#So it's Early Bird both figuratively and literally :3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

levi-my-beloved · 2 years

Text

Chapter Four: The Ackerbond Loves

Pairing: Canon!Levi x F!Reader

Warnings: SMUT, so. much. smut. like maybe the best i’ve ever written who knows, standard hj we love those here, Levi being a dumb hoe, reader being a dumb hoe, heavy themes of abuse, implied abuse victim, coping mechanisms, reader almost dying cuz Gunther’s ass is so thick (canon).

A/N: this is almost 20k words. i’ve decided against being apologetic because i think we all know what i'm like at this point. enjoy the good times now because it’s about to get a whole lot worse :)

GO SHOW @peace-for-levi ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD FOR LITERALLY BETA READING 19 THOUSAND WORDS OF INCOHERENT GARBAGE. fr i need to buy you a drink or sommin

AND NATURALLY, credit to @levmada for the conceptttt <3

Taglist: @levmada @awesomeness1679 @purplecandygerl @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @pluvio-pluto @midnightbarnes97 @aresclouds @imkumichan @xxpadfootxx @cmjh3 @justa19 @notgoodforlife @leviackermanmyhero245 @kaea-peverall @jakillski @macaronnv @natalie-skz @oldtownwonderland @snailsposts @lunardeiity @clusiesuzie @hi-imkaiya @isabellawigginss @ackermandick @orionsalos @disaster-writer @temariskadi @nariko1989 @elizaack @dixie-chick @death-by-bullseye

The moment your squad approached the old Scout HQ after half a day’s ride, your heart instantly sank. Cobblestone bricks veined with deep green moss, dried dead vines hanging limply from every archway, windows filthy with years of grime, abandoned to run amok.

You sighed heavily to the natural ambiance of Oluo once again biting down on his tongue, and Petra’s scolding tone. Though the late afternoon light cast a picturesque glow on the old castle, you really didn’t feel like suffering through an intense cleaning spree. Though, of course, it was inevitable.

Hooves clacked against the change of terrain as you slowed to a gentle stop. It was peaceful here, away from the city and the bustling crowds of busy tradesmen. Only the distant sound of birds could be heard from the surrounding trees. It was pretty beautiful.

“Nice place,” you murmured to Eld as you dismounted, running your stirrups up the leathers so they wouldn’t bumble against your horse’s flanks as she walked. “Shame about the weeds though.”

“And I bet the inside’s a shambles. This place hasn’t been used for years,” he responded, slapping two pats against the side of his horse’s neck. You placed a hand on your hip, opening your mouth to respond, before instantly closing it again upon Levi’s interruption.

“In which case we have a problem. Best grab a broom and get to work.”

You stifled your groan of agony. Seriously? Cleaning? After that ride? The sky was just fading into early evening and Levi wanted to clean? Inevitable, yes. Fair? Absolutely not.

You and Eld looked at each other briefly, before sighing as Petra took both your horses. You cursed her as she silently claimed grooming duty. Why couldn’t you have been that smart? She sent you a knowing smirk from over her shoulder, as if she knew what you were thinking.

You instantly flipped her off.

“Eld! Wanna take the windows with me?” Once again, you were too slow to claim a good job as Gunther stepped up before you even had a chance to suggest something. The windows seemed so easy! All you had to do was wash off the grime! So you weren’t surprised when Eld agreed, not so much as sending you a glance before striding off to grab a bucket and cloth. Oluo had, of course, gone off to do his own thing, which left you with Levi. A strangely ideal situation, all things considered.

“I hate you for this,” you deadpanned, still looking up at the monstrous task facing you.

“No, you don’t.” Levi responded, coming to stand at your side and following your gaze up at the castle. You fought down the urge to take his hand. Now is not the time, nor the place to try and figure out what the hell you two were.

Levi was in no better position. Whatever happened yesterday was stuck in his head. Your lidded gaze, soft lips, gentle smile… it was all pinned to a wall for his mind’s eye to stare at longingly. Glancing at you, he saw your lips in a forceful pout, and knew you were trying to suppress a smile. He, too, almost took your hand, fingers outstretched to hook your fingers together.

“Uh, Captain Levi Sir?”

He swore then and there that if he was ever interrupted with you again, he would slash the throat of whoever barged in. “What?”

Eren cleared his throat behind you, and you turned as well, taking slight pity on him. It couldn’t be easy, trying to slip seamlessly into such a tight knit squad. You’d all almost completely forgotten he was here, only Oluo running his mouth to the ‘Greenhorn’. Poor fucking kid.

“Just start cleaning, Eren. This place is a shithole and we have standards. You can start on the top floor and work your way down. We’ll meet you somewhere in the middle,” you instructed, pointing to the large double doors in front of you. “Petra should be back soon, but it’s up to her whether or not she decides to join you.” You threw a sideways glance in the direction of the stables, knowing full well she would be taking her time.

Not that you could blame her.

“Got it!” Eren saluted stiffly, before running off to find himself a broom and a cloth. Once again, his enthusiasm sent a shiver down your spine, being reminded of Oluo’s overly enthusiastic, kiss-ass attitude. You knew Eren was just eager to prove himself, but he could tone it down just a little.

“Someone’s eager to please.” Levi muttered to you, and you sighed in response.

“Can’t blame him really. He’s been thrown into a situation where suddenly the fate of humanity rests on whether or not he can prove his worth. Not to mention his life. If he fails here, he’s dead. It’s no wonder he’s eager to please.”

You hadn’t meant to ramble on. You knew Levi didn’t really mean anything by it, but you felt the need to justify Eren anyway. You sure as shit wouldn’t want to have been beaten to a bloody pulp, thrown in with the Special Operations Squad, scrutinised by both the Scouts and the Military Police, before being forced to sit through one of Oluo’s “you’re new here so let me mansplain everything to you.” Honestly, maybe death was more favourable.

Levi softened infinitely at your far-away expression, having another war with himself to not take your hand. “It’s a miracle how you made it this far with a heart that big.”

How the fuck he said that with the utmost nonchalance you will never know, because your mind completely shut down, barely managing a breathy, shaky laugh. Your heart beating with the thunder of a galloping horse, you turned to look at him, only to see him looking back at you slightly wide-eyed. Could he feel your sudden change in demeanour, or was he looking like that because he’d only just realised what he said. You hoped to the fucking Walls it was the second option.

Managing to recover somewhat, your lips reluctantly pulled into a small smile. “If you wanna talk about big hearts, let’s talk about Evelyn, hm?”

It was Levi’s turn to blank. Hating his blood for dusting across his cheeks, burning in his ears. Fuck, he’d walked straight into that one. But, as you relaxed with your smile becoming a little more genuine, Levi silently agreed that it was worth it. “You’re right… She does have a big heart.” His chest bloomed with your faux irritation, with the way you forced your face to fall. But he could see you were struggling to keep your expression, and Levi barely managed to stifle a laugh when you chose to start walking away instead.

“I hate you and you know that’s not what I meant.” If only you could hear the smile in your voice. Levi vaguely wondered if you would fall for yourself the same way he’s fallen for you. He went to tell you that, once again, you most definitely do not hate him, before a bolt of agony lashed through his head and his eyes lost focus.

On instinct he reached out for your arm and viciously tugged you back into him, and you didn’t have time to question what the fuck he thought he was doing before the deafening crash and slosh of a full, steel waterbucket cracked against the ground behind you.

You stayed there for a moment, face nestled in the soft cloth of his cravat, only barely processing what happened.

Levi kept his steady hold around you as his eyes refocused on the fallen, badly dented bucket, horrified by the idea that, had he not pulled you back, you would most likely be dead right now. The thought made him tighten his arms around you.

“You alright?” His voice was the soft, steady anchor you needed to keep you grounded, deep vibrations soothing the heart that now raced for an entirely different reason. This was achingly similar to the first time he saved your life this way, seeing your fate and stepping in to change it. Achingly similar to the way he continued to hold you after, soothing your trembling muscles. Admittedly this wasn’t nearly as terrifying as being in the clutches of a titan, but you were still a little shaken.

“Yeah… yeah I’m fine,” you nodded, reluctantly stepping out of his arms and looking back to the turned over bucket, the cobbles now a darker shade of grey where the water had tipped out. “This bond coming in clutch once again, huh?”

Levi saw through it. He always could. He saw through your flippant attempt at humour, knew it was just you trying to maintain your composure. But he was learning your tells. Learning how you kept a brave face so seemingly easily. Staring at whatever nearly happened was one of them. He didn’t think when he gently pulled your chin back to look at him, quickly scanning your face, tighter than usual with anxiety. He took a deep breath, wordlessly forcing you to do the same. The faintly echoing heartbeat in his chest calmed.

“You’re okay.” He tucked a slightly loose strand of your hair back into place, and watched with proud satisfaction as you untensed. Deciding to push his luck slightly, he grazed the pad of his thumb over your cheekbone, heart glowing as you leaned into the touch ever so slightly. His skin prickled, and he couldn’t tell whether it originated from you, or whether that was just the effect touching you had on him. Whatever it was, you felt it as well, obvious by your slight shiver.

Levi dropped his hand as panicked footsteps raced down the wooden staircase, both turning to greet a panting, sweating Eld, looking wide-eyed and terrified between you two through the open doorway.

“Fucking– is everyone okay?” He asked through laboured breaths. You smiled through a soft chuckle, trying to reassure the clearly stressed blonde as he fiddled with the hem of his jacket.

“Yeah, we’re–”

“You almost fucking killed her.” You’d never heard Levi speak to his own squad with such venom in his tone. If they’d done something stupid like almost died, he would just tell them flatly to not do it again. He’d never really had a go at any of them, not in the same way you’d seen him have a go at Hange. But this… this was more similar to the time Oluo almost died in one of her titan crazed moments, when he’d held them by the collar and borderline spat in their face. You moved forward to mask the way you quickly held and squeezed his arm. A subtle, but meaningful gesture.

Eld looked like he was about to faint. “I’m so sorry! Gunther and his fat ass. Idiot knocked it back off the roof squatting to fix his gear. Fuck, we didn’t think anyone would be–”

“–Eld, I’m fine. I promise. Look” – you held your hands up in front of you, turning a full circle so he could see – “no damage. I’m absolutely fine.” You implored until you heard him breathe out a sigh of relief, thankful both that you were okay, and his balls wouldn’t be roasted over an open fire.

“Tell Gunther to watch where he’s shitting next time.” You turned back to Levi, who had seemed to have calmed down significantly. Though there was still a slight bite in his voice, he wasn’t nearly as blindingly furious as he was a few seconds ago. Was that because of you? Or because it was a genuine accident? It was difficult to tell.

Eld nodded all too eagerly, wiping a bead of sweat from his brow with the heel of his palm. Oh you were totally teasing him about this later. That was until he looked between you and Levi again, his expression completely different from before. He looked… knowing. Almost proud. You narrowed your eyes at him in threatening confusion, and he simply shook his head with a smile, and turned away back up the stairs.

“You two are so fucking weird together,” Levi commented, stepping up to stand next to you again. You gaped at him with incredulity.

“Shut up!”

“Didn’t you like him at one point?” He smirked at you out of the corner of his eye, and you groaned.

“Was I really that obvious?”

“About as obvious as Hange’s love for titans.”

You groan again, slightly louder. Levi tried his fucking best not to imagine the sound in… other situations. “Clearly not obvious enough, the bastard never even realised until after I’d moved on!” you lamented, gathering a few cloths from the table inside the front hall and removing his jacket from your shoulders before hanging it on the back of a chair.

He folded his arms, surveying you with a raised brow. “How do you know?”

“We spoke about it yesterday when walking to the market. We were just talking about– stuff” – that was a little too close – “and it sort of just came up in conversation. Turns out we’re both just morons.”

“That’s for sure.”

“...Levi, that was your opportunity to disagree.”

“Why would I disagree with facts?”

He barely dodged the cloth you threw at him, once again your irritated façade cracking easily. “Go get your special cleaning doily and join me upstairs. I cannot stand to see your face right now.” An obvious lie.

“It’s not a doily, doilies are made of lace.”

“And you would know that how?” You asked, drawling. Levi pulled a lopsided smile at you, answering with a single word that had you cackling with laughter when he left to grab his kit.

“Evelyn.”

It was late evening by the time Levi deemed the castle spotless enough to hole up in for a few weeks. Everybody was drained by the time the squad had gathered in a small dining room in what you assumed would have been the servant’s wing. Tea in hand, you engaged in idle chatter with the rest of your squad, waiting for the arrival of Levi and Eren.

“So wait, you think Nifa and Moblit have something going on?” Petra asked to a smug looking Gunther across the table, who nodded in confirmation. “You were there at the last strip poker game, right? He could barely tear his eyes off Hange and they barely took anything off!” She argued with a vigour that made you laugh. Her hazel eyes turned to you, wide eyed in desperate need of support. “You’ve heard the way she talks about–”

“Petra!” You had to stop her before she revealed one of Nifa’s deepest secrets. Eld and Oluo seemed to perk up instantly.

“Oh, you can’t do that to us!”

“Come on, no secrets in the squad, remember?”

Eld looked to you at that comment, raising a pointed brow. You sent him another confused look, but he simply looked away and back to the conversation at hand. You were confident nobody was around to see what happened earlier, so what the hell he could be referring to other than that, you had no idea.

“That’s not fair, because this isn’t my secret. It’s Nifa’s, so butt out of it, all of you,” Petra held firm, folding her arms against the disappointed looks and huffs from the men.

You hummed a soft laugh, your heart glowing with fondness for this group of people. And of course, the one missing.

It’s as if he were summoned by your fleeting thought about him, both Levi and the newest addition to your squad came through the door from the left, Eren looking a little despondent. You assumed he just found out where he’d be sleeping… Poor kid.

“They here yet?” You shook your head as Levi took a seat at the head of the table to your right. Though nobody ever expected Hange to be on time. It was somewhat of a habit that they were always late to meetings, missions, even the start of their own expeditions, usually caught up in some research or experiment and didn’t notice the rest of the regiment going grey when waiting for them. “Might as well do introductions whilst we wait then. Eren, this is the Special Operations squad,” Levi continued, and you noticed the rest of your comrades straightening in their seats when being introduced. For ease, he introduced you first. “My Second, but you already knew that.”

“Wait, you’ve met already?” Gunther piped up from the other side of the table. “How’s that fair?”

“I was at the trial.” You explained swiftly, earning yourself a look of sudden understanding from the rest of your inquiring squad. Though Oluo audibly huffed from his seat, clearly perturbed that he wasn’t the one invited. Levi went on to introduce everyone else, who in turn greeted Eren in their own ways. Petra with a bright smile, Eld with a friendly wave, Gunther with a lopsided grin and of course Oluo with some kind of backwards insult. Naturally.

“These are the people who won’t hesitate to put you down if you go ape shit out there. I hand picked them all for a reason. Don’t fuck up, and we won’t have a problem. Do fuck up, and they have strict permission to act accordingly. Personally, I wouldn’t want to find myself at the end of any of their blades.” High praise coming from Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. A flare of pride flashed in your chest, despite already knowing he recognised everybody’s potential years ago. That’s why you were all here. Because you were deemed strong enough by the strongest soldier alive. You glanced around the table to see your comrades looking in similar ways to you. Gritty determination shining in the low light.

“I… I understand, Sir. It’s nice to meet you all.” You had to admire the kid. Even in the face of his potential killers, he managed to keep some semblance of collectiveness. From what you’d heard, Eren could be quite hotheaded. Not unlike yourself at times. There were certain things in yourself you hoped to see in this kid, and certain things you hoped to fuck stayed away.

Before the silence prolonged any further, a loud pair of footsteps echoed down from the door on the left. The barred door on the left. You almost slapped your forehead before the inevitable impact even happened.

Petra sighed, rising from her seat to remove the wooden bolt from the door, and allowing an excited looking Hange, rubbing the side of their head. You almost couldn't believe it, having not expected them to arrive until much later. You smiled in lighthearted surprise.

“Gooooood evening, Levi squad! How’s castle life treating ya?” Hange’s ability to lighten up a room was always something you admired. You remembered Levi asking why you liked hanging out with them so much. Honestly, this was why. Their boundless energy rubbed off on those around them, though of course he seemed to be immune. But you enjoyed watching the antics, and smiling at Moblit’s frazzled looks. It was a nice return to some kind of normality after an expedition.

Your eyes slid to Eld opposite you, whose smile mirrored your own. He too found Hange amusing to watch, the scientist often being a popular topic of conversation between the two of you. Your hands steepled in front of your mouth, hiding your subtle laugh.

“You’re early.” Levi responded, taking a long sip of the tea that was waiting for him when he joined you all. Judging from the above par taste, you’d made it. You were getting better at that. He tried to stop his heart blossoming at the thought.

“Am I? Well I suppose I couldn’t wait. Hi, Eren! I hope this lot have been treating you well.” You watched Hange jovially drag a chair over to where the teen was sitting next to Oluo. You snorted quietly at the unsure look on Eren’s face. “Excited to start experimenting?! Levi! What’s Eren doing tomorrow?”

“Cleaning out the weeds.” You glanced at his impassive expression of boredom. You didn’t envy whoever would be taking over that role as gardener, but if it was you, you would genuinely walk back to Trost.

“Excellent! We’ll start tomorrow then!” You all collectively groaned at the idea, hoping to have at least a day of rest before Hange started their rampage. You all just hoped he didn’t ask–

“Uh, what experiments will we be doing?”

The entire room stopped, staring wide-eyed at the poor kid, who had no idea what he’d just done. Though you couldn’t see, you could fucking hear Hange’s eyes light up at the idea of explaining her theories to this naïve teen.

“I knew it. You possess a singularly curious mind…”

Nope. Absolutely not.

Simultaneously, your entire squad stood from their seats, including Levi. Eren had made his bed by asking Hange a question, something one should never do, and now he must lie in it. Alone. Every single one of you left without a word, quietly closing the door behind you.

“That poor, poor kid,” Eld muttered to you as you climbed the stairs. You hummed in agreement.

“I wonder how long they’ll keep him there… I hope it’s not another one of those overnight things. Nobody deserves that, not even Nile.” You responded, taking his teacup from his hands. He let you without a word.

“Didn’t they say they’d start experimenting tomorrow? How does Hange expect him to do anything if he’s already exhausted?” Petra asked.

She allows you to take her own cup as well. It was sort of an unspoken rule. You hated the idea of dirty dishes festering overnight, even something as simple as tea cups. But the rest of your squad didn’t share in this hatred, only Levi seemed to understand where you were coming from. So it was sort of expected that since it was your issue, you would be the one to fix it. Not that you were mad. You actually kind of liked it that way.

Gunther stacked his own onto Petra’s, Oluo handing you his after. You weren’t really surprised when Levi broke off from the group, though he was still holding his own. That did take you by surprise, but you knew better than to question.

“Doesn’t concern us anyhow. Go get some rest, all of you. If we start tomorrow, I have a feeling we’ll all need it.” You instructed with a heavy sigh, gaining nods of agreement from your comrades, and several bids of goodnight. Eld lingered for a moment, and you instantly knew he had something to say, but was hesitating. “Go on, spit it out before it dies.”

Eld cleared his throat. “I see things are going well between you two.”

You blanched. How the fuck could he possibly– “What are you talking about?” Oh, that was way too shaky to not be seen as suspicious. Eld’s grin only widened further, and you felt heat gather at your cheeks.

“I’m happy for you. I really really am,” – he placed a hand on your shoulder – “you deserve it.” You covered his hand with your own, your expression relaxing instantly. He could always sap the tension from your shoulders like that. You honestly weren’t convinced he wasn’t some kind of wizard.

“Thanks, Eld. Not just for that but, for being pretty fucking great generally.” You gave his hand a squeeze, almost surprised to see a genuine shine of gratitude in his eye. Before he dramatically gasped and placed a hand on his chest.

“A compliment?! From you?! Hold on, I need to check the skies for pigs! Is it my birthday? Oh oh oh! I’ve got it! You’ve just found out you have an incurable disease and you want to show your appreciation before you die!” You shoved him off, laughing brazenly at his all too familiar antics.

“Eat shit and die.”

“Great rules to live by. Eat, shit, and die.” You were so tempted to throw something at him.

“Go to bed before I fucking drag you.”

“And here I was thinking you only had eyes for the captain. Naughty.”

“Go!” You went to give him a halfhearted kick, one that was easily dodged by a quick step backwards.

“Okay, okay, I’m going! No need to get violent.” He held his hands up in defeat, finally turning to leave you with the washing up. “Hey,” you looked back over your shoulder to see him still lingering by the door. “You’re pretty great too.”

He left you smiling before you could answer, and you found to your overwhelming delight, not a single romantic feeling towards him. There really was nothing like the feeling of moving on, and discovering you wouldn’t be in that kind of pain anymore. It was liberating.

Teacup in hand, Levi passed Eld on his way down the hall, who smiled widely at him and gave him a nod in acknowledgement. One of the weirder exchanges he’s ever had with the blonde, but weird exchanges with both Eld and Gunther were to be expected. It’s just who they were.

Levi had been stuck thinking about you all day since that morning. What would have happened had he not been interrupted. Would he have kissed you? He doubted it. He wanted to make that something a little more– ‘special’ didn’t sound like the right word, but he couldn’t think of a better one. Would he have just stared at you for hours? That went really well the last time, a fantastic way to make you feel uncomfortable. Maybe he would have just held you for a bit longer, reassured you a bit more. Although he thought that all the time. He constantly wanted to hold you more. That wasn’t anything different.

