#a long one!

[logically-asexual]

One more time with feeling

summary:

Part one of this series is 'I can tell I've rotted in your brain', about Logan being slowly pushed away over the years until one day he is kicked out of Thomas's conscious mind and becomes the orange side.

This is part two, about Logan finally coming back.

Read on AO3

Chapter 5

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words: 2630

Logan sat next to Thomas in the office, as Thomas mentally prepared to talk to his employee —not  coworker, as Logan had corrected him. 

“Repeat after me:” Logan said, “I am the boss.”

“I am the boss.” Thomas repeated. 

“It is my job to make the decisions, and it is their job to help me fulfill them.”

Thomas echoed everything his Side said. 

“Good.” Logan nodded. “Now, the purpose of your agreement with these people is for you not to overwork yourself and create more, correct?” 

“Yes.” 

“If they do something that makes you work more instead of less with no further gain or profit, the purpose is not achieved. Therefore a part of the process is wrong and must be fixed.”

“Right.” 

Thomas seemed determined for now. This was the third time they tried to fix this problem, but at every attempt Thomas chickened out and ignored Logan’s instructions. Logan could only hope it would finally work this time. 

“It is our job to make the decisions and theirs to help us with them.” Logan repeated. “What decision did we make?”

“We’re… returning the stuff they ordered and they will try to find a sponsor to make up for the money lost.”

“Correct. Now all you have to do is tell them to do it.”

Thomas nodded and stood up. 

He did it. It wasn’t as hard as he expected, the other person listened and agreed to do what Thomas told them. Logan decided to take advantage of the success and try one more thing. 

Thomas gathered the few people working in the office at the moment and asked them for feedback to their communication channels, if there was a way they would rather receive the important information from meetings they missed. A few agreed that the summaries Thomas emailed to them were fine. He didn’t miss, however, how one person in particular rolled their eyes. 

“Danny, what do you think?” Logan managed that Thomas’ tone wasn’t angry, but firm, just like a teacher’s. 

The employee shifted in their place. At least they had the decency of being embarrassed while everyone stared at them. Not so brave now, Logan thought. 

“I guess my inbox does get kind of crowded,” they muttered, “and things are easy to miss.”

“Oh, alright.” Thomas smiled. “Would it help if I sent you a text message instead?” 

The other just nodded, not looking Thomas in the eye. Logan was beaming with pride. Now they didn’t have an excuse to ignore Thomas, and everyone else here witnessed the agreement.

Thomas said goodbye to his employees and left the office for the day, leaving them to finish setting up the place for filming their new video soon. He sat in his car, with Logan in the passenger seat.

“See, that wasn’t so—“ Logan was about to remark on how well things had gone when a loud cry made him jump. “Thomas?” 

“That was horrible!” he yelled. “I am horrible!” He hit the steering wheel with the side of his closed fist. 

Logan frowned. “How can you say that? We set goals to achieve today and we did that successfully, what—“

“I am a terrible person, they’re all going to hate me. What am I going to do?” He hid his face between his hands. 

“But— But everything went according to our plan.”

“Didn’t you see their faces? I was supposed to build a good working environment and instead I abuse my power to  humiliate someone in front of their coworkers—“

“Thomas, control yourself.” 

Thomas pouted at him, but stayed quiet. 

“You’re an adult. You were behaving like one.” 

“No, I was behaving like an assho—“ Thomas stopped himself when he saw the way Logan’s eyebrows raised. “No, sorry I wasn’t trying to insult you, it’s just that… I don’t… That didn’t feel like myself at all!” 

“Well, duh, that’s predictable when you’ve repressed this side of your personality for two years, to the point of forgetting it existed!” 

“I thought that we had been over this and now you were going to help me!”

“I am helping you, but it is too hard to tell if you actually want my help, or if you’re going to keep whining every time I make a suggestion.“

“Hey don’t talk to me like that!”

Luckily for Thomas, the windows of his car were up and anyone who happened to pass by would think he was having a heated discussion over the speaker. 

“Okay nevermind just…” Thomas tried to relax as he started the car. “I don’t want to think right now, I just want to get home.”

