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#I've been meaning to make a separate post asking for it but again time... and i keep forgetting also

coexistentialism · 22 hours

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Hey answer this at your own leisure- I have DID and I really relate to a lot of your posts? I think ive even sent you an ask before but i forget so i apologize if ive said the same thing.

Ive known Ive had DID for ages- and in the beginning i thought i had a ton of alters, and now years later 5 months have passed and i dont know who i am at all. Alter advice isnt helpful at all cause it feels like I have no differences. So basically I feel like nobody, Except When Im writing and roleplaying? I have tons of ultra developed characters that I "project" onto and I've been theorizing that my characters Ive created are actually vessels for alters? Or actually my alters? I think I even explained it once as "my characters are all self inserts for my different selves"… Ive never heard of this ever happening to another person and im very unsure. Of course I dont expect you to like diagnose me or anything but i was just wondering if you…had any input? Thank you for taking the time to read this btw I know it was long.

Hii, I went to sleep most of the day, so I'm just seeing this now lol and I love this because that's basically my experience, albeit it with some differences.

Once I was diagnosed and throughout my questioning, I figured that most of the "characters" I made were just alters.

I actually still struggle to comprehend creating characters that isn't just "you" (an alter in some way).

The Warrior cat books were a special interest of mine, and I "created a character" named Rainwhisper, but it wasn't really a character, it was just Me, as a cat in the series.

I liked Utau and Vocaloid, and I created my own Utau called Roxy Mizu, bit it was really just Me as an Utau.

Art and writing is a big way for alters to express themselves, it makes sense. Especially if you grew up in an environment where many of the other ways of self-expression weren't allowed. For example, I was never allowed to look or dress the way I wanted, and most self-expression was punished, made fun of, Not Allowed. So it makes perfect sense to turn to other means of self-expression, when you have no other way to express yourself as a person, and as individual alters (who may not realize they exist, but they are still expressing themselves).

For me as well, my online accounts have also been a huge way of expressing myself (/individual alters to express themselves). Certain icons associated with certain usernames. I get uncomfortable if my Discord icon is something that I don't really vibe or resonate with/doesn't really feel Right. I always grew up changing my icons and usernames a lot, sometimes coming up with a ""fake name"" to use for myself online "for privacy." In reality, I do think it was just alters wanting their own names ad wanting to express themselves, we just didn't know it/realize it/weren't aware we existed as our separate selves at all.

I've known other systems like this, but it never quite feels the same. But lots of systems have talked about how their "characters" turned out to be alters.

Similarly, video games can be a huge way to express yourselves as individual alters (again, without necessarily realizing it. It's not like I ever knew "I am my own separate Entity and this is me now lol" it's never like that for me). Especially if the game has a lot of customization options for your player character, you might find yourself constantly changing how your character looks to fit your Vibe/mood/etc. in the moment. This is my experience, and I 100% think it pertains to different alters expressing themselves.

I'm all about the small details of alter differences when it comes to figuring out alters. I think my autism is kind of an interesting thing in that regards, and because my DID experience is so.. Subtle? It makes sense why my autism combines with that to be able to notice incredibly small details like that, that I find that many other systems just. Overlook completely and/or don't even realize are things at all. Like, I just notice that many systems don't even realize or know that you can be switching without even knowing it, but without individual alters even knowing they exist at all too. It just feels like/seems like most other systems online just go "I know this is an alter because (distinct overt thing)" but don't realize it goes deeper than that sometimes for a lot of systems actually.

I've definitely had experiences where I felt so distinctly different that it was at least easier to assume I was some kind of alter, but it's still not quite like that, and is not my norm (and usually only happens while high).

For many people with DID, it's really, really subtle and alter switches are happening without the person and without the individual alters even knowing/realizing it. I actually read a research paper recently that really put a lot of my thoughts about this into words, Diagnosis Of Covert And Subtle Forms Of Multiple Personality Disorder Through Dissociative Signs if you want to read it! I've been working on a bigger post that goes over it, and goes over my own additional thoughts and feelings about how to figure out if you have DID through incredibblyyy subtle things like what's described in the paper.

It is from 1988, so some info is outdated, but it was still so, so nice to finally read a paper that really talked about these things. I wonder if I can find similar papers from more recent years ("recent" here doesn't necessarily mean like 2020-present, I consider things from 2010, and/or 2015 onward much more recent than, like... 1988 for example LMASNDKS)

#My posts #Inbox #ActuallyDID #DID System

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ao3commentoftheday · 6 months

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any advice about how to deal with posting a fic and getting radio silence? I know ppl aren’t owed engagement ofc, but I feel embarrassed at having spent so long on something no one cares about, and although I liked thinking about the characters and fandom before (and was considering writing more about them), now I can’t think about it without feeling that overpowering embarrassment 😭 part of me wants to delete the fic, but that would mean having to open ao3 and look at it again LMAO

sorry for the venting, I know this is probably a me problem, but has anyone else felt this, and if so, is there any way to make this pervasive shame go away??

*hugs* This is a very painful thing to experience and there isn't really any way to make it just go away, unfortunately. However, you can reflect on it a bit, when you're ready to.

Writing and posting are separate activities. If you've enjoyed writing the story but you haven't enjoyed posting it to the Archive, you can always continue writing just for yourself. This may or may not be something you'd enjoy - you know better than I do whether some of your enjoyment came from the anticipation of a reaction to your work.

Try to analyze where your embarrassment is coming from. Is it worrying that your story was poorly written? A lack of a reaction doesn't mean that the story is bad. Being unpopular doesn't mean it's bad, either. If your story is good to you, then it's a good story.

Is your embarrassment from feeling like you were "caught trying." Is it a cringe at the idea that you put effort into something that someone else doesn't (appear to) find valuable?

Is it actually embarrassment at all? Are you feeling a different kind of hurt instead? Did you hope that someone in particular would read your story and now you feel ignored? Did you hope to be embraced by your community and now you feel shunned?

These are difficult questions that I'm asking and you might not want to think about them right now. That's okay. You don't need to if you don't want to. You can definitely delete the fic and pretend it never happened. Or you can log out of that AO3 account and create a new one and never look back. Maybe you just need to take a week or a month off for a hiatus of sorts and when the ache isn't as bad, you'll be able to face it all again.

When I felt this way, it was because I felt like I'd put something into my community and that I'd been ignored. But since that time, I've found one person who gives me all of the community support I used to get from an entire fandom, and now when I post something on AO3 I don't actually need a response anymore. I get all of the fun and excitement and validation etc from my conversations and RP threads with my best friend.

Once you've got a little distance from the pain of this moment, try to figure out what it is that you were hoping to get and then figure out how you can get it. Maybe it's through posting fic to AO3, but maybe it's not.

Let's see what others can suggest. This is not something you're experiencing alone, anon. So very many of your fellow fan writers have experienced this too ❤️

#asks and answers

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writing-in-glitter-pen · 5 months

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love🥺🫶🏻I click at my notification so fast when I saw your posting again adfkgk you have no idea how much I like your writing! also I'm new to your blog but if anyone trying to hurt you I'm......going to give them a really bad time... 😤💪//hj

Anyway 🥺🫶🏻🫶🏻can I request a reaction of wrio and neuvillette with a darling who has a habit of looking at the price on menus...like why worry your silly little head? when you're with them those silly little numbers mean nothing. it's one of your habit that's hard to let go but he find them really cute so it's okay!

Awwww thank you so much, dear!!!! You'll be happy to know that I've got nothing but love on here which I'm so so grateful for ♡ but I appreciate you so much for your protection ♡

And what a lovely idea!! This is so something I struggle with so it was interesting to write about and imagine what our favorite boys would say!! I hope you like it ♡

✧˖° you're worth all the mora in the world⋆.˚✧

Wriothesley & Neuvillette x gn!reader (separate) II fluff!

"You're not allowed to order water."

"Wriothesley..."

He slides the drink menu over to you with a stern, "Pick one."

"...but I don't need—"

"It's not about needing. I took you out to spoil and indulge you, don't deny me that pleasure."

You've been dating Wriothesley long enough for him to find your cautiousness when it comes to his funds an issue.

On the first few dates you two shared, though he'd rather have pampered you with lavish meals and treats, he decided to look the other way when it came to how you'd always miraculously choose the most inexpensive dishes on the menu.

"I guess that's only polite...", he reasoned with himself, weighing whether or not he should mention to you that money was not a problem for him; but eventually, he thought it better to just give you time.

"Once we get more comfortable, it'll change."

And once you two did get comfortable, and he found that your behavior, in fact, did not change, his patience wore thin.

Why were you still so uncomfortable with him? It was almost an insult that you thought so little of him to assume he'd find paying for you a burden.

So, he takes to ordering for you. He knows what you like, and he knows if he lets you choose for yourself, the price will play a factor into what you order—even subconsciously.

Until you start choosing the most expensive meals on the menu, you're not allowed to make objections or requests without grounds like allergies or dislikes; which you won't have, because he knows you too well by now.

If you try to lie and tell him you don't like something he's picked for you, you will fail. Miserably, so.

"I don't like crab.", you argue—peeking over your menu at him in an attempt to hide your tells that he's become much too familiar with. He could read you like a book, and you have no idea how he's gained so much expertise in the field of you.

"Uh huh, sure, doll.", he doesn't even look at you, his attention on the waiter as he orders. "That one—", he says, flicking his finger to point at you, "is going to have golden crab.".

"And the crab will be market-priced. Will that be all right with you, sir?", the waiter feels the need to confirm, as market-priced foods are often quite expensive.

You jump in, "How mu—"

"That's fine.", Wriothesley interjects, giving you a stern look as he plucks the menu from your hands, revealing your red cheeks (a symptom of your fibbing), and passes it to the waiter before handing him his own. He doesn't need to hear the price, it's just a number, and you're worth more than all the mora in his bank account. No matter how ardently you can try to protest, he's committed to giving you what he knows you want—even if you hesitate to ask for it.

And watching from across the table how your eyes glimmer and beautiful cheeks turn rosy pink as the opulent flavors hit your tongue is more than enough compensation for him to recieve in return.

Neuvillette finds your financial prudence to be a quality of yours he actually quite admires. Too often, he sees thoughtless individuals land themselves in his court with grave, unsettled debts due to gambling or overspending, so your conscientiousness is to be commended!

However, when he is the one footing the bill, he sees no logical need for you to apply this virtue. He knows what he can afford, so you need not worry about it; and to see that telltale crease between your eyebrows as you worry yourself over what to choose on a menu with nothing priced less than ˙✧12500 mora, simply crushes him.

He can never sit right with himself when you have that anxious look on your face, it makes him feel like he’s failing as your partner. And over something so small as a handful of mora! He finds it necessary to talk you through the logic of the situation rather than your—for lack of better word—illogical fixation on a metaphysical number.

“Sweetheart,”, he calls in that soothing, deep vibration of his voice that feels like resting in the coolest, calmest waters of Fontaine, “I am the Chief Justice of Fontaine; as such, I’ve been entrusted to oversee both criminal and civil trials due to my ability to apply sound judgement to otherwise complex situations, unrivaled by anyone else in the nation.”

“…”, you sit quietly with your hands in your lap and blink at him, tongue-tied as his explanation begins to make perfect sense.

“…don’t you think I would have the discernment to manage my own finances?”, he concludes, hammering his claim into you with one last strike.

You have no rebuttal. He’s pinned you so effortlessly, it’s embarrassing. Sometimes, it’s a challenge to date a man with such vast practice in rhetorical argument.

Your worries being soothed with such tact actually makes you quite flustered, your cheeks and nose turning a soft shade of red as you pout in defeat.

The way your expression graduated from nervous to sheepish with just a few sentences of reasoning makes him chuckle, reaching out to lift your chin with the knuckle of his index finger with a cheery, but reserved smile on his face.

“Darling, I’ve brought you out tonight to spoil you. Do me the honor of having some fun while we’re here? There’s nothing more I want right now than to see your beautiful smile.”

You find it’s impossible to hold back the simper that blooms on your face from that remark, to which he smirks with pride.

This was the most fulfilling trial he’s held in a century.

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remcycl333 · 6 months

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my sp story <3

hi besties! if you've been following my blog for a while you know that i've been single for a while, partly because i like to be independent and single, and partly because i just didn't like anyone. obviously i could just manifest a guy out of thin air, but when im not confronted face to face with a crush then i just don't care about being in a relationship so i never manifested someone out of thin air lol

but then a couple of weeks ago i was at the movies with my friends, and there were couples cuddling around us and i was like "aw :( kinda wish i had a bf now." and what do we do when we feel any type of desire? we immediately fulfill ourselves, no matter how "small" the desire is! so that's what i did. i imagined for like two seconds that i was cuddling with a boy at the theaters, and then i got distracted by the movie and forgot all about it

then like 15 minutes later, a guy that i'd had a crush on four years ago randomly slid into my dms. i never pursued him four years ago bc my bff at the time had dibs on him, but we're not friends anym and haven't been for years so it was my time to shine!!!

anyway, we talk for like a week. i know this guy is funny and shit bc of when we hung out irl, but like all he's sending me are unfunny memes that don't really warrant a response. so it was kinda tough

and this is the part where you guys are going to yell at me!!! i was like oh i should use my manifestation skills and make sure this goes smoothly....but then i was like nah im just gonna go with the flow 😭😭😭 and i know you guys are like REM!!!! u manifest EVERYTHING u can't just turn it off!!!! anyway.....long story short a week into us talking this mf randomly blocks me!!!!

so im instantly like 🙄🙄 damn fine i'll manifest him back bc im stubborn and do not like being told no in my reality

so how did i do it? how did i manifest him back?

if you guys have followed me for a while, you know that i manifested an sp a couple years ago by simply affirming "i love [his name] so much" any time i'd think of him and this would conjure the feeling of the wish fulfilled. (NOT mindless affirming. i'd say it maybe two or three times to catch the feeling and then move on)

ANYWAY so that's what i did! and let me tell you....i was not "perfect" by any means 😭 in fact this manifestation really kinda opened my eyes on how EASY manifestation truly is. like i already knew how easy it was, but damn!

if you know that your desire is promised and that it is coming because you gave it to yourself in imagination (even ONCE) ... there is NOTHING that will stop it. i was gonna make a separate post on this and i tried but i just couldn't articulate it correctly so im going to try again:

it took 12 days to manifest him to unblock me and message me. im sure it would've taken a shorter amount of time if i was more disciplined with myself but it's kinda crazy bc of how UNdisciplined i was 😭 tbh i was just kinda like...unsure if i even wanted to manifest him at all bc thats how much i value my alone time and my independence lol

anyway, i always get asks from people who are stressed and anxious bc they think that in order to manifest your desire, you can never enter the state of lack ever again and that dwelling in negative thoughts will "ruin" your manifestations. but i am here to tell you IT DOES NOT MATTER!!! you do not need to be "perfect"!!!! as long as you are staying faithful to the idea that you have your desire in the 4d, it'll manifest in the 3d.

another thing i see so many people confused and stressed about is whether or not they're naturally thinking from the state. for instance, every time you think of your sp, you think from the end of being in a relationship with them, before you think of the fact that you're not together yet. and let me tell you....while this CAN happen, it's not always gonna happen and it's not necessary. let me tell you, the DAY before my sp reached out, and even the day that he did....i would catch myself thinking about how we weren't together! but the gag is....YOUR THOUGHTS DON'T MANIFEST!!!! yes, they indicate what state you're in, but the actual thoughts themselves don't mean shit!!! they don't manifest. they just don't!

so i'd shift back to the state of being my sp's girlfriend when i'd have these thoughts, but i was fully aware we were not together in my 3d and i never naturally thought of us as being together before i saw any evidence of it in my 3d. all i had was the knowing that my inner man was with my sp, and that since i'd decided i had it in imagination, it would push out into my 3d. because that's how the law works!!! and honestly, that's all you really need. you just need to know that since you gave yourself your desire in your imagination ONE TIME, it WILL manifest. and if you have a true understanding of how the law works and you've read source, you will have no trouble knowing that it will come.

you also do NOT need to be in the state of the wish fulfilled 24/7!!! at all!!!! i cannot stress this enough. and tbh i used to feel the same. i felt like i had to be aware of having my desire in imagination 24/7 or else it wouldn't come. i thought i couldn't perceive the lack or opposite in my 3d or else it wouldn't manifest (see this post about dismissing the 3d btw if u need help with that). but the gods honest truth is that all you need to do is DECIDE you have your desire in imagination & not take no for an answer & KNOW that your desire is GOING TO REFLECT IN YOUR 3D NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

and that's not to say that you wont still get anxious and have intrusive thoughts and be like "oh god what if it never manifests." like... im human and i had those human moments. but i just reminded myself that i know the law and ive proven it to myself many times and i know that it had to manifest.

anyway. back to my sp story!

so for these 12 days that im blocked (lmfao) all i did was affirm "i love [his name] so much" whenever i thought of him until i caught the feeling of the wish fulfilled. that's it. and i knew for a fact that he was mine in the 4d and therefore we'd be together in the 3d bc that's the law!

anyway on friday (5 days ago) at 8pm? im scrolling thru the ulta app and then im like "oh i havent fulfilled myself today i dont think" so i fulfilled myself for like 2 seconds and then get distracted by some product and then two minutes later i get a notif that this guy followed me and then dmed me 😭

it's funny cuz my irls don't know about the law of assumption so i sent them a screenshot and i was like "look who came crawling back" and they were like BOOOOO!!! and i was like no guys!!!!! i created the blocking and i created this like i promise we can trust him 😭😭 hahahaha

anyway. let me tell you. if you are manifesting an sp, DO NOT DO THAT SHIT IN STEPS!!!!! i mean, if you really want to, i can't stop you, but i really don't recommend it.

with my old sp (the one from two years ago) i'd always manifest contact and then get it, and then he'd ghost me and and id have to manifest contact again and it'd be a never ending cycle!!! bc i was just focusing on contact, not on how i felt or how he felt about me.

the reason i loveeee to affirm "i love my sp so much" INSTEAD OF "HE loves ME so much" is because it helps me catch the feeling of the wish fulfilled so much more. not only that, but because remember, THERE IS NO ONE TO CHANGE BUT SELF!!!! changing the way i see my sp and the way i feel about him is all i need to do. im not trying to change him and make him love me lol. this is about me and my inner reality, not him! he'll reflect whatever i am in the 4d

another reason i love affirming this is because TO ME, this is what implies we are already together. whenever im in a relationship, i always find myself laying around all giddy thinking about how obsessed with my bf i am and how i love him so much. so i emulate that when im manifesting an sp.

and it's PERFECT because by jumping straight to the end where we're already together, i don't have to focus on all the things that lead to us being in a relationship. i don't have to manifest him following me, or texting me, or asking me on a date. these things all just happen naturally bc im living in the end.

