#I’ll literally find any reason to justify me drawing him again

[touy-touy]

Ugh I hate how my skin feels… AND my jaw feels funny again. Guess I gotta draw more Touya to feel better:/

#mios #I’ll literally find any reason to justify me drawing him again

[jjorbles]

(Repost) The real reason for Warner/DC’s “no jokes” policy

Note: This article was originally posted September 4th, 2014 on the Agony Booth, which I used to write for. Since that site is sadly no longer with us, I’m reposting my old articles here.

First, I might as well get this out of the way, since I still get confused comments about this: Yes, I like Man of Steel significantly less than I did when I wrote my initial review last year. Honestly, I don’t think I ever truly liked it. I just so very badly wanted to. I clung to the elements that worked and told myself those niggling doubts in the back of my head didn’t matter. I wanted so much to like Man of Steel, had myself so on edge, torn between excitement and dread, and so turned around that in my zeal to be a “professional” critic and judge whether or not the film was “objectively” good, I managed to overlook the most important factor of all while watching it:

I wasn’t having fun.

After all, if you’re not having fun watching a damn superhero movie, what’s the point? Sure, comics can have different goals than pulp entertainment. They can be dramatic, or dark and depressing, or spiritual, or psychedelic, or whatever the imagination can conceive, just like any art form. But this isn’t Watchmen. This isn’t The Invisibles or Maus. This is Superman. Ground zero for the comic book superhero. And if you’re not having fun watching Superman, why are you watching to begin with?

And that was ultimately what killed Man of Steel for me. Not it being a bad movie (though it was very much that, failing to do a good job of being what it wanted to be, much less what I wanted it to be), but rather utterly joyless and morose. Even more so than the Dark Knight trilogy, Man of Steel was completely devoid of levity. And after so much anticipation, and so much promise, this was completely soul-crushing for me. Superman means something to me, and always has. This is a character I draw hope and inspiration from, a character who’s helped get me through my darkest days. And to see him drained of all that optimism and joy… I honestly think it broke something in me.

Ever since, I’ve been a more cynical person when it comes to movies. I find it much harder to get excited for anything movie-related anymore. Every time a new movie is announced that sounds like something I might like, I react with suspicion or apathy. The world of cinema post-Man of Steel just seems like a far bleaker place to me.

That may sound melodramatic, and it probably is. But as if to assure me I’m justified in feeling this way, along comes rumors that Warner Brothers has instituted an already infamous “no jokes policy” for all future DC movies.

Everybody together now…

(EDIT: I cannot find or remember what image was originally posted here as a follow up to that line)

I honestly can barely find the words right now. I feel crushed by the very idea of what lies ahead. I’m still feeling drained from Man of Steel, and the thought that there are more movies coming just like it, each just as depressing as the last… I just want it to stop. I don’t want to live in a world where this is what Superman is now. Where this is what Wonder Woman, what the whole Justice League is. I’d rather never see them onscreen again than have to sit through another movie like Man of Steel.

But I’ll try to compose myself long enough to say something of substance about this. Which is difficult, because as it is, it actually doesn’t seem to tell us all that much. For instance, exactly how literal a mandate is this? Are they actually saying that no kind of humor at all will be permitted in their films? Is any line of dialogue that resembles a joke to be purged from the scripts? Are actors to be forbidden from smiling during their performances? Likely not. After all, even Man of Steel had one or two jokes… I think. Let’s see, there was the bit where he smashes that guy’s truck, I guess. That was sort of a joke. Then there was the bit where that girl said Superman was hot. I think that was meant to be funny… for some reason. And I think Superman smiled once while flying… or maybe that was just a grimace. Ooh, that bit about his “S” we all remember from the trailer! That was a joke, right? Or was that just awkward setup? I really can’t remember; I was busy having my inner child stomped into submission at the time.

But regardless, surely they don’t mean literally no jokes at all. That would be ludicrous. Almost no movie in the history of cinema can claim to be completely devoid of any kind of humor. Hell, even The Act of Killing had humor in it, and that was the most depressing movie of last year (which I’ll remind you is a year that also gave us 12 Years a Slave and Fruitvale Station).

But even if Warners isn’t being completely literal, what do they think actively discouraging humor will accomplish? Who is this meant to appeal to, exactly? Robots? Vulcans? Oscar the Grouch? Is there a single demographic anywhere in the world that does not like humor at all in their movies? Are there actually people who walk into a film saying, “This movie better not make me laugh, not once”?

It’s weird, because from an outsider’s perspective, it feels like Warner Brothers, a company that’s been making films since 1923, has somehow forgotten how movies work. Humor is one of the basic tools of not just movies, but all forms of storytelling. It provides levity, which in turn provides relief from conflict and tension. Without it, the narrative becomes oppressively dull. Drama and tragedy don’t work when there’s no lighter counterpoint to balance them out. Sadness and anger have no meaning when they’re your character’s default state of being. And absolute stone-faced seriousness at all times makes characters cold and impenetrable, which in turn makes it very difficult for audiences to feel engaged.

Why? Why do this? What is to be gained, exactly? Is there some sort of fear that allowing Batman to ever again crack a smile is to risk another Batman & Robin, from which they must forever run in the opposite direction? Why mandate such dour and joyless tones for superhero movies? Why craft a Superman who spreads mass destruction instead of hope? Who sulks and broods instead of comforts and inspires? Who lives in a world of the worst possible tragedies that somehow have no consequences at all? Why does WB want to ban fun?

And then it hit me: Because Superman is Donald Rumsfeld now.

It came to me while reading about some of the plot details of Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice, specifically in regards to how Superman’s mass-murdering punch up will be viewed by the general public. What do we know? Apparently, they’ve built a statue of Superman. So it would seem the people of Metropolis aren’t terribly upset that he leveled their city and killed most of them. We even know that a crippled Jimmy Olsen may enter the story as a victim of Superman’s rampage, whose role is apparently to be totally cool with his horrific injuries. We’re told he still loves Superman, despite the fact that he, you know, maimed him for life. Because he saved the world, it’s all good.

And suddenly it all becomes clear. This is Christopher Nolan’s right-wing politics working their way into Superman the way they worked their way into Batman. This is turning Superman into a metaphor for U.S. actions in Iraq, by having him destroy an entire city full of innocents to kill one guy, and trying to make us feel like it was completely justified. It doesn’t matter who gets hurt along the way, as long as we get the bad guy. This is basically the misguided U.S. fantasy of the rest of the world loving us for what we’ve done in the Middle East. The filmmakers even give Superman a whole arc about rejecting and then violently destroying the remnants of his alien heritage, and then they throw in that “I’m as American as it gets” scene just to solidify him as America personified.

Regardless of your personal politics, we should all be able to agree on one thing: Superman should never say “It was for the greater good.” The whole point of Superman is he never has to say “It was for the greater good.” He’s so powerful that he always finds a way to save everyone. That’s the fantasy of Superman: The idea of someone who can fix everything, someone who’s incorruptible and can make everything okay.

Superman is not a character for a “post-9/11 world”, where everything has to be dark and morally ambiguous, with of lots of political undertones. That’s why Man of Steel didn’t work, why Dawn of Justice won’t work, and why this “no jokes” policy is a bad idea. They’re trying to force Superman into a mold that wasn’t made for him. And in order for him to fit into it, he has to be stripped of everything that makes him Superman: Hope, optimism… and fun.

#stuff i wrote #agony booth #repost

[bigskydreaming]

Hi! I was reading a fanfic and it brought up Roy and Dick's fight, which I see a lot of in fics but never what they fought about and consequently why they don't talk. I thought it was a vague excuse/reason why Roy was Jason's friend not Dick's anymore but this fic brought up when Dick was batman so I was wondering if there was actually a fight between them? Btw I really enjoy your metas! They're v thought out and well articulated. Also it's v easy to separate what's your opinion and what's fact which is. Very helpful for me

Yeah this is one hundred percent a fanon thing that's kept deliberately vague to justify why Roy in his friendship with Jason seems to have no positive thoughts or concerns about Dick whatsoever. Now granted, Dick and Roy are not nearly as close in the New 52 as they were pre-Reboot. The lack of their friendship there is definitely one of the things I disliked most about the Reboot - and I actually don't care if Jason and Roy are friends tbh, its the total erasure of his history with Dick as if he can't be friends with both, that like, bugs most.

But so like, yeah, Roy and Dick aren't super close when they interact on the Titans in the New 52, but there's literally nothing in any of their interactions that explains the complete absence of him from Roy's life or a reason that Roy would like, hate him the way he tends to in a lot of Jason-centric fics.

When you factor in pre-Reboot stuff though, it starts to get a LOT more.....uh wyd? And this is why I have trouble buying that people just write Roy and Jason the way they do because its the only thing they know from recent comics. Like one, most fans talk about how they don't even read the source comics, so there's no reason their knowledge of the characters or events would be limited to just recent comics if they're going off wiki summaries and scans anyway. And second, most fans AREN'T limited in their knowledge to just recent comics.

Like, the second people start writing Roy and Jason and Kori but with their pre-52 characterizations and references to events from THAT timeline, it all gets very messy, the way they're like, completely antagonistic towards Dick a lot of the time. Because Roy and Dick were always solid. Yes, they fought. A lot. But they always, ALWAYS made up afterwards. They had conflict about Roy's drug addiction - it didn't stop Dick from being there to support him through rehab, or Dick being the first person Roy called to help him get Lian after he learned of her existence. Dick literally held Lian before Roy ever did? He's the one who first put her in Roy's arms for the first time.

(Which is the prime grudge I and most Dick Grayson fans have about Roy and Jason fics which make Jason like, the absolute apple of Lian's eye. If you want to expand Lian's circle of loved and trusted ones to include Jason as Roy's friend and thus her uncle, like go for it! But there's zero reason that should require invalidating and erasing the fact that Dick was this little girl's adored godfather and uncle for pretty much her entire life. And the way Dick is just shoved offstage from Lian's life entirely, to slot Jason into his place as though they're completely interchangeable, its like....THAT'S the kind of thing that gets people irey about how Jason 'steals' Dick's dynamics and character relationships.

Because there's nothing saying they both can't be major players in Roy and Lian's lives! But just that they're not interchangeable! You need to develop the specific role Jason plays there WITHOUT just overwriting everything Dick actually did in relation to the two of them pre-Flashpoint, which is what you're drawing from the second you write Lian, unless you're specifically going with the few appearances we've had of her within literally just the last year.

But I mean, when people just search and replace Dick Grayson in all Roy and Lian's pre-Reboot stories and act like Jason was the one doing all of that instead.....why wouldn't fans of the source material be annoyed by a character getting credit for interactions and things done for Lian and Roy that Jason literally NEVER DID, while at the EXACT SAME TIME, conjuring some mysterious, unnamed 'Falling Out' that Roy and Dick had, that was clearly all Dick's fault, and resulted from him being basically excised entirely from Roy and Lian's lives?

Same with Kori, for the record, and like despite being Dick's ex, she and Dick have NEVER been like, estranged? She and Dick have often been close even after their breakup. None of it makes any sense, and the fact that a lot of fans don't even try to make it make sense or justify it, and expect other fans to just be fine with settling for an inexplicable reversal of Dick's every actual dynamic with these characters while setting up Jason to occupy the exact same role Dick played in these other characters' lives, like.....lol. Its fun.)

Anyway, back to your question, like, there are fights you can go with pre-Reboot as the source of various conflicts between Dick and Roy - but again, I maintain its just as crucial that they're always written as getting past them. They have a very tempestuous relationship because they are the two people MOST likely to call each other on their shit, two of the two people WITH the most shit in common due to the parallels in their childhoods and the roles they've occupied in the Titans and the superhero community in general, and the two people most resistant to being called out on their shit by each other, lol. Mostly in that case because like, they do recognize that they have a lot in common and understand each other very well, so the second the other is calling them out for something, they're usually like "ugh, if HE'S saying this, its probably true and I am just not prepared yet to be wrong about this. I need more time being unjustifiably rawr about things." Its like that thing where they both look at each other doing something that feels familiar or calls back to their own reasons for doing something and they're like ugh I'm in this picture and I don't like it.

So they clash. A lot. But always with the implicit bedrock of like, there's nothing either of them can do or say to the other that will push the other away for good.

They fought over Roy replacing Dick as leader of the Titans when Dick's wedding fell apart, even though Roy actually didn't want to do it and was kinda pushed into it by the government, but again, Dick like, got over it and realized it was for the best and forgave Roy for it that very same issue. And on and on. It always went like that. So there's plenty of stuff that can be used or pointed at as a source of conflict between the two, but the part I'll always call unbelievable is the idea that they never make up after one of these fights. Why now? What fight, specifically, is so bad between them that despite everything else they've gone through AND gotten past, they can't get past this one? Y'know?

So yeah, that's my take on this. There is no definitive falling out between Dick and Roy as many fics like to point to in order to shove him offscreen and make room for Jason in Roy and Lian's lives, and personally, I just don't find it necessary and I actually think it makes Roy look REALLY bad. Because when you're not specifically detailing all the things that Dick has actually DONE for Roy, the lengths to which he's been there for his friend, and like, specifically invalidating each and every one of them as something that never happened in a particular fic, then literally anyone who reads that fic and has their own awareness of Dick and Roy's friendship is kiiiiiinda likely to be reading that and thinking wow what an ungrateful asshole, when Roy's just written as bitching about Dick with Jason and sandbagging him without any real explanation as to WHY, beyond just 'oh they had a fight years ago.'

(And coming up with some random awful thing that Dick did to justify Roy hating him now isn't like, a superior alternative, lmao, because again, its still just trashing one character for the sake of getting him out of the way of two other characters' friendship and people are going to think what they think about that).

Anyway, my now standard stock disclaimer that like, there doesn't actually need to be a canon fight obviously, for people to just write things this way and handwave that Dick and Roy had an epic falling out years ago and now they just hate one another or whatever, or just Roy hates him or vice versa. Obviously people are free to do what they want. They don't need a reason other than "I want to write it this way so Jason and Roy are friends and Jason doesn't have to 'share' him with Dick or have his friendship be overshadowed by their greater history together." That just happens to be a reason that no Dick Grayson fan is ever really going to be happy about, lol, for what should be perfectly obvious reasons, so it honestly shouldn't be surprising to people that fans of the source material often gripe about it.

Because yeah fanfic is a tremendous opportunity to transform the source material into something better, but if what's better for some fans actively takes away what was working perfectly well for other fans the original way, they're going to say that. Especially in a fandom where so many new fans take their view of the characters and their dynamics from fics rather than the source material - when fandom has that much of an influence on what new fans perceive to be 'canon,' fans are perfectly within their right to emphasize what is ACTUALLY canon and what isn't, so that new fans at least have the opportunity to determine for themselves what take they want to go with, instead of just accepting at face value that the nature of say, Dick and Roy's relationship is just that Roy hates Dick because of some mumble mumble ancient history vague mumble details not found mumble mumble fight.

[gwendeeagain]

How I wrote the Demon fic

Don't draw devil's traps in janitors' closets is one of my longest fic series I’ve ever written, the most notable of which would be my Demon Gakushuu fic, if you’ve seen it. 

In partial response to an ask post (link here), I’ve decided to revisit my writing of this fic series! It was quite a long journey for me and I think it might be fun (?) sharing it with everyone. It’s rather long, so I’ll tag it under “keep reading”. 

FYI this thread contains major spoilers for the fic (and would honestly make no sense if you do not have prior knowledge of it).

I'll just refer to the first fic in the series as Books because it has an insanely long title. Subsequent fics are in order Burgundy, Potential, Illuminate, Illuminate rewrite, and Addendum. The main series is linked here.

Addendum is not linked in the main series for reasons I'll explain below. (link here)

Books

I think one of my biggest mistakes writing Books is my lack of plot planning, and subsequently how thematically inconsistent it became. I start off most my fics with a rough idea of how I want the story to end, and a few good themes to carry me through the plot as I write, but for Books I started off with the first chapter and nothing else. If you followed the notes of my fic you'd probably have witnessed my gradual descent into uncertainty and despair as the fic spiralled out of my control due to how wrong I felt it was becoming.

The fic took a surprisingly hard toll on me. I absolutely hated it. I refused to mark it as complete because I was dissatisfied with how it ended. I thought that everyone was out of character, that I lost the original ending and goal in my head, that it was thematically messy such that I couldn't justify any ending I tried to come up with, and I was just grasping at straws trying to make it work. 

The three things that bothered me were Gakushuu’s wings, Koro-Sensei and the introduction of Aina. When I started this fic I had plans to kill off Koro-Sensei at the end, however as the fic went on it became a celebration of life and learning how to live, and I knew I couldn’t bring myself to have any death in this fic... but at the same time I had Gakushuu find a lot of meaning in Koro-Sensei’s (to-be) death and I didn’t want to undo that. The wings were on a similar note, because Gakushuu spend 50k words finding out who he is and accepting that he was different. Turning that message around and making him go back to being “the same” ate me up inside, but at the same time I set-up the Demon Society in such a way that they would kill Gakushuu if he didn’t have his wings, and it’s supposed to be a happy ending, dammit! Aina was a particularly egregious case because I threw her (and Ikeda) in without any prior warning at the very last minute. I already had a whole world and setting planned for them which I never got to expand on in the previous chapters because I was so anxious about the other two points, and when it came down to the last chapter I realized I had no set-up for these two, who were supposed to be major players in the finale. Basically I was bad at writing.

Even now I cannot fully articulate why it was terrible for me, but compounded with my real-life stressors, I suppose it just became a bit too much to deal with. (This is a piece of fiction that I am creating from scratch. If I can't even get this under control, what hope do I have for everything else?)

((For come disclosure I was never formally diagnosed with any mental illness, but my parents are the sort of people who don’t believe mental illness exists anyways. I would say that I’ve had depressive episodes when I was younger and sometimes even now, but I’ve learnt my ways of dealing with them!))

Burgundy

Four days later I published Burgundy, a short sequel to Books, very shortly after only because I had already finished writing by that time. I actually do still have several half-finished follow ups at that point, but I couldn't bring myself to complete any sequels because I couldn't even come to terms with the ending of the main story. (Those wips are lost to me now.) I think I was hoping that forcing myself to publish the sequel would show me that it was "no big deal" that the main fic didn't end the way I hoped it would, but it succeeded in making me feel worse.

Potential

About one month after that I wrote Potential. It was a three parter, somehow a fifth of the length of the main fic, that followed Gakuhou's perspective prior to the events of Books. It was a prequel which imo made it easier to write, because I still couldn't move on from Books yet. I think writing Potential was me trying to remind myself why I wrote Books in the first place, to perhaps reignite my original passion for the series. It's kind of funny to think about in hindsight, and a little meta, because Potential was a lead up to the events in Books. It worked... a little bit, I think. I still couldn't reconcile my feelings for the whole thing, but through it I got to revisit the original premise that I fell in love with and expand more on worldbuilding it. I could reprise Aina and Ikeda and finally write about the world I planned to introduce them in in the first fic and give more context and insights to how the demon society was supposed to work.

Illuminate

Six months after Potential, I ran into a comment that said, "what would Gakuhou have done if Gakushuu had died?" And for some reason it struck an epiphany in me. After that I wrote Illuminate in one night, cried myself to sleep, waited one more night to proofread it, and then published it. Illuminate was an AU to the first three fics in the series, and it was a fic about grief and mourning. Spoiler alert: I straight up killed Gakushuu in that fic. And somehow that was what I needed.

I quite literally killed my first fic - I upended the terrible ending I hated from Books - everything I had been uncertain about at first? I killed it. Plot points didn't fit my original plans? Killed it. (When I reread the death scene, I... honestly think I was unnecessarily cruel. I must have really been out of my mind when I wrote it, hah!)

And then I wrote myself a love story about missing it, grieving it, and finally letting go of it. It was heart wrenching for me - I made Gakuhou cry about what he lost, what could have been, what he realized he loved, and at the end of it all he could say "I love you and I can move on from you." And I did!

Illuminate (Rewrite)

Illuminate Rewrite, one year later, was me revisiting Illuminate to reflect on myself where I've come with this series. I actually just swapped the places of two paragraphs to change the mood at the end for something more contemplative. I elaborated a bit more on this in my notes for Rewrite, so I won't repeat them here.

Honestly, I still have a hard time coming back to reread Illuminate even after the whole debacle has happened. I attached a lot of emotions through my journey with this, and revisiting it each time takes quite a bit out of me.

Addendum

Addendum was just me having fun! After Illuminate, I managed to reconcile my feelings with the fic series. I was finally able to mark Books as complete and move on from it, and afterwards I wrote a fun little au sequel to Illuminate so that Gakushuu can live again. I could creatively expand on ideas and just do... whatever! It's more of a loose connection of plot points than a real fic, honestly.

Addendum follows Gakushuu in a future hundreds of years later, after every human who he's once known in Books has died. And... he moves on! Gets a job, makes friends, lives his life, and most importantly move on.

I chose to publish in a separate collection, however, because it was an incomplete story and I didn’t want to have a half-complete fic tacked on to what I have settled in my heart as a complete fic collection.

And that’s about it! <3

#karushuu #gakushuu asano #gwentriestothink

[dirty-urie]

Little Brendon

Second Person

Brendon x Female Reader

PFTW Era

Fluff(ish) Oneshot

PG-13? R?

3.6k Words

Warnings In Order of Appearance: real person fic, language throughout, arguably slight smut, minor dirty talk

Author's Notes:

1. I don't know how I got this idea or what possessed me to actually write it, to be honest, but I had fun, so I guess that's all that matters.

2. Posting this in honor of the anniversary of the show I went to on the first leg of the Wicked tour, which was technically yesterday, but this fic wasn’t done yesterday, so here it is now.

“Awww, little Brendon,” you gush at the computer screen.

“Please tell me you aren’t looking at pictures of my penis,” Brendon says, walking into the room.

You laugh, rolling your eyes. “Not that your ego couldn’t use a little bruising, but no, I’m not cooing at your nudes. Merch wants you to sign off on the final photos of the Beebo plush, and look how cute he is!” You shift the computer monitor so he can see what you’re looking at.

“Why are you going through my email?”

“You always ignore emails from Merch, and I like looking at all of the new Panic designs!”

“Babe, I work ten hours a day; I don’t want to do anything I don’t have to. Merch will use whatever designs they think will sell well. They don’t actually need my approval. Those sign-off emails are just a formality.”

You pout. “I know, I know. I won’t go through your email anymore.”

“Good,” he says, relieved. "I wouldn’t want you to discover all the messages from my mistresses.”

“You’re a jackass,” you call, flipping him off as he leaves the room with a smirk.

***

“I’m gonna miss you,” you pout, leaning against the door frame to your bedroom.

He kisses your forehead and puts another pair of sweatpants in a suitcase. “You can’t wait for me to leave. You get to have the girls over, watch all your shitty movies, and you won’t have to deal with my dirty underwear or noisy video games in your nice living room.”

You take the t-shirt he’s about to pack out of his hands and throw it on the bed, pulling him into a kiss. You slip your hands under the waistband of his pants to grope his ass. You pull away. “Mhm, that’s what I thought. I don’t ever have to deal with dirty underwear because you never wear any.”

“Hey! Don’t slut-shame me! You love having such easy access to this body.” He gestures to his body with a strange flailing arm motion.

“You know what? You’re right. I can’t wait for you to leave.”

He side-eyes you. “Well, in that case, you won’t want the present I got you.” He shrugs, refolding his shirt.

Your eyes light up, and you go kiss him again. “Have I ever told you how much I love you? Because it’s a lot. Enough to justify a really nice present,” You say after he pulls away.

“That’s what I thought. I guess you’ll get your present after all. Close your eyes,” Brendon says.

You close your eyes, and he hands you something soft. You open your eyes, and it’s Brendon’s likeness in plush form. He’s wearing Brendon’s tour outfit with a gold jacket over a black tee and black leather pants.

