#WHAT IF I GOT TO SAY “THIS IS FOR MARTIN MOTHERFUCKER”

[anxiousxdreamer]

what if i was just shameless and shoved myself into skyrim huh then what

#Dreamer's day #well then dreamer you'd be just. fanficcing an rpg #YEAH AND IT FEELS LIKE A CRIME BUT IT AINT #WHAT IF I WAS SELF INDULGENT AND DID WHAT I WANT #IMAGINE GETTING SUCKED INTO SKYRIM AND KNOWING SHIT BEFORE IT EVEN HAPPENS #DO YOU THINK HERMAEUS MORA WOULD BE ANNOYED #OR EVEN AKATOSH #WHAT IF I WENT INTO THAT FUCKING MYTHIC DAWN MUSEUM WITH A FULL REALSIES PLAN TO JUST STRAIGHT UP MURDER HIM #AND WHISPER A NAME I SHOULDNT KNOW INTO HIS EAR BEFORE I CHOP HIS HEAD OFF #WHAT IF I GOT TO SAY “THIS IS FOR MARTIN MOTHERFUCKER” #AND IT WOULDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING BUT IT WOULD FEEL SO DAMN GOOD

[nat-20s]

in the version of TMA that's a Romcom with horror elements rather than vice versa people usually have Tim clock that Martin's in love with Jon and (wrongly) feels bad that Jon doesn't feel the same but I actually think it's the exact opposite. I think Jon one time smiles down in his phone and Tim is like Metal Gear Solid 2 Surprise.mp3 and asks "Hey uhh what's goin on there?" and Jon kind of blinks at him for a second, clearly having forgotten he was there, and says "Oh just got a check in text from Martin" and Tim internally is like ah okay this motherfucker's in love. And then he texts Sasha like "aw fuck jon has unrequited feelings for Martin, too bad Marto is in love with someone else :///" because he knows that Martin is pining after someone and he thinks it's like fuckin. Melanie.

#tma #tim stoker #jon sims #martin blackwood #jonmartin

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Lord of the Rings but I've never watched it

*slides into the post with a creepy smile* hello maggots it's me back again doing what Satan put me on this green earth to do, summarise things I have no authority to summarise.

I kind of read the Hobbit when I was like 9 or 10? And I may have seen a scene or two from the movie(s)? But that's it. So of course let's hear my hot take on the series.

The elves are hot. Like really hot. They are fucking pretty. Everyone is such a slut for them.

Now I hear some of you lil shits saying no asmi actually i'm a hobbit person no actually i prefer the dwarves and one motherfucker who says actually i'm a gollum kinnie and I'M PREEMPTING THAT BY CORRECTING POINT ONE. MOST PEOPLE ARE SUCH A SLUT FOR THE ELVES. DON'T MAKE MY POST WEIRD.

Oh yeah Gollum was a hobbit but now he's married to a ring and he calls it my precious.

I think he's also a cannibal. Not to indulge in profiling, but he looks the type.

There are like horsepeople of the apocalypse except they're just horsepeople of Smaug and they're like scary. I think their music theme/call is very cool. I do not remember.

Who is Smaug? Smaug is Bendover Cumsnatcher.

On reflection, the horsepeople might be of Sauron, not Smaug.

Who is Sauron? Idk but it's his ring and he has an eye.

Martin Freeman is the hobbit named Bilbo and he had to shave his legs for the fake legs so he has shaved legs in one Sherlock episode.

There's an old dude named Gandalf. He wears robes and says mysterious shit. He has a wand/staff and a possibly homoerotic history with the villain. He has white/grey hair and a long beard. He's the main character's mentor sometimes.

No, what do you mean R**ling's Dumblewhore is a ripoff of that? I see no similarities at all.

He's grey and then he dies and gets whitewashed by the narrative.

Frodo is played by that one actor that reminds me of Aamir Khan.

Frodo is like Freeman's nephew or something. He has a bestie named Sam. They take the ring somewhere to destroy it.

It could be Mount Doom. It could be not. It is in New Zealand. Idk.

The pretty elves live in Rivendell. I've studied to Rivendell ambience before.

The hobbits like comfort and they eat second breakfast and elevensies. I stan.

Thorin is dwarf. He's the king of something.

I had a Hobbit activity book when I was a kid. It was very cool. The riddles were fun.

Galadriel is an elf and they just made some kind of backstory series with her and ruined her character which seems on brand for modern cinema.

There's some kind of book called the Silmirallion or Similarlion or Smillylirryon IDK IT HAS A SI, L, M, A, R AND ON.

Uhhhhh that's all I've got. I am open to being educated, even though I clearly know everything about this.

#good omens mascot #weirdly specific but ok #asmi #maggots #back on my bullshit #lotr #gandalf #the lord of the rings #hobbits #smaug #thorin #rivendell #jrr tolkien #lotr fandom #lotr summary #the hobbit #sauron

[purplephantomwolf]

Love in Motion

Chapter Four

Synopsis: Lydia gets a wrong number text from Lando Norris.

Note: This is not an accurate portrayal of how the real people in this act. I do not know them personally, so I will not be portraying them accurately.

Warnings for this chapter: None

Previous Chapters: Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three

Next Chapter: Chapter Five

Masterlist

April 9, 2022

12 am

     I yawn as I sit down in front of the tv to watch qualifying. I’ve got Luke and I’s chat open to send him messages about qualifying as it happens. Nothing happens for the first 16 minutes until I see Latifi’s car go spinning around. 

Me: OH MY GOD! What happened to Latifi??

     I watch as I see Lance Stroll’s car come up on screen. 

Me: He got tangled up with Lance Stroll??

    I watch the replay and see Stroll turn into Latifi. I hear his radio, blaming Latifi for the accident. 

Me: Lance motherfucking Stroll. How could he even think it was Latifi’s fault at all?? Outrageous.

     For the next 15 minutes, I stew in my anger at Stroll for blaming Latifi. 

Me: There’s just no way he can blame Latifi for this. He clearly saw him in his mirrors!

Me: And now Alex has a problem with his car! Williams is just not having a good day, damn. 

     Q2 goes by without any crashes, and by the time Q3 rolls around, I’m fighting to keep my eyes open. They flutter close for a second before I hear the commentators yell. My eyes fly open to see Fernando Alonso go into the barrier. “Oh my god!” I gasp, covering my mouth. 

Me: Fernando crashed too! He lost the hydraulics! 

Me: This is so sad. 

     After 12 minutes, Q3 gets going again. I yawn as qualifying comes to close. I grin as I see Lando finish P4.

Me: Wooo! Lando starts P4! Let’s go Lando!

     I shut off my tv once Max, Checo, and Charles start getting interviewed. I quickly crawl into bed and pass out. 

************************************************************************

Lando’s POV

     My performance coach, Jon, hands me my phone. “It kept going off during qualifying,” he says, eyes knit in confusion. 

     “Thanks, Jon,” I say, unlocking it. I grin when I see eight messages from Lydia. Jon’s eyebrows raise at my grin. “A friend was messaging me,” I answer his unspoken question. I go to our chat and read all of Lydia’s messages. I smile when I read her excited text about me starting P4. I shoot her back a message, hoping she’s still awake. 

Me: Yeah! The McLaren team is super happy for him. 

     I wait for a minute, but don’t get a response back. I internally pout, sad that Lydia didn’t respond. “Time to head to the media pen,” my press officer, Charlotte, says, appearing next time. 

    “Alright, alright. I’m coming,” I grumble, following her. I follow Charlotte to the media and stand in front of the first media team. 

************************************************************************

April 9, 2022

11 pm

Lydia’s POV

     I curl up on the couch as the cars finish the formation lap. I have my chat to Luke open so I can message him. The first lap goes quietly until Carlos spins. 

Me: OH! Carlos spins! He’s stuck in the gravel! Oh my! 

     My eyebrows knit as I see Lance comes into the pit for a second time under the safety car. “Interesting strategy to try to go to the end on one set of hard tires,” I mumble. I yawn as the safety car comes back into the pits and the race picks up again. I gasp as I see Sebastian go through the gravel, letting out a sigh when he doesn’t get beached. 

Me: What happened to Sebastian?? Why did he need to stop? 

Me: And there’s debris?? What happened?

Me: OH NO! He hit the wall!

Me: I’m not a big fan of one of the announcers. He’s just hating on Aston Martin and everyone who keeps making a mistake. 

     The safety car comes out again and after some laps under it, racing gets back under way. I groan when a stewards message pops up on my screen. “These are never fun to read,” I say. 

Me: How does Mick, Yuki, and Pierre all have safety car infringement investigations? How do you infringe on the safety car? 

Me: Also, what happened to Max?? Why did he need to stop the car??

Me: His car is on fire! Thank god they told him to stop the car. 

     I groan as another safety car period starts. “I just want to sleep,” I whine. The safety car only lasts two laps before racing starts again. “Oh thank goodness,” I sigh. Nothing else exciting happens during the race, leaving me to fight sleep. I wake up more when I hear that they’re on the last lap. I glance over at the order and grin when I see Lando finishing P5. 

