#If you don’t know that this is about a Taylor Swift song titled happiness

[silencesscreams]

"is there any chance i can fix this?" where james and reader are best friends since birth but he begins to pull away and spend less time with her in favor of the boys, so she just cuts him out of her life and after a while he doesn't know how to deal with it anymore. hiiiii

sad beautiful tragic

james potter x fem reader (angst)

a/n: sorry about any grammar mistakes, english isn’t my first language (also i’m pretty bad at writing angst but i tried my best) also immediately thought of the title because of the taylor swift song, so hope you don’t mind the association. also the first kiss part came to my mind because of a tiktok i saw a few weeks ago but i don’t really remember who’s it was to credit them

warnings: friendship distancing, kissing, fighting, cursing, a bit short (sorry), happy ending

“i’m sorry, okay? i’m so sorry, honey, please. is there any chance i can fix this? just tell me, please”

you knew james potter and he knew you. knowing meaning comprehending each other, meaning that you stood by each others side for as long as you can remember.

he was your first friend. he was your neighbor and you both grew up together, it was expected that you both would know each other better than anyone.

sure, it felt different when you both started hogwarts and suddenly he had new friends, but so did you. you spent the time you could together, always saving a bit of your days for each other.

during the sixth to seventh year summer vacation, he had spent the whole summer with you, you both would hang out all the time.

until he kissed you.

it was the last day of summer and you both had spent the evening in his room. you were talking about a book you had been reading recently and he listened quietly, like it was the most interesting thing he had ever heard of. until you paused for a brief moment and he moved closer to you. you were sat on the floor with him, the carpet tickling your legs as you played with the fluffy yarn under you.

“honey” he said, you looked at him, doe eyed waiting for him to continue. “a phrase. two words, six letters, two vowels. guess.” he said lowly whilst looking at your lips. your mind went blank.

one vowel for each word. you still didn’t get it.

“what are the vowels?” you whisper back, he smiles.

“i and e” he answers, not taking his eyes from off of you for a second. you knew.

“kiss me?” and so he did. his lips met yours abruptly, his hands grabbed your hips and yours went straight to the back of his neck. it completely changed the way you ever saw him, hell, it completely changed your expectations to a kiss. it was better than anything you’d ever experienced and you loved it.

when you got back to school, it seemed like he didn’t do that, actually, it seemed like he didn’t even talk to you the whole summer.

sure, he did casually say hello in the halls and you might’ve shared one or two conversations, but what the hell? he kisses you like that and expects you to just forget about it? that was the most fucked up thing anyone could’ve done. as the semester went on, your mind was absolutely torturing you over that kiss.

it made you overthink every single thing you ever did around him. but maybe he didn't have time, maybe he was really busy with his studies and quidditch, right? that was probably it.

he saw you every once in a while, said an awkward hi or whatever that thing signaling head thing he did was.

the crush you had developed for him didn’t help at all. it made you crave his presence in your life, even now that you hated him more than you ever thought you possibly could. you missed his pet names for you, ‘honey’ and ‘sweetheart’ sounded so amazing coming out of his mouth.

but from the moment he started to ignore you, you decided he was absolutely done. he was never going to see a smile coming from you ever again, he was never going to get another hello, nothing. james potter didn’t deserve a single thing from you.

your friends agreed. they thought he was a piece of shit and said you should’ve cut him off a long time before.

life went on without him, you barely thought about him. your studies were going well, everything was great.

christmas break came up and when you saw james at the train station, you were pissed. you knew he was going to be there for christmas dinner, he was always invited alongside with his family. you didn’t know how he was going to act then, was he going to pretend it never happened?

when you got home, your mother instantly started asking you what you wanted for dinner and you were glad to be home, you just hated that he was in the house next to yours.

a few nights after you both got home, you were invited for a date by steven, who worked at a bookstore near the city park. you said yes, he took you to see a shitty movie and tried to kiss you after dropping you off at your front porch. you dodged it and gave him a good night kiss on the cheek. james saw it all.

once the date left, you heard him yelling from his porch:

“who’s that?” you ignored him and went inside, sure, you weren’t going to see steven again but james didn’t deserve to know that.

on christmas day you went to the potter’s for dinner, your parents insisted for you to go, even though you tried to fake being sick. sirius was there too, you politely greeted all of them them and didn’t bother to answer james’ “hey”.

when you sad at the side of the living room table james sat next to you, even though that wasn’t his usual seat. you played with your dress awkwardly and ate less, being there was making you so irritated you lost your appetite.

after taking a bite from your desert, you thanked euphemia for the food and told your parents you were feeling a bit sick and that you were heading home, telling them to enjoy the rest of their night.

as you were opening the door to head out, you heard footsteps behind you. you knew james was there and you had no interest to talk with him.

“don’t” you simply stated, stepping out and shutting the door lightly on him, he followed you during the small walk between both your houses.

“hey!” he shouted, trying to get your attention. you were about to shut the door to your house on his face, but he held it with his foot, going into your house.

he pulled you by your wrist but you tugged it away from him.

“don’t touch me!” you shouted at him, staring into his eyes for the first time that night.

“now you can talk to me, huh? ‘the fucks up with you?!” he shouts back, brows furrowed. you couldn’t believe him, what a fucking nerve he had.

“whats up with YOU?!” you step closer to him, throwing your keys on the coffee table in the middle of the living room. “you’ve ignored me for the whole semester and now you wanna talk?” he had never seen you like this. you had never been this angry at anyone or anything around him.

“i’m sorry?” he had no reaction, he knew he was wrong, he just couldn’t deal with it. with anything. he didn’t know what to do after he kissed you, he couldn’t handle any of it. he knew that if he spent more time around you he would fall harder, he couldn’t risk it.

“i’m sorry! now that you don’t have anyone else near for you to talk to i’m worthy of your attention? i’m so lucky, right?!” your eyes started to tear up, but you held it in, he was not getting to see you cry.

“honey, i’m sorry i didn’t talk much with you these past few months, but i tried to speak with you tonight and you didn’t even bother to answer me!” he ran his hand through his hair, looking at you as you sat down on the couch, staring at your hands.

“you didnt even look at me. the entire fucking night. one lousy ‘hey’ is not trying to do anything” he handed you a piece of paper, it was crumpled up in his jeans’ pocket. you knew he was bad with words, but the paper was written front and back. what was he even trying to do? did he think a letter was enough to fix the damage he had done?

“really? you’re a little too late for this, don’t you think?” you said, looking at him angrily.

“fine, don’t read it then. just keep it, okay?” he knew you were about to cry. it was the worst feeling he had ever felt.

“you don’t get to do this to me, james” you hold back tears once you say it.

“i know, honey, i know” he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, cupping your face as you try to not melt because of his touch. he kisses you, but this time you pull away.

“no. don’t do this to me” you say, a single tear streaming down your face, he wipes it off but more tears just keep coming

“im sorry, im so sorry for everything i did and-“ you interrupt him.

“could you just try to listen?!” you shout, pulling away from his touch again. “what makes you think that i want this? after all you did, better, all that you didn’t do?! you kiss me and expect me to forget about it? expect me to be okay with you ignoring me all the time just because you kissed me again? i can’t be okay with any of this unless you actually explain to me what happened. i really try to understand you, but all of this doesn’t help!”

“i love you” he says “i have loved you all my life and i didn’t know, after i kissed you it all hit me and i couldn’t trust myself around you anymore, i didn’t want to hurt you so i pulled away, i just didn’t know it would hurt you more like that. i’m sorry, but im here now and i want to show you how much I do love you” he pauses and sits next to you on the couch.

“i’m sorry, okay? i’m so sorry, honey, please. is there any chance i can fix this? just tell me, please” he wipes the tears from off your face again. you knew he meant it, you just didn’t know how to trust him again.

“i don’t know” you whisper, looking into his eyes, you had never seen him look this sad. you wanted to trust him, you really did, but how could you? how could you know he wasn’t going to pull something like that again?

you couldn’t be sure of anything, you could only hope for the best and be careful. so you gave it a shot.

“come here” you say lowly, pulling him in for a hug. he buried his face in the crook of your neck and gave you small kisses.

“i’m so sorry, baby” he whispered.

“i know” you whisper back, he looks at you and gives you quick kisses all over your face. you can’t help but smile.

it was going to take a while for you to trust him again, but you knew you could.

#james potter x reader #james potter fic #james potter #james potter x y/n #james potter x you #james potter angst #james potter oneshot #james potter imagine #james potter fanfiction #mrsaluado #lila writes #silencesscreams

[slytherheign]

YOU BELONG WITH ME | tasm!peter parker

PAIRING: high school senior!tasm!peter parker x high school senior!fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 3.9k

SUMMARY: you can’t help but feel insecure when you realize your best friend peter and the most famous girl in the school are keeping a sweet secret from you.

WARNINGS: cursing/swearing, awkwardness, jealousy, insecurities, self-loathing, reader is an overthinker and assumes things easily. let me know if i missed any warnings. [⚠︎︎RATING: G]

AUTHOR'S NOTE: inspired by taylor swift’s song with the same title. angst with happy ending. dedicated to @joshiiieeenesx, thanks for supporting me and requesting this. i hope you’re having a great day!

DESTINATION: Sweet Street | GO BACK TO THE STATION. CLICK HERE FOR ALL THINGS YBWM (reviews, commentary, etc. about this fic).

It was Friday Night.

Your favorite day and time of the week because of your tradition with Peter to order pizza and watch a movie. Tonight was a bit different though, you both decided to order your least favorite flavor of pizza and watch the lowest-rated movie ever. 

Peter made a joke in the middle of the movie, causing you to laugh and cover your face with your hands. It was a habit you developed since you were a kid when a bully made fun of you for having an ‘ugly-laughing’ face. “Stop,” he chuckled as he captured your wrists with his hands. “Stop what?” you questioned unknowingly, allowing him to hold your wrists and pull them away from your face. You stared at him confusingly.

“Stop covering your face when you laugh,” he said. “I can’t see your pretty face.” Peter would always make little comments here and there about you, most of them being compliments. You ought not to make it serious since you’d always tell flirty jokes to each other, but you just can’t help but feel a little flutter in your stomach every time he would compliment you.

You tried covering the increasing redness of your cheeks with laughter. “I’m serious. Stop covering your face,” he told you. “What if I told you I’m doing it on purpose?” you thought of a quick funny remark.  “And why, may I ask, are you doing it on purpose?” he quirked an eyebrow. 

“Let’s just say, if you see my beautiful face when I’m laughing, you might just fall in love,” you joked, smirking at him. There was a tinge of the color red in his cheeks, but he was quick to hide it with a chuckle.

“Well, why don’t you let me see your beautiful face then let’s see if I really fall in love?” he remarked. Once again, you laughed because you didn’t know how to respond. Peter was laughing with you when his phone suddenly rang. He quickly stood up, covering the name of the caller with his hand before walking to a private secluded room in his house to answer it. You didn’t mind it. After all, everyone deserved privacy when they’re talking to someone on the phone. Besides, you were actually quite thankful because the phone call interrupted the growing awkwardness in the room. You paused the movie while Peter talked on the phone in the other room.

Minutes passed and you were getting bored of waiting for him. You decided to pull your phone from your jeans pocket and open the Instagram app for a bit. Your feed was pretty much full of your schoolmates that were either busy preparing for prom next friday or busy with the upcoming game on Monday. You scrolled mindlessly, double-tapping each post from your close friends when you stumbled upon a post from her.

Gwen Stacy. Blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect body. The cheer captain, head of the planning committee, the smartest in school… well, not the smartest because that would be Peter… but still the smartest girl in school. Having all that, you’d think she was the type to be the typical mean girl, but no… she’s actually the nicest.

In the picture, she was smiling with the other cheerleaders, their teeth as white as snow and their faces as beautiful as barbie dolls even when they were sweating. Sometimes you just wonder if they ever had a bad hair day or they’re just perfect all the time.

“Please! Gwen, come on!” you heard Peter yell. Gwen? Why was he talking to Gwen Stacy?

“Really? Yes!” you heard him exclaim excitedly. A pang of jealousy hit your chest, the feeling was unwelcome because you knew he wasn’t even yours to begin with. But still, it hurt.

The next thing you heard was his footsteps nearing the door. You collected yourself immediately, greeting him with a smile as he opened the door.

“Sorry about that,” he smiled, with the same fucking smile you fell in love with. He sat next to you on the couch, subtly putting his arm on the back just around where your head was resting. He grabbed the remote from your hand, but for a few seconds, you felt it linger when his hand touched yours.

He pressed the play button and you both continued to watch the movie.

“Okay, just so we’re clear. You think Peter and Gwen are dating?” your other friend, Mary Jane, iterated on the phone. It was Sunday night, the only time MJ had free time this week since she was also a cheerleader.

“Yes,” you answered clearly. “I heard them talking on the phone the other night. Peter seemed really happy and excited.”

“And what do you feel about that?” she asked.

“Uh–I don’t know?” you admitted.

“I call bull. Come on, I know you’re in love with Peter.”

“Okay. I do have feelings for him… but I don’t think he feels the same about me. He probably asked Gwen to be his prom date even though we promised we’d take each other to the event.”

“So you’re not going to prom anymore?”

“I mean I already have a dress so I guess I’ll still go. It just sucks that I’ll be going without him.”

“Since when did you get a dress?!” 

“Uhh… since last week?” 

“And you didn’t even tell me?” she made a sound of absolute shock. Knowing her, you knew she probably had her hand on her chest while making that sound. “I could’ve helped you pick.”

“It’s not a problem honestly. Besides, I kinda wanted it to be a surprise?”

“Can you at least tell me the color?” she pleaded.

“Blue. Like the kind of blue in Spider-Man’s suit.”

“Weird way to describe a color. Is there a specific reason why you chose blue? I thought you never liked blue.”

“Okay, I’ll tell you but don’t tell anyone about this because I think Peter is kinda embarrassed about it… Peter is obsessed with Spider-Man. He’s such a huge fan of his–maybe even his number one fan. He even tried to hide it from me, but when I found a Spider-Man suit in his closet he just started getting really nervous and he only stopped when I told him it’s fine if he’s a fan. I’m not judging him, I think Spider-Man is really cool too,” you explained. “I was hoping he’d notice the color reference but now that he’s going with Gwen Stacy, I doubt he would even look at me.”

“You really think Peter would ignore you? Have you seen how that man looks at you?”

“He looks at everyone like that. It’s nothing special,” you denied.

“Listen, believe what you want to believe but I know Peter is definitely in love with you too. But if you did end up alone and out of place at the event, you’re welcome to sit with me.”

“Thanks, but you literally have a date. I don’t wanna be a third wheel,” you laughed. “I appreciate the thought though,” you exchanged goodbyes not long after that, wishing her good luck on their cheer performance.

You thought hard about what she said. Peter did become more clingy to you these last few months and he always made sure to text or call you every day. You guessed there really was a chance Peter shared the same feelings with you. 

Maybe he was just talking to Gwen as a friend.

You were at the gymnasium where you'd have to watch student-athletes pass the ball to each other, all having the same objective to shoot the ball in their respective goals. And when a member of a team claimed their shot, it would repeat all over again. 

You were never into sports. If you had a choice, you’d rather stay in bed and continue reading Looking For Alaska, but instead, you were stuck sitting on the bleachers while watching cheerleaders dance their routine in such a flawless manner. As much as you wanted to focus on MJ and support her, your eyes couldn’t help but look at Gwen. She really was mesmerizing.

You were too busy comparing her shiny legs and the way they moved with their short flowy skirts with your simple t-shirt and sneakers to even notice someone sitting beside you.

You continued watching Gwen dance, focusing on her pretty face and realizing that even in her sweaty condition she still kept dazzling everyone in the room with her beautiful smile. You noticed her wink in your direction. For a moment you thought she was winking at you, but when you followed the direction she was smiling at you noticed it was directed at someone beside you—Peter. 

Funny. You didn’t even know Peter was beside you.

“Hi?” you greeted, putting your best smile in front of him while your stomach ached from cruel jealousy.

“Hey,” he simply replied, before focusing on the phone he just got out of his pocket. He was busy texting someone. 

“So…you already have a suit for Friday?” you asked, trying to start a conversation. He shook his head. “Nope. But I plan on looking later today.”

“Cool. Do you want me to go with you? I don’t have anything to do after this,” you offered. 

He stopped and finally looked at you. You noticed how his eyes widened at your question and after mere seconds of looking at your eye, he looked away. He didn’t even need to open his mouth, his body language already told you that he already had someone he was going with.

You felt too sick to even hear his reply, immediately knowing the answer. You excused yourself, going straight to the bathroom to try to compose yourself and your body that was slowly starting to shake. You looked at yourself in the mirror, yelling inside your head to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. 

You and Peter were supposed to be inseparable. From childhood up until that moment earlier on the bleachers, you thought you would end up together.

All those years, you have convinced yourself you would be together and told the stars that he belonged with you.

But maybe he belonged with someone else.

And if you truly loved him, who were you to stop him from following his heart?

The moment you stepped inside the school tomorrow morning, Peter immediately wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

If it was yesterday or the days before, you would’ve loved it and your stomach would’ve already been swarmed with butterflies. But today, all it felt was aching pain.

“Hey,” he kissed your cheek, a thing he always did whenever he saw you at school. “MJ told me you went home early yesterday because you weren’t feeling well. Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve walked you home.”

“It’s fine, really,” you answered. It wasn’t fine, but how could you tell him he was the reason you couldn’t bear to stay at school yesterday?

“Well, I missed you. You got me really worried.”

And there it was again, the feeling of your heart jumping just from the words he said and how his voice spoke them. Was Gwen even okay with him putting his arm around your shoulder and walking with you in the hallways?

You did your best acting like everything was alright for the rest of today. Peter was busy texting Gwen for most of the time anyway, it wasn’t hard to convince him everything was fine.

Classes for Wednesday and Thursday were suspended to give way for prom preparations. You didn’t have much to do on Wednesday, so when MJ offered an idea to practice doing makeup and putting on the dresses to prepare for prom, you agreed.

You sat in your room in front of your vanity mirror while MJ did your makeup for you. She matched the eyeshadow with the color of your dress, and you must admit, she did amazing. Next was your hair, you requested it to be an updo, with the hairpins you picked out scattered attractively.

For a moment, you wondered what Peter could be doing right now. His house was just next to yours, his bedroom window facing yours and if you only pulled your curtains aside, you would see him through his window—if it wasn’t covered by his curtains.

Mary Jane snapped you back to reality by complimenting the details of the dress she just pulled out of your closet. “I need to see you in this dress now.”

You chuckled but complied nonetheless. With her help, you carefully put on the dark blue long dress. “Shit. This dress is made for you,” she complimented. It was true, you were indeed a vision. The dress hugged your body perfectly and the details were perfect to your liking. You never liked the color blue, but this dress got you second thinking. 

After putting on your heels, you checked yourself out in the mirror when MJ’s phone suddenly rang. “Peter? Hi,” she answered. As soon as she said his name, you turned around to face her.

“Are you okay?” MJ asked Peter. “You sound ill.”

“What’s happening?” you didn’t care anymore if Peter wasn’t talking to you. Something was wrong with him based on MJ’s reaction, and you were concerned.

“Oh my god.”

“MJ, what is it?” 

“Something is really wrong with him. I think we need to go to his hou–” she didn’t have the opportunity to finish her sentence when you immediately walked out of your room still in your dress and on your way to Peter’s house. MJ followed you but stayed outside Peter’s house. She smirked the moment you entered his house. Everything was going as planned.

Aunt May was thankfully on vacation somewhere, you couldn’t imagine her reaction if she saw you rushing towards her nephew’s room in a long dress and in heels. 

You carefully knocked on his bedroom door, announcing your presence. “Y/N?” he asked and you hummed in response. “I’m in here,” he answered from the next room. As far as you can remember, that room was an empty one. You weren’t sure why Peter was in there but in times of emergencies like this one, you didn’t care. “Can I open the door?” you asked.

“Yes.”

You did not expect what you saw.

The room was dark as a result of the windows being covered. On the floor were littered little candles with your favorite scent lit up to light the room in a romantic manner. There was an area left for you to walk leading to the middle of the room, which had a space just enough for two people. You also noticed the petals of roses scattered on the floor as a string version of your favorite song started playing. 

A figure emerged from the shadows—Peter. He offered his hand for you to take and only then when he led you to the middle did the fire from the candles revealed his outfit. He was wearing a suit that perfectly matched the color of your dress. You didn’t know how he knew the exact color of your dress, you would ask him that later.

You were both speechless, neither knowing what to say. “Wow…” he breathed out. “How could a person look so beautiful? You are unreal.”

“Thank you,” you blushed. “You look handsome too.”

He held your hand and guided it towards his lips, placing a soft kiss on the back of it before holding each of your hands with both of his.

“Peter?” you started to say. “What–”

“You know I prepared a whole speech just for this moment,” he interrupted. “And then as soon as I saw you, I just forgot every single thing in the world because you’re the only one that matters.”

Tears were starting to gloss your eyes but before you could start crying from his sentiment, you asked him a question that has been vexing you for quite a while.

“What about Gwen?”

His face was quick to react to your question. His forehead scrunched up, looking at you as if to tell you if you could emphasize your question.

“I thought you were together. You were talking to each other pretty much the whole week. You were texting and calling each other, she was with you when you picked your suit, and then I saw her wink at you at the game.”

His face slowly dawned with realization. As soon as he realized what you were talking about, he couldn’t help but laugh. But upon seeing your worried face, he stopped laughing at once and looked straight into your eyes with absolute seriousness.

“Gwen and I are nothing more than just friends. We are not together. We’ve been talking to each other a lot because I asked her for help on how to surprise you. She also helped me pick the right suit so I wouldn’t embarrass myself with a lousy one. She winked at me at the game because she was excited that after the game ended, we would set up this surprise. And also because I was sitting next to you in the bleachers, she kinda saw me stare at you while you were busy watching the cheer routine. The wink was just her teasing and being excited. It doesn’t mean anything, I swear. It’s only you. I only want you.”

“Shit. So I really just overthought the whole situation,” you chuckled. “I’m so stupid.”

