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delirious-donna · 5 months

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Demon In The Mirror [Sebastian Michaelis]

an: this is a rework of an old fic for a different character/fandom. I liked this fic idea and lovely Sebby really fit it, or at least I think so! I've been hyperfixated on the world's best butler so this scratched an itch for me.

pairing: Sebastian Michaelis x female reader

warnings: canon Sebastian, mirror sex, rough touching, praise, light degradation, biting, mark marking, dirty talk, pussy fingering, overstimulation, unprotected sex, mentions of blood (tiny)

Masterlist

A mirror–polished and unassuming as it stood in the corner of the room. It never lied, never hid the truth behind a veil of deceit. All it could do was reflect what it hungrily absorbed.

Truth laid bare for all who peered into its depths. The reflection of not only your physical reactions–the jerk of your limbs, soft quiver of your stomach–but your emotions poured into the surface and were somehow magnified back. Magic, perhaps?

On its own, the mirror was a beautiful thing, decoratively ornate and standing on claw feet. You gazed into it every morning to peruse your outfit and ensure your hair was coiffed exactly as intended. However, when you added what was showing on the calm surface at this moment, the mirror became a truly magnificent beast.

Two bodies entwined in a lover’s embrace.

Every detail was laid bare in exquisite detail, and this outcome was entirely your doing. Slender fingers with midnight nails flexed deliberately into your jaw, testing the strength you had long known against the delicate frame of your mortal body. The angle forced you to stare straight ahead, to witness what was happening to you in such clarity it stole the little air remaining from your lungs.

“You wanted this, did you not?” He lilted with an air of amusement that curled your toes. “I believe you were rather forthright with your desires this evening, at least you were once I coaxed them out of you.”

Sebastian Michaelis, the head butler and right-hand man to your father was a demon. As the eldest daughter in the family and well into your twenties, you were an anomaly to your father. He would have married you off years ago if it weren’t for your ability to chase away every suitor that called. The only person who had been able to get close to you was Sebastian if you could even call him a person. Except, you liked that he wasn’t human—humans were boring.

You cared not for whatever mysterious and demonic bond had been formed between him and your father. All that mattered was that he saw the real you beneath the prickly exterior you presented to the world. It had taken many months of flirtatious glances, heated whispers promising you all manner of carnal pleasure and touches that only grew in intimacy, but you considered Sebastian to be your lover for close to half a year now.

The only problem… he treated you with kid gloves.

“Sebastian… You know, it would be okay if you held me a bit tighter. If you wish to, that is.”

That was what had started it all, the words that led to this path of twisted pleasure.

You recalled the delicate touch of white-gloved fingers, how they curled around your biceps to draw you into his lap. His carefully fastened tie and top buttons were messily undone by your hasty fingers and his midnight hair was just the tiniest bit dishevelled from where you had brushed through it.

The demon gently pawing at you was more than capable of tearing people apart with his hands, the white of his gloves rarely soiled by the crimson remnants of the deaths he bestowed, and yet he held you as if you were fine china. Didn’t he know that the times you bore witness to his feats of strength had resulted in ruined undergarments beneath your gown? He was a sight to behold, tall and lithe with a presence that demanded respect despite being a servant by occupation. What you wouldn’t give for him to direct some of that power and strength towards you, on those intimate late-night visits to your quarters.

“But, my dear, you are so soft. I wouldn’t wish to hurt you.” The sentiment was huffed into the sweet crook of your neck, his warm breath fanning across your skin whilst he smeared lazy, wet kisses to your jaw and the pulse hammering beneath the surface. It sounded almost bemused, and that irritated you.

You were no porcelain doll only to be taken out when it suited and arranged delicately upon pristine sheets. You were no silly girl. You were a woman, goddammit, and you wished above all else to be treated as such. Apparently, your expression gave away your frustration, either that or Sebastion was simply well-tuned to the emotions swirling in your complex mind.

“Have I said something wrong, darling girl?”

With today’s gown laid neatly atop your dresser, the petticoats beneath bunched around your thighs and hips, you sat back on your haunches to glower at him. His finger idled with the lace fastens of your bodice, doing little to stop you from moving away from his embrace.

A petulant huff passed your lips, arms folded across your chest, and his easy smile dimmed in response. It should have been your first warning, but ire had a way of dulling your senses to danger.

“I will remind you that I am not made of glass, nor will I break if you…” The remaining words of your tirade seemed to become stuck in the back of your throat as your gaze met with Sebastian’s. The subtle carmine of his irises caught fire, glowing coals of ember that spoke of something… unknown? Worryingly unknown.

Maybe you had misspoken, your tone a little more harsh than you intended but it was too late to remedy. Your shoulders sagged, your body deflating rapidly from the hot air that filled you only moments ago.

The room charged with electricity, you could feel it press atop your head like a physical manifestation of a weight trying to crush you against your bedspread. Something was most assuredly wrong and it wouldn’t be long before you found out the consequences of your little outburst.

“If I what?” he hissed from between gritted teeth, white and gleaming.

Your eyes snapped to his face, and the stark lines of displeasure traced his cheekbones and brow. No longer were you gazing into the face of Sebastian, your lover, this was the demon that lurked beneath. The one you longed for and were going to suffer his wrath no matter if you tried to back peddle or not.

He sat up straight with a start, forcing you further back and almost tumbling you right out of his lap. A palm anchored around your wrist, tightening against the fragile tendons until they nearly popped and wrenching you forward until you were nose to nose. His breathing was harsh, your own picking up pace to match it perfectly. For a moment you thought he would speak but after many moments of staring back and forth, he pushed back and looked towards the periphery.

With a precision no man or demon should have, he caught the fingertip of his virginal white gloves between his teeth and slowly pulled each one free in turn. You squirmed watching him reveal his hands, the intricate design that you always did your best to ignore caught your attention but it was quickly stolen away.

That same hand shot forward to wrap around your hair, yanking on the length in one swift motion until your roots tugged painfully and your throat bared in front of his eyes. The breathless whine you expressed sounded truly pathetic, only matched by the arousal pooling in your underwear.

“Hm, so you won’t break if I do this?”

Sebastian reared back and bit around the slender column of your throat, not enough to break the skin but it hurt—it hurt bad enough to spark tears in your eyes. The sweep of his hot, wet tongue licked across the mark he made, tracing the indents his teeth had created along with a low grunt that sounded from the depths of his chest.

Cool, nimble fingers reached into the front of your bodice, teasing against your heated flesh before rending the garment clean in two. The noise of expensive fabric ripping thundered in the room and you gasped at the sudden chill covering your naked breasts.

It was hard to navigate the sudden flip in his demeanour, although you had all but asked for it. You braced your trembling hands over the lapels of his double-breasted jacket in an attempt to find grounding and solace, but there was none to be found. It appeared that your demon lover was bowing to your whims, you should be pleased, and yet there was a beat of trepidation in your heart. What had you let yourself in for?

As if sensing your wayward conviction, Sebastian moved with alarming ease to the edge of the bed. It was evident that your added weight meant nothing to him, and that alone made you moan into the shell of his ear.

He placed you down in a puffy cloud of your petticoats and stood to shrug out of his jacket and waistcoat but annoyingly left his shirt in place. It didn’t stop you from ogling him openly, knowing what lay beneath even if it was rare to spend the night with him completely nude.

A finger and thumb pinched into the fat of your cheeks, lifting your gaze from the blatant lust-filled staring to meet his eyes that had mellowed to a sparkling fuschia. He was so pretty, so devastatingly pretty that you clung to his wrist, blinking up at him with heat-filled cheeks.

“You will direct your eyes up here, and wherever I instruct, is that clear?”

Only when he was satisfied he had captured your attention and you had given your clear understanding did he release the grip of his fingers, settling beside you. He patted his lap in invitation and you were crawling before he could even raise a sleek black eyebrow.

Smooth palms decorated your sides, pausing to grope your breasts. Sebastian exhaled a laugh when the excess spill from your breasts squished between his splayed fingers, pebbled nipples grazing the hearts of his palms. You whined and rocked against the bulge beneath his tailored trousers, only feeding the frenzy of his wandering hands and how roughly he was exploring your smooth skin. It was a perfect storm of demonic lust and ardent excitement, the result of which resided in the pit of your stomach. You were drooling between your thighs, flushed by the thought of it and you knew he’d tease you when he discovered how wet you were.

“A needy little thing, aren’t you? Darling, surely you aren’t this desperate for my cock?” His hand was beneath the plumes of petticoats, zeroing in on your soaked panties before you could blink. Sebastian tsked whilst his finger stroked the sizeable wet stain that traced the length of your slit. “Deary me, you’re already soaked. One might think that this side of me excites you.”

Without warning, he bounced you from his knee, your feet found the plush rug by your bed but your balance was not to be trusted and you were thankful for the firm hands at your waist keeping you steady. That was until those ruthless hands were twisted in your petticoats and tugging them down your legs to pool around your twisting feet, followed by the sudden removal of the final piece of clothing.

You tried to shield your modesty–an arm slung across your breasts and a hand cupping your sex whilst stepping out of your panties when suddenly you were dwarfed by Sebastian’s taller frame. He appeared even taller than usual, though you weren’t sure if it was an illusion aided by the long shadows cast by the candles on your bedside.

A mere flick of his wrist and your hand dislodged from protecting your decency. He stepped right into your personal space to force his hand exactly where yours had once been and began to dig deeper. Your nails scrambled against the stiff white starch of his shirt, blinking up at him much too fast whilst he took no care to spread you apart with his fingers.

“A-ah, Sebastian!”

Again, he tsked you and clicked his tongue against his teeth in admonishment when a slick covered finger rose into your vision, sparking a fresh wave of heat in every inch of your body.

“Clean it off like a good girl,” he cooed, his voice dripping in honeyed sweetness that you did not trust.

This was not something you had participated in before, but you were determined to meet the challenge in his eyes and earn a sliver of praise that would bow your spine. The taste was surprisingly sweet, a little heavy on your tastebuds but you sucked the long digit between your lips and twirled your tongue around and around to better understand why Sebastian so loved to lay between your thighs and indulge.

He patted your head affectionately, lowering his hand to caress your cheek and smirked when you turned your face to press a kiss to his palm. Unknown to you his attention had snared on the standing mirror in the far corner of your bedroom, eyeing it with first curiosity and then wicked amusement.

You were uncertain why he was interested in the mirror, leaving you by the bed naked and vulnerable, to examine the gold-gilded frame and moving it with ease towards you. What on Earth..?

“What are you–?”

Sebastian cut you off, turning you roughly and sitting with you on full display for the mirror. It made you uncomfortable to see yourself this exposed, you barely looked at yourself in this state whilst bathing or dressing so to see the thick strands of lust hanging from your parted lips was jarring. A sensation writhed in your chest, a mixture of embarrassment mingling with a little pride. Your demon that stared from over your shoulder was here of his own free will, no contract or binding bid him to your side and that was an empowering thought.

He chuckled, pressing a chaste kiss to your flushed cheek. “I am merely doing what you asked of me. You wished me to hold you tighter and be used like a pretty whore for the night, so I am doing just that.”

“I didn’t say that!”

“Ah, but you may as well have, my darling. Your body speaks far more readily than your mouth and I can hear it loud and clear.”

Before he had finished speaking, his thumb found your eager little pearl, stroking around and around in maddening circles without touching it directly. Sebastian shuffled beneath you and you felt the blunt tip of his cock trace along your cunt for the first time that night.

A thread of power pulled through the length of your spine, straightening it and you knew deep down that it was his doing. Your eyes flickered to his blazing ones, biting your lip enough to cause blood to bead. A heated kiss cleaned the offending crimson from your plump bottom lip. The scene was like nothing you could ever dream of. No book or play could conjure such images. It was enough for sweat to roll from your temples and he hadn’t even slipped inside yet.

“Can you see what I see?” He cooed, stroking the curve of your jaw with his thumb.

You weren’t sure you did. Sure, you were a carnal feast for the eyes but wouldn’t any woman be in this position? Evidently, he disliked your silent uncertainty.

“A strong woman who stood against her family and chose to take a demon as a lover instead of marrying into dazzling wealth.”

Your chin rose as the words hit home, the cool ferocity of his tone enough to make you clench around nothing but air and the promise of what was to come.

“You are mine. No one else could hope to take you from me. I speak these words now and I will die by them. Mine. Do you understand?”

Nodding weakly, you watched his features twist in the reflection of the mirror. The desperate hunger and possession stoked the fires of the demon. It was at that moment that he pushed the bulging tip into your leaking cunt, pushing deeper past the tight ring of muscles with an exalted sigh of triumph. Sebastian held you still, fingers gripping the meat at your waist to prevent you from trying to run from the stretch you were sure to be experiencing.

It only took one forceful rut of his hips to sheath himself halfway, forcing your silken walls apart, to accept him as you always did. The remaining air from your lungs expired from the sudden pressure and overwhelming feeling of fullness.

Steady hands braced on the inside of your knees to prevent you from closing your thighs and it only made your whimpers sound all the more desperate. You were met with a warning growl directed into your ear, fiery pain following from the sharp teeth that tore at your shoulder until the marks were clear in the watery image in the mirror.

You blinked through tears, struggling in the clutches of a beast you had never mated with before. This was different, and you knew that when he stroked himself to the hilt in your cunt, he felt bigger, wider even, and the tip of his cock knocked painfully at your cervix.

It was near impossible to keep your eyes open, not when they were filled with unspilled tears and your head and heart were pounding from the lack of movement. Scrunching your eyes closed was natural when all you wanted to do was roll your hips and surrender to the build of friction but you couldn’t.

“Watch.” He demanded, wetting two fingers in his mouth and smacking them against your jumping clit as punishment for daring to close your eyes. “This is what you wanted and you’ll see just how rough I can be.”

Here you were. Nude and being used for pleasure. Wrapped in a strong embrace that forced you to witness what you had brought about. Expert fingers pinched at your tender nipples and rolled the taut buds between finger and thumb whilst the other hand abused your puffy clit.

Your body trembled as another orgasm neared–you had no idea what number this one was and it certainly wasn’t the first.

“Oh. Oh, fuck.”

The words tumbled out in velvet tones, eliciting a dark chuckle from Sebastian. He delighted when you cussed, knowing that your usual etiquette was entirely lost and your decency stolen away by how he fucked your pliant body.

With every new wave of pleasure, you understood more and more about the monster holding you tight and you didn’t believe you could love him any more than you did right now. He could destroy you without so much as breaking a sweat and yet he chose to hold you like this. Yes, it was rougher than ever before but you knew there was still a gentleness to his ministrations.

This demon had found a mortal interesting enough that for the first time in his long existence, he had no desire to ever see his contract fulfilled.

His pistoning hips stopped; twitching cockhead buried against your cervix and the pulsing veins that ran the length of his thick shaft throbbed for release. He had assaulted the softy tissue buried behind your clit for long enough, it was time for him to find release too.

You were witnessing the birth of a million stars–a fucking cosmos--behind your eyelids as Sebastian massaged your insides in slow, deliberate circles. Every time you found the reflection in the mirror and met his potent stare, it made you whimper and rut even harder against him.

He was close, you could feel it with every laboured breath at the nape of your marked neck.

“What a picture you make, my dear, one I would love to hang in my room. You are all blissed out and ready for me to spill. Should I cum inside or paint your pretty stomach?”

Your head fell to his shoulder, and for the first time, he let you take your eyes off the show in front of you. Instead, he narrated it to you and that was almost worse. The seductive silky smooth tone of his words heated your blood beyond the boiling point.

“Oh my... look at this thick creamy ring around my cock… I could watch your pretty pussy drool over me all day.”

With a final shove of his hips, jets of heat coated your walls and you were spared from the embarrassment of begging for him to cum inside you. Sebastian grunted into your neck, the sensation of his hot mouth on your skin and the continued lazy pumps deep in your cunt tripped you over the cliff edge and into freefall.

Boneless, panting and mind blank except for the pleasure, your dazed eyes lifted to stare at the mirror.

Hair as black as a starless sky fell over your shoulder, strong arms clinging to your midriff and a mixture of viscous arousal dripped from between your trembling thighs.

Flushed and shivering, you bit your lip at the sight—your demon in the mirror.

#delirious writes #sebastian michaelis #sebastian black butler #black butler x reader #sebastian x reader #black butler smut #sebastian michaelis smut

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graveyardcuddles · 3 months

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I'm thinking about Astarion again and how actually amazing it is that he managed to hold onto as much of himself as he did after having had everything about his identity and sense of self systematically stripped away from him. And how it's even more incredible he managed to do so without even getting to look at himself at all in all that time.

We know his trauma cut him off from his ability to trance and therefore his ability to recall memories from before he was turned. What must it be like to have nothing? Not even happy memories to look back on? A spawn. A dead thing to be used as his master sees fit. Tortured by Cazador and Godey. Starved to the point of constant hunger pain. Forced to use his body and sexuality to seduce people who sometimes not only disgusted him but who would sometimes even hurt him...AND through all of this, this whole nightmare, he can't even see his own face. Even his own perception of himself is stolen from him.