His boots echoed down the stairs as he approached the kitchen doorway, hearing who he assumed was you shuffling around, before the pitched shattering of ceramic ceased all movement.

“No, no no nononononono–” That was your voice. Panic gripped him as he sped down the last few steps to see you on your hands and knees, frantically scrambling for broken fragments of white porcelain. It wasn’t difficult to piece together what had happened, but Levi was more worried about the state of your hands and fingers than the broken teacup. More worried about your almost hysterical state.

“What–” You cut him off with a fearful yelp, almost falling backwards having not heard him come in. He’d never seen you like this. Your eyes wide and wild, reddened by the streaming tears down your cheeks. Blood pooling from both your hands and knees from where you’d knelt in the shrapnel and tried desperately to pick up the pieces. You looked… you looked terrified.

“I’m sorry, I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to– it j-just s-slipped from m-my hands… I’m sorry, I-I’ll clean it up, j-just give me two m-minutes and it’ll b-be gone I-I’ll buy a re-replacement, I’m s-so sorry.”

Levi was stunned into silence, utterly baffled by your sudden one hundred and eighty degree shift in personality. He struggled to comprehend that this was the same woman from earlier today, laughing and quipping alongside him. His fingers tingled with each small cut you managed to give yourself, knees stinging as you kept crawling on the sharp edges. That echo in his chest raced to the point of pain, his sternum twisting and hammering in panic.

It took him far too long to gather himself again, your hands coated in a thin sheen of crimson.

“Stop!”

Upon seeing you freeze up, Levi instantly regretted raising his voice even a fraction. You didn’t move, not even from where you were reaching to grab another shard of blood-stained white, hands trembling like a leaf in the wind. He could hear your slightly wheezed breaths, too fast to placate him.

Kneeling before you, Levi took your shaking hands into his own, tilting them towards the light to see the extent of the damage you’d done to yourself. His own breath hitched slightly. How had he not noticed these last time? Your hands were covered in hundreds of paper thin scars, none of them longer than a centimetre. His mind raced, endless possibilities crowding his head, and pushing them all back felt like fighting a hurricane with a spatula. But Levi was nothing if not odds-defying. Taking his cravat from around his neck, he first wiped his own hands, before setting to work on gently clearing the scarlet from yours. He was used to getting blood out of it anyway, it wouldn’t be a problem. But seeing you like this…? That was where the problem lay. Your tears continued to stain the floorboards, and you continued to convulse slightly with each silent sob.

He wanted to talk to you. To hold you. To gently stroke your arm until you calmed down, but he had a nightmarish feeling that if he did anything other than what he was doing now, you’d break apart again. So he just kept cleaning, wiping away any fresh blood that oozed from your cuts. He needed to properly clean them, like he did after that game of poker. But that meant trying to get you to move, and with the way you were still trembling… he didn’t expect that to happen anytime soon. It was a shock to see you like this; cowering away from every too-sudden movement, flinching everytime his hands so much as inched towards your wrists. It was worse when he went to try sooth your hair, your muscles locking up in anticipation, tucking your chin to your shoulder and screwing your eyes shut. You were bracing for something, he grew to learn, and his heart splintered along with the realisation. This had been done to you. This had happened before, but the resulting response from whoever you were with hadn’t been nearly as gentle.

Levi slowly lowered his hands back down to yours. The bleeding stifled now, but he still needed to check your knees and properly clean your hands. You’d stopped crying as well, only now it was so much worse. You just… stared. Vacantly. Like a hole had hollowed out behind your eyes and you were just… empty. He felt nothing, no bond, no connection, no echo. It was like you weren’t even there anymore, like you’d mentally checked out. With endless trepidation, Levi tilted your head up to look at him. This time you didn’t resist; you didn’t react. You just kept staring, eyes slowly focusing on his face. You made no movement when his hand cupped your cheek, like you couldn’t even feel it, and he sorely missed earlier today, when you lent into him even fractionally.

Keeping his voice low and soft, he kept a good read on your expression for any sign of life. “I need to move you to the faucet, can I do that?” No response sans a slow blink, and Levi was at a complete loss. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know if moving you would terrify you again. Fuck, he hated this. Hated seeing you so vacant. So used to seeing your eyes glimmer, seeing them so faded fucking hurt. Not to mention how hollow he felt. Having grown to enjoy your weird presence in his head and chest, your absence left him feeling alone. A feeling he was disgustingly familiar with. “Please, come back. I need you here… I don’t know where you’ve gone, but I can’t reach you there. Come back to me, please.” He begged, both hands now cupping your face. He didn’t know what he was doing, letting his instincts guide him as he blindly reached into whatever connected him to you.

Levi felt like he was flailing in the dark, treading water in some pitch-black ocean with no direction. He thrashed, recklessly searching for something, anything that suggested you were still there. He kicked against the dragging sensation in his head, desperate to stay above the inky black water. Whatever had a hold on him, only tugged him down harder.

“Find her.” It said, “Before she is lost. Find her. Or she will remain alone.”

He forced his limbs to still, and the forceful dragging became a slow descent. Praying for any kind of sign you were still there. The silence was consuming, filling his airways in choking quiet. He had to hold out. Just a few more moments. Another second. Please–

A flicker of life. He felt it. It was here. A faint, dying ember, but it was there. Levi reached out, feeling your heartbeat in his hands, before enclosing it in his palms, and pulling.

Hard.

Levi came back to his body moments before you fell forwards into him, just enough time to catch you. For a harrowing second, he thought you were dead, before the steady echoing of your heartbeat re-entered his chest. He checked your pulse, just to be sure, before finally relaxing when he felt the steady thumping against his fingertips. Your steady breaths indicated you had just fallen into a state of sleep, rather than unconscious. So he gently manoeuvred you into his lap, wrapping his arms around your waist and shoulders and tucking you safely into the crook of his neck, nestling his nose into your hair.

What the fuck just happened? Was that all real, or did he imagine it? There was definitely some thread between you, he could pull on it if he wanted, gently tighten and slacken the bond, but did the rest of it happen? What happened to you? What had happened to you? Levi had so many damn questions and so few damn answers. Not that he would ever bring this up again, not unless you did. He had other methods to attend to anyway, primarily cleaning the cuts on your hands and knees.

But he wanted to hold you. Just for a bit longer. For a few more minutes. Or forever. He honestly didn’t mind which.

Unfortunately the press of your wounds weighed on his mind, and he reluctantly loosened his grip on you enough to scoop you into his arms, making sure your head was still tucked safely into his neck. Why the hell you smelt so fucking good, he refused to unpack before you were somewhere safe and comfortable, but he swore you smelt like freshly cut grass and peonies. Two of his favourite fucking scents.

Levi kept an ear out for any wandering footsteps down the hall as he carried you up to your room. Eren was most likely still stuck downstairs with Hange, listening to them babble on about titan anatomy basics. They always started with the basics. Looking down at you, he couldn’t help his lips pulling up into a tender smile. You looked surprisingly peaceful considering what just happened. Your face finally relaxing, those worry lines becoming much less pronounced. He didn’t realise how stressed you were all the time until now. Until he could see you without a care in the world.

He’d been so lost in your face he hadn’t noticed Eld standing dead centre of the hallway, toothbrush hanging from his mouth, eyes wide in utter stunned bafflement. Levi cursed quietly.

“I– uhhhhhhh, Captain…? Is she– I have no idea how to respond to this. Is she alright?” Levi understood now why you liked him back in the day. The genuine concern on his face was admirable. Levi had never lied to his squad, and he wasn’t about to start now.

“Honestly? I don’t know. I think she’s alright now. She… collapsed in the kitchen.” Levi was genuinely proud to have somebody as caring as Eld on his squad, his brows pinched with worry as he quickly scanned you, pulling his toothbrush from his mouth the moment he saw your crimson stained hands and knees.

“Wait, what h–”

“Eld, you wouldn’t happen to know whether she has a history of abuse, would you?” Eld pulled back, his concern shifting to full-blown alarm. The soft, worried creasing in his face became a harsher, more determined expression of protection.

“Abuse? No… not that I know of. She briefly mentioned having two exes, but mentioned nothing about either of them being abusive.”

“Her family?”

“She never mentioned them either. I actually assume they’re dead, to be honest. Whenever family’s brought up, she stays silent. The same with love lives.” Eld folded his arms, leaning against the wall thoughtfully. “I’ve seen her flinch though. When anyone would get too… exuberant. Mostly when she was near Hange and they got excited by something. I’ve seen her flinch at flailing hands, but I honestly thought it was because she was always ready to jump into action… I never even considered… Fuck.” Levi swore he watched the man go through the five stages of grief in the matter of a minute, sliding a hand down the side of his face. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice. Or even think. She didn’t even come talk to me. I would have–”

“Eld.” The blonde stopped, managing to meet Levi’s gaze. “You’ve been more than a good friend to her. She’s just… good at hiding. It might be nothing, but we can’t rule out any possibilities just yet.” He hated that he sounded like they were discussing some kind of mission plan, but he had to keep up professionalism around his squad. Whether they were already aware or not. “Get to bed, Hange starts tomorrow.” He instructed, continuing to carry you to bed.

“Captain!” Levi stopped, turning his head back. “This might be out of order for me to ask, but…” Eld bucked up the courage to once again raise his head and look his captain in the eye, “Look after her.”

There was so much behind those words, Levi didn’t even want to think about the weight of them. Not yet. “...I plan to.”

Clearly satisfied with this answer, Levi heard the door to Eld’s room close. He didn’t give himself credit for many things, but judging people’s character was one thing he was extremely good at. He was proud of his squad. Extremely proud of them. There were many in the Scouts who very much only cared for themselves, but every single member of his squad had a character to match their skill. It gave him hope to see how deeply the relationships between you all ran, and he knew you would have each other’s backs in a pinch. It was reassuring.

Levi was brought back to reality by you shifting ever so slightly in his arms. Not much, but enough for him to know he needed to get you to bed and wash your cuts as soon as he could, though his heart almost burst with the realisation you were shifting into him, your cheek pressing against his shoulder.

He was getting really tired of fighting the urge to kiss you.

Using his shoulder to get the door to your chosen room open, the moon was just enough lighting to get across the floor without walking or bumping into something. A clear cross section of the window silhouetted against the wood guided him to your bedside.

Setting you down on the plush new covers, he took a moment to sit next to you on the bed and just… look at you. To take a second to memorise your peace-stricken expression. He’d already committed to memory the peaks and valleys of your features, but like this? It was a sight he wanted to get used to so dangerously badly. Tucking a loose strand of hair off your face, he couldn’t stop his hands from softly stroking your cheek, smoothing over your eyebrow. You looked so gentle like this. So tender.

So terrifyingly fragile.

He hated to leave you, only for a few moments whilst he fetched a water basin and a clean cloth. He wouldn’t use the already bloodsoaked cravat, he’ll just wash that later. Though an awful thought finally crossed through his mind.

He couldn’t get to your knees like this. He couldn’t roll them up that far. Uniform pants were designed to be form fitting… but the only other option–

Wasn’t really an option really. He might just have to leave your knees for you to discover in the morning. As much as he cared about your health, he also cared about your dignity and comfort. He was not about to undress you when you weren’t even awake. The thought disgusted him.

So with a heavy sigh, he stood, and sending you one last glance, left to fetch himself what he needed.

…Why. The fuck. Did your hands hurt so damn much? You slowly, groggily stirred awake, scrunching your hands into fists and wincing when you found them stinging and crusty. Your memory was about as hazy as a thick fog, unable to decipher what really happened and what was a dream, and opening your eyes didn’t help anything. You were in your room. Or at least you assumed it was your room. How the fuck did you get here? Nothing made sense. One moment you were in the kitchen, and now–

You froze as you looked down at your hands, though the lighting was low, you could see the smudges of blood and the dark red slices across both of them. It looked… familiar. Uneasily familiar. You’d seen yourself like this before, you swore you had. Peering down at your hands, counting the cuts on each finger, tracing the divots in your palms.

Why? Why did you recognise this exact scenario? And why did it hurt so much to think about? Before you could contemplate any further, your door opened seemingly unprompted.

Until another, more comforting familiarity put you at ease. Though his appearance was unexpected.

He clearly hadn’t expected to see you either, pausing briefly after shutting the door. You only had a brief few second window to try work out what he was holding, but it looked like a steel basin of water, a tub of salve and a few cloths. Though your brain was still waking up, it didn’t take Hange to work out what was happening. Barring your thankful smile was impossible, though you found you had no will to do so.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be awake,” Levi murmured, grateful for the low lighting so you couldn’t see the soft blush across his cheeks. Half of him hoped you wouldn’t wake up until tomorrow… half of him.

You shrugged, still a little bashful that he was currently standing by your closed door whilst you were sitting up in bed. “I wasn’t expecting you to come in.” Though you were smiling, you saw that he wasn’t, and a heavy globule of dread pooled in your gut. What the hell had happened…? “I don’t really–”

“Do you remember–”

You spoke at the same time, instantly cutting off upon hearing the other’s voice. But there was no awkward silence. No charged quiet as he crossed over to you, setting the water on the bedside table and taking up his previous seat by your side. Though this time you were awake.

No further words were exchanged as Levi took you hands back in his, his intentions made even clearer when dipping a clean cloth in the water and gently soothing your lacerations, the dried blood coming away like wet paint. He felt your eyes on him as he worked, using every fibre of his self control to concentrate and not acknowledge your gaze. Because if he had to fight kissing you one more time, he would lose.

“What do you remember?” Talking was a welcome distraction from the way his lips pursed in delicate concentration. Though you observed the way they danced around each word, and it almost killed you, only surviving by tearing your eyes away to look elsewhere.

“Not a lot.” You whispered, and Levi had to pretend it didn’t cause a shiver down his spine. He hoped to fuck you couldn’t feel that. “I remember cleaning up, and I remember being in the kitchen. I think I dropped something, but that’s it. Then I’m here.” You explained, wincing slightly as he swiped across your teared skin.

Levi fell into a thoughtful silence. Should he ask you? Should he bring up his conversation with Eld? He guessed that if you wanted to talk about it, you would have done so. Either with him or the squad. But the thought of leaving the topic undiscussed didn’t really sit very well with him. He wanted to talk to you. Fuck, he wanted to talk about everything with you, not just this. He wanted to know everything about you.

But before he’d made up his mind, you decided for him. “So, will you finally tell me how you know Evelyn, or is that some deep dark scandalous secret nobody is allowed to– Ow! The fuck, Levi?!” You snatched your hand away, facing him with betrayal as he flattened you with a stare. You frowned a pout. “No need to be so rough, especially when you can feel it too.”

“I’m clearly not as sensitive. And I told you how I met Evelyn, she owns the tea stall, how else would I– Would you please give me your hands?” He sighed, exasperated when you tucked them behind you, though it was a trial not to laugh at how petty you looked. “I’m not in the mood to play games with you right now.”

“That suggests you’re sometimes in the mood to play games with me. Where am I when these moods hit?”

“Shovelling shit from the stables.”

“Ever the comedian.” You snorted, before raising a brow at his outstretched hand, patiently waiting for you to give in. He should know you’re more stubborn than that, though he continued to look at you expectantly.

“You waitin’ for a formal invitation?”

“I’m waiting to see how long it will take you to realise I'm not that easy.” You smirked smugly, assuming you’d won this little game of yours.

Until Levi rose from his chair, muttering something about you being a fucking brat, placed a knee on the side of your bed, and swung his other leg over to straddle your lap. Your breath froze, heart beating out of your chest as you stared wide-eyed in utter shock at your captain currently sitting in your lap.

Levi chose to ignore the fact that he could literally feel himself shaking with adrenaline, and instead calmly took your arms from behind your back and held them in one of his hands, reaching for the washcloth with the other. He chose to ignore what he’d come to know as the faint echo of your own heartbeat thundering beside his own, instead choosing to focus on his original task of cleaning your wounds. He chose to ignore the mirroring heat rising to his own face, reaching back towards your nightstand to snatch the tub of salve.

Chose to ignore the small spark igniting in his crotch.

You’d managed to recover from the initial shock, now doing everything in your power to avoid looking at him. If the tables had been turned, you couldn’t say you would have done any differently, it was just unfair that it was him doing this to you. This was him flustering you. You liked it when it was the other way around. All sorts of filthy scenarios flitted about your head, all stemming from this specific position, and it took all of your willpower not to indulge in a little dream of having him like this, in your lap, whilst you worked him up and over.

Levi clenched his jaw. In hindsight, this wasn’t a very clever idea. He hadn’t really been thinking about the consequences when he wanted more than anything to prove you wrong, and demonstrate just how easy you were. Or rather, how easy he made you. But the way your hips shifted below him, the way you subconsciously brought your knees up behind him… Fuck this was a mistake. He couldn’t get hard right now for fuck’s sake. He didn’t even want to imagine that scenario, when you realised he was fucking aroused and his rock hard cock tented in his pants borderline in your face.

He had to move. He had to get off you, before his erection grew any more. Before he made an absolute embarrassment of himself. He just prayed to the fucking walls that phantom pleasure didn’t start again. It did have a habit of rising at the worst of times.

Placing the tub of salve back onto the nightstand, Levi shifted his weight to move off you. But you had other plans. With your hands now slightly slick with balm, you easily slipped them from his grip, taking his own wrists and boldly throwing them above your head.

A gasp flew from his mouth as he fell forward, coming face to face with your now wickedly smirking visage, hot breath tickling his face.

“Still think I’m easy?” You murmured, eyes flickering between his own and his lips. Despite wanting nothing but to lock them with your own for the last however many years you’d been secretly pining over him, you wouldn’t kiss him. Not today. A dominating part of you wanted the satisfaction of leaving him hanging after behaving the way he just did.

Levi was at an utter loss, and he suddenly felt a little guilty for putting you through this exact same situation not moments ago. He felt like a deer in searchlight, completely frozen in place, his heart matching that same hammering beat your own reached when he’d started this whole thing. This was the side to you that sent his stomach somersaulting. The same side that saw you smile so savagely at Hange, the same side that sent heated glares to those who pissed you off. The same side that made him absolutely weak at the knees.

The same side that did nothing helpful for his arousal situation. Especially not when you leaned up as far as your flexibility would allow, your breasts pressing into his chest. He thought for a terrifying moment you were about to bite against his ear, and if you did that, this night would end with him cumming in his pants on top of you.

He was eternally grateful when you didn’t do that.

“Go to bed, Captain.” That wasn’t much fucking better. Levi shivered incredibly noticeably at your breath dampening his helix, sending a pulse of electricity through his nerves.

You relished in the now deep flush across his cheeks as you fell back onto the pillow, releasing his wrists from your hold. The corner of your lips quirked up in another smirk as you saw his internal debate, still frozen in complete shock. So you decided to be nice and help him on his way. “Sleep well.”

Fuck you. Fuck. You. Both literally and in the insulting sense. Levi barely gathered himself enough to clamber off you and leave without another word. Forgetting everything he’d brought to your room in favour of getting back to his own as fast as possible. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. FUCK. He could almost hear your wicked cackle in his head as he walked at the speed of light back to his quarters. Fuck you and you stupid fucking smirk and your stupid fucking hips and your stupid fucking mouth.

He couldn’t think past his throbbing cock once again. And once again it was all because of you. He almost didn’t want to sort it out of some kind of twisted spite. He didn’t want to give you the satisfaction of knowing you fucked with his head – and cock – that badly. Not that you would know. You definitely had some idea, sure, but not the extent to which you messed with him.

His resolve to stay strong and keep his hands from his dick crumbled the moment he crawled into bed after awkwardly pulling a pair of loose pants over his throbbing length. This was so stupid. So fucking stupid. How could you be in his head like this? Causing him to toss and turn, unable to get comfortable with a raging fucking hard-on. This was way too similar to the first time this happened, only, despite however long he waited, that ghostly pleasure didn’t start.

Fine. Fucking– Fine! He’ll just get this over with quickly. The shower was too far away anyway. Reluctantly, Levi pushed down the hem of his pants, kicking them off his legs. It would be easier if he wasn’t wearing anything… right? He honestly had no idea. Would being on his back be better? It felt a little too exposed, so he turned onto his side. How did people do this regularly? He felt like he had a fucking mental checklist of things that needed to be right before he even thought about fisting his cock.

Taking a heavy breath, Levi ghosted his hand down his front, skin prickling at his own featherlight touch before stopping just short of his arousal, suddenly feeling nervous. What if he did it wrong…? What if it didn’t feel good? Would he be disappointed? What if–

He used his questioning mind as a distraction, before wrapping his hand around his length. All rhetorics ceased with the warm honey seeping into his veins. Well, that’s one question answered. It felt good. Fuck, it felt really good. Levi really wanted to stay quiet during this, fearing that hearing himself would turn him off, but the way his breathing stuttered with each gentle, languid stroke was actually a strange aphrodisiac. He hummed a groan, closing his fist tighter around his cock, precum already copiously spilling from his tip, lathering both his palm and his pulsing shaft.

