#I managed to shave off 2 hours from my average

[oatmealdoodles]

ok but if I told you she was my wife…

edit: forgot to add the x on one eye so it’s there now

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lute #hazbin hotel fanart #hazbin hotel adam #adam x lute #she’s so pretty #and badass #I’ve been trying to spend less time in my drawings #I managed to shave off 2 hours from my average #so feeling pretty good.👍 #hazbin hotel fandom

[teacupfulofstarshine]

LOVELY, DARK, AND DEEP CHAPTER 10

PLEASE HEED THE CONTENT WARNINGS!!! this chapter features Evil Scientist Lady and her Fucked Up WorldView a LOT, and there are also some Major Plot Events that involve Violence. i will put a summary in the end notes if you decide at any point that this particular chapter is too much - that's super valid! i will also mention here that no main characters are going to die in this story and no one dies in this chapter either.

huge huge thanks to @flamingfawkes for beta’ing!

CW: extreme disregard for human life, mentioned human and animal cruelty, toxic workplace environment, violence (both imagined and actual, mildly graphic), gun mention, minor blood, death threats, extremely unethical character, unethical science, stalking

chapter 1 // chapter 2 // chapter 3 // chapter 4 // chapter 5 // chapter 6 // chapter 7 // chapter 8 // chapter 9 // read it on ao3!

“This is the same result we’ve gotten the last twenty times -”

“I don’t care, Steven, run it again!”

Steven sighs, punching at the keyboard to run the statistical analysis sequence again. “This is ridiculous! I’ve run this sequence so many times it feels like my eyes are going to bleed. Why can’t we just turn in the results we have and -”

“Because she’ll behead us,” James snaps, “and then she’ll destroy our reputations and our families and they’ll get no severance. I have three young children at home, Steven, I need this money.” Steven softens a little, fingers running smoothly over the keys as he combs the data again. Next to him, James has a computer screen full of frame-by-frame stills of what little data they recovered from the probe before it was destroyed; Penny across the room is surrounded by ancient texts a mile high and at least three laptops.

“Why is she so interested in this, anyway?”

“It’s beyond me. Since when do we question the whims of what we’re told to do?”

Steven squints at the screen, pushing his chair back and rubbing at his eyes. “If I have to stare at these numbers for one more second, my brain is going to explode. I feel like my eyeballs are going to melt out of my skull. I wanna scream.”

James pulls up another image, staring at the blurry image of the merman before him. Steven pushes away from his own screen and squints at James’s. The merman in the photo looks young, not much older than his kid brother, but they don’t know anything about the lifespan of these creatures. He looks confused, squinting at the camera. As James flicks through the stills, the merman transitions from confused to angry to enraged, and then he attacks.

“He’s not happy about the camera.”

“Would you be happy about someone spying on you and your family?” James says, switching to the next still.

“I wouldn’t be happy if I thought someone was doing anything we do in this lab to me or my family.” James elbows Steven, but luckily no one else seems to have heard.

“This lab isn’t the most ethical place I’ve ever worked, but it pays the bills,” James mutters. “And we’re not even in the experimentation lab. We just do data analysis. We’re removed from the situation.”

Are we? Steven wonders. He sees James reach out and touch the framed picture of his daughters, and keeps his mouth shut. He turns back to his computer, watching the little spinning color wheel of his mouse as the program calculates the same numbers again and again. The results come up identical to the previous ones, and Steven clicks “Run Program” again wordlessly.

They work in silence for a while, the three of them, broken only by James’s muttering and the occasional thud of one of Penny’s books and the clicks of keyboards and mice. If they weren’t so reliant on technology, Steven thinks, there would be an enormous corkboard spanning three of the four walls, covered in pushpins and handwriting and red string connecting images. He debates actually building one, if only to increase the levity in the room, but decides against it.

He’s seen people punished or fired or who-knows-what-else for far less, after all.

Instead, after his program tells him for the twenty-third time that his results are the same (and didn’t someone say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?), Steven scrubs at his eyes with the heels of his palms and opens the data entry window. Maybe the problem with the results has to do with the entry of the data; did he input something wrong? It’s possible . . .

Here he goes again, he supposes. He stands up, stretches, and leans back to crack some vertebrae. “I’m gonna grab a coffee, take a short screen break, and go back to the beginning. Maybe there’s something in the input that I missed. You want anything?”

James groans, thunking his head against the desk. “I want something with enough caffeine to kill three elephants, please.” Steven nods, looking over at Penny. She shakes her head, and he heads for the shitty coffee machine a few doors down.

Several floors below, a young woman pulls her lab goggles up to rest on top of her head with her perfectly-pinned protocol-compliant bun. “The latest round of tests is completely done, ma’am. I think you’ll find the efficacy . . . striking.”

She takes the clipboard, glossy perfectly-painted nails pinching the sheets of thin paper and flicking between them. “I’m afraid I don’t do so well with the scientific side of things - Kathleen, was it? Explain this to me, would you?”

“Certainly, ma’am. As you know, the kill time for the most effective neurotoxin currently available, tetrodotoxin, varies from thirty minutes to four hours. Average time for symptoms to manifest is seventeen minutes, and from there the symptoms progress through tingling of the lips and tongue, headache, vomiting, muscle weakness, ataxia, et cetera. Death occurs as a result of respiratory or heart failure, and the poison is nearly undetectable if you do not specifically test for it.”

“The untraceability is a plus, but that is far too wide a range of times, and too slow a time even at its fastest.”

“Of course, ma’am, but as far as naturally-occurring marine poisons go - actually, as far as naturally-occurring poisons go, full stop - it is the most effective. Until now, that is.”

“Oh? What are your findings?”

“Which trials would you like to start with, ma’am?”

“The human trials, Kathleen. The only ones that matter. I hardly intend to go around killing mice and hoping that no one traces their deaths to a novel neurotoxin.” She laughs airily, and Kathleen nods along.

“Certainly, ma’am. The most recent data points indicate an average efficacy time of thirteen minutes for our compound neurotoxin, with a full range between nine and seventeen minutes passing before subject death. Subjects began to show symptoms around five minutes, give or take twenty-five seconds.”

“And those symptoms were?”

Kathleen flips through the document. “Seizures, vital organ failure, blindness, painful muscle spasms, suffocation from the inside out.”

She hums, tapping a manicured finger against the report. “Well, Kathleen, that is certainly impressive, especially for a preliminary human subject trial. These results . . . I must say, they are not nearly as disappointing as I anticipated when I came down here.”

“Ma’am?”

“How long have you worked for this company, Kathleen?”

“Almost five years, ma’am, but I’ve always been an assistant. This is my first time as lead researcher and biochemist on a project, ever since you . . . laid off the previous lead researcher.”

“Kathleen, let me be frank. These results are not what I hoped for. The efficacy time and symptom onset times are both far too long for my liking, and the range of efficacy time is too broad. By all accounts, I should consider this a failure.” Kathleen swallows, but remains poised. “However, you’ve managed to shave off a considerable amount of time from the tetrodotoxin readings. The range of symptom onset time is an acceptable breadth, and your results are far beyond anything your predecessor ever accomplished for me. This is truly impressive, all things considered.”

“Thank you, ma’am. How should I proceed?”

“I want the efficacy doubled - tripled - I want it upped by anywhere between four and five hundred percent. I want the pain increased, too. Feel free to increase your requests for test subjects, but get me the results I want. You said the original tetrodotoxin was untraceable?”

“That’s correct, ma’am.”

“Can you keep that feature intact?”

“As of right now, it is intact, ma’am. I will endeavor to keep it so in future experiments.”

“That’s what I like to hear. Welcome to your new position as head of this research division. Don’t let me down.” She holds out a slender hand, and Kathleen takes it, trying not to seem too eager.

“I won’t, ma’am.”

“How soon can you start this experiment up again?”

“The cleaners should be finished by tomorrow morning, ma’am, and I can tweak chemical formulas until then.”

“Excellent.” Her watch beeps, and she lifts it, pursing her bright lips as she examines the message she’s just received. “If you’ll excuse me, I have another matter to attend to. Someone will drop off your master access key for Lab Three within the hour.”

She steps into the elevator and lifts her watch up to her face, swiping through the messages from her secretary. One finger reaches out to press the button for the digital analysis labs floor, and the other taps away at her watch.

When she steps off the elevator, her secretary is waiting. “Ma’am.”

“What do they have for me?”

“Unclear. They said it was something they wanted to report directly to you and you alone, but it seems to be something big.”

“Hopefully it’s a big step in the right direction, or they’ll be taking a big step out of a job.” She relishes in the way the employees she passes all unfailingly flinch and then snap to perfect attention when they hear the sharp echo of her heels against the floor. She lifts her head and walks faster, striking the tiles with her heels like a gavel, sharp and precise against a judge’s desk.

The computer labs are disorganized when she enters, but there is a string of promising-looking numbers on the main display monitor. There is a woman surrounded by books and a man pulling up photos on his computer, and there is a third man standing in front of her like a toy soldier. She focuses on that one.

“I hear you have news for me? Make it swift, and make it good.”

He swallows, hard, and her eyes idly trace the line of his throat. If he disappoints her, perhaps she will drive her heel through it, to make an example of him. That would be far too messy; perhaps his dominant hand will do.

“I have narrowed down the location of the missing net, ma’am. I believe it to have washed up somewhere around these general GPS coordinates.” He fiddles with a remote in his hand, and the image on the screen changes. It shows an aerial satellite view of a secluded strip of beach, framed by rocky cliffs with larger rocks studded out into the open water. “It should have washed up somewhere in this one-point-three-seven-mile strip of beach. The whole area is property of one Doctor Thomas Sanders.”

She snarls. “That man. He won’t let us on that beach willingly until hell freezes over.”

The other man, the one scanning through photo stills and video footage, jumps up, knocking his chair backwards. “I found something!”

She turns towards him, and his excitement freezes and sputters into something much more controlled and terrified. “Show me.” He clicks something and pulls up video footage from one of their surveillance drones, zooming in on a particular patch of ocean along the stretch of Sanders’ beach. Her eyes widen when she sees what he’d noticed - a hump of red-and-white tail arcing above the waves before a pattern of ripples streaks off towards the cliff. He pauses the footage, rewinds it, uses a laser pointer to show an opening concealed in the cliff face.

“There’s some kind of grotto in there, hidden by the cliff. It’s on Sanders’ property, he has to know it’s there. And it looks like the merman from the destroyed drone knows it’s there too. Which means -”

“That must be where he’s keeping them.” Something burns in her chest, brilliant and terrifying and all-encapsulating, like wildfire. “We’ve found them, at long last.”

“What would you have me do?” her secretary asks. “I can arrange for a recovery squad at your earliest possible convenience, ma’am.”

“Assemble the squad, but do not have them move out. They will wait for my orders. When they go, you are to go with them.” Her secretary nods, once, sharp and sure. “Dispatch a crew to Lab One and clear it out. I want it prepped for containment, vivisection, chemical tests - the works. Get at least three tanks set up and one strap-down human table.”

“A human table, ma’am?”

“Yes. We have to deal with Sanders once and for all to ensure that he does not ruin any future experiments.”

“Will we be taking him as well?”

She hums thoughtfully. “No. Pull up the file we have on his known associate?”

A few swift clicks and flicks and a photo appears on the large screen: a young man with brown-and-purple hair, sleeves rolled up, carefully lowering a perfectly viable specimen into the ocean and letting it go, like some kind of fool. “His doctoral student, ma’am. The longest one he’s ever kept - this one has been with him a few years.”

“Excellent. When you raid the lab, take him.”

“Should we kill Sanders?”

“No. Rough him up a little, but leave him alive. Taking his protégé and leaving him alone, helpless to rescue him, will be the highest form of torture for such an insufferable person. The agony will eat him alive until his dying day.”

Her secretary nods, taking the notes down dutifully. The other employees look vaguely horrified, but she pays them no mind. No sacrifice is too great to be made in the name of progress, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a weakling who will never get anywhere in life.

She refuses to be one of those weaklings.

*~*~*~*~*

Logan wakes up confused.

He’s warm, warmer than he thinks he’s ever been in his whole life. When he stirs, he moves farther than he meant to - he must not be underwater. That’s enough to send a jolt of concern through his sleep-addled brain. Why isn’t he underwater? Why was he sleeping if he was above the surface? There’s no way his dad is here, and Roman hates surfacing, where are they? Where is he? But he’s so comfortable . . .

Someone shifts beside him, an arm draping across his waist, and Logan forces his eyes open. He shifts his lower half, confused when two things move instead of one, and there are layers upon layers of thin, flat, soft things wrapping around him. What is happening?

Slowly, slowly, his mind clears, and he remembers the events of last night. He grew legs - he was a human, once, before he was mer - he couldn’t sleep underwater with Dad and Roman - Virgil was teaching him to walk - Virgil put “clothes” on him - Virgil was embarrassed that he didn’t have those “clothes” on him - Virgil took him out of the lab to sleep - Virgil agreed to cuddle him since his pod couldn’t -

Logan feels the strange burning in his face again as he shifts. He can’t see well in this new human form, but when things are close enough to his face they’re relatively clear. And Virgil, still sleeping, is close enough that Logan can smell him - he smells like salt water mixed with something sharp and something sweet and something else that Logan can’t quite identify but finds addicting nonetheless. Sunlight streams in and pools around Virgil’s face, illuminating the tangled mess of hair spread around him and flopping into his face, the small puddle of water leaking out from his open mouth onto the soft thing he’s resting his head on, the way his chest moves slowly with every breath. His arm is wrapped around Logan, pulling him close. Logan thinks he might explode if he focuses on this any more, so he rolls from his side to his back as carefully as he can, not wanting to wake Virgil. Virgil tightens his arm around Logan and mutters something indecipherable in his sleep, but he doesn’t wake.

Rather than focusing on his very confusing feelings for the very pretty man next to him, Logan focuses on what he can see of the room around him. He makes a list in his mind of things that he plans to ask Virgil about later today, including:

1: There are many draws attached to the small, smooth cliffs surrounding them. How do they stay there?

2: There are lots of “clothes” scattered all around the floor, and there were several on the bed, too. Is that normal for humans?

3: Last night, Virgil did something that made the room light up with trapped sunlight! How did he do that?

4: How did Virgil get ice to stay in those big frozen sheets in such a warm place to let the sunlight in?

5: How did Virgil make ice into that weird shape that he filled with water and drank last night?

6: How did Virgil get the water to come into this place?

7: Do all humans have a specific area set aside for sleeping? Logan and his pod usually just sleep wherever they can, but Virgil seems to have this soft slab set aside with all of these soft things to be comfortable and sleep in every night. Is this a Human Thing or strictly a Virgil Thing?

Logan looks out through the sheet of ice that protects Virgil’s area from the outside and gasps. He can’t see well, but there’s a glittering expanse of blue that shifts and moves and oh, is that the ocean?

He’s spent his whole life (well, his whole remembered life, anyways) in the ocean, and he’s seen some truly wondrous things. He travels around the world with his pod, he knows the ocean is big, but seeing it spread out like this is . . . awe-inspiring. Logan has never seen the ocean like this, and now that he has he doesn’t think he can ever not see it like this again. It’s like a perfect sheet of sea-glass, rippling and unbroken but dynamic in a way that he never really gets a sense of when he’s beneath it.

He knows that there are waves, of course. There are smaller swells out on the open ocean, and larger ones when the Second Goddess dips her fingers down from the Upper Ocean and swirls the storms to a thundering burst. There are waves along the shoreline, ones that he frolics in with Roman and batter him against the shoreline. There are waves created when he or his pod members surface. But watching the movement of the ocean from up here is . . .

Even with his imperfect vision, he is completely at a loss for words as he stares at the ocean.

Eventually, Virgil stirs next to him, and Logan turns away from the ocean to stare at him. Virgil is close to him, arms wrapped tightly around him, face pressed against him. Logan’s eyesight is not great, but Virgil is close enough that he can pick out little details of his face. There are brown face scales scattered all over him, but they seem to cluster on his nose and his cheeks. Logan has wanted to touch them for a substantial amount of time, and he can’t stop himself from gently settling the tips of his fingers over Virgil’s cheek.

His face doesn’t feel like Logan was expecting. The scales don’t give texture to his face the way that Logan’s do; the skin is smooth and flat. There are little bumps all over, but the brown scales aren’t raised off the skin like Logan expected. He lets his fingers trail along Virgil’s face. His bone structure seems to be exceedingly similar to Logan’s, at least in regards to his head. Logan’s finger rests gently on the curve of bone under Virgil’s eye, and Virgil exhales warm breath onto his palm.

Logan wonders what it would be like to have this for longer than just his recovery period. He wonders what it would be like to wake up next to Virgil all the time, to get to run his hands over Virgil’s face and arms and chest and examine the differences between their anatomy. He wonders what it would be like to learn to walk without falling over, and he feels a sharp, unexpected twinge in his chest as he realizes that getting better at walking means no more closeness to Virgil.

His chest feels strange, like there’s a school of small fish swarming around and tickling his insides and making him feel all foamy, like the froth churned up by a windswept sea. He feels like he does when he’s underwater - free, weightless, mobile, limited by nothing except his own imagination. He feels unstoppable.

Virgil makes a sudden, sharp inhale, blinking his eyes open slowly. Logan thinks that, perhaps, he might not appreciate being studied unknowingly - he hadn’t appreciated Virgil doing it, before he understood what was happening, when all he knew was the loss of his pod aching like a scraped-out seashell. As Virgil wakes up, Logan shifts, turning his gaze to the rest of the room.

Virgil makes a sleepy grumbling noise, opening one eye. Logan chances another quick glance at him, and when his eye slides open Logan is struck by its beauty. He doesn’t get much of a chance to admire it, however, before Virgil is jolting backwards like Logan’s struck him with lightning. Logan is confused, reaching out and gently touching his shoulder. “Virgil?”

“Wassat?! Wait . . . L’gan?”

“It is me,” Logan says softly. “Are - are you upset with me?”

Virgil yawns, jaw dropping to his chest, revealing a flash of teeth and a soft pink tongue. (Logan wants to lick it. Why does Logan want to lick it? Why is Logan thinking about Virgil’s tongue licking his tongue - why is Logan thinking about Virgil - what in the Seven Oceans is happening to him.) “Wh - no, no, ‘m okay, I just - woke up, forgot I had you with me, got confused about another person in my bed.” Before Logan can start to feel bad, Virgil adds, “S’okay if it’s you, though,” and the foamy, floaty feeling is back.

“Did you sleep well?”

Virgil laughs, low and rumbling, and Logan can feel it in his fingers where he touches Virgil’s skin. “I never sleep well.” He sits up, and the fabric of his pajamas shifts to let Logan see stretches of soft, supple skin that he usually doesn’t. Logan wants to touch it. He very determinedly keeps his hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “Gotta admit, though, last night was . . . better than usual.”

This appears to be the point where Virgil first notices their position - pressed together, arm slung over Logan, basically cuddling the way that Logan normally would with his pod. (No tangle with his pod has ever felt this . . . electric, this charged, this important to Logan before.) His face flares a brilliant red, and he shifts like he wants to move away but -

“I’m sorry,” Virgil says. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“No!” Logan blurts out. Virgil blinks at him a little, and maybe he was a little overly enthusiastic, but - “I sleep in a tangle with Dad and Roman all the time. I have extreme difficulty sleeping without contact with someone else. It . . . helped me greatly.”

“Oh,” Virgil says, face turning redder still, smiling shyly. “That - makes me feel better. Thanks, Lo.”

Logan smiles, and Virgil smiles too, reaching up to gently move a piece of hair away from his face. Logan thinks that, as far as deaths go, his chest exploding (which seems to be getting more and more likely every fifteen seconds he spends in Virgil’s presence, only accelerated by all this skin-on-skin contact they’re having right now) seems to be the most pleasurable.

Virgil opens his mouth to say something, but whatever it was is interrupted by a Ping! noise from across the room. “What is that?” Logan asks. Virgil, sadly, untangles himself from Logan and the blankets, sliding out of bed and heading over to one of the other structures in the room (what did he call it last night? Dex?) and picking up a flat glowing rectangle.

“Is everything alright?”

“What? Yeah, yeah, I - Thomas sent me a text, it’s a little weird.”

“What is a text?”

“It’s a kind of human messaging system, it allows us to communicate when we’re far away from each other.”

“Like a pod call?” “Kind of? I’ll explain more later, I promise, I just - I gotta go down to the lab real quick.”

“I’ll come with -”

“No!” Virgil snaps. Logan flinches, and Virgil softens, crossing the room and gently touching his shoulder. “Hey, no, Logan, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just - this message, there’s something off. I think something might be wrong, and I don’t want to put you in any unnecessary danger. Just - wait here, okay? Wait in my room, where it’s safe. It’s probably nothing, he’s probably fine, but on the off chance that he’s not, I want you to stay hidden safely up here.”

Logan isn’t sure why this makes his face heat up slightly, but it does. “Okay. I accept your apology, and I . . . trust you.”

Virgil smiles, soft and heartwarming, and Logan is beginning to give more credence to his “chest explosion is fine, actually” theory. “Wait for me here, okay? I’ll be right back. I promise.”

He leaves, shutting the door firmly behind him, and the foamy feeling in Logan’s chest dissipates a little. He can’t quite put his finger on it, but there’s something . . . off. If Logan didn’t know better, he’d think that he was sensing a predator approaching.

But that can’t be right, he isn’t underwater. His danger senses are likely just overreacting to his disappointment at Virgil’s absence.

. . . Right?

*~*~*~*~*

Thomas is beginning to regret letting Roman and Patton (specifically, Roman) out of the large tank before finishing his first coffee of the morning.

“I want some!” Roman complains.

“Do you even know what it is?” Thomas says. Roman pouts sulkily at him.

“. . . No,” he mutters, rolling his eyes. Thomas gives him the deadpan, no-nonsense, I-am-your-direct-superior-take-the-damn-samples-Virgil stare that he has perfected over the past few years. Roman wilts a little more, and Thomas feels slightly bad.

