#When will I ever learn to not type out a whole essay in the tags?

[cryptidhyrst]

Working on some Sandman stuff and I realized that Dream loves so deeply (like throws his whole being into a romance that literally just started days ago; the type of guy who'd most definitely say "I love you" in a week, and the type of guy who'd try to make a paramour the regent to the Dreaming in less than a year).

All because his own parents never gave him love and affection. You can't exactly have your own ideal of what a healthy (romantic and familial) relationship looks like when your parents had a bunch of kids, but called quits on their relationship immediately after and can't stand to be in each other's presence. You also can't have the basis of what a healthy relationship looks like when your father has blatant favoritism toward your elder brother. And your mom? Somehow worse, in the regard that she heavily favors Dream and isn't bothered to keep up with her other children, much less remember the smallest details about them.

#Like I really wonder if the once a year family dinner's where Death's idea #It feels like Death's idea #Because there's no way any of the other endless would have come up with #I don't think they're as bad as Dream in that they're capable of expressing their emotions fully but I also think #that they just don't have a basis for what a healthy familial relationship should look like #So I'm very much leaning toward the idea that Death behaving like a mortal once a year and seeing how humans interact with each other #gave her this idea to try and get the family together for dinner once a year as well #Like she is both parentified and suffering from eldest daughter syndrome at the same time #In a way where it makes sense why every single one of the endless is the way they are #Why they're all constantly fighting with each other #and why they have all these arbitray rules about staying in their own lane #never helping each other #or rules about being in a relationship with a mortal #This is also me pushing my hidden agenda of Hob taking over these family dinners #And cooking a giant meal #and trying to make these endless dinners as jovial as he possibly can #god help him though #At least they he might be successful enough to upgrade the dinner to once a year plus something like Christmas #the sandman #When will I ever learn to not type out a whole essay in the tags? #Probs never #cryptid speech #the sandman meta

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Ok I am in rant mode again, sorry, this blog just happens to be a place where I dump all my thoughts negative and positive both, unfortunately for all who follow me. But I have seen some bad and incorrect takes from anti darkling/darklinas. So here’s just a few things I want to say.

Firstly LB has never stated that she based the darkling on her ab*sive ex. This is misinformation that was spread by antis. The only thing she has ever said about an ab*sive relationship was that she wrote the first book, Shadow and Bone, at a dark time in her life right after she had got out of a bad relationship. She has said in the past that the darkling was inspired by every bad boy she’s had a crush on in fiction including david bowie’s the goblin king. 

So it seems from these comments like the character was supposed to emulate those types of characters that woman find attractive, the ones you would fall for. 

I’ve also seen the argument that LB clearly wrote the darkling as a villain, well LB might disagree with you there as she herself has said on multiple occasions that she doesn’t write villains: 

LB says that the darkling believes he is doing the right thing and that ‘you can make a case for most of the choices he makes, even the despicable ones.’ So if LB says that she doesn’t write villains and that you can make a case for his actions you can’t really blame darkling fans for doing the same. 

The truth is LB promoted the heck out of both the darkling and darklina (or as it was known back then Darlina and Alarkling) when she was writing the og trilogy, even admitting to ‘fanning the flames’ when talking about people shipping m*lina and darklina and was clearly encouraging the shipping of both ships: 

She also put out teases for the darkling and darklina:

And promoted darklina fan edits even using the ship tags: 

It was only post the release of book three that she changed her tune, likely because of all the backlash she got about the ending of the books. So no LB wasn’t always against fans shipping darklina or liking the darkling. All of this information is easily found with a simple google search, I wasn’t even in the fandom back then being a show watcher first and yet I was still able to learn all of this with minimal difficulty. 

Which brings me to the whole darklina being an allegory for a older man manipulating a younger girl and how the darklina fans ‘missed this’. Well if they did miss it then it was for a very good reason, but the truth is darklina’s didn’t miss it, we just didn’t think it made sense within the narrative, the darklina fandom have talked about it, myself included, in fact I’ve already posted a whole pretty much essay on the topic. But let me explain why some people may have ‘missed it’ and why it doesn’t work in the story or with darklina as the allegory. The first is because LB chose to use an immortal/immortal couple for this allegory. The thing with immortality in fiction, especially as love interests, is it makes age pretty much meaningless. The whole point of immortals is that they are ageless. Immortal ships have always been accepted within fiction and this whole age gap issue has never come up before. Nobody was going omg but the age gap yuck with Bella and Edward when twilight came out, or when Magnus and Alec got together in Shadowhunters or with any of the ships in Vampire Diaries. Yet now anti’s are trying to use the argument that the darkling is 100s of years older than Alina and that’s creepy all of a sudden. Sorry but not in my book, an immortal is always going to be significantly older than anyone else what’s the alternative they spend eternity alone, never knowing love? At least with darklina they are both immortal. Another reason why it doesn’t work is because of how the darkling is described in the book, he is said to not look much older than Alina, so in the books he looks like a teenager. So of course people weren’t going to pick up on the older guy/younger girl allegory because the darkling isn’t presented in the books as an older guy. He’s described the same way every other immortal being in every YA book at that time was. It’s also worth noting that I am not sure if LB ever actually said that darklina were supposed to represent a older guy with a younger girl or whether that was something the fandom came up with. I’m not saying she didn’t just that I myself have never seen a direct quote from her that I recall and I wasn’t able to find one. I think the first time I heard of it was when someone sent me an ask about the topic. I know that she has said it was meant to serve as a warning of attractive and charismatic men being able to manipulate young girls but I don’t know that she herself has ever talked about an age gap or specifically mentioned older men? 

Another thing that I have been seeing alot of are comments like darkling/darklina fans only like him because he is hot. What bothers me about this is firstly even if that were true and the only reason people liked him was because he is hot, so what? There’s nothing wrong with that, its fiction and fiction is used to escape for a bit, its for enjoyment and entertainment, so if that enjoyment and entertainment comes in the form of staring at the hot guy irregardless of whether they are the hero or villain, let them be. Why are you criticising the way someone enjoys fiction? Sometimes a gal just wants to look at the hot guy. Secondly its just a really irrelevant argument because the darkling is not the only hot, charismatic character in the books or show. M*l is also described as being attractive and charismatic with no shortage of friends and girls, Nikolai is another character that fits that description, so by this argument the only reason M*l fans like him is because he is hot, and the only reason Nikolai fans like him is because he is hot. Thirdly its just plainly not true, whilst I am sure there may be some fans who only like him because he is hot, again nothing wrong with that, most fans like him for a variety of different reasons because he is an interesting and complicated character. As someone who spends a fair bit of time in the darkling/darklina tags the most common reason I have seen for fans liking him is because of his dedication to the grisha, his willingness to fight for the grisha something that he has dedicated 100′s of years of his life too. Personally I like Aleksander/the darkling because he has a sympathetic backstory, because he is fighting for the grisha and when seeing that they had no place to go where they could be free from fear he vowed to make them a safe place, a sanctuary, of course I am going to root for that goal too. I like him because he is complicated and complex and despite being an immortal being who has become deeply effected by past traumas there is still something beautifully human about him, particularly in the show. I also like the connection he has with Alina, the whole yin/yang of it and them being each others balance. I love the complexity and angst of them having this deep connection and pull to each other but also having this anger and sense of betrayal, how they have to try and navigate around having different points of view and seeing the world in a different ways, it makes for a very compelling story and their chemistry in the show is electric. The fact that he is hot is merely a bonus, but even if he wasn’t a conventionally attractive person I would still like his character because of those complexities, because of that connection he has with Alina. But one thing this rant has done is make me curious as to what my other fellow darkling/darklina fans like about the darkling? What drew you to the character? Anyway that’s enough ranting for one day, again my apologies, I am going to go and rewatch season 1 of shadow and bone in preparation for season 2′s release tomorrow...sheepishly shuffles off my soapbox, waving awkwardly.   

#darklina #the darkling #anti leigh bardugo

[javasquats]

Annabeth in PJO episode 3

Ok because a few people requested, here are the thoughts I had on Annabeth's characterization in episode three. I wrote it out and it's literally a whole essay so I'm putting it under a cut lolol also spoiler warning for discussion of themes in Mark of Athena, but I'll put another warning before that part.

I was watching and thinking about how in a way Annabeth is the main character of this episode. In the beginning when they stop to get snacks, we see her on her own in the gas station store (which I'd say is somewhat notable considering that Percy is the sole narrator of the books, meaning we only ever get to see what he sees). We hear Grover talk about monsters hunting demigods while we simultaneously see Annabeth pursued by the fury. This establishes an image of what her life was like before camp. We imagine the type of monsters that have sabotaged her attempts at normalcy. She's just a kid buying snacks!! And she is so like Percy in the way her normal life has been disrupted over and over.

Later in the woods, when Percy suggests calling her mom, the way she says "excuse me?" isn't just annoyed at his stupidity. You can hear the actual emotional injury in her delivery. Like the equivalent of a typical kid with a typical absent parent receiving a jab about it. Percy assumes that they're close because Athena gifted Annabeth the Yankees cap. But the fact that they're not makes this look a lot more like a deadbeat parent throwing gifts at their child thinking that makes up for their absence. Just enough to maintain Annabeth's hope for her mother's love and approval.

"You're loyal to your mother?" "Yes!" "You love her?" "Yes! Of course I do!" She is still captivated by the idea of having that motherly love. That perfect family.

And then Medusa is telling her story, and the writers give us explicit permission to understand this as describing Annabeth's story. Annabeth, like Medusa, is trying so hard to receive love and to feel like she is enough, fighting for Athena's approval. And then the son of Poseidon, like Medusa describes Poseidon himself (purely going off of what medusa says in this story, rather than the myth itself, for narrative purposes), comes along and promises her that love, shows her that affection. And she starts to think maybe she is enough! She is lovable! Annabeth starts to heal from the wounds caused by her abandonment.

(Mark of Athena spoilers btw)

And then Athena, who she spent so long fighting for the approval of and who was the one who caused those wounds that Percy helped her recover from, comes back and says Annabeth is a disgrace and a failure, just like she did with Medusa.

Poseidon also abandons Medusa in her story. His promises of love her empty, and Medusa is left alone, with nothing. Double abandonment whammy. So like we can imagine if we apply this to Annabeth, the amount of apprehension and fear about letting Percy in and believing that she is lovable, because what if it's a lie?

Slight Medusa aside: she only begins to act "monstrously" when she tries to manipulate Percy in the kitchen, once again drawing a parallel between herself and another woman. But this time it's Sally Jackson who she doesn't even know. She tries to turn Percy against Annabeth because she thinks Annabeth will turn against her. She sees herself in Annabeth and at the same time is redirecting her own pain at her.

"We are not our parents until we choose to be, and you two have chosen." As if humans are static. As if we aren't a continual work in progress. Always growing and changing. As if we don't learn our lessons in our own time.

(Tagging the people who requested this! Hope you enjoyed my whole ass ted talk!!)

@irregular-child @perpetuallyexhaustedmess @mortalmab

#pjo series #pjo tv show #pjo episode 3 #pjo #annabeth chase #medusa #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #javasquatting

[toppedbykakuna]

Hi! Just writing to let you know that radical feminism isn’t “pure hatred”, and that the vast majority of women who support it don’t care half as much about people identifying as trans as they do care about protecting marginalized women worldwide (whose issues are fundamentally unable to transcend their biological sex in the way alternative feminism dictates). You said in the tags of a recent post that you’ve spent “so many years trying to understand” radical feminism, which is confusing, because it’s a relatively straightforward approach to feminism. No radfem is ever going to dictate how someone should or shouldn’t dress or behave. The single defining feature is just that radfems argue that how someone dresses and behaves should not be conflated with biological sex or be indicative of a societal gender norm. The entire concept is that boys can wear dresses and girls can wear pants and they are still male and female. Radical feminism strives for the elimination of gender and gender roles!

Genuinely hope you have a good day :) you don’t need to reply to this, I won’t see it anyway, but you really don’t have to prove anything to anyone either. Your beliefs should be yours, not something you feel the need to repeatedly reaffirm to an online public to stay socially acceptable.

Peace:)

Hey anon, thanks for the polite message, I do appreciate it. I'm gonna use this ask to share my perspective a bit more, and while you definitely don't have to continue this conversation if you don't want, if you have any further thoughts I'm happy to hear them!!

Essay below about my history with the phrase and community of "radfems/terfs"

I do acknowledge that in my original post I used the term "radfem" in that tag where I meant to use the term "terf", however in the past 10ish years I've found that the people who use these terms to describe their identity haven't given me any reason to differentiate the two terms.

When I joined Tumblr in 2013, I had already been involved with the queer community for a year, learning about the different corners of the community and our history. At that point, I had accidentally stumbled across the small "radfem" community that had started leaning into the "terf" category of identification on Tumblr specifically.

I remember this movement was relatively small but in any post I saw celebrating trans-ness or gender, there would be somebody with a "radfem" tag in their username trying DESPERATELY to shut down the joy. Comments filled with "you can't change your gender!" type beat, y'know? At the time, I figured it would die out and I moved on.

Suddenly a few years later, I'm on Twitter and I see a particularly famous children's author involving herself in the community I had forgotten about years before, liking posts about whatever the current drama was about and getting herself involved with the whole "you can't change your gender!" type beat, and whaddya know, it BLOWS up.

Now, let's take a few steps back. I'm somebody that struggled with fitting into same sex groups for my entire life. My childhood sport was same sex, my gym classes, the bathrooms, all the things that people don't really think too much about. For me, it came with a body rocking form of anxiety about things like my body being witnessed, the possibility of getting made fun of (which happened if I wasn't keeping an eye out), trying to fit into conversations that I wasn't really interested in because it's what people my sex and my age were talking about, I was getting denied opportunities from my parents because I was interested in activities that weren't typically for my assigned gender.

Funnily enough, I came across some old posts of mine from 2014, 3 years before I came out, that are absolutely mourning my assigned sex and begging to be anything other than my assigned sex. I didn't want my assigned sex to be perceived, I wanted my gender to stop controlling my life. Once I realized that being nonbinary (or agender, as I prefer) was an option and I could partially transition in order to become more androgynous, it has made my life MILES better. I have never thrived so happily in my body without my reproductive organs and a minor level of HRT, and I would encourage anyone looking for androgyny to discuss HRT options with their doctor because it seriously changed my life.