“No, you’re not stupid. Don’t invalidate your feelings, It’s completely understandable. If I was you I’d think the same too.”

After a short moment of soft understanding silence, you felt him stiffen. His hands now held yours a little bit tighter. “Can I ask you a question?” he finally said.

“Let me guess, you want me to be your prom date?” you tried to ease the tension with the obvious question.

“Yes, and no.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I want to take you to prom, yes. But that’s not the only thing I want. I want to take you on dates, I want to dance with you not just at events organized by the school, I want to buy you flowers, every day if I can; I want to watch scary movies with you and laugh when you’re too scared and you hide yourself with a pillow, I want to watch sad movies with you and bring you tissues and cuddle you the moment you cry, I want to watch romantic movies with you and cringe together when the characters do something embarrassing and wrap my arms around you when you blush at something sweet that they do. I want the tears, the pain, the frustration, the confusion, the sweetness, the laughter—everything. I want everything. With you.”

“Pete…”

“We’re seniors. Next year, we’re going to college. We will take on different paths and places, but before that even happens, I want you to be my place that’s never changing. And if you feel the same, I want to be your place that’s never changing too. You have been my best friend since we were kids, and I don’t want my memory of us to be just two people being friends since childhood,” he said before resting his forehead against yours. “I am in love with you, Y/N L/N. Would you be willing to enter a relationship that’s more than friends with me?”

Tears glossed over your eyes again, but this time, you let one fall. Peter was quick to wipe it with his hand. “Tell me you don’t feel the same and I will not hold it against you. Tell me you don’t feel the same and I will not cross the line of being more than friends. Know that I will not force you into a relationship you do not want. Tell me if you don’t feel the same and I–”

“Yes,” you stopped him before he could finish his sentence. “The answer is yes. I am in love with you as well, Peter Parker. I have been for a long time.”

Peter smiled, now feeling his own tears try to escape his eyes but he didn’t let them fall. “May I dance with you?”

You chuckled but agreed, letting him guide you into position. Your forearms rested on his shoulders, your hands softly stroking the back of his neck while his hands were positioned at both sides of your waist. As the music still played in the background, you both started swaying.

“I can’t take my eyes off of you. You’re gorgeous,” he commented. “You don’t look so bad yourself. Your suit even matched my dress,” you said back.

“I’ll have to thank MJ for that.”

“Wait–MJ is a part of this?” 

“Of course, she is. How’d you think I knew the color of your dress?”

You suddenly remembered the conversation you had with MJ when she asked you about the color of your dress. And then you also remembered that MJ was the reason why you were even inside Peter’s house right now in the first place. Peter called her and then she said that something was wrong with him and urged you to come here. Where was she even now anyways?

Peter laughed as he watched your face change from confusion to realization. “You know what–I’ll give it to y’all. You, Gwen, and MJ are good at this,” you admitted.

“The dressing up with our prom outfits and dancing was my idea though,” he spoke as he guided you into a spin. “I wanted our first dance to be private, not in a room filled with other students.”

You saw him glance at your lips for a moment before looking back into your eyes. “I also want to do this,” he said as he leaned in closer and met your lips with his.

You’ve imagined this moment ever since your heart started beating for him. But still, the feeling of his lips against yours for real was better than what you’d imagined it to be. The kiss was soft but intimate, neither of you having a need to rush into things but at the same time making up for lost time pining over each other silently. You wished you could kiss him forever and stay like this but you eventually needed to pull away to breathe.

“So, you really thought I was in love with Gwen?” he teased while you were catching your breath.

“Way to ruin the moment,” you chuckled, lightly punching his arm before nodding.

“Shit. I really made you jealous?” he seemed really proud of what he had done from the way he was smirking.

“Are you happy?” you jokingly asked, rolling your eyes with fake annoyance.

“Am I happy? Of course, I am. I just kissed you.”

You couldn’t find the words to reply as you blushed harder than you’d ever blushed before. Instead, you just laughed out of blissful happiness.

For the first time ever, he saw you laugh without covering your face and it was the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen. He couldn’t help but kiss you again.

Needless to say, the future was exciting.

If only he could tell you that he was Spider-Man.

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[lxclerc]

𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 | 𝐜𝐥𝟏𝟔

SUMMARY: a careful girl with a fear of falling finds herself with a certain monegasque determined to prove to her he's here to stay. PAIRING: single mom!reader x charles leclerc WARNING: none, pure fluff. not proofread at all WORD COUNT: 4.8k

NOTE: based off taylor swift's song by the same title!

masterlist

Love, you thought, is far more trouble than it’s worth. You and love never had a good relationship, your only example of it growing up being your parents’ marriage. With a cheating father and an emotionally abusive mother, love, you thought, isn't really all that. From what you’ve seen of it, it’s ugly and painful and full of tears. If this is love, then you want absolutely nothing to do with it. 

But not even you is exempted from cupid's cruel arrow, falling for a guy who doesn’t have the courage to catch you, who walked out at the first sign of hardship, leaving you with a baby you don’t know how to care for and a broken heart to nurse. You decided then that love is not worth it. Love is not worth the pain it comes with and you will never subject your daughter to the same broken childhood as you, hiding under the bed with your hands on your ears to try and block out the screaming and the sound of broken glasses downstairs as your parents show you exactly what love is. 

Your daughter will never know pain as you did. She will never know abandonment as you did. She will grow up loved and cared for, not walking on eggshells in his own home like you did. Love will never break Sofia’s heart like it did yours. 

The first time you met Charles, you were waiting tables, having taken another extra shift for Sofia’s upcoming birthday. He smiled at you so brightly that you had to look away, believing that surely no one can be that happy. There’s far too much ugly in life for anyone to smile that big and that assured. A pretty smile and a pretty face, an expensive watch probably worth triple your paycheck and clothes that fits him too perfectly. You already know the likes of him and you’re quick to stay clear away. 

Charles Leclerc is love. You knew that the first time you met him. He is the type of love that makes you feel as though you’re floating on a cloud of happiness only to come crashing down in even smaller broken pieces. You know it all too well and you decided then and there that you will not be love’s next victim. For this one, you’re more than happy to sit it out. 

But you’re only human after all. After weeks and weeks of him coming in everyday with you avoiding him, you figured you might as well get it over with now. Is he here for you? You aren’t sure. Do you want him to be here for you? No, you told yourself repeatedly. But are you entirely too curious for your own good, unable to let something be without wanting to put a microscope on it and observe every nook and cranny? Absolutely. It’s a problem. 

So when he entered after the third week, you finally caved and approached his table, armored with your usual neutral smile. You hadn’t missed the way his eyes seemed to widen in surprise as you stood before him. It’s almost adorable if only you hadn’t felt that telltale roar in your chest. You’re quick to school your features, plastering the polite, nearly emotionless smile on your face. 

“Hello,” you greet softly, bring out your pad and paper. “What can I get you?”

His cheeks colored pink, realizing he had been staring and he swiftly switched his gaze from your face to the menu in his hands despite already knowing every meal on it. You’re way too pretty, it feels almost suffocating to be this near with you standing over him, your floral perfume attacking his senses. Charles was more than happy to watch you across the room. He doesn’t mind that you never took notice of him or that you never even looked in his direction. It’s a crush, nothing more and nothing less. He was more than ready to just let it pass. But now that you’re standing over him, he can barely breathe.

“How about coffee,” you offered with a small, knowing smile. He’s been staring at the menu for what felt like hours. “Then let me know what you want to get.”

“Okay.” Charles hates coffee. He loves the small, teasing grin forming on your lips though. 

He can feel his breath returning to his lungs once you step away, giving him an opportunity to take a deep breath as the scent of her perfume lingered. Charles has raced hundreds of miles per hour, he’s experienced breathless pressure but he’s never experienced the way his heart seemingly wanting to beat out of his chest from the mere smile of a woman. He realized he doesn’t mind it all. There’s a certain kind of adrenaline with being near you, one that he finds himself beginning to get addicted to. 

When you return, he’s finally figured out what he wants to order – pancakes with bacon. “I’m Charles, by the way,” he says suddenly, voice thick with a french accent as you jot down his order on your small notepad before he realized that you hadn’t asked nor did you ever indicate that you wanted to know but somehow he wants you to know just so it’d be a little harder for you to forget about him.

The small smile that you gave him was suddenly worth the sudden heat in his cheeks. “I’ll have your pancakes in a few minutes, Charles.” 

“Oh – um – yeah, sure. Take your time.” God, he’s absolutely hopeless.

Charles doesn’t ask you out that night nor does he the night after that or any night within that week. You try to convince yourself that you’re relieved, thankful you aren’t being put in an awkward position. You ignore the flutter in your stomach everytime he stutters over his English while talking to you or his cheeks color red everytime you tease him. You ignore that you’ve been giving him the bigger bacon pieces or that you can’t help but glance at him whenever he’s in. 

But on a specific Saturday night, what should have been your day off, your defenses crumble. You’re exhausted. You didn’t do as well in your uni finals as you wanted to, your babysitter just quit after she found a much stable job and Sofia had been sick the night before, a bug you’ve obviously caught if your migraine and runny nose is anything to go by. After buying medicine and a few cheap toys to cheer her up along with finding a much more expensive babysitter than your old one, you’re severely lacking on money for this month so you took an extra shift despite your body begging at you not to and it feels as though the entire world is toppling on you. 

When Charles came in, you couldn’t even find it in yourself to give him your usual smile – much genuine now, like an old friend greeting another. Instead, your eyes are squinted, attempting to get them to focus on his figure and your body sagging in exhaustion.

“Are you okay?” He asked as soon as you reached his usual table, genuine concern in his eyes and sincerity lacing his voice. 

You wanted to cry on the spot. It’s been a while since anyone genuinely asked, not just as a passing question. Sofia is far too young, only three, to notice whenever you feel like everything is too much. You moved away from the small town where your parents reside the moment you were able to and you don’t exactly have time to make friends between balancing your uni work, two side jobs and raising your daughter. All you have are friendly acquaintances and coworkers. 

“Y/N?” He asked again, sounding more worried. You hadn’t even realized that tears had begun falling to your cheeks. You felt pathetic as you stood before him, crying like a teenager and looking like a mess. If he was ever interested in you before, he’s surely not anymore. You’re a complete mess. 

But Charles only looks worried as he stands up, immediately wrapping you in his arms as your silent tears begin to get louder, turning into full on sobs as you break apart, all of your exhaustion and worries finally pushing you over. Thankfully, no one else is at the restaurant, only two tables filled with uni students who don't seem to care about your current breakdown. 

Charles took notice of your feverish skin, but he doesn’t say anything as he allows you to sob to his chest. Your arms, which were previously tucked to your sides, reach to wrap around his torso till you’re clutching at him, allowing him to keep you grounded. For the first time since the start of the day, you don’t feel as though you’re about to fall over as you leaned onto him. 

“You’re sick,” he says as you finally calm down. “I’ll take you home.”

You’re quick to shake your head, however. You’re both sitting in the booth now, you by the window and him next to you. You’re still leaning against him and his arms are still around you as you try your best to stop crying. “My shift doesn’t end till seven. I can’t leave yet.”

You really really want to though, but you also don’t want Charles to remove his arms from around you. And even then, you have your other job to get to – delivering for a small pizzeria till midnight. 

Silence enveloped the two of you again till Charles spoke up. Checking his watch, he realized it’s only five in the afternoon, only two more hours till your shift ends. Gently removing his arms from around you, he stood up. “You just take orders, right?” 

“Yes.”

“You stay here and rest, I’ll do it and then I’ll take you home.” He grabbed the pen and notepad you placed on the table. 

You want to start crying again. It’s been so long since you felt taken care of that it feels foreign to you. “Charles, I can’t let you do that.” 

“I’m offering,” he says with a smile. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

Despite yourself, you managed a small smirk. “Are you telling me I look bad?”

“Never.” He said it as though he can’t believe you even asked. “You are Aphrodite.” 

And with that, he turned away, leaving you with your heart beating against your chest and a flutter of butterflies in your stomach. And when he turned to you, that smile on his face and that look in his eyes, you cursed yourself. He is friendship, definitely. He might be love, if you let him be. But he is not nothing. He will never be nothing. 

Charles wasn’t the best at taking orders, but he did try and it’s obvious barely anyone can resist his charming smile despite the often confusion in his voice. Eventually though, your coworker must have felt bad, saying that you can go early and she’d cover your shift, a small friendly smile on her face as Charles lit up. 

You try to keep your eyes on the drive as he drives you to your apartment, trying to ignore the flutter in your stomach whenever he’d throw a glance at you. You thought it’s unfair for him to look so beautiful bathed in darkness, nothing but the streetlights lighting his face. You try not to think about how he smiled at the customers as he did your job and the way he kept checking at you. You try to forget the feeling inside his car as he insisted on taking you home, watching the way his hands gripped the steering wheel in an attempt to stop yourself from watching him.

When you arrived in front of your building, you expected him to drop you off and leave but Charles insisted on walking you to your door. After everything he’s done for you, you decide against arguing.

Your door flew open before you could even insert the key, your daughter’s smiling face greeting you. You try not to get self conscious over the clear surprise in Charles’ face, the child before him’s features uncannily similar to yours. 

“Maman!” Sofia called happily, barreling against your legs. “You’re home early.”

You try not to get self conscious over the clear surprise in Charles’ face as you kneel before your daughter to return her hug, the child before him’s features uncannily similar to yours. 

“You are Aphrodite,” he told you earlier. Will he still think so knowing you have a daughter?

“Hi, angel. This is my friend Charles.”

At the mention of his name, Charles did as you did and kneeled before Sofia, the little girl’s bright smile removing the confusion on his face and replacing it with a smile of his own as he offered his hand for her to shake. “Nice to meet you, pretty little lady.” 

“Heureux de vous rencontrer aussi.” your daughter said proudly, her small hand holding Charles’. Her French is definitely much much better than yours, practically as good as her english. Unlike you, who moved to Monaco already as an adult, Sofia was born and raised here. “Je m'appelle Sofia.” Nice to meet you too…My name is Sofia.

Charles’ smile widens from her perfect French. “Vous avez un beau nom, Sofia.” You have a beautiful name, Sofia.

Your daughter practically preens over his praise, her smile widening, showcasing her toothless grin. 

“Vos yeux sont vraiment jolis,” she says shyly, making the monegasque let out a small laugh. Your eyes are really pretty. 

“Yours are prettier I think.” 

You can see him practically falling in love with your daughter, his eyes shining under her bright smile. It wouldn’t be the first time. Nearly everyone Sofia meets, she manages to charm, having them wrapped around her little finger without them even realizing it. 

Your daughter blushes, now completely beaming at Charles. “Do you want to play with me, Cha?” 

“Honey, it’s pretty late,” you interrupt, joining in on their conversation. You don’t want to bother Charles more than you already have. “I’m sure Charles has somewhere to be.”

“I actually don’t have plans for tonight,” the monegasque interrupts and the smile he gives your daughter is enough to melt your heart. “I’d love to play with you, Sofia. Only if your mum is okay with it, of course.” 

At that, Sofia turns to you with her best puppy eyes, lips a little pouty as she presses her hands together. “Maman, s'il te plaît, s'il te plaît. Cha peut jouer avec moi ?” Mum, please, please. Can Cha play with me?

You were torn. The thought of letting Charles in more than you’ve already had terrifies you along with your daughter growing attached to him only for him to be a temporary thing. Love, you realize, terrifies you and love is in his eyes as he awaits your answer. Love is in his smile for your daughter. Love is in the way he’s looking at you. 

But with the two of them looking at you like that, how can you ever say no? As you hesitantly nod your head, you try to convince yourself that this will lead to nothing, just an odd night that won’t become anything more. 

And as the two of them shared a victorious smile, sharing a small high five in celebration, you know you’re lying to yourself. 

“Only for a while though,” you say slowly. “I have work tomorrow and I’m sure Charles does too.”

The conditions don't matter as Sofia nods her head, still grinning as she pulls Charles into her room, barely giving you or Charles to say anything else. Heaving a sigh, you continue inside. Your head is still spinning and your vision hazy as you send home the babysitter. 

You can hear Sofia’s excited voice from her room along with Charles’ voice and you wonder since when you’ve become so trusting that you’ve let your daughter be alone with a man. Wondering if you should follow them, you decide against it. Instead, you open her bedroom door, smiling at the two of them, so you can see inside from your place on the cough. They both sat on the floor, Sofia introducing Charles to her dolls and Charles nodding along as though all of it made sense. 

Somewhere along watching them have a tea party, your exhaustion won against you as you fell asleep on the couch, Sofia and Charles’ laughter being the last thing you remembered. You dream of boys with french accents and light green eyes smiling at you. 

It must have been a few hours when you woke up, Charles gently shaking your shoulder. Immediately, with a little rest, you already feel much better than you had a few hours ago, your head still spinning but significantly less. 

“Sofia’s asleep,” he tells you as you sit up, him sitting next to you. 

“Thank you so much for everything and I’m so sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you today–” you start but Charles places a hand on your arm, a soft smile on his face. 

“You didn’t cause me any trouble at all, ma belle. And I enjoyed spending time with your daughter,” he assures you. 

You nod your head, nervously chewing on your bottom lip and not knowing what else to say as a silence falls between the two of you. 

“So there’s her,” you can’t help but explain even though you know you shouldn’t. “I got pregnant at 19. Her father is out of the picture. I know what it looks like. A young, single mum working two jobs just to keep a roof–”

Charles leaned in, pressing his lips on yours. And for a moment, you sat still, eyes open with your lips pressed against his, frozen as everything about him – his scent, his touch, his lips – attacks your senses. For the first time in a while, your brain shuts down, the million things always running in your mind disappearing. 

It was when Charles hesitated, beginning to pull back, that you returned to yourself, hand reaching forward to clutch at his shirt and pull him towards you as you kissed him back with the same vigor, the same softness. A careful girl with a fear of falling but in that moment, you’ve never feared anything more than him letting you go. 

He pulls back just enough, barely half an inch between the two of you as your foreheads touch. “I’m in, my Aphrodite. I’m all in.” 

But of course, you revert to your fear now that his lips aren't on yours. Charles is love but before him, you knew a different kind of love, one that was ugly and angry and sad. “For now.”

“For as long as you want me,” he promised. 

—

Your relationship with Charles is like breathing, it came effortlessly. Sometimes, it feels as though he can look into your soul and know exactly what you need. He’s patient and kind and whenever he smiles at you, it feels as though you can take on anything. 

On the other hand, Charles and Sofia seem to hit it off better than the two of you, becoming inseparable whenever Charles isn’t away at his races. And even then, Sofia would be begging you to call him. She watches every race, celebrating every wins and every loses as though it’s wins, congratulating Charles so enthusiastically you’d think he won a world championship. In Sofia’s eyes, Charles is a superhero who can do no wrong. 

And selfishly, it makes life so much easier for you. With Charles around and Sofia always tailing him, you get more chances to study for your exams and focus on work. You have more time to focus on uni and actually learning something rather than just passing. 

“Tu es sûr que tu ne veux pas mettre quelqu'un d'autre ?” You hear Charles ask Sofia from the living room. “You can put someone famous.” Are you sure you don't want to put anyone else?

“You are famous,” you hear your daughter’s voice. 

Shutting your textbook, you found the two of them sat on the floor. Charles crossed legged and Sofia on his lap, the small coffee table filled with crayons and paper. You walk over to them, planting a kiss on Sofia’s forehead and sharing a small one with Charles. “What’s going on here?” 

“Mummy, who’s your favorite hero?” Your daughter asked excitedly, making you think. 

“I don’t know, baby,” you admit. “Spiderman maybe. Who’s yours?”

“Charles!” Sofia didn’t even hesitate as she proudly said it and you can immediately see the way Charles’s cheeks tinted red. 

“I told her to choose someone else,” Your boyfriend immediately explains. “But she refuses.”

You’re quiet for a moment. Sofia adores Charles more than anything and deep in your heart, you know Charles adores her just as much and try as you did, your fears and doubts always follow you. Questions often fill your head whenever you see them like this. What if this doesn’t work out? What if Charles leaves? What if he decides he’s had enough of you? You wouldn’t just be breaking your heart, but Sofia’s as well. 

As a mother, you always question if you’re doing the right thing. Was it right to immediately introduce Charles to Sofia as your boyfriend? Was it right to let your daughter be as attached to him as she is now? Had you moved too fast? 

You force a smile on your face as you face Charles. “It’s okay.”

But Charles knows you well and that night, with Sofia tucked in bed and snoring the night away, as he slipped onto the bed beside you, his arm wrapping around yours and your back hitting his chest, he knows something is wrong. 

“Talk to me,” he says. “Please.”

You lay motionless for a while, trying to articulate your thoughts without offending him. “My parents never loved each other. They fought and screamed and threw things at each other. It was horrible and I hated every moment of it. Their hatred for each other was more important than I ever was. Sofia’s father and I never loved each other and at the first sign of trouble, he fled. I know what it’s like to be darned by love. I know what it’s like to be unloved and abandoned. I don’t want Sofia to know that, Charles.”

He was quick to catch on to what you were trying to say. 

“I’m not leaving,” he said. “I love Sofia and I love you. I’m here till you want me here. We’ll never make your parents’ mistakes.” 

You feel tears pricking your eyes as you shift to face him. “You’re the best thing that’s ever been mine, Charles Leclerc.” 

—

The first time you appeared on the paddock, it was the first race of the 2022 season in Bahrain. You’ve been dating Charles for a year by then with him already having posted pictures of the two of you. You’ve moved in together and have met his family whom you deeply adore. 

Sofia especially adores Arthur. The first time you met, you’re sure your daughter had developed a crush of sorts on the youngest Leclerc, her usual boisterous charm becoming more timid as she practically blushes at everything Arthur says. Charles absolutely despised having to share her attention, giving the rest of you entertainment as he spent the entire weekend of your family vacation convincing Sofia that she loves him most. 

And though Charles has asked, you requested that he doesn’t post pictures of her, terrified of what his rabid fans would say about your daughter. What they say about you, you can handle but you’re not quite sure you’ll be able to handle. Charles was respectful of your wishes but of course, upon searching you up, people found out about Sofia anyways. Thankfully, there’s very very few bad things said about her from Charles’ fans and you don’t particularly go around searching for them. 

