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bevioletskies · 3 years

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(i’m caught between) goodbye and i love you

summary: Sometimes, Klavier thinks a little too much about how he never knew the last time he saw Apollo was going to be the last time he saw Apollo. So, when Apollo finally returns home from Khura’in, Klavier finds himself stuck, unsure of when to finally tell Apollo how he feels - especially when it seems like Apollo isn’t quite ready to confess, either.

word count: 16.9k | read on ao3

a/n: For @klapollo-week, day seven of seven (prompt: "catharsis"). All seven of my fics take place in the same continuity! However, each can be read as a stand-alone, with the exception of day seven being a sequel to day five.

Mild spoiler warning for Spirit of Justice; warning for brief mentions of alcohol and one scene where a character has a panic attack. Fic title is from the song (I'm Caught Between) Goodbye And I Love You by the Carpenters.

“What do you think, Gavin, which do you - hey, Gavin? Are you listening?”

Klavier startled at the sound of Apollo’s voice, too lost in his own thoughts to realize someone had been talking to him. He looked over at Apollo, who was standing underneath one of the courthouse’s most prolific picture windows, practically glowing in the early afternoon sun. Klavier’s breath hitched at the sight. “Ah - my apologies, Herr Forehead, I didn’t catch that. What were you saying?”

“Ema said we should all do something that doesn’t involve murder for once.” Apollo looked up from his phone, wincing. “Er, that is, something that doesn’t involve solving a murder for once. She suggested drinks, though Kay apparently prefers laser tag. As if I don't get enough bumps and bruises from helping Trucy out on weekends.”

“Ah, the life of a magician’s brother,” Klavier teased, smiling easily. “But, wait - do you mean to say Fräulein Detective actually wants to hang out with me? Or are you inviting me? Either way, I find it hard to believe.”

“No one’s more surprised than me,” Apollo drawled. “But seriously, Ema says Kay is making her ask you through me, ‘cos that totally makes sense. Anyway, drinks or laser tag? Or, y’know, both? They’re thinking this weekend since they’re going to some forensics convention next weekend. Did not know those existed. Do you think they give out swag bags full of fingerprint powder?”

“I would advise against it if they did,” Klavier said, chuckling. He then slipped his hands into his pockets, shooting Apollo an apologetic grimace. “Sorry, Forehead, you’ll have to have a good time without me. I have a dentist appointment, some meetings...you know how it is. Maybe next time, ja?”

“Sure, I’ll let you know whenever that is,” Apollo replied with a nonchalant shrug; he sent a quick text, presumably to Ema, then pocketed his phone. “Anyway, I should go find Mr. Wright and head back to the agency. So, uh...see you when I see you, I guess.”

“Auf Wiedersehen, baby,” Klavier said, winking. Apollo rolled his eyes, turning on his heel and striding away, waving Klavier off over his shoulder. “Don’t have too good a time without me, though, ja?” Apollo’s wave instantly turned into a middle finger.

Barely two weeks later, Klavier found himself replaying the rather mundane conversation in his head over and over again as he walked into his superior’s office, his hands shoved into his pockets to hide how hard they were shaking. “Willkommen zurück, Herr Edgeworth. How was your flight? Smooth, I hope.”

“Smoother than what conspired in Khura’in, to be sure,” Edgeworth replied, neatly setting his teacup down in its saucer. “Don’t worry, Prosecutor Gavin, I’m still getting everything in order. I doubt you’ll have much work to do today, bar any last-minute cases coming in.”

“Danke, sir, good to know.” Klavier glanced briefly in the direction of Edgeworth’s custom chessboard, his red knights and blue pawns, just so he wouldn’t have to look at its owner’s steely gaze. “So, er - ”

“Out with it, Prosecutor Gavin,” Edgeworth said, sighing wearily. “I can tell you have something on your mind. I’m afraid I can’t give you the exact details of what happened, if that’s what you’re looking for.”

“Ah - ja, I know, I - I was just wondering if…” Klavier hesitated. “...if everyone is...okay. Safe and sound, so to speak.”

Edgeworth’s face softened. “Yes, everyone’s perfectly fine. Wright, Ms. Fey, Ms. Cykes, and Trucy are all fine.”

Klavier blinked. “Wait, but - what about Herr Fore - Herr Justice? What...did he…”

“I should have known that was who you were really curious about,” Edgeworth said knowingly, looking at Klavier over the tops of his glasses. His expression, gentle, almost sympathetic, made Klavier’s stomach churn. “Mr. Justice decided to stay behind in Khura’in indefinitely. He’s looking to help rebuild their legal system from the ground up.”

Klavier felt as if his heart had dropped right through to the floor. “He’s...he’s not coming back?” He could barely hear the sound of his own voice over the rush of his pulse pounding in his ears.

“Eventually, perhaps, but not anytime soon,” Edgeworth replied. “My apologies, Prosecutor Gavin. I know you two were…”

“Close?” Klavier let out a bitter, hollow laugh. “Nein, not at all. We were barely even friends.”

Edgeworth straightened up in his seat, and then, to Klavier’s astonishment, removed his glasses. It was unnerving to see such warmth in his superior’s eyes, especially when he knew Edgeworth didn’t think much of him in the first place. Not after what had happened all those years ago, even though it hadn’t really been him. “Let me amend my previous statement, then. I know you two had a...connection of sorts.”

“Ja, through...through someone I’d rather not talk about.” Klavier cleared his throat. “Danke for letting me know, Herr Edgeworth. It’s...good to see Herr Justice making something of himself.”

“He's definitely an admirable young man,” Edgeworth replied, nodding slowly. “I can see why Wright took a liking to him. I can see why you took a liking to him.”

“Ah, well,” Klavier said, coughing again. “Anyway, I should leave you to it, sir. Have a good rest of your day, ja? I’ll be in my office if anything comes up.”

“Of course.” Edgeworth neatly slid his glasses back on, then turned his attention to his work laptop. “Take care, Prosecutor Gavin.” Nodding at the dismissal, Klavier bowed his head and left Edgeworth’s office, his footsteps noticeably heavier than they’d been when he first entered it. He took a few heaving breaths, then shut himself in his own office and let out a small, silent sob.

_____

“I see you’re moping again, Gavin-dono. Must be a day that ends in ‘y’.”

“Bitte, Herr Blackquill, I’m perfectly fine,” Klavier said, clutching his mug of tea a little tighter than necessary. “My trial yesterday? Perfekt. The weather during my morning run earlier today? Perfekt. The leftovers I brought for lunch today? Perfekt, so long as Herr Payne doesn’t break the microwave again before I get there...I don’t know how he manages to do that on a weekly basis. Anyway, as you can see, I’ve never been better.”

“What a sad testament to your mental state if that were true.” Simon dropped into the seat opposite him, his hands resting on top of the breakroom table, his intense gaze focused on Klavier’s face. Klavier didn’t find him as intimidating as everyone else did, especially not after he’d witnessed Simon sing a drunken duet with Kay, entirely unprompted, at an office holiday party. No amount of threats or glares could get Klavier to delete the video evidence off his backup hard drive. “Luckily for you, it’s entirely false. You’ve been acting strangely for weeks now, and I know the reason why.”

“Do you really?” Klavier sipped his tea. “I thought you didn’t, quote-unquote, ‘care to stick your nose in my absurd affairs’. After all, I’m the silly one of the prosecutor’s office, am I not?” Simon cocked his head slightly, perplexed. “Ah, that Prosecutor Gavin, what an odd one he is. All style and no substance, always speaking in that accent that no one believes is real, always spouting nonsense and song lyrics and little else.”

“Self-hatred doesn’t suit you, so I suggest you cease this pitiful act at once,” Simon said, frowning. “You’re a confident man, Gavin-dono. I’d even say your confidence is fully justified, foppish nature aside. And yet, here you are, torn up over Justice-dono’s absence like a heartbroken teenager.”

“I am not torn up,” Klavier sniffed, setting his mug down with a sharp clunk. “I’m happy to hear that Herr Forehead has found his true calling. A far cry from the loud, nervous rookie he was when we first met. Now, he’s just loud.”

“...hmph. Yes, that piercing voice of his certainly rivals Taka’s,” Simon replied, taking a moment to scratch the underside of his bird’s chin. Klavier didn’t like the way Taka was eyeing his hair; he suspected Taka was fighting against his instincts to make a nest.

“Maybe still a little nervous.” Klavier paused. “I imagine seeing him stand in a Khura’inese court must be quite...something.”

“I didn’t sit here with the intention of listening to you dance around your romantic feelings towards Justice-dono, you know,” Simon informed him. “It’s exhausting and pointless, and a waste of my time.”

Klavier averted his eyes from Simon’s face, finding himself oddly fascinated with a water stain on the opposite wall, right beside the notice board. “Why did you sit here, then?”

“Because...I know a lonely person when I see one.” Simon let the silence linger for a moment; Klavier wasn’t sure which of them favored dramatic pauses more. “Even Athena told me you seemed...not yourself. Though you’ve been performing your prosecutorial duties just fine, she said you were distant...distracted. Is it the lack of companionship, perhaps?”

“You and Herr Edgeworth seem to be under the impression that Forehead and I were friends,” Klavier said evenly, his tone growing increasingly irritated. “The truth is, Herr Blackquill - since you seem unusually interested for someone who barely says two words to me most mornings - that Apollo was my friend, but I wasn’t his. Is that what you wanted to hear? Has your analysis of my psyche scratched your itch?”

Like Edgeworth, Simon’s face almost seemed to soften. “I had no desire to rile you up, but...I see that I’ve done it, anyway. I see that I’ve overstepped. Forgive me, Gavin-dono.” Klavier looked up at him, stunned. Simon merely stood, smoothing out the front of his coat. Even Taka’s expression seemed apologetic. “Find someone to talk to, if you haven’t already; it will do you a world of good. I heard many a story from my fellow prisoners by simply offering to lend an ear. I think you’d find the process of opening up to be quite...illuminating. Freeing, even.”

“I’m sure I would.” Klavier took another sip and said nothing else.

_____

“Mr. Gavin! I thought I saw you in the audience, but I couldn’t believe it!”

Laughing, Klavier held out the bouquet of red roses in his arms for her to take. “Alles Gute zum Geburtstag, fräulein, what a perfect way to celebrate your eighteenth. You were as magical as ever, though who would ever expect any less?”

Beaming, Trucy accepted his flowers, then practically launched herself right at him, wrapping her arms around his waist. He barely managed to catch her in time. “Thank you so much! Ah, these are so beautiful - and they smell great, too!” She stepped back, taking a generous whiff before exhaling happily. “Hey, do you wanna drop by my dressing room for a sec? I have to go sign autographs and stuff, but I’m sure Athena would love to say hi!”

“Sure,” Klavier agreed. “Lead the way.” He followed Trucy down the backstage corridor, coming to a stop in front of a door with a gold nameplate in the shape of a silk top hat. Klavier involuntarily shuddered; the Gramarye seal had always been a sore spot for him, no matter how many good memories outweighed the bad. Trucy opened the door, revealing that it wasn’t just Athena who was waiting inside, but a whole group of people - Athena, the two Fey women whose names Klavier vaguely remembered from Trucy’s stories, Detective Gumshoe, and an odd, almost sad-looking girl wearing a traditional costume. However, Klavier’s eyes went straight to the two people conversing by Trucy’s dressing table - Phoenix Wright and Vera Misham.

Phoenix turned at the sound of the door opening. His eyes widened slightly when he saw who it was. “This is becoming a real party now, hey, Truce?” he teased, lightly ruffling his daughter’s hair. Trucy stuck her tongue out at him, then went to carefully place Klavier’s flowers among the dozens of others by her costume rack. Phoenix’s expression tightened somewhat. “Prosecutor Gavin, it’s - it’s good to see you. Trucy swore she spotted you in the audience, but I guess my eyes were never as sharp as hers.”

“I know her party is tomorrow, but I wouldn’t dare pass up the chance to watch her birthday extravaganza,” Klavier said smoothly. He felt as if Vera’s eyes were burning holes in the side of his face.

“So you’re Prosecutor Gavin, huh?” The older Fey woman - Maya, if Klavier remembered correctly - sidled right up to him with a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Trucy and Athena have told me all about you. I hear you’re different from the other prosecutors me and Nick had to deal with back in the day!”

The door opened behind Klavier. “Are you talking about us, Maya Fey?” He turned on his heel to see Edgeworth and Franziska von Karma standing in the doorway, both impeccably dressed as always, carrying identical bouquets of white lilies and blue delphinium in their arms.

“Auntie Franzy!” Trucy shrieked, barreling across the room to toss herself into Franziska’s arms, much like she had done to Klavier just moments ago. “Daddy said you weren’t gonna fly in until tomorrow!”

“And miss your performance? I would be a foolishly foolish fool if I did,” Franziska huffed, kissing Trucy on the cheek. “You will receive the rest of our presents tomorrow. I hear your fool of a father refuses to let you wear makeup despite the fact that you’d like to, and I am here to rectify that parenting mistake. You’re eighteen now, after all; you should be able to do as you please.”

“Within reason,” Edgeworth added, shooting Franziska a withering look. “Don’t encourage her too much, Franziska. I think we're all too familiar with Trucy’s...imagination.”

“Miles Edgeworth, how dare you question my - ”

Klavier quickly retreated into a corner of the dressing room as everyone’s voices grew louder and louder; clearly, his presence had been completely forgotten. He spotted the younger Fey woman, Pearl, conversing with the sad-looking girl - Jinxie, he heard her name was - while Maya and Detective Gumshoe chatted happily with Edgeworth and Franziska. Trucy had left to sign autographs for her fans, leaving Phoenix to turn back to Vera, who was still eyeing Klavier warily.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Klavier startled suddenly at the sound of Athena’s voice. He turned to see her perched on the vanity, legs swinging over the edge, smiling at him encouragingly. “You seem a little lost, Prosecutor Gavin. Everything okay?”

Sighing, Klavier leaned against the wall, glancing down at the toes of his Doc Martens. “Don’t tell me Herr Blackquill asked you to keep an eye on me.”

“Hardly!” Athena exclaimed; she almost seemed offended by his insinuation. “You just seem a little...quiet, that’s all.”

“Well…” Klavier looked back up, shooting her a stilted smile. “Everyone here is either someone I don’t know, someone I work with, or someone whose life I ruined. Forgive me for feeling a little...cornered.”

“C’mon, you didn’t ruin their lives,” Athena said, hopping down so she could lightly punch him in the arm. “I heard the whole story from Apollo ages ago, and he says it wasn’t you. He says you were just a…a schachfigur in someone else’s game.”

“A pawn, in other words.” Klavier chuckled despite himself. “Ja, if you want to be generous about it...or if you want to say that I’m easily swayed. Did Herr Forehead really say that?”

“He sure did! He talks about you all the time,” Athena added with an enthusiastic nod. “I mean, you annoy him - a lot - but he’s always mentioning how decent and honest you are. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think, well...nah, probably not.”

“Probably not,” Klavier echoed, trying his best to ignore his racing heart. The last thing he wanted to do was have hope. “Anyway, I don’t think I’ll be sticking around much longer. Don’t want to get in the way.”

“Huh? You’re not getting in the way of anything!” Athena protested. “Are you sure you won’t stay?”

Klavier shook his head, pushing himself off the wall and straightening up, smoothing out the creases in his hoodie. “Nein, I should make an early night of it. I have to meet my personal trainer bright and early, after all. But I’ll see you at Trucy’s party tomorrow, ja?”

Athena hesitated. “Ja, of course,” she chirped, plastering on an uncertain smile. “And hey, if you ever need a running partner, you have my number!”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Klavier promised, surprising himself by how true that was. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone running with someone who wasn’t his personal trainer. “Gute Nacht, fräulein.”

“G’night,” Athena said, squeezing his shoulder before letting him go. Nodding, Klavier deftly weaved his way through the crowded dressing room and slipped out the door. A few heads turned his way, but no one seemed interested in saying their goodbyes, nor was he all that interested in offering his own, either. The moment he stepped into the corridor, he heard a startled gasp, a choked breath, that almost made him jump.

“Ach - my apologies, I didn’t mean to - Trucy?”

Leaning against the wall opposite her dressing room door was Trucy, her eyes wide and suspiciously wet. “Oh - Mr. Gavin, d-don’t tell me you’re leaving already!”

“I have a session with my - are you alright, fräulein?” Klavier asked, closing the door behind him, then approaching her slowly, carefully. “You look…”

“ - like I’ve been crying?” Trucy let out a wet laugh, pulling a tissue out of nowhere and hastily wiping her eyes. “Don’t you cry after a big performance, Mr. Gavin? You know, that rush of adrenaline, that boost of energy, that feeling of relief - it’s all a part of being a performer! Especially on a stage as big as this!”

“Natürlich, I’ve absolutely wept tears of joy after a gut show. But this?” Klavier gestured in her direction. “This...it’s something else, isn’t it?”

“I - it’s just…” Trucy sniffled. “You won’t tell anyone, right?”

“Not if you don’t want me to,” Klavier said softly. “Though maybe Herr Wright should hear this another time, too.”

“I don’t wanna bother Daddy,” Trucy said, shaking her head. “Besides, I...I don’t wanna make him feel bad!”

“Bad?” Klavier repeated, confused. “What do you mean?”

Trucy took a moment to blow her nose. Then, she managed a small smile in Klavier’s direction. “It’s stupid, but...when I was in there earlier, and I-I saw all of my friends and family together, I started thinking about...you know. The rest of my family. All of the Gramaryes, all gone.” She sniffled noisily again. “Mommy and Daddy and Grandpa, they - th-they never got to see me grow up. And Uncle Valant, he’s still in prison, a-and - so now it’s just me. Just me. I have to carry on the family legacy, but no one’s here to teach me how!”

Klavier’s eyes widened in shock. “Trucy…”

“But if I tell Daddy - Phoenix, I mean - that I’ve been thinking about Mommy and Daddy, he’s gonna...I just can’t,” Trucy continued, shaking her head vehemently. “If he finds out, he’s gonna feel like...like he failed me. And he didn’t, not one bit, but - when I first started living with him, he said he felt like that all the time. Like he was doing it all wrong.” She swallowed, but her throat seemed to be stuck. “And...I’ve, um, I’ve been thinking about Apollo, too.”

“You were?” Klavier asked, his mouth twisting. “Why?”

“I know I’ve only known him for a few years, but...it feels like I’ve known him forever. Like we were always meant to be best friends, you know?” Trucy was now fiddling with the ends of her cape, avoiding Klavier’s eyes. “It’s my birthday, a-and he’s not here. He called yesterday to say he wouldn’t be able to talk today, so we had a little celebration together, just the two of us. It was nice, but it just...it wasn’t the same.”

“He’ll come back eventually, ja?” Klavier said gently. “You said that was part of his plan.”

“‘Eventually’ is looking further and further away,” Trucy said with a wry smile. “But I-I know I gotta be okay with it. He’s doing really important stuff in Khura’in, after all!” She then nudged him. “You should call him sometime - he’s talked about some really cool cases that I bet you’d be interested in.”

“I doubt he’d want to hear from me, of all people, especially if he’s as busy as he sounds,” Klavier chuckled.

“I wouldn’t be so sure, Mr. Gavin,” Trucy teased, elbowing him again. “He only just told me yesterday that he misses you…‘in a weird way’. That’s practically a glowing review, coming from Polly!”

Klavier felt his heartbeat race once more. “Ah, well, then maybe I should consider it. How could I not, when I might get to hear such generous praise myself?” Trucy burst into laughter, her face finally relaxing for the first time since Klavier had approached her.

They lingered in companionable silence for a moment, hearing nothing but their own steadying breaths and the muffled sounds of what seemed like absolute chaos coming from inside Trucy’s dressing room. Klavier wasn’t sure if he wanted to know why it sounded like Franziska was lecturing at least three different people at the same time. “Thanks for hearing me out, Mr. Gavin.”

“Bitte schön, though I’m not sure if I was any help at all,” Klavier admitted.

“Of course you were!” Trucy exclaimed, straightening up. “I feel better now, honest. Just talking about all that stuff really helped, even if I’m still not exactly sure what to do.”

“Hopefully you will soon, ja?” Klavier moved away from the wall, flashing her a genuine smile. “But if you ask me, you’re already doing a wunderschön job of upholding the Gramarye name, and I’m sure if you talk to Herr Wright about how you’re feeling, he’d say the same thing. Don’t be so hard on yourself, fräulein.”

Trucy hesitated. Then, she stepped forward to hug Klavier, holding him a little tighter than last time. He automatically held her closer, too. “See you tomorrow?” she mumbled against his shoulder.

“Of course,” Klavier promised. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

_____

“How is he doing, that defense attorney of yours?”

Klavier looked up from the box he was packing. He found it almost too easy to get distracted in here, to feel a wave of nostalgia crash over him as he packed away the books and toys that once filled his childhood playroom. There were already paint swatches on the wall, a collection of wood stain samples sitting by his feet, but he wasn’t quite ready to see it transformed into something else, for the room to belong to someone other than him. “He’s not mine, Mama, he’s just a friend. And he’s fine, if a little stressed. Er, make that a lot stressed.”

“Doesn’t surprise me.” She clicked her tongue disapprovingly. “Even just hearing it secondhand, I can tell that boy needs a break.”

“I’ve told him as much,” Klavier said dryly. “We talk most days, you know. He’s just stubborn, won’t listen to anyone - least of all me.”

“If you talk most days, then he must listen to you to some degree, yes?” she pointed out, momentarily crossing the room so she could crack open a window. “How long has he been away now?”

“Almost seven months, I think,” Klavier replied, turning back to what he was doing. “Though we’ve been talking for...around three at this point. If it wasn’t for Trucy, I...I don’t think I would have ever tried. Even now, I feel like I take up too much of his time when he could be going to bed early or doing something more productive.”

“Ah, Klavier.” He looked back up to see his mother had returned to his side; her hand went to the top of his head, ruffling his hair affectionately. “Why is it so hard for you to understand when people care about you, hm? Aside from the screaming fans, I mean.”

“Mama,” Klavier complained, his cheeks heating with embarrassment. “Achtung, it’s nothing like that. All I’m saying is, we were never close to begin with. I’m sure he’d rather talk to Trucy or get his advice from Herr Wright.”

Frowning, she withdrew her hand from Klavier’s hair. “I don’t know what I would say to that man if I were to ever meet him. Where would I even begin?”

“I...ah…” Klavier busied himself with the collection of picture books he’d been rifling through earlier, smiling faintly at the sight of his name scrawled on the inside covers in barely legible chicken scratch. “...I have that same thought, and I see him all the time. I suppose an apology is in order, but...I don’t know if he would even want to hear it.”

“To think Kris ruined far more lives than just the ones he’d taken,” she whispered, slowly sinking down to sit beside him. “To think he’d taken any lives at all, I - ”

“Mama, bitte - ”

“What did we do, Klavier?” she said forlornly, her voice thick with emotion. “Where did we go wrong? What could we have - ”

“Mama, Mama, breathe,” Klavier murmured, rubbing her back soothingly. “It wasn’t your fault, ja? Not yours, not Papa’s. Just his, and...a little bit of mine.”

“Hardly,” she insisted. She then cupped his face in her hands, looking up at him with watery eyes and a bittersweet smile. “Don’t let anyone blame you for what he did, darling, especially not yourself. Promise?”

“Ich verspreche,” Klavier said obediently, tilting his chin down so she could kiss his forehead. She then released him with a satisfied nod, turning back the box she’d been working on earlier; in doing so, she missed the way Klavier’s face fell. He cleared his throat. “So...a crafting room, ja? What kind of projects did you have in mind?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” she said, humming. “I want to try a few things - cross-stitching, beadwork, paper crafting...we’ll have to see what sticks. If any of them stick.”

“You’re not retired yet, Mama,” Klavier reminded her. “I’m exhausted just listening to you and Papa talk about what you’ve been up to - I don’t know how you do it.”

“You’re exhausted? I’m exhausted just listening to what you’ve been up to,” she teased. “You’re not the only prosecutor in the district, baby, so why do you work like you are? Go out, live a little. Or stay in, I suppose, whatever you prefer.”

“I like being busy,” Klavier said defensively. “And I enjoy my work, you know that.”

“I just wish you enjoyed more than just working, that’s all,” she said, clicking her tongue disapprovingly. “You know what they say - don’t turn your hobbies into a career. But you went ahead and did that anyway, and now you don’t have any hobbies left!”

“I have plenty of hobbies, danke very much,” Klavier chuckled. “Cooking, working out...and I’m not exactly in the music business anymore, so I’d say that’s back to being a hobby, ja?”

“How about friends?” she suggested. “All I hear about is the people who work for you or the people who work with you.”

“That’s just how it goes,” Klavier said with a rueful grimace. “Making friends as an adult...it’s hard. But I mean it, mir geht's gut. You have nothing to worry about, not with me.”

“I know.” She squeezed his shoulder. “But I’m going to worry, anyway.” She then stood, smoothing out the front of her shirt. “We should probably get going with lunch before your papa gets home, yes? We’ll continue with this later.”

“Ja, Mama, natürlich,” Klavier replied, also getting to his feet. He cast one last lingering glance in the direction of the picture books - for it wasn’t just his messy, childish handwriting inside, but Kristoph’s neat cursive as well - before following her out into the hallway.

_____

Time, Klavier mused to himself every so often, never really made sense to him. He liked being on time, of course, he liked the precision of it, especially when it came to music. He was proud of his natural affinity for rhythm, for keeping time. It was why he excelled at piano and guitar lessons at an early age, why the numerous vocal coaches he’d had in his life found him particularly easy to work with. But it always caught him off-guard whenever things seemed to speed up or slow down or even come to a complete standstill whenever they pleased. Twenty-four years of his life, changed, when he learned about his brother’s true nature. Seven years of his band, gone, when his best friend turned out to be a criminal as well. And now, an entire year that felt like five, all because Apollo wasn’t here.

“You should just ask him out already,” Ema had said to him one evening, over drinks. “I know his name is misleading, but he’s just a person, not a god. What’re you so scared of?”

“I’m not fond of wasps or small spaces,” Klavier had drawled, smirking at Ema’s infuriated scowl as he took a sip of his beer. Still, he knew she had a point. As blunt as Apollo could be, Klavier doubted he would be cruel about turning someone down. It also didn’t help that these days, he was starting to get his hopes up, now that he and Apollo talked on a daily basis. He still wasn’t sure how it had happened, aside from Trucy’s encouragement and his own impulses, but he couldn’t be more thrilled that it had.

“Two more months until I’m out of here...I think,” Apollo amended, yawning, his face filling up Klavier’s entire laptop screen. He looked good, Klavier though, even better than usual - during his time in Khura’in, Apollo had gotten more sun; his skin was a few shades darker, his freckles especially more prominent across the bridge of his nose. His hair was longer, too, mostly in the back, and his wardrobe had slowly evolved into an aesthetically pleasing mix of American street style and Khura’inese casualwear. Apollo had also mentioned a few times that he had built up some muscle, especially in his calves and shoulders, now that he had to walk everywhere and carry his fully-loaded bag wherever he went. Klavier tried not to think about how much he was looking forward to seeing it for himself in person.

“You’re sure now?” Klavier asked. “You’ve said that before.”

“Pretty sure,” Apollo said, chuckling. “Nahyuta even bought me a plane ticket, like he can’t wait for me to leave.”

“I’m sure he’ll miss you all the same,” Klavier replied. “And he’s used to flying back and forth, so I doubt you’ll be apart for long.”

“I think I’m gonna miss him, too,” Apollo admitted, tugging on the sleeves of his hoodie. It always gave Klavier a little thrill whenever he saw Apollo wearing it - after all, it was once his, having sent it to Apollo via a care package that Trucy had put together a while ago. Though their upper bodies were comparable in width, Apollo was significantly shorter, which meant the hoodie seemed to completely swallow him up. “It’s weird, looking back on it. How different we were when we were kids - like, both as people and as brothers - and yet...some things never changed. I don’t even know how to explain it, I just...I just know.”

“Something only the two of you can understand, I’m sure,” Klavier said diplomatically. He’d heard many stories about Apollo and Nahyuta’s childhood by now, sometimes accompanied by the occasional mention of Dhurke. Even now, he found it hard to picture; he wasn’t too familiar with Nahyuta, but the thought of him and Apollo chasing each other across mountainous hills or searching for frogs along the riverbanks seemed unlikely, yet it happened all the same. “You have a good relationship with him by now, I take it?”

“Definitely,” Apollo nodded. He then leaned in close to the camera, his voice dropping to an exaggerated whisper. “I’ve even grown on Rayfa, and though she'll never admit it, I think she kinda misses Mr. Wright.”

Klavier laughed. “Charmed her, have you? I’m not surprised. You can be...persuasive when you want to be.”

“You make me sound like a conman,” Apollo snorted, leaning back in his seat. “Give me a little credit, will you?”

“Ja, ja, fair enough,” Klavier said, holding his hands up in surrender. “After all, you did have a client ask you out once. Clearly, you have some natural appeal.”

“It’s happened twice, actually,” Apollo said, shuddering. “I don’t know what I did to make either of ‘em think I was remotely interested, but I shut them down fast.”

“You saved their lives,” Klavier pointed out. “It might be their...misguided way of showing their gratitude. Besides, you’re not half-bad. Some might even say you’re...attractive.”

“And the compliments just keep on rolling in.” Apollo got up from his seat, momentarily blocking the camera as he unplugged his laptop from its charger and carried it over to his bed. He sat cross-legged by his pillows, yawning and stretching luxuriously. “You really know how to make a guy feel special, Gavin.”

“If you’re fishing for praise, Forehead, you only have to ask,” Klavier teased. “Let’s see, should we talk about the impressive way that your voice cracks every so often when you shout, which is all the time? What about the fact that you only seem to own one tie in the most outlandish shade of blue I’ve ever seen? Or how, every single time, without fail, you always push on the courthouse entrance doors despite the fact that they’re clearly marked ‘pull’ - ”

“You are such a dick,” Apollo sighed, shaking his head.

“ - you managed to get food poisoning at two different events for the prosecutor’s office,” Klavier continued; if he wasn’t enjoying himself earlier, he certainly was now. “Ah, remember that time you ripped your pants at a crime scene? Good thing it was a thrift store, ja? But if you ask me, corduroy bell bottoms don’t quite suit you. You don’t have the height for flared hems.”

“...I think you’ve gone just a little off-track here,” Apollo drawled. “Take it back now, Gavin, you were s’posed to be saying nice stuff, remember? Like, tell me I’m good at my job or something.”

“You make the perfekt lawyer,” Klavier said in the most serious tone he could muster, biting his lip to stop himself from laughing. “After all, you just love to pick a fight.”

“Don’t think I won’t hang up on you,” Apollo said, yawning again as he half-flopped over onto his side, pillowing his hands beneath his cheek. For what felt like the thousandth time, Klavier found himself wishing he was in Khura’in, too.

“You say that every time, and you’ve never followed through,” Klavier reminded him. “Fine, you want a real compliment, Forehead?”

“That’s what I was asking for,” Apollo mumbled sleepily, his voice muffled.

“I think…” Klavier hesitated. “I think you might be one of my favorite people in the whole world.”

Apollo’s eyes flew open. “Huh? You...y-you really think so?”

“Would I be talking to you all the time if you weren’t?” Klavier chuckled. “How much free time do you think I have on my hands, hm?”

“Yeah, but - b-but still,” Apollo protested weakly. Klavier delighted in the way Apollo’s cheeks reddened, the way his nose scrunched up, the way his brows furrowed in an attempt to look irritated instead of embarrassed. “We only really became friends, like, uh...eight-ish months ago, so…”

“So nichts,” Klavier said derisively. “I say what I mean and I mean what I say, ja?”

Apollo shot him a drowsy smile. “Thanks, Gavin. It’s...actually kinda flattering.” He yawned yet again, curling up on top of his pillows. “Hey, I just remembered - you had your evaluation with Mr. Edgeworth just now, right? How’d that go, did you get three gold stars and an extra cookie to go with your juicebox like you wanted?”

“Call the prosecutor’s office a preschool just one time, all because Herr Debeste decided to bring Ritz crackers to the office potluck, and now you can’t let it go...and move on,” Klavier added, smirking; Apollo lifted a hand to flip him off. “It’s the usual with Herr Edgeworth, really - ‘excellent work, Prosecutor Gavin, nothing new to report’. Whenever I ask him if there’s anything more I can do, any way in which I can improve...I get nothing. It’s like he wants me out of his office as soon as possible.”

“I doubt it,” Apollo said quietly. “I know you keep saying over and over again that he blames you for what happened to Mr. Wright - but he doesn’t. Even if he did at one point, no one does anymore, alright? We know what happened, we know who it was, a-and it wasn’t you.” He propped himself up on his elbow, looking Klavier right in the eye. “Mr. Edgeworth doesn’t have suggestions for you ‘cos...you’re good at what you do. Somehow, you, Mister Euro-Rocker, are the most normal person at the prosecutor’s office. All anyone can accuse you of is, like, self-promotion, grandstanding, and wall slamming. Why do you do that, anyway?”

“I had a kickboxing phase,” Klavier said, laughing wetly. “That was surprisingly touching, Forehead, danke. Don’t we all aspire to be ‘the most normal person’ in any situation, achtung.”

“So you’re saying in some alternate universe, you would leg slam the prosecutor’s bench instead?” Apollo said dryly. “What would that even look like?”

“Gott if I know,” Klavier replied, continuing to laugh. “Anyway, should I let you go now? You look like you’re going to fall asleep at any second.”

“I’m fine.” Apollo slumped back down against his pillows, then let out an exaggerated exhale. “Though I wouldn’t, uh. I wouldn’t complain if you sang me to sleep, either.”

Klavier straightened up in his seat, surprised. “Again? I didn’t think you actually meant it last time, until it worked.”

“Your voice is, y’know...decent,” Apollo said, the corners of his mouth quirking upwards. “I have to listen to it for, like, two hours a day, after all. Going on and on about ‘ah, Herr Forehead, my bike didn’t start again’, or ‘I got a free drink at the courthouse café because the cute barista recognized me, can you believe it’ - oh, and we can’t forget the classic ‘you wouldn’t believe how terrible my hair looks today, I don’t know if I should turn my camera on’ - ”

“I take offense to that last one,” Klavier protested. “You’ve done the exact same thing to me! Remember when there was a thunderstorm - ”

“A Khura’inese thunderstorm, one of the worst the country’s ever seen, versus you having a, quote-unquote, ‘bad hair day’ ‘cos you woke up on the wrong side of the silk pillowcase. Very comparable,” Apollo drawled. “Go on, then, Gavin, give me a lullaby.”

