#I shouldn't be worrying about when I'm going to eat next but both my parents work for the NHS you both take advantage of and

[sleep-well-dearest]

Did you know?

The term 'Woke' literally means to be aware of social issues that need addressing.

So when conservatives are complaining about new "woke" people and politicians destroying the country, they're admitting that their own political parties aren't doing their own job.

By the definition of the word- it is _literally_ the job of a politician to be woke.

Good job guys, really showing your intellect and research capabilities, there aren't you?

#You aren't working hard enough #that makes me 50 percent better then most politicians in this damn country #politics #uk politics #uk #conservatives #I'm 17 and could run this country better then them #literally didn't pick our own damn prime-minister #and we still got the shitty ones #oops #there goes the economy #looks like bread costs as much as my full payday again #Screw you karen #I'm a child #I shouldn't be worrying about when I'm going to eat next but both my parents work for the NHS you both take advantage of and #are privatising as we speak #politicians

[felixsramen]

Yours Truly

This is part 8 to my Skz poly fic.

Previous<<<< Next>>>>

Warnings: handjob, cum eating

You had woken up two pairs of hands wrapped around you. One set belonging to Jisung and the other Changbin. A blanket was draped over you guys.

You felt safe in his grip. Like you belonged there. It didn't take long before Jisung opened his eyes. They met yours and he blinked the sleep away.

"What time is it?" He says to you. You grab the nearest phone looking at the time. "10:23." You answer back to him and he sighs.

"How are you feeling?" He says hands wrapped around your waist.

"Better. Tired but better." You say back to him.

Changbin stirs awake at yours and Jisungs conversation. He looks at you both and unwraps his hand to grab his phone.

"Fuck." He says swearing at the missed calls on his phone coming from his worried boyfriends.

"I told Chan that I'd let him know if we were staying the night. I'll be back. I'm going to call him and let him know we're good." Changbin says getting up and going to the front porch again.

As Changbin steps outside Jisung looks back at you.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" He asks you. With a sigh you nod.

"I really like you. All of you. I've heard all my life stuff about how being different was wrong. My family has shunned me. Everyone except my parents. I thought about everyone's opinions of me and let it get to my head." You say softly and Jisung looks at you with care.

"You shouldn't care about that stuff. We like you just as much or we wouldn't have asked you on a date today. It sucks you couldn't do it tonight but there's always another night or day." Jisung says trying to reassure you.

"So you guys don't just want me for sex? I'm not just an easy fuck?" You ask him and his eyes are filled with concern.

"Why would you think that? Of course you're not an easy fuck. Yes we think you're attractive but we don't just want to fuck you and leave. You're so much more than that. You mean so much more than that to us. All of us like you." Jisung says and he intertwines yours and his hands together.

You sigh as you feel like weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

"We like you and we'd love nothing more than to get to know you more. Then maybe you could even become our girlfriend." Jisung says his eyes hopeful.

"Maybe." You reply back to him and it's Jisung who kisses you. The kissing turns quickly into a makeout session. Your hands going to his hair as you shift facing him in his lap. You bite softly on his lip and whines.

He pulls away. He looked fucked out already. Hair messy lips plump and his eyes glazed over.

You don't realize that Changbin came back inside.

"What did I miss Ji?" He says looking at you both chuckling slightly.

"Shut up." Jisung says snapping at his boyfriend. Changbin raises an eyebrow questioningly.

Jisung looks away ashamed at him snapping at his boyfriend. He had been used to Hyunjins teasing lately and was getting annoyed with all the teasing.

You look at Changbin who gets closer to Jisung grabbing his face. "Look at me Ji." Changbin says and Jisung doesn't look him in the eyes embarrassed.

"Jisung look at me now." Changbin says annoyed now. Jisungs eyes look at his boyfriend. Changbins taken aback at the tears coming to Jisung eyes threatening to fall.

"Ji what's wrong?" Changbin says.

"Everyone's teasing. All the teasing about me. I don't mind it usually but I feel like that's all everyone does it now." Jisung says tears about to fall.

Changbin sighs. "We're not meaning to tease you so much baby. We love you. I'll talk to the boys about it. We didn't think it was affecting you that much if we knew that you knew we'd all stop." Changbin says sighing again.

Jisung nods at Changbin. "Good." Changbin says and kisses Jisung in front of you. You didn't mind it though. It was always a sight to see. A sight that was welcomed.

It didn't help your thoughts though when Jisung whined when Changbin pulled away. Changbin laughed at the desperate male.

"I think Y/N wants to play with you." Changbin says and Jisung pleading eyes meet yours.

"You'll let her right?" Changbin says and Jisungs eyes never leave yours.

He opens his mouth then closes it. He opens it again. "Please play with me. I'll be a good boy." Jisung says and it catches you off guard but not for long because Jisung kisses your neck.

"Please." Jisung whispers kissing your neck again. He pulls away from you waiting for you to say something.

"Of course I'll play with you." You say running a hand through his already messy hair. He whines and grinds up against you. He lets out a whimper as your mouth meets his neck sucking on it gently.

"Please." Jisung says as you leave another hickey.

"She's not a mind reader Ji. You have to tell her what you want." Changbin says from beside you.

"Want her- her hand around- around my cock. Please." Jisung says rolling his hips into you again.

You pull away from his neck. "Of course I will." You say going to Jisungs pants.

You pull his pants down and release his cock from his boxers and Jisung whimpers as your cold fingers wrap around his cock.

He moaned as you brought a finger over his slit collecting the precum. You let go of his cock and you bring your hand to his cock ready to taste him but Changbin grabs your hand.

He smirks at you and brings your finger to his lips. You let out a soft moan at the way Changbin licks your finger. Changbin pulls off and he kisses your lips.

Jisung whines getting both your attention back on him. You and Changbin look at him.

"Don't be a greedy slut. You take what we give you." Changbin says and Jisung pouts.

"You should be thanking us." Changbin says to him. His hand going to Jisungs hair.

He knows Changbins right. His boyfriends are always right.

"I'm sorry for being a greedy slut. Thank you." Jisung says weakly. With Jisungs apology and thanks you take his cock in your hand again.

Jisung whimpers as you stroke his cock. It's been a while since Jisung was last played with so he was going to let you and Changbin use him however you pleased.

He lets out a moan as you continue stroking his cock. You never understood how cocks could be pretty and yet from the ones you've seen their incredibly pretty.

Jisung was getting close and fast. Maybe it's because his boyfriend watching him get a handjob from someone else. Maybe it's the fact your hand just feels too good. Maybe it's because Jisung hasn't been played with in almost a month. But whatever it is it's got Jisung about to cum all over your hand.

His breathing gets heavier and he's rutting into your hand at this point.

"In such a short amount of time you're so close Ji? You must've really wanted Y/N to stroke your pretty cock." Changbin says and Jisung arches his back into your hold. Cumming all over your hand. His eyes roll back and he doesn't think he's cummed this hard before.

You stroke him through his orgasm as he finally goes limp and his eyes are back on you. He whines at the overstimulation and you pull off.

"You did so good Ji." You say and Jisung really likes hearing you say that.

"Did so good for me and Binnie." You say and Changbin watches in amazement at how you try consoling the boy after his orgasm.

You watch as Jisungs heavy breathing calms. "Let me get you some paper towels." Changbin says but you shake your head. Instead you bring your fingers to your mouth and lick off Jisungs release.

Changbins cock tightens in his pants at the little show you put on.

"Well that's one way to do it." Changbin says and you finish licking off Jisungs release. You get off of Jisung while Changbin goes to grab paper towels for Jisung.

You run a hand through Jisungs hair. "Thank you." Jisung says post orgasm.

"Don't thank me. I wanted to." You say and Changbin comes back in. He whimpers as Changbin cleans his cock off.

"You did so good." Changbin says reassuring his boyfriend reminding him of what you said.

Changbin finishes cleaning him off.

Jisung tucks himself back into his sweatpants. You look at Changbin and can see his hard on.

"I'm okay. Maybe another day. It's late you guys need to get to bed." Changbin says running a hand through his hair.

You sigh knowing that your body seems a lot heavier. You nod and that's when Changbin walks off to the bathroom throwing away the napkins and had a feeling he'd be a minute situating the trouble in his pants.

You lean into the couch. Jisung lays his head on you. "Thank you. Not just for that. For everything." Jisung says and you nod.

"It's no problem Ji." You say.

"I really hope one day, sooner rather than later, my boyfriends realize how amazing you are. All of them and they realize you'd make the perfect girlfriend." Jisung says sleepily.

"Thank you Ji." You say chuckling. Not before long Jisung is asleep. You follow right after him.

Changbin walks back into the living room. He looks at both you and Jisung and he's in awe at watching you two just like he was earlier coming into see you guys asleep against each other. It felt good.

They all wanted you more than they'd like to admit. You wanted them just as bad.

He knew you fit perfectly in his little family and he loved that. Loved the idea of you being with him and the others. Yet he knew it was just too soon.

But that didn't stop him from sitting on the couch and going to sleep. Dreaming about you in their lives.

Taglist: @queenmea604 @lolareadsimagines @tinyworld18 @liv302 @jinniespuppy @stephy-nicole13 @haikyuuisposts @freyaniobe @chansbabygirlsstuff @jkookiejiminlvr @hyuneyeon @aerisho @sirenthalia @nagadiluc @tenshimara @leeknowleeknow @boi-bi-ahaha @shltsnglggles @jfkedldndkd

#skz smut #stray kids smut #poly skz #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #changbin smut #jisung smut #skz jisung smut

[appocalipse]

Idk if you're still doing that prompt list but "sick" or scenario 13 with Steve would be 🥹🥹

i wasn't going to do it anymore, but...reading those prompts gave me an idea so i decided to try ♥ i kinda mixed them together

[SICK; Trying not to look but helping them out of their clothes when they’re physically unable to, both of them so close together. ]

"Steve," you had called, worry eating at you. Halfway to the front door, he'd turned and looked at you over his shoulder. And so, even though you knew the answer, even though you hated the answer he would inevitably give you, you'd asked, "Do you have someone to take care of you?"

And that's how, you remind yourself, you ended up where you are now — moments away from helping him out of his clothes.

The thought seems alarming, but there's nothing romantic or sexual about it.

Or at least there shouldn't be.

"Here," you say, touching the hem of his sweater with shaky hands, hoping he doesn't notice your inexplicable uneasiness. "Let me help you."

Steve lets you. He's a much better patient than you are a nurse, you think. But the reason you're here, helping him out of his uncomfortable clothes so he can hopefully catch some sleep is pretty valid: he's broken his right arm, and as if it wasn't bad enough there is also a cut on the left side of his abdomen, just below the ribs, big enough he'd needed 8 stitches to close it.

In his defense, the car crash hadn't been his fault. 

The sweater is gone after what seems like an eternity of careful movements and apologies at every slightest hint that Steve was in pain (although he'd assured you the whole time that it's okay, it's okay, I'm fine), but in the end, you're successful. How the people at the hospital had managed to get those clothes on him so quickly is an absolute mystery to you. 

You breathe a sigh of relief, a small burden lifted from your shoulders. You don't even have to look to know that Steve is beaming. The fact that he is so calm through it all is even more maddening to you.

Next up is his t-shirt. 

The cycle of nervousness starts all over again when your fingers find the hem of his shirt and you start to lift it up, exposing a small sliver of skin, then a bit more...

Steve says your name and it's the first thing he says after many minutes of being silent, so you lift your head to look at him without a second thought. 

"Breathe," he says, certainly not without kindness but with an unmistakable amount of amusement in his tone as well.

He's too close. Almost nose to nose, a hairsbreadth of distance between your face and his.

And yes, as much as it bothers you to admit it, Steve is right — you were holding your breath without realizing it.

He bites his lip to hide a smile. "That's not funny," you chide, though you're trying to contain your own smile.

"You're nervous."

"You had eight stitches and broke an arm."

"Sorry."

"It wasn't your fault," you say, because it wasn't, although he probably isn't apologizing for that specifically.

Steve always drives carefully and responsibly, most likely because there's almost always one of the kids in the backseat of his car. The problem that caused the accident was some malfunction in the car, something you hadn't quite understood because all you could really think about since you found out that Steve had crashed the car was him; if he would be okay, if you'd be able to see him, if he'd be in pain. Most of the explanations got lost on the way from your ears to your brain.

"I meant I'm sorry for calling you," says Steve, and for the first time he sounds serious, almost embarrassed. "From the hospital. They tried my parents first, but they-"

"-are idiots," you say, with more contempt than you probably should let on. Then you realize how rude that probably sounded like. "Sorry, I-I shouldn't have said that. They're still your parents and-"

To your surprise, Steve laughs — a low, small chuckle that barely lasts a second, and even so it's enough to make him wince, probably feeling pain. Fortunately, it passes quickly. "No, no, you're right. I was going to say they're out of town as always, but you're right. They are idiots."

You smile.

The feeling that took over you the moment you'd arrived at the hospital to see Steve and realized that he was there, alone, was indescribable. He was alone in there as if he had no family. As if nobody cared about him. 

Maybe it was for the better that his parents didn't show up until now, you think. You're not quite sure what you would have said or done if they had appeared in front of you.

Great. Now there's a lump in your throat. 

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Steve would have shrugged if he wasn't injured, you're sure. "I'm used to taking care of myself, it's no big deal."

"Well, you can forget about that," you say firmly. Because I'm going to take care of you from now on, you hope he understands.

He doesn't say anything. It doesn't seem like he's able to, you realize. But, in his silence, Steve understands; he understands so well that he cannot express his gratitude in words, his affection. He hopes that you will be able to read it in his eyes.

Back to your task, you take a deep breath, looking away from his face to where your hands are gripping the fabric tightly. You help him pull his shirt over his head very slowly, very carefully. 

If Steve feels any pain, he doesn't let it show. It wouldn't be the first time, but you hope it's not the case, hope he's not in pain anymore, that he feels he can be vulnerable in front of you. Everyone needs to be at some point.

There's not much else to look at than Steve's now exposed chest, although you do your best not to stare. The flush creeping up your cheeks betrays you, though, and now there's only one piece of clothing remaining. 

Steve is wearing jeans. You can't sleep in jeans, can you?

"You don't sleep with a shirt on, do you?" you ask, wondering if he'd like something else to wear.

"No," he says. "No pants either."

Your mind freezes for a brief second. Probably not your brightest moment. "Do you want me to- I mean-"

You're far from a doctor, but it doesn't seem like a good idea for him to bend over to take off his own pants when he's had that many stitches.

"Are you asking me if I want you to take my pants off?" Steve is making a huge effort not to smirk, you can tell.

How can he be so relaxed?

Somehow what comes out of your mouth is, "I promise I won't look."

"I don't mind if you do."

A shiver runs down your spine and you feel what can only be described as butterflies in your stomach, something wonderful and unnerving at the same time. Your gaze meets his and you try to sound convincing as you say, with your chin held up, "Stop messing with me, Harrington."

"But I like messing with you."

"Oh my God-" you let out something between a sigh and a small laugh. "I hate you."

"You love me."

And then, it's like your mouth works on its own.

"I do," you find yourself saying.

And, as expected, silence follows. Steve looks shocked. This silence seems to last a lifetime, to stretch out impossibly longer — it's an everlasting torture. You didn't mean to drop the l-bomb on him like this, didn't mean to say the words even though you knew them to be true. He probably did too, but hearing it out loud is a different thing entirely.

Steve's mind is a mess.

Did you mean it as a friend?  he wonders.

Did you mean it as something else?

Did you mean it at all?

Then…

Does it change how I feel?

No.

"I love you too."

Unlike you, Steve sounds firm, certain. Like it's a decision. Like he is ready for it to change everything between you two or nothing at all if that's what you want.

"I would do all of this for you too, if you were in my place," he continues…and then he frowns, as if something unpleasant just occurred to him. "Actually, please never be in my place- I don't even want to think about you in pain. Okay?"

