#I was but a child during the original release

[wonderstruck-perfume-tv]

Do you think if I said please, Taylor would announce the rerelease of the wonderstruck perfume?

#taylor swift #taylor lurking #taylornation #taylor’s version #eras tour #taylors version #speak now #speak now taylor’s version #Taylor honey if your listening #I’m willing to do it #whatever you need babe #I’m here #anything to manifest this 🫶 #pretty pretty please #I was but a child during the original release #a small ignorant child #I need a second chance

[srgntjamesbuckybarnes]

Past, Present, ...

Summary: After sleeping with Bucky after months of comforting him during his nightmares, Y/N returns from a three-week mission to find out she's been replaced.

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Near death, Implying attempted suicide (it's not)

Word Count: 5.7k

A/N: Not Beta'd. Dusting this off from the drafts. I wrote this while sleep deprived. Not sure how we got here but the original ending wasn't a happy one. Enjoy whatever this is instead.

How much space is too much?

According to James Bucky Barnes, three weeks isn't enough.

Three weeks on an assignment was enough for Y/N to become homesick. She understood she would have to pause her life to save the world, but what no one informed her was that the rest of the world would continue to play.

“Y/L/N?” A familiar voice shouted.

Adjusting the strap of her duffle bag on her shoulder, Y/N turned her head to find her co-worker jogging towards her. Slanting her eyes, Y/N raised her palm to block out the sun.

“Wilson,” she addressed the man when he was near.

Bent over with his hands on his knees, Sam panted. His sweatshirt stretched across his back making the dark patch of sweat more prominent. Squinting up at Y/N, Sam breathed, “Did you just get back?”

Y/N bobbed her head, adjusting the strap on her shoulder once more for emphasis rather than comfort. She did not need to ask to know Sam just returned from his run. He usually ran with Steve and Bucky, but they always finished well before Sam. It wasn’t uncommon for him to return hours after the super-soldiers.

Pushing off his knees, Sam stood, tilting his head toward one of the many entrances in Avengers Tower. He knew better than to offer to carry her duffle bag. The weight of missions was often packed in the bags they returned with.

Y/N and Sam strolled side by side. Sam only paused to open the door for Y/N. Trekking into the tower, he could finally relax his eyes from the intense sun. The two stood shoulder to shoulder, waiting for the elevator to arrive.

“I thought you were already back,” Sam admitted, watching the light above the elevator doors.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows. Her mission was supposed to be longer. If anything, he should have anticipated her return later. Facing the man beside her, she asked, “Why?”

Ding.

Scrambling into the elevator, Sam leaned against the wall across from Y/N. She reflected his behavior, leaning against the wall behind her.

Once the elevator started moving, Sam confessed, “Bucky skipped his run today. I thought I saw you with him before I left. Guess I was wrong.”

Y/N bit her bottom lip, reopening a recently closed wound. She released her lip long enough to confirm what Sam already knew. “You were wrong.” Ignoring the coppery taste flooding her tongue, she drew her bottom lip between her teeth again.

She hadn’t seen her teammates in three weeks. She hadn’t seen Bucky longer. She assumed they were doing great, but Bucky didn't share her thoughts. He denied it, yet he went out of his way to avoid her since their last mission together, since they slept together. How one could be sweet in one moment and cold in another, Y/N would never understand.

Y/N and Bucky started off rocky. He hated her from the moment they met. Bucky was struggling in the field, so Steve asked her to keep an eye on him. Bucky rejected her the second Steve introduced them. He saw through Steve’s plan and stomped his feet like a child. Rather than confirm Bucky’s insinuation, Steve vouched that she deserved to be on the team for her talents, not to babysit Bucky. He even suggested that Y/N and Bucky spar to prove it. Bucky loathed her then. She laid him out several times that day. It was the reason Steve sought her out in the first place. Bucky was a far more experienced fighter than Y/N. He should have won every fight. He lost them all.

Muffled voices were heard from the other side of the doors. Voices Y/N craved to hear since she departed for her mission. When the doors spread, Sam was the first to enter the room. “Hey guys,” he called out, extending his hands toward Y/N, “look who I found.”

Y/N tentatively stepped off the elevator, joining her friends in the living room. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen so many eyes on her. “I didn’t know there was a party,” she joked, waving.

Tony was the first to speak up, a glass of honey liquid in hand, “Glad, you're back. We were just getting to know Bucky’s girlfriend over here.” He lifted his glass.

Y/N’s eyes followed the direction of Tony’s glass. Her hand tautened around the strap of her duffle bag for support. Y/N hadn’t noticed the extra body in the room at first. The team always had someone over for business or pleasure; it didn’t matter. This time it did because staring back at her was Bucky’s guest, his girlfriend, undoubtedly here for pleasure.

The stunning woman beside Bucky introduced herself. “Hi, I’m Evangelina, but everyone calls me Lina.” Y/N could see the muscles in her uncovered arms tense. Even though she couldn’t see the hand attached to the arm from the other side of the bar, she knew Evangelina was holding Bucky’s flesh hand. “But Bucky calls me Angel,” she added, batting her eyelashes at Bucky.

The woman wasn't solely attractive; she also had a heavenly name. Y/N mentally gagged at the thought of hearing Bucky call his girlfriend Angel.

The coward refused to meet Y/N’s eyes. He took a lengthy drink from a glass matching Tony’s. Stark usually drank top-shelf liquor. Y/N might have been concerned under different circumstances, but she knew the liquor did not affect him, unlike herself.

“Y/N,” she weakly introduced herself, gnawing on her bottom lip again.

“We were just having drinks. Care to join us? There is plenty of alcohol. I can make you something,” Evangelina offered politely.

Y/N’s teeth clamped tight on her bottom lip. She spent three weeks wishing she could return to the tower, only to be treated like a guest, an outsider in her own home.

It was then that Bucky decided to face her, yet his eyes looked right through her. Y/N’s chest tightened. She didn’t know it was feasible to feel more alone in her home, surrounded by friends and a man she had been intimate with, than by herself in a foreign country. She wondered if he could see the hurt written on her face.

“I-I don’t-”

Bucky’s whiskey-strained voice interrupted, “No. No drinks.”

A gasp pulled Y/N's attention away from the couple. Cold, pale hands rested on her cheeks, rotating her head from side to side. “Y/N, you’re bleeding,” Natasha chastised.

Wrestling out of Natasha’s hold, Y/N utilized the back of her hand to wipe the blood from her lip. Staring at the crimson fluid coating her skin, Y/N jerked her head. “I can’t.” Blindly smashing the elevator button behind her, she whispered, “I have to…” her voice trailed off as she jabbed her thumb over her shoulder. Disregarding everyone’s silent questions, she bolted into the elevator, only letting her shoulders sag when the doors closed. The strap of her duffle bag slid from her shoulder landing with a thud. Gliding her back down the wall, Y/N cradled her knees and wept.

Every night before bed, Y/N prayed the sun would never rise because when day broke, Bucky vanished. Her dreams filled with memories of their last mission together. Reality was the price of admission for eight hours in heaven.

Y/N clenched her jaw at every public display of affection between the new couple. In the time she had known him, Bucky had never been touchy-feely in public. Now, he couldn’t appear to stop. Bucky only ever reached for Y/N after a nightmare or horrific mission. He reached for her at his lowest and she responded with open arms. He might have another woman occupying his bed, but he continued to fuck with her head.

The voice in her head wasn’t her own anymore. Every thought she had echoed back in his familiar deep timber. She couldn’t shake him. A twisted part of her brain wondered if he couldn’t shake her either.

Sam’s comment when she returned from her assignment should have been her first clue. He had mistaken Evangelina for her. Sam had been the first to mention the resemblance between the two, but it wasn’t the last time Y/N received those kinds of comments.

In the time that Y/N had gotten to know Evangelina, which wasn’t much, she concluded that she didn’t hate her. The two had more in common than she wanted to admit. Evangelina made it a point to befriend all of the Avengers; Y/N included. Y/N hated that she enjoyed her company. It was a tough pill to swallow at first, but she couldn’t hate the woman for her taste in men. Who didn’t find Bucky Barnes attractive?

Bucky had been more challenging to read. He didn’t prevent the women from becoming friends, but he didn’t encourage it either. He continued to keep his distance from Y/N, only interacting with her in group settings.

The Avengers were unaware of Bucky and Y/N’s history. Their relationship was exclusively behind closed doors. Y/N wondered if Evangelina would be her confidante if she knew Y/N had warmed his bed first. Maybe Bucky told her and that was why she pushed to be Y/N’s friend. Maybe that was the reason she asked to raid Y/N’s closet for her date with Bucky. Even though Y/N desperately wanted to slam the door in her face, Evangelina was innocent in the situation. So, she agreed.

“You have so many pretty dresses,” Evangelina said in awe. Her hand ran across each piece of fabric dangling in the wardrobe.

Y/N’s fingers plucked at a loose thread on her comforter. Although they were now friends, helping Bucky’s girlfriend pick out an outfit for their date was still awkward. At least it was on Y/N’s end. Evangelina was none the wiser.

“Perks of being an Avenger.”

“What’s it like being an Avenger? Bucky never talks about his work life. He’s always tense when he returns from a mission.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow even though the other woman couldn’t see her. Bucky was slow to open up, especially about his past as the Winter Soldier. Y/N wasn’t surprised he dodged the topic. Ever since Natasha leaked classified files, Bucky’s past became public knowledge. Bucky and Evangelina’s relationship progressed beyond what Y/N previously had with Bucky, at least on the surface. She didn’t know much about their life behind closed doors. Bucky never took Y/N on a date or made her his girlfriend, but he let her hold him in her arms at night and let her in after a difficult mission. Yet his girlfriend practically confessed she knew nothing about his troubles. That was what shocked Y/N.

“It’s…” she paused, attempting to find the right words to convey the difficulties of the job without disturbing her. “It’s like war. You save and lose people. It’s rewarding and sucks at the same time.”

Evangelina pivoted with a black cocktail dress in hand. “That sounds awful.”

Y/N shrugged. “People do it every day. Steve, Sam, and Bucky were all military men before this.” She waved her hands around the room.

Evangelina caught the shift in Y/N’s tone. It wasn’t something she wanted to talk about, a reaction Evangelina grew used to from her exchanges with Bucky. Altering the subject, Evangelina pressed the cocktail dress flush to her body. “What about this one?”

Y/N sucked in a deep breath. She wore the dress on her last mission with Bucky. Though he didn’t say it in public, his reaction when they returned to the safe house that night was enough to know Bucky admired the dress. With Evangelina’s similar figure, Y/N knew Bucky would equally appreciate it on her, especially since he wouldn’t get to rip it off of Y/N again.

She would have told Evangelina about the dress, but it was none of her business. The past was in the past. One Evangelina wasn’t a part of. If Bucky hadn’t told her about their past neither would she. Was it bad to send Evangelina on a date in the dress Bucky had fucked her in? Probably. Did she hope he would think about her the entire date? Absolutely.

Clearing her throat, Y/N plastered a phony smile on her face. “Good choice.” After the date, the dress would be tarnished, like rerecording over an old tape.

Y/N never considered herself a masochist, but she couldn’t escape the role of a domestic sinner. She couldn’t sabotage Evangelina’s relationship no matter how Bucky made her feel; however, she could ruin her own relationship. There was a time in her life when she thought Bucky was the one. Part of her still believed it. It was the part she had to sacrifice.

She told herself Bucky’s soft caresses and lingering stares meant nothing, that every promise spoken was a lie to satisfy the moment. Everything Y/N ever loved had been hard to part with, so she convinced herself Bucky never truly loved her. He couldn’t with how readily he replaced her. Could he? It didn’t matter because he chose Evangelina.

“Hey, Y/N,” Steve welcomed jovially.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as Steve’s voice carried down the hall. Who was he talking to? Rounding the corner just in time, she hadn’t missed the way Steve’s eyes enlarged at the sight of her.

“I didn’t realize,” Steve began, his eyes flashing between both women. “I thought you were Y/N.”

Evangelina chuckled, gliding her hands across her abdomen to smooth down the front of the dress. “I’ll take that as a compliment. Y/N was considerate enough to lend me her dress.” She turned to Y/N, who was still standing in the archway of the lobby. “Thanks again.”

Before Y/N could reply, a hand slinked around her waist, drawing her into a solid body. Startled, Y/N tensed.

“Hey, Ange-” Bucky’s tongue twisted as his eyes landed on Y/N. He was relieved he peeked at her face before he complimented her appearance. He dragged his arm back to his side in a flash. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you to be here.”

Y/N chewed her lip, taking a step back. Bucky was dressed from head to toe in black, matching Evangelina. Y/N wondered if they planned to dress for her funeral before or after they killed off any romantic feelings she had for Bucky.

“I did the same thing,” Steve laughed. Bucky glowered at him, forcing his hands into his pockets. Steve held his hands up, “I didn’t touch anyone though, that was all you.”

Bucky grumbled, crossing the lobby to plant a kiss on Evangelina’s forehead. His right hand rested on the small of her back. “You look gorgeous,” he whispered against her hairline.

Evangelina grinned, “You don’t look bad yourself.”

Y/N couldn’t argue with that.

The faint smile on Bucky’s lips disappeared as the hand on Evangelina’s back ran up her spine. The tips of his fingers halted over a loose thread beside the zipper. Anyone would have glossed over it, but not Bucky. Not when he was the one to patch the dress up and certainly not when he was the one to tear it in the first place. When his gaze collided with Y/N’s, she knew he recognized the dress. His eyes blatantly proceeded to check her out.

Y/N flushed as he studied her; however, the moment his eyes drifted to his best friend, Y/N’s blood ran cold. “Are you two,” he pointed between Y/N and Steve. His voice was unable to fully ask the question he wanted to.

Steve slung his arm over Y/N’s shoulder. It was meant to be a joke, but Y/N saw the blaze in Bucky’s eyes. She didn’t know if it was directed at Steve or herself.

“I wish,” Steve beamed down at her. “I have a conference with Fury in an hour. I was hoping to get there early.”

Y/N sent Steve a soft smile. Steve and Bucky were best friends. If anyone knew what transpired between the two on their last mission, it would be Steve. His reaction proved otherwise. She was confident Steve didn’t know about her past with Bucky or he wouldn’t have unknowingly taunted Bucky.

Evangelina ran her hand along Bucky’s back affectionately. “What about you, Y/N? That dress looks amazing on you. I’m almost jealous I didn’t borrow that one.”

Untangling herself from Steve’s hold, Y/N focused on responding to her new friend rather than Bucky. Puffing out her chest, Y/N said, “Thanks, Lina. I have a date.”

Evangelina grinned, “You should join us.” She directed her attention to Bucky, slapping the center of his chest. “They should join us.”

Y/N’s eyes bulged at the prospect of a double date with Bucky. Absolutely not.

“Could be fun,” Bucky added, but his voice lacked emotion.

