#Phil’s face is so funny here pls

[internetforthesociallyinept]

#phan #dan howell #danisnotonfire #phil lester #dan and phil #amazingphil #phandom #dnp #dnpg #dnpgifs #dnpgames #dapgifs #dapg #dapgames #Phil’s face is so funny here pls #this moment stuck out to me cuz i was preparing for phil's “ew gross dan” and instead it was a really fucking cute just like funny thing #yknow less like “yikes dont be gay i cant be gay” and more like “omfg my friend is so embarrassing rn pls make it stop” #sister Daniel #Lucifer Lester #spooky week #baking video #dan and phil games #Daniel Howell

[ax-y10]

Hello hello!

I'm here to make my first official request during my time on tumblr!

All i can think about is going to Disneyland with wilbur (heavily inspired by the Tom Simon's channel 🫢) and the rest of them and being apart of that video.

Like buying wilbur ears and having Tommy gagging at all the couple antics going on and Phil cheering wil on. Wilbur surprising you with a Disneyland sweatshirt and promoting Disney instead of Tommy's merch that was coming out of the time.

I hope all is well for you and I love your latest

:)

Pure Love And Disney Sweaters

In which- a certain "child" wants attention, but you have the most important eyes

A/n: I'm going to try my best fucking hardest to make your first request a really good one. I haven't watched in ages so I'm going to try my hardest to rewatch it. I'm tired pls don't bully me

Chapter info: Swearing, kissing, Tommy wanting attention, Wilbur making silly little jokes at you, fear of rollercoasters, Phil being a darling, Kristin also being a darling, Tommy being a shithead, mention of passing out, mention of panic attacks, mention of throwing up. It's funny because I actually didn't rewatch the vid, and this is all over the place (i'm sad that I didn't include the quirked up white boy thing or the stubble)

Pronouns: None (You/Yours)

Masterlist:

You got so excited when Tommy told you that he was going to Disneyland for a new vlog. You were ecstatic at the idea as you'd never been to Disneyland before, jumping around in your seat. Wilbur heard your little cheers from the room over, and when he peered in, you were spinning your chair around. You yelped when you saw him in the doorway, a fond smile spread across his face.

The very first thing you did upon finding out was ramble to Wilbur about how excited you are, followed by packing. Tom said he got tickets for everyone's flights (you doubt it) and created a groupchat with everyone who was going, made up of Phil, Kristin, Tommy, Wilbur and you.

'Fair group' you thought. But oh my you were wrong.

The entire flight, Tommy was playing his DS, but as soon as Wilbur pulled out his 'You can rest your head on my shoulder move', Tommy was at it with the teasing.

"Oh Wilbur, how could you ignore me?" "How come Y/n gets to rest their head on your shoulder and I don't?" followed by him throwing his head on Wil's shoulder.

And it didn't stop until you finally reached the hotel. The constant teasing and poking fun dying down once you were both laying down on the bed, nuzzled against each other, and tired after a long day full of Tommy.

"Sweetheart?" Wilbur spoke into the silence of the room, snapping you from your anticipation for the day to come.

"Yes?" You rested your head in the crook of his shoulder and neck.

He paused for a moment, contemplating his next words, whispering "I love you" cheekily before turning away from you and curling into a ball.

You reefed on his pajama shirt, getting him to roll back over to cuddle you, the cold of the room finally finding its way under the sheets without your boyfriends arms around you. Complying, you were once again peaceful with the weight of his arms resting on your sides.

And soon enough, you were awake nice and early (against your will, blame Tommy), brushing your hand through Wilbur's curls, and getting ready for the day. An hour passed and you ran down the stairs to the lobby, stuffing up your sweater, and finding a seat next to Kristin.

"How come males always take forever to get ready when their is something important going on?" you whispered to Kristin, before leaning back and smiling cheekily.

"I think it should be the other way around, dear," She replied and laughed quietly.

All of a sudden, you let out a squeal as a warm pair of arms engulf you, followed by a forced weight and a yelp from a familiar boy.

"Ow, Tommy!" You exclaimed, the boy throwing himself down next to Phil.

Arriving at Disneyland, Tommy immediately wanted to go on "Space Mountain", and begged and begged Wilbur to take him over there, him declining each time

And then he got ganged up on by a bunch of presumably eight year olds who could pull the sword out of the stone, bullying Tommy for not being able to pull it out. You had to drag him away from it, all the while Wil was spouting false history facts about the building the group was approaching.

Later, you and Wilbur sat on a bench outside a ride while Phil and Tommy went on a rollercoaster together, and Kristin was getting food for everyone, even though you had offered to go with her. You were talking about how you had never been to Disneyland and how this entire experience was made all the better just by him being by your side. You weren't aware, but he was staring at your face and the excitement plastered over it, admiring you until you turned to him.

"I love you" you whispered, in which you broke him out of his trance.

"I love you too, forever and always, my love," he spoke sincerely, and you saw the genuine emotions behind his eyes.

Que the gag from Tommy and the exchanged smiles between Phil as Wilbur leaned down and pressed his lips to yours.

"Oh fuck off Tommy, you attention-seeking ass" your boyfriend teased, and pulled a small giggle from your lips.

"IT'S YOUR TURN ON THE ROLLERCOASTER, LOVEBIRDS!" Tommy yelled, and your eyes widened in fear. You hated rollercoasters.

A hand was placed upon your shoulder, and you were led into the ride with Wilbur, waiting nervously in line. You weren't ready for the roller coaster, not at all.

"Wilbur, please. I really don't want to do this. I'm terrified of rollercoasters," You begged, desperately wanting to avoid this, scared you'll pass out, have a panic attack or throw up.

"Okay, you head back out to Kristen and I'll get Tommy to come with me for forcing you on here," He laughed, and you quickly walked back out to Kristen and Phil. Thankfully, it was the last ride they were going on for the day, so you three walked back out the front and ordered an uber for when Wilbur and Tommy get back.

But little did you know, Wilbur had bought you a Disney sweater, and surprised you with it when you got back to the hotel. And he was met with a big, warm hug from you and kisses peppered across his face.

And the best part of the day for him? Watching you smile in your sleep, engulfed in the blue fabric of the sweater, accompanied by your sweet noises in your sleep.

#wilbur soot #wilbur soot imagine #wilbur x reader #wilbur #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur soot fic #wilbur soot fluff #wilbur fluff #100 follower event #100 followers #event #follower milestone

[matchaoink]

Watching the vidcon dsmp panel vod thoughtss

JACK MANIFOLD MC ????

The audio isnt synced sadge

YOOOOOOOOO PEOPLE

Unannounced guests???

BOOMER OMG

YOOOOOOO CPK??

THE PEOPLE CHEERIGN WHEN THEY EACH GO ON STAGE AWWWWW

Props to Jack for mc-ing the best ‼️‼️‼️

HAHAHAHA PURPLED WHATTAHAJS

CONNOR?????

Shaking rn i just feel so haopy wTching it cringe is dead idgaf

Ranboos outfit is....something at least its not jorts

oh god tommys "HELLO? " AMAZIMGNGNGN

HE ACCOMPANIED RANBOO ONNFLROOROR

Tommys being tommy again HAHAH

OH GOD THEY SEE COSPLAYERS HAHAHA

HAHAHAHAH wilbur is like a giant mans just

OH GOD THEY STARTED A CHANT

HAHAHAHHA 20 MINS IN

Oh no questions time HELP

SPIDERMAID WOOOO

Im so

Im going to get thru this. Without cringing.

SPIDERMAID AND JARED???M WHATTT spidermaid jared aint for u WHAT THEYRE DATINGGGG

Im so glad the pog chanr was stopped TT

GOGY GLASSES OMG

HAHAHAH REPPING TUBNET

GHOSTBOO LORE OMG

GOOGLE DOC???? BROOROOROE YOU DOTM FET TO DROP THSI

So many ppl on stage TT like i feel as if some pekple arent getting questiosn and just sitting there

AHAHHAHA CONNOR

ghostbur suffering. sadge

Aww i heard "thank you" from the connor choosing person

Good question :OOO

I could never be on top of stage TT

WHATTT THE PLOT PIINTS WERE ??? MINUTES BEFORE DSICUSSDD????

Just realised how ranboo is sitting??? I sit like that too

HAHAHAH CONNOR BRO

HAHAHA THERES A LARRY VEGGIETALES COSPLAYER HAHAHAH

WOOO PIERCED EARS

Tommy is taking control HAHHAHA

I LOVE TBE QUEEN HAHAHA

Tommy is being so tommy rn ykwim

Im not looking at the video rn bc i cant look at the people who arent speaking and i feel so bad an dim cant

RANBOO STRWAMED LORE OVER SCHOOL HAHAHAHHAHAH

NAHHH THE SCHOOLKIDS RLLY SKIPEPD SCHOOL OVER MINCRAFT

HAHAHA THE FUCKING GIFTCARDS

SPEAK UR TRUTH TOM FUCK AMERICA

PRIMESSS

HAHAHA DREAM COSPLAYER

LMANBURGGG

QUACKIRY COSPLAYER

oh no this is THE question isnt it

OH NAHHHH THEY SATRTED WITH THE C!WILBUR

J CANT NAHH NAH ANH IM CANR

EVEN WILBUR SAID "youre not doing this"

I cannto. Cannot. STOP THSI AMDN3SS IM POWERING THROYGH THIS.

IM BUSTING MY ASS RN THEIR FACES

wilbur wishes he could go back in time and just not

TUBBOS FACE IS MAKING ME LOSE IT

thank god DONT SAY SORRY KING finally now we know tntduo's exacr dynamic

WOOOO SADIST

Crimebroosososos

OF COURSE WILBUR EASILY SLIPS ON

CEIMEBROSS LMANBRURG

HAAHA PHILS EYES ROLE

Awww CLINGYDUO :*(#*×*(×

JAHAHAHB FUNNY MODE ENDS HERE

NAHHHH NOT THE HOUSE BLOWING UP

Elytra :::&**((((

CPKKK WOOO

HAHAHA the house blowing up is like a passageway into lore

The left hand side be chill asf

LMFAOOO THE DSMP DVD

HAHAHAH CONNOR

Eret damnn bro

Ranboos character is just him when he like new-ish to streaming HAHAH

Ranboo what TTT *skull emoji x7*

THE STALLING HEHEHHE

THE M8 WOOOOOOO LETS GOOOO

Tattoo of the ranboo crown dedicated asf

THE FANRT FRRRR SLAYSSSS

These questions are nice and i love hearing the content creators talk about what they likr about streamign

Omg i just realised the *minors* of the dsmp are all here

CRIMBROSISISISSS

CIEMRBSOSOISOS crimbros cyeing rn

Awwhh :))) i love tubbos answer

Puffy <3<3<3<3

I hinestly cant rlly believe how theyre all friends in the server but its nice

CPK AND PONK :DDDDDD AWWHHH

This question is so wholesome :'))))))

no. WHY JUMP IN THE CADILLAC why BUT hinestly iconic tho, ah feels like donos

NAHHHH THEY SINGING IT BRO.

Pls next QUESTJON PLEAEE

TWITCHCON BRO I FIRGOT ABOUT THAT AHHAHAHAH

Awww the karl jacobs person WHOLESOME ASFFFF LETS GOO

THE ANGST PERFEVT ANSWER

AWWW IRS ENDINT :((((((

HEUGHT CHECK HAHAHAHHA

LMFAOOO JACK NEXT TO RANBOO AND PUFFY NEXT TO WILBIR AHHAHAHA AND ERET NEXT TO CONNOR HAHAHAHAHHA

AWW

Its over

So. That was fun

#vidcon #dsmp #dsmp panel #tommyinnit #philza #wilbur soot #ranboo #tubbo #captain puffy #purpled #jack manifold #boomerna #cpk #hannahxxrose #connoreatspants

[soft-boi-eli]

OMG CAN I REQUEST CC!PHILZA INTRODUCING HIS ADOPTED EMO CHILD TO THE REST OF THE SBI/DSMP

Gender neutral pls they/them

Of course! I've been having a bit of shortages on ideas. So this is so fucking welcomed.

Anyways

Father CC!Philza x Emo! Reader

Pronouns:they/them

Summary:your old parents gave you up as a teen, overflowing you with emotions, causing depression, mood swings, and quite a bit of anxiety. When you got adopted by a man and a lady,both seemingly very kind and understanding. You felt happy. They didnt expect the sleepy bois to come and visit so soon.

Tw:anxiety attacks, mention of depression, loving clothes (not a tw but damn I sometimes miss my old fashion sense.), mention of trauma, swearing!

A huge new family

They dont blame their biological family. They knew that they were being overwhelming. Slowly shifting into a state of mind where fluffy black and colored hair was their favorite. Their outfits became more extravagant and their makeup took a turn for the darker. But they didnt have to put them up for adoption.

About a year in and out of foster families, a few months in an orphanage, then one more foster family. It was official. They were the new child of philza.

Your life got better. Both of them accepted your choice of clothes and makeup, even supported it!

They helped with everything in the first few weeks. Giving you space, letting you know that they were there. But you nor phil knew that three boys were heading down to visit.

So when you answered the door to see three faces demanding philza minecraft and one just looking awkward. They were also changing about him coming and join them you felt panic flood through you. Slamming the door on their face you held near your chest.

Your uneven breathing was heard by your father and he was quick to scoop you away from the door and have kristin answer the door.

He was sitting next to you hand lightly rubbing your shoulder and he guided you through the panic attack. "That's it. In through the nose. Hold it for a few second. Breathe out." His voice was calm.

It took less time to calm you down then you've ever had. "There ya go mate. Just keep breathing." He kept coaching you through you panic attack.

Kristen let the four in with their promise of keeping calm. Your shaking form brought major concern to the two older ones and confusion to the two younger ones. "(Y/n) I want to introduce you to the four behind us. Technoblade, wilbur, tommy, and tubbo. They are really good friends of mine." Nodding lightly you sat there, not wanting to turn because if you did the panic would strike harder. Remembering what happened before you parents left you.

A huge group of people basically shunned your for your choices and didnt want to take you in because 'trash like you' wasnt accepted in the family. But these two were different. Supporting you with your choices. How different were their friends? "Hey I think you shirt is cool! Who's on it?" A slightly hyper voice broke through the silence. " black veil brides." It was quite but a start. "Cool! So their a band right? What kind of songs?" The brown haired teen was trying to communicate with you. "Uhm. Rock." It had started small but you opened up to the teens. They were about you age and they didnt bash what you decided to like. The two older ones hung out with phil and Kristen. You three hung out in your room which was kind of softer then your appearance. It was to reflect a bit deeper into you. Bookshelves, a desk, reading corner, and a bed. Not fully knowing what to put in there.

But you, tommy, and tubbo were almost the best of friends when they had to leave. Techno and Wilbur it took a bit. After the two teens left you had came out of your room, no makeup, hair had all products removed, and your clothes changed from Jean's and a black veiled brides shirt to a black tee shirt, grey sweat pants, with a book in hand.

Before sleeping you just chilled in the living room, reading while basking in the presence of your adoptive parents. You did not expect wilbur and techno to still be there.

Plopping down on the couch next to phil you opened your book and tried to zone out, to get engulfed into the book. Nope. Two sets of eyes just watching you.

"So you like poems?" The book you were reading was a massive collection of poems. Looking up to the two on the couch you nodded lightly.

Looking back down you felt nervous. "Small talk is awkward." Looking up to the brown haired guy with an American accent you nodded. "Same." Once more you looked down at your book. You already had issues focusing but you tried to work though it. "What kind of poems are you favorite?" You sat there for a second. Trying to think of something that catches your attention.

"Mainly ones about trauma. It reminds me I'm not the only one in the word that went through something I have. It just makes it more interesting when I can relate." It was true. Sometimes the poems you liked ring a little to close to home.

"Good choice. It does really intrigue the audience when they can relate." Nodding you closed your book. "Especially when you relate. It's a must for me. Other wise I get turned away from it and just cant focus. But if I like it then I am just dead set on that poem."

You and techno bonded over poems and wilbur brought up some songs. "So what is you song preference?" "Hollywood undead, black veil brides, other then that its random. If I like the song it's in my playlist." With no other preferences with music other then it had to sound good to you there was honestly no judgement for other people's taste in music. There were little treasures from almost all genres.

For a while you talked about poems and songs. It honestly helped you feel safer with them. They didnt care about what you found intriguing. Or why. You even went on a rant and there was no care. They just listened.

But sadly they had to leave. Bit they promised that they would visit more. They were like the brothers you never had.

"So I see that you were able to talk to all of them." Nodding to your father figure you smiled "they were nice. Honestly. I cant wait to see them again."

He found joy in you wanting to hang out with his friends/technically children too.

Now meet the rest of the dream smp. It was very fast. Meeting almost all of them at the same time.

Phil was streaming and no one except for the sleepy bois knew about you. So you walked into his stream, book in hand and sat on the couch behind his set up. You liked having another person on the room. You just hated being alone. It gave you really bad thoughts. "Who's that behind you phil?" A random donation read out. Phil looking behind himself saw you in the corner reading and you normally did. "Ah that's my child. They like to have company. So sometimes they come in here to read." "Wait you have a child?! Since when?" The voice made you jump. Your book fell out of your hands and you looked at your father's screen. A green man with a weird white blob for a skin on minecraft. "Yeah. I took a break to pick them up from the orphanage." All hell broke loose. You ran while phil answered questions. You were not dealing with that. No way. Nuh uh. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Not today satan. It took phil bribing you with a trip to hot topic to get you to come back in. I mean hey you get to score a few shirts and hats. Might as well.

Meeting the server wasbt too bad. But the questions were weird. You didnt answer the ones you were uncomfortable about and they didnt care. Your boundries were up. And when tommy, tubbo, willbur, and techno revealed they knew of you they were yelled at. It was funny. Watching people say they should of said something. But it resulted in alot of compliments and Phil's chat loving you.

You were now the older sibling of the chat. Why? Cause chat said so.

When you come in from now on the chat is chanting for you. Just "(y/n)!" Over and over.

Your life? Crazy. But it became a bit better after you were living with your new parents. It was heaven.

I'm sorry if its awkward I'm not good at introductions. And I am tis but a sleep deprived human. I need sleep and so do you have a nice day and once more I'm sorry if this isnt up to what you wanted.

#dsmp philza #philza #philza x reader #phliza mcyt #mcyt fluff #mcyt

[dreamsclock]

/ tw: prison abuse & torture

Honestly, I really want Dream to just go apeshit on Sam. Like, he just snaps and starts ranting about how fucking awful Pandora's Vault is. Especially if Sapnap and Puffy are there to hear it.

There are so many good scenarios for it too, it could work in pretty much any AU.

Like Total Control!Dream, after the dreamon's been exorcised, trying to forgive Sam but breaking down and screaming at him for everything he did. And Sam just sitting there and taking it because it's what he thinks he deserves.

Or Syndicate!Dream being confronted by Sam and losing his composure, calling him out for abusing him, growing hysterical from the fear that Sam will punish him for speaking out. Then Techno and Phil backing him up so Sam can't do anything to him.