I've gone through some horribly low points in life. Points where I've felt like I was literally losing my mind or about to end it all. And sometimes in those moments, I just had to stare at myself in the mirror, look myself in the eye and literally talk myself down. There have been times where my mental state was so bad and my perception of reality so warped I HAD to look at my own reflection in the mirror to remind myself I was still real.

Astarion remembers so little of his face that he can't remember if he ever had a mole on his cheek or not. He can't remember the color of his own EYES. For as much as fans talk about the angst of him not being able to remember his own eyes I don't know if any of us could even imagine forgetting oneself so completely that such a defining physical characteristic is lost to memory. It's difficult to imagine as beings with limited lifespans. And imagine the added torment of being forced to use your looks to survive all while never being able to actually see yourself. (This is why I can't help but feel a bit annoyed when people say things like "Well it's a GOOD thing he can't see himself, can you imagine how annoying he would be?" Like sorry you find 'petty vanity' annoying, it still doesn't mean he deserved to have his sense of self-perception stripped away).

So much of him was killed in the process over those two hundred years of abuse and neglect in order to survive. I think it's fair to say Astarion likely wasn't a saint before he was turned by Cazador but we do know at one point there WAS a kind, sympathetic part of himself that took pity on that young man he spared. A part that I'm sure had to be killed in order for Astarion to survive and remain sane. And in ALL that time there was never once any moment where he could look at himself in the mirror and tell himself that he was still himself.

He lost everything, even the memory of his own eye color. But he wouldn't allow himself to be lost completely. He still talked back. Still screamed the loudest when tortured. Still held onto his anger, his rage his burning desire for revenge. And when he gets the opportunity to take his freedom he fucking LEAPS for it. He is so bound and determined to STAY free once he is free he would literally rather die than go back to Cazador. He's a survivor above all else and I love him so much.

#bg3 #astarion #astarion ancunin #astarion meta

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hyun-xxe · 2 months

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From A distant (Yandere! Jungkook x F!Reader)

Summary: Working for Jungkook had its ups, but mostly it's downs. He's always harsh when it comes to you and always makes you feel like you're dumb. But to Jungkook, this gets him riled up.

warnings: Yandere, stalking, drinking, cursing, MDNI, 18+, non-con touching, more to be added

Your body flinches as your boss throws a big stack of papers on the desk, cursing you during the process.

As his assistant, you were in charge of setting up meetings, making sure he had everything prepared for the meetings, get him his food and coffee and much more.

However right now you were slacking, according to Jungkook.

"You can't do shit right, can you Y/N." he shakes his hand, standing up from his chair and walking toward you.

He stops when hes inches away and with every word he says, he pokes your shoulder, "This. Happens. Every. Fucking time. Want to explain why?"

You take a deep breath in as to not cry in front of him and give him the satifcation of breaking you. "Sir, this was not my fault. You asked me to cancel the meeting between you and Mr. Mingyu, which would've been tomorrow. However, you didn't say about canceling your meeting today and I did make sure to remi-"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he interrupts you, "Are you really trying to argue against me, your boss?" he asks.

You decide against saying anything, so you just nod your head and bow, "I apologize, sir. It won't happen again."

A part of you thought he would fire you since he always seems to love yelling at you for things that were out of your control and were clearly other people's jobs.

Jungkook, upon hearing your apology, smirked. Oh how he loved when you wouldn't argue back after he threatened you like this. Seeing you bend down just to apologize to him sent pleasure down his spine.

Just the scene of you bent has him hard already!

He tilts your chin up for you to look him in the eyes. Seeing your E/C eyes bore into his made him want to fuck you then and there in his office, having you moan his name for the whole building to hear.

"Such a good girl," he whispers, tilting his head to the side, "Always apologizing when told."

You were frozen in place and didn't know what to do. Having your boss call you a good girl while touching you made you heavily uncomfortable, but you were afraid that any wrong move would set him off.

He makes you stand tall, but doesn't remove his hand from your chin. His eyes are still boring heavily into your eyes, as if hes trying to read you.

This has never happened before and it was concerning you. Is this how he acted before firing people? He's usually always yelling, why is he so calm, especially after what happened?

You felt his arms move to your lips and lean down, so you decide to intervene. "I should get back, I think my husband wanted to have lunch with me."

Hearing the word husband made him freeze. Since when did you have a husband and why are you just now mentioning this to him? He takes his hand off your chin and leans back, giving you a questioning look.

"You have a husband?" he asks.

Nodding your head, you take a step back and give an awkward smile, "Yes, I've mentioned this before many times."

Jungkook never recalled you mentioning that ugly bastard to him or to anyone. Are you lying about it perhaps?

He shakes his head and goes back to his seat behind his desk, "I don't recall nor do I care. You can leave."

Taking that cue, you scurry out of there as fast as you can. In all the years you worked here, Jungkook has never made you this uncomfortable before.

Ever since that occurrence, he's been around your desk a lot, often just to stare at you and make small talk. You wanted to tell him to stop bothering you and go back to his desk, but of course who in their right mind would say that to the person handling their paycheck.

As Jungkook started to be around your desk more often, thats when he noticed the pictures of your husband. One picture was of your wedding, you guys at the beach, you and him with some old couple (maybe your parents or his) and another with you both kissing each side of a dogs face.

He didn't like it. In fact, why are you with him? He seems so lazy and such a loser, meanwhile Jungkook owns his own business. What frustrates him more is the fact that you seem to be getting immune to him yelling at you and it just doesn't make any sense.

Before you would clearly be angry and had to count to whatever number just to calm yourself down which would thrill Jungkook to no end. You looks incredibly hot and it made him hard just looking at you. Now though? You just nod your head or apologize.

Where's the fun in that? Is your husband the reason behind this shift? If so, he's gonna pay for it.

Now, he has to resort to watching porn to release himself when before seeing your face and seeing how frustrated were easily made him burst.

"You." he walks up to your desk one day, "Get your lunch, your having it with me in my office."

he didn't even give you time to question his decision as he already walked away into his room.

You sighed and started walking toward the lunch room. Why did he ask to have lunch? You didn't want to eat with him and would rather be stung by 30 bees than sit in the same room as him for an hour.

After getting your food and entering his office, you sat down across from him and started to prepare your lunch to eat.

"What are you doing?" he asks, giving you a questionable look.

"What do you mean? I'm getting ready to eat." you answer, not understanding what he means.

He sighs and pulls a chair next to him, "Sit next to me, now."

You didn't want to deal with his words, so you got up with your stuff and sat down next to him. Why was he acting this way? What was so wrong with you sitting across?

Jungkook pulls out some paper work and sets them in front of you, "I need your help with this." he shows you the work on the paper.

scanning the paper and listening to what he was saying, your eyes immediately found out what was wrong. You pointed it out and started to explain to him what was wrong with it which didn't make you notice how close he was getting to you.

In fact, his breath was fanning your neck as his hand rested on your knee. Not wanting to fuel any awkwardness, you removed his hand while talking. Big mistake.

You saw a glare in his eyes as he placed his hand back in the same spot, this time even tighter.

After you finished speaking, you looked directly at his hand, hoping he would see your discomfort and remove it. He didn't.

You tried stretching your legs and yawning, removing his hand quickly, but he just placed it back on there.

As you were about to open your mouth to say something, he beats you to it. "When i place my hand somewhere, that gives you no right to touch it or move it, am I clear?"

"Sir, I am married. This is not appropriate whatsoever." You calmly say, praying that it doesn't set him over the edge.

You feel his hand tighten even more, causing you to flinch just a little. "Oh, so now you're thinking that I want you?" he throws his head back and laughs, "Please, don't flatter me. Why would I want you? Me placing my hand here shouldn't mean any of that."

Knowing how he is, you knew he tried hurting you with his words, but you didn't care. He said he didn't want you and you were okay with hearing that.

However, Jungkook wanted more of a reaction from you, he wanted his words to hurt you and make you rethink rejecting his advances. But, you just nodded your head and went back to eating.

What the actual fuck?

You were now starting to piss him off even more and it wasn't funny. Everything thought of Jungkook's was now plagued by you and how you talked, moved, smile and much more.

He hated how he would do anything to hear your voice and to see you look at him. It wasn't fair that your stupid, low-life husband got to see you naked, make love to you, and make you moan his name.

Shouldn't you know better than to flaunt the fact that you're married? especially to a lowlife like that man? Where is your dignity at?

No matter the advances Jungkook did, you didn't glance at him. It was like this husband of yours has you under this type of spell.

His thoughts of you turned into obsession as he started taking secret pictures of you at your desk, doing your work, getting coffee, getting your lunch, talking to others, and going to the bathroom. Then it reached to the point where he needed to see more, so outside of work pictures started to flow in.

You going to a restuarant, you walking with your dog, you laughing with some people. His favorite ones were of you in the shower, unwinding after a long day from working with him.

The thing he hated the most, though, was your stupid husband in the back and it pissed him off. Just why? Why couldn't he just die?

Jungkook couldn't take it and he had enough. He needed to do something to have you in his arms once and for all.

"Y/N," Jungkook walked up to you, 30 minutes before you should be heading home, "I need you to stop with what you're doing and come and help me in my office."

You sighed but nodded your head, already up on your feet and walking toward his office.

Once you walked in, he closed the door behind you both, but you didn't pay much mind to it.

"So, what is it that you needed help with?" you ask, looking around his office.

He pointed to a thick stack of papers on his desk, "I need you to sort those out for me. Those are important meeting dates for the future."

You nodded your head and sat in the chair to get started. As you kept working, you noticed how it was past 6 O'clock which was your time to go home.

"Oh, well I'll continue this tomorrow. I should be getting home." you say and started to stand up, only to be held down by Jungkook.

"The fuck? You think that just because it's 6 you can up and leave any work I give you without asking?" he growls lowly, glaring at you.

You didn't know what to say to him since he's never done anything like this before.

"You'll go home when I tell you to, you understand me?" he says, placing both hands on your wrist to keep you down.

Not wanting to argue and have space from him, you nod your head and apologize, "I didn't mean to sound arrog-"

He cuts you off, "You've been talking back a lot these days I noticed." he cups your face, "I wonder where you get this bravery from."

When Jungkook releases his hold on you, he steps back but accidentally brushing against a folder that fell down. Your eyes saw the pieces that scattered out of it.

You froze. It was as if time stopped and your blood went cold. Your heart felt like it stopped beating as you saw the different pictures of you doing literally everything. Different angles of you working, eating, sleeping, and even showering.

How the hell did he get these?

Slowly looking up at him, you expected Jungkook to be embarrassed and start making excuses, but he didn't.

Instead, he gives you a smirk and bends down to pick up on specific picture of you in the bathroom, drying yourself off after showering.

"This is my favorite one. You look sexy here."

Hearing those words sent chills down your spine. That picture was taken two nights ago after you and your husband had sex. Was he waiting outside your house for these?

"W-what the hell?" you muttered, eyes wide as you pick up more pictures. "You sick bastard!" you yell, "What i-is this!?"

He sighs as if you were the one bothering him, as if this was no big deal. "Obviously these are pictures of you. What else would it be?"

That was enough to make you stand up and run towards the door to leave. It was locked.

You tried unlocking it, but it needed to be unlocked with a key, which made you surprised as this was never there before.

"Changed out the handles two weeks ago. You'll need a key to unlock it from here." he smirks, walking toward you.

You back up into the corner, holding your hands out to prevent him coming any further, "P-please stop!" you stutter out, tears pouring down your face, "I'll do anything! I promise I won't speak of this to anyone!" you pleaded.

Jungkook laughed and shook his head, "Don't you understand, Y/N? You've been plaguing my mind for months now. Why? I don't know, but you just can't leave my mind and it bothers me." he places a had on your shoulder and rubs it lovingly, "I just had to take action and get you for myself. Needed to see why I wanted you."

Tears after tears kept rolling down your face as you pleaded with him. "Please, I'm married Jungkook. I am 100% sure there are prettier girls than me who you kill to be with you."

He shakes his head, "You don't seem to understand, Y/N. You think you having a husband will stop me? When I want something, I get it no matter what. Ever since you've been in my mind, other women have been nothing but a burden to me. You are the one I want, the one i need."

He brings you closer to him and places his forehead on your own, rubbing his hands everywhere on your body. You smelt amazing and he needed to taste you.

Bringing up your chin and having you look at him, he smiles before capturing your lips in a long, hungry kiss. Everything felt perfect and he knew you were the one.

After pulling away, he keeps staring at you.

"Please! Just a kiss and let me go! I won't tell a soul, you have my work Jungkook!"

He chuckles before taking your hand and placing it on his clothed member. "I can't. You did this to me and it needs to be fixed. Maybe after I'll let you go."

Jungkook pushes you to your knees and unbuckles his belt and taking out his member. "Go ahead, be a good girl and fix it."

Feeling your hand grab onto it sent him to heaven and back. That was enough to make him bust but he needed to stay strong. You were perfect and seeing you on your knees was enough to make him weak.

Yeah, you're not going anywhere after this.

(should I make a part 2 to this? idk)

you can request any stories with any kpop groups!

#kpop #bts #jungkook #yandere #reader #celebrities #reading #relationship #yanderejungkook

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wilwheaton · 6 months

Note

Hi Mr. Wheaton. We met briefly at Ad Astra some years ago, and I told you that I really appreciated your columns in Dungeon Magazine. Looking back at them now, I have to say that I've only gained further appreciation - it's really meaningful to see someone talking about their experiences sharing the things they love with the people that they love. At the time, you seemed a little sad when I mentioned them, so I hope this is a net positive, but I wanted to tell you that I appreciate them all.

Oh thank you. I had fun writing them, but the subscribers HATED my columns, and were not shy about extending that loud and vicious hate to me. And nobody at the magazine pushed back or spoke up for me.

I mean, I was hired to write about gaming, to write columns about playing other games and living life against the backdrop and through the lens of D&D ... and when I did that, the readers were furious that a single page at the end of the magazine wasn't another page of monster stats.

And the editor who hired me, with that understanding, did not support me in public or even in private. I felt betrayed, left exposed and unprotected. I don't recall anyone, certainly not that editor, speaking up and telling these angry people that I was writing what he'd hired me to write, that he'd told me how much he loved every column I turned in, or giving me any support or defense.

That hurt me. I was still kind of a baby writer then, and being thrown to the wolves like that shook my confidence and made me question why I was hired in the first place. I concluded that it was a stunt to get attention, to draw on what was, at the time, my wildly popular blog, and to extract whatever they could extract from me.

In other words, it was shitty business being shitty business, but it was presented to me as something else.

I've never forgotten how bad I felt through all of that, how much it hurt and how betrayed I felt.

Oh, did I mention I got $50 per column? I did it all for about half a cent a word, not for the money but because I wanted to write and I loved (and love) RPGs.

Ultimately, it was a disappointing experience for me. I still think the stuff I wrote then was fine. It was the best I could do, it was what I was hired to do, and I wish I'd been more supported by the editors. I wish anyone at Dungeon had said a single kind thing to me when I quit the column, but I recall just feeling like the guy I'd been working with and writing for was just like, "oh thank god this is over now I can go back to be loved by gamers."

So, yeah, I was sad because the whole thing is sad and disappointing.

But, all these years later, it's really nice to hear from someone who enjoyed what they asked me to write for them.

May all your rolls be critical successes!

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spider-man-199999 · 1 year

Text

Paris to Tokyo

pairing: college!Peter Parker x Reader: 18+; academic rivals to lovers

word count: 5K

warnings: smut; slight angst; unpotected sex

summary: You start your new life at college, expecting it to be the most exciting time of your life, only to be met with Peter Parker, who decided to dedicate his free time to making your life a living hell

a/n: I've been dying to write an enemies to lovers type of fic, it's also my first time writing anything with suggestive content in it, so bear with me please. The heading is the most random thing I could come up with I'm sorry

College was the place you were looking forward to the most since you graduated high school. It was supposed to be a place where you met people with similar interest, went out with them to have fun and engage in intellectual converstaions. And it was exactly like that, for the most part. Growing up as a natuarally intelligent kid had you been putting little to no effort in school and always got you good grades. This quickly escalated into you trying a bit harder with each test and striving for more academic validation. At some point you even managed to become the best student in your class. But sitting hours on end on a desk and studying was still something very foreign to you. Sure, you would revise from time to time on topics that were harder to remember or things you couldn't recall from class, but it never went further than that. And maybe a degree in Biophysic was not the wisest idea given that backgroung. So, when college came around and you started the new classes on topics your common knowledge could barely help you keep up with, things went downhill very fast. For the first time you were faced with faliure, hard work and putting hours on end to study. It felt like everyone around you was more knowledgeable, more prepared, more educated on literally any topic that was discussed in and outside of class. Being at the bottom of the academic foodchain was mildy infuriating, to say the least.

And after the first few months of sleepless nights, filling up all of the holes so you could catch up to speed, you finally did it, and it felt more rewarding than anything else. This assisted you into making casual conversations with so many people from your different classes, one of them even inviting you to a study group that had been going on for months. You happily agreed to that idea, thinking it would be the best way to keep up with everyone in the class, not only academically but socically as well.