She officially lost her mind. There was no way Bucky was actually on board with this idea. The man spent most of his time avoiding her. The second she attempts to move on, he tries to interfere. No. No. No.

Y/N shook her head, lying through her teeth, “It’s still new. I’m not ready to introduce him to anyone I know yet.”

Bucky’s eyes lingered on Y/N’s figure for a moment. “That’s not exactly a new relationship kind of dress.” His eyes narrowed in a challenge.

Y/N pursed her lips. “It is for the kind of relationship he and I have.”

Bucky and Y/N’s first assignment together was a disaster. Bucky wasn't prepared to return to the field, but he insisted he was fine. The mission was successful, but only after Bucky hesitated and Y/N was stabbed. The knife was meant for Bucky, and he took her sacrifice for his mistake poorly. They argued even while Y/N was getting stitched up. At the time, they couldn’t stand one another, but looking back on it, it was the tipping point from enemies to friends.

Tony pressured the two to get along for everyone's sake. He suggested going out for a drink and hashing it out. It was the typical outing for a man of Tony’s status with enemies. Bucky had been the first to yield, offering to buy Y/N a drink. As long as it meant they could move forward, he didn’t care. Y/N declined. Bucky scowled in frustration.

“I probably shouldn't tell you this, but ever since the whole enhanced superpower thing, alcohol is like poison to me.”

Bucky’s face softened. Alcohol had been an issue for him and Steve as well. He detested that he couldn’t get drunk, especially with the unwanted memories that plagued his head frequently. It paled in comparison to her side effects. At least he could still consume the liquid and pretend.

“How about dinner then?” Bucky proposed.

Y/N nodded. “Dinner would be great.”

After that, the pair functioned well together. At least until Y/N witnessed Bucky’s nightmares or when he pulled away from everyone after a challenging mission. That was when Y/N began comforting Bucky. While it wasn’t a problem before, it was now.

“Stop staring at me,” Bucky grumbled.

Y/N couldn’t tear her eyes away from the super-soldier. It was their first mission together since he began dating Evangelina. The two of them were trapped in a safe house on the other side of the world. It wasn’t the first time they had stayed in this particular safe house. It was the exact safe house they inhabited on their last mission.

“You’re hurt,” Y/N observed. Bucky naturally had a sway in his gate. Today, it was heavier, as if he had been lugging extra weight around for hours.

“I’m fine,” Bucky rasped, keeping his back to Y/N. He kept his focus on igniting the fire in the fireplace before them.

Y/N frowned. “I don't mean physically.” Bucky remained silent. “Maybe you should call Evangelina,” she proposed. It was the practical thing to suggest, but it seemed to have the opposite effect on Bucky than she intended.

Bucky whirled around; the fire blazed behind him. “I said I’m fine,” he barked. His dark eyes pinned her to her spot on the worn couch.

Y/N chewed her bottom lip. If he was going to get angry with her for caring, then she’d get furious right back. “If you’re so fine, then why have you been avoiding me?”

Bucky grumbled something under his breath, running his hand through his hair. “I already told you, I haven’t-”

“Bullshit.” Y/N rose from her seat. “You fucked me after that HYDRA mission and discarded me like garbage,” she fumed. “I gave you space. I’m gone not even an entire month and suddenly you have a girlfriend. Fuck you, James.”

Bucky stormed the room until he was standing in front of her. His nostrils flared as he ran his tongue along his teeth before baring his teeth. Y/N tipped her head back, daring him to put his hands on her. Bucky studied her face momentarily, their faces hairsbreadths from one another as he hissed, “Fuck. You. Y/N.” From this distance, she could see the muscles in his face twist. She knew he was pissed. Bucky pulled away. “You think you know everything. You have no idea what it's like to have someone fuck with your head.”

Y/N shoved his chest hard. Bucky didn’t even flinch. “You! You’ve been driving me insane with your games!” Her hands moved to shove him again, but he caught both of her wrists.

“Don’t,” he growled.

Y/N ripped herself free from his hold. His grip wasn't tight enough to hurt, still she rubbed her wrist anyway, trying to rid her body of his touch.

“Go back to your boyfriend, Y/N,” he commanded.

Y/N squinted at the man in front of her. This version of him was a stranger. “I heard you,” she voiced softly. “That night,” she pointed to the bedroom down the hall, “when you thought I was asleep, you said you love me.”

If she wasn’t an Avenger, she wouldn’t have detected the way his eyes widened for a fraction of a second. Bucky no longer had to wear a mask from HYDRA, but it seemed everyone except Bucky got the memo. His voice matched the stone-cold expression he wore. “I lied.”

It was the lack of sympathy in his voice that slammed the casket closed. With two little words, Bucky Barnes had buried her in the same place he made love to her.

Bucky returned to the tower after dropping Evangelina off when he stumbled across Natasha with a glass of wine in hand. She was snuggled under a blanket on the couch, watching a true crime show. Since he was unsure where everyone else had gone, he settled on the spot beside Natasha.

“Long night?” Natasha questioned, side-eying the brunette.

Bucky moaned, running his hands down his face. “Long week.”

Natasha swirled her glass of wine. “There is still a bit of wine left. It won't get you drunk but it might help you relax.”

Bucky pursed his lips. “I don’t think that will help.”

Natasha shrugged. “There’s some liquor Y/N’s boyfriend left on the counter over there.” She pointed to the nearly empty bottle across the room. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind sharing.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow, “He’s here?”

The red head nodded. “They just got back from dinner. She said they were going upstairs to watch a movie, but after the amount of alcohol they had, I’m sure they are doing more than that.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

Bucky stiffened. “They were both drinking?”

“Yeah. The boyfriend came down a couple times to make mixed drinks. He offered me one the last time he was down here, but,” she raised her wine glass.

Before Natasha could continue, Bucky was out of the room, taking the stairs three at a time. He didn’t expect Natasha to understand. People didn’t go around broadcasting their weaknesses. Y/N told him hers, despite them not being friends. It wasn’t his position to share the information. He regretted it now.

Bucky pounded his fist on the wooden door of Y/N's bedroom with a force that made the hinges creak. “Y/N, you in there? Open up,” he pleaded, his voice laced with concern. When he tried the handle and found it locked, his heart sank. “Y/N,” his voice grew more desperate. He could hear shuffling on the other side of the door and leaned in, straining to hear anything that might give him an indication of what was transpiring inside. Despite his repeated requests, the door remained sealed shut, and Bucky's impatience and frustration mounted with each passing second. His voice grew louder, his fists clenched tightly, as he roared for Y/N to open the goddamn door. But there was no response. Finally, Bucky stepped back, his eyes flashing with rage, preparing to kick the door down.

The door opened the second Bucky lifted his boot. A man Bucky had never seen before pushed past him, flying down the hallway. “I didn’t do anything,” he cried as he stepped onto the elevator.

Whiplash hit Bucky hard. His head twisted between the man on the elevator and Y/N’s open bedroom door. The second he caught sight of the man's face, he filed it away preparing to deal with him later. Bucky ran into Y/N’s room. His heartbeat drummed loudly, drowning out the sound of the TV playing in the background. He called her name, but there was no response. He scanned the entire room, finding it empty. His boot kicked a glass, the brown liquid staining the carpet. With a lump in his throat, Bucky knocked on the bathroom door and waited for half a heartbeat before he jerked the door wide open.

There she was, sprawled out on the bathroom floor. Bucky crouched down beside her. His flesh hand shook her shoulder as he called her name. No response. He rolled her onto her back, his fingers searching for the pulse on her neck. Bucky almost missed the faint thrum of her pulse beneath his fingers. His own body was shaking. He called her name once again but was met with silence.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. send the medical unit to Y/N’s room,” his voice quivered as he addressed Tony’s artificial intelligence.

He stepped over her to turn the shower on. Leaving the sliding glass door open, he enveloped her torso in his arms, dragging her bodying into the shower. Crumbling to the floor behind her, he cradled her body under the spray of the cold water.

“Come on, Y/N. Wake up,” he pleaded. He tapped her face repeatedly. “Come on. Not like this,” his voice began shattering. Her head lulled into his chest. Bucky’s fist clenched, mindful not to crush her, as a loud sob tore through his chest. Bucky held her tighter than the clothes adhering to their skin beneath the water. He swayed her slowly as tears gushed down his face. “Come on Y/N. Come back to me,” he croaked. “Tell me to go fuck myself. Anything,” he begged, praying for a reaction. It was futile. Bucky smashed his lips onto the top of her head. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Y/N’s eyes fluttered open with a groan. Her body was sore on the brink of death. One look around the room confirmed she nearly died. She visited the medical wing frequently between missions. The injuries she had endured on the missions were nothing in comparison to what she was experiencing now.

A pressure landing on the back of her hand had her head snapping to her side. Bucky sat with his forehead pressed to the back of her hand, a prayer escaping his lips. Y/N furrowed her eyebrows searching for her last memory of Bucky.

The brunette lifted his head, running his fingers through her hair. “You scared me,” his voice was shaky, his eyes never left her face.

“Where’s-”

Bucky snarled, “Your boyfriend? Don’t worry about him, he’s an asshole.”

Y/N flinched. “He didn’t know.”

“That’s not why he’s an asshole. He ran and left you on the bathroom floor to die.” Bucky watched as Y/N processed the new information. The lack of surprise concerned him. He didn’t want to ask, but he needed to know. “Did you know there was alcohol in your drink?”

Y/N scoffed, crossing her arms. “Of course, I didn’t, Bucky. You’re an asshole for leaving me too. I’m pissed at you. I’m not suicidal. You did your good deed. I’m alive. Now you can go back to your Angel.” She spat the last words, parodying his words from the safe house.

Bucky sat back in his seat, rubbing his chin. He hadn’t meant to hurt her. He just wanted to push her away. He pushed too far. He almost lost her. He couldn’t avoid her any longer, she deserved an explanation.

“It wasn’t a lie,” he mumbled. Part of him didn’t want her to hear it, still wanting to starve off the conversation.

“What?”

He took a deep breath, leaning forward. His elbows rested on his knees with his hands clasped in front of him. His face turned serious. “I love you.” Y/N’s heart skipped a beat while her face turned sour. “But I can't be with you.”

A tear rolled down her cheek. “Why are you doing this? Why now?”

Bucky winced at the hurt in her voice. It hurt him too. That’s why he avoided the conversation for so long. “I’m too vulnerable around you. I fall back into my head way too easily. I don’t want to be reminded of my past. Then I met Ang- Evangelina and suddenly, I’m not thinking about all of the people I’ve killed, or the way HYDRA tortured me. With her, I’m living in the present.”

Y/N sat up harshly, the tears had stopped flowing a few sentences ago. “Because you won’t open up to her! You’re running from your problems and the second she’s gone, you’re gonna be stuck in your head again. Alone this time. Sorry, I was only a distraction long enough for you to fuck me. You don’t love her. You love the idea of normalcy with me!” She insisted, jabbing her finger into her chest.

Bucky closed his eyes, his head in his hands.

“For fucks sake, Bucky. She looks like me. This isn’t reality. This isn’t you. You're playing a role in some cheesy romcom. You’re letting her emulate me to fill a spot. She’s my understudy and you know it.”

Bucky ran his hands through his hair before looking up at her. Teary-eyed, he confessed, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who I am anymore. I just want to be normal again.” His head rested on his bent arms, leaning against the bed. His back jolted with each sob.

Y/N rubbed between his shoulder blades. “We’re not normal Bucky. None of the Avengers are, but we’re real.” She ran her hand through his hair comfortingly. “You and me, we’re real.”

He wiped his tears, shaking his head, “She’s out looking for a dog for us to adopt.”

Y/N scrunched her nose. They were taking the next step. Before she knows it, they'll be moving in together, getting married, and have a kid on the way.

“I don’t even want a dog. I couldn’t take care of it with my lifestyle. It just seemed like the normal thing to do. Most families have dogs.”

Y/N hated the idea of Bucky considering a family with Evangelina. She knew him better though. “I always took you for a cat person.”

Bucky smiled at her. “Yeah? What about you? Are you a cat person?”

She nodded. “Less work to train. More realistic in our lifestyle.”

Bucky hummed. The idea of them sharing anything both scared and delighted Bucky. “What kind of cat would we get?”

The corner of Y/N’s lips turned upward. Playing along, she didn’t need to think about her answer, she had already thought about it before. “It doesn’t matter, but he’d have to be white so I could see him against all of your black clothes. Although, cat hairs might be a pain before missions.”

Bucky nodded, his elbow on the bed, propped his head up in his hand. His other hand held Y/N’s as his thumb rubbed circles on the back of her hand as she talked. With a raised eyebrow, Bucky asked, “He?”

Y/N nodded, offended he would suggest otherwise. “You know, so I can come home to my boys. Plus, you need more friends. You two can have a guy's night while I’m away.”

“What if I want to come home to my girls?” Bucky argued.

Y/N rolled her eyes. “We’ll let fate decide. Whichever we find first.”

He nodded, agreeing to the compromise. “Alpine.”

“Huh?”

Bucky sighed dreamily, “The name.” It was too easy talking with Y/N about adopting a cat as if they were discussing children. It hadn’t crossed Y/N’s mind yet, but Bucky was aware that he wasn’t thinking of the past. He was thinking of the future. A future with Y/N.

Y/N snorted. It wasn’t the name she would have picked but Bucky liked it. She got to pick the color; it was only fair Bucky got to pick the name. “Alpine it is.”

Three weeks later, Bucky and Y/N welcomed Alpine to their shared room at Avengers Tower. The team melted when they met the feline. Even Evangelina. Despite the breakup, Y/N and Evangelina remained friends. The women were filled with too much grace and poise, not to. A trait Bucky had admired in both of them. It should have unsettled Bucky for them to remain friends, but Bucky knew where he belonged now. He might not know who he was or who he is now, but he was certain his future was Y/N.

#bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #james buchanan barnes #bucky x you #bucky barnes fanfic #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky fic #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky #james bucky buchanan barnes #james barnes #james buchanan bucky barnes #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes one shot #bucky x reader angst #bucky angst #bucky barnes angst

[yourfavoritehouseplant]

I watched James Somerton's final video, and all I got was this 6 page document

As soon as I learned his final unreleased video was on Revolutionary Girl Utena, I knew I had to hate watch it. I didn't know that I'd spend the following 4 hours making a comprehensive doc on everything I hated about it. But here we are.

The TLDR (is this too long to be a TLDR?)

The intro section, as well as Part 2, are directly plagiarized from wikipedia. The rest is unclear.

He makes a “haha this show is so weird right guys” joke 10 different times

He reads Anthy as so emotionally stunted she literally has to be taught how to think for herself, and believes that being the rose bride makes her feel good

He says that his reading is ‘vastly different” from the rest of the community, before boldly stating that this is because he sees it as a “deeply allegorical and symbolic story”

He sees the sexual abuse as “not to be taken literally”

Insists that the show be separated into parts that are strictly literal and strictly allegorical for the entirety of parts 3 and 4, before making the contradictory move of analyzing characters as allegories during part 5

The only characters that get dedicated sections are Akio and Dios, who he doesn’t believe are the same person. 

