#I had the best time ever at the strokes concert a week ago

[killersfool]

You Might Get What You Want | ROBERT KEATING

PAIRING: robert keating x original f!character

GENRE: childhood frenemies to lovers

SUMMARY: lucia (luz), nieve ella’s keyboardist, has an estranged history with inhaler—especially with the band’s bassist, bobby. their fiery hatred for eachother rapidly blossoms into something sweet, especially when she learns that he wrote a song about her.

WORDS: 5.8k

WARNINGS: kissing, swearing, alcohol use, mild sexual content

Being Nieve Ella's keyboardist has completely altered the course of my life. Only eight months ago, I was doing my second year of uni, trying to get through a Music course and completely regretting all of my life choices. My favourite part of the day would be getting home and sitting at my piano, writing songs and posting them on Tiktok. Views racked up, followers kept coming in and I think I realised how well everything was going when Laufey commented on my cover of 'Like The Movies'. Then about two weeks later, an email shot through my phone—literally like a bullet to skin. I dropped the rectangular device to the ground mid-lecture, hand on my mouth, teeth in my lip. 

Nieve Ella had asked me to join her on tour. With Inhaler.

At first I was laughing, then I was bawling with endless tears of happiness and now I'm on my final show still feeling woozy and adrenaline is banging through my brain. The whole band have become my best friends. And, quite shockingly, me and Inhaler have a weird shared history. I've known them since I was really young. I used to watch their first gigs at tiny venues where they'd run around in the crowd and hardly anyone knew the lyrics. I went to the same school as Bobby, Eli and Ryan who were a bunch of madmen. They'd let me hang out with them backstage or at practice and jam before they finally found a 'proper' keyboardist (Louis). To be honest, I'd always been slightly salty that I never got into the band. But I guess we were never close enough and I could be quite horrible to Bobby — but honestly, he deserved it. He was a whiny, teenage nightmare. Still is. Except he's not a teenager anymore.

Thankfully, Nieve Ella and the band take a train separate to Inhaler. I don't have to hear Bobby's jests 24/7.  Today we're heading to Dublin. The final stop of the Cuts and Bruises tour. It's been a long ride but it's all been worth it. I've had the best time ever. I'm listening to the Strokes, a song Bobby recommended to me a few weeks ago. It's been on my mind ever since and I can't stop hearing the same chords and riffs over and over. Even when my headphones leave my ears. The song is 12:51 and funnily enough Bobby has a tattoo right on his bicep with those exact numbers. The lads gave us a rather enjoyable tattoo tour with reasons for each of their inked designs. 

I lay back my head against the cushioned seat.  I like this, I prefer it to what I was doing before. The constant stress, the exams,  the structure. I like the freedom of doing shows and seeing new people and travelling to new places. Never sure what you're in for. Crowd after crowd with all different energies and enthusiasm. The adrenaline rush is the best part of the day but when you wake up the following morning, it's like the life has been sucked out of you. You feel like nothing. Human. A person with legs and arms. Flailing around with no thoughts in your head. A billion times worse than a hangover. Post concert depression.  The lull after such a powerful high. It's nice to go through that hell with a group of friends who all feel the same way. Becomes a strange group therapy.

For the past hour, I've been begging Josh to tell me what is on the set list. I'm praying they'll add some different songs. Older ones. Seeing as it's the last show of the tour. Something to surprise the fans. Maybe 'Falling In' or 'There's No Other Place' or even my favourite 'You Might Get What You Want'. That was one that was written when Rob was the lead singer of the band. When I'd bang the keys in that garage. When we'd sing the lyrics together and sound like an awful church choir. I never got the chance to listen to it live, performed properly by the band. I'm still heartbroken they didn't leave it on the track list for the album. I have to resort to listening to illegal Spotify versions. 

I feel like crying everytime I remember this is the last show I might ever do with Inhaler. The last time I might see the lot of them. They'll surely disappear off into the shadows once tour is over, making their next album, cutting off all contact to focus solely on their music. After spending so much time with a group of people, then completely losing them from your life, you just feel so very empty. Like a swimming pool with no water. Or a mug of tea left hollow after spilling it all by accident. Last night — I would never dare to admit this to anyone — I cried for two hours straight into the pillow of my hotel room. Tour is a glorious thing. Fun, exciting, terrifying all at the same time. But the thought of finality is what split me into pieces, broke me up and squeezed tear after tear from my eyes.

Fran keeps looking at me with raised eyebrows like she's about to ask a question. She's scribbling on her set list, making sure she knows exactly what's happening and when. Her earrings twinkle as she tilts her head, her eyeliner sharp and perfect. Her mouth parts the slightest bit to reveal white teeth, a small smile. "You alright there, Luz?"

God, anytime someone asks me that, it makes me want to cry ten times more. I look down the train compartment, stare at the bathroom and decide whether to make my move. Do I run and hide in there for the duration of the trip, two hours of crying into mouldy train toilet paper? Or do I try to brave it and tell her how I feel? Or just lie through gritted teeth? She's good at reading me. She'll know that I'm not telling the truth.

"Don't tell Nieve this but I feel like absolute shite." There it is. I said it. Fire sinks into my skin, blood rushes up to my head. I squeeze my cheek to make sure I am actually sitting here and that I'm not hallucinating. Lack of sleep had made me seem some weird shit. I need caffeine. Quick.

"We all do." Fran puts her hand on top of mine. "Look, one more show, then we can sleep for as long as we want."

"That's the thing. I don't want this to end."

Fran gets up from her seat and swivels around the table. She sits down beside me, arms opening up and embraces me until I think I see stars. No one has ever hugged me so tightly. My bones seem to audibly shift. 

"Nieve's doing a few shows in February, remember? And I'm sure next time Inhaler tours, they'll be on their hands and knees begging for us to come back." She strokes my hair. "Although, Bobby might be telling us to bugger off instead. You two need to sort out this drama. It's driving us all mad."

"He started it." I sound like a three-year-old irritated at my brother. 

Fran laughs to herself. "Fucking hell. I bet he did." 

—

Arguing. It's happened again. Our last day together has gone to a great start.

First stop of the day—a random restaurant that Ryan dragged us to. Hugs were shared, kind words uttered, teeth glowing under dim lights. I sit down on a wooden chair, peel my jacket from my body and place it on the back. The cool wind is slamming against the windows. I'd forgotten how cold Dublin was. Especially in November. Some Christmas lights adorn the streets and pubs are lively with masses of people. We were stopped a only once on the way there by a group of fans—even our attempt at scuttling through empty alleyways didn't work when five friends with Inhaler-themed cowboy-hats impeded our trail. They were lovely. Photos taken and compliments exchanged. Sadly, Bobby was in a bad mood. When I say a bad mood, I mean a 'I want to kill everyone on this planet and throw myself on a train track' kind of bad mood. He hid away from the fans, behind me and Nieve. His height wasn't particularly helpful in that instant. The blonde, 'Amelie', had said in her thick French accent, "Is that Bobby? I was wondering where he was."

Caught. Found. He thought staying there for a while longer would make them think he wasn't there at all. Amelie was persistent, however, and said softly, "Please could I take a picture with you?" 

Her friends all started whispering. Eli was tapping his friend on the shoulder to get him to move. He was frozen. Eli frowned and shook his head. 

"Sorry but Rob's being a bit weird today," Josh explained. "I don't think he wants any photos."

Amelie nodded, but the sadness in her eyes was apparent. "That's okay."

I felt bad for the girl. I turned around, looked at Bobby. He was on his phone. Scrolling through Tiktok still crouched down. A quick look at his phone screen showed me that he was watching edits — edits of himself. I had to take a double take to actually believe what I'd just seen. He was staring at clips of himself, smiling, and wouldn't even stand for five seconds next to a girl who'd paid to see his band. He continued to swipe his thumb against the screen, blue eyes lit up by his bright phone.

Then his eyes caught mine and he closed the Tiktok tab. "You didn't see that, did you?" He worriedly spoke so unbelievably quickly, I had to scramble my brain to decipher the words. His smile flipped upside down. Shock written all over him. Blush rising right up to the tips of his ears. 

"The hell is wrong with you?" I muttered. Nieve heard. She stepped away. She did not want to be involved in whatever the two of us were plotting. 

"What's wrong with me?" He breathed. It's like he was asking himself the question but there was an unyielding harshness to his voice, raspy and agitated. I was sure that this argument was going to be just as bad as the Sid Vicious incident, or worse. Halloween Bobby was on a different wavelength — bordering on depravity.

"You're watching fucking Tiktok edits of yourself. Didn't think you could be that self-centered—"

"Can we not do this now? Please?" Bobby tried to get me to calm down. Amelie and her friends were still only metres away, asking Josh about the tour, about the next album. Fran was listening in. She was smiling to herself. Part of her definitely enjoyed the beef between us. 

"Show me your Tiktok."

"No."

"Now."

He sighed. I grabbed his phone, opened Tiktok straight away. His whole 'For You' page was edits of himself. The account he was on was a fake user account. I couldn't believe my eyes.

"What the hell..." Was all I could manage to say.

"I can explain."

"Can you? Go on then."

He didn't say anything. Took his phone back and kicked the brick wall beside him. He shook his phone around like he was going to throw it as well. That wouldn't change anything. I'd seen the worst of it — at least I hoped I'd seen the worst of it.

"Take that photo with those girls and I'll shut up about this." I gave him an option. A way to let him get out of the hole he'd dug for himself. 

He was so tall. Sometimes I forgot that. But there, back straight, no longer slouched and his neck craned to meet my eyes. I couldn't hold eye contact. His clenched jaw was making me nervous. 

"Fine." He finally concluded the argument with a single word. His index finger then pointed towards me, just beneath my neck. "But you don't tell anyone about this."

I grinned. "I promise." 

Stepping over towards Amelie, he smiled widely, put an arm over her shoulder and allowed Fran to take the picture of the group. Moments later he was complaining about his shoes. How they were too small. If Robert Keating had a chance to complain about anything, he'd take it and wouldn't shut up about it. I just knew at that point that we'd be hearing about his shoes for the rest of the day.  

Tension is thick in the restaurant. I can almost taste it in my mouth. Rob sits beside me. I don't want to look at him, don't want to hear him talk, don't want to have anything to do with him. He's only the only person I won't miss once this tour is over.

Before anyone can get a word out, Eli taps his fork against his glass. All eyes fall to him. Grace is next to him, she's appeared out of nowhere. 

"I just want to say thank you to Nieve, Fran, Lucia, Finn and Matt for being such great openers on our tour. We're so grateful for all of you. This wouldn't have been the same without you."

"Aw, Eli, I might cry a bit, please stop." Nieve shakes her head, holding her napkin to her eyes. "This has been such a dream. We should be thanking you for giving us this opportunity."

"We need to do this again sometime." Ryan pitches in. "Next time we tour, you're coming with us."

"Yeah. That would be grand," Josh exclaims, pulling up his pint of Guinness and crashing it against everyone else's.

Bobby, after all his hours of complaining, has gone back to silent, angry mode. Playing around with his fork, he stares blankly at the menu, fingers tracing the lettering. I watch him as the others melt into conversation. I just want to know what is going through his head. Why is he acting like this? Last week, he was fun to be around and we had a good time. Especially when he's drunk, he loosens up a bit and stops with the facade. He even kissed me once. As a joke. I think.

It was a mess of alcohol. A 'midnight tour bus party'. We were in London and instead of going to the hotel, we ended up spending the night in the lovely green tour bus. We all got so drunk we could hardly speak. I can't remember all that we got up to but when we were sobering up, Bobby dragged me outside of the bus. He gave me his jacket, placed it over my shoulders. We sat down on a random doorstep, hugging each other to keep warm. Two penguins. Two people who usually hated eachothers guts, finding comfort in the warmth that emanated from our bodies. I'd never thought his hair was nice until that moment. How it grazed over my neck. How the curls twisted perfectly and his overgrown mullet framed his face. Or how pretty his eyes were as they shone under streetlights. Dreamy, long eyelashes, sea-like waves. He'd kissed me. His long fingers over my cheeks. His pink lips slotting between mine. I pulled away, shocked. Electricity had sparked between us, my heart was pounding, my body was a torch. Then I ran away from him. I couldn't understand what If just felt. I had never seen him in that way. We never mentioned it again.

