#Some people just don't like certain trends anymore? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chicago-pd-is-weird · 11 days

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Jay Halstead x Fem!Reader

TW: main theme of eating disorders, reader has a panic attack

Requested by: @sorry-i-spaced

You walked into the bullpen, settling down at your desk for the day. You'd gotten there fairly early, early enough to be the only one there, aside from Adam. Seeing as he'd been having issues at home, he seemed to spend more and more time at work. You nodded to him. "Hey Adam, good morning."

"Morning, (Y/N)," he responded, humming as he looked up from the computer. "You're in early."

You shrugged. "I could say the same thing about you." You shook your head, getting logged on to the computer and working on some reports you had in your desk tray.

A few moments later, Adam scoffed at something on his computer, making your eyes jump up to him. He looked to you. "You see these new dieting trends?"

You took in a short breath, but shook your head, trying to play it off as you looked back down. "No, I don't follow that stuff."

Anymore.

Sometimes you missed it, in a way. You didn't miss the suffering, the growl of your empty belly, or the feeling of eating only lettuce for lunch. But you missed feeling skinny. You missed being able to fit in a size 2 pant and an XS tshirt. You missed getting compliments, people asking if you'd lost weight, and bonding with people over it. It was so unhealthy, and yet, you'd made multiple 'friends' that way.

"It says here a juice clense and intermittent fasting can help you lose twenty pounds within a month. That's insane!" Adam laughed.

"Yeah," you mumbled, trying to seem as disinterested as possible. You remembered all of your therapy techniquies, trying to calm yourself down and tune Adam out. He dropped it for a while, just scoffing at his computer every now and then as he seemed to deep-dive on some articles. Obviously, he had too much time on his hands. You wished Voight was there to assign the man some work.

An hour or so later, the others started to pile in. Hailey arrived and so did Antonio, the two of them chatting about boxing or something of the like. You hadn't really been paying attention, until Adam spoke up again. "Hey, guys, look what we found earlier."

We? No, not we. You.

You huffed, trying not to let Adam get to you. It was just a touchy subject. It wasn't his fault, he didn't know, but it hurt you nevertheless. You just wanted the conversation to be over.

"Juice clense and fasting?" Antonio shook his head. "Nah, they got it all wrong. If you're going to diet, you have to go Keto."

"Antonio, that's so 2009," Adam mocked, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, Laura was on it for a while," he shrugged. "I think she lost a few pounds, but she gave it up after a while. It's hard to just cut out certain things."

"How about we cut out this conversation?" You growled from your desk, not looking up. "Bad for your health."

"Yo, (Y/N), what's your problem?" Adam asked, all three of them looking to you. "Not like we're actually doing it. Just talking."

"Yeah, well, some people do it. It's not funny, either." You looked up with the hardest glare you could muster, hoping your eyes weren't glossed over with tears.

Hailey, who hadn't truly joined the conversation until now, looked to Adam. "She's right, you shouldn't even be looking at that stuff at work. They're all gossip articles." She shrugged and moved to her own desk to get busy. Anotnio went to his own desk too, leaving Adam alone with your glare.

Jay walked in just a moment after, looking around at the silence in the bullpen, then sitting at his own desk. Kim and Kevin soon followed suit, walking in and chatting about some new trend on TikTok. You ignored everyone, just keeping your head down and finishing your case reports. Then, you went to the bathroom. When you came back, you could hear Adam talking to Hailey about you, wondering what was the issue.

Since you'd been dating Jay, Hailey had become like a sister to you. Hailey was practically ignoring Adam's asks. "Come on, Hailey, what's her problem today? She's been grumpy since she came in. Jay? Did you not satify her last night or something?"

"That's enough, Adam," Hailey huffed, shaking her head. "I don't know what's going on, but it's obviously none of our business if she didn't tell us. Drop it."

"Adam, dude, shut up for once in your life," Jay chimed in, shaking his head. "Just let it be. If you pissed her off, she'll come talk to you later."

"Dude, what did I do? All I wanted was to make conversation," Adam huffed. "Why did she come in so early anyways, huh? Did you piss her off first and she's taking it out on me?"

Jay stood from his desk. "Alright, shut up right now, Ruzek, or I'll lay you out in the middle of the bullpen."

Adam stood from his desk, huffing. "Yeah, I'd like to see you try, Halstead."

"Alright, that's enough," Antonio said, standing himself. "I'll lay the both of you out on your asses if you don't both sit down and shut up." He shook his head. "Ruzek, why don't you go check on this?" Finally, someone had found Ruzek something to do. You thanked your lucky stars Antonio was there. He had always stood up for you, even if you weren't close friends. Antonio handed Adam a paper with about twenty names. "Take Kevin with you."

Kevin looked up. "Hey, what did I do to deserve that?"

"Nothing," Anotnio said with a shrug. "It's not a punishment for you. Just go, now."

The two men looked at one another, then left together down the stairs. You sighed in soft relief, still standing against the doorway back into the bullpen. You looked at the four people left, nodding as Hailey met your gaze. You sat back down at your desk as if nothing had happened. You were relieved not only to have some peace and quiet, but to have the instigator removed. Adam wasn't a bad guy, but he was definitely still immature, being practically the youngest on the team. He didn't know how to pick up on social cues the way Hailey or Antonio did. It was his biggest downfall.

Some time later, Voight came into the office, having been at a ComStat meeting all morning. He looked around, seeing the silence, then hummed as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "So, I'm two officers down and the rest of you are silent? What's going on?"

Antonio looked up. "I sent them out to drop anchor on some streets we suspect trafficking patterns run through. Do we have a case?"

"No," Voight said, humming and looking to you, Jay, Hailey, and Kim. "What about the rest of you?"

"Finishing some reports, Sarge," Jay said, motioning to the stack on his desk.

"I'm helping with that," Hailey confirmed.

"Filing," Kim said from the filing cabinets near Antonio.

"I just finished my reports a few mintures ago," you said with a shrug. "If there's anything I can help with, let me know."

Voight hummed, then nodded and walked through to his office, motioning Antonio with him. The two shut the office door and talked, but they couldn't be heard behind the wood and glass encasing Voight's desk. You hummed and moved over to Jay's desk. "Need another hand?"

Jay hummed. "No, I think we've got it." Kim moved past the two of you to hit the restroom, leaving you and Jay and Hailey in the bullpen alone. "You okay?" Jay asked softly. "Listen, I know with this morning and everything, and I don't know what Ruzek did but-"

"It's fine," you cut him off with a soft sigh. You hadn't wanted conversation, you'd wanted work.

"It doesn't seem fine," Jay protested, putting a gentle hand on yours. "And about this morning-"

"You wouldn't understand," you mumbled, pulling your hand away. You didn't want to talk about the morning or about Adam. You just wanted to distract yourself.

Jay thought for a moment, ready to protest before realization washed over his face. "Oh... Did Adam say something about your body?"

"No, no, he..." You sighed. "It's fine. It's all fine, Jay."

"He was talking about some new diet fads or something," Hailey chimed in softly, meeting Jay's eyes and giving him a look.

Jay nodded to Hailey, then looked back to you. "You sure you don't want to talk about it?"

You shook your head and went back to your desk, trying to work on your therapy techniques again, then left your desk to go to the locker room without a word.

"(Y/N)," Jay said softly, a soft hand placed on your cheek. He ran his thumb over your cheekbone, which was fairly prominent. You pulled away slightly.

"S-Stop, you'll ruin my makeup."

"You don't need the makeup or the diet. You are beautiful."

"You'll never understand, Jay. Society just doesn't treat men the same way." You sighed wiping the tears from your eyes as you pulled on the pants. You'd been trying to get into the size 0 pants for as long as you could remember, and it was frustrating you that you couldn't get them completely on or buttoned.

"This isn't healthy for you, (Y/N). You don't need to be a size 0 to earn my love."

You let out a scream of frustration when you couldn't pull the pants up all the way. "Fuck! I'm just not losing enough weight!"

"(Y/N), please, please listen to me," Jay begged, walking over and prying your hands off the jeans. "This isn't healthy. You're not healthy. Please, stop trying to be like this. I love you, and I always will no matter what. You could be a size 100 and I would still love you."

You clung to the jeans like they were your life force, but when Jay finally got your hands off them, you hit his chest, then clung to him, sinking into his arms and to the ground. He knelt with you, holding you tightly to his chest, stroking your hair and rocking you slowly.

"I hate myself..." you mumbled. "I hate my body... I'm not skinny enough..."

"That's not true," Jay whispered in reply. "Your body doesn't define who you are... Running ten miles a day and starving yourself isn't healthy. If you don't stop, you won't have a body to hate, and I won't have anyone to give my love to."

You sobbed into his shoulder, still clenching fistfulls of his shirt. Finally, he coaxed you out of the state you were in, took the pants off you, and helped you into some sweatpants that were a size 4, which were big on you at that point. He picked you up with concerning ease and took you to the living room, settling you down and kissing your face. A bit later, he brought in some food he'd made, some chicken and gravy and biscuts with vegetables mixed in. Then, he sat beside you and handed you a small plateful. As much as he wanted to give you a normal or even large portion, he knew it wouldn't be right. He knew you had to start small. "Here," he said softly.  "You don't have to eat all of it, but can you please at least eat a few bites?"

You sighed, but nodded. Jay had been so gentle with you and never really frustrated. He hadn't seen how bad it was until you'd started dating a few weeks back. It hurt him to see you like this, you could see it in his eyes, but you didn't know any different. High school had ruined you, and you'd been spiraling out of control since then. You took a bite of the delicious food Jay had made. You had to force yourself to do it, but the smile that came to his face when you did was more than enough to get you to take another. You loved him, truly, and wanted to get better, for him.

You sighed as you sat in the locker room, trying to keep yourself from crying too loudly. It had gotten to you. You now wore a size 8, and were in a generally healthy state. Sometimes you'd forget to eat or skip meals because you were working, but Jay always made sure to catch you if that happened.

You were terrified now, because the fight that morning had really hurt you and then you'd taken it out on Adam. It wasn't his fault, but he had triggered a fight or flight within you. You swallowed hard and tried to breathe, feeling a panic attack coming on. You moved to the wall shakily and sat down, just in case you passed out. You tried to control your breathing, breaking out into sobs.

"(Y/N), it's been forever since we had a night out. Come on, let me take you out to a fancy restaurant or something."

"Jay, I hate fancy restaurants." You rolled your eyes with a small huff. "What's wrong with having a night in?"

"We just go to work and come home. We never go out together."

"We go to Molly's all the time. More than I'd like to. I'm practically an alcoholic because of you, and it makes me gain more weight." You huffed and turned from the counter to look at him. "I never drank before I met you. Now we're there like every other night. Sometimes more."

"Well, yeah, because we never go anywhere or do anything. I can't be cooped up all the time."

You shrugged. "Then go out and do things. I don't see the problem."

"The problem is I'm not doing them with you. I want to do things with you, (Y/N)."

“And you know I hate going out. People look at me funny.”

“No they don’t!” Jay raised his voice at you. “And even if they were, you know I’m here for you! I’d never let anyone get away with hurting you!”

“Jay!” You yelled, huffing again. “I’m too fat to ever look good going out! I don’t want to go to some fancy restaurant and wear a dress! My makeup never looks right and I look dumb!” You slammed down the plate with your toast on it, shaking your head. “Forget this! I can't eat breakfast in peace even if I wanted to!” You grabbed your jacket, badge and keys, leaving from Jay’s apartment, despite his protests and apologies. You ignored him, then left for the district, the only other place you felt safe outside of your own apartment.

You tried to breathe deeply, but it was so hard. Between your fight with Jay and the ordeal with Adam, you just wanted to shrink into a ball and disappear. You sobbed, trying to keep yourself quiet as you spiraled into your own mind and thoughts.

