#I remember being 15-16 and thinking wow is there a life after 20??? oh well
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For the other news, my bday is like… in an hour????
#I’m turning 24 for the good half of my mutual I’m a senior citizen#I remember being 15-16 and thinking wow is there a life after 20??? oh well#although I miss my teens sometimes being in your 20s is soooo much better
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DNP Rewatch: A Festive Day in the Life of Dan and Phil!
Date video was published: 12/20/2014 (X)
DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 254
The 2014 DITL video! The last one had been back in August 2013. This is my absolute favorite DITL and probably one of my top five DNP joint videos of all time. Get ready for me to have way too much to say about it.
0:00 - sleepy morning + quiff Phil! We’ll see a surprising amount of that in this video.
0:05 - “almost a week till Christmas,” so they must have filmed this just a few days before it was posted
0:25 - no waking up Dan in “his” bedroom like in the first two DITL. Hmmm...this scene doesn’t seem staged at all...especially since Phil’s laptop is already open on the arm of the sofa. Unless he just left it like that overnight.
0:37 - love that the other advent calendar on the mantle in the one they made. 😂 There are 18 of the doors opened on it, so they’re probably filming this on the the 18th or 19th of December.
0:47 - they both jump into doing the theme music as soon as Phil says “titan”
0:57 - that is pretty late for them to be putting up the decorations! Phil looks sad about it too.
1:01 - sad tinsel. I think Phil had the silver piece in the background in his last video. And the little WALLE in the background here, from all the way back in PINOF. 🥺
1:17 - this domestic insight, just 😭😭😭
1:26 - full circle back to the first DITL video. I wonder if they watched the previous DITLs before filming this one.
1:41 - so many mugs.
1:48 - Dan did not want that one because it was very hard to actually drink out of as he discovered in DITL London. I really bet they did watch the previous ones shortly before this...so many references back!
1:55 - awww, happy warm Phil
2:13 - such a dramatic sigh but he goes to get it anyway!
2:25 - well that is a terrifying way to burn a tealight...put it on a dish!
2:33 - I love that there is no explanation for this in the video. Phil is superstitious about new shoes on the table, which they had both tweeted about before.
2:40 - Dan fashion show and an encouraging Phil
2:47 - immediate smile when Dan notices Phil there
2:56 - why does Phil looks SO GOOD in this clip. also, as usual a weird/slightly horrifying poem from his brain.
3:02 - love that they both decided to wear holiday jumpers. They also wore these same ones for their December radio show. Also the Dan lean-in 🥺
3:12 - PJ tweeted about this DNP visit!
3:27 - this whole leaving scene is possibly the most domestic part of any video - the candle argument, the coat adjustment, the stop in the bathroom to check their hair, Phil checking to make sure Dan has keys, the spider checking and joking... I mean.
4:13 - more throwback conversation to DITL London
4:35 - so glad he chose not to lick his hand. Even more horrifying in 2021.
4:40 - Dan talked about this and falling up the escalator in What not to do on Public Transport
5:00 - “bit corporate isn’t it?” but caves immediately because Phil wants to.
5:10 - Love that Phil orders while Dan finds a table. Love that Phil makes Dan draw something happy not just a sad face. Love Dan’s huge smile after that.
5:33 - Dan really can’t say much he was reading his phone in the clip right before this!
5:58 - Dan’s talking about this weird incident that Phil posted a clip of on LessAmazingPhil
6:18 - they always go to at least one nerdy shop in the first DITLs!
6:36 - the things they choose to zoom in on in this shop...Dan with Spiderman’s crotch a few seconds before this and now Phil on the shirtless guy book cover. subtle, lol.
7:29 - I had actually heard of this board game prior to this video because Wil Wheaton did a TableTop episode. I remember being so surprised to see DNP wanting it!
7:39 - Phil and his weird people encounters. 😂 And Dan just mocking him for it.
7:59 - they did, in fact, go to see Matilda the next summer.
8:10 - oh my god this clock scene. Of course Phil wants to make a game of it. And then Dan with the seemingly slight fudging of what he was pointing at. And this look and then both of them giggling. 👀
8:32 - that start of Dan’s running! This is around the time or shortly after he had started to see a therapist (according to the timeline he gave in Daniel and Depression), so thinking he probably wanted to start for his mental health.
9:11 - Dan talks about the “guy wearing the white sheet in Manchester” in What not to do In Town. Their reminiscing faces are too much.
9:19 - Phil is so excited about this. He had tweeted a couple times in the past about Moomins (1, 2)
9:37 - the excitement about the treats and the festive drinks and decorations and Phil’s teasing 😭
10:04 - they film fairly often in the back of cars and I just feel like must be so awkward, but it doesn’t seem to bother them. And Phil’s hair is quiffed again!
10:28 - and the stairs song! Which they are too prepared for so it must be a regular thing they say/sing. This video has SO MANY moments that I love.
10:51 - Phil just sitting while Dan hauls the tree box out. Maybe Dan lost rock-paper-scissors.
10:59 - reminiscing about THE TREE now, which is the last time they decorated on camera
11:09 - why is this a common theme in DITLs!? lol. Love that they’ve lit the candle again after getting home.
11:22 - “stop doing that” as he can’t control his giggles. sure.
12:03 - okay, Phil had to go get the other decorations! The “Christmas faces” are slightly horrifying
12:22 - that is the most horrifying. also, Dan and Phil themed toys/decor even in the bathroom.
13:02 - Dan’s little messed up piece of hair in the back is so cute. Also love that they have the garlands up and everything at this point too.
13:19 - even more quiff-Phil!
13:31 - their fridge contents are not great
14:04 - unexpected filming but a huge grin anyway from Phil. Also, how do they make just answering the door so awkward, lol. Also: what is that picture in the background in the bathroom(?)
14:32 - they’re so excited about this set up and dinner plan
14:43 - and now glasses Phil! Also, arguing about wrapping neatness. I love it. Although when we see Phil’s wrapping in a minute, I think I might agree with Dan...
15:03 - PJ will end up with one of these face banks
15:10 - Phil came up with some decent gifts for Kath this time, although he didn’t think she had good ideas.
15:18 - I find it so cute that Dan wants to keep the cookbook
15:30 - Dan looks almost embarrassed to share this. He’s also got something “12 Days of Christmas” themed in that blue box on the chair. Although apparently a lot of his family just wanted money.
15:37 - I have no words for Dan filming this closeup and then them choosing to keep it in the video.
16:16 - Phil’s trying to be all serious with his wrapping tutorial and then the tape just immediately falls. 😂
16:40 - “it’s endearing” Dan does look pretty endeared, lol. Dan’s concerned because the face banks are actually gifts from both of them, at least according to PJ
17:04 - wow, Vine mention
17:25 - Dan’s just expecting Phil to come up with a great pun on the spot. Also, the lobster thing is an old reference.
17:39 - I think I mentioned this in the last DITL post, but I like that we do see even in a short video that they spend some time alone. That’s just so normal, especially for introverts even when you’re that comfortable with someone.
17:45 - Phil will keep reading that book over the holidays
17:48 - we did see the inside of the chest. So what is Dan implying here, lol.
17:52 - well then. Dan’s giggly face though.
18:08 - soft piano Dan 😭
18:25 - Ariana Grande had sent them both cat ears after they met her for the radio show
18:37 - a glimpse at the early gaming channel set-up.
18:46 - we don’t actually see that footage in the gaming video
18:51 - it must be pretty late at night by this point considering it was dark when they came home
19:15 - Phil’s first instinct is to throw it of course
19:18 - this face and the sweater paws. I can’t. 😭
19:25 - and of course a joint ending.
19:40 - Dan is so sleepy and happy seeming here
20:13 - awwww 🥺 The last video of 2014!
One difference from the first two DITL is they don’t even pretend that they’re going to see other friends/invite someone over. Just the two of them hanging out and they seem quite happy with that. This is probably the most “domestic” of the DITL videos. I love it so much.
Phil went to his parents’ on the 23rd to celebrate Christmas. He had Swedish food, was very excited as usual, got a stocking with a toothbrush and animal socks, and watched Guardians of the Galaxy. Dan went to his family’s on the evening of the 24th after a candle incident (lol, though I love that he was burning the candles even without Phil there. He started the tradition of yearly Christmas pictures of Colin. And also posted this.
On to the 2015 videos, and the start of the TABINOF/TATINOF era!
#dan and phil#dnp#dnpRewatch#amazingphil#daniel howell#phil lester#danisnotonfire#amazingphil videos#A Festive Day in the Life of Dan and Phil!#ditl
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Upon request, here is a rec list of bottom Louis fics with everyone’s favorite trope - sharing a bed! We hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!
1) Just Like Live Wires | Explicit | 5427 words
Harry climbs into Louis' bed when he's cold. Louis pines.
2) Been Gone Way Too Long | Explicit | 8836 words
“This can’t be happening,” Louis says, banging his hand against the window. “This seriously can’t be happening right now.”
Things like this only happen in the movies. Things like this don’t happen in real life. There’s no way that he’s seriously been snowed in. There’s no way that the heating is broken. There’s no way that it’s going to take upwards of twenty-four hours and probably a lot longer for the storm to break and someone to come and rescue them.
“Just sit down, Louis,” Harry sighs from somewhere behind him. He sounds miserable, like he’s already feeling the cold.
Louis whirls around and points a finger at him. “Did you plan this?” he demands a little hysterically. He regrets the question as soon as it’s out of his mouth, but he thinks he’s got a valid point. It’s not like this storm just came out of nowhere - it has to have been on the news for a couple of days, at least. Plenty of time for Harry to have canceled this excursion.
3) I'm Trying Not To Make A Sound | Explicit | 10452 words
Louis thinks he could die right there. He can’t feel anything but the tingling sensation all over his skin. He’s throwing away all his past thoughts on trying to be straight and denying his reactions towards other men, he just wants more of this numbing feeling. Everything else is a long lost memory, can’t think of anything else besides, wow, this feels incredible.
4) Enjoy The Ride | Not Rated | 11103 words
The one where Louis, an omega more than tired of being treated as lesser than alphas, is forced on a road trip by his beta besties only to meet Harry who might just be the alpha he never knew he wanted.
5) Cuffed | Not Rated | 15254 words
What would you do if you were handcuffed to your enemy for 48 hours?
6) Up For It | Explicit | 18223 words
The one where Liam is Mr Organised, Zayn is too perceptive for his own good, Niall is a compulsive matchmaker, and Harry and Louis might just have the surprise to shock them all.
7) Holiday Greetings (And Gay Happy Meetings) | Not Rated | 18417 words | Sequel
Note: This fic has no smut, but it has omega Louis. The sequel has smut.
The one where Niall's dead car and and a foot of snow conspire to force Louis into spending time with an alpha he hates.... or does he?
8) The Aurora Zone | Explicit | 19633 words
The one where Harry is busy crossing off his bucket list while Louis is busy falling for the guy he's supposed to hate.
9) I Wanna Be More Than Friends | Not Rated | 20721 words
The one where Harry’s an alpha with no sense of smell, Louis’ an omega who isn’t allowed to scent his best friend, and that’s all they’ll ever be. Obviously.
10) Etched In Salt (Is A Cathedral Of The World) | Explicit | 24417 words
Note: This fic has BH mentions. It is also locked and can only be read by AO3 users.
Louis asks for very few things in life, and they are: to solve cases, to keep bad people from doing their bad things, to get good coffee, to go home to a spacious apartment with nobody else in it, and to manage his stupid telempathy powers with minimal interference. And now he's stuck in a tiny cabin in a snowstorm in the middle of god-awful-nowhere with Harry Styles. Because of course he is.
11) Like A Siren In The Night | Explicit | 25868 words
“There is an infestation in my home,” Louis hisses, righting himself quickly and pushing his way past Harry, heading directly for the kitchen. He’s rather haphazardly dressed himself, a coat thrown on over a loose flannel shirt and black pants, slippers on his feet.
Harry resists the urge to sigh, closing the door and trailing behind him slowly. “What kind of infestation?”
For all he knows, Louis is going to claim that there’s a ghost infestation. Harry has no idea what the end game is here – all he knows is that Louis has found at least three complaints a week to bring up since he’s been living on Harry’s property, and he’s been living here for six months.
It’s way too many fucking complaints, is what Harry is saying. Especially when most of them are ridiculous to start with.
12) Always Come Back To You | Explicit | 28682 words
“I’ll do it,” Harry offers brightly. No one even blinks. “I’ll do it?”
Louis sighs irritably. “Shut up,” he orders, tossing a pillow in the general direction of Harry’s face. This is a terrible time for jokes, especially Harry’s lame, old people ones.
Not that it was an old people joke. Just that most of the time Harry’s jokes consist of knock-knocks or terrible puns. The type of jokes old people like, Louis’ pretty sure. His nan always finds them hilarious when Harry tells her one.
Harry bats the pillow out of the air without even blinking. “Be reasonable, Lou,” he says in his most reasonable voice.
Louis is perfectly reasonable, thank you very much, and he’s also frustrated and upset and tired and he really wants to punch something. Maybe he should have held on to that pillow a little longer.
“You’re not gonna fucking do it,” he snaps. “That’s the last thing I need.”
13) We’re Not Who We Used To Be | Explicit | 30611 words
“Harry…” Louis’ voice catches in his throat, thick with tears threatening to fall out, so he coughs to clear it before trying again. “Harry is Liam’s best man?”
“You didn’t know?”
Harry is standing at the entrance of the garage, mouth slightly open and face pulled together. He sets his bag on the ground and puts his hands on his hips. When he does that, he looks just like the Harry that Louis remembers (and loves, he thinks with an aching heart).
“I’m sure I mentioned it,” Liam says, but Louis can tell he’s lying by the way he chews on his lower lip and twists his fingers together.
“You’re all a bunch of dick heads, I’m getting in the car.” Louis isn’t sure if he’s being unreasonable. He has no idea what the protocol is when your ex-boyfriend shows up after three years and nobody bothered to give you a heads up. He’s pretty sure he’s allowed to be upset about it, even if it’s only for a bit.
14) Blind From This Sweet, Sweet Craving | Explicit | 31170 words
"So, I guess we'll go?" Louis asks later, when Harry has calmed down and eaten his weight in Chinese food. He plays with this chopsticks, spearing another piece of chicken and pops it in his mouth. "I mean, I wouldn't mind. We could make it an adventure."
Harry observes him, watches him seated across from him on their old living room carpet, with a container of food on his lap. He's fidgeting, avoiding meeting Harry's gaze–he probably knows that Harry's mad at him for ruining the one chance they had to get out of this situation. And he's not wrong, Harry is definitely very mad. Harry wants to strangle him and castrate him and smack him upside the head.
But he's also Harry's best friend, and despite everything, despite all the fuck-ups and the plot twists and everything just not playing out the way it should, he'd still rather be stuck in this situation with Louis than any of the other boys. He's got Harry's back, and in a weird, abstract way, he knows they'll be able to get out of this situation, together.
Harry sighs. "We're going," he says resignedly, his shoulders slumping.
Oh well. There are definitely worse ways to spend the weekend than pretending to be engaged to his best friend.
15) Welcome Back From The Friend Zone | Mature | 32584 words
The one where an idea to create a fake wedding with the sole intent to receive gifts from billionaires took a turn no one, but also everyone, saw coming.
16) Let Me Feel Your Heartbeat | Explicit | 34572 words
Harry is 98% sure Louis hates him. So he feels like his bewilderment is justified when the omega offers to help him through his rut.
17) Close To Nowhere | Explicit | 34589 words
Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting.
18) Playing To Win | Explicit | 36732 words
Big Brother UK alumni Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are selected for the UK vs Australia All Stars series with a massive one million dollar prize in the offing. They’re both fit and smart and would make a great alliance... if only they can stop their feelings from getting in the way.
19) If I Stay | Mature | 37226 words
Harry and Louis agree to a temporary arrangement that Harry can't seem to walk away from no matter how many times he tries.
20) The Space Between | Explicit | 39917 words
Harry Styles is the alpha rockstar who can’t sleep and doesn’t know why.
Louis Tomlinson is the omega PhD student who helps him figure it out.
21) Strangers In Love | Explicit | 42207 words
Louis wakes up to find himself in a marriage with the last man he thought he'd ever end up with.
22) Tangled Up In You | Explicit | 45152 words
Harry blinks once. And blinks again. And says, his voice dangerous: “Niall, did you get me a mail-order bride?”
Because what the actual fuck. It kind of looks like Niall’s just purchased a person. For Harry.
Niall blinks back at him for a few moments, before throwing his head back and howling with laughter. Harry throws a pillow at him. Hard. “No, what the fuck, Harry.”
“A prostitute then?” Harry also doesn't want a prostitute.
“Of course not!”
“A stripper?”
“No!”
Damn, he’s running out of ideas. He settles for launching another pillow at Niall’s head. Niall bats it away easily, still laughing. “Stop!”
“What did you get me, then?!” Niall must hear the tinge of hysteria in his voice, because he’s pulling himself together, trying to stop himself from laughing.
There’s still a big grin on his face, though, when he says, “I got you a professional cuddler.”
A professional…what. “What?”
23) No Going Back | Explicit | 56102 words
Sales reps Harry and Louis are bored with their jobs and their lives. After meeting at a conference in Cardiff they hook up, have a few too many drinks, and jokingly apply to become remote lighthouse keepers. Six months, just the two of them, looking after the southernmost lighthouse off the bottom of Australia. It’s not like their applications will be accepted. Right?
This is the story of how one choice - a left instead of a right, a go instead of a stop, a yes instead of a no - can change the future forever and that sometimes, taking that leap of faith, is worth the risk.
24) Waiting For The Tides To Meet | Explicit | 59873 words
Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.
25) Swallow The Knife | Explicit | 76158 words
“You came,” Louis says, still breathless, clinging to Harry, uncaring that his sweat is getting all over Harry’s presumably clean dad shirt, or that he’s making Harry hold up all of his weight.
“Of course I came,” Harry says. He shifts, one arm curled underneath Louis’ arse, the other spreading wide in the middle of Louis’ back. “If I ignored you every time you pissed me off we would have stopped being friends a long time ago.”
Louis already knows that, of course. It doesn’t do anything to stop the pleased squirm in his belly every time Harry proves it, though. They fight like nobody’s business, both of them too stubborn to pull their punches when they’re arguing, and it used to get them in trouble, but they always make up.
Adrenaline makes Louis loose-lipped, and they both know it. He tightens his arms around Harry’s neck, buries his face in his hair. “I missed you,” he confesses, quiet. “Doesn’t feel the same up there by myself.”
26) Waiting On You | Explicit | 76584 words
“Vampires,” Louis says with disgust, glaring over at the vampire who is noisily slurping from the woman’s neck nearby.
Zayn gives the neat fang marks on Louis’ neck a meaningful look.
“Can’t live with them, can’t live without them,” Louis finishes, ignoring Zayn when he rolls his eyes.
Louis takes a long sip of his milkshake, presses his fingers against the marks on his neck, and definitely doesn’t think about the vampire who left them there.
27) Perfect Storm | Explicit | 80230 words
What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding.
Harry and Louis choose the latter.
28) Nothing Worsens, Nothing Grows | Mature | 102528 words
Another roadtrip AU featuring Harry as the misunderstood hipster, Louis as the bitter psych major, Liam as the one with the secret boyfriend, and Niall as the one who just wants everyone to be happy.
Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.
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Fate and Phantasms #156
Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re making the clown prince of crime himself, the Archer of Shinjuku! Like the Caster of the Timeless Temple, a lot of pseudosingularity servants have their true names hidden. Personally I think it’s a dumb mechanic, but for the interests of keeping up appearances we’ll hide their names in the opening posts as well. That being said, it’s hard to go in-depth on a character and their abilities without revealing their identity, so expect spoilers below the cut.
Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!
Next up: Introducing the most problematic design since Literally Every Child Servant!
James Moriarty is a Mastermind Rogue for perfection in deception, as well as a Divination Wizard because some things you just can’t plan for. But you can take credit after the fact, and you’ll look super smart for doing so!
Race and Background
Despite your reputation, you are a Human, giving you +1 Dexterity and Wisdom. You also get Sleight of Hand proficiency for better burgling, and the Keen Mind feat for +1 Intelligence and a bevvy of brain bonuses that will make your DM’s life harder.
You started your life as a professor, but tbh it’s a lot easier to just grab the Criminal background. It’s also a lot more useful, giving you Deception and Stealth proficiency.
Ability Scores
No surprise here, but your highest score is going to be Intelligence. Your best crimes are basically “I wonder what this would do”, you’re like the mathematics version of a mad scientist. Aside from that, your Charisma is also pretty good, manipulating others is your go-to method of crime. After that is Wisdom, because playing people only works as long as you know you’re not being played. Your Dexterity isn’t amazing, but we can fix that later with magical nonsense. Your Constitution is bad, but your Strength is worse. You’re an old man, andyou definitely feel like one.
Class Levels
1. Rogue 1: First level rogues get a ton of proficiencies, like Dexterity and Intelligence saves, Perception, Insight, Performance, and Persuasion. The first one lets you hunt a bit easier in the dark streets of Shinjuku, while the other three make your manipulations more magnificent. You also get Expertise in two skills, doubling your proficiency bonus in Deception and Persuasion.
You also learn Thieves’ Cant. It’s a language. More usefully, you can make a Sneak Attack once per turn by using a ranged or finesse weapon on a creature you either have advantage on or you have an ally next to. Right now this adds 1d6 to your attack damage, but it’ll grow as you level up.
As far as your weapon goes, a hand crossbow might be an understatement for your coffin, but you’re nothing if not practical.
2. Wizard 1: Going over to wizard right away gives you Arcane Recovery, letting you regain a little bit of magic over a short rest once per long rest.
To make that more useful, you also get Spells that you can cast and prepare with your Intelligence. Message will carry your schemes to your minion’s ears, Prestidigitation is simple sleight of hand tricks to wow yokels. True Strike actually kind of has a purpose since the advantage matters for your sneak attacks but not really because there’s like eight other ways to get a sneak attack that aren’t as bad. Cause Fear strikes at the heart of foes and allies alike. Mage Armor lets you wear a suit into combat like a nerd. Magic Missile gives you a plethora of magical bullets that can’t miss. Disguise Self gives you a magical disguise kit. Feather Fall lets you catch Guda and land without breaking a hip, and Unseen Servant lets you expand your criminal empire with a lackey of your very own!
3. Rogue 2: Last level was a lot. Let’s calm down a bit with a simple bit of roguery. Cunning Action lets you dash, disengage, or hide as a bonus action, freeing up your main action for attacks or spells.
4. Rogue 3: Third level rogues can pick their specialty, and as a Mastermind yours lies in manipulating others for your own gain. You’re a Master of Intrigue giving you proficiency with disguises and forgery. You can also mimic the accent of a creature you’ve heard for at least one minute, well enough to pass yourself off as a native
You’re also a Master of Tactics, letting you help as a bonus action and with a range of 30 feet.
On top of that, your Steady Aim makes True Strike useless, giving you advantage on one attack as a bonus action, plus you have to use up your movement.
5. Rogue 4: Use this Ability Score Improvement to bump up your Dexterity so you can actually shoot people. Also, while you only get one attack per turn, you can always flavor your sneak attack as a burst of gunfire. You’re certainly going to do enough damage to qualify as multiple shots.
6. Rogue 5: Fifth level rogues get an Uncanny Dodge as a reaction, halving the damage of an incoming attack. You fight berserkers in Armani, you’ll need it.
7. Rogue 6: Your second round of Expertise will double up on your Thieves’ Tools and Performance for extra manipulation and safe cracking.
8. Rogue 7: Evasion is a good skill. I don’t think I say that enough,but it is. It turns your failed dexterity saves into successes and your successes into no-sells. If your big plan is dropping a meteor on the world, you’d better be ready for the splash damage.
9. Wizard 2: Second level wizards get their specialty, and Divination wizards are the masters of planning. And from a player’s standpoint they make planning so much easier. You could meticulously plan your enemy’s downfall over the course of days or weeks, or you could just slap a 1 to their wisdom save with six seconds of preparation thanks to Portents. You get two d20s each day that you can use in place of a d20 roll near you. Ruin someone’s skill check, guarantee your critical hit, whatever.
You also get more magic! Alarm is our go-to for low magic builds, but it’s also super useful for traps You can also Comprehend Languages because you’re pretty well-learned.
10. Wizard 3: Third level wizards get second level spells, like Enhance Ability to make your disguises even more perfect and Magic Weapon to make your Noble Phantasm a bit more noble.
11. Rogue 8: Use this ASI to bump up your Dexterity for more gooder shooting.
12. Rogue 9: Your next bout of Mastermind goodies makes you an Insightful Manipulator, letting you spend 1 minute to observe a creature in two of four ways; their intelligence, wisdom, charisma, or class levels. You might also learn some backstory, which’ll make your DM’s life even harder! Or easier, depending on how you use it.
13. Rogue 10: Use this ASI to bring your Intelligence up for better spellcasting. Most of your spells don’t actually need your intelligence, but it also helps you show up Holmes, so it’s rewarding in its own right.
14. Rogue 11: You now have Reliable Talent, so every skill check you’re proficient in will always come up at least a 10 on the die. Yes, this does mean you’re scary good at making people do what you want.
15. Rogue 12: Another ASI! Bump your Dexterity up one more time for even gooderer shooting and AC.
16. Rogue 13: Thirteenth level masterminds are masters of Misdirection, using your reaction to shift an attack to another nearby creature instead of you. Let the brutes fight it out, you’ve got schemes to hatch!
17. Rogue 14: Your Blindsense lets you sense invisible creatures within 10 feet of you. That’s not a great range to work with a ranged weapon, but at least you’ll know when an assassin sneaks up on you.
18. Rogue 15: Your Slippery Mind gives you proficiency with Wisdom saves. That feature name sounds really weird though, it sounds like it should help with lying or something. Oh well.
19. Rogue 16: Use this last ASI to bump up your Charisma for slightly better manipulation.
20. Rogue 17: Your capstone level is also the level you get the last mastermind goodie! Your Soul of Deceit lets you rewrite any attempts to read your mind, matching your deception check versus the reader’s insight check. On top of that, magic will always say you’re telling the truth, no matter what you’re really saying.
Pros:
Soul of Deceit is super useful for you, as it basically makes it impossible to tell if you’re lying. Without magic, people have to be your deception check, and when they’re facing off against a roll with +15 and advantage they’re going to have a bad time. Basically, unless you’re going up against another rogue with expertise in insight, you’re pretty set.
What’d’ya mean we already made one like that?
Portent is just really good. Especially for classes where every hit counts. That’s it, it’s just busted.
Beyond simply lying, you’re good at manipulating people, reading into their wants and needs, then stringing them along for your own gain. Insightful Manipulator lets you read people at a glance, and your Keen Mind means you’ll remember what you learned long after the people you learned it from forget you.
Cons:
You are super squishy, with exactly 100 HP at level 20. Try not to go over any waterfalls, it won’t end well for you.
Despite hitting hard enough to count as a barrage, you still technically get only one attack per turn. Missing your shot is a huge letdown, so just... don’t do that?
Your limited spell slots mean you need to be careful with how you use them. The guaranteed damage of Magic Missile is tempting, but you should probably pace yourself.
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Check in on my (not very realistic) wish list for episode 141
1. Blooming Grove Clay family reunion! Hugs and tears! Home-cooked meal and tea! Much needed relaxation and downtime after saving the world.
Ay that was a nice meal and a good night’s sleep.
2. Widogast’s Nascent Nein (9!) Sided Tower because Caleb still has a spell slot for that! So many cats and books. Also, rooms for Essek and Molly (9!). Bonus: seeing more rooms on the 8th floor of the tower?