Klavier steeled himself, taking a deep breath. Then, in the throatiest, most operatic voice he could muster, he began to sing. “Guten abend, gut nacht, mit rosen bedacht - ”

“Screw off, you - ” Apollo was doubled over, clutching at his stomach; the sound of his laugh, as cliché as it was, was music to Klavier’s ears. “Shit, I-I can’t even be mad at that one, that was on me. Okay, let’s not do a lullaby, just give me, like...something slow.”

Klavier hummed thoughtfully as he watched Apollo settle back down, drawing his duvet up over his shoulders. “Moon river, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style someday...dream maker, you heart breaker, wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way…” It didn’t take long for Apollo to fall asleep, his breath slowly evening out as he did. He looked peaceful in a way that he never did when he was awake. Smiling to himself, Klavier went to end the call. “Gute Nacht, liebe.”

_____

“For the love of everything, can you please stop bouncing your leg like that?”

“Ah - ” Klavier clamped his hand down onto his thigh, offering her a nervous smile. “My apologies, fräulein, I didn’t realize it was so cold in here. Does Herr Wright have a habit of leaving the air conditioning on? I didn’t think this office even had air conditioning, to be honest.”

Ema side-eyed him derisively; the effect was slightly ruined by the huge bouquet of roses she had sitting in her lap. They were practically tickling her chin. “...cold, right. That’s what’s going on, not the fact that we’re here to surprise Apollo on his way back from the airport.”

Klavier was very tempted to glare back. He liked to think he was an amiable person, but Ema challenged that notion every time they spoke. “Why did you decide to return early, anyway? Was Herr Sahdmadhi getting on your nerves?”

“Oh, please,” Ema snorted. “Sorry, Gavin, you’re still the problem child of the prosecutor’s office to me. No, I left early ‘cos...well, because I could. Besides, I missed this one over here.” She lightly elbowed the person on her other side, who giggled sweetly in response.

“Long-distance suuucks,” Kay agreed, dropping her head onto Ema’s shoulder and shooting her an affectionate grin. “Now that Em’s back for good, we can finally look into getting a place together!”

“Have you started yet?” Klavier asked, curious. “Because my area has a few - ”

“Um, I-I think a taxi just pulled up outside!” Klavier turned to squint through the darkness in the direction of the front window, where Juniper, Vera, and the Fey women were hidden, lifting their heads every so often to peek through the blinds. Thankfully, Vera seemed less nervous around him these days; he hated the thought of making her uncomfortable, especially when there was nothing he could do about it but wait. He’d tried approaching her on the rare occasions they were in the same room together, but more often than not, they both ended up tongue-tied. “I see Thena, and Apollo, and Trucy...oh, there’s Mr. Wright! I think Trucy made him tip the driver extra, heh.”

Klavier’s heart seemed to be in his throat as he, Ema, and Kay crouched down behind Apollo’s desk, while the others went to duck behind Phoenix’s and Athena’s desks as well. It had been so long, so long that he’d nearly forgotten some of the little things that just didn’t quite translate via phone call or video chat - how tall Apollo really was, how loud he could truly be; the way his nose scrunched up when he laughed, or how he absent-mindedly played with his bracelet more often than Klavier suspected he realized himself. He had to stop himself from letting out a hysterical laugh when he remembered how, the last time he saw Apollo in person, he’d flipped Klavier off. How appropriate, Klavier thought somewhat dazedly, shaking his head. And now -

“...huh, so I really did leave my jacket here. Guess it doesn’t matter since I never wore it, anyway. I’m more of a suit vest kinda guy, you know? So, what are we - ” The light flickered on. All at once, the agency seemed to explode with noise as everyone jumped out from behind the desks.

“SURPRISE!” Several party poppers, courtesy of Maya and Kay, went off simultaneously, which only added to the chaos.

“ - argh - what the - ?!”

“Wh-whoa, Polly, watch your head! You almost knocked over Mr. Charley!”

“Forget Charley, I-I almost twisted my ankle just now, shit - ” Apollo managed to find his footing again, half-leaning against the back of the couch to keep himself propped up while he caught his breath, his hand clasped over his presumably racing heart. Klavier could only stare at him, dumbfounded, his mouth hanging open. Ema was side-eyeing him again, but by now, he really didn’t care.

Of course, Klavier had known for a few weeks now that today was the day, but to see Apollo standing - well, somewhat collapsing - in front of him was something else entirely. Clearly, Apollo’s laptop webcam and spotty internet connection hadn’t done him justice, not the healthy glow of his skin, nor the shine of his hair. He was wearing a Khura’inese tunic and joggers with both the sleeves and pant hems rolled up, revealing just how muscular he’d become. However, what intrigued Klavier most of all was the familiar-looking hoodie in Apollo’s arms.

“Hey, stranger,” Ema said, lightly punching Apollo in the shoulder, then unceremoniously shoving the bouquet of roses into his arms despite the fact he was still holding the handle of his rolling luggage bag. He nearly dropped it on his own foot in an attempt to grab the flowers in time. “It’s weird, right? I’m still getting used to, like, mega-grocery stores and smog all over again.”

“Considering I’ve only been inside an airport, a taxi, and the agency so far, I can’t say I’ve had time to adjust, no,” Apollo said dryly. He then frowned. “Er, Ms. Fey, a-are you filming all this?”

Maya grinned almost manically over the top of her phone. “Yup! Blame Trucy and Athena - they wanted to get your reaction on camera, and ooh, you did not disappoint.”

Apollo deflated even further. “...glad I could entertain you all.” He then straightened up, approaching Juniper and Vera first to chat with them amicably while the others fell back to talk amongst themselves. Trucy sidled up next to Klavier with the brightest grin she’d had in months.

“I still can’t believe he’s finally here,” Trucy admitted. “It was starting to feel like he was never coming back, you know?”

“He looks...surprisingly refreshed for someone who’s been sitting on a plane for Gott knows how long,” Klavier chuckled, smoothing out the creases in the front of his shirt. He then shot Trucy a soft smile. “You must be thrilled.”

“Ecstatic!” Trucy chirped, nodding enthusiastically. “There are some tricks Athena just refuses to help with, but I bet Apollo wouldn’t mind if I volunteered him for the job!”

“That’s not the only reason you missed him and you know it,” Klavier said gently.

Trucy’s cheeks reddened; she shot him a sheepish smile. “...I-I may have cried at the airport. It was a total mess, ‘cos me and Athena were crying, and then Apollo started crying, and there was tears and snot everywhere, a-and Daddy got it all on tape, too. He said it was like we were trying to set the record for world’s longest hug!”

“That’s very sweet, fräulein,” Klavier murmured. “I’m sure it was quite the scene.”

“What was quite the scene?” They startled at the sound of a new voice, turning to see Apollo standing before them. The first thing Klavier couldn’t help but think, stupidly enough, was that Apollo looked taller somehow - he seemed to be holding his head higher, his chest prouder, though it also helped that he was wearing a heavy pair of brown leather boots with a thick sole. Klavier’s heart thumped pathetically in his chest at the sight of Apollo’s warm, curious eyes, now fixed on his face in confusion.

“Your reunion, or so I hear,” Klavier said smoothly, taking a few steps closer. His eyes flickered down to Apollo’s arms, half-folded in front of his torso; he was still holding onto the hoodie. “And I see I’ve done a good job of keeping you warm while you were away, Herr Forehead.” He sensed Trucy, Ema, and Kay exchanging bewildered glances behind him.

“Don’t flatter yourself, I got some pretty nice handmade blankets in Khura’in,” Apollo chuckled, lifting a hand to run his fingers through his unstyled hair. Klavier was more used to seeing it without gel than with it at this point, given how most of their video calls had taken place during Apollo’s evenings. “But, uh...thanks. You sure you don’t want it back?”

“Ah, nein, it’s all yours now,” Klavier replied. “But if you’re in need of more clothes that aren’t from the children’s section, I’d be more than happy to provide.”

Apollo snorted, shaking his head. “You’re such a dick.” Then, to just about everyone’s surprise, he took the last few steps to close the gap between them and wrapped his arms around Klavier, burying his face against Klavier’s shoulder with a contented sigh. “...it’s good to see you, Gavin.”

Klavier stood still for a moment, stunned, before returning the hug, holding him tighter than either of them expected, resting his chin on top of Apollo’s head. He smelled faintly of fruit and dirt and sweat, though Klavier didn’t mind one bit. “Ich habe dich vermisst,” he mumbled into Apollo’s hair, letting out a relieved exhale. “I’m glad you’re back.”

A little over an hour later, their rather large group of people - made even larger with the addition of Edgeworth and Simon, who had been held up in a work incident that, from the sound of it, was entirely Payne’s fault - found themselves at an all-you-can-eat sushi restaurant, arguing over whether to order more salmon or more unagi while they drank beer, or in Trucy and Pearl’s case, soda. Their table was crowded, to be sure, and it was definitely the loudest in the entire restaurant, but with Edgeworth footing the bill, insisting no expense be spared, their servers didn’t seem to mind too much.

“God, you’re obvious.” Klavier turned to see Ema pointing her chopsticks at him rather threateningly. “Y’know, if you wanted to sit with Apollo, you should’ve just said so instead of sitting here and staring at him like a pining Austen heroine.”

“You really should be careful with those,” Klavier commented, gently pushing her hand away. “And it’s fine, he obviously wants to sit with Trucy and Athena. We have time to chat later, ja?”

Sighing, Ema turned back to her plate, stuffing a piece of tamago into her mouth in the most irritated manner Klavier had ever seen someone eat. “I don’t even know why I’m bothering,” she said, taking a generous gulp of her beer. “Look, Gavin, I - you know I was there, on the other end of things. I saw how...how happy he looked after your phone calls, whenever you sent him a text...all I’m saying is, sitting around and doing nothing like you did before? You really think that’s gonna work?”

“The last thing he needs is for me to bother him while he’s still settling in,” Klavier said diplomatically. “Like I said, we’ll have time to talk...later. Let him breathe, bitte. He literally just got here.”

Ema’s mouth twisted. “I really don’t get you sometimes.” She seemed to be talking more to herself than to Klavier now. “Like, I’m trying to imagine some world in which I don’t tell Kay how I feel about her, and...I can’t do it. It’s physically, emotionally, scientifically impossible. My entire life would be different, you know?”

“With you and Kay, you knew the feeling was mutual from the start, ja?” Klavier glanced across the table, where Apollo was cracking up over some joke Athena had just told. “As for me...I still can’t be sure. Even with what you just said, it’s no guarantee. And I think, for the time being, we’re...we’re glücklich this way. We’re friends. Close friends, even.”

“He talked to you more than everyone else combined,” Ema reminded him. “I only managed to talk to Kay maybe twice a week if we were lucky.” Kay leaned around Ema to nod affirmatively in Klavier’s direction, a stray udon noodle hanging from her mouth. “But whatever, I’m really only telling you for Apollo’s sake. If this was just about you, I guarantee I wouldn’t care.”

“Sure, fräulein, whatever you say,” Klavier chuckled. “So, you were saying something earlier about apartments - ”

“Hey, Gavin.” Once again, Klavier nearly gave himself whiplash at the sound of Apollo’s voice; he wasn’t sure when Apollo had gotten out of his seat and come to their side of the table, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. “Sorry to interrupt, it’s just - can I talk to you for a sec? Outside, maybe?”

“Er - ja, sure.” Klavier shot Ema an apologetic smile, though she’d already gone back to stealing pieces of ginger off of Kay’s plate. He then followed Apollo through the restaurant and out the front door, the two of them coming to a stop on the sidewalk. “What’s this all about, then?”

“Nothing, I just - I needed some air,” Apollo admitted, taking a generous deep breath. “Don’t get me wrong, I-I’m glad to see everyone again, but it’s a little...crowded back there. And loud.”

“Very true,” Klavier agreed, leaning against the exterior wall. “So...I’m surprised you’re still standing. Aren’t you exhausted?”

“Ridiculously so,” Apollo chuckled. “I’m sure I’ll crash in like, a few hours. Mr. Wright’s couch could be a literal rock, and I’ll still be out cold for the next...I dunno, week? Month?”

“You mentioned something about getting an apartment in your old building, ja?” Klavier mused. “When’s that happening?”

“I move in next week...if I’m awake by then, that is,” Apollo added dryly. He then smirked. “You offering to help, Gavin?”

Klavier leaned in close, his own teasing smile playing on his lips. “If you want me, just let me know, Herr Forehead.” He couldn’t help but feel a little thrill go through him when Apollo’s pupils darkened considerably in response.

“I’ll, uh...I’ll keep that in mind,” Apollo replied, chewing his bottom lip thoughtfully. Klavier found himself momentarily distracted by the motion. “Hey, uh - what were you and Ema talking about before I cut in?”

Klavier paused for a little longer than he would've liked. “I...was asking her about her plans to find a new place with Kay. To be honest, I’m surprised it’s only happening now. They’ve been together for years, after all.”

“True, but...if it works for them, I guess,” Apollo shrugged. “Did you guys ever get around to playing laser tag?”

Klavier blinked. “Entschuldigung?”

“Before we left, remember?” Apollo said, biting back a laugh. “Ema told me to ask you if you wanted to do drinks or laser tag, so did you and Kay...y’know, hang out without us? Or have you been waiting for us to get back?”

“Ah, that,” Klavier said, laughing as well. “Nein, we never did get around to it, though we’ve had the occasional drink together. Remember that story I told you a few months ago, the one where she - ”

“ - where she got kicked out of the bar ‘cos she accidentally gave them a fake ID she’d been holding onto as evidence, yeah,” Apollo snorted, shaking his head. “Sounds like something that could literally happen to any of us.” He straightened up, taking a couple of steps back so he could clear his throat. “Anyway, we should hang out after I recover from my inevitable jetlag. Like, the four of us, I mean.”

“Er - right, ja, the four of us,” Klavier nodded, faltering slightly. Apollo looked at him questioningly but didn’t say anything, instead turning his gaze towards the street for a moment, watching the cars and the occasional motorcycle go by. Klavier supposed he was still getting used to all the noise again, or rather, the different kinds of noise. He’d heard the evening sounds of Khura’in through the phone many times, especially when Apollo went for a late-night walk and “brought” Klavier with him for company. It had been relatively peaceful, serene, in a way that California was decidedly not. “Apollo, I...do you want to…maybe we could...”

“Yeah?” Apollo looked up at him, a gentle smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Klavier coughed. “...never mind. Maybe another time, when you’re not so tired, ja?”

“Oh.” Apollo frowned slightly. “Uh, sure.” He then brightened, gently nudging Klavier’s arm. “Hey, but maybe we can make a thing out of my move-in day, make it a casual housewarming hangout or whatever. You interested?”

“Always,” Klavier said softly, nudging him back. Grinning, Apollo wordlessly beckoned for Klavier to follow him back inside, back to their table. He didn’t need to glance in Ema’s direction to know she looked as disappointed in him as he felt.

_____

“Ach, Klavier. You’re pouting more than your cousin Ingrid, and she’s barely seven years old.”

Klavier looked up from his glass to shoot his father an apologetic grimace. “Sorry, Papa. It’s just - the timing is unfortunate, you know? Er, not that I don’t want to be here. Anja and her new bride look wunderschön, and it’s been so long since we’ve had a wedding in the family - ”

“Now you sound like your Uncle Oskar,” his father chuckled, clapping Klavier good-naturedly on the shoulder. The two of them were standing in what looked and felt like a fairytale, in a sea of blossoming flowers and sparkling lights on a beautiful, crisp Saturday morning. In the distance, Klavier could see his cousin - or was she a second cousin, or a cousin once removed, he could never remember - and her wife posing for their wedding photographer by the park gazebo, while everyone else not-so-patiently waited to be called over for group photographs. All of the younger ones were especially moody, especially the aforementioned Ingrid, who had fallen and scraped her knee mere minutes before the ceremony. The poor girl had refused to let anyone put a bandaid on her, electing to sulk in silent solitude on a park bench instead. “I know you wanted to be with your friends today, but...there will be other days, yes?”

“Ja, ja, ich weiß,” Klavier replied. “Today is Apollo’s little housewarming get-together, it would've been nice to be there. But still, I wouldn’t miss Anja’s wedding for the world.” He then swallowed, glancing down at his feet. “That is, that’s how I felt before we got here. But achtung, now I feel like a caged animal. After all this time, do they really think - ”

“Not one person here thinks you’re going the same way,” his father interjected sharply, his eyes fierce behind his wire-rimmed glasses. “You’re not him. You’re not. But their stares...unfortunately, I don’t think it can be helped.”

“The questions were so simple before,” Klavier muttered. “Remember when I came back for a couple of weeks, between legs of the Gavinners’ European tour, for cousin Leo’s wedding? All anyone wanted to know was - ‘ah, Klavier, how is your band doing? Are you still a prosecutor? When are you getting married?’. And now it’s - it’s ‘what’s going to happen to him now?’ and ‘what exactly is this dark age of the law everyone’s been talking about?’ and ‘did you know the whole time?’. It’s endless, ach.”

“Klavier - ”

“I didn’t ask for my life to revolve around his, okay?” Klavier managed to stop himself before he could shout; instead, his voice came out as a harsh whisper. Thankfully, no one else seemed to notice, carrying on with their conversations while they waited for the newlyweds to call on them. “So if people are going to continue to talk, to stare, then I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to see it. If I can’t have a normal conversation with my family members that aren’t you or Mama, then…” He shook his head; his hand was trembling, his champagne sloshing over the edge of his flute.

Sighing, his father squeezed Klavier’s shoulder a little firmer now. “...I can tell them you have a migraine if you’d like. Or how about a stomach bug? Though maybe a work emergency would sound a little more...dignified.”

Klavier let out a watery chuckle, clasping his hand over his father’s. “Danke, Papa, I appreciate it, but it’s fine. This is Anja’s day, not a day for me to whine and fuss. I can grin and bear it for her, ich verspreche. And I apologize for my...outburst.” His father shot him a sympathetic smile, then turned back to watch the happy couple while they waited for Klavier’s mother to return from the bathroom.

It was nearly two in the morning by the time Klavier collapsed face-first onto his bed, only to sit up in a panic for a moment, thinking he’d just smeared a full face of makeup onto his freshly-washed silk pillowcases, before remembering he’d managed to trudge his way through his skincare routine just moments ago. With a weary groan, he grabbed his phone and sent a quick text message; mere seconds later, his phone began to ring.

“Forehead? I didn’t actually expect you to be up.”

“Mik’s being a literal scaredy-cat about living in a new place, so I’m probably not gonna be able to sleep anytime soon,” Apollo said with a weary sigh. “So, how was the rest of the wedding? All the photos you sent looked incredible!”

“What can I say? Gavins have good taste,” Klavier replied, chuckling. He rolled onto his back, staring up at his ceiling. “It was...perfekt, the epitome of classic fairytale romance, really. The kind of wedding you see in children’s books, you know?”

“Sure.” Apollo’s voice was warm in Klavier’s ear. “Hey - you, uh, you okay? You sound...off.”

“Ja, ja, I’m just tired,” Klavier said, frowning slightly at his outstretched hand. Despite getting them done yesterday, his nails were already starting to chip. “How long did everyone end up staying for?”

“They left a little before midnight,” Apollo replied, yawning. “Trucy has a matinee show tomorrow - or today, I guess - or else she probably would’ve insisted on sleeping over. Would’ve been kinda nice, actually, i-it’s always a little weird being alone in a new place for the first time. Though I guess this makes up for it.”

“What makes up for it?” Klavier asked, confused.

Apollo snorted. “This phone call, you dork. It’s like last year all over again, except we’re finally in the same time zone now.”

“Ah - right,” Klavier said, letting out an awkward laugh. “Ja, this is nice, though...I assume we’re not making this a habit again, are we?”

“Nah, definitely not. But, y’know, every now and then for old time’s sake? I wouldn’t, uh, I wouldn’t mind it.” Klavier shivered. Apollo’s voice had dropped to a low murmur; it almost sounded as if he were in the room with him. Klavier remembered Apollo making a snarky comment or two whenever he caught a glimpse of Klavier’s apartment during their video calls, leaving him to wonder whether Apollo would ever want to see it for himself. “So, you wanna do something next week? I’m still on co-counsel duty until I’m ready to take my own cases again, so my schedule’s not too hectic.”

“What did you have in mind?” Klavier hummed.

“I’m up for whatever - er, within reason,” Apollo added. “It could, well. It could even be just you and me, if you want.”

Klavier’s mouth suddenly felt very dry. “...I think I’d like that, ja. Drinks, maybe? Friday?”

“Yeah, uh - ” Apollo cleared his throat. “ - yeah, sounds good. Text me the time and place whenever, okay? Though I guess we’re probably gonna see each other before then, so.”

“Definitely,” Klavier said quietly, sucking in a breath to stop himself from making a potentially embarrassing noise - a squeak of joy, maybe, or a nervous laugh; either one would be terrible. “Should I let you go, then? We didn’t usually talk this late, even when you were on the other side of the world.”

“Very true,” Apollo said, punctuating Klavier’s point by yawning again. “I think Mik’s finally settled down, anyway.” Then, he seemed to hesitate. “...you sure you’re good, Gavin?”

“Mir geht's gut,” Klavier promised. This time, it felt more like the truth. Though his quiet anger from earlier hadn’t quite dissipated, he was calmer now, more at ease. “Family events just take a lot out of me, that’s all. Inevitable, given how big my extended family is.”

Apollo fell silent for a moment. “Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I, uh...I wouldn’t know.”

“I think it depends on the family,” Klavier admitted. This time, both of them went quiet, contemplating Klavier’s sentiment. “...anyway, let’s not carry on and ruin our sleep schedules, ja? Gute Nacht, Forehead.”

“G’night, Gavin,” Apollo said softly. “Talk to you tomorrow.” Despite the usual raspy quality of Apollo’s voice, not to mention how sharp it could get, Klavier found it immensely comforting at times, its warmth like a thick blanket - or, more accurately, an oversized hoodie. Mere minutes after they hung up, Klavier drifted off into a deep, restful sleep.

_____

Friday, it seemed, was not meant to be. Much to Klavier’s quiet disappointment - though obviously, he understood, given the circumstances - Apollo had to cancel their plans after getting some truly life-changing news.

“I-I don’t even know where to begin,” Apollo had stammered on the phone, sounding as if he were on the verge of tears. “I - she’s my - a-and her eyes - sh-she came to see us, me a-and - ”

“Slow down, Apollo, slow down,” Klavier had said gently. “What’s going on? What happened?”

Apollo had taken a big, shuddering inhale. Then, he spoke again. “...Trucy is my little sister...a-and Lamiroir is...she’s...she’s...she’s Thalassa Gramarye. Our mother.”

The news traveled quickly throughout their social circle; naturally, it was Trucy who told everyone else, while Apollo still seemed to be reeling in shock. No one seemed to know what to say, not with everything they knew about the twists and turns and tragedies of their respective family histories. A week passed, then another, and another, as the two Gramarye siblings took some time off to reunite with their mother. Klavier dropped by the Wright Anything Agency every so often, hoping to see how they were doing, only to find just Phoenix and Athena there.

“Apollo almost punched me...again,” Phoenix had said quietly. If it wasn't for the seriousness of his expression, Klavier would've asked about the first time. “It’s because I knew. I knew a long time ago. And Trucy, she can’t seem to decide whether she’s upset with me or not. Can’t say I blame her, though Thalassa and I had our reasons.”

“I’m sure you did, Herr Wright,” Klavier had replied sincerely, though he didn’t push further. After all, it wasn’t his family drama this time, and as far as he was concerned, knowing what their reasons were wouldn’t have changed a thing.

Phoenix had then paused. “She told me she talked to you, by the way. Trucy, that is.” He let out a hollow laugh. “Even when she didn’t know, it was like...like she already knew. But I shouldn’t be surprised, not with her. Never with her.” Clearing his throat, he shot Klavier a gentle, genuine smile. “Thanks for being there for her, Prosecutor Gavin. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course,” Klavier had promised. “Herr Wright, before I go, I really should say something - ”

“If you’re about to do what I think you’re about to do...there’s no need,” Phoenix had interrupted, though not unkindly. “I’ve said it a few times, but I’ll say it again. Let’s put the past behind us, alright?”

Klavier had been taken aback. “...if you’re sure, then...ja, I hear you.”

Almost four weeks after Thalassa returned to her children’s lives, Klavier finally saw Apollo again, during a brief one-day trial. Once Apollo got his client acquitted, the two of them took a moment to sit on the courthouse steps together in stilted silence. “How is she?” Klavier asked. “How are you?”

“She’s…” Apollo sucked his breath in between his teeth. “...she’s still figuring things out. Remembering stuff. Trying to, uh...trying to learn how to be a mom to two adult children who...who grew up without her. And I dunno if it’s harder for me, o-or for Trucy, because I accepted my whole life that...that my mom just wasn’t around. But Trucy lost her. She knew her, loved her, lost her...and now she’s back. Not that it’s a competition, it’s just…” He managed to give Klavier a small smile. “We’ll be fine. It’s just weird and confusing a-and...but we’re fine. Sorry I’ve been so - ”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Klavier said, gently nudging him. “So, are you going to see her again today?”

“Yeah, we’re gonna drop by for dinner tonight,” Apollo replied. “We’ll hang out again soon, I swear.”

“Don’t worry about me, Forehead. Take care of yourself first, ja?” Klavier chuckled, patting Apollo’s knee. “Anyway, I should get going before the paparazzi catch wind of me. Auf Wiedersehen, baby. Have a good time tonight.” As he was leaving, he took a moment to watch Apollo walk over to the courthouse bike rack to join Trucy, who was patiently waiting for him. The moment she spotted him, she flung her arms around his shoulders, pulling him in for a hug, as if they’d been apart for years and not mere minutes.

The days continued to go by without them seeing much of each other, though they did continue to text on a regular basis, even having the occasional late-night phone call or two. Klavier also managed to chat with Trucy when he dropped by the agency one afternoon in the hopes that she would be there.

“I’m okay,” Trucy had told him. “We’re still getting used to it, but it’s definitely one of the best surprises I’ve ever had! I’ve been saying this whole time that Polly’s like a little big brother to me, and now…”

“And now it’s true,” Klavier had remarked, laughing. “I’m happy for all of you, fräulein, truly. And thinking back...what a strange family reunion. All because I invited her to perform with the Gavinners. Er, not to make this about me, of course.”

“Of course,” Trucy had echoed, giggling as well. “You would never do that.”

Klavier had rolled his eyes good-naturedly, which only served to make her laugh even harder. His expression then sobered. “Have you told either of them about...what you told me and Herr Wright?”

“Huh?...o-oh. That.” Trucy had fiddled with the ends of her cape, eyes fixated on the toes of her boots. “No, n-not yet. It’s too early. We only just discovered the truth, why would I ruin that with my silly problems?”

“They’re not silly at all,” Klavier had reassured her. “They’re...I know a little something about family legacy. Carrying a name that belongs to someone else. Talk to them about it when the time is right, ja?”

“I know, I know,” Trucy had mumbled, her voice small. She then perked up, plastering on a false smile that Klavier was all too familiar with. “You should join us someday, Prosecutor Gavin! I’m sure she’d like to see you again, and Polly’s been dying to spend more time with you.”

Klavier felt warm. “Really? Did he say that?”

“Well, not in so many words,” Trucy had said sheepishly. “But we’ve been so busy with Mom lately that neither of us has really had time to hang out with people other than Daddy and Athena, y’know? So...maybe we could do another group dinner or something.”

And so, a little over a month and a half after their canceled plans, Trucy managed to get a smaller group of people together - her, Apollo, Athena, Klavier, Simon, Pearl, Juniper, Ema, and Kay, to be exact - for a rather chaotic visit to their nearest night market. Considering how narrow the pathways were, how packed the food stalls could be, it was hard for them to move as a collective through the crowds.

“We might have an easier time if we split up,” Apollo suggested. “And, uh, as a bonus, people would stop glaring at us for holding up literally every line.” And so, everyone divided themselves into pairs - or a trio, in Athena, Simon, and Juniper’s case - and went on their way.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go with Trucy?” Klavier asked once he and Apollo were in line for freshly-made takoyaki.

“Listen, and I say this with love, but I’ve been looking forward to hanging out with someone who isn’t Trucy for once,” Apollo said, chuckling. “Besides, we never got around to getting drinks. So let me pay for, like, a milk tea or something.”

“That’s hardly necessary, but danke,” Klavier said, smiling easily. “So, has it finally sunk in yet? Your newfound big brother status, that is.”

“Thankfully, not that kind of big brother,” Apollo said dryly. “Honestly, it hasn’t been that different. Me and Trucy have always looked out for each other, and...I dunno. We got attached pretty quickly, almost like we, uh...like we knew somehow. Like everything about our relationship made even more sense than before.” He then let out a soft laugh, shaking his head. “Never mind, that probably sounds really stupid - ”

“Nein, not at all,” Klavier murmured sympathetically.

“I don’t believe in fate or whatever, but...I couldn’t ask for a better sister,” Apollo admitted, his expression softening. “Though to be fair, I can ask said sister to stop dragging me on stage with her. I almost lost my eyebrows more than once, and once is already one time too many!”

“You did say better, not perfect,” Klavier teased, laughing. “So, what do you want to do tonight? Are we just stuffing our faces, or did you want to walk around? That bouncy castle looks sehr interessant.”

“Yeah, sure, if we wanna get kicked out,” Apollo snorted. “And I’m not sure yet, I was just gonna go with whatever everyone else wanted. When I used to come here all the time with...with…” His face fell. “Um. You know. He was so eager to try everything, I-I just let him drag me around. Literally.” Klavier looked away for a moment, unsure of what to say. Apollo then tugged on his sleeve so he would turn back, a small smile on his face. “Hey, c’mon. I’m the one who made it weird, don’t you make it weird, too.”

Klavier chuckled, placing his hand over Apollo’s and squeezing. “Why don’t you lead for a change? I mean it, Forehead, what do you want to do tonight?”

“Honestly? I just wanna eat and drink and laugh at the terrible knock-off merchandise with, uh. With you.” Apollo awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. Before Klavier could respond, they’d reached the front of the line; Apollo turned to the merchant with a polite smile. “Hi, can we get one order of takoyaki, please? And can we get the sauces on the side?”

“Sure, that’ll be seven dollars,” the merchant replied. “Is this just for you, or are you sharing with your boyfriend?”

Apollo blinked. “Er, s-sorry?”

“I need to know how many toothpicks to give you,” the merchant said, shooting Apollo a strange look.

“I, uh…” Apollo cleared his throat. Klavier looked at him curiously, unsure if Apollo’s reaction was promising or worrying. “Yeah, we’re sharing.”

Once they received their order, they went to stand a little ways away from the crowd to eat and people-watch in companionable silence. Klavier stole the occasional glance in Apollo’s direction every so often, admiring how good he looked in a bucket hat, denim cutoffs, and of course, the hoodie he’d given him. Other than his signature red suit vest, it seemed to be the item of clothing he wore the most these days. Klavier wondered if it still smelled of his cologne, the cologne that Apollo claimed to hate.

“Gavin?” Apollo raised an eyebrow at him. “Can I, um...can I help you?”

“Ah - entschuldigung, I didn’t mean to stare,” Klavier said, ducking his head in embarrassment. “It just surprises me whenever you wear that, you know? Surely, you have other hoodies.”

“I’ve just gotten used to it, I guess,” Apollo shrugged. “And it’s weird, ‘cos it’s yours, but now I mostly associate it with Khura’in. Like, whenever I went for walks before or after work, this was usually the first thing I grabbed, even when it was too warm for me to wear. Something to hold onto, I s’pose.” His eyes suddenly lit up. “Hey - new idea!”

Klavier chuckled at his sudden enthusiasm. “Oh? What’s that?”

“Over there,” Apollo said, gesturing towards the river running alongside the night market. Other market patrons were there as well, eating, talking, and admiring the city skyline. “It’s definitely no Khura’inese scenery, but we could also grab some food and go for a walk, get away from the main crowd and all that.”

“I’d like that,” Klavier replied, popping the last piece of takoyaki into his mouth. “What should we get next, then?”

After much deliberation, the two of them settled on milk tea and crepes, then began walking alongside the river, chatting amicably about nothing in particular while occasionally spotting their friends in the distance. They saw Trucy and Pearl sharing a giant bowl of shaved ice, Ema and Kay marveling at all of the bags for sale - Ema had once mentioned she needed a new one to fit her entire forensics kit - while Athena and Simon were, for some reason, arm-wrestling. Juniper was supervising them with a hint of apprehension in her eyes; Athena appeared to be winning.

As they passed by people going in the opposite direction, Klavier lowered the brim of his cap over his eyes. He felt somewhat nervous, even paranoid, every single time someone looked at him for a little too long. “Not too interested in signing autographs or taking selfies, huh?” Apollo teased when it happened for the fifth time in under twenty minutes. “Nah, I get it. I’m sure it gets pretty exhausting after a while.”

“It’s...it’s not fans I’m worried about,” Klavier confessed, ducking his head once more. “It’s...the opposite, really.”

“Huh?” Apollo’s eyes then widened. “Oh, you mean...o-oh. Has that been happening a lot lately, or…?”

“Just...more than it should,” Klavier said quietly, so quietly that Apollo almost couldn’t hear him over the noise of the night market. “Anyway, I’d rather not get into it. Tell me more about your mother, you said the other day that her memories were coming back to her, ja?”

Apollo eyed him worriedly, but decided not to comment. “Yeah, yeah, uh - mostly stuff about Trucy, and Trucy’s dad, and her time with the troupe. Not so much the before, the me and...and my dad part. It was...I tried asking her, y’know, basic stuff about him. Like what his voice sounded like, what kind of person he was...but it’s all bits and pieces for her. Little tiny things, not significant details. She remembered that he didn’t like spinach and he had a pair of lucky socks, but she wasn’t sure if my voice sounded anything like his, or how they picked my name, or what their first date was. Stuff like that.” He visibly swallowed.

“I’m sure that must have been frustrating for both of you,” Klavier said, humming in sympathy.

“I don’t know what to feel sometimes.” An odd look crossed Apollo’s face then, like he wasn’t sure where his words had come from, but he seemed determined to keep going. “Obviously, I-I’m happy to have her in my life, and to see her doing so well after what she went through, but...it’s not like I had this...this attachment to my dad that she did. And sure, I wanna know more about him, but sometimes, i-it feels like I’m doing it more for her than for me. But that makes me sound like a shitty person, like I-I don’t care about him. Like he doesn’t mean anything to me.”

Klavier went silent for a moment, thinking. It was hard to concentrate when he could hear Apollo’s breath growing increasingly erratic; he so desperately wanted to wrap him up in a hug, though he wasn’t sure if Apollo would want him to. “If you ask me, you sound like a good person who cares about his mother,” he finally said after some time. “And even if your biological father isn’t as important to you as he was to her, he still means something to you. You know that.”

