#I'll have to ask my friend if she can pick up my thesis from the printing service and drop it off at the exam office

[tardis--dreams]

I finally received some positive news ♡ my corona test is the only thing not negative about me rn

#wonderful ♡ #where did i catch it? #probably my neighbors #who live in the same house #or my mother is infected but has no symptoms #i literally don't leave my house otherwise lol #except for that doctor's appointment last week #and ok #i went to a supermarket once in the last 3 (4?) weeks #AND I ALWAYS WEAR MY FUCKING MASK #but ok #this is just a fun thing we do these days #my body and me are enemies #I'll have to ask my friend if she can pick up my thesis from the printing service and drop it off at the exam office #i hate it #anyway #fun times

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for breaking off a friendship without an explanation after a boundary has been crossed repeatedly?

This is one of those "happened a while ago, but still on my mind" stories. I (then 26F) had a long-term close friendship with a classmate from highschool (then 25F) in which we'd been really through a lot together, too much to recount here.

Relevant to the story is that I had just survived cancer a few months earlier, though. Also probably relevant is that we had started drifting apart a little bit recently anyway, because I wasn't as available for daily phone calls anymore due to a new job and a new relationship.

To get to the matter of the friendship break-up fight: I usually proofread her papers for university as a courtesy, she didn't proofread mine, which I didn't mind - orthography is a skill of mine and she showed up for me in different ways. Now it was time for her to write her graduation thesis and I had agreed to help her with it if (!) she managed to finish it a couple days before the deadline this time, because I knew I was gonna be busy on the weekend of the deadline (hand-in on Monday morning). She had a history of procrastination, so I made that clear beforehand.

Friday evening rolls around, she hasn't send me anything yet and I figure she has it covered or found someone else to help her out.

On Saturday evening I'm entertaining guests, two friends who were emigrating halfway across the globe for work the next week. I haven't looked at my phone in hours, as I find that really rude on such a special occasion. I get a call on the landline from my thesis friend, telling me she's done and demanding I get on it immediately. I tell her that I'm busy hosting friends, and that I don't know when I'll next see these two.

She gets nasty. Demands again that I get right on it and to throw my guests out now. I can only put this down to severe stress. I tell her that I'll do it Sunday morning, but not now, and hang up. I get back to my goodbye party. Sunday morning I do the proofreading, send it back to her, we talk a little on the phone and I can tell she's still mad at me for blowing her off.

When I probe a bit and ask what's wrong, she blows up at me and tells me that she had expected better of me, that she expected me to be there for her and not other people in her time of need because she was there for me when I had cancer. That I should count myself lucky because unlike some other friends, she didn't leave me over my illness. (Which did happen, other friends left.)

I get very upset and tell her how much that hurts, that I don't feel it's fair to have this brought up in this context and that if she uses my cancer against me again, friendship over. She hands in her thesis on Monday, gets an A- for it.

Fast forward a couple months, a common friend calls me and tells me my thesis friend had said some incredibly rude things about me and she worries. I have her tell me the story and lo and behold, it's the same complaints: I wasn't grateful enough, didn't value her sacrifice during my chemo enough (visiting me in the same city every two weeks to watch shows together), she expected more devotion etc.

I tell the shared friend and thank you and block the thesis friend on all social media and my phone. I get calls from a hidden number at an insane rate for a week, which I don't pick up, and then that stops too - I'm still not sure if that was her, but the timing was... weird.

The shared friend tells the thesis friend that she told me, so the thesis friend definitely knows what caused me to block her - but I wasn't the one who told her why. Some of our shared friends still feel like I was an asshole for cutting her out like this, so am I?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[imrllytootiredforthis]

Can I just share something?🙏🏻

So we all know about the famous " jogio noona, hokshi namjachingu isseoyo? " and ( perhaps) jisung preferences for a partner older than him 👀? Yeah , well, well , well... imagine a college AU where the reader is in the process of writing their thesis, PhD, or almost finishing college, & they are offered a post within the university as some sort of part time 1:1 student counselor because actual teachers have busy schedules.

Word goes that the reader s attitude is super strict , same is the the advice and help she gives to other students, so jisung joined her private counselling classes just because he wanted to have someone boss him around, and speak to him in a stern , serious tone. That's it , that's the only reason he is there for. Things go fine at the beginning until jisung starts to get some romantic feelings for the reader and wishing that his fantasies weren't happening just in his own mind every tine after getting out of the reader's office.

Every day after meeting jisung, the reader seems to either find some mess on her desk or purse, which turns out to be jisung taking out and spraying her perfume onto his own clothes. The reader shows up earlier than the usual hour, just to find jisung in the act of rummaging trough her purse once again and confronts him about his behaviour, which results in his dirty fantasies finally becoming reality.

- 🌟 anon

At the airport while i write this✍️✍️bc i'm impatient and IT'S SO GOOD

Omfg, i'll definitely come back to this when i have more time but i'm writing on my phone rn adn it's kind of hard and i also don't have that much time until boarding but i'll try😤

Like, jisung first heard about you from one of his friends, they'd be complaining about you, about how mean and stern you are, for seemingly no reason, pushing your students a lot more than most of their professors do

And while this piques his interest in the first place he doesn't have any reason to join counselling, other than you,

But he'll find a way, one way or another figuring out how to get into one of your private sessions for no reason other than to be scolded by you for an hour and a half straight during the session.

Trying to hide the way that he gets hard under the table whenever you berate him, telling him that you know that he can do better-asking why he's so useless sometimes, getting so frustrated one time to go as far to ask if there's anything but air in that pretty little head of his-

And of course there is, only just not the head that you're talking about

It starts as a kind of infatuation, a fantasy of wanting you to bend him over your desk and have your way with him before it slowly becomes something more

Into him wanting to just talk to you, be around you, hear your voice and see your face. Until he can't help himself but rummage around in your bag when you leave the room, trying to find out more about you, spraying small amounts onto himself to hold onto you a little bit longer after your session ends.

You leave the room and he pauses for a second, waiting to hear the sound of your retreating steps before scurrying over to sift through your bag again.

He finds the usual, your perfume, your chapstick, papers with notes that he couldn't care less about-but wait,

Why is his name...?

He picks up the notes, the ones that he's seen plenty of times before but has skimmed over as they where of no importance to him.

But here it was, his name, in your pretty handwriting. Han Jisung-aged 22yo, and they continued on, things about him...things about oh,

His eyes widened as he skimmed over the notes, cheeks flaring red.

Oh.

"What the hell are you doing looking through my bag-you perv!"

#inbox💌 #sorry #ran out of time and i have to board now^^ #🌟 anon #i can't wait to hear more from you!! #hard thoughts #stray kids x reader #sub stray kids #sub han #han jisung smut #sub han jisung #stray kids hard thoughts #queued :p #han jisung x reader

[nitpickrider]

So, people say that Golden Age Lois plain and simply despised Clark as a weakling and a coward (with their more Vitriolic Best Buds thing being a modern inventions). Is this entirely true, or was there ever more to it?

Oh my friend that is not true at ALL. In fact from what I've read the idea that Lois despises Clark in any fashion outside of being a friendly professional rival doesn't hold up to the actual scrutiny. (Take this with the grain of salt that I'm only reading Action Comics at the moment, any stories or evidence that exist in the concurrent Superman comic are unknown to me). The moment that sticks out to me is this one so I'll use it for my main thesis statement.

I mean that's right there in black and white, isn't it? Even if her goal is to marry Superman, the only person she'd want to give her away at the wedding is Clark who she outright loudly declares to the entire office to be her second favorite man in the world (The story is a dream but that only strengthens the claim. This is what Lois is saying IN HER OWN MIND) I have TONS more evidence if you want to peak below the cut, be warned its mostly just gushing. I love Clark and Lois' relationship regardless of context and I have TONS of notes.

What people often miss is that in this era the two are actually dating on and off again? I've always read it as Lois and Clark just being each others' main social calls when there's something new to do or see.

She takes steps to activley improve his safety when he's put on dangerous assignment (and she would know, wouldn't she?)

When Clark is under threat of harm or god forbid seems to be actually hurt, it hits Lois like a train. The idea that something could have happened to her puts her into a very uncharacteristic spiral. She gets stunlocked and tends toward feinting which is otherwise very unlike her.

Beyond that, simply, the poor girl worries about him as much as he worries about her.

She relies on Clark to lean on and explicitly would need him around should anything happen to Superman, Clark is her main emotional support system and she knows it well enough to consciously lean on him when in distress

A simple moment of the two sharing a little bit of small talk, they work in very close quarters seemingly by choice. Clark is part of Lois' routine.

They even conduct their chores socially, which I'm given to believe was a much more common activity among friends back in the day. Lois takes a personal interest in Clark's life, how he's feeling, how he looks.

In this moment, granted she's trying to get something out of him but its not like she's holding her nose to give him a kiss on the cheek. And the second she seems disillusioned with Superman, Clark is the first person she can think of to pin her affections on.

When she's had a weird day at work, who does she talk to? Clark.

Even on her way out the door she tries to cheer him up just casually noticing he seemed more dour than usual, not only is that her taking an interest in him emotionally but it shows she knows and cares about him enough to note a change in behavior.

And THIS one is my favorite

She noticed his shirt was dirty, heard him say he had forgotten to get them washed. So she showed up at his apartment where she is evidently a regular enough sight that the doorman knows her by name, to pick up his laundry and have it done for him. No one asks her to do this, she just does it. I've always been fond of saying that the core anchor of any Superman story is the relationship between Clark and Lois. And I DON'T just mean their romantic entanglement. Like Holmes and Watson or Calvin and Hobbs. If you can't write a convincing back and forth between the two, if you can't make the audience believe that these two people are friends who love and care for one another. Then straight up you're going to write Bad Superman comics, period.

#dc #dcu #dc comics #dc universe #superhero #comics #superman #clark kent #lois lane

[inlocusmads]

Hi Mads! I was doing the quote generator thing going around and this one came up and I immediately thought of Jane and Ethan.

Jane: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why. Ethan: Only if you also don't ask why. Ethan: *pulls four pristine human skulls out of their bag* Jane: ... Jane, grabbing a skull: This one will do.

Just had to share it with you.😆 Hope your are surviving Uni!💗

Cari! I loved this so much, I turned it into a quick little Christmas-y drabble!

Skulduggery

Jane needs a new dealer. Ethan's ready to help.

Featuring: Ethan Ramsey, Jane Fletcher from Open Heart

Word Count: 596 | No Warnings/Teen+

Ethan Ramsey, as a person, had put up with odd requests before. Some wanted his autograph so they could tattoo it in compromising places. Some wanted him to go through their medical thesis - which was just asking for too much at this point and some thought of him as a God, when really, he wanted to be left alone like how an ordinary human being would be treated as.

He most certainly did not expect the oddest of requests from his . . friend.

"I'm going to need a human skull but you can't ask why."

"All right."

"You're on board? Just like that?"

"Yes. I mean, what's the harm?"

"You sound oddly composed. Is everything all right?"

It was the first time Jane had actually asked about his wellbeing, which was even more surprising, but everything about her was so surprising that he was completely used to living in a pool full of uncertainty. She could wake up one day with a strong desire to build her own homemade ballistic missile and he wouldn't mind at all. In fact, he'd probably be able to supply parts.

"Only if you don't ask why."

"Ask why?"

"Why --- so and so and so."

"Why not?"

"Because that's how it works. You don't ask me why. I don't ask you why."

"All right. I'm on board."

Ethan reached into his desk and grabbed a cardboard box and placed it delicately on his table.

"Skulls. I've got four of them."

". . This one looks funky."

"Yes, that one was picked up from the morgue. Cleaned and sanitised and everything. Though I've been very partial to this one with a massive dent here. Poor man lost a lot of blood they had to manually repair it, but then, the man died, so -- oops, I suppose."

Jane stared at him.

"Okay. They're papier mache. They -- they don't just hand skulls out to me, just yet. I don't have a skull dealer, per se. These were from Edenbrook's Halloween decorations three years ago and they've been here since then. Ages ago. Unfortunately you won't be getting actual human skulls, but I'm happy to write you a note. There'll be paperwork, but nothing that takes longer than a week and you'd probably have an actual human head in your hands. Isn't that fun, yeah?"

It was worth noting that Ethan had developed a sense of crude humour. Wonder where he got it from.

"But why -- why do you need it though?"

"To scare the children and the Carol singers away."

"But caroling is fun!"

"You're the same man with four skulls in a box, aren't you? Or did you - sort of switch to a different demeanor already?"

"Unfortunately, I had this long career going on where I took apart people's skulls and collected them for a living. And when I became a doctor, it didn't help me at all."

"Ah. Shame." Jane shrugged. "Well, I hope you can quit now, so you can fall back to your skull-collecting career soon enough. I need a new dealer. My old one screamed at me when I demanded against those unfair prices."

"Tell you one, I'll sell a femur to you. Free of charge. Only if you promise you'd keep this a secret--"

"That can be done."

