#Liz can have more intrusive thoughts | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

saltygilmores · 6 months

Text

THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS: SEASON 3, EPISODE 3-“Application Anxiety"

I'm once again going to need my mutuals to tell me if they see this on their dashboard. It occured to me that I'd suddenly experienced a massive memory black-out about what happens in S3 between episode 3 and up to the Dance Marathon. And I fancy myself pretty knowledgable about season 3. In addition to Francie and her squad, I'm assuming that the truly insane number of new characters that are intoduced in s3-Alex, Nicole, Lindsay, Dave Rygalski and the other members of Hep Alien and probably more I'm forgetting- may all be introduced in this span of time? It's going to be a jam packed roller coaster ride of new people. Soo jammy. Oh god, and I just remembered LIZ. Does she make her debut in season 3 or 4? I don't know. I fear it may be season 3. Have mercy on poor Salty. I'm scared. Fun fact: I was on YouTube recently, and rediscovered an early 2000's MTV cartoon called 3South, a truly absurd work of art about a pair of idiot college students. This is the type of stuff I was watching while the rest of the Youth at the time were watching...Gilmore Girls. Anyway I heard an an unmistakable voice and realized it was none other than Kathleen Wilhoite (Liz Danes) playing.... a raging alcoholic who frequently gets run over by cars.

This episode is called "Application Anxiety". The Netflix synopsis hints at the introduction of the fandom's fave, and also the favorite snack of the Male Gilmore Girls Character California Wormhole, Rygalski. Other than that, mayhaps we have a sort of filler episode on our hands here. I can remember the events of most S3 episodes by their title, but this one isn't ringing any bells, besides the fact that Rory and Paris must, uh, be anxious about college applications. I call anything "filler" that doesn't involve a lot of man or boy drama. The episode opens with Lorelai and Rory snarking on some more corny entertainment from the days of yore, this time some kind of Brady Bunch variety hour. Fine. It's at least more fun and modern than "Shane" and Andy Hardy, it's recognizable to the masses watching GG, it's in color, and they're having fun watching it. Two...no, three...no FOUR observations:

1.Lorelai keeps a picture of Sookie and Jackson on her living room end table 2. The mailman, Eddie, walks through their open door and directly into their home without knocking or announcing himself to deliver the mail. Rory and Lorelai don't blink at the intrusion. Eddie looks like a catch, Lorelai. Steady government job. Enjoys sticking his package into slots. Has no respect for privacy or personal boundaries. You love that shit. Go for it. 3.Clown Pillow. 4.Lorelai's shirt. CUUTE.

I let my guard down for mere seconds.

"Holmes & Yoyo is an American comedy television series that aired on ABC for 13 episodes during the 1976-1977 season. The series follows police detective Holmes and his new android partner, Yoyo, on their misadventures investigating crimes." You have GOT to be fucking kidding me, AmyShermanPalladino. At least I've heard of HeeHaw.

Rory looks like a scared little mouse holding her Harvard application. Rory references a book she's been reading called Dead Souls. I looked it up. "Dead Souls is a novel by Nikolai Gogol, first published in 1842, and widely regarded as an exemplar of 19th-century Russian literature. The novel chronicles the travels and adventures of Pavel Ivanovich Chichikov (Russian: Павел Иванович Чичиков) and the people whom he encounters. These people typify the Russian middle aristocracy of the time." Some light reading right there. When I tell you Lorelai (not Rory) nearly has an orgasm holding the Harvard envelope (it's not Rory's acceptance/rejection letter, it's just the application itself). She needs to get laid by someone who isn't Crusty. #AlexAlexAlex A moment later Rory and Lorelai are in the kitchen going over the application. Lane suddenly barges into the kitchen out of nowhere, states her dilemma in under a minute, then immediately exits. Bye? I feel like we haven't seen Lane in a while, but now we're going to get a lot of her this season. Lane is planting the seeds for Hep Alien and has placed a "Drummer seeks Rock Band" classified ad in the paper (how quaint). I just saw Adam Brody's name in the opening credits, so it's almost Rygalski Time. I like Dave, I really do. But I guess I just don't assign him the God- like status some people do. I only worship one deity and it's Jesstopher Mariano. And he's a fucking full time job.

Rory is drinking a can of Hansen's brand soda. The brand apparently still exists, although I have never seen it in the wild. I'm thinking Hansen's sponsored this show or something because this is all Rory ever drinks soda wise, including at the Chilton cafeteria, along with her favorite sandwich of two slices of white bread with nothing in between. And a better shot of Loreai's shirt. I want one.

Lorelai says this in reference to the application asking for Rory's picture (is that actually a thing?) Ladies and gentlemen, TWO Modern Entertainment references (the caption cut off Spongebob). Back on her home planet, AmyShermanPalladino must have just signed up for the ultra deluxe premium Earth cable package that included Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon. Welcome to the early 21st century. Straight off of Harvard's own website, from their archives, dated October 3rd, 1958: "The University will not require photographs from any applicants to the Medical School, the Law School, and the College this year. This decision was made in compliance with the Massachusetts Commision against Discrimination's December, 1957 ruling that all schools in the state must stop requesting pictures from applicants." Yes, since 1957 it has been literally illegal for colleges in Massachussets to ask for photos from applicants. Carry on.

Who's "they"? Luke knows Lorelai, and Dean Forrester's mom doesn't acknolwedge she has a son so she can't care if he drinks coffee. Where is the display stand of Doritos that used to be behind Luke? Is there a Dorito shortage in Stars Hollow? There is little else to make life in Stars Hollow worth living.

Dean's chores: Whacking off to pictures of Lorelai, hogging oxygen from more deserving people, stacking cans of corn at Doose's.

Rory doesn't know anything about jobs. Full time, part time, hand, blow...none of it.

Oh god. Not another negotiation! What is Rory going to agree to this time in exchange for Dean agreeing to a movie she wants to see?

Dean was actually paying attention to Rory when she discussed her plans for the weekend? That was a plot twist I never saw coming. Me keeping my little eye on Dean because he's acting a bit too nice right now

Rory informs Dean she is going to write her college essay about Hilary Clinton.

WHAT? DEAN IS BEING SUPPORTIVE? HE'S UP TO SOMETHING. At first I was going to put my money on Dean making a sexist remark about women in poltiics, then I thought he won't because he doesn't even know who Hillary Clinton is and he'll probably ask Rory, because he has melted crayons for brains, and I was right. Rory asks Dean if he's ever watched Hilary speak and we come to find he only knows who she is because of Rory's insistence that he watch her speeches.

I'll give you this one Deano. That sounds like literal hell on earth and I'm sorry you had to endure that. Even you don't deserve that. I hope Rory at least gave you some handjobs for that one (she didn't) Still a long 14 years away from the 2016 presidential election fiasco, Rory speaks of Ms Clinton's future in politics with sunny optimism. Nobody tell her. Dean tut tuts and shakes his head while Rory talks about Hilary but he appears to be listening and keeping his trap shut, so that's a first. Rory skips out the door without paying for her breakfast as per yoozh, leaving Dean to pick up the tab. Luke strolls by the table. L:She's fast. D: It's the coffee. L: Not your face? Hahahahahaha!! GET HIM LUKE! She has picked up a nice fear-sprint in the two years she's been dating Dean though. Making a quick exit is a vital survival skill when you're dating a serial killer psycopath. Luke looks out the window to see Taylor photographing the building in a suspicious manner. Cut to Chilton and Paris is having another nuclear panic-meltdown over the non-perfection of some school related mumbo jumbo. Rory and Paris are hosting a seminar at school about the college application process.

Both some college admissions reviewer dork attending the seminar and Paris agree that writing essays about Hilary Clinton is passe. Admissions Dork says reading so many essays about Hilary Clinton is making his head explode. Paris says nobody over the age of 12 would write about Hilary Clinton. IMMEDIATE rejection to Harvard if you write your essay about Hilary Clinton. If you write your essay about Hilary Clinton, some goons from Harvard will visit your home in the middle of the night and break your kneecaps. You're fucked, RoryGil. Things Googled While Watching Gilmore Girls Holmes and Yo Yo, Dead Souls, Do Colleges Require Photos with Applications. I was already well versed on Hansen's soda, because I'd already researched it in the days of yore (2020) when I wrote about GG on Twitter.

#gilmore girls #denise rewatches gilmore girls #application anxiety #rory gilmore #lorelai gilmore #paris geller #PariMore #chilton nonsense #gilmore girls season 3

15 notes · View notes

jojoblessed365 · 1 year

Text

The days fly by, and Jess and Rory have come to a point, where they’re almost ready to take their relationship into public. And by public, they mean their families, friends, and their workplace.

They have planned it meticulously- how they were going to go about it, and when and what must be done, in order.

And then it’s Parents Day. And that’s when things go to shit. With whatever Jess and Rory have been pulling for the last month and a half ever since the new semester started.

Here’s what exactly happens-

Everything goes smoothly- Rory meets the parents of her Lit classes; thankfully, the Goblin sisters (what Jess and Rory both have chosen to nickname them) and DJ don’t have class with her, so she gets a reprieve from having to dodge their intrusive questions (well, mostly the Goblin sister’s questions) and having to complain like a tween about her intrusive older sibling’s teasing, to their respective parents.

And so, during lunch, she decides to pay Jess a visit. She closes the office door, and knocks against the plywood. Jess looks up and upon seeing her, he smiles, unable to hold back and puts his pen down. “Hey, stranger,” he says, getting to his feet.

Rory snickers and takes a couple of steps into his office/workplace, the carpet muffling her footfalls as she faces him from the other side of his desk. “You look surprised to see me. Lose track of time?” she asks with crossed arms and a teasing smile.

Jess just shrugs as he makes his way over to her, making the flutter in her heart approaching hummingbird beat the closer he gets. “Maybe I’m just more dedicated than you, ever think of that? So much so that I can ignore all earthly distractions?”

“You telling me you’re a harder worker than I am?” Rory asks, eyebrow arched, a smirk dancing across her lips.

“You’re accusing me of this, after all the things I did for you last night.”

Rory sucks in a sharp breath at the rush of memory of just what he did to her, like a flipbook of erotic images being thumbed through in her mind. Her face heats up and Rory feels the beginnings of desire begin to pool low in her belly, all swooping and dizzying. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” Rory says, voice coy and oozing with apology, sounding way too breathy to her own ears. “Let me make it up to you.”

Jess stands just in front of her and she bites her lip to fight the wild grin that threatens to break out across her face. He’s close enough that she can feel the gentle warmth radiating from him and the air around her fills with the smell of him - the freshness of clean laundry and the sandalwood of his aftershave. It’s a smell that’s as addicting as it’s becoming familiar, a combination of scents Rory will forever associate with Jess Mariano.

Enjoy!!!

In the meantime, enjoy a snippet from tomorrow's chapter-

Jess sighs, ignoring the stab in his temple. “You know what? Hang on a second.” he covers the phone with his hand. “What are you doing May 11th, Friday night?” he asks impulsively.

Rory looks up from her Kindle. “Uh, nothing special, I think.” she furrows her brow. “Why?” she asks warily.

Jess uncovers the phone. “Actually, you know what, I do have a - I am bringing someone after all. So, you can just go ahead and seat me with a blank spot and put Crazy Carrie, I mean- Aunt Carrie’s niece somewhere else. Far away.”

“Alright hon, thanks.” Liz says, hanging up before Jess could say another word.

Jess puts his phone down and turns to Rory with wide, pleading eyes. “So,” he says as innocently as possible. “I need a favour.”

“What’s happening on May 11th?”

“Well, my mom and TJ are getting remarried.”

“I thought they were already married?”

“They were. And then they were separated for the last year. Emotionally, I mean. And now they're getting married again. They’re renewing their vows.”

“No kidding? A William Powell-Myrna Loy ‘I Love You Again’ premise in real life? You don't see that every day.”

“Liz wanted to set me up with her friend’s niece if I didn't bring a date. Her name is Olga. she’s into a cappella. If she tries to sing ‘Stayin Alive’, I might stab her in the throat with a cocktail fork. Please?” he sighs dramatically. “I don’t know Jess, I-”

“And besides, you’ll have to come either way. Might as well have me as your shield.” He says brightly, trying to sell it.

“Shouldn’t it not be the other way around?” she asks, but Jess looks at her, and she sighs, giving in. she noncommittedly shrugs. “I'll go. If only to prevent the bloodshed.”

“Okay, then,” he says, surprised at how little begging it had taken. At first, he feels relief at the fact that he'd dodged Liz’s torturous setup as well as her attempt to take the reins of his currently non-existent love life. But then he realizes that bringing Rory to the wedding meant... bringing Rory to the wedding.

#jess x rory #jess mariano #rory gilmore #literati #literati fic #jess and doula #doula danes #gilmore girls #teach me tonight #wedding bell blues #a tisket a tasket #rory x jess

2 notes · View notes

frogandcloud · 2 years

Text

chocolate and blood

10.4.22 12:14pm

1 4 2 spaces between the date and time | matches with the date

Chocolate and Blood

I flossed today. After eating mint chocolate chip ice cream. With rainbow sprinkles. It’s 12:15 am. At night I get more depressed. It feels more lonely and like I have nothing I can do to distract me cause I’m supposed to be asleep. I want to die more at night. Actually it’s not that I want to die, I think it’s my intrusive thoughts telling me to. But…it still kind of feels like I want to. I kind of feel it in my heart. But I think it can be confusing trying to label emotions.

Anger

When I get angry I cry. I wish I didn’t. When I cry, I can’t talk. And when I’m angry, I want to stand up for myself but I can’t. I want the person who made me angry to know I’m angry, but instead they might think I’m having a mental breakdown. Balling my eyes out. In the hospital I met Liz. We met before but she didn’t remember me. She said she didn’t remember anything from High Focus. A mental health place/thing. Anyway, we were roommates. She’s amazing at yelling. I envy her. She always stands up for herself and others. The nurses kept telling her not to yell at her parents on the phone but her parents have failed her. I think she has a lot to be angry about, and I told her that. I’m proud of her. And worried. But I know she will never stay quiet.

i’m getting tired. maybe the melatonin gummies are working

#mental health

0 notes

letsgofoletsgo · 2 years

Text

My part of my art trade with @echoes-lighthouse!

(As a reminder, I’m open for art/writing trades!)

It was the end of the school day for Walkerville Elementary school. Kids were bustling down the halls to leave the building, excited to spend the rest of the day at home, with friends, or doing after school activities. During this time, the teachers would tend to their end of day duties; for the teachers, this meant tidying their classrooms, organizing materials, and getting their lessons ready for the next day.

Vallerie Frizzle was no exception. She may have rather “odd” quirks only known to her and her students, but getting her classroom readied for the next day was not something she could do with a flicker of her earrings. However, she couldn’t complain of it, in fact, she found a certain joy in making sure her students had the best learning environment possible. She cared about her students greatly, and always enjoyed brainstorming about her next field trip idea. As she checked the chairs atop the desks and any loose items about the multicolored floors, she began humming a little song to herself, cheerily going about her duties as Liz rose from her slumber.

“Ah! Hello Liz, did you have a good rest?” She asked gently, smiling as the reptile replied with a nod. “Splendid. You caught me just in time actually, I was just about to finish cleaning for the day before I head home.”

She was about to return to just that, when she heard the door of her classroom creak open. Turning around, she was greeted with the sight of a fellow teacher dressed akin to her, with a pair of square glasses and a lopsided haircut.

“Pardon my sudden intrusion, but I hear you’re done for the day?” They said as they emerged from the doorway.

Frizzle’s face lit up. “Mx. Makovny! What a pleasant surprise!”

“Val, you know you can call me Echo outside of work hours.” They giggled.

“I know, I simply think both names are wonderful!” She exclaimed in her typical Frizzle fashion.