“It’s called coffee,” he says. “It’s a hot drink that lots of people have in the morning. Some people drink it plain, and some people add things to it to change the way it tastes. It helps me wake up more and get focused to start my day, and sometimes I drink it late at night to help keep me awake.”

Roman looks less like a kicked puppy and more like Logan, eyes wide and curious. “I want some!”

Thomas, taking a sip of his own two-seconds-of-cream-five-cubes-of-sugar coffee, nearly spits it out. He looks at Roman, eyes the very sharp, very detachable, very toxic spines covering his body, and says, “No.”

Roman’s demeanor changes entirely, switching from “curious toddler” to “toddler about to throw a temper tantrum” in a heartbeat. “Why not?!”

“Because when people drink coffee without being used to it, sometimes it makes them a little crazy.”

“I’m not crazy!”

“Do I need to recount to you how many times you’ve threatened me and my assistant since we met you?” Thomas says, raising an eyebrow. “I’m not giving you coffee until I know I can trust you not to stab me with your poisonous spines that cover your entire body and can be fired at people.”

Roman pouts more, dropping under the water and letting out a gratingly harmonious string of mer that Thomas is pretty sure translates to Roman bitching about the coffee situation to his dad. Based on the pattern of Patton’s response, he’s pretty sure Patton is laughing at Roman.

More sulky chalkboard-violin music, and then Roman resurfaces grumpily. “Dad agrees with you and says no consuming strange human foods.”

“Did he laugh at you?”

Roman squints suspiciously at him. “You can’t speak our language.”

“Yeah, but I know what it sounds like when a dad laughs at his kid.” Roman, continuing to pout, sinks back into the tank, presumably to sulk some more. Thomas takes another very long sip of coffee that is definitely too hot for his mouth and turns back to his desk.

Virgil should definitely be awake and in the lab at this point. The samples he’s supposed to be analyzing are sitting in their little tubes, each neatly labelled with locations and dates and times and what, specifically, Virgil is supposed to be looking for. Thomas considers going upstairs and waking up Virgil, who’s almost never been late for work in this way, but he decides against it. Virgil is upstairs with Logan, and Thomas knows that there’s something building between them. He’s not sure how advisable that something is, but he trusts Virgil to make his own decisions.

Besides, he could probably use some practice. His water sample analysis skills are pretty rusty, he’s had Virgil doing them for years. “Virgil, you owe me big time for what I’m doing for you.” He carefully shifts the samples over to his own desk, slides his earbuds in, picks up a pipette, and gets to work analyzing the bacterial and algal concentrations for any abnormalities.

Thomas accomplishes about forty-five minutes’ worth of work before Roman interrupts him by flicking water at him and soaking the back of his neck. “Hey!”

“I tried your name, but your little ear bug things were keeping you from hearing me,” Roman says smugly. Thomas, not for the first time, considers retreating to the closet and throwing beakers until he feels better.

“Can I help you?”

“Dad wants to go hunting and bring back breakfast, but we can’t leave without you.”

“Are you not going hunting?”

“I’m going to stay here and observe you,” Roman says.

Thomas blinks. “Do I . . . need observing?”

“How do I know you won’t sell us out to your little human friends the second you get a chance? If I’m here, I can stop you. Plus, what if you do something to Logan while we’re not here to protect him? No, no, I’m staying right where I am and you can’t make me leave.” His spines ripple; Thomas steps closer to a whiteboard in case he needs to duck.

“I’m not going to do that, and I don’t want you to stab me.”

“Still! I’m staying here! Also, Dad’s bigger than me, and he’s a better hunter cause he’s faster and he’s been hunting longer.

“Does he need something to help him carry all those fish?” Thomas asks. Roman opens his mouth like he’s going to say something snarky, pauses, and stops.

“I . . . usually we just eat what we catch when we catch it. We make a pile of prey and take turns guarding it while the other two hunt. Then we make a sacrifice to the Seven Mother Goddesses and eat what’s left.”

After some debate, Thomas is able to fashion a sling of sorts from some waterproof tarps and leftover anchor rope to tie around Patton’s body. “You can put the fish in this pouch and carry them back here. Will you be able to navigate your way back to the grotto?”

“He will,” Roman says. “Dad knows more about the ocean than any human possibly could.” Another discordant song from the tank, chastising, and Roman huffs. “Dad wants me to reassure you that he’ll be fine.”

Patton settles into the mobile tank easily, and Thomas gets him down to the grotto leading towards the sea. “When you come back, let out one of your pod calls and Virgil or I will come and collect you and your catch. Take as much time as you need, okay?”

Patton reaches up and gently pats Thomas’s arm with one large, damp hand, and Thomas takes that to mean an agreement. “Alright, off you go.” There’s a whoosh and a rush of water as it flows from the tank into the grotto in a clean arc, carrying Patton with it. Thomas waits for a moment, letting Patton disappear into the open ocean, before returning to the laboratory.

Roman, for the most part, ignores Thomas. He asks the occasional question, which Thomas tries to answer in a way that he’ll understand, and leans over the edge of his touch tank, eyes guarded. Every time Thomas sneaks a glance, when he thinks Roman isn’t looking, his expression is wide-eyed and wondrous, like Logan’s usually are, but the moment he realizes Thomas is watching him his entire face closes up like a clamshell.

Thomas wonders what it’ll take to get Roman to trust him, trust Virgil, trust any human. Granted, he doesn’t know Roman’s history with humans, but he and Patton are both fairly scarred, and Thomas might not know the whole story but he’d bet a not-insignificant amount of his monthly income that the giant starburst scar taking up the majority of Patton’s chest isn’t the result of a clash with a marine creature.

He works quietly, fielding the occasional question, keeping one ear on the grotto tunnel for Patton’s return. He’s not sure how long he expected Patton to be gone, but he hears movement in the grotto tunnel far sooner than he’d expected.

“Thomas, what’s -”

“Shhhh,” Thomas says. He stands up, pushing away from his desk, but before he can say anything else, there’s a flood of movement coming from the tunnel. Bodies pour into the lab, swift and strong and carrying weapons that they immediately train on Thomas and Roman.

“What is this?” Roman snaps, bristling. He sounds betrayed, like he thinks Thomas is behind this. Thomas picks up a heavy glass beaker, fully prepared to shatter it upside someone’s skull if necessary, but something heavy and hard strikes the back of his skull and he feels his knees crumple. Roman cries out, and Thomas struggles to push himself up. A hand fists itself in his hair and yanks him upright, sharply. Thomas exhales sharply through his teeth, but before he can start struggling, something cool and round rests against the back of his neck, shutting him up and shutting his brain down.

Roman is puffed up like a hedgehog, apparently fully prepared to defend Thomas despite his strong and inherent mistrust. Before he can begin to attack, Thomas hears the click-click-click of shoes on the hard stone floor. Whoever’s holding his head yanks him back again, and he is forced to watch as a woman walks into his laboratory.

(It sounds like the beginning of a bad joke - a sick, horrible, twisted joke.)

She has black heels, black tights, a black pencil skirt, a black blazer, and a blood-red blouse. Her hair is scraped back into a tight bun, pulled so taut it must hurt, and is held in place with a pitch black stick. She carries a - clipboard? tablet? Unclear - held against her chest, and there’s a sleek silver weapon in her right hand.

“The one from the video?” she asks.

“Affirmative, ma’am,” says the person holding Thomas’s head. The woman nods, lifting her weapon, and fires at Roman. Thomas tries to scream a warning, earning himself another painful yank from his captor, but the projectile lodges itself in Roman’s shoulder anyway.

It isn’t a bullet, but something that looks like a small syringe. Roman swats it out of his shoulder, swaying a little, but it doesn’t stop him from swiping at the - mercenary, they must be - who tries to grab him with his elbow spines. The woman frowns, lifts the weapon - some kind of tranquilizer gun? - and fires again.

Roman screams, inhuman and animal, and tears the newest dart from his arm, throwing himself out of his tank and clinging to the nearest mercenary. His teeth tear into the man’s shoulder, spines piercing through his camouflage clothing and flooding him with neurotoxin. The man collapses against the concrete, alive but unconscious, and Roman snarls at the next man as though daring him to approach. He sways, weakened but awake, and bares his teeth.

“Of course,” the woman says, tapping something on her tablet. “His naturally produced neurotoxin must be providing him with some level of natural resistance. Unexpected, but not a limitation.”

It takes three more tranquilizer darts before Roman finally slumps down into his tank, unconscious. The mercenaries look hesitant to approach him, but the woman reaches for her tablet and they scramble to action at once.

“No - no, stop, let him go, he’s not an animal for you to cart off to your lab -” Thomas starts. The man holding him knees him sharply in the back and he cries out, coughing.

They wrap Roman in thick leather bands, roughly shoving his spines flat and binding them against his skin so that he can’t attack them again. The woman nods, once, short and sharp, and they drag Roman away, letting his head bang mercilessly on the ground. Thomas catches a glimpse of a logo - emblazoned on the back of the jackets, on the back of the woman’s tablet, on the side of her tranquilizer gun - and commits it to memory. He’s going to need it, if he gets out of here alive.

“- your phone,” the woman says, and oh, when did she get in front of him.

“My what?”

His mouth runs dry as she places the tranquilizer gun under his chin, barrel pressing against his throat, and tips his chin up. “I said, give me your phone.”

Thomas blinks. “My - the desk. It’s on the desk.”

She sets her tablet down, picks up his phone, and shoves it in his face. “Open it.”

“I - wh -”

“Unlock your phone, Dr. Sanders. Must I repeat myself a third time?” She rolls her eyes. “Doctorates are wasted on people like you.”

Thomas numbly punches in his passcode, and she swipes through to his messages app, frowning before turning the screen towards his face to reveal a message thread with Virgil. “Is this your assistant?”

Thomas glares at her, he’s not going to give her what she wants, he’s not going to just give her Virgil but then the - gun, it must be a gun, what else would they be holding against his neck like this - pushes into him harder, and it’s probably bruising, and he can’t get himself killed here because then he definitely won’t be able to take care of Virgil and -

“Yes,” Thomas says, hating himself for giving in so easily. “What do you -”

She turns away from him, nails clicking against his phone screen as she sends a text message - to Virgil, presumably, and that makes his heart sink like a stone - before dropping it on the floor and stepping on it to shatter it. “I have a message for you.”

“A - what?”

“Did they really hit you that hard, or were you this stupid before we came here?” she says coldly, picking up the tablet again and tapping at the screen. Thomas groans as the man yanks him to his feet, shoving him onto his chair and pulling a roll of duct tape out of one of his multiple pants pockets. He tapes Thomas’s wrists and ankles to the chair, keeping his weapon trained on Thomas’s temple at all times, before pressing it roughly against his head and gripping his hair again.

The woman sets the tablet on his lab table, and the screen flickers to life, and then there’s a woman in front of a dark black backdrop, smiling at him like a cat who’s caught a canary. “Thomas Sanders. How long I’ve waited for this day.”

Thomas recognizes her. He knows he recognizes her. She used to be his classmate, before . . .

His head hurts, so badly that he can barely keep his eyes open, and the memory slips away. “You . . . why are you doing this?”

“Why? Because I am a real scientist, unlike you. You refuse to do what is necessary, what must be done for the progression of the species. The sacrifice of some worthless animals is necessary for humanity to reach its zenith. You would really hinder the entire human race for the preservation of lower life forms?”

“Wh - I -”

“You think that ‘preserving the ecosystem’ and ‘keeping animals alive’ makes you a good scientist, but it makes you weak. You are weak, Thomas Sanders, and if the world was left in the hands of people like you, the human race as we know it would die out in a few centuries. Fortunately, there are people like me, who understand what must be done.”

“Caring about other people and things - it doesn’t - it doesn’t make you weak,” Thomas says, chest heaving, and the woman just laughs.

“One of many logical fallacies to which you subscribe, Thomas. They really gave you a doctorate? Of course caring makes you weak. All emotions make you weak. They corrupt your data and make your experiments worthless. You must be ruthless. You must be willing to do whatever it takes to pursue your goals and achieve the height of success. But no.” She rolls her eyes, face hardening, twirling a pen in her fingers. “You insist on ethics and principles and letting emotions cloud your judgement, and that makes you a failure as a scientist. It makes you weak. Your attachments will be your downfall.”

Thomas’s eyes slide shut, head pounding, and the man behind him yanks at his hair so sharply that he knows some has been ripped out. He forces his eyes open in time to see a smile slide across the woman’s face like a knife, teeth gleaming white as sun-bleached bone.

“You won’t - get away with this,” Thomas manages. He grinds his teeth together and curls his hands into fists, digging his nails into his palms to keep himself awake. “If you leave me alive -” Thomas, stop talking, why are you reminding her that she has the option to fucking kill you “- I will not rest until I find you. I’ll - you can’t -”

“You’ll what, Thomas? If you call the police, you’ll expose those creatures you’re so intent on protecting to the world. Are you really willing to take that chance?” Before Thomas can even begin formulating a response, she steamrolls him. “It doesn’t matter. Even if you were, I’m going to take some . . . insurance, shall we say.”

“Why not just kill me?” Thomas spits. Excellent idea, Doc, poke the murderous lady with a stick like a god damn hornet’s nest, the tiny Virgil in his brain hisses. Her smile, somehow, only widens, and that’s . . . that can’t be good, can it? Smiles are supposed to be good! They’re supposed to make you happy, but all Thomas feels is creeping dread and pain, so much pain, and -

Yeah. He’s . . . pretty sure he has a concussion.

“Because if I kill you, you get to take the easy way out. Your suffering will end. But unlike you, I don’t put limits on my science. I know how to cause you the maximum amount of pain.”

Thomas eyes the toxin gun, but the on-screen woman just laughs. “Not yet, Thomas. We need something from you, first.”

“You already took Roman,” Thomas says. “What more can you possibly take from me?”

“You named it? You’re even weaker than I thought.”

“He told me his name, he’s not an it, he’s not a thing for you to play with and - and I -”

There’s a strange sinking feeling in Thomas’s chest as the woman onscreen laughs. “I knew you were emotional, Thomas, but I can’t believe this! It looks like I’ll have more hanging over your head than you thought.”

“You -”

“Say, Tommy-boy, have you heard from your precious little assistant recently?”

Thomas’s entire body flushes ice-cold and then white-hot, immediately struggling against his duct tape bindings despite the man tearing at his hair and shoving the gun into his neck and snapping at him to shut up, shut up, shut the fuck up before I do something we’re both gonna regret -

“Don’t you touch him!” Thomas snaps. “If you hurt him, I swear to God -”

“You’re not in a position to be making demands, and if you don’t calm down, I’ll paint your boring little lab bright red.” Thomas freezes, holding his entire body tensed like electricity is running through his blood.

There are footsteps on the stairs. “Doc? I got your text, what’s -”

“Virgil, run!” Thomas chokes. Virgil comes around the corner, holding his phone, staring at the screen in confusion. He looks up, eyes widening in horror as he takes in the scene.

“You know what to do,” the woman onscreen says. The other woman lifts her tranquilizer gun, and Thomas is sure that he’s screaming, his mouth is open and sound is coming out but his blood is rushing through his ears and his heart is pounding like waves against a boat in rough sea and he can’t - he can’t -

Virgil turns to run, but the tranquilizer dart hits in him the back of the neck and he collapses like a sack of bricks. The woman lowers her gun and jerks her head at the two remaining conscious, unoccupied mercenaries, who step forward and grab Virgil.

“Let him go!” Thomas screams, and his throat feels raw and his chest feels raw and his wrists are rubbed raw and his soul feels hollow and raw, like he’s been scraped out with a jagged piece of metal and only an empty shell remains. Virgil’s head lolls against his chest as they drag him down the grotto tunnel, and Thomas struggles and screams and stares after them until Virgil is out of sight.

His face is damp, and his eyes are burning, and he isn’t sure if it’s blood from his head wound or tears or some strange, morbid mixture of both.

“The greatest torture of which I can conceive,” the woman onscreen says, and it takes him a moment to realize that oh, she’s talking to me, “is to leave you alive, knowing that your precious little protégé is with me, and that there is nothing you can do about it.” She leans forward, and any trace of a smile is gone. “If you try to come after me, I will kill him. If you call the authorities, I will kill him. I already found you, Thomas. Don’t think I’m not watching. If I catch so much as a whiff of you planning something, his blood will be on your hands. Do you understand me?”

Thomas, numb and shocked, can’t even respond. “Knock him out and bring the specimens back to me,” the woman onscreen says.

“Yes, ma’am.”

He doesn’t even feel the tranquilizer dart hit his neck, but he welcomes the sweeping darkness.

(Summary: Evil Scientist Lady has been spying on Thomas and she finds the entrance to the grotto where our mer friends have been hiding. She sends her assistant and several armed thugs to invade the lab, they drug Roman with tranquilizers and kidnap him. Thomas gets knocked around a lot and is mocked for being an ethical scientist and caring about people by Evil Scientist Lady and she gloats at him through Evil Facetime before kidnapping Virgil in the same way they did Roman, knocking Thomas unconscious, and leaving him tied to his lab chair. During this whole scene, Patton is out in the open ocean hunting and Logan is safely hidden in Virgil's room.)

#starshinewrites #lovely dark and deep #romantic analogical #sanders sides #platonic TLAMP

[morphinethevaccine]

Would you want to be their roommate? (ADA Edition)

a/n: In which you're the roommate of various Armed Detective Agency members. I'm only like, half serious.

  — Dazai Osamu Boundaries? I don't know her.

Rule #1 of rooming with Dazai is understand he's a hypocrite. While he's 100% the type to read your diary, eat your snacks with zero intention of replacing them and take your stuff without asking, he does not want the favor returned. 

Honestly, Dazai prefers to have his own space. Having a roommate makes it a little hard to engage in some of his more reckless endeavors, like ignoring warning labels to mix bleach and ammonia, trying to inhale oven fumes, and womanizing (its not like he usually brings people back to his place anyway because he isn’t keen on people knowing where he lives, but the point still stands). 

Just pay little mind to the fact your toaster is missing because he tried (and failed) to drop it in the bathtub with him. Again.

— Atsushi Nakajima and Kyouka Izumi I feel a sitcom coming on.

Moving in with a stoic former murder turned do-gooder and the traumatized orphan with a self worth problem too many sounds like a scriptwriting fever dream. But hey, a positive: no matter how screwy your background is, you don't have to feel like the weird one. 

Quirks aside, neither makes a bad roommate: Atsushi is thoughtful, caring, and marginally domestic, while Kyouka minds her business by staying out the way for the most part. 

Considering the bizarre makeup of the occupants, people might look at the three of you and wonder how you manage to coexist. Maybe the three of you can even be the wholesome version of Three's Company, complete with regular misunderstandings that could have easily been avoided had someone just been more forthcoming.

— Doppo Kunikida Is this really how you want to live your life?

Has his lights on timer and 'quiet hours' he sticks to religiously. Organized to a 'T': you putting things back in the incorrect place or leaving a jar on the wrong shelf in the pantry is going to give him a tension headache. 

Definitely shouldn't be the residence of choice for messy people, those inept at reading social cues (who in turn won't know when to shut up and leave him alone), or anyone with an alternative sleep pattern. Will not hesitate to tell you off if you're running the microwave at 2 am. 

A great place for routine addicts or wayward souls in need of someone to beat order and structure into their head-- sometimes literally, but for the non-anal retentive, this is probably the closest form of spiritual suicide on this side of heaven. 

— Jun'ichiro Tanizaki and Naomi Tanizaki For those who don't value their mental health.

At first glance, not a bad place to stay. Jun'ichiro’s a solid cook, gives off everyman/boy-next-door vibes and is relatively sane (unless Naomi's in danger). Naomi's nice enough and likely a fun person to hang around assuming she's not glued to her brother's side. 

But don't get too excited just yet. Both tend to be fine, if not enjoyable to interact with individually, but the main problem with rooming with this pair is having to stomach them together. 

Imagine listening to these two doting on each other. All the time. Hearing that day after day is going to shave at least 10 years off your total lifespan, give or take. I suppose you can invest in earplugs and work on expanding your happy place, but is it really worth it?

— Ranpo Edogawa   Roommates? I think you misspelled 'parent and child’

Expect to hear "Great Detectives don't do (insert thing he should definitely be doing)" often. Could be a great roommate if he applied himself, but his laziness tends to delve into 'hand me the remote even though it's an inch from my fingertips' territory. 

Don't expect him to know how to use the garbage disposal or run the dishwasher (or be apologetic about either fact). Can't be trusted to buy groceries: his contributions are just the entirety of the snack aisle: Twizzlers, Mike and Ike's and this color changing drink he found at the convenience store. 

Pushes off things he should be doing (like his laundry) on you because 'you're washing clothes anyway' and has the frustrating tendency to only 'deduce' things you really don't want him to, like why your girlfriend or boyfriend broke up with you. 

— Akiko Yosano Not too bad, actually.

While Yosano might come across intimidating, she's largely harmless to the average joe or jane. Unless you piss her off, she has little reason to saw off any of your extremities. 

Generally speaking, she’s a normal roommate who respects your personal space (and expects the same in return, so please do the same if you value your life) and takes care of her portion of shared responsibilities without issue. Yosano isn't argumentative, but she's not one to bite her tongue, either. 

So if you're looking for a roommate who's not going to call you out if you're on some bullshit, Yosano is not that roommate. As long as you pull your weight and aren't unusually annoying, the two of you can manage a cordial relationship with minimal threats and/or bloodshed.

— Kenji Miyazawa Prepare yourself for a host of weird proverbs.

Has a 50/50 chance of calling you 'roomie' ("Because that's what city people say, right?") or something else mildly irritating. As the literal personification of its not that deep, it's pretty impossible to get him upset, which is great news for you-- just in case you happen to be the annoying one in this scenario. 

Kenji's probably the most laidback roommate of the ADA roster, who wouldn’t fight you for ownership of the larger bedroom or get salty if you monopolize the bathroom.