“Do I?” Apollo chuckled wetly, wiping his damp eyes with the sleeve hem of his hoodie. “And Trucy - god, Trucy, sh-she’s…”

“What about her?” Klavier asked, frowning.

“It’s not like either of us likes to think about it, but…” Apollo chewed his bottom lip. “If something happened to Mom, then...well. It’s not like it’s new to us...losing people. When do I get to the point where I can accept it? Where I know...I-I can’t do anything to stop it?” He let out another horrible laugh. “Shit, that sounded so heartless. Th-that’s not what I meant, I - ”

“I know what you meant,” Klavier promised somewhat sadly. “Have you talked to her about it? Or...either of them, really.”

“No, but it...it’s why Trucy wants us to hang out practically every day.” Apollo stopped for a moment, turning to watch Trucy, who was currently shoveling huge spoonfuls of shaved ice and red bean into her mouth, with a fond smile. “She won’t say it, but I-I know her. I can tell what she’s thinking. Even before we found out we were siblings, she seemed...kinda worried that I was gonna leave again. Or that I wasn’t gonna come back in the first place, even when I said I would.”

“Maybe it’s time you have that conversation,” Klavier suggested. “It won’t be a pleasant conversation, but it seems...necessary, ja?”

Apollo exhaled shakily. “Yeah, I know, I know. It’s just...there’s always something. A trial o-or a show or whatever. But, uh, honestly? I just don’t like thinking about it. Like, ever.”

“I don’t blame you,” Klavier admitted, rubbing Apollo’s arm reassuringly. “I wouldn’t want to open myself up to that kind of personal scrutiny, either.” He paused. “I...gave Trucy some similar advice a while back, you know. Advice that I should’ve taken myself, should still be taking myself, but...it’s like they say. Easier said than done.”

“Easier said than done,” Apollo echoed in agreement, sighing.

Another minute or two passed in silence, accompanied by the noisy chatter and whistling winds around them. Apollo seemed to be thinking intensely about something, but with everything they’d talked about, not just now, but over the past year, Klavier couldn’t even begin to guess what it was. Then, he lifted his head to look Klavier right in the eye. “Why did you call me in Khura’in, that first time?”

Klavier’s heart skipped a beat. “...why does it matter?”

“Because...because you’re one of my favorite people, too.” Apollo’s cheeks reddened, though he was clearly trying his best to ignore it. “And I - I wanna know if something happened that day. If...something happened to you.”

“Nothing happened to me,” Klavier said smoothly, trying not to let his dizzying joy at Apollo’s words show. “Trucy suggested I call you sometime, that’s all. Simple as that.”

Apollo’s right hand instantly went to his left wrist. “But that’s not all there is to it, is it?”

“Is this a cross-examination now?” Klavier asked, letting out an uneasy laugh. He turned on his heel and continued to walk. “You’re going to find my tell, are you? My nervous habit? It’s a nice night, Forehead, let’s not spoil it.”

“I just wanna understand you, Klavier.” Klavier stopped dead in his tracks; he could feel Apollo’s eyes on his back. “Look, if it’s such a big secret, or if you just don’t wanna tell me, I-I’ll shut up about it already. But I just - I worry about you sometimes. You’re always so...so calm. And helpful, a-and sweet, and...I get what it’s like to put on a brave face. To pretend that everything’s the way it should be. That’s all I’m saying. So if it really was nothing, then I’ll drop it, okay? I’ll let it go, and move - ”

“I was sitting in my childhood bedroom.” Now he felt lightheaded for a different reason; Klavier dropped his gaze, his body swaying despite the fact he was standing perfectly still. Apollo quickly stepped around him so they were face-to-face, tucking his empty cup under his arm so he could hold Klavier’s shoulders, his still-wet eyes shining with concern. “I was sitting on my bed, staring at the wall, and suddenly, I-I wanted to talk to the one person in the entire world who - who doesn’t want something from me. Who doesn’t want to ask for my autograph, or my connections, or my help, or...or about Kristoph. Who just wants to talk to me for - for - for me.” Before he could stop himself, his eyes were suddenly filling with tears. Klavier clapped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from crying out.

Apollo let out a stifled noise. “Ah - Klavier!”

“Mama, a-and Papa, I - they say they can’t - that it - b-but they still mourn him l-like he’s already - already gone,” Klavier managed to say between short, gasping breaths, his heartbeat pounding alarmingly fast in his ears. He desperately clutched at his chest, but he was unable to find his grip. The ground, his surroundings, they all seemed to be spinning around him. “And I-I want to say - ‘I’m still here, y-you have me’ - and they know, but th-they - ”

“Breathe, Klavier, breathe,” Apollo urged. “Look at me, watch me, okay? In...out...in...”

Klavier dropped his cup entirely, desperately clinging onto Apollo’s shoulders, anticipating that his knees were about to give out beneath him. He swallowed a few generous lungfuls of air, trying not to cough or exhale directly in Apollo’s face, all while his eyes were fixated on Apollo’s - large, round, expressive to a fault. The color of melted chocolate, usually, though in the moonlight, more akin to the color of ink. “I’m okay,” Klavier whispered, though tears were still rolling down his cheeks. “Sorry, I - ”

“Don’t apologize,” Apollo said firmly. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to - we don’t - we don’t have to talk about this.”

“Nein, I - I want to tell you.” Klavier cleared his throat, wiping his face on his sleeve; he knew he looked like a mess, he knew that they were in public, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Bitte, will you let me?”

“Yeah, o-of course.” Now it was Apollo's turn to rub his arm comfortingly. “But, uh, I think we should sit. There’s a bench over there, are you good to move?”

Once they managed to sit down, both of them visibly shaking, Apollo placed a trembling hand on Klavier’s knee, nodding for him to try again. “I was trying to say that - that I’ve always been our parents’ favorite. I was more outgoing, more curious, and I think they especially liked that about me.” Klavier’s breath was still shallow; he paused to take another deep, measured breath. “So when I say that...that I feel responsible somehow...that I played a part in his madness, his cruelty...I-I’m not just talking about Zak Gramarye’s trial.”

“You don’t mean…” Apollo sucked in a breath of his own. “You think he resented you, don’t you?”

“I think it’s more like...he never liked getting ignored, passed over, for someone else. For me, for Herr Wright…” Klavier swallowed thickly. “And then I go home to my parents, a-and they promise me it’s not my fault, that I was merely a pawn, but - but I can tell that, deep down, they miss him. They mourn him, like he’s no longer here. They're packing his things, cleaning out his room...trying to pretend he never existed, because it’s easier than living with the truth. But they slip sometimes. All the time, really. Because, at the end of the day...he still means something to them. To me.”

“Klavier,” Apollo said softly, squeezing Klavier’s knee. He seemed unsure of what to say.

“I can try all I want, but there’s no pretending for me,” Klavier continued bitterly, his voice growing stronger, louder. “Do reporters want to ask about my success as a prosecutor or my music career? Nein, they want to ask how it felt to prosecute my own brother and my own bandmate. Do my coworkers want to know how my weekend was or if I’m free to hang out? Nein, they only ask how I’m feeling when I seem less than perfect because it makes them uncomfortable. When I go to family gatherings, do they tease me about my love life or ask me how work is going? Nein, they want to know if he and I really are cut from the same cloth. No one - no one ever really wants to ask me about me. Just me.”

“Klavier - ”

“And I know they try,” Klavier sighed. “And I don’t mean to be...I’m trying not to ask for much. But how do I really know, that when Herr Edgeworth tells me I’m doing a good job, that I really am doing a good job? If Herr Blackquill tells me I seem to be happier these days, does he mean it, o-or is he telling me what he knows I want to hear?” He paused. “How do I...do I trust any of my family members - nein, how do I trust my own judgment...when the one person I grew up with...when he...when the people I-I thought I knew turned out to be...” He shook his head, unable to finish his sentence.

“For what it’s worth...you know I'm in your corner, yeah?” Apollo offered. “You know I won't...that I don't bullshit you. But still, I...I’m so sorry, that’s...that’s terrible. So when you texted me after your cousin’s wedding...”

Klavier nodded resignedly. “Ja, exactly. I don’t...it feels like…” He felt tears forming in his eyes again; he quickly wiped them away before they could fall. “...never mind, it’s stupid. It’s childish, i-it’s selfish, I - ”

“C’mon, don’t be like that.” Apollo gave him a watery, encouraging smile. “What is it?”

Klavier went silent for what felt like hours, his mind racing to find the precise words he wanted to say. “...it feels like I will always care more about someone else than they will ever care about me.”

Another lengthy pause soon followed, one that made Klavier unbearably nervous. For once, Apollo’s usually expressive face was completely inscrutable. Then, Apollo practically threw himself at Klavier, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him in close. “Klavier,” he repeated for what seemed like the thousandth time, his voice warm and urgent in Klavier’s ear. “People care about you, okay? You gotta know that. I-I promise, there are people out there who - who care about you more than you think. Like...like me.”

Klavier let out a sobbing, incredulous laugh. “Achtung, Apollo...you do know that I’m in love with you, right?”

Apollo went still. He stared at him, wide-eyed. “You...you are?”

“You mean you really didn’t know?” Klavier could only laugh again, more hopelessly this time; his mouth seemed to be moving faster than his brain. While it usually never happened to him, it seemed like Apollo brought out his honesty more easily than most. He wasn’t sure if that impressed him or terrified him. “With everything that’s been happening between us, you didn’t think - ”

“I-I knew we were getting closer, th-that we were gonna go for drinks, but...I-I thought this was, like. A recent thing for you,” Apollo stammered, still staring at him disbelievingly.

“A recent thing? You mean like your feelings...for me?” Klavier was almost afraid to ask.

“What? No, I - ” Apollo suddenly seemed to realize he still had his arms loosely draped around Klavier’s midsection. He yanked them back like he’d been burned, his cheeks flushed pink. “I mean, yes, yes, d-definitely recent - ”

“Apollo, bitte.” Klavier took Apollo’s hands in his, gently running his thumbs across Apollo’s knuckles. “I know you don’t owe me your honesty, but I’d like to think that after everything I just said, you could afford me just a little bit of it.”

Apollo fell silent, considering. Klavier held his breath in anticipation, heart thumping wildly against his ribcage. Then, Apollo withdrew one hand from Klavier’s grasp, instead lifting it to cup Klavier’s jaw. His eyes were wet once more, his smile impossibly soft. “I hate that you feel like you have to ask for someone else to be honest to you...least of all me,” Apollo murmured. “I-I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine - ”

“But it isn’t!” Apollo interrupted fiercely. “You shouldn’t have to ask for basic decency, especially from someone who’s supposed to care about you. Because - ‘cos god, Klavier, you - you’re - I love you, okay?” Klavier’s mouth fell open, stunned, but no words came out. “I love you and your...your…” Apollo inhaled yet again, taking a moment to think carefully. “You always surprise me, y’know. With how...willing you are to be proven wrong. How open you are to changing your mind. And even though you’re one of the most self-important people I’ve ever met...you still manage to be pretty selfless when it comes down to it. So selfless, that...that...that it worries me sometimes.”

“Worries...you?” Klavier asked, his voice small.

Apollo shot him a shaky smile. “Whether you’re looking out for yourself.”

“I think the last thing anyone could accuse me of is not making something about me,” Klavier said, chuckling wetly. “Take now, for example. We were having such a nice night, until - ”

“ - until you finally got the chance to say what you’ve been wanting to say,” Apollo finished for him. “Just like...like I did. Just now.”

Klavier’s eyes flitted across Apollo’s face, his gaze traveling from his tearful eyes to his parted lips, trying to find a sign, a warning that there was something there other than complete sincerity. When he found nothing, he cracked a grin of his own. “You really love me?”

In lieu of answering, Apollo moved closer, his forehead resting against Klavier’s, their noses barely brushing. Klavier’s breath hitched. Then, Apollo closed the gap between them, kissing him so tenderly, so carefully, that he felt a pleasant shiver go up his spine. Finally. Klavier melted right into him, every muscle in his body seemingly relaxing all at once; he released Apollo’s hand so he could wrap his arms around him, pulling him into his embrace. Apollo was so warm, Klavier thought, his skin surprisingly soft, his lips unsurprisingly rough, not that it lessened Klavier’s joy. Nothing else seemed to matter in that moment, not all the people walking by that could easily see them, not the fact that their friends could probably recognize them if they tried. When they reluctantly broke apart, they realized that they both had tears running down their faces.

“..shit.” Apollo let out a wet laugh, sniffling sharply. He reached into the pocket of his hoodie to pull out a packet of tissues, handing one to Klavier before attempting to take care of himself. “That was, uh - ”

“Perfect,” Klavier declared, his grin so wide, it threatened to split his face open.

“I was gonna say ‘gross’, but okay. Whatever you’re into, I guess,” Apollo teased, turning away momentarily to blow his nose. A comfortable silence fell over them as they took a moment to clean themselves up, to wipe their running noses and watery eyes. “Um, but - Klavier, are you okay? Because, well. That seemed like a lot.”

“Ja, I…” Klavier laughed disbelievingly. “...I feel incredible, actually. Like I’ve managed to...to let go of some of the things I’ve been carrying for a little too long. Even if I didn't do anything but drop them.” He then looked at Apollo. “What about you, liebe? We were talking about you, and then it became about me, and - ”

“That’s how conversations work, Klav,” Apollo reminded him. “And all that...I dunno, guilt, loneliness, whatever you wanna call it? That’s been going on for way too long. But for me, it’s...I-I’m still figuring some stuff out. Something I can deal with once I know, y’know?”

“If you’re sure. But...I’m here if you need me, ja? Always.” Klavier brushed a few loose strands of hair out of Apollo’s eyes, then leaned in to kiss him again. This particular kiss was thankfully less damp. “So, ah...what should we do now?”

“Well...I think all that crying made me dehydrated,” Apollo said half-jokingly. He stood, extending a hand in Klavier’s direction. “Will you finally let me pay for one of your drinks? Please?”

“I guess I can indulge you,” Klavier teased, taking Apollo’s hands and getting to his feet as well. Apollo rolled his eyes but pulled Klavier along nonetheless. Their fingers remained entangled, both of them holding on tight, even when they stepped back into the night market crowd.

_____

A few hours later, they found themselves in the elevator of Klavier’s apartment building, on the way up to his penthouse, grinning giddily at each other like lovesick teenagers. Naturally, the others had been suspicious when Apollo told them they were leaving together. Trucy, Athena, and Kay seemed ready to burst with questions, while Ema and Simon had merely watched them go with raised eyebrows. Still, no one said anything but their goodbyes, something both of them were grateful for.

“You look like you’re thinking really hard over there,” Apollo said, smirking. “You’re not changing your mind, are you?”

“Never,” Klavier replied instantly. Even though he knew Apollo was joking, he wanted to make it clear that he wasn’t. “Not when it comes to you.”

Apollo’s smile softened. “Good. That’s, uh...that’s good. Same here.”

After they’d washed up and settled in, the two of them collapsed onto Klavier’s bed, right on top of his duvet, comfortably exhausted from everything that had been said and done. Apollo was half-curled into Klavier’s side, yawning every so often while he sent off a few text messages, presumably to Trucy and their mother. Klavier had one hand in Apollo’s hair and the other loosely resting on Apollo’s hip, humming and tapping out a rhythm while he waited for Apollo to finish.

“Sorry,” Apollo said, briefly rolling over so he could set his phone down on the bedside table.

“Nein, nein, it’s okay,” Klavier replied. “I don’t know about you, but I’m wide awake. How am I supposed to fall asleep after a night like that, achtung.”

“Yeah, we definitely had, uh...we definitely had a moment back there.” Apollo sounded both embarrassed and pleased. “God, I hope no one saw us. I have zero interest in becoming a trending hashtag before our first date.”

“You don’t consider this our first date?” Klavier asked curiously.

“I prefer my first dates to be drama-free, thanks,” Apollo drawled. Still, his expression was relaxed, somewhat drowsy. “Though I think, in a way...we kinda needed that. Wish it hadn’t happened in public, but hey, we can’t exactly pick our battles.” At Klavier’s responding chuckle, he frowned slightly. “Klav? What is it?”

“Nothing, it’s just - mein Gott, I love you.” Klavier rested his forehead against Apollo’s, his smile warm and open. Apollo returned it with one of his own, his hands resting against Klavier’s chest, Klavier’s heartbeat steady beneath his fingertips. “I know we still have a lot to deal with, but...right now? I couldn’t care less. I’m just...I’m so happy.”

Grinning, Apollo shuffled closer, kissing him chastely. They exchanged slow, meandering kisses for a few minutes, fingers lightly pressed into each other’s sides, legs loosely tangled together. “...dork.”

“Your response is supposed to be ‘I love you, too’, liebe,” Klavier hinted, eliciting a delighted laugh from Apollo’s mouth. “But seriously, I mean it. I really do feel...free.”

“Good,” Apollo said affectionately, cupping Klavier’s face with both hands. “Look, I - I know all that stuff you’re feeling isn’t gonna magically go away, just like that, but...if you still need to hear it…” He then turned his head, his lips brushing against Klavier’s ear. “...it wasn’t your fault. It was his, all his. And people legitimately care about you for reasons that have nothing to do with him or your fame or their own motives. So try not to let anyone make you think otherwise, okay?” Klavier shivered. “And I love you, too. Dork.”

“Ach,” Klavier said, sniffling. “You’re going to make me cry again, baby. How dare you call me a dork.” Apollo burst into laughter once more, burying his face in the crook of Klavier’s neck with a satisfied hum. They went quiet for a little while longer, simply holding each other and enjoying the stillness of the night. “I do have...one last little worry, though.”

“Yeah?” Apollo ran his thumb across Klavier’s cheek. “What is it?”

“I...part of me is worried, that…” Klavier paused, taking a moment to choose his words carefully. “After everything we’ve been through...do you really think this is going to work? Or do you think that we just hope that it will?”

“No use in pretending like we know for sure,” Apollo said honestly. “There’s a million things that could go wrong, y’know? We could get into a really bad argument, we could have problems separating work from our personal lives - hell, we might be better off as friends…”

“Ever the optimist, aren’t you?” Klavier teased.

“Oh, hush.” Apollo kissed Klavier to silence him. The two of them became momentarily distracted, wrapped up in each other’s embrace once more. Klavier wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to let Apollo go in the morning, not when they’d both waited this long. “All I’m saying is, as long as we try, then…” Apollo’s kiss-bitten lips then stretched into a fond grin. “...I think we’re gonna do just fine.”

_____

a/n: Welcome to my seventh and final entry for Klapollo Week 2021! Continuity-wise, this is the third of seven fics, but again, there is no need to read the others to follow each fic on its own. However, this fic is best read after day five's, meet me halfway (across the sky), so I would recommend reading that one to fully understand the first half of this fic!

Y'all, I can't believe it's finally over! I feel like I've been working on these fics for ages (and I've fallen behind on others; we'll see if I end up getting two fics out in July like I originally planned), especially this one and day five's. Thank you to the lovelies who organized Klapollo Week, this was super fun to do! I got a little overambitious for sure, but I liked how they turned out. In doing this, I definitely learned that short(er) fics aren't really my thing; I had a good time writing them, but I'm not a concise writer, so I struggled with getting a good balance of plot and details for the fics that were under six thousand words. In fact, I low-key wanna write fuller versions of all of them 😅

If you missed any of the other days, I would love it if you checked them out! My personal favorites are the odd-numbered days, also known as the ones with angst. I'm thinking that sometime next year, I'll write a super long version of meet me halfway (across the sky) where Klavier eventually gets to be with Apollo in Khura'in. Knowing me, that thing will be a monster of fifty-thousand-word proportions. In the meantime, if you're interested in finding out what I'll be posting next, you can filter my fanfiction masterpost by "coming soon"!

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Likes and reblogs would be much appreciated. Hoping you’re all safe and healthy and doing well ❤️

#KlapolloWeek2021 #klapollo #kyodoroki #klapollo fic #ace attorney #ace attorney fic #myfic #long post #y'all i'm so pleased with how this one turned out #thank you to everyone who read and commented and shared!!#my ao3 inbox is wild and i will be tackling that sometime this coming week

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hitoshisbabygirl · 3 years

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Author's Notes ♡: Hello hello! Here’s my POCuties collab piece for Valentine’s Day. Even though today sometimes makes me feel unloved please know everyone is deserving of love and even if you don’t have someone this year, you can have me! I love you and so do your favs okay? (✿◠‿◠) ~ bunny ❥

Warnings : none! Just very sweet (a bit of the reader feeling like a burden to tamaki so a touch of sadness here and there)

Word count : 2.1k

Paring(s) : Tamaki Amajiki x F! Reader (fem pronouns)

Enjoy ♡

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Forever // T. Amajiki

Being with Tamaki for a few years taught his lover a lot. She saw more sides of him than most, and it made her heart swell to see the usually quiet boy happy and determined when he accomplished something he was trying for or when he was down she knew just how to cheer him up.

As the day drew on she realised just how much she loved him and how much she wished for him to be home, to give him a big kiss as he came through the door, knowing that his day was long, plagued with paperwork and patrols. Hearing the door open she saw her tall boyfriend enter, hood over his eyes as he let out a sigh, stretching as he felt his body being encased by his girlfriend “Hello butterfly how was your day” His low voice spoke out as she gave him a bright smile “It was nice heaving the day off but i missed you Tama” she pouted as he gave her a chuckle, kissing her forehead “I missed you too, the office was a bore without my adorable secretary” Moving into their shared apartment Tamaki saw food already laid out in front of him “I ran you some bath water too” [ ] called out as she rounded the wall separating the kitchen and living room “Y-you didn't have to do that love im-” A finger silenced his pleas “Let me take care of you okay? You need your rest and i didnt want you to worry about anything coming home except relaxing and cuddling with me okay?” [ ] said as she stood on her tippy toes, kissing the top of his cheek “Tamaki Amajiki we have been doing this for years, won't you please let me love you without trying to outdo me ; you deserve it, you're a wonderful hero, you're my hero and eventually...you'll be our family hero..once we have one..” She trailed off as he stared at her, watching a sadden face appear over her features. Shaking it off as soon as it had appeared she gave him another smile “Its alright. There's no rush, i'm here for the long haul , me and you okay?” she said as she let his face go , heading to the couch “Now go go, hurry up before the food gets cold.” She teased as he gave her a soft look, coming over to kiss her cheek “Okay i wont argue butterfly”

These little things stuck with him, her caring ways, cooking for him, cleaning his office while hed be gone, even doing some of his paperwork while he was on parole. He loved her so much and enjoyed all of the little things here and there she did for him. He ddi the same, and each time made her cry, not out of being upset but for how caring he was to her. Bringing her roses, making sure she didnt have to cook if he could help it, spa days and doing more crafts and bonding with her whenever they could. But he realized while she helped him with so much he felt like he struggled. She struggled with her own issues too, similar to his. Sometimes she felt like she wasnt enough, she had her own anxieties and could get in a sup when she felt inadequate, unlovable and unwanted. But to him, to tamaki he loved everything about her, and she was one of the strongest people he knew. He felt motivated and glad to have her as the one he wished to marry , to have kids with, to start a family. But that also broke his heart when the topic came up she did usually didnt talk much about it, happily making plans but going back on them by saying ‘if i was a good mother’ She didnt want to dissapoint their future kids, didnt want to be a lacking mother or wife. As usual Tamaki came home, but htis time he went past the wonderful smelling food in the kitchen and to their bedroom, his cute girlfriend wrapped up in a blanket “How are you feeling butterfly?” He asked as she gave him a smile, reaching over to hug him “Im oaky! Just a bit overwhelmed is all, im sorry i passed out during the meeting..” She said as she gave him a hurt look before continuing “I shouldve tried harder to stay and present with you i-” Before she could finish he gave her a kiss, stopping her words “You needed rest. Im still surprised you got up to cook, did you at least take a nap love?” He asked as she shook her head , causing him to smile “Good. i love you butterfly and i woudnt change that for the world” he said as she smiled, giving him a hug “I’d hope so” She giggled as he pouted “Never doubt my love for you [ ], no matter what im gonna be here, i promise okay?” he said as she nuzzled the boy, kissing his nose “ And i for you Tamaki”

February came in , the happy couple had started up to take more time off to do more things and enjoy eachothers presence in the month of love. As the days went by Tamaki noticed [ ] was having odd days. From sleeping long hours of the day to just crying randomly, he knee something was wrong. Coming from the store he heard sobbing from their bathroom. Terrified , he tried to enter only feeling the door being locked “[ ] baby whats wrong? Can i come in?” with no response he nervously knocked again. “[ ] please...whats wrong” He pleaded as the door unclicked, showing his still beautiful but tear stained cheeked girl. “T-tama..” She cried as she just jumped into his arms, scaring the indigo haired boy “Baby are you okay?” he asked as she took in a breath before smiling sadly “Y-yeah i am..” She said as he picked her up, taking them into the living room. “I love you..and whatever is making you feel like this..if i can help let me okay?” Tamaki said as [ ] shook her head, placing it into his shoulder as they fell asleep.

Every day from her breakdown Tamaki came to her office with a rose, ate lunch with her and made sure she was hydrated and well. Once the week of valentines day came up, he had his plan set in motion. He had their schedules fixed, the week off for themselves as they did different things. A spa day the first day, a picnic the next, shopping at an expensive store for clothes. Then an art day where they drew (or tried to ) eachother and made art fro and about the other. Once the day of Valentines came however, it was different. It started with them taking a shower together, Tamaki cooking breakfast in bead for [ ] as they talked through the morning. Tamaki told her the outfits they ha gotten the days prior was for tonight which gave [ ] the jitters. She was excited for what her pro hero boyfriend had instore for them. Once they got to the restaurant all eys were on them. [ ]’s long black dress falttereed tamakis white suit and black bow tie. The two of them sat and started to eat, coversating with some fans who so happend to be around thwm. One was a small girl with wide hopeful eyes. She came to the couple with her mom in toe “Im so sorry to interrupt you two, my daughter wouldnt let mt husband and me rest until she came over to you guys” the wmoan laughed, causing bothe members to smile “Hello there how are you?” Tamaki asked the girl as she stepped from behind her mother “ H-hi my name is Shiemi a-and i really like you suneater!” The small girl said , causing [ ] , Tamaki and her mom to smile “Why thank you Shiemi, i hope im a good hero for you” Tamaki responded as the little girl shook her head “The best! Youre so cool. A-and your wife is pretty like mama! I like you dress miss suneater” The girl said , causing [ ] to stutter as she sipped her water “O-oh why thank you Shiemi but Im-” before she could continue she saw her boyfriend give the woman and her daughter a wide smile “She is, inst she?” He said as he turned to [ ] , moving from his chair “Tama what are you-” [ ] asked again as he leaned to the little girls ear , then to the mothers as they both gave him a smile, the woman happily shaking her head as her daughter followed the hero. Confused, [ ] watched as he picked the little girl up, putting her atop of the bar table “Hey everyone! Suneater has an announcement!” she yelled as most people turned around or to the table in the middle of the room, watching and smiling at the energetic child and pro hero “In fact I do, [ ] would you mind standing?” Tamaki asked as she gave him a wide eyed look, standing as he gave her a smile, extending and hand to her as she joined his side

“H-hey guys , as you know um..this si my lovely girlfriend and partner [ ]” He started as she gave everyone in the room a wary smile, her face feeling hot as he continued “ Ive known her for years, and weve been dating for some of those, she's seen me through thick and thin, helped me out in a pinch and made me feel like the strongest man alive, well next to almight…” he whispered as some of the people laughed, more paying them attention “And through all of this….i could think of a more beautiful and right person to spend the rest of my life with” And with the the young child handed the now kneeling man a ring as some whooped and hollered, others recording as both [ ] and the girls mother had tears in their eyes “[ ] [ ], the love of my life, my butterfly, i couldnt think of a more beautiful person inside and out to be with, will you give me the honor and make me the happiest man on this earth to be my wife?” He asked as the ring was revealed, diamond glistening as his own tear filled eyes looked to hers. Thinking her voice would fail her she shook her head yes, causing the room to yell as she had her ring put on her finger , jumping to hug her standing fiance as they hugged and cried, video of the engagement spreading as he thought to himself ‘I can now have my family, my endless love with you my dear butterfly’

As their wedding came , all of their friends and family came, including the new found friends of the young Shiemi and her parents. The ceremony went though flawlessly, Shiemi being their flower girl as the newlyweds ran down the easel , heading for their limo as they herded for the reception. The family spoke on how happy they were from their marriage, friends giving their comments on how they knew the couple would get married as the couple laughed at some stories and comments about their relationship. The night ended with so much love and joy for the new couple, startint their life together\

Two years went by before valentines day came again, three years to the day he had proposed arrived. Happily and ready to celebrate Tamaki woke up to his wife missing, hearing her fumble in the bathroom. Heading to the room he was shocked to she her in a disarray , eyes foggy as she met his “Tama...i have a surprised” She said as her teras fell down her face. Confused and still a bit tired , he gave her a look as she handed him a blue and while stick. The word pregnant snapped him awake as more tears started to fall, handing him two and three more all with the same small but powerful word “Im..gonna be a dad?” He asked as she smiled, shaking her head as she hugged the trembling girl “T-tama i'm gonna be a mom..what if i'm not good enough…” She sobbed as he cooed her, kissing her lips as his tears fell with hers “You're gonna be great Butterfly, i promise, you're gonna be so so great” He said as his heart swelled feeling her lips against his ‘This...This is forever , a love i wished for...and i couldn't have asked for more of a way to live my life...i love you butterfly’

#my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha x reader #amajiki tamaki #tamaki amakiji x reader #pocuties 💕#pocuties collab

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jalapeno-princess · 3 years

Text

Coffee For Your Head

(He’s so pretty)

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst with some fluff and a happy ending

Word Count: 7.1K

Summary: After an exhausting and frustrating day at work, all you want to do is go home and fall apart in your boyfriend’s arms. However, a comment that is meant to be a joke turns in to a full blown argument between you and Mark; causing you to storm out of your shared apartment.

A/N: Hey guys, so this week has been pretty shitty. I had to pay $700 to get my car fixed only to have someone steal my muffler (Hawaii is not the paradise everyone paints it out to be) but I’m not letting it get in the way of my life. Anyways, this imagine was inspired by that deathbed coffee for your head song but literally just the first verse (the song is actually so sad). I also have a couple of surprises for you all! The last and final chapter of crazy little thing called love is in the works, and I’ve decided to make a part 2 to “nobody compares to you” by popular request, so stay tuned. I’m also a few followers away from 700 that’s crazy!! Anyways, happy reading!

Never in the four years of your relationship has Mark ever felt like he didn’t want to look at you. Hell, there was never a time he wasn’t looking at you. From the moment Mark first laid his eyes on you, he was captivated by your beauty in ways he has never experienced before.

Some days, he had to force himself to stop admiring your breathtaking looks so that you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. After what took weeks of building up the courage to ask you out on a date, it didn’t take him long to realize that you were just as beautiful on the inside as you were on the outside. He honestly felt as if he was the luckiest man on earth to be the one who was extremely blessed to love you.

Unfortunately, the two of you had your first actual fight just a few hours prior and he honestly wishes he could go back in time and keep his mouth shut so that the two of you wouldn’t have been in this disheartening situation. Although there were a few times the two of you would disagree and have a couple quarrels here and there, this was the first time you actually stormed out of your shared apartment out of anger and frustration.

He was well aware that he went too far tonight; Mark knew you like the back of his hand. Just by your posture and the way you slammed your bag down on the counter, he had a feeling something bad must have happened at work. You were a registered nurse at your local hospital and as much as you wish you could say being a nurse was everything you could ever hope and pray it would be; it was quite the opposite.

Sure, you had the honor of witnessing many miracles such as pregnancies, watching patients win their battles against cancer—just being able to help anyone in need were a few perks that came with being a nurse. However, being a nurse also came with great responsibility. There were lives on the line and just the simplest mistake; giving a patient the wrong medication, scheduling the wrong surgery or assigning the wrong diet could really affect the lives of those you were in charge of.

Being a nurse was very exhausting; you were constantly on your feet for eight to ten hours a day and there were many people, either the patients or family members of the patients who always felt the need to take out their stress and worry on you. Tonight had been one of the most tiring and stressful days at work and there was nothing more you wanted to do than to change in to your pajamas and fall asleep in your boyfriend’s warm embrace. It was obvious Mark had other plans.

Normally, whenever you came home so distraught and obviously shaken up, Mark would do whatever he could to comfort you and make you feel better. He didn’t understand what got over him tonight though—what started as a joke about you leaving the dirty dishes from earlier that morning in the sink as his way to cheer you up turned in to hours of yelling at each other and getting at each other’s throats.

You told him he was a selfish, egotistical asshole who didn’t care about anyone but himself and he called you an aggressive bitch who takes things too seriously. As soon as he saw tears falling from your cheeks while you yanked at your purse and your keys that were still on the kitchen counter before storming outside, Mark was well aware that he fucked up. You weren’t a sensitive person; you did cry occasionally when work could be too much for you to handle, when you felt home sick being 3,000 miles away from your family or if there was a sad scene in a movie the two of you watched together then yeah—you would shed some tears, but it was only natural.

When you guys did argue—if ever—you did tear up out of irritation; but you never allowed Mark to see how much your little disputes would hurt you because you didn’t want to feel vulnerable. He may have been your boyfriend, but you didn’t want him—or anyone for that matter, taking advantage of how timorous and fragile you were as a person. It took him a while to process that you actually left. He was too focused on the fight; there were so many things he believed he wanted to say to you in the heat of the moment, but he knew it was best that he didn’t.

Now that he was all alone in the apartment, he felt like complete and utter shit. He knew the entire fight could have been prevented if he had just kept his mouth shut. What came over him that he felt the need to make such a stupid comment? You weren’t all that familiar when it came to California seeing as how you would only go out for work, with friends or with Mark.

California was different at night; it’s was more dangerous and scarier, even for your boyfriend who has been living there his entire life. Seeing as how your family lived in New York and you hardly made any friends in the couple years of living in the relatively sunny state other than a couple coworkers, he had no idea where you could have run off to. For all he knew, you were at a bar getting drunk off of your ass and someone could have been taking advantage of you—or worse, you could have been driving and got in to a car accident because of how frustrated you were.

From what he experienced with being in the passenger seat while you drove, he had to admit you weren’t exactly the best driver. You had two of the worst qualities a driver could have—impatience and anger. Normally, you were calm and collective. Even if life as a nurse could get very hectic and frantic at times, not once in your three years of working at the hospital did you show that you were on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Mark never understood how you did it—but you were very good at managing your time and completing your tasks while under pressure. Your driving however was a completely different story. As much as he could only hope and pray you were somewhere safe, it wasn’t enough to stop the many negative thoughts and scenarios that his conscience came up with. Out of force of habit, he turned on the news to make sure nothing bad happened to you—God, why didn’t he just keep his mouth shut? If he just gave up his pride and took in to consideration the stress you were under, you’d be cuddling in his arms right now while the two of you watch reruns of Cake Boss—but instead, you were out driving in the freezing cold, alone and angry. He had no idea what he should do; even if he were to give in and admit his faults first, what good would it do? You were just as stubborn as he was.