Logan took a deep breath in. “We’re not going home yet.” 

“What?”

“We’re going to buy a work desk for your apartment.”

“What?! No! Do you know how expensive furniture is these days? And where am I going to put an entire desk? I can’t change the arrangement of the first floor, that’s where I film!” Thomas’s head was reeling, suddenly finding it hard to believe this was what his life had become. 

“It’s an investment for your work and to save us the future medical bills for the back problems you’re getting from that terrible habit you have of working on your couch or your bed.”

“And where do you suppose we get the money for that, Mr….” he didn’t have energy to think of some nickname, “Serious Adult!?”

“Perhaps you could sell some of the useless toys you have laying around the house, and that way you would also make space for the desk.” 

Logan looked so arrogant like this, Thomas thought, sitting there looking so satisfied with his own reasoning, staring straight through the windshield, his jaw set. 

In hindsight, listening to the old Logan seemed so much easier. 

A few hours later they made it back home with a list of possible desk and chair models, their brands, and prices. Thomas walked into his living room and immediately crumpled the list in his hands and threw it across the room. 

Logan sank out directly to his bedroom. He let himself fall into the bed. Then, he reached for one of the heavier books on the bedside table and lifted it above his forehead. Before he could use it to test the strength of his skull, a yellow-gloved hand got in the way. 

Janus took the book from him as Logan sat up, his hands following it.

“Devolving to your old healthy coping mechanisms, I see…” he drawled as he held the book behind his back, out of Logan’s reach. 

Logan didn’t speak, but the narrowed eyes with which he looked up at him and the redness around them told Janus everything he needed to know. His pupils seemed to shine brighter at the moment.  

“Come on.” He stretched a hand, “let’s take a break.”

Despite Logan’s current feelings of annoyance at the world, he took Janus’s hand and walked with him to their living room. 

Once there, Janus encouraged him to sit down on the couch, and pulled an… interesting object. It was a small, flat, rectangular piece of wood, with three wooden poles pointing out of it, all in a line. Several disks in different colors and sizes were placed in a pyramid, the largest disk at the base, the smallest at the top, with one of the sticks going through the center of all of them. 

Logan remembered Thomas had read something about this puzzle, the Tower of Hanoi, a few days ago. The goal was to transport the pyramid from one pole to another, moving only one disk at a time, and never placing a bigger disk on top of a smaller one. 

He thanked Janus, took the object from his hands, placed it on the coffee table, and began trying to solve it. 

Janus sat back on the couch next to him, reading. Logan experimented, moving the disks around and trying to find a system. He got frustrated a few times when he accidentally undid his progress, when his actions led him to inevitably return the disks to where they started. Eventually, though, he began to notice a pattern. Soon he was moving the disks from one pole to another swiftly, carefully keeping track of his past moves to determine the next one. 

Just as he was making the final moves, Virgil barged in. 

“Logan,” he breathed, “I need your help.”

Logan’s forehead wrinkled, but he didn’t look up from his task. 

“Roman is–”

“Don’t you see he’s busy?” Janus interrupted Virgil, also not looking up from his book as he turned the page. 

“Shut up, you slimy piece of—“ 

Seeing Virgil was about to pick a fight, Logan interrupted. “I’m sorry, Virge, I think I’ve complicated things enough for one day,” he said as he placed the final disk on top of the rest, successfully completing the puzzle. 

“You’re going to give up just like that?”

“Give up?” Logan slowly repeated, finally looking up. “Excuse me but I don’t believe you understand—“

“I understand everything and you’re such a coward!” Virgil groaned. “Of course things would get complicated! We knew that but the only way out is just getting through it.” 

“I know, Virgil, but I think the process can be postponed until tomorrow when everyone is more accessi—“

“I hate to break it to you, but that’s not going to happen. They're not going to magically become open to what you say, you have to keep insisting.” 

“It’s not that simple, I—“ He stopped, closing his eyes and drawing his eyebrows together. 

“What?!”

“I fucked up, okay?!” Logan stood. “I fucked up today as I knew and told you I would!” 