Me: Lando got P5! Let’s gooooo! And Daniel got P6!

Me: But now it is time for me to pass out, so good night, Luke!

      I shut off the tv after the podium ceremony. I crawl into bed, falling asleep quickly. 

************************************************************************

Lando’s POV

     I slump down on the chair in my drivers room. I grab my phone, hoping for messages from Lydia. I grin when I see a string of messages from her. I read through them before replying. 

Me: Which announcer is it? And McLaren is very happy with the results. Have a good night, Lydia. 

     I’m still grinning when Daniel barges into the room. “Hey, we’re going out for drinks, you want to join?” He asks. He stops and squints at me. “Why are you grinning like a maniac?” He questions me. 

     “Just happy with our results,” I shrug. He hums, still squinting, like he doesn’t believe me. 

     “Well, we’re going out at 10 pm, if you want to join us,” Daniel says, before leaving the room. I decide to get ready to go back to the hotel to get ready for the night out. 

************************************************************************

2 am

     I’m sitting at the club next to Carlos, sipping on a drink, when my phone vibrates on the table. Lydia’s name flashes on the screen and I grin. “Who’s Lydia?” Carlos asks, looking from my phone to me. “Why are you grinning so big? Do you have a secret girlfriend?!” He gasps.

     “No, she’s not my girlfriend. She’s just a friend I made earlier this week,” I explain. 

     “But you like her?” He digs for more information. 

     “Lando likes who?” Max asks, as he slides into the booth, Daniel following him. The three of them are staring intently at me, awaiting my answer. 

     “I don’t like her,” I deny. 

     “Your smile when she sent you a message says otherwise,” Carlos points to my smile. 

     “Oh! Is she the reason you were grinning like a maniac in your drivers room today?!” Daniel asks. 

     “What? No! Maybe. Yes, yes she was,” I admit. They raise their eyebrows. Max gestures for me to continue. “Okay, so I ‘met’ her earlier this week,” I start, putting met in air quotes, “I was given the wrong number at a club earlier this week and it happened to be her number that I was given.”

     “You believe it’s actually a girl? Not someone lying to you?” Carlos questions. 

     “Yes, I believe her,” I’m quick to defend myself and Lydia. 

     “So, tell us about her!” Daniel exclaims, leaning forward. 

     “Well, she’s a college student in Minnesota, studying chemistry. She’d rather be a photographer though,” I start. “She’s a fan of mine, but this is her first season of being a fan. Her dream race is either Silverstone or COTA. She, uh, she doesn’t know she’s talking to me. She thinks she’s talking to some guy named Luke who’s an event manager for McLaren,” I admit. 

     All three pairs of eyebrows raise at the last statement. “Dude, she’s going to be pissed when she finds out she’s talking to you. Girls don’t like being lied to,” Max says. 

     “I know, I know. I just like talking to her, and I lied about who I was before I thought about it. But it’s going so well, so it’s too late to back out now,” I sigh. The three of them shake their heads at me. I gasp, realizing I’ve forgotten to respond to Lydia. I grab my phone to respond.

Lydia: Good morning, Luke!

Lydia: The commentator I don’t like is Will Buxton I think? I just hated how he was hating on everyone.

Me: Good morning, Lydia. I can see why you’d dislike that. 

     I glance up to see Max, Carlos, and Daniel all staring intently at me. “What?” I ask, confused. 

     “You just seem happy texting her,” Carlos says. 

     “I am. She’s a fun person to talk to,” I agree. I look down as my phone vibrates again. 

Lydia: Yeah. So how was your day?

Me: It was good! I’m out celebrating the good results from today. 

Lydia: Oh fun! I’ll leave you be then!

Me: No! Don’t go! I’ve been out for four hours already, so I’m heading home soon anyways. 

Lydia: Alright!

     I yawn, trying to convince the guys I’m tired. “I’m going to head out, I’m tired. Have a good night,” I say. I get a chorus of good nights from them, before I leave. I hail a cab and head back to the hotel, while talking to Lydia. 

Me: Did you sleep well?

Lydia: I did! I assume you’re heading to bed soon though?

Me: Yeah, I’m heading back to the hotel now, so in like 30 minutes I’ll be asleep. 

Lydia: Okay, sounds good! Are the clubs fun?

Me: They can be, depending on who and where you go. I tend to go with my close friends, so they’re fun.

Lydia: Alright, that sounds fun. 

Me: Yeah. 

Me: So, what’s your plan for today? 

Lydia: Well, do some homework, look for some jobs, play some video games. 

Me: That sounds like fun! Well, the video games part does. 

Lydia: It should be!

     I let myself into the hotel room, yawning as I get ready for bed. 

Me: I’ve made it back to the hotel and I’m exhausted so I’m going to head to bed. Have a good day, Lydia. 

Lydia: Okay! Have a good night, Luke. 

     I set my phone down on the nightstand and climb into bed, falling asleep quickly.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @copper-boom @ironmaiden1313 @ophcelia

#f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 imagines #f1 story #lando norris story #lando norris fanfic #lando norris imagine #lando norris imagines #lando norris #lando norris x oc

[brainbleedo]

TMA S1 Character Opinions

Jonathan Sims

love him, wasn't sure at first but now that the season is done I really like him- honestly he is absolutely a wet cat kinda character.

Martin Blackwood

also love him, honestly I cannot pick a favourite character, regardless though his whole living in the archivesthiny was brilliant especially the sheer doomsday esc preparation he had set up. Istg if he dies I will cry.

Sasha James

okay so I've said this for everyone so far but I love her, I love loads of these characters, sadly dont know much about her so far but after the finale something is definitely up and whatever that is it is NOT my sasha

#not my sasha

Elias bouchard

right, Elias, I don't hate him but I'm not fond of him either- neutral right now. He doesn't seem malicious or anything though but for the Magnus institute he seems like a weirdly normal boss so far and it's got me on edge. All in all tho, don't care much for him yet, tho I think he knows more than he's letting on.

Jane Prentis

Jane motherfucking Prentis. God I both hate and love her, she's interesting and I want to know more about the rot and whats happened to her but on another note I hateeee her and her wormy holey skin it's just no. I don't think she's dead, im not even sure she CAN die but regardless I don't think she's dead, tad anticlimactic if she is, I think she might be injured but not dead especially with her whole rot and decay thing that's going on.

Gertrude Robinson

not much to say on her character, she's dead, but more so her death and I really really want to know more, especially the fact she was found shot which is so ??!??! It's such a 'normal' death I'm more concerned about that than anything else, and you still have the whole thing of her blood which makes me think it wasn't entirely natural either. Doesn't seem fully supernatural either tho I mean a gun? All this spooky supernatural stuff and it decides to just shoot her a few times? Nah. Nah I don't buy it, I'm placing my bets on joint efforts.

Tim Stoker

I totally did not forget to talk about Tim, definitely. I really like him tho haven't actually heard much from him yet though from his fucking "Statment of Joe Spooky regarding Sinister Happenings" I think he is absolutely going to turn into one of my favourite characters

#the magnus pod #tma s1 #tma podcast #the magnus archives #martin blackwood #jonathan sims #sasha james #elias bouchard #jane prentiss #gertrude robinson #Brainbleeds Magnus Ramblings #tim stoker

[mst3kproject]

Goncharov

Why the hell is an MST3K blog rising from the dead to review a forgotten Martin Scorcese film?  I'd never heard of this movie until it suddenly became a meme, but I had a day off work and I figured I might as well see what all the fuss was about.  Now I want to talk about what I saw, and this is the only movie blog I have, so I'm doing it here.

Ivan Goncharov is the biggest, baddest motherfucker east of the iron curtain, richer than a tsar and colder than a Siberian winter.  He's got a beef with Neapolitan mafioso Mario Giglioli, so he heads to sunny Italy to confront him in person. His closest confidante, Andrey, thinks it's suicide to do this on Giglioli's home turf but accompanies Goncharov anyway out of loyalty. What follows is a two-hour dick-measuring contest as Goncharov and Giglioli try to out-intimidate each other, culminating in an orgy of gunfire where only one will be left standing... and this is the kind of movie where you can't take it for granted that it'll be the guy whose name is the title.

That's the ostensible plot, anyway.  What makes Goncharov a far more interesting film than such an outline might imply is that the argument between the mobsters is just a backdrop.  Having set up Goncharov's hard as steel, cold as ice reputation in the first act, the movie then sets about deconstructing it.  Goncharov goes from a terrifying figure devoid of all morality to a tragic antihero, a man who has come to believe his own hype so completely that he can no longer let himself be human.

This is demonstrated mainly by watching the breakdown of his relationships over the course of the tense three days in Naples.  The most important person in Goncharov's life is Andrey, the only one he comes near being vulnerable with. Their relationship is depicted as very touchy-feely in a literal sort of way, with Andrey helping Goncharov with his coat and shoes, lighting cigarettes for him, and touching his shoulder or arm as Goncharov confides in him.  The framing emphasizes these touches in a very homoerotic way, and I don't think I've got my tumblr goggles on here.  These guys have fucked.