Knowing your headstrong tendencies, there was a big chance you would leave his messages unread and let his calls go to voicemail. He couldn’t blame you though, if it were the other way around and you were the one trying to get in touch with him, Mark would’ve ignored your attempts entirely. His guilty conscience got the best of him only after ten minutes; he knew there was no way he’d be able to go to sleep without finding out your whereabouts.

Mark: Hey. 11:56 p.m.

Mark: I’m sure you’re still mad at me and my apologies probably mean jack shit to you right now but just know that I am really fucking sorry. 11:56 p.m.

Mark: You don’t have to return my calls, but do you think you could at least let me know that you’re safe? 11:58 p.m.

Mark: I didn’t mean anything I said—you know me better than I know myself baby. I would never do or say anything to purposely hurt you. Fuck, the last thing I ever want to do is upset you y/n. I’m sorry I’ve made you so sad. 12:03 p.m.

Mark: I love you so much y/n. Please come home soon. 12:03 p.m.

He tossed his phone somewhere on the floor before releasing a frustrating groan—where could you have gone? A lot of places were closed at this time of hour and he decided that since you were driving, there was no way you could be drinking. Any club or bar was immediately crossed off of his list. There was also no way you’d go back to the hospital; it was painfully obvious that something occurred during your shift that made your mood sour—so you probably didn’t want to get near the establishment until you had to return back to work in the morning.

Shit, that’s right.

You had another shift in less than eight hours, God, Mark really felt like the biggest asshole on the planet. Knowing that there was a huge chance he wouldn’t be hearing from you any time soon, he decided to set up camp in the living room just in case you came back home and wanted to go straight to bed. He was also secretly hoping that you read his messages and forgave him; or at least felt a little less infuriated with him.

No matter how much he tried to take his mind off of you, there was nothing that could distract him. None of the many video games he owned nor the new unsolved mysteries series Netflix had to offer could ease his unsettling nerves. Something inside of Mark was telling him to go out and look for you, but he knew that wasn’t a good idea. Honestly, he wouldn’t even know where to start. California was huge—he’d probably drive in circles for hours.

The idea of getting in contact with his friends also popped in to his mind; you’ve grown close to his group of friends over the course of your relationship to the point where you could consider them all family. However, you were the kind of person who hated being a burden to others. You also didn’t want to involve anyone in your personal business unless you really had to.

All he could do was lie on the couch and stare at the ceiling; growing more and more irritated with himself as the minutes went by. Your disheartened facial expression was imprinted in the back of his mind—this was the first time you looked at him in a way other than lovingly and with so much adoration in your eyes. He hated it; hated himself even more.

He just really wanted you home safe.

Your boyfriend had no idea how long he was waiting for you; minutes felt like hours as he continued to lie on the couch, doing nothing. As soon as he heard the click of the door sound off, he abruptly sat up; not caring if he seemed too eager. He sincerely meant everything he said over text message—your health and your safety meant more to him than his stupid ego.

His heart began to race watching you walk in; there was nothing more he wanted to do than to run over to you and pull you in to his embrace while he repeatedly apologized for everything that he said and all the hurt he made you suffer through. For his inconsiderate actions, for not running after you, for allowing his pride and wanting to be the winner of the argument get in the way. But you looked so exhausted—so tired. Your body language spoke for you; it was evident that you were probably still hurt from his words and from what he learned with past experiences, you probably just wanted to go to sleep. He was curious if you got around to reading his messages or if you listened to his many voicemails.

His heart was begging him to get up and make his way over to you, but his mind didn’t want to make matters worse. Although he wanted to fix things immediately, he was going to wait for you to take control of the situation. You slowly took off your sandals and made your way in to the kitchen. The battle going on between his mind and his heart was currently consuming his thoughts; as much as he knew it would’ve been better to continue giving you his space, his heart had other plans.

You looked as though you saw a ghost when you heard him make his presence known and only then did Mark realize it was 2:15 in the morning. His chest hurt when he saw you tense up; he began regretting his decision. You obviously weren’t ready for reconciliation.

“What are you still doing up?”

You still had your back faced toward him, but he was going to take whatever he could get. Instead of continuing to ignore him, which is honestly what he felt he deserved, you actually responded to him. It had to be a good thing—right?

“I know you’re well aware that there was no way I’d be able to go to sleep knowing you were out all by yourself this late in a city you’re not all that familiar with. Especially because I was the reason. I—I was so worried.”

The tension in the room was thick; he was practically walking on eggshells while thinking about what to say next. You were the definition of a sensitive person and it was a trait of yours that Mark was still getting used to. It was the truth though—Mark cared about you more than he did anyone else on this hell forsaken earth. If something were to happen to you, he didn’t know what he would do with himself. You were his person. That man would die for you if he had to. He found himself reaching out to you as a force of habit, but he retracted his hand as soon as he realized what he was doing.

“Can we—can we talk?”

You took in a deep breath and finally allowed yourself to turn around and face him. There was no way around this—you knew as you drove around that he would want to talk sooner or later. When you saw that he was still awake, you weren’t surprised. Being with him for all these years, you’ve grown to learn that Mark never allowed you to go to bed angry. He was the type to want to solve your problems before you were to fall asleep.

The idea of you crying yourself to sleep because of something he said made his heart hurt. Only once in your entire relationship did you go to bed without listening to Mark’s apologies and it was because you didn’t want to deal with the drama any longer. He felt extremely bad that entire day though and when you arrived home that night, there was a bouquet of sunflowers, your favorite cake from your favorite bakery and a stuffed animal all sitting on the counter.

Mark was going to make sure you knew just how sorry he was, even if it meant having to sleep on the couch tonight. You were much more calm than you were when you first stormed out. Right after the fight, you went straight to your car and sat in it for a while; allowing yourself to breathe and come to your sense before driving away. Then, you decided to go drive around the city until you pulled up to a 24-hour coffee shop.

The exhaustion from your extremely stressful day was finally taking over you; and since you planned to stay out for at least another hour or two, you were going to need something that would keep you from falling asleep—and what better than a caramel macchiato with three shots of espresso? To your delight, you were the only customer there; you didn’t want anyone witnessing your breakdown as you cried quietly to yourself while remembering Mark’s harsh words that he directed towards you.

Mark was the only good thing going for you in your life at the moment; all you wanted to do was collapse in his arms and have him comfort you—you wanted him to run his fingers through your hair while you were perched up on his lap, hiding your face in the juncture of his neck. Every single time you had a rough day, whether it was because of work, or something else going on in your life; but your boyfriend was really good at taking your mind off of any problems, worries or negative thoughts that you had.

Coming home, only to hear him complain about how you didn’t wash your cereal bowl made your blood boil. You were scolded by your manager for almost giving a patient the wrong medication and it was the mistake of your colleague in training—yet you didn’t have the heart to confess that it wasn’t your fault. You understood how intimidating it was for first and second year residents; you’ve been there before, so you were fine taking the blame for something that you didn’t do. However, hearing your manager insult you and claim that you were inadequate and had no idea what you were doing made you feel as if it were true.

The last thing anyone in the medical field wanted to hear was that they weren’t good at their job. You didn’t go through so many years of crying over how hard clinicals were on top of pulling all-nighters every single week there was a test or exam just for someone to make you feel like you had no clue on how to complete the tasks given to you. This was the first time you were scolded for something that you didn’t think was all that bad; the medication the patient was meant to take helped with soothing a sore throat. The one that the medical resident gave them had to do with decreasing heartburn—it wasn’t like it was a life or death situation.

Mark never did anything to upset you purposely; sure, he had a tendency to leave the toilet seat up every now and then and sometimes he would get crumbs all over the couch, but that was as bad as it would get. When he called you a bitch, it genuinely felt like a slap to the face. It physically hurt and you couldn’t stop thinking about the way his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched in anger as he continued to say such hurtful things to you. At one point while you were drinking your coffee, it became bitter—which was odd considering how sweet it actually was and you found yourself no longer wanting to finish it.

Your argument with Mark was just taking up the entirety of your thought process that you were growing agitated with anything and everything. After reading his text messages and listening to a few of his voicemails, you didn’t know how to react. Mark Tuan was never the type to admit to his wrongdoings; he had so much pride and such a big ego—but not once did he ever use it towards you. You’ve watched the way he became ruthless while playing video games and said some things to his friends that you considered to be a joke; something he said to throw them off while being focused on winning.

Even at work, if he did something wrong, he’d never admit to his faults. That’s just who he was; so for him to say that he was wrong—that he didn’t mean a thing that he said and he shouldn’t have upset you at all gently pulled on your heartstrings and you found yourself throwing away the remainder of your beverage and making your way back to the apartment.

You weren’t sure what was going to happen once you were to walk in the door; he might have apologized, but that didn’t necessarily mean that he was going to talk to you or apologize again in person. Your mind would not let you get any rest; it was currently in a battle with your heart—your stupid, stupid heart that belonged to the man that made you feel like you were wrong for having a bad day.

That—you had no right to lash out on him. You wished he would have heard you out first before attacking you for something so small and unnecessary; he could’ve washed the damn dishes himself if he was so bothered. But your heart wouldn’t stop telling you to forgive him. His job could get extremely frustrating sometimes. It might not have been as time consuming or energy draining as yours, but there were times where he would need you to hold him every now and then because his executives expected so much out of him.

He probably had just as much of a hard day as you did—maybe he came home pissed off from something that happened at work and noticing that there was dishes in the sink that he knew were there from this morning got on his nerves. You felt like he could have handled it better though and you couldn’t help but think like he was growing tired of having to be your backbone; having to comfort you almost every single day on top of his own problems. Your mind wouldn’t stop coming up with all these thoughts and lies you knew weren’t true and you were well aware that it was best to start heading back to your place knowing that you had to be up again in less than five hours.

Seeing him practically leap at the sight of you walking through the door sent so many emotions to your chest. You hated any time spent away from him—there were occasions where your schedules would collide and the only time you would see him was right before bed or if you were coming home from a graveyard shift while he was getting ready to leave for his job.

The dried tears on his cheek confused you; he was the one who caused all of the drama and he had no problem making you feel like you were overreacting and being too sensitive. You were upset with yourself for wanting to walk over towards him and wrap your arms around him—but it was only natural for you to want to do so.

For the entire duration of your shift, he was all you could think about; the thought of Mark was what kept you sane throughout the entire day. No matter how upset he made you, he was still the love of your life—your best friend, your favorite person, your soulmate. One fight wasn’t going to tarnish or falter your feelings for him in any way.

Arguments were considered healthy in a relationship; sure, you could have done without the harsh words being thrown back and forth to one another, but you realized in the coffee shop that you would rather bicker and disagree with Mark every now and then for the rest of your life, then to have a relationship filled with constant joy and laughter with someone else.

It was obvious that he was probably just as tired as you were, but the thought of him staying up worrying about where you were and waiting for you to arrive back home filled your stomach with butterflies. You made your way towards the dining table and took a seat; you waited for him to make the first move because you didn’t know where to start.

“Did you—uh—happen to get my texts?”

You decided to keep your gaze on the cup of coffee he placed in front of you; you didn’t even notice him heating some up for you. Your boyfriend was very observant of the way that you practically lived on coffee; on the days you had morning shifts, he would set an alarm to wake up before you and prepared all the things you needed so that you had less to worry about—coffee being your number one necessity. If you were to look up at him, you were well aware that you would probably cry just at the thought of how considerate he was even under a negative circumstance.

“Yes. I didn’t have a chance to read them though.”

That was a lie. You read every single one of his messages; each message pulling on your heartstrings the more you continued scrolling through them. Although you no longer held any anger towards Mark, you didn’t want to give him the benefit of the doubt. A part of you also wanted to hear him apologize in person rather through messages—but you felt in your gut that he would sooner or later. Honestly, you wanted to wait until you were to come home from work tomorrow afternoon so that you were well rested enough to have the right mindset if another argument broke out.

“Oh. Well, I—For starters, I want to apologize for the way I acted towards you. I don’t know what made me say the things I did—I meant it as a joke but you obviously didn’t think it was funny and I don’t know why I expected you to. I’m so fucking sorry y/n. I was an asshole and you didn’t deserve it at all. I know I said some really cruel things in the heat of the moment, but I hope you know I didn’t mean any of it. You’re not a bitch nor are you over-emotional and you don’t get on my nerves. At all. I just—hearing you say those things about me sparked something inside that I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me. It took every bone in my body not to run after you. I’ll admit, sure—it was because I wanted to give you your space, but I was also very prideful and still so irritated with the entire ordeal. I regret every single thing I said and did tonight as soon as I realized just how scary it is being out late at night by yourself. I’ve never hated myself more than I did in these last two hours worrying about where you could have gone and what you were doing. I couldn’t stop thinking about your broken expression as you grabbed your things and stormed out the door.”

His voice quickly grew shaky; you knew he was on the verge of crying again just by the tone of his voice. For some reason, you found yourself giving in to him and finally looked up. It felt like a slap to the face; seeing him with the most heart wrenching frown—not once in your relationship did you ever question Mark’s love for you and right now, hearing that he beat himself up for the last few hours while he was going crazy thinking of the many possibilities that something bad happened to you made you come to the realization that the beautiful man in front of you loved you more than you could ever fathom in to words.

“I know you’re tired from work—I don’t know why I didn’t just keep my mouth shut. If I could, I’d go back and prevent this entire night from happening. I was so fucking scared y/n. You don’t know California all that well; you could have taken a wrong turn and ended up on your way to Las Vegas—your car could have broken down in the middle of nowhere and someone could have came and—I don’t even want to think about it. I’m sorry for hurting you—I know you’re well aware that I would rather sit and suffer through listening to Yugyeom and BamBam screaming while playing MarioKart than to hurt you in any possible way. You don’t have to forgive me. Hell, scream at me; yell at me, hit me, do whatever you want to me. Just know that I’m extremely sorry, and I’ll do whatever I have to in order to get you to trust me again.”

He hesitantly stood up and didn’t even spare a glance at you before making his way back into the living room. You were upset that he didn’t give you any time to respond, but at the same time—you were extremely grateful. Right after he left you all alone at the table, you allowed the tears to flow freely from your eyelids as his apology continuously replayed in your mind. Whatever exhaustion you felt from earlier that disappeared right after you abruptly left the apartment was quickly returning—though, you didn’t know if you were physically tired or just mentally drained at this point.

You gave yourself a couple of minutes alone just to plan out what you were going to do. Going to sleep sounded like the most rational decision to make; especially because you were meant to wake up in less than four hours to work another long, grueling and tiresome ten-hour shift. But you didn’t want to go to bed on bad terms with Mark. If he was willing to give up his pride and raise the white flag first just to make sure you were well aware that he was extremely regretful and apologetic of his actions, then it was only righteous of you to forgive him. You got up from your seat and put away the cup of coffee before taking in a deep breath and making your way in to the living room.

The lights were off; but the lights from the hallway were still dimly lit enough for you to notice that Mark was lying down on the couch with a pillow and a blanket wrapped around him. This was the first time since you moved in together that you found him outside on the couch. A small smirk raised on your face—your boyfriend was always so courteous and considerate.

He began tossing and turning in order to find a sleeping position he would be comfortable in. Your couch was pretty spacious and the two of you have slept on it countless times while watching movies together, but you were sure he was probably bummed by your response or lack thereof. You walked over to the end of the couch and gently tapped his thigh with your knee to get his attention.

“What are you doing?”

Although there was barely enough light to even see his figure, you were able to see him shrug nonchalantly at your question—as if you already knew the answer.

“You’re still mad at me. I don’t want to make matters even worse. I’m giving you your space—“ You surprised both yourself and your boyfriend by flopping on top of him, earning yourself a soft whimper. Nonetheless, his hands made their way down towards your lower back without hesitance. His heart was racing against your chest; you had a feeling he wasn’t expecting for you to forgive him tonight let alone throw yourself in top of him. The two of you sat in silence for a couple of minutes, the only sound that could be heard was your breaths and his fingers tapping lightly on your skin. He placed a couple of gentle kisses on your jaw and gripped at your chin; lifting it up to make eye contact with you.

“I lied. I did read the messages and I cried like a baby—you ass. Okay, I’m gonna start off by admitting that there were some things I also said that were out of line and that I did not mean. You are not a bad boyfriend at all Mark—you are the best boyfriend—hell, you are the best thing to ever happen to me. A lot of what I said was because I was so pissed off at you. I had such a terrible day at work. I was scolded by my manager twice for things I didn’t do, I had to work two extra hours to help out because three people called in sick, I was thrown up on and my break was cut short because we were so low staffed today and everyone in California all seemed to have kidney malfunctions on the same damn day. All I wanted to do was fall apart in your arms and have you comfort me like you always do—but then I come home and you make a comment about how lazy I am and I just—I cracked. Normally you’re always so good at picking up on the fact that I’ve had shit days; so, for you to make me feel even worse when all I wanted to do was find solace in you—it made me so fucking sad. And then I went out and drove for a while but I came to the realization that it wasn’t a good idea for me to roam around in a city I’m not familiar with while I was fuming so I went to a coffee shop and just thought about everything.”

Feeling his grip on your hips tighten only made it evident that your words had an effect on him. Sure, you were telling your side of the story and you had every right to—Mark deserved to hear what an asshole he was towards you—the last person in his life that he ever wanted to hurt. But he could just picture you sitting in your car; sobbing and blaming yourself like you’ve done multiple times in the past even if it wasn’t your fault. You were the kind of person who had a tendency to think you were the reason why things went wrong.

Usually, it was in situations at work; but he couldn’t help but feel as if you were beating yourself up about the argument that could have honestly been prevented if he observed your posture and body language and just kept his mouth shut. You wiped away a tear that fell from his cheek before placing a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“I wanted to continue giving you your space, but I had so many negative thoughts running through my mind. I was so, so worried about you. Baby I am so fucking sorry—“ you playfully pinched his cheek before covering his mouth with your hand.

“No more apologies okay? Our argument is in the past. I just want you to know what happened and why I decided to return back so soon. If I’m being honest with you, I was planning on staying out until I had to head in to work again but sleeping in my car is not the most easiest thing to do. You hurt me Mark—I know it wasn’t purposely but for a few minutes, I actually contemplated on staying at a hotel or something. I didn’t want to see you for the rest of the night and I hated that I felt like that—even if it was for a split second. I always want you Mark. Every second—every minute—every hour spent away from you is spent thinking about you. What you’re doing, if you ate your meals on time, how you’re doing, if you miss me the way I can’t stop missing you, when I’ll get to see you next—then I got your message and they just solidified the love you have for me. Not that I ever questioned it once in our three years of dating. I’m sorry about the dishes—I’m sorry if I haven’t been myself these last few days but please Mark—I’m not acting this way on purpose. I’m so tired. You’re the only reason why I don’t end up in a mental institution at the rate I’m going. I’ll try to be better okay? I love you too by the way—so much.”

The longer you spoke, the more tears fell from his eyes knowing how you must’ve felt so unhappy while overthinking the argument and just your entire day in general and he just felt so angry with himself. It was one thing for him to think about how much the argument must have bothered you, but it was another thing to hear you confess what had happened at work before coming home to a nagging and complaining boyfriend.

He felt sick to his stomach and it was even more upsetting because he didn’t have the right words to explain just how sorry he was nor did he know what to do to make it known that he was regretful of the entire situation. Your boyfriend didn’t give you any time to prepare; he cupped your face in his hands and roughly connected your lips together. His lips were chapped and dry and tasted like salt from the tears. However, his movements were dominant and quick; his desire and need to kiss you was all that was on his mind at the moment.

He wanted you to feel how much he loved you and how remorseful he was through the kiss. His tongue pushed down all but gently against your bottom lip before bringing it in between his teeth. The kiss continued to deepen the longer your tongues battled for dominance; any anger you held for your boyfriend was completely gone at this point. As much as you loved the way his lips melded perfectly against yours, you were finally feeling the wave of exhaustion re-enter your body and to Mark’s disappointment, you pulled away and placed your forehead against his.

“Babeeeee—“

“Come on, let’s go to bed.”

You got up from off of him and reached your hand out in order to help him up. Mark was the definition of a clingy boyfriend—everyone who knew the two of you both witnessed and heard just how possessive he was over you and how he constantly had to be touching on you. But nobody ever complained—it was so adorable. He wrapped his arms around your stomach and placed his head on your shoulder while letting you guid the two of you towards your shared bedroom. You attempted to escape his hold in order to move around freely, but he had other plans and continued to cling to you like a sloth.

“Babe, I have to get ready for bed—“

“You can get ready while I hold you.”

“I can’t take off my scrubs with your arms around me.”

“I guess that means I have to take them off for you—it would be my pleasure baby.” You rolled your eyes and gently shoved him while grabbing one of his shirts and making your way towards the bathroom.

“Baby?” You hummed in curiosity and gingerly smiled at him.

“It’s already 3 in the morning. Maybe you should call in sick. I don’t like the thought of you going to work with barely any amount of sleep and I know we’ve moved on from our argument—but it’s only human for you to think about it again. I don’t want you getting yelled at again if your manager senses that you’re tired. Plus, you’ve been working so much this last month. I know you love your job, but it’s okay to take a well deserved rest once in a while—“

He had a point. Besides Mark, work was your ultimate priority. Sometimes, you put the hospital before your own health and private life. There were occasions where Mark would invite you out with him and his friends, but a lot of the time, you would either be at work or sometimes be called in as you started getting ready. Working so much led to over exhaustion every now and then but no matter how sick you felt—whether it was a cold, the flu or nausea, you would still find yourself tending to patients. It was something Mark wasn’t all too fond of; especially because your boyfriend seemed to be the only one genuinely concerned about your well-being.

As soon as you finished your nighttime routine, you wasted no time making your way towards where Mark was sitting on the bed and crawled on top of him. He gave you a tired yet toothy grin and pulled you close to his chest. His hands returned to your lower waist and he even playfully pinched your butt; earning himself a slap to the shoulder. You brought one of your hands in to his hair while cupping his cheek lovingly with the other.

“I know you don’t want me apologizing anymore, but I just want to say sorry one last time. I can’t promise we won’t argue again—we’re both stubborn as hell—but I promise to be more patient; more understanding. And I don’t want you leaving—you really did worry me baby. I love you so much y/n. I’m sorry if what I said earlier made you question my love for you—but I love you. I’ve loved you for the last three years and I plan on loving you for the rest of my life.” You placed a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth before smashing your cheek against his chest.

“I love you too. A lot more than I get around to telling you. Fine. If I stay home tomorrow, you owe me.” He gently pulled away from you and began wiggling his brows.

“Oh, and what do you have in mind? You know babe, we don’t need to wait till tomorrow, I can give you what you deserve right now. I’ll take such good care of you—“

“I don’t mean sex you horny ass, I meant you make me breakfast in bed or prepare a bath for me. If I’m calling in sick, I want a relaxing day off.” He gave you an adorable pout while playfully hiding his face in between your breasts and whining softly.

“Making love can be relaxing. Come on Y/n, it’s been almost a week since I had your pretty lips around my cock. I’m sex deprived. As much as I prefer you topping me and riding my cock like the professional cowgirl you are, I’ll take the lead. I’ll eat your pussy out until you cry—fuck you till you scream. Might as well you call out for the entire week. I think you and I both know angry makeup sex is the best sex. Don’t lie y/n, you miss having me inside of you just as much as I miss feeling your tight walls wrapped around me—“

“I think I made a mistake telling you to come in here. Go back to the couch.”

#got7 imagines #got7 #mark tuan #mark tuan imagines #got7 mark

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sleepy-yn · 4 years

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Stray Kids: Reacting to their GF Missing Them

A/N: This is basically something I’ve been daydreaming about fjfdjkk so there’s that. Basically their Gf’s record themselves on tiktok to the song “Mr. Loverman” and “Me and my Husband” and the boys see it. ALSO the boys don’t have a dating ban here and they are public with their relationship (some more than others) NOT PROOF READ

Chan:

You were still in Uni and it was stressful being a student

it’s also very stressful when your sweet boyfriend lives across the world

you had visited him for a week recently but, obviously, you had to go back home

it was one of those early morning study sessions because you really needed to pass this quiz

you looked up at the picture frames on your desk and tears started to spill over the keyboard

you missed chan so much it hurt in your chest

like if there was a hole where your heart should be

you decided to scroll through tiktok as a way to escape from your sadness

that’s when you heard the song “Mr Loverman” for the thousandth time and you decided to let your feelings out

chan’s fans knew he was in a relationship but he cared too much about your privacy that he never introduced you to his fans

after you finished uploading the tiktok, you decided to get back to studying

chan was finishing up his work for the afternoon when Felix came into the studio

“Hyung look” he shoved his phone into chan’s face

we all know felix has a secret tiktok

Chan saw you sitting at your desk, tears in your eyes and several words on the screen

the familiar lyrics “I’m Mr. Loverman, and I miss my lover man” while he read what you wrote broke his heart into a million pieces

“i miss him so much. I want to see him again.”

tears threatened to spill from his own eyes as he watched you look so broken

felix took that as his cue to give chan some space

He needed to see your face even though he knew it was late

accepting the facetime call, you almost sobbed at seeing your handsome boyfriends face

“Hey babygirl’

“hi channie”

“Why are you still awake, love?”

“i miss you too much” you said in a whisper, a pout on your lips and your voice quivering

it was all about to spill out again, your emotions were just not in tact at the moment

“baby please don’t cry” :( i’m literally about to cry writing this

He wishes so badly that he could be there to wipe your tears

chan hated seeing you sad, you crying was his ultimate weakness

After calming down, he told you to stop studying and get some rest

he hummed the familiar tune to you while you fell into a soft slumber

you bet your ass that he booked the soonest flight to go see you

Minho

please i can’t get enough of this gif

so you lived in korea with minho

you both lived in an apartment together and although small, it was your home

you worked as a therapist for young adults and dealt with a lot every day

you and him never really saw each other during the day because of how busy you two were

it was comeback season so that meant he was rarely home

actually, he wasn’t home at all; he stayed at the dorms with the boys so that transportation and work was easier

so the house felt even emptier and although you were extremely supportive of the boys you missed your husband

so one night when you got home from work, you just burst into tears

a patient of yours talked about losing his first love and yadayadayada

it just hit you for some reason

but you knew it was stupid to cry, you should be happy your husband was back with his brothers and doing what he loves

so while you made dinner you continued, you listened to the playlist you made for these types of scenarios

and with your luck, the song “Me and my Husband” started playing

all the emotions you had been holding in flowed back out as you related to every word

what you didn’t know was that Minho was done early today and was making his way back home to you

and at the perfect moment, when the line “But when he walks in, I am loved” he walked in the door

turning to look at him, you couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across your face

jumping into his arms, he staggered back a bit but held you nonetheless

“Did someone miss me?” he smirked

“oh shut up and kiss me” and that he did

all your sadness faded away and the stress taking place in your body relaxed

“you really missed me didn’t you?” he said, wiping what was left of your tears

“yea yea, now come help me with dinner”

he couldn’t wish to be anywhere else but here with you

Changbin

look at his smile pls

you and changbin have been married for about a year now

his fans were super supportive and they honestly were warning HIM not to break your heart

you were a youtuber and a producer who made music for groups like KARD and VAV

so obviously you and changbin barely saw each other when you two were busy

however, you had a day off but changbin on the other hand had to help chan with a song

even though today was your anniversary, you made him go help out chan

your marriage was important but you knew how important music is to him and the boys

looking around the house at the pictures of the both of you, you started to get teary eyed

all the memories came hitting you like a bus rip george o’malley

you decided to put all these memories into a video not only to put your emotions somewhere but for the fans as well

but there was a twist at the end no one expected

while Changbin and Chan were focused on the track they were working on, Jisung came in to show changbin something

“Just look”

changbins attention went to the video in front of him

there you were doing your makeup and a couple textboxes showed up talking about how depressed you were in the past

you were not in a good state of mind and weren’t sure life was for you

that was until Changbin walked into your life *cue “But when he walks in I am loved”*

He smiled at all the pictures of you and him; your first dates, the proposal, the wedding, and more couple pictures

but what he wasn’t expecting was the last picture

there you were, holding a pregnancy test with a hand covering your smile

bet your ass all of twitter was already talking about it, that’s how jisung found it

both chan and jisung were hopping off the walls congratulating changbin

He packed up all his stuff and rushed home as fast as he could

when he walked in, there you were in bed watching his music videos

He didn’t even say anything, all he did was kiss you and hug you so tight in his arms as if your were going to slip away

“So I’m guessing this means you’re happy?”

He kissed you again “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I wanted to surprise you” you shrugged

he layed in bed with you, head on your belly

“See that? Those are your uncles, they already want to meet you” you giggled

“and that is your daddy, I’m going to protect you with all I am. I already love you so much”

“what are you doing, Binnie?”

“shush woman I’m talking to my baby

you rolled your eyes, “i was your baby first”

He cupped your cheek and looked into your eyes

“you still are, you’re just my big baby”

giggles filled the air as you two wondered what your future would look like

Hyunjin

now hyunjin is a special case

all your days were filled with laughter and fun, your relationship was never dull

but recently he couldn’t be with you as much as you wanted

there were rumors about hyunjin dating and him and the company weren’t sure whether to deny or admit it

so for the mean time, you two couldn’t see each other for a bit

your days began getting dull and gray, you missed your energy boy

it didn’t help that you were just about to graduate and the stress of your future was filling your head

one day, it got too much and you spent the day crying

you missed hyunjin so much and wished he could be there with you

so what do you do to organize your thoughts?

make a tiktok

choosing the song “Mr Loverman” you record yourself sitting in your bed, head in your arms and curled up in a ball

the text went along like

“If it benefits him, I want him to let me go. I miss him so much but I know that this means the world to him. I just want to hold him”

of course the viewers had no idea what you were talking about, except for one

felix walked towards where the members were having dinner

“hyung look”

watching the video and listening to the lyrics, his chest felt so heavy

he wanted to throw everything up because the sadness was eating him up

“i have to see her”

although the boys were worried about the media and what the company would say, they still let him go

sitting on the floor against your bed listening to the song on repeat, you didn’t hear hyunjin come in

spotting you, he sat in the spot next to you

you jumped and looked at him with wide eyes

“hyunjin you can’t be here! what about the company and the saesangs and-”

he kissed you and held you in his arms

“i don’t care about any of that. If i can’t have you, I don’t want any of it.”

there you two sat, holding hands and looking at the moonlight from your window

he didn’t need to have supporters when his main supporter was sitting right next to him

Jisung

i miss minsung omg

you were an idol and it was no secret that you and jisung were in love with each other

but your companies forbid you two from being with one another, at least until you had a couple more years of being an idol

you and jisung had to pretend you were best friends, but that also meant no seeing each other very often

you wanted so bad just to say fuck it and come out to the public anyway

but you knew how much music meant to him

both of your fans weren’t even mad about the rumors, they were more mad at the invasion of privacy

one day, you had a video scheduled to do a cover

and what song did you want to sing? “Mr Loverman” of course

there you sat, in a blue turtleneck topped by a brown coat and plaid tennis skirt

as you sang, the lyrics just kept getting to you

you didn’t cry but when fans watched and analyzed the video, they noticed parts where your eyes watered

stray kids were one of the first viewers

there they sat in the dorm in front of the tv

watching you sing, they all praised your voice and how pretty you looked

but jisung noticed how the song affected you, and honestly it affected him too

he got his jacket and left the dorm, ignoring the boys calls and yells

arriving at your apartment, he knocked softly

and there you were, in one of his sweaters and tears in your arms

before any of you could say anything, he hugged you and tucked his head into your neck

“jisung?” your hands played with his hair

“ we can make this work, i don’t want to lose you”

after a while of talking, you too were just watching tv and cuddling, *like in the gif*

you didn’t want to be anywhere but with him

Felix

this gif makes me fall more in love with him

Felix and you have been a couple for about a year and a half

your fans loved how wholesome your relationship was

he was the light of your life and was the biggest energy booster

felix was always cooking and baking for you

now you were another idol but you were a solo artist

you also compose songs for groups like day6

so one day you were on the radio show that young k brian hosts

“so y/n, you are very open about your relationship with Felix. what is a song that reminds you of him or your relationship.”

you talked about the song “Me and my Husband”, making sure to remind people that you and felix aren’t married yet

so they asked you to sing a part of the song for them

as you sing the lines “But when he walks in I am loved, I am loved”

they all talked about how nice your voice was and continued talking about your career

but at one point, there was a phone call to the radio show

it was felix, you were so shocked that he would call but nonetheless it made you giggle

during the call, he told you to look over the the door

you looked over and there he was, drawing a heart with his breathe that hit the window *like in the gif*

you blushed and laughed at him

you can guess how much twitter was freaking out over the interaction

at home later, you thanked him for making your day

“i just love being your number one supporter”

Seungmin

im so in love with him

although seungmin and your relationship was fairly new, you two didn’t spend as much time together

you knew each other’s boundaries and knew how much your personal lives mattered

but that didn’t mean you didn’t miss each other

you were still in school technically but you also were an intern at a hospital

this meant that you didn’t have time to spend time with seungmin since you were either at your internship or studing

your favorite pastime was tiktok and playing the piano

so in the small free time that you had, you would post covers on tiktok and you gained a huge following

seungmin and the rest of the boys followed you on their personal accounts they have one and we all know it

However one day, you were missing seungmin terribly

your body ached for the feeling of his hugs and kisses on your nose

your followers kept suggesting for you to cover the song “Mr. Loverman” so you used this opportunity to let your emotions out

Seungmin was scrolling through his following on his tiktok account and he found your new video

your sweet silky voice filled his ears and he couldn’t help but smile

but his heart was starting to feel heavy and he noticed how your voice broke just a bit

after he finished watching and saving the video, he decided to video call you

and there he was, with so much love in his eyes

“I missed you”

“i miss you too minnie”

the two of you kept on the conversation being the sweetest couple ever

he made sure to never let you feel like that again

Jeongin

hes growing up so fast im crying

you and innie were still in school

and we all know how he is so obviously being in a relationship was fairly new and crazy to him

however you had a semi career on youtube where you posted singing and dance covers of numerous songs

recently, your music teacher assigned for you and the rest of your peers to sing or create a song that you relate to deeply OR reflects on your life

you browsed through songs like Gone Days, Zombie, and other various kpop songs

but you wanted to be different and do an english song

you were pretty good at english, since it was a class you chose to take

you also knew that your viewers were wanting an english cover on your channel for a while

deciding to chose the song “mr. loverman”, you started to record

unbeknownst to you, these videos were going to be shown to several other classes

one happening to be jeongins

while in the big auditorium, several students gasped and praised your singing skills

jeongin, however, looked over at you with stars in his eyes

after school, you both went out to your favorite cafe and back to the dorms

“you sounded really good” his cheeks were heating up

“i was singing about you, you know”

that earned you a kiss on your cheek and cuddles the rest of the day

115 notes · View notes

taeswurld · 3 years

Text

Ace IV [Loud & Clear]

pairing: bakugo x fem!reader

genre: humor, romance

TW: violence, cursing, angst, fluff

Summary: Shifting into My Hero was a total mistake, all those tiktoks you watched on a daily about shifting somehow convinced your brain to take part. Now the question is how to wake up, and most importantly, DON’T GET ATTACHED TO STUPID DRAWINGS!

