#I have more to say I can start comparing lines directly from Awakening and how they have more of the vibe of the boy

[dentos-wife]

Let’s talk about Grima and how the characterization has changed a bit since Awakening, where let’s be honest there’s not much character there. But I feel like the little amount we got only of the Grimas portrays the original character now. I’ve been watching people fight over this back and forth in various places so I did a comparison and brought in some friends who don’t know Fire Emblem for their thoughts.

TLDR version: MGrima is the only one who captures the world ending hateful fell dragon vibe while FGrima has been feminized and softened because she’s the girl version and I hate it when media does this

With their base versions it was more like the Corrins or the Byleths general same message but a squint or you miss it difference

Male:

“I am the wings of despair. I am the breath of ruin. I am the fell dragon, Grima. Pay me the respect I am due, and I promise you a painless death”

Female:

“I am the wings of despair. I am the breath of ruin. I am the fell dragon, Grima. Pay me the respect I am due, and I will consider granting you a quick death when the time comes.“

Super similar, the boy however comes off as more threatening, no when the time comes or considering it. This is where the tiny differences started

Castle lines

Male:

“Ha. You fight for world peace? Stay your tongue. Such pretty little words sicken me.”

“My mind becomes muddy when I try to recall certain things... A side effect of traveling through space and time? Curse this frail body.”

“You fight for the happiness of all the people in this world? Hahaha, tell me... Did you come up with that little motto all by yourself? Go on, you can tell me what your heart truly desires.”

“You show promise, despite being human. If you continue to appease me, I may let you serve me.”

“Rite after rite, and still my memories refuse to return. This is beyond infuriating.. Maybe I'll go start a war to cheer myself up.”

Female:

“Wriggle like a worm trying to escape my boot, or die squished like a worthless maggot. Either way, you are little more than an insect.”

“Ugh... My splitting head... I remember nothing of my time in that other world... Nothing at all.”

“How about you stop pretending to be so selfless and tell me what you really wish for? Maybe I can grant it...”

“You show promise, despite being human. Of course, that's like being the smartest worm in the dirt. But still... I see enough in you that I could entertain the idea of keeping you by my side.”

“Memories or no, I will lay waste to the world all the same. You think me so fickle I'd change my mind?”

Still very similar but the male has slightly more personality by laughing and making little remarks here and there that the female doesn’t, still subtle though not a big deal it’s in what you prefer like most with an avatar preference and it’s still the same base character, however the female for whatever reason does come off as softer

Let’s do their confessions

Male

“You are a curious one... You willingly come to chat with me? The fell dragon? Alone? You know full well how I detest humans. They have no qualms asking for divine assistance when it meets their fickle needs... But how quick they are to shun their benefactors once they get what they desire. They become arrogant and make the same mistakes repeatedly, incapable of learning the folly of their ways. They claim their actions are for the good of others, but that's merely a show of self-indulgence. Humans are selfish. And the ugliness of mankind has turned me repulsive. It's the world that wants me to be evil. And yet you claim to need me here? Enough of your lies, worm. How dare you look at me with such a gaze. Do not dare pity me!”

Female

“Come to butter me up some more? How very irksome. I've nothing to chat about with a human. Humans spout their ideals, but it's nothing but lip service. Let's all join together and hold hands, you'll say. We can overcome our differences despite being different species, despite our differing core ideologies. The truth is what you see daily in this place. Day after day, night after night, all you have is never-ending war. One person's satisfaction means another must suffer. That is the truth of all worlds. But my power of destruction is the one true equalizer. If you think there's someone out there capable of leading the world with such high-minded ideas of love and bonds... I'd love to meet them. Hmph. After all that, you still talk your big talk? Very well. I'll watch over you... Right until your bitter end.“

It’s still extremely slight but the differences become more clear here, They’re the same lines but the male is more angry and the female more bitter. However it’s the same character. Granted if it were up to me the girl would just have the boys lines since Awakening they are the same but I get it, no one wants a copy. This was a good way to do the similar but different vibe of them though it still does have the female can’t be as angry stereotype bleeding through. It’s not perfect I’d make her angrier but it could be a lot worse. And then it gets worse…

Let’s talk about the Halloween alts because that’s when everything completely goes haywire. The outfits for one

Okay so yes this is a silly festival and both are fanservice it’s a fanservice game I get that but which one comes off as a more imposing force? The male’s ears look real his claws look sharp he actually looks like a threat goofy outfit or not. The female on the other hand has costume ears and booty shorts. She looks like a parody of the boys outfit.

She got an outfit like this because she’s a girl. But sadly it doesn’t stop there. The *lines* even sound like a parody

Male:

“If I had my way, this absurd festival would not exist...since there would be nothing but ruin in my wake.”

"Trick or treat?" Pah. Try "the utter destruction of the world, or treat." And I do not have a sweet tooth.

“Giving thanks for the harvest? Hmph. Of course you worms would waste time on something so meaningless. Resources exist to be consumed. It's as simple as that.”

“Before you play a trick on me, think hard of the consequences. Surely even a worm like you can imagine it”.

“You think I'm enjoying all this? Perhaps in your complacency you've forgotten the danger you're in.”

Female:

“I hoped to find the power I seek at this harvest festival... But it seems that was a mistake.”

“Festivals are nothing more than a brief reprieve from despair. The vain struggle of a worm...”

“Submit or suffer!...Must I say "trick or treat"? How dull.”

“If you intend to play a trick on me, it will be your last. Such foolishness is absolutely intolerable.”

“Costumes are a fool's amusement. Who was it who said it would be enjoyable, again? I'll kill them first.”

But hey I liked MGrima since his debut, loved his personality so I could be coming into this with a bias. So! I asked some friends who knew nothing about FE hey what vibe do these characters give off and is it the same vibe? Here’s their lines have fun. Here’s the result of that conversation

“I know this is not a general way to tell quality but . . . Male Grima dialogues are not only richer but also way longer in both cases lol and honestly? They could very well be saying the same here, the dialogue should stay the same or almost the same here they're supposed to treat the same topic with SMALL variations, since they're supposed to be the same person you know? But each convo seems to be about something completely different. He comes out to me as emo (in the most positive way), while she's supposed to be Btchy Daughter of Actual Evil Boss. He's somewhat menacing, and the way he talks makes him look (from my POV) like a depressing person to be around, a party pooper. YET I guess his words are too strong for a girl's mouth so that's why she gotta be cute about this instead. She can't be too deep or serious, that's not interesting in a girl”

Agree? Disagree?

The confessions are honestly the best example of this problem because one is uh not as deep let’s say

Male:

“It seems you possess a grave misunderstanding of the harvest festival, [Summoner]. You may celebrate nature's bounty, but remember that there are winners and losers in every exchange. For you to gain something, someone else must lose it. What brings joy to you casts bitter sorrow upon another. Those without the will or power to resist can only be crushed underfoot. Such is the nature of the harvest. Now you see the world through the Fell Dragon's eyes. Thus, I ask you: Are you the hunter or the hunted? Consider well your path. For my part, I will continue to reap the harvest's bounty through ruin and despair!”

Female:

“Enjoy your short lives while you can, worms. Before long, utter darkness will smother you... Although... These sweets are quite palatable. Subtle sweetness with a delicate mouthfeel, I— Yah! How long have you been there, [Summoner]?! What did you hear?! No, nothing! There was nothing TO hear. Yes. I wish to harvest ruin and despair. Sweets harbor no interest for me. But next time the harvest festival comes around, I expect an invitation. Promise me, lest I am forced to destroy this world. You understand...”

From another friend who also knows nothing about FE

“The male one sounds like he's speaking from experience, like he's witnessed or taken part in many wars or other kinds of conflicts, and has crushed people who believed they were more powerful than him with his own hands The female one's personality is closer to a tsundere“

Look at how you can actually get Grima’s personality from his lines and not so much the girl. Now imagine flipping them. The male is the tsundere candy lover and the girl is the ancient old dragon, does that make you realize how weird it is?

MCorrin and FCorrin have matching halloween alts in comparison and even have the same lines with slight differences, they’re like twins

Which is what you’d expect with the literal same character just in a different body. Alas...

Which now brings us to the next alt of all, based off this cipher card

Boobs! And sexualization to the max, the hehe I’m evil pose? the daintiness it’s so...

Her lines too, she whispers “devote yourself to me entirely” seductively, I bet they will not do that with the male, if they do I’ll eat my words and gladly

So I showed my friend this one’s lines and says hey thoughts?

“the dominatrix fetish is too blatant, but like not in a cool way you know, the classical of a girl that is introduced as this ruthless being of doom but gets nerfed mid-story when she falls in love with the unremarkable plain male prota of this proto harem, and she like . . . Has Been Secretly Soft And Needy All This Time and literally drops everything she's after to become An Ideal Wife for the male prota, picks up feminine interests and hobbies in hopes to be more appealing to him that's the vibes I get from this female Grima or whatever she's supposed to be“

She’s very curious what the matching males lines are going to be

But this brings me to my point why is Grima so different depending on if he has a male or female vessel? It really shouldn’t be this way, in Awakening Grima’s lines were exactly the same no matter if it was MRobin or FRobin because Grima is a murderous humanity hating dragon but since Halloween...man you do not get that vibe from the girl anymore. You do from the boy. I know why it’s like this sex sells yada yada yada. I also know the boy gets some of it like the damage art but that’s damage art, almost everyone has it, FGrima here goes above and beyond that to softening her lines and doing an evil queen vibe and that’s a crime dammit!

Like yeah I know the base does this to both and it’s fine when it’s the fanbase but when CANON does it to only one of them, it’s flat out sexism

MGrima alt based off this cipher card when? If hers was based off the cipher card I doubt he’s sharing her outfit but if he does I demand the same girly pose; it’s equality

And then once they’re matched up again stop with the Grimas and never bring them out again, we didn’t need this many Grimas go back to Robin. I like Grima I’ll take his alts (no longer the girl unless they stop the uh fetishing tbh I’m a little uncomfortable with this recent one...) but this is a crime for both Robin now. FRobin being an GHB unit has no resplendent and no version in the main pool. She unlike MRobin did get a seasonal to herself earlier this year though. In comparison MRobin has a resplendent but if you don’t count the duo and some don’t because Chrom is the lead, hasn’t gotten an alt to himself since 2017. And since we got FGrima sounds like he has to wait longer for that since MGrima would drop first.

Unless we get an MRobin to go with this FGrima but that opens up even *more* sexualization issues; FRobin is only popular when evil and sexy so that’s the alt she gets while the male gets to be himself? Eeeh that’s really gross. So in that regard I hope we get one more MGrima and they’re shoved in the closet for good, allowing the real Robin’s to shine. Halloween was a neat idea the werewolf represented the Robin to Grima connection in a cool way considering werewolf lore and it was a good alt choice well...for the one who actually looked like a werewolf...

I know this is a problem of female sexualization and FE is not the only franchise where this is a problem but man GRIMA?!

And okay you could argue well M and F Robin are probably the most difference in personality avatars we have and you’re right but that makes it even stranger. FRobin is ever so slightly meaner and harsher than MRobin who is a little kinder. So then why would having Grima take over make MRobin the meaner and harsher one shouldn’t it stay on FRobin?

I only like the characterization on MGrima at this point, Girlma (as I call her) now feels like a completely different character, a toned down female parody of the other and it’s a damn shame even the creature that wiped out all of humanity and sent the world into despair got the “girls need to be sexy or cute” treatment.

Anyway that’s just me, FGrima fans you guys are cool if you like her that’s wonderful don’t take this as an attack or anything I just wanted to write out my thoughts that have been bothering me since the Halloween alts which should have been the final Grima alts but...you know money

#grima #feh #I'll tag it for discussion purposes #I want to talk about it with others too if I can #long rant no one probably cares about #but this alt sent me over the edge man #and if you like the characterization differences between the two that's absolutely fine and you're valid #I just really don't like the oversexualization girls get and she's a symptom of the problem #and I'm tired #I’ve saw someone say that the Waifufication of Grima is comparable to if they dropped a Mario gacha and put Bowsette in it. #and man if that isn't the truth #oh and before I forget I don't mind it if characters are sexy Camilla is great I love her but it fits her character you know? #I have more to say I can start comparing lines directly from Awakening and how they have more of the vibe of the boy #but as you can see this post is already hella long

[greenhappyseed]

MHA 409 Review — The Extra and the Pebble

Ch 409 is a really interesting continuation of the action in 405-406, prior to the AFO backstory in 407-408. These few panels of Yoichi and AFO in the OFA-AFO mind palace (406 on the right; 409 on the left) tell us a LOT about AFO and how he’s been affected by Katsuki.

I’m not even sure what’s left of AFO. Is he fully baby-fied now? Is he down on the ground like Toya and Himiko? Throughout the chapter, it looked like AFO was gaining a pupil in his right eye, which is the one Katsuki doesn’t have at the moment. Is this just clever art mirroring or hinting at AFO’s next move????

Unlike 407-408, this chapter focuses on Katsuki. I don’t think it tells us something we didn’t already know — Katsuki was born to a couple with a happy, functional marriage who loved and wanted him. He has a strong and versatile quirk. He’s powerful, smart, and strategic. And yet, at the start of the story all those advantages combined made him more of a brat than a hero. But it’s different now. The final page really shows how Katsuki has connected it all. See how the lines of his explosion frame the rest of the page? How the left line points directly to his dialogue about not being alone? And below Katsuki are all the influences that have supported him — All Might, his parents, and Yoichi/OFA (via Izuku).

Katsuki is going all out at the end, breaking his right arm (again) but able to pull off one last huge blast due to the brace All Might gave him (like Izuku using Melissa’s gauntlets in Two Heroes). If his gambit of dropping sweat beads in AFO’s mouth didn’t pay off, he would have delivered the blast sooner, but luckily his ploy worked.

FWIW, Katsuki dropped the beads in AFO’s mouth right when AFO was shouting about Kudou and Katsuki said his name was Kacchan, because Kacchan is a clever kid.

Katsuki is also acknowledging directly that he could not have soloed AFO. Even though he’s awesome, there’s a limit to what he (or ANY one person, including All Might) could do alone. Seeing as Yoichi’s message to Izuku has always been, “You are not alone,” it further emphasizes how Katsuki has grown to adopt the spirit of OFA. The kid who thought needing help was a sign of weakness, and who thought Izuku holding out a hand was mocking him, now understands the importance of accepting that hand. Standing on the shoulders of giants helps one see further. :)

Moreover, Katsuki is now motivated by helping Izuku and getting out of Izuku’s way. Izuku isnt the pebble in Katsuki’s path — Katsuki is the one in the way of Izuku. Back when 362 dropped, I wrote about how Katsuki’s death was very Buddhist in that he had to lose all his physical attachments (including his body and quirk) to achieve a spiritual awakening. It seems like that worked, and now Katsuki is genuinely, truly appreciating all the gifts he has, as well as his role as a piece of something bigger. He’s no longer demanding that others get out of his way, but rather thinking about when HE has to move for someone else. The kid who pathologically couldn’t walk behind someone else is now able to get out of his own way AND clear the path for others.

This fits the pattern we’ve seen numerous times in the final arc with a hero accepting a villain’s taunt in order to defeat them. Of course Katsuki takes a different tactic than, say, Shoto (“A half-baked dummy, that’s me”). Katsuki yells he’s the final boss, he’s not a filler character, etc. But the point is the same. Katsuki is accepting he has one quirk; he’s NOT physically bound to the OFA-AFO quirk; he IS a pebble compared to AFO. His role IS to support Izuku….and it takes absolutely nothing away from him whatsoever. Katsuki has his stupid awesome quirk, his intelligence, his strength, his commitment, and people who care about him. He can play his part to the best of his ability and deliver a big win for the heroes.

#bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha 409 #mha 409 #Katsuki bakugo #Kacchan #gemg dynamight #AFO #all for one #bnha meta #mha meta

[megashadowdragon]

in three houses there is no evil or villains route

all 3 lords have various degrees of moral greyness or questionable decision

dimitri , edelgard and claude ( also applies to three hopes ) they are all  have moral greyness. and azure moon has points for the development and his soft areas while edelgard  for the rebellious tones ( people have compared the three routes and lords to persona 3 persona 4 and persona 5 with p3 to dimitri and blue lions edelgard with the phantom thieves both wanting to reform society even using questionable means to do so)

not to mention fire emblems tendency with dragons as antagonists ( and being the ones to start conflict   with humanitys responding with terrible behavior like earth dragons actions caused human to be racist with  manaketes

not to mention mila nad dumas who reminded me of rhea actions  leading to their respective countries reflecting them in their degenerated states

and later games evened out the tension with fates ( not to mention the scouring reverse of the trend where humans started the problem 

not saying all dragons are evil but acting like its just humans causing problems not the dragons and humans should just leave them alone is the lesson is also ignoring the history of fire emblem

rhea is not naga she was someone who tried to contrl humanity in its palm 

to the point of restricting technology  preventing the growth of humanity like the printing press  ban which would enable alot more books to be printed and possibly lead to commoners learning how to read

or autopsies or ban on black flammable liquid/oil which could be used for a lot of purposes  as we know today oil was considered liquid gold and used as  fuel

and it could have earned faerghus a good amount of wealth

and autopsies could ahve been used to  expand medical sciences 

if experimented on 

I'm curious how widespread literacy is in various Fire Emblem settings now. In Awakening, it seems semi-common (Donnel was taught how to read by his grandma, and it's treated as a possibility that he couldn't when it comes up rather than an oddity that he can) but I'd assumed Fodland, with the printing press as a near miss, was one of the settings with wider-spread literacy. Guess it's pretty rare in the series in general. I think Ylisse might be batting above 550, but that's probably the highwater mark. Fodlan is explicitly low-literacy outside of the upper 1%, thanks to Rhea and co. Every additional bit of info on Fodlan gone into this; the base game and the Ashe support, the DLC has the banning of the printing press, FEH has one of Annette's lines be "wow books are super expensive in Fodlan so I'm going to read as much as possible here" and now Ashe comes out directly to say "hey, you were just a rando merc, right? how come you can read?" rhea banning and restricting technology makes her even worse

and is why I say she shouldnt be in power

and to be frank each ending with three houses ends with rhea out of power ( so its basically sending the message that it was a good thing 

there is no villain route and each of the routes/lords are morally grey the game makes nno moral judgements on them 

 crimson flower route has rebel overtones

in three houses there is a gray to gray morality in each lord/faction does morally dubious things  or get their hands dirty while there are some evil people in a faction they dont reflect the faction as a whole ( the agarthans in cf  an ally of necessity)

the gray will be mitigated if byleth joins the faction 

The faction you choose to ally with will overall end up mitigating their grayness , while the opposing factions may become less gray and more antagonistic as a consequence. For instance, if you ally with Edelgard, she will not be as brutal or cold as she would be otherwise (and outright draws attention to how your support has kept her from falling into such behavior), while Rhea will become more unhinged and cruel due to the traumas of war and Byleth's change in allegiance. Allying with Dimitri will enable him to turn into a savior king, and not turning on Rhea will lead her to a Heel Realization in every route. Basically, whoever Byleth sides with will become the best version of themselves, though there will still be traces of gray remaining.

“Rhea a.k.a. Seiros, whose leadership has stagnated Fódlan and who has done some extremely questionable things in the name of keeping the peace and resurrecting Sothis is the big bad in cf

.

#fire emblem three houses #fire emblem warriors three hopes #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #claude von riegan #edelgard von hresvelg #edelgard hresvelg #fire emblem edelgard #archbishop rhea

[void-kissed]

For that writing thoughts thing, the "taken life, given soul," do you have any thoughts you'd line to share about that? :D I loved it a lot! (dragonsmooch)

Ah yes, my most recent piece of writing!! I can definitely come up with some stuff to talk about from that one for you, friend!~

(source: this post by void-kissed - hey, that's me!)

Name a piece of writing that I’ve posted, and I’ll give you some thoughts and analysis of it! - Alright, let's see what comes to mind! This might get long because I'm not very good at being succinct, so I'll put it all under a readmore if that's alright.

The main thing about this piece is that it's essentially from Vanea's perspective more than anything, and it isn't always as easy to write my F/Os' perspectives compared to my self-inserts' (since, well.. my self-inserts are me, so that makes it easier). It also didn't help that I'm a lot less familiar with the overarching details of the first Xenoblade Chronicles game than I am with XC2 (which, as an aside, is not the second Xenoblade Chronicles game - X should never go unremembered!). But I tried to make it work!

For example, in the opening paragraphs to set the scene, I tried to portray the background events in the sort of way the Machina might be thinking of it, as opposed to the Homs and other residents of Bionis (for example, describing the attack on Colony 9 as "provid[ing] the Mechon with some valuable resources", not really detailing the fact that those resources largely consisted of human beings.)

I also tried to draw attention to the fact that Vanea is, at heart, a scientist, when you think about it! Hence her making sure to keep close tabs on all the parameters, and initially referring to Citri as an "anomaly" in the experiment, and the fact she took an interest in the memories she saw of Citri being a nerd and doing research and stuff with Shulk.

The other girl who got captured and brought to Vanea at the same time as Citri was Fiora, who is actually the one present for the cutscene my writing replaces in the game (although you don't find that out in-game for a while). She's also a childhood friend of Shulk, hence why she was picked out as a potential vessel for Meyneth.

The wound she had sustained was based on when Metal Face stabs her in the game, hence specifically using the phrase "clawed at her clavicle" because Metal Face's weapons are long sword-like claws. Him hitting Fiora's clavicle specifically was partially to provide some nice alliteration, but it also explained why she couldn't have worked as Meyneth's vessel here, because the soul component goes on the pilot's chest.