As Goncharov becomes more and more obsessed with being tougher and more ruthless than Giglioli, whom he sees as an effeminate softie, Andrey tries to persuade him that the other man is not worth this sort of obsession.  Whatever Giglioli did to insult Goncharov (we never find out), Andrey is of the opinion that they should just leave a dead horse in the asshole's bed and move on.  Goncharov's pride will not allow him to do that, and the less subtle Andrey is in his attempts to dissuade him, the more Goncharov pushes him away, finally abandoning him entirely.  The tragedy of the ending comes from the fact that Andrey refuses to abandon Goncharov in turn.

We also see Goncharov with his wife Katya.  He is frequently cruel to her, and she tolerates it because he gives her expensive gifts and because she is seeking a vicarious mending of her relationship with her abusive father - she was never able to earn his love, but perhaps she can earn Goncharov's.  This is doomed to failure, as much because of Goncharov as because Katya doesn't actually want it to succeed.  Nursing a black eye, Katya pours her heart out to a bartender, Sofia, who tries to help her escape... but this cannot work out, either.  As Katya herself says, she doesn't know who she is without her issues.

I am pleased to note, by the way, that every single major character in the movie is named and I can remember them all, which is a bit of a treat for me (I need to watch good movies more often).  The only exception is Goncharov himself.  The end credits list him as Ivan, but nobody ever calls him that, not even Andrey or Katya.  In a flashback scene with his parents, neither calls him by name.  This flashback, fascinatingly, is filmed in the first person, looking through Goncharov's own eyes.  We are not allowed to see him as a younger, softer man.  He refuses to show that side of himself even in the privacy of his memories.

These quieter moments contrast with scenes of ever-escalating brutality, as the Russians and Italians try to force each other to back down by the murder of underlings.  The fact that it is literally a contest, and that Goncharov is aware of this and describes it as such, makes the worsening violence ever more meaningless.  The death of Giglioli's confessor is particularly awful, and the way Goncharov's goons treat the chapel has to be ten times worse if you're Catholic (fun fact: this scene is apparently removed from the Italian version on Netflix, which must make what Andrey says while waiting for the train into a hell of a non sequitur).

At the climax, the two really can't do anything but kill each other, because it's the only place left to go.  Giglioli's priest and mistress are dead.  Goncharov's men are almost all dead or out of action, and Goncharov believes Andrey to be dead.  The initial insult, whatever it was, is no longer relevant.  They have pushed each other to a place where reconciliation is unthinkable.  Whoever blinks first loses, but both have already lost so much that victory means nothing.  Worse, each recognizes that the other is in the same position, and neither can acknowledge it.

This means Goncharov can also moonlight as an examination of violence in media.  Why do movies showcase violence, and why do we watch it?  The initial posturing serves a purpose - Goncharov wants Giglioli to know he's here to personally demand an apology, and Giglioli wants Goncharov to know he's outnumbered and should quit while he still can.  But once it becomes an exercise in one-up-manship, the 'messages’ vanish and the men are now killing for the sake of killing.  Violence in movies can often be gore for gore's sake, pulling out more and more stops in the effort to shock an audience that has been desensitized by years and years of this.  That is what Goncharov and Giglioli are doing to each other.  Truly distressing moments like the fate of the priest, or what Giuseppe "Icepick Joe" Cozzolino (dressed as a maid!) does to Sofia when he assumes she's Katya because she was in Katya's hotel room, make us wonder why we're watching this - and the mobsters wonder why they're doing it.

In the end, it's all just a blood-soaked version of the sunk cost fallacy.  Goncharov had come too far in his vendetta to stop now.  Andrey has followed him too far to turn back.  Katya has been married to him too long to leave.  Of course, any of them could quit at any time and escape from this terrible spiral, but they are unwilling to entertain the possibility.  Like Goncharov himself, Andrey and Katya are prisoners of the identities they have built for themselves, and because their identities are so tied to him, they have to go down with him.

One thing I haven't seen a lot of discussion of on tumblr is the way the film uses the contrast in climate.  Goncharov in Moscow is in his element.  When you see his breath in the wintry air it's as if he's breathing smoke like a dragon.  While other people huddle in the cold he stands up straight and tall.  In Naples, on the other hand, he is out of place.  He wears lighter clothing, but continues to choose long coats and upturned collars, while Giglioli goes around with his shirt unbuttoned.  This should serve to emphasize Giglioli's home field advantage and yet, as we see through Goncharov's eyes, they just make Giglioli look soft.  His apparent weakness makes Goncharov want to appear even stronger.

On a related note, it is interesting to me how sunlight is treated as something very unfriendly.  In Russia, it glitters on ice crystals in the air and lights up condensation, harsh and white and giving no warmth whatsoever.  In Italy it bakes and shimmers on stone and asphalt, casting harsh, black-edged shadows and emphasizing creased brows and frowning mouths.  Outdoor scenes are, as far as I can tell, always hostile interactions.  Even indoor scenes in natural light: the priest dies with harsh sunlight streaming in through the broken chapel window.  When characters are softer with each other, it is always under artificial illumination.  Sunlight is too bright, too revealing.  People like this need some shadows to hide in.

Did I like this movie?  That's a tough question.  It's not really the type of movie you 'like'.  It's definitely powerful and well-constructed, thoroughly absorbing and all that.  There's a taste of Greek tragedy in the inevitability of the ending and the way Goncharov is eaten alive by hubris.  But I wouldn't say I liked it.  The characters are all terrible people whose arcs involve them getting worse, and the whole thing feels deeply claustrophobic, as if I, too, am trapped in Goncharov's downward spiral.  When characters realize their mistakes, it is only when it's too late to correct them - but only in their own minds.  It's a very pessimistic story, about human beings who are overcome by the very worst parts of themselves.

Is Goncharov deserving of all those glowing reviews?  Yes.  Was it unfairly snubbed at the Oscars because the academy was turned off by the violence?  Probably.  Will I ever watch it again?  Fuck, no.

Excuse me, I have to go watch some Pixar movies if I ever want to smile again.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #goncharov #70's #there are horses in this movie #unreality #in case you've been on twitter or something all day #this movie doesn't exist. #i read six text posts and pulled this out of my ass at one in the morning

[themisteriousentity]

I've started season 2 of The Magnus Archives

Thoughts so far, spoilers ahead

Martin is best boy. I will fight for Martin. I will die for Martin. I will kill Jonathan specifically because he is so mean to Martin

Hell yes Jonathan got fucked up. Hurt him more narrative. Now that you've admitted you think most of the statements are true, APOLOGIZE TO NAOMI FOR CALLING HER CRAZY TO HER FACE

That's not Sasha, don't know what that is, haven't looked at spoilers, but I'm pretty sure whatever played Sasha in ep 40 was not her, she didn't sound right and she's talking way too weird

No idea how I feel about Tim yet but I'm glad he didn't die. High on gas Tim is best Tim

Elias... all I can say is "motherfucker" energy. Like someone who is ready to turn on you in an instant

Overall, fairly enjoyable! Will kill for Martin. Have killed for Martin. Will do it again

#tma podcast #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #sasha james #elias bouchard #tim stoker

[dykepvppy]

- BETRAYED altieri sister/sibling reader!  x Quinn.  Soon to be Mindy x reader

Mentions of : grooming, Richie.

" IT FELT GOOD TO KILL HIM" Ethan spoke smiling at me and Tara,Sam... "if it's you and Wayne  then who's the third" speaking up to the killers.. the third killer stood there silently as they slowly took off the mask..

" Quinn " you clutched you fist looking at the red haired girl... "hey roomies.. hey babe" the three of the killers circled around you,Tara, Sam... Wayne explained their motives to me and the sisters but my eyes shifted to Quinn she licked her lips at me as all three of the ghostfaces got closer.. Tara and Sam grabbing bricks and I got a missing piece of glass... hearing Tara yell.

"COME ON YOU MOTHERFUCKER"

She threw a brick at Ethan missing... laughed Sam was getting cornered by Quinn my ears was ringing.. "Aw kill them don't you wanna feel alive" my brother came up behind me... "your dead...Mickey..." he chuckled "come on kid I know that but what your seeing right now is fucking stupid reason to kill, I know you have it in you.. DONT FUCK IT UP!" He disappeared

Chuckling a bit as all of them looked at me... "what's so funny" Wayne held his holster.. "you know you guys motive is pretty fucking  shitty for some guy who didn't do much kills only let a 18 year old girl to do it.. let's not forget he gr00med amber. I don't blame Sam.. he probably had a small dick"

Running fast as I could slicing Ethan's sides. Sam punching Wayne and Tara fighting Ethan.. me and Sam went to the top of the theater, tara now climbing on the ladder... breaking "FUCK" I yelled Sam trying to hold Tara's hand "I ALWAYS WANTED TO STICK SOMETHING IN YOU TARA"

Hearing tara say something to her sister as she let her go.. I saw her stabbing Ethan in the throat.. "now die a fucking virgin". I CHEERED.. Sam looked at me "you got Quinn..." she picked up the gun and gave it too me.. "I'm ready..." she left to go fight Wayne ..

