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thenewyorkghostsblog · 2 years

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ECDs in Texts

Visual Structure :

One thing that you will notice about this book is the fact that quotation marks aren’t used. When a character is talking, it simply looks like a regular sentence. Personally, I am planning to adapt this in my own writing, because I think it does a good job of portraying depression. It’s incredibly subtle, but it goes a long way to show how distant and unremarkable everything seems, and how easy it is for your brain to simply skip over something someone said.

Aural Structure (if any) :

This book wasn’t a song, and as such it’s surprising to find instances where it did sound like poetry. This book sounded like rainfall. It’s sentences were short and stilted. They packed in a punch. If you read through the texts, you’ll notice how direct everything is. It tells rather than shows, and I think that was a conscious choice on the author’s part. Because at the end of the world, who has the energy to write long flowery sentences?

Development Structure :

I used to hate it when books did this, when I was younger. Flip flopping between two different narrative points or time periods. Over the years, my attention span has deteriorated to the point I’ve grown to enjoy it. Or perhaps this book was just incredibly well written. For between the main narrative, there are two other points of view. The character’s distant past, which explained why Candice turned out the way she did. And the character’s not so distant, but still distant past. And the days leading up to her leaving new york. Rather than relaying the events in a linear line, the story looped around and twisted, revealing bits and pieces at same time or holding out information until the very end.

Although it’s hinted at, the readers don’t find out the character is pregnant until the middle of the book, although the character had known all along. It has a very Star Wars-esque feeling to it, which I’ve grown to appreciate.

Perspective :

The book is written from the perspective of one character, split up into four. The character’s name is Candice, and throughout the narrative we get to look at her life as a child of three, see her growing up amongst immigrant parents, see her adult life, and finally find her travelling with a group of survivors through a post apocalyptic world. We see her head filled with fog for the most part, experiencing the world as if through a frosted glass wall, having removed herself from the narrative mentally while still being a part of it physically. Towards the end of the book, there is a distinct change within her, after a month spent imprisoned by a feverd maniac and a group of people she’d considered trustworthy if not even her friends. She is very much a jaded girl with generational trauma who cannot depend on drugs for dopamine.

Character :

There is a diverse cast of characters throughout the novel. Candace, who I talked about at length in the paragraph above, is the one the story revolves around. However, there are many other personalities painted into the narrative. We see the story of a homesick immigrant mother who went from being one of the most highly valued people in the country to working 40 hours for $80 given under the table. We get to take part in the narrative of a hardworking father who ran the hell away from china, and vowed to never go back. Who got his degree in america, and worked until he dropped for the good of his family. We get to Candice’s coworkers, although they aren’t a separate unit - rather, their elitist, competitive workstyle is what is portrayed. The need to crawl to the top over one another, for the chance for money, status, and a nicer home. We see Jonathan, Candice’s boyfriend also someone who is wholeheartedly opposed to work culture, and only works enough that he can scrap by month to month. A starving artist who refuses to let go of his vision and replace it with money. We see Bob, a gamer whose wet dreams came true along with the apocalypse - which little boy doesn’t dream to be the leader of a group surviving in a post apocalyptic world? It seems the hundreds of hours spent playing World of Warcraft prepared him to be a good leader. Or so he thought. Maybe people should have pulled out all the stops when he shot a group member in the head, and locked up a pregnant woman for a month. We see Evan, who was so desperate for approval he popped 6 Xanax.

Location :

This book has a strange way of shifting about, both in the present and in the past. It takes place in China, in New York, in Chicago, in abandoned malls and parking lots and homes with their dead occupants still alive and shambling about their walls. It takes place in subway tunnels overgrown by vegetation and in food courts with rotting food proudly on display, still being sold by its dead makers.

Tropology (find at least 3 examples of these devices) :

IMAGERY - I could flip the book open to any page and get an example of beautiful imagery. For example, “It was a pretty casual place: fluorescent lighting, red tile floors, the smell if industrial cleaners. The dishes were served cafeteria style; you went up to the counter and told them what you wanted while they ladled food on your plate.” (198)

METAPHOR - same with metaphors. The best way to put it is like Mike Ginn “Poets, we get it: things are like other things.” [x]. As for the actual quote, “The world was exploding into a party” (198).

SIMILE - “He looked like an old statue, curved over his desk like an ancient relic which had sat unmoving for thousands of years.” (174)

Rhetoric (find at least 3 examples) :

WORD ORDER - “Well I guess you’re leaving at the right time. I drank my water.” (200) What I like about this passage is that it indicates the right amount of sarcasm, spite, and anger, all in two sentences. The ‘I drank my water’ after such a powerful, accusatory sentence gets across the nonchalance with which Candice is trying to carry herself, all the while building up walls made out of the betrayal she felt.

WORD CHOICE - On page 203, the words ‘news saturation’ are used by Jonathan, who forces Candice away from the news websites. This is a really powerful choice of wording, because it highlights the intensity of news and information bombarding generations from all sides these days, and opens up the conversation regarding fake info and hoaxes.

SENTENCE STRUCTURE - “The parties had dispersed due to the rain, the rain that started dropping in bigger pelts, faster and steadier as we ran home.” (202) This sentence uses repetition to get its point across - something I myself use in a lot of my writing. I like this tactic, because it makes the words stick to the back of your brain, and makes sentences flow better. It makes neurodivergent brain go brrrrrr.

Investigating Subject and Theme:

List 3 subjects for the text – ROUTINE, MEANING, RELATIONSHIPS

Choose one or two of the subjects and write one well developed theme statement -

ROUTINE

This book has a very interesting take on the apocalypse. It takes about the end of the world as a sickness - the sickness of habit, of people falling in the same familiar rhythm and repeating it for the rest of their lives, stuck in time and unchanging. Of course, for the sake of entertainment, it takes this very real issue and paints it in shades of broken glass plants breaking through concrete. But the thing this book is trying to say, in it’s own didn’t-age-very-well-considering-2020-happened way, is that habit and routine are a trap, and that if you’re not careful, things in your life will consume you.

MEANING

Mainly visible through the character of Jonathan, we can see the concept of ‘living a meaningful work’ plastered all over the pages of this book, first in the character’s refusal to give up his dreams, in Candice’s father telling her to make something of herself, in many families quitting their jobs and going to be together in their last days. We see it in the way Candice stubbornly refuses to leave new york, first because she had nowhere else to go, and then afterwards because she HAD found meaning in her work - in taking photographs for the New York Ghost. She only left afterwards, when all her viewers were dead.

And I think that’s beautiful.

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aphrodite-would-be-proud · 3 years

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🕯Anon said: just wanna say I adore your writing and how you write Reiner and the kids and the other warriors is my favourite thing ever !! I just wanna give them all hugs :) do u have any hcs for the types of jobs you see them all doing in modernverse ?🕯

The types of jobs they have in modern au

{Annie, Bertolt, Colt, Marcel, Pieck, Porco, Reiner, Zeke, }

{Implied Reiner x reader}

{ "Porto" 1935 by Renato Natali 1883-1979 }

Annie is an Animal rescue worker.

Having had experience as a dog trainer before, it wasn't hard to find a full time job at her local shelter after graduating high school, having volunteered there before.

With time, effort and a lot of energy she made her way into the position of "animal control officer" now she spends her days busting animal's abusers doors and rescuing injured or neglected pets.

With long shifts and a high maintenance job, her time was all poured into her work. Usually she'd be exhausted after a long day.

Despite that, she's fulfilled and satisfied with her job. Not having to deal with a lot of people is a plus too, it's a hard job yes but she prefers it this way.

Her friends are bumped about not being able to see her a lot but they understand, plus she keeps in touch with them by lurking in the group chat only to send a snarky remark to stir the pot every now and then.

Bertolt sees her everyday because they work at the same animal shelter, even if their jobs are different they still walk home together, she also met some different people like Hitch and Marco at her job.

The kids love her job, they think it's badass, especially Gabi and Udo. Gabi because Annie gets to kick people in the face and Udo because he genuinely cares about animals.

She'd never tell anyone this, but part of the reason she wanted the job was because she felt guilty for her past self and wanted to fight for those who couldn't fight for themselves.

Bertolt is a veterinarian.

Having changed his mind post graduation and going to college instead of with Reiner, he graduated after 4 years of studying and is currently working with Annie at the local shelter while also planning to open his own clinic one day.

He takes some animals under his personal care for weeks or months even till they get adopted, he fears something bad will happen to the weak or ill ones if left at the shelter overnight.

Just like Annie, the job takes a lot of his time, not to mention caring for animals off of work. So he's in the same situation as her, but for the sake of his best friend he still finds time to visit and hang out once a week.

Reiner and him still text daily, it's mostly pictures Bertolt took of the animals, Annie on her break, interesting plants he finds along the way. And Reiner replies with pictures of the kids.

They still find time to play basketball together, they try to keep it a secret from Annie because she will kick their ass in it.

Bertolt is comfortable with his job, he feels like he belongs and likes being needed. Yes the long hours are a con but seeing the fruits of his labour grow and get better day by day makes it all worth it.

The kids like visiting his house because there usually will be a new dog or some animal in there every month or so, Reiner makes sure they don't bother the animals.

Something he's never told anyone is a big part of the reason he changed his mind last minute was because Animals feel much safer and secure for him to work with than humans.

Colt is a college student working part time.

He's majoring in nursing, being a four years degree he's trying to balance his studies with work and taking care of Falco.

Zeke offered him to work full time after graduation at his clinic, since he's been working part time there for a while and the pay is good, plus it's really convenientnal.

He has worked different part time jobs in the past like a barista, flower shop assistant, tutor, kindergarten teacher, etc.

Between all his responsibilities he barely has time for himself, his courses end right before his work starts and the small bits in-between is spent on Falco and his friends. Zeke and Pieck try to take some of his responsibility but he refuses saying it's the least he could do to Falco.

He's really good at his job like multitasking, reading people, gaining their trust and having high stamina that he could stay for night shifts even.

He relies on coffee a lot.

Falco sees him as a real life superhero, they weren't that close before but after the incident he really started appreciating his big brother.

Something he keeps inside is that despite pursuing this job because he genuinely wanted to make a difference in people's lives and help the sick, he also felt a crushing guilt after his parents passed away, and so he's trying to save other people's lives now instead.

Marcel is a pilot.

It's a dream he always had since middle school, soon after graduation he joined the military to gain enough flying hours and experience to apply to a commercial airline after taking some mathematics, aviation and some general flying courses.

He was officially hired as a pilot after getting his first class medical certificate to check his health.

His work isn't measured by hours to him but by days, he needs to be available 24/7 in case of an emergency call. Now he's working overseas and far away from his friends.

You've actually never met Marcel, only seen pictures of him and received letters. The person he keeps in touch with the most is Porco.

He likes his work, it's his dream. He doesn't like the work hours and being so absent from his friends and brother, he misses them so much at times.

Pieck is a tattoo artist.

Her shop is actually her old flower shop after she decided to change her career. She's always been good with plants and taking care of them, at that time Colt worked as her assistant.

It wasn't till later after some years of practice and training under other artists that she was confident enough about her skills to start the project

Her art is full of life, mesmerising and beautiful. She puts her soul in every piece and has gained a good reputation because of it, plus having really high ratings and strict hygiene rules, no health inspector could ever challenge her.

Having her own independent work meant that she has a very flexible schedule, being mostly free ment she could pursue other hobbies like gardening.

A peaceful and simple life where she can indulge in her art and be happy is all she ever wanted

Porco is a frequent customer of hers that gets a family discount, Zeke came once before and later sent his friend, a really tall and blonde woman who became her most frequent customer.

Zofia thinks her work is really cool and wants to go and just watch her do her thing, but it's frowned upon to have a kid just sitting at a tattoo shop.

Despite changing into this career, the town people still think of her as the sweet flower shop lady.

Porco is a bartender.

That job came to him by accident more than anything, he was working part time as a bouncer in a local bar but a slot was open after the old bartender suddenly quit and he gave it a chance.

He didn't expect to love it so much, neither did he know about his hidden talent in mixing drinks. So he took it as full time and changed to better bars after gaining the experience he needed.

Being naturally charismatic and good at influencing people, while also multitasking in making drinks and keeping a conversation going, he was instantly a hit in whatever place he worked at.

Working the night shift ment he's mostly free in the morning, he tries to help Pieck with her gardening and is actually attempting to grow some plants at his house.

Naturally whenever there's a gathering, he's the one mixing drinks and being the self assigned bartender who openly judges his friends for their choice in drinks. The charismatic persona being thrown out the window and replaced by a no mouth filter.

He genuinely cares tho, he's the one taking care of someone when they drink more they can handle. It's mostly Colt who underestimates his drinks and is left clinging to Porco who drives him home.

Because of his line of work, tattoos and general brash personality, the kids' parents don't like him even one bit. They're suspicious of him no matter how many times Reiner assures them he's trustworthy.

It's actually only Colt who trusts Falco with him, and maybe Zofia's mom who is at the bar every weekend.

Reiner is a firefighter.

With his mother pushing him into this line of work, he applied for the physical and psychological exams after graduation before getting accepted. He wasn't unprepared per say but actually being in that line of work was more than he could ever prepare for.

It instantly took a great hit at his mental health, so much in fact that he was thankful Bertolt changed his mind last minute and didn't follow him in this job.

It was both everything he ever wanted, like saving people, helping children, animals and knowing it's him who saved them even if it means putting his own life at risk.

