#I will probably vent some more in a bigger post then too. like I did in this tags lol. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

finned-fish · 7 months

Text

Vent Post

⚠️CONTENT WARNING⚠️

Trauma, S/A, depression, auDHD & OCD, and S/H

•

Please keep in mind that I've only vented about my various experiences people who gave me explicit permission to do so. I wasn't just constantly dumping my baggage on people.

That overwhelming feeling of anxiety, embarrassment, and shame when you finally become comfortable enough to openly and honestly communicate your appreciation with someone is not fun at all.

My appreciation for people has always been "annoying/too much/very 'in your face'/obnoxious" from the moment I was able to communicate. There was not a single time in my childhood in which I wasn't scolded for showing emotions in general. I was dismissed, and as a result I was never taken seriously and still fail to be. I have permanent debilitating injuries simply because I assumed to be dramatic. And I wasn't a quiet kid. I spoke up, I was loud and angry and demanding because I *needed* care. I was a child.

And as such, I was the talkative one. I overheard my friend giving advice to someone on how to treat me. Their advice? "just smile and nod". Not joking. My parents gave the same advice to the family friends except right in front of me so.

Since I just couldn't shut up, I was **severely** physically abused by my brother. I'd ask him why and he would say "it's the only way to make you shut up." I have such a bad reaction to "shut up" cus of that. And I told my mom about it. Over and over. Even though she didn't outright say it, I knew she didn't believe me. Cus her response every time was to stop getting into fights with him.

And eventually he just didn't hide it. He would literally do it in front of my parents. And they just told me to stop attacking him. Cus I'm always the troublemaker. The abuse was severe. He was much much bigger than me. He'd choke me until I started to faint and then he'd stop so I didn't actually. He'd punch me as hard as possible in the stomach so I couldn't breathe. And since he was so much bigger than me, he'd literally body slam me. Pick me up, and slam be down back-first on the ground. I remember he did that in front of my parents on hard tile and they yelled at me because I "tried to punch him first." I don't remember if I did or not. I probably did cus any time I was sad or angry or hurt, he'd just stand there and laugh at me. Every time. And so I was angry and he was just laughing at me.

I mention that when I see psychologists or a therapist wants some history about me. And most of the time my mom was present. I knew she never truly believed me about anything. Not even when I was 15 and told her about being groomed. (I told her nothing else other than the first time). I still know that she'll never truly believe me either. No matter what.

I didn't, however, expect her to tell me to my face that she just never truly believed me. She told me this because my brother had started sobbing and told her about what he did to me because he has always held tremendous guilt for his actions (I've long since forgiven him. He's genuinely fantastic and has more than made up for it just by being there for me). So, my mom came to me and started crying. She told me how bad she felt because she hadn't ever really believed me about it until my brother told her.

When I talk about my trauma it gets dismissed by other people too. People with childhood trauma just can't understand what I mean when I say "I had oversupportive parents." They'll ask if I mean overbearing/overprotective, and when I say no they're just confused. From day one, I was never even given the opportunity to fail. My mother made sure to essentially do everything for me so that I couldn't fail if I tried. On top of that, I was gifted and talented (shocker -_-). That is what traumatized me. Because whenever something was wrong with me, it was dismissed. I was being overdramatic, and loud like I always am. Even my emotional needs were treated like this. Any time I was overstimulated or upset and having a meltdown (autism meltdown and/or ADHD meltdown, take your pick) **CONSISTENTLY** told that if I wanna have a meltdown, I need to do it in my room because nobody wants to see that.

I have been alienated in every aspect of my life. I am alienated from those with truama, the queer community, victims of SA, those with depression, those with auDHD, those with OCD, and those who've suffered from an ED. Simply because my experiences differ from the norm. For communities that are supposed to be so inclusive, tolerant, and open-minded, I always seem to find the majority of people distancing themselves from things they don't understand or personally relate to. Dismissing them. Alienating them.

I am transgender (male to female). I transitioned young because my parents were supportive from day one. I have LITERALLY had trans people tell me that my experience isn't the real trans experience because I didn't suffer the entire way through. I never went through male puberty because my parents spoke to me about testosterone blockers. They educated me and wanted me to decide for myself. They let me, a young child, make a decision. And that was the first time. People can't seem to understand that even though my parents are amazing and I'm so lucky to have them, they still traumatized me and simply treated me horribly for my entire childhood. It was unintentional, but that doesn't change that it happened. A hard thing for people to accept is that, while a child might not experience childhood trauma, there will **always** and unequivocally be some form of collateral. And that's why I don't blame my parents.

Additionally, I started HRT earlier than most trans youth individuals do. Typically, the very strict guideline is that HRT is to be started no earlier than 16. At the Genesis Program (a program for trans youth founded by the wonderful Ximena Lopez, whom was my endocrinologist before and after the program was shut down in Texas. It was still active in other states last I checked, but idk if that's the case anymore.) The three requirements a child needs before being allowed access to HRT are insistence, persistence, and consistence. The child must insist that they want HRT, and need to be persistent about it. They need to be consistent in these efforts as well, sustaining them for a long period of time. A psychologist (I forgot their name I feel so bad. Dr. Cooper??) Would check up every now and then, too, since not all kids are super communicative.

Since I transitioned so young, I had met these requirements, and therefore was allowed HRT when I was 13 after I basically said I wouldn't leave without confirmation I could get on it.

Anyways, I started estrogen pills on August 22nd of that year (can't do math -_-), and now I pass as a cis woman. I have had *MULTIPLE* transgender individuals say I'm lying about being transgender because I look like a cis woman. In other words, they don't think I look trans enough to be trans. What the fuck??? What happened to physical appearance being separate from gender identity? I would ask these people "What do you want? You want me to pull down my pants and prove it? Tf is wrong with you?" I've had 2 transgender individuals say yes out of somewhere around 15-ish that I can remember? It's insanely alienating.

And then my trauma around SA. I was groomed online (tysm Amino) when I was 11. I had started cutting at that point, since the pedo (I can't remember his name due to the memory loss. Of course, I conveniently remember everything I did. His name started with an M so I'll call him that from now on) used self harm to control and manipulate me. On the rare occasions I've opened up to people about this, I've told them about how he pretended to be a trans woman. The majority of the time, people's takeaway from that isn't "oh that's horrible", it's "oh why would you misgender her? That's horrible!" I don't think you should ever misgender people. Idc if you hate their guts; you respect gender identity. Gender identity is one of the very few respects that everyone is innately entitled to. But M was **faking** and it was so obvious.

And when I tell people about how I knew from day one that M was "grooming" me, I've never had anyone outright tell me it's my fault. But their obvious shift from empathy to hesitant sympathy is almost worse. It was the only validation I experienced, and remains one of my very few instances of validation to this day. So, at the time, it was worth it. But the depression didn't go away when I cut him off.

Furthermore, I continued to seek out sexual encounters online, and by 14, in person too. Additionally, I was sex-repulsed which people don't understand either. They say I'm wrong and that I was hypersexual. But I wasn't. After every 'time', I'd throw up and have a panic attack. But I needed the validation even though I hated it so much. When I finally figured out how to explain that, I was sometimes told I was lying. I was dismissed, yet again.

I was in a "relationship" with a woman when I was sixteen. She was also a victim of SA, and was hypersexual as a result. It was so triggering but I actually cared about her and genuinely felt bad about saying no. So I didn't. I relapsed and self-harmed pretty badly. I carved the word "whore" into myself. I still didn't wanna tell her about it, so I lied. Said I just had a really bad trauma flashback and needed time to work through my sex repulsion. And then I relapsed again and had sex that I didn't even want. I couldn't stop vomiting that night. I didn't sleep at all, and the next day I forgot to take my meds (antidepressants, antipsychotics, dextroamphetamine, and guanfacine are specifically important here since they are the only ones that help me manage my mental health/disorders.) I was in a horrible place, sleep deprived, and off my meds. As such, I was stupid and accidentally **told her**. Keep in mind that I don't consider the above reasons to be any form of a justification for my actions. They are only the reasons behind my actions, and they are valid, but they justify nothing. The two are not mutually exclusive.

I've had people tell me that I'm lying about my depression, too. This is because I'll talk about a time when I was in the ER and needed to get my blood drawn. I had fresh cut wounds in my wrists, though. And obviously there's no way around it so I get caught. They put me in the pediatric unit and have people come in to do examinations. I don't remember why I wasn't admitted to InPatient, but maybe they were at capacity? Idk. Anyways, people unsurprisingly told me I was lying too because I wasn't admitted to InPatient. I know, so surprising.

My experience with mental health, disorders, and syndromes isn't understood either. I am diagnosed with ADHD (combination type), Autism Spectrum Syndrome (I specifically spell out the full name since Autism is currently incorrectly classified as a disorder. Autism has a wide variety of symptoms that differ from person to person, and is therefore a syndrome, which is classified and a collection of symptoms. A disorder, on the other hand, is classified as a disruption to regular function. To water it down, syndromes tend to be more flexible in terms of diagnosis than disorders are. Also Autism Spectrum Syndrome would be abbreviated as A.S.S. which is hilarious to me. When you feel the need to apologize for something autism related, you can just go "Sorry, I have really bad ass" lmaooo), OCD, chronic Major Depressive Disorder, and chronic Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Yet again, I've been told I'm lying since "nobody has all of those" and I'm "just looking for attention".

Not only am I dismissed about things I'm literally diagnosed with, but I was dismissed by my mother when I was trying to **get** another psych-eval cus I felt like I maybe had autism. She incorrectly told me that most people only get one psych eval and that insurance wouldn't cover another one because I already had three. (First one in first grade, second one in sixth, and third in 8th.) I knew it was a lie but obviously there's nothing I can do about it.

Finally, my mom scheduled a psych-eval (In January of this year, actually). But not because I had asked her, no. Only because there was a therapeutic program that she showed me that I wanted to try out but it required an autism diagnosis.

And then I got diagnosed with both autism and OCD (and ADHD but I was already diagnosed with that.)

I was so bitter. So fucking bitter because back when I was asking for the psych-eval (9th grade) my mother and I were severely codependent, and so I'd send her videos I found on TikTok that I related with to try to help her understand me better. And they were often times about autism/common autistic experiences.

Anyways, she picks me up from school and I ask her if she saw the video I had sent to her that day because I ***REALLY*** related to it and thought it would be helpful. She proceeded to scream (like SCREAM!!! The type of screaming that makes your voice hoarse for days) at me for the entire 30 minutes home about how I "wanted autism" and that I "just don't have it so shut up about it already"

That was so traumatizing for me.

Anyways I'm losing motivation for this cus I just feel bad.