He says Dios gets his powers by “deflowering women”

He calls Akio, known child predator, a chaotic bisexual

Uses 14 year old SA survivor Anthy’s passive personality to make a joke about her being a bottom

His final point is that Utena was the real prince all along

There are no citations

Anyway, full version for people who hate themselves under the cut. With time codes, because I cite my sources.

Part 1: Intro

This entire section is almost exclusively quoted from the Wikipedia article for Revolutionary Girl Utena. Words have been changed, but the order at which certain topics come up is not. Highlights include:

0:56 In his introduction of Be-Papas, lists the founding members in literally the exact same order as Wikipedia.

1:40-2:00 His list of Be-Papas previous works is lifted entirely from wikipedia, only with the words changed. This leads to a strange moment at 1:52 where he claims Be-papas ‘lent their talents to’ Neon Genesis Evangelion, a show which started production at least a year before Be-papas was founded. On the wikipedia article for Utena, this is instead referring to the previous work of Shinya Hasegawa and Yōji Enokido

4:23 he uses a quote by Yūichirō Oguro describing the production as a “tug of war”. He seems to have lifted this in its entirety from Wikipedia, as he does not cite the actual source it is from (the box set companion book, btw)

As for James Somerton originals, at 0:44 he claims that out of all magical girl series,”none to my knowledge have been more discussed and dissected than the 1997 series Revolutionary Girl Utena” He will go back on this at 5:05, where he states that “Sailor Moon takes the lion’s share of discussion” in regard to influential magical girl anime

Part 2: Part 1

(At least I know I’m not funny, unlike James Somerton)

Speaking of which. Here is every single time he makes a “wow this show is sooooo weird you guys” joke: 6:00, 8:50, 10:40, 10:58, 13:46, 17:07, 24:16, 30:34, 41:19, 48:01

Here’s every time the punchline to the joke is the existence of Nanami, a character who he otherwise completely disregards: 10:56, 12:05, 16:22, 42:40

6:16 Claims that the “Apocalypse saga” and “Akio Ohtori saga’ are two names for the same several episodes, depending on the release. This is untrue. Instead, different releases either only have the Apocalypse saga, or split the episodes into an Akio Ohtori saga and then the Apocalypse saga. 

7:58 Claims Utena intervening on Anthy’s behalf begins the first duel. While this happens in the movie, Touga intervenes in the scene he uses clips from (like literally right after the shot he uses in the video). Utena only gets drawn into the duels when Wakaba’s love note to Saionji is posted. Youtuber Noralities’ Utena video also gets this wrong, which makes me wonder if this was copied.

9:09 Claims Akio’s “End of the World” moniker is actually more closely translated to “Apocalypse”. In reality, the translation moves away from a more apocalyptic reading, with 世界の果て (Sekai no hate) apparently translating closer to “the furthest reach of a known world” or “edge of the world”. (Love the implications of this translation, but I digress)

9:10 As can be assumed from the previous point, this means I can’t find any sources that point to them not using the title “apocalypse” for religious reasons

10:10 Uses Anthy’s extreme passivity under her Rose bride persona to make a top/bottom joke. I’m gonna repeat this in case you’re just skimming. He uses a trait that likely stems from years of abuse, (possibly exaggerated by the persona Anthy uses to manipulate people), and uses it to call her a bottom. 

He also just doesn’t seem to understand how the whole point of Utena constantly telling Anthy that she's just a normal girl who should make more friends is framed as Utena imposing her will on Anthy, just as much as the previous Engaged have done. 

11:54 Apologies in advance for my most “um, actually!” point yet, but technically his statement that Anthy stops being host to the Sword of Dios is wrong. Akio literally pulls a sword out of her chest in the final duel. It's a more evil-looking sword of Dios, granted.

13:02 !!! CANTARELLA SCENE ALERT !!! He interprets it as them fighting over Akio?? Which like. I will allow people to have their own interpretations of vague and symbolic scenes. I will. I swear. This is not technically incorrect. It just makes me want to eat my own intestines.

14:44 Bad Anthy take #1: He states Anthy “is emotionally stunted to the point where she needs people to make decisions for her because she does not know how to think for herself” This ignores several moments of Anthy clearly making her own choices throughout the show, including the suicide attempt Somerton mentions about a minute prior. This also strips Anthy of what little agency she has throughout the story, usually exerted through messing with Utena or Nanami. (The fact that she repeatedly makes choices that contribute to her own abuse is, in my opinion, one of the most interesting parts of her character, and it's a shame that Summerton’s ‘reading’ of the story completely disregards that)

Additionally, he once again reads Utena ‘urging Anthy to think for herself” in the first arc as an unambiguously good move, and not as something critiqued in the show.

14:52 Summerton reads the Swords of hatred as symbolizing men’s hatred specifically. Again, I’m trying not to completely disregard differing interpretations to a show like Utena, but this feels very simplistic, especially considering the harm we see aimed towards Anthy by other women

16:42 Here he claims that his reading of the story seems to be “vastly different” from the bulk of Utena discourse. What is this reading? That the show shouldn’t be read literally. Or, in his words, “[we can interpret] Revolutionary Girl Utena as a deeply allegorical and symbolic story about the struggles of coming of age amidst widespread institutional corruption in a high school and which describes a passive culture of inaction in regard to brazen instances of domestic exploitation in which there is not only a question about the caporeality of the events transpiring but also which events can be taken for granted and which events are meant to signify abstract sociological institutions.” The idea that he believes this is in any way a new reading of the material honestly baffles me.

Part 3: Part 2

17:48 through 18:50 differently quotes the Wikipedia article for postmodernism. He even makes a joke at 17:55 about Wikipedia. Please kill me. 

The first three themes he lists at 19:11 are just the three main themes listed on the Revolutionary Girl Utena Wikipedia page. What was that about a “vastly different” reading, James?

You’re gonna have to take my word for it, but this section is so short because it's just him talking about the various ways the story can’t be taken literally. He does, ironically, call this a hot take.

Part 4: Part 3

Here’s where the reading falls apart folks

At 23:15, he states that some things in Utena are allegorically coded, while others are to be taken literally. This is true. However, he seems to take this to mean that some parts of the show are Strictly Literal, while others are Strictly Allegorical for things going on in the Literal World. 

This is apparently why he prefers the Anime to the Movie, where there basically is no separation between the Literal and Allegorical

This take is bizarre to me for several reasons, but here is my favorite. At several points, he mentions how Revolutionary Girl Utena is a work of Magical Realism. Magical Realism is literally defined by its blending of the “literal” and “allegorical”, the mix of fantastical elements in a mundane, realistic setting. This idea of the impossibility of a blurred line, that Utena must either have lore where the magic is all real and means nothing, or dedicated allegory segments quarantined from the rest of the story, is contrary to the very idea of Magical Realism.

I can’t help but wonder if Somerton took his mentions of Magical realism from a previous work, due to how little it is consistent with his final argument. Either way, this section suggests a great lack of creativity in his analysis, a shame for such a creative work.

24:36: Shiori slander, for those who care

After this he gets really worked up about people assuming symbolism in everything, even when the author ‘doesn’t make it clear something is symbolic’. He shuts down a reading of a shot in the Lord of the Rings. Miley Cyrus is there? Very The Curtains Were Blue of him. 

28:22 Claims that Wakaba is the key to telling where the Strictly Literal segments end and the Strictly Allegorical segments begin. He states that, under this lens, deeply personal moments of character suffering such as all of the sexual abuse and Anthy’s suicide attempt (which he literally cites) should be read as symbolic and be “approached with uncertainty rather than confusion”. (28:24-29:13)

This also somewhat falls apart when you consider Wakaba is the jeep in the movie's car chase

And then he rants about people not liking his Attack on Titan video for a bit. Since its potential symbolism also doesn't follow hard enough rules to be symbolism. Once again, the separation of “fact vs allegory” I haven’t watched AOT, so that's all I’ll say.

Part 5: Part 4

Thank god this part is short. Much like Dios’ on-screen presence.

32:55 Makes the extremely bold claim that Dios is not Akio. As in, never even became Akio. because Dios is Strictly Allegorical.

Just to be a pedant, this is pretty explicitly disproven in the show

Confusingly, both earlier and later he will address these two as the same character. 

33:04 he also explains the root of Akio’s name in a tone that suggests this is supplemental information and not like. Literally something he explains out loud in the show?

Part 6: Part 5

This section is nearly entirely about Akio Ohtori. I would like to note that him and Dios are the only characters with dedicated segments.

38:30 The part where he states that Dios gets his powers from deflowering women.

38:46 Claims, once again, that Akio’s abuse of Anthy “may not be literal”. 

38:59 “the instance of exploitation here is used because assault has deep roots as indicating that akio's gender is the source of his imbalance”  THE ASSAULT IS ABOUT AKIO NOW???

39:45 Bad Anthy take #2: “Anthy’s conformity to the Rose bride is based around the fact that she feels good being subservient because this is the only thing in her life that has ever brought her any kind of positive reward”. This is a direct quote. Anyway, I can’t think of any instances in the show where Anthy’s subservience gives her a positive reward, except maybe when she’s intentionally using it to manipulate others. As for her feeling good being the rose bride. She tries to commit suicide. Dude.

Side tangent, but isn’t this exactly what Akio says during the final 2 episodes? That Anthy enjoys being a witch? Is the main villain, who consistently says things during that very episode that are blatantly false, our source of information for this take? I guess so, since this is the dedicated Akio section.

At 40:20 he decides to introduce the concept of Anthy, Akio, and Utena as stand-ins for wider concepts, which is antithetical to his approach in analysis beforehand

Part 7: Part 6

42:40 he finally acknowledges that he’s been spending too much time talking about Akio, and literally no time on characters like Nanami

46:10 states that Utena’s exclusive motivation “is to protect Anthy from the predatorial intentions of the other dualists”, which disregards the fact, which she states herself, that she was largely participating in the duels and protecting Anthy to feel like a prince

48:04 The part where he says that Akio has ‘chaotic Bi vibes’ in regards to him sleeping with Touga, who is 17 and implied to be a long-term victim

Part 8: Part 7

54:01: His concluding point is that Utena was the real prince all along. 

In true Somerton fashion, the video then ends over a scrolling wall of patrons, with not a single citation in sight.

#the autism won again you guys #revolutionary girl utena #james somerton #shoujo kakumei utena #utena #anthy #hbomberguy

[wilwheaton]

When you watch The Curse, you are watching two children who were abused and exploited daily during production. No adults protected us.

This was originally published on my blog in August, 2022.

I had a wonderful time at Steel City Comicon this weekend. It was my first time at this particular con, so I didn’t know there was such a huge contingent of horror fans, creators, and vendors who attend.

I love horror, and I was pretty psyched to be in the same place as John Carpenter and Tom Savini, across the street from the Dawn of the Dead mall. Pittsburgh feels like one of the places horror was invented, at least to me.

A number of these horror fans came to see me, and asked me to sign posters and other things from a movie my parents forced me to do when I was 13, called The Curse. I had to tell each of these people that I would not sign anything associated with that movie, because I was abused and exploited during production. The time I spent on that film remains the most traumatizing time of my life, and though I am a 50 year-old man, just typing this now makes my hands shake with remembered fear of a 13 year-old boy who nobody protected, and the absolute fury the 50 year-old man feels toward the people who hurt him.

I told this story in Still Just A Geek, and I’ve talked about it in some podcasts I did on the promo tour, but I’ve never put it out in public like this, in its entirety.

I suspect someone at the publisher would prefer I tease this and hope it drives book sales from people who want to read all of it, but I honestly don’t want to have another weekend like this one where everything is awesome, except the few times people who have no idea (and why should they) put that fucking poster in front of me, and all the fear, abandonment, and trauma come flooding back as I tell them that I won’t sign it, and why.

To their credit, each person was as horrified as they should have been, told me they had no idea (if they didn’t read my book why would they), and quickly put the poster away. They were all understanding. I am grateful for that.

But I really don’t need to tell this story over and over again, so here it is, with a child abuse and exploitation content warning, so I can just tell people to Google it.

After Stand by Me, everything changed. The attention from entertainment journalists, casting directors, and especially teen magazines came pouring in. The movie was a generational hit, beloved by critics and audiences alike, and every single one of us could pick anything to do next.

River’s parents and his agent got him Mosquito Coast, with Harrison Ford, as his next movie. I also auditioned for the role, but I knew even then that River was going to book the job. He was perfect, and I’d have to wait a little bit for my opportunity to come along.

I went on a lot of theatrical auditions after Stand by Me. I had tons of meetings with directors and the heads of casting at every major studio. It was all a very big deal, and I felt like we were all looking for something really special and amazing as my follow-up to Stand by Me.

At some point, a couple of producers contacted my agent with an offer to play one of the leads in an adaptation of H. P. Lovecraft’s “The Colour Out of Space.” The script was titled The Farm. (It would, of course, be changed when the film was released).

I read it. I did not like it. It was a shitty horror movie, and I saw that right away. It was the sort of thing you rented on Friday when the new release you wanted was already out of the store.

My mother, already an incredibly manipulative person, used every tool at her disposal to change my mind. My father threatened me, mocked me, told me “It’s your decision” when it clearly wasn’t. It was all so weird; I didn’t understand why they cared so much.

I told my parents I didn’t like it and didn’t want to do it. I clearly recall thinking it was a piece of shit that would hurt my career.

It wasn’t the first thing that had come our way that I wanted to pass on, and every other time, it hadn’t been a very big deal.

Sidebar: I was cast in Twilight Zone: The Movie, in 1983. The film tells four stories, and I was cast as the kid who can wish people into cartoonland. It was a GREAT role, in a movie I still love. (Note that Twilight Zone had four directors. One of them got three people killed. The segment I was cast in was not that one. I mention this because too many people zero in on this to deflect from what this whole thing is actually about.)

But I was CONVINCED by my parochial school teacher that if I worked on The Twilight Zone, which she had determined was satanic, I would go to hell. (This woman and her bullshit played a big role in my conversion to atheism at a young age, but when she told me that, I was all-in on the supernatural story they taught us in religion class.) I was so scared, more scared than I’d ever been to that point in my life, I cried and wailed and begged my parents to not make me do the movie. And I never told them why, because I was afraid my dad would laugh at me for being weak and afraid. My agent tried to talk me into it, and I wouldn’t budge. It’s the only thing I deeply and truly regret passing on, and I really hate I made that choice for such a stupid reason.

Okay. Back to The Curse.

This time, when I told them how much I hated it, they wouldn’t listen to me. My mother, already an incredibly manipulative person, used every tool at her disposal to change my mind. My father threatened me, mocked me, told me “It’s your decision” when it clearly wasn’t. It was all so weird; I didn’t understand why they cared so much.