NOT TO MENTION, it naturally turns your sp into your perfect partner? like remember when i said when we were talking before he blocked me he was kinda dry and he'd just send memes that i didn't find funny? THIS DUDE DID A COMPLETE 180!!!

he's sooo funny, he is the OPPOSITE of dry, he is everything???? and im obsessed.

anyway he unblocked me and dmed me, and then asked for my number and we had such funny and cute convos and then boom 4 days later he asks me on a date and i say no (😭😭😭😭 i was busy) but i agreed to go on a date the next day and the way this boy showed pure unencumbered excitement 🥺 im obsessed

anyway im sorry this is so long? i really just wanted to share how all i did was apply what i've been preaching about on this blog for years and it worked out flawlessly! hopefully this gives you guys some good tips and maybe motivation? <3

#law of assumption #success story

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ms-demeanor · 8 months

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Atheist condolence card like "sucks that your grandpa no longer exists and you'll never see him again, oh well"

I mean, I'm looking for a condolence card for a Jewish family (found a pretty good one, will be adding a note about a shared memory of the deceased and hopes for the mourners that their memory may be a blessing).

But also I have no idea why people find the concept of an afterlife comforting. Legitimately, that is unappealing to me and the idea that I would be artificially separated from the people that I love and reintroduced to them after a period of separation if there was no need for that time of mourning and loss seems. Bullshit? It seems like bullshit? Capricious and cruel at best?

Anyway when my grandpa died we got a phone call when they tossed is ashes into the ocean and we never saw him again! Being reminded that we wouldn't see him in an afterlife wasn't the sad part, the sad part was knowing that we wouldn't know him anymore, that we'd be on one side of a growing divide, that there was a before and an after and we had left him behind while we had to move forward. It wouldn't have been comforting to think "well perhaps someday when I have lived my life without him, I will see him again in a place where nothing from this life (all the things that I have done, all the things that he taught me) will matter because they were worldly and unimportant."

What was comforting at that time, and after the very many family deaths that I have experienced (and I've experienced a lot! I've been comfortable with the idea that I'll never see my loved ones again when they're gone since I was a very small child!), and what I suspect is comforting even for religious people who have experienced a loss is to be reminded of the people who are still on the same side of that dividing line, who we can still love and adore and support and make memories with.

Anyway. I'm an atheist at least partially because of my grandfather, who was a magician and a skeptic and took great joy in skewering the supernatural. It would be an insult to his memory to think that he was an angel lighting up a star in heaven or whatever the christian condolence cards say.

My grandpa did a sexy comedy magical immolation of my grandmother in front of crowds; there was a devil on the flier.

(grandma's the one on the right)

Pictured: Not someone who had much reverence for death or much patience for the supernatural:

(Funny story, when my dad came to visit this week he saw a 2-post 52U server rack on the driveway from a distance and asked me "where did you guys get the guillotine? Did I leave that here?")

But my family is probably *unusually* atheist and irreverent.

For atheists in general I don't know why people think that it's more upsetting to acknowledge the truth (that once people are dead you won't see them anymore) than to be told "comforting" lies (that you will see dead people again at some mystical place that you have no access to or proof of).

I *hate* hearing "they're in a better place" when I'm mourning someone I loved because that's something that's comforting for a religious person to say but dismisses both the way that I mourn and (frequently in my family) the beliefs of the deceased. They are not in a better place, they are *gone* and I don't want to imagine that they're somewhere waiting for me to join them again, I want to remember them for who they were and accept that they aren't in my life anymore.

"They're in heaven now" "they're with the angels now" "they're with their maker" - none of those things are true and they reflect an extremely limited worldview that I don't share and find pretty insipid actually! Thank you for trying to comfort me you are doing a poor job of it I'm going to go hang out and talk to someone who actually knew them and we'll share stories of what an asshole they were and what kind of crazy nonsense they got up to and what a big, important part of our lives they were and we'll start trying to make sense of how to fill the hole left behind with something practical and joyful and fun and honest that they would have loved instead of cardboard angel wings.

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i-heart-hxh · 8 months

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So, a few days ago I found this post on Reddit from 2 years ago (that sadly barely got any attention at the time) that sheds a ton of light on the separation scene between Gon and Killua, and my mind is blown! I've known for years that there was some sort of Togashi "coding" in the dialogue and it was always like I could get halfway to understanding, but this post gives the rest of the puzzle pieces that I was missing, and ties into other scenes that I was uncertain about the meaning of as well. It's heartbreaking, but also hopeful for their future! I had to share it with you all. Please read it!

The original Reddit post has been deleted, but here is a link to the author's Reddit profile. (I received permission from the original author to post this here.)

In-Depth analysis on the Hidden Reasons behind Gon & Killua's separation scene (ep 147) Why Gon is 'Number 2'

The translations across the separation scene in both manga (chp 338) and the anime (ep 147, 2011) have some shortfalls. These dialogues are vital for understanding even the first layer of reasons behind this separation.

REASONS FOR KILLUA'S DELICATELY PLANNED SEPARATION

1. WHEN -

There are very important reasons why Killua picked a specific timing to tell Gon about Alluka. It was Killua's plan all along, to only tell Gon at a moment's notice, to make sure Gon won’t get time to ask any DETAILS. He is deliberately downplaying the seriousness of everything he’s been through to heal Gon, so it will have less impact on Gon, and at the same time, avoid Gon asking details. Prior to healing Gon, Killua specifically asked Morel and Leorio to promise not to tell Gon that he saved him. After Gon was healed, there was a scene in the anime (ep 148) which showed the three spent a night together before reaching the World Tree. During that time, Killua still haven't said anything. It wasn't until the moment when they were literally saying the last goodbye, Killua casually brought up:

“Oh, by the way, this guy healed you."

I want to emphasis the word Killua used to address Alluka was “こいつ”. This is a very light and overly casual word used to address someone you know, and usually a playful guy friend (e.g. “This guy used to be my neighbour.” type of feeling). The manga and anime translation, “She’s the one that healed you,” did not clearly depict the intentional casualness.

2. WHAT was SAID -

If Killua just doesn’t want to burden Gon with guilt and responsibility, then why not just keep his mouth shut and say nothing? That’s because Killua found a better option than not telling Gon anything. Killua shifted the “priority of reasons” a bit, so the VERSION OF EVENTS he told Gon, was PRIORITIZED on Alluka’s rescue rather than healing Gon. This way, they will also get to THANK Gon, and put an emphasis on thanking Gon because Killua make it SEEMED like it was more important to rescue Alluka, that the INITIAL REASON for Killua to go home, was to rescue Alluka. Only AFTER Alluka was freed, they came to the hospital to heal Gon, out of convenience, since only Alluka has the ability to do so, and since she’s now outside. The MAIN motive for these past events has been delicately swapped around by Killua, so the focus switched to the rescue of Alluka, rather than healing Gon. Hence Alluka is “No. 1”, Gon is “No. 2”. Downplaying it so healing Gon was just a bonus convenience (ep 147, 19:12 to 19:51).

Killua then goes on another level to make this version of events seem even more realistic, by saying “….You owe me a lot now,” in a teasing and playful tone of voice. This is to again, downplay the seriousness of everything he’s been through, to comfort Gon that "Yes you owe me one now, but don’t you worry! I will make sure you pay it back okay?! Hehe!”

3. WHY -

The fight with Pitou allowed Killua to witness Gon's ultimately immature mind set when it comes to “repaying someone, and redeeming himself.” Kite lost an arm and his life to protect him. So Gon gave his life and was even more happy when Pitou took his arm too. Gon will always want to “match” what was sacrificed by another, by throwing away AT LEAST the same. Not “sacrificing”, but THROWING AWAY. It’s so immature, so dangerous, no one will be able to keep up with him. Killua was very confident with how much he could take, but even Killua himself is at limit. This ultimate baka!! (ep 136, 17:50 - 20:17)

If this is how far Gon will go for Kite, he can only imagine what Gon would go recklessly into if he knew the DETAILS. This is when Killua decided on a way to part with Gon the way they did, and to PROVIDE him a particular REASON.

“I’m prepared to spent the rest of my life protecting her.”

This is the reason Killua wants Gon to know, but NOT what he actually wants to do with his life. Although it’s true he feels responsible and genuinely wish to protect Alluka and Nanika, but it’s not what he ultimately WANTS to do. He NEEDS to protect Alluka, but he WANTS to spent his entire life by the side of a certain baka…

After the previous events, Killua was traumatized, especially when he saw Gon's twisted decaying arm. That was a breaking point for him, after that, the only thing that matters THE MOST for him is for Gon to be safe. He also realized that in order to protect this baka... it’s better if he keeps a distance for now, until he finds a solution to keep Alluka safe from Illumi and his family.

4. THE PARTING -

By planning this parting with Gon, Killua hopes Gon will become detached from him. And that time and distance will slowly render him less important to Gon. So if he was to die... (because Illumi is hunting them down) he did for Alluka, he did it for the vow to protect Alluka, not Gon. We knew Killua always plans ahead, and here, he plants this reason for Gon in the future so he won’t need to feel responsible if he was to die protecting Alluka (or die with Alluka while Illumi is hunting them). This is what’s going through Killua’s head:

“If I die, you’re not responsible for anything. You don’t owe me anything, so NEVER throw your life away again. My only one wish, is for you to be safe. So here I am. I’m parting ways with you... Because I SAID you are only ... No. 2 ... I SAID you are not the most important to me.. So don’t think of me as the most important to you too….”

This, is Killua’s eternal Devotion.

5. THE RESULT -

As a result of this deliberate planning by Killua,

Gon was made to believe:

While I was recovering in hospital Killua had to go home and rescue his sister

Alluka is such a cute sister and she can grant Killua any wish?!!! Wow…that’s one cool sister…

Well… no wonder Killua thinks his cool sister is more important than me, it’s only natural.

Looks like Killua finally found what he wants to do. He will enjoy traveling the world with such a cool sister, it will be so much fun. I should be happy for him, I can’t hold him here... I have to let him go…

The DETAILS omitted:

Gon was not recovering at all in the hospital. Killua RESORTED to USE Alluka in order to heal Gon.

Alluka’s blood stained dark past and the risks and uncertainty that still involves.

Baka Gon is always No. 1 !

Killua and Alluka are desperately trying to find a way to out of Illumi’s grasp. Illumi is hunting them down and trying to make Killua his puppet again. And this time it's not going to be just a needle in the head... Killua can feel it. And if things doesn’t work out, he will just kill Alluka.

These Reasons are the core of the separation. We have a song named “Reason”… aren’t the lyrics shedding a new layer of light now?

6. IMPORTANT WORDS ALLUKA USED TO FACILITATE A BETTER RELATIONSHIP AFTER REUNION -

Killua promised to “always be together” with Alluka.

But to this promise, Alluka’s response was always silent (episode 145, 3:32 to 4:19). She looked at Killua with deep thought. Because even in such a short amount of time, she realized Killua is doing all this to ALSO or MORE SO protect Gon. It was never just for her, it will never be just for her, and there will never be anyone more important than Gon for Killua. She’s moved by Killua’s devotion and resolve, and she can also feel his sadness…

If, the situation was different, if Gon was never there to begin with, and Killua just happened to solely come to Alluka’s rescue, and then make a promise to stay together with her forever, Alluka’s natural reaction will be melting with happiness, she’d be crying tears of joy, and hugging Killua. But in this instance, she was composed, she sensed her brother’s deep seriousness and sadness. That’s why later on, she reassured the two at parting, that they will see each other again, without disclosing Killua’s true REASONS.

The Exacted words Alluka used (Manga chpt 338, 2011 anime epi 147)

a. Manga translation: “I’m going to HUG my brother for a while and then I will LET HIM GO.”

b. Better translation: “I’m going to have my brother all to myself for a while and then I will let him free.”

c. The exacted phrase: “I’m going to Monopolise my brother Exclusively for a period of time, then I will Release him.”

独り占 (Monopolise Exclusively)

Very strong characters with Explicit meaning. Have it all to oneself. Same characters and meaning used in Chinese as well. （独占）

解放 (Release)

This is much more formal and serious than “let go”. It implies the subject was initially bound/locked/restricted. Also the same characters and meaning used in Chinese.

Alluka employed these words to imply a forceful lead in this “deal” of owning Killua exclusively. These words have an underlying tone of enslavement.

Why? Because Alluka knows, the harder she IMPOSES herself on Killua during their time together, the more effective it would be on the easing of Killua’s own guilt.

Killua felt immensely guilty.

No one will enjoy a relationship bound by guilt.

Alluka knows clearly that part of her brother’s promise, was formed with guilt, from using her and Nanika, that he was having fun with Gon while Alluka was literally forgotten. Although it's true that this was largely due to Illumi's manipulation, but the fact that he did just left her in the basement all this time was both unacceptable and unforgivable to Killua himself (episode 138, 13:28).

Therefore apart from protecting Gon, this was the other important reason for this separation. Almost as if Killua has accepted this as a befitting price to pay in order to redeem himself as a brother.

Alluka and Nanika have no condition nor demand in return for Killua’s requests. But Killua imposed a price on himself for having Gon healed. Out of guilt. Alluka knows, Nanika knows. That’s why Alluka used the word 解放 (release), because it will make Killua feel better, that he has complied with her ‘enslavement’, so when the time comes, Killua will be able to release HIMSELF from guilt, and go back to Gon, properly. Alluka loves her brother, and she’s prepared to help him towards a better relationship with Gon in the future, by helping him to eliminating this chain of guilt.

lol Alluka totally ships Gon and Killua ! XD

Thank you for reading.

#hunter x hunter #hxh #killugon #gonkillu #gon #killua #alluka #meta #PLEASE read this post if you have lingering questions and confusion about the separation!#like most of us do!#I think it's incredibly helpful and explains so much #having this makes a big difference to me in how I interpret the meaning and reasons for the separation #and what Togashi did and did not tell us with it

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leclercsbunny · 8 months

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maybe if you loved me ♡ c. sainz

part five ♡ masterlist

anasainzvdec posted a story 12m ago

blanca watches you convene with ana animatedly, nodding and laughing along with the both of you as per usual, though she held an air of reservation and restraint, being deep in thought.

"sorry, i have an urge to use the restroom again." you sheepishly cut through her story.

"again? your bladder's gotten small or something?" ana comments amusedly.

"let me go with you." blanca stands up from her seat, making a face. "i think the oj got to me aswell." you gestured towards her smugly, as if to tell ana; look, i'm not alone in my struggles.

"fine, but hurry back." she playfully rolls her eyes.

blanca hooks her arm around yours, and you both depart to the restroom. you made small talk on the way, and went to do your business separately.

when you left the stall to wash your hands, blanca was already there. she looked as if she was... waiting for you. she looked serious, and somehow, bothered.

"is everything alright?" you ask her, feeling your heart drop.

"i say this out of the love i have for you and carlos." blanca utters slowly, watching your expression change. "but does he know?"

"i don't know what you're talking about, blanca." you wave her off, suddenly turning defensive.

"i'm sorry if i'm overstepping... but i cannot help but notice all these, very subtle tells." she says softly, not wanting you to get agitated. "you're suddenly queasy when it comes to certain foods, and you're drawn to sweets. like, crazy partial to them. you use the bathroom often, your waist is just.." she measures it with her hand. "and i think we've cultivated a friendship comfortable enough for a brazen comment about the evident size of your... nether regions."

"blanca," you hiss, feeling your cheeks warm with both embarassment and indignance, as you cover your body from her all knowing gaze. "i don't like what you're implying."

"and you didn't drink coffee. you need your coffee, you're like a.." she sniffles, suddenly finding it difficult to maintain her own composure, "fish when you drink those latte's."

"why are you crying?" you push her shoulders, feeling your own nose itch from the buildup of emotions threatening to just spill and topple the both of you. "this is your own freaking fault that we're having this conversation. be woman enough to finish it."

"you're pregnant." she said it with certainty, eyes welling up with tears, she didn't know wether from happiness or sadness. maybe both. it was supposed to be a joyful moment, one which had been your dream for such a long time. but instead your eyes were both red from the complexities of your current emotions, the information tainted with the knowledge of your current realities. "how far long?" she asks.

"still not sure." you rectify with a broken voice, wiping your tears away. "i took some pt, but i've been delaying the blood tests."

"makes sense," blanca reaches out to grasp your shaky hands, "what do you plan to do?"

"i don't know." you reply honestly. "i can only ever think about matteo, and.. and..." you shake your head resolutely, "i don't want anything to change with him."

"things are going to change, but it doesn't always mean a bad one." she tells you, "i know you're at odds with carlos, but— will you tell him?"

you shake your head, "he doesn't need to know." yet even you found it hard to believe.