"So it's me and you.." Quinn walked in holding her knife her face covered in blood and a missing tooth " i thought we had something..." the girl laughed "you sure was easy to get but I really did feel the same but ya know the motives !"

My ears started to ring again Mickey came out again " FUCKING SHOOT HER FUCKING DO IT MAKE HER REGRET WHAT SHE DID" he left again

"Hey Quinn" she looked at me with a questionable face ... "yeah".   "Go to fucking hell" I shot her body now ex fell to the ground walking up to her..

"I thought we had something.."

"You were a bad girlfriend Quinn.." I shot her head.   

"You finally did it sis I'm proud of you" Mickey spoke.. "I know you had it in you !" He disappeared again.. walking out of the theater Mindy hugged me. "You ok" nodding and laughing at her question "yup!"   "Hey do you wanna like get some food later just us ?"

"is Mindy meeks Martin asking me out" she blushed and held me "maybeeee" kissing her cheek "I would love too"

We held hands as we left that hellhole that I'll never forget

—-

( I did. this at 2 am 🧍🧍)

#scream vi #scream 6 #quinn bailey #quinn bailey x reader #scream vi x reader #lesbian

[tamatama-kilo]

ok tma spoilers for like a lot of it but istg i need to rant to SOMEONE i need validation

ok so in s4 safe house fics or just jmart fics in general around like s3-5 why the actual hell is jon not as clingy like i get he's worried about being weird (along with literally 7000 other mental and physical and emotional and psychological issues) but this man has literally no connections period. sure, he technically has georgie, but FUCK does she not make him feel literally any better because of saying shit like "just stop doing this and it'll help" GEORGIE. I UNDERSTAND YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND BIG EYE IN SKY. BUT FUCK YOU. anyways jon has no one. not a single goddamn person who gives a shit about him.

well, except martin.

even when he was his ACTUAL SHITTIEST EVER, martin still somehow fuckin managed to make tea for this sopping wet cat of a man and care about him and be concerned even with the "i need to be good enough for him" bullshit which i could go on a whole other rant about THAT but i can do that later but it might be because of what i mentioned earlier, being scared of being vulnerable, being judged, stuff like that, but if i were jon? you bet your sorry ass i would be attempting worship that motherfucker

obviously i'm probably missing a bunch of details but i have so many thoughts happening in my head

CONTINUING ON FROM THIS so i mentioned how martin has this whole "i need to be good enough for him" mentality yeah right so i'm gonna talk about that because i love him and i need to FIX HIM

so we all know his mother is an absolute bitch and she deserves to get her skin flayed in front of her but essentially: she neglected him, held enormously high standards for a child she didn't even really care for, got sick and needed martin to drop out of school at FUCKING 15 and get 2 jobs to take care of her and she could not must up a single FUCKING thank you. and the whole thing with having no present father and all that but im not talkin about that right now

so when martin got moved to the archives he had someone new to impress, someone to get validation from, etc etc and because jonathan sims is the World's Shittiest Boss talks shit about martin ALL the time, is just a menace to him, and is super fucking mean to him calling him useless and dumb and i want to actually murder s1 jon how DARE you talk about my BOY LIKE THA-

anyways because jon is a similar-ISH person to please for his mom, martin has that constant sense of "how can i prove this" "how can i be better for him" "how can i be good enough" because he was so goddamn desperate for literally any validation from anyone and god that hurts me

i have so many thoughts

they all came from an old archived tumblr post basically analyzing jons past trauma up to the kidnapping in s3 and about the trauma from that and shortly afterwards and oh my god i genuinely think you cannot get someone more traumatized than that i mean jonny how the fuck

#i am #so normal #i swear #tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #tma spoilers

[apricops]

[BEGIN STREAM: 18-FEB-2069]

Folks, President Sunny Roosevelt here! It’s President’s Day, and to celebrate, I’m gonna do a reading from the Deck of Statesmen for all my loyal voters and subscribers! I’m still learning, I’ve done some practice readings and stuff, but this is my first time doing a big reading for a crowd, so be nice.

[Sunny begins shuffling a deck of cards. Stream comments: “ohhh this is gonna be good;” “LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOO;” “I want Sunny to shuffle me”]

We’re gonna do a five-card reading today. If you’ve been living under a rock and dunno what that means, you’ve got the Upper Seat on top, three Chamber cards in the middle, and the Lower Seat at the bottom.

[Sunny places five (5) cards face-down in a + (plus) shape]

So first is the Upper Seat, the one on top, and that one sets the tone for the rest of the reading.

[Sunny flips the top card to reveal a portrait of Martin van Buren (Two of Stewards). Stream comments: “Deece;” “TOPDECKING GAS BOYS;” “lol who”]

Ooh, the Two of Stewards in the Upper Seat. I’m getting… so, he’s a transitional figure, and creating something new isn’t always a good thing. Sometimes you become part of something, or create part of something, and you get swept up in it, or it gets carried away. This card is technically a lesser symbol, but it’s very… nuanced, it’s actually one of my favorite cards. Moving on, we have the Lower Seat, it’s like a balancing counterpoint to the Upper Seat, the soft power versus the hard power.

[Zachary Taylor (Five of Generals) is revealed in the Lower Seat. Stream comments: “FUCKING WHO LOL;” “he always looks like he’s holding in a fart;” “SWORDBOY CONFIRMED”]

The Five of Generals in the Lower Seat. Ooh, that’s interesting, very ‘other side of the coin’ to the Two of Stewards. Sort of falling into something, being the one left holding the bag and not knowing what to do with it. So it sounds like, a lot of tension between the structure versus the people in the structure. But obviously you know I’m on your side. I love my boys. ❤️

[Stream comments: ”WE LOVE YOU TOO;” “MOMMYYYYY;” “god all the lower Generals are exactly the same”]

Now let’s take a look at the Chamber. Starting from the left…

[The first Chamber card is Franklin Delano Roosevelt (High Steward). Stream comments: “WE’RE SAVED;” “NO RELATION LOL;” “MY MAN;” “NO RELATION LOL;” “THE BIG DICK MOTHERFUCKER HIMSELF;” “NO RELATION LOL”]

The High Steward! Help is on the way, folks, haha. No, but seriously, everyone says ‘no card is all good or all bad’ and that’s true. The High Steward is one of those figures that holds the moment in his hand and guides it. He’s strong and benevolent, but also kind of greedy. He’s a linchpin, and linchpins can be dangerous, y’know? You don’t want all your eggs in one basket. 

Especially in the Chamber. The Seats are more concrete and the Chamber is more abstract, where the Chamber is coming up with the big ideas and trying to solve everything and the Seats keep asking “okay, but how are we gonna do that?” So a High card in the Chamber is very… it implies some power-sharing, responsibilities being split. Still, it’s always good to see him! Next up…

[The middle card is flipped over, revealing John F Kennedy (Martyr of Discoursers). Stream comments: “BOOM HEADSHOT;” “JACKIE PHAT ASS;” “Reading’s looking kinda grim boys, High Steward might not be enough to save us”]

The Martyr of Discoursers. The drama! Haha. But yeah, the Martyr of Discoursers basically means drama. And in the Chamber, that could mean a lot things - it could mean big revelations or high tension, but it could also just mean distractions. It’s kind of a reminder to keep your priorities straight and not get distracted by dead ends, or not get lured in by something that’s flashy but without substance. Alright, last card…

[The final card is flipped, revealing Grover Cleveland (Three of Paragons). Stream comments: “FUCKING WHO LOL;” “always sucks when the last Statesman is cringe lol;” “why tf is this nerd a Paragon”]

Hey, the Three of Paragons isn’t cringe. None of them are – okay, very few of them are cringe, haha. And he’s a Paragon because, like I was saying, none of them are all good or all bad. Paragons are about sticking to your beliefs and principles. Sometimes that’s really important, but sometimes it means being stubborn or refusing to learn. And the Three of Paragons is - y’know how I was just talking about drama and linchpins and all that? He’s a balancing force against that. He’s very grounded.

So this is interesting. Looking at the reading as a whole, it seems like the Chamber is very diverse - you’ve got principles and drama and ambition all right next to each other, a lot of these big personalities jostling against each other, and they’re sandwiched between the Seats, who are these balancing and tempering forces trying to corral all these thoughts and ideas and build some structure. 