A/N: Lemme know if you need to be added to the taglist! Also, sorry for the inconsistent posting, I’m really busy but you guys seem to like my awful writing so here you go! Weekends is probably when I’ll be most active, if not definitely Wednesdays, but it truly depends.

{ACE MASTERLIST}

You were feeling slightly better.

Your mood swings have calmed down, now that you’ve had breakfast and your medicine. Hiro isn't on edge anymore, being friendlier with everyone.

And by friendlier, he isn’t growling at anyone who gets within 3 feet of you.

“Okay, so!” Mina, the girl who helped you out earlier pulled out a chair and sat next to you at the dining table.

“I asked Momo if she could make you some tea, because from what I hear, you don’t remember a single thing that happened last night. Correct?”

“Well, um, actually, I don't remember anything at all. Like it feels as if I got transported here. I can remember everything from my family and stuff but I honestly can barely remember who you guys are, just like small little snippets. I don't know, man, I’m so confused right now.” You run your hands down your face, stressed out.

You needed to get out of this weird dimension you’re in. You don’t know if your family might be worried, or if you’re body stayed there. Jesus, did you go into a coma? How will you wake up from this dream?

But, it’s too controlled and realistic to feel like a dream. Like you can control your actions, emotions, but you can't control everyone else’s. It's like they have a mind of their own.

“ Well, Y/N-chan, I suggest going to Mr. Aizawa for some advice. Maybe he can help you regain your memory. Since you don’t remember us clearly enough, I suggest everyone introducing themselves, and a favorite memory with you! For example,” she put the tea down next you and stood up. “My name is Momo Yaoyorozu, and my favorite memory with you has to be the time you helped me make chocolate covered strawberries with Sato for movie night!”

“That's a great idea Yaoyorozu! I’ll go next!” The tall, stiff guy with the glasses stood up. “My name is Tenya Ilda, and one of my treasured memories is the time you visited me, Midoriya, and Todorki in the hospital and played Uno!”

Hmm. All these memories they’ve claimed to have on you are all from cute little one shots you read when you felt lonely, and you were going through something with your friends. You would read them until 3 am, smothering in blankets and runny mascara after crying, wishing these characters could come to life.

Well, it’s too late to go back on your wish now.

“My favorite memory is when we laughed at this dumbass video of Kirishima’s Elmo impression so hard, that every time you grabbed onto my arm, I gave you a little shock, and we both laughed even harder! Oh,” he got super close to your face and showed a 10k watt smile. “I’m Denki Kaminari by the way!”

“You guys got a hold of that video? Mina, you promised you would show anyone!” Kirishima whined.

“Hey! You somehow beat me at Just Dance the other day! All’s fair in love and war!” she replied as she put her arm around him.

“My favorite memory is when you fought this weak ass villain during the training camp, and you still almost fucking died. You went off to cry like a fucking baby after, too.” The blonde from earlier came into view.

You remember that fic. You were fighting a blonde girl with space buns, and while you both were strong, you over powered her slightly, but not before she collected a little bit of your blood. In the end, you think Midoriya came to save you, but the girl escaped.

But what’s his problem? He’s been so fucking rude to you ever since you came here.

“What’s up with you? Did we hate each other or something? Like, honestly, did I shove a stick up your ass? Or kill your first born son?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. You genuinely had so idea why this guy seemed to hate you so much.

“Actually, as far I remember,” Midoriya started, “you and Kacchan haven’t been on good terms since school started. You guys were starting to get along a little better, until 2 days ago when you began to fight like cats and dogs again. Except this time around, it was way worse.”

Everyone looked at you, expecting the answer to a question you didn’t have the answer to.

“Look, I don't want any problems with you. You seemed to be pretty focused on whatever, so I don't wanna get in the way of that. If you have some type of beef with me, it must’ve been pretty insignificant if I can’t remember it. Just let it go,” you get up to try to calm him down. If you’re gonna stay here for a while, which by the looks of it seems like you are, you might as well play nice.

“Jesus fuck, you have some serious mood swings.” He rolls his eyes and decides to get close to you face, much like Denki was earlier. However, his eyes didn’t have any playfulness, and he definitely wasn't smiling.

“Imma say this once, you. don't. matter. I’m going hate you like I did before, and I sure as well won’t let my guard down like last time. You aren't special enough for me to treat you nice. You want me to stop insulting you?”

He somehow gets even closer to your face. So close in fact, your noses were touching. A little closer, and your lips would nest against each other.

“Stay out of my way L/N,” he whispers with as much hatred in voice as he possibly could.

In that moment, you knew he didn’t mean a single word he said.

He was looking at your eyes, searching for something. He looked tired, he clearly hadn’t had a good nights sleep in the past few days. He looked way older than he was, as if the world sucked up his life in a matter of months. He looked sad, and concerned, but for what? You had no clue.

Now, even though you did say you would avoid the asshole at all costs, you couldn't let him be alone. You could tell you two had a little something going on before you shifted, whether you guys were friends, or rivals with no ill-intent, you definitely didn't hate each other as much as everyone claimed you did.

Despite all these feelings, and his hurt expression afterwards, you replied in the coldest voice you could muster,

“Loud and clear, dickhead.”

tagslist : lanaxians-2

17 notes · View notes

horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 30

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -5.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i know its a long chapter but i didnt want to cut the smut scene. sometimes i feel like i go too far with smut but hey, you tell me. also well im slightly disappointed because i didnt really get many notes in the last chapter sooo hopefully this one doesn’t flop? thank you!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : ok so i didnt add everything in the requests but i tried!!!

Chapter 30 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

The room was dark and we remained silent for a while, both lost in our thoughts. I was thinking about what he had asked me, wondering if I was ready to get back into a relationship and somehow, it was driving me insane. Was I ready? Could I just jump back into it and move on? If I did and realized I was not ready, would our relationship end up the way it ended the first time? I felt something twist in my stomach and held my breath as i teared up. All the emotions I had felt during that time apart from him came rushing down, invading my body and confusing me even more. I knew I couldn't go through that a second time, but I also was not sure it had anything to do with the official title we could give each other. In fact, if Niall left again right now, it would probably be just as bad. Thinking about losing him made me grip the sheets of the bed hard and I bit my bottom lip so hard I actually hurt myself. The truth was, I had fallen again. No wait, 'fallen' was not the right word. I never thought being in love gave me the sensation to fall. No, it was the opposite. Being in love made you feel like you flew so high, way over the clouds. The fall, however, could literally break your neck and kill you. That's how I had felt when Niall had broken up with me a year ago. That was what I never wanted to go through ever again. But here I was, laying next to the only man I was ever in love with, the only man I'd ever be in love with, risking my sanity once again. I had it so fucking bad I didn't know how to process everything and if he cut my wings again, who was going to save me this time?

Niall's hand reached for mine that was laying in between us and held it. I squeezed his fingers instead of the sheets and sighed low. How did he do that? How did he calm me down with a simple touch? Why did he have so much control over me, physically and mentally?

"I didn't want to make things awkward between us." he finally talked in a low tone, turning his head my way. "I also don't want to pressure you into anything. Maybe I shouldn't have turned this into sex earlier, in the bath tub but... it was the first way I found to make sure I didn't have a verbal diarrhea of all the things in my mind."

I turned my head his way too and let my eyes roam on his face. I could still see him well but the features I couldn't see in the darkness were engraved in my brain anyway. It was insane the amount of time I had spent watching him and I didn't even care that it sounded so pathetic.

"Why didn't you want to tell me about the thoughts in your head?" I asked in a soft tone.

"Because I don't think you're ready to hear them."

The first thing that came to my mind was to answer him that I was ready but my heart jumped in my chest and I realized he was right. Maybe I was not ready to find out about his deep thoughts, maybe I knew it would either hurt me or stress me even more than I already was.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, feeling myself tear up. "I'm such a mess, I know."

He turned his whole body my way and brought his free hand to my head, slipping his fingers in my hair before moving closer and kissing me gently.

"Don't apologize." he let out against my lips before kissing me again. "No one is blaming you for anything, I promise. You take your time, you take whatever time you need, and I'll be here the whole time, right by your side."

"Why, Niall?" I whispered, blinking a few times before shutting my eyes tight. "Why do you want to wait for me?"

"Because I'm in love with you. Because I can't fucking live without you. Because I'm convinced we're meant to be." he replied quickly but softly. "I've always known we were meant to be. I made a few mistakes but I never stopped loving you, not even a second. And I know I was stupid and selfish but I genuinely thought it was alright because at the end of the road, it was going to be only you and me."

I wanted to smile at the reference from his song but I couldn't. I knew he was a different man but it didn't change the fact that he took me for granted when he broke up with me, and that now that he had lived what he wanted to live, he just wanted me back. I shouldn't be so bitter about it but it was not easy and when his mouth found mine again, I wrapped my arm around his waist, turning to face him, and pulled him closer.

"I want to trust you." I admitted, trying not to cry. "But it's just so hard, Niall. My heart is all in, I hope you know that. But my head... my head remembers. My head won't let me forget."

"I know petal, I know." he whispered, bringing his mouth on mine again to kiss me harder. "I don't want you to forget. I'll wait. I'll wait until you forgive me completely, I'll wait to see if you'll ever want to forgive me at all." He kissed me deeply and i felt a wave of intense love for him wash over me. "I'll wait a few lifetimes if I have to."

We kissed deeper and he pulled me against him, pressing our bodies together as I felt tears on my cheeks. I didn't know why I was so emotional but crying made me feel better. Or maybe it was him. Or a bit of both. We fell asleep together and when I woke up, I was still pressed against him. I brought my lips to his again and he groaned, answer my kiss before letting his mouth run on my jaw and neck.

"We should go hiking today." he proposed in a low tone, making me frown.

The moment we had had the night before was gone but somehow, something still lingered between us, like an emotion or a strong connection, I was not sure.

"Hiking? Yea, okay. And then bungee jumping? Sky diving, perhaps?" I let out ironically, making him laugh.

"I'm talking about hiking, not extreme sports. Just hike up a mountain, a small one!" he quickly added, making me grimace.

"That fat ass of mine didn't grow for no reason, Niall. Sport isn't my thing." I added with a smile before his hand reached for my butt.

"In no way would I want this ass to go, but baby a bit of hiking isn't that big of a deal. I'm not asking you to come for a run with me." he pointed out.

I pulled away as he grabbed my ass tighter, making me smile more. I loved him so much I would have actually agreed to go for a run with him, but I didn't mention it.

"Fine." I replied, making his face illuminate suddenly. "But you wait for me at all times and if I want a break, we take a break."

"Deal!"

The hike to the top was not as tough as I thought it would be and since Niall knew how clumsy I was, he helped me every time he noticed I needed it. I loved feeling his hand in mine, even if only for a few seconds, and it always surprised me how strong he was. We stood at the top and I tried to catch my breath as I looked around. Despite being not that high, the sight was very nice and I suddenly felt happy that I agreed to that.

I pushed my hair behind my shoulders, now totally aware of how dirty it was, and rubbed the back of my hand on my sweaty forehead. Without thinking, I gripped Niall's fingers and didn't let go as I looked at the skyline. I felt him grip my fingers tighter but he remained silent for a while before taking his phone out. He let go of my fingers to take a few pictures but I still kept quiet until I finally turned around. My lips curled when I noticed he was taking a picture of me and I shook my head.

"Nop, none of that!" I let out with a chuckle as I took a few steps closer, putting my hand in front of my face. "I'm all sweaty and dirty."

"That's your best state!" he argued with a laugh when I realized he was actually filming.

"Oh my god, Niall stop filming!"

He laughed more and pulled me closer to kiss me. I let him press his mouth on mine and closed my eyes, perfectly aware that he was actually filming that kiss, too. I wanted to be annoyed but the truth was, I liked it. I wanted souvenirs of us, too, even if I already had a ton of those. He pulled his phone down, still kissing me, and he probably put it back in his pockets because I felt both his hands reach for my jaw and neck. I felt the salty taste of his skin on my tongue and it made my whole body throb. Everything about him was turning me on.

"Fuck, you taste so good." I whispered, making him smile against my lips.

"I'm all sweaty." he pointed out with a chuckle as I shrugged before he became serious again. "If we were a normal couple, I'd post that video on instagram with the caption 'I love her'. I'd post the picture I took of you with the skyline, too. I'd probably caption it with, 'the most beautiful sight' like the cheesy man I am and I'd be talking about you. I'd take a selfie of us right now and post it too. Our friends would like it and leave comments about how disgustingly sweet we are. My cousins would make fun of me. Louis would comment everything by laughing at us with a few emojis and curse words. And we wouldn't give a fuck because we'd know they'd just be jealous."

The thought made me sad but at the same time, his words were nice to hear. Sometimes, I allowed myself to imagine that we were both still living in Ireland together. We'd have normal jobs, hang out on the weekend, meet on wednesdays for a drink or two with our friends, and keep going to the movies only us two every friday night. Perhaps he would have fallen in love with me anyway, or I liked to believe it, and we'd buy a house together and probably a dog. We'd take long walks through the familiar streets and maybe fly to France once in a while to see my parents. I couldn't tell if this story was better than the one we were going through right now and I tried to convince myself that the context was different, but the feelings would be exactly the same. Would they, though? Would Niall really love me that way? Would we have drifted apart? Would he have found an other girl, a girl I probably knew, someone that went to school with us, someone I would be jealous of forever, even after I would have found someone, too?

I swallowed the lump in my throat, knowing I would never know, and just tilted my head as I stared at Niall. He looked amazing, as he always did, and I just sighed.

"I'd probably post a million of pictures of you, especially pictures of you when you fall asleep on the couch. I have tons of those on my phone."

He frowned and his lips parted as he pulled away a bit, his arms now around my waist. "No you don't!"

"I do! And they're password protected so don't even try to delete them!" I pointed out with a smile, making him grimace. "More seriously, Niall. I like our story. We're not a normal couple and it's alright. We're both very private anyway and everyone in the world getting a glimpse of us like we were some reality tv show to follow... I wouldn't like that."

"I know." he whispered, making me smile sadly.

"I barely post on social medias anyway, but apparently it was a 'good idea' to make them official and stuff. Not my idea."

He laughed. "Yea I sort of guessed." he admitted, bending down again to kiss me. "Okay how about I treat you to a nice restaurant now? Then we can end the night in our incredible motel room, what do you say?"

"And I'll show you the surprise I brought." I added with a smirk. Immediately, he frowned and I chuckled. "Don't worry, you'll like it."

The whole time it took us to go back to the car, I spent it thinking about what he had talked about. Us being a normal couple and doing normal things together. It was all a fantasy, but it was still interesting to imagine.

We agreed that we needed a shower first and quickly took one together before getting dressed. I was surprised neither of us had tried to start something in the shower but I really wanted to build the lust between us and perhaps, that's what he wanted to.

The restaurant was crowded and I just hoped no one would recognize us. Niall asked for a table far from the door and we ended up in a corner and hidden from most people, which made me feel slightly better. I proposed to sit so he was facing the wall to make sure he wouldn't be recognized and finally, we asked for a bottle of wine and ordered our meals. I felt uncomfortable in the dress I had picked and realized that I hadn't actually worn something like that in a while, except for the wedding we went to. Niall never complained about the clothes I would wear and that was nice. He always had a nice comment when I was wearing a dress or a skirt but he also made a few raunchy comments when I was in sweatpants so I was not sure it had anything to do with the clothes.

"You look gorgeous." he just said, making me smile as I brought my glass to my lips.

"I love what you're wearing, too." I pointed out, raising my eyebrows.

His suit was a lighter blue than what I was used to and it looked nice on him. I stared at the chain on his neck and tilted my head, enjoying the fact that he was not wearing a tie.

"I'm very glad you love showing your chest hair because I really love seeing it."

He laughed more than I expected as he filled my glass again.

"You know what I love? You. Naked. Laying on a bed and ready for me." he whispered with a smirk.

"That's very very dirty of you." I chuckled, taking a sip. "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"You're the one who gets very dirty when you're drunk." he pointed out with a smile. "But no, I'm not. Are you gonna tell me what's the surprise you brought?"

"If I tell you, you may want to skip dessert."

"I skip desserts often now, I'm not 15 anymore." he rolled his eyes with a smile.

"Try more 20. You love dessert." I raised my nose up before pressing my lips together. I watched him as he looked down at his plate and took a bite of his food before taking a sip of wine. "Handcuffs. I brought handcuffs."

I didn't expect that but he literally choked on his wine, making me laugh. I tried to hide it by biting my bottom lips and he finally cleared his throat. I felt bad when I saw his eyes water but he finally found his breath back and blinked a few times, staring at me.

"Why?"

"The other day you said you wanted me all tied down." I just shrugged. "I just thought it was worth a try."

He stared at me again and I stared back, my smile turning into a fond one as I tilted my head.

"You're ready to try anything, aren't you?"

"Almost, yea." I admitted, shrugging only one shoulder this time. "If it turns you on then, i'm in!"

"That gives me so many thoughts." he admitted with a laugh and I could swear he started eating quickly after that.

I finished my plate and when his eyes met mine again, I smiled more. I meant what I had said, I was ready to try many things with him, whether it was sexual or not, and the thought of loving each other with so much distance between us like we would have to do very soon made me hold my breath. That, too, I was ready to try. And he had promised he wouldn't see anyone else, which reassured me more than I thought it would. Was I starting to trust him again?

"You're right. We're gonna skip dessert." he finally let out, making me laugh again.

We finally asked cakes to go and he left the bag near the door as soon as we walked in the room. His lips found mine and I kissed him back, chuckling against his mouth as we stumbled around to reach the bed.

"You think someone saw us today?" I asked low, pushing his jacket off his shoulders as it fell on the carpet with a thud.

"No, we're good at this. You know what else we're good at?" he replied, letting two of his fingers slip in the front of my dress to pull it down. "Fuck, you're not wearing a bra."

"I knew you'd like it." I mentioned with a smile, unbuttoning his shirt and pushing it off his shoulders before working on his pants. "How bad do you want to use me?"

His eyes found mine and I could swear I saw something in his facial expression, something brutal, rough, something that came from instinct, something visceral, as if he wanted to grab me by the throat and use me until I'd beg him to stop.

I reached for the zipper of my dress and squirmed out of it before taking a step back and moving my panties down. He just stared at me, shirtless with his pants unzipped, and all I could think about was him on top of me, making me cum over and over again. He looked at me like he was literally going to jump on me and I tilted my head, nibbling on my bottom lip but staying out of reach.

"They're in the front pocket of my bag." I just mentioned.

It took him a few seconds but he finally found them as I sat on the bed, my heart accelerating as he walking closer. It was the very first time I would allow someone to do something like that to me and even if it was making me nervous, it was also extremely exciting.

"Are you sure you're ready to let me do that?"

I swallowed hard and nodded. "Mmhm, I trust you."

I did. I trusted him with my body. I trusted that he would make me cum good, that he wouldn't do anything that I didn't want to, even if I was tied up, and I trusted that he wouldn't just leave me there or anything like that.

He made me lay down on my back and used the handcuffs to tie me to the bed before letting his eyes roam on my body for a few seconds. The position was not uncomfortable but I knew it was going to be hard not to move at all.

"If at any moment you want me to untie you, or if you hurt, you tell me, okay?" I nodded and his eyes moved on my legs. "Fuck I wish I could tie your legs too. If you move them too much I'm gonna spank you so fucking hard you won't be able to sit for a week."

His words made my heart jump in my chest and he moved closer to the bed, his hand slipping between my legs and reaching my pussy.

"Just tie one of my legs with a pair of sweatpants."

His eyes found mine as his eyebrows raised. "Are you serious?"

He looked surprised but I just nodded and quickly, he did what I proposed. The knot was not really tight and if I moved enough, I could probably untie it, but when he brought his hand back between my legs, I felt totally submitted to him. He pushed his pants down with his free hand and my lips parted when I saw his hard cock spring out of his pants. I had no idea why I was so turned on by him but I suddenly started thinking about all these years I thought about him on top of me, late at night, back when he didn't even see me as a potential lover.

"You're so fucking wet. And impatient." he pointed out, running his fingers up my stomach and leaving a wet trace on my skin before going back between my legs. His pushed his fingers inside me and I let out a whimper, feeling my eyes flutter. "Fuck, I don't know how I'm gonna last. Just the sight of you all tied up is making me so fucking hard."

I watched him bring his hand to his cock, rubbing it with my wetness until it was coated and despite myself, I let out a short whimper. He moved closer to me, rubbing the tip of his cock on my lips and quickly, I wrapped my lips around his tip. He grabbed the back of my head to hold it and pushed his cock in my mouth, making me choke before pulling back.

"That sound is fucking amazing." he pointed out before doing it again.

I choked one more time but the more he did it, the more used I was getting and when he finally pulled away completely, I swallowed hard and panted. My heart was beating hard but I was not sure if it was because of lust or because it stressed me a bit to be in this situation.

"Stick your tongue out." he ordered before tapping his cock a few times on it. "Look at me."

My gaze quickly found his and he groaned, rubbing his cock on my tongue for about a minute before moving away. My eyes followed him as he took his pants off completely along with his socks and got on the bed, between my legs. He let both his hands run on my legs and my thighs before reaching my pussy he bent down just to suck on my clit for a while, making my eyes roll back in my head as I moaned. Slowly, he crawled on top of me and fingered me slowly as his thumb rubbed on my clit.

"You're mine, yea?" he asked, looking straight in my eyes as my lips parted. "Say it."

My eyes fluttered as I felt an orgasm build in my stomach and he probably felt me clench around his fingers because he quickly took his hand away and I let out a moan in protest.

"You're mine."

"Mm, I'm yours."

I thought about that time he fingered me in my room for the first time in months, and I remembered he had asked me the same thing. I never thought Niall was an insecure person and I knew it was probably just because the fact that I belonged to him turned him on, but it was also right after he found out about Louis and I.

I thought he'd push his fingers back inside me but instead, he moved up, placing his knees on each sides of my chest before brushing his cock on my mouth. It throbbed on my lips and the thought was so hot that I almost came. He started jerking off, his tip hitting my lips before I finally opened them and sucked on it again. He groaned, pulling his cock up and I whimpered as I ran my tongue on his balls, taking one in my mouth and sucking on it. This time, he let out a moan and started grinding against me.

"Fuck, your mouth always drives me so fucking crazy."

He moved back, rubbing his cock on one of my tits before taking place between my legs again and rubbing the tip of his cock on my clit. I squirmed, unable to move, and pulled on my arms. The handcuffs made a light noise against the bars of the bed and he looked up.

"Gentle. You don't want to hurt your wrists do you?" he asked, raising his eyebrows as a smirk draw itself on his lips. "I know you want to cum but a little edging has never killed anyone, yeah?"

I hated edging. I knew the whole point but Niall was a tease and being so close to cum over and over again was torture for me. Clearly, it turned him on though and I bit my bottom lip very hard.

"You look so desperate." he added. "Look at you, fuck."

"Please, please fuck me."

His eyes moved up to look into mine and he seemed surprised by my plea. "I love when you beg me."

Instead to do as I implored, he slid a finger on my slit and pushed it in my ass, making me squirm again. "I haven't done that since the last time I did it with you."

I held my breath, my heart suddenly racing, and he added two fingers in my pussy to fuck me slowly. I could feel his hard cock press against one of my thighs and I just wanted him deep inside me.

"You let anyone else fuck your ass this year?" he wondered as I quickly shook my head. "Good girl. I promise I'll make you cum harder than anyone ever has."

I tried to relax and my eyes fluttered when I felt the tip of his cock push against my ass. I breathed in and let out a few curse words when it was finally in, opening my eyes to look at him again. He spit in his hand and brought it to his cock. I felt him jerk off a bit before pushing the rest of his dick inside me and bringing his hand up, rubbing his thumb quickly on my clit at the same time.

"The way you throb around me... fuck, I don't know how long I'm gonna last."

He focused on what he was doing, pushing himself in and out of me slowly as I wiggled and whimpered. He was bringing me so close to an orgasm and when he felt I was about to cum, he moved his hand away from my pussy and pushed himself deeper in my ass.

"Niall please, please make me cum."

I didn't expect him to start fucking me harder but he did and even if he wasn't touching me anymore, I knew I was about to cum.

"Jesus fucking christ,"

I felt him shake as he got an orgasm but he pulled out of me and continued to cum on my pussy, bringing his thumb on my clit and rubbing it quickly with his sperm and making me reach immediately my own peak. I shook and cursed, feeling him rub his tip on my thigh, spreading more of his orgasm on me.

It took me a few seconds before I finally opened my eyes and I smiled when he lied down on top of me to kiss me. His lips moved slowly against mine but it's only when I pulled on my arms again that he chuckled against my mouth.

"Alright, alright. I'm untying you."

He started by my ankle and finally undid the handcuffs, bringing one of my wrists to his lips and kissing it gently. He moved back over me to kiss me again and I wrapped my arms around his neck, trapping him with my thighs on each sides of his waist.

"You're such a tease." I chuckled in his mouth.

"Hey that was the whole point." he argued with a small laugh. "Was good?"

"Mmhm, definitely."

After a few minutes, he sighed and moved away. "I really need to pee, I'm sorry."

I laughed and waited until he came back to go to the bathroom too and clean myself. When I joined him back in bed, the lights were off and he was under the sheets. I quickly cuddled his side and he wrapped his arm around me. We remained in silence and once again, a wave of love flooded inside me. It was always that way, late at night, when I was in his arms, and I was scared it would drive me insane to not be able to cuddle him at night when he'll be away.

"Thank you for trusting me." he whispered. "I really hope someday you can trust me again with your heart, and not just with your body."

I licked my lips, not really sure of what to answer. I knew the post-orgasm feeling was making me a bit euphoric but I wanted to tell him that I would. I wanted to tell him he just needed to be patient again... just for a very short time period. I wanted to tell him that I knew I would eventually give myself to him completely again, that he would definitely have the chance to break me again, to hurt me in a way no one else could hurt me. Instead, I swallowed my words and closed my eyes.

"I'm gonna fucking miss you, Niall." I whispered, knowing my voice would crack if I talked louder. I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat, feeling something stir in my stomach. He kissed the top of my head and I didn't know if I was going to be able to stop myself from crying. His voice reached my ear in a soft murmur and I hugged him tighter.

"Not as much as I'll miss you."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #my fanfics #yam

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rainydawgradioblog · 3 years

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a covidsation with mary claire

For the first Covidsation for autumn quarter, here is an interview I did back in May with Mary Claire, my dear friend and one of my favorite local artists. Mary Claire is a singer-songwriter based here in Seattle who makes “sad girl rock” (see: Mitski, Angel Olsen, etc.). I first met them through the DIY scene and was lucky enough to book them at the finale Red Room show, a house venue I used to live at and help run. As evidenced by the picture below taken that very night, seeing Mary Claire play live is a magical, mesmerizing, captivating experience. Often accompanied with minimal, but tonally-rich instrumentals, their powerful and hauntingly stunning voice paired with visceral, poetic lyrics transport you into another realm. I *highly* recommend listening to their album Phantom Limb, which you can find on your streaming platform of choice or you can snag a physical copy at Everyday Music on the Hill like I did! Last month, they also just released an incredible stop-motion music video for their song off PL called “I Don’t Like Drinking”, directed, edited, and animated by Barb Hoffman, which you can find here! Thank you Mary Claire for these thoughtful responses and for creating such vulnerable, beautiful art <3

Lola Gil: Tell me about your project. How has it evolved? Which artists are you most inspired by? How would you describe your sound?

Mary Claire: Hi hi I’m Mary Claire. I was never someone who was playing music since they were a little kiddo, it was something I picked up my senior year of high school. But pretty much everyone in my family has some amazing and weirdly specific aptitude for music, so I think being surrounded by that kind of allowed me to gather an eclectic, personal understanding, appreciation, and internalized feeling for music, so I never really took lessons or anything like that. I enjoyed and still enjoy that from the start, I was okay with the fact that I didn’t know “academic” theory and I just played with what feels and sounds right. And I still do that. So I played around with all those youthful punk feelings and had an angsty band in high school that was not bad for small town Sacramento. I think I learned so much from that and it gave me a flood of unhindered and unhinged confidence for recording, performing, maneuvering stage mechanics and technicalities, etc. Also it introduced me into the world of songwriting that I did for that band and for myself that just immediately poured out of me, which led me to what I’m doing now. I am extremely lyrically-focused and write mostly about lived personal experience that I surrender to and make extremely overly-wordy. I went from a solo act, to a bigger full piece crunchier band, to me and a piano player, back to a solo set, so I’m really just kind of evolving with my resources, the songs I’m currently living in and playing, and with what would bring everything to life most fully.

I’m inspired by everyone, even if I don’t necessarily sound like them or listen to them all the time. Like, my adoration for incredibly angry punk music is what got me started in the creation of my own music, so that foundation will never leave me. Even though I won’t sound like IDLES or Shame or Pissed Jeans, their point of view and their devotion to cramming so many words into one breath is a place I also come from. We execute similar feelings in different ways. And though I currently am not anything like Yves Tumor, King Krule, or FKA Twigs, the layers in their stuff sends me so far. But I think lyrically and melodically, I pull inspiration from and sink most into Mitski, Sasami, Angel Olsen, Palehound, Big Thief, Bella Porter, Darci Phenix, Fiona Apple, Sufjan Stevens, Izumi, and Weyes Blood.

Someone once said my tunes are “sad girl rock” and I think that sticks in a fun, quick way, so that’s what I tell people. But more recently, the stuff on my upcoming album I think is like a sad, fucked up, incredibly fast-paced nursery rhyme book (lol). I’m really excited for this album I wrote, more than anything ever. Also my good friend and twin flame Francis is helping me record it and is giving me a lot of knowledge and challenges and affirmations and inspiration. I owe a lot of this second album’s production and complexity him. There are a lot more people involved in the recording of this one, so it’s a lot fuller in a new and exciting and scary way.

LG: As an artist, how have you been affected by the pandemic? I saw most of your tour you had booked was unfortunately cancelled-- are you planning on rescheduling?

MC: Rescheduling feels so completely beyond me right now, so I am just considering it to be cancelled until things in the world really start to settle down to some degree of safety and responsibility. However, the silver lining in all of this ‘rona stuff is that it has given me a ton of time to recenter myself with my music and devote my own energy into recording and feeling the core of my upcoming album. I think when the world is moving so fast, it’s easy for me to feel like I’m behind, like other people are getting shit done faster and in a more “impressive way”, in a way that matters more or has more inherent value. So when we are all forced to stay at home with ourselves, not only does it remind me that all of those insecurities are completely not real and are in fact a delusion borne from a capitalistic-productivity-equals-artistic-worth-framework, but I also get time to actually enjoy and fine tune what I otherwise might have just thrown out into the ether desperately and prematurely in hopes to be current and up to date and ~with it~.

LG: Have you been working on writing any new tunes? Have you been involved in any other creative projects recently?

MC: When I was recording Phantom Limb, I wrote the majority of my next upcoming album, so while those songs don’t feel incredibly new, there is a ton of stuff I have yet to share and that I am so eager to scream to the world. It feels like some of the stuff I am most proud of making in my entire life.

But since I left for Berlin to study abroad last fall to when I came back to Seattle this January, I really hadn’t written anything new. I think I had been going through a lot of personal and immense change and hard growth that wasn’t particularly inspiring, it just sucked and was intense and necessary, but sometimes all that bad stuff is not something you can just make art out of. Plus I had to just do something totally different and invest and surrender to techno and being a gross city Eurotrash gremlin and let that out cathartically. But recently, I wrote my first super new song in what feels like ages, and I’m so happy. I was afraid maybe I’d forgotten how to do it, but it’s pouring out of me again and I feel like me again. I have also been working a bit back and forth with a friend from the project World Peace. We just keep sending clips back and forth and weaving our separate projects together a bit, which is something I’ve never done and I’m having a ton of fun, especially because our music is so different. Besides that, I have some plans to work with another good friend Izumi after having adored them the moment I moved here.

LG: How have you personally been dealing with the pandemic and the craziness that is 2020? What has your quarantine experience been like so far?

MC: I went home to Sacramento for a month and watched more TV than I had probably in my entire life. It was really good to see my family and siblings who I miss so much. But I came back to Seattle in April and since then have just been spending my days in a limbo of online school weirdness. But I’m so fortunate that I live with so many people who are all so unique, all of whom I feel are my best friends. So I definitely don’t get too bored:)

LG: What music have you been listening to during quarantine? What has been your go-to isolation album?

MC: Okay to be honest, when I begin to think of my next album and what it feels like inside of me, I make one single playlist with like hours and hours of songs on it and it’s the only thing I listen to for like a year. So I’m prone to listening to the same stuff perpetually forever and always, but I think I’ve always sort of been like that. It makes the feeling familiar. But since I’ve felt close to the sounds of my upcoming album for a long while now, I’ve actually pretty much been listening to what is my ~album 3~ inspo playlist, because I already feel that beast growing inside of me. I’m a planner.

Most of the artists on those playlists are the ones I listed above in regards to who I feel are my biggest inspirations. But right when quarantine started though I would pretty much only play Man Alive!, I would just go through the whole thing and then restart immediately. When I was in Sacramento, my family had a rule I could only play it with headphones because it was literally nonstop, that’s just how I consume things; I take a bath in them until I feel every single part of what was made. But other than that, I’ve been bumping Peter Campanelli’s Pesto Baby and crying a lot about it, Darci Phenix’s (my best bud from Sac) Juniper Street which is some of the best songwriting literally ever, and Francis Farmer’s Bruised Fruit which is SO expertly recorded and thought out, I am so lucky he is my friend and wants to record my upcoming album with me.

LG: Arethere any spring shows that you were particularly looking forward to attending that got cancelled?

MC: Pretty much all of them imaginable.

LG: How do you think the Seattle music scene is going to be like post-COVID?

