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blackbirdnessie · 10 days

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Misako, watching Wu and lord Garmadon fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt?

Lloyd, not bothered by the chaos: It’s fine. They’re too evenly matched to hurt each other.

Misako: Then... who’s the strongest out of you three?

Wu: Lloyd .

Lord Garmadon: Lloyd .

Lloyd : Me.

_______________________________

Misako: We need to distract you're father and uncle.

Lloyd: Leave it to me.

Lloyd: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

Wu & Sensei Garmadon: *immediately begin arguing*

____________________________________

Lloyd, teaching Misako to drive the ninja's faster vehicles: Okay, you're driving and Dad and Uncle Wu walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?

Misako: Oh, definitely Wu. I could never hurt you're father.

Lloyd, massaging his temples: The brakes, Mom. You hit the brakes.

____________________________________

Lloyd, holding a Wii mote with a knife attached: Are Wii gonna have a problem?

Emperor Garmadon, bringing out their switch remote with a blade: You best switch up that attitude.

-An hour later...-

Wu, in the ambulance: Wii-U! Wii-U! Wii-U!

Misako: I worry for this insane family.

____________________________________

Wu: How did none of you hear what I just said?!

Lloyd: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Misako: I got distracted halfway through.

Lord Garmadon : Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

____________________________________

Lloyd: I fell down the stairs today...

Wu: I hope you're okay.

Emperor Garmadon: Stop falling down the stairs.

Misako: How'd the ground taste?

____________________________________

Wu: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??

Lloyd: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

Sensei Garmadon: Why were you microwaving a lemon???

Lloyd: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.

Misako: Did you burn an orange too? How???

Lloyd: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

____________________________________

Lloyd : *Gasp*

Wu: wHAT??

Lloyd: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?

Wu: *inhales*

Garmadon, in another room with Misako: Why can I hear screeching?

____________________________________

Sensei Garmadon: Who wants to go out of the country on a road trip?

Lloyd: Yea, I could drink legally!

Misako: I can do more research!

Wu: I could hide from the consequences of my actions.

____________________________________

Evil Wu Au

Misako: So Wu was just using me?

Garmadon: I’m sorry, Misako.

Lloyd, trying to contain his amusement: You must feel pretty stupid right now.

Misako:

Garmadon: Ok, that’s a time-out.

Lloyd: No, I was just trying to-

Garmadon: Go sit over there!

Lloyd: *walks away in defeat*

____________________________________

Sensei Garmadon: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.

Wu, Misako, & Lloyd: Okay.

Garmadon: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.

Misako: Bold of you to assume I have money.

Lloyd: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.

Wu: Bold of you to assume I can die.

#ninjago lloyd #ninjago #ninjago incorrect quotes #ninjago sensei garmadon #ninjago lord garmadon

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blackbirdnessie · 3 months

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TW suggestive content

#lmk sun wukong #shadowpeach #lmk macaque #lmk mk #I have no idea if the trigger warning tag was even necessary but I didn't want to leave anything up the risk

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blackbirdnessie · 3 months

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Ninjago incorrect quotes Garmadad

Lloyd: What are you doing here?

Emperor Garmadon: I could ask you the same question.

Lloyd: I live here. This is my house.

Emperor Garmadon: I should probably ask you a different question.

Lord Garmadon: I’m going to hell.

Lloyd: Probably.

Lord Garmadon: I'll pick you up?

Lloyd: *nodding* Carpool.

Computer: Please enter a password.

Sensei Garmadon: *types in Lloyd*

Computer: Your password is too weak.

Sensei Garmadon: How fucking DARE YOU-

Emperor Garmadon: Quick! You must come with me! Your in great danger!

Lloyd: Why?!

Emperor Garmadon: Because I’ll kill you if you don’t.

Lil Lloyd: Help! I’m drowning!

Lord Garmadon: Calm down. We’re only in six feet of water!

Lil Lloyd: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!

Lil Lloyd: But that’s censorship.

Lord Garmadon: Well done. You are correct. You’re being censored. Now go.

Sensei Garmadon: Just be yourself. Say something nice.

Lloyd: Which one? I can't do both.

Emporer Garmadon: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this.

Lloyd: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!

Lil Lloyd: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed of the souls of the living I strike fear into-

Lord Garmadon: You sleep with a teddybear.

Lil Lloyd: He’s my sECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS!

Lord Garmadon: I love cooking breakfast. It makes the whole house smell like bacon.

Lil Lloyd: That’s true, but it also smells like fire and panic.