The day of the study group finally arrived on what seemed like the most normal, yet the most exciting Tuesday. They added you to a groupchat, everyone texting back and forth until all of you had agreed to go grab a coffee before heading to the library. You had tried your best to look presentable for this study date, putting on some white wide-leg dress pants and a neat navy blue t-shit that hugged your body very well. You hair was in a sleek bun, having a white buttonup because the weather was slightly chilly. Almost everyone had arrived there on time, which took you by surprise since you were used to being the only one being on time. After the cheerful greeting and formally learning everyone's names, you went inside and grabbed a coffee, returning to them promptly. You stood by the door, since the group had formed a circle around the entrance of the small shop.

"Was I the last one?" You asked concerned, looking around and counting the people.

"Actually, we're waiting for Peter" Someone said, everyone giggling softly and shaking their head.

"Who's Peter?" You asked, and as soon as you did, you felt something push againt your shoulder, sending you a step forward so you wouldn't come crashing down from losing your balance.

"I'M SO SORRY" you heard from behind you, turning around to see a boy with a worried expression on his face, paper cup in his hand. He was handsome, hair pushed back, warm eyes and nervous smile, leather jacked over a black t-shirt.

"That's Peter" someone stated, pulling you out of your trance. Peter chuckled, moving past you and motioning for everyone to go, since he was the one you all had been waiting for.

On the walk there you kept staring at the back of Peter's head, annoyed that he pushed you with the door, frusrated because he didn't even bother to introduce himself to you. Not that he really had to, you already knew well enough who he was. The guy who always came in rushing because he was late, somehow still managed to sit directly in front of you, blocking your view, no matter where you sat. He was the guy that would beat you to every question, the one who would always have the best grade on the tests. He leaned way too back in his seat, back pressed to your desk, pushing it, as you would try to keep up with writing everything down. And he would always ask you for a pen, every single time.

The study room was spacious and bright, it had a big round table for everyone to sit at, as well as two whiteboards and plenty or outlests for chargers and what not. It looked like the perfect place to study with a large group, excluding the fact Peter was there as well. You all took random seats around the table, Parker sitting across from you, almost as if it were on purpose. You held back an eye roll when he smiled at you cockily, making you look away and take out your laptop and notebook from your bag. The screen managed to block out most of Peter's face if you sink into your seat low enough. The conversation in the room flowed naturally, it was so interesting and engaging and you were having a blast speaking to these people. Soon enough all of you had solved the first homework questions, you quickly grabbing a pen and writing it down in your notebook. As you were in the middle of writing, an outside force closed your laptop. Your eyes looked at the laptop, seeing a pale male hand, fingers spread. You stared at it for a few seconds, noticing how pretty the hand actually was, long and straight fingers, follwed by a slim wrist and a muscular forearm. Your gaze trailed the hand up to Peter's face, looking into his eyes with annoyance already.

"Hey, do you-" before he even managed to finished his sentence, you had taken out a pen from your pencil case and placed it on your laptop, next to his hand.

"Thank you" he muttered, you not even looking back at him. This routine, as much as it was annoying, gave you some kind of comfort as well.

"How come you never have a pen with you?" You asked after a while, your curiosity getting the better of you.

"Oh, well actually I do have one, it's easier to just use yours"

''Unbelieveble"

"Come on, like you would ever need a second pen for anything"

You hovered over the table and grabbed the pen from his hand in a swift motion, he looked a bit taken a back, as well as the few people following your interaction.

"Actually, I need it now" you said, putting the one you were using away and continuing your writing with the one you just got back from him.

"You're being unbelieveble now" He said slightly irritated, reaching to get his won pen from his backpack.

"The two of you, cut it out, you're acting like children!" someone shushed you, making you blush when you realised it wasn't just you and the curly-haired boy in the room.

You gulped softly, mummbling a sorry to everyone as you kept writing down.

"Us cut it out? She was the one acting like a child, making a big deal out of a pen!" Peter whined and complained, starting to write down things in his notebook after he got a few angry glares from other people.

Around the time the group got to the third and final question for the homework you were feeling confident enough to try to contribute to the assignment.

"So you're basically saying that principle of hemodialysis is the same as other methods of dialysis - it involves diffusion of solutes across a semipermeable membrane?" you asked, as you were brainstorming through the question.

"Oh come on, y/n, this is the easiest question so far!'' Peter said, leaning froward, his arms crossed in front of his chest. Ever since the pen situation, he's been worse than ever before, taking every opportunity to show of how much smarter he was, followed by a cocky smirk.

"Intermittent dialysis therapy is used in chronic uremia to re-establish body water solute concentrations that cannot be achieved by the natural organ. In this sense, the dialyzer becomes an artificial kidney and it is through the transport of substances by this device that chemical and biophysical control consistent with continued survival is achieved." He explained, solving the question for you.

"She had it figured out, you could have let her be" Someone you didn't remember the name of said to him, making Peter's head turn in that direction.

"She obviously didn't, keep in mind her highest grade is my lowest" He snapped back.

You could feel the tension in the atmosphere thicken with each second, things were about to escalate very quickly. His words stung a bit and you felt something like a ball stuck in your throat after he said them. He didn't know how much work you had put in and he was incosiderate enough to just assume the worst of you. Before things managed to get any further, or worse, out of control, you slammed your thick notebook shut.

"Since Peter was kind enough to solve the last question, I think I'm going to call it a night" you said, fighting back the tears. Your voice gave you away as it wa slightly shaky, earning a few sympatheric looks.

You shoved your things in the bag as quickly as you as possible and walked out, trying to get as far away as possible. You were trying not to break down the whole walk back to your dorm, bitting your lip, brushing away some stray tears that ran down your cheeks with your sleeve. You were mentally blaming yourself for everything, for not walking fast enough, for not knowing enough, for deciding to join the study group, for even deciding on this degree to begin with. By the time you made it to your room, your phone was already blown up by text messages from Natalie, the person who originally invited you. She was a small blonde, blue-eyed beauty that was just as smart as she was pretty. You could bet on your own life that she was class president and the prom queen in high school. She was more than kind to you this whole time and her text messages suggested that she was worried about you too. With a quick click you deleted all the messages from your notification centre and threw the phone on your bed, followed by your bag. Hot tears ran down your face, breathing heavily as you were preactically sobbing at this point. You sat down on the floor, not being able to hold in the frustrstion anymore as you finally broke down, letting all of the shame, pain and anger flow out of your system through your tears.

A couple of hours had gone by, your tears were dried up on your face and neck as you lay on the floor and stared at the ceiling. Your phone kept buzzing from time to time and you finally gathered the emotional strenght to reply to the messages. Sitting on the bed, you unlocked the device and scrolled through the unred chats. The groupchat had sent the written solutions for the questions. Natalie had probably sent you 20 messages apologising and asking if you were okay. The guy who defended you had also sent you a message. His name was Brad and he looked like any normal person did. You texted him first, thanking him for standing up for you even though he did not need to do that. After him it was Natalie, who called you immediately after you hit send to reply to her first message. You picked up hesitantly, since you knew your voice was definitely going to sound like you had been crying.

"I am so sorry for everything! If I knew you and Peter were on bad terms I wouldn't have done this to you" She immediately spat out

"It's okay, I we aren't on bad terms, well... weren't"

"Have you been crying?"

"No..."

"I'm really sorry! I spoke to him after the whole thing, he's usually nothing like this! He himself couldn't explain why he acted like this"

"Nat, I really, really don't care"

"He said he wanted to make it up to you! He asked me himself for your number and your dorm room!"

"Please tell me you didn't give him any of that information"

"Well..."

"Oh my god now he knows where I live" you whined, bringing your knees up to your chest and hugging them.

"He wanted to apologise! He looked very sincere and worried"

"Yes, all the psychopaths do, that's why they're so hard to recognize!"

"I'm sure he wouldn't just show up at your door trying to make amends, you'll be fine, plus he's a really cool dude, give him a chance to prove he's not an asshole"

"He had his chance, it was today"

After you two said your goodbyes and hung up, you deicided it was finally time to take a relaxing shower. As you walked out, you heard a knock on your door. Still wrapped in a towel, one hand holding it in place, you opened the door to a Peter Parker, leaning on the doorframe. You blinked a few times rapidly, trying to process what you were seeing.

"Why are you here?" You asked, after carefully calculating your tone and your words

"You weren't picking up your phone" he replied, trying to step a foot inside. You blocked his action with the door.

"I didn't say you could come in"

"Can I come in then?"

"No, good night Parker" With that you tried closing the door on him but he grabbed it, not letting you close it.

"Look, I'm here to apologise for what I said earlier. You don't have to forgive me"

"And I don't, go Peter"

He looked shatter at your words looking into his brown eyes, you almost felt sympathy for him, like he really did feel sorry about what he did. Despite that, you kept your composure, looking at him with all the resentmet you had for him, a sigh leaving his lips as he let go of the door. He didn't need superpowers to know he fucked up, so he left. And you on the other hand, were more devistated than before, but your ego was bruised and your self-esteem ruined. The only person, no matter how annoying, you didn't want to think less of you, thought less of you. Yes, it was good that he wanted to apologise but this was not going to undo his words and the image he obviously had. You didn't even know if the apology really was his idea or was forced on him by the others in the group. You shook you head, dismissing the thoughts as you got ready to sleep. Sleep always helped with heavy emotions and you hoped you would feel better in the morning.

A few weeks went by and you still refused to forgive Peter for what he said. In your heart, you knew he was really sorry at this point but you enjoyed his suffering as you roasted him slowly on low heat. He tried all the cliché ways, buying flowers, chocolates, stuffed animals, buying you coffee before every study date. Your neighbours were convinced that the two of you were dating and would always ask about him when you gathered in one of the rooms to eat together or drink. You denied that but they rolled their eyes and never believed. In the mean time Brad tried to get closer to you, even inviting you on a date. You accepted hesitantly, since your heart seemed to be someplace else, liking all of the effort and attention from Parker more than it should. You told Natalie about the date, the two of you had become very close, spending a lot of time together, which often resulted in Brad and Peter tagging along. To say the boys were not getting along would be an understatement. Eyes throwing daggers at each other with every glance, snarky, rude comments were exchanged back and forth. But when you told the pretty blonde about Brad, she was more than excited about it finally happening . She would go on and on about how she knew he liked you ever since the first study session you had together and how he had a very heated fight with Peter after you left. You were grateful for him and what he did, and somehow it still felt wrong to be going out with him.

The night of the date had arrived and you were almost ready, putting in your earrings as you heard a knock on your door. You took a quick look in the full lenght mirror, fixing the long black dress you were wearing. It had a long slit on the left side, exposing your leg, no sleeves and a turtle neck. You had tied your hair in a ponytail, so your light make up would be more visible in the muffled evening lights of wherever he was planning to take you. You opened the door, still not wearing your chunky leather boots but just stockings.

"I thought we were going to meet in front of the library" you said as you opened the door but to your sursprise, someone else was standing there.

"You're not going on that date" Peter said firmly, almost as a command

"You're the last person that's going to tell me what to do" You snapped back at him "Why are you here Parker?"

He walked inside, closing the door behind himself. Peter seemed slightly distressed, looking you up and down with a dark expression.

"Do you really hate me that much?" he asked, leaning his back against the door, his arms behind him as he looked down at his feet. "Or do you just want to hurt me by going out with the guy I like least? Like really? All the guys are in your feet and you decide to go out with Brad, and look as gorgeous as this."

You could hear the annoyance and sadness in his voice, a bit taken a back from all of the things he just said to you. He just loved doing that, didn't he? Saying the most obnoxious things to make you feel bad about yourself.

"Wait, what?" was all you managed to say, taking a few steps back until your butt pressed agains your desk, making you stop. Books and make up palletes were scattred on it. Peter looked up at you, smiling weakly.

"I've liked you, this whole time" he confessed, staring directly into your eyes "Please, don't go on that date"

"Make me" you said faintly, surprised by how you almost whispered it. There was no way he could have heard that. But somehow he did, taking a few rapid steps towards and wrapping an arm around your waist.

"I'll make you forget everyone else but me" he whispered in your ear.

Feeling his hot breath near your face made your heart beat faster, one of your hands resting against his upper arm, looking up into his eyes. You were having a hard time processing what was actually happening, a sudden fear it was one of his games to make fun of you. You tried pushing him away after the realization, but his grip on your waist tightened.

"I'm serious, y/n" he said "I've liked you since I saw you, and I would make everyone sit away from you so I could be near, I would ask you for a pen so I could talk to you. And I tried to show off because I wanted to impress you, I wanted you to think I'm smarter so you could ask me for help in class."

For some reason you believed him, nodding lightly to let him know that. He lifted you up with one arm, sitting you on top of the desk. You were having a hard time vocalizing what you were feeling but you didn't want him to feel awkward because of your silence. Your arms wrapped around his neck, his hand falling on your exposed leg. You looked down at where his hand was, your skin burning with desire to be touched by him more. Your eyes met his again, his filled with hopefullness and lust. He got closer, titling his head to the side and he kissed you softly and sweetly. You returned the kiss, hands cupping his face and bringing him closer to you. Peter deepened the kiss, turning it in a heated make out session as one of his hands romed around your leg, going up your dress so he could touch more of you and the other one placed on the small of your back, pulling you closer to him. You spread your legs, pulling him by the belt so he could position himself between them, your hands going to his hair and playing with his messy curls as your lips and tongues danced against each other. After what seemed like a forever of heated, hungry kisses and filty touching, you broke the kiss so you could catch your breath. You panted havily, chest rising up and down rapidly. Peter pressed his forehead against yours, both of you closing your eyes to collect yourselves.

"Should I at lest text Brad and tell him I'm not going?"

"Well, there goes my hard on"

You hit his chest lightly, both of you giggling at his stupid joke. He looked around, noticing your phone that was charging on the bed, moving away from you to grab it and hand it to you. You unlocked the phone trying to find your chat with Brad while Peter found his previous position, viciously attacking your jaw and neck with kisses. You tried your best to be concentrated and write a normal message, but made a few spelling mistakes nonetheless. Peter nibbled on your neck, which earned him a slight flinch from your side.

“Peter, please, we’re not 16, no hikeys”

He ignored your words, continuing his act the way he had planned it, kissing, licking and sucking on your soft skin while you begged him to stop. His hands were all over your body once again, touching everything that was exposed to him, one hand travelling further up your leg than before, almost landing on your ass but hesitantly stopping. You noticed his uncertainly, pressing your cheek against his so you could whisper in his ear.

“Don’t stop now, Peter” you breathed in his ear, your own hands exploring his body.

He didn’t waste a second after that, grabbing your butt in his hand and pressing his lips against yours. Your hands moved under his shirt, touching his toned stomach. Your were quite shocked to what your fingertips were pressed up against, not expecting him to be as muscular as he actually was. You knew he worked out because you had seen his toned arms in a t-shirt too many times for your own good, but you were definitely not expecting that. Hands quickly slipped him out of his jacket, reaching to pull up his shirt in the heat of the moment but he stopped you, moving slightly away. Your lipstick was smudged all over his mouth and it made you giggle.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He asked you, his hands finding their way back to your waist. You nodded, undeniably longing for him and his touch, his presence.

“Good, because if we keep this up any longer, I probably won’t be able to hold back” Peter muttered, removing his shirt and tossing it on the floor before he pulled you in again, kissing you.

You took that as a signal that you had to get undressed as well, reaching for the hem of your dress pulling it up. He grabbed your hands when he noticed the act, stopping you from doing what you had planned so he could do it himself. Suddenly you felt the cold air from the room against your skin, along with Peter's warm hands, making you shiver. You undid his belt, helping him pull his pants down, breaking your kiss in the process. You laughed soflty at how he was jumping on one leg while he was trying to kick his pants off, shaking your head.

"What?" He asked

"Nothing, nothing, I'm really missing a date right now for you jumping on one leg to get out of your pants" you bursted out laughing, him joining you shortly after.

"No, it's going to get so much better, trust me" He stated, grabbing you and lifting you up, throwing you on the bed. You squeaked softly from his actions, not expecting it. Soon enough he had your hands pinned down with his, hovering over you. A soft gulp at the sight from you made him chuckle, kissing on your neck once again. He had already left a mark there, starting to suck on a second spot next it.

"Peter really! It's going to be so hard to cover them up" you whined, secretly enjoying his lips and teeth on your skin like this.

He looked at your face, smiling viciously at you.

"I just want people to know you had a good time"

"Yeah, with Brad? I was suppsed to be on a date with him" you teased him, chuckling softly. His expression changed suddenly, he seemed almost angry. His hands let go of your wrists, travelling down your skin as he reached the hem of your panties. His fingers played with the hem of them before slipping in under the thin fabric, the middle finger going between your folds. He could feel how wet you actually were, making him smirk with that cocky smile he had, looking into your eyes. You were holding back a small moan from his touch, looking at his pretty face.

"Can Brad make you this wet baby?" He asked.

You shook your head no, keeping eye contact with him. His middle finger started moving up and down tesing your clit before entering you slowly. This time you couldn't hold back and you moaned, closing your eyes. His smile remained present as he insedted a second finger inside of you, starting to move his hand teasingly slow. Your body squirming underneath him, he buried his face in the crook of your neck, rocking his hips against your leg while he fingered you. You could feel his erection through his boxers, making you even more needy than you already were.