"he's the father, y/n." blanca reminds you softly, "i know he's done something horrible, and there's no reason to his actions.... but it will crush him."

"he has a very fickle sense of loyalty, and i'm tired of waiting for him to change." you reply. "i don't need his wavering devotion in my baby's life. please understand me, blanca." you tell her pleadingly.

f1chai the carlos-yn-daniel drama bubbles over with more controversy as yn is embroiled in a shocking pregnancy scandal. spanish news outlets broke the news over the weekend, claiming the spaniard's long time, now ex girlfriend, has secretly been seeing one of the best child-rearing physician in madrid— neither carlos, nor daniel have been accompanying her, but one of the sainz' sister was discreetly pictured on one of her visits. this led many to speculate that yn is indeed with child, and have been for some time. the question of wether it is sainz's or ricciardo's have yet to be answered. the parties involved had declined to comment on this matter.

username what the fuck

username IS CARLOS A SHARP HITTER OR SOMETHING ?!?

username am not believing this until further notice

username LIES !! character defaming ones !! SUE EVERYONE !!

username LAWSUIT LAWSUIT LAWSUIT

username seriously why the fuck are people following her anyways...

username right !! she's a normal citizen and these people are all up in her business 🙄

username seriously. let the girl breathe fs

username wrong on so many levels

username this is better than any telenovalas 😭😭

username who's the daddy ? 🤨

username MAMMA MIA ??

username are we even doubting carlos... that man has a whole ass son

username just why? yn already had it good 😭😭😭

username she was running then tripped

username on sainz's lap...

username have to give it to him. well done !!

username get the bag i guess !!

username yeah 😭😭 atleast her baby daddy isn't some brokie 😭😭

username he's a cheater though

username **serial cheater

username 😭😭😭😭

#f1 x reader #f1 x y/n #f1 x you #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 x you #formula 1 x y/n #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz x you #carlos sainz x y/n #carlos sainz x female reader #carlos sainz #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo x you #daniel ricciardo x y/n #f1 smau #f1 fluff #f1 social media au #f1 x female reader #f1

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seaofwine · 7 months

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What do you like about the Odyssey? Besides some entertaining episodes (e.g. Circe or Calypso), I've never really been able to get into the Odyssey as a whole (I find the first 5 books especially dull). The Iliad really speaks to me more.

It's hard to really pinpoint what I like most about it but I love to talk about the Odyssey so I hope you like long posts hahaha

The first five books act as the exposition. When the Iliad ends, there's a general understanding that most of the surviving characters made it home. Menelaus and Helen have reunited, the catalyst for the Trojan War has been resolved. Agamemnon traversed the sea and made it back, and although he was killed by his wife Clytemnestra, there is no question about where he is; unlike Odysseus.

Telemachus has spent his entire youth without a father. When he finally decides to set out from Ithaca to find any leads on where Odysseus is, he is confronted with the fact that most everyone else has been accounted for. He sees Menelaus and Helen, the order of their kingdom, the comfort they have in each other and the bonds they have restored. Telemachus has known nothing but uncertainty, while his mother is forced to weave lies and deceptions to keep the suitors that plague their home at bay. The first five books really show how important one man can be when he is utterly lost, and what it would mean for everyone who loves him should he be found. These books also show the close interest that Athena, as patron of Odysseus, takes in his family. She steps into the chaos of Ithaca and gives Telemachus the inspiration to embark on his own journey, chasing the ghost of his still-living father.

When we finally reach Odysseus, he is not the same man that those who knew him in Troy described. They are the closest Telemachus can come to knowing what came of his father, but even they are separated by nearly a decade and the breadth of the sea. Penelope hasn't laid eyes on her husband in twenty years, there is no overestimating what that can do to a person's memory. Odysseus's first action is to cry. When finally Calypso is forced to allow Odysseus to leave, by order of Hermes, he makes his own raft and leaves at the first possible moment. He is fighting against the will of Poseidon, against the wrath he incurred, all alone. He has lost every single one of his men, every single person who could ever vouch for his identity, in a world where no one could recognize him, is gone. Despite this, he is still fighting to get back to Ithaca.

Odysseus is so utterly human in the text. When he is hosted by Alcinous, Odysseus asks the singer there to recount the story of the Trojan Horse. It's like landing at the doorstep of a stranger who graciously allows you to stay and immediately asking his DJ to play *your own* greatest hits - which in turn only upsets him. This also sets up the dramatic reveal of his identity (I like to imagine him looking around like, you guys remember this one? Yeah that's Me, I pinkie promise. Please give me 4000 drachmae and your best oarsmen (: ).

He recounts the story of how he got so utterly lost on the way back and one thing the Odyssey will tell you, to your face over and over again, is that Odysseus is a big time liar. But for some reason, his tale is so compelling it's hard to remind yourself of that when hearing it for the first time. Some points are so beyond baffling (like striking Polyphemus in the singular eye the poor sod has, and then once to the safety of his boat (which is on open water, the domain of said cyclops's father) loudly announcing his full gods-given name and mailing address, just in case anyone missed who it was) that it's like, yeah that was probably exactly what he did. This is the section of the story where we see Odysseus as he sees himself. This is his own reflection of the actions he made and the troubles that befell him because of it.

Odysseus is such a complex character that one of the epithets he is given is "polytropos", the many-faced or many-sided. Odysseus and his relationship to his own identity, which he can shed and don at any point that's convenient for him, is one of the main reasons I am obsessed with his story. This, and the exploration in an ancient text about what a close relationship with a deity, is something I am constantly thinking about.

#odyssey #ask #odysseus #i just really love him ok? ok

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ahgasegotarmy116 · 4 months

Text

Seven Days to Fall Again | Friday | Jeon Jungkook

Inspired by the MV "Seven" by Jung Kook ft. Latto (obvi lol) Summary:Caught in the rain, trying to get to you. You tried to go out to clear your head but he wants to make sure you know he's always looking out for you. Pairing: Reader x Jungkook (almost exes to lovers lol) Word Count: 4.3k (longest chapter so far lol) Warnings: Smut (too lazy to add specifics lol), Explicit language that's it lol a/n: Hey guys so uh...got a little carried away with this one but I said this a little while ago but Friday really didn't have much of a plot in the mv so I kinda just went with whatever felt right. I hope you like it! Let me know what you think! p.s. barely edited and written in one sitting but I figured I might as well post it lol Start from the beginning

I'm going out tonight, nothing major or anything I just wanted to go out so I can get him off my mind even if it's only for a few hours.

Walking into the restaurant I'm greeted with a big group of my colleagues and I slide in next to one of the girls while I greet everyone. A couple of minutes later we all settle back into our own separate conversations with one of the many not so comfortable ones about to start.

"You look like shit" Kayla whispers to me. She's my best friend so I'm used to her being this honest but it still comes as a surprise sometimes. "Thanks Kay" I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes at her before taking a sip of water.

"No but for real what's wrong? You've been ignoring me for the past few days and then suddenly you're inviting everyone out like nothings happened?" she questions, knowing that something's up. "What's wrong with inviting people out? I'm sorry I haven't been answering you, I've have a busy couple of days" I say, not necessarily lying but knowing that I had the time to respond to her if I wanted to.

I decided to just take what I had hoped for was a step back for a second to just do me but then I ended up dealing with Jungkook chasing me around instead so everything else just seemed like it was too much. "Whatever" Kayla says taking a sip of her beer, knowing I'm lying but deciding not to push it. If it were just the two of us I know she would shake me until I spit it out but she knows better than to do that in front of everyone.

"So y/n, how are things going? We thought that Jungkook would've come with you" one of the girls at the other end of the table says with her boyfriend right next to her nodding in agreement. "Oh he had to work late" I say giving a simple excuse hoping they'll drop it and luckily they do. Before we're able to move on though my eyes widen in horror as I see the devil himself walking into the restaurant and look around until he spots me, giving me a soft smile with an unreadable expression.

"Hey guys" Jungkook says awkwardly but comes up to sit next to me and gives me a kiss on the cheek to make things seem normal, being able to tell from my body language alone that I haven't told anyone about the breakup yet.

"Hi Noona" he whispers in my ear making me shiver. I scold myself for letting my body betray me but I can't really do much to change it anymore. I pull away from him and take another drink of water trying to cover up things but I can tell from the slight smile on his face he know he's still got a hold on me.

"Oh Jungkook! Y/n was just saying how you couldn't come because you were working late" the same girl asks, curious for an explanation. I know she means well but this girl just doesn't know when to quit. "Oh I wanted to surprise her" he says draping his arm around the back of my chair. It's luckily an answer that satisfies all of them and the conversation switches to another topic soon after.

"What are you doing here?" I turn and whisper to him, making sure the people around us definitely won't hear. "I went by the apartment and I saw that you weren't there and I got worried. You still share your location with me so I wanted to come and make sure you were okay" he says placing his hand on my thigh as a way to show his sincerity and also play the part of still being a happy couple.

"Well as you can see I'm fine so you can leave now" I say and pull back giving him a pointed look but before he can respond another person from the group speaks up. "What are you two love birds talking about over there?" one of the guys teases. "Wouldn't you like to know" Jungkook says with a smug smile taking the burden of having to come up with an excuse off of me.

"How have things been with you guys though? It's been a while since either of you have been out with us?" another girl asks. When did tonight become a ask y/n and Jungkook 20 questions? Why can't we just drink and eat and talk about anything but us, even though there's not really an 'us' right now.

"Things have been good, yeah we're- oh look the food is here!" I start but I'm thankfully given an excuse to turn the topic to something else as the waiters place all of the various side dishes in front of us as well as the raw meat to grill with everyone's minds are now focused on getting everything ready to eat.

Jungkook gets a piece of meat off the grill and adds it to his ssam and I go to do the same but as soon as I'm putting the finishing touches on mine Jungkook holds his out and offers it to me. "Open" he says, urging me to let him feed me and I give him a dead pan expression, annoyed that he would even go this far.

I look around the table and see the others taking little glances at us and commenting on how cute we are and so I turn my eyes back over to him and open my mouth for him to put in and he does so happily, watching attentively and making sure I don't choke on anything.

Once I've chewed a bit I continue filling the one I was working on and instead overfill it and hold it out for Jungkook to eat. He looks down at it, intimidated by the size but once I cock a brow at him he opens his mouth receiving it and the next second I shove it into his mouth, leaving him coughing and struggling to get it down.

"Is he okay?" one of the guys asks me. "Oh yeah he's fine don't worry about it. Aren't you honey?" I say, daring him to say otherwise and he simply holds up an 'okay' sign with his hand as he coughs and tries his best to chew and swallow everything down which annoyingly he's able to do.

"How did that taste love?" I whisper to him with a sickeningly sweet smile, payback for him showing up here even though he knew I wouldn't want him here. "Was that really necessary?" he questions after taking a few gulps of water. "Was you coming here really necessary? I told you to leave me alone" I whisper to him and at this point I sound like a broken record.

"I want to talk to you though" he responds doing just the same. "And until you let me I'm just gonna keep showing up and bothering you until you give me a chance to do so" he says, finally admitting to his nonsense tactic to getting his way, clearly making his younger age show. I stand up abruptly, and decide that I have given up on keeping up appearances and make moves to leave.

"Sorry guys I'm not feeling well so I think I'm gonna get going" I say and open my purse and hand Kayla twenty dollars to cover my part of the bill. "You okay?" she asks and I say yes but she can clearly see that I'm not. "I'll be fine guys don't worry I'm just gonna head home and get some rest" I say and when I start to walk away Jungkook follows after also following suit to give Kayla more than enough to cover for us.

"You can stay here and have fun with them" I says sweetly, putting up an act for them but using it as a threat to him. "No it's okay Jungkook go help take care of her we'll see you guys next time" one of them says but before I'm able to disagree Jungkook jumps in. "Thanks for everything guys" he responds before ushering the both of us towards the exit.

Before we step outside the door though we finally notice it's started to rain, and not just rain but a full on downpour. "When did it start raining?" I ask looking at the world outside as it looks a though it had been raining for ages already. "It looked kind of cloudy when I came in but it wasn't raining yet" he says, just as shocked by the sight.

"Lemme call us a cab" he says and pulls out his phone to do so. "No I can get one myself" I say and take a deep breath before walking out, no rain jacket, no umbrella, nothing. I just need to get away from here and away from him as soon as possible. "Y/n where are you going?" he says and runs after me and before I'm even able to try and hail a cab I can clearly see that there are none in sight.

"Just come back inside and we can wait for one and if you want we can even take separate cabs" he offers trying to meet me halfway. "No, I don't need your help" I say and blindly start walking away, hoping he will just go back inside and leave me alone "Noona wait it's too dangerous!" he calls after me but I don't even bother looking back.

"You know you're going the wrong way right?" he yells, hoping to get me to turn around and let him help me. "I don't care" I yell back and start walking faster. "Where are you going?" he yells, making sure to still stay close. "Away from you" I say and keep going on my journey to no where.

"Just let me help you get home okay, please" he begs but I don't budge, I'm gonna keep walking until he gets tired and finally leaves me alone. "You know I'm not letting you walk these streets all by yourself right? As long as you're out here I'm staying with you" he say, seeing right through me but I keep walking anyway.

~~~~~~

I keep walking and walking until we've come to that same bookshop I had been in just yesterday, finally taking notice of just how far I've walked. I finally stop and catch my breath for a second, trying to figure out what the hell kind of point I'm trying to prove here but I can't come up with one that is big enough to do something ridiculous like this.

He catches up to me a few seconds later and just stands beside me, not trying to get closer and not bothering to say anything since he knows it would probably just make me even more angry.

We stand there for a second and I look up at the sky, taking a deep breath before looking back over at him where he's just standing there and looking at the wet ground around me, not making eye contact with me either, just making sure that I know that he's going to be right here standing next to me no matter what I say.

I take another deep breath and swallow my pride before holding my hand out for him to take. He shifts his weight away from me and just stares at it for a second, trying to figure out what caused a change in heart that I would not only stop but ask for him to grab my hand.

"So you gonna take it or not?" I ask getting irritated that he's taking too long to make up his mind and at that he reaches his hand out quickly and places it in mine before looking back up at me with a questioning gaze. Instead of responding I just tug on his hand and turn us both around to walk back the way we just came and start heading back home.

~~~~

Once we get to the door I immediately grab my keys and open up, letting the both of us inside. "Fuck I'm freezing" I say taking off my shoes and stripping off my sweater, forgetting the tiny tank top I'm wearing without a bra and I don't even notice until I turn back around and see that he's staring at my chest, nipples cold and hard and when he he notices I'm staring at him he looks up at me with an intensity I haven't seen in a while.

I look at him, drinking in his figure as well seeing how soaked his white t-shirt is and how his pants are clinging to his thighs. I gulp and look back up at his face where his eyes have gotten even darker from observing how I was checking him out as well.

He takes a few steps towards me and I stumble back against a wall and am forced to watch as he takes a few steps closer until he's looking right down at me. He takes his hand and reaches for the one he had been holding before and then brings it up to his lips giving it a kiss.

"Why did you let me in?" he questions, his voice deeper and a bit strained from breathing in the cold air from the journey here. "I-i don't know" I whisper and my eyes flick down to his lips unconsciously and he takes that as a sign to keep going.

He places his other hand on my cheek and I flinch a bit at how cold it is but lean into it a few seconds later, welcoming the fluttering feeling it stirs my my stomach. He leans down and rests his forehead against mine causing me to close my eyes, feeling like I'm burning under his intense gaze.

"What are you doing to me?" he whispers and all I can do is try not to whimper in response. He tilts my chin up and brings his face closer and rubs his nose up against mine making me feel breathless at the slightest sign of intimacy no matter how small and I find myself unconsciously wrapping my arms around his neck. He in turn leans in and closes the distance between us, kissing me softly but still coaxing a whimper out of me, missing the feeling off being wanted by him.

He moulds his lips against mine and brushes his tongue along my bottom lip and I open my mouth at the feeling, letting him use his tongue to explore my mouth, making butterflies fly in my stomach and leaving me moaning softly as I welcome him in.

I take my hands off of his shoulders and feel for his jacket and start to push it off of him which he obliges and I reach for his shirt and push it up to help him take it off and he parts from my lips only for a second to slip it over his head. I touch his bare skin and even though we were so wet and cold his skin has already started to heat up leaving me not being able to take my hands off of him.

My hands travel up and down his abs and pecks that have both gotten more defined since the last I had seen them and before I'm able to think about it any more he trails his hands down my hips and continues to trail them down and grabs the inside of my thighs before he breaks apart our lips again telling me to jump and I do immediately, kissing him as he walks us both back to the bedroom.

Once we get there he helps me out of my tank top and traces his hands along my bare back while pressing me closer into him our chest now flush against each other while it almost feels like he's trying to hold me even closer, not letting go and devouring my mouth until he trails his hands along my curves and fiddles with the button of my pants and waits for me to say something before actually taking them off.

Still kissing me I part for a second and utter a hurried 'yes' before he's unzipping them and taking everything off leaving me completely bare and I help him get out of the rest of his clothes right after.

We both fall onto the bed together and never stop kissing and I part my legs for him to lay between. He runs a finger along my slit making me whimper against his lips as he teases my clit and then circles it around my entrance and then slowly slips a finger in making me let out a restrained moan, being sensitive from not having been touched by him for so long.

"Shit" he says feeling how tight I am just from putting in one finger and working it in and out of me, coaxing me to stretch out for him. "Jungkook" I whimper when he adds another digit and he swears again at how much I'm clenching around them. "Relax baby" he whispers rubbing his thumb against my clit in circles to help me calm down and open up enough so he can slip another finger in.