Oof well thanks Trent now we don’t get to see the tower again, ever. I’m 100% sure that Essek will see his room during the Aeorian study fun times and Luc and Yeza will see their rooms in magical summer camp with professor Widogast though, so I’m happy.
3. Check in and visiting Allura to return her staff and Kima’s Holy Avenger (”hey we saved the world killed Lucien stopped the city Allura are you proud of us? You are? Tell us who is on the Tal’Dorei council.”)
They mentioned it, but they didn’t play it out, unfortunately. Alas, the members of the Tal’Dorei council shall forever remain a mystery.
4. Check in and visiting Yussa and Wensforth to apologize for their last visit to the Tidepeak Tower and using his emergency exit plan, but Yussa being too grateful to be saved from a screaming city hivemind to care.
Yep, thank you Caleb for remembering Yussa lol. Should have known that he would want to study the Happy Fun Ball... Wizards sharing knowledge, how nice! Also, Veth’s goodbye to Wensforth was very sweet.
5. Molly getting more and more of his memory back and slowly becoming his old flamboyant self.
I... wow I mean I guess Kingsley? This technically happened? He is going to become someone new, which is always exciting! He got a lot of... interesting memories back too. He is also interested in learning about Molly’s memory too, even though he is somebody else (and just as flamboyant).
6. Caleb says goodbye to Frumpkin and there is either a sweet farewell or Frumpkin just goes “nah fam I choose my wizard you can’t get rid of me”.
Aw Frumpkin didn’t feel ready to leave at first... :( The actual farewell was indeed short and sweet, I loved it.
7. Beau and Yasha moments, conversations, fun times, shameless PDA, or potentially fade to black because they deserve it.
Camping outside at night, aw. Their moment after the Zeenoth trial was very touching as well! “Yes, my love?” and “my Expositor” lol how romantic they are. They are planning to settle down and explore Yasha’s past together! Their honeymoon little trip! Also, “I will have you and then some” was indeed hot.
8. Jester and Fjord being domestic, adorable and sharing kisses/conversations or potentially fade to black because they deserve it.
The sleep snuggle was soo cute and Jester’s love admission was adorable! Also the rain and double confession wow Fjord what a romantic man. Their conversation in Nicodranas was sooo cute guys. They planned boat trips!
9. Caleb and Essek have a long one-on-one conversation about their “it’s complicated” relationship and have some more physical contact (still reeling from the forehead touch last episode).
Caleb attempting to include Essek in the globe of invulnerability and Essek dragging Caleb away from melee combat aw. The kiss on the cheek and the empathetic hug... I will take the time travel conversation as well.
10. Veth, Yeza and Luc’s joyful/tearful family reunion and happy fun times in which Veth and Yeza may or may not celebrate in private.
Aw that was a nice reunion, so very cute. Veth gets to fully return home to her family after saying goodbye! I’m going to assume that she celebrates her return with Yeza in private.
11. Cad’s moments with his family and also with Molly (because it’s fun to watch them on screen together and conversing let’s be real).
Caduceus gets to be with his family now, enjoying life at the blooming grove! He deserves the relaxation!
12. Jester’s reunion with her mother with big hugs and finding out that parent trap TM has succeeded thanks to her genius plans. Also, the gentleman being a super awkward but loving dad.
Yes I knew it would work! The gentleman is a nervous drinker confirmed lol. The mother-daughter talk was very nice and a great reminder!
13. The Mighty Nein plans for the future: getting rid of Cloven Crystal, Fjord visiting Vandran (with Jester probably, who discusses Tusk Love with him) and maybe Sabian? Yasha’s plan to bring flower to Zuala (trip with Beau?). Beau’s plans regarding Zeenoth’s trial (has that happend yet? Does she want to go?) and Caleb’s plans for the assembly (or even further ahead, magical school? Aeorian research with Kryn Colleague? How pissed is Ludinus Da’leth?)
Well, the empire siblings sure started a task force against the assembly huh. Also yeah Caleb you tell him, F**k your vacancy Martinet Ludinus Da’leth! Professor Caleb will teach Luc. Astrid would be more interested in the position anyways. Fjord got to visit Vandran with Jester and got him to join their sailing adventures! Jester also talks about Tusk Love with him wow. Beau testified against Zeenoth with Yasha by her side! Yasha gave flowers to Zuala on a trip with Beau! Caleb and Essek got to do their Aeorian research study! Fjord’s cloven crystal adventure was also addressed! I’m so good at predictions you guys I KID YOU NOT I predicted everything.
14. Getting an update about Astrid and Eadwulf to find out that they are in fact doing fine because Trent is in deep trouble and under heavy investigation by the Augen Trust and Cobalt Soul (bonus: Trent is already starting to get what he deserves. Or even better, Trent has died from liver failure in jail. Like his jaundice really kept getting worse so one can hope I guess?)
F**k you Trent, you just had to show up and ruin everything didn’t you. Well, Astrid and Eadwulf are fne now, and Trent IS in deep trouble and rotting in jail. Still hoping that he will die from liver failure after like, a few years.
15. Fjord officially “meeting the parents” and Gentleman/Marion giving Fjord the shovel talk because that didn’t happen last time.
Aw he didn’t go with! But the gentleman did talk about Fjord anyways lol and gave her some sound advice.
16. Wedding mentions/discussions? Proposals? Anyone? No?
Well Jester proposed to marry... her parents? Lol did not see that one coming. Veth and Yeza renewing vows yes! It was a nice suggestion.
17. Artagan/sprinkle joins in the celebration because why not (bonus: Sprinkle gets to be free! Or whatever an undead weasel could be lmao)
Artagan and Jester’s conversation was very nice development for them. Sprinkle gets to stay forever, unfortunately for Sprinkle lol.
18. Obligatory wish for Essek’s fancy dunamancy or magical items (like I know we will never see dark star probably but I live for spell casting flavours).
Essek’s hold person on Trent was clutch, “stay down”, what a king. The tether essence, lightning bolt and gravity sinkhole were all wonderful. Still sad about the dark star never being seen though.
19. Obligatory wish for the polymorph spell (look, I just love it okay).
Hey, Jester threatened Astrid with it! Polymorph mention wins! Fjord was sad about the potential choice of turning her into a turtle but it would have been funny.
20. Obligatory wish for Caleb to use more fire/customized/dunamantic spells creatively or with nice flair (what’s sexier than wizards NOTHING).
What’s sexier than counterspells and dispel magic NOTHING. Also hey, the manacles of stasis worked!
21. Discussion about Essek’s future because oh boy can he even go back to the Dynasty? Have they found him out yet? If they did, how mad is the Bright Queen? Are Volstruckers too busy to chase him down? We need to know!
Oh man I mean Essek found a way to live freely at least! With a lot of illusions and identities, of course. He also got to stay in contact with the M9! I think he may show up in campaign 3!
22. Group hug! Group feast! Group cheer! I dunno, just do group stuff. They are the Mighty Nein, they are the Mighty Nine, they saved the world!
A lot of group hugs and feasts! I especially loved the hug when they said goodbye to Essek.
23. Visiting/checking in with other NPCs or allies potentially! Like Kiri, Calianna, Twiggy, Keg, Shakasta, Bryce, Dagen oh also the Hag (I’m kidding).
They checked in with Orly! Not these allies but you know, Orly is awesome.
24. Obligatory wish for everyone (the Nein, their friends/families) to get a happy ending that gives me a feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment, and that the episode/campaign ends with a poetically beautiful scene!
Yes, it was a very poetic and very beautiful story indeed
I love the Mighty Nein/Nine, I love the cast. I’m so grateful for their story in my life. Words are not enough to describe my thankfulness for being able to go on this journey with them.
Now excuse me I just need to go sob in a corner.
My score: 19/24
Seriously though check out #13 I’m proud of that one
Other Highlights:
Caleb hit 100 HP OMG I too am proud of him.
Well I didn’t expect the boss fight but I’m glad we are getting one?
Caleb’s produce flame was used by Veth on Fluffernutter, nice!
The Veth + Beau putting collar combo was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen, also there is something poetic about Caleb relying entirely on his friends and Astrid to carry out the collar tactic on Trent.
The forced empathy commands by Cad lmao wow angry Cad is scary, too bad Trent didn’t have any.
Veth’s silent image... Caleb disintegrating and burning everything in the T-dock... Caleb’s book for his parents... Professor Widogast... Excuse me I’m going to cry now.
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Never mine
Summary: When you got a phone call in the middle of the night, asking you to assist in a interogation of a high level target you didn’t really think about it. Until you were there and saw just who you were there for.
Pairing: August Walker x unnamed OFC
Wordcount: 2.063
Warnings: a whole lotta angst
A/N: So this happens when I’m listening to too much Taylor Swift. Inspired by thy lyrics to “August” The lyrics I use are not mine but hers.
Taglist in reblog
Your phone rang in the middle of the night. That wasn’t something that happened very often. The CIA never really needed your help. So if they were calling now, something big must have happened.
Sighing you let yourself fall back into the soft covers of your bed. A car would be there to pick you up in 20 minutes to bring you to the airport, where a private jet would be flying you out to the CIA base.
Apparently they had taken in a target they had been searching for in forever.
“Just make yourself comfortable and watch him. Tell me what you think. I don’t think he will talk, but maybe you can give us something.” Sloane said as she walked you into the room. You nodded at the two agents standing in front of the window, the interrogation room brightly lit behind it.
“What did he do?” You asked, as you sat down.
“He tried to buy plutonium to do god knows what.”
“Wow…”
“He’s one of our own.”
“He’s a CIA Agent?” You asked surprised.
“He was one of the best we had.” Sloane signed, before she nodded and walked out of the room. Frowning you took out your tablet to log into the wifi, so you could make some notes and wait for the file to be send to you.
“So you’re the expert Sloane hasn’t shut up about all day?” A man asked. He was your age, short dark hair and green eyes, which seemed to undress you as he looked at you.
“I am.”
“And what is your expertise?” He asked with a grin. Internally sighing, you set your tablet down and now gave him his full attention.
“Agent…”
“Cross.” He answered.
“Agent Cross, I’m gonna save you some time here. I’m sure your wife wouldn’t be pleased to see that you have taken off your wedding ring.” You smiled a little. He frowned and pushed his hand into his pants pocket.
“I’m here to work, and work only. And as someone who dealt with men like you all her life, I would very much appreciate if you would let me do my work in peace.” You smiled at him. He slowly nodded, until he turned around and left the room. You saw the man across from you grinning to himself, giving you a thumbs up.
“They are bringing the suspect in in a couple minutes. Sloane told me to give you the room, so you can focus on doing your thing.” The man got up from his seat.
“Thank you Agent…”
“Bridges.”
“Thank you Agent Bridges.” You smiled and waited until he closed the door after him. It’s been a while since you’ve been brought in to help. Closing your eyes as you saw the door in the interrogation room open you calmed yourself. Breathing in deep you opened your eyes just to see the back of a tall man that was facing you. He had to be at least two heads taller than you. You could see that he was wearing dirty green clothes.
“Someone already in there?” He asked, motioning towards you behind the glass as he was sat down at the table. After he had been handcuffed to the chair the Agent in the room left.
Noticing the file being send to you, you opened it. That must have been who you were looking at.
Reading the name you frowned.
August Walker, born November 17th 1984.
Shaking your head you looked up as the man in the room turned his head towards you. You knew he couldn’t see you, yet he was looking directly at you. Swallowing you felt your chest tighten as you looked into his blue eyes.
He was older. Much older. Yet you felt yourself being transported back into the year 2004. When you were working at a coffee shop in Miami to earn some money for college. To the day you met August for the first time. To the day you fell head over heels for him. Knowing fully well that you would never have a future together. To the day he left you.
…. But I can see us lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time….
Miami, Summer of 2004
It’s been another day of customers being rude to you, just because you were doing your job. Groaning you cleaned the coffee machine when the door of the shop opened.
“We’re closed. Sorry.” You said, without turning around.
“Oh… Sorry.” A deep voice behind you said. Sighing you turned around. A boy, maybe a couple years older than you was standing at the counter. He was wearing dark swim shorts and a white shirt. His curly hair still wet. He had to come directly from the beach.
You felt yourself blush as you looked at him. He was incredibly handsome.
“Uhm… Maybe, if you don’t want a coffee, I could make an exception?” You grinned. He smiled back, his hand brushing a stray of his dark hair back.
“I just wanted a bottle of water.” He said, stepping closer.
“Oh… Sure.” You turned around, opening the fridge to get a bottle of water out.
“That will be a dollar.” You said as you gave the bottle to him. His fingers brushed over yours as he took it.
He pulled a dollar out, sliding it over the counter.
“Okay. Can I be honest?” He asked before he was about to turn around.
“Sure.” You shrugged.
“I didn’t really need to buy water.” He said. “I’ve been in here before twice today but I never caught you alone. And I was wondering… Can I invite you for dinner?” He asked.
Biting your lip, to stop you from grinning like an idiot you looked at him. His deep blue eyes watching you, and you noticed that there was a fleck of brown in one of them.
“Meet me at 7pm in front of the cafe tomorrow?” You finally said. He released a breath, smiling at you.
“I’ll be there.” He said.
He invited you to the beach on the day after your date. You so badly wished he would just kiss you. Looking at him as you were laying next to him, him on his chest, you wish you could be this happy for the rest of your life. He turned his head and looked up at you, a smile on his lips.
Your back beneath the sun
Wishin' I could write my name on it
He kissed you goodbye when he brought you home that day. Your first kiss. You still remember how his lips felt on yours.
… And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away like a bottle of wine…
That’s how you met August. The first love of your life. It may only have been only one summer, but yet you always found yourself thinking back to it. You had so many first with him.
Looking at him now, you could still see the boy you fell in love with so long ago. Sure he was older, he somehow seemed bigger, yet his eyes... You still felt yourself get lost in them. Like in the morning after you woke up pressed against his chest, twisted together under your bed sheets, as he kept rubbing his finger down your nose to wake you.
'Cause you were never mine
The door opened again and two agents walked in, sitting down across from him. That gave you the chance to look down at his file.
“What happened to you after you left me?” You asked quietly as you read. shaking your head you looked up as one of the Agents began to ask questions. Yet August eyes were set on you. As if he could see you.
'Cause you were never mine
Never mine
But do you remember?
Shaking your head you released a sigh. Pushing your thoughts to the side. You never thought you would see him again. You never wanted to see him again. Not after how he left you.
Three hours later Sloane walked in.
“Anything you can give me?” She asked.
“Not really. He knows what he’s doing.” You sighed.
“You ready to get in there?” Sloane asked.
“I need to tell you something first.”
Your palms were sweaty as you walked by Sloane’s side. You had told her everything. And now she was sure you were the only one who he would talk to. You wished you’d share her enthusiasm.
“You gonna be okay?” Sloane asked.
“No. But It*s not like you care.” You said quietly before you let her open the door for you.
He didn’t look up when you walked in. You had done hundreds of situations like this. But at the same time not one has been like this. You closed your eyes as you walked over to sit down in the seat across from him. He was still handcuffed to the table. You crossed your legs, your hands on top of the table and waited. Braced yourself to have his full attention.
You saw him shift, his head slowly pulling up until he was looking at you. The silence seemed to last forever. You could read the surprise in his face.
“What are you doing here?” He asked quietly.
“I’m the psychologist they brought in to talk to you.” You answered.
“So you finished college?”
“I did. Took me a little longer, but I think you probably knew that already.”
“I did.” He said.
Remember when I pulled up and said "Get in the car"
And then canceled my plans just in case you'd call?
“It’s been a while.” August breathed.
“Almost 16 years.” You helped.
“Did you….?”
“I did.”
“How is…”
“She. Her name is Julia. She turned 15 last month.” You said.
He nodded.
“I’m not here to help you.” You said. “I didn’t even know who would be waiting for me here, when they picked me up this morning. But…” You shook your head, getting up from your seat.
“You knew that somewhere on this planet, you had a child, August. And yet you still chose your… beliefs over the security of your own child. Did you even think of her?”
“I…”
“You know they can make you talk. You are good, but not as good as you think.” You leaned with your back at the wall as you looked at him.
“You could have stayed all these years back. But looking at you now, I’m happy you didn’t.”
“You don’t know anything about me now.” Was all he said.
“That’s true.” You crossed your arms in front of your chest.
“But I do know, that you will never see the light of the day ever again.” You walked past him to the door.
“You know I loved you, right?” He asked, barely audible.
“Why did you leave me then?” You asked back.
“Because you deserved better…” Were the last words you heard of him, before the door opened and you stepped out.
Back when I was livin' for the hope of it all, for the hope of it all
It was late at night when you got back home.
“Wow Mom, you look like shit.” Your daughter grinned, yet hugging you closely.
“Why are you still up?” You asked with a smile as you looked at her. She had the same fleck of brown in her eye. Just like her father.
“Dad cooked. And by cooked I mean he almost burned the house down.” She whispered, as she walked arm in arm with you into the kitchen where indeed it looked like a bomb exploded.
“Where is your father anyway?” You asked.
“I’m here!” You felt a hand on your lower back as your husband came into the room, his arm on your waist, as he bend down to kiss you.
“How was your day?” He asked. You breathed in deep, shaking your head, mouthing later to him. He frowned but said nothing.
“I’m just glad I’m back home.” You said, your head resting on his shoulder, as you watched your daughter sneak some chocolate out of the fridge, handing it to you on her way out.
“Love you Mom.” She kissed your cheek.
“Good night.” You smiled.
“Are you okay?” Your husband asked.
“I am now.” You smiled as you got on your tiptoes to kiss him deeply.
#fanfic#fanfiction#august walker#august walker x reader#henry cavill#angst#inspired by august from taylor swift i guess?
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My prompts
So I have written some prompts that you can ask to use. I will continue to add more. The ones that have italics or look like 'this' can be anyone's dialogue. I just added it so you know it's not only one person talking. To ask, you can just request the number of the prompt/s you can ask for multiple prompts, but please don't add too many. The ones that have a period at the end of the numbers, don't mind that. That's for me to remember something. Okay, anywho, take your pick :D. Remember you don't have to request one of these, you have your own idea, that's good! I'll be happy to write it! If you have a certain gender you want the reader to be don't forget to ask! You can also request me to add prompts to the list too! Okay so here's the prompts :)
1
"Oh no."
"What is it? What happened? Who died?"
"I think I just felt an emotion."
"You have GOT to be kidding me."
2
"Excuse me. I have to go make a scene."
3
"They're like a hurricane in human form."
4
"Fix it."
"It's a ransom note: I don't care about grammar!"
"There is no excuse for bad grammar."
5
"What does the little blinking light mean?"
"It means... wait blinking light?"
6
"What letter comes after 's' in the alphabet?
"T?"
"Ooh, yes please!"
7
"Why is there a magical portal in the bathtub?!"
8
"I love you from the bottom of my heart, but I don't trust your cooking. Stay out of my kitchen."
9
"We can't have a crisis- my schedule is already full..
10
"How long have you been standing there?
"Longer than you'd like."
11
"Small fire! I said to set a small fire! This is not small!"
12
"I want to go home."
"And I want to go to the moon. It ain't happening, sweetheart. Time to accept that."
13
"It's really not that complicated."
14
"Close the door."
15
"It's three in the morning."
16
"Why are you helping me?"
17
"Just trust me."
18
"What are you thinking about?"
19
"Someday you'll thank me for kidnapping you?"
20
"Who sent you here?"
"I wasn't sent here... if anything, it was an accident."
"Made by whom?"
"Myself, I suppose."
"You sent yourself here on accident?"
"Well, I certainly didn't come here on purpose..."
21
"I just want to be happy."
22
"Can I sleep over? My parents are fighting again."
23
"Why won't you let me help you?!"
24
"You know we make a pretty good team."
25
"You're a horrible liar."
26
"You're freezing. Come here."
27
"I'm saying that because I care about you!
28
"Sing me a song please.
29
"I can explain./!"
30
"Come here."
31
"The real treasure was the memories we made along the way."
"I almost died!"
"Ah yes, that was my fondest memory."
32
"They're crying, what do I do?"
"Go comfort them."
"How do I do that?"
"Start with hugs."
"With what?"
33
"Somehow you don't even have to open your mouth to make my head hurt."
34
"Stop waking me up in the middle of the night."
35
"Any shorter and you'd probably fade out of existence."
36
"I fixed you breakfast. I know it's just a bowl of cereal, but it's the only thing I can't burn."
37
"You just gave off the impression that you want to murder everyone you look at."
38
"It's not my birthday."
"It's definitely your birthday."
"Give me a calendar and I will prove it to—oh. Never mind. Happy birthday to me."
39
"Bold of you to assume I wouldn't just summon a trans-dimensional entity to help me avoid all my problems."
40
"I'm not human. I never was. So, why are you expecting me to act like one?
41
"Everything here can kill you, but I can do it most efficiently."
42
"They took my wallet. Yes, just my wallet. Well.... maybe my passport too."
43
"I don't think of you as a protector. More like a friend."
44
"You deserved that."
45
"Shh, shh. You were dreaming."
46
"I won't leave you behind."
47
"You should be in bed."
48
"What's our exit strategy?"
"Our what?"
"Oh my god, we are all going to die."
49
"Oh my god, you're taking up the whole bed."
50
"I could keep you safe, they're all afraid of me."
51
"I trusted you!"
52
"I know your secret."
"You're gonna have to be more specific there, buddy. Which one? I have a lot of skeletons in my closet."
53
"Who gave you that black eye?!"
54
"Everyone keeps telling me your bad guy."
55
"Why? Because I don't want you to get hurt, that's why!"
56
"You're scared of that, aren't you?"
57
"Come on, when have my calculations ever been wrong?"
"Well-"
"Shut up, that was one time."
58
"Enjoying the view, sunshine?"
59
"While I do enjoy the silent treatment, I wasn't aware I had done anything to you."
60
"I think that's enough."
61
"They deserved it."
62
"What... is this?"
63
"You can't be serious!"
64
"I'm not sorry!"
65
"Who are you?"
"Oh sweetheart, I'm your worst nightmare."
"Wait a minute. Your that guy that tripped over my shoes on the bus this morning and said thank you-"
66
"Just because I'm helping you doesn't mean I care, your death would be a minor inconvenience. That's all."
67
"You owe me."
68
"Don't make me come in there."
69
"Don't touch me."
70
"That wasn't funny."
71
"I am fully convinced you never graduated kindergarten."
72
"Am I doing it right?"
73
"For God's sake! Who have you killed now?"
74
"Do you even know how to fly this thing?"
"Normally, I'd lie and say yes, but considering the fact that I almost flew us into that building, I'm going to assume you know the answer."
75
"What are you doing?! Don't eat it!"
76
"Feel free to admire me."
77
"You're insane!"
"I know! Isn't it great?"
78
"You don't know a thing."
79
"The truth is I never loved you."
80
"Is this a game to you?"
81
"Stop yelling at me."
"I'm not yelling at you! I'm just... being abnormally projective in the vocal region!"
"Otherwise known as yelling..."
82
"Don't ever forget me. Please?"
83
"I screwed up."
84
"You're my regret."
85
"No, sir. I am not underestimating the kidnappers. YOU are understanding my grandmother."
86
"Stay away from the llama."
87
"No one visits my grave anymore... wait. I don't even have a grave!"
88
"Tuna shamed."
89
"Well, I can scratch that off my bucket list."
"Who puts getting arrested on their bucket list?!"
90
"I-I can't stop it. I'm sorry..."
"It's okay, it's okay. Just breathe.
You don't have to be sorry for anything. I got you."
91
"What am I supposed to tell my parents? 'Hi mom and dad, I ,snuck out past curfew, almost died, discovered I can teleport, and now I'm joining a gang of superheroes.'"
"Maybe don't use the word 'gang'."
"You think that's the part they'll have the most trouble with?!"
92
"Give me the wallet or I shoot."
"No."
"What do you mean no? I'm serious, I will shoot you."
"Let me repeat myself. No."
"Um... okay I guess."
"Aren't you going to shoot me?"
"I don't know. This hasn't happened before."
"Well, until you do, wanna grab a bite to eat? I'm starving."
93
"Watch me."
94
"I thought you were dead."
95
"You're never going to let that go, are you?"
96
"Was that supposed to hurt?"
97
"You have to leave right now."
98
"I love you."
99
"I hate you.
100
"I didn't catch your name."
"I didn't throw it."
101
"How long has it been since you last ate something?"
102.
"No, don't look at me!"
103.
"How many marshmallows can you eat?"
104
"Why did you kick so much in your sleep? Are you constantly dreaming about soccer?"
105
"Destroying lives, one person at a time."
106
"Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2am.
107
"Just breathe."
108.
"STOP EATING MY LASAGNA FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"
109.
"I don't understand why you should feel the urge to do that."
110.
"I trust you."
"Wow, that incredibly... stupid of you."
111
"You broke my heart and all you can say is sorry?"
112
"You can't really blame me can you? You can only blame yourself."
113.
"You keep painting me as the villain."
"Because you are the villain."
114.
"Who could ever love someone like you?"
115
"I never stood a chance, did I?"
"That's the sad part - you did once."
116
"I've missed this."
117.
"Who are you to tell me how to live my life?"
118.
"Are you going to yell at me too? I guess I do deserve it."
119
"I don't want to have another surgery."
120.
"Quit touching the IV."
121
"I was going to say something mean about them, but decided against it."
122
"How do you like raisins? How do you feel about a date?"
123.
"Are you going to stand there or are you going to kiss me? I'm tired of lying to my diary."