For Sofia’s 4th birthday though, her wish was clear and simple; to be able to go with Charles to a grand prix. And quite frankly, neither of you had the heart to tell her no and so you decide it’s as good a time as ever.

And so with that, the three of you step into the paddock, Sofia wearing a Ferrari shirt Charles had made especially for her as she walks between the two of you, holding both your hands. The clicks of the many many cameras can be heard as you three walk towards the Ferrari motorhome. A few fans stop you to take a picture with Charles with the monegasque easily agreeing though never letting go of Sofia’s hand. 

Halfway through your walk to the motorhome however, Sofia tagged lightly on Charles’ shirt, asking to be picked up to which he easily agrees to, his hand now clasping yours.

“Where’s uncle Arthur?” Your daughter asks.

You smile at her, pushing her hair back. “I’m sure he’s busy with his own race, mon amour.” 

Many more rounds of pictures were taken with Charles now having your daughter on his hip that you’re sure will be spread all over the internet. Most fans even greeted her, making Sofia smile widely. 

 Eventually though, you reach his drivers room after being introduced to the entire team, all of them fist bumping your daughter as Charles introduces every mechanic one by one. 

Charles places Sofia down once the door closes behind you, needing to get ready for some press and the drivers parade. He plants a kiss on her forehead. “Be good for mummy, okay?” 

At that, Sofia’s eyebrows creased together, realizing he’s going to be leaving as her hand immediately clutched at his shirt. “I thought I’ll be with you?” 

“You will be,” Charles calmly explained, tucking a strand of hair that fell from her braid behind her ear. “But I’ve got work to do first and then I’ll come back to you immediately.”

But your daughter only shakes her head. “No, I wanna go with you.” 

“Sofi,” you start, trying to gently pull her away from him. “Charles is at work right now. We’re just here to support him but he needs to focus on his work. Kind of like when you need to focus when doing your homeworks.” 

But still, she adamantly shakes her head, shaking your touch away as she all but runs into his arms. “No, I wanna go with daddy.”

You practically choke on air as you heard her words, Charles’ eyes immediately widening and as he turned to you in panic. The entire year you’ve been dating, this would be the first time she ever outright called him her dad. Of course, the sentiment has always been there. He stepped up as a father figure in her life and she’s always treated him as one but she’s only ever called him either by his name or ‘Cha’.

You and Charles have talked about it though as he expressed to you how much he wants her to. You can see the happiness in his eyes now as he hugs her to his chest, practically melting at her little declaration. 

You think he might cry as he clears his throat and you can’t help the way your heart bursts in happiness at the sight. “Alright, pretty little lady. You can stay with me but you have to behave as daddy works, alright?” 

Immediately, a big smile breaks across her face as she eagerly nods her head. Charles faces you, his own smile big and tears pooling at his eyes as he wraps you up in a hug, discreetly wiping his tears away. Neither of you say anything, only sharing a small kiss.

“We’ll be back,” he tells you and you only nod your head as Sofia plants her own kiss on your cheek. You smile as they exit his drivers room.

A TV shows the media pen outside and you watched as Charles walked out with Sofia in his arms, his media manager directing him towards an interviewer. 

“Charles Leclerc, first race of the season, how are you feeling?” The interviewer asked, making your boyfriend smile. 

“I’m feeling very very good,” your boyfriend answered with no hesitation. “The car is good, the team worked hard and I believe we really have a chance at the championship this year.” 

“And of course, it must be nice to have the support of your family today.”

Charles’ smile widens. “Yes, especially with this one around.” He plants a kiss on Sofia’s temple, making her smile at him. “She gives me a lot of motivation to win.” 

“How do you think he’ll do today, little lady?” 

Sofia immediately perks up as the mic is turned to her. “Daddy is going to win!” 

Despite the obvious surprise from drivers, interviewers and staff alike at her statement, nearly everyone laughs. 

“There you have it,” Charles says with a chuckle. 

As it turns out, Sofia was right because that day, Ferrari won with a 1-2 with Charles getting P1, making you, Sofia and everyone else in the garage cheer. When Charles greets you both after exiting his car, he claims the two of you are his good luck charms and for the first time in your life, love no longer terrifies you.

taglist: @ricsaigaslec @dragon-of-winterfell @coffeehurricanes @rdtbattinson @privcherry7 @miniminescapist @sebsdaniel @strelcka @writing-about-current-obsessions @amsofftrack @lostinketterdam @bisexual-desi

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc angst #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc one shot #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x y/n #formula 1 #f1 #formula 1 one shot #formula 1 fluff

[writingonleaves]

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? (did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?) - jeremy swayman

pairing: jeremy swayman x original female character

warnings: swearing, pretty angsty. hopeful ish ending because i can't do sad endings, very personal but i think many can relate in their own way, cliche ish, barely proofread

inspired by + title: "the smallest man who ever lived" by taylor swift

word count: 5.6k

author's note: i'd argue almost every piece any author writes is personal, because it has their life interspersed through the words. but this one really is, because a majority of this is the exact same words i wrote years ago after a break-up. heard the bridge to this song and immediately knew i had to write something inspired by it. also trying a new format of sorts (maybe a bit meta??), so i hope you enjoy and lmk what you think!!

~*~*~

When Noelle Betsko walked away from Jeremy Swayman, holding back tears until the call dropped, she knew it was going to be a tough time for the foreseeable future. 

It didn’t matter that the pandemic had forced them apart. She knew she would still feel him for months to come.

She did the only thing she knows how to do when trying to deal with things. The one thing she always resorts to as an aspiring novelist. Sometimes on her laptop when the words were spilling out too quickly for her brain to catch up, tears littering the keyboard. Usually in her old beat-up journal, scribbling in the cursive that Jeremy claimed he always loved (“It makes your handwriting unique”) with the pens he had gifted her just a few months prior. 

At the age of 21, Noelle got her heart broken for the first time. At the age of 26, she’s about to publish her first poetry collection of sorts, all of the poems modeled after journal entries written throughout her life. So not really poetry, though her mother would say otherwise. 

She swallows as she thumbs through the middle part of the first known and binded copy of “miscellaneous.” There are only eight entries in the whole collection that are taken verbatim from her past writing. These are the eight.

May 13, 2020 (three days post-breakup, crying in my childhood bedroom)

I don’t even recognize who I was and who you were in those writings before these pages filled with love and hope and happiness. I can’t even summon up those feelings anymore that I knew existed at one point. Those feelings of complete bliss and love for someone so deep you can’t explain it. 

I’m mad at myself for not being able to conjure those feelings, because at one point, I did love you. How could something that was part of my daily life for over two years just disappear so quickly? 

But now, I’m not mad at myself. I’m mad, but I don’t know where to direct that anger to. I feel a bit empty sometimes, but then frustrated the next. Sometimes I get sad, but not so much compared to the other feelings. I spent enough time being sad during our relationship.

When we broke up, on an annoyingly beautiful Tuesday in May — over the damn phone, mind you, which whatever, it’s COVID. Fine — You told me you felt like you had been putting more effort into us. 

At the time, I didn’t react, but I’ve been thinking about how angry that statement made me. Makes me, actually. I was always very open with how much I gave to that relationship. How much it meant to me. How much it affected me. But I understand that with some people, sharing everything too much equates to things not meaning anything anymore. But you out of all people should’ve known that I mean everything I say.

I felt like I gave so much. I know I gave so much. When I told you I loved you, I always meant it. Every single time. When I told you I missed you, I always meant it. I wished you were right next to me at that moment. I mentally gave so much, because to me, I wanted to. You were always on my mind, always high up on my list of priorities. I never took us for granted.

I’ve been questioning if that was the same for you. Did you start becoming complacent?

The second thing you said that day that hasn’t left my head is that you knew me pretty well. And initially, I remember not thinking much of it. So I don’t doubt that; you always knew right when I was about to cry, even over the phone. You often knew when I was mad or upset, but when I look back now, you never pushed. Which is a good thing, to an extent. But it was a bad thing sometimes too. I knew you often wanted to give me space, but sometimes I didn’t want space. I wanted you to push. To try to understand. Maybe that’s unfair of me; it probably is. I should just say I want to talk about it more, right? 

But if you genuinely knew me, you would’ve known.

After two years, seven months and 12 days,  I still feel like I didn’t know you. Did I ever know you at all?

When people talked shit about you, I always defended you. And I still would defend you now. But lately, I've questioned what I’m even defending. All those good qualities that I thought you had, were they even real? Of course, I know some of them were, to a certain extent. But as I look back on us, there’s a lot of doubt about whether I even knew the person I called my boyfriend for so long. I know there was a point where you cared about me, but I can’t remember when. 

I often felt like I was letting you know so much about my life, but you didn’t do the same. I get that sometimes a person just wants to forget about the bad and focus on the good with a person you like for awhile. I get that. But once that was happening every damn time? That should’ve been a red flag. 

June 7, 2020 (twenty eight days post break-up, outside my childhood room on the deck) 

I don’t understand how you can give so much to something or someone and have it not be recognized or appreciated or enough. If I wasn’t enough for you, how will I be enough for anyone?

I hope one day you’ll truly understand how much this hurt. Not just the breakup, but feeling like I was always being pulled in a direction I didn’t always want to be pulled in. Feeling I was stuck between a rock and a hard place and never ever being able to win. I hate that I settled so much in the last year. Because I should’ve demanded more, even though deep down I knew you were never going to be able to give it to me.

I think back to our past daily texts, and I just don’t get it. At one point, we both meant the things we said to each other. 

Yet we still hurt each other. 

This fucking hurts.

You’ve hurt me so much, but most of it wasn’t intentional, which I think is somewhat even worse. Because I’m not totally mad at you for causing the pain. You never did anything outright to cause me pain, but I still feel like you did. 

Unintentional pain almost stings more than intentional. 

When I asked you out that night after we were both on an emotional high, I took a chance. For once in my life, I took the leap, knowing that I could get humiliated or hurt or just straight up shot down. 

Where did it all go wrong? Or, more realistically, how did we think that we could go through the wrong when it was there at the start?

I’m trying not to blame myself too much. Trying not to tell myself that I should’ve known better. 

All those times, especially at the start, when I would ask you if you genuinely liked me, you always thought I was just trying to be annoying. But you never understood that I genuinely thought that way. My self confidence from the start was lacking, and you didn’t try to understand that, because I come across to everyone as confident and self-assured. 

It hurt, when you would brush things off like that. I felt like you didn’t care.

And then, it got to the point where I stopped asking that question. Part of that is because I did become more confident and you did show that you cared, and part of that was because I knew it would piss you off.

The amount of things I was scared to talk about with you because I knew it would piss you off? I don’t wish that feeling on anybody.

I shouldn’t have been scared. I shouldn’t have been uncomfortable. But I was. And if you did notice like sometimes you claimed to, why didn’t you make it more comfortable for me? Was that too much to ask for? 

So larger than life that at the end, you faded into just the smallest man who ever lived. Fuck you.

Was it too much to ask for when I just wanted to know why you were upset? You didn’t have to ever tell me the full story (lord knows there were times I didn’t), but was it too much to ask for something? You told me once that I’m the person you’ve told the most to. How? You barely told me anything. And when I wanted to talk to you, whether it was about growing up in Alaska or why you were in a bad mood last night, you always brushed it off. Always. 

So I don’t feel so bad about feeling like I gave more effort. I gave so much of myself to you. If you really cared about me like you claimed you did, why couldn’t you show even just 1% of that care back? Or just meet me in the middle?

I could’ve tried harder to meet you in the middle, I’ll admit that. But you didn’t even give me a map or a clue how to. 

I felt so fucking left in the dark. I felt left in the dark about my own fucking relationship, something that I should be completely sure about. If you really love someone and care about them, how can you leave them in the dark? How could you not even see that I was struggling to find a flashlight?

You did care about me. I know that. To some extent and at some point in time, you did care about me. But caring about someone and their well-being isn’t always enough.

Why couldn’t you have worked with me? When I was extending my hand out, why didn’t you reach for it? How can someone just be so blind? I mean, I’m practically always spelling it out for you. 

Maybe I am being selfish. But fuck, I just wanted to be happy. At some point, you made me happy. When did I start making you feel like I wasn’t enough? Why wasn’t I enough for you?

It’s useless, in a way, to keep going about this. Because I know I deserve better. And we’ll both find people who are better for us. We just couldn’t be that person to each other.

I fucking loved you.

I wish it ended differently.

July 8, 2020 (fifty nine days post-breakup, in front of the lake)

I really really fucking miss you. 

I do. 

I miss being able to text you that i love you and not necessarily expecting a response until the next morning. I miss knowing that as soon as you wake up, you’ll text me back and assure me that yeah, you love me too. 

I’m left feeling bittersweet as I look back on memories that are just splashes and not definite strokes on the canvas that used to be us.

I miss having you as a friend. 

I’ve been having more urges lately to want to text you. And it isn’t even anything important. Just moments I experience throughout the day.

Do you get the urge to do the same?

July 19, 2020 (seventy days post-breakup, still in the same damn house)

It’s hard. It really is. And it kinda just hits you at random parts of the day. Sometimes I wake up from a dream that you were in and have to remind myself that it didn’t happen. 

Sometimes it physically aches when I realize that you won’t ever help me put on my jacket again, or complain that my hair is in your face when we’re lying on the couch watching Brooklyn Nine Nine, or groan when I drag you up to dance with me (which you never improved on, no matter how many times I tried to teach you basic rhythm). I can’t view our song the same way anymore, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. 

The other day, I read some simple thing on Twitter. I don’t even remember what it was, but I do remember that for a split second, I could see your smile in my mind. But it wasn’t just any smile. It was the smile you gave me when you took me ice skating that first time. I remember asking you what you were smiling at, and you said that you just were taking in this moment. I don’t know if you took a mental picture that day, but I know I did. That day seems so long ago now. 

In almost anything I do, you somehow pop into my mind or into the conversation. And it’s not even in a harmful way either. It’s because you were part of my life for so long. I see a dog on the street, and it reminds me of how you always stopped to pet every single one we’s see I write something in my messy handwriting, and I remember how you always used to complain that you couldn’t read the notes I’d occasionally leave around your place when you went away. I went to the doctor’s the other day, and they said I was 5 feet and 3 inches, which is just definitely not true, and I almost reached for my phone to text you, because you would’ve cackled and insisted that no, I’m 5 feet 2 inches and it wouldn’t even matter because I’ll always be shorter than you. It’s simple and minute things that make me miss you that much more.

I still can’t listen to some songs the same way anymore, but I can at least listen to them now, which is a feat in itself. I was unpacking from college and found the teddy bear you sent me the first extended time we had to be apart and had to immediately put that out of my sight. From those boxes also came photos that I had decorated my dorm room with, and to be honest, I’m glad now that I let you keep our best one. I deal with all my emotions, besides writing, by making Spotify playlists, and I made a new one earlier this week. I think it’s helping. It’s a slow process, this whole moving on thing, but it’s one that I’m trying to be grateful for, because like most things in life, you just don’t truly know until you go through it.

Sometimes, I find myself wondering how you are and how you’re healing. But, even though we’ve both changed since the day we met, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you’re incredibly strong and stubborn. I hope that you’re finding some growth in this process too. 

October 17, 2020 (one hundred fifty seven days post-break up, apartment in orono)

It’s been almost 5 months, and you still cross my mind everyday. 

Why wasn’t I enough for you? Why didn’t you fucking tell me what you were thinking? Why was I the one who had to approach you just because I was just so done with the silent treatment?

But I’m not mad at you. Not anymore. The mad phase passed ages ago. 

Closure is a fake word. Even a breakup as mutual and smooth as ours was still left me with so many questions that will probably never be answered. 

Any breakup fucks you up to some extent. I knew it was going to mess me up even back when we were together. But not like this. Never like this. 

But like anything in life, I guess you can never really prepare for what you think you might feel, because most of the time, you discover a whole new side of you that you never thought existed. 

I don’t miss you. I don’t. I don’t feel that love in any way anymore. 

But I did once.

You did too, right?

November 15, 2020 (one hundred eighty six days post break-up, fogler library)

I hate Halloween. 

Though, it did bring me to you three years ago. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you right then and there. 

Three years later, you texted me on Halloween, five months after our breakup. The universe really, really wanted to fuck with me. 

It was a tough night for you. I knew that. Because I know how you are after losing a game you should’ve won. But that didn’t mean that I owed you anything and had to respond. 

We agreed on no contact if we ever wanted to stay friends. Clearly, friends is out of the picture now, but come on. A vulnerable text after a bad night because you know I would feel bad for you?

Fuck, you know how much I would hate that. You had to have known. 

Just because we’re not dating anymore doesn’t mean that everything about you just disappears. I still know your tendencies. I still know exactly how my head burrows into your chest during a hug. I still know the actions I used to do that would be followed by you attacking me with a hug. I still could point you out in a crowd. 

I looked for you in every crowd for years. 

That stuff doesn’t just go away, no matter how much I want it to. But fuck. Fuck. Why did you text me? 

I don’t regret how I handled it. I probably would’ve responded months ago. But just like you, I’ve grown these last couple of months. 

It was comforting, for a split second, to know that maybe, just maybe, these past couple of months have been hard for you too. It makes me feel human. It makes me feel like I’m not crazy.

I’m glad you texted me. You gave me another level of closure I hadn’t known that I needed until then. 

But fuck, dude. You know me better than that. You should know me better than that. 

I hate Halloween.

November 26, 2020 (one hundred ninety seven days, at the coffee shop i brought you to when you came home with me two years ago)

I don’t regret loving you, but I hate you for what you did to me. 

Or maybe not. 

I hate knowing that even though we haven’t been in a relationship in a bit, it feels like sometimes, you’re on my mind the exact same amount when we were dating. I hate knowing that I gave so much of myself and my love to you, and it always felt unrecognized. 

Fuck, will it ever stop hurting? Will I ever be able to have to stop myself from thinking about you? Will it ever stop?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

Happy birthday. I hope you enjoy it.

June 12, 2021 (three hundred ninety five days post-break up, in boston, visiting a friend)

Tonight, when a friend asked me about you and how I felt about how we ended, I was able to articulate my thoughts clearly. I’m really proud of myself for getting to a point where I can take the lessons I learned the few months after we broke up and acknowledge them in a succinct way without breaking down into tears. Just watery eyes and the occasional voice crack 

I’m also proud that I can say that when we were dating, I lost a bit of myself. For months, it was really hard to admit out loud.

I’m proud of how far I’ve come. Sometimes, I wish I could call or text you about it, because I think you’d be proud too. And I know I’d be proud of you. I am, to be honest. I do break resolve once in awhile and check on you through various avenues.

I still haven’t seen you in person since the last time COVID made us say goodbye. Maybe I never will again. But day by day, I’m starting to accept that and be okay with it. I’m accepting that memories that used to be so painted in my mind are blurry or almost completely erased now. But that’s okay. Honestly, it’s probably for the best. 

I wonder, when you think about it, if you think about different moments that I do. That’s the thing when something ends. You have to be okay with letting go of those moments and realizing that just because you forget them, doesn’t mean they weren’t important. 

I don’t think I miss you. I hesitate in saying that. Because I’ve moved on and handled the aftermath of it better than I think both of us ever thought I could. When you hung up the phone for the last time, I proved to myself again that I’m stronger than I give myself credit for. I think we all are. But we don’t realize it until we’re thrown into a situation that we think we’ll never be able to overcome. 

But we do. Whether it’s because we’re forced to because there’s no other option, it doesn’t matter. Because we get through. We move on. 

I hope you're moving on. 

And then it goes into other topics, graduating during a pandemic specifically and losing what’s supposed to be your last year of no responsibilities before adulthood. There are other poems in here that reference a past relationship, but not as much as these eight. 

If there’s one thing that Noelle did change, it was taking out the details. Jeremy may have hurt her, but he doesn’t deserve someone possibly making a connection between these poems and their shared background. She’s not a famous author by any means, but she wanted to be careful.

Not that she makes that part of her life publicly known. People don’t need to know that her brother was Jeremy’s captain for two years at Maine and that’s how they met. 

Noelle grew up going to rinks. She hasn’t gone to one since they broke up. 

But also, what the fuck? It’s been five years since she’s dated the guy. She really is over it by now, even if his rise to stardom in the Bruins flittering on her social media feeds still sometimes has her swallowing a bit before she can continue with her day. 

Brooklyn is far enough from Boston. But sometimes it feels like it’s right outside her door. 

She’s proud of her first published work. She really is. People believed in her and after numerous notes swapped back and forth with her editor, she did it. She always knew she wanted to work in publishing. She never knew she herself would publish anything.

And here she is now, two weeks after the book release, in Boston, about to do a q&a and a signing. Apparently, “miscellaneous” has been on top of numerous lists and it’s flying off the shelves. Noelle can’t really believe it and tries not to think about it too much, trusting her agent with all of that. 

She’s happy to talk about her work and process though. That she can handle. And she’s grateful for all the love.

After a signing at a local bookstore, she decides to walk the 20 minutes home in the Boston fall. It’s a bit brisk, but she doesn’t mind and she just wanders, belly filled with delicious sushi she inhaled for dinner with an old friend.

Of course it happens the one time during her walk when she doesn’t avoid eye contact with someone. The song playing in her earbuds fade out of her focus and she almost stumbles. 

Jeremy’s eyes were always Noelle’s favorite thing about him. She thought she would’ve forgotten what they looked like by now. But clearly she hasn’t. 

Her eyes quickly cast to the person next to him. It’s definitely a girl. They’re a bit too far away for Noelle to pick out details. But it’s enough. He’s walking on the side closest to the street. It’s a Friday Night in a bustling part of the city. 

It hurts. She wishes it didn’t.

Even from far away, she sees his eyes blink in recognition. Noelle puts her head back down and walks faster. 

(She cries in the shower when she gets back to the hotel. She had debated feeling super sorry for herself and going to the hotel bar but refrained)

She has a few free days in Boston before flying back to New York. When she wakes up the next morning, she debates on going home early. But no, she won’t let a three second glance at someone ruin her time here. She used to occasionally come here during her college days. She loves this city. 

