guess. Idk if I should talk to that lady about the audio thingy but I do really want to try it. TFL is going on strike tomorrow. I have to convince myself that life is going just as planned. I’m still stronger. I’m not dying but indeed living. So before we die, how shall we live? I saw my auntie Tina yesterday. I was the first time in my life were we’d sat down and had a honest conversation about how shitty life was and honestly it was what I needed. I didn’t think it was but it actually was. I have energy all of a sudden. It’s 14:40pm. I was watching avatar the last airbender with Saffrah in the early hours of the morning. It was nice to catch up with her. Life is unfair man. Life is truly truly unfair when I think about it . I’m going thru a hard time. I have tears in my eyes as I’m typing this but we move! In need to call someone. Reba perhaps. I’ll talk to you later uri. Sign out time: 14:43pm.
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Hi! I don't want to start anything on here and am always willing for civil conversations. At this point there's so much I've found out about Seb (besides the video he liked, the tommy lee thing, and the girlfriend thing) that I feel so guilty if I would continue to support him. I love him sm but it just doesn't look good rn. He is associated/follows an organisation (for helping veterans) that has posted a blue lives matter flag picture and who's co-founder has sexual assault allegations against him, and worked with him in 'The last full measure'. His friend Paul Walter Hauser has done blackface in the past, and when called out on it he just listed a few people that also did blackface. There's more, I found a discussion on here that I can link. I seriously don't support "cancel culture" bc I don't think it helps anyone but there are just a lot of 'mistakes' and shady people that can be linked to Seb, I wish it wouldn't be that way. I honestly don't know what to think about it anymore.
Hi! I’m also open to having civil conversations and I don’t believe you’re trying to start anything. I really do think this situation of dragging up a four year old video and taking it completely out of context is harmful not just to Black people, but to fandom/activism in general. This is gonna be long because I’m going to take your points one by one, and I want to preface this by saying that I will not answer any derogatory, sideways asks pertaining to this subject. I will delete every single one and will block your silly ass. I’m not going to argue with people who think I’m blindly supporting Sebastian because I’m just trying to get fucked by him, or people who think I hate myself and am trying to appease some white man.
So, on with the discourse!
The video he liked - this video was taken completely out of context and that is my main issue with this whole situation. It was not a video of a white man saying that he thinks he should be able to say the n word as everyone claimed it was. They were quickly debating on whether or not it's okay to say in rap lyrics. He was told no, that's not okay, that's never okay and they moved on from it. That's it. End of story. That somehow was twisted into a click bait style headline of "Sebastian Stan likes a video of a white man defending his right to say the n word" when that is absolutely not true. My other issue is that people are more upset that Sebastian liked the video than they are about the white man in the video literally saying the n word. So, do you really care about the use of the n word like you're claiming? Cuz if you do, you'd be more upset at the white man that said the word than you would be about the white man simply liking the video. Or, are you just using this as an excuse to grandstand against a white man you don't like?
The Tommy Lee thing - Sebastian Stan playing Tommy Lee does not make Sebastian Stan a bad person. Is Charlize Theron a bad person for playing Aileen Wuornos, a prostitute who started murdering men? Is Leonardo DiCaprio a bad person for playing a slave owner? Is Edward Norton a bad person for playing a nazi sympathizing racist? Actors play bad people. That doesn't mean that they themselves are bad people. 1990's Tommy Lee was a bad person, but that should have no bearing on who Sebastian Stan is or his character as a man.
The gf/Paul Walter Hauser thing - Why are we holding Sebastian accountable for what the people around him are doing? Again, why are we more upset that Sebastian is associated with people who have done questionable things than the specific people themselves? I'm not going to speak on the kimono wearing -- I'm not Asian. It's not my place to say whether or not its offensive because it's not my culture, but she posted that picture and attended that party before she started dating Sebastian, quite possibly before she even knew him. Same with Paul. I think that black face thing was long before he knew Sebastian. Now, if Sebastian was defending these actions, going around saying "I think it's okay for white women to wear Kimono's" "I think black face is fine" "I think white people should be able to say the n word" then we'd have a different story, wouldn't we? But that's not what we have, and that's not what he is doing. He is not responsible for the things his friends do or have done in the past just because he's more famous than they are, and he is not required to speak on them. Let's put it this way -- would you be comfortable having to be responsible for something a friend of yours did before you knew them? Would you want to have to be forced to answer for your friend when you yourself had nothing to do with the questionable behavior?