Suddenly, there was a hand gripping your arm. "Breathe, breathe, (Y/N)," came a familiar woman's voice. You looked up, seeing Hailey through your tears. "Breathe in, as deep as you can. Come on, I've got you."

You breathed in as deeply as possible, but it wasn't deep enough. You breathed out, but back in fairly quickly, trying to catch that deep breath you desparately needed.

"Good, good," Hailey cooed. "Good, (Y/N), breathe."

With Hailey's help, you calmed down within a few minutes. You were able to breathe again, although your head was spinning. You looked up at Hailey, who simply held you by the shoulders now. You sniffled and nodded to her. "Thanks..." you mumbled.

"(Y/N), I've never seen you like this. What's going on? What happened this morning?"

You swallowed hard, getting up with her help and steadying yourself. You sighed, shaking your head. "Jay and I... We're just different. I don't like to be around people, you know? Not in public or at fancy places. I just want to be with him or my friends, like you. People I know won't judge me..." You shrugged.

"Judge you for what?"

Tears came back to your eyes as you wrapped your arms around yourself. "For... For my body..." you mumbled.

"What do you mean, (Y/N)? None of us would judge you based on how you look."

"I-I was really bad for a while... Before I met Jay, and before he helped me get into intelligence... Before I met you..." You sighed shakily, looking to Hailey. "I just... I had a really bad disorder..."

Hailey seemed to understand a bit, nodding. "We would never think of you as anything less than what you are: smart, confident, beautiful. I know Jay feels that way, and so does everyone else in the unit."

"It's all fake," you mumbled.

"Fake it until you make it," Hailey replied with a hike of her shoulders. "Maybe you can compromise with Jay on this. He wants to go out, you want to stay in, maybe there's some kind of middle ground."

"Like what?"

She hummed, thinking for a moment before nodding. "I'll tell Jay what I'm thinking, and you give it a chance, okay?"

You looked to Hailey, skeptical of whatever it was, but nodded. "Alright..."

"And about Adam?"

You sighed. "I was... I was stressed from this morning with Jay and on top of that, he was talking about diet culture and... Those were the types of articles I read about in tabloids in high school... You know, the fads? I didn't... I couldn't listen to that. After this morning, I-I just wanted to leave and be safe, and then I felt attacked again, like temptation to go back to that place... I don't know... It just hit somewhere too close to my soul." You sighed. "I'll apologize when I see him next, I-I just couldn't take his constant talking this morning."

"Hey, we all have a hard time tolerating him on a regular basis, let alone with you going through something like this. You don't have to apologize; you were only defending yourself."

You shrugged again. "I was still mean. I'll apologize and just tell him it bothers me."

"Okay," Hailey said with a small nod. "Alright. Do you need another minute?"

"No, I'm good." You stood, wiping your face and then taking a deep breath.

Adam and Kevin came back in after lunchtime. You hadn't moved from your desk for lunch but, like most days, Jay had left with Hailey to get lunch and come back with a to-go container with a small meal in it. Jay walked in and set it on your desk, then leaned down and gave you a small kiss to your temple before returning to his desk without a word. You nodded a small thanks as you looked up at him, then your eyes returned to your paperwork. You typically did this, either ate in the office or not at all. You used to leave the office to eat in your car, but as you gained relationship with the team, you became more comfortable eating lunch around them.

After Jay came in and everything was settled, everyone went back to their respective "busy work," seeing as there just wasn't a case to handle that day. Even Sergeant Voight looked bored, eyes glazed over as he stared at the computer in his office.

You looked up to Adam, waiting for the right time. He looked up and caught your eyes, you silently nodding to him and getting up, moving toward the interrogation rooms. As you moved into the viewing room, Adam was on your heels. "Hey, look, (Y/N), what happened this morning-"

You shushed him, shaking your head with a soft sigh. "I wanted to apologize. I was very rude toward you. It's just that... Things... Things like that bother me. Stuff about eating and diet culture and that kind of stuff... I just don't like it, okay?"

Adam's eyes softened a little as he looked at you. "(Y/N), I'm sorry, I had no idea."

"I was taking my anger out on you this morning, and it wasn't right, and I am very sorry, Adam. Look, you're a good guy and I shouldn't have been so rude to you, no matter what I felt."

Adam nodded and put a soft hand on your shoulder. "I'm sorry too, I didn't realize it was making you upset. I need to do better with that stuff. I shouldn't have been talking about it, and I won't again. I understand now that it's a touchy subject for you. I didn't mean to upset you. Again, I'm sorry."

You nodded and offered a small smile. "I'm glad it's all okay now."

"Me too." He pulled you into a short embrace, squeezing you softly. "And hey, for what it's worth, you look nice today."

You laughed, snorting a little at his remark. "Is that all, Ruzek?" You punched his shoulder. "Get out of here."

He chuckled and put his hands up, walking backwards and out the door, back toward the bullpen. You took the chance to use the bathroom before going back as well, sitting at your desk and finishing up your tasks while eating your lunch.

When the day came to a close, you stood and grabbed your jacket, looking to Jay as he approached your desk. "Hey," he said softly, low enough that the others wouldn't be able to hear. "Let's get out of here. We'll make a stop at your place, then I want to take you somewhere."

You sighed a little at the thought, glancing to Hailey who smiled and nodded at you, then looking back to Jay. His puppy-dog eyes pleaded you to say yes. You finally nodded. "Alright. You can follow me home. I'll just park and change, then I'll be back out to meet you."

"Perfect, I'll stop at my place on the way to grab a few things and meet you there." Jay smiled softly, glad you'd agreed to it.

When you got into Jay's truck outside your house, you hummed. "So, what is Hailey's crazy plan this time?"

Jay smiled and shook his head. "It's a surprise. I can't tell you yet."

You looked to him. "You're not taking me anywhere fancy, are you? Cause I dressed in sweats for a reason."

He laughed, looking over at you and grabbing your hand. "I would take you anywhere in sweats. You're beautiful no matter what."

You couldn't help but smile, bringing his hand up to your mouth and kissing his knuckles. Despite your disagreements, you loved Jay with your whole heart. No argument, despite how much it affected you, would ever change the love you held for him. He pulled your hand toward him as he drove, reciprocating the kiss to your knuckles. You smiled again, moving across the center console to lean against him. You just wanted to be close to him, and you hoped wherever he was taking you would allow you to do that.

You rode beside Jay in gentle silence for a while as he finally turned into a fast food place. You furrowed your eyebrows, sitting up in your seat and looking up at him. "A fast food place?"

"This isn't our final stop, just stay here a second." He got out of the truck, leaving you inside. Truthfully, you were fine with being in the truck as opposed to inside the store, but you missed Jay's warmth sitting beside you. In his place, you turned on the heater and let the vents circulate hot air into the car. You hummed at the warmth, closing your eyes and leaning your head back. Jay came back about ten minutes later, a bag in hand. He set it in the back set before getting in and kissing your cheek. "Alright, ready?"

"Yeah," you replied, still soaking in the heat. Jay rolled down his window, allowing you to keep the heat on while he stayed a bit cooler. You didn't mind, as it also circulated in some fresh air. It was nearly fall, so the nights were getting cooler, but not cold yet.

Some time later, you noticed Jay had taken you to the outskirts of the city. He parked his truck at a local park, away from the hustle and bustle. You furrowed your brow as he turned off the truck, the heat leaving you. You looked to him for an explanation, but he didn't say anything. He simply smiled as he got out, moving to your side to help you out (which you didn't need, but it wasn't unwelcomed). He then helped you up onto the bed of the truck, following. He had a goofy grin on his face as he laid out several pillows and blankets, enough for the both of you to be comfortable and warm. Then, he grabbed the food from the cab and laid it out, helping you to sit down. "Ta-da," he said with a small grin.

You couldn't help but smile at his smile, shaking your head. "A truck bed dinner and cuddling?"

"This way, we're alone and can eat and lay here in peace, together, but we're also not at home."

You hummed. "Hailey is a genius."

He laughed and nodded. "Yeah, she's pretty great for coming up with this one. And best part is, we can go anywhere, so I'll never get tired of being in the same place, but you'll always be comfortable."

You smiled again, this time wider. "Yeah, this is perfect."

"I'm glad you think so." He motioned to dinner. "Now eat, and then we can lay back and watch the stars."

You scooched over to be closer to him, leaning into his side as you ate, humming. "It's perfect, Jay."

He rubbed your back, kissing the top of your head. "Anything for you, beautiful."

#chicago pd #x reader #fanfiction requests #chicagopd #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead #detective jay halstead #cpd

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grimmla-arts · 4 months

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Was inspired by Wacom's most recent horror show, where they used Ai to promote their tablets. I'm really struggling to put all my thoughts down, but I really wanted to attempt to show the way Ai makes me feel. It's a false dragon.

I think I find myself increasingly disgusted by the lack of humanity demonstrated by higher ups of companies like Wacom. Their decision to include generative AI in their ad is pure madness motivated only by the desire to save a few bucks at the cost of devaluing the human experience. It would have cost them very little to have an artist draw them a fine dragon for their advertisement, but they chose to use AI. (and don't give me that bull about 'oh we didn't know it was Ai, it was a third party.' I don't believe it.)

The big question is why?

I'm not going to pretend I have the best answer, but I'm fairly certain it's because, like the people that sing Ai's praises, they really hate humanity. You'd have to in order to think it was fine to not only take someone's work, but their life's passion and put it through a meat grinder just so you can prompt product. That's all they want... product... slop for the masses. It's heartbreaking. Needless to say I won't be buying any Wacom products anymore. Shame too, I liked my tablet, now I can't touch it without thinking about the parasite that is Wacom.

Ai is such a disturbing trend. It's a terrible beast pretending to be a creation tool , but all it does is consume and regurgitate. Unable to create without scrapping millions of images and texts. It has but one goal. To get rid of you. Make no mistake, this tool was developed specifically to remove people from the equation. Why hire an artist when it's just as easy to type in a prompt? Maybe it's not as good, but its instant, its cheap. Why hire a journalist when it's faster to just prompt some popular text? It doesn't even have to be accurate... just cheap.

I'm trying not to rant about the horrors of capitalisms at this point, but X'D maybe another time.

and I know i'm kind of preaching to the choir but This year is going to be awful in regards to AI. All I can say is brace yourselves, educate your loved ones (as there's bond to be a million new ways to scam people) and give no quarter to this garbage.

#dragon art #dragon #wacom

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drowningyoursorrow · 9 months

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CULTURE OF DISHONESTY

james patrick march x gn! reader / kai anderson x gn! reader

You were married to James for as long as you could remember, before and after he built the hotel. But as time grew, you knew he fell in love with another, the Countess he called her. You heard of their dinners together, but if you left, you'd have nothing. You gave it all up for James and his dark secrets, died alongside him. What will you do now?

!!!: mentions of death, murder, cheating, minor nsfw mentions, alcohol consumption W/C: 2.5k

You've been dead for nearly a century, and most of the time the halls of the Hotel Cortez were dead silent. Besides the moments from time to time when people were being murdered, and you could hear their screams. You've grown used to it, most of the time avoiding the areas where they came from. Although you died a while back, unlike James, you decided to try to keep up with the new eras and trends. James didn't seem to mind because he told you he loved your “ivory soul” and not how you appear.

Now you just laugh at the memory of it, ever since you've heard of his affair you've been looking into it. Of course, James believed you were oblivious to his own endeavors since you don't pry into his business. You've discovered that The Countess was purely the opposite of you, she was breathtaking, but you could tell her heart was cold. At first, you were insanely jealous and cried to yourself for weeks, but now, it just feels like a light sting. Of course, you still loved James and you loathed it because your heart still yearns from him like before.

You wish you would've at least grew out of love with him over tie like he did with you, maybe replace him or something. But you can't see yourself with any man other than James, you've decided to try to be distant to help. It has been working lately, you don't feel the urge to have to see him every second of your day anymore. But you assumed that since James has to keep up his act that he's still infatuated with you, he checks up on you.