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An old google doc of my first impressions of animorphs books 1-27 :)
Rating all the Animorphs books (because i am secretly the biggest loser on the planet) *
1 - 7/10 - good start, I don't remember this one honestly
2 - 5/10 - this is the one where Rachel sneaks into Chapman’s house as a cat and we get that cool Melissa Chapman moment
3 - 8/10 - Tobias grapples with losing his humanity and comes out the other end of it deciding that he is neither entirely bird or boy (made me lowkey ship tobias and rachel) good first kinda deep resonant theme in the story
4 - 6/10 - Don’t really remember this one that well but they find Ax who is super fucking rad
5 - 6/10 - Does the entire cast deal with nightmares? The Kids get dismembered and traumatized as ants in pursuit of getting a spaceship for Ax. They get captured until internal politicking between Visser 1 and 3 get them out of it. Marco discovers his mom’s Visser 1 which sets up his character development for later, which is cool
6 - 7/10 - This one’s more about Jake handling Tom’s yeerk stuff, he gets a yeerk stuck in his head which was pretty cool, really liked seeing the actual psychology of the yeerks and how the one in his head slowly lost hope (You also think wow Tom is probably really miserable in his current situation, really puts it into perspective)
7 - 5/10 - big worldbuilding stuff, but I wasn’t a huge fan of the book; the Elemist offers them the opportunity to escape to a new planet and shows them the future, Rachel’s divorced parents drama, boring
8 - 10/10 - On an Animorphs scale immaculate and perfect in every way. Due to Andalite law, Ax doesn’t share everything with the Animorphs and this causes CHARACTER CONFLICT, my favorite thing, there's also a confrontation where everyone’s like Ax you need to tell us more, you get scenes of Ax learning about the human world which I love and it’s just the best (also a cool meeting with other andalites and he tells them about Seerow’s Kindness) (There's also an emotional throughline where Ax struggles with his responsibilities to his species and coming to terms with the way his culture contributes/ed to suffering with their inaction) (so incredibly pog)
9 - 6.5/10 - Cassie kills a termite queen which gives her an identity crisis, and she and Jake talk about the circle of life and whether or not they should abide by it (For some reason I can’t remember the Cassie books that well)
10 - 9/10 - Holy shit the cover to this one is so fucking funny, And actually a really good story Erek had to kill people and live with the memory forever because he’s a robot (and Marco’s all like “I was already forgetting as I went to sleep”) (smh flexing his human short term memory) Really fucking good
11 - 3.5/10 - Garbage, my least favorite so far, this is the time traveling rain forest one (good things never happen when you invoke time travel), boring tbh {in hindsight it wasnt that bad}
12 - 4/10 - Pretty boring, Rachel just has to do stuff with that Justin Bieber guy while dealing with what's the equivalent of genetic hiccups (his name is Jeremy Jason McCole)
13 - 7/10 - Not bad at all, this is the one where they save a pair of Hork Bajir and the Elemist kinda fucks with Tobias (Tobias gets the chance to actually have a normal life and doesn’t take it) (I wonder what Marco would do?) (Also not surprising he didn’t, Tobias has a crappy homelife and for some reason is willing to sacrifice a lot)
14 - 4/10 - Now this is boring, the area 61 one, totally skippable
15 - 8/10 - Marco is really struggling with being afraid of being a shark, feels ashamed of being scared. The one with the mentally enhanced hammerheads (Really cool how he and Rachel had that moment together where she told him she saw a submarine so that he wouldn’t think his mom died) (Also why can’t people pity him?, i don’t understand) Overall pretty good (Also I think something might come up in regards to him being suceptible to his transformations, cause he seems like more so than the other animorphs)
16 - 9/10 - The first Jake book that I really liked, good character conflict between him and Cassie (she kinda a hypocrite doe for asking him to end Fenestre’s life) (Yo did Jake burn down his house?) (At what point are human lives worth less than making small amounts of progress in the war?) (they’re actually a pretty good couple) It is pretty intense to see him grapple with making the wrong choice as the leader :0
17 - 8/10 - Very insensitive to the mentally ill, like egregiously so (wtf rachel?) Rachel brushing up against always feeling like she has to be the tough one (Marco’s great for copping to the fact and proudly admitting that he’s afraid) The one with the addictive oatmeal in the Kandrona (ok kinda based lesson at the end about respecting the mentally ill and homeless but still kinda soured by the way they talk about the mentally ill) (Jake is also a hypocrite he’ll do the oatmeal things for other people but he won't do it to his brother)
18 - 9/10 - Once again incredibly pog, Ax is struggling with his identity as a friend of the humans and an Andalite. He trusts the Andalite group when he shouldn’t and his friends get mad at him for casting them out (btw this book starts with Ax raiding a Cinnabon which is just so charming) They go and do space war on the Leeran planet which sounds pretty (There is again a meetup where everyone gets mad at Ax for siding with the Andalites [ which I love btw]) More character development for Ax yay
19 - 10/10 - Best Cassie book. Holy shit, so great I loved her discussions with the yeerk and then it went in her head and all her friends mourned like holy shit this was so good. The conflict in the story was way more interesting than the Average animorph story too. (Cassie is like super wrong about whether or not she should leave the team, but like the story made me have an opinion, like what?) (Super nice part about the value of those who arent like mindlessly logical and the necessity of people who arent entirely utilitarian for creating a better world after the war is over) Like Cassie needs to continue to fight in order to maintain her morally righteous position) but there's something to be said about the loss of humanity and kindness that this war takes away from these actual children. I don’t fault Cassie at all for wanting to leave. Also the Yeerks have an ideology. Kinda? Also I love the Karen Yeerk, her redemption was actually really well paced and actually didn’t come out of nowhere (unlike other pieces of media). (Seriously amazing, this book made me like Cassie)
20-22 - 10/10 - rated individually I might give the first two books 8’s and the third a 10 but I'm doing them all together cause they're a three part series. David is such a prick oh my god. I think though the best part of the story was what happened with Rachel realizing what this war is doing to her mentally and not entirely being ok with it. And oh my god that ending, it feels like it shouldn't have to be that way (fucking hell David) but there really wasn't another way out of it, David's just too much of a liability. And Rachel STAYING AND WATCHING as his life is destroyed is honestly so dark. (Cassie has really strong emotional intelligence, I guess, to create that plan) The ending and Rachel's growth really make these books for me.
23 - 7/10 - pretty good. This is the one where Visser 3 tries to impersonate Aria and reveals Tobias’ dad to him. I guess that's why he felt connected to Elfangor. In this one Tobias is still struggling with the duality of being both human and hawk. He vows to kill and regret.
24 - 6/10 - The Helmacron one. Found it pretty boring but the Hemacrons kinda made up for it. Liked their unquenchable thirst for conquest and suicidal bravery (kinda aspirational how delusional they were) (Also kinda funny how Visser 3 was put off by being shrunk down)
25 - 7/10 -The Arctic Adventures one. Also the one where Marco gets a date. They were pretty miserable there with the constant old and endless running. They also had to eat a seal corpse. (Marco said something like he felt he deserved the scratches of the baby seals for eating their mom, really sad) Marco’s conclusion was kinda just put the traumatizing mission out of your head, and also Marian doesn’t want to date you anymore. Not the greatest book for Marco.
26 - 6/10 - The Howler-Iskoort one. Pretty good, I liked the Howlers collective consciousness and how they were all children who didn’t know about what they were doing to others. Jake has more trauma now yaaaay…. (Cassie and jake kiss in this one) (not sure how they transferred those memories but that's my fault ig)
27 - 7/10 - I am so incredibly concerned for Rachel. **
* (honestly maybe not that secretly)
**This is the one where the Drode sees Rachel’s penchant for violence and offers her the opportunity to betray Jake. She does not tell him about it. Almost attacked Cassie in squid form. Also still really reckless. Still loves fighting. Seriously, I'm concerned.
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Reach For You [Dad!Calum AU] Ch. 21
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20
Chapter 21
SHE WAS TRYING to suppress her smile, failing to do as her green eyes remained on an uncharacteristically jittery Calum. He was switching between pacing the exam room to observing the medical poster of a fetus developing stuck on the wall. He seemed almost out of place, acquainting himself with his surroundings, and Aspen kept her attention on him rather than thinking about her full bladder and how she couldn’t wait to use the bathroom after the appointment was over.
Her eyes drew to the way he stood, arms crossed to bring attention to his tattooed arms, but she was more focused on the way his right foot bounced in anticipation, dark eyes intently taking in the poster in front of him. He was almost studying it. Tentatively, fighting the smile threatening to grow as she asked, “Cal, all good?”
“Hmm?” Calum blinked, eyebrows high as he turned to look at her where she sat in the upright exam chair. “Yeah, yeah,” he assured, pulling away to take the few steps towards her. It was early in the morning, both of them in their comfortable sweats, wanting to get into the clinic as early as possible after dropping Luna off at Rich’s house with the vague excuse of having errands to run. No one knew where they were, wanting the absolute confirmation from the experts before telling anyone the life changing news. Calum stood next to her, left hand resting on top of the chair as he smiled down at Aspen. “Just, y’know—” He grinned breathlessly, the light ever present in his eyes. “Excited.”
That only served to widen Aspen’s grin, squeezing his hand. She was excited herself, of course, despite already doing this already. But this time it was with Calum—and before last year, Aspen never thought she would be here again with him. Having his hand to hold this time around brought a different sense of excitement as well as tranquility as opposed the downright fear she had when she found out she was pregnant with Luna. Five years ago, Aspen had been dealing with a breakup she hadn’t entirely saw coming and had her mom and Jodie accompanying her to her doctor appointments.
This time around, the walls of the exam room didn’t feel as though they were closing in, and the ultrasound machine didn’t look terrifying like it had back then. Aspen understood this was a first time experience for Calum, being there right from the beginning from the moment he found out about the pregnancy, but it was also a first for Aspen, too. Because now, the fear of being a single mom wasn’t numbing her. Now, she had her partner right by her side, looking just as elated as she felt. She wasn’t alone, didn’t have to worry about doing this by herself. The past couldn’t be changed, but the future continued to be bright.
“Good morning, Miss Russo.” The two of them turned their heads towards the ultrasound technician entering the room, a smile on her face as she looked towards the couple. “How are we doing today?”
“Great,” Aspen smiled, sitting up slightly as the woman, Dr. Lang, read over her chart on the tablet in her hand. “How’re you?”
“I’m good, thank you.” Dr. Land came over to the side of where the ultrasound machine was stationed, setting the tablet down. Warm brown eyes on them, she continued, “According to your chart, this isn’t your first rodeo.” She was already reaching for the gel as she gestured for Aspen to lay back. “But just a reminder—this’ll be cold.”
Aspen nodded, already aware, as she lifted her loose shirt up so Dr. Lang could squeeze the blue gel onto her abdomen, smiling at Calum as he grasped her hand. She could feel his excitement, nervousness, ever observant eyes watching as Dr. Lang switched on the machine, humming to life, and grabbed the wand before bringing it over to Aspen’s abdomen. “Let’s see how far along you are,” Dr. Land murmured, eyes intently on the black and white warbled screen as she spread the gel around with the wand.
Turning her head, Aspen looked at the familiar screen as well, feeling her heart slowly picking up its pace at the anticipation that buzzed ever cell in her body. She was early along, Aspen knew, not expecting to see anything decently sized quite yet, but any indication of something actually being there was enough.
She caught Dr. Lang’s lips twitching upwards into a small smile before using her free hand to point at the screen as she said, “There it is.”
Both Aspen and Calum’s eyes followed her finger, and Aspen’s breath caught at the sight of the small, tiny little thing that would grow over the next nine months. It was small, though only a little bigger than when she had her first ultrasound with Luna—that had been at almost five weeks, which was really early, causing Aspen to have a transvaginal ultrasound and finding out she was not a fan of those. This little one, however, seemed somewhat passed five weeks. But it was there, clearly visible, clearly going to eventually become a baby. Her and Calum’s baby.
Aspen turned her head just a bit to look at Calum, to watch his features change as the reality of the situation settled in his head. She watched the way his dark eyes stared at the screen, unable to tear them away even as they began glassing over, lips parting to let out a heavy breath he’d probably been holding in without even knowing. The grasp his hand had on hers grew tighter, as if he was trying to ground himself from getting too lost in the wonder of how his life was once again about to change.
And, yeah, the confirmation of having a second kid was enough to make Aspen cry in its own right, but to see Calum get so emotional over it was what really brought the tears to Aspen’s eyes. To see the utter happiness, wonder, and awe he held so expressively, unapologetically, had her heart soaring as he whispered, “Oh, wow.”
Then, he heard it.
Strong and faint, the unmistakable sound of a heartbeat echoed from the ultrasound machine, and Calum nearly felt his knees give out as the sound reached his ears. His grip on Aspen’s hand grew tighter, if possible, throat drying as he held his breath to focus on nothing but that wonderful, incredible sound. It was warbling and quick, but a heartbeat nonetheless. His baby’s heartbeat. Calum could feel his own racing within his chest, but damn it if he paid it any mind. The only heartbeat that mattered was this baby’s.
“That’s the heartbeat.” Dr. Lang chuckled gently as she leaned just a bit closer to the screen, pressing a few keys on the keyboard. “It looks like you’re about seven weeks along.” A lot further along than Aspen had assumed, and while she worked in a medical clinic, she apparently was shit at listening to her own body when it came to the schedule of her period. Ah, well. “I’m going to need you to hold your breath for a few seconds so I can capture some quick images, alright?”
Aspen nodded, managing to snap out of her reverie of joy, waiting for Dr. Lang’s signal. It didn’t take long, and soon enough the images were captured and Dr. Lang was wiping the gel off Aspen’s abdomen as they were being printed. As Aspen sat up, lowering her shirt, Dr. Lang took the images and handed them over, smiling as she said, “Congratulations, Mom and Dad.”
Calum took the sonograms, unable to tear his gaze away from them, the awe heavy in his voice as he absently responded, “Thank you.”
He barely even registered what Dr. Lang was saying, informing Aspen of when her next appointment would be and repeating things Aspen already knew yet she still listened intently. But Calum was too lost in the black and white picture he held in his hand. Calum knew he should be listening to Dr. Lang to be well informed as well, especially given that this was his first time being by his pregnant girlfriend’s side. And he tried, he really did, but he was so fucking elated to focus on anything but the sonogram.
Calum vaguely heard Dr. Lang bid her goodbye, telling them they were good to go, still in a daze until Aspen dangled her legs over the side of the exam table and looked up at Calum. “Hey, Calum—come back.” His eyes met hers and Aspen smiled knowingly, gaze briefly flickering to the sonogram before chuckling breathily, “It’s crazy, right?”
He let out a slow breath, the sound seeming too loud to his own ears as his brown eyes once again looked at Aspen’s. She was watching him quietly, and the drumming of his heart was overwhelming as his throat worked. “Is it stupid of me to say that I feel wholly unprepared to be a dad?”
Aspen’s eyebrows raised at his words, giving a curious tilt of her head as she silently asked him to elaborate. He was a great dad. The best she knew—even if she was a little biased. “I just—” Calum inhaled deeply, glancing down at the images once more before offering a sheepish smile. “I never learned how to change a diaper or—I mean, holding Tahir was the first time I held a baby in, like, I couldn’t even tell you how long.” Aspen’s lips quirked up slightly as she remembered when they’d visited Rich and Laila a few months ago to see Aspen’s new nephew. “I’m just scared, I guess, that I’m gonna be totally useless when the baby comes because I’ll be so damn lost.”
She had to fight the urge from totally cooing at him, wondering if it was inappropriate to find his nervousness so endearing. But Aspen could see how badly Calum wanted this, a second chance to be a dad from the start, and she wanted to desperately ease his fears. “You think you’re the first guy who’s nervous about taking care of a newborn?” she mused, grasping his free hand in hers. “This is all a part of getting ready to have a baby; I’d say you’re on the right track,” she added with a fond chuckle. Aspen squeezed his hand, reassuring, “We’re in this together. You’ll learn and you’ll adapt and I’ll be here to help you.”
The appreciation lightened the weight that had settled in his eyes, rubbing her hand with the back of his thumb as he gave a shake of his head. “Aren’t I supposed to be the one helping you through the pregnancy?”
Aspen smirked, knowing herself too well, knowing if this was anything like the first time around, just how weird and crazy her cravings and mood and everything in between will be. “Don’t worry—you will,” she reassured him knowingly, catching the raise of his eyebrows as she got off the exam table.
As Calum drove, thumb tapping on the steering wheel as he took them to Rich’s place to pick up Luna, he spoke up. “You know, I was serious about us getting a new place,” he said, reminding Aspen of his words from yesterday after hearing the news of her pregnancy. “We don’t have room for a baby in the apartment.”
“I know,” Aspen sighed, leaning back in her seat. Her home had been perfect for when it was just her and Luna. Calum had basically moved in, never spending the night at his own apartment in the city, only venturing to New York when he had business. Other than that, he was at her apartment, which had become his, equipped with almost all of his belongings and Duke. He was right. They were going to need another room for the baby, and while all the planning may seem premature, Aspen would be lying if she said it wasn’t already in the back of her mind, long before since she found out she was pregnant. Moving into a new place, one that was both hers and Calum’s, was something she’d been wanting to do for a while.
She nibbled on her lower lip, a question that swam in her head when she thought about this resurfacing as she glanced at Calum’s profile. “Do you still wanna stay in town?”
Aspen figured he heard the apprehension in her voice by the furrow in his eyebrows as he glanced at her briefly. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”
“I don’t know,” Aspen mumbled, suddenly feeling foolish for bringing it up. But it needed to be discussed—or clarified, at least. “I mean, I know when you first got here, we talked about custody when it came to co-parenting but obviously that’s not an issue anymore. But are you alright with living in Jersey? Permanently? ‘Cause I know your friends and family are in L.A. and—”
“Stop, Aspen.” Calum let out a soft chuckle, the car stopped at a ted light as he looked at her. There was a gentleness in his eyes that relaxed her, especially as he took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze. Gaze meeting hers, he said, “You, Luna, & this little one are my family. And, honestly, I wouldn’t wanna raise my kids there. Staying here is what I want. It’s perfect.”
Aspen felt her heart practically soar in the confines of her chest, eyebrows raising in mild incredulity as she took in a breath. “Really?” She didn’t want him to feel like he was giving anything up. But one look at him, and Aspen knew it was a ridiculous thought to even consider.
“Really,” he returned with a smile, having to turn his attention back on the road as the light turned green. “I love it here with you. Wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else.”
The smile on Aspen’s face widened, heart drumming happily in her chest as she leaned over to press a kiss to Calum’s cheek. He grinned, leaning into her touch, eyes on the road as she settled back in her seat, back against the door so she could look at Calum, unabashedly admiring him. The smile danced on his lips, left hand on the wheel and right still holding hers, the radio in the background playing a familiar song she didn’t care about. Too busy admiring the man next to her, a warmth settling in the pit of her stomach happily.
Aspen’s left hand settled on her stomach, rolling her smiling lips into her mouth as she welcomed the thought of their lives changing forever all over again. She was only seven weeks along, but she couldn’t wait to meet this little nugget.
*****
Keeping their mouths shut for the next few weeks had been unbearable. All Calum had wanted to do was, ridiculously enough, scream from the rooftops that he was having another baby. To share the pure joy that had been consuming him from the moment he had found out. But both he and Aspen had agreed that they wouldn’t say anything, wouldn’t tell anyone, until the first trimester was over. Calum followed her lead on it, on everything, really.
Especially when her cravings kicked in, almost immediately, whether it be for a strange, frankly disgusting, combination of salt and vinegar chips with marshmallow fluff or he had to make a trip to the twenty-four hour McDonalds ten minutes away so she could indulge her Big Mac craving. Her cravings weren’t all of the time, starting a little while after the first ultrasound, but whenever they came up, Calum was quick to accommodate them. And look away when it was a bit too gross for his own stomach.
He also felt guilty when her morning sickness kicked in, typically getting up early in the morning and Calum waking up soon after by the sounds of her throwing up. He’d follow her into the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the tub with his hand pulling back her hair and the other rubbing at her back and offering whatever support he could. And Calum admired her for just getting right back up after flushing the toilet, only uttering a quiet grunt before brushing her teeth and pulling Calum back to bed. She was a real trooper in Calum’s eyes, and it had only just started.
Calum shut the cabinet that was designated for snacks, having just gone on a grocery run with Luna, stocking up on all of their favorite snacks—plus the list of things Aspen had asked him to get in case her cravings started acting up. A few feet away, he heard her ever so familiar voice call out, “Calum, you home?”
“Yeah,” he responded, walking out of the kitchen to see her toe off her sneakers, still in her scrubs, raising his eyebrows at the excited grin that was on her face. “What?” he asked with an amused chuckle.
She stopped where she stood, turning sideways so her profile was to him, and Calum watched as she lifted the hem of her scrub top and claimed through her grin, “I think it might be time we start telling people.”
Aspen lowered her chin and eyes, and Calum followed her gaze before his eyes widened at the sight before him, heart jumping into his throat as he immediately picked up on what she wanted him to notice. He did, instantly, and it was one of the best sights he’d ever seen.
A bump. A small, beautiful bump that someone like Calum, who was so intimately familiar with Aspen’s body, noticed right away. It sent his heart racing, feeling himself freeze for the briefest moment before he stumbled forward—it seemed like he’d been doing that often, in terms of Aspen and this pregnancy. She caught him every time.
“Stop,” Calum all but gasped, eyes wide as he approached his beaming girlfriend, hands reaching forward to caress the bump. Aspen giggled softly as his hand came in contact with her skin, rubbing it, thinking of the life that’s growing inside of her. The mere thought of it was overwhelming, robbing Calum of his breath in the best way. He couldn’t wait until he was holding the baby in his arms. Wide, awed eyes raising to meet Aspen’s, Calum whispered, “You’re showing.”
“I know,” Aspen responded, an excited squeak in her voice as she bounced on her heels giddily. “I mean, with Luna, I didn’t start until, like, twelve weeks. But this little one already wants to make him—or her—self known.”
Calum let out a slow breath, giving her growing belly some more rubs before bringing her shirt down, not that he really wanted to, and wrapping his arms around her to pull her close. Raising an eyebrow, his brown eyes met Aspen’s green, and Calum asked, “You wanna tell people?”
She nodded, smile ever present. “I mean, yeah.” Her hands were on his biceps, giving them an excited squeeze. Tilting her head, Aspen continued knowingly, “I know you’re dying to tell the boys.”
“Only if you’re ready to tell people,” Calum quickly assured. He didn’t want to somehow pressure her, knowing she had said she’d wanted to wait until the first trimester was over. They still had a few more weeks until then, and Calum was willing to see it through. Even if it did mean holding off on telling the boys.
“Yes, I am,” Aspen answered, smile bright. Beautiful. With a giggle and a squeeze to his arms once more, she added, “Time we spread the joy.”
*****
The boys, of course, didn’t live on the east coast. They had gone back to California a few months back, but that never stopped them from FaceTiming or even hopping on a plane over just because they had the means to and could. And since Ashton’s birthday happened to be coming up, Calum was thrilled to know the birthday man wanted to spend it with his closest friends in New York.
The day after the boys arrived, just a few days before Ashton’s birthday, the group of them met up for dinner in the city after setting Luna up with a sitter. Aspen wanted for the guys to know through her and Calum telling them, rather than them seeing it, so she made sure to wear a blouse that didn’t fit too tightly, hiding the bump under the loose material. The excitement fluttered around Aspen’s stomach, feeling as though no matter how many people they told it to, the news wouldn’t seem any less exciting.
The two of them had told Aspen’s family, being responded to with thrilled cheers and excitement—some tears on Aspen’s mom’s part as well. Then phone calls had been made to Mali and Calum’s parents, and Aspen would be lying if she said it wasn’t trippy when they were telling Calum’s parents. There had been a twisting in her stomach, kind of nauseous, prompting Aspen to grasp Calum’s hand tightly as they delivered the news. And it was fucking weird, telling them through FaceTime as her own mind flashed with images of when she was in that position years ago. Sitting with Joy, being utterly terrified of being pregnant without it ever being the plan, and then being told to get the hell out of town in a more subdued, patronizing way.
This time around, though, there had been exclaims of happiness and excitement on their end, and while Aspen had briefly felt like she’d been transported into an alternate universe, she acknowledged the relief and joy she felt at their reaction. It was good. It was how everything should have been from the start.
“There they are,” Calum pointed out as they entered the restaurant, catching sight of the guys sitting at a round table towards the middle of the restaurant. Which was a surprise, them being on time for once.
Aspen saw them easily, too, smiling up at Calum as they made their way over and asked him, “You ready?”
The smile on his face was answer enough.
They greeted the boys with hugs before settling down, picking up their menus and catching up as the waitress came by to take their drink orders. And while the men read off their specific alcoholic drink, Aspen merely smiled at the waitress and said, “Just a water for me, thank you.”
Across from her, Luke scrunched his face up disapprovingly. “Aw, come on, Aspen. You can’t leave us hanging like that—get a real drink.”
Aspen felt the laugh bubble past her, exchanging a brief look with Calum before telling the blonde with a shake of her head, “I can’t.” So what if she wanted to tease it just a tiny bit?
“Nah, none of that,” Michael cut in, shaking his head as well as he sat to her left. “I hear they’ve got good margaritas here; that’s right up your alley.”
She laughed, the amusement bringing the smile onto her face as well as the simmering anticipation of breaking the news. Really, she couldn’t keep the smile off her face even if she tried, especially taking in account how the boys had absolutely no idea. “No, seriously, guys,” Calum spoke up this time, his own knowing smile tilting at his lips as he looked at his best friends, adopting as much of a serious tone as he could allow himself before adding pointedly, “She can’t.”
It didn’t click, not that either of them expected it to. But Aspen did note the furrow in each of their eyebrows, frowning in confusion as they looked between the couple. Aspen desperately wanted to just announce it, but this was Calum’s moment—he would be the one to tell his best friends that he was about to become a father for the second time. Under the table, her hand grasped his, a single squeeze indicating that it was time, and the words spilled out of his mouth before he could even comprehend it.
His grin was wide, the happiness absolutely glowing, as he announced, “Aspen’s pregnant.”
The three men fell into a brief, stupefied silence. Green, blue, and hazel eyes gaped at them, absolutely stunned by the news, processing it through the noise of the buzzing restaurant. Aspen and Calum watched them, waited patiently, hearts drumming and smiles growing as Ashton was the first to break the silence with a dumbfounded, “Are you serious?”
“Yeah,” Aspen laughed, her cheeks beginning to ache from how much she was smiling. “Gonna have another Hood by January.”
Calum looked at her, eyes warm and smile brilliant, giving her hand a squeeze as he said, “Best birthday present I could’ve asked for.”
The boys snapped out of it then, startling the couple with their enthusiastic cheers, earning some looks from other patrons as they got up from their seats to step around the table to hug both Aspen and Calum. They let go of each other’s hands to receive the hugs, Aspen grinning against Luke and then Michael and then Ashton, each voicing their incredulous happiness and excitement for becoming uncles all over again. They didn’t at all care about how loud they were being, their enthusiasm taking over, ignorant to the few looks they had received.
“This is—wow, holy shit,” Michael laughed, green eyes bright and wide as he grinned at his friends. “Do you know if it’s a boy or girl?”
Calum clicked his tongue, leaning back in the chair as his left arm draped on top of Aspen’s chair. “Not for another few weeks,” he informed them, speaking through his smile as he looked at his friends. “Place your bets, boys.”
“Name ’em after me,” Ashton grinned dimply, earning an amused snort from Aspen as Ashton laughed at her. “What? Ashton for a boy, Ashley for a girl.”
Calum scoffed as Aspen shot the hazel eyed man a smirk, raising her eyebrows at him as she said, “If the baby’s named after you, you’re automatically the one changing the diapers. I don’t make the rules.”
Laughter rounded the table as Ashton scrunched his face up, shaking his head in protest as Calum jumped in. “Oi, no—I’ll be on diaper duty.” Finger poking at Aspen’s shoulder, arm still around the chair, Calum pouted at her, “Don’t be giving my job to someone else.”
Luke shook his head in amusement. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so excited to change a shitty diaper.”
“You kidding?” Calum’s smile was wide, biting down on his lower lip as his dark eyes met Aspen’s green. The sincerity was present, his following words relevant to both the diapers as well as the excitement that enveloped them. “I can’t wait.”
--
tags: @irwinkitten @loveroflrh @sweetcherrymike @astroashtonio @softforcal @meetashthere @novacanecalum @captain-what-is-going-on @angelbbycal @singt0mecalum @hopelessxcynic @lfwallscouldtalk @bodhi-black @findingliam-o @softlrh @calntynes @calumsmermaid @erikamarie41 @quintodosuniversos @longlastingdaydream @babylon-corgis @lukehemmingsunflower @imfuckin10plybud @pastelpapermoons @conquerwhatliesahead92 @rotten-kandy @neigcthood @ohhmuke @old-zeppelin-shirt @5sos-and-hessa @trustmeimawhalebiologist @vxlentinecal @pettybassists @vaporshawn @lu-my-golden-boi @visualm3nte @isabella-mae13 @dontjinx-it @lifeakaharry @neonweeknds @antisocialbandmate @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave @calpalbby @grreatgooglymoogly @sunnysidesblog @miahelizaaabeth @madelynerin @dramallamawithsparkles @kaytiebug14 @hoodskillerqueen @bitchinbabylon @empathycth @xhaileyreneex @inlovehoodx @aestheticrelated @bloodlinecal @sublimehood @madbomb @raabiac @britnicole11 @outofmylimitcal @wildflower-cth @bloodmoonashton @vxidhood @wildflowergrae
#calum hood#calum hood one shot#calum hood imagine#calum hood imagines#calum hood blurbs#calum hood blurb#calum hood fanfic#calum hood fic#5sos#5 seconds of summer#ashton irwin#michael clifford#luke hemmings#5sos one shot#5sos imagine#5sos imagines#5sos blurb#5sos blurbs#5sos fanfic#5sos fic#ashton irwin imagine#luke hemmings imagine#michael clifford imagine#ashton irwin one shot#luke hemmings one shot#michael clifford one shot#ashton irwin blurb#luke hemmings blurb#michael clifford blurb#ashton irwin imagines
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You & Me : chapter 43
A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA
Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS
CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34|| CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42
NOTES:
-one chapter is her pov, the next is his
-4.5k
-im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it.