Maybe that's what has made him colder. I still haven't acknowledged what happened that night. I keep thinking that he was too drunk to even remember it, but maybe he does. I'm not going to bring it up. Especially now. Especially in this restaurant with everyone sat with us.

"I'm sorry, Lucia."

My heart drops. Bobby is looking at me. Downcast. Entire state is disjointed. His mouth just said that, his brain just formulated those words. 

"What?" I must've heard him wrong. Imagining it. This time I must be hallucinating.

"I'm sorry about that night."

Mindreader. He knew what I was thinking about. What my mind has been lingering on. The weather reminds me, his scent reminds me, his hands remind me, his jacket reminds me. That night. London. The night after Troxy. The wind — cut-throat, sharp, steely — the rain, and my tear-stained bedsheets. The taste of his mouth and the dejction locked into his eyes as I left him. Like I'd made a terrible mistake. Like running into my hotel room, alone, was the worst possible option I could've chosen. 

I'm wearing the same earrings as I did that night — these ribbon ones that a fan made for me. Bobby had pointed them out — which he shifted between his fingertips and said they suited me. He's eyeing them now, hands curving, resisting any urge to touch them again, to drag us back to that moment. 

The waiter takes my order. Bobby's words properly forage the depths of my mind, the veins and the arteries circling around my body, the aching crevices of my heart. I ask for the first thing I see on the menu and a Fanta. I want to stay sober. I want to savour all that will happen beyond this second. Bobby also doesn't get alcohol. Shockingly. The Bobby I know would never turn down a pint of Guinness. But he gets a 7up instead and takes a long, hard gulp of it when the waiter comes back. I'm counting the cracks on the table, how squeaky the chair is, the coffee stain on the ceiling — trying to guess how they managed to get up there. Musicians like to occupy their brains. They don't like to think too much - just do. 

"I'm sorry..." I whisper. Finally giving him a reponse after a long pause for thought. 

He had been waiting for an answer. He catches it. Twists uneasily in his seat. Wood creaks. Rain patters.

"...It was wrong of me to leave you." The image of his despair still rings through my bones. I swear when my cells divide they keep trying to recreate that look on his face.

"I shouldn't have..." his voice lowers, heat pf his mouth glides by my ear "...kissed you."

I'm trying to drink my Fanta with no reaction. Sugary greatness. Cold, slightly wet fingers. Orangey flavouring. But his voice is so low, trickling, burning, goosebump-inducing. I can't look at him. He's too close to me. It's too hot in the restaurant. Soundcheck is in 20 minutes. I want to run away again. I always want to run away. 

Down my Fanta, smooth my skirt, breathe in deeply. 

"I liked it." I similarly glide my lips over his ear when he's least expecting it, returning the favour.

He coughs. Chokes a bit on his drink. Then he eats his Pesto pasta with the pinkest neck I've ever seen on a person. Jacket off to reveal long, tattoo-covered arms, and the muscles that have progressively been getting bigger over the months. I join Ryan and Matt's drummer conversation to stop staring. It's weird. Being attracted to him feels wrong. Teenage Lucia would be ashamed. She’d slap some sense into me.

Dinner ends quickly. We're thrusted back into Dublin air before we can even adjust to the complete switch in environment. Running to the venue, through alleyways, shooting splashes of water all over the place, we realise how late we are. I feel better than I did in the morning. That dreaded train ride. Bobbys giving me the silent treatment again. I hate it. I hate it more than when he's being downright horrible to me. 

-

Our set was unbelievable. The best show I've ever done. The crowd was unreal, the size of the place was absurd. We had never sounded so great. Everything went according to plan. We're crying now that we're offstage. We need something to uplift us. Nieve's idea is to party in the back. Which is one of the best parts of the night.

We find a spot just before Inhaler goes on. Screams bleed through the room, adoration written in teenage faces, phones held up to capture the moment. The five lads on stage. One final time. I scream like I'm sixteen all over again, dancing as the first song 'These Are The Days' begins to play. Shouting along, throwing my hands in the air. I don't think I've ever been so happy and fulfilled before.

The setlist is the usual. I didn't expect them to change it. Eli gives a little 'thank you' speech, mentioning us at the end. Then suddenly encore starts and I'm met by a mildly unfamiliar song. The crowd seems just as confused as I am. Bobby is wearing that stupid black vest and I swear his bass has been lowered all the more. The next time they perform, it'll surely be grazing the floor. 

Bobby doesn't normally speak to the crowd at shows. It's always Eli. But as they play the intro, he begins to speak, "Hi everyone. Hope you're all having a good time." Commotion, screams, chanting 'Bobby' as if it's a cult gathering, not a concert. His eyes are searching through the crowd. The party in the back turned into moshpits and luckily I got pushed near to the front. His eyes land on mine. I can tell he's looking at when he plays with his earring — like it's a code between us. He keeps playing the same few notes on the bass lazily as he grabs the mic stand. Everyone is silent and listening as he says, "This is 'You Might Get What You Want'.

I recognise it now. I'm sent back to high school. 6 years ago. Practice room at school. Instrument cases strewn all over tha place, broken drumsticks leant against the wall. I'm sat at the piano as Bobby announces, "This is a new song I wrote." He passes me the chords starts singing. My thoughts are quiet. The external world is too loud for me to think. I'm lost in the music. The song is beautiful — lyrics, chords, arrangement, Bobby's voice. That was the day when I wanted to ask to join the band. Then Bobby was horrible to me so I changed my mind. I even asked him what the song was about. He looked at the Jim Morrison poster on the door, hand against his buzzed head as he thought up a response. "A girl," was his final conclusion. I thanked him for his specificity. He told me, quite frustratedly, it was 'none of my business'. Then he was riled up and told me to leave because I was 'playing it all wrong'. One of the last times I ever played with the band. So when I hear the song again — I'm back, sitting at the piano with my school uniform, waiting for cues to play the next chord.

The crowd goes wild at the fact that Bobby is singing alone. This is unusual. The majority of the crowd don't know the song. Reminds me of their first gigs in tiny venues. I sing along, staring at Bobby as he stares back. I wonder which girl the song was actually about. At seventeen, he hung out with every girl in sight - parties, random town meetups, gigs. The way he is looking at me is shattering me down to my core — eyes painted with affection and how he keeps moving his earring. For some reason, I wish the song is about me. Then he sings, 'You Might Get What You Want' whilst pointing right at me. Has anyone else noticed his staring? Nieve and Fran seem clueless. It could all be in my head. His face appears on the screen. I stare. Not ashamed. Appreciating his beauty for as long as we have left. Only tonight. Then nothing. Only the possibility of seeing eachother once again. It won't be set in stone.

I'm a sweaty mess by the end of the show. Last goodbyes, last waves, last shocked stares at the extent of the crowd. I always forget how boiling it gets in the standing area. I'm almost at the point of suffocating. We leave with the crowd, taking a few selfies with fans along the way. I stand in the merch queue. I need something to remember this. Something I can keep and wear and just be brought back to this venue, to this atmosphere. I buy a black tour shirt with the bubbly lettering, slipping it over my tank top. I just know the change in temperature will murder me. The more layers I have on, the better.

We slip through the crowd. Thankfully, it's quieter after my long time in the merch queue. I'd never seen such a long amalgamation of people. 

Back at the hotel, I crash straight down onto my bed. Don't even turn on the lights or take off my clothes. I just close my eyes and stretch out my body like a cat. It all happened too quickly. I left the band early to head back, although I heard the rest of them were going to the tour bus to get drunk. I've already had so much fun. I just need to relax. Alone time. Silence. Comfort.

A knock on the door.

I jump up. Still in my Inhaler shirt and lacy white skirt, I feel like taking a shower. But whoever just knocked has impeded any plans. I could just pretend I didn't hear them. I could fall asleep and they'll just walk away. 

Another knock. I jolt up this time. It's louder.

This time I reach the door. Sliding the keyhole open, I see him. Of course it's him. Of course. Of all the people that could be here right now. His hair is wet, mussed up. He's holding his jacket under his arm as it's completely drenched. Looking from side to side, he seems to contemplate giving up and leaving me solitary.

I open the door. Let my guard down. I want to talk. Rant. Let out all the garble mixing up and stuffing my skull. He'd listen to me. 

"What are you doing here?" I ask. I don't say it rudely. Make sure to keep my tone quiet and curious. The rise of his head to meet my eyes is almost film-like, tracing along my skin, photographic.

"I need to talk to you."

"Come in then." 

Close the door behind him. He drops his jacket onto the floor. Slides off those shoes with a groan. They really are too small on him. He can hardly untie the laces without sucking in a quick breath. He looks at himself in the dodgy mirror, trying to fix any flying pieces of hair. His beard is growing a little — little moustache fading in above his mouth.

He sits down on a chair by the table.  His lengthy legs reach up to the end of the bed where I'm sat. He picks up a tea bag, sniffs it then puts it back. I'm worried about what he's about to say. He looks like he's gone through hell and back to get here. I've never seen him so dishevelled. 

"You were amazing today." I hate the silence. I fill it up. "You all get better every time."

He's been so serious since he came in but the ghost of a smile haunts his lips. They twitch then fall. "So do you."

“Is this about your weird For You page because I’m pretty fucking worried.” I’m trying to forget I saw any of those edits. 

“It’s not that.” He shakes his head. He's hugging his chest, arms shivering. My eyes narrow. Each hair on his arm is stood to attention.

"Do you want a blanket?" I'm about to look for something to warm him up when his hand clasps around my wrist. He's stood up. I'm sat down, looking up at him. His thumb traces the inside of my wrist, over a bracelet I have. One that he gave me when I was sixteen. A friendship bracelet he'd brought to one of the rehearsal sessions. I wore it just to get a reaction out of him. This is the first time he’s noticed it. 

I want to ask him what he's doing. But then he's sat next to me with his arms around my body and I forget what I was going to say. 

"Robert..." I don't normally say his full name. It's the only word that's coming to mind. His wet hair is dripping all over my skirt, his head is against my chest, he won't look up at me.

When I pick up his face, stretch my hands over his cheeks, I find his crystal eyes glossed over. Tears. He's crying. I don't know how to react. He buries his head back into the crook of my neck like he's embarrassed. Then he's breathing heavily. Heaving. Sniffling.

"What is it?" I whisper. I stroke every inch of his hair, the nape of his neck, the thin material of his vest. I trace the tattoos on his arm. Finally landing on the music notation inked into his wrist.

"I don't want you to leave." He holds onto my waist, under my shirt, cold skin. "Stay here. With me. Please."

I wipe the tears from his face. I must look like a beetroot. I'm boiling. 

"Really?" I think I'm crying as well. I can't help it. This is the first time I’ve ever seen him so unguarded, so helpless.

"I only sang that song so you'd hear it." He looks up at the ceiling, cogs turning in his brain. "It's not just about a girl. It's about you."

"You're kidding." I have to laugh. 

"I'm not. I wrote it during the summer holidays before high school. I had some weird thought that you were going to call me and ask me out. I was always a prick to you so I don't know where that idea was coming from exactly. It's just when you want something so badly—I guess your brain manifests it into reality. Like every time I turned around a corner, I thought you'd magically appear. I thought you'd say that you liked me. But then you went off to Uni, the band got big. And now this. You're in fucking Nieve Ella's band. I thought I was going to throw up when I saw you get out of the train. Everything just came back. I didn't put the song on the album because every time I hear it, I just remember what an idiot I am for not treating you well and for not telling you how I feel. Singing it brought me back to the practice room, to that shitty piano with pedals falling off the hinges. How you made such a disgusting piano sound divine. I don't want to make the same mistake. If I let you go now, I'll be regretting it for the rest of my life."