"Parker" you moaned out softly, remembering your hands were actually free and you could move them, immediately attaching to his shoulders, which was the closest body part besides his head. He looked up at you after you called out for him, grabbing your face with his hand and kissing you.

"Peter" you moaned again against his lips, feeling his skin shiver from that. I never considered what effect you actually had on him. "Please, I want to feel you."

After you begged him, he wasted no time pulling your panties down, unressing himself as well. His arms spread your legs forcefully, positioning himself between them. You didn't really manage to follow everything he was doing because you were too eager yourself, pushing up against him in hopes to speed up the process. He pinned you down by the waist, shaking his head in disapproval at your actions. Peter didn't like it when you disobeyed him, even though it was the only thing you were good at doing. He lined himself up to you, teasing you lightly with his tip as a warning before he inserter himself inside, both of you moaning from the act. You felt something like actual electricity when he did that, making you breath heavy from the ecstacy. His hips moved rythmically, along with yours. He was still holding you by the waist, standing on his knees while he fucked into you. You moved your leg up on his shoulder, making him smile and kiss it, one of his hands running up and down it while both of you looked into echother's eyes. You enjoyed the view, so much, his naked toned body, his messy hair, that gorgeous face, your leg on his shoulder while he moved. It was hypnotysing, breathtaking, made your legs shake alone. He could feel you tighthen up around him, making him laugh softly.

"So soon?" he asked, noticing how you started squrming more than in the beginning, legs shaking from time to time, moans becoming more freaquent

"Peter, I'm really close" you managed to say, hands gripping on the sheets around you. His grip on your waist taightened as he went faster and deeper, making you whines more prominent than before. You walls started clenching around him, feeling yourself already starting to cum on him. He placed a hand on your lower stomach, applying slight pressure on it which really sent you over the edge, whole body shaking, heavy breathing and moaning uncontrolablly. He had to hold you down while you came, leaning forward and pecking your lips after you calmed down.

"I need a moment too" he whispered against your lips "Can you handle it for me?"

You nodded, letting him continue rocking his hips into you. You were covered in sweat and so was he, bodies pressed against eachother as he moaned softly in your ear, your legs wrapped around his waist to stop the shaking from the overstimulation.

"Peter" you mumbled against his ear ''I think you're really hot... like, way hotter than I expected''

"Fuck" he replied, pulling out of you and stroking his lenght a few times before he came on your stomach, both of you panting. He lay down next to you for a second, kissing your forehead and hugging you.

"You did so well" he praised you, starting to leave small butterfly kisses all over your face. You laughed softly, cuddling into him.

"We should go take a shower"

"Are you suggesting a second round in your shower?"

"No! Well... maybe, okay, yes"

He laughed at your reply, shaking his head.

980 notes · View notes

my-my-my · 7 months

Note

Could you talk about Aizen"s relationship with Shinji? What he thinks about him? etc

Sure! This ask gave me an itch to reread TBTP because (much to my dismay), I wish we saw Aizen and Shinji interact during TYBW. I hope we see some added content in the anime, but I'm not holding my breath lol.

This is going to be more of a ramble/word dump so I apologize if it's not cohesive!

TW: none!

I'm of the opinion that if there was anyone Aizen wanted to understand him (outside of Urahara), it would have been Shinji. I specifically think about this panel and how interesting it is that Kubo gave Aizen a sad look in his eyes. We don't really see sadness in Aizen, there's only one other scene where I vaguely recall him looking more sad/disappointed (vs him being bored/disappointed).

(This is from Ch -316/TBTP 10)

We know from Shinji's side, he was always wary and somewhat cautious around Aizen. He never trusted him fully and kept him at arms length for everything. On one hand, this leads him to his downfall, but I also read it as Shinji having an immediate gut reaction to not trust Aizen and Shinji could never shake that off. He can be professional with Aizen, but he mentally cannot handle anything beyond that. Something about Aizen felt so fundamentally off to Shinji that he could not get close to him.

So I wonder if this bothered Aizen as well... Aizen is someone who meticulously crafted his persona. He was known to be kind, hardworking and diligent, but something about this persona immediately gave a warning to Shinji.

But I'm not gonna defend Aizen and say he crafted the "perfect" persona - because even he (in a roundabout way) admits he didn't. Even subconscious traits of the "real" Aizen comes through with every interaction Aizen and Shinji would have had with each other, but because of the wall Shinji mentally puts between the two of them, he cannot discern these traits. So while this adds to Aizen's "loneliness complex", it gives him leeway to add in stand-ins with Kyoka Suigetsu. And that's what disappoints Aizen at his core - even his own Captain can't recognize the little things about him.

And this leads me to think that Aizen and Shinji were Lieutenant and Captain for a few centuries at least. We know that at Nanao's graduation from the academy, Aizen was already the Lieutenant of Squad 5:

(Ch. 652/The Theatre Suicide Scene 6)

So yes, Shinji may have had time to "understand" Aizen - but he doesn't. Even at the start of TBTP, Aizen asks Shinji what he's listening to and while Aizen doesn't understand jazz, instead of trying to get to "know" Aizen (even frivously), by asking him "what music do you even listen to then?" he tells him "why did you ask me that then?"

Another thing I noticed is that Aizen (during TBTP) asks a surprising amount of questions (it can be argued though that these are the hypnotized stand-ins asking). He's trying to gain as much knowledge as he can from other people, and Shinji isn't there to answer, or even acknowledge that he's asking questions. It's also "normal" for Aizen to be seen at the library, as Shunsui and the C46 didn't bat an eye at Aizen's alibi. While fundamentally Captain/Lieutenant relationships can really be any sort of dynamic (mentor/mentee, boss and personal assistant), I got the sense that Aizen didn't really "learn" much from Shinji about the ways of Soul Society. Shinji had a tight lip and only shared what needed to be shared likely for work-reasons.

And then there's their shikais! I found it fascinating how both of them have reality-altering shikais. Shinji's shikai being a complete distortion of senses, while Aizen's is subtle manipulation of senses. I don't really have any more to say for that, but I've interpreted this as their way of being honest with people. Shinji's manipulation of senses is very cognizant and deliberate - Shinji is blunt. Aizen's is subtle but traumatizing - you can't trust anything coming from Aizen.

I think though, Shinji's experience with Aizen shaped how he treats his Squad going forward. I have a soft spot for headcanons for how Squad 5 operates post-Aizen's incarceration. Shinji treats Momo much differently than he did with Aizen because he knows what it's like being used and completely victimized by Aizen. There's no point in him being on his guard against someone who was hurt just as badly as he was by Aizen's hand. There is a sense of camaraderie they share in that sense. No one (arguably) "knew" Aizen as much as they did because they worked with him in such close capacity. I'd love to know what lies and truths Aizen shared with them lol.

Sorry again for this ramble, but thank you for this ask! Wish we see/have more Squad 5 content, but alas!

#bleach #aizen sousuke #shinji hirako #aizen sosuke #sosuke aizen #hirako shinji #bleach headcanons #answered #shinji #aizen

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ququb444hm · 6 months

Text

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭, 𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝

part 31 / old man ☆

masterlist

important note!! there is the implication of a panic attack in this part so if that makes u uncomfortable, please do not continue reading! i am sorry in advance if i offend anyone by the way i write out the panic attack. i have not experienced one before and am basing the information solely on research i have done beforehand as well as the experiences of my friends. and for anyone who has experienced a panic attack, U R ONE OF THE STRONGEST PEOPLE EVER!

“geez, the school needs to start providing free umbrellas or something!” coach ukai exclaimed. he stared at his two players and team manager– tetsu, kozume, and yn were all dripping wet and shivering from the intense weather. “we’re ending practice a bit early so just grab a towel and dry yourselves up a bit or go take a quick shower in the locker room so you at least don’t catch a cold before the game next week.”

“yes, coach.” the three nodded, quickly making their way to the showers.

“yn!” mori called out, running up to his friend with a hoodie in hand. “change into this after so you’re not cold.”

yn eyed the material, smirking once she realized who it belonged to. “did rinnie give this to you?” she mused, “ohoho, so are you guys talking or what?”

“oh shut up, go take a shower. you smell like wet dog.” mori grumbled, shoving the hoodie into yn’s arms. yn giggled, thanking mori before heading into the girls locker room.

(note: guys.. i don’t actually ship mori n rin LOL js a disclaimer bc ik (or im pretty sure) they like haven’t met in the actual series…? they’re more of a sub-plot like cece n tetsu bc i love side character lore! anyways back to the storyyy)

once yn was done freshening up, she joined coach ukai and mr. takeda on the bleachers to talk about the game. "the team is looking good," coach examined. he watched as the players went up against each other in a quick match. "i just don't know what to do about kozume and keiji." he rubbed the back of his neck, deep in thought as he analyzed the papers yn gave him last practice.

"what do you mean?" yn asked. she didn't recall writing anything weird about the two.

coach ukai shrugged. "maybe it's because i've known these kids since they were freshmen, but something just feels off between the two. i compared your notes from the beginning of the semester to last week, and there's a slight decline in their abilities."

yn furrowed her brows, taking the papers from coach ukai to see the difference herself. "a decline?" her eyes scanned the data and much to her surprise, he was right. kozume's agility went down by 2.5% and keiji's been struggling to successfully set the ball up for kou which puts the team at a big disadvantage since kou is normally always on the court and has the most trust in keiji to send him the ball.

(note again: idk what i js pulled out of my ass w this one >o< i don’t play volley but wtvr! :3)

"speaking of kozume and keiji, where are they?" mr. takeda piped up. tetsurou finished showering at the same time as yn and was currently talking to a few members, assumingly giving them tips for next week, but kozume was still nowhere to be seen. there couldn’t have been only one working shower right?

"bokuto!" coach ukai called out, "where's your setter?"

"uhh-" kou looked around, "not on the court, coach!"

keishin groaned. "well, obviously.."

"keiji is in the locker room, pretty sure.” kei answered instead. he heard the setter excuse himself to grab something in the locker room, but what would he need in there when they usually dropped their things off on the bleachers? the middle blocker shrugged it off, not caring too much about his upperclassman.

“uhm i think kozume is also still in there.” shoyou added. his eyes met yn’s, both of them starting to feel a bit uneasy after talking about the two last night. “do you want me to go grab them?” keishin sighed, motioning for shoyou to retrieve the two missing players.

as shoyou neared the red-painted metal doors, his ears picked up keiji’s voice. he sounded annoyed. really annoyed. “you can’t be seriously telling me you won’t leave yn alone, right? right? kozume c’mon,” keiji laughed in mockery, his voice was getting a bit louder, but not loud enough to reach the ears of the other people on the other side of the gym. “you’re just going to keep hurting her. she doesn’t deserve that. you don’t deserve her.”

“like you have any place to talk,” kozume barked back. though not as aggravated as keiji, kozume was firm with his words. “you made yn feel unimportant the whole time the two of you were in a relationship. you were the one who had an interest in her first, yet you barely took the time to show any effort. you couldn’t even go to one of the most important events in her life! she worked so hard, she always does, for the annual art exhibition, but you forgot about it.”

“i had an important meeting that day-” keiji tried to reason.

kozume only scoffed. “oh please.”

“okay. fine.” shoyou could hear heavy footsteps. keiji was corning kozume into the lockers. he pressed an accusing finger against his chest. “missing the art exhibition was a dick move, but am i the one who’s going for their friend’s ex? am i the one who would publicly reject yn, yet give her mixed signals behind closed doors, continuously confusing her and manipulating her feelings? am i the one who can’t make up his mind, slowly declining yn’s mental and emotional well-being? no, kozume, i’m not. you are. know your place. yn doesn’t need you.”

it was quiet for a few seconds before shoyou could hear keiji’s footsteps walking toward the door he was pressing his ear against. in a quick panic, the ginger hid behind a nearby scoreboard until he saw keiji far enough to where he wouldn’t see the worried sophomore slip into the locker room.

“kozume!” shoyou cried out. the blond was in a fetal position on the floor against the lockers. he rocked back and forth, the frantic movement almost causing him to hit his head against the hard metal. his breathing was short and unstable, almost like he was choking. it was even more difficult to breathe due to his strained cries. the state of his close friend made shoyou sick to his stomach, his body trembled, not knowing what to do. “what- whats happening?!” he tried to prevent kozume from accidentally injuring himself, but once his hand made contact with kozume’s shoulder, the blond slapped his hand away.

“don’t touch me!” he cried out. his eyes grew in panic, everything around him was overwhelming him past his limit.

shoyou fell back at the sudden impact, “kozume-”

“i’m sorry,” kozume dug his head back into his arms. “i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry-” he repeated the same words over and over again, each apology more desperate than the last. ‘i hit shoyou? why did i hit shoyou?’ “i didn’t mean it- i didn’t i-” his voice was restless, saying the same thing over and over as his mind grew louder by the second. ‘i hurt shoyou. i hurt yn. i can’t stop. i don’t know what to do. i can’t stop. it hurts. everything hurts. i hurt yn. my heart wont shut up. it’s so loud. everything is so loud. please shut up. please shut up. shut up. shut up. shut up-’

“kozume i don’t know what to do!” shoyou sobbed. the situation was getting to much for him, he needed to call someone for help. “i’m going to get yn, she’ll know what to do-”

“SHUT UP.” shoyou stopped in his tracks, body cold at the sudden yell. kozume’s head jerked up at his own words, disbelief written across his face. was he the one who yelled that? “please don’t get yn. please- shoyou please.” he was tirelessly begging. tears constructing his vision enough to not even know if shoyou was opening the door or not. “please. please don’t call yn. i don’t- she can’t know. please. i’m sorry i yelled. i’m sorry- just. just- don’t move.”

shoyou slowly removed his hand from the door handle. his movements were slow, scared that he might suddenly alarm kozume again. he squeezed his eyes shut, breathing long and slow to calm his nerves so that he could at least provide some sort of ease to kozume. “okay…” he whispered, slowly opening his eyes. shoyou bent down to kozume’s level, leaving a foot of space between them as he tried to calm the blond’s nerves as he just did his own. “it’s okay koz. it’s okay.” continuing the breathing exercise he was previously doing, shoyou used his hands to motion each inhale, each hold of breath, and each exhale.

“i’m sorry.” kozume murmured, unable to meet shoyou’s gaze. he was slowly regaining stable breathing, the pain in his chest diminishing.

“don’t apologize!” shoyou scolded. “i’m the one who should say sorry, kozume.” the ginger choked back his tears, refraining from overwhelming his friend. “i didn’t know what to do and i couldn’t help you..”

kozume shook his head, “you did help, sho. thank you.” a small smile graced his features, reassuring his friend.

the two sat in silence for a few minutes until shoyou decided to let his curiosity flow free. “kozume, can i ask you something?” the blonde nodded. “what's happening between you and keiji? and why can’t yn know about this? why are you hiding it from her?”

kozume let out a weak laugh. “that’s more than just a something.”

“sorry, i just don’t get it!” shoyou whined. “yn likes you, a lot, and i thought you really like yn too. so why are u letting keiji get in the way and talk you down like that? why are you so afraid of letting yourself be happy?”

the familiar question rang through kozume’s mind. a previous conversation from tetsurou suddenly resurfacing.

“are you afraid of letting yourself be happy or something? look, i’m not saying you should’ve prevented keiji from asking yn out, but you’ve liked my sister since what? the second grade? and you just let some new guy sweep her off her feet? that’s just crazy, man! i know for a fact that he could never have the same connection you and her have, trust me, i’m like psychic or something. i know you’re the better person–- the only person, actually, for yn.”

“it’s not that…” kozume groaned. “i’m afraid that…if yn and i do become something more than what we are now, i’ll disappoint her more than i already do. what if, once we start dating, she realizes she doesn’t actually like me?”

shoyou frowned. keiji’s words were dug deep into kozume’s heart. nothing he could say, no amount of reassurance could ever directly change kozume’s mindset. it needed to come from her–

knock. knock. knock.

“sho? kozume? are you guys okay? i- uhm we’re getting worried…you two have been in there for a long time, is everything okay?”

there she was. the only person who could dissolve all of keiji’s cruel words from kozume’s distraught soul.

“sorry, we’ll be out in a sec, nn!” shoyou called out. he reached a hand out for kozume to take. “are you okay to go outside?”

the blonde took a deep breath. “we have a game next week, don’t we?” he placed his hand on shoyou’s, pulling himself up.

the two opened the door to reveal yn’s big doe eyes brimming with concern. “what happened? did you lose your towel? was the water too cold?” she enveloped kozume’s hands into her own, feeling the difference in temperature. “if you didn’t have any warm water, you should’ve told us! taking a cold shower after being soaked in the rain isn’t good for you!”