But my favourite scenario is Dream breaking out of prison and regaining his power. He's manic and angry and doesn't even realise he's calling Sam out. It's meant to be a taunt, a way to show Sam that he doesn't have power over him anymore. It doesn't even occur to him that he's revealing something traumatic, he just assumes everyone already knew what Sam did.

Sam: Stand down, now.

Dream: Or what? You'll hit me? Go on, try it! Hit me with Warden's Will Breaker! Or is the mighty Warden afraid to hit someone who can fight back?

Then in the aftermath Sapnap and Puffy confront Sam about what Dream said and find out that Warden's Will Breaker is his fucking pickaxe.

(I'm gonna start signing my asks as Angst Rat since I've sent in few now. I was the anon who sent in the two asks about Sam finding Dream's dirt stash and the story about Dream recovering from touch aversion btw.)

ANGST RAT HELLO !! all of these are such painful scenarios, but i thought i’d write the last one because i adore writing dream when he’s powerful and don’t do it enough kshdfsd (though his power in this is a lot sadder, all things considering...

warnings: abuse (physical/emotional), pickaxe injuries, trauma, mental illness, c!sam/warden!sam critical, violence, death - this story is VERY heavy, pls be careful!!

Dream’s eyes are glittering in a way they hadn’t been during prison. Even without a mask, he’s terrifying - not from lack of emotion, this time, but from too much, all at once. They dance over his face to off-tune ballroom music, gaudy and too loud and much too telling. Sam grits his teeth at the sight of it, squaring his shoulders for what he’s certain will result in a loss of a life for someone.

“Dream, stop this,” he orders, gritting his teeth behind his mask tightly, “now. I don’t want to do this.”

And Dream doesn’t just laugh - he throws his head back to laugh at the sky in complete amusement and complete incredulity. “That’s rich!” He gasps, still giggling, dancing away from the blow from Tommy that whirls through the air toward him. “That’s- Oh, God, come on, now, you don’t have to lie out here. Or are you still lying to yourself, hmm?”

Sam’s blood runs cold. He doesn’t need to be a mind-reader to know what Dream is talking about. “Dream,” he stresses, suddenly very aware of Puffy’s curious eyes turning to him, searching, shrewd, “Dream, you don’t-”

“No!” Dream cuts him off, a furious, delighted light springing to life like wildfire inside his face. “No, no, Warden, you can’t tell me what to do anymore! Isn’t that funny? Isn’t that funny to you? You- Hah, you don’t have any power over me anymore. What the fuck are you going to do, slam a pickaxe into my arm over and over until I promise to behave?”

It had seemed barely acceptable in the dark confines of the prison, where every corner crooned in dark thoughts and every shadow was the worst version of himself. In the stark morning light, Sam feels himself shrink in shame and horror, feels something inside his head whisper a horrified mantra of guilt he will never be able to unhear. Puffy’s eyes are lasers now, and others are glancing his way. For once, Sam hides behind his mask instead of wearing it proudly; he can’t speak, can’t find the words to defend himself.

Dream doesn’t seem to have much of an idea what he’s done. He’s still giggling, that same light burning up in his eyes. “You could never do that,” he hisses, poisonous all of a sudden, and Sam steps back hastily when Dream strides forwards, the prisoner running off nothing but potions and euphoria that will leave him a wreck by the end of the night, “you wouldn’t dare hit someone who can do ten times as much damage to you and everything you love, right, Sam?”

“Dream-” Sam begins, voice dry, raspy, and Dream grins, displaying sharp teeth and bitter vengeance, “Dream...”

His voice gives out. What else is there to say?

“That’s what I thought,” Dream purrs, something like victory untangling its claws in his words, “you could have tried to break so many other things. But my will? What made you think you could ever fucking do that?”

He shoots a cold, contemptuous look around him, too-bright eyes landing on each and every person hovering back nervously. And that’s when Sam realises that Dream thinks all of them had known about his experience in prison, and his heart plummets.

“Don’t follow me,” Dream tells them, voice rougher than ever, “or I’ll start fighting back. Don’t make me take away lives.”

And it’s only because Sam hasn’t moved in so long that nobody follows, because they’re crowding Sam, demanding to know what Dream had been talking about with suspicious face and dread in their eyes. Only Puffy stands apart from the crowd, shoulder slumped in horrified understanding, but Sam doesn’t look at any of them.

His eyes are fixed on the retreating back of Dream, and the tremor in his left leg from a pickaxe would he’ll never be able to shake.

#> my asks !! #> my writing !! #-> post-prison dream #tw abuse #tw physical abuse #tw death #tw injury #tw torture #tw permanent injury #tw violence #tw mental instability #tw mental illness #c!sam critical #smp sam critical #warden sam critical

[unreasonablebehaviour]

Pls take this random assortment of dsmp “hcs” (which is actually just me rambling out my ass but we love to see it//)

—————

- Sam just like gets really fuccn energetic in a thunderstorm... like just hyperactive but also like v strong..... also immune to electrocution :)

- He’s also like all creepers are, shit terrified of cats which is v funny considering he’s sorta friends with ant

- Even funnier if u want to take the ‘canon’ fact of ant being a whole ass 20 feet tall

- Speaking of ant and this absolutely isn’t a hc but I just find it very funny that people draw humanoid versions of all of the non human characters EXCEPT for ant who I have only ever seen drawn as a cat ghgh

- Bads skin colour is deadass vantablack like if he holds his hand in front of his face it just seemingly vanishes and you can’t pick out where his hand ends and face begins

- I want him to look terrifying.... like absolutely massive a complete unit of a man, sharp ass teeth, sharp spikes and horns, sharp claws, white glowing eyes........... but he’s just like “owo” at all times ghgh

- Skeppy has chronic pain from the diamonds growing inside his body and out of his skin... sometimes he ramps up how cheerful he is to try and hide how much pain he’s in that day

- Ranboo’s body is longer on his enderman side and so he physically can’t stand up straight unless his shorter leg is on a slope

- He’s half silverfish... mainly cause I think that’s funny like hehe both those and endermen are linked to the end/stronghold and can break blocks

- This does also mean he joins bad and skeppy in the ‘help I am v spiky’ club tho

- Also also like absolutely none of his clothes fit cause his limbs are so disproportionately long so rip his ankles in the tundra I guess

- Shortza supremacy

- Sapnap... blaze boy..... I want him to steam when he angy...... v warm to the touch and all of the dteam lay on top of him when it’s cold lmao

- George is like some weird ass mushroom man.... like he looks completely human for the most part but he’s not he just never tells anyone cause he has the mentality of ‘well no one ever asked?’ Or ‘it didn’t seem important’

- When he’s in danger the surrounding plants try to help him (like lmao there’s a war goin on? Nah just take a nap and miss out so you won’t get hurt :) )

- Imagine how much funnier the lmanberg saga would be if schlatt just looked like his profile icon rather than his mc skin.... just cute tiny sheep man in a sweater... I think it’d be like that one gif of the teddy bear slamming its head onto the table to acquire angy eyebrows

- Dreams has symmetrical white patches down the front of skin... kinda like vitiligo but not? Like deadass pure white

- I also kinda just imagine him having creepy solid black eyes ghgh (haha it’s cause he’s possessed)

- He’s immortal and kinda just snapped tbh like half the reason his actions are so manipulative, selfish and drastic are both because he’s so desperate to have control over things in his life and because low-key he kinda hopes that people will find a way to kill him off or get rid of the thing possessing him (I just want a happy ending :( make him not evil pls my poor heart can’t take a non happy for everyone ending//)

- Puffy is fluffy :) I will not elaborate further

- Revived people have creepy blacked out maybe kinda glowing eyes.... paler skin.... scars and phantom pains from their injuries....

- Phil just deadass found Wilbur hiding inside a fridge and took him home with him... wil just assumed the fridge was his mom and Phil found it too funny to correct him

- Tubbo is a moobloom hybrid and all the bees love him ok 💛

- I think it would be funny if dream just deadass can’t see shit through his mask rap considering all the feats he has done

- Phil is v old and ‘wise’ but is also fairly detached from reality as a result cause he can’t really remember what earlier parts of his life were like to understand how other people act

- I also think it’d be hilarious if he ironically had like 0 life skills... cooking? He’s shit at it. Sleep schedule? Never heard of it. Taxes? Isn’t that a state?

- The floors in the tundra trios homes are constantly being ruined by techno having hooves and Phil and maybe ranboo having claws... like u no how u can like dent and scrape a wooden floor with heels? Kinda like that

- Speaking of those three I also think it’d be very funny if they all collectively became useless or started fighting in the presence of a gold block cause like 👀 ‘oo gold/hehe shiny/hold block’ mentality

- Quackity can shapeshift.... but he’s like a ditto and always has the :] face.... mmm also maybe keeps any scars he has

- His ability to control this decreases the more he dies

- So like u could he talking to him and just suddenly he looks like someone else or like a weird mishmash of people and just hasn’t noticed lmao totally not freaky at all

- Literally non of the tundra trio are equipped for the weather like u have someone from the hot af nether, bird man who’d realistically be prone to hypothermia and someone who’s allergic to water like lmao why do yall live here what is wrong with you

- I want niki to just be very exasperated by this fact

- I want her to bake goods for her friends... tailored to their tastes.... cheer up food :)

- Also i forget when she changed her skin but I think it’d be very funny if she dyed her hair pink as an intimidation factor to tommy cause she knows he dislikes techno

- Puffy ily but I do not trust you with Tommy after the disaster that was bbh and skeppys relationship counselling

- The concept of the totems being foolish’s children is very funny to me like just the implication that he just leaves his kids in random chests for people to steal and that when they witness someone die they just explode with revive energy or something like w h a t

- Ghostbur either isn’t actually Wilbur and is just some entity pretending to be him hence the ‘poor memory’ OR him and limbo Wilbur are two halves of one entity

- I just find it v sus that he’s the only ghost that’s ever shown up... and regularly at that

- mmm tubbo hard of hearing.... relies on reading lips the best he can when to help clarify what people are saying but he can hear people well enough if they raise their voice quite loud

- cursed hc but what if ash and Zachary were somehow michael decendants and they like porkums cause he’s either originally a family friend or he just reminds them of stuff

- Ok half of these aren’t even hcs anymore and is just me rambling but who let Karl be in charge of the time travel he has such strong himbo energy

- That being said villain Karl when 👀//

- Why is tubbo like one of the smartest most accomplished people on the sever... he’s like 17..... like my man has been president, developed a new form of fast travel, has a family, developed a nuclear weapons program by himself, launched a man into space, developed a whole town and more .... like who let him have this much power he can barely read//

- I think it’d be funny if techno was just really bad at strategy games..... like ok technically he’s not bad at them but like he just spends 4 days analysing every last minute detail every round to optimise his chances of winning//

- I feel like people don’t give Jack enough credit for the fact he cheated death using nothing but spite

#mcyt #dsmp #god do I dare tag everyone #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #jack manifold #nihachu #ranboo #tubbo #philza #jschlatt #dreamwastaken #sapnap #georgenotfound #badboyhalo #skeppy #captain puffy #technoblade #awesamdude #antfrost #quackity #karl jacobs #foolish gamers #I think that’s everyone I mentioned? #anyway these have absolutely 0 cohesion #no thoughts just random hcs and ideas #am I allowed to bully tubbo for being dyslexic if I too am dyslexic #dif kind of dyslexic but still #I mean it affectionately #/long post

[geffenrecords]

Hello i am here to say that what you wrote abt David doing things in threes means I love you, kind of destroyed me and I genuinely don’t know if I’ll ever be okay again. Do you have any other davenzi Thoughts cause I’d love to be destroyed some more and I miss them a lot. Have a good day!!

aaaaaa im glad u liked tht :'-))) i was so surpirsed a lot of ppl liked my davenzi like im rlly happy bc some of u guys r so nice??? if u rbed any of those asks and put something nice in the tags i am kissing u rn right on the mouth

but anyway yes send asks whenever i love talking abt these two sm pls ask whatever and whenever hehe <3

but anyway hmm yes......matt and dave......those bastards. today i will talk about.... [spins wheel] them having sleepovers :-)

so obvs they sleep at each others very often like.....they're so comfortable with each other and matteos p chill w laura and david gets along with matteos roommates so theyre over at each others so often......good for them......

but the first few times everyone was probably like "omg theyre gonna have sex......wtf........." cos yknow how highschool ppl are and hans was literally that meme where he would burst in and be like AHA YOU TWO ARE HAVING SEX!!!!!!! and matteos like draped across david getting his ass kicked at super smash bros while davids drawing and davids like "matteo wtf u should have told me id make sure u put away the switch" and matteo would just start laughing and hans is like i hate you guys.....[he does not]

i think laura would be cool abt matteo being over like. constantly. hes p funny and they get along and will talk about movies or whatever [matteo cant read rip] and shes like "stay up as late as u want idk just be fucking quiet" but unfortunately matteo and david r like 5 year olds together so that never happens but she forgives it cause they cute or whatever <3

but like literally.....they are so obnoxious. theyd probably like stay up till 5 in the morning watching dr phil or some shit [idk what's the german equivalent of tht or like any german shows so. feel free to suggest smthn else] but they stay up so late and laugh so loud.....like theyd do stupid shit like wrestle w each other and matteo would probably fall off the bed and their both crying laughing and lauras like What The Fuck Was That.... or theyll get stoned [most likely at matteos house] and lay on the floor together and hold hands and have hushed conversations n the only light in the room is probably matteos phone thats off to the side playing some shitty song he likes and then matteos like "u draw me all the time......im gonna draw you......bc.....i love you....." nd then he kisses davids face and david giggles and is like "babe ur drawings r shit but i love u too so i will let you try" and matteo does ad he sits there for so long with an intense look on his face and davids just laughing and he cant stop smiling and finally matteos like "hows THIS?" and it's just TERRIBLE but david loves it hes like oh you did so good.....and he kisses matteo and they kiss as a 15 minute ad plays bc matteo uses youtube to listen to music like a loser <3

another thing i think theyd do is dance in the kitchen....I KNOW I ALREADY SAID THEY WOULD DANCE ON THE PLAYGROUND but them dancing in the most unromantic places is so funny to me and it's so them.....theyve probably danced in that empty pool together........

but theyll dance together in davids kitchen and theyre trying so hard to be quiet but theyre just genuinely so happy and in love <3 annoying ass mfs play the music quietly and laura can hear muffled laughter all night but she never says anything bc davids never been so happy and thats all she wants for him and um. yeah theyre literally just so annoying and in love and idk how anyone stands them

#i hope this was good.. #i feel like it wasnt as good as the other 2 ones but !!!! its still them hehe #davenzi #but yeah dont hesitant to ask me abt them. love talking abt them #also sorry this took so long i was up till like 5 and slept in.....jdndjfnddj #druck #ask

[urmomification]

WOOO POG DREAM SMP AU

theres 1.8k words and 9,393 characters of a schlatt au below the cut LMAO

[i was rambling to my friend and this is what came out of it! send me an abt it if u have questions i would love to talk abt it more pls]

(slight body horror/gore tw!!)

slams fists on table rattling any dishes on the table au where schlatt doesnt die of a heartattack and tubbo locks him up to rot basically and his horns grow into his eyes effectively blinding him and chained his hands together and basically a leash on him to keep him from moving around in his cell so he cant do anything to break the horns off before they get too long and one day when technos breaking into lmanberg he gets chased into the prison and loses them in the halls before coming across schlatts cell and schlatts calling out like 'whos there i can hear ur foot steps whos there please someone whos there' etc yk and technos speechless they thought they executed him to keep him from causing any more problems in the country but this is this is just much worse than anything he even thought theyd do and hes standing in front of schlatts cell just looking at him as if hes imagining it he knew lmanberg was bad but holy fuck they just let this man rot in a cell to the point of his own horns blinding him and giving him no aid or way to ease the pain so he makes himself known and schlatt 'ive never been so happy to see, well, hear an anarchist in my life, its good to see- hear you technoblade' and chuckles and blood runs down his face like tears would, few drops landing on his clothes before techno starts trying to get into the cell to take him out of there he cant leave him here sure he was an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but he had standards and now that schlatt wasnt in power he had nothing against him really considering he isnt a citizen of lmanberg so he manages to pick the locks enough to get him out of there, schlatts arm slung over technos shoulder they stumble out of the prison building and as they slowly make their way to the nether portal to get back to technos base, they run into tubbo and quackity, schlatts old right hand men and they try to stop techno bc hes well an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but the glare techno gives them levels them and theyre left staring at each other for a moment when schlatt 'whyre we stopped whos there tech' and techno mumbles 'tubbo and quackity schlatt' and schlatt just furrows his brows as far as he can without sending excruciating pain into his eye sockets before he purses his lips and asks 'are they going to try and stop us?' techno looks back at the other two 'no they wont, isnt that right boys?' tubbo and quackity slink away allowing techno and schlatt to the portal and them going thru, schlatt still silent as he tries not to trip over technos cape or off the ledge of the bridge passing over the lava lakes, they make it to the portal and begin the walk across the arctic tundra to technos house, philza isnt there right now so its just the two of them and techno leads him up the ladder to his room (its not really a room i think its just a bed, a bell and an enchantment table) and sits him down on his bed mumbling something abt being right back and he is with some medical supplies and a change of clothes to clean everything up, they dont talk techno works in silence and when schlatt winces he mumbles a small apology before continuing eventually techno got schlatt as cleaned up as you can get someone w horns in their eyes and a sweater to keep him warm and finally starts asking questions 'how long had u been in there' 'lost count' 'did they bring you food' 'a chests worth at the beginning of the month' techno sighs 'i thought they executed you' 'tubbo chickened out despite me being 'an active threat to our peace in lmanberg' and locked me up a few days after u set the withers loose and dropped off a chest of food once a month and most of them refused to talk to me others couldnt even make eye contact with me, other than the few instances where they said things like 'heres ur food' or 'u deserve this' or 'i cant believe tubbo let u live' i talked to no one other than myself for however long i was in there' techno stands and walks around for a moment before flipping some pages and schlatt can hear him gasp quietly in mild surprise 'what is it tech' looking in the direction he heard techno from and techno says, turning to face schlatt on his bed 'schlatt that was almost 3 months ago' a single beat of silence rings for what feels like forever 'oh. i, i didnt think itd been that long. though it would explain my current predicament' loosely gesturing towards his face 'oh right abt that i have a few questions if ur ready to answer some' schlatt hums and techno grabs a pen and paper and sits next to him in case he needs to take any notes for future reference 'how fast do ur horns normally grow' 'idk just a steady amount my whole life pretty much' 'will they ever stop growing' 'they generally stop growing around 30 and continue to grow more in width than length' 'did anyone who brought u food notice' 'they grow quickly and by the time the person w the third chest came around they were getting close to my eyes but they didnt listen to me, no one did' he sighs looking down at would be his hands 'the odds of both of my horns growing into my eyes and blinding me like this are so low but of course it would happen to me' a chuckle void of any amusement 'because losing my country and my people and my power wasnt enough already' techno stands up 'you had that coming' schlatt actually laughs this time, short and curt 'ok fair, u were the one that took me down afterall' and from then on schlatt lives w techno and phil and eventually tommy and then without tommy (tommy was Not happy when he found out that schlatt was living with techno but he needed somewhere to stay too and techno happens to live in an arctic tundra where only a handful of people know how to get to so he didnt complain too much) and eventually techno saws off schlatts horns at the bend adn removes them from his eyes bc if they kept growing into his head theyd hit his brain and kill him on top of blinding  him and techno gags and almost throws up despite not being sensitive to gore  and gives schlatt a bandanna to cover the holes in his head for everyones sake and once they heal somewhat he can find something else out and thats how they live, schlatt helps with what he can like farming w phil but mostly spends his time learning braille or something so he can read and techno gets him books in braille so he isnt bored or alone like he was in the prison and he feeds him and takes care of him and schlatt is funny and entertaining despite being blinded by something from his own body and the torture it was like to rot in a cell alone for almost a 1/4 of a year and nights when techno gets home late and hes shaken and the voices are bad schlatt will sit behind him and play with his hair and talk abt his own day and rub technos back and in return when schlatt relapses and gets violent and angry techno will wash his hair and read him stories until he calms down and hopefully asleep and no one told him the news that wilbur died so when ghostbur shows up and starts talking to him he treats him the same as he would wilbur bc he cant see that hes a ghost all thats different is his speech pattern and overall personality and one day he says 'ur different wilbur what happened to that, i dunno spark u used to have' and wilbur simply 'im not sure if im being honest a lot abt me has changed since i died, or so im told i dont remember much from when i was alive' and schlatt just 0_0 and then hes scrambling down the ladder and stumbling around the house looking for techno, finding him in the basement working on something and when he gets there hes out of breath and his hands are shaking bc holy shit wilburs not only dead but a ghost and he was just talking to me and he doesnt remember what i did and and and and techno is shocked to see schlatt in the basement and asks whats up and schlatt just 'wilbur died wilbur fucking died tech why didnt anyone tell him and now hes a ghost hes a fucking ghost who lives in ur house and doesnt remember anything he doesnt remember that he blew up lmanberg does he he remembers my name but not anything that i did what hes a fucking ghost techno hes a ghost holy fuck' and technos just standing there like ??? no one no one told him 'yea philza had to kill him after he blew up lmanberg i thought u knew thats why i didnt say anything' oh. 'phil, phil had to kill him?' 'yea its a touchy subject, dont bring it up' and simply goes back to what he was working on so schlatt sits on the ground by the ladder and listens to him work his brain going a mile a minute trying to comprehend whats going on 'would i have become a ghost if theyd chosen to execute me?' 'its hard to say im unsure if theres specific circumstances that contribuite to someone becoming a ghost but theres really no telling' and goes back to working yet again and from then on they fall into an easy schedule of techno going out and doing whatever an anarchist terrorist w a murder record does on ur average wednesday and schlatt stays home reading and organizing whatever he can based on size and feeling and sleeping in windowsills and schlatt greeting techno comes home beaten up and full of new resources and a side of bruises and cuts so he tends to them, getting better at maneuvering and functioning without needing to see then techno making dinner and then curling up by the fire for the night enjoying each others company as they talk abt their days :]