Bonus points if you happen to find his often bizarre stories about life in the country entertaining rather than disturbing (said stories are always told with a smile no matter how screwed up they are, of course, because this is Kenji.) Overall, not a bad person to have as a roommate unless positivity and blind optimism tend to give you hives.

#bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #armed detective agency #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #ranpo edogawa #edogawa ranpo #atsushi nakajima #nakajima atsushi #doppo kunikida #kunikida doppo #kyouka izumi #izumi kyōka #kyoka izumi #junichiro tanizaki #tanizaki junichirou #naomi tanizaki #kenji miyazawa #miyazawa kenji #akiko yosano #yosano akiko #bsd x reader #bsd #reader insert #headcanons

[muscle-worlds-stories]

Gift of the Lumberjack

"You're going to your Uncle's and that's final!"

My dad was pissed that I didn't have a summer job so he talked with my uncle and got me a job at his lumber farm out in the country. I wasn't very keen on spending my summer doing manual labor but I had no choice. My dad thought it would be good for me to get outside and not spend all day playing video games in my room.

My dad and I were on the way to my uncle's and damn was it far. My phone couldn't even get a bar of service, are you fucking kidding me. I can't even talk to my friends while I'm here what bull. We finally arrived at my uncle's farm and met my uncle at his doorstep. My dad and uncle talked as I took down my bags from the car and took them to my new room.

As soon as I set down my bags, my uncle comes up and hands me a red flannel and says to get dressed to start working. Damn already, and with a uniform, I just got here can he wait until tomorrow? I walk down the stairs and my uncle is standing by the door. My uncle was a pretty manly man. Him and my dad were brothers but you couldn't tell because my uncle was massive. He stood at a whopping 6'4 and he had a big beard with a burly body while my dad was almost a foot shorter but completely hairless and average body. I didn't gain the genes from my uncle but I was a spitting image of my dad.

My uncle showed me the wood shop where there was a pile of logs and an axe to cut chunks to supply stores as firewood. There were a bunch of cutting tools for other projects my uncle did and he told me he'd teach me how to use them all. After that he told me to clean up the shop. Are you kidding me, this place is huge, and all by myself? I had no choice and grabbed the broom and started sweeping.

2 hours had passed and my uncle called me from the porch and said dinner was ready. I head to the kitchen and see my uncle made baked chicken and vegetables. But each plate looked like it could feed a village. I tried to eat the huge portion but couldn't even hit a dent in it, while my uncle ate all of it like it was nothing to him! Looking at him eat every big bite made my stomach quake.

The next day passed and I woke up to my uncle ringing a bell downstairs. I groaned and got up and got dressed. He shoeved an axe on me and sent me straight to the shop to cut logs. I could barely lift the axe cause of how top-heavy it was. I tried to cut into the log on the tree stump but it pierced through but I couldn't pull it out. I put my foot on the log and pull, with the blade sliding out but making me fall back in the process.

My uncle came running in and was mad at me, saying "You need to build up momentum to slice these logs" as he easily sliced through the log with the same axe I was using like it was soft butter to him. I couldn't imagine slicing logs easily like that. My uncle then sent me to get stuff in town with his truck while he finished up the logs.

After getting the things my uncle needed, I asked him where I should put them, and he told me in the wood shop. I walk in the shop where the garage doors are closed and its only lit up by the rays of light beaming through the windows.

As I organize all the items and put them in their respective places, I notice a glimmer in the darkest corner of the barn. I turn and see what looks like a larger version of the axe I tried to use earlier today. I don't know why but the axe seems like it's calling me.

I slowly walk toward the axe and see the sunlight shine on the slick iron wedge. I pick up the axe, but almost fall for how heavy it is. I manage to hold it up and look at how thick the handle of the axe was. I could barely touch the tips of my fingers around the thick wood. The blade was massive, curved put past its base, a great tool to slice logs with ease. The light reflected off the blade and straight to my face.

All of a sudden a shock went through my body. I clench the axe like I was struck by lightning. My body began to heat up. I scream in pain as I feel my body stretch out. My torso begins to rise up, and my flannel begins to feel tight around my chest and arms.

I start to hear a ripping noise, as I can see my arms begin to thicken with muscle and tear the sleeves apart, showing an impressive bicep forearm combo. My tight squeeze on the axe loosened as I could see my hands thicken and gain sausage like fingers. My shoulders round out unlike how bony they once were and start to stretch the neck of the flannel. My screams deepened as I could feel my neck thicken and my adams apple pushing up to the surface of my neck. I couldn't handle the pain anymore. I dropped the axe and brought my now large hands to the neck of the flannel and split it down the middle of my now large chest. My pecs pounded out, with 2 weak strips of flannel trying to stay on my now enormous torso.

My legs tore through my jeans, with now thick thighs big enough to crush a watermelon in between them. As I took more deep breaths, I could feel an itch all across my body. I looked down and saw that dark hairs started spreading across my body. I rubbed my big pecs and felt each hair grow and start to cover every inch of me and spread to my shoulders and down my arms. Damn is this what Uncle looks like under all those flannels? God this was so hot I could do this all day. The itching went up to my face, where I could feel a rich, thick beard grow. Damn I guess I'm never shaving ever again, who would want to cut all this beautiful hair.

The warmth and the itching ceased and I could finally move. I looked at the absolute beast, no, lumberjack that I had become. Every muscle I moved raised up in a proud ball. I could now bounce my hairy pecs one at a time, now that's fucking hot. I look down to the axe, and pick it up. I walk to the stump and place a large log on it with no effort. I bring the axe on my shoulder, and swing it down the log. The log was sliced with no trouble at all, but now its stuck in the tree stump. I grab it with one hand and pull it out with my new strength. The axe comes free but the stump now has a large crack down the middle. Damn, guess I gotta hold back on my axe swings from now on. Uncle's gonna be happy that he doesn't need to do all the log cutting the rest of the summer. He'll, dad is gonna be shocked that I've finally taken more of my uncle's genetics than his.

#musclegrowth #nerdtojock #hairgrowth #lumberjack #tf #bear tf

[expired-monster-craft-smp]

Vibes Dream SMP members give off (in my opinion)

Dream

Barked at people in high school ironically but it became unironic real quick

Can’t cook very well but is good with a knife, especially at a fast pace

One of those kids who either purposely spells the first word wrong in a spelling bee to just be done with it right away or tries the hardest and manages to win (there is no inbetween for this heathen)

Bites ice cream with his teeth

Has snorted pixie stix far too many times and sneezed blue after each time

Eats bananas with the peels

Wears mismatched socks

Has taken a bite out of a pool noodle because he liked the texture and impulsively bit it (ADHD things✨😌)

Walks around looking extremely high but he’s just spacin out and stuck in his head

Dreams (lmao) in Minecraft and video games in general

Will flirt with anything that moves but has no idea how to respond to compliments

Makes fun of himself first before anyone else can

Has eaten an orange peel and it wasn’t that bad in his humble opinion

Wears khaki shorts

Eats the wax part of the baby bell cheese

Doesn’t actually know what genre his music taste is cause he vibes to everything

Georgenotfound

Picks at the skin on his lip when it’s dry so it bleeds and he tries not to give in by licking his lips often enough to the point where it became a habit

Wears velcro shoes because he doesn’t feel like tying them (he knows how, he just doesn’t wanna do it)

Eats peanut butter straight from the jar

Makes that disgusting “ants on a log” thing (celery stick filled with peanut butter topped with a row of raisins)

Can’t drink milk plain, it’s gotta have some sort of flavour

Can draw a perfect straight line but his circles look Terrible

Eats cheez-its like cereal without milk

Loves making little noises so much like he walks around his house doin chores and he’s just goin “memememenownownwnkwkshskshkshskhs”

Hates wearing socks

Coloured his tongue with highlighters because they’re non-toxic

Constantly tapping his feet and hands to a song/beat playing in his head

I can’t imagine this man using a bike of any sort, so Imma say he doesn’t know how

Can’t be licked by dogs because he’s used to being licked by his cat so it makes him uncomfortable

Can actually sing pretty well but gets real nervous in front of people so he fucks it up

Sapnap

No idea how to cook anything other than Mac and cheese please help this man

Meows at cats because he wants to confuse them and laughs Way too hard when he does (his laugh is like sunshine so I’ll allow it)

Would be fantastic at braiding hair Idk why

Gives the BEST fuckin hugs EVER

When singing, he makes noises for the instrumental parts too

Wanted to play the drums at one point

Really likes pit bulls but he’s more of a cat person so he loves them from afar

Only vaguely knows how to shave his face properly without hurting himself

Opportunities for him come up out of pure luck but mans is skilled for them so it works out well almost Always

Used to or currently has a skateboard and isn’t too bad

ALWAYS has bruises appearing everywhere for no reason, he doesn’t even know where 90% of them are from

Calls his friends twinks to jokingly bully them and gets away with it because he himself is not a twink

Gets sudden bursts of energy in the middle of the night and just shimmies around a bit to try and deal with it

Favours spearmint over peppermint

Arsonist

Banned from three (3) Dave & Busters in Texas

Badboyhalo

Washes his hands after doing literally anything

Likes the bird exhibits at the zoo (specifically the penguins)

Very good at cooking, best at soups and stews

If he painted his nails they would definitely be a baby blue

Overthinks very simple things and it makes him look less smart than he actually is

Drinks tap water

Probably prefers whiskey over beer

Knows how to tap dance a bit

Surprisingly good at taking and handling shots

Steady hands

Adds extra chocolate to hot chocolate

Plays sudoku and is really really good at it (only uses pen when he plays)

Everytime he sees a Himalayan salt lamp he NEEDS to lick it despite knowing it’s very salty and he’ll pull a face afterwards

Not great at Rock Paper Scissors

Wears sunglasses inside for no reason at all, he just,,,Does

Still has a stuffed animal from childhood perched on his bed

Probably tried his hand at archery

Tommyinnit

He has no idea how to use a baby voice on children or animals, so he just talks to them normally

Wears socks to bed

His fingers are double jointed

Always starts twitching if he stays still for too long because he’s gotta move around

His shoes and have different laces and it bothers everyone but himself

Doodles on himself in class when he’s bored or not paying attention

Has really good hearing, both with pitch and volume

Can’t eat tomato’s by themselves, it’s either gotta be in sauce form or with something else

FUCKING LOVES STRING CHEESE

Terrible handwriting

Favourite part of a slice of bread is the crust

Wants to paint his nails black to be cool and edgy but his hands are far from steady and he has no clue how to paint nails

Pretty affectionate with close friends (like Tubbo and Wilbur) off stream/camera

He likes pears for some reason

Wilbur Soot

Is constantly having to decide between leaving his hair as is or shaving all of it off

He also thinks about adding some colour but never actually does

Most tea is gross to him

Everytime he puts a breath mint thats circular in his mouth, he pretends it’s a pill and he’s taking drugs because he thinks that’s funny

He does that vacant state as a joke but that really what he looks like when he’s spacing out

Likes to aggressively flirt with his male friends but if his female friends flirt with him, he gets a bit flustered

Has probably accidentally swallowed a guitar pick

Once drank two entire jars of pickle juice

Bonks his head on anything and everything

He has broken a pair of glasses by walking face first into a pole outside

Thinks kinetic sand is fun

Has passionate arguments with others about trivial and random topics like chicken feet

Can open a beer bottle with his teeth

Would accidentally pop and swallow a bracket if he had braces

Tubbo

Hates sharp cheddar cheese

Everytime he learns a new word it’s in every sentence he says for the next week or so

Ate candle wax for a dare once

Doesn’t know how to tie a tie and will probably never learn

Wanted to do ballet at one point but decided not to

He has eaten multiple flowers for absolutely no reason other than wanting to know how they taste

Starts vibrating if he’s too excited

Used to bite his nails

ABSOLUTELY DESPISES MUSTARD

Has eaten paper and says it doesn’t taste that bad

Enjoys telling his friends how much they mean to him (this has resulted in Tommy and Wilbur crying on a few seperate occasions)

Spaces out a lot and doesn’t often pay attention to his surroundings

Gets lost inside of Best Buy’s

Likes s’mores but doesn’t properly understand how to make them

Technoblade

Learned to cook purely out of spite and found it’s actually pretty fun

Constantly getting smacked in the face by trees when walking outside

Really likes apple pie

Everytime he looks at potatoes he thinks of all the hours he spent trying to win the potato war

Starts things as a joke and gets too into it

Doesn’t like the taste of most energy drinks

Has rubbed salt and lemon juice into an open wound to just,,see how it felt (he did it once and Hated it but did it again because he forgot what it felt like)

Sometimes hates how quiet he is because everyone he knows is loud and talks over him

Despite how he is portrayed in the Dream SMP, he is extremely loyal to his friends and would kill for them

Over seasons his food because he can’t taste it otherwise

Really good balance

Doesn’t like to wear bright colours, but still enjoys wearing colours

Good at knitting

Quackity

Actually fairly quiet when off camera

Will accidentally use Spanish grammar while speaking English sometimes

Country music confuses him

Doesn’t really like kids but they really like him

Can’t dance

Hardest drugs he’s ever done is second hand smoke from a cigarette and children’s Tylenol

His favourite jolly ranchers are the red and blue ones

He uses lighters as fidget toys basically

Will have a breakdown, take a bubble bath, and call himself the self care king

Dehydrated

Wants a pet rat but he already has a cat and doesn’t wanna risk anything

Constantly questions why his main source of income is playing Minecraft with two 16 year olds

Karl Jacobs

Probably ate a spider once

Would wear those socks that are like gloves for you feet where it separates all the toes

Eats ravioli straight from the can, cold

Can answer an incredibly complex math equation fairly easily but will stumble over 12x11

Loves kids so much and speaks to them in a soft voice

Tried making ramen in a coffee pot and broke it

Drinks 2 monster energy drinks a day on average

Likes to open walnuts with his teeth but doesn’t actually eat them

The embodiment of that one John Maulany joke where he says you could spill soup in his lap and HE’D apologize to YOU

Loves physical affection so so much!!!!

If he moves his wrists in a certain way, they pop Really Loudly

Fantastic at making cookies

Fundy

Lowkey actually a furry but more on like, a cat boy level than fursuit level

Drives a Honda Civic

Likes ABBA

Adds parsley to almost anything he makes food-wise

Loves garlic bread so much, he’d commit a federal crime for it

Middle child vibes

Decent at skiing

Good at singing but isn’t terribly confident

Seems responsible at first glance but in reality he’s pretty chaotic and childish

Bad at spelling

Always cuts his nails way too short so they always feel weird/hurt

Likes bracelets and rings

Thinks pastel colours slap

JSchlatt

Despite the character he plays, he’s actually really sweet

He’s genuinely that cryptic off camera as he is on camera

Can cook but chooses not to most of the time

Would probably say “what pussy size you wear” to anyone who asks him to buy pads

Not actually as intimidating as he appears to be

Lowkey would fight a child

Shuts down when someone compliments him, often using aggression as a front because holy shit they just called him handsome and kind what the Fuck-

Jokingly says his license is suspended but in all actuality he never got his license in the first place

He has two (2) extra teeth but they don’t need to be removed so he kept them

Has a stick n poke of a stickman on his ankle he got in high school

Likes physics

This is already very long, and I still plan on adding more.

#dream #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #sapnap #mcyt fandom #dream mcyt #mcyt memes #sapnap mcyt #george mcyt #mcytumblr #vibes #more later #i plan on doing every member #don’t worry guys #dream team #dream smp #mcyt #tommy and tubbo #tommy mcyt #tubbo #wilbur soot #tommy and wilbur #wilbur soot mcyt #dreamnotfound #jschlatt #schlatt #quakity #quackity #Technoblade #technoblade mcyt

[ff-imagines]

tofu mother! i’m so happy you’re back! i can’t wait to see you talk/write about dumb tofu men some more! uhh, it seems requests are open! if you wouldn’t mind, uhhhh, sweet tofu nsfw alphabet, please? thank you!

Sweet tofu: nsfw alphabet

Holy shit, I haven’t done sweet, have I? I am such a bad horny tofu stan please forgive me 😢

A - aftercare

Very good. He’s always pretty overbearing doting and that trait will be cranked up to an 11. He gets you whatever you need, but desperately wants to stay with you for at least a few hours afterwards. He wants to know how you feel, and he loves to see the spectrum of your emotions, he’d never tell you he secretly wants to know you enjoyed it. Your approval hits a certain twinge in his chest.

B - body part

Of his own, probably his eyes, and his fingers. He takes great care in his nails, manicures are essential for him to feel clean.

Of yours, he loves your chest. Not exactly the tiddy tho lmao. A strange thing to like but he likes how comfy it is to rest his cheek on your chest and lightly trace your collar bones. He’s really comforted in hearing your heartbeat.

He likes your thighs for the same reason, they’re a good pillow. Thighs are also soft, which means easier hickies~

C - cum

There’s…. lots of it. He recovers fast, and will sometimes overwhelm you with cum. it’s kinda fucking endless honestly. Will cum legit anywhere you ask, sometimes will be bratty and cum anywhere but where you want. Loves to cum on you, it makes him feel more possessive.

D - dirty secret

This man has no secrets when it comes to sex. He’s up front, and he’s very open about being into almost everything you can think of. One thing he’d rather not let anyone but you know is that his hips, collar bones, and wrists are really sensitive. If you massage, kiss, or lick over them he loses his composure very quickly.

His favorite spot to be kissed is the vertebrae on the back of his neck, and he’ll be a tad more intimate if you lightly scratch the back of his neck and the hair on the base of his skull.

E - experience

moderate. He’s a creepy looking dude, but it’s fairly easy for him to find entertainment for when staying home gets a bit boring. We know from salty's backstory he’d flirted with a woman who came back to talk to him frequently, along with salty mentioning how he’s always been fairly popular.

“Hehehe, I know what I’m doing kitten. My question is, do you know what I’m going to do?”

F - favorite position

Seriously, what doesn’t he like..?

I think positions where he can see your face is his favorite, most likely loves to put you on his lap so he can watch you desperately grind on him while wrinkling your nose in the most adorable way~

G - goofy

To a degree. I feel he’s goofy in initiating but less goofy as time goes on. He still teases though and sometimes he manages to crack a smile out of you in even the most strangest and awkward positions. He'll never tell you but he loves that he can make you laugh, even when you’re in the most intimate and private state possible.

H- hair

Slightly groomed, but not extensively. Sometimes he has weeks where ofc he’ll shower but doesn’t really want to shave so you’ll have to remind him. Or don’t, if that’s your thing.

I- intimacy

Very but also not always.

He can be so fucking intense, refusing to let you look anywhere but at his face so you can see how hard it is for him to keep his control, watch him this time, let it be known how much he adores seeing your body scream and twitch for his touch.

On the other hand, he might rile you up just to leave you squirming for hours.

Depends on how nice he’s feeling~

“Fuck, no. Look at me. Look. At me. You did this, you fucking did this, look. At. Me. You’re gonna watch me while I fuck you, eyes. On. Me.”

J- jerk off

Not too often? He just prefers the real thing. 1-2 times a week. When you started to catch his interest, he stopped completely for a while, giving his full attention to you, even before confessing his interest in you. It’s more out of him trying to gauge who you are and if he’s actually interested or just entertained by you. When he figured out it was actual interest though? Prolly jumped up to 3-4 times a week due to feeling a growing desperation because of his feelings.

K- Kinks

...All of them.

Most of his favorites are the darker side of BDSM, light blood play (mostly prefers he’s the one bleeding), intense sadomasochism (doesn’t matter who’s who), primal, heavy bondage, breath play, and especially role play. He’s just… really obsessed with putting you in strange situations in order to learn all he can about how you tick.

“So so adorable, but I wonder how you look when you’re in pain~”

L- location

Again, either the place he knows your most comfortable, or the place he knows you’re the least comfortable. He wants to see you squirm as the brick of the alleyway he’s pinned you against rubs into your skin brutally just as much as he loves to see your hands grasp the soft blankets of your warm bed.

M- motivation

When you do something really innocent. The happier you look the more he wants to absolutely corrupt and ruin you.

“Look at you, you’re so precious all wrapped up in these blankets, would you mind if interupted, just for a little bit?”

N- no

I feel he also doesn’t actually like daddy kinks. He’s… got some issues with the man he viewed as his father so if you want to call him something, just don’t make it daddy.

O- oral

God does he love biting your inner thighs and watching you twitch.

He appreciates oral, but being able to make your skin crawl is much more pleasing to him. Might give you oral right after fucking you just to watch you squirm in overstimulation.

“Hehe, I see the bruise from last time is faded… I wonder if I can make a new one that will last just a bit longer~”

P- pace

Depends if he’s playing a bratty role or a more intense one. No matter his pace, he’s gonna stop in the middle and just watch you cry in frustration at his teasing. This man is patient so good luck lmao

Q- quickies

Not… exactly? He loves to tease, so he’d most likely get you incredibly worked up and then leave. Would definitely grope you at a dinner table then right as your getting close leave the room entirely lmao

As for actually quick fucking you, if you beg nicely, he’d most likely give you whatever you wanted no matter what lmao.

R- risk

Wouldn’t full out fuck you in public but.. again…. if he gets to see the embarrassment on your face while he finger fucks you under the table? Now that’s the good shit.

“Stay still, you’re squirming. You’re gonna give us away if you keep moving, you wouldn’t want that would you?”

S- stamina

Ridiculous. Mainly because he pulls some strings and uses his powers as a healer to recover his own energy. What a bastard.

T- toys

He owns a few. Most are restrictive, like handcuffs, rope, etc. might get a vibrator just to tie you down and make you cry and beg him to turn it off after overstimulating you for what feels like hours.

U- unfair

Y E A. Prolly the worst teaser you’ll ever encounter in your entire fucking life. He wants to see you cry from frustration and then hear your screams when he fucks you so hard it makes you cry all over again.

Then he stops, giggles, and goes back to teasing again.

“Kitty, come on, you can take just one more, cant you? For me?”