“hey!” coach ukai irked, already frustrated that kozume would only have less than an hour to practice. “stop feeling the boy up and let him get his ass to work!”

yn’s eye twitched at the suggestive assumption. she quipped her head at keishin and flipped him off. “shut up, old man!”

part 30 sassy man apocalypse <- | masterlist | -> part 32 nipples in a twist

note(s): hnnghghghgrfijwfmgh next part is a text msg part

✩⡱ taglist !! + @writing-for-the-hell-of-it @sherryuki-callmeyuki @anny-bah @ast4rg1rl @sukunasrealgf @dani-shitting-around @whokillednyx @vernon-dursley @limaswife @sugawara-levi @sixxze @ryoiii @literally-a-ferret @444sunarin @llearlert @lloyd4x @usermins @2baddies-1porsche @vernon-dursley @lyzisbitchingagain @h3xi2g0n3 @l0v3do11 lmk if u want to be added (msg or inbox)ヾ(･ω･`；)ﾉ

#🐈.thanksalotcupid #kozume kenma #kenma kozume #kozume kenma x reader #kozume kenma x fem!reader #kenma kozume x reader #kenma kozume x fem!reader #kenma x reader #kozume x reader #smau #kenma smau #haikyuu #haikyuu smau #haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! smau

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allamericansbitch · 6 months

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so i think i finally figured out what exactly put me off taylor, and it wasn't the politics (or lack of it) or generally how she's been since midnights released. i think it's the basic fact that she's stopped being/feeling like she is a musician. like i know she's doing the tour, obviously, but nothing about her including the tour has felt like it's about her work.

for instance i see artists of her generation and even newer ones do your staple few things after they've released new music: you do SNL maybe, maybe a tiny desk concert, maybe BBC live radio, maybe some smaller/closed door live gigs and live performance videos on your YouTube, maybe you speak with Genius or Apple Music like Hozier did about your process. just tiny things that speak about your music and what is after all your day job.

instead what i recall and what i've seen taylor do since midnights came out (or arguably since the red re-recording came out) is simply her go to jimmy fallon or whatever and basically rehash the same lines about the album, or release a hundred combinations and versions of the same thing for people to buy. and this isn't even half the reason why we see her face plastered everywhere: a bulk of it is pap walks, tabloid-y speculation which generally makes me go what even are you now

and i just feel like this is such a wasted opportunity to do more with her music. the last bit of creativity in this sense that i can think of is the folklore long pond studio sessions: they gave her a chance to talk about making the album, and they also added a different texture to the songs themselves.

wow this is actually such a good observation. she really doesnt promote her music anymore, but she does promote her personal life. (and i know shes on tour, but she has the week off in between, she can do an interview over the phone during lunch one of those days off you know) the TIME interview was the perfect example, i would have loved to know what the re-recording process was like from the beginning, if it changes with each album, what she approaches first, how tour affects the re-recordings, etc... but instead we got a good chunk of her and her current partner. i would have loved to see it focus in on her as an artists rather than her personal life.

and if we take the only artist i can think of that doesnt really do promo but is currently releasing music, that's beyonce (not comparing them as artist dont worry), but beyonce is so different from taylor. they both are selling entirely different things. taylor sells relatability, writes about human emotion for the everyday person. she built a good percentage of her career off of relating to people and building a community of people feeling like they personally can relate to her and she can relate to them. beyonce doesnt offer any of that, she sells the fantasy, an escape. her releasing an album and never really promoting it makes sense, her art doesnt thrive off of relatability and feeling like the everyday person. taylors does.

nothing about taylor is about the music anymore. and when it is, it's 'fans' asking for more of it, then getting it, then wanting more. and when we get it- the longest, most intense discussions are about the person they're supposedly about and people creating an entire story surrounding it... not once admiring the song itself and her work. and thats probably why it feels so exhausting, every conversation is stale and tasteless if you're someone who doesnt care about her personal life. it's just the same gossip over and over again and a lot of its been being discussed for over a decade.

#answered #anonymous

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rxttenfish · 11 days

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Asking because I’m extremely curious about this, how did MonProm’s writing get different over time? I remember you saying that the lore and characters feel different, and that it's missing sincere character interactions, too. I know almost nothing about the lore and I’ve only seen a few people mention the characters, so I’d be interested in a rundown of what aspects you think got worse in the series

I wouldn’t mind a very long response since I’m not that active in the fandom, I need to catch up on what happened

sorry for taking so long to answer this! i kinda waffled on it for a long bit, mainly because i started doubting myself again, and whether or not this was me simply overreacting or being tinted by nostalgia or simply being extremely picky and choosy in what i like (the last of which is true, i seldom get into fandoms at all for this reason and stay away from most popular media, but i wasn't sure if it applied here). i've posted about it already, but i'm in the middle of a psychotic episode where i can't feel a lot of pleasure to begin with + most things i do experience ending up solidly in the "very bad" category, so as you can imagine, i really didn't want to mislead and check that i was actually in objective reality.

as it is, this is also when a lot more screenshots started to be posted in the monster prom tag, and that helped me bridge the gap back into returning to the games themselves and feel like i was making a more accurate judgement. if you're one of those people who have been posting screenshots, i sincerely thank you, and i appreciated seeing you in the tag greatly.

for those not in the know — i've been in the monster prom fandom since it first released, prior to even the first additional ending to be added (the "Punch the sun" ending, and i recall the minor fandom drama that happened at that time due to it). my impression of monster prom is very much influenced by this, as what got me into the first game was the fact that the characters genuinely seemed to care for each other and were friends with each other (not merely tolerating each other's presences nor dressing it up, they sincerely thought of each other as friends and were open about that fact), on top of the wide variety of small details and statements that, if taken at face value, could create compounding complexity in the lives of each and every character and had wider implications for their lives.

no, they were not necessarily explored nor even necessarily "real", with so many conflicting events and statements, but i liked this too, because it meant a wider flexibility in what you could imagine, helping to create a more tailored experience for everyone who thought about these characters. this was what i liked about the early fandom too. what was baseline "canon" was so vague and minimal that you could have wildly different interpretations of the same characters' histories and relationships with each other. you would have radically different perspectives on what the world itself looked like, what it was like, that there wasn't really any wrong answers so long as their personalities remained the same. this is where you got the old headcanon of polly and liam being childhood friends who knew each other as humans, or that the world of monster prom was post-apocalypse where humanity itself had gone extinct or only existed in tiny pockets, or my personal headcanon that both monster and human society existed right next to each other and had minimal crossover for petty cultural reasons. this was also prior zoe-as-ro, and there were wildly different interpretations of zoe's personality, with most going for a far more disquieting creepy-cute than the deep nerd we got.

this is why you get stuff like the timeloop theory, where everyone is repeating the same weeks leading up to prom over and over, and are perhaps vaguely aware of it but broadly unconcerned. this is also why it felt like the joke that, the characters were still in high school but were all fully legal adults with most in their 20's, best landed, because it was absurd and strange and didn't quite make sense, but the world itself was inherently absurd and semi-malleable to begin with. realistically, i felt like everyone understood it was making fun of the trope of having adults play teenagers in american sitcoms and wildly casting outside the age range, but for more in-universe explanations it wasn't any different from the way that you would have a large, dramatic ending in which everything changed, but then you'd restart and everyone would be right back at the beginning with nothing different, or even having conflicting events in the same run. it was a dream-logic that fit with the tropes and, thus, diagetically made sense.

to be clear, i don't mind canon having a set, well, canon on which it refers back to itself. i don't mind expanding that or including more things which are set in stone. but there was a perceivable shift in how the games handled this over time, becoming a lot more... bitter, it felt, towards all of these different branching ideas and concepts that, yeah, the people making them knew wouldn't necessarily be "canon" because "canon" already liked to contradict itself so much. most people weren't even sold on any one idea, and there was a much greater sense of enjoying and appreciating all the varying ideas people would come up with even if you personally didn't share them. making the characters be out of character was the real crime, because then it didn't diagetically make sense in the same way, didn't wholly fit.

(again, this is not to say fanon didn't happen and characters weren't smoothed down into a simplified personality that fit these varying fan-interpretations instead of the game itself. certainly damien love/lust was just as bad as it had ever been, and everyone loved to mangle his character into a more stereotypical "bad boy with a heart of hold" all the time. but it certainly felt less set-in-stone about it than it does now, with any deviation from the norm being considered strange and odd and even broadly shunned from the wider fandom.)

all of this is setup for establishing what the writing, lore, and characters felt like in the earlier days. the characters were the strongest part, with their relationships to each other being equally as important. the lore played it fast and loose and was far less interested in setting anything in concrete because that wasn't the important part. the lore wasn't the important part, which was what made it all the more intoxicating to think about, all the more fun to play with.

montrip is easily the biggest offender when it comes to setting everything in all-or-nothing terms and demanding absolutism from the world. broadly i blame the hitchhiker conversations for the worst of it, but i think ultimately the way they handled the entire premise of the game is where this problem stems from. it's not really an exploration in the same sense that you might explore the first game, discovering different perspectives and different people with different relationships to each other. it's an exploration in the sense of a sequel that over-explains the monster, that takes the most boring option out of all those that were possible and floating around and settles on something that was blatant, obvious, typically rejected not because of how novel it is but how trite and par for the course it is in the rest of the genre.

yeah, okay. humans know nothing about monsters and there's a "monster dimension" that exists separately from the human dimension. there's no crossover between the two of them. of course there's a big grand-scale fight between the eldritch powers that zoe used to be a part of, from which not only are slayers the main organization against them, but also the merkingdom has some horse in this race too. it's an urge to make things so universal in explaining them, in revealing connecting threads which unite everything that's ever happened in here, that makes the worldbuilding and lore immediately much more boring than it ever was before.

and it didn't have to be this way! nothing in the first game contradicts any of this too explicitly (see the above, the first game loves to contradict itself), and i would even be happy if this was basically canon but never stated or confirmed to be the big overarching everything going on underneath it all. i believe you should probably know these things about any world that you create and have them in the back of your mind. the difference is that you can know these things and keep them in mind, even focusing on things where its very relevant, and still not reveal them. this is why you have lore bibles, after all. every horror writer knows exactly how their monster works and the full underlying reason for everything that happens, but that doesn't mean the audience will see it or possess this same information too, and leaving it intentionally obscure will make far better stories.

which, this is bad enough, but it wouldn't be the breaking point for me if this was all there was.

but the worst thing of all has to be the slow decay of the very same characters that sold me on this world, this lore, this game in the first place. monster prom is nothing without the characters in it. it's a dating sim, it has nothing but characters to get you to play, and liking these characters are the entire reason anyone would pick up monster prom in the first place.

and the first game pulls this off extremely well. it's all in the tagline: be your worst self. they are, indeed, all terrible people. yes, even that character that you just thought of right now. they all have points in the game where they commit atrocities, where they kill or hurt people, where they do inexcusable things that could not be ignored in a more serious setting.

but that's the point. i think there's something very powerful in creating a character who not only do you love and love their personality and the way they interact with the world, but who also are inapologetically terrible, and to have the humor and the charisma be so good that you don't get bogged down in the "this is awful". likewise, it never feels the urge to really go out of its way to justify what's going on. this is not to say theres no discussion of if someone "deserved it", but usually there's still the sense that the joke is on them, that this is still an extreme reaction specifically for comedy and not necessarily something that can be justified. you can have damien set leonard on fire and have it feel earned, without prompting the needed reaction of what it's actually like to watch someone burn to death.

this is what sets the prank masterz ending apart from the rest of the game, and really establishes it as the first real "bad ending". because nothing that you do or happens in the prank masterz ending is any different from anything else that happens in any other run. you summon evil beings from other dimensions as a throwaway gag on how visiting one location raises your stats. you kill other people and damn them to terrible fates. you watch as body horror happens. the only difference is that, in the prank masterz ending, the laugh track doesn't play.

the rest of the game and the writing echoes this philosophy, this careful interplay of tropes that keeps everything tongue in cheek and yet sincere enough to make sure emotional beats still land when they're needed. the characters feel true to themselves and their own emotions, even when the world is extreme and excessive, when everything else runs on comedy logic.

this is also what i noticed failing first as time went on.

like i said, fanon has always existed and there's always been very specific ideas as to what characters are like in the same way fanon always flattens down characters into the same tropes over and over. scott is stupid and innocent and doesn't know what sex is. damien is violent and hot and too cool for anyone else. miranda is the idiot girl character. repeat over and over and over until you get sick of it.

but it's been an issue as time has crept on that canon has started to approach fanon and began to merge with it. now, scott is so innocent that he can't even curse. polly starts being mean to her friends and saying things that would be very hurtful to hear. the merkingdom isn't really super evil and fucked up, it's just miranda that's like that. they become simpler, easier to digest, streamlined for social media posts and mass-sharing. they become less and less subversions of existing tropes and moreso just another example of them, something else to add to the collection, not their own individual stories.

even further from this, what more complex traits they had are now stated and not shown. polly is stated to be smart and clever in a way that her party girl persona doesn't imply and to be sincerely rather down to earth with the people she cares about, but we seldom ever see this anymore unless its the game specifically trying to make a point about it, in which case it won't let her do anything that implies cleverness and moreso will just outline it in the narration. vera is stated to care for people in a very genuine and heartfelt way, but seldom will get a chance to do so, and every opportunity for her to do so to their faces is missed while she will just outright state it later. it does not feel consistent, it does not feel like any of these are intended reads of their actions. it feels like the devs have something they want to do but no idea on how to actually do so. and forget it if you want these traits to manifest in small ways that show up in unrelated moments and scenes.

the dialogue becomes harder and harder to tell between each speaker, if you are just looking at what's said and not at the pictures attached to it. the characters' distinct voices have been eroded away, so that they speak more and more like each other, relaying the same terms and ideas in the same words. perspective becomes a suggestion, instead of a must.

this is something that started back in monster camp too, as all of the endings in that game felt ultimately the same as every other ending. it's very hard to place or define the full reason why, why there feels like there's no emotional stakes nor investment, why everything feels moreso like selecting different coats of paint and trying to find all the different ending pictures rather than being interested in exploring the characters as characters.

stranger yet, the series that started with the tagline of "be your worst self" has experienced a kind of... softening, for lack of a better word? what i mentioned about being able to handle the balance between terrible people who do terrible things and the light tone of the game starts to change, as abruptly the same characters who were down with violent murder in the first game start to lose their nerve, acting more and more on more typical morality. it's one of those things that feels like it's starting to damage the tone, as abruptly it's not as absurd as it used to be, demands less suspension of disbelief which could buffer and support the rest of the setting on it. there's even a part in one of the endings in montrip which involves current-polly and current-scott looking back on their monprom selves and reacting in horror at how violent and careless their pranks are, in a way that fundamentally felt like it was undercutting and disparaging all the things that felt fun and made monprom what it was.

which is odd, really, because more and more i feel like the characters in these games like each other less and less. the friendships and genuine enjoyment of each others company that brought me to this game in the first place has gone. now they don't mention each other as much, don't care for each other's feelings and reactions as much, aren't as willing to support each other. they are more and more found on their own, relied on their own, seem to seek out contact and interaction with their own friends less and less. it feels like they're all separating out into their own worlds, but also feels like they wouldn't willingly want to interact with each other if they weren't already forced together by some other outside contrivance.

if anything, i'd compare it to every other dating sim out there, where you, the player, are the most important person in these characters' lives, and they only feel ambivalent or antagonistic towards every other character. which, again, is not why i picked up monster prom or why i liked it so much in the first place.

and it's because of this that it feels like the current state of the series has to focus on its increasingly weak worldbuilding and lore, trying to form a more serious foundation without character relationships being so tightly bound together, without the characters themselves being more developed and rich, without an aspect of absurd humor to rely on.

more and more i've noticed monprom has to rely on referencing other series to make itself funny and create humor, which, again, it's always done. it was just easier to ignore back then, if you didn't know what was being referenced, because there was always more going on in the exact same scene to bolster it and give context clues as to the setup and punchline at play. it feels like the current games are much more dependent on you knowing pop culture references in order to have any fun with it, and i'm someone who, again, is very picky in what i like or what i'll seek out. i'm not interested in a stream of references about other things that i would much rather be doing than playing through a game that feels like it hates that i like it at all, when i could, again, just be engaging with the thing that takes itself seriously and knows what it wants.

#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#monster prom #asks #vanillabeenflower #this is. so long i am so sorry.#and its still not my entire thoughts because i have so many thoughts #this is an unedited ramble tbh and im very sorry for that #i have more complaints like #how fucking snide and condescending the narration is to its own characters #which it already had but gets even worse in the later games #which is why despite loving aaravi i dont want to play moncamp at all #where a character says they like something or feel something and the narration has to be so. sarcastic about it?#like how i mentioned about how it feels like how its looking down on them as people #instead of whats probably the intended read which is #more jokingly calling them dumb in an affectionate way like how you might do with friends #and ofc theres the whole miranda rant #i hate what theyve done with the merkingdom and i HATE adrien as a concept i wont lie #just. cool. this female character is too stupid to count as a lore character. we obviously need a MALE character to fill in instead #we cant just have miranda talk about this or center any of the other female characters #and how they feel about this and whats going on for them #no we need to make up a new man to talk to instead #im. im still really bitter about it i wont lie.#like i said i could go on and get way more specific about it #i just feel like any and all emotional weight to this has died and the characters are more and more obviously actors on a stage #for your own self gratification rather than their own people living their own lives #this is so bitter and i really shouldnt put this in the main tag #i am so sorry everyone who will see my rant. but my peace must be made.#dont worry im already asking myself if im just making all this shit up myself #what if some of us liked that the characters were so mean to the player and had no qualms about aggressively rejecting us #because it gave some illusion of them being able to make their own choices and decisions in what they wanted

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copperbadge · 1 year

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Hi Sam, how did you come to the conclusion you should be tested for neurodivergence? I've been reading a lot of Temple Grandin (Visual Thinking is fantastic) and see so much of myself in her books. But, I, too, am, let's just say well into adulthood, and I don't know if my life would change that much with a diagnosis. The only thing I can think of doing with a diagnosis is telling my siblings and childhood bullies that they picked on someone who had a reason for being "weird." But it doesn't change anything. Beyond the medication, did you find any solace? Thank you for sharing your journey.