#dream smp #jschlatt #technoblade #sorry abt the lack of paragraph breaks i wrote this on discord and just copy pasted it #sorry if things dont make sense too! i just started watching a few weeks ago :] #looks at schlatt and technoblade: i just think theyre neat #also this isnt intended to be a ship au or anything but u can interpret it as whatever #fic au idea

[thechampagnelovers]

camila did you really just say that shjahsjssj It’s so easy to make people fall in love with Niall tho, he’s just such a natural charmer 🤩 Nooo it’s the other way around! For me you are the big blog, you seem to have so many friends here too! Im definitely not big in any way but I have my fun here either way :) Also 🥺 you calling me cool and stuff - I’m so lucky to be your secret Santa 💛 Okay so let’s talk more deeply about Niall! How/when/why did you become a Niall girl? -Santa 🎅🏼

yes I did and I recommend it a lot but you didn’t hear it from me 🤭

Niall really is a natural charmer, he’s just so fresh and unique and so himself, he’s one of the few celebs out there who you can tell they’re genuine and true to themselves and that is so hot, in a world full of fake being real is the bravest thing you can do

djdhdjjd I don’t really care about being a “big blog” but 🥺🤍 yes I have friends I would like to think 🥺🥺🥺 and we have fun and I love them sm. and dear Santa you ARE cool, don’t doubt it 🤍 and I count you as one of my friends I hope u know

AHHHHH I love this, yes let’s do this

I was around 11/12 yo when 1d became popular here. Their video diaries and the rest of (at that time) British youtube squad (zoella, jacksgap, dan and phil, etc) were my main source to learn English, besides Harry Potter (and from here comes my obsession with the UK). I literally used to watch the vd like they were youtubers and that’s funny bc all the charm of them comes from the fact that they’re normal guys, you could see them interacting and making jokes and laughing and it was so captivating. From the first moment I saw Niall my 11 year old brain went “yes, that one is my boyfriend” skdjdj for several stupid reasons I believe: he was blonde (back when I was a kid I had a preference for blondes but now I like brunettes more lol 🤪), he played guitar, he was funny but also a little shy, he was alllllllwaaaays laughing, we both had braces and in my teen mind that meant we were soulmates or something, he was going for the jb look at first (not many people knows this but I was a diehard jb fan when I was a kid, now I just hate who he become sjjdjddjnd but believe still slaps anyways). I can’t pinpoint an exact moment i said “I’m gonna be a Niall girl” tbh, back in the day people were cruel (people still are cruel lol) and many used to look down on Niall and I took it personal ajhsjsjd it became my duty to protect him from the mean 13 yo girls from my school.

What I like the most is that we both grew up, and he went from a boy I really liked to a man I really liked. In essence niall is still the same normal guy, he still laughs and makes jokes, he still plays guitar all the time (I miss his lives, it was just him staring into the wall and playing any random music 😔), he is still funny and a little shy but he gained confidence, he learned to trust himself and to love himself more which is the same journey I went through (it’s something you really never stop learning but yeah). He is still him but now he’s unapologetic about it, he doesn’t have to give explanations, whoever likes it good and the rest can just go somewhere else. I kinda hate myself for saying this but the hiatus did this, he needed to leave the band (although they are his friends and they love each other so much, they easily upstaged him) to see how much power he had in his own hands, to understand that people were there for him. I still remember all the flicker boom and how insane everything felt, his surprise in his face!!! He couldn’t hide it. I remember the Buenos Aires flicker show and I get so excited because it was one of the best shows I’ve seen, if you can handle Argentina you can handle any show in the world.

I really like Niall, besides all the het jokes I make, because you can see how he matured and we matured together in a way. I grew up and I still like him because he also changed as well, he also grew up and became a better version of himself, someone more confident, more happy, less embarrassed of being who they are. And that’s just extremely relatable for me. I always say I relate to Louis bc we come from very similar families and we both have the big sibling rol, but overall him and I are different in personality. If there’s anyone who I feel more close to, it’s Niall. So yeah I guess this is my how/when/why djddjjd but I want to know yours😱 pls

#Santa #nh #ask #personal #also sorry nony it took me so long to reply I fell asleep last night skjdjd

[phantasticworks]

Don’t Ask Me How I’ve Been (Fake Happy)

Based on the short film "Papercut" by Omad Productions (Somewhat, I got carried away)

read on ao3

Words: 13.7k

Description: Dan Howell is an up and coming actor in a closeted relationship with a man who isn't ready to admit his sexuality. Phil is their Uber driver for a very important awards show. Things don't go exactly to plan, but maybe that's a good thing?

Warnings: swearing, scenes with emotional abuse (not dnp), some angst, horrible smut scene there at the end that I will apologize for now (pls skip if it makes you uncomfy to read)

“Yeah, we’re on our way. No, I’ve just picked Dan up. He’s-“ A heavy pause fills the air around them, and the brunette nearly rolls his eyes. It’s no use, really, because in the darkness of this car, his backseat partner wouldn’t be able to tell anyway. “He’s here.”

If they weren’t currently accompanied by a friendly-looking Uber driver, Dan might’ve made a bitchy remark. Of course, that would’ve resulted in some sort of argument or lecture and wouldn’t actually be worth it, but he still just barely bites his tongue to keep the words from spilling out.

“Right. Yeah, we’ll see you in, eh, about twenty minutes, I’d say. Right. Yeah. Okay, see you.” There’s an audible click signaling the end of the call, and Dan shifts to cast his gaze on his not-boyfriend-but-mate-that-he-sleeps-with-and-practically-shares-a-flat-with.

“Who’s the booty call?” He asks with a smirk, his voice not quiet enough not to be noticed by their driver.

Cool grey-blue eyes meet his, an unimpressed frown etched onto the man’s face. “That’s not funny, Daniel.” It’s said with an overwhelming amount of disapproval, and Dan can feel it pressing down on him.

With a sigh, he tosses his head back against the headrest and drops his hand onto the seat between them, a small part of him hoping that they might hold hands on the way to the ceremony. He knows it’s a foolish dream, but he can’t help but hold onto some sort of hope.

“Sorry, am I meant to pretend I don’t know that we’re picking up someone to be your “date” for the evening?” Dan mutters, absently tapping his fingers against the leather. It was a surprisingly nice car for an Uber, and the driver had been pleasant enough, quiet and friendly. Even teetering on the edge of what might be a big break in their professional careers, they still couldn’t afford an exuberant ride for the awards show tonight. Not that Dan cared about such materialistic things, anyway.

A huff sounds from beside him, but Dan doesn’t grant him with so much as a glance. “I don’t know why you have to be a prick, Daniel. I really don’t. I’ve already told you, things will be different now.” The words are muttered quickly and quietly, and Dan can tell this is likely some sort of signal for him to keep his mouth shut.

He ignores it in favor of laughing, loudly.

“Right. Different. How different are we talking, Ben? Am I going to start topping?” He taunts, bitterness lacing his words.

He’s not totally surprised when the hit comes, but that doesn’t make it hurt less. He winces, bringing a hand up to rub at his now-sore arm. “Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” Ben hisses, his eyes wide and panicked.

They both glance to their driver, and Dan catches the blue eyes in the reviewer mirror, a look of concern etched onto the man’s face as he studies Dan.

“Everything alright back there?” He asks, cautiously.

Dan shifts and tosses an arm over Ben’s shoulders and sends the driver a brilliant smile. “Oh yeah, everything’s just fine. Just a tiff, you know how it is.”

The driver glances back to the road, but sends a disbelieving look back towards the mirror before nodding.

Ben waits until the driver has refocused on the road before elbowing Dan sharply in the ribs. “Get the fuck off me.” He doesn’t even look at Dan after he’s retracted his arm, staring out the window with what Dan can only assume is a glare, as if the rain itself has offended him. It wouldn’t be a surprise, honestly. These days it really didn’t take much.

“Ouch,” Dan says, a bit belatedly. He rubs pointedly at his ribs where he’d been struck, wondering if the bruise would blossom the same as the others have.

“Oh, come off it. I didn’t hurt you.” The words are wrapped in ice, detached.

Dan stays quiet then, unwilling to open that particular can of worms with the audience they had. After a few kilometers go by in a silence that feels far heavier than it should on a night like tonight, Dan glances over at Ben, a thought bouncing around his head, struggling to escape. “Who was she?” He asks softly, dropping his gaze to stare at his hands, which he’s laced on his lap.

There’s a pause, and Dan doesn’t think that Ben will grant him with any response at all, but eventually an exasperated sigh falls from his lips. “Do you really want to know?” He asks, his tone softer than it had been so far. It was almost apologetic. Almost.

After a moment of consideration, Dan shrugs. “Can’t make that much of a difference, can it?”

Ben finally shifts just enough to look at Dan properly, but the brunette refuses to lift his gaze.

“It was Sophia,” he whispers, almost as if he’d rather it stayed a secret. As if he’d rather not hurt Dan, as if he’d rather lie and pretend that he hadn’t been planning this all along.

“Huh.” Dan clicks his tongue, processing this.

Sophia was a nice enough girl, he supposed. She certainly hadn’t done anything directly to him to warrant the kind of comment he was about to make.

“I guess you’ll have two holes to fuck now. Oh, three, if she likes to suck dick, I suppose. Probably won’t be nearly as practiced as me, remember last night when I-“ before he can even finish his remark, a hand is swiftly coming up to cover his mouth, holding it shut with more force than was necessary.

Dan tells his body not to panic, even when he feels Ben’s hand shift just enough to press right under his nostrils, cutting off any and all air supply. It was a scare tactic, and one he’d dealt with a hundred times before. He clenches his fist and forces himself to breathe slowly, keeping himself from running out of oxygen before Ben drops the little act.

“If you don’t keep your fucking mouth shut, I’ll fucking find a way to shut it.” Cold blue eyes stare into Dan’s, the anger bubbling up there making Dan almost nauseous.

Dan waits, counting to himself in his head. 8... 11... 15... 23... and finally, Ben’s hand shoves against his mouth one last time before pulling away altogether, an irritated huff falling from his lips.

After allowing himself a moment to catch his breath, Dan straightens out his suit coat and shoots their driver a cautious look, hoping that he hadn’t seen what had just occurred. He’s relieved to find the driver not looking at them through the rear view mirror, but his eyes drift to his hands, wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, the bones in his hands sticking out prominently against his alabaster skin.

Shit.

A nervousness floods his stomach, and he can’t help but feel almost embarrassed; by his own actions or Ben’s, he isn’t sure. Either way, he glances over at Ben, hoping he didn’t realize that their driver had probably caught on. If he did, he’d likely demand he pull over and call someone else; not out of any concern that the driver might comment on the rather physical aspect of their relationship, but likely out of fear that the driver might recognize them and sell the story of a domestic dispute in the backseat of his car.

Luckily, Ben appears to be oblivious, so Dan forces himself to relax. Suddenly feeling awkward with silence and not wanting another fight with Ben, Dan turns to their driver.

“Excuse me, what did you say your name was, sir? It’s completely slipped my mind since we got in.” He smiles at the driver when he glances into his rearview mirror to look at Dan, surprise on his features.

“Phil,” He says easily, a small smile gracing his lips. He glances back over his shoulder at Dan this time. “And you are?”

Dan opens his mouth to speak, but before he can even get a word out, Ben shifts over and narrows his eyes at Dan, his gaze flicking to the driver. “He’s Daniel, and I’m Benjamin.” He shoots Dan a warning look, as if that’s quite enough idle chit-chat, but Dan pretends he doesn’t notice.

“Dan, actually. But you can call me whatever you prefer.” He doesn’t know why it comes out in a flirting sort of way, but before he has anytime to be mildly embarrassed, the driver, well- Phil, smirks.

“Will I be calling you?” He asks smoothly.

Dan can’t help but laugh at the subtle response to his own unintentional flirting, and he flashes Phil his most charming smile, dimples and all. “I’m sure that could be arranged.”

Phil glances back at him in the mirror, and Dan decides to be so bold as to wink, forgetting the grumpy man who’s currently pouting beside him.

That is until said grumpy man whips his head around to glare at Dan. “Stop it,” he hisses, his jaw clenching.

Dan quirks an unbothered eyebrow at him. “Now why the hell should I do a thing like that?”

Without breaking eye contact, Ben tilts his head so his voice carries over the chair in front of him. “Sorry, mate, but we’re professionals in our field. We don’t date chauffeurs.” There’s a glint of challenge in his eyes, as if daring Dan to contradict him.

Flushing from the absurdly selfish and egotistical part of Ben’s statement, Dan shifts to break the eye contact. Looking back to Phil, he gives him a reassuring shake of his head. “That’s bullshit, mate. This one over here thinks that being nominated for an award makes you hot shit, but he’s wrong.”

He can practically feel Ben seething next to him, but he knows that he’s off the hook this time, because not only do they have an audience, but they have an engaged one, and Dan’s decided he’d like to keep it that way.

Phil laughs at his reassurance, shrugging. “I dunno, maybe I could be more easily wooed by someone with an award,” he sends a cheeky smirk to Dan via the reflection in the mirror, and Dan’s grin widens. Ben huffs and pouts next to him, but he ignores it.

“In that case, I actually hope I win this thing,” Dan flirts back. With a start, it occurs to him it’s the first time he’s actually cared if he wins or not.

“So what kind of award are you nominated for?” Phil asks curiously, his hand coming up to drag through his quiff.

It occurs to Dan then that this man seems to have no idea of who they are and what they do for a living. It’s refreshing, and in a way he can’t describe... liberating. To openly converse with someone who has virtually no clue who you are feels better than he could’ve imagined.

It’s not like he was particularly famous- he’d been in four films now, with only one major role between them, and had played various side characters on a handful of tv shows. Really not all that impressive, but it seemed that lately he was only surrounded by people who knew who he was. It was a nice change to finally be among someone who doesn’t, and still, curiously, seems interested in talking to him.

“We’ve both been nominated for Best Supporting Male Lead,” Ben contributes from his pouting position to Dan’s right.

Dan’s teeth grind together, annoyance coursing through his veins as he shoots the blonde a glare. It wasn’t fair for him to sit here treating Dan like shit, and yet forcing himself into their conversation like some sort of interpreter. Dan didn’t need an interpreter, despite what their management thought. Sure he had a tendency to be a little brash and downright rude sometimes, but generally that was only when he was dealing with pricks. Now wasn’t one of those times though, so Ben could honestly fuck off.

“Oh. So you’re both, like, proper actors?” Phil asks, his eyebrows shooting up on his forehead.

Dan nods, although a prickle of something uncomfortable is starting to form in his chest. He really didn’t want their conversation to go down that route, but now that they’d let it out in the open, he figured that’s the only way it could go. Rather than continue on and have the conversation dominated by his stupid career, Dan goes quiet, turning to look out the window.

“That’s interesting,” Phil comments from the driver’s seat. Dan only offers a hum in response, and then the car falls silent once again.

The silence gives Dan the time and space to revisit his and Ben’s short conversation about Sophia from earlier. The satisfaction of hearing him admit that it was exactly who Dan had thought didn’t lessen the pain he felt now that he realized what that meant. For one thing, it meant that he hadn’t had the exclusivity he’d been promised. Well- not that he’d really expected that to last anyway; Ben was fickle with his promises.

And secondly, it meant that tonight, when they were standing on the red carpet posing for photos, there’d be a hundred photographers screaming for Ben and Sophia to kiss or get closer or anything of the sort, without any knowledge of the heartbroken man just a few feet away, always in the shadow of Ben’s latest conquest.

Except this time, it would be real.

After the show, when Dan was headed back to his flat alone, Ben would be on his way to his own, seldom-used flat, with Sophia. Or maybe he’d just go to hers, instead. Dan’s stomach churns uncomfortably at the thought of what they’d spend the night doing, and a dull pain throbs in his heart remembering that only the night before, they’d been sharing that very same thing.

“How long?” He asks into the dark, a question that could really be answered by either member of his company, although the answer he wanted would likely not be the one he received.

“About five more minutes, if traffic allows,” Phil responds cheerfully.

Dan glances over at Ben, waiting to see if he’d catch the undertone in his voice and realize that’s not what he’d meant. The blonde is staring out the window, his arm propped up on the side and his chin resting on his fist. He looked like a model like that, and Dan hates him for looking so subtly beautiful in such a normal setting.