V- volume

Talks a lot. And it’s not that he’s “loud”, he just moans a lot. His voice is naturally pretty quiet though. Lots and lots of low groaning. During and after cumming he’s quieter, giving out a low hum while breathing slowly trying to regain his composure.

W- wild card

There is no mention that his hair is dyed, so I’m making the head canon that his natural hair is two tone and that his fuckin body hair is duel colored.

X- X Ray

Like I said, I will go down with the hc his body hair is duel colored like his hair. Mans got white and brown pubes I don’t make the rules.

As for size he’s actually on the smaller/average size, solid 5 inches.

Y- yearning

When you’re down, he is. If he hasn’t seen you in a long time he’s gonna be more grabby. He actually isn’t easy to make that jealous because he’s very confident in your loyalty, you’re willing to stick with him this long so… why worry?

Z- zzz

Lmaoooo? sleep?? Who’s that? Don’t know her. Thinks you’re adorable when you fall asleep though. Likes to study your face while sleeping and will gently coo and let your hair if he notices your face starts twitching because of something like a nightmare. Might peel back the blankets a bit to further… “observe”. And he wonders why you keep waking up freezing.

“Awe, out so quick kitty? Hm, you are cute like this. Wonder if you’ll look cuter when you’re having a nightmare…”

#food fantasy #food fantasy x reader #sweet tofu #ff sweet tofu #ff sweet tofu x reader #sweet tofu x reader

[souprights]

DIY for Transmasc Minors/Those still living with unsupportive family

For context, I'm just turned 17, still living with my parents and live in the USA. This is just my experience! It may not be the best/easiest way to go about DIYing. I'm going to do my best to make this as comprehensive as possible, and please let me know if anything if incorrect or if I should add anything.

Firstly, if you're under the age of 16, I don't recommend this at all!! DIY should be a last-ditch effort, after you've tried all else. Please seek therapy, a supportive friend group, and a good community before turning to illegal means, because, yes, purchasing and being in possession of T without a script is illegal.

What's it Gonna Cost?

For cost, you're going to need about $60 - $115 of reliable income a month. Depending on the site you use, and how many millilitres of (injectable) T you purchase, that's going to vary, but $60 is the typical minimum I can find. Don't forget shipping is going to be around $15-30.

This only includes the T!! Don't forget you're going to need needles, bandaids, and alcohol swabs if you're injecting, as well as blood tests.

What Kind of T?

Whether you use gel or injections is entirely up to you and your comfort. However, please avoid orals! Those are just gonna wreck your liver, no matter how painlessly tempting they may be.

Gels run more expensive, but with injectable, there's extra purchases/packages to be had.

Hang On, Blood Tests?

To make sure your levels are in a safe/normal range, you're going to need a blood test. If possible, look for Quest or LabCorp-esque places to get proper bloods done. I was too nervous to do that, given how closely my parents track my every move while I'm not at home, so settle for finger prick at-home tests if necessary. Unless the site advertises Discreet Packaging, I highly recommend having these sent to a friend and picking them up at school/when hanging out.

Do one before starting T, one at Month One, Two and Three, respectively. Based on your levels, adjust or figure out your dose. If everything is typical at Month Three, you don't have to test again till Month Six. After that, check at your One Year mark, then yearly thereafter.

Where/How Do I Get All This?

eroids.com is the first place I turn to when looking for places to order T. You can read reviews for each site listed, and get an average rating from people who've used the sites. If you want to go for gels, I suggest poking around Reddit and finding other people who've DIYed with gel, and asking them for their opinions and recommendations. Make an informed decision no matter what you choose, and spend PLENTY of time researching.

For needles, bandaids, and alcohol swabs I honestly just use Amazon. MAKE SURE you mark your order as a gift, or else you're probably going to run into the issue of the packaging being marked with "medical supplies." Imagine your overbearing parents seeing that and ripping open your package, and immediately assuming you're spending your days in back alleys shooting up. Not fun. Take my word, and learn from my mistake.

As for bloods, just poke around till you find a test that takes your free T and total T both, or go somewhere and have it done proper.

Now, you might try using a PO box to not worry about your family seeing any packages arriving, or having it sent to a friend with more relaxed/accepting parents. Later in the year (when I'm doing this) using the approaching gift-giving holidays to keep people out of your parcels might be plausible. Or maybe your family doesn't care. Ultimately, imagine the worst case scenario and judge what to do knowing your own situation.

Okay, But....Bitcoin

Ah, yes. Daunting, tricky Bitcoin. Majority of sites only accept Bitcoin as payment. But I swear it's not as bad or hard as it sounds. Your first issue is honestly going to be finding somewhere that doesn't require you to be 18+ to purchase it. Now, don't worry too much. For me, I got my older sister to put in all her details, and I just used my money to make purchases. You can do the same with an 18+ friend, relative, or relative of a friend's. Or, send an 18+ friend's CashApp the money necessary to make a Bitcoin purchase and transfer for you.

Now, my first order of T was only about $60, with shipping and everything, since I only bought 4ml total to begin with. If you buy a bigger vial, it's going to cost more. $60 was as much as I could spend without making my parents suspicious (they keep an eye on my bank account), so if you have a similar problem or a smaller spending threshold of concern, don't worry. Just spend your max threshold on buying Bitcoin as often as you can. The Bitcoin will be stored for you to compile and use later. Keep in mind its value may go down, so buy a bit extra if you're saving up over time.

I use an app called Edge to handle all my Bitcoin transactions. It's simple, easy, and you can use a card, a direct bank transfer, Apple Pay or Cash (if there's a Bitcoin ATM near you--no worries, there's a handy map in the app itself to lead you to the nearest one of those). I used Apple Pay, so unfortunately, I can't help with any other methods than that. You can also use CashApp, but Edge's verification went much much faster, and I was not in the mood to wait a few extra days.

There's going to be a fee, usually outlined before you select your payment type. I included that in the cost of the T above, which might be more or less.

And lastly, it's not instant. It usually takes a few hours, but if it's more than a few days, reach out to customer support.

Each site lists instructions with how to send payment once ordered. Just follow their instructions, and talk to them if you have any trouble. They're usually more than happy to help you send them money.

So I've ordered my T

Shipping times are going to vary!! Keep this in mind. If you used eroids, users typically include shipping time in their reviews. This may influence which site you pick. Domestic sites tend to have faster shipping and don't risk customs seizing your pack--if customs seizes a pack with an illegal substance, you're going to get a letter. That's pretty hard to find an excuse out of, way closer to impossible.

Typical processing times are 2-5 days, but may vary a little, depending on things that may include a lovely little pandemic. Shipping is typically 1-2 weeks for domestic sites, 3-5 weeks for international. Shipping prices tend not to vary much, however, no matter where the warehouse is.

Hiding Changes

This is going to be the tricky part. I've known some people to only go on T for three months or so, as to get some changes to reduce dysphoria, but not have family members notice. If you spend a lot of time around family, the changes are gradual and they might not notice. But keep your own safety in mind above all else. What's the worst that's going to happen if your family confronts you over your changes? How long will you be able to write off your voice as "a cold" before someone wises up? How much longer are you going to be staying with your family?

I'm out to my unsupportive family, so despite being discouraged from any transition of any sort, any and all voice changes I'm writing off as voice training. Facial hair? Minoxidil. More muscle? I've been working out. These may or may not be things you can use, so consider carefully.

Aside from your voice and facial hair, there won't be anything too difficult to hide or write off. Shave your facial hair away as soon as you get up if it develops/needs to be hidden. Consider and compile a list of excuses as to why your voice is changing in case of questions.

Hiding Supplies

This is going to depend a lot on your house and situation. Do you have animals, parents or siblings who invade your spaces and find your hidey holes? A piece of advice I read in an MtF guide to DIY is to hide something you won't get in trouble for where you plan on hiding your hormones, and see if anyone finds it over a few weeks. Repeat until somewhere safe is scouted.

I have small cardboard boxes I keep under my bed, in a cabinet I have in my room, and on my desk. Only bandaids are kept on the box on my desk. But the other places I hide things have an equal distribution of my supplies, so even if someone finds one box, I'll be able to continue HRT.

Try to keep your T much better hidden than other supplies. I'm in an arts-focused degree in college, and a very artistic person, so I've managed to write off needles and syringes as pieces to build a 3D art project for a portfolio. Try to find an excuse to use if your needles are found. Maybe the art thing works for you, maybe not.

Consider taking precautionary measures of removing/covering labels of your T if you're using an injectable kind. You might be able to get away with calling it a prop of some kind, for a TikTok video or something if it's found.

Disposing of Needles/Wrappers/Etc

Alright, so you've done your first shot of T, or applied your first gel packet. Congrats! Now, how to hide the evidence? Firstly, for gels, it won't be too difficult. Just use a plastic grocery bag and fill it with other miscellaneous rubbish and mix the wrappers in with that. Toss the tied bag in your own bin, or a neighbour's bin if that's safer. If that's not possible, do so at school.

Needles are a more tricky circumstance. If you're able to purchase and safely dispose a sharps bin, 100% do that. If you're in a place like me and that's not possible, go and buy some soda with twist-top lids, or get them from friends. Once the bottle is empty, you can toss needles into there. In my experience, 1ml syringes and the small needles used for T injections fit in these 500ml bottles no issue. I throw these sealed bottles in the bin once they're full. I know this isn't proper disposable, but I'm unable to get a sharps bin.

Never throw exposed needles into the bin, or leave them somewhere anyone or anything could possibly be exposed to them.

For T bottles, I've only ever found one site that sells it in containers smaller than 10ml. I'm not sure if the 10ml bottles would fit into the soda bottles or not, so follow the same procedure as disposing of gel wrappers. If that's not possible, use a sharp knife to cut open your soda bottle at the widest part and put the bottle in there, before using a strong adhesive tape (not scotch tape--duct tape or something similar) to seal the incision before disposing of it.

In Conclusion

I've left out a list of the changes T causes, and starting doses, because those are all easy things to find, which you probably know already. Regardless of what this small guide says, please keep your own safety in mind and do as much research as possible before moving forward with DIY, and know that I'm no kind of professional, and all this is based off my tiny bit of experience.

As of the original posting of this, I haven't yet started T. I'm going to start in about two weeks, however, and have gathered everything necessary. I may update this guide further as I take T.

#ftm #trans #ftm minor #t #testosterone #transition #reblog

[fukindork]

Blood On The Table

Read on AO3 <--- Check for TW

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Chapter 2 Word Count: 5410

   Quirks and Flashbacks

Today was the day! Patton was being hired at the library to work. It’s supposed to be a temporary job but it does pay pretty well since it’s such a high end library, so who knows how long he’ll work here? He walked in to meet the man that hired him, a man wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket over a shirt that just said “Sleep” in bold letters, holding a cup of starbucks iced coffee. It was about 10am so it was appropriate, Patton supposed. He walked up to the other man, who was about 3 inches taller than him, “Hi! Are you Remy?” he asked.

Remy looked up from his phone and took a sip of his coffee, “Yeah…” he looked Patton up and down, “You must be Patton. Come with me,” he turned around and walked behind the counter and into a back room. There sat a figure that was deep into a thick book on psychology, “You are being trained to be my replacement.” Remy spoke again, “So…. he’s basically your manager for now…. but I’m the one that hired you and is your boss.” he shrugged. He walked over and tapped the other man on the shoulder, “Hey Poindexter, the new guy is here.” he told him before just, leaving. 

The man sighed, closing his book with one hand and setting it down. He adjusted his glasses and stood up, Patton stared as he just kind of… kept going as he stood up. Once he was up straight he adjusted his tie and looked Patton over, “Alright.” he sighed in slight annoyance, “I suppose I will show you the basics. Remille did not inform me of the new employee so I apologize, I would have been more prepared.” He stood a full foot taller than Patton, who was already slightly taller than average, because he was already 5’7”, he only went up to his shoulder!

“So.” Patton started, looking up at the other, “Since we’ll be working together. What’s your name? I’m Patton.” he held out his hand to the much taller man.

The other man ran a hand through his perfectly in place hair and took Patton’s hand, “Logan.” he said simply, shaking Patton’s hand once before pulling away. He stepped towards the door and looked back to Patton, “Come along. I shall show you now what your basic job is.” he told him as he walked out of the back room. 

Patton grinned, skipping behind Logan. The next hour was spent with Logan showing Patton how checking in and out worked, how to clean everything, and taking around books to put them away. Basic stuff, when Logan finished explaining he went to a cart of books that were already organized, picking up a small stack of them, which was about 3 books, “These books need to be put away in their proper places. If you are aware of how the Dewey Decimal system works. A majority of these go into the nonfiction and they are quite heavy so no need to push yourself-”

Patton easily picked up about 7 of the heavy books, smiling at Logan. He noticed the other man had stopped talking and blinked, “Logan? Is something wrong?” he tilted his head in confusion.

Logan stared at Patton with apparent shock. But after a moment he shook his head, “Are you able to carry those? I cannot even carry 5 of them myself.” he stepped closer, inspecting Patton and tilting his head, “You don’t seem to be struggling at all.” he mumbled.

The shorter man just laughed, “Oh, right. I’m not sure where it comes from. But I’ve always been really strong. I work out on the weekends with a friend of mine, but yeah, I can’t really explain it.” he shrugged. 

Logan seemed amazed and stared at Patton, “You…. but-” he really seemed to be confused and unable to wrap his head around it. He shook his head again to sort of gather his thoughts, his face dropping back to emotionless, “I’ll ask about it more when we are not working.” he stepped back, explaining where the different sections of nonfiction were, “That should be easy enough for you.” 

Patton nodded, “Okay! Should I put away all the books on the cart?” he asked, still grinning at Logan.

Logan turned to him and nodded once, “I will also be doing so, once we are both finished you may go into the back for further instructions.” 

Patton nodded and skipped off with his heavy set of books, he noticed that while he was putting away the books, Logan was watching him. Why was he so interested in him? Maybe it’s because it’s his first day, yeah that’s probably it. Logan just wanted to make sure that he was doing everything right. Patton hoped he was anyway, since Logan hadn’t approached him yet. 

It didn’t take long for Patton to finish off the cart. Logan did help, but he mostly just watched Patton. And he knew that, Patton had noticed that his coworker had done only about 5 books off of the cart when Patton had done a lot more. Not that he minded, this was clearly the easy part of the job.

Once he was finished he approached the empty cart and looked back to try and find Logan. Only to be met with the unbelievably tall figure looming above him and standing at the cart. He was rather intimidating because his face almost never changed from the resting position. Patton just had to wonder about him, though they really hadn’t known each other for long, since they had only met about an hour and a half ago. Logan did have his curious look in his eyes as he scanned Patton, he didn’t mind, but what could Logan be thinking about? 

~~~~~~

It had been 2 months since Logan and Patton met. Patton had noticed a lot of little things about Logan, like that he read a lot of books on humans. Psychology, anatomy, and the like. It was strange to him. Logan had revealed that he had a doctorate in medical school and was currently working on one for psychology, so why was he working at a library? Patton asked a lot of questions, and occasionally he asked too many and he would get The Glare. Those were the times where he would stop talking to Logan for at least 30 minutes. Though it was pretty easy to do now that Logan constantly busied him with work or a book to read.

Today Patton wanted to see if his coworker was free to hang out outside of work. Maybe they could watch a movie together and debate about it. That was another thing that Logan loved to do, debate with others. But Patton loved it, he loved listening to the little debates Logan had with other people. Most of the time they were done just for fun, though on occasion Logan may have gotten a little too heated during some more….. Political debates. To the point where Patton had to pull him away before he killed someone. Figuratively of course, as Logan would specify. Although they were useful sometimes, it was how Patton figured out Logan liked guys as much as he did after all.

Though it was good that Patton did pull him away, Logan was very tall. So if he stood up to try and win an argument he probably would just because his height can be intimidating. Patton had just pulled Logan away from one of those arguments and were now sitting in the back. 

Patton handed Logan one of his home made ginger snaps that he had brought to the library to feed the other with, but he mostly ate them himself. Logan did take the cookie though, which made Patton smile. Logan didn’t usually take his treats, “Thank you Patton. It is very kind of you to provide sugary sweets for me so often, even if I rarely take any when offered.” he took a small bite of it, there was no reaction from him, but it wasn’t negative. So that was good enough for Patton. 

He grabbed the book Logan had been reading before and set it down in front of him, as well as the paper plate of cookies. He gently pat Logan’s shoulder and walked to the front to help out customers. Patton decided to leave Logan alone while he cleaned things up and helped out with the people. 

Patton had also started a sort of trend in the library where every Wednesday he would go to the kid’s section at 4:30 and read whoever was there a book of some sort. And today happened to be Wednesday at 4:23. So Patton went to the kid’s section and picked out a book, sat down, and waited for all of the children and their parents to come and sit down, he did have signs up of course, how else are people going to know about his reading time? 

After reading to the kids for about half an hour Patton waved goodbye to them and watched as their parents dragged them off to go home. He sighed happily and stood up to go to the back and check on Logan. 

Logan had finished his cookie and was just reading his book now. He was silent and still until he would turn the page. Patton smiled as he watched for only a few seconds. He couldn’t deny that he was attracted to the other man. He liked his height especially, when he occasionally was allowed to hug Logan, he liked that he was able to wrap his arms around Logan’s limber figure and basically lay his head onto his shoulder since he was just tall enough to do so. Logan hardly hugged him back but when he did it was always just a small pat on the back. And that was good enough for Patton.  

“Hey Logan?” Patton asked, sort of studying Logan’s figure now. Noticing how Logan was never hunched over as he read, keeping his already perfectly ironed clothes in the same array. His dark brown hair was a similar story, shaved on the sides and leaving a large section in the middle long that Logan constantly had slicked back. How often did Logan go to the barber? His hair always stayed very short. His face also was very clean and professional, he almost never had any scruff. Patton appreciated that Logan always kept so clean like that, it made him happy. 

Logan then looked up at Patton, peering through his square, black, thick rimmed glasses with his deep blue eyes that hardly ever held any emotion, “Yes Patton?” he asked, arching an eyebrow, clearly awaiting the answer from his coworker. 

Patton took a full second to answer Logan, since he was a bit busy admiring Logan’s angular figure, basically everything about him had some kind of angle and sharpness to it. His jaw made his face a good square shape, and his nose was long and thin, pairing with his high cheekbones and hooded almond eye shape.

He quickly blinked and realized that Logan had answered him, “Ah, Logan I wanted to know if you wanted to possibly visit my house with me tonight after work?” he asked, “I was thinking we could watch a movie… Or bake something together.” he shrugged, desperately hoping that Logan wouldn’t be offended or anything, “Just doing things that isn’t work.” 

Logan closed his book and looked Patton over, evidently thinking about it. After a moment he looked Patton in the face, “Alright, I am willing to visit your household. After work you say?” 

Patton grinned, he nodded excitedly, “Yeah. And since today we close early there will be more time to hang out!” he gave a thumbs up before walking in, taking a cookie, and leaving quickly to get back to work. Patton bounced with excitement as he continued working the rest of the day.

They closed at around 7 that night. Logan cleaned the front of the library while Patton cleaned the back. It wasn’t a very big library so it was easy for the both of them to clean within an hour. Once Patton had finished he went into the back to make sure nothing else needed to be done, grabbed his cookie plate, turned off the lights, and went back to Logan, who was waiting by the front door, “Everything seems to be in order!” he grinned.

Logan nodded, walking out of the library and waiting for Patton to step out before locking the door, “Alright. Shall I bring my own car?” he asked.

Patton nodded, “I might not be awake enough to get you home by the end of the night,” he laughed a little bit.

Logan nodded slowly, “Alright, I suppose I will follow after you as we drive our vehicles to your home.” 

Patton nodded again, walking to his car and getting in. He started up his car and drove out of the parking lot, watching as Logan’s car followed him. It took only about 20 minutes to get to Patton’s small house. Both pulled up to the house, Logan parking before Patton and waiting by his car for a signal from the other to come inside. 

Once parked, Patton ran over and grabbed Logan’s arm, “So what do you want to do?” he asked as he dragged Logan inside, rambling about something or another while he unlocked the door, “What kind of movies do you like?” he asked as he let Logan go once they were inside.

Logan shrugged, “Oh I normally watch documentaries. Most fictional stories have too many inconsistencies and punctures in the plot.” he explained simply.

Patton had to take a moment to understand, “Oh. Okay.” he waved Logan over to his living room and sat on the couch. He patted the cushion beside him, grinning as Logan walked over and sat down, “So then what kind of thing should we watch? I’m sure you can get me interested in anything!” he bounced a little, picking up a remote and flicking through one of his streaming services.

He offered Logan the remote to find something, which the other did take. He found an ocean documentary and clicked on that, letting it play. While watching it, Patton would occasionally ask questions that Logan easily answered. Patton didn’t entirely know if Logan normally watched stuff like this, since he seemed to always be reading things about the human body or mind. Yet Logan obviously had seen this documentary, so maybe Logan just had lots of interests. 

The two of them talked and watched the documentary until it ended. Logan hadn’t moved other than crossing his legs about halfway through the film. Once it was over Patton looked over to Logan, “So how do you feel about me picking a movie?” he asked.

Logan handed him the remote, “Here you go, I hope you don’t mind, but I have a bit of a habit of talking over films, especially if they are fictional.” he explained. 

Patton grinned, “Then I’ll find a movie that we’ve both seen. And we can talk about it.” he found some old disney movie and turned it on. They spent the rest of the night watching and discussing movies, Patton certainly enjoyed it. He couldn’t tell if Logan was as well, but it was nearly 1am now, and Logan surely had to get home. 

“That was fun!” Patton grinned as he turned the tv off, “I guess maybe you should go home now. Maybe next time we can bake some-” he froze, “I-If there is a next time.” he coughed a little.

Logan rolled his eyes, “Patton, I enjoyed this experience. And I am perfectly willing to spend time outside of work with you again.” 

Patton’s eyes lit up, “Really!?” he shouted, running over and bouncing in front of Logan, swallowing his pride for the moment, “Do…. Do you think I could hug you?” he asked softly, his eyes basically star shaped as he looked up at Logan.

Logan looked Patton over and sighed in defeat, “Yes Patton. You may hug me.” he lifted his arms for the other to hug him easier. 

Patton squeaked excitedly and nearly barreled Logan over with a bone crushing hug. Logan gasped in slight pain and the sudden inability to breathe. Patton hugged him tightly, lifting Logan up a little before putting him back down. 

Logan widened his eyes and gently pat Patton’s shoulder, to which Patton set him down, hugging him for only a second longer. But he did feel a small pat on his back from the other just before he let go. He grinned up to Logan, “Thanks.” 

Logan nodded and stepped back, “Try to refrain from constricting me so tightly next time.” he adjusted his tie and glasses, “Although it did feel… cordial.” he opened the door, “I shall see you tomorrow at the library. Have a pleasant night Patton.” he waved once as he stepped out the door and closed it behind him.

Patton watched Logan leave and nearly squealed, he got himself ready for bed and fell asleep thinking about Logan, completely unaware of what the other man was doing in his spare time once he was home.