I was just thinking I should do a post about this....

I don't recall the specifics and have never been able to find the post again, but sometime prior to 2019 I made a joke about having a short attention span, and someone said something like "Oh, did you finally get a diagnosis?" and I said haha no, I don't have ADHD, and a bunch of readers went, "Uh, you very clearly do." Some of them added that they thought I knew and was just being discreet about it. (As if I have ever been discreet about anything in my life.)

So I figured, okay, probably there's some level of neurodivergence there, given that my mother and siblings all have various diagnoses, and my father was clearly autistic. (Knowing what we know now about how ADHD can mask as other mental illnesses, there's a strong chance this comes from my maternal grandmother, who was the person in the family I was most like when she was alive.) I tried a couple of times to get evaluated and always had either slow or nonexistent responses from the clinics I reached out to, so I stopped trying. I had a ton of coping mechanisms in place and was in a good spot in my life, so I thought honestly, what would it change?

But by the end of 2021, while I was still in a pretty good financial place, and my career was doing well, I could tell that if things kept up as they were I was going to tank my job purely through being unable to get through a day doing productive work the way I used to.

I thought, well, if this is ADHD and it's getting worse because the whole fucking world is on fire, I have two options: I can assume I have it and just do the reading and figure shit out on my own, or I can get evaluated, get professional advice, and possibly get medicated. That seemed like the best return on investment, so that's what I worked on. My goal was primarily medication, because I didn't see myself being able to change much else about my situation on my own. And, truthfully, medication has been the biggest change -- I actually have an essay about that queued for the anniversary of my starting Adderall. But while it hasn't been a massive life-altering world-shattering change, all of this was worth it purely for the medication.

Uh, momentary sidebar in my memoir: there are downsides to having a diagnosed disability -- discrimination, legal barriers to certain things like holding government jobs or adopting, etc. Those have to be weighed when you're considering evaluation. If you think you may have autism, there's not necessarily an advantage to having a formal diagnosis unless you need accommodations; if you think you may have ADHD, the huge advantage is access to medication, which doesn't exist for autism as far as I'm aware. So your particular flavor of neurodivergence might dictate whether you get a diagnosis, or whether you just start operating on the assumption you have it. Both are valid, I think, it really depends on what's going on in your life and what you want to change.

Anyway, I have been doing other research, reading journal articles and pop psychology and talking to people, and that's been good, but even if I had none of that, the medication has been so helpful in getting me back on an even keel and then making life even better.

This sounds kind of weird to say but I'm not generally someone who needs a lot of solace. There is some relief in knowing that at least some of my fuckups in life weren't something I could have prevented by simply having more strength of character or working harder, and that's nice, but it's something I could have had without a formal diagnosis -- just like you could simply tell your siblings and bullies you have a diagnosis. (Being real, I doubt they'd care; bullies gonna bully whether you had a reason to be weird or not, and none of that would have been your fault regardless of your neurology. But it's all very situational, as I'm sure you know.) I wasn't badly bullied as a kid and there's nobody really to...tell, in the sense you're thinking of. But I didn't get into it for emotional solace; I got into it to fix a life that was, albeit extremely slowly, starting to fall apart. So if you're someone, as most people are, who derives emotional satisfaction or catharsis from having the diagnosis, I think it probably would be pretty helpful. But even if you aren't, like me, if you can get medication or accomodations, I think it's worth it.

#sam has adhd

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utilitycaster · 20 days

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I agree what the cast says does not hold as much weight as what happens on stream. I think this is why I get frustrated by the 'Orym is to blame for Laudna killing Bor'dor' debates, using things Liam and/or Marisha have said on 4-sided dive that contradict the actual scene, where Marisha states Laudna barely notices Orym and Ashton, and *nothing* will stop her from doing what she wants to do. At worst, it's inaction. Have interviews and things like that always held so much weight in fandom?

I am absolutely the wrong person to ask here; I was not super in fandom when I was younger. I am going to, as I am wont to do, make some educated guesses but please take with a grain of salt.

I think there's a few things going on. A lot of people have told me that Glee was the first fandom they personally recall where it became about winning more than like, having fun and sharing ideas, and I wouldn't be surprised if that is at least an influence. (The idea that two ships that do not conflict and indeed have incompatible sexualities are in some kind of deathly serious competition is truly so baffling to me that I have to chalk up that particular bit of, if I may use a yiddishism here, mishegos, to Glee for sure.)

I also think that there was a time and there are shows where interviews did (or do) carry more weight, namely, those with executive meddling, or loss of creative control, or, notably, queer ships until quite recently. I have a lot of friends in the Star Trek fandom even though I'm not knowledgeable at all and from what I am given to understand, there's been a few ships squashed or delayed by executive whim or homophobia that the actors would pretty openly and consistently confirm at conventions. (The ones I know are Riker and Troi; and Garak and Bashir; but I have only hazy recollections of TNG and know NOTHING of DS9 so this is second-hand). I've talked about this before, but Word of God used to carry more weight for me when you simply couldn't have same gender romances on network TV or most mainstream film without risking your career. Now? You're a coward and a panderer.

Anyway I think with actual play specifically, which is improvised (ie, intent can shift dramatically and unexpectedly) and which has a lot of talkback shows and also a disproportionately huge amount of content people get in the habit of cherrypicking, and in extreme cases this turns into cherrypicking themselves straight out of the actual narrative and into microexpressions and OOC interviews and side conversations from three years ago.

I also, and I am too tired and too many drinks in (two drinks in, to be clear) to articulate this tonight, find that actual play in particular has amassed a certain fandom that I think was attracted to things I like and support (queer characters, women/queer people/POC creating and driving their own characters, independent creator-owned productions, improvised and therefore at times really unique stories, not needing to have streaming services in some cases) but also doesn't actually like Actual Play as a medium (see: every single D20 fandom meltdown low-key boils down to "I have zero genre awareness of both whatever is going on narratively and also I high-key loathe D&D as a means of storytelling and particularly the existence of violence in narrative, yet I am watching the Violent Narrative D&D show, so dance or me, my puppets, wait why aren't you dancing.") So I think you get a lot of people who are just making dumb fucking arguments because they decide what they believe and then poorly reverse engineer the support instead of doing things in the proper order and I think the people claiming Orym is responsible for Bor'Dor's death are in that category and we should stop treating them as people who are adding anything of worth to the conversation.

#answered #Anonymous #cr spoilers

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vorish-wonderland · 1 year

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You're a shrimp mermaid. You're quite the coward, but you still have a small "business" where you offer to clean the mouths of other merfolk. Recently, two morays have taken interest in you. But strangely enough... you don't feel that scared of them.

Includes: soft/safe vore, semi-willing prey

★✦Symbiotic Relationship✦★

☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

The pair's sharp, serrated teeth were covered in blood. It was probably the blood of people like you.

That could be you.

Just a bloodstain on some carnivore's teeth.

That thought has always terrified you.

"Can you help us with the blood, please? You'll be paid well."

"No problem, Jade!" You happily said. "I'll get you both cleaned up quick as I can!"

"Ehehe! You're the best, Shrimpy!" Floyd smiled.

"You truly are, (Y/N)." Jade added.

These strange twins have been frequenting your business recently. You're not sure why, but they've taken a certain interest in you. They're morays, and... very terrifying. They paid you very well the first time you met, so you put aside your fear and helped then with the blood staining their mouths. Ever since that day, they've come back every time they need your help.

"So, Shrimpy-"

"No talking while I'm in your mouth."

"But-!"

"Zip it."

You used a small scrap of cloth that had fallen from the surface when cleaning. You wipe off the blood, and use your spindly little limbs and feelers to make sure you'd done a good job. You aren't sure if you do a good job, but these two keep coming back, so you have to be doing something write!

"There you go!"

"(Y/N), may I ask you something?" Jade asked as you crawled out of his brother's mouth.

"Sure, go ahead."

"If I recall correctly, you claimed to be quite cowardly, and you were scared of us when we first met, yes?" Jade tilted his head. "So why are you no longer scared of us?"

"Huh? I don't know, actually." You responded. "If I had to guess... it's probably because I've gotten to know the two of you... and I know that you would never hurt me!"

"...I'm flattered, but that is an idiotic thing to say given that we don't really know each other." Jade smiled.

"Well, I have my reasons for thinking that..."

Jade stuffed you into his mouth. A bit more forceful than you'd expected, but whatever.

"I know you would never hurt me because, well, you gain something by keeping me around. So you have no reason to hurt me." You explained. "We have a symbiotic relationship, in a way."

And then you were swallowed.

You were a bit surprised, honestly. You didn't at all expect this to happen.

But it doesn't matter, because you know you'll be safe. Like you said, these two won't just get rid of something that benefits them.

And you know you were right when you heard the pair start arguing.

"Great job Jade, now Shrimpy's gonna be scared of us!!"

"Oh dear, I didn't mean to do that..."

"That's bs and you know it! You absolutely did that on purpose!"

"They tasted too good, Floyd, I simply couldn't resist."

"Well I guess you've got a point... but you didn't have to eat them!"

It's a bit cozy in here.

"Heeeeeey, Shriiiiiimpy??? You ok in there???" Floyd asked you.

"Stop poking me, Floyd." Jade demanded.

"I'm good!" You responded. "Why did Jade do this? Did he... want me to clean in here...?"

"Huh? You mean you're not scared out of your mind right now?" Floyd asked, clearly very confused. "You... you do know that Jade just ate you, right...?"

"I know. But I know I'm not in any danger! After all, I provide you a service, and if I died, then you wouldn't have that service anymore!" You explained. "So can you, uh, let me out now, Jade? I... don't really like it in here..."

"Hmm... who knows? You tasted amazing, and not to mention I feel so nice and full with you in there~" Jade licked his lips. "You poor little shrimp... such a pity you were so delicious-"

"What, do you want them to be scared of us?!" Floyd yelled.

"Fine I'll get them out." Jade sighed. "I would've thought that you of all people would enjoy teasing (Y/N)."

"Yeah, but like... they're right. If they get too scared of us they'll probably stop helping us."

"Hm. I suppose you're right."

It feels kinda awkward to just listen to these two argue...

But hey.

At least you'll be safe.

#i almost made this one have azul be the pred since octopi eat shrimp #but then i was like 'nahh'#anyways this one was gonna be much more scary for y/n #safe vore #soft vore #twst vore #twisted wonderland vore #gt vore #jade leech #twisted wonderland x reader #v.ore #v/ore #jade leech x reader

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kazoosandfannypacks · 7 months

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chapter summary: ezra reunites with hera and chopper and meets jacen. sabine realizes she still has a home on the ghost, and it's just like old times— but with one critical difference. chapter word count: 3.1K a/n: as i wrote this chapter, i started thinking about coffee creamer in the star wars galaxy. would it be blue? like their milk? what color would it make the coffee if you put enough in it? i decided to test this theory— though i didn't have blue food coloring, i did have purple for some reason, so i just used that, and, well, let's just say i know firsthand that sabine's description of ezra's caf in this chapter is 100% accurate. and i have made terrible mistakes. taglist:@laughingphoenixleader@accidental-spice@kanerallels@piraterefrigerator@jedi-nurse@dootchster@lucasbridger@redroverrider@light-umbra@commander-tech {if you’d like to be added to or removed from my Sabezra taglist, let me know!}

also on ao3!

Chapter 3: Sha'kajir

Sabine tried to keep a straight face as the shuttle ramp lowered. She and Ezra had had plenty of time to discuss how to make an entrance upon Ezra's return to the galaxy, and she wasn't about to flub up their plan.

She stepped off the ramp as seriously as she could, watching the faces of the confused New Republic soldiers in front of her as they lowered their weapons. She was sure most of them didn't even expect her return at all, especially so soon, or in a recovered Imperial transport.

But the face she was watching most expectantly was General Syndulla's.

"Sabine?" Hera asked, motioning for the rest of the troops to stay back as she walked across the hangar to her.

"General," Sabine nodded, a smile tugging the corner of her cheeks.

Though anyone else would've seen it as a breach in protocol, the general was the closest thing Sabine had to a mother anymore, and a reunion hug was inevitable.

Hera quickly pulled away though, most likely equal parts remembering who else was watching and recalling Sabine's usual aversion to physical touch, and also because so many questions had still been left unanswered.

"Did Ahsoka make it to you okay?" Hera asked, "did she make it back? Did you find Ezra?"

"Ahsoka found me, yeah," Sabine said, "and she and Huyang made the jump back here with me."

"And Ezra?" Hera asked.

Sabine bit her lip, enjoying Hera's suspense too much to risk accidentally spilling it.

"Did you find Ezra?" Hera asked, "is he…."

"I'd say he's doing alright," a voice behind Sabine said, and she and Hera both turned to see Ezra standing in front of the shuttle ramp.

"Ezra?" Hera asked, and Sabine took a step to the side.

Ezra nodded, and before he could say anything more, he found himself in a long awaited hug from Hera.

"Welcome home," Hera said, quietly enough that the only people who could hear it were Ezra and Sabine.

"I've missed you, mom," Ezra said.

Hera laughed a little, and after another moment, pulled away.

Chopper rolled up to Ezra, beeping something about how he definitely didn't miss Ezra at all, and jokingly complaining about not giving him back his room.

"Good work, Sabine," Hera said, "I'm proud of you— both of you."

Sabine hadn't seen Hera happier since they returned from Krownest all those years ago, when the whole crew was together again for the start of the very last time. Mingled with the joyful disbelief on Hera's face was a sense of pride— though it seemed not just in her kids, but also in herself.

"It's not all good news," Sabine said, "unfortunately, Ahsoka and Ezra aren't the only ones who came back from Perida."

"You don't mean…"

Ezra nodded sadly. "Somehow, Grand Admiral Thrawn returned."

The light in Hera's eyes faded, years of conflict and turmoil rushing back at her, like everything they'd worked so hard for was beginning to crumble. She shook her head, biting her lip, then nodded, and the confidence returned.

"It's alright," Hera reaffirmed, "Thrawn's return is nothing the New Republic can't handle, and now he's lost his element of surprise. Chop, let Senator Organa know. Notify the New Republic forces immediately."

"And what are we gonna do to stop him?" Sabine asked.

"That's the New Republic Council's call," Hera said, "until then, I think Ezra's gonna have a lot of catching up to do."

"You have no idea," Ezra said, the same overwhelmed look on his face that he'd had any time Sabine tried to tell him about everything that had changed over the last decade.

"But first," Hera said, "you need some rest. You two have just traveled across galaxies. There'll be time for a family reunion after you've gotten a good night's sleep."

"Yes ma'am," Ezra teased, jokingly saluting. Hera put a hand on his shoulder and turned him around.

"You've still got a bunk on The Ghost," Hera said, leading him to the door, "as long as you don't mind sharing your room with a force-sensitive ten year old."

"Sabine told me all about the kid," Ezra said, "and it'd be an honor. Besides, if I could put up with the smell of Lasat for as long as I did…."

Sabine watched as they walked away, Chopper rolling along behind them.

"You did it," she thought, "he was counting on you to bring him home, and you did it."

She shook her head, trying to stave off the burning question of "now what?"

"Hey, Sabine!"

Ezra had stopped in his tracks and turned back to her.

"You coming?" he asked.

Sabine searched her words. Of course she wanted to join them— and Ezra's smile as he turned back to her was welcoming in a way nothing else could've been— but she hadn't stayed on The Ghost for years, and didn't even know if there was still a place for her.

Hera spoke up before Sabine could voice her hesitations.

"I've still got your room just like you left it, too," Hera said, with that motherly tone of voice that turned a suggestion into a command.

"Alright," Sabine said, "who am I to argue with that?"

Sabine joined them, and they left for The Ghost together.

— — —

"Hey, Jacen," Sabine knocked on the door as she entered the room, "you awake?"

If he hadn't been awake before, he certainly was now, as he jumped out of his bed and into her arms to give her a hug.

"Aunt Sabine!" he laughed, "you're home!"

"You're right I am," Sabine ruffled his shaggy green hair, "and I brought back a friend."

Jacen looked past her to where his mom stood in the doorway, Ezra walking in past her.

"Jacen?" Ezra asked, taking a few steps into the room, "I know you don't know me, but…."

"Uncle Ezra?" Jacen asked.

"Yeah," Ezra said, smiling as he knelt down next to Sabine to get closer to Jacen's level, "I take it you've heard of me."

"Yeah," Jacen said, "mommy and Aunt Sabine and Chopper tell me stories about you all the time."