“Little Brendon!” you exclaim, seeing the toy in your hands. “Aww, it’s even got your lips and little eyebrow scar! Thank you, babe.” You kiss him and then Little Brendon. “Now I have someone to keep me company while you’re off getting bitches on tour.”

“Oh, come on, babe,” he says, putting his hand on your shoulder and looking into your eyes, “they’re not bitches, they’re groupies.”

You smack his arm affectionately and then push him onto the bed to crawl on top of him. “Maybe you should practice for the groupies. Wouldn’t want you to kill their rockstar fantasies because you’re out of experience.”

He flips you over and rolls on top of you, nipping at your neck. “Out of experience? What, pray tell, have we been doing every day for the past two weeks, if not building my experience?” he asks with disbelief, punctuating each point with a bite or kiss. “Remember when I made you come twelve times in one hour before I let myself come? Or when we fucked on the roof of my studio when the neighbors were out of town? Or when you fucked my ass with that new toy, the one that vibrates?”

“Shit, shit, point taken,” you moan, grinding up against him while he bears down on you.

His phone pings, and he slows his hips to grab it from the side table. “Fuck, Zack’s out front. I’ve gotta go.”

You grab the front of his shirt and yank him down for a deep, dirty kiss.

He’s reluctant to pull away, but his other love is calling. Tour, that is, not Zack.

“Okay, let me up, loverboy. I’ll help bring your stuff out to the car,” you tell him.

“Thank you. Most of my instruments and stuff are already with the guys, but I’ve still got two suitcases and a backpack.”

You both stand up, and he grabs the suitcases, leaving you with the backpack. “You’re not gonna readjust, rockstar?” You ask, eyeing his tented sweatpants.

He shrugs, “My hands are full, and it’s nothing Zack hasn’t seen before.”

“You just like showing off,” you accuse, and he smirks a little and winks because you’re not wrong.

You walk him to the car and give him a final goodbye kiss. “I love you to death. Knock their socks off, babe.”

***

Without fail, the one-week mark hits you like a truck. You’ve had your fun with girlfriends, and you’ve enjoyed the peace and quiet, but your bed is empty, and it’s weighing on your chest. Even the puppies seem a little more glum without Brendon.

You feel silly, but finally, after two nights of crying yourself to sleep, you give in and grab little Brendon from your dresser and cuddle up with him.

***

Two weeks later and you and the real Brendon are half-asleep, snuggled up against each other in the nicest hotel room in Houston. You can only spend two nights with him, and you refuse to let him go for even a second more than you have to. Which he did not appreciate when he had to use the bathroom, but it’s his fault for leaving you for so long.

“Baby, I’ve got an interview, but I’ll bring back breakfast, and we’ll eat in bed, okay? I’m really sorry,” He whispers apologetically, peeling away from you.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s what you have to do to pay the bills. Can you hand me Little B? He’s in my purse,” you ask, and Brendon obliges without comment, probably just happy you’re not crying.

You fall back asleep with the little guy in your arms.

Brendon knows it’s irrational when he comes back three hours later at 8 am, and he feels a tiny twinge of jealousy at the plush you’re cuddled up with. However, he feels it is not irrational that he’s upset when he climbs into bed with you, and instead of immediately clinging to him like always, you just clutch Little Brendon harder. Almost as if protecting the toy from Brendon.

“Y/N, I’m back,” he whispers in your ear, half-hoping you’ll throw the doll on the ground and roll over to make burning hot love to him for 12 hours straight. That’ll show Little Brendon. Well, no, it won’t, he has stuffing where his brain should be, but it’ll show him on principle.

You do roll over to throw an arm across him, but you still have little Brendon tucked under your other arm.

Brendon decides to call this one a draw.

“Did you bring food?” You mumble.

“Of course, darling. I’ll do anything to spoil you. That’s one of the perks of having a driver’s license and sentience.”

“…What?”

“Nothing. I’ll get your food.”

He insists on feeding you and rubbing your feet, and letting you watch whatever you want on the hotel TV. And it’s just because he wants to take care of you while you two are together. Definitely no other reason. He certainly feels no joy at the sight of Little Brendon lying discarded on the nightstand. Point Real Brendon.

After the day of pampering, it pains you when you check the clock, and it’s time to leave. “Alright, I’ve gotta head out, B. I can’t miss my flight,” you finally say, changing from Brendon’s T-shirt into real clothes.

Brendon thinks about protesting, but he knows better. You have your own life apart from him, and he respects that.

You cram your stuff in your overnight bag and give your goodbye hugs and kisses to Brendon. Then you kiss Little B before throwing him in your purse. You think you see Brendon scowl at your new companion, but you were probably just imagining it.

***

“Surprise!” Brendon shouts as he opens the door.

“Babe! Thank god I sent the strippers home early,” you joke as he sits next to you on the couch.

“Shit, I missed the strippers?”

“You fucking goof,” you laugh, playing with his hair. “What are you doing home early?”

“Nicole needed to come home for some emergency with her house, so I figured I’d charter the plane and zip down with her and Zack to spend the night with my beautiful wife.”

“God, that must’ve cost an arm and a leg, B.”

He shrugs, “Nah, we were only in Portland anyway, and it’s easier than finding a new bassist on short notice. This way, Nicole and I can be back for the San Jose show tomorrow night, and I get a whole twelve hours at home with my girl and my puppies.”

“Oh, well, I’m glad it worked out for everyone. Especially me,” you say, shifting to sit in Brendon’s lap.

You two finish up the episode you were watching before you insist that he comes to bed because he’s overworked and jetlagged. He’s sleepy and doesn’t need that much convincing, but he tries to put up a fight anyway.

“I only get a little bit of time with you; I don’t want to spend it sleeping,” he complains.

“This is the hardest I’ve ever had to work to get you in my bed,” you respond, yanking him to his feet.

His eyes light up, and you shake your head. “No, sir. We’re not having sex. You’re getting at least seven hours of sleep in your own bed with the love of your life, and then you’re going to take a shower, make me breakfast, and give San Jose the show of their lives. You’ll literally see me again in two days when I come to the LA show.”

He bites his lip, still trying to lay the seduction on thick.

“No! Bed! Or I’m making you sleep in the guest room!”

He sighs, trudging along behind you to the bedroom.

“Um, babe, I think you forgot to kick out your mistress before I got home,” he says, gesturing to his side of the bed where little Brendon is tucked into the comforter.

You scowl playfully. “Oh, shush you. Where else should I put him while making the bed?”

“I don’t know, but letting my replacement sleep in my spot feels a little on the nose.”

“He’s not your replacement, baby.”

“Really?” Brendon asks, picking up Little Brendon and getting into bed, “because” he sniffs Little Brendon’s head, “I’m pretty sure Little Brendon is wearing my fifty dollar cologne.”

You blush, “Okay, well I take him everywhere, and I didn’t want him to smell, and it’s not like I could use any of my perfumes…” you taper off, realizing that you may have given yourself away with the ‘take him everywhere’ line.

He narrows his eyes but doesn’t say anything else before clicking out the light.

“Hey, Brendon?” You ask quietly.

“Mm?”

“Um, what did you do with Little B?”

Brendon clicks on the light. “Ah-ha! J’accuse! You’ve replaced me!”

“I just don’t want the dogs to rip him up and then leave me to clean up stuffing all morning!” You defend yourself.

“Well then, you won’t mind me putting him up on the dresser.”

“Of course, I won’t mind.”

Brendon puts Little B on the dresser and goes back to bed, so imagine his surprise when instead of waking up tangled in your arms the next morning, he’s not even touching you on the king bed. Instead, you’re hugging Little Bastard with your nose buried in his fabric hair.

Little B’s smirk taunts Brendon as he storms out of bed to make his damn wife breakfast. His damn wife.

***

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m gonna come,” you whine, rubbing your hips frantically.

“Come,” he commands. “Let me see that pretty mouth fall open as you come all over our bedsheets, pretty girl.”

The angle on your clit is perfect, and the image of him getting off on your phone right along with you pushes you into bliss, and your orgasm rocks through your core. You know you’ve affected him when you hear him grunt as come rolls down his fist.

“God, babe, you’re incredible, from a completely different country, fuck, a completely different continent, you still turn me on like crazy,” he admires.

“I could say the same about you. I came so hard just from getting to hear and see you.” You tell him before accidentally dropping your phone. “Shit, sorry, my fingers are a little wet.

Brendon would normally just be admiring the soaked panties he’s getting a glimpse of, but instead, his attention is drawn between your thighs for a different reason.

“Were you getting off by humping Little Brendon?!”

“It’s not what it looks like, okay?” You say, picking up the phone. “He’s the perfect firmness, and he’s way easier to manage than a clunky pillow! It’s purely physical!”

Brendon scoffs, “I’ve bought you thousands of dollars in sex toys, and you turn to him? In our marital bed? I’m being cuckolded by polyester!”

“Brendon, it’s a stuffed animal, not the pool boy. You come back from England in three days, and you can fuck me however you want. Y’know, because of your functioning dick, tongue, and fingers?”

“Just as long as I don’t come back to find you rimming the stuffed tiger from Calvin and Hobbes,” he teases with a smile.

“Hm, is degrading Winnie the Pooh out of the question, too, then? because if that’s the case, then I’ll need to find different plans for tomorrow evening.”

He gives you a pointed look, feigning seriousness before cracking a grin. “Alright, alright, thank you for the orgasm. I’ll see you on Tuesday,” he says before blowing you a kiss before hanging up.

“That plush better count his days,” Brendon mumbles to himself before falling asleep.

***

“Do you want me to go with you to the store?” He offers.

“No, baby, enjoy some of your time at home. I’ll just bring my other husband for emotional support.” You toss Little Brendon in your purse.

“I remember when I was your emotional support at the grocery store…” Brendon starts, looking off into the distance.

“Yeah, me too, and you were terrible. You hated it. Rest assured, I’ll make you come back to the grocery store another time, but right now, I’m being nice because you just got back from tour. And you still have the dishes and the vacuuming to do.”

“Aye, aye, captain. Don’t let the paparazzi catch you smooching Little Brendon while I’m at home doing your dirty work,” he calls as you leave.

“No promises! He’s very tempting!”

***

“You never snuggle with me anymore,” Brendon pouts after you reject his advances in bed.

“It’s August, and you’re hot,” you complain, and he gives you a suggestive look. “Not that kind of hot, Casanova. I mean two minutes in, and you’re sweating all over me. It’s uncomfortable.”

“You snuggled with Little Brendon when I was gone!” He accuses.

“Yes, because I’ve grown accustomed to sleeping with something in my arms, and Little Brendon doesn’t sweat, or snore, or wake me up in the morning with his cock pressing into my thigh, or bicker with me about how I choose to sleep,” you explain, annoyed. Brendon looks genuinely upset, so you soften your face. “When the temperature isn’t in the triple digits, and we don’t literally stick together when we touch, we can cuddle. Okay?”

“Fine.”

***

“Bogart, hey buddy, look at this toy for you to chew on. Bite, bite, bite, kill,” he says, throwing Little Brendon to Bogart.

Bogart sighs and rests his head on Little Brendon like a pillow.

“First my wife and now my dog,” Brendon shouts, throwing his hands up in frustration.

“Okay, this has gone on long enough,” you tell him, alerting him to your presence in the doorframe. “Sit,” you order, pointing to the couch. “Brendon, you’re jealous of a toy,” you state bluntly.

He blushes and grabs his stuffed enemy. “It’s not about the toy,” he finally admits.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

“It’s just,” he struggles to find the right words, “I love touring. I love seeing all the different cities on my days off, meeting fans, partying with different bands, and most of all playing shows.” He takes a deep breath. “But I also love you. I love waking up with you, going out to dinner, watching you get off on my thigh, and just getting to be near you. So when I have to be away from you to tour, sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice, and seeing you do the things I want to do with you with the stupid Beebo plush instead, kept bringing all of those feelings to the forefront” he confesses.

“Oh, B, of course, you made the right choice. I love you, and I miss you when you’re gone sometimes, but I love our life. I love getting my independence when you’re gone, visiting you on-tour, watching you do what you love, having super hot reunion sex. So yeah, sometimes I just wanna squeeze you and smell your cologne and kiss your little face, but I’d never want you to sacrifice your career for that,” you say. “You wanna know why I like Little B so much?”

“Because he’s so good for humping?”

“No,” you laugh, “well, yes, actually, he is. But it’s because he reminds me why I spend some nights alone and hop on dreadful red-eye flights every few weeks and have to hook up with my husband on a fucking bus. So you can put on this dumb gold jacket,” you fiddle with Little Brendon’s jacket, “and perform the songs you worked so hard on for hundreds of thousands of people, and then sell thousands of these dumb little dolls so we can live in a multi-million dollar house with a home studio and a heated pool.”

“So you’re not replacing me with the puppet doll?” He asks.

“Well, maybe a little, but sometimes you feel so intangible. Even when you’re here, I know you have other, more important obligations, so it’s nice to have something constant,” you laugh, “and I think Bogart feels the same way,” you say, pointing to the dog who is curled around his new friend protectively.

***

“You’ve created a monster!”

“Have not!”

“You were the one who gave him Little Brendon!”

Brendon’s eyes dart to the floor because you’re right.

Bogart grew attached to Little Brendon faster than you did and now gently carries the toy with him wherever he goes. If you try to reclaim Little Brendon, Bogart growls and snarls.

“It’s kind of cute, I guess. He’s protecting his daddy,” you say.

“Then it’s your fault for putting my cologne on him,” Brendon retorts.

“Ugh, fine,” you concede.

“Oh look, he’s dropped it,” Brendon points out.

At first, you think it’s a good thing, but you both recognize the look Bogart’s giving.

“Go, Bog! Get it!” Brendon cackles as the dog pounces.

“Oh no, you don’t, bad dog,” you scold, snatching the toy away. “If you wanna hump something, I think Zack’s coming over tonight, but we don’t do that to mommy’s things.”

Brendon’s still laughing his ass off, and you shoot him a dirty look. “C’mon, babe, you’ve blue-balled him,” Brendon says, pointing to the sad-looking dog.

“Bogart is fixed and doesn’t have balls, a characteristic you two will soon have in common if you don’t stop giggling like a ten-year-old,” you threaten, and he, wisely, shuts up. “That’s what I thought. And if anything, this is just vindication for me because I told you Little Brendon was good for humping, and you dismissed it,” you tell him.

“Okay, fine, there was a brief period of time when I was irrationally jealous of a toy,” he admits. “But I think you should get another taste of the real thing before you decide who’s the better lay once and for all,” Brendon says, picking you up and carrying you to the bedroom.

“Brendon!” You lightheartedly protest in his arms.

***

You’re lying on his chest contentedly as he strokes your arm. “You wanna know what I miss the most about getting to cuddle with you when you’re touring? Something Little Brendon doesn’t give me?”

“Hm?”

“Your heartbeat. Feeling it under my head or under my palm. Especially if we’re lying together for a while. I love how it slows and steadies the longer we’re with each other. So comforting.”

***

Little Brendon is sitting on your bed with a card that says, “Squeeze me!” on the front. You squeeze the plush, and you immediately recognize Brendon’s heartbeat coming softly from the chest of the toy. You smile and pick up the card.

Hey, baby! It reads, I’m no doubt missing you on the second leg of tour right now, but if you really need some comfort, I hope this’ll do. The recording lasts about an hour, and I made sure it got down to my resting heart rate before it stops. I’m sorry for being a jealous dick about a stuffed animal, but even my possessive lizard brain wants you to have something to make you feel better if you’re ever stressed or upset. (And now that the Beebo plushies are officially for sale, you can rest easy knowing yours is special)

xoxoxo,

Brendon

#why did i write this? #brendon urie fanfiction #Brendon x Reader #my own work #brendon urie #panic! at the disco #panic at the disco #brendon urie smut #brendon urie fluff

[maxwell-grant]

OK, I know this will probably be painful, and I may be a bad mutual for asking but...would you be willing to identify what, in your opinion are the bottom five worst Shadow adaptations, and give a detailed breakdown of why they were so lousy?

Oh christ, okay. I don't think you're gonna get as much of a detailed breakdown for these compared to some of the others, because I take more issue with adaptations that do have good qualities but also big or deep problems to talk about.

For example, I can't include Garth Ennis's Shadow in this list because the comic has a lot of strong points to it, despite a deeply, deeply detestable take on The Shadow's character, where as the rest of the Dynamite run doesn't reach neither the lows or highs of his run. Likewise, Andy Helfer's run has a couple or a couple dozen moments every issue that make me want to tear something to shreds in frustration, but it's also at many points a really good comic with great art and some occasionally very inspired writing. Really, I'd just be repeating myself talking about what I hate in those.

But, fine, let's list some of the others.

I think I'm just gonna have to get the elephant in the room out of the way here, and address that I won't be including Si Spurrier's 2017 Dynamite mini in this list, and I think at least some of you might be angry it's not Number 1 by default. I'm doing this because I intend to one day really revisit it, think about it and it's reception and what it was trying to do, and talk about it on it's own, now that it's been 5 years and everyone has moved on and we can maybe talk about it without kneejerk hatred driving everyone nuts (your mileage may vary on how warranted it was).

I'm also not going to be talking about James Patterson's new novel, because I haven't read it. It seems to be considered a forgettable potboiler by mainstream critics and a resounding failure by everyone who likes the character whether they've read the book or not, and frankly I don't have it in me to learn what the fuzz was about anytime soon, I got my hands way too full as is.

And I won't be including the Batman x Shadow crossovers here, because again, they do have a lot of virtues that put them far ahead of some of the really worst Shadow media, and I've talked enough about how badly I think they mangled The Shadow, which is really the big problem I have with them (well, that and Tim Sale blatantly copying a Michael Kaluta cover, that was really shitty). I don't really hate them anymore, I just get tired and frustrated thinking about parts of them, I said my piece as is. Really, my frustration over this comic is what inspired me to start writing about The Shadow here, so I guess in a way I do owe it at least that much.

5: Archie Comics's Shadow

I think some of you might be wondering why this isn't ranked higher, but to be honest, I don't actually harbor any hatred towards this. I mean, I have to include it, but I find it kinda silly that some people even today actually care about the existence of this comic enough to hate it.

For fans back then? Oh yeah, obviously, but this dropped to such instantaneous backlash that it never really got to live past 6 issues. Really, everything wrong about it can be understood immediately from the covers, and I've actually read the comic in it's entirety to see if there was anything worth taking. I found only a couple of things of note but, no, this really is just a painfully mediocre superhero comic that happens to have a couple of Shadow names in it. If anything, it gets too much credit.

The actual contents of what it is are never going to justify it's reputation, but the existence of it and the disproportionate response to it is the funniest and most enduring legacy it could ever ask for. This whole comic is The Shadow's version of Spongebob's embarassing Christmas photo.

4: David Liss's The Shadow Now

This is another "The Shadow as an immortal in modern times" comic and I think you may have noticed the pattern with those by now. I may revisit this eventually and I do have some moments from it saved for reference, but overall: It sucks, and it doesn't even suck in a way that lets me talk much about it, it's a diet version of Chaykin's Shadow. If Archie's Shadow is a generic mediocre superhero comic wearing The Shadow's name, this is a generic crime story playing beats from movie. The Shadow is an asshole and not even a grandiose or sinister one, he just feels like a sleazy douche in a costume. The art is a 50/50 coin toss between appropriately moody and "Google images with a filter on them", I don't remember anything about the plot other than Khan had a bomb again and he had a daughter, and there were new versions of the agents and the Harry stand-in turned evil and Lamont shacked up with Margo's descendant which, uh, no. I don't really hate this but I really have nothing nice to say about this comic other than Colton Worley's art is nice sometimes. I can't really muster anything else to say here.

3: Invisible Avenger

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZ...

...uuh, wha-

Yeah, I remember nothing about this one other than it's painfully boring and nothing about it, nothing at all, works in the slightest and I drift off to sleep even now trying to give this a rewatch. To be honest pretty much every other Shadow serial not starred by Victor Jory sucks and I don't really have anything to say about them, this one is just the worst of the lot. I dearly wish there was a good Shadow tv series but, if it was going to be like this pilot? Good riddance.

2: Harlan Ellison's The New York Review of Bird

This isn't really a Shadow story as much as it's a Harlan Ellison story that happens to feature The Shadow, but man am I glad that Ellison's "Dragon Shadows" was canned, because holy shit what a goddamn nightmare Harlan Ellison writing The Shadow for real could have been, going purely by the one time he ever touched the character. New York Review of Bird is a purely farcical parody story that wears real, real thin even before "Uncle Kent" shows up, and we get to see in it what is by far the most detestable and irredeemable take on The Shadow ever put on print, and not even in a critique or deconstructive way or anything that could be remotely worth discussing.

I don't hold any particular affection for Harlan Ellison and his writing (despite liking some of it) and I've come to notice the major red flag that is finding someone who looks up to Harlan Ellison in any capacity as a person, and this story in particular really feels like Ellison aggressively trying to channel his jackass tendencies through every line, just him being nasty because he built a personal brand on being nasty. The only reason this isn't Number One is because it's a very short story that saw zero influence or reputation, and thus it only exists as a brief mention in The Shadow wiki, and a brief mention is all it really calls for.

1: Howard Chaykin's Blood & Judgment

I'm guessing most of you already knew this one was in the top spot before I started writing.

I would actually rather not write a big piece on Blood & Judgment, because I think (or at least I hope) it's influence on The Shadow has waned a lot over the years and I would prefer to draw it the least amount of attention possible, but if I HAVE to talk about this, I guess I'd rather just vomit this out of my circuits now instead of giving it it's own post.

I would prefer to use a less unpleasant image on my blog, but if I'm going to talk about this comic, there's no image to better convey it than this drawing of macho asshole Cranston holding a sexualized mannequin at gunpoint. By leaps and bounds, Blood & Judgment is the most misogynistic Shadow story I've ever read. It's ironic that Chaykin justified the rampant misogyny he gave The Shadow with the idea that this is just a man from the 30s would act like, when he admits in the same breath that he never even touched the stories, and he wrote a story more sexist and demeaning to it's female characters than anything, literally anything, written in the Shadow pulps. It's almost impressive even.

I'll paste some segments from Randy Raynaldo's review

In Flagg, he intended to present his own point of view on American society while keeping his work tongue in cheek and acessible. But this vision dimmed, and Flagg had become a vehicle by which Chaykin could play out fetishes and portray gratuitous and stylish violence.

In The Shadow, stripped of the political and social veneer which was supposed to make Flagg unique, Chaykin's sensibilities and excesses become disturbingly apparent. For all of his liberal posturing, Chaykin's work demonstrates zero difference from the same kind of mentality exploited and made popular by similarly violent popular culture icons like Dirty Harry and Death Wish.

More than half a dozen individuals are indiscriminately and violently murdered in the first issue. Although the victims are characters who played major roles in the myth of The Shadow, we feel little sympathy for them, even for those of us who knew these characters at the outset. Who dies is unimportant, it's how they die that is the fascination.

Chaykin uses sexual decadence as a means by which to establish villains, and undercuts this device by making the protagonists as promiscuous as the villains. For all of Chaykin's seemingly liberal leanings, he demonstrates very little sensitivity in his portrayal of women.

Because everything works on rules of three, this comic also follows the pattern with other works mentioned here, as this isn't Howard Chaykin writing The Shadow: it's The Shadow reimagined as a Howard Chaykin character. He looks and acts exactly like Reuben Flagg and the typical macho protagonist of Chaykin's other works, he's a cynical sleaze with an entirely new origin who half-assedly dons a garb to machine gun people, and I already wrote a separate piece on why the machineguns are kind of emblematic of everything wrong with this take.