NOW, let's come back to how that's relevant to "radical feminism". In the last 10 years that I've acknowledged that phrase, I have never met a person who uses that phrase with the intention of including transgender people. I would genuinely like to know if anyone knows any people who identify as a "radical feminist" with the intention of including transgender people, cuz they're not doing a very good job of making themselves visible right now.

I live in a country that already has 3 different regions currently attempting to remove transgender people from the vocabulary of anyone under the age of 18, something that I would've THRIVED with the knowledge of as a teenager. If I knew that puberty blockers were an option, I would've avoided 8 years of incredible intestinal pain, dysphoria, depression and more. That's my choice.

I'm of the same opinion that anyone should be able to wear whatever they want and present however they want, along with identifying however they want. If a boy wants to wear a dress then that's so good for him, but if it's an 18 year old trans boy who wants to wear a dress, he is still valid as a man, whereas I've seen typical terfs argue that a trans man wearing a dress means he wants to stay a girl, therefore should just identify as a girl.

If we're genuinely talking about a group of people who identify as "radical feminists" and don't have a single opinion about transgender people I would like to know who they are, because from my perspective "rad fems" are the exact same group of people as TERFs.

To wrap this all up, my fiance is a transgender man. He was actually a huge influence to help me come out myself and better my life, and I'll forever be thankful for his kindness and education. My best friends are all trans or genderless, my sibling is nonbinary, the 3 different women I would run away with if they asked me to are transgender women... ahem

I love transgender people. I love people who play with their own genetics and put themselves through years of medical stress to be the best versions of themselves. Transgender people have been the kindest community I've ever interacted with, the most selfless group of individuals, the most in tune with their own minds and bodies and the world around them. I love their resilience and their strength in a world that wants them to desist, and I will always be on the side of transgender people.

This blog is not censored for appeal, nor will I ever post anything to satisfy any form of masses. This blog is my own beliefs, and my beliefs are that trans people are (pardon my pun) rad as fuck.

#lexis ESSAYS #my GOD #lexis thoughts #not dnp #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia #queer #if u couldn't tell this is one of my passions #i will talk about how much i love trans people until i die #trans rights are human rights

[spanishskulduggery]

hello.

my fluency goal is to be able to flow when i think and talk in spanish. like, not having to really pause every couple seconds to think about what i want to say.

i felt i had a good grasp on simple beginner vocab, so ive been trying to learn more vocab by thinking in spanish, and then writing down words that i dont know the spanish word for so i can look it up later.

thing is, there is a lot i dont know and its very overwhelming cause i feel like i'll never be able to learn this much.

at what "level" of proficiency does that feeling go away if ever?

is there some sort of beginner - intermediate- advanced vocab list i should just follow instead?

That's a fairly common feeling.

I felt like that until I started to take literature classes in Spanish. Occasionally there were words or expressions I didn't know, but our little booklets were anthology workbooks that had vocab/expressions listed on the side with the English

I feel like I got a lot out of those books because we had our assigned readings, but I could also just read the other stories if I wanted and it was useful practice

That being said - it largely depends on your level

There are certain words or expressions even I don't know. At my level, it's typically very specific topics like names of plants, or medical terminology, or sometimes more technical things

I still very much feel like I'm not fluent when I find myself reading something that's lyrical or slang OR when it's classical literature and the sentence structure throws me off entirely

I have found personally that I feel more confident when I read a page of text and I know more words than words I don't. If I can make it through a whole page without difficulty, I feel really good about myself

You also don't learn a lot of vocab unless you're specifically using a lot of vocab, because it's harder to memorize something that you don't find that useful.

There are also a lot of words that I can't tell what they are, but by context I sort of understand what the general thing is - usually in my case it's names of plants/trees or animals. It would be like listing la luciérnaga in a list with things like las hormigas "ants" or las abejas "bees" - I naturally assume it's an insect; and la luciérnaga is "firefly"

Sometimes with verbs I can sort of work out what it means by context. I would say try to read a whole sentence and see if you can figure out what it means by context; sometimes you can't, but sometimes you can feel it out

-

Otherwise I have my Vocabulario Tag and I'd specifically recommend looking for the list of random words rather than specific topics (unless you want to) because it gives a bigger assortment of things

I'll also try and find some of my anthology books to give people titles in case they want to read something more specifically geared towards language learning and forming responses; these are the types of books I used in high school and college to help you form your thoughts about something for essays or exams

Potentially you might find some use out of Memrise - which is a site where you can make your own flashcards and a lot of people can make their own flashcards available for other people to see and use; with languages you kind of have to take it with a grain of salt because sometimes the ones I’ve seen don’t mark the gender of the words or they don’t provide enough context on some words, but overall very helpful if you can curate your own experience

#Spanish #language #languages #langblr #learning Spanish #language learning #asks

[halfagone]

...I have such complicated feelings about the Anger Management ship. This isn't to say that I don't like the ship (I do, I actually adore it) but I happen to be very nit-picky about the execution and dynamics that I'm always super hesitant to read new fics with these two as the main pairing.

(If you plan on reblogging this, please do not put the crossover fandoms or the ship name in the tags. This is a rambling essay, not a purposefully antagonistic vent about other people's writing style or preferences. I KNOW not everyone likes or dislikes the same things that I do, and just as they are due their own opinion, so am I.)

To be completely transparent, I don't think Jazz would like Red Hood. Oh, I think she'd absolutely adore Jason, but I don't think she would like Red Hood. I honestly believe that if she found out Jason was Red Hood sometime later into their relationship, she would want to take a step back and think things through. This isn't to say that she would break up with him because of it, or hate him suddenly now that the truth is out, but it's one thing to find out your boyfriend is secretly an anti-hero vigilante, and it's another thing to find out your boyfriend is secretly a crime-lord who beheaded EIGHT PEOPLE and stuffed their severed heads into DUFFEL BAGS to send a message to Batman. It's one thing to find out your boyfriend doesn't get along with his family, and it's a whole other thing to learn your boyfriend beat his adopted brother brutally and PAINTED THE WALLS WITH HIS BLOOD without ever meeting him first and based on information he hadn't even found out firsthand but was given to him by a woman that was purposefully stoking the flames of his anger and hatred to make things easier for her son.

She knows Jason a little more personally now, so she's aware of the layers to his character and history so she has a better understanding of what his motivations might/could be, but that doesn't lessen how HUGE of a shift in perspective this could be for her. It'd be worse if Jason hasn't expressed any regret for what he did to Tim, especially considering Red Hood supposedly protects kids but went along and beat Tim so viciously anyways. You can't even use the excuse that Tim is a 'child soldier', when Jason is just as willing and ready to use that same excuse when he gripes about how terribly Bruce treated him or Bruce's supposed lack of grief and regret over losing Jason. It doesn't mean what he went through was any less terrible, but it does make him a hypocrite.

I feel like they would have to steadily overcome this obstacle, and I do honestly believe that Jazz would implore him to get therapy to help him, and if he didn't agree, she would be seriously concerned about their relationship. Seeing as Jason has also inherited Bruce's miscommunication (or general lack of communication) and poor coping mechanisms.

Of course a lot of this could be outright avoided or fixed in the background, but I don't find that it happens a lot? Or, if it does, it's never properly explained? I can understand if it's a short fic and all that background plot points can't be properly addressed in the short amount of time, but when it's a longer fic I always feel like it's a missed opportunity NOT to have and/or show more growth in Jason as he learns what a civilian relationship (hell, a healthy relationship in general) is actually LIKE after losing so much of his life to his need for revenge.

Which kind of leads up to my next point... I'm very nit-picky when Jazz is shown to be super BAMF and always ready to throw down. Jazz has always been badass to me, but I always felt like her type of strength always relied more on her intelligence, sharp wit, and most of all her compassion. She's a good shot, and she's always willing to step in physically if she feels like it's necessary, but violence has never been her first choice. She wants to be a psychologist/psychiatrist - for her to constantly be willing to roll up her sleeves and punch someone out is not conductive to a working and trusting relationship between a doctor and their patient. Or between most people, in general.

(Another thing! I feel like Jazz would believe that people deserve second chances. While she might agree that someone like the Joker might be beyond saving (something she might agree to with great hesitancy and reluctance), she wants to believe so badly that people can change for the better. This could be caused and/or linked to her childhood, and how her parents never spent time on her and Danny but she was desperate to fix their family. Which could be the reason she got into psychology in the first place. For her to admit that some people can never change, would be like Jazz admitting that she wasted the early formative years of life trying to fix a broken home all for nothing. This, however, would cause more contention between her and the Red Hood. Can you tell I don't think they'd get along?)

However, this sort of personality and behavior is very reminiscent of someone else. That person of course being Danny himself. Danny is the one that's often throwing himself into fights and roughing it up before thinking twice. When he grows up, he might learn to rein it back in and think things through more, but I find it strange that the exact opposite it applied to Jazz's character when she has already succeeded with a balance of careful forethought and affirmative action. I like when there are differences between their characters, I like how they differentiate and balance each other out. I like how it shows their opposing thought processes and principles.

This does lead me to my next point... Liminal!Jazz is very hit and miss for me. Giving her ghostly qualities not only takes away some of the things that make her unique to Danny (it sucks too because I adore how Jazz is so sympathetic and tries so hard to understand what Danny is struggling through, it really shows how supportive Jazz is and has always tried her best to be). It particularly irks me when it's explained that this is caused by ectocontamination when Danny supposedly never had those same ectocontamination effects BEFORE his Accident? When he was similarly contaminated for all of his life as well. Technically speaking, their parents should be contaminated too in order to make the reasoning consistent. But most of all it... and I hate to say this, but I feel like it cheapens Danny's tragic death. Danny went through SO MUCH and suffered excruciating pain and now whenever he looks in the mirror he will never see the same human kid he'd once been, while Jazz didn't have to suffer the same thing or even CLOSE TO IT and still got those same physical characteristics. ESPECIALLY when the reasoning feels hollow. And even I hate how I can't get into the concept because I've seen the headcanon utilized in some pretty inventive ways! Nonetheless it still bothers me and I see it so much that I find that I have to outright avoid so many fics to get away from it. The premise of the fic itself might interest me but the concept bothers me THAT MUCH that I just can't.

And a lot of this is connected to how Jazz is so often characterized or shown in conjunction to Danny. De-Aged!Danny fics where Jazz takes care of him are really cute- god knows I love a good baby!Danny story- but I feel like these fic concepts don't give Jazz the opportunity to shine on her own. When I heard people complained about where Danny was in Elizabehta_Beilschmidt's Friendly neighborhood vigilante (and yes I know what her @ is, but I am PURPOSEFULLY not tagging her), I was honestly SHOCKED. I loved that Danny wasn't really around. That might sound harsh, but I came for a Jazz/Jason fic where these two were the main characters. And who we, naturally, should spend the most time with.

Most of all, Jazz's whole personality and life should not be based on babysitting/caring for her little brother. Especially in a lot of these fics when Danny is an adult of his own. Danny has been shown to take care of himself even at fourteen, if he's eighteen or even in his twenties, that shouldn't have suddenly changed. Jazz should not have been forced to take care of her younger sibling to begin with, for her to be forced or feel obligated to continue and spend more of her life unnecessarily worrying and fussing over her brother is not fair to her. I hate to separate them, but their lives take them in different directions and it's not healthy or fair for them to curb their wants and dreams to satisfy their desire (and perhaps even codependency) to stick together. It's both adorable and heartbreaking in kid!Danny fics to see how she continues to hold strong and try to do her best for him, but she already spent so much of her life doing that. Let her have time for herself and her interests and her cute boyfriend GODDAMMIT!

So yeah. I have Complicated TM feelings about Anger Management. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

#halfagone rambles #don't take this personally if you disagree #you do you my friend

[mousmoula]

my thoughts (and prayers) on shadow & bone season 2:

(spoilers ahead, mostly about the crows, also i haven't watched the last 2 eps yet, i'll reblog with anything else when i do)

i LOVED wesper but holy fuck did they rush the fuck out of their relationship

i'm too lazy to retype it but i summed it up adequately here earlier:

the other tags i wanted to put here aren't in english so tldr: in the books, wylan and jesper's relationship is founded in their mutual respect for and admiration of each others' strengths, intelligence and genuine trust that they can do so much more than they allow themselves to. this type of relationship takes time to build, time which this show absolutely did not give them. that being said, again—i doubt the creators thought they would have the time to begin with (see tags above) and i don't really blame them for rushing it.

also... so many iconic scenes from soc AND ck lost 😭 i liked how they recreated some of them in the context of the show but some others i'll miss forever

on the plus side, we may not have gotten "just girls?" "no, not just girls" but we did get jesper recognising wylan only after he's on top on him,,, other stuff so i can't really complain lol. i enjoyed it!

wylan felt quite underdeveloped to me, plus he was reduced to his relationship with jesper, barely existed outside of it and didn't interact almost at all with anyone else. it HURTS me soul, last 2 eps better fix this.

i loved matthias making friends with his cell mate 😭

pekka rollins was a good villain in the books but they made him truly horrible in this one like jesus christ there was NO reason for him to be that bad. not complaining though! i like a good villain. i also want to see him crucified

KAZ BREKKER AND HIS LOVELY, BEAUTIFUL, INCREDIBLE BRAIN

no but i love how, once you learn enough about kaz, he's so... easy to read? as a character? every single plan of his so far this season i've been able to predict and it brings me such joy every time. this isn't me saying he was predictable, in fact i think they got his funky little brain very correctly and i loved that. they didn't get everything perfectly with him but i think his plans were super well-thought through and it reminded me how much i adore this asshole (affectionate)

where the hell was jesper's gambling addiction during this season.......... i was so happy with how they dealt with it during s1 and now 6 eps in it hasn't been mentioned in the slightest

his conflict with being a durast was also handled a bit badly, mainly because there was hardly any conflict at all 😭

overall sad with how jesper's character was dealt with, he's one of my favourites and i'm pretty frustrated lol

KANEJ<333333

i could write an essay on why i love and adore every single one of the crows basically

GENYA LOVE OF MY LIFE

i love her so much she didn't deserve all this crap i'm SO upset with her backstory with the king ew

how tf do people like alina and the darkling together lmao there's no romance there 😭

NIKOLAI IS EVERYTHING TO ME ACTUALLY i haven't read shadow and bone but i loved his character so much

think i've said this before but when he appeared in crooked kingdom i pictured him in my head as the duke of weselton (or however tf that's spelt) from frozen. make of that what you will.