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington oneshot #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington angst #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fic #steve harrington #stranger things fanfic #fanfiction #stranger things drabble #steve harrington drabble #steve harrington blurb #stranger things oneshot #stranger things imagine #stranger things #can i ever stay away from this blog? no I can't

[gaymansruse]

Can you do a between childhood friends and lovers request for Steve Harrington set after season 2 where Steve and the Henderson!reader finally get together when Steve’s parents unexpectedly come home and after dismissively asking who she is, they reveal that Steve had a crush on her in second grade after they find them "studying" (aka hanging out) at his house?

𝒎 𝒆 𝒎 𝒐 𝒓 𝒊 𝒆 𝒔 || 𝘴.𝘩

Steve Harrington x Henderson!reader Summary → You and Steve reminisce about the past and then his parents come home and spill one of his biggest secrets.

Word Count → 1.1k+ Requested → yes Inbox → open

A/n || I don't know if i executed this in the way you wanted, and I'm sorry it took me so long to do it, but I really hope you like it, as always criticism is welcome. Happy reading! <3

➽─────────────────────────────────────────❥

After everything that you and the gang had been through, you and Steve decided it would be a great idea to just have a night to yourselves just like the good old days.

No worrying about monsters, or creepy dimensions. Just the two of you, eating junk food and watching crappy movies. And that's exactly what you'se did.

You were currently seated on Steve's living room couch and he was in the kitchen making some popcorn for the both of you. The TV was playing whatever channel his parents left it on this morning, and was currently acting as background noise for the both of you.

Steve had made some dumb pun about popcorn, and you wheezed your lungs out as if it was the most hilarious thing ever.

He made his way back to the living room, and plopped down next to you with a steaming bowl of popcorn in his hand. "You know, I've missed hanging out, like just us, no babysitting and no Robin making fun of me for having no dates." Steve said looking at you with a small glint in his eye.

"Yeah, but it'll never be the same from back when we were kids."

"You're right, neither of us are stupid enough to steal ten candy bars for our movie nights anymore."

You gasped, remembering when you'se were twelve. "Oh my god! I remember that."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Stevie we shouldn't be doing this.. what if we get caught?" You whined quietly close behind steve as he snuck through the aisles, looking for his desired snack.

"Shh you big baby, we won't get caught, and if we do I'll take all the blame anyway." He reasured you.

"You better not be lying, or I swear to God, I'll stuff those candies down your throat Steven."

Steve had stuffed about eight of the bars down his pants and handed two over to you to stuff up your sleeves. You two were both headed to the door when none other than Cheif Hopper stepped in your way. "And where do you think you two are going?"

You and Steve both gulped. You were about to start lying your ass off but it seems Steve had other plans. "It was all [y/n]'s idea, they forced me to do it, they even threatened me!" Steve shouted at him.

Your mouth hung open as he shifted all the blame to you.

"You lying bi-"

──��� ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"You still haven't apologised for that by the way!"

"I shouldn't have to, we got away with just a warning anyway."

"Harrington I swear to God, if you don't apologise for it right now I'll suffocate you with the pillows."

"I have nothing to apologise for." He said confidently

"You can't be serious," You shifted your whole body to look over at him. "I got in trouble from not just by my mum, but Hopper came by my house to tell me off too. I think that warrants an apology."

"Nope, no I don't think so, cause from what I recall, I did end up saying it was pay back."

"Pay back for what exactly?"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You and Steve were walking along Lovers Lake, it was a muggy day and you'se both just wanted to cool down.

"Stevie, what's the point in being here if we aren't going swimming?"

"It's cooler near the water, and you never said you wanted to go for a swim."

"Well if I had known we'd be going to the lake today, I would've bought my swimmers."

"Well that's just too bad for you isn't it?"

if looks could kill, Steve would be six feet under right now. That is until you got a brilliant idea. You walked closer to Steve, he was walking on the edge of the lake meaning you'd have more leverage. I'm sure you can see where this is going.

You grabbed both his shoulders and forced him to face you, "Hey Stevie I have something really important to tell you and you can't tell anyone, okay?" He nodded his head quickly and you leaned in close to him as if you were about to tell him a secret. But at the very last moment you pushed your hands infront of you and he was caught off guard. Stumbling then falling into the water below him.

He looked up at you in shock, what you didn't realise however was the mischievous glint in his eyes. While you were busy laughing, Steve had grabbed your leg and pulled you into the shallow water with him.

"Steve!"

"What? It's pay back."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"You had already gotten pay back that same day! Which means you still owe me an apology."

"Shit I forgot I did that."

"Mhm," You were looking at him with that same look five years ago. "Now where's my apology Harrington?"

"Hey, don't last name me, [L/n]." He said, voiced laced in sarcasm. "And fine, I'm totally, and utterly sorry that I shifted the blame to you little miss goody two shoes."

"Real mature Stevie boy, but that apology wasn't good enough, thus I don't forgive you."

" 'Thus'? What are you Shakespear?"

"By God you really are stupid."

"Hey! I'm not stupid.. You're stupid."

"Fine, if I can't get a proper apology and I'm being insulted then I'm not sharing the pizza I ordered for us." You obviously didn't mean it, you weren't exactly hungry enough to be eating an entire pizza tonight, but you needed some leverage.

Steve opened his mouth to speak but his parents ended up walking in through the front door and greeted him, before they turned toward you. "Steve who is this, I wasn't aware you were going to be having a guest over."

"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Harrington, I'm [Y/n]." You greeted them with a wave.

"Ah so you're the famous [Y/n], Steve's told us so much about you. I didn't know you two were having a date tonight, Stevie why didn't you tell us? We would have come home later."

"Date? Mrs. Harrington me and Steve aren't dating." You laughed awkwardly. "We're just friends."

"Well with all the things he's told us about you, we assumed you two had started dating."

"Okay mum, that's enough. You and dad should head upstairs, we'll keep the noise down."

"Oh well it was lovely to finally meet you dear."

"It was lovely to meet you'se too!"

"Use protection." His father said pointing at Steve. Did he just miss that entire conversation?

His parents headed upstairs and you held in a laugh until you heard their bedroom door close.

"So ugh, you talk about me, huh?"

"Yeah I guess I do," He said awkwardly. "Actually I did wanna talk about something with you tonight."

"Yeah?"

"I've ugh, I've had a bit of a crush on you since you tripped in front of me when we were nine."

"Oh I'm well aware Harrington."

"W-what?"

"You're like an open book, and you suck at hiding your emotions, it's always written on your face."

"Why did you never say anything?"

"Oh my god just shut up and ask me out already."

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#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington smut #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington fanfic #stranger things fic #stranger things #steve harrington x gn reader #steve harrington x male reader #joe keery x reader

[sebastianstansqueen]

Where Do We Go from Here 13

A/N:Okay here is the end of our wonder full advnture, I am Hyped up on day quill cough drops and other stuff any ways here you go!, either send an ask or comment on this or click on Taglist open.

Wordcount: 1,430

Warnings:  Fluff, I think that is all actually

Masterlist // Series Masterlist // Taglist open// Spotify Playlist

Tags: @cherryblossomsky - - @babylooneytoonz - @wonderlandfandomkingdom - @miraclesoflove - @amelia-song-pond - @leyannrae - @avengerlex - @pineprincess - @nik2writes - @dorothea-hwldr - @rosie-posie08 - @scxrletrecsmarvel - @elizacusi-blog - @valhalla-kristin - @chloe-skywalker- @foulpersonahandsvoid - @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer - @esposadomd

Nine months ago after the trial Bucky wanted to have the actual wedding almost right after it, but you’d stopped him by telling him that was going to happen and that you were going to need time and you wanted to be hands on while planning the wedding.  Now here you were nine months later, winter hit New York, and today was the day you’d have the wedding with Bucky, to everyone other than Steve and the rest of Bucky’s men, you and Bucky were getting married today, not even his parents knew so there was still a great deal of excitement surrounding the event. 

You’d woken up early, Bucky wasn’t next to you but you assumed he was working or on an early morning run. You got ready to head to the venue to help set up and make sure everything was where it needed to be, your phone pinged, a text from Winnifred popped up, she’s been trying to convince you to not go and help prepare but you were stubborn, and not eve your soon to be mother in law was going to stop you from going to help, she claimed that you shouldn't be stressed but you didn’t mind. 

You walked into the large closet that was filled with both yours and Bucky’s clothes, you put on a pair of black leggings and an oversized crewneck, with sneakers, you headed down stairs to the kitchen to make some toast and then be on your way, but when you came down you found Bucky working on a Pancake, eggs, and Bacon breakfast. He must have heard you then he looked over his shoulder. “Good morning sweetheart.” He smiled. 

“Morning, what's up with all of this?” You asked, looking around at the food that was already done.

“A wedding day breakfast.” He shrugged. 

“Uh hu, Your mom didn’t have anything to do with this did she?” You questioned. 

Bucky looked at you. “A hundred percent not, she only told me that you wanted to go and set up for the wedding, to which I said I got it, and then I worked on an amazing breakfast to have with my wife.” 

“Bucky, thank you, I did want to set up tho.” You sighed. 

Bucky shrugged. “It's fine, you don't need to worry about setting up, also you look gorgeous, and you could wear that instead of the dress.” 

You laughed. “It looks like you learned flattery will get you everywhere, and no I bought that dress, it was expensive.” 

Bucky nodded. “I know, but It was a great way to call you gorgeous.” 

You rolled your eyes. “I hope you know after we eat I'm going to help.”

“Aw but I had a surprise.” He pouted. 

“As much as I love you and your surprises, you can give me it later.” You smirked. “Also if you think having sex is going to make me not want to help you are rong my dear.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “Besides, this next coming month is going to be just that, basically.” 

Bucky had tossed and turned all night long, becoming impatient not being able to wait to be married to Y/n, who seemed to be sleeping peacefully next to him. Once 6:00 rolled around Bucky was out of bed, he got out of bed and walked into the closet then he got dressed in a pair of sweats, tennis shoes and a hoodie. He went for a run, and when his ringtone came though the earbuds he had in he answered it. “Hello?” 

“James, good morning.” His mom said on the other end. 

His brows furrowed and he checked the time seeing that it was 6:39. “What are you doin’ up ma’?” 

“I woke up early. I'm excited for you, anyways, try and distract her, from coming to the venue early, it’ll stress her out and then that will bleed into the wedding, and then-” She was cut off by her son. 

“Mom I got it, no stress for Y/n.” He replied. “Alright, I love you, I’ll see you later.” 

“Bye, Love you too.” She replied and then the call ended. 

Bucky headed back home, before heading back home, when he got back he took off his shoes, and his hoodie, then he went to the kitchen to make breakfast for both of them. Bucky heard Y/n come down. 

He turned to look at her and softly said.“Good morning sweetheart.” Soon after Y/n guessed that his mom spoke with him, and he shrugged it off. After he was done with making the last part of the food, then they sat down to eat. After finishing Y/n left, to the venue, however Bucky did send a text to his mom warning her about Y/n heading her way. 

You got to the venue around 8:26, and started to work and  Winnifred was giving you the mundane tasks, and when you’d go off to do something different and a bit more she’d step in to stop you. Eventually Bucky, and his groomsmen, and your bridesmaids showed up around 2:00, two hours before the ceremony, you went up to where you were going to get ready. Upstairs, it was now chaotic with everyone running around and getting dressed doing their makeup and hair. 

Bucky was getting ready, when Steve walked into the room with a panicked expression, Bucky looked at his friend with furrowed brows. “I can't find my pants anywhere.” Steve said to his friend. 

Bucky blinked a few times in disbelief at what his friend told him. “Steve you better be fucking around right now.” 

Steve shook his head. “I’m not, I've looked everywhere.” 

“Do you have any ones similar at your house?” Bucky asked, Steve shook his head. “Oh, my god, okay uh go grab one of Y/n’s bridesmaids, make sure Y/n doesn't find out.”

Steve walked over and knocked on the door where Natasha answered. “Hmm?” She hummed, before shutting the door behind her. 

“I can’t find my pants.” He told her. 

Her jaw clenched. “Look, we in our little universe of a dressing room are trying to figure out our own issue. We are having you, Bucky and all that in your universe of a dressing room.” She walked in and shut the door in his face. 

Steve rushed back to the men's dressing room. “Natasha won't help, apparently they have their own issues in there.”

“Oh my god, alright, is the store open?” Bucky asked. 

Steve looked it up on his phone. “It’s opened.” 

“Go get some new pants.” Bucky ushered him out. 

Moreover, you were panicking because the dress didn’t fit like it had before, and now everyone was running around to find a solution, it was stuck around your stomach, you thought war was breaking out. “Okay let's try sliding it again.” Natasha said. 

When that didn’t work again, you looked at them. “Okay did we loosen the strings all the way?” 

“We could loosen them a little bit more.” Said one of your friends from childhood. 

You nodded for them to do it, eventually they were able to get the dress on, and you were able to move on. 

Steve eventually came back with black pants, instead. “What’s this?” Bucky asked.

“Look man this is all they had at the last minute, they didn’t have the green pulse, the black will match the top at least.” Steve explained. 

Then the planner came up, and knocked on the door. “Soon you guys need to head down.” She warned him. 

“Okay.” Bucky answered, then turned to Steve. “Get them on.” 

 Bucky walked down and stood at the end of the aisle, then the song you chose for everyone to walk down to started. The groomsmen, and Bridesmaids walked down first, then your friend's daughter, then you last, you walked slowly with a bouquet in hand, slowly moving down. 

As she stood across from him the priest started his talk, and You and Bucky stated your vows, and then the reception started, you and Bucky sat to eat the dinner, and champagne was poured, and then your first dance was announced, you and Bucky danced close Bucky looked down at you with a soft smile. “You haven't touched the champagne that you insisted on having over hard liquor.” He joked lightly.

You  smiled. “Yeah, I may have found out earlier when my dress wasn't going on properly, that I am pregnant.” Bucky’s eyes widened, and he picked her up in joy, and spun her around. 

#mob au bucky x reader #mob! bucky x reader #mob bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader mob au #mob bucky x reader #mob!sebastian #mafia!bucky x reader #mafia!bucky #mafia romance #mafia bucky x reader #bucky x reader fluff

[yandere-kittee]

Nathan(Male Yandere x Gender Neautral!Reader)

Contains: Stalking (Reader stalks Nathan)

Reader desperately tries to find out more about Nathan to know him better.

Nathan has a very hard time making friends because of his actions and background, his sister works as a stripper to make money, his parents are divorced and he has a weird hobby of taking pictures of dead animals (May it be flesh or bones).

He's a big weirdo that students from his school avoid.

But not you.

You had met Nathan in an alleyway, you'd just moved into town and was walking your way to school when you noticed something weird move in a dark alleyway, focusing on the object, you noticed it was a human.

In mere curiosity, you approached him.

He was all beaten up, red liquid dripped from his nose, there was some discoloration on his arms and on the side of his cheek and his lip was busted open with blood on it.

You were worried because he was all beaten up and he was your age, so you had wanted to help him and cleaned him up best to your knowledge.

You didn't want to pry since you didn't know him that well and sticking your nose into his business, so after treating him you had left him and continued to walk to school.

Nathan has never encountered someone who was nice to him aside from his own family, let alone a stranger.

It felt.

Strange.

The next time you met Nathan, it was during lunch a week after your encounter, it was one of those days Nathan decides to eat in the cafeteria instead of an empty classroom, the table he sat on was empty because people didn't want to sit next to him.

Boys would only approach from time to time and ask if he could hook them up with his sister, obviously he would always end up saying no, he's not going to prostitute his own sister, besides, she deserves better than them and working at her current job.

Though she enjoys it because her co workers are nice and she gets payed alot sometimes when it's not a slow day.

Nathan was surprised when someone had not only approached him, but had also sat across from him, when he looked up, it was the teen that helped treat his wounds, you.

"Hi! I hope you don't mind I sit here? I'm [Name] by the way!" You smiled at him.

Nathan stared at you speechless, he could feel his heart leap out of his chest when you smiled at him so kindly.