That is, until they made me take a meeting with the producers of the movie, in their giant conference room on the top floor of a tall building in Hollywood. All I remember about this place was that it was huge; the table was way too big for the five of us who spread around it, and there were floor-to-ceiling windows on three of the walls, but the room was still dark. There was a weird optical illusion in the center of the table, this thing they sold in the Sharper Image catalog, made from two reflective dishes with a hole in the top of one. You placed an object in the bottom of the bottom dish, and it made it look like that object was floating above the whole thing. They had a plastic spider in it. What a strange detail for me to remember, but it’s as clear in my memory as if I were sitting in that room right now.

One man, who I presumed was the executive producer, was European or Middle Eastern (I didn’t know the difference then, he was just Not Like People I Knew), and I was instantly afraid of him. He was intimidating, and seemed like a person who got what he wanted.

So we sat there, my father who didn’t give a shit about me, my mother who was cosplaying as someone with experience, and me, thirteen years old, awkward as fuck, and scared to death.

I don’t remember what they said to me in their pitch or anything other than how uncomfortable and anxious I was to even be in that room. I tried so hard to be grown up and mature, but I — and my parents — was way out of my depth. I’d done one big movie and that was it. We didn’t have my agent with us, who had lots of experience and would have known what questions to ask.

No, in place of my experienced agent, my mother had decided she was going to be my manager, and she tackled the responsibility with an enthusiasm that was only matched by her absolute incompetence and inability to go toe-to-toe with producers the way my agent did. She was outwitted, out-thought, and outmaneuvered at every turn.

“You don’t have a choice,” my father commanded. “You are doing this movie.”

So we sat there, my father who didn’t give a shit about me, my mother who was cosplaying as someone with experience, and me, thirteen years old, awkward as fuck, and scared to death.

At some point, this man, who is represented in my memory by big Jim Jones sunglasses under dark hair above an open collar, said, “We are offering you a hundred thousand dollars and round-trip travel for your whole family. We will cast your sister, Amy, to play your sister in the movie.”

It all made sense, now. I was only thirteen, but I knew my parents were pushing me so hard because this company was offering me — them, really — more money than I’d ever imagined I’d earn in my life, much less a single job.

I knew that the right thing to do, the smart thing to do, was to say no. There would be other opportunities, and it was stupid to cash myself out of feature films for what I thought was, in the grand scheme of things, not very much money.

It’s incredible to me that I knew all of this. It’s incredible to me that I could see all these things, plainly and clearly, and my parents couldn’t (or, more likely, chose not to).

So after this man made his offer, all the adults in the room ganged up on me, selling me HARD on this movie.

My mother said, “Don’t you want your sister to have the same opportunities you’ve had? Wouldn’t it be fun and exciting to go to Rome? Think of all the history!”

The experience was awful. It was the worst experience I have ever had on a set in my life, by every single metric. The movie is awful, and it is the embarrassment I knew it would be.

I don’t think about this very often, because it’s super upsetting to me. Right now, I’m so angry at my parents for subjecting me and my sister to this entire experience. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

In that moment, I felt bullied and trapped. All these adults were talking to me at the same time, and I just wanted it to stop. I just wanted to go home and get out of this room. I just wanted to go be a kid, so I did what I’d learned to do to survive: I gave in and did what my parents wanted.

The experience was awful. It was the worst experience I have ever had on a set in my life, by every single metric. The movie is awful, and it is the embarrassment I knew it would be.

But here’s the thing: when you watch The Curse, you are watching two children, me and my sister, who were abused on a daily basis. The production did not follow a single labor law. They worked us for twelve hours a day, on multiple film units (while I work on First unit, second unit sets up and waits for me. When I should get a break to rest, they send me to Second unit, then to Third unit, then back to First unit. I was 13.) without any breaks, five days a week. I was exhausted the entire time. I was inappropriately touched by two different adults during production. I knew it was wrong, but I was so scared and ashamed, and I felt so unsupported, I didn’t tell anyone. I knew my dad wouldn’t believe me, and my mother would blame me. Anything to keep the production happy, that’s what she did. That was more important to her than the health and safety of her children. The director was coked out of his mind most of the time, incompetent, and so busy fucking or trying to fuck one of the women in the cast, he was worse than useless. He was a fading actor who was cosplaying as a director, as in over his head as my mother. My sister and I were never safe. Instead of harmless atmospheric SFX smoke, they set hay on fire in barrels and blew actual smoke onto the set. They took buckets of talc, broken wood, bits of wallpaper and plaster, and threw it into my face during a scene inside the collapsing house. My sister is in a scene where she goes to get eggs from some chickens, and they attack her. So they hired Lucio Fulci, the Italian horror master, to direct her sequence. His idea, which everyone was totally on board with, was to throw chickens at my sister. Live chickens, live roosters, live birds. Just throw them at a nine-year-old girl. Oh, and then tie them to her arms and legs so they’ll peck her. All of this happened under my mother’s observation, and with her full participation.

Everything I need to know about who my parents are is wrapped up in that experience: the total lack of concern for my safety and happiness, treating me like an asset instead of a son, lying to me, manipulating me, and using me to get things they wanted, and then gaslighting me about it.

If just ONE of the things I can remember happened to someone I loved, I would have grabbed my kids, gone to the airport, and flown home. Fuck those abusive assholes in the production. Let the lawyers sort it all out. Nobody hurts my children and gets away with it.

My mom says she “had some talks” with the producers. She claims that, once, she wouldn’t let us leave the hotel. (God, what a fucking dump that place was. It was just slightly better than a hostel.) I have no memory of that, but honestly the entire experience was so traumatic, I’ve blocked most of it out.

The movie was the commercial and critical failure I knew it would be. My parents spent the money. I don’t know what they spent it on. I got to keep fifteen cents of every dollar, so . . . yay?

My sister and I hardly ever talk about this. I suspect it was as upsetting and traumatic for her as it was for me. I told her I was writing about it, and asked her if she remembered anything. She told me she’d been lied to her whole life about this movie. Our mother let her believe she had been cast on the strength of her audition. “I was excited to work with you,” she said. She reminded me about some stuff I’d blocked out, including a scene where my character’s older brother (played by an actor named Malcolm Danare, who was kind and gentle, and made both of us feel safer when he was around) shoves my character into a pile of cow shit. When it came time to shoot the scene, the mud they’d put together to be the cow shit looked an awful lot like cow shit. When Malcolm pushed me into it, we all found out it was real cow shit. I was FURIOUS. The director had lied to me and had allowed me to have my entire body shoved into an actual pile of actual cow shit. I don’t remember what I said, but I remember he treated me the exact same way my father did whenever I got upset: he laughed at me, told me I was being too sensitive, reminded me that he was the director and he wanted to get a “real” performance out of me, and concluded, “If it bothers you so much, we’ll get you a hepatitis shot,” before he walked away.

My sister also recalled that, after she survived the scene with the chickens, it was the producers’ idea to give her one as a pet.

Okay, let’s unpack that for a quick second: you’ve been traumatized by these birds, so we’re going to give you one as a pet. That you’ll somehow keep in your hotel, and then will somehow get back to America. It will shock you to learn that neither of those things happened.

She remembered, as I do, the huge fight I had with my parents in our kitchen, where I told them I hated the script and I hated the movie. I didn’t want to do it, and I hated that they were making me do it.

“You don’t have a choice,” my father commanded. “You are doing this movie.”

“This is the only film you are being offered,” my mother lied to me. She made me feel like, if I didn’t do this movie, I would never do another movie again in my life. I had to do this movie. As my father bellowed, I had no choice.

Both of my parents denied this argument ever happened. Can I tell you how reassuring it is to know that my sister, who was also there, remembers it the same way I do?

The makeup department decided they would literally cut my little sister’s face with a scalpel, in three places, and put bandages over them.

But one thing she told me, the thing I did not know, the thing that makes me so angry I want to break things, actually managed to make the entire experience even worse than I remembered it.

There’s a scene after her chicken incident where I check up on her in her bedroom. She’s got cuts and bruises, and I guess we talk about it. I don’t remember and I can’t watch the movie because I’m terrified it will give me a PTSD flashback (I’ve had one of those and I recommend avoiding it). Here’s the thing about that scene: she has some cuts on her face, and those cuts are real. They are not makeup.

I’m going to repeat that. My nine-year-old little sister had actual cuts on her face that were placed there by an adult, on purpose.

The makeup department decided they would literally cut my little sister’s face with a scalpel, in three places, and put bandages over them. My sister told me our mother wasn’t in the makeup room when this happened — honestly, it seemed like our mother was strangely and conveniently absent when most of the really terrible things happened to us on the set — and when my sister told her what they’d done, she “lost her shit” at the production. She was pissed, I guess, which is appropriate and surprising. I wonder what would have to have happened for her to put us on a plane and get us home to safety? I mean, her son being abused daily didn’t do it, and her daughter being CUT IN THE FACE ON PURPOSE didn’t do it.

I just . . . I can’t. I can’t understand or comprehend allowing your own children to be physically and emotionally abused. They were literally selling my sister and me to these people, like we were some kind of commodity.

This was a tough conversation. My sister’s experience with our parents is very different from mine. My sister and I love each other. We’re close. I know it’s hard for her to hear that her brother, who she loves, was so abused by her parents, who she also loves. I was really grateful she made the time to talk to me about it, and grateful the experience wasn’t as horrible for her as it was for me.

As we were finishing our call, Amy also remembered one man, a young Italian named Luka, who was our driver for the movie. I haven’t thought about him in thirty years, but I can see his face now. He was kind, he was friendly, he taught us how to kick a soccer ball, and in the middle of an abusive, torturous experience, he stood out as a kind and gentle man. I mention him because she remembered him, which made me remember him, and goddammit I want at least one small part of this thing to not be awful.

The Curse remains one of the most consequential times the adults in my life failed to protect me. I’m 50. I still have nightmares.

Ultimately, as I predicted and feared, this piece of shit movie cashed me out of respectable films forever. I got offers for movies, but they were always mindless comedies or exploitative horror films. They were never the serious dramas I wanted to work in after Stand by Me. The industry looked at me and River, wondering if one or both of us would become a breakout star. They quickly saw that River was doing real acting work, and I was in this piece of shit. For River, Stand by Me was a beginning. For me, it would turn out to be pretty much everything, at least as far as film goes.

There are thousands of reasons film careers do and don’t take off. Maybe mine wouldn’t have taken off anyway. Clearly, it’s not where my life ended up, and I’m super okay with that now. But when all of this happened, it hurt and haunted me.

The Curse remains one of the most consequential times the adults in my life failed to protect me. I’m 50. I still have nightmares. Everything I need to know about who my parents are is wrapped up in that experience: the total lack of concern for my safety and happiness, treating me like an asset instead of a son, lying to me, manipulating me, and using me to get things they wanted, and then gaslighting me about it.

This annotation is the last thing I wrote before I turned this manuscript in, because opening these wounds is hard and painful. I put it off as long as I could, and I feel like I’m still holding back, because just this small glimpse of the experience has taken me a week to write. I can’t imagine trying to go back and unpack the whole thing. (Note that is not in the book: I’ve made an EMDR appointment to work on this because the nightmares have come back after the weekend).

Fuck The Curse, and fuck every single person who exploited and hurt two beautiful children to make it. You all participated in child abuse, and you all knew better. Shame on all of you. I hope this follows you to the end of your life. I hope that living with what you did to innocent children has been as hard for you as it has been for me, because you deserve no less.

#tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw exploitation #child actor #still just a geek #lucio fulci #trauma survivor #speaking up for the child who was silenced by his abusers

[galedekarios]

gale & curing the orb - early access

writing my current series of cut content from early access made me think a lot, especially about how curing gale of the orb might have originally worked out if larian had kept to what had been set up in early access. it's no secret that a lot of things were changed or cut entirely, big and small, like for instance halsin's involvement with ketheric's fall, isobel and the shadow curse.

gale's condition, too, seemed different then.

what exactly was different in early access?

while only a few body models were unique in early access, gale's key art showed his left arm in bandages.

in early access, auntie ethel had vicious mockery lines, which hinted what might be beneath those bandages:

Auntie Ethel: I can smell what's under those bandages, wizard. You're all rot and ruin. Come to greet death early? You'll be a lovely spectacle.

we also had information from gale directly as to what happened to karsus in the aftermath of casting his spell:

Player: I was wondering about that “mighty lord” you told me about in your story. Gale: Ah, yes. Karsus Karsus was perhaps the most powerful wizard that ever lived. The child-who-would-be-a-god, the elves called him. And he tried. With a spell of his own devising he endeavoured to usurp in one fell swoop the power of the goddess of magic.  Mystryl, she was called then. Imagine what it must have felt like. To be a god. To know yourself to be untouchable. To be mistaken. As Karsus aimed his spell at her she began to unravel, and with her, the entire Weave. Too late did he realize what he had unleashed. It would have been the end of everything had not Mystryl sacrificed herself.  Gale: The goddess of magic is all magic. By dying, the entire weave was lost, and the spell that challenged a god failed. It was the end of Mystryl, the end of Karsus, and the end of an entire civilization. As the child-who-would-be-a-god was turned to stone, his empire came crashing down around him. The floating cities of Netheril were no more. An event that came to be known as Karsus’ folly.

which is in accordance with the lore:

Unfortunately, his choice was a terrible mistake, for one of the responsibilities of the deity of magic was to regulate the flow of magic to and from all beings, spells, and magic items in the world. Lacking the ability to do so properly, magic surged and fluctuated. With her last remaining bit of power, Mystryl sacrificed herself to block Karsus's access to the Weave, causing all magic to fail. The flying cities of Netheril plummeted to the earth. The severing of the link also killed Karsus and transformed him into stone, and the last thing he saw was his entire civilization being destroyed because of his actions. This was to be known as Karsus's Folly. The stone form of Karsus eventually landed in a part of the High Forest, now called the Dire Wood. The city of Karse was built around its base. Karsus was never accepted as a petitioner by any god, nor did he go to the Fugue Plane when he died. Instead, his soul was bound to the Material Plane. Those with experience in pact magic could call up his vestige, where he appeared as a giant blood-red boulder, like the one found in the High Forest where his petrified form landed. Blood burbles up from the top of the stone, trickling down the side facing the summoner, pooling at the base. When he spoke, the pool fountained upwards, its height varying on the volume of his voice.

the netherese orb then seemed to have a immediate visible physical effect on gale, in addition to the ones that carried to the full release version of the game.

so putting these clues together, i think it's safe to say that the orb caused gale in early access to be afflicted with some form of corrupted petrification, which makes sense given that it's a piece of magic unleashed during karsus's folly.

at that point, this corruption seemed to be affecting his left arm the most, perhaps either from opening the book containing the netherese magic with it, or trying to shield himself with it - but that's just speculation on my part.

so what did the early access set up in terms of curing gale from his affliction?

