#results may vary

[thrashz]

Boyfriwnd tip: Put sand in His pussy and in- wait how long does it

and in 6 months to several years you will get pearls

#thrashz.txt #results may vary

[nonetoon]

Life hack ✨

#my art #dumb stuff #tested and actually worked somehow #results may vary

[sacha-da-1]

It could’ve been so easy for Thirteen to stop the Master.

All she would have to do is grab that bastard’s face and give him a kiss on the lips and he would just collapse and be stuck in a daze long enough for her to wrap up whatever disaster he tried to cause.

#okay yeah there may be more to it situationally #but just listen #she should’ve used her seductive powers on him #any and all doctors should try this on the master #results may vary #if she tried to seduce him and do something other than a kiss she’d probably get super awkward tho so #yeah let’s stick with the kiss #doctor who #the doctor and the master #thoschei #best enemies #spydoc #thirteenth doctor #dhawan!master #the master

[kineticallyanywhere]

many of you already know why but I spend more time than any sane person should listening to dungeons and daddies. doing some work tonight and solidifying these tips for dndads listeners who are continuity-trackers. To be specific, which players to actually map your flexible dndads “canon” off of:

Beth: very consistent about her own characters’ details. might wobble in regards to others’ or world continuity at large. safe to map off of.

Anthony: typically your best bet on world building details, starts to slip on things that aren’t particularly relevant to the overall plot, like an NPC that’s only barely a character at the time, or a specific game rule that’s funnier/better to have forgotten about anyway. very safe to map off of.

Will: most likely to be accurate about an obscure detail from 5 sessions ago. also might be plotting something directly in front of your face. pay attention to him, but also pay attention to where his plan clearly started from because anything before that is fair game to be lightly ret-conned for the sake of something better. generally safe but watch yourself.

Freddie: this man is making it up as he goes do not trust. unless it’s about an obscure fact he read on wikipedia or watched a youtube video about, then write that down.

Matt: This man knows continuity in vibe form only. Is his character role play impeccable? Yes. Can he keep his anecdotes about those characters from contradicting? Absolutely not. Disregard unless backed by a secondary source.

#IF HE DROVE GRANT HOME AS A BABY #IN THE BEAST #BUT HE ALSO DIDN'T LEARN TO DRIVE TILL HE WAS 32 #THEN HE /CANT STILL BE IN HIS 30S MATT/ #WHAT HAPPENED TO LINK WANTING TO BE ON HAWAII VACATION WITH HIS DADS MATT #HAS HE LEFT SAN DIMAS OR NOT MATT #YOURE KILLING ME #CAN LINK DRIVE OR NOT #RESULTS MAY VARY #me talking #dndads #dungeons and daddies #this is how I decide whats probably canon and whats not

[victoriadallonfan]

Just a heads up that if you have not upgraded your tumblr package to VictoriaDallonFanPrime, then starting 1/27/23 you will be exposed to advertisements during your favorite VictoriaDallonFan posts!

We appreciate your loyal dedication to all things Ward, Victoria, and VictoriaDallonFan ♥️

#This post sponsored by Parahumans Inc #results may vary #parahumans #wildbow #ward #ward web serial #worm #victoria dallon #wardblr #antares #glory girl #worm web serial #wormblr

[bil-daddy]

I don't suppose you have any advice on how to beat insomnia do you? You seem like a nice, upright fella. Maybe you can help. I stay up all night looking at Good Omens stuff on Tumblr. It's a problem. Sort of.

I'm going to overlook you calling me a four letter word (n-i-c-e), and still try to help you, anon.

There's lots of advice for beating insomnia; turning off screens an hour before bed, not consuming any caffeine after 3pm, taking melatonin, doing at least thirty minutes of exercise then relaxing with a shower. But you've probably already heard all that before, and likely tried at least some of it.

So here's what I'll recommend. If Good Omens is keeping you up, then let Good Omens put you to sleep.