Unbeknownst to you, Nathan could feel the many stares of different students as they stared at the new kid who sat across from the schools resident weirdo.

Their stares felt disgusting on his skin when they whispered and talked amongst each other seemingly judging you both, Nathan mostly.

You had wanted to sit next to Nathan because he looked so lonely sitting all by himself during lunch where all the other tables had students sitting and talking with each other, you pitied him so you made the first move and tried to befriend him by approaching him first.

You were the new kid, so you were unaware of Nathan's background or character, so instead of letting the other students words persuade you, you try to get to know him better on your own.

Though, Nathan easily pushes you away and avoid you because he's afraid of your reaction to him if you ever found out more about him.

It first started when you would randomly appear when he was trying to read in the library in the corner on his own, plopping onto the seat next to him and asking him about the book he was reading.

Nathan was overwhelmed by the situation, because it seemed like everywhere he went he could feel a pair of eyes on him.

You stared down on your notebook at you read your notes on Nathan, you were so to say obsessed with trying to be his friend that you tried to get as much information of him you can get your hands on, ranging from what the other students say, things in his social media account and about his family.

You weren't bothered at all, you felt like you should be but you were stalking the guy so you shouldn't be the one to talk.

~♥~

That is it, I hope you enjoyed my first post! Anyways, more content like this will come out so follow for more! (｡’▽’｡)♡

picrew link.

#Yandere oc #Yandere scenarios #Yandere blog #Male Yandere #Yandere x reader #Yandere character #Original character

[humanoidalien27]

Ancient Magic and Parseltongue

The continuation of the "Pureblood Muggle". I hope you like it as much as the first one.

Content Warning: There is death in this chapter, I apologize.

....

Chapter One

Not Over Yet

      A soft laugh blew air over your ear as you gave a stretch of your paws. "I do like spending days like this," Ominis whispered, nudging against your head. "Me too," you admitted with sleep settling over your mind again. You had chosen an area not far from the castle, but secluded so no one would see a house cat lounging with a leopard. Though you both took the forms of cats, they were vastly different. "It's nice not having worries or years worth of homework to do." He chuckled. "I can imagine." You peaked out from under your lids, seeing him smelling the air as he tensed. "Sebastian's prowling again?" "He's nearby, but I think he's learned his lesson about scaring you while you sleep." You huffed as you moved your head to lay across his paw. "It's his own fault." "Was not. You shouldn't have clawed me that deeply!" His voice drifted your way, getting you to look over seeing the silver fox just before he was tackled by the red one. "You shouldn't have said anything," Anne teased, bouncing away from her brother and sat down next to Natty. "You lose. You owe us a butterbeer." "That's not fair, I was defending myself!" Sebastian looked towards you. "You're helping me buy them." "No, I'm not. I just wanted to relax in the sun. You wanted to play hunter/prey." Poppy raced over, breathing heavily. "Professor Fig," she started almost wheezing, but she said enough. You climbed up to your feet and shifted, getting her to sigh. "Is he hurt?" She shook her head as the Sallow twins, Natty and Ominis shifted. "He needs to talk to you." You didn't wait for more information, before you raced off towards the school, your friends trailing behind you. Your time as animals had given you opportunity to explore the area well and an agility to avoid tripping over vines and branches. Too many things could have gone wrong. The repository, your father, Ominis's parents. It was better to get the information quickly. Fig was waiting at the castle gates with an official looking man and Sharp. "Ah, here she is." You slowed to a walk, noticing their eyes turn to you. "What's this about?" The man you didn't know, clocked your friends, before speaking. "May we speak in private?" "Uh?" Fig gave you a smile, motioning for you to follow. "We can use my office." Sharp stopped your friends from following, which made you look back worriedly, seeing them mirroring it.

      For added security, the man you didn't know placed a spell on the room to prevent people from listening in. "Am I in trouble?" Fig shook his head, a small smile showing on his face. "This man is Richard Jordon, an auror," Sharp mentioned. The man taking it as his que to begin, he took a step towards you. "We're having a problem with a Hamlet, I'm sure you're familiar with, Feldcroft. Specifically in Rookwood castle." Confused, you glanced to Fig. "What does this have to do with me?" "We can't see the cause of the destruction, but I know you can see things others can't. We think you might be able to help us." "Destruction?" "Rookwood castle had been destroyed and sucked up completely. It's eating its way towards the town." Your eyes bugged. "I can definitely see how that's a problem." "I need you to go to that town and stop it if you can. It's protected by aurors right now and they have been able to slow it enough for us to evacuate the towns people." "When do you think it's best to leave?" "As soon as possible. So please, get ready quickly." "I'd like to go with her," Fig said quickly as you headed towards the door. "Very well." When you opened it, you saw three figures outside, hidden by the disillusionment charm. You hurriedly shut the door. "Such nosey friends I have," you teased as you headed down the stairs. "Are you in trouble?" Ominis asked, breaking his spell. "No, there's just an issue in one of the Hamlet's the aurors think I can help with," you answered quickly leading them from the room. "So, they came here to request your help?" Sebastian asked, earning a sharp shushing. "What? This has to be huge. What's really going on?" "I'm going to talk to the keepers. They may have more insight."

       They followed you down. Anne, who hadn't been down in the map chamber, looked around in awe. "I was wondering when we'd see you. Charles told us about the destruction of his castle." "What?!" Sebastian asked stepping closer to see your face. "Sebastian, please. I'm trying to find this out too. I will explain everything." His heckles soothed so you looked to the keepers. "Can our magic go unstable after long periods?" "Not as far as we know, but the magic at Rookwood castle had been tampered with by Ranrock. There's no way of knowing if he missed one and broke it's container," Percival answered. "If it is, I can't imagine the devastation it'll cause." "According to the auror, it's taken Rookwood castle and slowly heading towards Feldcroft," you said, with Sebastian trying to step forward again, but was held back by Anne. "They're taking me there once I'm ready." "What?" Ominis took your other side, his brows pinched. "It's too dangerous." "If I don't go, it'll take out Feldcroft. The aurors are slowing it and have evacuated the town." He made a small noise to let you know he didn't like this idea, but didn't press it. "It does seem ancient magic is the probable cause of the disruption, but we won't know for sure until you visit and tell us," Bakar replied, getting you to sigh and nod. "You're not going alone!" Ominis said, quickly catching your wrist. "This could be a trap as much as it could be ancient magic." "Ominis-" "You already told us where to go. We will go there and wait for you to show up. There's a floo network right outside," Sebastian said as Anne nodded. Grumbling, you nodded. "Fine, meet us in Feldcroft and don't let anyone see or hear you." Ominis squeezed your wrist, before following the twins out of the chamber. "Let's hope none of us get hurt." "Your friends are capable," Nimah replied, smiling at their retreating backs. "Besides, they could be what saves your life in the end. It's best to let these things run their course." You huffed as you turned to leave. "Good luck!" They called after you.

       Richard apperated you and Fig to Feldcroft, seeing a large dome of magic being held by many different aurors, but what was worse was the angry swirl of magic violently thrashing just inside it. "By your expression, I'm guessing they were on point?" Fig asked, grabbing Richard's attention. "Oh, yeah. It's not as bad as Isadora's, but its still substantial." You nearly jumped when you felt a hand slip into yours. "Let's go, but out of safety for the Hamlet, we can only keep the barrier open for a few seconds," Richard said as he led the way towards the large dome. "Do you want me to go with you?" Fig asked, glancing at you. "No. No one should follow me in. There's no guarantee it wouldn't hurt someone who did." Fig nodded, but the hold on your hand tightened, silently defiant. You moved closer, feeling the hand let go. "Alright, ready?" You nodded, taking a deep breath as Richard pointed his wand at the barrier, creating a hole large enough for you to fit through. You moved in, your hair immediately swirling due to the wind the magic was making. You looked back as the barrier closed, Fig's worry made you smile sadly. "I'll be okay." He gave a nod and smiled the best he could as you turned and began towards the crater. You slid down the side, trying to be careful, but you hit into something soft and warm. "Are you okay?" Ominis asked, the disillusionment charm falling, quickly followed by Sebastian and Anne's. "What are you doing in here? Didn't you hear what I said-" "Given what happened last time, I wasn't going to let you come in here alone," Ominis clarified, helping steady you when you slipped on rubble. "And we're just nosey," Sebastian teased, but the smile fell when he saw how terrified you were. "You're turning into a teacher. We can defend ourselves." "I wasn't-" "You came in here thinking you weren't going to survive this, didn't you?" Anne asked, getting both boys to look in your direction. "What?" Ominis asked softly, his voice trembling. "Did you-" "No, not die. But, you can't see the magic that's swirling around our heads. It's strong." Sebastian nodded. "Which is why having back up is important. We can protect you while you do your thing." You couldn't exactly expect the aurors to let them out, it would be devastating. "Fine, but just keep protego at the ready. Please?" Keeping a hold on your hand, Ominis followed you, ready to protect you if needed as the twins trailed behind. You found the mass of magic by a broken repository. With Ominis beside you, Anne on the other and Sebastian at your back, you began to force it back into a cage. The strain making Ominis's hand tighten. The moment you had it enclosing, it exploded, shooting hot air your group, which Anne and Ominis instantly protego-ed. The air became thick, almost painful to breath as Ominis tried to cover your body with his as much as he could. Dust and smoke obscured anything outside the shields. Finally, when everything settled, you saw the repository was gone, but you were in the side of a cave. "Uh? What happened?" Sebastian asked, looking back at you. You shrugged. "This hasn't happened before." "Well, it could have caused it when you sealed the magic. But, let's go tell everyone the good news," Anne said, glancing around. You wanted to point out the magic was gone, but decided to just follow the group out of the cave, seeing no aurors, no Fig and no Hamlet, just a large empty field. "The air smells different," Ominis whispered as he held up his wand. "We don't know either," you admitted once you seen fear replace shock.

       Everything had changed, none of the villages were there anymore as you walked towards Hogwarts. "I've got a bad feeling," Ominis said as you noticed the Quidditch pitch was gone. "You're not the only one," you whispered as you pushed open the door to Hogwarts, seeing it deserted. "Okay?" Sebastian said, drawing the word out. "Where is...everything?" You continued towards the great hall, Ominis freezing for a second. "What's wrong?" "I hear voices, but none I recognize." Taking a deep breath, you pulled the door open, the noise drawing everyone's eyes to your group. Your eyes saw four figures where you've only seen in pictures. "Good lord," you whispered, instinctively taking a step back. "What?" Ominis asked. "We're about to meet Godric, Helga, Rowena and Salazar," you answered softly, as they headed towards you, getting Ominis to tense as you moved back from the door. 

       The four of you stood in front of the four of them. They were watching you closely, taking in your clothes and the snake patches on your robes that were similar to the green on Salazar's. "From a different school?" Godric asked. You nodded, grateful to Natty for telling you so much about her school and hoped they wouldn't question the lie. "From Uganda. Our parents were from here originally and had us out there due to no school. When they heard this one was starting, they transferred us." Salazar looked at each of his companions. "And you just happened to be dressed in robes we haven't given out yet and don't recognize?" "These are the kind of clothes in Uganda. They told us about the patches, they picked the ones they thought we'd be in." "We'll be the judges of that," Salazar replied standing up. "First, I want to know your family status." As if rehearsed, Godric, Helga and Rowena sighed together. "We're all purebloods," Sebastian said quickly. He started hissing, his eyes darting between all of you, his eyes landing on Ominis when he hissed back. Parseltongue, huh? I guess he would want to know that. "Very well, I'll take you in my house." He said that with such a tone that it made you shiver. "Follow me, I'll lead the way."

          You knew where it was, but you were surprised when he walked into it with you. The students waiting wore older style wool robes covering their tunics. "We're way over dressed," Anne whispered as Salazar swooped over to the middle of the room. "Now, to make things clear for our new students and to know what's required of you," he said waving his hand seeing a girl stand up, her eyes glowing green. "The Imperious curse," Anne whispered, horror clearly heard, making you grateful you were too far from the other students for them to hear it. Ominis unconsciously took a step closer to you. "Tell us your name," Salazar said, his voice dripping in venom. "And your blood status." "Amara Apollo. I'm a half blood." Ominis was now pressed into your side. "In this school we only accept purebloods. Your parents will get the message," he said pressing the tip of his wand to the girl's chest, pulling a glittering mist from her. You inhaled, drawing Salazar's attention as your eyes remained glued to her magic now stuck to his wand. He pressed it to his chest, stealing it as his eyes flickered. "Avada Kadavra!" The room flashed green and the girl fell to the floor as the room cheered. Salazar looked around at all the shocked faces of the new students, his eyes landing on you after you had fixed a neutral expression. He smirked as he moved closer. "Clean up this mess." He stopped in front of your group. "You're certainly welcomed in my house. I look forward to watching you grow." He left the common room, making you let out the breath you had been holding, as everyone else moved to go to their dormitory. "Poor girl," Anne whispered once the room was empty. "Why did he say that stuff to you?" Sebastian asked. "Salazar has ancient magic. He stole her magic before killing her." "Great, supercharged psychopath."

......

Next

#hogwarts legacy fanfic #hogwarts legacy #ominis gaunt #ominis x reader #ominis x you #ominis gaunt x you #ominis gaunt x reader #sebastian sallow #anne sallow #eleazar fig #salazar slytherin #godric gryffindor #helga hufflepuff #rowena ravenclaw

[stargazer-sims]

The Art of Redemption

(Part 4)

previous // next // story index

———

"How're you holding up, kid?"

Beth-Anne wraps both hands around the extra-large takeaway coffee cup and closes her eyes, concentrating on the soothing heat working its way into her fingers. She and Stan are in the corridor outside Nikolai's hospital room. It's eight in the morning, and the hospital staff have just finished bringing breakfast around to all the patients.

From inside the room, Beth-Anne can hear Ginger coaxing Nikolai to eat his oatmeal, "Because if you don't eat it, I will. Carbs be damned."

She sighs. "I'm okay, I guess."

"Now, remember who you're talking to," Stan says.

She lets another sigh escape, opens her eyes and raises her gaze to meet his. "I'm tired."

"You should go home and try to get some rest."

"I can't," she says. "I promised Nikolai I wouldn't leave him."

"Ginger and I can stay with him for a while. He won't be alone."

"But, what about Ginger's ice time?" she protests. "I mean, she qualified for Worlds. That date will be coming up faster than you realize."

"What do I always say? People before practice." He smiles. "That's why you asked me to get in touch with Brett and Mariah about their ice time today, isn't it?"

With a stab of guilt, she realizes she'd momentarily forgotten about Mariah and Brett. "I need to call them myself. I should apologize. And I'll have to call little Eden's parents too. He's got a thing next weekend that we're supposed to be getting ready for."

"You should call them," Stan agrees. "But, you shouldn't apologize. Just explain what's happening. They'll understand."

"Brett qualified for Junior Worlds," she says, half to herself. "Damn it! That's only—"

"Beth-Anne.” Stan holds up a hand. “Brain open, mouth closed."

"You haven't said that to me in..."

"A long time," he inserts quickly. "But it seems like you need it at the moment."

"You're right. I do."

"I put up a notice about your group lessons before I came over here, so that's taken care of," he says. "Now, listen to me for a minute. A missed day of training or two isn't going to hurt Brett at this point. If he's not ready for Junior Worlds by now, he's not ready for Junior Worlds. Understand?"

She nods. "I see what you mean."

"And if you're worried about me and Ginger, I can tell you a day off isn't going to harm her chances either. Besides, do you really think her heart would be in it today anyway, with her best friend in the hospital?"

"No, I suppose not," Beth-Anne concedes.

She sips her coffee. From behind the partially-closed door of the room, Nikolai's voice drifts out. "Ginger! Oh my God... stop. My hands still work, you know. I can feed myself."

This is followed by laughter from Ginger. "There. Mission accomplished! If I couldn't badger you into eating, I knew I could manipulate you into it."