"--and eat three meals a day and sleep for a change, because you're close to getting dissected by a madman for your skull and I'm not handling collateral damage if one of my colleagues end up passing out from exhaustion. And also out of a place of friendly concern, I guess."

"And no."

---

A/N: This prompt is so apt for these two absolute maniacs. Thank you so much for sending this to me!

And ugh, uni has been a bit hard but I'm ploughing through it! Sure, there's the "dying of exhaustion" bit and the whole "Ughhhh GOD SAVE ME FROM THIS!" thing but hopefully, everything goes fine.

Honestly these two just give me Gomez and Morticia Addams vibes, except they are just bouncing off of each other's chaotic energies to the point where they've lost seriousness LMAO. Jane is such a nice influence on Ethan! He's just getting to his Crude Humour Era and I'm just so proud.

Thank you so much for sending this and thinking of these two absolute dumb idiots, Cari!

#w:inlocusmads #askboxed! #cariantha #open heart #jane fletcher & ethan ramsey

[whimsyqueen]

@failed221b-chill sent me some of those WIP questions, so I'm going to answer them here! Thank you, friend!!

I've already answered numbers 7 and 14 in this ask, so I'll just do the other ones you sent!! Thank you!!

4. what’s a wip that’s fairly easy for you to get back into writing? why? 

Angharad/Bog Witch is pretty easy for me to slip in and out of, just because the environment is one that I like so much, and that story revolves so heavily around the vibes and the setting and the imagery of everything . I like that style a lot, so I can pick it up pretty easily.

12. what’s a wip that you’re determined to finish? 

I am GOING to finish Petra's story, I swear that to myself. It's taking a long time, and I'm stuck right now, but I know what I have to do to keep going and I WILL do it. It's just making my head hurt a little bit because I'm switching up the POV and writing from a pretty nasty character's point of view, which I hate. I'll get it though.

17. what do you do to motivate yourself to write? 

I like writing sprints a lot. I get distracted super easily, so if I sit down and actually schedule sprints into my day, it helps! Also, I like environment, so I'll light candles, play music, do whatever I need to in order to actually *put me there*, ya know?

18. do you have people encouraging you to write? 

My girlfriend, @destiniescollide is pretty great, I gotta say. I get really down on myself a lot and the imposter syndrome is SUPER real, but she has my back. Also, I'm literally in a creative writing masters program, or at least, I'm about to start this fall, so having classes where I HAVE to write for a grade and a thesis that is literally a novel will be immensely helpful to me. Also all the professors at my school are just so nice and supportive and helpful, it makes me so happy

#ask game #send me some asks! #my wips #wip stuff #writeblr #writing #creative writing #ask the author

[weltonreject]

omg a bull terrier would be even better than a cat (no hate to cats tho obvi), they could have a little bed behind the counter too for nap times

also re my last ask/your answer: i could say so much about bog bodies but main points are 1. they are super well preserved (like looked like i could still hold their hand, could see how they kept their nails, still had hair kind of well preserved) and it's all just bc of the bogs and 2. the history around them is v interesting and has to do with kingship and sacrifice (the name of the exhibit!), and i just find the combination of history preserved so well and the things nature can do so fascinating

and also also i wonder what it is in the air drawing us back to tgf? i hope more people join in and we can have a renaissance (also hello hathaway and cleo !! i think i have said before but i love the way u name characters i take so much inspiration from just the Vibes ur character names create when i am coming up with my own names (and also also i love lost and stolen and hope one day i can read it again (but also no pressure) and while i'm at it i do want u to know that i still carry it with me in the best way!! this is getting long so i will stop but !! u are master of creating such big feelings with literally all aspects of ur writing i hope to be lucky enough to read more in the future <3)

<3333 egr

howdy darling!! <3

oh i'm so glad we agree on the bull terrier AND a little bed behind the counter, but of course. she wouldn't just have to sleep on my feet or the ground! she's beloved by the (presumably) small town she Works in; she must be treated with respect!

re: bog bodies - that IS really interesting! the cross section of really well preserved artifacts that allows us to document and observe very human-made history AND that preservation being done strictly by nature! something very much untouchable in its forces by man! wow that's so fascinating holy shit-- oh i totally get why you'd have interest in this!!

i've started a little of my tgf reread but also have picked up tsh again because a friend recently read it for the first and i want to freshen up! either way, donna is pulling us back in... god help us

(lastly, thank you so much.... i never know what to say when people have positive reactions to lost & stolen and hathaway & cleo. they were just my silly little thesis project i was working on and struggling with forEVER (or at least it felt like it). then lockdown made it so i couldn't present the completed piece to my department and have that You Wrote A Novel (kinda) moment. so i sort of... forget? that i did it? and that i shared it? and there are some of you out there that have read it?? and think about it?? and it just makes me well up and feel so special and happy. i cannot thank you enough for reading it, let alone taking it in with such good faith and kindness. thank you thank you xo i've only begun to break out of my writing drought from graduating but i did take out all my original notes from lost & stolen the other day... i don't know if i'll have the Thesis Wall again but i think, maybe, i might start gathering some thoughts for the rewrite...)

#good morning & have a great day!! #asks #egr

[jeoniius]

hi !! for the request, can i have 26 + 27 w/ jungkook, fluff and college!au? hope you have fun writing !!!

Istg this was supposed to be tooth rotting fluffy before I got this idea and couldn't stop myself :). it's scary how i have an entire plotline for these two.

Kiss Me | jjk

Pairings: Jungkook × Reader

Genre: Fluff (with a teeny tiny hint of angst), college!au

Ratings: pg 13

Warning: mentions of alchohol, anxiety.

Wordcount: 1.3k

-

"So, I was thinking-"

"That's a first." you mumbled, shoving a piece of bread inside your mouth. 

"Shut up." Hoseok slapped your arm, taking the torn half of the said bread. "We should go to a club." 

"Seriously?" you turned around, facing him fully now. Mouth still full with bread, you tried to say "I am not going to a club, Hobi." 

"Wait. Listen to my plan." he held his hands up. You gave him a look and then motioned yours to let him continue. "Well, I don't have a plan exactly but you should we should go clubbing Y/N. It's been so long." 

"If you're trying to convince me then it's not working." you said, turning back to continue with your psychology thesis that is supposed to be submitted in a day. "I know. But like think about it, all of us are going to be there-"

"Hold up. You already asked everyone?" you say, concentration miraculously driving back to him. "I mean," he avoided your eyes, looking at the one boba piece which fell off earlier with great amusement. "I kinda hoped you'd say yes, if you heard everyone's going. You won't be alone, you know?"

"You know why I don't like clubbing, Hobi" you started, soon to get interrupted. "I know, I know. But that's why I'm not asking you to come alone. All our friends are gonna be there. Even Yoongi!" 

"Fine, I'll think about it" you huffed as he gave you a tigth side hug. 

-

"Ugh. I can't believe I'm doing this." you exasperated, dresses scattered all around you. "Hey, cheer up. You're gonna have fun, okay?" you heard your bestfriend through the speakers. "Thanks Leah." 

"And if you don't feel like it, tell me that second and I'll be at your service, ma'am" she said. "You don't have to do that. Let's just hope all goes well." 

Digging through your closet you finally found a club worthy dress, a black bodycon mid thigh spaghetti strapped dress, with sequins and subtle glitters all over it. Putting on the lightest makeup possible, you pulled your hair up in a sleek high ponytail, hair almost reaching your waist. "Okay, let's do this." you smiled at yourself through the mirror, red lips and hoops adding more to your look, as you nodded.

The club was just like you expected. You wouldn't say you weren't anxious from the minute you walked inside. The loud music and crowd making you wince, you pushed through them trying to locate your friends. You spotted Taehyung first, heart beating a little bit faster along with the previous anxiety, as you knew if Taehyung was here, so was his gorgeous bestfriend. 

Letting that thought go for a brief moment you searched for others, your eyes landing on them one by one. Yoongi sat at the lounge along with Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoora and Haneul. You saw Jimin at the bar with Taehyung and Hoseok, the latter flirting with a girl and although succeeding while the former duo laughing at him. You concluded some bet was going on within the three.

A little sad, you couldn’t see the one you were looking for, you heard a very familiar voice before getting pulled into a hug. "Y/N!!!" Leah screamed at your ears, pulling back with a big smile on her face. "Damn girl, you look hot." she looked you up and down. "Why are you surprised Leah? The entire campus thought Y/N was hot and that was when she was in sweats during finals." you saw a hand wrap around Leah's shoulder before you saw the face. 

Your heartbeat picked it's pace up as you saw Jungkook. Trying to calm your nerves, you gave him a smile. "Hi, Jungkook." 

"Hey, gorgeous." 

"I'm gonna let you two talk and go back to my Jinnie. Keep her busy, Jeon." Leah pushed his hands off her shoulder before winking at you and pointing her fingers at Jungkook. 

"Let's see. Never imagined I'd see you in a club." he said, guiding you towards the bar. You took a seat at the empty stool as Jungkook stood in between your legs. "Yeah. I wouldn't have come. Hobi insisted. A lot." you chuckled. 

To say you weren't feeling like throwing up was an understatement but Jungkook's presence made it a little bit better. After Jungkook gets pulled by Jimin and Namjoon in a conversation, then only your anxiety came back. Maybe a couple of drinks would help, you told yourself.

"Hey, can i have a whiskey on the rocks." you said to the bartender. You slid off the stool, standing on your feet and leaned towards the counter. "Hi, miss. Can I buy you a drink?" you heard a raspy voice from behind you, before you felt a hand slide up your waist. "No, thank you." you replied politely, pushing the hands off of your waist. 

"One wouldn't hurt, you know?" he continued. You closed your eyes, trying to calm your breathing. You definitely didn't wanna see his face. "I don't want one. I have order for myself." you said, voice shaky.

You could feel tears forming at the back of your eyes as the man continued to try and persuade you, hands caging you. Gripping his hands, you pushed him off, as you turned on your heels and walked out of the bar as soon as possible. You heard him coming behind you, before you heard a loud crash. Not turning around to watch the scene unfold, you ran out of the club. 

Holding onto one of the walls outside, you panted, as you tried to calm yourself, tears falling effortlessly. "Hey, hey" you failed to recognize the familiarity of the voice, flinching when you felt a hand grab your forearms. "It's me, Jungkook."

You looked up at him, failing to notice the blood on his knuckles, before breaking down into sobs as he pulled you to his chest. His arms went around you shoulders, your head tucked in his chest and you cried to him. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left." he patted your head as you continued to cry. 

-

"I'm sorry. I ruined your shirt." you sniffled, looking at him through the club's bathroom mirror as you tried to get of the mascara streams from your cheeks. "It's no problem. The black lines add a bling to it." he chuckled looking you. 

You both stared at each other, a comforting silence engilfing you. "I didn't mean to cry. I have a bad history at night clubs. It all came back to me you know?" you said, looking at him through the mirror. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry, Y/N." he stepped closer to you. Throwing the tissue in the trashcan you turned towards him. Before you could protest, he beat you to it. "Hey, I'm with you, okay? Always." he said, thumb caressing you cheeks. 

"You wanna dance?" he asked, one hand extended  , waiting for you to take it. "Sure." You took his hand. He smiled at both your linked hands before pulling you closer. 

You both made your way to the dance floor, a soft number starting on time. You fake gasped before narrowing your eyes at him. "Do you have magic powers? How'd you know they were gonna play this song?" 

He laughed, going along with you. "Magic powers are supposed to be a secret, Miss Y/L/N. If i tell you, it won't be a secret, now would it?" Pulling you close towards him, he wrapped his hands around your waste while you around his shoulders. 

"Why? Scared, I'll tell everyone?" you smiled, fingers playing with his hair. He leaned his head back, eyes closed before looking back at you, face inches away from your own. "Wouldn't want anyone to know." he whispered. 

"Kiss me." you whispered back, 

He smiled before capturing your lips, all your anxiety fading away as he did. 

#bts fic #btsau #jeon jungkook #bts one shot #jungkook fanfic #bts imagines #bts fanfiction #jungkook drabble #bts drabble #jungkook fluff #bts fluff #bts angst #jungkook angst #bts jungkook #jungkook #btshoneyhive #bangtanbathhouse #akademia net

[the---hermit]

Hello there! Since for some reason there is now over 1000 of you following this sideblog, and many weren't around when I first posted an introduction, I decided to create a new one. Plus in less then a month this blog will turn 1 year old! So, I guess this is a good moment to do this.

about me

my name is Cris, I'm 22, I'm bi, and I use she/her pronouns out of habit, but honestly I couldn't care less

I'm from Italy

I study history in university, and I am currently at the end of my third year (it should tecnically be my last year, but I still have a few exams left, plus my final thesis, so I will be graduating a bit later)

I have studied languages in high school so I also speak English (duh) and a bit of French (I have forgotten the majority of things I had learned in my German class, but I'd like to pick it up again)

I'm a pagan witch, I love gardening and nature in general, and one of my biggest hobbies is to dry my own herbs to mix them into herbal teas

other hobbies include reading, drawing, writing, cooking and going on walks in the woods

about the blog

this is actually a side blog! My main blog is @cri080799 it's an old mess of random reblogs.