"I haven't fucked you properly in a while huh?" he says between kisses, curling his fingers up inside of me making a breathy moan spill past my lips as I squeeze my eyes shut. "I don't know if this tiny cunt can even take me anymore. Do you think it can?" he asks rubbing his nose up against mine while he curls his fingers inside me again.

I nod my head but he's not satisfied, "Words Noona. Do you think this pretty little cunt can take me again?" he pushes and rubs his thumb around my clit again while thrusting his fingers inside of me. "Yes" I moan out and he luckily decides not to tease any longer.

"That's a good girl" he says before taking his fingers out of me and placing them in his mouth, savoring my taste before he leans down and kisses me again "Almost forgot how sweet you taste" he says and before I'm able to even think about responding he pushes the tip inside making me let out a breathy moan.

"Fuck I missed this" he says pushing in a bit more, giving me time to adjust before going in further. "Jungkook" I whimper, not being able to focus on anything but the sensation of feeling him bare and going deeper and deeper. "I know baby, I know" he says pushing in more while placing a kiss on my temple before bottoming out.

"Looks like this pretty cunt is greedy isn't she?" he says while rubbing my clit, helping me get used to him. He rests his forehead against mine and lets labored breaths in and out, relishing in the feeling of my walls clenching around him. I nod my head and he takes it as a sign to move and he pulls out half way before pushing all the way in, setting a more gentle, sensual pace that leaves my brain fogging up with thoughts of only him.

He pulls out all the way and presses back into me inch by inch, savoring how my walls are sucking him in. "Please, faster" I say, throwing my head back on the pillow, dying from the slow building feeling of my orgasm, wanting to be granted release sooner. "Patience Noona" he taunts and he presses back in but pulls out and gives me a shallow hard thrust leaving my back arching up into him.

He quickens his pace and starts kissing on my neck, leaving marks in his wake and soon thrusting into me harder while I let out restrained moans. "No Noona let me hear you, I wanna hear you scream my name" he growls and starts thrusting into me at an animalistic pace. "Fuck Jungkook" I moan, starting to get closer to my release.

"What is it pretty?" he says slowing down the pace, leaving me whining at the feeling of my high coming down again. "No" I say throwing my head back into the pillows, hating that he robbed me of it. "No what? I just gave you a chance to tell me what you wanted, I couldn't hear you over all of your moaning" and he punctuates his sentence with a sharp thrust earning him a choked moan coming out of me and feeling me squeeze around him.

"Does Noona wanna cum?" he taunts, giving me another sharp thrust. "Jungkook please" I beg, pulling him closer to kiss him but he stops before our lips touch. "I don't know what you want me to do unless you tell me" he says, lips brushing against mine but not close enough to kiss.

"I wanna cum, please" I breathe out and at that I see a mischievous glint flash in his eyes before he kisses me and pounds into me harder than he had before and swallowing all of my moans of pleasure.

"You close?" he questions after a while, already being able to feel the answer but making me say it nonetheless. "Shit y-yes so close k-keep going" I stutter, about to tip over the edge and seconds later it all comes crashing down, leaving me arching into him and dragging my nails along his back and he groans at the feeling and cums seconds after that, fucking us both through our highs.

Once he's emptied out he keeps on thrusting until I whine from over stimulation and kisses me while he pulls out, me hating the feeling of being empty again. He lays down on top of me for a second as we both catch our breaths but soon rolls off and lays next to me while we both take a second to slow down our breathing.

Without a word he sits up and walks over to my side and scoops me up in his arms. "What are you doing?" I ask throwing my arms around his neck. "You need to go to the bathroom and then we need to clean up he says, making decisions for what I need to do before giving me an option like always but I decide not to mention it this time, staying silent and waiting for him to put me down.

He sets me down on my feet and turns around to turn on the shower and walks out into the hallway to get us both towels, giving me a bit of privacy to do my business before coming back in. When he comes back he opens the shower door for me and lets me walk in, holding on to make sure I don't fall before coming in after me.

We both stand there in the shower getting warm under the water as the doors and mirrors get fogged up in turn.

Neither of us talks for a while until he puts some body wash in his hands and lathers it up before rubbing it onto my back and shoulders, talking his time to wash me from head to toe, cleaning and massaging all of me to make sure to loosen me up so I won't get sore.

He's does this every time we have sex, or had sex since it's been a while and I welcome it, hating and loving the feeling. Feeling guilty about letting him take care of me like this when all I've done is push him away.

As he finishes up he takes my shampoo and conditioner and washes my hair as well before rinsing everything off of me and switching places with me gently so he's in the direct stream of water so he can wash himself as well.

While he has his arms up and is scrubbing his scalp I wrap my arms around him from behind and rest my cheek against his back. "This was a mistake" I mumble and at that he freezes before hurrying to rinse the shampoo out of his hair so it doesn't get in either of our eyes.

"Is that how you truly feel?" he asks, sounding disheartened but knowing that something like this was going to happen if I still wanted to push him away. "Yeah. Well, I don't know" I say, being honest with honestly not knowing how I feel.

He turns around to face me and looks down while cupping my face in both of his hands. "Do you want me to leave?" he asks, his eyes going back and forth between mine searching my face for answers and finding the one that says I want him to leave and he utters an silent okay before I even have a chance to say anything.

He opens the shower door and closes it behind him, taking one of the towels and drying off his hair quickly before wrapping it around his waist and walking out of the bathroom. I let out a pained sigh and feel a rush of emotions flood my system with senses of doubt in all of my dealings with this.

'Do I want him to go? Do I want him to stay? Do I want to be with him? Do I want to break up?' those as well as many more are the questions that go round and round in my head without answers.

The thing that breaks me out of that circular train of thought though is the sound of the front door closing behind him as he walks out and the next is the sound of my sobs as I hit the floor, finally let my heart break.

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03jyh23 · 5 days

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— i'm not afraid anymore || choi jongho (the fear still lingers part 2)

ex-boyfriend!idol!jongho x ex-girlfriend!single-mom!reader

synopsis: reuniting after years of being apart, you reveal to Jongho that he is the father of your four-year-old daughter

genre: angst, a slice of life, a bit of fluff

trigger warnings: unplanned pregnancy, single parenthood, financial problems mentioned, emotional conflict, intense discussions about parenthood and relationships

words: 12.8 k

reminder: what you're about to read is purely fiction, so let's keep it separate from reality.

!minors do not interact!

— hi there! so it's finally out 😭😭😭 i kept you waiting long enough, didn't i? so, i once again wrote about parenthood... i'm sure some of you expected this story to go in a whole other direction, but i still hope this is a nice surprise! i wanted to dedicate this one to @jjongbearshoney, who's been waiting for it since the first part was posted. i know it's long and i've tried to make this part shorter, but i couldn't force myself to delete any of it. i'm hopeful some of you will still choose to read this.

love, monika. ♡

if you enjoyed this post, i'd be so grateful for a little love – a like, reblog or comment would truly make my day!

you

"Mommy?" Your daughter tightened her grip on your hand as you walked home from preschool. You hummed in response, looking down at her. "Why is it just you and me?" she asked, furrowing her brow.

"What do you mean, Nari?" your daughter paused; her big eyes filled with fear. "You know you can tell Mommy everything," you added when she hesitated.

"Why don't I have a dad like my friends?" she finally asked. Your heart dropped. You knew this day would come when Nari would start comparing her family to others, but you were unprepared for the moment. You had never discussed Jongho with Nari; the last thing you wanted was for her to hate him for his absence. She had never asked before, so you had hoped that the time would never come when she would become curious about her dad. But as she grew older and started to understand the world around her, you knew that this question was inevitable.

What you did instead of talking about Jongho, you introduced Nari to ATEEZ. Since she was little, you would play their songs, and she grew up dancing in your arms to them. You two would spend time together, sitting in front of the television and watching their shows. With every episode, every song, and every interview, her admiration for the band continued to grow. It was a shared experience, one that brought you both closer together, and her love for the band grew right along with her. What made everything better was that Nari's favorite member of ATEEZ was Wooyoung. You couldn't help but think about how disappointed Jongho would be if he ever found out. His own daughter had chosen another member as her favorite. It was a thought that often brought a smile to your face.

You never once resented Jongho for choosing his music career over you. You understood that he was born to be on stage, to pour his soul into his music. Your heart was shattered when you two parted ways, but then you discovered you were pregnant with Nari. You knew then that you had to be strong and that you had to be the best mom possible for her. It was challenging, especially when she was born and bore such a striking resemblance to Jongho. It played with your emotions sometimes.

You knelt to meet her gaze. Her round face, sweet cheeks, and hazel-brown eyes each time reminded you of the man you once loved.

"Nari, your daddy is really busy," you began, unsure of how to continue the conversation. "But Mommy is sure he loves you very much," you reassured as you smoothed her hair, attempting to smile. "I know your friends' daddies are around." You tried to keep your voice steady, swallowing the lump in your throat. "Just because he's not here, doesn't mean he doesn't love you," you told her, seeking to comfort both her and you.

With a certain sadness in her eyes, she expressed her wishes, "I'd really like it if he wasn’t so busy all the time," she complained. As she pouted, a wave of empathy washed over you, causing your heart to break for her.

"I know, baby," you whispered, your voice barely audible as you fought to control the emotion threatening to overwhelm you. "Do you want me to tell you more about your daddy?" you asked softly, ready to share the stories of you two. Nari nodded, and a smile finally appeared on her pretty face. ‘’Alright so we will buy you your favorite ice cream and you can ask whatever you want, how does this sound?’’ Without uttering a word, Nari gently nodded and stretched out her hand towards you. Accepting her silent invitation, you felt the warmth of her delicate fingers in yours. As you walked hand in hand, you could see the excitement in her eyes as she pulled you in the direction of her most adored destination - her favorite local ice cream store.

Entering the store, you ordered the ice cream and chose a seat next to the window. A sense of nervousness washed over you at the thought of speaking so openly about Jongho after all those years. But you knew deep down, it was time to face it. You took a deep breath, staring out the window as you waited for your order. The streets were busy with people going about their day. The ice cream arrived, a sweet distraction, but it did nothing to quell the anxiety churning in your stomach. You picked up your spoon and took the first bite, letting the familiar taste flood your senses.

"Tell Mommy, what do you want to know?" you finally asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over the small store. You held your breath, waiting for her reply, bracing yourself for the questions that were bound to come from your curious four-year-old. Nari thought for a moment, her small brow furrowing in concentration.

"Everything," she finally said, her voice soft, eyes sparkling with curiosity. "I want to know everything." You chuckled at her response; it was moments like these that made motherhood such an incredible journey. You took her small hand in yours,

"I met your dad at a coffee shop," you started, your voice filled with nostalgia."It was a warm summer afternoon, just like today. He walked in, and when I saw him, it was as if time had stopped for that moment."

Nari was thoroughly enjoying her lemon ice cream as she continued to savor her treat, she curiously glanced over at you. She wondered if her dad also shared her love for this dessert. With a playful smile still smeared on her ice cream-covered lips, she asked, "Did he order ice cream?"

You giggled at her question, "No, I think he ordered an iced americano." You remember the day as if it was yesterday. Jongho had ordered and chose to sit at the furthest table possible. You were sitting close to the cash desk, stealing glances at him sometimes, admiring him. He was writing something in a big notebook, so engrossed that he didn't hear the barista calling him to pick up his order. So, you decided to test your luck and brought his coffee to him. As you approached him, your heart pounded in your chest. It was as though you could hear it echoing throughout the quiet café. You set the coffee down gently on his table, not wanting to disturb his concentration. Startled, he looked up and locked eyes with you. His eyes were warm and inviting, a soft 'thank you' escaping his lips. You returned the sentiment with a shy smile, not trusting yourself to say anything.

"Why would he order coffee when he could have an ice cream?" Nari asked, finding it strange that someone would choose coffee over ice cream.

"Your dad is a little bit different, Nari," you said, smiling gently. "He really loved his coffee. He said it helped him think and focus. But don't worry, he loved ice cream too. Just like you, he had a sweet tooth."

"Will Daddy buy me ice cream next time?" she asked as she was finishing her dessert.

"I'm sure he would love to," you replied, smiling at her. "One day, if he's not too busy, I'm sure he'll take you to get ice cream. Would you like that?" Nari nodded eagerly, her eyes lighting up at the prospect. Just the thought of spending a day with her dad made her heart flutter with joy. You knew what needed to happen next. You had to create an opportunity for her to meet Jongho. Even though it might hurt, Nari should meet her dad at least once. Her happiness was most important. You knew you needed to put your own feelings aside for her. This next step might be hard and painful, but as her mom, you knew it was what you should do.

"Then Mommy will make sure Daddy will take you next time," you promised, your heart aching at the hopeful look in her eyes. You would do whatever it took to give her the happiness she deserved.

On your way back home, you felt a sense of relief wash over you. This heartfelt conversation with Nari had helped clear your mind. Finally talking about the man, you loved brought you a strange sense of nostalgia, yet you also felt content. After all these years, you have finally been able to share your story, your feelings, and your past with your daughter. It was as if a burden you didn’t even know you were carrying had been lifted from your shoulders. The walk home was peaceful, the cool evening breeze brushing against your face as the last rays of the setting sun painted the sky in hues of pink and orange.

In no time, you reached your apartment complex. Nari was running around the playground with the neighbor's puppy chasing after her. She was the sweetest creature. She was fascinated by the world, loved animals, and her soul was just so pure. You felt an immense amount of happiness to be her mom.

"Grandma!" Nari exclaimed, her face lighting up with sheer joy the moment she spied her grandma approaching from a distance. Upon arrival, your mother warmly greeted Nari with a tender embrace. After a moment, they both made their way over to where you were standing. You were taken aback, surprised to see your mother in your presence without any prior notice.

With a puzzled expression, you turned towards her and asked, "Mom, why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"I wanted to see you and Nari," your mother admitted, her voice warm. You could see the sincerity in her eyes. You could feel the lump forming in your throat as you listened to her. It was a comforting reassurance, knowing you weren't alone in this. "And I hoped I would be welcomed for dinner," she said with a playful tone in her voice while gently placing Nari on the ground. A glint of laughter shone in her eyes.

"Absolutely," you responded, your smile wide and welcoming. The sincerity in your voice was enough to assure her that the invitation was genuine. You reached down and took one of Nari's small hands in yours, feeling the softness of her tiny fingers against your palm. Your mom mirrored your action, reaching for Nari's other hand, her fingers wrapping around the little one's hand with a natural gentleness. For a moment, the three of you stood there, a small, connected chain, silent and content in each other's company. Then, with Nari's laughter filling the air around you, you all began to move, making your way to your small apartment. The moment was simple, yet filled with a warmth that spoke of familiarity, of home.

You finally reached your floor and stepped into the comforting familiarity of your apartment. As the door closed behind you, a wave of relief washed over you. This was your sanctuary, your escape from the hustle and bustle of the outside world. Your apartment was small, with one room occupied by Nari, and a combined living room and kitchen where you also slept. The bathroom was big enough to fit a bathtub and a washing machine. It was far from perfect, but nobody truly knows how hard it is to be a single mom, barely making ends meet, especially when you were still so young. Sometimes, you felt ashamed of the way you lived your life, as you wanted Nari to grow up in a better place, a home with a beautiful garden and a seesaw. But you could barely afford this apartment, buying a new house was never an option. So, you took a lot of care to ensure that your apartment was always neat and clean. Every item had its own place, and there was a sense of order and tranquility that pervaded the space.

You found Nari, tired yet excited from the day's activities, eagerly awaiting your attention. With gentle hands and a warm smile, you took her to her room and helped her change into more comfortable clothes. Nari’s room was everything she had ever dreamed of. It was her own little wonderland that mirrored her innocent dreams and youthful enthusiasm. All her favorite toys were thoughtfully displayed around the room, adding to its charm and making it a truly magical place for her. The toys ranged from dolls to action figures, to stuffed animals, each one with its own special place in Nari’s heart. The most striking feature of the room was her small bed, adorned with a beautiful canopy. This bed was more than just a place for her to rest; it was her castle, her secret hideout. It was here that Nari would sleep like a real princess, after a day full of adventures and playful activities. Guarding her while she slept were her loyal teddy bears. These soft and cuddly guardians were always there by her side, watching over her. They were not just toys, but her friends, and protectors. Nari even made you print out a picture of Wooyoung, which she lovingly framed and placed on her tiny desk. It became her most prized possession. Every detail in the room reflected Nari’s personality and vivid imagination, making it a perfect haven for her.

As Nari settled down, you decided to play her favorite Disney movie. The familiar tunes filled the room, and Nari's eyes lit up at the sight of her beloved characters. While Nari was engrossed in her movie, you made your way to the kitchen. Your mom has already started preparing your meal. The sight of her working her magic in the kitchen, coupled with the tantalizing smells, made your stomach rumble in anticipation.

"So, Nari asked about her dad today," you started, your voice barely above a whisper. As the words left your mouth, your mother froze in her place. Her eyes met yours, a mix of surprise and concern in her gaze. The room fell silent, the only sound being the sizzle from the pan on the stove. "Mom, I feel lost. I don't know what to do," you confessed, your voice trembling with uncertainty.

"Do you want them to meet, honey?" your mom asked. Her gaze was steady, her eyes never leaving yours. She was searching for an answer, not just in your words, but also in your expression. There was a hint of concern in her voice which was understandable. After all, it was a significant moment, a decision that could change the dynamics of everything. You hesitated for a moment, weighing the possibilities in your mind. You could feel your mom's expectant gaze on you, and it somehow made the decision harder.

After what felt like an eternity, you finally spoke. "Yes, mom. I want them to meet." Your voice was firm, but inside, you were bracing yourself for the changes that were about to come. Your worlds were about to collide, your secrets were about to unravel, and you could only hope that in the end, everything would fall into place. "But I don't want him to know that Nari is his," you admitted shyly. There was a moment of silence as you pondered over your words.