The city may be Jeremy’s, but she can make space for herself here too. 

She takes her time at a cafe, people watching and eating some breakfast. As she takes her coffee to-go, she looks out the window at the bookstore she was in the night before for the signing. She almost drops her coffee. 

Jeremy walks into the book store. 

Now, Noelle is debating her options. What she should do is continue with her day and walk in the opposite direction. But she’s always been too nosy for her own good. And maybe a bit self destructive. She decides to leave the cafe and cross the street immediately, so impatient to where she’s almost tapping her foot as the pedestrian signal stays red. 

As a writer, she’s no stranger to movie moments. The scenes written in books or movies where the timing is too accurate to be real. The situation too good to be true. But after a car speeds through an orange and she can finally walk, she stops in her tracks instead, feet glued down to the sidewalk.

Because Jeremy is right in front of her on the other side of the street. Her book in his hand. And he’s looking right at her. 

The first feeling she can recognize in herself is anger. Anger at the way their relationship panned out. Anger at the way they ended. Anger at the radio silence the years following. Anger at him for everything. Angry at herself for everything. 

The second feeling is, weirdly, shame, which she’s embarrassed by. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. But she feels it anyways. 

The third, and perhaps the most prominent, is emptiness. Five fucking years later, and she’s brought back to the emptiness she felt immediately after they broke up. The emptiness that the person you loved isn’t yours anymore — who maybe wasn’t ever yours to begin with. 

Before she can run, he’s already crossed the street to her. He looks naturally different as someone who you haven’t seen in five years would. But he also heartbreakingly looks the same. 

“We should get out of people’s way,” Noelle manages to chokes out. 

Jeremy laughs a bit. Her heart lurches. “Yeah.” He starts walking and she follows him wordlessly. This is his city after all. 

He leads them to a bench under a tree with beautiful fall foliage. She puts at least a foot between them as they both sit down, staring out at the people passing. She can’t take the silence. 

“I see you bought my book.”

“I did,” he replies evenly. “Congratulations. I always knew you would do it.”

She squeezes her eyes shut. Maybe if she squeezes hard enough she’ll forget when she originally pitched Jeremy the bare bones idea of the exact same book that’s currently in his hand. “Thank you. Congratulations to you too. On everything.”

“You’ve been watching?”

She shakes her head. “No. But, you know Seth and…yeah. It comes up during family calls sometimes.”

“Why didn’t you say hi last night?”

She looks pointedly at a couple walking their dog. “You seemed busy.”

“She wasn’t-that-it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Oh. Because that makes me feel so much better,” she spits out, before taking a deep breath. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. We broke up ages ago.”

“I’m sorry,” she gives him a look and is slightly proud of how he seems to shrink into himself a bit. “I-I know it’s five years too late. I know I didn’t handle it as well as I should’ve. But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

The thing is, Noelle always thought that maybe hearing an apology someday would make her feel better. But now that’s heard it, she’s not sure she does. 

She swallows. “I appreciate that.”

“I’ve already read it, you know.”

“Read what?”

Jeremy runs a hand through his hair. “Your book. One of my teammate’s girlfriend recommended it and I asked to borrow it. It’s fantastic,” He looks down at the book in his hand. It’s like the cover is taunting her. “I wanted my own copy.”

“Oh.” 

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For letting me off the hook with the poems I know were about me,” he scoffs, shaking his head at himself. “You could’ve written way worse.”

She can’t help but let out a chuckle. “I thought I was pretty mean.”

“Your definition of ‘pretty mean’ is tame compared to a lot of people,” he says, mindlessly flipping through the pages of the book. “You were always the kindest person, even when you shouldn’t have been..” 

He puts his hand out in her direction, the hand with the book in it. She furrows her eyebrows. “What-”

“Could I get a signed copy?”

“Jeremy. What do you want from me?”

He sighs, taking his hand back. “A chance to apologize?”

“You’ve already done that.”

“Not in the way I want to and what you deserve.”

She lets out a sigh, turning to face him fully. “I don’t know if that would be worth my time or yours. I know the book just came out, but that was five years ago. I’m over it. Forgive and forget, right?”

“But do you?” Jeremy counters back. “Clearly, you don’t forget, which I deserve. But forgive?” 

“We’re just going in circles now.”

“No we’re not,” he says firmly. “You’re just shutting me down because you don’t want to talk about it. I’ve had five years to prepare what I would say to you if I saw you again. You’re telling me you haven’t?”

“Of course I have,” Noelle tips her head back. “But also, what’s the point?”

“The point, is that I still love you.”

“Fuck you,” she says in a strained voice. “You can’t just-you can’t just throw that shit out there. Fuck you.”

He bites his lip, and to her annoyance, he laughs. But she listens more carefully, and it sounds very self deprecating. “I deserved that.”

“Yeah,” Noelle looks down at her feet. “So…what? You still love me?”

“I do.”

“And what are you going to do about that?”

“What are you going to let me do?”

“I live in Brooklyn.”

“I know,” she whips her head up. Jeremy looks sheepish, which she didn’t even think was something he knew how to do. “Seth mentioned it when we caught up a bit ago. I also still follow you on Instagram.”

She tries again. “It’s been five years.”

“And I’m here sitting with you and still feel the exact same way I did back then. Even more, to be honest.” He eyes her pointedly. “Any more excuses?”

Her voice softens. “You really hurt me.”

“I know. And I’m so sorry, Noelle.”

“I hurt you too.”

He shrugs. “We were young and stupid.”

“And we’re still not?” Noelle says with a snort before swallowing. “I’m not the same person you fell in love with.”

“I’m sure I’m not either. But I don’t know if there’s a world where I don’t love every version of you.”

“Even after reading the book?”

“Especially after reading the book,” he sighs. “Noelle, I know this is unfair of me. All of this. And I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to reach out. But I always intended to. And then you’re here? And I see you twice in two days? I’d be an idiot to not try. More of an idiot than I am, anyways.”

“Try for what?”

“A second chance? To be friends? Whatever you want.” He suddenly deflates. “Even if you don’t want anything to do with me. At least I’ll know.”

“Why did you never text me?”

“I thought about it a lot,” he admits. “I tried once, actually, after the high of a really good win. But it didn’t go through. I got the message.”

“The message?”

“You blocked me, right?”

Oh. “Yeah,” she lies. “I did.” She reaches into her bag for a pen and gestures for the book, which he gives to her, a curious gleam in his eyes. “I’m in Boston for two more days, including today.”

He takes the hint immediately. Eagerly. “I have a game tonight, but I’m free tomorrow.”

“Who are you guys playing?”

“Toronto. And I’m starting. Should be a good one.”

She hums non-committedly, scribbling on the inside of the front cover. She hands it back to him with a small, close-lipped smile. She nods at him to read the message.

to my first fan, 

i still love you too. 

xxx-xxx-xxxx

yours, 

noelle

He looks up, eyes shining but a bit confused. 

“I never blocked you. I just changed my number.”

“Oh.”

“And even if I still love you, I’m still mad at you.”

“I know. I’d be more surprised if you weren’t.”

She stands up, adjusting the bag on her shoulder and putting her sunglasses on. “Text me?”

His mouth splits wide into a grin. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

She backs away with one last attempt at a smile before turning down the street.

#k writes #hockey fanfiction #nhl #nhl fanfiction #nhl fanfic #nhl writing #hockey blurb #hockey writing #boston bruins #jeremy swayman #jeremy swayman blurb #jeremy swayman writing #jeremy swayman fic #jeremy swayman fanfiction #jeremy swayman x ofc #jeremy swayman x oc #jeremy swayman x reader

[c0wb0ylikem3]

I Miss You, I’m Sorry

•summary: in which y/n l/n joins her childhood idol on tour as she sings about her heartache, she just didn’t know the man who caused that heartache would go to one of her shows… (part 2/3)

•authors note: not proofread and very rushed there will be a pt 3!!

•pairings: (mick schumacher x fem!reader)

y/n.l/n

Liked by landonorris and others

y/n.l/n currently ten year old Y/n is screaming that she gets to open for her idol @taylorswift. I’m so grateful for this opportunity see you guys soon 💕

user1 excuse me what

taylorswift so excited to have you open!!

user2 I NEED ERAS TICKETS RN

gigihadid so proud of you my love

y/n.l/n love you 💋

user3 Taylor literally picked the best openers.

oliviarodrigo Y/n + Taylor = my favs

y/n.l/n you’re my fav

landonorris interesting you’re coming to Monaco…

y/n.l/n you’re not invited

landonorris as if I’d spend my money on you 🙄

y/n.l/n you’re gonna regret saying that the swifties are gonna get you

erastourupdates

Liked by user1 and others

erastourupdates Y/n L/n has yet to sing her hit single 21, however Y/n has announced she is working on her latest album during the tour titled Good Riddance.

user1 when did she announce a new album??

user2 during last nights show!!

user3 I NEED NEW Y/N MUSIC

user4 she needs to add 21 to her setlist or I’m boycotting (i don’t even have eras tour tickets)

user5 the way she started to tear up during Mess It Up

user6 whoever broke her heart I’m come for you…

Y/n.L/n

Liked by mickschumacher and others

y/n.l/n adream come true 💓 so happy I got to sing my new song I miss you, I’m sorry with THE Taylor Swift.

user1 i don’t know who has more surprises y/n or taylor..

user2 she learned from mother

landonorris i was so happy you weren’t opening then you went and did this 🙄🙄

y/n.l/n dont act like you weren’t crying

user3 CANT BELIEVE THEY GOT 3 SURPRISE SONGS

mickschumacher 🤍

this comment was liked by y/n.l/n

user5 WHAT IS GOING ON

erastourupdates

Liked by user1 and others

erastourupdates y/n l/n seen leaving the eras tour after party with someone…people speculate it’s formula one star Mick Schumacher

user1 isn’t he mr I missed your 21st birthday 🤨

user2 he’s also Mr I miss you,I’m sorry

user3 ARE THEY TOGETHER???

#formula 1 #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 x y/n #formula 1 x you #formula one #formula one x reader #formula one x y/n #formula one x you #mick schumacher #mick schumacher angst #mick schumacher fluff #mick schumacher x reader #mick schumacher x you #mick schumacher x y/n #mick schumacher instagram au #mick x reader #mick x you #mick x y/n #lando norris x you #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x reader #lewis hamiton

[dailyreverie]

We fell in love at the end of the world

Part of the Your Wish is my Command universe

A/N: ...well this took a while didn't it? To makeup for it here's a long-ass update with like a thousand taylor swift song references because that has been my personality for the past two months. Title comes from the song with the same name by "Hozier" (Give it a listen because it has huge Poe vibes)

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Solo!Reader (fem.)

Word Count: 3.9k words

CW: A lot of feelings. Bar setting, alcohol and drunk people mentions, reader drinks alcohol, s3x mentions.

SERIES MASTERLIST

There were so many factors of why you couldn’t be with Poe that you didn’t even know where to start enlisting them. The heart-crushing feelings you had for him were becoming unmanageable; you couldn’t look at him, couldn’t speak to him, couldn’t think of him without feeling your limbs and organs moving in a giddy flutter, so you did the only thing you could do: avoid him at all costs.

It’s hard to do so, ignore your favorite person in the whole galaxy, but maybe if you did for a few weeks you could get over all those feelings… right? And yes, it’s hard to do so, even more so when you are summoned to a briefing only to find him going in at the same time.

“Hey!” Poe sounded happy when he saw you, relieved even, his features even lighting up when he looked at you after taking a double look. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Poe!” Damn you, Dameron, was all you wanted to say when his arms opened to greet you with a bone-crushing hug. “You know how this gets…” Your vague answer made his smile turn into a tucked-lip grin, almost as if he were disappointed by your answer.

“I know,” was all he said. “So are we both in trouble, or are we going on the same mission?” Being in trouble sounded like the better option. You couldn’t know, but Poe thought so too.

An infiltrated spy in the government had reached all the way to the Resistance, and of course, in order to give away more information, the spy needed an in-person meeting. Even knowing that, when the General told you who was assigned to the mission, that news alone terrified you more than the actual meeting.

“I’m sending you two”. You couldn’t know who was more nervous about it, you, or Poe, who kept looking at you without really knowing what to say. Your blood turned cold in your veins. You looked at Poe as he looked at you, and you both turned to look at the General. “Why?” You asked, trying to remain as cool as possible even though you felt like your knees could give up on you at any moment. You failed, clearly, since your own mother looked at you stranged at your uneasy tone. “I mean… why send two people? Isn’t this a- uhm- one-person job?” You saved yourself quickly while looking at Poe, who seemed like a lost porg with wide eyes avoiding yours.

She glared at you as if she knew more about you than you did - and she probably did. “I’m sending you because they are expecting an Organa, and I’m sending Poe as your protection.”

The General walked past you, leaving no room for protesting. All Poe did when you exchanged a look was shrug.

“Protection?” You asked after a beat, once the General had walked past you, and from the look on her face, you may have asked a bit too harshly. Poe looked down, hiding a hurt smile that twisted your insides from guilt. “What I mean is- You don’t have to send your best pilot to this mission, I can handle it on my own. It’s just intel, after all.”

“Well, then…” Leia looked between the two of you; you with your panicked eyes hiding a thousand feelings, and Poe a couple of steps behind, uncharacteristically quiet, watching it all unfold. “...then consider this a fun friend getaway, in which your friend is also there for your safety.” She patted your arm and left the room.

“Hey!” Poe called you as you began to walk outside, and as you stopped and turned around, facing each other and waiting for him to speak, you got a glimpse of the hurt from before mixed with something else, something warm; right there, all over his eyes, you remembered why you couldn’t be sent alone with him. “Are you okay?” Was all he said.

“Yeah.” You said almost instantly. “Why wouldn’t I be?” A chuckle came right after.

“You seemed a bit… I don’t know.” His voice turned to a quiet whisper at the last words, as if he were questioning his own self. “Are we good?” He sounded hurt, and you hated yourself. A nod was all you could do without giving away your almost exploding feelings.

“We’re good.” You confirmed. It wasn’t his fault, he didn't deserve to be ignored by his best friend.

Poe nodded back, convincing himself about it. “I thought you were avoiding me, I just- I wanted to make sure we were good.”

Damn. Damn him and his perceptive, smart, beautiful, brain.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I would never avoid you.” You smiled, with an apology between the lines that you hoped he would get, but a real smile after all. You can’t be away from him, it doesn’t matter how hard you try.

“Well, then I should get some rest. Can’t be easy being your personal security, I have to be well-rested.” You pushed his shoulder, scoffing at his dumb joke. You felt almost relieved to be back to laughing with him, not realizing how torturous the past couple of weeks of avoiding him had really affected you. “I’ll see you in the morning, Lieutenant.” He shouted as he turned his back to you, finally, letting you break into the enormous smile you couldn’t contain anymore.

It was going to be a hard mission.

******

In another life, this would have been the most beautiful trip. You arrived well into the afternoon, with a smooth flight with Poe as your pilot soaring you amongst the clouds of the waterfall-filled moon you were sent to. Poe and you were back to being your ridiculous selves with each other, making the job of not falling anymore for him harder.

You laughed together at Poe’s dumb comments and jokes about being your bodyguard, walking side by side along the streets lined up with stone walls that paved the way to your secret meeting. “I need you to stop looking at me, ma'am, you can’t be distracting your security guy on times like this.” He faked a deep, serious voice, failing miserably at it since his lips kept turning upwards at the sound of your laughter.

“Shut your mouth, Dameron.” You rolled your eyes, but in all honesty, you couldn’t stop looking at him. You had to lay low for the meeting, no uniforms or clothes that could give away who you were, and Poe’s choice of clothing had you mesmerized since the moment you saw him before take-off; with his hair pushed back and his relaxed white shirt that hung loosely from his shoulders while still showing the built frame that the pilot suit usually hid, you were having a hard time to focus on what had to be done. Not that it was any easy for him either, since what you had modestly called a disguise happened to show your body in a way that was giving Poe a hard time to even turn the engine of the ship on.

Sure, you were there to see a potential spy and anyone could come around the corner and attack you, but for a few hours you felt like you could forget about all that; for a few hours, it didn’t seem like you were falling in love in the middle of a war.

Meeting the spy was anything a meeting with a spy could be, or so you thought, since you had never done it by yourself before. As soon as you reached the cantina he mentioned you spotted the guy, immediately tensing as a sharp breath came in through your nose. The realization of why you were there came upon you then, when you saw the blaster hanging so freely by the guy’s hip. Thank the Maker your mother insisted on sending Poe with you, who so gently reached for your hand and squeezed it gently. “I’ll be right beside you, I got you” he whispered, nudging his head towards where he was already holding his blaster by his hips.

You were spotted and greeted with an acknowledging head tilt and a hand urging you to reach the table. “I was expecting the General, not some kid and a flyboy playing war.” His voice was a whisper, yet you could still hear the raspiness of it, one that came with the age his graying hair and experienced eyes showed. 

“The General has more important matters than meeting a self-acclaimed spy.” Your reply made Poe hide a proud smile with a bite on his own cheek.

“You talk just like her.” He asked, knowing quite well who you were. “Little Solo, aren’t you?”

“Are you giving us what we came for or should we just tell the General we wasted our time?”

“No!” He said in an instant. “I can’t say much, but everything you need to know is here,” he placed a drive on the table that Poe quickly went for, examining it before putting it in his pocket. 

“What’s in it?” Poe asked urgently.

“Mission logs. Everything you need to know about their locations, positions, and next attacks.” He stood up then, looking at both you and Poe with the surprised look on your faces.

“How do we know you are trustworthy?” You did your best to read him, but he gave no sign of being either on your side or on the other guys’. 

“Who would be crazy enough to meet the Resistance, anyway?” And with that, he walked away.

“Well, that was fast,” Poe spoke first, signaling the waiter for a couple of drinks not before putting the drive safely kept in one of BB-8’s compartments. 

“This better be real,” You couldn’t shake the nerves away from your body, only then realizing how risky everything could have been. Who knew, maybe you were distracted by your security after all. “What if this is a fake thing? Or a drive that will read into all of our files and all our missions and-”

“Hey, sweetheart,” Poe’s hand reached yours on top of the table, but even without the touch, the way he interrupted your dooming thoughts so sweetly, calling out for you in that way he hadn’t done before, was enough for you to land on your feet again. “It’s all going to be okay, we’ll check it before giving this to the General, ‘kay?”

You nodded, that’s all you could do, since words had left your brain for a good minute already. If his words weren’t enough before, Poe smiled at you reassuring you everything was going to be alright. And how could it not with Poe by your side?

After one more comforting hand squeeze from Poe, he leaned back, taking his surroundings in as you took the chance to admire the view before you, it was not every day that you got a relaxed, loose-curl Poe all for yourself. “Let’s get drunk, what do you say?”

“Huh?” His proposal caught you by surprise, you were too busy thinking of… other things.

“We’re already here, the night is young, and that was stressing enough.” 

You laughed at his words, murmuring a so-not-convincing “You are terrible, Poe,” covering your face long enough to not see the way he lit up at your giggles. His mission was accomplished. “Alright Commander, let’s get drunk.”

A couple more drinks flowed for each one of you, enough for both of you to be comfortably tipsy, laughing, and living that night without a care in the world. Poe was in the middle of recounting a ridiculous story about Snap, something involving his ship becoming the nest of a family of tiny rodents on their last trip to Endor and him being terrified of them, when you realized how drunk you both actually were, laughing your asses off without really being able to pay enough attention to the story.

“I swear, he kept squirming away and begging me to take them out of his ship,” Poe managed to say in between laughter.

“Oh poor Snap,” You tried having some sympathy for the guy, but in between the alcohol and Poe’s laugh, you really couldn’t feel anything other thing than an exploding amount of happiness. “How come you had never told me that story?”

“It just happened las week,” Poe’s laughter began to die down. “And you were too busy not wanting to talk to me.” He raised his eyebrows at you from behind his glass. You had no words to justify it, not this time, yet your mouth still opened and closed without a sound coming from it. The one thing you were working so hard on not bringing up was laid on the table, displayed for you in the shape of Poe’s whole heart.

“I was not- ugh, I know what it seemed like but I promise it’s not-”

“This is not just me, right? I mean… you feel this too, right?”

“What are you talking about?” You almost believed yourself, asking unknowingly as if your heart wasn’t hammering against your chest all of a sudden.

“You know what I’m talking about.” Poe was so sure about what he was saying you could be mad. But you weren’t, you couldn’t be.

You could keep quiet. You could stand up and leave and never acknowledge your feelings anymore. The thing is, you couldn’t, not when looking at him at base and much less with the stars ant the moon reflecting in his eyes. “It’s not just you, it definitely isn’t.” You stated, simple as that, but the look in his face, hopeful and gloomy all at the same time, told you that you hadn’t answered his question at all. After a sigh, you spoke again. “We can’t, Poe.” 

“Is this why you’ve been avoiding me?” He almost hoped, because that was way much better than any scenario he had played in his head.

“Yeah,” you shrugged, doubtful, not knowing how to tell him. Poe smirked, laughing at the situation you were both in. “I’m sorry, and I’m sorry for lying to you about it yesterday. But this, whatever this is, is something I never felt before.” The tiny smile he sent your way was enough to make you smile too. “Great timing, huh?”

“It’s not the best.” Poe nodded without ever breaking his stare from you.

“When Leia assigned us both, and I knew we were going to be sent away together, I- I knew I would not be able to hide it, but I had to at least try.”

“I know. I-” His own laugh interrupted him, meeting your eyes with a shimmer in them. “I felt the same way.”

You shared a silent smile, taking in the fact that you had both just confessed how bad you had fell and how you couldn’t do much about it.