TOLYA AND TAMAR'S INTRO WAS THE COOLEST FUCKING THING I'VE EVER WATCHED i rewatched it so many times 😭 absolutely incredible characters, i love them

i feel so bad but among everything else i really couldn't care about the whole darkling and alina plot... mal being the firebird, nikolai's crew, baghra's sacrifice, genya trying to redeem herself etc were all very interesting arcs and i cared very much about them but the main plot about alina and kirigan and the problems between them. i just. Do Not Care

tolya and jesper's "friendship" so to say was lovely

i'll genuinely clip tolya and tamar's intro and tattoo it on my forehead i'm listening to the soundtrack now and i'm losing my head it was so GOOD

kaz better mention van eck by the end of the season i NEED them to set this plot up for when (if) we get s3 or a soc spin-off

the fold was such a good world-building part last season but we barely saw it this time. i fucking miss the fold. what's life

the whole season felt very,,, transitional, maybe? so we better fucking get another one. netflix i'm watching you and you better fucking prove me wrong

where the fuck is fedyor 😭 and (because i care about fedyor's happiness) where the fuck is ivan

me: damn i hope vasily dies he's annoying as fuck

vasily: *dies a good 10 seconds later*

overall: generally happy with this season, upset with what they did to the crows, still hyped to finish the last 2 eps and share more thoughts (and prayers)

if you watch the series with the mindset that it's a completely separate thing (from six of crows/crooked kingdom) and just to have fun, you're guaranteed that much, in my opinion. it's fun and i can ignore the stuff i'm upset about because i can re-read soc anytime so yeah!

#long post #my apologies #shadow and bone #shadow and bone spoilers #six of crows

[sleepyowlwrites]

Sleepy! :D :D Happy STS! I have two questions for you!

I know you don't really plan too much, but I gotta ask, partly out of curiosity and partly because I'm totally down for tips: how do you keep track of all the details concerning all your OCs? How do you build each of their storylines and flesh them out so well? (Also, do you keep notes in docs just for OCs, or do you just sort of keep details about them spread across posts? Like, in general, how does your track-keeping work?)

Feel free to ignore this one if you prefer keeping your original fic and fanfic separately, but you mentioned Power Rangers fic?? 8) Which seasons and what about? (Miiiiight secretly be trash for specific seasons myself, haha.)

oh breezy. you're such a treasure. I love you.

question 1: I have a few methods and they all work together in a chaotic way.

first of all, I have a really good visual memory. when I combine visual and kinesthetic together by typing down information, I can keep it in my brain pretty easily. I also combine the rubber duck method and explain my character facts and arcs to my purple walls and whatever actor has been in whatever thing I've most recently watched. sometimes my mom, but she can't remember whatever I told her last time, so it's not super helpful. I also tell writeblr friends, like you, or Dreamy when she's like "Sleepy don't you have any new tidbits for me about Jet pretty please" and I'm like "I guess I can come up with something" and then I remember even more.

second, I use scrivener, and whatever info I come up with either during ask games or randomly, I just stick it in the folder for that. youth story, anxiety story and rain story have their own docs. summon, magick and city are all in another doc (but this hnnnng...might change soon) and there are folders inside folders. here is the current state of affairs:

I don't always label everything the same, but I could, if I took the time.

third, I sometimes write up character stats by hand to help with memory, too, and sometimes write down ideas or snatches of scenes or sketch maps and stuff. writing and typing have there own spaces in the brain, apparently, so they sit different. in my current writing journal, I have a whole bunch of summon story notes, meta-portal character stats, scenes from youth story, poetry that I was writing from memory, and random sentences.

fourth, I have character tags, and if I've put any kind of details about a certain character in a post, I'll tag it accordingly. we all know tumblr's searching function is bunk, but if I click the tag c: zan, then I will see all the posts that relate specifically to him. I just detailed a bunch of stuff about Moss for Dreamy, and tagged the ask so I can find it again when I'm trying to remember if I ever told anyone that Moss likes to do crossword puzzles.

fifth, there is no fifth. my main method is the first one. I just retain information the best if I repeat it to myself out loud and then also write it down. so that's what I do. same as at work. if I want to remember something, I repeat it out loud several times and then also sometimes write it down on my hand for later.

you gotta find what your learning type is and allow yourself to find methods that utilize and benefit from it. I'll never be able to glean information from audiobooks or podcasts, but I can watch video essays and learn a lot. because I'm visual, and secondarily kinesthetic, so I work with that. do what works for you!

question 2:

I had planned on writing for all the episodes that were most beloved to me in a whole bunch of series, but ultimately, the only fic I've written to vague conclusion (it's still unfinished at 7K) is for Power Rangers Samurai. I wrote it out of frustration and spite because I was so underwhelmed with the writing of that season/set of seasons. also I don't think Mike was anyone's favorite character but he was mine, so I did my usual "insert oc to make canon characters confront their feelings" thing but I don't think I'll ever finish this one. I'd like to get around to writing stuff for the other series like Ninja Storm, RPM, Wild Force, Dino Charge and Time Force. nothing can make me write fix-it fic for Mystic Force, though. even the franchise refuses. we've done dinosaurs FOUR TIMES NOW and we still can't get a magic power ranger do-over.

my favorite series is RPM, if you're curious. wait, not only do I have to write the mercenary wip for you, but I have to write power rangers fic for you??

I'd do it, though. you know I would. do you know? I'm am externally motivated. if I want to be internally motivated, I have to create external stimuli. that could be you.

oof, why do I have so many stories? the people who can write one thing at a time are champions of this sport.

thanks for dropping by, Breezy! take some waffles to go!

#sleepy answers #sts #breezy friend #writing advice

[blackbird-brewster]

It's done.

Fooled Around (and Fell in Love) - Part 3, is done.

I could ramble for hours about how I feel right now and as much as I'd love to lie and say I'll try to be a bit succinct to spare you all a long, emotional essay -- that's not happening. My blog, my feels.

I think it's important for me to start by saying, 'Fooled Around' was a miracle project, it brought me out of years of writers' block. Up until July 2022, I had been writing-retired for seven years. There were a few times during that hiatus where I tried to write, but the words always felt forced and disingenuous. I honestly believed I'd never write fanfic again -- then one night, out of nowhere, I got a comment on an old fic and it reignited my passion.

I spent that whole night re-reading my old works, delving into my personal archives, reading the outlines of WIPs that were never finished and that's when I came across my original outline from 2015 for a Jemily fanfic based on 'Imagine Me and You'.

I even had a couple of chapters already written from back then, it wasn't very good, it was admittedly just a scene-for-scene remake.

And for whatever reason, after seven years, I saw this WIP and went "Huh, I think I'd like to finish that."

With that, Fooled Around (and Fell in Love) was born. I wrote the entirety of Part 1 in ten days and the thing was, it wasn't even labelled 'Part 1' because I had no intention of making this into a series when I was writing it.

But by the time I had it fully posted, I already realised how much I wanted to keep writing these characters. When I began Part 2 in September 2022, there were only TWO other fics on AO3 in the JJ/Tara tag (there are now 26!). I loved writing their story and creating my polyam OT3 which I lovingly call, Je T'Emily.

Part 2 took less than three weeks to write and when it was complete, it was my longest fic to date (87k) and this time, I really did feel contented with where the story ended.

Afterwards, I worked on other projects, wrote tons and tons of new fics, including my 101k Jemily saga: i can't be wrong (to be craving you).

All the while, my Fooled Around characters started popping up in the back of my mind again, little plot bunnies rattling around, keeping me up at night, until finally, I sat down in May and said 'What could Part 3 be about?'

What I never expected was for this fic to take SEVEN months to write. Previously, the longest I had ever spent on a single project was four months and those were babies compared to Part 3.

Part 3 not only eclipsed my previous 101k WC record for longest fic, it more than DOUBLED that. In the end, this fic turned out to be 220,000 words long (equivalent to a 960 page novel).

I wish I was the type of person who could be proud of their own achievements, but I'm not. Even as I write this, there's part of me saying just delete and never post it, because no one cares about any of this -- but I'm fighting that little voice, because I truly do want to document how it feels to complete such a massive fic.

I poured hundreds of hours into this story, I did SO much editing, so much re-writing, re-working. I had a total of four main characters, their individual plots, plus SIX other characters, and their subsequent side-plots. To weave threads and continuity through a project spanning seven months of work was no easy feat.

I learned so much about myself in the process. Both regarding my writing styles, my stamina, and the dire need for me to find balance with writing and my own well-being. I pushed myself into burnout and the last few months have been really difficult on me, but I was determined to finish what I started.

And now, I have.

Six months of weekly updates and it all ends this Friday and I couldn't be happier.

To any of my readers who have made it this far, thank you. Your weekly comments and support really were the motivation that kept me going through the worst of it. Please know your usernames are all known well amongst me and my partner, because I share all of your comments with them and rave about how amazing you all are for coming on this journey with me.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. We may not know each other outside of AO3 comments or tumblr, but please know, I consider each and every one of you to be my friends and I cannot express my gratitude enough.

Pleased to tell you all, Fooled Around (and Fell in Love) will be back next year. Not as anything as massive as Part 3, but I'm planning to write a series of individual character epilogues to wrap up the series.

Until then, X.

#faafil #faafil3 #my writing #about me 2k23 #I'm so emotional #je t'emily

[dragonindigo245]

Official post for my orange side theory

AND NO IT IS NOT WRATH OR ANGER

WARNING: Spoilers for Working Through Intrusive Thoughts. I'm not gonna bother adding the spoiler tag to this post because all the spoilers are going to be under the read more.

Also this post is long so be warned.

Back in early August of 2020 I came up with an orange side theory I have stuck with for a long time. I always found the orange side theory of wrath/anger to be odd, seeing as anger is an emotion not a personality trait, and therefore made an effort to try and discover what I can see the orange side being. In light of the fandoms response to the latest asides saying that orange being wrath is "now canon", I figured it was time to bring it back, along with new points and explanations.

What is the orange side exactly? The answer is simple. He might not be this exactly, but orange is naivety, irrationality, or the inability to see logic clearly.

This started when I made the connection to the dark sides being complete opposites to one another. For example, Janus and Patton are opposite ends of the moral spectrum, Roman and Remus are opposite ends of the creative spectrum, and Logan himself is on the functionality/rationality spectrum. The opposite end would be something like naivety or irrationality.

After that post, I made another a couple of months ago with 3 main points, the first being the opposite ends point. The other two points are just as important.

Point 2: It ties into the 3 monkeys theory

The recent episode confirmed the 3 monkeys theory, further solidifying this point. In case you live under a rock or are new to the Sanders Sides theories, the 3 monkeys theory is based on the whole "See no evil, hear no evil, and speak no evil" thing. The dark sides all have powers relating to each of these.

Janus has the ability to mute the sides (speak no evil), Remus has the ability to muffle the sides (hear no evil), and Orange has the ability to... make... their eyes pretty? I'm sure that we will get an actual explanation on how he influenced Logan in the future lol. Regardless, orange is definitely see no evil.

Now you may be asking, Indigo, how does this tie into irrationality?

Do you know what irrationality is? The inability to SEE the world clearly or to SEE reason or logic. Irrationality blinds you to reason itself. It makes sense, seeing as emotions are illogical and orange clearly did something to push Logan to an outburst. When orange provided his influence, Logan's eyes glowed orange, indicating he lost the ability to see purely logically. While, yes, orange did this with anger as a vessel, irrationality takes many forms.

Point 3: Color symbolism

Something that is frequently overlooked when fanders make theories about the sides is that each side ties into their color scheme in some way. Roman being red ties into him functioning as Thomas' romantic side, Patton's light blue tying into his gentle nature and trustworthiness, etc.

Orange is a color that is tied to joy and youth. Being naïve to the world around you crumbling down will often make you happier. While some naivety is great and can make you happy, in large doses it is a threat to your well being.

Point 3.5: How is this connection accurate?

A great deal of the plot in this episode, especially the endcard, showcases this irrational blindness to all of the issues the sides are having with each other. Throughout the episode, Logan keeps having to sacrifice his plan to help Thomas and then once Nico calls Thomas, Thomas doesn't know how hard it hurts Logan to once again be brushed off. In the endcard, Patton and Roman tell Logan that this is more important, not realizing how rejected Logan feels.

This isn't just happening with Logan either. Patton and Virgil have had some rising tension as of late as well. This is showcased the most clearly in this video when Virgil snaps at Patton and says "Oh thank goodness. You're giving him permission." sarcastically. Patton takes this as "I didn't know you would give him permission" whereas Virgil was meaning "He doesn't need your permission to feel good about this". Furthermore, each of the light sides have argued with each other individually in different episodes except for Virgil and Patton.

With Janus recently being more accepted, Remus appearing and hurting everyone, and the tension each of the main sides have... it's all going to fall apart. Nobody but the dark sides seem to notice this tension, not even Thomas. Why? Because they are being naïve. The orange side is either keeping them blissfully unaware or the very fact they are unaware is giving the orange side power.

What is the new point you mentioned?

This video with the orange side really got my gears turning. I began making connections that otherwise I didn't have the ability to make, or never happened to think of. The fact my theory has managed to hold up in a heavy orange side lore video only solidifies my confidence in this.

Point 4: The dark sides revolve around the truth

This theory is a little more of a stretch but if I'm right, then this is all the evidence I really need to confirm that orange is irrationality.

Janus is essentially the ring leader of the dark sides. He keeps them hidden until Thomas wants to be aware of them, with the potential exception of Virgil who we don't know when he was revealed to Thomas. However, each dark side has something in common besides witty remarks. They all center around the truth.

Janus and Remus are easier to figure out, seeing as Janus is literally the embodiment of lies and Remus has multiple times where it is obvious he provides the unfortunate truth. Remus being the bringer of truth is showcased multiple times, which I will only bullet point because this post is more-so about orange than him.

His line of "I would never hide anything from you."

Janus bit in Forbidden Fruit that goes "No longer will you deceive yourself about the ugliness within you."

Logan admitting Remus can help Thomas in his own way

Virgil on the other hand is harder. Unlike the other two, Virgil represents a completely different angle of this "truth theme". Virgil represents the fear of both the truth and the unknown. Why would Janus even need to even repress the dark sides in the first place if Thomas wasn't afraid of the truth that they were apart of him? Why would Thomas had admitted he didn't want there to be more dark sides after he asks if there were more of them if it were not fear he had more unwanted parts of him and fear of not knowing what they were?