gale in early access showed a great interest in the astral plane, especially in the absence of time there. he has several banters with lae'zel, which are still in the game now and showing his vested interest in the astral plane as well as any knowledge or insight lae'zel might offer on it:

Gale asks Lae'zel about the Astral Plane. Has she been there? Gale: Tell me, Lae'zel, what is it like on the Astral Plane? Your home realm intrigues me. Lae'zel: Githyanki lay their eggs on other planes. They cannot mature in the Astral. Lae'zel: I will only be welcomed once I obtain a mind flayer's head.

lae'zel notices gale's interest and initiates a banter of her own:

Lae'zel asks Gale what his interest is in the Astral plane, and he equivocates Lae'zel: Tell me, Gale: what is your interest in the Astral Plane? Gale: Time. Or rather: the absence of it. In the Astral Plane, everything is eternal. Lae'zel: It will be my home soon enough, should Vlaakith will it.

in addition to these banters, which clearly show gale's interest in the astral plane - which now in the full release seems merely academic - hinted at another solution to ridding himself of the orb.

what points to that quite conclusively is gale's dialogue when he reveals the truth about the orb to the protagonist.

this reveal differs quite significantly from the full release version. most notably, the protagonist was able to ask him about his own ideas for a what might be able to cure him from the orb.

gale had something very interesting to say to that question:

Player: What would permanently rid you of the orb? Gale: The orb was kept safe and inert in a pocket of Astral Plane, suspended in time. If I can somehow manage to expel it from my body while in the Astral Plane, it will be rendered inert again. Alternatively, I could learn to control it’s chaotic magic, that is; to succeed where I failed before. But without Mystra’s favour, I don’t see how that may come to pass. Of course there could be different answers as well. Faerun brims with more magic than any one wizard could fathom, let alone comprehend. Who knows what outlandish solutions may yet present themselves?

so what does this all mean?

in conclusion, i believe originally there were either more ways to cure gale from the orb - or maybe even in a different manner entirely - than there are in the full release version of the game (begging mystra to remove it, ascension, or accepting/keeping the orb).

perhaps even one that would circumvent having to beg mystra for forgiveness entirely, without gale having to sacrifice his mortality to do so.

i think these banters and lines of dialogue show that the astral plane, which would have rendered the orb inert and stopped the corrupted petrification of his body, would have played a bigger role in gale's quest.

#gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #karsus #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 meta #bg3 early access #ch: gale dekarios #vg: baldur's gate 3 #series: baldur's gate #meta: mybg3

[prying-pandora666]

Who is Izumi’s Mom? Copium Edition

So we all know that Bryke have refused to confirm who Izumi’s mother is. Even when they released family trees, the conspicuously left Izumi’s mom blank.

So incredibly frustrating!

So since Bryke insists on baiting us and not giving us closure, here’s a dose of copium for all shippers.

First off! Izumi’s name means “spring fountain”. Remember that.

Secondly, she looks like this:

REASONS WHY YOUR SHIP OF CHOICE COULD STILL MAKE SENSE!

Mai - She looks the most like Izumi. She canonically dated Zuko (until they broke up AGAIN). The former comics’ writer believes they will make up. She and Zuko have a history surrounding fountains. Even with all the drama, she remains the most likely candidate.

Katara - It should be self explanatory why a child named “fountain”, as in water, may be a reference to the one water bender Zuko dueled with most. The two of them clearly developed a connection by the end of the show, and Katara once even offered to heal Zuko’s scar. This one is all but debunked due to Kataang being canon, but it’s still nice to dream! And no one can deny they look great together.

Jin - Zuko and Jin shared lovely chemistry on their one date. Zuko was even willing to risk getting outed as a firebender in the Earth Kingdom and imprisoned, just to make her smile. This scene is also significant because it involved a fountain. Considering the bulk of Zuko’s redemption happened in the EK and the plot continued into the comics dealing with the blended FN/EK colonies, I can see why this would be a good thematic choice.

Toph - A rarer pair but one that one storyboard artist snuck in a reference for! Toph and Zuko have a lot in common. They both come from families of status that abused them for their failure to conform. Toph was born blind while Zuko has a disfiguring facial scar that realistically should affect both his vision and his hearing to an extent. Toph also has a friendship with uncle Iroh and was the first member of the Gaang to successfully understand and comfort Zuko as well as she did. Some point out that Zuko’s daughter Izumi has vision problems (like Toph) while Toph’s daughter Lin has a facial scar (like Zuko). The name Kanto, the alleged father of Lin, can also be written with the characters for “crown capital” so some speculate it’s an alias for Zuko. Spring fountain could be a reference both to the Earth element’s season of spring as well as to a volcano, which is like a fountain combining fire and earth. This scene is the most telling, with two doves representing Zuko and Toph. When Zuko walks away from Toph, the two doves kiss, signifying that perhaps a romance between them is destined for the future. Luckily, Toph knows how to listen and wait. Everything that applies to Jin about making peace with the EK applies even more to Toph since she’s actually from a noble house.

Suki - A bit of a wild card since she’s dating Sokka! But the comics showed Zuko and Suki getting much closer. When no one else was on Zuko’s side during the conflict in the colonies, and even Mai dumped him over his desperate visits to Ozai, Suki stayed by Zuko’s side. She never lost faith in him and tried her best to be there for him. The two have clearly developed a close friendship and bond of trust. Some even see it as romantic, which spells bad news for our boy Sokka. However, seeing as the book Legacy implies Sokka and Suki broke up, perhaps Zuki shippers have more evidence to stand on than originally thought! Everything that applies to Jin about making peace with the EK would also apply, since Suki is also from the EK. Perhaps she could fan the flames of his passion?

Sokka - Okay we all know it’s not going to happen but they’re really cute and I get it. The fountain claim applies to Sokka same as it does Katara! Hey there’s always a chance! Korrasami proved that!

Ty Lee - Not a lot to go off here but it’s undeniable that the two have a weird, unspoken tension. Why is Zuko quietly beefing with his sister’s bff? It’s never explained. Something is definitely going on there! We just don’t know what it is. In the comics, Zuko does lament not playing with Ty Lee and the other girls more as a kid.

Azula - I mean… okay I get it. The features that Izumi has in common with Mai, she also has in common with Zuko. So it’s not impossible to see why some would think she looks like Azula too. But can we please not make ATLA into Game of Thrones? This certainly isn’t helping:

Jet - He’s dead now so it’s not possible. But did Jet actually have a thing for Zuko? You know… it was really unclear.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #avatar #Zuko #maiko #zutara #toko #zutoph #Jinko #zukka #Zuki #ty zuko #Jetko

[ystrike1]

For a Fairytale Ending - By Joowinter (7/10)

I can only recommend this one for otome isekai fans. It won't appeal to anyone else. Its a very slow wish fulfillment fantasy with a "simpleminded" protagonist and enough cliches to fill a book. It's cute, and horrible, and the best characters are the villains. If you like the creepy/cute vibe it's passable.

Alice Estevan is a reincarnated....nope! She has The Eyes of Wisdom! She remembers her previous lives, and she can kinda see the future. The problem is her ability is too overpowered, and it takes a massive toll on her health. Alice Estevan thinks she's a twentysomething BL fan trapped inside a novel, but her brain just isn't big enough to handle her godly blessing.

She's secretly an Imperial Princess.

Her mother is a nut tho. Karina is a former maid who managed to marry a Duke after his wife cheated on him. Alice Estevan isn't even his daughter. Karina just brought her in from a "previous relationship".

Karina is absolutely evil and a child abuser to boot. The Duke married her after his wife's betrayal because he is a thousand times worse. They are a fitting "couple" who think of power and nothing else.

Alice Estevan has to navigate around completely crazy adults to survive.

Her doctor, Evan, is her solace. Evan eventually introduces her to his younger brother, Micheal. Both brothers have divine powers, and they help Alice Estevan heal. Without them she would have become a very bitter and illness ridden child.

Edwin actually is the Duke's son. The previous Duchess did not cheat. He was born with black hair because Karina used expensive dark magic power to change his appearance. The Duchess also died during childbirth, because Karina was her handmaiden at the time. She was being fed multiple poisons during her pregnancy.

Edwin is locked away in a tower, and Karina abuses him with a whip.

Why is he there?

Why would the cruel Duke keep some unknown bastard from his dead wife?? Plus some unknown bastard from his second wife???

Karina thinks she's smart, and a true villainess. However, she's just a pawn.

Karina tries to poison Alice, her own daughter, because she's a sick freak.

Micheal gets hurt instead, so Alice decides to expose the black hair trick.

Karina is banished.

Edwin is released from his prison tower thanks to Alice, who he is now obsessed with.

The thing is...Alice isn't a genius.

How did this work out so well?

Is Alice really heading towards a happy ending, or is it all a trap?

First things first we should establish that Edwin isn't a nice guy. He tries to kill Michael multiple times....by rotting him from the inside out with dark magic. Micheal doesn't notice though. Michael has alot of Divine Power. In another future Edwin and Michael would have been toxic lovers, but now of course Edwin loves his bastard non-blood sister.

There's a time skip and reality starts to crack for Alice Garnet, who retook her maiden name after her mother was banished. She starts to see multiple "plots". She's supposed to be in a BL book, but nothing of the sort has happened. Reality feels organically real now that she's an adult. She starts seeing glimpses of the future that have nothing to do with the "plot" she thought she knew.

She experiences terrifying visions about Edwin, her closest friend. He's no longer crazy in love with Micheal. He never was, and he's so gentle on the surface. She doesn't understand why she keeps seeing the castle covered in blood.

Edwin is barely holding it together.

He's pretending to be sane so Alice will play with him.

The Duke reveals himself. He is a formidable enemy. Karina was tasked with watching over her because....you guessed it! Alice is secretly the Emperors daughter! What a shocking twist! She's a princess how original! Every member of the Imperial Family has special holy powers....that can kill them or drive them insane. The Duke has been raising Alice as a breeding horse, so he can take over the country. It's already in motion. He's currently controlling the Emperor with magic drugs.

Edwin won't move to kill his father as long as Alice is happily playing with him, but what will happen when she finds out the truth?

Her entire life has been a lie, and her powers are too much for her body. The Eyes of Wisdom made her extremely ill. She thought she was inside a book because she saw many visions while she slept. Her body is weak and frail. She's only happy because she has a few trusted friends. She doesn't even really want to be a Princess, but is she willing to use Edwin to get more freedom?

Not really.

She doesn't want to take advantage of her friends.

#yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere boy #recommendations #recs #rec #recommended #webtoon #otome #otome isekai #isekai

[olomaya]

Toddler Bed : Now CASTable!

Thanks so much to @id-element0 for making the bed CAStable! You can download it here. Please note it will overwrite the one you have downloaded in the game (but you'd probably want to anyway).

I am working on an update to the bed that will allow Teens+ to tell bedtime stories to toddlers. Also to fix the "twitch" toddlers get after jumping off and some clipping, so stay tuned.

Older updates:

The updated version includes the proper animations that were meant for release and the following small fixes:

Tuck In interaction should now only show up when a toddler is actually sleeping (will not show up during naps)

Fun motive delta for jumping on the bed should be working now

I added a small energy drain for jumping as well (you can reduce further or remove entirely in the ITUN file)

Tuck In now only available for Sims that have a good relationship (30+ LTR) with the toddler (no randos tucking in your child)

@bh506 already let me know of one issue so if anyone is having similar issues after redownloading, please let me know!

Description:

This is a toddler bed, similar to Arsil's Napping Mat which was a big inspiration and great reference for me, especially the genius idea of using a geostate instead of dealing with pesky bed animations.

If you have the napping mat (you don't need it for this bed), you already know the deal. Toddlers can autonomously sleep or nap in the bed (they will climb in and out of it themselves with no adult help).

Toddlers can also jump on the bed for fun but they shouldn't because it's dangerous! They can fall while getting off and hurt themselves. If a teen or adult is around, they will stop automatically.

If a toddler is in a bad mood and is sleeping, they may have a bad dream and wake up and won't be able to go back to sleep for a couple of hours. (I forgot to mention that they won't get a bad dream if they have the Cuddle Time moodlet which you get from sleeping with a stuffed animal.) They can find an adult they trust and complain and be consoled which will get rid of the negative moodlet and allow them to fall back asleep. They can also do this if they get injured from jumping on the bed.

Credits/thanks: Arsil for inspiration and script references. The bed mesh is from TS4 but the blanket is from @aroundthesims. Old bed jumping animations from TheSweetSimmer have been removed but still going to include her!

Thanks to @nobodysgirl333, there's an alternative SFS link if you're having trouble with Box downloads.

Download HERE / SFS (CASTable version HERE)

______________

Please read additional info and details after the cut

Additional Notes:

You can copy the script to apply to other beds but of course depending on the size/height/position of the mesh, the animations may look weird. Update: You need to make sure that bed object has a 2 routing slots, however, named Slot.RoutingSlot_0 and Slot.RoutingSlot_1, otherwise the Sim will reset.

I set the energy motive to be low because toddlers IRL sleep a long time but you can go into the ITUN and adjust if you want.

Some of the animations are little wonky because I'm using a mix of TS4, TS3 and a period of about 10 months in terms of my confidence/skill level with Blender.

This is originally based off a crib mesh so the entry slot is only on one side (see pic below). You can put the left side against a wall but note toddlers won't be able to jump on the bed and other Sims won't be able to tuck them in since that is where they route to do so.

@pis3update @katsujiiccfinds @kpccfinds @xto3conversionsfinds

#download #s3cc #s3cc download #toddlerbed

[jimmy-j-james]

REPLACEMENT

- M!reader x TF!141 (more so reader x Soap, platonic style)

- Proofread: Nope (Will be soon)

- Genre: Angst/Comfort (Originally wasn’t gonna be comfort, I was in an angsty mood and it shows)

- Synopsis: M!reader had to come to terms with the fact that new was better than old. Being tossed aside like an older dog when a family gets a puppy. Kicked to the curb and left alone. Of course, a certain ‘puppy’ just wanted the other’s attention and respect..

- Pt. 2

════════════════

It wasn’t uncommon for people to turn back to their roots. Of course not. But.. for a whole group to regress to the mindset of a child? “Out of sight, out of mind.”, that’s what they say, right?

How stupid did he have to be to not notice? He noticed the first day it started. Soap was happily welcomed to the team, treated with such care and love despite his recent joining. And, much to his disliking, he was left alone.

No one was checking in on him anymore, instead all attention went to the new guy. ‘He wasn’t special’, he’d bitterly think, ‘I was alone too’. Not that anyone cared though, of course not, he was perfectly able to handle himself after all. Instead, they paid mind to their new young and foolish sergeant.

It didn’t end there either. His daily encounters with Ghost were stolen, being replaced with Soap. Training with Gaz? Soap was there instead of him. Smoking with Price? He was there too.