I understand that Chaykin has, or used to have, a big following of sorts, and I've tried to wrap my head around this for years, but I genuinely still don't get why Shadow fans stomach this comic unless they happen to be Chaykin fans first and foremost, I really don't. Everything, fucking everything Shadow fans hate about modern depictions of the character can be traced right back to this. The parts that stuck and changed the character for the worse, like him being defined as an immortal, bloodthirsty warmonger who got all his skills and powers from a magic city in Tibet, or Lamont Cranston being a coward who fears and hates the Shadow, or his agents being expendable slaves, stuff that has been ingrained into the mythos through this and the Alec Baldwin movie and other comics, to the point that people now think of it as the norm, that it's the baseline of what The Shadow is, and I hate it, I genuinely fucking hate it,

I hate it so much that it's a big part of the reason why I created this blog and why I want so badly to get to write The Shadow, because I plainly couldn't stand not having ways to tell people that this is all wrong, that this is actively shooting down the character's odds for success, and that they are missing out on something really great, because the well has been tainted with garbage that won't go away and everytime I read the words Shambala in a Shadow comic, even an otherwise good or great one, I get just a wee bit cross.

The only semi-redeeming aspects I can think of for this comic is one or two cool moments, like when The Shadow hijacks a concert using his Devil's Whisper or when he tames dogs with a stare. Just breadcrumbs of "not garbage" amidst an ocean of anything but. I hate that talking about why I hate this comic in-length can almost feel like I'm still enticing people to check it out of curiosity, but if you wanna do that, fine, just know this: The worst part of Blood & Judgment, even if you don't care at all about what it did to The Shadow, is that it's boring.

It is a deeply boring comic. If you like Howard Chaykin to begin with, you'll probably like this okay (although even Chaykin fans told me that this is his weakest work and that even he seems to agree). If you don't, I plain don't see what you could get out of this.

The comic itself is just nothing. It's the comic book equivalent of a pre-schooler trying to get a reaction by swearing. It has nothing whatsoever other than half-assed attempts at shock value. The plot isn't there, the ideas are stale, the dialogue is needlessly oblique and comprised entirely of unfinished sentences, interrupted conversations and one-liners without build-up. The characters are all unlikable and uninteresting stooges with no personality, or joyless cartoons. There's no heart or emotion or logic, and it isn't even funny enough to succeed as just an outrageous exercise in 80s excess. There's nothing in here.

I get "why" it was popular enough at the time, a rising star creator penning a modern revival of an old character based on controversy that pissed off the old fans, it's an old story that still gets repeated today. But manufactured controversy is not a replacement for storytelling and it rarely ever exists to benefit the people who actually want to enjoy the stories, it only benefits those for the crude benefit of those who want to sell you something out of the controversy.

I guess they got their money's worth back then.

------------------------------------------------

Phew, okay, I did it, I finally vomited out a piece on Blood & Judgment and some others, allright, let's put this piece of negativity behind us now.

#replies tag #the shadow #pulp heroes #shadow comics #shadow films #dc comics

[antiloreolympus]

8 Anti LO Asks

1. It doesn’t really make sense for a long term comic such as LO to have such a drastic change in the artstyle, and even more you can’t really call it an improvement when all the interesting parts of the art style are now gone and all that it is now it’s just some basic same-face and body art style with barely any backgrounds. RS is incredibly talented for illustrative artwork and it’s really a shame she’s not doing that anymore and instead has left it to her team, with leaving them very messy sketches. The artstyle in the beginning had life and glamour and now it’s just very dull and boring. That’s not an improvement

2. I genuinely can’t think of any man in LO that’s even half way decent. Poseidon maybe? Hephaestus? Those are the only two I can manage, meanwhile the rest are either Rachel purposely ruining them because of her own biases (Zeus, Apollo, Thanatos to an extent) or are “good” men who are just creeps who disrespect all the women around them and are super creepy and obsessed over a literal teenager who acts like a child (Hades, Ares, Hermee, Eros, etc). The women aren’t much better either. 

3. About Perse making Hades childish: (this is no way defending him, just some speculation, and tbh I doubt that RS has thought this through haha) I wonder if he becomes a horny teenager around her because she’s a goddess of fertility? Would that have any affect on him? Doesn’t excuse his creepy ass behavior, but could explain it a bit, I guess?

4. Okay so I'll be honest I dont really see any reason to 'simp' over Any of the LO characters?

Also, not to start sh*t, but - I think part of the reason why some of the LO fandom does not like Zeus (and perhaps gives Hera more leeway - at least in terms of cheating) is because:

Mythologically Zeus is a known cheater / rapist (Io for example, or Semele)

They see Hera cheating a Zeus as okay (its not) because he's been known to cheat on her in the past / fans see Hera cheating on Zeus with Hades as 'justified revenge' for what he's (Zeus) put her through

I'll be honest I dont really see Zeus (or Hades for that matter) as good rulers because

Despite other deities (like Eros) doing 'acts of wrath' - they get away with it because they often have someone to back them up (like Aphrodite offering to sleep with Zeus to get her son out of trouble) - but the one time Persephone does something wrong (an act of wrath) - Zeus wants to give her the Prometheus treatment - mainly so he can feel like an in control king whos subjects respect him

The reason this sound so odd is because of RS writing choices. Zeus is a grade A d*ck who is willing to destroy a 'young girls promising career' because she made 1 mistake that one time. But at the same time the act of wrath is framed oddly because Demeter doesn't want her daughter to get in trouble so she covers it up (its like the equivalent of hiding a murder from the cops).

Zeus wanting to Prometheus Kore seems overly harsh because she is a Child. (Well a teenager) - so it adds to the "Zeus is a d*ck" card, because she doesnt have the life experience to "get away with" stuff like the other deities because she is young AND sheltered.

Like again, the whole concept of Human Laws applying to Gods is so confusing:

Would Zeus have been this harsh if Demeter had simply come forward in the first place about Persephone's murder rampage? Why did she blackmail / get other deities involved to cover it up? Is Zeus THAT much of a d*ck in Demeters eyes that she knows he would harshly punish a child for something "she didnt mean to do" (killed mortals based on a feeling?)

Why is there a motherf*cking trial in the first place? Do All the other deities get the right to a fair trial or is this a special case? (Like can any deity just offer to sleep with Zeus and he'll let them off the hook?). If the other deities had commited the same crime would the trial / punishment be the same or does Zeus just have a rage boner because he was lied to? If thats the case then why are the other deities taking Persephones side during the trial? (Ares I can maybe understand cause hes the God of War and stuff but everyone else is taking Perse's side because their either her personal friend or family member (Hecate, Hermes, Demeter, Hades etc).

Why are there certain laws like "Zeus cant get to Persephone because she has clemency in the underworld" but other deities - including Leto, Demeter and others (like Perse's nymph family) can just stroll into Hades house? Why is Hermes still on house arrest? Why are Hades + Persephone throwing a house party when shes on trial for scythe crimes??!!!

Why are the gods bound by such petty squabbles?

The way RS set up the governing "laws" in universe just doesnt make a whole lotta sense. Also, sorry this got ramblely.  

5. Tbh i don’t think that Hades acting differently when he’s with Persephone is a bad thing, as a concept. But there are many issues with this such as the fact that Persephone is barely legal and Hades act like an actual child around her. Obviously when you’re with someone they are going to act different than they do when they are at work. The problem is that Hades essentially goes from the “cold-scary king” to a 17 year old hormonal boy when he’s with Persephone. And him making out with her in a middle of a store or them golfing with diamonds or him making out with Persephone again in front of his workplace is not exactly acceptable behaviour from a king. If Hades acts all lovey-dovey with Persephone when their at their home together it’s different, but when they’re at a public place they can’t really do that. I would say that he has to keep a status about him but from what we’ve seen all the citizens of the underworld hate him and don’t respect him at all, from yelling at him to actually fighting with him, so idk how much status there is actually attached to him 

6. I swear, the majority of the “cute” HxP moments in LO just seem like a single father dealing with his hyperactive 8 year old over the supposed future intimidating rulers who Rachel is obsessed about talking and drawing their sex life. Is it really that hard to depict Persephone even acting like a smart teenager at the very least, as opposed to an airhead grade schooler? It doesn’t scream cute to me, it seems more like a father/daughter relationship. It’s just weird. 

7. i mean, i have a LO oc who's persephone's brother (fertility god) between demeter and zeus. dude got thrown into tartyrus to cover up the affair and now serves cronus. he was the god of summer, and my reasoning was demeter's seasons/harvest + summer thunderstorms. wrote a whole minific i will never post about him and persephone realizing everyone around them are assholes and healing together. so the mistress-of-zeus oc isnt that weird.

8. I’m not a Zeus stan by any means, but I do find him one of the most interesting characters, and one that RS has, in her attempts to make him be the worst ever to make Hades look better, actually way more interesting and compelling than the majority of the cast. He doesn’t lie or whine to the audience he’s some good person like Hades when he’s not, he owns that he’s a dick and doesn’t bullshit the audience into thinking he’s someone he’s not. RS tries to show us he’s a “bad” king, yet we see no proof it beyond what, he wants to uphold the law P broke and doesnt kiss Hades’ butt? That’s not a bad king, it’s a good one that he doesn’t let family ties or lust cloud his judgement, unlike Hades or Hera, for example. I don’t condone his cheating either, but it’s not fair to hate him for it, but love it that Hades cheated on Minthe so he could get into a teenager’s skirt and praise Hera for sleeping with her brother in law while punishing Zeus’ mistresses because she’s being a fake “loyal” wife. Just because he’s a deeply flawed, even a bad person doesn’t make him a bad character. Hades and Hera and even Persephone are awful people who do worse than Zeus, yet they’re loved and praised for it, all while being written with the depth of a puddle. 

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

[blossom-hwa]

Danger: Ruby - JUYEON

Only one part in this chapter!

Pairing: Juyeon x gender neutral!reader

Genre: fluff, angst, fantasy, royalty!au

Triggers: death, semi-graphic depictions of blood

Word Count: 5.9k

Lesson 5: dreams can find their way into reality. And often, when they do, they mean something.

Previous: Obsidian >> Ruby >> Next: Onyx

TBZ Masterlist | Danger | Kingdom

[ Taglist will be in a reblog! Send a dm or an ask to be added! ]

Juyeon isn’t stupid. He knows there’ll be ivory soldiers patrolling the shrine when he gets there. Somin may be murderous, but she has a brain – a very big one at that – and thus knows how to be cautious. Of course she’d have people stationed to protect one of the most important pieces of her vicious plan.

But he didn’t expect this.

He ducks down with a curse. Kevin and Jacob follow suit. “Why are there so many?”

Neither Kevin nor Jacob replies, but the grim looks on their faces tell him they know the answer. Juyeon knows it, too. More soldiers here means either Somin’s been growing her army, or things are going better than expected at the front of the war so she has reserves to send back here.

Neither option bodes well for him.

“How are we supposed to get in?” Kevin mutters, peering around the hill at white pinpricks of guards on the otherwise green landscape. The scene reminds Juyeon of fluffy sheep on a pasture, just a lot more dangerous.

“I’ve been here once to see Changmin.” Jacob sits down. “If there’s a gap in the guards, I can create a door and shift us in.” A grimace slides across his face. “Kevin, you can’t come. Only royalty and those of magic blood can enter the shrine. Honestly, I’m already stretching it, since my magic rank is barely high enough to justify a visit.”

Kevin doesn’t look happy at all with that, but he nods. “I’ll stay as close as I can, then, in case anything goes wrong.”

“Right.” Jacob looks back at Juyeon. “I can’t perform magic inside this shrine. I’d have to create the door so that we shift right to the edge of the grounds, as close as I can get. If guards are around…”

“Well, they can’t follow us in.” Juyeon grimaces. “As long as they still respect the laws of the Board.”

Judging by the looks on his two friends’ faces, they have about as much hope for that as Juyeon does. The guards themselves might be good people, but soldiers are loyal to their kingdom, not necessarily to the Board’s balance (though usually, those two go hand in hand). If the queen gave them different orders, Juyeon and Jacob are screwed.

“Go at night,” Kevin decides. “It’ll be harder to see you then.”

Juyeon nods, looking up at the sky. It’s mid-afternoon, judging by the sun, which means they have a few hours before it’ll be safe enough to have a go. “We only have one shot,” he murmurs, eyes narrowing. “If one of us gets caught, even as we escape, they’ll just call reinforcements. And if there’s a mage, we’re in even bigger trouble.”

There shouldn’t be a mage. This shrine is traditionally the gray mage’s domain, and with Changmin dead without a designated successor, no one can take his place. Still, Juyeon wouldn’t put it past Somin to have put someone there anyway. After all, she killed him and a royal on the same soil. What’s a little more desecration of blessed land?

Jacob shakes his head. “I don’t sense any traces,” he says. “Granted, we’re a bit far away, but if there was a really powerful mage, I would’ve felt something, at least. There could still be one, but it isn’t likely they’d be a high mage or anything.”

“Why does Somin have some regard for certain rules but not others?” Kevin shakes his head. “She’ll kill people on the grounds, but she won’t send a mage to protect the place?”

Juyeon’s fists close around clumps of grass. He really doesn’t need to think about that now.

A snarl flashes across Jacob’s face before he frowns. “I don’t know. Anyway, our bigger problem is getting out. If we manage to get through the door and close it before anyone else can enter, they could ambush us when we try to leave.”

“So you need a diversion.” Kevin leans backward on his hands, staring at the sky. “What’s big enough to draw a chunk of guards away long enough for you to search the shrine?”

“If I knock out a few guards, do you think you have enough strength to pull them away?” Juyeon tries to joke.

Kevin gives him a look that’s enough to wither a tree.

“Understood, you definitely have the strength to do it. My deepest apologies.” Juyeon smirks, nudging Kevin with his shoulder. A grudging smile spreads across his friend’s face, but it quickly disappears, replaced with a thoughtful look.

“Hey, Jacob?”

The mage looks up. “Hm?”

“Is it considered desecration of the Board if I set fire to the grounds outside of the shrine?”

. . . . .

The plan is almost as bad as Sunwoo literally ripping the sapphire necklace off of Somin’s neck, but Kevin refuses to see it that way. In his words, “if Sunwoo could create a diversion by burning his hand, I can do it by burning some grass.”

Juyeon tries to remind him that Sunwoo didn’t actually burn his hand, whereas Kevin will actually be burning a hill. Kevin just waves him off. “Do you have any better ideas?”

Sadly, he doesn’t. Which is why he and Jacob are dressed in black and heading towards the shrine under the cover of night while Kevin brandishes a lighter somewhere far in the background. Hopefully far enough to not burn the shrine down.

Juyeon tries to console himself with the fact that Kevin knows more about fire than he does. He’s the one who makes their campfires and cooks if they have the means. He sometimes worked in the kitchens back home and handled the oven fires. He should know how to control flames. More or less.

(Juyeon isn’t very consoled.)

No Ivory heads turn as Juyeon steps quietly over the grass to one of the many trees surrounding the shrine and begins to hoist himself into the branches. After helping Jacob up, there’s nothing more either of them can do but wait for the signal.

Which is just the shouts of guards when they notice a hopefully large conflagration on a nearby hill.

It comes faster than Juyeon thought it would. The first yell is faint, but they slowly grow louder as more soldiers take note of the fire that even he can see in the hilltops. With bated breath, he waits as several ivory-clad guards peel off to investigate.

Jacob hisses softly. “Let’s go.”

It takes long, far too long in Juyeon’s mind, to jump down the tree and wait for Jacob to carve a door into the air. Heart beating wildly, he shifts from one foot to the other as the wooden slab finally shimmers into existence.

It looks familiar. Very familiar. Juyeon frowns, stepping through the door, then almost trips when it hits him.

“Juyeon?” Jacob raises an eyebrow. “Something wrong?”

Breath shaky, Juyeon turns around to look at the back of the door. Pure white, a contrast to the dull brown wood of the front, wreathed in greenery.

Queens.

“This –” he swallows – “this is the same door I went through in my dream.”

“… Seriously?”

Juyeon nods. “Yeah.”

Jacob purses his lips, looking like he wants to ask more, but then he shakes his head. “Get over this fence. We need to hurry before Kevin’s fire dies.”

Risking a glance over his neck, Juyeon sees that the flames have gotten smaller since he last checked. One lighter can only do so much, even on green grass. Swearing, he hauls himself up the fence.

“Hey!”

Jacob curses for the first time in Juyeon’s life. It almost shocks him more than the soldier’s shout, but Jacob doesn’t give him time to process it before he hisses for Juyeon to hurry up and get inside. The bars dig into his hands but Juyeon finally flips himself over the top, landing on the shrine grounds with a thump. Jacob follows, albeit more gracefully.

“Pawns and kings,” Juyeon swears, getting up. One look over his shoulder through the slats of the fence tells him several Ivory soldiers are approaching. “Know any hiding places?”

“Follow me,” Jacob says before darting between two trees. They duck behind a few bushes, black clothes camouflaging them in the dark, waiting for the sounds of pursuers.

Nothing comes. The soldiers must be abiding by the laws, then.

Not that it matters. They just need to pick the right moment for an ambush, and when he and Jacob try to leave, they’ll be pinned.

Juyeon sighs. The things he’ll doing do for a stupid little red jewel. Like use a door from a dream to enter the shrine where one of his best friends was murdered in cold blood with his love.

Bile rises in Juyeon’s throat. He closes his eyes, breathes in, breathes out. The bile subsides.

Get in, find the jewel, get out. Juyeon breathes again, eyes still squeezed shut. He’s already done the first thing. Now he needs to find a ruby. The faster he finds it, the faster he can leave this place.

When he opens his eyes, Jacob is staring at him in concern. “Juyeon?”

“I’m fine,” Juyeon says, feeling not fine at all. “Any ideas where to look?”

Jacob looks unconvinced, but he stands anyway. “We need to pray first.”

“Pray?”

“Yes.” Jacob nods. “This is the most venerated shrine of the Board. You can’t just visit here and not pay your respects, especially as a royal of the Onyx Kingdom, not to mention its next king.”

For some reason, the thought of praying at the shrine that was supposed to be Changmin’s home, the same shrine where he was murdered with the former Ivory queen, makes Juyeon’s insides want to curdle.

It doesn’t make sense. He’s survived attacks by several mages, fought his way through multiple seemingly-impossible situations, watched one of his friends die and slit the throat of the man who killed him. Praying at a shrine is definitely not the hardest thing he’s done over the past few months.

Not physically, at least.

So he stands. Nods. His legs follow Jacob through the dark, weaving around bushes and trees and flowers that dot the shrine grounds until they reach the building of gray marble that gleams in the moonlight.

Jacob pushes through the door and walks inside. The stone slab stays open, waiting for Juyeon to take the next step.

He doesn’t. Instead, Juyeon’s feet glue themselves to the ground. Changmin’s insignia rests against his chest, stone cold and heavy as a lead weight.

For several moments, Juyeon stares into the dark depths of the shrine, the shadows of unlit torches just visible on the walls. Jacob’s silhouette shows too as he stops, realizing Juyeon isn’t right behind him. He turns back. “Juyeon?”

Juyeon shudders. The sound of his name echoes loudly, too loudly, unnaturally loudly between the marble walls. Vibrations race up his spine and more than ever, he wants to run. Just turn around and run.

But he can’t. As much as his brain screams for him to sprint away, away from this shrine and its cloud of death, he forces himself to breathe, just breathe.

You are fine. You will be fine. Find the jewel and leave.

You will be fine.

He steps into the shrine.

. . . . .

Juyeon almost wishes Jacob had left the shrine in darkness. Sure, the endless expanse of shadow was unnerving, but with the torches now flickering strange shadows across the gray floor, the urge to run is even greater than before.

But he forces himself to walk to the altar covered in dusty gray silk, to kneel on the cold marble floor. His hands fold mechanically in his lap as he bows his head in reverence. He closes his eyes.

Then he opens them again. What does he even pray for? His mind is such a mess, he knows there are so many things going wrong that he should pray to fix, but for some reason he can’t even fixate on a single one.

Next to him, Jacob’s eyes are already shut. His relaxed posture speaks of peace and calm, not the rigid fear and terror Juyeon feels just being in the same place where one of his best friends died.

Changmin was murdered here, murdered by an Ivory mage who decided her loyalty to the then-princess was more important than the higher orders. She was helped by a cowardly mage – maybe that isn’t fair, considering the queen was and still is holding his daughters over his head, but Juyeon doesn’t care right now – a high mage, a powerful mage who bound the former queen in promise with the gray mage and then didn’t hesitate to sever the physical ties of that promise by killing one half of the bond.

Anger boils in Juyeon’s stomach, and he latches onto it. Better anger than fear, anyway. At least anger brings warmth, fire, while fear only makes Juyeon feel colder than the stone floor.

One hand rises from his lap, clutches the gold king and queen resting against his chest. Why is this shrine so holy? Why is it so venerated that no one can practice magic here? What’s the point of that, when its last protector was murdered because of the stupid rule? Magic isn’t the only way to kill a person –Juyeon would know, considering he’s slit a throat before – and if Changmin had been able to use his magic, he might’ve fought off the two mages, might’ve resisted the magic-binding chains Bom forced onto his arms, might’ve survived. 

A tiny, choked sound rips from Juyeon’s throat. He glances at Jacob to see if the mage noticed, but his eyes are still shut in reverent calm, still the essence of serene tranquility.

Watching Jacob, watching the mage lower his head in quiet prayer, drains the fight out of Juyeon. He slumps over, face now in his hands, as he tries to stop the tears beginning to well at the corners of his eyes. The insignia bounces against his chest, slightly warmer from the heat of his fingers, but still too cold to feel comforting.

Changmin. Juyeon’s hands slide down his face, come to his lap and clench into fists as he fights to breathe. Changmin, I wish you were here.

Then it isn’t just Changmin. It’s Kevin, it’s Sunwoo, it’s his sister and mother and father whom he wishes were here. He wants Changmin’s doe eyes and Kevin’s boxy smile, Sunwoo’s sarcasm and his sister’s warmth. He wants his mother’s lips pressing gently to the top of his head as she whispers goodnight to her sweet prince, wants his father’s hands holding his shoulders proudly as he reiterates once more how proud he is of his son.

He wants it. He wants it so badly it hurts –

“Juyeon?”

Queens.

There’s no point in trying to wipe his tears when Jacob’s already seen him crying, but Juyeon tries anyway. “I’m fine,” he says, even though the voice crack gives everything away. “I’m –”

But Jacob isn’t listening, is unfolding from his perfect posture to drag Juyeon over into a hug. For a moment, he stiffens, but then he sinks into Jacob’s warm arms that can’t quite make up for the warmth of all those people he wishes were with him too, but they’re a decent substitute, nonetheless.

Jacob doesn’t ask, doesn’t say anything as Juyeon silently cries into his shoulder. Juyeon thinks the mage probably knows what he’s feeling, if the few tears dripping onto his own clothes are anything to go by. For several minutes, they just stay there, pressed against each other in front of the altar.

“Sorry,” Juyeon sniffles when he finally feels stable enough to pull away. “I’m – I should’ve been praying, but –”

“I understand.” Jacob smiles, though sadly. “It’s hard, isn’t it? Knowing this was where… where he was killed?”

Juyeon doesn’t need to ask which “he” Jacob is talking about. Instead, he just nods. “I just – I don’t know what to pray about, there are so many things but I can’t think of even one because I just feel so – I want to pray for Changmin and Sunwoo to come back but that isn’t possible –”

A hand on Juyeon’s shoulder stops the rambling. Jacob’s gentle eyes stare into his. “Juyeon. Breathe.”

He takes a breath. Does it again. The second time, it isn’t so shaky.

“Okay. Now.” Jacob squeezes Juyeon’s shoulder slightly. “You may not be able to bring Changmin and Sunwoo back, but you can pray for their souls. Pray for their peace, pray for their well-being even in death. That a good place to start?”

With every word that comes out of Jacob’s mouth, Juyeon feels a tiny part of himself relaxing, bit by bit. He nods. “Okay.”

“Go from there.” Jacob smiles encouragingly. “Just breathe, Juyeon. You’re all right.”

You’re all right.

You’re all right.

Juyeon takes a deep breath, feeling calmer. “Thanks, Jacob. I’m sorry.”