Virgil knows Thomas' fears. This would have made admitting he was a dark side such a hard feat. If he felt Thomas was chill with the dark sides, Virgil could have instantly told Thomas he was in fact one of them. In a way, this makes Virgil the perfect bridge between the light and dark sides. The dark sides provide Thomas with the truth he needs or wants, and the light sides figure out how to handle it.

Point 4.5: What does this have to do with orange?

Orange would keep Thomas from the truth. While, yes, this is the exact same thing Janus does, Orange would do it another way. Janus makes Thomas unaware of the truth he KNOWS. Unconsciously, Thomas still knows what Janus hides. This makes it entirely different from how naivety works. Naivety would keep him from ever learning the information in the first place.

Furthermore, we saw that orange is potentially connected to Janus in some way. The very last thing we see in Working Through Intrusive Thoughts is the flash from Janus' eyes, to oranges eyes. This could be a slight hint at Janus and Oranges functions not being so far apart.

Or the writers just thought it would look neat. That too.

Is Logan the orange side?

I can say with almost 100% certainty the answer is no. We saw before each sides introduction, they manifested themselves in the other sides.

Janus silenced Roman in Accepting Anxiety Part 2, Remus manifested in Roman by giving him random unwanted outbursts (like the naked Aunt Patty line that Roman said he didn't know where it came from in the Christmas episode), and therefore it follows orange is manifesting in his own way.

Furthermore, Logan is not the type of character to turn evil. He has outbursts and is being beaten down but he would never snap for good. If anything, we have seen from Putting Others First that he would only appear as needed if he felt ignored.

Logan is not one to let his emotions make irrational decisions for long, and he almost always goes to make up for his mistakes the moment they happen. He always has Thomas' best interests at heart and has witnessed Virgil realizing force is not the way to go about it.

It makes no sense for his character and there is no reason for it to happen narratively.

Please note that this post is simply a theory and I do not wish to start arguments about if I am right or not. If you are going to provide counterclaims, please do so respectfully and do not clog my notes with your own essay. Thank you!

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #ts orange #ts orange side #janus sanders #ts janus #ts deceit #ts virgil #ts anxiety #virgil sanders #ts remus #ts creativity #remus sanders #ts roman #roman sanders #ts logic #ts logan #logan sanders #ts dark sides #ts theories

[feralphoenix]

SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS: The Mechanics of the Infection

welcome back to feral’s essay tag where the hot takes don’t stop from keep being hot!

this particular meta has a Lot of citations from canon, and my plan is to have them as actual footnotes in the dreamwidth mirror when that goes up (as i always crosspost my meta there in case my layout text is too small for any folks accessing these from computer and not mobile).

CONTENT WARNING FOR TONIGHT’S PROGRAM: This essay contains discussion of body horror, cancer, and many of the darker aspects of Hallownest’s society.

ALSO, AS USUAL: I read Hollow Knight as anti-colonialist fiction and all of my meta approaches the text from that angle. This essay is strongly critical of the Pale King and Hallownest, and affords sympathy to pre-Hallownest societies & native characters, including Radiance. If you come from a Christian cultural background (regardless of whether you currently practice the religion or not), some of the concepts I am going to discuss may be challenging for you. Please be responsible in your choice whether to engage with this content, and also, be respectful here or wherever else you’re discussing this essay. Thanks.

SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS: The Mechanics of the Infection

If you’ve ever looked through my Hollow Knight tags, you have probably seen me joke about the Infection like a lot, usually along the lines of Radiance casting Level 9 Inflict Tang on Hallownest, or “(radi voice) the End of EVA will continue until you Let My People Go” or some such. In addition to being some of the most beautiful body horror I’ve yet seen in fiction, its appearance also makes it a veritable meme factory.

It is also something that inspires a lot of very wild theorizing amongst fans, because canon tells us WHY the Infection exists but doesn’t ever directly explain WHAT it is. To name just a few of the guesses I’ve seen, people have posited that it could be some sort of pupa juice, or maybe some type of parasitic fungus.

I have my own guess, though, and it’s based on hints we can find in-game. I would like to share it with the class today, so let’s take a quick look through the sauce, starting with what we already know!

WHY

We learn why the Infection happened from Seer and Moss Prophet, and this is also summed up more directly in Team Cherry’s dev notes attached to Seer.

The Pale King wanted to be the only god of light in the crater,* so he tried to kill Radiance by thralling her children - attracting the moths with his light and making them forget about her,** assimilating them into Hallownest. Radiance survived because some moths still remembered and tried to preserve what they could of their original culture,*** and eventually she attempted to reassert her existence and communicate with the bugs of the crater by speaking to them through their dreams. However, the Pale King realized what was happening and ordered his worshippers to shut her out.****

Radiance did not give up, and continued to broadcast her message through dreams. This unstoppable force VS immovable object conflict could not last forever - something eventually had to give, and what gave was the mortals.***** The Infection was an accident that Radiance did not initially intend, but presumably chose to weaponize after the fact as a way to attempt to pressure TPK into releasing the moths and leaving her alone (or, barring that, a way to thoroughly destroy his kingdom at the very least).

SOURCES:

* “No blazing kin. Only one light shall shine against the dark.” - Lore tablet hidden beside the Pale King’s throne in the White Palace.

** “None of us can live forever, and so we ask those who survive to remember us. Hold something in your mind and it lives on with you, but forget it and you seal it away forever. That is the only death that matters.” - Seer’s 1200 Essence dialogue.

*** “But the memories of that ancient light still lingered, hush whispers of faith... Until all of Hallownest began to dream of that forgotten light.” - Seer’s 2400 Essence dialogue.

**** “The King and the bugs of hallownest resisted this memory/power and it started to manifest as the infection.” - from Team Cherry’s dev notes attached to Seer.

***** “Light is life, beaming, pure, brilliant. To stifle that light is to suppress nature. Nature suppressed distorts, plagues us.” - Moss Prophet's dialogue.

HOW

Now that we’ve recapped why the Infection exists, let’s examine the process of how the Infection works. We see some examples of this with various characters in-game, and the Hunter also shares his observations of the Infection’s mechanics in his commentary on the Infected Crossroads entries.

Since we’ll be bringing up the Hunter's Journal here, I want to first examine three entries to establish its dual authorship and how trustworthy it is: The Shade’s entry, the Lightseed’s, and Radiance’s.

We know that the bottom section of the Hunter’s Journal is the Hunter’s personal notes on each creature because the game itself tells us so. So who writes the notes on top that give a brief explanation of what each creature is? It’s a common fan theory that Ghost writes these, which I believe is indeed the case.

First let’s look at the Shade, which is automatically unlocked when we receive the Hunter's Journal in-game regardless of whether we have died and fought the Shade or not. Mechanically this is important because if the Shade weren’t unlocked by default it would be impossible to attain the Hunter achievements without dying at least once - this would REALLY suck for anybody who likes to suffer enough to try to complete the journal in Steel Soul mode.

The Shade’s entry reads:

Echo of a previous life. Defeat it to retake its power and become whole.

-

Each of us leaves an imprint of something when we die. A stain on the world. I don’t know how much longer this kingdom can bear the weight of so many past lives...

Notice that the top text knows exactly what the Shade is and how it works. In story terms, this would imply that Ghost has died and come back enough pre-game to understand the mechanics of how their revivals work.

The Lightseed’s entry reads:

A single-celled organism, completely infected. Scurries about simple-mindedly.

-

Strange air has been seeping down from above for years. Some of the air became liquid, and some of that liquid became flesh, and some of that flesh came to life. I don’t know what to make of it.

In this entry, the top text assumes that Lightseeds are a Lifeseed-like creature that has been infected, and the Hunter’s notes reveal that this is incorrect and the Lightseeds were actually born from the Infection itself. From this we learn that the top text isn’t omniscient and can be mistaken: It’s written from a limited perspective.

And here’s Radi’s entry:

The light,* forgotten.

-

The plague, the infection, the madness that haunts the corpses of Hallownest... the light that screams out from the eyes of this dead Kingdom. What is the source? I suppose mere mortals like myself will never understand.

Here, the top text has information that the Hunter doesn’t, and which only a handful of bugs are privy to anymore.

From these three examples, I believe it is safe to say that Ghost is in fact the author of the journal entries’ top segments.

It’s important to remember that the observations these characters make can be not wholly correct, and I’ll bring that up when I believe it to be relevant, but for now let’s build a picture of how a case of the Infection generally progresses by looking at the Hunter’s commentary on Infected Crossroads enemies, and at a handful of characters whose Infection we directly observe: Bretta, Sly, Myla, and Moss Prophet.

The Hunter describes the broad arc of Infection progression in the Violent Husk's entry: “First [the bugs of Hallownest] fell into deep slumber, then they awoke with broken minds, and then their bodies started to deform...”

The two NPCs who we can save from becoming Infected, Bretta and Sly, are initially found emitting orange fog and mumbling to themselves. In Bretta’s case, when listened to, she initially talks about being left behind and forgotten** as she assumes that all people will treat her this way even though she craves affection and attention; Dream Nailed either before or after being listened to, she mentions a “shining figure”.***

Meanwhile, Sly speaks about his pupil Oro and someone named Esmy, and when his symptoms subside he identifies that he was led to the Crossroads village ruins by a dream.****

Listening to Bretta and Sly completely brings them back to reality, after which they leave the underground area entirely to return to Dirtmouth. However, when the player encounters Myla after defeating Soul Master and obtaining Descending Dive, listening to her does not cause any change in her condition despite that she is not yet hostile.

During these encounters, Bretta is surrounded by orange fog, Sly is surrounded by orange fog and his eyes have also begun to turn orange, and Myla's eyes are glowing but there is no fog around her. So, we can deduce that for as long as the orange fog is present, a bug may still be awoken and cured (Bretta and Sly both show no signs of relapse over the course of the game), but once the fog disappears the bug can no longer be saved by external means.

The "deformation" that the Hunter mentions in the Violent Husk entry refers to the large blobs of Infection that develop on the bodies of creatures that have been infected for a long period of time. We observe these upon the Infected Crossroads enemies, as well as on Hollow and the Moss Prophet. We also see that these Infection tumors can eventually kill bugs once they grow too large and impede bodily functions, just like real cancer: The Moss Prophet and Mossy Vagabonds are all discovered in this state after the Crossroads become infected, as are the Husk Guards in the Crossroads.

So, the progression we can see here is that bugs become infected through their dreams, and while they can initially be woken, if left alone they will fall into too deep a sleep to wake up. Some time after this they will start to move around again but will be hostile to any creatures that are not infected. And, if left in this state for a very long period of time, they will develop tumorous growths which are potentially fatal.

Potentially fatal. This is an interesting contradiction to a basic assumption that most players - and even Ghost and the Hunter - seem to hold about the Infection: That is, that the Infection functions like a pop-culture zombie plague, and infected creatures are all undead (reanimated dead things that can't be killed); thus that the enemies that respawn after resting or going offscreen are the same ones that Ghost just murdered, and have simply been reanimated by the Infection once again.

But infected creatures can die of the Infection. What’s more, bosses and unique instances of generic enemies (such as Myla and the Moss Knight at the pier of Unn’s lake) do not respawn once killed. And it’s definitely not that Ghost killed them that counts: Traitor Lord dies whether Ghost fights him solo or whether Cloth is brought along, in which case she always gets the final blow. This creates the argument that the respawning generics are NOT in fact the same individuals reanimated over and over, but different individuals of the same enemy class, and that their different respawn rates speak to how plentiful those creatures are - small animals respawning faster because a new one will arrive in the recently killed one’s territory sooner, for instance.

Ghost and the Hunter both seem to assume that infected enemies are all undead - many creatures are identified as “husks” or “the remains of [whatever specific bug]” in the Hunter's Journal. But we’ve already established that sometimes Ghost and the Hunter are wrong.

So, if infected creatures aren’t undead, then what are they?

SOURCES:

* I find it a very interesting tidbit of characterization for Ghost that they refer to Radiance as the Light, as native bugs do, rather than calling her the Old Light, as Hallownest bugs did. This has some fascinating implications for where Ghost feels their allegiances to be, but that's neither here nor there right now lol.

** “Ohhh... please... don’t leave me behind! You... forgot about me...? I knew you would... everyone always forgets about me...” - Bretta’s dialogue, Fungal Wastes encounter

*** “...Shining figure...So bright...” - Bretta’s Dream Nail dialogue, Fungal Wastes encounter

**** “...ugghh, Oro you oaf.... You wield your nail... like a club... ...Esmy... how much deeper do we have to go... Oh! What?! Who are you?! ...I see. This old village. What a strange dream, to have led me down here! If you hadn’t found me, I don’t think I would’ve ever woken.” - Sly’s dialogue, Crossroads village encounter

WHAT

In a move very on-brand for Hollow Knight, there’s actually a line from Seer that gives the whole game away - and I mean this incredibly literally, she declares her loyalty to Radiance and says Fuck Hallownest and also hints at what she hopes for from Ghost all in two breaths!! - except that most players are never going to see this line because Seer only says this if you screw up platforming in the Forgotten Dream and yeet yourself off a platform before picking up the Dream Nail.

I do not doubt that I could wring a whole essay out of this one line by itself (and Seer deserves an essay from me so maybe I will), but today the part we’re concerned with is the third line of this dialogue, i.e. how she describes the Dream Nail to Ghost: “The power to wake this world from its slumber[.]”

Its slumber.

The Infection doesn’t only spread through dreams. It is a dream.

To put it in a more meta/video game mechanics sort of way, the Infection is a status ailment. Sleep exists as a common status ailment in RPGs, strategy games, and even some adventure games and platformers. Usually the status ailment of sleep is a mild nuisance that wears off after time, when a character is struck, or if the requisite curative is used; in comparison the Infection is Sleep But Bass Boosted. Appropriate, for a glorified status ailment that’s inflicted by the literal actual god of dreams.

The Infection can only be cured in the very early stages. Once an infected creature has fallen into a coma, there’s no longer any hope of a third party breaking the curse... and also, infected creatures sleepwalk. Violently.

This may also provide an explanation for why mummified bugs in the catacombs have been infected, too: If they were freshly dead and their lingering spirit was still attached enough to their corpses, and that lingering spirit retained enough of a mind to dream...

Aside from those mummified bugs, though, I believe it likely that most if not all of the infected enemies in-game are very, very much alive.

