#Loki telling this to one of the Avengers when they get judgy over Loki and Jack being a pirates | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maladaptive-ninja-returns · 4 years

Text

It’s The Avengers (03x01)

Loki x Reader Avengers The Office AU (Slowwwwww Burn)

Season 3 Episode 01: Noobs Everywhere

Season Premier

Warnings: it is teary floofy

Word Count: life happens. Sometimes it caresess you sometimes it smack you right in the cheek. Other times it brings you together with old friends other times it makes you cry for realising how much you missed writing this stupid and adorable fanfic after days and days of nothing productive. Life happens and Gods I wish it picks me up and throws me on another continent

MASTERLIST in bio, darlings. Tags are open (check bio)

An effective silence eroded through the Avengers Compound. The entrance, all glass with flowers on the centre table that you and Scott had arranged- to add some colour- stood eerily quiet. The hall fit for balls and Stark's famous parties only reverberated with the single beep when Friday made her 'rounds' in there. The library did smell of old books but the silence was not one that was comfortable. The lounge, where everything happened in the Avengers' daily life, was disturbingly still, your favourite mug with tea now ran cold, the kitchenette seemed to have been left in a hurry. The hallway to the Dorms didn't have anyone. Room after room seemed empty. Loki's door was half-open, showing everything in place, neatly arranged. Next was yours, unkempt, disordered, but with every bead of the essence of you. It was empty too. Except for a very scared and whining Zuko coming out of under a blanket while sniffing it, looking around, searching for something before walking out, sniffing his way across the lounge. He whined as he walked past the rooms towards Banner's lab, his cries increasing twofold on seeing a familiar face.

"Hey, little guy."

The camera shifted to show Natasha carefully tuck something inside a brown paper bag and pick up the little chocolate boy, stroking his fur to calm the agitated soul down as she went back to watching Bruce contain the Pandora's box with Scott's help while Clint scanned the lab, Sam and Bucky watched the lab's recording and Steve sat next to Tony on the floor in one corner.

"You okay?" The captain whispered at Tony, who sat with his head supported on his knuckles, his eyes shut, his breaths long and heavy.

When Steve didn't get an answer from him, he turned to Bruce. "Got anything?"

A hiss marked the shutting down of the containment chamber, allowing Bruce and Scott to remove their safety goggles. "I'm not able to get any readings on this thing. It's like it blew it's own fuse when these guys were sucked in."

The camera caught tension ripple through the exposed muscles on Tony's arm at Bruce's words. Maybe Steve noticed it too because he turned back towards Tony and kept his hand on his shoulder, trying to make him feel alright in his way.

Familiar footsteps approached from outside the lab, forcing the camera to turn and face the door, capturing Wanda and Vision's entrance in time; both of them breathless.

"I tried picking up their essence," Wanda announced breathless, her eyes searching the room till they landed on those hopeful brown eyes in the corner, her face crumbling into an apology, "I'm sorry. I couldn't find anything."

"Me neither," Vision added softly, visibly disappointed in himself. "Wherever they were sent, it's not in this galaxy."

A broken sigh left Tony's lungs, his eyes closing way too tightly. Everyone in the room could feel the restraint through the helplessness Tony was feeling right now. But no one knew how to help him. The only way was to find out how to bring her back. But the one person who knew how was also the one lost with her.

"Loki knew how to work that-that...thing," Bruce declared softly into the cold air.

"I'm sure we can work it too," Steve asserted, getting up to address everyone, "we don't have any other choice right now. And even if we do, leaving them stranded in space is not one of them. Come on, Tony."

He brought forward his hand for his friend to help him get up.

"No."

Silence.

"Tony," Steve pressed his name as a question.

"I can't. Let Bruce do it."

"Wh-"

"She's stranded somewhere because of me, Steve. I cannot risk putting her in any more danger."

"Tony, what are you talking about? We need you. Your daughter needs you."

"Friday, give Dr Banner all the assistance he needs."

"Tony wha-"

"She called me 'Dad'!"

His words seemed to vibrate throughout the building, silencing everything all at once.

"The first time she called me dad and I was opening a f****ng door to some unknown hell for her!"

Steve wanted to shake Tony to his senses but all he could do was rub his hands on his face.

"You're right, you sent her through a freaking portal."

Everyone turned to look at the audacity of Scott Lang to be speaking Tony's language right now. "But that was only because she tried to save your stubborn ass from being swallowed by it. So, stop being such a dick, get up and find your daughter and thank her for saving your life."

Natasha looked at the camera with a slight shake of her head, as confused as everyone else in the room.

Tony too had his brows furrowed for a second before he got up and turned to look at Scott- who had not budged from where he stood, behind the worktable.