The section where Face Nemesis is actually assembled, and Vanea is saying lots of short sentences that are all on different lines, was mostly directly copied over from the in-game cutscene my writing replaces. This is how it actually goes, if you were curious:

In terms of differences from the in-game cutscene, I didn't really know how to add in Vanea spotting the damage dealt to Metal Face, so I sort of half-worked it into the "worrying news about a new wielder of the Monado arising" at the start. You can also argue that taking that bit out and moving the interruption about Egil to later on is because Vanea was distracted by how things went with Citri (because she was expecting Lady Meyneth to awaken, not Citri herself).

Another difference is that Vanea's dialogue is slightly expanded, and this is actually because this isn't the first time I've portrayed this scene. The extra lines added in are from the caption I put on a render I made last year showing Citri as Nemesis' pilot!

In the writing, the mechanical hands that Citri should have been fitted with weren't able to be properly fixed, which is why Vanea decides to risk keeping her biological ones instead. This is actually based on something that happened out-of-story - namely, the fact that the mechanical hands that were meant to go on Citri's reference model wouldn't fit typical MMD bone structures properly, so I ended up keeping her base hands instead. So they did quite literally break both in and out of the game, haha! But I like to think it works out, because the fact that the only "organic" parts of Citri left are her head and her hands gives moments like holding hands with Vanea much more significance ^-^

Overall, I also kind of tried to convey the fact that all of this interaction that Vanea ends up having with Citri was not supposed to have happened, at least not according to Vanea's calculations. This is why I made such a thing of Vanea being surprised she remembered Citri's name - she's not supposed to have ever gotten to speak with her, really, yet she finds herself wanting to know more about her anyway. And she does, with time! And that eventually leads its way into the beginnings of a romantic relationship! Because I love Vanea! ^-^

Okay, this is about all I can think of for the moment. Please take a picture of Face Nemesis itself from the game for your troubles, and thank you very very much again for giving me this opportunity, friend ^-^

(For context to give a sense of scale: Citri fits in the torso part of Nemesis, sitting down! So.. yeah, it's pretty enormous.)

#a call from the void #heart of the void #selfshipping #love: a wish for peace (vanea) #selfship: a love to last millennia (vanea/citri) #sort of #self‑insert: vessel of nemesis (citri) #I also mentioned others but they were not the focus #of gods and titans (xenoblade chronicles) #out of the inbox #selfship asks #dragon tag! #thank you very much again for this opportunity friend~ i am still more than happy to take any more asks that are along these lines #and will be looking out for anyone else who reblogs the post so I can ask them the same sorts of things hehe #what can I say I just like hearing friends ramble #for now however it is two o'clock in the morning and I am Tired

[rainbowoverdragon]

Thoughts on Ryo

This is an analysis of Zane Truesdale/Ryo Marufuji, focusing on his mindset as well as his relationships with other people. As I am basing this off the original Japanese version for standardization, all names likewise are their sub counterparts.

When Sho obtains a rare and powerful card from his brother, he believes he has it made. After this, Sho finds the courage to confront his bully in a duel. So after he draws Power Bond, Sho thinks he has it made. He gloats to the bully, insulting him, making outlandish claims out of the arrogant belief that he can't lose. Before he can use it, Sho is interrupted by the very person who gifted him that card. "You aren't worthy to use that card yet. Until you have what it takes to be called a duelist, I declare that card off-limits.'' Devastated by this statement, Sho proceeded to view himself as incapable of dueling for years; unworthy of Power Bond. It’s an establishing character moment for both Marufuji brothers, setting Ryo up as an impossible standard to reach in Sho’s eyes. However, for Ryo, his intentions are revealed to be more well-intentioned than Sho is led to believe. In episode 8, Sho realizes that Ryo wished for Sho to treat his own power with respect: towards both his opponent and his high-risk high-reward cards. This constant cycle of good intentions and misplaced words leads to a negative feedback loop between the brothers that seems impossible to resolve. Ryo struggles to convey his own observations to others in a way that doesn’t come off as condescending. Sho cannot take things past face value, and places his brother upon a pedestal that he cannot surpass. After all, how can you beat perfection itself?

During his years in Duel Academy, Ryo is the embodiment of perfection. He is the opposite of his brother, never missing a single mark in any area. Everyone constantly refers to Ryo as “perfect”, from his teachers to his peers to even the Kaiser himself. He even soundly beats Judai in the first duel they have together, a feat seen as impossible by the audience. But it’s this very idea of perfection that haunts Ryo, as he believes that perfection implies stagnation. If Ryo has perfect scores in class, there is no way to improve them. If he reached the peak of his potential in one duel, that means it’s all downhill from there. His greatest fears are confirmed when he loses to Edo in the Pro Leagues, starting a chain of losses that ruins his career beyond repair. Ryo is perfect. He is so perfect, that during his school years he never truly struggled against an opponent (Aside from Judai in Episodes 51-52 however he maintained the advantage for the majority of the duel). In fact, he suffered from the opposite problem. As Ryo is too powerful, he’d purposely hold back until his peers could unleash their trump cards against him. Only then did he defeat them with just enough power to avoid humiliation. His first loss wasn’t only his first loss, it was the first time Ryo found himself in a disadvantaged position. His inexperience with failure led to him associating the mere act of struggle with the idea of loss. Ryo’s inability to move past this is his own self-fulfilling prophecy. Being afraid of failure makes people play to not lose. Playing to not lose instead of playing to win causes chokes, which results in losses. Unable to break from this cycle, Ryo is abandoned by his sponsors. Which is why the idea of Underground Duels, a place where he can start over and regain his bearings is so enticing. At least, until they reveal the condition.

And at first, Ryo despises the Underground. He appeals to be released, he states it’s not what dueling is, it’s nothing like he could ever imagine. And how could it be? Ryo’s life is on the line, and for no good reason. The shock collars are there to make things fun for the audience, not for any other benefit! In his duel with Sho, who says that 'this isn't dueling', Ryo even admits he thought the same thing. It spits on the very concept of respecting your opponent. The collars humiliate you, egging you on to forget about the other person. And in general, is amoral (as well as a human rights violation). Underground Duels are almost always life or death, because nobody fights harder than people who are convinced they are going to die. And Ryo is convinced that if he duels the way that he always has, if he clings into his morals, he will die. His opponent, Mad Dog, purposely created a deck to counter him. So why should he respect him? Why should he not aim to win? Why can’t he aim to survive? After crawling from hell, nothing is the same for the Kaiser. Because every duel is another reminder that he survived. He is unable to see any match he takes for fun, every duel to him is life or death. In the real world, there are people who lose and wither away, and people who win and thrive. And by god, he wants to feel alive. He spent so long losing, something utterly unthinkable for the Kaiser of Duel Academy. Ryo was undefeated before, now he truly wishes to not experience it again. If forcing himself to feel that every fight of his is to the death, literally or mentally, then so be it. He continues dueling in the Underground, continues to utilize the shock collars he once despised. No matter what cost, health or mind, Ryo requires victory.

When Ryo is told that his health is failing from his shock collars, he doesn’t seek medical attention. Because to Ryo, being alive is more important than living. He transformed into Hell Kaiser achieved the great power that comes from becoming a monster, at the cost of self-destruction. He flirted with death, and finally has to pay the price. And he doesn’t care. As long as Ryo obtains what he wishes, he is happy. And what the Hell Kaiser wants more than anything else, is one last duel to surpass all others. Ryo would rather reach the limit of his capabilities, and die meeting them than waste away quietly to be forgotten forever. Thus he seeks Yubel, the strongest monster spirit in the Universe. If he meets an opponent of his caliber and 'shines' during the mattle, then he’d have nothing to fear in death. But he does. After entering his long-awaited match, Ryo admits to not wanting to die. He wants to live, he wants to leave a mark that can never be forgotten. Yet he doesn’t want to die. Ryo has achieved everything he wanted, shown the strongest he has been or will ever be. Before he duels Yubel, he comes to a revelation. At first, Ryo wished to fight the strongest being to win. He doesn't care anymore. Ryo is dying, win or lose the result is the same. Since he turned Hell Kaiser, Ryo only respected victory. The joy he obtained by knowing he survived another duel is utterly meaningless against Yubel. What happiness does he obtain knowing he survived….when he isn’t going to live to begin with? He understands that the duel itself is what makes Ryo feel alive, doing the most with what remaining time he has with his life. As Ryo tells Judai, his death is the end of the road for people who glorify power. And thus it’s no surprise that Ryo is taken out by the card he is associated with most: Power Bond. A card that lets you receive unthinkable amounts of power, at the price of self-destruction.

Out of all the people who save Judai from himself, the Kaiser’s impact is one of the most apparent. It takes someone who knows the suffering someone else goes through to achieve empathy, especially in Judai's case. Judai struggles with sympathy, as shown with his interactions with Sho in Seasons 1-3. Whenever Sho asks for help with his confidence, Judai gives him the helpful advice of "Don't be anxious!" Judai cannot comprehend being insecure with one's capabilities, thus he cannot help Sho directly. In contrast, Judai is more receptive to empathy. Manjoume's crisis in Season 1 revolved around the pressure others placed upon him to succeed. Judai deeply understands his strife, and helps him fight for himself. This is why Misawa's speech about accountability fails to help Judai utilize Polymerization. Misawa has no fundamental basis to understand Judai's feelings. In contrast, Kaiser's duel with Yubel awakens Judai's character growth. Ryo is Judai's cautionary tale, a warning of self-fulfilling prophecies. During the Graduation Duel, Ryo tells Judai that he possesses infinite potential compared to himself. This rings true in watching Ryo's belief of his own lack of capability to change, resulting in his inability to change because he destroyed himself beyond repair. In contrast, Judai has not fallen to this path. Watching Ryo's descent as well as his late realization means everything to Judai: especially someone so responsive to empathy. This is because they are mirrors of each other, to the point their character’s arcs are entirely parallel to one another. Both are idolized for the power they hold over others, both of them experience the loss of the pedestal they once stood upon. Both achieve the sharpest fall from grace (against an opponent with ‘Mad’ in their title), which leads to them glorifying their own power and abusing it against others. Despite their friends trying to help them, it is ultimately up to themselves to self-actualize their shortcomings. However it is Ryo, who thinks he cannot change, who succumbs upon his own revelation. And it is Ryo, who always believed in Judai’s infinite potential even in the Graduation Duel, who changes Judai’s path. Without Ryo, Judai would be unable to utilize his power responsibly. Because Judai now knows what happens to people who push themselves too far, just like how he used to. Power is not something to be afraid of or abused, but to use responsibly.

The Hell Kaiser doesn’t entirely work for others; he even states he fought Yubel out of selfish motivations. However, Ryo is also constantly associated with lighthouses. To the people that mean the most to him, Ryo is a light that tries to guide others to safety. However lighthouses are far away from the people they try to save, and thus it takes the initiative of others to help themselves after seeing the light from afar. This is shown by Ryo’s relationships with the people he’s closest to remaining fundamentally the same from his own side: regardless of his actual guidance being positive or negative. Ryo’s actions and intentions around Sho remain the same across both his younger self and Hell Kaiser: each time trying to guide Sho to become the best version of himself. "Until you have what it takes to be called a duelist, I declare that card off-limits."", is the devastating statement Ryo told Sho as kids. But Ryo believed his brother needed to understand true power in respect, guiding Sho away from arrogance and towards the light of good. His brother's weakness required defending. This concept is twisted on its head once Ryo becomes Hell Kaiser, who only views power or meaning in victory. Thus he employs the same tactic, because Ryo does not see the difference between restricting Power Bond to teach respect, and having Sho experience the same pain he did to ditch it.

Both Ryo and Hell Kaiser sing the same song. Ryo intends on ‘protecting’ his weaker brother by teaching him right from wrong. Both times, Sho and Ryo misunderstand each other. At first, Sho doesn’t comprehend the real reason why Ryo forbade Power Bond. The second time, Ryo doesn’t understand how Sho can cling to his own beliefs of respect even if he loses because of it. However, the one time Ryo’s words connect is when he saves Sho in season 3. And even then, it’s an admission of distance between the two. Ryo sees Sho’s pain inflicted by Judai far outweighs what Ryo had done to Sho. Thus Ryo advises Sho to follow Judai, since it’s what his heart truly desired all along. He then leaves, to force Sho into walking his own path. Ryo cannot spell out Sho's wishes any more than he does. And if Sho is alone, then he is forced to swim instead of sink.

Ryo’s association with lighthouses in canon directly correlates to Fubuki. As much as Fubuki is associated with darkness, Ryo is quite literally the light that shines through to him. When Fubuki was overtaken by Darkness in the first arc, we later find out that Ryo regrets being unable to find Fubuki no matter how much information and effort he scrounged up. Fubuki then replies that the mere act of trying saved him, as he could see Ryo’s feelings in spite of the darkness that consumed him. To Fubuki, Ryo is the lighthouse that guides people through the darkness. And when Fubuki is overtaken by the Darkness in an attempt to save Ryo from it, Ryo’s feelings once again vanquishes Fubuki from the dark. However, instead of the Kaiser saving Fubuki, Hell Kaiser explicitly protects him from Darkness. Because the two are friends, even after everything Ryo’s been through. This leads Fubuki to a revelation that no one else understands: Hell Kaiser is not fundamentally different from Ryo. Fubuki realizes that even as Hell Kaiser, Ryo respected Fubuki. Why else would he save him from Darkness? Indeed, every interaction of Ryo’s major interpersonal relationships are fundamentally the same. It’s simply his worldview that shifted. As much as Ryo wishes to respect others, he doesn’t think he can in a world where everyone must take advantage of their life to the fullest extent.

And Ryo, who cannot change because he thinks he cannot change, stayed as he was until it was far too late to be saved.

#yugioh #ygo #yugioh gx #ygo gx #ryo marufuji #zane truesdale #gx

[sotorubio]

hi if it’s not too much trouble do you mind elaborating on the post about the cinematography being better in s7? bc i 100% agree and have been thinking the same but also haven’t really been able to articulate why? like if someone asked me this anon i wouldn’t be able to give them specifics but i KNOW it’s different. sorry 😅

it's definitely not too much trouble i already know this is gonna be long as shit bc i have so many Thoughts on the matter

it is indeed p hard to articulate so i'll give some examples & comparisons n share my thoughts based on that!

first i think it's important to recognize the context of a show like skam. it is made to represent every-day teenagers who might enjoy but not ever relate to characters & stories on some fantasy/murder mystery shows abt teenagers. the very core of skams is realism n accuracy to real life. we as the audience are not only supposed to be onlookers of the events we're meant to feel connected to the stories n relate to the main characters.

skamfr has some VERY beautiful shots if u look at them independently. if someone just showed me a screenshot of one of them i'd be like wow! that's stunning! but that's not what i'm supposed to feel when it comes to skams. if i go watch an artistic full length movie at the theaters i Do want to see beautiful shots that look like art n have a lot of symbolism behind them but when i watch skam i'm supposed to think "that could be me. that looks like my life" i'm not a lowly spectator who could never have such a beautiful life but instead the audience should see their lives directly put on screen.

skam france has been rly consistent w it tho! it's been their brand since like season 3.. but it did get worse in s5 & 6 i think bc they started to try too hard for original storylines. i think it's very intentional n if they were making another show i wouldn't say it's bad rly (altho sometimes it is that too bc they try too hard fmgjkd). out of context a lot of their cinematography works bc they usually tie it into the plot to represent the events but they just picked the wrong style for a web series. like babes u are not submitting this to the academy pls chill.

now let me introduce u to the most despicable shot in skam history (in my humble opinion)

HELLO??

now before anyone says. yes i know this sequence of shots has a purpose. this is exactly what i mean that if it was some other show w different goals it wouldn't be such an issue bc yeah this looks great right? it's a "sensory clip" we r supposed to "hear" what it's like to be deaf n specifically what it's like for arthur. but.

let's put this into skam context. we as the audience should see ourselves in arthur, not necessarily entirely but we should feel he's just like us, a teenager w his own unique struggles & life experiences. now tell me, when u feel depressed or sad or have had the worst week of ur life n u must drag urself to the shower... is this what it feels like? first of all do u take the shower in the fucking dark???? just for the aesthetic?? do u stand DIRECTLY in the middle letting the water hit u exactly on the top of ur head forming a symmetrical shade on u while u just... stand there. do u feel like ur ascending in the shower as u dramatically raise ur chin literally what the actual fuck is this. don't get me wrong sometimes u just actually do stand there doing nothing bc u just feel so horrible but that's not rly the feeling this clip awakens?

this leans a bit into the romanticization of arthur's season which wouldn't be as bad (still cringy but not as bad) if arthur had already accepted himself at this point but no he's basically suffering in the shower n we are looking at him like wow that's so pretty. let's imagine how we could make this clip feel more real n how we could actually see ourselves in him here:

stop making ur main characters of the season the main characters of the world. just bc arthur is feeling terrible doesn't mean the whole world imitates his feelings. in a symbolic movies masterpiece it would but not in a concept like skam. one of the worst things abt feeling terrible is seeing how the world just goes on around u. imagine how real it would feel like if he was in the shower w the generic yellowish light on that a lot of bathrooms have. we could see his silhouette slouching in the shower through a shower screen. or maybe a shot similar to the example pics but the ugly lights are on n the water is annoyingly dripping in his eyes & he doesn't look like they're trying to give him a halo n make him into a jesus archetype. the bathroom would look the same it looks on a rly happy day or a boring day bc this day only sucks for arthur n the universe isn't gonna come to his house to give him a cool background bc of it

same w this comparison

two underwater shots, both rly pretty & heavy on symbolism but the other one is literally waiting for those "this looks like a renaissance painting" comments n the other is rly pretty but still looks like real life humans who r not doing a photo shoot for vogue. which do u find more relatable? which situation makes u think Yeah that's real life?

like look at this camera position of "barely above water" this is like.. almost "ugly" but it's so fucking real n probably closest to the feeling of a first person point of view shot that u can get to

now the s7 camera decisions seem sooooo much better compared to all this. they have a lot of time to still make super dramatic shots that distance the viewer from the story line but so far so good. maybe they'll pick this up again to make the world revolve around tiff as she faces hardships but let's hope not 🙃

i genuinely love this shot like it's super down to earth & feels real but they have still easily kept in the symbolism. like tiff is literally putting walls between others n herself. jo feels like she's literally talking to a wall. tiff feels alone & secluded even tho someone is in the same room as her. yet they didn't have to make it look like smth out of an obscure indie film whose purpose is to have the audience in awe instead of representing them.

yeah the first person point of view of jo going in and out of frame while doing sit ups mightve been weird or cringy but 1. that's skam for y'all & 2. i'll choose that any day over arthur ascending like jesus in the shower.

#inbox #anon #skam france #long post

[caws5749]

Clouded Reality

A/N: it feels SO GOOD to be posting something again. Most of this was written last night, when i was ridiculously drunk aofiajewoi. but today, i fixed some of the issues and wrote the rest, and i’m not mad about it 

Promoting: my 1.5k celebration! pinned post!

It was late, after midnight, when you woke. What had awakened you, you had no idea. A creak of a door opening seemed to grab your attention, and you sat up quickly, afraid of who or what was entering your room.

“Natasha,” you sighed quietly, after realizing a familiar red-head had made her way into your room- well, it was her room too, at least for these few nights.

“Y/N,” she answered, quietly closing the door. 

“You’re home,” you observed quietly, sitting up further and resting on your elbows.

“I am,” Nat confirmed, already unzipping the front of her suit after dropping her bag near the door. 

“How was the mission?” you asked, your eyes still nearly closing from the desire to fall back asleep. 

“We can talk about it in the morning,” Nat answered, heading into the closet and grabbing her pajamas. 

“Okay,” you whispered, falling back against the pillows and sighing, your eyes falling shut. You waited for what seemed like an eternity until you felt the bed sink down next to you. You turned your head, eyes opening to see a gorgeous red-head lying next to you. You couldn’t help the smile that overtook your lips.

“What?” Natasha asked, her voice hardly more than a whisper.

“I just….. Missed you a lot,” you answered, eyes raking over her face, taking in the perfection that radiated from every inch of her. 

“I missed you too,” Natasha answered simply, deep emerald eyes focusing only on you. You let your eyes search her face for a moment more, before exploring the rest of her body. 

“How are you so perfect?” you heard yourself asking. 

“I could ask you the same,” her deep voice answered, humor and adoration evident in her tone. 

“Shut up,” you chuckled,” shaking your head in a small motion against the pillows.

“I’m sorry I woke you.”

“It’s no trouble,” you answered, a rehearsed answer you’d gone over thousands of times in your head. 

“Mhmm.”

“Do you need anything before you sleep?” you questioned.

“Perhaps a shower,” Nat answered, just as she was trained to do. Your heart skipped a beat. 

“Alone,” she continued. Your heart sank. Of course. After what had happened, last night, you weren’t surprised she wanted to be alone. 

“It’s just after midnight,” you breathed, your heart beating faster than it ever had.

“It’s late,” Nat admitted. You nodded, hoping she didn’t care. 

“I’m glad you’re awake,” she continued.

“What?” you chuckled, “you thought I wouldn’t be?” 

“I just know you like to sleep early,” Natasha answered, her green eyes searching your own.

“Well, when I’m at home, sure,” you admitted. Your hand reached to grab her arm. 

“But when I’m with you…” you trailed, eyes looking to the corner of the room. 

“What?” Nat asked. 

“I just…. I don’t mind staying up.”