Echo shrugged with a grin. “Glad you think so, hehe.”

“So, what do I owe this lovely visit?”

“I just felt like seeing you is all, and it was an early release for the middle schoolers, so I took the opportunity.” They explained.

“Ah, well whatever the case, it's always a pleasure to have you in my classroom, dear.”

Echo took a quick glance around the now-tidied room. “Speaking of which, what did you get up to today?”

“Oh, we had a marvelous field trip!” Frizzle beamed.

“Really? Where did you go?” Echo sat themself on a table near Liz’s enclosure, smiling at her as she scuttled onto her arm playfully.

“Well, we actually never left the classroom, but the bus helped out so I consider it a field trip. Today the class was learning about rainbows and color, so I thought it would be helpful for them to see it up close and personal,” she motioned to her closet. “Liz and I recently built a rainbow pinball machine, and it worked wonders for showing the kids how light works!”

“Wow, that sounds like fun!”

“It certainly was. In fact, two of my students, Carlos and Dorthy Anne, seemed to be in a bit of a quarrel beforehand; but this field trip helped them both to learn and work together.”

“It’s good to hear your class is engaging so much with your field trips.” Echo commented.

“They’re all such good learners and wonderful students, I couldn’t ask for a better class.”

Echo let Liz crawl off their arm, and thought for a moment before standing up. “You know,” she walked over to Frizzle, tenderly placing their hands around her arm. “It makes me really happy to see you so passionate about your class and teaching them. Even beyond as a fellow teacher, it just… Makes me happy to see you happy.”

Frizzle’s expression softened into a gentler smile. “Teaching makes me very happy, yes, but it's not the only thing that brings me joy.” she giggled.

The other teacher blushed as she looked to the side, heart fluttering at the compliment. However, their eyes turned more sullen as they began darting about the floor. Frizzle noticed immediately, concern spreading on her face.

“Echo, dear? Is everything alright?”

“Well, I- Its nothing really,” they sputtered. “It’s just… I’ve been thinking about us, and how we’re not really out to anyone. You’ve always been so proud of who you are Val, and I’m scared that I’m taking part of that away from you. I don’t want you to feel like you’re hiding something or sneaking around, especially to your students.”

Frizzle was quite shocked to hear this. Echo never before expressed any doubts like this about their relationship. Was it something she did? How long did they feel this way?

“Love, have I done anything to make you feel this way?”

“Oh, oh no! You haven’t done anything wrong! I’m just…” She paused. “... Scared, I suppose. Scared you may start to feel this way.”

“My dear, I want to assure you that I am perfectly content with our relationship in whatever manner we go about it. What matters to me is that you’re comfortable and happy, and if that means our meetings are more private, than that is perfectly fine with me; and I certainly never feel like I’m hiding anything.

Her partner visibly relaxed, a simile returning to their face. “It makes me feel a lot better to hear that, Val. Thank you.”

“Anything for you~” She gave them a peck on the cheek. “Now, a little birdie told me a new smoothie place has opened up downtown. What do you say we check it out? My treat.”

“Sounds like a date!”

#echoes lighthouse

7 notes · View notes

weepingvoidpenguin · 4 years

Text

The Gods’ Blessing (Pt. 3)

Part 1, Part 2 , Part 4 , Part 5

Summary: In your world, everyone had a soulmate. That’s just how things went. Everyone had some sort of Indicator that their other half was out there, be it telepathy or a red string that connected these two strangers. Yours was one unspoken of, in fact, you’d never heard anyone say that they had the same Indicator as you. And because of this rarity, you longed to meet the person who could gift you with what you lacked, maybe not so much so to be with the person but more so to finally see what others took for granted. Yet, you held onto the hope that one of your best friends was your Meant-To-Be but he has his eyes on another girls and the little green monster slowly engulfs you at the deterioration of your hope.

Warnings: None

Word Count: 5,129

Author’s Note: I’m so sorry for the long wait!! I’ve literally been sick for a week straight and the few days after I’ve had a pestering cough and I’ve been so busy I just haven’t had a moment to sit down and focus so I’m sorry if this is trash. I just wanted to get something out without making the chapter too long because if I had kept going it would’ve been upwards of 8k so I’m saving the rest for the next chapter.

“No,” he said, pulling the mask back down over his chin.

“No?” You asked incredulously, eyebrows furrowed at his decision, “Why?”

He turned around and started walking towards the edge of the roof, “I just don’t think it’d be a good idea.” He shrugged his shoulders.

You scoffed, almost disbelieving that this was actually happening, “But you’re my soulmate, I’m supposed to know who you really are,”

You took three long glides towards him and reached for the hem of his mask, momentarily not caring that he didn’t want to share his identity with you. He reached out of your grasp and spun to the side.

“(Y/N), listen, I’m just not ready for you to know who I am yet,” he said, keeping a distance in case you tried to pry his mask off again.

“You’re not ready?” You took a step back and turned away from him, walking back towards your fire escape, “So you can kiss so passionately that the stars align, literally, but you won’t tell me who you are? You want to keep this strictly between me and Spider-Man? Not whoever the hell you really are?” You snapped.

Before, you hadn’t cared who your soulmate had been, you just wanted to see the stars that everyone else could see. But now that you finally met him, it was different. It was as though he were your source of light, that he was providing you the stars, and now he didn’t even want to tell you who he really was. You rolled your eyes and threw one leg over the side of the roof, making sure your foot was sturdy against the ladder and began to descend, not wanting to hear any of his excuses.

He knew who you really were, wasn’t it only fair that you knew who he was?

“(Y/N), wait!” He called, grabbing your hand that was still gripping onto the edge.

“What?” You asked, glaring up at him but then looked away because even though you couldn’t see his face, it hurt to look at him.

“Please, you have to believe there’s good reason,” he tried to elaborate but you held up the hand he was gripping to silence him.

“Unless you’re gonna tell me what the reasons are, I’m done with this conversation,” You could feel the knot in your throat forming and you wanted to leave before it prohibited you from speaking.

Spider-Man stood there, obviously chewing on his lip through his mask, but he remained silent. You looked him up and down, looked at all the places you wanted to touch and hold against you, all the places you wanted to kiss and explore and in that moment of observing him you felt your heart twinge, knowing that despite having kissed and literally feeling like the universe aligned for the both of you, he wasn’t yours. He wouldn’t be until he was honest with you, until he wanted you to know not just Spider-Man but his true self. You couldn’t have a night time relationship with someone.

You wanted someone you could bring to movie night with your group of friends. Someone who you could introduce to your Mom. Someone that you could bring around Peter Parker so you could finally not feel the ache you always did whenever you saw him with Liz. Someone you could study with and learn with and grow with. But if you were being constricted to just night time Spider-Man and not allowed day time true identity, then you didn’t want that. You wanted him and all of him.

And he wasn’t willing to give it to you.

“That’s what I thought,” you said and descended down the ladder one step at a time until you reached the metal floor and hopped off.

A loud thud landed next to you, rattling the fire escape and you gripped onto the railing to balance yourself.

“Wait!” He held up his hands, stopping you in your tracks.

You crossed your arms over your chest to prevent from reaching out to him, “Please, move,” you begged, the knot in your throat now becoming painful.

You could see him open his mouth through his mask but no sounds came out and how you wished he had something, anything to say to make it all better. But he didn’t so he stepped aside and you made your way down to your window before hopping into your room and locking it behind you.

The next morning you nearly slept through your alarm and ended up missing breakfast, as in you didn’t have time to grab a granola bar for the ride to school, and almost forgot your phone on the nightstand. You flew through the door and locked up behind yourself, knowing that no matter how late you were it was better than leaving your house unlocked.

“So how was your date with Brad?” MJ asked once you plopped down at the lunch table. She had asked you earlier in the day and yesterday but you weren’t up for much talking so you promised you’d inform her at lunch.

“Give me those details,” Ned joked.

You avoided looking anyone in the eye and shrugged your shoulders, “It was okay,”

“Just okay?” MJ asked with a quirked eyebrow.

You nodded, wondering whether or not you were going to see Spider-Man again. That’s what had been consuming your mind all day. Whether or not you’d allow him to wretch your heart some more to spend time with him or if you were going to cut him off completely until he was ready to tell you who he was. But you knew you weren’t capable of doing that, your entire being yearned for him and leaving him yesterday night had been so difficult. It went against everything your body craved and plead for. It felt like you had ripped the strings right out of your heart and the only way to heal was to hold him. You knew it sounded dumb and cheesy but it truly was heart-wrenching to pull away from him, it took all the strength you had.

And despite all of the pain and desire and yearning, you weren’t sure if it was requited. It was as though he had no real problem saying good-bye. You didn’t want to know who he was to expose him, you wanted to know so you could be with him. The real him. But it seemed like he hadn’t even considered telling you, like he wanted this secret between the two of you to continue.

So when MJ asked if you would go on another date with Brad you nodded.

“Possibly,” you said, “I mean, he really was a gentleman and I didn’t have a bad time,”

“Why go on a date with him if you don’t even like him?” Peter asked, finally looking up from his twiddling thumbs.

Everyone turned to you, waiting for an answer, “He’s . . . he’s a good distraction,” you admitted not elaborating.

MJ squeezed your thigh, thinking you were talking about Peter and in a way you had been. Despite yearning for Spider-Man, you could feel the same present pull for Peter you always felt and it had confused you. You thought that once you met your Soulmate, your desire for anyone else diminished and your longing for them was gone. But it hadn’t disappeared, only intensified.

You could barely look up at Peter and how his fingers intertwined with Liz’s. The familiar knot formed in your throat and you cleared it in an attempt to fight the intrusion. You trailed their hands up Peter’s arm and observed how his eyes and cheeks appeared sunken and how intense the dark circles were. It looked like he hadn’t slept at all last night.

He kept his eyes down when you answered his question and Liz threw her arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer to her before twisting his hair in her fingers. He sighed and closed his eyes, inviting the comfort she offered.

The knot in your throat evolved into a pit in your stomach and you leaned up against MJ, more disturbed than ever with Peter and Liz being together. It just hadn’t felt right to you. Seeing them together. It never felt right but before you could just ignore them and shove down your feelings. Now they were more intense, more demanding of your attention. They sat at the base of your stomach and moved through your chest, grabbing hold of your body and consuming it in unease.

The sick sensations controlling you had diminished the joy you’d felt earlier. You woke up this morning and noticed that everything was brighter. Everything that had been slightly dulled before now shown with a vibrancy that took your breath away. You had been walking around all day with your eyes wide open, indulging in the wonderous new intensities of the world around you. At one point, you’d asked MJ if she’d always been that pretty.

And as much as you wanted to take everything in, the distress in your mind prohibited any of that.

“He messaged me yesterday,” you said, remembering the text Brad sent you that you had been too preoccupied to respond to.

“He did?” Peter’s head shot up, his loose curls now in his face.

You nodded, “Yeah, he asked if I wanted to go see a new movie that was coming out this weekend,”

MJ wiggled her eyebrows at you, “Those are the details I’m looking for. Looks like things between you two are getting serious,” she teased.

For the first time that day you smiled, “Stop. It’s just a movie, besides we had agreed to go see it together,”

“We still can.” She motioned towards everyone, “We can make it a group date,” MJ looked around the table for everyone’s approval and everyone seemed on board.

“Then it’s a date,” MJ stated, motioning you to pull out your phone and let Brad know.

You hesitantly messaged Brad about the group date and he instantly responded, saying he didn’t mind and that it sounded like a good idea. So the date was set, this Friday after school you’d all head to the theater.

“Hey (Y/N),” Peter called for you and he couldn’t help but notice this was the second day in a row you’d tried dodging him.

You kept going, only minimally slowing your pace so he could catch up, “What’s up?” You asked once he’d took his place beside you.

“I just wanted to know if you were okay,” he asked, his eyes glued to his feet as you travelled through the hallway.

“I’m fine,” you lied and a sting in your chest from being so close yet so far from Peter caused you to take a deep breath and compose yourself.

He eyed you up and down, nervously chewing on his lip as he watched you. “How about we have a movie night tonight. Just me and you? Like we used to in Freshman year?”

Your heart jumped at the idea and you turned to face him, “You sure?” You asked, walking through the door to your classroom, “Won’t Liz be upset?”

Peter scoffed and his features brightened a bit, “We’ve been best friends longer than I’ve known her,” he said and took his seat next to you, “I’m sure she won’t mind,”

Your smile reached your eyes and you nodded, “Okay, we can walk to my place after school,”

“And what about this one?” Peter asked, holding up an old picture of you as a toddler.

“It was my birthday,” you explained, letting him look at the photo in his hands.

“Cute.” He chuckled, noting the frosting on your nose and how your tongue stuck out to try and lick it off.

“This one’s my favorite,” you said, reaching up to carefully pry the picture off the wall. You had the photo to Peter and watched as his eyes scanned over the four goofy faces chosen for the camera. “We had gone to our first Decathalon tournament that day,”

Peter trudged around the room and propped himself on your bed, “I remember,” he said, not taking his eyes off his dearest friends, “We were so nervous,”

You nodded and sat next to him, “If only we knew we’d make second place,”

“I miss those days,” he murmured and you giggled.

“We’re still in those days,” you countered and grabbed the bowl of popcorn off your nightstand before offering him some, “We just can’t let them pass by so quickly,”

He placed the photo back in its original spot on the wall and took his spot next to you on your bed before deciding what movie to watch. You sat together with the bowl of popcorn placed respectfully between the both of you and watched in peace.

It’d been nearly months since you hung out with Peter alone. He’d been too preoccupied with the Stark internship to really spend time with anyone really, and it’d started to take a toll on you. Your weekly movie nights had been postponed so often that it’d just been you and MJ for a few weeks straight but she insisted on keeping it going less it die out altogether. So whenever Peter managed to spare some time for the simple folk, you’d relished in it. You’d ask over and over about the internship and if he liked it or learned anything new from it. Of course, he was always reluctant when answering but you didn’t mind the somewhat curt responses because each question elicited a new gleam in his eyes that you admired with vigor.

“What are you looking at?” Peter asked once he’d noticed you’d stopped watching the film.

“I’ve just missed you,” Jesus Christ. The heat to your face could not have come more quickly and you stammered in your embarrassment, “I-I mean, I miss hanging out w-with you. Not that I miss you- miss you. Well, I mean I do miss you but-”

Peter’s amused smile grew with your stuttering and he chuckled, “It’s fine, (Y/N), I know what you meant,”

No, you don’t, you thought.

You rested against your headboard and grabbed some popcorn just to be doing something with your hands. Peter continued to watch you though and the words he wanted to say danced on the tip of his lips, moving fiercely to get passed his tongue.

“So,” he started, once the urge overcame him, “how have you been recently?”

You cocked your head to the side a little at the question but faced him all the same, “I’ve been okay,” you hesitated, not knowing what all you should tell him, “just lost somewhere in my better judgement,”

He raised his eyebrows, urging you to go on.

You sighed, “It’s just- it’s complicated.” You grabbed a mouthful of popcorn to stall.

“Complicated in what way?” he asked, leaning in as if to avoid straining his ears.

You crinkled your nose and stood up, beckoning Peter to follow as you went out onto your fire escape, your thick blanket in tow. You spread it out and folded it to add more cushion before sitting down and tapping the barren spot beside you. He sat down, a little closer than you two had been before, and watched you as you watched the setting sun and looked up towards the sky.

“I just wanna hang out here, okay?”

He nodded, not questioning your sudden desire for a change of scenery. “You okay?

You nodded, not noticing how he watched you search the night sky for the boy in red and blue. “I feel torn,”

“Between?” He asked, scooting closer to you.