"So you were looking at me? When you were singing?" I tilt my head, thumb below his eye. 

"I might have been." He's not crying anymore. His voice is less rough. He sounds like normal Bobby again.

"I'll stay with you. As long as you want."

"Forever?"

"Bit too long. I can only deal with you for about three hours at a time."

"Then we should make good use of the—" He looks down at his watch. "—Two hours and 43 minutes we have left."

"What do you have planned?" I'm getting closer to him. His nose bumps against mine.

"What do you want to do, Luz?" He's challenging me. Thumb swirling over my lips. 

"This." I kiss him. Lips to lips. Two notes in perfect harmony. Everything we've been through culminating into one simple kiss. It's a peck. A tease. I pull away as I feel him yank me closer. 

His hands find my ears and it's like that night again. His mouth tastes the same. Sweet. Lukewarm. He still grazes my bottom lip with his teeth when he feels me shift back. 

"You're an angel," he says.

At that, I'm kissing him again. This time with more passion. Exploding fireworks. Jumping into the ocean, water floating around you. The ringing in your eyes after an explosion. An earthquake. A tidal wave. So many feelings at once. He's trying to take my shirt off. I let him. Pulled it over my head so quickly I thought he might get my neck off as well. He throws it onto the nearby chair, looking at me, with those glimmering eyes and perfect eyebrows. Beauty spots and smooth skin. I attempt to take off his shirt too, although it's pretty much stuck to his chest. He helps me out, laughing at my stress. 

"It's not that hard." He smirks, tugging at the top as I manage to unstick the bottom. 

"Fuck off." I roll my eyes. 

He pushes me down onto the bedsheets, helping me up until my head is on the pillow. I look over his frame. Long torso, large biceps, chain around his neck. It's too much to deal with. Hooded eyes, smirk on his lips, happy trail leading down to his belt. He knows how he's making me dizzy. He leans down, curling over me, scent hanging, cool skin against mine. I throw my head back. I've never been touched like this. So precise. So gentle. Like I'm his favourite bass guitar. I'd never noticed how long his fingers were until they were splayed over my bra, until the other hand was sliding up my thigh.

He kisses my neck, my shoulders, my collarbones, the valley between my breasts, tongue flat, teeth sharp. I hold onto his hair, then onto his toned shoulders. This morning, I would never have expected that this would happen. That the boy I loathed was admiring me and tasting me with unrelenting adoration. Now, the thought of leaving him makes me sick to my stomach. I pull him a little closer, kiss him a little harder and remember just how red teenage Bobby's face was after he'd sang that song to me. How defensive he was when I asked him about it. Now it all makes sense.

I won't ever leave him again.

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[captain-bumble]

A Lan's Secret - A WangXian fic

Wangxian Black Metal AU

Original Twitter Thread

A03 Link

Lan Wangi has a secret no one else knows. He is a secret metalhead. Not even Wei Wuxian, his secret crush can know...

20.4k words, Completed

Rated E

Uncle and brother are out for the night. Good.

Lan Wangji makes sure for a third time that the front door is locked, his headphones are charged, and the lights are out, and the blinds are drawn before entering the bathroom. He hasn’t always been so secretive, but needs must. A secret folder on his phone hidden under the title “Homework” hides his treasures.

For most 21 year old boys, that would be where he would keep his porn, but Lan WangJi hides another secret. A collection of loud, violent Death Metal songs, a secret obsession he’s kept from his family so far. A star among his collection is Yiling Laozu, a new artist who had rocked Lan WangJi’s world from the first album. ‘Fuck Your Expectations’ was one of the first albums Lan WangJi listened to three years ago and started his interest in Death metal. 

No one would believe him, stuffy-straight-A-University-Orchestra-Co-Captain Lan Zhan, would be into death metal. With his white and sky blue clothing and studious air, his classmates started calling him Grandpa Lan behind his back as if he wouldn’t hear them, and that was all fine. 

They could keep their hurtful words, he had his music.

Lan Zhan loaded up the first track “Taste of Lotus and Pork Bone Soup” by YiLing Lazou and sank to the floor, immersing himself in the strong instrumentals yet sweet melodic vocals. YiLing Lazou truly has such a strange version of the genre. The tracks were all written by YiLing Lazou, yet he sang so beautifully overtop of it. This made those in the music industry very upset and complained that it was not death metal, but Lan WangJi honestly didn’t care what it was called. It was beautiful. If YiLing Lazou had to invent his own genre of music, then so be it. Lan Zhan was still a huge fan. 

After a while had passed, his mind began to wander peacefully to wonder if he would ever be able to see the YiLing Lazou live. No, how would that even happen? White clothing in a sea of black, prim and proper Lan Zhan would drown and surely get chased out for looking so foolish. And how would his family react? Uncle might have a stroke from mortification. No, they must never know. 

Lan Zhan startled at the loud banging on the door, heard just over this loud music, “Lan Wangji!! Are. You. OK. In. There?!” 

Stopping the music and removing the headphones, Lan Zhan went to answer the bathroom door. “Mn. Fine.”

On the other side of the, now open door, Lan Xichen looked exasperated by fond, “Ok, thank goodness. You have been in there a while. We’re home so come have dinner with us, ok?”

Lan Zhan nodded and closed the door. He needed to splash water on his face to calm himself. Uncle wouldn’t see a thing wrong, but his brother knew him a little too well. After a brief reset of himself, Lan Zhan came back to his senses. How ridiculous, a concert. Him. For the best that he stops these thoughts for good. 

The weeks pass and nothing else interesting happens to Lan Zhan. Well, maybe one interesting thing. 

“LAN ZHAN” comes a cry from behind him. Wei Ying has taken to following him around since they met in middle school, regardless of how much Lan Zhan tries to lose him. “Lan Zhaaannnn, I got locked out again. Can you open the music room for me? My Flute is in there.”

“Mn.” Ah, not for him but for his keys. Of course. “Where are Wei Ying’s keys?”

“Ah, I think I left them at home, again.” He didn’t even have the audacity to look chagrined or put out in any way. Typical of Wei Ying. 

The key fit into the door like butter, but as Lan Zhan held open the door to admit Wei Ying, he found the other frozen in shock. “Wei Ying?”

Wei Ying shook himself a bit and smiled again, “Ah Lan Zhan what a cute bunny keychain!”

Lan Zhan froze in panic. He knew a splurge purchase of YiLing Lazou’s icon was too much. Lan Zhan began spiraling thinking of any excuse he could. His secret could not get out, and not to Wei Ying of all people. He could lie, or just leave town, never to be seen again-

“Do you like rabbits, Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying smiled and held open the door for himself.

Lan Zhan nodded slowly, waiting for the other shoe to drop and making a hasty calculation on airfare to Switzerland. 

Wei Ying just smiled and thanked him again for opening the classroom. Then he just left.

Lan Zhan breathed out slowly. 

Somehow, he made it through and no one was wiser. The keychain was not as overt as other bands merch was: a simple black bunny with angry eyebrows and a red ribbing holding its ears together. Without the context it was rather cutesy. Lan Zhan left before anyone else could comment on it and before Wei Ying got back. Lan Zhan was not one to tempt fate. The plane tickets could wait but were a good back up plan. 

Not even a month later, his secret Twitter account (BlackBunBabe where he pretended to be a female die-hard fan) started blowing up. A new concert location was dropped last minute! YiLing Lazou was going to be performing next month in a location not even a 20 minute drive from his town. He really dropped a surprise concert on everyone and the community was going insane. There were several tour locations all over China starting next week, but the last and the biggest was in the next town over.

And to top it all off a new song dropped that would be the leading track for the next album, “I Live to Pester You.” Despite the name, the track was almost mournful. Soft despite the screaming of the guitar and drum set. And a surprise. A Chinese Dizi to carry the mournful cries through. It was still just as bone rattling and intense, but felt like a dying wish over a battlefield.

It SHOOK Lan WangJi. He spent his lunch break between classes in the library bathroom listening to it on repeat. It shook something inside him and left him unsettled, but like discovering something about yourself that you thought was impossible. The best kind of soul tearing. 

Eventually he had to leave the bathroom and return to class, but the melody wouldn’t leave him.

After music class had wrapped up Lan Zhan found himself sitting at his guqin absently playing. The room was empty except for the sound of the strings being plucked and stroked. Before he knew it, YiLing Lazou’s song was playing from his fingers to the open room. The melody was plaguing him. He wanted to sing. He wanted to scream. It rattled him to his core. 

The lyrics were a divide between loving someone so completely you wish to lay yourself before them in supplication, and a feral nasty biting self pity where you know you’ll never be good enough to reach them. Lan Zhan isn’t sure he has ever felt these strong emotions before, but through this song he felt like he could. 

A voice in his ear startled him out of his absentminded playing, “Ah I knew it!” It was Wei Ying. What was he doing here? Class was over and Lan Zhan saw him leave with NHS! This was not good. 

“Wei Ying?”

“Ah Lan Zhan, you surprise me!” Wei Ying’s smile was blinding, “I wouldn’t have pegged you as a fan of YiLing Lazou!” Lz’s heart stopped, but seeing his stricken face, Wei Ying hurried on, “Hey but that’s pretty cool! I like his music too! I heard someone playing his latest song and wanted to check who it was. Count me surprised to find you.”

Of course, Lan Zhan thought, this was just what he needed. The largest gossip and loud mouth of his university knows his shameful secret. “Don’t…” He began but stopped. If Wei Ying knew he wanted to keep it secret then he would most likely tell everyone. Best to play it off like it’s nothing. “Nevermind.”

Lan Zhan stood to leave but Wei Ying pulled on his sleeve, “Hey, Where are you going? Did you hear that there’s a concert next month? Isn’t that cool?”

Lan Zhan stopped. This didn’t sound like mocking. Cautiously he nodded, “Mn.”

Wei Ying’s eyes brightened further, “Are you going to go?”

“Are you?” Lan Zhan countered.

Wei Ying’s face fell, “Ahhhh~ sadly I can’t. I really wanted to but my old man won’t let me go since I broke a window at the shop last month.”

Lan Zhan eyed Wei Ying, waiting for an explanation and was rewarded with one, “It wasn’t my fault. I was putting up a sign for a new special my sister was trying out, but a dog ran in and chased me through the window.” 

Lan Zhan’s eyebrow raised minutely.

“Hey! It’s… Ah, I hate dogs. But windows are expensive and the old man thinks I was being reckless. Now I have to work at the shop to pay him back or something.” Wei Ying sighed and shook his head.

“But hey, I have a ticket and I can’t go. Lan Zhan, do you want it?” Wei Ying’s eyes were locked onto Lan Zhan’s, intense and unwavering.

Lan Zhan’s breath halted for a moment, and in a rush he blurted out, “But won’t I look foolish?!”

Wei Ying’s eyes snapped open, “why would you look foolish?”

Lan Zhan gestures to his outfit not meaning it in particular but his style in general. It was fine for his classes, but would indeed look out of pace at a concert. White button up with soft hazy blue clouds and baby blue chinos, brown belt and dress shoes made him look like a ‘grandpa’ according to his classmates.

Wei Ying, on the other hand, always dressed like he was about to go somewhere. Today he was dressed in black jeans with chunky boots, one set of laces undone and ready to be tripped over, a black long sleeve shirt that hugged his chest without being obscene and several leather bracelets. He wore a black leather choker with his typical scattering of piercings along the ridge of his ears and one from his lip as well as black lacquered nails.