MC: Hopefully, this can recenter us and remind us we’re all really really and truly in this together. It’s up to us to lift each other up and get each other on bills and spread the word and create community for those who need it most and for those whose lives rely on this art. Seattle seems like it is really good at that on a small scale, but once it gets to a little bit larger stage, it’s easy for people to forget where they came from, who supported them, and what should be at the forefront of our radars. I think shedding this cool guy persona and getting back to why this shit is so important and listening to/PROMOTING smaller artists who are making The Best stuff is something everyone could be reminded to do.

LG: In this funky era of social distancing, how do you think artists can support each other during these weird and difficult times? How do you think social media is facilitating and/or inhibiting connection within Seattle’s overall creative community?

MC: I think people’s ability to make what seemed like such an immediate switch to social media music promotion and shows was really amazing. However, it makes me feel a bit hopeless and dystopian and sci-fi in a weird way. That being said, trying to resist the change has only proven to be detrimental to me and kind has come back to kick me in the ass. Like, I should not be turning down opportunities just because livestreams kind of freak me out in how foreign and disconnected they can appear to be. I’m no better than them, and it’s important I think to accept things where they’re at instead of pretending they’re not happening.

That being said, I think everyone has been maneuvering with such grace and empathy and compassion for others in a way that I can really feel, and I hope that sticks around forever.

- Lola Gil

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kjissexy1994 · 3 years

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WORDS OF SHAKESPEARE: ALBUMS OF SUCKAGE: Limp Bizkit-Results May Vary

The year was 2001, Nu Metal was riding high with bands such as Alien Ant Farm with their cover of Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal,” Linkin Park had a dynamic debut with Hybrid Theory and of course Jacksonville’s Red capped dynamos Limp Bizkit were still breathing in the success of their third album suggestively titled “Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavoured Water” with tracks such as “My Generation,” “Boiler” and of course “Rollin (Air Raid Vehicle)” famously used as the entrance theme of legendary professional wrestler The Undertaker in the WWE (then known as WWF) during 2001 when he had the guise of the “American Badass” biker gimmick, but however with Limp Bizkit still embroiled with the controversy over the crushing and death of 15 year old Jessica Michalik during their infamous set at the 2001 Big Day Out Festival in Sydney and the Announcement of guitarist and heart and soul of the group, Wes Borland parting ways with the band to focus on side projects and his other band “Big Dumb Face,” left Fred Durst to pick up the pieces to record their fourth album.

As the band went through six guitarists during recording of the album (including Fred Durst and Bassist Sam Rivers) They went on a nationwide search for a new guitarist with the “Put Your Guitar Where Your Mouth Is” competition, Limp Bizkit then settled with former Snot guitarist Mike Smith and recorded a number of songs for the album which went through name changes with “Bipolar,” “Panty Sniffer,” “Less is More,” “The Search for Teddy Swoes,” before ultimately going with the generic and subtle “Results May Vary.”

Most of the songs recorded with Smith were cut due to executive meddling by Durst and it showed resulting in a depressing puerile mishmash of heavy and bleak tracks.

This album received a massive tonne of negative reception when it was released in September of 2003 after numerous delays, being ranked in at number 3 as the lowest scored album behind “Playing with Fire” by Kevin Federline. It was even being touted by some people as the album that “killed Nu Metal” which is a genre I loathe entirely as it was in a deep decline during that year.

Let’s go in the deep hole of RMV to hear why this album goes into the mantle of an “Album of SUCKAGE.”

RE-ENTRY

The intro track consists of a circus barker yelling to a kid (voiced by Fred Durst) for sixty seconds explaining about Limp Bizkit as “the most ferociously soothing ways of sonic communication to ever be created”

Okay, so I guess they were trying to copy the “Insane Clown Posse” here?

Then it bursts in a generic rock riff with Fred Durst telling people that all around the world knows him, slowing down and fading out with a drum beat... that’s it.

I mean, I was expecting the guitar riff to build up to something exciting instead of this. I know it’s only an intro, but I do know that it’ll go down hill from here on followed by the first single of this album known as...

EAT YOU ALIVE

This song running for four minutes is outright disturbing, the lyrics, the main chorus even the music video featuring Fred Durst kidnapping Thora Birch in a forest, spraying her with gasoline and screaming into a megaphone to her whilst the band plays! The lyrics consists of Durst singing about wanting a girl to look at him and having a strong desire to “sniff her panties?” *VOMITS!* If you ever said those lyrics to a girl that you love in real life, she would immediately break up with you and be warranted a restraining order. The drums and bass sound generic and the guitar work tries to build this up as some sort of a fight song which immediately fails to do so...this was also the first single of this album. THIS WAS THE FIRST SINGLE OF THIS ALBUM...I am not making this up, why on earth would Limp Bizkit release this as the first single of this album, not to mention getting a disturbing music video?

Ugh...

GIMME the Mic

This track is just another generic Nu Metal sounding track, the guitars sound very pungent in aggression but the rest of the instruments deliver nothing. The main hook is heavily sampled from Eric B and Rakin’s Microphone Fiend, later covered by Rage Against The Machine (which I kind of dislike due to their political beliefs) On their posthumous “Renegades” covers album as Limp Bizkit are downright infamous for sampling hooks such as the main chorus of Nine Inch Nails’

“Closer” for their expletive laden song titled “Hot Dog” on “Chocolate Starfish”. Add in Durst’s trademark whiny anger, pathetic song writing and rapping and you have a stinky sounding Nu Metal song that can be made on a “Nu Metal Band Maker” software. Aggressive generic riffs, whiny angry lyrics, fake b-grade angst: profit!

No wonder why that this album and the cover song that I’ll get to later on is one of the factors that killed mainstream Nu Metal in 2003! Next!

UNDERNEATH THE GUN

This song is the first in the number of songs that Fred shows his singing ability and it just sounds absolutely bland and Monotonous. The instruments such as Sam Rivers on the drums and the chords on the guitar have very good delivery and build up in the bridge, but it just sounds absolutely hindered with Fred trying to stay awake singing a song about “suicide and the struggle you have when ending your life becomes an option” with such a dull melody and it goes on for almost six minutes...I mean why did many red Yankees cap wearing Limp Bizkit fans fall for buying this album? The sad sad fact that it sold more copies than any Motörhead albums baffles me extremely. Our god Lemmy must be turning in his grave...

DOWN ANOTHER DAY

Jesus tap dancing Christ, we go from Fred’s whiny anger fuelled tirades to another mellow monotone delivery about our hero singing about missing his summer love (presumably Britney Spears during his somewhat extremely messy affair during the recording of “In the Zone”) and having to deal with the next winter. The lyrics in the main chorus and bridge are repetitive as hell and the instruments are just nearly nonexistent with little or no effort, not to mention that this song is also plagued with very pathetic songwriting...just garbage time indeed...

ALMOST OVER

Yet another extremely repetitive track, explaining Durst’s life from growing up learning how to rap, taking a lot of crap, and being treated as a clown as a little boy to learning how to lose and getting treated as a clown as an older man. Fred rhymes the end of the verses with the words “Little Boy,” and “Older Man” 16 times and the word “Baby” 19 times, totalling up to 51 times!

Another song wrecked by abysmal songwriting from the red capped turd himself, The instruments are getting worse with every track sounding more and more generic with little or no build up, which is sad because Sam Rivers, John Otto and Mike Smith are such good musicians but are being hindered heavily due to Durst’s whiny vocals...the next track should be good, can it?

BUILD A BRIDGE

Ehhh...okay, this song has a bog standard melody and instruments with such a strong build up in the bridge but it’s passable at least, this song features Brian “Head” Welch from KoRn who is a very talented guitarist and perhaps one of the only Nu Metal bands I can tolerate listening to, but his ability is kind of wasted here due to Durst’s sub par ability to sing, not to mention these are one of the songs rumoured to be impulsively directed to Britney Spears. Imagine being one of the guitarists of one of the bands that invented the “Nu Metal” genre only to record a song about being involved with one the most popular pop singers of the time of release?

“LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!” - Chris Croker, 2007

RED LIGHT GREEN LIGHT (Featuring Snoop Dogg)

Another Rap/Hip Hop duet with one of the biggest rap/ hip hop legends, and still it’s repetitive as hell despite the funky beat from DJ Lethal as well as Snoop Dogg calling Fred Durst his “nephew” with the lyric “Snoop dogg is in the place to see, do it with my nephew Freddy d.”

You have no relation with this pile of gutter trash whatsoever!!!

This song is attempting to repeat the success with “N 2 Gether Now” featuring Method Man four years earlier in “Significant Other” but it fails massively with Fred’s lyrics in the first and third verses ending with “Baby” 25 times with the same word repeated 10 times in the main chorus totalling up to 35 times. I would be ashamed to have been Snoop to record a duet with who used to be one of the biggest people in music during Limp Bizkit’s popularity from 1999-2001 not to mention rapping a duet to call him his “nephew!”

The bonus track “Take It Home” which heavily samples the song “Milk and Honey” by Bonnie Dobson is another sub par effort having Fred repeat the lyric “Crying Myself To Sleep” whilst DJ Lethal jams....NEXT!

THE ONLY ONE

Mike Smith is trying to do an acceptable riff or two which I praise for but the effort is just completely wasted, this song is just another whinge-fest with lyrics about using terms of having sex and making out such as “first base” (again presumably directed to Britney) but it just sounds absolutely whiny and generic with Fred singing with heavily instrumentation behind him as he repeatedly screaming the word “NOTHING!” Towards the end and it just ends after that.

Such a putrid mess...

Oh and the lyric “It’s No Big Deal?”

It is a big deal when you’re trying to record a follow up to your previous multi platinum when your most talented member leaves and you have to pick up the pieces with six guitarists, two being yourself and Sam Rivers.

LET ME DOWN

“Let Me Down” has a lot of effort but has simple and dull instrumentation and Durst sounds a lot better than the previous tracks, but however the lyrics are very iffy such as “Heartbreak is a Headache, like a toothquake or an earthquake” “Spontaneous Combustion leaves a taste that’s so disgustin’” and “Rumours are Tumours?” Whilst this song is somewhat passable it’s still coming from a 33 year old at the time whining about life and struggles.

LONELY WORLD

Another song about Fred Durst, whining about his past life such as hating high school with bullies trying to put him down as well as making out with his gothic girlfriend out in the creek whilst his mother was asleep along with gross lyrics such as “Just a little skater boy they could pick on

I learned to forgive 'em

Now I got the balls they can lick on”

Jesus Christ Fred! You were 33 years old at the time of release! Just do us a favour and grow up at least. The main chorus and bridge is still very tedious repeating the main title of the song in a total of 37 times. Un-fucken-believable!

PHENOMENON

After what would’ve been an extremely energetic guitar intro from Mike Smith, The band just slams on the breaks with our hero Fred introducing himself as “the incredible, subliminal, the INFREDIBLE D.”

Here we go again with copy, pasting and editing lyrics of other music groups songs and claiming them your own (the song being Bring the Noize with Anthrax featuring Public Enemy).

The main chorus has a lot of effort but the verses, consisting of Fred Durst’s cruisy rapping,

Not to mention the section after the bridge references “Pollution” from their debut album from 1997 “Three Dollar Bill Y’all” which contains the lyric “Gonna Bring that beat back” which is perhaps the only good album from the band themselves (apart from that Faith cover).

“Phenomenon” is just a ratty mishmash of heavy instrumentation in the main chorus and laidback rapping from Fred in the verses.

CREAMER (RADIO IS DEAD)

Another song with Fred Durst taking an aim against the haters proclaiming “Take a look at me now I’m Mr Worldwide and you’re nothing!” But it contains such sucky lyrics and rhymes such as “Mr Halitosis-of the Breath” and verses and the main chorus such as “Hateraid”, and “rolling dice and getting laid” respectively. Fred also believes that “Radio is Dead. Why’s that? Because many radio stations worldwide won’t play your shoddy music anymore? (Unlike Triple M that continues the play that song in two tracks time) plus what’s with the title “Creamer?” A Frank reference to ejaculation? A quick fact, A massive portion of the song was recycled from Limp Bizkit’s unfinished cover of Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s “Relax” which was intended to be in the Ben Stiller movie “Zoolander” hence the title being in the second verse” and Fred Durst’s “blink and you’ll miss it” cameo in the aforementioned movie. Ben Stiller is his “favourite motherfucker” after all.

HEAD FOR THE BARRICADE

An energetic, aggressive fight song against bullying which blatantly references the 1999 Columbine High School shooting in the intro, not paying respect to the victims? How fucking low is that? This song also heavily borrows the refrain “Stick Em, Ha Ha Ha Stick Em!” From The Fat Boys song titled “Human Beatbox” for the main chorus which most of the album and previous albums before it samples lyrics from other songs. Another lyric that catches my ear is “The World can make you sick to your stomach so I put on my headphones and listen to the “Deftones.”

Yeah, I’d rather listen to a huge dose of Deftones after listening to this pile of puke.

I praise the guitar work and build up from Mike Smith which shows his full potential in this song as his talent was heavily wasted in this album, but I still criticise this song for deliberately referencing the shooting tragedy at Columbine High School with no respect to the victims families. You’ve just damaged your reputation with this song in this album Fred, oh wait...it’ll be damaged even further with the next track....

Now we’re getting to the “shitty gritty” of this album...one of the...most disrespectful covers...that still gets played on Triple M seventeen years after it’s original release...and what cemented its place as the cover song that signalled the death of mainstream Nu Metal...

*WARNING: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE USED HEAVILY*

BEHIND BLUE EYES (THE WHO COVER)

*VIOLENTLY VOMITS INTENSELY*

WHERE DO I FUCKING BEGIN WITH THIS PILE OF MONKEY SHIT?

This cover of a classic rock ballad from The Who, one of my favourite rock bands of all time from my favourite albums “Who’s Next” is just indescribably DISRESPECTFUL, PUTRID AND WEAK AS PISS!!! Complete from the non existent sampled guitar work, Fred Durst’s inability to sing with his monotonous delivery of vocals and the dreary sound effects in the main chorus sounding like when you turn on a Sony PlayStation 2.

There is absolutely NO EMOTION in this cover at all! In the original version from The Who, Roger Daltrey sings this song with heavy emotion plus he sounds very angry in the bridge section. And where is the bridge section in this cover exactly? Oh...it’s replaced with a Speak N Spell, A FUCKING SPEAK N SPELL saying “Discover” and spelling “L.I.M.P” part of their terrible band name that’s named after a disgusting sex game in Britain, not to mention, Fred’s statement that he’s not telling lies is another stealthy direction to Britney Spears FOR FUCKS SAKE! I thought that I was hearing a demo version of song containing the section with the Speak N Spell during the instrumental break and Fred whining about “being sorry and not telling lies” would be a placeholder recorded before Mike Smith joined hoping that they would record a much more aggressive, rap heavy version of the bridge from the original but nope! They apparently released this absolute joke of a cover as it is! Was it really such an absolutely bright idea to bastardise such a classic “The Who” song from one of my favourite albums of all time? At least Faith No More knew what they were doing when they recorded their cover of Lionel Richie and The Commodores’ “Easy” on the rerelease of “Angel Dust.” Surely a verse was absent in that cover, but at least it was slightly faithful to the original version. (Still makes me sick that Limp Bizkit opened up for FNM during their American leg of the “Album of the Year” tour in September and October of 1997.) Did you know that song also got an awful music video to promote the 2003 movie Gothika (which this song appeared in) where Fred Durst tongue wrestles Halle Berry in a Psychiatric Ward?

The fact that this was the second single from this neanderthalic mess of an album, charting in at number 4 on the Aria Charts in 2003/04 not to mention being overplayed on mainstream radio stations such as Triple M to prove that Limp Bizkit had a soft side makes me undesirably sad to this very day...

Truely such a horrible cover song in rock, and don’t get me started on that cover of George Michael’s “Faith” that is the same level of absurdity of this song.

The song features another bonus track titled “All That Easy” featuring another monotonous delivery of lyrics with a simple beat from DJ Lethal...it just sounds like a song from a dollar shop Massive Attack...

DROWN

The final track on this album is yet another sad, mellow, monotonous melody from Fred complete with the repetitive chords from his guitar (one of the few songs to feature Fred playing guitar prior to Mike Smith joining the band). There’s nothing to describe about the half asleep sounding lyrics but it’s just absolutely sluggish at best and just another garbage time track to end this massive garbage fire of an album.

FINAL VERDICT ON WHY THIS TAKES THE TITLE OF THE ALBUM OF SUCKAGE

“Results May Vary” is nothing but an album filled with monotonous, lyrically repetitive songs, mostly directed to Britney Spears for being left out of writing for “In the Zone” as well as stated by on and off again guitarist Wes Borland as “Fred Durst’s solo project.” A massive chunk of songs were cut from this album such as “Crack Addict” which was performed live at WWE Wrestlemania 19 in Seattle earlier that year in 2003, “Just Drop Dead,” another bloody song directed to Britney Spears which appeared as a B-Side of “Behind Blue Eyes, “Why”, Lean on Me,” and their double cover of “Home Sweet Home and Bittersweet Symphony” originally performed by Motley Crüe and The Verve respectively, the latter three songs being put on the “Greatest Hitz” compilation two years later. Other songs that were cut from RMV, were titled “Press Your Luck,” “Poison Ivy,” “Cowgirls from Hell,” “Shot,” “Armpit,” “When it Rains,” “Let it Go,” the subtlety titled “Masterbation,” “Lean On Me” and others. However these songs wouldn’t have saved this album from being such a colossal disaster and a huge reliance of being a schadenfreude to various haters of the Nu Metal genre like me!

“Results May Vary” is Limp Bizkit’s equivalent to Metallica’s St Anger which was released the same year three months earlier. St Anger got a massive tonne of negativity when it was originally released but later got a huge amount of love and respect over the years. RMV will never have that type of respect as it simply nuked the careers of Limp Bizkit following its release. Limp Bizkit later released its EP titled “The Unquestionable Truth” with Wes Borland returning two years later and it’s comeback album “Gold Cobra,” with “The Stampede of the Disco Elephants” forever burning in Development Hell but the unsalvageable damage had already been done by then, and that’s why I give it the mantle as

THE ALBUM OF SUCKAGE!

Happy Trails...

#limp bizkit #words of shakespeare #results may vary #eat you alive #behind blue eyes #2003 #undertaker #nookie #fred Durst #Mike Smith #Wes Borland #build a bridge #albums of suckage #what were they thinking

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supernaturalmarauders · 4 years

Text

Welcome home (SPN cast reader x crew and boyfriend)

Summary: the readers boyfriend is in the navy and had been deployed for the past year and a half. The boys surprise the reader at a con, and the whole audience knows. And at the end he proposes.

Warnings: crying, fluff, laughing, basic Jared and Jensen joking.

Please give me feedback I’ve wanted to write this for a while I’ve just struggled

You and they boys were currently at a con. You had been going to cons since you were eighteen; and you were now 21. Honestly you knew the boys had been doing it a lot longer, but for you cons freaked you out. You tended to be one of those people who didn’t care however when it came to cons you cared the most. Everything had been going pretty smothly so far. You always enjoyed cons with Jared and Jensen because they were the two funniest people you know.

Xxxxxxx

“My question is for Y/N” said the audience member which made Jared her fake angry and Jensen to just seriously judge Jared.

“Don’t worry about them sweetie, Jared’s just a two year old in disguise. What your question” you ask politely ignoring Jared hurt expression.

“Well, we know about everyone one else’s love life but we don’t know about yours. I understand if it’s to personal but I was curious if there was possibly a boyfriend in your life” asked the lady from the audience. Suddenly everything when’d quiet, which made you feel uncomfortable.

“Umm... I didn’t really think it was ever that much of a secret but yeah, I do have a boyfriend. I haven’t seen him for a year and a half since he’s been deployed in the army” you say in honestly. The audience just smile and Jared and Jensen look at you making you feel even more uncomfortable.

“Okay next question” says Jared noticing how uncomfortable you were getting. Jared picks another woman in the audience whom also has another question for you.

“So I also have a boyfriend in the military, however he’s only been deployed for about a month. I was wondering what it’s like having such a long distance relationship” said the lady. You sad smile understanding what she was going through.

“Honestly it get easier but harder at the same time. Because you become used to being by yourself without him next to you all the time. But it’s also hard because you can go weeks without a letter and be terrified because you have no if your boyfriend is still alive. And sometimes it gets really hard to think about all the things your missing. I think though, I can give you one word of advice. If you miss him just think about all the good he is doing for you and so many other people. Because without people in the military than the world would fall apart” you say smiling. The lady smiles and passes the mic back to the man.

Xxxxx

“Okay guys so we’re going to have a little competition. Y/N, and Jared are going to see how many darts they can get closest to the bullseye. But there’s a catch, if they win, then they get a suprise”. Said jensen causing the audince to cheer

“When he says surprise, he means, there isn’t a surprise. he just wants to see weaher a girl can beet a guy at a simple task such as sharades” you say causing audiene to once again laugh and jared and jensen to glare at you.

jensen brought out the targets and the games began. it wasn’t much of a competition seeing as jared could hardly get a shot in without it bouncing off the metal. you however managed to get almost every shot smack bang centre. honestly you were suspicious . jared was always pretty good witch accuracy and never had an off day, ever. and it wasn’t like jared to just loose and sit back and take it. he always threw a very fake overdramatic tantrum.

“And Y/N finally won somethin against jared” mocked jensen making you put your hnds on your hips.

“Seriously, am i the only one who thinks thats a bit fishy” you ask to the audience, all of which reply with a shake of there heads, indicating that they did not see anything wrong. What you didn’t know was that they were in on everything.

“Let me guess, I win a bag of snail shells, and an extra week of planking from the two of you” you say with sarcasm.

“We aren’t that mean Y/N” said Jared mock hurt.

“Sure you aren’t” you say rolling your eyes making the audience laugh.

“Here read this out loud” said Jensen passing you a letter.

“Hey baby, this note is currently being written a day before I leave you. If your reading this it means that times are getting tougher. Stay strong Y/N, I love you so much” you finish whispering and trying to stop the tears escaping your eyes.

“Why would you make me read that” you say trying to contain the emotions that you felt.

“ turn around” says Jared making you look at the screen behind you, suddenly is on the screen. The very last picture you had of you and your boyfriend.

“Why are you torturing me like this” you say, unable to contain the emotions. Not realisisng what had happened untill you heard a familiar voice behind you, one you never thought you would hear again.

“Because I asked them to” said the voice. You turned around so slowly you couldn’t believe your eyes. Suddenly nigers falls started falling from your eyes as you gripped onto your boyfriend for dear life, letting his uniform soak the tears you had in your eyes. The audience were flashing photos and gen and Daneel who were backstage with the kids couldn’t stop the tears from falling down there cheeks.

“I missed you baby” he said not removing you from his embrace. Unable to reply you removed your head from his shoulder and smashed your lips into his, causing the audience to erupt in cheers. The kids was very rough, but contained all the emotions that you had. Gen and daneel came out of the wings to go and be with there husbands. They were no where near taking your moment away, but they were not about to miss what was going to happen.

After the kiss ended you just stood there falling into his embrace.

“I love you” you say loud enough for the audience to hear but muffled by his shirt.

“I know you do” he says pulling you tighter to his chest. During that time many fans had not turned of there phones continuing to record everything that was happening. Daneel and Jensen were crying, and Jensen and Jared had smiles from ear to ear.

“You were all in on this, weren’t you” you say pulling away from your boyfriend and looking at them.

“Maybe said Jensen and Jared in unison making you smile. You ran into there arms, not sparing anytime in giving all four of them big hugs, thanking each and everyone one of them individually. What you didn’t notice was that a video started playing behind you. What alerted you however was the sound of the audience starting to sing falling in love by lily Reinhart.

You looked up frozen in your place as you watched the videos and photos from you and your boyfriends 4 years of dating, even the ones where you were so little. You couldn’t help the water works as they once again flowed freely out of your eyes. Once the video had stopped you looked over to Jared and Jensen who were gesturing to you to turn around, slowly you turned around and saw your boyfriend on one knee holding a box with a beautiful ring.

You instantly broke into one of the biggest rages of sobs you had ever experienced. Your boyfriend smiled and everyone elses “awwed”

“ Y/N Y/L/N, I have loved you for four years, and I can’t imagine my life without you, and I never want to go another day in fear that I’m going to loose the one woman who u would do anything for. You are so special to me and never want to loose you, not ever. You make me the happiest man alive , and bring a smile to my face every time I see you. So Y/N, Will you marry me” finished your boyfriend running a finger through is H/C hair.

You break down for what felt like the 100th time and run into his hands once again making his uniform soaked. You stood there for a few minutes sharing a deep kiss trying to tell him how much you love him.

“You never answered my question” he said once again going to one knee, the audience stopped and sat in anticipation while j2 held there wives closer.

“Of course you Idiot” you say looking into his eyes whilst the audience applaud, and Jared and Jensen cat whistle. He slide the ring onto your finger and you wipe your eyes. He embrace you in a hug not letting you go. The cheering of the audience started to blur out whilst you were in your lovers embrace, nothing else mattered at that time, just that you were with the person you love most, and would love most for the rest of you’re life.

“Let’s give it up for loving couple everyone” you hear Jared say into the mic, making you pull you chest away from your now fiancés. You smiled into the audience and help up both your hands, making them cheer even louder.

There were very few moments you had ever experienced emotions as strong as this. You once again hugged (boyfriend name) and weren’t letting go. He tightened his grip around you indicating that he was never letting you go.

You knew for the first time in a long time that you would fall into a easy sleep, with (boyfriend name) holding you, and the people you considered your family right beside you

Sorry it’s so short and crappy, like if you want, I don’t mind, I hope you enjoyed. I just wanted to write about something that would make people smile. Yeah I know the vocabs pretty bad. There will be mistakes but I will go through and fix them later.

#supernatural #jared padalecki #jensen ackles #love live #military #boyfriend #proposal #gen padalecki #fiancè #engagedlife #homecoming

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cynicalwonders · 4 years

Text

Semblance

Today is my birthday! And since it’s my b-day, I’ve decided to post the first chapter of a thriller-fic I’ve been working for the month of spooks and chills. For those of you who may remember, a few years back I did a poll of which fics I should work on in order. One of those prompts was given the working title of ‘Blackwoods’, this is it but with a new name and some changes done to it. I know I’m supposed to work on my other fics (GWE, Glass Slipper, etc) but this one got my creative juices flowing and will probably help me get back into writing. So without further ado, please enjoy:

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Summary: The classes of Dupont takes a winter field trip to a cozy ski-resort in the French Alps. Many use the cold climate to have free-range for fun in the snow or get closer together with their crushes in time for the holidays. However, a snowstorm has trapped the resort guest in their hotel and panic starts settling in. Is this a case of cabin fever or is there something sinister lurking in the mountains.

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“I cannot wait for this trip!” Marinette skipped around her room, pulling out several articles of clothing from her various drawers and trunks. “Two weeks at a ski-resort! Right before the winter holidays!”

Tikki giggled as her holder zipped back and forth around her room. Thanks to the ‘generosity' of Chloe Bourgeois – correction: begging and whining to her father – she had gotten the school to agree to host a pre-winter break field trip to one the best ski resorts in the country. How was that possible? Well, it may be because the owner of the resort, one Rodolphe Boivin, was Chloe’s uncle and would ‘adore having his favorite niece and her class over at his resort.’

Chloe’s words, not her.

Whatever the reason, the entire school was treated to an all-expense-paid stay to the Chateau Boivin. Of course, the catch would be that the students provide good reviews for the resort and promise not to break anything, signed contracts and all. Everyone was abuzz with excitement, many thanking the blonde who soaked up the praise with unconcealed glee. Students started making plans on what they wanted to do at the resort when they arrived. From skiing to snowboarding, 24-hours spas, 5-star dining, horse-drawn sleighs, and even a wine festival, Chateau Boivin goes all out every winter.

"When we arrive, I'm going to unpack all my stuff then grab an early lunch," Marinette recited out loud. "Then I'm going to talk to the activities director to book a ski lesson for the next day. Explore the place and figure out everything is located, maybe take a dip in the Jacuzzi and end the day with a nice dinner.”

“Promise to bring me back something sweet,” Tikki chirped.

“Of course,” smiled Marinette. “From what I read, this place hires some excellent pâtissiers for their dessert menu and café.”

“Better than your parents?” joked Tikki.

“Hmmm, maybe a close second.” Marinette joked, still rummaging through her things.

“You sure you’re not packing too many things?” asked the kwami.

“Just the essentials. Plus dad will take this down in the morning. Hopefully, he won't start crying again."

“My poor baby is leaving us!” Tikki mimicked her dad’s earlier reaction to the trip. “I knew this day would come but it’s too soon!”

“Dad, it’s just two weeks,” Marinette narrated her part. “Please don’t cry. I promise to call every day.”

Both giggled as she continued packing up her stuff. Clothing, shoes, toiletries, first aid kit, and some emergency cash just in case. She even packed up her sketchbook if she got inspired, as well as some tiny jackets she knitted for Tikki. Even if Tikki wasn't that affected by the cold, the little kwami looked adorable in a wool sweater.

“Alright! I think that’s everything!” exclaimed Marinette, finally closing the suitcase.

“Can you lift it?”

Marinette hoisted the bag over her shoulder with ease. “Over a year of swinging atop rooftops and fighting super-powered villains builds up muscle strength.”

“The fact that you can throw Chat Noir at an akuma should have let you know.”

“I thought that was another superpower while as Ladybug,” replied Marinette.

“Nope, that all Marinette-power,” cheered Tikki.

Marinette shook her head and smiled. Her little kwami watched as her holder cheerfully babbles about her plans for the resort. Seeing her smile so widely made the kwami really how long it has been since her wielder felt so content. For a while, a fog of sadness seemed to have washed over the poor girl. Everything she did or said felt halfhearted. Schoolwork, homework, designing, all done with half the effort and half the enthusiasm. And Tikki knew what – or rather, who – was the cause of all these…

On cue, the designer’s phone chimed with a text message. Glancing down, Marinette smiled faded. Sighing, she responded to the text before tossing it on her chaise. Tikki read over the message and her smile, too, faded.

Alya: Hey girl! All packed up for the trip? Can’t wait until we get there! Lila promised to give us some snowboarding lessons while we're there. Her cousin won gold in the Olympics for snowboarding! I'm so excited!

Marinette: okay.

“Marinette…” Tikki gave her a sad look.

“It’s fine,” she cut her off. “I’ll just politely refuse, say I already booked a lesson. If Alya lectures me again, then so be it. I’m used to it by now.”

Tensions between Marinette and her classmate were still present after the whole expulsion-debacle. Even with her classmates ‘apologizing' to her, though she doubts they were truly apologetic, they still felt that she was being unfair to Lila because of her illness. And suddenly her love and care for her classmates started to dissipate.

Even Adrien – sweet, perfect Adrien – didn’t seem all that sweet or perfect. While he assured her that he was on her side, his action seemed to express another thing. While he didn’t want to out the liar, he didn’t try to protect their classmates either. Marinette could see the hope and excitement in her classmates’ eyes. So hopeful to believe in Lila. Believing she had the power to deliver their dreams to them on a silver platter. Sacrificing their energy, time and money to pamper her so she, in turn, would reward them for their generosity.

Never did Marinette feel a stronger urge to vomit when she realized that.

What did Adrien expect to happen when the truth about Lila's lies came out? Did he think that everything would go back to normal? That Lila would learn her lesson and become a good person? Maybe that was the naïve optimism that Adrien possessed. And while Marinette would love for that to happen, it didn't fix everything. Not the months she spent isolated from the others. The cruel words they spat at her. The glares and stares. Disappointed sighs. Like she was the cruel one. The unreasonable one.

Suddenly she was busy with online commissions or her parents needed an extra set of hands at the bakery or she had to babysit Manon. Any excuse just to avoid them all. Marinette, the girl filled with love and compassion and sweetness, felt bitterness, anger, and disgust festering inside her. She didn’t want to feel this way, especially towards her classmates, people whom she has known and loved for years. But…

‘You’d think they would at least consider what I said,’ Marinette thought. ‘With how long I’ve known them and what I did to help them…you would think…’

Marinette shook her head and took several deep breaths. Master Fu's breathing exercises would calm her down and wash out any negative thoughts. And give the following few weeks since Lila's return, Marinette has made it a routine to do them before, during and after school. The last thing she needs is another near akumazation and lose Tikki thanks to that little liar.

“Don’t worry Marinette,” her kwami consoled. “You can use this trip to reconnect with your friends.”

“Unless they invite Lila…” Marinette could not remember a single outing she had Alya had without the blogger trying to add Lila. Not that she had trouble doing so, Lila just loved to force herself between Mari and her friends.

“Maybe you and Alya can do a girl’s night,” suggested Tikki. “Just the two of you.”

“Maybe…” Marinette said, but her voice held some hesitation in the idea.

“Marinette!” Sabine’s echoed from below. “Did you finish packing?”

“Yes, maman,” answered Marinette, opening the hatched door. “All packed up and ready to go.”

“Well don’t tell your father that,” her mother gave a small chuckle. “Dinner’s almost ready.”

“Okay, I’ll get change and come down,” Marinette replied.

Marinette quickly changed into her pajamas so she could jump into bed after dinner. These pajamas were thicker, made from wool as the snow started covering the glittering city. The Dupain-Cheng shared a dinner of Boeuf Bourguignon, potato gratin and hot chocolate for dessert. Pleasantries were passed around along with reminders from parents to take care of herself and to bundle up when leaving the resort.

After dinner wrapped up, Marinette dashed back into her room, doing last-minute checks on her stuff. Just as she finished, her phone rang. Apprehensive, she picked up her phone and sighed in relief. Tapping on the video chat button, her screen opened up to reveal a familiar elder fiddling with his own cell.

“Ah! Marinette good to see you...hold on...” she giggled as Fu’s screen kept moving around the room before finally settling on his face. “There, better! Thank you Wayzz.”

“Yes, thank you, Wayzz,” giggled Marinette.

“Are all packed up and ready to go?” asked Master Fu.

“Yes…” whined Marinette. “You’re like my parents.”

“They mean you well,” the Chinese man smiled. “This trip will be good for you.”

“Will you be alright by yourself?” she asked.

“Marinette, I am over a hundred years old. I can handle a little frozen weather. You should have seen the blizzards and snowstorms they had near the temple when I was your age!"

“But what about Hawkmoth? What if he…”

“Do not worry about him,” Master Fu waved off her concern. “Around this season, he’s more subdued due to Nooro’s sensitivity to the cold.”

“Speaking of ‘sensitivity to the cold,’” Marinette turned to Tikki, who was snuggled up in one of her pigtails.

“Insect like ladybugs and butterfly usual hibernate during the colder months,” explained Master Fu. “Even if Tikki and Nooro aren't actual insects, they do share similarities in their nature and habits."