I also have a witchy sideblog called @the-hermit-witch

I created this studyblr/bookblr/whatever last year, to help me stay motivated, and it has worked very well so far. I like to think of this blog as a journal more than everything

I mainly post about what I am studying and reading

on the topic of books I am also pretty active on Goodreads (there I post book reviews both in English and Italian depending on the language of the book I read)

I met some amazing friends thanks to this blog, and hopefully I will meet more!

goals

at the moment my main goal is the keep my motivation up as much as I can. In the past year it hasn't been the best, so I am working on that

finishing all the damn exams I still have to do

write my final thesis

hopefully graduate as soon as I can cause I really want to be done with all the stress

useful tags in the blog

#the---hermit : the tag for all my own posts

#cris speaks : mainly me ranting about stuff

#reblog : pretty self explainatory, everything I reblog from other people

#self reblog : no idea why I am mentioning this but sometimes I reblog some of my old posts and tag them this way

#tips : this is possibly the most useful tag, everything of my own or that I reblog that has study tips, or organization tips and so on

#quotes : again pretty self explainatory

#note to self : stuff I reblog that is maily positive things I should remind myself more often

#book review / #book recomendation : again pretty clear, usually it's me ranting about books I read, with no spoilers

#ask / #answered : usually how I tag the answer from my inbox (btw it's always open, so come and say hi if you want)

#random history fact : I only have a few out at the moment but there's so many little facts that are worth sharing, so keep an eye out cause there's going to be way more in the future

a few amazing studyblr of friends / mutuals I've made in this past year :

@peregrination-studies, @contre-qui , @justanotherstudyblrinthecrowd , @sage-studies .

a few studyblr that inspired me to start this sideblog :

@myhoneststudyblr,@rylie-studies , @serendistudy, @starrystvdy and @gaaandaaaalf.

I am surely forgetting about someone or about something, and for this I apologize. As I have said my inbox is always open so come say hi, I am now going to end this post or else I'll just randomly keep ranting about useless stuff.

#i am so sure i am forgetting to mention something #ANYWAY here it is new intro post #studyblr #studyinspo #introduction post #new introduction post #studyblr introduction post #bookblr #blog introduction #blog intro #mine #cris speaks #the---hermit

[stephthenewgirl]

AGTAW — I: Twila Gilbert

“Twila, did you take my dark blue leather jacket?!” Elena Gilbert strides into her sister's bedroom without a simple thing as a kick. She halts upon laying her doe brown eyes on her sister; her mouth parted and her thin brows furrowing. There her sister stood in only a bra and panties but that's not what shocked her, it was the fact that Twila was in her underwear with a boy in her room. He sat at the edge of her queen-sized bed that was covered in gray and black sheets and heavy blankets. His elbows pressing down on his lap and his back hunched over. His deep brown eyes moved to the elder Gilbert twin.

The later twin — Twila — with celerity wheeled her body around, her large hazel brown eyes aimed at her sister sharply. Her body hiding the boy behind her midway. And the somewhat naked girl's medium brown hair that fell into a sepia reddish-brown moved sweetly and nimbly stroke her neck. A rainbow stripe shirt held between her fingers — a shirt she was about to put on before Elena intruded her bedroom.

Twila briskly put the rainbow shirt on, after she tugged the shirt down, stretching out slight folds on the fabric and she stomped her way towards the elder Gilbert. Elena's doe eyes stayed fixed on the boy that sits peacefully on her little sister's bed. She disliked this — and she disliked it even more that the boy who looked so peaceful and unbothered had no shirt on.

Why doesn't he have a shirt on? Elena query herself.

“Don't you know how to kick?” Twila asked heatedly. Elena's eyes fluttered to the younger twin.

“I-I. . .” The words just wouldn't come out. Her eyes wandered to the boy on her sister's bed. Elena wanted to say ''no boys allowed in the bedroom'', she wanted to ask why Twila had no clothing on and why was he shirtless, what was happening. Elena gasped as the boy known as Clarkson sent a wink to her then frowned.

Twila pushed Elena out of her room, slamming the door in her face.

“No boys in the room, Twila!” Elena finally found her voice.

“You're not my fucking mother, Elena!!” Twila waits to hear the footsteps of her sister walking away. It did not take long. Today, Elena had no energy to lecture her. Twila was grateful. She twirled back around, walking towards the end of her bed.

“Will, that was a show.” Clarkson Forsyth spoke, a lopsided smirk on his soft pink lips. Twila mocked smiled at the boy, picked up his black tee off her bed then threw it at him, hitting his face.

“Yeah, you would think that.” Their giggles bounded off the four walls. “Hurry up. Martin and Vera are picking us up in sixteen.” Twila told the boy as she made her way into her closet and yanked a pair of pants off the hanger.

“So should I hop out the window and wait for you outside?” Clarkson said, standing from the bed, the black shirt in his hold as he goes. He flipped the shirt over and slid his arms in the sleeves then pulled the shirt over his head and pulled it down over his body. Twila stepped out of the closet wearing dark blue loose jeans and held two pairs of black sneakers in her hand. She walked towards her bed, displaying a frown on her face.

“What? No.” Twila sits down at the end of her bed and pulls out the socks she tucked into her sneakers. “I'm fucking hungry, and I know you are too.” Twila slipped the sneakers on her feet and tied them up.

“I just don't want to start—” Clarkson started, taking small steps towards the Gilbert girl.

“Clark, you've been my best friend since kindergarten. My family knows you and Aunt Jenna is cool, and she likes you. You're not going to start anything. . .” Once she finished tying her shoelaces, Twila looked over to the obsidian hair strong-jawed boy. “. . . Okay.”

Clarkson chortle. “Yeah, okay.”

Twila nods slightly with a smile. “Okay.” She pushed herself off the bed. “Don't mind Elena, she's just being a prude. Elena's been all big-sister ever since mom and dad passed. The girl is only four minutes older than me but that is a mile for her.”

Clarkson cracks a tiny smile. “How are you feeling, anyway?”

Twila was quiet for a second, thinking of what to say. She looked up at her best friend and greeted him with a sad smile.

“Getting better. Can't do anything but get better. The world goes on.” Twila gives him a longer smile that forcefully reaches her cheeks. Clarkson pulls her into a hug. It took a while for Twila to react back, but she did; wrapping her arms around him tightly.

“Thanks — for being here for me. I didn't know what I would have done without you last night.”

It was late at night when the boy called, gasping with sobs and in need of his best friend. Twila immediately told him to come over. She sat up on her bed and rubbed her sleep away, awaiting his arrival. Finally arriving at the Gilbert home, Twila hugged him and listened to his recent problems with his father as he cried on her shoulder. Twila did not mind — Clarkson was there for her when her parents passed; even invited her to crash in his room when she did not feel like being at Caroline's. After his tears dried out, they watched Buffy together on her baby-blue-covered laptop — forgetting about the sadness as they laughed away.

“Of course, Clark. I will always be here for you.” Twila pulled from the hug, her hands clasping his biceps tenderly then she gave him a fast smile. “Now get off of me,” She pushed him jocosely. “C'mon, I'm starved.” Clarkson chortled with a head shake; the two grab their belongings and head downstairs.

Twila and Clarkson dumped their belongings on the sofa before passing the threshold into the kitchen. The gold sunlight streamed through the square window; the silhouette of the window slept on the kitchen Island and kissed Jeremy's naked arm.

“Good morning, Gilbert family!!.” Twila smiled wide at her family that was diffuse around the kitchen area.

“Morning, Twila,” Aunt Jenna says softly, tipping her head back from the refrigerator door, welcoming Twila back with a duplicate smile. Her eyesight moved to the boy beside her niece. “Oh, hey Clark. I didn't know you were here.”

“Yeah, I hope you don't mind. Just needed my best friend last night.”

“Oh, nonsense,” Jenna waves him off. “You are welcome anytime. Would you like some toast?”

Twila's eyes instantly widened, jerking her head from side to side, “Oh, no. I'm making waffles. Don't need you having us eating rocks, Aunt Jenna.”

“Not rocks, Twila. Just burnt toast.” The kitchen erupted with laughter for everyone's lips — even Jeremy's. The boy who had been in the dump all summer, spending his time with Vicki Donovan and drug heads. Both Gilbert twins were happy to hear him laugh again; they haven't heard it in a while. Elena shook her head in the corner with a smile and a mug in her hands. After, she pulled it closer to her lips, taking a sip. “Who needs lunch money?”

“Here!” Both Twila and Jeremy raised their hands, shouting.

“Elena?” Jenna walked to her bag that sits on the chair at the dinner table.

“No thanks, Aunt Jenna.”

“Okay.” The strawberry blond rummaged through her bag, pulling out three twenty-dollar bills. “Here you go.” Jenna handed Jeremy and Clarkson each a twenty.

“Oh no Jenna, you don't have to,” Clarkson says, declining the money.

“I know, I want to. So take the money.”

“Take the money!” Twila yelled, not sparing a glance over her shoulders. Her eyes were fixed on the waffles, she didn't want them to burn like Aunt Jenna does every time she cooks something.

“Yeah, or I'll take it.” Jeremy playfully stood up acting as if he was honestly going to, Aunt Jenna pushed him back on his seat.

“Sit down.” She told the boy. “Take it.” She utters to Clarkson, pushing it at his crest.

“Okay, okay. . . Thanks, Jenna.”

“No problem. Twila, yours is on the table.”

“Thanks, Jenna.”

“Don't you have a big presentation today?” Elena reminds the young caretaker.

“I'm meeting with my thesis advisor at. . .” Jenna glanced down at her watch and freaked, “Now. Crap!”

“Then go. We'll be fine.” Jenna nodded at Elena, she quickly put her hair up in a ponytail with a rubber band then grabbed her bag, and dashed out the side door.

Twila plopped the last waffle on top of the rest. Elena walked towards her sister, standing beside her.

“Why was Clarkson in your room?” Elena inquired.

The sepia brunette twisted her neck to her twin. “Because he came over last night.”

“Why?”

“Because he needed a friend, Elena. You know, like how Bonnie comes over when she needs you.”

“Bonnie's not a boy.”

Twila's brows narrowed down and her eyelids batted. She can't believe what Elena was saying to her right now. She angles her body, facing her sister.

“Elena, you know Clark for as long I've been friends with him.”

“Doesn't mean he's not a boy.”

Twila turned away from Elena; grabbing the pleat of waffles, she was done with this exchange. Before she walked off she targeted her big brown hazel eyes at her sister once more.

“I don't know when you've become such a wet blanket but stop with the mothering act. I can have whoever I want in my room.”Twila let Elena know, leaving her there speechless.

Twila was wordless while she ate her waffles, Jeremy and Clarkson on the other hand talked as if they were in a club meeting. The conversation with Elena left a sour taste in her mouth, she still enjoyed her waffles of course, but she was upset. Her big brown hazel eyes glared at her twin as she asked Jeremy a simple question: if he was okay. She snickers at Jeremy's response and rolled her eyes when Elena glanced at her with a confused pouty face.

Elena folds her arms and walks off from the three teens, not soon later Twila's phone buzzes. A text from Vera telling Twila she and Martin were outside. A small smile pulls at her perfect lips as she stares at the screen. Twila slides the phone back into her pocket and sights her eyes on her brother and best friend.

“Vera and Martin's outside.” Clarkson got the hint. He hopped off the stool, grabbing his pleat and then Twila's. She gave him a soft thank you. “Need a ride, Jer?”

“Sure.” Jeremy got off the stool taking his dish, going towards the sink. Clark and Jeremy end up in a —you go first, I go first— situation. Jeremy stepped aside letting Clarkson pass. Clark smiled up at him shyly. Twila looked at him with a knowing smile, and he ignored her smug look while he walked to the living room area grabbing his book bag on the sofa.

Twila walked up behind Clarkson, playfully bumping into him. “Oh, I'm sorry. You first. No, you go first. I go left, you go right? Oh, um. . . okay.” Twila laughed at her dramatic imitation of Jeremy and Clarkson's exchange in the kitchen.

“Ssh, shut up. He could hear you.” He whispered to the girl over his shoulder.

Twila rolls her eyes, “Oh, please.” She grins and moves from behind him, going to grab her book bag also. Clarkson shook his head, letting out a stressful sigh. Hoping Jeremy didn't hear his sister mocking.

“Come on, Jer!”

“Coming!” He placed the wet dish on the dish rack and rushed his way out of the kitchen grabbing his book bag on the chair head. “Hey Vera, Martin.” Jeremy greets his sister's two best friends. Vera is a square face, soft beige skin brunette with deep-set dark brown eyes. Her brows were black-filled and straight. Her hair was black and short in a pixie rat tail cut, her bangs were cut right above her eyebrows, and two long strips of black hair fell just under her chin on each side of her face.

“Hey, Jeremy.” Vera greeted back.

Martin was an almond skin boy with long brown hair and a handsome diamond-shaped face. His eyes are hooded, small, and brown. Martin is Vera's half-brother and was Twila's boyfriend of two years, now ex-boyfriend but still great friends.