On anyone else, Lan Zhan would think they looked like a troublemaking delinquent, but somehow on Wei Ying it looked nice… Everything was freshly laundered and nothing was wrinkled in carelessness. He even smelled good. Of lotus blossoms and musk and a little of the chili oil he always ate lunch with. 

Wei Ying saw his insecurity and understood him like always. Tilting his head a bit, “Hmm. I can help you dress up, yea?” Lan Zhan felt his ears start burning. He knew he should say no.

Somehow. Someway. Lan Zhan nodded.

Wei Ying was in his room. 

Wei Ying was looking at his clothing.

Wei Ying was touching his clothing.

Lan Zhan was sitting on his bed quietly, wondering what happened for this to be his reality. LXC didn’t bat an eye as Lan Zhan brought Wei Ying to his room and closed the door. He only smiled and waved as if that was a perfectly acceptable thing to do. No comments. No suspicious eyebrow rise. No remarks about shutting the door. 

Sure Wei Ying had come over to his house, and knew his brother since they practically knew each other but it was always distant. Friendly but distant contact. Lan Zhan expected more questions. Never distrust from his family, but surely some protest in allowing Wei Ying alone in his room, right?

Wei Ying dug through Lan Zhan’s perfectly neat clothing and tossed a couple items onto the bed, never once hitting Lan Zhan despite not looking where he was throwing them to. It was mildly irritating. (And endearing).

Finally Wei Ying put together a few items and told Lan Zhan to try them on. Wei Ying stood in the center of the room, a triumphant grin on his face, but wasn’t leaving. 

Lan Zhan looked at Wei Ying patiently and waited. 

Did he expect Lan Zhan to strip right there and… no that wasn’t going to happen, Lan Zhan would die. Lan Zhan felt his ears tip red again and spoke quietly, “Wei Ying…”

Wei Ying blinked a few times before blushing a deep red, “OH RIGHT. I’m so sorry, I’ll just wait out and get some water or something. Text me pictures and I promise I’ll delete them and not show your brother ok?”

Lan Zhan nodded eventually and watched him leave. This unrequited crush needed to end. 

When they first met, Lan Zhan thought Wei Ying would flunk out of their middle school but surprisingly, Wei Ying became his competition for top grades without really needing to try. He was always goofing off in class, but his essays were thoughtful and insightful. His attendance was spotty at best, but his projects were full of passion and were well researched. His older sister owned a local restaurant and he helped out there every chance he could and still made time to co-captain their universities orchestra. 

He was a world of contradictions. It was only inevitable that Lan WangJi fell in love with the boy that matched him intellectually and musically, and yet wanted to irritate him and tease him gently.

Gently like Lan Zhan’s mom used to. Being close to Wei Ying reminded him of her sometimes.

With a sigh Lan Zhan got up to get changed. Texting Wei Ying the pictures in his full length mirror felt a little weird, but nearly as much if he were here to watch. Wei Ying texted back suggestions and after getting the OK he came back in to tweak one or two things. Lan Zhan was very confused and questioned Wei Ying’s choices, but the outfit did look nice.

After a while they had an outfit selected! Wei Ying looked back at Lan WangJi. His eyes were wide, but expression, for once, unreadable.

“Wei Ying?”

Wei Ying started, “Ah nothing, it’s a good outfit! You just need to find those glasses we were talking about. You’ll have such a good time… Just… I just have one more thing.” Wei Ying turned his back to access his backpack, “It’s silly, feel free to say no…”

“Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan asked again, puzzled over the weird tone shift. Wei Ying’s voice was not the free-flowing easy speech, but was tight with nerves. It made Lan Zhan cautious, but determined to hear what it was. 

“I have a tradition. Every concert I go to, my Jie and I would wear these. Since I gave you my ticket and I can’t go, would you…”

Lan Zhan waited until Wei Ying turned around but when he did he was at first embarrassed, thinking Wei Ying was teasing him, but at the shameful look on Wei Ying’s face, he was certain that it was a sincere request. Clutched in Wei Ying’s hands were a pair of white silk bunny ears. Wei Ying looked at Lan Zhan and started to visually shut down, “I said it was silly, nevermind-”

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan stopped him, “I will wear them.”

“What?! You will?” Wei Ying looked shocked.

“Mn. For the tickets I will wear the ears. As thanks.”

Wei Ying’s smile could melt snow, tan skin, and power the future with how much it resembled the sun. He was blinding, and Lan Zhan knew that if he wasn’t already hopelessly in love, He would have just fallen again.

Finding the glasses to ‘complete the look’ was easy. Finding parking at the event was not. 

Lan Zhan managed to park, enter, and get his tickets from the Will-Call window before it got too crowded, but only just. He found himself escorted by staff to his seat dead center on the floor. 

Lan Zhan stared. He would be within throwing distance of the stage and could see the texture of the black curtains shielding the stage from view. He was that close. How on EARTH did Wei Ying get these tickets?

There was another problem too.

Wei Ying picked his outfit so he knew it wasn’t improper, however…

Everyone else was in black. Wemon, men, the occasional child and teenager. Even the staff were in all black. The style of Lan Zhan’s clothing was the same, but Wei Ying dressed him in all white.

It seemed like a strange choice so far, especially paired with the white bunny ears, but now Lan WangJi felt so out of place and every lingering eye sent a shiver down his spine. In defense, he straightened his back and played as if he was meant to be there (he was). 

Wei Ying had dressed him in jeans which hugged his legs, a button up and vest with swirling cloud patterns (a formal suit piece from his brother’s wedding), and heavy boots all in a brilliant shade of white, which in the dark room with the black clad people made him glow. The white circular glasses were easy to find, and because they were so reflective, were easy to hide behind. The bunny ears were strange, but Lan WangJi would rather die than break a promise to Wei Ying. at least they fit the outfit ok. 

Eventually everyone piled in, and a mosh pit broke out somewhere behind Lan Zhan before the show started (eager like he was). 

When the first notes played, Lan Zhan realized that there were a lot more instruments playing than he thought would be performing in a death metal band. YiLing Lazou had gathered a variety of people with different instruments, almost a full orchestra, for his concert. An idea which thrilled Lan Zhan to no end.

When the curtain lifted with the intense beat of the song, what met him was the ENORMOUS hulking frame and a black shadow fox, its bone exposed, towering over the stage and breathing smoke like graveyard fog onto the crowd. Its monstrously huge head waved back and forth to coat the crowd in the fog as if in death throes.

A bubble in the center of the stage with gently falling snow housed the signature black rabbit NingNing, slowly spinning like a snow globe. The band started playing a song Lan Zhan had never heard before with a crazed energy befitting a YiLing Lazou track.

A black robed figure in a black bunny mask slowly rose on stage. A pillar above a pit of fog held the YiLing Lazou himself emerging from the now invisible stage. He raised the mic and spoke with an artificial voice, “This one’s new. It’s called White Rabbit.”

And they were off. The song was just as good as the last one but held such interesting lyrics belted out by YiLing Lazou. About a white marble statue buried in the snow wanting to be unburied and carried away. 

Lan Zhan was enraptured, and let the concert sweep him away.

Several hours later, Lan Zhan had cried several times (though he would never say so) and debated if he could get away with buying some merch. He was just about to go check out if there was a covert merch option when YiLing Lazou came back out on stage, mic in hand. 

“Yea, yea, yea, I’m not doing another encore, however,... Security? Bring me the White Rabbit.” Lan Zhan froze in place and looked around. Surely not…

Surely so! Security was advancing towards him and grabbed his arm firmly before escorting him to the back room with the whoops and hollers of the crowd, clearly thinking it’s a publicity stunt or something. 

Lan Zhan was having a stroke, he was sure of it. Surely they wouldn’t kick him out or make an example of him. His worst fears seemed to be coming true. Just after the best night of his life, it seemed to be turning into the worst. 

After being ‘escorted’ to a back room, Lan WangJi was put in a room with a large table full of food (all spicy going from the neon glow to them), soda, wine, and plush couches. Very strange, why was he here?

His question was answered as a door opened and the YiLing Lazou himself walked in, black cape flowing over his black buttoned up clothing and black rabbit mask in place. He was shorter than Lan WangJi but not by a lot. Certainly shorter than his large stage presence led Lan WangJi to believe he was. Lan WangJi started and stood very straight, unsure what to expect but this certainly wasn’t it.

YiLing Lazou smiled, eyes glowing in the shadow the mask cast, “Did you like my show?”

Lan Zhan froze solid. He wasn’t using the voice disguiser. That voice was his own. And it was also very familiar.

“Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan said in shock.

The man smiled before taking off the mask, “Tada! It’s me! Did I surprise you?” He laughed heartily.  

Lan Zhan considered leaving. Wei Ying grabbed his arm, gently, where the security people had, “Ah Lan Zhan I’m sorry, I did want you to come, but…” Lan Zhan stopped trying to leave at the touch.

“Was this all a trick to embarass me?” Lan Zhan tried to hide the hurt in his tone, but somehow Wei Ying always could read him better than that.

“Never! Ok so, I don’t have a tradition of wearing the ears with my sister, but I knew I was starting the concert with White Rabbit and it was too perfect. I’m sorry if you felt embarrassed Lan Zhan.” Wei Ying sounded sincere but…

The song white Rabbit played in his mind’s eye: A white rabbit made of stone, wishing to be free of the crushing rules. The lyrics about wanting to free the rabbit but unsure how and coming to see the rabbit each spring when he thawed. 

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan said carefully, “Am I the white rabbit?”

Now that he said it outloud it sounded so silly. He should just go. How presumptuous. How distasteful. To learn that his classmate, school rival, and secret crush was a famous music performer and vastly outranks you, and to assume the music was made for you. How shameless.

Wei Ying squeezed his arm gently before he could go, “Yes.”

Lan Zhan stopped and kept very still, hoping Wei Ying would continue, but he didn’t until he slowly turned around to face him once more. 

“Yes, you’re the White Rabbit. I’m sorry. I’ve fucked this all up havn’t I?” Wei Ying let him go and sat on the couch heavily. He set the rabbit mask down on the catering table and began to explain, “I saw the keychain, and heard you play my song and hoped you were a fan.“ 

Lan Zhan remained standing, unsure of what to do with himself, but too self conscious to move. Wei Ying gestured to the other side of the couch with a hand. Lan Zhan nodded and sat primely, ready to leave at a moment's notice. 

His small fragile heart was so so hopeful. 

His traitorous mind was so so cruel. 

It left him in a state of limbo: desperately hoping for one thing, while his mind told him he was a shameless fool with a crush and he needed to leave.

“I wanted to treat you to the show…” Wei Ying finished lamely. Burning his face in his hands, Wei Ying sighed, “Now I’ve fucked everything up, huh Lan Zhan?”

Lan WangJi made a questioning noise. 

“I didn’t mean to reveal my hand so openly like this, ah. What a fool I am.”

“Reveal?”

“If you figured out White Rabbit so soon, then..”

Lan Zhan’s eyes widened as a rush of information assaulted him. The songs…

White Rabbit

I Live to Pester You

Winter in Your Eyes

You Hate the Spice but I Love Your Taste

A Fox in the Dragon’s Den

Hate Me, Love Me, Fuck Me

I Saw You Smile Once

Play Me Like Your Guqin???

They were about him. More than half the songs on the two Albums were about him. Lan Zhan felt like such a fool, but his brain refused to let him believe it.

“They were about me.” He says, dumbly, outloud. He had assumed they were about a bad break up, but this sudden knowledge stunned him into silence.

Wei Ying looked stunned, “You mean you didn’t know until just now?”

“Mn.”

Wei Ying looked like he wanted to die, “Ah.”

Lan Zhan felt his ears burn. “Wei Ying.”

“Yes Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying asked, looking a million miles away.

Lan Wangji turned to face Wei Ying and took both his hands in his own. He began reciting lyrics from those songs back to him. Seeking confirmation of what they said.

