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mimssides · 7 months

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Three Glasses in A Room

Patton sees things through sky blue-tinted glasses. It's a sharper image than others would imagine. It's sharp enough to see the little freckles of warmth shining through Logan's seams. Warmth that isn't his. Will Patton be able to see through this or will the blue betray him?

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Something had changed in the mindscape. The air had shifted, a tension, different from the one before, lay over them all.

Not that it was stronger. It had been so very tense for ages. No, it was that the quality of the tension had changed. A shift from desperation and frustration to resentment and – rage.

As Patton walked through the living room, he could smell it; the sweetness of concealed anger and the rich chocolate note of unspoken declarations of hate. He smiled weakly as Virgil walked past him. The side didn’t bother looking and Patton was somewhat relieved in his disappointment. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to fool Virgil into believing everything was just dandy with him.

Probably Virgil wouldn’t have cared to begin with. Which was not a train of thought that would be helpful to follow through, Patton reminded himself and took a deep breath. He had other things to do and would do them. Yes, today he had a goal in mind and headed to the kitchen.

His eyes went to the spot where Janus and Logan had stood the evening after the latest date with Nico. He remembered how Logan had told him that he could handle himself. Which was true. Logan had always been capable of defending himself if needed.

But there had been something that didn’t quite fit. He turned to prepare coffee. Logan might have asked him to leave, so he could deal with Janus himself. That wasn’t unusual. He wanted to have some privacy during conversations he felt unsure about. Also, not unusual for him.

He got out his white mug and took the light grey one out, with the Leo constellation. The little stars on it were labelled, Regulus the biggest since it was the brightest, and the grey would turn a dark blue when hot liquid was put inside. Casually, Patton pulled out the sugar from the top shelf and put a smile on as certain steps entered the kitchen.

“Heya ki- Logan!” Patton greeted his fellow side.

Logan bowed his head with a polite “Salutations.” His eyes drifted to the two coffee cups.

“I made enough for us both. Would you like a cup?” Patton asked as he took the coffee jug out of the station.

“That would be satisfactory.”

Patton filled Logan’s and then his own cup. He put the sugar and milk on the table and sat down. Carefully he watched Logan and patted on the table when he didn’t follow. Logan met his gaze and followed his request. He sat down with his cup.

There was intent in that gesture. There was always intent in Logan’s gestures. There was always a goal in his mind. It just never was an agenda. It wasn’t to manipulate or get people to go his way. Logan was obvious and upfront with what he wanted. Well, not about what he emotionally wanted or required but otherwise it was clear what his actions were supposed to accomplish.

But in his eyes sparked a will to win when he talked to Janus. In his eyes sparked defiance as he sat down with him just now.

Logan didn’t have an agenda.

“Do you mind if I reminisce for a second?”

The side tilted his head to the side and nodded. He moved his free hand in a reassuring gesture.

“This cup-” he pointed at the one in the other side’s right hand - “-was a gift about five Christmases ago. I gave it to you because you’re our brightest little star. You rolled your eyes at it, but you liked the pun.”

“Debateable.”

Patton laughed a little and looked at the mug.

“You don’t use it very often. I wondered why,” Patton said and tapped his fingers on the table, “Remember what you told me?”

The side furrowed his brows, and he looked down at the mug. He drew his hand away from it, looked at it and eventually: “Washing it too often would damage the print of it.”

“That’s all?”

The side’s eyes went from the cup back up to Patton. His mouth fell open for a millisecond before he closed it.

“I did like the pun?”

Patton’s face fell a little. But he was right. At least once he was right. Very gently he reached over the table and taped the hand of the other side.

“Logan did like the pun after a little bit. After I showed him the true glow.”

The side’s hand never pulled back from Patton. The gaze was a little unsteady. Suddenly it focused. He looked up to Patton, the voice slightly changed but not quite away yet.

“They are glow in the dark stars.”

Patton smiled.

“Mhm. You figured that out quickly.”

The calculated expression, the stoic tension in the jaw, they fell and were taken over by barely concealed rage and defiance. Somehow that felt more reassuring than the silent treatment Virgil and Roman had graced him with the past weeks.

“Is he save?”

He began to growl. Quick as the wind, Patton reached over the table taking both of his hands and shook his head. Here was not the place to make a scene.

“He’s with you willingly. I see that. I don’t need reassurance that you did this according to his wishes. I just -”

Patton looked to the door. He pulled his hands back and gulped.