“No need.” Sorrow flashes in Jacob’s eyes, lit by the flickering firelight. “I understand. Take your time. The Board… it’ll understand.”

With a shuddering sigh, Juyeon turns back to the altar, folds his hands on his knees. Closing his eyes, he lets the traditional words begin to float through his brain.

I revere the higher orders of the Board and beseech them to answer my prayer, loyal servant to the balance that I am. I pray for the departed souls of Ji Changmin, Kim Sunwoo, and my parents, that they find peace in the plane beyond my own. I pray for the souls of those still with me, my sister Lee Jisoo,  Kevin Moon, Jacob Bae.

Maybe Juyeon’s just imagining it, but Changmin’s insignia seems to grow warmer against his chest.

I pray that we will finish our mission with no more deaths. I pray that this war will end, that Jeon Somin will be defeated, that balance will be restored once more.

Definitely warmer. Juyeon takes comfort in the spot of heat on his skin, bowing his head further as he sends one last prayer to anyone listening above.

I pray that I have the strength to carry out your will.

. . . . .

There’s nothing in the shrine, nothing remotely red or gem-like. Juyeon’s almost grateful. At least he doesn’t need to spend another minute longer in the gray-walled building.

It would’ve been more helpful if he could’ve found the ruby, though.

Looking through the living quarters doesn’t reveal anything either, though to be completely honest, that could just be Juyeon’s fault for not looking carefully enough. These were the rooms where Changmin lived, where he was supposed to have been safe. Instead, he was forced to try and escape from his own home.

And, apparently, this was the place where the queen was killed. Not outside in the garden, like Changmin, but right here.

The blood is gone. Taemin probably had someone clean it, or he did it himself. Juyeon wouldn’t have been able to tell that someone was murdered here if the high mage hadn’t told him where he found the bodies. But the uncertainty makes things worse, really, because everywhere Juyeon steps, he doesn’t know if he’s walking on the stones where the former Ivory queen, one of his good friends, was killed by someone they both trusted.

No jewels. Nothing in the walls, nothing beneath the stone floors. Jacob can’t sense any magic, which doesn’t make sense – shouldn’t there be a strong magic trace coming from the ruby, even if he can’t pinpoint who created the trace?

Jacob shakes his head, his mouth thinned into a line. “They could have put a cloaking spell on it,” he says, looking around fruitlessly one more time. “These mages are more powerful than I am. They could’ve made it so that I’d have a much harder time sensing it than if I’d created the spell myself.”

They look through the living space again, then the prayer area. Still nothing. So they walk back outside into the gardens.

A soft breeze hits Juyeon’s skin the moment he steps onto the grass. Despite the fact that they still haven’t found the ruby, he finds himself relaxing in the presence of the cool air. Under the bright moonlight, surrounded by greenery, Juyeon feels a little bit more at peace.

Then he remembers that Changmin was killed in this very same garden and the tranquility disappears.

Stepping carefully, Juyeon walks through the grass, trying not to start at every random shadow that passes under the pale moonlight. His eyes carefully scan the overgrown flower bushes and trees, looking hopelessly for a glint of red under the stars.

A sense of déjà vu comes over him as he rounds a corner of the shrine. He’s seen some of this before, that particular tree, that stack of stones, that rosebush just next to the gray building. His feet slowly grind to a halt as he turns in a circle, eyes furrowed.

How does he know this place if he’s never been here before?

Lost in confusion, a rock on the ground knocks him off balance and Juyeon trips, falling to his knees. Scowling in embarrassment, he starts to stand.

Moonlight glints down from the sky in his periphery. And suddenly Juyeon knows.

Changmin saw that pile of stones when he was in this position with arms chained behind him, saw the trees lining the edge of the gardens as he knelt on soft grass, waiting for a blade to strike down and take his life. He saw the roses, saw a little ray of moonlight out of the corner of his eyes as gold burned and metal flashed and pain buried itself in the back of his neck.

This was where he died. 

Juyeon can’t breathe. He can’t breathe. Can’t –

Scrambling to stand, he glances to his left. Moonlight shines on a smear of something dried and black. Against his will, Juyeon looks closer. 

Pawns and kings.

That’s –

That’s blood –

Changmin’s blood –

Juyeon falls to his knees again and throws up on the grass.

For how long he sits there, gasping, not even trying to clean the sick off the corners of his mouth, Juyeon doesn’t know. At some point, though, he becomes aware of Jacob kneeling in front of him, wiping his lips with a piece of cloth torn from his shirt.

His cheeks are wet. Juyeon blinks, feeling dampness at the corner of his eyes. When did he start crying?

Jacob’s voice brings him out of his daze. He blinks again, trying hard to focus on the mage in front of him. “What?”

“I was just asking what happened.” Jacob finishes wiping his lips, letting the dirty piece of cloth flutter to the ground. “I was up ahead, and then I just heard you and… yeah.”

Bile rises again in Juyeon’s throat, but he forces the stinging sensation down. “I –” His voice cracks. “I remember here. Changmin died here. And –” he points to his side, refusing to look with his eyes – “I saw his… his blood.”

A soft gasp sounds. “Queens.”

Juyeon swallows with difficulty, nearly retching again between the disgusting taste in his mouth and the lump in his throat. He stares resolutely to his right, at the huge bush of red roses planted against the gray shrine. It’s probably about as tall as his chest, maybe even his neck.

Irrational anger rises in Juyeon’s chest. This was the last thing Changmin saw, these red roses in full bloom. Juyeon fights the urge to rip all the flowers off of their stems, to make the plant pay for Changmin’s pain –

A glint of shiny red sparkles between several green leaves as they blow in the breeze. 

Juyeon stills. “Jacob.”

The mage turns around, looking very pale. “Hm?”

“Tell me I’m not hallucinating something red in that rose bush right here.”

Jacob furrows his eyebrows. “Juyeon, they’re red roses.”

“No, something else.” Juyeon swallows. “Like a jewel.”

Looking unconvinced, Jacob gets up and walks closer to the bush. Carefully, he moves a few leaves to the side, then gasps. “It’s all the way in the middle,” he murmurs, turning around. “How…?”

Juyeon stands on shaky legs, steps over to where Jacob is. Shiny red sparkles in the pale moonlight, hidden partially by dark green stems and even darker petals. If it was any other flower bush, Juyeon would already be ripping through the branches, but the thorns prevent him from that easy course of action. Besides, this bush is gigantic. Standing up, Juyeon can now confirm the tallest branches reach the base of his throat.

A very, very bad idea springs into his mind, almost as bad as Kevin setting fire to a hill. “Jacob, give me your cloak.”

Confused, Jacob hesitates from handing over the heavy red cloth. “Why –”

Juyeon plucks the cloak from his hands and wraps it around his exposed neck. Then, before Jacob can say anything more, he draws the sword at his side and starts cutting through the bush.

Thorns rip through his flesh, tearing his clothing and scraping across his skin. Juyeon grits his teeth as Jacob cries out in the background, still hacking branches away. Leaves and red petals fall around him, thorns embedding themselves in his arms and legs, but Juyeon doesn’t stop until he’s cut through to the center of the bush.

There, nestled between the petals of several deep red roses, the ruby lies, glittering in the moonlight. Juyeon reaches out one blood-covered hand, the other holding thorny branches out of his eyes, and closes his fingers around the jewel.

Dragging himself out of the bush is almost more torturous than cutting through, but finally, Juyeon bursts into blessed open space, staggering into Jacob’s arms as he pulls free of the last thorns. Dimly, he hears Jacob cursing and unwrapping the cloak from Juyeon’s neck, trying to staunch the blood on his skin, but Juyeon waves him off. “We need to go. Now.”

Because if Juyeon stays in this cursed shrine for a single second longer, he’s going to do something much worse than vomit on the grass.

It takes long, too long for them to find a space along the fence with fewer soldiers than the rest. Skin still stinging from all of the thorn cuts, Juyeon ignores the shouts of surprise as he climbs up and leaps from the fence. Arms and legs moving on autopilot, he makes quick work of the two guards there as Jacob crashes down beside him, hands already moving to fashion the door. He drags Juyeon through just as several white figures begin to flash at the corners of his vision.

On a separate green hill, not the one blackened by fire, Kevin stares as Juyeon emerges from the door, blood dripping down his body. “What the –”

“No time.” Jacob quickly disappears the door before anyone unwanted makes it through. “Where are we going next?”

“Forest,” Juyeon wheezes. Queens, the pain just gets worse with every second. “Decide after that.”

Another door appears, thankfully dark wood this time and not plain or white like the one from his dream, and Kevin helps Juyeon through as shouts begin to sound around the group of hills. Jacob follows as Juyeon nearly collapses onto lush grass, red beginning to bleed over green.

“Pawns and kings,” Kevin swears, rolling Juyeon over. “Juyeon, what happened?”

Juyeon stays silent, letting Jacob explain everything as Kevin digs thorns out of his skin and cleans the scrapes. By the end of the story, Kevin has mostly bandaged Juyeon’s entire body up – somehow, a few thorns even got into his chest, what in the name of the Board and all that is holy – and he looks ready to commit murder.

Well, maybe not murder. But the angry exasperation in his expression doesn’t look very friendly when he turns to stare Juyeon in the eye.

“You, Lee Juyeon, Crown Prince of the Onyx Kingdom, are an idiot,” he pronounces. “The biggest idiot of our group.”

A small, sheepish smile flits across Juyeon’s face. “Sorry?”

“Queens, just shut up.” Kevin groans, turning away. “You try to stop me from burning a hill and then go and do this…” He shakes his head. “Go to sleep. I’ll deal with you in the morning.”

Jacob raises an eyebrow. “Since when did Kevin become our caretaker?”

“Since you couldn’t stop Juyeon from bloodying himself on a rose bush,” Kevin snaps. “Now go to sleep unless you plan on taking first watch.”

“Which watch do I take?” Juyeon asks.

The expressions he gets from Kevin and Jacob are one and the same. “You think you’re going to take a watch?” Kevin snorts. “Good luck with that. No, you’re out for the night.”

And there’s no arguing with that, not when Kevin has that face on. So Juyeon accepts the thin blanket Jacob throws over him, rolls over, and shuts his eyes against the stinging pain all over his body.

. . . . .

Juyeon opens his eyes to the same foggy pathway that’s become unwelcomingly familiar over the past few months. He wants to sigh when he sees his feet wreathed in smoky white on a stone floor, but his dream self doesn’t obey, only stares forward at the wooden door.

It’s definitely the same door Jacob conjured to enter the shrine. Bile would rise in his throat at the thought, but throwing up doesn’t happen in his dream. Instead, he begins walking forward, wincing as black silk brushes against the fresh cuts from his time at the shrine.

Wait.

Juyeon actually commands himself to stop, rolling up a sleeve to confirm the existence of the rose thorn scrapes. Sure enough, they’re there.

Weird. His injuries don’t usually come with him into dream world. Uneasiness pools in his stomach, but he begins to move forward anyway. Then he stops again, just as his hand reaches out to the door handle.

Changmin isn’t here. He hasn’t appeared, hasn’t passed Juyeon the insignia that forces him to relive the gray mage’s last moments over and over and over again.

Juyeon really wants to stop then, wants to sink to his knees and beg the higher orders for an explanation of this strange variation of an unfriendly dream. With all of the others, there was a script he would follow – Changmin, shrine, door, path, roses, you. It was nauseating, but at least it was predictable.

Now, as Juyeon turns the handle, he has no idea what will meet him behind the slab of wood.

The door opens. Juyeon steps through the frame onto a familiar stone path lined with rose bushes.

Castling queens. If there was one thing the dream took out, why couldn’t it be the flowers? Juyeon would choose to see his dead friend over a jewel-toned rose any day, especially in this dream.

But dream Juyeon doesn’t care about that, just starts walking forward. Each step stings his skin even more – there may not be cuts on his feet, but ever brush of his clothes against his arms and legs makes Juyeon want to cry – but he keeps going, keeps following the stone path.

There are no shades. No one offers him flowers. He doesn’t even pick them himself. The familiar sensation of dread that usually accompanies his inability to find a red rose doesn’t rise in his stomach, doesn’t force tears from his eyes at the unfairness of it all. Instead, once he reaches the silver tree, his legs buckle and he collapses to his knees.

Heart beating wildly, Juyeon bows his head as though he’s saying prayer at an altar, the way he did just hours ago in the gray mage’s shrine. Only this time, there’s no marble surface covered in dusty gray silk. Just a silver tree with silver leaves that glitter in the moonlight.

What is he waiting for? Why is he here? Juyeon tries to think but he can’t, not through the endless burning of slashes and scrapes all over his skin. In fact, the pain seems to have increased since he first opened the door, the stinging multiplying second by second as blood begins to trickle down his skin in rivulets, sticking to his clothes and marring the stone floor with drops of red –

Then a door opens behind the tree, a white door wrapped in green vines and leaves visible just between the silver branches. A familiar figure emerges, cloaked as always in darkness.

Through his eyelashes, Juyeon watches you step around the tree, coming to a rest in front of his kneeling body. Your feet step onto drops of his blood, but you don’t seem to care. In one hand, you carry a rose, a dark red one with petals that look like silk.

If Juyeon didn’t know better, he’d think it was one of the roses that housed the ruby back at the shrine.

A movement out of the corner of his eye jerks Juyeon out of his musings. Your hand comes into his line of vision. Touches his chin. Tilts it up.

Juyeon gasps as his head rises, expecting your fingers to be cold. They’re warm, though, inexplicably warm, sending a rush down his spine. His eyes flutter shut as he tries to lean into your touch, but your hand pulls away almost immediately.

Fighting the urge to whine like a child, Juyeon stays still, trying to catch a glimpse of your face. It stays wrapped in shadow, however, and despite the fact that from this position he should be able to see you, his dream prevents it.

Frustration rises in his chest, mixing with the pain of his rose thorn cuts, and Juyeon almost releases the cry of annoyance building in his throat before your warm palm presses against his forehead.

Pain.

Pain.

Absolute, blinding pain rips a scream from his throat as your palm stays firmly glued to his skin. It hurts so much, stings so much as blood courses down his skin in sticky red rivers, filling his nose with its iron tang and overwhelming every one of his senses with just how much there is, queens, he never knew his body held this much blood, never guessed that he could feel so much pain, never realized he could lose this much blood without dying –

And then it’s gone. Completely. The pain disappears as quickly as it came, your palm now pleasantly cool against his sweating skin.

Juyeon gasps as your fingers leaves his forehead, falling forward until he’s half-collapsed in a pool of his own blood. Disgusted, Juyeon goes to rip his himself away, but then the blood fades away without a trace.

Wide-eyed, Juyeon whirls around. All of the sticky red droplets have disappeared from the stone path. The only sign of his previous wounds lies in the blood crusted on his skin, but the cuts have disappeared. All of them.

Whipping back forward, Juyeon scrambles to his feet as you open the door behind the silver tree, presumably to make your exit. He reaches out an arm to hold you back, to see your face, to try and figure out who his mysterious savior is, but at the same time, he knows it’ll be useless. You’re already half-gone, stepping through the white door.

But at the last second, your head turns back. And Juyeon catches a glimpse of the side of your face, your cheek, your chin, one glittering eye –

Then he wakes up, gasping under green treetops just visible in the gray morning light.

It doesn’t take him long to realize all of his pain is gone.  

If you enjoyed, please don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment to tell me what you thought! Thank you for reading and have a lovely day <3

(1 reblog = 1 prayer for juyeon poor boy’s gone through a lot :/)

#destinyverse #tbznetwork #kpopscape #the boyz #tbz #the boyz scenarios #tbz scenarios #the boyz x reader #tbz x reader #the boyz juyeon #tbz juyeon #the boyz juyeon scenarios #tbz juyeon scenarios #the boyz oneshots #the boyz imagines #juyeon x reader #lee juyeon x reader #the boyz juyeon x reader #juyeon #fluff #angst #tw death #tw blood #kingdom #danger #danger: ruby #scriptura-delirus

[aestheticsfandomsandmore]

In vino (beer) veritas

HE TIAN X MO GUAN SHAN FAN FIC.

Don't expect too much, really: I’m Italian, so I probably made a lot of mistakes (you can report them, I would be glad). There are few descriptions for the same reason and so this story could be a bit repetitive. There is not a proper ending. Maybe I’ll just leave it like this, maybe I’ll continue the fic some other day.

I posted it on AO3 if you want to read it there.

________________________________________

Mo Guan Shan hasn't heard from He Tian since the previous evening. Almost twenty hours have passed and he hasn't come to school. He's a bit worried, if he has to be honest with himself. The damn guy hasn't even texted to annoy him with random stuff, while he usually doesn't let him breath without interfering.

So Mo goes to his house. He's embarrassed, he's mad at himself for his dumb choice, he has no idea how to justify that choice to He Tian, especially when he's so damn sure the guy will give him a smirk and start assuming things, like that he cares about him. Whether it is true or not, Mo would always deny it until the end of times.

Still, the door of his loft is right there in front of him and he knocks, hoping for an answer so that he can stop worrying for that asshole.

However, the moment He Tian opens it, he only worries more and more.

The tall boy, always so handsome, with fucking perfect hair and fancy clothes, is now looking like he just jumped out of a hurricane: his shirt is wrinkled, the zip of his jeans is down (don't look, don't look, don't look), his dark hair are disheveled and his eyes are red and wide open.

“Ehy little Mo~ Wha-What ya doing here?” he asks him, so visibly confused that Mo wouldn't be surprised if he just fainted, right where he was.

“Stupid, what... what are you up to, what's goin' on?”

“Little Mo is worried about me?” even in that state he still manages to grin and to sound annoying.

“Move” Mo orders and the moment he gets in the loft he feels a bit shocked: a bunch of empty bottles of beer (at least five or six) are lying on the floor. He Tian is drunk. He turns back and looks at him. “Ohi, what is all of this about?”

He Tian closes the door and chaoticly walks toward the table before sitting on a chair. He laughs. “What do you mean?”

Is he fucking with me or what? Mo thinks, almost getting agry. “Why did you drink so much? Are you okay?”

“Suuure thing.”

Mo sighs. How much patience must he have with this guy?

“Okay. Let’s go to bed, shall we?” Mo Guan Shan reminds himself of how the doctors spoke to him when he happened to be in a hospital: like the things he was about to do were going to be a group thing or shit like that. He tries the same with He Tian, hoping it will work.

He Tian lets Mo putting his arm under his own armpit and then puts his around his neck, but it’s more like he’s grabbing it, like he’s trying to hold on to him.

“Okay, we’re moving.” Mo says and meanwhile counts more carefully the bottles of beer the idiot has drunk: eight. Eight fucking bottles. What the hell was wrong with him?

He carries He Tian to his bedroom and puts him under his sheets, but the right moment he tries to walk away the other boy clutches his wrists and pushes him to the bed as well.

“Ohi, the fuck-”

“Stay here for a while, c’mon~ You came all the way to my flat juuuust...” he seems to be struggling with making a coherent phrase. “... just to leave immediately?”

He can’t really say he is wrong, but he doesn’t want to stay either. “You’re wasted. I didn’t certainly come to babysit you.”

“You don’t have... to do... anything... just stay.”

He looks so weak and vulnerable, so different from his usual self.

He won’t remember anything anyway tomorrow, Mo thinks. “Whatever.”

He stays. He lays down on his right side and stares at He Tian. His eyes are closed but he is smiling. “Nice” he says, clearly happy he is going to stay.

“Why... why were you drinking so much?”

He Tian doesn’t answer. Mo almost thinks he fell asleep, but then he says: “I really want to kiss you.”

Mo winces. “What the bloody hell-”

“I won’t kiss you. Don’t you worry.” He Tian promises, his eyes still closed.

“Of course you won’t you chicken-”

“I don’t want you to cry again.”

Mo baffles. His heart starts ricing faster and faster. “What...?”

He Tian opens his eyes and looks at him with no smile of any sort. “You freaked out last time I kissed you.”

Mo blushes and gets furious. “Yeah - and whose fault is that?”

“Mine.” He Tian answers immediately. “I know it’s mine. I- I know.”

“Good.” Guan Shan says, but he’s actually pretty surprised He Tian admitted it so easily. He expected him to mock him and start making jokes about how he reacted back then. 

They stay silent for a while. Then He Tian asks: “Am I... still... disgusting to you?” His voice is so low and depressed Mo could almost burst into tears.

“I-” he swallows, super nervous. That was uncertain territory for him. Such honesty from He Tian demanded just as much from him as well. “No. You are not.”

He Tian looks relieved. “Really?”

“Yeah. Actually... you never were.”

Now he looks shocked. “You didn’t mean it?”

“I meant it when I said it” Mo replies. “I was fucking infuriated, He Tian.” Now he’s getting angry again, just by the thought of that moment. He felt so ashamed he just wanted to disappear from the face of the Earth. “But... I never really thought you were a disgusting person, I just thought you did a disgusting thing.”

“I get that” He Tian says. “I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have forced you. Sorry.”

An apology, Mo thinks. He Tian apologised before, but always with a smart smirk on his face or his hands on Mo’s body - never sounded very convincing. Now he is talking from the bottom of his heart and Mo believes him. “Okay. Apologies accepted.”

He Tian smiles. 

Mo smiles as well. He won’t remember any of this. He caresses his cheek with his thumb and He Tian shudders, almost as he punched him in the face. He stops immediatly, realizing what he was doing. “Okay. Now get some sleep, idiot.”

“Will you wait for me to fall asleep?”

He sounds like a kid. He was never good with kids. Way easier to go along with their insanity rather than question it. “Whatever. Now sleep.”

-

The morning after, the hangover is right there waiting for him to wake up in the most embarrassing way possible. His knees are pushing against his arms, his toes are crisscrossed, he smells like shit and he probably looks even worst. But none of this matters the moment he understands Mo is sleeping right next to him. 

His first thought is that he’s still dreaming. It has to be a dream. Mo never stayed over the night and even if he managed to make him do that Mo would have never slept in his bed. Too risky. 

But it takes him just a few moments to realize he’s not dreaming at all. He gets up, way too quickly - his head hurts. “Shit”. He goes to the bathroom and takes a cold shower. He wears something clean and takes his time to get back in the bedroom, scared that he just imagined things and he won’t find Mo in his sheets just where he left him. But he does. He’s still there. 

He Tian smiles and takes a moment to appreciate that scenario, wishing it would happen again and again, every morning, preferably after a night of rough sex and sweet cuddles. Or just sex. Or just cuddles. Anything, literally anything to have Little Mo in his bed as often as possible.

“Ehy, Sleeping Beauty, rise and shine~” he pats his head and ruffles his hair, foreshadowing a bad reaction coming from the boy. 

It comes. Guan Shan slaps his hand and gets up, a bit uncomfortable, and then rubs his eyes, still sleepy. “’Morning dick head.”

He Tian grins. “Is there an actual explanation for which you slept in my bed? Not that I’m complaining.”

“I see you went back to yourself” Mo replies, annoyed. 

He Tian doesn’t say anything. Went back to himself? What did that mean? “Uhm... what?” he asks, trying to sound entertained. 

“You don’t remember, do you?”

Okay, now he’s feeling a bit scared. What did he do? What did he say? “What should I remember? Did we have fun last night?”

“If you find funny getting wasted and unable to walk on your own towards your fucking bedroom, then yes, it was massive fun.”

He Tian laughs. He expected way worst. “Okay, so you took care of me, Little Mo~?” 

He draws closer to him, but Mo stops his approach by grabbing his wrists and says: “I didn’t plan to stay the night, but since I did... I guess we should talk.”

Talk? Like, a proper chat? Offered by Mo? Was the world about to end? “Uhm, okay? What do you want to talk about? Our future together?”

“Can you be serious for one fucking second?”

He Tian blinks. What the fuck happened last night? “Sure.”

He lays down on the bed waiting for Mo Guan Shan to do the same. He stares at him and then sits. “I- I have some questions for you. And then, if you have any questions... for me... I’ll answer. I mean, I’ll try, at least.”