“What are you talking about? What happened?“

“I just wanted to make it clear to Roman that this fairytale he has Thomas believe he’s living in is a waste of time and energy that will lead him nowhere in life. I wanted to work with him to help Thomas because he can’t go on like this. He’s— he’s daydreaming instead of working, he’s working instead of sleeping, he’s sleeping instead of eating,—“ he began pacing around the room— “he’s got everything backwards! And then Roman just fucking dares try to insist that this is what Thomas needs and that soon enough he’ll be ‘living the life’ whatever that means—“

Virgil began following Logan around, as the other took off his glasses and gestured with them while walking in circles. “Lo…”

“No, I get it.” Sounded like a response but Logan was mostly talking to himself, “Thomas wants this unconventional lifestyle and I must support it but I can’t allow that he’s treated as if he were indestructible. But, again, it’s my fault that what should be a debate devolves into fights and a never-ending stream of childish insults coming my way; my fault and no one else’s. It’s what I should expect, after all, I can’t get one single fucking thing right—“

“Logan!” Virgil called as Logan’s grip on his glasses tightened enough to break them. 

That was enough to stop him, giving Virgil enough time to catch up and stand in front of him. He took Logan’s glasses and shook them in his hand, fixing them, before handing them back. Logan finally focused his eyes on Virgil once he put the glasses back on.  

Logan’s lips were closed in a thin line. 

“Talk to me,” Virgil said.

“I made him cry,” Logan confessed. 

Virgil stayed still in stunned silence. 

“Patton and Roman… I know they’re so emotive and I can’t keep track and be careful of every single feeling they have because I would become mad just trying to make sense of it all but… I had never made someone cry like that, all on my own. I don’t even know what it was I said. 

“Normally that would have been enough as a signal for me to distance myself from them and not come back, but Thomas kept insisting I helped him at work. I couldn’t say no. It took so much effort not to just come back here and hide. I stayed out and did the best that I could. And then that had an unfavorable ending, as well.”

Virgil frowned. “I’m sorry, but I just know that this whole thing will end sooner than you think, if we don’t give up.”

After a pause, Logan continued gingerly. “Virgil. I know you have your own experience with this issue, and there’s a lot that we can learn from it, but not everything in this case is analogous to yours.”

“And what’s different?” He sat down on the couch, and Logan followed. 

“When you appeared, you made yourself heard with great resilience, showing a more intimidating and abrasive version of yourself, which was eventually accepted as a meaningful and necessary part of Thomas as it was, in spite of the negatives, because of the positive impact you had anyway. Once accepted, you were able to decide who to be, what felt  the most comfortable for you, which was rightfully celebrated and encouraged by everyone.”

Virgil blushed slightly, surprised by the kindness with which Logan described his story. 

“In my case, well… I liked who I was before, but I don’t think anybody else did. Despite my efforts to stay that way I was forced into a new unwanted role. I’ve come to terms with the change, and I promised you I would still try to help Thomas, but…” 

Both Virgil and Janus were completely silent, focused on Logan. He refused to look at either of them. 

“… but you’re asking for me to keep changing, to keep exerting myself just to be able to hold a civil conversation. Thomas wants Logic back as it was before, not me, he wants to pretend nothing is different. If I just were myself —this new me— out there, it would be impossible to even speak. I— I just—“ He sighed. “I’m so tired.” 

As he finished, he turned to Virgil, who could now see his eyes were not as shiny as usual, still glowing orange, but too faint, almost back to their usual brown. The bags under them obscuring his appearance even more. 

“Lo—“

“If you don’t mind,” Logan said as he stood, “I am going to my room. After everyone gets some rest I… I promise to try again.” 

He left no room for argument as he walked up the stairs. Virgil watched him quietly, only hearing Janus turn a page from his book. 

“I wish I could help him,” Virgil confessed after a pause. 

“He’ll be fine,” Janus replied, and for once Virgil thought he actually believed what he said. 

They sat in silence for a while, before Virgil spoke again. 

“You know, you could help out, too.” 

Janus didn’t acknowledge his words. 