But also everything he hated, like the hunting faces and screams of the people who were far too gone for him to save, the recurring nightmares and constant guilt paired with imposter syndrome.

He works a 24/72 shift, meaning he works for a whole day before getting 3 days off. Approximately only working 7-8 days a month, not to mention unpaid leave, sick days and holidays.

So it both gave him a really tight schedule on some days and on others more free time than he knows what to do with, that's why he naturally took the main role of being the kid's caretaker. Looking after his little cousins genuinely helped him and he liked playing the big brother role.

Especially to Gabi, he was the only stable adult in her life. It's common knowledge that you call Reiner first for anything concerning her before her parents because he's more likely to answer and be available.

After meeting you, his life improved to the better as you moved in and became a trustworthy person in his life, someone he can depend on to take care of his little cousins on the days he works.

Not to mention that after you persuaded him to see a therapist, his mental health began improving too.

Gabi may or may have not committed arson at one point, she still wants to be a firefighter despite that and follow in Reiner's footsteps.

He hasn't told anyone beside you this, but he really fears for her, but doesn't have the heart to tell her no.

Zeke is a doctor.

Previously he worked in a hospital but was able to open his own clinic afterwards, Colt was a great help to him at that time when he was getting on his own feet and even worked a lot of unpaid hours.

After that he insisted Colt works an official part time job there with a much higher pay, till he graduates at least. Plus the experience will greatly improve his resume.

Zeke is brilliant at his job, he'd be a perfect doctor wasn't it for the fact he's a huge hypocrite who doesn't follow the advice he gives his patients.

He does a side job in his free time that honestly no one of his friends know what it is, but they know it gained him a lot of connections and made new friends.

Something he always keeps buried inside was that he really never expected himself to become a doctor especially after what his dad did to his mother, and yet here he is. In some way it's like his own personal stepping stone to prove he's a better man than his father ever was.

Bonus:

Falco: middle schooler

He does volunteer work on the weekends, sometimes Udo joins him.

Doesn't want Gabi becoming a firefighter.

Likes all videogames , just all types.

Likes watching cartoons and medical shows with Colt who covers Falco eyes whenever an adult scene is on

His favourite food is chicken nuggets

Wants to try coffee

Is good at PE

Reads comic books

Likes yellow and blue

Gabi: middle schooler

Takes self defence classes and really wants to go to summer camp

Wants to be like Reiner, aspires to be as strong too.

Likes shooter videogames or really hard ones.

Likes watching Anime and cartoons

Her favourite food is Pizza

Wants to try energy drinks

Is also really good at PE and surprisingly good at puzzles.

Likes red and pink

Udo: middle schooler

Takes music classes at the weekend, wants to go to science camp

Kinda wants to be like Reiner or an astronaut.

Likes calming videogames

Likes watching anime and Minecraft let's play

His favourite food is mac and cheese

His favourite drink is strawberry milk

Is good at language classes and creative writing, he also just likes animals a lot.

Likes green and black

Zofia: middle schooler (could've been in a special program)

Takes music classes with Udo

Wants to be a lawyer

Likes co-op Videogames

Likes watching true crime and youtubers drama

Her favourite food is Donuts

She likes strawberry milk and ice tea

Is good at all classes

Likes white and purple

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irenadel · 3 years

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So I recently read the short story “An Unwilling Apprentice” and found it all sorts of unsatisfying and intriguing, mostly because in canon we are given completely contradictory hints in regards to how old exactly Maul was when Sidious took him and in what circumstances he was taken.

1) Maul seems to remember nothing of Dathomir. True this can happen both if he was taken as a baby too young to remember or by sheer, ornery self-defense against remembering something less shitty that current circumstances.

1) a) Maul’s name: Maul says in Rebels that he used to have a name long ago, that was forgotten, which is just... I’m... it kills me okay? That just outright destroys the fuck out of me. Because it means he’s acknowldging a Dathomir he doesn’t remember, but now knows existed (thanks to Savage and that bitch Talzin, whom I stan), a Time Before Sidious. And also because... I don’t think “Maul” is actually a sithly soubriquet. “Maul” sounds too much like other nightbrother names, which sure, all sound sithly but that’s because Dathomir is neck deep in Dark Side Aesthetics. It’s entirely possible that “Maul” is his actual birth name. Talzin and Savage never call him anything else, though Talzin would have a vested interest in restoring to him any sort of lost name, maybe not in the immadiate aftermath of dragging Maul out of the pit of raving insanity, but at any point afterwards... maybe? a little? Mother Talzin if you named him something less metal please speak up...

2) There is that one depiction of Maul in Son of Dathomir, presumably at the time Sidious just got hold of him.

And like that’s absolutely adorable but he IS too old to not remember anything because of age (then again comic book artists are notorious for drawing weirdly adulty kids), so that means he did not remember because he blocked most of his memories? Well.... my problem with this is that you create a sort of phantom (ha!) preMaul where you have to imagine Maul sans Sidious’s influence and that’s.... strange if you’re not thinking about a baby or a toddler who have just the beginning of a personality. It’s unsatisfactory for me at least, because you strip Maul of all we know of Maul and chase after the shadow of a kid who no longer exists.

3) We have two accounts of how Maul ends up with Sidious, one of them Talzin insisting he was stolen (what does that mean? furtively? or by coercion like Asajj) and the other being Sidious’s account from the comic Son of Dathomir “a not so appreciated gift” or some old sithly nonsense like that. One must consider that both parties are liars, who is the worst liar of the two? who the fuck knows? So it’s entirely possible that both accounts are wrong or one is right or both are bogus.

3) a) Then there’s also that thing where apparently Talzin wanted to be Sidious’s apprentice and like... for what? and how? and why? and how did you think this was gonna come out okay!? You’re already either clan mother or poised to be clan mother, what do you need this shmuck for!? (Wait! did she become clan mother because of what he taught her? Intriguing new possibility) Like with all competent, older dark siders (I see you Dooku) I am always left baffled by how anyone who is both powerful and saavy ever gets roped into siding with Sidious. The dude is like Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: The Movie. There is nothing about him that says Trustworthy... unless he actually has the chance to groom you since childhood. Like I get Maul, Anakin and Ben Solo.... but WTF Dooku and Talzin?! You guys knew better!!!!

3) b) This is happening when Sidious’s own master is still alive right? Whether you take that to be Plagueis or else... So, so, so.... is Sidious hanging around Dathomir to find out a way to kill his own master? Doesn’t he say something along the lines of “I was learning from her when she thought she was learning from me”? I dunno, sounds like a shitty Sidious thing to do.

So all this to say “An Unwilling Apprentice” presents us a scenario where Maul is in Dathomir long enough to be a boy taught by his mother, who is sometimes bullied by other, bigger boys, and old enough to understand fishy things are happening between his mom and the creepy dude (Sidious). And the manipulation is spot on, don’t get me wrong, Sidious does that thing he does with Anakin where he tells Talzin to do horrible things to herself to gain more power and all these things do is drive a wedge between her and her son, all the while he is stoking anger and resentment in Maul, so that when the time comes Maul goes with him willingly even though that was not the deal he and Talzin had struck. So it is true both that this boy is being “stolen” but also given as a sort of gift to Sidious...

It’s just that this author does the thing authors in Star Wars always do, where they ignore previously established canon, because we can’t actually have one coherent galaxy can we? Because... one, Maul is old enough to remember everything... and like okay I can go with him just blocking those memories.... but this also means Maul was taken old enough for Savage to remember and Savage doesn’t seem to in TCW. Let’s grant that Maul is an unreliable narrator who may be supressing memories or lying about how much he remembers.... but SAVAGE doesn’t remember him. How much Savage actually remembers of his brothers and life is also up for debate, given the Dark Side Steroids and brainwashing he underwent, but still.... STILL it seems the only one who fully remembers Maul is Talzin.

But then we have this in “An Unwilling Apprentice”:

“Matters, however, were only to get worse, for later that night, having been hauled from the pit, the boy found himself introduced to those his keeper claimed would become his kin: a tall, wiry boy of a similar age and a stocky, broad shouldered boy at least a year older.

‘These two boys had for too long been starved of the love and attention all children crave, for the keeper was a stern and self-righteous man, and their mother had long before been taken from them to join a mysterious order from which she had never returned. It seemed fitting, then, that the two of them resented the new boy as much as he resented them, for he represented another mouth to feed and another who would vie for the keeper’s scant attention.“

Are the boys bullying Maul, Savage and Feral??? What the hell kind of jump in characterization is this? Because Savage and Feral seem to be adorable bros who just bro around being bros and not harming anyone until Asajj shows up to fuck their whole shit up... And like I get people can change a lot growing up but...... come on, you don’t have time to take me through such a radical change in personality, this is a short story! Or maybe these bullies have nothing to do with his brothers. (There’s another brother mentioned as a “weakling”? Is THAT Savage? But then Savage is definitely Force sensitive and not a weakling.... is it Feral? Why mention weakling brother if we don’t get enough information on him to place him or have him do enough to affect the story? AUGH!) And there’s the line, “their mother had been taken from them”.... So nightsisters grow up with nightbrothers? What? Is this keeper brother Viscus? What is going on? What insanity is this?

This is what I mean by ignoring canon. Dathomir is presented as a society violently segregated by gender. You never see any young boys with the nightsisters or any young girls with the nightbrother. For all intents and purposes they all live apart until Violent Breeding Ritual of Rapey Undertones ensues. Any story where you want Maul to be raised at least partially by Talzin must account for this segregation and in that sense you don’t actually... need.... the bullies.... they are kind of superfluous.... You have a whole caste system beating down on babyMaul and his mother wanting to keep him besides her. But then once more you have to account for olderMaul remembering nothing of this. Which okay, fair enough, Savage seems not to remember either. Neither of them seem to be scared or even wary of women... though by all means Savage should definitely be....

I just think it was a good plot with a weak setup that ignored a super useful canon setting and does not account for Maul remembering nothing of all of this!

When considering all of this I wonder if the most interesting explanation is that Maul did spend enough time in Dathomir to remember but he does not from sheer trauma. I think adult Maul seems to depend on Sidious a lot but... he also seems a lot more... I’m not going to say rebellious, but I’ll say “aware” than Anakin. He goes behind Sidious’s back much more than Vader and is way more resentful of his position as a subordinate (and ready to lord his masterdom over Savage as soon as he gets it... but.... harmlessly.....like siths but for babies, babysiths).

Maybe the more interesting view is to think that Maul remembers nothing and it is only upon encountering Savage and Talzin that, little by little, he begins to remember pieces of it. It would explain his sudden loyalty to Talzin. It would explain his desire for a long forgotten name that Sidious never gave him... it would explain... a lot...

#Star Wars #Darth maul #savage opress #mother talzin #son of dathomir #Sidious sucks and I hate him #You're not doing much better Talzin #*sighs*#brother viscus #feral opress #is that even his last name???#dathomir #Dooku and Talzin suck at judging people's trustworthiness #they don't even have Anakin's myriad of excuses

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testudoaubrei-blog · 3 years

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TL/DR - Catra is a uniquely complex and compelling character who has -so much going on- compared with most characters in any medium. Her character arc is psychologically astute, morally powerful and dramatically compelling, and it pushes the boundaries of the audiences sympathies in ways that are really groundbreaking for a kids show, and her arcs conclusion celebrates love, growth, and the power to change in a way that is all too rare in TV for grown ups.

Content note for mentions of suicidal ideation and self harm.

Well, now that the summary is out of the way, here’s a massive fucking dissertation on why Catra is such a great character.

This is the first of a series of posts outlining things that make She Ra a truly great show, one that stands out even 15 years into a golden age of TV animation for kids. This isn’t going to be a comprehensive account for why the show is great - the real answer is that this show has so many arcs and so many fully realized characters and they are all growing and changing in ways that interact with each other and complement each other so well. But I’m going to highlight some particular standouts, things that this show does better than anything else, things that made me step back and say ‘holy shit they did this in a show pitched at 10 year olds?!’

And so the first of these posts is about Catra. I’ve never seen a character in a kids TV show like Catra before. Depending on the season, she’s an anti-villain, an outright villain and an anti-hero and then, in the end, a hero. Being glib, I describe her in villain mode as a Saturday morning cartoon Supervillain as written by like, Dostoevsky. She’s got the trappings of classic villain camp - long speeches, sneering, over-complicated plans, she’s oddly ineffectual at times etc/ Yet all of this is underlaid and justified by something much deeper - her feelings of rejection, her desire to lash out at everyone around her, at her self-hatred and hatred of everyone and everything else (at least by Season 4. Good God.) And her actions are as dark as her motivations - she nearly destroys reality out of spite, betrays literally everyone who cares about her (often multiple times) and isolates herself so completely that in the season 4 finale she is a solitary, suicidal wreck of a person. Hell, in her last fight with Hordak, I was definitely rooting for Hordak (to say nothing of Glimmer, who is a pretty impressive antiheroine, like if Sparkles had just blasted her into glittery oblivion would we have held it against her?).