Nikolai makes a strangled noise, as if he's trying not to laugh and inadvertently spit out a mouthful of oatmeal in the process. He sputters, coughs and then declares, "You are the living end, Vivienne Holmes."

She replies mildly, "Finish your breakfast, Nikolai."

Beth-Anne smiles, her worry easing slightly. Nikolai seems more like himself this morning, and it's clear that Ginger's presence is doing him good. He always seems to be happier and more relaxed when Ginger is around.

Perhaps Stan is right. Maybe it would be okay to leave for a couple of hours. She could go home, clean up the kitchen, and get the downstairs bedroom ready for Nikolai. She might even do a quick grocery run.

Peanut butter, she tells herself. She'll have to remember to get peanut butter when she goes to the supermarket. She rarely eats it herself, but Nikolai's taste for it has practically reached legendary status at this point, thanks in no small part to a handful of sports reporters at Skate America a few years back. The figure skating world had laughed collectively when a photo of Nikolai skating around at practice with a massive jar of peanut butter the girls had given him appeared in several online publications with the dubious tagline 'Peanormous'.

All Beth-Anne could do when she'd seen it was shake her head. The random nonsense regularly generated by Nikolai and his friends had been one of her biggest frustrations at the time. Now, she finds herself wishing for those times to come back. Some weird condiment-related publicity would be mild in comparison to what they're facing at the moment.

Beside her, Stan idly swirls his cold brew with the straw that's sticking out of it. Even in the dead of winter, he loves his cold drinks.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks.

"Too much, honestly," she answers. "How the hell did we get here? I mean, not that I begrudge Nikolai anything. I love him like he's mine, but how is it that I'm the one who's taking care of him? It's not as if his real family doesn't know what's going on. And where the fuck is Anya when he needs her?"

"You're angry," he observes.

"Damn straight," she says. 'Do you know, that woman had the audacity to kick me out of their house because she said I was hurting Nikolai? And then what does she do? She runs off and leaves him completely alone for three days. He fell down the goddamned stairs, Stan! Because she put his crutches upstairs and out of reach. And I'm supposed to be the one who's hurting him?"

Stan frowns. "That's not good."

"That's an understatement."

"Even so, you know it's none of your business. Their marital troubles, I mean."

"I think it became my business when he phoned me in the middle of the night, sobbing and telling me he didn't want to be here any more," she says. "I was terrified. I think I broke every speed limit on the way over there, and when I got there and saw the mess he was in and realized he was on his own—"

She has to stop and take a deep breath to calm herself. She's still not over what happened last night.

"Okay, yes. I suppose that part is your business now," Stan concedes. "But their marriage still isn't."

"You know what?" she says. "I honestly don't care about their marriage, if you can even call that fucked-up situation a marriage. Do I think he'd be better off if they weren't together? Hell yeah. And do I wish she'd stay far away from him? Yes I do, but I'm not going to interfere. I have enough on the go without intentionally looking for trouble."

"Good." Stan nods. "Stay out of it as much as you're able to. But just so you know, I think you're doing the right thing by taking him in."

"Thanks. It feels right."

"It's probably not going to do much for your love life, though."

Beth-Anne snorts and nearly spits out a mouthful of coffee. "Jesus, Stan! Where did that come from?"

"What?" His attempt at feigning innocence is an utter failure.

"You think I've had a woman in my bed lately? I'll probably have better luck catching one with Nik there than without him."

"Oh?" He quirks an eyebrow. "Came for the boy, stayed for the girl?"

She groans. "Oh my God. I know what comes next. Don't even say it."

He says it anyway, deadpan. "Came for the girl."

She laughs out loud. The emotional release is unexpected, and most of the tension leaves her body all at once. It feels good, but unfortunately it also clears the way for her to grasp exactly how wiped out she is. Suddenly, she wants nothing more than to go home, take a hot bath and then crawl into bed.

But, she can't do that. Not yet, anyway.

Stan is watching her. "Better?"

"Sort of. You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"I don't know why you have to ask," he says. "You know I did."

"Because you thought I needed it?"

"Didn't you?"

"How is it even possible that you know me better than I know myself?" she wonders aloud. "You always know what to do."

"Not always, but I try," he says. "So, what's your plan?"

"For right now, you mean?" she says. "If you or Ginger can stay here for a couple hours, I'll go home and straighten the place up a bit."

"Okay," he says. "I can stay, and I'm sure Ginger won't mind staying."

"Thanks."

"You want to go in and tell him now?"

"Yeah," she replies. "No time like the present, I guess."

When they enter the room, they find Nikolai and Ginger both sitting on the bed. He's finished his breakfast, and the two of them are huddled together, looking at a sports magazine Ginger brought for him. She'd obviously smuggled in some candy for him as well. The obnoxiously bright plastic bag is open and resting on the leg of one of them or the other. It's a little hard to tell exactly which, since they're so close to each other and Ginger is tucked under the thin hospital blanket too. Beth-Anne notices Ginger's shoes on the floor beside the bed.

Both skaters look startled and guilty when they notice their coaches' presence in the room. Ginger palms the bag of Jelly Fruit and attempts to conceal it beneath the blanket.

Stan clears his throat in a deliberate and exaggerated way. "Are we interrupting something here?"

This is met by an an awkward, "Uh..." from Nikolai.

Almost simultaneously, Ginger responds with, "Ah, no... not really?"

"You two have been trouble since the day I met you," Stan says, but there's no trace of annoyance or anger in his voice, only fondness and slight exasperation. "I hope you read the label before you started filling yourself with those sweets, Ginger."

Ginger holds up two fingers. "We've only had two pieces each. Right, Nik?"

Nikolai's voice says "Right," but his expression says something else entirely, and Beth-Anne doesn't need to be a mind reader to know both of them have had more than two candies each. Part of her wants to admonish Nikolai out of habit, but she lets it go. He can eat whatever he wants, now that he's not competing.

The reality of that hits her like a sudden punch in the gut, and she fights to keep from showing it on her face. She conjures up a smile somehow, and echoes Stan's sentiment. "Goddamned troublemakers, the pair of you."

"But you still love us, don't you?" Ginger says.

"Of course we do," says Stan. "But that doesn't mean you're not a pain in the ass. No more candy today. Understand?"

She grins at him. "There's always tomorrow."

Stan makes a gesture of surrender. "I give up."

There's movement under the blanket and then Nikolai's hand emerges with the bag of candy. "I guess the rest of these are mine."

He glances at Beth-Anne as if seeking permission, and she spreads her arms in the same way Stan had done. "I can't stop you, can I?"

"Boo," Ginger says. "You know those are my favourite."

"I'll owe you a bag," Nikolai tells her. "In the off-season, we'll sneak off somewhere and eat as much junk food as we want. I'll get you some of these, and I won't even make you share."

"We'll pretend we didn't hear that," Stan says.

There's an uncomfortable lull in the conversation following that. Nikolai and Ginger both understand the boundaries their coaches have set for them. He leans over and places the bag of candy on the tray table next to his empty breakfast dishes. As soon as he settles back into his original position. Ginger reaches for his hand, and they intertwine their fingers.

On the first day she'd met them, they'd done that after being scolded, Beth-Anne recalls. She can still picture them as they were back then, two hyperactive teenagers; Ginger with her easy laugh and boundless energy, and Nikolai with his mischievous little grin and propensity for unexpected hugs. It's hard to believe that was ten years ago. She's watched them change and grow in so many ways, but even after a decade, some things about them haven't changed at all.

As she observes Nikolai and Ginger, she tries to think of the gentlest way to tell Nikolai she's leaving. He seems to be in good spirits at the moment, but she's concerned his mood is tenuous, and she doesn't want to upset him.

She puts her hands into the pockets of her hoodie and shifts most of her weight off her bad leg. Her hip is throbbing dully. It's not overwhelmingly painful, and she knows it's nothing that an ibuprofen tablet won't cure, but it's screwing up her concentration and making her unable to come up with anything that doesn't sound either scripted or patronizing.

Damn it... I just need to hold myself together for a little longer. I need to get out of here with no fuss, and then I can crash when I get home.

Nikolai, sensitive and perceptive as ever, evidently takes notice of her change in posture. He says tentatively, "Beth-Anne, are you okay?"

"I'm good," she says. "My hip's aching a little, that's all. Sign of old age, I guess."

"That's not true. You're not old." He chews on his lower lip as his gaze travels around the room and eventually comes to rest on the plastic chair. He stares at it for a second or two, and then says quietly. "Oh my God. It's that chair. You sat there all night, didn't you? It's my fault. I'm sorry. I didn't realize—"

"No. It's okay," she says, wanting to forestall the rising panic she can hear in his voice. "I actually didn't sit there all night. I was walking around a lot. Don't worry. It's not your fault."

"Maybe... maybe you should go home and rest."

"Are you sure?" she asks. She hadn't expected him to suggest that she leave, but she's grateful he's the one to have brought it up. She won't worry less about leaving him, but at least this way she thinks she'll feel far less guilty.

"I don't want you to go, but I don't want you to stay here if you're in pain either." He shakes his head. "This is so messed up."

"It's not messed up," she says. "Some over-the-counter pain medication will fix everything."

"That's not what I mean," he says. "I don't know why I'm like this. Like, a minute ago, I thought I was fine, but now I'm... not sure. Not scared, exactly, but… anxious?"

"Why are you anxious?" she asks.

"I don't know why. It's like, I'm scared that if you leave, something bad is going to happen, but I don't know what and I don't even know why I think that. It makes no sense. It's..." He lets the sentence fade, unfinished, and lowers his eyes. "Sorry."

"it's okay, sweetheart. You don't need to be sorry," Beth-Anne steps forward to hug him, and he hangs onto her as tightly as he had the night before, when she'd first found him in his front hallway.

"If you leave, you'll still come back later, right?"

"Yes, probably around lunchtime. Ginger and Stan are going to hang out with you for a while, and by the time I get back, maybe the doctor will be ready to let you go."

"What if he doesn't let me go by lunchtime?"

"Then I'll stay with you until he does, but I can't see him keeping you much longer. He only wanted you to be here for observation, likely just until the medication wore off."

"I think it's worn off already," he says.

"If you think you need something else, you can ask the nurse."

"I can't," he practically whispers.

"If you can't ask by yourself, I'll help you," Stan intervenes. "Why don't you let Beth-Anne go and take care of whatever she needs to do? Ginger and I can look after you in the meantime."

"That's right," Ginger adds. "And if it's cuddling you're looking for, you know I'm brilliant at that. Hugs before drugs."

Stan makes a nondescript noise that might be the offspring of a laugh and a grunt, and says to no one in particular. "This is the child I've raised."

Ginger laughs. "You've done well, Stan. I wouldn't be who I am today without you."

Nikolai hesitates, but finally acquiesces and releases Beth-Anne from his almost desperate hold. "Okay," he says. "You can go now, but you have to promise you'll come back."

"I promise I will," Beth-Anne assures him. "Is there anything you want me to get from your house while I'm out?"

"I don't know. My glasses and my toothbrush. A change of clothes. I can't think of anything else right now."

"That's fine," she says. "That should get you through the rest of the day anyway. Tomorrow, I can take you over there and help you pack up anything else you're going to need at my place. Sound good?"

He nods. "Yeah. Thank you."

Satisfied for the moment that Nikolai is in safe hands, Beth-Anne says farewell and makes her way out of the hospital as quickly as she can, before she changes her mind about it.

She doesn't know how she and Nikolai are going to cope over the next few days, but she insists to herself that they'll get through it just like they've gotten through every other difficult situation they've encountered so far. She wants to be optimistic, telling herself that once Nikolai has been in a safe, stable environment for a while, he'll be less clingy and scared, and he'll start to feel better.

Staying occupied will help too, she thinks. She'll have to come up with some ideas to keep him busy until he's ready to venture out into the world again, because she certainly won't have him sitting around on the couch all day doing nothing and sinking deeper into the chasm of depression, hopelessness and self-pity. When he's able to be up and around... Well, she knows exactly how she's going to occupy him then, and she's already resolved not to take no for an answer.

The biggest problem she hasn't devised a solution for at this point is Anya. She has no clue where Anya is, whether or not she'll be back, or whether she'll want to see Nikolai if she does return. One thing she is reasonably certain about however, is that if Anya comes back and discovers Nikolai isn't at home, Beth-Anne's home is the first place she'll look for him.

Beth-Anne has absolutely no intention of letting Anya into her house. She knows she can't stop Nikolai from seeing his wife if he wants to, and she'd already told Stan that she doesn't plan on interfering in their marriage, but there's no way in hell she'll allow a potential confrontation between them to take place under her roof.

She'll have to discuss everything with Nikolai when he's feeling up to it, she concludes. He may say he doesn't want to see Anya at all, and that would make the solution a simple one, but she suspects it's not going to be that straightforward.

Nothing's ever easy, is it? says a little voice in the back of her mind.

No, most things aren't, she concedes, but she knows from experience there are outcomes that are worth the effort and people who are worth making an effort for. Stan likes to say 'people before practice', and Beth-Anne believes wholeheartedly in that.

People before almost everything else, because other than the basic necessities of survival, nothing matters more than people and the connections they build in one another's lives.

#writing #the art of redemption #theartofredemption #nikolai pavlenko #beth-anne jones #stan kovac #ginger holmes #stargazersims

[sunnyie-eve]

4 | Happy Christmas

Series: Little Things

Paring: Mattheo Riddle x OFC Potter!

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: Might be a few mistakes

| MASTERLIST |

"Who do you think will win todays Quidditch match?" Enzo asks as we eat breakfast. 

"Slytherin. They've been winning for years." Draco says like it's so obvious. 

"Yeah, but Gryffindor has my brother now as their seeker." I shrug my shoulders. 

"You doubting your house?" Flint slams his hands on the table beside me startling me. 

"I was ju-," 

He cuts me off, "Just betraying your house? You're already a blood traitor being a half blood and caring for non purebloods. You shouldn't be in this house. You're just a-," He gets cut off. 

"Mr. Flint." Professor Snaps walks up to us. 

"Professor." He stands up straight and leaves the great hall. Snape nods his head at me then goes over to Harry. 

"You okay?" Willow asks me. 

"Yeah." I nod my head and stay quite eating my food.

Later when it was time for the match I don't join the group so I could sit by myself. "You know how hard it was to fine you?" Mattheo sits next to me. 

"I wanted to be alone." I sigh. 

"I know but we gotta stick together." He nudges me. 

"Why do you say that?" I ask him as the game starts. 

"You're my friend. The first friend I made so you are more special than the others. Plus we keep some things a secret." He says as we watch the match. 

"We don't know that much about each other." I laugh. 

"But I feel like you won't judge me for my background. Who my parents are." I look at him looking down. 

"You still haven't told me who they are." I remind him. 

"I can't say it. I made a promise with Dumbledore coming in. You don't know how hard it was to convince him to let me come here." He chuckles. 

"They were that bad?" He nods his head. "Well, I don't care because you aren't like them. You are your own self. And I like who Mattheo Riddle is." I make him smile. I look back up and see Harry jerking around on his broom. "Harry!" I jump up. "What's going on with his broom stick?" I ask worried. 

"Someone is jinxing his broom." Mattheo tells me as Slytherin's start to laugh at him as he hands on dangling. 

After sometime Harry gets back in making me let out a sigh of relief. "He's got the snitch!" They announce making the other houses cheer except Slytherin. 

"Cheer on the inside." Mattheo whispers to me making me laugh. 

"Oh, I am." He shakes his head at me.

-

I'm no time it was Christmas break and most students were going home to spend it with their families. "How come your aren't going home?" I ask Mattheo as we sit in the great hall playing card games. 

"Our deal with Dumbledore says I have to stay here the whole time. Why aren't you going home?" He asks putting down his card. 

"Our aunt and uncle hate us. Oh, I win." I stick my tongue out at him. 

"Oh, Hazel... You're gonna help Harry look for information on Nicholas Flamel, right?" Hermione walks up to us. 

"We've looked a hundred times." I whine. 

"You are just like Ron." She rolls her eyes. "As I just told them... Not in the restricted section. Happy Christmas to the both of you." She leaves us. 