He is palpably nervous and the way he’s speaking is a total surprise: things like that never happen between the two of them; it’s always He Tian the one who brings up more weighty topics for them to discuss. “Okay. Go ahead.”

“Last night you told me...” Mo lowers his head, “that you’d like to kiss me.” He blushes.

He Tian is not surprised at all. “Well, is that a brand new information for you?”

“Cut the sarcastic crap out, thanks.” 

“I’m not being sarcastic! I mean it: was it honestly shocking for you?”

Mo still doesn’t look at him in the eye, but he shakes his head. 

“So what’s the question?”

“I was going to ask you if that were true, since you were drank, but apparently it was.”

“Yeah. What else?”

“You also told me that you won’t kiss me, even if you want to, because you’re... basically scared of my reaction. Is this true?”

Okay, he didn’t see this coming. “I-” he needs to think before answering. “I... kinda.”

“Kinda?”

“It’s just- I want to be sure you want that too.” He really means that. He never said that aloud. He never admitted that truth to himself. Heʼs waiting for someone’s permission to do what he wants. It is a weird and new concept for him. He knows that, being a kiss something that involves two people, it should just be normal to ask before doing anything. But he isn’t used to, anyway. 

“You never seemed particularly interested in what I wanted.”

Now, that sentence gets him mad. “Look at me.” he orders.

Mo does that and he looks more confident than ever. He’s almost proud to see him like that.

“What’s the point of this?”

“Wait. I have another question.”

He Tian rolls his eyes. “Fine.”

“You apologised. For what you did. And... you asked me if I still thought you were disgusting.”

He Tian would blush if he wasn’t the way he is. “And what did you answer?”

“I- Wait, did you mean it?”

“Uhm?”

“Do you actually feel sorry for what you did?”

“I apologised to you when I was sober as well, did you forget?”

“You never apologised for something specific.”

He Tian is getting impatient, but he still says: “I’m not sorry to have kissed you, I’m sorry I made you cry.”

That answer makes Mo mad - well, of course it does. “I cried because you kissed me. Because you’re a piece of shit.”

“Call me what you want” he is getting heated as well, “but you didn’t cry because I kissed you: you cried because I didn’t ask you and you were surprised and you didn’t want to accept that you liked me. You still don’t, by the way.”

Mo tries to punch him but He Tian’s faster and blocks him right away, switching positions and standing onto him on the bed. 

“You have no idea what’s going on inside my head! You shit head, you have no right to tell me why I was crying!” 

Mo screams, trying to free himself, but He Tian is holding his wrists with his hand and impeding his movements with his legs. 

“Okay, hey, chill, calm down, please.”

It takes a while for Mo to actually stop moving. He grumbles and bites his lips. He Tian lets go of his right wrist to make him stop, touching his mouth very gently. “Don’t ruin it” he whispers. 

Mo blushes and turns his head. 

“I shouldn’t have kissed you like that - I’m sorry.”

Mo blinks and looks at him doubtful and hesitant. 

“But now let me ask you a question.”

“Shoot it.”

“Why are you doing this? You could have just made up an excuse for staying here the night, as always, relying on the fact that I forgot everything. Why didn’t you?”

Mo observed him for a while and then said: “I- I wanted to know the truth.”

“The truth?“

“Yeah.”

“Little Mo, you asked him if I wanted to kiss you, which you already know I do, you asked me if I was sorry, which I had already said I am, and you wanted me to confirm a sentence which I pronounced when I was drunk - and so, completely honest.” 

Mo looks pissed. “Listen, it wasn’t all this clear to me when I decided to talk to you, okay? You don’t have to play Mister I know-it-all, you’re already annoying enough.”

He Tian laughs. “Whatever.” He lets go of the other wrist and moves his legs away, still remaining on top of him. “You haven’t answered my question yet.”

Mo seems confused. “Which one?”

“Am I still disgusting to you?” he asks this with a tiny grin, but he’s actually desperate for an honest answer. He knows Mo doesn’t find him disgusting, but to hear him saying it is a totally different story.

Guan Shan snorts. “No, you are not. Happy now?”

He Tian smiles. “Very.”

“Asshole.”

They stay like this for some time. He Tian is almost leaning towards his lips, when Mo interrupts the silence. “Oh, right! Why the fuck did you drink eight bottles of beer?”

#19 days #fan fiction #19 days fic #19 days fan fiction #he tian x mo guanshan #he tian x mo guan shan #mo guan shan #he tian #tianshan #tianshan fanfic #old xian #my fic #i'm italian so please forgive me #i know this probably sucks

[encosy]

Eren Yaeger: A theory why the person devoted to freedom is in fact the least free character of all. (up to ch. 136)

Questions that lead me to this theory: Why did Eren behave so strangely? Why did he isolate himself from the rest? Why the hell did he decide to end the world? And why did he never really try to find another way?

“What about you is free?” - Chapter 134

So, despite the flood of possible theories people came up with, I couldn’t find any that provided satisfying answers for several contradicting moments. It had me reading the manga after all and musing three days and nights until I settled with a surprisingly simple approach that I haven’t yet found among the common theories. The short answer for Eren’s weird behaviour and decision for apocalypse remains the same: “Because I was born into this world”. But, in a different way of interpretation. If you don't want to read the long version, there's a summary at the end as well ;)

 So far, this quote had been mostly interpreted as justification for the freedom to live, and the freedom to fight for survival. It’s the ultimate justification for Erens decisions, no matter how despisable they are, since he's fighting for their own survival. Yet, it sounds somewhat odd from Eren Yaeger, who had always been anything but a philosopher to begin with. Why wouldn’t he justify his decision with “because they will never leave Eldia in peace”, “because it’s the only way to end the war”, “because they had taken everything from me” or simply “because we have to keep on fighting”. That would have sounded much more like him, but not such a cryptic statement.

With the latest chapters, it became apparent that Eren was indeed severely suffering under the guilt and notion of destroying the world. So why would he not think of a different way? Why don’t we see him talk to his friends and discuss alternatives? Why does he never even try to find a solution? If anyone, it would be Eren to fight against a future he didn’t want to accept, no matter how small the chance of success. But all he does is to refer to the inevitable, unchanging future. The only spark of rebellion shown is in the pathetic attempt to safe one boy, which again end in him stating that "the future doesn't change"

The idea that Eren is in fact not free to choose their future first struck me during his conversation with Rainer, where he claims they were both the same. Yes, they had both believed to do the right thing, to be a hero, but ended up with nothing but guilt, the wish to be judged upon and to finally put an end to it all. But in that moment, Eren had yet the chance to decide. It would have been so easy to accept Rainer as scapegoat for his revenge, but he only acts as if his decision was already set in stone. He never looked angry with Rainer to begin with. So it clearly wasn’t revenge he had in mind when attacking Liberio. In fact, he was simply moving forward and carrying out Zeke’s plan which would eventually lead him to his true goal: To eliminate the enemy.

Who or what exactly is the enemy/ enemies? (As far as I know, there’s no difference in Japanese language) First, it’s the titans, then the Marleyans, but now it seems to be cycle of life, death and hatred itself. Rainer, Zeke and Eren all came to this conclusion and even the last season’s opening song suggests this true motive: “Destruction, regeneration, you are the real enemy” (-My war-).

“Because I was born into this world” - reinvented

Chapter 121 underlines yet again that this phrase contains the central key to Eren’s motives. After all, it’s all it needs to thwart the great plan of Zeke – the most sharp-witted character that had been fooling everyone else throughout the whole story. Zeke’s demise came from assuming that Eren had been brainwashed by his father, hence believing it was possible to change his mind. And that’s totally legit since no normal person would be born “like this”, showing such hatred and craving for freedom from birth. In fact, the story shows no other character than Eren who despises the walls, even though he’d been living a fairly comfortable life.

Zeke probably realized in that moment: Eren was never a normal child (Carla: “He’s already great because he’s born into this world). That doesn’t only refer to his character traits and motives, but he even proves that when opposing Zeke in the other world. First, by freeing himself from his shackles, and later when he stops Ymir (Zeke: “It’s pointless, Eren. Once Ymir, the founder begins to move, nothing in this world can stop her.”). This gives two options: Either, Ymir is not the founder, or Eren is not of this world (or both). And since the idea of Eren being the true founder for whatever time-wrecking reason is far too screwed for me to grasp, I’ll stick with the latter option. It could be what Carla refers to as well, and a reason why his titan looks a lot more devilish than any other shifter before.

What does Eren really want?

When chapter 122 “From you, 2.000 years ago” responds to the very first chapter’s title, it seems very likely, that the original message was from Ymir to the present. When Eren finds her, he already knows that she had been suffering and waiting there for someone – most probably him – (“Is it you who led me here? You must have been waiting. All this time.”) and shows deep empathy by going as far as to hug her by choice (at this moment, I can’t remember him showing such affection to anyone else before, but feel free to correct me). It looks as if his intrinsic will to fight for freedom has led him to this single moment of importance, where he frees Ymir from her curse to serve the power of titans.

Interestingly enough, even though everyone knows that she gained back then, no one knows yet what the devil wanted in return. Seeing that Ymir is not at all the almighty deity, but not more than a slave, it’s likely that this was not her wish at all, but part of the bargain she now has to endure “into eternity” (as determined by the first king). Perhaps Eren symbolizes the in-time reincarnation of the devil to fulfil the bargain. But more likely, Eren was created ‘like this’ because he was the first chance in the timeline to enable her liberation (my wild guess is that Ymir herself sent him, but it could as well be the devil, the true founder, a twisted part of a past Eren or all of them at once. I don't think it doesn’t really matter who exactly started the whole ordeal.)

In chapter 122 he finally reveals he wants to “put an end to this world” to do so. He repeatedly says that he will destroy the world, but he never once said he wanted to do it, or that he wanted to kill all the people. As I see it, “putting an end” refers more to breaking the cycle than to committing omnicide.

So. What if Eren had never been in a position to make decisions, but Ymir? It looks like her motives are surprisingly simple, not more than a ‘normal person’s’. All she ever wanted is to be loved. She sacrificed everything, her life, and her humanity – even her freedom to die. But no matter what she did, she was only used for humanity’s (Fritz’s) greed. Over the course of the millennia, she gathered the hatred to destroy the world, but Eren is in no position to stop her because it goes against his destiny. In fact, Eren is quite graphically displayed as a puppet on strings. I think that’s also why Eren acted so strangely around his friends. Ever since seeing the entire future, he had been well-aware that he can’t do anything about Ymir and the apocalypse, but he hopes they are capable of ending him, and he went as far as to insult them only to make their job easier. Already back in ch. 84 when they had to decide between the life of Armin and Erwin, Eren claims to know it will be Armin to safe humanity, not him. This suggest again that Eren does not think of himself to be acting for the right cause, but rather as the (literally) spineless key for Ymir.

To summarize: Seeing just how tormented Eren was by what would happen, how he tried to subtly encourage his friends to judge and stop him, and how he didn't show any semblance of his defining will to fight a future he didn't want, I now believe that Eren has never been the one to make decisions in the first place, but a key destined from birth to only serve one purpose: To free Ymir and end the era of titans. The quote "I was born into this world" thus doesn't act as justification for his decision, but as reference to his key role for the inevitable.

Soo, feel free to prove me wrong or correct mistakes. After all, there’s only so many quotes I remember and it’s natural to see the world with a subjective filter once you have an idea in mind. There are still several details that don’t seem to quite fit, but this is the best conclusion I could draw.

Also, taking this theory further to the present plot of chapter 136 and possible endings, my suspicions are much more vague. But there's one more detail I picked up and would like to share:

Just before Ymir is about to die in her tale, someone says “You’re free”. It would fit Isayama’s sense for loops that Ymir, who had escaped death (= freedom) from being hunted down, now finally ends her prolongued life by being killed (= freed) by Eren Jäger. I think it would give more credit to his name than the usual reference to hunting (more specifically, eradicating) titans.

#Eren yaeger theory #Eren yaeger #Eren Jäger #Snk theory #Aot theory #Attack on Titan #shingeki no kyoujin #Snk spoilers #Manga spoilers

[thecursedhellblazer]

romantic headcanons.

name: John Constantine alias: Hellblazer, ConJob, The Laughing Magician, The World’s Greatest Con Man, El Diablo, The Constant One gender: male sexual orientation: pansexual romantic orientation: demiromantic

preferred pet names: John pretty much plays along with whatever nickname his partner(s) decide to use for him, from “classic” ones to whatever thing the people he’s seeing might have come up with. This means that even insults can become pet names, when used by his current partner, no matter how bad they can get. relationship status: single / verse dependant (I currently have a verse in which he’s building a poly relationship, another in which he’s (un)officially dating but it might get more than official at some point, and one in which he has a proper stable boyfriend)

opinion on true love:  John believes that a kind of love that comes close to be defined as such exists. He has experience a similar feeling in person a few times (with Nick and Zatanna, with Kit). However, because of his past experiences, he isn’t very confident on the fact that he’ll ever manage to find a way to keep that sort of relationship going. The closer someone gets to him, the worse fate awaits ahead of them or the deeper he disappoints them. opinion on love at first sight: John believes in “attraction at first sight”, but not in love at first sight. That’s in part because getting attached is often not an option for him. When it comes to sex and romance, he prefers going for something casual, with few string attached. It’s it’s safer and less complicated, and it hurts less with things inevitably fall apart. So, he isn’t one to fall fast for people. He wouldn’t be able to even if he tried (with a few exceptions). how ‘romantic’ are they?: John can be a romantic, especially if it’s something that his partner(s) enjoy. Personally, he likes doing some traditional couple stuff, like going out for dinner, going to concerts, having a picnic or even just having an aimless stroll around holding hands. He likes trying to play the cook and cooking homemade meals...even if the results aren’t always stellar. So, when he really cares for someone (or he is in love) John is…a lot of things. He tries to be charming, confident, playful and appealing, and he wines and dines his partner(s) as much as they allow him to. However, he can also be a huge, sometimes sappy dork. He’d go to hell and back, literally too, to try and make his partner(s) happy (and that’s part of his idea of romance too).

ideal physical traits: John’s tastes when it comes to his partners’ physical appearances are, to say the least, variegated. Considering that he finds attractive beings from very different species, it’s hard to pinpoint what exactly draws him to someone, physically speaking. He has a certain preference for inhuman traits, especially if they could be somehow harmful for him (he finds the thrill of danger is too appealing for his sake). Another thing that he likes, in humans and non-humans alike, is physical strength. He likes someone who can crush him and hold him down, or who can put up a fight when he does that. ideal personality traits: John enjoys someone who can match his wits, who is cunning and can challenge him, keep him on his toes. He’s also attracted to people who can be too straightforward and who are strong-willed and determined, bold and not easily deterred, perhaps because those are all qualities someone needs to have to manage to stay around him for a prolonged amount of time. He’s also drawn to people who are fierce and passionate or have strong emotions, but can also keep an open mind. He can appreciate if his partner(s) have a kind, softer, perhaps even nurturing side, because, whether he wants to admit it or not, he tends to cling and find solace in such affections.

unattractive physical traits: Again, it’s just as hard to pinpoint what John might not like as it is to find specific physical traits that he found more attractive (I mean, at some point he had sex with a bunch of sentients organs, for the gods!). He’s open to give everyone and everything a try (as long as it’s consensual), though not all the experiences turn out to be pleasant. Those, he tends to avoid the second time. unattractive personality traits: Dullness, excessive ignorance or lack of smartness. Hypocrisy, because John might be a liar, but that kind of behaviour irks him to no end. People who are too pretentious, who have a too high idea of themselves without having a good reason to justify it. People who force themselves on others, in any way. Someone who’s too obsessive (because of bad past experiences) or too self-absorbed to spare the effort every relationship needs to work out.

do they have a type?: Yes and no. He has a preference for whoever checks most of the boxes when it comes to what he generally likes in a partner, but every case turns out to be different. It’s also true that most of his lovers, though, held some sort of power over him, be it because they are strong (physically or mentally or “magically) or because they for some reason have the upper hand in the relationship. Strong-willedness and ability to call him out on his bullshit are other recurrent traits. opinion of public affection: When he’s fond of someone, John can get very touchy-feely, if not straight out handsy, around them, no matter if they are alone or in public. He is very much open to PDA, but he restrains himself if his partner prefers avoid them. The same can’t be said for when they are in private, because then any excuse (and even the lack of one) is good to gets his hands on whoever he’s seeing.

favourite canon ship: Uuuh, I’m going to say Nick / John / Zatanna. We don’t see much of it in canon, aside from their tragic falling out, but I like to think that they had a good run before everything fell apart. John was obviously so very in love with them both, and the three of them balanced each other well and were a positive influence in each other’s life, even if at the same times they also tended to bring out the worst in each other. For all those reasons and more, I love the verse I’ve been building with @adventurepunks​​ because it allows me to explore all the shades of their complicated relationship. I liked, even if not as much, John’s relationship with Kit. Though, I must say that I’m glad (for her) that it didn’t work out, because that wonderful woman deserves so much better than him (just as Zatanna). favourite non-canon ship: I have three main non-canon relationships. John / Demon John (which I write in my verse with @thedemonconstantine ) and that’s a pairing I also ship in general (meaning outside RPs). Then we have John / Oliver Queen, with @thegreenxrcher​​​ (and with her too I have a whole verse). Last but not least, John / Nick Sethson ( Devil OC written by @paradiseturnedhell​​​). Each of this ships has its own peculiar appeal to me and I could write an essay for each of them, but I’ll spare you all x’D However, I want to make some special mentions too. I have build a wonderful friendships (with occasional benefits) with @obsessionsarenotforheroes​​​ and her Jessica. I’m developing a ship (or should I say shipS? xD How does it even work with Marc xD) with @fistofhnsw​​​. John & @laughter-in-white​​‘s croptop J because their friends-with-benefits relationship is hilarious. And, finally, John and Koriand’r ( @blizzardmuses​​​...‘cause they kissed twice “for science” so it counts...right???)

*

tagged by: @laughter-in-white & @paradiseturnedhell tagging: @thegreenxrcher (one of the demons?) @fistofhnsw @adventurepunks @blizzardmuses​ @elisethetraveller​ @goldentemplariumcrow​ @seekthedarknesswithin​ - & whoever wants to steal this !

#john constantine #hellblazer #(( mun's headcanons )) #* My reality is eleven tenths perception. * ::headcanons::

[lov3nerdstuff]

Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 5.5}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 4.3k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

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Half an hour passed, or maybe an entire one, Robin didn't even know anymore… the majority of her body was aching, but her legs hurt the most from carrying her weight without moving for too long. At least she hadn't been eaten yet, hadn't even heard anything that could be considered unusual, and the forest ahead was quiet and peaceful. That's what she tried to tell herself, to slow down her heartbeat enough to be able to focus on her surroundings instead of her own panic. It had worked for the time passed already.

It worked, until her ears picked up the tiniest sounds of movement in the distance behind her back, and any positive thoughts made immediate room for a new wave of anxiety. Oh bloody hell… Her heartbeat quickened inevitably, and so did her breathing. C'mon Robin, focus on reality for once! No dwelling in her own mind, at least this once. No blind panic. The sound was creeping closer, that much she could tell, but she had no time to ponder who or what was approaching, nor the necessity to.

"What, pray tell, do you think you are doing there?!" Snape's scolding tone almost had Robin weeping in relief. Thank god he was here now… or rather, thanks to his impatient naturell. He'd probably been annoyed that she hadn't returned with the flowers yet, and honestly, Robin had never been happier to annoy him!

A few seconds later his dark frame entered her field of vision, and the first thing she noticed as he moved closer to her with hastened strides was his rapidly changing expression. The annoyance and irritation was replaced by a mixture of wariness and concern, and his eyes sought hers as he stopped a step in front of her. For a few seconds, all Robin could do was stare up at him with wide eyes and wait for him to draw the necessary conclusions on his own. Then, with a sudden jolt of heat in her veins, all tension in her body was removed, and her legs gave out as she dropped down to the ground in a limp pile of flesh and bones. The barely intercepted impact sent a jolt of immediate pain through her entire body, knocking the air straight out of her lungs, but at least, at last, Robin found herself able to move her body again.

"Oh thank you thank you thank you…" She breathed with a raspy voice, and twisted her stinging back and shoulders while sitting up. A new wave of pain caused her to suck in a sharp breath. "Bloody shoulder…"

Snape let his gaze travel over her in a quick inspection of her overall state, and his eyes lingered on her shoulder indeed before moving back to meet her own.

"Are you alright?" He asked quietly, after giving her a moment to sort herself out, with a doubtful look down at Robin.

"Terribly sore from standing still for so long… how long has it been, actually?"

"Over an hour since you left."

"Ah…" Robin sighed, and finally felt like she might be able to stand up off the dewy soil without her legs giving straight out under her weight again. But before she could make any sort of weak attempt to scramble to her feet, he held his hand out to Robin without a word.

Her heart skipped a beat at the sight, but she didn't hesitate to accept the help that was offered to her so unexpectedly, in a gesture so unusual and yet so very welcome. Had her hand not been frozen quite so much, she could have enjoyed the feeling of his own wrapped around her smaller one so much more. And yet, the brief touch left her short of breath already, and drowning in a wave of tingling ecstasy.

"You are freezing." He stated neutrally and released her hand once Robin was standing straight in front of him once again. "We should return to the castle. I wish to know what happened here. In detail."

"I'm not going back until I have gotten those stupid Plangentine petals." Robin replied in mild frustration about the delay in her task, and even more about who had caused it. "So not going to let him win."

"Who?"

"Morgan." She sighed, and mindlessly traced the spot on her shoulder that he had almost crushed with his ridiculously strong grip. It still hurt, even after almost an hour had passed… would probably be a nice bruise soon enough. "He followed me out here. I sent him flying with a repelling spell because he snuck up on me. He didn't like that, and thus turned me into the statue you found."

Snape's eyebrows rose in surprise for a second, then furrowed into an even deeper frown. "Professor Morgan petrified you and left you here at the edge of the forest? Alone?"

"He was convinced that I was up to no good and committing some felony by being out here. I tried to tell him that-… You know what, just have a look at it yourself."

"Are you-..."

"Yes. If I have to talk about that man for much longer, I'll get angry, and I don't want to spend the last minutes of my almost perfect birthday being angry. So yes, go right ahead." Robin stated in certainty, feeling almost calm in her own determination, and thus simply looked up into Snape's eyes while waiting for the crawling in the back of her mind. It lasted for only a minute, and once the feeling was gone again, his gaze dropped from her own down to her shoulder for a moment.

"He hurt you." He stated then, with an almost perfect neutral facade for once. It left Robin wondering what he was truly thinking beneath the act, for he only ever seemed to bother putting effort into his facades around her if he intentionally didn't want her to know.

"Nah, it's fine." She shrugged, and regretted it immediately afterwards. "Alright, it does hurt, but I don't mind. I'm fine."

"In that case I shall take you back to the castle to see the headmaster immediately. He will not be able to refuse to intervene in Morgan's doings any longer if he hears of this incident."

"Or maybe… we could simply go down to the lake, gather the Plangentine and then return to the dungeons and have a nice hot cup of coffee?" Robin asked before Snape could make any attempt to walk away. She didn't need a repetition of last year's never ending night of terror. She didn't need the struggle nor the fight nor the anxiety. But she wanted him to stay with her, and simply let it go for now. "Please?"

"Not only did he completely disregard my own person AND the school rules, but he actively put you into great danger by leaving you here like that! You cannot seriously expect me to ignore that."

"No, I cannot." Robin replied with a small half smile, and a hopeful glance. He wasn't dragging her off yet; her suggestion still had a chance. "But I can hope that you might do me the favor and spare me even more trouble tonight. We can still discuss our plans and plots against Morgan over coffee later."

"I was under the impression that you weren't fond of revenge. Even if it would be very much justified." He raised an eyebrow at Robin in question, but an undeniable expression of amused appreciation played on his features as well.

"In fact, I'm not." Robin shrugged again, with her unhurt shoulder only, and with a growing smile. "But you are, and I'm willing to compromise."

