#KITTY SAID GAY RIGHTS

[flufallo]

DID NEIL GAYMEN WRITE DBD

He wrote the comics yes

#i totaly didnt have to look it up #also was spelling his last name like that intentional #what if our last names were just our sexuality and our gender? #'hi everyone im kitty pangirl' #ngl that kinda work #also why do americans pronounce 'herb' as 'urb' it dosent make sense #and im pretty sure its called macaroni cheese #but heigh ho each to there own #but exer is still pointy full stop #therea nothing you can do abt it sirius black #(thats thr only time i will call you that bc in all truth i wrote the Sirius black threat at abt 1 in the morning) #i couldnt sleep (i was thinking abt dead gay boys) #so i was doing that and reading a jegulus fanfic ofc #anyway someone called me emo yesterday? #its bc i forgot my hairclip lmao #my friend did a 'makeover' on me #in the middle of the hall right outside maths #and she tried to so my hair #and it went all over my face #so i put my glasses on #and said i was cousin it #and then people came and started laughing #it was so weird idk #then she insisted to do a messy bun #but i refused bc 1. i hate having my hair up #and 2. i dont want to look like a chav #and then she started spraying my face many times #so i was just like 'scarlett stop pls' #so she sprayed almost he whole bottke #exer is pointy

[fredwkong]

Himbo Maker: Misha

Misha was an Egirl: a European Guy In Real Life. He would do his makeup, put on fake eyelashes, a wig, and a pair of pink headphones with kitty cat ears, and stream video games online. He loved to troll new viewers by spending an hour or so doing a breathy, feminine voice, and then suddenly hit them with his natural Baltic baritone. The way the chat went crazy made it worth it every time.

The whole game was helped by how petit and curvy Misha had always been. Even in his twenties, he still had a soft, almost girlish body and stood at most of other guys’ sternums. Too bad he wasn’t a trans girl, or at least a gay boy, he sometimes thought, looking at his body in the mirror. Gay guys were supposed to go for little guys who looked like him.

One evening, Misha was just starting his stream when some user started acting really weird in chat. He had a username that almost seemed familiar to Misha, but the guy he was thinking of had always been polite and given insightful comments on Misha’s gaming. This guy’s messages were full of typos, and he couldn’t seem to stop talking about his muscles.

Misha was just about to ban the guy when an alert sounded: Misha’s charming, girly laugh, which indicated a user had just donated a hefty sum. Of course, it was this annoying brodude.

“Uh,” said Misha, almost forgetting to put on his femmy voice, “He says, “Bro, this guy liek wants to chat wiht u on stream.” And there’s a link in the donation.”

Clicking the link, Misha found himself looking at a chat website he’d never seen before. “Hold on, let me share my screen,” he simpered, sharing the chat window. Somehow, his usual screen name was already in the bar. It must have populated from his stream.

Mish-kittycat: Like, heyoooo! You okay with being on stream with me? (✿◠‿◠)

Himbo_mkr: No way, bruh! I love meeting new bros. Like, hi stream!

Misha was a bit offended that this chat partner would refer to him as a “bro.” But stream chat seemed interested, so he thought it could be worth a few minutes to humour the donater. It had been a fair amount of money.

Mish-kittycat: What do you want to talk about UwU

Himbo_mkr: Bro, you know that all I ever talk about are my sick gains and going out with guys, lmao

Okay, so this was a troll. They probably wanted to get Misha banned for lewdness or something. Still, at least it was original that the troll character was a gay guy. He rolled his eyes at the stream and said, out loud in his girl voice, “Looks like someone got mad enough to pay to speak with all this.” He gestured down his slim body in tonight’s outfit, a stereotypical Japanese maid costume.

Himbo_mkr: Huhuhu, bro, you clicked on the link. Didn’t force you to do it.

Misha froze. Of course the troll was watching the stream. “Heh, I don’t let meatheaded bullies boss me around,” he chirped, trying to save face.

Himbo_mkr: You sure? You sure like it when your chat bosses you around, bro.

Now this guy was just lying. Misha scowled, even though he knew the expression would make his foundation crack unattractively. “This is a really weird way to bully someone.” He looked at the stream chat, waiting for his subscribers to back him up.

But the character of the chat seemed to have changed. No, they had always been bossy, Misha suddenly remembered. They would tell Misha how to play his games all the time while he pretended to struggle. It was a key part of the dynamic of his channel that chat bossed him around, and right now they were telling him to go back to chatting with this guy. One guy even messaged, “No more talking, kitty. You’re only allowed to write in the chat.” Misha gave the camera a plaintive look, but listened. He always listened to his chat.

Mish-kittycat: So maybe you’re right about that one thing, but coming in here being rude is totally uncool (งᓀ‸ᓂ)ง

Himbo_mkr: Bro, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I was just tryna compliment you on your sick bis, dude.

Misha cocked his head, confused. He was the opposite of buff, that was why he was so good at dressing as a girl. But as he continued to think about it, he remembered all the hours he spent working on his arms. He kept a set of weights next to his bedroom door, and he did bicep curls to failure every time he went through the doorway. Yeah, his biceps were his pride and joy, and they were usually how he showed off his manliness when he revealed his deep voice and accent.

A tip came in. “Flex for us, kitty,” commanded the text-to-speech voice. With a smirk, Misha lifted up one of his arms, feeling it stretch the sleeve of his maid costume as the veins popped. Too bad the rest of his body hadn’t followed his arms and gotten bulky.

Himbo_mkr: We’re all waiting for you to drop your lifting routine, bro! You’ve been totally blowing up.

Misha blushed at the flattery. His physique wasn’t all that impressive. Sure, now that he thought about it, he had been really hitting the weights a lot and eating right. In fact, his room seemed to be full of lifting clothes and supplements as he looked around. But that was because some of his subscribers kept telling him to get to the gym and hit his macros. It had actually been really freeing to just let people pay to tell him what to do on his fitness journey. And it was paying off! Misha definitely couldn’t pass for a girl these days, which was why the channel had changed to be more about doing stuff in-game for the highest bidders.

The maid costume barely wrapped around Misha’s broad pecs, and the garters had torn when he’d tried to pull them up his thick thighs. Sure, it had been funny when the stream started and the chat had gotten Misha to show off his shoulder raises while dressed in a little maid skirt, but the polyester was really starting to chafe on his smooth muscles. It was a relief when a tip rolled in while Misha flexed and said “Kitty, wear comfy clothes.” The chat oooohed and aaaahed as Misha shucked the maid costume, showing off his bulky chest, and pulled on his favourite comfy shirt instead. Sure, it had some tears and stuff, but as a masculine guy, Misha wasn’t worried about dressing up fancy or anything.

The guy whose chat Misha was streaming had been quiet, so Misha hopped back over and sent another message.

Mish-kittyhunk: Thanks man! It’s all about trusting the process.

Himbo_mkr: I can tell that you trust people, bro! You’re like a puppy lmao.

Well, Misha thought, maybe he did like getting bossed around in chat, but it wasn’t like he trusted everyone blindly! Okay, well, maybe he did tend to stop to help people on the road and then lose his wallet a lot. They looked like they needed help! And maybe he did sometimes click on links that meant he needed to take his phone to the store for them to fix, but so did everyone else!

Looking at the chat, who were all laughing about Misha being a totally trusting puppy, Misha had to finally agree. That was why one of his subscribers had gotten him this headset with floppy dog ears on it, after all.

Mish-puphunk: Haha, you got me, dude! That’s why I clicked on this link, too XD

Himbo_mkr: It’s okay, bro. Lots of gay hunks are pretty dumb, it just adds to that himbo appeal.

This time this guy was definitely making stuff up. Misha was totally straight, he just didn’t do well with girls. Well, that and being a submissive hunk online mostly attracted a gay male fanbase. And, well, now that he thought about it, when was the last time Misha had really thought about a girl? Like, maybe if it was a domme? But no, even then, Misha would really prefer a guy to be involved at some point. This guy was probably right, Misha was gay.

It was super hard to think. There was a reason that Misha preferred to let chat do the thinking for him. Even before he realised how much he loved to listen when men told him what to do, Misha had never been much of a deep thinker. That was why most of the stuff in his room was gym gear, gaming stuff, or whatever his subscribers bought for him. Lately, they had been really loving when Misha wore even less clothes and showed off more of his growing body, and Misha was happy to oblige as long as they kept telling him what to do!

Mish-puphunk: Lol I guess you’re right! I just wanna give sirs what they want

Himbo_mkr: Bro, I totally get why you love pup play so much. You just love being obedient and dumb and empty lmao. You, like, pretty much live in your mask these days.

A pup mask…Misha was pretty sure one of his subscribers had sent him one of those once, but it had been really confusing to put on and he’d only worn it once. No, wait, that wasn’t right. Misha was such a ditz! He’d loved the experience of putting on the pup mask and letting himself be a dumb pup for his chat. And chat had loved sending in tips to give him commands like “sit,” “roll over,” and “stick a tail in your hole.”

It had been so popular that the subscribers had told Misha to make it a weekly thing, then a biweekly thing, and by now it had pretty much become what Misha did during his streams. While chatting with this guy had been fun, Misha really wanted to get on with the stream and mask up. He opened his mouth to tell the viewers that, but then remembered that he had been ordered not to talk. Too bad, chat would only hear his deep, resonant voice if they ordered him to bark after he put on his mask.

Mish-puphunk: Okay dude, I gotta go be a good dumb pup now.

Himbo_mkr: Got it, bruh! You got a bunch of hunky doms to please by being a good pup slut!

Chat cheered as Misha stopped streaming the chat window and winked at the camera. An especially hung dom who loved to tip had won the bid war last night to decide what Misha wore, so Misha fondled the straps of his leather harness as he got up to grab his mask. He wondered what his chat full of muscular, horny himbo doms would have him do today.

Misha slipped on the mask and let his mind go blank.

#male transformation #mental change #male tf #muscle tf #reality change #dumber tf #himbofication #himbo maker #pup tf #sub tf #all fwkong

[inf3ct3dd]

003. LOVING IS EASY

warnings: none! :)

authors note: and so it begins 🤭

previous chapter. next chapter. masterlist.

BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ.

you rub your eyes with the back of your hand, begrudgingly sitting up from your bed. you shut off your alarm, and you see a notification pop up on your screen.

you grin at your phone, opening the message to reply.

your heart suddenly stops for a second when you see her reply. ‘my girl’? you didn’t expect her to keep up the charade when it was just you two. she’s just committed to the bit, right?

right?

you look up at yourself in the mirror, and you want to wipe the smile off your face.

snap out of it baker. fake girlfriend. fake. shes just being convincing, right?

you take a deep breath and start getting ready, trying to distract yourself.

you move a lot faster than usual, suddenly gaining a passion for academics. you rush kitty from outside her door, impatiently leaning on the frame.

“since when do you want to go to school?” kitty slightly yells from her vanity. she grabs her things, opening the door to reveal an unusually happy you.

you look down at the helmet in her hands, and snatch it from her.

“hey! you almost ran a girl over yesterday, i do not trust you enough to leave lucy.”

you roll your eyes at her, holding the helmet out of her reach as she tries to grab it from you.

“you named the helmet?”

“she’s very important to me.”

she finally stops trying, and stares at you with a pout and furrowed brows.

“you don’t need her, im not driving today.”

“is dad driving us?” she questions, before you throw the helmet back into her room and start walking towards the staircase.

“nope.” you answer, practically sprinting downstairs.

“well who is?” she asks, quickly approaching behind you.

“a friend.”

you both hug your dad goodbye, and quickly grab your lunch from the fridge.

“last time you said ‘a friend’ was driving us, mina almost killed us.” kitty retorts as you walk to the door.

you and your best friend have a LOT in common!!!

“its not mina.” you reply simply.

you open your door to a white jeep in the driveway, abby sitting in the drivers seat, tapping the steering wheel.

kitties eyes widen, yours do too, before she looked back at you.

“oh?” she mumbles.

“you wanna stand here all day?” you say, a smug grin on your face. kitty shakes her head no and starts walking over to the car, and abby notices the two of you and unlocks the door, smiling at you before swinging the passenger side open for you.

how chivalrous :)

“morning abs!” you said, a chipper tone in your voice.

“morning r.” she replies, turning to face you.

you hear the slam of the back door, and kitty shuffles into the car.

you look around the interior, nose filled with the scent of a pine air freshener hanging on the rear view mirror and- a hint of lavender? all you knew was that it smelled good. clean. and the scent matched the rest of the car, which looked almost brand new.

“hi kitty.” abby says, turning around.

kitty gives abby a once over before saying hi back, a slightly questioning look on her face.

“since when are you friends with r?” kitty asks, eyebrows furrowed.

abby lets out a small chuckle before replying.

“a few weeks. why?”

“no reason… just haven’t heard much about you.”

abby turns back around, facing you.

“wowwww, am i not worth talking about?” abby questions, putting a dramatic hand on her chest.