Yeah, that’s what I’m getting. To sum it up, the Chamber, our ideas and thoughts, they want to go big and loud and dramatic, and they’re being tempered by the Seats, who are kind of quiet and diligent. We’ve got all four classes on the board with a slight Steward majority, which says to me that.. it’s always hard to say when you’ve got a 2-1-1-1 split, because there’s technically a majority, but it’s a small majority. The Seats don’t have a figurehead grabbing everyone else and leading them forward, so right now isn’t the time for any big decisions. It’s saying nobody has all the pieces yet. As tempting as it is to charge ahead and be independent, you should really take a moment to think things through and talk with people.

[Stream comments: “AI gonna take over AGAIN at this rate lol;” “we pulled High Steward so I’m happy;” “Sunny you’re so centrist lmao”]

So, there you go! I hope you enjoyed watching my reading, I had fun doing it. Don’t forget to vote, comment, and subscribe, and check out the store! We’ve got a big President’s Day sale on everything, including a new, that’s right, a new dakimakura design, so make sure you take a look! Mmkay, bye-bye~!

[END STREAM]

#manorpunk 2069 ad #deck of statesmen #President Sunny Roosevelt #spec fic

[anticomedygarden]

some people say they will never believe another promise they hear in the dark

Cash just got off a sudden eight hour flight. He is soaked and tired. Somehow, that isn't his biggest problem, but Shaan may have some comfort to offer.

(or that night at Kensington from Cash's perspective)

also posted on ao3

-

title from billy joel's 'an innocent man'

all of the dialogue between the beginning and them actually entering the palace is taken from the book, and because it is killing me not to properly cite it:

McQuiston, Casey. Red, White & Royal Blue: Collector's Edition: A Novel. St. Martin's Publishing Group, 2022.

-

As soon as they pulled up to Kensington, Cash and Alex stepped out of the car into a downpour, and Shaan, the bastard, was the only person standing in the way of the warm, dry palace. He, of course, had an umbrella.

"Mr. Claremont-Diaz," he said. "What a treat."

Predictably, Alex didn't waste any time on formalities. "Move, Shaan."

"Ms. Bankston called ahead to warn me that you were on the way." Of course she did, Cash thought. Thank God. "As you might have guessed by the ease with which you were able to get through our gates. We thought it best to let you kick up a fuss somewhere more private."

"Move." Again, with the patience.

Shaan smiled, and Cash really thought he might throttle him. Maybe he should be the next one on the eight hour flight into the pouring rain. "You're aware it's quite late, and it's well within my power to have security remove you. No member of the royal family has invited you into the palace."

"Bullshit," Alex said through his teeth. "I need to see Henry."

Cash prepared to be arrested and vowed to never, ever tell Zahra exactly what Alex said tonight.

"I'm afraid I can't do that. The prince does not wish to be disturbed.

"Goddammit Henry!" Even better, Alex started yelling directly up to what was presumably Henry's bedroom window. {"Henry, you motherfucker!"

Cash finally decided it was time to step in, not that it would help. "Alex."

He was ignored. "Henry, you piece of shit, get your ass down here!"

"You are making a scene." Shaan said, not looking all that put out.

"Yeah?" Alex said, not quieting at all despite Cash's concerns. "How 'bout I just keep yelling and we see which of the papers show up first!"

Zahra was going to have a heart attack (if Cash didn't first).

Alex turned back to the window and started flailing his arms, too. "Henry! Your Royal fucking Highness!"

Shaan touched a finger to his earpiece. "Team Bravo, we've got a situa-"

Just then, Henry appeared in the doorway, not looking much better than Cash felt right then. "For Christ's sake, Alex, what are you doing?"

Alex stopped moving, stopped yelling, finally, his mouth still open.

He dropped his arms. "Tell him to let me in."

Henry sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's fine. He can come in."

"Thank you," he said, looking at Shaan just so he could have the last word, little shit. They all walked into the palace, Henry and Alex up a massive staircase and Cash following Shaan through the empty hallways, though the word empty was honestly generous. A better description might have been cavernous. At over 6 feet tall, Cash could stretch out both arms and not ever touch a wall, and, as a man who had personally experienced the opulence and greed of the American upper-class Republican party, he wondered why anyone would ever want that. He thought about Sir George Coppin and William III and Mary II and centuries of royals who had walked these walls and attempted to feel a lick of guilt about the mud and rainwater he was tracking through them. Oh, well.

After passing half a dozen nearly identical doors, Shaan finally led them into one that was, upon further inspection, a small kitchen. A marble top island sat in the center of the room surrounded by stools with a large black fridge, oven, sink, and counter to the right. Cash was a bit surprised by how modern it looked, though he wasn't sure exactly what he was expecting. A brick oven set over a fireplace, maybe? A giant portrait of King George III? Really, he didn't know.

"You can sit down, if you'd like," Shaan said, already taking a place at the kitchen island. Cash pulled out a stool and sat down heavily across from him.

"You think they're gonna work out whatever this is?" Cash asked, wincing when he heard a shout, probably from Alex. If anyone's lungs could transcend the distance from here to Henry's bedroom, it was Alex.

Across from him, Shaan sighed sadly, betraying more emotion in a single breath than Cash had ever seen from the man, and he began to wonder if the last ten minutes were simply for show. "It may not matter if they do."

It was, Cash knew, the truth, no matter how much he wished it weren't. "I've never seen him so happy," he noted.

He knew it was incredibly cliché, but it was the truth. The kid had always been excited, maybe a little too excited, actually, but since things with Henry had gotten...important, so to speak, he'd been happy. Really happy. Not that he wasn't before, exactly, but, honestly?...He really wasn't.

Before, happy wasn't something Alex always had time for. Now, somehow between the DNC, classes, fundraisers, and media appearances, Alex had started making time for happy, and that happy came in the form of Henry. Prince Henry of Wales.

Cash knew exactly what would happen if that suddenly went away. Alex would run himself right into the ground.

When Shaan turned his shadowed face to Cash, he knew the other man was thinking the same thing. "For Henry as well." He paused, a pained look crossing his face. "I am afraid that no matter the outcome of tonight, the fallout will be devastating."

Cash couldn't help but agree.

They lapsed into silence, at least until Alex's voice speared into the room. "-fucking love you, okay?"

Groaning, Cash said, "I'm so sorry."

Shaan waved him away. "Don't worry about it. No one else in the palace should be able to hear them." Something appeared to dawn on him. "Although, Philip and Martha are here, so we can't allow them to get too loud." At Cash's uneasy look, Shaan said, "They're staying on the other side of the palace. I wouldn't be too worried."

Cash nodded. "That's good."

A couple more minutes of tense silence later, Shaan said, "Would you like something to drink?"

"Coffee, if you have it." Shaan looked at him oddly. "If this turns ugly, I should probably be awake for it."

He didn't know what he was more worried about: the fight turning violent (unlikely), or Alex and Henry waking up Philip, and that encounter turning violent (much more likely).

Shaan nodded in understanding and turned the coffee maker on. "How do you take it?"

"Black."

For a while, the only noise was the sound of the coffee maker working, leaving Cash to wonder how the fuck he was gonna explain this all to Zahra. Maybe, if they didn't break up and Alex came out the other side relatively unscathed, Cash could make him explain it all with very little remorse. If they didn't, well...Zahra may not be the biggest problem.

To Cash's surprise, the next voice was unmistakably Henry's.

"I don't want it!" He couldn't imagine what that was about, and he really didn't want to know. There were more shouts, but Cash couldn't make them out.

"Didn't know he could get that loud," he said instead.

Shaan sighed again and set a mug down in front of him. "Alex seems to bring it out in him."

Cash snorted and took a sip of coffee, reveling in the bitter taste as he felt the warmth seep into his bones and wake him back up. "He brings it out in everybody."

There was a lull in the shouts, and Cash hoped they might be winding down, but of course Alex started up again.

Thankfully, they didn't last as long this time, tapering off into angry hisses, until there was a sudden thud noise.

Cash was already halfway to the door before he registered the other noises being made: a groan, some stumbling, and the vivid sound of bed springs.

Shawn stood then, obviously eager to not hear them anymore. "Let me show you where you'll be staying tonight."

Cash nodded. "That sounds great," he said, a bit too loud, for now there was the horrifying sound of quiet crying and far more vibrant moans.

Quickly, Shaan led him down even more identical hallways - he couldn't get out of this place if he tried - and eventually landed on a dark wooden door indistinguishable from the ones next to it. Blessedly, he couldn't hear the boys anymore.

"I'll come get you in the morning provided your charge doesn't decide to leave before then." Shaan's voice had gone flat again, but Cash thought he saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "If you need anything, you have my number."

"Thanks," Cash said, the for not telling anyone higher up about this, hanging between them.

Shaan's mouth quirked up in a half smile, and he turned to go. "Of course."

Watching Shaan disappear down the immense hallway, Cash sincerely hoped they could find a way out of this mess without complete devastation, but he knew it wasn't likely.

Maybe, though, they could at least make sure they got through it alive.