Put away your phone/ tablet/ computer, turn out the lights, and lie in bed thinking about Good Omens. Only Good Omens. Do not let your mind wander. If you start to think about anything else, get your thoughts back on the Good Omens track.

Close your eyes and start visualizing/retelling yourself the plot, scene by scene, in order. Or the plot of your favorite fic. (You could also plot your own fic, but that's more likely to keep you up writing all night.) If you get distracted or lost, start over from the beginning. (Which in this case is the Beginning with a Capital B)

The objective is to focus linearly on the plot, blocking out all other thoughts, until you fall asleep. It's like counting sheep (or goats), except more tailored (or cobblered) to your interest. Interesting enough you can focus on it, but not exciting or new to keep you awake.

It works for me (sometimes) Can't promise it'll work for you, but give it a try if you like. Hope it helps.

And, of course, have an ox rib (platonic) (just don't eat it right before bed)

#bildaddy answers (eventually) #life advice from bildaddy #results may vary #bildaddy #bildad the shuhite #bildad nation #bildad brainrot #bildad the shuhite army #oh bildad the shuhite we're really in it now #oh bildad we're really in it now #have an ox rib (platonic) #bildaddy answers #bildad my beloved #bildad #bildad the shuite #Insomnia

[kornocreep]

Limp Bizkit - Behind Blue Eyes ; 2003

#limp bizkit #the who #nu metal #fred durst #halle berry #results may vary #gothika #the way they kiss... #its making me feel things #things i wont further discuss #shhhhhhhhhhhh

[mewvore]

thank you for being a hot girl with cool art

I'm hot BECAUSE of the cool art. Let that be a lesson all future artists you will get sexier the more you do your best and draw. It'll clear your skin and solve some of your problems!

#I mean it solved like one major problem for me #Which was “I need subway sandwhich money” #And then I drew a picture and got money for subway #results may vary

[the-almighty-god]

🐋🐳

Dear almighty god,

I have a question and I hope you can help.

I heard you ask whales, so here you are (all I ever ask are 3$ but I never get payed...😭... ugh never mind)

So here's the question:

I fell in love with a medium. But how shall I tell her? How do I tell she likes me, too?

Thank you for your help!

Yours sincerely,

Crystal ball anon 🔮

Thank you for the whales, crystal ball anon.

But between a medium and a fortune teller with a crystal ball, at least one of you should be able to figure out if the other has a crush on you. She might already be aware of your feelings. You might already be subconsciously aware of hers, as well, but just don't realize it.

Think carefully about her behavior, body language, what she says to you and how she says it. If you pay attention, you can pick up on quite a lot.

That being said, if you're looking for something and not finding it, that may be because it isn't there, which is can be difficult to accept.

Does she initiate contact with you about as often as you do with her? Or are you always the one reaching out?

When you reach out to her does she respond quickly and make an effort to continue the conversation? Or does she give short answers and never ask you any questions? As if she is just trying to get your conversations over with as soon as possible?

Does she really listen to what you have to say, and seem interested and engaged? Or does she seem bored and disinterested?

Does she want to learn more about you and the things important to you? Or does she only ever want to talk about herself and the things she cares about?

Just examples to think about, though every person expresses their interest differently. Some people are shy or more covert with their feelings than others. Some people actively avoid or are hostile towards their crush, even--which isn't usually a healthy way to handle it, but it something else to look out for.

You know her better than I do, so ultimately you'll have to decide if her behavior towards you is indicative of a crush.

But, if you want to confess your feelings in a way a medium might appreciate, you could always use a ouija board.

#the almighty answers #ineffable #good omens #come back when you can make a whale #Results may vary #Exceptions apply

[turquoisewave]

Dracula Daily Bingo

#results may vary #not to be taken seriously I just wanted to put together things that commonly showed up #dracula #dracula daily #bingo #shame I didn't finish this before this entry I would have gotten bingo #this is more about the second half of the book after the narrative shifts away from Jonathan #jonathan's adventures in the castle would need their own bingo board #I was gonna add one square that just said voluptuous but I chickened out

[are-we-really-doing-this]

Y’all Fred hoes are gonna enjoy this one (I say as if I’m not one myself).