Surprisingly, he noticed that you were no longer clinging onto his arm everywhere he went. Since he usually never really did acknowledge you even when you did do that, just growing accustomed to the feeling. As you were getting prepared to head to the bar, to drink your own pitiful sorrows away. James appeared, typically he was off wooing the countess or doing his killings, you've figured out his plans to avoid him. You were wearing something on the fancier side, deciding it'd best to look expensive while you have your mental breakdown.

He halted in his steps as he studied your get-up, often you didn't wear anything fancy since it wasn't really the style anymore. You felt relieved now since you didn't blush under his gaze anymore and just gave him an unimpressed look. He strode toward where you were and stood behind you and smoothed his hands across your sides. Nuzzling his head into the side of your neck, "you look ravishing, dearest. It feels like forever since I have seen you dress so eloquently."

You felt a certain distaste in your mouth as his hands touched you, knowing that he was doing this with someone else. So, you gently removed his hands off of you and stepped away from him, still facing away. Grabbing the rest of your necessities, "thank you, James." You paused, unsure of what else to say to brush him off, "I'm sorry, but I was just heading off somewhere. Maybe we can chat when I get back, hm?"

"Well, where are you heading? Maybe I can accompany you, may I remind you, I do own this hotel. I know all the secret and wonderful places." He spoke at you eagerly, going near you once more, holding out his arm so you could take it like you'd usually do. "Yes, I know James, I was there with you. But I was looking forward to spending some time with myself." James gave you a quizzical look, confused that you rejected his offer, usually you'd take every chance to be with him.

He rested his arm back to his side, thinking, "but we haven't spent a lot of time together recently, we better catch up on the days we've missed!" He was grinning at you now, the idea of you not wanting to be with him simply not registering for him. Him mentioning that you two not spending time together humored you, he was the reason for it. Always brushing off both of yours plans to go and be with the Countess, telling you he had business to attend to. "James, maybe another night? I must be going now, I'll see you when I return."

You gave him one last glance, his eyebrows were furrowed and a frown was evident on his features. For a moment you thought he looked, hurt, upset even. The idea made you laugh, surely he wouldn't be, he had no right to be. With that, you slammed the door and headed off to your destination, trying to stop the unconscious tears welling up in your eyes. "You're just being ridiculous, he doesn't care."

You made your way to the bar, it was empty as usual, and so you situated yourself more in the front. Liz knew of your current predicament and only could pity you, never bothering you when you did drunkenly sob about it. She gave you your usual bourbon before asking, "what happened this time, sweetie?" "You know, he pretended to care and acted sad when I didn't want to spend time with him. Like as if he wasn't blowing me off, so he could go be with her." You chugged the drink, the strong taste not bothering you, but there was a faint sting.

Although you've been trying not to bother yourself with your feelings of the situation, it still always made your heart squeeze. "Why does he even still try? Why can't he just go and tell me he doesn't want me anymore? Just give me some piece of mind." "Maybe you keep him grounded? You did stick by his side with everything, so if you were to just be gone it would feel… Unnatural. He never did like anything out of order." You chugged more of the bourbon she gave you, looking at the liquid, laughing that you were drinking his drink.

You were always a lightweight, no matter how much you'd drink, and how you never got used to how strong the liquid was. You rested your head on your hand as you stared at the empty glasses, "Him cheating on me is out of order, like if I had the guts I'd like to punch him or something." Liz smirked at your remark, before noticing someone take a seat at the bar. You slumped over and buried your head in your arms, hearing the faint voice of a man beside you.

In your hazy mind you thought of the affair, deciding if he's cheating on you, maybe you can cheat on him. That'll give him a reason to end it with you, since you were too scared to do it yourself. You peeked up to stare at the mysterious man, he was fairly lean but muscular. He was the opposite of James, and it enticed you, he had blue hair that hung above his shoulders. He sported a gray turtleneck paired with a black leather coat.

Unusual, but you had no right to judge, you look like you just attended the met gala. He had an intense gaze before he flicked his eyes at you, you didn't flinch. So you two just stared at each other, him sipping his drink as you both studied one another. It looked like he was judging your outfit as well, looking up at you with a really? look. You grinned and nodded your head sheepishly, he shifted to the seat right next to you and looked down at you.

"What's with the formal wear?" He spoke in a teasing tone yet it sounded soft and gruff at the same time. He was smiling at you amused, "well, just felt the need to look exquisite while I get insanely drunk. The usual." He laughed at your response, shaking his head as he chugged the rest of his drink. "What's with you? You look like you're about to mug someone."

You hiccuped while you giggled at yourself, but his gaze shifted to something serious as he looked at you. Before switching back to charming, "maybe I am?" "Wait wait, no offense, but why are you in a hotel like this? You look like a motel type of person." "Looked shady from the outside, so I went in, and it was the opposite. Got tricked, I guess?" You furrowed your brows, you haven't really seen the outside of the place in a while, being dead and all.

He looked at you some more, although you're dressed normally, he had a sense that you were different. You wore your hair old timely and had a bit of an accent to you, like those people in those old Hollywood films. "I'm Y/N by the way, in case you were wondering." You interrupted him, he was looking at you too much, your tone was sluggish yet serious in a way. "I'm Kai, Kai Anderson."

He brought his hand out to you, you shook it firmly, giggling because you haven't done that in a while. He seemed amused at your drunken state of mind, "do you live here, or?" "Hm, yeah, been staying here for a while. Wouldn't recommend." "Then why are you still here?" "Commitment, I am no quitter." He didn't look satisfied with your answer, looking frustrated for a quick second before he smiled at you.

"I was actually planning on to stay here for a while, you want to show me all the good spots?" You smiled at that, you two were unconsciously leaning against each other, you just now noticed. So you shifted back to your original spot, Kai giving you a confused look but not saying anything. "Yeah, I can, I know all the juicy spots." "Juicy?" "Isn't that like... a slang?" "Not anymore."

You cringed at yourself, maybe you need to reeducate yourself again. "Well, I know some pretty amazing spots, nice and quiet." He hummed at your response, swigging one last drink before he stood up. "Maybe when you're sober." With that, he headed to the elevators, giving you one last wave before he was gone.

You cheekily smiled at yourself, feeling accomplished, feeling Liz's eyes on you, looking impressed. You felt smug and sloppily sat up, walking to the elevator in unsteady steps. Waving at her and stepping into the elevator. You made your way to yours and James room, opening it, surprised to see him sitting at his desk.

Usually he was gone whenever you returned from whatever you were doing, if he did come back it was only for a second. You ignored him and made your way to the bed and flopped down on your back, feeling the sheets. You wonder if he ever brought her back here, using his suite to woo her, or something. You heard him stand up, making his way over to you to tower over you as he studied your drunken state. "My beloved, were you at the bar?"

You pretended to think, "why yes, James, twas at the bar. Where else would I go?" He studied you once more, you both knew that you only drank whenever you were upset. But he decided not to say anything and sat next to you, "Is something the matter? You've been shaking me off lately." You thought of his question, yes, yes there is a problem, you're cheating on me, so I'm drinking to not think about it. "No, not at all. All is swell."

You giggled to yourself as you kicked your shoes off, knowing your answer was agitating him. "Who were you with at the bar?" You stilled, although you weren't doing anything wrong, the way he asked you bothered you. His tone was stern, and you knew if you looked at him, he would have his souless stare. There would be no use in lying, he had eyes everywhere, but he wouldn't really watch over you.

Suddenly sober, you asked, "what do you mean?" "You know what I mean." "No, James, I do not, elaborate." "I saw you at the bar with someone. A strange looking man to be exact." "He's not strange, and why are you watching me?"

The question made James falter and he seemed to be thinking, "well, you being curt earlier had me worried so I went to see what you were doing." "Oh my god, you stalked me." "No, I wasn't stalking you, I was just checking to see if you were alright and safe." "That's what a stalker would say." "No matter that, what were you doing with him?"

"Drinking, I was alone, and he randomly showed up and talked to me, we're drinking buddies now." "Well quit it." You sat up with him, scooting away from him as you glared at him. He was avoiding your gaze, but he looked equally frustrated with you as you were with him. "Quit what exactly, James? Drinking with someone? You do it all the time, why can't I?"

"It's different." "How is it different, James? Hm? Am I only supposed to drink with you now? I want you to know how unfair that is." He flicked his glare toward you but kept his temper, "It's business matters that's why, and he was flirting with you!" "No he wasn't! You know what I can't with you, I am tired." You weren't, but you needed to get your point across, "we can talk about this tomorrow."

James looked as if he was going to protest but held his tongue watching you curl away from him on the bed. Not bothering to change, his expression saddened as he laid down beside you. Not changing, either, he faced away from you on the bed. You felt bad for having him worried, but you wanted him to feel how you’ve felt for the past months. "Goodnight James, I love you."

There was no response, only a huff, and with that you closed your eyes as tears began to fall. The feeling of your failed marriage finally hitting you and James secluded life from you. Maybe Kai could help you tomorrow, you felt comfort with the stranger as you thought of tomorrow. You still silently cried because you could feel the remaining love that bloomed for James, no matter what. What you didn't know was James could feel you crying next to him, but his pride held him back from saying anything.

As he finally felt you fall to rest, he sat up and stared down at your sleeping figure, holding empathy and guilt. He knew he had no right to be upset with who you were talking to. The guilt soon finally hit as he curled himself next to you, recalling all the times he blew you off to be with someone else. The times he would lay with her because of her beauty, but your warmth was different from hers, he felt more safe and secure, but he was in too deep.

"Goodnight dearest, I love you too."

..............................................................................................................................

- Had to make a story with both of my favorites - Possibly going to make more parts (I'm lying) - Not proofread in any way - The titles not a song, just a creative saying I saw

Hope you enjoyed and if you have any requests or questions please dm!

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kedreeva · 1 year

Note

hi Ked! hope the snakewatching is going well. I've been meaning to ask, because I know you've been writing fanfiction for quite a while: do you ever feel as though community engagement has trended down over the years? and if so, do you have any advice for fighting the feeling that you're wasting your time/energy for a silent audience that just consumes and moves on?

I think it has, but I think it hasn't. But I think our perspective on it has changed, vastly.

The thing is, fandom back in the day was just plain old smaller and more tightly-knit by necessity. Before the net was so big, spaces we could go were limited, mostly fan-controlled, often difficult to find, sometimes clunky to use if you were learning (waving at IRC, hello, I hate you still), and due to all of this were often just... smaller. You could know MOST of the people in a fandom space. You had some degree of genial relationship with readers because you talked to them. Archives outside of ff.net were common, curated spaces with amounts of fic that were relatively consumable in total, as in you could go to a fan-run archive, read every piece of fiction there, and then have to find a new one, which probably had at least some of the same fic on it. Even ff.net, a lot of the fandoms present in the early days it was just like. you had 20 fics, you had 100 fics, whatever the number was, and because the spaces were small and the population online was smaller than now, there just... weren't enough creators to constantly have access to new fic or art. I remember waiting for archives to update their collections because most of them you couldn't just add your work to yourself. And I remember that the best way to encourage that to happen faster was to go and get the creator worked up/excited about their thing again by talking to them about it.

Now, fandom is easily accessible. Now, there are platforms all over the place. If you don't like the section of fandom you're in, it's easy to find another, even within the same platform. Don't like this part of tumblr? Block some people and follow others. Don't like this discord server? leave and join a different one (or make one). Don't like twitter/instagram/tiktok/tumblr/livejournal/wattpad/pillowfort/whatever the fuck other platform? Try a different one!

I am grateful for this sprawl. I'm grateful for fandom being easy for everyone to access, for it being so much easier to find somewhere you can settle and have others who like things you like. I think everyone should have a home.