Let's start by discussing trauma. It comes up a lot with Catra for obvious and good reasons. But I almost feel like that word is insufficient for what's going on with Catra, or at least, we shouldn't stop with it (I know there are terms like complex trauma, but rather than simply using those I want to explain the difference between Catra’s consistent abuse and a single traumatic event). To use another example from a different show, Korra was also traumatized in season 4. But she was traumatized by a series of an events when she was a young adult. She had something horrible happen to her, and it fucked her up, and then she had exposure therapy with Zaheer and at least starts to get better. Catra...Catra is much more consistently abused. It's not just that shadow weaver traumatized her with the various acts of torture, but that Shadow Weaver taught Catra both an explicit worldview and a series of coping mechanisms that she struggles with through young adulthood. First, Shadow Weaver trained Catra to seek her approval. This is something she is particularly vulnerable to with Shadow Weaver, but also what she does with Hordak and to a extent Double Trouble. Catra's instinct when people mistreat her or show that they aren't trustworthy is to invest further in the relationship, until the breaking point. By contrast, when people treat her well Catra lashes out or takes them for granted. This is uh…a dymamic I am acquainted with among people who have been abused as kids, people whom I love. It is pretty rough.

She also developed a desire to prove herself. This starts off being tied to her drive for approval, but combined with her competitive streak (which is expressed in both healthy and unhealthy ways with Adora) it turns into a desire to beat Shadow Weaver and then Hordak at their own game.

At the same time, Catra learned by always being blamed for everything to evade and deny responsibility, no matter what. I think this form of self reassurance is tied to her self doubt (I think at some level she does think she is worthless) and her self hatred. It is also enabled by Adora’s martyr complex and willingness even act as Catra’s punching bag (as we see in the flashback in Corridors). This is a dynamic that actually repeats in an even worse fashion with Scorpia. Far from being arrogant, her constant evasions, put downs against others and preening speeches sound like the words of a woman who is trying to convince herself most of all. This tendency borders on narcissistic self delusion by season 3-4, which she begins recounting her version of events and possibly believing it even when it is obviously false, and everyone knows it.

When it comes to worldviews, Shadow Weaver taught Catra that love is about control and manipulation. We see this in seasons 1-3 where she congratulates herself for manipulating Adora when all she has done is take advantage of Adora's lingering love for her. Meanwhile, she’s learned that power is her only protection, and that the only way to stay on top is to abuse those beneath her.

The final kind of static tendency in Catra is her identity in the horde and her view of herself as one of the bad guys. This is something she rarely articulates but underlies much of her her decision to stay and not join Adora (at least at first). I think one thing to consider is that even if Catra never believed horde propaganda, it may have made her cynical and unwilling to imagine something better for herself or the world. Another factor is having struggled to belong in the horde for so long, she isn't going to give up now. At first this ties into her desire to win the approval of shadow weaver and Hordak, then it comes from her desire to prove herself better than them. Another factor is her self hatred. She sees herself as someone who hurts people, perhaps as a monster. She sees herself as a bad guy and so team evil is her side.

So yeah, our girl is kinda fucked up.

And yet Catra is never reduced to the sum of her traumas and bad habits. At every step of the way she is shown as a moral agent. She is shaped by shadow Weaver's abuse but she remains aware of and responsible for her actions. This is a double edged sword. She is fully responsible for her actions, but also she is never shown as broken by abuse or mental illness. She’s fully responsible, but by the same token is also redeemable, because she still has a choice.

So with that our of the way, let's go to Catra's arc.

I’m not going to recite everything terrible Catra does because I’m still on my first complete rewatch and I honestly find it hard to list it all. It’s a lot. So let’s talk about her shifting motivations. Early on, we see her desire for approval and recognition motivating her in ways that are so easy to sympathize with - she’s been told she’s worthless for years, and she wants to be worth something. We see how much she’s been scarred by Shadow Weavers abuse and by the ruthlessness and callousness of the Horde, and can sympathize with her desire to survive and advance since her own position is so untenable. We also see how, at first, she wants to be reunited with Adora. Her first huge turn into much darker territory is Promises, when she tries to kill Adora in order to permanently sever her connection with her own life and eliminate a possible rival for advancement (should Adora ever return). She’s told herself that she doesn’t want Adora back, and at least partly means it. Yet we still show her care for Scorpia and Entrapta and even Shadow Weaver in Season 2. It’s when Catra realizes that Shadow Weaver has chosen Adora over her once again that she takes her darkest turn. It’s not just that she destroys reality out of spite, it’s that she rejects her chance for a better and happier life, betrays every friend she has and focuses single-mindedly on hurting Adora (and arguably herself) and then on surviving when her attempt fails. Then Catra spends an entire season both fully inhabiting her role as a villain (and not a sympathetic one - really only our history with her leaves us sympathetic) and being utterly self-destructive and miserable. At the end, as mentioned, she’s a broken, suicidal wreck who has destroyed everything she’s strived for. If this was an HBO drama, we’d roll credits here and she’d go down as another self-destructive antihero. It would perhaps be too much to call her ‘Walter White as a catgirl’, but still. Of course, her story doesn’t end there.

Something that is incredibly dark that is happening in step with this is Catra’s hardening of herself, indeed, her dehumanization of herself. We see her struggle with her natural compassion, her kindness, her need for connection, her desire for happiness, and we see her ignore it all, stamp it down and nearly snuff it out. This is a huge factor in her descent into becoming a real villain (no ‘anti’ qualifiers needed). Every step of her descent is a struggle for Catra - not going with Adora in the second part of ‘The Sword’, trying to kill Adora in ‘Promise’, going back to the Horde, betraying Entrapta, lying about Entrapta, threatening Scorpia, destroying the world - but she always chooses evil. And with every step she becomes more isolated, more callous, and more cruel. Her default reaction becomes not just bravado and mockery and insolence, but threats, bullying and intimidation, until her management style is identical to Hordak’s, and indeed, is quite a bit worse. Catra starts off fighting for Hordak and Shadow Weaver’s approval and struggling to survive, and ends up cackling maniacally at her brutal and murderous conquests. She has very deliberately turned herself into a cruel conqueror, and a tyrant. This self-dehumanization is a huge part of evil in the world, I think, and it’s really powerful to see it so clearly in a kids show.

Meanwhile her insistence on evading all responsibility finally results in a self-serving, self-protective narrative that insulates her from responsibility or self-examination but also cuts her off from reality and other people. It’s always a bit unclear to what extent her various untruths (about Adora leaving her, about Shadow Weaver’s escape and her concealment of it not being her fault, about Entrapta betraying Hordak) are things she believes, lies she is telling to have power over others (mostly Scorpia) or things that she doesn’t quite believe but is trying to convince herself of. It’s probably all of these at various times, and in different degrees for each lie. The end result is that Catra is even more alone, because only she inhabits the safe cocoon of lies she’s built around herself. It also is the key to her and the Horde’s downfall - Catra is so isolated and in such denial that she can’t see how thin her forces are spread, and this crack shows up even in episode 1 of Season 4, with her insistence that the Princess Alliance is in shambles (when, in fact, it’s already rebounding, and proves more resilient than she allows herself to believe, and is led by a woman as ruthless and determined as herself). This part of Catra’s arc brilliantly shows how deception (of yourself and others) can feel protective by keeping shame at bay, but ultimately is destructive and strips someone of so much of the intellectual and moral qualities that we call ‘human.’ It’s also chilling to see since we’ve seen the end game of this mentality play out in US national politics, at the highest level.

I said at the opening that we’ve never seen a sympathetic character like Catra in a kids show. What about Zuko? I would argue that Zuko is never a cruel, or as callous, or as self-destructive as Catra is at her worst. Zuko is motivated by a desire for recognition from his abusive father (much like Catra is initially motivated by desire for recognition from Hordak and Shadow Weaver, and indeed Adora), and perhaps a desire to belong in the Fire Nation. All of this gets wrapped together in his ‘Honor’. He’s a young man with a very weak sense of what he truly believes, instead relying on external guides to what he should do. He’s also incredibly self-involved, and initially indifferent to anyone’s pain but his own and anyone’s needs but his own need to restore his honor. Uncle Iroh is there throughout to push Zuko both to see the needs of others and to become his own person. Zuko’s redemption arc, then, is a twofold quest to recognize other people and to find his own moral center and act from it. This is a pretty powerful coming of age story in that it is about him becoming his own person and throwing off the shackles of his upbringing. Politically, it’s a powerful story of a young man taking responsibility for his own actions in an authoritarian regime and refusing to participate in its imperialism any more and to embrace a new way forward both for himself and his nation. At the same time, in some ways it is easy to sympathize with Zuko because his greatest crimes are those of weakness - he’s not strong enough to stand up to his nation and his family until midway through the last season. Catra though...Catra does what she does, eventually, because she wants to hurt people. She’s cruel, and spiteful, and destructive in ways that are truly scary and which prevent any excuse or mitigation.

Which brings up the other comparison - Azula. But while Azula is (somewhat inconsistently) shown either as a monstrous child sociopath or a traumatized and broken child who can’t help it (and thus, perversely, as not a moral agent but something like a monster), Catra is consistently shown as a moral agent. Catra chooses her own path, every step of the way. She has so many chances to do something else - Adora’s offers to leave together in the two-part series opener, Promises, Scorpia’s suggestion that they dessert the Horde and become desert gang leaders, etc - and until season 5, she turns them all down. While Azula seems destined for evil and madness, with Catra we see a young woman very deliberately walk down the path into unmitigated evil with both eyes open. And then we see it destroy her.

And after she is basically destroyed, we see her build herself back. This process actually starts in Season 4 with the creeping realization that even when she is winning she is miserable and alone. She doesn’t even notice Scorpia is gone for several episodes, then she completely loses it. She spends the entire time when she is at her most triumphant isolated and raging and borderline incoherent, as ineffectual as she accuses Hordak of being. She’s won, and she’s alone, and she’s the most unhappy she has ever been, and I think for the first time she realizes that. And that’s the worst blow to her, even before all the external things come crashing down. She’s already miserable before Double Trouble and Glimmer deal her a triple coup de grace of destroying all her armies*, turning her and Hordak against each other and then Double Trouble’s epic evisceration. By the time Glimmer shows up, Catra is, as mentioned, literally suicidal. But she’s also already begun the process of changing in that she knows that she has a problem (her, and her self/other-destructive tendencies). Moreover, she knows, at some level, that what she really wants isn’t conquest, or to prove herself as the baddest leader of the Horde, but love - and she’s seen how she’s squandered that at every opportunity.

Let’s just pause for a moment to observe how much better Glimmer is at villainous machinations than Catra. In a couple episodes she makes a faustian bargain for unlimited power, kills all her enemies armies, sets her two chief foes at each other’s throats and literally cripples one while rendering the other helpless. And given her ironic non-answer about hurting Catra (‘we’re the good guys, remember?’ and the fact that she’d tried to kill Catra twice before**, she walked into Hordak’s sanctum fully intending to end Catra’s life, one way or another. She does all this through ruthlessness, recklessness and treachery, and she could give like, a TED talk on villainy. Of course it also blows up in her face and is actually way worse than the portal did in Catra’s, endangering the whole universe (I always assumed that the portal only threatened Despondos), dooming Etheria to invasion and all that. Of course, Catra pulled that switch and then fought Adora knowing that the world was ending, while Glimmer was just ignoring warnings from...just about everyone, including Shadow Weaver. So yeah, Glimmer, best kids show antihero since Princess Bubblegum***(unless we’re counting Catra as an antihero, which works for the first half of season 5).

Anyway, at the beginning of Season 5 Catra is adrift. Though some interpretations, like TV tropes, see her as immediately falling back into old habits and casting her lot in with Prime, I see her actions from the end of Season 4 onwards as more ambivalent. She seems to be kind of...going through the motions. She doesn’t have any of the drive or passion in her plotting that she once did, she seems to be maneuvering into Prime’s good graces out of habit. At best she’s back in the survival mode of early season 1, but without the ambition and desire to prove herself that motivated her. Some interpretations put a lot of stock in Prime being someone that can’t be bargained with or appeased, but...I don’t buy it. I take him, to an extent, at his word when he says that he was ‘exalt’ Catra (I am sure it is something awful). Catra actually gets what she wants halfway through “Corridors.” Only it’s not what she wants. She’s done jockeying for advantage, especially in a world where she truly would be alone because all she has is this psychopathic narcissist and his clones for company. She wants connection. She wants to do what is right. She’s suppressed all her humanity (felinitity? Anyway) for years and it’s made her miserable, and now she’s ready to embrace it. At the same time she confronts her own culpability, seeing just how much harm she’s done and admitting it for the first time. Her first lifeline is Glimmer, the only person she can actually talk to, the only other Etherian, the woman whose mother she doomed and who has nearly killed her three times. But Glimmer is also going through her own dark night of the soul - Glimmer and Catra’s character arcs were converging at the same time that Catra’s and Adoras and Glimmer’s and Adora’s were diverging. And they come together on either side of that forcefield, just talking and being people in an environment that is designed to be as dehumanizing as possible. Even this barest lifeline is enough for Catra to hold on to for dear life, and enough to inspire her to not just feel bad about the bad things she’s done, but do something good.

But the first way she does this is a cop out. Her plan, like Shadow Weaver’s in the finale, is to sacrifice/kill herself doing ‘one good thing.’ That way she doesn’t have to figure out how to live with the consequences of her actions, face the possible rejection of the people she loves whom she’s wronged, and do the hard work of building herself back up as a better person. She gets to die a hero rather than live as a villain. That said, unlike Shadow Weaver she does at least get off one apology, and it makes all the difference.

Then Adora fucks Catra’s sacrifice up, in glorious, space operatic, gay AF pulp fiction fashion, by saving the cat. Catra is mind controlled or unconscious for most of this episode, but what she does do is so crucial. When Adora comes for her, she reaches out to her, as soon as she is able. She doesn’t push her away, she takes Adora’s help, and her love, and Adora does the rest in badass fashion. The next few episodes plus the so perfect its canon Don’t Go are my favorite part of Catra’s entire arc.