He’s scared for Lo. He’s straight-up scared that what they’ve done has damaged him permanently.

Wide-eyes Patton stared at the side. First, the side seemed confused then he heard in his head: That’s not supposed to hap-

The side shook his head and pressed his hands against his head. The connection had broken, and their heads were theirs again. The side took a sip of coffee and glared at the floor before he focused back on Patton. Patton was hugging himself and eyed him warily.

“Do you want to check on him?”

A pause.

“Would he let me?”

The side understood. He looked to the right and sniffed his nose with an angry grunt. He closed his eyes and listened. He got his answer and turned back to Patton.

“He’d like you to be there if you respect his right to throw you out again as soon as he wishes. And if you won’t, I’ll make sure you will.”

There was a treacherously big amount of hope in Patton’s eyes at that threat.

“No need for that Anger. I’ll cooperate. I’ll do anything if I – if he’d like to give me the chance to just spend a little time with him.”

Anger eyed him thoroughly through the mask of Logan’s face. What must he have said, must he have done to gain such trust, Patton mused and followed as Anger stood. The act of impersonating him and taking Logan’s place couldn’t have any good connotations for him. That he let Anger do it spoke for itself. Or for how bad of a job Patton and the others had done to care for their fellow side.

They were going down the hallway, almost at the spot where one could cross over to the dark side of the mindscape. Patton stopped as Anger did and listened with him. No one was close by. Anger did the next step. Patton followed. The light changed somewhat, the décor got darker, and some spiderwebs made Patton’s heart beat faster.

But all in all, it wasn’t scarier than any thriller Virgil watched on a rough night. Still, he was grateful when Anger reached for his hand without looking and pulled him along. He had also dropped his disguise and was now wearing his own face again. He was a similar height as Patton was, Patton realised and looked at the orange hoodie. It looked rougher than Virgil’s. Heavier. He also wore a white T-shirt and grey gym shorts. And fluffy pink slippers with white socks?

How had Anger more of a dad outfit than him? Any further thought along the line died when he saw the doorway to the living room. Within he saw a similar layout to their own living room, but more importantly so, was the side sitting on the couch. In a dark grey shirt (a horror motive with several bite holes in the sleeves telling Patton exactly who this actually belonged to) and a pair of navy shorts with little white stars, Logan met his gaze.

It didn’t seem like those were the same eyes from before. Patton’s heart sunk but his expression softened. Logan’s hair was messed up from sleep, far greasier than he usually would let it become. The glasses were smudged, and his hands were slung around a plush ice bear.

Intently but without fear Patton stopped and waved gently at him. Logan’s eyes stayed warily on him but his shoulders relaxed as Patton forced his heart to beat slower and take the heat off of things. It would result in heartburn later, but for this, it was worth it.

“Heya kiddo.”

“Salutations Patton. I see you have uncovered Anger’s disguise.”

Patton nodded and looked at Anger. The side had walked between the two of them, arms crossed before his chest and a glare glued on Patton.

“Yeah, I did. I… Would you mind me asking a few questions? You don’t have to, I can leave or just sit and be here if you like. I’m already glad to know that you’re here and-“

“What are you doing? You didn’t come down here just to see me.”

Patton’s finger pads cooled. A tiny breeze twirled around him and then blew over to Logan, moving his hair gently. He motioned his hands to the other end of the couch. For a moment he just watched Logan for his answer. Eventually finding it. Softly Patton strode to the other end of the couch, sat, and looked at him.

“I think we’re both running on assumptions right now. May I make my intent clear, so you can decide to share yours or send me away?”

“That is acceptable.”

Patton bowed his head and folded his hands. He ignored Anger approaching Logan from the side and holding his shoulder protectively. He simply focused on the logical side and brought bitter mirth to his smile.

“I can see that you let Anger take your place. I’m- I’m ashamed to admit that I’m not exactly sure when you two swapped places, but I think that you were still present for the wedding. And I’m sorry for that. You- I don’t know if Anger told you, but I have apologized to you in a quiet moment for – for skipping you. I’m sorry that in my frenzy I believed that the only way to keep Thomas ‘morally righteous’ was to override logic. That was wrong of me.”

Patton paused. Logan’s face hadn’t changed. His hand on the couch had turned towards him and his ring finger twitched. Patton made a move to reach for it and halted. Logan came closer. So, Patton took his hand and continued as he squeezed it.