-there WILL be smut. but not only smut.
-this is a romance, comedy, smut story.
-for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.
READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE
- notes: wow, it took a while didnt it? i have a hard time writing this story for a few specific reasons and thats why it takes me longer. i also need to plan the ending of this and its not easy because im scared to forget something. but i hope you enjoy this chapter! thanks so much for still reading this story!!!
if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)
requests! : its late and i hope i dont forget any! i didnt add everything from the 2nd request in my chapter tho. i also promise more requests in the next chapter! its all planned so thank you!
TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE
Chapter 43 : His chapter
NIALL
June 25th, 2018
"Okay, move slightly on the right." I heard her, doing what she told me cautiously. "Now watch out, there's a step."
"Big or small?"
"Uhm, medium" she replied after thinking about it.
"Gee Liv, thanks!" I replied sarcastically before I carefully tried to put my foot on the step.
She guided me with difficulty until the car and I packed her last few boxes in the trunk. We sat in the car and I started it, feeling her gaze on me but I tried to ignore it until I felt her hand on my thigh. I suddenly relaxed and my eyes met hers for half a second before going back on the road.
"You should have let me help you." she pointed out with a soft voice. "I can carry more than one box, you know."
The left corner of my lips raised gently and I glanced at her again before stopping at a red light and turning my head completely her way. Her eyebrows raised and I sent her a small smile, shaking my head.
"I want you to let me take care of you." I admitted, bending closer to press my lips gently against hers in a quick kiss. "Besides, an old lady like you shouldn't carry heavy things."
With a chuckle, she slapped my arm gently as I started laughing and started driving again. It was already mid june and we had been working on her moving in with me for about a week. Most things were actually bought by Louis so all the furniture stayed there but it took us a while to pack all her stuff and bring the boxes to my house. I mean, our house.
"I'm only two years older than you!" she argued, making me laugh even more. "Do I have to call you 'kiddo'?"
"Please, I'm a man." I let out with a frown, half-joking. "You know it, you've seen me naked."
"Oh how my life has changed since then." she replied wih a chuckle, making me smile too.
We brought her stuff to our room and started unpacking together after I put music on. It invaded the house so loudly that the neighbours probably heard since we had opened the windows. It was a warm saturday afternoon and I still had a little bit more than a week off. I knew we were going to miss each other since I was about to leave for three months (even if i was going to be back here at some point in august for a few concerts) but we didn't talk about it much, as if it would make things worst.
I kept glancing at her from time to time as I was putting her stuff in my closet and my lips curled when I noticed she was dancing while putting her clothes in her dresser. It was nothing new. She had always been like that but somehow, at this exact moment, it made me realize how perfect this moment was. Loud music, finally sharing a house with the woman I loved, watching my girlfriend dance and sing happily close to me with a promise ring hidden in my underwear drawer. That whole scenario happening right in front of me felt like the accomplishment of something very very important and even if I couldn't define exactly what, I tried to remember this in my brain like the movie of a memory I wanted to watch over and over again until i'd be on my death bed. The smallest details seemed important and when she moved a lock of hair that had stuck on her lips behind her ear, I held my breath. Could I write a song about this?
She turned around and our eyes met and suddenly, her lips curled into a fond smile. I loved when she looked at me like that. I was used to it, because she's looked at me like that for as long as I could remember, but it's only now, the second time we're dating, that I realized what it meant and how important it was.
"Are you gonna help me or are you just going to stare at me while I do all the work?"
I chuckled and rolled my eyes before shaking my head and grabbing an other box. It was heavy and when I opened it, I saw a bunch of books, the first one on the top being the one she was reading at the moment. I knew because sometimes we'd just sit together in the living room in silence. She'd read and sometimes i would too, or id end up writing, or playing guitar. Just being in the same room was enough sometimes and I liked it. I grabbed the book and turned it around to read the summary but something else caught my attention and I frowned. Something was sticking out of the book and I pulled on it slightly only to see my face and hers on a few pictures. It came from the photobooth and if my memory served me right, it was from the first time we dated. I pulled on it more to see all the pictures and finally just opened the book so she wouldn't lose her page and let my eyes roam on the older pictures of us. I remembered how I felt, but I was well aware it was not comparable to the feelings I had now.
"Can't believe you kept this."
My eyes didn't move from the pictures but I felt her stop moving and finally get closer to me. I sat on my bed and I felt her sit next to me in silence until I finally looked up in her eyes.
"You have no idea of all the things I kept." she admitted and I could swear her cheeks turned a soft shade of pink. "I kept a lot of souvenirs of you, Niall."
My smile curled a bit and she chuckled. "Really?"
"Oh don't look at me like that, it's not like I built a shrine for you or anything." she just rolled her eyes. "But your friendship and your love... yea, it's important for me."
I ran my thumb gently on the pictures for a few more minutes and finally put them back in the book before closing it. I stared at it until Liv grabbed my hand and I squeezed her fingers, looking up at her and sending her a smile.
"You know we need to christen the rooms." This time, she let out a loud laughter and it made my lips curl. "It's true!"
"It only applies to new places, Niall!" she laughed more. "We've already had sex pretty much in all the rooms of this house, and that says a lot!"
"Are you sure?" I asked, raising my eyebrows before she nodded. "All the bathrooms? Bedrooms?" She nodded again and I raised my nose up with a low groan, making her laugh again. "There must be somewhere we didn't fuck!"
"On the dryer."
"What?" I frowned.
"We never fucked on your dryer." she repeated with an amused smile, her head tilted. "We fucked in the showers, kitchen's table, kitchen's counter, on the couch, on the floor of the living room, in all the beds, on all the bedroom floors, in the music room and against that piano.. One time you even grabbed me when I got out of the shower to fuck me against the wall in the hall."
The left corner of my lips curled as the memory came back to my head and I raised my eyebrows. "Oh yea, I remember."
"But I don't remember fucking on the dryer."
My eyes roamed on her and I licked my lips. "We can do that now."
"Join me in 5 minutes?"
I raised my eyebrows in surprise when she suddenly got up and left. My fingers gripped the book in my hands tighter and I finally put it on the bed before turning my eyes to the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was the longest 5 minutes of my life and if I wanted to be honest, I only waited 3 and a half anyway.
I heard the dryer's noise and frowned a bit when I realized she had started it and when I got there, she was sitting on it and I noticed the matching black and silk panties and bra she was wearing. Her legs were hanging down the dryer and she was holding herself with her hands slightly behind her body, her dark hair falling near her back, and I stopped as soon as our eyes met.
"When did you put this on?"
"I wore them all day." she admitted with a smirk before chuckling when my face changed. "I mean, I wanted to show you but we were sort of busy."
I took a few steps closer slowly and put my palms on her thighs, sliding my hands up very slowly on her soft skin.
"Spread your legs, petal." I whispered as she bit her bottom lip but did as I asked.
"I wasn't sure if it actually looked good on me." she admitted low and I shook my head quickly.
"Oh shut up, darling, this makes me so fucking hard." To prove my point, I turned my hips a bit and pressed my hard cock through my pants against her naked thigh. "See?"
I ran my hands up to her breasts, touching them before slipping one of my hands under it to run the tip of two of my fingers on her nipple. "I'm so torn right now. I want to rip it off of you, but watching them on you is so fucking hot."
"Just move my panties aside and fuck me."
Her eyes seemed to sparkle but her expression was needy and I just licked my lips, bringing my hands down to my jeans and unzipping them as I kept staring at her.
"Such a needy little slut." I let out in a low tone. "Tell me how bad you want my cock. Beg me."
Her eyes never leaving mine, she brought her feet on the dryer, exposing her panties even more to me and slowly, I took my cock out and started stroking it. I could feel the dryer getting warmer and the way she seemed to shake over it made me want her even more.
"Fuck, Niall, I want you so bad. I need you deep inside me." she whimpered and licked her lips. "Please, Niall, I need your cock, please i'm begging you, fuck me."
I jerked off harder, making sure the tip of my dick rubbed against her pussy over her panties, and she whimpered and bit her bottom lip harder.
"Move your panties, pet. Show me your pretty little cunt."
She did as I asked and my eyes dropped between her legs as I moved even closer, close enough for the tip of my cock to push inside her. I groaned low and she let out a short whimper as I felt her throb around me.
"Deeper." she breathed out. "Fill me."
Quickly, I pushed myself inside her until I was balls deep and she let out a moan, her head falling back slightly and her eyes fluttering.
"Like this petal? How does my cock feel?"
She squirmed slightly and with difficulty but I watched her shake glancing a few times down to watch her grind despite herself on my dick. The feeling was amazing and I groaned louder when I felt her clench around me.
"So good, so fucking good." she whimpered again.
"You're so fucking wet and horny I just want to watch you fuck yourself on my cock until you cum all over it, baby girl." I let out without thinking. "How about you do that?"
I moved as close as I could and she ground on me for a few minutes. I loved the way she moved, all her facial expressions and the way her moans sounded but after a while, I couldn't take it anymore and grabbed her waist, my fingers sinking in her skin as I pulled her against me in motion with my thrusts.
"Fuck, i'm gonna cum." I just said still going hard.
I didn't know if it was because of my words or if she had been holding it for a while but she started shaking even harder against me as she came, my name escaping her lips in incredible moans and bringing me to my own orgasm. I shut my eyes tight, pushing myself so hard against her to make sure I went as deep as I could, and when I got down from my high, I leaned my forehead against hers, eyes still closed, as we both panted with parted lips.
"This is so much better." I whispered, moving a bit to reach her lips with mine.
"Better than what?" she asked in a breath as I kissed her gently again.
"Better than anything. Better than anyone." I confessed. "Better than sex without feelings."
It took her about a minute to talk but her words made me open my eyes suddenly.
"Are you in love with me, Niall?"
I pulled away to look in her eyes and frowned for a few seconds before shaking my head. I knew she was probably asking me simply because she wanted to hear it but I couldn't help but fear that she doubted it.
"Yes. I am in love with you, Olivia." I affirmed. "It will never change. I'll always be in love with you, for as long as I live, and maybe even after."
---
June 29th, 2018
I was a bit sad she had insisted on inviting Louis and Eleanor on her birthday but I went along with it because it was her day and I loved her. She also had asked for nothing big, just a movie and games night with our friends, and somehow, I was down with that. Normally, I'd want to celebrate in a bar with many more friends but we were about to be separated for a while and I was not in the mood to celebrate that. I was just grateful I could spend her birth day with her.
"Okay, Liv, you sit next to me. Your boyfriend can sit next to El." I heard Louis say as I walked back in the living room with two bowls of popcorn.
"Excuse me? I pretty much intend on watching this movie cuddling my girlfriend, thank you very much!" I argued with a frown as I stood in the middle of the living room.
"If we do that we'll just spend an hour and a half making out!" Louis explained with round eyes. "At least you two will! You're both horny animals!"
"It's not like we were gonna fuck in front of you." I pointed out, rolling my eyes before sitting next to Eleanor who just laughed.
"Don't be a jealous boyfriend, Niall. Liv was my roommate before being your girlfriend again and I'm very sad that I can't wake her up by literally jumping in her bed at 6 in the morning anymore!" he joked with a chuckle before turning to my girlfriend. "Bet you miss it too!"
"6 in the morning?" I repeated with a frown again. "You never wake up so early."
"He did when he had meetings for his album." Olivia pointed out. "As you already know, 'pain in the ass' is in his DNA."
I laughed and she did too but the way she looked at me made me smile. Louis placed his arm on the back of the couch, near her shoulders, and I groaned low at sight. It's not that I wanted to read too much into this, but it was bothering me a lot and it was tough to hide. I was not the type to be jealous and I knew Olivia loved me, but every time I saw them near each other, I couldn't help but remember that they fucked multiple times and that nothing could ever erase that.
What took me out of my thoughts was something hitting my nose and the sweet laughter of my girlfriend. I shook my head slightly and sent her a smile as she sent me more popcorn and I grabbed some from my own bowl before throwing it at her, too. She laughed louder and we kept on throwing popcorn at each other until Louis groaned and stopped the movie. It was crazy how easily Louis could make himself home. He was using my remote for my tv, was sitting on my favorite spot on the couch, cuddling with my girlfriend.
"Fine! Fine I get it!" Louis gave in, raising his hand up in defeat. "You guys can't stay too far away from each other for too long. It's sad but it is what it is!"
He practically jumped off the couch and walked up to me. After a quick head movement, I sent him a smile and got up to. I let myself fall next to Liv and immediately, she cuddled my side like a magnet, making me smile more. I had no idea why I was insecure when it came to Louis, but she proved over and over again that I had no reason to be. I wrapped my arm around her to pull her closer and we finished the movie before grabbing a few beers and talking. It was almost 3 in the morning when Louis and El left and I watched as Liv got up, yawned and stretched.
"I'm so tired, let's go to bed, yea?"
"We really should clean first." I pointed out, grabbing a few bottles.
I was about to bring them to the kitchen but she stopped me with a grimace and a groan. "Niall, we need to sleep. Come onnnn, we can do that tomorrow."
I stared at her and sighed, not really sure I liked the idea but I finally nodded and followed her to the room as she held my hand and pulled me with her. We fell asleep quickly but she did before me and for some reason, I enjoyed watching her snore lightly, her lips parted, as I held her close to me. These days, we fell asleep holding each other face to face and it was very different from our usual spooning. Still, I liked it but when I woke up, she was on the other side of the bed, her legs were over mine, and I smiled at how much she had moved.
I got up, put sweatpants on and made coffee before drinking a cup as I looked at the mess in the living room and the kitchen. She joined me about half an hour later, entering the kitchen as she yawned. It made me chuckle but I liked the mess of her hair and her lazy smile. I wanted that every single morning of my life.
"Slept well?"
"Yes but not enough." she just shrugged with an other yawn.
I poured her coffee in her favorite mug and we both drank in silence, leaned against the counter. After I was done, I put my cup in the sink and without turning back to look at her, I sighed.
"We need to clean now."
"Mm, I just woke up. We can do that later in the afternoon." she just shrugged.
"Liv, we need to clean now. That's what happens when we postpone these kind of things. It'll never be fun but doing it now means we can do something else after."
She stared at me a few seconds and sighed, letting her head fall back on her shoulders. I didn't want to argue with her, and I knew how messy she was, but she also knew I was the opposite and that leaving everything as is the night before had been annoying to me.
"Well I don't want to do it now."
I didn't expect that answer and took a step back as my eyebrows raised.
"Why are you being like that?"
"Why are you being like that?" she repeated. "This can wait! I can't believe we're arguing over that!"
"Olivia, please! We left this mess last night and we need to clean!"
"You knew how i was before I started living here, it's nothing new!" she let out a bit roughly.
"And you know how I was too!" I argued before she brought her hands to her face and sighed. "You need to make efforts, okay? I am!"
My voice was a bit too loud and I knew it but I was getting pissed. I couldn't believe we were arguing over something like that. After all we had been through, I didn't want to accept that something so silly could be what would end us.
"I just... I need a shower."
I left without waiting for her answer and stayed a bit too long under the hot stream but when I got out of the bathroom with clean clothes, my lips curled at the sight. She had cleaned a good part of the living room and was now working on filling the dishwasher. I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind, leaning my chin on her shoulder.
"Thank you." I whispered, leaving a few kisses on her neck and she finally turned in my arms to look in my eyes.
"I'm sorry."she sighed and licked her lips. "I'll make efforts, I promise."
We finished cleaning and ended up sitting at the table with an other cup of coffee and eggs. The problem was, I couldn't stop thinking that I was leaving in a few days and it bothered me. I wanted us to discuss it but at the same time, I was not sure she wanted to talk about it. I knew that she thought mentioning things out loud made them more real or concrete but ignoring them and pretending the problems weren't there wouldn't make them disappear.
"It's gonna be tough, you know. We'll be away from each other for quite a while."
It took her a few seconds to answer as she seemed focused on her coffee but after a while, she breathed in and sighed.
"I know it won't be easy, Niall, but I also know that it will never be as hard as it was without you for a whole year. So yea, I think we can get through this and come out stronger." she said in a calm way before looking up in my eyes. "I hate being away from you but that won't change my love for you, not even just a little."
I reached for her hand on the table and squeezed her fingers before sending her a small smile. "It won't change mine either. And you're right, that year without you was the worse I've ever been through."
"It's... different." she told cautiously, looking up at me and noticing my questioning look. "You spent that year without me because you decided it, it was your choice. You did it for a reason and you wanted to be alone to live things you clearly thought you couldn't live with me. But me... I suffered through it. You broke up with me, broke my heart... I lost my best friend and the love of my life at the same time, you know? We didn't live that year the same way."
I felt my heart thump hard in my chest and I just nodded very slightly, as we stared at each other.
"You know, Niall... you left me with nothing." she said and I could swear I heard her voice crack. "I tried to find someone else, to find what I was missing from someone else, but I never really found it because what I was missing was you." Once again, she breathed in and sighed. "I know it's not easy but maybe you should try to put yourself in my shoes and... try to understand how I feel, you know? How I felt all those months."
I remembered that she told me it was tough for her but I never really understood how hard it had been until I found out she had literally tried to kill herself. Still, I felt like I couldn't really know the feeling and never would be able to. I remained silent as her words kept running in my head and finally held my breath. I couldn't believe I was thinking about writing a song in such a deep moment but I was and I just shook my head.
"You're right, Liv." I admitted, reaching for her other hand and squeezing both of them tight. "I'll try to understand how you felt in that year we were apart, after I broke you. It's hard to imagine but, I know I've hurt you more than I ever hurt anyone else, and I'll listen to everything you have to say about it."
She sent me a fond smile and nodded. "I can't really put it in the past." she added low. "Not because I don't want to, but because I feel like it's part of our story. I thought I knew who you were, I thought you'd never leave. I mean, we've known each other for decades... I thought you would never break my heart. But it was hard to accept, you know? That I didn't know you as well as I thought I did. I felt like... you ripped my heart out. Like you stole something from me that I could never get back without really knowing what it was. And I wanted it back. The worst was.. I still wanted to be with you. If you had came back I would have said yes in a heartbeat. I was always thinking of you, no matter who I was with, and yes, it includes Louis."
I stared at her, blinking a few times but still remained silent. I didn't want to let go of her hands and I also didn't want to talk. I thought it was just time to listen.
"I just... I went in bars and clubs to change my mind, I tried to date other people, I tried to drink my pain away... I just wanted to get over you and nothing worked, because I had nothing left." She paused again and shrugged. "I learned that making you the center of my life was not a good idea but it was something I was used to, I did it since I was a kid. Now I don't want to do things for you, Niall. I want to do things for us, and I want you to do the same. It's a team work. I mean, it's us against the world, right? That's what we said?"
I sent her a bigger smile and nodded. "It is. You and me."
#niall horan#niall horan smut#niall horan fluff#niall horan story#niall horan fanfic#niall horan fan fic#niall horan fanfiction#niall horan fan fiction#niall horan writing#1dff#my fanfics#yam
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Tagged by @eyanril, so I’m following her format.
Rules: List the first and last lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!) See if there are any patterns. Then tag 10 authors!
Tagging: @juniorstarcatcherfiction, @oh-great-authoress, @britinthewoods, @ngoc12thefangirl, @bighound-littlebird, @phelfromgrace, @maulfrk, @dying-suffering-french-stalkers, and anyone else who wants.
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1) A Perfect Storm (Fandom: Star Wars, Subject: Hux and Rose stranded on Crait, Character(s): Hux/Rose )
All too-familiar aching pain raced across his entire frame as Hux gasped a ragged breath down his bruised throat. // The wars might go on out there, among the stars, but for them, everything to come would be very different, no matter what they discovered.
2) The Dangers Of Nar Shadda Casinos (Fandom: Star Wars, Subject: Posing as a couple on Nar Shadda, Character(s): Hux/Rose )
Rose hurries down a roughhewn street, although she tries to not look like she is hurrying. // He can.
3) A Change Of Mind (Fandom: Star Wars, Subject: Hux making his decision to turn against Kylo, Character(s): Hux, Pryde, Palpatine)
Hux swallowed hard, watching the set of Allegiant General Pryde’s shoulders as the older man watched the Supreme Leader’s antics amidst the smoke and ruin of Mustafar. // But he would never answer to a Sith Lord again.
4) A Drop Of Water And A Little Pity (Fandom: Hunchback of Notre Dame, Subject: Quasimodo's thoughts and feelings while on the pillory, Character(s): Quasimodo, Esmeralda, Frollo)
He looked down at the cracking, wooden floorboards that supported him, trying desperately not to think about the slice of leather and metal across his back. // “Belle…”
5) A Rose Among Thorns (Fandom: Star Wars, Subject: Rose is Hux's handler while he spies for the Resistance, Character(s): Rose/Hux)
“Say that again?” Rose demanded, her voice was somewhat drowned out amid the bustle of Ajan Kloss. // Life and, as it turned out, love was what had happened while they had been busy making other plans.
6) Fate Decided And Dawning (Fandom: Star Wars, Subject: Ben and Rey making and trying out their new lightsabers, Character(s): Ben/Rey)
Despite his attempts to burnish the lightsaber pommel’s greyish finish to a silvery shine, it remained weather worn. // They both waved to BB-8's strident burbling welcome as they returned to the ship that for now, they called home, just as the stars began to shine brightly above them.
7) Interlude: Of Desire And Decision (Fandom: Star Wars, Subject: Hux and Seela finally get to consumate their relationship, Character(s): Hux/OFC)
One of the perks of being on the Tantive was that just about everything one could need was within a short walking distance. // "I will never stop loving you.”
8) Memory Past And Pursued (Fandom: Star Wars, Subject: Rey is seduced by Ben proficiency in the kitchen bay, Character(s): Ben/Rey)
"Never thought I'd miss my calligraphy set," Ben mused. // Ben curled around her, cradling them together in a kind of nest, as they drifted into a dreamless, contented sleep.
9) Howling Of the Heart (Fandom: Game of Thrones, Subject: Sandor survives and is pissed about it, Character(s): Sandor/Sansa, Arya, Bran, assorted OCs)
Everything was burning. // It suited him well enough; he didn't care for those types of games anyway, and he knew he could face any reservations they'd express... if they dared to.
10) Interlude: Of Help And Healing (Fandom: Star Wars, Subject: Hux has surgery and Seela helps him recover, Character(s): Hux/OFC)
Seela hung up her flight jacket, leaving her in a sleeveless top and some loose fatigue pants. // "Love... your mother could well be alive!"
11) Love Forged And Forgiven (Fandom: Star Wars, Subject: Everyone's leaving Ajan Kloss and loose ends need to be tied up, Character(s): Finn/Poe, Ben/Rey, Hux/OFC)
Finn didn’t move. // "I'll never let you go, sweetheart."
12) Interlude: Secrets And Sharing (Fandom: Star Wars, Subject: Aftermatch of Leia's funeral, Character(s): Hux/OFC)
"You did good out there, Armie," Seela said as they headed back to the hangar to continue inventory and putting together supply packs for those leaving soon. // She actually laughed in shock for a second before catching him in a sweet kiss. "I love you, too freykaa."
13) Hope Remembered And Renewed (Fandom: Star Wars, Subject: Leia's funeral/memorial, Character(s): Ben/Rey, Hux/OFC, Poe)
"You should attend, Armie," Seela urged. // Something we finally have enough of.
14) Interlude: Of Chaos And Caring (Fandom: Star Wars, Subject: Bunch of vigniettes after Voices Within and Without, Character(s): Hux/OFC, Ben/Rey, Finn, Poe, Kaydel)
The realization that he should be dead hit him harder than a blaster bolt. // And for the first time, Armitage Hux felt hope.
15) Voices Within And Without (Fandom: Star Wars, Subject: Ben Solo deserved better, Character(s): Ben/Rey)
What parts of his body that he could feel were in agony as he scrambled for purchase on the jagged rockface. // “Wow. You have no room to be twitting me about Ben.”
16) Why The Caged Bird Sings (Fandom: Game of Thrones, Subject: Sandor and Sansa make love AFTER the battle against the dead, Character(s): Sandor/Sansa)
Sitting at the high table in the great hall of Winterfell, Sansa struggled to sort out her emotions following their narrow victory against the Army of the Dead. // "Ah, fuck me!" he swore in disgust.
17) The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night (Fandom: Game of Thrones, Subject: Sandor and Sansa make love BEFORE the battle against the dead, Character(s): Sandor/Sansa)
Sansa took a deep breath, watching the cloudy vapor swirl above her face. // So help her, Seven; if she managed to live through the rest of this night, she was going to find Sandor Clegane and she was going to make her dreams real.
18) Of This, Our Time (Fandom: Hiddlestoners, Subject: Shameless self-insert fantasy, Character(s): Tom Hiddleston/thinly veiled version of the author)
He was definitely lost and that was not a good thing; especially since the August evening sky was gloomy with rain clouds. // Very soon...
19) Mating Habits (Fandom: Hiddlestoners, Subject: Tom is a museum curator, Character(s): Tom Hiddleston/OFC)
Free museum days were fantastic. // “Wild Irish Elks couldn't stop me.”
20) Soothe the Savage Beast (Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Subject: Introducing Sigyn!, Character(s): Loki/Sigyn, Odin, Thor, Frigga)
Sometimes she wished she’d never come to the palace, that she’d stayed in her little village in Vanaheim, safe with her own people. // "We will face it. Head on. Together."
----------------------------------------
Patterns: I seem to like "establishing shots" for opening lines and maybe somewhat abrupt ending lines.
Fave Opening Line: “Say that again?” Rose demanded, her voice was somewhat drowned out amid the bustle of Ajan Kloss. I just like how it opens in the middle of conversation. Way to toss the audience in without their swimmies.
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21 Things To Do This Summer PJM
y/n has a week left to live and 21 things she wanted to do this summer. Jimin vows to help her do them all before she dies and give her the summer of a lifetime.
jimin x reader - angst, fluff, comedy, non-idol!au
Part of BangtanHQ’s ‘Bangtan Boardwalk’ at the ‘Summertime Sadness’ booth!
Rating: Mature (heavy themes and strong language - read with caution)
Word Count: 16.9k+ (she’s a monster omg)
Warnings: death and illness, discussion of death and illness, jokes about death and illness, brain tumour, discussion of eating disorders, brief mention of murder and crime (y/n jokes that Jimin could be a murderer or a thief), explicit language throughout, I think that’s it but please let me know if you noticed that I missed anything
a/n: here’s the first part guys! if you enjoy it, make sure to check out the other fics in the Summertime Sadness booth, and the other booths on the Bangtan Boardwalk! a huge thank you to @silverlightprincess for proofreading this massive fic, I love you so damn much x
silverlightqueen masterlist
y/n’s Summer Bucket List
21 Things to Do This Summer
1) Make a new friend
2) Dye my hair
3) Go on a road trip
4) Do pavement chalk
5) Get everybody I talk to to sign a shirt
6) Have s’mores at a bonfire
7) Get drunk and skinny dip at the beach
8) Make a wish balloon
9) Go to a fairground
10) Have a picnic
11) Get a tattoo
12) Sleep under the stars
13) Cloud watch
14) Try camping for the first time
15) Have a water fight
16) Make homemade ice cream
17) Have a pyjama day
18) Send a message in a bottle
19) Watch fireworks
20) Go to a drive-in movie
21) Make a photo album of it all
‘Hey! Hey, excuse me! Hey, wait, you dropped something!’ I can hear someone shouting and, despite the tears running down my face, I roll my eyes, wondering why the idiot who dropped something doesn’t stop to get it. ‘Excuse me! Hey, wait!’ I hear, the voice getting closer, before I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I realise; I’m the idiot.