His other hand moved from where it was clutching the pillow by the side of his head, skirting down to grasp his soft, round balls, rolling them in his palm. His hips bucked along with a whimpered gasp, brows pinching as his eyes fluttered closed. He experimented with different holds, finding his euphoria building quicker when his thumb pressed against his prominent vein and his fingers circled his tip. This was different to last time. Last time, he was completely out of control, waiting on the whims of a phantom pleasure. But this time, he felt his high build slowly, working himself up before tightly gripping the base of his cock. He didn’t know why he was edging himself, assuming that’s what it was, he honestly just wanted this to last. He’d never made himself feel this good, never drew gravelly moans and fractured whines from his throat with his own hands.

A strike of confidence overtook him, and he let his hand venture further down, resting against the spot between his ass and balls. Still feeling bold, he gently massaged the area, gasping loudly at the sudden spike of bliss. Levi’s mouth dropped open with a quiet wail, his hips now thrusting erratically into his own hold, fucking his fist whilst his fingertips ground against his taint in ever increasing circles. Another question answered. He would not be disappointed. Not when he could feel his high cresting. He couldn’t help himself. In the comforting darkness, he whispered out your name.

“G-gonna cum! Fuck, fuck…! G-gonna fucking cum o-ohahaah! Nghyes! Fu–” His voice cut off as he was dropped into a sea of ecstasy, oceans of pleasure roiling in his veins, crashing over his nerves as he managed to bring himself to orgasm. His thighs shook, trapping his hand between them as he failed to stop the rhythmless bucking of his hips, white seed expelling from his sensitive head and dribbling down his knuckles, staining the sheets below.

Levi basked in the afterglow of his high before the inevitable post-orgasm clarity ruined his mood. He thought back to your vixen-like smile, your teasing lips. He swore he could hear you laughing at him, giggling maniacally at his desperation.

–Easy–

Great. Even his own mind was teasing him now. Levi sighed, the weight of his situation lying heavily on his shoulders. Until the realisation hit him like a punch to the gut.

After all that, after everything that had just happened.

He still hadn’t dealt with your fucking knees.

“Eren, what the fuck?”

“You trying to kill us all?”

“We trusted you!”

Your blades held steady in your hands, heart pumping in your throat as you were poised to strike at a moment’s notice. Eren transformed out of nowhere, scattering you and your team to the floor, the wooden picnic bench now in splinters where his giant titan hand clutched a small spoon. You ignored the steady trickle of blood down your forehead from where a sharp splint had just sliced your skin, too busy focusing on your new enemy. The only thing standing between you two was your Captain.

“Calm down.” His order was ignored when you only gripped your blades tighter. Call it mutiny, you were not about to back down. Lives were in danger now. The lives of the people you cared about more than anything. He was an idiot for thinking you would just drop it.

“Captain, you’re standing too close, please step away!” At least Petra was on the same wavelength as you, voicing what you were thinking. But he held frustratingly steady, a hand held before him as if to stop you. But he couldn’t stop all of you.

“You’re the ones who need to step away. Stand down. Now.” You vaguely admired him for being able to keep his cool when faced with the drawn blades of the best Scouts in the regiment. “That’s an order.”

You didn’t care if the conviction of the other’s wavered. You were set. Another wrong move and Jaeger wouldn’t be a problem anymore. Erwin would just have to find another hope for humanity. Maybe one that possessed a head.

“Are you an enemy of humanity, or are you not?!” Oluo shouted from your left, Eld, too, holding his blades tighter at the question. You did nothing but wait in panther-like hostility, anticipating the fucking second he would move to kill you all. You wouldn’t let that happen. Not on your life.

“Answer us, Eren!” It was Gunther this time, sounding like he genuinely wanted to believe in the teen. Of course he did, that was Gunther through and through.

“I said stand down.” Levi reiterated, clipping his tone to the point of venom. A quick glance down told you he was talking to you. His Second. You knew he needed you on his side, but when faced with a threat this large, you had to rely on your gut. And he had to move out of the way. Your eyes returned to the struggling kid, but no sympathy entered your veins. Only the cold stone of protection. Bond or not, you still had to rely on yourself in certain situations. It hasn't done you wrong thus far. You could always rely on your gut. Always trust your gut.

You watched as Eren squirmed and wriggled, trying to free himself from the fleshless arm. He could do that if he wanted, he could most likely find himself on the end of your blade though. The moment he came free and fell backwards, you were there. You hadn’t even noticed the arrival of Moblit and Hange, barely registered Levi’s harsh call of your name as your blade swung towards his neck–

Only to stop a hair’s breadth away from his throat. You could almost taste the kid’s fear, and you honestly relished in it. Good. He should be fucking scared. Betrayals like this aren’t taken kindly, and you would happily relieve his head from his shoulders. And you would have done, had your captain not stopped you with a hand grasped firmly on your shoulder. Honestly, if looks could kill, Levi would be six feet under. As would you. The tension was palpable as your entire squad watched a subconscious battle of attrition, a war between wills. A raging clash between ice and fire, stoicism against hotheadedness. The likes of which your squad had never seen. Not once had you clashed so fiercely with Levi before, and it wasn’t honestly a spectacle to witness.

It felt like the charged silence warped on forever, before you slid your gaze from Levi to Eren on the floor, frozen in place. Eyes narrowing, you scrutinised him. Assessed him. Searched him for any fucking shadow of betrayal. It didn’t matter what came up of your search, because you sheathed your blade anyway, watching with a vicious snarl as he scrambled backwards.

With your weapon away, Levi’s eyes shifted to the cut on your forehead, brows pinching in concern. But you honestly weren’t interested in his worries, having been put in an incredibly sour mood after this entire ordeal. You harshly shrugged off his burdened looks and hand from your shoulder, wincing away from his reaching fingers and stalking off away from the camp.

Fuck this.

Now, sitting here back in the small dining room, your opinion may have shifted slightly. Maybe you’d overreacted just a little, though you didn’t really see how you were to blame for that. This was unexplored territory, of course you were going to be on edge. Sure, maybe pointing your razor blade in his neck could be considered ‘going overboard’, but you just called it ‘taking precautions’.

But the atmosphere in the dining room was heavy; laced with unspoken tension. Your squad all gathered around a dimly lit table, Levi standing off to the side slightly whilst Hange spoke to Eren about the spoon he was holding. You didn’t look up from the ground, despite the obvious flaw in your decision making. You didn’t understand how being threatened and acting accordingly was such a terrible thing, but by the look Levi was giving you, fuck you felt that in your soul.

Was he really that disappointed?

Could you really blame him?

“But still… Turning into a titan to pick up a spoon… What the hell’s up with that?” There was clear remorseful confusion on Eren’s face as he stared at his own hand, and in that second you understood just how brazenly you acted. Fuck.

“So basically, you didn’t act against orders on purpose, right?” Gunther asked, keeping a close eye on the kid. You knew you were all feeling the same.

“Right.” Eren responded, and Gunther sighed. You all did. You were wrong. You made the wrong call. Turning to look at Eld, you nodded at each other, same when your eyes met Petra’s. With a heavy heart, you raised your hand to your mouth and bit down on the flesh of your thumb. Hard.

Hange looked slightly panicked at the spectacle before them, but Levi just watched. He understood. He felt the impact of your bite in his own hand, and he understood. Though he knew you bit harder than you needed to. A strain of painful pride blossomed in his chest.

“Wait, what are you doing?” Eren looked between you all in bafflement.

“Ow. Fuck, that was hard. I’m impressed that you can do that, Eren.” Eld chimed, and you couldn’t help but smile. He always knew how to ease tension.

“This is our modest way of apologising after making the wrong call,” Gunther explained, “Not that it really makes a difference now.”

“Our job is to keep you in check after all! That was not a mistake. So don’t get ahead of yourself!” You almost snorted at Oluo’s justification. He never could stand being wrong, and you cringed at how much he tried to sound like the captain.

“I’m sorry, Eren. We were too on edge, and I can understand if you’re upset with us. But despite this, we want you to be able to rely on us, as we rely on you.” You’d almost never heard Petra sound so serious, but you supposed now was the best time for that.

You knew it was your turn to acknowledge what you did. Stepping past your squad, you stood in front of the teen, your jaw set. “Eren… I acted too quickly, and you suffered for it. There’s no justification for how I behaved, and for that I can only apologise. I failed to recognise my job to not only protect my squad, but also you. As acting captain when Levi is away, I take responsibility for the decisions of the squad. And though the captain was present, this one was an error in my judgement.” You placed a hand on his shoulder. “I hope you can still trust us.”

Eren looked utterly stunned, and Levi would have chuckled had he not been so caught off guard by your apology. There was that conviction he admired so much. He’d missed seeing your eyes flare in that way.

“No, I understand. You were just doing your jobs…” Though Eren seemed unsure, you trusted him enough to make his own decision. Whether he could put his faith back in you, that was up for him to decide. You stepped back to the wall, folding your arms over your chest and glancing to where Levi was looking at you.

‘I’m sorry.’ You tried to tell him, searching for that unspoken connection through his eyes. Your breath of relief couldn’t have been sweeter when he responded to you.

‘Forgiven.’ Is all he said. It was all he needed to say. Your resulting release of breath was reward enough.

Hange once again looked between the group awkwardly, not really understanding what the fuck just happened. “Well… now that’s over with, anyone down for a team-building game?” Honestly? Yeah, you were. In fact, you could genuinely think of nothing better than to relieve the tension with some fun.

“What’d ya have in mind?” Eld asked, eyeing you with a quirked grin.

Hange thought for a moment, before a wicked smirk pulled at their lips. “Kiss or strip?”

“Hange, Eren’s fifteen years old. And why do all your games involve stripping?” You were a little surprised Levi chimed in. You honestly weren’t expecting him to stick around. But the idea of him staying to join you sent your stomach flipping.

“I uh– actually I’m probably going to head to bed. Today was… draining.”

You pursed your lips to stop yourself from smiling at the obvious blush across poor Eren’s cheeks. You can’t blame the kid, you’d known your squad for years now, so stripping in front of them wasn’t an issue. Plus, you were all much older than him. You didn’t expect him to want to kiss any of you.

“Ah! Excellent. Sleep well, Eren. Right, everyone in a circle. Anybody got a bottle?” Hange asked the moment Eren left the room. You sighed heavily, taking a seat on the floor next to Eld.

“We should have expected this.” He muttered to you.

“We really should have.”

“Right!” Hange clapped their hands together, rubbing them slightly in excitement. Walls they were really terrifying sometimes. Placing a bottle in the middle, their manic eyes scanned the circle. “Who wants to go first?”

“Just spin it, Hange, nobody ever wants to go first.” You heart leapt. So he was going to join you! You felt Eld elbow you gently in the ribs, wiggling his eyebrows at your resulting scowl. Mentally cursing his name, Hange spun the glass in the centre, the neck landing on Moblit sitting next to them.

See, the thing with the Scouts, or at least the veterans, was that nobody was really out of bounds. Even so, on the list of things you thought you would see today, Levi and Moblit sharing a romantic moment was not one of them. If you weren’t so into him, you would almost root for their newly budding relationship. Even if a distant part of you was genuinely jealous at the fact fucking Moblit got a kiss before you did.

After Hange and Gunther, the bottle landed on Oluo and Petra, and you watched to your absolute hilarity as Petra removed her jacket and handed it to him. You glanced at Eld in confusion, and he shrugged back at you. Petra never did explain what happened between them. Hange spun the bottle again, the neck landing on you. You were pretty comfortable with your entire squad, Hange and Moblit included, so the thought of having to kiss any of them didn’t really spark anything. Until you remembered Levi was playing, and suddenly it was like you couldn’t sit still.

You couldn’t tell whether you were relieved or disappointed when the bottle landed on you again. Usually that would mean you would drink, but with the severe lack of alcohol, during this specific rendition, it just meant you’d kiss the person to your left.

“Been a long time coming.” Eld grinned as you faced him.

“And whose fault is that?” You quipped back, folding your arms with a beam twice as bright. Without another word, Eld leaned down and quickly pecked your lips. You heard Petra’s gasp of delight across the circle, and made a mental note to hit her over the head after this game.

“Anything?” Eld ask having pulled back, and you could safely say you were being truthful when you shook your head.

“About as sparkless as wet flint. Sorry, Pet.” You threw her pouting face a wink, before Hange nodded in approval.

“Fair enough! Right neeeeeext up!” Hange spun the bottle again, and your calmed nerves flared up again the moment it landed back on you. Was this bottle weighted?

“Again? Damn, you’re really being favoured tonight,” Gunther snorted, and you rolled your eyes.

“Hardly.” You replied, uncrossing your legs and leaning back on your palms. It was extremely unlikely, right? Yeah, the odds weren’t in your favour with this game, and the probability of the bottle landing on Levi was so low that–

Well then.

You swallowed.

So did he.

So much for low probabilities. The neck of the bottle taunted you by shaking slightly, before settling on your captain. Though you were nervous, excitement also fizzed in your gut. Finally, finally. You’d waited far too long for this. Though it was in a silly game, you thought this still counted, right? Yeah, this still counted. Your eyes met across the circle, and you could see that same spark of trepidation in his own steel irises. Fair enough, he too was nervous. That just made this slightly more special. You smiled to try to put him at ease, before freezing in your seat, expression stuck.

Levi took his jacket off.

You blinked, slightly confused. Was he just warm? Or–

All your questions were answered when he handed it to you. Oh, this was nothing like the last time he did that. This was… this hurt.

You were almost too stunned to take it, your numb fingers hooking beneath the leather and laying it down by your side. You almost wanted to take off the one you were wearing, also being his and all. You mildly appreciated the way Eld settled his hand over the one you were leaning on, trying to provide some semblance of comfort whilst you suffered this harsh slap in the face from reality.

Before that slap became a full on kick when the bottle landed on him and Petra, and he did kiss her.

Eld squeezed your hand.

You didn’t get it. You couldn’t get it. Had this whole fucking thing been some kind of sick, twisted joke? Had this whole thing been some fucked up game he’d been playing? Was he really that bored to the point he would fuck with your emotions like this? Were you even really bound? Or was that all bullshit too? Did he just fucking pretend? Was this all pretend?

You didn’t even register the rest of the game, thanking whatever merciful divinity intervened with fate and left you unpicked. Though the fucking second Hange released you all from their clutches, you were up and gone. Striding up the stairs and down the hall.

He called your name. You hadn't even realised he’d been following you until now, but this time you didn’t stop. You just kept walking, driven by a kind of hurt you’d never felt before. You wouldn’t cry. Not over this. You refused to. You’d been through so much worse than this, and yet this hurt so much more than anything else. Why? You thought you were good at handling rejection. You handled rejection from Eld pretty well, even if he didn't technically reject you. So why the fuck was this splitting your soul apart? You kept walking, heedless of Levi’s calls after you. You’d never been so angry. At everything. At yourself for reacting in such a strong way, at Levi for whatever the fuck that was, at Hange for even suggesting this stupid fucking game. You just wanted to go home. Fuck this mission, fuck these experiments, and fuck your stupid fucking, confusing, mixed signal giving, grumpy faced, irritatingly good-looking, annoyingly sweet, stupid fucking captain–

“Please, just stop,” you’d been too caught up in your head to hear his footsteps close in on you, only noticing the moment his hand wrapped around your swinging wrist, stopping you in your tracks. You didn’t turn. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of showing him you were upset. Fuck him.

Levi found himself at a loss. He didn’t know how to explain himself. He’d wanted to kiss you. Shit, he’s wanted to kiss you for so fucking long, but just… not in front of everyone. Not for your first kiss. And shamefully, he didn’t know if he could control himself. The bond he had to you had done things to him, made him feel things he’s never even felt a whisper of before. Disgusting, repulsive, filthy things he was so fucking ashamed of he could barely look you in the eye most days. But he couldn’t let you leave thinking he did what he did because he didn’t want to kiss you.

“Let go…” It was a weak attempt, but you tried to pull your hand from his grip, only for his hold to tighten. You grit your teeth. “Levi, let go of me.”

Every fibre of your self control was poured into keeping your voice steady, though your hand shook slightly. “I swear to the fucking Walls Levi if you don’t let go of me I will hurt you.” Physically or emotionally, you weren’t sure yet. You just wanted him to hurt as much as you were right now.

Little did you know he already did. You didn’t have to turn around for him to know you were in agony. He could fucking feel it, only made worse by the fact that was all his fault. He hated it; despised this feeling. But he couldn’t hold you against your will, so he reluctantly let go. He felt like all his prayers were answered when you didn’t immediately leave.

“I couldn’t.” It was as much of an explanation as he could manage right now. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how he could make this feeling go away.

“I don’t understand.” His heart shattered at the confused desperation lacing your now quaking voice. “I don’t get it. One moment I think there’s something between us, but then it’s like I don’t exist. No, it's worse than that. It’s like you can’t bear to be around me. I’m sorry I fucked up today. I’m sorry I ignored your orders and undermined your authority, but fuck! I didn’t think you hated me this much, Levi. Enough to mess me around like this. Enough to be more comfortable kissing Petra than kissing me. So I’m going to give you two choices–” you finally turned, eyes hardened with heartbroken rage, “Sever the bond between us, and stay the fuck away from me. I’ll transfer squads and we won’t have to see each other nearly as much,”

No. He wasn’t doing that. He couldn’t do that. It would most likely kill him, as selfish as that was. He didn’t want to be away from you, being away from you wasn’t an option. And the thought of severing the bond… his blood burned from the inside at the thought. It was physically painful to even consider.

“Or,” – you continued – “you talk to me. Just… tell me what’s going on. Because I genuinely can’t continue with things as they are between us. I don’t know where to go, I don’t know where I stand. I can never tell if i’m important to you or if i’m worth the same as the fucking dirt off your boots. And it’s agony, Levi. I don’t know if you know, but it’s–”

“I know.” That made you stop. You hadn’t taken a moment to really look at him, too trapped in your own pain to open your eyes and see him suffering from it. It was the moment that pushed you over the edge, two tears finally spilling down your cheeks.

“Then why?” Your voice broke slightly. “If you can feel this too then, I don’t understand… Why?”

“Because I don’t fucking know what I’m doing,” Levi ran a hand through his hair, muttering an exasperated curse. “It’s not that I don’t want to kiss you. Fuck, I’ve wanted to kiss you for so fucking long but I don’t– shit. I don’t know if I’d– I can’t– Fuck.”

You almost wanted to leave. You almost wanted to turn around and leave this conversation, and him, behind. You didn’t want to stand here in pain anymore. “Levi…”

“This fucking bond. It’s– I don’t know, it’s fucking done something. I just– I can’t fucking stop myself. I can’t stop myself when it comes to you. And I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself there either. I just fucking can’t, and I need to know you… want this, before anything happens.”

You both fell silent. You, processing what he’d just said, and Levi, waiting in throat-constricting anticipation.

“So… you didn’t want to kiss me because you were afraid of getting hard in front of everyone?” You asked, the slight wry mischief in your tone shining through the heartache.

Levi sighed in embarrassed relief. “Somethin’ like that.” He muttered, unable to meet your gaze. Until your soft hand on the side of his cheek guided him back to your gentle visage.

“Do you see me pulling back?” You questioned quietly, and Levi swallowed hard. You’d used his words against him, and honestly… that was the final straw. Searching your eyes one last time for any semblance of doubt, the moment his search came up empty, Levi closed the gap between you, and pressed his lips to yours.

Fuck, they were just as soft as he imagined. He felt your release of held breath against his cupid’s bow as you relaxed, your hold on his cheek slackening to your arms draping over his shoulders. It took all of his willpower not to cum in his fucking pants just from kissing you.

You whimpered quietly as his arms snaked around your waist, holding you close. You never thought your first kiss with him would be in the middle of a dark castle hallway, but honestly it was candid enough that you really didn’t mind. You daringly ran your tongue along the seam of his closed mouth, and at his soft groan, something in you locked into place.

It seemed Levi felt it as well, as you both pulled away from each other abruptly, eyes wide in hungry awe. Arousal thundered through your veins, and all your clothes suddenly felt suffocating. You stared at each other for what felt like far too long…

Before Levi tugged you back against him, and borderline attacked your mouth. Roaming hands slid from your back to your ass, gripping tightly as he hoisted you up against the wall, tugging your thighs around his hips. Levi moaned against your lips as you opened your mouth, allowing for him to taste you, and for you to taste him.

He doesn’t know why he expected anything else. Of course you tasted sweet, you tasted like fucking strawberries. He didn’t know if it was the bond making your taste like his favourite goddamn fruit, but he honestly couldn’t have cared less at this moment. He just wanted to taste you. To feel you. Fuck, he just wanted you.

You tightened your legs around his hips, sucking on his tongue as you ground your dampening cunt against his growing arousal, dragging a cracked whine from his throat. Your hands yanked against his cravat, loosening it around his neck and not bothering to take it off before you borderline ripped the first few buttons open on his shirt. You’d never felt this kind of desperation before, never felt this insatiable hunger for somebody else’s body before. But you sure as shit could get used to it.

You’d barely managed to expose his collar before your lips were against his neck, suckling sweet bruises into his pale skin, only barely having the mind to leave them below his shirt’s neckline. You felt his grunting against your tongue as you left a trail of saliva along the side of his throat.

Levi could do nothing but pant into your hair and pulse his hips into the apex of your thighs, eyes rolling as your teeth scraped against his pulse point. He almost told you to suckle there, but he had the same thought. He didn’t want you to leave marks where they could be seen. Your soft lips travelled up to his ear, nibbling and nipping against the flesh of his helix, your breath hot and damp. He wanted to turn the tides, but he was completely helpless to your assault, bucking into you as your nails scratched against the fuzz of his undercut.