"Honey, I know you might be scared, but I believe it's high time he found out the truth," she said, her voice softer now, yet resolute and unwavering. She cast a glance down at her hands, her fingers intertwined, and when she looked up at you again, there was a raw determination in her eyes that you hadn't seen before. "He needs to know that he has a daughter. That he's a father. It's not just about you anymore, it's also about Nari. She will be 4 soon and deserves to know her father. It's time for you to step up and let him in on the reality of his situation."

"I'm not going to tell him, Mom," you replied firmly, your resolve clear in your tone. "I wouldn't risk Jongho's career like that," you said, speaking more to yourself than your mother. "I was prepared to spend a lifetime without him knowing the truth." Despite the fear and uncertainty, a sense of resolve washed over you. Your mom sighed heavily; you know it wasn’t the response she wanted to hear.

"Even if you somehow end up meeting him, do you think he's stupid?" she asked abruptly. Her question was unexpected, and it caught you off guard.

"What do you mean?" you responded, taken aback by the sudden change in her tone and line of questioning.

"One look at Nari, and he's going to know the truth!" she exclaimed, her voice filled with conviction. "Nari looks exactly like him!" your mom slightly raised her voice. "I have never seen Jongho with my own eyes, but even if my judgment is based only on how he looks on TV… Honey, her eyes, her smile... they are all his," she continued, the room fell silent, you were lost in your own thoughts. You knew that the resemblance was not just physical, Nari had also inherited his mannerisms and charisma.

"I... I hadn't thought of that," you admitted, feeling a sudden knot tighten in your stomach. The realization that Jongho could easily figure out the truth was alarming. "I'll figure something out, Mom. I promise." You said, trying to reassure her despite the sinking feeling in your chest.

"If you don't have his phone number, maybe you should contact his company?" your mother suggested, her voice filled with concern. You stared at her, aghast at her suggestion.

"Mom, are you crazy? That's the last thing I'd want to do," you retorted, shaking your head at the absurdity of the idea.

Your mother's eyebrows rose in surprise at your response. "Well, I was just trying to help," she said, a hint of hurt in her voice.

You sighed, regretting your harsh words. "I know, Mom. I'm sorry. It's just... complicated," you admitted, rubbing your temples. The last thing you wanted was to involve his company in this matter.

"Let's just try to find another way, okay?" you suggested, hoping to steer the conversation toward a more productive direction. You focused on the task at hand, the act of cooking providing a much-needed distraction from the whirlpool of thoughts threatening to consume you. Each chop and stir was mechanical, your mind elsewhere. You were desperate to find a way to let Nari meet Jongho but figuring out how to do that without jeopardizing his career or causing a scandal was proving to be more difficult than you had initially anticipated.

After dinner, you helped Nari with her bedtime routine. Meanwhile, your mom was busy cleaning up after dinner. While assisting Nari, you could hear running water from the kitchen and clinking dishes being put away. With Nari finally tucked in, you joined your mom in the kitchen to lend a hand. The teamwork made the task lighter, and the kitchen was soon spotless.

"Take her to his concert, you could buy a VIP ticket so you two could meet him." your mom suddenly broke the silence between you two. You looked up at her in surprise. A concert? The idea was so far-fetched that you couldn't help but laugh. But as you glanced at your mother, you realized she was serious. "Think about it. She gets to see her dad and you don’t have to say anything," she suggested, the idea not sounding as ridiculous now. It might work. And then, you could see how he reacts to Nari. If he shows any sign of recognition, you could consider telling him the truth. Yes, it might just work."Besides, we know how much she loves her 'Uncle' Wooyoung, and I'm sure she would be so happy to go and see him live," your mom added.

"That idea isn't bad, Mom, but do you know how expensive the tickets are? There's no way I can afford two," you replied, worry evident in your voice. Concert tickets, especially for a band as popular as ATEEZ, could be incredibly pricey. You were doing your best to provide for Nari, but luxuries like concert tickets were simply out of your reach.

"What if I will get you the tickets?" your mom asked. You stared at her, shocked by her proposition. Your mom rarely splurged on anything, always preferring to save for a rainy day. Seeing your surprise, she laughed. "I know it seems out of character for me, but I want to do this for you and Nari. I want her to have this experience, and maybe it will lead to something more." She gave you a hopeful smile, her eyes filled with love and determination.

"Mom, I can't ask you for so much…" you protested, feeling a pang of guilt at the thought of your mother paying for the tickets. "It's too much." But your mom was already shaking her head, cutting off your protest.

"This isn't about money, it's about Nari," she said firmly. "And if this gives her a chance to meet her father, then it's worth every penny." You could see the determination in her eyes, and you knew there was no point in arguing. She had made up her mind, and when she did, there was no changing it.

"Okay," you finally agreed, knowing that this was the best chance Nari had to meet Jongho. "Thank you, Mom." She simply nodded, her eyes filled with a mix of relief and satisfaction. You realized then that despite everything, your mom was still looking out for you. She was still willing to do anything to make sure you and Nari were happy. Your heart pounded in your chest as you took your phone in your hands, searching for ATEEZ events. You scrolled through the results, your eyes skimming the details. Suddenly, one specific event caught your attention. It was a free event, happening in just two days. You gasped, your eyes widening in surprise. A free event?

"Mom? I think we hit a jackpot," you smiled, as you showed your mom your phone.

"A free event?" she exclaimed, happily clapping her hands. You were taken aback by her reaction but couldn't help but share in her excitement. You hugged her tightly, her happiness radiating onto you. You picked up your phone once again, and quickly booked the free tickets. With a deep sigh, you turned to your mother, gently taking her hands in yours.

"I'm going to see him, Mom," you whispered softly. The words hung heavy in the air, a mix of fear, anticipation, and longing. It was as if all the pent-up emotions you had been holding back came flooding out at that moment. Tears finally began to stream down your face, unabashed and unhindered. They traced wet tracks on your cheeks, a poignant testament to the heartfelt emotions you were experiencing. It was a cathartic release that revealed your true feelings. Your heart ached with a desperate longing, a yearning that had been simmering underneath the surface all this time. The lump in your throat eased, replaced with a strange sense of tranquility. All the nervousness, the apprehension that had been your constant companion, seemed to have evaporated. It was as if acknowledging your feelings had liberated you from their hold, allowing you to finally breathe. The realization hit you then, sudden and profound. You were going to see Jongho, the man you had loved with all your heart, once more. The thought brought a twinge of excitement, a dash of fear, and a whole lot of love. It was a second chance, a final goodbye, a moment you knew you would remember for the rest of your life.

Two days have passed like two hours. It felt like you had just blinked and suddenly, you were standing with Nari, hand in hand, in a line buzzing with anticipation. You were nervous, your heart pounding in your chest. Nari, on the other hand, was brimming with excitement. She was bubbling with joy at the prospect of seeing her 'Uncle' Wooyoung, blissfully unaware of the real reason you were both there. The line moved forward gradually and with each step, your heart pounded harder. You glanced at Nari, who was chatting away excitedly about all the fun things she'd do with Wooyoung. Her innocence and cheerfulness were infectious, easing your nerves slightly. As you got closer to the front of the line, you could see ATEEZ up ahead, their warm smiles greeting each fan.

And then you saw Jongho, being the second to last, signing an album and holding a fan's hand while he did so. His focus was entirely on the task at hand, his brows slightly furrowed in concentration. He would occasionally look up to make eye contact with the fan, offering them a warm smile. It was as though your world had stopped. Your breath caught in your throat, your heart pounding as if it were trying to escape from your chest. It had been almost five years since you last saw him. He had changed - his face was more mature, his eyes held a deeper wisdom, and the lines of his smile seemed to tell stories you weren't a part of. Yet, amidst all the changes, he was still the same Jongho you remembered, the same Jongho you had fallen for. The distance and the years that had passed had not made your heart forget. The sight of him brought back a flood of memories, some sweet, some bitter, but all precious. Standing there, seeing him after all this time, you realized – you were not afraid anymore. You were ready to face him, ready to face the past.

When it was finally your turn, you gently nudged Nari forward. Her face lit up when she saw Wooyoung. She quickly seated herself in a chair across from the table where he was sitting. Then, she stood on the chair, stepped onto the table, and her hands swiftly found their way around Wooyoung's neck. Wooyoung was startled at first, taken aback by Nari's sudden, enthusiastic hug. You were shocked too, having no time to react to Nari's swift actions. But your breath hitched when Wooyoung recovered from his initial surprise and smiled, hugging Nari back. The atmosphere quickly filled with warmth as Wooyoung returned Nari's hug with equal affection. The surprise on his face was replaced by a soft smile, his arms wrapping around her in a comforting embrace. You watched this heartfelt moment unfold, your heart fluttering in your chest. The shock from earlier had completely dissipated, replaced by a sense of relief and happiness. It was clear to you that despite the abruptness of Nari's actions, Wooyoung was happy to hug her back.

"Hi there, little one," he greeted with a warm smile on his face.

"Uncle Wooyoung!" Nari responded kindly, her laughter tinkling in the air as she beamed back at him. The sight was enough to melt your heart. However, your moment of joy was short-lived as you noticed the stern look from the security guard. His gaze was fixed on your daughter, clearly annoyed with her actions. Although you understood his perspective, it was hard to stop a child from being excited in such moments. You quickly intervened, trying to maintain the peace. You gently took Nari from Wooyoung's warm embrace and brought her back to her chair. She pouted a little, clearly not happy about being moved away from her favorite person.

"I'm sorry," you apologized, turning to face Wooyoung. Wooyoung simply shook his head and laughed, clearly not bothered by what had just happened.

"It's okay," he said, his voice filled with understanding. You handed him the album that you had brought along, as he took it from your hands to sign it, Nari put her small hand on top of Wooyoung’s.

"My name is Nari," she said, a soft yet firm assertion that hung in the air between them. Her gaze was unwavering, locked onto his face as if searching for something within him, something perhaps only she could see. After signing the album, Wooyoung handed it back to you.

"It was nice to meet you, Nari," he said, a genuine smile as he gently patted Nari's hair.

"Nari, it's time to go," you softly announced, lifting the small girl into your arms, there were still other members of the band you had yet to meet. Nari, however, was not so ready to move on. She pouted adorably; her full attention still fixed on Wooyoung.

"I love you, Uncle Wooyoung," she declared, her innocent eyes wide and shimmering with admiration. Every word she spoke was filled with the pure, unfiltered affection that only a child could muster. Wooyoung, for his part, responded with an equal measure of warmth. His eyes softened at her words, a tender smile playing at the corners of his lips. He cooed at her cuteness; his heart clearly touched by her innocent proclamation.

"I love you too, Nari," he replied, his voice filled with genuine affection. He waved back at her, his smile never faltering even as the next fan made their approach. As you moved away, you felt a sense of anticipation bubbling up within you. You were ready to introduce Nari to the rest of the band, ready to create more beautiful memories. Nari was thrilled to meet the other band members. Perhaps not as much as she was when she met Wooyoung, but she still charmed each and every one of them with her delightful spirit. Seonghwa, Mingi, Yunho, Yeosang, and San were all absolutely enchanted by their little fan, their hearts melting at the sight of her infectious joy.

Then, it was time to face Jongho. As you approached him, your heartbeat echoed loudly in your ears. A lump formed in your throat, making it difficult to breathe. The world seemed to come to a standstill as you stood before him. His familiar eyes met yours, and in that moment, everything else faded into insignificance.

"Hi…" The word was barely more than an apprehensive whisper, escaping from Jonhgo's lips. His gaze was fixed on you, a whirlpool of emotions swirling within his eyes. It had been almost five years since he had last seen you. Yet, as he looked at you now, it was as if time had stood still. You were still as beautiful, if not more, as the last time he saw you. Your enchanting smile and the mesmerizing glint in your eyes had the power to make his heart stutter within his chest.

"I'm sorry to be showing up like this," you said, your voice carrying the weight of your uncertainty. You had rehearsed this moment countless times in your head, and yet now, standing in front of him, the words seemed to escape you. You sat down on the chair, passing him the album.

"It’s fine… it’s so good to see you," Jongho responded, each word punctuated with sincerity. At that moment, he felt as if the world around him had melted away. All that mattered was you. His eyes were lost in yours, completely oblivious to the world around him. It was as if an invisible thread was pulling him towards you, making him oblivious to everything else.

"I just…" you started, the words hanging in the air. But before you could give them shape, a small voice chimed in.

‘’Hi Uncle Jongho! You are my Mommy's favourite’’ Nari greeted him with a wide grin spreading across her face, she cautiously yet excitedly maneuvered herself into your lap. Her eyes sparkled with uncontained joy as she looked up, her gaze meeting Jongho's, who was across the table, her smile growing even wider, if that was possible, at the sight of him.

"Hi, little one! Well, your mom has great taste!" Jongho responded, his words laced with surprise. He hadn't expected this.

"I really like your songs," the little girl confessed with an earnest expression. "Mommy told me that you're a good person and that we could be friends." The words hit Jongho like a punch in the gut. The realization that you had a daughter began to dawn on him. He quickly glanced at your fingers, searching for a wedding ring, but found none. Jongho's heart sank as a lump formed in his throat, his mind racing to piece together the puzzle before him. You weren't married, nor engaged, and the little girl nestled on your lap couldn't have been more than four years old. It didn't take long for him to make the connection— you must have been pregnant five years ago, and five years ago you were his.

"I’m sure we will be great friends," Jongho replied, trying to keep his voice steady. His gaze never left yours, even as he addressed Nari. Jongho's eyes slowly drifted away from yours, lingering for a moment before he turned to look at Nari. He took his time, observing her closely. There was something about her that caught his attention. He couldn't help but see the resemblance - something in the way her eyes sparkled, the curve of her smile. As you were sitting with Nari in your lap, you couldn't help but notice Jongho's gaze fixed on her. His eyes were filled with adoration and curiosity, something that you found endearing. Gently, you shifted Nari off your lap. You took her small hand in yours,

"Nari," you started, your voice as soft as a whisper, careful not to disrupt the lively chatter around you. Her big, innocent eyes looked up at you, her attention completely focused on you. "Would you wait for me next to the last uncle's table?" you asked her. Your tone was gentle, Nari simply nodded, her trust in you evident. She didn't ask why, didn't protest, she trotted off, her steps small and careful. Jongho's gaze was still on her, his eyes filled with the same adoration as before. The sight warmed your heart, solidifying the beautiful moment in your memory.

"Is she mine?" The question was out in the open before he could stop himself. Jongho’s heart was pounding against his ribcage, and his hands were trembling, but he couldn't ignore the uncanny resemblance.

"Jongho I…" you started but were quickly interrupted by Jongho's direct question.

"She's mine, isn't she?" you feel your cheeks flush as you investigate Jongho's eyes, unsure of how to respond. Your heart beats faster as you gather the courage to answer him.

"She's yours, Jongho," you finally admitted, the truth coming out in a whisper. All the color drained from his face at your words. He was a father. He had a daughter. His mind was reeling, struggling to process the enormity of what he had just learned. "I found out a month after we broke up" you confessed, your words barely a whisper. The weight of your words was almost too much to bear, and you found it impossible to meet his intense gaze.

"Y/N, you know I can’t..." Jongho began, his voice was heavy with unspoken emotions. His hand, almost as if guided by an unseen force, reached out for you in a gesture of comfort and longing.

"I just wanted her... our little girl, to see her dad, to meet you, at least once in her lifetime," you admitted, your voice shaking with the effort of holding back the torrent of tears threatening to spill. "I don’t expect anything in return." Jongho simply stared at you in silence, his expression unreadable. His gaze was intense, almost as if he was trying to read your thoughts.

"I'll need some time to process this," he finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. The silence that followed was deafening, the tension in the air palpable. But for the first time in years, you felt a sense of relief wash over you. The truth was finally out, and despite the complexity of the situation, you felt a strange sense of peace.

"I understand, Jongho, I don't expect anything form you," you replied, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. You knew this was a lot for him to take in. It wasn't easy for you either, but you were glad that he now knew about Nari.

"Hey Nari!" You heard Jongho's voice asking for your daughter's attention. "Wouldn't you give me a hug?" Nari, who had been watching the exchange from a distance, hesitated for a moment before making her way towards Jongho. His smile widened as he crouched down to her level, opening his arms wide for her. Nari ran into his embrace, wrapping her small arms around his neck. Jongho held her close, his heart swelling with an indescribable emotion. As the security guard began to usher you away, a pang of regret washed over Jongho. Seeing you hustled away, Jongho felt a surge of urgency. He yearned to reach out, to clasp your hand and never release it, but time was eluding him.

"Wait!" Jongho's desperate voice echoed as he stepped forward, stretching a hand towards you. But it was too late, you were already moved to Hongjoong’s table. Jongho slumped back into his seat, engulfed by defeat. He had let you slip through his grasp again, and now he was worried that he might never rectify his mistake. As he sat, absorbed in his thoughts, the image of Nari's innocent face haunted him. She resembled him so much with her broad eyes and radiant smile, yet she was a stranger—a reminder of the life he missed and the family he never knew he had. Engrossed in his thoughts, Jongho barely registered the next fan asking for an autograph. His thoughts were occupied by you and the daughter he never knew existed. As he autographed the fan's album, Jongho wondered if there was still hope for you and him, if perhaps fate might reunite them one day.

As you approached Hongjoong's table with Nar, your heart raced with a mix of apprehension and resentment. You couldn't shake the memories of your last encounter, the painful words he had spoken, and the role he had played in driving you and Jongho apart. Hongjoong looked up from signing autographs, his expression unreadable as he locked eyes with you. There was a flicker of recognition in his gaze, followed by a hint of guilt that he quickly masked with a polite smile.