“Ben,” He says softly, shifting slightly closer.

“What?” Ben asks, sounding tired.

Dan swallows hard, forcing the words out before he can lose his nerve. “How long have you been seeing her?”

It feels like a silence settles over the car, thick and stifling. Dan almost fears breathing, as if even the most subtle noise will burst this bubble of tranquility, this moment of calm before the inevitable storm. He forces himself not to panic before Ben has even spoken, but when those cold blue eyes flick over to meet his gaze, he already knows the answer.

“A while.”

A deep breath. Then, “I asked, how long? I need a number.”

Ben sighs deeply, rolling his eyes. “You’re being foolish, Daniel. Why does it matter? You and I aren’t-“ he spares a glance at the driver and lowers his voice. “You and I were never dating. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

Dan can feel his breathing quicken, but it feels like the faster it gets the harder it is to feel the oxygen expanding in his lungs. He knows he’s about to have a panic attack, and his fists clench tightly, his fingernails digging into his palms. “That’s not fair.” He shakes his head adamantly. “You can’t just erase the past two years of our life, Ben.” His voice sounds as panicked as he feels, and he’s having a hard time controlling the volume.

Ben glances towards the driver, a nervous look in his eyes. “I can try,” He says lowly, his gaze unwavering when he faces Dan.

“Why?” He breathes. He can feel his throat fluttering and he knows he’s close to tears. He’s too emotionally charged about this to control the way his body is functioning, and he hates it. “Why bother with any of this? We could- We can tell people, Ben. No one... no one would care.” He speaks softly, his gaze dropping to his hands so he doesn’t have to say the words directly to Ben’s face.

Ben lets out a harsh, humorless laugh, and Dan regrets ever saying it. “You’re pathetic, you know that?” He taunts. The words make Dan flinch.

“I’m not,” He whispers, finally allowing the tears to fall. He hopes with every fiber of his being that Phil isn’t listening, isn’t noticing the state he’s in right now.

“You are,” Ben confirms. “You’re still chasing after this stupid fucking fantasy, after all this time. I’m straight now, Dan. You’ve gotta just give up this stupid faggot shit. It’s sad, honestly.”

Dan’s head whips up at this, his eyes narrowing as he meets Ben’s unbothered gaze. “Really? This faggot shit? You do realize that your dick was literally in my ass last night, right? It takes one to fucking know one, mate.”

Ben clenches his jaw tightly, his face comforting into a glare. “Not another fucking word about that, got it? I’m not a fag, so you can just keep that shit to yourself.”

Dan stares, disbelievingly, at the man beside him. “Are you... are you even fucking listening to yourself? To me?”

“I’m trying my best not to, your whiny fucking voice is really grating my nerves,” Ben retorts, his gaze returning to the window.

They were currently driving through the neighborhood where Sophia lives, and Dan knew he only had a few more minutes left to clear his head before the evening really begun. He sorts through all the shit swirling in his mind, all the arguments he wants to make, and he settles on the one that feels the most pressing for now.

“We should go in separate cars,” he mutters, glaring out his own window.

“Pardon?” Ben says, his voice holding an air of offense.

Dan rolls his eyes before speaking again, raising his voice. “I think we should go in separate cars. You and Sophia should go in one separately from me.”

Ben seems to take a moment to consider this before speaking again. “Is this your way of pouting? It’s immature, if it is.”

With a huff, Dan turns to face him. “No, you twat. This is my way of being smart. People already think we’re together-“

“Because of your fucking comments,” Ben reminds him.

Dan talks over this. “-So if we show up in the same car, it’s going to look weird, even if Sophia is with us.”

After a prolonged moment of silence, Ben lets out a quiet hum. “Okay. Sure. In that case, I’ll call a different car, you can just take this one.”

If Dan had it in him to care, he’d be annoyed, because he knew the fare would be higher for him, considering a car going from Sophia’s to the awards show would have a shorter distance to travel. Instead, he just nods. His mind is already piecing together a plan for tonight that involves skipping the ceremony altogether, but Ben doesn’t need to know that.

“Alright, here we are, then. Should I wait?” Phil is probably only pretending he hadn’t overheard their change in plans, and Dan appreciates the subtle attempt at privacy.

“No need. My date and I will have another car come fetch us.” Ben moves to open the door, and then glances back at Dan. “Don’t fuck around and be late, okay? And when you get there, go see Annette for a briefing about who we need to speak to and where we’ll be sitting.”

Dan nods obediently, acting as if he plans to do just that. “Sure.” Ben studies him for a moment, rolling his eyes as he moves to step out. Dan watches him go, and just as he steps out, a thought occurs to him. “Ben?”

The blonde leans down to make eye contact with him. “What now?” He groans, clearly annoyed that Dan’s bothering him yet again. Dan hopes this is the last time.

“I want my key back.”

Ben has a look of confusion on his face before the meaning of his words seems to dawn on him. “I still have things at your flat,” he reminds him cautiously.

Dan shrugs. “I’ll drop them off at the office.” He holds his hand out patiently, waiting for the key to be given back. “Sometime today would be nice,” he drawls.

Ben’s gaze flickers to the driver, who seems to be zoned out, waiting patiently for Ben to leave already. “Fine,” he mutters, digging into his pocket and pulling out the silver key that belongs to Dan. He tosses it into the car, disregarding the hand that Dan had held out for it. “There.”

“Thanks.” Dan plucks the key from where it has fallen on the seat and twirls it around in his hand for a moment before shoving it into his pocket. “Might wanna hurry along, now. Don’t want to be late for our first big awards show, now,” Dan says mockingly.

The blonde barely gives him a reaction, just rolls his eyes and slams the door shut, leaving Dan alone in the Uber.

Dan sighs deeply, leaning his head back against the seat and allowing his eyes to close. The returned key sets heavy in his pocket, and for some reason he feels like he’s coming to the end of something. He’s not sure that it’s a feeling he’s entirely opposed to, but it’s one he hasn’t felt in so long that it’s practically foreign.

His swarming thoughts are interrupted by a throat clearing. “Alright?” Phil asks softly, his eyes holding a warmth to them.

Dan smiles at him and nods. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you for asking.”

Phil bites his lip and nods slowly. “I’m sorry for coming across so... bold, earlier,” he apologizes, his cheeks flushing slightly with the admittance. “I kind of, well... I kind of thought maybe you needed someone to be a buffer, but I do apologize for seeming so forward and pushy.”

The surprise on Dan’s face probably doesn’t go unnoticed, and it takes him a minute to gather his thoughts enough to properly respond. “Oh, um, it’s fine, really. I... yeah, I probably needed that, so... thanks.”

Phil nods, and slowly pulls away from the curb, moving down the road at a leisurely pace. “I assume we’re off to the O2?” He asks politely.

Dan raises an eyebrow, feeling a little more than confused. “I don’t believe we actually got around to telling you where the awards show was,” he says cautiously, trying his best not to sound rude.

Mischievous blue eyes meet his in the rearview mirror. “C’mon, mate. Did you really think I didn’t recognize you when you got in my car?”

A brief feeling of unbridled panic rips through Dan’s chest, a result of his countless media training sessions that taught him to keep his private life completely separate, especially his sexuality. He stomps that feeling down, hard. There was nothing to be ashamed of, and he’d spent years learning to be proud of himself for who he was. He wasn’t about to let that be taken away from him all because a nice Uber driver had seen an insight to his domestic life.

“Well, I guess I’d hoped you didn’t,” Dan finally says. He sighs and then glances out the window. “But, to answer your question... I think it’s back to my flat for me.”

There’s a moment of silence before Phil speaks again, timidly. “Are you sure, Dan?”

Hearing his name fall from this stranger’s lips twists something in Dan’s gut, and he isn’t sure if it’s the newness or the comfort of knowing that this stranger had seen a part of his life he hadn’t meant to share, and still seemed to have no problem speaking to him.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I think I’ve had enough excitement for one night.”

His PR agent would be absolutely pissed, and he knew he’d have a hundred missed calls from his manager by the morning, but he really didn’t care. He’d had a rather shit evening so far, and he really just wanted to go home. Part of him almost wished he could go on Grindr and let out some of the pent up emotion, but the more intelligent part of his brain reminds him that it probably wouldn’t be a great idea.

“Are you sure about that?” Comes the quiet response of his driver.

It takes Dan a second to rememberer his earlier words, and when he does, a flush crawls up his cheeks. He wasn’t positive it was flirting, but part of him, the lonely, horny, just-got-my-heart-broken part, was absolutely going to take it that way.

“I suppose that would depend on who’s asking,” he says slyly, sending Phil a smirk in the mirror.

The bright blue eyes twinkle with excitement, and Dan can’t help but find it endearing. “How about your neighborhood friendly Uber driver?” Phil jokes. “What if he asked?”

Dan gums as if he’s considering it. He’s undeniably interested now that the option is there, and to say he wasn’t would be a lie. He realizes then that they’ve turned around at some point, headed back the way they came. “I reckon if he was fit I could be swayed a certain way.”

“Yeah?” Phil responds with a laugh, his tongue poking out between his teeth in a way that’s just too endearing.

“Yeah,” Dan agrees, smiling. “Come back to mine?” He asks after a moment of quiet contemplation. If he was rejected it really wouldn’t be the worst part of his day, and if he wasn’t- then, hey, at least he’d get laid, and by someone attractive, no less.

Phil smiles back at him through the mirror. “Well, if you insist.”

 ~

The rest of the ride goes by quickly and considering Phil had just made the same trip from Dan’s flat, he has very little problem making the trip in the reverse order. Having sat in the backseat stressing for the past hour or so, Dan finds himself absolutely vibrating with nerves by the time they pull up to his building. His palms are sweating with the nerves he feels, and he can’t tell if he’s just excited or if he’s just genuinely nervous. It had been a very long time since he’d slept with someone that wasn’t Ben; well over a year, probably closer to two. He barely knew Phil, and he felt what he was doing was stupidly reckless, but that didn’t stop him from grinning when Phil killed the engine and looked back at him.

“Here we are,” He says slowly, his eyes studying Dan’s face in the darkness of the car. A single lamppost close to the doors of his building allows a little light to flood into the car, and it’s just enough for Dan to see the nervousness he feels reflected in Phil’s eyes.

“Yep,” Dan says quietly. He nods to the building. “You coming?”

Phil tilts his head and studies Dan for a moment, and his gaze makes Dan squirm nervously. “Lead the way,” he says with a smile.

Dan hides his grin as he steps out of the car, shivering slightly against the chill of the wind. He digs his keys out of his pocket as he steps around the car, waiting for Phil to do the same.

Dan stares unabashedly as Phil climbs out and shuts the door behind him. He’s tall, probably as tall as Dan, and without the barrier of the car seats between them, Dan has a better look at what he’s wearing. Black jeans cling to long legs, and under a stone washed denim jacket, he’s got a black T-shirt. Dan doesn’t even bother pretending he isn’t staring, and from the smirk he catches on Phil’s lips when he meets his gaze, the man isn’t even bothered by it. He looks good, and he obviously knows it.

“Uh, this way,” Dan says dumbly, cringing inwardly as he waves Phil over to follow him. Phil does so dutifully, his hands going into his pockets as he trails after him.

After fumbling with his keys for a moment, Dan finally manages to get the door unlocked and he shoves it open without ceremony. He hesitates, wondering if maybe he should let Phil in first, but that seemed weird; Phil didn’t know the layout of his apartment, he’d just be left to stand awkwardly in the foyer.

This in mind, Dan leads the way inside. “Just close the door behind you,” he calls over his shoulder.

“Want me to lock it?” Phil asks.

Dan shrugs out of his jacket and tosses it onto the rack near the door, considering. “I mean, if you’re sure I’m not going to peel your skin off and wear it like a coat, then yes. But if going into a random stranger’s house isn’t something you do often, you can leave it unlocked.”

Phil quirks an eyebrow at this, and Dan nearly swears. He really hadn’t meant to be so weird, it just sort of happened. Ben always said he didn’t have a filter, and well, maybe he was right about that.

Instead of being disturbed, though, Phil only smirks before flicking the switch and locking the door. Dan swallows hard, meeting the other man’s gaze across the few feet that separated them. He hadn’t even considered how he’d start this- it wasn’t everyday he brought someone home to screw. He hadn’t the faintest idea about how to proceed from here.

“Erm.... I don’t... I mean, obviously, Ben- well I mean, maybe not obviously, but, I don’t-“ he’s rambling, twisting his hands together awkwardly as he struggles to explain that he’s really not the type to do this sort of thing.

“Relax, Dan.” Phil’s voice is soothing, with no judgement in it. “Tea?” He asks, gesturing for Dan to lead them out of the foyer.

Nodding quickly, Dan turns and makes his way into the kitchen, the sound of Phil’s footsteps trailing behind him.

“Um, I’m more of an herbal tea person... is peppermint okay?” He shifts awkwardly in his kitchen, feeling ridiculous. He was usually so well put together. He was Dan Howell, for fuck’s sake! He did films, and interviews, and press releases! He could handle some awkward chit-chat with a hookup.

There was just something different about Phil, something almost unnerving about the way he looked at Dan. Especially when he smiled at him and nodded, his tongue doing that cute thing from before. “Peppermint sounds great.” He moves to sit on one of the barstools situated at the island in the center of his kitchen, and Dan just stares at him for a moment, a little entranced by how at home he seemed in his little flat, after only five minutes.

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Dan quickly moves to begin preparing the tea. “I have some mugs in that cupboard,” he gestures off to the side. “You can look through and find one, if you’d like.”

“Sure,” Phil chirps before sliding off the chair. Dan can feel his presence pass behind him as he moves to the cupboard. The sound of the mugs moving against the shelf is interrupted by a quiet gasp. “I have one just like this!” Phil says gleefully.

Dan glances over after hearing the words, his heart dropping when he sees Phil holding out a Mario Kart mug. Ben had gotten him that as a joke a long time ago, claiming it was a symbol for Dan being such a nerd, and he’d honestly forgotten about it. That is until now, at least. He wasn’t about to try and tell Phil he couldn’t use it though, so he only smiled and nodded, trying to keep his hands steady as he waited for the kettle to boil.

Ben was right about one thing. They were never official. Although Dan had pledged his loyalty and had stayed exclusive to Ben, the blonde had not done the same. And Dan knew that at the time, and he knew it now. It didn’t make his earlier goodbye any less painful, though.

“I think I prefer this one, though,” Phil’s still speaking, and Dan has to force himself to pay attention instead of dwelling on his stupid ex… whatever he was.

Dan nearly chokes when he sees the mug Phil’s holding now, a mischievous look in his blue eyes. He had been given the “Daddy” mug as a joke, but he’d kept it because it was big and held quite a lot of liquid. Right now, though, there was nothing more embarrassing that Phil could have pulled out of the cupboard.

“It was a joke!” He nearly screeches, hoping that Phil doesn’t think he’s some kind of weirdo now.

Phil hums, disbelief clear in the sound. “Sure, Dan.” He places the mug on the counter before turning around and searching through the cupboard again.

“Er- are you going to use this one?” Dan asks in confusion, holding a tea bag over the mug uncertainly.

With a glance over his shoulder, Phil nods. “Yeah, I’m just finding you one.”

Dan’s a little surprised at this, but he tries to hide it. “Oh. Okay.”

He drops one tea bag into the mug Phil had selected, and then waits patiently with the other tea bag, watching Phil’s face contort with concentration as he gently lifts the mugs, one at a time, carefully looking at their logos before putting them down. Eventually, he finds something that piques his interest, and he pulls it out with a grin. “Here’s yours,” he says proudly, handing Dan the white mug with a black pixelated heart on it, their fingers brushing as Dan takes it.

Glancing at it, Dan quirks an eyebrow up. “Thanks? Is this your way of saying you think I have a black heart?”

Phil’s face drops into an unimpressed look, and he crosses his arms. “No, it’s my way of suggesting that I like Undertale, too. And maybe hearts are just cool, okay?” If Dan’s not mistaken, a tinge of pink is blossoming on Phil’s cheekbones, but before he gets a good look, the electric kettle beeps and he has to turn around to finish the tea.

“So,” he starts. “Undertale?” To his surprise, Phil laughs. “What?” Dan asks, incredulous.

“You’re cute,” Phil says simply, taking the mug that Dan holds out to him.

Dan can feel heat flooding his cheeks, and he hopes and prays that Phil doesn’t notice the shift in his complexion. “Erm- thanks?” It sounds like a question.

“You’re welcome,” Phil smiles over the rim of his mug, blowing air gently to cool the tea down faster.

Dan fixates on his lips, not even processing that he’s staring until Phil speaks again. “Hm?”

Phil smirks. “I said, did you want to go sit down? Or do you usually chill in the kitchen with your conquests?”

The reminder of what he’s here for is like a slap in the face, and Dan quickly nods, although he can feel the nerves creeping back in. “Yeah, lounge is this way,” he leads the way out of the room, flicking the light on as he walks in.

“Nice place, by the way,” Phil compliments as he goes to sit on the sofa.

Dan shrugs as he sits beside him, leaving about a foot of space, but turning so that he’s properly facing Phil. “It’s not much, but I’d rather save my money than shell out an arm and a leg for a proper London flat.” He follows this with a sip of his tea, burning his tongue a little in his attempt at a distraction.

Phil studies him for a moment, a very calculating look on his face. “You’re unhappy,” he says finally. He sounds so sure of it, so positive, that it takes Dan aback.

“Sorry, what?” Dan splutters, trying to laugh. It sounds more like a cough.

Phil places his drink on the coffee table and moves to mirror Dan’s stance, so that they’re both facing each other, knees pressing into the back of the sofa. “You just… I dunno, Dan, but you don’t seem happy.” He sounds worried, as if this is something he’s really concerned with. Dan figures that it’s likely just because Phil knew he was an actor; he had no reason to care about Dan as a person.

“Well, that’s one way of flirting, I guess,” Dan jokes awkwardly.

“I’m sorry,” Phil says quietly, glancing down. “That was rude of me. But… Can I ask you a personal question?”

Dan lets out a deep breath before moving to set his own drink down, leaning against the back of the sofa with his arm propped up. This seemed like a conversation he needed his hands empty for, even if it was a conversation he wasn’t particularly keen on having. “Sure. Go for it.”

Phil licks his lips, completely distracting Dan from whatever it is they were trying to talk about. “Did you invite me here as a rebound? It’s fine if you did, but I want you to be honest with me, before anything else happens.”

Dan’s mouth drops. He hadn’t been expecting the question so bluntly, or really at all, if he’s honest. It takes him a moment of fumbling around in his own head before he’s able to form a proper answer. “Um… well, I suppose, in a way, but-“

Before he can finish, Phil cuts him off. “Okay. That’s all I needed to know.”

As he’s trying to wrap his head around the answer he’d given and Phil’s response to it, Dan’s thrown off yet again by Phil shifting closer. Dan swallows hard. He knows what’s about to happen, and he knows he wants it, but he’s undeniably nervous. After having sex with only one person for so long, he had no idea how to get back into the world of learning a person for the first time, especially physically.

“Is this okay?” Phil whispers, his hand coming up to rest at the nape of Dan’s neck.

Swallowing hard, Dan nods. “Yes,” he breathes.