“I can’t remember breakfast but I remember your smile”

“I will remember you even if you forget me”

“You’re my world, you’re my heart”

“I may be a clown my my love is no joke”

“Can’t be anyone but you”

“I like you, I love you, I want you, I Won’t leave you”

“I want you for the rest of my life”

Lan Zhan looked deeply into Wei Ying’s eyes, “these lyrics. Did you mean them?”

Wei Ying looked like he wanted to run or cry or both. With a shiver he said, “yes.”

Lan WangJi closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes he felt a wave of relief and determination pass over him. His heart was finally steady. “Ok.”

He leaned in and kissed Wei Ying. Wei Ying clung to him like a man dying and gasped into the kiss, tears finally falling. But instead of fear or pain, they were falling from relief. From finally. From yes this. From please.

Lan Zhan’s lips were soft and gentle, his hands cupped Wei Ying’s face gently and turned it to form the right angle, catching lips and tongues and gentle nips of teeth.

They made promises that night and talked until the venue staff kicked them out. Lan Zhan drove them back to his place now that Wei Ying didn’t have to pretend to be working. 

They changed for bed and laid together under the covers; Wei Ying in borrowed sleep pants, Lan Zhan in formal sleepwear. They whispered to each other until they couldn’t stay awake a moment longer and fell asleep with smiles on their faces. Gentle breaths played a new melody over soft skin.

Morning broke with Lan Zhan waking to a soft snuffling noise and a pressure on his chest. Wei Ying was cuddled in deep, nose pressed to his chest, face soft with sleep. Even in deep sleep, his lips slightly curled as if in a tease.

Lan Zhan’s heart clenched and remembered last night, committing every second he could to memory. Remembering the way Wei Ying’s lips tasted or the soft sound of his sighs and gasps. Even the feel of his hand, gently grasped in Lan WangJi’s.

He knew they needed to talk more, but also that Wei Ying wouldn’t be up for hours yet. His long history of trying to coordinate with Wei Ying for the school orchestra taught him that. 

Quietly extracting himself from Wei Ying who left whimpered protests into the pillow, Lan Zhan placed a kiss to Wei Ying’s forehead which stilled him and unfurrowed his brow. Lan Zhan quietly left the room following the smell of fresh coffee in the kitchen where he found LXC, busy getting ready for work. 

LXC smiled mysteriously at him over his coffee, “I had wondered when you were going to tell us about him.”

Lan Zhan stilled before the half full coffee pot. 

“Your boyfriend.” LXC explained. If Lan WangJi had been drinking the coffee he would have done a spit take. 

When Lan WangJi didn’t move or speak, LXC took it upon himself to explain, “Wangji, you’ve been hiding yourself in the bathroom for months, never let your phone out of your sight, frequently encouraging me and uncle to leave the house under the guise of wanting a quiet night in, and when you hear a notification on your phone, you run to your room to check it before coming back out sheepish and avoidant. I know you. I know it wasn’t anything bad, we trust you Wangji,  but we both figured you were likely dating someone you didn’t think we’d approve of and didn’t want us to know.” He stopped his monologue to look at this brother with a complicated expression. Full of exasperation and fondness.

“We didn’t want to intrude on your privacy like that… but the only person you ever have over in years is Wei Ying. We’ve seen how you are around him. I can’t speak for Uncle, but Wangji, if you care for him that much I can’t be anything but happy for you two. ”

Lan Zhan felt MORTIFIED. But it could have been worse. They could know about the Death Metal.

Lan Zhan just nodded solemnly. “I’m sorry for keeping it a secret.”

LXC smiled again and waved it off with his free hand, “It’s alright Wangji. I love you. It’s ok if you want to tell me things. But I can wait until you are ready to tell me. I just want you to know you don’t have to.”

Lan Zhan nodded feeling a lot lighter and made himself some coffee. “We haven't been together long, if that helps. Let’s get dinner tonight with uncle.”

LXC looked thrilled. Like Lan WangJi just offered to end world hunger instead of introducing Wei Ying as his... boyfriend? Were they boyfriends? He would have to clarify later.

“I'd like that. I’ll tell Uncle.” LXC drained his coffee before washing the cup and putting it out to dry. “I’m leaving for work.” Lan Zhan nodded while preparing his mild breakfast of congee and a century egg. 

Just before LXC headed out the door he stopped and said to the wall, refusing to meet Lan Zhan’s eyes, “Uncle won’t be home until just before dinner.” Faintly pink at the ears and cheeks, LXC turned to catch Lan Zhan’s eye, “use protection and have fun.”

Lan Zhan didn’t hear the door shut or hear when Wei Ying finally came out to see what was taking so long. Thankfully he had just finished cooking the congee so it didn’t burn while he was frozen with shock. Wei Ying wasn’t awake but came out in a blanket and told Lan Zhan to come back to bed with a smooshed kiss to his shoulder.

Lan Zhan contemplated that interaction with his brother while he ate. He never wanted to think about his brother and sex ever again, but at least he wasn’t disapproving. It could be worse. 

Cleaning took only a moment and we came back to the room to find Wei Ying starfished over the bed, still wrapped in his blanket. Peeks of bare skin were visible at various points, which were both enticing and endearing. Lan Zhan laid back down and opened his phone to read while Wei Ying, sensing him, shifted on the bed until he was cuddled close to Lan WangJi. Wy settled with a sigh, nose burrowing into his armpit like a rabbit before softly snoring in deep slumber again. Lan Zhan smiled at this wonderful boy he was so in love with and started reading. 

The past 24 hours had been so nerve wracking, but he was at peace and content for this to be his every day, as long as Wei Ying was there. 

Lan Zhan checked the clock by his bedside, “Mn. Still morning.” It was nearing 11am, but he supposed he could let the technicalities pass. This was still early for Wei Ying, after all. 

Wei Ying laughed the way that Lan Zhan loved: nose crinkled at the top and eyes turned into crescents. “Ah, Lan Zhan I slept so well, you make a very good pillow. You should let me sleep like this every night.” Wy rubbed the sleep from his eyes and from the corners of his mouth. Cute.

Lan Zhan thought about it for a moment before nodding, “Mn. Every night.”

Wei Ying gasped and sat up abruptly, “Ah! Lan Zhan, you can’t take me seriously, every night wouldn’t be right. I don’t live here and would take up space. We would have to live together.”

“Mn. Together.” 

“You didn’t even think about it that hard.”

“Don’t need to.”

“I don’t get to sleep until very late. And I move around too much, and I talk in my sleep sometimes, and snore probably and what about your family? And-”

“Wei Ying is a wonderful sleep partner. None of these things happened last night, and It wouldn’t matter if they did. Want Wei Ying here with me. Brother and Uncle will manage but I cannot manage without you.”

Wei Ying blushed down to his toes and buried his face in Lan Zhan’s chest, “Ah Lan Zhan my poor heart, I can’t take it, you can’t just say things like that. That’s so sweet. I’ll die. My heart will stop from the strain and I’ll die.” 

Lan Zhan couldn’t help the small rumble of laughter from creeping out and a smile creeped up on his face.

Wei Ying looked up with wide eyes, “And now you’re laughing at this poor Wei Ying. How cruel.” His words said one thing but his face said another. His eyes shone with happiness and his smile was enormous as they looked at each other, “Lan Zhan you have such a beautiful smile, ah. I will have to make a song for it. No, a whole album.  An entire album to my beautiful Lan WangJi.”

Lan Zhan’s smile may be small, but it carried with it all the joy and happiness in his heart, “Mn. ok.”

Wei Ying’s smile was radiant. “You’re so pretty Lan Zhan, have I said before? I need to write more lyrics about this handsome man that I have. I’d dedicate every one to something else I like about you. So sweet it will make you sick.” Wei Ying’s hand pressed gently into the soft sleep shirt Lan Zhan wore, tracing slow maddening circles on his skin and occasionally brushing a sensitive area on his ribs or near his nipples.

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan said simply, which Wei Ying knew it to mean, “Yes” and “I feel the same” and “please kiss me.” and that is what Wei Ying did. 

Leaning forward, he touched their lips together in a feather light touch of skin. The contrast from the hungry and forceful kisses from last night was not lost on Lan Zhan. The smooth glide of lips did nothing to abate the fire growing in his chest which trailed down to his abdomen, sparking along the way where Wei Ying was still touching him. 

Lan Zhan was never a very emotive person outwardly, but inside he felt so much and so deeply. He suppressed his feelings to protect others, he would lie to himself. In truth, It was to protect himself, but with Wei Ying here, kissing him, touching him, loving on him; It made it all worth it to let go of the control. Sink into the feeling of Wei Ying here. Accept the dizzying high of being in love and being loved in return. 

In this moment of surrender, Lan Zhan felt all of his emotions crash and rupture at once. Like a dam released, he pushed on Wei Ying’s shoulder and flipped him, pinning Wei Ying to the bed and letting his mouth ravage those tender lips below him. Wei Ying cried out in shock, but didn’t actually seem to mind, melting into the sheets and kissing back just as eagerly. Hands trapped below, pinned to Lan WangJi’s strong chest. 

Oh, those lips were soft, and plump, and pink, and made for kissing and teasing and biting. Wei Ying started wiggling weakly, and to punish Lan Zhan bit firmly on his lower lip before pulling away with a pop. “If Wei Ying wishes for something he will ask. Do you want me to stop?“ He asked, starting to mouth along Wei Ying’s bare chest. This wonderful sight had been a temptation to kiss and nuzzle and suck all night. The fact that he was now allowed this, was not lost on Lan Zhan. 

Wei Ying gasped out a breathness, “No, don’t stop.”

Wei Ying wiggled more before freeing an arm and using it to pull Lan Zhan to him. He dove back into his mouth for more passion driven kisses. “Lan Zhan, don’t stop. Please, I need you.”

Lan Zhan accepted this and rolled more firmly on top, slotting his legs between Wei Ying’s and feeling a firm hardness press on his abdomen. 

Wei Ying was hard.

Wei Ying was hard in Lan Zhan’s sleep shorts.

Wei Ying’s cock was leaking and so hard, matching the aching pressure in his own clothing.

He was suddenly made aware of just how aroused he was. Lan Zhan wanted to thrust, wanted to grasp, and press, and fuck with all the youthful abandon that he never allowed himself in his youth. 

As a teenager he was above such things, but god did he want all the time. Whenever Wei Ying was around it made him so angry, but so horny all the time. Many late nights with a fist wrapped around his cock, lips bitten shut to not alert his family, and Wei Ying on his mind so beautiful and untouchable: cumming so blindingly hard at thoughts of Wei Ying.

And now he had a living Wei Ying gasping under him, wriggling to get friction on his dick. Soft pulsating muscle under his teeth as he nibbled and sucked on his long neck. It was so much better than fantasy. So much better to touch Wei Ying and see him react with such intense pleasure with every ounce of friction afforded to him. 

He heard Wei Ying’s gasps and moans, and saw the dark blossom of a bruise from his teeth forming on Wei Ying’s neck. Lan Zhan couldn’t help but thrust his hips forward, unconsciously seeking friction. Their cocks aligned and the noise Wei Ying made from the movement was loud and keening. Lan Zhan felt a spike of arousal shoot down to his dick and shifted his hips to grind into Wei Ying’s. Such sweet pleasure made him feel warm all over.

Lan Zhan kissed up his neck and to his jaw, from there to an ear and whispered with all the lust he felt in his body, “How would Wei Ying like to cum?”

Wy’s hips stuttered and he cried out again, “Oh! Lan Zhan, fuck. I- I don’t know, I just want you. Ah~ please. Please have me anyway you want. Need you.” Wei Ying never bothered to keep his volume low, but this was at such a pitch Lan Zhan was lucky everyone was gone for the day even if a part of his brain wanted for everyone to know Wei Ying was his and shout it from the rooftops. Maybe another day they could discuss public displays, but for now Wei Ying needed him and he was going to deliver or die trying. 