"I'm only tolerating this crap from you because you are her favourite," Tony stated, "otherwise I would've punched the lights out of you by now."

Scott shrugged. "Mm...no, you wouldn't. Because you know I'm not lying. And you're just scared of hearing her call you 'dad' all of a sudden. Not to mention I already have my hand on my suit so that I can run away before you can think about stepping towards me."

Tony: *twists his lips in an unwanted thought* I hate that I like this guy.

Tony sighed. "I can't even imagine what she must be going through right now."

On a Planet in some Galaxy far far Away...

"So, let me get this straight-"

The camera tried to bring back its focus, the big blurry spot reducing to a sharp image of you standing with your arms crossed- one hand out in the air, trying to make sense of something- confusion filling up till your forehead as you tried to close your eyes and gather your thoughts.

"-you guys, all three thousand and forty-eight of you, planned on invading earth?"

There was a questionable nod from the leader- who looked at the army for confirmation.

"And you were trying to do so because you heard my friend...this guy? Loki? Saying that? Well, declaring that?"

The leader- who had seemed very intimidating fifteen minutes ago- mumbled something under his breath. "Yeah, we thought so."

"Uh-huh, and that happened on a gaming server on which you all were playing a couple of weeks ago. Am I right?"

The leader nodded again.

"So..." You took your time, breathing in, trying to form a question that would deliver that very final blow, "you wanted to invade planet X-78 knowing full well that the game had a planet by the same name, never ever confirming it with this guy over here?"

The army, blank for a moment, now looked at each other in combined confusion.

It started as a snicker, which turned into a giggle that was followed by a cackle that could be heard for miles.

Through the shrill thunder of laughter fit, the camera panned out to focus on Loki standing just two steps away from the device, working on borrowed equipment from the wolf army. He couldn't help but roll his eyes and look straight into the camera when the volume of your laughter did not go down even a single digit.

"She's never going to let me forget this, is she?" Loki asked the camera, sighing with just a hint of fear before looking at the endless expanse of desert around him.

The cackle still continued behind him.

"Oh-oh my Gods," you tried to catch hold of your hurting stomach as you took the support of the nearest rock, "I never realised I was playing with such noobs!"

There was a murmur in the army at the word 'noob', like a little gossip gasp going around before the leader feared the rumour and made an effort to stand straight in front of you.

"Noob? Who are you calling a noob, WarriorZ94? Last I checked you were still learning to use the Goliath Weapons!" He thundered.

You tilted your head at him, still not leaving the support of that one hide sturdy rock by your side. "Last I checked you were trying to run away screaming from a glitter bomb?"

An 'oh snap' wave passed through the army, earning you various nods.

Soldier 1: Isn't she the same girl who kicked our boss' ass when we were in opposite teams?

Soldier 2: *nods* yup! She's the one!

Both soldiers: *raising their index finger and making it touch the other's while facing the camera*

*camera turns to capture your unpleasant emotions over your face while Loki stands next to you with his arms crossed, a little tired but nothing near to the emotional outbreak you're feeling*

You: *whisper* What the fu-

Loki: *inhales* that's their...fistbump

You: *raise your brows* *whisper* oh...*raises voice to normal* Ohh!!

Loki: *looking at you with judgy eyes* you and your rotten mind

"Fine!" The boss finally admitted. "So you mean to tell us there was no real invasion taking place?!!!"

You placed your fingers on your lips, trying to contain that unexplainable rage inside you, taking your time to breathe through the catastrophe before opening your mouth to answer him. "H-how were you planning on invading earth, if I may ask?"

Silence.

Complete, unexplainable, eerie silence.

"I...I uhh...I was counting on our leader, Master Loki to guide us there."

Loki: *still working on borrowed equipment to help him get Stark's cuffs off*

*In his background you cackled once again, this time trying to hold on to your stomach as you lay with your back on the ground*

*The camera periodically catching your cries and wails of 'Master Loki!! Save them!!', 'Maaaaster Loki!!! Your army's waiting, Maaaaster Loki!!!!' while Loki eventually closes his eyes and sighs in defeat*

Loki: £-©¥ ™€ |π ∆¢€ @$$

Soldiers standing next to him: *stand muted in shocked horror*

Loki came back to you wiping away your tears of hilarity as you sat in the warm sand. "I can't get these cursed cuffs off."

You looked at the cuffs and then at Loki. "Okay?"

The God raised his good brow at you. "You do realise we cannot transport back to earth because I can't use magic."

You scrunched up your nose while looking at him, a warm breeze blowing between you and the army patiently watching everything unfold. "Oh...okay."

Loki blinked. He opened his mouth to say something before finding himself scrunching his nose, less of words and much less of the sanity leaving him slowly on this new planet. "Wha-what do you mean 'okay'? We are stranded here with no possible means of getting back. Unless your father and Banner figure something out!"