All in all, I am genuinely so terrified that I've bothered my friend or made him uncomfortable because I showed him affection. Everything above is some of the reasons why. I hate it. I hate this feeling. I can't emphasize enough how bad the fear and shame is. Shame, because I truly believe I am an annoyance at my core. I have been shaking and crying for hours and hours because I'm so scared and angry and ashamed and sad. Its so rare for me to be authentic with my emotions instead of just creating a brand new personality for every person I meet so they don't hate me. It's so rare for me to show affection. And now that I have, I can't stop crying and having constant panic attacks and absence seizures. I started hitting my head really hard (feels like a response to being overwhelmed, not self-harm). I hate it. I don't like it.

#vent post #tw vent #vent #tw s/a #s/a mention #s/a #depression #autism #audhd #adhd #ocd #tw s/h #s/h tw #tw s/h mention #s/h

6 notes · View notes

cheeze-and-sprinklez · 2 years

Text

In response to this post I've made before:

I'll probably share some prompts once in a while depicting the moments where that very OC of mine interacting with the Moon Boys OR with other characters OR another OCs too. Their moments in the AU I thought of have been playing at the back of my head and I felt like venting some of it out.

Sorry if there's no actual context about the OC, though I'll have you (the ones who might read this) know that he is an artificial being made of a data who slowly became sentient thanks to the after-effects of the Mind Stone flowing inside Vision's body.

Before JARVIS got uploaded into the vibranium body created by Ultron in the 2nd Avengers movie and became The Vision, JARVIS had a backup data where it extracted from its programming to assist it on milder or minor tasks (eg. internal chores navigation throughout the Tower etc. This however did not NOTICED by Tony or Bruce.

(IF IT'S ILLOGICAL THEN PARDON ME BECAUSE THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FICTIONAL AS IT CAN BE 😂)

JARVIS, now is The Vision, and after MANY OTHER contextual events prior- Gave the said data his name so it could have a sense of belong- sense of being... Alive. So now the OC is practically called as Jarvis (with no ALL CAPSLOCK).

Also ADMITTEDLY treated by Vision like a younger brother he never thought he would have. Oh Wanda is very skeptical about Jarvis at first, now she's an overprotective sister-in-law to him too because Billy and Tommy loved having their Uncle Jay around. (There's a build up event to this too- Might elaborate if there's someone interested at knowing more about this AU 🙈).

TL;DR

Now Jarvis inhabits a body created by another existing Marvel character who is a rather frightening guy from Agents of Shield. Clue: The big bad during the Framework Arc where HYDRA reigns.

(This too, have other contextual build up where I might share if anybody's interested at knowing more.)

This is solely a tribute to my older days of getting into roleplaying way back during 2014. Sometimes, I miss those RP days so much and writing whatever crosses my mind on my phone's note phone could give myself a sense of relief :')

There will be some OCs of my old RP buddy I'm gonna throw in as a tribute too. Thinking how their interactions are gonna be nothing more but domestic and warm.

Wish I could relive those days again but I'm such a wuss when it comes to interacting with people. Totally on me to blame :')

AND ON TO THE ACTUAL PROMPT NOW- WHAT A LONG RANT!!!

🔷 MAIN FIC TITLE - Built This Way (And Maybe More?)

🔶 PART 1/CHAPTER 1 - Being Hooman Is Sufferin.

🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

[11.30 AM - At a Convention Center somewhere in New York.]

Make it the 6th time where he got himself mistaken as an intern sent by a distinguished vehicle company. The lanyard with some details written regarding the event he attended have a questionable way of laying out the wearer's name. It's written using a bland font not bigger than the size for a newspaper header!

'Jarvis' is written on it. Nothing else came after that particular word. His name. He tucked the lanyard in between his suit, rubbing his eyes from the sleepiness that had been clinging since he had taken his first step in the hall.

Sometimes, he wondered if Anthony Stark, the Iron Man, took great effort in his parenting because...

He glanced at the convention's entrance where locals or people across the world entered the hall, into an event for car ethusiasts. SUPER CAR ethusiasts to be exact.

Ting...

Came a chime from his pocket, a new message;

< Morgan said no, Pepper said no but I said yes. How's the event going? Did you find anything similar like the drawing tacked at the pin-board in her room? >

Jarvis sent him a reply;

< Fortunately, there's one AKIN to it but it didn't come with a unicorn horn sports rim. >

Ting, another incoming message;

< Oh damn... Yep, you guys are right. We'll wait until she's older ✌ >

He exited the chatroom thread. With his phone on one hand, he tugged he strap of his sling bag and repositioned it onto his shoulder. Time to go.

He decided to take a hailing service rather than driving from his apartment to the city. He's not that patient when it comes to traffic honestly and aside from this event, there's another more being held at the other area of the Convention center.

The road is jam packed.

But walking between the blocks and avoiding clogged roads with cars under this summer heat is starting to get to him. To think he is getting this feeble thanks to that...

Curse from the the hidden tomb back at the underwater sea cavern during a covert quest at an estranged island in Egypt. Another special task ordered by his 'observers' who could revoke his 'rights to live' anytime they wanted if he failed to commit to his duty as an artificial being capable of 'multiple feats'.

Yes, he is slowly succumbing to being a human... Flesh and blood, skins and bones...

Though nobody should knew about that... Not the Starks... Not The Visions... Not his colleagues from SHIELD (the observers) and not even the Aria family whom he's feeling far closer compared to the others.

Then again, he wasn't built or programmed to execute any form of extreme measures so feeling feeble while the curse is spreading throughout his body could reflect just as much. What special feats? Even he was left in the dark by the original creator!

It's fair since watching him struggling to live like a human being has been part of his 'active experimentation in the field' for the last 5 years afterall. That sadist fuck. Can't believe he has a relative bearing the same look like he was from Phil Coulson's team.

Except that he is the worse kind of him and he's waiting to claim HIS head when the time is due. The body... Is his property afterall and he is just a stray data who foolishly bite the bait setup by him to permanently host his invention.

Jarvis didn't realize he had walked quiet far from the main convention's building while lamenting the same thought over and over in his head. It's not that jam packed here and there's a bus stop he could take a shade while searching for a ride home in the hailing app.

He's starting to regret this. There's no way in hell anybody would drive here when the roads are stuffed with people heading to the events held at the convention center. Be it commuting via public transport or yourself, there's no difference.

Jarvis tapped on the 'search for a ride' button for the 7th time. The app's indicator kept circling in motion, tracing whoever would accept a ride request from this lonely guy at the bustop fighting against the afternoon's heat.

At a less crowded courtyard of the convention center's area... There is a stunning Mercedes in a shiny granite coating with a none-seeing through tinted windows. The person at the driver seat simply watched the app on his phone ringing over an incoming ride request not to far from where he parked.

He propped one hand on the arm rest of the driver seat, resting his head slightly on his gloved knuckle. A mischievous grin escaped his lips when his app ringing for the 8th time now. He tapped on the screen, accepting the ride at last.

After he locked his phone and the screen dimmed to black, a reflection is caught looking back at 'him' with the most "Are you kidding me?!" expression ever.

The driver's gentle Alter caught him red handed. For making the young man wait eventhough he received his ride request for the past 30 minutes!

As the car cruise to the requester's destination, the gentle Alter of his retreated back deep into their headspace. Someone has to know about this.

Marc has to know about this.

Jake is acting on his own, again.

🔵 TO BE CONTINUED 🔵

I gotta stop for a bit because this post is hella lengthy thanks to my earlier rants as well!

I will continue with the 2nd part later on (maybe?)

Because cliffhangers are fun! 👁👄👁

{And you can visit the link below to read on A03 since I will be uploading both places, tumblr and A03}

#moon knight #marvel oc #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley #agents of shield #marvel #moon knight fanfiction #original character

2 notes · View notes

milkywaygg · 5 months

Text

Confidential Affairs Chapter 10

Cosma interpretation belongs to @eripops. Ik there's a lot of chapters in this but I swear things will hit the fan soon lol. Might be posted later tonight or tomorrow. We'll see.

Month 5

Weeks had passed and Euphemia’s lie had gotten unnoticed. Despite her parents constantly trying to set dates with random business partners and having to come up with crazy excuses not to go, Euphemia was at least thankful that they’d start sending her money to help with rent once more. Because of them, they were able to shop around for baby clothes and had the ability to pay for a wedding cake tasting, where Jules basically inhaled all the samples, even from flavors she knew he didn’t like. She also got a kick out of his indecisiveness; battling between chocolate and vanilla before going with two halves with each flavor, alongside buying a pack of red velvet cupcakes for Jules to pig out on.

Meanwhile, Jules had finally reached the point where his baby bump was completely out in the open, his shirts barely able to still cover it. Throughout the days, Euphemia had also noticed Jules’ movement was slower and was now having trouble with simple things such as reaching for a cup from their cabinet, or bending over to pick something up. Occasionally, she even had to bridal carry him up and down the stairs, not that she minded. She smiled lovingly at him as she did so, imagining herself carrying him all the way down the aisle to the limo that said “Just Married” on the back.

Despite loving the fact that he needed more attention, Euphemia couldn’t help but worry as she watched his wobble around, barely able to move like he used to, She thought about his job and how he and his unborn would potentially have to stand on his feet for 8 hours, bending and hurting his back as he crafted beautiful bouquets for people who treat him like absolute garbage and having to stress out about multiple orders from people too lazy to grow their own flowers. Deciding to take a break from her secret job searching, Euphemia turned off her computer and left the room, taking a seat on the couch to watch TV as she waited for Jules to get home from work.

“Oh? Euphemia! I’m surprised you’re home.”, Jules’ voice suddenly made an entrance through the room, alongside the sound of a closed door, “You usually don’t get home until late.”

“Meh..they let me go early. We uh…ended up having some technical difficulties with the servers. Plus..we were slow.”, Euphemia said, kissing Jules’ cheek, before noticing his tired, and somewhat sad face, “What’s wrong, sweetheart? Bad day.”

“The worst.”, Jules sighed, collapsing onto the couch next to his fiance, “A lot of the customers today were just…so rude for no reason…I-my mind has been so scrambled lately trying to take care of this baby and planning our wedding, I-I’ve been messing up on taking orders and preparing them. I’ve lost count of how many times I had apologized to them, and a few of them even complained about me to my supervisor. Calling me stupid…useless…”

“Oh hell no…”

“That’s not even the worst of it!”, Jules sighed, wiping small tears off his cheeks, “She came back.”

“She? What are you-oh…you mean that bitch back from when I visited you at work?”

“Yes..I was barely able to block her wand spells. I think if I had just been a little bit bigger, then she’d probably have gotten me.”

Euphemia shook as she listened to Jules vent, her magical cores boiling and her blood fuming. If only she knew where she lived. Euphemia wanted no more than to turn Karen into a toad and keep her like that for the rest of her life. She knew her magic was powerful enough. Unlike most fairies, her transforming spells were permanent to her victims, regardless if their fagiggly gland was perfect or not. She remembers the time she had to turn one of her bullies into a fly in high school, not for pounding her or shoving her in the locker, but for smacking Jules’ behind in a flirty way. If only she could have been there for him now..