But that does mean sometimes fandom spreads thin. It does mean that instead of 100 creators, there could be a thousand. There could be two thousand. And instead of one place to find it all, there's a gabillion.

But... the amount of story and art a single human being is physically capable of finding and interacting with (reading, viewing, commenting on etc) hasn't gone up. I can only read at the pace I read at, same for anyone. The fandom I'm in has created AT LEAST 29,000 works in the last 11 months, on one platform (AO3). That's almost 90 fics a day for 11 months. And I know for a fact that not all of the stuff that's been written gets posted there, that's just the stuff I KNOW for SURE has been written since a specific date because I searched a character tag for a character that didn't exist before a certain date.

I don't know about you, but I'm not Readers Georg. I can't engage with every fic in a fandom anymore. I can't even engage with a tenth of the fic in fandom anymore just to purely read it, and by the time I'm done reading one, there's 7 more to take its place.

So, I don't think engagement has trended downward so much as I think it's spread out as fandom spreads out. I think it's more important now than it was before, to try to actively engage with creators, because of this. And I think it's important for creators to try to engage back, too. But I also know it's impossible to go back to how things were, and impossible to make a large fandom behave the way a small fandom did. I also also know that if you ever go into a small fandom, like a rarepair, you will almost certainly see an echo of the past with regards to engagement. I wrote a couple things for small fandoms more recently, and because they have far, far less fic available, they seemed to comment more on what was there. They engaged in community ways, going back and forth in comments instead of just "good job""thanks" the end. they have more time for it. A small enough fandom may go days or weeks without new fic, leaving them time to do those sorts of things, without the fear they're missing out on one of today's 90+ fics.

I can't offer any kind of quick fix, because I don't think it's necessarily broken. But I can say that you should always try to be the change you want to see. When you read something, leave the kind of comment you'd want to get. There's another fic around the corner, yes, but you can't read 90+ fics a day for 11 months straight. And neither can anyone else, and remembering that might put it into perspective.

If you want community, read the OTHER COMMENTS when you read stuff, and engage with the other readers; if anything, THAT is the major missing factor in this day... readers engaging each other over fan creations, rather than just creator-> consumer or consumer-> creator. The most fun i ever had writing on AO3 was when I was writing Siren's Song and readers started talking to each other in the comments about what would happen. A whole little community sprung up around readers talking to each other about what happened after one of my other fics ended. I think that's a missing element that often goes unspoken, and maybe that could help a lot if you feel like the audience is silent. Maybe they are. Maybe they don't know it's okay to talk to each other, too. Go into the audience and make some noise.

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colesluvr · 10 months

Note

It's me again here to request some more platonic ninja 🤭

Can I request ninja and male best friend reader headcanons

Pretty please with cherries on top ( I'm so sorry for that ) 💖

Hope you day it amazing as always

Best Friends | All Ninja x Male Reader (Platonic)

hello!! tysm for this request, i would die to be best friends with them !! really hope you enjoy this, sorry if it seems short 💔

KAI ★

dumbass duo

both of you pull all-nighters

they can either end of successful, or a certain master wu doubling your training times because you decided to stay up late, telling him you weren't tired.

you steal his hair gel, and he beats your ass if he catches you in the process of taking it.

when you do take it without him noticing, he just always glares at you because he knows you stole it.

he never understood why?

was it just to piss him off?

cuz what type of friend doesn't piss their other friend off for fun?

karoke nights>>

you and kai verese everyone else.

you decides who solo's that :)

kai starts food fights, but you finish them.

when you both were younger, every thing was a challenge between you both.

guess some people never change

COLE ★

you tried to teach the poor man how to bake :(

ended with you both getting a scolding by zane.

worth it, you were able to have a food fight.

although you lost because cole is basically a master at dodging, it was still fun.

you both go on walks to pastery shops and see who will pay for what.

rock, paper, sisscors, SHOOT ,, cole's paying today.

he helps you train, alothough it ends with you slamming your face into the ground most of the time he tries to help where he can.

sleepovers at your place>> sharing a room with the guys

you and him put on face masks bc cole wanted to.

surpirsinly it helped you both relax :)

tried to cook you lunch bc he was sick and tired of you making fun of him not being able to cook, and the next minute later firefighters were knocking at your front doors bc your nieghbor's could smell the smoke.

you never allow him in the kitchen alone anymore.

gives the best hugs.

it's like hugging a teddy bear, only it's cole.

JAY ★

i see the both of you doing the dumbest of tiktok trends together.

your dating kai, right,, and you snuck into the bathroom durning his shower with a bucket of cold water and poured it over the curtains.

jay was outside the room recording the noise, quickly running away with you hearing your boyfriend's (kai's) girly scream.

you both get scary durning video games.

you both could just be cussing at each other while the others are in the back with zane covering lloyd's ears, and cole covering zane's ears. both kai abd nya don't care, just don't rip each other's throats out.

he likes to go outside with you and chat about your day. it ends with you both laughing because while talking jay ran into a tree and fell onto you, both of you hitting the floor.

ypu both have blackmail photo's of each other you both just like to show the others.

you both go down for midnight snacks, running into lloyd who is just sitting at the kitchen table with a stash of candy. you all have a routine now.

cole sometimes comes down, but kai neevr does because he's not dealing you you four at 12 at night, that's not what he signed up for.

you both like arts and crafts, but jay is always the one to drag you into them.

ZANE ★

you: run's into the road without looking

zane: grabs your collor and pulls you back

thats how all great friendshios start (i should know, ahem)

you both like to take walks,, anywhere! you don't need to be going anywhere you can literally just walk in a straight line and you'll both be lost in conversation.

always asks if you'd eaten, drank water, and got a good nights rest.

he does this for everyone, actually.

you introduced him to ':)' '<3' :0' ':l" texting, and he now does it on a daily basis.

you both cook together, and you start food fights with him.

makes you laugh without even trying <33

you take snapchat photos because he loves them. you snapped a picture of him, and showed him his filtered picture.

makes you go to sleep and wake up at proper times.

loves dancing with you, just dance is something he may be bad at but he loves the time with you.

once you danced straight into a wall, and you both kinda stopped because he's gotten worried about you.

LLOYD ★

you both share a snack stash with your favorite chocolates and candies.

you both stay up late.

plays video games 24/7.

you and him go on midnight runs because you both love the aesthetic of the night.

you both train together, and make bets.

you steal eahc others candies.

sleepovers>>

movie nights>>

you comfort him when he's upset about his father, and he returns the same comfort to you when you need it.

loves you like a brother.

gets angry when you get hurt in battle

single pringles

y/n: he asked for no pickles!

lloyd: y/n...

you both don't really like parties, so you stay home together and have sleepovers.

a/n: guys, i want to start posting my ninjago headcanons ,, do you guys even want to see them?

#lego ninjago #ninjago #lego ninjago x reader #ninjago x reader #x reader #ninjago kai #ninjago jay #ninjago lloyd #ninjago zane #ninjago cole #platonic x reader #x you #platonic #ninjago imagine #x male y/n #colesluvr writes ★

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1863-project · 6 months

Text

I am, admittedly, very, very tired.

Fandom was a safe space for me growing up in the 2000s. I turned 14 in 2003, and I was spending a lot of my spare time online at the time because it was a place that people accepted me. I liked that it wasn't too fast-paced, and I liked that I was allowed to be weird there. I got to just be me, no judgment. For an undiagnosed autistic kid, that was revolutionary. It was a subculture, to be sure - we had to keep things quiet because in real life we were mocked for liking things, and this was an era where people sometimes did get fired for writing fanfiction off the clock. But it was safer than my real life, where I was being bullied constantly to the point of permanent trauma.

Fandom isn't like that anymore, because capitalism found us.

At some point, people realized they could make serious money off of fandom, and it became an industry. Fandom changed with it, and not necessarily in good ways. There were, of course, some good things - it was easier to get good merch for a lot of things, for one - but the cultural shift from smaller, more subcultural spaces into the mainstream has ultimately changed the culture of fandom in ways that have harmed creators. Fandom went from being about creating to being about consuming. Things are now moving so quickly that fic writers and artists can't keep up with fans' demands. If you're late to a meme by a week, you're "too late." And it's not a subculture anymore, either - it's mainstream. The things we were actually made fun of for liking are now cool to like, which in some ways is nice but in other ways feels weird, because now our safe spaces are dealing with an influx of people, many of whom were actually the people who made fun of us in the first place.

This isn't to say that fandom was all rosy when I was a kid. There were a lot of issues, it could get really cliquey, and there was a lot of drama, as you'd expect from fandom spaces. But it was still more of a place where you could explore yourself and who you were instead of a place where you had to police your own behavior because people were watching and waiting to go after you for any perceived mistake. You didn't have to be pure and perfect. You didn't have to keep up with trends constantly. You were allowed to go years between fic updates, and people were just excited to get an update instead of acting entitled for one after a week of no updates.

I love talking about things I like with my friends, and I generally do so in small Discord servers these days, because it's the closest thing to what I grew up with. In those spaces, we can discuss things seriously and in funny ways, and we can safely be critical of trends in fandom spaces, like racism and ableism, that have permeated modern fandom more than ever. They were always there, but as fandom becomes more of a reflection of mainstream society than ever, prejudices become more and more obvious in these spaces. People don't like it when you point these things out, though, because they're stuck in that idea of having to be perfect, because they don't want to be called out.

The fact of it all is this: fandom is now just a reflection of mainstream culture, because that's what it's become. It isn't a subculture anymore. And it looks just like regular culture, with all the sexism, homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableism, ageism, etc. that you'd see there. These are all topics worth going into in depth, and they're all things to be aware of. Depicting things and characters thoughtfully goes a long way for people - even if you're fixing canon because God knows canon itself is also deeply reflective of these things. Stories are a product of the society they're written in, after all.

I decided to start looking into ableism in fandom specifically because I'm autistic and certain tropes actively harm people like me and perpetuate prejudices against autistic people, but there's so much to be gleaned from disability and fandom beyond autism. If you're disabled yourself or have disabled friends or family members or other people you care about, you've probably seen something that rubbed you the wrong way or felt uncomfortable at some point (mental illness is especially deeply stigmatized in society and is treated accordingly in both canon and fanon). There's just so much to talk about and this is only scratching the surface.

But right now, I'm tired and I'm angry that the space that has been there for me my entire life, the space that was a place I could safely be myself, has become what it has and has essentially pushed me out - of a space I was helping build in my younger years. That shit hurts. I can't go home anymore, and it really, really stings. I'm building new homes with new, safe friends, of course, but to know I can't go back to what I had just...it's really hurting me right now.

I know I just have to move forward, but I think it's important for me to acknowledge the anger and mourning I've been dealing with, too.

#my life is so exciting

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strxwbloody · 1 year

Text

GHOUL IN THE BOX | Ch. 1

TAGLIST : @izz3l @honeym0chi @lohsna @writersblockk @kthyg @thelazylemur @asahi-namikaze @addictedtohobi

Summary: Seoul has been invaded in recent years by ghouls, demons with humanoid features that feed on human flesh. The CCG has introduced a curfew for human citizens to avoid losing their skin. What happens when a girl finds herself in an underground pub in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Pairing: Ghoul SS+ Hoseok x Human Reader

Genre: Horror

Warnings:Just a murder

Rating: 18+ PLEASE MINORS DON'T INTERACT

Words: Short

"Another murder case, this time in the university area of Hongdae, human remains of a boy and a girl were found, most likely by a ghoul. But we’re not sure if there’s a ghoul behind it that’s causing panic these days. A ghoul yet to be identified and yet to be ascertained if it is a higher class category. The CCG will try to investigate the matter. As far as we know about the victims, they were a couple of 20-year-old college students found near a not-so-popular pub. The injuries are the usual signs of struggle, bites and mutilation of certain parts of the body. We offer our deepest condolences to the family and friends of these young people. We recommend that you return soon-"

"Return soon to your homes etc.. etc..." sigh. "How many times have I heard it." You finally get bored by turning off the radio from the counter.