“Why?” the spy probed. You found yourself wanting to lie, wanting to do anything but tell her the truth. But you couldn’t lie, not to her. 

“I just…. I wanted to know you were okay.”

“Don’t think I can handle myself?” the red-head asked if, a smirk playing at her lips. 

“That’s not it,” you chuckled, losing yourself in her beauty. “I just… I care about you."

Silence encompassed the already empty room. 

After a long three minutes, her smooth voice filled the room. 

“I care about you too.”

It didn’t feel the same, it would never feel the same unless you actually told her how you felt. 

“No, I…. I really care about you.”

And you wished she had said something, anything. But she didn’t. And now you were left confused and empty and upset, the line between a mission and real life blurred. 

So, you watched as she left an empty space in the bed beside you, as she made her way toward the bathroom, shutting the door. You heard the shower start, and you rolled over, your hand batting away a tear that had fallen, fresh from one of your eyes. 

++++++

By the time Nat had finished her shower, you’d fallen asleep once again. 

When she took her place in the bed beside you, you were unaware of her touch. You were unaware of the fact that Natasha’s hand had fallen to your arm, caressing it gently, before moving toward your shoulder, her nails lightly scratching at your skin. When her arm finally rested around your middle, you sank even deeper into your slumber, the weight of her touch lulling you even deeper into your unconscious state. 

Nat couldn’t help but wonder if you could feel her touch, wonder if the weight of her fingers was enough to lull you into the best sleep of your life. 

And wouldn’t she have liked to know, that it was indeed the best sleep of your life. Natasha’s fingers could get you to do anything, even fast asleep.

++++++

“Morning,” a voice woke you from your sleep. 

“Morning,” you answered, blinking the sleep from your eyes. 

“Sleep well?”

“Fine,” you answered, not entirely sure of the mood. 

“Breakfast?” Natasha answered, a smile tugging at her light pink lips. 

“After a shower,” you offered, yawning. 

“Want company?” 

Her question caught you off guard. You breathed in deeply before answering. 

“Why not?” you asked, a smirk encompassing your lips. 

With that, you were both out of bed, the quick journey to the bathroom giving you a head rush, and you practically fell directly into Natasha’s arms. 

“Careful,” she murmured, her face inches from yours. Your breath caught, and you found yourself searching her deep green eyes.

“Or what?”

Her lips slamming into yours was the only reply you got, your mission long forgotten. 

Your tongues fought as you made your way to the shower, the water becoming warm as your hands explored her body. 

“God, you’re beautiful,” you murmured, gasping for breath as your lips left hers.

“I am nothing compared to you.”

Your eyes went wide, gasping heavily as you took in her words. If there was anything that could turn you into a willful servant, it was that. 

You practically attacked her lips, pulling at her hair and skin in an attempt to become even closer to her. 

Somehow, you both ended up directly under the water that was beating down. Natasha’s hands were off your body quicker than you could have ever wanted. 

You turned, almost too upset that you’d lost her touch.

“Let me wash your hair.”

The softness of her voice had you completely under her spell. With you facing away from her, her hands began to run through your locks, massaging the cold shampoo into your scalp. It was, hands down, the best massage you’d ever received. It took everything in you not to moan. 

When you shivered, a result of her gentle touch, Nat was quick to notice.

“Alright?”

You let out a breath. 

“Of course.”

“Need the water warmer?”

“No.”

If only she knew that her touch was enough to send your body quaking. Feeling a bit of boldness, you turned to face her. When your E/C eyes met hers, you knew there was no turning back. 

“Make me regret nothing,” you begged quietly. Saying those words was a gamble, one you were nervous to make. It was hard to distinguish what was real, and what was nothing but an act. Being undercover with Natasha had warped reality. 

Whether it was real or fake, the woman naked in front of you gave you everything you’d asked for, and more, giving you several orgasms before finally shutting off the water that had long since grown cold. 

But then it seemed like that was it. 

With not even a single look back at you, Nat was gone, throwing on her clothes and leaving the room, leaving you standing alone, still wet on the cold tile. 

With a sigh, you toweled off, grabbing some clothes before taking a seat on the edge of the bed, mulling over Natasha’s words and actions. You felt like a teenager with her first crush. 

“Y/N!” Nat called from the kitchen. 

“Be right there!”

Whatever was real, you had to finish the mission, or rather, the mission within a mission. You supposed you’d just have to do it confused, living in a clouded reality.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x femreader #natasha romanov x reader #black widow x reader #natasha x reader #mine #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #black widow #natasha romanoff imagine #black widow movie #avengers x reader #marvel #mcu #avengers

[demonologist-in-denim]

What if in earlier seasons, Crowley was written as an amiable ally for the boys, rather than them disliking him. Imagine Crowley being established as “not as bad as other demons” in the Winchester’s eyes, as a semi-reluctant ally who – yeah, on occasion, puts his own interests first, but never directly threatens and even occasionally helps the boys. He’s still snarky, and he can still be an arse. But the boys know that as long as they don’t cross him, Crowley won’t mess with them. From Crowley’s end, that’s because keeping good relations with the infamous Winchester brothers is to his benefit. But then, they start to grow on him. And maybe he’s a little more lenient with the flannelled nightmares than he should be, a little indulgent, rolls his eyes and does a few favors for them. Which only further encourages the Winchesters, and later a less willing Castiel, to view him as a frenemy.

The rest of the early seasons is the same, except now, moving into season 6, the boys are willingly working with Crowley and Cas. They don’t like the idea of opening up Purgatory, but they understand that Hell and Heaven really do need to be taken in hand – and who else are they going to trust to do that? As things start to look really dark throughout that season, the boys start pushing back, start testing their relationship with both angel and demon, and Cas still betrays all of them and takes the souls for himself. And now there’s season 7, with Crowley working with the boys to stop Cas – Dean wanting to save him from himself, Sam and Crowley unhappily planning to kill the angel – Sam because he doesn’t think Cas can be saved, and Crowley because he wants his share of the Purgatory power. Unleash the Leviathans, and now we’ve got the King of Hell working closely and willingly with the boys to stop this new threat. Demons at their disposal, even. Which doesn’t put Crowley in a very good position in Hell, but he pushes on because it’s this or let the Leviathans eat the world. The Winchesters plus Crowley and a now restored Castiel manage to defeat the Leviathans, just as the demons rise up and dethrone Crowley. Hell is a free-for-all, and demons are loose in the world.

Then have all of season 8 be about demon in-fighting and the human casualties along the way. The boys work to get Crowley back on the throne, so he can restore some order. But that also means he’s temporarily dependent on them, in hiding with them from his former minions. Leads them to the Men of Letters legacy, which in turn leads to the bunker. Bring the British Men of Letters back in seasons earlier, alerted to the awakening of one of their old establishments in the States. Throw Abaddon into the mix, providing a competitor for Crowley laying claim to the throne, which would make him more susceptible to the help offered by the Winchesters, and unfortunately to the supposed support of the BMoL as well. By now, Crowley’s an unofficial member of Team Free Will, the boys well aware he chose saving the world (and them) over giving his full attention to Hell, leading to all this. There’s the sense that the four of them – plus Kevin and Charlie, at this point – are all in it together. Maybe even Meg is still around, maybe she’s trying to lead one of the demonic factions, and there is this whole I-care-about-you-but-we’re-on-opposite-sides between her and Cas. Crowley has softened, the same way Cas softened over time with exposure to humanity and the Winchesters.

Of course the tablets and Kevin came into play with the Leviathans. The BMoL reveal they have the demon tablet, and suggest Kevin might be able to find something on it to control demonkind and restore Hell. Big dramatic reveal to the Winchesters only, the BMoL admit that there is a means of closing the Gates of Hell permanently on the tablet – learned from a previous prophet whom, ahem, did not survive their duty – and now the Winchesters are torn between sparing the world from demons and betraying Crowley. Crowley, who is counting on them to help him get his throne back. Crowley who has begrudgingly and then more willingly worked cases with them while they’ve tried to find an answer to all of this. Crowley who led them to the MoL and the bunker in the first place. Who isn’t as bad as the rest of his kind, who Dean likes to go for a drink with and might even consider a friend. And just as the Winchesters decide they can find another way to close the Gates, Kevin discovers the necessary spell, and the BMoLs take advantage that there is a demon close at hand, and snatch Crowley to perform the demon trials.

And by the time the Winchesters race to his rescue – torn, because ending the trial means not closing the Gates, but damn it, he’s had their backs, so they’re going to have his – Crowley is in the last hour of the cure. Tells them to let it happen, let the trial be complete, the Gates slammed shut. His own soul restored. But there’s that whole thing with Metatron and Cas and the angels going on, so of course this is the moment the angels are cast out of Heaven. And Abaddon bursts in, maybe Meg comes to challenge her. And in all the chaos, the cure is never completed, time’s up, too late. The boys defeat the BMoLs, rescue Crowley, escape. Cas is lost somewhere in the world, human after what happened in Heaven.

Season 9 would be almost completely the same – Crowley’s blood addiction, searching for the Mark and the Blade, Abaddon, the angels, all of it – except, the Winchesters actually sympathize with Crowley. They express concern, ask after him, say maybe having regained something of his soul is a good thing. And Crowley is torn, because he can now really feel that affection he has for the boys, and he might very well have the option of a place among them, but also he knows Hell needs a ruler to keep demonkind in line, and he still likes power. The boys help him overthrow Abaddon, help him get clean of his blood addiction. Maybe there’s a scene where Crowley and Meg compare notes – he who went through the cure, and she who cares for an angel, neither of whom really fit with demonkind anymore. And by the time the season reaches the later episodes, with Crowley back on the throne and the boys working cases while trying to figure out what to do about Metatron, Crowley is an acknowledged, secret extension of Team Free Will. Makes changes to Hell, keeps demonkind under tight control, helps here and there on cases.

All of this, all of this headcanon, just to get to the point where the boys are always making side comments to Crowley about, you know, how if he wanted to give up Hell and join the three of them full time, he’d be welcome. Come on, just work one more case with us. Just this one about hellhounds. Just that one with vampires. Just one more, one more, one more. And Crowley acquiesces more than he knows he should. Cares about the boys and Cas more than he knows he should, hates Hell and demons more than he knows he should.

So that by the time the Mark takes Dean and turns him into a demon, it’s not only Sam and Cas that are hurt by it. It’s Crowley, too. Crowley who sees Dean turning into something truly evil, something worse than Crowley himself is now. And he agrees with Sam and Cas that he’ll take demon!Dean under his wing as his second-in-command in Hell until they find a cure, a cure for the Mark as much as for being a demon. Season 10 is all about Cas (who’s grace is fading) and Sam working to find a cure while working cases, and Crowley trying to keep Dean occupied with hunting down rebel demons and the like. He even sends the Knight of Hell after angels, to capture more grace for the fading Castiel. Throw Rowena – as Fergus’ ex-wife – in there, attempting to convince Crowley to share his throne with her, causing mischief. He would feel this deep sense of loneliness – demon!Dean isn’t the companion he was before the Mark, Rowena only wants power for herself ultimately, demonkind hates and is in open rebellion against him – and Crowley is beginning to admit to himself that he just doesn’t have this in him anymore, to be the kind of monster it takes to rule Hell. Maybe Dean even tries to take the throne from him, with Rowena’s help, and the acceptance by the demons of this alternative ruler is everything Crowley needs to finally break from old loyalties and the desire to rule, from demonkind entirely.

Realizing the situation is entirely out of control, Crowley, Cas and Sam work to capture Dean. They convince Rowena, who has now taken the throne of Hell for herself, to remove the Mark, thus removing a threat to her reign. Crowley makes an oath that if she will do this, he will never seek to retake the throne. An enraged demon!Dean is forced through the demon trials, in which he says the most horrible and hurtful things to Sam and Cas. And to Crowley, cuttingly demanding to know why the former king will put Dean through this, restore the hunter’s humanity, but not his own. Crowley doesn’t have an answer. He doesn’t have an answer because he realizes that, once, he would have said it was important he hold Hell, or that he wanted the power that came with being a demon, or that he was scared of facing what he’s done as a demon. In light of everything that has happened – the complete rejection by demonkind and the loss of Hell, the revulsion he feels after the aborted cure and Dean’s own time as a demon, and knowing he has a place here on Team Free Will – Crowley realizes he no longer has a reason not to complete the cure.

And in the last hour of the cure, with Dean almost entirely restored to himself, the hunter understands the demon better than ever before. Tells him, one of these days, it’s going to be Crowley in this chair, the cure coursing through him, the three of them gathered around him, supportive. And Crowley knows he’s right. It’s no longer a question of if – only when.

Once they’ve completed the demon cure, the boys set about removing the Mark, with Rowena’s help. And removing the Mark unleashes the Darkness in the world. In season 11, the Darkness should have been something much more insidious, and dangerous. A force which slithers into people, bolsters the innate darkness that is in everyone, turning people into their worst selves. And it controls demons utterly. They are mostly formed of the Darkness, after all.

And for Crowley and the cure, “when” is now. It is that, or fear turning on the people who used to teasingly ensnare him in “just one more case,” who would embrace him as one of them if only he’d allow it. And now, he’s finally ready for that.

#spn #crowley #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #headcanon run amok #multimuse #spn ficlet #this thing just took on a life of its own #happy sulphuric saturday

[gay-jesus-probably]

What's up fam does anyone want to hear my new theories on Paranatural JUST KIDDING YOU'RE GETTING THEM ANYWAYS

Okay so first things first: of all the medium's we've met so far, I think that Isaac and Johnny are the only normal ones. And also maybe Walker? Cause during the flashback at the start of Chapter 7 he uses his mute powers with his bare hands, and doesn't seem to use a tool to fight. It'd explain why his flashback aesthetic is so aggressively 70's even though the flashback is set in the early 00's and his usual style is 'cowboy' - makes sense if his flashback look is a symptom of possession.

...That's not the point. Flashback Walker being a medium is completely unrelated to this.

Anyways.

When Possessed Max was threatening Doorman in ch 3, the Doorman immediately identified it as 'a broken god'. Given that the spirit mentions it "didn't end up with the sense of humor", the broken part is probably very literal. Then later on while talking with Nin, Doorman says that Max is "unaware that he carries one of the s-". While the last word is cut off, my guess is it's the start of a number, and refers to how many pieces the Broken God is in.

So that leaves us with three major questions: 1. What is the Broken God and why is it broken? 2. Where are the fragments? 3. What do they want?

Under the read more, because this is 3k words and I’m not an animal.

What is the Broken God, and why is it broken?

While it was whole, the Broken God was a terrifyingly powerful entity with apocalyptic levels of power. It might have been a spirit all along, or it could have started as something else entirely. If that's the case, then the act of breaking might have 'killed' it, turning the fragments into spirits. Whether it was originally a spirit or not, it couldn't be destroyed completely, but being shattered left the fragments weakened and gave the rest of the world a chance against it. It's possible that it hadn't done anything to warrant being attacked, and it was just shattered out of fear of what something that powerful might do, but I think it's more likely it was a very active threat that needed to be brought down.

So who broke it?

Ron Swanson; it burned his hand so he punched it

Bad jokes aside, I think something that powerful would push the Godzilla threshold enough to make a lot of groups put aside their differences to bring it down. Judging by what we've heard about them so far, I assume that early versions of the Cousinhood of Man and Paranatural Activity Consortium were involved. The two organizations might have actually been founded in response to the crisis, or were originally a single group that had a schism after. I don't think it was just them, but I do think the Cousinhood and Consortium were major players in the whole mess.

Which brings us to...

Where are the fragments?

I can't say for sure how many pieces it's in, but judging by the Doorman's comment, my guess is it's a number that starts with S. That's a lot of options, but I'm guessing six or seven, because any higher numbers that start with an S would just be ridiculous - six or seven is manageable, but double digits or higher is way too much to keep track of, the story would never be able to give all of them the focus they deserve.

So we've got six or seven fragments of a broken god. Where are they?

Fragment One: Possessing Max, which is the only thing currently confirmed by canon. This is a very recent development, as Max isn't showing any physical symptoms, was able to cross the barrier to enter Mayview, and his spectral abilities didn't kick in until his first day of school. Given that Johnny starts seeing shades roughly twelve hours after his possession, that implies that Max was possessed the day he moved into Mayview.

I think Max's fragment was stuck outside of Mayview, and looking to get in. It came across the Puckett's heading towards Mayview, and hitched a ride by possessing Max. This is backed up by the fact that Max began to awaken as a spectral before having noticeably interacted with anything supernatural - on his first night, Max could hear Hissin' Pete, saw PJ as a shade, and PJ was able to physically interact with him. If we compare that to the timeline of Johnny being possessed around midnight and seeing his first shade by lunchtime the next day, Max would have been possessed at some point in the late morning of the day he moved to Mayview.

Max's fragment is not Scrapdragon. I think that Max is a little like Mr. Spender, in that he's a medium whose also wielding a tool. Max's fragment is very chatty, revealing itself to the Doorman with no prompting, speaking in long, eloquent sentences, and even talks at Isaac about the concept of school buses and his own morality. On the other hand, Scrapdragon's communicated only in angry screeching so far. Also, Scrapdragon is obviously the source of Max's magnet powers, and he can only channel them through the baseball bat that Scrapdragon's possessing. I don't think Scrapdragon likes the fragment either - despite being a grudge, it seems fairly neutral towards Max, and only gets angry when he accidentally hits it. I don't know if Scrapdragon is trying to oppose the fragment the same way Lucifer fights the Shadow, but I don't think Scrapdragon wants to hurt Max, and it might end up helping him.

Fragment Two: Alright so now we're getting into speculative territory. I'm not numbering these by order of introduction btw, from here on out I'm looking at this via connections.

Boss Leader is possessed by a wight that the Consortium's been studying for a very long time, and is fairly non-hostile. Although it can't communicate clearly, it can express its emotions to BL, and she seems to have a lot of trust in it. Despite Boss Leader's shenanigans, it's been repeatedly shown that she takes the safety of spectral kids very seriously - if she thought there was any chance her wight would be dangerous, she never would have introduced it to two teenagers and a toddler, especially not just to explain the concept of a wight. This is also backed up by the wight's actions during that conversation - it's clearly paying attention, but it doesn't show any hostility, and the only thing it says is "PLEASE DON'T BE SCARED". Hell, it even seems to be a little disappointed that nobody reacts to the wight/white pun.

Despite this, I believe that Sandman is a fragment of the broken god. Not so much because of how it acts, but because of its connection to other possible pieces.

Fragment Three: Dr. Gwen Burger and her husband got stuck inside the prison of an unknown Wight. It was imprisoned by the Consortium before the current Boss Leader took power, it's lonely, dangerous, and really wants out. If it escapes, the results probably won't be pretty, time works differently in its prison, and its dream is connected to Gwen's. I think that Gwen might be its medium, given how warped her appearance is in the dream world, and that the wights prison relies on it being bound to a medium.

Gwen's wight is seemingly hostile, given that it attacks the group at the first opportunity, but what it wants is hard to say - its only line so far is "LOOK AT ME", and it may have been responsible for the demise of Gwen's husband. It also looks very similar to Sandman, implying a connection between them. Given that it's already been established that a Broken God is out there, it only makes sense for Sandman and Gwen's wight to be more fragments.

And more importantly, they're both very clearly connected to another powerful spirit.

Fragment Four: The Shadow, which has been possessing Richard Spender for at least thirteen years now. It's obviously powerful, given how much it scares Spender and Lucifer, and how being its medium has affected Spender's reputation. Given how he reacts to Forge saying he 'defeated the strongest spirit', that likely refers to Mr. Spender's past experience with the Shadow, and the circumstances that led to his possession.

Apart from its power, the main reason I think the Shadow is a fragment of the Broken God is because of its connections to Sandman and Gwen's wight. With Sandman, they look incredibly similar - the Shadow's face resembles a sun and is noticeably missing an eye, while Sandman's face resembles a crescent moon, and its only clear feature is a single eye. This suggests that Sandman and the Shadow are directly related to each other. As for Gwen's wight, it's connection to the Shadow is made clear by Rick's reaction to being attacked by it - while everyone else reacts, Rick freezes up and starts shaking in terror, either recognizing it as being similar to the Shadow, or having a flashback to his obviously traumatic possession. Probably both.

There's also the reactions of Sandman and Gwen's wight. When the group is attacked by Gwen's wight, the framing of the scene heavily implies that it's reaching out to grab Spender - Boss Leader and Walker are moving to defend the others, Gwen's almost completely hidden behind Walker, Mina's reflexively shielding Rick and Ed, Ed's hidden behind Walker and Mina... and Rick is perfectly centered at the back of the group. Furthermore, the way the wight attack contrasts to Rick's flashback heavily implies that it's reaching for him specifically. Meanwhile when the kids are introduced to Sandman, while it's kinda hard to track its line of sight, it seems like it might be staring at Rick the whole time. What the two wights say could also be interpreted as them speaking directly to Rick - Gwen's wight wants him to look at it, while Sandman begs him not be scared. If the two wights are fragments of the Broken God, they might be able to recognize that Rick is the medium of another one, and react accordingly. Gwen's wight wants him look at it, possibly realizing that he's frozen in terror and wanting to keep him that way so that he's an easy target. Sandman also realizes that Rick is traumatized and keeps its distance, asking Rick not to be afraid, as it doesn't want to hurt him. The point is, the Shadow, Sandman, and Gwen's wight are obviously connected to each other, and the most likely reason is all three are fragments of the Broken God.