“Thomas probably thinks being angry and assertive is selfish and that that means it’s bad. You could help show him that it’s not true.”

Janus scoffed without humor. “Since when do you think selfishness isn’t the devil?” 

Virgil bit his lip. “I guess Logan’s absence seems the most direct cause for Thomas’s trainwreck of a life, since he’s been a visible Side of him for so long, but…” He was reluctant to admit it, but he had to keep speaking now. “I know Thomas is missing you, too. Maybe he’s missing a little Remus, even, to get his blood running every once in a while.”

They both chuckled softly at the comment. It felt weird for Virgil. He hadn’t been alone in the same room as Janus for so long without a fight in years. 

He didn’t want to stay long enough to ruin it. He stood up and, in an act of bravery, he whispered, “Goodnight, Janus. I hope to see you soon,” before sinking out. 

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#a long one! #but i had fun with it hope you do too #thomas sanders #logan sanders #orange side #sanders sides #ts #virgil sanders #janus sanders #one more time with feeling #erase me

[linskywords]

Chapters: 10/? Fandom: Men's Hockey RPF Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Leon Draisaitl/Connor McDavid, Connor McDavid/Matthew Tkachuk, Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk, Leon Draisaitl/Connor McDavid/Matthew Tkachuk Characters: Leon Draisaitl, Connor McDavid, Matthew Tkachuk Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, ot3 is endgame, gray-ace!Connor, (very gray though), some pandemic stuff, Mild Internalized Homophobia, Undernegotiated Kink, Matthew just wants attention okay Series: Part 12 of Wolfverse Summary:

If there’s one thing Leon knows, from the very beginning, it’s that Connor McDavid isn’t for him.

If there’s a second thing he knows, it’s that Matthew Tkachuk is a grade-A asshole.

(Can be read as a stand-alone)

#a long one! #we're...not exactly in endgame yet #but getting closer #mcmattdrai #wolfverse #hockey rpf

[kochei0]

I turn to Ares.

Thanks to Tyler Miles Lockett who allowed me to draw inspiration from his ARES piece for page 2! Look at his etsy page it's SICK

⚔️ If you want to read some queer retelling of arturian legends have a look at my webtoon

#greek mythology #ares #athena #greek gods #dont get me wrong it aint athena slander but it sure is ares praise #on some level at least #man justly accused of bad things deserves some mid praise more at 11 #thank you romi for helping me with words though i duly noted you insisted on ares not being cautious rather than him not being careful #romi be like “i want him to care” and honestly good you should say it #also EPIC led to this and i just..... i want to draw some animatics man i just need infinite time now #my long lost love for greek myths just will never stop coming and they dont stop coming and they dont stop coming #i want some vulture design in here for ares but not sure about this one #kochei doodles

[bookwyrminspiration]

god I would be UNSTOPPABLE if I was capable of consistently initiating tasks. just you wait. you'll be waiting a while but just you wait

#executive dysfunction #shitpost #every day I get stuck in waiting mode for SO LONG and SO MANY TIMES #that one time I tried adhd meds it fixed it but then I. was like no I am going to be scared and not continue taking it <3 #and also. I simply did not like the psychologist and did not want to have to go back #so. rawdogging the world <3 #man if I could start a task right now...then you'd see...then you'd all see....

[thunderon]

“long hair on guys doesn’t make them less masculine. think keanu reeves, jason momoa, danny trejo, or the guy at your local dive bar who rides a motorcycle”

*the crowd nods*

“so long hair doesn’t necessarily determine masculinity”

*the crowd, more hesitant, still nodding*

“butches can have long hair—“

*GUNSHOT*

#the tedtalk i would give if i could #if i see ‘they’re not butch because they have long hair’ one more time i will flip a table #frustrating frustrating frustrating #also this is NOT in any way a knock on my short haired butches ily #op #bestof

[suiheisen]

those!!! are!!! his!!!! tits!!! be gentle 👉👈

#i love how the series finds new and exciting ways to objectify him every chapter #dunmeshi is just one long wet fever dream… #laois touden #senshi of izganda #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #anime #manga #dungeon meshi spoilers #spoilers #also as the server said: #congrats on the top surgery babe <3333 #ryoko kui said: #trans rights #\m/

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Expertise can't help you here.