“S'up, Jeremy. How's it been?” Martin made conversation.

“Okay. How about you?”

“Fan-fuckin-tastic. I got this new skateboard from my dad. It—”

“Please, stop talking about the skateboard. No one cares, Martin.” Vera twists her head briskly at her brother before aiming her sights back at the road.

“You're just mad I'm better than you.” Martin retorted.

“Ha! Better than me? Jokes. . . That was a funny joke.”

“You—”

“Please, can you turn on the radio? Don't need to hear your brother-sister bickering.” Jeremy and Clarkson chuckle at Twila's insult. Vera rolled her eyes yet she did what was told and made a turn; passing The Mystic Grill. The song WANNABE by Spice Girls blasted throughout the dark blue color car.

Vera, Clarkson, and Twila belled along with the song. Martin and Jeremy had no choice but to tolerate the ordeal of their boisterous singing.

“So, here's a story from A to Z. You wanna get with me, you gotta listen carefully. We got Em in the place who likes it in your face.” Twila bells.

“You got G like MC who likes it on a. Easy V doesn't come for free, she's a real lady. And as for me?” Vera follows.

“HA, YOU'LL SEE.” The three teens yell from the top of their lungs like a banshee's cry.

“C'mon guys.” An annoyed Jeremy wailed.

Martin's eyes traveled from the backseat to his sister. “Yeah, guys cut it off.”

“Slam your body down and wind it all around! Slam your body down and zig-a-zig ah!” They laughed at how irked the two boys were.

Twila pushed herself off her seat, her lips went to Martin's ear. “If you wanna be my lover!” Twila ear-splittingly sings.

Martin slapped his hand against his ear, “Twila, what the fuck!”

“You gotta get with my friend!” Vera sings.

“Friendships last forever!” Clarkson followed along.

“Friendship never eennnnds!” The three belled.

“That's not how it goes.”

“I don't give a shit, Martin. Now, get out of my car. We're here.” The long-haired boy rolled his eyes and pushed the car door open; he stepped out. The four other kids in the car followed shortly after.

“So — the boy had to sleep with her friends to be considered her lover?” Jeremy queried his eldest sister.

“That's not the message of the song, Jer.”

“Well, that's what it said.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Hey, Jeremy.” Vicki Donovan smiled making her way to Jeremy.

Jeremy copies and greets her back. “Hey, V.”

“Twila.” She uttered, moving her eyes to Twila.

“Victoria.” Twila gave a faint smile. Vicki and Twila were once good friends. They got especially close when Elena and Matt started dating but had a fallout this summer when she started to use her baby brother for his prescription pills and sleeping with him to avoid her own screwed-up life.

“Okay, let's go bitc—” Vera stops when her eyes set on Vicki Donovan. “Speaking of bitch.” Her hip cocked out, her fingers tucked into the back of her blue denim jeans pockets.

Vicki's mouth agape and her brows knitted. Her lips hastily retrieve with a curl and a scoff. Vera took hold of Twila's wrist, pulling the girl away from Vicki.

“See ya, Jeremy.” She said as the group of friends part ways from the young boy and ex-friend. “I still can't believe you allow him to be around her.”

“There are certain things I can tell Jeremy to do and certain things I could. He's hard-headed like that.” Twila explained with a shrug.

Lunch came fast for Twila. She had six-period lunch and had Mr. Tanner after. She was tired and glad the school day was almost over. Then she remembered she had to help Caroline with picking out some fresh faces for the new year try-outs after school. Great. She sighed.

“You look exhausted,” Vera slid, sitting down on the curved seat. She set her tray on the round cafeteria table. Today's lunch is a ham sandwich, chicken nuggets, apple, and a side of salads with a dressing of your choice and beverage. The food at Mystic Falls High wasn't so bad.

“I am.” Twila pushes her hair back, fingers gripping her hair softly. “I just wanted to go home after school and have a nice bubble bath, but I have try-out picking to do after school.” She wailed and pouted. Twila felt like sobbing, she truly needed and wanted that bubble bath.

“Aww, don't be so down, Twila. I'm sure you'll be fine.” Vera grabs a hold of her sandwich, taking a big bite.

“Let me detail it for you.” Twila leans forward, her hair falling as she moves her fingers and locks her big eyes with Vera's deep-set ones. “I'm try-out picking after school — with Caroline.”

“Ohh. . .” Vera sees the problem now.

Twila smiled tightly and her eyes squinted a bit and a little hum leaving her lips. Her smile says: now you get it. “It's going to be hell.”

“Aww, Twila. I'll be there for you.” Vera's mouth was occupied by food, she kept her teeth locked while her lips moved. The words came out muffled. Twila smiled anyway.

“You will?” Twila's lower lip pushes out.

Vera nods and speaks after swallowing. “If you need me, of course.”

“Aww, thanks,” The short-haired brunette joined her palm on top of Vera's hand. “But I can't do that to you.” She removed her hand, stealing Vera's apple. “I'll go through the belly of the beast on my own.” She takes a bit of the apple. Vera laughed.

“The belly of what beast?” Clarkson arrives, taking a spot next to Vera; Martin follows beside him.

Vera's eyes travel to the raven-haired boy. “Caroline.” She informed him.

“What about Caroline?” Martin questioned.

“I've got some fresh cheerleaders to pick out with Caroline after school.”

“Oh.” Clarkson and Martin mumble. Twila nods at the boys, chewing through the green apple.

Martin swallows down his food with water before speaking. “Aren't you co-captain? Can't you just do it another time?”

“No.” She placed the apple down on the table. “I'll just get it over with.”

“Clarkson, where were you last night?!” Barbie Forsyth asked, approaching the small group. Clarkson eyed up his sister. She stood with her hands at her hips.

“At Twila's.” He answered honestly. Barbie's eyes went to Twila; they had a squint to them.

“Of course.” She scoffed, shifting her eyes back at her brother.

The bottled blonde — Barbie Forsyth — never had a good relationship with Twila Josephine Gilbert. Ever since Twila ruined Barbie's gingerbread house in elementary school; just because she wanted a piece. And the other time they were partnered up in a history project. Barbie had done all the work and Twila just plastered her name on the paper. But those weren't the reasons why Barbie didn't like the big-eyed Gilbert all that well. For as long as she could remember, Clarkson and Twila were inseparable. She always felt like Twila was more of Clarkson's sister than she ever was.

“Why were you at her house?”

“I, uh. . . I needed someone to talk to.”

Barbie's head jerked forward. Unbelievable, she thought. “You could have talked to me.” Her light green eyes stayed on her brother; it made Clarkson feel guilty the way they were intensely piercing at him. Her eyelids blinked and she rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I wanted to speak to you last night.”

“Okay. . . What?”

Barbie glanced at Twila, who like everyone else at the table was focused on them. Barbie looked back at her brother. “Not here in front of her.” She yanked the boy, pulling him off his seat and away from the group.

Vera chortle, aiming her sight on Twila. “I'm guessing she still hates you for not doing the history project in middle school.”

“Ha, guessing?” Martin uttered. “It's a known fact she does.”

Twila laughed along with her friends, brushing down the fact that deep down she felt awful that her best friend's sister hated her for something she did in middle school. Not knowing that Barbie didn't dislike her because of some petty school project issue, the bottled blonde felt like Twila took her brother from her.

“Once our home state of Virginia joined the confederacy in 1861, it created a tremendous amount of tension within the state. People in Virginia's northwest region had different ideals than those from the traditional deep south. Then Virginia divided in 1863 with the northwest region joining the union.”

In the back corner of the room, Twila sat near the large windows. Mr. Tanner's voice was inaudible to her ears as she doodled in her history book. Through the windows, the evening sun rays hit the desk of students and the classroom floor. One golden glint shimmers comfortably on Twila's hair. A rainbow hues sat at her open history book, making Twila stop her hand movement. She admired the reflection of the colorful lights. Rainbows are one of Twila's favorable things about nature. Rainbows and heavy rain on a lazy afternoon, but she always hated the after smell. It always smelled of wet soil and moist greens.

Her large eyes wandered to the windows, it landed on the tree just outside Ms. Tanner's classroom. A crow sitting perfectly inanimate, as if it was a statue.

It was larger than most. Its feathers pitch as black but the little sunlight that hits its feathers shine a rainbow on it. It was sleek and had greedy dark claws and a sharp beak. Its black eyes glittered, and they were fixed on Elena; the brunette that sits two rolls down from Twila.

Twila watched the crow leer at her twin with this inclination in its eyes. Like how boys' eyes linger on a girl wearing tight clothes; those tops that pop out their cleavage or dresses that outline their bodies.

It was creepy, to say the least.

Then its dark eyes blink at Twila. The girl flinched back a bit, her eyes got broader, but they stayed on the bird. It was like the bird was challenging her; playing with her. A game of who would look away first.

The school bell boom, Twila flinched once more. Her eyes flutter to the front of the classroom seeing everyone packing up.

She lost.

Twila stood up, grabbing her book bag along, and followed her way out the room behind the crowd of teenagers. The short brunette sauntered her way through the crowded hall; she made a right, passing four classroom doors before reaching the staircase. She walked four flights of stairs down, landing on the first floor she went to her locker, putting and taking some of her things then — to Caroline she went.

Twila walked through the football field towards the concern the school gave the cheerleaders to practice. Her eyes gazed at the wannabe cheerleaders of all ages and sizes perfecting their moves. It brought a smile to her face.

Until Caroline spoke.

“Ugh, there you are.” The blonde's voice reached Gilbert's. Twila rolled her eyes. Always Caroline, the extra control Queen.

“Hello to you too, Care.” Twila drops her bag on the green cut grass. “Let's get this over with, shall we?” Some in the flock of wannabe cheerleaders chortle.

Caroline narrows her light bluish-green eyes before throwing Twila a mocked cheesy grin. The blonde pulled the sheet of paper to her eyesight. “Okay, first off you are going to be asked some questions — okay.” The group nods. “Okay, any of you guys have experience with cheerleading? Like gymnastics, dance, or have ever cheered before? If you have, raise your hand.” Caroline nods and marks it down. Caroline glanced to her side, “You want to say something, or are just going to stand there. Co-captain.”

Twila steps forward with a smirk. “All who have experienced step forward, those who don't. Please take a seat at the bleachers.” They followed their orders and Twila continued. “Now I want you all to show me what you've got. Jump, tumble, split, dance? Whatever you've got.”

The fourteen that step forward show Caroline and Twila what they could bring to the team. Both girls watched with sharp eyes. Twila had nicely commented on one girl who intended to do a cartwheel backflip after Caroline rudely told her she shouldn't try it again.

Twila told her she should. She did and succeeded. It was much better the second time around.

Throughout the try-out, Caroline rolled her eyes, scoffed, and scored the wannabe cheerleaders. Twila on the other hand praised and nicely Judged their performance. But she had snickered here and there with the blonde.

“Okay, we are done.” Twila was glad. “Those who made the team will be getting an email in two days and those who didn't,” Caroline sucked air through her teeth. “Too bad.” She shines her big smile, “Okay, bye.”

It was late afternoon and the sun cast a golden shadow upon the sky and Twila didn't care that it was four something when she got home, she was just happy she got her bubble bath. Her arms rest on the top edge of the tub and her hair held up by a black hair claw. She relaxed peacefully in the warm water and the smell of cinnamon, she bathed in the quietness. That was until Elena ruined it.

“Elena!” Twila shouts at her sister that breaks into the bathroom.

“Sorry,” Elena says. “Bleeding.” She put her foot on top of the toilet cover and rolled the bottom of her jeans up.

Twila looked down seeing the dry blood, “What happened?”

“I fell in the cemetery when I was running from a crow.

“Running from a crow?” It's brought a chill down Twila back. Her mind wondered if it could be the same crow watching her from the tree outside Ms. Tanner's window. No, she's just being paranoid.

“Yes.” Elena rolled down the leg of her jeans after cleaning the scraps on her leg and putting on a bandage.

“What were you doing at the cemetery?”

Elena put her foot down on the bathroom ground, sighed, and sat down on the bath cover. “I went to see mom and dad.”

Twila rolled her pretty eyes. “But you didn't see them, did you? You went to see a stone with their names plastered on it.” Twila's fingers wave in the bubble, playing with them. It was stupid for Elena to go see a piece of rock with their parent's names on it. It wasn't gonna bring them back, She thought, nothing was gonna bring them back.

Elena sighs and brushes her hair back. “I'm going to the grill, you want to come?”

“No thanks,” Twila looks over her shoulder. “I had a long day, I'm just gonna relax at home.”

The elder's twin nods, “Okay.” Elena left the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Twila fell back to the bath and relaxed once again.

A.N— Maine focus characters & Twila's outfit

#tvd fanfiction #vampire diaries fanfiction #vampire diaries x reader #damon salvatore x oc #elena gilbert #bonnie bennett #salvatore brothers #stefan salvatore

[duckiereads]

#Miraculous May Round Up Week 1

I saw that @booksandrandomfandoms was hosting a Miraculous May Book Photo Challenge and I thought this would be a really easy way for me to do my weekly posts while I have some personal stuff on top of my thesis. I'm doing weekly round-ups of photos because I can't be trusted to do daily anything. :')

Summaries for Single Books are from Publisher/Author sites. I didn't include summaries for the group photos to keep the post from getting longer than it already was.