“yup. im just ashamed, you’re so awful.” you tease, grinning at her.

you both giggle, staring back at each other.

“i knew there was something gay going on here.” kitty states accusingly , staring at the two of you with a quirked eyebrow.

you and abby burst into laughter, kitty following quickly after.

“wow kitty, you should be a detective.” abby says sarcastically.

yeah, she can specialize in fraud.

“so you guys are like, dating?” kitty asks.

“yeah, we’re ‘like’ dating.” abby answers. it practically rolls off her tounge, like a reflex.

she’s a good actor.

kitty hums in approval , leaning back into her seat.

your eyes unintentionally move to abbys hand, and you see her grab a drink from the drink-holder-thingy.

“here, got you something.” abby turns around , handing kitty the drink and a straw.

kitty’s eyes light up, smiling as she accepts the drink.

“holy shit, thank you!” she beams, taking a sip.

“don’t mention it. trying to make a good first impression.” abby grins at her before turning back around.

“well, im definitely impressed.”

and i am too.

abby lets out a small chuckle, reaching for your drink and handing it to you.

a venti?? damn!

you thank her, a wide smile on your face as you take a sip.

“like i said, anything for my girl.”

hearing her say it out loud makes it ten times worse. ‘it’ being the sudden rush of nervousness and the annoying churn in your stomach. and with how close she was, you swore she could hear your heart pounding in your chest.

fake girlfriend. fake.

you smile at her, not being able to form a response, and she starts driving.

you never realized how happy that grimacing stare on ellies face made you.

the curse of ellie being in almost all of your classes quickly turned into a blessing when you realized abby was there too.

well, a blessing for you.

ellie kept her eyes glued to you all day, same way she did yesterday, but this time something was clouding her view. abby.

every time she looked over at you, there she was.

passing notes to each other, laughing at each others jokes, giving each other random glances during class, ellies grip on her pencil seemed to get tighter and tighter by the second.

so much so that she broke the tip multiple times from pressing too hard. and every time she got up to sharpen it, she got an even more up close view of why it broke in the first place.

and at one point, she almost threw the fucking sharpener.

“uhm miss, i didn’t get a passage.” you chimed from your desk, holding your hand in the air.

“hey, we can sha-“

“i dont have any other copies, just share with abby.” ellie was cut off by ms. scotti, ruining her poor attempts at trying to be near you.

you looked behind you and your eyes immediately met abbys, smiling back at you. you moved your chair from your single desk to abbys, taking a pen with you. you hadn’t realized how close the two of you were until you sat down , feeling her leg against yours.

real smooth.

abby handed you the paper and you decided to take turns reading it, and you chose to go first. you started reading the paragraph out loud, and you couldn’t help but feel abbys eyes settle on you. specifically, on a place that seemed all-too-close to your lips. you tried to shrug it off, finishing the paragraph with a few mess-ups.

calm down.

instead of abby continuing, she reached her hand towards your face.

“huh?“

in one swift motion, abby runs her thumb against the area right under your bottom lip, wiping off some lipgloss that got on your face.

you felt your face heat up at the sudden contact, and you prayed abby couldn’t feel it.

“you had a little somethin’ there.” she explains, smiling at you and wiping her thumb on her cargos.

lunch was….a lot more fun than yesterday!!!

trading your depressing, lonely, wet courtyard bench for some time with your fake-girlfriend was…much needed.

you walked with abby out of your last class before lunch, stepping shoulder-to-shoulder down the hallway till you reached the cafeteria. when you finally reached the two big green doors, you heard the sea of people inside. you reached for the door, only to be beat by abby, reaching over you to push it open.

“ladies first.” she jokes, holding the door open for you.

you giggle at her, turning around as she walked up to you and let the door come to a close.

you were used to being invisible. well, thats a bit dramatic, you were used to being ‘less known’.

you were only really known for being ‘ellies girlfriend’ not having any crazy identifying factors. you mostly kept to yourself, and mina, of course.

but now, people were looking at you, talking about you.

“who is that?”

“isn’t that ellies girlfriend?”

“since when do they know each other?”

you brushed off the sudden feeling of attention, focusing back on the blonde next to you.

“is she new or something?”

okay, ouch.

you however, couldn’t brush off the feeling of abbys hand slipping into your back pocket, thumb hanging out of it. her warm hand was legit on your asscheek, moving slightly as the two of you walked.

you did this to yourself. why did i put this in the contract ???

you tried to ignore the sudden rise in your body temperature, and you tried your best to not melt right there.

be casual. be cool. its just….part of the plan.

and, without warning, you feel abby stop in her tracks, and use your back pocket to spin you, making you face her. you slightly gasped, resting your hands on your chest to steady yourself.

“abby, what are you doing?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper. she could definitely hear you though, considering how close the two of you were.

“this-“ abby reached into her back pocket, pulling something out. “is for you.”

you look down at her hand, holding a folded up note with your name and a heart on the front.

you grab it from her, grinning up at her.

“you remembered.”

“i remembered.” abby chimes back, smiling down at you.

you open the note, revealing abbys handwriting in pink pen.

“can’t keep my eyes off of you.”

your lips curl into a toothy smile, looking up at abby again.

“you’re so sweet.” you chime, smiling at her.

she smiles back at you, moving a stray curl behind your ear.

and within a millisecond, you feel abby lean in towards it.

“good job.” she whispers hand now resting on your shoulder.

your breath hitches in your chest, feeling her breath against your neck. she moves away and starts walking again, so casually, like shes done that a million times before.

its weird, and somewhat off-putting to be congratulated on doing nothing more than accepting a note, and having an ass pocket for someone to stick their hand into.

but, i guess thats where my life has taken me.

you slightly look around the cafeteria, ignoring the lingering eyes on you, and looking back at the table you two had stopped in front of.

and low and behold, there was nora. her eyes were searing, laced with obvious annoyance. her mouth was slightly open, and her brows were tightly knit together. her friends were looking at you too, but they looked significantly less pissed-off than nora.

to be fair, the two of you put on quite the show.

“r?”

abbys voice snaps you back into reality, staring down at you with a confused look.

“hm?” you hummed, looking up at her.

abbys lunch table was…surprisingly fun!

given the fact she’s rather well known, her table was much bigger than yours.

you saw a few familiar faces. some people from the lacrosse teams, a few people you had classes with, and a girl you went to elementary school with.

abby said her hello’s to the people at the round table, dapping-up a few people and simply saying hi to others.

“so, you’re not gonna introduce us?” a man abby greeted as ‘manny’ questioned, looking at you.

you quickly chimed in and introduced yourself, smiling and waving at the people sitting down.

“you know, you could’ve asked her yourself.” abby states, playfully rolling her eyes at him.

“my bad.” manny responds, arms up in defense.

“you guys just gonna stand up all lunch?” he questions.

you move to sit down, but quickly see theres only one seat left.

shit.

abby notices quickly after, and turns back to you.

“just sit, i can stand.” she offers, motioning towards the seat.

“are you sure?”

“positive.” she affirms.

you sit down on the seat, having to step up onto it when you realize it’s slightly raised off the ground, just enough for your feet to dangle slightly above the ground.

and for abby to move behind you and snake her arms around your waist.

you can somehow still feel her muscles through your hoodie, toned arms relaxed around your front. heat rises to your cheeks at the sudden contact, and you wonder why you don’t know how to get a grip.

you try to focus on the conversation abbys having with her friends, but you can’t seem to calm yourself down.

“blah blah blah lacrosse blah blah blah classes blah blah blah blah blah”

you occasionally smile and nod, letting out a laugh when everyone else does. trying to be cool about it.

trying to act like you can’t feel abby resting her chin on your head, messing with the fabric of your sweater, and making you feel queasy.

after a while, you can’t make yourself fake listen anymore, and you try to distract yourself by looking around the cafeteria. with limited mobility, you only really move your eyes, scanning the room with your limited view trying not to bother abby.

and as soon as you look to the left, you see that angry look you’ve grown to love.

ellie.

she’s staring at you, almost looking like she’s trying to explode you with her mind, and she’s completely disengaged from her friends conversation.

her eyes soften when they meet yours, offering a meek smile.

you look away, leaving ellie alone with her thoughts.

taglist:

if ur name is crossed i can’t tag u :((

@rimaybank @nickiminaj689 @leomcshizzle @planetflorxa @teawithnosugar @sawaagyapong @how-to-disappearrr @vsselz @pepperispicy @chrry1ovr @4yn1y4h @lottienatfinalgirls @honeycinnamonenthusiast @heartrobynn @ibatman @sugarbag @arizvla @seventeenelliesgf @gaptoothedlesbo @joannaaaasblog @nil-eena @natsprideandjoy @iylaa @abbyismywife @seattleellie0202020 @elleatethat @mostlyhornyandsad @hjjmmbv @dykefarts @nillaice @spinnyshark @honeystab @paleidiot @sunkissedpixies @greencacty @444na0m1 @deftonianfr

#abby anderson #abby tlou #abby anderson x reader #abby x reader #abby x fem!reader #abby the last of us #abby x y/n #abby x you #abby anderson fanfic #tlou fanfiction #tlou x reader #modern au #lesbian

[nattinatalia]

Jack Harlow x Reader : LATE NIGHT LIVES

After a long day of school meetings and running errands, the kids were showered and in bed. You and Jack had just finished watching a movie and now you were just in bed scrolling through your phone.

You usually don’t do live streams but tonight seemed like a good idea just to get you a little tired.

“Babe don’t say or do anything nasty. I’m going to go live on instagram.” You warn him, as you sit up against the headboard.

“But I wanted to get nasty with you.” He pouts.

You roll your eyes, “See, don’t say anything like that.” you start the live stream and wait for people to join.

“Hi guys, it’s been a while.” You say, looking at the chat. “Oh, I have a story for you guys about something that happened today. So let’s wait for more people to join.”

“What story? What happened today?” Jack asks you, placing his phone on the bedside table.

You smile, shaking your head. “Go back to texting your fans. Let me talk to mine.”

Jack scoffs,“Babe, tell me.”

“You’ll hear it when I tell them, just wait.” You read the chat real quick and laugh, nodding.

He groans, “Let me go get something to drink first.”

“Can you bring me something too please? And not Phocus, I want actual water.”

He turns around quickly gaping at you. “Wow, not you bashing my brand.”

You roll your eyes, “Stop being so dramatic.”

He heads towards the door. “Don’t start the story without me.”

“Then hurry up.” You warn and smirk seeing him run out.

“This is going to be funny you guys.” You turn to your phone and focus on the live and start reading comments.

“Yes he really is so dramatic and unserious.” You laugh. “But that’s my man, and I’m going to stick by him.”

“Okay, I’m back.” He announces and jumps on the bed. “Here.” He hands you a can of Phocus. “We ran out of your water.”

“I know what you’re doing.” You grab the can and pop it open, making sure to take a sip in camera view. “I’m sending Neelam the invoice for this”

“I’m not doing anything.” He smirks, leaning against the headboard.

“Mhmm.” You look down at your phone. “Okay guys, story time.” You smile. “Today I went to get waxed, you know, down there.”

“What kind of story is this?” Jack asks.

“It’s a funny one so don’t interrupt, I’m telling the girlies.”

“Not what I was expecting.” Jack lays down completely on the bed, pulls the covers over his body and grabs his phone.

You roll your eyes. “My usual waxer was out today, so I had to let someone else look down there and wax me. I was shy, but HE made me feel comfortable.”

“HE?!!!!” Jack quickly turns his head towards you, throwing the covers off of him.

“Yes he.” You roll your eyes. “Anyway, he was so gentle, he was so good. I honestly didn’t feel a thing. The way he put the wax, I felt kind of- I don't know, hot?”

“Are you kidding?” He sits up. “Is he gay?”

“Jack, why would I be kidding about getting my kitty waxed? And no, he’s not gay.”

“Y/N, you just said you got horny from it.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth, I said I got hot.” You’re smirking.

“Same thing.”

You read a comment from the chat and nod, “Yes, I’m definitely going back with him. He actually gave me his personal number and he told me he even does housecalls.”

“What the fuck?”

You smile, “Okay guys, I think I’m going to let y’all go. I need to sleep.” You quickly end the live, plug your phone into the charge and place it on your side table.

You lay down and notice Jack is sitting, staring at you. “What?”

“Why didn’t you tell me a guy waxed you, a straight guy at that.”

“Babe, it doesn’t matter. He was doing his job.”

“Yeah but it’s something I would've liked to know.” He mumbled out.

“Baby, are you jealous?”

“It’s not about jealousy, it’s about making sure you’re safe and comfortable.”

“Aww baby.” You push him back so he can lay down and you straddle him. “Didn’t you hear? He was very respectful, and comforting. He rubbed me the right way.” You smirk.

“You’re fucking joking huh?” He looks up at you.

You start laughing “I am.”