Lord Garmadon: You and the smoke detector need to get off my case.

Lloyd in season 4: *About to do something incredibly stupid*

Sensei Garmadon: I know I can't stop you, but I won't let you go by yourself.

Lil Lloyd: Hand me the people opener.

Lord Garmadon: ...

Lord Garmadon: Pardon?

Lil Lloyd, annoyed: The g! Just hand it to me!

Lord Garmadon, stressed: WHAT THE FUCK IS A PEOPLE OPENER?

Lil Lloyd: How do you not know what a people opener is? Its pointy- you know? With a handle?

Lord Garmadon: Knife. It's called a knife.

*Lord Garmadon raised Lloyd Au*

Lil Lloyd: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like ‘look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I’m losing.’

Lord Garmadon: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.

Lloyd: *Kicks the door open, looking panicked*

Lord Garmadon: What did you do?!

Lloyd: NOBODY DIED!

Lord Garmadon: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Lloyd: I think it's time to start fucking some shit up.

Garmadon: Oh no.

Lloyd: More like "oh yes!"

Lloyd: Might I make a suggestion you possibly won’t like?

Sensei Garmadon: Do you make any other kind?

Season 3 Garmadon: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated!

Season 11 Lloyd: Killed without hesitation.

Emperor Garmadon: If we lose, you'll go back to not being my son.

Lloyd: I was your son again?

Movie Garmadon: *dangling from a rope over a pit of fire* Remember when I said I’d tell you when we’re in too deep?

Movie Lloyd: Yes?

Movie Garmadon: We’re in too deep.

Sensei Garmadon: How has life been treating you lately?

Movie Lloyd: Horribly.

Movie Garmadon: What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

Show Lloyd: If you say "addict-ionary" I swear I will cut you.

Movie Garmadon: I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer's much better.

Movie and show Lloyd: ...

*movieverse At the police station*

Movie Lloyd: Hi, I’m here for Lord Garmadon.

Police officer: Who’s Garmadon?

movie Lloyd: Ah, you must be new.

Sensei Garmadon: How are you today?

Oni Lloyd: Please don’t make me think about my life.

#ninjago lloyd #ninjago #ninjago sensei garmadon #ninjago lord garmadon #garmadad #Ninjago Emporer Garmadon #lego ninjago movie #oni lloyd

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blackbirdnessie · 3 months

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More Ninjago incorrect quotes Garmadon Family edition

*Lloyd texting Sensei Garmadon*

Lloyd: Come downstairs and talk to me please. I'm lonely.

Garmadon: Isn't you're mom there?

Lloyd: Yes but I like you more.

Young Misako : You get turned back into a baby but you retain all your skills and memory, what do you do?

Young Garmadon: Eat a nickel.

Young Misako : A reminder: You have retained all your skills and memories.

Young Wu: Eat a nickel.

Young Misako : Ok.

Lloyd: Okay, who's turn is it to give the pep talk?

Sensei Garmadon: It's Misako 's turn.

Misako : Don't die.

Sensei Garmadon, wiping a tear away: Truly inspirational.

Lloyd: what do you see in this woman???

Young Garmadon: Protip is you do not feel good about yourself after eating tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce.

Young Misako: What's wrong with you??

Young Garmadon: I literally JUST said I ate tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce?? Pay attention.

Young Wu: No, they mean other than that.

Young Garmadon: Ohhhhhh.

Young Garmadon: I haven't slept in 4 days.

OR like father like son

Lloyd: Protip is you do not feel good about yourself after eating tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce.

Sensei Garmadon: What's wrong with you??

Lloyd: I literally JUST said I ate tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce?? Pay attention.

Misako: No, they mean other than that.

Lloyd: Ohhhhhh.

Lloyd: I haven't slept in 4 days.

Lil Lloyd, texting Lord Garmadon: Dad! Help I'm being kidnapped!

Lord Garmadon: Where are you?

Lil Lloyd: I'm with some strange person. In a car. Help.

Lord Garmadon: I'll call Wu.

Wu, answering their cell: hello brother?

Lord Garmadon: Where's Lloyd? He texted me that he's were being kidnapped.

Wu: Whaddya mean, he's right next to me-

Wu:

Wu: I'll call you back. *Hangs up*

Wu: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN'T THAT BAD!

Lil Lloyd: WHO ARE YOU!?

Lloyd: I have a bad feeling about this...

Emperor Garmadon: What do you mean?

Lloyd: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?

Emperor Garmadon: No?