"I think you've had a bad influence on her." Mattheo makes me laugh. 

"Maybe. See told you me being here was going to mess me up." I joke with him.

"Hazel, come here." I look back at Harry playing chess. 

"Come on." I motion for Mattheo to follow me to Harry and Ron. 

"She tell you all what she just told us?" Harry asks. 

"Yeah, keep looking but try the restricted area." I lean against the table. 

"I told Hazel she's had a bad influence in her." Mattheo tells them. 

"I said the same thing about Harry and I." Ron laughs. 

"We'll keep me updated. I'm gonna go to my dorm. See you guys tomorrow." I pat the top of their heads leaving. 

When we get to our dorm we each go change into something else to be lazy in, in the common room. "I just realized neither of us have any roommates while they're away." Mattheo laughs as we plop onto the sofa. "What's one of your biggest secret people don't know about you?" Mattheo asks as we stare at the fire. "Our secret." He puts out a pinky so I take it.

"Harry and I can telepathy talk to each other." I say making him look at me. 

"So you both are telepathic?" He tilts his head. 

"Harry can't don't any of it with anyone else, but I can if I try to work on it. I don't though because I read that it can be troubled and I can hurt my head." I explain to him. 

"That's cool." 

I nod my head, "What's yours?" I lean closer to him to nudge him. 

"I'm telling you this because I trust you... My mother is Bellatrix Lestrange." I was taken back because I read about her when I was catching up on what happened with the dark wizards. 

"She's... I'm...wow..." I was speechless then smile a little. "I appreciate how you really trust me to tell that."

He just looks at me, "I just feel really comfortable with you." 

I lean over giving him a hug, "I feel really comfortable with you too, Mattheo." 

We both lay on the sofa and just talk till we both pass out on it. "Hazel, we should go to bed." I hear him while he shakes me. 

"Yeah." I rub my eyes walking to my room. 

"Goodnight." We tell each other going to bed in our rooms. It was nice to have Mattheo as a friend. Out of all the guys I felt most comfortable with him because I feel like he wouldn't judge me.

///

Mattheo gets dressed going to the common room but sees Hazel was still in bed. He walks over to the tree and finds his gift and opens it. Here's exactly what you wanted. Happy. Christmas. The note says and he smiles to himself going to wake Hazel up. "Hazel, wake up." He pokes her. "Get up. I'm all alone." The poking turns into shaking. 

"Five more minutes." She groans. 

"Fine." He sighs setting one of the parts of his gift on her dresser before leaving. 

Hazel groans not being able to fall back into a good sleeping stage so she sits up rubbing her eyes. She looks around the empty room then her eyes land on the gift on her dresser. Picking it up she opens it to see a white rope bracelet that said pinky promise. She smiles to herself put it on her left wrist and gets up going to the common room.

"What happened to five more minutes?" Mattheo laughs at her. 

"I couldn't fall back asleep so I had to get up. Thank you so much for ruining my sleep." She roll her eyes jumping onto the sofa next to him. "Also thank you for the gift. And how the hell did you get up to the girls dorm?" She puts out her arm showing it off. 

"I'm not telling you trick and you're welcome." He puts out his showing her a matching one but black. "And it does this." He puts his hand closer to hers and shows the little dangly part connects with his because it was a magnet. "Happy Christmas, Hazel." They put their arms down. 

"Happy Christmas, Mattheo. I should go see Harry. Do you wanna come with me?" She asks getting up. 

"Nah, go see your brother." She nods her head leaving the Slytherin common room going up to the Gryffindor's. 

"Can you tell Harry Potter to come out?" She asks the painting. Soon the painting opens and Harry pulls her in. "I don't think we are allowed to go into other common rooms." She tells Harry. 

"I don't care, you're my sister. Oh and Ron's mom put your sweater in with mine." Harry hands her a homemade sweater.

"It's weird getting presents from others." She tell them. 

"I know. Also look at this." Harry uses a cloak then disappears. 

"An invisibility cloak." Her jaw drops. 

"It didn't say who it was from. Just that it was dads. I'm gonna use it to go into the restricted area in the library at night." Harry lets her know. 

"Hopefully you find something. I should get back to Mattheo because we are the only ones in the Slytherin house here. Happy Christmas." She hugs Harry then waves to Ron leaving. 

When she get backs to Mattheo they kinda just lounge around bored for the whole day together. "We do it all over again tomorrow?" Mattheo jokes at they head to their rooms. 

"Duhh. Night, Matty." She stops looking back at him. 

"Night, Hazie." He smiles back.

While Hazel was sleeping in her room alone, Harry sneaks in walking her up with Ron. "What the hell?" She sits up. 

"You gotta see this. Trust me." He pulls his sister out of her bed. 

"Hurry up so we can go back to sleep." Ron groans tired. 

Harry get all three of them under the cloak and takes the to the room with the mirror. "Come look. It's our parents." Harry rushes over to the mirror. 

"I only see us." Ron tell him. 

"Look in properly. Go on, stand there." Harry lets Ron go first but Ron just sees himself as the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain and Head Boy, holding up the Quidditch Cup. 

"Harry, do you think this mirror shows the future?" Ron asks him. 

"How can it? Both my parents are dead. Hazel see if you can see them." Harry places her in front of it.

She sighs looking into the mirror but doesn't see her parents just an older version of her and Mattheo holding each other tight. "I don't see them." She stares at the mirror confused. 

"What do you see?" Ron asks. 

"Umm... I'm just hugging someone." She tells them. "I'm going back to bed. If I get caught, I get caught." She leaves them thinking about looking up the mirror tomorrow in the library.  

The next morning while she was looking through books Mattheo shows up. "Thought I'd find you here." He takes a seat. 

"Found it!" She reads the passage. 

"The Mirror of Erised." She reads out loud. 

"Erised?" Mattheo repeats. 

"Desire backwards. The mirror shows the deepest, most desperate desire of your heart." Hazel nods her head.

"Did you come across this mirror?" He asks her. 

"Harry took me and Ron to it last night because he saw our parents. I didn't see them." She closes the book. 

"What did you see?" He asks curious. 

"Us older hugging. I think it could be because all I've ever wanted was for someone who wasn't Harry to care and be there for me." I sigh getting up putting up the book. 

"I do care about you so... I guess you want a friend who will be there for a long time." He follows her. 

"I guess I do." She sighs with her back facing him.

///

"I had you looking in the wrong section. How could I be so stupid?" Hermione slams a book on the table and it lands on Harry's hand making me giggle at his pain. "I checked it out weeks ago for a bit of light reading." Hermione sits down. 

"This is light?" Ron asks her so she gives him a look. 

"You barely like reading the paper. And that is very light." I give him a look. 

"You watch me in the mornings?" He raises an eyebrow. 

"When I'm bored I look around the whole room. Continue Hermione." I tell her so she does. 

She reads to us that he made the stone and that's what what Fluffy is guarding. "You going to meet us outside to go to Hagrid at night?" Harry asks me. 

"Yeah, I'll sneak out. See you later." I get up leaving the table.

"Boo!" Theo jumps out startling me. 

"You're so funny." I roll my eyes walking again and this time Draco pops out. 

"I hate you guys." I walk again and Mattheo pops out. I just sigh glaring at him. "Is Enzo next?" I ask and he comes out upset. "Next time you think about scaring me don't do it all in one go. Do it throughout the day. Be smart not dumb." I explain to them. 

"I tried telling them." Pansy shakes her head then leaves with her group of girls. 

"You find anything out?" Mattheo asks me. 

"Yeah." I keep it short since the guys were walking behind us.

When it was time for bed I make sure to quietly sneak out to go meet the three to go to Hagrid's. At Hagrid's he tries to shoo us away but we tell him we know about the Scorcer's stone so he lets us in. Harry explains that he thinks Snape is still after the stone, so Hagrid said Snape is one of the teacher protecting it. 

"Hagrid is that an dragon egg?" I ask as he set it in the table. 

"Yes... I won it off a stranger I met down at the pub." He tells us as the egg starts to shake and crack. 

"That's a Norwegian Ridgeback." Ron says telling us his brother works with them. 

"Who's that?" We all turn to window to see Draco. 

"Malfoy." Harry and I say together. 

"I swear he was asleep" I groan as we all walk back walking into McGonagall.

"Good evening." She gives us a look while Draco and Mattheo step out. I glare at him wondering why would he snitch on me.

#harry potter #draco malfoy #hermione granger #ron weasley #severus snape #albus dumbledore #narcissa malfoy #lucius malfoy #molly weasley #arthur weasley #fred weasley #george weasley #ginny weasley #neville longbottom #hogwarts #wizarding world #mattheo riddle #theodore nott #lorenzo berkshire #harry potter fanfic

[infogramika]

Kosuke Suzuki Interview Part 1

Attention young actor Kosuke Suzuki, the "bond" born from his first drama starring "I always admired Hibiki-kun, who is like the sun"

# Drama interview # Kosuke Suzuki INTERVIEW 2023.3.30

The BL drama "Jack Frost" depicts the heartrending "both unrequited love" of her lover, Ritsu, who lost his memory after saying goodbye, and Ikuya, who hides the fact that he was her lover and supports her. We asked Kosuke Suzuki, who played the role of Ikuya in this work, to talk about the filming episode of the drama and a private story with Kyoya Honda, who played the role of Ritsu, who became friends!

It was difficult to act out conflicting emotions alternately

――The drama “Jack Frost” in which you starred with Kyoya Honda is very popular. Are you getting that response?

Thankfully, I feel that everyone is happy. I was very surprised to receive voices not only from the fans of the "drama shower slot" where this drama is being broadcast, and from people who support me, but also from people in various countries such as South Korea and Indonesia. The number of followers on my own SNS has increased, and more than anything, I was very happy to hear comments from Koreans that "Japanese BL is evolving."

――I think Ikuya played by Mr. Suzuki was a difficult role to support Ritsu, a lover who lost his memory after saying goodbye. What was the hardest thing for him to play?

Ikuya has feelings of wanting to hide the fact that he is his lover from Ritsu, who has lost his memory, and a sense of guilt for hiding the truth. But I can't express it at the same time, so after making a face that I'm determined to hide, I have an expression that makes me feel guilty. It was difficult to act out the conflicting emotions alternately. However, I thought I shouldn't talk to Hibiki, who played the role of Ritsu, about my worries, so I consulted with the director and decided.

I've always admired Hibiki-kun, who is like the "sun"

――When I was watching the drama, I could really feel the world and warmth of the two of you.

We actually get along very well. We even stripped each other and did push-ups and had them pump up before filming (laughs). I made the work not only as an actor of the same generation, but also with the feeling that I was a friend working together, a comrade in arms.

――Did Mr. Honda and Mr. Suzuki have similar personalities?

I'm rather gloomy (laughs). But Hibiki-kun is really bright, he doesn't look shy, and he makes the scene lively. I'm the type to talk to someone in a corner, so I've always admired Hibiki-kun, who is like the sun. I thought he was really nice because the atmosphere changed suddenly just by coming to the scene.

――Do you keep in touch after shooting?

We often go out to eat together. After shooting, we became normal friends (laughs). A work is like changing classes. Even if you get along well, once you move to the next class, you don't see or contact each other much, but Hibiki-kun was different. I think it was a wonderful meeting.

Especially impressive was the shooting at Lake Yamanaka

--It's wonderful. What do you think is the appeal of the relationship between Ritsu and Ikuya?

There are moments when the two look like parent and child or brother. There's Ikuya, who likes to take care of others, and there's Ritsu, who leaves everything up to her (laughs). Ikuya explodes because of that, but the relationship is also heartwarming. I think it's because it's drawn so realistically that it became a drama that sticks with everyone.

――Are there any memorable episodes during filming?

The scene shot at Lake Yamanaka was a lot of fun. Actually, out of two days of shooting, the first day was sunny and the second day was a heavy snow. If it were the other way around, I wouldn't have been able to shoot the summer scene, so I'm really blessed. Because it was a play in a magnificent scenery, the play was also liberating, and there were many moments where you could see the real faces of the two, so I would be happy if you could pay attention to it.

――From the shocking episode 1, Ikuya and Ritsu's relationship was built up, which made me smile.

It's great, isn't it? I think Ikuya's honesty as he absorbs the opinions of his neighbor, Tomoko, and Ritsu's younger brother, Hiiragiji, is wonderful. I'm sure everyone who is watching will be able to support the figure of Ikuya and Ritsu working hard to rebuild their relationship.

――Then, please give a message to our readers.

I was a little worried that this would be my first lead role in the drama "Jack Frost." It is a wonderful work that you can enjoy. I would be happy if you could see the detailed production created by the cast and staff, so please enjoy it until the end!

Link to official interview page:

https://with.kodansha.co.jp/article/interview-kosukesuzuki

#jack o frost #suzuki kosuke #japanese bl #boys love drama #bl series #bl drama #boys love

[gjenevarants]

Insomnia/Tears

2/26/24

Insomnia has been a bitch for the past few weeks. It's been at its worst this past week though. The least I've slept is probably four hours. The most I've slept is probably seven, but with that, I'm not falling asleep until four or five in the morning, meaning I'm waking up sometime between ten and eleven right before lunch. And that means I'm only eating twice a day.

Mostly I've been keeping myself distracted by reading when sleep escapes me, but I'm almost out of books. I think I have maybe two left now? Other times I've been writing, but as that is something I do during the day to pass the time, it doesn't do as much for me.

Tonight or today I guess it's three in the morning as I write this, I got in my head again. Mostly anger and loneliness rearing their heads. Maybe a bit of despair as well. I'm honestly tempted to take my meds again. They were only for anxiety and they didn't work all that well when it came to that, but at least while I was taking them I wasn't crying every other night.

Truthfully I'm writing this to try and keep myself distracted from the endless cycle of internalized self deprivation. At least with this, I can occupy myself with trying to keep track of typing and hitting the wright keys in the dark.

I have a to do list that I made in January. I started on it then when I came back from dad's and I haven't touched it since. I don't even know what's on it anymore. So I need to take care of all of that. I know doing my laundry is on there. I also need to talk to my parents and schedule my wisdom teeth removal. I should have had them taken care of years ago. Its at the point now where if their in for maybe... four more months I might have serious damage. I'm starting to feel weird jaw shit now too, so it definitely needs to happen as soon as possible, probably next month.

Another thing that needs to happen is my acquisition of a job. I don't know when my taxes are due for my car but I now it's some time within the next two-three months. I'm starting to stress about it. I need to set up an eBay account so I can sell some of my old action figures. Some of them are actually worth money even out of the box. I also need to finish up my mushroom hat project so that I can finish my earring project. I never should have started the mushroom hat without finishing the earrings but I got excited. The mushroom hat is a personal thing, but at least with the earrings I can make money.

I want to look into trying to get a savings account that my mom can't see. Both her and my dad have access to my bank account because they have passed money to each other through it before. I really want to remove mom's access but I have no idea how. She looks at it some times and asks me questions about it all nosy and judgmental like: "Did you get Starbucks again?" No. That shouldn't even be listed I literally bought that with a gift card. I think I'm scared she's going to seal from me? I've said it before but she is shit at managing money. I'm worried that once I get a job, she'll start skimming from my funds.

I already owe her money for the college classes I dropped out of. Who knows how much I'll have to contribute to rent. To taxes. I've been measuring my money in how much a week worth of personal groceries costs me. I've been forgetting about personal necessities because of that. Really, all of this scares me. At this rate everything scares me. So much for stopping tears. I'm crying again. I just woke up the cat from blowing my nose.

Speaking of the cat, I definitely have PTSD after Sabi. At the end of his life he had a mass in his gut as well as/caused by organ/intestine deterioration. His stomach would gurgle almost constantly. Hearing that with him was comforting because I knew it meant he was still alive. Nibi's stomach has been making gurgling noises too now. I think it only happens after she uses the litter box or eats. It freaks me the fuck out though because every time I hear it, I think there's something wrong and that she's going to end up in the same spot Sabi was in. My mom's cat is a whole other thing/mess. Ari's at the point where I think it's kinder to let her go, but mom doesn't listen. When she does it goes back to money.