You pried your eyes from the slithering galaxies above you and looked at Peter, something who, despite the sky’s beauty and call, you’d prefer to look at. You smiled at him, loving how his chocolate brown eyes observed you and how his lips parted ever so slightly whenever he waited eagerly.

“Between two guys,”

Peter lurched back slightly with a sudden shake of his head and his eyebrows furrowed together, “What?” He asked, a tinge of hidden pain in his words, “Who?”

You chewed the inside of your cheek and stared down at your feet, “There’s this one guy that I’ve liked for a long time and then there’s this other guy that I’m 99% sure is my soulmate,”

“99%?” His tone peaked up.

“I know it sounds ridiculous but MJ always told me that once you meet your soulmate you lose all attraction for anyone else,” you started, admiring the single curl that fell onto his forehead and fighting the desire to twirl it in your fingers, “But-”

“But?” Peter intensified his look on you and you could swear he was starting to glare.

“But even after I met that guy I still have feelings for this other guy and I don’t know why it’s happening I just know that it’s going to tear me apart,” you confessed, despising how you still desired to feel Peter’s lips caress your own.

“Well who’s this guy?” His expression softened a bit but there was a twinge of secrecy hidden.

“I-I can’t tell you, it’s a secret and even I don’t really kn-” you stopped yourself mid-sentence, wondering how you could explain that you met your soulmate and still have no idea in hell who he is.

“No, who’s the other guy?” Peter asked.

“The other guy?” You chirped back, confused as to why he would much prefer to know about, well him, rather than your soulmate.

Peter leaned back a little and his eyes darted everywhere except for you, “Yeah, well, I mean, there’s gotta be something special about the person that isn’t your soulmate if you still have feelings for them,”

Your eyes widened and now it was your turn to panic. Who’s the other guy? You couldn’t very well say it was him, especially considering how wrapped around Liz’s finger he is. He would cut you off right then and there, apologizing about how he couldn’t do that to Liz and how he only has eyes for her. So you scrambled up the only logical excuse you could come up with and blurted it out.

“It’s Brad,” Brad? You thought. You couldn’t have lied about anyone better?

“Brad?” He repeated after you, as if not believing your words.

“Yyesss,” you drawled out, trying to convince yourself that was the best route to take, “It’s Brad,”

“Why?” He asked incredulously.

“Why what?”

“Why do you like Brad?”

“I don’t know!” You suddenly burst, the inner turmoil of having feelings for Peter but knowing that you’ve met your soulmate building up inside of you. “It’s not like I want to like them both, I just do!”

“Well shouldn’t you only want your soulmate?” He asked.

You rolled your eyes, hugging yourself, “Yes, Peter, hence why I’m torn,”.

“But it doesn’t make sense, why would you want anyone but your soulmate? That’s never been how it’s worked. I don’t want anyone but yo-” Peter shut himself up, cursing himself for letting the words slip out so easily.

“Yeah, I get it. It’s you and Liz against the world, Peter.” You scoffed, feeling your insides beginning to boil, “It’s always been you and Liz!” You shouted, not caring if your neighbors heard because something about those words stung in ways they hadn’t before.

“When you meet your soulmate it’s like the universe itself has guided you towards each other in that moment and nothing feels more right or perfect than you two. And I have this pulling inside my body to be with him but he can’t even be honest with me! How am I supposed to be with someone who can’t tell me the truth?” You practically yelled, now pacing back and forth on the fire escape.

Peter winced at your words but bit his tongue and let you continue.

“And then, there’s yo- uh, I mean, Brad and I cannot get him out of my head. I need him here just as much as I need my soulmate here but that’s not how soulmates work. I’m supposed to meet him and forget that anyone else ever existed! And to top it all off, it feels like neither of them wants me back!” The tips of your fingers burst with heat and the light up above glowed with an intensity you’d never witnessed.

You peaked up at the sky to search what called your attention and found that the thousands of clear stars that you’d seen for the first time last night glistened with a blinding radiance. You heard the screeching of brakes from cars below and horns going off, warning nearby drivers that they were getting too close. You pulled your hand up and hovered it over your eyes, wishing the light would go away, and just in that instant, it did.

The sky dimmed back to its usual, but very unusual, magnificence. The balls of gas in the sky providing their proper planets light and warmth had soothed to their ordinary state of existence. You knew that others could not see the sky in the same way you did as you’d never heard anyone describe it to you before and you’d never seen pictures that could compare to what was above you. But you hoped beyond hope that everyone saw what you did.

Tell her.

The same voice from last night whispered but it echoed from the buildings surrounding you. You whirled around to find its source but knew you should’ve been looking up as that’s where the calls have been coming from. You didn’t know how you knew, you just knew.

Peter mumbled under his breath behind you and you looked down at him, “Tell me I’m not crazy and that you saw that too,”

He nodded, getting up from his place on the floor and holding out his hand before retracting it quickly, “We should go back inside,”

You nodded before throwing a look over your shoulder at the dazzling sky above and ducked under your windowsill.

Friday came around slower than expected. Not because the days went by slowly but because the nights trudged at their leisure pace. Every night that week you watched out for the friendly neighborhood hero but he was nowhere to be seen and that desire in your chest twisted to pain, causing your tears to be the only thing that kept you company at night.

Maybe you’d been too hard on him. Maybe he had good reason not to tell you who he was. You should’ve been patient and have waited to hear what he had to offer but you hadn’t given him the chance. You punished yourself every night for leaving things the way they were, making him believe he was unwelcome due to your harsh words. In all honesty, if he had shown up your pride would’ve taken over and you’d have given him a hard time for a while but you’d eventually move on because you’d just be happy that he was there.

Your lips had been red and swollen by the time Friday night came around from all the biting in anticipation. MJ had followed you home and made you change your perfectly acceptable outfit into something a little more risqué. She hadn’t usually been like this but you were pretty sure she was living vicariously through you since she couldn’t see her significant other very often so you let her play the game her way.

“Hey!” Ned called you over once he saw you at the entrance of the theater.

Brad stood beside Ned, Peter and Liz while you and MJ walked up to them. You tried to fight the sinking stones in your stomach but to no avail. Watching Liz fawn over Peter, leaning against him, caused nothing but your unease. You stopped in your tracks as you attempted to regain your breath, hating how watching them together could have such a negative effect on you.

You grabbed MJ by her elbow and held her in place by your side, “Can we please just go home and watch something on Netflix?” You plead.

She shook her head, “Had you asked any earlier I would’ve said yes but we’re already here and if Brad sucks that much then-”

“It’s not Brad,” you interjected and a look of understanding passed over her face.

Her hands reached out and held both your upper arms, “(Y/N), I get that seeing Peter with Liz is difficult for you, I really do, but maybe tonight will be the first step in getting over him. Maybe being with Brad will help the emotions fade, ya know?”

You sighed, feeling her words go in one ear and out the other, “I guess,”

“Listen, if you really feel uncomfortable then we can go, no questions asked. But if you can pull through this and potentially see yourself having a good time, then try,”

She took your hand in hers and led you towards the group, greeting them all once you had reached them. Brad nervously shifted his weight from one foot to another when you greeted him and he hesitated before pulling you in for a light embrace.

Normally, you’d have been uncomfortable considering your lack of interest but something about his hold was actually comforting and you hugged him back, appreciating the comfort he offered.

“What was that for?” You asked after you pulled away.

“You just looked like you needed it.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“So, what’d you think?” Ned asked upon leaving the theater.

“Predictable,” You and MJ said in unison then hit shoulders lightly in a teasing manner.

Sometime throughout the movie you had gripped onto Brad’s hand and though it did nothing for you romantically, it did wonders for you platonically. He had a strange soothing ambiance about him that drew you in and tonight you really needed as much comfort as you could get.

Peter eyed your intertwined fingers and his grip on Liz’s own hand tightened as he felt his anger build. Ned elbowed Peter lightly when he caught Peter staring at you. Ned motioned to Liz, reminding Peter to calm down around her.

You pushed the door open and let the cool air engulf you, sending a shiver up your spine. You looked over your shoulder towards Brad and smiled, thankful for the distraction for the night. He had offered a miniscule amount of contentment by making you feel wanted, maybe not by the people you actually wanted those feelings to emit from but the attention was nice anyway. Nice but wrong.

It could never compare to how perfect it felt to be in Spider-Man’s arms. You couldn’t forget the heat his body emitted and his body pressed against you had made you come to life in ways you didn’t think were possible. You winced at the memory, the tugging that had been lulled by the distraction of the moving pictures now up front and center. Because despite how much you wanted to immerse yourself in all that was Spider-Man, the sensations were quickly preyed upon by the pain it had caused you to pry yourself away.

Your fingers danced at your side, tapping along your thighs as the memory of the warmth they radiated when you’d touched Spider-Man crawled its way back in. You stopped mid pace and threw your head back, taking in the fresh air and observing your surroundings, hoping to see a figure swing across the sky.

“Looking for something?” Peter creeped up behind you and you jumped and blushed.

“Just taking in the scenery.” You motioned to the cloudless sky and counted all the constellations you could remember off the top of your head.

Peter watched as you observed the stars above you, loving how your eyes sparkled brighter than the endless galaxies ever could. His eyes trailed the curl of your smile before resting on the curve of your lips and he was brought back into the moment where those very lips were pressed against his own.

He could feel his eyebrow twitch as he resisted the desire, no, the need, to feel them again. He wanted to roll the skin between his teeth, pressing you tight against him like the first time. When the universe had revealed you two to each other. He longed to be back in your arms and to have you back in his. He wanted to feel your breath blow against his cheek, hear the quiet moans you tried to withhold from his ears, he wanted to relive it all.

It had been hard to stay away from you ever since the revelation but he knew your character; you were stubborn and you wouldn’t take now for an answer. You’d pry his identity out of him until you were disappointed to see the man under the mask. No, he had to stay away from you. To keep this fantasy going for as long as possible. He didn’t want you to pull away once he’d revealed himself. He wanted to tell you everything, practically had to actually, but his fear made him bite his tongue when you turned away from the sky and rested your gaze on his face.

God, how he loved your smile. It warmed his chest and managed to slightly subside the overbearing want to overwhelm himself with you. With everything about you. From the sparkle in your eyes down to the labyrinth that was your mind. He wanted it all.

He looked down at the small gap between the two of you and felt his fingers twitch to reach out to yours. You followed his gaze to the empty space and watched as his fingers extended out to yours without every leaving his side. Your heartrate sped up and you could practically hear your blood pump through your ears and you stretched your fingers out to his own.

“The Little Dipper’s always been my favorite constellation.” Brad emerged from the space between the two of you and you cleared your throat, blinking away the haze of temptation from your eyes.

You giggled at Brad’s comment and Peter rolled his eyes, blowing the single strand of hair out of his face, “It’s not a constellation,” he murmured.

Brad furrowed his eyebrows and glared at Peter.

“It’s an asterism,” you quickly offered, trying to ease Brad’s confusion.

He nodded and offered you his hand. You peeked over his open palm and glanced at Peter, waiting for who knows what, honestly. Maybe a protest? For him to offer his hand instead? But Peter said nothing, only taking Liz’s hand in his own when she rejoined you so you smiled at Brad despite the twist in your chest and grabbed hold of his hand.

Tag List: @the-ducks-umbrella @free-pool-trash @wherewecomealive @eridanuswave @watson-emma @imjuliabtw @powerstrangerdacre @chess-anon @le-yona @dear-selena @becausewelie @myr5heart @michaels-endtime @lastupidebichette @yetmeema @bisexualfangirlsblog @akabaneyuriko @allthings-sandy @foreverpark @courtmarie2016 @maya-t-13 @copxland04 @lostinwonderland314 @theolwebshooter @alainabooks143 @dark-night-sky-99 @shameless-dani @memequeend @chewymoustachio

916 notes · View notes

angrycowboy · 4 years

Text

So my original idea was to just tackle my thoughts on RNM’s portrayal of Michael Guerin’s bisexuality, which is something I have loved a lot. But then 2x06 aired, and we got some beautiful insight into Alex Manes, and I had to shift gears a bit to include that.

Because I know tensions regarding this episode are high, consider this a warning - I am going to talk about Michael and Alex, and a bit about the airstream scene in 2x06. And I am going to discuss how it has resonated with me in a positive way. But mostly, this is about how sexuality is complicated, and how amazing it is to see depictions on television that truly make me feel seen.

One of my favorite things about Michael Guerin, and about how RNM has chosen to portray his bisexuality, is that it’s not obvious. He doesn’t feel the need to talk about it, or discuss it - and in fact, only offers it up to Isobel in 1x10 as she’s questioning her own feelings in an effort to make her feel more comfortable. Later in 1x11, he snaps at Max because well, Max has just poked and prodded at him talk (and they’re stuck in the bunker together with nothing else to do). And someone who isn’t comfortable in who they are doesn’t say things like, “It’s not that complicated.” That is something firmly in the camp of yeah, this is who I am, what of it? Because make no mistake, it is incredibly important to me to hear characters like Michael Guerin self-identify on screen as bisexual.

Part of this portrayal can of course, also be attributed to Michael’s upbringing in the foster care system, where talking about himself was never encouraged or allowed. Because I don’t think, given how it is repeatedly reinforced that Michael shunned most aspects of humanity on Earth, that he was ever ashamed of his sexuality. Though I do believe that said upbringing did affect his own feelings of self-worth, and how he saw himself in the eyes of others.

Something I’ve seen mentioned a lot are two interactions we see on screen: between Alex & Maria in 1x10, and between Maria & Liz in 1x13, and the idea that there is “outing” of Michael. And while, I do understand and respect a lot of those arguments, especially regarding their importance regarding the LGBTQ community as a whole, something I don’t see discussed are people who don’t necessarily want to have a formal coming out, or who don’t feel the need to initiate those conversations regarding their sexuality. Even though yes, both Alex and Maria do technically out Michael (though neither do it with any malicious intent), I don't believe that Michael himself would care that other people know he is bisexual (his feelings for Alex are a different story entirely). And part of that may be that he doesn't believe anyone else thinks of him that much to even discuss him due to that upbringing he had, and also because the act of coming out would involve the feeling of being under a microscope (thanks for that wording, Riley), and Michael Guerin would definitely want to avoid that.

But back to my original point - at no point during Season 1 does Michael Guerin give the impression that he is ashamed of his sexuality - the lack of bringing it up first does not read that way to me. It reads more as Michael sees it simply as part of who he is, and that’s it. He can’t change it, and he’s already different (he’s a literal alien, ffs), so why worry about it. It very much reminds me of how I have viewed my own sexuality for years - it is simply just part of who I am. I have never felt the need to sit anyone down and announce my sexuality - in fact, I came out to my mother as I was walking out the door to go on a date. She asked what his name was, and I just replied what her name was.

But there seems to exist this idea within the LGBTQ community that every person needs to have a “coming out.” That we need to be completely in control of who knows, and how they find out, and when they find out, which is not something I agree with completely. Now, also know that I understand the importance of this idea to many, because of rampant homophobic attitudes that remain present within our society. But I see very few people discussing and supporting those of us who would rather not have to announce it in some grand way - because is this not also allowing someone to control their narrative? It has definitely made me wonder how different my own acceptance of my sexuality could have been had I believed that it wasn’t a requirement for me to come out to the people in my life (an idea which sends my anxiety into a tailspin, tbh).

Again, this is just my perspective regarding the overall portrayal of Michael’s bisexuality. It is not meant to act as a correct version, just sharing why I have particularly enjoyed what RNM has done.