Wu: That actually explains so much.

Wu to lil Lloyd: First rule of battle, little one... don’t ever let them know where you are.

Lord Garmadon, shooting out of frame: WHOO-HOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo!

Wu: 'Course, there’re other schools of thought.

Wu: We need a distraction.

Lord Garmadon, turning to the Ninja: one of you go to be good at jumping up and down and making weird noises right?

Lil Lloyd, whispering: My time has come.

Wu: Hold on! I’m having one of those things... a headache with pictures.

Lil Lloyd: What the fuck???

Lord Garmadon: They’re having an idea.

Emperor Garmadon: So... This is my full potential?

Harumi: Yes.

Emperor Garmadon: So, then it's...

Emperor Garmadon: All downhill from here.

Harumi: Like Lloyd.

Emperor Garmadon: I do not know what this Lloyd is. But it sounds disappointing.

Misako, excitedly: Heeyy!!

Sensei Garmadon: Hey, someone's excited.

Lloyd, deadpan: Yeah, and it's making me sick.

Lil Lloyd: *cooking*

Lord Garmadon: *kicks down door*

Lord Garmadon: *grabs knife from Lloyd's hand*

Lord Garmadon: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR?

Lil Lloyd:

Lil Lloyd: What???

Wu: he doesn't trust you with sharp objects because he's scared going to turn evil like him.

Lloyd, to Sensei Garmadon: You know, Mom can be really passive aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching.

Lloyd: *blows airhorn at Misako* GET FUCKED!

Young Garmadon: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Young Wu, used to Garmadon being dumb: Sure...

Young Garmadon: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Young Wu: Okay?

Young Garmadon: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Young Wu:

Young Garmadon: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Young Wu: Jesus, that one is a little-

Young Misako, interested: No, no, Garmadon, keep going.

Misako: Want to hear a hard riddle?

Garmadon: Sure.

Misako: A rooster laid an egg on a roof. Which way did it roll?

Garmadon: ...down?

Misako: N-

Lloyd: Who cares about which way it rolled, it would be scrambled eggs by then.

Misako:

Misako: No, it's that roosters don't lay eggs... In the name of the first spinjitzu Master...

Wu: So, what's it like living with Lloyd?

Sensei Garmadon: he once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."

Wu: ...

Sensei Garmadon: I love my son so much.

Lloyd: So what, now I’m just supposed to do everything that Wu does? What if they jump off a cliff?

Sensei Garmadon: If Wu were to jump off a cliff, they would have done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry. So yes, if you see Wu jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Lloyd: You jump off a cliff.

Sensei Garmadon: Gladly, provided Wu did first.

Garmadon: I bet you’re wondering why I gathered you here today. It’s because we need to have a discussion about how some people in this room aren’t getting along with other people in this room.

Lloyd: Why did you say that so vaguely? Mom and I are literally the only people you called in here.

Lloyd, texting group chat: What flavour of ice cream do you guys want? I’m at the store so be quick!

Garmadon: Moose Tracks is good!

Misako: What the fuck is that!?

Garmadon: *Gasp* How dare you insult moo-

Misako: No. No no not that. What the hell. Why do you spell flavor like flavour. It’s like you have flavor but then this guy shows up and is like “Oui Oui Would you like chocolate flaVOUR or vanilla flaVOUR.

Lloyd and Garmadon: what?

Misako: I don’t get it why add the EXTRA u when it’s PERFECTLY FINE AS IT IS!?

Lloyd: You done now?

Misako: Yeah ok.

Lloyd and Garmadon: ...

Misako: ...Can I have the Mint Chocolate chip flavour?

Garmadon: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat!

Lloyd: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Misako, go find out if that thing can catch fire!

Garmadon: You're a bad influence.

Lloyd: And you don't know your sayings.

Lloyd: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Misoko: Wasn’t you're dad with you?

Sensei Garmadon: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Wu: Say no to drugs.

Emporer Garmadon: Say yes to drugs.

Lloyd: It doesn't matter if you say yes or no to drugs. If you're talking to drugs.. then you're on drugs.

Emperor Garmadon: All I did was kill Lloyd, is that really such a crime?

Misako:

Misako: Yes?!

Misako: HELP! I TOLD LLOYD I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK!

Wu, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Sensei Garmadon: If I were a drink, I'd be Cherry Vanilla Coke. If you were a drink, what would you be?

Lloyd: Bleach.

Wu: Sewage.

Sensei Garmadon: ...Please calm down, edgelords.