“Well..maybe it’s time.”, Euphemia started, “I’ve been thinking, you’re on your 5th month now, and..I think it’s time you talked to your boss about taking paternity leave, or quitting.”

“Quit my job? Why?”

“I can’t help but think about our baby, and lately, you just look like you’ve been struggling a lot.”

“Not more than I had normally been.”

“Well sweetie..it’s not just that.”, Euphemia started, massaging Jules’ somewhat tense shoulders, “I’ve been thinking about after the baby is born, and I just can’t help but wonder if you would want to become a house husband. You know, so you can take care of the baby while I’m working.”

“That wouldn’t be a bad idea, but you know, I’ve worked there for 5 years now, and I absolutely love doing it. It would hurt having to leave.”

“You have your flowers in your garden to still tend to. Plus, would you rather spend a bunch of money having a stranger taking care of your little baby rather than doing it yourself for free?”

“I guess when you put it that way..”, Jules thought.

“And it really wouldn’t make sense for me to quit because, no offense sweetheart, but I do bring in more cash than you.”

“Well..”, Jules pondered for a moment. He had loved tending to his flowers and watching fairies fall in love over red roses every day since he had started his job. He loved watching women present the roses to their husband and getting some rather passionate kisses in return. He event had the pleasure of watching a proposal right in front of the counter; his co-workers yelping and cheering for the eloped couple. There was no doubt in his mind that he loved working at the flower shop and no amount of Karens or rude customers could level out the love flowing through the air.

But the more Euphemia tried to explain to him, the more he couldn’t help but agree with her. Of course, leaving the flower shop would hurt, but his parents had often taught him that no family could be healthy or strong without a few sacrifices here and there, and knowing how much Euphemia had sacrificed since he had told her about his pregnancy, Jules felt as if it was his time to return the favor.

“Well…if this it what you want.”, Jules said, smiling softly but sadly as Euphemia returned the look, stroking his seaweed colored hair.

“Trust me. I only want what’s best for you and our little one. Just let me handle everything on the finance end from now on. Until this wedding and baby comes, I want you to take it easy for a little while. Just do whatever household chores you can without hurting yourself and you’ll be doing more than your share.”

“Well..I…ok but, you know I can still help out, right? I mean,I’m not THAT big yet.”

“Sweetheart, just do this for me. Please?” Euphemia begged as she squeezed Jules’ hand, before earning a nod, kissing his lips passionately before snuggling up against him, “You know I love you right?”

“Of course. I love you too, hunny bunny.”

#fairly oddparents #cosma family #fanfic #au

1 note · View note

realhankmccoy · 8 months

Text

Q: Hank, how you really gonna tell everyone Kansas City is tied with Chicago for the crown of 'best major Midwestern city) when only Saint Louis and Detroit are more homicidal? Srslys?

A: Murder isn't the only factor under consideration. it's safe in a zoo or at your dad's house or in an office in New York City. Murder, certainly, is points against Kansas City, so it is a factor... but the pros do a lot to outbalance that con.

Q: Hank you really think you can just decide that fast, you only been here two days?

A: Well i drove through it twice before in my life heh -- of course i can decide such things in two days, i've been travelling a lot, it's like how Paul McCartney wrote Yesterday in 5 minutes prob, you do it a lot you build up a skill and it's not rocket science to rank cities

i haven't been to Grand Rapids tho, that's the only major midwestern city i'm missing, but it looks damn uptight to me... my guess is it's prob the most uptight major midwestern city, which certainly has an intrigue to it but not one i've been willing to pay Grand Rapids prices for yet.

KC prices tho... hot damn... and the men... holy fuqq is ths ever the midwestern city to get some action in. this city is a dive and a dive bar is my kinda scene for some sexy fun usually

sure Detroit and Saint Louis are bigger dives, in a way, but those have gone past the point of sexy and into haunted house territory. maybe you get your rocks off to that, i dunno, i had a hookup in Detroit once that was alright, and another hookup with Stubby Fingers that i really really wanted to have but chickened out on. actually slept on a floor in Saint Louis -- it belonged to that guy from that dumb band, Short & Sweet that played with local H and he was in another better band called Sullen, I think it was... lemme check ... anyhow i woke up with him staring at me and kinda hating me... who knows why, probably i didn't kiss his ass enough... typical Americans are displeased unless you act like their art was the greatest thing since sliced Wonderbread, and that short & sweet band deffo was not. anyhow Saint Louis scares me too much for me to have rented in it, tho i almost did... the other factor is i'm just not big on the name. Saint Louis? Louisville? I'm a francophile but meh.... those are named after different Louises btw

wonder what ever became of this Justin D-bag from Sullen... hmm... my guess it it was an unhappy ending but i should see if i can find out, i just don't want to exert any effort at searching or to ask certain people about it and embarrass myself by asking. this was before some even more insufferable band started calling itself Sullen and sold a fuckton more records than Saint Louis kiddo ever did

as you kids know, this is a place where i only trash people who i think are stupid, selfish and unapologetically Trumpian and degrading of black people's, gays and womens' hopes and prospects for the most part (mostly a bunch of white racists who only ever post whitewhitewhitewhitewhitewhitewhitewhitewhitewhitewhitewhitewhite content) and have no respect for anymore after witnessing so many hypocrisies, lies and cucked brain cells on their part

the people who's opinions of me i do tend to fret about ... um...

yeah i don't mention those people's names. there's a lot of them. this is a weird zone where i compile and compact my trash like it's the bermuda triangle. even to apprehend how much i worry about real people and good people -- and how i come across to them would be a monumental task.

tumblr is a great place to vent about the 'Great' American Toy Story. MAGA GATS

youtube

#sullen #mommie queerest

0 notes

friendlystarfruit · 1 year

Note

i know you probably aren't going to post this and I see you are going through a tough time and happen to be very emotional but you don't get it...... :( you keep making vent post and in every vent post you vaguely mentioned that friend why is that your concern when you have bigger more important issues sort of act like you hate or just don't care about them anyway...... saying things like [ I have friends who are kind and care about me ] and it comes off like you're selfishly making it only about you when it takes two people to make a friendship and end it how do you think they feel? they probs feel the same or worse IDK It's not good that you're dwelling on it that means you feel guilty about losing them and usually that could mean you blame yourself (dunno if it's actually your fault) so you take it out by acting like it's their fault and they are not a good friend when really it could really not be their fault.... :( you are basically selfishly projecting [ We are not friends anymore so they are a bad person to me and I don't like them and I have friends who are kind to ME and care about ME and they stay by my side and get that it's supposed to be about ME ] please it's triggering it reminds me of my old narcissist friend who blame me for their insolence and then they just kept going on Insta saying [ I lost a friend but she never cared about me :( atleast I have better friends who talk to me :'((( ] it's like yikes did they forget they hurt my feelings too? I never posted about them because I know one day they will see it and like if they do honey your old friend will either be devastated and hurt or really full of anger because you are making it seem like [ omg they were rude and not my friend anymore but lol atleast I have friends who are kind and cares about me so whatever ] they will see that and be hurt mark my words because I witness someone do that to me on social media and it's not a good experience for them in fact it's probs worse than the actual friends breaking up part..... :( Take care of yourself sometimes you have to leave people in your life behind it's better to be quick about it too if you feel bad feelings about that friend don't dwell on them your mental health and happiness is more important than some friends so why waste your energy on them?

Anon .........My mother has cancer.....my dad is hospital , why are you obsessing over my personal life? This is incredibly inappropriate and disappointing you are imagining something that isn't there. This is so unfair.....I am not trying to hurt anyone I am not sending coded messages......this to me is obsession and paranoia

I am allowed to think of me at this time.....I am hurting so much I have been crying so much......I am scared I am trying to be postive......please leave me alone PLEASE...I wish no ill will to you or others but I cant deal with this......please all I ask is to be left alone to focus on my family.....

If you think I have some vague agenda unfollow me , because all I did was thank people for supporting me and I mentioned a friend ship loss in one tiny post , that could mean anything friends can break up and agree with eachother for the best,.

Anon you are not helping anyone here , let me move on I do not deserve this......

This anon really hurt me *sigh ....

#anon #ask #might delete

1 note · View note

fluffypeanut · 2 years

Photo

Hey guys! So I just remembered again I had this account and I think it would be great for this exact purpose, as you may of seen I put up a post a while ago saying how peanut the cat was the cat from my pedophile ex. So I decided since I finally found where he lives again to post it here as a way of saying fuck you/to vent. (Wow I cant believe he has a trump flag outside of his house but man is it on brand for him)

So anyways lets get on to some of the fun details :)

>Will include mentions of pedophilia, rape, and any type of abuse you can think of. Ex. physical, emotional, sexual abuse.

So anyways his full name is Kyle Wayne Carlton, he’s currently maybe around age 25 or 26 if I remember correctly (probably not but he’s still mid 20′s) and although the police havent done a fucking thing as I mentioned in the last post, this man is a massive pedophile and rapist!

He groomed me at age 16/17 and went out with me for a year, everything seemed fine at first until one day he changed and treated me like absolute shit. At first he was emotionally abusive and left me with body image issues for years after he left but during the relationship he also became physical and would openly hit me in front of his friends. I remember once he even threatened to beat me if I didnt go into his kitchen and kill a wasp, pretty fucking insane of him tbh. But anyways that’s just scratching the surface.

I realized years after therapy that he did in fact rape me way too many times to count, he constantly would do whatever he wanted with me without ever asking for consent, I was so young and sexually immature that I did not know what to do or what to say during any of it when it happened. My most traumatic memory was when he broke into my house, put me on the floor forcefully, yelled at me whenever I moved and quite literally spit onto my asshole before anally raping me. I would say I am surprised I didnt go to the hospital but i’m really not because his dick was so ugly small and fucked up that during normal sex I did not feel anything most of the time. Dudes balls were quite literally bigger than his dick and it was sad, dude was built like a gorilla. I’d dive into the many other stories about how he raped me but I do not have time for that. Would like to mention though he did take photos of me that I didnt know of and I ended up having to have a friend break into his phone and delete them all, Kyle constantly told me that if I also didnt take some photos of myself he would come into my house and take them himself. Which he did multiple times.

Anyways onto the reason that makes me not care about doxxing him, Kyle is a massive pedophile. He left me at the beginning of 2018 and ended up going out with his 16 YEAR OLD EX FUCKING GIRLFRIEND and he was 22-23 at the time. Ofc she left him because he’s a sex obsessed freak and he found a girl nearby who was i’m pretty sure 14 at the youngest. She had schizophrenia and he would constantly fuck with her and her mental illness to get her to have sex with him. He raped her, a 14 year old girl, up until she was 16 until he left her. There are many more details to this as in he said if he didnt have sex with her a fucking “succubus” would kill him, so that was his main way to get her to let him rape her.

Would also like to add here that at the end of the relationship he stalked me for maybe a month before I was able to get rid of him. He would constantly show up while I was sleeping and would knock on my windows and shine a flashlight into my room anywhere from 9pm-3am at night. It was horrifying.