#dungeon meshi #kabru #laios touden #falin touden #Happy Thistle Thursday once again. Have I been holding on to this comic for several weeks? Sure have! #I forgot how long it takes for Chimera Falin to come into play. #I still really love my 'better drawn' art of her - unfortunately it was several weeks too early for the anime only folks. #Slowly getting the hang of drawing Laios. I don't know why I struggle so much but I am getting...somewhere. #Meta time: God damn I love how the chimera shows off the expertise and gap between Kabru and Laios. #The truth is: they are both *right* and they are both *wrong*. #This creature is a combination of monster and human and they only have the skillset to deal with one of those. #Kabru goes for all the human vitals - but she isn't human. #Laios tries to approach her as a monster and is struck down by the humanity he sees in her. #She is something new that defies what they *both* understand about the world. And that makes her such a perfect antagonist. #The damsel was the dragon all along! #...She is really so cute though. Terrifying! But adorable. I am so excited to see the boom of fanart for her.

[smokiedokie]

I opened my copy of The Tale of the Body Thief & immediately had to close it again because of this silly little annotation

#yes I spelled channel wrong #but honestly #totbt is just one long get ready with me YouTube story time #the vampire chronicles

[wasabi-gumdrop]

local ladies man’s signature move totally useless against autistic monster enthusiast. more on Kabru’s fumble era at 6

#i’ve seen so many interpretations of that 1 hr freeze frame of Kabru’s smile in ep 16 #he’s meeting his long time crush of course he’s trying to charm him #Kabru so obviously has a big fat giant crush on Laios #like atp in the story he’s tried to talk to him and get his attention so many times agjdjajdj #Laios is the human rubix cube he’s been searching for his entire life #everyone else is almost too easy for Kabru to pin down #Laios on the other hand … a treasure trove of autistic mystery #Kabru is so locked in #Kabru used signature move: charming smile #Laios: no effect! #there’s something so beautiful about the popular pretty boy entering his fumble era when his one true love turns out to be autistic #labru #laios touden #kabru of utaya #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #wasabi rambles #seen so many clock that smile as nefarious and machiavellian #baby no Kabru is just dialing the charm up to 100 and what we’re all feeling is second hand embarrassment LMAO

[ibtisams]

My father was martyred by Israel on 10 October 2023 after sacrificing his care in hospital so the injured children could take priority. Today would have been his 60th birthday. He was always selfless, kind, and giving for others. My father gave up everything for me to be able to have a better life, because that is what he always dreamed for me and my sister. The world suffered a great loss when he died, and my heart is always with him and every Palestinian who has lost someone.

In his honour and memory, I would love for anyone who is able to do so to consider donating to The Palestine Children’s Relief Fund.

The PCRF is an amazing organisation that does so much for those in Gaza right now, including helping provide food, water and medicine. You can donate any amount you are able to- there is no minimum! My father would have given his very last cent if he saw the way Palestine was continuing to suffer after over 100 days with this limited aid, so I know celebrating him by helping others is the least he would have wanted.

I saw @parrot-parent do a very successful donation match and I thought it was such a good idea so I will also match all donations up to $500! If you feel comfortable sending me proof of the amount of your donation, I will match it as a donation at the end of February. (My messages are set to mutuals only, but if you donate and we aren’t mutuals if you send an ask with the proof I will make sure to answer it privately.)

#can you tell my baby pictures with him are my favourite 🙂 #sorry this is so long and emotional I just knew I wanted to do something in celebration of his birthday #and he really was the most selfless person so helping others through his memory is a perfect way to do so #if no one sends me their proof of donations I will just donate $500 at the end of the month 👍 #🦢

[endusviolence]

Rowling isn't denying holocaust. She just pointed out that burning of transgender health books is a lie as that form of cosmetic surgery didn't exist. But of course you knew that already, didn't you?

I was thinking I'd probably see one of you! You're wrong :) Let's review the history a bit, shall we?