#firstprince #rwrb #red white and royal blue #casey mcquiston #fanfic #rwrb fanfic #firstprince fanfic #ao3 link #my fic #my writing #my fanfic #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #henry and alex #henry x alex #alex x henry #rwrb fic #firstprince fic #fluff #angst #humor #shaan srivastava #cash rwrb #funny

[queersatanic]

When it comes to The Satanic Temple, there's always more

The Satanic Temple uses people—uses them up and discards them (or worse).

If you think you're different, look at what happened to those who came before.

TST will use any weakness you give them and hurt you with it later: your housing, mental health, even the death of your pet.

Some of you may even remember this Vice article from a few years back:

Ash Astaroth was then the director of the Temple's headquarters in Salem, and he was still assistant chapter head of the NYC chapter he had helped found.

So in 2016, The Satanic Temple found Astaroth useful for public propaganda, as in that Vice article, even though it wasn't necessarily representative of the organization as a whole. How could it be given who started TST (and who still owned it)?

Satanic Trump-supporter Brian Werner's sign speaks for itself, but Werner also believed abortion was "killing a child". Werner apparently found the death of Trayvon Martin very funny, or at least wanted to be edgy selling clothing about it.

TST owner Doug Misicko a.k.a. "Lucien Greaves" a.k.a. "Doug Mesner" reaching out to Shane Bugbee also says plenty, and we've covered that relationship elsewhere. Short version: "One drop of Jew blood means you ain't breakin' bread with me, motherfucker" is something Bugbee once said in the middle of a 24-hour stream with Misicko.

But Zach Black may be less familiar to most.

From The Village Voice in 2014:

Zach Black is a 38-year-old sushi chef in Northern California and a longtime Satanist. He started the Satanic International Network, the largest — though not the only — social media site for Satanists. He was a card-carrying member of the Church of Satan for nearly a decade, from 1994 to 2002. For the first few years after he joined, Anton LaVey was still alive. That made all the difference, Black says, and the church was much more “proactive.” Black is one of a group of disaffected ex-Church of Satan members who believe Gilmore was never supposed to become the church’s next leader. LaVey wanted to pass the torch to a man named Boyd Rice, an artist and writer who was a close friend, Black says. “But he turned it down. He didn’t want to do it. I’m not sure why.” ... Rice, meanwhile, went in a different direction. For nearly two decades, he was part of Death in June, a British neo-folk band that anti-racist groups have accused of supporting white nationalism. Rice has repeatedly denied being a racist or a Nazi sympathizer, a claim that was not bolstered in 2008, when an old video surfaced of him on a public-access TV show, describing Death in June as a proud “racialist” band.

In other words, Zach Black thought it was a shame this guy didn't take over Church of Satan, and therefore Black joined The Satanic Temple to get it going.

Proactive.

So, back to that Vice article, the message was "We're not like those other Satanists", the Church of Satan, sure, but also Brian Werner, Shane Bugbee, and Zach Black who got TST off the ground in 2013-2014.

This distinction, which also involved throwing those men under the bus and pretending they weren't relevant, was made explicit in that interview with Astaroth.

In 2014, as [Astaroth] prepared for a life explaining away his Lucifer tattoos with a spiel about liking the literary archetype, he discovered the Satanic Temple, an unrelated though similarly-named group. It was actually an anti-Satanic Temple rant that drew him to the organization, posted to YouTube by Brian Werner, a former death metal vocalist in the band Vital Remains. "It's become a very liberal, compassionate, borderline hippie-like outlook on politics and societal issues," said Werner. "If this guy is leaving the Satanic Temple for those reasons," Astaroth recalls thinking. "That's exactly where I need to be."

Those who were there during this era would remember Ash Astaroth because he was central to The Satanic Temple's operations, first in New York City, then in the headquarters in Salem as an employee of 64 Bridge LLC, or the "Salem Art Gallery".

In this capacity, Ash comes up in the Belle Plaine lawsuit depositions:

The Satanic Temple's owners "helped" Ash Astaroth by letting him move into Salem Art Gallery / TST's physical headquarters.

This sounds kind, but remember, they weren't just letting him stay as a friend: they worked him. They really worked him.

Read those depositions and email evidence from 2017, or just run a find for "Astaroth" to count how many times he's involved in a national campaign over TST's veterans' memorial. It is extensive.

Ash's housing was directly controlled by his employer.

When you are an organization that targets vulnerable populations for "help" and "opportunities" but you control their continued access to resources, no amount of smiles or love bombing or kind words will ever change the inherent threat of what's going on. Look no further than how this level of control can go to extremely dark places than recent events with the Black Hammer cult in Atlanta.

That's the context of the article that Ash Astaroth wrote after being "excommunicated" from The Satanic Temple in 2018, coinciding with the "Great Schism" where many chapters left the national Temple org over TST's owners' priorities and histories coming to light.

In the next post, we're going to reproduce Astaroth's article largely without commentary but with some content warnings where relevant. Then, at the end, we'll say a little more.

But as a general warning, watch out for self-harm and sui references, mental illness, abuse, and pet death.

#The Satanic Temple #Ash Astaroth #Boyd Rice #Lucien Greaves #Brian Werner #Shane Bugbee #Zach Black #Salem Art Gallery

[m0ther-of-p3arl]

hi i finished tma season 1

IM GONNA THROW UP NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO

WHY HER WHY SASHA WHY MSUT THEY DO THIS WHY MY WIFE WHY WHY N OOOOOOO

THAT IS NOT MY SASHA THAT IS NOT MY WIFE WHAT THE FUCK GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!! SHE DIDNT EVEN EAT ANY NOTEBOOKS MAN WHY SHED GET GRAHAM'D!!!! IM GONNA CRY THATS NOT HER THATS NOT HER THATS NOT HER WHAT THE HELL "yes." YOU ARE NOT MY BELOVED GET OUT

THAT FUCKING TABLE ISTG I HATE IT I HATE IT IM GONNA HIT IT WITH TWELVE BILLION METAL PIPES WHY DIDNT JON BREAK IT YOUUU FUUUUUUCKKKK THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE NO WAY THAT TABLE ISNT RELATED TO WHATEVER THIS REPLACEINATOR IS. IS IT THE SAME CREATURE THAT SKEDADDLED INTO GRAHAMS FLAT????? WHY DOES NO ONE SEE ANYTHING WRONG W SASHA THAT IS SO OBLIVIOUSLY NOT HER

the worms the worms the worms ... worm wife ..... the screamerrrrrrrrrrr the wormerrrrrrrrrrr

tim is so silly i love him tbh. my man (presumably) took off his pants in the middle of a wormpocalypse. thanks buddy. he should be high on co2 more often."statement of joe spooky... regarding mysterious happenings..." silly guy silly guy (the horrors) "im fine though. except for the holes. and the pain. and the blood. and the nightmares. couldve been worse though, eh?" u need 12 diff types of therapy now buddy

MARTIN is quite silly too i like him a lot ... erm i think he might actually be a ghost Jon was onto something (silly). jons still such a hater STOPPP HES JUST OUT HERE VIBING... HE SOUNDED SO SAD AND SCARED :( i want to hug him please "im sorry i left you" .. i know what you are

why was Gertrudes body just There btw. what the fuck. shes just been there??? man imagine ur running from The Worms and then BOOM random dead body of the old Archivist HELLO?? AND SHE WAS SHOT??? NO SPOOKY SCARIES ?? JUST GOOD OL GUNS??

i looked it up. the missing cases. have sashas voice. and the homophobic vase statement. im going actually going to be sick. wdym "Evelyn Hewett as Not!Sasha" GOODBYE I HATE EVERYTHING

they all sound so tiiired :[

SORRY TO RANT IN YOUR INBOX BTW IM JUST. NEED TO SCREAM. GOING INSANE

AND SORRY FOR ALL THE CAPS IIIIIMM

I NEED TO BE LOBOTOMIZED RIGHT NOW WHYYYY

AAAAAAH I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO RESPOND TO UR RANT IN EVERY POINT IN ITS ENTIRETY BUT REST ASURED IVE READ THE WHOLE THING AND IM

FUCKKK YESSSSSSSSSS

i knew you'd like tma. i fucking KNEW it. and it only gets worse from here hehehehhe so watch out >:3 and THEN u have to listen to protocol.... fuck yes.........

YOURE CATCHING ON TO SO MUCH OF THE LORE STuFF THO GOOD JOB U UNDERSTAND IT SO MUBH BETTER THAN I DID MY FIRST LISTEN LOL

yea sasha.... oof....... bro got graham'd as u said :3

tim.... auauuaauua a fandom favorite. ofc. the lovely. i have so much to say aobut tim and what a [insert adjectvie that i cant say cos spoilers] character he is but i CANT cos again SPOILERS........

martin is so lovely. i love that man. gorgeous ass lovely human. honestly one of the best characters (but jon's my fave im a jon girlie)

THE HOMOPHOBIC VASE LMAO yes. also. have u heard the jurgen leitner rant?? id save it til after u finish s2 but it is definitely something that every tma fan should memorize.

jurgen leitner?! stupid idiot motherufkcing jurgen leitner god damn fool book collecting dust eating rat old bastard shithead idiot avatar of teh whore, biggest clown in the circus laughed out of town, cowboy motherfucker jurgen leitner (etc etc. this goes on for about 4 paragraphs.)