😮‍💨

‼️TONE CHANGE‼️

See page for part 2 y’all~ 🥴

#I guess it’s #fred durst Friday #limp bizkit #fred durst #more like fred dilf #eat you alive #results may vary #fred is so fucking fine and for what #not my tag #part one of two #fuck me these lense flares are doing nothing for the quality

[threewombatsinatrenchcoat]

Not sure of the origins of this, but this is an epic spell.

NGL, this would work on me.

#magic #valentines day #destroy the gender binary #works on men too #results may vary #see a witch doctor if symptoms persist

[callmebabydoll508]

flashing my partner from up on a short cliff while hiking >>>>>>>

#results may vary #on the trail i got a goofy grin of surprise #at home i got railed for almost 2 hours until i couldn’t think #mine❤️‍🔥💖 #d/s blog #dom/sub #queer nsft #d/s #nb nsft #wlw nsft #nsft

[scarletooyoroi]

“Normally, I hear that it’s a popular trend to be everyone’s problem. So how about a small spin on that?”

“I’m here to become everyone’s good time.”

#He said what he said #results may vary #cash in this post now and get a free slushie at your local 7-11

[bil-daddy]

bil-daddy (platonic) i jus confessed to my crush and i need sum supportive words cause im really scared

I dunno if I'm the right person to go to for this (*flashbacks to when I first confessed to my crush and the worst they could say wasn't no*) but I'll do my best, kid (human)

Let me start off by saying it's going to be okay.

No matter what your crush says, it's going to be okay. (Even if they say "I forgive you" it's going to be okay)

Maybe they like you back. Maybe they don't. Maybe they're not sure and want to go on a date and see where it goes.

Whatever the outcome is, it's going to be okay.

You're going to be okay.

If your crush likes you, great! Start slow, build on what you already have--I'm making the assumption that you are already friends--but if you're not, get to know them as a friend and a person, as well as love interest, and figure out what being together means to the two of you. It's different for every couple (and relationship that includes more than two people).

It's tempting to wanna jump in headfirst to full blown relationship, but pace yourself. Aziraphale always reminds me not to go too fast and he's right. Go too fast, you might crash and burn. But go slow and steady, and you'll have a strong foundation for a healthy relationship.

Now, if your crush doesn't like you back, I'm really sorry. That seriously hurts, and it'll hurt for a while. It'll be awkward for a while, too. You'll probably have to take a step back from the friendship for both your comforts, and that's fine and normal. Maybe things will eventually go back to the way they were, but maybe they won't. And if they don't, it's alright to mourn the friendship you once had along with the relationship you never did.

It will take time, but you will pick up and pieces, put yourself back together, and move on. You'll find a new crush--or someone else might even confess a crush they have on you, and you'll have to decide if you're into them or not. And it's okay if you're not.

But whatever happens, you're going to be okay. I repeat, you're going to be okay. So take a deep breath, drink a glass of water, and have an ox rib (platonic)

Good luck!

#bildaddy answers #life advice from bildaddy #results may vary #have an ox rib (platonic) #bildad nation #bildad brainrot #bildaddy #bildad the shuhite #bildad the shuhite army #oh bildad the shuhite we're really in it now #oh bildad we're really in it now #bildad my beloved #bildad the shuite #bildad #shuhite sunday #bilday

[kornocreep]

Limp Bizkit - Eat You Alive ; 2003

#limp bizkit #nu metal #results may vary #THIS IS THE BEST SONG ON RMV ONG #I AM OBSESSED #when he says “there's nothing in this world that could wash you away” my heart melts #if i had the chance i would hold him for hours and never let go