In this case, what we're talking about is the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, or in English, The Institute of Sexology. This Institute was founded and headed by a gay Jewish sexologist named Magnus Hirschfeld. It was founded in July of 1919 as the first sexology research clinic in the world, and was run as a private, non-profit clinic. Hirschfeld and the researchers who worked there would give out consultations, medical advice, and even treatments for free to their poorer clientele, as well as give thousands of lectures and build a unique library full of books on gender, sexuality, and eroticism. Of course, being a gay man, Hirschfeld focused a lot on the gay community and proving that homosexuality was natural and could not be "cured".

Hirschfeld was unique in his time because he believed that nobody's gender was either one or the other. Rather, he contended that everyone is a mixture of both male and female, with every individual having their own unique mix of traits.

This leads into the Institute's work with transgender patients. Hirschfeld was actually the one to coin the term "transsexual" in 1923, though this word didn't become popular phrasing until 30 years later when Harry Benjamin began expanding his research (I'll just be shortening it to trans for this brief overview.) For the Institute, their revolutionary work with gay men eventually began to attract other members of the LGBTA+, including of course trans people.

Contrary to what Anon says, sex reassignment surgery was first tested in 1912. It'd already being used on humans throughout Europe during the 1920's by the time a doctor at the Institute named Ludwig Levy-Lenz began performing it on patients in 1931. Hirschfeld was at first opposed, but he came around quickly because it lowered the rate of suicide among their trans patients. Not only was reassignment performed at the Institute, but both facial feminization and facial masculization surgery were also done.

The Institute employed some of these patients, gave them therapy to help with other issues, even gave some of the mentioned surgeries for free to this who could not afford it! They spoke out on their behalf to the public, even getting Berlin police to help them create "transvestite passes" to allow people to dress however they wanted without the threat of being arrested. They worked together to fight the law, including trying to strike down Paragraph 175, which made it illegal to be homosexual. The picture below is from their holiday party, Magnus Hirschfeld being the gentleman on the right with the fabulous mustache. Many of the other people in this photo are transgender.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of a group of people. Some are smiling at the camera, others have serious expressions. Either way, they all seem to be happy. On the right side, an older gentleman in glasses- Magnus Hirschfeld- is sitting. He has short hair and a bushy mustache. He is resting one hand on the shoulder of the person in front of him. His other hand is being held by a person to his left. Another person to his right is holding his shoulder.]

There was always push back against the Institute, especially from conservatives who saw all of this as a bad thing. But conservatism can't stop progress without destroying it. They weren't willing to go that far for a good while. It all ended in March of 1933, when a new Chancellor was elected. The Nazis did not like homosexuals for several reasons. Chief among them, we break the boundaries of "normal" society. Shortly after the election, on May 6th, the book burnings began. The Jewish, gay, and obviously liberal Magnus Hirschfeld and his library of boundary-breaking literature was one of the very first targets. Thankfully, Hirschfeld was spared by virtue of being in Paris at the time (he would die in 1935, before the Nazis were able to invade France). His library wasn't so lucky.

This famous picture of the book burnings was taken after the Institute of Sexology had been raided. That's their books. Literature on so much about sexuality, eroticism, and gender, yes including their new work on trans people. This is the trans community's Alexandria. We're incredibly lucky that enough of it survived for Harry Benjamin and everyone who came after him was able to build on the Institute's work.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of the May Nazi book burning of the Institute of Sexology's library. A soldier, back facing the camera, is throwing a stack of books into the fire. In the background of the right side, a crowd is watching.]

As the Holocaust went on, the homosexuals of Germany became a targeted group. This did include transgender people, no matter what you say. To deny this reality is Holocaust denial. JK Rowling and everyone else who tries to pretend like this isn't reality is participating in that evil. You're agreeing with the Nazis.

But of course, you knew that already, didn't you?

Edit: Added image IDs. I apologize to those using screen readers for forgetting them. Please reblog this version instead.