I RELALY APPRECIATE U RANTING IN MY INBOX. BECAUSE U STARTED LISTENINT TO TMA COS OF ME. ITS LIKE MY HARD WORK IS ALL PAYING OFF. IVE INDOCTRINATED U INTO THIS STUPID FUCKING PODCAST.

dw it destroys everyone. makes everyone go insane. i had the Exact Same Reactions on my second listen ;-; it's a podcast and a half tbh. fucking amazing.

#question spirals #tma #tma spoilers #yeah this was incredible to read :] #im So Happy ur enjoying it so much RAHHHH #its one of my fave things in the entire world #so yea

[alharringtonfan]

i hate martin walls

Just slightly pissed off

Oh my Lord I've never felt this much hatred over some random stranger that doesn't even know I exist in my life before. Jfc Martin Walls is a piece of shit person and creator. A disingenuous, clout-chasing, performative, woke garbage, progre, grifting brainless fuck. Oh my God. Genuinely. I'm sorry but I'm 100% non-partial. Alex is INNOCENT. These """"""victims"""" have laid out their cards on the table and all Alex has to do is make a response on it. They can't combat because all of the "evidence" has already been shown. He can say whatever the fuck he wants and what can they do? Do more guilt-tripping? Peer-pressure?

Waaaaaa but no one believes real sexual abuse victims so I must belive them without a second thought!!! Waaaaa but they are victims they did nothing wrong!!!!! Waaaaa but martin is just trying to be a good guy he just wants to help the victims!!!!!!

Idgaf about STAB or whatever other principle plebbit has come up with. FUCK ALL OF THEM. SUE SUE SUE SUE SUE SUE SUE SUE SUE SUE SUE SUE

So I should respect some motherfucker that ruined a guy's reputation and career because some sociopathic shitheads exposed all of his private information? Why so? These people DESERVE the treatment they're giving others. They absolutely deserve getting harrassed because that's what they're doing to an innocent man that's being thrown under the bus by people he once considered his friends. I may be a Christian and try to follow Christ's teaching at all times but even God was a vengeful god. Jesus got pissed off over people betraying their own values, so why shouldn't I?

I don't care at this point. These people aren't victims. They are a DISGRACE to true sexual abuse victims and a DISHONOR to the life their parents have given them. Imagine you carry a baby for 9 whole months only for it to grow into fucking Martin Walls. Total chilean death NOW.

Ok fuck it. FOR REAL NOW I will drop this until Alex makes a statement back. I'm going to bed and I will be sleeping like a BABY knowing I'm not an illiterate zoomer that is so influential they'd easily fall for Adolf Hitler's propaganda machine and be the biggest nazi facist motherfucker alive if that was what was socially acceptable nowadays. (or if it was what Martin Walls said was cool)

And yes, that AK boot is tasting FANTASTIC today. The mud really accentuated the flavor of utter bullshit coming straight from Twitter itself.

May YHWH forgive me. Peace out ✌️

#ranting and raving #alex exposed epic commentary #unrelated

[something-pithy]

Notes and an Update: What's in a Name?

Chapter 16 of an echo, a stain features Astarion doing what he does best -- feeling terror, spiraling and at the very least contemplating terrible choices as a result. lol.

SPOILERS FOR ACT 2 OF BG3 BELOW

Those of you who are mostly caught up on an echo, a stain know I love me a flashback (and now the rest of y'all know, too lol). There are two in this new chapter, one of which is set in the Shadow-Cursed lands after Astarion has confessed his initial intentions toward and current feelings/desires for Tav to Tav (post-Orthon confession). As a result of that conversation, they've put a pin in the sexual aspects of their relationship, but are still together romantically. Then, the Araj Moment happens (spoiler alert: nobody bit that heifer), Thaniel is reunited with Oliver, Halsin's... admiration of Tav is becoming more apparent, and Astarion is... yes! Spiraling!

I think that flashback speaks for itself, and I'll let y'all get what you will from when / where in the story it appears.

The OTHER flashback, which is much more brief, is about this Tav's name. Now, I'm not trying to make any secret of the fact that the Tav in this story and I have a lot in common in terms of ethnic backgrounds when you remove the high fantasy fake world element from Tav's lol. FIRST I want to say, I don't give a fuck. There is no shame in my game. Nobody comes for George R.R. Martin or Robert Jordan or J.R.R. (the Rs are for REALLY RACIST) Tolkein (don't @ me -- or do, go ahead and send me an ask if you really want to know my feels on that one looool) for writing about characters whose ethnic and cultural backgrounds are Western European / British.

Second of all, maybe I'm being unnecessarily defensive because I'm an old head who came up in a time when writing a self-insert character was like THE VERY WORST POSSIBLE THING YOU COULD DO AS A WRITER, but once again I don't give a fuck.

The lived experiences of ethnic minorities, people of mixed ethnic and cultural heritage (not fucking half-elves who most of the time are just people of the Caucasian persuasion with pointy ears and shorter lifespans than regular elves), first generation children of immigrants, and all manner of permutations of non-white, non-Western "others" are in extremely short supply in all forms of media / popular narratives in the Western world (shit honestly, it ain't just the West but that's another struggle for another day). This is especially true, from what I've experienced as a lifelong nerdalerd, in speculative fiction.

So yeah, I conceived my Tav as a mixed-race (kind of, she's all high elf, but mixed sun, moon, and sea because she's a motherfucking unicorn, come at me bro looool -- no, there are other reasons too but also she's a unicorn lol), mixed-ethnic-and-cultural-heritage person whose life choices are NOT aligned with a lot of the conventions and values of the cultures in which she was raised.

Because that story and perspective is wildly underrepresented in literature, mass media, speculative fiction, and fan fiction.

So here we are. loooool

Having said all that, I got a comment from my fucking delightful beta and queen of my soul, Komo, asking about the naming conventions I reference in this chapter (or their real-world analogues).

So for the notes part of this episode of "Notes and an Update," I'm going to quote part of the comment she left on AO3 about the story and my response, which adheres to my policy of "why say it in five words if you can say it in EIGHT MILLION." Let me know what you think!

NAMING CONVENTIONS IN AEAS

(FROM THE COMMENTS SECTION OF AN ECHO, A STAIN CHAPTER 16:)

Komo wrote:

I have so many questions about naming conventions, both from the corner of the world that Tav’s family hails from and BG proper. Like, in American and Japanese culture, women take their husband’s last names when heterosexual couples get married. In the States, there are exceptions to this rule, of course, with some women hyphenating. In China, women do not change their last names, but kids are almost always named after the father’s side (the old one child policy may have affected this, but the top 100 most common surnames make up 85% of the population anyways). If Tav and Astarion do end up together, would names be a thing they’d have to navigate? Astarion is such a possessive little yandere after all.

I wrote:

OK so this Tav's ethnic and cultural background, as we know, is mixed

(I'm not even getting into her racial background I just can't with fucking elvish loool and her families on both sides are far-enough removed from immersion in elven culture where I'm like LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL SEE YOU LATER TOLKEIN).

On her father's side, she's Zakharan / DnD-analogue MENA (Middle Eastern North African, with apologies to Said for the orientalism of the term Middle Eastern).

On her mother's side, Amnian / New Amnian / DnD-analogue Latina but -- oh lordt OK without getting into the complexities of codified colonial Spanish racism and colorism, that identity is complicated. Through a combination of executive decision-making about elves and race and how they interact with culture on the material plane (aka not in the Feywild) AND really leaning into the idea of cultural analogues in Toril / the Forgotten Realms, her Latina-analogue ethnicity comprises a mix of indigenous and colonizer racial/ethnic heritage.

(I also can't with how fucking convoluted figuring this out was, is, has been, will forever be looool.)

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, for the sake of brevity (looooooooooooooooool), we'll say Tav's full name results from the combination of her parents' names using Amnian/New Amnian (Spanish) naming conventions, BUT that means her full name (which is not even as long as it could be but is LONG) incorporates both Arabic naming conventions AND Spanish naming conventions that result in impressively / annoyingly long names loool.

In modern Spain, at least, when women marry, some don't even take their husband's name. But the kids' names are composites of parents' family names.

A Spanish child takes the surnames of both their father and mother. The structure is usually [father's surname] y [mother's surname] (though in modern Spain and Spanish-speaking countries a lot of people no longer use the "y"), but the main surname would be the father's surname. So for example, someone's full last name might be Juana Garcia y Martinez or Juana Garcia Martinez, but she might just go by Juana Garcia.

ALSO, especially for children of families of some kind of note / nobility when the dad's family was not as well-known as the mother's, this would include the composite names of both parents.

So Juana's name might be Juana [Garcia de Manzanilla (dad's composite surname)] y [Martinez de Hierro (mom's composite surname)].