Jack quickly takes a hold of your waist and flips you two over so he’s now hovering over you. “That wasn’t funny, I was ready to go on YouTube and learn how to wax so I could do it for you.”

You laugh at that. “No way they show that on YouTube babe.”

“Don’t play with me again, talking about you got hot and he rubbed you the right way, what does that even mean?”

You shrug, “I don’t know, I was just reading the comments and saying them.”

He pinches one of your nipples, “No more going live late at night.”

He kneels between your legs, “Now open these up, let me see if you need waxing or not.”

“Shut up.” You laugh, but do as he says.

“Mhmm, so pretty.” He runs his finger on your bud. “I can definitely wax this myself.”

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

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#jack harlow #jack harlow x oc #jack harlow x you #jack harlow x y/n #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x yn #jackman thomas harlow #jack harlow fanfiction #jack harlow imagines

[blackbirdnessie]

Shadowpeach incorrect quotes

Sun Wukong: *Holding up a pack of pencils* These are kinda cute.

Macaque : Sun Wukong, that’s gay.

Sun Wukong: We’ve been dating for 2 years—

Sun Wukong : Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

Macaque: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I’ve obviously not the real me.

Macaque : As top in this relationship, I think we should-

Sun Wukong: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

Brotherhood era Macaque : We should get you to a healer for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

Sun Wukong: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Macaque : But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Sun Wukong: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Macaque : Is it working?

Sun Wukong: Go fuck yourself.

Macaque, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch

Sun Wukong: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Macaque : This is a lie.

Macaque : I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.

Macaque : THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

Macaque : Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Sun Wukong: AS ENEMIES again?!

Macaque :

Sun Wukong: What are you in the mood for?

Macaque : World domination.

Sun Wukong: That's a bit ambitious.

Macaque : You are my world.

Sun Wukong: Aww...

Macaque :

Sun Wukong:

Macaque :

Sun Wukong: OH.

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: I feel like doing something stupid.

Brotherhood era Macaque : I’m stupid, do me.

Peng in the background: *wheeze*

Sun Wukong: Listen, we’re done, we’re over! Okay?

Macaque : Whatever bitch, you ain’t never gonna find no one like me.

Sun Wukong: Yeah, that's the point shithead!

Macaque : This date is boring!

Sun Wukong: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

Macaque : Then why did you invite me?

Mk, who's only homophobic when it comes to Shadowpeach: he didnt, he specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Sun Wukong I'll do whatever I want!"

Macaque, to Sun Wukong : We had a date!

Sun Wukong: *aggressively points to Bai he and the Hello Kitty Coloring Book*

Sun Wukong: Did it hurt when you fell-

Macaque : From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt-

Sun Wukong: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.

Macaque : ...

Sun Wukong: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

Macaque to Mk : Sun Wukong is playing hard to get.

Macaque : Little do he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Sun Wukong: I have feelings for Macaque.

MK : Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Sun Wukong: Look, last night was a mistake.

Macaque : A sexy mistake.

Sun Wukong: No, just a regular mistake.

Macaque : There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?

Sun Wukong: Nope, there's 26.

Macaque : Ah, I must have forgotten U, R, A, Q, T.

Sun Wukong: Aww, that's cute, but you're still missing one.

Macaque : You'll get the D later ;).

MK in the distance : Ugh!!!!

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: Macaque and I are no longer dating.

Brotherhood era Macaque : peaches, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re Mated.

Sun Wukong: Fight me!

Macaque : *gets on one knee and pulls out a ring*

Macaque : Fight me for the rest of our lives.

Sun Wukong: Macaque , you do remember when we agreed we were better off as friends, right?

Macaque , naked in Sun Wukong's bed: No, I absolutely do not.

Sun Wukong, already taking off their clothes: Fuck... Me neither.

Sun Wukong: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.

Macaque : Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.

Sun Wukong: ...

Sun Wukong: You mean ring bearER, right?

Macaque : ...

Sun Wukong: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

Sun Wukong: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.

Macaque : I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.

Sun Wukong: I said within reason, Macaque . How about I murder that guy?

Macaque : So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?

Sun Wukong: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

Brotherhood era Macaque, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often?

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong, confused: I mean, this is my mountain, so yeah.

Macaque : Sun Wukong, you love me, right?

Sun Wukong: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

Possessed Wukong: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!

Macaque : In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?

Possessed Wukong: I don't know, surprise me!

Macaque : You look good in that hoodie.

Sun Wukong: You know where else I'd look good?

Macaque , zero hesitation: My bed.

Sun Wukong, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

Sun Wukong: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.

Macaque : Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Sun Wukong: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid.

Macaque : You always act stupid.

Macaque :

Macaque : Wait...

Sun Wukong: Wow, Macaque , you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Macaque : We literally slept together yesterday.

Sun Wukong: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

Brotherhood era Macaque : We should be partners.

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: You mean like, partners in crime?

Brotherhood era Macaque : Yeah... that’s precisely what I meant.

Sun Wukong: Bro-

Macaque : No, no, hold up, rewind.

Macaque : My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

Macaque : Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Sun Wukong: Okay.

Macaque who, has never seen sharkboy and lavagirl : And make out during the scary parts.

Sun Wukong: Th-

Sun Wukong: The scary parts.

Sun Wukong: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Mei : Do you want to explain the text you sent Monkey King last night?

Macaque : It was autocorrect.

Mk: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me." To Monkey King?

Macaque : Yes.

Sun Wukong: Okay, but if your not gay then why are you always holding my hand and kissing me and telling me I’m your boyfriend?

Macaque : Dude- Its satire!

Sun Wukong: THAT'S NOT WHAT SATIRE MEANS!

Macaque walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Sun Wukong, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.

Sun Wukong, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

#lmk macaque #lmk sun wukong #shadowpeach #incorrect quotes #lmk incorrect quotes

[soliarus]

Thoughts Of You: Prequel

-fluff, tiny itty bit of a suggestive thought, before reader and Dahyun started dating!! decided to make a part 2 of this only because I find gay panicking Dahyun cute

: Dahyun's mind is full of one thing and one thing only, her crush

words 880

non-idol!college student!dahyun x fem!reader

“Okay, I think I get it now, metaphase comes before telophase, right?” You ask Dahyun who sits next to you. Dahyun, however, just stares at you. “Uhhh…Dahyun?”

You’re so cute when you stare at me like that…

You bring your hand up to her face trying to catch her attention, she jumps back in surprise. “Huh? What? I mean! Yes you’re right! Super correct!” Dahyun blurts out, placing her hand on her heart.

Okay, Dahyun calm down. Calm down, deep breathes.

The two of you were studying at your apartment, on the floor because your couch had yet to be delivered. Your roommate had gone out to spend time with their girlfriend, which meant that Dahyun was with you. The two of you were alone. Together.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Dahyun? You’ve been acting a bit off since you got here” You ask placing your hand on top of Dahyun’s rubbing your thumb against her soft skin.

Off? Of course I’m acting ‘a bit off’! I’m in front of a person sculpted by God! Ahhh! She’s touching my hand! She’s! Touching! My! Ha-

“I’m fine, today’s just been a long day that’s all” Dahyun nervously chuckles. You raise an eyebrow at her before getting off the floor and stretching your arms over your head.

Even the way you stretch is so cute!

“Let’s take a break then, I’ll get us something to drink,” You smile at her before walking over to the kitchen and bringing over two water bottles. You sit back next to her with a sigh and another stretch. Your phone goes off and you tilt your head, “who could that be?”

“Oh Dahyun, my roommate said that they won’t be coming back tonight. Apparently the rain is gonna be stronger than anticipated, there’s storm warnings going around”. You get back up and move the curtains to take a peak, the rain was coming down hard, and dark storm clouds covered up the sky. Dahyun walks over sticking her head next to yours to take a look herself, instead she finds herself staring at you instead. “It’s raining heavily, Dahyun. Do you have anything important to do tomorrow?” You turn to look at her, your faces an inch apart.

Ack! Too close! Too close!

“I umm– nooo, nothing important” Dahyun mumbles stepping back a little.

You beam as if a brilliant idea suddenly popped up in your mind, “then you should stay over! Spend the night here and leave tomorrow! Would that be alright with you, Dahyun?”

The way you say my name is just soooo ahhhh-

“I could—I mean yeah sure, I didn’t bring an umbrella with me, I’ll stay yeah…yeah” You chuckle at the response, “okie dokie! I’ll bring you a set of pajamas, and you could take a shower in my bathroom”. You place your hand on Dahyun’s shoulder before leaving to get her a set of clothes.

Her shampoo and her soap— HER SCENT!

Dahyun’s heart is doing flips right now as she dreamily lathers the shampoo on her head. She feels like she’s on cloud nine right now, her thoughts going crazy.

I wish she was here right now…I want her to touch me…lather the soap over my bod- wait- get those thoughts out of your head Dahyun! Ask the girl out first you hopeless romantic!!! Wait is that a Hello Kitty sugar scrub?!?!?!

“Huh?” Dahyun’s eyes are wide when she comes out the bathroom, and sees you setting up your bed.

“I hope you don’t mind Dahyun, my roommate doesn’t want anyone sleeping in their room and our couch still hasn’t been delivered yet… soo we could sleep on the bed together?” You were nervously playing with your fingers, your eyes trained on her feet rather than her eyes.

This is your chance Dahyun take it! Take! It!

“Yeah! No, I don’t mind” Dahyun says with a nervous smile, and the way your face lights up has her stomach doing flips, the good kind.

Soft mattress, soft pillows, soft clothes, everything feels so soft and comfy.

It’s been two hours and Dahyun still hasn’t fallen asleep, lying stiffly on her side, her back facing you. It was only about an hour after the two of you had tucked in when Dahyun had heard your quiet breathes.

Just turn around, she’s asleep, nothing bad could happen, absolutely nothing bad. right?

Dahyun prepares herself, thinking that everything will be fine, she closes her eyes and turns around. She lets out a quiet sigh ready to look at your back before opening her eyes.

Ahhhhhhh!!

Your face was barely an inch from hers, just like when the two of you were looking out the window earlier. A soft groan leaves your lips, “Dahyun…” you mumbled under your breath.

OH MAY GAWD SO CUTE I’M GONNA DIE—

“Y-yes, Y/N” Both of you inched a little closer.

“It’s cold…is it okay if we snuggle up?” An eye-closed mumble.

“I don’t mind…” And you’re even closer to her now, wrapping an arm around her as Dahyun laid her head a breath away from your neck.

“Hmm…tis feels nice”

I AM CUDDLING WITH HER I AM CUDDLING WITH HER IM CUDDLING WITH—

“Thanks for coming over for the study date Dahyun, i really appreciate it”

This… was… a…date?

“Dahyun? Dahyun? Did you fall asleep?”

#twice x reader #twice #twice imagines #twice imagine #dahyun imagines #dahyun x reader #twice dahyun

[hoodzgyal]

I feel like Hal is kind of nervous to be submissive? (Sorry this is kinda long erm..)

Idk, he kinda has the vibe of a guy who was like, SUPER repressed due to the guys he was friends with in college and highschool, like those annoying mfs who call everything gay or call guys simps in a genuinely derogatory way just for being nice to their gfs. I don’t think he acted like that but I def think it affected how he goes about sex in general because he has this idea that, as ‘the man’ in the relationship, he has to be dominant at all times. But he wants to be subby for you, he’s just afraid of being seen as less than for it.

I feel like the first time you peg him he’s practically sobbing, holding his legs up for you and wheezing for air because it feels so good, but he’s ashamed that he enjoys it so much. He’ll probably cum right then and there if you praise him, tell him how proud of him you are. Mommy may or may not be accidentally said just a few times. Just a few.

DONT EVER APOLOGIZE FOR AENDING ME LONG ASS SHIT OK I LOVE THAT WHNEJENS

ur so right ????? cries cries cries cries cries ?????

hal can’t help but feel kinda pathetic as he lays on his back, thick legs and ass lubed up and spread wide. he wrinkles his nose as he imagines what he must look like to you as you stand at the edge of the bed, fisting the pink plastic dildo strapped to your hips.

“hal,” you admonish, like you were reading his mind, “you’re not any less of a man because you like to get fucked in the ass by your girlfriend. say it.”

“baby,” he winces, blushing and hiding his face as the tip probes his tight ring of muscle, “don’t- mmhfm, don’t say it like that.”

“say it, hal.”

“i’m not- hngh,” he moans as you slowly drive your hips deeper into him, “i’m not any… less of a man ‘cuz i… mmmfffuck, mommy…”

“doin’ so good, baby. keep goin’,” you coo at him as you bottom out before giving his neglected cock a few lazy strokes.

“not any less of a man ‘cuz i like your dick in my ass, mommy,” he finally finishes, whining and moaning without restraint.

after you fuck him the first time he’ll be begging for it every two weeks or so, like clockwork. poor baby just wants a chance to let go and relax, let you do all the work.