You felt the tingles in your own hair, the bites on your own body as you skipped back down to his collarbone, biting harshly against his skin and watching in satisfaction as the blood rushed to the surface, colouring the patch a dark purple. You went to make another, before being harshly shoved back by your dishevelled looking partner. A gorgeous rouge had spread across his cheeks and down his neck, his hair mussed from your groping as his heated glare shot straight to your soaking core.

“My turn.” Was all he hissed, before his mouth devoured the valley between your neck and your shoulder. You felt him shiver as his teeth sank into your flesh tongue soothing the hurt before moving an inch down and repeating the same action. His hands were rough in removing any clothing obstacles from his path, the neckline of your t-shirt cracking as it was stretched beyond its shape, before snapping completely.

“Fuck, Levi…” That was his name you were moaning. His name you were whimpering as he trailed kisses down the valley of your breasts. Your head fell back against the wall, hands returning to his hair to grab and paw at. Levi groaned against you, mouth occupied with suckling blossoms into your skin before you unhooked your legs from around his hips.

He understood the message, gently setting you down on your feet, but he kept his hands around you, still holding your waist as his nipping mouth travelled back up the side of your neck to leave a lingering kiss against your lips. Pulling back a fraction, you panted heavily against each other, mouths barely grazing. You were the first to speak.

“I really don’t want to fuck you in a hallway, Levi, but I fucking swear if we don’t move somehwere else I will suck you dry here and now.”

Levi felt his cock pulse desperately at the husk in your voice, the temptation in your ‘threat’ messing with his arousal-clouded head.

“As tempting as option B is…” he didn’t finish his sentence before picking you back up in his arms, your legs now wrapping around his abdomen instinctually. “I want to take you to bed.”

The smile you gave him cut through the heady heat in his mind, the way your eyes lit up and sparkled in the flickering torchlight, the corners of your mouth pulling up into a dazzling beam. Levi always found you attractive, but the woman he was gazing at now was positively ethereal. Haloed by orange light, he brushed messy, loose strands of hair from your face, supporting you in his hold with one arm.

“You’re so pretty,” he murmured almost absently, eyes tracing the way gentle pink slowly saturated your cheeks. You really were gorgeous to him. Complete perfection. Your lack of response had him grinning slightly, knowing he’d flustered you. He made a mental note to tell you how beautiful you were everyday, before you hid yourself in the crook of his neck, paying him back by softly teasing against an unknown sensitive spot just behind his ear.

Levi felt you shiver in his arms as he carried you down the hall, knees weakening with each kitten lick of your tongue against his skin. His straining cock throbbed with each step, begging for something, anything, to relieve the heated throbbing that had accumulated between his thighs. Briefs and pants rubbing uncomfortably against his sensitive tip, and with your teeth scraping down his neck, it was all he could do to just keep walking, teeth grit against the primal urge to set you down and let you have your way with him. But Levi swallowed his pride.

“P-please, I can’t– fuck, just s-stop for a moment, because at this rate we’re not going to make it somewhere quiet.” You chuckled darkly at his use of the word ‘we’, but acquiesced nonetheless. Levi huffed a relieved breath, thankful for the slow in pace, before shouldering open the nearest bedroom door. He knew you weren’t exactly happy with him for the spring clean yesterday afternoon, but he couldn’t be more grateful that all the rooms had fresh, new sheets and bedwear.

Levi kicked the door closed behind him, setting you down for the second time. Your feet touched the ground for all of one moment before you pushed him up against the door, mouth latching back against the spot on his neck that made him ask you to stop. But this time, no such request came your way. Nimble fingers popped open the remaining buttons of his shirt, revealing his chiselled torso and marble cut abs. Shoving back the fabric of both his jacket and shirt, you set your mouth lower on his chest, leaving fresh maroon marks against his pale skin with your teeth.

Shuddering, Levi let his shirt and jacket drop to the floor, for once not caring about how messy it would look, and your hands instantly slid up his front, ghosting over his naval. He cracked a soft whimper at your attention, squirming slightly as you mouthed closer to his nipple. You looked up at his expression wryly, lips still attached to his chest, before enveloping his pebbled sensitivity in your mouth.

You moaned slightly in response to his airy cry, your own arousal spiking as you felt his pleasure. Levi’s back arched, pushing his chest into your mouth, writhing as your tongue flicked over his little bud. His hands threaded through your hair, his scalp tingling in an echo, as you shoved your thigh between his legs. You pulled back to mutter a curse as he started to grind against your leg, clit throbbing in tandem with each rock of his hips.

You switched sides, showing his other nipple attention whilst you rolled the one abandoned between your thumb and forefinger. Your pitched whines sent shivers down his spine, his soaked cock twitching in response. Levi’s eyes rolled back into his head, hands moving to your waist as he rocked himself against your thigh. With a final harsh suck against his nipple, wrenching another airy yelp from him, you buried your nose in the side of his neck, encouraging his movements by jolting your leg against his clothed length, your cunt throbbing.

“Y-yeah, k-keep doing that, f–ah-aah! Fuck that feels so fucking good ‘Vi.” You moaned in his ear, feeling his grip on your waist tighten at your words.

“You can–nghaah! Y-you feel that?” he stuttered, barely able to form a sentence, the friction becoming too much to handle. You tugged on his hair in response, his eyes flying open, draw dropping with an embarrassingly loud groan.

“Yeah, yeah I c-can feel it,” you nodded erratically, feeling the thrusts of his hips increase to a desperate, sloppy rhythm. You felt the build of his high in your own approaching orgasm. You weren’t even being stimulated directly and yet you were going to cum. Hard.

Bliss bubbled in his loins, a feeling he now recognised. Fuck he was getting close, so so fucking close. He swore if this stopped like the first time he would genuinely break down crying. It clicked just as you leaned into his ear.

“Make us cum, Levi.”

Clenching his teeth did nothing against the plethora of strangled moans he let loose upon reaching his high. Levi shuddered hard as his pleasure crested into bliss, his head lightly thumping against the door, cumming in his pants. Losing control of his hips, you just managed to take over through your own shaking euphoria, whining softly into his ear with your leg still grinding against his twitching length, head pulsing dribbling seed from his sensitive tip, drenching the front of his briefs.

You cunt clenched around nothing when you felt his orgasm as your own. Honey laced your blood as you buried your head in his neck, riding out your simultaneous peaks. Your high pitched whisper of his name had him growling yours in response, arms coming up to hold you close to him.

Levi shivered as he came down from his high, though his cock still throbbed desperately. He needed you. He needed to feel you, to be inside you. But through the slightly cleared arousal, he managed to form some kind of thought.

“That was you…” he strained, still holding you tight against him.

“What was me?”

“I could feel you. Shit, I could feel you fuck yourself… Walls, you’re insatiable. Twice? Really? I had to leave that fucking meeting because of you. Sh-shit that’s… that’s so–” Levi cut himself off with a soft groan as you pulled your thigh away from his crotch. You would have felt guilty, had you not just paid him back. Not only that, but he must have cum twice that day as well.

You started to suckle on his neck again, finding it almost impossible to attach your lips to a patch of skin without a hickey. “That was entirely your fault. And you’re also guilty, Mister ‘I jerked off last night,’” you murmured against him.

“How the fuck were either of those times my fault?” Levi asked dazedly, slowly sliding his jacket from your shoulders, taking the pace down slightly. Now the initial frenzy seemed to have calmed, he wanted to take his time with you, though his raging hard-on protested blindly.

You smiled slightly at the ghostly touch of his fingers on your skin, goosebumps prickling as he raised your t-shirt up to your midriff, nodding in confirmation after he paused for consent, before raising your arms to help him remove it. You watched his eyes widen slightly, the same expression he made briefly when he knocked on your dorm room door that morning, and you emerged half-clothed. In fact, you were wearing the exact same things as you were now. Your binding and uniform pants. Only missing the loose hanging harness from your hips. Leaning back in, you took his hands and placed them back on your body, brushing your nose against his. “Because you should have just kissed me that day. After poker. I wanted you to. Would have saved us both a lot of trouble,” you smirked against his lips.

Levi huffed, barely able to focus as he felt your body for the first time. Your skin ignited beneath his touch, and he marvelled at the way your muscles clenched slightly. You were so sensitive, reacting to his fingertips softly grazing up to your breasts, the slightest hint of two peaks pushing through the fabric. Fuck he wanted to take them in his mouth, but all in good time, he reminded himself. He fiddled with the elastic hem of the binding, idly admiring your face. “I wanted to. You were very tempting that night. I liked watching you strip.”

You snorted a laugh, cupping the side of his face with your palm and smoothing the bone of his cheek with your thumb. “I’m kind of glad you didn’t,” Levi raised a brow of confusion, and you pressed a kiss to his swollen lips. “Means this feels so much better.”

Lifting your arms again, you let him drag your binding up your shoulders, joining the growing pile of clothes on the floor. With your breasts now free, Levi seemed to have stopped working. Mouth slightly agape, he stared wide-eyed at your naked torso, unable to form any kind of thought. His dick felt like it was going to snap in half if it wasn’t freed soon, still stewing in the mess of his previous orgasm.

“Fuck… Fuck! Look at you… Shit you’re just– fuck, you’re fucking gorgeous.” You kept eye contact as you sauntered backwards, hand sliding down his arm to lace your fingers together, leading him further into the room. You bit your lip sensually as you smiled, slowly looking him up and down as you kicked off your boots.

“Wait ‘til you see the rest.”

Levi crossed with purpose and plunged his mouth back onto yours, no hesitation in the invasion of his tongue. You leapt up into him, letting his arms support and carry you to the bed against the far corner. Without being able to see where he was going, the second his knees hit the edge of the bed, Levi let himself fall forward, his tongue still lapping at the roof of your mouth as the covers and mattress cushion your fall. His wandering hands set fire to your already heated core, desperation spiking when he moved from your mouth down to your jaw, peppering soft little presses down your throat, nipping against your protruding collarbone.

Hands found soft hair as you laced your fingers in his locks, breath hitching as his rough tongue licked a column up the valley of your breasts, turning his head slightly and biting against the soft flesh of your inner mound. You breathed a whimper, hot breath inching ever closer to your own pebbled sensitivity. Only after quietly begging him, did he finally close his lips over your nipple, sucking against the electric peak. You arched into his touch, feeling the vibrations of his own moaning against your breast.

Levi switched to your other bud, hands ghosting along the hem of your pants, slowly flicking the buckle of your belt free and pinching your zipper between his thumb and forefinger. Not that you could even think to notice with his teeth clamping down on your nipple, tongue flitting over the hardened pebble in apology, before performing the exact same dance. Grinding his hips into the bedspread below, Levi hooked his fingers into your pants, dragging the fabric down your thighs as you raised up slightly to help him. His mouth left your chest, biting a bath down your stomach, over your navel to your pelvis. You kicked off your uniform pants, quivering as only a thin layer of fabric separated your heat from his touch.

He almost drooled as you opened your legs for him, eyes instantly trained on the darker patch at your apex where your slick had soaked through the fabric. Your breath heaved as he nipped at the sensitive flesh of your inner thighs, huffing a small laugh when he whimpered, having felt it too.

Your scent invaded his nose as he brushed against your ruined underwear, his cock twitching in anticipation. Inhaling again, his eyes rolled back when his hips bucked into the sheets below, savouring the few moments of arousal charged hesitation, before setting his mouth over that dark patch on the fabric, and sucking hard.

Your head fell back against the pillows, groaning carnally to the ceiling, his own vibrating against your swollen clit. You heard the scrunching of fabric as he continued to grind into the mattress, your slick bud pulsing along with every thrust. It was strange to feel the sharp echo of a different pleasure, and you wanted so much to explore with him. To see where each part of yourselves resembled the other. For now, all you understood was that when the tip of his cock was stimulated, you felt it in your clit.

Levi’s tongue poked out to slowly and gently circle over your cunt, pushing the fabric of your underwear further into your soaking hole and watching as your slick saturated through more of the cloth. Fuck that was hot. But he was getting tired of all these layers, specifically on you. Even one was too much. Kissing back up to your hip, he took the hem of your underwear between his teeth, and you almost came at the sight of him dragging them down your thighs with his fucking mouth. You kicked them off the second they were low enough.

Levi swore. And again. And a third time as you parted your legs and exposed your dripping cunt to him, positively glistening in the low light. If he was being honest, he didn’t really know what he was doing. He’d only had one experience previously, and he didn’t even cum during that. But he had the extra help of feeling your own pleasure, knowing roughly that if it felt good for him on his body, it felt better for you on yours.

Before he could start, however, you sat up and instantly set your hands on his belt. Understanding your urgency, Levi let you remove it for him, grunting as you snapped it from his waist. His heart and cock lurched as you looked at it for a moment too long, clearly contemplating something, before deciding against it and dropping the leather to the floor. He couldn’t say he wasn’t a little relieved.

Shoving his pants down, he stood to slide them down his legs and kick them off along with his boots. Your breath caught audibly when his rock hard length bobbed against the soaking tent in his briefs. Your teeth sank into your lower lip again as his thumbs hooked under the hem, attempting to stifle your drooling as he pulled his underwear down as well. You swore you came a little at the sight.

Fuck, he was beautiful. Tip all flushed pink, the same colour as his sore, bitten lips. His shaft pulsating, coated in a shining, thin sheen of his own cum. Your wandering eye spied a delicious looking vein running up the underside, and you ached to run your tongue down it.

“Come here.” You held your arms out to him, and Levi’s heart doubled in size at the gesture. Though the moment he got close enough, you stopped him from clambering back on the bed with you. Hands against his waist, he let you guide him to stand next to where you were sitting instead. “‘M gonna clean you up, okay?”

Levi swallowed, nodding slightly as he attempted to steady himself. But the second your hand wrapped around him and your tongue delivered a kitten lick to his tip, all preparations flew out the window. His jaw slacked open with a sharp gasp, barely able to stand the sight of you lying on your front, playing with the head of his cock. He moaned along with you the second your lips puckered around his tip, hands fisting in your hair as the slick muscle of your tongue swept circles over his sensitive slit, watching with slight awe as your hips squirmed into the bed. He made his mind up then not to let you make him cum. He had a feeling the score wasn’t even close to being settled between you two, knowing that you had now made him cum three times, and he’d only made you cum once.

Your teasing circles grew in circumference, before you flattened your tongue and took him further down your throat, dragging your muscle against that vein you’d seen earlier and drawing a gravelly whimper from his throat. Though you’d promised only to clean him up, you couldn’t help continuing, spurred on by your own stimulation and his carnal noises.

“Fuck… that’s– Y-yeah, ‘s good, so good…!” Levi’s hips bucked as your moaning vibrations echoed in his cock, his hands tightening in your hair. All your senses were consumed with him, his gently salty tang coating your tastebuds, the smell of his cedar soap a cooling balm for your nose as you had to compensate for the loss of your mouth. The feel of him on your tongue, throbbing and pulsing, thigh tensing beneath your hand. You could barely crane your neck up to watch his expression twist and contort in pleasure, eyes two pools of inky black, hair mussed and dishevelled. Fuck he looked so good. You held him in your throat, listening to his broken whines, just about able to squeeze out a whimper of your own as you cunt clenched around nothing.

“O-off, fuck, st-stop! Don’t wan-nghahaah! Don’t w-wanna cum y-yet!” You relinquished your hold on his shaft, licking up the precum oozing from his tip. Levi panted heavily, his hands loosening their hold in your hair, only to run his fingers through his own. “Fuck, you’re way too good at that…” You grinned wildly, rolling onto your back and once again guiding him by his waist. His thigh brushed the inside of yours as you welcomed him into your hold, hands holding himself up either side of your head. You looked angelic. Hair splayed in a messy halo, lips bitten and raw, chest heaving. The angle looked oddly familiar, and you both smiled at the realisation.

You took a contented breath. You’d expected a few more nerves when sleeping with Levi for the first time, but nothing had felt more natural or more comfortable before in your life. You felt cared for, worshipped. Loved. The faint echo of another heartbeat synced in your chest, and nothing had felt more right. Your thumb swept across his cheekbone, and you melted when he instantly leant into your touch. It had been far too long since you lips were on his, and Levi seemed to agree, eagerly opening his mouth when you arched up into him

A mixture of his own taste and your natural sweetness greeted him like a warm hearth, his hips rolling into your heat in response. You answered, hand skirting down to take him in your palm, and position him at your aching, needy cunt. Levi pulled back, gazing into your widened pupils.

“You want this?” He had to ask. He had to have explicit confirmation from you. Bond of no bond, love or just lust, he had to have your verbal consent. He would never be able to live with himself if you regretted anything today. “I don’t know what will happen between us after… I don’t know how far this bond will go, but after this… I don’t think there’s any going back.” You’d honestly never heard such sweeter words.

“I don’t want to go back. I want to explore this with you, I want to have this with you. I just want you, Levi.” The corners of your eyes crinkled as you smiled up at his expression of slack-jawed awe.

“Can… Can you say that again?” He asked quietly, unable to take his eyes off you. You pushed his bangs back, cradling his cheek in your palm.

“I just want you.”

Unable to speak, Levi stooped down and poured all his gratitude and adoration into your mouth, his tongue lapping against yours as he slowly, tenderly pushed the tip of his cock through your folds. You gasped against his lips, clit pounding as you sucked him in. Fuck, you’d barely started and you were already on the edge of an orgasm. You knew Levi felt it too, judging by the way he had to stop to just breathe, burying his head in your neck to try and quiet himself. But his groaning vibrated against your skin.

Nothing you’d ever experienced had felt this good. The echo of his own pleasure throbbed in your cunt, your walls convulsing against his shaft as he pushed a little further inside, once again having to stop. It was torture of the best kind. Feeling him bob and twitch inside you, his teeth on your shoulder, your nails down his back. You could feel all of it.

As could he. Which is why Levi could only move so much before his thighs started to shake again. Fuck, he was only halfway inside you and it was already too much. Every micro-movement had his balls pulsing, his tip leaking desperately inside you, essences merging. It was so much and so good. You felt so silky, wrapping around him like that, heat scorching against his sensitive cock. You were so fucking tight, so wet he could almost hear the squelching of every helpless buck of your hips.

Inhaling a deep breath, Levi bit down harder on your shoulder, taking the leap and fully sheathing himself inside you. Your loud, broken moans danced with each other, your nails digging further into the muscles of his back. Chest heaving, breath heavy, Levi pulled back again to survey how you were doing. No better than him, he saw, though your delighted, slightly delusional smile could light up funerals.

“Good?” He managed to breath, gritting his teeth against your walls clenching around him.

You nodded, your sweat slicked hair sticking to your forehead. “Y-yeah, that’s one word for it. Fuck ‘Vi you feel fucking incredible.” Wrapping your legs around his hips, heels pressed into his lower back, you started to grind your cunt against his pelvis.

“Haa-aah! Fuck! Don’t… don’t do that. And st… stop fucking clenching like that! Gonna make me cum t-too soon.” He sounded a lot whinier than he meant to, pleading and begging with you rather than asking you. Your juices gushed at the sound of his cracking voice, his composure torn to shreds.

You fucking giggled at his desperation laced tone, and he punished you for it with a quick thrust. Your amusement turned instantly to bliss, forcing another pitched gasp from your chest. Of course, he wasn’t unaffected, and Levi learnt pretty quickly that any punishments for you fell back on him tenfold.

He pulled out a fraction, withdrawing his hips from the crease of your thighs, before pushing back in. It was all he could handle at the moment, these fractional micromovements. He assumed, under normal circumstances, they would do nothing for an ordinary partner. But you seemed just as affected as he was, keeping eye contact whilst he managed to fall into some kind of slow, sensual rhythm. Sweat beaded on his brow, slipping down the side of his head as you leaned up to press your lips against his. It was nothing more than soft contact and an exchange of breath. More than enough.

You followed his lead with pacing, back arching into his thrusts as he started to find himself. Your brows pinched, mouth dropping open with a stuttering whine as he brushed that spot inside you that sent you cross-eyed. What you weren’t expecting, however, was for Levi to suddenly slam his hips against yours, right into that same spot with a shattering cry. If it didn’t feel so good for you, you would have asked if something was wrong. You managed another question instead.

“Wh-where?” You asked. ‘Where do you feel it?’

Levi kept up his sudden change in pace, his balls slapping against the seam of your ass. “Haah, ah, in-inside! I– I don’t kn-aah! F-feels good!” You understood, too incoherent to unpack whatever the fuck that meant. You mewled along with him, eyes rolling into your skull as you became nothing but a ball of ecstacy.

Keeping a steady rhythm soon became impossible, urgency fueling every buck of his hips, the dragging of your walls down his cock coercing him ever closing to a blinding high. He didn’t know if he would survive, honestly, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he was only vaguely concerned about noise. Only to find that he didn’t really care. Not when you were writhing and squirming beneath him.

The moment your fingertip glazed over your clit, Levi lost all control. Grabbing your wrist, he shoved your hand back above your head, replacing your fingers with his own. His tip throbbed and pulsed in stimulation, and he felt the knot in his gut tighten exponentially.