Also I didnt mention it above but his family hoards cats, he had maybe 8+ cats when I was with him. Two died because he let them out although you could hear coyotes howling at night constantly, and him and his family never had the proper toys or scratching post for them. The thing is though, if any of the cats scratched one another or scratched the couches they would take them to be declawed, they crippled so many cats for being just normal cats. They constantly talked about declawing one of the cats they recently took off the street (probably stolen) and it hurt my heart because I wish i could of taken them in, the cat should of been alone and instead of taking her to the shelter they wanted to disable/cripple her. Another thing you would notice about both Kyle and his house is that it constantly smelled of cat piss, any bit of fabric in his room constantly reeked of cat piss because his disabled cats couldnt use the litter box. It was disgusting and sad.

Anyways I started this out with big intentions but my little brain cannot think correctly, i’m pretty sure I covered most of it. Essentially Kyle is a massive pedophile and a rapist who constantly emotionally, physically, and sexually abused me for over a year. He deserves fucking everything that comes to him and because of what he has done I do not care about fully doxxing him. Please sent porn mags to his house in his name among other things if you find this. Thank you.

As I said before there is many MANY more things he has done that I havent dug into but I feel like these are some of the main fucked up things he has done to both me and others. I would also like to say that I truly hope Peanut is okay, I remember them saying how they wanted to give him away for not using the litter box (he was disabled due to declawing as well). Even though Kyle is a massive fucking shitter, I will always have love for all of those poor cats that I met years and years ago. Thank you guys for reading and I hope you understand how horrible this “person” really is.

(I will probably never log into tumblr again after this, and if I do I mean it is what it is. But I do not want to really look at any of this anymore)

#abuse #child abuse #to my abuser #abuse recovery #tw pedophillia #abuser #child abuser #declawing #tw abuse

0 notes

thechaoticgrey · 2 years

Text

The lost world

I started this at the beginning of the year thinking it would be a cute short story. It grew and grew until now, at the end of the school year when I’m looking at this monstrosity that is taking up 14 pages in google docs and thinking about how its not even halfway done. I decided to post it here anyways because why not? I’m aware that I’m not the best writer out there but come on cut me some slack! I think this turned out quite nicely :D

“It’s too early for this” I thought as I sat in the classroom. My teacher was blabbering on about 1776 or something. I don’t really know. All I could focus on was my phone. I was waiting for my best friend, Kat, to respond. It wasn't important but she wasn't here today and I was admittedly worried. I know I should probably be taking notes. My grades weren’t great and I was fine with that. People expect me to get up at 7 am every day and go to this hellhole and still be chipper and eager to learn? Sure. I tried to text Kat again and waited for a second. It failed. I checked my wifi and it was fine. I turned on my data instead thinking that may help but still nothing. The thought of anything happening to her chilled me to the bone. I looked up at our last text conversation with her last message reading “I can’t take this school or this world in general anymore.” I attempted to convince myself that she was just sick and sleeping at the moment My leg started to bounce as I turned off my phone and shoved it in my pocket. How do girls do anything with tiny pockets? I’ll have to ask Kat when I see her next.

The teacher began handing out a worksheet and I sighed internally. Does anyone like this busywork? I saw the girl sitting next to me eagerly grab the sheet and immediately start it. Ok, maybe one person likes this crap. I took a look at the sheet and it seemed easy enough. There were only about 10 questions and they were about James Madison, Thomas Jefferson, and Alexander Hamilton so I could get it over with pretty quick. The bell rang and I put my assignment in my folder, grabbed my bag, and threw it over my shoulder.

I walked to my next class and it was weirdly empty. We only had a 4 minute passing period and the only other person in there was the same girl that liked homework. Hell, not even the teacher was there. Two more people walked in, a smaller girl with short brown hair wearing a white frilly tank top and a short pink skirt. She had an annoyingly loud voice. She was like the embodiment of nails on a chalkboard. She was talking to Jake, I only know his name because no one ever stops saying it. He’s the captain of the football team. He had a bigger build and was simply wearing shorts and a sweatshirt that had our school’s logo on it. Not really sure why he was wearing shorts, as it was the middle of January but I digress.

They were talking loudly and the girl said "Jake stoooopp im too small" and did that stupid hand thing. You know, the one where they try to look like a cat. Jake looked extremely uncomfortable and tried to find a way out of the situation. As soon as they fully got into the classroom, the alarm sounded. I believe it was the one for an intruder but I don’t remember. Judging by the fact that the teacher’s pet started barricading the door it probably was. I began to notice a sound coming from the vent. It was a hissing noise. "You guys may want to cover your mouths.” I said without really thinking. All I knew is that it was better to stay safe than sorry and this could save lives if this was deadly.

I'm not sure when I passed out but I opened my eyes and I was most definitely not in the classroom anymore. I was on top of a hill that had a small town just north of it. There was a path leading to the town and to the west there was a forest with dark twisted trees and I couldn’t see too far into it. The others were on the same hilltop as I was but they weren’t awake. I had a terrible headache and my leg seemed to be bleeding. I noticed that I still had my backpack on me and I looked in it hoping I still had my bandaids. Everything was still in there which was a relief. I looked at my cut and realized I couldn’t cover it with the bandaid. I used my extra gym shirt to clean up the blood.

Next, the goodie two shoes woke up and immediately started panicking. “Where are we? Where is my bag?” I looked at her and she stopped rambling. She looked down at the two that were still sleeping. “Hey- wait what’s your name?” I asked her. “Emma...So anyway, do you know where we are?” I shook my head and finished tying a piece of cloth around my leg. I looked back up at her and she had a huge bruise on her arm. “Are you ok?” I asked her. She seemed confused and then seemed to notice her arm.

It was then the other two woke up. The pick-me grabbed onto the poor guy’s arm and he just looked at us as to ask for help. “Now isn’t the time for cuddles.” Emma said, “We’re trying to figure out where we are.” She ignored Emma and started talking to the guy “Jakie Wakie im scaaaared” She said this in the most annoying high-pitched voice. “So im assuming your name is Jake then?” I asked him in a half-joking matter. He nodded and he gestured to the leech on his arm saying "this is Mia." “So Mia” I began, “would you mind maybe leaving Jake alone so we can figure out what’s happening?” She shook her head. “Im scawedy wardy”. That physically pained me to hear. “Let him go,” Emma said. I looked over at her, kinda shocked she lost her temper, and then realized that she was done with Mia’s crap as well. She let go of Jake, Pretty startled as well.

“Now, I think our best bet is to go down there,” I said and pointed to the town. Everyone looked down. Emma got up and began to walk down the hill and then gestured for us to follow. “So I was thinking that we could-” Jake’s voice trailed off and then he started again “what’s your name?” he asked. It was then I realized that we knew nothing about each other. “Tomas” I replied just as we got to the town. We got hit with the smell of the most amazing food. “Crap I haven’t eaten today” Emma said as her stomach growled. I looked around and saw there was a shop. “C’mon we can probably buy something there” I suggested. “I don’t have any money” Emma whispered. I took off my backpack and grabbed my wallet. “It’s alright,” I said and started walking towards the shop. There were not many people here that we could see. The town looked like something out of a fairytale. I thought we had walked into a renaissance festival or something because this looked nothing like my hometown.

We walked into the shop and a little bell rang. It was a small shop and the shelves were all made of wood. The items didn’t look like something you would normally see. Emma went up to go talk to the shopkeeper, who was turned away from us rummaging through a tote.

“Excuse me?” Emma hesitated. The shopkeeper turned around and to Emma’s surprise, the shopkeeper had pointy ears. “Yes, dear? What may I-” The shopkeeper began but she seemed to be startled by Emma. “A-are you a…” She began and then said in a hushed tone “Are you a human?

“I am” Emma stammered, “and what are you?” The shopkeeper seemed confused by this “Well, I’m an elf, what else do you expect in Scifair?” Jake piped up “Scifair?” The shopkeeper sighed “More tourists from Crossfalls, huh?” Mia began “No we-” I cut her off “Yep! Just came in, this town is absolutely beautiful!” I kicked Mia where the shopkeeper couldn’t see and she seemed to take the hint. “We don’t get many humans around here, With their history with the elves and all,” I nodded and tried to pull this off “Yeah well we are suckers for history, right guys?” Everyone else awkwardly said something in agreement.

“Alright then…” The shopkeeper hesitated “What did you come in for?” Emma was reminded why we were here. “Oh right! Do you sell food here?” The shopkeeper nods and points us to the far end of the shop. We grab a couple of apples and go up to the shopkeeper. I put the apples on the counter. "That will be 3 G." The shopkeeper said. I looked at Emma who had quite a startled look on her face and then I looked back at the shopkeeper. "Is there any other form of payment you take?" I asked in a moment of panic. "Oh yes yes we also take knowledge!" She replied perkily. I pulled the others into a huddle. "These people don’t seem to be from any modern times." I began "So I think we should simply say something that is from our time." It sounded really stupid but Emma nodded and her eyes lit up as she went back to the counter. "Our knowledge is that in the future there will be these things called phones" She started "And many people will have them. They can call people from all over the world and-" She pulled out her phone as she was telling the mesmerized shopkeeper about phones. I took this opportunity to throw a couple of drinks in my bag and as Emma finished up she grabbed the apples and said her goodbyes to the shopkeeper.

As we stepped out of the shop, we finally got a good look at the town. There were quite a few buildings. The shop we had gone in was made of brick and there were a few more things made of brick and further down a dirt road were a collection of houses and a group of children playing. There were lanterns hanging from the buildings, unlit. But the thing that really caught my eye was a building with a sign that read "Tipper tavern" There was a bunch of noise coming from there and it sounded interesting. I told the group that we should go in and Jake immediately agreed with me. " I don’t think we should" Mia whispered. Emma nodded "For once I agree with you, I don’t think it’s a great idea…" Jake thought for a minute. "Fine you guys can wait out here alone and-" Emma immediately changed her mind "oh no it's ok we can go in"

We stepped in and the first thing we can see is a bunch of Elves, Satyrs, pixies, and stuff of that sort, kicking something on the ground. Jake and I try to make out way to the front, only to see a poor Dragon humanoid on the ground. I ask pixie what’s happening and they say "This mother F-er came into scifair! We don’t want any of these F-ing-" I started to tune them out. I look over at jake and he is helping up the creature. I sighed and went over to help him and immediately saw jake get nailed in the face. He tried to continue shielding this creature that is the size of a grown man but I grabed the thing's hand and run out of the crowd. Amidst all of the chaos, half of the people don’t even realize the thing they hate is gone and the ones that do, don’t really know where it went.

When we get out of the crowd, me and jake book it out of the tavern. in hand. Emma and Mia follow us, confused. I explain what happened as we are walking through the town. "Excuse me" we hear a voice say. I look around and feel a slight tap on my shoulder. It was the Humanoid. Mia screams and jumps into Jake’s arms but he doesn’t catch her and she faceplants. Emma is somehow unfazed and begins talking to him.