She nearly falls back into her old habits, at least partly. Now that she has to live with what she’s done rather than just dying for it she just wants to run away again. But when she has to choose between losing Adora all over again and confronting herself and her past, she chooses Adora, and asks her to stay.

Catra then spends the rest of Season 5 slowly easing herself into the very human world of the Princess Alliance - the comaradery, the dedication to others and a cause, the goofiness. I’m going to talk a lot more about her relationship with Adora in my Catradora post, but I do want to highlight three moments.

The first is Catra running away again. This is actually a big change from what she’s done before - she’s not leaving because she’s angry, or bitter, or spiteful, she’s leaving because she doesn’t want to see the woman she loves sacrifice herself yet again (maybe this time for good) after being manipulated by the woman who had abused them both. But then she comes back. And then she confronts her abuser in a way that she has never done before - for the first time in the series, she not only calls Shadow Weaver out but calls her to do the right thing, and doesn’t give up until she does (this is after Adora also calls SW out and cuts her off forever, meaning that her two charges have finally called her on her bullshit and chosen each other over her, more in my Shadow Weaver Rant...and I guess my Catradora rant).

Then, at the end, Catra both stays with Adora through her potentially fatal harnessing of the Heart of Etheria and then her comes in and rescues her by challenging her to do something for Catra and for herself. Not to be with Catra, or to kiss her, or love her, but just stay for her. Needless to say, Adora responds far more enthusiastically than Catra had dared hope. (more on this in my Catradora rant).

Catra starts the show convinced she doesn’t need anyone except Adora, and she’s willing to even push Adora away if she can’t have Adora on her own terms. She goes down that path - ambition, manipulation, treachery, cruelty and isolation - until she has nothing left. She then slowly, painfully, turns around and reaches out and begins to heal the pain in Etheria and the universe rather than causing more. This is a psychological journey in many ways, but even more than that it is a profoundly moral one. It is a story of her accepting responsibility for her actions, facing reality, reaching out to others and making amends. It is in every sense a redemption. And while it works perfectly with Adora’s own development into her own, fuller, happier, healthier person, it works not because of Adora or the power of love, but because of Catra herself. Adora’s companionship, Adora’s rescuing of her and holding her to account, all of these are necessary for Catra to change for the better. But in the end it is Catra herself who chooses the right path, maybe for the first time in her life. And that’s what makes the romance work in turn - Catra is motivated to change not simply by a desire to impress her girlfriend or by Adora’s shining goodness (to the contrary, Adora’s a healthier and less self-sacrificing person at least in the finale...she comes around later than Catra) but by her desire to be true to herself and seek out what she really needs and wants - which is love, and connection, and to do good rather than evil. It’s a gorgeous story that takes an antihero all the way down to hell and then back again, and this makes it a truly unique redemption arc in all of kids TV - not just because of how far Catra falls, but how far she travels overall.

*(I know a lot of fanficcers talk about there being a lot of Horde Soldiers left but like...in the show...they’re nearly all dead, guys. Glimmer and company...okay mostly Mermista... just about killed them all in an afternoon. The cadet Triad survives because they deserted and weren’t there to get drowned/frozen/suffocated by plants when the grand invasion of Brightmoon went sideways)

**Okay, once she was only an accessory to Shadow Weaver’s attempted murder of Catra, the other time she leaves Catra for dead in ‘Pulse’

***I stan PB so hard guys. So hard. Machiavellian genius, mad scientist, god figure, possible Nietzschean Ubermensch? She’s so great. So great.

#she ra #she ra adora #she ra catra #spop catra #redemption arcs

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generalexcuse · 3 years

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Alright. I am beating a dead horse here but taking time off of this show and fandom did not work. This will be the last time I ever say something about it but it’s upsetting to me so I need to vent. And to everyone saying “You are an adult man and this is fiction, why are you so obsessed? Weirdo. Learn to differentiate between fiction and reality.” I am going to address these notions as well as other problems I am having here. But really, Inuyasha was one of my first Anime, I have many dear memories and especially Rin was one of my all time favourite characters. Seeing her being mistreated like this upsets me. Ofc it does because if you watch something in formative years it’s not just fiction like a boring sitcom you watch now. Shows and characters are important to people and to simply dismiss it like that even if they would have been equally upset if it wouldnt have become canon, is infuriating. Really this is just therapeutic for me because even after weeks it’s still so baffling to me. Also please excuse the grammar and spelling mistakes. I am not a native speaker.

So the problem is obviously Sessrin and how it’s done because while I absolutely dont agree with this pairing, it would have been fine if it wasnt like it is.

In the original show, Rin is an 8 yo child and her entire character reflects just that. She behaves like a child and depends on others. She has also been traumatized, doesnt speak at the beginning of the show and dies twice. Both times she is saved by or because of Sesshomaru. In many ways, while she has survival skills on her own, she depends on his presence alone to keep danger away. He also leaves her with trustworthy humans at the end but stays in her life as a protector. Now I like the original dynamic. It’s sweet, innocent and both characters grow because of it. Rin can work through her traumatic experiences, learns to trust others and Sesshomaru becomes a better person. What happens afterwards only happens offscreen right until Rin gives birth to his children at the crippling old age of 15. 15. My lil sis is 16 now and couldnt consent to something like that. And she is mature af. It’s ridiculous. My blood boils just typing that shit out. And if you give me the ‘it’s legal in Japan’ excuse. In Germany a 14 yo can be with a 20 yo sexually. Still not okay in societies eyes and on tv it’s never shown as something positive. It’s even explicitly forbidden for authority figures like teachers or protectors to be with their protégé before the age of 18 because the chances of even unintentional grooming are too high.

Now lets take a quick break and discuss how this kind of relationship usually plays out in other fictional pieces. A minor with an adult is something that is being portrayed at times and I dont have a problem with that. The problem is how it’s being done in Yashahime. And I dont mean the nonexisting character development but the fact that even in adult fiction this type of relationship isnt depicted positively. And this show is for young adults and teens that will exist way after all the discourse as the official sequel to Inuyasha. A cult anime. Meaning that in the future young people will watch it. Just like many still watch Inuyasha to this day. It’s on Netflix for fucks sake. Just to preface what comes next. Some people say, “But cant you differentiate between reality and fiction?!?!?!” Adults can but younger people havent developed this ability to the same extent. What happened to Rin was statutory r*pe in the USA, illegal even in Germany and should have been depicted as such unless the showrunners and fandom are okay with watching it without criticism or deconstruction. At best it was done with the intention to please the fanbase but really it’s neglectful to anyother part of the present and future audience. Not even most Animes do that. And I get that Sessriners arent into that shit in real life and an adult show could have gone this route because the viewers understand and add the criticism in their heads. Not ideal but whatever to me. But a YA show to go this route is so wrong on so many levels. The younger viewer who will watch this show in the following years might subconsciously internalize that this is acceptable under certain conditions when it’s not criticized properly on the show. That lowers their alertness when an adult actually starts to groom them. How dense do you have to be to assume that the lack of criticism on this YA show is a good thing?? Not everyone who will ever watch this show is an adult or capable of the same reasoning.

But another thing: for the same reason r*pe isnt depicted in a positive light, these types of relationships arent either. Because it’s not a positive thing and most people and showrunners dont want to see or create it as positive. Even in adult fiction, even in other anime, the media critizes and deconstructs what it’s showing because normally the showmakers dont approve but show it for realisitc or dramatic reasons. the same sessrin storyline would fit a fucking horror or thriller series. Just change the music and show it all. No showmakers in their right mind would go “Aye we got a r*pe scene coming up, lets put romantic music and have a pink filter over it.” “But it’s a different time and culture!” People will say and I agree but to have the audacity to assume that back then it was okay or that in todays Japan it’s okay, is fucked up. Think about it for a second. That’s so fucked up to think. Even if the society back then or in Japan thinks it’s okay, does it make it okay? 15 yo girls werent able to consent to adults and bear their children back then. They had to. They were raised with the expectations and they simply grew up thinking that it was the normal thing. But that doesnt make it right. That’s just societal grooming which did not prepare them in any way or allowed them the human dignity that they would have deserved. To now act like it’s all cool to just show the “positive” aspects or to twist it into something positive is so fucked up. Child Brides are a fucked up concept and to portray it as anything else is fucked up and also undermines the experience many girls still have to make. period.

I heard people say that it’s okay to portray it in this way because “Sesshomaru is not human!!!1″ and that’s correct. He is not. BUT, it’s not about being human but about maturity, consens, and independency. Him being a yokai makes it worse imo because there is an obvious power discrepancy. But in this particular fiction a good relationship could have been established (Kagome and Inuyasha for example) on those foundations but they did not because I can only assume they wanted Sesshomaru to smash and the show to pick up at a point where the other characters arent too old to be cool.

“What’s with Sango and Miroku, Kagome and Inuyasha?? It’s the same!” No it’s not. Rin was 8 at the beginning of the show. Kagome was 15 and Sango was 16-17 when they met their significant others. If you now tell me that you think 8 to be comparable to 15-17, I must ask you to get a reality check. Kagome’s and Sango’s relationships were slowburns starting when they already were able to have sexual and romantical feelings. Rin was a child. And Kagome did not kiss Inuyasha until they knew each other for a long ass period of time and bonded as friends and maybe more. Sesshomaru and Rin never were friends in the same way that Kagome and Inuyasha were because the maturity levels are way off. No adult is friends with a little child in the same way they are friends with their adult friends. And normally you dont grow into such a friendship but in the rare case you do, it’s not when she is 15 but maybe 20 or 25.

Last but not least, Rin is not a character to the audience the same way Kagome or Sango are. Why? Because she was never shown as an adult or 3 Dimensional character to the audience. We know her as a child who wants to be with her trusted group. She is naive, but tough and doesnt have any motivation or drive on her own outside her group. Like every child she clung to the adults around her and her world outside of this group was nonexisting. Kagome wanted to be successful in school, Sango was a demon hunter and wanted to find her brother. Those are motivations and traits that dont circle around the love interest. Rin never had those because she was not developed to that point. Because she was a child and her entire existence was to develop Sesshomaru and to perhaps give the viewer a character to simply adore. What we see is of her: Mistreated child, -> Dead child -> Child being looked after and healing, -> Child not being homeless anymore -> ????? -> Teenager getting knocked up, pumping out main characters and then getting yeeted into a tree.

This is not the way you treat a beloved character. There is no dignity to her character. “But she is fictional!!1″ Yes she is. But please show me a show that treats its child characters like this without criticizing it.

I would have loved to see her grow as her own person. Go on her own adventures or learning a craft or developing meaningful bonds with other characters her age. Forming ideas that dont revolve around Sesshomaru alone. You know her being 3 Dimentional and not just there to pump out main characters. And if she then with 20 or 25 met Sesshomaru again and thought he was the hottest shit, I would have been fine with it. Not happy but fine. But in the little time we saw her as ‘not a child’, she still behaved the way she did before.

#anti sessrin

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episims · 3 years

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I hope you don't mind some more :P 43, 70 for Luke, 42, 73 for Deanna, 9, 83 for Lydia, and 56 for Hanna 😊

You know that I don't ^^ I hope you don't mind that I rambled a lot?

43. How important are the rules to your oc? Do they follow them to a t, or do they enjoy breaking them?

Luke loves rules when others need to follow them. When he needs to do that himself, not so much. He feels like he's above any rules that aren't favorable for him and is quick to come up with an explanation for why those rules were stupid to start with.

70. What about your oc’s lifestyle would they change if they had the ability? Why?

Luke would get his own house as he hates this current arrangement, living with random persons that don't respect his creativity one bit.

This house should preferably be one with a view over the lake and have wide doors that open to the balcony in its direction, and the living space should be big enough to hold a grand piano. A private beach wouldn't hurt either, and a wine cellar would be a reasonable addition to any house.

42. Is your oc an optimist or a pessimist? Any particular reason why?

Deanna's usually pretty optimistic but she does stress over things sometimes, especially now with the twins around. But then, the first thing she can remember is wandering at the beach, suffering from amnesia. If her life got sorted out from that mess, she's pretty confident that everything else will too. It's just occasionally more complicated than she would care about.

73. If your oc were to be arrested, what would it most likely be for? Is it justified? Have they actually been arrested before?

Deanna has never been arrested but if she were, it would be for petty theft. She sometimes "borrowed" money from Troy's cash register when she was younger so yeah, it would likely be justified.

9. How easily does your oc trust others? Any particular reason why? How trustworthy are they themselves?

Lydia doesn't do that easily, with Ash and Erika it took a long time before they gained her trust. She couldn't trust to adults around her when she was growing up and they didn't trust her either, so I can't really blame her.

How trustworthy she is depends a bit. She has sometimes trouble getting through tasks assigned to her, although she doesn't do it on purpose. But she wouldn't spread a secret, she doesn't talk that much anyway.

83. What is your oc’s favourite trait about themselves? What about their least liked? What would others like and dislike the most about your oc?

Lydia hates to be clumsy, and she hates to be insecure. The one thing she's proud of is her family, and she always has time to listen to her children. People who are close to her admire how kind she is, but also think she wouldn't always need to be so unsure about everything.

56. What is your oc’s favourite colour? If you had to choose one colour to represent your oc, what would it be and why?

Hanna loves green as it reminds her of all things living. She also likes blue, for related reasons. And all the other colors too, because they're beautiful and fascinating and pleasing to look at.