“I’m worried now,” Patton admitted and looked to his lap. “I know that there is more to your decision than I understand, but you go down here, so close to the subconscious, it seems dangerous and I would like to know what your plan is. And I would also like to know if you’re planning on telling us about this?”

Patton waited to look up again. He wasn’t sure if his angle had been right. He wasn’t sure if those were the words that would make Logan see what he was worried about. He wasn’t sure if he could stand Logan’s look if he was wrong again.

It was the light squeeze of his hand which made him look up in reflex. Logan’s eyes were unspeakably dark. Much darker than Thomas’ or those of any other side. Darker than the night sky, darker than shadows at noon, darker than the supply closet Thomas had been locked into for twenty minutes in sixth grade. And yet, Patton could see the tint of indigo in them and suddenly noticed the change in his expression. It was clearer, a bit more open than before and something in Logan’s eyes reminded him of his smile.

“Being here is as dangerous to me as it is to you. The subconscious has no use for me and my interest to be here had nothing to do with it in the slightest.”

Logan held his breath and looked at Anger. A conversation without words went on, then Logan’s eyes went back to Patton, and he pulled a bit closer to Morality.

“I have come to the realisation that I am rather overwhelmed with everything that has transpired before and after the wedding. I came here with a different intent but through their help,” - He pointed towards Anger and the hallway “I have found a different approach to hopefully better my situation. Anger has been a huge help and accommodated my needs and wishes dutifully. So far, our plan has been going well.”

Patton pressed his lips together. He could see that Logan was unwilling to give up details. Yet, he couldn’t be angry or disappointed in him. Now, after hearing Logan admit that he’d been overwhelmed he realised how much they had put him through. Tears began to well in the corner of his eyes and he turned his head away. Waveringly he pressed his hands over his nose and mouth and forced the sobs in his chest to stay down. He was far too good at doing that.

All was silent for a long time.

“I admit I feel conflicted about this.”

Patton’s voice was ringing through the room as if the walls were glass and ice.

“I’m glad you found someone to help you. I’m glad Anger is helping you and taking care of you. It does hurt that you had to go to someone else than us to find that relief though. We have- I have failed you. Correct?”

Logan mused for a moment. Then he reached over. Laid his arm around Patton’s back and pressed their sides together. He stared at the spot on the floor next to the one Patton was staring at.

“You did hurt me.”

Patton sniffled. He was about to press his hands over his mouth as Logan took them and squeezed them comfortingly. Tears rolled down Patton’s face. Icily they fell on his lap and Logan’s hand. Like shards, they pinged and wailed as they hit the ground. Yet the room was silent. The room stood still, unaffected by time and space and speed. Nothing happed.

“And I’ve hurt you too.”

Everything happened.

The room spun, light flickered, and the clocks began ringing. Anger looked at Morality’s red eyes, looking deep into his soul. Searching for the seed that had it all started, pulling at the threads that kept the mess from unravelling, poking at the sandbags which kept the water out of the city during a flood.

And Anger let him in anticipation of what he’d do next.

“You posed as him, but I still- I still was being inattentive to you in his form. I didn’t help you when Remus came to mess everything up. I- I should have tried to do something, to support you in a way that you needed. But I didn’t. And I never offered you help or a chance as yourself either. I neglected you because of my biases. I don’t know if I can ever make up for that. I’ll try. I’ll be open towards you when- if that is what you want me to do. And we’ll go from there if you let me.”

Anger was quiet for a moment. His expression was surprisingly hard to read and Patton wasn’t sure what that meant. He found himself feeling disappointed that he couldn’t understand the expression on Anger’s face. At how much he had removed this side from himself.

“Noted.”

Not the answer he hoped for. But probably better than he should have expected. He turned his attention back to Logan. He lifted his hand and stroked his cheek.

“Patton.”

Logan’s voice sounded something between annoyed and saddened.

“I know, I know.”

Patton lowered his hand and took a deep breath.

“I don’t appreciate that you essentially ran away from us. But I get it. I... I’m afraid it was a valuable solution to your situation. So, I’m not gonna say anything. I trust you know what you’re doing.”

“And if I don’t?"

A laugh. The eyes turned warm and trusting.

“Usually you do kiddo. And if you don’t, it won’t be a first.”

His voice sounded far more cheery than it ought to be. He stood and looked from Logan to Anger. Both could see the cogs in his head turning until they eventually halted and he settled on a much more solemn look. The smile though remained on his lips.