“Don’t… ngha-haah! Fuck! Don’t stop… ‘Vi, sh-shit, don’t– don’t stop. Feels s-so fucking good.”

You started whimpering his name over and over again like some kind of mantra, throwing your head back with a cracked scream when he shoved your thighs from around his waist over his shoulders. He was no better with his volume, eyes falling shut as he borderline wailed from the shift of angle, that foreign sensitivity inside him stimulated to the point of numbness.

Your hands clawed the sheets beside your head, and Levi couldn’t help taking them into his own, threading your fingers together as you approached your highs together. Leaning down, you whimpered as he stretched your legs.

“I’m yours, Levi.”

The world seemed to fracture for a moment, before knotting back together as he was thrown over the edge by your words. Your mouth dropped open, back bowing to the point of possession as you let the embers of the bond consume you. Pleasure ripped through your veins like a hurricane as you clenched around his pulsating cock. You couldn’t tell if you were screaming, blood pumping too loudly in your ears to hear anything. All you knew was white. All you knew was stars and ecstasy. All you knew was him.

Levi threw his head back, eyes rolling and screwing shut as his hips slammed into your own one final time before he came with a roar of your name. Length twitching and quivering, he released himself into your soft cunt, painting your walls white with each wave of stuttering euphoria. He found himself bucking into your relentlessly, silently begging you to milk him for all he’s worth, your slick heat trapping him in a vice grip. Rope after rope of his seed spilled into your insatiable pussy, his toes curling with the endless crashing of pleasure.

Levi stayed sheathed inside you, slowly moving your legs down from his shoulders before collapsing into your sweat soaked body. He could hear your heartbeat in your chest, and feel it in his own. Stronger than before.

You felt both light and heavy at the same time. You felt both lost and found. A dichotomy of emotions roiling in your mind, but there was one thing you could settle on. You felt whole. That echoing thumping in your chest louder than before. Each brush of your fingers against his skin was felt as if it were against your own. Something had made a home in your heart, mind and soul. No, not something. Not just someone. Levi.

“Do you…?” You were almost afraid to ask if he felt it as well, but when he managed to lift his head from your chest to look you in the eye, and the moment you saw silver slivers line his irises, you knew he did. He felt it too.

You both whimpered slightly as he finally pulled out, huffing a breath against the salty skin of your neck. Levi’s arms slowly wrapped around your body, turning you both so you were lying on his chest. He honestly just wanted to hold you. Though he’d just been as close to you as one person could possibly get to another, he just wanted to feel you against him. He’d never been so completely overcome with a sense of belonging before. But here, now, lying with you resting against the combined rhythm of your beating hearts, is where he found his home.

Something shifted down the Ackerman bloodline. A bond had been solidified, another branch from his ancestral tree snapping into place. Levi felt it in his blood, and judging by your searching eyes, you too noticed.

“You alright?” He asked tenderly, swiping your hair from your brow. You shifted upwards to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

“More than alright. I like feeling your heart.” He understood what you meant. Though your fingers rested over his chest, he knew you meant his rhythm in your heart. “I just want to know what else this… unlocks? Don’t really know how to describe that, but I just, I can feel you.” You nuzzled into his neck and his hand came to cradle your head. “And I wanna find out where you feel everything. ‘Inside’ wasn’t exactly very descriptive.” You teased, earning yourself a light slap to your side.

“I’ll draw you up a map next time.” Levi’s soul chimed along with your laugh. Should he say it? Would now be a good time? Or were those words too weighty for your first time together? They felt a bit too much, the night already charged with heightened emotion. Did he even need to say it? You most likely felt it anyway, but he knew he would need to say it at some point. More than that, he wanted to say it. Just… not yet.

Levi sighed contently, going to turn onto his side and tuck you safely into his chest, before the slight movement from his legs prompted a small wince. You, of course, noticed it.

“You okay?” His thumb instantly smoothed the crease of worry between your brows.

“‘M fine. I just, I knew I was out of practice, but fuck my thighs burn.” Your brows furrowed in brief confusion, before softening in instant realisation.

“Oh, that’s actually probably mine. You’re not the only one out of practice.”

“You feel like this every time?”

“Not every time. Only the times when my partner decides to fucking bend me in half.” You sharply bit at his nose and he waved you off.

“Tch, it felt good, didn’t it?”

“Wait ‘til you feel the cramps of my periods, Levi. This is fucking nothing in comparison.” You cackled as his expression fell to something of genuine fear. He hadn’t even thought about that. “Looks like it’ll be me bringing you soup and tea.” You grinned, your tongue poking out between your teeth. He adored it.

He shifted again, grunting in discomfort as the pain in your thighs barked in protest. “You’re gonna have to carry me to the shower. I can’t move.” You cackled again, and Levi thought that if he died now, he would be happy.

“If I'd known I was going to be bound to a two hundred pound man child I would have thought twice. Carry yourself.” You attempted to shove him but he only made himself heavier, now having shifted back on top of you.

“No, you wouldn’t have. You are bound to a two hundred pound man-child. And this man-child is in pain. Where’s your compassion?”

“In my cunt along with your leaking cum.”

“Fucking Walls you can’t just casually say shit like that!” Levi felt the vibrations of your laughter in his chest, melting further into your embrace when your hands gently sifted through his hair, scratching lightly against the fuzz of his undercut. “Don’t do that either, we need to clean up.” He mumbled sleepily into your skin. Naturally, you didn’t stop, feeling the pull of sleep on your own lids.

“We can doze for a few minutes…” You mumbled into his hair as he wrapped his arms around your middle once again, and turned you on your side, this time his head tucked into your chest.

“Fine… but don’t fall asleep on me.”

“Would I ever?”

It took all of two minutes, before you were both out like a candle in the wind.

1K notes · View notes

tadpolesonalgae · 2 years

Note

Hey! I love more than myself so much it was literally perfect! Thank you so much for writing it! You’re an amazing writer ❤️

I have another request hehe, if you don’t mind ofc. Azriel x reader where he has a nightmare and she’s there to comfort him. They talk for the whole night and then in the morning the bond simultaneously snaps for the both of them.

If you can’t no hard feelings:)

Azriel x Reader: Nightmares

A/N: it’s no problem at all, I get so excited hearing new ideas so I absolutely love getting requests ❤️

(Sorry this took a while <3)

Visual Prompt here!

Heart still pounding, Azriel made his way to the balcony of the House of Wind, readying for takeoff.

Nightmares were not an unusual occurrence for the Shadowsinger, but it had been a very long time since memories of the War had returned to haunt him. So he did what he usually did when malignant dreams stalked his sleep: he flew off into the night. The feeling of the air catching beneath his wings, allowing him to soar however he pleased - it reminded him of how he was free.

Judging from the light, it seemed to be in the liminal period between midnight and dawn, when the partygoers had returned to their homes, but the early birds hadn’t yet risen. It was peaceful. And good thing too, because he knew his scent would betray his fear.

He swooped downwards, gliding on the winds as he flew silently over the houses of Velaris, until his eye caught on one and he dared to land in the street outside, never making a sound. Azriel didn’t know why he felt a twinge of hopelessness in his chest when he saw your bedroom light was out. You had a relatively normal sleeping schedule, of course you would already be asleep.

But maybe he decided to knock softly of your door anyway, in the hopes you might pick it up in your sleep and for some reason decide to leave your warm bed - then he would feel less bad about himself than if he called for you. His shadows swirled restlessly about him, as if still trying to ward of the images, the visions that had slithered their way into his mind that night.

To his surprise, the door opened mere moments after having knocked, making him take one slight step back so his scent wouldn’t be the first thing you noticed. Fingers curled round the door frame as you pulled it open, peering out wearily at your unexpected guest. He watched as your brow furrowed slightly, “Azriel?” The hushed sound of his name on your lips had the majority of his fear dissipating on the spot, relief washing over him like a cooling dip on a hot summers day.

You opened the door wider when you recognised the male. “What are you doing here?” You whispered, brushing some of your hair back absently. That was an excellent question. One he hadn’t thought of the answer to. He hadn’t really even considered you might be awake at this hour. Thankfully, he was spared from fumbling an excuse when you stepped aside, shaking the question from your head as you gestured for him to enter, latching the door shut softly behind him.

He followed you as you made your way to the kitchen, near the back of the house, golden light streaming from the gap beneath the door. When you opened it, he was met with a room brimming with candle-light and his brow furrowed as you lead him to the table. “How long have you been awake?” He murmured, taking a seat as he watched you move to the kettle. He noticed a fresh cup was already made, hinting you’d been awake for some time.

“I woke up maybe…” you paused to think, “fifteen? Twenty? minutes ago?” You poured the still boiling water into a cup, watching as the teabag filled with air then deflated once you removed the hot stream of water. “What woke you?” He asked, beginning to relax more into the chair more as he took in your fluid movements.

Azriel’s eyes traced your comforting figure as you walked the hot cuppa over to him, setting it down softly on the table before taking the seat opposite him. “I don’t really know, to be honest,” you sighed, palms circling the slightly cooler tea in front of you. “One moment I was asleep, the next…” you gestured to your wide awake form.

His brow furrowed slightly, what could have caused you to wake from your sleep at this time? “No sounds coming from outside? No stray breezes?” He tried, continuing to ponder the mystery. You shrugged absently, running a nervous finger around the edge of your mug. Something you did when your mind was elsewhere. “What is it?” He asked softly, keen senses picking up on your hesitance. Your eyes flicked to his then away again, dragging over various objects in the kitchen before returning back to his.

“Actually…when I woke up, I felt a bit panicked…” you began slowly, watching him warily for any sort of judgement. When you found nothing but curiosity, you continued, “it felt like…I’d forgotten something? Or…there was something I was supposed to do? And I can’t remember it…” your brow was tightly narrowed in a mix of confusion and frustration. Then you swallowed, coming back down from wherever your mind had been - sadly unclasping your lip from beneath your teeth, too - and focusing back on him. “It was weird,” you admitted, a grimace resting on your mouth, “I still feel a little uneasy though…” you thought for a little, then murmured almost under your breath, “was I dreaming about something?”

It was adorable and soothing. No way around it. Watching you slip into that space where you muttered to yourself, becoming to preoccupied with your thoughts to remember the space around you. It had the edges of his mouth softening and the tension in his shoulders releasing. He watched you peacefully from his chair, content to let you ponder in silence while he remained in your presence, warming his hands on the mug.

“Anyway,” you startled, shifting back to reality, “what about you? Why were you prowling the streets at this unmotherly hour?” A grin had tilted your lips and damn him if it didn’t put him entirely at ease, being in this private space with you, almost away from time itself. His nightmare didn’t bother him nearly as much anymore, not with you before him, giving him that conspirator’s smile that always had the edges of his mouth lifting in return.

Azriel sighed, “bad dream,” he mumbled, raising the mug to his mouth to hide the words. “Pardon?” You leant forward onto your elbows, moving closer to hear him. Azriel swallowed the scalding tea, the temperature a secondary thought in his mind, “bad dream,” he mumbled, a little louder. He watched as your head cocked, putting together the slur of sounds into something coherent. Then your expression shifted to that mixture of teasing playfulness he knew was coming as your lower lip pushed out in a small pout.

“Did the big, scary Illyrian have trouble sleeping?” A soft smile curved your lips as you mumbled the words, especially as he heaved a long-suffering sigh, briefly tipping his gaze to the ceiling before settling it back to yours. You didn’t miss the smile he attempted (poorly) to conceal. “Come on, let’s get you all wrapped up, nice and warm, yeah?” You smiled, standing from your chair as you moved toward him. He sighed again, resigning himself over to you. He had been the one to hope you were awake. If he had to go through your routines, so be it.

As he ascended the stairs behind you, he wasn’t sure if he was regretting the relentless teasing he’d subjected you to for the past decade for your awfully named ‘self-love nights’. It had all happened on a similar evening (perhaps morning was more appropriate): he’d dropped in, unexpected, and you’d confronted him with a frying pan and a pale cream covering your face. He’d thought he’d seen a ghost that first night. His shadows had, too, because they had immediately reeled back from you, vanishing to hide behind the expanse of his wings as the shock had settled over him. After that, it had been a clash of him teasing you over your ‘ghost face’ and you shoving back with various jabs at how his shadows had turned-tail and ran.

When you opened the door to your bedroom and stepped inside, he felt a sudden nervousness overtake him. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t been in your room before - but something felt different tonight. More personal. Intimate. He shook his head free of the thoughts as you waltzed over to a rocking chair in the corner of the room and heaved it toward the bottom of your bed, in front of a small fireplace that was set in the wall. You gave it a pointed look as it was the only place to sit in the room - besides the bed - that would comfortably accommodate his wings.

“Are you going to turn me into one of your ghosts?” He asked softly, a teasing glimmer in his eyes. You rolled your own, crossing your arms over your chest and leaning your weight to one hip as you gave him a disinterested glare to tell him exactly when you thought of the jab: unnecessary, and most importantly not funny. You watched how his lips twitched under your glare, attempting to reign in his smile.

“I’m going to fetch some things, you do your male thing and light the fire,” you gave him a mockingly flirtatious smile and disappeared into the bathroom. Azriel knew the smile wasn’t serious. He knew it was just more of the push and pull between you two, but still. Attempting to clear his mind, he set to work on building a small fire to cast some light across the room.

By the time you had managed to collect the things you wanted, as well as figuring out how to transport them through to next door, Azriel had the fire crackling with life, oranges and yellows decorating the space. Already the room felt warmer, friendlier, because that’s what you were feeling, right? You decided not to ponder too long as you padded over to the bed, setting down the chosen supplies in a clumsy pile.

When you turned, Azriel was watching the pile as if it were a threat. The look made your lips tilt up and a huff of laughter fall from your mouth, making the male raise his gaze in question. “I promise it won’t bite,” you teased, gesturing for him to take a seat on the rocking chair. His eyes flicked from yours, to the pile, then back again before he shut his eyes in resignation, settling back into the chair.

“Would you like snail paste, or gut oil first?” You asked and watched, delighted, as his eyes flew open, alarm flaring in them as he scanned you for the truth. “Sorry,” you laughed quietly, “I couldn’t resist.” His brow narrowed into a slight scowl, but the softness lining his features was undermining the glower significantly. “Not funny,” he muttered as his eyes slid shut. “At least your shadows didn’t balk this time,” you snickered, earning a playful smack to the shoulder from one as you reached for the cloth that would keep his hair from his eyes.

Azriel didn’t protest as much as you had anticipated as you wrapped the fabric carefully around the back of his neck and across his forehead, his eyes remaining peacefully shut the whole time. You opened a small tin containing a clear, viscous balm that melted on your fingers as you scooped it up, lightly applying it over his cheeks, gently massaging it down the sharp cut of his jaw, being as careful and as thorough as you could manage.

After a while of silence, you continuing to rub the balm across his skin, the male shifted, eyes cracking open as they slanted over your figure. “Do you want me to move to the bed?” He mumbled softly, dark eyes peering up at you curiously. Before your heart could attempt to pound from your chest, he clarified, “you’ll break your back leaning over.” And there were better ways to go about that. “I’m fine,” you soothed, “we’re focusing on you tonight, Azriel.” You couldn’t explain why you had felt the need to say his name, to sound it out within the confines of your bedroom.

His eyes caught on your mouth as it rolled off your tongue and suddenly sitting down felt like a good idea. Maybe the late night - early morning? - was doing something to you, your heart specifically. You weren’t used to seeing Azriel in this different light, literally. But that was a lie, wasn’t it. You’d be a liar if you attempted to convince anyone the Shadowsinger was anything but breathtakingly beautiful.

Apparently the late night (early morning??) was also messing with Azriel. You knew this for a fact as his hands braced your waist, guiding you to sit on his lap, legs spread either side of his hips. It had clearly messed with you own mind too, because you went with him, willingly. There was a moment of silence in the air, a moment where time stopped to observe as the two of you made eye contact, emotion laid bare in the quiet. Your breath hitched as his dark eyes peered at you, your own hands still cupping his jaw from where you had been massaging in the balm.

“Are you—” you swallowed, trying desperately to grasp for some strands of humour but your heart was having a breakdown, “are you flirting with me?” Thank the mother for the light from the fire disguising the blush that was heating your cheeks. Again his eyes dipped to your mouth, before hauling back to meet your own. You traced the movement of his tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip, “maybe a little,” he admitted. Was his voice deeper?

Caught off guard from the movement, you shifted in his lap, turning away to reach for another metal tin. The break in eye contact was a much needed relief, but already you were missing it. Collecting a slightly larger tin in your trembling fingers, you attempted to unscrew the lid, but nerves were preventing you from getting a good grip on the damn thing. Maybe if you weren’t so very aware of his large palms still resting on your waist, cupping your sides as if to keep you from sliding away from him, you wouldn’t be having these problems.

You huffed a sigh of annoyance before warmth left your waist, his hands moving to loosen the lid for you. It popped off in his hands. Right, it wasn’t a screw-on lid, it was one of the pull ones. You swallowed thickly, “thanks.” You took the tin from his hands which - mother above - returned to your waist, perhaps a little lower, now settling on the slope of your hip bones. Before he could pull another move that would have your heart tripping over itself, you dipped your fingers into the opaque cream, gathering a dollop and setting the now closed tin back on the bed before passing the cream evenly between your hands in order to spread it over his skin. You were careful to avoid his eyes and nose, even more so around his mouth.

“What do they do?” He asked softly, breaking the silence but also drawing your attention back to his lips. “Huh?” You zoned back in from tracing his glorious mouth, heat flushing your cheeks. “The ointments, what do they do?” A teasing grin lifted the corners of his mouth, seeing your line of thought. Gods, this male. You sucked in a breath as you continued massaging in the cream until most of his skin was covered, “the balm was for revitalising skin,” you listed from memory.

Azriel’s eyes flickered to yours and you were so very aware of his grip tightening on your hips, “you’re saying my skin needs revitalising?” He narrowed his eyes at you playfully and you sent him back a scowl. “Fine, it’s a natural enhancer,” you amended, aware of how his chest puffed out slightly at the confirmation you recognised his natural beauty, “makes you glow more.” Had you shifted closer to him?

“And the cream?” He asked, seemingly pleased with himself in a way that was endearing. You smirked, “it’s supposed to be anti-aging - gets rid of stress markers,” you teased. He looked at you incredulously and you wanted to melt into him in that moment. Just turn to liquid and relax into him. Was that weird? “I can’t catch a break when I’m around you, can I?” He grumbled, shutting his eyes and tipping his head to prop against the back of the chair.

Suddenly the urge to attach your mouth to his throat became almost overpowering. How his skin looked so temptingly clear of any marks in the firelight, how you could feel his chest rising and falling. You still had some excess cream on your fingertips, so you rose one hand, lifting it to his neck, barely a millimetre from the skin before you gently pressed down. You felt him tense beneath you, hands suddenly loosening their grip on your hips as you lightly dragged the very tip of your index finger down the column of his throat, watching as he swallowed beneath it.

When he made no move against you, you leant into his body, the chair leaning back as your weight shifted. By now both your hands were splayed across his chest, your cheek resting on his shoulder peacefully as your breaths evened out, his scent putting you at ease as you gave in and relaxed into the firm outline of his body. As far as he could tell, you were well on your way to drifting off, and as inconvenient as it was for you to fall asleep while he still had the weird cream covering him, there was absolutely no chance in the world he was going to pass up this moment. His heart was reeling from it all. You’d fallen asleep on top of him, pressed flush against him. His heart soared.

You’d promised yourself you were just a little tired, just intended to rest for a little before returning to make conversation with Azriel, but his scent had been so perfect, so soothing, your mind had wandered far from reality. You had no idea how long you’d been dozing for when your conscious resurfaced, not as you somehow managed to pull away from his encompassing warmth, far enough to see his powerful arms had wrapped around your middle, keeping you cradled against him.

Upon feeling you shift, he looked down, sighing both with relief and disappointment. Relief so he could be done with the cream, disappointment because, well, you were no longer curled up against him like he was the safest place you’d found. Realising you’d nearly actually fallen back asleep, you reached for another piece of fabric, a small towel, using it to carefully remove the cream as the nutrients would have already been absorbed by his skin.

“Sorry,” you murmured, a light flush on your cheeks as you reached for another cloth. “I need to go dampen this,” you mumbled, attempting to shift away from the male and for a second you really thought he wasn’t going to let go, but he did. You fumbled your way to the bathroom, wetting the cloth and wringing it out before returning the get rid of anything you would have missed with the dry towel while also soothing the skin. “All done,” you mumbled, a hesitant smile curving your mouth.

Azriel blinked, slowly, registering that it was over. “I thought you were going to put snails on my face?” He asked, making your lips tilt into a full smile. You made to move for the bathroom again, “I can go ge—” Azriel cut you off with a hand wrapping around your wrist, halting your actions. “Please no,” he groaned, curving his brows slightly. You feigned a disappointed sigh, “alright,” you moved to remove the fabric from his face, allowing his hair to flop back down to his brow, the ends curling around themselves, “next time, though.” It was a threat if Azriel had ever heard one.

“Feeling more relaxed now, Shadowsinger?” You drawled softly once you’d returned your supplies to the bathroom. He nodded, but the action was slightly subdued, as if he were a bit hazy, or fatigued. Your brow dipped in concern. “Azriel,” you murmured softly, catching his attention though he kept his eyes from yours. You walked over to him until you were stood between his legs, casting a shadow over his form. “Hey, talk to me,” you whispered, leaning down to get in his line of sight, “what’s wrong?”