If any of these interest you and if you are able, please support your favorite independent bookstores when purchasing these and other books!

05/01: SPOTS ON! - TBR

Books Pictured (From Left to Right):

Comics and Sequential Art - Will Eisner

Ninth House - Leigh Bardugo

Chasing Shadows - Swati Avasthi

On Beauty - Zadie Smith

The Starless Sea - Erin Morgenstern

The Black Veins - Ashia Monet

Mooncakes - Wendy Xu and Suzanne Walker

The Good Luck Girls - Charlotte Nicole Davis

Drawing Words and Writing Pictures by

Odd One Out - Nic Stone

On Bottom Shelf:

Isiah Dunn is My Hero - Kelly Baptist

His Hideous Heart - Edited: Dahlia Adler

05/02: Tikki - Bug on the Cover

The Virtue of Sin by Shannon Schuren

Note: the current paperback edition does NOT use this cover

Miriam lives in New Jerusalem, a haven in the desert far away from the sins and depravity of the outside world. Within the gates of New Jerusalem, and under the eye of its founder and leader, Daniel, Miriam knows she is safe. Cared for. Even if she’s forced, as a girl, to quiet her tongue when she has thoughts she wants to share, Miriam knows that New Jerusalem is a far better life than any alternative. So when God calls for a Matrimony, she’s thrilled; she knows that Caleb, the boy she loves, will choose her to be his wife and they can finally start their life together. But when the ceremony goes wrong and Miriam winds up with someone else, she can no longer keep quiet. For the first time, Miriam begins to question not only the rules that Daniel has set in place, but also what it is she believes in, and where she truly belongs. Alongside unexpected allies, Miriam fights to learn–and challenge–the truth behind the only way of life she’s ever known, even if it means straying from the path of Righteousness.

05/04: Plagg - Sly Characters

Dangerous Girls by Abigail Haas

Friends for life. Or death. Spring break. Aruba. Swimming, sunshine, and golden beaches. It was supposed to be the best time of Anna’s life. Paradise. But then the unthinkable happens. Anna’s best friend is found brutally murdered. And when the local police begin to investigate the gruesome crime, suspicion falls on one person—Anna. They think she’s dangerous, and they’re determined to prove her guilt. With the police and media sparking a witch-hunt against her, Anna is running out of time to prove her innocence. But as she digs deeper into her friend’s final moments, she finds a tangled web of secrets, lies and betrayal. Will she clear her name in time?

Note: This book is now published as "I'll Never Tell."

05/04: Sass - Do Over

Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver

Samantha Kingston has it all: the world's most crush-worthy boyfriend, three amazing best friends, and first pick of everything at Thomas Jefferson High—from the best table in the cafeteria to the choicest parking spot. Friday, February 12, should be just another day in her charmed life. Instead, it turns out to be her last. Then she gets a second chance. Seven chances, in fact. Reliving her last day during one miraculous week, she will untangle the mystery surrounding her death—and discover the true value of everything she is in danger of losing.

Note: When I got this book signed, Lauren Oliver looked at me and asked: Have you read this book? And I told her yes. She let out a relieved sigh. "Okay," she said, "cause if you hadn't, I usually give a warning that Sam starts out as a major bitch and sometimes people don't like her because of that and I wanted to make sure you were prepared." Reader, this is your warning. :'D

05/05: Daizzi - Pink Books

Books Pictured (From Top to Bottom):

The Princess Diaries - Meg Cabot

The Merciless - Danielle Vega

Queens of Geek - Jenn Wilde

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

Everything Leads to You - Nina LaCour

Pride - Ibi Zoboi

Only to Good Spy Young - Ally Carter

I'm Not Your Manic Pixie Dream Girl - Gretchen McNeil

05/06: Trixx - Shape Shifters

Red Hood - Elana K Arnold

You are alone in the woods, seen only by the unblinking yellow moon. Your hands are empty. You are nearly naked. And the wolf is angry. Since her grandmother became her caretaker when she was four years old, Bisou Martel has lived a quiet life in a little house in Seattle. She’s kept mostly to herself. She’s been good. But then comes the night of homecoming, when she finds herself running for her life over roots and between trees, a fury of claws and teeth behind her. A wolf attacks. Bisou fights back. A new moon rises. And with it, questions. About the blood in Bisou’s past and on her hands as she stumbles home. About broken boys and vicious wolves. About girls lost in the woods—frightened, but not alone.

05/07: Akuma - Plot Twist

Plot twist or expert reveal, I don't care. My jaw was on the ground when I finished this one.

Warcross - Marie Lu

For the millions who log in every day, Warcross isn’t just a game—it’s a way of life. The obsession started ten years ago and its fan base now spans the globe, some eager to escape from reality and others hoping to make a profit. Struggling to make ends meet, teenage hacker Emika Chen works as a bounty hunter, tracking down Warcross players who bet on the game illegally. But the bounty-hunting world is a competitive one, and survival has not been easy. To make some quick cash, Emika takes a risk and hacks into the opening game of the international Warcross Championships—only to accidentally glitch herself into the action and become an overnight sensation. Convinced she’s going to be arrested, Emika is shocked when instead she gets a call from the game’s creator, the elusive young billionaire Hideo Tanaka, with an irresistible offer. He needs a spy on the inside of this year’s tournament in order to uncover a security problem . . . and he wants Emika for the job. With no time to lose, Emika’s whisked off to Tokyo and thrust into a world of fame and fortune that she’s only dreamed of. But soon her investigation uncovers a sinister plot, with major consequences for the entire Warcross empire.

05/08: Fluff - Time Travel

The Girl from Everywhere - Heidi Heilig

Nix’s life began in Honolulu in 1868. Since then she has traveled to mythic Scandinavia, a land from the tales of One Thousand and One Nights, modern-day New York City, and many more places both real and imagined. As long as he has a map, Nix’s father can sail his ship, The Temptation, to any place, any time. But now he’s uncovered the one map he’s always sought—1868 Honolulu, before Nix’s mother died in childbirth. Nix’s life—her entire existence—is at stake. No one knows what will happen if her father changes the past. It could erase Nix’s future, her dreams, her adventures . . . her connection with the charming Persian thief, Kash, who’s been part of their crew for two years. If Nix helps her father reunite with the love of his life, it will cost her her own.

05/09: Xuppu - Yellow Books

Books Listed from (Top to Bottom)

Mirage - Somaiya Daud

Permanent Record - Mary H.K. Choi

The Deadly Sister - Eliot Schrefer

Star Wars: Queen's Shadow - E. K. Johnston

05/10: Pollen - Books and Nature

The Tea Dragon Society - Katie O'Neill

From K. O'Neill, the award-winning author of Princess Princess Ever After comes THE TEA DRAGON SOCIETY, the beloved and charming all-ages book that follows the story of Greta, a blacksmith apprentice, and the people she meets as she becomes entwined in the enchanting world of tea dragons. After discovering a lost tea dragon in the marketplace, Greta learns about the dying art form of tea dragon care-taking from the kind tea shop owners, Hesekiel and Erik. As she befriends them and their shy ward, Minette, Greta sees how the craft enriches their lives—and eventually her own.

And that's a wrap on this week's post! I forgot how fun it was to take book photos! I may even go put these on instagram! <3

#miraculous may bpc #miraculous may #booklr #book recs #book photo challenge #book photography #bookworm #bookblr #jane austen #lauren oliver #katie o'neill #ek johnston #miraculous ladybug #meg cabot #marie lu #leigh bardugo #erin morgenstern

[buckyswheezes]

Cruel Summer (Pt. 1/2)

Premise: Steve was 7, Bucky was 6, and you were 4 when you became family. And it was in the summer of your last year in high school when things started to change.

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes / What doesn't kill me makes me want you more

author's note: First of all, this did not go the way I planned it to. Second, I was wrong; this isn't one-shot but a two-shot fic. Finally, I hope you guys like it. Again, @lokisblackwidow's post made me do this. Sorry if it's different from what you expected it to be.

warning: this fic contains cursing, sexual shit, and incest. Read at your own risk

It's been 15 years since your family moved to New York to start anew. The concrete jungle, skyscrapers, and bustling broadway shows were a stark contrast to California's tropical and easy-going nature. You were too young, though, to notice such things because you were just three years old at the time and mostly spent your time confused because you haven't seen your mom in a long time.

It's only been dad and your brother Steve for weeks now, and both didn't know how to tie your hair the way you like or read those bedtime stories you loved so much. Years later, you finally realized why -she died. The next thing you knew, you have a new mom and a new brother. It's been that way since.

"How's the college application going?" Steve's gruff voice came from the ongoing Facetime.

"I haven't had my breakfast. Can I please have my breakfast first?" You replied, annoyed. You didn't want to be reminded of that first thing in the morning. You slumped down on the seat beside your mom, and she handed you a cup of freshly brewed coffee. "Thanks, mom," You muttered.

Your dad sat on the other side of the table, flipping through the day's paper, and beside him sat Bucky, stuffing his face with bacon, completely ignoring the chaos around him. The empty seat beside him was where Steve sat (when he's home, that is, which was rare nowadays), but the tablet with his huge face plastered in it was placed on the space on the table, so it felt as if you were all still having breakfast together.

"Ooh, someone's grumpy."

"I'm gonna beat your ass when you get home." You threatened.

"Well, joke's on you 'cause I'm not."

"You're not?" Mom frowned.

Steve shifted to look at her. "I took a summer course this year, Biostats. It'll help with my thesis."

"You sure you're not just fonduing with Maryland girls in the summer?"

"Shut up, Buck. You're the playboy in the family, not me."

"Alright, boys!" Your mom chastised then turned to Steve again. "Well, you take care, and if you need anything, just give us a call."

"Will do."

Steve attended Johns Hopkins University -unarguably one of the best universities in America when it comes to Medicine. He'd always wanted to be a doctor, and even though he never said it, you knew it was because of your biological mom. He could've gotten into Harvard, but like you, Steve itched to get out of New York for a change of environment. It was only Bucky who didn't want to go anywhere, and so he attended NYU.

You love New York, no doubt about that. You grew up exploring its Burroughs, and the Central Park had been a staple in your formative years, but lately, you just wanted to get away from all of it. Recently, something changed, and you convinced yourself that it was because it's your last year in high school and you will be going to college soon.

But you knew there was something else. Well, maybe it was also because you turned 18 early this year, you're legal now, and with your going to college on the other side of the coast, you were excited to have a bit of freedom. CalArts was your first choice, being into Performing Arts and all that. Now, your parents weren't painfully strict, but being the youngest and only girl in the family, they couldn't help but be a little protective.

When Steve went to Baltimore two years ago, you were quite relieved. You get it; you're his only sister, but the way he used to hover around and scare away boys grated your nerves. You were just thankful that by sophomore year, he was gone. He'd passed on the mantle to Bucky, but he didn't really care -well, not as much as Steve did.

"Dad, don't forget you're picking me up later after school. I can't be late for my rehearsal." You reminded. Across the table, your old man's jaw dropped.

"I'm sorry, honey, was that today?"

"Uhh yeah, you forgot already?"

"Sorry, it slipped my mind, honey. How about you pick her up, Buck?" He turned to your step-brother.

"What?!" You shrieked in unison.

"I can't. I have stuff to do." He whined. You roll your eyes at his lame excuse.

"No, it's fine. I'll just ask Peter to come with me."

"Who's he, your new boyfriend?" Bucky spat.

You glared at him across the table. "No, he's not. I don't even have a boyfriend; you and Steve made sure of that." You downed the last of your coffee before shooting daggers at him once more. "Don't pick me up. Go do your stuff."

"Bucky…" It was mom's turn to speak.

"Fine!" He grumbled.

————

"Bye, Peter. See you around!" You stood up from the bench where you and your friend sat as soon as you saw Bucky drove up the school's entrance.

You don't know what your step-brother's problem was, but lately, he'd been nothing but irritable and annoyed, especially with your presence. You didn't wait for him to call you, so you jogged as quickly as you could across the schoolyard, silently climbing on the passenger seat as soon you reached where he pulled over.

You cast a wary glance at him; he didn't speak to you since you got on. He didn't even acknowledge your presence. His jaw was set, and he was intent on ignoring you, it seems, for the duration of the ride.

You and Bucky weren't always like this. You two were close; you played a lot when you were kids, you built forts, you wrestled, you chased each other with whatever gooey stuff you put your little hands on. Over the years, he became distant. You'd started to feel distant when Bucky and Steve entered junior high -you just couldn't relate to the stuff they talk about anymore. You're still very close with Steve, but with Bucky, he just drifted further away, especially when you entered high school. Bucky was only two years ahead, so you always saw him around during your freshman year. He was very popular, it seems. Senior girls used to befriend you in hopes of getting close to your step-brother.

You couldn't take it any more of his animosity, so you fully faced him, shifting in your seat. "Have I done something wrong, Buck?"