Snape rolled his eyes, even as a clear not-smirk played on his lips. "You truly are insufferable."

"I know." The smile reached Robin's eyes as well as her voice now. "And still you bother with me."

"Here…" He sighed in feigned annoyance, and before Robin could ask, he untied his own cloak and draped it around her shoulders with an exaggerated rolling of his eyes. "One professor endangering your life is quite enough for one night. And it would be a true bother to explain to Dumbledore why you froze to death out here under my supervision. If you already so stubbornly insist on picking flowers at night, this is the condition. I refuse to have you freezing to death."

"Thank you." She replied quietly, feeling momentarily stunned as she wrapped the heavy fabric tighter around herself, but she offered him a small smile in return anyway. This… was unexpected.

As they started making their way back towards the path to the lake, Robin tried to calm down the reactions literally every part of her body and mind had relapsed into. Everything felt warm, scorching almost, on the outside on her skin, and on the inside deep in her chest. She couldn't help hugging the fabric tighter around herself, blaming the action on the chilling wind but enjoying it for entirely different reasons. Luckily they didn't talk on their way through the dark… Robin doubted that she could've come up with anything witty to say, and Snape probably felt too uncomfortable with his own act of kindness to do so either. All Robin could focus on right now was the overwhelming smell that enveloped her senses, old books and fire and the dungeons and just him to the essence, and the feeling of sizzling flames taking an all-consuming hold of her heart.

This wasn't what a crush should feel like, was it? It wasn't just giggles and sighs, blushing cheeks and stolen glances… it was so much more than that. It was pleasantly terrifying. Maybe she shouldn't try to fight this so very desperately after all… not on the inside at least, in the depth of her mind and heart. She still had to carefully hide it, of course, but maybe she could also let herself be consumed by it from time to time. In the deepest, darkest corners of her being.

The walk down to the right part of the forest was short. The gentle lapping of small waves on the shore could barely be heard as they passed through the first trees, but it sufficed for Robin to finally bring herself to focus on the outside world and the task at hand again. Even if the comfort and the tingles of wearing Snape's cloak remained on a constantly underlying basis in her mind. After a few steps into the thicket, it was already difficult to see the ground beneath her feet, for the remaining foliage of the autumn blazed trees drowned out every and any moonlight. Smiling, Robin thought that she wouldn't need the light. Maybe Snape would actually be impressed by that for once.

"Do you have an actual strategy for finding the plants in question, or did you plan on searching for them in the darkness like a dunderhead?" Snape asked in the very instant she had meant to answer just that question, and stopped in his saunter with risen eyebrows.

Robin couldn't help looking up at him with a smirk in return. "What do you think?"

Without further explanations, she drew her wand out of her sleeve, and studied the dark ground for a moment while Snape studied her in an equal manner, without even trying to conceal his curiosity nor his amusement. Finally Robin pointed her wand at one of the small Plangentine flowers, and it glowed up in a faint orange a second later, without a single word being spoken. The glow slowly spread from the petals down into the roots, and from there on it expanded all over the forest floor in fine lines that ran wildly into every direction, peaking into brightly glowing spots wherever a flower was breaking out of the soil. The delicate web of faintly shimmering lines soon illuminated the entire area around them and tinted it in the subtle tones of a fire that seemed to burn deep within the roots of the Plangentine, in the veins of the earth.

"Impressive." He commented, as unimpressed as he could possibly manage to sound, but the way he observed the magic surrounding them told Robin an entirely different story. "I wasn't aware that your magic was advanced enough to work without a spoken word."

"Well, you hardly ever waste any of your words on spells either…" She shrugged, with a small smirk. "Couldn't be so hard then."

The glare she received immediately in return broadened her smirk even more, and thanks to the dim light she could tell that he was humored by her comment rather than offended. It had been a close call though.

"What kind of spell is this?" He finally asked, with a more neutral expression as he motioned to the glowing lines, and still undeniably interested in what Robin had just demonstrated. She'd known he would like it… and she felt rather proud that he did.

"I came up with it only two weeks ago, actually…" Robin started to explain as she moved to pick up the tiny glowing flowers that each lost their light as soon as she had plucked them off the ground. Too bad, really, it was such a beautiful sight. "As silly as it sounds, I was just messing around with spells for my charms homework, but then I discovered this… phenomenon."

"What, precisely, does it do?"

"Oh, it's fairly easy really. Would you like me to show you?"

"Obviously."

With a silent sigh, Robin placed the already gathered flowers in a small heap on the ground and moved to stand in front of the frowning potions professor. Then she pulled the sleeves of her shirt and his cloak up to her elbow and pointed her wand at the most prominent vein on the inside of her wrist. "Annexus Illuminis."

Almost instantly, the same orange glow flared up underneath her skin, starting as a small spark only. She dropped her hand with her wand back to her side and merely held the other arm out in front of her while the glow slowly spread underneath the skin, following the vein she had pointed at all the way up to run on under her sleeve. Still, the faint glow could be seen all the way up to her heart, even through the layers of fabric.

"So… that's how it works. It follows any coherent line, or in case of the Plangentine, the large net of roots that are all connected underground." Robin mused, and willed the glow in her arm to fade as she pushed her sleeve down again. "I came up with it by accident, but that doesn't mean it's not a good spell still."

"Indeed." Snape mused and then looked up from her arm to her eyes with one of his most enigmatic expressions. "It is… remarkable."

A smile spread on Robin's lips, and after a second longer of holding his gaze, she returned to gathering her flowers to not make a fool of herself. Remarkable… That was as good a compliment as she would get, and she felt both content and excited that her small bit of magic seemed to have impressed him indeed.

However, he really could help her with collecting those darn tiny flowers now. It was as much his work as it was hers, after all, but obviously the fine professor preferred to merely observe her in silent amusement as she moved through the space between the trees and almost tripped over his cloak a few times. It really wasn't her fault that she was an entire head shorter, and she rolled her eyes at his amusement at that. Really, and he called her insufferable. Ironic.

Eventually Robin believed to have enough Plangentine (some time after he had finally gotten over himself and helped her to collect it), and they started making their way back towards the castle. It was another of those shared mutual silences, a moment so ordinary and yet so special that it made Robin believe that she couldn't possibly feel more content anywhere else, calmer at any given point, nor happier with anyone else by her side.

The freezing wind whipped her hair into her face and tangled it beyond what she could repair before she turned into a scarecrow entirely, but then again she had to smirk once she realized that Snape seemed to have the very same problem. If they both looked horrible like that, it really didn't matter at all. What mattered however was the cold. Even with his cloak still tightly wrapped around her shoulders, it was undoubtedly more November weather than late October at this point, and thus, for once, Robin actually found herself glad to be back inside the castle. Soon enough they were headed into the dungeons once more, but instead of the classroom, they went straight into his office for once. While Robin dropped the pile of flowers on his desk and then summoned her backpack over from the adjunct room, Snape moved to prepare the first round of coffee. It really was an odd little ritual they had fallen into, but Robin loved every second of it. At this point, they had given up on the strictly alternating pattern of who made coffee for whom, and instead stuck to the law of opportunity. Whoever had time, or sometimes simply whoever had had the better day, made coffee for the other. It went wordlessly, and it had been working for a good while now. Thus Robin didn't feel guilty at all as she simply flopped down in her chair and suppressed a yawn while she waited for him to sit down across from her. Stupid temperature difference… why did it always make one yawn when coming back inside after being out in the cold for a while?! Before she could suppress it, she yawned again.

"Watching other people work must be very tiring." Snape sighed in that mocking scowl as he finally took his seat and placed a cup of steaming coffee in front of Robin.

"Then you must be quite exhausted." She replied easily, and wrapped her hands around the cup for warmth while her smirk was directed down at the very same object at first, then innocently up at the professor in front of her.

"I really should give you detention for sassing me all the time."

"You could also just tell me which dreadful task you would like to impose on me and I would do it even without detention." Robin lifted an eyebrow at him in amusement, even a little challenge.

"Would you, now?"

"Try me."

"If you insist…" He took a sip of his own coffee and mirrored her expression almost to the point. It made Robin snort. "You can write the recipe for the antidote to common poisons on the blackboard. I'm going to teach the second years to prepare it tomorrow morning, which should be enough punishment for me already as it is. My recipe, not that pathetic excuse of one in the textbook."

"Obviously not the one in the textbook." Robin snorted and rolled her eyes. "You couldn't cure a flobberworm with that, leave alone prepare the potion correctly without knowing what to alter."

"Indeed." He mused with a not-smirk that actually looked almost like a real smirk for once. Maybe because he only now came to realize that Robin had actually listened to him complaining about the textbook issue a good while ago. "Well?"

"What makes you so sure that I even know your recipe by heart?" Robin asked as she rose to her feet nonetheless, grabbed her coffee mug and made for the door to the classroom. If he wanted to try her indeed, she would prove to him that he would have to try harder.

"Do you not?" He questioned in return, and the subtle noises of movement behind her told her that he was following her into the classroom.

"Of course I do!" Robin complained with a snort as she skipped the few steps towards the blackboard and picked up the only piece of chalk that still looked usable.

"If you get chalk on my robes, I will personally hold you accountable for your crime." He commented flatly even before Robin could write the first letter, and she realized with a start that she was still wearing his robe indeed. With a subtle sigh under her breath, she took a second to memorize the delightful smell that still clung onto the fabric, then let it slip down her shoulders and placed the piece of clothing over his office chair. As she turned to look at him over her shoulder, he had taken a seat on the edge of the first row desks, coffee in hand, as he once again watched her with subtle amusement. She rolled her eyes in exaggeration while he could still see it and then faced the blackboard again with a small smile to start noting down the recipe. He was the insufferable one here!

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"In regard to the upcoming new year's ball, the headmaster and a few advisors have decided that the heads of the houses shall teach their students the art of ballroom dancing prior to the event. After last year's debacle, it was deemed very much necessary." Professor McGonagall spoke loudly as she walked up and down the great hall, passing through the open space in between the students standing on either wall with bored faces. The side of the hall where Robin was standing was crowded with the Slytherin students of the years four to seven… the other side of the hall with Gryffindor students of the same years.

"We all shall see to it that this year's ball will be a dance, and not a party."

"If the head of the house is supposed to teach us to dance… why are we here?" A very familiar voice asked, none other than Alexander Downing, but Robin deemed it a decent enough question to listen to the professor's response.

"I was just getting to that point, and if you would have shown a little patience, you would already have your answer." McGonagall snapped back at him, and Robin had to smile on instinct at her fierceness. That expression however vanished off her face when the professor spoke on. "Seeing as Professor Flitwick is not able to, and Professor Snape is… indisposed, Professor Sprout will be teaching the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff students to dance properly, and I myself shall see to you."

A general murmur went through both houses, and Robin couldn't help feeling a little disappointed. She would've liked to see Snape dancing, even if only to have a decent reason to observe him for once. And yet… seeing him dancing with someone else very likely would've turned her sour for the rest of the weekend, as pathetic as that would be, so maybe it was good that things were this way now. She didn't have to make a fool of herself, and Snape wouldn't be annoyed with a house full of idiots trying not to trip over their own two feet. However the way McGonagall had said 'indisposed' left Robin with a lingering unease, a worry deeply rooted in her heart that she just couldn't shake off. Even as they were asked to pair up to have a go at trying out what had just been demonstrated (which Robin had completely missed due to being stuck in her head) she still could focus on very little but her own concern, but she made an effort to at least take notice of her surroundings again.

Most of the girls were surprisingly eager to find a partner, to dance and learn to do so properly, while the boys however looked like they preferred to do anything but. Robin for her part was mostly indifferent to it, seeing as she already knew how to dance, but she had no intention to do so at the ball anyhow. She would be attending, but only because she didn't like the thought of Snape sulking by himself all night, seeing as he likely would be forced to attend yet again. They'd had a nice time last year, and maybe he would come to sit with her again once the change of years was near. Anyhow, for now Robin merely observed the pairing up of different people, while unsurprisingly nobody asked her to dance. She honestly hadn't expected anyone to, so she sighed to herself and walked up to a redheaded Gryffindor boy who seemed just as out of place as she herself felt.

"Hey, are you also still looking for a partner?" She asked as nicely as she could, but her voice let on a bit of the dread she felt nonetheless.

"And you want to dance with me? So you can trip me and all of your classmates can have a good laugh? No thank you." He scoffed, and Robin rolled her eyes in return. What a jerk…

"You don't even know me, and just because I wear green instead of red doesn't make me an instant asshole. But whatever, I was just trying to be nice." She grumbled and turned on her heel to head back to the opposite wall. Wasn't it delightful, in her own house she was despised for not being Slytherin enough, and the other houses despised her for being in Slytherin in the first place… bloody idiots, all of them.

"Wait, I'm sorry." The boy brought out before Robin was entirely out of reach. "You're right, that was unfair of me. I would appreciate if we could practice dancing together."

"Alright." Robin sighed and gave him a half smile. Maybe he wasn't a complete jerk after all, just someone who had unjustified prejudices. And that was rather human, actually. "Let's get this over with."

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[mrs-nate-humphrey]

no-sleep 1x09rewatch ramble-essay (all content warnings for the episode apply here)

i was just like. oh i’ll watch a feel-good episode of gossip girl! s1 thanksgiving ep is great isn’t it! blairenate family feels!!! ruflyson love triangle drama!!! vdw siblings AND humphrey siblings hanging out!!! dan’s “see you later waldorf” *salutes & closes the cab door* !!!

& like. yes i DID remember serena’s whole not being sober on thanksgiving thing, and yes i DID remember blair’s ED relapse - which is heavy, but eating disorder content isn’t particularly triggering for me personally (i find it kind of cathartic, if we’re being honest) BUT . i somehow forgot. that THIS was the episode which has howard’s suicide attempt?? and now i have some of the most painful nate feels in the world. 

blah blah blah, leight’s acting brought me to tears, which probably doesn’t sound like a very big deal but sort of is, for a variety of reasons (watching things doesn’t usually make me cry, it’s happened maybe a single-digit number of times before + also just my blair feels in general --> she’s a really interesting character but i don’t find her AS relatable as i do dan, or nate, or vanessa, or maybe even serena at times --> so i usually do have a bit of a disconnect re: watching her, which i really do not have for like. dan, for instance.) 

i just cannot divorce that very cute outfit blair wears with her ED relapse - which brings me to the next point, which is that blair is maybe THE only character ever for whom her clothing choices and her plotlines are so interwoven in my head (lemon yellow shirt and funky little hat is her mean bridesmaids competitive game day, yellow-&-orange dress is her choose chuck over dan moment, genderqueer plaid skirt and grey shirt is her “dan loves me for me” moment, white shirt with the pink flowers is her get owned by nelly yuki moment, etc etc)... the only other time i noticed outfits is derena cotillion, but that’s just because i LOVE derena cotillion, and date matching shirts, but that’s because i am tuned into all things date and couldn’t possibly tell you what those outfits actually symbolise, with the exception of dan’s pink flannel shirt from when he’s holding milo. or any of the outfits from 2x06 because that is my episode hands down. oh hey would you look at that, i do actually form associations. but you gotta believe me on this, blair’s the one it happens most naturally for, which is very strange. i think it’s because her outfits are always Statements in a way that the other characters never do, except for jenny, who is a fashion designer, so it’s Different for her. what am i trying to say. 

oh yeah another iconic outfit is serena’s golden jacket and bright blue pants to the morgue to identify what might be chuck’s corpse. she literally dressed like she was going clubbing and i respect her so much for that. 

anyway. gosh. nate just - getting gaslit by his mom, getting reprimanded by his dad for telling his mom to stop being rude/petty... howard was like “don’t fight my fights for me” but nate wasn’t even doing that?? he was just asking his mom Not to be rude, and the fact that nate got told off at the end of that interaction... uh. it shows a lot about the archibald family unit in general and just. how nate is sort of treated as ... i don’t have the right word, but my brain is like “second class citizen”... which is absolutely NOT the right concept for nate but like. he is treated like he is Less a part of the family than his parents are....... RIGHT until one of them (or both of them!) fuck up in a big way and it’s down to nate to fix their mess. i haven’t read “adult children of emotionally immature parents” but from whatever i’ve heard about it, i think nate could do with reading it. or not. maybe it’d just make him sadder.

and fuck - nate’s whole talk with his dad and his dad telling nate that he doesn’t know how he can go on, etc etc... idk what to say or where to draw the line but i have really complicated howard & nate feelings. i really truly think anne was the worse parent (not like it’s a competition of course) and i sometimes seriously wonder if maybe howard archibald had a more supportive life partner, maybe he wouldn’t have ended up being ~like that~ to nate (doesn’t justify anything of course). anyway nate’s sitting by the hospital bed and his dad is denying his suicide attempt at first and nate’s just like, no, stop. this is also making me think now of nate sitting by serena’s hospital bed after tripp, and nate possibly sitting by blair’s hospital bed some point pre-series (eating disorders are serious and i really do think, esp with eleanor being eleanor, that it must’ve gotten pretty bad for blair before she got help - which. sorry. i know, it’s sad but i’m just putting together pre-existing implications.) all i’m saying is some point in the future i wouldn’t be surprised if nate’s just. uncomfortable in hospitals and unable to piece together why. oh yikes i just remembered blair’s miscarriage. at which point do hospitals become overly suffocating for natie, remind him of his own helplessness, etc... because i really think they would. anyway. 

anne archibald chills me because she is such an accurate representation of a very specific kind of mother and. i hate it for nate obviously but i struggle to remember a time i’ve seen a tv mom who i can 100% relate to so hard. as in. fuck. worded that wrong. whose SON i can relate to so hard. ouch. this may be a moot point because i don’t watch much tv, but honestly anne & nate is just. a Lot. in a way that is significant to Me, specifically. this is part of my pet peeve (not enough to fight with anybody don’t worry) when people make edits about mothers & daughters, as if what was happening between nate & anne, somehow didn’t have the same complications - i honestly think there’s some solid eleanor & blair/ anne & nate parallels to be drawn. and we’ve been over this somewhere else, but lily & serena / rufus & dan / rufus & jenny definitely have a lot of the same specific issues (parent projecting on child, etc.) again - everyone engages w the show differently, im ready to admit that like... maybe 65% of my problems with the ‘mothers & daughters’ reading probably stem from gender dysphoria, lol. but whatever.

i have feelings about dan & alison, too... i really do think dan was closer to his mom than to his dad for majority of his childhood, and this ep really cements it. anyway. i don’t have any more words and i’m tired. and i might just watch derena cotillion episode because . derena cotillion episode my beloved... 

wait wait before i forget. venn diagram of humphrey family & van der bilt family & playing american football. i know this has come up before but like. here we go i;m thinking about it again. both dan and nate have been competitively thrown in the grass by a family member in the name of sports. no wonder nate chose dan over chuck in 2x06 (i would put a tone indicator but even i can’t tell if this is /gen or /j) 

#rewatch tag #long post #natie my beloved :( #meta #ok now for the heavy stuff #alcohol #addiction / #i mean it's implied im gonna tag anyway #eating disorders cw #eating disorder mention #bulimia cw #attempted suicide cw #suicide attempt cw #parental abuse cw #abuse cw #personal #this is actually ok to reblog if you want just don't add things to it #and be mindful that it's. whatever it is #im also tagging #prompt #again: solely for myself #i was gonna write a datefic where [ redacted ] #the number of typos in this are embarrassing but this is the time people wake up #and not the time people go to bed #so #im allowed

[thejustmaiden]

Fiction and Real Life Go Hand In Hand

This blog goes out to all those pro-Sessrin fans out there who refuse to acknowledge the very real effects fiction can have on our world and vice versa. I highly encourage other Inuyasha fans who defend/enable these shippers to read this, as well. I assure you, by no means are my intentions here to stir up trouble. Honestly, I just want some good healthy discourse for once if that’s not too much to ask. If you do decide to engage, please be mindful of that and treat others with respect and I will do the same in return. All in all, the goal of this blog is to exercise my right to speak out and be critical about content I believe to have very potentially detrimental repercussions. I ask that you not attack me or insult me simply for stating an opinion. Thank you! 

It’s like the title says, meaning fiction does matter. Where do you think we get ideas for all the stories we tell? Where do we draw inspiration from in the first place?

Real life, that's where! And yes, always with a touch of imagination! Long story short: fiction matters because real life does.

Allow me to elaborate.

Shippers of the Sesshomaru x Rin (Sessrin) pairing say it's not fair of us to throw around serious accusations or use certain deragatory terms that suggest such awful acts like child grooming or pedophilia because of the harmful implications. One of their reasonings being that some people IRL have actually lived through these traumas, so we shouldn't dare to assume they're comparable since one is just fiction and the other is not. But this isn’t about which is worse than the other, because they’re both super problematic. All we’re literally doing is making a link between grooming in real life and grooming in fiction. They mirror each other. Same issue; different mediums. We’re not undermining any one’s past experiences with grooming or the like, nor are we prioritizing fiction to diminish real life abuse. They’re both awful in numerous ways and that’s all we’re trying to say. In fact, if anything we’re attempting to demonstrate just how crucial this correlation is between them. In order to protect past victims and prevent future ones, we must remain vigiliant of the content we consume, and yes, sometimes that means we have to challenge it too. Just because it’s widely-viewed does not make it widely-accepted or well-received. It is paramount that we educate ourselves on how to be more critical of some of the harmful tropes and images that are still way too prevalent in mainstream media. Sexualizing young and pre-pubescent girls is way more normalized than some of us even realize. It’s sad but true that Sessrin is just one of many examples. I know it feels like society has failed us in a lot of ways, but it’s never too late to re-evaluate and re-learn better and more improved ways of viewing and processing information presented to us.

Our mission: Let’s not show our kids that grooming or any other form of abuse are acceptable if they may ever come to experience or encounter it themselves. Be it the real world or on screen. Deal? 

There have been a number of occasions where real life victims do speak up against the Sessrin ship and express how extremely uncomfortable it makes them feel by what it represents. The problem is that it’s becoming more evident now that many of their fans will dismiss anything purely on the basis that we pose a threat to their ship and nothing more. What it comes down to is they have no real leg to stand on and cannot possibly top any of what we have to say so instead they simply disregard it. Our inconvenient truths don't fit into their ideal *cough* OOC *cough* narrative so they just choose to be willfully ignorant. It conflicts with their fantasy, so rather than present a sound argument of their own, they flat-out reject it and offer no plausible back-up behind their reasoning besides "I don't interpret it that way." GUYS, CHILD GROOMING IS NOT UP FOR INTERPRETATION.

Just because you so desperately want your ship to come true does not mean you can up and decide to redefine a word so that it caters to your stance. Remind yourself that these are complex AND objective terms that we have no right to fiddle with to serve our own selfish purposes. This is why we can conclude that there's no debate about Sesshomaru's actions towards Rin embodying child grooming.

I apologize if any of my words are triggering by the way, so please feel free to take a break and return later if that’s more suitable for you. it's just really important that everyone in this fandom comprehends the extent in which Sessrin going canon is catastrophic. And no, I'm not exaggerating; I'm simply speaking the truth. Shippers justifying these horrible acts- yes, even in fiction- is usually due to the stubborn refusal to hear us out. No offense to anyone (just stating facts), but more times than not antis like myself feel as if we’re talking to a brick wall when we interact with Sessrin peeps. They go in circles and never expand on their perspectives. 

Just a head’s up: THIS GETS LONG. Stick with me. :p

Just look at their take on the Inukag vs. Sessrin relationships for example. This isn't a question of age gaps, this is a question of physical/emotional compatibility. Inukag are the same age mentally wise regardless of one being demon and the other not, whereas Sessrin is not and never will be, and yes, even once she's an adult. The thing is we have debunked this time and time again, because they’re not the same and therefore not comparable, but for some reason these fans won’t drop it. Nothing has changed in their argument, yet they’re persistent in bringing it up. I choose to not go into more detail, since like I said, you can find it around everywhere. I just wanted to touch upon it briefly to prove a point. Maybe it will come up again later in my blog though! 