Apparently, that’s all the encouragement Phil needs, because then he’s leaning forward, pressing their lips together. He’s gentle at first, not timid exactly, but cautious. The hand not pulling Dan in moves to rest on Dan’s waist, and Dan finds himself dropping his arms across Phil’s shoulders, his hands dropping to play in his hair. Dan hums into the kiss, and Phil responds by pulling away. “Good?” He asks, his lips barely an inch from Dan’s.

Dan nods, his eyes drifting shut as he leans forward again. Phil laughs softly before bringing their lips together again. This time, Dan has some sort of confidence boost, parting his lips a little, swiping his tongue across Phil’s bottom lip. Phil’s hand on his waist squeezes, and then Phil’s opening his mouth up to him, allowing Dan’s tongue to dart inside. He tastes like the peppermint tea, and something else, something sweeter. Dan wants to ask if he’s been eating sweets or if he just naturally tastes like sugar, but his mouth is otherwise occupied.

An unmeasurable amount of time passes before Dan pulls away for some air. Phil breathes hard against his lips for a moment before suddenly Dan feels himself being tugged. “Come here,” Phil whispers softly, sitting back and dropping a hand to Dan’s leg to drag him onto his lap. When Dan is situated with a leg on either side of Phil’s, now an inch or so taller, he looks down at Phil with a smile.

“Hi,” he says, his voice almost shy.

Phil smiles back, his hands running up and down Dan’s back in gentle sweeps. “Hi,” he parrots.

“I-“ before Dan can even finish that statement, his phone begins ringing in his pocket. He frowns, already knowing that it’s likely going to be his agent, pissed at him for missing yet another event. He shifts enough to tug it out of his pocket, silencing it before tossing it onto the sofa to the left of Phil.

Blue eyes follow the phone as it crashes onto the cushion, flickering back to look at Dan with an uncertainty in them that hadn’t been there before. “Ben?” he guesses, his mouth twisting into something like a grimace when he says the name.

Dan shakes his head. “No, just my manager. They’re probably mad that I missed the awards show. Again.” He rolls his eyes, but a smile graces his lips as he looks back down at Phil. He brings both hands up to cup his neck, his thumbs brushing over his Adam’s apple in feather-light strokes.

“Will you get in trouble?” Phil asks, looking guilty.

“Nope,” Dan lies. Well, it wasn’t exactly a lie. Sure, he wouldn’t get dropped from the agency or anything- he was their prize client right now. But he would get a very long lecture come Monday, or whenever he called them back. Whichever came first.

“I’m sorry,” Phil says, seeming to pick up on the lie Dan’s just told. The brunette just shrugs it off, but Phil shakes his head. “I probably should’ve just taken you to the O2 like I was meant to.” He stares past Dan, at something he can’t see, and Dan notes that his hands haven’t stopped their gentle movements against his back.

“And miss out on this?” Dan asks softly, gently pressing forward to press a kiss to Phil’s lips.

Phil smiles when they’ve separated. “I don’t want you to get in trouble,” he tells him, his voice sounding sincere.

Dan smirks, ducking his head down to speak into Phil’s ear. “Would you have to punish me? If I got in trouble?”

Instead of the sexy response he figured he’d get, Phil laughs, loudly. Dan’s cheeks flush, and he sits back, barely able to meet Phil’s gaze now that he’s embarrassed himself. “Aw, Dan,” he giggles, tugging the brunette closer to him, hugging him to his chest. Dan drops his forehead to his shoulder, refusing to meet his gaze. “I’ve got to be honest and say I’m not, um, quite into that. But if you are, that’s-“

“I’m not either. Not really,” Dan admits, lifting his head to gaze up at Phil shyly.

A curious look settles onto Phil’s face then. “Oh. So, we’re you-“

“I was kidding. Mostly.” Dan rolls his eyes and sits up, putting a couple inches between them. “Ben was into some strange stuff, so I just thought… I don’t know what I thought. Can we pretend that never happened?”

“Pretend what never happened?” Phil asks with a small smile.

Dan grins down at him. “I knew I liked you for something.”

Phil laughs. “For something other than my devishly handsome good looks? Preposterous.”

“That’s a big word,” Dan giggles, dragging his hands down the front of Phil’s t-shirt to play with the hem. He was still wearing his jacket, Dan noticed. That needed to change.

“That’s not all that’s big,” Phil says in a low voice.

It’s Dan’s turn to laugh, tipping his head back and letting the sound echo around the room. “That’s- oh my god, you- Phil,” he whines, rolling his eyes back to catch the other man’s gaze.

Phil’s looking at him with the softest gaze, his lips just barely curved up. “You’re beautiful when you laugh. Especially right here.” He drops a finger to Dan’s cheek, right where his dimple lives.

Dan can feel his cheeks flushing with heat, and he knows that there’s no way Phil hasn’t noticed. He ducks his head down, trying to hide how pleased he is by the compliment. “Thanks,” he mumbles. “You don’t have to sweet talk me, though. I’m literally sat in your lap, waiting to be ravished. I don’t need to be buttered up.”

A quiet laugh falls from Phil’s lips as he reaches up to tuck a curl back into place. Something in Dan’s chest flutters at the intimate gesture. “I’m not trying to butter you up. Although, if that’s a euphemism for lube or something, then you probably ought to reconsider that, unless you’re just already prepared.” His lips curve into a smirk.

It takes a moment for Dan to register what that means, but when he does his mouth falls open in surprise. “Phil!” He shouts, scandalized. And then he can’t help but laugh, because such bold innuendos are practically foreign to him now. He loved a good cheeky dick joke here and there, but Ben said they lacked class, which Dan figured was code for “I’m not comfortable enough dicking down a dude to make jokes about it.” It was refreshing to joke around like this with someone who was obviously perfectly comfortable in their skin.

Phil laughs along with him, his hands roaming down to rest against Dan’s hips. “I’m teasing, obviously.”

“I know,” Dan says sarcastically. “If I thought you were serious, I’d be slightly offended.”

Shrugging, Phil pokes his tongue out in that cute way. “But you’re not, so here we are.”

“Here we are,” Dan echoes, shifting to enunciate his statement.

Phil’s eyebrows raise, and he watches silently as Dan slowly drags his hands back up, tucking them under Phil’s jacket as he goes. He holds Phil’s gaze as he slowly pushes the fabric off his shoulders, watching his eyes for any sign of discomfort. Phil only shifts forward a little and moves his arms to allow Dan to remove the jacket. The minute that piece of fabric is no longer on Phil’s body, Dan leans forward, capturing his lips yet again.

Dan’s hands grip Phil’s shoulders, gently kneading the skin there as one of Phil’s hands comes up to cradle his jaw. It’s nearly perfect, aside from all the layers of clothes still separating them, and Dan lets his problem with this be known with a whine against Phil’s lips.

“What do you want?” Phil asks gently, pulling away from Dan’s lips to trail kisses down his jaw.

Dan drags a hand up to tangle into Phil’s hair, messing up the perfectly styled quiff that was there. “You,” he groans, slowly grinding his hips down into Phil’s. The man beneath him stutters to a stop against his throat, and Dan can hear a soft curse fall from his lips.

“Do you have a bedroom?” He asks, his lips tickling Dan’s neck.

Something about the way he’s phrased the question makes Dan snort out a laugh. “No, I sleep in the bathtub. Yes, Phil, I have a bedroom.” He can’t help but roll his eyes.

Phil sits back and gives him an unimpressed look. “Ha ha. You’re hilarious,” he deadpans. Dan grins at him, and something shifts in Phil’s expression. He sighs, leaning forward to press a kiss to Dan’s dimple. “You’re well lucky you’re cute,” he breathes against Dan’s skin.

Dan laughs but he can feel that giddy feeling from his earlier compliment making a return in his stomach. He wasn’t used to being so openly appreciated, and he honestly could say that it was quite nice. “C’mon, then.” He climbs off Phil’s lap and holds a hand out to lead him into the bedroom.

“Our tea-“ Phil begins, giving the mugs a wary look.

Rolling his eyes, Dan picks up his hand and pulls him to stand. “It’s cheap tea, it’s fine.” He begins making his way down the hall, turning the lights off as he went.

Phil makes a humming noise. “I can’t believe you gave a guest cheap tea, mate,” he teases.

Dan glances back at him with a mocking smile. “I don’t shell out the good stuff for just anyone, you know.”

There’s laughter as he drags Phil into his bedroom, releasing his hand the minute they’ve stepped into the room. He immediately turns to face Phil, reattaching their lips in the darkness of the room. He gently steps forward, inching Phil back just enough that he can close the door, pressing him against the wood until a click is heard. Phil responds to the kiss easily enough, his hands coming up to wrap around Dan’s hips as he had earlier. The little circles he’s tracing with his thumbs drive Dan insane, but in the best way.

Phil pulls away eventually, panting against Dan’s lips. “Should we turn the light on or something? It’s dark in here,” His voice sounds joking, but something about his words makes Dan freeze. A memory of something that happened long ago and that had long been forgotten, prods at the back of his mind.

“Shh!” Ben hushed him loudly, covering his mouth.

Dan gently pulled his hand away, looking up into his eyes curiously. “Why? We’re the only ones here. No one can hear us,” he laughs, but uneasiness sets in when Ben sets him with a glare.

“I don’t want your neighbors getting the wrong idea,” he explains, shifting so that he’s holding himself away from where he’s pressed Dan’s body against the door.

Confused, Dan brushes Ben’s hair back. The blonde flinches at the action, swatting Dan’s hand away. “Babe, they don’t know-“

“Don’t,” Ben warns, his eyes darkening. “Don’t call me that. I’ve told you.”

Dan swallows. “Sorry,” he whispers. “Can we just-“

“Turn the light off,” Ben mutters, gesturing to the light switch as he moves to lay on the bed.

A frown etches its way onto Dan’s lips. “It’s like half midnight, Ben, and I can’t really see-“

“Turn the fucking light off, Daniel, or just forget about it.”

Dan stares at him for a moment before nodding slowly, moving to flick the switch off. He knew why Ben didn’t want the light on. He just thought… Well, maybe someday he’ll want to see him in the light.

“Dan? Are you okay?” Phil’s voice reaches his ears, and Dan snaps himself out of his thoughts.

“I want the lights on,” he blurts, rather than answering the question.

Phil sends him a strange look, but nods before leaning over to flick the switch that would turn the light on. “There we go,” he says, voice soft. He’s still got a strange look in his eyes, as if Dan’s some kind of injured animal and he’ll hurt him if he moves too fast.

Without waiting for anymore questioning, Dan grips Phil’s t-shirt and drags him close, kissing him deeply. Phil doesn’t protest, wrapping an arm around Dan’s waist and holding him close. Dan carefully begins walking backwards until his knees hit the edge of his bed. He allows their lips to part, making quick work of the buttons on his shirt. He tosses it somewhere else, not paying attention to where it lands as he takes in Phil’s reaction.

Phil’s expression has shifted into something hungry and wanting, and Dan couldn’t be more thrilled by the look on his face as he studies Dan. Ben never looked at him this way. He certainly never looked at him this way in the light and for such a long time. “Dan.” Phil’s voice sounds almost choked.

“Can I...” Dan trails off, slowly bringing a hand up to the hem of Phil’s shirt. “Can I see you too?”

“God, yes.” Phil quickly tugs his own shirt over his head, dropping it to the floor. Dan immediately drops his gaze to his chest, and he swears he can feel his heart beating out of his chest when he sees the chest hair there. Ben had chest hair as well, but he didn’t like to be ogled.

Phil didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. Dan slowly drags a hand down Phil’s chest, his fingernails lightly scratching down as he traces a path to the top of his jeans. “Fuck, Phil,” he groans. Without waiting for a response, he drops to the edge of the bed, giving him the perfect opportunity to begin peppering kisses across Phil’s chest, loving the way the hair tickles his lips as he makes his way down.

“Oh,” Phil lets out a soft sigh, his hand falling to Dan’s hair as he works. “Dan, will you-“

Before he can finish, Dan drops a kiss right over the zipper on his jeans, effectively cutting his words off. “Yes?” He says sweetly, looking up at Phil. The height difference with him sitting on the edge of the bed does something funny to his stomach, and he finds himself wishing, not for the first time, that he was shorter.

Phil chews on his lip for a moment, studying Dan, before gently pushing him back. “I wanna suck you.”

There’s not a lot of things that make Dan nervous about sex. Having his cock in another man’s mouth, however, was one of those things. Ben preferred to be the receiver on that end, naturally, so Dan hadn’t had a proper blow job in what felt like forever. So, to say that his stomach was swarming with nerves was an understatement.

“Dan?” Phil calls softly from his position at the foot of the bed. He’d settled himself on his knees there, staring down at Dan with a soft gaze. “If you don’t want me to, I won’t.”

Dan had no clue how Phil just seemed to know just what he was feeling, but he was so, so grateful. He shakes his head once he registers his words, though. “I want you to. I just...” He gestures vaguely, not finishing the sentence.

Phil sends him a confused look, and Dan’s reminded that although it might feel like it, Phil can’t actually read his mind. “I don’t know what you want unless you say it, babe,” he says gently, the pet name seeming to fall out with ease.

After taking a moment to gather his thoughts, Dan manages to answer him. “Ben didn’t like going down on me, so I just... I’m not sure if I, um... I don’t know. It’s dumb. Just, go ahead.” He gestures down to where the bulge in his pants is slightly softening from all the talking they’re doing.

“Dan,” Phil sighs. He moves to crawl up the bed, placing an arm on either side of Dan’s head to hold himself up over him. “I don’t want to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. But if you’re holding back because your idiot ex-boyfriend didn’t know how to treat you right, then I want you to just let go of that. I’m not him. This is different. You can be someone different with me.”

Dan considers his words as he stares up into his blue eyes, pondering for a long time what to say to that. Eventually, his mouth moves before he’s even really made his decision. “What if I want to be just me?” He whispers.

Phil smiles sweetly before ducking down and pressing a kiss to Dan’s cheek. “I’d love nothing more than to spend the evening with just you, then.”

A shy smile works its way onto his lips then, and Dan quickly captures Phil’s lips with his own in an effort to distract himself from that giddy feeling in his stomach. They kiss languidly for a while, and then slowly, Phil makes his way down, trailing kisses along his chest as he goes. He seems to consider stopping at Dan’s nipples, but he simply drops a sweet kiss to each before continuing down.

When his hands reach for Dan’s belt buckle, the brunette’s stomach swoops in arousal. Phil’s deft fingers work quickly in undoing it, moving right along to the button and zipper. “Lift up,” He pats Dan’s thigh gently, waiting until Dan’s done as instructed before he tugs the dress pants down his thighs, sitting back to pull them off his legs entirely. “You’ve got such gorgeous legs,” he murmurs. As if to prove his point, Phil takes one of Dan’s calves in hand and begins pressing kisses down, making a path to his black Calvin’s, which are straining tightly over his throbbing cock.

“Please,” He whispers, having very little patience for the teasing way Phil’s kissing up his thigh.

Those blue eyes flicker up to meet his gaze, and Dan swears he stops breathing for a moment. “Be patient, sweetheart.”

The nickname causes a swirl of emotions in his chest, and he tries hard to hide his ridiculous smile. “I like- oh, fuck,” he interrupts himself when Phil’s lips finally ghost over his cloth-covered cock.

The sensation doesn’t last long, as Phil pulls away to shoot him a self-satisfied smirk. “What was that you were saying?”

“I don’t-“ Dan means to say he doesn’t exactly recall, but then Phil’s hand is squeezing his hardness and he’s certain the air in his lungs is gone. “I don’t know!” He whines, nearly thrashing against the touch he’s being granted. It’s not nearly enough, but it just feels so good, especially with all the buildup.

“You were saying you liked something, I believe. Was it...” Phil ghosts his lips over the material again. “This?”

Dan fights the feelings of lust and pleasure to try and recall what exactly he was trying to say, because it might have been relevant. As soon as he realizes, he spews it out, no filter whatsoever. “I like when you call me sweetheart, it’s-“ a whine when Phil removes his touch. “I really like it.”

It’s quiet in the room for a moment, and it gives Dan a moment to come down from the cloud of lust a bit. He raises his head just enough to shoot Phil a look, surprised when he finds him staring down at where he’s tracing patterns onto Dan’s thigh, a thoughtful look on his face.

“Phil?” He calls softly.

The man in question glances up at him, a soft smile on his lips. “Hm?”

“Are you... is this okay?” He’s a little unsure now that they’ve paused.

“Yes, of course it is,” Phil says quickly, easing Dan’s doubt a bit. “I just...” He trails of as he leans his head to the side, resting his temple against Dan’s thigh. “You deserve something good. I want this to be good for you.”

Dan blushes, but manages a small laugh. “It’s perfect. This is perfect, I promise.”

A smirk crawls onto Phil’s face, and he slowly drags his fingers to trace over Dan’s hardness. “Just this? Do you want to just do this, or would you prefer something a little...” he leans down then, pressing his lips to the material and sucking gently through the fabric. It’s just enough friction to have Dan bucking his hips.

“More,” he pants, shifting around. “God, please, more.”

“My name’s Phil, but I guess you can call me God, too,” Phil teases, dipping his fingers under the waistband of Dan’s pants.

“Shut up,” Dan groans. “You should be doing something with your mouth that isn’t talking.”

Phil giggles, like actually giggles, and Dan doesn’t even try to hide the grin on his face at the reaction. “How very bold of you, Daniel,” he murmurs, dragging the material down slowly.

Dan doesn’t have the heart to respond with any sort of joke, especially not when the material is gone and there’s nothing separating his cock from Phil’s view. “Please,” He whispers, unable to help himself from begging.

“You’re so gorgeous, Dan,” Phil gushes before dropping his head down to press a kiss to the head of Dan’s cock. Dan squirms under him, searching for more. “Ah, sit still, Dan. Good boys sit still.” He’s clearly teasing and referencing their earlier conversation, but Dan can’t help but gasp at the way the words seem to just turn him on even more.

“Fuck,” Dan groans when Phil’s lips finally wrap around him, properly blowing him now. He drops a hand to Phil’s hair and begins dragging his fingers through it gently, not forcing his head down but just feeling the softness of Phil’s hair as his head bobs. “You’re so good,” he mutters, incoherently, as he allows his head to fall back, just taking in the sensations.

Phil only hums and continues his movements. It’s not long before Dan can feel it becoming too much, and he knows he doesn’t want to finish this way. He gently tugs Phil’s head away with his hair, and those blue eyes flick up to look at him questioningly. “Okay?” He questions softly, his hand stroking Dan’s thigh.

“Mhm. I want…” He trails off then, a little embarrassed to finish that particular sentence.

A sweet smile graces Phil’s face, and he props his head up on his hand, his elbow digging into the mattress on the other side of Dan’s thigh. “Use your words, sweetheart.”

Dan allows a breathy sigh to fall from his lips before gesturing for Phil to come closer. “C’mere. Wanna kiss you.”

“Your wish is my command,” Phil grins as he crawls up the bed, settling himself between Dan’s legs and bringing their lips together.