“Good thing I made some tiny jackets and mittens for Tikki here,” Marinette teased, patting her kwami on the head.

“She should be fine. We did a regular healing session, so she won’t fall ill while on the trip,” replied Master Fu. “So I suggest you take full advantage of your time to have fun while up in the mountains. Just be warned that snowstorms are sudden, so stick close to shelter.”

"Are you sure it is alright for me to leave for this trip?” asked Marinette. “I can cancel…”

“No, no, no,” Master Fu wagged his finger at her. “This trip is for you to enjoy yourself. No Miraculous usage. No akuma attacks. Take this time to relax and replenish your energy.”

Despite Fu’s insistence, Marinette still felt a bit nervous about leaving Paris unprotective for such a length of time. With both her and Chat Noir – he was also going out of town! What are the odds?! – out of the city, Hawkmoth might take this as an opportunity to wreak havoc upon Parisian citizens.

Fu smiled and assure her that Hawkmoth would be too busy to do any sort of attack. How could he be so confident that Hawkmoth wouldn’t attack while she was gone? Marinette didn’t get a direct response, just a wink from the elder man and a giggle from his kwami. His secrecy to certain things was still in effect. The pigtailed girl just sighed and took the guardian’s word for it.

Truthfully, she felt grateful to have time for herself. Even if she didn't hang out with her friends, her time was still stretched between akuma attacks, classes, commissions, and homework. Top it off with Lila's manipulation and isolation, her stress levels were through the roof. Two weeks away at a luxurious resort seemed like a perfect opportunity for her. Even with Lila there.

“Marinette! Light’s out!” her mother’s voice called out from below. “You don’t want to be tired for tomorrow.”

“You best go to bed,” replied Master Fu. “We shall talk another day.”

“Goodnight, Master Fu,” replied Marinette before ending the call.

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Adrien sighed as he finished his disappointing dinner – a small piece of salmon with a dry salad, water and a piece of bread – before heading back to his room. His house echoed with the bitter December winds, creating a cacophony of loud, wailing noises. Such noises would normally cause people to assume the home was haunted, but Adrien just took it as a sign that he was alone.

Both Gabriel and Nathalie had been busy throughout the entire week, getting ready for next year’s Spring fashion line and fulfilling the last of the orders for his winter collection. All staffers were excused for the holidays. Even Gorilla had been scarcely seen in the past few days, sticking to his driving duties as Adrien's modeling schedule was wrapping up. Had it not been for Plagg and Nino’s skype calls, the blonde believed he would go mad.

Speaking of Plagg, the tiny cat was busy stuffing his face with his signature camembert cheese. “How was dinner?” he asked, voice muffled by cheese.

Adrien shrugged his shoulder as he sat on his bed. “By the way,” continued Plagg. “Your friend texted you a few minutes ago.”

Smiling, Adrien snatched his phone and read all his messages. Most of them were from Chloe, some from his classmate, but his most recent was from Nino.

Nino: Hey! You ready?

Adrien: Yep! Everything is all packed up.

Nino: I’m so stoked for this trip! It’s going to be awesome! I looked up online and this place has an underground dance room. Think we can sneak in and use it?

Adrien: I’m sure if we ask, they’ll let us use it. Or Chloe could ask.

Nino: Aww, but that takes out the fun of it :(

Adrien: I just don’t want to get in trouble

Nino: Ah yes, the sunshine child. Mr. Goody-two shoes.

Adrien: Hey! I can be bad! I can be a rebel!

Nino: Dude, I can’t believe you typed that XD Sorry to tell you this, but you’re probably the last person that I can see breaking the rules.

Adrien chuckled at reading that. He could only imagine what Nino would think if he told him that most of his night was spent hopping off rooftops in black leather. Probably laugh, thinking he was joking.

Adrien: You never know, I may surprise you!

Nino: Sure~ anyway, we're are rooming together right?

Adrien: Yeah, Chloe made sure to put us together. We're on the fifth floor, #512

Nino: Sweet! Do you know where everyone else is?

Adrien: Not everyone. Chloe showed me the room placements and our class is on the fifth floor.

Nino: So the entire fifth floor is ours? Nice! Party all night!

Adrien: I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Mme. Mendeleiev and her class are on the floor below us. Do you want to disturb her with your music?

Nino: Uh…did I say party all night? I mean going to bed on time and making no noise after curfew.

Adrien: Smart. I’ll just ask Chloe if we can use the dance room.

Nino: Fine, we’ll go the easy way. Gotta go, mom’s telling me to go to bed. Talk to you tomorrow. Night.

Adrien: Night.

After sending his text, Adrien quickly changed into his pajamas and went over his luggage again. Even though Nathalie told him to leave things as is, no changes or add ons, Adrien thought it best to sneak in some games and emergency cheese for Plagg. And his father’s birthday scarf.

“I cannot wait for the trip,” Adrien smiled, giddy with excitement. His formerly sober mood gone and replaced with that of unbridled joy.

Class had been, for lack of a better term, tense in the past few months. Ever since Marinette was nearly expelled. And while the class did apologize and Marinette accepted, he could see the hurt and pain in her eyes. Like she didn’t believe them and was accepting their apology to be polite. And even after the incident, Lila kept lying and trying to attack Marinette, though indirectly this time.

Marinette's solution to all this: avoiding everyone in class like the plague.

He could see it: the excuses, the non-verbal answer, the fact that she physically kept her distance from them when in a group. Not to mention the fact that she had mentioned multiple times that she was helping with her parents' deliveries, only for Chat Noir to spot her on the opposite side of the city sketching or shopping. Not like he could confront her with that. Most likely it will cause her to distance herself further from the group. He hated that she was pulling away and he hated that he couldn't do anything about it.

But maybe this trip could change all that! A small resort filled with activities and games, getting in the early holiday spirit, hanging out with the class as a group. Maybe, just maybe, they can rekindle that friendship with Marinette. Maybe Lila will finally back off and leave her alone. Maybe things will finally go back to normal.

“Ugh, why couldn’t you have gotten a tropical vacation,” moaned Plagg. “I hate the cold. Frostbite, cold snaps, blizzards, and worse of all: frozen cheese!”

“They have heating in the resort,” responded Adrien, rolling his eyes. “Your cheese will be fine.”

“Frozen cheese is no laughing matter!” whined Plagg. “I still remember that awful blizzard of ’93. All my stock supply of cheese was frozen over! Cracked! Broken! Even when they thawed out, the flavor and texture turned to mush! Like eating moldy oatmeal!”

“Plagg! Gross!” Adrien gave a disgusted look. “I don’t need to hear that.”

“And I don’t need to suffer the consequences of frozen cheese!” Plagg wept.

“Well keep that whining to a minimum when we’re at the resort since the rooms are shared,” the blonde remarked.

Plagg groaned. “Great. So not only do I have to suffer through cheese freezing, I’ll be spending my days being stuffed inside a bag.”

“You’ll stay in the room while I’m out with my friends. Just be careful if any maids or cleaning staff come in.”

“Whatever.”

“And try not to stink up the room when you eat,” he stated. “I don’t want to get weird looks from my friends.”

Plagg continued to groan even louder, annoying Adrien. “I promise if you stay as quiet as a mouse and not cause trouble for the entire trip, I’ll buy you a whole crate of fancy imported cheese.”

“…what kind of cheese?” questioned Plagg.

“Every kind,” Adrien smirked. “Hard and soft. From abertam cheese to xynotyro. Just promise to be on your best behavior and it will all be yours.”

“…very well,” Plagg straighten himself out. "I'll be a good kitty. Heck, I'll act like one of those snooty, pageant cats that are on TV." The kwami gave a fake lick to his paw and meowed in a condescending tone.

“How about you just stay hidden and we’ll be good.”

“Fine, ruining my fun,” Plagg smirked before landing on the pillow next to Adrien and immediately fell asleep.

Adrien, however, kept going through his phone. Giddiness vibrated through his body as he pictured his next two weeks by himself. It took weeks and weeks of begging and bargaining with his father to even tolerate the idea let alone consider it. But Adrien persevered, getting top grades in his class, nailed all his photoshoots and stuck with his daily schedule – save a few times he had to fight an akuma – before his father looked at the permission sheet.

In the end, it all paid off! His father read over the contract, signed it and had Nathalie go over the details with Mme. Bustier to make sure everything was on the up and up. Mayor Bourgeois and M. Boivin even spoke to him to ensure that no harm would come to the young Adreste while at the Chateau Boivin. Over the top? Yes, but it was normal for Gabriel Adreste. Though it could be forgiven as this would be Adrien's first time away from his father for an extended period.

‘Two weeks on my own,’ Adrien smiled. ‘No hectic schedules. No extra lessons. Just two weeks of having fun and hanging out with my friends!’

“This will be the best vacation ever!” the blonde yawned before falling asleep.

................................................................................................................................

(I can’t do line break for some reason so apologies for the rows of dots in advance)

Not any spooks in this chapter but its a slow-burn towards the actual actions so please be patience. Next chapter is coming soon <3

#cynical fics #ml #miraculous ladybug #semblance #ml fic #fanfic #fic #thriller

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behind-the-screen-of-bangtan · 5 years

Text

The love story

This post is part of the TSU. It belongs to the second part: Towards adulthood.

BTS wrote a lot of love songs and they follow the same global reflection as the other themes discussed by the boys. As the songs are pretty self-explanatory, this post will rather focus on studying them globally, to see if they form a coherent story.

Before starting, we need to consider BTS’ songs structure for a little second. Most of the time, each rapper has a verse and then the vocal line sings together during the chorus. So if you want to tell a story, considering the chorus is always the same thing, it will happen in the verses and thus will be told by the rappers. Which means we can have up to three points of view.

This leads us to the biggest problem with the love story from BTS songs: we don’t know how many boys and girls are involved. So I’ve arbitrarily decided to apply the rule of the simplest version: if it makes sense with one boy, then there’s only one boy. Also, when I say “the Boy”, it’s just the main character of the song.

The macho

This story starts rather sadly. Bangtan’s first two love songs are post-break-up songs. “좋아요” (I like it) is about the Boy stalking his ex’s Facebook and “Coffee” about the Boy remembering his ex, comparing their relationship to a sweet caramel macchiato and their break up to a bitter Americano.

As the Boy has other things to consider during 2 Cool 4 Skool and O!RUL8,2?, he doesn’t look for love and it’s only in the last song from O!RUL8,2?, namely “Outro: Luv In Skool”, that a new love is brought up:

“Even though I drink coffee and open my eyes I still feel like I’m going to fall asleep oh no no I often drew it up, if I ruled the world I feel like I would put you by my side again Tell me that it’s not too late If this is a nightmare, please save me quickly Take a good look, I’m still waiting for only you”

As they’ll often do in future releases, they reference their own songs in another song. “Coffee” and “If I ruled the world” are both from O!RUL8,2?, which theme is finding happiness before it’s too late. It thus appears that the Boy has come to the conclusion that to escape the sadness of his previous break up and to find happiness, he needs the love of the Girl. The song ends with Jungkook asking “Girl do you wanna go out with me?”

Suga explained in his review that “Intro: Skool Luv Affair” follows the outro and shows how each rapper would propose. The song concludes with hip-hop being the solution because it’s “Bangtan’s style”. It’s so much Bangtan’s style that in the video there are actually more “hip-hop” elements - radio, sneakers, “wassup”, caps, skateboards - than ones relating to love - a couple, hearts, roses. The continuity with O!RUL8,2? is also shown through symbols appearing in the intro videos of both albums - round, triangle, square, five-branch star.

In the lyrics of “Boy In Luv”, the Boy wonders how he could ask the girl out and prove he’s a “real man” (“상남자” which is actually the name of the song in Korean; it’s not as sexist as it sounds in English though, it’s more “real man” as in someone strong enough that you can trust them, someone responsible). It’s also implied the girl is playing hard to get:

“Even if you act like you don’t know me or act cold I cannot push you away I want to be your oppa I’ll become your man, just watch”

In ”Where Did You Come From” it’s Suga’s and J-Hope’s turn to flirt with a girl while speaking in satoori (Suga explains it in his review).

“Boy In Luv” MV seems to summarize those three songs:

the intro of the MV fits with “Outro: Luv in Skool” (it’s “Just One Day”’s instrumental that’s playing though): we see the Boy - played by our international playboy falling in love at first sight with the Girl - he possibly asks her out a first time: “Girl do you wanna go out with me?” and is rejected because she’s playing hard to get. (Note that based on the photo concept and on later content, it’s also implied Jungkook has feelings for Yoongi but it’s an element belonging strongly to the BU so I won’t consider it further here.)

Then the Boy’s friends help him, each rapper explains how he would confess (”Intro: Skool Luv Affair” and “Where Did You Come From?)

And in the end, Jin goes to fetch the girl and brings her to Jungkook so he can confess himself - it was decided while filming to add Jin’s and Jimin’s scenes with the girl. As she accepts the flower, we can conclude the Boy and the Girl start going out.

However, it’s explained in “Just One Day” that they have difficulties meeting:

“Just one day, if I had time I want to get drunk in your sweet scent And fall asleep soundly In the midst of my tightly-packed schedules If I had an opportunity I want to soak myself in your warm deep eyes”

I didn’t mention it until now, but as there are always biographical elements in Bangtan’s songs, the Boy sometimes has an idol life - here the tightly-packed schedule; in “Coffee”, there’s also the line “Girl, I’ve debuted, this one phrase should do it, right?”. It’s rarely talked about though and most of the time the Boy is just an average guy.

Another thing to note, about the MV this time, is how the boys are in the light but also surrounded closely by shadows. As if the end is already near when they’re still dazzled by their bright love.

It doesn’t stop the Boy, however, and so in “Outro: propose”, he’s fully in love:

“(Good to you) You’re the only one for me (Good to you) Even with this distance between us Always stay by my side (Good to you) You’re my everything Even if tomorrow brings us trouble Hold my hand”

You can fit “Miss Right” here too if you want.

The disillusion

Dark & Wild has two parts: the first half is “dark” and the second, starting from the interlude is “wild”. It’s a plot twist to the fairy tale we had until now: while the Boy is still deeply in love, the Girl isn’t invested in the relationship.

At first the Boy wonders, in “Intro: What Am I To You?” and then he directly warns the Girl, in “Danger”, as he gets angrier. We have similar ideas in the sentences written next to the boys in the photo book from the album:

RM: “I wanna be loved so bad”

S: “Luv turns to anger”

J: “My luv ain’t going nowhere”

JH: “My heart is full of you”

V: “U R the only one I need”

JM: “I luv U however painful it would be”

JK: “Why don’t U luv me like I do?”

Sadly, as we can see in the Japanese version of the MV, the girl doesn’t answer. And the boy ends up going to a club.

The next song on the album is ”War of Hormone”. The song where the Boy hits on a girl. A song that actually belongs to the “dark” half of the album and not the “wild” one. A song that happens when the Boy is arguing with the Girl. So yeah, if you interpret “War of Hormone” in the globality of BTS’ discography, you can see it as a possible cheating attempt made out of anger (it’s obviously a heavy over-interpretation):

“Hello hello (what!) Hello hello (what!) Tell me what you want right now Hello hello (what!) Hello hello (what!) Imma give it to you girl right now Even though you say that you’re not mine, you’re the best”

So the war would not only be the surge of sexual hormones but also the war between the love for the Girl and the anger against Her.

For love songs, this half of the album is concluded by “Let Me Know”. The Boy knows his relationship with the Girl has ended, but he still begs for her confirmation, possibly in hope that she’ll kill the last bits of love he still feels towards her:

“I just wanna know know know I just wanna know know know My regret is still standing in front of the ending sign So please say something to me Girl, let me know”

Fortunately, the “wild” side of the album is a bit more hopeful. Hard to tell if the girl for this part is the one the Boy met in “War of Hormone” or if it’s a new one, all we know is that he met someone and he’s trying to woo her. “Interlude: what are you doing” is a phone call and the only lyrics are “what are you doing”. It’s a deduction based on the next songs but it seems this “what are you doing” actually means “are you busy? Are you free to hang out with me?”.

“Blanket Kick” happens after the meeting. The Boy is kicking his blanket out of frustration because he failed at seducing Her and ridiculed himself:

“Once again I only do weird things in front of you You’re so pretty pretty pretty Oh Why did I do that I’ll launch a kick at my blankets in my sleep”

His frustration is all the more understandable when you consider the next song, namely “24/7=Heaven”. He has it really bad for Her:

“24/7 I thought only of you all day”

“24/7=Heaven” also gives details about their first date:

“The first date with you I keep getting excited like a child These days I’m Sunday Where the sun named you has risen, Sunday”

Their love is confirmed in “Look here”:

“At first it was mere curiosity As I started to show interest in you Holy Shhh Yeah, even if you ignore me The time when you fall for me, for a minute We look rather good together, without you I'm like a Seoul City without lights I wait for an opportunity to fill your empty spot, a rabbit hole graffiti The play called A day without you is a tragedy”

“At first, You answered once when I texted ten times But later, You call me first and look for me all day”

It also appears this time the Girl loves the Boy back.

“Outro: does that make sense?” is a bit hard to interpret because we can’t really know if the lyrics are about the current Girl or the previous one. The main idea here is that they fell out of love:

“Does that make sense? You, do you think that makes sense? That our love changes so easily So that nobody notices, so that I look fine, I’m with you but now I’m crying at the mere sight of your facial expression Explain it, explain it, explain it girl My baby explain it, explain it I hate you to death but I still think of you even now”

The School trilogy ends like this. It’s the only series with albums where love (for someone else) will be the main theme. The conclusion is rather dark for the Boy: no matter his efforts to be loved, his love always ends badly. If we refer to the coming-of-age story structure, this moment would be the hardship that counters the Boy’s vision of the world. It’s thus in a rather depressed state that he enters his youth.

The beggar

An important shift happens here. We have more reflections about inner feelings and a bit less about the outside world. There’s another difference, with the title song. RM said in the #hashtag interview:

“‘I NEED U’ is the title song. As you can feel from the title, ‘Ah~ I do need you’ trying to hold the love which is about to end. Singing the anxiety and wandering of the youth.”

More than the approximative subs provided by 1theK, what we can note is that the title song is one aspect of the theme of the album: “I NEED U” is a sad love song and 화양연화 Pt.1 is the pains of youth in general.

With the notable exception of “Converse High”, all the love songs in 화양연화 Pt.1 have the same basis, namely the Boy can’t stand the idea of the girl leaving him alone:

“Girl I would rather rather we break up Girl say that it wasn’t love love I don’t have that kind of courage Give me one last present So that I won’t go back anymore” - “I NEED U”

“Without you, I can’t breathe Without you, I’m nothing Open your closed heart, dampen my heart Give me an embrace so I can feel you” - “Hold Me Tight”

“Tell me why you’re trying to go so far away In your eyes Do you not see me anymore Uh Love, it’s a hurtful and hurtful thing yeah It feels like goodbyes are hurtful And more hurtful” - “Outro: Love is not over”

“Converse High” is closer to something like another “Intro: Skool Luv Affair” or “Where Do You Come From?”. It’s each rapper giving a point of view on the matter, which is not necessarily theirs (Suga said he had nothing against Converse and that his verse was just to oppose RM’s):

“You know what I want A white t-shirt, denim shorts and Red Converse Highs That’s it”

“Rather than those stars in the sky I’d rather see them stars on your shoes Haha all without Namjoon knowing”

“Converse converse I really hate a converse”

Maybe we can see this song as the Boy’s friends talking, reminding us that love can be at a different stage for everyone. Let’s be very clear, this last sentence was highly over-interpretative.

“FOR YOU” was released around this time too, so if you want, you can interpret the girl leaving as something literal. After all, we have no explicit lyric about a break-up, so she possibly just left for Japan and the Boy can’t stand the long-distance relationship.

In 화양연화 Pt.2, the love story and the Boy’s life blur together. It’s the stage where he flies away to an alternative dreamlike world to escape adulthood. It’s the butterfly dream story. In “RUN” and in “Butterfly”, the Boy runs after the butterfly leading him to the dream world. He’s aware of the fragility of this world, however, since he’s extremely scared to touch the butterfly and to see it shatter to pieces:

“Like a flower whose memories are dry All broken into pieces From the tips of my fingers, from underneath my feet Behind my running back As if chasing a butterfly, like wandering through a dream Following your traces Please tell me the road, please stop me Please let me breathe”

“Will you stay by my side Will you promise me If I touch (you), you’ll fly away and break I’m scared scared scared of that

Will you stop time If this moment passes As though it hadn’t happened I’m scared scared scared I’ll lose you”

In “Dead Leaves” and “Outro: House of Cards”, he realizes it will fail. The butterfly is alive and flies, it goes up. The leaf is dead and falls, it goes down, it leaves the dream:

“Don’t go far far away Baby you girl I can’t hold onto you Baby you girl I can’t give up on you Like the dead leaves that fell This love, like the dead leaves Never never fall It’s withering”

“A house made of cards, and us, inside Even though the end is visible, even if it’s going to collapse soon A house made of cards, we’re like idiots Even if it’s a vain dream, stay like this a little more”

The photo concept for Young Forever is similar. In the Day version, the boys rise in a hot-air balloon and in the Night version, they’re camping - so it’s just a temporary stay.

Coming back to reality and seeing how frail and short life is, the Boy begs in “Save Me”:

Don’t wanna be lonely Just wanna be yours

And by placing himself at the mercy of the Girl, he becomes her prisoner.

The prisoner

Only two songs can be considered here: “Boy Meets Evil” and “Blood, Sweat & Tears”. The Boy thinks the Girl is the key to happiness, so no matter how she hurt him, he’s still tempted to go back to Her. The Girl probably represents different aspects like the protective mother, the sexual partner, the best friend, the sister… in which the boy could find some relief - affection, sex, support…

The whole “Boy Meets Evil” is about this relief: the Boy knows that “Too bad it’s too sweet”. It’s similar and different in “Blood, Sweat & Tears”. The Girl still is a devilish temptation but we can probably take it in the context of Demian - it’s also confirmed in the WINGS Concept Book that “Blood, Sweat & Tears” shows the act of rebelling against God. By deduction, the Girl can be associated with Beatrice, that makes Sinclair stop drinking and go back to a healthy lifestyle:

“Kiss me even if it hurts Come, tighten me (up) Until it can’t even hurt anymore Baby, even if I get drunk it’s alright, I’ll now drink you up Deep into (my) throat, (with) you as the whiskey”

The Boy admitted his love for the Girl was toxic but he still hasn’t found an alternative to save himself until now. She’s his only way to reach happiness.

The boy and himself

And so it’s finally time for Love Yourself. The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm is essential here. If we summarize the 148 pages in a few words: love is an art and is thus something that you work on, that you perfect with discipline and faith, that’s both collective and individual, that needs to be acted on rather than thought about, and that’s killed by capitalism and vainly replaced by consumerism.

Bad news though, the Boy hasn’t understood yet. The same way Beatrice triggered Sinclair into a creative strike (that eventually led him to himself), the Girl from “Blood, Sweat & Tears” pushed the Boy into a love blackhole.

This time, he’s so despaired he calls their love destiny and he puts all his hopes into it:

“You are my penicillium The one who saved me My angel My world I am your calico cat One who came to meet you Love me now Touch me now” - “Serendipity” (”Flower”, the poem referenced in the lyrics also emphasises how the lovers need each other to exist)

“From the days when the universe was created To go on for infinite centuries Probably from a previous life, and in the next lives to come Since we’ll be together forever

Since all this isn’t coincidence Since the both of us are the ones who have found destiny” - “DNA”

“Don’t lie, you are indeed an angel” - “보조개” (Dimples)

“There’s no me without you”

“You got the best of me So please just don’t leave me” - “Best of Me”

“The answer To all my wonder(s) I call you her, her Cuz you’re my tear, tear” - “Outro: Her”

“Outro: Her” announces the next part, namely Tear, where the Boy finally understands putting all the responsibility for his own happiness on his partner and altering his own personality to please said partner isn’t good.

Tear is the development of this outro. The Boy knows but he refuses to let go of his toxic relationship, not after putting so much of himself into it:

“Even in the dream that I briefly enter The torturous phantom pain is the same as ever

Did I lose myself Or did I gain you” - “Singularity”

“I wanna be a good man just for you I gave the world just for you I changed it all just for you Now I dunno me, who are you? In the forest just for us you weren’t there I forgot the route that I came by Even I became unsure who I was before Talk nonsense at the mirror, who are you really” - “FAKE LOVE”

“We need to believe in only us Don’t let go of our two hands We need to be together forever

Others say If you’re like this, you’re the only one that becomes a fool But I don’t wanna use my head” - “Love Maze”

In the outro of this album, each rapper consider the meaning of the words “tear” and “fear” (see RM’s behind at 45:00). No matter how hard he tried, the Boy can’t save himself like that

“We walked towards the same place But this place becomes our last Although we used to talk about forever Now we break each other without mercy Although we thought that we dreamed the same dream That dream has finally become a dream My heart is torn, please burn it instead So that pain and regret, none of that would be left

You’re my tear”

The word dream is quite present. The Boy left the dream world but he still longs for it - the forest from “FAKE LOVE” can probably be linked with the forest in Kafka on the Shore, a sort of ideal world.

“The truth untold” could be included but considering how it’s a reference to Smeraldo, I’ll rather leave it with the BU content.

And finally, in Love Yourself 結 Answer, the Boy realizes the solution is simply that he should love himself:

“I’m the one I should love in this world My shining self, my precious soul I finally realise it So I love me Even if it’s a little lacking, it’s so beautiful I’m the one I should love” - “Epiphany”

“You’ve shown me I have reasons I should love myself” - “Answer: love myself”

The epilogue of the relationship between the Boy and the Girl can probably be found in the trivia and in “I’m Fine”.

The innocent Boy from 起 Wonder just wanted to have fun:

“I like the feeling of being together, with you I like the dances that we dance together, with you I just wanna, wanna, wanna I really wanna, wanna, wanna Just dance” - “Trivia 起: Just Dance“

The one from 承 Her put a lot of importance in the other person:

“You are the person Who’ll change my recollections into memories A person who’ll change a person into love Before I knew you My heart was, in its entirety, just a straight line” - “Trivia 承: Love”

The one from 轉 Tear understood it was vain to continue:

“The start was, well, fun With the up and down in itself Before I knew it, we became tired of each other In the meaningless waste of emotionsThe repeated seesaw, seesaw game By this point, I’ve become tired, tired of it” - “Trivia 轉: Seesaw“

The one from 結 Answer answers to the sad Boy from Young Forever and can finally say he’s alright, on his own:

“It’s okay, because I’m my only savior With ugly steps, I live without ever dying How you doin? I’m fine” - “I’m Fine”

Forget the Girl, ARMY is better

With Map of the Soul: Persona, BTS acknowledges the precious friend that has always been there for them, ARMY. They don’t need to find love in a stranger to be happy, they just need to love and care for themselves and the ones close to them.

#TSU #Towards adulthood #Love story

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sirxelots-anime-land · 5 years

Text

Manga Recommandations ...

Yeah, I am finally doing what nobody asked for. I am gonna give ya’ll a list of Manga that I think aren’t that well known but are great and worth a read (at least in my opinion), Sounds Good? Alrighty let’s get this going them!

Groundless - Sekigan no Sogekihei

Now that is one Manga that I would really like to continue and release chapters in english faster. But it seems like no one really bothers to translate it atm wich is sad :( Anyway, Groundless is set on an island in a somewhat modern fantasy world with a civil war rumbling on said island. The main character is Sophia who lost her husband and daughter after their arms shop got set up with a hughe order from the colonel of the army stationed there. All she has left is a sniper rifle her husband hid for her to sell in case something bad happens. Instead of selling it she decides to seek revenge and joins the local militia as a sniper.

It’s got some pretty cool charakters, it’s brutal (not over the top brutal though) and the art is pretty good.

Afterschool War Activities

Alright, technically this is not quite a manga since it is a Webtoon but I like it and it is pretty cool ... yea. Set in a South Korean Highschool, the daily lifes of our class are dissrupted when strange things appear in the sky (strange and deadly). highschoolers and university students have to fill up the military ranks to fight this strange enemy off.

It has a lot of interesting characters in the school class we follow around and it gives a pretty good impression on the emotional stress and trauma the situation brings with it.

Beck: Mongolian Chop Squad

Let’s switch our guns out for something different now ... how about a guitar. Beck is one of my favourite Anime and Manga out there and I’d say everybody should give it a try because it is so good. First of, the Anime ends around Chapter 29 of the Manga and it sticks pretty closely to it. So if you want to watch the anime instead for the first quarter of the Story, there you go :P Since I don’t really know how I should summarize the story of Beck without going on for the next ten minutes I’ll make it short. Yukio Tanaka gets into playing the guitar and starts to set his sights on becomming a rock star (the absolute breakdown version of it). It has a lot of good drama, is super fun and has pretty good music (Anime Only :( ). The only thing that might put you off on the anime at least is the animations. They can be a bit whacky in normal situations. The manga however looks gorgeous all the time. Two last words: JUST READ IT GOD DAMN IT’S SO DAMN GOOD OMG

In This Corner of the World

Oh yeah baby, we’re back with the War stuff. Though this time we don’t really see anything of the fighting itself.

Rather we’re following a typical japanese family through their daily lifes during the second world war. Sound glum and boring? Don’t worry thanks our somewhat clumsy but loveable main charakter and a wonderfull cast in general it won’t be that glum mos.. well ... not all the time. And if the cast isn’t enough, the art of it is also very beautifull and you learn a lot about how live was during that time in japan (there is a whole vocabulary list at the end of each volume explaining certain words and phrases in the context of the war).

But wait that is not all, if you don’t necessarily want to read through the 3 Volumes of it you can watch the movie on Netfilx. It will definitly be worth your time (maybe don’t watch it when you want something happy go lucky though).

Maria: The Virgin Witch

I know it might seem like I only read stuff that is set during some kind of war but I promise you that that is not the case and just a coincidence. This time the story is set in the Hundred Years’ War. Maria our young and ambitious witch wants to stop the war with her sex appeal... Do I need to say more to convince you? Yes? Well alright. She herself is still a virgin so she sends her domestic deamon to do the sexy time part for her. God on the other hand doesn’t really like the idea that Maria wants to end the war wich leads to our little conflict between our cute little witch and an arch angel.

With only three Volumes it’s a nice and quick read and a very fun one at that. Or you know... you could watch the anime wich is also decent.

Black Rock Shooter: Innocent Soul

Alright, now we’re really done with the War stuff i promise :D So you might’ve already heard of Black Rock Shooter and you might have watched the anime/ short movie ova thing. BRS IS takes the charakters of Black Roch Shooter and puts them in a alternate story that has nothing to do with the anime stuff.

Set in Hazama, a world between heaven and earth where souls land that are not worthy of going to heaven nor hell, we follow a girl called rock who is a Black Star whose job it is to keep order. Again a very short manga with three volumes it has a nice story (though it get’s a bit hard to follow in the very last bit from what I remember right now) and a very beautifull art style. Also it has some super funny moments in it thanks to the great dynamic between our main protaganist and her side kick.

Prophecy

Another three volume Manga comming right up. Prophecy. A man uploads videos on definitly not youtube Mr. Copyright man, where he promises revenge for crimes that didn’t get punished hard enough (and pulls through with them). Meanwhile a special divison of the police force specialized in cybercrime tries to catch the man. It’s a nice cat and mouse detective criminal story with an interesting take on social media and social injustice. It can feel a bit silly at the beginning when they talk about the internet but that might just be the german translation in my case :P If you have a thing for some good crime stories definitly check it out.

Aion

One of my favorite and first manga. A manga I would really like to see as an anime but probably never will. I kinda don’t wanna say to much about it here because I probably wouldn’t find an end. So basically mermaids are real and they try to F up humanity with worms that control them. Our main protagonist meets the girl who has her sights set out to kill all the mermaids. It’s a really cool story and unique (as far as I remember it ... I need to read it again) with some nice characters and I also did a drawing of one f the characters that turned out pretty dope ... ok that last part is probably not that convincing to you so just check the manga out ok? Good.

Boku Girl

Ok, you’re almost done by now. To end this list I have something with a bit more bare skin that is also a bit weird and a 100% hillarious and caused me to cry of laughter more than the number of it’s chapters. And it develops into a cute little love story aswell.

Out main character is Suzushiro Mizuki who is far from a a very masculine guy, In fact he get’s mistaken for a girl more than he’d like to. Even his crush thinks of him more as one of the girls. Meanwhile, Loki the Trickster god get’s bored with playing tricks on other gods so he plays one on Mizuki ... (also Loki is a girl ... in this one at least). I guess you might be able to figure out what happens to poor Mizuki with this prank and if you don’t mind that stuff, you most likely will have a blast with it (I hope at least because I definitly had). And I dont’t think I have more to add to that :D

OH WAIT ... IT HAS SUPER CUTE MOMENTS ... that’s all

The Afterword

Aight. that concludes my short list of manga that I want you to read cuz I like them and you better like them too OR ELSE ...

Mind you I did this whole text in one sitting and it was very spontaneous and late at night. So if you can’t make sense out of my gibberish and eventuall spelling/grammatik errors, I am sorry. I didn’t really prepare this as much as I could have and it’s been a while since I wrote a longer text in english.

I hope you enjoyed this list anyways and some of the Manga aswell. I might or might not do stuff like this again in the future, maybe a bit more prepared.

If you most definitly would like to see me stuff like this more, let me know :D

Have a good one folks.

#text post #text #list #afterschool war activities #manga #manga list #in this corner of the world #aion #boku girl #prohpecy #black rock shooter #black roch shooter innocent soul #maria the virgin witch #beck #beck mongolian chop squad #mongolian chop squad #groundless #sekigan no sogekihei

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peaches-of-1 · 5 years

Text

Peachtober | Day 17: Lotus

I didn’t realize this wasn’t in queue, so sorry for this being a few days late!

Hey, guys! Some of you may not know I have a side blog called @iris-idol where I do a sort of self insert kind of thing about my life as an idol. The first part is done at this point and here is a sneak peak of something I haven’t posted it yet.

September 11th, 11:59am

I was so ready for Namjoon’s birthday since he was able to come home from service to celebrate it. I sent him “Happy Birthday, oppa!” at midnight as I planned to do with all of my other members when it was their birthday. We had performed together not too long ago. He had only joined the Army last month. I remember crying so hard when him and the other members of the hyung line left together.

For now, Maknae line had formed a subunit and TXT was having a comeback soon. I was also really excited to finally have an offday just so that we could celebrate with Namjoon for a few hours. Since the show was done, the members that would become Dei5 were in the beginning stages of our trainee lives.