Lan Zhan pecked a kiss to his cheek, “Mn. “

Getting up off of Wei Ying made him splutter in surprise and sit up with a whine, “Ah, Lan Zhan What's wrong? Where are you-?” Gods above, Wei Ying made for such a beautiful sight. Nearly naked on his bed, strings of bruises on his neck and chest, a clear impression of his teeth at the juncture of neck and torso. His chest was flushed and slightly dewy, nipples peaked, and eyes unfocused. He looked concerned, but seeing Lan Zhan look him over, sat back to wait with a slow cocky smile. 

Sitting back brought another very welcome sight to Lan Zhan’s notice. Wei Ying’s hard cock fighting to spring free of Lan Zhan’s shorts, a spot of wet near the tip left the white shorts nearly translucent. Lan Zhan could almost guess the shade of pink of the cockhead from how clear the pants were. He felt a sympathy twitch in his own shorts in response. He was so beautiful. Lan Zhan was going to ravish him. 

Lan Zhan didn’t feel the need to respond before he tugged his sleep shirt over his head and tossed it into the basket. He could feel Wei WuXian’s eyes down his body and stop over his midsection. Lan Zhan was proud of his body in the way someone who ate well and exercised regularly was, but seeing the look on Wei Ying’s face, he felt ten feet tall and made of pure silver. The heat consuming Wei Ying’s face and sly poke of tongue out the corner of his mouth, made the fire inside him burn even hotter.

“Wei Ying.” He stated, and gestured for him to stand.

Wei Ying held out a hand, which Lan Zhan took to help him up. It was unnecessary but the skin to skin contact made the gesture electric. Standing near nose to nose, Lan Zhan could smell the sleep on him and the intoxicating smell of Wei Ying’s skin. LotusMuskSleep

Wy’s hands were everywhere, squeezing and grasping, pulling and pinching. He kissed him so fiercely, and palmed his ass before moving to his hips and traced a thumb over the ridge of his hip bones and the dip of his muscles. Lan Zhan hummed into the kiss, enjoying the attention.

Wy’s pinkie slowly made its way down and slipped just under the line of his pants, “hmm?” Wei Ying asked. Lan Zhan didn't need any words to understand or give his consent. With a nod, Lan Zhan buried his hands in Wei Ying’s hair to hold him close to kiss that mouth and sweep his tongue along the seam of lips. Wei Ying granted him entry and pushed at the pants at the same time. Lan Zhan licked the inside of Wei Ying’s mouth as his pants hit the floor and released his cock which sprung free of containment. 

The pressure was gone and cold air hit him at once. Wei Ying strokes his hip again before running his finger-tips down to the base of his cock. They hadn’t even done anything yet and Lan Zhan was losing his mind. Every nerve was on fire.

Wei Ying finally grasped his cock at the same time he lured Lan Zhan’s tongue into his mouth for a firm suck. Lan Zhan gasped and felt a bead of precum leave his tip. He was so turned on. Wei Ying looked down with a whimper, “Fuck Lan WangJi you’re so thick, and long. Not fair for you to be this perfect.”

Lan Zhan nudged his hip to press against the hard line of Wei WuXian’s dick, “Wei Ying has nothing to be embarrassed about.” 

Wei Ying huffed a laugh, “not fair. How can I ever compete with you?”

“Not a competition. Wei Ying is also beautiful.” Lan Zhan pressed a series of kisses to Wei Ying’s face and he ground his hipbone onto Wei Ying.

“Ah, Lan Zhan. I want you so much.” 

Lan Zhan looked deep into Wei Ying’s eyes with determination, “Show me.”

Wei Ying’s face became mischievous and in a flash he twisted and shoved Lan Zhan back onto the bed, standing tall over him, towering over Lan Zhan’s prone form. With a wicked grin, “Oh, Lan WangJi. I plan to.”

Wei Ying started humming softly and gently with fingertips first. Stroking his chest and sides, playing teasingly with his nipples and hair but never staying anywhere for long. Lan Zhan’s feet were off the edge of the bed, firmly planted on the floor, and he made his impatience known after a short while of teasing. Using his feet as leverage to push his hips up, his very hard erection jutted up obscenely from his hips. Wei Ying caught his eyes but kept playing with himself with a dreamy expression, clearly enjoying himself a bit too much. 

Lan Zhan realized the song he was humming was from a track the YiLing Lazou released years before he broke big. It never made it very far on the public market but had a very large underground following for being so… suggestive. It wasn’t a metal song at all, but what it was was beautiful. It didn’t have any words, but gasps and moans from various people to make up the only vocals. 

Eventually Wei Ying slowly sunk his thumbs into the edge of his shorts and pushed them down. Every slow inch of flesh exposed made Lan Zhan’s dick throb. Wei Ying’s cock was as beautiful as he is, Perfect in proportion and the shiny, wet head a deep shade of pink. 

Wei Ying crept forward until his legs were in between Lan Zhan’s and slowly he sank down and forward, brushing his chest against the hard cock before him. Wei Ying didn’t stop there, but came up for a single kiss and started leaving small feather-light kisses over his chest. 

Down. A kiss to a nipple.

And down. A kiss on his ribs.

And down he went. A kiss to his hip bone. 

Until his nose was buried in the short hair at the base of Lan Zhan’s massive cock. Lan Zhan was under no impression that Wei Ying would be able to accommodate his girth, but gods above, he wanted him to try.

Wy started with slow small kitten licks over the base and over his balls, and started taking larger tastes of tongue as we went up. Lan Zhan’s head was covered in precum dribbles by the time Wei Ying got there and sunk down as much as he was able. 

Lan Zhan groaned into the tight hot heat of Wei Ying’s mouth. It felt so heavenly, and bless him, Wei Ying wasn’t backing down, only bobbing gently as though he was desperate to sink down farther but testing his own limits. After a few bobs, his tongue came back in for a few swipes at the sensitive underside. 

Lan Zhan’s reality was narrowing to the points of contact where Wei Ying was touching him and nothing else. Wei Ying was tonguing him beautifully, his hands teasing his side or his balls, his ribs a feather light incidental touch to the side of his legs.. Lan Zhan grasped at the sheets with his free hands, desperate to hold onto something and attempting to stop himself from blindly thrusting in Wei Ying’s mouth.

Wy looked up with sleepy lust filled eyes and saw the look meeting him there. With a slurp Wei Ying came off and began stroking him with both hands. Wei Ying’s hands weren't small, but both couldn’t fully cover the length of him. Stroking him with just a twist at the end was maddening but he wanted that mouth back on him.

Before he could ask, Wei Ying spoke, “Lan Zhan, If you want to grasp something that bad, you can pull my hair I won’t mind.” And sunk back down so slowly, sheathing him in the warmth of this mouth. Wy’s hands grasped the back of Lan Zhan’s and tugged them from the sheets to place them on his head as he bobbed down.

Lan Zhan tried so hard to be polite, but as soon as Wei Ying started suction a lot of details slipped his grasp. Wei Ying placed a hand at the base of his cock to cover the length he couldn’t reach to stop himself from choking and tapped lightly on Lan Zhan’s hips to start moving. Lan Zhan’s brain short circuited as he began to slowly thrust into this mouth. Fuck. Wei Ying wanted him to fuck his mouth.

The fire inside him was a blazing inferno with every pump of his hips into that soft warm mouth, he grew closer to the edge. Wei Ying let out a whimper and Lan Zhan realized he had started to fist Wei Ying’s hair to drive him down harder. He tried to let go but Wei Ying wailed and put his hands back up. Lan Zhan understood immediately and let himself pull Wei Ying down by his hair into his firm thrusting hips again.

The soft sounds of slapping skin were paired with a wet noise from below. Wei Ying’s blissed out face became Lan Zhan’s soul focus point as he neared his peak, but know that Wei Ying was jerking himself off from having his face fucked is what did it. Lan Zhan pulled his hair hard to back him off as he shot thick streaks of come on his own belly with a gasp. Wei Ying’s hand, covered in saliva, kept jerking him off until he was spent and gasping for breath.

Wy squirmed and whined pitifully before climbing on his lap, dick and angry red for arousal. Lan Zhan reached up and stroked him with the same twisting motion Wei Ying had used on him earlier and with a few moment’s Wei Ying’s back arched and he came over the same area that was streaked with Lan WangJi’s release.

Gasping for breath, Wei Ying collapsed on his side next to Lan Zhan and began laughing, “Fuck Lan Zhan that was so hot. Definitely worth an album. Gunna go Platinum for sure.” 

Lan Zhan smiled and nuzzled his nose against Wei Ying’s. “Mn.”

“Aw Lan Zhan, you believe I can do it?”

“Mn. I never questioned it.” Wei Ying laughed, but his eyes held tears and they kissed and kissed and kissed.  Eventually Wei Ying sat up to get them cleaned up with those borrowed shorts that were tossed so casually to the side. 

Wei Ying blushed and sat back on the bed, blanket spread over his lap, “Hey Lan Zhan, can I ask for something? Sorry if it’s weird.” Lz turned his head up to look at him, clearly nearly asleep.

Wei Ying smiled gently down at him, “Would you rest your head in my lap? I was just gunna browse Twitter but I’ve dreamed of this sometimes. I would really appreciate it, if that’s ok.”

Lan Zhan smiled gently and scooted up, feet finding their place properly on the bed again and climbed under the blankets. Resting his head in Wei Ying’s lap, he could smell the evidence of them on his and Wei Ying’s skin and the sheets around them. A much younger Lan Zhan would find it gross and dirty, but it felt so wonderfully comforting. He found himself dozing off into a nap with Wei Ying above him, soft finger tapping talking with people on twitter. Or maybe getting into arguments on his own forums. That seems like something he would do. 

Within a minute he was asleep, content in Wei Ying being there when we woke up and excited at getting to make love to him all over again and hopefully for the rest of his life.

Dinner was awkward, but went better than expected. After a steaming shared shower, and some making out in Lan Zhan’s room, they finally get ready to go out. Wei Ying’s performance outfit smelled a little like sweat, but the clothes were nice enough to go to dinner with a little deodorant and a spray of fabric deodorizer. 

LQR was stiff and awkward for most of dinner but Wei Ying and LXC spoke as openly and freely as they always did when Wei Ying came over. It was no secret that LQR didn’t have the highest opinion of Wei Ying and thought that he was wasting his talents on nothing and dragging Lan WangJi down in the process. Little did he know that Wei Ying was a minor celebrity in his own right and never asked anything of Lan Zhan that he wasn’t willing to give. 

After dinner ended, Wei Ying said he had to head home and had to help with the restaurant the next morning. He whispered quietly to Lan Zhan at their goodbye kiss that he would be working in his studio at home after and was welcome to come by and listen to him work. Lan Zhan would like that very much and said he would be in touch.

Wei Ying left in a taxi and LQR turned to Lan Zhan with a very serious expression, “WangJi?” He raised an eyebrow, “You can probably expect what I’m going to say about this.” Lan Zhan nodded. He did. “But I want to hear from you why.”

Lan Zhan thought for a moment about all the things that LQR expected of him, expected him to say, excuses to make, lies to tell, but in the end the only reasonable thing he could reply was, “Wei Ying is Wei Ying. He is kind, compassionate, smart, and handsome. I realized I loved him a long time ago.”

Lan Zhan looked to where LXC was talking with the valet not too far away but far enough not to overhear, “He loves me in return. That is enough.” Lan Zhan let slip a small peaceful smile at the memory of trading sleepy kisses after Lan Zhan’s nap. 

Lan QiRen’s eye bulged at this rare smile and coughed into his fist. “If you are certain then I cannot meddle in affairs of the heart. I have no issues with him being a man, I just want to be sure you are not lowering yourself for his sake.”