When he didn’t answer you crouched down, placing one hand atop his thigh to steady yourself, “come on, I promise I won’t laugh,” you whispered. His eyes scanned yours, finally meeting them as the muscles in his jaw shifted. Maybe it was the light that was now spilling onto him from the fire behind you, but you noticed the dark circles beneath his eyes. Making a split of the moment decision, you stood up, lacing your hands together as you moved to pull him out of the chair. Thankfully, he moved with you.

He followed wearily as you pulled him over to the bedside, next to your cabinet. Opening one of the draws you pulled out some nightwear large enough for a male, handing it to him, “change into those, you need some sleep, Az.” You patted his upper shoulder then turned to leave the room, giving him some privacy.

Left alone in your bedroom, Azriel couldn’t help but stare at the clothes with minor discontent. He didn’t like that you just had male-sized clothes on hand. Did you have overnight male guests so frequently? He clenched his jaw as he stripped out of his clothes that he’d haphazardly thrown on after waking in a cold sweat. And maybe it was because it was your bed he was about to sleep in but he stopped in at the washroom. While you knew he’d had a troubled night, there was no need for him to keep the scent of fear on him.

His curiosity and nagging doubt only deepened when he pulled the shirt over his broad shoulders. It had slats at the back. For Illyrian guests. It was none of his business. None of his business. Still, it bothered him.

Your knock was well-timed and once Azriel had called for you to come in, you pushed the door wide with a tray in hand, carrying two bowls of steaming soup as well as generous slices of pleasantly buttered, fluffy bread to dip. Instantly, his mouth was watering. It smelled delicious.

Upon seeing his eyes catch on the tray in your hand, a smile curved your lips. “It’ll be morning soon, might as well have breakfast.” Azriel’s heartbeat picked up. He wished every morning could be like this. He supposed he didn’t mind the occasional nightmare if this was the treatment he received. “Thank you,” he swallowed, nostrils flaring as he scented the meal before him. A grin curved his mouth as you set the tray down in the centre of the bed, “soup for breakfast?”

You shot him an indignant and disbelieving look, “right, next time you have a nightmare, I’ll remember to slam the door in your face and not look back,” you snapped, a smile lifting the edges of your mouth as you gestured for him to get into bed. “Alright, alright,” Azriel conceded, “soup isn’t that bad.” He was too focused on not revealing how much he was enjoying this time with you. Being able to eat your food, spend time with you, sleep in your bed, he’d never imagined these events occurring. Especially not as you lifted the covers and settled in on the other side, the tray between the two of you, pillows propping you up enough that indigestion wouldn’t be an issue.

Silence reigned as the two of you began eating the soup, dipping the fluffy bread in every so often. Halfway through his bowl, Azriel sighed, “this is so good.” You chuckled as you took another spoonful of soup, “I know, I made it.” The silence continued, but it was comfortable, you didn’t feel awkward with him next to you, in your bed.

When both of you were getting toward the end of your meal, you breached the silence, “do you want to talk about your dream?” Even though it was whispered, it felt as though you had shouted the words across the bed at him. Azriel froze, the spoon just out of reach of his mouth, then resumed eating. Swallowed. Set the spoon down.

He shifted slightly in the bed, toward you. “It was about the war.” Your face remained neutral, carefully watching him as you tried to gauge just how much it had gotten to him. “I haven‘t had a dream like that…in a very long time. That’s why it bothered me.” The words were somewhat clipped, and you knew pushing deeper probably wasn’t a good idea, but you reached over and placed your hand on top of his, rubbing gently for a couple of seconds before pulling away again, just letting him know you were there.

Your gaze returned to your soup and you found yourself feeling full though there was about a quarter left. “I don’t suppose you have room for more, by any chance?” You turned to look at him, only to find him already watching you. He remained quiet for a bit, before replying, “room for more, but too full to lift my arms,” an amused grin lifted his mouth, making you huff a laugh as you rolled onto your side and shuffled closer, placing the bowl between you as you raised the spoon to his mouth, feeding the soup to him slowly.

What alerted the both of you of morning’s arrival was the single ray of sun slashing through your tightly drawn curtains that rested behind the top of the bed. Both of you watched it’s slow descent down the wall as you spoke, “huh.” Azriel shifted to glance at you, more specifically how the sun was catching in your hair at the top of your head, “what, “huh”?” He murmured, trying and failing to not lean closer to you. He knew his time was nearly up. Soon you’d both have to get up and continue with your lives, time wouldn’t stop for either of you.

“We didn’t fall asleep,” you replied, eyes still trained on the morning rays. His breath caught as you leant your head against him, cheek resting on his shoulder. So he decided to go with you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulled you against him. You just sighed contentedly, settling into his warmth and his heart soared.

He knew you heard the voices passing below in the streets when you tensed. Then began pulling away from him. He moved to say something just as you turned to him, opening your mouth to speak. Something rippled through the air as your eyes met. Like your hearts had just been locked together, sharing the same pulse throughout your bodies.

Both your eyes widened marginally as you remained frozen, staring deep at the other, allowing the bond to settle though in the moment you swore you could feel the connection, like a strange magnetisation.

“You—” you began, then halted. “We—” your eyes darted between each of his hazel ones, as if for answers. “What—?” You spluttered, completely knocked off your feet and now free falling. Silver lined your eyes, emotion welling, both from confusion and fortune. Your heart felt like a war drum in your chest, pounding out it’s certain beat.

He dipped his chin hesitantly, as if he were still unsure. “I felt it, too,” he managed. You sucked in a deep, sudden breath, “are you— I mean— do you…?” You weren’t quite sure what you were trying to ask as you gestured between the two of you. But you pointed at him, then at yourself, brows raised in question, “with me?” There was no break in eye contact as he dipped his chin, arms already pulling you closer as you jerked yourself from your sitting position to land on top of him, hands lacing in his hair as you buried your face in the junction of his neck and shoulder. The bowls clattered to the floor as they were flung off the bed.

Azriel was aware of the hot droplets landing on his skin, how your chest was trembling with silenced sobs, how your fingers were clutching him so desperately. All he could do was match you, arms wrapping up and around your waist as he kept you tight against him, trying to keep up with the way his heart was pounding against his chest, almost disbelieving.

You pulled away when you felt something wet land on your shoulder that had been beneath Azriel’s jaw. Matching tears were spilling from his eyes, lips still ajar as he looked up at you. Then smiles bloomed across your mouths as he raised his hand to press your forehead against his own, noses touching as your own hands cupped his jaw, eyes shutting as you allowed yourself to embrace this feeling.

You could feel him mouthing ‘mate’ silently against your lips, as if he were struggling believe it. “Mate,” you whispered, a warm feeling settling across your body as he opened his eyes to look up at your tear filled ones. “Together,” you mumbled against him. He nodded slightly, hand snaking up to cup the back of your neck, “together.”

Your lips met and you melted, all of you relaxing into him as if you’d been heated to a liquid. Repeating one word over and over as you moulded your lips together: always.

#acotar #azriel #azriel acotar #azriel x reader #azriel one shot #azriel fluff #Azriel x you #azriel x y/n #Shadowsinger #acosf #Azriel shadowsinger #Shadowsinger fluff

451 notes · View notes

kaylinalexanderbooks · 12 days

Text

OC questionnaire

Thanks to @eccaiia here, @mysticstarlightduck here and here, and @elsie-writes here!

Other questionnaires:

Robbie, Gwen, Maddie, Noelle, Jedi, and Kelsey here.

Carmen, George, Akash, Sam, Lexi, and Ash here.

Gabriel, Carla, Parker, Rose, Alex, and Ewan here.

Liam, Hye-Jin, Wendy, Wade, Issa, and CJ here.

Teo, Niri, Jazlyn, and Anathi here.

Below the cut, I will do Tyler, Xitlali, Atsila, and Raissa!

#1- Tyler

Are you an outdoorsy person or a fair weather freak?

“Outdoors suck. Would rather stay inside. Gym is inside. Books are inside. Why bother dealing with outside?’

Do you like animals? Have any pets?

“Have a poodle named Jolene. No, we didn't style her hair. She's perfect as is.”

What's one thing you keep on you at all times?

“... Did you know that the last thing you think about before you fall asleep is the first thing you remember in the morning? So the night before a big test, study right before going to bed! That'll keep you up at night.”

#2- Raissa

Do you have any weird or unusual habits?

“Absolutely not. There is nothing weird about me. Though John complains about me sighing too much. He once said I breathe out more air than I breathe in.”

Are you a night owl or a morning bird?

“These are ridiculous Ceteri phrases that make no sense. But my answer is neither, or both. You decide how to interpret it. I have devised a daily potion that allows me to properly function on a mere five hours of sleep, rather than the eight most people need. I'm up early and late. Now, if only I can get my team to help find a way to eliminate sleep altogether...”

Who is the person you hate the most? Why?

“Atsila McLain would be such an easy answer. And I can tell you want me to say her. But no. She was merely annoying. I try to avoid thinking about her Aequales as long as I can. She thought of us as nemeses, but it was one-sided on her part. But maybe if she stopped trying to take what was rightfully mine, I would stop. She never experienced anything I did. And in the name of peace? She was an awful person. It was a relief when I killed her.”

#3- Atsila

What are your biggest pet peeves?

“Oh, spirits, I hate when people aren't doing what they're supposed to do at the speed they should do it. I mean, how hard is it to adhere to a schedule and complete your tasks in an efficient manner? I don't understand it! I tell people to do something, and they don't do it! Or, they do it in the least efficient way I've ever seen. Even something as simple as walking. Walk diagonally to get somewhere faster. No need to stay on a certain path. But no it seems like every other person here is staying on the path.”

Who is the person you look up to the most?

“I don't look up to anyone. Literally, I suppose, everyone--I am rather short. Figuratively, no one. I suppose Carmen is rather efficient. And organized. She's highly intelligent and... She listens to me. I admire her loyalty and companionship.”

Do you have any major fears?

“Absolutely not. [Pause] I suppose boredom. Mediocrity.” if I may add - it's because she's terrified at the state she'll be in if something isn't going on Right Now

#4- Xitlali

Do you have any allergies?

“I think this is a personal question. I mean, what kinda questionnaire is it? Would rather not answer it. But ekaberries. I break out in hives if I eat it.”

How many people have you kissed?

“Not as many as I'd like, but I'm only twelve, so I'll probably kiss a few girls before long.”

What is your favorite number?

“My favorite number is 63. I find it incredibly satisfying knowing it's divisible by 7. 91 is a close contender for the same reason.”

I feel like this is all of the prominent TSP characters I feel need to answer these questions. Next time I'm tagged will begin the repeats.

Tagging softly @aziz-reads @thegreatobsesso @i-can-even-burn-salad @mk-writes-stuff @starlit-hopes-and-dreams

What is your favorite thing about rain? What is your least favorite thing about it?

@willtheweaver @elsie-writes @dyrewrites

+ ANYONE ELSE

What is something you don't mind waiting a long time for?

Have you ever been punished for something you didn't do?

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy

#the secret portal #teaspoon #tsp #oc tag game #my ocs #oc questionnaire #tyler nakashima #raissa kamanzi #atsila mclain #xitlali zepahua #writing tag game #writers on tumblr #writing community #writers of tumblr #writing on tumblr #writeblr #writeblr community

16 notes · View notes

serialadoptersbracket · 2 months

Text

Round 2, Match 55: Mendoza vs. Soundwave

Submitted kids:

Mendoza: Esteban, Zia and Tao

Soundwave: Rumble, Frenzy, Laserbeak, Ravage, Ratbat, Garboil, Enemy, Wingthing, Beastbox, Squalktalk, Glit, Howlback, Slugfest, Overkill, Sundor, and Autoscout but there's bound to be more I'm forgetting.

Propaganda under the cut!

Mendoza:

1. “Mendoza did not exactly *begin* as father material, what with him being a character with a very grey morality at first and both a help to the children and someone they couldn't trust fully, but his entire arc in the first season is him becoming a better person. None of the kids are biologically his but he just went and unofficially adopted all three of them. Their story is inextricably bound up with the show's story.

He first met Esteban when Esteban was a baby and was handed to him in the middle of a storm at sea (then Esteban's father seemingly died in said storm), but because Mendoza was young and interested in gold he let a local (?) church raise the child. He then met Esteban again twelve years later, on the same day he would be kidnapping Zia (for money, because Zia knows how to read quipus that the Spanish hope will tell the way to the Inca's gold) (the show takes place in the early 16th century). So he begins by kidnapping a child and manipulating another to hide in a ship and cross an ocean. They all meet Tao later, and this one is wary of him too at first, but he ends up winning their trust while bettering himself.

He's the only parental figure these kids have: Esteban's father was lost at sea after his mother was killed, Zia spends most of the first season looking for her father only for him to get killed an episode or two after their reunion, and Tao lost both his parents years ago. In the beginning of the show he's completely using them to find a legendary city of gold, and even admits it, but as the story goes he's caring more and more for them and puts himself in mortal danger just to help them, when just running away would have been much more beneficial to him. In later seasons this pattern keeps up and he's not even a grey character anymore, he's just their dad who's scheming and plotting sometimes. With the cities of gold having been revealed to be monetarily worthless he wouldn't have any reason to still accompany them, but he loves them so he stays with them. He's much more of a dad than Esteban's birth father (who miraculously reappears but keeps getting pushed out of the way by the plot), he's teaching them stuff and protecting them and cheering them on and worrying about them and helping them every step of the way. He makes dad jokes. When random people ask if Zia is his daughter he says yes, and he would say the same for Tao (and for Esteban too but he's hung up about Esteban's "real" father being alive and a nice guy).”

2. “He took Esteban on his journey because he needed his medallion, Zia because his commander requested it, and Tao because he was useful. But then he fought so much at their side that he pretty much betrayed the Spanish army and everything else to protect those kids. They didn't like him much at first, but eventually grew to love him in return, especially in later seasons.”

3. “Sly Spaniard looking for some gold in the New World accidentally adopts the three children he more or less uses to find the Mysterious Cities of Gold, but he also cares about them and accidentally starts caring about them so much that by the end of the first season he realises how much he would miss them if they weren't there.”

Soundwave:

1. “This is a dude who stores smaller dudes in his boob and he usually launches them out at high speeds to commit crimes. Fandom loves to headcanon them as a dad and his horde of kids and pets.”

2. “Forgot buzzsaw (yellow bird) lol

Bro really do be adopting”

3. “#he literally is a single mother of like 18 and they all live inside of his chest #and the only time he gets close to showing emotion is when something happens to one of them”

#mysterious cities of gold #les mystérieuses cités d'or #mcog #mendoza #soundwave #transformers #macadam #maccadam #serial adopters bracket #round 2 #tumblr tournament #tumblr polls

21 notes · View notes

evilwickedme · 11 months

Text

hey so this is frankly wayy later than I thought it would be but my dear beloved mutual @briefcasejuice asked for batfam fic recs that are (in my opinion) accurate to canon characterization, and they specifically said they're most familiar with jason and damian so that's what they wanted me to focus on. he also asked for no ship fic so it's all batfamily focused

many of these are repeats but that's just because they're so damn good

first and foremost, Make a Little Birdhouse in Your Soul, which I have said on the record is my favorite Jason fic and I stand by it. I think it absolutely understands Jason to an extreme degree, and I like how it makes Jason take accountability for his actions. extremely believable character development, beautiful writing, and the sequel adds Damian into the mix absolutely beautifully

The 70 Days After Groundhog Day is another one I've recommended before. this one focuses on Jason & Dick's relationship. it's told through Dick's POV, but it's about the aftermath of a time loop that Jason was stuck in. cw that a couple of scenes deal heavily with past sexual assault/rape

I like Nests and Cages because I too find it incredibly interesting that Jason thought Shiva could have been his mother, and his ethnic ambiguity has simply never been brought up since. also I love Cass in this. anyway yeah it's just about Jason's parentage and him finding himself and on the way rejoining the batfam

Minefield is literally too much to explain in one paragraph, each fic is really its own thing. I'm linking it mostly for Harvest, in which Jason and Bruce spend a long time together more or less isolated on the Kents' farm. it's emotionally raw and incredibly authentic

3:16 is an au where Bruce actually really did die in Final Crisis, and focuses on Dick's developing relationship with Damian. it's incredibly steeped in various canons and also will hurt your soul. it's incomplete but still updating semi-regularly, and also frankly because almost every chapter is a standalone you can read it as a collection of short stories most of the time

Assassins and Animal Crossing is about Damian playing Animal Crossing. I figure we all deserve some fluff considering how absolutely insanely emotional this list has been so far. and will continue to be.

one of my absolute favorite dynamics to explore is Tim and Damian's, which is done incredibly well in The Study of Birds. Damian and Tim find out they have something in common - they both enjoy birding. character development ensues

and a couple last Jason focused fics, both featuring the rebirth outlaws team - first is Retrogade Motion, which is The de-aging fic in my eyes, it just does so much with the concept and doesn't cop out on the consequences. second is we're a gang, friends, which relies heavily on both post-crisis continuity and early rebirth before sort of doing its own thing for a bit there.

and here's another fluff fic that's not incredibly rooted in a canon but makes me laugh just to close us out - Life in the Fast Lane. I just like it a lot.

enjoy :D

#dc fic #fic recs #batfam #jason todd #damian wayne #dc #gail speaks

60 notes · View notes

reverie-starlight · 2 years

Note

I'm absolutely down bad for Hawks and also not caught up with the current plot, therefore this seems like the perfect opportunity to ask for some general headcanons with a shy reader!! 🥲🛐🤍

Have a wonderful day (and ofc take all the time you want I just found your post and HAD to request) <33

AHHH thank you so much for this!!! I really hope I didn't mess it up too badly- I'm still trying to get his character figured out so this is going to seem a bit more "trial and error" esque until I get more comfortable with him. It's literally my first time writing for Hawks ever and I'm very excited!!

{Hawks with a shy!reader HCs}

gn!reader, as always :)

much fluff, possibly some inconsistency, a lot of effort lol. tried to keep it as general as possible cause it manifests differently for everyone.

(I haven’t written in this format for a long time so the beginning is pretty messy and just me organizing my thoughts i’m so sorry you deserve better)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

okay so.

he is not shy at all

but he's not like,,, suuuuper outgoing either

you know what i mean by that, right?

he's easy going but also pretty direct and serious when the occasion calls for it

he radiates comfort and good vibes to me, so i think a lot of people would find it very easy to talk to him

he's also pretty confident

so I think he'd work well with a s/o who's more on the shy/reserved side, you'd compliment each other well

and however your shyness manifests (if it’s on the subtle side or more obvious) he’s prepared to help you out

if it’s something you want to work towards getting over, he’d try bringing you to his office on slower days to meet new people and help you build up some confidence

or to work events where there wouldn’t be any cameras or the general public. he would never throw you into the spotlight like that, but bringing you to places where there’d be a lot of people would be good for breaking you out of your shell

and if it’s something you already have under control and know how to work around, he supports you with that too!!

either way he loves you and accepts the fact that being social isn’t your thing

absolutely melts when he understands you’re finally 100% comfortable around him

he realized this basically the same moment you did- you were in your apartment just hanging out and you started singing along to an overplayed commercial on the TV (you once told him that singing around people wasn’t something you liked doing but it happened so naturally in that moment that his wings rustled in pure happiness). You both just looked at each other for a second in surprise before pulling you onto his lap and kissing all over your face <3

it was pretty early on in your relationship, which makes it that much sweeter to him. it means a lot that you were able to warm up to him so fast.

when you’re alone together, or with your friends/family and you’re comfortable enough to fully be yourself??? lives for that

he’d also never tease you about how different you are in public vs with him. because you’re still YOU, it’s just a more reserved and quiet version of you and that’s okay!! he loves every side of you without a doubt

if it ever got so bad (like to the point where it could be considered social anxiety and not just normal shyness anymore), he’d either wrap his wings around you to calm you down and give you some privacy

or he’d send a feather to you to hold on to and discreetly comfort you with that

the bird man loves you that’s all <333

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you enjoyed this!! I’m really sorry it took so long to publish, and i’m sorry if it wasn’t exactly what you wanted!! University is insane and I finally had time to write today.

likes and reblogs appreciated <3

#reverie asks #reverie requests #hawks x reader #hawks fluff #mha hawks x reader #keigo takami x reader #keigo takami fluff

286 notes · View notes

strangewiggles · 9 months

Text

pathologic furry designs because im a nerd

(aglaya, rubin, and lara, *ft artemy)

i usually dont post uncolored drawings/doodles but i plan on making a few of these

HUGE thanks to my buddies for help/input on these..both are huge brained and awesome at art follow them now

heres the thought process (spoiler free, mostly based on patho 2)

me and my buddies were in a call for all of these and we had a very intellectual conversation about all of them. when looking for furry designs i usually think of personality, mannerisms, and likeness.