#ninjago lloyd #ninjago #ninjago lord garmadon #ninjago sensei wu #ninjago sensei garmadon #ninjago misako #ninjago incorrect quotes

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blackbirdnessie · 3 months

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Ninjago incorrect quotes I'm having too much fun

Nya: Alright, who’s hogging the Netflix account? I’ve been locked out all week!

Lloyd: Sucks to suck! I’m already on the 8th season of Friends!

Kai: Not me.

Nya: Don’t lie. I know it’s not Jay or Zane.

Kai: It’s not me, really!

Nya: …

Kai: …But it might be Ronin…

Nya: You gave Ronin access to our Netflix account!?!?

Kai: he wanted to watch Orange is the New Black!

Nya: I’m going to kill you.

*The team at Home Depot*

Nya: *pushed in the cacti display while wandering around the garden section*

Jay: *Shitting in the display toilets*

Kai: *Tokyo Drifting one of those flatbed carts down the aisles*

Lloyd: *Stealing paint chips for aesthetic purposes*

Zane: *Just wanted some goddamn lightbulbs and everyone ruined it*

Cole: *In the car sleeping*

*The team is asked what they would do with 5 children with only 3 chairs.*

Cole: Get two more chairs!

Nya: They can get their own chairs.

Jay: Make them fight for it.

Zane: You only need one chair to beat them all with.

Lloyd: I would never be near children.

Kai: Kill two.

Zane: A mouse!

Kai, pulling out a knife: Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you.

Nya, pulling out a frying pan: It'll make a nice meal!

Lloyd, giving the mouse cheese: You deserve a treat, little guy.

Cole, gasping: It's Ratatouille!

Jay: His name is Remi, dummy.

Zane: ...I was going to say to just trap it and throw it out the window... what is wrong with you people.

Lloyd: So, did everyone learn their lesson?

Jay: No.

Kai: I did not.

Cole: I may have actually forgotten one.

Nya: Also no.

Lloyd: Oh good, neither did I.

Zane: *Exhausted sigh*

Zane: We’re kind of missing something guys.

Kai: Cohesion?

Lloyd: Teamwork?

Nya: A general sense of what we’re doing?

Cole: And Jay is not here.

Kai: Oh, and that, yeah.

Zane: Stressed.

Cole: Depressed.

Lloyd: Possessed.

Nya: Obsessed.

Jay: Impressed.

Kai: Chicken breast.

Everyone: ...What?

Kai: I just wanted to join in.

Zane: You know, when Nya comes over, Jay can get a little…

Cole: Psycho?

Kai: Scary?

Lloyd: Drunk?

Zane: All three.

Before Lloyd joins the team

Jay: The floor is lava!

Cole: *helps Zane onto the counter*

Nya: *kicks Kai off the sofa*

Kai: *lays on the floor*

Jay: ...Are you okay?

Kai: No.

Jay: What's worse than a heartbreak?

Nya: Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging.

Lloyd: Waking up in the morning.

Cole: Waking up.

Kai: Waking up in the morning...

Kai: And seeing Zane.

Zane: Hey! Rude!!

Squad reactions to being called straight:

Kai: The fuck, no I'm not.

Nya: Excuse the hell out of you?

Zane: Ding dong, you are wrong!

Lloyd: Who told you that? And why did they lie?

Jay: Rude.

Cole: *punches the person*

Jay: *standing at the top of the stairs* What are y'all doing at the bottom of the staircase?

Zane: I accidentally fell down.

Cole: KAI PUSHED ME down the stairs because I refuse to pay THEIR part of our rent!

Nya: Zane bet me fifty bucks that I couldn't reach the bottom of the stairs faster than they did falling down it, so I slide down the banister to get my money.

Lloyd: I don't know how I got here. One moment, I was sleeping in my bed, three floors up, and then suddenly I was waking up here, just in time to get crushed by Nya.

*The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one*

Nya: I will not let you down.

Zane: Sounds fun.

Cole: K.

Kai: No, I'm fucking not.

Jay: Do I have to be?

Lloyd: Please god, I am so tired.

*the team at mega monster amusement park, in the teacups*

Jay, Cole, and Zane: *spinning a little and talking*

Nya, Lloyd, and Kai: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

Cole: If you got arrested what would be the charges?

Kai: Theft.

Nya: Disturbing the peace.

Jay: Aggravated assault.

Zane: Arson.

Lloyd: All of the above. In that order, probably.

Nya: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life.

Zane: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back...

Cole: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.