"Hey," Emma begins "what's your name? "Cozbi..." The creature replies

"Well hi, Cozbi," I say as I look up to talk to her "Do you know why those people were kicking you?" Emma hits me. "What my friend is trying to say-" She gets cut off by Cozbi. "No it’s ok, It’s because dragons aren’t liked too much here. Because of the whole taking over their villages and whatnot" I nodded along with the others but they were not great at hiding their panic and confusion.

Cozbi looked at them and saw they didn't know what he was talking about. "You...dont know what im talking about, do you?" Mia shook her head. Cozbi began to explain.

"Well, years and years ago, there was a Dragon named Dolin. He was mighty and well respected. He was one of the most powerful dragons there was and he hated Elves but no one really knows why. One day he came to this very village and began destroying buildings, killing the locals, stuff like that. He had an entire army with him as well so the elves formed an alliance with the satyrs, pixies, and centars. In retaliation, the dragons formed an alliance with humans. The war was long and painful but in the end, the dragons won. The elves had promised that they would let their allies live in their towns once the war ended so now the land is divided between the dragons and everyone else."

Emma piped up "What happened to the humans?"

Cozbi nodded "They went extinct years ago"

He began to look us up and down "What are you guys anyway?" We all exchanged glances. "Humans..." Jake said. Cozbi was startled at this. "B-but why are you-" He looked us up and down, puzzled. "We are uh... Not from around here" I said trying to change the subject. Cozbi took a breath. "Then where are your weapons?" He asked. I looked at the other three and they all looked confused. "You most definitely won't survive without weapons" Cozbi started. Jake's eyes lit up. "CAN WE GET WEAPONS??" He looked so excited his eyes were gleaming. He shot his hands in the air. Cozbi nodded "Yes I have a sister who is a weaponsmith. She could help you guys" I nodded and looked at the girls, they seemed hesitant. "Im not so sure about this" Emma worried. Mia nodded. "Look, we need to survive here. I don't know where we are or why we are here but we need to stay alive, ok?"

Emma said that with fear in her voice but barely any emotion on her face. It honestly scared me so I just nodded along. She turned her attention to Cozbi "Do you think we will get into fights?" Cozbi nodded almost aggressively "oh yes yes yes most definitely." Jake smirks " Then I guess we will need weapons"

I sigh "Yes I guess so" Jake is over there looking like a kid in a candy store. Meanwhile, Mia is faking excitement for Jake and Emma seems to be done with everyone's crap. Cozbi nodded "yes, yes follow me"

Jake was right behind him, he was walking almost like a cartoon character. Mia was right behind him bud she was oddly not all over him. I and Emma were behind everyone talking,

"Why did you okay this??" Emma said rather angrily

"we need to survive don't we?" I replied

"We NEED to get information on where we are"

"We cant get information if were dead"

She stopped for a minute and then tried to change the subject

"Dang Mia hasn't talked for a while"

I laughed "yeah, im getting kind of worried"

"And she's not all over Jake"

"Maybe she's over him?"

There was a slight pause and then laughter, it was quiet sure but it was nice. It was nice to have a friend that wasn't…Kat. I remembered her. I remembered that she never responded to my text. I missed her and wondered how she was doing. I looked at my phone again and, no service. "You alright?" Emma asked. I realized I had been zoned out for an odd amount of time. I nodded and we continued walking with Cozbi.

When we reached the small town I saw a building that read "Bela armory" As we walked into the stone building the smell of burning lofted in the air. "Not again" Muttered Cozbi. Before any of us could ask what's up, a dragon humanoid thing came out of a large metal door. She seemed to be on fire but she wasn't fazed at all. "Oh my stars…" Cozbi said as he grabbed a nearby fire extinguisher and sprayed the energetic girl with it. "Thanks, Coz!" She said. She had a very lighthearted voice. She was wearing these glasses that had tinted green lenses and a tattered leather apron. Her hair was messy and her smile was huge.

She gasped when she saw us " COZ did you bring me customers??" She said that in a very loving tone. Cozbi nodded and the girl picked him up and twirled him around. He looked startled and as she put him down she looked at us. "Heya! Pleasure to meetcha! The names Azzy!" She held out her clawed hand as Jake shook it he recoiled in pain. "Fragile kids you must be" she stated. Jake looked offended at this but didn't say anything. Azzy began inspecting us and mumbling and then ran off into the room she had come from.

Cozbi looked at us and with an awkward laugh said “yeah my sister is something” we all nodded and then

CRASH

An arrow came flying out of the room and went directly into a toolbox that was inches away from me. I jumped as well as everyone else except for cozbi. He looked apologetic and tired as he walked over to the room. We heard muffled talking that got louder and louder. But we still couldn't make out what there were saying.

Azzy and Cozbi walked out of the room and he seemed to be scolding his sister. As Azzy got closer to us I could make out what she was holding. There was a bow in her right hand along with a quiver along her right shoulder, there was a pair of metal nunchucks with spikes on it on her belt and next to it a sword in a sheath. Then in her right hand, there was what seemed to be a large stick with an orb inside of it. She laid everything out on the table and said “alright, im going to explain each of these.”

She pointed to the bow and quiver which had about 9 arrows in it. “This bow is nothing out of the ordinary, however, the quiver can regenerate the arrows. It has a 5-second cooldown period but as long as you cant shoot that many arrows in 5 seconds, you should be okay.

“Next,” Azzy pointed to the next weapon“These nunchucks have been sitting on my workbench for quite a while. They are poison-tipped so be careful to not hit yourself with them. If you hit your enemy with them, they will become significantly slower and easier to kill.

She then moved her hand over to the sword. “This is my favorite weapon, it can extend up to 60 feet. It has barely any use when it's that big but-” She was cut off by Jake grabbing it. “Alright then…”

“And lastly” she put her hand over the stick with the orb in it. “This is the great staff of evermore. It can shrink objects, produce any liquid by the gallon, produce water out of thin air, and so much more. It is mostly unknown to me. I would say it's because it can only be handled by a great and powerful worrier but that wouldn't be true, I just don't want to deal with it. It's annoying and hard to use.

Everyone besides Jake, who was messing around with the sword, went up to the table. Mia grabbed the nunchucks and began looking them over as Emma grabbed the bow and quiver. That left me with the glorified stick.

I began to look it over and run my hand across it. The orb began to glow as I touched it. The rest of the stick was covered in this engraved design. I knew it was writing but it definitely wasn't in English. I spent a hot minute looking over the words trying to make sense of them before I looked up and asked Azzy what they meant. She shrugged “I donno kid I haven't spent a ton of time experimenting, I found this thing in some ruins of an old village just east of Greycott.”

Just then, one of the windows began to glow. It was so bright. It was a violent purple and the rest of the room went dark. Azzy and Cozbi looked afraid. The only difference is that Azzy was bouncing her leg and talking to herself as Cozbi was obviously trying to hide his fears. My classmates and I were looking at each other frantically. This was honestly one of the craziest things we had seen. The window became a twisting swirl for about 5 seconds and then a hooded figure appeared on the screen. The face was obstructed and the voice was autotuned. The figure began to speak “Hello Jake, that's a nice sword you have there” Jake looked around and then whispered with a trembling voice “It can hear us?” The figure went on “Let's cut the chit-chat kids. You aren't supposed to be here.” Emma sort of laughed to herself and said under her breath “you got that right” The voice was angered by this. “SILENCE” We all jumped. The voice continued “You all have a month to go back to your realm” I took a second to process and then piped up “and if we don't..?” I asked cautiously. The figure didn't wait for a second to respond “you will all perish”

We were all obviously startled by this. I took a breath and tried to calm myself but who was I kidding? My heart was racing out of my chest. By the time I had even calmed myself down enough to be able to think properly, the window went back to normal and the others were messing around with their weapons again. “Are you alright? You look as pale as a ghost.” I looked up to see Cozbi looking at me with great concern in his eyes. It was at this moment I realized no one else had seen what I had seen. I attempted to compose myself and fake a laugh “Yeah im fine” He didn't seem to buy it but walked away anyways.

I looked down at my stick. It was still in my hand and the orb bit was…glowing…? It was the same purple swirl I had seen in the window. My hands were shaking as I looked into the orb. The figure appeared in the sphere and I almost threw it but my hand wouldn't let go of it. It was almost like it was glued to my hand. The figure began to say something but was swiftly cut off by the racket of Jake sword fighting Azzy. Then it disappeared once again.

It was so weird. Looking around at these people who moments ago were pale as ghosts, being so happy and carefree. Mia was attempting to twirl her nunchucks but wasn't doing so hot. She was continually hitting herself whether it be in the face or on the thighs. Meanwhile, Emma seemed to be quite good at shooting a bow and arrow. She must have done archery as a kid.

At this point, everyone seemed so at peace. Emma was now helping Mia and they weren't bickering. Mia even stopped the annoying nail on a chalkboard voice and sounded like a person. Jake walked over to me and smacked my back. It H U RT man.

“You good bro?” Jake seemed sort of worried but still chill

“Yeah im fine just rubbing my back for no reason”

“Okay Great!”

This guy- I swear “Help me up you dimwit” I said harsher than I intended. He didn't seem hurt and he threw me on his shoulders. I got a good look at the room and it was beautiful in a super cluttered kinda way. There was oil on the ground along with a bunch of tools scattered around. There were what I presume to be half-finished weapons all over. We were in the main room and there was a door going into another room which was where Azzy came out. Then there was a staircase. I couldn't see what it lead to, but it was probably upstairs.

Mia and Emma seemed to be having fun. Emma was smiling and showing Mia how to spin nunchucks. They seemed to be having fun. Mia seemed to be getting the hang of it. Azzy and Cozbi were talking about something but Azzy was preoccupied with an axe that she was adding some things to. It was then that a girl only a bit taller than me came down the stairs.

She had this wavy brown hair that went down to her shoulders. It was the same color as Cozbis. She had these wings that were smaller than Cozbi or Azzy’s but they were still quite large. They were black with this beautiful blue. They were different than Cozbi and Azzys because theirs were red and orange. The girl had ripped jeans and a dirty t-shirt on. She was decently pretty but Jake was mesmerized. Men, am I right?

The girl walked down the stairs and went over to where Azzy and Cozbi were. Cozbi ruffled her hair and said something to the effect of “Heya kiddo!” His entire vibe changed when he was around her. Instead of being serious like he was seconds prior, he seemed so calm. So friendly.

Cozbi pointed over at the girls, who were now just chatting. And then at us. She looked at me and then at Jake. She saw Jake, being a simp. And me, on his shoulders done with everything. She started walking over to us and he threw me off of his shoulders. He was so entranced with her image that he forgot that I was still being held by him, causing me to faceplant. The girl grabbed my hand and picked me off the ground with ease. “Hey, im Lilith” Jake began to fumble over his words “hi im- well uh-” I decided to cut him off so he didn't embarrass himself anymore “Im Tomas, and that's Jake.” She shook my hand and nodded at jake.