I believe the Shadow was imprisoned at the bottom of Mayview Lake, though not by the Consortium. Thirteen years before Max came to Mayview, its prison was somehow broken by group that wanted to free the Broken God, though they were widely disorganized. Somehow a young Rick Spender wound up in the lake as the Shadow got free, and it pulled him under before possessing him. Given that Spender dying would free the Shadow, it's possible that the Shadow needed to possess a medium to escape its prison, and was trying to drown Rick right away to free itself. Lucifer intervened, pulling Rick out of the lake, and the two of them have been imprisoning the Shadow in Mr. Spender ever since.

Fragment Five: The Angel of Mayview.

Yeah, I know, she's definitely an enemy of Max's fragment and seemingly means well, but hear me out. When she speaks with Nin and Doorman, she pretty much immediately says she doesn't deserve to be called master. She also seems invested in Forge getting a second chance, not just to advance her goals, but also just for his own sake. These two details give me the impression that she's done some seriously bad things in the past, and is actively trying to make amends for it. Being part of the seemingly evil Broken God would qualify.

My other evidence is what Max's fragment says in Chapter 3. It specifically says that it "didn't end up with the sense of humor", implying that it's unable to find things funny. And right after that, the fragment and Doorman have this exchange: Doorman: Your return changes nothing, schemer. My master does not fear broken gods. Fragment: She should. Would if she could. The comedy your ignorance breeds is wasted on my ears.

This suggests that the Angel isn't scared because she can't be scared. Like she didn't get the ability to fear things, because another fragment has it. Max's fragment also suggests that it knows more about the Angel than Doorman does, and that considering her an enemy of the Broken God is ridiculous. All of this heavily implies that the Angel herself is another fragment.

Fragments Six and Seven: At this point I'm mostly out of obvious suspects. There's really only two major players unaccounted for, and while I do think both are fragments, I think they might both be fragments I've already discussed.

The great power that sleeps in Mayview is heavily implied to be a Big Deal. That being said, I think we've seen it already - who do we know that's a suspected medium for a fragment of the Broken God, and is permanently asleep? Yeah, I think the sleeping power is referring to Boss Leader. Her physical body is comatose, making her completely defenseless in the real world, and if Sandman is a fragment, Boss Leader is obviously very powerful. If Boss Leader's real body is in Mayview, then she's definitely the sleeping power.

Alternatively, it might be referring to the Shadow being imprisoned in Mayview Lake. Forge hasn't been in Mayview in a long time, so it makes sense that he wouldn't know the great power he's seeking was released over a decade ago. His attempt to command the pixelhounds also makes it clear that he's not above using evil methods to try and do what he thinks is right, so it'd make sense that he'd be willing to try and take control of it to help the Angel. It'd also explain why Mr. Spender starts laughing when he hears that, despite the fact that he's literally being tortured - Forge doesn't realize that the power he's looking for is right there. Mr. Spender also calls Forge misinformed right after that, suggesting that he knows what the sleeping power really is. Could be that he knows it's Boss Leader, but it could also mean he knows it's him. Either way, Forge is looking in the wrong place, and Mr. Spender knows it.

As for the other unexplained mystery, we have Penny Spender and her white spectral energy. That's a trait unique to wights and their mediums, which suggests that Penny is the medium of a wight. And given that all wights seen so far are probably fragments of the Broken God, it's likely that her wight is as well... but I think her wight is the Angel. We know fragments can speak through their mediums if they want, and the Angel hasn't made any personal appearances yet, only speaking over the phone. And the reactions of Nin and Doorman imply that's normal for her. Penny's obviously hiding that she's a spectral, so the Angel might be hiding that she has a medium to protect them both. As for why the Angel is possessing Penny, well Richard and Penny are obviously siblings, and Rick first got possessed when he was thirteen. If Penny doesn't know there's something horribly wrong with her brother, I'd be very surprised. I imagine we'll find out more about her, but whether or not Penny's possessed by the Angel, I think she's somewhat aware of her brothers situation and is trying to save him. Whatever her situation is, I'm looking forward to seeing more of Penny Spender, and I really hope she appears at some point in Chapter 7.

So now that we've got a rough idea of where the fragments are and why, that brings us to our final question.

What do they want?

I don't think they all have the same goals. Max's fragment saying it didn't end up with the sense of humor is an extremely informative sentence if you think about it - it means that the different fragments got different aspects of the Broken God's personality, and therefor will want different things.

The Angel and Sandman both seem to be non-hostile (for now at least), and the Angel is actively opposing other fragments. She also seems to be trying to make amends for the Broken God's actions, and feels deep shame over her past, leading me to believe that the Angel has the Broken God's remorse. The other pieces don't feel bad about what they've done because they can't. Likewise, I think Sandman might have inherited its fear, as it almost looks like it's trying to hide itself under blankets, and putting its medium's in a coma allows it to hide from the waking world.

Given their actions, I think the Angel and Sandman are against the Broken God's original goals, and are fairly benevolent. They do not want to become whole again.

Meanwhile, the Shadow, Gwen's wight, and Max's fragment all seem to be hostile. I believe Gwen's wight definitely wants to rejoin with other fragments, given that it seemingly tries to grab Rick. Max's fragment is harder to judge; it's definitely opposed to the Angel, but the Doorman's words imply that it's not really a powerhouse like the others. Max's fragment is the manipulator, the schemer - not the fighter. If it's the weakest of the bunch, it makes sense that it would want to become whole again. As for the Shadow, given that it's first move upon getting free is to attack Max and Isabel, it's definitely an active problem. The fact that it's indirectly described as 'the strongest spirit' implies that it got the most raw power out of all the fragments. I don't have any evidence that it wants to become whole again, but something about it gives me the feeling that it does. Here's hoping Mr. Spender realizes Max is possessed before either of their fragments makes a move. And no, I don’t think the Shadow realizes Max has another fragment yet; he’s still in the early stage of possession, so I think the only way for Max’s fragment to get caught is if it exposes itself. But Max’s fragment definitely knows where the Shadow is after chapter 4, so that’s bound to turn into a nightmare at some point.

Also on a probably unrelated note, the Shadow is a spirit of darkness that chooses to look like a sun, and if you look closely at Rick's memory getting possessed, you can see the Shadow had a massive slasher smile as it reached up to grab him. So uh... I think I know which fragment got the sense of humor.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, I look forward to being proved wrong about all of this. But I also kinda really hope I’m right. Either way, if anyone writes fanfic using my theories, I will love you forever.

#paranatural #rick spender #maxwell puckett #boss leader #gwen burger

[idio-cies]

JATP- Wake Up Dissection

“Wake Up” is structured like a conversation between Julie and her Mother. 

Not only did her Mother (I think we are all agreed on Rose here?) write it for her, knowing that Julie will have a tough time, but she left gaps for Julie to fill. Julie is Rose’s legacy, by Julie filling in the gaps, she is continuing the memory of her mother. This is what Julie realises; she can keep her mother “alive” with music- which figuratively is what Luke, Reggie and Alex experience, and also how Julie “awakens” them in the first place is by playing their music. Anyway. This is about JULIE.

Just a PSA. Wake up is the first song I listened to before I watched the show so I could see if I wanted to watch it or not. Madison absolutely blew me away with her vocals, she has that raw talent that you just can’t autotune to make it that way. That is what had me sold, along with the meaning of this song etc. The raw piano throughout this is one of the reasons why I love this song as well.

This song is so emotionally driven and deep. I have seen people compare it to Unsaid Emily. They do contrast, but mostly point out how Unsaid Emily is possibly more upsetting. Wake Up is emotional, because the journey Julie has in this one song counteracts the sadness, it is meant to make you feel warmer and happier because that is literally what it’s doing for Julie; it is revitalising her!

Anyway the song!

The feel of the keys- She does this in her audition as well, showing how emotionally painful it is.

The piano in this is just beautifully powerful, if you could imagine listening to this as an instrumental, you can almost imagine that the sun is rising… it starts off like nature is waking up, it really is special. Julie’s expressions are so key as well.

“Here’s the one thing that I want you to know, you got someplace to go”- this is her mum telling her that she has talent and that she can see her going far in this pursuit of music. Her Mum is giving her advice in this song. Julie is focused on her mother’s words

“Life’s a test, yes, but you go toe-to-toe”- This is pretty self-explanatory. You take life one step at a time, even if it is cumbersome. Julie smiles a little at this, it’s a little bit of rhetoric, as she knows life is tough. 

“You don’t give up, no, you grow”- Julie did give up, she was very close to giving up all together because it was too much for her. But Rose here is giving her that little extra push and love telling her that she will be alright and it’s all part of life. 

“And you use your pain, ‘cause it makes you you”- The expression “it's not what the pain is, it’s how you deal with it” comes into mind. How one responds to pain is what determines what type of person you are. Julie did run away from it, she wasn’t yet ready to face it and move forward. She was letting grief rule her, but Rose here is telling her that pain; adversity can be a blessing. It can make you stronger and brighter. Also look at Julie’s expressions here, she is thinking it over and considering them. She is listening and feeling her mother’s words

“Though I wish I could hold you through it”- This is where it is most prominent (other than the fact that Rose left this song for Julie in the first place) that they all knew her mother was going to pass away. So it was a terminal illness. She is sorry that she is going, but she is trying to give her life and a meaning to keep going in response, because she knows what talent Julie has, and knew how Julie would respond I imagine, hence why she left the song for her. Julie looks up at this point and this is where she chokes up a little. This phrase has a deep connection to when Julie is outside the Orpheum and asks for Rose to hold her and tell her everything will be okay.

“I know it’s not the same, you’ve got living to do, and I just want you to do it” I like how straightforward Rose is though. She knows that physically being there is what is wanted, but she is hoping to get Julie to realise that wallowing in her grief will not allow herself to live a good life that she is destined to have, which is what she needs. 

“So get up, get out, relight that spark.” - Julie suddenly becomes very serious and determined in this moment. She got the heartwarming speech, and now she is being told directly to literally “get up”. This just speaks a lot to me. I’m a lucky person who has a good relationship with my mum, I know not everyone does. But you know when you go through pitfalls throughout life, whether its a scrape of the knee when you’re young, a breakup or fallout, a depressive episode, or not knowing where life is headed for you and you just have a sob and  you wish for your mum (or dad) to be there to just give you a hug and give soothing words, then when you’ve calmed down they tell you that you can continue because they know you are capable, but they urge you on so you realise that for yourself. I can’t imagine losing that. My mum lost her mum last year. They had a rocky relationship to begin with, but ended up with a good relationship and ever since then I realised how much pain my mum must’ve been in, so I very much bawled at this song. 

That little soothing and then the short words of “get up, get out” is what Julie needed. Julie clearly had security from her parents, but she needed a bit more of a push. Interestingly the “soothing” words is the approach that her Dad tries and probably Mr. Turner, which she did not appreciate. Julie also pointed out how she felt everyone around her treated her life she was about to snap. They were being too soft on her, so this little push is what she needed.

“You know the rest by heart”- Rose knows Julie is talented, and that Julie will know what to do when she comes to it. This is the turning point.

“Wake up, wake up if it’s all you do”- I identify this as referring to depression, something that you will no doubt feel when a loved one passes away. Sometimes it’s very hard to just wake up and get out of bed, so the fact that Rose tells her to “wake up if it’s all you do” is something that speaks to me, and also links to when she was saying about taking things a step at a time. 

I need to go off a minute on the cinematography here! First we get the piano which is Julie’s instrument that she inherited(?) from her mother, and the fact that we see it in the dark, and as it progressively gets lighter is another symbol of saying “This is a reflection of Julie” and how the light is coming back into her. 

Then a totally different angle with the sun rising as it literally lights the room. Julie literally reawakens the room with her music. She brings life back into the room (remember when she talks to Emily about how magical and good the studio is). This angle as well makes it look like Julie is some kind of avenging angel. It is meant to isolate her, but it does the exact opposite. You have absolutely no feeling of isolation or sadness. If there was this angle at the beginning then yes it would, but the addition of the sun makes it warm and welcoming.

“It’s not what you lost, it’s what you’ll gain raising your voice to the rain”- It’s all about the strength that Julie will gain from her loss. “Raising your voice to the rain” Is such a beautiful line for many reasons. There is a metaphor of whatever Julie creates, is beautiful. I also interpret: Rain can be loud, and metaphorically speaking when you are “grey” or a “clouded mind” you are depressed and that can make your head feel loud and this line is saying to go above that. “Raising” as the sun is raising is very significant. It is “relighting” Julie and that she is the sun breaking through the “rain”. The Sunrise is also symbolic for new beginnings as well. But the rain can be a good thing; it means there is life and nourishment. Julie has found life to herself after the rain, as sun and water are needed in order for a plant to GROW. I mean the plants are literally all behind Julie...

Also I can’t help but think about how the sun and rain work together in this, and there are A LOT of rainbows in this show. I mean I know we have Alex, but there is only one around him and that’s his bracelet which is meant to tell us “This dude’s gay” the other rainbows are something else. 

“Wake up your dream and make it true”- telling her to re-establish her dream, and go for it.

“Look out, look inside of you”- repeat, but this is where we see Ray along with “It’s not what you lost” and I just love that they added her family in. Ray was the one who didn’t want to push her, but was always there to encourage and support her. I added this in with “It’s not what you lost” because I think you can also associate it to her family. He lost too and he was losing another part of Rose with Julie and the instruments and he didn’t want Julie to hurt anymore. He must’ve been so proud of her to just sit at that piano.

“Relight that spark, time to come out of the dark”- a variation of what Rose has already said to Julie, but really hammering home the constant symbolism of Julie being the “spark”. Again, I like how straightforward she is being “Time to come out of the dark”. It’s been a year at this time with Julie and she is at a crossroads, but the song isn’t pushing her so far, it’s literally just like giving her the matches and she’s the one that needs to take one out and light it. 

“Better wake those demons, better look them in the eye”- trample on those demons girl, you’ve got this. I can’t tell whether this is Julie, or Rose. I think it’s Julie considering the rest of the verse. This is ironic. You would expect demons to be “awake” at night, but this song is talking about coming out of the dark, so she is basically bringing light to her flaws/pain, not letting them haunt her and owning them.

“No reason not to try”- she shouldn’t hold herself back because there shouldn’t be anything hindering her. Look at her though! She is enjoying this so much.

“Life can be a mess, I won’t let it cloud my mind”- It is literally Julie’s response to what Rose was telling her about life being a test etc. Julie is embracing it now and she will stand up to fight.

“I’ll let my fingers fly”- I like this. Julie is linked to butterflies (another rebirth symbol), but also with music much of it comes from your fingers anyway by playing instruments or writing music etc., so I just thought this was cute.

“And I use the pain, ‘cause it’s part of me. And I’m ready to power through it”- again responding directly from what her mother told her to use the strength from pain as it makes her who she is. Also just look at how much power and emotion she is putting into these lyrics. She knows she is ready to go forward. She arrived at that herself, she could’ve stopped, or not responded, but she knows. 

“Gonna find the strength, find the melody. ‘Cause you showed me how to do it”- Her mother is within her, she is the one who taught her, but ultimately Julie will ride to her own beat, carrying the memory and legacy of her mother. 

Repeat of the chorus, but she looks up again on “you know the rest by heart”, however, this time it’s  as if she was saying thank you with power and strength under her belt. Julie completely gives herself over to the music as well

I also like that they included Carlos also admiring Julie, he clearly was also proud of her for picking up music again, and I just… I know there wasn’t terribly much with Julie and Carlos but it just shows you how much he looks up to her. Plus, this probably makes him reminisce about his mother in the best possible way as well. Carlos and Ray are kind of the same in this instance, though I would argue to say that Ray was more emotional, Carlos is just more content. 

“So wake that Spirit, spirit”- I do think this is ironic, because of the Phantoms, as well as it being Julie’s spirit inside of her. Julie did ignite the guys’ spirits, metaphorically and physically. Listening to their music is what brought them back, but their spirit for music and being able to connect was also reignited. I mean she literally rises up like a “spirit” in this moment...

“I wanna hear it, hear it” At this point Julie looks up, like she is singing so loud, she wants her mum to hear it. I think these are Rose’s words once again and is the reason Julie is belting up.

“No need to fear it, you’re not alone” Definitely Rose’s words, another reiteration of what has been said previously. Julie has always had the support of her family and Flynn, but she also now has the support of the guys who were the ones who also prodded her to reawakening her music (Luke says about how playing music made him feel alive again and any musician would revell in how it would feel to get it back. This is what gets Julie thinking and what she feels during this song), and literally supported her on stage for the sake of supporting her (see bright performance).

“You’re going to find your way home”- the reassurance of Rose’s words at the beginning after telling her to get up and get out there. There is also a safe space for her to reside

This moment is just so powerful, she has fully succumbed to the music. The sun behind her with the plants and the glass. I just can’t help but feel like this is a sense of refraction because of when I was talking about the rain and sun making rainbows, but anyway. This scene is just beautiful because you just know that they are telling us that she has awoken and that her voice is a gift. That Julie is the light shining as well. It changes angle, and it was not until the third time I watched this song did I notice you see tear stains. She’s smiling, but those tear stains just tell me of the journey she made solely through that song alone, how she would’ve been crying because of the pain but also just crying from elation and figuring out what she has to do with her mother’s gift to her of music. 

This last chorus has “when you feel lost, relight that spark” and I just find it interesting that it pans to Luke with “when you feel lost”. This is important as he felt lost when he regretted running away, and how Julie and Luke’s story are connected in a similar way. Julie “lost” her music and Luke “lost” his chance at repair. But anyway, it’s still all the same message of “you will find your way back, just believe in yourself and your ability because you have the power to be great.”

How she ends it though, is just pure joy. As she should, she is clearly proud of herself as well, and I can’t imagine how much relief she must have felt after she took that stride. 

I also think that having the guys standing behind her with the light is meant to signify how they are behind her; they are a part of her support and will help her in her path to greatness.

Madison is amazing and I still can’t believe this is her first time acting. She executed it perfectly, from the emotion in her face, body language to her voice.

And then it reveals that Rose left a message for her. “Julie, you can do it <3  Love, Mom” and that is where you wail. Her mother believes in her so much and it’s honestly just so beautiful.

This has been my dissection of “Wake Up”

I hope I haven’t broken too many people

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #julie molina #jatp julie #jatp analysis #jatp meta #this was so long I'm sorry #and I have a feeling I may have broken a few people if they read this #I know I broke myself writing this

[prandstg]

Third Year of University

The third and final year of university was quite the handful. With Covid-19 forcing us all to stay at home we lacked many of the resources and had to make due with what we had at home. Originally this blog post was supposed to be on a personal website, but for reasons currently unknown to me, my website just doe snot work anymore, so here we are!

Advanced Project

One of our tasks we had to do is create an Advanced Project. Due to current circumstances. and the aforementioned lack of physical resources that were all at the university, I decided to recreate sound for a retro style game, since it did not directly involve creating music and/or sound by physical means. Furthermore, I decided to go with a video game instead of say, a music album, or an EP, or something like that, since my focus is on the video games industry.

So I set out to find a video game I would want to recreate the sound for. It took me a while to find something I would be content with. I ended up using “The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past” as my source material. So I began to acquire a video clip of this video game, and proceeded to create a list of all the sound effects I would need to recreate in order for this to work. Some sound effects that would work nicely I had already in my possession, saved to my hard drive in my sound library. Those are sound effects from a previous project with similar intent, giving me a nice head start already as I acquired a few sounds from that. 

Following that I then proceeded to create new sound effects. The digital audio workspace, or DAW for short, that I use is Ableton Live 10. Using the in-built synthesizer I set out to create new sound effects fitting a retro game from the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (or SNES for short) era. Whilst I had great success with some sound effects, I had troubles with others. Specifically, I had troubles with the sounds for the swinging of a sword, a door unlocking, and footsteps going up and down a flight of stairs. 

I was not sure how I would be able to circumvent these troubles, and therefor decided to review the methods I was using. After looking into other games. to be precise video games that have retro style, but are in fact modern era video games, I realized that due to lacking the knowledge and skill for the time being, to create such very specific sounds and effects, that I had to use a different approach. So, I ended up dropping my attempt at re-creating sound effects from the SNES era, and rather focus on the here and now. For the sound of the sword swinging I ended up using the sound of a knife sliding across a hard surface, and then manipulated the sound. I first lowered the pitch of the sound sample, and then proceeded to reduce the bit-depth, which more or less means reducing the quality of the sound itself, until it sounded like something that would in in a retro-style game of the modern era. I proceeded to do the very same for the footsteps going up and down a flight of stairs. In the case of the footsteps, I got my hands on a sample of a pair of boots walking on a stone surface, which I gave the same treatment as the sword. As for the sound of a door unlocking I acquired a sound effect of two pieces of metal banging and sliding against each other, once more giving it the same treatment as mentioned before. 

The only thing that was left to do was create music. I was unsure at first how I wanted to approach the music for the game. I wanted to give it my own style, but still at the same time I wanted to make it fit at least somewhat, so I did not want to make it too contemporary. What I ended up using in the end was simply three built in instruments from Ableton Live 10. The first was a drum rack, the second one a nasal voice that sinds “Aahs” and “Oohs”, and the third one being a brass ensemble. The way I made those all sound like they belong in a retro/retro-style game was by giving them all the same treatment as my sound effects previously mentioned. I decreased the bit-depth of each one of those virtual instruments, and I also used an equalizer to remove all the low-end, aka all the bass from the each of the instruments, since making the instruments lower quality they can drone quite a lot if there is base within them. 