"Hello," Hongjoong greeted you, his voice carefully neutral. "It's been a while." you forced a tight smile, your hands trembling slightly as you returned his greeting.

"Yes, it has," you replied, her voice strained with tension. There was a palpable awkwardness between you two, as Hongjoong catches sight of Nari standing beside you, his eyes widen in surprise. There's an unmistakable resemblance between Nari and Jongho—the same sparkling eyes, the same dimpled smile—that sends a pang of nostalgia coursing through Hongjoong's heart. Nari beams up at Hongjoong, her innocence and warmth melting away any lingering tension in the air.

"Hi Uncle Hongjoong!" she chirps, reaching out to shake Hongjoong's hand with childlike enthusiasm. As Hongjoong exchanges a few more pleasantries with Nari, you can't shake the feeling of unease that gnaws at the back of your mind. With a quick 'thank you' to Hongjoong, you took Nari in your arms and quickly made your way towards the exit. You didn't dare to look back, your heart pounding in your chest. As you walked away, you couldn't help but wonder if Hongjoong had made the connection. But it didn't matter anymore. You had done what you had come here to do. Nari had finally met her dad, and Jongho now knew about her existence. What would happen next was out of your hands.

As you exited the venue, you could feel a sense of relief washing over you. The heavy burden that had been weighing on your heart for years was now lifted. You glanced at Nari, her face filled with joy and excitement, her eyes sparkling with pure innocence. You couldn't help but feel a sense of love and pride. Despite everything, you knew in your heart that you had made the right decision.

jongho

After what felt like an eternity, the fan meeting ended. Jongho's mind still reeling from the shock. He found himself rushing backstage into the tranquility of the dressing room that he shared with Hongjoong. He withdrew to a corner, away from the others, needing to be alone with his tumultuous thoughts. Images of Nari's face swirled in his mind, her innocent smile seared into his memory. He wrestled with a whirlwind of questions, his brain struggling to process the reality of his newfound fatherhood.

"Why didn't you try to contact me?" He asked the empty room, his voice barely a whisper. The question echoed off the walls, a haunting reminder of the years he had missed. "Didn't I have a right to know sooner?" His voice broke as he voiced the question, the hurt evident in his tone. He was a father, but he had been oblivious to that fact for years. The knowledge filled him with a potent mix of joy and anguish. Joy at the thought of being a father, and anguish at the years he had missed, the moments he would never get back. The room felt suffocating, the silence deafening as the reality of the situation slowly sank in. He missed out on so much. He missed seeing you pregnant, a sight he was sure would have been beautiful. He missed being there for you when you were feeling sick when you needed him the most. He missed the birth of Nari, missed holding your hand through the labor. He missed her first tooth, her first steps, her first words. He even missed her first day of school. All these milestones in Nari's life, and he wasn't there for any of them. A sense of loss washed over him, a regret for all the moments he had missed, moments he could never get back. Jongho was alone, filled with anger. He felt betrayed, kept in the dark about his own daughter all these years. He was furious at everyone, including himself. His hands clenched into fists as he grappled with the reality of missed opportunities to be a father.

As Hongjoong entered the dressing room, he could sense the storm of emotions raging within Jongho. The usually lively and cheerful atmosphere of the room was replaced by a heavy silence. Jongho was seated alone, lost in his thoughts. The look on his face was one of confusion and shock, a stark contrast to his usual cheerful demeanor.

"Jongho..." Hongjoong began, hoping to break the silence. His voice was gentle, not wanting to startle his friend. Jongho looked up, his eyes meeting Hongjoong's. There was a vulnerability in Jongho's eyes that tugged at Hongjoong's heart. He knew Jongho needed to talk, to let out all the emotions that were bottled up inside him.

"I know you have a lot on your mind because of Y/N showing up," Hongjoong said, taking a seat next to Jongho. His voice was soft, understanding. "And I'm here to listen, whenever you're ready to talk about this." His words hung in the air, offering a sense of comfort and support to Jongho.

"I'm surprised you even remember her," Jongho scoffed, the hurt evident in his voice. His mind was a whirlwind of emotions and memories, all coming back at once. Breaking the silence that hung heavily in the room, Hongjoong finally voiced the question that had been lingering in everyone's minds,

"Y/N's a mom now, how does it make you feel?" Hongjoong's voice was gentle, and cautious, as if he was afraid of shattering the fragile peace that had momentarily settled over them. He was aware that he was treading on thin ice, yet he also knew this was a conversation that needed to be held.

"I don’t know" Jongho's voice broke, the words he needed to confess stuck in his throat. He needed to admit that he was the father, but he couldn't find the words. The situation was too raw, too fresh. He was scared to say it out loud.

"Her daughter, she looks a bit like you," Hongjoong said gently, his gaze falling on his friend. "She has your eyes... your smile." As he spoke, Hongjoong's hand found its way to Jongho's shoulder, offering a reassuring squeeze. It was his way of encouraging Jongho, of letting him know that he wasn't alone in this.

Jongho finally broke down. His voice was barely a whisper as he admitted, "Because she's mine." His hands covered his face, trying to hide the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. His body trembled with the intensity of his emotions, the reality of the situation finally sinking in. "That night... when you told me to break up with Y/N, I..." He paused, struggling to find the right words. "I thought I was doing the right thing, for both of us." The memory of that night came rushing back to him, the pain, the confusion, the regret. He felt as though he was reliving that moment all over again.

Hongjoong remained silent, listening to Jongho's confession. He could see the pain etched on his friend's face, the regret in his eyes. "Jongho, I..." he began, but Jongho cut him off.

"I trusted you," Jongho continued, his voice choked with emotion. "I trusted you, and I let her go. But now... now I have found out that I have a daughter. A daughter that I didn't even know existed because I wasn't there for her... because I wasn't there for Y/N." His voice cracked the guilt and regret overwhelming him. "I missed out on so much because of that decision... because of you." Tears kept streaming down Jongho's face as he sobbed, he had lost so much - his love, his child, years of being a father - all because of a decision made years ago. And now, he didn't know how to deal with this overwhelming wave of regret and loss. "I don't know what to do," Jongho whispered, his eyes welling up with unshed tears. The weight of the revelations and the depth of his emotions were too much to bear. His heart felt heavy in his chest, the pain nearly unbearable. He felt lost, unsure of how to navigate the storm of emotions within him. The anger, the hurt, the betrayal... it was all too much. And yet, amidst all of that, there was also a profound sense of love; love for a child he had never known, but already cared for deeply. "What do I do now?" he asked, looking up with pleading eyes, desperate for guidance and a roadmap to navigate this new reality. Hongjoong was at a loss for words. He could see the pain in Jongho's eyes and feel the regret that filled the air around them.

"Jongho, I... I didn't know. I thought I was doing what was best for you. For your career. I never meant for this to happen," he finally managed to say, his voice filled with regret. But words were just words, and no apology could erase the years Jongho had lost.

"When I hugged Nari, it was like love just hit me with the power of a train," Jongho continued, his gaze fixed on Hongjoong. "I couldn't believe she's mine. The moment she was in my arms, I felt this overwhelming urge to break down, to cry and apologize for not being there from the start. Y/N's been doing that all alone, Hongjoong," Jongho cried out, his voice choked with emotion. "I wasn't there... I didn't know... The pregnancy, the birth, and then raising a daughter... She has been all alone." His voice broke in the last words, the heart-wrenching reality hitting him hard.

"Jongho, don’t blame yourself, you didn't know," Hongjoong finally spoke up, his voice filled with understanding and sympathy. "You still have a chance to make it right."

"How am I supposed to make it right?" Jongho asked, his voice filled with desperation and confusion. "Only you knew about Y/N. I've never told the rest of the boys, nor the managers, nothing... How am I supposed to make it work now?" His words hung heavy in the air for a moment, the weight of his predicament settling in. Jongho looked down, a mix of frustration and despair etched on his face. "Maybe it's too late... Maybe I've already lost my chance." He murmured, the hopelessness in his voice echoing through the room. His heart ached at the thought of missing out on his daughter's life, all the moments he could have been there for her.

"We'll find a way," Hongjoong said firmly, his voice tinged with determination. "We'll talk to the managers, to the members... We'll figure it out together."

"What if Y/N doesn't want me in her life again?" Jongho asked, the fear in his voice almost palpable. The thought of you rejecting him, of not wanting him in your life anymore, terrified him. The silence that followed was deafening, the tension in the air palpable.

"Jongho, Nari is your daughter," Hongjoong finally said, his voice steady and determined. "And regardless of what happened between you and Y/N, from now on she will always be a part of your life. You need to talk to Y/N, to understand her perspective and express your feelings. This is not only about Nari, but it's also about you and Y/N, about the life you could have together." After wiping away the last of his tears, Jongho took a deep breath, steadying himself. He knew what he had to do next.

"I need to reach out to Y/N," he said to himself, determination filling his voice.

"Do you still have her number?" Hongjoong asked. Jongho nodded, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone. He scrolled through his contacts until he found your name. He hesitated for a moment before showing the screen to Hongjoong.

"But it's been five years... She could have changed it," Jongho voiced out his concern, the uncertainty clear in his voice.

"Well, it doesn't hurt to try?" Hongjoong asked, smiling at Jongho. Jongho looked back at Hongjoong, his expression unreadable. There was a long pause before he finally nodded, his gaze determined.

"You're right," he said, "It doesn't hurt to try."

"Nari will not only get her dad, but she will also get seven uncles. I promise the boys will love her so much. She will be so loved," Hongjoong said encouragingly. "So don't be afraid and talk to Y/N." Hongjoong's words hung in the air for a moment, creating a hopeful silence. Jongho looked at him, his sadness visibly subsiding, replaced by a glimmer of longing and anticipation.

"You really think they'll accept her? Accept us?" Jongho asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I know so," Hongjoong replied confidently. "We're a family, Jongho. And family means no one gets left behind or forgotten." With that, Jongho seemed to find a new resolve. He nodded, taking a deep breath as he prepared himself to take the first step towards a future where he could be a father to his daughter, a future where he was no longer kept in the dark.

The drive back to the dorms seemed to take an eternity. Jongho found himself lost in his thoughts, the car's quiet hum a stark contrast to the storm of emotions raging within him. The conversation with Hongjoong had eased his mind a bit, the weight of his newfound fatherhood feeling a little less heavy. He decided it was best to delay talking to the boys and the company about the situation until he had had time to process everything himself. It was a lot to take in, and he needed time to figure out his next steps. Once he entered his room, Jongho wasted no time. He locked the door behind him, seeking the privacy he needed for the call he was about to make. His heartbeat quickened as he dialed your number, each ring echoing in his ears until finally, the line connected.

you

After an exhausting day you found yourself sinking into the plush cushions of your couch, a glass of your favorite wine in hand. The TV screen in front of you was merely background noise, a mindless distraction from the day's events. Your phone suddenly lighted up, an incoming call from an unknown caller. You picked it up, eyeing the unfamiliar number with a slight frown. After a moment's hesitation, you finally answered, "Hello? Who is it?"

"Hi, it's me, Jongho," he said, his voice sending a shiver down your spine. You swallowed hard, your heart starting to beat faster. ‘’Do you have time to talk right now?’’

"Yeah, Nari's at my mom's now…" you managed to reply, trying to keep your voice steady. You didn't expect that Jongho had your number, let alone that he would reach out so quickly.

Jongho's heart beat harder at the mention of Nari's name. "If you're not busy, maybe we could meet up for a coffee?" Jongho offered.

"Jongho, you don't have to be doing this. I don't expect you to do anything for Nari or me," you blurted out, the words tumbling from your lips before you could stop them.

"Y/N, you took her away from me for four years. She's my daughter. And for years, I was oblivious to her existence. I missed out on so much because you chose to keep me in the dark," Jongho's voice was steady, but you could hear the underlying emotion. "Because of that, I think you owe me at least a conversation." There was a pause, and you could almost feel Jongho gathering his thoughts. "So, what you need to do now is send me the address of a coffee place near your location. I'll meet you there in an hour."

"Alright, Jongho, let's meet. I'll send you an address," you sighed heavily, the weight of the situation pressing down on you. You knew deep down that you owed him this conversation, even if it was the last thing you wanted to do right now. The reality was that you weren't ready to face whatever consequences this meeting would bring about. You weren't ready to delve into the past, but for your daughter's sake, for Jongho's sake, and maybe a little bit for your own sake, you would do it. You would meet him, and you would have this conversation.

"I'll see you there," Jongho said, ending the call and leaving you alone with your thoughts. You finished your glass of wine, texted Jongho the address of a coffee place near your apartment, and began to gather your belongings. Opening your wardrobe, you sighed loudly. You wanted to look your best for Jongho but didn't want to appear as if you were preparing for a date or trying too hard to impress him after all these years. Having chosen an outfit, put on your denim jacket, and headed to the coffee shop.

Upon entering the coffee shop, your eyes immediately found Jongho, sitting alone in a corner. He was dressed casually in a beige coat, his face partially hidden behind glasses, and a mask. The sight of him caused a flutter in your heart and your hands started to tremble involuntarily. You straightened your clothes and ran a hand through your hair, trying to compose yourself. Taking a deep breath, you began to make your way towards his table, preparing yourself for the conversation to come.

"Hi," you almost whispered as you found your seat opposite Jongho. You tried to maintain an air of confidence, but the reality was that your heart was pounding in your chest. You could feel a lump forming in your throat, and you quickly swallowed to clear it. The memories of your past with Jongho were flooding back, and you were suddenly overcome with a mix of nostalgia, regret, fear, and hope. Jongho looked at you intently, his eyes scanning your features. It was surreal, he thought, to have you sitting there across from him after all these years. He still couldn't quite believe, that you were here with him. His heart pounded in his chest, a mix of excitement and fear coursing through his veins. This was it - the start of a conversation that was years overdue. "Are you sure you want to talk here?" you asked, glancing around at the bustling café. "This place is still quite busy considering it's already evening," you continued. There was an uncertainty in your tone, a clear sign of your nervousness. You then looked back at Jongho, meeting his gaze. "I just think that considering your status now, it will be more comfortable to do it at my place," you added, offering an alternative.

After a moment of silence, Jongho finally found the courage to ask, "Are you comfortable with me coming over to your place?" His voice was filled with a hint of apprehension as if he was worried about crossing any boundaries.

"Yeah, it's alright," you responded, your tone casual and inviting. You quickly added, ‘’My place isn’t far from here, just about 5 minutes away. Besides, Nari won’t be home tonight. She's staying over with her grandparents, so we'll have the place to ourselves.’’

Jongho seemed to consider your words for a moment before he finally agreed, "Okay then, let's go," his tone steady, as if he was trying to mask his excitement or maybe it was anxiety. Together, you left the bustling café, heading towards the quiet comfort of your apartment. The walk was filled with palpable tension, both of you lost in your thoughts, silently anticipating the conversation that awaited.

You let Jongho in and lead him to the living room. "I'm sorry, it's nothing fancy," you whispered, feeling suddenly self-conscious. You were aware that with the success Jongho had achieved, he was probably used to living in more amazing spaces. Jongho looked around your modest space, taking in the sights of a home that you had lovingly created for yourself and Nari. Her baby pictures were hanging on the wall, her toys scattered in every corner. His smile widened as he took in these intimate glimpses into her life. It filled him with a warm, tender feeling, a sense of connection to the daughter he was only just getting to know.

''I don't know where to start'' you finally whispered anxiously as you sit down on the couch.

Jongho looked at you, his eyes softening. "How about we start from the beginning?''

"I found out about a month after we broke up," you started, your voice shaking. Jongho's presence felt so strange in your apartment. His eyes on yours added to the tension that was heavy on your shoulders.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jongho asked, his voice filled with a mixture of confusion and hurt. His eyes bore into yours, seeking answers to questions that had been plaguing him since he found out about Nari.

"I was scared," you confessed, your voice barely audible. "And I loved you too much to burden you with my pregnancy," you said, smiling sadly and averting your gaze as you felt tears welling up in your eyes. "And don't try to lie and tell me I wouldn't ruin your life with it," you chuckled, your finger wiping away the tears that escaped. "Because I would have," you continued, the words heavy with regret and unshed tears. "Your music, your dreams... I couldn't stand in the way of that."

"I think I had the right to know," Jongho interrupted, his voice firm yet filled with emotion. His words brought a heavy silence between the two of you. His gaze was intent, the hurt and confusion clear in his eyes.

"Jongho, I didn't mean to hurt you by keeping it a secret," you admitted, your voice trembling with emotion. "But at that time, I genuinely believed it was the best decision for the three of us." You gave him a pleading look, hoping he would understand.

"I want to be Nari's father," Jongho confessed, his voice barely above a whisper but the conviction in his words was undeniable. You were taken aback by his confession, not expecting him to express such a strong desire to be a part of your daughter's life. You looked at him, your heart pounding in your chest as you tried to find the right words.

"Jongho... we are doing good, the two of us. You've chosen your career, and I want you to stick to that decision now. Nari doesn't change anything."

"How can you say that? Of course, it changes everything! I am a father now!", Jongho's voice rose, his tone filled with a sense of urgency and frustration. His heart pounded in his chest, his gaze never leaving yours. "Nari exists because we loved each other," his voice choked with emotion as he continued, "She's a living proof of our love." His voice trailed off, the weight of his words hanging heavy in the room. He was desperate for you to understand. His life, his priorities, everything had shifted the moment he found out about Nari. And he was determined to do whatever it took to be a part of her life. Jongho's eyes flashed with determination as he refused to accept your words. "I am her dad, Y/N, and you can't change that!" he exclaimed, his voice filled with conviction.

"I know you are, Jongho," you admitted, your voice softening."But I want you to focus on Ateez, you guys are already doing so well," you responded, your voice steady yet filled with a strange calmness. "Me and Nari... we'll be better off without you." The words hung heavily in the air, a painful reality neither of you wanted to face.