“I guess, I’ll see you when you’re ready?”

Logan nodded vaguely. Patton looked at Anger, who eyed him distantly. Patton settled for a light bow of his head and waved a last goodbye before he left.

___

Lucas let out a long breath. He hadn’t thought that Patton would be the one to figure him out first. Really, he had thought Virgil would be quicker but apparently, Anxiety was more hung up with Deceit than it was with Logic being off-kilter.

“Are you alright?”

Lucas huffed and plopped down next to Logan. He watched as he pulled off his glasses to clean the smudges with his shirt.

“How am I the priority here?”

“Oh, I expected them to find out eventually. I did wager that either Patton or Roman would see through it first. You, on the other hand, were unaware of my assumptions. And Patton was probably not the one you preferred to find out first, correct?”

For a long moment, Lucas just watched. There was this sharpness around Logan that he used to have back when they started filming. Something clean-cut and simple.

“You plan a lot more than you let on, huh?”

At this Logan smirked. It bore a bit of the charm from Janus, some of the cockiness from Virgil, but different. It was Logan’s confidence.

“I did. Well, I do. But I have improved considerably.”

“How so?”

Logan stood up and stretched. A sliver of his belly showed at the edge of his shirt. He found he didn’t mind and let his arms fall to the side. He turned and saw his reflection mirrored in Lucas’ glasses.

“Spending time with Impulsivity and Anger has taught me a thing or two about tactics.”

Lucas tilted his head in question.

Logan’s eyes glinted mischievously.

“Sometimes you just don’t need to give a figurative fuck. Sometimes, you just have to let them run into the wall they have built and let them tear it down themselves. So to speak.”

The words stuck along with Lucas. He couldn’t get to the bottom of them for a long time. He couldn’t understand, how Logan could be so relieved to see Patton again but at the same time was not willing to let him down gently.

Not when that evening Logan held Remus close to his chest as they watched a deep-sea documentary on the couch. Not when he gently revealed to Remus that Patton knew. That it was part of his plan for the others to figure it out themselves, and that it was probably for the best that Patton was the first to figure it out.

“Why’s the Dad Bitch our best option?

“Because his reaction to finding it out during a confrontation would be the most unpredictable. Roman lashes out verbally, which will be mean and uncalled for but essentially meaningless. He very rarely says things that he actually believes to be true in rage. Virgl’s anger might be more uncomfortable, but Roman, Patton and I have been able to shut him down if necessary. Patton’s bursts are far rarer, and they will hit on a much deeper level than the others. He figuring it out first is ideal. It is even better, as he has agreed to keep quiet about it, since he believes me to be capable enough to deal with this.”

Remus listened closely but didn’t bother to comment on it any further. Lucas heard Logan quietly whisper into Remus' neck during the rest of the night. He couldn’t quite decipher them but judging the tone it was meant to be encouragement. Whatever for Lucas didn’t understand.

___

“He’s never going to accept me.”

“He’ll have to.”

A sloppy wet kiss was placed on Logan’s nose. The logical side made a grossed-out noise and Remus snorted weakly.

“He won’t, little beetle”

“You don’t have all the facts.”

“Which are?”

“I love you.”

With how flatly Logan uttered the words, Remus couldn’t help himself but laugh out loud.

With a smirk Logan sat up on the bed. He watched the duke shake with laughter, pressed his hands against the sides of his chest and manoeuvred himself on top of Remus’ hips. His laughter was messy, unapologetic and loud.

It was also foremost so incredibly sincere.

“And to some extent,” he leaned down and kissed him gently on the still wiggling moustache, “he believes I make the right decisions.”

Logan needn’t say any more. Remus understood the implication. Understood that he was Logan’s good decision. But both of them knew that wasn’t really enough.

Patton needed to look at Remus and understand that he was worth more than what Logan thought of him. Then what he could do for Logan.

That Remus had the same potential to be “redeemed” as Deceit, Anxiety and Anger did. That sometimes not people needed to change but Patton needed to change his perspective to recognise that the person wasn’t bad to begin with.

And that sometimes “bad” things needed to be accepted too.

#eir writes #Dark Side Logan Saga #ts patton #ts logan #ts orange #ts remus #sanders sides fanfic #wirtten a while ago and never posted here #patton talks like this because he's an emotional chameleon and subconciously trys to mimic the people he's talking with #backtround intrulogical #sanders sides

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