“So how do you know my dad?” She asked us. We were both confused until I realized, her dad was probably Cozbi. “We saved him in Scifair” I responded, a bit egotistical. She thanked me and went over to talk to the girls. “Wasnt she so hot dude?” Jake said as soon as she was out of earshot. I shrugged “She was alright, not my type personally.”

“Oh come On” He started, in a winey voice “You can't tell me she wasn't the hottest thing you've ever seen” I shrugged “I donno sure man whatever floats your goat.” God, I wished Kat was here. She could have told him to shut up. Just then another girl walked down the stairs. She was about 10 years old with these tiny red wings and little stubs for horns. She looked super tired. When she got to the bottom of the stairs she ran over and hugged Lilith. Lilith picked the small girl up and twirled her around. It was admittedly super adorable.

Mia and Emma seemed to think so as well because when Lilith set the girl down they both crouched down and began to talk to her in a super sweet voice. Jake was also looking at her in awe. We both walked over to the girls and the kid started excitedly waving at us and began to introduce herself in the fastest speaking voice I had ever heard “HI IM LAKE MY PRONOUNS ARE SHE IM 9 YEARS OLD AND MY FAVORITE COLOR IS THE SUN” Emma leaned over to me and whispered “I already love this kid” I did too she was awesome.

That night we stayed at Azzy’s place. We went and found out what was upstairs too. It was 4 bedrooms. One for Cozbi, One for Azzy, and one for the girls. The other one was a guest bedroom which had 2 beds and a couch. That's where we stayed. Emma chose to sleep on the floor as Mia and Jake got the beds. I took the couch after offering it to Mia. None of us slept well. Except for Jake that is. That guy snores like my dad. Mia was using a pillow to cover her ears as was Emma but I was fine. I was used to hearing aggressive snoring. At home, my dad's room shared a wall with mine so I had to hear this every night. What I wasn't used to, however, was every time I closed my eyes I saw that figure again. It was as tall as a great oak tree and their facial features were obstructed.

When I did finally drift off, the figure was in my dreams too. The words “you will all perish” Echoed in my head. Again and again and again. I tried to drown it out but no matter how far I tried to run or how loud I screamed it wouldn't go away. I couldn't move. It was always in my ear. Taunting me. Torturing me. The figure growing closer and closer. Then it stopped. The looping of the same sentence finally seized and I could finally breathe. The figure was still growing closer but it felt oddly calming. Like the feeling of sitting inside while a thunderstorm is right outside.

The figure reached out a hand and began to speak “You do not need to put up with these dimwits, Tomas.” Their voice echoed and boomed like the sound of a great drum. It almost sounded fake “You are smarter than them. You may join me and together we shall-” They were cut off by Emma shaking me awake. “What the heck???” she was practically spitting on my face as she yelled. “Why were you screaming???” I was extremely groggy when I tried to answer. “Sorry… just a bad dream” She looked at me the way your mom looks at you when you get a bad grade “mhm yeah sure whatever, just shut up”

I couldn't fall asleep after that. The voice echoed in my head. Again and again. I wanted to know what it wanted. What about me was so special that they wanted me to join? Did I even want to join? I had so many questions my mind was racing until the crack of dawn. When the sun was pouring through the windows like a flood of light and the birds were singing on a tree branch inches away from the window Azzy came up the stairs holding a spatula and wearing an apron that said “Please don't kiss the cook” She opened the door to the previously dark and dreary room that was now so pleasant to be in. “Rise and shine kiddos! Ya got a long day ahead of ya!” This puzzled us and so Mia spoke up “What do you mean?” It was odd to hear her without that annoying high-pitched voice that was the sound equivalent to stepping on a lego but I could get used to it. Azzy smiled “Well, today Coz is going to take you kids downtown to help yall figure out where you guys came from and how ya got here!” Jake was still fast asleep at this point and Azzy seemed to notice and grabbed a giant book from the shelf that was right next to the door and dropped it on the creaky wooden floorboards. The sound it made was almost louder than his snoring. He woke up right away after that.

As Azzy left the room to let us get ready I finally got a good look at it. The old wooden floors looked like something from a painting. The walls were covered in pictures of Cozbi, Lake, Lilith, and Azzy. There were some other pictures that had another man. He was taller than Cozbi and Azzy. He had a full beard and his wings were a brilliant shade of red with golden specks all throughout. In the pictures he was holding a small child I assumed to be Lilith. In another picture, I saw the man and Cozbi in a suit. It almost looked like a wedding. Do they have weddings here? That was the question as I walked downstairs to meet Azzy.

Mia broke my train of thought. “Whatcha thinking about?” I replied a little too hastily “nothing.” I don't know why I was even anxious. When we reached the bottom of the stairs Azzy took us away from the workshop into a dining room. There was a window casting a ray of sunlight into this quaint little room. The table in the middle of the room had 5 seats. Emma was sitting in one of the seats talking to cozbi who was sitting just left of her. Mia sat down on Emma’s righthand side and joined the conversation. I sat down next to Cozbi and began studying the table. There were these intricate little patterns carved into it and I couldn't quite make out what they were supposed to be. I was trying to focus on all of them at once. Finally, I figured one out. A staff!

Just as that thought crossed my mind, Azzy put down a giant plate with Pancakes and Bacon in the middle of the table. “Dig in kiddos!” Azzy said with a wink and then disappeared off into the kitchen. I ate faster than I ever had. It felt like I had been here for a week. Time seemed to pass differently here. Now that I thought about it, walking here felt like a 10-minute walk but we had passed so much it seemed like we were walking for days. There didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to the way time passed but it was treated by the locals similarly to the way we treated ours so I didn't give it much more thought.

Jake walked down the stairs and into the room. He greeted us with “morning nerds, and Mia.” I responded with “good morning Jake” He slapped me on the back and sat down between me and Mia. I started studying the table again making out more and more of the doodles.

A face, a flower, a mountain, a tree, stars, a face, a beaker, wait- hold on. A face? I started looking closer at the face. I traced my finger over it and, it looked like me. Cozbi must have seen me staring at the face. “Oh ho ho I see you've noticed it!” I jumped “uh- noticed what?” I responded. He laughed “don't look so worried, the table simply shifts into whatever represents the person looking at it. I assume you have seen yours?” I nodded but was really confused. 1, why a table to describe what defines me? 2, how does that work? 3, This entire thing seems stupid. These questions floated around in my mind for a bit until my thought was interrupted by Azzy coming back in. “Are you all ready to go?” Cozbi slapped his knees and got up. “Yep!” he is a true dad. Emma nodded and smiled as me, Mia, and Jake looked at each other.

“Oh, we forgot to tell them!” Azzy noticed our confused faces. “We’re going to go out and try to get you all home!” Jake piped up “What about Lilith and Lake? Are we leaving them here?” Cozbi shook his head “oh no no no, the girls love a good adventure and I couldn't bear leaving them here alone without knowing when I would get back. They will come with us.” Jake did a tiny fist pump as Lake walked into the room. She ran up to Cozbi and hugged him “DAD” She screamed excitedly “yes?” He replied calmly but with the most genuine grin I have ever seen. “ARE WE GONNA GET TO FIGHT?!” She was flapping her hands in excitement. I love this kid. Lilith walked in and shook her head “sorry Lake, I don't think it's a good idea to let ya fight.” She picked up Lake and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Awwww whyyyyy” Lake whined. Lilith gave her a look as if to say “you know” and with that, she walked with her little sister out of the dining room and upstairs, most likely to their room. “You guys probably don't have any extra clothes, do ya?” Cozbi asked. All four of us shook our heads. He went upstairs and a few minutes later came down with some clothes. “Girls, you can borrow Lilliths clothes,” he said as he handed Mia and Emma each an outfit “and you two can borrow my old things” He handed us some clothes as well”

We headed upstairs to change. Emma went to the bathroom as Jake went into the bedroom and me and Mia were left in the hallway to make dreaded small talk. “So, you having fun yet?” I started after some awkward silence. She laughed “yeah, as much as you can in this situation I guess.” Finally Jake got out of the bedroom and Mia went in and shortly after Emma got out of the bathroom where I went in.

The outfit was nice. There was a t-shirt that said “Dick Masterly, Never gonna not give you down” I laughed to myself as I put the shirt and a pair of ripped jeans on. I came out of the bathroom in my new outfit. Mia and Emma were chatting and Jake was staring off into the distance. We all walked downstairs and as the girls were chatting about who knows what I looked at Jake. He looked worried, he was fidgeting with his hands and looked lost in thought. I started asking “Hey are you alright?” But Cozbi started talking before I could finish. “Alrighty, kiddos!” He said this with a booming tone “Are you ready to get going?” We all nodded and Cozbi handed us our weapons.

The staff was growing on me. I loved the designs on it and the orb’s color was beautiful. When I touched the orb and it began to glow again and then swirl into the purple color I had been fearing the night before. I saw the figure in the orb and I began to shake. My eyesight went foggy and my hands were practically vibrating. I didn't even notice when tears started falling down my cheeks. Why was I so afraid of this thing?

I regained consciousness after Emma started shaking me. “What is up with you?” Jake asked me as soon as I wiped my eyes. I really didn't know. I attempted to convey that but all that came out of my mouth was “I- I don't- I can't-” and Mia just said, “It's fine, tell us while we’re walking.” I looked around for Cozbi and Emma informed me that he was already outside waiting for us. When we got outside the sun hit me like a title wave. We started walking and the others started asking me questions.

“What happened?” Asked Mia

“I’m not really sure.” I responded

“What’s with that orb?”

“Donno.”

“Do you know anything?” Emma asked sarcastically.

“Probably not” I replied with the same tone.

Jake, Mia, and Cozbi started walking ahead and Emma turned a lot more serious. “Tomas.” She said almost commanding me. “Yeah?” She looked me in the eyes as she spoke. “I know that you know something that you aren't telling us. The screaming last night, the crying with the orb. What’s happening.” She spoke in such a tone it was hard to lie to her. I looked down at the staff and then back up at her. I told her everything that I knew. About the figure, the purple crap, them acting like everything is normal. She walked in silence until I finished. When I did she was stunned. She cleared her throat and tried to gain composer “well then…”

I began looking at our surroundings. We were on a dirt path with forest to either side of us. The trees were tall and handsome with these beautiful pink leaves. The bark was light and the branches were strong. There were small fairies that seemed to live on some of the trees in these lanterns of all different shapes and sizes. Ahead of us, there was a hill with flowers scattered on it. A beautiful fragile rainbow mosaic of blossoms. I looked down at my feet and realized that they were tulips. They were my favorite flowers and I loved the way they looked. I smiled as I looked over the field. The others were already at the top of the hill but they stopped. Emma and I jogged to catch up to them.