It never ended. And the breaking point, as foolish as it was, was the moment he headed to the mess hall for lunch. The teams regular booth was filled, only his spot taken by the rookie.

He knew it was childish. He could have easily dragged a seat over, but it seemed that no one noticed his lack of appearance anyways. He took it as a word from above. He was better off alone.

He didn’t need them anyways. He was perfectly fine with this new routine. Perfectly capable of fending for himself.

He started avoiding them. Removing himself from their lives as if he’d never been there. His schedules shifted, eating within his room, and locking himself away. He trained late at night to avoid others, slept during his moments of free time.

His new habits proved awful for his mind and body, but they worked. Seemingly so, no one even noticed he was gone. They lived their lives with the new guy. Replaced and forgot him with so much ease it hurt.

It felt suffocating. Knowing the people he thought of as family, felt nothing of similarity. It had him wondering so many things. Thoughts he wouldn’t wish upon his greatest enemies.

It never ended. And irregular habits went to unhealthy in a matter of days. He stopped eating as much. Barely slept. Trained until failure in all aspects.

He took everything out on himself. A shell of a man that used to be. It got to the point that he was without care. Life didn’t seem to matter in the case of ‘life or death’.

In his eyes, death had never seemed so welcoming. Like the arms of a loving parent. Coaxing the words of admiration in a tempting manner.

In a blind sighted manner, he craved the release his demise promised. The satisfaction of feeling wanted, no matter what called upon him.

Perhaps, this is the fate he was meant for? He proved his worth, and was denied any sense of reward. But maybe, maybe death was rewarding enough.

Awaiting his chance of freedom, he lied on his bedroom floor. His phone lied idly, playing music he chose to ignore over his own taunting beliefs.

“Sergeant (l/n)?” That voice, one he’s grown to mindlessly hate, calls through the door. It’s followed by a hesitant knock. “Team’s goin’ out drinkin’, thought ya would wanna come..”

It’s clear by his tone that he’s hesitant, or at most anxious. Likely forced down here by the pity of the other’s.

Perhaps if he remained silent the Scotsman would leave him alone. Lowering the volume of his phone and keeping quiet.

“I.. I know yer in there, if it’s worth anythin’ to ya..” The moment is awkward, but he refuses to give up his moments of peace for a pity party. “Ya don’t have to.. just thought it might be awfully lonely in there.”

“Rather not.” He doesn’t even remember allowing himself to speak, body against mind as he shuffles up to sit.

“Oh..” Another awkward minute of silence. “Is it ‘cause o’ me? I didn’t mean to upset you, however I did so..”

“Don’t you have a ‘party’ to get to?” His tone is bitter in reply, though his truth is sorrowful.

“Ay… can I,” He pauses to hesitate “can I come in?”

The man pauses his self pitying, turning to face the door behind himself. He’s sure the boy would have left by now, though he’s proven determined.

Soap feels awkward, shifting weight between legs as he stands on the other side. The door opens, slowly, but surely, revealing the mess of a man before him.

It’s hard to hide his grimace, scanning over his mutual sergeant with concern. He’s thinner, and paler, with heavy bags beneath his eyes. No expression is shown on his face. A hollow show of what used to be.

“You…” Soap cuts himself before he can speak, though it’s clear the other understood.

A frown tugs lightly at his lips, biting against the skin of his cheek as he avoids the Scots eyes. “Yeah.. whatever…”

“Do.. do ya want to watch a movie?” The request is simple, but proves to be shocking as the other snaps his eyes to Soap’s.

“Aren’t you meant to be drinking tonight?” He muses, expecting the sergeant to remember and run along.

Instead, Soap pushes his way into the room and breathily chuckles. “They ‘on’t need me.” He replies, taking a seat on the messy bed.

There’s a smile on his face as he watches Soap, whether he knows it or not, he’s happy. For once more in his life, he feels wanted. Soap chose his presence over the team’s.

“Can.. can we watch Ratatouille? It’s dumb.. but I always watch it when ‘m upset..” He’d mutter, shutting the door before dropping himself down on the bed.

Soap’s smile grows soft, something he’d yet to seen in the boisterous Scot. “O’ course we can. I’ll get us some snacks, fancy anything specific?”

“Anything works..” He mumbles softly, rubbing against tired eyes as he sets up the movie on his laptop. Soap nods, leaving for the commons room before returning.

Within his arms he carried varieties between chips, candies, and beverages. A goofy smile on his face as he sits himself back beside the other.

With the movie started, and a share of snacks between them, he grows rather exhausted. His eyelids droop and his attention shifts blank. Without thought his head drops against Soap’s shoulder.

The Scot welcomes the other, smiling softly as he shifts them both to lie more comfortably. He was glad. Glad to see that his newly favourited comrade was growing relaxed in his presence.

Like a new puppy and an older dog. Soap worked to grow close to the man he looked up to, and the other worked to better accept the Scot’s company. But, despite their differences, they grew to form a pack, in a sense.

════════════════

© Copyright @jimmy-j-james, 2023

All rights reserved

do not copy/paste, claim as your own, post on different sites, or translate without prior consent from me

#cod x male reader #john mactavish #soap x male reader #john mactavish x male reader #soap mw2

[buckybarnesb-tch]

Hybrids Mafia Princess Pt1

Mafia!Bucky’s Daughter x Klaus M.

(This will be a several chapter story and for anyone who read the original Thought I posted on it, I’ve decided to change it up a bit. The event will be the first time Klaus and Y/n meet in Klaus’ Human form)

Warning: Mentions of Traumatic Birth Resulting in a Hysterectomy, Father Abandonment, Near Death Experience

“Tag-List”: @ranisingsnew @ronswhoree @susannahmikaelson @skulliecadaver-blog

Part 2

Bucky had been an amazing father throughout Y/n’s entire childhood.

She loved her Daddy more than anyone in the world and was most assuredly a Daddy’s Girl!

James Barnes had married his girl a few months after finding out she was carrying his child and he never regretted it for a moment. Honestly, he had been trying to get her pregnant since they had met. Unfortunately there had been complications during the pregnancy and their child was born at only 28 weeks, resulting in an emergency hysterectomy and one perfect (albeit early) baby girl. Bucky had been there every single day, even after his wife had been released from the hospital, visiting his Babygirl for hours every day, (regardless of any work he needed to get done) until the Doctors decided she was well enough to go home. Bucky knew, even though they could never have any more children, that Y/F/n was perfect and he would never need anything more.

He had put off his work for nearly an entire month while caring for her. His wife was healing from a traumatic birth and he refused to let anyone but the two of them hold his child. It wasn’t until some idiot made a threat against his family the he snapped back into his normal routine (after killing the idiot of course) and finally let Steve hold his daughter for the first time. Bucky knew that if anyone was going to protect his daughter with the same ferocity he would, that it would be Steve, she was his Godchild after all and he loved Bucky’s girl like his own niece.

The Mob Boss began spending shorter days working and more time with his wife and baby, wanting to be a better father than the one he had, and he was. He was the best father Y/n could have asked for…until she turned 12.

As she grew up her father spent less and less time with her and while she originally assumed it was him just being weird about her growing up, it wasn’t something he got over and it only got worse. He no longer took her to his events, no longer went on shopping trips with her or had their monthly “Daddy/Daughter Day” that had been a tradition since she was 4 years old. Not even his wife could convince him to get over whatever his problem was, knowing he didn’t know what to do with a teenage girl and that he was terrified of messing something up and hurting her and so he just pulled away completely.

Y/n missed her father more than anything and didn’t stop taking it personally until she was 16 years old and he missed her sweet 16 for work, something he had never done before. It was that day that she realized whatever his problem was, it was exactly that. His problem. She was done making excuses for him and that night she gave up on him as he had clearly done on her.

Y/n’s mother seemed to be the only one to realize that whether it took a day, a year or a decade, this would not end well for them in the end but once Bucky made his mind up there was no changing it. A trait, unfortunately, that he passed onto his daughter.

Y/n had opted not to go to college, spending her time writing books that one of her fathers publishing companies was happy to print and that (under an alias) sold very well. She knew that she wanted to leave, to get away from the big empty house where she felt unloved and unneeded, but where could she go that her father wouldn’t find her? Who could she trust that he couldn’t bribe? This was her life, whether she liked it or not, as even if her father ignored her, he would still never let her go. She knew that people would still see her as a target to get to him through, though she thought it pointless, and so he would never let her leave no matter how badly she wanted her own life.

Little did she know she was about to meet someone who would change the course of her life completely.

The true love she wrote about in her books, the fictional idea of soulmates and 2 people belonging together isn’t so fictional after all.

Klaus had spent the last thousand years with one goal in mind.

Breaking his curse.

And here he was, 1000 years after being cursed by his mother, finally free.

He had planned to change other wolves. Planned to start searching for them and building up his army so strong that no one would ever threaten him again, especially not Mikael, but that seemed to be the farthest thing from his mind right now.

He had broken the curse and daggered his brother, getting himself out of the town of horrible memories that was Mystic Falls. He was driving towards the Rocky Mountains where he knew several packs of werewolves resided but after putting up with the building pressure in his head for several hours that seemed to just get stronger and stronger he couldn’t ignore the wolf howling anymore.

He needed to run.

He was somewhere in New York, not far outside the city but far enough that the skyscrapers were gone and replaced with wonderful forests and landscapes. Parking his truck, he walked his way into the trees and laid his clothes on a log, pushing through his shift as quickly as he could and settling into his new body.

In this form he could still think clearly, but his wolf was much more at the forefront of his mind, controlling most of his actions and finally getting to enjoy himself after a millennium of being painfully repressed. And so he ran. He ran through the trees, watching other animals scatter away from his presence and it wasn’t long before he realized that his wolf was looking for something…sniffing for something. However just as he attempted to gain control and go back to the car he caught a wonderful scent. It was amazing, consisting of lavender and the smell of the sky after a heavy thunderstorm…it was the most perfect thing he had ever smelled and as his paws hit the ground hard he began to slow, rounding a line of trees and stopping short as his eyes took in the sight of a girl sat on an old dock.

Klaus could see the girls profile from where he now sat and she was gorgeous. Long, soft Y/H/c hair and big, round Y/E/c eyes that he wanted to be looking at him right now as well as a cute nose and full pink lips that his wolf seemed to only imagine wrapped around his-

His line of thought were cut off by a cracking sound from the old wood and he jumped to his feet just as the girl screamed, disappearing under the dark water. He took several steps forward, waiting to see her come back up but after 3 never ending seconds he was moving once again, faster than he ever had before. He couldn’t identify why he cared at all, only last night he was slaughtering everyone in his path after breaking his curse but now the mere thought of this girl being gone felt like someone drilling a hole into his heart.

As he got to the end of the long dock he leapt into the water, barely registering the freezing cold temperature as he swam down, seeing her flailing and instantly realizing she couldn’t swim. He grabbed the collar of her shirt with his teeth and dragged her up to the surface, pulling her up the muddy bank to the grass and watching closely as she choked up a lot of water, breathing heavily for several minutes on the ground before he nuzzled his nose against her cheek and she gasped, jumping back and nearly choking all over again.

Klaus once again felt like he wasn’t in control of his body which hated but as he laid down in front of her he whined softly, peeking up and watching as she hesitantly held out her hand and rested it on his wet head. He felt his heart stutter as she smiled down at him, continuing to scratch behind his ears with both hands now. ‘You saved my life…thank you. Good boy.’ She praised and while Klaus wanted to scoff, instead he felt his tail wagging behind him causing him to turn his head to see the offending limb and growl at it. ‘You’re a silly boy, aren’t you?’ She laughed, but as she did he noticed how her body had begun to shake from the cold. He stood, moving closer and leaning against her with his warm body making her smile. ‘Come on, let’s go get dried off, huh?’ She stood up carefully and moved to walk back passed the dock, turning to see he hadn’t budged. ‘Come on then! I’ll get you some food?’ With that promise he jumped up, trotting after her, shaking his body off as a wet dog normally would.

The walk wasn’t long before Klaus saw a cabin-like mansion in the woods making him wonder who this girl was that she lived like this, though it didn’t much matter since she was his now either way.

That thought gave him pause as it had come so casually, so normal for his brain to think but it felt right, not just to his wolf mind but to him all around, this girl is his now. He had saved her and she belongs to him.

‘Come in…shh, let’s go.’ She shushed him and he followed her through the sliding door, trying his best to keep his claws on the hard wood floor quiet as he walked through the kitchen with her and up what he assumed was a back staircase. He followed her down the upstairs hall and into a bedroom before she shut and locked the door. ‘Okay…you have to promise not to bite me, okay?’ He tilted his head before sitting down on the floor. ‘No! No, don’t sit, come on! Bathroom!’ She quickly led him to the bathroom and shut the door, turning on the shower. It was a large bathroom and he decided to do as she asked, walking into the glass shower with her as he truly recognized that he was covered in mud. The shower head turned on and rained down from the ceiling and he somehow felt even more like a wet dog as he sat down, grumbling before turning his head and feeling his eyes widen when he realized that his girl had completely stripped naked. She grabbed some shampoo and knelt down beside him, scrubbing the mud away as much as she could and he whined, nuzzling his face between her breasts as she did making her giggle and turn his face away. ‘Bad dog.’ She scolded with a smile on her face.

He allowed her to scrub him with the shampoo before sitting against the wall and watching as she washed her own hair, enjoying the sight he was being gifted from the Gods right now.

The shower was over quickly and she held Klaus down, rubbing him over with a towel before using another one for herself and pulling on some fuzzy pajamas.

‘Okay, are you hungry? You want some food buddy, huh?’ He barked and she laughed, opening the door and walking back down the stairs to the kitchen where a man stood eating ice cream. ‘Hey Steve.’ She greeted and as the man went to greet her back he jumped, staring at Klaus in shock.

‘Y/n! What the Fuck is that thing?!’ He snapped.

Huh…Y/n. At least now he knows his girls name.

‘It’s called a wolf Steve…are you losing it?’ She teased, turning on the stove and pouring some oil into a pan.

‘Where did you get it?!’ She shrugged.

‘I met him on my walk earlier, he’s a sweetheart. I just gave him a bath so he doesn’t stink anymore and now he’s gonna get a big, juicy steak! Isn’t he?! Yes he is! Cause he’s such a good boy!’ There was a part of Klaus that wanted to roll his eyes at being spoken to like a pet but it was a small part compared to the wolf part that quite likes her caring for him and being called a ‘Good Boy’ which was new for him…and the part of his wolf that also really wants that steak.

She held it down on all sides in the pan to color before allowing it to cook, turning to the fridge and grabbing milk, making herself a bowl of cereal, flipping the steak in between. ‘Kid, you can’t keep him, you know that. Right?’