KITTY IS MEOWING LMFAO I NEED HIM🥺😩😩

#— evie speaks #— evie’s boytoys ! #hal jordan x reader #hal jordan x black!reader #hal jordan smut #hal jordan pls come fuck me #pls pls pls #um yes so #— evie dreams

[ohblackdiamond]

the story of mandate

I have wrestled with sharing this in detail for many months, both because it is a goofy story and because, well, it is a goofy story.

I went on a protracted hunt for a number of months for the issue of Mandate (a gay pornographic magazine) in which KISS have an article, because Peter's book explicitly states it was the first magazine they ever got an article in (this is actually incorrect, but I wasn't aware of that at the time) and because I could find absolutely nothing online about the writeup itself, and I was very curious. (The text is here, and some rather lazy scans are here, if you are interested.) KISS fandom has a bit more focus on stuff like the guitars and albums (imagine that), and if there is a repository of old KISS articles, I've never found it. I've never even found where anyone posted the full text of Paul's Playgirl article, although that issue used to be easy enough to find.

That, I thought, was the end of it. It's a puff piece, even if the picture of Paul in particular is pretty nice and even if they refer to them as "boys" and their look as "spicy." An offbeat piece of KISStory (incidentally this was not KISS' first or only foray into gay magazines-- Paul, as mentioned, was in Playgirl, which while ostensibly marketed to women, had a majority gay male audience, and KISS was featured in After Dark in July 1974), that I could never unload on ebay with anywhere near the ease or success of, say, the KISS Hello Kitty Beanie Babies.

That was it, until over two years later, when--

I went to a Gene event with my dear friend @elrohare in May 2023. On a whim, I had brought the magazine along with a couple other more traditional things (the RARO and Love Gun albums), trying to decide which of these I should get him to sign for me. @elrohare as anticipated/hoped, encouraged me to get him to sign Mandate.

I was extremely torn. Mostly, though, I was worried he'd take it in a way I didn't mean it, like it was an attempt to embarrass him. I didn't, and don't, think there's anything shameful about them being in the magazine. It is not an indication of their sexuality.

But wouldn't it be neat to have a signature on Mandate, instead of a signature on, say, Rock and Roll Over? At the very least, it probably wasn't something he'd had thrust in his face often, if ever. Probably ever. While Gene is known for being exceptionally friendly regardless (at a price), I thought it might, if he was receptive, start an interesting conversation.

And if not, I had those stupid KISS baseballesque (bubblegum) cards he could sign instead.

The day came and we both were starting to regret what we had decided to do. Cynthia suggested I just turn the magazine straight to the page he was on so that Gene would hopefully ask no questions and simply, blindly, sign. I did exactly that. My nerves were so bad in general that I was shaking and Gene's handler was having to wave his little Gene-hand-puppet (he'd drawn Gene's makeup on his fingers and thumb) to distract me and Cynthia into calming down.

Not only did Gene know exactly what magazine it was, even with it turned to the correct page, he exclaimed "Mandate!" got a big smile on his face, said, "I'm texting Paul right now," stopped the entire meet and greet to text Paul, had me hold up the magazine for him to take a picture, which he then sent to Paul, and simultaneously made and ruined my life right then and there.

"Paul's in this. They thought he was--" and he kind of waved his hand.

"You're in it, too!"

"No, Paul is in it."

"But you're... okay, okay, Paul is in it..." One does not simply argue with Gene Simmons. I tried. "I...if you don't want to sign it I have baseball cards!"

He opened the magazine and then declares it to be sticky.

"It's not sticky..."

He licked his thumb and proceeded to smear it on the pages as he turned them. Slowly. He just kept on going and going and going. Page after page of black and white vintage pornography.

"Okay, where is it?" he said after awhile (apparently, even Gene can eventually tire of seeing naked people).

"Page eight!" I said, very, very, very quickly. Everyone laughed. "And Gene's on page 9!"

Gene did turn to page eight and nine. But instead, he proceeded to deface my copy of Mandate with his artwork. The mostly-naked blonde on the front cover suddenly and incredibly was graced with Paul's 1970's hair and star on his eye. I wailed "Geeeene" in a pretty pathetic squeak.

"Where do you want me to sign?"

"On your picture...." (inside the magazine) (which he did). I think, had I stopped with his signature, I would've preferred he sign it on the cover, by his artwork, but already I had an idea. An awful idea.

Let's call this the Mandate Reunion and leave it at that.

Several months later, immediately after an Ace concert, I found myself in front of Cynthia in line (we had to do this one individually). Ace's entourage gazed at Mandate magazine with great interest and murmuring. They were accustomed to records, posters, comic books. They had not seen it before. I have rarely heard great things about meeting Ace and was anticipating total silence, and Ace to just blindly sign as I'd thought that Gene would.

Ace did not.

Ace took one look at that magazine, recognized it immediately, and looked me dead in the eye, even with the sunglasses.

"That's gay." (His tone was as a statement of fact, not as a judgment/anything derisive.) "Paul is in it."

"You're in it, too. Page nine."

Ace did not acknowledge that he was, in fact, in it.

"Do you really want me to sign this?"

No, Ace, I just brought this to you so you could look at it. You never have seen a picture of yourself before.

"Yes!"

Ace acquiesced, signing by his picture (making sure his signature was larger than Gene's), and was so distracted he forgot to switch pens or ask my name (he will personalize one autograph for you and typically swaps pen colors throughout autographs), though he wished me a safe trip home.

Two out of four. Now I was obligated to try for Peter, who, happily, had deigned to do Mad Monster Atlanta, which would not require me to fly out or book a hotel. Unlike the other adventures, I couldn't do this one with Cynthia and had to fly solo. I had met Peter prior at Creaturesfest and he was incredibly kind to me-- even teased me, gently, for my high, somewhat squeaky voice. I did not think he would object too hard, but was curious. Would he, like Gene and Ace, immediately go to, "That's gay, Paul is in it," and never really admit he was in it, too? Would he have some odd inside information about how Bill had gotten them the magazine space?

None of the above.

Peter looked at that magazine, immediately said, with great interest, "Is that guy on the cover naked?"

"No, no, he's got a rug-thing... he's not naked."

"Who is that, is that David Lee Roth?"

"No, I actually don't know who it is." (Apologies for my less than stellar responses-- I should have, obviously, told him that Gene had been the one to doodle on the front cover-- but I could not believe he was responding like he was responding!)

"He's got a nice ass, though. I've seen all kinds of asses." He continued to talk about asses for a solid bit of time there, looking quite pleased with himself (I think I told him there were lots more in the magazine), though I don't remember what he said exactly.

Peter was so far removed from the gentleman-of-KISS image that, for some reason, Kissfaq enjoys espousing. It's almost like they think not trashing the rest of the band equates to sainthood and erases all memory of hotel romps, threesomes, orgies, and asses. It was incredible. Gigi looked completely and absolutely appalled, but she did manage to ask if I wanted it signed in black (to match the others), and I said yes, ma'am, and she handed him the pen. Then she said that I was "too nice a girl for this [I think she meant to hear this/have the magazine]" and I said, "Oh, I dunno about that, it is my magazine" as I departed.

I guess the real KISStory was the porno the OGs signed along the way.

In summary, I'd like to thank the wonderful @elrohare for aiding and abetting and being a thorough part of both this very ridiculous quest and throughout so many of my KISS misadventures. Something weird always happens with KISS, guaranteed.

#kiss the band #gene simmons #paul stanley #peter criss #ace frehley #mandate magazine

[character-of-all-time]

I cannot emphasize how great the firestar-Sans team is. PROPAGANDA

Canon Firestar things.

Hated a child for like half an arc because he looked like his dad

Saved his fathers gay lover from exile

Killed his Emo Half-Brother after said half-brother RIPPED THEIR MUTAL ENEMIES STOMACH OPEN

Started dating his meangirl ex-bully

Had a crush on a cat-nun/doctor- that persisted after death to her ghost

The only Warrior Cat to ever be ok with adoption (Cloudtail)

Despite being called one of the most ‘morally right’ protagonists, he has KILLED SO MANY PEOPLE

Commits cat crimes (religious flavor)

As said before-hand he possessed someone and immediately went back on the murder grind.

is hardcore and attached a trans pin to his bare fur (dubiously cannon)

Is a cute kitty cat.

Sans-

Is now hanging out with a feral cat that probably has like 7LV

Silly

I don’t need to explain Sans undertale

But just imagine the funny man hanging out with a bright orange murder cat.

in a fight Firestar would win. Sorry not sorry

yea but u forgot to mention how the half brother ripped their mutual enemies stomach open specifically so hard that he went thru all 9 lives that clan leaders are granted instantly. which i think thats the ONLY time thats ever happened, more than one life being lost at once, unless it happened again after i stopped reading. thats how murderey that lil guy was.

(christ did yall ever read the scourge backstory manga? bc god that thing was ROUGH. he just wanted to use the tooth to get the collar off....)

that doesnt contribute to firestar i just think that scene embedded itself in my brain

#askance #propaganda #how old was scourge again at the time

[solunstell]

List of bsd headcanons

Dazai:

Has bpd. A lot of his traits remind me of my friends with it

He some kind of trans. Nonbinary. Transfem. Transmasc. Idk he's megender lmao

He's described as appearing very youthful in the first two light novels. I imagine that once the events of the main timeline start picking up though, with all the time stopping or slowing abilities that *dont affect him*, he actually ages faster than the other characters. I draw current dazai with small wrinkles, which also hints at stress and stuff

Also, I imagine current dazai getting tanner as he works in the light, as well as getting more prominent freckles.

Round/doe eyes because that is part of his appearance in my opinion. Seeming unsuspecting and innocent, especially during his mafia days

Bad eyesight in his right eye from being under the bandages for so long. Saw this headcanon and loved it

Similarly, beastzai has bad vision in general

I always call No Longer Human an anti-ability in my head, fun fact

He loves to touch other people. Not a fan of being touched by others unless asked

I draw him with red eyes in color, and usually black eyes in ink (inconsistent artstyle my beloved)

Aroace spectrum

heavy sleeper. Very

Chuuya

FRECKLES and tan from sheep days

He likes to be close to other people more than actually touching. Presence over contact

That shade of eyes that changes colors in the light (but I use a grey base lol)

Also some sort of trans, but in a different way than dazai

Brownish red hair. Not blazing, not just brown

That man is AUTISTIC

One time instinctively kicked a friend with his ability active, expecting them to dodge cuz he's used to dazai easily dodging. They did, but they were SO CLOSE to getting hit. Imagine a confused face like wtf why you try to kick me

Light sleeper, but every now and then sleeps like he just learned how to close his eyes

A lot of his jokes go over people's heads because they expect him to be serious and his voice just doesn't change between serious and not serious

Ranpo

Autism plus adhd ftw

Aroace spectrum

Poe

He/they vibes

Anxiety

Gay af

I can 100% see him being into knitting. Imagine the guide plus ranpo all in matching sweaters

Loves baking. Sooooo bad at it

Lucy

Bi (with a lean towards girlies) she/it

VERY good at baking

But she won't share :(

Atsushi

Anxiety, so much anxiety

Aroace spectrum vibes

Very easily idolizes people and then gets surprised when they actually like being around him

Akutagawa

Aroace spectrum

Autism cuz he is so mecore sometimes

Very trans vibes from me

(I like to imagine him having tourettes cuz I have tourettes and I am Not projecting)

Atsushi (special kitty hearing) and jouno being the only ones who can hear some of his tics. He will be horrified that anyone notices them

Wait no actually I'm gonna incorporate that into my belief system. That's canon now

Mori

Genuinely cares about a lot of his workers, but not all of them

He gives great bonuses for birthdays

He absolutely loves vtubers if bsd were in a modern setting. Rip mori. He'd have also loved vocaloid lmao

Ozaki

Masc energy. Fem energy. Ooh I can see ozaki with any pronouns and identity

Kinda person to accidently either overpack or underpack. Always has painkillers, never has a pen

Ridiculous memory. Incredible gift giver. Would get someone something months or years after overhearing them say they wanted something once

"Whyd you get me a hairdryer?"

"You said you needed one. I saw it and thought of you."

"...that was months ago. I got a hairdryer already."

"..." *takes hairdryer back* "sorry wrong person. I don't have my contacts in my bad"

She has perfect vision

Kunikida

Trans vibes. In any and every direction

Adhd af

Will always conveniently have room in his schedule when Aya wants to go do something and needs someone to go with her. No, he's TOTALLY not frantically writing and erasing things, get your glasses updated

You can usually count on him to continue the bit cuz he won't realize there is a bit occurring

#long post #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd headcanons #bsd dazai osamu #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #chuya nakahara #nakahara chuya #chuuya nakahara #chūya nakahara #kouyou ozaki #ozaki kouyou #mori ougai #ougai mori #edgar allan poe #ranpo edogawa #bsd edogawa rampo #bsd ranpo #atsushi nakajima #nakajima atsushi #ryuunosuke akutagawa #akutagawa ryunosuke #akutagawa ryuunosuke #bsd akutagawa #lucy maud montgomery #aya koda #doppo kunikida #kunikida doppo

[des1gnersadness]

if ur taking requests could you maybe do billy lenz with a sub! male reader nsfw? , theres not a lot of male reader content for him so im desperate LOL

if ur not taking requests i am sorry and its okay! thank you and have a nice day/night!! :3

sorry this took so long !

the smut is right under the cut.

thank you for requesting anon, i hope you like it!