Each time it was so, various murders, bloodshed, carnage and frightened humans who had to return home early to avoid being eaten by these dreaded monsters and blah blah. Not to mention that now there was the new trend of this new "killer". Magnificent, simply magnificent.

Nothing surprises you anymore.

At the time there were no customers, just the background music of some random rock song that infuses in the store and yourself. You rejoiced at the thought of this moment finally, until you looked at the watch on your wrist.

18:13

In a few minutes, you could finally get home. Throw yourself in a hot shower that would soothe muscle pain, listen to music, read a good book, and eat the long-awaited boring noodles and cheap bibimbap you bought in the market on the other block. You admit that this routine had become boring, but what could you do? Until things got worse with these monsters, you couldn’t do much.

Hours were down for curfew, and salaries weren’t as good for work as yours. Of course, who bought CDs at 10:00 p.m.? Certainly no one, but you didn’t complain.

At least you earned money and set them aside out of necessity, without depending on anyone, especially an apprehensive person like your father.

But let’s put that aside.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell. You turn over distraught and exhausted. A sigh came out. "I'm sorry, I have to inform you that we are going to close- ISEUL? What the hell are you doing here?" You watched the newcomer break into the store, showing a 32-tooth smile.

Gosh, you should have put on sunscreen and a pair of sunglasses, blindingly. "Y/N! YOU WON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!" She screamed happily jumping to the counter. "Shh, keep your voice down, or he’ll kick our asses." You whispered, showing her the owner who looked at them, reading his stupid newspaper.

"Tsk!"

"Oh... well here I found these in the mailbox." She pulled out of the ticket bag. "So what?"

"Apparently it’s a private party, only a few people get it! And that’s for you!"

"Hey, who told you I was coming? And you know what my dad’s like... why don’t you go with your boyfriend instead?"

"That son of a bitch? Forget it, after what he did to me a week ago, leaving me for another girl." He clenched his fists, looking down.

Understanding your friend’s pain, you pat her on the back. "Okay, I’ll go with you." At that answer the good mood returned on her face. "For what day and what time?"

"Tonight!"

Open your eyes wide. "Tonight?! Iseul, you know there’s a curfew and my father will never let me out"

"I know, I know... but fuck Y/n, all you do is work so hard and you’re always barricaded at home. So you just neglect yourself! You deserve to have fun."

"What if my father finds out about me? Damn it, that day I refused to share the rent with you." You really love your dad, but you just can’t stand him.

"Do you realize that now?" She raises her eyebrow, mocking you.

"Are you done?" You slap her arm and make her laugh, already with the shoulder bag ready to get out of the store. "Mr. Yoo, I’m going home. I’ll see you on Monday." All I get is a "Mh!" And close the door, going out with your friend.

"Try to make up an excuse to come, do like in college, sneak out the window!" She delivers you the ticket. "Are you crazy, are you suggesting to kill myself?" Take a look at the piece of paper.

The schedule said the party would start at 10:30 and the place...

An unusual place for a party....

The old Hogupo subway station.

-----

I'M SO SORRY GUYS, I HAD A PROBLEM WITH CONNECTION AND TRANSLATION (Sorry I'm not english mother tongue :c) PLEASE FORGIVE ME. It's my first time that I write a ff, be patient I will promise you the chapters will be long🫶🥹

Bye

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after-witch · 7 months

Note

Okay, hold on because this?

You’re spitting nothing but facts. I’ve said this exact same thing on both of my previous blogs (not this one, not yet xmdkxkdnd) about how x reader just was not a thing in Ye Fandom of Olde. I don’t know if people really believe me or if I just sound like a hunch backed crone standing on her front porch waving her cane at the neighborhood kids, yelling at them to appreciate what they’ve got because back in my day … but it really was such an incredibly different landscape. There are certain aspects of it that I miss for sure and others I’m glad to leave in the past.

The completely random conversations between the author and the character(s) among them, GOD, the way that still activates every single one of my cringe reflexes. 😂 Actually my all time favorite fic had those for the first dozen or so chapters, but she thankfully left them in the fore and afterword, not haphazardly placed in the fic itself, so it was easy to ignore haha. I can laugh at it and maybe even look back at it fondly, but I don’t think I want that particular trend to make a comeback any time soon xmxmdnd

It’s kind of surreal in a way, finding someone who knows exactly what I’m talking about and sharing that mutual experience. I know there have to be more of us out there but I feel like a good chunk of them have probably moved on from anime fandom content so I’m very glad to have found you like this. 💕

I unfortunately got busy with one of my own projects yesterday and didn’t get a chance to read anymore of your stuff, but I’m really looking forward to diving in once I’m done. When I tell you I am 👀 eyeballing the hell out of your Sesshomaru fics cmdkxmdmd

Also, if I may ask, are you by any chance a fan of Yu Yu Hakusho? 🥹

"I don’t know if people really believe me or if I just sound like a hunch backed crone standing on her front porch waving her cane at the neighborhood kids, yelling at them to appreciate what they’ve got because back in my day … but it really was such an incredibly different landscape."

We can both be crones, in that case! But no, I completely get what you're saying. It was SO different. I am genuinely appreciative of the fact that "reader fic" is so popular and the distaste I see for it is mainly "it's clogging up the regular tags" rather than the absolute nastiness that used to be associated with any OCs or inkling of "hey I like these characters, wouldn't it be neat if they wanted me?"

OCs in general were considered taboo enough, but reader fic was just… not a "thing" back in the early 2000s, really, not in the style we know it today. When second person was used, it was usaully meant to be stylized (rather than today where the intent of second person is "reader fic," to pull the reader into the story in a different, visceral way) and second person fics would fall into the OC bucket.

Gosh on that note, I remember "Mary Sue Hunter" groups that would find any OCs on ye olde fanfiction.net and leave reviews with forms to determine how much of a "Mary Sue" someone's OC was.

If you were going to attempt an OC, it felt like you had to make them Super Super Boring and Normal and Ordinary and No Actual Characters Ever Fell in Love with Them (except maybe non-important side characters) in order to get people to leave you alone.

Not that there's anything wrong with writing characters who are ordinary but it rarely felt it was an organic decision from the authors, but rather a reflection of what was "okay" to write.

Fandom is so different now. As you said, there's some things I miss ("don't like, don't read" and "you're responsible for what you read" being the standard etiquette, for one...) but plenty that I don't, too.

Also, if I may ask, are you by any chance a fan of Yu Yu Hakusho?

Yessss. I love it. I have so many discarded OCs from my teenage years from YYH, they were all ridiculously self-indulgent ofc. I do want to at some point write a few yandere YYH characters, but I haven't gotten any inspiration for it yet.

#I have a lot of random old vs new fandom thoughts lol #like oldschool 2005-2010 kingdom hearts fandom could not exist today because of how attitudes towards writing certain characters has change #or how there sure were a LOT of teenage girls & women making anime fanpages with games that let you torture female characters to death

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frostbite-the-bat · 2 months

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no but genuinely. i love shadow filbo dearly. he means a lot to me.

he marks a time for me where i began embracing what i like just... for the sake of it!

he embodies the things that inspired me to draw online in the first place. hell, sparklecat characters with bangs have made me stop cutting my hair. i haven't cut my hair properly since. just because i wanted the same bangs, not knowing how hair works. now i have what is best described as messy fluttershy hair. to many people just how long my hair is, is what defines me when they see me and my hair is in a way special to me.

and again - he was what inspired me to draw. in class i'd be drawing my own sparklecats at the age of like 8, with bangs and wings and little companions that sit on clouds that rain hearts. (and bolts and skulls when ANGRY!)

i put rainbows on everything. i thought nyan cat was the embodiment of everything good in the world. i listened to nightcore versions of songs only. i say, as i am listening to nightcore, right now.

because of all these old classic animation memes and sparklefurs and silly scene and emo song flash animations i'd find... i'd pick up ms paint and draw. i imagined just how i'd animate, finding even the simplest methods absolutely mesmerising. there is something to be said about me being this young with internet access - because it very much so had it's negative effects. not me watching fetish videos at the age of 8 just because it had pokemon in it. yea that did not have any lasting effects.

but despite all this shit - it raised me! and even just a few years later... like.. 2015 when i began posting online on deviantart for the first time, not being just a lurker... learning how The Computer works better - not only drawing on paper anymore and gaining more and more interest towards digital art... i was already nostalgic towards these earlier days. but still living IN it, y'know?

just having fun, doing my own thing! isn't that what art is all about?

well. then the cringe culture nation attacked. severe bullying at school. and in general, just shame - which i am still fighting in certain aspects. but it's a bit more complicated than just "shame". (more so fear of Things.)

i'd look back at things with either genuine "cringe" or a distaste. how DARE these people have fun? because deep down, i was simply jealous.

if i was going to reference anything old like this, like classic animation memes, it was framed as "JOKE" "NOT SERIOUS" because i feared i would be harassed, made fun of, or people would thing THAT is the best of my artistic abilities. but... it's not like that.

and now, more and more people are embracing this. and it makes me so happy. and shadow filbo helped me fight off these fears a lot and just let me love what i love and be myself.

maybe it's not an ""aesthetic"" that completely defines me, maybe it IS a tik tok trend to do nowadays - but i don't care. without any of this i wouldn't be here. those were my first inspirations. silly colorful cats animated to crunchy mp3s of songs using movie maker and 3 (three!) frames drawn in ms paint. it had so much charm. it had so much genuinity. and i could feel it even back then.

without it i might've not been here as i am now. there are so many things that go into this, of course. but i simply would not be the exact way i am. and i dunno. that's something to think about.

thank you so much, shadow filbo. one "mistake" with you i've had was thinking i should be a good creator of something and respond to every fan and fanart, which only stressed me out. i have... opinions! about being recognized in various places and, as some dub, a "NICHE INTERNET MICROCELEBRITY" (nothing against you fox </3).... yeah! not a fan.

another mistake was dubbing him as a "joke" always. and... he is! he is humorous! i am a jokey person! i like crunchy shitposts! i like being the reason people laugh! i will go to certain levels to even ridicule myself just for the bit, and i don't mind it. i'm hyper(active) and i am just a jokey person, that's that. but... him being called a joke was honestly just a shield from people taking him too seriously.

if people were to mock me for being nostalgic for nightcore, and rainbows, and edgy amvs, sparkledogs, scene culture and clothes, rave songs... all this!

but... no! people loved it! people loved it so much, it moved THEM to create art!

me, referencing things that made ME inspired to draw all those years ago - then inspired OTHERS to draw other things. to embrace themselves. to have fun. to connect.

it means so much to me. it's a bit odd to comprehend, too.

but it means the world to me. sorry if i am ever annoying about shadow filbo, and is often the first thing i bring up when bugsnax is brought up - but he is the highlight of my experience with bugsnax.

thank you so much, shadow filbo. and me and my wretched little claws, of course. for making them. and those that inspired me. those old friends i lost along the way, too. and those, that inspired those that inspired me. and so forth.

thank you.

#shadow filbo #important #<- i just don't want to lose this mess of a ramble.#i could add so #so much #but i'm not going to otherwise i'd have several long tangents. especially mixing like. queerness and growing up trans and a furry and then #nonhuman shit into this #and the bullying thing. and being in a country thats... yea. where theres even less people like you #finding a home in places like this. yeah. (happy kinda yea)

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astralwaifu · 9 months

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Hi! Hi! Hi!!!

Remember me? It's the one who encouraged to do the genshin character compatibility trend i have been dying to do! Unfortunately, i couldn't find the person who i saw started this trend so here i am in your ask box doing this. So i guess you know how this thing works- like you send three characters to see your compatibility with, and then you send a little bit of info about yourself such as personality and hobbies. I love that trend so much and as much as i wanna stay sane, i wanna know if my favorites will actually match or vibe with me ehehehehe-

So anyways! Let's start!!!