~~~~~~

3 years after meeting, Logan and Patton had grown to become good friends, Patton adored Logan, he might even say he was totally in love with him. He loved the way Logan looked, acted, and generally just everything about Logan. It may have gotten to the point where it was quite obvious to everyone around him, though he wasn’t sure if Logan knew. 

Today he may or may not have been staring at Logan with a loving expression that was just so obvious to literally everyone but Logan. As apathetic and unknowing of emotions he was, Logan was incredibly intelligent, but he was dense. One would think he’d have at least said something about the way Patton acted by now. Or really even noticed.

Patton was sitting at the front by the computers so he could check out people’s books, luckily almost no one came up to the front while he hopelessly stared at Logan with a lovesick smile on his face. Hearts basically radiating off of him.

Suddenly, a man walked up and set a book in front of Patton, “What are you smiling at?” he asked with a sneer, he was checking out some religious book.

Patton looked over, “Oh, heh, just my coworker.” he rubbed his neck, slightly embarrassed as he took the book and scanned it, “Alright can I have your library card?” he asked.

The man had looked back at Logan and frowned deeper when he looked back to Patton, throwing the card onto the counter, “Try not to get it dirty,” then the man used a very vulgar slur to call Patton, to which a few other customers nearby gasped at. 

Patton blinked in surprise, “O-oh. Well I will certainly do my best.” he scanned the card to check out the book for the man, trying to be quick about it and not show his clear discomfort, that he did ultimately fail at.

“Aw what? Did I hurt your feelings?” the rude man laughed, “Too bad, you’ll just have to deal with it, this whole gay thing will go away eventually. It’s so new that all of you people will die out and the world will go back to being the way it’s supposed to be.” he took the library card and leaned on the counter, “Besides, you’ll probably die of AIDS anyway-” 

That was the moment a shout could be heard from the background, “FALSEHOOD!” came the shout and the man immediately stopped talking to turn around. 

Logan walked over, firing rage burning in his eyes, and even though the man was of a tall height, Logan still loomed over him. His eyes practically glowing with rage, “Everything you just said is not only untrue, but incredibly disrespectful to my coworker.” his voice was monotone still, but just teetering on screaming at the other man.

The man was slightly intimidated, but he just smirked, “Oh yeah? Prove it.” he said simply.

That was in fact, a mistake. Because Logan just started running his mouth about all the details about history and such, even going as far as to pull out his notepad and write down a list of history books and hand it to the other man, “If you are going to be, as some would put it, an asshole. Then I would suggest that you take the time to do some research about it before saying anything.” 

The man was absolutely stunned by Logan, but he just took the list and ripped it in half, “Oh come on, you really think I’m going to believe you?” he raised an arm to punch Logan but he just caught it before it could make any contact with him.

“Please. You lot of people are so unnecessarily violent.” Logan shook his head, “I may be trained in some martial arts,” he pinned the fist to the counter, “But I will not waste them on someone like you. I am not going to stand for this type of behavior in a library where there are children around.” he growled. 

He leaned closer to the other man, whispering something to him that Patton couldn’t hear, but he did see the man pale and step away. He grabbed both the book and his card before turning and running out of the library. 

Logan turned to Patton, “Are you alright? I understand that those kinds of insults can be infuriating,” he was sort of trying to comfort Patton, but being the mostly apathetic man he is, he really wasn’t good at it. 

Patton knew he was trying, he nodded, “Yeah….. It happens plenty.” he stood up and took a deep breath, he had never seen Logan get so heated, it was nearly to the point where Patton was about to pull him away, but Logan had solved the ordeal himself. 

Logan stepped behind the counter and into the back room, gesturing for Patton to come in. Patton looked to the other people and they nodded for him to go. So he went into the back to see Logan standing there, “Are you sure you’re alright Patton?” he asked, almost stern.

Patton widened his eyes, “What? Logan I’m…..” he felt a lump in his throat form and tears unintentionally form. He looked away from the other, not wanting to show Logan how he felt, “I’m fine….” his voice broke and he sniffled. 

Logan bit his lip as he watched Patton break down. He sighed heavily and walked over, and hugged him. Actually hugged him. It wasn’t a small pat like he normally hugged the other, and it wasn’t a bear hug like Patton’s was to him most of the time. It was just a gentle pressure. Patton widened his eyes and stood there, held against Logan, frozen in place.

“Studies point out that this amount of pressure is optimal in these situations to give comfort and stability to someone that happens to be in need of it.” he mumbled softly. Patton just laughed as tears ran down his face. He hugged Logan back tightly. He let the tears fall, and he slightly wet Logan’s shirt because of it, but it was on the shoulder so it wouldn’t be that noticeable to anyone else.

Patton cried for a while, otherwise the two of them were silent. Logan pulled away from Patton slightly and Patton let him, raising his hands to his face to try and wipe his tears. 

Logan stopped him by grabbing one of his wrists, “Do not subject your face to whatever has been on your hands, it could make you ill.” he pulled back and grabbed a tissue box and had Patton sit down, he pulled a tissue from the box and wiped his face with it, “Now. Do you feel better after releasing the overload of chemicals?” he asked, of course using pretentious language like the smartass he was. 

But Patton still smiled and nodded, “Yeah…. Yeah I do.” he swallowed the lump in his throat and sniffled, taking another tissue from the box Logan was still holding and wiping his face off some more, “Okay…. I’m okay now. Thank you…” he took a deep breath and let it out, it was still shaky but he did feel better, “You’ve never hugged me like that before.” he laughed softly. 

Logan shrugged, hardly any emotion on his face as usual, “I am aware. But I wanted to make sure you did not…. Repress your feelings, as that would be bad for both your physical and mental health.” he explained, standing back up properly, “I will allow you to go home early for the day, it hasn’t been busy so I can do the cleaning myself after close.”

Patton knew that if he refused Logan wouldn’t let him do anything anyway, so he nodded, “Okay.” he stood up and gathered his things, “Thank you again, you really helped me.”

 Logan shook his head, “No need to mention it Patton. Now go home.” he gently pat his shoulder. Patton nodded again and left the library to spend some time to himself