Lloyd: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years.

Kai: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.

Jay: Mental stability, my old friend!

Nya: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

Cole to Jay, who’s about to get married to Nya: Today, two families are becoming one.

Zane, in an ominous voice: Two families enter, one family leaves.

Kai: That sounds so threatening…

Nya: The Wedding Games…

Lloyd: May the bouquet toss be ever in your favor.

Jay: Beautiful.

Cole: Fuck all of you!

Lloyd: *dies*

Cole: Timer starts now! When are they coming back? I say two months!

Zane: Bullshit. One month.

Nya: Nah, half a month.

Jay, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? LLOYD JUST DIED!

Kai, scratching chin in thought: One week.

Nya: I’m the smartest person in my friend group.

Kid Lloyd: You hang out with Kai, Cole, Zane, and Jay.

Kid Lloyd: It’s not as high a compliment as you think.

Zane: Throw lamps at people who need to lighten up, and throw handles at someone who needs to get a grip!

Jay: Throw a refrigerator at someone who needs to chill!

Cole: Throw scissors at someone who needs to cut it out!

Kai: Throw a clock at someone who needs to get with the times!

Nya: Throw matches at someone who needs to get fired up!

Lloyd: Throw a brick at someone to kill them.

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Nya: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

Lloyd: ...I did. I broke it.

Nya: No. No you didn't. Kai?

Kai: Don't look at me. Look at Zane.

Zane: What?! I didn't break it.

Kai: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Zane: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Kai: Suspicious.

Zane: No, it's not!

Cole: If it matters, probably not, but Jay was the last one to use it.

Jay: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Cole: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Jay: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Cole!

Lloyd: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Nya.

Nya: No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

Cole: Nya... Kai's been awfully quiet.

Kai: rEALLY?!

*Everyone starts arguing*

Nya, talking to Sensei Wu and Sensei Garmadon: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.

Nya: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Nya:

Nya: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

*the team in the bad timeline*

Cole: So what have you been up to recently?

Nya: Leading a revolution with Zane.

Cole: Good for you two! Me, I've joined the mob.

Nya: *nods* Oh, how cool! That's awesome!

Cole: I know! Anyway, have you heard from the others? Jay?

Nya: Happily living as a hermit in the woods. Lloyd?

Cole: Wrongfully locked up in an asylum, which reminds me, we need to break them out later. Kai?

Nya: Cult leader.

Cole: Yeah, that sounds about right.

Zane: Doctor = $140,000 a year, Furry artist on patreon = $160,000 a year.

Lloyd: I think you’re lowballing the furry art amount tbh.

Zane: Sorry for the inaccuracies Doctor Yiff.

Lloyd: No matter how I respond I don’t look well, well played. I walked into that.

Nya: Well, furry artists are typically more competent and courteous than your average doctor, so I can see that.

Zane: Did you legitimately just tell me that a person who draws wolf ass is more competent than a dude who spent 8+ years in an university to give you a lung transplant?

Jay: Doctors are bullshit and furry artists perform an infinitely more valuable service to society compared to them.

Zane: You will die in 7 days.

Kai: It took doctors 10 years to diagnose what was wrong with me, some insisting I was faking it for attention while a furry artist I knew said “Sounds like Crohn’s” after hearing me complain once and ended up being right.

Kai: Besides I can’t go to a doctor and ask them to draw Rouge the Bat wider than she is tall with tits to match, now can I?

Jay: You could if you weren’t a fucking coward.

Cole: This was like 50 consecutive punches to the face, what the fuck went on here.

Jay: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier.

Jay: Violently practices.

Zane: Violently studies.

Nya: Violently sleeps.

Kai: Violently shoots pictures.

Cole: Violently boxes.

Lloyd: Violently murders people.

Nya: Violently worries about the previous statement.

#ninjago lloyd #ninjago #ninjago kai #ninjago nya #ninjago cole #ninjago jay #ninjago zane #ninjago ronin #ninjago incorrect quotes

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blackbirdnessie · 3 months

Text

Shadowpeach incorrect quotes

Sun Wukong: *Holding up a pack of pencils* These are kinda cute.

Macaque : Sun Wukong, that’s gay.

Sun Wukong: We’ve been dating for 2 years—

Sun Wukong : Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

Macaque: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I’ve obviously not the real me.

Macaque : As top in this relationship, I think we should-

Sun Wukong: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

Brotherhood era Macaque : We should get you to a healer for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

Sun Wukong: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Macaque : But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Sun Wukong: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Macaque : Is it working?