“I don’t know if I’m brave enough to risk it.” The happiness you had felt mere seconds ago left the table, breaking both your hearts almost instantly. Poe understood, you saw him nodding, but that didn’t meant he agreed with you. “It’s just- It’s hard, Poe, and just imagine us trying to work this out in the middle of a war. There’s so much at stake and-”

“Hey, hey-” He cut you off, grabbing your hand over the table in a soft grasp in the process. “I know.” When he sighed you realized he felt the exact same way. “Let’s just finish this mission, ‘kay? We already have the intel, so let’s enjoy this dinner, get the job done, and when we get back we can continue our own lives forgetting about each other. Deal?” A pained smile painted his face. Poe’s eyes spoke a million words and reflected even more galaxies. You wanted to explore them forever.

No!, you wanted to scream. No deal, no way. How could he even suggest that when he knew damn well it would be a lie to you both? “Deal.” you said against yourself matching his sad smile, thinking of all the possible ways this could have ended if your lives weren’t so complicated.

The inn they had put you at was as lovely as the rest of the town, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to enjoy the night away with an actual bed instead of the hard mattresses you had back at Base. The report of today’s encounter was half-filled on your pad, which was long forgotten on the bed as your eyes got lost in the sight outside your window. Your nails couldn’t resist any more picking and biting, but you couldn’t take Poe’s words out of your mind.

He felt it. He felt it too and there you were like an idiot trying to avoid the most real thing you’ve both ever felt in years. “Fuck it.” you spoke into the silence of your room. You didn’t think twice when you began walking to the door, headed straight to Poe’s room across the hall and set this straight once and for all. You couldn’t ignore your feelings anymore.

But as soon as you opened the door you were met with Poe’s disheveled curls and his uneasy eyes. “Poe.” You greeted surprised, not knowing what else to say, the practiced speech you had planned was nowhere to be found anymore.

“I can’t,” he said firmly. “I can’t go back and live life without you. You have no idea how hard it has been for me too.” You were speechless. When you made up your mind to go and confess your feelings to Poe you never expected this, never expected him to be already at your door with a desperate confession of love. “I think I’m in love with you.” He added when he saw you were not talking. “I’ve been for a while, and I can’t pretend anymore that I’m not, especially when I know that you feel it too.”

He took a step back from your door when he saw you were quiet, muttering a quiet apology, but the lightning bolts you felt on your fingers couldn’t let him walk away.  

“Wait,” Your hand reached for his wrist and stopped him, pulling him to be close to you again, close enough for your chests to press against each other with every quick breath you took. Poe smiled, that stupidly gorgeous smile of his. 

“I’m in love with you too.” You barely finished the sentence when his lips crashed against yours, backing you into your room and closing the door behind him as his lips moved in sync with yours. Tender and soft, just as you had pictured them so many times, they molded perfectly with yours, all while his hands held your back letting yours cling around his neck, up and down his back, around his arms… anywhere they felt like going, making up for all the times you could’ve kissed him and you didn’t. His lips found their way to your neck not long after, making the most beautiful gasp leave your lips. You could feel the smile on the kisses he was peppering all over your neck and jaw, your fingers tangled in his curls to hold him firmly against your skin.

“Poe,” You breathed, and whatever it was you were going to say was cut short when he started kissing your lips again. With expert hands, firm and rough moving along your back, he walked you backward until the back of his knees reached the bed, lowering slowly to let you straddle him. Breathless, you parted your lips and found each other’s eyes. You couldn’t help but laugh, an incredulous laughter that forced you to hide your face in his neck. His fingers turned delicate as he traced circles on your back. If this was what kissing Poe was like, you would’ve kissed him the moment you met him at that bar.

“There’s no going back from this, isn’t it?” 

“There better not be.” Poe shook his head with a lovestruck smile all over his face. Your fingers reached up to trace Poe’s eyebrows, soon your lips replaced them and traced down his face, to that spot in between his eyebrows and the hard edges of his nose that you’ve always loved. Your hands traveled down his chest and began to lift his shirt, there was no hurry in your movements, all you wanted was to enjoy each minute you had together.

“Are you sure?” Poe whispered as you began to lift your own shirt.

Once it reached the floor and your hands were back to each side of his face, you replied with a smile on your face: “With you, I’m always sure.”

The night passed in a blur of soft touches and tangled limbs. Poe took his time, never rushing anything, letting every exploding emotion take over your bodies whenever it arrived, every time it arrived. It was everything you had ever dreamt of and more, it was the man you loved with every bit of your heart loving you back as if both your lives depended on it.

You were still wrapped in each other when the sun came up, the silence of the couple hours of sleep you had filling the room in a quiet haze. “What’s going to happen when we get back?” You broke the silence. “When people find out it’s all going to be a mess. My mom is going to freak out, everyone is going to talk, and the ranks are definitely going to come up…”

Poe turned his head to kiss your forehead as a way to stop your rambling mouth, which for some reason, has happened a lot in the last few hours. “Why don’t we take it slow? With telling everyone, I mean.”

“Sure, because the last 5 hours were definitely us taking it slow.” You commented with sarcasm, making Poe tickle your side. “Are you talking about a secret relationship, Commander Dameron?” Resting your chin on his chest you turned up to look at him.

“Maybe.” He met your impressed stare, and as you began to break into a smile he quickly turned around to lay on top of you. “I would want nothing but to scream into the galaxy that I’m madly in love with you,” He squeezed your side, making you squirm. “But for now, just for a while-”

“I know, I know. We should enjoy having this for just us, just for a little while.” You finished, pulling him in to kiss him. “You’re going to have to keep it professional, though.”

“What are you talking about? I’m always professional.” Much in disregard of his own words, his lips started attacking your neck leaving delicious open mouth kisses on it.

“I mean no cute little nicknames, no calling me ‘sweetheart’ in public, no sneaky looks,” Poe whined, writhing his hips against yours as he complained. “Definitely not that.” You whispered that last part, fingers sneaking up to his tangled curls.

“I can behave, sweetheart, if that’s what you’re worried about.” The way he said that, with that love-drunk smile on his face, told you just how much trouble you were in. “Can you?”

You matched his daring smile, quickly thinking and catching him off guard as you pushed him to his back and straddled his hips. “Of course I can.”

You could deal with the rest of the galaxy some other day, because right then there was nowhere you’d rather be than in Poe’s arms. 

🚀✨🚀✨🚀✨🚀✨🚀✨🚀✨🚀✨🚀✨

Thanks for reading! Please reblog and comment if you enjoyed it!

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron fluff #poe dameron x you #poe x you #poe x reader #poe dameron x y/n #poe dameron au #poe dameron fanfiction #poe dameron fanfic #poe dameron fic

[dantesunbreaker]

hey! i love your writing so much :) it’s so week thought out and really true to each character without being stereotypical, i love it. this may be an odd request, but i was wondering if you could head canons for the Papa’s based on Slut! by Taylor Swift? You don’t gotta listen to the song, i just really love the “if they call me a slut, you know it might be worth it for once” theme n like being slutshamed but really is just two people in love. either party can be the “slut” :)

"Slut!" Headcanons

I’m not sure if I responded with how you were expecting anon, but I hope you enjoy them! Also I wrote most of these after working from 6am to 2pm, and then going back to work 11:45pm to 9am the same night with only maybe two hours of sleep in between. So I apologize for any mistakes!

Primo

Of all the Emeritus brothers, Primo would have the least reaction to having a partner with behavior that is perceived as slutty

In all his years, Primo has seen and experienced it all. Why waste time by holding back what the body and mind wants to express?

Encourages you to wear however revealing of outfit as you desire, because Primo would never think to feel jealous of someone else seeing your beauty

Always enjoys your affection, feeling humbled and flattered that you are so openly forward about your attraction and love for him

Doesn’t care for the term slutshaming, because in his eyes there should be no shame in any of that sort of behavior

Primo also does not believe there is no shame when it comes to you, because he knows that the cause is from the love that you feel for each other

Secondo

Of all the Papas, Secondo seems the most well equipped and or has the most experience being with a partner that society would view as being slutty

Being a party animal, he meets a lot of people that would be similarly viewed, and he has been with more than a few

More than happy to let you dress and act however you wish, as long as it is always him you are going home with at the end of the night

If you ever ask if an outfit is too revealing, Secondo will tell you so, but will insist you wear it. Let them see, if only to make them jealous of what they cannot have

Also won’t admit it, but Secondo loves the attention you give him. It keeps him feeling young whenever he is with you

Sometimes if Secondo gets too drunk, he is the one that will act like a slut, especially if you are in a nightclub

There are never any doubts about your love and affection for each other

Terzo

It should go without needing to be said, Terzo is the slut in this scenario

The way that Terzo interacts with Omega on the stage is just a glimpse of how he interacts with you

Is not afraid to throw himself all over you in public, even in situations where he probably should not. Why should he ever hold back his feelings for you?

When you are out in public, Terzo will often make a show of throwing himself at you whenever the opportunity strikes. He loves it when all eyes are on you both

Happily wears the title of slut as if it were a badge of honor, always reminding you that it is all just for you. He is all yours

To everyone in the Ministry, you are both a set of happy love drunk fools

Sometimes however, Omega does have to reign Terzo in a bit to keep him from taking things a bit too far in public. They don’t need Sister Imperator on their case again

Copia

This poor man is so easily flustered, you will have him permanently trying to hide his bright red cheeks beneath his Papal paints

Getting him to admit that he loves seeing you in tight revealing outfits sometimes takes a bit of work, but it is so worth it to see the way he drools over you

Zero issues with other people seeing you in such outfits either, because he would never disrespect you in such a way or treat you as if you were his property. Plus, despite his awkward shyness, Copia is very secure in knowing that at the end of the day it is only him that gets to see you out of such outfits

It is such a foreign concept for Copia for someone to so openly show their attraction and affection for him that sometimes he will get a bit overwhelmed at times. So there may be times you have to dial it back a bit as to not break the old man

But to the same end, Copia is just as eager to similarly display and share his love for you so openly

Actually it is thanks to you that Copia feels the confidence to wear such skin tight lace up trousers, or even how he acts when up on stage

#ghost the band #the band ghost #cardinal copia #papa emeritus iv #papa emeritus x reader #papa emeritus 4 #ghost fanfiction #asks #papa emeritus iii x reader #papa emeritus ii x reader #papa emeritus i x reader #pap emeritus iv x reader #terzo x reader #secondo x reader #copia x reader #primo x reader #headcanons #ghost headcanons #papa emeritus iii #papa emeritus ii #papa emeritus i #terzo #secondo #primo #requests

[yenqa]

NEW ROMANTICS!

synopsis : y/n continuously struggles to contain her growing feelings for her crush (and longtime friend), lee heeseung.

003 : invisible string

wc : 0.6k

"y/n! come down!"

you hurriedly grab your purse, rushing down the stairs to be greeted with heeseung’s shy smile, while your mother is smiling brightly at him.

"you two have grown so much! i remember when you guys where this short in middle school!" she points to her shoulder, you both exchange awkward glances at each other, nodding slightly.

"we’ve got to get going ms. nam! it was nice talking with you," heeseung slightly bows to your mom as you wave goodbye and head to the car.

"you know you don’t have to talk to my mom every time, right? you can just tell me to come out."

he chuckles, a slight rasp in his voice, when he says, "it’s no problem really, plus it’s nice knowing she likes me already."

you nod, giving him a small smile.

your comfortable silence is slightly taken over by the soft guitar strums of a song you recognize immediately.

"since when did you have taylor swift in your playlist?"

he looks over to you, "i didn’t know any songs by her until you introduced me to this song. it’s your favorite song on the album, right?"

your eyes widen slightly, "yeah! it is! how did you know? i didn’t directly tell you did i?"

he shakes his head, "you always hum this song when we’re doing homework together, you also always play it at least twice when we share headphones."

"oh."

heeseung lets out a breathy laugh, putting his full attention to the road.

looking at his small smile and doe eyes you slightly smile. noticing his small head nods to the calming tune.

you turn your head outside the window to see the busy city opposite of the quiet atmosphere in the car. it’s filled with huge buildings, you quickly spot the new book store. it’s light color making it eye catching in between the tinted glass covered buildings.

the inside has a home-y feeling, the shelves slightly taller than you filled the room. though new, it was surprisingly empty, with just a few other parties looking around. rows and rows of book shelves excite you slightly. you grab heeseung’s hand, dragging him to the desired genre.

he happily follows quickly looking at the books before watching you, excitingly talk about the books you’ve already read or want to read.

he doesn’t mind holding the books you’ve been  wanting to buy (in fact he took the initiative to hold them himself).

after your "hundredth" round of looking at the books (said by heeseung but he doesn’t seem to mind one bit), you both decide it’s best to eat dinner then.

the walk is a short five minutes from the bookstore. you both happily agree to katsu-chicken to eat.

you’re quickly sat down to a booth near the window, with a perfect view of the sunset.

"heeseung?" you call, he looks up from his chicken, slightly tilting his head.

"do you even like reading?"

he chokes on his food slightly "not really." he answers, continuing his initial bite.

"then why did you come to the bookstore with me?"

he shrugs, "what? can’t i spend time with the most wondrous person ever?"

it’s obviously a very sarcastic comment, but your heart can’t help but flutter at the words.

"i am pretty wonderful," you answer, and you both laugh at each others antics. finishing the food on your plates.

the drive home is short, with the roads seeming empty because of the dark hours of the night.

he drops you off at your house, with a happy "see you at school!" before driving off, leaving you watching his car grow smaller and smaller as each second passes.

back masterlist next

☆ YENQA < i was going to make the song playing new romantics but i felt like it didnt feel like the right vibe for it (also its too early to reference the title)

taglist : @viyqe @luvistqrzzz @ifearjwn @tinydeerwasteland @enhastolemyheart @wannabeyn @zuyairus @bunnystrm @yeokii @weoris @ghostiiess @haerinsluvr @flwrshee @theskzvibe @viagumi @heesluvrgirl @hoonvrs @kpopstanmeg @harryedwardtris @ixomiyu @txtbrainrot @xrvrqs @haechansbbg @kimipxl @alkjsdfgg

italics = can’t tag!

#new romantics smau 💐!! #heeseung x reader #heeseung x you #heeseung x y/n #heeseung au #heeseung smau #heeseung fluff #heeseung x yn #heeseung drabbles #heeseung scenarios #heeseung fics #enhypen x reader #enhypen x you #enhypen x y/n #enhypen fluff #enhypen smau #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen socmed au #enhypen headcanons #enhypen soft hours #enhypen scenarios #enhypen reactions #enhypen au #enhypen fanfic #jay x reader #sim jake x reader #sunghoon x reader #sunoo x reader #jungwon x reader #niki x reader

[athena-xox]

Eah ships and their Taylor Swift song

Tailor Quick

Dexven - The Archer

I could have said enchanted but that’s a copout. Anyways when I first listened to lover and heard the archer I immediately thought of them. “I cut off my nose, just to spite my face” is so Raven and her relationship with her mom. “I’ve got a hundred thrown up speeches I almost said to you” is also literally dexter. “All of my heroes die all alone” raven mfn queen. I could literally quote any lyric and related it to dexter raven or their relationship.

Dizzie - King Of My Heart

You know how in songs people don’t say normal things? And how they say like metaphors, rhymes and weird extra or missing words? That’s literally riddlish. And komh feels very Lizzie coded. And the title speaks for itself.

Dappling - Paper Rings

I also thought this immediately when I heard the song that it was very much apple and Darling. The fact that paper rings literally says darling in it… The archer is from both raven/dexters perspectives but paper rings is specifically Apples perspective of Darling. “I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this” I rest my case.

Bribelle - Don’t Blame Me alternatively I Can See You

I literally don’t have to say anything. For either song.

Huntlynn - Love Story

Forbidden love. Sneaking out to a garden is so Huntlynn coded. Just like the visuals of it all>>

Heartlockes - You Are In Love or “Slut!”

And historians will call them roommates. “One night he wakes, strange look on his face, pauses then says, you’re my best friend. And you knew what it was, he is in love” but like replace he with she. My fav friends to lovers. Unrelated but I was so shocked when I found out so many people hate Blondie. Also I could see this song from either perspective. And with slut it’s basically the same song just sm more aesthetic and well I feel like people would probably call Cupid a slut (my poor baby) because god (fairygod? Narrative? Gods? Grimm?) Forbid a goddess of love talk about… love.

Farrahlynn - tolerate it

Istg they need a better ship name. But no one ships them !! *Sighs* I see them as tragic unrequited in love with your childhood best friend who has a boyfriend and is now popular. Literally any song off of evermore fits them. I want more people to ship them!! If I had to give a happy (ish) song I’d say snow on the beach.

Dexpid - Foolish One

I like to forget Cupid ever had a crush on dexter. But if I had to acknowledge it it’s fs foolish one.

Bunnistair - Wonderland

I mean we knew it was coming. Also wtf is their ship name. Going with my personal hc (aka my canon ‘rearrangement’) I like to think that Alistair wasn’t also a wonderlandian and that he found wonderland (lmao Chissy Columbus) after Lizzie, Kitty, Maddie, Hatter and the White Queen had already left. And like he fulfilled his whole destiny literally missing the mad hatter, Cheshire Cat, and Queen of hearts. And that he lowkey went insane there.

Crystlynn - Forever Winter

More of athena rearranging canon; evil crystal!! And like basically the snow queen and crystal (snow king erasure bc what was the point in making him be the one who goes all crazy instead of the literal snow queen) purposefully mad it winter forever because they’re villain (Jackie Frost and Northwind erasure because they’re fucking useless and annoying). But like Crystal deep inside doesn’t want to be a villain and Ashlynn slowly starts melting (haha) her cold exterior. But then Crystals like sike and that’s when this song takes place. (I beg people to start shipping Ash/Crystal and Ash/Farrah more)

#yes I made rep purple #it just have purple vibes #huntlynn could also be dwoht #heartlockes could also be dress #but that would be too much for an album without a colour #reputation #rep #lover taylor swift #speak now #1989 tv #evermore #taylor swift #swifties #raven queen #dexter charming #apple white #darling charming #daring charming #lizzie hearts #blondie lockes #ca cupid #ashlynn ella #farrah goodfairy #briar beauty #faybelle thorn #dizzie #eah #ever after high #Tailor quick #quickian

[slytherheign]

FEARLESS | tasm!peter parker

PAIRING: high school senior!tasm!peter parker x high school senior!fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 4.5k

SUMMARY: loving peter in secret for far too long becomes exhausting for you when you think he will never love you back. in order to distract yourself from your growing feelings, you start to follow a friend’s suggestion—not knowing that it will only cause you harm.

WARNINGS: cursing/swearing, manipulation, fire, unhealthy obsession/toxic ex, and canon-typical violence. let me know if i missed any warnings. [⚠︎︎RATING: 16+]

AUTHOR’S NOTE: inspired by taylor swift’s song with the same title + i mixed it with a plot from this request sent by @willowhaired (thanks for requesting! hope it’s okay that i didn’t follow some things in your request. i changed some parts in order to match with taylor’s song). btw, this is angst with happy ending. enjoy reading!

DESTINATION: Sweet Street | GO BACK TO THE STATION. CLICK HERE FOR ALL THINGS FEARLESS (reviews, commentary, etc. about this fic).

“Class dismissed!” you heard your teacher announce. The rain that was pouring down outside was heavy and your eyes widened when you realized that you forgot to bring an umbrella. Your seatmate, Peter Parker, who just happened to be your neighbor and your biggest crush, turned to look at you. He seemed to notice the slight panic in your eyes. “Come with me,” he offered.

“Really?” you asked.

“Well, I have an umbrella and a car. You don’t…” he paused. “Unless you want to walk in the rain by yourself. It’s your choice,” he teased. 

“Oh no–please,” you laughed. “I’ll go with you.”

“Come on then,” he said, putting your notebooks in your bag and then picking it up before he stood up. There he was again, being the gentleman that he was, doing the exact same things that made you fall in love with him. 

You and Peter weren’t best friends, but you two were close. Being neighbors since you were children played a huge part in that. You would never tell him, but he was actually your first crush. The first boy who made your heart jump since then and until now. When you were 6 years old, you told him you loved him while you two were playing, you were too young to know the deep meaning of the word “love” back then. In response, he told you that he loved you too because you were like a little sister he never had.

You remembered that response as you grew up, always reminding yourself that he would never love you back in the same way you loved him. And because you were too scared to risk and lose the relationship you two had, you were fine with being his little sister as long as it meant getting to be close to him.

It hurt you. Being close to him but never close enough to touch him in the ways you wanted to. You have seen him get in and out of relationships, let him cry on your shoulders when someone broke his heart. You have always been there through ups and downs, offering advice to him for his relationships to work. Little did he know, your heart shattered each and every time.

You had a couple of ex-boyfriends, both of them breaking up with you before the relationship could even last a year. One of those men was Harry Osborn, who just happened to be Peter’s best friend. You were sad, of course, but it was probably better because you knew that you couldn’t give your all to those relationships. You tried to find Peter in those men you dated, and it was probably why those relationships didn’t work out. 

Peter opened the umbrella in one hand while his other carried your bag; his bag was on his back. He made a gesture for you to come closer and you did. The rain was harsh but you paid it no mind, there was a glow off the pavement as he walked you to the car. He opened the door for you when he reached the car, and you went in immediately.

The close distance between the two of you and the confined space of the car made the smell of him strongly enter your senses. The sensation of his presence made the hair on your skin stand up unsolicitedly. As you drove down the road, you wondered if he knew just how you were trying so hard not to get caught up with your feelings and just kiss him. He was just so cool, he didn’t even realize how he absentmindedly made you want him when he ran his hands through his hair. God, how could a man be this beautiful?

It could get better than this, you knew that. It could get better than you longing for him behind the curtains. But you were terrified. You were deeply in love with him, but you could never imagine him loving you back. 

After that rainy day, Peter offered to drive you home from school daily. You were hesitant, scared that the more time you’d spend with him, the more you’d hurt your heart. But before you could say no, your mouth muttered the opposite of what you wanted to say. You agreed.

You wished for more than the road trips, but for now, you would settle for the slow drives from the school to your home, capturing and remembering every moment you were in his passenger seat.

You knew you could always tell him what you truly felt, but it was always a matter of fear.

If there was one thing Peter knew about his enemies, it was that they always come for the ones he loved the most. That was why he didn’t tell anyone yet that he was in love with you. The only person who knew except himself was his best friend, Harry. He liked to believe that no secrets existed between the two of them. They were inseparable since the first year of high school when they first met each other. Right now, they were seniors and everything remained the same.