I'm tempted to answer green as the color that represents her as it's the color I associate with Hanna, but orange would maybe be more in line with her personality!

#ask game #foxfire forest #foxfire forest extra #deedee #luke wisher #deanna shorey #lydia rhymes #hanna p1

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tamersmile888 · 3 years

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Not So Berry Challenge Candie Edition: Lemon Play 6 (Part 3)

What's worse than running a mile in P.E. without working showers in the locker room? Being pestered all day by your new best friend who thinks it's the end of life as we know it if you don't go with her to a high school party.

Lemon was so close to turning off her phone to ignore the rampage of texts Aara sent out like an army trying to tear down Lemon's resistance. But then she would have had to explain why her phone was off and lying would feel a lot worse than the after effects of incessant vibrational shock.

Come to find out, Aara really does have a crush on Israel. On her last attempt to drag Lemon to the party with her, she said she wanted Lemon to casually bring her up in her and Israel's conversation.

Like, hey, cuz. How's it going? I have this friend. You like parties. She likes parties. You should totally ask her out!

When did she sign up to be a matchmaker? What, you say? It's in the fine print no one reads on the back of her Best Friend ID? Good to know....

Life was so much easier when she only played with dolls.

It's Game Night, which means all the adults will be spending the rest of the day playing cards, eating takeout and enjoying each other's company with laughs and good conversation. Usually Lemon enjoys Game Night. She doesn't have to participate if she doesn't want to. She can just watch and laugh along with the people who get her and don't push her to be anyone but herself.

But tonight's gong to be a dread because Aara's grating persistence has won the war. She's going to Israel's party. That is if she gets her parent's permission. And she's secretly hoping she doesn't. Because if they say she can't go, there's no getting around it. The door is closed and the key is thrown out the window of their ten story building. She is begging them to see inside her soul and tell her not to go to this party!

So, here we go. She drags her feet to her parents and asks if she can go to Israel's party. They look at each other, and at first she's expecting a straight out “no”. She is the president's daughter after all. Instead, she gets questions.

Her mom asks, where is the party going to be?

Lemon says, the ruins. In Windenburg. She looks from one parent to the other. What are they thinking? Please say no. Please say no!

Her dad shrugs and says, as long as you're back by ten, why not? He looks to her mom for confirmation.

Her mom says, yeah. Sure. It's good that you're getting out and spending some time with family. We trust you.

Lemon tries to respond with a smile, but it's having trouble staying tacked at the corners of her mouth. She mumbles, thanks, and then turns away to wash the mile sweat off.

She can't wrap her mind around it. Apparently she's trustworthy with stuff like this? How? She's a teenager? Now she has to go get ready for a party she wants nothing to do with. What is her life?!

Arriving at a party in the middle of a severe thunderstorm is a pretty good excuse to pack up and hightail it back home. But no...cool people stick it out. For the thrill. Lemon just hopes no one gets struck by lightning, though these kids are kind of pushing it...

Lemon has to give it to Israel. The venue is kind of cool. She'd still rather experience it on TV where talking back is optional.

But, as she keeps reminding herself over and over again to keep from running in the opposite direction, she's on a mission. All she has to do is talk to Israel, bring up Aara's name and her job here is done. She'll be released from her duties and hopefully never hired again.

She finds Israel hanging out by the fire pit. It seems like a lot is on his mind, but the moment she walks up to him, the cloud instantly clears from his face. He doesn't want to talk about it, and she's not going to pressure him. Instead, she musters up the courage just to say, hey, cool party. The dangerous weather conditions brings a unique touch.

Israel smiles and says, it wasn't planned, but I tend to go with the flow. Some of the best things in life are out of our control.

Thunder booms, quaking the ground, and lightning cracks causing Lemon to nearly jump out of her skin. She stares at the pouring rainstorm, wondering where exactly she took a wrong turn to end up in a place like this.

Israel laughs and says, but uncharted adventure is not for the faint of heart.

If that were true, Lemon needed to build up her courage quickly. Her dreams depended on it.

But this wasn't supposed to be a life lesson on bravery. She was here for a reason. She clears her throat, which is starting to get dry and scratchy from standing too close to the fire, and recites the words she's been repeating to herself since she got there so it comes out right. She says, so, I've got this friend...her names Aara. You might know here---

He says, yeah. She's in my history class.

Lemon nods and says, she's super cool. Maybe you two should...talk?

Israel smirks. He says, sure. I'll talk to her.

Lemon nervously asks, really? She wants it to be clear that this is not a prank. Aara really likes him and she wants things to go well. What if he talked to her only to laugh in her face. She honestly doesn't know that much about him to know how he'd react. She's never read the Matchmaker's Handbook. This is new for her. How does this work?

Israel shrugs as he watches the firewood burn. He says, it wouldn't be the first time someone set him up.

Now that Lemon's really seeing him, even though he's the host of the party, he isn't really in the center of it. Maybe he never wanted to be there either. He could have been dragged against his will to throw the party as much as she was dragged to attend it. It got her thinking. If you want so badly not to do something, why force yourself to do it. Why let other people control your life when it's burning you out?

Before Lemon makes Aara's day by telling her that she's practically in with Israel, she says, I know we don't talk much, but we can if you want.

Israel looks up at her, and that cloud makes a brief return before fading beneath his smile. He says, yeah, we should hang out more.

Lemon smiles back and says, any time. And this time she doesn't dread the invitation at all.

Lemon texts Aara to come join them. Otto tags along looking not too happy. He probably wants to get out of there as much as Lemon does. Lemon introduces Israel to Aara and he acknowledges her with a head nod.

He says, you want to dance? For the first time since she and Lemon's met, Aara is speechless. She nods and lightning strikes, startling her. Israel says, it's okay. We're safe under here. Those weirdos outside are the ones you should be worried about. Aara giggles as they dance together and start up a conversation about who sits where in lunch. Apparently, Aara already has everyone's seating preferences memorized.

While the two of them get to know each other better, Lemon notices Otto walking away. Then it hits her. What if Otto likes Aara? Did she just ruin his chances by hooking her up with her cousin? He probably hates her now? This is why she doesn't do teenage drama. Way too many plates to juggle and a crash is usually unavoidable.

#notsoberrychallenge #not so berry #lemon #space #rocket science #thesims4 #ts4 #simblr #simstumblr #simsstories

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moonlit-imagines · 3 years

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name: Nicole gender: female pronouns: she/her physical traits: hairstyle similar to carols in endgame except the sides and back are buzzed (not completely so there's no hair tho) chubby, white skin, blue eyes, wears glasses personality traits: introvert, shy and quiet. I get really annoyed and grouchy if I'm around ppl constantly for too long without time for myself. If you start talking to me I may open up a bit depending on the person, but I'll eventually be more open to talk the more we interact (aka work colleagues) and have common things to talk about. If you start asking me questions about my interests I get more confident talking to you and if you actually respond back it helps. I'm the type that if I try to say something but someone talks over most times I'll just drop what I'm gonna say. I'm pretty fucking lonely, I have no friends (not including work colleagues) I have feelings of emptiness especially because I want to fall in love and have a gf and experience dates and so forth,.I've cried a bunch at night when I read something and its all I ever want to experience. I'm also a bit competitive in terms of if we play crazy golf or bowling for example if I lose i get supper pissed off at everyone. Sometimes ill be happy as long as im not last. I'm not used to ppl who actually want to talk to me so I feel like to certain ppl I'm too clingy because of it, but then when I see them interacting with each other more and doing things or saying things they haven't to me I just feel empty cause I feel worthless and not wanted as much as I hoped. I also talk to myself outloud, I'm the nice kind, tho lazy, and I'm trustworthy (I could go on but lol) oh I sleep with a Teddy bear to feel some kind of physical contact since I never get hugs or anything l, even from my family so I'm suppperrrr touch starved hobbies/interests: video games, day dreaming, reading reader fics/books, buying pins/badges, going to the cinema (when I could), netflix and disney and I am trying to get into dnd, just slowly. And many others lol love language(s): literally all of them lol but to name and couple, acts of service, words of affirmation and quality time character: wanda maximoff relationship: romantic what you like about x (physically/personality): her smile, laugh, hair, voice, accent, when she wears hats lol. How she's the dream girl, how amazing her powers are and how sweet and kind she is. How she would give the best hugs and kisses and help me when I need it whether its after a hard day at work or when I wanna be better at adulting. We both deserve some much needed hugs and a shoulder to cry on. Literally her entire existence lol I wish I could experience all my dream dates with her and give her the world as she would me. what kind of affectionate terms are you comfortable with (masc/fem)?: the usual terms in Wanda fics that she would call yn ;3. Um I cant think of any I dont like, I've never been called any so lol um I wouldn't mind being called my love or darling.

Thank you and I do hope this isn't too much lol

Nicole,

You are worth so much more than you believe you are. I’d like nothing more than to show you exactly how I see you, but I made a promise never intrude on your mind, so I’ll simply write to you just how much you mean to me.

I’ll start with...everything. There isn’t a single thing about you that I don’t love. And I know how you feel because I used to feel the sane way before I met you. I would do anything to make you happy, moya lyubov. You helped me out of a dark, dark place and I could never thank you enough for that.

I am always here for you, Nicole. I promised you that long ago and I have yet to go back on my word. I want what’s best for you. I want to see your smile, I want to hear your laugh, I want you to be happy and free with me. We deserve that much and we deserve a life together. I love you too much to settle for anything less.

Sincerely,

#xxxtwilightaxelxxx #ask #love letter event #3k event

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khristinewriteandcapture · 4 years

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Series Reviews (2020)

23. It's Okay To Not Be Okay

Are you okay?

How many times did you answered this question truthfully?

When something happened to us and people tend to get worried, they always asked this question and because we dont want them to keep worrying, I think we always say the wrong answer because its part of being human.

Saying you're okay even if your not has been the problem of people not only today but even years ago. We say okay even if we're hurt physically, mentally or emotionally. Maybe to avoid being pitied, being a burden to others or we just want to look stronger.

But that's exactly the problem of being human. We say things we dont mean. We always say the complete opposite of what we really mean specially in the moment when someone might also be hurt with to our response.

But it's okay.

It's okay to not be okay.

I've watched many movies and series saying that it's not embarrasing to say what you actually feel inside. I'm also currently watching a series about depression and how it can lead to death. And this kinds of series are trying to tells us that taking your own life is not the solution to every problem you kept facing on your own.

It's okay. Everything will be okay. It's nice to hear words like that right specially if it's spoken by someone close to us, right?

This korean drama doesnt only have the best actor to play the part of the main cast but also, they also made the characters connect with the viewers. Every single characters. From the main lead to the last supporting character. No one was a display. Everyone contributed and I think that's what makes a great story.

I think this has been the most meaningful Korean drama I had ever watched, next to Reply 1988 and Itaewon Class. It made me cried every episode. And it clearly deserved the praises it gets every day.

The whole story was also refreshing because of the fairytales involved in every episodes. The mixture of a story to another story was a great idea of creating a new and unique one, I guess.

As I said that everyone contributed to the story, I would like to share my thought on each and everyone of them. And I think, this is going to be longer than Itaewon Class or Reply 1988.

Everyone has their stories to tell and this drama really told everybody's story. I would like to tell everyone's story here but I think, that is too much spoiler. So, I'll just give you what's unique and special about the main cast and some supporting characters.

1. Jae-Su. The ever loyal friend of Gang-Tae. He's like the best best friend anyone dreamed of having. I mean, with his business, you can have free chicken or pizza anytime. But I'm still curious how rich he is. Every time the brothers move, he also moved with them and open and close a business again and again. He felt sometimes felt tired but he never complained because he liked being with them. Following them was not an issue for Jae-su. He can follow them even at the end of the Earth. Because they're family and not blood of surname can keep them from being one.

He's a very loyal and trustworthy friend. I cant believe he actually followed them for ten years of his life. Maybe that's the result of being too attached. You cant never seem to let go and even if you can, you wont.

2. Mr. Lee Sang-In, the business minded CEO of the publishing company, Ko Mun-yeong worked at but as time passed, he turned out to be a thoughtful and caring person.

He also stick together with Ko Mun-yeong through the years. He have a kind heart which was buried in his business like stance who only cared about money in the beginning. He was also dependable and always thinks about others even if he doesn't want to. And he looked better without a beard.

3. After the CEO, let's move over to Seung-Jae which happened to be the most in demand actress I've seen in almost 3 dramas already this year.

First was in While You Were Sleeping (I think), then in Backstreet Rookie and then here. Anyway, her character her was slow in her work but quick witted when it comes everything not related to work. She's adorably dumb and you'll get to laugh a lot with her and Lee Sang-in's combo.

She might hate her boss but she doesn't also want him or Ko Mun-yeong to suffer. And also, she don't have anywhere to go to that's why she stick with them.

4. So, next is Nam Ju-ri. I hate her.

Wait, let me repeat that. I hated her. Yep. And you'll know why if you watch this or if you had, I'm right, right?

But, all is well. Maybe because she just want her feelings to be reciprocated. She's actually really nice despite of wanting to be not. She just wanted to lean on someone other than her mother. She's lonely. She worked taking care of others and she just wanted someone to take care of her too. We all wanted that right.

5. Let's not forget the mother of all, Kang Soon-duk.

She had appeared in a lot of dramas. She would be this rich mother who don't want her soon to like a poor girl, the mother from a simple family who often beat her child out of love, the cool mom where everyone would dreamed of. She had been named as ‘the ultimate eommoni/mother’.