Loki watched you lean back on your elbows, closing your eyes as if soaking up the nearest star. "Tsk. Relax. Hey wolf-gang! You guys have something to eat? Drink? Some form of transport?"

The boss stepped forward and came to sit next to you. "We only have rations for the army. Desert lizards and sand roaches. To drink we have the juices extracted from the finest rattlesnakes. What would you like to have first?"

"Pass," you and Loki announced in unison, your faces giving away nausea you were feeling on hearing the menu.

"There is a town just a few hog-steps from here. You will find some sort of transport to other planets. But I must warn you, there are all types of creatures that roam in that town. If I were you, I would be extra careful about your waifu here. Some creatures like to play with exotic things just for the sake of it."

A thwack echoed through the air before the camera captured you hitting the chief with his own stick. "Call me waifu one more time and it'll be this stick and your balls next," you hissed through your teeth. "Anyone else interested in calling me by that name!" You shouted to the rest of the army, getting scared head shakes. Loki turned towards the camera.

Loki: Sometimes she is quite annoying. And other times she becomes a feisty animal who would rip your throat out if you give her one excuse. *smirks and then tries to hide it* what? I'm not excited! What makes you think that. *smirks slightly* *gulps*

"Come on," you stated in Loki's direction while getting up and patting the sand off your jeans, "let's go find that town."

The Cursed Lab

"The frequencies?"

"No."

"Okay, how about those wavelengths that-"

"Already calculated. Nothing. We need a signal from their end to lock in. Otherwise, it's all for nothing."

"Someone contact Danvers!"

"Already did. Give it another hour or two and she'll respond."

"Anything else we can do right now?!"

"How about we breathe."

Everyone turned to watch Pepper stand at the entrance of the lab with a power pose, looking directly at Tony.

The camera recorded a slight change in energy as everyone seemed to slowly and quietly step back as she walked towards her husband all the while caressing her baby bump.

"Pepper, not now," Tony whined as he slumped into the chair and rubbed his tired eyes. "I need to find her."

"I know," she interjected, stopping beside him to run her fingers through his hair, "but you need your full strength to do that. And right now you need to sleep. Nothing will happen to her for a few hours. She's got Loki by her side."

Tony mocked a laugh, leaning back in his chair. "You think that's something to be relieved about?"

"Tony," Pepper sweetly scolded him, "my gut says he'll keep her safe. Just like it says she is fine right now. Come on. You get some rest."

Tony sighed, looked around at the faces urging him to go get some shut-eye.

"Fine," he agreed, "don't touch my things. I'll be out on the lounge sofa. I'll know if you do."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

The moment Tony walked out the door, Pepper clasped her hands together. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's find her."

Bruce blinked. Natasha smiled. Clint groaned. Sam and Bucky sat in one corner looking at Pandora's box with a glowering gaze.

"You think we can break it just by looking at it?"

Sam absorbed Bucky's words before inhaling a lungful. "I think cursing at it might do some extra damage."

Bucky silently agreed before both of them slid their chairs across the floor towards the glass that was keeping the box away from any human contact. As they went out of frame, a very concerned Scott's face came into view, who seemed concerned about those two.

"We've tried everything Pepper. There isn't much left to do," Bruce politely explained the situation to Tony's better half.

Pepper raised her brows. "Oh, yes. I know. That's why I called him in and I think he has something that might help."

The camera- along with everyone else- turned to watch a breathless, bloodshot-eyes Peter entering the lab. "I came as soon as I found out," he declared through his short breaths. "I think I may have something."

Without another word, he slow jogged towards Bruce's worktable to throw the contents of his bag on it. Out of all the electronics, he picked out three thin black boxes in different sizes and handed them over to Bruce. "All the cameras have these."

"What's that?" Steve asked, looking over Peter's shoulder.

"Wait, is that-"

"Yeah," Peter answered to Scott's half-sentence.

"Holy crap! HOLY CRAP!" Scott couldn't contain it.

"Who did th-did you do this, Peter?" Bruce looked up from his glasses.

"Me and Scott. We were worried the last time this had happened. Scott was terrified of losing Cassie again like that. So, we came up with a way to make the cameras wireless."

Suddenly the confusion resting on Steve's face eroded as knowledge dawned upon him. "So, you made special emitters for the cameras. They'll be sending live feed on a particular frequency logged in the memory and you'll try to catch it from here. Provided the transmitters survived the jump and there aren't any jumpers in space that might try to damage or hinder with the original signal. We should be able to get live footage if Javier is recording that is, but it would be with a few hours of delay depending on how much time it takes to travel from their jump point to earth."