I turn around to see a boy. The first thing I notice is the piece of paper in his hand. The second thing I notice is that I already know him. ‘You dropped thi- oh, y/n! Hey! Long time, no see. Wait, whoa, are you crying?’ he asks, and I roll my eyes again as I frustratedly wipe away my tears. ‘No, Jimin, why? Does it look like I am?’ I spit out sarcastically. ‘Okay, I’m going to ignore how rude that was because you’re clearly upset about something, and I’m going to be a good person and return this to you,’ he says, holding out the piece of paper. When I realise what it is, I snatch it from him, tucking it safely into my bag and mentally chiding myself for nearly losing it.
‘Thank you. Sorry for being rude,’ I say before I turn away, continuing to head home. It’s only after a few seconds I realise he’s walking beside me, and I speed up, trying to get away from him. He speeds up too. I slow down. So does he. I stop in my tracks, turning to shoot him an annoyed look, and he merely grins back at me, blinding me with his annoyingly handsome smile.
‘What do you want, Jimin?’ I ask tiredly, deciding not to be rude after he returned my list to me. ‘Well, it’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other, so I thought it’d be nice to catch up. And I also know you, and you’re clearly upset about something, and I’m not going to abandon somebody who I have history with if they’re crying. And, as well as being a very caring and empathetic person, I’m very curious, and so I have to find out why you’re upset,’ he says, and I frown, continuing to walk, even more annoyed when he continues to walk alongside me.
‘It’s none of your business, Jimin,’ I say sharply, hoping he’ll leave me alone. ‘Well, obviously. It’s your business. But the nature of being curious is wanting to know other people’s business,’ he says as though he’s speaking to a little child, and I shoot him another look. ‘You’re practically a stranger.’ ‘I am not! We had classes together through the whole of high school!’ ‘I’m not going to tell you my business,’ I say with a note of finality, hoping he’ll leave the subject. And leave me, for that matter.
‘Would you tell me if you knew me better?’ he asks thoughtfully, and I roll my eyes. ‘Probably, yes.’ ‘Okay. I’m a Libra, I hate spinach and 13 is my lucky number. Oh, and I dance,’ he says, and I literally want to bash my head against a wall. ‘That does not mean I know you better. It just means you overshare.’ ‘Well, you can’t say I’m practically a stranger. Maybe only half a stranger,’ he says, and I let out a humourless laugh at how persistent he is, and he grins, mistaking it for a real laugh.
‘God, what is it with you? What do I have to say to you to get you to leave me alone?’ I ask, stopping in the street and putting my hand on my hip. ‘If you tell me why you’re crying. Or, should I say, were? Because, if you haven’t already noticed, you’re no longer crying. Thanks to me,’ he grins, and I actually didn’t notice that I’m not crying anymore.
‘Well, your stupid ass has distracted me,’ I admit, and he laughs, the sound quite… endearing. ‘So? Tell me then. I think I deserve to know. Considering I cheered you up,’ he says, and I roll my eyes yet again. ‘I said that you distracted me. That is not the same as cheering me up. Listen, Jimin, I’d appreciate it if you left me alone. It’s nice to see you again, and I hope everything’s going well in your life, but it is not a good time for me right now. My patience is seriously wearing thin,’ I say, continuing to walk, but he still walks beside me, making me want to throttle him.
‘I think your patience was already thin. And I’m a good citizen, so I would never just let a pretty girl crying pass me by without asking what’s wrong. Especially if I already know her,’ he says lightly, and I roll my eyes. Is he seriously trying to flirt with me? ‘Jimin. Leave me alone,’ I say seriously, putting emphasis on every word as the anger begins to bubble up in my stomach. ‘Not until you tell me what’s wro-’ ‘I have a week left to live!’ I shout, losing my temper, and his face instantly transforms from teasing and light, to shocked and guilty as tears fill my eyes. That’ll teach him not to pry into other people’s business.
‘Oh. Oh, gosh. I’m sorry, y/n. I wouldn’t have asked if that’s what it was. I thought you were gonna say you’d broken up with your boyfriend or something. I’m so sorry,’ he says, sounding sincere, but I merely roll my eyes, turning and walking away, and hoping he’ll leave me alone now. ‘How’d you know?’ I hear him say from beside me, and I sigh aloud, having to physically restrain myself from hitting this boy with my bag.
‘What?’ ‘How’d you know you’ve only got a week left to live?’ ‘I went to the doctor a couple days ago, for chronic headaches. They did some scans, and then I got a call this morning to go to the hospital. They told me I have a brain tumour. Terminal. They said I’m lucky if I have another ten days,’ I say tiredly, a couple tears falling down my face which I wipe away hastily, and he takes a deep breath. ‘Wow. I’m really sorry. That’s… terrible. Is there no treatment?’ he asks, and I sigh again. ‘Yes, but they said it’s unlikely to cure it, it’ll only delay my inevitable death, and it’s… painful. I’d rather die sooner than later if later’s gonna hurt. Or it could get rid of the tumour, but it could ruin my future quality of life; I might not be able to speak the same, walk the same, even think the same. So I’ve refused treatment,’ I explain, not sure why I’m opening up to him, and he nods. ‘Reasonable. I’d do the same.’
We walk in silence for a few moments before Jimin starts speaking again. ‘So. Where are you going now?’ he asks, and I side-eye him. ‘Home.’ ‘To your boyfriend?’ ‘Don’t have one.’ ‘Girlfriend?’ ‘Don��t have one of those either.’ ‘Spouse?’ ‘I’m single.’ ‘Parents?’ ‘Don’t live with them.’ ‘Siblings?’ ‘Only child.’ ‘Friends.’ ‘Don’t have any.’ ‘What about all your friends from school?’ ‘I matured; they didn’t.’ ‘Oop. Roommates?’ ‘Nope.’
‘You live alone?’ he asks, and I laugh. ‘I have a dog. If that counts,’ I say, and he grins. ‘Of course it counts. What breed?’ ‘A miniature husky. His name’s Coco, and he’s literally tiny,’ I say, a small smile coming onto my face at the thought of my baby, and he holds a hand to his heart. ‘That’s a cute name. My friend, Taehyung – you remember him, right? – he has a Pomeranian who’s tiny, called Yeontan. Tannie for short. Tan for even shorter,’ he says, and I smile despite myself.
‘That’s so adorable. Maybe Taehyung can have Coco. He’ll need a new owner,’ I say jokingly, and Jimin winces. ‘Don’t you feel like it’s too early to make jokes?’ he asks, and I laugh. ‘It’s never too early. By the time it’s okay, I’ll be dead,’ I say bluntly, and he lets out a strangled laugh, as though he wants to hold it back but can’t.
I still feel a little shocked, but mainly numb. I went through the stages of dealing with bad news whilst I was still at the hospital. I started by denying it, and telling the doctor that something in the scan must be wrong. And then I got super angry that it hadn’t already been identified and screamed a little at her (it was my own fault, though – I’m the one that didn’t go to the doctor until it’d been months of me having headaches). Then I tried to bargain with the doctor, and ask if there were any treatments that don’t hurt or wouldn’t cause me irreversible damage, or if there was any chance I would survive any longer. And then I cried. A lot. And by a lot, I mean a lot. I got through a box and a half of tissues. I was at the hospital for three and a half hours, and spent two hours of that crying. And I was still crying when I left.
I guess I’m now in the acceptance stage. I didn’t know it was possible to move through the stages that quickly.
‘What was that paper you dropped? Your diagnosis?’ he asks, and I shake my head. ‘All my paperwork was in a folder, loads of it. I threw it in the recycling at the hospital.’ ‘Glad to see you’re looking after the planet for those of us that’ll still be here when you’re gone,’ Jimin says, almost tentatively, and I burst out laughing, covering my mouth. ‘That was funny,’ I admit, and he grins, relaxing. ‘I do try.’ ‘Yes, you’re very trying.’
‘Anyway. What was that paper then?’ he asks, and I sigh. ‘Do you, like, make it your life’s mission to pry?’ ‘No, it comes naturally. A lot of girls receive it well, actually. They like it when someone good-looking seems interested in their life,’ he smirks, and I shoot him a disgusted look. ‘Big-headed much?’ ‘Just truthful.’ ‘Well, I’m not receiving it well. Clearly.’ ‘I guess you’re not like other girls then,’ he muses, and I shoot him another look. ‘Please don’t tell me you think that’s a compliment, because it isn’t,’ I say, and he laughs. ‘I didn’t mean it like that. Let me rephrase it. You’re not like the girls that I’m used to being around.’ ‘You’re probably used to being around girls just as pretty as you.’ ‘You think I’m pretty?’ ‘Shut up.’ ‘Well, you’re right. But it’s okay, because you’re not just as pretty as me. You’re prettier.
But anyway. Are you gonna tell me what that paper is?’ he asks again, skimming over the fact he’s now called me pretty for the second time, and I sigh, giving up. ‘It’s a summer bucket list. I saw this girl reading a book with the same name in the waiting room at the doctor’s surgery the other day, and it inspired me to write one,’ I admit, and he grins. ‘That’s cute,’ he says, and I roll my eyes, looking away from him. ‘Well, I’m gonna die before I get to do any of them anyway,’ I say, and he sighs. ‘Oh. Yeah. Forgot about that,’ he says, voice small, and I nod.
We continue walking, his shoulder a few inches from mine, and I distract myself from the slightly awkward silence by looking at our surroundings instead. It’s a lovely summer’s day today; warm and sunny with the most beautiful breeze. Families are out in force despite it being a weekday, little boys running around shirtless and barefoot, and little girls in cute summer outfits. Chill ‘vibey’ music floats through open car windows, couples share ice cream at the café we walk past, birds chirp in the trees that line the road. It’s such a beautiful day. I even shaved my legs and put on a cute floral playsuit. So much for sunbathing in the garden.
‘Hang on,’ Jimin says suddenly, stopping in his tracks. ‘What?’ ‘Who says you can’t tick off your bucket list?’ he asks, and I raise an eyebrow. ‘I’m going to die, Jimin,’ I say slowly, and he lets out a frustrated noise. ‘You have a week. That’s more than enough time for us to do it all,’ he says, and my eyes widen. ‘Us? Who said anything about us?’ ‘I’ve taken it upon myself to help you tick off this bucket list.’ ‘And I’m taking it upon myself to refuse your help.’
‘Um, rude. Why?’ he asks with an amused glint in his eye, and my eyes widen even more. ‘Are you kidding? We barely know each other. The closest we ever were was when Nayeon and Jungkook dated and we all planned at their joint birthday party, and when we got paired together for that History project. That was years ago; I have no idea what kind of person you are now. You could be a murderer,’ I say, and he raises an eyebrow. ‘You’re going to die anyway,’ he says, and I stifle a laugh. ‘Okay, I’m allowed to joke about it; you are not. You could be a thief.’ ‘Again: you’re going to die anyway. But, I’m not a thief, so don’t worry. You’ll still have all of your belongings to put in your will.’ ‘Excuse me. Stop joking about my imminent death.’
‘Listen, I want to help you. Let me help you tick off your bucket list,’ he pleads, and I’m surprised at myself for actually considering it. I’m going to die anyway – I might as well spend my last few days having fun. Even if it is with an unbearably curious person from my past. ‘Please let me help you. I’ll consider my life a waste if you don’t,’ he says dramatically, dropping to the floor, making enough of a scene for people to look over at us. ‘Jimin, get up,’ I hiss, and he scrabbles at my shoes. ‘I’ll die if you don’t let me. Please, y/n, please let me,’ he wails, and I look around embarrassedly, feeling lots of stares on us.
‘If I say yes, will you stop making such an embarrassment of yourself?’ I hiss, and he looks up at me with wide eyes and a grin, nodding. ‘Then, yes. I’ll let you help me,’ I sigh, and he jumps up from the floor, a wide smile spreading across his lips. ‘Okay, let’s see what I’m working with,’ he says, and I look at him blankly. ‘Let me see the list,’ he prompts, and I pull the list out of my bag, handing it to him tiredly.
‘Okay, let’s see. ‘y/n’s Summer Bucket List’. Cute. ‘21 Things to Do This Summer’. Only 21 things? This’ll be easier than I thought,’ he says, before his eyes scan down the rest of the list. As he reads it, I look him up and down, inspecting him. He’s changed since school. A lot. He’s now around 5’8’’, with clear golden skin, chocolate brown eyes, plump pink lips and ink black hair swept back from his forehead (must be dyed because I remember his hair being a lot lighter than this). He’s dressed in a pair of grey shorts and a plain white t-shirt, a loose grey jacket over the top of it with pair of sunglasses at the back of his head. ‘Okay, well, you’ve already achieved number one. Making a new friend,’ he says, pointing at himself with a grin, and I roll my eyes exasperatedly. ‘I don’t know you well enough to call you a friend,’ I say, and he sighs.
‘That’s the best bit. You barely know me, and I barely know you. We can be whoever we want to be. All I know about you is the vague stuff from school, and I know that you had high hopes for this summer, but you’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness. And you’ve only got a week left. And that you’re grumpy and get annoyed easily and are not receptive to strangers. And you’ve got a dog called Coco. All you know about me is the vague stuff from school, and that I’m a Libra, I hate spinach, my lucky number is 13, and that I dance.’ ‘And that you’re annoyingly curious and persistent and stubborn and think a lot of yourself.’ ‘Exactly! That’s literally nothing in the grand scheme of things.’
‘So you think we should lie to each other about what and who we are?’ ‘No, no, you’re misunderstanding. Haven’t you ever wanted to be like someone, but you’re too scared to, or you’re too stuck in your ways?’ he asks, voice soft, and I nod. ‘This is your chance. We barely know each other, and we have no more than a week together. You get to be whatever you want to be, y/n, and we’ll tick off everything on your list. We can be like those reckless teenagers from all those stupid films. What have you got to lose?’ he says gently, his eyes big and his words convincing.
‘We can’t do all this in a week,’ I say, and he sighs. ‘Can’t is not in my vocabulary. And neither are cannot, unable to, won’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t, mustn’t-’ ‘Who in this century says mustn’t?’ ‘We can easily do all this in a week. Even less than a week,’ he says, and I raise a sceptical eyebrow. ‘Ambitious, but I don’t think so.’ ‘And that’s not in my vocabulary either. But… give me four days,’ he says, and my eyes widen. ‘Four days?’ ‘Easy. I could probably do it in three, but I’ll say an extra day just to be sure,’ he says confidently, and I roll my eyes.
‘Haven’t you, like… got a job? Or, like, studying? You can’t just devote four days – or more – to helping me tick off my bucket list,’ I say, and he rolls his eyes. ‘Why are you so sensible? Trust me, there’s nothing I have to do,’ he says, and I raise an eyebrow, not believing him for a second. ‘Fine,’ he sighs, ‘I work with my friend – Hoseok, remember him? – at his dance studio, but he’ll let me have some time off,’ he says, and I’m still slightly sceptical, but decide to give him the benefit of the doubt.
‘Why do you want to help me? Haven’t you got better things to do with your life?’ I ask him, voice small, and he smiles, seemingly endeared. ‘There’s something tragic about you, y/n. You went to the hospital alone to be told that you’re going to die. And you don’t live with anybody. And you have a list of things you wanted to do this summer, but won’t be able to do them without help. My help. Of all the places you dropped that paper, you dropped it in front of me. And of all the people that could’ve picked it up, it was me. We haven’t seen each other since we left school, and even though the odds of us seeing each other again were slim, look where we are. Fate works in mysterious ways, y/n. Let me help you. For old time’s sake,’ he says softly, and I feel that little voice in my head whisper, ‘why not?’
‘You know what? Let’s do it,’ I say, throwing caution to the wind, and feeling a little bit of excitement bloom in my chest. ‘Wait, really?’ he asks, surprise on his face but also… hope in his eyes. ‘Yeah. Let’s do it,’ I say with a small smile, the excitement in my chest flooding out into my veins. He jumps up and pumps the air, whooping and shouting in celebration, and I don’t even feel embarrassed of him, finding it quite endearing.
‘Okay, let’s get started. It’s 12.32, so we have until 12.32 on Sunday to tick the whole list off. Let me look at the list again. Um… well, number one’s done. And the last one, the photo album, we can buy a photo album now and take pictures as we go along to put in it,’ he says, thinking aloud, before he turns abruptly. I look around in alarm before rushing after him. ‘Where are we going?’ ‘There’s a supermarket just down the road that we can get a photo album from. Oh, and we can buy an instant camera too! Cuter pictures,’ he says, and I roll my eyes with a small smile on my face.
‘We should just scrap that one. It’s not like I’ll be able to look back at it, so what’s the point?’ I say, and he frowns at me. ‘Well, we could say that about all of this, but it’s about making your last few days exciting and fun and an experience of a lifetime. So don’t say ‘what’s the point’, because there is a point,’ he says firmly, and I keep my mouth shut, unable to stop a small smile from appearing on my face.
We enter the supermarket, the change in temperature making me shiver in my skimpy outfit, and Jimin looks over at me. ‘Oh, my God, my mum would kill me if she knew how ungentlemanly I was being right now,’ he says, taking his jacket off. ‘No, Jimin, it’s fine,’ I try to stop him, but he’s already handing it to me and taking my little backpack from my hand. ‘Let me. Have you ever been treated like a princess?’ he asks, and I shake my head shyly. ‘Then take the jacket and let me hold your bag. It’s the least you deserve,’ he says, and I smile to myself as I shrug on the jacket without further complaint, watching amusedly when he puts on the backpack.
He leads us towards the electronics, the back corner of the store, and makes a beeline for the camera section. ‘What’s your favourite colour?’ he asks, and I hesitate. ‘It’s hard to choose a favourite,’ I say quietly, and he rolls his eyes, an amused smile playing at his lips. ‘Okay. What’s your favourite colour out of these?’ he says, motioning to the instant cameras, and I think before answering, ‘that one. The pastel blue.’ ‘Ah, nice choice,’ he says, picking one of the boxes up and heading over towards where the photo albums are, and I follow after him. ‘This one’s perfect!’ he says, pointing at one the same colour as the camera, and I nod, Jimin picking it up with a grin.
‘Right, let’s just double-check this list and see if there’s anything else we need,’ he says, getting the list out of his pocket again. ‘Hmm, we could buy some chalk to do number 4. And we can buy a shirt and markers to do number 5,’ he says, thinking aloud again, walking ridiculously quickly to where the art and school supplies section where the chalk and markers will be, before rushing off towards the clothes section, having me running around behind him.
Once we’ve picked out a plain white button-up dress shirt, we head over to the counter, Jimin chatting amicably with the cashier as I hang behind, surprised and slightly envious of his ability to speak to strangers like they’re close friends. ‘Would you mind doing us a favour?’ Jimin asks, and the cashier nods instantly, scanning through the shirt. ‘Can you sign this shirt? Just, like, with your name and your… job, I guess. We, um, we’re doing a project,’ Jimin says with a grin at me, and the cashier nods again, looking a little confused as Jimin hands her a marker from the pack. She writes ‘Soojung –supermarket cashier’, before handing Jimin the marker back with a grin.
‘Have you got film for this camera?’ Soojung asks as she scans it through, and Jimin looks to me, both of us exchanging an embarrassed glance. ‘No, but it’d probably help,’ I say frankly, and Jimin nods with a laugh. ‘I’ll go and grab them for you,’ the cashier says, getting up and running off. ‘We could’ve gone and gotten it, she didn’t have to,’ I say, and Jimin grins. ‘Perks of being a nice person – people do things for you that they don’t have to,’ he says pointedly, and I scowl at him. ‘Was that a dig?’ I demand, and he grins even wider. ‘Not at all, my dear, y/n,’ he says, throwing an arm around my shoulders, and I roll my eyes in response, the cashier reappearing with a couple boxes of film.
‘Do you want just the one or…?’ ‘We’ll take both,’ Jimin replies, the cashier nodding, scanning them through. ‘Gonna make some summer memories?’ the cashier asks, and we exchange another glance, a small smile playing at Jimin’s lips when he replies, ‘something like that, yeah.’
‘Okay, let’s have another look at this list,’ Jimin says once we’re seated in the back corner of his favourite coffee shop, pulling the list out of his pocket and reading it through. ‘So you’ve already made a new friend. Me. We’ve got the chalk for number four, and a shirt and markers for number 5. I should sign the shirt, right?’ he says, and I nod, thinking this’ll be easier if I let him do what he wants, and he grins, writing ‘Park Jimin - y/n’s fabulously beautiful assistant and school friend’. I raise an eyebrow, and he raises one back, challenging me to say something, but I just shake my head with a small smile.
‘Let’s look at the rest of them. Number 2, dyeing your hair… I have a trillion boxes of dye at home, that’s easy. Number 3, go on a road trip… we can do that, and tick off the others as we do it. Number 4, pavement chalk, we can do with Taehyung on his and Namjoon’s driveway because Tae’s good at art and their driveway is huge. Number 5, get everyone to sign a shirt, won’t be difficult, we just have to remember. Number 6, have s’mores at a bonfire… let me think about that one. Number 7,’ he begins, before looking up at me with a smirk, and I roll my eyes, a little embarrassed.
‘Don’t laugh. It’s something that so many people have done, and I never have,’ I say defensively, his mouth falling open. ‘You’ve never gotten drunk?’ he asks jokingly, and I laugh despite myself. ‘No, idiot, I’ve never skinny-dipped, but I’m pretty sure I’ll only have the courage to do it if I’m drunk,’ I say, and he nods, looking at me thoughtfully. ‘You can leave me with that one too, I’ll think about it.
Number 8, make a wish balloon, that’s easy. Number 9, go to a fairground… that may be a bit more difficult, but I’ll get it done. Number 10, have a picnic, easy. Number 11, get a tattoo, ooh, that’s fun. I know the perfect place. Number 12, go to a drive-in movie… difficult, but I’ll find a way. Number 13, cloud watch, super easy. Number 14, try camping for the first time, that’s easy too. Number 15, water fight… that’s easy as well. Number 16, homemade ice cream, easy. Number 17, pyjama day, even easier. Number 18, send a message in a bottle… should be easy. Number 19, run through sprinklers… shouldn’t be too hard. I hope. Number 20, stargaze and fall asleep under the stars, should be easy enough. And Number 21 is well under way already,’ he says with a grin.
The photo album already has two pictures in it; one of Jimin and I smiling and squinting in the sunlight, and one of us with the cashier, who looks a little awkward, but it’s fine. Nothing will be more awkward than telling her we’re trying to tick off a summer bucket list within a few days because I’m going to die soon. I was right – Jimin has a serious habit of oversharing.
‘Hi, welcome to the Sweetbrew. I’m Yoongi, I’ll be your server. What can I get you?’ a barista says, sounding like he wants to die, his entire face hidden behind a menu. ‘Yoongi,’ Jimin says, snatching the menu to reveal a boy with porcelain skin, mint green hair and brown eyes. I recognise him as one of Jimin’s best friends from school – Min Yoongi.
He was always one of the quieter members of their friendship group. Not shy, but more calm and laidback – it was easy to seem like that when surrounded by his friends, every single one of them having been big and loud characters. But he was just like the rest of them in that he was definitely popular, and desirable too. Everyone saw him as this sensitive and kind boy, his passion for music reinforcing that even more, and there was always somebody that was crushing on him, his look unique and intriguing. And he’s only gotten better looking since school, more mature and manly, yet still with the soft and delicate features that he had back then.
‘Oh, Jimin. Hey,’ he says, sounding a little more lively, before he turns to look at me. ‘Ah, y/n, right? From school?’ he asks, and I’m surprised at how quick he recognises me. ‘I told the group chat about you. Sorry,’ Jimin says, and my eyes widen, Yoongi sitting in the spare seat at our table. ‘What? When?’ I ask, and he grins. ‘While you got distracted playing with that puppy outside the supermarket,’ he says, and I frown.
‘Did you tell them everything?’ ‘No. Well, nearly everything. I told them what we’re doing, but I didn’t say why. Obviously,’ he says, and I fix him with a glare. ‘Oh, it’s okay to tell a random shop worker, but not your best friends?’ I ask, Yoongi shooting him a look too. ‘Not cool, Park,’ Yoongi says, and Jimin scowls. ‘I already apologised for that. I have a serious problem with oversharing,’ he says, Yoongi and I exchanging a glance as we chorus, ‘we know.’
‘Why are you doing this? If you don’t mind me asking,’ Yoongi asks, curiosity in his eyes, and I sigh. ‘I’ve got a brain tumour, so I’ve got, like, a week left to live,’ I say bluntly, Yoongi’s mouth falling open. ‘Oh. Oh, God, I’m so sorry, y/n, that’s awful,’ he says, sounding a little awkward, but I wave him off. ‘It’s fine. I’ve already gone through the five stages, and am now sufficiently distracted from my impending demise by your stupid friend,’ I say, Jimin scowling.
‘Well, at least he can make up for being stupid by helping you tick off your list. Anyway, you guys want drinks or you just chilling?’ Yoongi asks, and Jimin looks to me to answer. ‘I could do with a drink.’ ‘What would you like, y/n?’ Yoongi asks, and I hesitate, not quite sure. ‘Um… I don’t know. Jimin, what do you have?’ I ask, but Jimin already looks like he’s cooking up a scheme. ‘What fruits do you like, y/n?’ he asks me, and I think for a moment before answering, ‘berries, pineapple, mango, kiwi, peach. I like everything.’
Yoongi and Jimin exchange a glance, talking without words, and Yoongi nods before disappearing into the back. ‘Anyway. We need to get Yoongi to sign your shirt before we leave, remember. And then… we can go to Tae and Joon’s to do pavement chalk. And we should be able to make the ice cream at Tae and Joon’s too. Then we can go and pick up stuff from our houses before we go on the road trip,’ he says, and I hold up a hand.
‘We’re gonna have to go to mine before we go to Taehyung and Namjoon’s, because I’ve left Coco with the neighbour. I told her I’d only be a couple hours and it’s already been… nearly four,’ I say, Jimin nodding, and I can practically see his mind working. ‘We can get Coco and take her to theirs, and she can play with Tan while we get on with ticking things off. And then we can take her on the road trip with us the next day,’ he says, and I nod, getting more and more excited with his ideas.
‘Are you gonna drop me home tonight and then pick me up in the morning?’ I ask, and he thinks. ‘How about… we sleep over at Tae and Joon’s? You can get all your stuff when we go now, and then we’ll be able to leave first thing in the morning,’ he suggests, but I’m sceptical. ‘Won’t they mind?’ I ask, and he shakes his head instantly. ‘They’re so chill about this kinda stuff. They really won’t mind. We all sleep over at their house all the time because it’s the biggest. There’s more than enough space,’ he says, obviously trying hard to convince me, and I nod. There’s no point worrying about intruding at their house when their best friend seems to be the most intruding person in history.
Jimin looks back down at the list, thinking hard, and I smile to myself. It’s sweet that he’s putting so much effort in to try and tick off this list, even though we barely know each other. The most we ever said to each other at school would’ve been ‘d’you have a spare pen?’ or ‘can you pass me the bottle opener?’
Yoongi reappears after a couple minutes with two plastic cups in his hands, the drinks within them vibrant pink and orange. ‘I call this one… ‘y/n’s summer bucket list’. I put in the syrups for all the fruits you named and a lot of sugar and ice,’ he says, putting them down with a flourish, my heart warming as I smile at him. ‘Thank you. It looks amazing,’ I say, taking a sip, my eyes widening as the flavours explode in my mouth. ‘And it tastes amazing too,’ Jimin says, having already taken a (large) gulp.