Beyond all the dialogue and lore crumbs pointing to the Infection simply being a cursed sleep, this explanation makes the most sense when thinking about Radiance as a character. She is the literal embodiment of dreams as well as the sun, so inflicting eternal slumber with bonus malignant sleepwalking is a natural extension of her power and a way to use it offensively without being directly violent.

(I've written about this at length elsewhere, but signs point to Radiance having been a pacifist prior to the Pale King’s invasion. Short version: The Moth Tribe were pacifists and Radiance was the center of their culture so it would be odd if she were an exception; she is incapable of inflicting any physical harm whatsoever in a game where lack of contact damage from an active enemy indicates helplessness and such enemies always flee from Ghost unless they have a tool they can use to fight with; her behavior in her boss battles indicates a lack of combat experience, and her nail-generating spells seem to be based on Hollow’s abilities. Real-life adult moths cannot fight - they defend themselves with flight, camouflage, mimicry, and I’m Poisonous So Fuck Off coloring.)

Now, I don’t want to downplay the harm the Infection causes - it doesn’t have to turn bugs into literal undead zombies to be devastating. What we can glean of Hallownest’s ruins suggests that as a state it was heavily dependent on labor to run its industry, so incapacitating the laborers would have turned the whole country on its head, especially because those laborers cannot be woken. The Infection also created an intense atmosphere of terror throughout Hallownest as bugs tried to discover ways to cure it or at least protect themselves. And as the Hunter observes,* because of how the Infection is caused, the harder you try to block Radiance out, the worse the Infection will get.

(A sidebar: Interestingly, the Infection's progress seems to be very slow when a creature willingly accepts it; Moss Prophet has Infection tumors when met but doesn’t die of them until the Crossroads is infected, though many Crossroads bugs are found dead of tumors immediately. Traitor Lord and his followers opted in to the Infection long ago, but Traitor Lord is still at the “orange fog” stage and could theoretically be cured, if he wanted to be. Both Traitor Lord and Moss Prophet are still completely lucid, too.)

Radiance may not have committed any direct violence against Hallownest, but the Infection does incite violence: infected creatures become hostile to and will attack the uninfected. And as we’ve discussed, the Infection itself can become fatal once it’s progressed far enough for tumorous growths to form.

A god smiting the shit out of her people’s oppressors by nonviolently but thoroughly disrupting their kingdom, Especially if that kingdom is a genocidal colonialist slave state,** as a Let My People Go And Leave Me Alone :) ultimatum is not unreasonable. (And Moss Prophet tells us point-blank that literally just listening to Radiance in the first place would have prevented the Infection before it began!) But despite that Hallownest as an institution is unambiguously awful, Hallownest bugs victimized by their own state (such as the maggot slaves and other menial workers) probably saw much less benefit from Hallownest’s genocides than the rich and nobility, and likely deserved the smiting way less than said rich and nobility.

Meanwhile Hallownest’s neighbors - all native nations who are just as much victims of TPK’s bullshit as the Moth Tribe - did not deserve to get caught up in the smiting at all.

Lateral harm in Hollow Knight is another topic that deserves its own essay - and more than that, lots of in-depth conversation! - but, again, that’s not the topic we want to focus on today. I do want to make it clear, though, that infected creatures being alive and theoretically wakeable if the curse should end doesn’t suddenly mean the Infection was actually no big deal. If you want your jimmies rustled, try Dream Nailing enemies that pull from the generic Dream Nail dialogue pool: They are on some level aware that they’re dreaming and can’t wake.***

Clues that the Infection is literally a dream are littered all over the game, from Elderbug’s initial dialogue**** to the name of ending 3, Dream No More - not only named that because that’s the ending where Ghost sacrifices Radiance’s life as well as their own to end Hollow’s suffering rather than only sacrificing their freedom.

Some of what Bardoon and Moss Prophet have to say about the Infection is suggestive of the nature of this dream, though. Moss Prophet appeals to their audience to find unity through the Infection,***** and Bardoon also remarks on this, though he cautions that this comes at the cost of being reduced to instinct.****** Dreaming does tend to come hand in hand with lack of inhibition and suggestibility, but I’m more interested in what Moss Prophet and Bardoon mean by unity, since infected creatures’ thoughts are different depending on what they are and what they were already doing while awake.

There's less specific hard evidence for this aside from how we can observe that Infection blobs are connected to Radiance, transmitting her heartbeat and birthing the Lightseeds, her unintended creations. But given that those blobs do originate from Infection fluid according to the Hunter... Radiance is not just the embodiment of dreams but the heart of THE Dream. So could the Infection be a forcible pseudo-immersion into that capital-D Dream, the Dream Realm itself?

Whether my hunch here is right or not, I can’t in good faith end this essay without bringing all y’all’s attention to absolutely my favorite bit of The Infection Is A Dream foreshadowing: The way multiple parties mention the fact that the Infection smells and tastes sweet.*******

You know... it’s sweet... it’s a sweet dream... get it.........

And now that you can no longer unsee that brilliantly awful pun, I think I'll see myself out!

SOURCES:

* “The infection that swept through Hallownest so long ago... they say that the harder you struggled against it, the more it consumed you.” - Hunter’s commentary, Slobbering Husk Hunter’s Journal entry.

** I’m referring, of course, to the maggots. See: “Weakest members of the kingdom of Hallownest. Generally looked down upon and forced to do menial labour.” (Ghost’s commentary) and “If they try to bargain for their life, just ignore them. They have nothing to offer.” (Hunter’s commentary) from the Maggot Hunter's Journal entry as well as False Knight/Failed Champion’s backstory. Remember also that maggots are the larval form of flies like Sly (you’ll see the resemblance if you compare Sly’s features to the maggot siblings’), meaning Hallownest employs child slavery. In more cheerful news Sly’s backstory must be absolutely goddamn wild.

*** “I’m not...Dead..” “Am I...Sleeping?” “I can’t....Wake up...” - Dream Nail dialogue from generic Hallownest bugs (Wandering Husk, Leaping Husk, Horned Husk, Husk Bully, Husk Warrior) and from God Tamer for some reason

**** “Perhaps dreams aren't such great things after all...” - Elderbug’s initial dialogue

***** “Embrace light! Achieve union!” - Moss Prophet’s dialogue

****** “Theirs is a different kind of unity. Rejection of the Wyrm’s attempt at order. I resist the light’s allure. Union it may offer, but also a mind bereft of thought... To instinct alone a bug is reduced...Hrrm...” - Bardoon’s dialogue (Listen four times, not counting other dialogue flags)

******* “A thick orange mist fills these walking corpses. It has a sweet, sickly taste to it. I find it foul. After you kill these creatures, I suggest you do not eat them.” - Hunter’s commentary, Husk Bully Hunter’s Journal entry, just for one example.

#hollow knight #hollow knight spoilers #hollow knight meta #long post under cut - #essay

[heleneplays]

Fluffy ideas pt.1

not me back at it again @ the relics' modern college roommates au train but im soft and i need to make a bulletpoint ficlet for the kiddos <3

everyone collectively knowing each other's coffee/tea/beverage order bc there's a little bulletin board of notes by the kitchen, courtesy of Abdul and surprisingly, Rémy, to keep track of groceries and what to make when someone in the house needs it

Study groups-- they may be in different courses but some have skills and knowledge that overlap that can help, especially with the essay/research type assignments that some profs LOVE to give

Cleo & María's bitching dynamic-- throw in Esme for good measure and you can't ever escape the chaos brought by these women

Except Helene. She's a whole brand of chaos of her own :)

Rémy/Abdul/Esme rights :)

Zhu being the most adorable looking baby-faced guy you see...... until his murder energies leak out

He's a little meow meow but they love him anyway

Helene being baby and staying baby. The cinnamon bun. A floof--

WE GET IT!!!

moving on

weekend chill nights contrasted by Helene & Rémy's love to party.

LITERALLY INSUFFERABLE. the squad could have literal major exams the next day and Helene and Rémy would just be gearing out with their glitter crop tops and booty shorts to go clubbing while everyone stays to study aka that first MCR au fic i did so publish

but yea

They could drag the whole squad to a nightclub one hour and have them back home the next, eating burgers they got from the diner on the way home

speaking of food

please dont let cleo cook ever again, she gave everyone food poisoning. she's trying to learn but the squad has collectively given her vouchers for outside cooking training

also not maría, she makes things too spicy and not everyone can handle the heat

dont let zhu either, the knives go missing AND THEY'RE THE GOOD KIND

esme is on thin ice but aside the time she almost burned the kitchen down, she's doing okay :)

surprisingly dominique's the better cook, except they've got a lot of stuff to and dont have the time to cook for the squad always

and not to mention the propensity for pranks. the mugging incident particularly memorable bc even kamille went over from the house over to bonk them

so this means out of everyone Rémy and Abdul cooks most of the time, Esme tagging along to learn, maybe Cleo sometimes to observe :)

& Helene who usually does the desserts, with María who's job is to sit on the counter and look pretty <3

i love to see it

anyways spillane² verse can coexist in this, Kamille Spillane being Helene's friend/super super generations distant cousin who's living on an appartment next to their building, looking to date one (1) Jian Zhu

anyways that's that for the moment, thank u for reading my clownery and send comments/pms/asks if u have thoughts and suggestions <3

[Part 1] [Part 2]

#hee honk i have my clown nose and my clown permit and i am going to b insufferable abt these ideas #idk abt adding in the entirety of the Spillane Clown Brigade tho but if @mira-shard @horreurific have ideas for them #why not <3 #anyways yeehaw #*clown noises* #relics of the lost age #relics series #relics series my beloved #relics au #mcr gang #modern college roommates au #lee writes #lee writes stuff #my fic #fanfic #lee makes stuff #spillane²

[omniswords]

Chronicles of a Parisian Dumbass 15

new year, new chapter c: it's been a while since i've worked on Chronicles—December Mood dips are Not Delicious, plus i started streaming regularly, which has been fun! ((i’m omnistruck on Twitch if you want to check it out 🥰) but rest assured i intend to see it through to the end. i hope you've been well <3 take care, and enjoy!

From: itsdjbubbles

My dude, if your stage presence is anything like this flyer, y’all are absolutely gonna kill it at La Tortue.

Well. Luka doesn’t know about that.

It’s not like Kitty Section is totally obscure. They’ve had a stage in Paris’s annual pop-up music festival or more than one occasion. And sometimes Juleka’s tagged along to street corners with him so they could duet in hopes of more than just pocket change. And, of course, there was that whole music contest with Bob Ross and XY, but that had only ended in fiasco: their music was stolen, Rose’s vocals ripped right off the track. Luka argued up and down over the phone until he was red in the face, nearly biked down to the studio and let them have it, but he could hardly prove it. And he cared too much about it jeopardizing Juleka’s happiness to follow through.

Total corporate bullshit. He didn’t know how Jagged Stone did it. When he said so at dinner the night he gave up, his Ma only tousled his hair and said, “You’re my boy, aren’t you?”

Sometimes he thinks that’s the strongest, bravest, he’s ever been. That all his audacity peaked years ago, and he’s only gotten worse since then.

Bubbles isn’t corporate bullshit. Luka feels like he’d be able to figure out something like that from conversation alone. But their talks have been friendly—and more than that, supportive. He’s even shown a few messages to the band, just to check that he wasn’t losing his mind. And he saw how their faces softened in approval, or lit up with excitement. Even Juleka’s.

Besides, Bubbles makes music. And when he samples something, he actually credits it. He knows how to play the game. And it feels like they’re on the same side of the board.

Bubbles has that stage presence; the fact that he only needs that one shadowy picture on his profile is more than enough of an indicator. And Bubbles has a reputation that precedes him. So even if they’re on the same side of the board, it feels like Bubbles is always just a couple of steps ahead.

At least his bandmates are on the same side, and at the same step. All it took was a casual mention, during a late-night band practice, of “the bakery he keeps getting their snacks from” being all in on getting them even more exposure. They didn’t exactly do a good job of hiding their excitement, but he wouldn’t have wanted them to, anyway. Even Juleka, after practice ended, had to admit, “You did good.” And then, with perhaps a bit more snark, “Maybe she’s the one trying to impress you. “

“Stop,” Luka said with a roll of his eyes, but he couldn’t help thinking about it once the partition between their beds was up. There was no way Marinette Dupain-Cheng was trying to impress him.

…Was there?

By now, nearly a day later, Luka’s still asking himself that. Still hemming and hawing like they have more than just two weeks to get their act together. Pacing below deck with his phone in his hand, thinking about pear tarts and pretty faces instead of going to see them in person, and staring at Marinette’s phone numbers until he thinks he’s accidentally memorized both of them.

He doesn’t recognize the pattern or the area code of one of them, so he can only assume that it's an American number. But he still hasn’t mucked up the courage to text or even save the French one in his phone. Why does he need to be scared in the first place? It’s a phone number, and this is strictly business, and everything between them has been strictly business.

Well. Nearly everything. Nearly strictly.

He thinks.

Okay. Okay. All he has to do is say… what? Hi? Who just starts texting someone for the first time with “Hi?” But he can’t go writing a whole essay either, even though at least now he has the power to edit his words instead of just saying them and hoping for the best.

This is harder than it needs to be. And yeah, maybe he’s just making it harder than it needs to be, but it’s not like his brain and the shake in his hands are giving him much of a choice in the matter.

Luka switches back over to his message thread with Bubbles and shoots off a quick reply—flatterer—because maybe answering something easy will make the hard stuff more tolerable. He finds himself looking toward his guitar as though it might lend him strength… well, what the hell. It couldn’t hurt. He plays a doodle or two, idle notes, and catches himself before his fingers can drift toward the beginning of the ocean-blue song. At this point, it’s neither perfect nor good, and he can’t tell if it’s personal dissatisfaction or the numbers that the latest draft has been doing online.

Both. It’s probably both.

Messaging Marinette ends up being just as hard after his attempts at centering as it was before—because as it turns out, the whole music-giving-him-unbridled-confidence thing really only works while he’s playing it. So now he’s left still staring at the blank NEW MESSAGE screen, the cursor blinking almost tauntingly at him because of course it is. Because somehow, he can write a note telling a girl her eyes are pretty and survive long enough to see her smile about it, but he can’t send that same girl a text. It’s not like he can even see her reaction this time, anyway; that just gives him even more of an advantage.

Okay. Okay. He can actually do this. Maybe. He thinks—no, no, he has to.