He could not be any more wrong. See, Harry was madly in love with you. When you dated him, he felt like the happiest man in the world but he always noticed that you loved another man. And when he saw the way you looked at Peter, he knew. He made plans in secret to hurt the two of you. If he couldn’t have you, then Peter couldn’t have you either.

For a while, he was skeptical of his plan. He didn’t want to do it anymore. He loved you and Peter was his best friend, he didn’t want to continue his plan any longer. Besides, the only thing he knew was that you were in love with Peter, his best friend probably didn’t feel the same towards you…

But then Peter decided to tell him that he was in love with you, and… well, that made him angry. 

He decided his plan would continue.

You remained friends with Harry even after breaking up with him. The breakup was mutual and there were no hard feelings. Just yesterday, he made a joke that you have been single for a long time and that you should download a dating app. You disagreed immediately, telling him that you were never a fan of dating apps. But then he said something that changed your mind.

“You should at least try. Surely, you can’t wait for that person forever?” 

He definitely knew you were in love with his best friend. And with the tone in his voice when he said that suggestion, it made you think that Peter didn’t feel the same. If there was someone who would know if Peter was in love with someone, it would be Harry. You knew they never kept secrets from each other. 

So you did what he suggested. You downloaded a dating app, and in an instant, you were already matched with someone named Nick. You talked to him for months, pretending to be interested in every conversation he tried to start. Nick was nice, you shared a few hobbies and interests but he wasn’t Peter. It was hard to find someone when the only one your heart wanted was Peter. 

And then Nick asked to meet up with you. You didn’t want to. You told Harry about it and he said to give it a go. “If you never try, you never know, right? Just wear your best dress and imagine it was Peter,” he advised. You smiled in return, before texting Nick to accept his offer.

A week prior to your meetup, you found yourself constantly texting Nick, just talking about each other’s lives casually.

Can’t wait to see you next week 😉

You chuckled a little bit as you entered Peter’s car. Another school day has ended. Peter entered the car next. You put your phone in your lap as you adjusted your seatbelt.

Just wear your best dress, and I’ll take care of the rest ❤️

Unbeknownst to you, Peter got a glimpse of your text messages. He felt his mood change in an instant, but he tried not to show it to you. However, it was very obvious because he did not talk to you for the whole ride home. He would glance at you every once and a while but you were too busy exchanging messages with Nick on your phone to notice. 

“We’re here,” he said with no enthusiasm in his voice. He got out of the car before making his way to your side and opening the door for you. You quickly shut your phone off and got out of the car. “Thank you,” you smiled at him but he just nodded. He didn’t even look into your eyes. Maybe he was just having a bad day, you thought.

You knew something was off when he didn’t walk you up to your door. “Pete, is everything okay?” you asked.

“Huh? uh–yeah. Just having a bad day. Don’t wanna talk about it,” he answered simply.

“Oh okay…” you proceeded to go into your house. Something inside you wanted to go back to him but you stopped yourself before you could even run to where he was standing and hug him right there. He didn’t want to talk about it, he probably wanted to be alone at the moment.

“Thank you!” you yelled, smiling as you waved him goodbye from the door of your house. Peter met your eyes for the first time that day, he smiled a little before waving in return. He left as soon as you closed the door.

“How’s your day?” your mom asked you the moment you closed the door. “All fine,” you smiled, walking towards her before hugging her. “That was Peter again, right? What’s going on between you two?” she teased. You didn’t answer, and instead ran up the stairs and went straight to your room. Your mother laughed at your reaction.

You locked your room and changed into a more comfortable outfit. You repeated your mother’s question in your head as you sat on your bed. What really was going on between you and Peter? To be honest, you didn’t know. You still loved him. Your heart still called his name. Nick was just a distraction—a distraction you hoped would be enough to stop your growing feelings towards Peter.

Suddenly, a notification popped on your phone. A new message from Nick and Harry. You first opened Nick’s message, it was just the location for your meetup next week. The next one you opened was Harry’s.

Did Nick send you an address yet for next week? Can you update me?

You quickly typed a reply.

What a coincidence. He actually just sent me the address but it’s unfamiliar to me. Why do you want to know?

You saw the three dots on your phone that told you he was typing. It stopped for a long while, it was almost like he was contemplating what he was going to send. The dots showed up again after some time until he sent a message.

I think I know where that address is. Should I take you there?

He didn’t answer your question. Nonetheless, you were glad for his offer.

Really, you would do that? Thank you! ❤️

A WEEK LATER.

Peter was doing what he always did, sitting on a rooftop ledge as Spider-Man, looking at the city as he waited for someone who needed his help. Everything was peaceful for a while, it was just him, the wind, and the buzzing noises from cars and people. His eyes caught something familiar. A car heading into a part of New York where not many people went. It didn’t take him a long time to realize that it was Harry’s car. He swung quietly through buildings, settling on one where he could see the car more properly. 

There you were, sitting in the passenger seat of a car heading into an almost abandoned part of the town. His senses immediately alerted him of danger. He watched as the car stopped in front of an abandoned house. He saw Harry guiding you into the house and he sneakily entered it from one of the windows. He settled behind a table, a place where he could observe you without you noticing.

You were wearing a black dress that highlighted the shape of your body. You already were beautiful for him, but seeing you in that dress made him aware that you were the most beautiful girl in the world. He could spend his day just staring lovingly at you if it wasn’t for the current situation. 

He saw the confusion on your face as you looked around the empty building. It was then the moment Peter realized that today was the day you were meeting up with Nick. The only problem was Nick wasn’t here and it was just an empty building, and he could tell by the look of your face that you were close to panicking. 

Just as Peter started to stand up and walk towards you, Harry entered the building with a wide smirk plastered on his face. Peter quickly returned to his hiding position.

You pulled out your phone from your purse and called the number Nick gave you. At the exact same time, you heard someone’s phone ringing in the building. You turned to where the sound was. It came from Harry, he was laughing. And then he showed you a phone in his hand with your name on it as the caller. You ended the phone call, and the ringing on Harry’s phone also stopped.

“Harry, what’s going on?” you started to take a few steps back. “Where’s Nick?”

“There’s no Nick,” he admitted, a sly smile showing on his face. “I made it all up.”

“But–why?” you were starting to tear up. This place was not familiar to you. The more you looked around, the more you realized that escaping was not an option. There was one open window but it was far from your position. There was also a huge fallen table blocking it.

Peter stood up from his position and silently moved closer to where you were. He took advantage of the shadows and his spider-like abilities to move without having any of you notice it. Suddenly, he felt his foot touch a liquid substance. It was gasoline, it came from a hose that was close to his hiding spot. His eyes tried to trace where the hose came from but his spot gave him a limited view. He knew it was from outside the house but he didn’t know exactly where.   

In just seconds, the house smelled like gasoline, and the floor was flooded with it. Apparently, the hose that Peter discovered wasn’t the only one. There were a lot scattered around the house and they released the liquid substance at the same time.

“Do you smell that?” Harry snickered. “I know you do. It’s pretty cool, isn’t it? I planned this all by myself. I even installed the hoses.”

“Harry, what the fuck are you doing?” you questioned.

“Taking back what’s mine,” he replied. “I love you, Y/N. I never stopped.”

He stepped closer. “Take me back. Be with me again,” he demanded.

“You’re fucking insane. Get away from me.”

“And if I don’t want to?” he mockingly asked.

“Harry–stop. Please. We’re still friends, right? W-we can still be f-friends,” you shakingly tried to reason out. He only shook his head. 

“Say you love me and you can still leave this house breathing,” he warned.

“Harry–”

“Say it.”

You shook your head, frustrated tears were coming out of your eyes.

“Say. It.”

“No–” you whispered.

“No?” he asked.

“No,” you answered sternly. You would rather die than spend your life stuck with him.

“Then you leave me with no choice but to–” he pulled out a lighter from his jacket. Your eyes widened. 

Someone from the shadows shot out a web to Harry’s hand, preventing him to move his hand and light the object he held. Spider-Man soon stepped out of the shadows. “Get out, Y/N,” you heard Spider-Man demand you and you instantly ran straight to the door. You didn’t even dare to question how he knew your name.

The door was locked as expected. While Spider-Man and Harry fought, you tried to look around for something that would help you destroy the handle. Your eyes caught a crowbar covered in gasoline laying on the floor close to a wall. You made your way to it cautiously, careful not to let yourself get caught up with Harry and Spider-Man. For a moment, you saw the lighter escape Harry’s hand as Spider-Man punched his face but your focus was on the crowbar so you just let them deal with themselves.

You did your best to hit the door forcefully with the tool when you returned, but it was hard to break since the crowbar was covered in gasoline which made it slip from your hand almost every time. All of a sudden, Harry was able to retrieve the lighter and flicked it. As soon as the fire showed itself, he threw it on the floor.

The next thing you knew, the house was on fire and smoke filled the air. It was getting hard to breathe, even Harry was coughing weakly. You tried to shift your attention to the door again. This time, trying even harder to open it. You kicked, threw your body weight on it, and hit it with the crowbar again, but it only managed to do little to the door. 

When the smoke increasingly spread in the house, Spider-Man felt that his mask was suffocating him. To be able to breathe more properly, Peter decided to remove the mask from his face. He wasn’t worried about showing his face, Harry was already passed out, and you were busy breaking down the door. Besides, he was already planning on telling you he was Spider-Man some of these days, he might as well do it now.

After a more few tries, you eventually managed to break the door handle and kick the door open. You were about to call Spider-Man to alert him but the words got stuck in your throat upon seeing his face.

Peter looked up as he felt you staring at him. “Get out of here, Y/N!” he yelled.

It seemed that your feet were stuck on the floor and your mind stopped making rational decisions because you stayed there in shock. “Peter?” you spoke.

“Y/N, GET OUT! LEAVE!” he yelled again. His voice made you jump and you instantly followed his demand. You left the house still thinking of him. You were already starting to walk to your house when your heart ached out of being worried for Peter. “Fuck it,” you whispered under your breath. You turned back, making your way back to the burning house. You called the authorities on the way.

Peter was still inside when you returned. You squinted your eyes, hoping to see more of him through the fire. He was carrying Harry, trying to get him out of the house but he was struggling because of the fire that surrounded him. 

This was the part where the brain fought with the heart. Your mind was pleading for you to go home, save yourself, and get a good night’s sleep. But your heart insisted on staying, helping Peter, and putting yourself in danger.

Your heart only needed to softly whisper Peter’s name, and you were already all in.  

And so, you entered the house fearlessly.

You used your arms to cover your head from the falling debris as you made your way to Peter. His eyes did a double take as soon as he saw you. “What the fuck are you doing here? Didn’t I tell you to leave?!” he questioned, worry and stress showing through his voice.

You ignored his questions and instead insisted on helping him carry Harry out of the house. You were both silent even after the job was done. For a while, it was just you, Peter, a passed-out Harry, the house that was on fire, and the sky that decided to rain.

After a few minutes, you heard the sirens that alerted you that the authorities were arriving at the scene. Peter looked at you as if to ask if you called them, and you nodded in response. He put on his mask again.

You watched as the firemen dealt with the burning house. Peter, now back to being Spider-Man, talked with the authorities about Harry and what happened. Harry was still passed out and being carried to an ambulance that would direct him to the hospital to get treated before he would face the consequences of his actions. As for you, you sat in the ambulance getting checked by the medics. You didn’t have any major injuries, just minor ones. When they offered to get you to the hospital just to be sure, you politely declined them and insisted on staying with Spider-Man.

It was as if the universe decided to help with the burning house because the rain decided to turn into a storm. You found a bench close to the house for you to sit on. The storm was getting harsher, but you refused to leave the place without Peter. You just crossed your arms to cope with the growing cold the wind delivered.

After waiting for a few more moments, the house wasn’t on fire anymore and the authorities left the scene for the day. As soon as they left, Peter removed the mask and walked towards the bench you were silently sitting on. “I would offer you a coat, but I don’t have one,” he stopped in front of you. 

You looked up at him, standing up so you could look at him properly. “You okay?” you asked, noticing a few bruises on his face. “Yeah,” he nodded. “Are you?” he asked softly.

“I’m fine… still kind of shocked though. Didn’t expect my day to turn out like this,” you told him.

“Why were you using a dating app in the first place?” he asked jokingly.

You knew he was only teasing, but his question struck a nerve in you. To forget you, you wanted to say. Sorry for the mess, I only wanted to fucking forget you. Sorry for trying to move on. Sorry because I fucking love you.        

Instead, you answered with another question. “Why didn’t you fucking tell me you’re Spider-Man?” your voice raised unintentionally.

His eyebrows furrowed with the tone of your voice. He tried to get closer to you but you stepped back, rolling your eyes. “Why is your ex fucking insane?!” he matched your attitude.

You scoffed. “Why is your best friend fucking insane?!”

“I–stop. Y/N,” he said softly. He realized from the way you were shaking that you were probably stressed and traumatized because of what happened. His suspicions were confirmed when you suddenly broke down crying. He instantly covered your fragile body with his frame. He hugged you tightly, letting you sob all the stress and frustration away. It was still storming, but none of you cared. 

“Shhh,” Peter cooed. When your crying stopped, he held your face with his hands. “Why did you go back?” he asked, looking into your eyes.

“Because I wanted to help you,” you answered.

“And? I know that’s not the only reason you did it.”

You debated on whether to tell him the truth or lie your way out of the conversation. But after the stunt you pulled earlier, you knew Peter wasn’t stupid and would realize the truth sooner.

“Because I care for you. In ways I cannot describe,” you answered truthfully.

“Why do you care for me?” he asked.

“Peter…”

“I need you to say it,” he whispered close to your face. Your nose was close to touching his.

“I won’t because I know you don’t feel the same,” you closed your eyes.

“Open your eyes.”

You opened your eyes.

“Look at me.”

You did what he said.

“Say it.”

It was time to tell him, without fear.

“I love you.”

Peter smiled, before pulling your face closer to him and kissing you hard. Your eyes widened, not expecting him to kiss you. All along, you thought your love was one-sided, but the kiss you were sharing right now proved otherwise. It was your first kiss with him and it was flawless. You closed your eyes and deepened the kiss, you only pulled away when you needed to catch your breath.

“How are you feeling right now?” he smirked. “Did I kiss all your worries away?” he teased.

“I don’t think there’s a word that could do justice to what I’m feeling right now,” you chuckled. “I’m so happy–I feel like my heart is dancing. I could dance right now.”

“Really?” he asked, a clever smile showing up on his face. Suddenly, he offered a hand in front of you. “May I ask you for a dance?”

You accepted his offer. The only music was the storm as it loudly poured on the pavement, but none of you minded it. You swayed with him, giggling as you stared fondly at each other. 

You were wearing your best dress, dancing with Peter in a harsh cruel storm, taking each other’s hands as you both drag yourselves head first into your lives and hearts. To be honest, you didn’t how it would get better than this.  

“Can I tell you something, Y/N?” he asked, gracefully turning you.

“Of course,” you smiled.

“My heart races for you so fast that I just need to let this out–I love you. I love you so much. I want to spend every day with you. When you’re sad, I want to be the one you run to. When you’re happy, I want to be the reason why. When you’re sick, I want to be the one who takes care of you. When you’re in trouble, I want to be the one who saves you.”

You stroked his cheek lovingly. “I love you too, Peter. I’ve admired you ever since we were children and up until now. When I think of my future and who I want to spend it with–it’s you. It’s always been you. I’m afraid of rejection, that was why I didn’t tell you the moment I knew I have feelings for you. I was always scared that you would turn me down. That’s why all these years I chose to love you behind your back. But now… now that all’s been said and done, I’m not afraid anymore. If what you’re asking me is to enter your life as your partner, then I’ll do it fearlessly.”

He turned you one last time, before putting a hand on your back and on the back of your thigh, gently bending you backwards so he could kiss you deeply once again. Each time he pulled you in his arms, you got a little more brave. As it turned out, all it took for your heart to not be fearful was Peter.

Love really was fearless.

SLYTHERHEIGN TAGLIST: @writingstoraes @joshiiieeenesx

TASM!PETER PARKER TAGLIST: @mymilkducts @i-am-woman-strong @lauraneedstochill @jeanettexkillian @ms-mandalore @enaraism @alessandralol @sad-darksoul @sincericida @mentallystablepotato @mich0731 @logolepsic-insomniac @k0miiki @dreamsarecloserwithyou @jumilzzz @primroseparker @preciousbabypeter @myheartonthemove @rebecca-johnson-28 @silkholland @ellievickstar @okkulta @geekygamerchick @starqwerty20 ​ @the-quiet-observer @softiepeterpan @willowhaired @sflame15-blog @pompeygirl89 @remuslupinsdocs

#tasm!peter x reader #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #tasm!peter parker #tasm peter parker x reader #tasm peter x you #peter parker imagine #peter parker fan fiction #peter parker fanfic #peter parker angst #peter parker fluff #tasm peter parker angst #tasm peter parker fluff #spiderman angst #spiderman fluff #spiderman imagine #spiderman x reader #peter parker x y/n #spiderman x y/n #andrew garfield x reader #spiderman #peter parker #marvel #andrew garfield!peter parker x you #andrew garfield fanfiction #the amazing spiderman #andrew garfield #fearless: the fic #tasm!peter parker x reader #rheignwrites: sweet street

[audinosaur]

aoba johsai <3 lover

hi here’s some songs from taylor swift’s lover album that i think match each seijoh pairing :)) 

iwaoi <3 lover

i mean c’mon

it’s IWAOI ofc they get the title track

“and you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me / and at every table, i’ll save you a seat” 

AHSJDJ it’s them !! they don’t even have to say anything, if there’s a chair open next to iwa/oiks, everyone automatically knows who it’s unofficially reserved for

“and i’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you”

^ i think this covers both oikawa’s natural jealousy as well as how iwaizumi’s watched time after time again as countless amounts of people crush on his tooru

just the term “lover” for them. i think it’s the word they’d use in the timeskip when describing their “secret relationship” during interviews, it reveals as little as possible about the “mystery person” while still properly communicating just how important they are :)

matsuhana <3 it’s nice to have a friend

makki and mattsun genuinely have no fucking clue how they got together, they just sorta slowly shifted from being friends and doing friend things to doing boyfriend things and being boyfriends

bc of this they just picked a random ass day as their anniversary and just rolled w it

matsuhana’s so interesting to me because they’re friends to lovers like iwaoi/kinkuni yet each of them is a different FLAVOR of friends to lovers that i can’t quite explain but i love em

“something gave you the nerve / to touch my hand”

THEY!! YES! doing all their coupley shit all the while saying “it’s nice to have a friend” even though they both realize it’s faded into something much more

“twenty questions, we tell the truth” idk they just seem like they’ve never lied to each other before bc they’ve never had any reason to hide what they’re feeling

kyouhaba <3 afterglow

*deep inhale* OKAY there’s a LOT !

it should be noted that literally so fucking many of the other songs fit them but i want something slightly kinda happy pls :’)

i really love this song and it’s portrayal of arguing w your loved one and then taking the time afterwards to apologize and take accountability 

and there are so so many kyouhaba fics where they fight and then make amends (although i still think there should be even MORE)

i just love them having so many feelings and not enough ways to deal w them and the vulnerability when they own up to their mistakes and AAHHHHHHHH

“i don’t wanna do this to you / i don’t wanna lose this with you” and “hey, it’s all me, just don’t go” 

(^ examples of them being VULNERABLE AND OPEN)

also “tell me that you’re still mine / tell me that we’ll be just fine / even when i lose my mind”

i am normal about them! (lie)

side note i like how when perusing the seijoh couples gallery you just see “childhood friends to lovers!”, “best friends to lovers!”, “pals to lovers!”, then you turn the corner and see the most aggressive, tension-fueled enemies(?) to lovers pairing you’ve ever seen for no goddamn rhyme or reason

kinkuni <3 paper rings 

paper rings has a childlike whimsy that suits kindaichi & kunimi’s relationship perfectly 

half of the lyrics seem like things kindaichi would say to kunimi w full earnesty too

“i’m with you even if it makes me blue” and “wrap your arms around me, baby boy” !!!

(kunimi calls it “corny”, kindaichi calls it “romantic”, both with dumbass, lovestruck smiles on their faces)

“i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this” is 100% kunimi though, he doesn’t like surprises and events that require him to exert extra effort, but for kindaichi? he’s more than okay with it

the whole song is just so sugary sweet and shamelessly adorable and at the end of the day that’s what kinkuni is! (at least behind closed doors, bc they get embarrassed sometimes)

and bc i can’t leave my boy out, it should be noted that watari shinji is a red man to his very CORE. you bet your ass on his twenty-second birthday he was blasting 22 like his life depends on it

#seijoh #aoba johsai #oikawa tooru #iwaizumi hajime #iwaoi #hanamaki takahiro #matsukawa issei #matsuhana #yahaba shigeru #kyoutani kentarou #kyouhaba #kindaichi yuutarou #kunimi akira #kinkuni #watari shinji #RAAAAHHHH !!!!

[moonlightdancer26]

My predicted ratings of Taylor Swift’s songs in her upcoming album The Tortured Poets Department:

(hey, so basically to anyone who isn’t a Swiftie, this post is gonna make zero sense to you so just ignore this lol)

1. Fortnight — 5/10, I genuinely don’t think I’ll like it, maybe it’s bc the AI version on tiktok isn’t my style at ALL and kinda ruined it for me. Plus the title doesn’t stick out at all and I’m so sad that this song is track 1, esp considering her most recent album Midnights had an iconic opening track.

2. The Tortured Poets Department — 8/10, I always LOVE her title tracks and I’m so excited for this one.

3. My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys — 7/10, the title doesn’t really stick out to me but I feel like it’s gonna end up being an amazingly catchy song. Negative points for the easy rhyme. (“boy” “toy”)

4. Down Bad — 10/10, I’M CLAIMING THIS SONG IDC IDC, I HAVE SUCH HIGH HOPES

5. So Long, London — 10/10, I’m actually terrified to listen to this song bc not only is it TRACK FIVE, but I know for a fact that I’ll sob. I’M SO EXCITED AND SCARED.