They lay like that for a bit, Dan trailing his fingers through Phil’s hair and finding the feeling so pleasant he just doesn’t want to stop. Eventually, though, he does, as Phil has begun lightly grinding down on him, making it impossible to ignore the arousal coursing through his veins. Pulling Phil down with his hair, Dan ghosts his lips over his jawline, making his way up to his ear. “I want you to fuck me,” he whispers hoarsely.

Phil groans at this, and Dan smirks at the way the other man ruts down against him. “Condom?” He breathes.

Dan nods to the bedside table to his left. “Top drawer,” he instructs.

Phil ducks down to press another kiss to his lips before pulling away and moving to rummage through his drawer, coming back with a foil packet and a bottle of lube. “This is the same brand I use,” he informs him with a concentrated look on his face as he begins unscrewing the cap.

Something about this makes Dan giggle, but he tries to cover his mouth when Phil looks up at him. “Sorry,” he says behind his hand.

“What?” Phil asks, an eyebrow raised.

Dan shrugs, spreading his legs apart as Phil moves down the bed to settle down there. “I dunno. That was just a cute thing to say.”

Phil sends him a gentle smile then, and Dan can’t help that stupid fluttery feeling in his chest again. He hadn’t felt that way about anyone in so long, and as much as it scared him, he never wanted it to go away. “You’re cute,” Phil tells him quietly as he pours the liquid onto his fingers.

“No, you,” Dan protests softly.

A finger gently pets over his rim before slowly sinking in, and Dan can’t help but let out a small breath. “Relax, Dan,” Phil says gently. He strokes his unoccupied hand over Dan’s thigh. “Are you alright?”

“Mhm. You can-“ He breathes out again, trying to keep still as he adjusts to the feeling of Phil’s finger sliding inside him. He was definitely not used to going this slow, and something about how gentle Phil was being made him squirm uncomfortably. “You can add another.”

Phil frowns at him then, and it’s the first time Dan’s seen a real, proper frown from him all evening. “I don’t do that,” he says softly. “I’m not going to hurt you, Dan.”

Something in the way he says that has Dan feeling his eyes fill with tears. He takes in a shuddering breath, struggling to keep it under control, but Phil’s going so slow and his hands are so soft and gentle, and before Dan knows it he’s crying, big, messy tears streaming down his face.

“Dan?” Phil calls in alarm. “Dan, what-“

“I’m sorry!” Dan cries, covering his eyes. He barely notices when Phil pulls his finger out, but he is fully aware when the bed shifts, and strong arms are wrapping around him, pulling him to rest against a warm chest.

“Shh. It’s okay. Please don’t cry, Dan. I’m sorry about… whatever I did.” Phil strokes his hair gently as he speaks, his fingers soothing against Dan’s scalp.

“It’s not you,” Dan breathes.

There’s a pause, before Phil speaks again. “I don’t… I don’t think I understand,” he admits.

Dan sighs, pressing his face to Phil’s chest. “It’s fucking Ben.”

Phil hums at this but doesn’t respond immediately. When he does, however, his words surprise Dan. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Chewing on his lip, Dan actually considers it. He feels stupid, but at this point he’s certain he’s ruined the mood, so he’s not sure how bad he should feel about sharing his trauma with this man who’s seen his dick but is still a stranger, in most senses of the word. “Can I?” he finds himself whispering.

“Course,” Phil replies. “If you want to. I’ll listen.”

Dan doesn’t speak for a long time. He tries to collect his thoughts, tries to bring something to the front of his mind that seems to be worth talking about. When it came to the relationship he had with Ben, or the lack thereof, he had a hundred things to say, but being faced with saying them- well he didn’t know where to start.

When he finally speaks, he surprises himself when he answers. “I used to think I was in love with him.”

Phil hums, probably indicating for Dan to continue. It feels strange having such an intimate conversation with a stranger while he’s naked, but he decides it’s probably worth continuing.

So, he does. “I used to sit up all night, waiting for him to text me that he was horny, so I could offer to help out, just so I could see him for a little while. I didn’t even care if I finished, I just… I wanted to see him so bad. And when we’d go out together, I’d see him flirting with other people- it made me sick, that did. I’d go to the bathroom and just sick everywhere. I hated it.” He can feel tears streaming down his cheeks, but when he notices, Phil’s fingers come down to gently wipe them away. “I’d watch him go home with someone else, and I’d cry myself to sleep. But then the next day when he wanted to go for lunch or something, I’d go, because I couldn’t put any distance between us. I just couldn’t.”

Phil doesn’t answer, his hand still gently stroking through Dan’s curls.

“But that’s not love, is it? Loving someone who makes you so sick that you can barely move, or who calls when they need you but don’t pick up when it’s two am and you’re sitting on the fire escape thinking about jumping-“ he releases a shuddering breath, and he’s almost positive that Phil tightens his grip on him. “That’s not love at all. Is it?”

It’s mostly rhetorical, but when the silence is interrupted by Phil’s soft tone, Dan doesn’t hesitate to listen.

“I don’t think…” he starts out slowly, sounding cautious. “I don’t think someone else can tell you that what you feel isn’t love. But, when the person you’re in love with treats you that way-“ his voice sounds choked, and Dan hates that he’s the cause of it. “-Then I think it’s safe to say that the person doesn’t love you back.”

His voice is so, so gentle, and so are his hands, but Dan can’t help the sob that escapes him. “I know,” he says wetly, closing his eyes tightly in an effort to stop the tears. “I know, and I hate it.”

They sit there for a while without talking, and eventually Dan realizes how stupid he feels. “God. I’m sorry,” he groans, disentangling himself from Phil and looking down at him with an apologetic grimace.

“For what?” Phil asks, sounding genuinely perplexed.

Dan gestures around them helplessly. “For being so… I don’t know. You don’t go to hook up with someone and expect them to just spill their fucking problems, you know?”

Phil frowns at him then, tilting his head as if he hadn’t understood. “You know I didn’t just come to hook up, right?”

Then it’s Dan’s turn to act confused, because he’s fairly certain he hadn’t misread the situation that much. “What?”

With a small smile, Phil tugs his arm so he’s laying against him once again. This time, though, Dan rolls onto his stomach and props his chin on Phil’s chest to meet his eyes as he speaks. “I would’ve offered to come in and chat if you hadn’t invited me, Dan.”

It takes a long moment for Dan to process this. When he does, he shakes his head. “But you- we were about to have sex!” He protests.

Phil shrugs. “That was just a bonus.” A cheeky smile frames his lips before they shift into something more serious. “But honestly, Dan. I was in the car with you and Ben for a while tonight, I saw what happened. I’m not blind, you know.”

Dan flushes, his mind going back to when Ben had covered his mouth to whisper-yell at him. He shivers involuntarily at the reminder. “I hadn’t thought you noticed.”

A snort falls from Phil’s nose. “Of course I did. There I had Dan Howell and some twat sitting in the back of my car arguing, naturally I tried to pay attention.”

“Oh,” Dan nods, suddenly getting it. “Of course, yeah. Actor, drama. Got it.”

Phil sends him a confused look. “No,” he says slowly, his blue eyes narrowing. “That’s not what I’m saying, Dan. No one deserves to get treated that way. The fact that I recognized you just meant that I felt closer to the situation and wanted to make sure you stayed safe. It had fuck all to do with the fact that you’ve got a day job as an actor.”

Dan’s gaze falls down to where he’d tucked his hands under his chin, and he studies his fingernails carefully. “Oh,” he repeats. “So… You just… What, you were just going to pop in for tea and ask how my relationship was going?” Something about it bothers him, but he can’t put his finger on what.

“No. I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out. You seem like a genuinely nice person, and honestly, you seem like you need nicer friends. I would’ve asked if you wanted to play some video games or something, and if later on you decided you wanted to talk about it, I would have listened, just like I did now.” Phil reaches a hand up to pet Dan’s hair. He lets out a sigh, and his breath fans across the space between them and lands gently on Dan’s face. “I’m sorry if I made you feel bad about telling me. I genuinely just wanted you to feel like you had someone to listen, if you needed it.”

Before Dan can really consider it, he’s moving, shifting closer and pressing his lips to Phil’s. There’s a brief second where he’s not sure if Phil’s going to reciprocate, but then his hand is on Dan’s hip, and his other his resting in Dan’s curls, holding him closer. Dan tries to put all his gratefulness, all his relief into the kiss, showing Phil how glad he is that he met him tonight. It had only been a few hours, but Dan had never felt so bonded to a person in such a short period of time.

“Thank you,” he whispers against Phil’s lips when he finally pulls away.

“You’re welcome,” Phil whispers back.

He doesn’t ask what Dan means, and Dan’s grateful for that. He wants to have a moment without talking, or maybe several, and now that he feels an emotional weight has been lifted off his chest, he feels that maybe they can finally have that. But first, he wants to check and make sure that he hadn’t fucked it up already.

“I ruined the mood, didn’t I?” he asks with a hint of a laugh in his voice.

Phil pulls away enough to smile. “Nah. You’ve changed it, but I think in a good way. Are you still-?”

Dan slowly drags his hips up, and although his cock had started to soften, this new simulation causes a new swell of arousal to rush through him. “Yeah, are you?”

“Mhm,” Phil presses a kiss to his lips again before gently pulling away. “Still want me to top?”

Dan chews on his lip for a moment, but nods. “I really just-“ he flushes as soon as he processes what he was about to say.

“What?” Phil asks gently, dragging his lips down to kiss along Dan’s throat. “What do you need, babe?”

The pet name has him ducking his head to hide his smile, but then he’s feeling embarrassed all over again over what he was about to admit. “I want you to take care of me,” he breathes.

Phil doesn’t pause his movements, dragging his lips from the base of Dan’s throat and back up to his lips. He presses his lips to Dan’s softly for just a moment before pulling away. “Lay down.”

Dan immediately obliges, rolling over onto his back and watching as Phil moves down the bed to resume his earlier position. He spreads his legs again, only feeling slightly embarrassed about how on-display he was. The lights being on didn’t help how nervous he suddenly felt, but he preferred being able to see the way that Phil tugged his own pants off, finally leaving both of them naked. Dan was impressed, to say the least, and there was absolutely nothing else he wanted to do tonight other than Phil.

“I’m going to go slow, okay? I don’t want to hurt you, so we’re starting slow, alright?” Phil looks down at him with a raised eyebrow, squeezing the lube out onto his right hand.

“Alright.” Dan nods in understanding. He could handle that. He’d had his breakdown, but now he was certain that he’d be alright.

“If you want me to stop, at any point and for any reason, you have to tell me, okay, Dan?” Phil’s voice is serious, and the authority in his tone does something funny to Dan’s stomach.

“Okay.”

Phil nods, satisfied with that answer, before he moves his hand down to Dan’s most sensitive place. He tugs at Dan a few times before dropping his hand down to stroke his fingers over Dan’s hole. He meets Dan’s gaze, waiting for him to nod before he slowly slips a finger inside, pumping in and out gently.

Dan sighs, dropping his head back. “Good?” Phil asks softly.

Nodding, Dan murmurs out, “So good.”

Phil lets out a soft laugh at this, and true to his word, he works slowly, eventually adding a second, and finally a third finger, moving them apart and stretching Dan open as gently as possible. When he finally pulls them out, Dan’s sweating, his hips grinding down onto nothing as soon as Phil’s hand is gone. He lets out a whine, unable to stop the noise from falling from his mouth.

“Are you alright?” Phil whispers.

Dan opens his eyes, not even aware he’d closed them, to find Phil hovering over him. “Yes,” he breathes. He leans up to capture Phil’s lips with his own, pleased when Phil swipes his tongue over Dan’s bottom lip. “Phil, please,” he whispers.

Phil sits back on his heels, nodding as he finds the foil packet in the sheets and rips it open, rolling the condom on with quick fingers. He moves to hover over Dan, pressing their lips together again. When he pulls away, he murmurs, “Ready?”

“Mhm, yes,” Dan mumbles, tossing his head back as he waits, impatiently, for Phil to get inside him already. Phil chuckles softly at this, and Dan can feel the mattress shifting as he moves down to sit back on his heels, pulling Dan’s legs up and wrapping them around his back. The way he’s positioned them has Dan arching his back up a little, and Phil grabs a pillow and quickly pushes it under his lower back. Dan hates himself for it, but the sweet, thoughtful gesture makes him blush.

Surprisingly, Phil doesn’t speak again as he gently pushes inside. It’s almost as if they’re both holding their breath, the room gone silent aside from their heavy breathing, as Phil gently presses in, inch by inch. Once he’s finally bottomed out, Dan opens his mouth and pants. The stretch feels amazing, but it’s undeniably painful. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t glad that Phil had taken his time to stretch him so thoroughly, but even with it, he felt like his eyes might start to water.

“Let me…” Phil cuts himself off with a groan, his head dropping as he pants. “Tell me when I can move.”

It takes a few moments, but eventually Dan nods, reaching forward and patting Phil’s hand that’s wrapped around his hip. “You can move. Please, please, move.”

His plea is answered, Phil sliding out before pressing back in slowly, the slide feeling like one of the best things Dan’s ever experienced. “You feel so good,” Phil groans, lifting a hand from Dan’s body to push his messy hair back out of his eyes. “Fuck,” he breathes.

Dan whines, lifting his hips up to meet his thrusts. “Please, Phil,” he begs, trying his hardest to make him go faster.

“What do you want? Use your words, sweetheart.”

The name has Dan’s eyes rolling back. “Faster, please. Please, fuck, Phil.”

Phil responds to this by shifting a little, the movement causing him to slide impossibly further into Dan’s willing body, and the brunette swears he’s going to faint. Before he even has a moment to wonder over how impossibly close he feels to Phil right then, Phil is moving faster, just like Dan wanted.

“Oh my god, fuck, oh- Phil,” Dan babbles, tossing his head back and forth as he feels Phil press against his prostate with every thrust. He knows this is going to end too quickly, all the buildup from this evening having his stomach tightening already.

“Dan, Dan, oh fuck.” The words seem to fall from Phil’s lips without any thought, and Dan’s intoxicated by the sound of his name falling from Phil’s lips.

“Please.” Dan has no idea what he’s asking for, but he can only plead for something to bring him over the edge he’s on. Phil doesn’t disappoint, his hand coming up to wrap around his length and pumping in time to his thrust the best he can. “Phil, oh god, gonna-“

“Go ahead, sweetheart.” Even now, Phil’s voice is gentle, and with that nickname falling from his lips, Dan doesn’t stand a chance. He comes quickly, all over Phil’s hand and his own chest, whines falling from his lips even after he’s finished.

Phil thrusts into him a few more times before he stills, a drawn out swear leaving his mouth as he releases, his thumbs stroking circles onto Dan’s hips as he does. He slowly eases out, pulling the condom off and tying it. He looks a little unsure at first, and Dan nods to the trashcan beside the wall. “Over there,” he says tiredly, tossing an arm across his forehead as Phil climbs off the bed to dispose of it.

Dan closes his eyes for just a moment, just to catch his breath, but they snap open when he feels something soft running over his stomach. “Shh. Just me,” Phil soothes him quickly. Dan glances down to find him gently cleaning up the stickiness on his chest with a tissue, one he’d probably found on his nightstand.

“Thank you,” Dan murmurs, watching as Phil gently wipes him down before moving to toss the tissue into the trash.

Phil shrugs, coming back over to sit on the edge of the bed. “So, um…” He looks awkward, for the first time this evening, and Dan wonders how often he does the whole hooking-up-with-strangers thing.

“I have some pj’s in the second drawer of my dresser.” Dan gestures carelessly over at the piece of furniture, his limbs feeling heavy with exhaustion and the relief of a good orgasm. “If you want to sleep in something, that is.” His words are punctuated with a yawn as he climbs under the cover.

A look of shock is on Phil’s face. “Oh, um… What?”

Dan lifts his head to give him a confused look. “Aren’t you staying the night? It’s awfully late to be driving home.” Phil doesn’t seem sure about what to say to that, so Dan turns the blanket on the right side of the bed down. “C’mere. I’m a cuddler.”

Carefully, as if he’s unsure what he’s allowed to touch post-sex, Phil settles onto the bed beside Dan, laying stiffly beside him. “Are you…” He swallows hard, and Dan watches the way it moves his Adam’s apple. “Are you sure you want me to stay here?”

Dan nods, moving closer and tossing a leg over Phil’s. “Mhm. I don’t want you to drive home so late. Oh, by the way, I’ll pay you for the Uber in the morning. I completely forgot about that earlier.” He feels like he’s already half asleep at this point, so he’s not sure how coherent he’ll be if Phil decides to respond.

“Okay. Night, Dan.” He whispers softly. Dan feels a hand gently card through his hair, and the thought of waking up next to this gorgeous man makes him smile.

“Night, Phil,” he mumbles, hoping that it sounds semi-intelligible. He quickly drops off into a deep sleep, his mind swirled with thoughts of black hair and blue eyes and tongues between teeth and sweet nicknames. He works himself into a proper good dream starring the man he’s sharing a bed with, for once feeling content enough to sleep through the whole night without stirring.

When he awakes the next morning, he’s alone.