With a deep breath that he holds longer than he releases, Luka opens a new message.

To: Marinette hey. it’s luka.

And like an idiot, he hits SEND before he’s even put the rest of his message together. So now he has to make a mad dash to come up with something so he doesn’t seem like a total creep for messaging her out of the blue.

For fuck’s sake. This is exactly why he writes his messages in the notes first.

To: Marinette sorry, hit send before i could finish. anyway, just wanted to tell you the band is cool with the postcard idea. i can pay you next time i come to the bakery, if that’s cool.

To: Marinette anyway, it’s really cool of you to offer your help like this. sorry if i didn’t say so yesterday, it’s kind of been... a wild time.

Luka locks his phone before he can agonize too much over what he’s sent, stuffs it away and starts pacing again. It’s not a frantic, shaky thing; no, he’s learned to keep the shakes on the inside until no one’s around to see them. He jumps when his back pocket vibrates, and he nearly drops his phone trying to fish it out. It’s only Bubbles, and he can’t tell whether he’s relieved or disappointed until his phone buzzes again. Twice. And this time, it actually is from Marinette.

From: itsdjbubbles Sorry, I was getting some stuff ready for my next project. Listen, I’m just saying. Don’t sell yourself short as this stuff. Paris is gonna hear you up there, and it’s gonna lose its collective fucking mind.

From: Marinette hi luka ☺️ no worries, i do that too sometimes. here’s the mockup for the postcard. let me know what your band thinks, i’ll do some tweaks and send it to print. sound good?

Luka balks, both at the tone of the message and at the picture she sent. It looks almost exactly like the flyer, same color scheme and everything. The only difference seems to be in the composition, which makes sense; she’s got more of the eye for this stuff, even for someone who only “dabbles.”

To: Marinette wow, this is... thank you? that was fast. and this is really well put-together. i think they’re gonna love it.

you really weren’t kidding, huh.

Luka finds himself sinking onto his bed and staring at the message thread instead of actually doing something productive. And strangely, he’s fine with that. The more time passes, the less scary it is to see her typing back, again and again and again.

From: Marinette course i wasn’t kidding. “help” is practically my middle name to the people who matter.

and i mean, there’s only a little bit of time until your show, right? so, gotta get movin.

anyway, i gotta run. my friend needs help for his summer class and i promised i’d go visit today.

Keep me posted about your band!

♥️

There is far too much in that message for Luka to need to process. “People who matter?” “Keep me posted?” The literal heart emoji at the end? He reads their messages over and over, mostly to confirm that this really, actually just happened, but he’s not going to push his luck. Maybe she just talks to everyone like that, and more importantly, the two of them haven’t been much more than a series of transactions anyway.

A... lot of transactions.

That she’s been doing a lot of giving for.

Luka tries and at least sort of succeeds at shaking the thought from his mind; he can’t read hers, and he shouldn’t try to. He sends her one last text—cool, have a good one—and switches back to Bubbles before he can worry if his words were too casual.

To: itsdjbubbles Thanks for the vote of confidence. I guess you’re not the only one? the bakery I go to, they’re offering to help too.

or, I mean, CBG is offering to help.

Bubbles’s reply doesn’t come until a few hours later. It’s presumably after that project work he mentioned, and definitely after Luka’s had some time to play out the rest of the shakes before he goes busking. His phone buzzes with the notification just as he’s about to leave, and what Bubbles has to say makes his stomach churn and his blood run both hot and cold.

From: itsdjbubbles wait. wait wait wait. hold on i just scrolled your posts.

CBG is *Marinette Dupain-Cheng?*

ohhhhhhh my dude you are in for it now.

#miraculous ladybug #lukanette #endgame lukanette #luka couffaine #marinette dupain cheng #fic: chronicles of a parisian dumbass #and we're back to luka being a total mess. #how are you? i hope you're well 💙💖🎶

[blossom-hwa]

3racha cafe au ps? bc the one w the dancers was so funny

KASJDHG I’M GLAD YOU FOUND MY MEDIOCRE ATTEMPTS AT HUMOR FUNNY ANON <3 <3 ANYWAY I LIVE FOR 3RACHA BEING IDIOTS SO THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS IN, I HOPE YOU LAUGH AT IT!!!!

3-year anniversary drabble game: send me an NCT/WAYV/Stray Kids/The Boyz member + a prompt (check out the post for ideas) and  I’ll write a drabble for you!

I’M SO SORRY I HIT POST ON ACCIDENT WHEN I WASN’T DONE SO I HAD TO PRIVATE THIS SO I COULD FINISH IT HHHHHH

~

Title: Cafe Shenanigans

Pairing: no pairings, just 3racha being dumb

Triggers: a lot of cursing, suicidal jokes (purely jokes, if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, please do not read this - it’s along the lines of like ‘pls kill me now’ but yeah)

~

quick clarification:

better than tony: chan

chingban: changbin

gremlin: jisung 

~

better than tony: changbin what have I told you about swearing in front of customers

chingban: not to do it

better than tony: then why did I hear you say shit when you knocked your head against the counter

gremlin: HOW DID CHANGBIN KNOCK HIS HEAD AGAINST THE OUCNTER EVEN HE’S NOT /THAT/ SHORT

chingban: I don’t exist for anything but pain

chingban: when will I stop being clowned for no reason

chingban: also I stooped down to get more syrup okay I wasn’t standing when I fucking hit my head

better than tony: you will stop being clowned when you learn the meaning of professionalism

gremlin: didn’t you lock yourself in the bathroom one time to send cat memes to minho

better than tony: THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT

chingban: pls let it go chan the guy just laughed okay

chingban: no harm done

chingban: well my dignity is in pieces

gremlin: can’t break something that never existed

chingban: watch me pour hot coffee down your throat while you scream in pain tiny sucker

gremlin: who’s calling me tiny

better than tony: kids please

chingban: ONE FUCKING CENTIMETER

better than tony: I'm the manager and they still won’t listen to me

better than tony: I'm giving up on life

gremlin: we’re right here you know

better than tony: did I say something wrong?

chingban: ooooo breaking out the punctuation

chingban: he’s serious today

better than tony: I'm always serious

gremlin: your cat memes say otherwise

better than tony: WILL YOU LET THAT GO

~

gremlin: if another bitch asks for a complicated-ass order, fucking soy latte with no foam or whatever the fuck

gremlin: I'm going to slit my throat in front of the cameras

gremlin: and my ghost will haunt this fucking cafe for the rest of time

chingban: aren’t there better things to do after you’re dead

chingban: like

better than tony: rejoice in the fact that you are no longer alive?

chingban: ^^

gremlin: no I just want to make sure I'm a pain in your asses even beyond the grave

chingban: a little bitch even in death, I see

gremlin: you got me !

better than tony: why do you have an extra space between your last word and the exclamation mark

gremlin: extra chaos

better than tony: as if your existence wasn’t chaotic enough already

chingban: just a suggestion

chingban: if you want to haunt us beyond the grave

chingban: team up with that little dude ji changmin across the mall at build a bear

gremlin: omg yes thank you for this lovely piece of advice

better than tony: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

better than tony: N O

better than tony: CHANGBIN WHY WOULD YOU GIVE HIM IDEAS

chingban: I need entertainment

chingban: and you getting scared shitless is entertainment

chingban: additionally if I'm the one providing the advice by the transitive property I'm not the one who gets pranked

gremlin: <3

better than tony: I should honestly fire both of you

better than tony: all you do is text at work

better than tony: swear in front of customers

better than tony: and leAVE HAIRPINS IN THE FUCKING SINK

gremlin: I APOLOGIZED FOR THAT

chingban: felix says minho threatens to fire him and hyunjin at least once every shift

better than tony: I should do the same

gremlin: nah you’re too soft for that

chingban: ^^

better than tony: I want to argue but I can’t and I hate it

gremlin: <3

chingban: <3

better than tony: maybe I'll be the one who slits his throat in front of the cameras

gremlin: no you won’t you’re too soft to haunt us beyond the grave

better than tony: you’re right I won’t haunt you

better than tony: I'll just enjoy being dead and not fucking alive and having to deal with you

chingban: ngl that sounds like a pretty sweet deal

gremlin: but haunting

chingban: no

gremlin: :(

better than tony: changbin look you’ve made him sad

chingban: I-

chingban: YOU STARTED IT

better than tony: <3

chingban: breaking news chan has the capacity for evil and I don’t like it

~

gremlin: in my defense I was left alone

better than tony: that doesn’t explAIN THE FUCKING FIRE IN THE R E F R I G E R A TO R

better than tony: HOW DO YOU EVEN SET FIRE TO A FUCKING REFRIGERATOR

chingban: I honestly wonder why chan hasn’t fired us yet

chingban: mostly jisung but also me

better than tony: A R E F R I G E R A T O R

gremlin: chan

gremlin: listen

gremlin: was this worse than ‘wow’

better than tony: .... 

chingban: nothing could be worse than wow

chingban: his gc name is proof

better than tony: FUCK

gremlin: okay cool thank you for agreeing 

gremlin: now

gremlin is typing...

chingban: the fuck are you typing 

chingban: a whole ass essay??

gremlin: if setting a fire in a refrigerator is still a less horrible mess than wow was, that means that chan can no longer yell at me for setting a fire in a refrigerator because he was one of the main contributors to the mess that wow was, meaning because he contributed to a bigger mess than the refrigerator fire, he is unable to yell at me because to do so would be hypocrisy because he committed a worse crime than I did

chingban: did that... did that really just fucking make sense

chingban: quick chan use your lawyering skills to find some loophole in this there’s no way jisung can be making sense

gremlin: okay fuck you

better than tony: your argument is invalid because you also contributed to wow

chingban: ROASTED

gremlin: fuck I really thought I had chan beat there for a moment

chingban: fat chance 

better than tony: OKAY AS PUNISHMENT

better than tony: NO MORE TEXTING GET BACK TO WORK

gremlin: yes papi

better than tony: oh my god I hate it here

~

gremlin: question

gremlin: if cookie monster entered the cafe and pointed a gun at me and told me to give him all of the cookies in the display case and the oven

gremlin: what should I do

better than tony: I 

better than tony: I don’t even know how to respond to this

chingban: give him the cookies wtf

chingban: where’s your sense of self-preservation

gremlin: flew away the first time I jumped out of a two-story window to avoid becoming ‘it’ in a game of tag in third grade

better than tony: that

better than tony: that explains so much

chingban: I feel like I should be surprised but I'm really not

chingban: that’s the most jisung thing I've ever heard of

gremlin: <3

gremlin: but back to my question

gremlin: what should I do

chingban: I literally said to give him the fucking cookies

better than tony: I agree with changbin

gremlin: but what if he gets greedy and asks for the cheesecake too

gremlin: and it’s my day to take home the leftover cake

better than tony: would you die for cheesecake???????????

gremlin: without a moment’s hesitation

chingban: the amount of brain cells I lost throughout this conversation

chingban: unfathomable

better than tony: I'm quitting my job

gremlin: no pls don’t who else will changbin and I bother during breaks

chingban: you say that kind of bullshit about cookie monster and cheesecake and then you go and say ‘changbin and I’ instead of ‘me and changbin’ like normal people?????????

gremlin: look you may have had a crusty ass English teacher but my English teacher was LIT and I'll have you know I would take a bullet for her

gremlin: the least I can do use proper grammar when it comes to common mistakes

gremlin: mistakes that plebs like you make

better than tony: this conversation has gone off the rails

chingban: a train wreck

gremlin: more like 15 train wrecks mashed into one

better than tony: just. pls get back to work

gremlin: not unless you promise not to fire yourself

better than tony: it’s?? not?? possible?? for?? me?? to?? fire?? myself??

chingban: he means quit

better than tony: oh

chingban: I speak fluent jisung

better than tony: pls shut up 

better than tony: fine I promise

better than tony: please get back to work

better than tony: preferably without burning any refrigerators

gremlin: no promises

better than tony: I'll take what I can get

#inkidz #starryktown #stray kids #skz #stray kids scenarios #skz scenarios #stray kids oneshots #stray kids imagines #stray kids fake texts #stray kids incorrect #stray kids chan #stray kids changbin #stray kids jisung #stray kids han #stray kids chan scenarios #stray kids jisung scenarios #stray kids changbin scenarios #chan #changbin #han #han jisung #fluff #drabble #texting!au #university!au #cafe shenanigans #3 year anniversary drabble game #lina answers #scriptura-delirus

[prince-of-places]

I posted 22,429 times in 2021

119 posts created (1%)

22310 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 187.5 posts.

I added 131 tags in 2021

#0 - 32 posts

#falcon spoilers - 42 posts

#30daysofautismacceptance - 31 posts

#falcon spoilere - 5 posts

#r*pe mention - 4 posts

#asks - 4 posts

#💚 - 4 posts

#autism - 3 posts

#actually autistic - 3 posts

#autistic - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#you've had to fight a lot of fights that should have never been up to you but you take it in stride because you know that it'll make it hard

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

30 Days of Autism Acceptance 2021

April 2nd: Post your redinstead photos today. Alternatively, you could talk about what autistic pride/autism acceptance month means to you.

(I’m going to post the redinstead picture later but for now I’m going to talk about the second prompt.) 

Previously, for me, it was Autism Awareness Day, as opposed to Autism Acceptance Month because that was the only kind of thing, I was aware of back then. It’s only in the last year or so that I’ve come to take pride in my identity as Autistic, or recognised it as something to be proud of myself for. For me, Autism Acceptance means accepting all parts of my diagnosis, and who I am as an Autistic person. It means being ok with stimming, with meltdowns, and accepting that I’m trying my best every single day. This means taking breaks, and learning to love and appreciate myself in ways that I didn’t before. 

11 notes • Posted 2021-04-02 15:35:19 GMT

#4

17 notes • Posted 2021-08-02 12:21:33 GMT

#3

Hyperfixations are like stones skipping on a lake: the level of knowledge is shallow and constantly moving before eventually petering out

Special interests are: dropping a stone a stone in the lake. The knowledge level is high and just keeps going straight down, making it harder to talk about other things the further the rock goes down

20 notes • Posted 2021-03-05 02:39:49 GMT

#2

Thanks for tagging me @so1987 and @borderline-and-languages !! It's so pretty!! 🥰

I don't have the link for the picrew right here but I tag @presto-heres-kirby , @thepondstogether , @thetwiceexceptional , @everylittlethingshedoesispainful and @yilingmaozu. Anyone else can do it if they want and there's no pressure to do it if you don't want to.