Lan Zhan didn’t feel the need to contradict him and nodded wordlessly. LQR nodded to himself and turned to look out where their car was pulling up. He wasn’t happy per-se, but he supposed he could live with a happy nephew if the cost was Wei WuXian’s continued involvement. A brokenhearted WangJi he could not live with. 

This development he would have to keep a careful eye on.

When Wei Ying’s text comes in, it brings such a blessed feeling to Lan Zhan’s chest. Wei Ying isn’t necessarily a flake, but he can be forgetful. He was hoping that Wei Ying remembered that he offered to have Lan Zhan come over today.

Wei Ying: Hey handsome 😘I’m done with work and about to hop in the shower. Bring a movie or something and come over whenever. 💖🥰 I can’t wait to see you 💖

Lan Zhan: Mn. :-)

Wei Ying: I love your old man emojis 😂 OK here’s my address and the Gate pin. See you soon!

Lan Zhan looked at the address and briefly questioned why he would need a gate pin. He didn’t recognize the neighborhood, but had GPS, so plugged it in and began the 15 minute drive. 

He dressed comfortably in a light gray hoodie and darker gray jeans, assuming there would be some clothing removal and packed a few overnight things to leave in the car. He didn’t want to be presumptive, but was greatly looking forward to the idea of having Wei Ying alone to himself. 

Pulling into the driveway, Lan Zhan now understood why he didn’t recognize the address. It was a long gravel driveway through a wooded area on the edge of town, not far, but enough to give privacy and distance to the noise of the highway and traffic. Lan Zhan drove up to the large iron and stone gate that blocked him, looking for the place to punch in the code. Looking over the instructions again left him confused until he saw a small white stone rabbit to the right of the driveway. Reaching out of his open car, he tried to lift it and revealed the head pushed back to reveal a keypad.

Lan Zhan shook his head at the advanced security measures but knew that they were all unbearably Wei Ying. Why would you need to crack the gate code when you could scale the wall, or break down the door. Wei Ying always had great ideas, but sometimes let his ideas cloud the most obvious path forward. 

The gate swung open easily and quietly and with a replacement of the statue to its original position, Lan Zhan was off down the gravel drive again. He found himself stopping every couple hundred feet to marvel at another scene of landscape. It was all natural and wild. No extravagant lawns, no topiaries of old money. Nothing to remind Lan Zhan of his childhood homes with his father and his flaunting of the family’s traditional ties and money. Lan Zhan was used to opulence, that wasn’t it.

Wei Ying’s property was all naturally beautiful. Large stone archways and perfectly symmetrical rock gardens. It was beautiful in the way that a painting of an ideal landscape was beautiful. The most captivating sight was a bridge over still waters which formed a perfectly circular reflection below. A real moon door in the water. Stunning. 

Eventually a grand house came into view. It wasn’t a mansion, but nearly so. A large comfortable house nestled in between a large lake connected via a pier, and a bamboo forest with all species of wildlife scampering away from the approaching car. Lan Zhan saw several foxes and pheasants as well as what may have been a red panda hiding in the brush. 

Lan Zhan parked in front of the garage, and with a breath, walked up to the front door. It was a large black door with a black glass window to obscure the view inside. Lan Zhan pressed the doorbell, and Wei Ying’s voice came from the buzzer right away, “Ah Lan Zhan I thought I scared you off! Were you surprised?! You must think Wow the YiLing Lazou is such a snob living all by himself out here in his private mansion. What a bad guy!”

Lan Zhan tried to speak but was cut off again, “Ah~ Jokes on your Lan Zhan, I don’t live here alone! Well mostly, but anyway, come in, come in, I can unlock the door from here.” And with that the door clicked and admitted Lan Zhan entry. 

Lan Zhan shook his head, wondering what Wei Ying was up to. It was almost as if Wei Ying was challenging him to find fault with him or find the reason to leave. 

Lan Zhan opened the door to find him and ask, but the sight that met him was surprising enough that he forgot about it completely. The interior was a play on lights and darks with warm rich reds tossed in as accents, the furniture was sturdy leather and the room was dusted with flowers and plants. Most notably, was a small lotus garden visible from the large windows to the back. The lake was visible just beyond with scatterings of lotus plants that stretched even at the back reaches. It was warm, it was inviting, and but surprising of all was it was filled with people.

There was a whole family of people laughing and talking and eating lunch in the living room. A little boy hugged his granny and held a small stuffed tiger while an uncle sipped wine and played Mahjong with a younger man, deep in thought.

There was a kind but stern looking young woman, looking haggard and folding laundry with a younger male by the window. As she saw Lan Zhan, she smiled tiredly and waved, “Hello, if you’re looking for Wei WuXian you’re going to need to go upstairs and follow the loud music. You’ll hear it once you’re up there. Lan Zhan bowed to her politely and did as he was told.

Once he was upstairs he did indeed hear a loud surplus of noisy music coming from his right. Following down the darkly decorated hallway lead to another dark trimmed set of double black doors. One was cracked open. In invitation, Lan Zhan imagined.

Wei Ying sat in front of a large drum set in a slightly lowered portion of the room to the left, farthest from the rest of the house. Though Wei Ying was faced towards the door, his eyes were closed and he seemed to be concentrating fairly hard on something he was playing. 

Lan Zhan closed the thick door and nodded in approval to the sound proofing inlaid there. It sealed the room in a bubble from the rest of the house, as to not disturb the others. A considerate gesture he isn’t surprised about, but his heart felt soft towards. Wei Ying was always extremely self-sacrificing to those he loved. He must really care for the people downstairs. 

Lan Zhan entered the room and, not wanting to be rude, only briefly looked it over before sitting on an armchair an appropriate distance away from Wei Ying and closed his eyes to listen.

Wei Ying was really pummeling at the drums and his feet were going crazy on the bass drum pedal, creating a very fast and rhythmic beat overlaid by the crash of the drums and occasional snare. Lan WangJi knew the basics of drumming but his specialty lay in strings and conducting, not percussion. 

He had thought Wei Ying only focused on wind or the odd brass instrument to play, but to see all these instruments around the room and seeing how lovingly used and cared for they were, gave Lan Zhan a new respect for Wei Ying’s hidden talents. Truly no one knew how proficient and competent Wei Ying was at music. To write all his music, he must have worked very hard behind the scenes to get this far so young. 

Suddenly the music stopped and Wei Ying screamed loudly and gutterally, making Lan Zhan jump a bit in his seat and open his eyes. Wei Ying was still sitting at the drums panting hard, sweating slightly at the temples. “Oh Lan Zhan you’re there! Sorry I got a bit distracted waiting for you.”

“Mn. Wei Ying looked to be working very hard, I don’t mind waiting and listening.” Lan Zhan was a fan through and through after all.

Wei Ying smiled a huge grin and leaned forward almost conspiratorially, “You know what I call that one?” 

Lan Zhan shook his head and waited for the answer. 

Wei Ying gave a wicked smile, “My Existential Crisis at Wanting Your Huge Dick Inside Me”. Wei Ying said it with a small smile, that soon morphed into a huge laugh, nose crunched up in joy. Gods, Lan Zhan loved that laugh. It brought all the joy to his heart to see him so happy.

Wei Ying’s laughter died down a bit, “Don’t like the title? What would you call it?”

Lan Zhan’s face was as still as ever, but he could feel his ears burning a bit as he said, “Everyday.”

Wei Ying stared at him and broke out into those huge peals of laughter again, clutching his stomach and howling with laughter, “Lan Zhan, oh Lan Zhan that’s hilarious. You’re so funny, why didn’t you tell me.”

Lan Zhan secretly glowed with pride over making Wei Ying laugh so much. “Mn. because Wei Ying didn’t greet me with a kiss.”

Wei Ying laughed a bit more before getting up, “Ah yes, how horrible. How will you forgive poor A-Ying?”

Lan Zhan stood and waited until Wei Ying crossed the small space to be in front of him before slowly but with meaning, kissed Wei Ying deeply. He missed him.

Lan Zhan missed him like the flowers missed the sun: for he would die without him. Like the candle misses the fire: because he burns for him to be lit up. Like the Heavenly Emperor and the Ghost King temples statues: they must always be together. Lan Zhan wishes he was more easily able to communicate these things to Wei Ying, but instead all he has is this. Kisses passionately exchanged, lips and tongues and teeth performing an ancient ritualistic dance, to communicate his feelings and intentions. 

When they part, Wei Ying is dewy eyed again and breathing quickly, “Ah, good to know you missed me too Lan Zhan.” Wei Ying rubbed his nose against Lan Zhan’s softly. Affectionately. 

Lan Zhan thought he would melt on the spot and breathed a very slow and drawn out sigh. Everything felt right now; peaceful now that he has Wei Ying in his arms. 

They remained like that for a while before Lan Zhan spoke, “Wei Ying?”

“Hmm. Yes, Lan Zhan?”

“Are we boyfriends?”

Wei Ying pulled back slightly to look at him seriously, “Do you want us to be?”

Lan Zhan looked back just as seriously, “Mn.”

Wei Ying smiled gently, “ah, and did you mean what you said before?”

Lan Zhan leaned forward until he could brush a kiss to Wei Ying’s cheek, “everyday is everyday” he whispered.

Wei Ying’s grip tightened where he could feel it clutching on his clothes. Wei Ying nodded, face buried under Lan Zhan’s jawline, nosing at his neck, fingers worming and inching their way under his sweatshirt to touch skin. It wasn’t immediately sexual, but it was intimate. Lan Zhan hugged Wei Ying tighter and nuzzled a bit at his hair. He was so happy. 

“We should talk about living arrangements. Coming here I was thinking about apartments or buying a small house, but…”

Wei Ying chuckled, “Ah Lan Zhan, you’re coveting my beautiful home, eh?” 

“It is a beautiful house Wei Ying. But mostly, I don’t wish to take you from your family.” 

Wei Ying was startled at that. “Family?”

Lan Zhan nodded, “Mn. I know Wei Ying has had a troubled relationship with the Jiang’s in the past, but your new family… the ones downstairs… they mean a lot to you, don’t they?”

Wei Ying appeared to be looking elsewhere and fidgeting like he was uncomfortable, so Lan Zhan pressed on, “They seem like they like Wei Ying too. I would like to meet the ones Wei Ying cares about most.”

“Ah Lan Zhan, you really are too perfect. Too pure. Made of starlight and snow, ah?” They parted briefly. “I'll introduce you then we can take a walk around the property, ok?”

Lan Zhan smiled and nodded, subtly adjusting his clothes where Wei Ying clutched at them. Wei Ying grabbed his hand and rushed him out the door and down the stairs.

Meeting them was just like meeting family. Wei Ying didn’t say much about how they met, but as Wei Ying got pulled away to help the little boy A-Yuan settle down for a nap, the woman who called to him initially pulled him aside to speak. She only threatened him a little, but allowed him to ask how they met and became so close.

She explained that she and her brother were doctors who provided aid to underprivileged people, but because their ancestral land was large and well kept, large businesses kept harassing them and demanding them to sell so they could build casinos or resorts, and the like on the land. Lan Zhan’s heart sank to hear that this beautiful land almost became a commercial hellscape. 

When Wei Ying was 15 he was kicked out of the Jiangs home by the mother and set to wander again. Being an orphan meant he had no home and no money to go to after then, so he eventually stumbled here and fell asleep in the bamboo forest. After having a wild fox steal his last meatbun, he found the people living on the land. They welcomed him, and helped him build a small shack on the property to sleep in when he needed it. 

Lan Zhan knew he had it rough in highschool, but he never talked about it. Eventually, Wei Ying started making music to express himself and using the school’s instruments, computers, and some recording software, taught himself how to make, compose, and produce his own music. After a while, miraculously he caught on and became popular via social media and took off.