He looked at you incredulously for a second before turning his attention back on the road.

Annoyed at his lack of response, you hit his shoulder with your fist.

"What the hell y/n! I'm driving. Do you want us to die?!" He growled.

You retreated back to your seat, feeling remorseful for a second. Only for a second, then you burst out crying. "I hate you! I wish you're not my brother!"

You heard him chuckle, but he obviously wasn't amused. "Yeah, wish you weren't my sister too."

———

Bucky was in his last year in high school when he noticed it. He was waiting outside the school library because you said you needed to borrow a book before the two of you go home.

When Steve went off to college, he promised he'd look after you. He noticed firsthand how guys from all grade levels flock to you, hoping they'd catch your attention. Now, Bucky knew what these guys really want, and that's to get in your pants. Over his dead body would he allow that to transpire. So you two always walked home together.

He craned his neck to peek through the giant doors, wondering what's taking you long when he saw you chatting with a guy. His brows furrowed while his lips formed a thin, grim line.

Your smile reached your ears, your eyes glistened in obvious delight, and your cheeks flushed. Your shy gaze was directed at the guy in front of you.

Bucky frowns even more, when the guy ruffled your hair, a gesture that only he has the right to do (he believes). He felt a vein in his head pop in irritation. He felt like punching someone.

"Hey, Buck, let's go!" You chimed, pulling him out of his murderous thoughts.

"Who were you talking to?"

"Oh, that's Stephen. A junior in the dance club." You almost giggled.

"Huh." He scoffed.

The next time he noticed it happen was when he stayed around to watch your cheer dance rehearsals. Your skimpy cheerleader outfit didn't leave much to the imagination; that's why he decided to hover around, ready to pounce on whoever looked at you the funny.

Bucky looked away for a second to glance at his phone when screams filled the schoolyard. The next thing he knew, you were in the air -free-falling. He ran as fast as his feet could take him to catch you, his heart pounding in his ears. Fortunately, someone was there to catch you before you hit the ground.

You fell on top of the guy -Stephen. He gritted his teeth, half-annoyed, half-grateful at the piece of shit. He saw how you stayed on top of him for a few seconds more; furiously blushing. The moment he reached you, Bucky yanked you up and from the guy's body.

"You okay?" He fussed, searching your body for any sign of injury.

"I'm fine, Buck. Stephen caught me." You bit your lip as you shyly looked back at the guy. "Umm, thanks again."

"Yeah, thanks, man," Bucky grumbled, pulling you away from the group.

The way your body rested on another guy just didn't sit well with him. Once again, he felt like punching someone, and that someone is Stephen. He hated the way the guy was always around you. Bucky was sure what his motive was, and he'll never let him get it.

"I want ice cream." You muttered later that afternoon on your way home.

Bucky scoffed at your request. "What are you, five?"

You stopped walking and faced him, a pout on your lips. "Steve always buys me ice cream."

"Well, I'm not Steve."

"Please, I fell off someone's shoulder and almost hit my head. What if I died?"

"What has that got to do with ice cream?"

"I hate you. You're the worst brother, ever."

Bucky chuckled at your antics; he knew you didn't mean it. You just say that to get what you want because when you were kids, Steve and he used to compete for the Best Brother Award. "Fine." He conceded with a smile. He grabbed your grabbed, and you both ran to the nearest ice cream parlor, ordering one big bowl of banana split sundae and stuffing your faces.

Bucky's whole body tensed when your moans filled your ears. He didn't mind it back then, you were young and innocent, but now, Bucky couldn't ignore the sound spilling from your mouth. Sweat dripped down his nape.

This isn't right.

Your moans seem to ring louder in his ears. The way you licked your spoon clean was not helping his situation either. Bucky thinks about the thin line between sanity and insanity when the chocolate syrup trickled from your lips down to your chin until it reached the supple skin of your neck.

"I need to go to the bathroom." He muttered and hastily jolted from his seat, scrambling away from you. Bucky has a growing problem inside his pants, and he needs to take care of it.

Stop this, Bucky, you need to stop this! His mind chastised while his hands unbuckled his belt. You shouldn't feel this… this way towards her. He's your step-sister. It's wrong.

As soon as he reached his release, he made up his mind. He'll stay away from you; kinda impossible since you both live in the same house, but he'll try his best for both your sakes.

Bucky stopped waiting for you after school. He stopped watching your rehearsals. He stopped helping you with your Math home works and, much to your mom's surprise, he started watching evening dramas with her in the living room every night.

So to answer your question, the one you shot at him when he picked you up from school that day. Yes, you did something wrong.

You grew up. And it's been hard for him to see you as his step-sister ever since.

——————

The last day of school finally rolled in, and you intended to enjoy summer before you start college. What you didn't see coming, though, was being left alone with Bucky for one whole week because your parents are going on a cruise.

"Can't I come with you?" You pleaded, eyes wide as you hauled your mom's baggage into the back of the taxi.

"Sorry, honey. Promise, we'll be back as soon as we can." She replied before giving you a hug.

"Don't leave me here. Bucky's gonna bully me all week."

"He won't, right Bucky?" She raised a brow at him, who stood with his arms crossed, looking annoyed.

"Try not to destroy the house while we're away." Was their final reminder before they went on their way.

Bucky was the first one to get back inside the house. Dread ate up your insides; you two haven't spoken since the car ride. You decided once and for all to get things straight with him. So you marched inside about five minutes later.

Bucky heard you barge in his room, but he remained still -eyes closed and pretending to be asleep. He jolted up when you unceremoniously hit his stomach with a pillow.

"What the hell, y/n?!" He snarled, clearly pissed at your assault.

Your nose flared at his attitude. "What is your problem, James Barnes?" You growled in return.

"Am I the one with a problem here?"

"Oh, come on! You know what I mean!"

Bucky pushed past you; you trailed behind, following his figure towards the living room. He needed to get away from you, fast. It irked him that you wouldn't stay the fuck out of his way. You'd even come and gone into his room. Bucky couldn't take it; he'd go crazy.

"Why are you avoiding me? Bucky!… Bucky! Answer me, damn it!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, y/n. So, leave me alone." He was about to reach the door when you threw yourself in front of it, barring his way out. "Move."

"NO! You're not going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong." You crossed your arms, planting your feet firmly on the floor. You weren't gonna let this day end without knowing why Bucky acts the way he does. If it was something that you did, then you'd wholeheartedly make it right, but you'll never know if he keeps on brushing you off. So, here you are.

"Y/n, move." Bucky hissed menacingly."

"No, Bucky." You replied in the same manner.

After your brief glaring contest, Bucky finally looked away, sighing in defeat. "Fine. Something's not right, okay? But it's not you, it's… it's… me, so let me handle this myself."

You relaxed and took a step closer to him. "Can't you tell me? I might be able to help."

Bucky looked away. How could he possibly tell you that he's harboring un-brotherly feelings towards you -his step-sister. How could he possibly tell you that you turn him on, that he's having inappropriate thoughts about you for a year now? How could he possibly tell you that he might be falling in love with you?

All those times you spent together when Steve was gone. The times you intently and genuinely listened to his adolescent problems. The times you cheered for him when he played football in high school. You were his number one fan. You were so different from the others, and he hated how it made him look at you differently. He hated when you boys started coming into your life. He always believed that you had a special place in your heart for him, but now he feared that anyone might snatch that place from him. You were his best girl.

Bucky grimaced at his realization. He finally admitted to himself that he is, indeed, falling in love with you. He felt angry at himself. How could he let this happen? He thought he was in control of his emotions.

"Eventually, I'll tell you. But not now." He said softly, hoping you'd let him go.

But you were persistent. "No, Bucky. I want you to tell me now." You demanded.

"Y/n," He growled loudly this time. "Move out of my way!"

"I won't until you tell me."

"Move!"

"Just tell me!"

Bucky's resolve broke. The sirens in his mind went off, but he ignored them as he strode towards you intently. He smirked when your bravado faltered before vanishing completely when he pushed you against the door; your bodies pressed together, making sure you could feel the tent growing against his pants.

Your eyes widened in shock. "Wha-"

"You wanna know why? Huh," He asked through gritted teeth, his face hovered dangerously close to yours that you could feel the hot breath coming through his nose. Bucky didn't give you time to answer because he roughly crashed his lips towards yours. He wasted no time shoving his tongue inside your mouth.

Bucky could feel your hands against his chest, pushing him away. He could hear the muffled pleas of protest as he relentlessly assaulted your mouth. His lips left yours only to find themselves on your neck, sucking on your skin.

"Bu.. Bucky.. stop.. s-s-top." Tears cascaded down your cheeks, but you were frozen in spot, unable to wipe them away.

But Bucky ignored your appeal. He continued sucking your skin while his hands traveled your side, feeling you up. When he couldn't get enough of you, he bit the skin on your shoulder.

You yelped in pain. "Stop! Stop, get off me!"

Still, Bucky did not listen. Dissatisfied with his actions, he dragged and threw you towards the couch; he straddled over you, your hands pinned on the cushion. You squirmed beneath him, trying to escape his hold.

Bucky pulled your shirt up and found his lips back on your skin again; this time, he latched on your erect nipple and sucked as if his life depended on it. When he was done abusing both your buds, he moved to kiss your lips again, but your tear-stricken face met his eyes.

Bucky went stiff as a board, and you used that opportunity to push him, backing off as far as you can from him. Your loud sobs filled the house as you sank to a pool at your feet, hugging your knees to yourself.

You couldn't believe what your step-brother had done. Your mind couldn't begin to fathom his actions.

Bucky sat motionless, his horror-struck at his deed. He bit back the long line of profanities that ran inside his head as he stared dumbfounded at your crumpled figure.

A painful pang of guilt washed over him like a tidal wave. What had he done?

"Y/n.. I-I'm… I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He said and scrambled out of the house.

Bucky didn't come home for three days while you spent it in a daze.

Bucky kissed you; he put his tongue inside your mouth. He touched you in your private parts. He sucked on your nipple while you lay beneath him. He held you like a lover would.

But he was your brother; why would he do that?

The sound of the front door opening pulled you out from your thoughts. Your gaze met Bucky's; he had dark circles around his eyes, and you wondered briefly whose house he crashed when he didn't come home.

"Bucky…" You stood from the couch and approached him.

Bucky liked that about you. You were brave and face things head-on; you're not one to back down, just cause you were scared. But he doesn't think he could handle you right now, not after what he's done. He walked past you, intent on ignoring you.

"After what you did, I at least deserve to know the truth, don't you think?"

Your words hit home. You were right; you deserved at least that much. Sighing, he turned back and sat down on the couch.

"I know this is downright wrong, but I'm in love with you, y/n," Bucky confessed softly, and he heard your small gasp.

"But, we're… I'm your sister."

"step-sister," He corrected. "I can't help it. I love you more than a step-brother could love his step-sister. I love you as a woman y/n. I tried to stop it, but it was hard."

You deserved to know the truth no matter how disgusting, condemning, or how sinful it was.

"I am still trying." Bucky continued, and this time, he gave you a firm look. "And I need, need you to help me."

Your heart skipped a beat. "What do you want me to do, Buck?"

"Stay away from me."

You pulled back in shock. "But-"

"No buts!" He hissed. "Can't you see how hard this is for me? You think it's easy to stay away from you when I love you?" He pleaded. "After this, I want you to stay away, don't talk to me unless it's a life or death situation."

"Mom and dad will notice."

"Then don't make them notice." He got up and approached you, then reached for your hand, clasping them together. "Please, y/n, you have to."

With a heavy heart, you nodded. Bucky moved and gave you a quick peck on the forehead, and it felt like goodbye.

Weeks quickly flew by, fortunately for the both of you, your parents didn't notice a thing. You bickered like you used to during breakfast, but both of you knew that it was forced. When they weren't around, which was much since both of them worked, you barely talked to each other and were barely left alone in the house.

Bucky spent most of his time playing basketball -his new hobby to get his mind off you. He's always gone during weekends playing with his college friend Sam Wilson. You saw the guy once when Bucky invited him to dinner with your family. After that, Sam can frequently be seen in the house. Your parents were cool with it since Steve didn't come home for summer.

One afternoon, Sam was there again; you could hear their banter all the way up to your room. However, what really bothered you though was the presence of a woman -Sharon. She's Bucky and Sam's classmate in one of their class, and along with Sam, she started hanging out at your house.

You groaned, annoyed. You couldn't focus on the application essay you were supposed to write with that woman's shrill voice downstairs. You slammed your fist against your study table, intent on giving the three a piece of your mind. You stood up and marched downstairs, catching their attention.

Sharon sat between Sam and Bucky, and they were pretty occupied with a mobile game before you came.

"Can you guys keep it down? You're not the only people in the house."

"Oops, sorry, y/n." Sharon squeaked.

"We'll keep it down," Sam promised.

You just nodded before glaring at Bucky, who did not even acknowledge your presence. You grumbled something before storming back to your room, slamming the door close.

Sharon and Sam ended up having dinner with them again. With Sharon seated beside Bucky, again. Your mom told them to drop by again. And, Bucky walked Sharon home, again.