She was effective. But anyway, her character here is the mother of not only one child but the mother of everyone in the drama. She takes care of the three lead, her daughter, her tenant and everyone in the hospital. It was tiring for someone like her but also magical because she was able to do it.

6. Director Oh has been a great part of the whole drama.

Even though he looked and sounded like a not effective doctor sometimes, everything he says made sense. He often look foolish but he's the smartest fool in the hospital.

After the supporting has been called for, let's move to the three musketeers–I mean, the three main cast. The emotionless princess, the masked boy and the boy trapped in the box or simple Ko Mun-yeong, Moon Gang Tae and Moon Sang Tae.

Three lonely people brought together to became whole. Who said two is better than one. Make it three for more fun.

It was chaotic. That's the description for the three. A crazy girl, a calm but explosive guy and an adult but living in a kid's personality.

Watching this drama felt like you're about to go crazy too. After crying in an intense scene, you'll catch yourself laughing after and serious the next minute. I mean, every Korean drama does that. That's why everyone has the k-drama virus. Everyone is crazy now.

Anyway, Sang-Tae or the boy in the trapped box.

He's a special trait that makes him different from others. He tend to think as a child sometimes but he's also talented and smart. He might act like a kid but you'll also be surprised of how he can be an adult.

He loved his brother so much but also hates him to which is natural for brother right?

He happened to have a severe trauma which add to the burden of his brother but as the brave brother he is, he wanted to overcome it and be the adult he really is. His characters was really inspiring and heartwarming. His presence gives off a ray of sunshine. I admire the actor who played him because he played it well. I hope if he will ever get an award for it. I really hope he will.

After the boy trapped in the box, let's talk about the Emotionless Princess whose not really emotionless but full of emotions and craziness.

Ko Mu-yeong's characters gave the drama full of craziness and funny sides. Her adult lines and provoking scenes are the best. She totally likes provoking Gang-tae and even though it's all scripted, it was so funny that it can be remembered all the time. Some scene had become memes now.

Ko Mun-yeong's characters was tough and powerful but behind that, she's still a girl whose scared and defenseless when no one's watching. She found sanctuary and safety when she met Gang-tae. For the first time, she wanted to be taken care of after all the years of not feeling anything.

She's lonely and constantly in pain from the past. She's still the little girl stuck in the castle waiting for someone to rescue her.

And lastly, Moon Gang-tae, our masked boy.

I think he's the complete opposite of Peter Pan. He needed to grew up faster than anyone to take care of his brother. He didn't had time to be a kid or to enjoy his youth because of the only family he have.

He cursed the life he had until finally he understand and accepted the reason why he had to have this family. It maybe crazy and a handful, it's still worth fighting for.

All he wanted was everyone to be safe with his care and even set aside his own dreams for it. He regretted not doing his dreams but he's contented with everything he had at the moment and that's all that matters.

Life might throw stones at you from time to time to test if your strong enough to conquer it not to avoid it.

And if something doesn't feel right, don't be afraid to talk about it. You'll be surprise of the result once you let it all out. Never be afraid to let people in and also let them go. The end might also be the start of a new beginning.

Seriously, watch this. It's a must! Maybe 10 years from now, people will look back how great this drama was and even though 2020 was the worst year of all, this was made in that year. It will be part of history.

#seriews reviews #its okay to not be okay #korean drama recommendations #seo yi ji #kim soo hyun #netflix recommendation #love #mental health #family #friendship

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hopeswriting · 4 years

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FANDOM: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

EVENT: Flufftober 2020

PROMPT: Breakfast in Bed

AUTHOR: @hopeswriting

RATING: G

PAIRING: Adult!Verde & Adult!Fon

SUMMARY:

Verde is sick and Fon brings him his breakfast in bed to be nice.

WORDS: 915 (BONUS: 1502)

Fon releases a burst of Storm flames through Verde’s room, then two more before he takes a step in. He’s not fool enough to think he disabled every devices set up by Verde though, but it’ll have to do.

He puts the tray on the bedside table, and turns on the lamp.

Verde is hidden under the blanket, doesn’t move, breathes evenly as if sleeping. Fon kicks the bed.

“Don’t make me knock you out to actually get you to sleep. Hand them over.”

Verde plays dead. Fon flares his flames and he bursts out of the blanket, his skin pale, his stubble unkempt, with dark bags under his eyes, and his hair in a total disarray.

He throws his phone at him.

“The others too.”

Verde rummages under the blanket and throws a couple of more phones, gives up two laptops from under the pillows, and a third one from a secret place in the headboard.

“Your watch too.”

Verde glares at him throughout the whole process of throwing his watch at him, aiming for it to go straight through his skull if the force—and the flames—he used is anything to go by.

Fon rolls his eyes.

He fries the devices one by one with his flames, and slips in the bed. He releases one last burst of Storm flames through the mattress and the bed frame to disable the last of hidden devices.

“Be glad I'm leaving you your glasses. And speaking of them, you didn’t even take them off. How much of an idiot do you think I am?”

“A lifetime wouldn’t be enough for me to answer you.”

Fon plays deaf out of the sheer generosity of his heart. He picks up the tray, and holds it still on his lap the time for Verde to settle against the headboard too.

“How do you feel today?”

“Perfectly fine. And I have things to do, so I would like it if you could release me already.”

“You’re sick. Science told us that, or are you going to deny it? Here, try some bread.”

Verde slaps the slice of bread from his hands. “And whose fault is that? Who’s the idiot who infected me?”

“Yes, because you live such a healthy life Verde. I can’t possibly imagine how else you could have gotten sick.”

“I’m the smartest man in the world.” Fon slumps against the headboard and starts munching on the bread. “I could single-handedly bring society into a new age, a society you’re part of, but here I am.”

“Single-handedly? That’s quite rude to all your fellows competent scientists.”

“You’re right, actually. They might even contribute more than me, as I’m certain they’re not being forcefully bed-ridden as we’re talking.”

“Are you going to just keep talking?” Fon holds a spoonful to his mouth. “Here, try some soup then. I don’t want you to go on a coughing fit on me again.”

Verde drinks his soup obediently, and oh, he does plan to keep talking then? God forbid.

“Where’s Reborn when you need him?”

“On a job.”

“Where’s Luce? She can’t possibly agree with this.”

Fon scoffs. “Luce can’t save you now. She said she won’t take a step in the mansion again before we’re all proven to be in perfect health.”

Verde grumbles, and mumbles, and mutters, kicking his feet—kicking Fon’s feet, and on purpose, Fon is sure.

He slumps against him, rests his head on his shoulder, so obviously sick Fon can’t believe they managed to debate on the fact so many times already.

“You’re all incompetent.”

“For the record, Viper proposed to attach you to the bed until you’re healed, and I’m the only one who stood against that. So you might want to show some gratefulness sometimes soon.”

“You’re all incompetent, brainless, primitive, and a total waste of space.”

“You want some yogurt?”

“You’re all so incompetent, brainless, primitive, and a total waste of space, and—”

Fon shoves the spoonful of yogurt into his mouth. Verde spits it out right back on the tray.

Fon musters all the patience he can.

Was it him that also stood against Lal when she proposed to daze him in Rain flames? What an unwise man he was then.

“This is disgusting Verde.”

“That was incredibly rude. I was talking.”

Fon smiles, with teeth. “I’m listening.”

“Well, as I was saying, you’re all so incompetent, brainless, primitive, and a total waste of space, and I hate you all.” He pushes his glasses back up his nose, smirking smugly. “That’s all.”

Fon crushes the spoon in his fist, stabs it in the tray. He grabs his chin.

“You listen to me well. You will play nice with me from now on, or I will stop playing nice with you and make this whole recovery so much worse than you could imagine. You’ll never be afraid of anything more than falling sick ever again, because every time you’ll catch the symptoms I’ll come haunt you in your dreams like the most frightening omen of death.” He leans his forehead against his, and brushes their noses together tenderly. “Rightfully so. Did we understand each other?”

Verde blinks slowly, a sharp focus shining in his green eyes. “Interesting. I feel unreasonably turned on right now.”

Fon raises his eyebrow. “What’s so unreasonable about that?” He headbutts him lightly, and settles against the headboard again so Verde can rest his head back on his shoulder. “Now be reasonable and finish your soup sagely.”

BONUS:

I headcanon Fon as a sweetheart at heart who can and will go feral if needed, but let’s go with just Feral!Fon instead.

That’s just who he is at his core, his default state, just completely feral, Take No Shit and Give No Fuck, very indulgent to his every desire, 24/7.

Now of course he learned all about being mannered, and harmless/trustworthy looking, and sweet, and restrained because it is needed for the job sometimes, and he can play the part flawlessly, but even then sometimes he just can’t bother.

Just… No, You Live In A Society And I Intend To Break Every Last One Of Its Rules!Fon, you know?

Fon being an actual Storm à la Gokudera, but so much worse (or so much better I guess, depending on how you see it asdfgh).

And so when he meets with the other Arcobaleno, he kind of just sets the tone for all their future interactions.

------

He meets with the Arcobaleno at the meeting of the Chosen Seven, and his vibes instantly rub Reborn’s, Verde’s, Lal’s and Luce’s the wrong way.

On the other hand Skull and Viper decide to love him, and it’s the birth of such a chaotic trio, Reborn can only be jealous and admiring.

(And he can’t help but side with them whenever it’s time to face consequences, because he just can’t let such a harbinger of chaos being censored.)

------

Reborn takes one look at Fon and immediately feels so deeply offended and challenged. “I can see you’re a little shit who likes to be a pain in the ass with the people you care about, but this is my role and there can be only one of us.”

Fon takes one look at Reborn and goes “We could have been such a wonderful team, but I can see you like to be the only one in control and I don’t like being told what to do, so you will have to go down.”

It’s not even an hour in the mansion on their first day, and Fon tries to rip Reborn’s smirk off of his face, and pluck his smug black eyes, and cut off his sliver tongued all with his bare hands, because “No, sorry, I’m Take No Shit Give No Fuck!Fon, so you’ll just have to be your insufferable self with someone else.”

It’s their first fight of many more to come.

------

Luce has none of their bullshit. She is pregnant, and she can’t believe she even needs to point it out because “Hello, can’t you see this big belly of mine? You will behave or god help you.”

She straight up uses her flames on them to daze them whenever they’re about to lash out on each other too much.

Not in a way where she’s forcing her flames on them or crossing boundaries of course, but just enough they don’t want to risk losing their own limbs if they were to power through her flames.

And when she really can give no fuck either, she just straight up… fakes some kind of help-my-pregnancy-is-going-wrong induced attack.

She just collapses on the ground, wailing, her arms tight around her belly, fake tears rolling on her face, begging like she’s being murdered in the worst of way.

The others are losing their mind other this because “What if one day it’s for real??? And what if we’re too late because we wasted time thinking it wasn’t?????? You can’t keep doing this, we’re begging you to stop.”

And Luce looks them straight in the eye and goes “Well maybe it’s time for you to act like adults who are actually adulting like they should.”

And then they all laugh because “What kind of unrealistic demand is that? Woah, you’re so hilarious Luce, who knew.”

(They just start doing it behind Luce’s back like little kids being naughty and not wanting their parents to catch them.)

------

Skull takes absolutely none of their shits either and it puzzles them all because “Uhmm, excuse you? You’re a civilian?? And we’re literally the Strongest people in the world???”

And he’s like “What, like it’s hard???”

(And it really doesn’t look like it’s hard for him, and it makes them lose their mind like nothing else ever did.)

Now Skull isn’t BAMF in this, and didn’t learn to use his flames in any significant way before meeting them, but he simply has the highest amount of flames and can go on for the longest time.

(And he’s actually very high on the list of the ones whose flames have the most raw power.)

Skull just retreats in what he calls his Cocoon whenever they want to try anything.

He surrounds himself with thick, dense (and powerful) amount of Cloud flames—the others swear they could actually cut like butter—, and chills in the middle of it until they tire themselves trying to push through.

(And then when they grow out of their urge to bully/take advantage of their “weakest” link, and they actual have a healthy relationship with him, he uses his Cocoon to avoid any consequences whenever he messes with them.)

Fon loves trying to break through his Cocoon. Fon is the best at trying to break through his Cocoon. Fon gets worryingly better and better at trying to break through his Cocoon.

Skull asks for proper flames trying from Viper and Lal because hell no, he doesn’t want to find out what will happen once Fon actually breaks through.

------

Verde never regretted his intelligence more than now he has to be around these people because of it.

And it’s actually saying all that needs to be said because he actually never regretted his intelligence even once in his life before.

He takes it upon himself to be the bigger person, and just ignores them and lets them to their devices. He fully expects the favor to be returned.

The favor is not returned.

Mostly because the others always want him to help them with their new childish plan of the day, or playing referee, or tacking side.

But also they’d be simply heartbroken to have to play favorites, and so they simply have to mess with him too.

And even then Verde takes it and bears with it because he’s the Smartest Man in the World, and he has other things of utmost importance to do, thank you very much.

But he’s just a man at the end of the day, and always snap at them eventually.

It’s always the most interesting weeks to live in the mansion when he does.

------

Lal just wants some predictability in this godforsaken house. She wants to have landmarks, a routine to fall back to.

Is that too much to ask? Apparently. Is it going to stop her? It will not.

If the others aren’t willing to cooperate with her, she simply will make them do it anyway. This is a treat.

She falls in a master-and-their-pet type of relationship with them, and the others find it funny because “What, you want to train us? Good luck with that.”