#phan #phanfiction #this is based on a short film but i got v carried away with the angst and backstory #fluff #angst #smut #au #some emotional abuse but not dnp #dnb

[kae-karo]

Hi I used to be into the phandom so much but fell out in like??? 2017??? Maybe??? Has anything big happened at all? Has anyone died/caught on fire ( ;) )??

oh dear god where do i begin??? well fortunately both our lads are still alive. let me just start with saying 2018 has been like. probably the best year for dnp to date? i’ll try to go in some kind of order here but bear with me i’ll touch on a bit of 2017 stuff and then go into 2018 for ya

so first of all i’m not sure when you left the phandom in 2017 but the lads moved out of their previous flat in april of last year (x) (april-ish it was def before they posted the vid)

also our dear lil dani snot on fire is no longer not on fire (x) so uhh is he on fire now ig? i mean yeah that’s arguably true

*insert phil’s badaladala sound bc on the scale of Significant Things i don’t think anything else massive happened*

day one of demon month, we got this amazing vid from phil wherein viewers (aka dan) picked his outfits n he looked like a snacc and a half (would’ve been 2 snaccs if he’d embraced the quiff sooner but that’s getting ahead of things) (x)

!!!! then a week or so later dan posted his vid ‘daniel and depression’ where he opened up abt his struggle with depression (x) which was imo the start of him just being more open about himself in general. he also started working with young minds (a mental health org for young people in the uk) and shortly thereafter with prince william’s program to help prevent cyberbullying

then! on the day love was invented! dnp released their board game, truth bombs (x - yeah i linked the second vid and not the first, and wot) which u can buy if you’d like but it’s a lot of fun (x)

then these idiots did a conjoined jumper baking challenge and didn’t fucking wear shirts under the jumper like what dumb gays idk (x) but it was real funny and Good Content

then early nov dnp announced the interactive introverts tour (x) and then uhhh it happened (like 80+ shows??? in a ton of countries???) (x) and they’re releasing the filming of it along with some bonus content like a director’s commentary and u can preorder it (x)

also pinof 9 happened which as a legacy phan u know is always a Thing but this year it was especially a Thing so i recommend catching up (x, and the bloops - x)

and phew okay that’s the majority of 2017 Important Events but before i go on to 2018 i’ll just recap a few important events from dapg (basically just some gamingmas stuff):

wherein dan smacked phil in the face

and phil crushed the presents but dan helped him up

where phil pretended not to remember gamingmas was happening, leading to the most iconic simultaneous heart eyes howell/love eyes lester to date

dnp singing baby it’s cold outside together whilst playing yasuhati

iconic pinof 9 moment

dnp play charades but it’s phil’s turn, and he’s touchy

the not my arms challenge!!! playing mario kart

okay! and before anyone starts yelling i know there’s more but god if i put every iconic thing in this post would break there’s Too Much so let’s hop into 2018 bc it’s gonna be a long one

first i cannot believe dan fucking gave phil a philussy cake and phil’s parents asked phil what it meant jfc dan (x)

THE EARRING!!! dan’s first selfie with the lil hoop and it never leaves and we love it (x)

phil is just trying to take a selfie and dan ruins it (x) spoiler alert: phil gets him back in colorado (x)

okay big sigh two large events happen in march: the first, dan’s ‘trying to live my truth’ vid (x) it basically dan saying ‘i’m still figuring things out but i want to be more authentic and true to myself, and also authenticity is important for some people to feel happy in life’ vid that a lot of people hyperfixated on the end line of, where he said he would go ‘laugh at a joke with a chocolate bar and...something else in my mouth’ which people assumed meant a dick and therefore it was a subtle coming out vid, dan did a liveshow afterward (x) wherein he said that wasn’t the point of the vid and people got mad at him for ‘backtracking’ (if u want more of my Opinions on this feel free to check em out - x)

the second v v big event happened at the end of march when phil posted this iconic selfie that would be the downfall of the fringe (x) this has been titled the quiffening by some

shortly after that he began styling his hair in a quiff permanently which was probably the best decision he’s made since responding to one of his obsessed fans back in 2009

quick detour dan’s proud of his hubby (x) for winning fortnite and ‘fuxkung’ is now what ‘fucking’ autocorrects to in my phone

we also had dan releasing his merch (x) which is basically all black and themed around the eclipse logo and ‘don’t talk to me’, though he just released the exist line for world mental health day which has his quote ‘have the courage to exist’. he’s also mentioned possibly wanting to do more creative things like wide-necked or asymmetrical shirts dan just do a fashion line pls oh and he mentioned in a recent ls he might do an internet support group mug sometime soon

and then,,,,,pigeonfest. we watched. five hours. of phil livestreaming their patio. and literally nothing happened bc someone was like down on the street feeding pigeons so there weren’t even any pigeons for like 90% of the liveshow. but he literally didn’t talk it was just five hours of their patio and we all watched it. we all just watched it like the whipped phannies we are (x)

and then we got a brief but overwhelming dose of,,,,,,something from the easter baking vid (x) phil was hopped up on sugar and also confidence from his quiff and probably smth else as well

everything just blows up from there we have giving the people what they want (x) where, in preparation for ii (for which the underlying theme was ‘giving people what they want’), dnp reacted to pinof 1, swapped clothes, did the ‘yoga challenge’, recreated ditl manchester, ‘got a dog’, and made phil say fuck. honestly it shook the entire phandom to its core at the time but like. i’m less shooketh now? it’s sort of just fallen by the wayside in terms of how unpredictable dnp have been this year

then phil drops week in the life of dnp shortly thereafter which is just very very domestic even for them and their ditl style vids??? (x) phil filming dan in bed being one of the big demon highlights at the time

it’s right around this time too that insta stories start and my god it just goes jfc like i don’t even have the mental capacity to recall all the Iconic ones but i recommend checking out this playlist (x) which has all the ii tour stories goddamn there were a lot though they really put out that content didn’t they

in early may we get phil talking about why he changed his emo hair (x) and arguably the first official vid of the casual rebrand - phil’s more open and genuinely vulnerable about his fears about making a change to his hair, and i don’t think we’ve ever seen him that open before. the vids don’t stop being open though, with what dnp text each other (x) giving us coop and doop along with other iconic stories, dnp basically sitting on top of each other in that and other gaming vids on the tour bus, phil being very open abt his attraction to men (x) and the iconic final google feud vid with way too much of a specific kind of Energy (x) (ofc again there are More Vids but i don’t have the time/mental capacity to recap them all so i’m pickin the Big Ones)

monochrome mates (x)

phew okay so the tour in general as well - like if u don’t mind spoilers, i did a big ol analysis of what that was all about (x) but one of many many highlights is dan calling he and phil “best friends and soulmates” 

finally finally finally after months of waiting we also get some phil merch! (x) plant and animal themed, and he even released a lion plushie which sold out like instantly and he claimed he’d do more of but we have yet to see that. he says he’s got more ideas for other merch as well

now okay fast forward to october after the tour’s over bc i think the insta stories and the analysis cover it but then. then. then we get the pizza mukbang (x) thirty three minutes of dnp being more open and honest and casual than literally they’ve ever been on camera maybe ever, and i’m including liveshows in this statement. no holds barred, authentic vulnerable dnp. a religious experience

end of october spooky week hits us and i think the key vid to call out here is the creepy mind of phil lester bc i think it was another open honest authentic vid (x) where they talked a lot, casual domestic w.e got some insight into phil’s mind it was v good

and then they carve pumpkins jfc which was an experience (x) there were a lot of innuendos but also one of the first years they didn’t do a halloween baking in a while (though they have hinted at possibly doing christmas baking) idk i’m fully overwhelmed at this point lmao like a Lot happened this year

phew okay and Then just yesterday philly dropped his vid on why he went to (the) hospital (x) idk soz that’s a british thing i think like we say ‘the’ anyway. which i’ve been talking abt quite a lot lately but it was another very open and honest vid in which he expressed a lot of vulnerability and fear and perceived flaws and it was just a quality like. open vid.

jfc okay hope that helps obviously there’s a lot i didn’t mention, but this should at least get you caught up on some of the big stuff!! and while i’m at it have a few more Important Gifs from this year

a very important moment of communication whilst on tour, deciding whether or not they’re okay with doing a ‘third wheel’ pose

dan flinging himself off the chair in anger whilst playing getting over it

nose boop from phil’s instagram explore pages vid

subsequent nose boop from the extreme tetris vid

and a cheek boop from the overcooked 2 vid

dan pulling phil’s hand off the mouse in fear during spooky week, swamp simulator (shrek slender)

touchy!dan during pizza mukbang

oh god. okay. again, this is not everything, just a big list of some big events over the past year-ish. i’m sure i’ve missed some important stuff but i think i covered most of it! hope this helps ya get caught up dear!

#dnp #so dan and phil in 2018 eh #what's that about #phan #dip and pip #kt #anon #ask

[charliebattinson]

We’re Best Friends? | Be·fore. [Part 1] | Shawn Mendes

A/N: Hey guys! So I’ve decided to go through with the series but I’m not sure where it’s going to go lmao but yeah here ya go chapter 1!! Also shawn’s POV is in italic form and yeah pls do tell me if the way I write gets confusing! It’s a bit of a slow start! Constructive criticism is appreciated! Thanks!! Love you xx p.s sorry for the grammatical errors

Word Count: 1.4 K

♡ prel·ude ♡ thoughts ♡ ideas ♡ im·pulse ♡ del·i·cate ♡ eu·pho·ri·a ♡ sur·prise ♡ re·as·sur·ance ♡

I never thought I would see you come or be the reason behind it.

I never thought you would be under me, calling out my name and it makes my stomach flip in the best way possible or when you tell me not to stop (don’t worry I never want to) I love the way your hands feel when they grip on my skin or how pretty you are when you’re above me in all your allure while you’re trying to catch your breath because what we’re doing feels so so so good.

We do it again and again because I’m not sure if there’s gonna be a next time. Part of me hopes there is. Maybe the whole me does. Who knows?

I never thought of you in that way but now i think to myself how come I never saw you like that. Why it took us so long to get here or if it’s something we should never have given a go signal to. There are a million things running through my mind it feels like I’m going to get whiplash; it’s a mind game of all the possibilites. The what ifs. If it’s yes or no; Is it good or bad.

Man are we fucked. No pun intended.

I don’t know how we’re going to go back to something we don’t know the way to anymore or if I even want to go- oh wait, I’ve gone way too far into this story. She’s probably telling you the same thing now. Her. Blake. Huh, even saying her name sounds so different now than before but anyways,

☆☆☆

Let’s go back to before.

“So… did you get laid?” I ask with a smirk

Shawn turns to me and he makes a face. He has this cute little pout that makes him look like a 5 year old that didn’t get what he wanted for christmas. “No. I didn’t.” he says.

“What happened? I thought you were so fly! I gave you 5 bucks when you won that bet. Please tell me it was worth it. I could have bought iced coffee with that this morning!” I was wondering why things didn’t work out, the girl wouldn’t stop looking at Shawn last night at the bar.

Shawn opens his mouth to tell me the story but stops to listen to our professor’s discussion about how negative and positive feedback mechanisms help to maintain homeostasis. Whatever the fuck that is! I don’t know how that’s going to help me in opening my own art store in the future. I really don’t.

I pass shawn a note that says “tell me”. He opens it and smiles at me grabbing his pen to write down. I remember we would always do this back in grade school; send each other notes in class and play tic tac toe or hangman when we were bored out of our minds with the lectures “the good ol’ simple days” as I would like to call it.

Except it’s not so simple now huh?

I’m pulled out of my thoughts when Shawn pokes me on the side and hands me back the paper. I open it and start reading it. No wait — trying to read it becuase Shawn has one of the shittiest handwritings ever! The fucker can’t even draw a heart. When I get the chance to understand the words, it says “Tic tac toe first. I’ll tell you if you win.”

Guess who won.

“We were in my car ready to go to my place then out of nowhere she just starts crying saying how much she misses her girlfriend and she felt guilty because she was going to use me.” Shawn sighs as he quietly tells me what happened as we pretend to listen. Honestly why are we even in this class!

“We ended up going to a diner and just started talking about her failed relationship like I’m her psychiatrist!” As Shawn complains, I can’t help laugh at the misfortune my best friend had suffered last night. I try to contain it. I really do.

“Well what happened after?” Shawn leans closer “I convinced her to call her and to work it out which they did. She got picked up at the diner by her girlfriend and they were thanking me for making them reconcile. I swear I felt like Dr. Phil!”

I don’t even try hiding my laugh which causes everyone in class to look up to where me and Shawn usually sit at the top right corner of the lecture room. Fuck me. Shawn did.

“Since you two seem to be in your own world, Mr. Mendes and Ms. Regan, would like you to discuss what you two were talking about?” Professor Spinelli asks

“No sir. We’re sorry” Shawn says

“Focus” Spinelli says as he starts to pack his stuff. “Quiz next meeting. Study well” then he leaves.

I start packing my things to head out for the next class when Shawn pinches my side making me yelp in pain. “Ouch! What the fuck Shawn?” I shout as I rub my side.

“It wasn’t that funny. We could have gotten into trouble!” He says

“It was funny! You’re just too much of a scaredy cat shawny poop!” I chuckle as he scowls. It’s a nickname that stayed ever since we were 6, he used to cry so much whenever I called him that. As we leave the lecture hall and start walking the spacious hallway to our next class, an arm is draped around my shoulder.

”It’s handy that I have my library card because I’m totally checking you out.” the scruffy man speaks

“Geoff! Enough with the shitty pick up lines!” Shawn says.

Geoff has been a close friend of ours. Back in freshman year, we were clueless back then when it came to frat parties so we just hanged by at the kitchen area. He just popped out of nowhere and told us we would be friends. He really meant that shit.

“Ahhhh my two favorite fuckers” Geoff says as he wraps his arms around the both of us shuffling our hairs which annoys me and Shawn.

“What do you want, Geoff? I ask

“Me and the other boys want to celebrate at the grizzly bear since we all passed our exams. Would you two love birds care to join us or you two got a date?” he says.

“Yeah, I got a date. With my book! I can’t go Geoff! I gotta study. I have a quiz!” hoping he wouldn’t see right through me but of course I forgot the other fucker standing beside Geoff that sees right through the bullshit.

“Bullshit! You don’t need to study! Our quiz isn’t till next week! We don’t even have class tomorrow!” Shawn points and stares down at me. Jesus when did he get so tall? We were the same height in high school.

“Okay! Okay! Fine! I just wanna go home! Can I just stay at home please?” I plead. I’m so tired from all the work these couple of weeks. I never get a chance to just relax at home. It’s either i’m in the cafe, library or in the bar with Shawn. Also because whenever we drink with Geoff and the other boys, we all just end up shit-faced drunk and wake up the next day with a godawful hangover. There was a time me and Shawn showed up to class with matching sunglasses.

“Come on Blake! As if you can ever say no to bottomless mojitos! I’ll pay for you. Just hang out with us!” Geoff offers.

Shit! Mojitos! Bottomless mojitos! Free bottomless mojitos!

“You know you want it Blakey!” Shawn tempts me wiggling his eyebrows. They both start wiggling their eyebrows at me.

I think of two options. Option 1 is to be a responsible college student who should learn how to save, should be home studying for upcoming exams and doing other work so I don’t have to cram my ass. Option 2 says screw the studying and drink the night away with my best friend and my other friends that could possibly end up with a hangover because yolo right? So as any other normal human being, of course I chose option 2.

“Alright! Alright! I’m in! What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

Really? What’s the worst thing that could happen?

Oh right.

#shawn mendes #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes smile #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fic #magcon #magcon boys #illuminate #illuminate world tour #illuminate tour

[muchdan]

6 dnp moments that keep me awake at night

psa: i’m not including some iconic moments from the dog vlog or pinof 9 that are still fresh in our minds. i’m rather focusing on forgotten or underappreciated moments i rarely or never see on my dash. i present to you six moments that i can never get out of my head, in no particular order. let’s roll.

(click here for my previous list of moments. you won’t regret it)

1. cat sticker

so in the london ditl back in 2013, they’re browsing on their laptops, gbbo is on tv, and phil is covering his macbook with stickers. after he’s done he points out that dan’s laptop is clean and tries to stick a kitten on it but dan is protesting and covering the clean surface with his hand.

phil just laughs and sticks the cat on dan’s arm instead. no protest from dan. no reaction. they cut to the next scene.

later in the video we can see dan with this sticker the whole time: walking around the city, visiting chris, sitting in a cafe. which is where chris finally points it out and dan turns so giggly i swear i can barely function. 

all of a sudden he’s so smiley. because he likes it. you know that feeling you get when someone you like fixes your hair for you? when someone playfully adjusts your clothes and you don’t change it back because you want to keep it that way or you’ll somehow shake their affection off? even if it messes your whole look, even if it’s a stupid glittery sticker on your arm?? you know??????

2. announcement moose

the first appearance of an announcement moose was accompanied by this epic moment of dan roasting phil. annoyed dan blows into the moose’s butthole to announce that he hates phil and it’s followed by the most “done” expression i’ve ever seen on phil’s face. the moment ends in laughs. “omg i’m hilarious” laugh from dan and the “that wasn’t funny at all but you’re precious” laugh by phil. 

3. struggling with roller skates

so much to talk about here! brace yourselves, lads. 

first, not many people are around and no one’s watching them except anthony, but dnp are so comfortable around him that they do this very coupley thing, dan trying to help phil with his roller skate like a caring husband. 

second, anthony has been filming them all day, he’s been crossing the boundaries with those instagram stories that dnp can’t edit out or control or approve which makes me think that he knows the rules, he’s allowed to witness and capture these intimate moments. 

third, they are obviously smitten by being filmed, especially dan, his laugh is genuine but still a little bit embarrassed. how silly, he probably thinks. but all three of them are light-headed, they’re having fun, and they don’t really care that much. wow, truly a blessed moment to be allowed to observe.

4. you living flop/aw spacial awareness

i’m combining these moments into one because they’re so similar to me. dan’s soft natural voice? check. phil adorably failing to do a task and giggling? check. behind the scene moments not meant to be in the video? also check.

in the pancake flipping one, we can hear dan’s breath, his inaudible laughter, so close. the whole vibe is calm, almost sleepy, a short shared moment between two people who’ve filmed so many scenes together. phil could easily film this by himself. the camera is on a tripod, he can flip the pancake, wait a second and then look whether it worked. but dan is in the next room, why not call him to assist? why not ask him to just sit there and make sure that everything is in frame?? (i have a lot of feelings about dnp helping each other film can you tell?)

here’s another case of dnp’s calm filming routine. in this one, they are filming for dan’s channel and this scene requires more work from phil than from dan himself. dan’s completely neutral voice when phil hits his hand gets me every time. “aw dear. aw spacial awareness. ugh, you buffoon”. he knows phil will be fine. this is a completely different reaction to his “nope nope” when phil risks to seriously hurts himself doing a crab walk in pinof 9.

5. sitting really close in truth bombs

i get it, the table isn’t long enough. i know, sharing each other’s personal space is nothing new to them (and us). but the sight of dnp being that close in a shot, with dan not just pressed against phil’s shoulder, but sitting just a tiny bit behind him makes my little weak heart skip the beat. their hips are obviously touching under the table. their knees must be bumping against each other. they are safe with their friends. they are excited about the game. and they don’t even need to look at each other more than three times throughout the whole video because they’re already so close.

also, i want to individually acknowledge the way dan pushes phil’s chair a bit to the left to fit between him and hazel.

6. you’re gonna have sex

how?? what??? why????? 

i don’t remember dnp ever talking about sex in relation to themselves. (pls enlighten me if you know of such occurrences). they are constantly making sex jokes, discussing kinks (oh that blissful time when phil brought up microphilia). the closest thing to dan mentioning that he orgasms from time to time was the infamous “i’m gonna go and masturbate then cry into a slice of pizza” line. that’s why this moment just blows my mind. 

like, comment, subscribe if you want more videos i mean posts like this. and tell me of your favorite underappreciated moments. peace out.

#dnp #phan #phandom #moments #muchdan #muchdanedits #muchdan edits

[rhaella]

@ididntknowwhatmyurlshouldbe replied to your post “dr. phil is so damn stupid, especially when the story involves a...”

THEY NEVER QUESTION WHY THE KID ACTS UP THEY JUST BLME IT ON THE KID AND THE PARENT HAS NO FAULTS ITS SUCH CRAP!!!! pls can ppl stop going to him for advice, it’s only hurting the kids further

in the one that sparked that post, he actually blamed the parents entirely. which, yeah, their behavior enabled to be like that, but the son had such severe behavior/emotional regulation issues (literally physically assaulting his parents and threatening them) it seemed pretty obvious that there was something deeper going on and yet???? dr. phil was like “well if you’d disciplined him when he was 4 you wouldn’t be here”

@goodqueenalys replied to your post “dr. phil is so damn stupid, especially when the story involves a...”

omg YES i have ALWAYS said this! it could honestly be considered negligence (and probably would be if the guests didn't obviously have to sign liability waivers) to "treat" people with mental health and behavioral issues and even CALL it psychiatric help and then not even ensure they are going to get the follow up help they need. it's crap!

if the people whose issues are being discussed are adults and consent to being on the show, it’s like fine whatever (although dr. phil should definitely refer them to real care), but when it’s children under the age of 18???? how can they even consent to being exploited like that???? their parents probably signed the waiver, which is even worse. how could a decent parent care so little for their child that they’d agree to exploit them??

like danielle bregoli, ha ha so funny she talked shit to dr. phil. but she’s literally 15 (younger when she went on the show) and has very obvious issues that she deserves real help for, but now she’ll be known and mocked forever (it’s a whole other issue that people think a troubled child is that hilarious and entertaining)

i think if parents are going to go on a show like that about issues with their child, they shouldn’t show the child’s face or interview the child at all

#ididntknowwhatmyurlshouldbe #goodqueenalys #reply

[alounuitte]

a little under the weather

Phil might be getting sick, but there's no way he's going to let it get in his way when he's been trying so hard to be a better team player at the studio. After all, he's finally found some pride in what he does. (Or, Phil is reminded that some days hard work and a good attitude aren't all you need, after all.) (post-loop, light on actual romance and heavy on comfort and companionship.)

chapter 5 (also on my ao3)

(warnings: vomiting)

-

The sun in his eyes and the beginnings of a headache wake him up to find Rita already awake and making breakfast in the kitchen.