But it was not Michael Guerin that made me want to write fanfic, and it was not Michael Guerin that truly made me love this show - it was in fact, Alex Manes. It was Alex Manes, who is confrontational, who is analytical, who needs facts first and who lives so much within his own head, that truly drew me into this show. Alex Manes who very clearly has struggled not with the fact that he is gay, but with that outward expression of his sexuality. In canon, this is very much due to the trauma of his childhood, to growing up in an abusive household that rejected everything about who he was as a person, and tried to force him into a box that was very much not who he is. And while I did not have that kind of upbringing, the idea of believing you won’t be accepted even among the people who should love you unconditionally is a universal feeling within the LGBTQ community.

Alex’s talk with Maria in the truck is perhaps some of the most relatable queer representation I’ve ever seen. Because it dives into the different types of love and attraction and how not every touch between two people needs to be sexual in nature. And it lays out very plainly how important it is to have trust between people. But it’s also about recognizing what you do want, and accepting that for yourself. And that conversation is so important toward understanding what happens later on in the Airstream.

Because Alex, due to his upbringing, doesn’t believe that he is worthy of being loved in that way. When Maria comforts Michael over the realization that he could have lost both of them, Alex says he should go, not because he doesn’t want to be there. He says it because he feels like he shouldn’t be allowed to be there, to want to be there. Alex feels like an intrusion, even though he’s gone through the same horrifying ordeal and he’s with two people he loves and feels safe around. Maria recognizes that immediately, and moves back to Alex in order to give him the safety he needs as well. Maria is acting in regards to both of the boys love languages - Alex needs that physical touch of reassurance (kissing him), Michael needs to hear it verbally (”it’s okay”). And furthermore, they all need each other in that moment (”I just want us all safe”).

But it is specifically Alex’s speech in the truck earlier, about touch and self-acceptance that has me sobbing every time I watch it. Because even though I got my first crush on a girl as a teenager, it wasn’t until years later that I actually allowed myself to act on that. It was only years later that I learned just how different my attraction toward men and women really was, that I enjoyed different things for different reasons from the different sexes and that was okay. So that speech has just really resonated with me as a bisexual woman who struggled for years with acceptance of her sexuality, of being able to act on it, and it makes me incredibly happy to see a television show (A CW SHOW ABOUT COWBOY ALIENS OK) conquering these things in such a relatable way.

All of this ended up making me go back to something Chasing wrote last year about Michael’s bisexuality, and the portrayal we’re seeing, and something she said in her meta: “No one is harder on queer representation and queer media than queer people - and I get it. We’ve had so much bad representation and we’re sick of it and that’s understandable. But it’s turned into this thing where every slice of representation has to be Perfect or it’s Garbage, and it’s leading creators to not want to try because they’re so harshly run off every time they do. And when they don’t try, they don’t learn, and when they don’t learn, they don’t do better.” So maybe the rep isn’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a valiant effort being made to reach out to an underrepresented community. And for me personally, the depiction doesn’t have to be perfect, because people aren’t perfect, and sexuality isn’t one size fits all. What may make one person feel seen and understood, another may not see themselves represented at all - but that’s okay. Because with more representation in media, comes different tellings and stories, and comes different ways people can relate because the queer community is not a monolith. We all look at things through different lenses and experiences, but it becomes hurtful when those who don’t see themselves represented in a specific piece of media start telling those who do that they are wrong. And I wish more people would take that into consideration during discussions and criticisms.

Finally, I want to end with this gif, because woo boy. This face and that look. I know that look. I have made that look. This look is so goddamn recognizable and familiar. Because there’s also something about knowing you’re watching an actor who has probably also gone through a lot of these same feelings the character is expressing, that it just comes through in their performance and makes it all the more relatable and real (and especially how even the script itself makes it obvious it was written by people in the queer community).

#roswell new mexico #roswell nm meta #rnm 2x06 airstream scene #michael guerin #alex manes #not really malexa #but a little malexa #notso writes meta #also some of my own personal thoughts #does any of this makes sense #i have no idea but i needed to finally get it all out #i love alex manes and michael guerin a lot ok

80 notes · View notes

lolo314 · 4 years

Text

Soma Week Day 1: Dare

@soulxmakaweek

I love these idiots so I figured I’d try my hand at this whole Soma week thing, lol.

Title: The Dare. (so creative).

Notes: It’s a college au so the drinking is totally legal.

Summary: Drunk idiot makes bad decisions.

A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23988775

Also sending love to @friday1221 for making an awesome art for this fic.<3

Maka didn’t expect her day to end like this, her lips on Soul’s in an urgent kiss.

When she woke up that morning, it was like any other Saturday. Soul slept way past noon with the excuse of it being a weekend, Maka made breakfast and worked on her assignments for the next week before their paths crossed for what was her lunch and his breakfast.

“Blackstar says to take a cab. Apparently we’ll be too drunk to drive after. “he said in between large bites. Their friend had been harassing them about a small get-together he had planned since Monday, ensuring them they’d have a great time. Maka had been hesitant, knowing the aftermath of Blackstar’s idea of fun, but reluctantly agreed, promising herself she wouldn’t wake up the next day with a hangover.

“I’ll drive us. I’m not planning to drink anyways.” she already felt tired thinking about taming a drunk Soul.

“That’s… How about I drive us for once?” she scuffed, carrying her empty place to the sink.

“I’m not paying a ticket for drunk driving.” He opened his mouth but she cut him off with her hand.

“Its fine, Soul. I don’t mind.” She smiled before sitting herself on the couch, picking up a

book to get lost in until it was time to get ready. They didn’t talk much after that. She could tell something was on his mind as he moved about the apartment, but he didn’t seem ready to share it.

The low rumbling of the engine was the only sound breaking the silence of the car ride to Blackstar’s and Tsubaki’s apartment.

“Hey, Maka. “he was fidgeting with a lose string of his T-Shirt, his gaze on the passing view.

“I hope you don’t drink because you hate the taste of alcohol and not because you have to deal with me when I’m drunk.” When he turned to look at her she could tell he had thought about this a lot. That’s what he’s been thinking about all day?

“It’s fine, Soul. Don’t worry about it.” She was smiling, but he didn’t seem convinced.

“Don’t ruin your fun on my account. It’s a Saturday night. Live a little. “she considered him for a few minutes, running her options through her head. She didn’t want to ruin his night by making him worry about her having fun, but it was hard to shake the feeling that it would be messy if they both let loose.

“So you want me to not think about you? You’re weird.” He laughed, looking relieved the atmosphere had shifted into something brighter.

“Okay then. I’ll try to relax.” He exhaled, before smiling widely.

“You know it’s ridiculous that we need to have a conversation about you letting loose at a party, right?”

“What can I say? I’m just that special.” They both laughed as the approached their friend’s house, both oblivious to what awaited them.

”Let’s play truth or dare!” Backstar’s voice stood out among all the chattering. He and Liz were drunk by hour two of the small party, only half aware of what was happening.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Tsubaki pulled a half empty cup of beer from Blackstar’s hand.

“Last time we played you ended up crying…” Maka could clearly remember the memory Tsubaki was referencing. Soul and Liz had ended up dumping him in a bathtub full of water to sober him up, and maybe get a laugh out of it.

“Huh?” his face twisted in confusion.

“Don’t you remember? When you asked if it was true that I am single?” fear masked his features.

“You’re not?” he seemed ready to cry.

“Star..We’ve been dating for two years. Honestly, how much did you drink?” his face lit up.

“Who cares? Let’s play!” he sat himself on the floor , dragging Tsubaki down with him and gesturing for everyone to follow him. When everyone had taken their seats, the game begun.

“I’ll start!” Liz’s hand shot up and her eyes fell on Kid.

“Truth or Dare?” he weighed his options, considering her past challenges when drunk.

“Truth.” She frowned.

“You’re no fun… Truth it is. Is it true that I’m the best girlfriend you’ve ever had?”

“You’re the only girlfriend I’ve had. I can’t compare. “she pushed herself towards him and flicked his forehead.

“ You’re supposed to say yes!” he only laughed, placing a comforting hand around her shoulders.”

After a few turns, Blackstar turned to Maka.

“Truth or Dare?” Soul’s words flashed in her mind as she weighed her options.

“Dare.” A devious smile spread across his face.

“Now we’re talking! Maka, I dare you to chug that entire cup.” He pointed to the untouched alcohol. Live a little. She took a deep breath and pulled the cup to her lips, taking it all in one swift motion. Cheers erupted around her. She laughed, her head spinning and her throat burning by the sudden intrusion. She glanced at Soul, who was clapping along with everyone else.

After a lot more rounds, during which everyone, particularly Maka, had gotten considerably drunker.

“I dare you to Kiss Soul!” Liz’s words were slightly slurred when she pointed at Maka.

“Naaah. She wot do t. I’v ased bfore.” Blackstar’s head shook dramatically as he spat out broken words. Maka looked at Blackstar, clearly expecting her to take another shot. She looked at Soul, who seemed to agree with their friend.

She could faintly hear a voice in the back of her mind screaming as she crawled toward him. Her body moved on its own and she was too tipsy to stop herself from taking his face in her hands and crashing her lips against his, ignoring any consequences it would have on their relationship. The moment their lips locked, she momentarily forgot about the game. Something felt right and she didn’t want to stop, but her mind finally caught up with her and she pulled way, now facing a completely shocked Soul.

“Damn! That was intense!” Liz was giggling as she clapped and yelled. She moved back to her seat, trying to ignore Soul, whose cheeks were a deep shade of red, his mouth hanging open. She smiled as she took another sip of her drink, only faintly aware that she’d regret everything the next day.

When Maka woke up the next morning her head throbbed. She blinked a few times, trying to adjust her eyes to the light. Memories slowly came back to her. The party, truth or dare, drinking. A lot of drinking, kissing Soul. Wait… What?! Her body shot up, instantly regretting the action. Her vision blurred, her head spun.

“You’re awake?” Soul’s head peeked through the door before he walked in with a tray in his hands. She took her head in her hands, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to remember the details. I kissed Soul… It was for a dare… but I kissed him… and… I liked it? She mentally slapped herself, hard. Don’t be stupid. He’s your best friend.

“I’m guessing you feel like shit… I’ve been there.” He ran a hand through his hair, averting his gaze.

“I, uh, brought you some toast and some water. You’re probably dehydrated… I also brought some aspirin… Take that too...” he stood awkwardly, waiting for her brain to go back to its original place. She avoided his gaze as she took the water in her hands, putting the aspirin in her mouth. She took a deep breath and dared a look at him, soon realizing that was a mistake.

“Shit.” She ran to the bathroom, unloading everything that entered her body in the last 24 hours. Soul run after her, holding her hair back until she was done.

The next few hours had been hell. Her stomach turned, her head felt like it was about to bust and even so, her brain found in impossible to stop replaying the scene in her head. His lips on hers, the taste of his mouth. Shut up!

His presence didn’t help. He had been taking care of her all day, trying to help her get through her hangover as smoothly as possible. She hadn’t spoken any word to him other than a thank you here and there, too ashamed to say anything else.

“Are you feeling any better?” he sat himself on the edge of the couch, as if trying not to disturb anything around her.

“Not really… Seriously... I promised myself I wouldn’t get drunk but…” he smiled apologetically. What is he sorry for?

“I’m sorry… I should’ve probably stopped you before you got completely out of it… It’s just… you looked like you were having fun…” she shook her head.

“Don’t worry about it. It was my fault..” she looked at the cup of water in her hands, trying to find the right words to apologize.

“I’m sorry about this…” she could feel his eyes on her, but she refused to look at him.

“Don’t be. Think of it as payback for making you take care of me when I’m hangover.” He laughed, trying to ease the tension. She looked away, feeling terrible that he saw it that way. She took care of him because she wanted to, not because she felt obligated to do so. She jumped when she felt his hands on her shoulder.

“Hey, Maka Look at me.” She took a deep breath and turned her face, trying to avert her eyes from his lips, focusing on his eyes instead.

“It’s fine. Seriously. “ his hand dropped and he retreated to his seat. An awkward silence engulfed them. She had done it. She had broken the connection. The comfort. Stupid Maka… She desperately tried to think of a way to take things back the way they were.

“How come you’re not hangover? Didn’t you drink?” he shook his head.

“Nah. Didn’t feel like it.” Her heart dropped. He would never admit it, but she could read between the lines. Someone had to take care of you… Not only did you ruin your friendship… you also ruined his night…

“Sorry… Did I give you a hard time last night? I don’t really remember what happened after that drink … after…” her voice trailed off, refusing to name it. He nodded in understanding.

“No… you kind of just fell asleep..” her eyes widened.

“I fell asleep? So… how did I get here?” she wanted to take the words back the moment they left her mouth. She already knew what was coming and it only worsened her guilt.

“I carried you… Uh.. yeah… Do you need more water?” he rose from the seat and practically sprinted to the kitchen, leaving her alone with her thoughts. I’ve done it… I’ve ruined us…

#soulxmakaweek #somaweek2020 #soul eater #soul x maka #soma

23 notes · View notes

sicklovesongff · 4 years

Text

Chapter 5

Nikki Sixx

He’s being walking around the hotel, searching for someone to talk. Tried to talk to Mick , but he was locked inside his bedroom, since he started to date that stupid Emi, being with her was the only thing he was doing.

Went to try to find Vince, but of course he wasn’t anywhere near. Maybe inside his or anyone’s bedroom, fucking a groupie or any girl he put his eyes on.

Tommy was his last hope. But, talking to Tommy is never something easy to do. Tommy is like a puppy on cocaine, always super happy, always super electric. He wouldn’t understand. Damm it! Nikki doesn’t understand either.

Tommy. Tommy is his last chance.

But, of course he wasn’t there. The barman said he took a bottle of Jack and split, maybe to the terrace to smoke some dope or something like that.

That little shit….

The moment Nikki finally finished going up a thousand steps from those stupid stairs, he saw it. For a moment he didn’t recognize the person, but a minute later he figured out who it was.

-Hey man! – he said trying to sound less as a jerk.

Jani Lane turned his neck to check Nikki out, a very confused look in his eyes.

-Ah, hey man. – he answered.

Nikki smiled, he knew why Jani Lane was acting like that. He was Nikki fucking Sixx, the worst bad boy of the metal world. He was from the band with the worst reputation on the scene, the infamous Motley Crue and as far as he knew, he was the worst of the four of them.

-Did you see Tommy? – he asked and Jani made a little gesture with his neck, indicating two people talking next to the edge of the building.

-Your twin is there. – Jani said.

-Is there the Bon Jovi girl?

-She’s not the Bon Jovi girl. Her name is Lizzy.

-I didn’t ask and I don’t care. – Nikki said immediately. – anyways, good night man.

-I thought you wanted to talk to Tommy Lee.

-I did, but he’s clearly having more fun with her, maybe I’ll talk to him tomorrow after she leaves his room.

Jon

When Jon entered his friend's room, Lizzy was still asleep, but what was that? Wasn't she crazy about all this being late thing? Didn't she freak out every time he was late? What the hell...?

-Liz! - He said loudly opening the curtains to let the sun in, while doing so Lizzy turned to the other side grumbling. - Lizzy, stand up!

She sat on the bed with some difficulty, grumbling still with her eyes closed and then Jon noticed, was it a hangover?

-Lizzy, did you drink yesterday?

She made a “a little” gesture with one hand as she struggled to get on her feet.

-After dinner? - a positive nod with the head while getting out of bed.

Lizzy wobbled toward the bathroom and then Jon realized it had been more than a little.

-What did you drink?

-Daniel’s.

-How many shots?

-A bottle.

Fuck.

-Alone? What the fuck Lizzy.

She shook her head.

-At least that, who drank with you?

She dragged herself towards the bathroom.

-No one, I drank mine and he drank his.

-He? - oh no, the only name that flashed in Jon's mind was Sebastian. - who is he?

-Do you really want to talk about it now? She asked, accelerating her step towards the bathroom and then Jon noticed that her friend was going to be sick.

- But shit, Lizzy.