When we got to the top of the hill we saw a beautiful castle. It looked like something I would have drawn as a kid. It was large and grand with a beautiful mural of a field of flowers. Looking closer it looked like a field I used to hang out in with Kat. I took my phone out of my pocket to see if maybe she responded. She didn’t however, she had read it. I tried texter her again “you there??” When I clicked send it took a second but as soon as it had been delivered, she read it. It wasn't like her to not respond so I continued to worry about her. I shoved my phone back into my pocket and looked over at the rest of them. They had stopped and they were all staring at the castle. After a few seconds, Emma piped up “Why are we here exactly?” Cozbi smiled “Well, this is the home of the master of magic and sorcery. If anyone can get you all home, she can.” We began to walk up to the front door of the castle and as we got to the entrance my phone buzzed. I grabbed it out of reflex and looked at who messaged me. It was Kat! I opened up my phone and the text read “go away.” that was odd and gave me an odd feeling in my stomach. Something weird was going on.

We walked in the huge doors of the castle and stopped. My heart sank and I couldn't pinpoint why. The entryway was beautiful with mass amounts of plants, beautiful paintings all throughout the walls, and so many majestic colors. There was a flight of stairs right in front of us and a living room to our left. There was a closed door to our right that was painted with a swirling purple pattern. I gripped tighter onto my staff and took a deep breath. Cozbi looked as if he was about to say something but before he could, the door opened with a long “creeeeeeeeak” to reveal the figure in the cloak. I took a step back as my hands began to tremble. Emma and Jake both tried to look brave but I could see the fear in their eyes. Mia gripped her nunchucks tighter with a look in her eyes that almost said “try me.” The figure pulled off their hood “I told you to go away.”

It was Kat! My body stopped shaking like a maraca for a moment. I was so relieved to see her. My mind was racing as fast as my heart was until it latched on to a thought “why was she in that robe?” She had this stone-cold look in her eyes that was unlike what I had ever seen in her before. She was generally a pretty happy outgoing person and I could count the number of times I had seen her angry on one hand and still have fingers left. She was looking first at Emma, then Jake, then Mia, and finally me. As she made eye contact with me her expression softened. She smiled and began to speak in the tone she normally did with me. “You can still join me, you know.” My mind flashed back to the nightmare. To the pure fear I had felt. I began to stammer “What are you- why are you-” She cut me off before I could finish. “Do you remember what I said, Tomas?” I shook my head and she continued “I said that I was done with that school and that world.” I thought about her text and breathed another sigh of relief remembering the panic I had felt when she said that. “I thought you had…you know,” I said not wanting to actually let the words escape my mouth. She seemed a bit stunned. I knew she would have never done anything like that but the worry had still been in my head. During this conversation, the other three began whispering to each other. Kat was extremely calm with me and it put me at ease but as soon as she saw my friends talking to each other she looked up and immediately her demeanor changed. “What are YOU talking about?” She snapped. She put so much emphasis on the word you, it was unsettling. They jumped and looked absolutely terrified. I tried to intervene “Hey, what's up?” she looked back at me with hatred in her eyes “what's up…what's up” She put so much emphasis on each word. “What's up is that your friend here” She gestured at Jake “Has made my life a living hell for the past 5 years. What up is that this one” She gestured at Mia “Hasn't shut up since the day she was born. And that one” She gestured at Emma. “...Well, she hasn't done anything wrong but you get my point. Tomas, why are you hanging out with them?”

I looked at these people who even though I practically just met them, it feels as if we’d been friends forever. I look at my friend who I had known for a lifetime and it feels as if I didn't know her at all. The look on Kat’s face was unlike anything I had ever seen before. She was normally so chipper but now she seemed like a shell of herself. She had this insane look in her eyes. She was staring right at Jake. Kat put her hand into her pocket and uddered “I will make you suffer as I have.” Those words made my heart drop. She pulled out a dagger from her pocket and began to charge at Jake. The dagger grazed his arm but didn't full-on stab him. He took out his sword from its shieth and pointed it at her. Emma readied her bow and Mia readied her nunchucks.

#creative #writing #fantasy

0 notes

thespoonisvictory · 3 years

Note

first anon in the "future talk" tag here (yes, i am still around haha) and wow, did my predictions hold up. it might be because i was here when MCYT originally went downhill in 2016-2017 too.

the dream smp is definitely dying. the most i could see is a small group banding together for one specific storyline (quackity, wilbur, tubbo, tommy, dream, etcetera) to wrap up, and maybe turn it into a "ooo maybe we'll do lore every once in a while as an epilogue oooo!" thing after an official "conclusion," but other than that.... yeah, it's dead

i agree with all of the "fandom won't die out takes." most of my friends have moved on from it, but they all still have some semblance of attachment and do still make content. i think after it "ends," theres going to be a few months where it's still sort-of big, and the ao3 tags are still gonna be flooded with 14-year-old's vent fics, then it'll die off and a few prominent artists, accounts, and fic authors will reign (mainly on tumblr, as twitter seems to have a much shorter attention span). i'll probably write another fic or two on c!wilbur and c!tommy myself (i'm actually the author of "i can't stand your taste in my mouth," aka @.midastwt on ao3) before wrapping up unless i get a very good idea

if you want my opinion on where the creators are gonna go after this? most of them are gonna branch off to variety or an offline gig (such as tommy with vlogging, tubbo/ranboo variety streams, wilbur music, etcetera) while doing minecraft from time to time. i don't think any of them will up and abandon it, they seem to enjoy it too much. i think the longer-term and older mcyters (technoblade, skeppy, badboyhalo, hbomb, philza, etcetera) are going to stick what they've always done, and stay with minecraft mainly

the people i see struggling will be dream, sapnap, and george. i think sapnap has the most potential to hold a "variety streamer" position, but his popularity's gonna die out (similar with karl). george is.... george, but i think his fanbase is a lot more loyal and dedicated

while dream has a huge fanbase, he also has, allegedly, nothing planned next. he barely streams, least of all what his brand was made of, he barely uploads videos, his music is mediocre at best and is disliked by the wider music scene and basically just kept up by his fans, he has the most controversy, and the wider minecraft scene seems to be getting more and more pissed off at him by the day

we're most likely to see a lot of mcyt content settle back down into mainly small streamers and smps hosted by professionals and veterans of the community. hermitcraft will keep going, the people associated will make other smps and get others involved, and things will return to normal for the community, just slightly bigger

2022-2023, in my mind, are going to be at 2019-scale or smaller (considerably bigger than 2017-2018, with a few big popular creators, but nothing too much). and there's probably gonna be a new revival soon after that, as the kids who grew up with dream and tommyinnit and technoblade rekindle their love of minecraft, and go back to it, and then the cycle will continue

smart anon I am so sorry for requesting ur wisdom then not answering it for like a month <3

anyway I think most of this is very correct, here are my assorted thoughts on the matter:

big agree on the dsmp. still afraid to officially declare it dead because they have fooled me before, but yeah. I would like to see them at least get a proper ending off though

big Big agree on most old school mcyt staying the same, and with new mcyt finding variety niches. I think tubbo def has a place in the larger twitch community where I don't see ranboo's fame sticking as much long term tbh.

I don't think wilbur is abandoning twitch anytime soon, but you can def see that he is finding that success outside of content creation platforms with Lovejoy. his ability to retain such a solid and large audience even post dsmp hype, along with the more patient and loyal fanbase he's garnered, is going to serve him really well as an indie artist. he's one of the only streamers who's maintained the majority of his growth during the dsmp, and his infrequent but just frequent enough stream schedule and new music hype is only helping to foster that. good job wilbur!

plus, given his track record of finding fame where you least expect it, I doubt he's going anywhere fast

tommy is very interesting to me. already you can see vlogs and the hype around them dying down, although this is definitely partially due to colder weather, but they aren't pulling the blockbuster views they did before as people adjust to it just being a normal thing for creators to vlog together. I'd love to see him sink his teeth into another solid project like the mod videos or his dsmp writing, bc he 100% has the strengths to keep his audience with around, but rn he's bleeding interest

I think most sbi and dteam adjacent streamers are going to settle back down into <10k or probably <5k viewerships, and those smart enough to stick to their brand and provide consistent content will remain on the scene. niki immediately strikes me as someone who has garnered quite a loyal and retainable fanbase by not adhering to trends or collabs with big ccs, where as jack.. not so much (not that I don't love him tho <3)

big agree with the dteam stuff

last thing is that I don't think it's going to shrink quite to 2019 size simply because of just how much larger the audience pool is, but I see the fan climate becoming much more similar

anyway friendly reminder I love all of these ccs and think they are all much cooler and more talented than me. I could not do their jobs half as well, I just like speculating.

#critical #dream critical #not rly but for blacklist #future talk #also send asks abt this if u want smile #this is my fav topic #but be nice pls

213 notes · View notes

ellieswhoreeee · 3 years

Text

The Two of Us. pt 3

Author’s Note; Hello everyone! Welcome back :) Thank you once again for reading The Two of Us, i’m so excited for he directing this will be heading. The ideas are flowing! Anyways, i think this story will be less then 10 chapters. There will be conflict- with some angst so be prepared! Enjoy!!

Endgame Pairing: Ellie Williams x fem! Reader

Warnings: Violence, marijuana, swearing, ect.

———————————————————————

“Wanna hear a joke?” Ellie asked after a couple of minutes of silence. You smiled, somehow feeling nostalgic. Ellie used to have this pun book that she would carry around when you two were younger and randomly tell you jokes.

It was refreshing.

“Alright, hit me.” You nodded, looking over at Ellie who was next to you. Ellie was on Shimmer, riding gracefully. She was looking straight ahead, almost as if she was avoiding eye contact with you.

But she wasn’t. If anything she was nervous.

Suddenly, she leaned over towards you- and smacked you over the head. She retreated back to where she originally was and smirked at you. The look on your face told her everything. “What? You said hit me, so i did. You’re welcome.”

Funny girl. Of course, you couldn’t even be mad or negative. You let out a small laugh. “Ellie, i’m pretty sure that wasn’t the joke.”

“How’d you figure?” With another look that you threw at her, she understood what it had meant. She thought about something for a moment, and then remembered what the joke was. “What did the grape say when it got crushed?”

“I don’t know, something with raisins?”

“What? No- you really suck at this,”

“Shut up and finish the joke.”

“Nothing, it just let out a little wine.”

“Ellie, god that was horrible.” You chuckled out, and continued to grip onto Gemini’s reins. At the moment you were passing a small town. You had no idea what the name was since the vegetation was covering all the signs, growing onto the buildings and overgrown as shit. Everything was so green and lush, but the way it was abandoned made it look scary.

Which made you even more cautious for infected.

“Oh yeah? Well, i’d like to hear one of your fabulous jokes.” Ellie’s voice rang through your ears. You looked over at her, somehow she was now ahead of you. You stared at the back of her head, looking at her long neck, her hair that was tied back and her slender shoulders. Ellie made you forget about the apocalypse.