It’s a lot less funny when they go “Hold on, this isn’t right, is it actually working???”

Lal finds it cute they bothered doubting her skills to begin with. One of her jobs is literally to teach people to look death in the eye and tell it to fuck off, but they thought they??? were??? going to be a challenge????

She thinks the fuck not.<3

Her team ups with Luce or Verde (or both) are feared by the others.

------

Viper is there for the sheer chaos of it all. It would be Reborn’s role but he’s too busy competing with Fon, so it’s Viper’s instead.

They’re in it for the blackmail and information gathering too. Nothing like people lashing out when you want them to be their most open selves.<3

But they’re not neutral at all, on the contrary. They’re the wild card.

Some days they want the brand of chaos that will specifically piss off Reborn, so they team up with Fon and Skull.

Some days they want the brand of chaos that will piss off everyone else but them, so they team up with Reborn.

Some days they want a brand of chaos that is organized, so they team up with Lal and Luce.

Some days they don’t want to deal with any kind of chaos at all, so they team up with Verde.

The others treat them cautiously in this regard, and they love it. They love it even more when they dig a knife in their back and abruptly switch sides lol.

They absolutely do favorites too. (Fon/Skull and, surprisingly, Verde.)

------

And you know, I’m a big Polyamory!Arcobaleno shipper but I strongly feel in this one they’re just strongly and intimately platonic.

Just, you know, Arcobaleno as Family. The Arcobaleno bonding together by giving each other the childhood they never had.

And maybe they don’t deserve it, but I love them so much so they need to have this anyway.<3

This verse was a lot of fun to flesh out a bit! If it spoke to you too, maybe we can talk together about this? I’d love to!

Thank you for reading! Any and all review are appreciated ^^.

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #khr fanfic #flufftober 2020 #khr fon #khr verde #breakfast in bed #verde & fon #one day i w i l l write the feral unhiged ruthless fon we all need and deserve #even if you don't know it yet<3 #and verde is just an absolute unbearable little shit whenever he's sick #the others find it out the hard way lol

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whumpbby · 4 years

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1/2 I like to think the reason Bruce and Jason don't get along is because Bruce is control issues and Thinks Jay has control issues too that are the opposite of his or just goes against what he wants just to go against it. While Jason does have control issues it's the type where he doesn't want to feel helpless like when he was a kid and with the Joker and doesn't want anyone else to feel that way too. And he feels like there should be trust on both sides to work together.

2/2 But Bruce stopped trusting him when he thought he killed Gonzalez (if he even trusted him before that) and then there was when Bruce chose the Joker over him. Jason is Loyal but not an obedient dog just waiting on the next order and that's what Jason thinks Bruce want. Not someone loyal but someone obedient.

*****

I think that for Bruce loyalty and obedience are one and the same - that’s the read I get form him, at least. I see it as a result of emotional issues born out of not being told ‘no’ enough times in his life. Past his parent’s deaths, he was raised by a man who was, above all else, his servant. Alfred had a steel moral core and quick wit, but I don’t think that he was ready to be a parent to a grief-stricken child or very good at it to begin with. With the determination he holds onto the role of a servant (which I think was his own way of protecting himself emotionally) even after all these damn years and his ‘stiff upper lip’ approach, he made for a guardian that wasn’t, in my mind, as effective as we’d like to think.

Bruce, in essence, was raised by a man who could steer him morally, but emotionally provided little support. As I understand, Alf treated young Bruce not as his son, but as his ‘young sir’ and didn’t deem it appropriate to step in until the boy came to him with troubles - then he offered advice, even good advice. But how many times Bruce didn’t go to Alfred and figured things out himself - not entirely correctly, but in a way that wasn’t drastic enough for Alfred to step in with a corrective action or maybe even notice?

No one else was there to do it - everyone else around young Brucie seemed to want to use him, and in that environment it was easy for the kid to develop his famous distrust. The attitude that it was him and Alfred against the world, that everyone had ulterior motives. Alfred never wanted to scam him, Alfred never told him ‘No’, hence, Alfred was trustworthy. Loyal.

And then that kid grows up, convinced that he’s besieged from all sides, seeing that Gotham is a craphole, taking his tragedy as a sign that he will be the one to fix it. Because he’s the only one of the ‘rich’ to have ever experienced such a thing, that he somehow has a deeper understanding of the issue, etc, etc. Teenage megalomania backed up by lack of restraint and infinite funds.

The moment Bruce was considered an ‘adult’ Alfred had no say in how he lived his life. Even though the path he choose was, frankly, ridiculous.

Then he spent a few years in the company of bastards, learning from them, once more solidifying his opinion that world needed him specifically to save it and that no one could be trusted. Apart from Alfred, who had no power over him.

And then, well, then Bruce was working with children. One kid after another, all dependent on him in every way, all trained to his liking, a group of tailor-made soldiers to follow his command - all kept in line with the threat of emotional distance Bruce was probably not even aware of for the longest time.

Bruce does good work with JL, but - as it was shown time and time again - he doesn’t really trust any of them. And why would he? They are not dependant on him, they are all stronger than him, they don’t have to listen to him and they are very good at telling him no and not backing down. They listen in certain situations, but there’s no guarantee they will always follow his plans (the only good plans, because, again, teenage megalomania backed up by the face that in Gotham he is the shit) and that means ‘danger’ to Bruce.

He’s not used to trusting people who are on even footing with him, because loyalty = obedience in his mind.

And Bruce is very, very quick to drop someone once they stop being obedient. Happened with Dick - who stopped listening. Happened with Jason - who stopped listening. Happened with Steph. Etc. The moment he’s being questioned, he’s out of there, he can’t deal with it. He can’t work with someone who won’t follow him 100% because he can’t trust them. (Imho, that’s also the reason his relationships with women don’t pan out - he’s attracted to strong-willed women with agency and then can’t deal with that agency when it doesn’t align with his own;)

That’s why I think that, out of all the Bats, Barbara has the best chance of going against Bruce and standing her ground - she’s not emotionally dependant on him, she has a place to retreat to and a father to provide emotional support when Bruce withdraws his and that’s why B treats her as a sort of an equal. He has no choice.

I have so much to say about Bruce Wayne’s emotional inadequacy it tires me out just to think about itXD

#headcanon #metaish #redtwomuch

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riaflicke · 3 years

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The saying went something like, monsters are created not born. And that was exactly how Ria Flicke felt about the demon - or demons, plural, depending on the day - inside of her. It wasn’t always dark, but it was fed enough that it grew and grew until she didn’t know what it felt like to not have the darkness inside of her.

Some of the creation was self-inflicted. It wasn’t like she knew how to walk away from a bad situation or how to let the light win out, no, she let the darkness win and that was her own fault. Over the past few months of alone time and wrestling with questions and curiosities, she managed to figure out how and where the darkness was cultivated, fed and nurtured by the people that were meant to protect her.

AUGUST 17th, 2010, FAIRFIELD, CONNECTICUT (14 years old)

Move in day for Faircrest Preparatory School. Day one of one million of learning to be a spy. Mariana thought that it would be a good idea for Leon to drive Ria to move in. After all, he worked at Faircrest, and she thought it’d be good for the younger Flicke to finally get to know her father.

Needless to say, it did not get off to a good start. Ria knew two things: her mother was cryptic about her father and the only way to get adults to pay attention to her was to be annoying. And she had lots of questions for Leon which meant she would be extra annoying.

“Don’t put your feet up there,” Leon turned over to his daughter, who had perched her feet on the all white car dash. “You’re going to get it dirty.” “What?” Ria didn’t dignify him with even a glance, she instead focused on picking a scab on her calf. “Maria-” “Ria.” “Maria,” Leon huffed, “Take your feet off the dash or we’re not leaving this driveway… What did you do to yourself anyway?” “Fell off my bike.” “Don’t you know how to ride a bike?” Picking at the scab until she got it to bleed again (because it definitely made her dad cringe), “Yes. I let go.” “Why?” “It made mom freak out.” She finally moved her feet from the dash, pleased with the furrowed brow her father now had. “And why in the world would you want to do that?” Leon asked in a deadpan tone, clearly frustrated with his daughter’s antics. “It proved mom cares. Somewhere. She got worried.”

The frustration on Leon’s face morphed into one of pride, but in the blink of an eye it was back to neutral. “You’re already thinking like a spy. What has your mother taught you so far?” “Nothing, I’ve known for all of like, three months.” “Alright. Well, we have about six hours ahead of us-” “Joy.” “Don’t interrupt me, Maria. I can’t have my daughter not knowing anything about spyhood. You’re already starting Faircrest at a disadvantage.”

That spoke to the competitive side of Ria and all, but she thought that this ride would be a way to get to know the man she’d wondered about for years. “You’re going to spend six hours talking to me about spy stuff and not like… anything about me?” “I didn’t say that. Anyways, I’ll see you all year on campus, we have plenty of time to get to know each other.” “Ooookay. Weird, but, fine, talk to me about your spy life or whatever…” Her voice trailed off into silence.

Leon glanced over at her, “What were you about to say?” Chewing on her bottom lip, Ria was silent for a little longer before speaking up. “I wanted to ask you a question.” “Fine, ask it then.” “Do you love me?” The words sounded sharp to hide the fear inside. “I don’t know.” Sitting up straighter, the blonde’s face dropped, “How do you not know? I’m your daughter.” “We just met.” “So?” “So, I need time to decide.” “Do you think you ever will?” “We’ll see.” And he wouldn’t. ‘I love you’ were three words he’d never say. “Fine… Tell me about this spy shit.” “Language.”

JUNE 8th, 2010, FAIRFIELD, CONNECTICUT (17 years old) Whether she wanted to listen to her father or not (spoiler: she didn’t!), Ria wanted to be top of her class. Success was something she could control. Success gave her purpose. Success made it all worth it. So as much as she hated Leon Calder with everything in her being, she kept note of all of his rules and the subsequent tests and trials in a tiny leather bound notebook. It was a pale pink, embossed with “Maria” on the cover - which she had since scratched up with pens and keys until it only read Ria.

With graduation on the corner - and a four year break from spyhood (her parents hated that one) on the horizon - she flicked through the pages, a walk down a very bumpy memory lane.

Rule 1: Control the conversation What’s it mean: - Have conviction in what you say - Stand by your words, even if they’re questionable - Don’t get stuck in webs of lies - Take pride in attention - good or bad - throws people off their game when you embrace an insult

Rule 2: Head not heart What’s it mean: - Don’t lead with emotions ever - Look at things logically bc that’s trustworthy, emotions are fickle - Tears are weakness - avoid at all costs!!!

8/30/10 - first week @ faircrest, dad got me a xanax prescription. told me it’s better to feel nothing than something. haven’t tried it yet 2/1/12 - (middle of soph. year.) - i think i’m addicted 4/29/14 - i’m graduating in 2 months. Idk how to feel bc i don’t think i’ve felt anything in four years. 8/2/14 - i don’t trust my own head

Rule 3: Don’t have a blindspot What’s it mean: - Falling in love means youre caught up in another person - Getting caught up in another person is a weak point - A lover will betray you or will be used against you - Lust =/= love, lust is ok.

11/1/13 - i don’t think ive cared about a single person ive slept with. like at all.

Rule 4: Know what you’re walking into What’s it mean: - Awareness is key - Evaluate every situation in full - ALWAYS keep your guard up or you’ll get backstabbed

12/21/10 - was @ home for christmas, dad snuck up behind me and threw a knife. i ducked in time. said i need to get better at awareness. Wtf.

After twenty or so blank pages, one page of the notebook had a few words written on it in all capitals. They were written more cleanly than the notes and scribbles of yesteryear, clearly written by an older Ria with stronger penmanship.

I THINK IM A MONSTER.

SEPTEMBER THROUGH NOVEMBER, 2020, ROSEVILLE, VA (24 years old)

The fires the year prior had been the first time that Ria remembered crying in over ten years. Something cracked inside of her as the buildings and all she’d used to ground herself started to fall and crackle apart. It was what pushed her to look inside of her. To know why she held so tightly onto the lessons and learnings from two people that couldn’t care less about her. It was what sent her to therapy.

There were no diagnoses to be found, apart from a self-inflicted dependence on unhealthy relationships and her vices. She lacked the remorse and violence to be a psychopath, and she didn’t have the swings of anger that hallmarked aggression disorders. What was there instead was a shell, a guard that presented itself as sociopathy - but she knew what she was doing, she had remorse, that was where the questions began. How could you display every trait in the book but be ‘normal’ inside?

The revelation of Blackthorne as a school for assassins had opened up even more of a can of worms, but she ignored it until the start of her third year, as she continued to try and understand what was going on inside of her head. Leon had gone to Blackthorne, yet the alumni didn’t seem to recognize his name. Something was up.

With the help of one of her Faircrest friends, Tobi, she was able to find more on her father. More on his employment records and his history. He’d begun going by his middle name after graduating Blackthorne, Leon Calder instead of Malcolm Calder. Hardly a criminal offense. He had a cross listing with the MI5 (expected, she knew her parents met in London) and a private agency ‘Atkinson Associates’. Further digging revealed it as a hitman agency, one that her father was still actively employed with.

Once she had that, and access to the files of the company, she went to dig on her own - not wanting to pull anyone else deeper into the mess. The employee roster and files were what she really wanted. Clicking on her father’s, she read through the notes, feeling a gross pit building in her stomach as she learned more. Kill count: 117. Use for: High profile, quickturn jobs. Works both individually and with partners.