Characters : Pantalone, Venti, and Diluc!!! My favorites!!!

Apperance (ft. Picrew) :

About me : So technically, i am currently a drained out student (and help me school starts soon), but i am studious and hardworking! My problem is, i cannot seem to focus on one topic at a time and i ended up forgetting things. I don't socialize much, yet i would always greet people with a smile. But i never had anyone else to share what i have on my mind (usually books and my own ideas) and i tend to overshare and sometimes change the topic that it gets all too confusing. I only have two hobbies, reading and listening to music. And i pretty much wanna stay indoors all the time and then be alone in a pretty, fairy-tale like place in nature sometimes. I am very much clingy, and somewhat get attached way too easily. And yes i do require headpats and cuddles because i never got any affection. And i get easily irritated and when i am pissed i get too far, sometimes. Yet i just want cuddles and affection because i am lonely, lol. Oh and i love stuffed animals and books and sweet-scented perfume as an addition. Also i have a fear of spiders, i pray at least someone can get rid of them for me. That is all ✨️✨️✨️

Author’s note: Heyya! Sorry it took a couple days, I got my nails done and can’t type as fast as before! We changed Pantalone with Welt from HSR, because for some unknown reason I can’t write him. Anywaaay, I hope you’ll enjoy this! Sending all my hugs to u. <3

Venti

I have a strong feeling that his outer persona is your inner one, so you sort of complete eachother in a way none of you really expected.

Although it would take a while to get used to his extrovert self, since you seem to be pretty much introvert, the moment you decide you are comfortable enough you’ll see a big change. Meaning - EXPECT UNENDING AFFECTION AND CUDDLES!!!

I swear Venti wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of you - always needs to give you reassurance and to have you close to him. Would totally do the thing where he squeezes your hand three times to silently tell you he loves you.

Would show you the most beautiful views in Mondstadt, he knows every place worth seeing and knows which one will leave you absolutely breathless.

Whether you like it or not, he will sing to you all the time. You like a certain song? Expect to hear to it singed by Venti for the next two weeks, until you physically can’t listen to it anymore.

A small issue would be that he constantly need to be around people, to interact and be present, which you’ll find a little tiring. Loves to annoy you too so he could get a reaction out of you. Don’t worry tho, he will never cross your boundaries!

Overall, on a scale from one to ten, I’d give your compatibility an 8.5 .

Diluc

The moment I finished reading about you I immediately thought that Diluc is the one.

It’s just that the two of you are fairly similar, both in the way you are around others (although you are quite a pleasant presence, Diluc is just more grumpy) and in the way you share the same wish in your heart - to be loved by someone, held amd cherished despite your flaws.

And I can say that the two of you do a pretty good job at that. Main love language between you is physical touch, since both of you are touch starved. When you are around others PDA is kept to the minimum, but when the two of you are alone HE WILL BE ON YOU ALWAYS! Holding your hand absolutely everywhere you go in the Dawn Winery and around its domain, random back hugs and normal hugs, headpats whenever he sees you around the house.

Also kisses on the crown of your head and forehead (they are Diluc’s favourite form of intimacy), which make you feel so special and seen.

He will always find time for you despite his busy schedule. His favourite activity together is reading in silence next to eachother, shoulders touching, but each doinh his own thing. He is the type of person that would put your legs over his during this to help you sitt mor comfortable. You will absolutely fall asleep in his lap like that.

Carries you to bed when that happens - no one can change my mind !!!

The two of you strike me as that couple that doesn’t really fight and not because you ignore your problems. You really don’t have reasons to fight.

Did I mention you will never have to worry about bugs again? :)

He is THE MAN - 10/10 compatibility.

Welt

Loves to take care of you in any possible way he can. Mans just trying to make you feel as safe and as comfortable as he can. He loves you too much to have you feeling bad about yourself or lonely.

Indulges in all your little habits such as going rants whenever you find something you love. He’s listening to every word carefully, absorbing information. You will maybe think he doesn’t care, but in the next couple days you will find a lot of things related to your new book or idea in your room on the Astral Express.

He’s more mature and a big stand-offish, so expect cuddles only when you request them or really really need them. Doesn’t really initiate this kind of things. You will however have your hand held and head pat by him at all times.

Saved you more than once from Himeko’s bad tasting coffee.

His main love language would be quality time, you will find yourself sitting next to him anytime, anywhere, each doing his own thing.

Whenever the Astral Express stops on a new planet for a trailblazing expedition, he will take you on cute dates and a walk in the nature.

He gives me a 7 vibe. Maybe 7.5-8.

And little note to u : all of them would find you absolutely beautiful because, honestly, who wouldn’t?

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail #venti #venti x reader #diluc ragnvindr #diluc x reader #welt yang #welt x reader

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zukosdualdao · 16 days

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Im glad to read the takes of a fellow zuko stan :)

Honestly, it feels like people just hate on him way too much lately. The posts ive seen on twitter, on tik tok, on tumblr... Do people just not like him anymore? Why did everyone turn against him so suddenly? I've been hoping it's something temporary, just a trend, but. I don't know anymore. People mock his disability, spit on his trauma, wish death on him and interpret everything he says or does in the worst possible way. I saw someone crying about how entitled he was because he took aang's seat when watching the play just the other day lmao. Another person wrote about how mysoginistic he was because he didn't remember katara's name when asking about kya's death to sokka? There are those who even call him a colonizer on the same level as iroh lmao. It seems their justifications for all the salt they throw his way are along the lines of "he's been loved for too long, aang stans have suffered way more, people just watched the show again and realized how bad he actually was, he's catching strays since his fans keep setting him up, his fans paint him as perfect and erase every bad thing he's done" etc etc. I'm all for criticism and deeper character analysis, but this is just said in bad faith. I also think it has a bit to do with how different engagement has become in fandom spaces recently (things people support in fiction need to be morally correct) and well, zuko was the perfect target. He's done bad things, sides with the villains for a good portion of the series, redeems himself but there are things he still has to work on... I don't know, it's been getting to me. There are many other harsh things ive read said about him (like implying how every single member of the gaang hates even after redeeming himself), but i honestly don't have the energy to delve into each and every one. His arc was poorly executed and his development was badly written now, apparently. I kind of just ranted here, i apologize. Im very happy to read the posts of someone who genuinely likes him and doesnt throw him under the bus to defend or elevate other characters...

hi! i'm glad you're enjoying my blog <3 and no need to apologize for the rant, i'm always happy to talk about zuko!

about to theorize a bit as to why it seems like maybe zuko has become a more contentious character, but it should be noted i have not been exceptionally, actively involved in the fandom very long. i loved atla as a kid, have retained fond memories, have witnessed some discourse from the fringes over the years, but only recently has it overtaken my brain to the point of making a whole blog about it. lol. so, like, grain of salt, etc.

i think a big part of it is what you said - in the last few years of fandom in particular, it feels like there has been a huge upswing in purity culture, moralizing liking/not liking certain ships or characters, and an overall increase in very black-and-white thinking. there's also an emphasis on "holding people accountable" (good in theory), often without specifying what, exactly, that looks like (less good). the idea then becomes that if you've done harmful things, there's no way you can ever make up for them and should just, like, hate yourself for all eternity and also die, probably, which is not actually helpful to anyone.

so, i think for those who ascribe to that mindset, zuko is a prime candidate for them to criticize. and while there's nothing wrong with criticizing a character or their arc or writing if you truly have a problem with it, as you've said, a lot of the time, criticisms against zuko don't seem to be made in very good faith. after all, a big part of zuko's arc is having to unlearn some very black-and-white thinking. also, zuko is not a real person. he is a character, and therefore a narrative tool, and if we want him to be 'held accountable', we need look no further than the story itself, in which he is probably the character the narrative holds the most accountable for his actions due to his prior status as a villain.

(it reminds me a bit, actually, of another favorite character of mine: alec in the tv series shadowhunters. he starts out the story already in a heroic role, unlike zuko, but a big part of his narrative is unlearning some prejudiced cultural mindsets and challenging not only his previous ideologies, but his conception of himself and the people in his life as well. as a result, alec can look sometimes more obviously flawed than the other main cast, but the point is that the narrative asks him to examine those flaws and change and introspect and grow in a way that it doesn't always ask of other characters when they are showcasing their own flaws. which does make me thing about zuko vs. aang in the atla narrative.)

the other thing i think is contributing to zuko's more contentious status in the fandom is how long atla's been in the cultural consciousness, and how common it is for things that used to be popular to cycle through to people starting to criticize or actively hate it to people saying "no, actually, it's still pretty good, you just don't want to like a popular thing" (this is me rn), to maybe eventually getting popular again/at least in certain subsects of the audience. zuko was probably one of the most talked-about aspects of atla for a long time, and while i can understand how that could get frustrating (because there are some other really great characters and aspects of the story!), that's not, like, for no reason. people connected with and admired his story for a reason, and many still do, and (in my humble opinion) that is because it is one of the most thought-out, intentional, and nuanced character arcs of the show.

the ableism, i think, really gets to me because like... even if every criticism from the people who hate him were 100% accurate and said in good faith (they're not, but let's pretend for a minute)... that still wouldn't be an excuse for ableism against a character with a prominent facial difference (or making fun of abuse survivors for the permanent injuries they sustain from abuse.) if zuko had never redeemed himself and stayed a villain, it would still be wrong to talk about his scar and abuse the way some of his detractors do. and the show agrees with me! you know how i know? the only two characters to ever make fun of zuko's scar are villains in the narrative: zhao and azula. ("make fun of" might not be quite right for zhao, since what he said - "you have the scar to prove it" - is far more matter-of-fact than azula imitating him by covering her eye or "make sure they get your good side", but he's absolutely being a huge jerk about it.) other characters react to zuko's scar in all sorts of different ways, even when he's still in a villain/antagonist/anti-hero role: zuko's crew is horrified to learn how he got the scar, song sees a point of connection and tries to reach out to him, but, while i think well-intentioned, she breaks a major boundary by trying to touch his scar when he hasn't conveyed he's okay with that, jet makes assumptions about his background because of it, lee, the kid from zuko alone, asks with curious, childish naivete how he got it, only for his father to reprimand him for asking, aang reacts with annoyance/boredom to azula's ableist joke, and katara trips over her words to correct him when zuko thinks she's essentially calling him "scary to look at". not all of these interactions are positive, but the characters (all of whom are written as pretty sympathetic, even if also flawed) aren't outright trying to make fun of him for it, and the narrative never implies he deserves to be treated as less than because of it, even before his redemption.

anyway. if people don't believe in characters' (and, hell, irl people's) capacity for growth and change and don't want to have nuanced discussions about how trauma can impact these things, i mean... that's their prerogative, but i don't understand why they enjoy the show, because those are big parts of it (and not just wrt zuko.)

i know it can be frustrating, anon, (trust me, i get very frustrated.) but i promise you, there are plenty of people out there who a) still love zuko and his story and b) are capable of and willing to talk about things with nuance and in good faith. i'm happy to be part of that corner of fandom, and i bet you can manage to carve out a space where more people like that exist, too! <3

#fandom critical #aang critical #atla critical #a little. jic #ableism //#abuse //#atla #zuko #anonymous #asks #i didn't delve into some of the specifics of people's aggravating bad-faith takes anon bc otherwise this post would be 3x longer but trust #hate them too #also the world is not ready for my alec/zuko parallels post that i still haven't made #cross-media parallels #for reasons

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peachjagiya · 19 days

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Fri(end)s had SUCH radio potential. And it has gotten some play (Organic King) but if BH had actually pushed it for radio play, it could have been dominating.

I could even see the gimmick of playing him and JK back to back or in the same segment.