Why does everything circle back to money? What dumbass came up with the brilliant idea of everything revolving around money. Who the fuck needs to revolve around the sun? We can use paper bills and tiny little coins that some random people somewhere will collect.

Nibi just came back from wherever she went. I'm going to keep an ear out for her tummy and hope for the best. Maybe I'll be able to get four to seven shitty hours of sleep now.

[arispensieve]

Back in NJ! Aimless journaling.

Drive was interesting. Currently too overwhelmed to journal very effectively - socialized a ton and mom is watching a video next to me which is making it really hard to focus. But I made it here without... too much difficulty?

I was calm and it was weird. The calmness itself seemed to stress me out - post emdr on thursday my head has been on and off alarmingly quiet in the way that it only ever is if I'm simply too tired to panic anymore or ill or otherwise compromised. Which then of course makes me worry something's wrong with me. But we're not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Mom is still very unhappy about work stuff, but she has an interview on tuesday. Her therapist continues to poke her into new thought patterns which seems maybe 50% effective? She said something about knowing she can't say no to anything and therefore needing to find a job that won't ask as much of her/has lower stakes, and this reminds me of me a bit and the way I approach other things. Not work so much, but like. Life.

She's hoping to walk the middle path I think, since her current job didn't start out as overwhelming as it did/she sort of let it get to that point, so she also wants to get better at saying no to things.

I wish her luck.

Nick is going to send me money for France work that he hasn't yet, which is kind of a huge relief because I'm down to 570 dollars, 475 of which are for rent at the end of the month. He suggests I come in early April, I think late April would be better.

Nothing from Jo. I'm very worried but also Jo will just vanish off the face of the earth for weeks, this is a thing she does. Still worried though.

Can't focus with this video. Maybe I'll just go to bed. Was hoping to eat a bit more before bed but Johnny and my grandmother apparently both recently had stomach bugs, and my brain is telling me elaborate and fancy stories about how I'm going to wake up sick tomorrow and throw up in the car with parents and Cyndi and it's going to be awful. So probably I shouldn't eat.

The "probably" confuses Piper sometimes. It's just a habit, because I don't like to be too firm about anxiety stuff when I know it's all bullshit. If only knowing it's bullshit did any good.

Last night I found an old thing from Em that she made for Pallas about how to handle me when I'm scared. It was painful and also very sweet, and also made me wonder why the hell she put up with me. (Well, she doesn't anymore, but that was for different reasons. I hope.)

Piper wanted to see it even though I was like you already know everything in it so I showed it to her, and she said

which. um. yeah fair enough but ouch :(

ANYWAY. Anyway. I don't like being scared all the time. But we knew this and there's no point in whining.

Tomorrow we wake up really early and get in the car to go to 3612, and I'm falling asleep on the couch, so. Time to give up on snack and just go to sleep.

[passerine-writes]

Silent Sparks - Volt 91

Warnings: Trauma talk, insomnia, Dadzawa bonding time!! Word count: 3418

Notes: Italics - Tsukare signing Bold italics - Family member/friend signing 'Italics with apostrophes' - Thoughts

Masterlist

Volt 90 | Volt 92

"Holy shit." Hitoshi mumbled after I explained what happened.

"Wait, Aoyama left a warning?" Pops asked and I nodded.

"I can't figure it out and it's eating at me. I know I read about it too!" I exclaimed, dragging my hands down my face. "I read about it in middle school." I said after seeing two of the three confused.

"I already asked him about it. The random facts will never stop." Dad surmised and I nodded.

"I can list so many right now but not that! I can tell you that scientifically speaking, jellyfish shouldn't be alive, that spiders technically don't have brains, sharks don't have bones, some lipsticks contain fish scales, rubber bands last longer when refrigerated, if you sneeze too hard you can fracture a rib, but I can't remember what the proverb originally tied to!" Everyone stared at me with wide eyes and I groaned flopping onto my back. "This is making my head spin around in circles." I said while rubbing my eyes. I slowly sat back up, meeting everyone's wide eyes again.

"That could also be because you've been awake for over forty hours." Pops reasoned and I looked at him in disbelief.

"I didn't even realize it'd been that long." I said under my breath as I counted the hours. "Well shit. Oh yeah, Toshi, why did you react the way you did when Yoru came for dinner a few weeks ago?"

"I didn't like his attitude and cockiness. He gave the vibe of 'I was his brother first' and it rubbed me the wrong way. Doesn't matter when we became brothers, we're brothers and that's what matters to me." He said earnestly.

"Damn."

"Before we get ready for bed, is there anything else any of us need to talk about?" Pops asked.

"I uh," Hitoshi started, hesitating as his voice got caught in his throat, "I think I want to try going on antidepressants." He said it so fast I had almost missed it.

"Okay." Dad said casually, making Hitoshi visibly break mentally.

"Okay?" He asked cautiously.

"You're old enough to weigh the pro's and con's on your own. In all honesty, Sunshine and I have been wondering when you would want to start them." Dad explained, watching as Hitoshi processed his thoughts. "Is there anything in particular that sparked you wanting to start them?" I noticed Hitoshi starting to curl in on himself, hunching over to rest his forearms on his bouncing knees.

"My depressions been getting worse, and I knew I had to say something before it got worse again. I uh, I started getting thoughts. Not serious ones. The passive ones that Hound Dog and Recovery Girl told Onryo and I about. I know I won't act on it, but I want to stop it before they become serious." He explained and I felt my heart sink to my stomach.

"We can talk to Hound Dog at your next therapy session and have you referred to the old lady for med checks and whatnot." Hitoshi nodded a little and wiped a hand down his face. "How long has it been getting worse?"

"I thought about a month ago, but now that I'm in a clearer state of mind, a few months. Probably since Kamino." He said, his body shaking with a sniffle. "I couldn't get to Onryo in time. I was so close and I can't help but think that if I just moved a little faster or I had my capture weapon, I could've stopped it from happening." I scooted forward and pulled him into a hug. "I didn't want to say anything at first cause I thought it was just another depressive episode and it would pass. Then I started getting more and they started lasting a little longer, but I didn't know how to bring it up. I guess it's similar to Onryo's concerns. I know how much you both have on your plates and I didn't want to overwhelm you both even more."

"Little listener, you shouldn't worry about that. We are always going to worry about you and your brother. It's part of being parents." Pops said to him through his teary eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm really trying to do better." Hitoshi said.

"We know." I said reassuringly. "You're doing the best you can and that's more than enough." He sniffled again and nodded.

"I think medication would be a good idea." He stated.

"Okay." Pops said. "Then we'll try medication and go from there." We all nodded and sat for a moment, still processing the conversation we just had. "Let's get the couch set up and relax. It's been a long day for everyone."

We all agreed and got the couch set up. I sat against some pillows in the corner and grabbed my laptop while a movie played on the television. I clicked on the search engine and started scrolling, hoping to find what I was looking for.

I clicked on link after link, hoping something would lead me to what I had found several years ago. Minutes easily turned into hours until Dad reached over and closed my laptop. My head snapped towards him reflexively, so focused that I didn't even see him reach over until the illumination from the screen immediately cut out.

You need to at least try and sleep. You'll remember when you remember.

I'm not tired.

Okay. Then what do you want to put on?

I don't know. I'm thinking about making something to eat though.

I'm hungry too. We could go to the 24 hour diner in Shimada.

What's the catch?

Catch? Who said anything about a catch?

You're offering for us to go to the 24 hour diner at almost three in the morning. There's a catch.

I want you to try opening up. I don't care what specifically it's about, I don't care how much you tell me. All I care about is that you try.

You're despicable. Using my love of that diner against me. Okay, fine, let me go get dressed and try to figure out how to get rid of my eye bags and dark circles.

He nodded and watched me quietly walk out the door. I made haste getting back to my dorm room, changing into a pair of ripped jeans and a black shirt with a decently thick, classic, red and black flannel. I grabbed my old tube of concealer and patted a little around my eyes, blending it out to the best of my ability. It felt weird seeing myself less exhausted, but I was content with the fact that it somewhat worked and tossed on my black boots along with my hearing aids.

"Ready?" Dad asked as I snuck out of the dorms, not wanting to wake any of my classmates. I patted my pockets quickly.

'Phone, keys, wallet, case, hearing aids.'

"Yep." We got in his car, usually we would take the train there but I think we both realized that taking the train back would be cramped with the morning rush of workers.

The car ride was quiet and relaxing, I stared up at the stars through the window. Looking at as many of the eighty eight constellations as I could.

"Looking at the stars?" Dad asked.

"Yeah. It's harder to see them though with the light pollution from the city. One of these days I wanna go out to Hyogo or the edge of Okayama to look at the stars. There's such little light pollution, I bet they're really bright out there." I said softly, enamored by the burning orbs millions of miles away.

"They probably are. So Sunshine and I were talking, we were wondering if after you turn sixteen if you'd like to get your permit." My head shot towards him with my growing excitement.

"Wait, seriously?" He nodded and I couldn't contain the smile growing on my face. "Yes! Hundred percent! Absolutely!" I said in excitement. "Is Toshi finally going for his too?"

"He hasn't expressed wanting to get his but we were thinking about asking him if he's thought about it." I nodded along to his words. "Do you still want to get your ears pierced?"

"Yeah, I really like how they look and want to get them done. Thankfully the stigma behind them is starting to die down. I don't really believe in it anyways." He hummed and glanced at me.

"I see my disliking for conforming to societal norms rubbed off on you." I chuckled softly.

"Yeah, but also, I'm a ginger. Been surrounded by those since I was born."

"True. I'm just glad you don't feel confined to them. Is there anything else out of the normalities of the country that you want to have in the future?" He asked.

"I definitely want cartilage piercings. Maybe a tongue piercing too. Oh! And I want tattoos!" He hummed and nodded his head as I spoke.

"Maybe that'll be your present for your eighteenth birthday. Just, please, when you do get tattoos, don't get anything abhorrently stupid. Like curse words, or inappropriate body parts." He said, clearly perturbed about me getting them.

"You don't have to worry about it. And I won't be getting any face tattoos either." He let out a sigh of relief and nodded.

"Okay. I'm glad we're on the same page. How would you feel about piercings being part of your birthday present?"

"That works." I told him and he nodded.

"We're here. So let's get a table and get something to eat." I nodded, almost bouncing as my seat as I waited for him to put the car in park. Excitedly, I rushed over to the door and waited impatiently for him to get inside. He sighed and took his time, sluggishly walking over to where I held the outside door open. He reached over my head once he caught up and opened the inside door.

"Aizawa? Tsukare? Haven't seen you two here in quite some time." The hostess, Ikeda, said as we walked in, she was always here for the graveyard shift. "Go sit wherever you'd like and I'll be right over with some menus." Dad and I happily walked over to the booth we normally sat in.

"Here ya both are. Regular drinks to start with?" She asked as she put a menu in front of each of us. Dad and I both nodded and she typed a few words on her tablet. "Black coffee and let me check that I got this right, it's been a little while, a strawberry milkshake with whipped cream and chocolate syrup?" I nodded with a large smile. "Okay, I'll be back with your drinks in a sec." She said happily.

"When was the last time we were here?" I asked Dad, blanking on just how long it'd been.

"I think after you and Hitoshi took your entrance exams. You two were both stressed over the results not being in yet so I took both of you here one night." He told me and I stared at him in disbelief.

"That was in like, February. It's really been that long?" I asked him, shocked that it's been eight months. He nodded and turned his attention to the menu and I did the same, my eyes already set on what I wanted.

"Here ya both are. Are you two ready to order?" She asked as she sat down in a chair from the table beside us. Ikeda was always personable with everyone that walked in here, we'd seen it multiple times.

"Uh can I get an order of the kakuni manju?" I asked while I put a straw in my milkshake.

"Absolutely, and what can I get for you Aizawa?"

"Just some udon please." He said quietly and I happily took a sip of my milkshake. She set the tablet on her lap after punching our orders in and leaned forward a little bit.

"You've grown up quite a bit since the last time I saw ya, Tsukare. How's school goin'? Any more fights?" Ikeda asked teasingly.

"No, no fights. I'm over at U.A. in the hero course." I told her.

"Sonus, right?" I blushed a little and nodded my head. "Knew that was you when I saw the news. What else is new with ya?"

"I have my first boyfriend." I told her shyly, blushing like a mad man.

"Good for you, hun!" She said happily, a genuine smile on her face. "It's a shame I can't try and set ya up with my daughter anymore. She's 'bout your age." I laughed a little bit and tried to stifle it by taking a sip of my drink. "What? You're a good kid, strong set of morals, clear head on your shoulders, you'd be a good influence!" She defended her statement on it, her Hyogo accent heavily coming out.

"Thanks, Ikeda."

"So, what's he like? Is he treatin' you good?" She asked with a pointed look.

"He is, he's amazing. He's patient and kind, he has an amazing smile and beautiful hair, he knows right away when my hearing aids are out and does his best with it. We have a lot of the same interests. I feel comfortable and safe around him." I told her happily, indulging in her impromptu boy talk.

"And do you approve of him?" She asked Dad and he sighed.

"He's a good kid, so I'm trying to warm up to him for Onryo's sake." Dad begrudgingly told her.

"Well, I'm glad to hear you're happy, sweetie. You deserve to be. Now when did you get them fancy things in your ears?" She said, not passing over my comment about hearing aids.

"Probably five or six months ago." I told her, watching her face soften a bit.

"How ya holdin' up with it?" She asked sincerely.

"It was an adjustment at first, but with my quirk I always knew I'd need them one day. It was more of an adjustment for my friends, I think. We have dorms now, so after class my hearings aids are usually out, if I'm not wearing them there's only so much I can catch in large conversations." She hummed and nodded.

"That sounds like a pain, hun. How are you adjustin' to it? It must be a change for you and your other son. Speaking of, where is he?" She turned to my Dad.

"It wasn't a large adjustment for me. My spouse is hard of hearing, too. And Hitoshi was sleeping, this one couldn't sleep and we were both hungry, we figured we would come here." He answered, careful with his wording about Pops.

"Well that's a shame, kids missin' out. So tell me, what's UA like?"

We talked for another ten or so minutes before another customer walked in and she excused herself.

So, what to do you want to open up about?

Preferably, I wouldn't, but a deals a deal. I took a long sip of my milkshake to buy time. I opened up to Bakugou a little about Kamino.

How did that go?

He brought me up to the roof to talk one night and he told me that was my chance to let it out so I might stop having nightmares about it. Solid effort before the raid. I told him what Toga did.

Do you want to tell me about that?

Not really, to sum it up, there was a lot of blood and she turned into Shiroka at one point. I'm mad at myself more than anything. I feel like if I was stronger then none of that would've happened.

It wasn't your fault.

But-

It wasn't your fault.

I told them to take it out on me. How is it not my fault?

You didn't ask to be kidnapped. You just didn't want Bakugou to get hurt.

Everything from earlier has me concerned. Why would he leave a warning?

I'm not sure. He might just be able to tell tensions are high in the world.

I don't trust him.

I never said you had too.

Do you trust him?

He's one of my students. I'm required to have some sort of faith in him but I wouldn't call it trust.

Do you think it could be another way to get attention? I hate to phrase it that way, but he lives to be in the spotlight.

Could be a possibility, I suppose.

"Here ya are. A bowl of udon and a plate of kakuni manju. And let me top that off for ya, sweetheart." She said, reaching over and filling up Dad's almost empty coffee mug.

"Thank you, Ikeda." Dad said.

"Anytime, hun. I'll be back to check on y'all later." She said sweetly and I dug in right away, happily sighing at the amazing taste.

Do you think I should open up to Denki about what happened?

There's a question I never thought I'd hear. Why do you ask?