‘I’m not the best barista here for nothing. But, y/n, you gotta take the credit. It is named after you,’ Yoongi says, and I roll my eyes with a smile. ‘Get out of here. But, for real, it tastes great, Yoongi,’ I say, the boy giving me the cutest gummy smile, and then I notice Jimin fiddling around with the camera. ‘What are you trying to do?’ I ask, stifling a laugh, and he sighs defeatedly. ‘Take a picture of us with your drink,’ he says, and I hold back a smile, ‘get someone else to take it.’
He ropes in an innocent woman sat beside us with her friend, and she takes a while to focus the camera on us and get the three of us in frame, but when the photo develops, it’s pretty good. ‘Perfect. Right, let’s head back and get Coco,’ Jimin says, and I hold out a hand. ‘Wait. Yoongi, will you sign this shirt?’ I ask, and he looks a little confused. Nevertheless, he signs it as ‘Min Yoongi – creator of the iconic ‘y/n’s summer bucket list’ drink and y/n’s school friend’.
Jimin looks thoughtful as we rise from our seats, and I side-eye him. I’ve noticed that a little bit of panic appears in my chest when I see that look on his face. ‘Yoongi, you busy tonight?’ Jimin asks, and Yoongi shakes his head. ‘I’m never busy,’ he says, and I stifle a laugh. ‘When d’you get off work?’ ‘4.’ ‘Come ‘round to Tae and Joon’s. I got an idea,’ Jimin says cryptically, wiggling his eyebrows at me, and I give him a look.
‘Okay. See you guys later then,’ Yoongi says before turning to head into the back. ‘Wait. Don’t we need to pay?’ I ask, and Yoongi smiles at me, a little sadness behind the expression. ‘It’s on the house. I might even speak to the manager about getting this drink put on the menu,’ he says, and I smile at him, trying to ignore the tears in my eyes. ‘Good idea. Thanks, Yoongi. See you later,’ I say, Jimin bidding him goodbye as he disappears into the back. ‘Okay,’ Jimin turns to look at me with a grin, ‘let’s go get Coco.’
‘Oh, y/n. Oh, my angel, I’m so sorry,’ Mrs Choi says for the eleventh time, dabbing at her eyes with her handkerchief, and I smile sadly. ‘It’s okay, Mrs Choi,’ I say, not sure what else to say, when Jimin appears at my elbow. ‘Everything’s in the car now, so whenever you’re ready,’ he says with a grin as he hands me the house keys, Mrs Choi looking him up and down. ‘Oh, Mrs Choi, this is Jimin… an old school friend. Jimin, this is Mrs Choi, my lovely neighbour who my dog likes more than me,’ I say, Mrs Choi laughing as Jimin shakes her hand, bowing his head politely.
‘Oh, don’t be silly, y/n, Coco adores you. He cries whenever you leave him with me,’ she says, and I raise an eyebrow. ‘And then cries when I come to pick him up,’ I point out, and she waves a hand dismissively. ‘It’s because I feed him so much,’ Mrs Choi says, and I laugh, Coco appearing in the doorway behind her. He comes bounding up to me, my heart filling as he rests his front paws on my leg, and I bend down to pick him up. ‘Hi, baby. You okay?’ I say, showering him in kisses, and ducking away when he tries to lick my face. I hate when he licks my makeup off.
‘That is the cutest dog ever,’ Jimin says, and I hold Coco out to him. He instantly takes him into his arms, and giggles when he licks the tip of his nose. Coco leaps out of his arms, and he panics, trying to catch him, but he does it all the time, bounding around the front garden. ‘Here,’ Mrs Choi says, handing Jimin the little tennis ball she keeps beside the door for when she plays with Coco. He instantly throws it and Coco bounds after it, running straight back to him with it in his mouth.
‘He’s handsome,’ Mrs Choi observes quietly so Jimin can’t hear, and I roll my eyes. ‘And doesn’t he know it?’ ‘Are you… and him…?’ ‘Oh, God, no. I… there’s a list of things I wanted to do this summer, and he’s helping me get through it all before I...’ I trail off, and she nods, blinking furiously, obviously trying not to cry. ‘That’s lovely of him. Make sure you take lots of pictures to show me,’ she says, and I grin. ‘We’ve already started a photo album. Actually. Hold on,’ I say, getting the camera out of my bag as Jimin bends down to pet Coco who jumps on him, the unexpectedness making him fall onto his back. I get a really cute picture of him lying down, laughing, with Coco on his chest, trying to lick his face.
‘Lovely. Well, I’ll let you get to it. But make sure you come to see me again before… well, when you get back from ticking off your list,’ she says, pulling me into a hug, and I screw my eyes shut, trying my hardest not to cry in front of her. She’s been like a mother figure to me since I moved out of my parents’ house, always coming over to check if I’m okay, bringing me food and inviting me around at least once a week, looking after Coco whenever I need her to. I’m heartbroken that I’m going to be leaving a hole in her life when I go.
‘I will. See you later, Mrs Choi,’ I say, pulling away from her, and we exchange a sad smile. ‘See you, y/n. Be careful, dear, and have fun,’ she says sadly, pressing a kiss to my cheek, giving me one last long look before she disappears into her house. I don’t blame her; I’d be struggling to deal if I were in her position.
‘Okay. Let’s go,’ I call to Jimin who’s sat cross legged on the floor, Coco running towards him with the ball and dropping it beside him. Jimin’s standing when I reach them and he hands me the ball, Coco’s eyes never leaving it. ‘Do you want Coco to sit on my lap or do you mind him sitting in the back?’ I ask, as we walk towards his car, and he shrugs. ‘He can sit in the back, I don’t mind,’ he says, and I pull open the back door, putting the ball in there, and Coco leaps in without hesitation. I shut the door behind him before climbing into the passenger seat, Jimin already sat in the driver’s seat.
‘You ready?’ he says excitedly as he starts the engine, putting on the radio which is currently playing Justin Bieber. ‘Yep. Let’s do this,’ I say, sneaking one last look at Mrs Choi’s house. And then it hits me. This might be the last time I look at her house. I might die before I get to see her again.
My body goes cold all over, tears prickling in my eyes as my throat constricts painfully. It just repeats in my head again and again; ‘I’m going to die. I’m going to die. I’m going to die. I’m going to die.’
Coco realises I’m upset before Jimin does, and he begins to whine from the backseat. ‘Is Coco okay?’ I hear Jimin’s voice distantly, and when I don’t reply, I hear him coo, ‘Coco? What’s the matter, boy?’ And then he looks over at me.
‘Oh,’ he breathes out, instantly pulling over. ‘y/n,’ he says gently, reaching out to take one of my hands, and the second his skin touches mine, I burst into tears. He shuffles as close as he can, the gearstick separating us, and he leans across the gap, pulling me into his arms. I sob into his shoulder, letting him hold me as the tears come in an endless flood, whispering the words ‘I’m going to die’ every few seconds.
Once I’ve calmed down (and feel ridiculously uncomfortable in the position we’re in), I gently push away from him, and he releases me, still holding one of my hands in his. ‘Sorry,’ I whisper, and he frowns. ‘Don’t apologise. You’re allowed to be upset. Like, you’re going to die, for God’s sake; you can cry about that. Cry as much as you want, you’re entitled to do so. Just… tell me when you’re upset so I don’t say something stupid,’ he says ruefully, a small laugh falling from my lips, and he grins.
‘It’s just… it’s not fair. There’s still so much I wanted to do with my life. I’ll never work in my dream job. There are so many beautiful places I’ll never get to see. Tokyo, Mexico, Portugal, Bali, Dubai, India, Australia, Brazil, Hawaii, The Caribbean, The Maldives, Greece, Morocco. So many things that everyone does that I’ll never get a chance to do. Fall in love, get married, have a family. I’ve never even been in a relationship,’ I say with a harsh laugh, and Jimin sighs.
‘You’re right, y/n. It’s not fair, it’s not fair at all. You deserve so much more, so much better. You’ve been robbed of the rest of your life. You’re allowed to be angry. I’m angry,’ he says so simply, and it feels as though his words just… make it all okay. It’s hard to explain, but they feel like a consolation. They make me feel like the way I’m feeling isn’t me just being irrational, or a spoiled brat, because I know that it could be worse. They make me feel like I’m justified in my thoughts and feelings. And that’s what I need right now.
‘Thank you,’ I say, sniffling a little, and he smiles at me. ‘You’re most welcome, y/n. Now. Are you ready to go to Tae and Joon’s or would you like to cry for a little longer?’ he says teasingly, and I laugh, shoving him gently. ‘Drive, you moron,’ I say, and he gasps as he starts up the car, a small grin playing at his lips as he says, ‘Moron? I’m about to give you the summer of a lifetime in four days. Do you think a moron could do that? No, of course they couldn’t.’
‘y/n! Oh, my God, girl, it’s so good to see you!’ Taehyung exclaims the second I open the car door, running over from the front door and throwing his arms around me. I was always a little closer to Taehyung than I was to Jimin, because we had quite a few classes together. I hug him back, my face practically smushed against his chest as he holds me in a bone-crushingly tight embrace.
‘Hey, Taehyung. How have you been?’ I ask as he releases me, his hands still on my shoulders. He holds me at arm’s length, looking me up and down, before an appreciative grin spreads across his face. I hold back from pointing out that he still has the same adorable boxy smile from high school. And then I register his bright blue hair, stifling a laugh at how eccentric he still is. ‘I’m good. You got hot, y/n!’ he exclaims, and I feel blood rushing to my face from embarrassment.
‘Thank you. But look at you! You’re so handsome, Tae,’ I grin, and he grins back with a little wink. Everything about him is just as appealing as back then. Tae was definitely a ladies’ man… and a men’s man too. He was loud and bubbly, his personality easily grabbing the attention of everyone in any room, and his laugh was crazy infectious. He was the perfect mix of cute and hot, and he’s only gotten hotter, with his manly features and strong build.
‘Thank you, babe. Come in, come in. Jimin, do you need a hand with the bags? No? Good,’ he says, not even waiting for an answer from Jimin before he drags me up towards the house, the other boy muttering behind us as I hear him pop the boot open.
The second I step over the threshold, a ball of fluff appears and begins yapping at me from behind Tae, and he bends down to pick it up. ‘y/n, this is my beloved son, Kim Yeontan, or Tannie for short,’ Taehyung says, introducing me to his little Pomeranian, who has now quietened down and is staring at me with a curious look in his eyes. ‘Hi, Tannie,’ I coo at the dog, reaching a hand out to stroke his head, and he lets me with a contented little growl low in his throat.
‘Ah, he likes you! He rarely likes strangers. Little coward,’ Taehyung says affectionately as I slip off my shoes, Jimin appearing in the doorway with my bag (a suitcase, actually – yes, I might be dying soon, but I wanna make sure I look good when I do, so I had to bring plenty of clothes) in one hand, and Coco in the other. And then the barking match starts.
Coco and Yeontan incessantly yowl and woof at each other, both of them scrabbling to get out of Jimin and Tae’s arms. And then Taehyung puts Tan down, and Tan instantly shuts up, hiding behind his dad’s legs. Jimin does the same, putting Coco down, and he tries to get Jimin to pick him up again. ‘They’re both cowards,’ I mutter with a smile as Taehyung leads us down the front hallway, Yeontan trotting along beside him as I follow behind, Coco hanging back with Jimin as he takes his shoes off and shuts the front door.
We enter the kitchen, and if it wasn’t clear from the outside of the house, it’s made clear now; this house is beautiful, and expensive. It’s roomy and spacious, modern and clean, with classy and tasteful furnishings. ‘I love your house, Tae. It’s so nice, and I love the way you’ve decorated,’ I say, and he beams at me, eyes nearly disappearing behind their lids. ‘Thank you, y/n. It was all me – Joon has no sense of decoration,’ he says, sounding genuinely touched, and Jimin raises an eyebrow at me as he walks in. ‘Look at you sucking up,’ he mutters with a grin, and Tae and I both shoot him dirty looks.
‘You want something to drink, y/n? Before we get started on the chalk?’ he asks, and I shake my head. ‘I’m okay, thank you,’ I reply, but he’s already distracted with the list that Jimin’s put in front of him on the marble island counter. ‘Ooh, so this is the list? Let’s have a look,’ he says before reading it intently. Once he’s done, his eyes flit up to me, before flitting back down to the page.
‘Don’t take offence to this, okay?’ he says, and I already brace myself for a mocking remark. ‘Some of this stuff is, like, basic teenager stuff. How have you not done all of this already?’ he asks softly, and I feel a little embarrassed. ‘I don’t know, I just… after high school, I drifted from the girls – I still talk to them every now and then, but it isn’t the same – and I didn’t really… make any new friends to do these kind of things with. I have my work friends, but the most I’ve ever done with them is a night out. And in high school, I guess I was… too cautious and too scared to join in on these kind of things. We went on a group trip to the beach – I was the only one that didn’t skinny dip. The end of school prank was dyeing our hair in the school toilets – I was the one of the only ones that didn’t dye mine. Everyone planned a camping trip together – I didn’t go. I was, and still am, a little… uptight, I guess? I wanted to change that this summer, but…’ I trail off, and Tae surprises me by nodding sadly.
‘Jimin told me on the phone while you were talking to your neighbour,’ he says, and I shoot Jimin a look. ‘I thought it’d be better if you didn’t have to keep telling people!’ he exclaims defensively, and I nod with a roll of my eyes, thinking his reasoning is fair enough. ‘I’m really sorry, y/n. There’s not much someone can say in these kind of situations, but I just want you to know that I’m so sorry, and that it’s so unfair,’ he says gently, and I smile sadly. ‘Thank you. I appreciate that.’
‘Now, anyway. Shall we get on with this list? I know Jimin said that we can start with chalk and ice cream, but…’ Tae says, voice a lot more cheerful as he sidles over to me, twisting a lock of my hair around his finger, ‘I think we should dye your hair first.’ ‘Dye it?’ I say, lifting a hand to pat my hair protectively, having not yet worked up the courage. ‘Yep. I have trillions of box dyes upstairs – you can choose any colour you like,’ he says, and I look over at Jimin who grins, nodding encouragingly.
A few minutes later, I’m sat on a stool in Tae’s lavish bathroom, a towel resting over my shoulders as I inspect the boxes laid out on the counter in front of me, Taehyung and Jimin stood behind me as Coco and Tan play in Tae’s bedroom (they seem to be the best of friends now). ‘I’m thinking I shouldn’t go too wild considering it’ll be my funeral in a little while and my parents will probably want an open casket,’ I say musingly, Taehyung choking on air as Jimin holds back a smile.
‘Good idea. Maybe… highlights or ombre rather than the whole head?’ Jimin suggests, and I nod, feeling a little more at ease at not having to take the full plunge. ‘Okay… what colour then?’ Taehyung asks, and I look at all the colours. ‘Um… I don’t know. It’s really difficult,’ I say a little timidly, both boys nodding reassuringly, trying to give me a little more confident. ‘You’re right, it is difficult. How about… two platinum blonde streaks at the front of your hair?’ Taehyung asks, and I nearly choke.
‘Blonde streaks… like an e-girl?’ I ask, and Tae laughs, nodding. ‘It’s on trend, and I think you’ll be able to pull it off really well,’ Tae says thoughtfully, and whilst I’m still not convinced, Jimin nods excitedly. ‘Yes, that’d look amazing! Go on, y/n, you should!’ Jimin urges, eyes locked with mine in the mirror, and I sigh before nodding with a small smile. ‘Why not? Go for it,’ I say, the two of them exchanging a grin.
Before I know it, the front sections of my hair have been bleached and foiled, and a timer has been set for 20 minutes. And Jimin is contemplating dyeing his own hair. ‘I mean, I’ve had black for so long, and I need a change, right? I’ve been wanting to go bright for a while. But do I go a natural bright, or a colourful bright?’ he muses, Tae fake yawning at him in the mirror, coaxing a giggle from me, but Jimin doesn’t notice, too busy inspecting the dye boxes.
‘If it helps, I liked it when you went blond at school. You look nice blond,’ I say, and he looks at me in the mirror with a thoughtful look in his eyes. ‘Bright blond, or platinum blond, or dirty blond?’ he asks, and I think for a moment before answering, ‘bright blond.’ ‘Okay, let’s go bright blond then,’ he says instantly, disappearing off to get a towel from Tae’s airing cupboard.
‘That was… interesting,’ Tae says with a smirk at me in the mirror, and I look back at him confusedly. ‘How so?’ ‘He never takes anyone’s advice when it comes to his hair dye. And he never decides that quick,’ he says, his smirk even wider, but Jimin reappears before I can reply. I try to shake off Tae’s words as Jimin looks for the right box dye.
‘Maybe I should dye my hair too,’ Tae says, looking at his blue locks in the mirror. ‘I like you with brown hair, Tae. I’d like it if you had brown hair at my funeral,’ I say, and his eyes widen slightly at the mention of it again. ‘Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. We should all have natural colours for the funeral, out of respect,’ Jimin says, and I frown. ‘No, I don’t mind if you guys had the craziest colours ever. I just think you look so… classically handsome with brown hair, Tae,’ I say, and he looks smug at my compliment. ‘Okay,’ he grins, reaching for a box dye, Jimin and I exchanging a look in the mirror as he says, ‘guess I’m going brown then.’
‘When did you go brown, Tae? And you blond, Jimin?’ a voice suddenly says, making all three of us jump. There’s a man stood on Taehyung’s front garden, and I remember him as Jung Hoseok from school. He was cute back then, but he’s handsome now with his golden skin and his silky brown hair. ‘About… 90 minutes ago,’ Taehyung says, currently drawing what looks like a heart but could also be an alien, and Hoseok nods as though it’s perfectly normal.
‘Hey, y/n. Your hair looks nice,’ Hoseok says, shooting a heart-shaped smile at me, and I smile back. I’m still not used to my hair being blonde when it falls into my face, but it does look nice – Tae and Jimin did a good job. ‘Hey, Hoseok. Thank you. Tae and Jimin did it.’ ‘Please, call me Hobi. Anyway, how are you?’ he says before wincing, obviously already aware of my situation. Jimin really can’t keep his mouth shut. ‘I’m okay. How are you?’ I ask, and he nods, replying, ‘I’m good. Excited to work on this list.’ ‘Well, get some chalk and get your ass down here to help us,’ Jimin says from where he’s sprawled out on the gravel, drawing a dog (or attempting to, anyway).
We’ve been working on the chalk for just over an hour, listening to music from Taehyung’s speaker that’s sat in the doorway (Coco and Tan have already knocked it over several times whilst they’ve been playing). Bright chalk covers nearly all of Taehyung and Namjoon’s driveway – except for where Tae and Jimin’s cars are – rainbows, flowers, hearts, clouds surrounding us (as well as a bunny, a pineapple, a unicorn, a slice of watermelon and Jimin’s dog).
‘It looks like you’re nearly done,’ Hoseok observes, and I nod, wiping my forehead clean of sweat. ‘Yeah, we are. This isn’t as fun as I thought it was going to be,’ I say frankly, the others all laughing. ‘The fun comes from taking pictures with the chalk,’ Taehyung says, and I get up instantly. ‘Okay, let’s just take pictures and then carry on with the list,’ I say, the three of them laughing again as Jimin and Taehyung get up from the floor.
Taehyung instantly goes into director mode, making me lie down in a gap in the chalk. Jimin stands over me, one foot on either side of my waist, taking pictures on both the camera and his phone whilst Taehyung directs him on how to take them and me on how to pose, Hobi using his phone torch to give us better lighting (it doesn’t make much of a difference, but he’s trying).
I start to feel a little embarrassed, wondering what we must look like to Tae’s neighbours, before I remember that life is short – mine especially – so I should make the most of it without worrying what people think of me. After a few minutes (and a few dozen pictures), I get into it a little more, and the boys all begin hyping me up, Jimin making a few flirty comments here and there.
And then Jimin joins me, Taehyung taking the camera and Hobi directing us (he’s even more… bossy than Taehyung, instructing us down to the simplest things – the positions of our fingers, the direction we look in, the angle of our heads. Everything.)
‘You guys are gonna make her regret asking for help,’ a voice comes from the driveway, all of us looking over to see Namjoon and Jungkook from school stood there, leaning against the Jimin’s car. ‘Watch the car!’ Jimin exclaims, both of them heading over. ‘Just for the record, I didn’t ask for help. Jimin forc- I mean, Jimin volunteered his help,’ I say, correcting myself when he shoots me a dirty look, the others laughing.
‘It’s good to see you guys again. Did you walk here?’ I ask, and Namjoon nods. ‘It’s good to see you too. Jungkook picked me up from work, and then we dropped his car off and walked here. We all live really close to each other. Jimin, Jungkook and Hobi live on the road up there, and Jin and Yoongi live on the road down that way,’ Namjoon points, and I nod, thinking how sweet it is that they all live so close together.
‘JK, the blue’s gonna have to go,’ Tae says to the baby of their group. He’s changed more than all of them; he still has his big eyes and his cute bunny teeth, but that’s where the similarities end. He’s so handsome, and his body is lean and tall. Not as tall as Namjoon, though; he always was tall, but he’s grown even more now, and he’s gorgeous, with his dimples and blond hair. It’s like only beautiful people are allowed in their friendship group.
‘What?’ Jungkook asks, confused, his eyes wide. ‘You need to dye your hair brown again,’ Tae says, Jungkook frowning. ‘Why? I’ve only been blue for a couple days. Don’t you like it?’ ‘It looks great, but we’re all going natural out of respect, for y/n’s funeral,’ Jimin says casually, Jungkook choking and Namjoon slapping his back with wide eyes. ‘Jimin. You can’t just drop it in like that,’ Hobi reprimands, but I wave it off. ‘It’s fine, I’d prefer if we just spoke about it normally. Anyway, you don’t have to go brown, Jungkook, it’s okay,’ I say, Jungkook nodding, still looking a little shell-shocked.
‘Can we get up now?’ I say to Hobi from where I’m lying on the floor, shoulder-to-shoulder with Jimin, and he shakes his head. ‘If you want to make a scrapbook, you can’t just have pictures of you and Jimin in it. You need to get pictures with all of us,’ he says simply, and I bite my tongue, knowing I’ll just have to suck it up. Twenty minutes later, I’ve taken several pictures with all of the boys, and it was a little fun, I guess. We’ll have run out of film by the end of the day at this rate.
But my head’s starting to hurt a little, and I know I can’t take anymore. ‘Can we stop now? I’ve got a bit of a headache,’ I say, sitting up, and they all look a little worried. ‘Is it from being under the sun for so long?’ Hobi asks, nervously, but Tae speaks before I can reply; ‘no, it’s probably the hair dye.’ Jimin looks at them both incredulously. ‘I think it’s the tumour in her brain,’ he says slowly, and I can’t help but share his exasperation at their stupid suggestions, the boys all falling into a shocked silence as Jimin looks to me with thinly-veiled amusement.
‘Yeah, I think you’re right, Jimin, it probably is,’ I say, holding back a laugh. ‘Do you want some painkillers?’ Tae asks weakly, and I smile, shaking my head. ‘I’m okay, thanks. I might just have a little lie-down, if that’s okay?’ I ask, Tae nodding straight away. ‘I’ll show you to one of the guest rooms and you can have a shower, or a nap, if you want?’ Tae suggests as Hobi and Jimin help me up, my head dizzy and light, and I nod. ‘That sounds perfect.’
I blink in the slices of soft sunlight that fall between the blinds onto the bed, sitting up carefully. My head feels a lot better after that nap, which was the best nap of my life, by the way. Tae and Joon must be seriously rich, because this bed is the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept in. And the room is super lavish, monochrome and clean, with a deep carpet and expensive looking furnishings. The bathroom was nice too, and I dragged out my shower a lot longer than usual, my skin smelling fresh with Tae and Namjoon’s expensive passionfruit body wash.
I slowly climb out of the bed, looking at myself in the floor to ceiling mirror on the wall opposite me. I still can’t get used to the hair, but it does look good. Tae has good taste, and he and Jimin put the dye in really well – the front sections of my hair are the perfect vibrant blonde. Tae put all these different haircare products in it after he washed out the dye, and it feels healthier than ever before. It’s obvious he’s dyed his hair plenty, because he’s clearly an expert. He could be a hairdresser if he wanted to.
I open my suitcase and get out a bralet to put on (my pyjamas are satin, and I’d rather not have my nipples visible through them in a room full of childhood friends I haven’t seen for years) and put it on beneath my black button-up pyjama shirt. I quickly splash some water over my face to wake myself up a little before I head downstairs, following the loud voices that lead me into the kitchen. Namjoon’s stood at the counter, making coffee, Jungkook, Jimin, Tae and Hobi sat around the breakfast bar with two new arrivals; Yoongi, and Seokjin. Seokjin literally hasn’t aged a day, and he’s somehow even more handsome than he was back then, with his plump lips and swept back dark hair.
‘Sleeping beauty awakes!’ Jimin exclaims when he sees me walk in, and I smile softly, still a little sleepy. His blond hair really does look good, the perfect summer colour, and Tae’s looks really good too – the dark brown locks make him look like a model. ‘y/n! They were right, you really are gorgeous!’ Jin exclaims, jumping up and pulling me into a hug, and I try to supress the embarrassment I’m feeling at them talking about me, and telling Jin I’m gorgeous. One thing I remember about Jin was that he never used to feel embarrassed, at anything. Sometimes he’d get a little shy, and his ears would go red, but he’d never hesitate to do something, even if it was embarrassing, if it would help to ease any awkwardness and make people feel comfortable.
His hugging me, despite us barely speaking when we went to school together and not having seen each other for years, is just what I need, and a perfect example of how kind Jin is.
‘Thanks, Jin, but look at you! You’re really handsome,’ I say honestly, feeling at ease after his hug, and he grins at me. ‘You didn’t call me handsome, y/n, but you called Tae and Jin handsome,’ Jimin pouts, and I roll my eyes at him. ‘She knows Tae and I are the best-looking, that’s why,’ Jin says, and Jimin scowls at him before looking back at me, still waiting for an answer. ‘Just because I didn’t say it out loud, doesn’t mean I didn’t think it,’ I say matter-of-factly, and he grins proudly. ‘What about the rest of us?’ Hobi asks, all of them flashing smiles at me, and I blink a few times. ‘You’re all handsome. Now stop smiling at me before I faint,’ I say, all of them laughing.
‘Coffee, y/n?’ Namjoon asks, but I shake my head. ‘I’m trying to cut down on my caffeine intake. Thanks, though,’ I say, and Jimin frowns. ‘y/n, it’s not like it matters,’ Jimin says, everyone wincing, and I laugh, nodding in agreement. ‘You’re right. I will have some, please, Namjoon,’ I say, everyone laughing again as Namjoon nods with a smile, getting another mug out for me. ‘Sit down, y/n,’ Tae says, patting the empty seat between him and Jungkook, and I sit in it, feeling a little self-conscious. I’m in my pyjamas, with no makeup and slight bedhead, and they’re all just… so handsome.
‘What do you guys do? For you all to be at home at… 5.38 on a Wednesday?’ I say, reading the time on the clock. I have all of the boys on social media, so I vaguely know some of what goes on in their lives, but not much. It’s hard to keep track of everyone from school. ‘Um, I own my own photography business. We do photography for weddings, parties, photo shoots, etc. and we’ve had some pretty high-profile clients, so we’re quite successful. And I do some art on the side, and some of my paintings have sold well, hence the fancy house. I get to work from home most of the time, because I mainly do editing – I’ve hired photographers, but I do a couple weddings here and there,’ Tae says, and I’m impressed, though not surprised. Tae always did have a talent for art, and he was the photographer for the school newspaper, so this career is perfect for him.