“Sorry to break it to you but my speciality is pick up lines.” You answered with a smile. You finally looked away from her and your attention fell onto the graffiti on the buildings. But the moment you felt Ellie’s eyes on you, you looked back.

Ellie’s eyes were sparkling. You didn’t know what that look on her face meant, it was the first time you’ve seen her like this. “Really? Alright, i’d like to hear what your ex’s fell for.”

“Ellie, they don’t count since they’re not really ex’s.” You frowned, remember the people who you used to… Well, “hang out with”. There was a time in your life where you denied the feelings for Ellie. Where you thought it was a phase and that you were mistaking your feelings as something else. You thought the interest was you just wanting to be her close friend because god, Ellie was amazing. It took you some time and talking to some friends to realize what you felt was more than wanting to be a close friend.

“Doesn’t matter. I want a good pick up line!”

She seems fine with it, why wouldn’t she? It’s not like it’s something serious. You got this. Playful attitude and it’ll all be okay.

You nodded, and cleared your throat. You stopped Gemini from continuing to walk. You waited for Ellie to stop Shimmer, so she could actually look at you. And she did, she turned shimmer around so she could stare at you. You two were in the middle of the road, out in the open. “Can i borrow a kiss? I promise i’ll give it back.”

Ellie’s face flushed- it couldn’t be helped. That was a good pick up line, she couldn’t deny that. The way you said it, the way you were looking at her and… God, she was helpless. Wait- what was she thinking? She had a girlfriend back home! She swore to get over after realizing you couldn’t have liked her back!

“What? Was that not good enough? Well, i do have seasonal pick up lines. Like, If a kiss was a snowflake, I would send you a snowstorm.” And with that you sent her a small wink, and leaned closer to Gemini’s neck. The look on her face was… Different. You couldn’t really understand her.

“Y/n-“ There was a scream- multiple screams and clicks that brought you back from your little world with Ellie. You felt your stomach drop at the noise. Infected really are a pain in the ass.

“Infected,” You warned, looking around in the town where the sounds seem to be coming from. You noticed a broken window from a grocery store. It was dark, and there was small noises coming from in there. “I thought this area would be clear.”

“They like to wander, remember?” Ellie reminded you with a hard look on her face. You jumped off Gemini, and decided to tie him to an old bike post. “What are you doing?” She asked with a frown.

You pulled out your handgun from your holster, checking to see how much bullets you had in the clip before looking at her. “We have to clear this place, we are on patrol.”

“This isn’t the checkpoint, what are Danny and Axel gonna think when we don’t show up on time?”

“Then we should deal with this quickly. Come on,” You urged, walking towards the broken window and jumped in without hesitation. Ellie quickly followed behind you, trying to catch up.

You get pretty impatient when it comes to clearing areas. She’s not sure where it came from. You were more hostile around infected- with good reason too but it was to the point you would jump in even if it killed you. That’s how bad it was.

From where she was she could see you silently bringing down one of the runners. There was three clickers strolling around the registers while there was some more runners strolling the isles. 7 infected in total- well now six.

She followed your lead, and decided to take down some of the runners quietly. It was much easier than showering them with bullets that you needed. But just in case, you kept your gun close.

After a couple of minutes, you two finished and decided to look around in hopes of finding something good. Which was rare, but it was still worth a shot. You body lead you to the back of the store where a door caught your attention. With your left hand you attempted to open the door but of course it was locked.

“Come on, let’s get going now.” Ellie walked up to you, watching you as you kept your attention on the door. You looked up, finding the entrance of the vent open. Bingo.

“Ellie, give me a boost.” Ellie raised her eyebrows at you, and it seemed like all she wanted to do was leave. First, Ellie promised Joel she wouldn’t take the longer routes and that she would start off with groups patrols but here she is, doing the longer routes and doing paired patrols instead. She just hopes that Joel doesn’t find out. “I’ll just check in there and then we can leave. I promise.” You reasoned, giving her a convincing smile.

She sighed, and nodded. She couldn’t say no to you. She leaned against the wall, and got in position to give you a boost. With one foot you stepped into her hand and she hoisted you up. You climed straight into the vent and crawled into the locked room. The room was bigger than you expected. You thought it was a janitors room but it was actually an office. It was nicely put together for a room that has been locked for what you assumed was years. You were about to walk closer towards the large desk when you heard something, but the banging on the door distracted you.

“Y/n! Open the door already!”

You sighed, and moved towards the door. Just as you were about to unlock it, an ear piercing scream sent you into panic but you weren’t fast enough to react to the stalker who had grabbed you from behind. You were so close to its mouth that you could hear it’s teeth chattering in anticipation.

You struggled against its hold, trying everything in your power to get it the fuck off you because god, this thing was disgusting. “Get the fuck off of me!” You grunted, continuing to fight off against the thing but you don’t remember where you put your knife. You were barely holding the stalker back, but you grip on its neck was the only thing keeping you alive at the moment.

Two gunshot rang out, and the stalker dropped behind you. You fell to the ground, feeling the sick to your stomach. “Y/n! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Are you bitten!?” Ellie jumped down from the same vent that you came through, and kneeled down to you. She grabbed your face and continued to check for bites- or any signs of injuries.

You couldn’t look her in the eyes. “Shit.” You closed your eyes. “I’m loosing my shit.”

“Come on, let’s get the fuck out of here.” She grabbed your hand and pulled you up from the ground. She unlocked the door and lead you outside where the horses were waiting for you. Almost as sensing something was wrong, Gemini leaned into you once you were close enough.

“Hey, buddy. I’m okay.”

Ellie decided to let go of your hand. Your skin was warm and somehow she was comforted by that. But then she remembers that it probably meant more to her than it did to you. It always did.

She could never read you.

“What took you two so long?” Axel asked once you two made it to the dam. You two walked into the building, and straight to the watchtower. Ellie went straight to the couch while you walked towards the notebook and decided to report what had happened.

“Infected, we were clearing the an area and lost track of time.” You explained briskly. Axel nodded, noticing something was off but decided to say anything. Danny and Axel left after packing up.

You looked over at Ellie who was lounging around on the couch that was in another section of the room. She was writing something in her journal. You were curious as to what she was writing. “Watcha writing there, El?”

She didn’t look up and just continued to write. But she was smirking. “Only writing that i had to save your ass… Again.”

You groaned, hearing her laughing from her spot. “Watch it, William. I swear i’ll haunt you from beyond the grave.”

“You’ll never get the chance because i’ll always be there to save your ass.”

You rolled your eyes playfully. “Oh, yay. My own personal prince charming. What’s next, saving me from an evil queen who placed a curse on me?”

“We’ll, it’s on my list.” She joked, finally finishing up whatever she was writing in her journal. She closed her journal and hides it back into her backpack. You decided to look into the other room, you were looking for something specific. After some scavenging you finally found it. A bong.

“Hey, El! Guess what i found!” You yelled from the other room. You looked at the beautiful glass piece in-front of you.

“Please tell me you won the lottery, i would kill for a cruise ticket!”

“Funny,” You walked into the room Ellie was in, and presented the bong to her. Ellie’s eyes widen.

“How’s you know that was here?”

“There’s always at least one at each checkpoint.” You replied swiftly, giving her a grin. “ Eugene is a very chartable man.”

“We shouldn’t. Plus, we don’t have- wait, do you have some on you?”

You reached into your bag and pulled out a small bag of bud. You smirked and tossed her the bag. “As i said, Eugene is very charitable.”

Ellie was awestruck. “Jesus, y/n. Since when did you become a pothead?”

You hummed. “That’s a really good question- i’m not going to answer though.”

“Aw come on! I literally tell you everything.” Ellie slightly pouting at the fact that you were withholding information from her.

“Come talk to me when you’re 18.” You responded with a smirk on you’re face.

She rolled her eyes and smiled. “Quit being a dick. You turned 18 a couple of months ago and don’t know how to act.”

“Shut up,” You walked over to her and sat on the opposite side of the same couch as her. You pulled out your bottle of water. “So, inside or outside?”

“Outside, obviously. Only one bowl, deal?”

“Deal.”

After many hours of waiting, you and Ellie were finally replaced at the dam checkpoint, so you two finished running your routes while riding back to Jackson. It started out rough but at the end of your shift you were feeling better. You had made it through the gates in one piece thanks to Ellie- and she made sure you didn’t forget it.

As soon as you made it to the stables you let out a relieved sigh. You started to stretch out your limbs. “It feels so good being back.” You let out a yawn, after you jumped off of Gemini. Ellie followed after you and stepped off of Shimmer. She grabbed Shimmer’s reins and held out her other hand towards you. You were confused on why she was doing that. “Uh… Is this one of your weird ways of telling me i’m awesome?”

“Psh, you wish. Give me his reins. I’ll bring him in.”

“You sure?” She nodded without any hesitation, so you handed her Gemini’s reins. “I’ll wait for you outside, maybe today’s the day we finish the flood arc.”

Ellie looked just as excited as you- maybe even more. “I’ll hold you to that.” She grinned, which made your heart beat faster. You turned on your heels and waited right outside the stables for her. You shouldn’t get too excited. She’s you’re best friend, your best friend who has a girlfriend. She doesn’t like me back. She doesn’t.

You felt like you were being watched so you looked around, finally finding as Cat walking over to you. She was taller than you and way more intimidating. “Uh, hey?”

She looked unimpressed. “Hey? That’s all you have to say after everything you’ve been doing?”

“Woah! What the hell are you talking about?” You had no idea what she was talking about. You didn’t do anything wrong, at least you don’t think you did. You wouldn’t do anything intentionally.

“Don’t pull that crap. I know you have feelings for Ellie.” She had said it a little too loud, and that’s what made you uncomfortable. You hated how open she was about everything- not everyone can be like that. It was one of the things you envied and hated about her.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, Cat. Remember… before anything that Ellie is my best friend. So whatever the hell you think happened- didn’t!”

She scoffed, laughing bitterly. “Right. You expect me to believe that when you’re making Googly eyes at her all the time?”

“Cat! This isn’t the time or place to be talking about this. I’m serious.”

“Fine. Just admit that you have feelings for her and i’ll leave you alone.”

You scoffed, crossing your arms in an attempt to protect yourself from her glaring eyes. “Yeah, right. So you can kick my ass when you hear something you don’t want to hear? Why can’t you understand that what i’m feeling is one sided and that Ellie literally loves you! God, Cat. Couldn’t you have realized that instead of cornering me like this? I cant lie to you.”

“Y/n.”

You immediately recognized the voice, and you felt sick once again. You slowly turned around to face the girl who had been the cause for this altercation. She knows.

“Ellie…”

#ellie williams x reader #ellie x reader #ellie williams #tlou2 ellie #dina tlou #jesse tlou #cat tlou2 #the last of us part two #maria tlou #tommy tlou #joel miller #tlou2

112 notes · View notes