Out in the hallway, Chopper beeped something to the contrary.

"You do and you know it!" Jacen argued to the droid.

"Well, I'm glad to finally meet you," Ezra said, placing his hands on Jacen's shoulders and nodding, "Sabine's told me a lot about you, too."

"Like what?" Jacen asked.

"For one, she said that you're a lot like your parents."

"Did you know my dad?" Jacen's eyes lit up, "you knew him, right?" "Yeah," Ezra nodded, solemnly, before lightening the mood again, "how about I tell you about one of our adventures? As a bedtime story?"

He glanced back at Hera as he asked, and she nodded

"Just don't go too long," Hera pointed at them, "you boys have a busy day tomorrow."

"Okay," Jacen said, already climbing into his bed.

Ezra sat down at the end of Jacen's bed. "It all started when we were on the roof of The Ghost, while your dad was trying to teach me how to become a Jedi.…"

Sabine watched him over her shoulder as she left the room. Ezra seemed to have clicked with Jacen immediately, probably due to either the way the boys were both so easy to get along with, or because of their strong connections to the force. Either way, it was endearing for her to watch.

Sabine felt Hera's hand on her shoulder.

"Let's get you settled back in too," Hera said.

"Alright," Sabine said.

She followed Hera down the hall to her old room, and found that, just as Hera had said, not much had changed. The walls were still covered in more graffiti than an abandoned factory in the outer rim, and the old cracked mirror on her dresser still had yet to be repaired.

"Just like you left it," Hera said.

"Yeah," Sabine rolled her eyes, sitting on her old bed, "that was quite a day."

She almost felt ridiculous by now, with how excited and hopeful she'd been at the start of her training with Ahsoka, even though the mere thought of her training carried with it so much tension and stress now.

She got up to look through the drawers of her dresser, and was confused by a few things she found in it.

"I don't remember owning this shirt," Sabine said, holding up a gray and tan shirt with long sleeves and a snappy collar.

"I didn't think your old clothes would fit you anymore," Hera said, "so left a few of my old things for you."

"You did?" Sabine asked, looking through the drawer "how did you know I'd even be back?"

"I didn't know," Hera said, "but I had hoped. I know you've moved onto bigger things than our Spectre days— we all have— but I always wanted home to be here for you if you need someplace to crash."

"You mean a place to have an exciting landing?" Sabine asked.

"Yeah," Hera laughed.

Sabine gave Hera a sidehug.

"Thanks," Sabine said.

The past few years had been really rough. Every other idea of home she'd ever had was gone for good, but somehow this place remained— probably due to the stubbornness of her Captain.

And somehow, no matter how much time passed, she always found her crew again.

"It's good to have you home," Hera said, "now, I'd suggest you change so Chop can get your clothes washed, and I'll have something to eat ready in just a few minutes."

"You don't have to…" "Sabine," Hera said, "I insist."

Sabine smiled and rolled her eyes as Hera left the room.

— — —

Seven minutes later, Sabine was in the galley, wearing one of Hera's shirts and a pair of her old oversized pants, drinking a cup of caf and talking with Hera like nothing had ever changed.

"How's your Jedi stuff going?" Hera asked, from where she stood by the stove.

"It's," Sabine took a sip of caf as she looked for the right word, "interesting." "Interesting good?" Hera asked.

"Yeah," Sabine said, "while we were on Perida I actually managed to use the Force a little."

"Well, that's good," Hera said.

"I don't know," Sabine said, "it only worked there and I haven't tried it since. Probably had something to do with the planet itself."

"Ah," Hera smiled, "the Force has a funny way of working sometimes."

"Yeah," Sabine said, unsure why she said it the way she did, like there was something more to this story that Sabine didn't even realize she was getting at, "it wasn't anything major anyways."

"Don't listen to her," Ezra said, as he walked into the galley, "if it wasn't for her connection to the Force, we never would've made it home."

Sabine smiled at Ezra, and noticed that instead of the clothes he'd been wearing all week in the closet, he now wore a familiar green shirt that Hera must've lent him. "Sounds like quite the story," Hera smiled, as Ezra sat down next to Sabine at the table, "and speaking of 'stories,'" Hera poured a cup of caf for Ezra just the way he liked it— with enough creamer that it ended up the same color that Zeb turned the time he got food poisoning, "you did make sure to remind Jacen that climbing on top of The Ghost for Jedi practice should only be done with direct adult supervision, right?"

Ezra took a sip of his caf and sighed with contentment, as if he hadn't heard her question.

"I've really missed this," he set down the cup, "you know, they don't have creamer like this on Perida. Granted, they also don't have caf."

"Ezra," Hera asked, arms crossed.

"Don't worry, Hera," Ezra said, "I'll remind him in the morning that any stories I tell him are on a strict 'do as I say, not as I do' basis."

"Alright," Hera said, grabbing a couple plates off the counter as she changed the subject, "now, I hope you kids are hungry."

She set down a plate of purpleish pancakes in front of each of them.

"We've eaten nothing but decade-old Imperial rations for the last week," Sabine said, "I'd say we're long overdue for a home-cooked meal."

"Besides," Ezra said, already with his mouth full of food, "I wouldn't even turn down a stack of Jogan Pancakes if I'd just had a full Life Day Feast."

Sabine smiled as she took a bite of her pancakes, with not nearly as much reckless abandon as Ezra did— just like old times— but still wholeheartedly.

"These are amazing," Ezra said, "just as good as I remembered them."

"I do my best," Hera said, and instead of taking pride at his compliment, she looked away almost wistfully, "I know they're not as good as when Kanan would make them…."

"They're great," Sabine and Ezra both said, then looked at each other with a smile.

"Glad to hear there's an agreement," Hera said, as she sat down with a stack of pancakes of her own.

In between mouthfuls— very full, borderline greedy mouthfuls— Ezra kept the conversation going.

"Does Jacen have any of his dad's cooking skills?"

Hera smiled, "he's the only one who can come close to making Kanan's specialty."

"You mean that meatlump stuff that tasted a lot better than it sounds?" Ezra laughed, but only a little, followed by a sigh.

"That's the one," Hera said, and despite the sour look on Ezra's face as he mentioned it, Hera's expression was one of delight.

"Kanan would be proud of him," Ezra nodded.

"I know he would," Hera nodded, "and I am too."

They each took a few more bites, before Ezra spoke up again.

"So, Sabine," Ezra said, "Jacen mentioned you've been telling stories about me?"

Sabine bit her lip. Maybe she'd told one or two or seventy-five stories about him, but that was no reason for Jacen to bring it up.

"Once or twice," Sabine said.

"Which ones?"

"Oh, you know," Sabine took a sip of her caf, "that time Chopper unscrewed the bolts from your bunk…."

"Seriously?" Ezra asked.

"What?" Sabine shrugged, "I had to say something when he asked about the funny drawing of Uncle Zeb on the wall of his room."

"You actually kept that up?" Ezra asked.

"You could've washed it off anytime when it was your room," Sabine suggested.

"What can I say?" Ezra asked, "I liked being your inspiration."

"Then you're gonna love what I've done in the comm tower on Lothal."

"What?"

"Nothing," Sabine said, quickly covering her tracks, knowing she probably couldn't find a way to say she'd been living in his old house the past few years without it sounding creepy.

Ezra shrugged as he finished off his stack of pancakes and got up to grab some more from the counter by the stove, Sabine trying not to let her gaze follow him too intently.

———

"You'd think we'd be sick of each other by now," Sabine thought, as she and Ezra sat next to each other at the table in the galley, long after the pancakes and caf were finished and Hera had gone to bed, "and yet? I could probably stay up talking with him all night."

She tried to ignore the fact that she'd almost done just that, that there were only a few hours left before they'd have to wake up, and that Hera had reminded them not to stay up too late tonight.

"Hey, Sabine," Ezra said, "you good?"

She'd spaced out in the middle of one of his stories, so focused on how much she enjoyed talking with Ezra that she'd forgotten to focus on talking with Ezra.

"Yeah," Sabine said, shaking her head as she came up with an excuse, "sorry. Just zoned out a little."

"I think you need some sleep," Ezra said.

"I've been in a closet for a whole week," Sabine said, "I've gotten more than enough rest."

"Sabine," he titled his head and raised an eyebrow, with knowing disappointment at her self-destructive tendencies.

"And what about you?" Sabine threw his accusation back at him, "don't you have a big day tomorrow?"

"I'll be fine," Ezra said, glancing at her with a smile and a glimmer in his eye, "besides, I slept much better this past week than I have in a long time."

"Why's that?" Sabine asked.

That's how she knew she needed sleep. She was pretty sure of the answer to that question, and if she'd been more awake, she'd've deflected this kind of conversation.

But, since she asked, Ezra answered, by sliding closer to her and gently putting a hand on her shoulder. He leaned towards her a little as well, and lowered his tone, somehow to something deep but still soft; gravelly but still smooth.

"I've missed you."

Oh no.

In the good old days, when Ezra tried something like this, it had always bothered her— because she didn't feel the same way— because there was no way she could ever find herself liking Ezra. She'd thought those feelings he had for her had gone away, but the look in his eyes said it all: though it had taken many forms over the last fifteen years, his love for her had never died.

In the good old days, she would've pushed him away immediately at this realization, not wanting anything more than his friendship. By the time she'd thought she might even be able to start feeling the same way, he was already gone. But as she looked into his eyes, she realized she'd more than just begun to catch feelings: though it had taken her fifteen years, she'd finally fallen in love with Ezra Bridger.

She wasn't in the good old days anymore, and it was terrifying.

She liked Ezra.

Ezra liked her.

And now instead of being galaxies apart, they were together— alone together— and he was leaning close to her and whispering to her in a tone of voice that could've made a textbook sound romantic, and she liked it.

It was all too much to take in at once. Her familiar friend had become unfamiliar territory— by no fault of his own— and she didn't know how to respond.

"I should go to bed," Sabine said, sharply, turning away from him so she didn't have to see how his face fell— though she saw it anyway.

"Sabine," Ezra said, "wait, I…."

But she was already out of her seat and on her way out the door. She thought she heard him get up and walk to the doorway after her, but she didn't turn around to check.

Sabine wasn't running from Ezra. It wasn't his fault he'd finally gotten through to her heart this time.

No, she was running from her feelings for Ezra. How else could she respond? She'd never been in love before. What else could be done in the face of this, besides what she did with any other new problem that couldn't be solved with a detonator?

She ran.

#sabezra #sabine wren #ezra bridger #ezrabine #ahsoka series #star wars rebels #hera syndulla #c1-10p #chopper #jacen syndulla #ahsoka spoilers #kazzy writes #fanfic #kazzy writes fanfic #sabezra fanfic #otp: im counting on you

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saltygilmores · 9 months

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Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls: Season 2, Episode 21, Lorelai's Graduation Day, Part 6

I may be something of a rank amateur as far as how many times I've watched Gilmore Girls (2 times through seasons 1-7, currently in the middle of my 2nd run of seasons 1-4 only) while some people have seen it dozens of times (how do you do it, I'm in awe of you, I love this show but it drains my life force). I may be a walking encylopedia of stupid knowledge about Luke and Jess (like how Luke actually serves Folgers coffee and Apartment Jess in season 4 has a Recycling On Tuesday sticky note on his fridge) but I've had to look up basic-bitch things about Rory and Lorelai like why there is so much bootleg merchandise that says "Copper Boom". My point is that with every viewing, I learn a lot. Right now I'm learning that my memory is a shady bitch. She's been tricking me into thinking many of the episodes I remembered as hunky dory "Comfort episodes" from beginning to end were not. The reality is this: the beginning of many episodes are innocent enough, the "favorite/comfort" is actually just some small portion in the middle, and the last 10-15 minutes are a shit tornado of epic proportions and almost without exception due to Lorelai and/or Dean’s fuckery (example: There's the Rub). MY POINT IS, I do have a vague memory of how this episode ends and I anticipate that while it won't be the worst Last 15 Minutes Shit Tornado I'm hoping it won't wash the sweet sweet taste of Literati StepCousin Wiener Tasting In The City out of my mouth right quick. EDIT after finishing the episode: It was not rage-inducing at all. It was fine. Lorelai barely even talked because Rory wouldn't let her get a word in edgewise. It was just ridiculous and went on too long. Read more at the end of the post. Due to it's lack of fuckery, one minute each of Dean and Christopher, and Lorelai's lack of interference, StepCousins In The City can hold it's trophy aloft and retain its standing as my favorite Gilmore Girls episode of all time.

That was pointless and disgusting and it goes on through the entire graduation. And yeah, that's the dude who voices all the characters on Family Guy, Seth MacFarlane. Pretty much just playing one of his characters. With his Brian Griffin voice which is really just his normal voice. Charming. Did you know Family Guy was one the first shows to be revived after it was canceled due to overwhelming demand from fans? The Network was like "if it'll shut ya'll up we'll bring the damn thing back." I was a biiiiiig Family Guy fan in the early 2000's, spent countless hours on FG message boards and added my momentum to the campaign. The network listened. They bought it back. It was horrible. I never watched it again. AHEM.

Thanks a lot, Family Guy. And I’m sorry that I took part in the first successful revival campaign for a canceled tv show. I could not know the domino effect it would have. Alright, my memory is failing me again. I cannot for the life of me recall how Rory ends up missing Lorelai's graduation. I don't think she got on the wrong bus (Jess would never let her). Does the bus break down? Oh, how I love playing Memory Roulette.

So there's one single road leading out of New York City into all surrounding states, and a single accident will prevent “all” busses from leaving the state? Thousands of people are being held hostage over one car crash? That won’t be pretty. I feel like her best option would be to take the train. A taxi would be too expensive, but Jess knows how to drive, so maybe Liz has a car. Steal her car. I just feel like there are alternatives than being held hostage in a stinky bus. Back at the graduation, Family Guy and his girlfriend continue yelling at each other to shut up and die and then they bully Lorelai for having wealthy parents. This is community college. I am an alumni of a county college myself. Many classes would be half empty by the end of the semester as people constantly dropped out (especially night classes). There were some bumps in the road so it took me 3 years to get my 2 year Associates degree, and I was proud of myself for finishing. I didn't pursue any more education after that; but the graduation ceremony was small because most people were transferring to a four year school and they didn't see the point, I guess, of bothering with a graduation ceremony halfway into their college career. Nobody lived at school so your personal connections to your classmates were loose at best. My point is no college adult would ever give a damn about some total stranger's parents to the point they're going to openly bully them AND their friends. I just wanted to graduate and be done with school forever. We’re adults, we all wanna go home. Family Guy is picking on Sookie and Jackson for their "expensive" clothes now. Joke's on you Family Guy, Lorelai runs the Independence Inn where all three of them are employed and she pays them both in beans.

This is what I say any time someone compliments my outfit. Lorelai's face is priceless.

Sometimes this show makes me feel old. This time, I feel young. Because I'm nearly 40, and still too young to know squat about pagers. I grew up in the same Gilmore Girls timeline where certain people (but not everyone) had primitive cellphones, but I don't remember anyone with a pager. I wasn't aware that pagers could get any sort of texts that communicated "I'm running late." . So I had to jump down another GoogleHole . The answer is yes, they were capable of sending and recieving alphanumeric messages, and since the mid 90's, to boot.

Ahhh, love to see her amongst the commoners.

She misses her cousin, okay? You don't have to remind her. Please do not talk to unaccompanied teenage girls on public transportation and tell them to smile, you pervert. He informs Rory that she got on a Local bus, which is why it's taking so long and making a lot of stops, while the bus she took into the city was an Express that doesn't make stops. Okay, you know what, I actually blame Jess for this. I literally just said "Jess would never let Rory get on the wrong bus." And what did he do? Screwed his cousin. Figuratively. It's not the wrong route, but given that he's aware she needed to be home on time to see Lorelai’s graduation, how important it was to Rory, and with him knowing that little miss "can I eat a hot dog on the subway" was under his supervision as a born and bred New Yorker to get on the correct bus to get home in time, well Jess, you fucked up. Jess Mariano's second fuck up is that Rory clearly has some way of communicating with Lorelai, and if Little Mister Walmart had a cellphone, she could have disembarked the bus, called or messaged him, and he could have directed her to the right bus or given her advice on alternate modes of transportation.

You should have, but it's still your cousin's fault. You're making lengthy conversation with strange men on the bus. You're too naive. You can't be trusted in a big city by yourself. She also listed two scenarios where if this were only a couple of years later, having a smartphone to check traffic and schedules would have changed the entire course of the episode. Because We're still on season 2, where you can't show someone drinking a beer and Rory goes to house parties thrown by popular kids where they only drink "imported sodas", this guy is using his beer can for his spit and not to drink. At least by the end of season 3 (KegMax) beer is finally a thing which exists and that wayward youth are seen indulging in.

Family Guy continues to bully Lorelai for being "rich" even moments before she gets her degree. This isn't funny and is in fact quite nauseating and awful.