Finally it was time to edit it all and that was quite the chore for multiple reasons. Firstly there were a lot of small sound effects very quickly one after another in quick succession, taking a long time to line all the sound effects up correctly for them to fit perfectly where they are supposed to be. Another issue was that for some reason some times the video would not load from certain spots so I had to scroll back far enough so that the video would play again so that I then could place the sounds where they belong. Overall it was a very arduous task to do, that proofed less difficult, but more so extremely tedious, but in the end I managed to do it.

It was quite some long and hard work, but in the end it paid off, as I got to see a full five minute video of my hard work, being able to admire what I did, and finding it to be a job well done. I look back at the work now, happy that I did it, and happy about the way I did it, enjoying the fact that such hard work made a final product that I like myself for once as well.

Research Project

Sticking with my theme of “The Legend of Zelda” I decided that for the research paper that we were supposed to create I would look into the aspect of how the original “The Legend of Zeda: Link’s Awakening” and the remake that was released in 2019 differ. To do so I decided that it would be first prudent to take a look at each game. I decided to first start off with a general overview of both games, having a bit of a closer look at the limitations of the original console the game was released on, namely the Game Boy. Having studied it a bit it turns out that the Game Boy has massive limitations especially in regard to music and sound, having only 4 different channels available at any given time, meaning the game boy can only produce 4 different sounds at the same time. 

Realizing that I had a closer look at the music that Link’s Awakening has, and realized that indeed it only ever has two “instruments” playing at the same. One giving rhythm and also doubling as the bass, and one that is the leading melody of each song. It turns out that most sound effects do not interrupt the music, but mostly each other, if too much is going on at once sound wise, then sounds will cut out, not so the music however except for a few examples which I found quite interesting. 

Another aspect I ended up looking into was nostalgia. I realized that nostalgia is another big aspect that I should look into when it comes to comparing two games that are the same. In essence I realized that nostalgia is an important feeling when looking at the remake of a game, especially a game that is originally as old as this one. After all there are around 18 years difference between the original game and the remake, leaving a huge gap between the two. And as somebody who played the original on their Game Boy Color all happy and excited, because it was just such an extremely magical and wonderful journey as a child. As such it was important to me on a personal level that the remake felt just as magical. 

Therefor I decided to do some research into the nostalgia, which turned out the be quite insightful, finding some interesting sources talking about different forms of nostalgia, something I had not even considered. Within was explained that there are different forms of nostalgia, created and experiences in different ways, depending on what kind of game it is. It ended up giving me a more detailed and clearer insight into what exactly is going on in regard to the nostalgia within the new version, the remake. of the game, and how it ties the two games together. 

I then proceeded to pick the two games apart in detail, especially when it comes to the sound design, having a specifically close look at the bosses and mini bosses within the games, as they offer the most characteristics of the game, being the most imposing but at the same time most unique beings, so much so that even with the limit sound capacity of the Game Boy, they all have their very own special sounds they make, giving a great opportunity to cross reference the two to have a closer look at how the new version of the game handles all of these things. In the end it felt like sound wise the remake was essentially taking the original game and using it as a foundation to build upon to make it something contemporary. 

This task was by far the hardest, having to do a ton of research and taking a deep dive into both games, taking in everything and then in detail write about it. It took a long time and a lot of effort and patience, but I am happy with the end result I achieved with it. 

Professional Practice

One of the main things I had to do for professional practice was to create a show reel/demo reel. At first I thought I would have to create a bunch of new mini projects to get something together for it, but I decided not to do so. Instead, I decided I would take all the projects from the past three years of university and compile them into a three minute video. I wanted to give a full and true image of th spectrum of things I am currently capable and incapable off, not only to be true to whomever is seeing it, but also to be true to myself, to have a reminder just what exactly my errors are, so I can work on them, so by the time I release my next demo/show reel, I can show off just how much I have improved, not just to others, but myself as well. 

Doing a 5-year plan right afterwards was a massive help in that regard, making me realize just what kind of goals I should aim for, giving me a nice step-by-step guide fully created by myself to have a view into the future what I could and should do to further myself. It was a fun and interesting task, opening my eyes to the possibilities. 

Lastly I had to do an assessment, not only explaining my demo reel in depth, but also forcing me to do some research into the current state of the games industry, which gave me quite a lot of insight into just how much the games industry has grown, and how much more important it has becoming, opening my eyes to how big the challenges ahead of me are, but also giving me confidence that I can do it if I just work hard on it. 

Overall, it has been extremely stressful with everything that has been going on, but I am also extremely grateful for having gotten the opportunity to go and study at a university, and given the opportunity to learn all the things I have.

[ckret2]

Heal Our Wounds

Long after the titan fight in Boston, Serizawa wakes up in a hospital bed, recovering unusually fast from radiation burns he only vaguely remembers receiving. Monarch immediately drowns him in love and attention.

Mark and Madison drop by to share a gift—and some of their post-Boston worries.

Has it really been two and a half months since the last fic, wtf. Anyway this is part of an ongoing series of post-KOTM almost-everybody-lives AU oneshots. If you don’t wanna read the others, all you need to know is that Serizawa survived and nobody knows how/why (answer: because I wanted him to), and Ghidorah's been chilling with Rodan and possibly dating him. Links to the other fics are in the source at the bottom of this post.

###

The first thing Serizawa noticed as Mark and Madison came into the hospital room was that they both had dark rings under their eyes. Serizawa was getting used to seeing his friends and colleagues like that. But they both smiled and their tired eyes lit up when they saw him.

He returned the smiles. "So! You've finally made time to visit me, eh?" he said chidingly, as if they'd just dropped in on him and not as if Mark had scheduled this visit a week earlier.

Madison immediately ran up to him for a hug. Mark reached out for her, mouth opened to warn her back; but Serizawa held up a hand to prevent Mark's protests. "It's fine," he mouthed to Mark over Madison's shoulder as he hugged her back.

"Wow," Mark said. "You're looking better already. A lot better."

Serizawa nodded and shrugged at the same time. "The doctors say I've been very fortunate," he said. "I think Gojira had a hand in it."

He wasn't sure Mark bought that, but Mark had the grace to keep his mouth shut and just tilt his head indecisively.

"How are you feeling?" Madison asked as she stood up.

"A little sore," Serizawa said. "But mostly tired. I've been recovering well, though."

Madison circled to the other side of Serizawa's bed so she could sit in the guest chair next to him. Mark followed her, but leaned against the bedside table. Serizawa really did have to ask the nurses if they could bring some more chairs into the room. Since he'd been cleared to receive visitors, his room had become a nonstop parade during visiting hours: Monarch staff and their families, government officials and sometimes their translators looking for advice on how to deal with their respective nations' new gigantic residents, various journalists and reporters interviewing him on current events and his involvement in the mass awakening of the titans...

And everyone seemed to start out with the same question: "I know you've told everyone that you don't remember how you made it from the bottom of the ocean all the way to Boston," Mark said hesitantly, "but...?" He shrugged questioningly. "I mean—anything? Weird dreams? Things you heard while you were unconscious...?"

Serizawa shook his head. "Nothing. I don't even remember the bomb going off. The last thing I recall is getting out of the submarine and seeing Gojira. And then waking up in a hospital, burning."

"Huh." Mark let out a long sigh, mouth twisted in confusion. "Well—whatever happened down there—and whatever's making you recover from your burns so well—we're all glad for it.”

"Gojira," Serizawa said again firmly.

"He's probably right, Dad," Madison piped up. "I've been reading about the effects of titan radiation. It starts out like radiation burns, but something about it makes organic matter heal a lot faster instead of just... breaking it down."

"Really," Mark said skeptically.

"Really! It's the same thing that makes plants grow back so fast in the cities that titans have been through! The research has been out for like three years, Dad," Madison said, rolling her eyes.

"There's a great deal we don't understand yet, but—what Madison says is true," Serizawa said, trying not to smile too broadly. Madison had always been such a precocious child, always talking about whatever interested her. For the longest time it had been insects; recently it had been camping and survival techniques—something that only in retrospect Serizawa realized was so worrisome. He was glad to hear her talking about science again.

"But we're not here to talk about that," Madison said quickly, practically squirming in her chair with obvious eagerness to move on to the next topic. She gave her dad a pointed look.

"Right!" Mark took off a satchel he'd slung across his body and opened the flap. "We—'we' meaning Monarch, basically—wanted to give you a 'get well soon' gift. Rick mostly put it together, but we all contributed the pictures."

"Pictures?" Serizawa asked.

"Of your new friends," Mark said, suppressing a smile. He pulled out a tablet, scrolled through it a moment, and offered it to Serizawa. "From all over the world. I'll email it to you, but we wanted to show it to you in person."

Serizawa took the tablet. When he noticed Madison leaning over the bed to watch too, he held it out farther to allow her and Mark to watch. It was a slideshow, the first slide of which said in large letters, "GET WELL SOON!!" and in smaller text, "from Monarch and the titans."

He swiped to the next slide.

Godzilla stared back at him with eyes crossed and snout smooshed up to the window of Castle Bravo.

Serizawa laughed.

He swiped through the notes and images, pausing to read the well-wishing messages from Monarch agents and their allies—some close friends, some he'd only spoken to once or twice—and to examine the pictures and clips they'd put together for him.

A video of Rodan dramatically bobbing and headbanging in time to a Spanish song. An attached caption mentioned that after recording Rodan bobbing to over twenty different songs and sending them to a comparative psychologist in California, they could definitively say that Rodan was actually meeting the official definition for "dancing"—deliberately moving in sync with the beat of the music—and he was better at keeping the beat than parrots, one of the few other categories of non-human dancers.

Several pictures showed Kraken hanging out next to various Monarch ships, mimicking the ships' paint jobs. In some of the pictures, he even displayed unintelligible lines across his head that looked like attempts to copy the text and symbols printed on the ships' sides.

The Chen twins included a selfie of themselves and Mothra, as well as a message they said was translated directly from Mothra herself: a sincere wish for Serizawa to either get well soon or have a smooth reincarnation if he didn't, and a thank you from both her and Godzilla for saving Godzilla. Apparently Godzilla thought of Serizawa as "the flashy human." (Serizawa had to pause to wipe his eyes before continuing to the next slide.)

Pictures of Behemoth moving heavy objects around for humans with patient amusement. A photo of "Quetzalcoatl" half obscured by the sea with a brief message informing Serizawa that, in action, Quetzalcoatl appeared to more closely resembled myths about a creature called "Manda." Poems, with an apologetic note that they were better in Arabic, that one of the Monarch agents at Outpost 75-B had written about Mokele-Mbembe.

A short note from Admiral Stenz that wryly said, "Even the Navy is having to adjust to your new friends," followed by an image of Ghidorah reclined on an aircraft carrier like a vacationer on an inflatable pool lounge.

From the corner of his eye, Serizawa saw Madison flinch. He looked up at her; her face had gone blank, but there was a terrible fear in her eyes. Mark put a hand on her shoulder.

Serizawa turned off the tablet and set it down on the bed. "Perhaps I should look at these when I don't have visitors."

Madison's gaze dropped. "I'm gonna..." She slipped out of her father's hand and circled around Serizawa's bed. "Gonna get a soda. M'thirsty."

Mark reached out for her. "Maddie..." But she'd already disappeared down the hallway. He sighed, sank down into the seat she'd vacated, and ran his fingers through his hair.

Serizawa let the silence settle for a moment before he quietly said, "She's been through a great deal."

"Has anyone told you that she got up close and personal with the Three Stooges? They saw each other. They interacted."

Serizawa shook his head, sitting up a little straighter. He'd heard that she'd made herself quite the hero—sneaking away from Jonah's terrorist gang with the ORCA; single-handedly breaking whatever control Ghidorah had over the titans; luring Ghidorah, Godzilla, Mothra, and Rodan to Boston where they could settle their differences. It had been clear just how much danger she'd been in; but he'd never imagined that danger.

"She says she was as close to him as..." Mark looked out the window and pointed, "as that tree." The tree was near enough that Serizawa could see how the surfaces of individual leaves curved and rippled. "He looked directly at her—all three heads. He tried to kill her. Blasted..." Mark tried to pantomime with his hand in front of his mouth. "Blasted that lightning of his."

A chill ran down Serizawa's back. He'd known Madison since she was born. The thought of her ending like that, incinerated by an enraged titan...

"She's changed so much," Mark went on. "She's having trouble sleeping. She's sullen, she's so serious... Even the sound of the air conditioning coming on makes her jump. And I don't know how much of that is everything she went through, how much of it is whatever—whatever eco-fascist brainwashing Jonah put her and Emma through, how much of it's just her being a teenager..." Mark trailed off helplessly.

There was frustration in his voice and guilt in his eyes.

"I—maybe I'd know if I'd—been around. If I'd seen her often enough to know what she's like."

"You're around her now," Serizawa pointed out. "You cannot change your past actions, but you can support her now when she needs you."

Mark nodded reluctantly. "I just... wish I knew how."

That was where Serizawa's sage advice ran out. His child rearing experience capped out at entertaining agents' kids with titan stories and pocket watch jokes in fifteen-minute bursts of babysitting. "Have you... looked into therapy?"

"I'm her father. I should be able to help her through this myself," Mark insisted. He shifted his position uncomfortably. "And everyone's booked up."

Serizawa tisked.

"But Maddie's... she's strong." Mark sounded like he was repeating something someone else had told him, not something he quite believed himself. "She'll pull through this."

Serizawa could remember all the times over the past couple of years that Emma had boasted about what a strong young woman Maddie was developing into—a boast that, knowing what he knew now about what Emma had been training Madison for, was more chilling in hindsight. He wondered if Mark had been visiting Emma in jail to talk to her about Maddie.

Strong or not, though, facing down a titan attack and being responsible for saving the world was an astounding weight to put on anyone's shoulders, much less a twelve-year-old's. Pile enough weight on even the strongest structure, and eventually it buckles.

Mark muttered, "I can't believe he's still running around."

Serizawa didn't have to ask who. Mark's gaze was aimed at the tablet's black screen.

"If that thing was dead, maybe... I don't know, maybe Maddie wouldn't constantly feel like she has to watch her back. Like she's afraid he'll come back and finish the job."

Serizawa shifted to sit up higher. "I understand how your daughter's pain must pain you too," he said. "But that's no reason to condemn a living creature to death."

"It's not just that. He's dangerous, you know he is." Mark held up a hand before Serizawa could say anything else. "I know, I know—I should be making peace with the titans. I have with most of them. I don't think I'm at the point where I'd invite Godzilla to my birthday party, but he's on my Christmas card list."

From what Serizawa understood about American Christmas card customs, he was pretty sure that making someone's list was faint praise.

"But Ghidorah? He's not like the others. The others just... accidentally flatten human cities. To them it's like stepping on an anthill without looking. Ghidorah is that sick kid who holds a magnifying glass over an anthill. He's evil. Even you've felt it!"

Serizawa couldn't argue with that. He had seen Ghidorah up close in Antarctica—seen the way his eyes darted about, picking out humans across the ice so he could crush them. He'd seen the malice in Ghidorah's gaze. He'd seen the rage, too—a fury that had smoldered for eons, a fury that was older than the human race. He'd seen the light flashing off Ghidorah's eyes and teeth as he'd singled out Vivienne and devoured her.

But was what he saw in Ghidorah's eyes so different from the rage he'd seen in Mark's eyes when Mark had set foot in a Monarch facility for the first time in years, when Mark had snarled that all titans must be executed? Or the cold malice in Emma's eyes when she'd declared from the safety of a terrorist's bunker that human civilization had to be scoured from the Earth? If either of them had been Ghidorah's size, would Mark have been any kinder to Godzilla or would Emma have to Boston? Serizawa had his doubts.

There was no anger that wasn't somehow inspired by pain, by suffering, by fear. Even though Serizawa could still see Vivienne disappearing into Ghidorah's jaws over and over when he closed his eyes, there was some part of him that wondered what it was Ghidorah feared so deeply. And for that, Serizawa pitied him.

"You yourself called Ghidorah a false king," Mark went on. "You know he doesn't belong on this world."

"That is true," Serizawa said. "But he could belong. There is room enough on our world for him to find a place he fits."

"Wh—" Mark leaned away from Serizawa, blinking in disbelief. "How does a false king fit in on Earth?!"

"By learning to act like a citizen, instead of a conqueror."

"I—Wh—You don't think he's going to just do that, do you? Out of the goodness of his big, lightning-spewing heart? Before he floods the planet, or—or challenges Godzilla for leadership again?"

"What has he been doing since Boston?" Serizawa thought he already knew—although he wasn't currently working, he was receiving regular reports from several outposts, mainly from people who thought he'd enjoy hearing them—but he wanted to hear the answer in Mark's own words.

"Well, he—he's been skulking near Rodan's volcano, mostly. Throwing any trailers or tech we try to so much as get on the edge of the volcanic rock back into the village. He's been learning Rodan's language—did you know Rodan has a language—?"

Serizawa nodded. "I'm subscribed to Dr. Flores Rosales's YouTube channel."

That almost got a smile out of Mark. "Of course," he said. "Rodan's even been teaching him... more complicated calls. So the next time he tries to take over, he's going to be able to give the other titans direct orders. And he's been exploring the planet. Learning the landscape. Playing with our weather—he diverts entire hurricanes like they're nothing. He turns over tanks like they're toys. Experimenting with human technology—our technology. Studying how we work."

Serizawa nodded again, absorbing that analysis.

"Getting a better understanding of our planet," Mark concluded. "He's going to be better prepared the next time he attacks it. The longer we wait, the more prepared he gets."

Serizawa took a moment to process that, collect his words, and then reply carefully. "I can understand how his actions appear to you," he said. "And perhaps that is what Ghidorah is doing—studying us, toying with us. But when I look at those same things, here's what I see. Ghidorah has found a home—perhaps a temporary one, perhaps more permanent. He's established the borders of what he feels like is his territory, and when we respect his boundaries, he has respected ours. He's learning to communicate with his neighbors through words instead of through violence. He's shown us that his species sings—that he understands art. He's shown us he has a sense of humor. He's discovering that the earth is covered in unique, fascinating places, and that humans aren't playthings to torture and kill but inventors and engineers. He's made a friend—a friend whose lessons and advice he will sit and listen to, a friend whom he goes to great lengths to protect from discomfort, and a friend who he seems to care for."

Mark also took a long moment to think over Serizawa's words. He was growing a little bit, Serizawa thought. If they'd had this conversation before Boston, Mark would more than likely have steamrolled over Serizawa's interpretation and clung to his own—as he had with so many other opinions he'd had for so many years. Maybe discovering he was wrong about Godzilla had made him a more thoughtful person. Or maybe he was just working to be more respectful because Serizawa was in the hospital—time would tell.

Finally, Mark said, "A 'friend' who he fights with. All the time. Rodan clawed his wing up pretty good in Antarctica."

"And then kept him warm through the night, stayed near him for the next few days, and reactivated a volcano that's been dormant for four thousand years to give him a place to rest. I don't think it was a fight fueled by hatred," Serizawa said. "Have you been watching Rodan's language lessons as well?"

"A few. Not as many as I should," Mark admitted. "It's hard to look at—I mean—Ghidorah tried to kill me and my daughter."

Serizawa nodded understandingly. He had just about gotten used to the sight of Ghidorah curiously ask Rodan to clarify what the word "many" meant, and even at that Serizawa still sometimes instead flashed to a memory of Vivienne's last moments. "You should ask Xochitl if she has transcripts," Serizawa said. "Ghidorah and Rodan squabble over which fights 'count' and 'don't count' like two children trying to cheat at a board game. They see their battles as play."

"Huh," Mark said. "Like...?" He didn't finish the question.

Serizawa gestured encouragingly at Mark to continue. He had a feeling he knew where Mark had been heading.

"Well." Shrugging self-consciously, Mark said, "You know the joke theory that Outpost 56-B's been putting forward."

An amused smile broke out across Serizawa's face. "That Rodan and Ghidorah might be...?"

"Courting," Mark mumbled, shaking his head in disbelief. "That what we're seeing is courting behavior. Or—or dating, are they intelligent enough to date? I mean, Ghidorah's building radios..."

"I think there's some potential to the theory," Serizawa said, still grinning. "Outpost 56-B has collected some very compelling evidence. It's not conclusive, but it's certainly suggestive."

"Suggestive." Mark shook his head again and rubbed his eyes. "There's no way they're reproductively compatible."

"Not all couples are. Either in the animal kingdom, or in our own species."

"So, is that the bet you're wagering?" Mark asked. "You think we shouldn't try to kill Ghidorah while we still have a chance because if he decides to settle down and make a big fiery nest with Rodan, he won't destroy our planet?"

Serizawa sobered up. "No," he said. "I think we shouldn't try to kill Ghidorah because his behavior suggests he no longer wants to kill us. It suggests that he is trying to leave conquering behind and trying to behave like a fellow citizen of our planet—cooperative, respectful of the other species he shares the world with, communicative with his neighbors despite the massive language barriers. If that changes, through Mothra we can call Gojira for help. If it doesn't change... then if Ghidorah is seeking redemption, I think we should let him seek it. Whatever his motive may be."

Mark thought that over, lips pursed. Finally, he said, "I hope you're right. You've been right about a lot of other things, but..." He sighed.

It would take Mark some time to accept. That was understandable; Serizawa saw no need to rush him. Ghidorah had directly threatened Mark's family, after all. But Godzilla had ultimately helped cause far greater harm to the Russell family—harm that couldn't be healed with time—and Mark had made peace with him. If Ghidorah's recent behavior really was indicative of a change, Serizawa was sure Mark could eventually make peace with Ghidorah, too.

For now, though, Serizawa should probably lighten the mood. A bit of humor creeping back into his voice, Serizawa said, "But, if it does turn out that what we've been observing on Isla de Mara is courting..."