Noting that the word partners was linked, Ria clicked on it, skimming quickly over unknown names until she settled on the name of a former partner. One she knew too well. Mariana Alice Flicke.

“No…. no no no…” But she couldn’t stop, she had to know more about her mother. Kill count: 2. Use for: Track erasure and evidence destruction.

She didn’t know if it made her feel better or worse that her mother was typically non-violent… Even if she condoned the violence. Blue eyes kept scanning the profile of her mom. Employment Terminated: September 30, 1995 Reason: Pregnancy.

“No wonder he hates me so fucking much.” She took Mariana out of the field, she took his partner away… But that wasn’t her fault! Hovering over the word pregnancy, Ria’s brow furrowed. Another link. There was no reason that needed to be linked. Everyone knew how pregnancy worked!

After a long stare off with the link, she finally clicked on it. The curiosity eating away at her. It pulled up what looked like an incomplete profile, one with nothing but the key statistics. And she didn’t even need to read them, they were ones she knew by heart. Name: Maria Grace Flicke Date of Birth: June 6, 1996 Start Date: To Be Determined.

She wanted to stop scrolling, but her hand kept moving, the answers were finally there. Whether she liked them or not.

Current Status:

Atkinson Associates Case study 001.: Nature versus Nurture

- Developing the mindset of an assassin from day one - Utilizing upbringing to control later characteristics, thought processes, and disposition

None of her mania was an accident. It was all part of a bigger plan that she never wanted to be a part of. Each demon was planted inside of her by the people that were supposed to love her most.

And the only way she could deal with this was to let out an ear-piercing wail.

#dev | ria #i'm sorry #drugs tw

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metvmorqhoses · 4 years

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Why do you think Voldemort never hooked up with another woman but Bella ? Were his choices limited to his ranks ? Were most women afraid of him ? Did he find Bella convenient since she was his DE and married? Don't men get bored with too much devotion ? She let him know how much she cared about him . Was she simply good in bed so he didn't need to look elsewhere? Was her being married another thing he found convenient? Was she convenient or special ? How was he as a 'lover' in your opinion ?

well, you provoke me and i oblige - or as i like to call it: the 100th novel-length essay on bellamort.

the reasons that in my eyes ultimately made bellatrix “the only one” for voldemort are many and various, but at the end of the day it has everything to do with who and how i think he was as a person.

as i said many times before and i feel the duty to keep specifying, over the years i started to consider these characters in a more adult and complex way, imagining them as real life persons and not fairy-tale villains and that’s where my analyses of them come from. sadly what jkr told us about their relationship is close to nothing, so all we have here is thought processes and fervent opinions about their few, filtered by harry’s eyes and painfully public interactions.

now, voldemort’s character, if looked at beyond the pure ideal of power and darkness that he so carefully built around himself, is clearly a human being as deep as the very pit of hell and full of contradictions, twistedness, beauty and voids to fill.

bear with me, because you cannot really understand what i think bellatrix was for him without explaining how i see his psychology first, which i think many many times is overly simplyfied and excused with a shrug and a “well, he’s evil”:

voldemort was born with a genius intelligence and magical talent, the most handsome looks and yet he was not only completely and utterly alone, but also a completely broken human since birth. his mother porpuselly conceived him putting his muggle father under a love potion, so he’s basically the direct offspring of the worst kind of rape: not only his mother abused his father physically, forcing him to have sex with her without his consent, but even emotionally, because she forced him to have feelings for her - as untrue as they might have been. not only that, but voldemort was clearly unloved by his parents from the very start, abandoned by them both in different ways before he was even capable to remember them. he had then been raised and abused since the most tender age in a filthy orphanage where everyone shunned and feared and made him believe he was insane, treating him god’s knows how badly, because he was able to do “things” no one else could, things that made people uncomfortable (think at how bigots can abuse children nowadays with the excuse of possession without magic or the devil even existing, i wouldn’t be surprised if tom as a child was put under monstrous rituals with the hope of exorcising him, it was after all the 30s in a really degraded and poor environment). imagine the hate, the resentment, the fear, the basic instinct to survive and only caring about himself that must have started to boil inside of him in the most dangerous of ways. he surely had the inclination to became what he ultimately became from birth, but goodness how life helped him. he learnt to defend and avenge himself from such a hostile world from the very start, it was a matter of surviving or succumbing. and then, at some point of his young age, he finally started to master and taste something that made him feel good, that made him feel right about himself, he started to enjoy the feeling of being in control of his abusers, of manipulating them, of hurting them, of taking what he wanted from them, the feeling of power - and moreover, a power that directly originated from inside himself - his power. he obviously started to consider himself his own savior, he started to intimately feel special, better than anyone, superior. at the same time he started to hate muggles, because muggles had been his first real source of utter isolation and pain (thing reinforced by the discovery, many years later, that his father, the reason he had to go through all that, was one of them). then, out of the blue, he was told that “more” he had so strong inside of himself was indeed magic. imagine the feeling of validation he must have felt about his uniqueness and superiority, imagine how powerfully his addiction to this wondrous thing he could finally name must have taken definitive root inside of him. magic became his everything, his religion, his purpose, his assurance of never having to feel weak, vulnerable or defenseless ever again. magic was the fuel that alimented everything he literally had in the world and that he ever felt comfortable to ever want (uniqueness, power, superiority, extraordinariness). human relationships were ludicrously out of the question in his eyes since he was a child. human beings were not reliable nor trustworthy. human beings were an utter disappointment, everyone was beneath him and no one really deserved his consideration anyway. magic was everything that really mattered. without magic, he was literally nothing - or at least that’s what life had convinced him of. an existence of his not desperately clutched on and inextricably intertwined with it was not something he even dared to fathom for himself. if you understand this, if you understand the perversion of his dependency towards magic, everything he ever did becomes painfully clear. magic for him was something so fundamental, so deeply mingled with his very being (and this is probably also the reason he indeed was the most powerful wizard that ever lived), that growing up he became more and more desperately obsessed about preserving and strengthening it. this is the root of his every choice, from venturing into the dark arts turning out completely disfigured but incredibly more powerful, to believing he could actually be the first immortal in history, to his entire anti-muggle politics. not only muggles were inferior and disgusting to him, but their mingling with wizards was in his eyes a dreadful threat to the very existence of magic and therefore everything special he ever had been. as a result, he ventured deeper and deeper into it, never to come back. no magic act seemed against nature to him, because he considered himself one with it. this is where his iron-rooted god complex comes from and i think it’s something a little more complicated than simple megalomania. but this is also where his problems with his own humanity (and other’s) started. at some point he really considered himself more than human, of a different species. no aspect of humanity meant anything to him, on the contrary, i think he had terrible problems with every basic human behavior, from caring, to having to eat and drink to survive, to sweating and having sexual impulses - and, of course, to the ultimate form of humanity, dying. i think he was profoundly disgusted by his and other’s physicality, to anything that could remind him of his mortality, even a breath.

and that’s why i don’t really think even as a most handsome young men he even spared girls or women a glance. i think he considered the whole thing far beneath him, as if a god was interested in exchanging fluids with worms. i also think deep down there was simultaneously an intellectual and not only a physical element in his disgust: i think he considered his good looks something pleasant to look at in a mirror (he only deserved the best, even in a face), quite useful, but in general absolutely meaningless and void. not to mention that was his muggle father’s face, the revolting beauty that doomed it as a child and that shamed him every day looking back at him in the mirror. the entire crowds of girls that without any doubt must have fawned over him at school were probably amusing to him in rare particularly good days and insufferable and despicable the rest. no one deserved to be around him, no one could understand his real greatness or void anyway, no matter how low they rightfully bowed - and they had to bow, but from a fair distance. i think the mere thought of sex was something absolutely revolting to him.

until.

now you are probably starting to understand why i needed this endless preface to answer your question.

i think bellatrix was something really unexpected for him, that came relatively late in his life while he was busy with everything else, building an empire and becoming a most powerful immortal creature, and it was extraordinary enough to enkindle something in him, in his humanity, at first even without his consent or him even noticing.

yes, you heard me right, despite all i have just written, lord voldemort was still human being and of a really damaged and flawed kind, no matter what he stubbornly wanted to believe about himself.

i think the first immediate reason that sparkled voldemort’s interest was that bellatrix somehow reminded him of himself. and we do know that he was really able to love only himself. this is the ultimate narcissistic thought process. she was everything he admired of his own qualities: beautiful, dark, incredibly intelligent and magically skilled, proud, ambitious, ruthless, power-angry. they were incredibly similar. but she was at the same time somehow more than him, she actually was what he thought he was supposed have been: the heir of one of the most noble and ancient magical families of britain, pure powerful blood in her veins. it’s obvious he took her under his wing, thinking such a talent was a most valuable addiction to his cause, especially because along all that, bellatrix was able from the start to show him a loyalty, usefulness and adoration of a different, truer kind from all the others. and i think he really valued that, i think he was completely aware she was the only person he could really trust and i think it wasn’t a secondary thing for someone who had never really trusted anyone from the day he was born - that he was aware of it or not. one thing is believing your followers are loyal to you and your cause (an example is snape), another is having the absolute certainty that someone will always be at your side, no matter how desperate the situation - and only bellatrix was ever able to provide him that. he was intelligent enough to tell the difference. i think bellatrix’s unfaltering loyalty and mind-presence at azkaban for fourteen years after his apparent demise was something that really won his respect and admiration. and no, i don’t really think voldemort was the kind of person that gets tired of too much devotion, at least not a true, sincere one, as the kind bellatrix’s provided him from day one. i actually think he was in desperate need of it, consciously or not. voldemort probably had, in my vision, a peculiar relationship with devotion and servility: he thought everyone owed him as much, but was at the same time quite annoyed by too much of it (killing people who said too much “my lords”). but not too much of bellatrix’s, and it’s probably because of the fact hers was of a deeper and more honest kind of devotion.

we don’t have to forget bellatrix was almost as egocentric, proud and vain as him, this is the woman who sits on chairs as if they were thrones. she was wizarding royalty and she sure as hell acted accordingly, she was used to have everyone bow to her (and if they didn’t, she made them). and the fact that she, this fearless tigress, only bowed to him, out of admiration and not blind fear (even if a healthy component of fear was indeed present in her as well), was certainly a reason of great pleasure and amusement to him. don’t even forget i totally believe bella amused him as hell. can you imagine anyone else rendered a blathering idiot in front of him, following him so closely, too closely, speaking without asking, etc, who would have lived to tell the tale? bella was allowed things no one else was, pet name included.

she was one hell of a woman, painfully like him, that literally melted and would have died any moment for him. this started to move things inside of him that i’m sure at first he didn’t like, especially the physical impulses. i said many times i’m convinced at first he was resolute into killing her. the fact that in the end he didn’t tells the tale for me. who knows, maybe the killing in the middle turned into other primordial activities. sexually, i do think he had the need to use a fair amount of violence, not so much because he wanted to hurt her, but to deal with the mortality/humanity aversion, and i think bellatrix was the only woman who was mentally built to not only understand, but enjoy that. i think bella’s legs went week in front of his displays of power, no matter if the victim was her. i wasn’t really a matter of dominating her spirit, but totally possessing her body for him. funnily enough, i think he absolutely respected her in his own twisted way and that she totally thought the same. that respect had nothing to do with their physical and political power dynamics.

again, they were absurdly similar and well-matched. i think at some point she became invaluable to him in a similar way magic was, so much he actually risked his own life and failure to ensure she wasn’t captured again. everyone else was disposable, but not his bella. he could have punished her the rare times she let him down, but as a death eater, not as a person. i think bellatrix was the only case in which the two things in his mind were actually separate even if linked.

they fond each other in darkness and voldemort, lover of uniqueness, surely understood the extraordinary quality of such a relationship. he wanted only the best for himself, he deserved as much, and bellatrix was the actual best in his mind. she, having a similar thought, had inside of her a dramatic and overwhelming pull towards darkness, power and violence, and he embodied them all and much more in her eyes.

so, in conclusion (because i could go on for several other hours), for sure bellatrix was also, along with all the other things, convenient to him, not so much because she was married, because i think neither of them gave an effing fuck about it, but because she was perfect for him in basically every single way (best death eater, genius, skilled, pureblood, devious, not afraid of his darkness but drawn to it, loyal, submitted to him but only to him), as if he himself had carefully molded out of clay his ideal match.

as to how i think voldemort was as a lover - really, really painfully disturbing, as his whole character. i don’t think him really able to separate passion and violence, for example, and i see him really prone to dangerous mood swings, trust issues and destructive tendencies. he was also surely overly possessive of bellatrix, his bella. he was the only one entitled to treat her as he pleased, no one else, no matter if he had just crucioed the hell out of her. lay a finger on her and you are dead. also, i don’t really think he ever told her just how much she meant for him, on the contrary i think whenever he thought she was getting too close and him too attached, he would mercilessly push her away, even violently.

but at the same time i see him quite thoughtful and appreciative of everything bellatrix was, much more than any other man or husband of that society. he really thought she was the best besides himself. that he told it out loud or not, i think he was well aware of all bellatrix’s qualities, especially the ones she directed towards him, and was intimately and very deeply proud of her. i think he was really grateful for her existence and the moment she died he just knew everything was lost.

#bellamort #here i am voldemort's psychologist welcome to my office #lord voldemort #tom marvolo riddle #bellatrix black #bellatrix lestrange #hp #in the land of gods and monsters #villains #one and one thousand stories lis told #asks/replies #anon

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