"Stop lying to yourself!" Jongho suddenly stood up, glaring at you as his frustration boiled over. His voice echoed around the room, a clear indication of his disbelief and anger at your words. His outburst took you by surprise. You looked at him, taken aback by the intensity of his emotions.

"Jongho, I made a mistake… I shouldn't have come to the fan sign, I shouldn't have let you meet Nari," you started, but he cut you off.

"Enough, Y/N!" he exclaimed; his voice filled with raw emotion. "You don't get to decide what's best for me. She is my daughter too, do you understand?" You swallowed hard, feeling a lump forming in your throat. You knew he was right. "I want to be there for Nari." You looked at him, speechless. You hadn't expected this. You hadn't expected him to fight for his right to be a part of Nari's life. But here he was, standing in your living room, pouring his heart out to you.

"This is a huge responsibility. Are you sure you're ready for it?" You took a deep breath, locking eyes with him. "Because once you're in, there's no going back." Jongho gaze softened, but the determination remained.

"Yes, I'm sure," he said resolutely. "I want to be a part of her life. And I'm ready to take on the responsibility that comes with it." His voice was steady, his conviction clear. There was a pause, a momentary lapse in his speech before he finally found the courage to continue with his confession. "And...," he started his voice barely a whisper, so low and quiet that it was almost lost. You had to strain your ears to hear the rest of his sentence. "I want you back as well, if you will have me" he admitted his words carrying an emotional weight that you could feel hanging in the air between you. You were stunned, unable to form a coherent response. Jongho's words had taken you completely by surprise. You never expected him to confess his feelings, to say that he wanted you back. It felt like your heart was pounding out of your chest, your mind racing with thoughts. You looked at him, your emotions in turmoil. Tears welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision.

"Jongho, I..." you started, struggling to find the right words. You could see the hope in his eyes, the same hope that you felt blossoming in your own heart. "I need time to think about all of this," you finally admitted. "For now, we should focus on you getting to know Nari."

His face fell slightly at your words, but he quickly composed himself. "Of course, I understand," Jongho responded, his voice gentle. "Take all the time you need. And I look forward to getting to know our daughter." After a moment, Jongho broke the silence, his voice soft as he asked, "Could I see her room, if that's not too much to ask?" His eyes were hopeful as he looked at you, his chest rising and falling steadily as he took a few calming breaths. It was clear that he was trying to keep his emotions in check, to respect your need for space and time. As much as he wanted to rush into your lives, he knew he had to tread carefully. After all, he was not just stepping into the life of his former lover, but also into the life of his daughter.

"Of course, you can but… You're not gonna like it," you chuckled softly, Jongho's heart softened at the sight of your genuine smile, a smile he had missed more than he cared to admit.

''Why?'' Jongho asked surprised, but you didn't answer. You wanted for him to see it himself. You led Jongho to Nari's room. The sight that greeted him was a mix of bright colors and cute decorations, a clear reflection of the little girl who called this place her sanctuary. And there, among all the toys and drawings, was a framed picture of… Wooyoung.

"Is that... Wooyoung?" Jongho's voice was filled with surprise as his eyes widened at the sight. He quickly made his way into the room, picking up the framed picture in his hands.

"Yes, it's Wooyoung," you confirmed a soft smile on your lips. "Nari adores him. She thinks he's the coolest in the world." You watched as Jongho's gaze lingered on the picture; his expression unreadable. Jongho looked at you, his eyes filled with a mix of emotions.

"I can't believe that amongst all of us, she had to choose Wooyoung," Jongho muttered, his voice low and filled with a sense of disbelief and a hint of jealousy. His gaze remained fixed on the picture, his thoughts running wild. ''My own daughter?'' You giggled again, finding Jongho's disbelief and subtle jealousy amusing.

"Well, she does have a good taste. After all, Wooyoung is pretty cool," you teased, watching as Jongho's face fell even more. You couldn't help but find the whole situation incredibly amusing. Here was Jongho, an idol who was adored by millions around the world, feeling jealous of his own bandmate. Jongho shook his head, chuckling softly at your comment.

"I guess I have some catching up to do then," he said, placing the picture back on the little, pink desk. His tone was light, but you could sense the determination behind his words. He was ready to do whatever it took to build a relationship with his daughter. You watched him, your heart aching at the sight. Jongho, the man you once loved, standing in your daughter's room, expressing his desire to be a part of her life. It was a sight you never imagined you would witness.

"Jongho, I think...I think it's a good start," you finally said, your voice soft but steady. "You wanting to get to know Nari, to be a part of her life...it means a lot."

Jongho turned to you, his gaze softening. "I should've been there from the start," he admitted with a sigh. "But I promise you, I'll make up for the lost time." Those words, that promise, filled you with a sense of hope. You knew the journey ahead would be filled with challenges and uncertainties. But for the first time in a long time, you felt that you weren't alone in this. And maybe, just maybe, there was a possibility for a future where you, Jongho, and Nari could be a family. But for now, you decided to take things one step at a time, starting with Jongho getting to know his daughter.

"She asked about you the other day," you started, your voice barely a whisper as you looked at Jongho. "She had never asked about her dad before, but when she did, it changed something inside me." You admitted, a lump forming in your throat as you recalled the moment. It was a memory that had been haunting you, a reminder of the reality that you had been trying to avoid. Jongho's eyes widened slightly, a mix of surprise and curiosity reflecting in his gaze as he awaited your next words. "I knew this day would come, but I wasn't prepared for it," you continued, your voice choked with emotion. At this, Jongho reached out, taking your hand in his. The warmth of his touch brought a small comfort. "I told her a few things about you, told her you were really busy," you confessed, your eyes meeting Jongho's. "I didn't know what else to say. She asked if her daddy would treat her to ice cream next time."

Jongho's hand squeezed yours lightly as he stated, "Well, then Daddy will take her to get ice cream," he flashed you a smile and you swore you melted at the sight. You had buried your love for Jongho deep in your heart. But now, his hand on yours, his touch that you craved for so long, stirred something within you. You had to admit that those feelings were slightly knocking at your heart, reminding you of their existence. The silence that filled the room was comfortable, a stark contrast to the tension that had been present earlier. You could see the determination in Jongho's eyes, the promise of his words echoing in the quiet room. The reality of the situation was slowly sinking in, and you found yourself looking at Jongho with newfound hope.

"I guess we still have a lot to talk about," you finally broke the silence, your gaze steady on Jongho. There was a soft smile on your face, a clear indication of your acceptance of the situation. "And a lot of ice cream to buy," you added, your tone light and teasing.

Jongho chuckled, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "I guess we do," he agreed, his voice warm and gentle. He then looked at you, his gaze softening. "But first, we need to figure out how to tell Nari." You nodded, a sense of apprehension filling you. Telling Nari about her dad would be a challenge, a hurdle that both of you needed to cross together. But looking at Jongho, his determination, and his willingness to step up as a father, you felt a sense of comfort.

"We'll figure it out, Jongho," you said, squeezing his hand in reassurance. "Together."

Jongho looked at you, a serious expression on his face. "Y/N, I wanted to talk to you first about this, but tomorrow I'm going to talk with company representatives and the boys. I think I will choose to go on a hiatus to spend some time with Nari and you," he confessed, his voice steady and sincere. The honesty in his words and the determination in his eyes gave you a sense of reassurance. Jongho was indeed ready to take on the responsibility of being a father, and he was willing to make sacrifices for it.

"Jongho, I want to be clear about something," you started, your eyes meeting his. "I'd still like it if you continued your career. I don't want Nari or me to be the reason you have to give up on your dreams." Your words were steady and sincere, echoing in the quiet room. Jongho looked at you, a wave of relief washing over him. He had been worried about the impact this situation would have on his career, but hearing your support eased his concerns.

"Hearing you say that... it means a lot to me," he confessed, his voice filled with gratitude. He was glad to know that even in this complex situation, he still had your support.

The two of you spent the rest of the evening talking about Nari, her likes and dislikes, her habits, and her dreams. You showed him her drawings, her favorite toys, and even her diary which was filled with her innocent thoughts and dreams. Jongho listened attentively, absorbing every detail. He knew he had a lot of catching up to do, but he was more than willing to make up for the lost time. The night grew late as you continued to talk, discussing the future, your shared past, and how everything would affect Nari. You made it clear to Jongho that his career was still significant, and that he could balance his responsibilities as a father without giving up his dreams. And as you spoke, Jongho felt a wave of relief wash over him. Your support meant the world to him, and he was grateful to hear your words of encouragement.

As you finally said your goodbyes, Jongho promised to keep in touch and to start involving himself in Nari's life slowly. He understood that he had a lot of catching up to do and that it wouldn't be easy. But he was ready to face the challenges ahead, ready to be a father to Nari.

"I'll see you soon, Y/N," Jongho said, his voice low but firm. Before he took a step outside of the door, he stepped closer and gently placed a kiss on your cheek. The action was unexpected. You felt your blood rush to your cheeks as he placed a gentle kiss. Where his lips had touched, a tingling sensation lingered, causing your heart to flutter. He turned back to give you a reassuring smile, a promise that he would be back soon. And as you watched him walk away, you felt a sense of hope blossoming in your heart. You knew that the road ahead would be rocky, but you also knew that you weren't alone on this journey. Jongho would be there, ready to face the challenges with you, for Nari's sake.

#ateez x reader #ateez x y/n #ateez x you #jongho x reader #jongho x y/n #jongho x you #jongho angst #jongho fluff #jongho as dad

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cyn-write · 4 months

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Prompt: The Heartsyble Boys walking in on yuu’s baking catastroph-Education!

Pairings: GN!Yuu (reader) x Riddle, Trey, Carter, Ace, and Deuce (Separately)

Warnings: None other than tooth-rotting fluff!!

Notes: This is a request! I have a few in my log that I’m working through as I get them! Thank you anonymous for the request and I hope you enjoy it! If you would like to read more, check out my Masterlist!

Sweetheart’s Sweet Tooth

Riddle was on his was at Ramshackle's gate when he heard the explosion. He saw smoke come out of the open windows, and the worst ran through his head. Riddle ran into Ramshackle with little concern for proper house rules or his life as the most horrible situations ran through his head.

He ran into the kitchen, smoke fading out, post-its and notebooks spewed across the counter, flour all over the floor, chocolate dripped across the counter, and Yuu covered in batter and looking sadly at a pan of... something?

"YUU! WHAT IN THE SEVENS' SAKE HAPPENED?" Riddle's face was growing red with a mix of anger and worry, "I CAME IN AND-AND SMOKE AND BOOM AND-AND ITS A MESS AND WHAT WERE YOU DOING??"

Yuu looked up at Riddle with puppy dog eyes and sad face, "my cake blew up..."

"Y-your what?" Riddle asked calming down.

"I wanted to make you a cake... for winning your club tournament..." Yuu looked at the bowl on the counter, "I finally got the frosting right but the cake blew up in the oven..."

Riddle was embarrassed and touched at the same time. He kneeled next to Yuu, took out his handkerchief, and started to wipe off their face. "Well... at least you're alright," Riddle said, "and the frosting is okay... how about this? We clean up the kitchen, make some tea, and try again... together?"

Yuu smiled and nodded, "We can be baking study buddies!"

Riddle chuckled at the suggestion, "I am lacking in home ec, let's do it."

Later that evening, Trey got a call from a distressed Yuu... they needed his assistance on the third try.

Trey left the Heartsyble kitchen for an hour to attend to the Flamingo's and returned to a mess. Brownie batter was everywhere, papers all over the ground, the oven beeping, and Yuu battling the hand blender.

Trey ran over, turned off the oven, and unplugged the blender. Yuu was covered in white frosting, and so was the counter.

Yuu looked at him in relief, "Thanks, I couldn't stop it."

"Yuu, what happened?" Trey asked, voice filled with concern.

Yuu put the bowl of frosting down and wiped off her notebook, "I wanted to suprise you," they said, blush rising to their cheeks, "I've been trying to learn how to bake so I could make you something instead of the other way around... I had it, but the stupid blender overpowered me and the Oven was yelling at me and- THE BROWNIES!"

Yuu ran over to the oven and frowned, "No... they burnt." She was about to grab the pan bare handed but Trey stopped her.

"If you wanted to learn, why didn't you ask me? I'd love to teach you," He said as he grabbed an oven mitt and took out the burnt brownies.

"I didn't want to bother you," they said, defeated. "You're so busy already, and I wanted to do something nice for you..."

Trey smiled and shook his head, "You could never bother me. Especially when it comes to this" He picked up the recipe and smiled, "I can teach you a better recipie, one i know by heart," he swipped some frosting off of Yuu's cheek and tasted it, "The frosting is good, a little over-whipped but good, so we have a bit of a base to work with. Put it in the fridge while we clean and make some coffee. You have most of the ingredients out already, we just need-"

"Wait," Yuu said and held up their hands, "You mean it? You'll teach me?"

Trey kissed the Yuu's forhead and said, "My mother always said, food tastes better when you make it with someone you love~"

Cater has been seeing a lot of baking hacks on his magicam feed and decided to try one, except Yuu got to it first. He walked to the kitchen with his equipment in hand, ready to film, but when he got there, Yuu was putting the finishing touches on their donuts.

"Cater!" Yuu was very excited as they picked up their plate of freshly made donuts, "I saw this donut recipe on Magicam and thought you would like it!"

Cater smiled at his S/o and ruffled their hair with his free hand, "You read my mind! I was on my way to make them!"

He looked down at the slightly mishappend donuts and picked on up, "You know what? We can do a live reaction vid on my magicam! This is perfect!!" Cater started to set up his phone stand when he saw Yuu's notes and mess on the table, as well as a pile of burnt and underdone donuts. There were piles of flour and powdered sugar all over the notes.

Yuu's smile had fallen, and they looked nervous, "c-could we not? I-i'm still learning a-and am not sure about the flavor or the texture s-so can we not film this live?"

Cater could see how nervous their partner was and nodded, "I bet they taste amazing, but we don't have to film if you don't want to." He reached out and picked up one of the donuts on top. He tried it, and it was a little overcooked, but overall, it tasted pretty good! It wasn't too sweet, had a cakey flavor, and wasn't too dense. Cater smiled and popped the rest in his mouth. "This is really good!" He said, licking the powdered sugar off his fingers, "How long did it take you to make them?"

Yuu couldn't hold back their smile, "Really!? You like them?!" They put the plate down and dusted off their hands, "5th time is the charm!"

"5 times?" Cater was shocked, he didn't think the hack was that difficult.

"Well, yeah," Yuu rubbed the back of their neck and looked down at the donuts, "I wanted them to be perfect for you, so I found a recipe that wasn't too sweet. But because of that, the baking time was different, so I had to experiment to get the right recipe."

Cater felt his heart warm. "You did this all for me?"

"Of course," Yuu said and grabbed their notebook, wiping off some powdered sugar from the page, "I know you're not a fan of sweets, so I have been trying to learn some more... Cater-friendly treats that you could substitute at unbirthday parties and events." They flipped through the notebook and scanned the recipies, "I have successfully made 5 so far counting the donuts, but I didn't want to show you till they were perfect."

"You did this all... for me?" Cater looked at the notebook, and his expression changed from his usual "happy" face to a genuine smile. He leaned down and kissed Yuu's forehead before turning to a pudding recipe that caught his eye, "Ya know what... can you teach me to make this? Not for magicam, just for us?"

Yuu smiled and nodded, "I-I would love to!"

Deuce just wanted a glass of water, but he was face with a batter filled kitchen and a trey full of cookies. Yuu was grinning from ear to ear as they held out the trey. They had been working on them while Deuce finished his homework. They wanted to reward him for getting an "A-" on his recent Professor Trien assignment with a sleepover and some cookies.

"Suprise!" Yuu said as they held out the try, "I've been working on them all day! They finally didn't burn!"

Deuce smiled at his partner and ruffed their hair, “They smell delicious, Yuu.”

He picked up one of the cookies and it started to go limp in his hand. It felt weird in his hands, but Yuu worked really hard on these so he forced a smile and took a bite of the cookie. To say it was underdone was an understatement. The cookie turned to mush in his mouth and tasted more like sugar than anything else. The overwhelming taste of sugar made him want to gag, but he held it back to the best of his ability for the sake of Yuu. They watched him with anticipation as they held out the cookies.

Deuce forced a smile through the taste and gave them a thumbs up, “Delicious… mmmm.”

Yuu’s expression fell, they saw past it, “Don’t lie… what’s wrong? Are they undercooked? did I manage to overcook them again?” They were listing off reason after reason and Deuce felt awful.

“Nonono! I love them! They taste amazing! See!” Deuce shoved the rest of the cookie in his mouth and proceeded to shove the rest of the sugar-rotten, mushy cookies into his mouth. His stomach was revolting, and his tastebuds were throwing a hissy fit, but he wasn’t going to let any of Yuu's hard work go to waste.

"Deuce!! What are you doing!?" Yuu exclaimed and pulled the trey away from him. "You're going to make yourself sick!!"

Deuce shoved the last of the cookies into his mouth, and he felt like he was going to puke. But he smiled through the pain. "See... told you.. they were... good..."

He swallowed down the nausea and held onto the counter. He saw their notes on the counter and felt worse. They have been working so hard to do this for him.

"Deuce..." Yuu rubbed his back and said, "You idiot, sit down. I'll get some water and meds."

They turned to grab the stuff, but before they did, Yuu kissed Deuce's cheek and said, "Thank you, Deuce."

Deuce smiled for real now and turned to his partner, "You worked so hard on them, it's the least I can do," then a rare stroke of brilliance hit Duece like a freight train, "I-If you want to learn to bake, wanna call my Mom and Grams? They make really good cookies and would be happy to help, plus we can do it together!!"