Silent Night — Billy Lenz x sub!male reader smut

gif isn’t mine!

warnings: dom/sub, slight choking, some exposition at the beginning, reader isn’t that submissive at first but trust me — he is, reader is male, blow job, teasing, smut, and anything else I’ll think of I’ll add.

You were bored — well, as bored as one could be when you were in the middle of a party that Barbara Coard was throwing. Everyone was dancing, drinking, and smoking — you weren’t that interested though, partying hard was never your thing — you preferred to go to small get togethers where people would play cards or watch movies. “Oh my goodness! Y/N!” Jess Bradford called through the crowd as she made her way over — drink in hand.

Smiling at her, you stood up from the bench you had been on — glad to have someone you knew here, it was her sorority house too. “Jess!” You exclaimed happily — the two of you hugged before Jess took your hand and led you through the crowd to the kitchen.

—

“I didn’t even know you were gonna show.” Jess said with a genuine smile — she took a sip of the liquid from her cup. You shrugged — “I didn’t think I was going to in the first place but, then I thought about hanging out with you and I changed my mind.” To people on the outside — you and Jess looked like a picture perfect couple when in actuality, you were best friends — Jess was already in a relationship and you… you were working on that.

It was hard to find a gay guy in the seventies.

“Oh! I can’t believe I forgot to tell you!” Jess’ voice made you jump slightly — you looked at her as she spoke, “So, there’s this weird guy calling the house every night — it’s definitely just some prank calls but… they’re so strange that I’m starting to be freaked out by them.” She became nervous, “So I was wondering — could you spend the night here? Just for protection — please?” If it was any other person you would’ve said no but, this was Jess. You nodded, “Sure.”

—

You had settled in on the couch. Jess had given you some blankets along with a pillow — after she bid you goodnight and went to her room, you stayed up. The light from the lamp in the hallway was what you were staring at — day dreaming — your mind drifted to the guy Jess had been talking about earlier and you couldn’t help but wish the phone rang so you could be the one to answer it. Maybe Jess was exaggerating and you could give discipline to whoever kept calling.

Instead of the sound of the phone ringing — a meow and hiss came from upstairs — your eyes darted to the stairs and you suddenly felt scared. Getting up — you did what someone should never do in this situation — you went to the sound of the meow and came across the door to the attic.

Maybe you were just delirious and making things up.

THUMP

meow~

Now that, that came from just behind the attic door. Your motherly (fatherly?) instincts kicked in — you were going to rescue that cat even if it meant getting dirty.

—

Climbing up into the attic, you tried your best to look around in the darkness — the moon seemed to try and help but it didn’t illuminate enough to where you could see. “Here kitty, kitty, kitty — where are you?” You whispered loudly — hoping to not scare off the feline. A clatter of things falling startled you. You turned to where the sound came from and saw nothing. You furrowed your brows as you soon realized something else was breathing in the same exact way as you.

Holding your breath — you heard the ragged breathing of someone rather close to you. Doing something you usually wouldn’t do — you reached out blindly and touched something soft. It was a sweater, that much you could tell — your hands lay flat against it. Your fingers splayed and that seemed to make the person grumble. “Piggy.” Was all they said and your eyes widened in fear. Before you could pull away — the person held your hands in place. “Billy w-wants more~More.”

The mystery person was a guy whose name was Billy and who was clearly wanting you to touch him in places you usually wouldn’t when you first meet someone. “What..?” Is the only thing you can get out before you’re pulled close to Billy — his mouth latching onto your own, drool from his own mouth covers your chin. The kiss was hurried as Billy groaned in an animalistic way. Your teeth clatter as Billy slides his tongue into your mouth and fights against your own. He grabs your hips, rutting against you as he repeats the word “more.”

Honestly, you were aroused — it’s been a while and being touched like this made you hard. Billy’s hand went to your head and shoved you down to your knees — so you were now eye level with his growing erection. He was straining against his jeans, that was for sure, he urged you on and even squealed when you took a second too long to get his pants off and around his ankles. “Suck Billy’s fat c-cock.” He said through a giddy laugh which sent a chill up your spine. You slid off his underwear and his erection sprung up — slapping against his belly. Pre-cum leaked from the mushroom tip.

Grabbing his shaft — you slid your thumb on the slit on the tip and slid the pre-cum as lube. You placed your mouth around the tip and began to go down further every time you bobbed your head. “More~” Billy groaned as he began shoving your head further down his dick. The girth made your throat hurt slightly — your gag reflex wasn’t that good so as he began to fuck your face, you were getting closer to gagging, and once you did, Billy giggled happily. “Gag on Billy’s fat cock p-piggy.” You moaned against him but before Billy came, he pulled out of your mouth.

A rope of drool was connecting your mouth and his dick. You looked up at him through hazy eyes, “Wh-?” Before you could even think of finishing your sentence — Billy pounced on you — he began taking your pants off at a rapid rate. “Billy wants to f-fuck your tight h-hole~” He exclaimed making your eyes widen. You let him take the lead and he made sure to get the perfect angle to your tight hole. He spit on his fingers and began to fuck you with his fingers — instantly starting off with two fingers.

“Fuck!” You moaned out at the feeling before enjoying the feeling — your eyes closed in satisfaction before Billy pulled away. You looked at him and right as he did — he thrusted himself into you. You moaned loudly, making Billy place a hand on your neck, tightening slightly, “Shhh, p-piggy needs to be quiet o-or else those c-cunts will hear.” He mumbled making you hold back your moans — you bit your lip as you whimpered.

Billy grinned and began to pick up his pace, he breathed heavily. You felt yourself getting close — the knot at the bottom of your stomach felt like it was getting tighter and tighter — Billy’s hand tightened around your throat and that let the knot unravel as you came — your cum spilling all over yourself. Billy drooled at the sight as he quickly came right after you did. He slid out of you without warning which caused you to hiss. Billy placed another kiss on your lips before he spoke.

“Goodnight p-pretty piggy.”

#smut #slashers #slashers x male reader #70s #male reader #billy lenz x male reader #x reader #requested #requested by anon #black christmas #billy lenz x reader

[totaldrama-showdowns]

Submissions for Most Transgender that didn’t make it into the bracket!

Duncan (2)

Idfk transmasc Duncan who also happens to be misogynistic is hilarious to me and makes him such a better character

Look,

Sammy (2)

How to make poorly-developed characters infinitely more interesting: transgenders them. That is a nonbinary egg

Demi-girl. fuck it, gives her cool gender juice

Crimson (2)

transmasc crimson

She's got that transfem swag. to me

DJ (2)

nomebinary. he likes lemonade

dj is so transgender in all ways but ive recently become rather fond of transfem dj. people keep telling her to man up and she's like huh? :(

Mal (2)

agender. He's been he/it

Yeah I know I just submitted svetlana but mal is also trans...

Wayne (2)

Wayne

Raj (2)

gay AND trans because i said so

Geoff (2)

He is canonically dickless. (That one moment in X-Treme Torture where they did not censor between his legs despite him lacking pants). Also he’s totally the type to display his top surgery scars proudly.

katie and sadie (2)

changing their names to be similar to eachother. its cute.

cody (2)

t4t coderra please please please

he's got toy cringe

Chase (2)

ripper do you think I'm transgender

he's rep for trans guys who are assholes!!!

Justin (2)

nobody will get it but me but trans girl justin please...

Intern Girl / That one intern that wayne helped (2)

Mike (2)

Tyler (2)

T4T LYLER SEE MY VISION..... he could go any way for me i love transmasc tylers i love transfem tylers....... i love you tyler

Jen (2)

You know Bulletproof heart... yeah Johnny/Jenny

she just gives transbian

Staci (2)

She's got that "just started transitioning" haircut

actually her great great great great great great grandparent invented gender. mhm. yah.

Junior (2)

i like to think the reason dwayne sr is all "man men manly men" is because he's trying to bond with his recently out son and supporting him in his transition. he's just being weird about it

Sam

She’s just an egg!!

Emma (2023)

Wanna know why we got another Emma after ridonculous race? It’s because TD Emma named herself after RR Emma during her transition

millie

nonbiney swaggr

transfem ennui

Chris McLean

Trans rights, sure, but Chris supports trans wrongs

scarlett

the mtf creature ever

all of them

none of these fuckers are cis

Dakota

both shawn and dave together

maybe its just all the fanart but they really bring out each others transmascness

Kitty

she is just so non-binary to me

Axel

Ripaxel can also be yaoi

Eva

Blaieneley (is that how u spell it??)

divorced trans swag

Me

Nichelle

Courtney

i can see it

Gwen's face

Gwen is trans therefore the boat "Gwen's face" is also trans. In this essay I will

Beardo

he has fucking voice dysphopria

Dave

failcore

Leonard

cant grow his own fucking wizard beard

rodney

stupid lesbian

topher

he transitioned just to rival chris

Caleb

i need to give him a redeeming feature

Emma tdr

transfem swag

brody

Kelly

milf and also trans. the whole package

Mary

that is just a trans woman in stem

tammy

she'z cute

#most transgender showdown #unused submissions

[starsfic]

Stuck in the Body of a Mad King!

Summary: Red gets hit by a car and wakes up in the body of his favorite novel's villain. Yeah, you know how this goes...except for the part where he isn't alone!

Note: I...do not like the quality of this. Just as a warning.

AO3

This was not the best part of Hong Hai-er (also known as Red)’s life.

He was a broke college student. He knew that was supposed to be like a phase in every person’s life, but Red hated it. He hated turning to his parents whenever he lost a job. His parents- his father a line cook and his mother a secretary- had their own struggles. They couldn’t afford to feed an adult man- they were already stretched thin with paying for his therapy bills.

He had a passion, yes, but that wasn’t what everyone in his life wanted him to do. “He’s shown great talent in engineering,” every academic advisor said, revealing his perfect grades to his proud parents. “He’ll probably do great work in business or factory work.”

Except Red didn’t want to do business or factory work. He wanted to be an inventor, ever since he was a kid. New ideas came up every day, drawn on napkins or the margins of his notes, all ready to be invested and made.

Except Red kept getting rejected.

Both in work and in life.

Red didn’t really have any friends. He had a study group, here and there, but then days would go by and Red was soon by himself again. He couldn’t really blame them. And forget dating. Red knew he was gay, but what kind of idiot would want a scrawny guy who forgot to get his favorite red trenchcoat patched up every day?

Only one person had ever turned his eye and he wasn’t real.

Qi Xiaotian was the protagonist of Red’s favorite graphic novel series Adventures of the Successor. It was a series of graphic novels inspired by Journey to the West, with Xiaotian taking up Sun Wukong’s staff and defeating those who would threaten the peace. He was a great beauty, wonderful at both cooking and in art, and the son of the powerful Sun Wukong.

He was everything Red wasn’t.

Still, Red found himself harboring a very small, nearly nothing, crush. He had to be in hundreds of forums singing the novel’s praises and spent hours deep in the novel’s fandom. It probably wasn’t the healthiest hobby, but Red couldn’t really bring himself to care.

Especially right now.

He’d had another meeting with his advisor and had to explain, in detail, what happened to his latest attempt at a internship interview. It was humiliating to have to go through that whole thing twice.

Now Red was walking back, having pulled up his favorite chapter of Successor.

For the second quarter of the story, Qi Xiaotian was married to Demon King Red, the evil son of the Demon Bull King who agreed to stop conquering China if Xiaotian married him. Admittedly, Xiaotian falling in love with the guy was a touch out of character, something that the writer admitted in notes. But his love soon faded when he married Red and the king just…resumed his evil ways. Hell, he even had a mistress!

This chapter, however, really started Xiaotian’s journey from just being Sun Wukong’s son to being a hero in his own right. He had confronted his husband about how he had failed to keep to their agreement and, in his anger at being questioned, the king had slapped him before cruelly laughing in his face.

That?

Red loved the sight of teary eyes filling with determination.

The next few chapters, Xiaotian would knit the king’s destruction, to the very last chapter of the arc in which he would meet his so-called husband in battle. The deadly killing blow was one of the best peices of art in the novel, but it was this chapter that was Red’s favorite.

He felt determined, staring into that eye.

Determined to succeed.

Determined to-

Red grunted as a body hit him, shaking him from his determined talk. “Sorry, Mister!” a young girl yelled over her shoulder. Long dark hair spilled around her shoulders as she chased a plump cat down the street. “Kitty, get back here!”