Aglaya, Shoebill

both of the friends i asked havent played the game past day 5 (one of them is on day 2) so i asked “what animal would she be” with just a picture of her model. i was interested to see what 2 people who’ve only seen her once (in the intro) would think of her purely on vibes and brief dialogue. the first suggestion was “some kinda bird” and that seemed to stick.

a bit tall, a bit intimidating. so we threw out Herons, Ostriches, Peacocks…

Shoebill seemed to fit. I wanted a bird that was either grey or black, some kinda desaturated color but also one that was tall and a bit scary. Shoebills are definitely considered pretty scary. theyre also super tall and i remember saying in the call "these things are huge if i saw them flying i would cry." when it comes to shoebills, i imagine them towering over most other animals, especially with that neck and beak! they're also ambush predators i believe. shoebills fit Aglaya's first impressions perfectly.

i almost made her a Dalmatian... im glad i didnt...

Rubin, Skinny Pig

I wasn't even going to initially draw Rubin here... it started by me asking "who'd be a naked mole rat?" and the immediate answer was "Rubin..." which made me remember that he was bald LMAO. I figured that fit a little, and the original drawing was him as a naked mole rat. a few things werent quite right though.

first, digging. i cant imagine Rubin as an animal who's entire thing is digging around and being dirty, he's a doctor and, other than blood, i can't imagine he'd wanna be dirty...

second, social groups. as far as i know, naked mole rats are very social within their own circles? just from the early game (as early as the first 3 days?) he's pretty antisocial and seems to have a distaste for the Kin, even if influenced by grief(the emotion not the person). he even seems reluctant to be close to close friends.

and, of course, moles have to be saved for someone else... we'll get there. WINK

..i dont remember how Skinny Pigs came up, i think i was just googling them and thought they were funny since i have a friend who owns some.. i did a bit of googlin and asking my buddy in the call about skinny pig mannerisms.. theyre pretty...territorial? at least males to other males, theyre pretty aggressive as far as i know. this definitely fit Rubin. the OTHER reason for any kind of guinea pig was considered was because of the concept of "test guinea pigs" and not in a literal sense, but just the concept, because of Rubin's connection to Isidor. i will say i felt like the smartest person on earth when i thought of that.

also the cute ears absolutely influenced the decision.

Lara, Generic Ass Wolf

Lara was genuinely so difficult... unlike the other two, there were literally no suggestions being thrown out. my description was something like "maybe something small, cute, short tempered, but social?" and, for some reason, that was a tall order. my first guess was a mouse, but that wasnt perfect... we thought we'd have to turn to bugs and fish, though a lot of bugs and fish are hard to find personalities for.. at a surface level at least. we decided to save bugs and fish for other people...

and then, the suggestion of "wolf" came up, albeit reluctantly. when it comes to furry-fying characters, wolves and dogs are definitely...up there, in terms of "most used/obvious".. but really, think about it.

Believe it or not, wolves can be a little anxious, if not in a way that presents itself as anger/defense. this is also how i described Lara, "anxious in a way that presents as anger." also, wolves, while sometimes being a little solitary, are commonly in packs. which is...Lara's, like, Whole Thing. a house for the living etc etc..

I don't think i need to explain wolves too much either way. theyre The Furry Animal. whatever you know about wolves is probably true for Lara. it seems low-effort but trust me this decision took forever LMAO

and i mean...look at her. she looks like a wolf

*Artemy here is a bull because... yeah. that's the most obvious one. as #1 artemy fan i couldn't in good conscious make him anything other than a bull even if it's low effort idgaf... ill look at types of bulls for him later.

hope you liked my rambles..

#thanks again to my buddies #my art #doodles #pathologic #pathologic 2 #lara ravel #aglaya lilich #stakh rubin #stanislav rubin #artemy burakh

29 notes · View notes

quaranmine · 2 months

Note

Hi yeah its me again, sorry for the spam, not my fault you made cool and inspiring stuff. This time actually, i couldnt help myself and have made a short crackpodfic of an alternative universe which is basically 'AU where Mumbo is frolicking in the wild and Grian doesnt exist cause itd be too sad for him to do so, so hes gone.' Its stupid, ist badly written (literally my first ever creative writing work other than a 300 word school asignment) but like idk. if you dont want to or cant read it (cause its so bad and burns your eyes out) you can just not read it xd idc honestly but decided to maybe give you the choice of reading it or not. Excuse my weird and unusual ways of writing dialougue and monolouges This is part 1 of 3

Jellie meowed cutely, demanding for food most likely just as a familar figure walked into his cabin. —Oh Hello Cub! It's wonderful to see you again! How was the trail, you're earlier than usual, no? — Scar exclaimed happily, looking at the sweaty man now standing before him. The air was hot, the many glass windows of the watchtower could make a great greenhouse. The open windows allowed for a warm flow of the early summer's air to pass by and refresh the mostly closed space. —Hey hey. Yeah the traffic was better than usual, but there was more sand in on the trail today. I think it could be the Sahara desert dust that was supposed to get carried in with the wind. — Cub said, taking his backpack off and pulling out a rag to wipe his head off. No matter how many times he hikes through this trail it never gets much easier. — Oh, Cub. The Sahara desert was blowing on Europe! And also it's the 80s and this specific situation you're referencing is gonna happen in late March of the year 2024! That's at least 35 years into the future! —Oh yup I forgot. Sorki bout that —Cub, you silly silly man! — Scar said in a singsong tone. Both of them started laughing and looked straight into the readers eyes, smiling. Hi reader they both thought and went back to laughing looking at each other. — Actually, Scar, while hiking I heard some tourists talking about some newfound cryptid roaming these parts, what's up with that? – Eh nothing special, some bikers saw a 'humanoid lanky bugman' or something. — The man said — I've seen it all over, people come, they see a black bear or a deer in the shadow and think it's a newfound species. But honestly! I gotta give credit to the bikers relating said encounter cause the guys were better than most at storytelling! The missing food cans, rustling in the bushes all around them, the feeling of being watched.. Truly creepy stuff! And then — Scar took in a breath, talking so much in one long exhale left him almost dizzy —the moment when they saw it fully...They described it as 'particularly lanky with black fur' and something about purple-pinkish fingertips as well as residue on its paleish naked face with a weirdly shaped snout. 'Like a Walrus' they said! A crazy comparison for a bear, but you know, human mind can do wonders! — Scar clapped at the last statement and closed his eyes smiling charmingly at his companion who was now drinking the rest of his water.. After a while, comfortable silence filled the watchtower as both of the men enjoyed eachothers company. Jellie was now purring against scars leg and promptly jumped on his lap demanding more pets as Cub had finally spoken up — Any new paintings done in the meantime? I don't recognise these two, are they new or recycled? — He asked, curiosity clear in his voice, lookin at the, indeed, two new paintings decorating the cabin. One of them depicting a landscape with a sunset. From where Cub was sitting, he could watch the same, now hidden under an overcast, mountains and trees. The other painting was of a group of three tufted titmice sitting on a branch. Cub took out his American bird field guy and read a couple of paragraphs to scar on what kind of bird has he drawn exactly. It's weird that he saw these birds cause apparently they don't live in that part of the US! Crazy.

HELPPPPP this is completely insane the best way, thank you. Love that Grian doesn't exist here because it'd be too sad for him. Love the fever-dream quality to the writing. In all the best ways you're taking me back to the crack fics I'd read on ff.net in 2013, it's great. Love the breaking the fourth wall abou the Sahara dust and the (assuming) European birds. You've got a certain hint of Douglas Adams flavoring happening with the switching to an "above" perspective for a moment to give a wry little fourth-wall comment.

Mumbo Jumbo, new forest cryptid. I can see it. If Hermitcraft!Mumbo eats redstone, do you think forest cryptid!Mumbo would eat like...rocks??? dlfjskfljslkfs

#i was ignoring this on purpose i promise i just wanted to sit down to read + respond #this was very funny thank you #hc_firewatch_au #quara asks #ngl your writing here reminds me a bit of my first chapter draft of my hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy au #wherein (former) ceo mumbo of boatem says something about 'work from home being the future'#before essentially remembering none of them work from home because. well. it's boatem.

7 notes · View notes

kiisaes · 1 year

Note

Hey, i’d like to hear some of your bakudeku/katsudeku headcannons since i saw some and they’re so cute😭💞i love your art so much, it’s amazingg keep it up!!

ty !!! 🙏

I'll be honest I don't really have any headcanons off the top of my head. I have to think really hard about those I like but usually I can point at a preexisting one and go "haha yes I like this one" without thinking of it myself =v=

I think my biggest hc rn - and it's kind of controversial bc ik ppl have different opinions on it - is that deku is just flat out gay. like that's his sexuality, he only likes men. I used to hc him as bi and I campaigned pretty hard for it, and regarding fandom ships I still don't mind shipping him with girls. (tbh with fandom ships, I kind of just disregard a character's sexuality hc entirely bc I'm a multishipper who thinks crack ships are fucking great.)

but vibe wise, as well as putting canon into perspective, he just feels so gay to me. he screams comphet. he's got some vague internalized homophobia where he's totally supportive if u're gay, but HE'S not gay. and there's no way he can be even though he very well could be. like just think about it. he was really only so shy and nervous around girls bc he's literally never interacted with one casually before high school. and after he got close to 1A and could, you know, talk to women, he lost any deeper attraction in them. literally what happened with him and ochako. that's just how I feel anyway, but he won't admit his natural drift towards men (bkg) and his emotional hangups on men (bkg). he hangs out with men (bkg) way too much for him to have any serious interest in women imo

anyway this is just my take, you can hc deku as whatever sexuality you want!!! I still think bi deku has so much flavor like yass be the disaster bi u were meant to be!!! but gay deku just speaks more to me nowadays, I guess

ok upon thinking long and hard, I have come up with these silly hcs as well:

they are both bad at verbalizing their feelings. dk is overall horrible with emotions that pertain to himself so he just doesn't dwell on his very obvious crush on bkg. he just thinks that it's normal to be obsessed with another man. like lol hes been doing it since he was a baby. it's not anything more. he is NOT gay. straight men can appreciate everything about another man and more! just bestie things! and bkg has accepted in his heart that he is gay for dk but u are NOT going to hear him say it. sorry but that man does not know how to even start a convo about this. he'd probably want to, but knows he'd fuck it up and dk would miss the point. he'd probably just tell dk to fight him and then make out somewhere down the line bc it's easier and less embarrassing to him. little does he know, HE'S embarrassing and I hate him.

so u know the whole "bkg is an early bird and dk is a night owl" hc? and how it's technically canonically wrong? yeah. I'm obsessed with how wrong it is. bkg going to bed early and waking up late is so real of him. he just really fucking loves to sleep, and dk is the exact opposite. man goes to bed late and wakes up at 5 in the morning. he gets like 3 hours of sleep maximum and he's functioning perfectly. god I wish I were him

that one adhd vs autism meme but it's bkdk. u get to choose which ones which. maybe they're both

dk has dimples, one on each cheek! maybe bkg has one too. who knows

this is one I just thought of right now but it's like. part of the fandom bible that bkg can cook and dk cannot. however. I think dk can cook ok - fine enough to sustain himself - but bake REALLY WELL. bkg can cook bc he's "a natural" who can easily figure out exactly how to cook and spice foods. he doesnt need to follow a recipe to a T, he can just figure it out himself. dk can bake bc I'd imagine baking, with their meticulous recipe requirements, are easier to comprehend for him. he takes a shitton of notes on the daily, u can't tell me he'll eagerly read and jot down shit so his pastries turn out well. he'd prefer following step by step than winging it. does this make sense. words are hard

I always like drawing bkdk pretty close in height. ik lots of bkdks like a height difference but I prefer when rivals are pretty equal, and that includes how tall they are

dk's hands are coarser than bkg's, except around the palms, where bkg canonically has thick skin (so I'd assume there's some callouses there)

I like to think that bkg is good at basically anything, considering how he's a perfectionist. give him something to do and one week to do it, and he'll have a new skill under his belt. but there's a few things he can't do that trip him up so bad and make him so angry. like to me he definitely doesn't know how to whistle or roll his Rs. he just physically cannot. they're such pointless abilities but he hates how he can't do them. especially bc dk can definitely do both

dk keeps calling bkg "kacchan" bc it reminds him of a simpler time :') it makes him feel more connected to bkg than he initially is, and tacitly tells the class that he knows bkg best. also bc bkg never told him to stop so like ... why should he stop now. lol. and ALSO bc he's waiting to see how far he can go before bkg snaps. little does he know, bkg never snaps about "kacchan" bc that's dk's name for him. it reminds him that dk is always there, always calling out for him. and recently, it's a reassurance that he's still here, against all odds

ending this list with a classic but dk's favorite food is katsudon bc it reminds him of kacchan's name (KATSUdon vs KATSUki)

hope this is a good enough hc list anon!

#asks for becki #there are probably some really obvious ones im missing #bakudeku #bkdk #becki rambles about stuff

86 notes · View notes

cherrypikkins · 9 months

Note

11, 16, 18?

yes hello :3

11) What combat class do they secretly wish they could be?

Hero - both literally and figuratively. So long as gender restrictions aren't stopping them, they could pull it off. They have a strength in axes, after all.

Now if only the job in-game wasn't so horribly suboptimal. LOL

Other than that, they do have an eye for the Valkyrie and Dark Flier classes.

16) Who could they win an arm wrestle against? A game of darts? A game of chess?

As a precaution, Kitt would lose arm wrestling on purpose against anyone stronger than say, Ashe. Even then, they wouldn't dare play at full strength.

Kitt can keep up a respectable game of darts against all but the best archers.

They can win maybe 1/3 chess games against Seteth. They will always let Flayn win, however.

18) Are they an early bird or night owl?

Both. As a matter of fact, it can be hard to catch sight of them during full daylight hours where people are out and about.

thanks for playingggg :3

#fe3h oc

7 notes · View notes

my-toh-theories-2 · 2 years

Text

So, so, so sorry in advance but this is gonna be a DUMB long post as I have So Many Thoughts that led into So Many Different Tangents but, some Belos, Caleb and his partner thoughts!!! Just the past for right now. This post was originally going to be about both the past and where I think TOH will go from there but honestly, I've been working on this stupid fucking post since early June. Idk why but I just keep hitting writing blocks writing about the future. I think it'd just be best to crank this one out now and hopefully some feedback will help me write about the future. Also I REALLY wanna get this out before S3 comes out djsjsk

Oh, and disclaimer. When talking about past Philip am I in no way trying to excuse any of the shit he pulled as Belos. Lmao no. Fuck him. This man lived for 300+ years and still didn't learn that genocide, colonization, bigotry, abuse, murder, etc. is bad, actually. He is a grown ass man capable of making his own choices and he chose to do this. To be like this. Only he and he alone is complicit in his own damnation and I hope he gets hit by a fucking truck lmao

Anyways, onto the post!!

Ok firstly just getting this out of the way, no, I don't think Caleb is inherently good and that Belos was just born evil (like look at child him in Hollow Mind his aura was purple before it became red). I think they're both just: people, who did both good and bad things. Just, were, y'know? What separates them I think is choice and the ability to change. When Caleb learned that witch hunting was actually wrong he chose to not want to become a witch hunter and changed for the better. When Philip learned it was wrong he chose to double down on his bigoted beliefs (well I think it's a bit more complex than that but I'll talk about it later lmao). They were just, both people, both kids, that came from the same fucked up environment. It's what they chose to do after they learned the truth and left that environment that differentiates them.

Ok so, onto their childhood in the Human Realm. Something right off the bat that strikes me is how just, alone the two are.

Sure they're having fun but it's just them. The only other people we see are just silhouettes in the background. We don't even see their parents!! Where are they? Hello??? I do think like Eda and Lilith they were each other's only friends. Also personal lil’ head cannon but I do think some parentification happened on Caleb's part and he was forced to act as a parental figure to Philip due to their parent's absence/neglect. Like, they're both figuratively and literally out of these pictures!!! This isn't even touching on the religious trauma these two most definitely have (lmaoo like look at Belos). God these kids came from such a fucked up home.

Also I think how the Emperor's Coven operates gives us a good picture on what their home life was like. Like look at this man that religious trauma had to have come from somewhere lol. In all seriousness tho Belos does have a major theme of the cycle of abuse (esp with the grimwalkers). Sometimes, when the cycle continues the abused turned abuser does so as a way to reclaim power. I feel small so I'm going to make you feel even smaller. Remember how he used his curse goo to make himself MASSIVE in Young Blood Old Souls? He is both figuratively and literally making himself bigger. To reclaim that power. He made Luz KNEEL before him. Made everyone else smaller.

I also noticed that sometimes when he does something horrible it looks just so goddamn cathartic to him. Like he's scratching some very deep wounds.

Ok back to their childhood djsjsks (I told you there were gonna be So Many Tangents fjskssk). But, now looking at the Gravesfeild crest: I think it gives us a pretty good look at how they felt about Gravesfeild/how they were perceived by their town. There are 3 variations in show. The golden guard crest which is just a bird in an outline that looks like a bird cage (like all it's missing is bars and the loop at top to hang it), Philip’s version that just has the wings under it no bird up top on his explorer jacket and the one in Gravesfeild that has both.

Considering that the version without wings is worn by Hunter and was the old Golden Guard sigil I think it's safe to say that Caleb is the bird in the bird cage. Philip also has a wing motif as Belos seen with his staff, coven sigil and rebuilt portal so yeah he's the wings. I do think the both of them didn't fit in in Gravesfeild but Caleb in particular really felt like he didn't fit in/belong there. Which, now that I think about it, yeah, makes sense. This kid is so happy go lucky and looks like he'd sob if he accidentally stepped on a bird lol. His name, Caleb, means wholehearted too. (It could also mean dog idk every website I looked at kept contradicting each other saying “oh it’s wholehearted,” “NO it actually means DOG the other website was wrong,” “ACTUALLY-” DJFJFJ. I digress lol. I’m just gonna view it as both sdkfsj.) Anyways, he really just doesn't look like witch hunting material. On the other hand I don't think Philip (and Belos now) feels the same way as his adventuring outfit does have a simplified logo of the crest on his jacket only without the bird (Caleb) in the bird cage. But that doesn't change the fact that the pair of wings are still under the birdcage... he was just as trapped as Caleb. Imo Philip gives me the vibes of someone who doesn’t fit into society in one way or another yet desperately wants to.

Now one last tidbit about their childhood before I move on to them entering the demon realm. Philip and Belos are shown in show to be ambidextrous but left-hand dominant. And, in childhood is shown only using his right hand. Considering his time period... yeah they forced this kid to be right-handed didn’t they? And considering how the left hand was believed to be the “devil’s hand” or smthing I wouldn’t be surprised if he developed a lot of self loathing and self hatred from that that would then, to him, be later used to justify his horrible actions. “I’m already an evil sinner for being left handed so why even try be good? There’s no point.” A very nasty self fulfilling prophecy. Idk Just a thought.

Also I think it's super interesting how Belos has a bird motif but only as wings. Never an actual bird of his own. Nor does he fully become left-handed. He never really fully self actualized nor healed huh. Which, yeah Hollow Mind basically confirmed that with inner kid Belos. The guy was crying alone when we first met him. Plus that painting of adult him post fratricide wearing his childhood mask Caleb made of him. He really is just a giant man child huh?

Ok now onto them entering the demon realm. Firstly, I do think they were "lured in by a real witch." It's both what the historical account says and what Philip's own memories show. Only Philip's journal says otherwise and well, we know he lied a FUCK TON in that journal I wouldn't really trust anything he says in that unless shown otherwise (and I'm not really gonna rely on that for this post). Also Philip’s journal explanation of how he got there reeks of bullshit.

“After 5 years I have finally found it. A power source so potent it can pierce through realms: Titan’s blood. There are old tales of lakes reflecting green trees and blue skies. The Titan’s veins run through the land and many believe these wild portals are made when a little of it’s blood leaks into the water. That is how I came here, so that is the first place I shall look. I will journey back to Eclipse Lake.” Belos, Eclipse Lake

So you’re telling me that you came through a wild portal and only NOW after trying to make a portal door for 5 YEARS you just thought to look into wild portals???? Only NOW?????? Dude if someone got isekai-ed to the demon realm through a wild portal and wanted to get back home they would IMEDITALLY look into wild portals to figure out how they worked to get back home. You’re telling me you only thought to look into these wild portals NOW?????? AFTER 5 YEARS????? Yeah no I’m calling bullshit.

Ok, lil’ side rant tangent done. But, I do think the memories are biased from Philip's perspective and I don't think that's quite how it went down. Mindscapes do reflect the individual after all. Anyways, there looks to be 2 paintings of the event and the historical depictions in Yesterday’s Lie.

This, what I think is most likely right before them entering the demon realm, and them being “lured in by a witch.” It’s honestly interesting how Caleb is framed from Philip’s perspective; it's like he’s on “his side” one minute then “on the side of the witches,” the next. Choosing them over him. This encounter in both the historical account and in Philip’s memories is framed as a deal with the devil of sorts. A temptation of sin. A corruption of Caleb.

But, I don’t think that fast “switch” is what happened for Caleb. That’s not how it happens for ex-cult members/deradicalization. It’s a very long process. And within the historical account he’s pretty friendly with the witch, shaking their hand and he already has Flapjack on his shoulder. Going off of this he could’ve already been “on their side” for years at this point. This day is just the first time Philip found out about it. Which is why he’s on “his side” one minute and then “the witches side” the next.

When Luz first enters the Demon Realm not really of her own choice, her Azura book is almost burned by Eda. Mirroring Philip's journal almost being burned in Elsewhere and Elsewhen. However, when Luz chooses to stay at the end of the episode, the eye from “Del's tower” blinks. The first and only time it's done that.