6. But Daddy I Love Him — 5/10, not too bad not too good, love the Little Mermaid reference but idk something tells me that I won’t vibe with this song

7. Fresh out the Slammer — 6.5/10, the title’s interesting and I have no idea what to expect

8. Florida!!! — 4/10, hate to say it but I feel like this might be my least favourite

9. Guilty as Sin? — 10/10, ALSO CLAIMING THIS SONG, I’m so excited for this omgg

10. Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? — 6/10, I feel like the lyrics are gonna be similar to her song Anti-Hero, which makes me super happy, but I’m deducting points for the painfully corny title.

11. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) — 9/10 for relatability reasons. Like damn Taylor thanks for calling me out. But also there’s a SLIGHT possibility that this song is about M*tty Healy and I am simply very concerned about that.

12. loml — 7.5/10, I just KNOW it isn’t just gonna stand for “love of my life.” Taylor’s too much of a genius to use that abbreviation for its common meaning.

13. I Can Do It With A Broken Heart — 7.5/10, -2.5 points for the corny title, but I do expect to cry when I hear this song, and well, who doesn’t love songs that make you want to rip your hair out?

14. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived — 9/10, I saw someone on tiktok say there’s a correlation between this and the story of Rumpelstiltskin and it blew my mind. I have high hopes for this

15. The Alchemy — 9/10, manifesting that this sounds like The Archer and has parallels to Invisible string (“a single thread of gold tied me to you”) 🙏🏼🙏🏼

16. Clara Bow — 9/10, I just know this song is gonna be interesting and addicting as hell

On April 19, I’ll reblog this post after I listen to the full album and I’ll confirm or deny these predicted ratings. If anyone wants to join in on this, go ahead!

#i saw swifties doing this on tiktok so why not jump on the bandwagon #taylor swift #the tortured poets department #to my non-swiftie followers: *whispers* it’s ok.. just scroll past.. you didn’t see anything..

[sips-tea-cutely]

Everything I know about ‘Love’

WOAHHH GUESS WHO 😓😓😓😓 i came back from my rotting in bangtan jail they are like gorgeous as im typing this kim taehyung is dragging me by the leg with those visuals ughhh actuallyi should be showering rn bcus my extended family is having a fathers day celeb and those shrimps arr good as helll gotta grt like 13 and also my cousin wants to bring me and some of our others on a cruise hes so nice right 😻😻😻

OH BUT THE TITLE!!! so i have not actually listened to laufeys album im a fake fan i only listened rn to val, beautiful stranger, LYBMHA and from the start and i am so bored of my happy crush playlist like she keeps sending me kisses and then she sent me a screenshot of her listening to how you get the girl by taylor swift like do i kiss her or do i type the lyrics so this is my entering into the laufey fandom

by like… listening to every song and thinking of a cute boy bcus one has been stuck in my head forever 🤭🤭 (kaveh, hes my new obsession.)

Fragile - Kaveh

“Will you let me come closer to you?”

Beautiful Stranger - Kim Namjoon

“Beautiful stranger sitting right there”

Valentine - Osamu Dazai

“I’ve rejected affection for years and years…”

Above the Chinese Restaurant - Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

“I still freeze when I look at these faded photographs…”

Dear, Soulmate - Alhaitham

“Do you live in New York City?”

What Will Love Do To You? - Kim Taehyung

“I don’t know where to look…”

I’ve Never Been in Love Before - Tetchou Suehiro

“I've never been in love before, now all at once it's you”

Just Like Chet - Akito Shinonome

“In a perfect world, I wouldn’t have met you at all”

Everything I Know About Love - Ryunosuke Akutagawa

“So enchanting in every way”

Falling Behind - Rantaro Amami

“Moved out to a new city~…”

Hi - Min Yoongi

“I want to say ‘Hi’ to you”

Dance with You Tonight - Cyno

“Still boy, don’t talk to me…”

Night Light - Chuya Nakahara

“Up the staircase, first door to your left.”

Slow Down - Tamaki Amajiki

“Slow down, give me just a moment…”

Lucky For Me - Doppo Kunikida

“I just want to take you home”

Questions For The Universe - Kaeya Alberich

“Why do I love the moon so much?”

Bonus:

From The Start - Multiple Scenario (Alhaitham, Kunikida, Tighnari, Taehyung)

“Don’t you notice how I get quiet when there’s no one else around?”

#mod maki #forgot what a pain tags are ughhh #bungo stray dogs x reader #bts x reader #bangtan sonyeondan x reader #genshin impact x you #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #kaveh #kaveh x reader #alhaitham #alhaitham x reader #tighanari x reader #cyno #cyno x reader #kim taehyung x reader #kim namjoon x reader #min yoongi x reader #osamu dazai x reader #fuyuhiko kuzuryu x reader #tetchou suehiro x reader #project sekai x reader #akito shinonome x reader #bnha x reader #danganronpa x reader #rantaro amami x reader #tamaki amajiki x reader #chuyu nakahara x reader #doppo kunikida x reader #kaeya alberich x reader

[buttercupjosh]

nineteen

(Gif credit to @fivehole)

word count: 5,152

warnings: none

genres: strangers to lovers to ex’s, a bit sad, somewhat happy ending

A/N: To start, I know that Nolan’s not as popular anymore and his future in the NHL is looking a bit bleak but despite that, this story exists. This story is based off of the songs, the Hayley Williams cover of Nineteen by Tegan and Sara, (which is where the title comes from), You All Over Me by Taylor Swift feat Maren Morris and Last Kiss by Taylor Swift (I highly recommend listening to those songs before reading. I’m taking vibes, elements and references from them and putting them in the story and listening will also help with understanding the plot). I’ve wanted to write a fic based off of those songs for a while and my vision for the story works best with Nolan. It’s set in a timeline format by the hockey season. It’s written with a female reader in mind because I’m a female of color but the reader doesn’t specifically have to be a POC or a woman and there’s no dialogue. As always, I’m open to any and all feedback, comments or questions; just put them in my inbox or dm me. Thank you so much in advance for reading, I appreciate it😌

(P.S. I have other stories (linked here) that I have written for other players as well if you want to check it out)

“You were mine, always but now you’re gone. Look what we’ve become, just another sad song of a love gone wrong.” -Pictures by Judah and the Lion feat. Kacey Musgraves

2017-18

Nolan could feel you in his limbs before he ever met you and he could feel you in his life before he ever thought to. How can you feel someone that you don’t even know yet? On the day you met, Nolan felt an unexplained tingle in his body. He was dreading having to go to the DMV but he misplaced his license so on a rare weekday off, he went to get a replacement license. Nolan really needed his license; he legally couldn’t drive without it. He could only imagine the chaos that would ensue if the recently 2nd overall NHL draft pick was pulled over and caught driving without his license so he couldn’t put off getting it done. To top it off, Nolan felt this weird tingling sensation in his body so he mentally made a note to talk about it with the team doctor. Travis (TK) kindly dropped Nolan off at the DMV and continued with his other plans for the off day. For you, you had some time after your classes to pop into the DMV to renew your license, which was going to expire soon because your birthday was coming up.

That tingling feeling that Nolan was experiencing went away when you first interacted with each other in that crowded waiting room back in 2018, in the middle of his first season with the Flyers. The softness in your voice asking if the seat next to him was taken directly contrasted with the deepness of Nolan’s voice. It was going to be a long wait so to pass the time, you and Nolan started talking to each other. Nolan usually was against unnecessary small talk and preferred to keep to himself but chatting with you felt different. Throughout these conversations, you learned little details about each other; details that would be held onto throughout the course of your relationship. You learned that Nolan was actually a funny guy behind his intimidating demeanor and he learned that you deeply valued family. The connection that you had made in the hours of waiting felt special to Nolan. You didn’t even know each other for that long and that well but it was almost like you could feel each other in your hearts as you talked. Since Nolan had arrived before you did, his number was called sooner so he left first. Before leaving, he quickly wrote his number down on the back of the waiting room ticket.

Later that same day, you sent Nolan a text to check in on him and that started a long text chain between the two of you. In the beginning of your friendship, Nolan definitely had his walls up but as you got to know more about each other, the walls came down. Nolan enjoyed talking to you because you made him feel like a regular person, not some superstar; the pressure of being a high NHL draft pick disappeared in the chats that you shared. Over time, he became more comfortable and trusting with you, even inviting you to his games and team events and telling his teammates about you. You began falling for each other and your relationship grew from texting buddies to friends to lovers. Your relationship with Nolan was quiet but it worked well that way. There was a slow introduction to the most important people in your lives; you’ll never forget how your father complimented Nolan’s handshake and how that handshake indicated to him that Nolan was a strong man and your mother admired how Nolan treated you so well. Nolan didn’t want outsiders to judge and ridicule his relationship with you so there were no direct social media posts of your presence in each other’s lives –only small snippets of his face or hands in your Instagram story posts, listening to songs that you liked or that reminded him of you on his story posts and location tags of being at the same place– but the right people knew you were together. There were also fun things, like surprise flowers and other gifts at your door, inside jokes, and secret road trips down to the beaches on the Jersey Shore. You were down so bad for Nolan and he could make you melt like ice cream on a hot June day with just one look. Nolan was down badly too; he tried to be all cool and push it aside but as soon as you walked into the room or opened his car door, the heat in his cheeks would rise and it was game over. The first year of your relationship together was so amazing until things changed.

————————————————————

2018-19

Due to your summer internship commitments, you only got to spend 2 weeks in Winnipeg with Nolan before school started back up at the end of August. Nolan was anxious about you coming to his safe space of his hometown; it rained the day you arrived and the smell of rain brought comfort to him. As both a test and a joke, you ran towards your boyfriend in the airport to see how he would respond. Nolan saw you running at him and his first reaction was to open his arms to catch you; having you in his arms meant everything to him.

Nolan isn’t a man of many words but being with you made him want to sing. On your first night in Winnipeg, Nolan took you to a bonfire party to meet some of his friends. At the party, you mixed and mingled with the people who Nolan trusted the most. Nolan even pulled you in for a dance, which surprised you because he knew that you weren’t much of a dancer and also that he would bust out a move in front of so many people. After the party flamed out, you and Nolan drove back to his house and by the time you arrived, it was almost 2 am. Before going inside, Nolan had looked at you with those blue eyes of his that you adored and you could sense that he was nervous; something was up. Nolan took a deep breath and told you that he loved you for the first time in that same deep voice that captivated you when you first met and you repeated it back to him. You always knew in your heart that you loved Nolan but hearing him say it meant so much more.

Summer Nolan was much more laid back and chill than Hockey Season Nolan. During your time in his hometown, Nolan showed you around the place that shaped him into who he was and let you meet the people who impacted him along the way; he even drove you all the way out to Brandon to see his old stomping grounds before he was drafted. It wouldn’t be summer unless he also took you fishing, hunting, and out for a day on the golf course as well. You got along well with Nolan’s family and meshed great with them. By the time you left to return to Philly, Nolan was already looking forward to bringing you back home to Winnipeg for many summers to come.

After you had left, Nolan was doing some summer training and unexpectedly started experiencing some migraines; he had experienced injuries and concussions before but this wasn’t like that. Due to Nolan’s career choice as a hockey player, he had access to the best doctors and specialists in the country so that helped relieve some of the stress that came with having a chronic illness. His migraines came with good and bad days and one of those bad days came as a test when you were together.

The first time you had ever spent the night at Nolan’s place in Philadelphia, he had a random migraine. Thankfully, it wasn’t so bad that he would miss time from playing; Nolan was still trying to navigate his newfound diagnosis but he handled it the best way that he could. At the time, he was living with Kevin (you were taking things slow and hadn’t talked about moving in together yet) so you weren’t originally planning on staying overnight but Nolan really needed you there. You weren’t trained like a doctor or nurse to take care of him but you did everything in your power to make him feel as comfortable as possible and to help to alleviate his pain. The only thing that helped Nolan was laying down in the dark with no light and you cautiously lay beside him in the darkness of his bedroom. Whenever you were sick as a child, one of your parents would come into your room to make sure you were breathing okay on your own and you did the same for Nolan. You watched him as he slept and could feel him breathe. That evening was a bit rough but Nolan was so grateful that you sacrificed your time to be with him during an unexpected, difficult situation. Like anything else in life, there would always be ups and downs but you would always be there to take care of him, no matter what.

————————————————————

2019-20 and 2020-21

Nolan continued to miss time away from the team and he did his best to try to get healthy enough to return to play but it took more time than expected. Patience would end up becoming an important, key virtue throughout your relationship. During this time, you graduated early from the University of Pennsylvania with a Bachelor’s in Public Health and Nolan was super proud of you, beaming with joy from watching his lover achieve such a great accomplishment. You decided to take a year off from school before going back to get your Master’s degree in Epidemiology but then in early 2020, a pandemic hit; suddenly, you were hunkering down in Canada with Nolan and his family, your hope-to-someday-be in-laws. The world that you all knew was changing dramatically. The NHL season paused for a bit and started back up in a bubble-style tournament but due to his extended absence and health concerns, the Flyers and Nolan’s doctors felt like it was best for him to continue his recovery instead of having him come down to play in Toronto and Edmonton. You could sense the hurt from Nolan having to watch his team play in the playoffs without him and you felt that same pain, both sharing the hope for things to get better.

After the Flyers season concluded in late 2020, Nolan’s health had stabilized by then and he felt confident about returning to play so the Flyers gave him a contract for the shortened 2020-21 season. That condensed season was a bit brutal on Nolan since he hadn’t played professionally in over a year and the team wasn’t in the best condition at the time but he tried his best to persevere through it. He had a minor setback when Phillippe Myers accidentally hit him with a puck mid-game but thankfully, Nolan only missed 2 games and finished out the season without another injury. You saw a light in Nolan’s eyes when he played; a light that both shined and dimmed as time would go on.

The Flyers missed the 2021 playoffs and Nolan was so appreciative for the time off to recover but he also felt fearful for what was to come for the future. Nolan wanted to escape the criticism and pressure from being in Philly so during the 2021 off-season, he talked to you about his plans for leaving. He thought your input was super important and you were supportive of whatever he chose to do and were open to moving wherever he ended up.

The trade to Vegas was a bit surprising because there was no solid guarantee of where he was going to play but you were both grateful for the chance that the team took on Nolan and to open to this new chapter. It wasn’t easy leaving everything you knew behind in Philly but there was something exciting waiting for the both of you in the desert. You originally wanted to finish grad school in Philly but took a pause on your studies to move with Nolan to Vegas; this was also going to be the first time you had lived together. Living in Vegas had its expected highs and lows but you both made the best of the new city. You still kept in contact with some of the Flyers WAGs and made new friends with Golden Knights ladies, discovered new things to love about each other and the new place you lived. Yes, there still were some setbacks with Nolan’s health and his play needed some adjusting but it was okay because he was glad to be back on the ice and starting over somewhere new. Things were looking fine for both of you until February 16, 2022.

————————————————————

2021-22

You had a rare weekday off so you trekked down to T-Mobile Arena to go watch Nolan play. That game happened to be against the Colorado Avalanche; conference rivalry games always had some sort of chaos and drama but this time, that drama and chaos hit too close to home. As you sat in the stands, chatting away with the other WAGs, something devastating happened. Early in the first period, Nolan got hit. The hit was brutal to watch and you angrily cursed Nathan MacKinnon’s name for what he did to your man. You had always known that hockey was aggressive and physical but this hit ignited both a rage and sadness within you. During the game, you left to meet with the team doctor to discuss Nolan’s prognosis; it was a head injury so you knew what was coming ahead and you had to drive him home. You always liked when Nolan let you drive his car but this time it was different. The car ride back home was very quiet, the only noise was the sound of the other cars around you and the clicks of the turn signal. Every time you saw Nolan hurting, it made your heart break a little. You loved him so much that seeing him in pain made you feel pain and you wished that you could just erase the pain that Nolan dealt with and make him 100% better.

Nolan eventually did return to play before getting hurt again and playing his last game on March 24. After his final game, there was a shift in Nolan and the light in his eyes disappeared. His migraines continued to be on and off but the time away allowed them to stabilize for a bit. During his hiatus from hockey, Nolan became more distant and less affectionate with you. You tried to let his actions not bother you but it silently hurt you. You knew Nolan was upset with the way how his hockey season ended and you tried to comfort him and distract him from his pain but it wasn’t enough for him; it was terrifying to watch him fade away like that. Nolan was hurting a lot, not only physically but emotionally. He couldn’t quite fully escape the injuries and the lingering pressure of returning to hockey was always there. Everything in his life was centered around hockey; his identity, his goals, and the conversations people had about and with him. It was almost like he resented the sport that he was the most grateful for; hockey was the only thing people seemed to know him for and that was gone. The loss of Nolan’s hockey career would be a very challenging loss that he would grieve over but you were right there by his side to support him during this difficult time.

Throughout his recovery time, Nolan began to get rid of anything and everything that reminded him of the life that he once had but didn’t have anymore. First, it was removing the social media posts. Then, it was unfollowing his old teammates and so-called friends who never checked in on him. Finally, it was hurting you. At the end of the 2022 season, Nolan requested that you have a deep serious talk together. In the back of your mind, you knew that something big was coming; Nolan was already distant with you so maybe he needed some more time and space from you. He dropped the already expected and painful news but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Nolan expressed that you deserved better than him and being around you, unfortunately, reminded him both of his past and of a future life that he couldn’t give to you. You didn’t care about those things and it didn’t matter what he could or couldn’t do because all you wanted was him but Nolan already made up his mind to end the relationship.

You couldn’t believe that he would just give up on what you had but he did. Nolan told you he loved you so frequently but now, the feelings of love were going away. You already knew Nolan was devastated with the way his hockey career and life derailed but you never would have imagined him hurting you because of that. You were already there with him through some of the toughest moments for him and were willing to continue to stay through them; if you didn’t love Nolan as much as you did, you would have left sooner. Naturally, you tried to reason with him but everything was pointing towards the end of your relationship. It frustrated you that Nolan wanted to break up for good instead of just taking time apart from each other; you were willing to give him the time and space he desired and the hope of you possibly come back together lingered around throughout the air. You had Nolan but he ended up burning you; you thought your relationship was so solid and strong, that these setbacks and other things wouldn’t break it down but it shattered everything you built together.

Nolan blamed being young in love and wanting to meet new people as a reason for wanting to separate. Deep down, he wanted to be with someone who didn’t know or had any connection to his hockey days so that he could leave that part of himself behind; Nolan just wanted a blank slate to start over from it all but that came at the expense of the beautiful relationship you spent years in. Breaking up with you was like watching a part of himself die; you and Nolan were always separate individuals but your relationship interconnected you together in such a profound way. Nolan’s honest confession to end the relationship hurt so deeply; you could feel the pain in your chest and Nolan could feel the pain of what he did rattling in his bones. It was almost like that tingling feeling Nolan felt the day when you first met returned back.

This breakup was 100% one of those “it’s not you, it’s me” moments. Nolan felt bad about breaking your heart but he felt like the only way for him to get peace from his past wasn’t to carry things from it into his future. He wanted out because of himself, not because you were a bad person or something you did; Nolan truly did have a catch on his hands being with you but he couldn’t hold on much longer so he let you go. You held out and held on to your relationship with Nolan for so long; you sacrificed so much to be and stay with him but Nolan just didn’t want to continue. At the time, it was hard to understand why he didn’t fight for your relationship harder but maybe it was a sign that Nolan wasn’t the one for you and you were never really meant to be.

At least once every day since the first time it was shared, you would tell each other “I love you.” Now, all you could say to each other was goodbye. You could see in Nolan’s eyes that he was trying his hardest to not cry but he did anyway. For one last time, Nolan held you in his arms in a tender embrace as the both of you lost tears. Normally, a couple that just broke up wouldn’t do this but Nolan tilted your head up towards him and sealed the end of your storied relationship with a final tear-soaked kiss.

Over the course of the next few days, you packed up your respective things and began the separation, silently removing things from your shared space. Throughout your packing, you both found little mementos from your relationship; things like the paper ticket Nolan wrote his number on when he first met you, the gold N necklace Nolan gave you on your first anniversary, the birthday card you gave Nolan when he turned 23 last year, a bottle of your perfume that was Nolan’s favorite. You had also found some of Nolan’s clothes that he had given you over the years you were together. The world that you had known together had turned around and it was a lot to process; you really were beginning to enjoy your new home but now, you both had to return back to your old one. Thankfully, one of your local friends let you stay at her place in the meantime until everything was in place for you to return back to Philadelphia and Nolan stayed at the apartment. You were all his and Nolan was all yours but that was all gone. Leaving you behind wasn’t easy but he did it anyway. It was wild how you moved to Vegas at the start of the 2021-22 season and by the time the season ended in April 2022, the relationship was over.

The 2022 off-season was supposed to be different this time. At the start of the year, you and Nolan had made plans to explore Europe for an off-season couple’s trip but before the start of the summer, that trip never happened. Flights and hotels were refunded; the diamond ring Nolan had planned on proposing to you with on the trip was returned to the jewelry store. Nolan went back to his happy place at home with his family but returning to Winnipeg without you this time did hurt him a bit. As expected with returning back, Nolan had to deal with the whispers and rumors that came from people who had no idea what he was going through.

The only bright side of the otherwise sad off-season was that Nolan’s quality of life improved a lot as his migraines continued to get better with the time off; he eventually found a good regime to help him cope and he was able to do some of the things he loved, like golfing and listening to loud music. While he was home, Nolan cooked up a good plan to fly back to Philadelphia to convince you to take him back but that was all in his head; he hadn’t been to Philly since you both moved to Vegas for the trade and he never did return to play a game there. Nolan couldn’t bring himself to go back to the city that was home at one point but isn’t anymore so he let the plan go and let time pass by.

————————————————————

2022-23

The 2022 off-season turned into Nolan not returning to the NHL at all. The Vegas Golden Knights ended up winning the Stanley Cup in 2023 without him; it hurt the both of you to see Nolan’s old team succeed at achieving one of his goals. Despite the progress made in Nolan’s recovery, playing hockey full-time unfortunately never really made its way back into the picture for him.