#transgender #trans history #transsexual #transphobia #Magnus Hirschfeld #holocaust #holocaust denial #book burning #j.k. rowling #jk rowling #just in case you missed what i mean by all this: go fuck yourself anon :) #trans people have always existed #and we will always exist #if you really wanna pick a fight with me over well-documented history then you better bring in some sources to back your shit #queer history #queer #lgbt+ #lgbta+ #lgbt #lgbt history #edit: i finally got around to those damn image IDs. i am so very sorry for totally forgetting that's my bimbo moment of the month #also real quick i thought about adding an image of the actual building but the only one i can find has a Nazi parade in front of it #it was taken the day of the book burning raid and honestly if i were to include it then i'd add it to the first few paragraphs #and i think the story's better told when you uphold the hope Magnus Hirschfeld and all the researchers he worked with had #also keeps being brought up: yes Hirschfeld was a eugenicist. it was a popular belief set that was only discredited after WW2 #Hirschfeld died in 1935. he literally didn't live long enough to see science turn against those beliefs and practices #considering how he changed his mind on transitions i like to think he would've changed his mind on eugenics too if he'd lived

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

#cw: suicidal ideation #cw: suicide #cw: self harm #cw: mental health #cw: depression #i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it #i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague #it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves #so. please dont #for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic #with the state of the world as it is #having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful #but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full #and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead #i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us #there is no fix-all #and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile #i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it #thank you for reading #and please stay alive #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

[ashoss]

patrol is fun :DD

#akpsdj this took so long #NOT SHIP ART !!!!! #stephanie brown #steph brown #spoiler #jason todd #red hood #dick grayson #nightwing #yes nightwing is supposed to be in that peter griffin death pose #damian wayne #robin #dc fanart #illustration #batfamily #batfam #batman #dc comics #ash's doodlings #tw food #u can see the progression of my tiredness lmao #the first one panel is so detailed compared to the last one

[captainjonnitkessler]

You know I used to think "tumblr's absolute refusal to actually engage with the Trolley Problem in favor of insisting that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is just a short-sighted idiot is really fucking annoying, but I guess it's not actually doing any harm".

Anyway that was before we asked tumblr at large to decide between "guy aiding a genocide but making progress elsewhere" and "guy who would actively and enthusiastically participate in a genocide and would also make everything else much, much worse for everyone elsewhere" and the response was that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and that anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is a short-sighted idiot.

#there is not a third option. it is either trump OR biden #and one of those will be much MUCH worse for palestine #i'm really really sorry that these are the options. i wish they weren't. #but WHAT third option are you trying to take here? what on earth is your proposed outcome #that will actually make things better for palestine? #because letting trump win the election is NOT going to help them #i'm sorry but you need to set aside your feelings and take the option that will lead to less harm to palestine in the long run #you talk such a big game about how people need to be willing to make sacrifices to help palestine #but you yourself aren't even willing to hold your nose and vote to stop things from getting worse? #or did you think 'sacrifice' only meant not getting mcdonalds for a few months? #us politics

[mangozic]

my dead goth son and his friendly neighborhood personified concept of insanity

#really happy with how michael turned out :] i might stick to this design #rapunzel ah glowy hair <3 #i do need to workshop gerry though orz #have been working on this during breaks from my other projects and god it took way too long to finish #fun fact the final file for this is over 2gb 👍 forgot i was recording the timelapse #i could post it if anyone would be interested #the magnus archives #tma #michael distortion #michael shelley #tma michael #tma distortion #gerard keay #gerry keay #tma gerry #gerrymichael #doorkeay #technically? i’m not one to draw ship art usually but this one’s close enough i think #tma fanart #fanart #my art #digital art #illustration #magpod

[razumdars]

"oh Astarion is SOOOO effeminate" wrong. You are judging Astarion by human genders. Astarion is first and foremost a high elf and by high elf standards he is actually INCREDIBLY masc. Other high elves look at him and he reminds them of that one annoying straight guy in their elf-economics (elfenomics if you will) class in elf-college who loved playing devil's advocate. And then they see him kiss a guy and they almost die of shock.

#sophie.txt #baldur's gate #bg3 #astarion #inspired by that one dunmeshi fancomic and also a friend telling me astarion didn't look elfy enough to them without the long hair