Yayy. We spot Emily holding back tears during Lorelai's graduation, but afterwards she can only a muster up this ol chestnut: "Congratulations. Hope Raul got some pictures. Welp see ya tomorrow, we gotta go." Okay, okay, this is the worst graduation in history. Mr and Mrs Asshole Family Guy bully you the entire time, your daughter doesn't show up because she's dilly dallying all over New York City shoving wieners in her mouth with your punk future-nephew, you didn't want your parents to show up in the first place because you feel like you'd only disappoint them, but they show up anyway because their grand daughter went behind your back to invite them, then they make a spectacle only to tell you "congratulations" and then try to leave. And to break Lorelai's heart even further, in a few moments she'll find out that Dean Forrester's on his way to being moldy old Wonderbread to Rory and Jess is...the new fancy organic expensive bread from the good supermarket outside of Stars Hollow. Look, she's due for some pretty bad karma but maybe this is a skosh too much at once.

Put it towards therapy.

Certainly not stuck on the wrong bus because her chaperone couldn't be trusted.

Oh Rory you're SO BONED.

Back at home... L: Whatever kept you, whatever you were doing you should have gotten out of it just this once. Was it school? Was it Paris? Oh boy Lorelai I hope you're ready for a real doozy. Anyway, we're finally down to the last four minutes of the episode which is the entire length of Rory's rambling, over the top groveling/ apology.

Hey, that might be enough time to get Dean off your back. Tell her you went to see Jess. DO IT.

"After he called me last night, that phone call... it DID SOMETHING TO ME. I'm ill! I'm sick!" Girl, I feel you. I get it. I get it. Come here. Give me a hug. Rory's groveling is so desperate and pitiful that Lorelai looks utterly reasonable. She is just standing there shaking her head, because let's face it, she's already had one hell of a night so what's one more cherry on top of the shit sundae that was her graduation?

How could I resist? "I can't believe Icut school when finals are coming up to go see a guy who isn't my guy and end up missing my mother's graduation!" But you did it, you were brave, you followed your dear little heart, and I'm proud of you. And the groveling goes on on and on...the stinky bus...the guy with the spit can...she's so sorry...please ground her and make her wash the dishes for a year...she's so sorry...she's stupid and dumb and "girly" for being so impulsive...this isn't her...what a dumb selfish stupid non thinking freak she is...

Uh…

L: "Maybe you don't have a medical condition or a mental problem, maybe you're just falling for Jess." I love Jess, but making the decision to get involved with him DOES involve some level of mental problems, it's pretty much a requirement. The same goes for Rory, who is also deeply fucked up but just better at concealing it. Star crossed lovers, bound by fate, dirty hot dogs, the stars above, the marriage of his uncle to her mother, and loads of familial trauma. Rory-O and Jess-Iet.

Rory, you're a terrible liar. Work on that.

That's it! FOREVER! She adds. Said every 17 year old about some asshole pig boy they dated in high school. It's gonna last forever, Mom! But with the way he weaves in and out of her life for over five years, this is sadly closer to accurate than I like to think about. If Lorelai had a crystal ball or called Miss Cleo she could see into the future and rest easy knowing Jess and Rory only date for like 7 months. But she'd also find out she was going to marry into Jess' family and she would have to see Jess for the rest of her natural life and he would call her Aunt Lorelai at every chance he got just to get under her skin. The universe has a way of evening these things out.

Rory keeps up the pathetically transparent "I love Dean! Dean Dean Dean! Jess is gone. Evaporated. Jess? Jess who? I'm not in love with my cousin!" charade but Lorelai isn't buying it. Ladies and gentlemen, she's still going. And now she has a list. While she was on the Stinky Bus she wrote a list of all the ways she's going to make up for her transgression. She is now going to read the items on the list to Lorelai. One by one. This is surely not the most insufferable ending in gilmore girls history but it's one of those scenes that could have been cut down to half the time. Four minutes of Rory's incessant groveling felt like 30 minutes. Lorelai just looks at Rory as she goes off the deep end, not angry at her but sympathetic and bewildered as her daughter begs to be beaten and suffocated. Oh, and Rory left the Go Go's record she bought for Lorelai on the bus. The end.

#gilmore girls #gilmore girls season 2 #rory gilmore #literati #denise rewatches gilmore girls #lorelais graduation day

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accio-victuuri · 9 months

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From this article : Exclusive Interview｜Xiao Zhan: Shengyang made me relax a little

Xiao Zhan received a lot of scripts and roles. Some people around him gave him suggestions to act in dramas that everyone seemed to like. They had more dramatic conflicts, or the characters were a little more exaggerated, or the proportion of the space was very cautious, and it couldn't be just one-sided. But Xiao Zhan’s own criteria for viewing scripts and characters are not complicated. The first answer is to "impress him", which is more concrete. When he read the first draft of the script of "Sunshine By My Side", he looked at what was described in the script. Sheng Yang smiled unconsciously. When he saw some plots between Meijuan and Lao Sheng, he felt sad, resonated, and nodded.

"I am the one who has to interpret this character. If I don't have the confidence to interpret it, or even the desire, how can I have the confidence to bring him to the audience? At least that's how I am currently."

In essence, Xiao Zhan believes that he and Sheng Yang have the same background. "Just like the name of our drama, Sheng Yang is a little sun. He has an energy that can turn all bad things into something." Very good, I think he will always be bright." Of course, there is also the coincidence that Xiao Zhan and Sheng Yang are also former colleagues. But there is a big difference in personality. In Xiao Zhan's eyes, "This kid is too lively. It doesn't matter if you encounter difficulties. Just cheer yourself up and continue to move forward bravely." But Xiao Zhan himself is very different in life. I prefer to be alone and quiet part of the time.

Screenwriter Li Xiao revealed that she met Xiao Zhan during the creation of this character, so she added a lot of Xiao Zhan's own characteristics to the character of Sheng Yang. Xiao Zhan recalled that when he met Li Xiao for the second time half a year before filming started, he made a comparison In-depth communication, "I remember that time she told me that she felt like you were different from before." What's different? Xiao Zhan himself couldn't answer, "More than two years have passed. People will always grow."

In addition to his fate with the boy Sheng Yang, the important reason why Xiao Zhan likes "SBMS" is because of the natural nature of this drama. Sheng Yang is a young man who dreams of becoming a designer after graduating from university. He has an ordinary family that is noisy but warm at times. By chance, he meets a senior director whom he remembered from 10 years ago. By coincidence, The two met again. The story didn't have the plot of an idol drama. Work, life, friends, and sister were all in his life. "It's not like the plots I've seen before, it's more natural." "

This seemingly natural script is what Xiao Zhan likes and finds challenging. He wants to make Sheng Yang a living person, not just a character played by Xiao Zhan.

"This is a story that flows like water. It has no particularly dramatic conflicts or plots. Everything is natural, just like a story that would happen around you. Acting in this drama is a big challenge for me. Because I have never filmed such an urban drama, how can I make everyone believe that Sheng Yang is such a person, that he really exists, and is not something Xiao Zhan worked hard to play."

The story feels natural and the characters are relaxed. Relaxation and calmness in acting is what Xiao Zhan gained after playing Sheng Yang, and due to a coincidence of career, Sheng Yang may be the life Xiao Zhan would have experienced if he was not an actor. Did experiencing a life like "parallel time and space" make actor Xiao Zhan relax?

"Yes, but not many. Because the problems Xiao Zhan and Sheng Yang face are still different."

There are not so many golden fingers in life, everything requires your own efforts

The Paper: I also talked with the screenwriting teacher two days ago. Meeting you before the script was fully completed had an impact on the creation of the character Sheng Yang. What was the contact with the screenwriting teacher like at that time?

Xiao Zhan: The first time Sister Xiao and I met was in 2019. Half a year before filming started, we had an in-depth chat and she said that I felt different from before. I said that more than two years have passed and people will always grow. That was the first time that the screenwriting teacher and I established an understanding of each other. Later, we held three script meetings to make adjustments to the character of Sheng Yang.

There were two points I raised at the beginning. One was why Sheng Yang has been obsessed with this sister for 10 years? Another point is that although Sheng Yang is a younger brother, how can he show responsibility and growth in a relationship to convince the audience.

The Paper: Is the final Sheng Yang highly compatible with you?

Xiao Zhan: We are both positive and optimistic, but we have different personalities. For example, Sheng Yang can't help but take action against his boss. Maybe for Xiao Zhan, I won't do such impulsive things. I will think of solutions when workplace bullying appears, instead of delaying the matter. To the point of being unbearable.

The Paper: Then how do you understand Sheng Yang’s tolerance in the early stage? His superiors took credit for his role and had a bad attitude toward him. He never thought of a solution and was just enduring.

Xiao Zhan: I can understand Sheng Yang’s situation at that time. First of all, he needs this job; secondly, this is life, there will be pressure, there will be difficulties, it may make him feel very tired, but he still has to go to work well the next day. Because he needed this job, his family conditions did not allow him to do something very outrageous and impulsive, which also allowed him to develop a very gentle character.

So I understand Sheng Yang. As for why he suddenly took action and had an emotional outburst later, it was because (the boss) had hit the bottom line of his tolerance.

But Shengyang has grown. In the beginning, he was a diligent and hard-working young man with a relatively tolerant personality. Later, he experienced some things in the workplace and in life. At the same time, he also met his sister, who encouraged him to be himself and to face and resist bravely, so Shengyang made some adjustments. But even in the ending, we didn't portray Sheng Yang as very successful, having completed a very big project, or as well-known. We still want Shengyang to be closer to life. After all, there are not so many golden fingers in life. Everything is hard-won and requires your own efforts.

The Paper: How do you understand some of the struggles between Sheng Yang and the team leader? If it were you, what kind of mentality would you have when faced with this unfair situation?

Xiao Zhan: I might solve the problem as soon as it occurs. I will look for opportunities to have a tactful chat with my boss. For example, I will reflect to my boss on the current resistance I am encountering from a project perspective. But to be honest, I have never encountered workplace bullying. I am quite lucky. The seniors and colleagues I have met take good care of me.

Acting requires "subtraction" sometimes

The Paper: What is the difficulty of Shengyang for you?

Xiao Zhan: In a few scenes, I think Sheng Yang is a bit naive. Will he be accepted by the audience? Will everyone like him? And how to determine this degree? How to act naturally? These are the questions I have to face.

We chatted a lot with the director on set. I would sit next to the director and watch when I had nothing to do. We would talk about what to do with this scene, and the director would give me a lot of advice. The point of inspiration is to do subtraction. In many cases, don’t design a lot of things, don’t think about acting in a lively state, just remember your motivation, and then do subtraction.

The Paper: The scene where Sheng Yang resigned was quite simple to shoot, but some viewers were very sympathetic, and Sheng Yang also had red circles in the end. Is this a subtraction?

Xiao Zhan: Right. In fact, we thought about whether we should say something to everyone after Sheng Yang resigned, but later I felt that there was no need to say it. First of all, the accident did happen, and it is useless to say more. Secondly, you used your resignation to protect the interests of other members of the group, so there is no need to say too much at the moment.

We need to understand the character's emotions based on his current situation. First of all, his family situation is not very good and he needs this job; secondly, how will he explain to his parents when he returns? This is a profession that he loves very much, and it is more than just a job to make ends meet. And he has already become the chief designer, which is a very rare opportunity. So Shengyang feels more sad at the moment. I was also very sad when I was acting, because everything was obviously going in a good direction and I had worked hard, but I got this result. In the setting in the script, it was a well-known advertising company. When we were studying design, we would also make a career plan for ourselves, so it must be very sad to leave this company.

The Paper: When thinking about the character, did you do any design for Sheng Yang that might be outside of the script to make it more consistent with the character?

Xiao Zhan: For design-related content, just refer to my previous work experience. The main thing is to be natural and not to do too much design, because everyone who works knows what to do and focus on what you are doing. Just work. In addition, before the filming started, I sorted out Shengyang's growing environment, as well as his way of getting along with his colleagues at work, his way of getting along with his superiors, and his way of getting along with his parents at home.

The Paper: What do you think of the emotional line between your parents?

Xiao Zhan: I think he is confused when his parents quarrel. My parents also quarrel, and I am confused sometimes. I will ask, why do you still quarrel so much after you have lived together for decades? ? You obviously care about each other and love each other very much, so why do you have to hurt each other in this way? So I also have questions about Sheng Yang in the play.

Sheng Yang did not escape. If he had chosen to escape, he would not have grown into such a character. It can be seen from Sheng Yang's character that their family is a very loving family.

Understand each other, test each other, and move towards each other step by step

The Paper: In Sheng Yang’s eyes, what kind of person is Jian Bing?

Xiao Zhan: Very independent and sober, different from some people in the advertising circle in the show. She is like a breath of fresh air. What impresses Shengyang most is her insistence on design and her own high-end aesthetics.

The Paper: When Sheng Yang complained about work to Jian Bing, Jian Bing said to stop doing it, and Sheng Yang fell silent. At this time, he was not brave. Do you agree more with Jian Bing's statement, or do you agree with Sheng Yang's hesitation and silence?

Xiao Zhan: I can particularly understand Sheng Yang. Work is really not something you can do without doing. First of all, Sheng Yang is the design department team leader of the advertising department of a design company. For three cases he has, he has three clients. , there are many contact people at the customer's side. If you suddenly stop doing it, this matter will be very irresponsible, let alone professional ethics. Because the customer has chosen you, you have to be responsible to the customer, so it’s really not just a matter of quitting. I feel like I can’t do it anyway, at least there needs to be a transition period.

Jian Bing didn't comfort him either. This is a point of difference between the two of them. The younger brother and older sister are in different social statuses and have different working environments. Sometimes they have conflicting ideas. This is also a point that I think is very real in "SBMS". It is not the younger brother. As soon as they came up, they met each other. The two of them immediately had something to do. Instead, they walked toward each other step by step while understanding each other and testing each other.

The Paper: When was the moment when you felt you most resonated with Sheng Yang’s soul?

Xiao Zhan: It has always been there, from the first scene when he went to work. But the most resonant moment may be the scene when she goes home to face her parents for dinner after losing her job. Her mother says what’s wrong, why do she look so tired today? What they don’t know is that Sheng Yang is already unemployed, but Sheng Yang doesn’t explain. In fact, I myself am now reporting good news but not bad news.

I was very sad when I went to shoot. I couldn't hold it back and cried while eating. But I couldn't cry. According to the plot, crying would be very strange. In the end, the director didn't use the crying part. It was very correct.

For today's young people, it is more that I can be strong and endure no matter how hard I am outside, but when facing my closest relatives, including my parents, a greeting will sometimes completely break down. So I am very empathetic.

The Paper: Is it because of his character that he has a kind of liveliness that you don’t have?

Xiao Zhan: It's possible, so I envy him very much. It's a kind of yearning.

The Paper: Which scene or line in this drama do you like best?

Xiao Zhan: Independent of each other, no suspicion or jealousy.

The Paper: You have acted in a lot of movies so far. Where do you think your greatest growth is reflected?

Xiao Zhan: I feel that I am more relaxed and calm. This is the biggest feeling after filming "SBMS". Of course, this may also be a problem with the subject matter, which requires you to be natural and relaxed.

The Paper: As an actor, where do you think your desire for acting started?

Xiao Zhan: When you see a good script, you have the confidence and motivation to perform it well. This can also be regarded as a desire to conquer the character you like and win this role. In fact, when acting, just enjoy the moment, whether it is sad or happy, remember it.

The Paper: When is the happiest moment as an actor?

Xiao Zhan: Basically, the director and I send messages every day after work. Sometimes it’s to summarize the details of today’s scene that haven’t been completed, and sometimes it’s to discuss how to shoot the big scene the next day — any ideas.

The director sent me a long 60-second voice message, telling me with great interest what he was going to shoot tomorrow. I really like this kind of atmosphere, where everyone is giving, creating, and doing it with love. This atmosphere is what I like and what I want.

The Paper: To be honest, especially for young actors like you, who are liked by many young people, the roles handed to you will be more upright and have no shortcomings, but this seems not to be three-dimensional and enjoyable enough. What do you think of this situation?

Xiao Zhan: I think this is an issue of career functionality of actors at different stages. It is true that some very complex roles are so fascinating and challenging, but when you return to your role as an actor, you need to think carefully. I feel that as I get older, have more energy, and Xiao Zhan’s personality attributes become more and more multifaceted, I can try some more complex roles.

Every character has its own shortcomings and shortcomings. This kid Sheng Yang is actually a bit noisy. It depends on how you act and how you use it, and it becomes the character's characteristics. He moves forward bravely and breaks through difficult walls, but this means that this person is a bit stubborn. When I read the script myself, I also felt that this child was a bit short-sighted. This may be his shortcoming and what makes him lovable. point.

The Paper: Are you the kind of person who needs to work all the time, or do you prefer a relaxed pace?

Xiao Zhan: I should be like many people. When I keep working, I feel like taking a rest. When I take a break, I say no, I have to work and I have to produce.

The Paper: Since it was filmed in Chongqing, did you bring your colleagues from the crew to introduce the local food?

Xiao Zhan: I sent some to my colleagues, but they were all disliked in the end. Everyone would say we won’t eat this anymore. It turned out that I had not returned to Chongqing for several years and was already out.

The Paper: Do you feel a sense of loss that you are no longer familiar with your hometown?

Xiao Zhan: I don’t feel disappointed, the classic ones are the best.

-END.

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