23 notes • Posted 2021-03-22 22:58:12 GMT

#1

30 Days of Autism Acceptance 2021

April 1st: Introduce yourself. Talk about who you are as a person. Your age, hobbies, special interests, family, etc. Anything you feel comfortable sharing.

Hi, my name is Ryan/Nicole (It’s a whole process)! I am 19yo, I am non-binary. I am from Ireland and have lived here all my life. I’ve only ever travelled to European countries. All of my SPINs (Special Interests) are listed in my bio, but in case you’re not bothered to check they are:  The Beatles and Classic Rock, King Arthur and Medieval Times, Batman and Comic Books, Undertale and Video Games (especially RPGs), Liverpool and Football (soccer, if you will. Only got into it because of my dad so I could have something to talk about), Encyclopedias and Learning. Hyperfixations are: Fallout, Skyrim, Video Essays (so, so many video essays), Doctor Who, Star Trek (especially TNG), Harry Potter (not anymore), various classic rock bands, Marvel (I'm not a fanboy), DC (I'm slightly protective of Batman, especially the Arkham Games but that's it), PS4, PC, computer specs are a new one, Pokémon, BoJack Horseman, Friends, ATLA, Philosophy, Autism and other ND types(?), guitar playing, Bo Burnham, and I'll leave it at that for now. I have a mam, dad, and two brothers in my family. I was diagnosed with autism (then Asperger’s Syndrome) when I was 11, along with GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder). 

I don’t really know who I am as a person. My main personality trait is being considered intelligent by basically everyone I’ve met and known for longer than like a week, so it’s kind of stuck with me as an indicator for who I am. I’ve also been called kind, sweet, and considerate many times, as well as respectful. I don’t know if I’d call myself that though. 

Shoutout to @autie-j and @lesmiserabby for providing the prompts for this year's Autism Acceptance Month!

59 notes • Posted 2021-04-01 11:00:38 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[yuta-nakamots]

Candle Light - l.hc ; Part 2 of 2 (End)

Pairing - College!Haechan x Ghost!Reader

Genre - Fluff but mostly angst at the end

Warnings - Character death, supernatural activity (you are literally a ghost)

Summary - As the resident ghost that haunts your old apartment, you take pride in scaring away those who dare move in, not wanting them to ruin your memories. Though your mission changes after a group of boys arrive. These are the four boys you allow into your space and your heart. One of them is the candle that supports you, and you are the fire that burns atop it, his beacon of light.

Word Count - 6.2k

A/N - as always, credit goes to @soleilhyuck​ for coming up with the idea for this fic. thank you for patiently waiting and giving lots of love to this series and please look forward to frat boy!yuta next month as well <3

Tag List - @sunflowerhae @eunsangelical @soleilhyuck @neoyoungho @carefreebubble @sly-merlin @jisungismymom @jimelonji @lyraaacle @peachy-yabbay @yomanitsgonnabehee​

January 2020

News about the new virus was quickly spreading, as was the disease itself, unironically. You sat next to Renjun as he watched the news on TV and played a game on his phone while Jeno was lying on the floor in front of the coffee table as he typed out an essay on his laptop.

You watched as the newscaster stood in front of a graph showing the number of cases spiking up as he said “all local colleges will be migrating to an online schooling system for the second half of this year” to which Jeno let out a loud groan at.

“How the fuck am I supposed to do all my labs then?” he muttered under his breath, angrily hitting the carpeted floor. You laughed at his childish action, Jeno’s head whipping around as he looked in your general direction with his pupils shaking as he tried to find a face to match the voice he had just heard.

“Hey y/n, I think Jeno can hear you,” Renjun said nonchalantly as he continued watching the news station on TV, “okay, Jeno wait I think you should pay attention to the screen.”

He informed the other boy just in time as the anchor said “certain schools have disclosed that some students may still be required to return to campus for activities such as labs or other assessment events.”

Jeno rolled onto his back, letting out another groan that was almost actually a growl. “I don’t know which is worse. Having to go to school during a pandemic, or having to learn from my computer 24/7.”

February 2020

As more plans for the second semester were announced, Jeno did end up having to still visit the campus for his labs so he was occasionally out along with Jaemin who was volunteering at a hospital nearby, the same one your body was taken to after the incident, not that you’d ever tell them that though.

Jaemin had convinced Renjun to come along saying “we need extra help and it’s not like you’re doing anything anyways now that class is online” as he quite literally dragged Renjun out the front door.

This left you with Haechan, who was only able to see you in certain instances because he was still not totally sure if you really existed or not. He still used the scented candles in his room, much to your distaste, since you found yourself having to put out the flame nearly every night due to his forgetfulness.

He’d spend almost every waking moment on his computer playing Overwatch and whatever other games he was into, only stopping when we had to attend his mandatory online lectures. Even then, he’d still have the game up on his screen, barely even caring about the lecture.

Eventually, this irritated you enough, having been quite a good student yourself, to the point where you just lost it when you saw him pull up his school account and you peered over his shoulder and realizing how bad his grades really were.

“You shouldn’t do that, you know.” You spoke to him, hovering behind him as you read through the contents of his student profile.

Haechan froze for a second, surprised by your voice though he didn’t make an effort to turn around. “Well, you shouldn’t just scare people like that.” He retorted at you.

“Then don’t take your college life for granted,” you remark, not missing the high amount of absences he had even though all his courses were online, “I would’ve loved to have completed mine, but that just didn’t seem to be in my life plan now, was it?” You asked rhetorically, your voice laced with sarcasm to match his.

“What are you gonna do about it, huh?” He spat out at you. “You can’t force me to study.”

You rolled your eyes at him even if he couldn’t see you as you scoffed, “yes I can.” Quite literally, you moved through his desk and unplugged his computer from its power socket. A satisfactory grin fell upon your face as you heard his monitor die out and you look at him. His mouth was slightly agape as he finally saw you up close, your previously translucent figure becoming clearer and clearer to him with every second that passed.

From then on, Haechan consciously made an effort to cut back on his gaming and dedicate more time to his schoolwork, as he hated not knowing when you’d decide to pop into his room again and he didn’t want to risk more damage to his precious computer.

Sometimes he’d spend so much time studying that he’d even fall asleep at his desk, to which you could only sigh at as you fanned out the flames of his stupid scented candles that he continued to use before grabbing his blanket from his bed and placing it atop his shoulders.

March 2020

You found that you actually quite enjoyed spending time with Haechan as he was more entertaining and witty than Renjun. Though on a particularly slow afternoon, you watched Haechan as he went about making a sandwich in the kitchen, making yourself known to him by a light tug on his shirt before he asked “so why exactly do you haunt this apartment?”

You were leaning against the kitchen island behind him, not even having bothered to materialize in your semi-human form since you let him pick and choose when he wanted to see you or not. “If I’m being honest, I really don’t know. All I’m sure about is that this unit is my unit. It always has been and it always will be.”

“Well, what are your ties to this place? What does it mean to you?” He pressed on as he grabbed a slice of bologna from the refrigerator.

After pausing for a second as you recall your past, you told him “this is where I grew up, my parents moved here when I started elementary school and I’ve lived here for almost twenty years until I died and ever since then, I’ve just been here.”

“I’m sorry,” he interjected, looking at you and making eye contact to let you know he was being sincere, “I really am. You had so much to live for, your whole life ahead of you.” He shook his head in pity as he unwrapped a piece of cheese.

“Things don’t always go according to your plan, as you can see,” you stated before continuing on with your story, “anyways, my family moved out shortly after my incident because my sister would always cry whenever she had to pass the spot I was last alive at and eventually my parents couldn’t take it anymore so they just up and left.”

Haechan was unscrewing the lid of the jar of mayonnaise when he asked “why didn’t you stop them? Or did you try but they just weren’t able to see you?”

“They couldn’t see or hear me. I tried calling out to them, telling them I was still here, I was still alive, but nothing worked...and so they left me behind.” Your voice trailing off at the end as you felt a familiar pain in your chest at the memory of your family.

Haechan hummed in acknowledgment, spreading pieces of lettuce over the top of his sandwich, going silent before speaking again. “I think you need closure. Do you know where your family went to? I’m pretty sure we could--”

“No, I’d rather not talk to them.” You interrupted, not wanting to witness your family in pain again after having to watch them mourn your death in this very apartment. To them, you were a thing of the past and you wished to stay that way.

“You can’t just be cursed to wander around this unit for the rest of your life, or lack thereof. That’s a bit…” he paused as he wracked his brain for a word, turning up blank, “sad, for lack of a better word.”

You watched as he placed a slice of bread on top and pressed it down before biting into his creation. “It’s not like it was my choice in the first place, you know,” you strongly articulated, “if you really wanted to help me then you’d leave this place and let me wander in peace now that you know my story.”

“We both know damn well that you’re not gonna be happy if we leave you on your own.” And the most surprising part of his statement was that he was right.

April 2020

After your previous conversation with Haechan, the two of you started avoiding each other and you ended up spending more time with Jeno when he eventually came around to being able to see you. He was more of an easygoing presence and he didn’t mind it when you stayed in his room, he just asked that you “don’t mess with my stuff like when you stacked all my books up and turned my clothes inside out” the memory of it still makes you laugh to yourself.

You felt bad for Jeno, seeing him come home already exhausted from his labs and lectures, letting out a loud sigh whenever he entered through the front door as he was finally able to take off his face mask and allow himself to take a deep breath of air.

You’d often find him dozing off at his desk, his face resting either on his arm or on whatever page he had been going over. Sometimes, if you knew the assignment was important or if the deadline was near, you’d try to keep him awake by doing this like clicking his book or dropping a book on the floor. But if he was really knocked out, all you could do was just plug in his electronics to let them charge before bookmarking his page and clearing his desk for him.

On the night of his 20th birthday, the boys decided to have their own mini-party, which you excused yourself from. You didn’t want to get in the way of their celebration since you didn’t know for sure where you stood with Haechan and that’s on top of the fact that Jaemin still didn’t believe in your existence.

You stayed in Jeno’s room, softly plucking at the strings of his guitar which he had kindly left out for you. He had previously voiced his worries about you getting bored from always staying in the unit, which you found quite cute of him.

He came back to his room around midnight and you watched as he drunkenly made his way to the bathroom, stumbling in and nearly tripping over his own feet. You heard him throwing up into the toilet but you stayed put, knowing that you wouldn’t be of much help anyway. You recognized the sound of Haechan’s voice as he entered from his own side and tried to clean Jeno up.

Moments later, Haechan came into the room carrying a near unconscious Jeno to the bed you were currently sitting on. All Haechan had to do was merely glance at you before you were already materializing in human form to put Jeno’s guitar back on its stand and help Haechan get the birthday boy into bed.

Once Jeno was tucked in and snoring, you looked up at Haechan and he nodded his head in the direction of his room, inviting you to come over with him, which you did without much hesitation. You sat on the edge of his bed as he started up his computer as he asked you “don’t you ever get tired of just staying in the apartment all the time?”

You watched as he typed in his login information as you responded, “kind of, I guess. It’s all I know so it’s not like I really have anywhere else to go.”

“Have you ever tried leaving the building, or this unit at all?” He inquired while pulling up a page on google.

You thought for a moment before answering him. “No, I’ve never really wanted to leave because I’m comfortable here.”

Haechan simply nodded and stated “fair enough” as he switched tabs before turning to you. “I found this article the other day and I think this is relevant to you.” He informed, beckoning you over to him. You moved closer and read it from over his shoulder.

Certain spirits roam the earth as ghosts due to their souls holding onto the regret they had while they were still living. It is common for these types of ghosts to stay in a place that they have special emotional ties to. They often try to scare away people who enter their sacred place as they are trying to preserve it as it is in their memory, resisting change. There have been successful cases of exorcism for these types of ghosts, though oftentimes, it serves to only anger them further, which is why exorcism is not recommended. Edit: It has been found that the spirits often pass on to the true afterlife once they let go of the regrets they are holding and free themselves from the baggage that is tying them to their sacred place.

“Haechan, I already told you, I’m not leaving.”

“But think about it, you can’t just continue existing with one foot in the afterlife, one foot in the during-life,” causing you to laugh at his wording, “aren’t there other dead people you’d like to meet? You know, like Michael Jackson or something?”

“Of course, but how would you know if there really is an afterlife where I could meet them?”

“I don’t, but aren’t you getting tired of just watching people come and go? Aren’t you curious about the existence of an afterlife? You’ve been here for what, two years?”

“Three years.” You corrected, though he was correct about your boredom and curiosity even if it really was just in the slightest form.

You weren’t looking forward to when the boys moved out as it meant you’d be left on your own again. You had grown used to the four of them since you had at least one of them home at nearly all times. You didn’t want them to leave and you had even though about asking them to stay, but you knew it would be unfair to them as they had previously talked about their future educational plans.

Renjun already was in the process of transferring to a school or arts to further hone his skills as he was nearing the completion of his traditional core credits. Jeno wanted to study abroad and experience different cultures while Jaemin simply would follow along, having promised both of their parents that he would look out for Jeno and make sure he didn’t overwork himself though oftentimes it was the other way around.

As finals came around again, you witnessed the boys and their ways of dealing with the stress of their exams. Renjun simply painted aggressively while Jeno started stretching and working out more often and Jaemin, who still wasn’t able to hear or see you, resorted to cooking. You couldn’t believe Haechan broke out those godforsaken candles yet again, even after you had voiced your hatred for them, having to put out their flames and clean up the dripping wax as to not cause a fire hazard.

One day, Jaemin was finally able to see a faint outline of your silhouette when you managed to catch the knife he had accidentally pushed off the counter while preparing dinner for the guys. He really didn’t believe them when they spoke of your existence, he simply thought it was some kind of odd prank they were all in on, but when he saw his knife floating mere centimeters above his foot, he realized they weren’t lying at all.

Ever since then, you’ve enjoyed hanging around with all four of the boys. They each introduced you to their hobbies and did their best at including you in as many activities as possible. Renjun was overjoyed when he saw you lift a brush from his case and when you asked if you could join him. He was painting a simple sunset and was more than happy to have your company. Renju let you paint any way you wished, only helping here and there to blend in your strokes and fix some of the color gradients.