Well, cause, you and Pops and Toshi and even Bakugou knows what happened. I know he's curious and it's because he cares and he can see how much it effects me and I don't blame him for that. Even if I can bring myself to talk about it and tell him, I don't know if it would be a good idea. It would be me telling my boyfriend about how I was tortured mentally and physically for almost three days.

Your Pops and I were together for about a year when your Uncle Oboro died. I didn't open up about it to him for almost a whole year. I didn't know he died, I was convinced that he was still talking to me. Cheering me on as I fought. I blamed myself for a while. It was the only time I didn't believe Sunshine, then I saw the body bag and it felt like part of my heart stopped pumping blood. I felt crazy. So, tell him when you feel like the time is right. If he doesn't have it in him to wait, then he's not worth your time.

Thanks Dad. And you're not crazy. I think your brain just didn't want you to feel it yet so you would stay alive. And I'm sorry, if I brought back any flashbacks when I radioed in to the school when I was trapped.

You don't have to apologize for any of it.

It made me realize I don't want to die anymore. I'm not ready. I was scared, of losing you and everyone.

You're still here. That's what counts.

After we finished our food, we talked for another hours or so, even as the sun rose and shined brightly through the windows we talked. A ghost of a smile appearing on Dad's face when he checked his phone, I already knew who it was.

"Ready to head home?" He asked and I nodded. He paid and left a tip, the two of us walking out to the car. We sat in it as we waited for it to warm up. His phone started ringing after a moment and he picked it up, looking at it confused. "Rock Lock is calling me."

"Put it on speaker! I wanna hear! Please?" He sighed but obliged, answering the phone call and putting it on speaker.

"Hello?" He said tiredly.

"Hey Eraser. I gotta ask a favor." Rock Lock cut in on the other end.

"What's your favor? And so you're aware, I have Onryo with me and you're on speaker." I rolled my eyes jokingly at him taking my fun out of it but he shot me a look.

"That's perfect actually. I was callin' about your kid, I'm at a loss and the cops are too, can I borrow your kid?" He asked.

"I'm sorry, would you like to rephrase that?"

"Can ginger come down to the scene and tell us if we're missin' anything? Like I said, we're at a loss and after the raid, I trust his judgement and he has a different way at lookin' at things." Dad looked at me and we had a silent conversation.

"I'll be there as soon as I can. Send him the address and details to save time on you briefing me."

"Heard that, see ya soon kid." Dad ended the phone call and put the car in gear.

"This should be fun." He sighed.

#mha #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #denki #kaminari #kaminari x oc #tsukare #onryo #tsukare onryo #erasermic family #eraserhead #aizawa #dadzawa #present mic #yamada #hizashi #shinso #hitoshi #class 1a #angst #slowburn #lgbt #adopted au #series

[strikethematch18]

I've been MIA for quite a stretch of time and I apologize. Things have just been really bad on my end for a while and finally built up to a few hours ago.

Not that this matters to the people of the internet but I relapsed in sh. I was clean for over a year this time and I have a lot of feelings about it. I'm not proud, there's a huge possibility I'm going to continue to relapse. I'm going to try not to fall back into those habits. It's not healthy but for those very brief moments I had more control than I have for the last few months.

I've also been incredibly busy with life. My anxiety has reared its ugly head. And now the depression has also made an overwhelming appearance. I stopped going to classes. I stopped doing coursework. What started to break me was my mom hinting to me over a phone call a few days that I was lazy. Her disappointed tone earlier broke me. I feel guilty because her worrying about me shouldn't be a problem, she has enough on her plate. But I've been guilt tripped for that too. So in those few moments of relapse I felt control and was able to release just a little bit of that mental pain into something physical.

I know just as much as the next person that outlook isn't healthy. What I did and how I feel about it isn't healthy. I fell back into an old habit and it's going to be hard to get myself back out again, after all it's a lot easier to restart the clock at a few days or even hours compared to weeks months or even years. But I also know that despite the advice of who I see in my psychiatrists office's guidance of seeking a counselor, I don't have time to fit that in. I know I need it. Tonight solidified that. I want help. But I can't have it. Because I don't have the time to prioritize my mental health. So my answer is to drown until I maybe have the opportunity. Again, not healthy.

I eat something small maybe once a day anymore. Because I once again, lack time, but also because of other reasons. I'm not hungry, I have 0 appetite, hard to eat when you don't feel the need to. But restricting is also another form of unhealthy control. My relationship with food has never been good, and I mean never. I've been a part of diet culture probably since just just after being a toddler. I have and have had a negative body image for practically my whole life. But right now that relationship with food is worse again.

My eyes are dark and dull and when I can manage a smile it definitely doesn't reach my eyes. I'm terrified that when I go home for Thanksgiving someone is going to catch on and know. I'm back to crying alone in my room at night. Silently sobbing in the shower. Breaking down in my car in a near empty parking lot.

The one person I want to talk to about this is my dad. But I'm terrified because he'll tell my mom and I can't do that to her. I just want one of those hugs he gives and I feel safe and loved and as childish as this sounds, I just want my daddy. I can't tell my friends because they'll tell my parents and I can't do that to them. I'll be a burden so I will drown in silence. I have been made to feel like a burden too many times both in the past and recently to not believe it.

Seeing myself like this scares me. I'm hoping to fit in some reading and writing in there because right now, that's the only thing bringing me just a little sliver of happiness.

I'm sorry for the nature and content of this post. But I needed the moment of transparency of saying it all. I know it's unlikely someone will read this, but that doesn't matter; what matters is that for the first time in months I've said how I feel and what has been pent up.

[nonokoko13]

Child!reader being adopted by spy x family characters Pt. 2

As I said in the previous part, these adoption headcanons are really specific, including your hypothetical pronouns and name; these two are extra so you can imagine yourself with your name and desired gender. You can ask for less specific headcanons if you want too. Part 1 here

Enjoy!

Sylvia Sherwood

How you met

She carries the responsibility of WISE, she needs to be committed to it. More than ever now that the peace was threatened every day by those who wanted war to arise again

She missed her family, but she overcame it. Just like the HQ she had to be impenetrable

At least, that's what she thought

Because right in front of her there was the question which answers she wanted to hear. A kid.

It would be normal to see one if she wasn't at the HQ

It didn't help no one knew there was a kid there until you spoke up

The camera system didn't record you and there wasn't any entrance to the agency that had been forced. You weren't any employee's kid either

After scolding them and order to search your parents she met you again

"Hello little one. May I ask you how did you get in here?"

You smiled, seeming to have been waiting her to ask

"Because I like to play and explore! And I'm really good at hide and seek"

Sylvia raised an eyebrow. No matter how well someone was good at hiding there was no way you could break into the HQ; it sounded surrealistic

"But how did you find this place?"

"Because it was easy to find"

"Don't you think you could end bad breaking into unknown places?"

"If I don't know what isthis place how I'd know that?"

Fair enough

That conversation wasn't going anywhere, yet she was angrier with the security staff than you. You didn't look worried though

You gave her an idea

"Do you want to play with me?"

Both entered in the nearest police station, she talked with the officers before telling you to count until 1000 while she was going to hide. You started the count facing a wall

She felt bad, but there were some traffickers she had to catch before they made the exchange

She was following their car; everything fine until she believed to see a small hand greeting her from the car's trunk

She returned to the police station to find out that moments later of her departure you disappeared without anyone realizing. She went to the point where the delivery would be made

Outside the abandoned warehouse there was no signal that you were there until she saw you getting out from under the car on the other side

Something caused a shooting that would make the police come and caught her at any moment. The bands kept shooting at each other while you were behind a transport container

"What were you thinking?! I told you to stay with the police!"

"I'm sorry, I counted until I know, then I saw you following the car, so I followed too. But before they caught me I hid in there...I'm sorry..." You pulled out a walkie-talkie

"I got two from the police station. I left one in there so the others thought the guys of that car were betraying them, it should have worked to scape with no bad guys seeing us"

She was impressed. However, there was no time to ask where you learn that from

Analyzing the situation the principal scape was blocked, fortunately they hadn't noticed you yet so–

You pulled her shirt, pointing somewhere else

"Let's get out"

General headcanons

Sylvia was still surprised that your plan of exiting through a rear window she hadn't seen and walk away without hurry could work

She stopped walking to watch you smash the walkie-talkie and take out some matches to burn it

"Now they can't find footprints!"

The police may not get answers about it but she had many questions for you

She lied to you about the HQ, after the shooting her lie was on the floor. Thenceforth Sylvia's not able to tell if you were playing along and keeping her secret or you have no idea what's all about

You thought her name was Handler. When you knew she was called Sylvia Sherwood you pointed your hoody logo and say "S of Super, you're superman–Superwoman!"

That's how she begun to be mistaken with an endearing mother and her son. She was superwoman and you "kid", because you said that's how you were called, along with child, shrimp, demon...

"That's unacceptable". She handed you lists of names to choose, unfortunately no one convinced you

It wasn't until you two went to a jewelry store that you found the name

The casual way you break in HQ when you want still frustrates her, how do you do it?? You don't see big deal though

Fullmetal lady didn't remember how tough was motherhood

Anyone would freak out if they found out about spies. Yet there you are, admiring flying guys in underpants

Sylvia asked you about your family, but you always tell the same: you lived with dad until he left you with a woman that he said was your mom

The Handler found out your father is a repeat offender, currently on a maximum security prison in another country. Both him and the woman without offspring legally

"Please, don't tell me one of his criminal records is jailbreaking"

The informant doubted "Actually, that's the main one"

"..."

The Forgers

Scenario where it's up to both of them to adopt you. To keep Loid's mental sanity safe it will be independent of the timeline where Yor has a kid on her own, feel free to imagine both kids being Anya's siblings at the same time. You can ask me to include that idea if I write more about this

How you met

As I said before Twilight wouldn't adopt anyone due his job, only one kid for Operation Strix and that was Anya. For now Yor didn't want more kids, she loves Anya and that's enough for them

Not for Anya. She wanted a little sibling

All started talking with Becky when Damian mentioned his brother. Back at home she brought the topic and neither Pa or Ma were giving her an answer of where babies come from

That's when she begun to feel like being a sister. Any plan helped her to convince her parents though

Anya remembered something Mr Henderson told them. "If you want something, take it into your own hands"

And she took it too seriously

Next day Anya and Bond disappeared, she was in the dogs park with Yor

While Mrs Forger panicked Anya had returned to the place she met Twilight

As the time passed the Forgers worried more. When they found Anya and Bond at their building's door they felt relieved

Your presence didn't make things better

They asked Anya where she had been and where did you come from. She said she adopted you

Of course Anya wasn't going to say she broke into an orphanage and took you

Loid's scolding made you cry

"Anya, we aren't adopting–"

"If she's not my sister I won't go to school ever again!!"

"Just for a trial period" that's what Loid hoped

General headcanons

Loid thought babies were easy because it's unnecessary (more impossible) communication with a living being that can't talk; after all babies only have basic needs. He was wrong

It would be easier if you could talk. Why are you crying? You have eaten! Are you sad? Cold? You dislike him?

Yor is not better either. Because her parents died when Yuri was a kid Yor didn't have experience with changing diapers, or anything related with babies

She was more scared than Loid to the point she didn't want to hold you. She broke Yuri's ribs with a hug when he was a toddler, what if she kills you with few contact?

In less than 24 hours you already had a crib and all kinds of things a baby would need. However, having three bedrooms and parents sleeping in separate rooms meant all your things ended in Anya's room

You cried at night until they discovered you calmed down when Anya let you a plushie to hug

She can't wait for the day pa and ma share bed to take back her bedroom

The second night Anya had an idea

Ma is scared of being your mom, solution? Leave you in her bed while Yor is asleep imagining that would work

Thanks God Yor doesn't move much when sleeping. On the other hand Yor is a light sleeper due not being used to sleep with someone so she woke up minutes later

She almost jump out of the bed, realizing that would make you cry made her contain. You groaned, did she wake you up? Yor wasn't sure of holding you, instead she laid down again and approached you to her chest

Seeing you so peaceful by her side melted her, thinking about it you looked a bit like her and Loid.. She blushed at the embarrassing thought

Bold of them to not imagine that's why Anya chose you

In the morning Loid discovered what happened and had a little words with Anya during breakfast before she went to school

Yor went to work and he decided to take a day off from his work to spend the morning with you. The Handler said the first days you should see them to recognize faces

Walks with Bond, buying toys, trying to teach you sign language...Normal stuff

Loid is glad you don't do anything but sleep and eat, except your obsession with munching. When you first kissed Yor he found it normal until you munched her cheek and now you do that to everyone; probably you're teething

Yor found it really cute, but you shouldn't go kissing and chewing cheeks. Anya thinks is funny just don't try to chew her hair again please

Another problem came with names. Loid was going through a list of 850 names in alphabetical order, meanings included; Yor didn't take it to the extreme

"Hum, what about Rose? I think it's a cute name, I mean it's both decision and I'm not good with names Loid–"

Welcome to the family Rose

A spy, an assassin, a telepath and... Well, a baby. Seems like a good mix

Yor Briar

As we know Twilight only would adopt for Operation Strix's sake. Yor became mother by marrying Loid, but what if she had already a kid before being Mrs Forger?

Inspired by this post of @say-seira

How you met

Long ago before Twilight adopted the identity of Loid Forger, the Briars moved to a flat in Berlint

While the eldest sibling had recently become an adult Yuri was only a kid, Yor decided to move to the city so he had nearer his school. It was possible due her proper salary as Thorn Princess

This change would make her job easier too. She had a new client which death could pay Yuri's entrance to a good university

There was a politician who negotiated with terrorists, helping them to get into Ostania and providing them with weapons in exchange to gain good propaganda abroad and getting rid of competition

Knowing this was enough to make Yor's blood boil. He deserved to die, she was sure of it

Struggling with the security around him, Yor finally killed the target without leaving trace

The only inconvenience was a bad injury made by a bullet that she received. After removing the bullet the wound got worse

She went to the hospital to avoid an infection. In the waiting room she met a kind lady, Yor swore that she had seen her before

The woman was scared, but Yor reassured her she will wait her

While Yor was attended the girl was taken to another room. As she promised, Yor waited in the hall after her wound was treated; with a buttoned medical gown on because she didn't want to attract more attention due the bandaged wound in sight

Time passed and many people enter and exit from the room, but she didn't. A nurse carrying something mistook her for one of the staff and scolded her for standing there

"Here, take the baby to the nursery"

"Me? But— wait! What about the woman? Is she okay?"

From afar she heard the answer, but before Yor could explain the error the woman had left. She was shocked, how? She seemed fine

Against her will the dark-haired looked at the lump she was holding: rosy cheeks babbling in dreams, you were in peace

Her shock grew when she saw you shared the username that the man she killed had. That's why the woman was familiar: she was the politician's daughter

Yor searched someone who hand the baby when she recognized the doctor that guided the woman to the room, he was talking with a masked nurse

The fact they went to a private place and maintained their voices low made her suspect

"Did you take care of the mother?" the nurse asked

"Yes, they got ahead of us with her father but I think they will pay us anyway. When they found it was a medical negligence we'll be far from here"

Yor understood they were assassins as well, probably paid by a rival. Luckily they hadn't seen her yet

"Heh, do you they will pay more if we got rid of the baby?"

Yor left the hospital with you, unsure of what to do. Did you have more relatives? The widowed politician didn't have more kids, and your mother came alone. What if they wanted to kill the rest of the family?