Silence.

Steve looked around at the shocked faces, a little confused. "What."

One Hour Later

A crackling sound gave way to distorted colours before there was a clear image of desert running for miles with the weirdest shaped at non-periodic distances.

"Friday," Natasha called for the AI, her eyes never once wavering from what she was seeing, "run the feed in the lounge."

Everyone rushed out of the lab to the lounge, finding Tony and Thor already standing away from his sofa as he watched an unsteady recording of two people walking through that very desert.

"Something's wrong," the taller of the two suggested.

"What? What's wrong?" The smaller one asked.

"You," he said.

The smaller one turned and the camera showed your side profile, bringing with your face reveal and sigh of relief in the lounge- the biggest one coming from Tony's lungs.

"Nothing's wrong with me," you stressed with a shrug and kept walking.

Loki, on the other hand, stopped. "By the Norns," he observed, not taking his eyes off you, "you don't want to go back."

Now this made you stop walking. "Whaaat? Of, course I want to go back."

"..."

"Like you said, we don't have a way to get back. So, let's find one. At a... moderate pace."

Loki crossed his arms and looked down at you. You too stood there with a determined face.

For the next ten seconds.

"Alright. FINE! I want to go back! Of course, I want to! It's just that I'm-I'm-"

"Scared." Loki completed your sentence for you.

Everyone watching the feed shifted their weight on their legs but no one dare spoke.

Zuko- still in Natasha's arms- whined when he saw you on the big screen.

"Yes," you muttered, your shoulders loosening a little while your hands tried to rub the embarrassment off your face.

"You do realise that it was your own father whom you called 'dad'," Loki was kind enough to remind you, making you groan inside your hands. Over here, Tony grabbed his shirt by the fabric on his chest, not knowing what else to do.

"I knowww," you groaned again. "That's what I'm scared of. I was trying to get him out of harm's way and accidentally called him 'dad'. And once I did I felt it in my bones to keep calling him dad, Loki. Do you understand that?"

"Then what's the problem?"

"What if he's not ready?! I know he was the one who brought me here. By here I mean home. Our home. What if he thinks he made a mistake?! What if I'm just a burden that he has to hide in some corner so that the world doesn't know his shame? I am scared of the fact that I finally have a father that I love to pieces and I would lose him the moment I try to walk towards that reality."

You were in tears by now. What your worried heart didn't know was that so was Tony. And nearly everyone else.

"What if I never was supposed to be part of their li-"

Tiny gasps and clasped mouths tried to contain the unexplainable jump they felt as Loki grabbed you and brought you to his chest, enclosing you in his arms, almost absorbing you into him with the intensity of a thousand glowing stars. "You really are an idiot."

"Loki-" you muffled in his chest.

"Tony loves you more than you can imagine. Every one of them does. You would truly be an insolent fool to doubt that for even one second. Do you hear me, woman? They are your home because they are the warmth you need in your life. You are scared because you have not known this kind of love before. Hold on to it. Okay?"

You nodded into his chest.

"Loki?"

"Hmm?"

"I think I ruined your shirt."

"Don't worry. Your father will get me new ones."

Tony chuckled, pursing his lips before sniffing. "She's fine," he declared to the room. "She's okay." Cleaning his throat, he walked towards the lab.

Everyone watched him go and just when they were glad that everything was okay there was a loud sniffling sound that interrupted the mushy feelings of the room.

Thor stood there inhaling and exhaling while trying his best to paste a smile on that disturbed face. "I'm fine," he said more for himself than for others before his voice broke, "I'm completely fine."

When everyone dispersed, Scott found himself hugging Peter and telling him how proud he was of him for having found a way to watch over you and Loki.

“Oh, by the way, Y/N.” Scott and Loki heard in the background as they each grabbed a bottle of water to quench their dehydrated souls.

“Hm?”

“What’s a waifu?”

Scott choked on his water while Peter spat his out.

Later That Night

"Yeah, you hear that? He's going to find your babies and make them pay for what you did to our friend."

"And he's going to break down your good for nothing body and mould them into tiny pellets to use for target practice."

"Hell yeah."

Crack.

Bucky and Sam bent a little towards the glass to watch the little crack that just appeared on the Pandora's box.

"Did...did we just do that?" Bucky asked in a whisper.

"I think so," Sam whispered back.

Both of them fist-bumped.

"Yeah, ya see that? That's what you get for messin' up with our fam."

"Try this again and I'll burn you in the worst fire you've ever felt."

"Which one?"

"Your farts after you have tacos."

"Oooh yes! That's true. My boy knows. He knows."

"You better watch out."

Silence.

"I'm hungry," Sam finally blurted.

"Wanna get tacos?"

"You know I do."

123 notes · View notes