The organization that supports the military/blue lives matter - Sebastian cannot control what message that foundation puts out and it does not mean that he is or is not pro-police himself. There is not enough concrete evidence -- if any evidence for that matter -- that Sebastian is a blue lives matter supporter. Did Sebastian donate before they put up the blue lives matter post? Or after? I don’t know, cuz I don’t follow him that closely, but if he donates before they come out with a particular stance, that means he should be held accountable for that? I know I donated to an organization once and they turned out to support something that i’m 100% against. That means I’m a bad person because I couldn’t see into the future? Another point, how can we be certain that Sebastian saw the blue lives matter post in the first place? I know I’m not online 24 hrs a day, I miss posts all the time and I’m just an average person. I make three or four tumblr posts a day, and I’m gone. I have to play catch up on social media, and even then, I still miss stuff. So I’m sure the same happens to a working actor. As for the co-founder, I don't know who this person is and would rather not get into any allegations against them because I don't want to trigger anyone who comes across this post. If Sebastian knows about these allegations, is a willing participant/supporter of this person then yeah, that's pretty shitty, but we don't know the inner workings of this friendship/acquaintance/work relationship. We don’t know how close they are or if they even still speak.
I’m a pretty big fan of Don Cheadle. He’s a stand up guy, he’s a great actor, he’s funny, he’s political and stands up for what he believes in and in a very public way. I support him. Don Cheadle is also friends with Chris Evans, RDJ, Mark Ruffalo, and Letitia Wright (just to name a few). Chris Evans has a bipartisan forum that highlights/promotes right wing politicians, RDJ defended Chris Pratt during the whole “he’s the worst Chris in Hollywood” crap, who’s technically done black face, and who once said to a female reporter “nice tits” when she walked into the room, Mark Ruffalo just walked back his support of Palestine, and Letitia Wright retweeted/supported an anti-vaxxer/anti-trans Pastor who equated an ingredient of the covid vaccine to the devil because it contained some parts of the word Lucifer. Does that mean Don is now a bad person because he’s friends with these people? Why isn’t he getting any heat for his friendships with them? Why isn’t he being held accountable for what they’ve done and said? Oh right, because he’s not a white fave. So people don’t care one way or the other, which brings me to my next point.
I can guarantee you that if Sebastian’s gf or Paul or this co-founder were not associated with Sebastian in any way, nobody would give a shit about her wearing a kimono, about Paul doing black face, or about the co-founder/organization being blue lives matter supporters and in that lies the actual problem. Being critical of people and their actions should be consistent and should happen all the time -- not just when they interact with your white fave. That’s when it becomes performative and looks like you just want to be able to show internet people that you follow/support/stan unproblematic celebrities, when really, you don’t care.
I think the moral of this post is that I think it's unfair to hold a complete stranger to a standard that I cannot hold myself to. I also don't view celebrities the way most teenagers/twenty somethings do, and that’s because when I entered fandom we didn't have social media, so I grew up with a wall between myself and said celebrities. There is no wall now with the presence of social media. "Fans" nowadays have a weird ownership feeling over celebrities because they can read their personal thoughts or view personal pictures and think that they have this personal quasi-friendship with them. I can't get on board with that. I prefer having the wall and I still keep the wall.
If supporting Sebastian makes you uncomfortable, then by all means, stop supporting him. Just make sure you are making this decision for yourself based on credible sources and concrete evidence and that you're not letting this fake woke activist mob make you feel uncomfortable. Internet activism means nothing unless you put your money where your mouth is in your real life and 90% of the social justice internet warriors do not. Real activism is bigger than changing your avi to a black square.
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