She looked up at Steve with a glare. ‘Of course I can! He’s my friend, and it’s not like I can’t afford to buy him food. Look, it’s not your business Steve, okay? Just stay out of it.’ Y/n told him as she cleaned up and Steve glared half heartedly prompting Klaus to growl, both of them looking at him in shock. ‘No, none of that. It’s okay. The mean man isn’t going to take you away, I promise.’ Y/n knelt down and scratched behind his ears, prompting the groan that rose in his throat almost like a purring noise-one that Klaus would deny making until the day he dies.

With that Steve was walking out of the room and Y/n was cutting up the steak before turning and walking back up to her room with everything on a tray.

‘Here bud.’ She gestured beside the bed and he moved beside her, laying down and allowing her to put the bowl of steak in front of him as well as one full of bottled water. ‘Don’t worry about Steve, he just works for my Dad. They’ve been best friends since they were kids. My Dad will never say anything about you to me, he’ll make my Mom do it, he stopped talking to me a long time ago.’ She explained, turning on her TV and eating her cereal. He looked up at her and tilted his head making her smile. ‘Aww, you’re so cute! It’s like you’re actually listening to me…my Dad is the head of the Mafia here in New York, has been for years. We used to be close…really close…I was Daddy’s little girl, ya know?’ Klaus could see and hear the pain in her when she spoke about him. Her father had clearly really hurt her and he didn’t like that one little bit. ‘He just stopped loving me one day. Stopped taking me to all his events, stopped having our Daddy/Daughter Days…he just stopped talking to me all together…how is that fair?! I didn’t do anything but grow up! He had to know that was gonna happen, right?! What kind of fucking moron doesn’t? But he gets mad at me for what? Being a teenager? I didn’t stop talking to him, or start treating him badly-isn’t that my job? I’m supposed to be the mean one now! And yet my grown father is treating me like shit!?’

Klaus could see how angry she was getting and wanted to comfort his mate as the tears began falling. Clearly she had been keeping these feelings inside for a long time, probably having no one to talk to. If what she said about her father is true then anyone in this house would probably run and tell on her for anything she said about him, except maybe her mother.

He jumped up onto the bed and licked over her face, prompting her to giggle as he did, snuggling up against her and making her wrap her arms around him. ‘Thanks Bud…I have to call you something…what should your name be?’ She wondered and Klaus prayed silently for his mate not to name his wolf something stupid. ‘We could go with something classic for a black dog like…Shadow or Sirius?’ He grumbled, not wanting to be named after the dog from Harry Potter. ‘Too boring, something exotic then like…Obsidian or Pandora! No, wait, that’s a girls name…you are a boy, right?’ She asked, leaning over as if to check and he “yipped” snapping his teeth together. ‘Okay, you’re a boy. I’m teasing, I bathed you, remember?’ Yes, he remembers, he had to be very conscious of not having any issues there while she was rubbing her soft hands over every inch of his body. ‘I got it! We’ll call you Fenrir, after the wolf God, Lokis son. He’s a huge wolf, strong and brave. Misunderstood and abused…and really loyal. Like my good boy right here.’

Klaus had to admit, of all the stupid names she could have picked, he liked that one. It fit, that would have to be his wolfs name from now on and according to the howl in his head he didn’t mind.

Klaus snuggled up with Y/n as it got darker outside and she began to drift off, allowing her to hold onto him as she fell asleep. He stayed there for a while as she slept, watching the TV before the door opened and a women stepped in.

‘Y/n, you aren’t going to believe this. Steve is insisting you have a wolf in your-‘ she cut herself off as she made eye contact with Klaus and he lifted his head to look at her before grumbling and resting his head down across Y/n’s back. ‘This won’t end well…’

Hybrids Mafia Princess Moodboard

Klaus Mikaelson Masterlist

#the vampire diaries #the originals #the vampire diares imagine #the originals imagine #Marvel #Avengers #vampire #tvd klaus #hybrid #niklaus mikaelson #niklaus imagine #klaus imagine #klaus x reader #klaus x y/n #klaus x oc #klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson imagine #klaus mikaelson fluff #klaus mikaelson x reader #mafia!james barnes #mafia bucky barnes #mob bucky barnes #mafia!bucky barnes #mob!au #Werewolf Soulmate #klaus mikaelson x oc #bucky barnes x daughter!reader #mafia au

[matan4il]

Update post:

Yesterday, there were no less than two terrorist attacks against Israeli civilians, one in the morning, and one in the evening.

The first one happened in Beersheba, where the terrorist stabbed and injured two people before being neutralized. The terrorist was an Israeli Bedouin, who had been convicted of drug-related criminal charges. The prosecution asked for his arrest, but the court decided to be lenient, to aid in his rehabilitation, and instead only sentenced him to community service. He was due to start in two weeks, but instead he chose yesterday to attack innocent civilians.

The second terrorist attack took place in Gan Yavne. A Palestinian man, who used to have a work permit in Israel, but lost it and remained here illegally, carried out the attack. The Palestinian terrorist started stabbing people at a gym and then at a nearby cafe, wounding 3 people, all of them originally determined to be in serious condition, one is a teenager, the other two are reported to have life threatening head injuries. The terrorist was 19 years old, and he was neutralized at the scene. In investigating how he managed to stay inside Israel illegally after his work permit had expired, the police has arrested two people so far.

Israel has wrapped up its second operation at the Shifa hospital in Gaza City, with another soldier pronounced dead (20 years old Nada Cohen), bringing the IDF fatalities in the Gaza ground operation so far to 256, and the total number of killed Israeli soldiers in this war, including during the Hamas massacre (reminder that some of those soldiers were girls serving in non-combative posts, without combat training or even a weapon, and were slain while still in their pajamas) to 600.

The end of one operation in a Gaza hospital doesn't mean that's the end of Hamas abusing medical and humanitarian facilities, so there are and will be more such operations. That's why I'm also sharing this reminder that nothing is sacred or even just... off limits to Hamas, who moved kidnapped civilians in ambulances, as one of the released hostages testified.

I mentioned in a post expressing my frustration over foreigners' ignorance over the conflict, which doesn't stop them from acting like they know better than the people actually living it, the Hamas-Fatah "civil war," which erupted in 2007, when Hamas killed Fatah members in Gaza and took over the place. The two Palestinian factions have tried reconciliation several times over the years, but it never lasted long. Israel's war in Gaza against Hamas and its fellow terrorists organizations is not over yet, but already there's signs of that tension. This def bodes well for Palestinians if Hamas survives this war.

A city council meeting in California, which dealt with Holocaust remembrance, ended up being the scene of some despicable displays of antisemitism in its anti-Zionist form. IDK what was most distressing to hear about, the way they screamed "Lies! Lies!"' at a Holocaust survivor, or that they took and threw to the ground the phone of a Jewish man who came to speak about his grandma who had survived the Holocaust, or that they mocked a mother speaking of her child being harassed at school to the point he doesn't wanna be a Jew, because he doesn't want to be hated... Maybe that they made my friend, who attended the meeting, cry on what was supposed to be a very special day. I saw coverage on Israeli TV of the city council, which both told me how bad it was, if of all things, that's what they're talking about, and at the same time, it was nothing like hearing about it from her. So I'm glad that she shared some of her own impressions about this ugly demonstration of hatred (I'm also scheduling her post for a reblog). I just hope Jews all over the world know that we here in Israel care about you, we love you, we are standing by your side, and we wish we could do more for you. <3

Speaking of antisemitism, and an inability to recognize it as such, to call it out and condemn it, here's some recent examples from around the world. In Spain, the locals went out for an Easter drink, a tradition called, "to kill the Jews," but insisted it's not racist. Attacking and even killing Jews actually was customary in Europe on Christian holidays such as Christmas and Easter. In fact, this specific nickname is derived from those old attacks.

In London, a policeman insisted that swastikas being displayed at an anti-Israel protest were not antisemitic, and should be taken "in context," despite admitting that a symbol that's abusive or would cause public distress would fall under his jurisdiction to act against.

In the Netherlands, a single mom of a Jewish girl was attacked for the daughter's choices (she decided to move to Israel and has served in the Israeli army) both at home and at her workplace, a hospital. The mother was so rattled after the attack at her home, that she wouldn't stay there. A Jewish hotel owner offered her a free stay at his hotel. In an interview with an Israeli reporter, the mom said she's considering moving to Israel, too (source in Hebrew).

This is 32 years old Celine ben David Nagar.

She worked as an office manager at a law firm, was married to Iddo, and they had a 6 months old baby together. On Oct 7, Celine was on her way with a friend to the Nova music festival, but they never made it there. The Hamas rocket attack started first. For 10 days, she was considered missing, and it took a while, but eventually they found her body. While her fate was still unknown, two days after the massacre, Iddo went on TV and talked about the fact that Celine was still breastfeeding. Following the interview, hundreds of Israel women volunteered to donate their mother's milk to the little baby girl. At Celine's funeral, Iddo asked said goodbye to his wife, and asked hr to watch over him and little Eli from above.

May her memory be a blessing.

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

#israel #antisemitism #israeli #israel news #israel under attack #israel under fire #terrorism #anti terrorism #hamas #antisemitic #antisemites #jews #jew #judaism #jumblr #frumblr #jewish #israelunderattack

[takecareluv]

hi hi, can you do something with vin where he’s just have a bad few days and he wakes up on day and is just clingy and soft spoken with reader all day, and reader is like ???? you’re kind of annoying me but more so freaking me out wtf is wrong with you???? and just something that ends super fluffy. i feel like i always see the guy take care of the reader when they’re sad or stressed but never the other way around and i think it could be cute

cuddle day || vinnie hacker x reader

vinnie had been having a rough few days. first, he was getting over a bad head cold that kept him from attending not one, but two events he had been looking forward to for several months. and now he just received word that something had gone wrong in the production of his upcoming collection for purgatory, and the release would have to be pushed back another six weeks.

to say vinnie wasn't in the best mood would be an understatement. 

but one thing he would never do is take that out on you. in fact, you were his saving grace during times like these.

it was common knowledge that you and vinnie were an extremely affectionate couple, it was just how you showed your love for each other; but when one of you was feeling down or unwell, that affection grew to a whole other level. some saw it to be a little too clingy, but neither of you minded. all it meant was some extra cuddles and taking care of the love of your life, and how could you say no to that?

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏˚♡˚﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

 you had woken up a little earlier than usual on this particular morning, wanting to get a head start on the long list of things you had been putting off and desperately needed to get done. 

you expected to have an extremely productive day, that is until you felt vinnie’s strong arms wrap around your waist, pulling you close to his body so you were trapped by his warmth, unable to get out bed and begin getting ready for the day like you originally intended. “stay, please.” he mumbled into his pillow, not even bothering to open his eyes, probably still half asleep. and how could you say no to your adorable boyfriend and his raspy morning voice a total weakness of yours when he was begging you to stay and cuddle. 

your to-do list could wait. 

you leaned into his touch, wrapping yourself back under the covers, although you didn’t much need it from the way vinnie was like a human radiator, keeping you warm and cozy almost always.

“you okay, bub?” you hummed, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek before nuzzling your head into his neck.

“just need you today. stay with me please,” he faintly whispered.

“of course, baby. i’m not going anywhere, promise.” you cooed, your hands instinctively running through his curls knowing that always soothed him. “you wanna talk about it?” you asked gently, not wanting to press him.

he shook his head in response, “just want to cuddle.”

“okay, love. we can cuddle all day if that’s what you want. i’m here.” you felt his body further relax at your words. you realized he probably just needed a distraction from all the craziness going on from the last week, or more so last year, of his life.

you grabbed your phone from the bedside table, placing an order at one of vinnie’s favorite breakfast spots, getting his usual burrito and yourself a bagel. once the order was confirmed, you turned your phone to silent, wanting to devote all your attention to your sweet boy today.

knowing your boyfriend like the back of your hand, you knew exactly what he needed on a day like this.

cuddles, check.

his favorite foods, check. you even made a mental note to make a batch of your famous homemade chocolate chip cookies he adored so much, that is when he lets you out of his hold.

next thing he needed was an anime to watch; that was something that never failed to comfort him on his worst days. especially ones he particularly loved as a child. you quickly flipped on the tv, opening up netflix, and searching for his current favorite show. that’ll surely keep his mind distracted, you thought to yourself. 

and the last thing he always needed on a day like this: family.

there was no doubt about it that vinnie was in fact a momma’s boy, and with that being said, you made sure to send a short message to maria letting her know how vin was feeling and that he might need a call from his beloved mother later that day.

she was quick to respond with a simple praise, thanking you for letting her know and always being so caring towards her eldest son. i’m so happy he has found someone who loves him as much as i do. thank you for being there for him when i can’t. 

you smiled after reading the text, sending her a few hearts before turning your attention back to the ever so clingy boy next to you. “i love you so much, vin. i’ll always be here for you.” 

you watched as he titled his head up to face yours, a small smile spread across his lips. “i love you too. thank you for everything.” he quietly responded, placing a soft kiss on the top of your shoulder before cuddling closer to you. neither of you moving for the remainder of the day. 

#vinnie hacker #vinnie hacker x you #vinnie hacker x y/n #vinnie hacker x reader #vinnie hacker blurb #vinnie hacker fluff #vinnie hacker fanfic #vinnie hacker imagine #meg writes : ♡₊˚𓂃⠀◟

[merrinla]

Lift the Shadow Curse. Cut content. Part I

It was supposed to be one post, but because of the audio limit, I had to split it into two. So this part will be mostly about the portal ritual and the next one will be about other details.

Some of the lines below are in the game, the rest are from the early access patch 8.

During the cycle of development, Halsin has gone through many changes. He was originally just another side npc in the camp, but the community adored him so much that he was promoted to a full companion. Previously his story was more related to the main plot and the Thorm family, but later it was retconned. In the full release Halsin's personal quest is to find and rescue his childhood friend, a fey boy, from the Shadowfell. This special child is the only one who can cure the land from the shadow curse. And according to some files, this quest was previously also different from what we see in the game.

Bones of Contention

Before starting the portal ritual, the player had to find three bones of contention. To do this, it was necessary to defeat three bosses - the Hospital boss, the Tollhouse boss and the Distillery boss.

As we know from the game, these are Malus Thorm, Gerringothe Thorm and Thisobald Thorm.

Ketheric's daughter, Isobel also took part in this quest. The player could give her the bones to research. Who else could help us with the secrets of the Thorm family better than one of them.

After that, you had to bring the bones to Halsin and he crushed them as it was necessary for the ritual.

In the release version this part was replaced with a quest Wake up Art Cullagh.

Thorm blood

There is a flag in the game with an interesting name that isn't used anywhere - "SCL_ShadowCurse_Knows_NeedsBloodOfThorm". Unfortunately, there is no detailed description. So I can only guess.

Most of the flags "SCL_ShadowCurse_..." are related to Halsin's quest. I doubt this one is an exception. If the Thorm bones were part of the portal ritual, then maybe the blood was too. And it's not necessary to kill someone for that. Well, depends on how much blood you need. If we needed a volunteer, then only Isobel comes to mind. According to another flag, the player could ask her about the blood. But again, there's no details.