“What time is it?” he asks groggily, rubbing his eyes. “Sun’s up.”

“Little before seven,” she says.

“You’re late for work,” he mumbles.

“I’m going in at eight,” she replies. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Huh?” he asks, blinking at her.

“You were sick last night,” she says. “You should have come to get me.”

“Oh,” he says. “Didn’t want to bother you.”

She leans around the corner and throws a balled-up napkin at his head, which bounces off his cheek and lands in the garbage. “I told you to wake me up if you needed anything,” she reminds him sharply.

“Nice shot,” he says dryly. “Anyways, I didn’t need anything. What were you gonna do about it?”

“Well, at least I could have sat up with you,” she says. “Or made you more comfortable.”

“That’s not…” he begins.

She scowls, holding up the spatula she’s using like a threat, and he shuts up. “Pretty sure comfort and companionship still fall under the label ofanything, ” she says. “You think you can try to eat something?”

“Ugh,” he groans, throwing his arm over his face. “I guess I can try. ”

“What do you want?” she asks.

“Well, part of me really wants the eggs you’re making,” he says. “Fortunately, I know that part of me is stupid. ”

“You don’t want my eggs anyways,” she says. “You think the way I make them is gross, remember?”

“Oh, yeah,” he agrees. “Do me a favor and don’t eat them out here, huh?”

“Yeah,” she says dryly, “since even when you’re not sick you act like just seeing them might make you puke.” She looks around the kitchen, putting her hands on her hips. “I can make you toast,” she offers. “Or you can have more applesauce, or, um…”

“Toast is fine,” he says. “Hey, get me a Gatorade too, will you?”

She grins at him. “Wow,” she says, “look who’s behaving himself this morning.”

He manages a wry smile in return. “Well, it’s the only thing that’ll get you off my case, isn’t it?”

“Mm-hm,” she agrees, laughing, and goes to put some bread in the toaster for him.

“Hey, speaking of,” he adds, “you’re gonna send me my stuff when you get to the station, right?”

She hums thoughtfully, getting out a plate for her food. “If you promise you won’t strain yourself,” she says.

“I promise,” he agrees quickly, which earns him a suspicious sideways look.

“And you’ll rest, and drink fluids,” she adds.

“Come on,” he says. “I already asked you to get me a Gatorade. I’ll drink fluids.”

“And take something for the fever,” she says. “Your temperature’s still up, you need to keep an eye on it.”

“Rita, if it will get you to send me my things, I will text you photo evidence of my exact temperature every hour,” he says, exasperated.

“Okay,” she agrees, “if you’ll also take some ibuprofen before I leave.”

“Fine,” he says. “Bring it over here.”

She grabs the bottle as well as his toast and a Gatorade. “Here,” she says, and shakes out two tablets.

He takes them but only puts one in his mouth, leaning over to get a drink to wash it down. “I’ll take the other one in a little bit if I’m feeling okay,” he promises, and her glare softens.

“Take care of yourself today,” she says, and leans down to kiss his temple. “For me. Promise me you will.”

“I promise,” he says, and catches her hand. “Thanks,” he adds, after a moment, “for being here.”

She smiles and squeezes his fingers. “I better head out,” she says. “Hang in there, Phil.”

“Take my umbrella,” he calls as she goes to put on her jacket. “It’s gonna rain tonight.”

“Oh, is it?” she says lightly. “You’ll have to keep me updated after you take a look at the charts.”

“Are you doubting me?” he asks, mock-offended. “I’ll have you know -“

“I’m sure your predictions are plenty accurate,” she says, pulling on her coat. “You’ve only been really wrong, like, once this year, right?”

“Oh, shut up,” he grumbles. “Get out of here, don’t be late on my account!”

“Wasn’t planning on it,” she says lightly, and waves as she steps out the door.

He sets up his laptop on the coffee table and sits down on the floor, the quilt wrapped around his shoulders and the blanket over his legs, leaning back against the couch. It’s not as comfortable as being on the couch, but it’s probably better than keeping his computer on his lap when he might start throwing up again any time. He pulls the trash can over next to him so he won’t have to scramble for it if - or, well, probably when - he does get sick.

Rita hasn’t actually emailed him yet, so he decides he ought to put on a movie until she does. After a few minutes of deliberation, he settles on Star Wars and gets up to put the first one in. He’d rather watch A New Hope, but he’s going to be working, and that’s an experience he wants to savor, seeing as he hasn’t seen it since before Punxsutawney, two months and God only knows how many days ago. He’ll save the best ones for after his work day is over.

He leans back against the couch and sips his Gatorade while he watches the opening without actually reading any of it, his vision half in focus except for when he glances at the computer to see if Rita’s actually sent him his work yet. His head is feeling cloudy again, but the ibuprofen should help when it kicks in, at least to ease the dull ache in his temples and cool the flush he can feel across his face.

His phone chirps next to him, and he frowns, blinking stupidly at it for a moment before he manages to actually pick it up. It’s Rita, which makes him glad at first until he gets his eyes to focus enough to read the message. Lovely Rita: pretty sure you promised me a picture of the thermometer?? He groans and rolls his eyes, stumbling to his feet to get it from the bathroom. He hadn’t figured she would actually make him follow through on that. Hold on, he texts her, shoving it under his tongue and slouching back to the living room to sit back down. Phil: So are you going to send me my work stuff after this or Lovely Rita: pics first He takes one of himself making a face at her and sends it back. Lovely Rita: very funny phil. The thermometer beeps and he grimaces as he checks it and sees a reading of 102. That’s worse than he thought. He takes a picture of it for Rita and tosses it on the table. Phil: Happy now? Lovely Rita: oh :( Lovely Rita: are you sure you’re up for working? Phil: Yeah I’m fine Phil: I only took the ibuprofen like half an hour ago it’ll go down more in a bit Phil: Anyways if I don’t have something else to do aside from watch the phantom fucking menace I’m gonna lose my goddamn mind Lovely Rita: okay if you say so Lovely Rita: give me your password so I can get everything for you Lovely Rita: and tell me what you need me to send you I don’t know what you’re looking for He texts her the password and a list of the files he needs and where to find them, and then leans back against the couch, dropping his phone on the floor. He really should take the other ibuprofen, he thinks, just to help get his temperature down. He’ll do it when she actually sends him the email, he decides, and goes back to staring blankly at Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor fighting droids.

He holds his focus for a while, but his headache, if anything, gets worse as he works, and after an hour and a half he’s starting to feel queasy again as well. He groans and pushes his laptop away, leaning back against the cushions and closing his eyes. If he rests for a few minutes he ought to feel better.

He hears the unpleasant sound his stomach makes, and grits his teeth, willing himself to keep his breakfast down. He can taste acid in the back of his mouth and swallows hard. He’d been fine ten minutes ago, for God’s sake.

His stomach turns over again and he covers his mouth with the back of one hand. He burps a little and the chalky, bitter taste of the painkiller hits his tongue, making him gag; he grabs the trash can and pulls it into his lap before he retches and vomits, coughing up a watery stream of undissolved medicine and acid and sports drink.

“Oh, Lord,” he mutters, screwing his eyes shut and trying to catch his breath. He heaves again and ducks his head as another mouthful of liquid forces its way back up his throat. His eyes and nose are burning, and he’s getting chills again, tremors wracking his body in between another few rounds of throwing up all the Gatorade he’s had to drink this morning.

Maybe he should take a break, he thinks, hunching his shoulders as he leans over the garbage, waiting for his stomach to settle. It makes him feel a little guilty, wanting to give up so soon, but his head is so cloudy he’s not sure he can read his computer screen, let alone actually analyze anything he’s looking at. And really, he just wants to lay down. Maybe it’ll help with the nausea, even just a little.

He groans and leans over to close his laptop, setting the trash can aside. The sound of liquid sloshing in the liner makes him gag again, but he just coughs and dry heaves a little before it passes. Wrapping the quilt and blanket around himself, he crawls back onto the couch and curls up on his side, closing his eyes. When the room stops spinning he’ll feel better.

He’s half asleep when Rita texts him again, and groans as he pushes himself up on his elbows to lean over and grab his phone from the table. Lovely Rita: hey how are you doing? Lovely Rita: update pls Phil: Well I could be fucking better. Lovely Rita: :/ Phil: Sorry, that wasn’t nice Phil: I took the other ibuprofen but it made me sick Lovely Rita: oh no hon :( Phil: So I’m laying down since I puked like eight times in a row Phil: Also, throwing up painkillers is the worst. Lovely Rita: hang in there, ok? ily She signs her message with a heart, which makes him smile in spite of himself. Thanks, he sends back, and closes his eyes again.

He feels a little better in the afternoon, enough to eat some applesauce and saltine crackers and take another ibuprofen at least, and he manages another few hours of work without giving himself a headache or having to stop and spend ten minutes bent over the trash can spewing his guts out again. Around two he takes a break to rest his eyes and text Rita again.

Phil: Hey Phil: Guess who had lunch and didn't even bring it up an hour later Lovely Rita: yay! Lovely Rita: proud of you babe Phil: You're making fun of me aren't you Lovely Rita: no! i am proud Lovely Rita: it sounds like you're doing a little better! :) Phil: Yeah, a little bit, I think.

He gets back to work, and only stops when he gets an email a little after three marked as urgent. He quickly pulls it up, frowning. It’s from Rita, sent with the subject line “Important Communication ATTN: Phil Connors,” and he hurries to open it.

The first thing in it is a link to the station’s Facebook page. He squints, looking past it to the body of the message.

Wishing Mr Connors a quick recovery from Cranberry! Love, Tina, Joe, Matt, and Marcus. 

Sending healing thoughts for our favorite weatherman! - the Andersons. 

Stay warm and get lots of rest so you can be back in good health, Phil! 

Hope there’s better weather soon for Phil! 

Dear Phil, my daughter Penny (6) wants you to know she hopes your mom will make you some soup to help you feel better and that you have lots of good books to read while you’re in bed. Hang in there! - Mandy C

He doesn’t realize he’s tearing up until his vision starts to blur, and blinks quickly, shaking his head as he grabs his phone to text Rita.

Phil: This isn’t really urgent you know Lovely Rita: i dont know what you’re talking about Phil: Yes you do. Lovely Rita: correspondence from viewers is very important Phil: I would have seen it when I come back in tomorrow. Phil: Anyways I know you’re trying to guilt me into resting more so cut that out. Lovely Rita: well I can’t help but notice you saw your urgent email pretty fast Lovely Rita: since you were sitting at your computer probably giving yourself a headache trying to do math Phil: It’s more physics than it is math Lovely Rita: not the point, phil :/ Lovely Rita: get some rest and watch star wars we’ve got your workload handled Lovely Rita: and the more you strain yourself the longer it’ll take to get better

He scowls at his phone and sets it aside, looking back at the email. The list of messages goes on, more notices from Facebook and emails sent to his work address and mentions on Twitter, all wishing him well. There have to be at least a hundred of them - Rita must have been putting them together all day to send him this.

Despite himself, he smiles as he reads them, drying his eyes and cheeks with the corner of the quilt when he catches himself starting to cry a little. Even if he knows she only did it to make him feel bad for not resting, he’s a little grateful to Rita for passing on the messages. It’s a nice reminder that even near strangers seem to like him even better now.

Maybe, he decides, it wouldn’t be so bad to send in what he's done so far and take it easy for the rest of the day.

#groundhog day #groundhog day the musical #Phil Connors #Rita Hanson #phil x rita #willwrites #this chapter is so long rip #emetophobia warning

[mrs-iruka]

Is It Too Much To Ask?

So my pal @cafephan on tumblr put a post out asking:

"formal request: someone pls write a really really good songfic to too much to ask

I need it."

So I have risen to the challenge and pray to God that she now likes this! Also, go and give Kirsten a follow on tumblr(@cafephan) and here on A03(same name as tumblr), she's is an amazing person and writer <333

Also a massive shoutout to my friend Blue on tumblr ( @butterflyphil. Give her a follow just cos she's amazing!) for giving me some pointers, and for acting as beta on this fic. ilysm <333 follow Blue here too: BlueberryPhancakes.

----

It's been three months which Dan has had to adjust to life. Three months since Phan was no more. Tonight is the first time Dan is seeing Phil since the week after they split...

[LINK TO A03]

It's been three months since they've last seen each other.

Dan receives a text saying his car is outside waiting for him. He takes a deep breath, checks his appearance in the mirror, nervously flicks his hair around, and straightens his black tie unnecessarily. He buttons his black suit jacket and heads towards the door.

On the journey over, the uber driver attempts to make small talk, but Dan just lets it wash over him; right now, he can't speak for fear of vomiting. He knows that certain members of the press will be there tonight, those who very publicly plastered it all over social media that he and Phil had split - how they found out, he still had no clue. Now, tonight, he is going to have to answer the questions that are about to be thrown his way.

It's been three months which Dan has had to adjust to life. Three months since Phan was no more. Tonight is the first time Dan is seeing Phil since the week after they split, when Phil had come by to collect the last of his stuff from their flat. Tonight is the first social engagement to which they'd both been invited, and yes, Dan is highly emotionally charged, as well as scared stiff that he'll have a breakdown and embarrass himself. He hates that life has made him a needy little shit, and that was part of the problem, just one of the many reasons why they'd split up in the first place. Now, tonight, he has to face his fear and put in an appearance at the movie premiere he's been invited to see.

He pulls up at the cinema in Leicester Square, thanks the driver in a tight voice, steps out of the car onto the red carpet, and forces a fake smile onto his face. He's greeted by fans screaming his name and flashes from mobile phones as they take pictures. His fans have been his only source of comfort these past months; without them, and their love and support, he often wonders what he'd have become. He waves and calls hellos to those who have turned out, even stops to sign a few autographs and take a selfie or two. He's finding it hard to hold it together, he can see the questions in his fan's eyes, but no one is brave enough to ask him outright about what happened between him and Phil; for which he is relieved. Though that relief doesn't last long before a journalist is up in his face asking him questions. Dan politely but firmly declines to answer; he'll address this when he's good and ready, not before.

Minutes later, Dan finds himself stiffening. He'd been chatting to one of his youtuber pals when they'd pointed out that Phil had just arrived. Dan slowly turns his head in the direction of the road and sees Phil looking rather sharp in his suit, and the breath is knocked from his body. Phil looks absolutely radiant in this light, almost ethereal. Dan's eyes start to prick with tears as he watches Phil's every move, that smile that could light up the sun is being conveyed to everyone but Dan. Dan slowly makes his way inside, and boy, does he feel rough.

The movie is now over, and it's time for the after party. Dan couldn't really concentrate on the movie, but he goes through the motions of congratulating the stars of the movie for a job well done before finding himself a quiet corner so he can try to breathe again. Tonight has taken its toll on him.

Why's it only you I'm thinking of?

As the night proceeds, Dan tries to find the courage to go and speak to Phil. But his heart and mind are having an internal battle with each other. His mind is screaming at him to just go and do it, but his heart is telling him to just stay away, it’ll only hurt more. Eventually, though, Phil makes his way over to Dan. They eye each other for a moment, and it seems neither of them can speak, until Phil does.

"You look good, Dan."

Dan whispers a thank you. He wants to hug Phil so damn tightly, but he doesn't. He holds himself in check. As a waiter appears, a single glass of champagne upon the tray he's carrying, both Dan and Phil go to grab the delicate crystal flute, fingers colliding and quickly withdrawn feeling as if they've been burnt. A round of fake laughter and many back and forths take place before Dan gives way and takes the damn drink. Phil is attempting to make small talk, which he knows Dan hates, but neither wants to acknowledge there are things they still need to talk about. Dan's mind is a raging torrent.

Tell me there are things that you regret.

As the night goes on, Dan finds a quiet spot away from the throng of the party. He's not sure how much more his heart can take tonight. He's done nothing but torture himself all night. Instead of trying to ignore Phil, he's watched him like a hawk, and he feels emotionally wrecked. Why must his mind betray him like this? He'd resolved to not do this to himself, but as usual, his resolve didn't last long. He just wishes the night was over, he feels so very cold and alone right now, and his chest hurts. He's not used to being alone at these sorts of things yet. It was always himself and Phil against the world, but now, now, it's just Dan. A small part of him dies in that room that night.

Do you still think of me sometimes?

At long last Dan can leave to go home. It's been an appropriate amount of time since the party started. He lets the right people know that he's leaving and does his best to avoid Phil. He can't take having to say goodbye again, he feels he might just break. But his luck has run out; outside on the kerb, Phil is also waiting for his ride home. Dan desperately wants to find a place to hide, but the square is still too brightly lit. So he decides to hover behind Phil and not make his presence known.

The funny thing about Phil was he always knew when Dan was there, and tonight is no exception. Phil looks over his shoulder and gives Dan a small smile. Dan's heart stutters in his chest, and his breaths come in short, sharp bursts. Oh how Dan remembers that little smile, and how it would make him smile, but now, that smile is like poison. Neither say a word, and then Phil is gone again.

Don't it feel fucked up we're not in love.

Once Dan is home and locked away from the world, he finally allows the emotions he's been feeling all night to overspill. His heart breaks all over again as he strips himself from the now crumpled suit he's wearing and throws himself down on the bed, gripping his pillow tightly as sobs rip loudly from his chest and throat. He grabs the framed photo that he kept of himself and Phil and stares at it through a sheen of tears; he remembers the day it was taken, they were sat together on a part of the beach outside their rented villa in the South of France.

It's hurt him so much to see Phil tonight, to see him looking happier without Dan, he wishes he could go back and fix what went wrong, but you can't fix things if the other person doesn't want to fix them. The words slung at Dan often come back to haunt him, 'bored,' 'stagnant, 'you're getting more clingy, the older you get,' 'I feel suffocated,' 'I can't do this anymore.' Dan knows why their love broke and crumbled away, it was all his fault, but at the same time, Phil hadn't given him a chance to change. But maybe if he'd changed, Phil wouldn't have loved him still, for he wouldn't have been the person Phil fell in love with in the first place. All Dan ever wanted was to love and be loved in return.

Is that too much to ask?

#phanfic #phanfiction #dan and phil #angst #breakup #niall horan's new song #too much to ask #gift fic #cafephan