-I'm leaving in a minute. -Was all she said before she slammed the door.

Jon remained in her room, sitting on the bed waiting for his friend to leave the bathroom, the image of Sebastian floating in his mind.

When she left the bathroom, Lizzy was wearing only one towel wrapped around her hair and another around her body.

-Want to tell me who you drank with yesterday?

-Can you leave so I can change? - she said simply. - as far as I know we're already late.

He didn't argue, he simply decided to obey, after all the meeting was more important than the fact that Lizzy had probably spent the night with Sebastian.

When she left the room Jon saw that she was really beautiful, she was wearing a black hat, her hair was in disarray and she also wore a pair of sunglasses, that is, hangover.

-Let's go?

The two went side by side to the hotel auditorium, Jon was surprised to see that when they got there the meeting had not yet started, after all there were still some bands to appear.

When the two finally sat down, Jon turned towards the door to see who was missing, when he saw Sebastian coming in, his long hair was wet, but he didn't seem to have slept through the night and even worse to have drunk an entire bottle of whiskey. . Had his resistance increased?

Jon couldn't look away from the singer as he entered and then, behind him, a scene caught his eye.

Jani Lane, he was walking slowly, wearing sunglasses and a tired face, as he walked into the auditorium, Jon saw him yawning at least four times, but what ...?

He looked at Lizzy, the girl was looking at nowhere, when she realized that Jon was looking at her, she looked away from him and as she did so she saw Sebastian and Jani enter.

Jon focused on her reaction and what he saw made him breathe a sigh of relief, Lizzy didn't move, smile or even frown, she just didn't seem to see anyone and stared at nothing.

Jani simply leaned on the counter and stared straight ahead, if the two of them had spent the night drinking together, they seemed to want to be discreet about that on the next day.

After the meeting and deciding which bands would be the opening ones and which ones would be the main ones, Lizzy got up and went on her way, Jon had to almost run to catch up with her.

-Hey why are you running?

-I'm not running, I'm just hungry.

-Jani? - he said simply. - Did you spend the night drinking with Jani Lane or am I mistaken?

She stared at him, one hand on her hips as she was used to doing when she was angry.

-What?- she said simply removing her sunglasses and staring at him steadily. - I spent the night drinking but wasn’t with Jani, I was with someone else, we talked, we laughed and got drunk, anything else?

What would he answer? He didn't have the right to get involved in her life, did he? No of course not.

-You spent the night doing what?

Okay, now it was starting to get ugly.

Sebastian was behind her, Lizzy turned quickly, tossing her long hair in a carefree way and staring at her ex, Sebastian was looking at her steadily.

-Is it your business? -She asked looking at him.

-You spent the night with Jani Lane, is that it?

-I said it wasn’t with Jani, are you deaf?

-So if it wasn’t with him, who was it with?

-Me. Do you have a problem with it? - the voice did not come out of Jon's mouth or Lizzy's, Tommy Lee approached walking slowly in the direction where the three were, Jon rolled his eyes, that was going to be ugly

-Lee I'm not talking to you. - Sebastian said simply. - I think you better go.

-No I think you better go, Sebastian. - Lizzy said quickly. - if there is someone who needs to turn around and get the fuck out, it is you.

Sebastian didn't seem to believe it while Lizzy spoke.

-You have no space in this conversation and even worse in my life, so please, disappear.

Jon thought he was going to react and he was ready for the fight when he saw something that just took the action out of him and seemed to take Sebastian's out too. Tommy Lee approached Lizzy, turning her back on Sebastian as if he didn't exist and after lowering his sunglasses, he looked at her closely.

- Do you have time for coffee? -He asked simply.

-Of course. - Lizzy said with a smile.

-So let's go?

Jon couldn't hide his smile when he saw Tommy reach out to her and Lizzy intertwine her arm around his as they left laughing out loud, it was a great way to make Sebastian angry. Ok he didn’t like the idea of her out and about with anyone of the Motley Crue guys, but, it was nice to see Sebastian dying inside.

Tommy

He was nervous, he didn't know if he had done the right thing, as he walked beside Lizzy in the direction of the hotel's restaurant, he felt a little strange.

-Look, thanks. - she said when the two sat at a table in a hidden corner. - but, you don't really need to have coffee with me.

- Am I that bad of a company?-Tommy asked and Lizzy smiled, seemed to have reminded what she said in the night before.

-Of course it isn't, I just thought you came with me to get rid of Sebastian.

-He doesn't give up, does he?

-No. - she said simply removing her sunglasses and placing them on the table. - I think by far, Sebastian Bach was the worst mistake of my life.

-I can not understand. - Tommy said without bothering to be thick or nosy. - sorry for the intrusion, but what did you see in it?

She smiled, tossing her hair aside, and in that instant Tommy noticed something, there was something different about that girl, something he couldn't quite identify and that was intriguing him.

-I met him through Bon Jovi, Skid Row was starting, opening Bon Jovi shows and well, he was the Bad Boy everybody said no to, so I said yes ... Yeah, I'm a fucking cliché.

-Then this make two of us. - he said smiling. - the girl that everyone wanted, I entered the dispute and ended up taking it, I shouldn't have done it, in fact I don't even know why I did it, I paid the price later.

-Are you talking about Pamela?

-Yeah.

-How long were you together?

-Almost two years. You and Sebastian?

-Almost that too, it didn't last anymore because I think if it lasted at least another day we would both be in prison cells.

- Was it that bad?

She just nodded.

-Wow.

-Yeah, yeah, wow. But if you don't mind, I don't want to talk about Sebastian and even worse about Pamela Anderson.

-And what do you want to talk about?

-Anything, from you, me, the weather, the bands, the tour, or the bread they just served us.

Tommy laughed out loud feeling a strange lightness as she did, seeing him smile Lizzy smiled in his direction which made him feel even better, Pamela used to scold him when he laughed out loud saying he was dragging too much attention and looking like an idiot.

-Sorry. – he said suddenly feeling embarrassed, Lizzy still stared at him with a smile on her lips. - I exaggerate sometimes.

She didn't move, she still looked at him with a smile.

-What's it? - Tommy asked feeling suddenly bad, he was embarrassed for sure.

-Your smile, there's something about it that just makes me want to smile too. - she said surprising him in every possible way. - you smile with ease, lightness, I've never seen anyone smile like that before.

-I am exaggerated I know.

-No, it's spontaneous, in fact it's charming.

Tommy didn't know what to say, in fact he knew that next to her, he wouldn't know what to say for a long time.

-Do you go out with me tonight? - she asked taking him by surprise, Tommy even choked on the coffee he was drinking.

-Go out with you? - he asked as if he wanted to assimilate the situation.

-Yes, a bar, anything, I'm not in the mood to stay in the hotel today, you know? And then? What do you say?

What would he say? That it was clear. He was dying to make the invitation, since he had seen Lizzy with Sebastian on the first day.

-Of course. – he said simply with a smile. -it will be great.

Of course he didn’t know that THAT night out would be the start of something ugly and really dangerous.

3 notes · View notes

vampirrediaries · 4 years

Text

Enemies Of The State : Dark!Klaroline {4}

summary:

This fiction follows the events of just how Klaus Mikaelson and Caroline Forbes lost everything that tied them to their humanity, leading them into something neither of them can come back from.

———————

{10 years ago}

She was bloody. Sweet, red ecstasy dripping from her mouth as her fangs protruded, swiftly sinking them into another helpless victim once more. She felt nothing but satisfaction as it ran down her throat, hungry for more. Humanity was nowhere to be found. He stood beside his queen, proud as she cracked her victim’s neck, staring at her with love and lust. He was always insatiable for power as they made it rain blood. He kissed her bloodstained lips when she looked at him, whispering with a deathly tone “It’s you and me, my sweet Caroline. You and me ruling the world forever,”

Caroline suddenly woke up with a jolt, heavily breathing.

“What was that,” She whispered to herself, trying to wrap her head around what had just happened. That was the first time she dreamt of him. It was also the first time she’d dreamt of her bloodlust.

The events of yesterday rushed into her mind quickly. The phone call with Klaus, Rebekah’s house...how she threatened Damon so much he fled her house in an instant. Caroline shivered as the memory of her actions came to her. It confused her. Caroline figured out she liked what she did to Damon, and it terrified her. This wasn’t her. She was good. Sweet, bubbly Caroline who needed to be good.

Yes, she needed to be good. But what did she want to be?

Caroline shook her head, trying to get rid of these thoughts. Get yourself together she thought as she got up from her bed. Looking outside her window drearily, the heavy rain matched her mood perfectly. School was the last thing on her mind, and it was Monday. Caroline only wanted to remain in her room after yesterday, and she felt as though she deserved a break from the hysteria that was surrounding her constantly.

What she did want was blood, and even then she felt irked to go near it after her dream. When did life become so difficult?

The door to her room opened as Caroline was about to get something to eat. Her mother looked tired, leaning against the doorframe “Hey, honey”

“Long shift at the office last night?” Caroline gave Liz a weary smile, to which she returned. “We were working on a case late, animal attack”

“It was probably Stefan,” Caroline joked. Liz raised an eyebrow. She forgot how her mother didn’t find vampire jokes funny, trying to change the topic quickly.

“So, what’s up?”

“I wanted to tell you Elena called. It seemed urgent so you might wanna call her back,” Liz said as she backed out of the room. Caroline groaned. She did not want to meet her friends today, not after being emotionally and physically drained yesterday.

She quickly makes her way to her phone, turning it back on to find Elena had given her four missed calls. She couldn’t help but feel annoyed, Elena had probably gotten herself into another vampire mess and needed help. Hastily pressing down on the contact, she brought it up to her ears. Elena answered immediately.

“I’ve been trying you all morning, Caroline” Elena said sharply. She simply rolled her eyes, falling back on her bed.

“Sorry, I just woke up”

Elena breathed heavily through the phone. “Can you come around in a few hours?”

“I’m not feeling great today” She groans, hoping her friend would say that they could meet some any time other than today.

“It’s important, Caroline” Elena said with seriousness. She knew she couldn’t get out of it at this point, hesitantly telling the doppelgänger that she’d be there before hanging up.

Caroline sighed, running her fingers through her blonde locks in thought of what Elena could’ve gotten herself into that she needed her. I really cannot catch a break, can I? Maybe she should just disappear. She’d never been to Paris before. Her mind immediately drifted off to the night of the Mikaelson ball when Klaus showed her his paintings. I’ll take you. Wherever you want. Rome, Paris...Tokyo?

Caroline felt a deep pang in her chest. It was as though every memory she had of him hurt her just as much as his call did. They were nice ones, her favourite being the time he stole her Miss Mystic application. She smiled faintly, that being the start of when she slowly fell for him.

Caroline shook her head. That phone call was the last she’d ever hear from him. She repeated herself this often when she started to miss him a little too much. It was times like these when she wished she was human, missing not feeling such emotions at a heightened degree.

“Well this is quite depressing to watch,”

Rebekah Mikaelson stood in Caroline’s room with a bored look on her face. The young vampire jumped at the intrusion, groaning when she found the Original leaning against her bedroom wall.

“Has nobody told you to knock?,” Caroline hisses. Rebekah shrugged nonchalantly, pulling herself off as she looked around her room. “I like your room. Very human.”

“Can you tell me what you could possibly want at ten in the morning?,” She got straight to the point. Dealing with Rebekah was the last thing she needed right now.

“I wanted to ask you about your rather alarming visit yesterday, but it seems by your attitude you’ve already dealt with your issues with my brother”

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Caroline said sharply “But I’ve handled it”

“So you do have a thing for him,” Rebekah chuckled. “I didnt know you liked sociopaths, Caroline”

“Kindly get out if there’s nothing else you want to talk about” She angrily diverted the conversation. If she wanted Klaus out of her life for good, she needed to avoid his family members, including his bitchy sister.

“You should be nicer to me,” Rebekah said sharply “I even delivered your little message this morning”

“That wasn’t necessary-”

“I’m sure he won’t be a bother to you or your little group anymore,” Rebekah hastily cut her off. Caroline felt her face drop. She wanted him to not be a bother, right? She wasn’t the best at knowing what she wanted, even as a human. Rebekah noticed Caroline’s sudden expression change, rolling her eyes as she sat down on her unmade bed.

“Nik only cares about himself,” She tried explaining. “He’ll break you. Tear you apart. I think the only person who’d be suitable for him is someone without humanity”

Humanity.

Caroline often thought about turning it all off sometimes. More times than usual following the events of the day before. She wanted to when she broke down in the middle of the street, when her father died....when she liked the power she felt attacking Damon. She’d never done it before, which had made it all the more tempting. Especially since the predatory nature she bore was coming out of her more than usual.

“Humanity is a vampire’s greatest weakness,” Caroline murmured to herself. Klaus had said that once, whispering it in her ear on the front porch when he had shown Tyler mercy. She inwardly smiled at the thought.

“Right well i’m going to school,” Rebekah got up, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder. “I have a dance to plan. You coming?”

“I’m skipping, actually”

“You really are changing,” The Original scoffed as she made her way out of the bedroom. Caroline fell back on her bed in exasperation. Even Rebekah saw it, and she wasn’t surprised in the slightest.

She spent the next few hours by taking a shower and snacking on blood bags. She even took out one of her favourite things she’d ever received, the drawing that Klaus had left on her bed. Thank you for your honesty, written on the bottom right corner on the parchment in his neat handwriting. Her heart clenched. No, she wouldn’t ever throw it away. Not this.

Her phone rang a few minutes later, Elena’s name shone on the screen like it was taunting her in some way. She put down the drawing beside her, hastily picking up her phone. “Elena, i’m coming okay?”

“Everyone’s just waiting for you Caroline. I told you to be here in a few hours?” Elena heavily sighs on the other end. Why would all of her friends be waiting on her? They usually pay no mind and start talking about whatever trouble they’ve gotten themselves in without her. She wasn’t important in any means.

“I’m on my way,” Caroline says before cutting the call, but as she reached for her purse, the drawing caught her eye. Caroline was paranoid, and she knew Liz snooped in her room sometimes. Her drawer didn’t have a lock on it either. Hesitantly, she carefully placed the parchment into one of the pockets of her purse. It was small, nobody would know unless they looked into it.

At least you haven’t changed being paranoid as hell. Pulling on her shoes hastily, she walks out the door eager to get Elena’s thing done with so she could go back to being invisible.

She reaches Elena’s house in a few minutes, standing outside on the porch as she peers into the window that looked into the living room. Her friends were all there, including Damon. She felt anxious, gathering her will to knock on the door.

Elena immediately opens up, her face sullen and serious, she doesn’t greet the vampire as she simply steps aside. Caroline walks in confused. Her friend had never acted so deviant towards her before, and it was for this reason her nerves went through the roof. Surely it wasn’t because of her, right?

She began questioning this when Bonnie, Matt and Stefan all stood next to the fireplace, a serious expression painted on their faces when she reached the living room. Damon Salvatore gave Caroline a glare as hostile as ever. Her anxiety was heightened at this point, dreading what she knew was inevitable, yet holding on to hope that it was not what she thought.

“So, what’s this about?” She asked tiredly, not knowing the storm that was about to happen shortly after. Elena calmy walked towards the blonde vampire, arms crossed.

“We know, Caroline”

She froze instantly. No.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Elena”

“Seriously?” Elena says with a raised voice “Damon told us everything. There’s no point in denying it”

They weren’t supposed to know. They were never supposed to know.

“What exactly do you think I did?” Caroline asked, her voice wavering.

“Let’s start with how you went all Barbie Klaus on me,” Damon spat out, referencing his name on purpose. She could see it in his eyes. He longed to call her out. She stiffened.