Two days after the ordeal a news report came out, and the man from that day had turned up to be missing. Just disappeared off the face of the earth supposedly. Patton watched in confusion, that was strange, what could have happened?

~~~~~~

Skip to nearly 2 years after that, Patton had gotten suspicious of Logan and his hobbies. He sort of always had been but his suspicions were getting less and less strange and more and more believable. And after seeing the keys, Patton knew he had to do something, he needed to check up on Logan without his permission. There might be a problem at home, and Patton wanted nothing more than Logan to be happy. 

Patton had decided to follow Logan home, he had never actually been to his house, he didn’t even know this area that Logan lived in. Logan had always been very secretive about his home life. Patton knew that this might be a bad idea and he would be completely invading Logan’s privacy, but he needed to know what was going on.

He kept his headlights mostly off as he found where Logan’s house was. Secluded out in the woods, away from everyone, Patton knew that Logan liked his alone time but this was to another level.. Patton parked not too far away and made his way to the house. He looked around, it seemed very clean and nice, patches of grass were greener than others, which was strange. Maybe Logan just didn’t have much of a green thumb. 

Patton approached the house slowly, he looked around and observed. It was a nice place, not very large since Logan had mentioned he lived alone, and an older house to be sure. He walked up to the front door and pressed his ear against it, he heard screams and widened his eyes, was Logan okay? It didn’t really sound like Logan, he should probably help right? 

But then he heard Logan’s voice talking. As he continued to listen he heard another voice and then a gunshot. Logan’s voice spoke again and then the screaming from before started up again. Patton sort of recognized the voice that wasn’t Logan’s but he couldn’t place where he knew it.

Patton stepped away from the door, horrified by the things he was hearing. He grabbed the door knob, ready to need to break it open if necessary. But he found that it was unlocked. He gulped and slowly opened the door, it didn’t make a sound. Logan always hated it when something like this squeaked so it was understandable. 

As he stepped in he noticed that Logan’s house was clean, but then there was a large patch of blood on the carpet, dried of course. And there was a baseball bat with more dried blood. As he looked around more, Patton saw the feet of another person and walked over to inspect them, they were definitely unconscious but at least they were breathing. Blood pooled under the other man signifying a horrid wound

Patton could hear the muffled screaming from the room that the wounded man was in front of. He slowly leaned over the unconscious man, barely leaning in far enough to see inside, once he saw what was going on, he had to keep himself from gasping.

Logan was covered in blood, bent over someone, holding a large knife and slicing into their body, and not only that, the person was alive. 

Patton stepped back, covering his mouth in fear. Before he could think about anything else, his fight or flight response kicked in. He turned around, moving to the feet of the body on the ground and pulling him out of the way, thinking about what he was gonna do. He then saw one of Logan’s ties on the couch near the door, he grabbed it. He slowly picked up the unconscious man and walked out to his car, grateful that he was as strong as he was. He saw the bullet wound and bit his lip. 

How could Logan do this? He was trying to kill people? He looked over the man and realized that he had seen that he was missing on the news, and he remembered that his name was Roman Green. Patton had seen that he was supposed to be in a play in the local theater. How many other people had Logan kidnapped? 

He brought Roman out to his car as quickly and quietly as he could, gently setting him down in the backseat. Now he had to go back for that other man, he couldn’t just leave him.

Patton walked back inside with the tie in hand, slowly walking to the room where the two of them were. It pained Patton to do this, he really did love Logan, but he knew that he had to. He stepped into the room, a finger to his lips as the victim noticed him. And he didn’t know why Logan didn’t notice, but he held up the tie, and grabbed him by the neck, effectively choking him. 

“I’m sorry Logan…” he whispered. Watching the other stumble out of his grip, but Patton was ready and willing to fight him. Logan didn’t attack him, not yet anyway. But Patton wouldn’t give him the chance to. 

He grabbed Logan and pushed him against a wall as hard as he could. Knocking the other man unconscious. He ran over to the man on the table, undoing the restraints with ease, “It’ll be alright kiddo. I’ll get you out.” he told him, “Can you sit up? I already have the other guy in the back of my car.” he told him softly, he hoped that the other hadn’t lost too much blood, he helped him cover up his wound with the cut shirt, gently talking to the other to distract him from the pain.

The slightly taller man was able to sit up, but he was in a lot of pain, “Okay. Let’s get you to a hospital.” Patton told him, gently picking him up and bringing him to his car. He sat him down in the front seat and drove away as fast as he could. He couldn’t let either of these people die on him, he wouldn’t let that happen, he couldn’t let it happen.

What was Patton to do? He should probably call the police, and he planned to, once he was certain that both of the men in his car were safe and at the hospital getting the help they needed.

And he did get them there, making sure that they were okay, he still hadn't called the police. Why didn’t he just do it? Because he loved Logan. But that’s beside the point, Logan was a bad person and needed to be put away for at least attempted murder! 

Patton fought with himself, why was this so hard for him? He ended up not calling the police yet, instead opting to go home. The fact that Logan was doing that to someone was eating away at him, he just wanted to go to bed.

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Persona 4 Golden and the Problem of Appealing to a Wider Audience

I’ve been questioning how to go about writing this essay ever since I first finished Persona 4 Golden back in 2013. When I first finished the game, I came out of it not liking it very much – mechanically, it felt unbalanced; and writing-wise, I found it poorer than its original. My opinions on the game have shifted somewhat since then, helped along by the release of Persona 5 and the realization that many of the game’s mechanics were testbeds for that game. However, with time, I’ve found that I can articulate a lot of the problems Golden has with its writing a lot better. What I’ve ultimately settled on is looking at the Persona 4 we were originally given, then looking at its rerelease, and seeing what changed there and why I didn’t like it. Let’s jump in, shall we?

(Note: There will be complaining about Marie. My opinions on that subject sure as hell haven’t changed in the past seven years. Also, there will obviously be spoilers.)

I. A Brief History of Persona 4 as a Franchise

Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 (later spinoffs would drop the subtitle) released in the west in 2008 as a follow-up to the very strange (at the time) and very niche Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3. Persona 3 was notable for deciding to go for an urban setting, an avant-garde aesthetic, and heavy philosophical themes, something that was rare for RPGs before 2010 (though not for its own franchise). While Persona 4 kept the philosophical focus of Persona 3, it decided to dial back some of the artsier aspects in favor of a more down-to-earth, focused story. Where P3 told a story about the inevitability of death and took place in a very modern Japanese setting, P4 decides to tell a story about the lies we tell ourselves and takes place in a rustic, rural setting.

Some of the first things that Persona 4 tells you after getting to its setting, Inaba, are that the town really only has one tourist attraction, it’s far from anywhere of real note, and its local businesses are all being driven out of business by the construction of a corporate superstore. It’s relatable, particularly to anyone who’s watched their local mom-and-pops go out of business after a Wal-Mart decided to move in.

The tone of this setting permeates through Persona 4 – all of its characters are pretty down-to-earth, and though there’s some cartoonish exaggeration in their writing, they feel more like real people than your average RPG character. Yosuke is the new kid in town who struggles with feelings of inferiority, something that’s not helped by his dad running the superstore that’s driving everyone out of business. Naoto is a girl with aspirations of becoming a detective, but hides her gender out of a belief that if she does so, she’ll be taken more seriously by the male-dominated police force. Even the game’s idol character, Rise, is someone who quit the business because the pressures of the idol industry became too much for her. Most games would take the opportunity to have an idol character written into the cast as an excuse for a pandering song and dance sequence and to play up her “waifu” aspects. Persona 4 spends the first hour after Rise’s introduced having her in and apron and slacks, serving tofu, and dodging paparazzi.

Persona 4 is not perfect in how it approaches its characters – in particular, Kanji and Naoto’s storylines have gotten a deserved level of flack for having essentially written coming-out stories for a gay man and a transman, and then immediately backing off and “no homo”-ing them. There’s a number of Social Links that end with the character deciding to go do the socially acceptable thing for them to do instead of following their own hearts, too – Yukiko’s comes to mind. But the character conflicts and stories told in the game’s Social Links are grounded and relatable.

The grounded-ness of Persona 4 was what really made it stand out in 2009, a time where RPGs and games as a whole were mostly concerned with showing off the cool things they could do with their engines (keep in mind, this was the early era of the PS3, and Persona 4 was a PS2 game). Looking back, it’s easy to realize that Persona 4 was made as grounded and rustic as it was because of budgetary concerns, but what was done with its limited budget was incredible. It looked at its setting and tone and embraced them, and that helped to make the game stronger.

And it worked! Persona 4 was easily Atlus’s biggest success in the PS2 era. Though the game was hard to find in the United States due to its short print run, it was inescapable online, and the early Let’s Play era helped keep it in the public eye. There’s a large number of people in the English fandom who only knew Persona 4 existed back in the day because of the hiimdaisy comic and the Giant Bomb Endurance Run. Meanwhile, the game was huge in Japan and topped sales charts for weeks.

Source: Gamasutra

And then Atlus almost went out of business! Oops!

Here’s what we know about Atlus at the time that Persona 4 came out: it wasn’t doing good. The PS2 Shin Megami Tensei games were all desperate attempts to try and find success, something that Persona director Katsura Hashino has been fairly public about in interviews. Dataminers examining the PS2 SMT games have found evidence that suggests every game was built on top of the previous, with every game using SMT: Nocturne’s models and basic gameplay system until after Persona 4’s release. Persona 3 and Persona 4 are so similar under the hood that model swap mods are everywhere for the two, with literally the only adjustments necessary being a reordering of animations to account for Persona 4 having a guard animation and Persona 3 not.

Persona 4 was a huge hit, but it wasn’t enough to save Atlus. The last games released under an independent Atlus were Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor (one of my personal favorites) and Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey (a massive failure for the company). Following Strange Journey’s release, long-time franchise artist (and, more importantly, producer and creative designer for Strange Journey) Kazuma Kaneko near entirely disappeared from future SMT titles, only credited for writing the scenario concept for SMTIV and as a demon design supervisor for later SMT titles.

Soon after Strange Journey’s failure, Atlus was snatched up by Index Corporation. Very little is known about the internal culture during the Index era, but evidence suggests that it wasn’t great. The first few games Atlus produced after this point were all remakes, save for the strange, marriage-drama focused Catherine, a game that was assuredly in development before Atlus was bought out.

It was the original games and spinoffs that Atlus produced after they were bought by Index that started to show a shift in tone. Devil Survivor 2 is a notably different game than its predecessor (which was made while Atlus was independent). While I won’t get into that too much here (that game’s worth an essay on its own), it decided to trade it’s classical SMT-style aesthetic for something more bombastic and widely-appealing. Many of the characters in that game are better summed up by what anime tropes they appeal to than by their own character arcs, and the game’s plot is an unsubtle ripoff of Neon Genesis Evangelion. And it worked. Devil Survivor 2 very notably sold better than its predecessor despite being a DS game in the 3DS era.

At around the same time as Devil Survivor 2 was released, Atlus was preparing to release the first anime adaptation of Persona 4. Persona 4: The Animation was released in October of 2011, directed by Seiji Kishi (of Angel Beats! fame) and animated by AIC. I’ll leave my thoughts on Seiji Kishi as a director out of this and focus on the content of Persona 4: The Animation instead.

Let’s get one thing out of the way. Persona 4: The Animation is a comedy anime.

The anime is a fairly faithful adaptation of the game in terms of plotline. It follows the game’s story to the letter, hitting every plot beat. When it needs to get serious, it gets serious, and when it nails its emotional beats, it nails them well. While I’ll go on record in saying that I flat out dislike the anime, I won’t deny that certain episodes, like the Nanako arc, are done very well. However, when it doesn’t need to be serious, the anime decides to look at Persona 4’s subtlety in its character arcs, and says, “Subtlety is for cowards.”

There’s an argument to be made that there isn’t time for subtlety in a 24-episode anime, which is why everyone’s character arcs needed to be compressed and character traits shaved down to only the most exaggerated bits. I disagree. You can easily show character without exaggeration in short-form media – the entire short story genre is built off of that exact concept. The decision to shave everyone down to their most basic traits was a decision made to make Persona 4 more accessible to a general anime-watching audience, who likely came in expecting a more action-packed, high energy deal.

And it worked.

For many people, Persona 4: The Animation was their first experience with Persona, period.  The anime was incredibly popular, and it’s clear that at this point, Atlus (or, more likely, Index) realized they’d struck gold. Persona 4: The Animation was the start of a large spate of Persona 4 spinoffs, all of which adopting the character exaggerations of the anime in some form or fashion. Any time you see a scene in a P4 spinoff where Chie’s reduced to her love of meat and kung-fu? Blame the anime. Further original games after this point seemed to take a more mainstream shift as well – Shin Megami Tensei IV and its sequel, Apocalypse, are both very different games than their predecessors, with characters and plotlines seemingly written to appeal to Persona 4’s audience.

Atlus eventually managed to claw their way out from under the hand of Index, mostly because Index got caught up in a huge fraud investigation! Oops! Sega bought a whole bunch of Index at this point, and Atlus has more or less kept on trucking under Sega since. However, the shift in internal priorities hasn’t changed much – Persona 5, while still a good game, is much closer tonally to the games that came out under Index, Shin Megami Tensei V has been AWOL ever since its first preview, and the less said about Catherine Redux, the better.

II. Less is More, and Maybe Inaba Doesn’t Need A Nightclub

Which, after a long detour, brings us back to Persona 4 Golden.

Golden is a remake of Persona 4 with additional content, released for the Playstation Vita (RIP) during the height of its popularity in Japan. Like Persona 3 FES, a previous patch/remake for Persona 3, Golden primarily exists as a gameplay patch to Persona 4 with additional story content in places throughout the game. While most of FES’s additional story was segmented off into the controversial “The Answer” section, Golden’s additional content is peppered haphazardly throughout the game. Because of this integration into the main story, Golden’s issues are more pronounced than FES’s were – in FES, you could just not play “The Answer”. Golden isn’t letting you go home without at least pushing you toward Marie’s dungeon.

Golden feels like it was developed with an understanding that anyone who’s playing it has watched the anime, and decides to lean into chasing that mainstream appeal while also throwing out the intrigue of its plot and setting. This is first evidenced when you boot up the game and watch the opening. While it hits all of the same beats as Persona 4’s opening, Golden’s opening has a much cheerier tune to it, focusing on a dance sequence and colorful visuals instead of the larger tone of the game. It’s not like the Persona 4 opening is completely absent from the game, but you have to go out of your way to watch it, and first impressions are very important.

This change in opening tone is only one example of the general tone of the changes that Golden takes. While there are big issues with the game’s writing (specifically one big one, which, whooo boy, we’ll get to her), most of the issues are in the little things – the new gameplay elements, the new areas you can visit, and the new scenes that were added to the game.

I talked a lot about how important P4’s setting is to its game for a reason: most of Golden’s changes are ones that disrupt the carefully crafted tone and setting of the original game. From things like slice of life scenes about the party buying scooters for themselves, to a winter trip to a ski resort, to a goddamn idol concert on the roof of the supercenter driving everyone out of business, it feels like the game is trying to pull away from its rural setting and down-to-earth tone to appeal to the lowest common denominator: teenage boys who live in Japanese cities.

A big sticking point for me personally has always been that you can visit Okina City in Golden. In Persona 4, you visited the nearby city occasionally in social link events, but never explored it on the whole. It gave a sense that Okina City was somewhere inconvenient to go to – someplace worth going to for a day trip with your friends, but too out of the way to visit on the regular. In Golden, the city and all of its trappings are just a loading screen away. Having a larger setting change like this so easily accessible detracts from Inaba’s setting – it makes the anxieties that several characters have about being trapped by the town feel fake. It detracts from a feeling that’s so integral to the game’s tone.

Also, the first time you go there outside of a Social Link is because Yosuke wants to pick up chicks with his cool new motorcycle.

The first trip to Okina City is ultimately indicative of a larger problem with most of the added scenes in P4G have: because they were written after the anime, they’re written to appeal to anime watchers. You can immediately tell when you’ve entered a scene that is original to P4G because the writing almost immediately drops in quality – characters become less complex, scenes have nothing to do with the plot or character development, and, to be quite honest, the jokes get worse. The Okina City sequence ultimately just ends with a fat joke and another “no homo” moment with Kanji. It’s… really bad.

There’s four more of these additional sequences throughout the game, and they’re all similar slice of life sequences that rely on anime tropes to propel them. The next after this is a beach episode with the rest of your party. After that is the idol concert on the Junes roof, which gets a hastily written tie-in to the plot when an antagonist says that the concert was how he found the party. After that is the entire winter sequence of the game, which caps off with a ski resort trip that leads into the game’s extra dungeon (which we’ll get to), which THEN leads into the game’s second hot springs cutscene, which has even less purpose than the first one.

None of these scenes have any real substance – it feels like they were just included because they actually had the budget to include them this time around. It’s possible that Okina City and the nighttime areas in Inaba were originally intended for the original version of P4, and I’d believe it – the way nighttime jobs are implemented in the original version of the game is particularly awkward, and you visit Okina City enough times in Social Links that I fully believe it was intended for the full game. As for the idol concert sequence, it 100% only exists because they got Rie Kugimiya as Rise’s VA, but couldn’t fit a sequence where she sang into the original version of the game.

The problem is that these inclusions ultimately detract from the original story. They take a game with a pretty firm idea of what kind of tone it wanted to have and muddle it because, fuck that, we have a budget this time and we need more anime tropes, idols, and tsunderes for those kids who came in after watching the anime.

Which brings us to Persona 4 Golden’s biggest issues: its additional Social Links, the winter semester, and its new ending sequence.

III. We have to talk about Marie.

Like Persona 3 FES before it, Persona 4 Golden adds new Social Links to the game. The first of which is the Jester Social Link, which deals with Tohru Adachi, a local police officer and a major character. While I’ve never been a huge fan of this Social Link (I’ve always felt like it made the identity of the culprit too obvious), it’s fairly well received by the fanbase and I can see the argument for its inclusion, so I’m not going to spend time discussing it here.

The other is Golden’s new Aeon Social Link, who manages to encompass most of Golden’s issues in a single character.

Marie is a completely original character to Golden, the first of a long chain of Atlus “remake waifus” – characters who are added to a remake of a game that are intended to appeal to the otaku crowd, rarely fit in with the rest of the game, and introduce large changes to the game’s plot. These characters rarely work because the narrative wasn’t built around them, and the retcons these characters introduce are often detrimental to their games’ original plots or themes.

Marie has all of these problems. She feels like she was written by committee – designed to appeal to an otaku crowd with a fancy design and tsundere personality. On top of that, she’s voiced by a big name seiyuu (Kana Hanazawa), and her plotline is used to fill in gaps with the game’s ending sequence, since the original game struggled with setting it up and the anime barely even bothered to touch it (Persona 4’s True Ending was shuffled off into an OVA in the anime adaptation).

From the moment you first see Marie, it’s obvious that she doesn’t belong. It’s not that her character design is bad, but it doesn’t match with the rest of the game’s tone. This is something of a pattern for her. The first time you meet Marie, it’s in the middle of a scene that was originally dedicated to the protagonist meeting his new family in Inaba. It’s jarring, disrupts a scene that was about setting up the protagonist’s larger family dynamic, and interrupts the flow of the game’s opening sequence.

Personality-wise, Marie is probably the most tropey of Golden’s characters – she’s a tsundere with amnesia, has a mysterious past, writes bad poetry as a hobby, and has a very obvious crush on the protagonist. Romancing her is almost mandated – you’re required to complete her Social Link to access the winter semester of the game, and during the game’s new ending, she calls out the protagonist on television to talk about how much she loves him. You can choose not to romance her if you want, but the game does its best to push you into wanting to do so.

Marie ultimately becomes one of the Velvet Room’s new attendants, though a lot of the evidence suggests that she was intended to become one of your party members originally. This is partially because she has a unique Persona related to her, and partially because the game takes every effort to emphasize how much of a buddy she is to the party. Marie’s Social Link ranks are time gated, usually becoming available after a new party member joins your team. All of these early scenes are dedicated to the protagonist going on dates with Marie, and then a random party member will show up and immediately become friends with her. Probably the most egregious case is during any mid-game hangouts where you don’t rank up, because the entirety of your party will just show up at Junes at the same time as you and Marie. It’s so obviously artificially constructed and honestly feels insulting to the player.

This artificiality feels like it was a writer’s saving throw to justify why the team would go into Marie’s dungeon to save her. The problem is that it’s also an unnecessary move to take. The majority of Persona 4’s plot is about the party entering dungeons to save people that they don’t really know from a serial killer; it stands to reason that the party would decide to help Marie without that extra motivation. But no, it was important to the writers that Marie is also big friends with the party, so we got what we got instead.

Marie’s dungeon comes after the skiing trip that caps off the winter semester, a portion of the game that is only available if you’ve finished her Social Link. The skiing trip is mostly more slice of life/comedy scenes, right up until you get thrust into the TV World to help Marie. The dungeon itself is… notoriously bad. You’re stripped of your equipment and items, and can only use items found within the dungeon to fight back. On top of that, the dungeon constantly drains your HP and MP, and the boss of it can only be damaged by using items that give her elemental weaknesses, because she starts off immune to everything. Here’s hoping you didn’t bring Chie for that fight like I did!

As you go through the dungeon, it’s revealed that Marie was secretly Kusumi-no-Okami, a minor Shinto god in service to Ameno-Sagiri (the game’s first final boss). Kusumi-no-Okami’s purpose is that she’s supposed to observe humanity and suck up all of Ameno-Sagiri’s fog after the conclusion of the game’s plot, which will inevitably kill her. The dungeon ends with the party trying to appeal to Marie to convince her that she doesn’t need to die, and then beating her up to save her. It’s… not particularly well written, but if that was all to Marie’s character after that, it would be fine. Unfortunately, it’s not.

The game proceeds as normal after that point as you approach the actual final boss, Izanami-no-Okami. During the fight with her, there is a sequence where the protagonist is encouraged to keep going by all of his social links. In the original version of the game (assuming that you’ve done their Social Links), this sequence ends with Dojima and Nanako, the family he’s been staying with the whole game, encouraging him to keep going. In Golden, Nanako’s line is immediately followed by Marie showing up, once again taking a sequence about familial love to make it about Marie. It’s… kind of gross!

Then you beat Izanami, and in the scene immediately afterwards, it’s revealed that, just kidding, Marie wasn’t Kusumi-no-Okami after all! She was actually Izanami-no-Mikoto, the good part of Izanami that was shaved off so that she could do her whole evil plot. Once you beat Izanami-no-Okami, she absorbs that evil part back into her and everything is all hunky dory! Conflict resolved completely, no need to worry about it anymore!

The “Marie was actually Izanami all along” reveal undercuts the finale of the game significantly. It comes immediately after what was the final scene before the ending scene, where Izanami pledged to leave humanity’s direction to humans in recognition of your feats. It’s an unnecessary doubling down on a finale that was already pretty definitive, if somewhat bittersweet, by making it unambiguously happy. This remains a theme for Golden’s ending sequence.

Persona 4 ends with the protagonist leaving his friends behind at the end of the year. Though the killer is in jail and the mastermind defeated, Inaba is still in the same melancholy state as it was when the protagonist came to it, and ultimately, he has to leave his friends behind. There’s a bittersweet-ness to its happy ending – no matter what, you have to move on and trust that things will be okay without you. Obviously, the protagonist comes back – there wouldn’t be so many spinoffs if he couldn’t – but it’s important that Persona 4 ends the way it does at that point. It puts a definitive close on the game.

Golden, however, adds an extended epilogue sequence where the protagonist comes back a year later. In this sequence, you find out that Inaba’s businesses are recovering, Namatame (the false antagonist) is running for office with a lot of support from the town, Adachi (the actual antagonist) has been on good behavior in jail, and your party members are all making tracks toward happiness for themselves.

A theme of esoteric happiness runs through this entire sequence – it feels like it entirely exists just to tell the player not to worry, everything is fine now, don’t worry about any other points of conflict. If it was just one of these things, it would have been fine, but the gatling gun of happy endings makes every one of those little victories feel lesser for it. Marie, of course, is inserted into the ending sequence of the epilogue to cap off her involvement. The esoteric happiness started with Marie, and it ends with Marie.

Golden’s epilogue ties every conflict in the game up into a neat little bow, in a way that’s almost entirely at odds with Persona 4’s down-to-home nature. It’s a fantasy that doesn’t acknowledge the uglier parts of life that Persona 4 was all about confronting. It’s the same kind of lie that Izanami accused humanity of wanting to nestle itself into. Marie’s involvement in Golden sums up a lot of that game’s problems, but the epilogue brings them into sharp relief.

IV. So now what?

I wouldn’t call Golden a bad game – I’ve heard a lot of people call it the superior version gameplay-wise, and while I disagree with that (it’s got some balance issues thanks to its new mechanics), it’s definitely the most accessible version. But when it comes to how it relates to its original, Golden throws a lot of what makes it good out the window in favor of appealing to a more general audience with slice of life sequences, more familiar tropes, and a character who mostly exists to sell merchandise and tie up Persona 4’s ending in an unambiguously happy manner.

I realize I’m in the minority here when I talk about what I dislike about Golden – you’ll find a lot of people who dislike Marie, but not a lot who dislike the rest of the package. And if you have a Vita and haven’t played Persona 4 already, then you might as well use it as your entry point into the franchise. However, I can’t help but feel like Golden is the exact point where Persona as a franchise shifted from trying to tell philosophical stories with more grounded characters to chasing mainstream appeal. Even Persona 5, a game that tries to tell a story about very real societal problems, has a lot of the same problems as Golden does, and from what I understand, these problems only got worse with Persona 5 Royal.

At the end of the day, Persona is going nowhere anytime soon – Persona 5 is the best-selling game in the franchise period, and the influence Persona has had on JRPGs in general cannot be understated. But I wouldn’t mind if some of the things I disliked about Persona 4 Golden didn’t come back.

#persona 4 #persona 4 golden #p4 spoilers #opinion #video games #a massive pile of salt

[onstarsandiron]

Might As Well Face It, You’re Addicted To Love: Chapter 5