‘I own my own dance studio, and we only open on Monday and Tuesday 6-9, Thursday 3-6, and then Saturdays and Sundays,’ Hoseok says and, again, I’m not surprised; Hoseok always loved his dancing and he put more effort into dance than into his school work, but I guess it paid off.
‘I work for Hobi and Tae. I teach classes every day that it’s open, and then I do some photography work every couple weeks. And I do some shifts here and there at a tattoo shop,’ Jungkook says, and I think it’s really cute that he works for his friends, though I wonder if it sparks any arguments between them. I look at Jimin when Jungkook mentions the tattoo shop, and Jimin grins with a little nod, my stomach turning. Obviously, he was referring to where Jungkook works when he said he knew the perfect place for me to get a tattoo.
‘I do all the finances and admin and paperwork for Tae and Hobi, and I work for a small record label, producing and rapping,’ Namjoon says as he puts my coffee down in front of me, and I thank him with a smile, quite surprised to hear Namjoon’s career choice. To be fair, Namjoon excelled in all of his subjects, so he’d be good at whatever he chose to do.
‘I’m a part-time chef at this restaurant in the city, and I’m also studying to become an actor,’ Jin says, and I’m impressed. I didn’t know Jin was interested in cooking or in acting, but now that I look at him, he really does look like an actor, and I could imagine him as a chef too, with one of those big white hats.
‘I’m a barista, as you know, I teach a couple piano lessons a week, and I do some rapping and producing at the same company as Namjoon,’ Yoongi explains, and I remember how good he was at piano. He was chosen to play at one of these awards’ evenings we had at school, and we were all so impressed at how good he was. Rapping, though? I never knew he could rap.
Everyone looks at Jimin to answer, but he looks back blankly before saying, ‘I already told her my job.’ They all nod before looking back at me. ‘What do you do, y/n?’ Jin asks, and I roll my eyes. ‘I work part-time as an assistant at a law firm, and I’m studying to become a lawyer. Or I was anyway,’ I trail off, a little sad that I’ll never be able to do my dream job, and the boys all give me pitying looks. Except for Jimin, who says, ‘damn, y/n, you’re clever. Law student, huh?’ I nod with a smile, and he grins. ‘You could’ve got in on the family businesses, and done all the boring legal shit for us,’ Jimin says, and I grimace, internally endeared at him calling them the family businesses. ‘I’d have passed. Sorry,’ I say, the boys all laughing.
‘Okay, enough chit chat. Let’s carry on with your list,’ Jin says, picking it up from where it sits in the middle of the island, and I take a sip of my coffee. ‘Should I wash the chalk from your driveway?’ I ask Tae and Joon, and they both shake their heads. ‘I was about to, but Jin stopped me. He wants some pictures with you and the chalk,’ Tae says, and I let out a sigh, all them laughing. ‘We’ve literally spent all of our time on the chalk so far. Your four days are gonna fly by,’ I say to Jimin, who waves it off with an easy grin.
‘Stop trying to worry me. Four days is plenty. You go take some pictures with Jin, and Yoongi, while I set up the next thing for us to tick off,’ Jimin says, getting up and pulling me off my seat, pushing me towards the door. ‘Make sure you get plenty of good pictures,’ Jimin says to Tae with a mischievous glance at me, who nods, and I roll my eyes. ‘We’re gonna run out of film,’ I say, but Jimin shakes his head with a grin. ‘I went out whilst you were asleep and got some more supplies, including a few more boxes of film,’ he grins, and I let out a deep sigh as Tae and Jin drag me outside, Yoongi trailing behind, and Jimin waving at us from the doorway.
‘Done with your photoshoot?’ Jimin asks as we walk into the living room. ‘Yes, thank God,’ I say, throwing myself down onto the sofa. ‘Jin, you’re way too demanding. We were out there for forty-five minutes,’ Yoongi says, flopping down next to me, and Jin scowls at us from the doorway. ‘Tae wasn’t getting my angles!’ he exclaims, and Tae’s eyes widen. ‘You’re not blaming this on me. I own a photography business, so don’t accuse me of being a bad photographer,’ Tae says, Jin opening his mouth to speak, but Jimin interrupts; ‘don’t argue. y/n’s dying.’
They go silent, and I burst out laughing as Jimin grins at me. ‘You can’t drop that into every conversation, Jimin,’ I laugh, the others relaxing a little, and Jimin shrugs. ‘I can. Just watch. Anyway, before you get comfy, we need to go into the dining room,’ he says vaguely with a knowing grin, and I narrow my eyes at him. ‘I don’t want to, because of that look on your face,’ I say suspiciously, and he laughs. ‘Come on, y/n, we gotta tick the next thing off your list,’ Jimin says amusedly, holding a hand out to me, and I take it after a moment of hesitation, letting him pull me up. He doesn’t let go of my hand, dragging me behind him into the dining room, and it takes a little while for me to register what’s going on.
The table is set up with these different machines, and Jungkook sits at the table with an empty seat beside him, a lamp set up to cast a bright light onto the empty chair. And then I spot the little book on the table, sat beside a bunch of needles lined up on a small white sheet.
Jungkook’s about to give me a tattoo.
‘Oh, hell no,’ I say, turning around, but Jimin grabs me around the waist before I can walk away, picking me up and carrying me over to the door as I struggle around in his arms, the other boys watching amusedly. But Jimin’s freakishly strong, and my struggling doesn’t work. He puts me down in the empty chair, and I pout at him before looking around at the others. Tae, Jin and Yoongi are stood in one doorway, blocking it, and Namjoon and Hobi stand in the other, blocking that too. I literally cannot leave, and when I look down at the needles, my stomach turns.
‘Do you want to look through the book?’ Jungkook asks gently, and I sigh. ‘Not really,’ I say, all of them laughing as he hands me the book, and I flip through it. ‘Can you all stop looking at me? Or at least put on some music so I don’t feel so tense,’ I say, more laughter rippling around the room as Taehyung gets his phone out of his pocket and taps the screen a couple times, gentle RnB music floating out into the room from the ceiling. They must have a built-in sound system – their house really is boujee.
I scan the book and some of the designs are cute, but none of them really stand out to me. ‘Struggling to choose one?’ Jungkook asks quietly, the others having conversations between themselves, and I nod. He rolls up his sleeve, and shows me the various tattoos that cover his arm and hand. He has a flower, a skeleton hand, the word ‘Truth’, the woozy emoji, a purple heart, a little crown and some black stripes with various numbers and letters on his hand. ‘They all stand for different things. Like, for example, this is the tiger flower, which is my birth flower, and the letters all stand for the guys. So you could get some that are meaningful to you, or you could just get something that you think looks pretty. It’s up to you,’ he says, and I nod, thinking.
I decide on getting my birth flower, a little bolt of lightning and my parents’ initials. ‘Why don’t you get something summer related?’ Jimin suggests softly, and I think before nodding. ‘Like… the sun, or something?’ I ask, and he shrugs. ‘Whatever you want. You could get a picture or a quote, anything you want. It’s up to you, y/n. It’s your body,’ he says, and I nod, thinking about the first idea I had for a tattoo when I wrote that list. ‘How about ‘we’ll always have summer’… or is that silly?’ I ask, and Jungkook shakes his head straight away.
‘Of course it isn’t silly,’ he says, but Jimin looks at me thoughtfully. ‘Who’s we?’ he asks, and I sigh. ‘I don’t know. A general ‘we’, I guess? Like… as bleak as life gets, as boring, as sad, as hard as life is, there’s always the hope, the promise, the excitement of summer. So no matter what happens, we’ll always have summer,’ I explain, Jungkook’s eyes widening, and Jimin nodding at me with a small smile. ‘Wow, that’s so deep, y/n. You’re so clever,’ Jungkook says, and I laugh, waving it off.
‘Have you decided yet?’ Hobi asks, and I nod, feeling a little nervous. ‘I’m getting my birth flower, a bolt of lightning, my parents’ initials, and ‘we’ll always have summer’. What do you think?’ I ask, and Hobi smiles, looking impressed. ‘You’re getting four?’ he asks, and I laugh. ‘Might as well.’ ‘Where do you want them?’ Jungkook asks, and I hesitate. ‘Where does it hurt least?’ ‘Your ass,’ Jimin says with a grin, and I swat at him whilst the others all laugh. ‘The least painful is usually your back, the outside of your arms, the inside of your forearm and the outsides of your thighs. Hands aren’t too bad, and nor are shoulders,’ Jungkook explains.
After a lot of deliberation, we make the decision as a group of where I should have them; birth flower on my inner forearm, my parents’ initials on my right ring finger, the lightning bolt on the side of my ribcage/side-boob, and the quote on the back of my left shoulder. ‘How long will it take, Jungkook?’ I ask as Jungkook sets up all his equipment, the others arguing about what we should have for dinner. ‘Please, call me JK, or Kook, or whatever. And, it shouldn’t take longer than a few hours, because they’re all quite small. The quote will take the longest, and I can usually do quotes in an hour and a half, so I’d say… three hours, maybe three and a half?’ he says, and I feel dread at the thought of being in pain for that long. But it’s fine. I’ll be fine.
‘Are you still not done?’ Taehyung demands as he enters the room, Jungkook’s eyes still fixed on my finger as he sighs. ‘Relax, I’m doing the last one now. I’ll be done in a few minutes,’ he says, and Tae huffs. ‘You’re taking ages. We want to do the next thing on her list.’ ‘Don’t rush me, Tae. Tattooing is an art,’ Jungkook says calmly, Tae rolling his eyes from behind Jungkook’s back, and I hold back a laugh.
It actually wasn’t that painful, surprisingly. The worst thing was having to stay still for so long. He started with my birth flower, and it was fascinating to watch the ink appear on my skin, at first. The fascination soon wore off, and I was itching to move, but I knew I’d just ruin it if I did.
Then he moved onto the quote. I had to tie my hair up into a bun and sit backwards on a chair whilst he did it, and Jimin fed me some of the Chinese food they’d ordered, keeping me entertained with his stupid antics. Jin tried to feed Jungkook, but when he choked Jungkook with a chopstick, Jungkook decided he’d just eat afterwards.
And then he did my lightning bolt. I had to take off my top and unclasp my bra, holding it in place with my arm out of the way so Jungkook could get to my side-boob easily, and I told the boys that none of them could come in whilst he was doing that one, because the bra kept slipping. Jungkook was very professional though, and I can’t even imagine how many boobs he’s seen over his time working as a tattoo artist.
And now he’s doing my fingers. I’m used to the stinging pain now, and I’m very proud of myself for not crying. Tae shows me some funny videos on his phone whilst Jungkook carries on with the tattoo. ‘And… done!’ he exclaims, sitting back in his chair with a sigh. I look at my hand, pleased with how the tattoo looks. ‘Thank you, JK, it’s great.’ ‘No problem. Right… let me give you the aftercare speech,’ he says as he begins to put the weird jelly stuff and a bandage onto my finger. It’s weird how professional he is – I saw him passed out drunk at house parties more times than I can remember, and now he’s giving me tattoos and telling me how to look after them properly.
‘Don’t remove these bandages for 24 hours, and when you do, wash the tattoos, gently, with an unscented soap and water, and pat it dry afterwards. Put on some of this ointment twice a day, if you can, but you don’t need to put on another bandage. Wash them a few times a day, gently, with unscented soap and water, and always pat them dry, and then put on an unscented sensitive skin moisturiser. Obviously, you’re going to tick those things off your bucket list, and I’m sure a couple involve being in the water and sun. We usually advise against being in the water and sun, but obviously, you’re not going to do that, so just don’t be in the sun for too long, and put plasters over them when you go in the water, to try and stop them being infected. It’s not really that big of a deal if they do get infected because…’ ‘I’m dying anyway.’ ‘Yeah, that. So don’t worry about it too much, but just try your best to be careful with them. Oh, and don’t go into hot water, if you can help it. Have cool showers, and not for too long, either. I think that’s it, but if you have any questions, just get my number from Jimin and text or call me. Do you have any questions now?’
‘Only one; would you rather I transferred you the money, or do you want cash?’ ‘y/n, don’t be ridiculous. I’m not charging you,’ he says as though it’s obvious, and I frown. ‘Jungkook.’ ‘No, y/n, I’m not taking money from you.’ ‘Why not? I haven’t got anything else to spend it on, remember? And it’s taken you ages!’ ‘It doesn’t matter. I’m not accepting any money from you, and that’s it. I do free tattoos for the boys all the time – Jimin’s got several from me. Just see it as a gift from an old friend,’ he says simply, with a grin, and I can’t help the small smile on my face. ‘Thank you, JK,’ I say, and he grins even wider, his cute little bunny teeth on display. ‘No problem, y/n.’
‘Are you done now? Can we move on to the next thing?’ Tae says excitedly, Jungkook nodding with a laugh at his eagerness. ‘Come on, then,’ Tae says, grabbing my hand and pulling me up, dragging me out of the dining room. He leads me towards the back door, pushing it open and moving aside to let me out first, and I gasp when I see the garden. ‘I know it’s not that big but it’s the best I could do,’ Jimin says as I slip on the sliders that he puts down on the floor in front of me, stepping out onto the light wood decking.
Tae and Namjoon’s garden is beautiful – it’s obvious at least one of the two loves gardening. The decking has steps down onto the grass which is healthy and neat, a dark, rich green, and there are trees and flowers of all different colours lining the light wood fence that runs around the garden. Fairy lights are strung up around the fence, casting a warm yellow glow across the space and there’s a fire pit in the middle of the garden, a small fire inside it with a garden furniture set placed around it, four armchairs and two two-seaters.
‘Oh, my God, this is great! Did you already have a fire pit?’ I ask Tae who shakes his head. ‘Jimin went out to buy one earlier,’ he says, and I look to Jimin with a frown. ‘You shouldn’t have. Let me give you the money for it,’ I say, and he shakes his head before I even finish speaking. ‘I don’t think so. Come on,’ he says, holding out an arm to me, and I take it with a begrudging smile. He leads me down the decking steps, across the grass to the bonfire and he sits down in an armchair as I sit in the two-seater beside it, Tae and JK following behind, the leftovers of the Chinese food in Jungkook’s hands.
‘Where are the others?’ I ask, and Jimin looks a little sheepish. ‘I, um, went to get supplies when you were sleeping, right? Well, I bought the fire pit, but I forgot all the other stuff,’ he explains, rubbing the back of his neck embarrassedly, and I hold back a laugh. ‘What other stuff?’ I ask, just as Jin and Hobi appear through the back door. ‘The biscuits, the chocolate, the marshmallows, the roasting sticks. Everything else,’ Jin says exasperatedly, the two of them coming to join us.
‘Where are the other two?’ Tae asks as they take their seats, Jin taking a prawn cracker from Jungkook’s lap, the boy shooting him a dirty look. ‘Putting the stuff onto plates for us, because a couple of us are too messy and, apparently, we’ll drop melted marshmallows and chocolate onto the grass and ruin it,’ Hobi says with a roll of his eyes, and I have a feeling he’s quoting Namjoon. ‘Am I wrong, though? There’s still the patch of grass that’s discoloured after Jimin spilled beer on it!’ Namjoon exclaims, holding blankets in his arms, Yoongi following behind with a tray in his hands, paper plates atop the tray. ‘How many times do I have to apologise for ruining your grass before you forget?’ Jimin asks tiredly as Namjoon and Yoongi take their seats, and Namjoon gives him a hard look. ‘As many times as it takes for the grass to return to its proper colour,’ Namjoon says, and I can feel an argument brewing so I quickly change the subject.
‘Shall we get a picture?’ I ask, not realising that another argument is about to start, over who’s going to take the picture. ‘Oh, my God, we’ve been arguing for five minutes! Just let me take the picture!’ Yoongi exclaims (after five minutes of arguing), his annoyance only half-hearted, and I pout. ‘No, Yoongi, I want you in the picture. I want us all in the picture,’ I say, Jin sighing and grabbing his temples before sending Namjoon to ask their nice neighbour, Mr Lee. I feel bad for disturbing him at 9.09pm on a Wednesday, but they insist. It’s more than a little awkward when he starts asking questions and Jimin says with a grin, ‘we’re ticking off y/n’s summer bucket list because she’s got a brain tumour and she’s going to die in a week.’ It’s like he can’t take the pictures quick enough after that, practically sprinting out of the garden once he’s done.
Yoongi gives us all our plates, Jungkook balancing his on one knee whilst he eats his Chinese food, and I feel pretty stupid when all of them instantly know how to put their s’mores together. ‘Have you never had s’mores before?’ Jimin asks, and I shake my head sheepishly. ‘Here, let me show you. You gotta just put a marshmallow on a stick,’ he says, and I copy the way he spears it on the stick. ‘Then you hold it over the fire for a little while, until it goes a bit brown, and then turn it over the other way,’ he says, holding his stick over the fire, and I do the same, turning it the other way once it’s browned a little. ‘And then you get a piece of chocolate and put it on top of a biscuit. And then you put the marshmallow on top of that. And then you put a piece of chocolate on top of the marshmallow, and another biscuit on top of the chocolate. Then you take it off the stick and… you got your s’more!’ he says, holding his s’more up with a flourish. It looks a lot neater than mine, but I’m still proud of myself for managing to not set fire to anything. ‘Just wait a little for it to cool down. Kook learned that the hard way,’ Jimin says pointedly, the other boy pursing his lips embarrassedly as we all laugh.
The sky is still high and light with clouds, though the sun has disappeared over the horizon, the moon a pale white circle against the soft blue. The air is still warm, but not with the humidity of earlier today, a cool tinge to the breeze that glides across my skin. It’s the perfect summer evening, made even better by the light conversations we have and the alcohol that Taehyung brings out for us – Jimin, Yoongi and Jin drink their soju like it’s going out of fashion, Jungkook, Namjoon and Hobi nursing beers instead whilst Tae and I sip on our Malibu and coke (very little Malibu actually in it). The s’mores are amazing, the warm gooey marshmallow, rich melty chocolate and crunchy sweet biscuits a perfect combination – whoever came up with s’mores is an actual genius.
‘Do you want some more s’mores, y/n?’ Hobi asks once my plate is empty, and I groan, the boys all laughing. ‘I think I’ll explode if I have another. I’ve eaten more today than I have in the last week,’ I say, clutching my stomach. ‘I’ll have one, Hobi,’ Jungkook says with a cheeky grin, and Hobi shoots him a glare, no real venom in it. ‘Get yourself one.’ ‘You offered to y/n!’ ‘You’re not dying in a week,’ Hobi says, eyes instantly flitting to me to see if I mind, but I’m already bursting into laughter, my head falling onto Jin’s shoulder which is shaking from his laughter too.
‘Are we terrible for joking about death?’ Jungkook says once we’ve all calmed down, and I sigh. A cold breeze rushes past us, biting at my skin, and I shiver, pulling my blanket closer around me and shuffling forward in my seat so I sit closer to the bonfire. It’s gotten so much cooler so quickly, all of us wrapped up in blankets. ‘What can we do but joke about it? I think I’d cry if we didn’t,’ I say into the silence, the boys all just listening as I stare into the flickering flames, deeply inhaling the smoky scent in the air.
‘It still doesn’t feel real. How do you prepare yourself for death?’ I ask, voice a little shaky, and Jin puts a hand on my shoulder gently. ‘I wish we could tell you, y/n, and make it easier for you, but it will never be easy to see someone of your age die. Old people, who have lived their lives, they can prepare for death. I don’t think you can. And I’m sorry for that, I really am. We all are,’ he says softly, his kind words bringing a sad smile to my face. ‘Thank you. Thank you all, for doing all this today, and Namjoon and Taehyung, for opening your home to me,’ I say, all of them reflecting my sad smile back at me.
‘We’d have done it even if you weren’t dying, y/n. Please, don’t think we’re only doing this because you’re dying. We’ve all known each other since we were kids. And look at all you did for us. We’d have done all of this for you regardless of your health if you asked us to,’ Namjoon says, and I look at him in confusion, wondering what he means. ‘What did I do for all of you?’ ‘We were talking about this whilst you were asleep. Remember when I was riding my bike past your house, and I fell off it?’ Namjoon asks, the others laughing at the mention, and all of a sudden, a memory I didn’t even know I had appears in my mind.
We must’ve been around 7; I don’t remember what I was doing, but I saw Namjoon on the floor outside of my house through the window, clutching onto his knee with his bike beside him. I ran and got the plasters from where they were in one of the kitchen cupboards, and practically sprinted outside. I sat down on the floor beside Namjoon, and there were tears in his eyes, and his knee was bloody. Not knowing that you’re supposed to clean a cut and disinfect it, I’d just put a plaster on for him, and then my parents saw what was going on, and took Namjoon inside to properly clean the cut, me following them in with his bike in my arms, and then they phoned his mum to let her know what had happened. Our school was a tight knit community and all the parents were friends with each other – they all had each other’s phone numbers.
‘How do you remember that?’ I ask, smiling at the memory, and he grins. ‘It’s the first act of kindness I remember experiencing. And it might have been simple, but it taught me to be kind, and do things for people when I didn’t have to, because that’s what you did for me,’ he says, and then all of the boys share the stories of things I did for them over the years we went to school together.
For Jin, I’d lost one of his crayons and then I’d brought in a whole new pack for him. When his mum mentioned it to my parents and thanked them for buying Jin a new pack, they’d had been confused; they hadn’t bought a new set of crayons. I’d taken in one of my own sets for him without telling them. Jin brought it into school every day and shared it with me and only me, and wrote both of our names on the packaging so that everyone would know that they belonged to the both of us.
For Yoongi, I’d recorded his piano performance at the awards’ evening because I’d overheard his mum saying she’d forgotten her video camera at home and didn’t have a smart phone to record it on. I’d sent it to him that night, letting him know why I’d recorded it, and he’d thanked me before showing his mum. I never knew this at the time, but apparently she was so happy that she cried, and made Yoongi give me a present to thank me. I didn’t know that Yoongi was the one who put the thank you card in my locker with a necklace in it a couple weeks later – he’d been too shy to give it to me face to face (I’d been so confused, wondering who was thanking me and for what). I still wear the necklace sometimes – it’s a silver chain with a little butterfly pendant that rests between my collarbones.
For Hobi, I’d spotted a random bag in the school car park, and checked the belongings to see that it was Hobi’s – his wallet had been in there, along with a load of money and some dance clothes. I’d brought it in the next day and gave it to him, and he’d thanked me profusely. What I didn’t know at the time was that his mum had worked multiple jobs in order to fund his dancing, including buying him all that dance gear, and that he’d thought that someone would’ve stolen it all because they were worth a lot, as well as stealing his wallet. But instead, it’d been returned back to him, with everything still in there.
For Taehyung, I’d been the only one to say I liked his drawing, back when we were little kids. It was of a little alien cartoon character, with a heart shaped head (the same thing he’d been drawing in chalk on the driveway earlier), and everyone else laughed at him and called it silly and said it looked nothing like the real cartoon. But when I told him it was nice and that I thought it was really good, it made him want to draw it more, before he started drawing other things too, and his passion for art had been sparked, all because of a little compliment from me when we could barely write our names.
For Jungkook, I’d been helping clean Dahyun’s house after her house party, and I found him passed out in the upstairs bathroom. I got Dahyun to help me get him into my car, drove him home (I knew his address from a party he’d had once), used his house keys to get him in his house, helped him lie down on the sofa, forced him to drink some water and then left a note beside a full bottle of water to letting him know who’d dropped him off at home. And then I’d locked up after myself and posted the keys through the letterbox. His mum had phoned my parents the next day to thank me profusely, and brought over some cupcakes – they were amazing, by the way.
And for Jimin, maybe the most important of them all – I’d done my end-of-year presentation on eating disorders. We had to do the presentations for our language grade, to show that we could speak with fluency and precision and accuracy, and we were told to do it on an interesting topic so that we would be motivated to write an engaging presentation. Almost everyone else did theirs on superficial things, like their hobby or their favourite celebrity. Mine was one of the only serious ones. Everyone had praised mine – I always was good at language – and I got one of the highest two grades (Namjoon and I competed for the top of the class in every lesson we had together). But what I didn’t know was that, thanks to my presentation, Jimin realised he had an eating disorder. He was virtually starving himself, not eating for days at a time, whilst over exercising, because he hated the way his body looked. And because of the helplines and websites I put at the end of the presentation, he sought help, and spoke to his parents about it. He went to the doctor with his mother, and they put him on a diet plan to get him back to being healthy. I helped him to be healthy again.
My eyes are teary when Jimin finishes speaking. I’m so touched that he remembers, that they all remember the acts of kindness I did for them. And whilst Jimin’s was unintentional, it was still so important, and I’m proud of young me for deciding to do her presentation on a serious topic. I’m proud of her for being such a kind person all the time. This truly is karma – I did these nice things for them back then and they’re repaying that kindness back to me when I need it most. And then I realise why Jimin was so desperate to help me – he just wants to help me like I helped him.
‘So, really, y/n, don’t thank us. We owe you,’ Namjoon says, all of them nodding in agreement, and I beam at them, tears beginning to spill down my face. ‘Don’t cry, because you’ll make me cry!’ Jungkook shrieks, all of us laughing as Jin hands me a tissue, and I dab the tears away. ‘God, what’s wrong with me? I never cry this much usually,’ I say embarrassedly, and Jimin grins. ‘Don’t be embarrassed about crying. I think I’d have cried out all of the water in my body if I were you,’ Jimin says, coaxing a laugh from me. ‘Me, too,’ Jungkook says, sniffling a little, and we all burst into laughter when we see that his eyes are full of tears. ‘My God,’ Jin says, his lip curled up in mock disgust, ‘you really are a cry baby.’ ‘Can you blame me?’ Jungkook asks defensively, wiping his eyes, and Jin’s eyes widen. ‘Yes! You’re not the one dying!’ he exclaims, setting the rest of us off again, our laughter carrying in the cool summer air.
#BB2020#bangtanhq#ficswithluv#bangtanarmynet#btswriterscollective#btsgoldnet#bangtanidx#btspocnet#kwritersworldnet#btsghostie#magicshopnet#bts#bts park jimin#bts series#BTS jimin#bts fanfic#bts fanfiction#bts fluff#bts smut#bts angst#bts comedy#bts humour#bts au#bts imagines#park jimin#park jimin smut#park jimin fanfic#park jimin au
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Ranking 46 of the agents of SHIELD deaths
In honour of the deaths that we'll get in the series 7 finale I decided to rank some of the agents of shield deaths. It's not super accurate cause I didn't rewatch anything, but more or less it's how I feel.
I tried putting the read more but it doesn't work
46.
Antoine Triplett
You'd think I would put this really high but you'd be wrong. Was it really sad? Absolutely. But was it also unnecessary and pointless? Yes. He died for nothing. Absolutely NOTHING. I could talk about how pointless his death was for hours.
45.
Agent Davis (s06e10)
This was so shocking and I was so mad. I started to LOVE Davis SO MUCH, he was great and they just,,,, killed him??? Like that??? And again, as for Tripp, it was unnecessary. I understand killing characters but this one just felt like they killed him just to kill him, not because there was a reason.
44.
Daniel Whitehall (s02e10)
While I was so happy that he died I was also extremely mad, disappointed and underwhelmed. Because Coulson shooting him in the back wasn't only underwhelming but it also upset me because I wanted Cal to get his revenge, it wasn't fair.
43.
Phil Coulson (s07e06)
I'm sorry but I just couldn't care less. I felt absolutely nothing at all. I knew they were just going to build him a new body. Sure, the speech in the background was really really good but the death itself left me completely unfazed.
42.
Wilfred Malick (s07e05)
Again, didn't really care about him. He was okay in episodes 1 and 2 but soon after I just stopped giving a shit about him. A bit higher than Coulson cause he's a Nazi and it's always nice to see them get what they reserve.
41.