After it dried, you stood back as he hung the canvas up in the living room with a broad smile on his face. He turned around and you watched as his expression morphed into one of confusion when he didn’t see you behind him and he called out your name. You felt a sense of anxiety creep up on you, reminiscent of the feeling of when your own family were not about to see you.

You knew Renjun had it easiest when it came to seeing and hearing you so why was he having a hard time now? “Oh, there you are.” He said, when you came into his view again, seemingly lightheartedly but it was hard for both of you to feel at ease after what just occurred.

It happened again when you were with Jeno as he was teaching you how to play a few chords on his guitar, something you had always wanted to do in your active lifetime. The two of you had been going at it for about an hour now and things were going pretty smoothly aside from Jeno having to help press the strings down when your own fingers weren’t enough.

You were able to learn a few simple chords separately but right before you were able to string them all together, the guitar suddenly fell through your hold into Jeno’s hands that were helping you apply pressure to the strings. He let out a noise of surprise as he too could no longer see your form.

He blinked rapidly, thinking it was his own eyes playing tricks on him until you saw him relax as both of you witnessed your own body flicker back into existence. This time, there was definitely no denying what just happened.

Later that night you went to Haechan and told him both accounts of what was going on and you broke down in tears, telling him how you didn’t want to leave them just yet. He rubbed your back as you clung on to his shirt, your tears would’ve been soaking it if you weren’t a ghost.

As much as you wanted to stay in his embrace, he told you that he had to study for an upcoming final so you instead settled for lying on his bed and staring up at the ceiling as you let your mind wander through all the what-ifs going through your head.

You’re not sure how much time passed before Haechan finally climbed into his bed, throwing an arm over your waist. No sooner than before he lifted his head to speak to you, his arm dropped through your body and fell onto his bed. The shock was evident on his face as he watched you fade out from his view.

Haechan frantically reached out, trying to grasp onto something, anything to tell him that you were still there as he called out your name. You did the same to him, but your cries fell on deaf ears until one of your hands managed to grab ahold of his and he found your eyes, the fear in his mirroring your own.

You laid with Haechan as he slept that night, scared that you’d cease to exist if he weren’t by your side to validate your presence every so often.

May 2, 2020

One night, as all of you were in the living room watching a show on Netflix, as per Renjun’s recommendation, you mentioned these repeated occurrences to them causing a thick silence to fall over everyone as they processed what this possibly meant for you.

Again, you sought out Haechan’s comfort that night and stayed by his side as he slept because being with him made you feel the slightest bit more real, even when his arm dropped from your waist again.

Now that finals week was over, the boys were home more often, though Jaemin still continued to work and volunteer at the hospital with Renjun, leaving you with Jeno and Haechan. Not much changed as you still continued to stick to Haechan like glue.

May 14, 2020

About two weeks after you had first brought up the topic of your frequency disappearances, you were lying next to Haechan in his bed as you both watched videos on his phone. He abruptly turned it off and turned to face you. “Have you ever been in a relationship before?”

You shook your head, “no, I was always too bust for one.”

“Did you want to be in one? Do you want to be in one?” You froze as you looked at him, not sure if he meant what you’re thinking he means. “On a scale from one to ten, how mad would you be right now if I told you I might have feelings for you?”

You thought for a moment before responding. “Depends on if you’re being serious or not.”

“I’m dead serious. Okay, maybe not dead, but you know what I mean.” He said, poking fun at his word choice.

“Do you really like me?” You asked, unsure if you were thinking clearly.

“Yes,” he paused, “but only if you like me back.”

“Is this just a spur of the moment thing or have you actually had feelings for me before this?” You could feel your cheeks heating up and you were suddenly grateful that he couldn’t see you as if you were a normal human.

“For a while now.” He stated, shrugging his shoulders as if it were nothing.

Your eyes grew wide in shock. “I...Haechan, as much as I’m flattered, we both know it’s not going to work out,” your voice getting caught in your throat, “you’re human, you’re still alive. There’s someone out there for you--”

“Okay and?”

“There’s someone who you can hold, someone you can kiss and make love to, someone you can have a family with--”

“And what if that someone is you?” He interrupted again. “What if you’re the someone I want to hold, to kiss, to spend time with?”

“Haechan...I don’t know…” Your voice coming out as more of a whisper.

His eyes searched yours as he spoke. “Just let me kiss you...please.”

You let out a small “okay” as your eyes fluttered shut and you felt his lips meet yours. He showed you the warmth you didn’t know you could even feel as you allowed yourself to melt into his kiss. Had it not been for your body disintegrating again and causing Haechan to fall forward, you probably would’ve stayed kissing him until he was begging for air.

“I guess that’s the universe telling me to give you a break for a bit.” He chuckled while he grabbed his phone and unpaused the video he was playing earlier as he waited for you to appear again. You didn’t have to look at him to know there was a smile plastered on his face as you wrapped your arms around him and nuzzled your face into his chest the very second you could.

If you were considered to be clingy with Haechan, now you were practically inseparable.

May 17, 2020

It was a rare occurrence for all four of them to be home together during the day so Jaemin took it as an opportunity to gather everyone for lunch. He didn’t even knock as he opened the door to Haechan’s room, sticking his head in to say “lunch is ready. I made kimchi stew. Oh, hey y/n, haven’t seen you in a while.”

You whined in embarrassment due to the fact that you were currently seated in Haechan’s lap as he practically held you like a baby, cooing at you and littering kisses across your face.

Once Jaemin was gone, Haechan pressed a kiss to your forehead. “You’re cute when you’re embarrassed. You know that?” He said, ruffling your hair out of affection.

May 19, 2020

You watch with great interest as Haechan lugs a box into his bedroom and cuts it open, revealing an electronic keyboard. He had told you previously that he wanted to get back into playing piano, having played it when he was younger. You didn’t think he was actually serious enough about it to buy a whole keyboard which, from the looks of it, seemed pretty expensive.

You sat in his gaming chair as you watched him assemble the stand, handing him scissors when he asked and holding things in place when his own two hands weren’t enough. You didn’t trust yourself to do much else in case you randomly disappeared again. Your lips curved upwards as he plugged the keyboard into the socket on the wall and played a few chords, his own smile matching yours.

May 20, 2020

Sighing, you floating your way into Haechan’s room as you notice his sleeping figure hunched over his desk, a little string of drool landing on the lined paper he was writing on. Given that school was already over, you figured it was song lyrics that he was writing.

Haechan, along with getting back into playing piano, had also picked up song composition and lyric writing as well though he refused to show you any of the lyrics he wrote and claimed he’d be embarrassed if you saw them to which you rolled your eyes at. Haechan? Embarrassed? Now that was a rarity given that he was one of the most confident people you’ve ever met, not even bothering to cover himself up the few times you accidentally came in while he was changing his clothes.

But as confident as he was, he had yet to channel that into his lyric writing as he kept falling asleep after hours of trying to get them perfect. You fan out the candle he had been using and run your finger across his lip, gathering his drool, in order to prevent his from further wetting his paper.

You tried to slowly pull the paper out from under his head, doing your best to not wake him up, though your efforts were in vain as his eyes shot open the second you tugged a little too hard. It took Haechan only a second or two to figure out what you were doing before he snatched the paper from you while whining “I told you not to read them” as he puts it in a folder filled with other papers which you assume are also lyrics.

“I was only moving it so you wouldn’t drool on it like a baby.” You scoffed at him.

Haechan imitated your scoff back at you, “don’t lie,” he quipped, “I know you were going to read it as soon as you got your hands on it.”

“You know, you better quit it or else you’re sleeping alone tonight.” You threatened, knowing that your boyfriend of sorts has gotten used to your presence in his bed while he slept.

“No!” He exclaimed, his eyes growing wide in panic before he dove for his bed and gave you puppy eyes, begging you not to leave him.

May 25, 2020

At this point, your disappearances had become more frequent and lasted for longer durations, leaving the boys constantly guessing as to where you were. You could barely muster up the force to show yourself in your human form and physically move objects so you were glad when you realized they could all see you in your regular blue-tinted ghost state.

You considered yourself lucky when they told you they could still feel the gusts of wind you created while moving around, even when you became invisible. It may look stupid to you when you were rapidly moving your arms back in forth to let them know where you are, but it’s not like you cared when you knew they couldn’t see you anyways.

On this day, you were watching a show on TV with Renjun, though he could only vaguely sense your presence. When you heard the sink in the kitchen turn on, you left your seat and floated through the wall to see if it was Jaemin cooking again. Much to your surprise, it was Haechan who was actually doing the dishes for once.

You moved around behind him, alerting him of your presence. “Hey babe, came to do the dishes with me?” You rolled your eyes and rapidly fanned his neck, something you knew he hated because he was ticklish in that area. “Okay, okay, I get it.” He giggled while scrunching his neck.

“Is y/n with you in the kitchen?” Renjun called out from the living room. Haechan shouted back a short ‘yes’ to which you heard Renjun respond back with a slight laugh in his voice, “I thought she was still with me so I was talking about the show but I guess I was just talking to myself this whole time.”

May 29, 2020

No matter how much energy you concentrated, you just couldn’t seem to show yourself in your human form at all. You weren’t completely invisible to the boys yet, just fading in and out of your normal ghost forme every so often, though if you really tried hard  enough, you could force yourself to become visible again, even if it were only for a few seconds. You saved your energy for more important moments like when Haechan shot up from his place next to you in bed, sweating from the nightmare he was having.

For the past half hour or so, you watched him as he writhed in his sleep and you felt your heart wrench knowing there was nothing you could do to rouse him from his sleep, unable to do your normal actions of slamming windows or dropping books so you felt a sense of relief when he jolted awake and looked over to where he knew you’d be, his eyes searching for the outline of your body to give him some comfort.

You forced yourself to show up, glowing faintly in the darkened room as Haechan was able to catch your silhouette before it disappeared again. His eyes bore straight into yours, even if you knew that to him, he was simply staring at a wall so you didn’t move, not wanting to leave his gaze as he spoke to you.

“Y/n, I hope you know that every moment I spend with you is precious to you. Whether I can see you or not, I know when you’re with me.” He confessed, his eyes starting to tear up. “I can only hope that I am making your last moments precious for you as well.”

You hoped so desperately to have enough strength to show yourself again to let him know that you heard him and felt the same way, but you were unable to. Your own wet eyes mirrored his as you reached out a hand to cup his face, a tear slipping out of your eyes as you watch your hand merely fall through his cheek.

June 2, 2020

You’ve come to terms with the fact that your time on earth is running out when you can only seem to manage to materialize once or twice a day, lasting for only about a second each time. You were upset that you didn’t get to say a true goodbye to the other three boys, wanting to thank them for taking such good care of you. Maybe you just so hoped that this regret would keep you with them longer, if only for a few more days.

June 4, 2020

When Haechan returns to his room after eating breakfast with the rest of the guys, you watch as he sits down in front of his keyboard before turning around to face his bed, where he’s guessing you were as he spoke. “Y/n, I wrote this song for you. I don’t know how much longer I have left with you so I rushed the ending of it, but I wanted to show you now before it’s too late.”

With that, he turned back around and began playing a melody you had heard from him before though it was different this time around now that he was singing the lyrics he wrote for you.

Like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Moments with you are always special. I’m thankful for all the days we spend together, At times like this I get shy, but it means I love you. When I see you brightly smiling and dazzling, My wish of us being together forever seems like it’ll come true. I know the future isn’t clear and the past might be sad, But don’t worry anymore. Just keep adding days like this. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, I only have plans filled with you, I think it’s perfect. In my heart, my dreams were possible through you, I want to fulfill them all with you. I’m not alone, I’m with you, When I needed someone, you came to me. Even in the ordinary, I celebrate your preciousness, Please always stay by my side.

I want to give you gift-like days, you and me, me and you baby. Without leaving behind a single day, it’s only us. Like candlelight that never goes out, My wish of us being together forever seems like it’ll come true.

June 5, 2020

If you’re being completely honest with yourself, you’ve practically given up trying to make your whereabouts known to the boys, though they continued to speak to you as they estimated your location and if you were even present in the same room or not.

You wanted to tell Haechan how much you loved the song he wrote, but you were unable to. You wanted to do something for his birthday but you barely had enough strength to walk yourself from the balcony back into his room.

For the first time within the last four years of your existence, you felt tired. You had forgotten this feeling, what it was like to be tired and suddenly you remembered when all you wanted to do was lie down and sleep.

It was late already, the digital clock on Haechan’s desk reading 11:48pm as he stepped out from the bathroom, freshly showered. You eyed him, wanting to get up and kiss him all over, to give him the same love he gave to you, and you felt so helpless when you knew you wouldn’t be able to.

He lay down in his bed with his hair still slightly wet. “Can you believe it’s already been a whole year since we first moved in?” He turned his head, guessing at where your face was but returning his gaze to the ceiling to not make you feel bad before continuing on. “I never would’ve believed in ghosts if I hadn’t met you but now I’m always gonna think all ghosts are as sweet as you and that’s not good,” he said as he let out a laugh at the end, “I’m going to get myself killed if I try talking to a ghost that isn’t as kind and loving as you.”

Haechan went silent for a bit before continuing on. “But you would never let that happen right? You’ll be my angel watching down on me from above,” he paused as a sly smile appeared on his face, “or you’ll be my little demon waiting for me in hell.” He snicked to himself at his joke. “Ah, you’re probably trying to hit me right now. Don’t worry, I’ll do it myself.” And with that, he slapped his own cheek before telling you “I really love you and I hope you know that.”

June 6, 2020

As soon as the clock’s display changed to 12:00am, Haechan’s door burst open, revealing the other three boys with party hats atop their heads as they carried in a small cake with two candles on it, showing his new age of twenty. They began singing happy birthday and you even sang along with them, clapping your hands to the beat, even if they couldn’t hear you.

“Make a wish!” Renjun exclaimed once the song was over.

Haechan clasped his hands together as he closed his eyes for a few seconds. “Y/n, I know you’re still here. Before you go, please do this one last time for me.” He reopened his eyes and looked over at where he assumed you were and gestured towards the cake. You felt your heart swell with love as you took a final glance at him before using all your remaining energy to blow out the candle.

When the flame of the candle went out, so did your view of the world. Everything faded to black as your fire was extinguished, letting you rest in peace as Haechan’s candlelight.

A/N - as always, credit goes to @soleilhyuck​ for coming up with the idea for this fic. thank you for patiently waiting and giving lots of love to this series and please look forward to frat boy!yuta next month as well <3

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