Sun Wukong: Go fuck yourself.

Macaque, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch

Sun Wukong: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Macaque : This is a lie.

Macaque : I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.

Macaque : THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

Macaque : Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Sun Wukong: AS ENEMIES again?!

Macaque :

Sun Wukong: What are you in the mood for?

Macaque : World domination.

Sun Wukong: That's a bit ambitious.

Macaque : You are my world.

Sun Wukong: Aww...

Macaque :

Sun Wukong:

Macaque :

Sun Wukong: OH.

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: I feel like doing something stupid.

Brotherhood era Macaque : I’m stupid, do me.

Peng in the background: *wheeze*

Sun Wukong: Listen, we’re done, we’re over! Okay?

Macaque : Whatever bitch, you ain’t never gonna find no one like me.

Sun Wukong: Yeah, that's the point shithead!

Macaque : This date is boring!

Sun Wukong: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

Macaque : Then why did you invite me?

Mk, who's only homophobic when it comes to Shadowpeach: he didnt, he specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Sun Wukong I'll do whatever I want!"

Macaque, to Sun Wukong : We had a date!

Sun Wukong: *aggressively points to Bai he and the Hello Kitty Coloring Book*

Sun Wukong: Did it hurt when you fell-

Macaque : From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt-

Sun Wukong: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.

Macaque : ...

Sun Wukong: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

Macaque to Mk : Sun Wukong is playing hard to get.

Macaque : Little do he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Sun Wukong: I have feelings for Macaque.

MK : Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Sun Wukong: Look, last night was a mistake.

Macaque : A sexy mistake.

Sun Wukong: No, just a regular mistake.

Macaque : There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?

Sun Wukong: Nope, there's 26.

Macaque : Ah, I must have forgotten U, R, A, Q, T.

Sun Wukong: Aww, that's cute, but you're still missing one.

Macaque : You'll get the D later ;).

MK in the distance : Ugh!!!!

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: Macaque and I are no longer dating.

Brotherhood era Macaque : peaches, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re Mated.

Sun Wukong: Fight me!

Macaque : *gets on one knee and pulls out a ring*

Macaque : Fight me for the rest of our lives.

Sun Wukong: Macaque , you do remember when we agreed we were better off as friends, right?

Macaque , naked in Sun Wukong's bed: No, I absolutely do not.

Sun Wukong, already taking off their clothes: Fuck... Me neither.

Sun Wukong: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.

Macaque : Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.

Sun Wukong: ...

Sun Wukong: You mean ring bearER, right?

Macaque : ...

Sun Wukong: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

Sun Wukong: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.

Macaque : I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.

Sun Wukong: I said within reason, Macaque . How about I murder that guy?

Macaque : So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?

Sun Wukong: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

Brotherhood era Macaque, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often?

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong, confused: I mean, this is my mountain, so yeah.

Macaque : Sun Wukong, you love me, right?

Sun Wukong: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

Possessed Wukong: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!

Macaque : In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?

Possessed Wukong: I don't know, surprise me!

Macaque : You look good in that hoodie.

Sun Wukong: You know where else I'd look good?

Macaque , zero hesitation: My bed.

Sun Wukong, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

Sun Wukong: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.

Macaque : Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Sun Wukong: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid.

Macaque : You always act stupid.

Macaque :

Macaque : Wait...

Sun Wukong: Wow, Macaque , you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Macaque : We literally slept together yesterday.

Sun Wukong: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

Brotherhood era Macaque : We should be partners.

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: You mean like, partners in crime?

Brotherhood era Macaque : Yeah... that’s precisely what I meant.

Sun Wukong: Bro-

Macaque : No, no, hold up, rewind.

Macaque : My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

Macaque : Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Sun Wukong: Okay.

Macaque who, has never seen sharkboy and lavagirl : And make out during the scary parts.

Sun Wukong: Th-

Sun Wukong: The scary parts.

Sun Wukong: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Mei : Do you want to explain the text you sent Monkey King last night?

Macaque : It was autocorrect.

Mk: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me." To Monkey King?

Macaque : Yes.

Sun Wukong: Okay, but if your not gay then why are you always holding my hand and kissing me and telling me I’m your boyfriend?

Macaque : Dude- Its satire!

Sun Wukong: THAT'S NOT WHAT SATIRE MEANS!

Macaque walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Sun Wukong, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.

Sun Wukong, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

#lmk macaque #lmk sun wukong #shadowpeach #incorrect quotes #lmk incorrect quotes

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