Nolan still quietly kept tabs on you, watching you from the sidelines. You finished up your Master’s degree program and he was proud of you again, just like he was when you graduated with your Bachelor’s degree. It had been over a year since you last talked to Nolan. You tried to keep tabs on Nolan but he wasn’t really close with anyone from his old teams anymore and you only saw brief glimpses of him through his Winnipeg friends. You romantically moved on with someone new, someone who fulfilled the “if he wanted to, he would” that Nolan chose not to meet. Nolan moved on too, he met a girl in an online support group for athletes whose careers were derailed by injuries. His new girlfriend met the requirement of no hockey connections and she was great; he deeply loved and cared for her, just like he did for you.

Despite the amount of freedom you had from each other since the break up, you weren’t fully clean and still had pieces of each other left lingering all over you. You would never look at a vehicle with muddy tires the same way –they reminded you of when you and Nolan went to Hawaii for All-Star Break, rented a Jeep, and explored the island–, you would never look at anything related to ham and cheese without thinking of Nolan’s pre-game meal and how you missed going to watch him play, the migraine medication commercials made you think about the treatments that didn’t work and wondered what was helping him now. Nolan was notoriously known for his privacy and for being a lurker so you had no idea if he had truly missed you.

Sometimes, Nolan did miss you but he wasn’t going to let you know that. When the Italian restaurant that you had gone to on your first date closed down, Nolan wanted to talk to you to reminisce on those good times but he didn’t reach out, he couldn’t see orange juice without thinking about how he always kept a bottle in the fridge for you, plaid always reminded him of the flannels you wore in the fall, hearing certain songs on the radio made him wonder if you would like this song. One day, while figuring out what to listen to, Nolan came across the playlist. During your relationship, Nolan made a secret playlist called “y/n-core” and it contained all of the songs you liked and songs that reminded him of you. He listened to it whenever he missed you; when you found out about it, you made a similar playlist for him. Music was something important to both of you so deleting the playlist was hard so you both kept it; Nolan would secretly listen to it whenever he missed you and look back at old photos from when you were together and when you missed him, you would put on one of his old shirts and play it as a coping mechanism.

Looking back at the relationship, some questions began to arise. Were there any warning signs that you missed beforehand that could have indicated that the relationship was doomed? Could you blame Nolan for wanting a change? Could you blame Nolan for not changing his mind and not wanting to reconcile what you had? Could Nolan blame you for moving on when he didn’t want to stay together? Neither of you would have ever thought your relationship would have ended the way it did. It started off like a beautiful love song but it crumbled like a piece of paper when it ended. Neither of you would say that you wasted your time being together because you lived and learned throughout your relationship; you both carried those things into your new relationships. Even though you’re not sure if you’ll ever see or hear from him again, you had hoped that Nolan was doing okay and he had the same hope for you. Over time, you forgave Nolan for what he did and Nolan forgave himself for his actions. You understood why Nolan broke your heart the way that he did; he did it because he loved you so much that he willingly walked away from you so that someone better could come into the picture. Nolan’s capacity for love was enough for you but he saw it differently so you had to fully accept his decision.

Even though you’ve both moved on to new partners, your name and Nolan’s name still lingered on each other’s lips whenever either of you kissed your new lover. Sometimes, you missed the moments when Nolan would randomly interrupt you with a kiss (your new partner wouldn’t attempt such a thing) and Nolan actually missed doing it to you and couldn’t bring himself to continue that with his new girlfriend. Every now and then, the feelings of missing each other would occasionally sink in and you both would miss and think about the other. You both hated missing each other because you both had new lovers, but that didn’t prevent those feelings coming up. Sometimes, you both wished that the other would call but those calls would never come and you had to let each other go. If you somehow did end up back together, it would cause more pain than love; how do you fully trust someone who hurt you so much? You both still carried a little of the love you shared together but things would never go back to being the same. After being out of touch for so long, there was no point in trying to revitalize the relationship you had together or to even try attempting to be friends because you were both on different roads and chapters in life. The last drop of rain from the storm of your relationship dried off the pavement and there were no physical stains left behind.

————————————————————

20xx-xx (Epilogue)

Many years later, when you were chilling with your new partner at your apartment, they accidentally spilled water on their shirt so you gave them one of Nolan’s old practice shirts to wear. Seeing your new lover wear something from your old lover made you short-circuit for a minute. How can someone that you love now look so good in something that belonged to someone you loved before? Your new lover also asked you to marry them underneath a pillow fort while wearing Nolan’s old shirt with your dream ring and the date this occurred was the 19th. On a warm sandy beach somewhere, Nolan proposed to his new girlfriend on the exact same day with the same ring you wanted (his now fiancee’s dream ring). Throughout your relationship with Nolan, the number 19 started appearing more in your life and started holding more importance to you because of him. It was Nolan’s jersey number in Philadelphia (changed to 41 in Vegas), his birthday was on the 19th of September, it was part of the address of the first place you lived together, and it was the age that you fell in love with each other. The number nineteen meant something significant to the both of you and neither of you would ever forget it.

#nolan patrick #nolan patrick x reader #nolan patrick imagine #nolan patrick fic #hockey fic #hockey imagine #hockey writing #my writing #philadephia flyers #vegas golden knights

[winter-angst]

3 songs from Self-Titled album by Taylor Swift that absolutely apply to Brock and Jack and why:

1. Invisible: “and i just want to show you, she don’t even know you, she’s never gonna love you the way i want to, and you just see right through me but if you only knew me, we could be a beautiful, miracle, unbelievable, instead of just invisible”

I feel like this speaks to when they’re first getting to know each other and Jack is in a relationship with someone else. As they get closer Brock starts to really connect with Jack. As happy as he is that Jack is happy — and how reluctant he is to openly admit his feelings — he can’t help but envy the person that Jack goes home to at night. Then things with Jack’s partner start to go south from all the secrecy of his job and him joining HYDRA. Jack stops coming to work in a good mood and never seems particularly to go home after ops. (“she can’t see the way your eyes light up when you smile,”) Brock then starts to convince himself that Jack would be much better off with him; he understands his job and he misses seeing Jack happy. But he’s not ready to confess his feelings so he quietly pines, feeling guilty that he wanted to relationship to end now that it’s starting to break down into shambles.

2. Tied Together With A Smile: “hold on, baby, you’re losing it, the water’s high, you’re jumping into it, and letting go, but no one knows, that you cry, but you don’t tell anyone, that you might not be the golden one, and you’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone”

This isn’t about their relationship together as much as it’s about how taxing and stressful it is to be a double agent. They have essentially embody two different people with vastly different morals and ideas of ethics. I feel like they would both question themselves during the hard moments, when given a mission that they felt conflicted about. But they can’t expose that they have reservations to S.H.I.E.L.D or HYDRA so they’re both forced to act as though nothing is wrong. It definitely brings Brock and Jack together, something Jack needs with his rocky relationship that seems to take more and more work endlessly and neither him nor his partner are particularly happy. But Jack can confide in Brock and Brock can confide in Jack (about most things) and it helps ease up the pressure. They are both considered “golden ones”, highly skilled with lofty positions in both organizations, and the pressure is never ending for them.

3. I’m Only Me When I’m With You: “when i’m with anybody else, it’s so hard to be myself, and only you can tell”

I can see this song really speaking to Brock and his feelings towards Jack. He’s his SIC and always has his back which allows to relax somewhat on missions and on bases. For the first time he truly trusts his SIC (and he ofc is crushing on him) and he’s also coping with having what he thinks is a one-sided attraction to Jack. But when he’s with Jack he feels like he can relax and open up. It doesn’t have to be work-work-work with him. Brock can vent about his life and share the good things that are happening with him for the first time ever. This strengthens the emotional attraction he feels towards Jack.

Fearless (Taylor’s Version) is next!

#hydra husbands #brock rumlow #jack rollins #taylor swift #taylor swift debut

[russosafehaven]

There are Widows and there are Men - Part Two

A/N: Thank you so much for the attention on the first part!! I’m so happy people are enjoying it.

Series Title: There are Widows and there are Men

Chapter Title: Part Two - The truth is out there

Song: Anti-Hero - Taylor Swift

Pairings: Billy Russo x Reader, Past Unnamed Widow x Reader

Word Count: 3209

Warnings: Red Room, SA, Dreykov, ED, SH, Canon Typical Violence, Age Gap (Billy’s 30ish and Reader is around 23)

~

A soft beeping was the first thing you heard when you came to. Paired with the visuals of an all white room. If you weren’t so used to medical surroundings you’d have thought you had died. There was no one else around. For a moment you reconsidered the idea that you had died. Your eyes wanted to close but your mind knew you had to stay awake. As you attempted to recall what had happened, the door to the room swung open. Angry footsteps made their way across the room. Looking for the source you were met with Billy Russo’s eyes.

“Shit”

You muttered as it all came flooding back to you. Bomb in the bedroom, Billy covering you, Jessica, bullet, blackout. There was no easy way to explain to Billy about your childhood. If you could even call it a childhood. Most kids weren’t genetically engineered to be a clone of the Red Room’s most successful Widow. Your eyes drifted away from Billy shame filling you.

“Yeah shit, what the hell was that?”

He sat down in the edge of the bed and a nurse worked in. You looked up and smiled gently. It was Claire. The two of you had met a few times, primarily through Jessica and her vigilante activities. She had walked over, checking your vitals before sending you a wink and a nod towards Billy. Even without words you knew what she meant.

“Well the technical term would be an explosive, but my sisters would tell me that I’m the bomb”

You cracked a smile at your dumb joke. The Red Room wasn’t a pleasant place, but that didn’t mean you didn’t have friends. Even in the darkest of times there was still a light. Yours was a young girl, Nadia. Although she was trained in the science division you were both close. During your time at the Red Room they started a sister program. Pairing older widows with younger ones. You got paired with Nadia, the daughter of Hank Pym or so you were told. The two of you were close, despite the age gap between the two of you as she was 8 years younger. You and Nadia were both born into this life, raised from infancy in the Red Room. There were some differences, she had parents and even a potential life outside of the Red Room. While you were made, taking the term test tube baby to a whole other level.

“This isn’t the time for fucking jokes. What the hell happened back in your apartment?”

A sigh escaped your mouth. You weren’t fond of the idea of opening up to Billy about what you had gone through. What would he think of you? He was a Marine, he had killed people. You had seen the mission statements proving he had. Even at ANVIL some missions still called for it. He was a soldier who had seen horrific shit while you were nothing but an assassin born for it. Billy kept his eyes trained on you as he waited for a response. The ticking of the clock in the background taunted you. Words floated around in your mind as you started to piece sentences together.

“I… I don’t know what you want me to say”

For a brief flash you see sympathy in his eyes before they turn cold again. His lips pressed into a thin line and you wanted nothing more but to kiss his worry away. It was unorthodox and you knew that. Billy was your boss and you were his employee, nothing more. Even if he could be more to you, you were almost entirely sure that Billy would never look at you like you did him. One of his hands brushed his way through his perfect but over gelled hair.

“How about the truth? Or is everything with you just a big fucking lie? You’re my PA and I just found out I know nothing about you so you better start fucking talking”

While his tone was calm it didn’t take an assassin to detect the seething anger. His eyes were like obsidian and they reminded you of a gift you got from Nadia. You were known for your speciality with knives and for your name day Nadia made you a set of obsidian blades. Different sizes and shapes, one was retractable that sat in the inside of your Widow bites.

“If I tell you, you have to tell me you won’t lose your shit. No offence but I know your temperament”

~

You were spinning on one of that chairs in the lab. Waiting patiently for your results to come back. The last mission you were sent on ended with you landed on your left arm.

“Well the good news is it’s just dislocated. We can pop it back in and you can be on your merry way. The alternative is I can break it and postpone graduation for you”

The girl tending to you smiled, she was a year older than you and had already graduated. The hair on the back of your neck pricked up thinking of the pain. Most Widows didn’t talk about the ceremony as it was painful. Not just physically but psychologically.

“Hey! That’s risky, besides it’s not like I’m going to escape anyways. May as well go through with it y’know?”

The Widow nodded, looking around for others before placing a chaste kiss to your lips. When she pulled away you smiled. The two of you had been dating for a while now. In secret of course, emotions were the key to failure and if Dreykov found out his Widows formed attachments one of you would die.

A small girl appeared in front of the two. Your eyes looked down at her and you smiled gently. The Widow in front of you was your little sister, meaning you were paired with her. The two of you would train, fight and whatever else. That included missions. The 8 year age gap worked out perfectly in your superiors eyes for taking hits. The younger girl, Nadia, would lure them in. Sometimes with playing the helpless kid or other times with some chemical she designed for that purpose. When the victim was tied down or drugged, you would perform the killing. Something you knew Nadia would eventually have to do. It wasn’t something you liked thinking about, young kids growing up being trained to kill. It horrified you but at the same time it was all you knew.

“You two be careful. Don’t wanna get caught”

Next to Nadia another little girl appeared. She was around Nadia’s age and was your girlfriends mentee. Her name was Ying and there was a rare moment you didn’t see her without Nadia. Their friendship was a moment of bliss for you. Seeing moments when they weren’t training, bloody and broken, but just two happy young girls in the lab. Between the four of you, you were the only one who wasn’t in the science division.

“We won’t get caught Маленькие ученые. I’m being careful, no one will get caught on my watch”

~

As you finished your first little anecdote about the Red Room. Billy’s hand wandered up your arm looking at the silvery scars. His fingers traced them as you made comments about the Red Room, the blood, the torture.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve gotten you some help for your PTSD or some shit. Got a friend that runs a support group”

You looked at Billy, and wondering what he didn’t understand about what you told him. In his mind, you were just a solider who did what they had to for survival. He didn’t understand that you were a killer, a cold blooded murderer who wasted away anyone who got in your way. You weren’t a noble soldier like him and his military friends, you were a gun for hire. That’s all you were. A monster. A killer.

“Billy the shit I’ve done… it ain’t out of fighting for my country. I’m not a solider like you, I’m a fucking monster. I was made for this life, I only escaped because of Nadia. She saved me that day and I couldn’t help her. The girl I watched grow up drove a knife into my arm to save me and I did nothing. I’m not a hero, not a solider. I’m a gun for hire and nothing else, that’s what he made me”

You looked down at your arms, every scar was for a life you took. Your first kill was during training, it was another Widow and you were both only seven years old. As you held her in a headlock and brutally snapped her neck, you watched her lifeless corpse fall to the ground. That day you had gone back to your room and grabbed the small blade all widows were permitted in case of emergencies. Most of the superiors and people Dreykov deemed important were all clad in suits that protected the from the blades, so there was no chance for escape. As you pressed it into your arm and pulled it through, you watched the rivulets of blood bubble up. Falling gently onto the floor. It was the first time you killed and the first you’d cut. To you it was a reminder of what he turned you into, to everyone else it was a sign of danger.

“No none of that shit. Don’t for a second act like the crap I did was any better. We’ve both killed, we were both fucking weapons don’t act like you’re the only one who gets to have a shitty life”

He grabbed your face harshly as his words were spit into your face. You didn’t budge as he wasn’t threatening to you. He may be a 6 foot ex Spec-Ops Marine but you were a Black Widow. The other girls had called you the Blood Widow as they heard your body count. They all made rumours about it, some sad you haven’t actually killed others spewed bullshit about 10,000 bodies in your list.

“How old were you when you first killed someone Billy?”

He blinked at you like a deer in headlights. His grip on your jaw tightened and you could barely get words out. Somehow you had still managed to ask that daring question. You knew his kill count, 134 people he had wasted away during his time in the military. Not to mention outside of that due to ANVIL.

“What kind of question is that?”

He looked at you with confusion in his face. A dark chuckle escaped your lips. Despite being out of the Red Room for nearly 3 years, nothing changes the person you became there.

“I was seven. We were training and I caught her in a headlock, I snapped her neck without hesitation. Her body fell to floor and I watched them drag her away. She was the first of many and every scar on my body I put there. I would take a blade to my skin to pay for my sins. To beg the world for forgiveness”

He pulled away from you. Standing up and walking to the window across the room. Billy’s hands fell to the ledge and gripped tightly as if he was going to fall. You watch intently as one of his hands was raised and he clenched it in a fist. Without hesitation he brought it slamming down onto the window ledge. The noise rang out and it caused one of the nearby nurses to look into your room. Shaking your hand you sent her away, knowing it’d be best if no one else was around.

~

You stood in the centre of the room as a girl was tied to the chair. In your right hand you had a gun strapped to you hand. Your trigger finger anxiously wanting to pull away from the weapon. You couldn’t, Dreykov had found out about your relationship and now here you were. Punishments were always cruel in the Red Room, starvation or torture were common. You had seen a few of the girls being waterboarded after failing to kill a target.

“You have failed this institution and now your lovers blood shall decorate the walls”

You refused to let tears spill. Even as her screams ricocheted off of the walls. Anguished screams that fell from the same lips you’d kiss after being patched up in the med bay. You had been together since you were 15 and she was 16, now here you were 5 years later. Preparing to put a bullet in between her eyes.

As the last knot secured her body to the chair your eyes wandered over her. Soft brown eyes, coily black hair and a dark complexion to boot. She was stunning and you fell in love with her at first look. This girl, this smart, loving girl was your first partner. One day you had hoped to escape the Red Room together. Buy a house and live the rest of your days in bliss, away from the gore of your younger years. One small mistake on your hand meant she was losing her life. Nausea sat painfully in your stomach but it wasn’t even the worst of it yet, you’d yet to pull the trigger and watch her life end.

“Pull the trigger Blood Widow and make the Red Room forgive your sins”

Your entire body shook and the anxiety set in. You knew what was going to happen but nothing would make it any better. The gun was raised along with your hand. Pointing it at your lover as her eyes begged you not to kill her. This was all your lives were, attacking and killing in the name of survival. Emotions couldn’t get in the way, even if dying in the moment would be better you couldn’t leave Nadia alone. You practically raised her. Your chest expanded as you brought air into your lungs, releasing it slowly. The click of the trigger and the crack of the bullet was all you heard. They say you don’t hear the bullet that killed you, you wonder if it was true for her. It took residence right between her eyes and you watched the blood leak from the hole. That week you didn’t eat, refusing to. Focusing instead on the ornate carving on your shoulder in her honour.

~

“Do you know how terrified I was when I saw that bullet enter you? I’ve seen a lot of men die but nothing stung like that moment. Since that day I saw you in the coffee shop. That stupid run down coffee shop near ANVIL. The way you moved effortlessly through the mess and the clutter, I knew you’d be the perfect assistant. I didn’t realise you held such a dark fucking truth”

He was still stood by the windowsill, looking down at the traffic of New York. You studied his body language, clenched hands, stiff back and you were almost sure his face was covered in a grimace.

“I didn’t know how you’d react to finding out the truth Billy. The things I’ve done have always terrified me, even under chemical subjugation. I was still conscious but I didn’t know what was me. I’ve been a puppet for 20 years. Then I managed to get out, I got a job at that coffee shop and than a year later I’m working for you. It’s been 3 years since I got out but I can’t shake it. He’s still sending Widows after me, I thought Natalia took the Red Room down but she failed. Dreykov is smart and he won’t stop until he kills me”

Billy turned around, looking at you. Your stomach churned, it hadn’t officially been said but you felt friendzoned. Of course you were, ‘Billy the Beaut’ didn’t settle down. He walked over to you, sitting down again. He placed a hand on your head, caressing your cheek gently.

“I’ll help you, I can get my men to look after you, you’re not going back to your apartment either. When you get discharged I’m taking you straight to mine. I don’t care, you just get some rest and I’ll be back later”

Billy stood up, flashing a toothy smile at you before walking out. Within the next five minutes a blonde and brunette duo showed up. You looked over at the two, smiling at them. Jessica and Trish reminded you of your friends back in the Red Room. It was why you had clicked with the two of them so well.

“Claire called said you were awake. Apparently you weren’t allowed visitors because the dick bag from your apartment was in here”

Jessica took a seat on one of the chairs as she spoke. You laughed at the prospect of the drunk calling your boss a ‘dick bag’. Trish pulled something out of her back. As you studied her to see what it was your eyes widened when you realised it was candy. It wasn’t something you were allowed in the Red Room and when you had first tried it you fell in love. Jessica had introduced you to Trish not long after you had met the brunette. You clicked with Trish pretty well and you were the voice of reason in the trio. Jessica and Trish were the only two people you knew that about your past. Jess was initially meant to be one of your kills, your were 17 and she was 21 in college. Dreykov had heard of her powers and sent you to take her out. You couldn’t do it and faked her death instead, thankfully Dreykov had believed it. Three years later when you got out you went to Jessica for help. She introduced you to Trish who helped you get a job at a coffee shop. You hadn’t been to a coffee shop before and it was an experience adjusting. Thankfully Trish was a great liar and came up with a lie about you being kept in captivity most of your life so you didn’t know of the outside world. It wasn’t a total lie as it did hold truth. One day Jessica and Trish visited you at your new work place. Your boss allowed you to take a break. A conversation was sparked and Trish asked you your favourite candy. When you told her you’d never had candy, well it shocked her to say the least. Since that moment every time Trish saw you she always had some sort of sweet on hand for you to try.

“He’s a nice guy Jessica. Just a bit… what’s the word?”

Your English was good but you had a tendency to forget words. It wasn’t your first language it wasn’t even your fourth. The girls knew this and weren’t bothered or upset when you forgot something.

“Dickish, bitchy, fuckwad, shitty, bloody stupid, ignorant?”

Jessica’s voice was laced with amusement as she spoke. Her favourite thing next to drinking was cursing and the girl could swear like a sailor. With or without the alcohol.

For a moment your world was just the three of you and you forgot about Billy’s anger. Forget about the attack. Just live with your closest friends for a while.

Tag list!

@thefictionalgemini

@woowwwee

@celestialams

#billy russo imagine #billy russo x reader #billy russo #billy russo fluff #jessica jones #trish walker #billy russo angst #blackwidow!reader #black widow #x reader #billy russo x yn