Where was I earlier? Right, child grooming! Haven't you guys realized that what you’re doing is precisely what child groomers do to make excuses or deny any grooming took place at all? (FYI: I’m not accusing you of being child groomers yourselves.) “They reciprocated so the feelings are mutual" is a typical groomer response, but of course it varies. More often than not, victims of grooming aren't even aware they've been groomed until much later. That's how manipulative groomers are that they can legitmately convince you that maybe you're wrong in questioning their motives. Perhaps in the victim’s mind that because one huge indicator of grooming never actually took place it technically cannot constitute as grooming. They start to doubt themselves even though their intuition is telling them something’s off. They should just ignore it then since it can’t possibly be grooming if that one particular thing never happened, right? Wrong, grooming isn’t strictly this or strictly that. It's much more complicated and multi-faceted. This is why the “but Sesshomaru left Rin in the village” point upsets me greatly. HE WAS STILL INVOLVED IN HER LIFE, Y’ALL.  

On top of that, are you aware that this is the exact same kind of predatory mindset pedophiles use to describe their infatuation with children? They'll say things like, "I don't see them as an adult and a child. I see them as two people with a soul connection." Okay no joke, I wish I was lying, but that is literally a point one pro-sessrin fan on here recently used to defend this ship. It both astounds me and terrifies me that they don't see the glaring similarities they share in common with actual pedos.

Alright, I want to quickly return to what I was saying earlier about fiction's impact on real life. (Sorry, I’m a bit of a scatterbrain!)

The characters and their worlds in our stories that we dream up and bring to life are nothing short of awe-inspiring and magnificent if we so choose them to be. If it wasn't for our imaginations, stories like Inuyasha would have never come to exist. Fiction provides us an amazing outlet where we are given the opportunity to express ourselves and explore its infinite creative possibilities.

But strip away all the demons and magical components of this show we all love so dearly and what are we left with?

At the very core, Inuyasha is a story that's very reminiscent of the human experience: love, camaraderie, a sense of purpose, and much more!

So perhaps we got a full-fledged dog demon like Sesshomaru, but does that necessarily mean we can't relate to him or understand him simply because dog demons don't exist in the real world? Well, I hope that's not how you view it or else you're missing the whole point of why humans create stories to begin with. We create them to make better sense of and thus connect with the world we live in. And when you really think about it, our stories are just a celebration of life- both our struggles and our triumphs. Now I'm no philosophy professor, but I'm pretty sure they'd say I hit that nail right smack on the head. ;)

All shitty jokes aside, the whole reason I’m mentioning this specific example in the first place is because this recently came up with another Sessrin supporter. That supporter tried to defend the ship by stating that we aren't allowed to use Sesshomaru as an example to judge by since his kind don't exist in the real world.

Now if it isn't evident already, this "it's just fiction" argument is a popular go-to stance many Sessrin fans will resort to once they've run out of ideas and are metaphorically backed into a corner. The funny/sad thing is that they seem to sincerely believe this is strong enough evidence to defend their ship with, but per usual, they fail to see how hypocritical that would be. I’ll clarify soon down below. 

Seriously, since when did we decide that fantasy- or any story genre for that matter- stopped reflecting the real world we live in? I mean, we humans are the ones writing these stories. Our human influence is bound to make an impact in some capacity. In fact, we want it to!

Obviously none of us have ever met a dog demon like Sesshomaru, because how could we? Let me tell ya, this is gaslighting at its finest! This is a fictional story with fantasy elements, so of course there will be beings and creatures in their world that don't exist in our own. Does that somehow translate to the fact that nothing from the story of Inuyasha can be applied to our own personal stories or that there aren't meaningful messages to be taught and learned?

So on the flipside, if they're not screaming at us "it's just fiction" for the hundred billionth time, then they are, believe it or not, doing the reverse and comparing it to real world history. One instance of this is how they tell us we're making a big deal about something that isn't real, but go right ahead and use the history of feudal Japan to support Sesshomaru's decision to court (aka GROOM) a young girl because that's how it was done back then. And so, your point being?? It wasn't right then just because it was legal, and it's most certainly not right now. This is how all of their arguments go by the way, where you'll constantly witness a cherry-picking approach. It's agonizing to endure contradiction after contradiction in their arguments filled with nothing but holes in their logic.

I'd just like to add that if we're overreacting to this fictional ship like they love to say we are then technically so are they. They tell us things like "grow up" or "nobody is telling you to keep watching," yet fail to realize they're reacting just as fervently as we are but just on the opposing side of the same damn argument. I find it interesting how they're as invested in this show but pretend they aren't then STILL have the audacity to say it's only us who care this much!? So thank you Sessrin shippers for further proving our point that fiction is more than capable of affecting reality and the people- YES, US- who reside in it.

It's insane that people act like pedophiles and other creeps don't enjoy entertainment too like the rest of us. Believe it or not, they look just like you and me most of the time. Yes, that means they can easily pass as a “regular guy” if they so wished to. My question to you is how do you think pedophiles will take it when they discover others- underage fans more specifically- who dig the same kinda media they get off to? Maybe not in the exact same way, mind you, but there's a thin line between them when you really think about it. I mean, what other explanation is there for why literal pedos on the internet have been known to sneak into pro-sessrin group chats here on Tumblr before? (Thankfully, they were later kicked.) I know that for a fact! It's almost as if the universe is trying to tell them something they refuse to listen to elsewhere. Hhmmm I wonder what that may be. 

I imagine it’s possibly one of the hardest things to admit out loud and to themselves, but I can almost guarantee you that most of these Sessrin shippers who are victims of CSA and who still see no issue with Sessrin must be living with some sort of unresolved trauma caused by the very abuse they claimed to have undergone. It's been proven that victims who do not seek or properly receive the help and treatment they need in order to address and live with a traumatic experience such as this are more likely to perpetuate that very same abuse themselves in some way, shape or form. What if in this case fiction is enough for them, but who's to say it won’t eventually manifest itself in other more dire and far-reaching ways? It's not like we haven't seen this vicious cycle before, and I can promise you that Sessrin won't be the last. LET'S STOP NORMALIZING & GLORIFYING THE ROMANTIZATION & SEXUALIZATION OF CHILDREN. Fictional example: Usagi Drop. Need I say more? Real world example: Woody Allen. Again, need I say more?

Bottom line is that Sessrin shippers don't want us to think too critically about this ship of theirs, because if we dig too deep then they're forced to face the very troubling implications this pairing really stands for. Of course they'll never admit to them, because instead they rather double down and grasp at the same old straws as long as it means their precious ship is protected at all costs. Screw everyone else if that's what it takes, because they'll threaten to burn down legit buildings in real life if that ensures Sessrin goes canon! (True story, this happened on Twitter.) They’ll taunt and bully anyone who disagrees. Even if all you literally say is that you don’t like the ship, they’ll gang up on you. Tell them about your past experience with being groomed? They’ll laugh in your face. I wish I was kidding, but I assure you I am not.  And they say we're ridiculous and taking this way too seriously? Yeah...

The typical behavior of a Sessrin shipper demonstrates an overly aggressive front since they're usually on defense mode anyway. They only want to ship their sick ship in peace in other words. But just because neo-nazis have a right to spew their bigoted ideology, doesn't mean we don't got the right to punch them! Freedom of speech doesn't equate to freedom from consequences. And Sessrin shippers wonder why they got so many haters. Just sayin'.

Their presence on other platforms like Twitter and Reddit are some examples of how delusional and unstable some Sessrin fans are capable of becoming. Even recently, an anon here on Tumblr sent Richard Ian Cox (English VA for Inuyasha) a totally uncalled for ask telling him that "sessrin is love and there's nothing he can do about it." (That's not verbatim, but if you're interested I'll link you to it.) It appears they discovered that he didn't like Sessrin based on how he had been replying to asks, and just for that reason alone they thought they had the right to harass him. For simply stating his opinion, y'all. They didn't even have the decency to show their face either. Talk about immature and cowardly! 

Just yesterday (or was it the day before?) a fanatic Sessrin user on Tumblr- who’s also been known for hateful remarks on Twitter but those tweets have of course been deleted since then- went out of their way to not only lurk in a group chat they don’t belong to on here but to then proceed to harass a few of us in there. They had the guts to take screenshots from that group chat, tag us in posts on their page regarding what they read in there, and without our knowledge or permission went ahead and actually blogged them?? I mean, who calls out people behind their backs while they're just minding their own business?? It worries me how unhinged and out of touch with reality some Sessriners are. Not all of them, but a whole lot of them. 

It seems all they are doing is looking for trouble, as they just can't stand how much we hate this ship. So it's more than okay if they love on their ship but it's not okay if we don't and we should just keep our mouths shut. But since when do Sessrin fans have authority over our opinions? Even if they were officially canon, nothing is ever gonna change our opinion. Now when they actually do decide to participate in discourse with antis, you'll see them fishing for excuses to bow out. How they normally go about this is by fabricating a way to blame us antis for their exiting a conversation as if we're being the irrational ones here.

There’s no denying that some antis can also be overly blunt or aggressive (nobody is saying we’re perfect here), but speaking for myself, I know I would never make such nasty comments about other fans and their personal lives. And honestly? It would make me feel like shit talking bad about someone I don't actually know. Nah, I won't stoop to that level or give haters that satisfaction. I may not attack them as people, but that doesn't mean I can't attack some of their messed up ideas that threaten to distort how we should or shouldn’t perceive certain dangerous situations and events. Seeing as how for me this is more than just a matter of opinion- it's a moral responsibility and even an obligation.

I know it's difficult to remain civil when things get heated and people start taking things personally- yet more proof that fiction impacts our lives- but that's the only way any of us will ever have constructive discussions about serious topics like this. Unfortunately, Sessrin shippers, from what I can tell, are incapable of engaging in real discourse for the most part. They may be vocal but that doesn't mean they can pack a punch. I’d really love to be proven wrong someday.

Okay, moving on! If they're not involved in some big-time gaslighting then they're using their infamous strawman argument approach.

Sessrin fans’ sole purpose isn't really to defend their ship, per se, but rather to deflect and antagonize. They like to mislead in order to shift the focus/blame onto their opponent or something else that's not related so that they can stray from the main point. 

Take the drama CD for example. It's officially NOT considered canon, right? But that hasn't stopped many fans from referencing it anyway so let’s too consider it for a moment. The point is that they use its "existence" whenever convenient then deny it or downplay it whenever it’s not. So on one hand, it's plain as day that they celebrate it as proof of a romantic future for Sessrin. But then later once we point out to them that Sesshomaru is essentially confessing to Rin that he will wait for her until she's of age, they'll brush it off and quickly add that they didn't interpret the scene that way and leave it at that. I mean how else would you interpret it? And if it's not a proposal of sorts then why exactly are you bouncing off the walls about it to begin with?? If that's all it means is nothing then why are we even talking about this?! You see what I mean here??! And somehow we're the crazy ones? 

Let me to be frank with you. If you haven’t listened to it already, this proposal he offered her sounded like a declaration of love in a multitude of ways, which is wildly inappropriate since Rin was only 12 at the time. Signifying that Sesshomaru was/is indeed grooming her. Well, that is if you choose to recognize the drama CD. Nevertheless, whether you do or not, I personally hate that this non-canon satire is even associated with the Inuyasha name to begin with. Ugh. 

Intentional or not, Sesshomaru made a deliberate decision in that moment to tell a little girl- and not just any little girl mind you but a girl he's taken in under his care for a good year- that he would wait for her if she so chooses once she's old enough. 

The issue is that it isn’t only age of consent we’re concerned about regarding this pairing. What Sessriners fail to see is that this grown male authority- her vassal, her guardian, her adoptive father, or whatever you wanna refer to him as- is basically making a move on this girl he had in his company for quite some time. There's no sugarcoating that. Us antis call it how it is, and I'm sure as fucking day other people who don't watch the show would most certainly agree that the Sesshomaru/Rin bond is filial. Set aside those rose-tinted glasses of yours, and going by everything we’ve been delivered in the manga and parts of the anime (and NOT the drama cd), there are literally no hints that indicate a blossoming romance between this adult male demon and this small human girl he’s taken under his wing. You can imagine them all you want if it pleases you, but that doesn’t mean they’re there. Adult!Rin is a figment of your imagination, nothing more. The idolization of this pairing is pretty disturbing seeing as all we have to go off of in canon is Child!Rin. There have only ever been sweet and innocent moments passed between the two, which is why I’m positive that an unbiased viewer or an outsider would state their dynamic resembled something akin to a father-daugther relationship. I would bet a shit ton of money on that, believe you me!

Rin's inhibitions are low because children are naturally naive and don't know any better. Remember, she adores and trust this man with all her heart, so why would she think any of this so-called grooming is not normal behavior. (I only say “so-called grooming” because I don’t think Sesshomaru bringing her gifts in the village has to be a romantic thing.) Or how would she ever be able to understand that she’s being taken advantage of if she has no previous experience with it? Maybe if she was present for that time Inuyasha and the gang scolded Miroku when they had learned that years previous he had supposedly proposed to this young girl in the village they were visiting, then Rin would. And he didn’t even assist in helping raise her but look at how they reacted! How is this any different than Sesshomaru hooking up with Rin later? It’s actually worse in Sessrin's case. Do you honestly believe that Inuyasha and the others would take kindly to this?

It's not uncommon and considered harmless for young children to have crushes on adults, after all, but the adults in these scenarios should never resort to using and abusing the position of power they held or continue to hold over this child for any reason whatsoever.

What I'm trying to get across here is that no matter how you spin it, Sessrin can NEVER be deemed a morally acceptable pairing. Like ship what you want, we're not saying you can't ship Sessrin. What we're saying is this:

STOP referring to their bond as "pure" and not expect backlash for your grossly inaccurate statements. Just admit it's toxic, because it's extremely harmful to many viewers- and not just victims- to pretend and suggest otherwise.

Please remind yourself of the very real canon fact that Rin traveled with Sesshomaru and they established a bond all while she was just a girl. Oh, and he saved her life too many times to count, not to mention brought her back from the dead TWICE. This is why I don't care much for your counter argument "that dynamics can change over time," because although that's true, like with everything in life there must be standards we adhere to. Exceptions to rules, if you will. Our own basic morals demand it.

For instance, it’s normal that some childhood friends begin to like each other as more than friends years down the road. Nothing wrong with that, because that's a natural and healthy occurrence. Now you cannot apply this to an adult and a child for obvious reasons, but what you also cannot do is apply this to an adult who met and knew another adult while they were still just a child. Why? Well, because it'd be like betraying and perverting that former child's view of you. They were never your equal because your established dynamic resembles that of one an adult posesses with a child even once they've grown up. Think about it this way: it's in the same bracket of family members or family friends who've watched you grow up and mature into an adult. Then later just because they're all grown up, does that mean that those children "are not off bounds" - that's quoting a Sessrin shipper by the way- to these certain family members and family friends? 

If you're still struggling to grasp this, I urge you to take a moment (or all the time you need!) to really put yourself in that child's shoes and self-reflect. Would you truly be alright with a family friend you haven't seen in years (but sorely missed because they used to occasionally babysit you) just someday coming back into your life and then very inappropriately flirting with you or even making sexual advances on you? (Sorry for the run-on!) Or even worse, can you picture this happening to one of your own children??! Seriously, ask yourself that and sit with that for a while and really take it all in. It’s not fun, I know, but if that’s what it takes to help you finally understand then please try and practice more ways to utilize your self-awareness in the future. It’s for everyone’s benefit, not only yours, I promise! You'll also find it makes it tremendously easier to empathize with others.

I got news for those fans who don’t view Sesshomaru as a father figure to Rin. The title we give him doesn’t hold as much weight as a lot of us are making it out to be. Let’s try to be neutral here and stick to the hard facts, shall we?

*Sesshomaru is an adult male authority whose protection Rin is under*

*It’s safe to assume that Rin has grown attached to him and maybe even looks up to him*

*They care about each other and the other's well-being*

*He has has played a crucial part in her supervision and care for a significant period of time (yes, even if it’s just passing a message along to Jaken)*

Not so random anecdote: In an Inuyasha episode I recently revisited, Sesshomaru had just rescued Rin from Kohaku who had been possessed by Naraku and was ordered to kill Rin. Anyway, at the end of their scene you can hear Jaken ask out loud, “what should we do for dinner, Lord Sesshomaru?” And that’s about the most domestic thing I’ve ever heard come out of his mouth. They’re such a family dammit and nothing will ever change that!! <3

This is precisely why I could never in a million years view those past students of mine in a romantic light. I don't care how many years have passed, it's just not possible for me. Just the idea of pursuing a romantic and/or sexual relationship absolutely repels me.

Speaking as a former teacher, you don't need to be a parental figure who's around all the time in order to have great love and affection for a child. I would've done absolutely anything in my power to protect them even though they weren't my own. Then again, I did consider them my children in a way even if wasn't in a familial sense. Does that make my love for them any less unique? No, it's just different but not inferior. When you stop to think about, it really doesn't take as long as you may think to establish rapport with a person, particularly children. Connecting with a child is almost instant (but of course some are more receptive than others), and once you do make that special connection one can only make with a child, a strong and overwhelming need to guide and protect them kicks in almost automatically. The unconditional love an adult feels for a child is powerful and constant, and nothing should ever change that. As much as some of you really want to believe otherwise, that feeling doesn’t just go away because they turned 18. In your eyes, they’ll always be that kid.

I get it, sometimes when we escape into these fictional worlds of ours, it's difficult not to project our own wishes and desires onto certain characters. I don't blame fans for picturing themselves with Sesshomaru- I know I did haha- but never once did I self-insert myself as Rin. I know she's one of the biggest catalysts for his character growth- if not THE biggest- but how and why does that need to turn romantic? There are other antis who I have spoken with on this. They informed me that they used to live vicariously through Rin and ship them together, as well. As they got older, they later learned how weird and twisted this ship actually was. That's what's supposed to happen, y'all, you're supposed to grow out of that fixation. 

Now take your mind out of the Inuyasha universe for a second and hypothetically (or not hypothetically if you have kids) answer me this: if and/or when you ever have a child, would you genuinely be comfortable with the idea of them dating and eventually marrying their father’s best friend who was also there to witness them grow up? Be honest please. 

I highly doubt you would want that- or at least I hope not. You see, that's another MAJOR point I've made a few times already and yet you Sessrin shippers continue to avoid the question. It's pretty obvious it hasn't been rhetorical either. Ignorance is bliss?

Finally, I’d like to address one more point. It seems there is a HUGE misconception and I'd like to clear it up real quick. That is Sessrin shippers misinterpret one of the issues we have with this ship. They chalk up our complaints of Sessrin being canon (which is a LIE, nothing has been confirmed yet) to us just being salty because that somehow means our ships aren't or won’t be. I assure you, readers, other antis and I will attest that this ain't about dumb shipping wars, this is so much bigger than that!!!

I noticed recently that some Sessrin fans have even begun calling us Karens lolol like if anybody is a Karen it's them! This ain't about some mere difference in taste, this is very likely to have LONG-LASTING NEGATIVE EFFECTS. Sessrin going canon is a very harmful message to send viewers and children/teens especially. So if anything, it’s these shippers who are being the entitled ones here thinking that the fact we don’t support their ship is the worst thing in the world. NO, THE REAL PROBLEM IS CHILD GROOMING. GET OVER YOURSELF.

Out of nowhere, some of them even started assuming all us antis were white, which in their books is also equivalent to Karens or even white supremacists somehow?? Those aren't one in the same, but it's easy to make it appear that way when the US is currently tackling major systems of oppression and racial injustice. Because to them, all antis must be from over here. (Yes, I'm American. But no, I'm not white.) How else can anyone explain not shipping Sessrin, right?! Somehow they have it in their heads that ALL of Japan and surrounding places are super approving of this ship, and that everyone else isn’t because of their upbringing and “Western way of thinking.”  

To give you an idea of what I mean, look back at what I talked about earlier with their incessant mention of Sessrin vs. Inukag. Because THIS is another popular example of how these shippers present their side and then ignore all the facts. Many fans have already proven how fucked up and inaccurate it is to label whole countries and cultures. It’s like they simply think mentioning it makes it count even though we’ve discredited their points over and over. Nah, you got to back it up with good reasons that support your side of the argument. That’s How To Have An Argument: 101. So at the end of the day, all they're actually achieving in doing is making dumb and entirely unrelated accusations based on nothing just to lead to deductions that are equally unfounded. Nothing at all is accomplished but more gaslighting and hurling of insults on their part = a complete waste of time for antis = an excuse for them to peace out early from the conversation & that’s what they wanted all along

We’ve reached the end (finally! sorry for all the rambling!), and I hope those of you who stayed till the end or read enough can take something positive out of this. As many Inuyasha fans are aware, there will be a livestream with the VAs for Sesshomaru and Rin coming out within the next few hours. We don’t have all the details yet, and afterwards we probably still won’t. I’m not just talking about Sessrin here but about the sequel in general. Whatever happens, please just remember to be kind to one another. If you don’t think you’re capable of doing that, then it’s best you vent and fume elsewhere. Easier said than done, I know, but just try. Throughout this blog, I admit there were moments where I got frustrated and took some jabs at Sessrin shippers. Please believe me when I say that I do not and would not ever wish any of you ill will. 

Inuyasha was such a huge part of my childhood, and I’m not gonna lie, I’m anxious as hell that Sunrise will ruin one of the best things I loved about this show. So pardon me if my reactions are too visceral for your liking. haha Also, like the movies and the drama cd, this sequel is not in fact canon. Therefore, for those of you who disagree or who still plan to enjoy this new series, respect the fact that some of us fans will definitely “cancel” it if we feel that’s what we have to do to come to terms with it and move on. Fans have that right, after all. Why should we get on board with something if it’s so uncharacteristic of and unrecognizable from the original source material? If all this is some sort of cash grab of Sunrise’s doing, then count me out. I truly hope that this sequel turn outs being a lot more promising than a lot of us are expecting. I’m begging you, Sunrise, I wanna believe you’re better than this. Please and thank you!   

By the way, if you’re interested, feel free to check out my two other blogs on this same subject. Click here and here. The last two screenshots do not come from something I’ve written myself. If you’d like to read more from where those came from, let me know and I’d be more than happy to send you the links. Okay, bye for now. Peace out and stay safe, everyone! 

#inuyasha #hanyo no yashahime #anti sessrin #sesshomaru #rin

[lordseochangbin]

scene stealers

3racha imagine + smut— this is so filthy im so sorry i don’t know what this msksks

the dim, neon lights of the large studio and the consistent beat that allured your attention kept you distant from the few people around you. headphones covered your ears as your fingers brushed the dust off of the mix board in front of you and when the song came to an end, you quickly took them off.

“it’s perfect!” you said to the three boys sitting in the small black sofa behind you.

“dope!! now lets get this shit on the new album” chan winked before getting up to get the door.