“Because you threatened me! You followed me around and had the nerve to show up thinking you could mess with my head-”

“Wait,” Stefan interrupted in the middle of her sentence “ What exactly did he threaten you with Caroline?”

Damon smirked with a merciless look in his eyes. The same look he gave Caroline the day before. The one that said got you. She quickly figured it out. Damon hadn’t told them about Klaus. Damon was waiting on her so he could tell the truth in front of everyone, making her suffer just as she wanted him to.

“Well that’s the fun part of this whole thing,” Damon clapped his hands tauntingly, turning his amused gaze towards Caroline. “Should I tell them or should you?”

She felt her heart in her throat, wordlessly pleading him not to as she remained still, knowing what was inevitably coming. “Blondie has been lying to you all,”

“Damon. Please,” Caroline’s voice cracked weakly. She couldn’t move. The older Salvatore brother merely gave her a sadistic look.

“What is he talking about?” Elena asked sharply. The air was thick with tension as her friends waited impatiently for some clarification. Caroline felt faint, wishing she could disappear in the moment more than ever. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was supposed to forget about him, without letting the people she cared about know her betrayals against them. The room felt at a loss for words with the next that followed.

“Caroline,” Damon spat out mercilessly “Is in love with Klaus Mikaelson.”

—————

There was a storm going on when Klaus went over to the cemetery in order to finish what the Deveraux witch had started once and for all.

It all looked very diabolical when the lightening cracked above, the rain heavy as Klaus took Sophie Deveraux roughly by the arm, dragging her towards the grave he had dug for her when he was done with the deed.

“You shouldn’t have meddled with my life Love,” Klaus spat out venomously as Sophie looked hopeless as ever dangling by his grip. “This is the fate my enemies meet, and it will now be your own.” Klaus swiftly pulled her up, his hand against her chest, ready to take her heart when Sophie weakly said her next words.

“You can’t stop what’s coming,”

Klaus narrowed his eyes at the witch, interested in what she had to say before he killed her, he roughly asked what she meant.

“I saw it,” Sophie meekly said “I saw what would happen if you lived another day. I couldn’t let that happen.”

“What did you see?,” He demanded sharply. Sophie looked terrified now, the type of look that he’d expected her to have when she was brought here to die. The witch looked as if a horrible memory came back to her.

“Your humanity, Klaus” She said shakily “It wasn’t there. T-The both of you are going to start something you can never come back from,”

“What do you mean the both of you?,” Klaus growled with impatience. “Answer me, you incessant witch!”

“I’d rather die than to live in the world you’ll soon create.” Sophie coughed, rain mixing with the blood staining her mouth as she whispered her last words.

“You can’t stop what’s coming.”

Klaus had enough at this point. The witch obviously wasn’t going to give up what she knew, and it was for this he ravenously plunged his hand in her chest.

Sophie Deveraux went wide eyed, blood filling her mouth as it dripped on her rain soaked clothing. Klaus left his hand against her rapidly beating heart, evidence that she was fighting for her life. He chuckled mercilessly wanting her to suffer before giving her the peace of death.

“You witches truly are the bane of my existence,” He said, shooting daggers with his eyes as the dying witch begged for him to end her suffering, choking on her blood. He finally complied, swiftly grabbing ahold of the organ as he ripped it out.

Sophie went limp with death in his hands. Klaus felt satisfaction as he roughly tossed her body in the shallow grave, along with her heart. However, he couldn’t help but feel conflicted with what little information he’d been given about his future. Perhaps she was just trying to antagonise him. Klaus scoffed, uncertain yet satisfied he dealt with the reason he came here for in the first place.

You can’t stop what’s coming. Your Humanity. It wasn’t there.

Klaus calmy walked away from the scene, wiping his bloody hands on his jeans as he thought about it. Yes, he knew things would escalate on another level with his humanity gone. He had never turned it off for this very reason. He had gone through horrific events, yet he kept it intact.

Caroline Forbes was one of the things that tethered him to his humanity, the reason he helped Katherine to live. Rebekah had surprisingly called him that morning, letting him know that she wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He expected it after the phone call, but it didn’t hurt less either.

He shivered thinking about what he would do if Elijah killed Caroline, had he not given a damn about his vain lover. His family was another aspect to his humanity, he loved them unconditionally, even though they were placed in a box for centuries on end.

Yes, Klaus knew the consequences if anything were to happen to either of the two, which is why he went to great lengths to protect them. The witch was right, but the future she’d told him was a future he would make sure would never happen if he had anything to do with it. The question remained on his mind, however.

Who was the other person?

——————

masterlist

19 notes · View notes

danceworshipper · 4 years

Text

Tessa and Gracie Friendship Quizzes

I've seen so many people do this (started by @hogwartsmysterystory I believe) and I wanted to try it out! Even if no one tries them it was still fun to make. Some of these aren't based in "canon" but on what I've written in my little fics.

Gracie Chiva is a deadly force to be reckoned with when she wants to be. Her loyalty to the people she loves can translate into a willingness to do anything.

Tessa Chiva is a deeply caring individual with a quick mind. Her strategizing abilities can help almost anyone in any situation, if only they know how to ask.

Meal With a Friend: Gracie

Alright, let's see how much you know about my curse.

How old was I when I was cursed?

1: 11

2: 12

3: 10

What object will kill me if I lose it?

1: My necklace

2: My wand

3: My pocket knife

What kind of intrusive thoughts does the curse give me?

1: I want to run away to the forest

2: I want to hurt people

3: I want to drown in the lake

Who is the only person who knows the full extent of my curse?

1: Rowan

2: Merula

3: Tessa

Who cursed me?

1: Mad Eye Moody

2: Patricia Rakepick

3: Peter Pettigrew

What does the curse cause me to be immune to?

1: Mind warping spells and poisons

2: Poisons and Legilimancy

3: Legilimancy and mind warping spells

Who in my family reacted worst to my curse?

1: My mother

2: Jacob

3: My father

Meal With a Friend: Tessa

What do you know about pureblood customs?

Who is typically the leader of the household?

1: The oldest member

2: The husband

3: The wife

What decides a child's importance?

1: How old they are compared to their siblings

2: How conventionally attractive they are

3: How easily manipulated they are

How is a suitable husband or wife picked?

1: There would be some benefit to each family

2: It's based on birthday

3: The children can choose for themselves

What is the most disgraceful way to die, according to pureblood customs?

1: At the hands of an assailant

2: Killing themself

3: Passing away in prison

Which of these common prejudices is not shared by my mother?

1: Prejudice against the poor

2: Prejudice against homosexuals

3: Prejudice against muggles

Which of us is the biggest disgrace, according to my father?

1: Me

2: Jacob

3: Gracie

Which of these careers would be unacceptable for me to have?

1: Magizoologist

2: Professional Quidditch Player

3: Cursebreaker

Gobstones: Gracie

I've never lost a match, just so you know.

Do you like gobstones?

1: It's the best game

2: Wizard's chess is better

3: I hate gobstones

Ugh, why do they smell so bad?

1: I can't smell anything

2: You smell worse

3: They smell great

Don't you dare try to distract me.

1: I think I just saw Jacob

2: I would never do that

3: I know what you did to Rowan

My mind is starting to wander...

1: Thinking about Merula?

2: Thinking about Charlie?

3: Thinking about Tulip?

I need to focus here.

1: I'll leave you to it.

2: Do you think Crups should be banned?

3: Do you even like sandwiches?

I can't lose this match!

1: I'll bet ten galleons you lose

2: It's only a game

3: You're terrible at this

Whose turn even is it?

1: I've already won

2: I haven't been keeping track

3: It's been your turn for five minutes

Gobstones: Tessa

I'm the absolute best at gobstones!

Are you ready to lose?

1: It's a fair game

2: I'm doomed

3: Are you?

Nothing can distract me.

1: Someone's about to spill a potion on you!

2: Barnaby is cheating on you!

3: Gracie said she hates you!

I've only ever lost to Gracie...

1: You just aren't as smart as her

2: I can believe that

3: She probably cheated

You're not playing how I expected.

1: Your Legilimancy must be weak

2: I'm not your average opponent

3: Are you insulting me?

My head kind of hurts.

1: You might need a snack

2: You might need a nap

3: You might need a drink

This is going to be humiliating.

1: More than being related to Jacob?

2: More than being in your sister's shadow?

3: More than being so weak?

I can't let you win!

1: You'll make a comeback

2: It's inevitable

3: Don't give up

Butterbeer: Gracie

How much have you learned about me?

What's my dream job?

1: A professor

2: A cursebreaker

3: A potions master

Who was my first kiss?

1: Rowan

2: Charlie

3: Merula

Who can't my crazes target?

1: Family

2: Romantic partners

3: Enemies

What noise makes me want to die?

1: Nails on a chalkboard

2: Chewing

3: Quills on parchment

What's my sexuality?

1: Bisexual

2: Lesbian

3: Pansexual

Who did I love the most as a child?

1: Jacob

2: My father

3: My grandmother

What's my favorite color?

1: Green

2: Blue

3: Purple

Butterbeer: Tessa

Let's see how well you actually know me.

What's my Animagus form?

1: A cardinal

2: An osprey

3: A sparrow hawk

What's my favorite dinner food?

1: Angel hair pasta

2: Steak tips

3: Chicken teriyaki

Who's my best friend?

1: Penny

2: Liz

3: Badeea

Who did I have a crush on before Barnaby?

1: Diego

2: Bill

3: Felix

What's my biggest insecurity?

1: Your body

2: Your intelligence

3: Your magical strength

What am I most attracted to, personality wise?

1: Kindness

2: A sense of humor

3: Sass

What Quidditch position do I play?

1: Chaser

2: Keeper

3: Beater

#hogwarts mystery #hphm mc #gracie chiva #tessa chiva #friendship quiz

4 notes · View notes

sapphic-sex-ed · 4 years

Note

This is really awful, but I think I have a fetish for certain disabilities?? It feels so so terrible to write it out or think about it, I didn't choose it. And what's worse is I want to be a doctor. Can I still. Be an ethical human?? Be an ethical doctor????? I'm sorry this is so awful.

Take a deep breath, anon, and let’s talk this through. If you want further advice you can also direct message my private blog @gaygay--astronaut for easier communication.

First, let’s break down what you’re telling me here: a) you suspect you have a fetish for certain disabilities, b) you feel bad about it, and c) you are wondering how you can practice your future career as a doctor without being predatory towards your patients.

a) what are the reasons you suspect this? How does this manifest? Sometimes, intrusive thoughts can be mistaken for kinks, for example. Is this mandatory/something you need, or just something that heightens your arousal. What is it about it that turns you on? The power dynamics? The physical manifestations of some disabilities? Is it all types of disabilities or just some? What sets those apart, if so?

b) it’s understandable to feel guilty over these feelings. Just like any marginalized group, disabilities and disabled bodies are fetishized in ways that dehumanize the people who live with them. However, you do not control feelings. You do control your actions which leads me to

c) depending on what types of disabilities that you feel aroused by, and what type of doctor you would want to become, it depends. If the disabilities concerned are neurodevelopmental and you want to become a psychiatrist, that’d be very not ideal. But all doctors meet all kinds of patients.

Related to a), it’d also depend on what it is you fetishize, and to what degree. Would it feel different than treating a patient you just found very attractive? I’m sure there are foot doctors with foot fetishes and tbh if I go to one of them, as long as I don’t know about it I wouldn’t care.

Of course, here I suspect your guilt is deeper rooted than simply that, originating more in people with disabilities’ status as a marginalized group which as a doctor you’d hold a very great power over. There I really feel the issue would be dehumanization. But doctors already dehumanize the disabled - minimizing their voices and own experiences with their own bodies and minds. Sexual dehumanization is another layer on that, sure, but you would already have to work to actively combat your own ableism. I can’t talk any more specifically about your situation because I don’t know more, but again feel free to PM me as it’s easier for communication purposes.

This situation is very complex. If you don’t want to message me, or even if you do, I’d also advise talking to a counselor/therapist. Together you can sort through this all and set up goals and strategies fit for you.

-mod liz

#mod liz #anonymous #ableism tw #dehumanization #kink tw #tw fetishization

6 notes · View notes

mskinkyafro · 5 years

Text

Meet the Watsons (Aubrey x MC) - Part 2

A/N: I’m so so so so sorry this took forever to be posted and continued! I’m back in college and still work and my major is focused in writing so the free time I’m writing is dedicated to my scripts and not really fanfics anymore. However, I’m determine to finish this mini series eventually and I finally felt after this sat in my drive, it’s worth posting. I think this mini series will only have five parts. So three more after this one. Thank you for being patient and still interested in this series.

Rating: PG

Summary: Viola and Aubrey get ready to meet his family for dinner. First impressions aren’t everything, are they?

(All thoughts are italicized and in parentheses)

After spending some much needed time together after Aubrey’s family intrusion, the two got dressed and headed toward Viola’s apartment so she can grab a fresh set of clothes. Twenty minutes later Viola and Aubrey stand outside her door as she fumbles in her purse looking for her keys.

“I know I put them here...Ah ha!”

She jiggles the key ring in the air before she inserts it and unlocks her apartment door. As she opens the door and steps in followed by Aubrey, she can make out the sounds of rushing pitter pattering. Just as she sees a blur of fur turn around the corner from her hallway, Viola hears a voice immediately fill the air.

(“Is that mommy? She’s finally home! I missed her so much!)

Viola bends down and scoops up her puppy as he collided with her.

“Hello Underoos. I missed you too baby.”

Setting him back down, he focused on Aubrey who was standing close by. She hears his chuckles as he bends on his knee to give the energetic puppy the attention he seeks. As she walks further down the hallway to reach her room she hears a sassy tiny voice.

(“About time she showed up. I didn’t get my nightly rubs.”)

Viola enters through her bedroom door that’s opened ajar and finds Fauna, peaking one eye open to look at her lounging on top of the bed.

Striding toward her closet to pick out an outfit she tells Fauna.

(“I see you definitely missed me as well, oh spoiled one.”)

Before she walked deeper into the closet, Viola can make out Fauna’s thought.

(“More like your absence was noticed. And you knew my standards from the jump, sister.”)

Inside Viola giggles to herself.

“Oh never change Fauna.”

She searches through her racks of clothes but doesn’t find anything until she spots an old unworn outfit that was hiding in the very back. She dresses quickly and exits her closet while doing a slow twirl.

“So what do you think?”

Aubrey who has moved from the living room now sits on the edge of the bed with Underoos laying by his feet and Fauna on his lap purring as he rubs her fur. He turns his attention from the kitten, and his jaw falls open.

“Viola...just...wow.”

Viola smiles as she smooths down her clothes. Dressed in a white short-sleeved, boat neck cut high-low top, dark-washed distressed jeans that hugged her curves, and brown open-toed wedges she makes her way in front of Aubrey.

Aubrey gently moves the cat aside on the bed and outstretches his hands so that she can fit in his embrace.

“It’s not too casual right? I have to make a good impression. I mean this is your mom! Plus I want to make up for the fact that a quarter of your family saw me post-shower.” she asks rapidly.

Aubrey tugs Viola so she sits on his lap.

“Viola, you could be wearing the towel from earlier and still make a good impression.”

She rolls her eyes and pulls away from him.

“I’m serious! This is stressing me out! Also shouldn’t we stop to pick up something? Like wine? Is your mother a fan of wine? Better yet, red or white? Oh my god this is huge! I personally am partial to white but what if I buy the wrong bottle of wine?! What if she hates alcohol?! And I brought in the devil’s liquid in her home!

Viola continues to ramble on excessively and begins to pace to and fro in front of Aubrey until he gets up and stops her. He gently removes his hands from her shoulders to grasp her own hands and intertwine them slowly. Then he rests his forehead softly against hers and whispers.

“Okay...Viola just breathe. I’m going to count to three and I want you to just relax. Just think of you and me in this moment, okay?”