Ooooooh we’re almost there!! First, though, meet the gang. 

AO3 link here

Chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 [here] / ?

Jax

Jax sighed in satisfaction as he finally finished drying his hair. The upkeep was obnoxious, but you couldn’t argue with the results; few others could lay claim to a meter of silver hair. It felt nice to be showered, dried, and in fresh clothes. He could finally find some peace.

“Jax! Hurry up!” Ana called, banging on his door. Jax sighed again. Oh well, peace was overrated anyway.

“I’m coming!” He yelled back. Easy for her to rush him with a puppy following her around and helping her get ready. Jax tied his hair into a quick ponytail and grabbed the duffel of show-prep stuff he’d pre-packed.

He opened his door to find Di hurrying down the hallway saying, “Ana, you did not let me finish!” Maybe calling Di a puppy was harsh, but he wouldn’t if he didn’t look at Ana with those big old eyes of his.

Jax followed them down the hall and a set of stairs into the kitchen. Ana stood still for once in her life – as still as she could, anyway, a toe tapping away to some unheard song – as Di finished her braid. Ana wore her black hair in a long braid down the middle of her head, the rest of it shaved. She said it was because it was punk, but Jax knew it was for convenience’s sake. She had golden-brown eyes set into a heart-shaped face and warm bronze skin. Her eyes sparkled with excitement, which was typically a sign of either a show or trouble. Sometimes both.

Di stood behind her being the physical embodiment of all the patience Ana lacked as he carefully finished off her braid. He was pale and tall, recently grown from being gangly to actually fitting his height. His blood-red hair was currently tied in a knot, but it typically had a mind of its own, falling down around his sharp face. Paired with his dark brows and dark eyes he had a very serious look to him, but Jax had seen him cry over a video of a small robot being, “too cute,” so his reputation in that area was ruined already.

Riggs and Wick were playing a game of cards at the kitchen table. They were on the older side and rarely came to gigs – Wick’s hearing was bad enough anyway, and if Wick wasn’t going neither was Riggs – but they both always saw them off and welcomed them home. Riggs was gruff and permanently skinny with scratchy gray stubble decorating his chin. He had lost his family and his leg in a bad accident a long time ago. Once or twice he’d shown Jax a picture of his family he kept on a locket, two happy looking kids, a beautiful wife, and him. Jax didn’t know nearly as much history about Wick, dark brown skin saggy in that way old men got with gray dreadlocks pulled into a ponytail behind him, but he had all sorts of tall tales to tell and was the one to teach him guitar, so really what other history could matter?

Talle, short with black, pixie cut hair, was cleaning up some pots and pans at the sink. She wasn’t as old as Riggs and Wick, but she did have the start of crows’ feet and smile lines etched into her face.  “Hey, Jax!” she called, then pointed to a stack of plastic Tupperware in bags that held their dinners for the evening, “Can you take these out to the van?”

“Sure thing,” Jax answered, securing his duffel on his shoulder so he could hold the bags in his hands.

He was about to consider how to juggle the bags and the approaching door when the door opened itself, or rather Lenda opened it from the other side. She was a couple years older than him and squarely built with old scars from time spent in fighting rings adorning her arms like trophies well-won. Her brownish-blonde hair hung around shoulder length and framed her narrow brown eyes, and her skin was tawny with rose undertones.

“Oh, hey, let me take one of those for you,” she offered, and Jax handed her one of the bags in his hands. Before heading back out she called into the kitchen, “Hey, Ana! Siege says that if you want your drum kit, you better come and put it in the van yourself!”

“Coming!” Ana said, and the three of them walked through to the open garage and the van parked outside it currently being loaded up.

“There you are, Sparkles!” Elara greeted. She was short and curvy with short-cropped silver hair in a style that on anyone else Jax would refer to as “soccer mom” but on her simply made her black-eyeliner-and-lipstick look more dramatic. Her wide eyes were violet, and her skin was apricot compared to Jax’s too-often-mistaken-as-a-ghost white. She was helping Xu, her partner, pack up some of the equipment. Xu was tall with high cheekbones, dark eyes, and tanned skin. They kept their black hair long and didn’t typically style it except when Elara would take it upon herself to braid it this way and that. They were a quiet person for the most part, which was good since Elara talked enough for the two of them.

“’Bout time you two beauty queens got yourselves down here,” Siege said. Siege wasn’t particularly tall, but she stood in a way that made you think she was. She filled a room and commanded respect wherever she went. Her eyes were a sharp stone-green and she wore her black curly hair large and filled with pieces wrapped in golden thread.

Siege’s job was not a topic to be discussed, but if it were to be discussed it may err a bit on the, as some might put it, illegitimate side of odd jobs. The house was largely a boarding house for her crew, a group that waxed and waned as needed. Riggs and Wick had been with her and Talle for forever, Lenda and Barger were newer additions, and there were plenty of people who had stayed for as little as a night and as long as years before moving on.

It was an interesting place to grow up, especially compared to Jax’s previous living arrangements, but he thought he, Ana, and Di came out no worse for it. After all, they’re all well fed, educated – Di was studying to be a doctor for goddess’ sake – and Siege and Talle have always been there when they needed them. Like when Ana decided she wanted to start a band; Siege may have sighed about it and certainly set some ground rules, but she never missed a show, let Ana use the van, and was the one to even get her the drum set in the first place.

“Sorry, Captain,” Jax said, getting his duffel and the food into the van and then going to help the others, “But you know my good looks are he only thing keeping the fans coming.”

“Ah, yes,” Di said dryly, having followed Ana out (definitely a puppy), “The throngs of fans shouting your name. Plus, all 13 of our Instagram followers.”

“53,” Xu corrected, being the one that actually did most of the managing of the account.

“Wow, is it actually that many?” Ana asked.

“Yes,” Xu answered, “With an average of 16.3 likes and 1.8 comments per post.”

That wasn’t very much. The band they were opening for had something like 20,000 followers and, you know, enough to fans to be able to justify holding their own concert with an opener. Ana didn’t believe in small milestones, though. Anything that was forward movement counted as victory in her book. That kind of aggressively positive outlook was a big part of what made this all work. If Jax was honest, had anyone else asked him to join a band he would have simply said no. When Ana asked, though, he couldn’t imagine letting someone else play guitar in his best friend’s band. He was certainly glad for it now; it was one of the only things he looks forward to anymore.

As he helped pack, Jax went through a mental checklist of everything. Once this was all done, Siege, Talle, Di, and Ana would take the van and he would drive Lenda, Elara, Xu, and Barger in a separate vehicle – turns out a drum set and audio equipment take up passenger space, go figure.

“Has anyone figured out where the fuck Barger is?” Jax asked. He’d almost forgotten about the irritable and irritating man.

“When’s the last time you saw the old fart?” Elara asked.

“I have not seen him in three days and 20-some hours, since practice on Monday,” Di answered, always so precise.

“Me neither,” Ana chipped in.

“I think I saw him like 2 AM Tuesday?” Lenda said, “I was just up for a glass of water, don’t remember it much.” Barger technically lived with them, but he kept odd hours and went out often, so it wasn’t unusual to not see him for a few days.

“Hasn’t been responsive to Talle or I,” Siege said, the look on her face serious, “I’ve called around. With any hope he’ll show up at the venue.”

Not answering when the captain called? Jax would not like to be in Barger’s shoes. The man better be dead, else he’ll be wishing he were soon.

At this point, it was a bit late to worry about Barger showing. They were lucky to get booked as an opener and would be stupid to give up this opportunity, even if their songs would sound off without a bass. Maybe Di could save their asses with his synths or something.

Whatever happened, though, Jax was determined to have a good time. He was going to go on stage, play with his friends, get some applause – even if it was simply polite applause – and this awful day and that awful boy and his awful boss would be behind him, completely forgotten.

Chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 [here] / ?

#hoi #heart of iron #soul of stars #sos #mywriting #fanfiction #might as well face it youre addicted to love #mawfiyatl #robbert valerio #jaxander taizu #robb/jax #robbert valerio/jaxander taizu #rock band au #chapter 5

[jflashandclash]

Tales From Mount Othrys

Surprised Parenthood (Is this How Gods Feel?)

Timeline: During the events of PJO 2: Sea of Monsters.

            When Flynn saw the sheepish, goofy grin on Jack’s face, the one he got when he held doors open for her or carried around her battle equipment, she knew whatever came out of his mouth was going to be annoying.

         Monsters and demigods alike where rejoicing over the double win. They roamed the Princess Andromeda’s halls, chatting, pushing each other around, and generally having real camaraderie for the first time. After several discouraging defeats on the Greek side—Flynn refused to use Luke’s phrase of “calculated setbacks”—her troop’s victory in their surprise attack against the Romans came as a morale booster.    

         The set up had been too easy: a dozen Romans on their day off inside a laser tag facility that the Romans didn’t know Flynn had taken over. Luke wanted her to convert the praetor. He figured having someone so high ranking would be useful.

         Luke underestimated one thing: Romans were much more loyal to their legion than the Greeks were to Camp Half-Blood.

         Had one Roman not turned traitor, Flynn was sure the scene would have been a massacre instead of a capture. Most of the Romans got away, but they had gained two valuable pieces: a Roman that the Romans didn’t know had turned spy and a praetor.

         And then Jack’s spectacle of turning Julian’s death into a tournament sent the monsters and demigods into a party mood.

         She had wanted to congratulate Jack as soon as the event was over. He’d been so sweet and corny about getting her flowers, a card, and making her a poem to celebrate her victory. Even if she thought it was dumb, Flynn wanted to get better about supporting his endeavors too.

         Jack had also been quieter the last few times she’d seen him. He got spacey sometimes when his medicine first kicked in, but this seemed different. With anyone else, she’d force them to tell her through charm speak. That was something she swore never to use on him.

All they needed was some alone time. There had been a lot going on with that child of Poseidon and child of Athena sneaking onto the boat with a Cyclops.

First, she needed to find Luke to debrief him on the mission, to see if Lucille really did want to leave the fighting unit after proving herself so capable, to destroy Dr. Thorn for almost impaling Jack during Praetor Julian and Axel the Lion’s fight, and to find the new Roman recruit, Mercedes?, to interrogate her.

         Hours later, she found out that Jack had taken a centaur to go offshore. Flynn dug her nails into her palm. Jack wasn’t allowed off shore on his own. If he got the wrong Disney song stuck in his head, he might accidentally play musical chairs with cancer or kill a whole restaurant.

         When she asked one of the children of Hephaestus if he’d seen Jack, the blond Viking giggled, “Told you we should have put a tracking chip in his bracelet.”

         After thirty minutes of panicked searching with Luke, a centaur ride, and some broken faces later, she and Luke found Jack with that dumb grin.

         His red hair acted as a messy flag amidst a line of Cyclopes, snake women, nymphs, and other nature spirits inside the bright interior of Monster Donut.

         A giant began to protest when she approached Jack, seething about demigods cutting the line. One look at her companion—Luke—and the complaint silenced.

         “Jack,” Flynn and Luke snapped at the same time.

         That’s when she realized Jack wasn’t alone. There was a child holding his hand and another demigod by his side.

         Jack turned, saw them, and gave them an excited wave with the hand holding the child’s. The small thing had to go on its tiptoes to accommodate Jack’s height.

         “Oh! Oh! And that’s Flynn! That’s your new mother!” Jack said so quickly the average person might not have caught his words.

         Flynn stopped in her approach.

         She must have misheard him.

         “No,” Luke muttered.

         “Isn’t she beautiful! Here! You’ll have to meet her—she’s the coolest, and I mean the coolest and most beautiful person in the world! Flynn!”

         Jack went to pick the child up from under the arms. Jack seemed not to realize how heavy the kid was and almost tumbled over. By balancing against a bolted in table, he managed to lift the child, Lion King-style. “Oh, aren’t you a tiny ball of muscle,” Jack choked out.

         With Jack’s gracelessness, Flynn thanked the fates again that Luke agreed Jack shouldn’t go onto the battlefield anytime soon.

         The child went limp, glancing between Flynn and Luke with wide eyes. Flynn didn’t know if it was a boy or a girl. It had one, bright hazel eye and one dark. Its black hair twisted and curled out wildly, a little too short to be a proper female bob, and a little too long to be a messy boy cut. Its skin was pale, with a warm tint that made her think of Central America. It wore a dirty button-down shirt that might have once been red, but looked more like a muddied brown. Based off its height and the soft roundness of its features, Flynn guessed it couldn’t be more than nine or ten years old, too young to have developed any demigod powers.

         She had to give the kid credit: when she leaned down to examine it, the child didn’t flinch away from her face. Most adults couldn’t handle looking at Flynn’s mutilated face. She liked it that way.

         Instead, this tiny one broke into a massive, dimpled grin. “You have beautiful eyes,” it said.

         Jack made a gasping noise. He peeked from around the child’s head to see her reaction.

         Flynn flinched backwards, wondering if Jack had set the child up to that. Only Jack was supposed to talk like that to her.

         “Jack, what is that?” she asked, gesturing towards the child.

         “Our new son,” Jack said, his arms starting to shake. He looked so proud.

         The boy beside them stared skeptically, like he was waiting for Jack’s arms to break off.

         “Dude, we talked about this. You need to tell someone before you leave the ship,” Luke said, brushing off the comment that left Flynn temporarily speechless.  

         Jack’s arms finally gave out, and he set the child down. “I told Clops.”

         “The Cyclops?” Luke said, “You know that doesn’t count. And where did you get—wait—are you the one who won the fight against the praetor?”

         The boy to the side of Jack pulled his shoulders back. His black hair was coarser than the other’s and dangled past his shoulders. There were braids twisted into random locations and a segment behind one ear was shaved. His skin was a rich caramel and his dark eyes darted up to Luke’s with such defiance, she thought he might have been looking for another fight.

         He wore a shirt too big for him, one that must have been an extra band shirt of Jack’s. The praetor’s medals sparkled against the blue material. One of his hands rubbed the lower right medal like it might disappear if he didn’t touch it. Flynn considered warning him that the oils in his fingers were going to rust them.

         Flynn wasn’t sure what country he was from, though guessed somewhere in South America. Other than a pair of ears he hadn’t quite gown into, he might look conventionally attractive if he cleaned up.

         “Yea,” he said, “What’s it to you?”

         Jack paled. “Oh, uh, Axel, this is Luke. He’s the leader of the army. We’re nice to Luke.”

         Axel tilted his head skeptically. “So, you’re like the cult priest or something?”

         Luke’s charming smile twitched. He glanced to the beaming redhead. “Jack… what did you tell our new recruits about us?”

         Jack tilted his head to the side, holding out a hand to list things on his fingers. “That there is absolutely no running by the pools, Tuesdays are Terrific Taco Nights, which I figured they might like since I think they’re both Hispanic—are you Hispanic? I guess I should have asked—”

         Flynn held out a hand for Jack to stop. He trailed off, noticing her frown. The delight in his eyes dimmed to anxiety.

         “What did you call them earlier?” she asked, her tone careful.

         Jack swallowed. “Our sons.”

         The look she gave him must have been intense. The smaller child took half a step behind the bigger one.

         “Oh man…” Luke sighed.

         “Flynn? Jack? Luke?”

         Flynn glanced further down the line. The space between them and the order counter had cleared of customers.

         A frail blonde girl was beckoning them to the counter. Her icy blue eyes shot nervously to Luke and then back to Flynn. “To what do I owe the honor on my first shift?” She gave a curtsey that looked far too delicate in her yellow and pink apron.

         “Lucille!” Jack said. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and shuffled the two boys forward. “We wanted to come see how you were liking the new job!”

         Although Flynn could tell he was trying to hide it, his voice shook. She reached forward to touch his shoulder and found that her hands were shaking too. What was wrong with her?

         She lowered her hand without touching Jack’s shoulder. When she felt Luke’s eyes on her, she scowled at him.

         Luke put his hands up in a defensive gesture and mouthed, “Don’t look at me.”

         He was right: there was no way Luke could have known about this “son” business. He’d been with Flynn the whole time.

         Lucille’s cheeks went rosy with her smile. “We just opened, but we’ve already helped so many monsters. I—” She froze, her eyes trailing back to Flynn. Choosing her words carefully, she said, “It’s a nice change of pace.”

         Axel perked up, looking the girl over. “What is this place?” he asked.

         The frail girl clapped her hands. “I haven’t seen you around before. Are you new? I’m Lucille.”

         “Axel,” he said and stood up a little taller.

         Flynn wondered if Axel was about to become one of the many boys, Luke included, that were baffled with Lucille’s sweet, biting disinterest. The two looked about the same age.

         “We help monsters here—hold on—Vicky, can you take over?”

         Lucille stepped to the side, letting another associate take over the main line before any monsters began to grumble.

         She fluffed out her apron. “Like their half-mortal children, gods often abandon their monster children. Mortal children usually have at least one parent that can help take care of them. Monsters often don’t. They’re abandoned to starve in the wild.” Lucille frowned, rubbing her wrist.

         Luke snorted. “Yea, leave it to the gods to be the role models for ‘worst parents ever.’”

         Axel and the other child exchanged a glance.

         “That’s awful,” the tiny one said.

         She nodded. “Yes. That’s why we run the Monster Donut shops. They’re charity-based with no strings attached. Monsters don’t need to join Kronos’ army. We just want them to have a safe spot to get a free bite to eat and socialize with each other and friendly demigods.”

         Jack nodded. Although his voice kept light, he kept trembling and wouldn’t make eye contact with Flynn. “We wanted an environment where they could see that not all demigods would try to kill them on sight. It’s kinda hard to undo centuries of the ‘who can kill whom first’ thing.”

         Axel touched his mouth with his fingertips. “That’s a really cool idea,” he begrudgingly admitted. “Who funds it?”

         Luke grinned. “That’s the beauty of these babes. The establishments pop up any time a super powerful monster—in this case a hydra—lends some of its life force to support its brethren. Flynn helped start this one.”

         All eyes turned to her, except Jack’s. Everyone else made it sound so complicated. It hadn’t been.  She was irritated to realize they were waiting for her to fill in an explanation. “Children of Aphrodite have an easier time talking to monsters that can’t speak as well,” Flynn said, “We just had to make sure the hydra was alright with losing a head to release the energy and start this facility.”

         Lucille nodded. “All the materials show up on their own. We just need to bake the donuts and man the register. Now, sweetie, what would you like?”

         She winked at the tiny child.

         Its face lit up as it hopped up and down. “Strawberry-frosted donut with a jelly donut with a—

         “You only get two,” Axel snapped and bopped the little one on the back of the head.

         “Ayeeeee!” it whined and grabbed the black locks.

         Jack crossed his arms. “Hey! Don’t hit your brother!”

         The smaller one stuck out his tongue at the larger one. Axel scowled. They must have actually been brothers based off that interaction, even if they didn’t look related.

         “But, you really can only have two. They can’t run out for the hungry monsters, else they might eat you,” as Jack said the last part, he bopped the tiny one’s button nose. He turned to Axel. “And you?”

         Axel jammed his hands into his pockets, trying to look disinterested. “Chocolate glazed.”

         Jack ruffled his hair.

         Axel swatted his hand away. His face went bright red.

         Lucille giggled. “How about you, Jak-Jak?”

         “A chocolate glazed and… Ajax, what was the other one you wanted?” Jack asked.

         The tiny one hopped again. “Bavarian cream.”

         Luke and Flynn gave their orders as well. Then, Lucille filled a yellow and pink Monster Donut box for them. Before Flynn could grab Jack’s shoulder and see what he was up to, Lucille called Flynn back to the counter.

         Lucille told the other associate she was taking a quick break, hung her apron, and led Flynn to the girl’s restroom. Flynn wondered if this was some kind of trap. The only person she trusted here was Jack, and he could easily be manipulated into doing the wrong thing. Could Lucille use her charm speak on Flynn? The half-sisters had an unspoken agreement not to try it on each other. If Lucille was about to pull something, Flynn would need to come up with a way to disable her, other than charm speak.

         When they got into the stalls, they checked each, one huge, one medium, and one small for the various sizes of monster and demigod customers, to see if they were alone.

         “You sure about your decision to work here?” Flynn asked, deciding Lucille wasn’t up to anything malicious. “You didn’t even celebrate the victory over the Romans.”

         Lucille had been vital in capturing Julian. On her own, Flynn sometimes struggled to get strong-willed people to harm themselves. Although Lucille’s charm speak wasn’t as powerful, without it, Julian might have been able to fight back.

         The frail girl bit her lip, nodding. “Yes—I—change of pace.”

         Flynn scowled.

         Lucille touched her wrist. “I was nervous that you and Luke were here to say I had to come back.”

         Flynn wanted to. Until they got Krios out of Tartarus or Atlas out from under the world, Flynn was stuck leading the Assault and Battery unit. While she liked the unrestrained violence, she hated having others look up to her for encouragement or direction.

         Lucille had come here to help people. Flynn had come here to kill people. It made the monsters respect Flynn more and the demigods trust Lucille. Between Lucille and Luke, Flynn would never need to take a leadership role. Now…

         If Luke wasn’t such a coward about battle, maybe he could lead the damn group on his own.

         “We were just looking for Jack,” Flynn said.

         Lucille gave her a fragile smile. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Do you remember when we were playing MASH while getting ready for the mission?”

         Flynn considered making Lucille slap herself. Eileithyia, the Goddess of Childbirth, didn’t understand why the girls had wanted to play a game that would predict the future of where someone would live, who they would marry, what their occupation would be, and how many children they would have. Why not just ask an oracle?

         No matter how many times Lou Ellen, a daughter of Hecate, told Eileithyia that not knowing was part of the point, the goddess got confused.

          Lucille put her hands up in a surrender motion. “I swear it’s relevant. I wouldn’t have brought it up otherwise. I respect the oath we took to never speak of it again unless it was important.”

         Both of them glanced around, like Orkus, the God of Oaths, might be lurking in a stall. MASH with demigods was serious business.

         “Jack heard our conversation. He and Matthias had come by to drop off some extra supplies and he brought a gift for you,” Lucille said, like it was a big deal.

         Flynn wished she could charm speak Lucille to the point. “And? I didn’t say anything that he doesn’t already know.”

         Flynn thought the game was stupid and opted out of playing. Then, Lou Ellen, someone who didn’t fear Flynn nearly enough, decided she’d fill Flynn’s MASH out for her. There were no options under marriage. The girls cooed that Flynn had to be with Jack, despite several of them knowing Flynn had whomever she wanted whenever she wanted them.

Jack was just her boyfriend. Though, they all seemed to sense the thing that separated him from the other guys: he was the only one that mattered to Flynn.

She’d gotten “apartment” on housing, “20” on children, and “chainsaw murderer” under occupation. Then Eileithyia had killed the joy for all the other giggling idiots when—

         “It’s not what you said,” Lucille explained gently.

         --Eileithyia said Flynn couldn’t have twenty children because she was infertile. She was too damaged.

         And Lou Ellen pointed out this is exactly why they didn’t play these kinds of games around gods.

         At the time, all Flynn cared about was that everyone had stopped the stupid game and gotten ready for the mission.

         Now, Flynn closed her eyes and exhaled, trying to conjure the audio of one of Nǎinai‘s favorite Huangmei operas to calm herself down. Of course Jack had heard that. Of course he was the one eighteen-year-old that would be thinking about children when we’re at war.

         “Don’t get mad at Jack,” Lucille begged. “He just gets—”

         “Confused,” Flynn ended, hating that word. Even though she’d gone back to visit her grandmother with Jack that weekend, she couldn’t conjure the music. “Damn it, Jack,” she hissed, her fingers curling into a fist. Now, she had to figure out what to do and possibly how to get rid of her two new “sons.”

***

Surprise Adoption: consider this for your loved ones this holiday season.

XD  Thank you for reading;I hope you guys enjoyed! I’ve had a lot of fun figuring out Flynn’s pov. Stay tuned next week to see how she takes to her new babies!

#Tales from Mount Othrys #Percy Jackson and the Olympians #Heroes of Olympus #PJO #HOO #fanfiction #TFMO #luke castellan #Jack #Flynn #Ajax #Axel #Lucille

[maybegrammy]

Average| Chapter 2

Summary: Mediocrity is the goal…maybe.

Pairing: Female OC x ???

Word Count: 1311

Warnings: the flu? lol i don’t think this chapter has anything warning worthy

Another day, another sale.

But not today.

It seems that the flu you wished for days ago finally decided to make an appearance. Your stomach had been hurting the day before which cause a lack of sleep at night. Finally, at 4 in the morning, you were head first in the toilet with a raging headache.

Unfortunately for you, the headache didn’t want to go away. You tried your best to search for some saltines and advil, only to run to the bathroom to be sick for the second time in an hour. After brushing your teeth, again, you came to the conclusion that if you wanted any kind of oral aid, then you would have to go to the store.

What a cruel world, you though sighing.

I have to go to work even when my guts are spilling out of my mouth.

Grabbing your purse and shoes, you move toward the door hoping that if you’re fast enough, then maybe you can go through the whole trip without puking on yourself.

***

Racing through the automated doors, you enter the store you knew all too well. You did your best to be quick, trying to avoid an encounter with your supervisor. She was not happy to wake up to you calling out first thing in the morning.

Knowing where everything was made the ordeal a lot easier and you were able to maneuver around the aisles with great speed. Within 10 minutes of walking into the store, you were waiting in line ready to pay for your things.

“Hello stranger.”

Namjoon’s deep voice sent shivers down your spine, or was that the AC? You almost didn’t want to look up, knowing how awful a sight you were at the moment, but you did anyway, eyes squinting at the harsh light.

Once your face was fully up, you notice Namjoon’s once smiling face turn to one of slight worry.

“Hi,” you managed to whisper, giving a small smile in greeting.  

“I heard that you called out,” he said although it sounded more like a question.

“Um yeah I did but it seems my pain tolerance didn’t get the memo,” glancing down at the advil on the counter.

He shook his head as he scanned the two items. “I’m sorry man, I wish there was something I could do.”

Trying to ignore the use of the word ‘man’ toward you, you tried to tell him not to worry about anything when he started to speak again.

“You know what, if you’re feeling better...here’s a ticket for a music show this Friday,” he offered, slowly grabbing a ticket from his pocket. You grabbed it with a confused look on your face.

“Thank you? You just...had this lying around?”

“Oh! Well I was actually supposed to sell it but I thought it might make you feel better. Gives you something to look forward to.”

With a small smile on your face, you looked at the ticket and then back at him. He watched on with a hopeful look on his face. A sudden burst of confidence had you asking ,” Am I supposed to go by myself?”

A flustered feeling overtook your body as soon as the words left your mouth. Heart beating incredibly fast and eyes slightly wide, you watched as Namjoon covered his chuckling with a slight cough.

“Ha, I’ll actually be there as well. Trust me, you won’t be able to miss me.”

Nodding, you grabbed your bag and thanked him again, sincerely this time, for the ticket.  

“I guess I’ll see you there,” you say walking out, failing to notice the blue haired man walking past you.

Yoongi watched as you walked out looking slightly dazed. He then turned to find his long-time friend with a content look on his face.

“So,” Yoongi raised his eyebrows curiously,”is she coming to the show?” The wide smile on Namjoon’s face told him everything he needed to know. The newfound knowledge brought his own lips to curve slightly, basking quietly in his friend’s infectious happiness.

***

The week passed by at a snail’s pace but luckily it was enough time to recover from your poorly timed illness. You were even able to show up for your shifts on Thursday and Friday.

Friday.

You thanked the universe for blessing you with an early shift. You spent most of it contemplating what to wear to the concert Namjoon invited you to and as soon as your break was over, you rushed home to get ready.

After spending a good thirty minutes showering, shaving, and trying to brush your hair, you take a good hour coming up with ideas for an outfit. By the time you actually decided on something, your room had become a wasteland of clothes. You tsked lightly at yourself for making a mess that you would no doubt live in for a couple of days before cleaning.