Mark gave Serizawa a wary look. "What?"

"Do you remember what you said when we were trying to figure out why Ghidorah was heading toward Isla de Mara?" Serizawa asked.

"Oh no." Mark buried his face in a hand, but not before Serizawa got a glimpse of him fighting back a smile. "Not you, too. Nobody's let me live it down."

"You said he wanted a food, a fight, or a..."

"I know! What about it?"

"Well, then." Serizawa sat back, shrugged permissively, and said, "Let them fuck."

Mark huffed.

The conversation drifted to how their respective extended families had weathered the attacks and the corresponding changes to their daily lives, to Mark's tentative plans to balance getting back into Monarch against keeping Madison away from any active outposts, and to Serizawa's goals for once he was back on duty. Serizawa planned to return to work as soon as he was allowed out of the hospital.

"And to visit all of them," he said firmly, "the moment the doctors allow me on an airplane. If I can't take a plane, I'll ride a boat."

 Mark chuckled. "All of them? Even the mean ones?"

"No such thing," Serizawa said confidently. "Maybe hurting, maybe distrustful of humans—or maybe so far removed from our cultures that they don't yet recognize humans as feeling people—but not mean."

"So you gonna go open up diplomacy with the titans on behalf of humanity?" Mark asked. "Go say 'hi' and have a little chat like you did with Godzilla?"

Serizawa smiled. "If they'll let me."

Madison finally came back in the room, smiling shakily but clearly calmer than when she'd left. She didn't have anything from the vending machine. Neither Serizawa nor Mark commented on it.

"Afraid this is leaving with me," Mark said, picking up his tablet from the bed. "But I'll email you the slideshow. They let you have your phone in here, right?"

"I have a new one." His old one had been with him during his meeting with Godzilla. It hadn't shared Serizawa's miraculous survival. Rick Stanton had helped him get all his old data out of "the cloud" onto his new phone, and once he had his photos back he liked his new phone better. It was bigger.

"We'll come back as soon as we can," Maddie said as she leaned in for a hug, then looked to her dad for confirmation.

"Of course," Mark said, nodding, "unless you manage to talk your way out of here before we find time to come by again."

Serizawa grinned. As much as he might want to, he probably needed to be able to walk out the door by himself before he could go. "If you don't come see me before I get out, I'll come see you." He had a whole list of people he needed to visit.

The last thing Mark said before he left was, "Get some rest. You've still got a lot of recovering to do."

On more than one level. "I will." Glancing between Mark and Maddie's tired faces, Serizawa said, "So do you."

###

(Do you guys know how long I've been waiting to write Serizawa saying "let them fuck"? Like half a year. Anyway so the “titan radiation heals injuries instead of making them worse” is, obviously, a lot of BS and Not How Radiation Works, but it’s consistent with KOTM’s “titan radiation heals nature and grows plants!!” and with Legendaryverse’s overall lack of people getting severe radiation burns from being so close to confirmed-radioactive kaiju all the time. If canon’s gonna act like kaiju have some made up form of Magical Healthy Radiation, okay, I’ll roll with that.)

(Replies/reblogs are welcome and greatly appreciated! Check the “source” link below for my masterlist of KOTM and Rodorah fics, as well as my AO3 and Ko-fi links.)

#serizawa ishiro #madison russell #mark russell #godzilla #kotm #fanfic #my writing

[transvavsquad]

so, jordan comes home.

and spark takes him under his wing. he knows the captain has a power still waiting in him that he does not understand or recognize- he has that same power sitting closely to his own heart, but jordan’s is, admittedly, a little stronger- whether it be due to the killing of botan, or to everything that had happened in the isles-

(jordan spends the night he’s home recounting every detail he can with the admiral and His Lady, not by words, or stories, but by memories. ianite is different in that way- her brothers cannot pull directly from their champions’ minds, but the eyes of the end see through dreams and thoughts, and it helps, when she wants to see the full story. the goddess and the not-champion sort through, meticulously, every piece of it that sent jordan spiraling while the captain sleeps peacefully- 

my boy, ianite says gently, comfort in her tone. oh, how alone you were.

spark hums quietly to the side, and she smiles up at him sincerely, petting the captain’s hair from his sleeping face. not anymore, though, she whispers. you’re home now.)

the admiral spends days, weeks, with the captain across the realm, teaching him and learning from him, sharing experiences, swapping stories- memories of warmth and love, spark’s wife and daughter, jordan’s closest friends- of hardships and pain, spark’s battles and wars, jordan’s endless worlds of fights. spark tells him the story of meeting his wife, and in return, jordan recounts the tale of saving his lady. by the end of them both, there is a far-off look in their eyes, of past times. 

and jordan looks so torn, and spark asks quietly what ails him.

“in the isles,” the captain starts, and the admiral takes a careful breath. “the ianite i was helping wasn’t...”

spark already knows this tale, knows what jordan is so afraid of. knows how this ends and how this begins, knows how jordan will tell it. knows that the ianite he had befriended and served, so young, so naive, had been twisted so early on- the isles, spark knows, were a cruel, unjust trick on the poor champions, not by their gods, but by a creator of them, a test for the captain and the zombie, and a call to action for the caveman. but still, he listens, a hand set gently on the young man’s shoulder as he spills every shaken word- and every little mistake that had pointed so obviously to the power they both share.

(the potion he never drank, but kept. the gem that took root in his chest, ender, and physical, tying so deeply to his heart. the mirror realm itself, pushing him forward in it’s challenges. the second visit, at the prison, the portal collapsing in on itself, the mockery of a goddess pulling him out. the arrow, corrupted, name changed, him so deliberately none the wiser. the jailbreak, where they can tell, just by the shivers on the back of his memory’s neck, that the darkness was already awake, but wasn’t coming, because of him- countless examples, on and on.)

“is there something wrong with me,” jordan whispers, the drink in his hand nearly empty, “for not minding how it felt when i realized?”

“not at all,” spark says, and the sure, sharp, quick answer startles the captain so badly the bottle drops from his hand and shatters at his feet. jordan looks to him with wide, dark eyes above his glasses, and spark sees her bond in them- rings of purple surrounding the pupil, neon against the unnatural navy blue, and spark knows he has something along the same lines in his own. “it’s natural for balance holders to keep it within us, jordan. it’s how we are born, and how we are hers. and before you think she will hate you for it, i promise you, she won’t.”

the captain seems to shudder with quiet, poorly masked relief- spark smiles comfortingly. it’s no question jordan wants her approval, her care- she is everything to him, spark understands. there’s something so strong between the first champion and goddess that he knows not even he shared the exact same connection with his wife- oh, his was strong, but it would never compare to what the captain shared with this realms in terms of raw, untapped power. he sees it, sometimes, in the way they speak without speaking, or speak aloud together, or step together without hesitation. in the magic that flares when she catches his chin, or ruffles his hair, when he takes her hand and helps her step up or down the stairs- when he took his bow, upon his awakening and return.

“in fact,” spark says quietly, “we should go speak to her, i think. it would be good of you to get it off of your chest.”

in the before, he thinks jordan may have hesitated, afraid of her reaction. but now spark’s reassurance is enough, and he nods, reaching out to link their arms together to teleport back to her temple.

the admittance is small and quiet, just the three of them in the room they’d had him sleeping in when he’d arrived as he shakes through every word, but by the end of it, she is smiling, her hands over his, ever gentle, ever sure, ever caring. “my boy,” she says. “that’s a part of the way of the world, and it’s just a part of you. there is nothing wrong with darkness, jordan.”

at those words, the captain’s entire body relaxes, relief visible in every part of him, true relief.

and spark does not miss the way ianite reaches up to cup his cheek- like he is made of glass- and hums so softly as she comforts him. he does not miss the way the captain’s fingertips are dark as ash, and have been since he’s arrived, since even before- how they match spark’s own hands and arms up to his elbows. he has not missed the unnatural starlight spattering the captain’s eyes, nor the smoke that curls in the back of his throat when he is bitter and angry and upset. he has not missed the way the captain’s veins are tainted and his arrows leave withering marks where they land, lately. 

he has been the same in recent times.

“as a matter of fact, my boy. admiral,” she speaks to both of them, now, hand not dropping from jordan’s face, but her gaze does flicker up towards spark quickly to make sure he’s paying attention. “we have business to attend to involving these powers of darkness.”

“in what way, my lady?” jordan whispers, reverence laced in his tone, and she leans to press a kiss to his forehead before she finally pulls away and stands, waving a hand towards her table where the magic came to life, and began to form visions and visages. 

“my... mother,” she says. “angrec. she is the one who trapped you in those isles, my boy, desperate to tear you from away from me. she thinks you could not uphold what i asked of you.”

“she thought i wasn’t good enough?” jordan whispers brokenly, and spark places a hand in the center of his back, rubbing slow circles to comfort him. 

“no,” ianite says, bitterness in her tone. “she didn’t. she’s been nothing but controlling and manipulative and awful, my boy, and has spent this whole time blinding the realm in light since you’ve left. it’s throwing everything out of balance.”

there, spark thinks, is the magic word. he’d been along with this plan since the beginning- he has no qualms using his own darkness to get what is necessary. he’s done it before. but the captain has been led into thinking the world is split by good and evil, and that it is the same as light and dark. to call it balance, he knows, will reassure jordan to his core.

“we are the balance of the world,” she admits, and takes jordan’s hands in her own once more. “and we need to become the darkness to keep that balance.”

spark watches in awe as jordan slowly nods in understanding, his smile blossoming across his face in unison with the goddess’s, sincere and eager, and wonders how much stronger the boy would be if his mind had not been twisted into such a binary view so early on. 

“of course, my lady,” jordan answers, and spark steps forward next to him, watching the dark in his veins begin to crawl higher up his neck. “where should we begin?”

#writing #okay so this went a little off the rails but. #smile :) #mianite

[alyisweyerd]

Colors

Summary: You have troubles sleeping, so does Bucky. You both realize you need each other. (I suck at summaries)

THIS TOOK ME FOREVER. Writers block hit me like a train as soon as i got started! But no fear! I finally got it done! This is for @buckysmischief​ #gabs1kwritingchallenge ! I hope yall enjoy!

THIS IS NSFW. IF YOU’RE UNDERAGE PLEASE DO NOT READ.

Warnings: Smut, friends with benefits, Buck being a dumb, reader also being a dumb

Enjoy!

              You leaned against the door frame to his room, arms crossed, you could tell he was awake. The way his frame tensed when the door creaked. Underneath the blankets was Bucky. If you didn’t know what it was you probably wouldn’t notice the brunette locks that laid flat on his pillow in a mess. The room was dark. Dark to the point where you wouldn’t know there was a bed or someone in it if the hall light wasn’t on in annoying florescent fashion. The door frame creaked as you got off of it, trying your best to stay quiet even though the super soldier was awake and knew it was you.

Closing the door sent the room into a blanket of darkness, the only light now illuminating him was the moon itself. Eyes trying hard to adjust, you move forward into the darkness of his room, knees brushing the edge of the bed, letting it dip underneath the pressure as you gather yourself up on it and underneath the duvet. You heard his breath hitch at the feel of your hands touching his bare shoulder. Tonight, you would curl up behind him and remind him that you’re here, Steve’s here, Sam is here. He has people that he can count on. Even if that just meant cuddling after a nightmare.

You knew his nightmares were bad. Across the hall and two doors to the left you could still hear him screaming. Tonight, was just like every other, except this time, you came to his aid. You always attempted to leave him be, he never was one to like being coddled. So, as you slipped your arm around his masculine frame, you felt the sweat, the shivering, you heard the shakiness in his gasping breath. The small tell-tale signs he has been dreaming of terrors that haunt his every move.

You two stayed like that, comforting him as he came back down to earth, doing nothing but grounding the man back to his bed, letting your fingers caress his stomach. The silence heavy but needed until Bucky felt like he was okay. Letting your eyes slide shut you listened to his shallow breathing and the heavy heartbeat that sang through his body.

“Thank you.” It was loud compared to the silence they just had. But his voice was barely a whisper. You hummed as he grabbed your arm wrapped around him and pulled you tighter. “Thank you.” He spoke once again, voice sounding tight in his throat as he pulled your hand to his mouth and kissed your tender knuckles.

Letting your head rest against his back you whispered, “Anything for you. You know that.” Letting the silence set in, the two of you both shut your tried to sleep more.

The morning came, and as you awoke, you felt the warmth of a sleeping super soldiers against you. His slow deep breaths tickling the nape of your neck as he wrapped his arms around your frame. Breathing in you inhaled him in, smelling of cinnamon and wood-fires, you snuggled closer to the burly man allowing yourself a moment of peace before he awakens and pushes you away.

His heart skipped and his breathing stuttered. He was awake. “Good morning, James.” Bucky looked down at you, eyes still foggy from sleep as he realizes whom he’s with and where he is.

“Why do you do this?” Bucky paused and pushed your shoulders so he can look at you. “Why do you come? Why bother?” You could tell the nightmare plagued Bucky’s mind still.

“Because… I care about you…” You rested your hand lightly on his chest as he flinched from your intimate touch. “You matter to me, Bucky.” Grey blue eyes met yours as he searched for the truth. Stretching upwards, your lips touched his in a feather light kiss. Painstakingly slow Bucky started to return the loving gesture you gave him. His arm tightening around you, your hands rushing up to his neck as he nudged your legs apart, you wrap one of them around his waist hoping to pull him even closer.

Your hands found his hair and you scratched at his scalp, making a deep guttural moan come from the large man. His calloused hand roaming your back, down your spine and to your hips, letting his hands caress the top of your ass. You pressed your chest against him, letting Bucky hold you tight. Kisses between the two of you got deeper as Bucky begged for entrance inside of your mouth, tongues colliding in a quiet, wet dance. Pressing against each other for dominance. Hands still in his hair you pulled, making another groan come from the burly man.

Pulling away from your mouth he worked his lips lower. Kissing your cheeks, jaw, neck, and stopping on your clavicle to suck a sweet bruise into your skin. A noise came from you that you haven’t heard in a while. Continuing his journey down your body he reached for the end of your shirt, pulling up on it.   Letting the piece of clothing fall to the ground Bucky continued, sucking and biting small marks onto your chest. Reaching your breasts, Bucky latched his mouth onto your right nipple, both of you releasing a groan he twisted your other nipple with his cold metal fingers. Your hands grasping at his hair, pulling at his long locks.

Your brain finally kicked into function and you opened your eyes. “B-Bucky…” You pushed against him to pull him back, “Bucky, please.” He finally got the hint and lifted his face, eyes full of sleepy lust.

“Mmm. What?” Bucky nuzzled your neck, leaving sloppy kisses.

You pulled up, resting your body on your elbows, your chest still on full display to Bucky as he slowly devoured you with his eyes. “Do you really think this is right? I mean… If we do this…”

“This doesn’t have to be anything serious.” That through you for a loop.

“What?” Bucky got off of you and laid on his side.

“We don’t have to make this anything more than… well, this…” Your eyes widened as Bucky smirked. You’ve always liked him, and this just put a pin into your plan.

You swallowed and looked up into his ocean eyes. “Is that what you want?” Bucky nodded and kissed your shoulder.

“If that’s okay…” Bucky paused, rubbing small circles into your hip. “If you’re okay with it…”

‘No…’ You thought this entire thing was terrifying, you; Bucky, the thought of all that is between you is the sex. It terrified you. Did this mean you weren’t good enough for him? Were you just another piece of ass to him?

You cared for Bucky. Dreamed of a life for him, where he can be happy, maybe even be happy with you. You just wanted him to be himself. If this is what he wanted, to be with you…But not with you. Then you can deal with it. Sucking up your pride, you swallowed, and nodded.

“I need you to say it, doll.” Bucky caressed the skin on your arm, letting goosebumps pop up from his touch.

“Y-Yes, Bucky… I want this.” Bucky let out a long breath.

“Thank fuck.” That was the last thing he said before his lips slotted with yours.  “Do you know how much I’ve wanted this? I have dreamed about this.” He trailed slowly down to your jaw, sucking a small kiss behind your ear, and then back down to your collarbone. “God, you’re amazing.” His hands rushed down to your hips, rubbing deep circles pulling the tops of your shorts down a tad.

“You’re gorgeous doll, perfect.”  Working back down towards your perked breasts, nibbling a bit on the small buds you gasped.

“J-James, please…” your nails found his shoulders and dug into the soft skin. “M-More…”

Bucky grabbed at your shorts and pulled them down your legs, along with your panties. Wasting no time, he immediately dragged his fingers up the inside of your thigh. “You gonna be wet for me doll?” You nod feverishly, letting the embarrassment settle in on your cheeks. Covering your face, you let out a shaky moan.

“Babydoll, get those hands away from your face so I can see you. I want to see all of you.” He grabbed one of your hands and pulled it away, your eyes connecting with his lust filled blue ones. “Perfect.”

Buckys metal hand dipped into your folds, letting you writhe and gasp. “B-Bucky, please…” Buck smirked and stroked at your clit, rubbing small circles against the nub full of nerves.

“Please what baby?” You tilted your head back against the pillow and groaned. He was going to be the death of you.

“I need you. Bucky- I need you in me, please.” Bucky laughed and yanked off his pajama pants and boxers.

“Well that’s all you had to say, princess.” Leaning over you, Bucky lined himself up with your entrance, pausing again. Bucky looked at you and his blue eyes turned serious. “Last chance, Y/N. Last chance to back out and we can say this never happened.”

You rolled your eyes, wrapping your legs around his hips. “For fuck’s sake Bucky!” You pushed the heels of your feet into his ass making him jolt forward into you.

You both moaned at the sensation. “Fucking hell, princess. You feel so amazing.” Letting you adjust, he leaned down and kissed at your neck, leaving love bites in his wake.

“Bucky, move, I’m ready.” Slowly, Bucky pulled out and pushed back in. Breathless moans let Bucky know he was doing something right. Bucky got faster, the tension between the two of you melting like butter. All that’s left is gasps and moans, and small dirty phrases whispered quietly into each other’s ears.

Your moans grew louder as you got closer to your peak. With a bite to his earlobe you came around him, the room hot and heavy with the stench of you two. “Im close.” Bucky whispered as he continued to slam into you.

“You can come in me, im on the pill.” Bucky let out a breath and grabbed your legs. Pushing them forward, Bucky angled himself directly onto that little spot that makes you swear you’ve seen god. “O-Oh fuck, Bucky!” His hips stuttered and he pulsed inside you once, twice, and then stilled his hips as he collapsed onto you.

“Jesus, why haven’t we done this sooner?” You laughed breathlessly as he pulled out.

Pulling away from you, Bucky looked down towards his mess and smirked a bit, pushing his and your come back into you. “Stay there, I’ll be right back.” Bucky sauntered towards the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it with warm water, cleaning himself first and then you.

Flopping back down on the bed, Bucky brought his hands behind his head. “So whenever you want to drop by, you can.” You could tell he was starting to pull away again. Slowly you got up, collecting your things and putting them on slowly.

“Y-Yeah. Same goes for you. My doors always open.” Pulling you shirt over your head, you went for the door.

“Y/N?” Turning back around, you see Bucky, still stark naked, sitting up on his recently fucked in bed. ‘God he looks gorgeous.’

“Yeah?” Bucky smirked.

“See you around, okay?” You nodded and rushed out, desperately needing a shower and to get as far from him as you could for the moment.

***

Months… Months is how long this continues and its waring on you. The late-night texts, the small looks you receive in the common areas, sly touches to your side in the kitchen while he whispers into your ear what he plans on doing to you. You can’t do this for much longer. The two of you were in a deep make out session that was leading to clothes falling to the floor, your shirt, his shirt. Your pants undone for easy access. It took a puff of breath during a very intimate session on the bed to your neck to jolt you away from him to realize you can’t do this.

“Bucky. Stop. Violet—shit Violet…” That word pulled him away. He stopped, eyes wide, hands flinching away from you.

“Your safe word already? Doll, we just—” You stopped him and got up. Tears threatening to spill, you reached down to pick up your shirt off his floor. “Y/N… Shit—Y/N, c’mon, talk to me babe.” He reached out to, wrapping his hand around your elbow.

You yanked away as if he had burned you, tears now falling like a waterfall, fat and ugly. “Don’t. Don’t call me that…” Wiping pointlessly at your face you turned to him and gave in. “Buck… I can’t… I can’t do this anymore. The whole ‘Friends with Benefits’ thing.” You gave him air quotes, letting your eyes drift away from him. It hurt to look at him and say this. “Bucky, I can’t help that I’ve fallen hopelessly irrevocably in love with you.” You looked at his astonished face, eyes glued to his as you finally laid your heart out.

“I fucking love you and you won’t let me have you.” You hiccupped and wiped your nose poorly on your wrist. Bucky looked at you with confusion and sympathy. His face said; ‘oh you poor girl.’ That just pissed you off. “Stop looking at me like you haven’t known about this for months. I was so nervous getting into this type of relationship with you because of this. I knew I would. And I still did it because I wanted to be near you. With you in some way.” You laughed. “Sometimes I think, ’What if I just said no?’ Because what would happen? Would I still be in love with you? Would you be jumping on some poor girl in the bar?” You sat back down on the bed, tears falling in heavy droplets. Bucky remained silent after your reveal, making you feel that much worse about the entire thing.

The silence continued as your tears slowly came to a halt. Bucky sat on the bed next to you, giving you space but also trying to silently be there for you. His hand touched your lower thigh, a soft caress on your knee helped you breathe a little more. “You know… Together we make a pretty damn good team.” Buckys gruff voice made you look up at the man. His soft blue eyes gazing into you. He looked away and back down to his lap, pulling his hand with him. “I… I don’t know… How… I can’t just fall into something. It takes time and I thought… Maybe, there could be a way for me to forget that all this shit has happened. Maybe I could talk about it, or…” His eyes landed back on you.