His eyes pierce into hers and Viola nods her head.

“Good. One...two...three...”

Standing there he watches as her eyes flutter shut and she inhales in and out. Not much time passes before she reopened her eyes and shyly looks away.

“I overacted a bit, didn’t I?

“Just a tad. It was adorable minus the part of you being upset. I hate seeing you upset.”

“It’s a crazy little tic of mine.” she says as she turns to meet his eyes.

“We all have them.”

“You’re right...thank you. You know, for dealing with me overloading.”

“Nothing to thank me for. I’d do anything for you. So anytime you overload, I’ll proudly be there to reboot you.”

Viola breaks out in a fit of giggles.

“God, you’re so dorky.”

“Well maybe but you know you love it.”

Viola untangles her hands so she can wrap her arms around his waist.

“I never said I didn’t.”

Aubrey smirks and leans down to press a small kiss on her lips.

“And fyi you look amazing. Don’t worry about impressing my Ma. If you couldn’t tell, the ones you’ve met adore you, so I know they put in a good word for you.”

“Really?”

“Yes! After you met Shiloh and Liz, both kept texting me about when they’ll see you again. Even Shiloh asked if she’ll finally have an aunt to join her, Liz, and Ma for their annual All-Girls Weekend. And since this morning the twins and Pop have been sending me texts asking all kinds of questions about you.”

“Wow. I...I didn’t think I made that big of an imprint with your family.”

“Well how could you not. You do the same to me everyday.”

“I swear, you are ridiculously sweet. I truly don’t understand how you make me feel like a...like a chocolate chip cookie that’s fresh out of the oven. All ooey-gooey inside.

Aubrey brings his hand to stroke through Viola’s hair.

“It’s the Watson’s charm. Beside you’re just as sweet. Maybe I can start calling you my Candy Girl?”

Viola moves her hands so they rest on his chest and shoots him a pointed look.

“Did you just reference New Edition?”

Aubrey smiles even brighter and his eyes light up as he takes a few steps away from Viola and breaks out into the famous elaborate dance routine of New Edition while singing obnoxiously.

“Candy girl...you are my world…you look so sweet...your a special treat.”

Viola walks up to him barely containing her laughter as she tries to stop him.

“Oh my god, okay okay. Simmer down. I can’t tell if I’m surprised at the fact you know New Edition or the fact you know them so well that you got the dance down and everything.”

“Soul and R&B music is truly a love of mine. I would make references to countless songs, whether it was Jackson 5 or even Boyz II Men but typical the girls I dated had no idea who I was talking about. Well now with the exception of you.”

“Hmm well that’s there lost. I guess they don’t know about this here.”

“Ooh very clever. Jon B fan on my hands.”

“Oh you are good.”

Aubrey smiles and checks his watch to look at the time.

“Oh it’s 5:20. And it’s about an hour drive to get to my parent’s place. Are you all set?

Viola immediately rushes into her bathroom and looks in the mirror, her hands roaming frantically through her curls.

“Ugh! I thought we had more time, there’s no way I can straighten my hair now.”

“I think it looks fine.” Aubrey calls out from the bedroom.

“Oh honey, you’re too kind but this on top of my head is a hot frizzy mess that needs to be contained in some way, if not with some heat. I guess I’ll just have to put it up quickly and add some product and just pray.”

Viola then grabs a hanging towel to cover her shoulders and her spray bottle full of water and spritzes her hair till it's moderately damp. Then she opens up one of her many creams and dabbles it through her hair which seems to make it curl and shine even more. She grabs her brush and brushes her hair and ties it into a high afro puff leaving some stray curls out as bangs.

Then smoothes out her edges until its to her liking and hangs the towel back in its original space.Looking over herself and content with how she looks she calls out to Aubrey again.

“What time is it now?”

“5:30 on the dot. It’s best to make our way now.”

“Okay.”

She walks out of her bathroom back into her room. Aubrey stands as she approaches.

“Ready?”

“Yes my purse is by the door and-- wait!”

“What?”

“I hate to leave my babies again by themselves. It's a little late for me to call Jaime to watch them or my Dad.”

“Well there’s plenty of room at my parent’s place. They love animals and maybe it will be nice for Underoos to run around in a big backyard and there's some yarn from my Ma unused knitting collection if Fauna’s interested.”

Viola notices Underoos body perk up as they talked and Fauna turn her attention to the humans and little voices fill the air.

(”Did I hear running and a yard?! Oh I always wanted to play in a big yard! Can I come mommy please?!”)

(”I heard yarn. I suppose I could grace myself to more humans, if that’s what it takes”.)

“Are you sure it’s okay they tag along with us?”

“It’s more than okay. Plus no one can resist these two.”

“If you say so.”

Viola turns to grab Underoos leash and Fauna’s travel carrier.

“Looks like you two are coming with.”

Underoos tail wags faster and Fauna jumps from her spot on the bed to stand next to the excited puppy.

(Yay!)

(Yarn here I come.)

Viola chuckles softly to herself and gathers the animals and all together they leave and head to Aubrey’s car.

After about an hour drive and one quick stop at a store, Viola and Aubrey with the pets in tow arrive in Hartfeld and at Aubrey’s childhood home.

As she exits the car and gets out her pets she can’t help but admire the charming baby blue colored two-story home with intricate hedges and flower bushes.

Holding Underoos leash in one hand and a bottle of Pinot Grigio in the other as Aubrey grabs Fauna’s carrier they all make their way to the front door.

“You okay?”

“Yeah I really am.”

Right as Aubrey is about to knock he realizes the front door is actually cracked open and voices that were quiet grow louder and louder by the second. Confused he pushes the door open and the smell of something burning hits both of their noses. As they step through the threshold Aubrey calls

“Hello! I’m home! And I brought Viola!”

But his voice seemed to be drowned out by the bickering in the next room.

“Oww! Liz can you shut up and stop screeching!”

“Yeah, Liz chill for second!”

“Next time I’m in charge when mom’s out the room, because this is like the Anniversary dinner of ‘03 all over again!”

“Kids I leave for 15 minutes and you set my kitchen on fire?! Where’s your father?!”

Aubrey shuts the door and gestures for Viola to follow and they turn the corner past a wall. When they pushed the swing door open they see the oven door open with flames, Liz next to it crammed in a counter corner with Jasper and Forrest with Aubrey’s mother who seems to be in the middle of getting dressed with her robe and curlers in her head staring all three down. Auibrey shouts loud enough so that he’s heard this time.

“We’re here!”

Finally the rest of the family stops talking and turn toward the two. Before they could react, bursting through the other entrance to the kitchen is Aubrey’s father with a fire extinguisher and sprays it blinding hitting the oven flames but also dowsing his children.

“Its handle kids so don’t get your mother...Oh Sadie darling--.”

The older woman holds up her hand and silences her husband.

“I don’t want to hear it Richard. I’m going to finish changing and we’ll discuss this later. And that goes for you three as well.”

“Ma, are you serious? This was totally the twins fault-”

Jasper quickly cuts Liz off.

“Oh no, you had just as much responsibility as Forrest and-

The older woman steps toward her children and raises her voice.

“Enough! You all may be all grown up but once in this household that’s null and void. We all will be talking about this later. Do I make myself clear.” her voice is almost ice.

They all murmur a yes ma’am.

“Good, I expect all of you to get this place cleaned up including you, my darling husband.”

As soon as those words left her mouth the four of them start trying to clean up the mess of the foam and the burnt dinner. As they all shuffle around, Shiloh enters as she’s typing on her cellphone.

“Good news, Gram! I ordered Chinese and it will be here in another ten minutes!”

Smiling at her granddaughter Sadie makes her way to press a small kiss on her forehead.

“Aww. Oh you are just the most perfect grandchild a grandmother could have.”

Finally Sadie turns her attention back to her youngest and gives them a bright yet tired smile.

She walks toward the young couple and hugs her son first before hugging Viola.

“I’ll tell you Viola, being a Watson is no dull moment. So lovely to meet you in person dear. And who are the adorable creatures with you.

“Umm lovely to meet you too Mrs. Wats-”

“Oh honey you’re practically my daughter-in-law, please call me Sadie.”

“Before Viola respond she could hear Sadie’s voice clear as day.

(“My little baby not only introducing this woman to the family but bringing her home to me without a fuss?! She most definitely is the one. Plus the fact she hasn’t ran from our nonsense, she’ll fit in nicely.”)

Viola felt the blush hit her cheeks but ignored it so she speaks with much more confidence.

“Okay, heh Sadie this little guy is Underoos and the Sass Queen in the carrier is Fauna.”

Sadie pets Underoos as he licks her hand and then focuses on Fauna then turns back to the young couple.

“Just precious. Well I need to get myself more together. Oh and I see you brought wine! Sweetie, you don’t know how much I need this right now. Let me get changed and we’ll talk more when dinner arrives. ”

Sadie moves past the tow and head toward the stairs.

Viola says hello to the rest who are still finishing up cleaning then turns to let the animals out. Once she finishes Aubrey finds her and he wraps her in his arms.

“So I hope you’re no longer scared.

“I’m not. Your family is so quirky. And I mean that in the best way possible.”

“No, no, no it's true. I was hoping the entire drive here they wouldn’t embarrass me but I gave up because I knew it was inevitable.”

“Now I wouldn't say embarrass, more like entertainment.”

Smiling down at her Aubrey begins to lean down to kiss Viola when he’s interrupted by his older brother.

“Hey Snobery why don’t you stop hogging ya girl and share her with the rest of the family.”

He rolls his eyes as Viola laughs and tugged him along.

“Don’t you worry Jasper there’s enough of me to go around.”

Aubrey watches as Viola meshes easily with his family and he couldn't help but think to himself and unbeknownst to him, Viola hears him.

(“Everything seems to finally be falling in place.”)

Viola smiles to herself and thinks.

(“I couldn’t agree more.”)

Tagged: @playchoice-s @rain18rain @ohsnapitzlovehacker @cora-nova @jlpplays1

Anyone else that stumbles across this and enjoys this fic or pairing and liked to be added to the tag list let me know! Thank you for being patient y'all!

#wishful thinking #aubrey watson x mc #wt aubrey #aubrey x mc #Aubrey Watson x Viola Porchia #MEET THE WATSONS #choices wishful thinking #wishful thinking fanfiction

16 notes · View notes

beckzorz · 5 years

Text

Out of Nowhere (13/21)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/OFC Summary: An offhand comment at work draws Jesse Kaplan into the orbit of Bucky Barnes. Bucky’s excited at the prospect of normalcy, but there’s nothing normal about falling in love with the Winter Soldier. Words: 3276 A/N: The song for this chapter is “Just Squeeze Me” by Gordon Webster on Blues Til Dawn.

PART 13: “JUST SQUEEZE ME”

Considering its breakneck speed along the throughway, Bucky’s bike was oddly quiet. The dull thrum of other cars and the wind in her ears were more noticeable than the noise of the engine. Once again, Jesse was too distracted to keep track of where Bucky was taking her. Every time before, she’d worn a helmet, but there hadn’t been time to consider road safety when there were people with guns behind them. How could she focus on geography when she was overwhelmed by the wind on her open cut? By their closeness, and her arms wound around his waist and her cheek pressed tight against his back? Not to mention the stray intrusive thought of let go!

It was still well before dawn, and Jesse had no idea how long had passed since they’d escaped from Current Relief.

Bucky turned off the highway and took a circuitous route through Cobble Hill. Finally he pulled into a basement garage—a familiar garage, Jesse realized, even if its exact location eluded her. They took the elevator again, and as it went up, Jesse leaned against the back wall behind Bucky and pressed a finger to the reopened cut on her face. She winced. Her fingertip was shiny with blood, though none was running down her face anymore. She sucked the blood off her finger while Bucky was still facing away from her, silent and still save his oddly shallow breathing.

The difference from their first elevator ride together was enough to make Jesse’s eyes sting, though she didn’t cry. If only they could be so at ease with each other again, but now? Now it was impossible.

The elevator dinged, and Bucky pulled her along to his apartment door. His grip on her upper arm was solid, but not harsh like her captors had been. He didn’t make her skin crawl, or sting, or burn.

Bucky stood between her and the elevator down the hall as he unlocked his door, then quickly ushered her inside. He followed, relocked the door, and turned to inspect her. His expression was unreadable as he looked her up and down; she just stared at his face. He did not hold her gaze, nor even change his expression when their eyes met. His eyes did linger on her cut, and he shouldered past her to the kitchen. Jesse just stood in place, eyes closed, until she felt him looming by her again. She opened her eyes.

“Put this there,” Bucky ordered, pressing a damp paper towel to her open cut. The relief was immediate. Jesse took hold of it and he stepped back, though he also held out a protein bar. “Eat this. And sit down.”

Jesse faltered over to Bucky’s couch. She lowered herself down, toed off her shoes, and crossed her legs, resting her elbows on her knees. Her limbs felt heavy, as though her bones had turned to concrete. She was too drained to to turn and see what Bucky was doing; she couldn’t even tell if the noise was coming from the bedroom or the bathroom. Opening the protein bar and holding it up to eat was a trial in and of itself; the food stuck in her dry throat.

Well, they’d both made it back in one piece, apart from whatever amount of blood she’d lost. How did it compare to his other missions? The infiltration of Current Relief surely was a mess from the perspective of the man who had flawlessly executed clandestine assassinations for decades—under brainwashing, no less.

There was a lot to be disappointed about, all things considered. She’d fallen. She’d gotten hurt. She’d actually gone at all, which was what Bucky had objected to most. He might have been right. But she’d saved Mike from being shot at point-blank range, and no one had been killed. Not that she knew of, anyway.

Would Bucky have shot Liz, if not for her? Would he have tried to knock her out before she could shoot Mike? Or would he have let her do it? He’d been focused on keeping Jesse safe, at least until she jumped out into the open. From that point on, his hands had been tied. How much had her spur-of-the-moment decisions made him feel utterly powerless?

And her thoughtless retort…

Jesse shuddered. She lowered her hand, and the damp paper towel with it, and leaned over her crossed legs, pressing her free hand over her eyes.

Like a fucking serial killer.

How could she have said that to him? She knew what he’d been, and she tried not to let it affect their… acquaintanceship? She didn’t dare call it friendship, not when he’d never referred to her as a friend. She had never assumed anything with him, and yet in a moment that should have been triumphant, she’d called him the worst of all possible things. She squeezed her eyes shut. God, what must he think of her now? Foolish for her behavior, cruel for what she’d said to him. Would she ever be able to look him in the face again? How could he forgive her?

The couch dipped to her right; Jesse took a shallow breath and dropped her hand from her face.

Bucky had taken off his jacket and much of his tactical gear; all that remained was a holstered gun strapped to his leg. He’d rolled up the sleeves on his shirt too, baring his lower arms to her. His legs, torso, and upper arms were still fully covered—his boots were still on, even—but she’d still never seen so much of him bared.

“Turn this way,” he instructed.

Jesse shifted around to face him, her legs still crossed. She blinked. A first aid kit lay open on his other side. It was everything she’d need to bandage her face back up. She fiddled with the damp paper towel on her knee; it was beginning to soak through her jeans.

Bucky grabbed her chin and turned her head to inspect her cut. Jesse sucked in a breath at the feel of his hand—his flesh and bones hand—on her face. His fingertips were rougher than her own; his hands were cool from a recent wash. She stared over his shoulder at the fruit painting behind her. It wasn’t just oranges; there were apples, too. Bucky might know the painter, but Jesse didn’t have the courage to speak to him yet.

“Keep looking there.” Bucky dropped her chin and rummaged in the kit at his other hip. He made a little frustrated noise. Jesse winced.

“I can do it, if you like,” she offered.