And you were getting tired of this. You wanted to help Bucky, but you can't just sit back and watch him replace you with someone else. No, you can't allow it. This has to stop.

You waited for Bucky to come home; you were in his room sitting on his bed with a determined look on your face.

As soon as Bucky stepped inside, he was shoved against the door, making it slam close. He winced at the pain on his back, but he was startled and shocked when he felt your lips connect with his in a searing kiss. His first instinct was to push you away, but his desire got the better of him. His eyes slipped close, and he kissed you back passionately.

Bucky's thoughts were in a haze as both your lips danced with each other. It didn't take long for him to invade the warmth of your mouth, fingers tangling themselves into your hair, while your hands curled around the front of his shirt, trapped between your heated bodies.

"Why," He moaned before pulling away.

Your ragged breaths filled the room; you looked at him with glistening eyes. "I don't care anymore, Bucky. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to be replaced by Sam or Sharon or anyone else." A tear escaped your eye, and it cascaded down your cheek.

Bucky leaned down and kissed it away, the salty taste lingering in his tongue.

"I want you back, Bucky."

Bucky felt a painful tug on his heart at the sight. He loves you, but he was also the one making you cry. He cannot bear the thought of hurting you. He caressed your cheek and gazed at you lovingly, longingly.

"You're making this hard for me, y/n. For the both of us."

You shook your head once more and pulled his face close to yours. "I don't care anymore, James Barnes. Love me any way you want, just don't… don't leave me again."

Bucky froze at your words. He pulled away then grasped both your shoulders. "Y/n, you don't know what you're saying."

"I do. I'm not a child anymore. I want how we used to be; if accepting your love could get things back to the way it was, I accept it.

Bucky shook his head. "No,…no y/n, nothing will ever be the same if you let me love you the way I want to."

Your face visibly fell at his words. Feeling hopeless, you asked. "Why?"

"Why?" Bucky asked back softly. "Because unlike then, I'll kiss you more like this…" He started and gave you a sensual kiss on the lips. "I'll hold your hand like this…" His hand went to yours, and he intertwined your fingers.

"We used to do that when we were kids."

Bucky just hummed in response. "And I'll pull you close to me like this…" He continued and did just as he said. He pulled you against his heated body and inhaled your scent. "And you'll always ignite that burning feeling inside me, y/n. So, unless you get used to these things, I will not let you do this."

"But we used to do some of those."

"It's going to be a lot different now."

"I don't care. I'm used to it. In fact, I miss it. Don't ever leave me again, Bucky, please. I love you so much."

Bucky's eyes widened in surprise. He could feel the rapid beating of your heart against his. He pulled you in once more for a passionate kiss.

"I love you too, y/n. You don't know how much you make me happy."

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky #james buchanan barnes #au bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic

[allforyoumylovely]

Hi Emma, do you read books? Do you have any recommendations? What are your favorite books or just books that made you feel?

Hii 💗 sorry for taking ages to reply! Yes, I read a lot of books, it’s one of my favourite pastimes. I’m a big writing-over-plot person and I’ll basically read anything if it has good writing (except fantasy tho i just can't do it).

So, some of my favourites:

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara – has every trigger warning under the sun and is heartbreak in book form, but the writing is devastatingly stunning, and the broken characters really get under your skin. Sobbed myself to sleep after finishing it.

Anything by Sally Rooney – I feel like she just gets life to the core and fully understands the complexities of being a human being. I recently read and really enjoyed Conversations with Friends, and I love her wit and her poignant writing style. And I’d highly recommend the tv adaptation of Normal People.

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey Mcquiston – just a really easy, fluffy read. It basically felt like a very well-written fic and it gave me all the butterflies 💕

When Death Takes Something from You Give It Back: Carl's Book by Naja Marie Aidt – the book I did my thesis on last year. In 2015 the Danish/Greenlandic author loses her 25-year-old son Carl in a tragic accident and with him her ability to write. She ploughs through all the bereavement literature she can find, letting it speak for her when she can’t. Her writing is fragmented, furious, and painful, just like her grief. But also very beautiful and poetic. A few tears might have slipped into my keyboard while typing in quotes.

I’m currently about halfway through The Secret History by Donna Tartt and there’s just something about her books - the lingering on details, her characters, the brilliant execution – that leaves me in awe. So far, I think this one might be my favourite. It has murder, dark academia vibes, elitist outsiders who form a Greek cult – what more could you want?

And now that we’re at it, I’ll let you know a few of the books on my tbr list as well <3

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell - I literally just got this today and only really know it by title, but it’s supposedly dark and has good writing, so I’m in.

The All for the Game series by Nora Sakavic – read the first book this summer but was put off by the overflow of characters, the very action-driven writing, and how every sentence has the same subject + predicator beginning. I had to drag myself through it, basically. But I’ve been told the story picks up in the next books, and all the fanart makes me really curious about it, so I'll have to pull myself together and put my writing snobbery aside for just a little while lolol 🙃

Thank you for your ask, anon! Hope your day is lovely 🧡✨

#sweet anons #book talk 📖 #take a shot every time i say writing

[xanderwithanx]

Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

#long post #diary entry

[kellyashcroft]

It’s You C.7 - Why Does It Hurt?

Summary:  I’m Embry and I don’t think much of this whole soulmate business. What are the chances that in a sea of 7 billion people you’ll just find your soulmate? What’s the point in wasting your time with relationships with people that aren’t your soulmate? On the off chance that one or both of you do meet the one you’re destined for, it’s just gonna cause unnecessary pain but what’s the alternative? Stay alone forever waiting for someone that might never show up? I’m 26 and I still don’t have my mark and I’m tired of waiting.

Word Count: 3900

Warnings: Angst, mentions of parental death, mentions of physical pain, mentions of torture, fluff

A/N: Sorry it’s late, it’s been a busy week! This is the longest chapter yet, I’ve combined two chapters because the next one was really short but the next update will still be on Monday. Please let me know what you think and I will list the masterlink below for you! Thank you fpr reading, I hope you enjoy it! 

Series Masterlink

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Will wakes up not much longer after me and as I keep my eyes on the television, I feel his head shift down to look at me.

"Sorry, I fell asleep" he mumbles and I move my head to meet his eyes, still being held in his arms. 

"It's okay, so did I, I've only been awake maybe, ten minutes, I didn't want to wake you"

"I should go" he says as he moves to get up off the couch. He plants his feet on the ground as he stands up and brushes his hand through his hair as I turn my body to sit upright on the couch, wishing it was still two minutes ago rather than this awkward, weirdness.  “I don’t mean, I don’t want to- - I mean” he stutters as he scratches the back of his neck and I squint my eyes at him, “it’s late and I can’t stay the night, I’ve got no clean clothes here or anything”

"No, I get it" I answer quickly, realising that I did actually want him to stay and a silence falls over the two of us again as we both look anywhere but at each other.

"I'll just, get" he points behind his head, "get my coat then" he says quietly as I look back at him as his voice grabs my attention. 

"Okay, I'll walk you out" I say back as I get up and walk him towards the front door.

He hesitates just outside the door frame as he turns back to me and I lean slightly on the door.

"Embry" he starts, "do you? I mean, um, I" his nervous energy makes me stand up straighter, my heart racing in my chest. He lets out a breathy chuckle as he rubs the back of his neck with his hand again; I guess he does that a lot when he's nervous. "I had a really nice time tonight, thank you" he smiles up at me once he's decided on his words.

"I had a really nice time too, we should do it again sometime" his smile only grows wider at my words and a second later he leans in and places a quick, unsure kiss on my cheek and I feel my face blush.

"See you tomorrow" he says quickly as he turns to go to his car, looking back towards me as he gets into the driver’s seat and I offer a small wave and then he's gone.

I go back into my house, making sure to lock the door and find my phone, already having received a text from Will.

   ⁃    I really had an amazing time with you. Sorry I fell asleep. I really hope we can do it again, maybe next time I can cook for you? Good night, Em. 

I can't help but smile and notice the nickname he's given me and I realise no one else has ever shortened my name. It seems weird to think about because it seems so obvious, but no one ever has and I like the thought that maybe he will be the only one to ever call me it. I quickly text back.

   ⁃    I had a great time too. It's okay, you look cute when you sleep. I'd love that. Goodnight.

I walk up the stairs into my bedroom, put on my favourite pyjamas again, now that they're washed, and slip into bed, hoping for a peaceful night’s sleep, but that's not what I get. 

-

"You really just can't stay out of the way can you?" I hear a woman's voice say in an angry tone as I feel something being dragged from my face and I take a deep breath. "Always in the way!" 

The woman grabs my left arm and picks up a metal device as she places it over the mark on my wrist and I let out a scream in pain. 

"It'll stop hurting soon, we've done this before, stop fidgeting" she scolds and my blood turns cold at the pain and fear I'm feeling.

"What did you do with him?" I whisper through the pain. "Where is he?"

"Oh he's fine, don't worry, you won't remember him soon enough anyway" she says. What does she mean, I won't remember him? 

The woman keeps the device pressed against my skin for what feels like forever and the pain increases and decreases in intensity over time. I hear my own screams and whimpers and I try to fight her off as she has more straps added to restrain me. 

Eventually she stops and the pain subsides a little as she removes the device. I manage a glance down at my mark through my hooded and watery eyes, exhausted from the torture I've just endured and notice that the mark on my wrist is lighter, less prominent.

-

BEEP BEEP BEEP!

I jolt awake, yet again, to the sound of my alarm blaring and slowly I reach over to hit the snooze button, hoping for just five more minutes; enough time to collect my thoughts, before I get up out of bed, and start my usual routine of brushing my teeth, washing my body, putting on make up and getting dressed. 

I decide again to drive to work today, feeling too tired to walk, as much as I miss my near the beach walks home and as I stop at some traffic lights I remember being here and my wrist hurting. I realise it was him I saw, Will. He was the guy walking across the street. I remember the same dark brown hair, the same smile, the dimple. He was the guy who's hand I shook and felt the same pain again. But the mark isn't supposed to hurt. I've never heard anyone ever say it hurt them to get their mark, so why did mine hurt?

I'm pulled from my thoughts yet again as the lights change and I continue my drive to work but I can't seem to shake the feeling that something's wrong. Surely there must be a reason that ours was so different? I make a mental note to go to Clive's after work and ask him if he knows anything about it. He knows an awful lot more about them than me, he practically wrote a thesis on them at one point, maybe he can help. 

As I pull into the car park at the school, I see Will walking across a few metres from me and he raises his hand in a wave as he catches my eye and I think about how used I'm getting to seeing my mark on his wrist, and his on mine. 

"Hey" he says as our paths cross near the doors of the school and we smile at each other. 

"Hey, you okay?" I start as he shakes a plastic cup at me containing my favourite mocha, passing one to me and keeping one for himself. “Thank you”

"No problem.” He pauses as he smiles at me. After a few seconds he shakes his head as he looks down to the floor and continues, “Yeah, didn't sleep the best though, you?"

"Me either actually, I had the weirdest dream" as I'm about to start to tell him about it, the bell rings for the first class of the day and I feel like I've lost time, not a lot, only about ten minutes or so, but like as if somehow, the day is passing by earlier than it should. I was sure we had longer to talk.  

"So today, class, we're gonna have a study session, so if everyone could take their notepads and textbooks out, I want you to all read through your evolutionary perspectives of eating behaviour essays and write notes on your essay. Try and shorten it into key points and then that into bullet points until you'll be able to know your paragraph from a few key words. If you need any help, just ask, otherwise, you can work in small groups" I finish as a few tables scrape across the floor, kids moving closer to their friends as a quiet muttering overtakes the room and I sit in my chair behind the desk. 

My mind falls back to the dream I had last night and I can't help but feel like there's more to it, like it's not just a dream and like I'm missing some of the information. I start to look at my mark and notice that it's full in colour, unlike my dream, but as I stare at it, it starts to itch again and I get a sharp pain in my head as a flood of words enter my brain. They're all fumbling over each other too fast for me to hear most of them, the only ones I make out don't make any sense to me and I hold the side of my head as I scrunch my eyes, opening my mouth in a silent scream and hope the pain will subside quickly.

"Embry?" I hear and just as quickly the pain started, it goes and I look up to find Will, his hands on my forearms, his body twisted as he tells the class to pack up their stuff and that they're dismissed for the day. As the class empties he turns back to me with concern in his eyes, "are you okay? I walked past and you looked like you were in agony. What happened?"

"I, I don't know, my head just started hurting. I couldn't make much of it out"

"Make what out?"

"The words" I answer, "my head was flooded with words, I could only make a little bit out through the jumble: lost, taken, soulmate and you, but it doesn't make any sense, I don't know what happened". He sighed in response as he moved one of his hands behind my head and pulled me into his chest and held me.

We stay like that for what feels like forever, one hand never moving from the back of my head while the other dances up and down my back, trailing small shapes over my green dress. 