Holden Radcliffe (s04e15)
This is one of his three deaths and it's actually the one I care the least about. All I could think about when AIDA killed him was how much of an idiot he was for telling her that on how obvious it was what she was going to do.
40.
Izel (s06e13)
She's probably my least favorite villain that we ever got in aos and I just didn't care about her or her motives at all. Her singing was nice tho. When she died I was happy because it meant I didn't have to deal with her as a villain anymore.
39.
Sarge (s06e13)
He was so interesting and cool at the beginning, and then he was interesting because of his relationship with may and daisy but when we got to the end I just didn't really care about him and was happy to see him. As for izel I didn't feel much about his death. The daisy and mack team up was nice tho.
38.
Sinara (s05e09)
She was a cool character but I didn't really have this big interest in her. She looked cool and her fight scenes were cool, but that's it. Same for her death, the fight with daisy was cool but other than that I didn't really feel much because of her death.
37.
Kasius (s05e10)
At the beginning I wasn't really sold on him but he grew as a villain and became a pretty cool villain. (Not my favorite tho). His fight with mack was cool but again, his death didn't really impact me emotionally.
36.
Gideon Malick (s03e17)
Again, another villain whos death I didn't really care about, however he's a bit higher cause I liked the way his vision came true in a way I wasn't expecting.
35.
Victoria Hand (s01e17)
I didn't necessarily care or like her the reason why it isn't lower is because it was an important part of the plot and for the whole Ward thing
34.
Gordon (s07e10)
Meh. It was sad but I also didn't really care too much about it.
33.
Jaco (s06e09)
A side character that I didn't necessarily love and whose death didn't really upset too much, however I was sad that he had died because he was such a good person who deserved better and I would've preferred if someone else had died.
32.
Gordon (s02e22)
That whole scene just kinds of really rocks. "Science biotch" + the fact that you don't know if it's Fitz or Gordon who got impaled. I don't know, it was cool.
31.
Glenn Talbot (s05e22)
I'm actually not happy with the direction Talbot's character took. The fight with Daisy was awesome but I wasn't sad to see him go because by that point they had just ruined his character for me. I'm sorry.
30.
Ruby Hale (s05e18)
I didn't like her and I know and understand why people sympathised with her, I just couldn't. So the reason why this is so high is because of Elena and her emotions and reasons. Plus the tension in this scene was so high and it was really emotional.
29.
Jiaying (s07e10)
It was a bit unexpected but also so sad because daisy had to see her mother die again, and this time her mum wasn't trying to kill her but to protect her. However I didn't feel too much during that scene.
28.
Christian Ward (s02e08)
This is higher not because of Christian himself but more so because of Ward and everything that happened while he was killing him. It was really interesting for sure.
27.
AIDA (s04e22)
AIDA has SO MANY cool moments that I love and she's probably my favourite aos villain, and her death was okay, but it just left me like "oh okay they burned her and now she's gone". Ghost rider Coulson was brilliant, but her death itself just left me a bit underwhelmed I guess.
26.
Raina (s02e22)
I actually couldn't stand Raina and found her extremely annoying so I was really happy when she died, but it was a really cool scene: seeing Jiaying "betrayal" and daisy being there to witness it.
25.
Enoch (s05e10)
At the time I didn't really LOVE Enoch yet, I thought he was really cool and I was sad to see him sacrifice himself to save everyone, but I didn't really care that much. (If I researched it now it would be 100 time sadder)
24.
Eric Koenig (s01e19)
He was an okay character but i didn't necessarily love him however just the image of his dead body that we can't see with the blood streaming down the wall, Ward cleaning what he used to kill him etc it was all really daunting
23.
Andrew Garner (s03e15)
I don't know if it counts as a death but when Garner turns into Lash permeability. His scene with May was just so emotional and sad.
22.
Grant Ward (s03e10)
Don't get me wrong, I loved Ward getting his chest crushed by Coulson, but then hive got his body and I know he's not Ward but I was still so annoyed that a part of ward was still there. If it wasn't for that this one would soooo much higher. I just remember being so annoyed that he was somewhat still there.
21.
John Garrett (s01e22)
Not one where Coulson shoots him which is so funny, but the part where Mike gets to beat the shit out of this mf who ruined his whole life and kidnapped his son.
20.
Agent 33 (s02e22)
It was such a cool scene. I don't know why it's so high, but just her being killed by the one person she trusts, him killing the person he's with thinking she's someone else. It's so fucked up and tragic and,,, fitting.
19.
Rosalind Price (s03e09)
I never liked her and never liked her with Coulson but her death scene is such a great scene. I don't know how to explain it but that scene is just so perfect imo. So yeah, this is high not because of the emotional impact but just because it was a beautiful scene.
18.
Melinda May (s06e13)
This one was such an all around cool death scene but also really really emotional. Daisy had already lost Coulson and was devastated by the idea of losing May too. However because she was saved 3 seconds after I literally cannot put it any higher.
17.
Holden Radcliffe LMD (s04e11)
Such a badass Fitz moment where he just takes that gun and shoots him in the head.
16.
Melinda May (s04e03)
I knew that May wasn't going to die and they would bring her back but that scene still manages to be extremely tense and just generally well done. Loved it so much.
15.
Mack's parents chrnicoms (s07e06)
This scene is so brutal. Not only has mack jut found that his real parents are dead but he also has to kill two chrnicoms that look and talk and have his parents memories.
14.
Elena Rodriguez (s05e10)
This one was another really emotional one and I thought it was great, however I can't put it higher because I knew that wasn't the current Elena and I knew they were going to fix it. Still a brilliant scene all around tho.
13.
Jiaying (s02e22)
An all around powerful scene. Jiaying trying to kill her own daughter and then Cal telling Daisy that he would do it so that she wouldn't have to deal with the guilt. Just wow. It was so sad.
12.
Jiaying
Just seeing her being experimented on, her organs being taken away, the fact that Cal found her body and had to sew her back together. It's so horrifying and sad.
11.
Mack and Mace LMD (s04e15)
I'm sorry but that whole fight scene between Daisy and them is so badass and coul and the way Mack's skull was torn apart by daisy was just brilliant.
10.
Holden Radcliffe (s04e22)
At this point I actually cared more about him and I was sad to see him go but more than that the scene was just so well done and I LOVED it.
09.
Melinda May/Phil Coulson LMD (s04e15)
Another brilliant scene but more than that it was so sad because in a way she was May, she had her memories and she felt like May and she had what she had tondo because she would sacrifice herself for Coulson, but that wasn't him.
8.
Jeffree Mace (s04e18)
I actually always liked him but by this point he had grown on me even more. But what I love about this death it's how fitting it is. He had gotten famous because of a lie but here he proved himself, he proved that he is that person and that he deserves the glory that he got.
7.
Robbie Reyes (s04e06)
His death scene is visually so so beautiful. Him flying in the air with the broken glass. Beautiful.
6.
Leo Fitz LMD (s04e15)
Jemma having to stab the person that she loves the most. The way in which he was still begging and acting like Fitz at the beginning and then turned impassive like a robot. It was such a hunting scene.
5.
Lincoln Campbell/Hive (s03e22)
I never really got attached to him but this scene was so sad because of Daisy, because of her pain and desperation. I cried my eyes out in this scene. "He's paying for all of our mistakes".
4.
Hope Mackenzie Framework (s04e22)
That whole scene is just heartbreaking. I don't know what else to say. It's just heartbreaking.
3.
Katya Belyakov (s02e17)
Bahrain is just,,,, again heartbreaking. This is so high because this is such an important moment for May and it's just so heartbreaking.
2.
Enoch (s07e09)
The fact that this is the second time that he died to save the world and the team. However this time it was 100 times sadder because I didn't just think that he was cool but I actually loved him. Devastating. Cried a lot.
1.
Leo Fitz (s05e22)
I'm biased cause he's my favourite but I just cried my eyes out during his death. It didn't even matter that I knew that he was in season 6 because I was just so devastated.
#agents of shield#agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.#aos#Phil Coulson#melinda may#Lincoln Campbell#grant ward#leo fitz#jefree mace#holden Radcliffe#AIDA#glenn talbot#jiaying#ruby hale#raina#Enoch#elena Rodriguez#robbie reyes#long post
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So after a fantastic (/s) hour of being broadly triggered by something last night, I decided to start going through the notes I took on the Bible when I was attempting to read the whole thing (I didn’t succeed at that but there’s still a bunch of entries of notes). The interesting thing about that is that for a good half of it, I was still in the cult, and for most of the rest of it, I was still at least mentally in it. I haven’t looked at it for like two years tbh but here is my commentary on some entries
TW for possibly scrupulosity triggering statements and rapture anxiety
4/26/17 Genesis 16
Sarai and Abram definitely weren't perfect. They had slaves, and Sarai was mischievous.
Being mischievous is (implied) sinful?
6/17/17 Exodus 17
Amelek went to fight the Israelites and whenever Moses held up his staff, we won.
I would make a joke about how I am neither Jewish nor several thousand years old so the “we” makes no sense, but honestly it says something about the connections simulated by the cult between different social groups for narrative purposes
8/30/17 Luke 19
If you do what God asks you to, good things generally happen.
8/31/17 Luke 20
It doesn't pay well to question Jesus.
9/1/17 Luke 21
When the end of the world comes, try to persevere through it.
Something about this just... I don’t know. The order and contents are unsettling and kind of tragic to reflect on. I don’t know if that makes sense
9/5/17 Acts 2
Sun turning to darkness, check. Moon turning to blood, maybe??
More rapture anxiety/anticipation here. At the time my class and some of the classes above and below considered that maybe the rapture was soon because of the recent eclipse and blood moon
9/8/17 Acts 5
Sometimes people think Christians are evil because of the story in this chapter about Ananias and Saphira falling dead at the church.
Oh yes, it’s such a leap to make assumptions about people who approve of a deity killing people when they make a somewhat selfish but not actively malicious decision
9/9/17 Acts 6
We are still to care for the poor, just not people who are leeching off of recsources they don't really need.
9/10/17 Acts 7
People are always going to criticize you if you are a Christian.
Can you tell the cult was very pro-capitalism and encouraging of persecution complexes?
9/22/17 Acts 19
God gave Paul power to heal people without even trying. People just had to brush against his clothes to be healed.
Me in 2017: *looked up to Paul as a role model and almost magical figure*
Me now: man fuck Paul
10/8/17 Romans 8
Paul is conpletely convinced, and I am too, that nothing (literally nothing) is able to separate us from Jesus once we’re saved.
I fucking hope there is, sheesh, I’m glad I’m finally away from that bastard
10/13/17 Romans 13
There should be no reason to fear the government if you’ve done nothing wrong because God has appointed people to rule. Rulers don’t just happen by accident.
Fuckin... nationalism babey.... I guess... hhhhhh
Job 9-10
Job keeps complaining that he’s blameless. Then he asks God to kill him now.
Job 11-12
Another of Job’s friends tells him to repent of any sins he had committed and Job would not suffer any more. Job says again that his complaining is justified because he hasn’t done anything wrong, and he asks God to listen to him appeal for his innocence.
I would make a dark joke about how being so angry and upset at God that you ask him to smit you is a mood, but this is just sad. I feel so bad for Job; I doubt he existed but this poor man did nothing to deserve any of that.
Job 42
Job replies saying that he knew nothing compared to God, and took his words back. God scolded Job’s “friends” as well as Elihu and told them to sacrifice 7 bulls and have Job pray for them. Only then would God forgive them. Then God restored Job’s previous possessions and gave him 7 children, which he bestowed inheritance to all of them, even the girls. Job for the win!!
Diversity feminism win! Local man gives his daughters money through his will
1/2/18 Psalm 97-98
God is fair and He made Earth so He will judge people fairly. God is ruler of everything and you really should be on His side or else you’re going to get it.
Just a little conflicting??? I can’t with the fact that these are in the same entry right next to either other
2/19/18 Proverbs 1
Don’t be friends with wicked people because soon you be like them and shoot yourself in the foot by doing it. Listen to wisdom or you will really regret it.
And uhhh that’s why I stayed in the cult mentally for a bit even when I left
3/9/18 Proverbs 19
Because foolish and wicked people only lead to more wickedness, it’s better for a ruler to do away with them in a righteous way.
W h a t d i d y o u j u s t s a y n o w ? 😀
3/21 Ecclesiastes 1
This first thing I have to say is that Solomon is really depressing. He says how he has searched the world and that nothing means anything because history just repeats itself. Wow thanks Solomon for repeating what I already knew in a really depressing way.
Anyway remember that time I had an existential crisis about my life compared to the expanse of human history? Yeah that was like five years before this
4/13 Isaiah 12
When all the punishment is done, people will praise God for relenting and give thanks to Him.
4/14 Isaiah 13
Babylon will fall and God will punish them by the Medes and Persians invading. There will be no pity.
4/15 Isaiah 14
Moab will fall and be obliterated.
4/16 Isaiah 16
Moab will suffer and wander until they’re judged.
4/17 Isaiah 17
A bunch of areas of Israel will be torn apart and laid waste because they have forgotten God.
Well this is just morbid
4/24 Isaiah 24
God will raze Earth and there will be no joy. I don’t want to be alive when that happens.
What do I even put here. I was supposed to be worrying about if I had learned the lyrics to the newest pop song yet at this age, not worrying about whether I wanted to be alive or not during some hypothetical point in time
5/4 (May the Fourth Be With You!) Isaiah 34
God will utterly destroy Edom. It will not be able to be cultivated or recovered and animals will become its citizens.
The whiplash is so stark that this almost becomes funny??? Like not even joking, if I had to pick an excerpt of something I wrote at the time to represent what I was like, it would probably be this
#scrupulosity tw#rapture tw#sin tw#blood mention#murder mention#gosh the warnings needed for the Bible commentary of a middle schooler are much more than you’d think#suicidal ideation tw#just in case here; I’ve never been actually suicidal but it was more of a hypothetical “well if this happens I don’t want to be involved”#sort of thought process at the time#how it was growing up#ex cult#ex fundamentalist#ex evangelical#Esrah talks
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By this point in the conversation, Natsu had retreated to his bed and laid down. He transfers the phone from one ear to the other so he’s able to turn onto his side. Things were at a middle ground and he needed to get her fully on his side. It was time for a little truthful humor.
“Aww, but why?” he whines, an amused puppy-dog expression on his face despite no one else being able to see it. “I mean we both got to sit down, that’s a win-win, right? You know sharing is caring.” After a snort of non-amusement from the other end, he relents. “Okay, I’m sorry.” A small sigh of defeat leaves his lips. “I promise in person I’m more like a dork. The sarcastic humor is just a defensive mechanism cause I’m nervous. And that night I was really, really tired. I mean you saw how quickly I fell asleep.”
“I guess that’s true…”
“And if I’d wanted to take advantage, I had the opportunity but didn’t.”
“Also, true...”
He goes in for the million-dollar question. “Lemme take you out to lunch, somewhere you’re comfortable so we can start fresh. Then you’ll see how I’m really just a goofy guy. I mean, it’s hard not to be considering I’ve got pink hair and green eyes. How much weirder could I be.”
The snorting laughter he gains from Lucy makes him smile. He was almost there.
“I don’t think you look weird,” her voice softens, almost bashful in tone and he could just imagine her blushing on the other end. “But, before I say yes, I’d like to learn a little more about you.”
Natsu chuckles, “that’s fair.” He flips onto his back, relaxed with one arm propped behind his head. “Shoot. I’m an open book.”
“Okay... um, do you have any siblings?”
“One older brother who’s married already.”
“Do you like animals?”
“I love animals! I have a cat back home with my parents named Happy. I wish I could have him here, but the apartment doesn’t allow us to have pets.”
“Aww cute name,” she giggles. “Could you send me a picture later?”
“Will do,” he beams. He’d send her a hundred photos if it’d make her smile.
“Um... what is your favorite food?”
He chuckles, “anything. I love spicy stuff, but I’m really not picky.”
“Okay last question for now, what do you want to do with your life?”
“Wow, ending with a big one there,” he laughs. Natsu assumed Lucy wanted to make sure he wouldn’t turn out to be a bum, and frankly the question made him respect her even more. “Fire’s always fascinated me, and before you ask, no I’m not a pyro,” he chuckles. “I’ve considered being a firefighter, or an arson investigator, but I’m studying to be a fire researcher.”
“What would you do with that kind of schooling?”
“Well,” he taps his chin, “take for example a car. Most people don’t realize how dangerous the engine can be, so the section that separates the engine from the passenger compartment has what’s called a firewall. In the event that the engine catches fire, that wall keeps it from getting to the passengers to give them time to flee. So, studying fire is not just about the fire itself, but what you can do with the knowledge you gain about it and how to apply in in the real world.”
“Wow— that’s pretty interesting. I mean, I don’t think it’s interesting, but just the fact you’ve put so much though into this...” Lucy pauses for a moment. “Okay Natsu Dragneel, I’ll go on a date with you.”
“Yes!” He sits up quickly pumping his fist into the air. But when he hears the full-blown laughter coming from the other end, embarrassment hits him like a brick. He clears his throat. “I-I mean, great! So, where’d you like to meet and when?”
“How about this Friday? Do you have classes that day?”
“Only in the morning, so I’m free at lunchtime.”
“Hmm, there’s a place called Shirokuma Cafe. I like their cute drinks. Would that work?”
“If that’s where you’d like to go, it works for me.”
“So, noon?”
Natsu grins wide, “it’s a date.”
“I should get back to studying now, so I’ll see you Friday...”
“Wait! Before you hang up, I have one question.”
“Yeah?”
“Is it okay if I text or call between now and Friday? I just don’t wanna overstep.”
“It’s fine,” she chuckles. “Goodbye, Natsu.”
“Goodbye.”
Natsu flips backward, hugging the phone to his chest with a sigh. “I’m in love.”
“Pfft,” he hears from his doorway. “How can you be in love after just two interactions? You don’t even know anything about her and before today you thought she was a dream!”
“I just know okay! Way to try and kill my excitement Gray.” He wasn’t about to get into a deep philosophical discussion right now.
The roommate uncrosses his arms, “it’s just insane to get too attached so soon, but whatever. So, what we doing for dinner?”
“Oh, shit! Sorry!” Natsu jumps off the bed. “I’ll get dinner started.”
Before leaving the room, he quickly sends Lucy a few of his best photos of Happy along with a text message, ‘one day, I hope you’ll get to meet him’ with a smiley face. She responds with a heart, gushing over how cute of a kitty, and a ‘me too’ blushing face. Natsu’s heart does a double skip at her answer. Me too... was she serious?! Kami, he hoped she was!
Over the course of the week, Natsu fights the urge to call or text her too often. He wanted to keep up a connection without pushing her away in his excitement. It’s been so long since she’s really crushed over a girl that he really couldn’t remember a time. Maybe at the beginning of high school and that had been fleeting at best. Regardless, this whole situation had him riding on cloud nine.
Most of them were simple, have a great day or good night messages. His pride beamed when Lucy responded to the first good night beautiful with an ‘Omg’ blushing thank you. That was a good one and he fell asleep imagining how she looked on the other end of the line.
He knew Gray was right about falling so quickly over a girl. It was crazy, insane, and yet the connection Natsu felt to Lucy was overriding any rational thought. The initial excitement was bound to slow down, but until then, he had no problem with being this happy.
The dreams may have brought it more to life than an average meeting. Though it shouldn’t surprise his roommate considering Natsu’s always been the type to put 100 percent effort into whatever peaks his interest. And right now, that interest was in a beautiful, smart blonde girl that he gets to see again the next day. ‘Kami, let everything go well tomorrow!’
#nalu#nalu fan fic#nalu fan fiction#Natsu dragneel#Lucy heartfilia#nalu au#fairytail#fairy tail#Natsu x lucy#strangers on a train#ch 6#petri808
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Long ass post ahead. TL;DR I found an old set of questions and decided to answer them again 7 years later because why not.
1: What are you wearing?
2014: Some Shorts and a shirt I accidentally stole from my brother.
2021: Panic! at the Disco shirt and some running shorts
2: Ever been in love?
2014: Oh yes, sadly...
2021: pfft.
3: Ever had a terrible breakup?
2014: Not technically, but I once had my homecoming date hook up with another girl.
2021: hahahahahaha. Yes.
4: How tall are you?
2014: like 5 foot 1, maybe 2? I dunno.
2021: 5’4”, apparently
5: How much do you weigh?
2014: How about no...
2021: Who’s to say ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
6: Any tattoos?
2014: Yes! I got one on my left shoulder blade not too long ago. I often forget I have it, actually lol.
2021: I’m up to five, and six is planned.
7: Any piercings?
2014: I do. I have double lobe piercings, and my left ear at the top. No non-ear piercings. Those seem uncomfortable to get, tbh.
2021: Uh...double lobe, helix, forward helix, tragus, nose, and septum.
8: OTPs?
2014: Marshall and Lilly on HIMYM. I mean, I think that's what this is asking. Right?
2021: I’m still not 100% sure what this means but I’m doubling down on Marshall and Lilly.
9: Favorite show?
2014: I'm still recovering from the ending of How I Met Your Mother, but I also love Criminal Minds, and the Big Bang Theory.
2021: HIMYM, Criminal Minds, Stranger Things, and Masked Singer.
10: Favorite bands?
2014: I pretty much love anything, so I'll try to shorten it to Love and Theft, Newsboys, t.A.T.u, Beast, and Fun.
2021: My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, twenty one pilots, Maroon 5, Relient K.
11: Something you miss?
2014: Going to the park and just lying in the grass with my friends or crushes. I know, I'm Cheesy.
2021: Not having responsibilities or bills to pay.
12: Favorite Song?
2014: ...why do they even bother asking this? Tbh, “I'll Be” by Edwin McCain, and “Hello, My Name is” by Matthew West
2021: “you should see me in a crown” by Billie Eilish and “no body, no crime” by Taylor Swift
13: How old are you?
2014: Nineteen. I feel old.
2021: ...twenty-six.
14: Zodiac sign?
2014: Aries, barely.
2021: (not) shockingly, I’m still an Aries.
15: Quality you look for in a partner?
2014: Just someone who's willing to go on cheesy dates at the park, and love me for who I am. And a Christian. Yea, I'm one of those people. Sorry...
2021: dude just someone who’s gonna stick with me.
16: Favorite quote?
2014: It's actually a verse. I love Jeremiah 29:11. It's actually part of what's tattooed on my shoulder; right below a cross.
2021: “it do be like that sometimes”
17: Favorite actor?
2014: Uhhhhh. Matthew Gray Gubler, or David Tennant. I love them both :)
2021: Matthew Gray Gubler.
18: Favorite color?
2014: Green, or pink. Depends on the shade and whatnot.
2021: pastels. mostly green.
19: Loud music or soft?
2014: If I'm alone in the car? loud. Anywhere else I enjoy my soft music.
2021: If I’m by myself loud but if there’s others I like to keep it low enough so we can still talk.
20: Where do you go when you’re sad?
2014: My Room, or the park not to far from me. I like parks, if you haven't noticed.
2021: My room
21: How long does it take you to shower?
2014: Uh, probably about 10 minutes.
2021: Either 10 minutes or 45 minutes. There is no in-between
22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
2014: About 30 minutes. I like to sleep tbh.
2021: Maybe 20 minutes at the most. Cutting off all my hair really took some time off my getting ready list.
23: Ever been in a physical fight?
2014: heck no.
2021: hell no.
24: Turn on?
2014: Cute shy smiles, and geekiness. I love someone who I can be comfortable with.
2021: dorks with a lame sense of humor. I am all about the dad jokes.
25: Turn off?
2014: Those guys who try to make you uncomfortable, or act like they're super cool. I guess that would be douches, huh?
2021: the “oh you should smile more” men.
26: The reasons I joined Tumblr?
2014: I was trying to find a place where I could post stuff without my parents seeing it tbh. I like having a place where like 2 people actually know me.
2021: Because where else can I release the true psychotic chaos within me?
27: Fears?
2014: Being abandoned. And darkness, for sure.
2021: Finding out people only stayed in your life out of obligation and not out of their own choice. And spiders.
28: Last thing that made you cry?
2014: The guy I liked totally looked past me and started telling me about this other girl, after I told him how I felt (not RIGHT after, it had been about two months...but still).
2021: My mom manipulated me into showing up to something I didn’t want to because “I should really go visit family”
29: Last time you said you loved someone?
2014: My best friend and I say I love you after we hang up the phone Lol.
2021: Other than normal parent “Love You”’s, it’s probably been about 3 years.
30: Meaning behind your Tumblr name?
2014: I'm short, totally socially awkward in new situations (and with old friends, now that I think about it) and Idk about the fox. I just like foxes, I guess...
2021: There is no meaning. I like pancakes, space, and dragons.
31: Last book you read?
2014: If you don't count my English Lit book, then it was probably "Only the Good Spy
Young" by Ally Carter, but I don't remember.
2021: oh geez. It was probably “George” or “Rick” by Alex Gino
32: The book you’re currently reading?
2014: Nothing yet. I do have that last Gallagher Girl book to read though. I'll probably start it this weekend.
2021: Nothing. But I never got to that last Gallagher Girl book...
33: Last show you watched?
2014: The Big Bang Theory.
2021: The Masked Singer
34: Last person you talked to?
2014: My dad lol. We were watching the NFL draft.
2021: Guy friend of mine. I went to his place for dinner and some video games.
35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted?
2014: Good Friend
2021: hahahahahahahaha. We’re just friends.
36: Favorite food?
2014: Cajun. Blame my grandparents, that's what they cook a lot lol.
2021: Pasta
37: Place you want to visit?
2014: I wanna go to Alaska. Even though I know it's super cold.
2021: Europe. Specially Spain or France.
38: Last place you were?
2014: I honestly left home like twice today, to bring something to my brother at the High school, then to bring him to a friends house. He has a better social life than me.
2021: Friends place to hang out. We played Stardew then ordered wings and watched a movie.
39: Do you have a crush?
2014: Yes. See question 28 lol. Also, there's this other guy who I got close to last year, but I haven't spoken to him in weeks, and it's killing me.
2021: See guy referred to in 34, 35, and 38.
40: Last time you kissed someone?
2014: Never. I have never kissed anyone. Well, besides like a kiss in the cheek from family. Yeah...
2021: wow it’s probably been about three years.
41: Last time you were insulted?
2014: Recently lol. I guess... I don't really pay attention, or care...
2021: I don’t know. Probably recently.
42: Favorite flavor of sweet?
2014: I'm just gonna act like this doesn't exist, cause idk what it's asking.
2021: Chocolate.
43: What instruments do you play?
2014: I can play the French Horn and Mellophone! I also want to learn the flute, but I can't unless I have something to practice lol.
2021: French Horn, Mellophone, and Ukulele. Still want to learn the flute.
44: Favorite piece of jewelry?
2014: My purity ring. If I forget to put it on, I can seriously feel the emptiness, and it bothers me...
2021: My septum ring! I feel like it’s the first piercing I got for myself, and not just something I thought others would like on me.
45: Last sport you played?
2014: Maybe Soccer? Idk.
2021: pfft. Sports.
46: Last song you sang?
2014: “I'll Be” by Edwin McCain. But I really don't sing well, so it doesn't happen much, unless I'm alone.
2021: “You Belong with Me (Taylor’s Version)” by Taylor Swift and I 100% sang it to my dog.
47: Favorite chat up line?
2014: I don't have one
2021: It’s been 7 years and I still don’t have one.
48: Have you ever used it?
2014: Since i don't have one, no.
2021: Nah.
49: Last time you hung out with someone?
2014: I hung out with my future roommate before I left college yesterday.
2021: When I went to the previously mentioned Guy’s house earlier today.
50: Who should answers these questions next?
2014: Well, I guess any of my followers can choose to, if they want.
2021: Bold of you to assume anyone’s actually going to see this.
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