Red sighed as he tucked his phone back into his pocket. At least she had dragged him back to reality. At least before he walked into the road looking into his phone. That would’ve been a recipe for disaster-

HONK!

Like the little girl, who had finally grabbed her cat and was busy scolding him, standing in the middle of the street. Like the car racing down the street, honking furiously. Like her apparent deafness and its apparent lack of brakes.

Like Red’s stupidity.

“KID!” He took off down the street, throwing his backpack off to sprint faster. “KID, GET OUT OF THE WAY!”

HONK!

The girl looked up and he could see her eyes go wide. She didn’t move a muscle even as the cat yowled and scrabbled free of her arms.

“KID, MOVE!”

HONK!

“KID, WATCH OUT-”

Red shoved. The little girl screamed as she fell forward.

HOOOOONK!

He felt the car slam into him, throwing him over the roof. And then suddenly the world went dark. Faintly, he heard the little girl scream “Someone call an ambulance!”

Yeah…yeah…that made sense…hopefully she was alright…

Before Red could open his eyes, he was out.

-_-

Oh, his head.

His head ached like a mallet had been taken to it. What had happened? This couldn’t be a hangover. Red had stopped drinking alcohol when his therapist suggested it was making his outbursts worse. He reached up, rubbing his eye, hoping that would relieve the pain or at least the annoyance of that weird noise at the back of his head. It didn’t.

Oh. Wait. He remembered now.

There had been a little girl and a cat. There had been a speeding car.

Was he dead? No. Red, deep down, had a feeling. He wasn’t dead. Otherwise his head wouldn’t hurt so much.

The hospital? Maybe? That would explain the weird noise. There had been other people there, he knew that. Someone would’ve called the police at least for the speeding car.

“-well?”

Well? Well what?

Wait, someone was speaking to him. Red just…had to open his eyes.

He opened them and blinked.

This wasn’t the hospital.

He stood in a grand room, decorated in red and gold, people all staring at him. Red blinked.

“Well?”

He looked forward and his heart skipped a beat. A man with dark curls tied back by a red headband stood in front of him. He wore beautiful red and orange robes, arms crossed. He looked absolutely beautiful, even with an ugly frown on his face. Red knew that face. He had spent almost three years staring at that handsome face.

This was Qi Xiaotian.

And then suddenly his first word hit. Red blinked. “...well what?”

Qi Xiaotian’s frown grew deeper. “We’re all waiting for you to say it, my king,” He spread his arms, showing off the crowd. All of them, dressed in fancy clothes, were staring at them. “Say what you really mean.” Wait, what was going on?

“I…wait, my king?”

Xiaotian scoffed. “I knew it,” He turned. “Now, if you excuse me, husband,” He began to walk. “I will be in my chambers.”

“Wait, hang on-” Red couldn’t help himself. Why wasn’t he in the hospital? What was the cosplay here? He reached out, grabbing the Xiaotian cosplayer’s shoulder. “Is this some kind of weird fever dream-?”

“What?” Xiaotian turned. Whoever this cosplayer was, they were doing a really good job- his nose scrunch as he narrowed his eyes was spot-on. He hadn’t even taken in all the animal and half-animal demons that were a part of the throng. “No, it isn’t a dream. You need to shape up-”

He tightened his grip, just a bit, taking a step closer. “Wait, hang on-”

SMACK!

Several gasps rolled through the room. Red yelped, yanking his hand back. He blinked as he looked down, rubbing where a red spot was beginning to form. That…had hurt. Which placed this in the category of weird cosplay thing. That still didn’t explain-

Why he didn’t have calluses.

Red turned his hand, flexing it. His hands were rough from his work, a small calluse always on his finger from holding his pen too hard. Except his hands were soft and smooth, as if he hadn’t done a day of work. And his head felt weirdly heavy. Red grabbed some hair and tugged it into view.

His heart skipped a beat.

“Uh, Red?” Xiaotian knew his name. He would freak out about that later. Right now, he was blinking at him as if he was crazy. “What’s with that look?”

“...where’s a mirror?”

“What?”

“I- I need a mirror.” There was no way. Red looked around, receiving only baffled and confused looks back. There was no absolute way. “I need a mirror!”

Xiaotian gestured to the door. “You know the powder room is right down the hall-”

“THANK YOU!”

He didn’t see several jaws drop. Instead, Red was more focused on sprinting out of the room, feeling something swish around his legs as he sprinted down a very fancy hallway. The first door next to the turn was the room he darted into.

Thankfully, it was the powder room or whatever. It didn’t matter. Not when there was a mirror! Red slammed the door and turned to the mirror. Suddenly, the fire under his ass died down.

That was him? That man in the mirror?

Red blinked. Shakily, he rose a hand to his face. The man in the mirror did the same.

This wasn’t his face.

Instead of dark hair tied back in a ponytail, long red curls swished down.

Instead of brown eyes, amber eyes burned like embers.

Instead of his food-stained hoodie, he wore red and orange robes.

This wasn’t Hong Hai-er, major disappointment to his teachers. This was Demon King Red, terror to all of China.

The door opened and closed.

“That was quite a scene out there.”

Red turned, biting back a scream. A beautiful girl, dressed in simple yellow robes, stared at him. Her long dark curls were braided back with yellow ribbons, revealing soft cheeks and dazzling green eyes. He knew this woman just as well as he knew Demon King Red’s face.

This was Yang Yuhuan. At first just a simple maid, she had caught the king’s eye and soon became his mistress. During this arc, she was one of Qi Xiaotian’s greatest enemies, using her tears and her beauty to get the king and any foolish men to do as she wished. Red hated her on principal.

Except, now… he glanced down and felt himself pale.

He was in the king’s body. Yang didn’t know that a gay twink had taken over the body of her lover. She probably thought now was a good time for a quickie! Red stepped back, flattening himself against the wall. “Uh, hi, Yang…”

She frowned, cocking her head. “You usually call me Xīngān.”

Shit, right. But Red really didn’t want to call this woman “other half.” His body rejected the idea with a twist of his stomach. “Yeah, but, uh…” Shit shit shit how did this happen?! The body thing, not the whole being cornered by said body’s mistress. Although Red was wondering which sin got him trapped here. “I was thinking…” She took a step closer and his back started to ache from how deeply he was pressing himself into the wall. “I should really work on my relationship with my husband-”

“Who won the table tennis world championships?”

Red blinked. “What?”

Yang took a step back, crossing her arms with a grin. “You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?”

“I uh- no- what?” What was going on?

She held out a hand, only adding fuel to the fre. “Long Xiaojiao. Dimensional traveller currently stuck in the body of a whiny crybaby.” Red blinked. Wait. She was like him? He took her hand, giving it a shake. “And please tell me the championship winner, I fell off my motorcycle right before the last final was supposed to happen.”

“I don’t know.” Red finally managed. Wait, no, there was more important things going on. “What…how?! How is this possible?!” He gestured at his reflection, resisting a shudder at the sight of red hair. “I’m- We’re the villains of my favorite graphic novel! It’s just a comic!”

“Hey!” There was a firm slap on his arm. “Xiaotian’s been working very hard on this comic! Don’t insult it!”

“Xiaotian is-” Her words hit. “Wait, he’s a real person too?”

“No!” Xiaojiao pinched the bridge of her nose. “I mean, yes! I mean, I don’t think the Xiaotian here is possessed by anyone.” Nope, he seemed very in character. His hand ached from how in character he was. “I mean, Qi Xiaotian in our world. He’s my best friend.” There was another firm slap on his arm. “So don’t insult his work, capiche?”

Red wasn’t sure what to say to that. Whether it was the situation he was in or the fact that Qi Xiaotian was a real person, his brain was shorting out. Finally, he croaked out “Okay.” Xiaojiao narrowed her eyes and he added “I’m sorry.”

“That’s better.” Her smile returned, the edges a bit strained and worn. “But, yeah, I have no idea what was going on. All I remember is my motorcycle hitting a guy and me falling off.”

Red nodded. “I got hit by a car.” Xiaojiao’s eyes went wide. “I mean, I wasn’t in a car at the time but-” Her eyes got even wider and, yeah, that didn’t sound much better. “Are we dead? Every novel I’ve read with this sort of plotline has the main character dying first. Are we dead?”

“Actually, no,” Xiaojiao looked like she wanted to ask about his whole car thing, but she moved onto the next topic. She pressed a finger to her ear. “Be quiet and listen.”

Red raised a brow. “Be quiet-”

A hand slammed against his mouth. “Listen,” Xiaojiao hissed.

He shut his mouth and she pulled her hand away. Silence trickled between them, like a breath had just been taken. Red felt his eye twitch as the seconds passed with nothing. What exactly was he supposed to listen for-

There it was again. That weird noise at the back of his head.

Red raised a brow. Was that the noise he was listening for? Now that he thought about it, it sounded like…

“A heartbeat monitor?”

Xiaojiao nodded. “Yeah! I’ve been hearing it since I got here!” Her smile was now more real as she bounced on her heels. “I’m pretty sure we’re both alive-”

“So weird fever dream. Got it- OW!”

Xiaojiao pulled her pinching fingers away. “Nope. I’ve tried waking up. Pinching, jumping off a balcony, everything.” A balcony?! “I’m pretty sure this world is real but, for some reason, our brains are here while our bodies are back home.”

“So, what?” Red groaned. “Do we just wait? That sounds like a situation where our plugs get pulled.” He refused to die. Not until he finally got an invention made!

“That’s basically my guess.” Xiaojiao sighed. “We survive and wait. That’s all we really can do.”

“But I-” Red felt himself pale. He had set the story off track. That was a good thing for his survival, but after? “I changed the story! Xiaotian was supposed to start planning a rebellion when the king hit him!” Oh, great. Red let his face fall in his hands. “I just screwed up the story,” he admitted. “I don’t wanna live through the story.” He hated this king! He hated everything about this!

A hand patted his shoulder. “Yeah, I hear ya. I can’t count the number of times the king tried to corner me,” Xiajiao sighed. Her hand pulled away and there was a clap sound. “But, don’t worry! We both know what the comic is supposed to be like! We can try to keep things together until we wake up!”

Red raised his face. “That’s the solution?”

“Yes,” Xiaojiao nodded with another of thoe too-wide grins. “I mean, I know what this arc is all about.” Huh. So that theory was true. Red had dismissed this arc, despite it being his favorite, as just a shoehorned romance.

“I mean, what do you know? What’s the comic about?” She knew the author. And now that he knew that, his curiosity was boiling in his chest.

Xiaojiao sighed. “Red, the king, is based off this ex Xiaotian has,” She was smiling again, but it was too wide. “He…caught him cheating with a girl who looked like me.” Oof, ouch. “And during the following argument, he confessed he had fallen in love with me and tried asking me out right then and there, which,” She shrugged. “Dude knew I’m a lesbian. I’m not sure how he thought that was gonna work.”

“What happened?”

She shrugged again. “Last I heard, he dumped the girl to go chase some Russian chick.”

Wow. That was a lot to unpack. “So everything that happens in the arc,” Red felt sweat start to roll down the back of his neck. “All the war, the beheading, the banishment, all that…”

“That was just Xiaotian venting his feelings.” Xiaojiao sighed, crossing her arms. “Which isn’t a problem, until now.”

Right. Rebellion and beheading and banishment and all that crap.

“We can keep off dying until we’re out,” Red said, repeating the plan back. “How hard can it be?”

-_-

When Red had first proposed to him, Xiaotian had been excited.

Most of his adventures had required him to use force to bring peace. He tried talking things out first, always, but most of the time people just weren’t interested. The Lady Bone Demon was too focused on her dream of making the world free of pain, Jin and Yin were too focused on their goals of getting rich and causing chaos, hell even Macaque refused to listen for the longest time! However, Red had stopped.

He had listened.

He had given Xiaotian hope.

He probably should’ve seen the red flags waving when it came to his now-husband. Red had only stalled his military plans during their courtship, not stopped them entirely. He listened but only cared about a few things. Most of the gifts he gave Xiaotian barely related to him at all. Hell, one time they could’ve killed him, with his allergies to spider flour giving him a reaction to that spider cake! Still, Xiaotian had hoped despite everyone’s warnings. He had agree to Red’s marriage proposal.

Now look where he was.

A consort who sat next to a tyrant, unable to stop the suffering and pain. A demon who could not do his magic without eliciting scorn. A man who spent long nights in a lonely bed, listening to his husband fuck another. He hated it. If he had been a weaker man, Xiaotian was sure he wouldn’t survive.

But he stayed his hand. His father depended on him. His bestie, his loyal knight, depended on him. Hundreds of people depended on what little Xiaotian could do.

Especially now.

Red seemed…off. He had been acting off ever since their argument, yes, but this seemed even more off than usual. He had been weirdly kind and attentive, acting more like a stuttering schoolboy than the madman that he had revealed himself to be. Xiaotian debated this as he settled in his seat at the training field, spreading out his fan to hide his considering fan as the doors opened to reveal Red. He stepped onto the training field and stood, waiting at attention. There was silence as everyone waited.