It wasn’t too much right now, just coming up with our concepts to make sure we have clear goals to work towards and stuff like that. Of course we had our deities to research nonstop and there was a ten page essay we had to turn in, written in Korean, to make sure we were making good strides towards understanding what persona we were going to put forward.

For me, that was Iris, goddess of the rainbow and fellow messenger alongside Hermes. A lot of my clothing would be rainbow themed, but also my color was pink. That meant I kept going towards super cute and unicorn imagery. I wanted to do something really aegyo and kawaii but also mix it with hard rock. My Trinket aka symbol was a rainbow rose so there were a lot of duality aspects I could do.

We were going to be a rock-rap group from what BigHit officials told us. I was excited to learn hardcore about rock culture because I had lived it mostly during middle school and high school. It was obvious why I was chosen for the show if they were going for a rock inspired group since I took a lot of vocal inspiration from Adam Lambert and Evanescence.

Alice would be Lyssa, goddess of madness, and her color was black. She had a secondary aka accent color which was silver. She was half Korean and half Aussie, so her blonde hair and blue eyes were completely natural much to people’s surprise. She had been super shocked to be chosen for this group since the final vote was up to the Korean people. Alice was queer. She didn’t put a label on her sexuality and rarely ever specified what she meant other than saying love is love and she wasn’t going to let society get in the way of her heart. Her trinket was a black lace blindfold.

Jun aka Lan Caihe was like our big brother/sister so far. We were pretty sure he was going to be the leader because both Jun and her deity were genderfluid. Jun went by any and all pronouns and liked to dress more closely to a femine aesthetic. Back home, she did drag and made a lot of friends that way. He was the oldest...I think. Anyways, Lan Caihe’s color was green and her symbol was a bamboo flute.

Oppa was Hyojoon, a cutie that was shorter than me and his deity was Igong Hallakgungi and we mostly just called him Halla. By “we” I meant most of the non-Koreans who were on the show because long words are hard. His color was blue. His was the deity of life and death since his deity watched over said garden. Meaning his trinket was also a watering can. Since the show was over, he no longer had to stand out so much. He let his white hair fade and his roots were coming in.

Our youngest was Tristan. He went by Tristan and liked that better than his birth name, so I didn’t think about his actual name. He was a sweet guy and adored me so much. I adored him right back. I called him my little brother, and I meant it. The way he called me Noona was different from how he called Jun or Alice. Like I was his actual big sister. Although we both had other siblings, we treated each other like we had wished our siblings treated us. Basically, I babied him quite a bit. He enjoyed that because he was the oldest of three sisters.

He was kind of like my soul mate. My best friend. My brother.

He then asked me how my training had been and I told it was good. I have honestly just gotten back about a week or so ago. I spent the last month hanging out back home and collecting the rest of my things that I wanted to bring to Korea since I’d be living here from now on.

There was a knock on my door, probably my manager coming to take my phone and tell us lights out. We weren’t allowed to have our phones until after we debuted and after we made a certain amount of revenue.

September 12, 9:21pm

Namjoon oppa had wanted a casual costume party, but I was not a casual person. So I took a shower before showing up to the boys’ dorm in a starry dress. We had planned to make him the center of our galaxy for the night meaning everyone was wearing something with stars or planets or moons on them. Although the trainees from Deify weren’t very close to a lot of the other members of BigHit Entertainment, we had been invited.

Jimin was already redfaced and giggly when I arrived. I bowed and spoke politely to Yoongi who had been a judge on the show as well as everyone else. I wasn’t allowed to drink because we would have meetings and such all day tomorrow. It was mostly just eating and watching videos on the TV.

“It’s nice to see you again, Farai.” Namjoon said my birth name. “You look well.”

“Thank you. You look great too, all healthy. How has your training been, or are you done with that now?”

He handed me a slice of cake, “It’s done with, but I have big news to share with everyone. I guess you can find out first.”

“How come I get to know first?” I asked.

Namjoon shrugged, “You’re good at keeping secrets, and I trust you. Also, you might be able to give me some advice.”

“What do you mean by advice?”

“I’m going to be sent to America for most of my service. They said somewhere in the South, and since you’re from that area, I was hoping you could give me some tips about how to act.” He said, leaning on the counter by the fridge.

“Ah,” I replied. “I see, well. I think you will do a good job because one things I was going to tell you is to be respectful and to call people older than you either ‘Sir’ or ‘Ma’am’. However, you already do that. Hmm,”

I took a moment to think and noticed he was nervously playing with the hem of his new jacket gifted to him by Jungkook.

“Oh, I think this will be a good tip. Two things are really a big deal when it comes to business and older American people. One is eye contact. It shows that you are listening to them and paying attention. Second is a firm handshake. I do not know how you will be treated there, but do your best not to be shy.” I giggled. “Strong but silent is good, though.”

I went on and tried to show him what a firm handshake would be like, his hand lingering in mine as I did my best to explain in English and choppy Korean.

“Iris!” Taehyung turned the corner into the kitchen. “I’m so glad you’re here. I want to show you something.”

So he motioned me over and Namjoon let me join the younger member. Tae had wanted to show me some music and lyrics he wrote for me and was really hoping I could consider adding it to my album. I was taken by surprise. What was I supposed to say?

“Ah, I um. I will try. I will talk to the music producers and see if they will consider it. We are not working on music at this moment, but it sounds really nice. You have grown so much as an artist, Taehyung.” I smiled at him wearing a star spangled beret.

Then we went back to the party for a bit. Trainees couldn’t stay for too long because the grind was just beginning and we were learning Korean. I felt so out of place but also star struck because there were so many idols there. Namjoon was the only one in orangey clothing, so he was easy to find in the crowd.

One of his non idol friends was hitting on me. I was being nice, doing the whole Southern Hospitality thing, but I was not interested in the slightest. He spoke to me in broken English and did his best to hold a conversation with me, so I hung around. Until..

“Will you twerk for me?” He asked.

I bit the inside of my lip and tilted my head, “Um, what?”

“Twerk, you know...with your booty. Like girls in video.” He replied.

“Hahahaha~” Namjoon said, slapping his friend on the back. “Don’t be stupid, Han-hyung. That is really rude.”

The man blinked, “Is it? Really? Is that not just what black girls do?”

“Hahahahahaha~~no. No it’s not. I am so sorry, Farai.”

“I am going to play with Yeontan.” I replied and left them to that.

Tristan hugged me, “Noona~ You look sad.”

“It’s nothing. Just an idiot.” I responded.

“I love you, Noona. You are amazing and strong. Whatever happened, you just add it to reasons why you have to change Korea’s ideas of what someone like you does.” He said, rubbing my back.

“Thanks, my lovely deongsaeng”

Yoongi also wanted to talk to me about my future and songwriting and stuff. He had been a judge on the show, so things were still kind of tense between us. Yoongi had been nice, but I didn’t feel right calling him Oppa just yet. He reminded me that I was going to make the biggest splash as a BigHit artist but also to just focus on being a trainee for now. I would have all my life to deal with the stress of being a foreigner, of being plus size, of having my natural hair, of being dark skinned in Korea. For now, I just had to show that I was an idol first and foremost.

“I promise I will not let you or BigHit down.” I said.

He smiled, “Good.”

Jungkook’s voice called my name next and he said that he wanted me to help with his gift for Namjoon. Right now, it was hard to say no to anyone older than me, especially someone I looked up to. Still, if it made me too uncomfortable, I would have to reject his offer.

“I want to give him birthday kisses. It’s become a tradition now, and I know you have to go soon. I was thinking that we could each kiss one of his cheeks, if that’s ok with you.” The BTS maknae spoke to me in English since he was fluent in it and I was not that fluent in Korean just yet.

“Wouldn’t that be too easy to turn into a scandal of some sort?” I asked.

He waved away my concern, “Don’t worry about what the fans will do. You already have had several dating scandals. Anyways, this is for fun, and I know Namjoon will like it. Don’t you want to see him all blushy and shy?”

I bit my lip and put on a playfully stubborn face, “Maybe…”

Jungkook smiled and we went over to to behind where the birthday boy was sitting. The star eyed maknae counted to three and then both of us leaned down to place a small peck on either of his cheeks.

“Happy birthday, hyung!” Jungkook said.

Namjoon hid his face in his hands, but I could tell he was smiling. Then he looked up at me.

“Et tu, Farai?”

I pointed to his own member, “It was Kookie’s idea.” and giggled, only the color of my skin hiding how I was blushing too.

Alice traced her fingers through mine, “Come on lovebird, we have to go. Work starts early tomorrow.”

I nodded and we told everyone goodnight and farewell.

October 21, 10:33am

I was so ready for Halloween. It was fun trying to come up with ideas of what to do and of course it got turned into a sort of mini promo. When it came down to it, we were basically going to disappear for two years while we trained for Dei5 and wanted to make one final noise before we poofed.

So, we released a short Halloween song and were going to be doing busking in order to promote it. It was a remixed version of “Spooky Scary Skeletons” and all twelve of us who had been on the show were learning a dance for it. We had been working on it for two weeks now, just the dance part. The song was done in about a week. Halloween was in 10 days! Ah, I was living for this.

I knew that what we were doing was simply the tip of the k-pop idol iceberg, but I was just so happy to be busy and doing what I loved. It was frustrating at times since this was all short notice, but I liked it. Today, we worked on gathering costumes for our busking performances. We tried to choose stuff from the same show or franchise, but Imani now understood my distaste towards morph suits. So superheroes were out of the question.

Then we got the idea while playing video games with Sooja and Matthew just a few days ago. Mario characters. Everyone said I had to be Princess Peach, but I wanted to be Peachette. So that’s how we all evolved into all the “-ette” versions of the characters we had chosen. Well, most of us.

I was Peachette, Tristan was Bullet Billette, Alice was Bowsette, Hyojoon was just a regular Boo, and Jun was Yoshette. James was Piranha Plantette, Sooja was Boosette, Matthew had decided to go for Walette while Dongmin decided to be Wariette. Nawoo would be Toad, Gina went for Daisy, and Imani was Rosalina.

We were mostly looking for skirts and dresses. For Dongmin and I who were the two bigger members of the group, literally, we did some online shopping from our phones while everyone else did their things. I was able to get a really long blonde wig to fit my head from a place that Jun told me her drag queen friends always went to.

Jun said he would help me style it to fit Peachette’s hair. I was so thankful for him because I’d be struggling without her.

As my little group of Alice, James, and Nawoo went to the party section to see if the fabric pens were there, my eye caught the cutest arrangement of Halloween gift bags. I looked back at my manager and gave Kyung the best puppy dog eyes I could manage aven pouting a bit. I had talked about doing a project like this before, but he said he didn’t want to spend money on it.

He rolled his eyes and grabbed three packs of 20. He then left us to grab some of the huge bags of candy. I wanted to do something for the people who would be watching us perform. And for Halloween, that’d be candy. The only rule was that I had to make the bags myself. Yeah, that was extra work for myself, but I would always do it for Halloween and Valentine’s Day. The only reason I wouldn’t do it for Christmas is because that was festival season, the most stressful and busy time of the year. I didn’t want to get in the way.

October 31, 3:03am

I had finally finished all of the bags and tied them up. It went faster because of Tristan and Alice helping me, but still. They had extra practice to do to help their dancing skills. Alice was a fantastic dancer, but she didn’t have a great sense of rhythm. I put the last dozen in a wagon that Hyojoon oppa had let me borrow for this since it looked haunted.

Now, I had to go to bed for about seven hours before having to wake up and get ready so that we could be shoved off to perform in Hongdae and Itaewon. They were closer to our dorms than Busan and Ilsan and Daegu.

October 31, 12:30pm

Dei5 had a short meeting where we found out that our official logo would be a lotus, a symbol of rebirth and renewal. It would have five petals for each of us. We would go for a regular sort of symbol, smooth and simple, the lines were not too thick or too thin. It gave us the chance to alter it and remodel it for each comeback. Honestly, it would just be five gold petal outlines with a white center.

It was all that we could talk about with our other members.

I was getting a call from Taehyung during a quick lunch break before we continued dancing. We were at some traditional Korean place and eating bimibap, kimbap, and cold noodles.

“Hello?” I said after swallowing.

“You can’t call her. She can’t know about this.” It sounded like Jimin’s voice in the background.

Taehyung responded, “It’s not like we have many options.”

“If she was invited, you’ll see her there. Do you want to get in trouble with the Mentors?” Jungkook asked, worry and fear in his voice along with concern.

“No, Noona would get mad.” the current middle child said.

“So put down the phone.” Jimin said.

And the line went dead. I stared at my phone confused. What was that all about? Gina asked what the phone call was about and who it was from. I told her it was from Tae but it must have been a butt dial. Whatever, I had noodles to slurp up.

October 31, 7:22pm

Now in full costume, I was ready to dance with the others. I can’t believe it’s been over a month since since Namjon went back to serve. He had a lot of American fans, so he was seen through fan cams. Same went for Hobi, Jin, and Yoongi who mostly did office work. Well, Jin was part of Army Band and Hobi was in another performance Army thing.

“Hey, is it just me, or are there less people out on Halloween than during the day?” Imani asked.

I admitted, “I’ve noticed that too.”

“Do you guys not know?” Sooja asked, extremely puzzled. “Ah, I guess since you’re not usually in Korea during this time of year, and you haven’t been out much because of training, but um. There is a yearly masquerade party that idols go to. Some normies or trainees get invited too, but that is the only way you can go. By invite.”

Tristan added, “Yeah. I honestly thought we would have gotten invited, but I guess they want to train us first.”

Then they went into talking about what kind of rumors surrounded it. How people could go missing if they talked about it or how the person they talked to would disappear. It was very hush hush, like the bedazzled elephant in the room. Everyone who was anyone knew about it and got invited, but no one could really talk about it. Overall, it was a masquerade ball. Oh, I’ve always wanted to go to one of those!

There had been a livestream earlier when we were performing, made people who watched guess who each idol was. It was like a very intense but also fun fandom test. How well did you really know what your faves looked like?

We finally got into Itaewon for the third time today and there were people waiting for us. Like it had been happening all day, but it was still strange to see so many people who wanted to see us. Kyung had surprised me by setting up a total of 200 other goodie bags for fans who came out to watch. Him and the others were dressed in capes.

Our last stop was at N Seoul Tower. My skirt was actually shorter than the original dress just because I didn’t want to have to carry it around and lift it up as I danced. It was a pink lolita dress and Sooja actually had the Toadette/Bowsette crown. She helped make more for all of us.

We would do a Six song set and finish with our Halloween song. I was in three of them with the other members who would make up Dei5. Alice and I did our “No” by CLC cover and we did our easier group choreo afterwards.

Then it was time for “Spooky Scary Skeletons”. The twelve of us got into formation.

“Mortals, Deities, and everything in between~” I spoke.

Matthew added, “We only have one thing to say.”

“Happy Halloween!”

We had cut up the lyrics and such to the famed Halloween song and added two different rap sections for it to help showcase the rappers. I was having such a good time when the first dance break came in and we marched in sync and then posed. It was mostly dance heavy, so it was mostly just remembering what order to do them in. Muscle memory was my best friend in this case.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw the cape wearing staff handing out my little baggies. They were filled with chocolate, non chocolate, and a few trinkets like Vampire Teeth and the like. Also, 100 of the ones that I did not make had special codes in them to get a preorder when our CDs came out. They would have to use them wisely and try not to lose them.

Everyone was given glowsticks too, so we lit up the area more than the tower behind us. Then we all went to the front.

“Boo!”

Stay still for 10 second and then we all held hands and bowed, “Thank you! Happy Halloween! Thank you for all of your support!” and then it was done.

October 31, 10:00pm

I couldn’t help but fall asleep the moment I got home. Yes, it was bad to sleep in makeup and yes I would probably get in trouble for it when I woke up tomorrow because trainees had certain things to follow and wiping off our makeup and doing skincare was one of them. So I’d pay for it later. Right now, it was time to sleep.

I couldn’t help but dream about what it would be like if Namjoon and I danced together at the masquerade ball. The theme would be fire and ice, no jewel tones, no, space. Definitely space and so I could wear a more dramatic version of the outfit I wore to his birthday. However, I would need to be more careful. I was a girl. I was a foreigner and Gods Dammit, I will be an idol.

#BTS #Bangtan #Character: Iris #Iris-idol #@iris-idol #Idol!AU #bwam #ambw #slow burn #extra chapter #Peachtober #Day 17

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dramaqueeenamby · 6 years

Text

4AM:16.1

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TAGGED IN THIS STORY, CLICK HERE.

A/N: I am EXHAUSTED. I will proofread tomorrow. :(

Words: 4K

MASTERLIST ---- BEFORE you read this chapter, read PRETTY WOMAN.

4AM

“Brother!” T’Challa looked up from his seat to find his little sister staring down at him with frustration. “Glory to Bast, what is wrong with you today?”

“Nothing,” he cleared his throat and sat up in his seat. “What is it, Shuri? Have you found anything?”

She shook her head with a look of semi-defeat plastered over her face. “Not yet. Still working on it, though.”

“I would hope so,” he glared lightly, Shuri paying him no mind as she plopped down on the sofa in his office. “What?”

“What are you going to do when you find out who leaked them?”

His shoulders tensed. “Do you really want to know?”

“Do you even know?” She rebuffed as he chuckled. His sister was smart, sometimes too smart for her own good.

“It depends on who it was. If it was a woman, she will be jailed-”

“And if it was a man?” Shuri pressed.

T’Challa leaned back in his chair and squinted his eyes. “The less you know, sister….the better.”

Shuri shook her head. “Brother, you cannot go around murdering people.”

“Did I say that I would kill him?” He challenged.

“Aha, so you do think that it was Amari.” She pointed out with accusation in her eyes and voice. “I knew it.” He averted his gaze. “I can’t believe he would go so far as to hack her though.”

Even though T’Challa said nothing, he quietly thought about how he absolutely believed his wife’s ex-lover to be capable of such a thing. He was bitter and upset that she’d ended things between them and had now stooped so low as to send him a myriad of explicit videos and pictures that she’d sent him over the past few months.

He was just happy that she was unaware of the potential scandal that was brewing while she was in the midst of getting the help that she needed.

“You miss her?” He looked up to see Shuri giving him a crooked smile. “Don’t you?”

He stood up and brushed off his clothes. “Finish tracking the source, please.”

The scientist pouted as her brother kissed her on her forehead and headed for the door. “You never answered the question.”

T’Challa turned around with a smirk before walking out the door. “To quote a very wise sibling of mine: I do not answer stupid questions.”

----

“You’re late.” T’Challa frowned as he was met with an older woman who shared a striking resemblance to Falala. “Where were you?”

He frowned. “Excuse m-”

She eyed him from head to toe. “Very nice outfit. How unfortunate that it will be filthy by the time you leave today.” She suddenly grabbed him by his arm and dragged him inside, slamming the door shut behind him. “Don’t just stand there! Letting all of my cool air out.”

He was thoroughly perplexed….did this not woman know who he was? “Ma’am, I-”

“Well, let me have a look at you,” she adjusted the glasses that were sitting on the bridge of her nose. “Spitting image of your father, you are. But I also see her too. You have her eyes.”

He froze. “What-”

She glared. “But your father’s lack of patience-”

T’Challa reached out to touch the woman’s shoulder. “Do you speak of Ramonda or…..”

“Is she the one who gave life to you?” She placed her hands on her hip. “Bast, and they said that you were bri-”

“Did you know her?” He cut her off, staring deep into her eyes. “M-my mother?”

The woman scoffed. “Of course. I was her tutor and closest advisor.”

T’Challa’s eyes widened. Did this strange elderly woman really know his mother? Who was she?” Falala had “ordered” him to go see her as part of his own therapeutic process, but she hadn’t explained why or for what purpose.

He was starting to see why.

“Can you…” He closed his eyes. “Can you tell me about her?”

The woman smiled warmly. “Of course.” A beat. “While you help me fix my roof.”

His eyes widened slightly. “I beg your pardon?”

“Come, young king.” She turned around, T’Challa noticing that she walked with a slight limp. “It appears I have much to tell you.”

-----

Bashira walked alongside the river located a few hundred feet away from the house that had been her home for almost a week and a half. Not too far behind her, Ayo kept watching for any potential threats while Luna walked so close to the queen that her soft fur rubbed against the equally soft material of her dress.

“How are you feeling this morning?” Falala questioned, trying hard to ignore the Dora. She wasn’t too happy that the king insisted on at least Bashira’s personal guard accompanying them. She thought Luna was protection enough; however, she understood his reservations.

The queen’s life and that of her unborn child seemed to constantly be in danger.

“Okay,” Bashira smiled softly, holding onto her stomach as she walked. “I have yet to cry, so I think that a positive.”

Falala matched her smile. “Tears are therapeutic, Bashira. A sign of release.”

“Well, releasing I have been.” She chuckled sadly. It was true. Since her arrival to her “retreat,” Bashira had shed many tears throughout each day, mostly attributed to the hard truths that Falala was slowly helping her accept.

She felt inadequate compared to her sister. She felt as though Nakia was better than her, hence why T’Challa consistently chose the War Dog over herself.

She somewhat always knew that Amari’s feelings for her were deeper than what he let on; however, she liked feeling needed, feeling wanted, feeling loved.

She hadn’t spoken to T’Challa following her father’s death because she blamed him. If he hadn’t taken her away from Wakanda, perhaps she could have been with him, she could have somehow saved him. Saying it aloud made her realize the fault in her logic, but at that time, logic wasn’t her ally. No, it was her enemy, an enemy that blinded her from seeing that if anyone could have comforted her during her time of bereavement….it would have been T’Challa.

He too had lost his father, something that never even crossed her mind until Falala mentioned it.

So yes…..many tears had been shed, but one thing Bashira could not deny was the freedom she was starting to experience. Freedom from the bondage of being held down by lifelong burdens, freedom from feelings of inadequacy, freedom from the chains of mistrust.

A part of her wanted to stay there forever, to be hidden away from the world. Just her, Luna, and her baby boy.

Yet…..a large part of her longed for him. T’Challa. She missed him.

A part of her “purging” was absolutely zero communication with those on the outside….that also included T’Challa.

However, it didn’t deter the king from calling damn near three times a day checking in with Falala to ensure that his wife and unborn child were still okay. Bashira was also pretty confident that Ayo was reporting back to the king the everyday happenings with the queen.

“You are quiet this evening,” Falala noted. “Is there anything you wish to talk about?”

Bashira paused, looking at the water, smiling as Luna rubbed her head against her. “I think so.” Falala nodded to indicate that she was ready. “My wedding night, well, after that…..as you know, is when I caught T’Challa and my sister….together.”

“Yes, I am aware.” She spoke solemnly. “You’ve said before that you were very upset by that reveal and understandably so.”

“I felt…” she swallowed the lump in her throat. “I felt so many emotions. I was...I was so angry but….not for the obvious reasons.” Bashira wiped at her face. Bast, she was starting to get frustrated with all of her crying, but she knew that it was needed. “I was furious, yes. I felt betrayed, yes. But I was….I was especially hurt because….because I hadn’t just given him my virginity, Falala.” She looked at her therapist. “I gave him my heart.”

Unbeknownst to T’Challa and Bashira, until that retreat......she’d fallen in love with the then-prince.

“You were in love with him,” the older woman continued as Bashira sniffled. “And seeing him with your sister….that pain….it wasn’t just for the betrayal.”

“It was the first time I’d ever been in love, my first heartbreak, and I was….crushed.” She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. “I wanted to hurt him for deceiving me but kill him for breaking my heart.”

“Do you think that is also why you are having such a hard time learning to trust him again? Because you do not want to experience such pain again?” Falala already the answer but as the specialist, it was her job to never put information and project her own inclinations on her clients. She needed them to have their “aha moment.”

Bashira smiled sadly. “Yes, it is why I was having a hard time trusting him again.”

Falala’s eyes crinkled. “Was?”

The queen lifted her head and stared at the waters before rubbing her belly. “I’ve fallen for him again, Falala.” She looked at her. “I am in love with T’Challa.”

-----

“Okay,” T’Challa walked down the steps, his shirt discarded as he held buckets of paint on both arms. “Give it an hour or so, and you should be fine to enter the room.”

“And the roof?” The woman named Mahala questioned, watching some television program while sitting on her sofa.

“All repaired.”

“The bookshelf?”

He sighed. “Fully assembled.”

“The gate out back?”

He fixed his jaw. “Also fixed.”

“Hmmm, you do work fast.” It was taking everything in him to not disrespect the woman by cursing from his frustration. “Well, don’t just stand there. Come! Sit!” T’Challa rolled his shoulders and placed the buckets down on the ground, slowly walking over to sit on the chair opposite the eccentric woman. “You do have her eyes.”

“I did not just spend three hours fixing things for you to tell me that I have the same eyes as my mother.” He hissed before realizing the acrid facet of his tone of voice.

“Well, let no one ever call you passive.” She chuckled as a certain sadness overtook her face. “She was kind, quiet and gentle in nature but strong nevertheless. Extremely bright, one of the most intelligent students I ever had the grace of encountering. Her only vice….she was very naive.”

“How?” T’Challa’s voice was breathy, quiet, and desperate, the king clinging onto every word that she spoke.

“She…” Mahala made sure to find the right words. “She always saw the good in people….even when there was none.” She shook her head. “I was never fond of your father, but your mother….oh, she was head over heels in love with him. Thought the world of that man….and you.”

T’Challa’s chest tightened. “Me?”

“Oh yes, you do not remember because you were too young, but I would come to the palace and mentor her, encourage her, try to lift her spirits…..”

“After she became ill,” he surmised and averted his gaze. “Was she….was she happy?”

She smiled sadly. “Wait right here.” T’Challa watched her stand up and disappear into another room, his foot nervously tapping against the ground. He had no idea why he was so apprehensive. He didn’t do apprehension….yet he could not find it in him to quell his nerves.

“Your mother….” He looked up to see her holding a small box, again, that sadness on her face. “She asked me to give this to you but only when you were older, when you were ready, that readiness, as she wished, to be determined by me, and well, I believe it time.” She handed it to him. He stared down at the box and readied to open it but was stopped by her. “Not here….in your time, and in your own solitude.”

He fixed his jaw, running his thumb over the box. He had so many questions. Why hadn’t this woman come to him years ago? If she was so close to his mother, surely, he would have remembered her? Why had his father not told him of her? The thought of her playing games with him never crossed his mind. He was a good judge of character and while this woman had her quirks….he could see that she was genuine.

He also remembered the picture of she and his mother up in one of the rooms she had him working on.

And he could also tell that she had many more stories to tell, stories that he wished to hear.

“Thank you,” he spoke quietly, holding the box firmly. He wouldn’t let go of it even if his life depended on it. “May I….may I come back tomorrow?”

Mahala smirked. “Who else is going to resurface my pool?”

-----

It was late, the exact time she knew not, only that she could not sleep, twisting from one side to the other as Luna watched her.

Her dutiful panther absolutely refused to slumber until she was sure that the queen was fast asleep and, unfortunately, sleep would not find the queen.

Eventually, she sat up, reached over, and turned on the light before running her hands over her face. She was tired, yet….she didn’t want to sleep. She wanted something else.

Someone else.

Bashira nervously licked her lips. She absolutely could not. Falala would have her head if she even knew what the expecting mother was contemplating. She’d done so well the past week and a half. She hadn’t even thought about doing such a thing not once. Yet, her fingers played with her kimoyo beads.

She took a deep breath, thinking about Ayo who stood outside her door. Falala was fast asleep, and Ayo….she trusted the woman with her life. Not to mention, the Dora’s loyalties lied with her king….not the king and queen’s therapist.

She, for sure, would say nothing.

Bashira quickly turned on some music to sound out the conversation before going for it.

She wasn’t even sure if the call received two good rings before he answered.

“Are you alright?”

She instantly smiled not just at the sight of him but the panic in his voice and face. He was visibly concerned.

“Y-yes.” Bashira nodded softly. “I just….” She shifted in the bed and nervously twiddled her fingers. “I wanted to talk to you.” Her voice was quiet as she looked to see Luna was leaning on the bed, the queen tapping the empty spot on the mattress for her companion to join her. “Were you sleep? I’m sorry. I did not even check to see the time.”

“Bashira,” she looked to see that he too was sitting in bed, their bed, his torso exposed to her as he wore no shirt. “Even if I was sleep, it matters not.” His eyes softened. “How are you feeling?”

She grinned and reached one hand to pet Luna. “Good,” she confirmed before a thought crossed her mind. “Look,” she sat up a bit more and pushed the blankets down, revealing her stomach that was covered by a thin shirt, moving the camera so that he could see. “By Bast, I swear he gets bigger by the day.” She commented, even going as far as to kick the covers off, standing up, and turning to the side so he could really get a good picture of her bump. “He also loves sitting on my bladder now, speaking of which, wait here.” She took off her bracelet, T’Challa frowning as she disappeared from his vision.

Unbeknownst to her, he was taking pictures of her as she showed off her stomach, her womb which carried their son, his firstborn. It was a bittersweet, truly.

“Sorry,” she apologized a few minutes later, her bashful smile returning to his line of vision as he watched her waddle back into bed.

“You look good, Bashira.” He commented. “You look….happy.” It was true. There was a sense of lighthearted energy surrounding her. She seemed far from the unsure and fragile woman he’d left almost two weeks ago.

She nodded quietly, her eyes darting down. “This….this time apart...it has been good for us.” He couldn't argue with that. Well, perhaps, he could have argued that there was no need for them to have zero conversations while she was away, but he kept that to himself. “But I have missed you...I do miss you.”

Hearing that sent warm sensations through the king. “Is that why you called?”

Bashira smiled up at him and shook her head. “It is...I wanted to see you.”

He returned her smile. “I have missed you too, sithandwa sam.”

She leaned back against the headboard and, again, her smile faltered. “We need to talk though….about…..”

“We do,” he agreed. “But not now….in person.” He wanted to talk with her about certain things, namely, her abortion. It was a conversation that needed to take place but not in that venue. He wanted to be close to her, to be able to comfort her because, no doubt, the conversation would become emotional. “I just wish to talk with you.”

“About….”

“I’ve never known you to not have anything to discuss….”

She rolled her eyes at his playful tone and sunk down into the bed, laying on her side. “Okay, well, tell me what you have been doing while I’ve been away.”

Bashira was actually quite surprised as he started to inform her of what seemed like everything that occupied his time in her absence, most of it, of course, kingly duties. However, he also informed her of the video sessions Falala would have with him, something she hadn’t even been aware of, the queen wondering just when these sessions would take place. Were they while she was sleeping?

Nevertheless, conversation flowed easily between the husband and wife, teasing and suggestive comments also included but none of it being uncomfortable. They both felt relaxed with one another, slipping into an ease that they hadn’t experienced since before the wedding.

“I think we should go somewhere,” Bashira announced with a frown. They’d been talking for hours and while she was starting to get sleepy….she didn’t want to hang up. “Together.”

He raised a brow. “Where?”

She shrugged as best she could given that she was on her side. “It doesn’t matter. I just….I think it would be good for us, and I feel as though we never get enough alone time.”

“Yet you are pregnant….”

“T’Challa!”

He chuckled. “Where do you wish to go, sithandwa sam?” A beat. “I will take you anywhere.”

“You pick,” she responded quietly. “As long as you are there with me,” her eyes started to flutter as T’Challa gave her a small grin.

“You need to go to sleep,” he commented.

“I’m,” she yawned again. “-f-fine.”

He saw that her eyes were fully closed now as opposed to the previous fluttering only minutes ago. “Go to sleep, Bashira.” He glanced at the clock. It was two minutes to 4AM. “I will call you tomorrow.”

At that, she moaned quietly and opened her eyes. “N-no. I’ll call you. I don’t want Falala to find out.”

“Understood,” he agreed, mentally making plans for the upcoming trip and ensuring that he made sure his schedule for tomorrow would be clear and free for when she called. “Good night, Bashira.”

“T’Challa?” He looked up before he could end the call, his eyes taking in how she nervously licked her lips before she uttered three words he never knew that he wanted so badly to hear her say before hanging up.

“I love you.” And with that, as the clock hit 4AM, T’Challa felt a surge in his chest, a filling in his heart that he hadn’t realized was vacant.

Reciprocated love.

-----

Nakia beat on the door for a good minute before he swung it open, his chest bare. The princess was momentarily taken back.

Nevertheless, she caught herself and scowled. “What took you so long to answer?”

Erik chuckled as she marched in and closed the door. “Good to see you too, princess.”

“Listen, I did what you asked. I’ve done everything that you asked.” She narrowed her eyes. “I slept with that imbecile and extracted the data from his beads-”

“And I killed my best friend to keep him from talking,” Erik shot back harshly. “Priorities, princess.”

Nakia shrugged, completely unphased. “Collateral damage.”

“He was my friend, Nakia.”

“And now he’s dead,” Nakia pouted and feigned sympathy. “How aw-” She was cut off by Erik grabbing her throat and pinning her against the wall.

“Finish that sentence and bet you’ll join him and your pops,” Nakia clawed at his grip, the prince chuckling and letting go, watching her dub over as she gasped for breath.

“You promised me a crown, you bastard.” She hissed.

“And you’ll get it, but in due time.” He answered, rolling his shoulders and sauntering in the kitchen.

“Due time?” Nakia repeated with wide eyes. “How much longer do you expect me to let that bitch sit on what should have been my throne?”

“How interesting I find it that all of a sudden you strongly desire to be queen.” He noted with a raised brow. “Yet you were quite complacent being T’Challa’s side piece.”

“Fuck you, Erik.” She growled.

He sucked his teeth. “No thank you. I don’t do….” He raked his eyes over her. “-leftovers.”

“You bast-”

“The plan to have the child killed, obviously, failed, so we’ve taken another route-”

“Obviously, it failed because it was doomed from the beginning.” She rolled her eyes and sat on the arm of the sofa. “T’Challa would never let even a fly harm a hair on her pretty little head. He won’t let anyone hurt her. Period.”

“And that right there is the key.” Eriks smiled wickedly. “She’s his virtue…..and his vice. His greatest strength-”

“And his weakness.” Nakia finished with a small evil smile. “But I don’t-”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll explain it all to you in due time. Right now….” As he trailed off, three knocks sounded on his door, Nakia immediately standing up. “Relax, princess.” He also stood. “I figured it was time for you to meet our man on the….inside, if you will.”

Still, Nakia’s naturally standoffish nature caused her to eye the prince with reluctance, trying hard to ignore the way the muscles in his back flexed as he reached to unlock the door. However, Nakia’s shoulders and stomach dropped when she saw who was on the other side.

“Zuri?”

—

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#t'challa x reader #t'challa udaku #t'challa x black reader #black panther imagine #black panther #black panther fanfiction #black panther x OC #T'Challa x OC #T'Challa x Bashira #fic: 4am

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