Maybe the Thorm blood was needed to open the portal (reminds me of DMC3) or lift the curse. Maybe it was Ketheric's blood that was needed because he started it all. And he definitely wouldn't have shared it voluntarily, so it would have ended up in a boss fight. The same as it is in the game. Or something else.

The ritual

Unlike the release version, the player didn't defend the portal, but Halsin while he conducted the ritual. This prayer is longer and has different words. During the combat, his voice was louder and more intense.

The player could interfere with the portal

In the game Halsin repeatedly warns that only he should enter the portal and nobody else.

Now it's important that only I pass through the portal once it opens. The magic is fragile - any mistake, and our one chance will be lost forever.

If there's any interference with the portal, then our one chance is lost forever. And so am I.

Let's begin. Remember what I told you - we won't have a second chance here.

Let's begin. Whatever happens, do not attempt enter the portal, and do not let anything interfere with it.

Even if you want to enter the portal, it won’t work. The scene ends only after Halsin has used the portal himself.

But earlier the player could attempt to enter the portal before Halsin. And it would have collapsed it. Not to mention that this would make Halsin furious and after that he would leave the camp.

Halsin was returning from the Shadowfell through the Shar Temple

The description of one flag says that Halsin explains how to find him after he is entered the Shadowfell. Which means he was returning in a different way than in the game.

And according to some lines it was the Shar Temple.

Once I've entered, go to the Shar Temple and look for a sign of my spirit. I can't say for certain how it'll manifest. But you'll know it when you see it.

Hah. Once I've entered, you must seek the place where Shar is loved the most. Look for a temple dedicated to her. There will be little separating the realms of light and dark in such a place. Once you find it, look for a sign of my spirit. I can't say for certain how it will manifest, but you'll know it when you see it.

I don't know exactly how the player was supposed to find Halsin (Halsin didn't know that either). But it seems he must have seen you or something that he could see with your help. In the game, right before the ritual begins, Halsin says "You are the beacon that will guide me home." I guess we really are.

I see you! Hold on! The path home is becoming clear!

Nearly there! Just hold on a little longer!

And when did he finally succeed, there was no limit to his happiness.

It worked. Oakfather's mossy beard, it worked!

Better than alive, triumphant!

Oh, my friend. I think my embrace would break you in two, such is my gratitude. But as you can see, my hands are full... [with Thaniel]

After which, it seems he went with Thaniel not to the camp but to the Last Light Inn. Maybe because Isobel's magic protected this place from shadows.

But now, I can tend to him, and the recovery can begin. Find us at Last Light, and thank you. The sun will soon rise over these lands.

Promise

Another part of the portal ritual was the dagger Promise that Halsin gave to the player. And we could even ask him about this weapon.

I've heard the theory that the dagger could be a beacon for Halsin. But, alas, I couldn't find any more information other than a brief description.

A leafy pattern is carved into the dagger's blade. It glows faintly in the dark.

I wonder if this weapon has its own story as the glaive Sorrow.

The dagger is still in the game, but you can only add it to your inventory via the console.

-----

Well, this is too much for one side quest (3 bosses + Shar Temple), so I understand why they changed it. I don't think Halsin was a companion in this version yet. Otherwise, he would have joined the party only at the end of Act 2.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #bg3 spoilers #halsin #bg3 datamine #bg3 voicelines

[drunken-ender-art]

Good Huntress Luz

As an energetic, peppy but rather socially awkward child often in her own world full of witches and adventure, Luz was unsure where to go next after a rather unfullfilling and uneventfull highschool... in the end, attracted by its diversified program, from more othodox subjects like history and biology, to classes on occultism and astrology; and by the location itself: Salem, Massachussets, away enough from Connecticut for a change of air but not too much far to remain close to family, she signed up for the Byrgenwerth University.

She was surprise to discovered that two of the most esteemed students, two brothers, originated from her own hometown.

It was during a challenge with other students that she discovered a decrepit crypt beneath the mansion of the campus; a tomb designed to hide a flask full of a strange, dense liquid... it was another challenge that made her drink the entire thing... and thus, the nightmare begin.

"Dang kid... I saw folk going crazy over some blood but this is absurd..."

Now transported into another world and infected with the wretched blood, her only salvation is also her wildest dream come truth: an infusion of Titan Blood and a spark of magic.

Under the wing of a mysterious old magic Huntresses living in a ghostly house, she's harmed and ready to get herself more Titan Blood and finally become the witch she always dreamed of... what's the problem if she'll have to hunt, kill and drain a bunch of monstrous creatures to do so? She has issues to work through after all.

"Look kiddo, you can't learn magic, you either have it in your blood or not... lucky you, we go crazy for infusions 'round here!"

The weapons of an Huntress.

The traditional way to hunt Beasts is with a combination of cold steel and firearm, in this case: a meter long serrated bat equipped with a mechanism that release the teeth turning it into a giant serrated whip, accompanied by a shotgun loaded with quicksilver.

All made by the Clawthorne Workshop, a once famous and higly sought after workshop that is said to be around since the Scourge of Beasts ever began and set off the standard for beasts' hunting all over the Boiling Isles.

The Workshop is now in ruin and abandoned... something Luz doesn't fully understand since she lives there and it's still operational, even if run by a single individual... it's also fair to say that her own mind often seems to not work right since arriving on the Isles, especially in the few occasions where she sleep.

"Dreams? Oh sure kiddo... you could say I'm 'livin the dream' right now..."

Soft rework/repost of my first Owlborne post, now with added text, a new sketch and improved framing to help it blend in with the Amity and Belos' post.

Mostly about Luz's specific journey with a soft lore for how Eda and the Owl House itself fits in with the world.

#character design #the owl house #luz noceda #beta luz #toh fanart #disney #crossover #bloodborne #fromsoftware #dark fantasy #gothic #the owl house bloodborne #owlborne au

[thedomesticanthropologist]

Would you be willing to do an analysis on Karlach and how she seems to compartmentalize a lot of extreme feelings? Like she gives me the sense that that was how she coped in Avernus to stay alive and reduce the odds of exploitation by devils, but it's fascinating to see how fast she seems to shut down anything negative to the point that she disapproves of Tav/Durge questioning the ethics of using soul coins.

I haven't done the Karlach origin, so I may be missing some context or information. That being said LETS GOOOO 👏👏👏

Karlach has a reputation in fandom for being a cinnamon roll, but she is so much more than that. Her personality is really complex, and her history is full of decisions and actions that reflect her upbringing and the situations she was forced to survive. That history helped shape how she sees and responds to the world around her.

On Soul Coins: Soul Coins are small, coin-shaped objects forged of infernal iron into which a single mortal soul has been bound. They are used as currency in the Nine Hells, and can be used to power infernal engines such as the one in Karlach's chest

They contain an entire MORTAL SOUL. The full essence of a person, and once used in Karlachs engine, that persons soul is destroyed in a way that makes it irretrievable.

What does this mean? Can souls in coins be saved? Yes! From the forgotten realms wiki:

It was possible to release the soul within a soul coin. This could be achieved by casting an anti-curse spell, such as remove curse, on the coin. Once a soul was freed, the coin began rusting and was eventually destroyed. If the soul was of a good alignment, they were transported to the realm of their deity. If the soul was of an evil alignment, they were transported to the Styx and transformed into a lemure (dang yo lol)

Karlach sees the coins as a tool to enhance her power. If the player reminds her that soul is a person, she gets very angry and says she /knows/ that. She still believes that they should be used to juice her up. You can obtain quite a bit of disapproval from Karlach by questioning the use of the soul coins in Act 1.

Additionally, Karlach has unique dialogue with Mattis the tiefling child in the Last Light Inn. She essentially encourages the kids racket scheme, and if the player pipes up to say her advice isn't moral/ethical/a good suggestion, she has a strong disapproval and puts the PC in their place by saying you have NO RIGHT to intervene on her opinions of how a (poor, displaced) tiefling child should act to better their personal situation.

We are also aware that in her past, At some point Karlach lived in the city of Baldur's Gate in Faerûn, where she worked as personal bodyguard for Lord Enver Gortash. Personal bodyguard is key: this implies she was at his side, whenever he did whatever he was doing at the time. It is also stated that she "would do anything for him", and was betrayed by him. Her anger with him is based on what he put her through, and I do not believe she expresses anything about what he had her do while she was a bodyguard.

Karlach is not a "morally pure: character prior to Avernus, nor was she one during her time in Avernus, nor is she one when she escapes. The game never implies that she is.

However! What Karlach is is extremely loyal, and a SURVIVOR. She has the mentality of 'do what you need to do to survive', and she WILL do what she needs to do to survive. She came from a poor upbringing, she did the best she could with what she had, and now that she's escaped Avernus she wants to CELEBRATE and experience as much joy as possible before she burns up.

This makes her very sensitive to anything that might 'kill the vibe'. She doesn't want to face things like her impending death (she tries very hard to get you to stop talking about it) she doesn't want to question the coins, she doesn't want to deal with big moral questions when the bare bones of the situation are that that kid probably needs to be a thief in order to make it by, "morals" be damned.

Karlach went through hell. Literally. She was incredibly abused psychologically and physically and used as a weapon. She doesn't have the TIME to do anything other than be glad that she's not there anymore. She wants to smell the grass, drink the ale, laugh, love, make friends, enjoy as much as she can while she can. Is she a good person? I'd say so, yeah. But is she a paragon of virtue? No. She was never meant to be, nor was she ever given the opportunity to be.

She knows that reality is a lot harder and a lot more in your face than any higher 'ideals' that may be the best looking on paper. This may be an unpopular opinion as well, but I think if Gortash hadn't sold her, she very likely would have ended up on a path where she would happily do some pretty sketchy shit.

I'm not sure I'd say she compartmentalizes so much as actively chooses to avoid addressing things, to the point where it pisses her off if you try to push her. It's an avoidance of choice, maybe even a rationalization situation.

You do the best you can with the hand you're given. She always did. And now she's only got a few minutes left to enjoy what time she has, so... she does.

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 karlach #karlach cliffgate #karlach

[ask-serendipity-sky]

1108: Facts and observations

•Day 0

1108 started on the 8th of November of 2015.

Jimin uploaded a video of him and Jungkook to twitter:

On the 26th of January 2016, Jk uploaded a small snippet of a song he was covering.

•Day 100

And on the 15th of February of 2016, Jk uploaded the entire song Nothing Like Us and noted to listen to the lyrics as they were expressing what he wanted to say:

In Korean culture, parents celebrate 100 days after a child is born. This is to indicate that the child made it through the first vulnerable phase in their life. In the same manner, the 100 days are celebrated by Korean couples.

And this is what Jk had to say 100 days after the 8th of November of 2015:

There's nothing like us There's nothing like you and me Together through the storm There's nothing like us There's nothing like you and me together, oh

•Day 366 (1 year)

On 08/11/2016, a year later, Jimin posted another video of them:

•Day 732 (2 years)

On Oct. 28, 2017, Jungkook treated Jimin to a trip to Tokyo. It was because of this trip, that Jungkook released gcfTokyo on Nov. 08, 2017.

A fan used the images in the video and was able to determine the hotel and room jikook stayed at. It was room number 1108.

The video also used the song There For You by Troye Sivan:

Boy, I'm holdin' onto something Won't let go of you for nothing I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you There was a time that I was so blue What I got to do to show you? I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you

Day 811

On the 26th of January 2018, in a Japanese fancafe, Jimin gifted Jungkook a drawing of a set of champagne glasses and a bottle. Note the details of the glasses.

•Day 900

On the 25th of April 2018, a day before the 900 day milestone, Jimin had a vlive where it was obvious he wasn't alone in the room. He kept looking to the side, laughing shyly and explained:

After he said this, you can hear someone whisper, "Jimin."

Day 1000

On August 3rd 2018, Jk posted a selfie while they were all filming BV3:

During BV3, jikook were able to look around the city alone, and have a boat date under the moonlight.

Day 1013

As you all may know 10:13 is also known as Jimin ssi, or Jimin time. It only makes sense that this day would be special to jikook too.

On the 16th of August 2018, Jimin tweeted a series of 3 tweets:

Jungkook was the only member that appeared in the photos with Jimin. It is also interesting to note the 2 butterfly temporary tattoos he had on his hand.

This is the same time when they had the photoshoot with the inflatable unicorn:

The next day, Jimin uploaded a tweet with the caption "Love Ya", and one of the photos was him and Jk.

•Day 1141

On the 22nd of December 2018, when fans uploaded their selfies on fancafe, the fans let Jk know that Jimin had uploaded his own:

This prompted Jk to type "JIMINNNN" and he signed off. He later uploaded a song that he stopped at 1:18:

You take my mind away When you touch me that way This place, your face It gets hard to breathe I know you're feeling me now You're all I see Almost like we're dreaming

•Day 1394

On the 1st of September 2019, Jk made 2 tweets. One in which uploaded a snippet of Decalcamonia, which he also ended on 1:18:

•Day 1500

On the 16th of Dec 2019, Jimin posted a good night tweet:

The time he uploaded this was at 1:50.

•Day 2300

On Feb 22, 2022, Jk uploaded a story on insta where he is in a car, listening to So Good by Joan. The story was labeled 23:08 even though he uploaded it at 1:24 am.

You and me Got a lotta tension, not even to mention Ooh, that night, just two weeks ago It was half past ten Thinking about living, suddenly when you walked it You took my breath away

•Day 2315

On March 10, 2022, during the Permission to Dance Concert, Jimin used the 2315 numbers and stated the following:

2315 days had passed since November 8, 2015.

•Day 2545

On the 26th of October 2022, Jk uploaded a photo of himself while he was in Qatar. He uploaded the photo at 11:08 Korea time and, 5:08 Qatar time.

•Day 2643

On the 2nd of February 2023, Jimin answered a question on weverse at exactly 23:08. The question is now deleted.

•Day 2684

During Jungkook hosted a series of lives on White Day, 14th of March 2022. His first live was started at 8:11 pm:

During these lives, Jk changed to various outfits and had an extensive playlist. One of the songs that was included was There For You.

•Day 2855

On the 1st of September 2023, Jk hosted a short live to thank the fans for being present with him during so many birthdays. He ended his live quickly and it lasted 8:56 minutes:

My impressions

Based on Korean customs, celebrating different day milestones is typical in a Korean couple.

While some may think that jikook started dating on the 8th of November 2015, I think that's when they decided to be intimate with each other.

I feel like a jikook kiss had already happened since the last time Jimin asked Jk for a kiss publicly was in September 2015 for Jk's birthday. From there, one can only think that things proceeded quite quickly.

I think that in recent years, we have observed less mentions of 1108 because of BTS' popularity and so many fans expecting something from jikook.

It's possible that jikook has decided to not make these milestones known like they did before, but every now and then, they still reference that number. Who knows when they will do it again.

But who is counting, right?

#jikook #jimin #jungkook #1108 #Spotify