Why wasn’t he taking off his shirt? Red would usually remove his shirt in a dramatic flourish, reveling in the moans and screams of the members of court who lusted over him.

“What?” Red finally spoke, looking around. “I’m ready.”

There was some mutters and some people stepped back, clearly unsure of what to say. The king was famous for his rage-filled outbursts at anyone questioning him, even if there was a good reason to do so. A few court members were even glancing at him. Xiaotian sighed, pulling the fan away from his face. “Won’t you take off your shirt, my lord?” he called.

Red blinked. “My…shirt…” He looked down and his eyes went wide. “Oh, um, yeah!” 

Instead of the usual dramatic flourish, he slowly took it off, looking around as if he couldn’t believe he was doing this. The moment it was off, he looked around again, as if he needed some kind of cue. A flash of yellow and Xiaotian glanced away from his husband’s strange behavior.

Yang Yuhuan was waving at his husband.

A burst of anger made his mouth taste sour but Xiaotian swallowed it back. He knew he didn’t have the right to complain. This marriage had been made of convenience, not love. Red had every right to take whatever mistress he chose, despite what the court said about her. Xiaotian pulled his eyes away from her, unable to resist gripping his robes. He could deal with these emotions later…

A shadow fell over him.

“Um,” Red blinked at him, still holding his shirt. “I…well…you see…” Xiaotian raised a brow and suddenly Red’s shirt was in his face. “Can you hold onto my shirt for me?”

Xiaotian blinked. “What?”

“You don’t have to, it’s just…um…” Red looked around as though looking for another cue. There was another flash of yellow and Xiaotian could see Yang facepalm. Red glanced back, at her, and the taste of anger grew even more sour in his mouth. “I guess I could give it to-”

No.

Xiaotian grabbed at the garment, yanking it so fast that Red could only blink at him. There was a shocked breath behind him and Xiaotian felt his face heat up even worse. Oh no. He took a deep breath, trying to look like he hadn’t lost his mind. “I’ll take it.”

And the gesture attached.

“Thank you, Xiaotian,” Red smiled warmly. And then the words were spoken. The words Xiaotian had hoped for but had never gotten for months. “You look handsome today.”

And with that, Red was walking away.

Xiaotian glanced at his husband’s mistress. Yang looked weirdly happy. Her grin was wide and she was bouncing on the heels of her feet. That was weird. Normally, if Red gave Xiaotian any positive attention, Yang would be in tears. A gesture like this, symbolizing that Red wanted to lay with him tonight, would be cause for even bigger waterworks.

“Something’s up.”

A pat on his shoulder made him glance up. “I see you’ve noticed it too,” Azure Lion, advisor to the king and his father’s old friend, was frowning at his husband. “The king has been off in recent days.”

“Yes and look at Yang.” Xiaotian nodded to the maid who was beaming at Red. 

“No tears.” Yellow Tusk, another advisor and old friend of Sun Wukong, rumbled. 

There was still no tears. In the first few weeks of his marriage, he would’ve been happy. Red was giving him attention and Yang wasn’t ruining it. Now, however, dread was making his stomach twist. “I think they’re planning something.”

“What?” Azure glanced at him. “Xiaotian, my boy, I would not immediately jump to that conclusion.” Too late, he was already jumping. “Perhaps they’ve simply just quarreled and…” There was a pause. “I hear myself.”

“Yang’s reputation has only been getting worse at court.” Xiaotian heard all the gossip, after all. The only thing that kept Yang from doing anything about it was that she was just Red’s mistress and, besides that, just a maid. The former role kept her from doing any hard, unneeded work as the latter, but she still had to work. “I am the only thing keeping them from getting married.”

A deep noise rumbled through him and he didn’t even have to look up to see Azure was growling. “If they attempt to harm you, Xiaotian, I promise. Yellow Tusk and I will make sure you stay safe-”

Red’s hands lit up in fire.

And he started screaming.

Xiaotian jolted in his seat in surprise and then yelped as claws dug into his skin. “Sorry, sorry,” Azure hissed as he pulled his hand away. “I didn’t expect that.” Red was still screaming, waving his flaming hands around, looking around frantically as if he needed help. “Is this a new part of his training?”

“I have no idea,” Xiaotian admitted, looking around as warmth bloomed on his shoulder. Several other court members looked confused as well. He could already see people beginning to whisper. The warmth faded and he glanced at his shoulder. Untouched. “Thanks, Yellow Tusk-”

“SOMEONE GET ME SOME WATER!”

Eyes landed on Xiaotian. Ah, right, he was the husband. The only person who (possibly) wouldn’t get killed if he questioned the order. “Why do you need water?!” he yelled back.

Red glanced at him to his hands. “MY FUCKING HANDS ARE ON FIRE!” he yelled. “I…” Xiaotian raised a brow and realization bloomed across his face. “I…I…Um…” Yang was facepalming, looking strangely annoyed. The fire floomed out. “I WAS JUST TESTING YOU!” Red looked very pleased at himself for the excuse. “YES, JUST A TEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE ABOUT ME! NOW-”

“OI, YOU IDIOT!” Gasps and shrieks rang out across the field at the insult. All eyes turned to Yang, who looked very annoyed. “GET OVER HERE!” Red jumped before practically sprinting over.

That sealed it.

Something was up.

His fan returned to his position over his mouth, hiding his frown.

And Qi Xiaotian intended to get to the bottom of it.

-_-

The room that Long Xiaojiao led him into looked like the armory. Red didn’t have the time to take it in, or the brainpower to do so. Xiaojiao slammed the door shut and whirled around on him. 

“Are you fucking insane?!”

“Possibly.” Red wasn’t really sure what else to say. There was another grunt and he hissed. “Look, I forgot! How was I supposed to remember that my hands could light up in fire?!” As if on cue, warmth spread over his hands. Red looked down and managed out a scream. Xiaojiao facepalmed and his scream died in his throat. The flames died down.

“I thought you were the biggest fan,” she sighed as she pulled her hand away. “Remember? Red Son is the Demon Bull King’s son, one of the only demons to actually hurt Sun Wukong-”

“With his Samadhi fire, right.” He was so lucky that having that sealed away was part of the villain’s backstory. Red had no idea what he would’ve done if this body still had that power. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m stressed. It slipped my mind.” Red rubbed his face, still feeling the heat prickling under his skin. “I have to keep in mind all these rules and decorum for a guy I really didn’t pay much attention to unless he was with Xiaotian.”

“How do you think I’m doing?!” Xiaojiao gestured to her maid dress- a beautiful shade of yellow, making her stand out, but still a maid dress. “This girl went and made everyone think all I’m good for is laying there like a fucking-” She took a deep breath. “And sobbing my eyes out when things don’t go my way! I could be doing stuff to keep my mind off the fact that I’m waiting to wake up, but they don’t let me!”

He could practically feel the heat of anger in her face. Shame cooled down the anger in his own chest. Red hadn’t really thought of what Xiaojiao had to deal with. She always seemed fine when they met up to talk about stuff, like her bestie or his parents.It had only been a week since he had gotten stuck here and they were bonding due to a traumatic situation, but Red honestly felt like he had made a friend.

He didn’t want to ruin it already.

“I’m sorry.” He undid his ponytail and began to redo it, the familiar motion also a soothing gesture. “I should have thought of what you’re going through here. You’re in a world where your bestie hates you.” And some other girl, the one actually based off of her, was taking her place. (Neither Red nor Xiaojiao were sure why she had got stuck in Yang’s body inside of Knight Long’s body.)

Xiaojiao sighed and her shoulders went slack. “I’m sorry too.” She held out her arms. “Hugs?”

“What?”

“Awkward friend hug? To deal with our feelings?” She smile, holding her arms out. Red leaned back and she stepped forward. “C’mon, you know you wanna. One little hug for your bestie.”

“I wouldn’t-” He sighed. “Fine.”

Xiaojiao grinned and wrapped her arms around him. After a pause, Red wrapped his arms around her. There was a brief but comforting squeeze before both of them went “Pat pat!” patting each other on the back. Xiaojio stepped back first, her smile a little more honest.

“Okay. Go get a shirt. They’re probably wondering what’s going on.”

Red nodded. “Yeah. Talk to you later.”

As he opened and closed the door, he heard her respond in kind. The walk through the halls was thankfully absent of anyone. Red didn’t really want to look at anyone after that humiliation.

Red shut the door with a sigh. This day could’ve gone so much better-

“What did Yang have to say?”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, whirling around. In the dim sunset light, he hadn’t seen Qi Xiaotian when he entered. His “husband” sat on a chair, dressed in a dark dressing gown, his amber eyes dimly glowing in the light. Then his question hit.

“Oh, uh, she was wondering if I was going crazy.” Kinda. Red stepped closer. “And told me to get a grip on myself.” That didn’t sound like a word the actual Yang would say, but he was tired. He sighed, starting to walk past. “I’m gonna go take a bath and-”

“What else?”

He paused. “What?”

Xiaotian stood. One shoulder of his dressing gown slid, exposing a beautiful shoulder, but he didn’t correct it. Instead, he walked over to a cabinet and opened it, revealing several bottles. A small glass was pulled down. “What else did you two talk about?” Xiaotian repeated, grabbing a clear bottle and pouring a glass of clear whatever.

This felt like a trap. “That’s it.” Red looked around. “Uh, that’s about it. That’s all. Why do you ask?”

Xiaotian threw back the glass. “You’ve been acting weird.”

“No, I haven’t-”

“See, that!” Suddenly there was a finger in his face. Red blinked, leaning back. Xiaotian didn’t seem to care, still glaring and with no explanation of how he crossed the room so fast. “You’re actually talking to me. Usually when you don’t want me to know something that I was asking, you would just walk past. I hate when you do that!” Ah…yeah. Right.

Red couldn’t do that now, however. “Well, um…” He looked around, hoping some excuse would pop up. Nothing came to mind. “Well, uh, you see…I was just talking to…”

“Is it that slut you keep fooling around with?!” At the words, Xiaotian clamped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide as if he didn’t believe what he just said. Red almost couldn’t believe it either. Both of them stared at each other, the cruel words settling between them. Xiaotian pulled his hand away. “I am…so sorry…” he said. “Despite my anger, she-”

He couldn’t do this.

Red launched forward, wrapping his arms around Xiaotian, pulling him close. His lips collided with the other man’s mouth and his entire body seemed to freeze.

His first kiss.

This…was his first kiss.

Even with all the daydreams of meeting and romancing Qi Xiaotian, never did Red actually think that his first kiss would be with him. His lips were cool, probably due to how hot his body had to run, and unmoving.

Right. He did just suddenly smooch him.

Red pulled back. Xiaotian blinked and it was unfair how pretty he was as dark lashes fanned over reddening cheeks. He swallowed back the urge to kiss him again and instead started with “I am…so sorry, I should have-” Hands rested on his shoulders. “...done something more appropriate…”

Xiaotian moved forward.

Those cool, soft lips pressed against his mouth.

Red jolted in surprise before giving into the urge to press into the kiss feeling his arms wrap around Xiaotian. It felt all too short before Xiaotian pulled away, blinking up at him.

He wasn’t sure if the world’s sparkliness was because of him or because this world was weird, but Xiaotian looked perfect. “This is the first time you’ve kissed me,” he sighed.

“...really?”

“Not since our wedding.” Xiaotian admitted, pushing forward and kissing him again. “Not since you’ve met Yang.” Another soft smack of lips pressed again against him before tears began to bead up in Xiaotian’s eyes. “Please don’t replace me with her.”

Red couldn’t help it. “I promise, I won’t,” He held Xiaotian close. Something niggled at his brain, something screaming about making fake promises, but he couldn’t remember what. “You’re the only one for me, Xiaotian.”

There was a little sigh and Xiaotian leaned back.

He looked like he didn’t believe him.

Still, his smile was warm as he led Red to the bed.

-_-

As he stared at the ceiling, feeling the warm and asleep Xiaotian at his side, Red could remember what was bugging him.

Sooner or later, he would leave and Demon King Red would be back. Xiaotian hadn’t had his realization about what a real bastard he was. He would do something and then suddenly Xiaotian would be dead.

Red tightened his grip on Xiaotian.

“Fuck.”

#my writing #au #LMK #LMK AU #Monkie Kid #Monkie Kid AU #LEGO Monkie Kid #LEGO Monkie Kid AU #Spicynoodles #Spicynoodleshipping #Red Son #Long Xiaojiao #Qi Xiaotian #fic #fanfic #fanfiction

[artzychic27]

I said I'd make incorrect quotes for this

Myléne: Of course fair-skinned people have problems.

Sabrina: Yeah, but it's the same way rich people have problems.

Adrien: What?

Sabrina: Oh no, I can't fit all my money in my pockets.