So Juana Garcia de Manzanilla y Martinez de Hierro. And like, when people get real into it this can go back generations. Like, I don't even remember my mom's whole-ass name. looool.

NOW, Arabic names are composites, too, but incorporate the father's first name, the grandfather's first name, then the family name -- back in the day, they'd link these things with words that indicated the relationships. So for example, if Yemina's dad is Yusuf and HIS dad is Muhammad and their family name is Rashid, Yemina's name would then be Yemina bint/bin (daughter of) Yusuf ibn (son of) Muhammad al-(of the family) Rashid.

So Yemina bin Yusuf ibn Muhammad al-Rashid.

OK SO THERE'S ANOTHER COMPLICATION (aren't you glad you asked this question loooooooooooooooooooool): with regard to Spanish naming conventions, apparently this patrilineal thing hasn't always been the case and only came to be the norm around the mid-1700s. Before that, surname transmission was often matrilineal.

(This comes into play here because the year in BG3 is like, idk, 1492-98 or something? I forget whatever who cares it's before the mid-1700s and I'm just making it vaguely and very much not perfectly analogous with the time / calendar of the Western world because I don't have the bandwidth for anything else loooooooooool).

In this Tav's case, her mom ditched her dad and the kids were young enough at the time that she was able to, as a sign of DEEP FUCKING DISRESPECT TO HIM loooool, change their names to MATRILINEAL AMNIAN-STYLE COMPOSITE SURNAMES LOOOOOOOOOOOOL

(So for a while Tav's government name was Zeneida Nqa Tavares de la Torre de López Jimenez y bin Harun ibn Ishaq al-Jazairi loooool)

I mean this was like looooooooooooooool FUCKING PROFOUNDLY SCANDALOUSLY DISRESPECTFUL FOR HER TO DO TO A ZAKHARAN MAN especially one of SOME NOTE WHO WAS SELF-MADE

That shit was mad personal and a level of petty that mere mortals can only aspire to it was so deep

But TAV'S MOM DOES NOT PLAY

(Now, could she have just cut Tav's father's name out entirely? Sure, but 1) THAT MOTHERFUCKER IS NOT GETTING OUT OF CLAIMING THESE KIDS / PAYING CHILD SUPPORT esp if he ever got married again HER KIDS ARE THE FUCKING HEIRS AND HE AIN'T GON FORGET IT and 2) (possibly more importantly) FUCK HIS COUCH, PEOPLE ARE GONNA KNOW HE FUCKED AROUND AND FOUND OUT)

Even though he's deadass like "lol wtfever I don't give a fuck, I know what their real legal names are" and also this resulted in a protracted, multinational legal battle that was never actually resolved until each kid reached the age of majority and decided what their own legal name would be.

Ahem, anyway as a consequence of all this, Tav's full-ass, whole-ass, government name is:

Zeneida (first given name)

Nqa (middle given name)

bin Harun ibn Ishaq al-Jazairi (full Arabic/"Midani" patrilineal surname)

y (conjunction [means 'and'])

Tavares de la Torre de López Jimenez (mother's full surname)

So: Zeneida Nqa bin Harun ibn Ishaq al-Jazairi y Tavares de la Torre de López Jimenez

But as we know, she just goes by Zeneida Tavares, and she wasn't lying when she said on most docs it's just "Zeneida Nqa Jazairi Tavares."

Second...

tl;dr: Tavvy for short. Ms. Tavares if you nasty.

ALSO LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

If Tav and Astarion do end up together, Astarion better adjust them expectations, bc after all the drama that's existed around her name, he gonna have a hard time getting her to change it looool

Not to mention, she has a career based in part on people knowing who she is so... loooool

SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO IF THE STARS AND PLANETS EVER ALIGN FOR THEM / THEY EVER GET THEIR HEADS OUT OF ASSES

#bg3 #ascended astarion #astarion fic #meta #characterization #poc in genre #woc in genre #bg3 fic #bard!tav #astarion x tav #bg3 astarion #astarion #banter #slow burn #tolkein was a racist #i said what i said #sorry not sorry

[divorcingjimmatthews]

pas de deux reactions (shorter than last time i swear)

elgin fucking hero???? the fucking guts???????? this van ride is giving me a heart attack

ive seen the promo pics i know theyll get in but im here like what if they dont open the doors for them in time?? or at all? i havent seen elgin in the promo pics oh my god. but hes so new theyre not killing him here. right. right??????

oh thank god

shit dale really did do ellis good like oh my god the poor dude

he better not die i dont want him to die and he might and im so hurt and anxious rn

did yall know kristi's acress is actually a medical professional? apparently they hired her before they even knew that

anyway back to the angsting

im gonna die

i cant look i cant look i cant look

the blood oh my god

boyd is so good at pretending like hes not dying inside to comfort fatima and ellis like i get that he screwed up big time with the sara secret but man what this dude has done for all these people at the cost of himself... :( boyd appreciation post

its so sad to see him ask for help and people not really believing him thoo like yeah he doesnt have proof and hes not used to asking for help so it comes off unnatural and like hes delusional but man thats #relatable af

NOT A BLOOD TRANSFUSION BOYDS BLOODS GOT THE FUCKING WORMS IN IT IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND 😭😭😭

also poor jim he's so commited to his experiment theory and people are starting to look at him weird for it but i'm so on his side jim you keep at it you're on to something! i believe in you

the way the pieces are all fitting together here oh boy

man i dont remember my blood type i guess this is how i die in fromville

boyd im sorry but it's a worms or death situation over here. unless someone else is O-negative

KENNY 👏👏👏

hes a big boy nowww and im so proud

damn i really didnt think boyds mental situation would get him to the point where he's risking his son's life?! if someone else got this bad after sara i thought that'd be jade. i tought boyd was too main character for this. im sorry boyd. i didn't see how bad you were doing i assumed you'd just be able to keep pushing through because you're you. i'm sorry boyd. i'm ashamed of myself. this deterioration happened before my eyes and i was like nahh he's okay

theyre stealing this mans blood at gunpoint

THEY CAN SEE THE WORMS???

maybe edgin is O-negative too my poor sweet not-good-with-blood heroic boy

KENNY?????

KKKKENNY???????????

"GIVE IT TO ME" THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING

THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING OH MY GOD

are these people gonna be passing the worms around like a hot potato like. could kenny theoretically... give it back after the transfusion's done??

boyd we're gonna need this fucking blood rn

BOYD?????

I DONT WANT YOUR IDEA BOYD

BOYD?????????

your son is dying boyd

no one can say anything about recklessness to my boy randall after this

he's gonna kill a creature somehow isnt he

fatima must be having 20 heart attacks per second rn

it's our dear smiley poster boyyyy

oh there's more creatures. i thought it was gonna be a 1 to 1 faceoff to echo the episode's title

im not even that sure that boyd is gonna survive this anymore

i mean he HAS to he's the main character but holy hell

im losing my mind

kenny watching through the window like what can you even do about that

hows he gonna get the blood at him like suck it from his hand and spit it or like what

why is he so confident that this is gonna work

i guess him being like this is what got them the talismans like if he didnt come across the talismans he wouldve been so dead in the forest back then and ellis wouldnve died too

but its like this place kind of hhmmm rewards whatever the fuck boyds doing? it seems to work out for him somehow. but martin was the same way and well.

THE SMILEY BITCH IS NOT BLEEDING

oh my good

ellis is dying while this is happening

boyd really said wait hold on a sec i need to rid myself of this blood curse real quick ill be right back

MY BLOOD IS YOUR BLOOD NOW MOTHERFUCKER

ngl watching someone go on the offensive is so cathartic but i can admit that if i was in that clinic i would be losing my mind and not okay with this at all

IT DIDNT WORK???????

OH IT DID

no fucking wayyyyy

the nightmare creature's friends just ignoring him dying like not even scared a little bit???? they just showed they can kill you bro come on. must be unable to feel fear or something

oh yeah okay they were gathering around him and not around boyd damnnnnnnnn i cant believe this is happening

theyre CONFUSED

Boyd really fucking did that oh my god

the monsters are such bad friends to each other they dont give a fuck

i dont do so good with blood either. elgin i get u bro

the padlock on the medicine cabinet ouchie ouchie

donna and ethan are an interaction i wasnt expecting but theyre neat-o

sorry that jade isn't in the episode guys. i borrowed him for giving him hugs and kisses. i'll give him back for the next one dw. yeah victor's here too i'm giving him chocolate chip cookies. they're ok don't worry for them. sara's in the other room having a milkshake i felt kinda bad for her yeah

ethan is asking the real questions

DONNA DHSJDHSJDHSH i love her

ethan 🥺🥺

ETHAN 😭😭😭

donna...

AW donna

THE HUG THE HUG THE HUG

Boyd youre not okay oh my god this man

oh fatima 🥺

OH SHIT

"We shouldve trusted you" no listen it worked out by fucking miracle okay

what an episode dammit