Deciding to think about your poor cleaning skills later, you walked over to your bathroom mirror to evaluate your outfit. You wore a black tank top with a long black jacket over it. Turning to the side you look at your jeans noting that there was a small bleach stain by your hip. To complete your look, you wore white sneakers.

For comfort, you thought. You had no idea what kind of music would be playing and so decided that the safest option was a casual but slightly dressy look.

Hm...makeup?

Not being the best at applying makeup, you decided to do something light. A dab of concealer here and a flick of mascara there. The look finished with your favorite tinted strawberry chapstick.

One more look at your reflection left you satisfied and you pulled your phone out of your pocket to check the time.

7:30 p.m.

“You got this,” you told yourself as you walked to the little club listed on you ticket, having decided earlier to forgo your car.

As you reached the club you notice a small line at the door. You only had to wait 5 minutes before handing you ticket to the bouncer and receiving a hand stamp in return.

It was dark inside, the only lights directed toward a slightly raised stage at the back of the room. Speakers were booming with the voice of a rapper you didn’t know the name of as people were jumping along to the rhythm.

Your heart began to race a little because of the energy of the crowded club and you began to search for Namjoon. After 10 minutes you took a break from your quest to grab some water at the bar. The heat from all bodies beginning to get to you as you take off your jacket. Your plan to hydrate was interrupted by a familiar blonde man with an angelic smile.

“Jimin!”

He turned his head, still laughing at whatever his friend was telling him. He continues to smile as he greets you, pulling you into a tight hug. His hug spread warmth throughout your body adding to your need for water but you returned his public display of affection just as fiercely.

“What are you doing here?”

“Namjoon invited me,” you both asked and answered at the same time. You deflated slightly. Under the impression that you were the only one Namjoon had asked, you held back a wince at Jimin’s answer.

Trying to hide your slight embarrassment, you asked,” So, where is the man of the hour?” Jimin simply pointed behind you and you watched as the rapper from earlier ran off stage. Replacing him was Kim Namjoon.

Mouth slightly parted in awe as you realized what was happening, the words ‘you won’t be able to miss me’ rang through your head. You barely noticed Jimin coming up behind you until he whispered in your ear.

“Are you ready to meet RM?”

***

Notes: chapter 2 done! i tried to make it longer and i succeeded but not by much lol. i feel like the story is a little...boring right now but im still gettin in the hang of writing again and i hope future chapters will become more interesting as time goes on. please feel free to comment what you like and what you didn’t like or any suggestions you might have! thank you for reading and i hope you stay long enough to actually see this story become good lol

Tagged: @spiicyari

#average ch.2 #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #bts imagine #bts imagines #bts scenario #bts scenarios #bts kim namjoon #namjoon x reader #namjoon x oc #namjoon fanfiction #bts min yoongi #yoongi x reader #yoongi x oc #yoongi fanfiction #bts park jimin #jimin x reader #jimin x oc #jimin fanfiction

[ivvvoooo-blog]

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- Albert

#bathmate hydro pump review #bathmate review

[automaticphantomalpaca]

What Is an E-Bike? Here’s Everything You Need to Know

The first thing you should know about e-bikes is that they’re here to stay. Electric bike sales jumped by an incredible 145 percent from 2019 to 2020 alone, according to the market research firm NPD Group. It’s a nearly $244 billion industry as of last year, and there’s no sign of a slowdown.

Some view the rise of e-bikes as a threat, as though standard bikes will go the way of the penny-farthing once everyone goes electric. But fear not: E-bikes aren’t here to rob us of our human-powered way of life. In fact, they may very well enhance it—especially as travel and commuting habits change following the global pandemic and shift of work commuting. So as we roll our way into peak riding season, here’s everything you need to know about the electric revolution.

1. E-bikes make pedaling easier.

Generally speaking, e-bikes are electric bicycles with a battery-powered “assist” that comes via pedaling and, in some cases, a throttle. When you push the pedals on a pedal-assist e-bike, a small motor engages and gives you a boost, so you can zip up hills and cruise over tough terrain without gassing yourself. Called “pedelecs,” they feel just like conventional bikes—but better, says Ed Benjamin, senior managing director at the consulting firm eCycleElectric. “You control your speed with your feet, like with a regular bike,” he says. “You just feel really powerful and accelerate easily.”

In addition to the pedal-assist feature, some e-bikes come with a throttle that engages the motor with the press of a button. These belong to a separate class of e-bike that, obviously, doesn’t offer a pure cycling experience; they’re also illegal in some municipalities. Interestingly, Benjamin says, people who aren’t already “cyclists” tend to gravitate toward throttle bikes at first, but then turn around and choose a pedal-assist for their next purchase.

2. They go pretty fast… to a point.

The harder you pedal, the bigger the boost, the faster you’ll ride—to a point. E-bikes let you hum along at a brisk clip, but they aren’t motorcycles. You’ll never hammer down the road at 45 mph. The motor is governed to stop propelling you further when you hit 20 to 28 miles per hour, depending on the bike. So you’ll save time on your commute (I shave about three minutes off a five-mile trip) but still enjoy the scenery.

You can also control how big of an assist you get. Most e-bikes come with a power switch that lets you adjust the boost setting from “eco” (low) to “turbo” (high), for when you want a little more oomph to help you, say, up a steep hill.

3. You’ll ride a lot more, even if you already ride a lot.

Getting an e-bike can dramatically increase how often you ride, according to a survey of nearly 1,800 e-bike owners in North America. Beforehand, 55 percent of respondents said they rode daily or weekly. After buying an e-bike, that number soared to 91 percent. It makes sense: Even if you’re super fit, you still get tired (likely from training or racing) and remounting your bike can feel like a chore. If you have an e-bike, you can continue riding while giving your knackered legs a bit of a break. You can also go faster, which makes biking for longer trips more attractive, even when you’re pressed for time.

For those who aren’t frequent riders, e-bikes open up a whole new world, like fat tire electric bike. While you may not be conditioned to ride 5-10 miles at a time, you can cover those distances easily with an electric assist, which is a great way to build endurance and confidence. That same survey found that 94 percent of non-cyclists rode daily or weekly after getting an electric city bike.

4. There’s an e-bike for everything.

Name a type of riding, and there’s an e-bike for that. If you have zero interest in an electric road bike, you may find yourself head over heels for a high-capacity e-cargo bike that can haul 400 pounds of stuff while still cruising at a cool 15 mph. E-bikes are available in fat, cargo, commuter, recreational, hardtail, full-suspension electric mountain bike, and even performance road bike styles. For proof, here are a dozen e-bikes we love for every type of cyclist.

5. They can replace driving.

“People are buying electric bicycles as a way to reduce car trips,” Benjamin says. The data backs him up: 28 percent of survey respondents said they bought an e-bike specifically to replace driving a car. And many other reasons buyers listed for wanting an e-bike—including carrying cargo and kids, avoiding parking and traffic, and environmental concerns—also indicate a desire to get out from behind the wheel. Plus, you don’t need to change clothes or clean up when you arrive at your destination, because you don’t have to work up as much of a sweat.

Consider, too, that more than half of all driving trips are shorter than 10 miles, with some surveys reporting that the average single trip amounts to just 5.95 miles. That’s a no-brainer distance to cover by e-bike. In fact, the survey found that owners replaced 46 percent of their car commutes and 30 percent of their driving errands with electric road bike rides. All you need is a great commuter bag to carry your stuff, and you’re set.

6. Yes, you still get exercise.

E-bikes, including electric folding bike, do some of the work for you, but they still count as exercise, especially for people who have otherwise been sedentary. Colorado University researchers found that when 20 non-exercising men and women e-biked about 40 minutes three days a week, they improved their cardiovascular fitness and blood sugar in just one month. “Many people are not fit enough to ride long enough to get meaningful health and fitness benefits from biking,” Benjamin says. “Put them on an electric bike and they can go out and ride for an hour and get a significant amount of exercise.”

Even if you’re in excellent shape and very fit, you still can get exercise by e-biking. When I did a head-to-head comparison of commuting with my cross bike versus a recreational e-bike, I found that my relative effort was much lower, and I burned about half as many calories, on the e-bike. But I still burned something—up to 200 calories per hour, the equivalent of what you burn by walking. And I opted for quick e-bike rides to town where I would usually drive, which means I was considerably more active overall.

7. The batteries are getting better.

There’s no getting around it: E-bikes give you yet another device to charge. Right now, you can expect your battery to last anywhere from 35 to 100 miles before it needs a recharge. Where you fall in that range depends on the size of the battery and how much power the motor draws. Obviously, if you buzz around on “turbo” all day, you’ll run out of juice faster than if you run on lower, more economical settings. But we also expect batteries to improve in the future.

8. Trail access can be tricky.

E-bikes remain a subject of controversy in mountain biking circles, some think it more is electric scooter, or a citycoco, and inside the city, we can also see electric wheelchairs. You may not be able to take one on your favorite singletrack right now, as most non-motorized trails prohibit them. However, things have been tilting in a more permissive direction. IMBA, the sport’s largest public advocacy group, shifted its stance to support allowing access for some pedal-assist e-bikes (those that top out at 20 mph) on some trails. With every major manufacturer making e-mountain bikes, more access is likely only a matter of time. “In a few years, people will realize that electric mountain bikes have no more trail impact than a regular mountain bike,” Benjamin says.

[mensbodybuildingtips]

4 Tips To Shrink Your Bodybuilding Grocery Bill

4 Tips To Reduce Your Bodybuilding Grocery store Bill

Let's be truthful, consuming like a body builder ain't economical. Consuming large quantities of excellent quality fresh food each as well as every day produces 'terrifying' grocery store bills.

But with a little bit of 'smart' buying, you could make a big distinction in your food prices without jeopardizing on quality.

Here's 4 easy, sensible tips that will assist diminish your grocery bill.

Tip # 1 Catch The Supermarket Deals

Generally talking buying a bigger amount of a product generally suggests you get more for your money, i.e. the rate per thing is reduced the much more you buy. Mass purchasing is specifically fit to bodybuilders as we tend to eat large amounts of the very same food (hen, tuna, rice etc).

Supermarkets are always running offers on picked things, it's a typical approach to keep customers returning, searching for the deals. The offers are turned routinely so quite much every item will certainly be on deal at some point.

Next time you're in the grocery store, take time to try to find the special deals as well as offers such as 'BOGOF' (Get One Get One Free, you have actually got ta love supermarket sales jabber) and also 'acquire 2 and also obtain Third free' and so on. Additionally keep you eyes peeled off for items being offered in the largest amounts and also multi packs.

These deals and offers can typically be a genuine deal so take complete benefit when you see your typical items on sale. Acquire as long as you could afford/store as the offers/deals typically just last for a few weeks.

But understand, even if an item is on offer does not suggest that it really is the ideal offer - do not take the sales banner as gospel. It may actually be less expensive to get numerous solitary products than claim the '6 pack' offer.

Here's an example for you that occurred to me a couple of weeks back.

I was wanting to purchase my common tinned tuna (in brine) at my neighborhood supermarket as well as there was 3 different methods I can get, as listed below:

3 x 80g (multi pack) - Expense: ₤ 2.10: ₤ 0.88/ 10g

1 x 185g - Price: ₤ 1.89: ₤ 1.02/ 100g

3 x 185g (multi pack) - Expense: ₤ 5.29: ₤ 0.95/ 100g

Now you 'd usually assume the larger multi pack (3x185g) to be the best offer however as you could see, it's in fact the smaller (3x80g) which turns out to be the better deal.

The biggest purchasing alternative isn't necessarily constantly the finest offer, you'll should do some psychological arithmetic to determine the least expensive means to buy a specific product. If mathematics isn't really your strength then do what I do, make use of a calculator.

Your mobile phone will certainly likely contend least an easy calculator mounted or you can download a free one if you have a smart device. I utilize my own whenever I go grocery store buying so when I spot a bargain, I could swiftly as well as accurately calculate the very best offer available.

By making the most effective option in tuna from the instance above, I saved myself 7p/100g. Not a significant quantity of cash money I know yet offered that I usually go with at least 1kg of tuna each week, that exercises to be over ₤ 36/year. That's a very welcome conserving on just one product and all simply by taking a little time to figure out the real ideal offer.

To round off my story, I remained in the grocery store the adhering to week, I had not been in fact purchasing tuna yet I discovered that the 1 x185g tins got on a '2 for 1' offer which works out as 51p/100g tuna. That's a whopping saving of 37p/100g over the formerly least expensive offer.

Needless to state, I acquired in mass, in fact 3 months worth!, (got some amusing take a look at the till I could inform you), as well as saved myself some ₤ 42 on 3 months materials - bargain!

Buying your routine food things in bulk may just save you dimes in the extra pound but offered just how much you invest in grocery stores, this saving could exercise be fairly substantial. Not a routine incident, offers such as BOGOF can offer a considerable saving and are something you must be looking out for as well as taking advantage of.

Tip # 2 Strike a Deal with Your Local Butcher/Greengrocer

As excellent as the special offers from you local supermarket can be, they are only fleeting with any type of individual promo lasting just a couple of weeks. I do suggest you make the most of these deals when they show up and also acquire as high as you could afford/store but these bargains aren't constantly around.

There's typically no space for discussing with the grocery stores, particularly the larger chains. I have actually neither attempted nor experienced bargaining a bulk purchase discount at the check outs, chances are any such behavior would just be met with shock! The rate you see is the price you pay, if exactly what you want isn't really on deal - challenging luck.

There is however, space for working out on rate with your local family members run butcher/greengrocer.

Sadly, independent neighborhood butcher/greengrocer shops are shrinking in number day by day, (mainly thanks to the previously mentioned grocery stores). The good information for you is that these stores are generally are very eager for your service, specifically if you're acquiring in bulk.

First point you need to do is sit down and also work out just exactly just how much of a certain product you typically go through in an offered duration (week, fortnight, month). Next off, visit your neighborhood butcher/greengrocer and ask to talk to the owner/manager. Briefly explain your situation (body builder, rigorous diet etc.)

Please do not feel embarrassed regarding doing this, you're not being 'saucy' or 'tight-fisted'. You're offering to put a reasonable amount of service their method (at least compared to their average client) and also you're merely looking for the ideal price.

Striking such a bargain should quickly cause shaving ₤ 50+ off your monthly grocery store bill.

In my situation, I was able to strike a great bargain with my local butcher for the routine buying of some 15Kg of poultry monthly. After explaining my situation to the proprietor and my expected month-to-month quantity, he promptly used me a reduction of ₤ 1.50/ Kg for hen. There was a conserving of over ₤ 22 per month on hen alone.

When I pop in every month, my butcher is always extremely delighted to see, offers me himself as well as typically throws in an extra poultry bust or two.

Now you're not likely to be able to haggle the same kind of deal that you can find on offer at the supermarkets. The latter's purchasing power provide them big arrangement benefit with the suppliers. But, if you cut an offer with your local butcher/greengrocer, after that hopefully it will certainly be in location a great deal longer compared to the fleeting supermarket offers.

Personally, I still prefer to source a lot of my mass buy from my neighborhood butcher as well as greengrocer. The deals at the grocery store might be the most effective on rate yet I such as knowing my fruit and vegetables is in your area expanded as well as ought to additionally be fresher (ideally with less pesticides as it travels for less).

Tip #3 Minimize Your Wastage

A research study by the University of Arizona shows that the ordinary home wastes some 14% of food acquired. This is due primarily to food not being consumed prior to its use by date.

Given that you possibly spend an awful whole lot more compared to the average individual on groceries, chances are that you are wasting much more than this.

So a fast and also easy method of immediately conserving cash on your grocery store costs is to minimize the amount of food you waste. This alone might be saving you around 15% of you costs.

Here's a few of my best suggestions to aid keep your food waste to a minimum:

Prepare your meals in advance

By recognizing exactly just what you'll be eating over the following a number of days, you'll know specifically the amount of food items you need to acquire on your next buying journey. Getting just what you require is the ideal means to decrease wastage.

There's likewise many various other advantages to the body builder in preparing your meals ahead of time, something to dicsuss one more time.

Buy your vegetables frozen

Us body builders go via and an awful lot a fresh vegetables every single day (I'm currently consuming some 400g+/ day). Unless you agree to stand out to the regional grocery store eco-friendly grocer every day after that you'll should stock numerous days worth at home.

Even cooled, service life for veggies isn't really excellent, ranging from 1-2 days for 'green veg' such as broccoli and green beans as well as much as 7+ days for more sturdy veggie such as carrots and onions.

So your selections are to buy enough for your demands and cope with the probable waste, or, under buy to ensure no waste but will most likely lack vegetables.

Both scenarios are undesirable, yet, the good news is, are avoidable.

Enter frozen vegetables!

Frozen vegetables are absolutely nothing brand-new and also have actually been around for time but breakthroughs in cold devices, transportation and also storage space have actually made frozen veggies a viable alternative to their fresh relatives. Frozen vegetables supply the ideal option to wastage and also running short problems. You could purchase sufficient for your should ensure you won't run our, plus, there'll be no waste, win-win.

Frozen vegetables use numerous advantages over fresh vegetables, consisting of:

Frozen vegetables are 'flash frozen' on the day of acquisition, normally within a number of hours of being selected. This instant cold' secures the nutrients in and also maintains the veggie fresh. Fresh vegetables are normally in transportation for several days, sit in a stockroom for a day or 2 before ultimately be provided to your supermarket.

In fact, a study carried out by the Institute of Food Research study on the loss of vitamins as well as nutrients made some fascinating points 'fresh' vegetables. The research located that the extensive transportation time of fresh vegetables can result in substantial loss in particular vitamins, especially: green beans can have shed as much as 45 percent of nutrients, broccoli as well as cauliflower 25 each cent, garden peas as much as 15 percent, and carrots approximately 10 percent.

Frozen veggies have a shelf life of a number of months.

Frozen veggies are similar in rate to fresh and also in most cases are in fact cheaper.

Frozen veggies are not seasonal sand are pleasing all year round.

The one notable disadvantage of icy vegetables that several have reported, is that freezing slightly modifies the taste and also texture of the vegetable. I personally have not discovered this and also in fact discover the taste of some icy vegetables to be remarkable (broccoli as well as carrots are a good instance). Of training course, decreasing your wastage is likewise eco friendly with much less waste being sent the rubbish dump.

Tip # 4 Mix Your Protein Sources

My last suggestion for assisting to maintain your grocery expense to a minimum is interested in 'clever' purchasing your most costly food thing - protein.

An typical bodybuilder will certainly take in some 300g+ healthy protein daily from numerous sources, the most common being:

( Item - Protein g - Price ₤ - ₤/ 300g healthy protein)

Chicken - 23/100 - ₤ 9.90/ Kg - ₤ 13.04/ 300g

Eggs: 8.5 g per egg - 30p each egg - ₤ 10.59/ 300g

Peanut butter (organic) - 26/100 - 70p/g - ₤ 8.08/ 300g

Tuna - 27/100 - 70p/100g - ₤ 7.78/ 300g

Whey - 85/100 - ₤ 13/Kg - ₤ 4.59/ 300g

That's quite a variant in the daily expense of protein, in truth almost ₤ 8.50/ day between the most affordable (Whey) and also the highest (hen).

I have actually provided a small comparison of the most usual protein sources used by bodybuilders but ideally you can see that by mixing your healthy protein resources, you can make day-to-day financial savings that will rapidly add up.

Obviously, you're selection in protein resources is influenced by greater than simply cost, private taste and macro-nutrient equilibrium demand to be taken into consideration yet I want you to value the significant difference in protein costs.

Now please don't shoot me down on these figures, they exist as an instance of my very own experience only. I make sure if you search for the finest offers you'll be able to locate reduced (and even greater) costs at any offered time.

I'm showing these figures simply to highlight the significant variation in the cost of different healthy protein sources as well as exactly how bearing this in mind when making your choice could have a noteworthy result on cost.

Final Word

There you go after that 4 useful, achievable pointers to assist lessen your grocery bill. By buying in bulk as well as minimizing your waste, you're assisting to cut your costs from both ends.

One last suggestion, if you could pay for one as well as have the room, purchase on your own a little 2nd freezer. Mine is constantly packed with poultry, lean mince, fish and icy veggies so I never ever run short of supplies!

Say farewell to the normal bland and unsavory typical muscle building diet and also greet to yummy, protein packed meals.

#bodybuilding #bodybuilding workout #exercise #gain muscle mass #weight #work out #workout

[theaspiringwanderess]

My Sportspal Canoe

Last year, after canoeing the North Saskatchewan in 2018, I decided to purchase my very own canoe so I could head out on epic journeys without having to rent or tag along. I found a little gem on kijiji, a 14 ft sportspal, that had been sitting on some farm land and needed a little love. With Covid hitting earlier this year (2020), it became a great project for a few weeks before taking it out on my first solo-planned multi-day canoe adventure to Murtle Lake this summer.

Sportspal is generally not thought of as a paddling/portaging canoe, it is considered more of a fishing canoe. However, it is one of the most stable canoes on the market. The canoe has two large foam sponsons on either side and liner itself is buoyant and will float regardless of any damage to the canoe itself. The broad middle also makes it great for holding a couple packs. Now, that’s not to say it can’t sink if the canoe sustains any damage, it just is a great fail safe and personally gave me a lot of peace of mind with a novice hiking friend in tow on a large, cold mountain lake.

The 14ft Sportspal can carry up to 500lbs but as an aluminum canoe, only weighs a fraction and is easily carried by tiny little me. I love it, and while some might argue my choice, it served us extremely well on our maiden voyage. I would caution the aluminum is very thin and so extra vigilance must be given to anything that can puncture it. It will not fair well with rough treatment as a fibre glass or royalex one might.

There are 2 companies that produce Sportspals, one in the United States called Meyers, and another in Ontario, Canada called BW Marine. Both models are very similar, the US version is a single sheet of aluminum, while the Canadian version is two pieces riveted along the bottom. Mine being the Canadian version, I called BW and the wonderfully helpful Jarod in their sales section helped me order a new liner, replacement ribs and decals (which I’ll apply after I repaint it). His help was invaluable, so shoutouts are needed (Thanks Jarod!!). 

To replace the liner I would have to carefully remove each rib. But, before doing so, I started by marking where the ribs originally were on both sides of the canoe. I then carefully pushed each rib out of place and laid them on the ground beside the canoe in their correct order. You must be very careful not to twist or bend them because it’s nearly impossible to get them back into the same shape once you do and it does affect the tensile force they place on the canoe to round it out and keep it strong. The old liner was in rough shape so removing them was easy.

I took out the old liner, placed it on top the new one and used it to trace out the new liner. I watched several you tube videos on what others suggest before proceeding, it was really helpful and I recommend doing some visual research of your own if you attempt this.

Before putting the new liner in I inspected all the rivets. Someone had done some rudimentary work to before and used screws which were rusting. I removed all the screws from the gunwales and cap and replaced them with aluminum rivets. Its important to do this before adding the liner because if you have to drill some out, which I did, you have aluminum shavings everywhere which can damage your liner. I then used two cans of spray on sealer and went over all the edges inside and out, just to be safe.

While the liner was out, I also gave the body a good look over inside and out for debts and used an aluminum epoxy I got on Amazon to fill in areas of concern. This was really easy to use and the expoxy dried within an hour. I also cut off a pieces of the epoxy and wrapped it well in air-tight plastic wrap and a ziplock bag to take with me on the trip for emergencies, which served me well after the Murtle Lake river incident; we didn’t puncture the canoe, but we did get a slight, but questionable, scratch so I was able to use this epoxy in the field just to be safe.

Once I was satisfied the body was water tight and structurally sound, it was time to add the new liner. After putting it in, I tucked the edges under the gunwales and made sure the fit was snug. It has to be cut perfectly so it fits the same as the original liner. I then used a rubber mallet and wood shafts to tap the ribs back into place. This was, by far the hardest part. The widest ribs are the easiest and slide right in, but as you get towards the ends where the smaller ribs are it gets much more difficult. I admittedly tore my liner in a few places at the front (heartbreaking). The ribs are extremely tight fitting with the new liner. I later went over the rips with more spray on sealant so if it rains the water doesn’t get in there and pool or it didn’t catch on things and rip more.

Rather than throw away the old liner and left over cuttings from the new liner, I found ways to reuse them. I added an thin extra removable layer in the front under the cap to protect the canoe from anything stowed under there. While I had them off, I also traced out the sponsons on the older liner and added an extra layer between them and the canoe for added buoyancy. The sponson will have to be replaced also, but I’ll do that later as the parts can really add up shipping them from Ontario to Alberta. This will tie me over until I can manage that and add a little extra safety. I also used scraps from the new liner to pad some new seats and make them cushy! And padded my friend’s roof rack rails to protect my canoe.

Lastly, I bought some long bamboo poles, split them in threes, cleaned them out and tied them inside the canoe to the floor to add some strength for the packs so the weight was distributed along several ribs and not directly on the floor in one spot. I used a coated wire so it wouldn’t rust or tear the liner and I carefully laced it under the ribs. It also gives a place for passengers to put their feet. The ribs aren’t held in place by anything except tensile force, and while they’re in there pretty snug and most would be hard to push, if you have someone who is a bit clumsy and kicks one hard enough, it could spring right out. It also suddenly weakens your canoe. So I liked the idea of having somewhere feet could rest. Bamboo, compared to any other wood is stronger and lighter, and naturally antimicrobial. It still can mold with time and you may to replace it, but it’ll take longer than your average hard wood and won’t weigh down your canoe.

I also invested in some good quality, bent shaft wooden paddles from Grey Owl. They came highly recommended for anyone with wrist injuries and were very light and comfortable for long trips. I’ve canoed with aluminum paddles before and I assure you, these are amazing and you won’t go back lol. I also bought paddle leashes. These paddles run about $80/each give or take if you get sale maybe. So it’s worth making sure someone doesn’t accidentally drop it in the water. I bought a child’s size Grey Owl paddle as an emergency also and strapped it inside the canoe. It was shorter, but only $25 so a great stand in for emergencies.

After getting everything assembled we took it out on a test run in a local park to practice our paddling and she did great. I would note that the shape makes it easily paddled by one person sitting in the very front. Other canoes can be manned by a single person in the middle or back, but ive found so far that a single person paddling at the front of this canoe seems to make the best headway. The back of the canoe is also flat and can accommodate a small electric motor. Lastly, even though it’s super light and I can carry it on my own, if you’re walking a distance, you’ll need to learn to either carry it on your back or get a small canoe cart. Because of the wide shape it may hard to hold and gets hard on the fingers after a while.

All in all it was a lot of work, but I just love the end result and I’m so proud of it. It’ll require a little more work yet, and a paint job eventually. But, I highly recommend this little canoe and it will accompany me on many future adventures to come! Read more about how she did on her maiden voyage on my Murtle Lake Post!

#canoe #Sportspal #Sportspal canoe #outdoors #nature #wildlife #hiking #canoeing #hikelife #hike #aluminum canoe