“look who’s here” changbin smirked as jennifer walked in, her long legs practically glowing in her tight green shorts despite the dim lighting. you let out an annoyed sigh before waving at her and pretending to go back to work. 

how many times has jennifer been joining the four of you in the studio now? 15.. no no.. 20 times now? you didn’t know what it was about her. when she was around you seemed somehow.. lacking. the presence of three handsome men around you made you feel loved but when their eyes were on someone else you felt at loss. their eyes were definitely on jennifer, in fact if you didn’t have such a harsh deadline to meet you probably would’ve drooled over her in gay as well. just like the three men behind you, their focus entirely on her figure as she sat on chan’s lap.

enough about jennifer, what about this harsh deadline in front of you? you were no where close to finished, in fact jennifer’s arrival made it all the worse. for no reason you just felt the need to slap that dumbass bitch in the face. but you had no reason to. 

well, no justifiable reason. 

your feelings for jisung were the only things in sight, like it contaminated your occipital and the only thing that functioned was your beating heart and the jealously practically raging inside. if jennifer dared to look at jisung for one second, you would slit your throat- no. no... too dramatic. if she even touched if swear to motherfucking-

“y/n.. why are your shoulder’s so tense babe” changbin whispered in your ear, his hands wrapped around your neck as he slowly pressed on your pleasure points. changbin knew your body like a map, your midnight conversations about your kinks and expectations practically drawing the road for him. but he never took advantage of this.

you stretched your back when changbin’s hands drifted to your waist, his eyes glued to the screen realizing you hadn’t gotten any work done. “i’m just... not feeling it today changbin” you sighed, taking a sip of water before chan could seat himself on the chair next to you.

oh no, not this again. chan and changbin, they were like your two little horndogs. always wanting to get their hands on you, and you only encouraged it. letting them get a taste before leaving them to fend for themselves.

chan slyly placed a hand on your thigh, massaging it through the denim as he stared at the screen as well. “your not doing so well, huh princess?”

yes, these words did get you dripping wet. yes, you did want to take these two boys to the private rooms upstairs and...and maybe do things you shouldn’t do with your two best friends. wait, two?!

you turned your spinney chair around, ignoring the two men beside you before seeing the sight before you. jisung and jennifer literally making out on the couch, fucking disgusting. 

you got up in your seat, causing jisung to look up and chan to jump. “i’m leaving, i’ll finish it tomorrow” you said, grabbing your bag and exiting the room. the slightest of tears blurring your vision before you could whip them off and call it a night. 

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

after a long night of tossing and turning, you decided to start the morning fresh and brand new. you, and i mean you, were going to confess your feelings to han jisung. there was a little hope for mutual feelings but mutual or not you decided this was the only way to move past him. just rip it off like a bandage, and then you can give chan and changbin a real chance. 

you wore a black crop top with a plaid skirt and jisung’s favorite combat boots and headed out for the door. by the end of the day, you would be smiling in satisfaction whether you liked it or not.

small skips made your trip down the hallway to your studio cheerful before jisung could step in your tracks, making you stop abruptly in front of him

“hey, y/n! are you good? i saw the way you looked last night before you left”

“yeah, i’m doing alright.. thanks jisung!” you exclaimed before continuing your way to the studio. wait shit, maybe you should tell him now?? later??

you turned on your heels to see jisung facing you as well. “wait!” you both said in unison. laughing at the coincidence you two quickly met again

“you go first” jisung said eagerly before you could stop him, “no..no you go first!!” you replied with a smile on your face. you were sure what you had to say was going to end the conversation. 

“i...ummm” jisung started. 

“mhmm” you hummed, waiting for him to get over what he had to say as butterflies flipped your stomach

“i... i think i’m falling for jennifer. i’m gonna confess to her tonight”

you almost choked on your breath before you could pull a quick cover, “i’m sorry.. what?”

“i really like her y/n, only you and me know about this”

“well.. good for you jisung!” you said, giving him a pat on the back before looking back at your studio door. “well i have to get working now, good luck with jennifer” you winked before running back. 

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

seven hours later, you found yourself writing a track about how you should “never follow your heart” and “it leads to heartbreak, dont trust yourself folks”. completely different from stray kids message. as one of their producers you knew this was a failed production, pulling down your pair of headphones and throwing them to the ground

what was up with you? you told yourself by the end of the day you were going to feel brand new. at the moment you felt raged over past lovers. it was devastating, to see jisung find a girl like that but it was the only truth.

finishing off the song on a terrible note you grabbed your bag, slinging it over your shoulder as you walked past the hall in the full moon’s midnight.

the building was dead silent, only for the slightest of sounds to be heard. your instinct asked you to follow it, the sounds leading to the spare room. you stood by the doorway, taking a peek inside to see jisung and jennifer.

“shit” you cursed, quickly turning away and blinking quickly a few times. this wasn’t real right?? they weren’t seriously fucking in your company building right?

you took another peek inside to find yourself taken back. jisung found on the edge of the table, his hips thrusting into jennifer’s at rapid pace and it only got you thinking, ‘what if that were me?’

shit, bad move y/n. it was one thing to imagine it, but after you said it to yourself it became real. what if that were you? you felt the all too familiar wetness build up near your core as the need to fulfill it came by.

screw it, if they thought they could make out in the company building, what’s wrong with pleasuring yourself? your felt your hand unconsciously pull your jeans down, your fingers brushing over your folds as you teased yourself before dipping them in. you knew it wasn’t jisung but the thought of him kept you doing as your fingers came in and out.

adding a third finger in, you felt yourself come your orgasm, the juices falling over your fingers. taking a second to regain your posture you grabbed a few tissues from your bag to clean up.

after you pulled up your jeans you took a second to look back before walking away, leaving all your feelings at the door.

“y/n!” you heard a voice call from behind you.

you were hoping to not be disturbed as you tried to runaway, but you quickly found yourself running into chan’s arms.

“y/n...” chan whispered, his arms inviting you in for a hug. “what’s wrong?” he asked, his fingers running through your hair.

“nothing’s wrong chan” you replied with a shaky voice.

chan grabbed your cheeks in his hand, giving it a little squeeze before responding.

“don’t lie y/n, im not a stranger you know”

you chuckled at how well he knew you before giving him a tight hug.

“ill explain later, now can we grab some food or something? im starving”

“of course, my treat” chan said before dragging you to the elevators nearby

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

the next day you had to work with jisung to finish the song you had been procrastinating on ironically because of him. a few hours were dedicated to purely finishing the track before you two could plop down on the couch, sharing a burger and fries like you two always did.

“hold on.. wait jisung you have a little something” you said, grabbing a napkin to wipe the ketchup off his face

jisung watched as your leaned closer, slowing leaning himself back

“jisung, quit it!!” you giggled as jisungs expressioned turned into a smile.

you reached out to wipe the sauce off because you could lose your balance, falling on jisungs chest.

jisung panted in relief, his chest rising and falling below your cheek. “y/n...” he whispered, his hands finding themselves wrapped around your waist.

he missed times like this, and so did you. the sudden comfort you two brought each together was indescribable and that’s why you two worked so well with music. you were each other’s muse, each other’s inspiration.

you got up from his chest, smiling as his smirk turned into a frown. your cheeks flustered red as he placed a kiss on your forehead.

“i missed you, you seemed off these past few days but i want you to know im here- okay?”

“okay...” you whispered in a soft voice, “im gonna go to the bathroom” you continued, trying to break the awkward vibe in the room.

“no problem” jisung said, grabbing the bag of french fries as he watched you leave the room.

you walked out the door, your heart beating out of your chest. not being able to handle it, you had to get yourself out of there. seconds could’ve slipped by and you would’ve kissed him. you really wanted to kiss him.

checking the clock, you realized time passed by much quicker with jisung and it was already late in the night. the quiet halls of the building gave it away, except this time you knew you weren’t alone with jisung.

funny thing was, you heard those voices one again. was this like... some sort of ghost trying to remind you of what happened last night? the sounds felt all too real, all too heated as you followed them to the same room from last night...

and you saw what you never thought you’d have to witness.

it was jennifer and chan.

your jaw dropped at the night, chan biting his lip and jennifer’s naked figure ahead of him. but this time you didn’t feel the same.

cut chan some slack, you remembered jisung mentioning you were the only two who knew about the relationship. but jennifer, god you knew there was just something about her. you should’ve followed your first impressions.

you made your way to the door, taking a second to catch your breath before contemplating about what you were about to do. should you tell him what you just saw?

without a response, you unconsciously opened the door. jisung was playing on his phone before you could interrupt him.

“jisung! jisung look im..” you said in a ‘hate to break it to you’ tone

“what’s up?” jisung said, putting his phone away to listen to you

“look... i was walking past the hallway and in one of the rooms i saw chan.. and jennifer”

“chan and jennifer?” he said, unsure of what you were trying to point out

“and jennifer was naked” you put emphasis on the last word to see if it’ll help jisung connect the dots but nothing seemed to happen

“y/n...” he chuckled, “look i know what you’re thinking. jennifer is some soft or slut or whorebag and she’s stealing all my attention for you but that’s why im here today!! you didnt have to make up a lie or something” he explained, getting up from his seat

“no..no wait! im serious!!” you responded anxiously, stopping jisung from leaving before he could grab your wrists and give it a small squeeze

“y/n, stop being such a spoiled brat. i know we’re best friends but i can’t always be there.”

“spoiled brat?” you repeated jisungs words. as shocked as you were to see him call you that, you were even more surprised that he had chosen to believe his girlfriend over the girl friend he had for 14 year.

“fuck you, jisung. leave. just go” you said, pointing at the door before watching him shrug his shoulders and leave.

sobbing into the napkins from your mcdonalds order,youre trying to be as quiet as possible now that you’re aware of how the walls fail to be soundproof.

your thinking about apologizing, just going back into jisungs arms when you feel the comfort of two buff arms above you.

“y/n, you good?!” changbin asks in a worried tone, bring your head to his chest.

“i really need someone to hug right now” you said, your voice shaky as you broke into tears again.

“im all arms” changbin said. you grabbed his biceps, pulling him into a hug before finding comfort in his warm upper body

“literally” you giggled, giving his arms a little squeeze

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

the next day, you found yourself stuck with jisung again. he seemed quite sympathetic however, not apologizing for last night but still treating you with a kinder tone.

chan and jisung seemed closer, and it gave you chills. your mind wondered around, what if chan knew jennifer was jisung’s girlfriend?

you shook your head, no.. no that can’t be.

diverting your attention to the boys, you walked out on them again. they watched you leave the room in silence before you could, once again, hear that all too familiar sound.

taking a few steps towards the room, you placed your ear next to the door.

soon your senses forced you to look inside, seeing jennifer seating herself on changbin’s leg.

jisung... god jennifer needs to just fuck off. before you knew it jisung was staggering out of your studio, running towards the door you were listening into.

“jisung...”

“y/n.. what are you looking at?” jisung said, taking a peek inside before gasping

“you were right, she was cheating on us” chan said, not hesistating to take a step forward and open the door.

in a split second, jennifer turned her head, startled for your arrival. “guys!” she exclaimed, before changbin could softly push her off her leg.

“guys... what do you mean guys? fuck off jennifer” jisung said, making you smile at the words you had wanted to say to her so badly

“look changbin...jisung.. chan i can explain” she started before being interrupted by chan

“there’s no explaining, just leave before we embarrass you even more”

chan’s words made jennifer’s cheeks red before she could run out of the room.

you gasped at the way she left, looking towards the boys who were now standing side by side in front of you.

“wait, you guys knew?!” you asked, looking at jisung

“yes y/n.. im so sorry i didn’t listen to you”

you shook your head in disbelief, “well how did you find out?”

this question left changbin and chan laughing before chan could grab jisung’s steady shoulder

“y-you won’t believe it y/n, she said jisung’s name while making out with me! you think this beauty could even compare to that?!” chan asked sarcastically

“ i hope you’ll forgive me.. i didn’t mean to get mad at you. i only found out last night” jisung said, his hands tight in his pockets as he waiting for you to reply

you looked down at the ground trying to put the pieces together before responding “it’s alright jisung, i won’t let some girl get in between the three of us”you smiled.

looking at the three boys in silence was something of a rare occasion. your legs squeeze together as you remember how well they worked around jennifer... just thinking.. hoping

“fuck, y/n” changbin said, biting him lip. “if you could be any more obvious”

jisung snickered at changbin’s comment, “who is y/n looking at with her pussy so wet like that? i really can’t tell”

you inhaled sharply at chan’s words.

“now tell us y/n... who do you like out of the three of us?” chan asked, his arms crossed as he looked down on you

“uh…i don’t know. i used to like jisung but now i like all three of you?” you replied with a stutter.

in the three years of being with 3racha you never knew it’d end up like this. the sexual tension in the room made your heart beat fast and their presense intimidated you like no other.

“pfft, you hear that hyung? she likes all three of us” jisung said with a smirk, taking you by surprise that your own friend could call you out.

this excitement only reached its peak when changbin stepped forward, placing a finger beneath your chin so your eyes can meet his

“that’s right… y/n is our little slut” he smirked. you let out a whine at his tone before chan’s arms could wrap around your waist from behind, “and what should we do with our little slut?” he asked, making your body fall into his touch like putty

jisung let out a chuckle before he could join the three of you, his hand slithering underneath your dress.

“hyungs, we fuck her senseless until she can decide who she likes

chan was quick to grab your hips, grinding your ass over his hard member as jisung slowly tugged down your pretty skirt

“babygirl, who are you so wet for?” changbin whispered in your ear before his hands could rip open your shirt, quickly reaching for your bra.

with chan’s assistance your bra was taken off, jisung’s fingers giving you no mercy and thrusting his fingers in and out of your core.

the three boys set you on fire, your back arching for more of each boy. changbin’s lips met your erected nipple and he sucked on it harshly. chan’s pants coming off as you continued to grind on his member. jisungs fingers working wonders on your clit.

it felt like an endless cycle of pleasures, receiving and giving with no stops. you were so close to your high, your ass moving on chan so jisung’s fingers could meet your sweet spot.

hands were all over your body, each exposed piece of skin warm as the boys spoiled you with love.

“fuck.. fuck y/n are you close?” jisung said, groaning at the sight of you tightening around his fingers.

“g-god yes!” you squealed as you cummed all over jisung’s fingers.

chan smirked, making eye contact with changbin as they held onto your shaking legs.

“you think you can help us out now babygirl?” chan asked, placing a few kisses on your neck to help you calm down from your high.

you nodded submissively before you could lie down on the ground. not knowing how this was going to work, you lied on your back hoping the three would figure it out and oh boy did they figure it out.

changbin held his member to near your lips. “open up, princess” he commanded, you politely obeying and letting his slip his cock into your mouth.

he started off with slow movements, your tongue playing around as he stroked your cheeks. “you’re doing so well” he praised, smiling as tears came across your eyes while he sped up.

the pain soon turned into pleasure, your hips squirming before chan could hold them tight.

“you ready babygirl?” chan asked, placing a few kisses on your abdomen. you nodded, bobbing your head up and down on changbin’s member as you did so causing him to moan.

at the sudden movement, chan entered his member into your dripping core. one hand held onto your hip, nailing digging into your skin whil the other grabbed changbin’s shoulder to pace himself.

both boys groaned as their high was approaching, jisung pumping himself as he watched the masterpiece before himself. it seemed almost like a porn clip, something people would throw their money at if broadcasted.

three beautiful boys and you, the two of them reaching their high. chan’s thrusts slowed down as his nails digged deeper into your skin.

“im close y/n” chan said before he could cum inside you.

a line full of curses followed as your tongue swirled around changbin’s cock, causing him to cum inside your mouth as well.

to make sure you were okay, changbin got off you and watched as your heavy panting could take over. you licked your lips dry before collapsing onto the ground, “fuck, that was so hot” you chuckled to yourself.

“that was..” chan agree before the three boys could sit side by side next to you.

jisung came closer to your lips, pressing a small kiss before pushing away the stranded pieces of hair that stuck to your forehead with sweat

“you did amazing love” jisung whispered with a smile

changbin joined in as well, his hand rubbing your inner thigh as he kissed a few spots near your core making you whine from the pain

“don’t worry baby, you did so well”

you smiled as the three boys looked at you with such satisfaction before chan could grab your hand

“but i guess the original question was... who do you like out of the three of us?”

you took a deep breath as they looked at you with anticipation, waiting for an answer. you took a second to look at chan, jisung, and changbin before licking your lips.

“i like....”

a/n: you choose reader ! :D

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[bigskydreaming]

remember when devin grayson wrote about green arrow flirting with teenager dick grayson and then bruce and dick have an incestuous relationship............................

Listen, I have no idea what this ask says, I just see a string of random letters followed by dot dot dot. 

In completely unrelated matters, the only dynamic between Dick and Ollie I abide by is one where the nicest thing Dick’s ever said to Ollie is something like “hey why does your face look like you killed a squirrel and glued it to your chin, is that what you were going for or do people just not like you and so nobody ever told you til now that that’s what it looks like.”

And even there, that’s still just the best Dick could manage (or was willing to even aim for) after Bruce gave Dick a totally and one hundred percent genuine and sincere Talking To about how he needed to be more polite to Ollie. Cuz the way I envision it, all that’s after Dick initially opened with something like, idk, “hey wanna hear a funny joke, it goes “what do you call a known Errol Flynn fanboy who thinks putting on a domino mask when he fights crime with a bow and arrow like, magically makes his goatee invisible? A dumbass who doesn’t get how secret identities work, that’s what. Get it, its you, you’re the joke.”

LOL for the record, I don’t actually hate Ollie and have no really strong opinions on him one way or another, it usually just depends on how he’s being written in whatever story or issue I’m reading with him. Its just canon that Ollie is like, one of the few people that Dick just openly can not stand, pretty much, with this stretching back far enough that personally, I like to headcanon it goes all the way back to even before Ollie took Roy in and has absolutely nothing to do with Roy whatsoever.

Idk, its just really fucking funny to me to picture that like, for whatever reason, ten year old Dick Grayson decided upon meeting the Justice League that they were all awesome except for Oliver Queen. Dick doesn’t know why, he doesn’t care why, he just knows that like, “I do not care for that Oliver Queen guy, not one bit, and no, I am not open to constructive criticism on this matter, UGH BRUCE STOP TELLING ME I SHOULD AT LEAST TRY AND BE NICER TO HIM, I SAID HE WAS A BUTTFACE AND I MEANT IT, WHERE’S THE CONFUSION.”

Because see, while Ollie is not Actually The Worst, he IS one of the League heroes who is prideful and petty enough to like, absolutely take offense to someone hating his guts for no discernible reason, while considering this more than reason enough to hate their guts right back. Even if that particular someone happens to have both miles and years left to go before they hit either puberty or the top side of five feet tall, and thus in the meanwhile, Ollie must literally lower himself in every sense of the word in order to return fire at his pint-sized and prepubescent critic.

Like, if Dick for whatever reason decided he just doesn’t like Superman or the Flash and he’s not gonna and you can’t make him, then I mean, Clark or Barry or someone else along those lines would just be like, oh, okay, that’s fair I guess. No, its totally fine Bruce, the adorable little human incarnation of glitter, cotton candy and all things Cute and Precious and Wee that you just took in is allowed to hate me if he wants to, its absolutely *wheezing sob* not a big deal. I’m a big boy, I don’t need you to intercede on my behalf with him. Now if anyone needs me, I’ll be wallowing in my room for the next 84 years, trying to figure out if I was some kind of monstrous puppy-kicker in a previous lifetime and that’s why my fate here in this one is to be despised by a ten year old with the superpower of Absolute Preciousness. Its my punishment, clearly, for being just the worst kind of monster to ever exist, the only kind that could actually be hated by someone like your adorable little Fun-Sized sidekick of joy and sunshine and l-l-laughter......no, don’t look at me, I’m hideous! *bursts into tears and scurries away to hide from the light*

But see now, Ollie, on the other hand, like.....he’s not a monster but he’s not about to let even some paragon of preciousness go around painting him as one. Why the fuck does he spend so much money on publicists if he’s just gonna roll over belly-side up the first time one of the people bad-mouthing him just happens to be like, a toddler instead of the usual TMZ?

So Ollie’s not about to admit that he’s actually miffed and even a little bit wounded that this cherub who seems to like even most supervillains more than he likes Ollie, just like, can not seem to be in his presence longer than sixty seconds before drawing his weapons and stabbing Ollie with words that hurt, dammit, because he has feelings too, y’know, he spent a lot of money on pricey therapists figuring out that yes, those are feelings he’s feeling and he can even name some of them.....

Like, he’s not quite on board with actually ACKNOWLEDGING that hey this stings, and that he really just wants to know what the hell this kid’s deal is and why don’t you like me, tiny human, what did I ever even do to you??? But all of that is like......Advanced Level Therapy stuff that he hasn’t quite gotten around to finishing yet at this point in time. Like yeah he’s already dropped a mint on the A-list of the head-shrinking world by now, but apparently he was supposed to keep coming back or something like that, they all keep making a really big deal about that for some reason, and look, he’s been busy. So he really just hasn’t had the time to finish up the course on How To Make Peace With the Fact That Sometimes Tiny Humans Don’t Like Me Even Though I’m A Fucking Delight, Dammit.

But even if the why of this kid getting under his skin so much eludes him for the nonce, Ollie is perfectly clear on one thing: he doesn’t typically go around making enemies of the twelve and under set, but if you prick him, he doth in fact bleed, you little prick. So if this knee-high nightmare is gonna keep coming at me and trying to start shit, then I am more than willing to throw down, is basically Ollie’s take here. 

“He wants to dance? Then c’mon, let’s do this thing. We can dance if he wants to. I’ve got the time,” Ollie says to himself and any other nearby Justice Leaguer who might be looking at him with that swiftly-becoming-familiar expression of mingled judgment, pity, exasperation and something a bit more ambiguous but which probably lands somewhere in the ballpark of “We honestly don’t know what to make of all of this but we’re all a little concerned This Is Not A Good Look, Bro. And also, we would like to formally request by way of this petition with all 200+ signatures of Leaguers and auxiliary members and support staff: please don’t escalate this into something where Batman might actually kill you, because that’s definitely not gonna make any of this less awkward for the rest of us, and uh....not to be indelicate here, but all those times we’ve all said things like no Ollie, we don’t think Bruce is a better fighter than you and we absolutely agree with you, you could totally maybe take him in a fair fight if you had your bow and arrows on you and he had the flu probably.....like. Umm. How to put this....Okay, soooooo....here’s the thing. There may, perhaps, ever so slightly be a possibility slash definite hardcore certainty that there were fib-like qualities to those conversations. A little bit. Oh hey, look at the time, we gotta run, there’s a fire somewhere, hopefully. Lol wait whoops did we say hopefully, that’s so weird like where did that even come from. We definitely meant to say probably. There’s a fire somewhere, probably."

But look, at the end of the day, the thing is, Headcanon Ollie is not like, proud of any of this, but he’s not unproud of it either. He is hashtag justified and he wouold appreciate some validation of that Ugly Truth, even if it might go against the grain and not ever exactly be a POPULAR opinion with the “please don’t tell the ten year old that nuh uh, his face looks like a hairy butthole, nobody wins there, that is not the victory you are looking for” crowd.

Honestly though, at this point Ollie’s list of Big Asks is quite small. Miniscule, even. All he wants, all he really really wants, is for someone, anyone, to join him in grasping the one essential corn kernel at the heart of this whole clusterfuck. The thing that nobody but Ollie seems to get and that Ollie’s pretty sure would be enough to allow him to die happily, if he could just manage to find one other person to sign on to the one single extremely obvious observation he keeps trying to point out to everyone, with a whole lot of nada to show for it:

Because see, the one thing about all of this that drives Ollie just absolutely up a wall, is that for some reason he can’t seem to get anyone to understand that like.....this whoooooole ridiculous mess, just like, even in terms of its very existence in the first place?

None of it is Ollie’s fault.

Dick started it!

Mere moments after frustratedly trying to convey this to Dinah for the umpteenth million bajillionth time:

“Okay, could you at least say something?” Ollie asked exasperatedly. “Anything? Seriously, I would take you counting to ten in Cantonese as an acceptable response at this point.”

“I’m just trying to decide which concerns me more,” Dinah said at last. Several epochs and the equivalent of the entire Jurassic Period later. But whatever, its not like Ollie was holding his breath at this point or anything. “The fact that you are genuinely trying to find and occupy the moral high ground in your feud with....a ten year old. Or that you actually think you’ve found it. That this is it, this is what that looks like. ‘The ten year old started it.’”

That was apparently all Dinah had to say. She fell silent again, and said silence lingered through a recreation of now the entire Cretaceous Period, before continuing into a revival of the whole Paleozoic Era from start to torturous finish.

“Well?” Ollie said with a patience that belied the urgency of the many pressing matters he had to attend to. Like the vanquishing of a ten year old archnemesis most foul.

Dinah just continued to frown pensively.

“Hang on, I’m still deciding.”