“That first night you came to my room… Why.” Buckys eyes burned into your soul, pulling you towards him.

Sniffling, you answered, voice cracked and weak. “You were screaming… I knew you were having nightmares and I just…” You wiped your nose once again. “I wanted to help.” Bucky hummed and looked back down to his feet.

“I get that… The feeling of wanting to help. When Stevie and Tony started fighting over the accords, I wanted to help him. I felt like what I was doing was right.” Bucky paused and huffed. “But that has nothing to do with what me and you are going through.” He turned back to you and smiled. “You did help me. After that night… The nightmares… They became less recurring. I wake up fresh every morning, feel like I can conquer the world.” Laying his hand on yours he squeezed lightly. “You did that. You. Being around you, hearing your laugh, your moans, your breathing being near you helped me feel like a human again instead of some super soldier machine.” Your eyes widened, and you looked at his face for any sort of hint to a lie.

“At first I thought it was the sex. Which I really enjoy by the way.” That made you smile a bit, a laugh bubbling up in your chest. “So, I kept you at a distance. ‘I get lonely and drift to my thoughts, call Y/N.’ I can’t sleep. ‘Y/N, you up?’ I wake up in cold sweats from vivid dreams, I walk to your room and sneak in.” You turned your hand in his and intertwined your fingers. “I started relying on you for sex alone because that’s what I thought would help… But you started talking to me, letting me in. Giving me a chance to know the real you.” Bucky smiled and rested his forehead against yours. “I started falling for you… I just thought you wanted the same from the beginning, so I never bothered. I didn’t want to scare you off.”

Your reached up to touch his face, your thumb caressing the laugh lines next to his mouth. “I love you, James Barnes.” You kissed him passionately, pulling in all the emotion you’ve hidden.

“I love you too, doll.”

Your hands reached up into his locks and you scratched at his scalp. “What do we do now?”

Bucky laughed and kissed you again. “How about we finished what we started?” You smiled and laid back down on the bed.

“Deal.”

#gabs1kwritingchallenge #Bucky Barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky #james buchanan barnes #bucky x y/n #team lads ass tries to write

[pulaasul]

The Reaper and The Master of Death

Harry Potter and Death watch some events unfold, starting with Tobirama Senju's creation of the Reanimation Jutsu.

[FFN] [Ao3]

--------

Harry looked amused as the personification of death sighed beside him as he and the personification watched a certain white-haired, blue-armored man successfully create a spell, jutsu as they were called in this world, that resurrected the dead, technically speaking.

The shinobi, as Harry learned they were called, slammed his hands on the ground and the three persons that were bound before him had dust, ash and dirt sticking to their bodies up until three unfamiliar figures replaced the prisoners.

"Reminds me of the inferi actually." Harry thought out loud.

"The inferi are called zombies in other worlds," Death huffed. "This one actually grabs the souls of the dead and forcibly puts them in another, after ejecting the soul of the host body," They continued. "It's rather accurate to compare them to the Black Lantern Corps minus the use of host bodies to call forth the souls of the dead."

"So how this works is that a DNA specific to that body is what's triggering an effect akin to the Resurrection Stone through their Chakra and puts the summoned souls into a living body, essentially creating a zombie that retains all their personality and knowledge that uses a living host to exist."

"In a sense." Death nodded.

"At the very least, he seemed not too keen on playing god as the thought of resurrecting the loved ones he lost in the clan wars hasn't crossed his mind." Harry offered. "I'm pretty sure he's just using the emotions and skills tied to the dead to his advantage."

Indeed, none of the unfamiliar figures resembled the white-haired man at all.

"Working with Weasley has strengthened your strategies, I see." Death commented. "You are right, even your very own Albus Dumbledore succumbed to the temptations of the Resurrection Stone and tried to call for the actual resurrection of his sister and parents."

"I'm pretty sure this type of strategy wouldn't cross Ron's mind," Harry offered. "The guy has a pretty good sense of morals despite what we experienced."

"My point still stands," Death shrugged. "He was a strategic genius even when you both were still eleven."

"Still can't believe there are versions of Professor Dumbledore that wanted to control everyone, who'd gaslight everyone around him just to keep everything in his control."

"You've seen for yourself how those Dumbledores are," Death offered. "I mean there are versions of you who sided with Riddle."

"I know," Harry sighed. "Still uncomfortable with those realities." He shook his head. "In any case, back to the man, Tobirama was it?"

"That's his name." Death nodded.

"I don't think we should worry about this spell or jutsu of his to be used to resurrect entire armies, as Voldemort did with his inferi, the jutsu is still limited to the caster's chakra."

--------

"Okay this, this I did not expect." Harry admitted.

A hooded, pale as white man had a lot of prisoners bound up before him as he slammed his hand to the ground, making the earth and dust gather around his captives and took the form of another person.

"I did not think possible that using the chakra around them can be used to fuel the jutsu." Death nodded. "This makes for good entertainment I suppose."

"Even that Orochimaru person wasn't playing god as soon as soon as he understood the jutsu," Harry pointed out. "Even though he has a lot of similarities to Voldemort regarding his animal of choice and his quest for immortality."

"I agree, and he had his hands sealed inside my stomach for some time alongside the souls of the Hashirama, Hiruzen, Minato and the creator of the jutsu, Tobirama."

"I've got to say, it was pretty ironic that the jutsu's creator was summoned by the very jutsu he created." Harry commented. "I still have a lot of questions regarding you eating their souls tho, I still remember being human and that looked like cannibalism to me."

"It's a visual metaphor." Death shrugged. "How I seal the souls is dependent on the cognition of the jutsu's creator, had the jutsu's creator created the jutsu with a gourd as a container in her mind, I would have appeared with a gourd in hand."

"So where are they, if not inside your stomach?"

"Limbo." Death answered. "Until anyone finds a way to free them from limbo, which in this world's case my stomach, they're staying there for good."

--------

"I feel sorry for the Uchihas." Harry offered as he observed the shinobi alliance fight against the hordes of dead shinobi. "They were wiped out, barring a few survivors, and they don't get to join this war."

"Well fate works in mysterious ways," Death shrugged. "It turns out there actually was a consequence to creating this jutsu."

"Don't tell me, the early demise of Tsunade Senju's fiancé and younger brother." Harry raised an eyebrow.

"That and a few others."

"No way! The Uchihas were collateral damage too?"

"Remember one of Tobirama's students?" Death asked. "The one that had bandages all over his body?"

"Danzo? What about him?"

"Well Danzo took Tobirama's paranoia and suspicions on the Uchihas to the very extreme that lead to the massacre of the clan, which tied everything in a neat ribbon."

"But what about Naruto, he's been wearing the cursed necklace since he won that bet against Tsunade."

"What do you think? You're a child of prophecy, the same as him."

"Huh, never thought of that." Harry hummed.

--------

"What great irony." Death commented.

Kabuto has just finished the hand seals necessary to dispel the reanimation jutsu.

"The Uchiha, the collateral for the creation of such jutsu was the one to stop it from running and return the souls of the dead, where they belong." Harry grinned. "It's the man who was forced to kill his entire clan too."

"I want you to meet him and give him a reward for such display." Death urged.

"Any reward?"

"Yes, but if he does go for an actual resurrection, limit it only to one or two." Death nodded.

---------

"Hello Itachi Uchiha." Harry greeted the confused Uchiha.

"W-who are you?" Itachi's eyes narrowed. "The Reanimation jutsu should've been undone."

"It was." Harry nodded. "Take a look around you, where do you think we are?"

"The Uchiha compound?" Itachi looked around. "Only silent and cleaner."

"The Uchiha compound you say?" Harry raised an eyebrow. "Regardless, your effort to bring the souls back to where they belong was rather brilliant." He praised.

"It was in an effort to save the Hidden Leaf…" Itachi trailed off.

"Call me Harry."

"It was to save the Hidden Leaf Harry." Itachi continued.

"An altruistic reason." Harry nodded. "In any case, fancy playing a prank on everyone alive? Especially Madara?"

"Prank?"

"Don't you think it's rather curious that no Uchiha, apart from you, was summoned from the dead?"

"I didn't question the absence of the Uchiha in the front lines. "Had the Uchihas were present the Shinobi alliance would have been wiped out almost immediately or at the very least would prove difficult to be fought against."

"Are you so sure about that Itachi-kun?" Harry questioned. "I was under the impression that only a few of you were able to awaken the Mangekyou and train it's exclusive powers."

"No, I am aware that only a few of us have unlocked the Mangekyou and even fewer to fully harness its powers." Itachi shook his head. "Had Shisui been present in the battle, he'd have killed a battalion in one strike."

"Shisui of the Body Flicker." Harry nodded.

"With the benefits gotten as a summon of the Reanimation, he'd be unstoppable, he's fast enough that no one would be able to seal him, even moreso if Kabuto had sealed his personality and made use of his abilities."

"Shisui's presence would've put more casualties than they already are." Harry nodded. "In any case, back to my idea."

"What does pranking everyone mean for the people battling now would entail?"

"Apart from a short reprieve from all the battles, especially for the living? Imagine the look on everyone's face as soon as some of the Uchihas started showing up."

---------

Everyone has just lost the alliance's intelligence headquarters through the ten tail's attack.

Without a moment of reprieve Madara and Obito, by controlling the ten tails, resumed their assault on the shinobi alliance and bombarded with attacks with its appendages: tails, feet and hands.

It culminated with another tailed beast bomb that directly targeted the entire shinobi alliance, if not for the timely intervention of the reanimated fourth Hokage: Minato Namikaze.

As the previous Hokages arrived, they immobilized the ten tails which gave the shinobi alliance a turn to attack the huge beast.

The unprecedented happened however, the ten tailed beast created 'clones', for lack of better term, of various sizes and forms in an attempt to defend itself from the onslaught of attack form the alliance.

The alliance were able to stand their ground but none were able to approach the main body, where it lay restrained.

Suddenly, a lot of those 'clones' were suddenly slashed and bisected, some were even obliterated.

"You sure grew up Sasuke." A voice commented as he stood on top of Sasuke's summon.

"Shisui."

"Eeeeh! That's Shisui?!" Naruto exclaimed in disbelief.

"The Uchiha clan will officially join the Shinobi Alliance!"

The third Hokage and Sasuke immediately recognized the person who made the announcement, one Fugaku Uchiha.

"The Uchiha clan?" Tobirama questioned. "I thought they were extinct."

"Do not worry about that Lord Second." Shisui grinned as he appeared beside the second Hokage, slashing a clone that managed to get through the rushing shinobi. "We're all still dead, someone used the white Zetsus lying around as sacrifice and reanimated some members of the clan."

"Hiruzen, Minato." Fugaku acknowledged the presence of the Hokage he was familiar with.

"I apologize for Danzo's actions Fugaku, I was too weak to stop him."

"It's too late for apologies Hiruzen, I am however thankful that you let Itachi spare Sasuke."

"Of course."

"Shisui, accompany Sasuke and his companions to the ten tail's body the rest of us help clean these up."

"Yes Lord Fugaku!" Shisui and the other members of the Uchiha clan voiced their affirmation.

With the aid of the Uchiha clan, some that have access to the Mangekyou and Susanoo, they made quick work with the ten tail's clones that some were even able to assist Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura and Shisui obliterating all the obstacles the appeared on their way towards the ten tail's main body.

--------

"Apart from Madara, who's the other man beside him?" Fugaku asked the two Hokages he was with.

"You don't recognize him?" Minato questioned. "That's Obito."

"Obito? Shouldn't he have died during your mission at the Kannabi bridge?" Fugaku beheaded a ten-tails clone.

"From what I have gathered, he didn't." Hiruzen smashed another clone right under his bo staff.

"According to Kakashi, Madara was the one who saved him, his body was indeed crushed by the boulder that we thought had killed him." Minato slashed a ten tailed clone

"This is your fault Sarutobi! Namikaze!" One of the Uchihas with the third and fourth Hokage exclaimed.

"I will not deny my part on Obito's descent, but do not put all the blame on the third and me," Minato shook his head. "It was the Uchiha clan who thought he was a disgrace in the first place, did you not?" He huffed as he stabbed another clone in the eyes.

"From what the intelligence corps had been relaying since they were reanimated, Obito was also the one responsible for releasing the Kyuubi and ordered it to attack the village." Hiruzen slammed three ten tailed clones with his bo staff. "He was also the one who killed the entire clan, Itachi's hands were only soaked in your and your wife's blood."

"He's also responsible why both Kushina and I died." Minato offered. "Why don't we continue this conversation when were done with the war." He suggested as he shook his dead.

"No need," Fugaku shook his head. "What happened to the clan was a series of karmic events that started with the clan doing wrong with one of their own."

"He was such a sweet, optimistic and helpful boy," Minato lamented. "To see him turn out this way was what hurt the most."

--------

"Lee Focus!" Neji barked as he performed the Rotation and destroy all incoming enemies.

Neji landed beside Lee and performed a series of air palms and blew alot of the clones away from his general vicinity.

"Neji… Y-you're."

"Yes I am dead." Neji nodded. "However I was summoned alongside the Uchiha clan to help aid in this ongoing war."

"A-are there others with you?"

"Now's not the time for that." Neji shook his head. "We will battle one last time." He smiled at his teammate. "We will rendezvous with Tenten."

"Yosh!"

---------

"What's going on Shisui? The reanimation Jutsu should've been undone." Sasuke questioned.

"It was undone alright." Shisui jumped from an incoming attack. "We were reanimated right after it was undone." He fired a fireball at the enemies in front of the group.

"After it was undone?" Naruto questioned.

"Apparently, like with Orochimaru reanimating the previous Hokages, someone used the jutsu to summon members of the Uchiha clan and some others." Shisui shrugged.

---------

"Looks like your clansmen disagree with you Madara." Hashirama commented.

"It wouldn't be the first time that this happened." Madara scoffed.

----------

"The One Tailed Beast was once connected to me, I'll get them!" Gaara released a thick trail of chakra infused sand and grabbed hold of the One Tail's chakra.

"We finally found the weakness and that is the key. Leave the Eight Tailed Beast's chakra to me." Killer Bee rapped as he used the Eight Tail's tentacles and clung unto the Eight Tail's chakra.

A chakra tug of war between the ten tail's jinchuuriki against Naruto, Sasuke, Gaara and Killer Bee ensued. They managed to pull out the tailed beasts' chakra from inside Obito but they were at an impasse.

Obito was a strong shinobi in his own right and with the added bonus of being the ten tails's jinchuuriki, that power increased exponentially. He was able to cling unto the tailed beasts' chakra that reacted to Naruto and Sasuke's attack.

"Don't underestimate the ten tail's jinchuuriki!" Obito declared as he pulled the tailed beasts' chakra harder to his person.

The Susanoo armor sprouted a handed from the back and pulled on one of Kurama's armored tails.

"Just keep pulling Naruto!"

The members of Naruto's graduating class arrived and gave their assistance as they clasped on one of tails.

Soon after everyone from the shinobi alliance arrived and with the help of Minato's tailed beast form's chakra, everyone gave their assistance and pulled.

"That's great! Everyone on my mark!" Naruto declared. "Ready! Set!"

Everyone positioned themselves comfortably as they awaited Naruto's signal.

"Pull!"

Everyone from the shinobi alliance heeded Naruto's call and pulled on the chakra.

Naruto himself pulled with all his might.

"Don't underestimate everyone's power!" Naruto declared.

As much as Obito's will had wavered for a brief moment, he was still the most powerful being present, even with everyone trying to pull away the tailed beasts' chakra from him. He responded everyone's convictions and actions with his own and pulled some of the chakra back to him.

"Continue to pull Naruto!" A very familiar voice exclaimed. "Leave Obito to us!"

Kushina arrived with Mikoto and Jiraiya.

"Mom." Naruto and Sasuke muttered to themselves as they watched their respective mothers join the fray.

Another Susanoo armor manifested around the Uchiha matriarch as chains sprouted from Kushina's body and wrapped themselves around Obito's torso.

"I will be joining into the fray, I'll leave him to you ladies."

"Thanks for the lift Jiraiya." Kushina grinned.

"Kushina get in here." Mikoto scooped up her friend and placed Kushina beside her inside her Susanoo.

With Kushina and Mikoto pulling Obito and the shinobi alliance pulling the chakra with Naruto, the leaf's jinchuuriki was successful in liberating the other tailed beasts' chakra from the ten tailed beast, defeating Obito in the massive tug-of-war.

---------

The Sage of Six Paths and the all the previous Kages summoned Team 7 and all the other tailed beasts from Kaguya's dimension.

The reanimated people began catching up to team 7, particularly the Uchihas with Sasuke and Naruto's parents and godfather.

Shisui made one last action of ruffling his cousin's hair before joining Fugaku and Mikoto.

"I'm afraid we all must go." The sage of six paths voiced out as he shook his head.

The reanimated people nodded in understanding as they glowed and began to dissipate, their bodies disintegrating into earth and dust.

Naruto and Sasuke didn't waste time and bid farewell to their loved ones.

---------

"Why haven't we left the living plane?" Hashirama questioned.

"Some of you have yet to leave your earthly constructs." The Sage of six paths shook his head. "Also, as I am the father of Sasuke's and Naruto's first incarnations, of Indra and Asura, it is my duty as their father to watch this conflict I knew I have helped sow to its very end."

"Choosing Asura over Indra." The second Hokage crossed his ethereal arms.

"Go Naruto! Know that your mother's rooting for you! You know!" Kushina yelled.

"Go for it Sasuke! The entire Uchiha clan has got your back!" Mikoto responded her own cheer.

"Mikoto, is that how the wife of the Uchiha clan head should act?" Fugaku rebuked.

"Really?" Mikoto raised an eyebrow. "We're dead if you haven't already noticed Fugaku, I don't care about upholding the clan's values when the same values got all of us killed."

"I didn't realize Mikoto-san has quite a temper to her." Minato commented.

"Motherhood mellowed her out," Fugaku admitted. "She knew she didn't want her sons to inherit her infamous temper."

"I guess I should've known considering how good friends she and Kushina were." Minato chuckled.

"Birds of a feather indeed." Fugaku nodded.

---------

To Naruto's and Sasuke's surprise, and utter embarrassment, their loved ones have yet to return to the pure world and they just knew that everyone witnessed their battle.

"You did good Sasuke." Fugaku nodded.

"You were great Naruto!" Kushina praised. "My son is so powerful!"

"Just like we'd hope, right Kushina?" Minato asked his wife.

"As for the reason we're still here, I felt it prudent for everyone to say goodbye to their late loved ones instead of just a few of them having that chance," The sage of six paths voiced out.

The casualties of the fourth shinobi world war as well as the fallen loved ones of the living people, who just woke up from the infinite tsukuyomi-induced slumber, appeared and they talked with each other like Tsunade talking to her late fiancé and younger brother.

Team Gai talking to Neji.

Shikamaru and Ino talking to their respective fathers, and with Chouji, they conversed with Asuma.

"Wait!" Naruto exclaimed. "Konohamaru needs to know you're here old man!" He exclaimed as he disappeared in a yellow flash and appearing a moment later, carrying the third hokage's grandson.

"What gives boss?! I know I was bored in the village but you didn't have to drag me out of it out of nowhere!" Konohamaru whined.

Naruto shook his head and gestured to the third Hokage.

"Grandpa." Konohamaru's eyes widened. "Gramps!" The young Sarutobi tackled his grandfather and hugged him as tight as he could.

"You've grown Konohamaru." Hiruzen returned the hug. "I heard you had defended the leaf spectacularly." The late Hokage ruffled the young Sarutobi's hair affectionately.

"He has indeed sensei." Tsunade affirmed. "Saved his jounin sensei from being killed during one of Akatsuki's attacks."

"Keep up the good work Konohamaru," Hiruzen smiled at his grandson. "I'm proud of you."

"And so am I." Asuma interjected.

Asuma turned to his team. "Look after him will you?"

"We will Asuma-sensei." Shikamaru nodded.

Soon enough everyone bid farewell to their loved ones: Naruto with his parents and godfather; Sasuke with his clan; Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji with their fathers and teacher; Tsunade with her grandfather, fiancé and younger brother; Konohamaru with his grandfather and uncle.

As soon as everyone disappeared, Shisui, whose body have yet to disintegrate, collapsed.

"What's happening?!"

Tsunade and Sakura were quick to rush to the unconscious Uchiha.

-----------

"Hello Shisui Uchiha." Harry greeted the boy.

"Hello" Shisui greeted back but his hands were on his short sword. "Is this the pure world?"

"You have unique circumstances Shisui," Harry informed the Uchiha. "Someone made the choice to resurrect you as a reward for a job well done."

"Resurrect me?" Shisui raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry but shouldn't that be impossible?"

"Not entirely in your world," Harry shrugged. "Chiyo of the Hidden Sand was able to resurrect their Kazekage, Gaara, after he was killed hours prior, Nagato used the Rinnegan's ability to resurrect the hidden leaf's casualties during his attack on the village, Madara forcefully used the same ability with the Rinnegan in Obito's possession to resurrect himself," He explained. "All of them at the cost of the user's life."

Would you really sacrifice your life for me, whoever you are?"

"Call me Harry," Harry smiled. "And what makes you think I'm a living person?"

"I mean we are talking aren't we?"

"Where exactly do you think we are?" Harry asked.