Ok lil secret about me: I have been doing radio in the UK as a side hustle since I was 15 so just under 30 years, god I'm ancient. Note: I do primarily behind the scenes stuff now. So I love radio discussion.

I gotta say I was BAFFLED but also unsurprised. I was really excited when I heard it because I was like ok yeah Layover was so niche, so jazzy but this is RADIO-Y.

The current hits stations (Capital, Radio 1 in the UK) should have been picking it up. A high profile artist with a fully English song (which unfortunately matters 🙄) that isn't like an overtly niche genre? It should really be there!

I don't think I'd have expected it to go to the A or B playlist, honestly. A playlist is usually reserved for like a couple of the HUGEST songs. Regular play during the day, once every couple of hours though it varies station to station. B playlist would be maybe three times a day.

I am not certain but Seven peaked at 3 in the UK charts and I think it was B playlist on Radio 1. Again, not entirely sure.

C playlist is likely once a day and that's where I'd expect Friends to go.

But it's currently not on Radio 1 or Capital playlists at all. 🙃

The trouble is current hits radio stations want to play what's popular and not what could be popular with support. There's no taking a chance on a great song anymore. Radio used to set the trends, now they follow them according to what's popular on tiktok. It's kind of sad.

Also kind of terrible marketing by the radio stations?! Everyone knows ARMY supports people who support us. I think they're fools not to play music with such high profiles and dedicated fanbase.

I think there's a reason and I think it's racism. Kpop artists fight a battle to be seen as anything other than kpop. I can only speak about the UK but I was literally in a store the other day trying to check prices on Face album and it took me ten minutes to realise Jimin wasn't under J. He was literally just under K-pop. As were BTS themselves. Like all of kpop was one artist! When they're fighting that kind of silliness, the songs aren't being judged on quality or voice or genre. They're just kpop and that's a niche radio isn't investing in despite kpop being made up of many genres and styles. Korean isn't a genre, UK music industry 😐

That said, Jungkook did pretty well with a peak in the top ten for all three singles from Golden. So how come he got decent play? I think that might come down to the very commercial sound - absolutely not a critique, I love it - of his music.

But I also think Tae is fighting more internal issues of general nonsense from his label. Basically it's an uphill struggle and I'm so proud of what he has achieved despite those issues. 💜

Ooh I loved answering this. Thank you, anon! 💜

#v solo #bts radio discussion #my asks

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quandaryqueen · 1 year

Text

Riveting torture III

Masters of fear Jonathan Crane X Reader

Breaking news: Man learns something new about himself; He's an asshole and he's in love (fucking finally) more at 9.

Part I, Part II

🧡 Jonathan's mind has been in a haze after what the stunt you pulled, had him staring at the void for firmly, fingers entwined with one another and press under his chin. He has been deep in thought yet none of them coherent. They just ran pass him, make sense for a moment, before it returns to being nonsense.

He is currently the human embodiment of static; unmoving, uninterrupted, uninteractive.

To be disarmed of rationality is something he didn't expect, let alone from you. Empty of thought, reduced speechless, unable to think of anything else.

It's like you've wrung him out. Of sense, of mind... All with a simple gesture. It's something you've done before, but something about this was different.

How come a gesture less worse from the last one, become impactful? It's as if with the feather-light kiss, on the cheek, managed to make a dent out of his mind.

It's all he ever thought about ever since it had transpired.

🧡 From the other side of the coin, there was you, snug in your jacket Jonathan had kindly provided for you when you needed it most, as you stare into the moving scenery of the countryside. Skies tinged with oranges and pink, golden glow cast upon the trees. You cannot stress your gratitude for Jonathan, it was cold and this jacket was the only thing you owned.

Having been woken up early, the others have taken upon themselves to restore their needed zzz's as the bus has yet to arrive at the venue, so it was new to you not to hear your companions fooling around. They'd be in a chorus of singing trending pop songs, Lee happen to have brought her guitar for the trip too, so there's that. But everyone was fast asleep. Maybe you'll be seeing the squad active when you reach the field.

You felt like you didn't need to sleep. Everything about your interaction with him that early morning had you unable to let go of the grin you've had since boarding the bus. It was as if you didn't need to jacket anymore to stay warm.

"Thinking about your boyfriend?"

You almost jumped from your seat. Upon glancing behind you, you find Adonis cheekily grinning with his arms draped atop your seat. Rolling your eyes at him, you dodge the possibility of explaining your lack of label with the suspect of making you smile like this.

"Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?" He was easy to distract, so you opted to answer his question with another question.

"I have energy drinks flowing in my veins." He giggles, before holding out his hand to demonstrate how the caffeine, or rather, the lack of sleep is currently affecting him right now, his hands shaking.

"Bitch, I thought you of all people would know how sleep is important." You squinted at him, holding his hand to feel just how worse were the tremors in his muscles.

"In my defense, I had to submit some assignments and requirements to some of our teachers early. You know how they are with students like us,"

Being reminded of that, you were then faced with the memory of one of the teachers shaming you in front of the whole class. Again, in your defense, you were prepared! You just needed your notes (idiot notes, as she referred to them) just to clarify certain aspects of the report just so you don't explain it wrong.

"Hmm... Yeah..." You can only sigh in agreement. Shaking your head, you faced him again. How about something more light-hearted? A grin rose from your features. "Remember that dare you told me?"

"Which one?"

"If the the squad and I won the cheerleading competition, you and your boys are going to party wearing the cheerleading uniforms. You are going to do that, right?" You searched his face in anticipation.

"Sure, if you win, that is." He challenges with a smirk.

"Oh fuck yeah we will. Just you wait." Oh Adonis and his boys in the cheerleading uniforms... You can almost imagine it. "How about you try to catch some zzz's? We still have a long way to go."

"Yeaaaah, you're right. Need my energy for the field." Looking over your seat, you see Adonis lift his hood up and tugged it over his eyes, before readjusting his blanket to his chest. "You should do the same. Maybe you'd dream about your boyfriend."

You hold yourself back, not wanting to argue with the boy who is going to attempt to sleep. And so, you slip back to your seat and save your remarks for later. You may not find yourself able to sleep, but it would be nice to just relax for a moment, let the scenery pass by with Jonathan in your head.

🧡 He wonders how you were doing...

At this time, it might be possible you've finally arrived on the venue. By now, perhaps you just finished performing. Maybe you were watching the sport unfolding in the field, all the while, waving your pom poms and chanting the school's team. He hopes you wouldn't forget to drink water in the midst of it... You do have the tendancy to get a little too preoccupied in certain events, not to mention, he hopes you remembered to apply sunscreen too.

...

No...

He hopes you forget to drink that you'd collapse in the middle of the heat and you contract skin cancer! He doesn't care whether you're done performing or not, you can go cheer that football player Adonis for all he cares!

Oh that's right, he never forgot about him, that boy you replaced with him the moment Jonathan was out of the picture, how typical! That imbecilic jock you've managed to string along in that cursed charm of yours! My, how fast did you drop him at the sight of an opportunity when Jonathan walked back into your life? He doesn't even see you interacting with Adonis anymore! It's like he never existed!

🧡 "Go Adonis! You can do it!" You cheered, cupping both hands over your mouth.

Behind you, the captain cues the whole team to chant again through a megaphone. Her ever so chipper voice amplified and not easily overpowered by the various of voices joining her to cheer. Under the heat of the sun, who performed your chants, even being joined by your whole school in the stadium.

Adonis is a close friend of yours who was deeply invested in this sport. You find yourself envying him at the fact he can balance his extracurricular with his academic curriculum. It was noticeable how he put the work in, both academics and extracurricular that he sacrifices his own well-being. Winning this game was important to him, as he was under the gaze of possible offerers of scholarship not just for him, but for the whole team.

Upon hearing you, and the whole school cheer for their teams, you find yourself jumping in excitement when he managed to dodge an opponent and score a point.

🧡 He knew he had to move fast, are you even aware of the effects you were imposing on him? Oh you certainly knew, didn't you?

You... Everything about you was compelling, in a way he sees as beguiling, like a mirage of an oasis in a desert. How your presence seems to present him a sense of calm and relief, in which he knows behind that warmth of yours is a hellfire waiting to reel him forward and trap him in the cage of of your embrace. How you melodic giggle is a siren's call, your voice that being Lucifer's serpentine tongue, with all your deceit hidden beneath honeyed words, your reassurances, those compliments...

For awhile it was starting to feel good, how he began to yearn for these, for you— only to be reminded of your underlying want to humiliate him. To be oh so patient when it came to him, you are considered to be a victor to even get close to him whilst wearing the same cheerleading uniform Sherry used to wear, not even her went through the lengths of kissing him several times, nor held him, anything at all. He was tied at the tip of her fingers and had him strung along with her words alone and he has noted you've been in the same team as she was, of course you would know how he ticks.

You have never talked about her, why would you? Why wouldn't you? He has seen you before, holding Sherry up during practice, converse with her and such. Of course you wouldn't, acknowledging her would have made him reminded of her and recognise your motives! He has underestimated you before and he's learnt —acknowledged even— just how conniving of a little snake you are. Time and time again, you do remind him how much of a scheming little thing you can be, my, how much time do you devout yourself to draw intricacies on your little note to ruin his life? How pathetic can you be?

🧡 Everything was going well, you kept a smile so distinct from the pageant smiles your other squadmates upheld during the performance. It was as if Jonathan was watching you from the crowds, you can feel as though if he'd have been there, seated by the bleachers, supporting you. It was a shame he couldn't attend, but having the thought of knowing he supports you is enough.

Thoughts of him reassuring you played in your head whilst you perform, it burned through you and kept you at a high spirit to recall all the times he has taken a time of his day to sit you down for a moment, in your time of lowest, to remind of the others things you are capable of and how you were great at them. He made you better in believing in yourself.

Your friends, of course, knew that kind of smile and where it came from. Friends being friends, of course, proceeded to do what friends do.

"Ooooh~ is that Jonathan I see?" One of them tease, placing a hand above their eyes whilst squinting at the bleachers.

"Where?" You whipped your head around like a dog lighting up at any indication of their owned arriving.

Not wanting to end there, the other members spurred on. "Right there!" One of them points.

"I don't see him!" You squinted your eyes further.

"Oh my god, Y/N. And you're telling me I need glasses? He's right there!"

Upon hearing the others snicker, you glanced over them with a glare, in which they finally broke out laughing.

"Fucken' pricks." You playfully smack the nearest person on your right, before pouting and crossing you arms to your chest.

🧡 When you return, his plan was to unfold. Specifically, at the party. He will have to make the first move before you can even do it, he fucking swears it. It would be all for nothing if you got him first, he might as well tie his own noose at the strings of your fingers, it was imperative he succeeds.

After glancing at a calendar did he realise that the party you mentioned was Halloween... Of course it would be Halloween, fucking hell, do you really intend to make Sherry Squires proud from the grave, huh?

Oh we'll see about that...

If you really like Sherry that much, then he might as well do the same to you. He will personally see to it that your suffering would be as slow and careful as you are with him.

🧡 You practically made a beeline to him when you arrived back to continue with your usual day to school, a weight being lifted off your shoulders. Thank god the tournament was over, now you can get back to focusing on school. You came back with a wide grin, happy from the various achievements from the tournament for yourself, the whole cheerleading team, of course for Adonis' success, and to top it all off, you get to see Jonathan again. Not to mention, since practices are on hold for now, you could spend more time with him!

"So yeah, since we won, Adonis and his gang are going to wear the cheerleading uniforms at the party!" It was almost as if you were happy about winning the cheerleading competition for the sole purpose of getting to see the whole sports team in cheerleading-wear, rather than the win itself. "Speaking of which, are we still going?"

... We, huh? Interesting. Were you going to attend regardless whether he goes or not? You talk as if that were the case.