A small hand grabbed hers, and every fear disappeared. Looking at each other, she knew you were safer with her. Perhaps it was only guilt or sympathy, but she would try

General headcanons

The moment Yuri saw Yor holding you was in disbelief. Yor said she found you in the streets and he believed it

At first he tried to convince her sister to leave you in a orphanage but once scolding was enough to cease

Still disliking you for the first months. It took some time until he saw you like one of his family

Yuri helped, although they had a rough time because you refused to eat Yor's purees. Your endurance might grew up to make you the only person who can eat her food without bleeding but it doesn't mean you like its flavor

She viewed you as a sibling until you were two, being called mom made Yor too happy to correct you. Yuri was just Yuri, you never feel like using formalities with him or addressing "Uncle" everytime you talked

Yor decided to let your belongings, it was better that way. When you were older, and only if you wanted, she would tell you the truth

She's bad with names, Rose was the only name she could think of but you're a boy. Yor's parents loved that Yuri and her had matching names, therefore you would be the sweet addition to it

The only name I could think of is Yuu because it's gender neutral and means "you" sorry

During the first year of your life she didn't try to hide the blood of her clothes from you. Yuri never suspected either and you wouldn't remember it when you grow up

Your lack of childhood amnesia was something she didn't have in count. Not that she knows you know anyway

Yor has been training you since you were able to walk, if she wasn't there when you needed at least you would be ready to defend yourself. Proud to say you're her strong boy

That said, if the assassins that tried to killed you found were you lived it's something you ignore. Being the protective mother Yor is they could be dead by now

Six years later, it was still Yor and you against the world, with Yuri being the only paternal figure you had. Before one day she met a man and everything changed

She said he will help her by accompanying her to a party so Yuri stopped worrying about her. She said it would be one night, and the next morning you woke up with Yor waiting to talk with you

In part she accepted because of you; you passed the Eden exam before knowing you needed a dad for it. That requisite seemed stupid for you, as you reassured her you could go to any other school; now you would be accepted into the best school!

You agreed and started packing. What else you could do? The decision was made before you were asked anyway, and you didn't want to argue with your mom because she was doing it for your future too

Of course it affected you. No matter how nice they were it was a huge change; in one day you had to move to a new place which didn't feel like home and live with strangers who you'll have to share mom with isn't easy

Anya was nervous too, but for different reasons. She was so excited to meet her soon-to-be sibling! For her, who was an orphan last week, having a pa, a ma and a friend to play with was great

Her expectations went down when she read your mind. You didn't think bad of them, but excited wasn't the word to describe your emotional state either

Loid may not be good at understanding children, but it was clear for him you wasn't comfortable. For him would be weirder if you didn't seem affected at all

On the contrary, Yor seemed cool with all of this to you. Even without any idea of how to be a wife or mother for Anya she enjoyed her time as Forger, which confused you a bit

Yor is happier, not only because she didn't have to worry about the SSS or Yuri anymore. They make her happier, it's just matter of time she could fall for Loid and have a baby that was her own, real kid

Being sure Yor loves you and your new family want you to feel welcomed doesn't make disappear the feelings you carry with. Still, if mom is happy you prefer to keep it to yourself and try to maker her smile too

If it wasn't because Yuri hates the idea of her sister hiding her marriage for a year and sympathized your situation he would have laughed at the irony when you told him during your uncle-nephew walk the next day of his meeting with "Loiloi"

He doesn't know they got married before you attended school so he assumed you had been holding it for a long time. He passed his fingers through your hair

"I understand it's difficult, but I'll be for you whenever you need me"

+ Honorable mention to compensate you for the mild ansgt without warning

Daybreak

We don't know much about him but I included this dork for fun

Thinking about "Daybreak" and "parenthood" makes anyone's mind stopped working

Mainly because it's difficult to say which one would be the child

Not "How you met headcanons" because he wouldn't be able to adopt to begin with

From what we saw in chapter 27 he seems to live alone, depending on his amazing spy career to afford pork steak for dinner. So he must not live too good given that after his first mission he was fired

If he had a child, it would be likely because of a previous relationship he had and didn't end well

He didn't adopt you. You're his biological kid, the only not adopted of this gang

Sorry we can't choose our family good luck ig

Not necessarily ended bad, even remaining as friends, your mother took a different path and is happily married with another man

If she knew he wanted to be a spy either thought "it's a joke" or *sigh*

She was who brought money in the relationship, now you live with her and your step-dad but at the beginning you didn't want to

Daybreak talked with you and promised you could visit each other and even live with him when he could afford it

They don't get it

Who would take care of him? The idea of living on his own was frightening to you

Imagine being father and is your kid who worries about whether pops know how to pay taxes without mom

You took after him in terms of appearance. Any signal of intelligence was from your mother

Average smart but surely smarter than him

Probably he thanked God that you were a boy. He will love whatever you are but he was relieved of saving himself of buying female products when you were on that time of the month and guide you through puberty

As much as he says to be a charming man he's not good with women either so

Your name is Sunny. Guess who chose it

Probably you see him more on weekends than during the week

Until you showed him Spy Wars he didn't have no idea that existed such good series

Of course not cooler than the legend he is but Daybreak jokes about how reading that and seeing your cool pops in action would make you half as good spy as he is someday

Quite sad is that your common sense along with the things you see on TV are enough to be better spy material

You try to watch it with him to see if he learns something

Unsure of what you'll be in the future but in the mean time you had fun watching cartoons and liking kids stuff like dinosaurs and skateboard

Current status: Busy with your first year at school and getting him out of trouble

#spy x family #sxf headcanons #sylvia sherwood #the handler #loid forger #yor forger #anya forger #yor briar #thorn princess #daybreak #child!reader

[3desiderium3]

For your love

chapter five - On my own

[ series masterlist ]

previous chapter | next chapter

pairings : reader x damiano david

story summary : damiano and reader are in very loving relationship that sometimes almost too quickly becomes too toxic for anyone likings

chapter warning (s) : this is sad i made myself sad

" It was a pretty rough night not gonna lie .. She barely managed to fall asleep around 8 am . I woke up a few times to check upon her cause she had her nose clogged from all that crying . "

Victoria said over phone to Thomas .

It was around one in the noon . She was frying some eggs and vegetables for her and Y/N to eat .

" How did it went over there ? " "Jesus I wish I knew honestly . "

Thomas admitted sighing .

" When he came here last night he was crying . Like really hard . It took him 30 minutes to calm down and tell me what he did .. " " And ? " " I tried punching him in the face but I ended up hurting my hand more . " Vic chuckled upon the thought of Thomas hitting someone , especially Damiano .

" And I don't know he just continued to cry and smoke cigs . I swear to Jesus he smoked like whole 3 packs in one night . I am not sure when he fell asleep or if he did . But there was not much talking here trust me . "

Both of them went silent . Not being able to choose one side . Both Y/N and Damiano where their long known friends and dear people in general .

" Y/N is more than my best friend . She is my family . I would do anything that I can to keep her safe , just like with you . That's why I am feeling so guilty upon meeting her with Damiano. "

" Hon' it was not your fault remember ? " The other line was silent .

" Have you ever wondered how it would look like if they didn't end up together ? "

" Yeah .. I mean maybe .. You know I did often when I found myself in between their arguments . "

" Pft please , they where soft near you comparing to their usual . "

Thomas lighted up his cigarette , the sound of him taking a drag was pretty clear .

" I almost left the band cause of them remember ? At that period Damiano and I had lots of small fights and arguments . "

Vic turned off the stove placing the food in plates skillfully.

" Hold up I need to give Y/N breakfast . " " Aight I'm waitin' . "

" Babes are you awake ? " The blond girl called out for her friend . Y/N was laying on her side of the bed , all the sheets and pillows where thrown in the corner of the room . She didn't wanted anything that smelled like Damiano near her . Instead she slept on bare mattress , Victoria's traveling pillow and she covered herself with the blanket from living room .

" I am not hungry yet , can you just please leave the plate here ? "

" Sure I'll be downstairs . Just call . "

No respond , she just closed the door behind her after glancing at Y/N last time .

Vic was cleaning the stinky apartment whole morning , it was not bothering her in fact . She knew Y/N would do the same for her .

" Tom you there ? " She cooed once her phone was in her grasp again . " Yeah yeah I was talking to Damiano . " " Is he alright ? " " I am not sure really . I think not obviously , but now after this I am not expecting anything normal from him ever again . " " Oh come on it was a - " " If you just dare to finish the sentence I will kill you . How can that be an accident ?? Rape is not an accident ! He was fully aware Victoria !! " " Pshh be quite you idiot ! " She tried hushing her friend after turning around herself paranoid like someone overheard their conversation .

" He is showering now don't worry . We should not be taking sides on this one but Vic .. He is not good for her ... Neither is she for him .. This is lasting for 3 years .. Remember ? "

" Don't fucking remind me . "

Silence . Both of them trying to understand the policy of their friends relationship .

" He threatened to kill himself so many times if she leaves him .. "

" She was so heartbroken each time that she was the one actually considering suicide . "

" I remember one time they had some huge fight as always and she came to my house in like 3 am crying and talking some nonsenses . "

" They never had a filter , especially around us , sometimes it gets just too tiring ya know ? "

" They made me and Ethan cry so many times Jesus Vic you have the biggest nerve here . " Her friend admitted with chuckle.

" Should we like ... talk to them each day and convince them to break up ? "

Deadly silence .

One was sure . Y/N and Damiano shouldn't ever be together again .

" Are we bad friends for doing this ? " " Pft please , we are doing service to everyone . "

" I am so confused and so worried for Y/N , I will talk to Damiano later and then call you to see if something improved and to update you . How is Y/N feeling now ? "

" Not so good bro , I think she is considering that breakup as well . Everything is still so confusing and not in order . "

" Alright Vic , gonna call later , bye love you . "

" Love you too bye . "

* meanwhile in Thomas house *

Thomas hanged up his half hour long conversation with Victoria . He rubbed his eyes hardly throwing the cellphone on the kitchen table where he was standing smoking .

To be honest he was also crying with Damiano last night . He couldn't imagine the amount of pain Y/N was suffering . His still pulsing bruised hand started to feel a bit better . He regretted only hitting Damiano , but they all knew he was the weakest out of all boys in the group .

Damiano was laying in his bed dressed in his chlotes fresh out of shower.

Crying again .

It was slowly starting to make Thomas mad .

' Why didn't he cry last night when he abused her? '

" Oi , whats the matter now ? Why are you crying again ? Cause you are an asshole or complete idiot ? " " Thomas shut the fuck up . I am not capable of having that conversation . " Damiano's voice was raspy and cracked .

" Well we are gonna have this conversation , in fact right now . Where where your tears last night when you raped her ? " " It wasn't ra -" " It was ! You fucked her without her consent ! What the fuck where you thinking ! "

" I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING ! "

He stood up from the bed crying his bottom lip shaking .

" I DON'T FUCKING KNOW ! I WAS MAD AT HER ! MICHAEL WAS THERE ! I HAD THE WORST SCENARIOS RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD I GOT SCARED ! "

Thomas was in slight shock . Was Damiano really that dumb ?

" Are you serious ? I can't actually believe how selfish and egoistic you are . You raped my best friend because you got mad at her that her ex was there ? "

This was actually the first time in 3 years someones words affected Damiano about his behavior towards Y/N . He sat back on the bed holding his head in his hands .

" I took you in cause I care about you . You are my friend . But I will never forgive you this . You can stay here as much as you want but don't expect any special treatment from me . "

" Should I call her ? I must apologize . "

Thomas snorted .

" No . You must not apologize , you must beg her on your knees to forgive you . You must beg her to even look at you . I know I wouldn't if I was her . No matter what you do she will love you forever and that is the problem . "

Damiano was highly affected by his friends words. In his mind he was only picturing whimpering Y/N whose head he was holding down with his hand , her tears where soaked up on that backseat .

'I will rather die than look her in the eyes again.'

* meanwhile in Y/N's house *

" Are you sure I am not bothering ? I can always ask Thomas to stay with him ? " Y/N asked Victoria while both of them where packing some of Y/N's stuff in the suitcase .

" Yeah absolutely , we are going to spend some quality time healing and having fun . "

Y/N made her final decision , she was going to break up with Damiano this time for real .

She didn't have that much of her stuff , all the clothes , jewelry , letters , poems and all the other gifts she received from Damiano she placed in on huge box and left it on the center of their bed .

" Can I tell Thomas you are staying with me ? "

"Yes but alarm him not to tell Damiano .. I do not wanna hear a word from him . "

Vic simply nodded and in a less than an hour they where all packed leaving the past behind .

* three weeks later *

Things where only worse for our lovers .

Damiano heard no word from Y/N and neither did she from him .

She was expecting it to be honest .

Everyday was same as the other . Too long , too cold and filled with cigarette smoke .

All Y/N did was sometimes leave her room when she didn't wanted to offend Vic after putting effort into preparing the meal , she would listen to whatever record Victoria had , smoke all the cigarettes till she vomited , drink vodka away from her roommates sight and cry herself everyday regretting her whole relationship .

' He never fucking loved me .. I cheated on Michael with him just so he could fuck me over .. He never loved me .. He was just obsessed and he wanted me in his possession '

The fact Damiano didn't try reaching her was painful , it was providing sharp stings in her chest and it gave her headaches .

She saw him in every song , he was always on her mind . She wished she could delete all the memories and feelings just like she deleted the pictures . . .

Damiano was not much different than her .

He was also crying a lot , smoking a lot , not drinking but overthinking . He didn't knew Y/N moved out .. No one understood why it took him 3 weeks to try and reach her .

He didn't understood either .

He was trying to come up with the perfect apologize . He wanted to show her he was willing to do better . Willing to change . To prove her he was ready to change . He was sure that Y/N wouldn't return his calls . She understood her . He expected her to be mad and stubborn she had every reason to be .

Thomas was barely speaking to him . Only some formalities . Måneskin was put on hold their rehearsals , Vic and Thomas being very strict in their communication with Damiano while Ethan was very confused and unsure of what is going on .

Damianos mom and Y/N's parents also weren't included in the situation .

The day he planned on returning home , so sure that he would be greeted by her embrace , came .

He shaved his face for the first time in 3 weeks , he changed his underwear for the first time in 3 weeks , he wore simple suit and he drove all the way into the depths of the town to buy the most glorious flowers that his Y/N loved .

He wasn't planning on just winning her over with some flowers and gifts , or the dialog he practiced in his head and in front of his mirror .

Upon reaching the yard of their house he frowned . There was something different . Something wrong . .

He was walking slowly , looking all around himself , gripping the bouquet of flowers in his sweaty palm .

He stood in front of the door .

It was wrong . Something was wrong .

His mind scream . He hoped he was very paranoid once again .

His hand rose up to ring the door bell . He was nervous and afraid .

You are being worried for no reason .

He kept reasurinf himself.

So he rang .

Once

Twice

Four times . Four long times .

No one opened .

Was she home ? After all he came unannounced . Maybe she is sleeping ?

" Y/N! Y/N it's me ! Please open the door ! "

He was starting to sweat .

He searched with his shaking hands through his pocket to find the house keys . He unlocked the door . The house was empty and cold .

It was not smelling like her . Cause there was no one , she wasn't home . Not for an hour , not for the day , not here in a while .

He kept calling for her . " Y/N ! " He dropped the keys and flowers on the kitchen table .

He started roaming the house in panic . Even trying to sense some sort of smell . He was afraid she killed herself so his nose searched for the rotting corpse smell.

Every bad scenarios possible went through his head .

He ran towards their room . Empty .

Even their pets weren't there . She was gone .

Y/N left him . For real this time . For good .

He started to breath heavily . Tears forming in his eyes . The big box on their bed .

Inside of it all his gifts to her . All his clothes she loved wearing . He took one hoodie she often every time she was cleaning . He placed it under his nose . It still held her scent . Her ghost was there , in the shape of the memories one cardboard box held .

He was crying , repeating her name , calling it out . Kissing her dresses and watering them with tears .

He was on his own . There was no one he wanted more than her . He realized what he had once he lost it . He was alone for the first time .

taglist : @ella-nordstrm3 , @urskaa , @lovelysaltyland , @littleachaos , @whoreforhenrycavill , @13journals , @onceuponparrilla , @21nell , @davedace101 , @vainbimbo , @aliyeaz , @vandafabryova , @miriampraez , @foggyhottubcandy , @daringovangel , @inr89

#damiano david #damiano maneskin #maneskin #italy #zitti e buoni #eurosong #eurovision #eurovision 2021 #eurovision italy #victoria de an #ethan torchio #thomas raggi #fanfic #sad #romance #relationship #breakup #lovers