"I don't know, I was about to ask you the same question." Shisui fired back.

"Humor me." Harry urged.

Shisui looked around his surroundings.

"This… this is the top of the Hokage's Tower." Shisui declared. "That's the Hokage Mountain." He pointed at mountain with the faces of the Hokage carved on it.

"Looks like Mount Rushmore." Harry muttered to himself.

"But it's silent and cleaner." Shisui observed.

"The Hokage Tower below the Hokage Mountain huh?" Harry hummed. "It make sense." He nodded.

"So this is the boy Itachi Uchiha wanted to resurrect." The sage of six paths observed. "Rather curious that he didn't choose his parents."

"I don't think it's quite that interesting Hagoromo." Harry shook his head. "One of Itachi's few regrets was Shisui Uchiha's death."

"Also one of the very few Uchihas who didn't inherit Indra's curse of hatred," The sage of six paths nodded. "He also loved his village that he essentially gave his life for her survival."

"Shouldn't Itachi be the one resurrected?" Shisui offered his input.

"That can't be done Shisui," Harry shook his head. "It has to be you."

"Why me?" Shisui questioned. "Don't you think it'd be unfair for everyone who lost someone in the war but somehow I'm the one who gets resurrected?" He reasoned.

Harry and the sage looked at each other and smiled.

"Don't you want to go back Shisui?" Harry asked.

"I'm not saying I don't want to…" Shisui trailed off.

"Cedric…" Harry whispered to himself

Harry shook his head as he focused on his current circumstance.

"Ultimately Shisui, you have a choice," Harry looked at Shisui's eyes. "You can choose to go back to the pure world or be resurrected."

"Can I have some time to think over everything?" Shisui asked.

"Take your time." Harry nodded.

Shisui took his time to decide and Harry could understand. Unlike his circumstances, Shisui didn't have anyone left to protect when Harry still had more he cherished.

Harry may have accepted the fact that he may die but when a choice was given to him, he didn't hesitate to grab it.

One thing was sure, things were different for one Shisui Uchiha.

------------

"How is he alive?"

Were the words Shisui heard as soon as he regained consciousness, it immediately clued him on his current state: a living person.

"Unlike Madara, he didn't perform the hand seals necessary to keep himself in this world."

"No, only the Rinnegan has the ability to resurrect people from the dead."

"No, Chiyo-sama of the Hidden Sand used a medical jutsu to resurrect Gaara when his tailed beast was stolen from him at the cost of her own life."

"That still leaves the Rinnegan as the viable answer."

"Do you think Sasuke…"

"Why use the ability on Shisui and not on Itachi or his parents?"

"Then how?"

"Putting Shisui's resurrection on the sides for now, how're the people reacting?"

"The only people aware are the people present in the front lines, and the majority of them are indifferent on the matter."

"He's regained consciousness."

"Shisui Uchiha." Shisui was immediately aware that Tsunade was one of the people who was talking about him outside his room as he watched her appear through the door. "It appears that you have been resurrected." The fifth Hokage stood beside his bed and gave him an assessing stare.

"I don't really know lady Hokage," Shisui shook his head. "All I know that the Uchiha clan were reanimated at the place where I killed myself," He admitted. "Alongside the other casualties of the fourth shinobi world war."

"It appears someone used the Rinne Rebirth jutsu on you," Tsunade relayed. "That is the ability exclusive to the Rinnegan that resurrects the dead." She looked at the clip board she was holding." However, there's only one living person who has the Rinnegan, the others who have this bloodline are dead when you were resurrected."

"Grandma."

Naruto barged into the room.

"You're supposed to be resting Naruto," The fifth Hokage admonished. "You wanted a new hand attached to your arm."

"I know that but Grandpa Sage said that I needed to tell you something."

"The Sage of Six Paths?" Shisui raised an eyebrow, remembering the events of the war.

"Well?" Tsunade prompted impatiently.

"He said that Shisui was revived un…kon…" Naruto struggled. "Gaah! Why'd he have to use complicated words?!" He whined.

"You're saying that Shisui was resurrected using unconventional standards?" Tsunade finished Naruto's train of thought.

"Yes! Yes that!" Naruto eagerly nodded.

"Lady Tsunade, Shisui shouldn't even have his eyes." Sakura reported. "According to Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei, Madara's eyes disappeared when he used the Rinne Rebirth jutsu on himself."

"And According to Ibiki's report, the way the Reanimation jutsu works was what their body was what like when they died, if they died without their eyes, they shouldn't even have eyes." The fifth Hokage hummed. "Madara was the exception."

"According to Grandpa Sage, the reaper was the one who reanimated him." Naruto supplied.

"The reaper?" Sakura questioned.

"I'm guessing that's the being that appears when the Yondaime and Sandaime used the Reaper Sealing jutsu." Tsunade speculated. "In that case, I suppose this is one mystery that will never be solved." Tsunade announced. "I'm declaring that the circumstances of Shisui Uchiha's resurrection an S-class secret."

"Isn't that a bit overkill Lady Hokage?" Shisui asked. "It's not like we found something out, and wouldn't declaring my circumstance pose more danger?"

"You are right Uchiha." Tsunade nodded. "However, by declaring your circumstances an S-rank secret, we can avoid people asking questions." She offered.

-----------

"Are you sure you're okay about this?" Harry questioned Death as they watched what was happening in the Hidden Leaf's hospital. "Getting the credit for something that we know is a lie."

"No harm done," Death shrugged. "No one in this world knows of your circumstances, aside from the sage," They pointed out. "Even then I don't think he's sure of what you represent master."

"You and I both know that I'm not your master." Harry rolled his eyes. "You also know how I feel about garnering a title that I did not earn."

"But you did, uniting all three hallows." Death rebutted.

"Yeah if we're talking about technicalities, and you know we're not," Harry argued. "Why'd you even create them anyway?"

"Just like with Shisui, it was a reward," Death answered. "But unlike Shisui, it was a test of morals and values."

"Morals and values?" Harry snorted. "You do know that the wizards and witches are the worst kind of sort, especially the pure blooded ones."

"That's why it was a test," Death shrugged. "I was testing on how they would use my gifts. The first brother was ego centric and a bit of a narcissist, so he immediately boasted his new wand.

The second brother was a lover, but he let his love consume his being.

The third brother was a lot like you, he just wanted a quiet life and didn't want to be in the spotlight like his first brother, he let his love define but never consume him."

"So it wasn't a trick like some books had surmised?"

"It never was a trick Harry." Death shook their head. "I was never angry at them for escaping their supposed demise in the first place."

"So you mean to say that you never searched for the third brother?"

"Why would I search? The effects of the invisibility cloak never affected me." Death offered. "I suppose you could say that the cloak was a timer of sorts and I would only collect any soul in possession of the cloak when the timer passes."

"So if the third brother was the same as the first and second brothers, what could've happened?"

"There are a lot of possibilities, had he used the cloak, like how a certain toad sage would, he could be a case of dying of 'I did not know he was standing in front of me while I was practicing for the curse.'"

"Have you seen that happen?"

"Interestingly enough, the third brother has always acted the same way, despite the different circumstances of how the brothers acquired the hallows."

"So the existence of the hallows are also consistent in other realities."

"Of course." Death nodded. "Let me change the topic for a bit."

"Go on."

"Why'd you mention your fellow Triwizard Champion when you talked with Shisui?" Death asked, curious.

"Shisui reminded me of Cedric," Harry admitted. "I think, if he had survived the tournament, he'd do what Shisui had done."

"You do realize that there are realities whe-"

"Where he's a death eater, I know." Harry finished Death's train of thought. "We both know the circumstances behind such a radical change in character."

"Like with Shisui and Itachi, Cedric was a double agent, using the circumstances of his loss to gain audience with the Dark Lord and the one of the things that your son and Scorpius didn't know was that Cedric was never the cause for Neville's death."

"Cedric was a huge loss to the Wizarding World, judging by the circumstances that happened after the tournament in the world where he supported Riddle." Harry sighed.

----------

"So who's going to be the clan head?" Naruto found himself asking the question to Iruka. "Should it be Sasuke because of his present age or Shisui who was born years before Sasuke."

"What brought this question Naruto?" Iruka raised an eyebrow.

"I dunno," Naruto shrugged. "It just came to me."

"Technically speaking, you're the clan head of the Uzumaki clan Naruto, as its only known living member." Iruka stated.

"What use is being a leader if you're not leading anyone? What use is being a kage in an empty village?" Naruto pointed out.

"That's the same situation for both Uchihas." Iruka answered. "Shisui and Sasuke are the only Uchihas left and there is no need for a leader with only two members, one of which is the leader."

"What about the Shinobi council?" Naruto questioned.

"I'm afraid that the Uchihas have little to no power on the matters of the council for the same reasons why the clan has no head, the things that would be decided in the council would have little to no effect on them."

"What if Sasuke or Shisui were to revive the Uchiha Police Corps?"

"Then they have a seat on the Shinobi Council." Iruka smiled. "I'm really happy that you're taking this lessons seriously Naruto."

"I can see why these are important to become Hokage and being a ninja does not only revolve around flashy jutsus and overpowering the enemy," Naruto grumbled. "Does not mean I like it."

"I know how frustrating it is for you." Iruka offered a comforting pat on the boy's shoulder. "You've always been someone who learned things through physical activities instead of just listening and reading." He smiled. "I know that you can pull through this."

"I will definitely finish this and become Hokage! Believe it!" Naruto declared.

"I definitely believe."

#harry potter #naruto #shisui uchiha #naruto uzumaki #sasuke uchiha #itachi uchiha #iruka umino #third hokage #fourth hokage #minato namikaze #kushina uzumaki #first hokage #second hokage #story #the reaper and the master of death

[aconstellationofmemories]

The Three Phases of Goodbye

Miraxus Week 2020 Day 5: Farewell, Day 7: Future, Bonus Day 1: Fur Coat.

This oneshot is somewhat rushed as I'm on a time constraint (exams, why do thou torture me so?). I drew most of my inspiration from Kyuhyun's "I Don't Love You" and Ella Henderson's "Yours" for Part I and Part II respectively. Highly recommend that you give them a listen!

Also on AO3.

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PART I

The first time it happened, was also the first time he made her cry.

He recalled having fought with Gramps earlier that day. For what reason exactly, he couldn’t remember. Only the phrase, “You’re a Dreyar,” uttered in disgust and the wounded emotions stuck with him.

While the name was held in high regard among the public, to him, it was a burdensome, hefty weight to carry. One he never wanted to.

No matter how strong he grew to be, Gramps was always disappointed in him. From a young age, everyone had placed great expectations upon his tiny shoulders. His father desired him to be powerful. His grandfather wished him to make the family name proud. The world expected him to be the great Dreyar next in line.

Each of them had dreamt a vision of him which he never asked for. All he wanted to be was simply Laxus. Was that too much to ask for?

He could be the strongest mage in Fiore, and Gramps would still let out a long sigh when he glanced at his grandson. Despite his efforts, he would always fall short.

The thought enraged him.

Even more annoyingly, his chest ached a little bit. Why should it? The hell with what Gramps perceived of him.

Unable to stand the sight of the old man or the guild a second longer, he stormed out without a destination in mind.

He just needed to get out.

Later that evening, he sought for some elusive relief at a bar. He threw back a few shots of beer without hesitation. A girl, apparently interested in him, slid into the stool next to him. Her hand on his thigh was an unwelcome sensation, almost as if he was betraying someone. The notion itself was ridiculous. He wasn’t bound to anyone. He seized her up with a penetrating gaze. Surprisingly, she didn’t flinch under his hard stare.

“Are you looking to forget something?” she asked seductively. Her hand, so foreign on his thigh, crawled up higher. “I can make you forget better than that drink.”

He had to admit it, the young lass was pretty. Long, dark tresses framed a slender olive complexion with mesmerising hazel eyes and tempting crimson lips. Her husky voice beckoned him to have a taste of the precious good in front of him. She was an irresistible beauty for most men.

To him, however, she only served as a stark contrast to a certain someone.

Just like how he couldn’t live up to his Gramps’ expectations, this woman could never be compared to the likes of that person.

Before the ambitious hand could progress any further, he grabbed it away from him. “I’m telling you this only once,” he warned, glaring at her. Still confident, she opened her mouth to interrupt him, but he was faster. “Get the hell away from me.”

Sensing the hostility from him, she clammed her mouth shut and wisely withdrew to some other part of the bar.

Thanks to her, his head was filled with images of an ivory-haired woman. Great. As if his day couldn’t get any worse.

“I knew you’d be here.”

The familiar voice halted the ascent of his glass.

“I heard what happened with the Master.” The woman of his imaginations had materialised into the real world and occupied the seat on his right.

“Did the senile old man sent you to check that I wouldn’t cause problems?” he asked sarcastically, his gaze focused on the gold liquid in his glass.

“I was worried about you.”

“Why? Afraid you’d get on his bad book and be demoted?”

Even as the words left his mouth, he knew it wasn’t true. She wasn’t that sort of person. Yet, he couldn’t stop himself from verbally hurting her.

“To other people, you’ve changed into someone else entirely–”

“That’s not wrong. I’m no longer the weak Laxus from before.”

“–but to me, deep down, you’re still the Laxus I knew.”

If he dared to believe it, she might even offer her heart to him.

The thought sent a slither of something eerily similar to fear down his spine.

Her gaze dropped to her hand. It rested upon his chest, directly on top of his heart. Unlike the woman from earlier, her touch didn’t felt repulsive.

“I know you’re not the bad person you make yourself to be. It’s just a defence mechanism to protect yourself. The Laxus I know is a man who cares for his family but doesn’t know how to show it. Because he was denied the love of his parents. He couldn’t show he was sad, because he was expected to be strong.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The steadiness in his voice concealed the uneven rhythms of his his heartbeats. Never in his life would he admit that his heart was trembling. Her words had awakened a part of him it shouldn’t have.

He watched the golden liquid flow around the glass as he twirled it. “If you think I’m hiding my true self like a coward, you’re delusional. This is who I am. Take it or leave it,” he spat.

“You can fool everyone, Laxus, even Master,” she said softly, “but you can’t fool me.”

It was right, she knew him better than anyone else. Even the most hidden part of him.

But he was also acquainted with her darkest secrets and weaknesses, and he wasn’t above wielding his knowledge of them.

Even if using them felt like he was stabbing himself.

Cupping her cheek in his calloused hand, he smirked at her. “Sweet, idealistic Mira,” he said cynically. “I used to like playing with you because you were different.”

“Playing?” she asked softly, in disbelief.

“You were full of spunk and challenged me,” he began, getting closer to her face. “But you changed after Lisanna’s death, and started to poke your nose into my business. It’s bothersome and I’m tired of it.”

“You’re just saying that to hurt me,” she said, her chin quivering.

“Am I not right?” He pinned her a hard stare, merely inches away from her face.

“Is this what you really want, Laxus?” she said, her voice shaking a little.

“Do you not get what I’m saying?” he evaded, then gulped quickly. “Stop meddling in my business,” he snarled, reluctantly dropping his hand. It was the last time he could ever touch her.

A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. It might as well have dragged him down along with it.

She stared tearfully at him for the final time. Are you really doing this? her gaze asked.

I am, his serious ones returned.

She nodded, then took a deep breath. Glancing down, she turned her back on him and strode away.

Just like that, without a word, she left.

Instinctively, his foot stepped forward to chase after her. His mind stopped his body before he could make another move. Forcing himself to accept what he had done, he closed his eyes and clenched his fists at his sides.

Even Mirajane Strauss was disappointed in him now.

“No, this is not what I want at all,” he confessed.

For some reason, it hurt more than if she had insulted him or hit him. At least if she had done either, it meant she was angry at him. If she hated him, she wouldn’t be in despair because of him.

Overwhelmed by sensations he didn’t want to identify, he mock-laughed at himself.

In the end, even when he grew stronger and bigger, nothing had changed over the years.

He was always alone.

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PART II

The second time, it was him who sought her out.

The sky was painted with shades of apricot as the sun made its glorious descent. The purplish grey hues of dusk was quickly creeping in. He found her by the beach, strolling barefoot absent-mindedly along the sandy path with her sandals in her hands. Strands of ivory locks fluttered in the breeze around her. Her footsteps were slow, making it seem like she was contemplating on something.

What could she be thinking? Was she recalling the events of the day, when he had rebelled against them and attempted to seize control of the guild?

Or was she replaying that moment when he said those disgusting, hurtful words to her?

Words which he wished he could take back.

As much as he wanted, he couldn’t undo the damage they had inflicted. However, there was one thing he could try to redeem himself.

“Hey, Mira.”

That was to start over. He would begin with a greeting and, if she was willing to give him another chance, slowly make his way to becoming closer to her once more. This time, without abusing her trust and faith.

Her footsteps halted at the call of her name. He held his breath in suspense as he awaited her reaction. Would she refuse to acknowledge him? Scold him? Call him names?

As long as she was willing to look at him again, he would be contented with any harsh treatment if it meant he could see her again.

She pivoted on her heels and glanced at him in mild surprise. She tucked a stray lock behind her ears and, to his disbelief, smiled sincerely at him. Even after all he had done, she didn’t hold any hatred for him in her gaze.

“Hey, Laxus.”

Just like that, with merely two words, she had granted him another chance.

He wouldn’t mess it up this time.

“What are you doing here?” he asked softly.

“Just enjoying the sunset,” she responded.

A pregnant silence fell between them, both not giving voice to the words they wanted to say. With the stiff atmosphere surrounding the space between them, you would never guess that they used to be childhood friends. Perhaps even something more than friends.

This had been his doing. What the hell have I done?

“Are your injuries okay?” she inquired, somehow managing to feel concern for him. Typical Mira. Her care knew no limits. He had used that trait against her that night, but in reality it was one of the many things which drew him to her.

“They won’t kill me,” he said. His whole body hurt. He couldn’t move a muscle without experiencing a sharp pull. Not that he would ever admit that out loud. “How are you?” he asked gruffly. Those three words felt foreign on his tongue. But he needed to know regardless.

“Now that I’ve seen you again, I’m doing better.”

He blinked.

“You’re always a family, Laxus.”

“I’m no longer part of Fairy Tail,” he said with a woeful smile. “Gramps exiled me.”

“Even so,” she emphasised, “even after all that, you’ll always be family to us.”

He dropped his gaze. “I...to you...” he began. “The things I’ve said...” Damn it. The words which he wanted to say, words which he meant, why wouldn’t they come out?!

“I know, Laxus,” she said softly, comfortingly.

“No...” he shook his head.

“You don’t have to say them, Laxus. I know.” She gazed at him in understanding. You didn’t mean them, it said.

Not a single word.

It’s okay.

Only it wasn’t. Not to him. Because of his foolish greed, he had broken the already fractured comradeship with his fellow members. On top of that, he ruined the bond which he shared over the years with her.

No, none of it was okay at all.

“It’s not your fault,” she said, as if hearing his thoughts. “Since you’ve walked down the wrong path, from now on, you’ll only go the right one.”

He smiled sadly at her. He hoped that would be the case.

For a long moment, they just stared wordlessly at each other.

“Are you leaving for a long time?” she eventually asked.

“I don’t know,” he said honestly. It was true. There wasn’t any fixed plan, only that he intended to train and do some soul-searching. He couldn’t hurt his loved ones because of his stupidity anymore.

She nodded, then smiled brighter than the blazing star in the sky. He took a photograph of the moment in his mind. The image would last him through the hard times.

“This is not goodbye, right?”

“Yeah. It isn’t.”

“Take care.”

He swallowed. “You too.”

Because he couldn’t bear to see her leave one more time, he took heavy footsteps away from her.

One, then another.

And another.

Until her light floral scent disappeared with the wind.

------------------------------------

PART III

One more hour.

Those were the words he repeated to himself.

Each time he said it, he vowed that he would muster the strength after one more hour.

That had been five hours ago.

Before he knew it, three hundred and seventeen minutes had elapsed since his first deal with himself. A fleeting nineteen thousand and twenty seconds which he hopelessly wished would last forever.

Just a little longer.

His eyes roamed over her features, memorising every little detail. Her loose fringe framing her forehead. The scrunch of her nose when she dreamt. The outline of her eyes. Her slightly parted lip. The sound of her breathing filled the silent morning.

Lying here like this, just watching her sleep, he could live this way forever.

Involuntarily accepting the reality, Laxus rustled slightly in bed and let out a quiet grunt to the silent room. He barely slept a wink the night before. Unlike the dawn which unveiled its dark drapes in anticipation to greet him, he wasn’t eager to commence his day. He moved carefully and as quietly as possible as to not wake her.

When he was dressed, he trudged back to the bed and gazed at her again for several long moments. No matter what, he just couldn’t get enough of her.

Carefully, he lifted his fur coat and covered her with it. It was her favourite. He was going to be away for a while, and it would accompany her in his place during his absence.  Although the coat had grown to be an indispensable part of him over the years, he loved the sight of her being swallowed by it as she wrapped it around her body. Secretly, a part of him found satisfaction in seeing her wearing his clothes. It showed the world that she was his.

All his.

Just like how he was all hers.

Gently touching her soft porcelain cheek, he leaned in and placed a kiss on her fringe-covered forehead. Go, you idiot. It took every last ounce of strength for him to trudge away from her.

He was leaving her again.

But this time, when he returned, he would rewrite their story.

There would be no more goodbyes exchanged between them, only a hello to new beginnings. Together.

He would ask for that forever.

#miraxus #miraxus week 2020 #miraxus week #laxus x mirajane #fairy tail #day 5: farewell #day 7: future #bonus day 1: fur coat #angst #flangst #my fanfic