A bright smile graced Yuu's face, and they nodded vigorously, "I would love to! We can learn together!"

The next weekend, Duece and Yuu made cookies with the help of his family on call. Ms. Sade and Nana Spade also made some remarks that left the couple red and speechless!

Ace smelled something off-putting when he entered Ramshackle. At first, he thought it was him that smelled seeing as he just got out of basketball, but he showered and stole some of Jamil's deodorant, so he actually smelled decent. He walked further into the dilapidated dorm and realized it was coming from the kitchen.

He entered and saw chaos. It gave Ace flashbacks to when Trey went on strike and didn't bake for an unbirthday party. There were ingredients everywhere, notes everywhere, and in the center of the chaos was Yuu, pulling a cake out of the oven.

“Ace! You’re just in time!” Yuu exclaimed when they spotted him.

“Just in time for what exactly?” Ace asked as scents assaulted his nose and his stomach churned at the sight.

“To taste test!” Yuu placed the cake on the one clean spot on the counter. Next to them was a bowl of frosting and a bowl of strawberries. They pulled out two plates, a knife, a spoon, and two forks. “Trey gave me this lemon cake recipe to start with, and a simple strawberry-compote and frosting recipes to go with it. He said once I mastered this he would give me something more complicated-“

“Woah, woah, woah, hold up for a sec. Trey gave you a recipe?” Ace asked, “For what?”

“Just to learn,” Yuu said cutting the cake, “I’ve always wanted to learn how to bake and Trey said that if I helped out with unbirthday parties, he would be happy to tutor.” They placed a piece of cake in front of Ace with a smile, they then grabbed their notebook and a pen “So, taste test 01, Lemon Cake with whipped frosting and strawberry compote. Taste testers Ace and Yuu.”

Yuu put the pen down, used the spoon to scoop frosting and compote on to each plate then handed Ace a fork. Ace smiled and took the fork, “Best kind of test I’ve had in weeks!” He took a big bite of the cake, frosting, and compote. It tasted good at first, the smooth frosting and strawberries went well with the lemony cake. Then he tasted something salty, really salty. Like… soy sauce?

Yuu must’ve also tasted the soy sauce as their face also skewed. “Is it suppose to be salty?”

Yuu shook their head and looked at the recipe. “I-I did everything to a T! What hap…. They soy sauce was the dud.”

Ace looked at them confused, “the what?”

“The dud! Remember! Trey always puts a dud ingredient in so no one can steal his recipes.” Yuu put their hands on their heads in anguish. They were really upset, “I’m such an idiot! Why would soy sauce be in a LEMON cake, Ugggh its ruined!”

Ace put the fork down and awkwardly placed his hand on their back in comfort, “Hey, it doesn’t taste that bad. If ya lather on the strawberries and the frosting, you can hardly taste it.”

Yuu looked up at Ace with an exasperated look, “hardly taste it. Really. No snarky comments on how it taste more like take out than desserts?”

Ace winced. His reputation proceeded him. But he wanted to be better for his partner, “Look Yuu, the cake doesn’t taste great, but it ain’t awful. And the strawberries and frosting are good. So we grab some gram crackers. Eat them with strawberries and frosting. Save the cake for Deuce, Jack, Epel, Trey, and the others. Then this weekend, we send Grim out with Deucy so you and I can try making this again? Sound Good?”

Yuu looked at Ace with the hint of a smile, then hugged him, “You’re the best Ace.”

“I know, I’m a genius,” Ace said, “If only you listened to me more often~”

“Don’t push it Ace,” Yuu said and was about to put the cake in the oven when Deuce, Jack, Epel, Sebek, and Grim entered Ramshackle.

“Ah! Our first victims!”

The rest of the Week, Ace and Yuu enjoyed pranking their friends with the lemon-soy sauce cake, until the weekend when they had a fun and messy baking-date.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note: Please Like, Reblog, and Follow for more! If you are interested in seeing more characters in this scenario or these characters in different scenarios, please let me know! (Do not Steal)

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yourlocalcorviddad · 4 months

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Saw a post about Danny calling Dani his little Comet, this one, and then I had an idea to and mix it with a favourite Hozier song, Work Song. Feel free to add or whatever if it strikes you!

"Ah, shh, shh little Comet, it's ok, I've got you."

The attempt at keeping his voice steady didn't really work, but he was sure he was keeping a good hold on his emotions at least, since Ellie was calming down in his hold. It didn't mean he wasn't panicking inside at the situation but he was managing. He only had to make it a few more weeks before the others could come, then everything would be safe.

He got her settled in his bed, sleeping and calm now. He had a crib for her, and Jordan too eventually, but he couldn't really stand the thought of them to far. So bed it was.

Both clone and future self had been deaged due to the damage taken, done at Frostbite's direction to heal and better stabilise both. Jordan's injuries had come in defence of both him and Ellie, and, like a weird mirror, Ellie's from defending him and the injured Jordan when he was to weakened from injuries to fight. Ellie had just been deaged from it Dan, who he decided was going to be called Jordan too give himself some separateness, was reverted to his core. In an effort to protect and give him time to heal, he has him inside himself, next to his own core. He'd been warned it meant that Dan would likely take on more of being like his child than his future self, but he just wanted him alive, not like he didn't have the risk of it anyway, at least this time it was under his control.

There was no hope of returning to his dimension, it had been clear at that point, but they had been trying to free all the ghosts they could and get all liminal people and their family rounded up to safety before the GIW got to them. Danny, as the heir prince-until he was of age for the throne at 100-was sent ahead to bridge trust with another dimension, this one in fact, to see it they could bring their people, his people, there.

Clockwork and the Ancients and Observants worked with his parents and the others from town, and other liminality touched people, to get everyone into the ghost zone, which he had leaned also got called the Infinite Realms, safely and cut off that dimension from it.

Apparently that's what most magical creatures had done to that one anyway, long ago. He'd even met the descendents of the witches that had been hunted by, and thus placed the curse on, his family back when Amity was a village.

They'd lifted the, severely weakened by then but still present, curse after apologies were made and explanations done. It was a relief, even though it is likely what had even held him tethered to life enough to become a halfa at all, but he felt more at ease now without it.

All in all, it led him to where he was now though. A new world, a new set of rules, similar but still so different, and two kids that were essentially his.

The sudden crash outside his window on the alley side had him rushing over, ready to defend as best he could, still healing from the injuries in the last fight with the GIW, in case it was a villain attacking.

Only to pause at the sight of the, now likely unconscious, blue and black clad vigilante in the dumpster below.

"Fuck... Well can't leave him, who knows who'd find him there."

It took a bit of work, and mild use of his weak but still present powers, but he got him up stairs and into his apartment onto the, comfortable if he said so himself, couch.

Once there, he checked him over for injuries, careful not to take the domino off and keeping him as clothed as possible, but tending to his wounds as best possible. Doing so, he realised the other was probably only about 20-21, close to his age at least. It made him wonder how long the other had been a hero, and made a thought to ask later.

For now he settled in to make some food -that hopefully wouldn't accidentally come alive again-and keep an eye on his daughter and the hero.

#dpxdc #death defying #defying gravity #can't remember which is the ship for Danny/Dick but yeah #giw fucked around to much and the entire dimension is gonna get cut off #they're moving people over in between fights and all #Danny gets to stake out the DC universe since he's to injured to fight for a while #Ellie is Dani deaged into a baby and Dan is reverted to core and basically needed to be incubated to heal #and Danny didn't want to burden anyone else and since he'd be stationary for a while he took it upon himself #trans Danny? yeah #trans Danny au cause i said so XD #now I'm just imagining the food coming back to life just as Dick wakes up and he can like #see the kitchen from the couch and all he sees is someone with glowing green lasers fighting moving food #he's gonna think Tameranian first i bet #that's all i got for now it's almost 2i should sleep

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sandrayofsun · 8 months

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I may be Team Top??

As promised in my last post, I'm making a diary entry for TopMew!

I'll start by saying that I have not been a fan of this couple throughout the show, but I did like their characters separately. Something that I felt a lot throughout the series was the lack of chemistry and awkwardness surrounding TopMew. Mind you, I've watched "A Boss and a Babe," I KNOW ForceBook has chemistry.

In saying that, episode 8 has officially changed my mind on the TopMew train hehe.

Specifically this scene

Mew's revenge era is honestly what made me like him the most... Unpopular opinion maybe, but I found it really relatable that he is doing things he normally doesn't do and becoming someone different. Top did a really shitty thing to him. Despite him being "perfect," being a virgin, having good grades, and being respectful, Top still cheated on him. It opened his eyes to the fact that no matter how "good" he is, people are still capable of doing shitty things to him.

So why not do all the things you've never done in the name of being hurt. No matter who he is, people can hurt him no matter what, might as well go out with a bang.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The bathroom scene was interesting because it's the first "civil" conversation they've had since the whole fight blew out. and Top is now seeing the effects of his affair with Boston reflecting on Mew. Even with Mew rubbing Ray in Top's face, he still is only worried about Mew and what is happening to him.

It's honestly slightly refreshing that Top isn't taking the jealousy approach because he knows that at the moment he's lost that right. He can't blame Mew for running to Ray because Top set him on that path.

Top was presented to us as a selfish character, one who is used to getting what he wants, and not having much to work for (a little bit like Boston). Him going to Cheum and voicing his concerns for Mew, even taking a little bit of heat from Cheum (you go girl), shows character development on Top's part, and honestly gives me a little bit of hope for their end game.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I want to touch on Mew for a sec, and his "relationship" with Ray.

I think it is so intentional the way that they have framed this phrase for Mew and Ray. How Ray is someone that Mew "should" love, but obviously doesn't, because Mew loves Top and knows deep down that Ray will never fulfill that role in his life (the same way Mew can't fulfill that role in Ray's). Even hesitating to kiss him when they are alone is evidence enough that Mew is pretending.

Curving Ray's kiss and saying they should go and have fun is ultimate "get me out of here" behavior. Mew doesn't want Ray. Simple as that.

I also need to call out the fact that the next time we see RayMew kiss is because Mew is trying to prove a point to Top. Only then does he use Ray to make him jealous, but isn't actually willing to do it in private.

Top's face during this whole scene made me sad tbh. I really felt for him, he was manipulated by Boston and thrown under the bus by Nick. Overall, he did a shitty thing, but that doesn't mean he didn't love Mew or want to be a better person for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This scene called to action the fact that Mew is still jealous over Top. Calling him and Boston out for sitting next to each other and telling them they're free to hook up again was funny but also important to TopMew's relationship.

Top still being there for Mew, helping him when he was throwing up and then sitting next to each other on the floor gave me MAJOR SandRay Episode 1 parallels. But also look at Mew :(

He's asking Top why he has to be an asshole because he still loves him. He is in love with an asshole :((((( and I'd like to point out that this scene was the MOST chemistry that I have seen from these two thus far.

Both of them are hurt, and are hurting for the other. I think deep down, Mew wants to make amends, but also he needs to do this for himself. He needs to spiral a little bit to realize where he is headed. he needs to make Top hurt a little (as sad as that may be).

Top on the other hand is hurt because he did this. He caught feelings, and then messed up the person he loves. He doesn't know how to fix what he broke, but also knows that they are meant to be.

This is what really changed my mind on them. Before it felt like both of them had masks, and didn't really see each other, but now they're both at low points, and seeing each other for the first time. But still loving each other from afar despite the turmoil they're going through.

Top taking care of Mew after everything at the end of the night was so heartwarming. A man who probably has never been one to take care of others, spending what little time with Mew he can get.

I'm really looking forward to seeing where these two go, and huge props to ForceBook for the amazing acting job they're doing!

See you guys next week!!

#only friends the series #only friends ep8 #only friends #topmew #forcebook #sandray #firstkhao #bostonnick #neomark #send help #mewtop #ofts top #ofts mew #ofts ray #ofts sand #ofts nick #ofts boston

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genericpuff · 5 months

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Hello, I want to say that I enjoy reading Lore Rekindled. I used to try and get into Lore Olympus back when it was starting, because I'm a huge Mythology Nerd, especially when it comes to Greek. But, even though the comic had so much potential, I really hated it. The art style was very inconsistent and messy. Like I see why it was appealing because it was striking and unique for the time on Webtoon, but it strained my eyes because it was hard to tell who was who half the time. The writing was all over the place with so many plot's that were supposedly to exist but were either settled in an anti-climatic way or just never were addressed at all. And the characters... by gosh, they act more like fake celebrities' and cardboard cutouts than their actual counterparts. It's so laughable when people say "I can relate to Persephone" like... the girl doesn't have any set traits, she's just a self-insert with no actual flaws! And the fact LO labels itself as a feminist retelling, while it pits women against each other, labels them as objects for men and vilify them for having justifiable concerns... yeah that is a laugh. And I'm not even gonna touch on the Apollo plot... you know the one. But when I heard about Lore Rekindled from Dazzling Kate on Youtube, I decided to check it out because I figured a fan version could not be any worse than what Rachel herself created. And holy Hades, I can see the un-to god effort and care this comic has! This is the complete opposite of LO: it has consistent character models with stunning backgrounds and art, the plotline makes way more sense and is easy to follow with no unnessearcy subplots, and the characters actually have separate personalities! I know Lore Rekindled is still in it's early stages, but already it has shown more promise and potential than what Rachel has created in the last six years! This is why ghost writers and fanfiction have a special place in my heart, because they care more about the stories than the authors themselves! Seriously, what you are doing is incredible! I really hope you continue with Lore Rekindled and I will be following the story because you have sparked my interest! It takes a special kind of talent to turn something that an individual like myself loathes, into a piece of work that I can find joy and entertainment in.

On that note, because I really love your story so far, I wanted to ask your permission on something. I have a YouTube channel, it's a small one but I do a bunch of things there like voice dubs, reviews, theorizes, and writing advice. So if it is alright with you, would it be okay if I could do a review of your Lore Rekindled Series and maybe potentially do a comic dub of the story as well? I'll be sure to credit you, I just want people to see this story that you worked hard on.

Ahhh I'm so glad you like it! Everything you mentioned about LO's missed or lost potential was exactly why I set out to make Rekindled, so it always brings me so much joy when people tell me it connected with them, means I gotta be doing at least something right LOL Though I've had to adjust Rekindled's update schedule to make room for other projects and priorities in my life, there's still loads left with it that I wanna tackle.

If you wanna do a review or any sort of video content with it, by all means! DazzlingKate's review took me by surprise (in a good way) because I had no idea it was happening until someone linked me to it after it was posted haha It's a little nerve-wracking sometimes to see it breach outside of Tumblr, but so far all the occasions of such have been generally fair game without any issues so I don't see why not! ~ <3

Thank you again, I hope Rekindled continues to entertain you and bring you joy ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

#lore rekindled #lore rekindled ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything #ama

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stelliferousduo · 10 days

Text

;;ooc: Happy Mother's Day, Lumine. Have a cute daughter. uwu

I've been meaning to design a lovechild for my OTP for a while now and she's finally here! :3 (I edited Yaoyao's portrait because her clothes are Liyue style)

Name: 心玥 (xīn-yuè), 'Xīn' means 'heart' and 'yué' is a special kind of jade bead/pearl given to the Emperor by God in Chinese folklore. It is said to shine as bright as the moon.

Age: 4

Species: Half-Adeptus

Vision: Adaptive but generally resonates with Anemo. She inherited Lumine's special constituion which allows her to wield various elements with an actual vision.

Weapon: Bow (future)

Kit: Support (healing/buffing)

-> Backstory under cut.

Okay so I've read a lot of angsty stories where Lumine leaves Xiao with their child to continue her journey with Aether post-reunion, so I wanted to take the opposite approach. uwu

Basically in my HC, Lumine got pregnant shortly before the final battle and reconciliation with her brother. When the time came to say goodbye to Teyvat, she was still unaware of her condition.

Shortly after moving onto the next world, the first symptoms of pregnancy began to show and she eventually sought out a medic for a check-up. They confirmed that she was three months pregnant. This obviously came as a big shock to both Lumine and her brother.

While she contemplated returning to Teyvat at first, she was scared of Xiao's reaction - especially since they parted ways without properly resolving their feelings for one another. She ultimately decided to remain by her Brother's side, but they did settle in one place for a while until she had given birth and Xinyue was old enough to accompany them on their travels.

Despite being new to motherhood, Lumine did a decent job at raising the baby and Aether was there to help her as well. The real problems began when Xinyue grew older and it became appearant that she bore a very strong resemblance to her father.

Every time Lumine looked at her daughter, she was reminded of Xiao - which was both a blessing and a curse. Even though she should be happy that her child looked like the man she loves, it also amplified just how much she missed him.

To shelter herself from this pain, Lumine began to slowly distance herself from Xinyue, leaving her in Aether's care while she often went on small trips or journeys on her own.

Xinyue loved her uncle and enjoyed spending time with him, but obviously she suffered from being separated from both her mom /and/ dad now. She had only ever seen Xiao on pictures and whenever she asked when they could go meet him, she was always brushed off.

In the end, I think it would be Aether who bonks his silly sister on the head and tells her to stop torturing herself like that and just return to Teyvat and live there happily as a family. Obviously it is a difficult decision for him to make because this means having to say 'goodbye' again - as he would continue his wandering lifestyle - but at least he could come and visit them every now and then.

As for Lumine's reunion with Xiao and him meeting his daughter for the first time, I haven't quite made up my mind on how I want that to go or how he would react. Xiao is a difficult character to grasp but if anyone wants to jump on this AU and throw in their two cents, go ahead. <3

#{ headcanons }#{ ship brainrot }#xiaolumi #a heart which shines as bright as the moon { Xinyue }

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