"Of course, by then I get to see you perform." That was what you told him, didn't you? 'see you perform'... Perform your heinous deeds.

"Awesome! Soooo, as you expect, it's a costume party and the squad pulled me to some scheme to dress up in sexy Santa costumes from Mean Girls and like... That's so fucking ironic, but it's just simply iconic, I couldn't say no, so um... It's okay if you don't have to wear anything— I-I mean, any costume at all."

Is it because I already share semblance with a Scarecrow? Can't you think of something new?

"The gang and I won't be just performing the dance we did at the competition, we're actually choreographing something new... I mean, since the guys are going to be performing the cheer, we might as well just make a new one. I hope that's alright."

Or does you performance include me being the center of the attention? Of humiliation?

"I still can't believe you're actually going to watch me perform! Anyone who's been with me either thinks I'm wasting my time or that they're just plain mean about what I like, but you are just so nice and supporting and—" you took a break to fan yourself with your hand for a moment before resuming to your statement. "— you're the best. Legitimately, you're like the best. I appreciate you so, sooo much."

I... Surely that statement holds no truth to it. It's just another one of your lies to lure me in.

🧡 He knew what you meant by choreographing a new routine to perform. Since it was not something adhered to the school extracurriculars activities, your means of practicing were limited to noons and possibly weekends. Translation, you won't be able to walk home with him...

Unless...

"Oh my god..." One of the girls covers their mouth in shock when they heard the song you'll be dancing to. "That song is dirty. You little harlot you," She looks over the leader with a look so eager, which reminded Jonathan of a little child who finds delight and thrill in disobeying curfew for the first time.

"Alright, people!" You clapped your hands to gain the attention of your fellow dancers. "So the song we'll be using is a bit in the raunchy side of things, is that okay?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Alright, cool! Now let's get some work shall we?" Looking over your shoulder, this prompts the choreographer to clap her hands as well.

"Positions, everyone!"

Jonathan didn't mind to come along with you and watch you practice. It's not like his parents were strict, I mean, he could go home at midnight and no one would be concern about him. Besides, he'd prefer to have you in his sight. Not in that way of course, just so he knows whether you're scheming with friends or not.

🧡 The state of the relationship well... It wasn't official yet, but everyone fucking knew. It doesn't take a genius for one to figure popular cheerleader Y/N has the hots for the mildly interested hostile nerd Jonathan Crane, which was weird, but you do you honey.

Oh there were whispers, it is something Jonathan knew he would not be able to escape whether you are involved with him or not. With your presence, it helped to maximize the volume of what used to be 'whispers' behind his back, as rumours began to circle the entirety of the school grounds like wild fire.

It was something you immediately addressed at the beginning of your 'relationship'. Giving him all sorts of reassurances he pretends to be believe, oh he knows what sick games you're playing, this just prove the lengths of how your serpentine tongue can go.

"Jonathan, I couldn't give less of a fuck about what the others think. If I can't hold your hand without garnering unwanted attention from the others, fuck 'em. I want you and I— I want us to not care about them and what they think."

No matter... In no time, you alone shall be the hot topic throughout the school year. As the poor little fool found insane or critically injured and locked away or the memoir on the front page. Oh Jonathan knows the hand he is playing, it is indirect, in all of this, in his kindness, it is your choice whether to live miserably for the rest of your life with no possibility of recovery or to have your life snuffed abruptly.

🧡 The night of the party finally arrived, Jonathan has yet to see you but he expected you'd be donning a costume matching with your clique. He was told to wait by a spot to pick him up as soon as you and your friends were done doing whatever the fuck you were doing.

He wore no costume, opting to just wear a flannel to warm himself from the cold, October air. And in others words, he has always been parading around like a scarecrow anyways. You yourself had said that as well, no surprise there.

He hears a distant vehicle approaching and as it grew near, he hears the distinctive giggles from within, blaring along with some generic pop music. Sure enough, he recognised the cherry red Camaro as the so-called 'leader' of the clique and the cheer captain's car. Rolling your window down, you stick yourself out to wave at Jonathan, your make-up glimmering under the dim moonlit road.

"Hi Jon! Sorry we're late."

"Yeah, Lee was being a cunt."

"Bitch, you started it!"

"Alright, alright, settle down!" The driver shouted, before looking over you. "And for god's sake, Y/N, do you want him to get in or not?"

"My bad!" You nervously giggled, before sitting back and opening the door for Jonathan.

He promptly takes his seat next to you and the moment he does, he felt the eyes of everyone from within give him a quick glance in a way of expressing distrust. You, on the other hand, made sure your mask never slipped. You were asking him whether or not he's had dinner yet, if he's cold, telling him about what he should do should he feel overwhelmed in the party, etc etc, whilst your friends chime in with some agreements, reminders and tips, finally did they regain their masks again.

🧡 It wasn't difficult to spot which house was the party venue... Located near heavily wooded areas, where the leader decided to park her precious car in.

"Okay, so who among you are planning to drink?" The leader asks and was met with resounding 'me's! from the group...

"Nah, I'm good. Maybe have a little shot, but I do t plan to get shitfaced."

Except for you, apparently.

"Great, so I'll entrust you my spare keys, should you need for..." For a moment, the leader's eyes land on me. "Emergencies."

"Yeah, Lee needs her ass to be looked after a few shots and you can't be the only one sober since we have the whole ass group with us." You didn't catch the suggestive nature of her statement, or perhaps you chose to feign innocence.

"Alright. Now that's settled, shall we?"

And so, the show commences.

🧡 By now, your friends have scattered everywhere, for a moment he has heard the leader's ever so loud voice from the deafening music, shouting at a member of your group not to drink too much as you'd have a performance to put up later. At some moments, you would excuse yourself to tend to some of your friends to remind them not to drink too much, as the leader had ready made it clear, do not get hammered yet.

The scene before Jonathan was something familiar. The flashing lights, the blaring music, drinks at the hand of those who are not allowed yet, costumes, the popular kids, smoke so thick... For a moment he caught the stench of Sherry Squire's perfume amidst all this, with the scent of alcohol in her breath.

His chest started to raise... Fuck, he could have just pulled you aside for a moment instead of entering the house. It was a wooded fucking area, for god's sake, he would've easily gotten rid of you with the loud, blaring music, absence of lingering eyes, the cover of darkness, everything was perfect and he just had to follow you in this party for some ridiculous fucking reason—

"Jon?"

His neck snaps aside when he swore he had also heard the dead Sherry's voice, only to then realise it was you. Just you... The next to follow after Sherry Squire for attempting to deceive him just as she did.

You have just returned after stopping Lee from doing ten seconds of chugging from the bottle of vodka, putting a hand on Jonathan's shoulder.

"Are you okay?" You tilt your head.

"Never better. You should join your friends." He dismissively turns for a moment, shrugging your hand off. For a brief moment he considers getting himself a drink, only to remember he had to fulfill what he needed to for the longest of time whilst sober. He need not liquid courage to commit such a thing, he would gladly do so without any substance to further fuel his already intense abhorrence.

"But... I want you..." He glanced at you again. With a certain grimace on his face, you couldn't help but to retract and edit your statement with flushed cheeks. "I-I mean... I want to spend more time with you... If that's okay..." Either way, there was no difference from what you've said just a second ago.

"You'd be a laughingstock when they see us together."

You blinked at the revelation and realisation. "Was that why you dropped my hand?"

He never even realised you were holding it in the first place... Now he knew why he entered this god forsaken party, god damnit it, he was holding your hand and enjoying it without him knowing... You held his hand the moment you got off the car, lacing your fingers through his, relishing his presence, his warmth, the fact he coming with you and he shall be watching you perform. But when you entered the house party, he suddenly drops your hand when the popular cheerleaders' entrance had inevitably captured the eyes of the school body in the party.

"Jonathan, I thought we already talk about this I..." You nervously fumbled with the end of your costume, by now you were starting to regret for not bringing your jacket with you. "Didn't we?"

"I don't want to embarrass you." Jonathan avoids your gaze, opting to look elsewhere, anywhere just not at the pathetic, teary eyed pretender. He hoped this would be the end of it... But he knows how annoyingly persistent you can be.

"Why would I be?" You took his hands within yours, once again feeling his warmth, a soft smile filling your lips. "I don't care about what they think about us."

You were truly taking this charade all the way here? All this time? Well, what are you waiting for? You're in the party, easily the center of attention where everyone can see, you have him by the strings of his heart goddamn it, he fucking loves the way your hands warm his cold ones, but by fucking god he knows what would happen if he were to relish it.

You were looking up at him with those eyes again... Those damn eyes which made his knees buckle and fail, yet warm and comfortable at the same time. Have you any idea how much power you have over him, how much he had to fight back with the foreknowledge of what someone like you is capable of? God damn it, why did he had to allow you close to him? Why did he grant you the chance to touch him in all sorts of ways, why the fuck did he have to fall for you in the midst of his distrust?

If he had only strangled you when had the chance instead of walking away—

"I love you... Nothing and no one can change that..."

He didn't realise how much distance he himself has closed in until he realised the can smell that one shot of alcohol you took upon the peer pressure of classmates urged you to take was hitting his face. His eyes darts to your lips, then back to yours. All thoughts filling his head suddenly faded for a moment at the realisation of the distance (lack thereof) between you.

He finds himself closing his eyes... All tensions he has held, all the grudges he held against you, finally slipping from his shoulders... When a bright light suddenly points at you. His heart drops to his stomach and he drops your hand and shields his head.

JONATHAN YOU UTTER FOOL! YOU FELL FOR IT AGAIN!!!

"Sorry to distract you, love birds. But we have a show to put." The leader has been calling you on stage after the whole group gathered up to finally perform. So not once did you hear her screaming your name from the stage.

"Oh, my bad!" You shouted after her. The spotlight returns back on stage, once again leaving you in the dark with Jonathan. "Well... This is it!"

He opens his eyes for the first time, only to observe before him the bright slights casted upon the makeshift stage in the middle of the house pointed at your friend group getting to formation. The boy glances at you, tears were welling in his eyes, only to then feel lips against his cheek, before you sprinted for the stage, in your high heels.

"For good luck!" You shouted after him, before you made your way to the stage.

Jonathan stood still for a moment, before he heard the cue of the music for the beginning of your performance.

"WOOOH! GO CROWS!" One of the students cheered, prompting the entirety of the audience there follow his suit to chant the name of the school's sport group.

🧡 After watching the group choreograph, fail at some points from the lack of synchronization, accidents and other mishaps during practice, he couldn't help but to feel a certain chill when he saw your performance. He knew how much of your group worked hard to perfect this dance in a matter of only days and the way you delivered it to the crowd was something he finds admirable.

At some points of your performance, he couldn't help but to flush at the sight of you performing suggestive acts, such as the way you traced a finger between your chest before licking the said finger, the way you sway your hips, how you caress other dancers passionately, even having the whole group pretend as though they were lifting their skirts up only to wag their fingers at the crowd...

At the end of the performance, you were stopped by the leader by getting a hold of your neck before you make a beeline for Jonathan, reminding you of the final bow. After doing so, you were back to sprinting back to your Jonathan.

The thrill still in your veins, you pull him by the collar of his shirt before crashing your lips against his. He had long since let go the notion of you humiliating him the moment you got on that stage to be the center of the cheers, to perform real entertainment, that he had instantly reciprocated your gesture eagerly. Locking lips had never felt so right and to feel all his worries slip away from the euphoric explosions from within his body.

Jonathan found himself disappointed when you pulled away, only for him to realise you were leading him the wrist to go outside to resume the activity away from the eyes of others.

It was a good thing Christine entrusted you her keys... For emergencies.

#masters of fear scarecrow x reader #mof scarecrow #mof jonathan crane x reader #masters of fear jonathan crane x reader #mof scarecrow x reader #dc x reader #dc jonathan crane #dc scarecrow

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