After a couple of minutes he pulls back from me and wipes the remaining tears that have fell from my eyes off my face. “I’m gonna go and get you some water okay? Don’t go anywhere”

I nod as he hesitantly stands up and leaves the room, coming back only a minute later with a bottle of water. “I haven’t drank any of it, you need to have a drink okay? It’ll make you feel a bit better”. He says as he crouches down in front of me again, one hand finding its way back to resting on my forearm.

“Thank you” I whisper as I take a big gulp of water and he continues to look at me with worry in his eyes. “I’ll be okay, I just haven’t been sleeping very well” I say through a still croaky voice and he gives me a small smile in response.

“Just, relax for a little bit” he advises as he moves in slightly closer to me, “you’ve got like twenty minutes until the next class, will you be okay?”

“I’m good, honestly” I answer too fast, “you can go, but thank you”.

We share a tentative smile as he stands up and leaves the room, and again, I’m not unaware of his eyes lingering on me as he does so. 

I spend the next twenty minutes trying to breathe through the almost crippling anxiety I keep feeling, devising it’s probably better to just leave the remnants of my coffee rather than adding more caffeine to this situation. I find a small post it note and write down the words I felt drum around in my brain and stare at them, holding for an explanation to drop from the sky when the bell rings again. Too quickly my students pile into the classroom and still not feeling great, I inform them they will be doing the same study exercise as my previous class as I sit back in my chair, tapping my pen against the desk trying to figure out what this could mean. 

Not much longer passes before lunch has come around and before I can even move from behind my desk, Will is at the door waiting for me. 

“I was wondering if maybe you’d want to sit with me at lunch today?” I hear him say.

“We sit together every day?” I question with a squint of my eyes. 

“I guess that’s true” he laughs, “I mean, just me” he says as he slowly moves into the room as I walk around my desk. 

“Are you asking me on a date to the cafeteria William?” I smile as he blushes slightly. 

“No, not a date, I promise” he laughs as he looks back up to me and wipes his hand over his chin. “Just, I’d really like to have a meal with just you again.” 

“I’d love to”. 

Walking down the corridor to the cafeteria, I feel his eyes on me every few seconds and the questions he wants to ask are almost hanging in the air in front of us like a fog. 

“I’m okay” I say as I turn to face him, nodding my head, trying to convince us both. 

“I know” he says too quickly, “I just want you to know that if you’re not, if you need help, me to cover your class, if you need anything, I can feel the anxiety coming off you” his words make me turn my head to look at the floor as I feel him stop next to me and take hold of my wrist, his thumb rubbing absentmindedly against the mark that lives there, “that’s okay too. I’m here”. His final words have me lifting my head to look at him again, a small smile finding its way into my face as he slips his hand down to hold mine and intertwines  our fingers. As I nod my head, he gives my hand a small squeeze before releasing it as we start up our walk to the cafeteria again. 

Sitting down at a table on the far side of the room, we both dig into our meals, mine being chicken pasta and Will’s being bolognese, as we discuss his classes that day. Nothing major happened, like for example, he didn’t freak out all of his students by having an agonising pain in his head and had to have them excused by another staff member, but he did teach one of his classes about an obscure battle that I had never heard of. As the conversation about our classes dwindles down, we both turn to continue our lunches, comfortable in each other’s presence and my anxiety is easing from just being around him. 

“I know you might not want to talk about it but, I meant it, anything you need, ever” he says with a level of sincerity I’m not sure I’ve ever heard before and I know he’s not just talking about today, he really does mean anything and with what time is coming up, I can’t even begin to express how much that means to me. “Chloe mentioned something this morning about this being a tough time of year for you?” He asks innocently and I can’t work out if I’m mad or grateful that my friend started this conversation for me. 

“I don’t really talk about it at work but yeah, um, it’s coming up to the anniversary, of um, my parents death” I almost whisper, being brave enough to continue looking at Will. 

“I’m so sorry” he says quickly, “she didn’t say that- -, you don’t have to-“

“It’s okay, I don’t mind, but like I said I just don’t talk about it at work, sometimes I’m okay but sometimes I cry and I don’t want to cry at work”

“I get it, so do you like baseball?” He changes the subject quickly and I can’t help but laugh. 

The rest of the day goes by without a problem, each class going over the same study exercise based on what topic they’re focusing on currently and I spend my time catching up on grading essays. 

As soon as the final bell rings, I practically run from the school needing to see Clive as soon as possible. As much as sitting with Will at lunch may have eased my anxiety for that time, it came back in floods throughout the second half of the day. 

I walk into Clive's book store, hearing the bell above the door as I open and shut it. I nod in greeting at Clive, still by the counter, where he always seems to be and he nods back.

Knowing that the conversation I want to have with him is probably going to stir up some memories he'd rather forget, I take in a sharp breath as I start to walk over to him and he gives me a quizzical look. He must be wondering why I'm not just walking around the store like I usually do. 

"I need to ask you something, and you might not like it, but it's important, I'll explain as best I can but I wouldn't bring it up if it wasn't really important. Not to you" he gives me a knowing look after taking my words in and gives me a small nod, assuring me that I can ask, but not confirming that he will answer, or even have one in the first place. "Okay, have you ever heard of anyone's mark hurting? Like when they get it? Or even after they've got it? Because the first time I saw Will, it was when he was walking across the road and I was driving and I felt this sharp pain in my wrist; I didn't have my mark then of course and I ignored it, but then later it got itchy and I thought I could see something but I was wrong, although now, I'm not so sure. And then, the first time we touched, after we met, we both got a sharp pain, so bad we had to pull our hands away from each other and then mine was itchy later in the day again, I never asked about his" I'm not sure at what point we moved, but as I continue I realise I'm sitting in my usual spot on the couch at the back of the store, Clive opposite me.

"So then, today all of a sudden, it starts to get really itchy again, but like, painful itchy, like I want to scratch through my skin itchy and then I get this splitting pain in my head and I can't see or hear anything apart from these words going round and round in my head, too many to make out except four. Only four make their way through to me" I tell him the four words I'd told Will about earlier in the day as he leans further towards me, intently listening to everything I'm saying, a look of confusion on his face. "So I think they're connected, I mean, the pain, the itch, and the word soulmate came up, that can't be a coincidence right? So, I mean you know more about it than anyone else I know so have you ever heard of this happening? I mean, is it wrong? Is it trying to fight its way off my body because it's a mistake?" I ask, scared of what the answer could be as he stops me.

"I don't think it's that. The marks are never wrong, ever. He's your soulmate, there's no doubt about that but it hurting?" He turns away from me slightly, looking nowhere in particular as he thinks. "The only times I've ever heard of someone's mark hurting is when someone tried to take it off, they physically tried to tear it from their skin, it didn't work of course, the marks are protected, something in them. And when you spend too long away from your soul mate, mine hurts occasionally when I miss Mary, a few other people who've lost their soul mates or have had to be away from them have said the same thing but it's an ache, not a sharp pain".

He looks back at my disheartened face, disappointed at feeling like I still don't really have any sort of answer. "I see him every day, we talk after work until we go to sleep, he's text me goodnight, every night and neither one of us has tried to get rid of the mark" I trail off, defeated.

"Leave it with me, okay? I'll have a look through my stuff, see if there's anything I can find that might explain it and I'll let you know if I find something but just, try not to worry about it too much, okay kid?" He offers me a small smile as he pats my shoulder and I realise that's the first time since Mary died that I've seen any type of real smile on his face.

"Yeah" I surrender, "thanks Clive, it means a lot, thank you" I add sincerely as I get up to leave the store before quickly turning and adding, "oh I almost forgot, Will asked me to ask you if you could order 1984 for him? You know by George Orwell?" 

"Sure, I'll get on it straight away, I'll make up an invoice when it comes and keep it back for him or if you pick it up, okay?"

"Thanks Clive, for everything" I say as I leave the store and make it to my car.

On the drive home I decide it's been too long since I've walked near the beach and if there was ever a time I needed to be calmed by the ocean, it's probably now when my mind can't seem to stop spinning. I pull up on my driveway, get out of my car, and walk back towards the beach, deciding I'll spend a couple of hours there and maybe watch the sunset before I walk back home. 

Sitting on the beach, this is the calmest I’ve felt since I was laying in Will’s arms. Making that realisation only panics me more, I mean, I’ve only known him a few weeks. How is it that someone I’m still aware I barely know has had such a profound effect on me? I feel like there’s an internal battle inside of me of running away from this and what it means because I can’t help but feel like I’ll be hurt, and another side of me that wants nothing more than to jump in, head first because I know he will never hurt me and I don’t think I’ve ever been so confused in my life. 

Trying to shake all thoughts of Will and the dreams and the mark and my feelings about any of it out of my head, I focus on the sounds of the waves crashing in front of me and the feel of the sand against my bare feet, my shoes being placed carefully in front of me. As I dig my feet further into the sand, I wrap my arms around my knees, bending them up to sit in front of my face and I enjoy the beauty the beach offers. 

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Taglist: @yourideasarepointless​ @stiles-o-dylan24​ @moongoddesskiana​ @wydobrien​ @ashleyjeanthomas​ 

Date posted: 04.08.2020

#its you #kellysashcroft #will x embry #writing #original writing #soulmate. #soulmate au #storytime

[buckychristwrites]

I know it's not your part of expertise but I need an advice and I feel like you could give it to me because I'm tired of feeling like I'm the one to blame or maybe I am, I don't know anymore.

I've been friends with this girl- let's call her my friend from now on, for about 10 years since we started school. We had our ups and downs but after high school we stayed together as friends I mean.

She started dating this guy like four years ago and I don't think he's the problem as he is nice and I really like him and he likes me too but I got the feeling like my friend feel somehow better than me because she has a guy while I'm mrs lonely. Whenever I went to her she always made it that he could be with us, I didn't mind couple of times but sometimes I wish there weren't other ears listening to me.

Year ago she got me a place at her job and I was really grateful, I still am, but I work there part time so we didn't really see each other, we it had a chance whenever we met as friends but because of pandemic we saw each other like two times.I've always been there for her, I was driving her to and from mechanic when her car broke down a couple of times, even two days before my thesis defense when I should been learning I was driving her to mechanic.

I think everything changed in this February. We were appointed to see each other on the say she had day off after a night shift. I bought a big teddy bear for her niece as she turned 3 earlier in February. I call my friend to ask when I can come and she's like "I forgot it was today because of the night shift, I was tired and everything" so I said I understand and we can meet on the other day and she's like "cool I pick up the time". She never did.

A month later in March I had birthday, and maybe I'm exaggerating but it's really weird when a bunch of almost total strangers wish you happy birthday on facebook while someone you consider friends doesn't even message you even day after. I'm not a easiest person to talk too, I somehow antisocial, I can go weeks without talking to someone but that doesn't mean I'm angry or I bare a grudge and she knew about it.

The last situation happens yesterday. We have a group combo with her and two other mutual friends and one of them is getting married so she asked when she can come to give us invitation (In my country bride and groom are expected to give invitations personally to their guests. It creates opportunity to meet the other person if you haven't earlier). And my friends says to the bride to be that she's working whole week and she's gonna tell later. I'm on my leave right now and next week I'm going back to work. And I said to the bride that it'll be better if we could meet this week but I'll tell her later. And my friend goes "you always have free time" and I said "well it's not like I'm always at home sitting on my ass" (I have other friends from college and I we agreed while I'm on my leave we're gonna see new apartment that one of them got, my mother got an appointment for covid vaccination this week and I have an appointment at doctor's because I believe I have diabetes). So you see Im on my leave but it doesn't mean I'm always home. And she replies "okay them I'm not saying any word ☺️" Though there's smiling emoji I feel like she's angry with me.

Maybe I was too harsh but I'm really tired of people thinking that beside my part time job J don't have a life. I get that I don't have a boyfriend so it maybe look like it but I have hobbies I still have life maybe it's not perfect and it's boring but it's bearable, it's not most exciting but still it's mine. I'm tired of feeling I'm always one to blame and I still have this big ass expensive teddy bear for her niece at home.

Please just tell what would you do if you were me. What should I do?

And I'm sorry for the long ask you don't have to post it though

I’m sorry that you’ve been going through this! Sometimes relationships change people, for the better or for the worst, but also time and adulthood can do the same.

If you feel like you can, you should try to talk to your friend about these issues and see if you can work them out. Let her know that you would like to find some times to hang out just the two of you without her SO, that when she bails on plans it makes you feel like you don’t matter to her, and you don’t like that she suggests that you don’t have a life. You’ve been friends for a long time, and talking things out is always worth a shot.

But if you don’t feel like you’re able to talk things out with her, or if the talk just doesn’t go well, or if the talk does go well but nothing changes, then there’s no shame in just letting her go. Sometimes we outgrow people, and not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever.

Also it’s definitely worth mentioning that no person is better than you just because they’re in a relationship, and if you’re happy while not in one then that’s all that matters!!

I’m definitely no expert but i’ve had my share of friend struggles and i know how hard they can be, i hope that you’re able to work through this, but just know that however it works out will be how it was supposed to work out.

Sending lots of love and positive vibes!!! 💜💜💜💜

#anonymous #answered #long post