Nino: Heavens, the butler is sick. Who will apply my SPF-162 to my translucent fair skin?

—

Kim: Drake jokes are not light skin jokes.

Adrien: Of course they are. You're saying he's soft because he's light-skinned.

Kim: No, I'm saying he's soft because he pees with his pinky out.

—

Nino:*Voiceover* Another thing Black people don’t like to talk about is the gay people in their family or friend group. Take my friend, Nathaniel. He’s gay… I think. He watches a crap-ton of anime with his friend, Marc, who reads a lot of Yaoi manga, and they share custody of a cat they found, Kitty Lang. So, yeah, he’s definitely gay.

—

Max: White people stole our freedom. You don’t think they’ll come in here and steal my X-box?

—

Marinette: Well if I'm not really black, then could somebody please tell my hair and my ass?

—

Marc: *Leaving a store with Kiran; The store alarm goes off and he sees that he’s holding a bag. Several officers quickly surround him* Oh really?! Oh, I see, it takes you two hours to find a little black boy, and then you're here in two seconds when I accidentally steal a clutch? Well, you know what? I'm keeping it!

—

Alya: This ain't our culture, we're black, not African. Africans don't even like us.

—

Lila: Juleka, if you can handle our class’ issues with complexion, then you can handle anybody else’s.

Juleka: What issues?

Marinette: *Voiceover* If you’re wondering why this feels like an accident about to happen, it’s because colorism is something Black families really don’t like to talk about. And in this classroom? We’re family.

Lila: I just meant you’ll get used to it. You know, since we’re all a little colorist. I mean, especially Marinette.

Marinette: The hell you saying?

Lila: Oh. My bad, did you wanna be the one to break it to her?

—

Marc: Adrien, who has been doing your hair?

Adrien: Oh, my stylists.

Nino: White stylists hired by white daddy.

Juleka: Ah. What shampoo do you use?

Adrien: I use Tom's of Maine.

Kim: Like the state?

Adrien: No, like the toothpaste. They make a six-in-one, so it's soap, shampoo, a laundry detergent-

Marc: Okay, okay. What are we gonna do with his hair? I mean, are we twisting it? Braiding it?

Adrien: Well, I like braids like yours', but, I don't think I have enough hair.

Marc: *Pulls out some synthetic hair* Oh, don't worry about that, we've got plenty.

Adrien: Oh! Oh, no, I don't want somebody else's hair.

Juleka: What the hell do you think I have?

Adrien: So, your hair is a liar?

Juleka: Oh, I'mma hit him for real this time.

—

Gabriel: It is a six-in-one!

Adrien: But it doesn't work on black hair!

Nino: Straight facts.

Alya: Fucking right!

Marinette: That's tea, bitch.

—

Marc: I refuse to soften my tone or remove slang from my vocabulary just to be compatible with a system created on stolen land and slave labor!

Luka: Ooh, yeah. Speak on it.

Marc: I’m gonna talk how I talk, like Ryan Coogler. He’ll be on The View sound Black as fuck. Even Whoopi be confused.

Chloé: Oh, please! You think Ryan Coogler sounds the same as a cookout in East Oakland as he does in a boardroom at Disney?

Rose: You know who doesn’t code switch? Eeyore. He’s always sad.

Luka: Oh, that’s true. That donkey suffers.

Adrien: What about Jay-Z?

Marc: What about HOV?

Adrien: You’re celebrating him, and he’s the ultimate code-switcher!

Marc: Look, whatever, code-switching is corny as shit.

Adrien: I’m not corny! I’m super popular at parties and red carpet events!

Marc: Let’s dissect this, though! Why do they like you? Because you’re the light-skinned black guy white directors wanna cast in all sorts of movies as the lead so they can say, “See? We’re diverse!” You hoop? You know how to do the latest viral dance?! You do the “whoa” for them?!

—

Ivan: It’s about putting to rest some very ugly stereotypes… So no watermelon.

—

Adrien: He says you’re never supposed to say that word.

Nino: Gabriel can’t say it, ‘cause he’s of the Caucasian persuasion. But you can.

Adrien: Oh, no, no. I don’t- I definitely cannot.

Alya: Yes, you can.

Adrien: I promise you, it is not okay for me to say that word.

—

Nathaniel: Adrien, your dad is shitty as fuck. And worst of all, he’s been depriving you of your own culture.

Adrien: He has?

Juleka: Yes, have you ever had your hair braided?

Adrien: No.

Alix: Forced to watch a bootleg of a Tyler Perry play?

Adrien: I don’t know.

Rose: Do you prefer pumpkin pie, or sweet potato pie?

Adrien: What’s the difference?

Rose: I’m gonna slap him in the face.

Nathaniel: Your dad has not let you be Black.

Adrien: What?!

—

Marc: So, you’re mad at Louis because you think he thinks you can’t swim? Which you can’t.

Alix: You can’t swim?!

Nathaniel: Well, I-

Rose: Hold up. So, when we’re swimming, and you’re just dangling your feet, reading a book, supposedly life guarding us… Is that for show?

Kim: Yeah. He’s basically just there to witness your drowning.

—

Akuma Class: *Watching the news with their fingers crossed*

Nadja: The shooter has been described as a six foot tall…

Nino: Don’t be black, don’t be black, don’t be black!

Marinette: Come on…

Nadja: White male.

Akuma Class: *Cheering*

Kim: Hell yeah!

Marc: *Walks into the room* Eight people died.

Marinette: Oh…

Ivan: Yeah, that happened.

Sabrina: Right… But we didn’t do it!

Akuma Class: *Continue cheering*

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous #black characters #mlb au #they all black #that’s the au #kinda wanna give them all black-sounding names now

[theangelwithawand]

Good Omens Incorrect Quotes Part 1

Yeah, I found the incorrect quotes generator so…

I know some of these have been done but…

Crowley: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.

Aziraphale: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.

Crowley: I said within reason, Aziraphale. How about I murder that guy?

Aziraphale: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?

Crowley: Well, duh. What kind of question is that

*

Aziraphale: I have feelings for you.

Crowley: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

*

Crowley: Aziraphale, you love me, right?

Aziraphale: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

*

Crowley: Relationships should be 50/50. Aziraphale cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

*

Crowley: My hands are cold.

Aziraphale: Here, let me hold them.

Crowley: My lips are cold too.

Aziraphale: *covers Crowley's mouth with their hand*

*

Aziraphale: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.

Crowley: That's great, Aziraphale. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6000 f***ing years.

*

Aziraphale: Are you sure Crowley's even gay? They barely even looked at me.

*

Crowley, sweating: Aziraphale, there’s something I need to ask you-

Aziraphale: Finally! You’re proposing!

Crowley: How’d you know?

Aziraphale: Crowley, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

Aziraphale: I even picked it up once.

*

Aziraphale: You have to apologize to them Crowley.

Crowley: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

*

Crowley: I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness—

Aziraphale: Hi.

Crowley: *melts down in a flustered heap of softness*

*

Aziraphale, to Crowley: We had a date!

Aziraphale: *aggressively points to Hello Kitty Coloring Book*

*

Aziraphale: Are we fighting or flirting?

Crowley: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-

Aziraphale: Your point?

*

Aziraphale: Is something burning?

Crowley, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.

Aziraphale: Crowley, the toaster is literally on fire.

#good omens #good omens incorrect quotes #crowley loves aziraphale #aziraphale loves crowley #aziraphale and crowley #crowley x arizaphale #aziracrow #azicrow #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable idiots #ineffable husbands

[amageish]

People seemed to like my post chronicling the queer history of Felicia Hardy, so I'm going to do something similar to that... Let's chat about the queer history of Marvel's unwitting power couple, Ellie Phimister and her girlfriend Yuki Ohara.

Let's dive in!

Content Warning: This summary will include discussion of anti-mutant hate crimes and genocide, as that is part of Ellie's comic book story.

Like a lot of queer X-Men stories, this one begins with queercoding in the 80s.

While Jim Shooter famously prohibited any queer storytelling in Marvel Comics during his tenure as Editor-in-Chief of the company and, on top of that, the Comics Code Authority also banned it, Chris Claremont, the architect of the X-Men as we know them today, never really followed those rules - and neither did his editors, artists, and co-writers. There are so many queer-coded relationships throughout his runs on the X-Men and the modern X-Men stories are still playing catch-up to this day, canonizing the intentions of him and his collaborators one character at a time. Mystique and Destiny are probably his most famous pairing nowadays, as that is canon now, but he also wrote the Juggernaut as being with Black Tom Cassidy, Kate Pryde as being bisexual for most women she encounters in her life, and, the topic for today, Storm being in a romantic relationship with the Japanese assassin Yukio.

Yukio is, to put it mildly, a risk-taker. She runs through life with seemingly no self-preservation instincts whatsoever and, for some reason, always gets by nonetheless. She and Storm have a fling while Storm is in Japan (Uncanny X-Men 172-173) and this leads directly into Storm's famous punk era, which certainly does recontextualize some of the vibes of her having suddenly gotten a mohawk and a taste for leather.

Their later reunion in Uncanny X-Men 311-313 is extra funny to me - both because of the narration textually referring to them as "more then friends" and because of Yukio justifying her daredevil attitude by suggesting it would have been "politically incorrect" of the villain to have attacked them in public.

These two "kindred spirits" hang out for a bit, but Yukio is ultimately a Wolverine character and not a larger X-Men team member, so they naturally split off as time goes on. Their last appearance together was during the 2014 Death of Wolverine event - though their affair was mentioned by an angry Kitty during the Storm flashback mini earlier this year.

That said, Yukio is obviously a Sapphic and I guess when the team behind the movie Deadpool 2 decided to give their version of Negasonic Teenage Warhead a girlfriend, they looked at the list of queer-coded characters and decided she was the right one for them...

Now, as for Ellie...

Eloise Phimister AKA Negasonic Teenage Warhead debuted in Grant Morrison's New X-Men, but her name was not said on-panel until after she was already dead. She was one of Emma Frost's students, a gothic woman with telepathic powers that foretold the death of her and her classmates at Genosha... and yet she died nonetheless.

This is a very tragic character. She has a silly name, but that is part of the heartbreak of this moment. Ellie is a child who died as a result of a genocidal desire to kill all mutants. Her silly name emphasizes her youth... which makes it REALLY tonally dissonant when it played for comedy from here-on-out.

She was briefly brought back by the camp gay villain Selene when she revived horrific versions of many deceased mutants as part of X-Force... and then she was revived for real with a new design fter the release of the first Deadpool movie. She maintains her precognitive abilities and future-sight here, but otherwise... Well, she's now a comedy character in a Deadpool book. She also can warp reality now, partially as an explanation for why she looks/acts different then her first appearances.

She paled around with Deadpool for a bit, but didn't do anything explicitly queer in the comics until 2022 (good god) where she kissed an unnamed woman, causing Wolverine to wonder if she'll one day lead a X-Men team that is exclusively made up of her multiple girlfriends. This comment is also a subtle not to the implied status quo of the Krakoa era, where Wolverine himself has two partners - dating both Jean Grey and Scott Summers.

This is a funny moment, though I do wonder why it took so long for her to be queer in the comics - Marvel comic books are generally the most queer media Marvel puts out, so I do wonder if it was something specifically about her being a Deadpool character that caused people to hesitate to greenlight queer stories about her.

Finally, in 2023, Ellie got her first solo series in the form of an Infinity Comic.

This series uses the increasingly-popular approach of having "fate" be a stand-in for "the concept of being a loyal adaptation in a multimedia landscape," as she is fated to kiss a girl named Yuki Ohara or else the fabric of reality as we know it will be destroyed.

While Deadpool is only in it for a bit, it is a very meta narrative, with a lot of commentary on the way that female characters are written in comics in general and female reality-warpers specifically, with Ellie having a lot of anxiety about the risk of her becoming like Jean Grey or Scarlet Witch - not helped by the TVA chasing her down and declaring her a threat. However, in the end, she meets her girlfriend-to-be and pauses time itself to get know her properly before having their universe-saving kiss. Good for them!

Since then, she has appeared exactly once - in a Pride issue fashion show - but I imagine she and her girlfriend Yuki are just in a little reality-warp bubble, hidden away as Fall of X finishes up.

Synergy is a dirty word in the comics landscape, but I personally like Ellie and her romance with Yuki - and I'm very relieved that they introduced a new, younger Yuki O. based on the movie for her to date instead of just retconning the established Yukio into becoming Eloise's girlfriend... Storm doesn't deserve to have her girl stolen away like that!

Also, Yuki has a giant mech and electricity powers. Maybe a little cliche for a Japanese character's powerset, but it is badass...

I hope we see more comic book stuff with these two eventually... There is potential there that is as of yet untapped - especially as they are probably two of Marvel's most notable queers by virtue of being in wildly popular movies, even if their comic queerness is a relatively modern thing.

#negasonic teenage warhead #negasonic x yukio #yukio #yuki ohara #storm #storm x yukio