Anyways, when they enter the demon realm Caleb looks 18/19 and Philip looks mid-teens. And then there's just a huge time skip to young adult Philip traveling the Boiling Isles?? Girl what happened during that time period??? Well, I'd like to propose an idea.

A while back I made a speculative post wondering that, hey, considering that this show loves to do parallels what if the Wittebane brothers were once in a trio similar to our modern day trio of Eda, King and Luz? Caleb is Luz, Philip is King and that "witch that lured them in" is Eda. Belos already feels like a worse case scenario of King. And well, since then we learned more (like Luz really parallels Caleb now) + we know this hole in time exists, yeah l really think this is what happened lol.

Starting off with Philip again he does feel like he’s a worst case senario of King. Mainly season 1 King. Like this man became an actual tyrant. It’s like he never got his own Echoes of The Past moment (or he could’ve and it just never stuck).

They’re both little guys with big Napoleon complexes that want to be taken seriously. They crave power, have main character syndrome and treat people like minions (with Philip specifically treating others like NPCs). Season 1 King had this King of Demons fantasy and a lot of his own self worth was tied up into this story. Which hey, sounds a lot like a certain someone’s journal.

Imo I think his own fantasy was a “chosen one” fantasy. There’s a lot of little references to him in Witches Before Wizards. Luz’s toy sword’s hilt has a crown on top like the Emperor’s sigil, the chosen one map has a bunch of lil’ suns on it (as Belos he has a sun motif seen in propaganda paintings I’d show them but posts have a 30 pic post limit sflakjzjk), and Azura shares a lot of design similarities with Belos.

They also share possessiveness and a fear of being abandoned. Remember when King shrunk down Willow and Gus due to his jealousy and possessiveness of Luz in Really Small Problems? When they all get shrunk down and Tibbles throw them into the tent of tiny terrors they (and by they I mean more specifically King) have to fight against horses with blue eyes. (If you didn't know the name Philip means friend of horses which yeah, that's pretty self explanatory).

As much as I just harped on him (I mean it's very easy and fun to bully this senior citizen) I do actually think this lil trio did him some good. Remember my whole spiel about the wings? I personally think it came from here. Whether he was actually putting in the effort or it was better, not abusive, environment + Caleb, like Luz, bringing the best out of everyone I'm unsure. Could be both. I do 100% think Caleb brought out the best in Philip and that's why he went downhill fast without him.

With Caleb while yeah he def parallels Luz by falling in love with a witch but I also think they parallel in spirit, falling in love with the demon realm + wanting to stay and in their affinity for magic. Like, Belos straight up tells Luz, "I like your spirit," in Young Blood Old Souls dhsnsj yeah.

In terms of magic remember this man made Flapjack. Which is, y’know, a right of passage for a witch. Also this is a show about witches, demons and magic with the main villain being a puritanical 1600s witch hunter. So his brother both falling in love with a witch and becoming one is very fitting lol.

Bit of a tangent but I wanna talk about what kind of magic he practiced cuz I think I cracked it lol. It definitely wasn't glyphs cuz Belos had to learn that on his own (and remember had a very difficult time with it it took him years to find those glyphs). Knowing Caleb he probably would've just, shared that knowledge with his brother. I think he practiced elemental magic instead. And I don't think it's a coincidence that the first time we heard of it being a thing is when Hunter mentioned it in Hunting Palismen.

When Hunter fights with Flapjack in Eclipse Lake the attacks he used is elemental in nature. Lighting bolt shower (fire), a stone fist (earth) and his teleportation which feels very electric. Tying it back to that lighting bolt shower. But Belos never really uses any spells like that just sticking to glyphs (except that one time he moved rock in Young Blood; Old Souls but remember with the right combination you can cast anything). This... has some interesting implications. Firstly, we know magic is a gift from the isles. The Titan will tell it to you, you just gotta listen. So, if I'm right about Caleb practicing elemental magic, why show that to Caleb and not to either Philip or Luz? And why doesn't Belos use it? He does want to definitely wants to look at these unfinished glyph combos in Them’s The Breaks, Kid. They’re all elemental in nature...

Windy is air, the water fountain is water, petrification is stone. There isn't a fire one cuz it already exists in glyph form. The envy here is pulpable lol

Also remember how Philip called glyphs picto-glyphs in Elsewhere and Elsewhen? If you look into the etymology of the word picto it derives from Latin, meaning panting/to paint. On the contrary we know spoken spells are a thing and thanks to Hooty's Moving Castle we know a human too can cast a spoken spell. Mabye it's a language barrier? That's why the Titan only showed Caleb elemental magic to stop Philip and showed Luz glyph magic cuz it's much eaiser to learn for a beginner compared to elemental magic? Just an idea but yeah. But I do think he practiced elemental magic tho. Elemental magic user Caleb truther.

Oh and one more Luz and Caleb parallel I wanna talk about. "You witches come up with the worst lies." Belos, Elsewhere and Elsewhen. Considering that he parallels both Luz and Eda (I will talk about the latter’s parallels soon) and that both have lied/withheld the truth in the past.... That line was also about Caleb wasn't it Philip? I mean the episode where we learned that Caleb existed was the same one where Luz told her mom the truth about where she’s actually been (Yesterday’s Lie) … Idk just wanted to put this here cuz this line has always stuck out to me as having a double meaning.

Again, hard to really write anything for their Eda but considering how she had that portal door for years and freely traveled back and forth for decades; I'd assume their version of Eda had their own door that later got destroyed (like how Eda's door got destroyed) trapping the Wittebane brothers in the demon realm.

Before we go back into the timeline I wanna go over their Clawthorne sisters parallels. Cuz yeah, it's pretty obvi they parallel them too (GOD this show loves doing parallels fjsksk). In Them’s The Breaks, Kid we actually learn that joining the Emperor’s Coven was more Lilith’s dream and Eda only tagged along because she didn’t want to be separated from Lilith. But, when she met Raine and learned how fucked up covens actually were thanks to Terra she realized that she that she could actually decide for herself. That joining the Emperor’s Coven wasn’t her only path in life she had options. And months later she made that choice. I think Caleb was the same way.

Like yeah he’s having fun but he’s not looking up at the witch hunters in the same aspirational awe like Philip is. Again, I think Caleb was “on the witches’ side” before entering the demon realm. Unsure when this change began to happen for Caleb but I do think it was a process (I mean this kind of deradicalization is always a progress but I digress.)

After Eda made her choice the sisters then stopped talking: becoming foils to one another as well as ideologically opposing each other. Eda the free wild witch who refuses to join a coven vs Lilith the tamed and subdued Coven witch. A big S1 main plot point was Lilith trying to tame Eda and force her to join the Emperor’s Coven thinking that it’d be both for her good and that Belos would heal her.

Ngl I think this happened to the Wittebane brothers when they first entered the demon realm. Becoming foils and ideologically opposing each other. Specifically about their thoughts about the demon realm, magic and witches. Philip saw the demon realm as his fantasy world to conquer and colonize. Magic as dangerous (a LOT of his propaganda is about how magic/wild magic is dangerous. As bullshit as his propaganda is I do think there’s little nuggets of truths in said propaganda.) And witches as subhuman. Caleb however saw the demon realm as just another place that he eventually wanted to live in, magic as beautiful and witches as equals.

Now, back to the timeline and to when Philip's traveling the Demon Realm. Again, I'm taking the journal with a HUGE grain of salt and I'll mostly be focusing on the paintings but, looking at them I get the vibe that Philip traveled alone?

I wouldn’t put it past him to want to do his “hero’s journey” alone. But it could also just be him being egotistical again and making the story in his journal all about him. He also could’ve split from everyone else at some point before the fratricide. Eclipse Lake seems like a good point for him to do that. That is when he started growing a beard which symbolizes that a character isn’t doing too hot. Also during these travels is when he carved those glyphs into his skin and cursed himself… god he was Going Through It. I wouldn’t be surprised if this curse made him return back to and/or even doubled down on his childhood, witch hunting bigoted beleifs.

I also think Philip bottled up all of these negative feelings during this time too. Like, look at his expression when Caleb’s hugging/supporting Philip. He’s just, standing there; not allowing himself to accept this love and support with his curse. Not accepting help. And when you bottle up all of your emotions like that well... (heheh post foreshadowing).

Ok now onto Caleb cuz while his brother is off loosing his fucking mind he's off GETTING IT LMAOO. Anyways, these two. There's not much to go on cuz we don't know that much but I think that owl crest and Caleb's Alador connections can tell us some things.

Oh also I do think they're Clawthorne ancestors. There's just so, so many little things tying the Wittebane brothers to the Clawthornes. How Eda and Hunter both say bye the same way (they also snort when they laugh), Eda's cloak has a little owl clasp that looks like Hunter's GG mask, Dell. Just, Dell fjsks. When Belos tries to flee back to the human realm after the Day of Unity his hair looks a bit like Eda's and Dell's. That reddit QNA where Dana said "bird themed houses are a Clawthorne thing." Fisksok there's more but I can't remember them all. But, you get my jist.

So something I’d like to start off with is all of Caleb’s Alador connections?? Same nose shape, same widows peak, they both had long hair in low ponytails before chopping it off. Also Alador’s Bonesborough brawl outfit had a lot of similarities to Caleb’s outfit. Why these connections? What do they mean? Off the bat I wondered if he and Wittewife were either parallels or foils to Alador and Odalia? I particularly lean more towards them being foils. Girlboss x malewife: healthy edition I guess? Also a while back round the end of S2 I speculated if Caleb made the Jean-Lucs and that “King’s castle” was just a Titan hatchery/daycare because of this connection (I mean it is something he could make without a bile sack lol. Stone + glyph abomination). Another potential foil.

But I think this connection could also mean something else. It could show us what it’d look like if Philip got his way. That Caleb instead just became Philip’s right hand man/side kick instead of wanting to choose his own life for himself and settling down with Wittewife. And what that’d specifically look like for Caleb too. Which is fucking miserable to say the least lol

Not much else to go off here cuz there’s so little to work with yeah. Also what this means for Wittewife and Odalia??? Too early to say lol. I’m gonna talk more about this in a bit but if they are foils then maybe a reverse Odalia? Instead of someone who claws her way to the top she was already on the top who then relinquished that privilege to live a more simple life? (I promise I am not pulling this out of my ass here there is some precedent here dsjsdkj).

Also I’d like to talk about Caleb’s Titan connections cuz there wow he Has Them? The first obvious one is the Titan death pose but they’re also both fathers and like the Titans, life too sprung from Caleb’s corpse (grimwalkers).

Also the yellow sclarea and black pupil slit found on the portal door shows up fucking everywhere and is connected to the Titan’s via Eda’s wanted poster??? Like c’mon it’s most likely at this point that Caleb made this stupid fucking door (imo with Wittewife too cuz remember 2 people made the door) so that’s another connection??? Idk what any of this means just putting these observations on the table.

Almost forgot but when King was having his identity crisis in Knock Knock Knockin on Hooty's Door it happened in "Del's old tower." Which I'm pretty damn sure is the first and only time we're actually in that stupid tower.

Ok now, this thing. This thing shows up ALL the god damn time throughout the show. Only in Eda's home on her living room ceiling. But like seriously in rewatching episodes to write this stupid fucking post I realized how often this guy shows up. He also sometimes glows gold. This and all the little connections tieing the Wittebane brothers with the Clawthornes I think this guy was Caleb's and his partner's family crest that then became the Clawthorne family crest. Also, I have no basis for this, this is just my own dumb lil’ headcannon but I’d like to think they made the last name Clawthorne together. She’s the claw and he’s the thorne. They’re the start of the Clawthornes. Idk I just think it’s cute :3. Plus that’s how Belos would know that Eda and Lilith are descendants cuz it’s a name they made up so if someone has that last name, yeah, they’re most likely related. Remember he doesn’t eat both of their palismen and he’s pretty lenient with them whereas he’s much more cut throat with everyone else. So…

Ok back on track with this stupid fucking crest but something really interesting about it is it has a crown… why?? What??? This, led me down a fucking rabbit hole and I have SO many thoughts. Mayhaps a queen or something who then gave up her crown to live her life how she saw fit???? A reverse Odalia? (Also Odalia thought the day of unity would’ve made her family royalty and her a queen). I know that's a huge claim to make but hear me out.

Firstly there’s ruins on the knee that imply some grand/big structures and we see in Hollow Mind Belos destroying these now ruins. He is known to rewrite history and is the kind of petty bitch to completely erase her specifically from the history books. LMAO cope n sethe harder Bitchlos. However, let's look more closely at the ruins from Hollow Mind to Adventures In The Elements, from past to present.

That same archway with that dangling chain is in both past and present but if you look closely there is a big structure behind that archway in Hollow Mind that is now completely gone today… and Bill in Edge of The World called the Boiling Isles the “Carcass Kingdom '' instead of an Empire which is what it is now.

Also this. It's from the Owl pellets shorts from S1. It's a soap opera parody of a young, high class woman having to choose between a vain man who only wants her for the power she'd give him and a down to earth farm boy who actually loves her. That, Fucking Egg is wearing Caleb's outfit minus the shirt being white fjsjsk. Also those stupid fucking eyes are back GOD I think this is the smoking gun that show that yeah these eyes and Caleb are in some way connected fjsjsk.

Also this lol. “Little Prince...”

If I'm right and Wittewife was the queen who gave up her throne in some way I'm then in turn not insinuating that Caleb is now The True Good King or smthing. I really don't think TOH would go there. This is a fantasy show that breaks the fantasy genre. They're both just, people. And Caleb didn't fall in love with her because she is The Queen and wanted to be The King (like look at how he dresses he's pretty down to earth). He fell in love with Wittewife, not the queen. And they both just wanted to live a simple life together in the woods.

But I don't think that's how Philip saw it. He can't pull himself out of the fantasy. Out of his little power fantasy. And here's Caleb is who Stole His Dream. Absolute, pulpable envy.

Ok before we get onto the fratricide, the grimwalkers and what that all means I wanna talk about Belos for a bit. Specifically about why he became Belos. Again I don't think he was just born evil (nobody is). His child self's aura in his mindscape was purple after all. And in writing this post I think I finally get why he became Belos. He 1. can't accept help 2. he can't admit to fault and 3. aggrieved entitlement.

Firstly with being unable to accept help. I think his curse shows this off pretty well. Any and all offers of help from Hunter about his curse are quickly and violently shot down. And when Caleb supports Philip with his curse he doesn't even hug him back. He's just, standing there. Not allowing himself to be vulnerable and accept Caleb's love and support. Of course when you don't allow yourself to open up with your emotions well, things bottle up...

Secondly he can't admit to any faults. Think about the grimwalkers. It's always them betraying him. When in reality it sounds like they wanted to either leave or opposed him cuz they found out either about the other grimwalkers or more out about him. This motherfucker has SO many both metaphorical and LITERAL skeletons in his closet that when your average person finds out about them they OBVIOUSLY bail. Dude it’s you dsjhdj. You’re the problem. Incel-esque motherfucker.

"You know. Unfettered wild magic wiped out our family. Everyone knew too much and got themselves hurt." Hunter, Hollow Mind

“Not unless he stays on the right path. I tell him, “the Titan has big plans for you,” and he does what he’s told. Unlike the previous attempts.” Belos, Hollow Mind

Also think about how he acts when confronted with an angry Luz and Lilith after he just tried sacrificing them in Elsewhere and Elsewhen. This man just casually brushes off their rightful anger about him almost killing them. And, after they demand info from him he has the GAUL to say that they need to further work for him before he’ll give that info. Then he goes full mask off with a childish temper tantrum in his little cuck no bitches cave after Lilith decked him. “Those barbarian witches!” DUDE!! Lilith baby girl PLEASE punch him again I am BEGGING YOU.

And finally, Aggrieved entitlement. God I love this word and I'm so glad I found it while writing this stupid fucking post cuz it describes both Belos and well, fucking everything SO WELL. It's a pretty broad word but it's specifically relating to men. Broadly, it's when men in general feel like their "rightful place" as men is challenged and their access to their "rightful things" such as money, power and/or women is diminished or denied. It's humiliation that eventually turns itself into violence. Y'know, incels! The manosphere, MRAs etc!! It is why they are Like That.

This ties into Philip and both his main character syndrome + his eventual colonization of the Boiling Isles. He feels that, as a white cishet man, he ought to be the main character. That this is his fantasy story. His world. And in any other fantasy story it would be. But not here. Luz, a bi, poc and gnc girl is the main character. And the Demon Realm isn't going to give him special treatment just cause he's a white human man. He's not special. That's not what the Demon Realm is. And in fact his lack of a bile sack actually puts him lower on the totem pole in this society and it's very clear that this pisses him off. "Here to gawk? I may not have a bile sack but I still have dignity." This envy then turns inwards as he carves glyphs into his skin; cursing himself in the process.

Wonder if they’ll discuss toxic masculinity with Belos too. Cuz all 3 of these problems are PEAK toxic masculinity. Knowing this show possibly. I’d personally would like to see it lol.

OK! Fratricide time! Hurray!! Ok firstly I don't think this was just all over Caleb being with a witch. Well, that was what was apart of it yes but it's not all of it. I think this particular moment was the culmination of all of the things Belos hated about Caleb. A nasty tipping point.

Firstly I wanna talk about the portal door. "Two people made it," either Caleb and Belos made it or Caleb and his partner made it (I strongly lean towards the latter). Someone had to have had made this fucking thing. And remember, Eda found the portal door buried in dirt in the ruins of a structure. That same structure surrounds the Emperor's Castle today. With these 2 connections I think it's pretty safe to say the fight happened in those ruins. Portal door + those ruins paints a fight not just about him being with a witch but also Caleb not going home with him. “We don’t belong here.” Belos to Luz, King’s Tide. Belos is really, weirdly, obsessive and possessive of Caleb (cough cough grimwalkers). To Belos, this feels like a betrayal. Like Caleb is choosing them, choosing sin over him. Replacing him with Wittewife. Look at this painting they both have the same lil front hair cow lick.

Choosing to become a witch rather then become a witch hunter with him.

Of course this all doesn't mean Caleb wouldn't still visit/keep in touch he definitely loves his brother. Like think about that panting of Caleb supporting Philip while he's suffering from his curse. That pure love and support on his face for his baby brother. He'd never abandon him. Nor choose someone else over him. And hey they got that portal door now he'd obviously come and visit you, Philip. This is just Philip's worst fears which he feels has just come to fruition. That Caleb is abandoning and replacing him with Wittewife.

But I don’t really think that’s the end of it though. People are messy. And even the most evil of people feel. And it's pretty clear that he does feel guilty about this. It is his worst memory after all.

The shock and fear of being forced to relive those memories again. The grief of seeing Caleb’s dead body. And finally, curiously, him making a grimwalker. Where he then screams. Imo I think this was the first grimwalker and he thought he was bringing Caleb back. Not making a clone. Which is why he then screams. Caleb’s gone.

I think the panting of Ivan The Terrible killing his own son describes the soul crushing guilt here better then I ever could.

Before I end this post here I want to talk a bit about the grimwalkers and what they mean. Like yeah at first glance it’s a metaphor for the cycle of abuse. But, what does this mean for Belos? Why add this to his character? He knows they’re not Caleb, they’re all their own people but he keeps going. He keeps making them. And he keeps killing them once they "betray" him. Why? Again, I think it’s because he can’t bare to live his life without Caleb.

Think about how he kills off all the grimwalkers when they “betray” him. How he tried trapping Hunter, alone, forever, in his subconscious while he and Luz were trapped in his mindscape. How even though he knew Hunter’s sigil would kill him in a week’s time he was still on the hunt for him. It's because like how Belos can't bare to live his life without Caleb, none of the grimwalkers are allowed to live their own lives without Belos.

"You know, unfettered wild magic wiped out our family. Everyone knew too much and got themselves hurt." Hunter, Hollow Mind

"I say, the Titan has big plans for you. And he does what he's told. Unlike the previous attempts." Belos about Hunter, Hollow Mind. Again, cuz it bares repeating.

And just a lil note about the grimwalkers. It's not that the grimwalkers have Caleb's Good Gene or some other weird bio-essentialist thought that makes them "rebel." The problem is Belos. He only uses people then throws them away once he's done. Nobody is gonna wanna stick around with a person who treats them like that. And nobody is gonna wanna stick around when they find the numerous skeletons in his closet too. He's always been the problem. (Baring Kikimora but I think what she represents is what he's looking for in a Caleb sidekick. He just doesn't notice cuz 1. Demon and 2. Not Caleb. His head is stuck pretty far up his own ass I noticed).

Oh and one last thing before I end this but like a little taste for the future post...

I really don’t think the Day of Unity is the end of Belos’ plans. I didn’t then and I still don’t. Look at this man he thrives off of his own bullshit you seriously think he’s gonna stop now lol? And Caleb. Why add him to Belos’ story? We know he desperately wants him back... and we know he knows the time pools exist...

“Witches and demons are real. And they’re all sent from Mars to harvest human teeth to power their time machine.” Jacob, Yesterday’s Lie

OK DONE.

#the owl house #toh #toh belos #caleb wittebane #philip wittebane #toh wittewife #toh speculation #toh theory #oh my god this post is finally fucking done #if you notice any errors no you didn't #this stupid fucking post has been haunting me since early June #i am Now Free

29 notes · View notes