Bucky leaned back and stared at her, and she flicked her eyes to him when he didn’t respond. Eventually, he shook his head, incredulous.

“Why do you hate to be taken care of?” he asked. “You…” He shook his head again, and this time he didn’t meet her gaze. He twisted his hands together between his legs; his arms clenched, sending the muscles of his right arm into stark definition. Jesse flushed and turned to hug her knees to her chest.

“I don’t hate it,” she said hesitantly. “But I shouldn’t be your problem.”

“My problem?”

“I’m not—I’m not supposed to be a problem to anyone. But especially not you.” Jesse didn’t dare look at him. Here she’d called noted reformed assassin Bucky Barnes a serial killer only an hour ago, and now… now they were having a heart-to-heart on his couch.

“Why the hell not?”

“This was supposed to be normal,” Jesse blurted. “You said so yourself! And if I could do that for you—”

“Jess,” Bucky interrupted. He put his prosthetic hand on her shoulder; she finally looked up at him. His face was unsmiling but still gentle, still sincere. “Normal isn’t worth being hurt. It’s… what did you say when we met? It’s the cost of doing business.”

“Things have gone way past business,” Jesse joked hoarsely. She couldn’t even remember saying that; how much did he remember? How much had he picked up on, over the last weeks? Did he know everything?

“You’re right,” Bucky said. The corners of his mouth quirked up. “Friends look out for each other, no?”

Friends. Jesse sighed. She couldn’t quite smile, but her heart warmed at finally being called his friend. “I was trying to do that, as much as I could, but… Well, I’m not very good at it, I guess.”

“Yes you are,” he argued. “You always did for me. Unless you were busy jumping in front of someone about to be shot.”

Jesse scratched the back of her neck and screwed up her mouth. “I didn’t mean to fuck everything up,” she said.

“You didn’t,” he told her. “Now face the damn painting and hold still.”

She did as she was told, though this time her eyes flitted to his face as he focused on her cut. He was focused, serious; for a moment he reminded her of the blond doctor’s businesslike manner, but Bucky’s hands were gentle on her skin. Even the metal one. The astringent burned something fierce; she clenched her teeth against the pain and tried to keep her head still.

As he rubbed a soothing ointment in with a gentle finger, he said, “Why don’t you let people worry about you?”

Jesse blinked. “What?”

“Whenever I’m worried, you shut it down, or you shut down.” He pressed a gauze pad to her temple and turned to fiddle in the first aid kit for body tape.

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said.

“Right now, yesterday with the notebook. The break-in at your apartment, for god’s sake.”

“That? I thought I was crazy!” Jesse exclaimed. “I thought I was imagining things. Why would I tell anyone about that?”

Bucky paused. “You didn’t tell anyone at all?”

“No, of course not,” Jesse answered, face pinched. “It’s like I said. I don’t want people to have to worry about me!”

Bucky shook his head. “I can’t help but worry about the people I care about. I don’t think anyone can help it, honestly.”

Jesse’s heart pounded in her chest. He cared about her? After all she’d done, and all she’d said? How was this possible?

“More to the point,” he continued, “I like you as you are. It’s the circumstances that suck. But none of that is your fault.” He finished taping the gauze onto her face, and he squeezed her shoulder. “All good.”

Jesse’s heart was too full for her to speak. She reached out and hugged him tight around the neck, pressing her face into his shoulder. She was afraid to look at him; she felt close to tears from his words. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone had said something so nice about her. Her work, sure; her dancing, of course. But about her?

She couldn’t remember.

Bucky slowly put a hand on her back; it was his natural hand, the warm one that he put around her when they were dancing. She’d missed this so much. Being held in his arms, even as little as now, was a balm even when she was miserable about him. Would that she could bottle this feeling. After a minute she even felt bold enough to speak.

“I’m so sorry for what I said,” she murmured. “I wasn’t thinking, and I said something awful, and I’m sorry.”

Bucky was quiet; for a moment he just rubbed a little circle on her back. “I get it,” he said. He pressed his face into her hair; his breath was warm on her scalp. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just… I was worried, Jess. I was worried.”

“You were right to be.” Jesse sighed. “Who jumped in front of a gun? It wasn’t you.”

Bucky pulled back just enough to look her in the face. A little smile played across his lips. She’d never been this close to him; her arms were still hooked around his neck. She looked away from his soft pink mouth—god, in another world she’d have the guts to throw caution to the wind and just kiss him—and met his eyes instead. Not that his eyes were any less distracting. There was something hesitant about them, something that made her want to comfort him. She was so close she could have counted his eyelashes. But she was too buried in the blue depths of his eyes.

“—your help,” Bucky was saying.

Jesse had been too focused on him to process what he’d said. She had to ask him to repeat himself; her cheeks burned, but he didn’t comment on her distractibility.

“You did a good thing, even though he in no way deserved your help.”

Jesse opened her mouth to respond, but Bucky cut her off.

“He’s the reason you went through hell. He could have taken your name off the list. He could’ve protected you at all. But he’s complicit, Jesse. He’s complicit.”

Her shoulders slumped. She unwound her arms from around his neck. Letting go felt like a loss, like an opportunity had passed and she’d fucked it up. She hugged herself and shook her head. “I know,” she said. “I know! But he still regretted it. He wanted to help me, in the end. He got Liz out, too.” She blinked. “I hope, anyway.”

“He should have gone to someone who could help,” Bucky argued. “Why did he have to get you involved?”

Jesse frowned at her lap. “He… he knew he’d see me,” she said slowly. “Maybe he couldn’t have stopped it.”

At that, Bucky scoffed. “It was a hazard to involve you. You’d seen two of them already!”

“Sure, but…” Jesse’s cut began to ache from her deep frown, but she ignored the pain and tried to think. The blond doctor had said something, when she’d first seen Jesse… “Wait,” she said. “Even the doctor—Dr. Faulk, I guess? Even she didn’t want me there. She asked who put me on their list. How could it have gotten to that point without her knowing? She seemed so in charge, at least compared to the others I saw. But I didn’t see the whole operation.”

“We’ll know more soon,” Bucky said darkly. He nodded at the kitchen counter; his laptop was up and running, and Stark’s drive was plugged into it. “In the meantime, you should get some rest.”

“Well, you’re hogging my space,” she quipped, sounding far more chipper than she felt. Her chest was clenched with an awful grief, grief and something that felt like heartbreak. Would she ever have the courage to do something about all her suppressed desires?

Probably not.

Bucky gathered his kit and stood up. “You should get some real sleep.”

“I can sleep here,” she protested. “I’d just need a blanket and—”

“Let me take care of you,” he interrupted. He gave a tiny smile. “For a change.”

“For a change?” Jesse stood up, but she couldn’t let his last statement slide. “You just saved my life! You took on this crazy project for me, you cured me of whatever they’d done—wait.” She paused at the door to the bedroom, her memory suddenly jolted. “You knocked me out!”

He gave an apologetic smile and scratched the back of his head. “I did. It worked on me, before. Uh, sorry?”

Jesse just laughed. His smile was a cure for anything. “Apology not accepted. You’ll have to live with that guilt. I think you’ll manage, though.”

Bucky shook his head and rummaged through his drawers, giving Jesse a chance to look his bedroom over. He’d discarded his tactical gear in a pile by the closet door, but his guns were nowhere to be seen. Hopefully they were locked up in a safe somewhere. The bed was rumpled, but nominally made, with a dark red blanket and white sheets. The walls here had more art than the common space: a poster with a poem in some Cyrillic language, an exhibit poster from the Met, and an oil painting of a cityscape in the rain. All of the art featured the same red as the blanket. Had he picked it all out? She couldn’t quite imagine it.

Bucky turned back and held out a pile of clothes. “For sleeping,” he explained. “Use whatever you want.”

“Thank you,” she said with awe. She was already wearing a borrowed shirt; she could have slept in it. But no, he was taking care of her. For a change, he claimed. That was laughable, really. He’d been taking care of her nonstop for the last day and a half, not to mention his harried visit to her place when she’d first gotten home. He’d freed her, given her back her autonomy. He’d arranged for her to leave the hospital safely. He’d fed her and given her a place to stay. How could she ever thank him enough?

“Bathroom’s free,” he said.

Jesse left, the pile of clothes in hand, and locked the bathroom door behind her. She sagged against the door, dropping the clothes on the floor. Bucky was so good, so kind. He’d been through hell in so many times and ways, but he hadn’t given up. He’d still done so much to help her, to help BCEI.

Her work… She’d forgotten all about it. Would she be able to go back tomorrow? Would Bucky want her to keep a low profile until they knew just what they were up against?

Jesse shook her head. Work would have to wait.

She sorted through Bucky’s clothes. Drawstring pajama pants—flannel, no less—and a long-sleeved shirt, a t-shirt, and a button-down shirt. She raised her eyebrows at the latter. Who wore buttons to bed? She put on the t-shirt; it had a nice loose v-neck and was long enough on her that she felt safe in forsaking the flannel pants, which would undoubtedly end up bunched in annoying bands around her knees within an hour. Bucky could survive witnessing some leg.

She did as much of her bedtime routine as she could. Toilet, teeth-brushing with the toothbrush Bucky had given her the day before, washing her face without disturbing her bandaged temple. She shook out her hair and rebraided it tight across her head, catching as many flyaway strands as she could.

Before she went back to the bedroom, Jesse looked herself over in the mirror. The bandage on her face wasn’t as big as the one from the hospital, and though she was still mostly pale she knew the color in her cheeks wasn’t from the temperature in the apartment. She was getting goosebumps just standing in the bathroom in the nightshirt, though her blush had yet to recede.

Yet for all her little blunders, Bucky was still acting much the same, as if her own internal struggle was invisible to him. She could only hope he didn’t know, didn’t recognize the strain she was under in being so close to him, so comparatively open. They were friends, dammit, nothing more.

Nothing more.

Jesse splashed cold water on her face one more time. Her face was almost back to its normal state—normal when Bucky wasn’t around, anyway. If he didn’t let her go straight to bed, she was sure she’d be red as a beet within a few minutes. As much as she regretted her longing, she wasn’t so deluded as to think that she didn’t have good reason for it. If only he was a little less kind, or a little less magnetic, or a little less talented, or—

But Bucky was Bucky, and even though she was barred from being with him as she wanted, she knew she’d never leave him.

Not unless—or until—he made her.

A/N: Finally, some rest for these two!!! And a good old-fashioned heart-to-heart. I hope you liked it! Let me know what you think :3

#bucky barnes x ofc #bucky barnes fic #winter soldier fic #winter soldier x ofc #bucky barnes x original female character #the not for profit fic #becca writes

95 notes · View notes

shannaraisles · 5 years

Text

I was going to respond on this thread, but it got long on me. I got kinda personal to my own situation, but I guess it needed to come out? Under the cut, because it deals with forms of abuse.

Gods, this hits hard. My mum never learned from her mistakes, either. I was her fourth child, born eleven years after my next sister up. When I was five, her emotional and physical abuse tactics (always justified in her mind because she was the victim every time) resulted in that sister running away from home, and my brother leaving with her because he couldn’t handle watching it anymore. My eldest sister was in university, and had her own problems. So I became the recipient of my mother’s self-loathing by proxy.

I survived, but I have scars that might never heal because of that woman and her inability to recognize the harm she was doing. And the worst part of it is that my dad feels guilty because he thought it was only aimed at him; that my mum improved herself after Pippa and Liam left home. And Pippa and Liam still feel guilty about leaving me to deal with her by myself, but how can I blame them? She almost destroyed Pippa. In her place, I would have got out as soon as possible, too. I can still remember being tiny, and hearing Mum screaming at Pippa, and Dad taking Mum’s side because it was easier than listening to his daughter. I can still remember seeing Pippa run into our shared bedroom and hide under the covers. I still remember falling asleep listening to her cry.

And then she was gone, and it was just me. And for a while, maybe a year or so, Mum was better. She made an effort. But she must have had the same anxiety I’ve inherited, and her own form of PTSD (her father was an absolute bastard by the sound of things, and her mother was just gaga). I doubt she ever knew she could have received help for those feelings. So she fell back into taking out her fear and self-loathing and anger on the weakest link - me. Sneakier this time, so that Dad didn’t know - he worked it out in my teens when I started to have full blown meltdowns over tiny things, but only ever when Mum was not in the house.

Part of me thinks I’m lucky that my mum died when I was seventeen. Part of me will always be furious with her for not being my mum. I don’t think I will ever forgive her for what she did to me, to Pippa, to Liam, and to Liz. I mean, for fuck’s sake - Liz was a bundle of so many mental disorders, she was impossible to diagnose, and yet Mum managed to make that all about herself, too!

She was what people call a street angel. None of her “friends” knew anything but the calm, charming, intelligent woman who appeared to have the perfectly well-behaved daughter and charming husband, and no worries at all. Even when she was dying, she put on a show for the doctors and nurses, even for her own brother and sisters. All we, her children, wanted to hear from her was an apology, some acknowledgment of the supreme fuck up she made of our childhood, and she couldn’t even give us that. That bitch actually made Liz stand outside her private room, because she didn’t want to have to lie there in the company of her eldest daughter. Because Liz was a failure in her eyes. And we found Liz in tears outside the door, frightened to come back to the cafeteria where the rest of us were, because she thought she was the problem.

I had a point here.

Yes.

My point is that your own abuse does not give you the right to abuse others. Your own trauma does not give you the right to traumatize others. And there are far too many people in the world who still believe that it does. Politicians complain about the need for mental health resources to be funded, but if we’d had those resources sooner, if the stigma had been reduced sooner, maybe there would be less people caught with guilt over being angry with their parents over the way they were treated as they grew older.

Far too many people can relate to knowing that there was a specific cut off point every evening where, if you didn’t make it into your room and relative privacy, you were stuck listening to a stream of vitriol and bile about how the no one understood and that you were the biggest part of the problem. Too many people trained themselves never to show anything but a smile and warmth toward that person, because the slightest hint of negative emotion was seen as a personal attack.

I did. And I still do it. Nine times out of ten, if you hurt me, I’ll smile and take it, and I’ll forgive you ... to a certain point. Because one thing my mother did teach me is that after a certain point there can be no forgiveness. It’s like Darcy says - my good opinion once lost, is lost forever.

But I have something that my mother didn’t have. I have no shame in sharing that I have anxiety, that I have depression, that I have passive suicidal ideation, that I occasionally have intrusive thoughts, because society is evolving, and if I want the next generations to thrive, they need to be able to talk openly about these things. So I will talk about it, and I will accept help that is offered, and I will forever be grateful to the friends I have made who don’t judge me negatively for something that is beyond my ability to control without help.

Maybe, if Mum had had that, she wouldn’t have been so bad. But she didn’t have it, and her children suffered and are still dealing with the consequences of what she put us through. Because we were her children. She wasn’t our mother. We were property to be done with as she liked, because that was how her father treated her.

And then I look at Pippa, and her children, and I am so proud of her. She has children who seek out her company because they enjoy it, because she’s worked so hard at building an actual bond with her son and daughters. If I’m ever a mother, I’d want to be like Pippa. And the way to be like Pippa is to determinedly not be my mum.

So yeah, good things can come out of it. But parents should never use their children as a crutch for their problems. They should listen and support, and allow their children to grow into their own person, and in time, those children will want to listen and support in their own turn. I’ve seen it done both ways, and I know which way I would prefer.

We don’t have to be our mothers. We don’t have to be our fathers. We can show them how it should have been done, and maybe then they’ll begin to realize the damage they did, and the damage that was done to them. But it’s not our responsibility to fix our parents, and it’s not our children’s responsibility to fix us. If more people recognized that, I think there might be less anger in the world.

#niamh spake #personal #tw: abuse #mothers #ramblings

25 notes · View notes