Now, almost a decade later, he bought the land formally, built large security gates around the property and hired a discrete company to remotely monitor and rebuild the Wen’s homes from scratch with modern technology. Their old ancestral halls were meticulously updated from the ground up. Keeping that tradition was important to him, but he never wanted to worry about a shoddy patch job coming apart in two or three years in case the money ever suddenly ran out. 

Now, in case something ever happened, the Wens would retain their land rights, newer and better than before. 

Lan Zhan took all this in and felt his heart grow warm and full. What else had Wei Ying done out of love for the people around him without wanting a word of thanks. He suspected his sister’s thriving restaurant might also be on the list. His brother made a name for himself as a finance manager, so maybe he was connected too. They had each had to manage after the tragic deaths of their parents. 

When Wy came back Lan Zhan was alone on the pier, looking out at the lotus blossoms, thinking. 

Wei Ying crept up behind him and plucked a small lotus blossom before placing it behind Lan Zhan’s ear, startling him a little. “Ah, did I surprise you Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying smiled mischievously.

Lan Zhan smiled and turned to face him, “Mn, a little.” 

Wei Ying laughed and pulled him by the arm again to walk around the property. He was shown the Wen Clan’s actual house through the bamboo forest, though Wei Ying was quick to explain that they liked spending time in his house during the day. It was big enough that he didn’t mind as long as they didn’t mind his loud crashing music and the occasional guest. 

They walked to the points of interest on the property, some of which Lan Zhan saw while driving up, but now got to see up close. It truly was a beautiful property. Wei Ying only took credit for the occasional maintenance, and said the Wens usually took care of most of the work. 

They never asked for anything even though Wei Ying made frequent attempts to offer more space, an extra house, and maintenance on a crumbling monument. Anything was strictly turned down until they couldn’t anymore. They had a system. 

Wei Ying liked the company and in return for his kindness, they were basically his live-in staff. Wen Qing, the doctor who spoke with him earlier, insisted on not only his medical care, but his cooking and laundry. He tried to protest once, and from what Wei Ying made it sound like, she bullied him into accepting. Knowing how Wei Ying accepted help, this was likely the case.

Lan Zhan was relieved that Wei Ying had such loyal and loving people around him all the time. Wei Ying deserved it. Afterall, he had also known about all the charity work the YiLing Lazou does for the community. Always donating large sums to children’s hospitals, orphanages, and food banks. Lan Zhan had thought that it was possibly a publicity stunt for favor, like so many celebrities do. But Wei Ying wasn’t like that, and now Lan Zhan knew the personal connection he had to those causes. 

They finally made their way back by the time it became dark. Wei Ying waved to the retreating backs of the Wens, migrating to their own home along the path of the bamboo forest. 

Now alone in the house, they followed the smell to the dining room where dinner was placed out. A simple but very tasty meal. Wei Ying’s was a fiery glowing red from all the chili oil and peppers in it, but Lan WangJi’s was a normal color and very tasty. 

Lan Zhan wondered how long he would be able to taste the spice on his lips and tongue for, before redirecting his thoughts to something more dinner appropriate. Wei Ying talked all through dinner, but never expected Lan Zhan to say anything or comment. They had a long history as friends/rivals so Wei Ying knew not to expect Lan Zhan talking during meals. 

Meals finished, dishes washed and drying on the rack, they both clasped hands and ascended back to the room Lan Zhan found Wei Ying in. Now that Lan Zhan allowed himself a better look, this appeared to not only be Wei Ying’s studio but also his bedroom. The ‘studio’ part of the room to the left of the door was sunken in by a step to separate the space. All sorts of instruments lay on tables or in racks for use. Wei Ying’s favorite dizi laying by itself on a table. 

The thing that surprised Lan Zhan most was a guqin on a low table. Its wooden body was a natural icy white, wood grain gleaning with varnish in the low light. The bottom board of it is painted with swirls of heavenly clouds and small white rabbits. It’s obviously not new, but so meticulously kept and cared for. It’s clearly Wei Ying’s guqin, but Lan Zhan pretends he does not see the implications behind owning such a customized piece in his private collection. Instead, he turns to see the right side of the room, housing a large bed with a black duvet and red sheets, visibly soft and luxurious. Simple furniture takes up a minimal amount of space, and every surface of the room save for the floors is covered with sheets and scraps of paper. Briefly looking at one, Lan Zhan can see scribbled lyrics written on all types of paper.

It seems YiLing Lazou wrote lyrics down where he was at the time and just saved them. That would explain the stained and slightly torn Denny’s menu with a small doodle of the black rabbit and a few lines of lyrics written on it. Sticky Notes and other scabs of paper littered the tables and desk in the corner where a humble laptop sat with half eaten dinner and various used but empty coffee mugs. Lan Zhan itched to clean it, but refrained as it was Wei Ying’s space.

Wei Ying was fiddling with his phone, clearly nervous of Lan Zhan’s impression, but unwilling to outright ask. They had yet to confirm where ‘everyday’ would take place, but Lan Zhan was certain he would live here for the rest of his life if Wei Ying allowed him to.

Getting his attention with a “Wei Ying” the man looked up from his phone with a strained expression.

“Yea?” 

“You have a beautiful home.”

“Ah Lan Zhan you’re just saying that-”

“No. I mean it.” Wei Ying looked down at his phone, the screen off, and fiddled with it in his hands, clearly reluctant to ask something. Lan Zhan knew to wait and he was rewarded a moment later.

“Lan Zhan…”

“Mn. Wei Ying?”

“Would you… I mean feel free to say no, but…” Wei Ying looked off to the far wall, squirming minutely where he stood, “I… am so bad at this… I expected when we talked before that you wanted to have your own space, and I imagined you wanted to start out with an apartment or something together, or even just spending the night but living apart, but… I mean.. I… shit.” Wei Ying’s head fell forward into a palm.

Lan Zhan took pity on Wei Ying and stepped forward to pull Wei Ying to him, embracing him slowly, drawing circles on his back like his mother used to do when Lan Zhan was too overwhelmed to speak. 

She was the last one before Wei Ying to really understand him. Who understood that sometimes for him, words were hard. She understood that he felt and wanted to say so much but the words escaped him and the feelings built up behind the traffic jam of words. Some of his worst meltdowns as a kid were a product of wanting to ask something or say something to someone but it just being too much and the jumbling of thoughts like a knot in a string got in the way. She held him and said that it was ok, he could take his time. And eventually he could cry a little and breathe while she rubbed his back in small comforting circles and let him untangle the knots himself. 

He misses her so much sometimes. 

Now, Wei Ying in his arms, he practices the same technique. “Wei Ying. Just breathe with me. Take a moment. Untangle the thought and begin again.”

Wei Ying breathed, but didn’t seem to be able to unstring the thoughts himself. Embarrassment getting in the way. 

Wei Ying knew what he wanted to say, but a lifetime of not getting what he needed and being pushed away made it hard to vocalize his needs. Asking for something he wanted, even if it was something someone wanted to give him was so hard.

When he first entered the Jiang household, he was so, so careful. Don’t eat too much. Don’t make too much noise. Take quick cold baths to use minimal water and heat. Don’t ask for anything. Don’t need anything. Get perfect grades and be polite and maybe they’ll forget about agreeing to let me stay. 

Anything but the foster care system again.

He still has nightmares about the house he was placed in with their large untrained aggressive dog who thought that Wei Ying’s dinner was free game and became aggressive when Wei Ying tried to defend his dinner or take it back. The family thought it was great fun, so started feeding Wei Ying on the floor to see who got to it first. 

Wei Ying rubbed at a large scar on his arm from that very dog’s angry bite at the sudden memory. He knew with a deep conviction that if Lan Zhan was there we would have fought the dog off him instead of laughing, or would have shared his own food. Lan Zhan is kind like that.

“Lan Zhan. Let’s try something? I read it online and maybe it will work.” He chuckled weakly, like he was trying to cover up his nerves and weakness, “It’s kinda weird though, ok?”

“Mn. Anything for Wei Ying.”

Wei Ying smiled and pulled Lan Zhan towards the bed. “Could you take your sweatshirt off and lie down with me? I’ve heard skin to skin contact helps, and lots of people say it’s easiest to talk in the dark. I can turn off the lights once we get in bed-” but Lan WangJi was already taking off his top and climbing in bed. Lan Zhan was a habitually neat person, but he left his sweatshirt a crumpled mess on the floor and held his arms open for Wei Ying to climb inside.

Wei Ying looked like he wanted to cry and gave a watery smile. Instead of diving into bed like he wanted, he stopped to pick up the item Lan WangJi just threw off and partially folded it to set on the dresser top on a pile of stacked papers. 

Lan Zhan smiled at the kind gesture and admitted to himself that he did feel better. Wei Ying removed his own tee and got under the silky covers with him. He fiddled on his phone for a second and the lights went out slowly, dimming before fading entirely. He must have an app. 

In the dark, it felt like there was nowhere to hide. Lan Zhan felt all at once, surrounded and alone. Only a touch from Wei Ying stilled his mind from spiraling. Lan Zhan never had problems with the dark before, but being in the dark alone was different from being in the dark with another person there. Someone else to hear your breathing, your nearness, your touch. It was as thrilling as it was terrifying. But at the briefest searching touches of Wei Ying’s hand, his heart stilled, and he grasped that hand to pull him close.

The bed was enormous, so Wei Ying finally scooched closer to bury his nose in Lan Zhan’s neck and just breathe for a second. Lan Zhan once again started rubbing small circles on Wei Ying’s back, but now that it was only skin it was a new experience. 

Lan Zhan felt Wei Ying’s breaths on his chest from the movement of skin on his, and the soft silkiness of the sheets soothed his nerves. He always liked soft textures and rubbed his feet together under the covers subtly. A happy bubble started growing in his chest and he became so cozy and content. Wei Ying clutched at him and slowly began to loosen up as well, finding comfort in the closeness.

After a while had passed and Wei Ying had taken many deep long breaths, he finally began to speak, “I’m afraid that if I ask too much of you, you’ll leave. It’s one thing to be friends with you, but I’m aware that I kept a huge amount of myself from you. I lied about many things, and tricked you into what might have been an upsetting situation. I’m scared that in knowing all of me, you’ll decide that you don’t want to be around me anymore and I’ll lose you” Wei Ying started to choke on the words, but swallowed and went on anyway.

“I want you to come live with me here. I want to have what we talked about before. I want to use you as a pillow every night, and have you kiss me awake every morning. I want to go to concerts with you and have you sit in the crowd wearing all white and those bunny ears so I can see you from anywhere and know that you’re watching me and cheering for me. I want to talk with you about my music and to ask your advice on a piece that I’m stuck on. I want to live together, and have domestic disputes about the dishes together, I want to play music together and sleep and fuck and talk about what we both want for dinner.” Lan Zhan felt warm drops on his chest pool where his sternum met his belly, and pool there before running off his ribcage in cooling trails, and said nothing about them.

That’s not what Wei Ying needed right now.

“I’m not sure what else to say because I feel so much for you that I’m so scared I’ll blink and it’s all a dream, or I’ve made it up, or you will just decide that you don’t want me anymore-” His voice cut off in a painful lurch, shivering from suppressed tears. “I’m scared knowing that we were barely friends before this and I know you said that you like me from the start too, but it feels like if I fuck this up it won’t just be losing you as a boyfriend, but I’ll lose my only real friend too. I’m scared because I don’t want to lose you more than anything, but I also don’t want to be alone again.”

Lan Zhan knew this was the time to cut in. “Wei Ying.” His hands slowly advanced over his chest until he met soft warm skin streaked with tears in the dark. Lowering to his jaw, he raised Wei Ying’s chin until he could gently press their foreheads together, breaths mingling in the middle,

“I love you.” Lan Zhan said simply and it carried with it all the reassurance and weight of the world. That weight crashed down on Wei Ying with a terrific force and it broke something inside him. With a sob, Wei Ying buried his face in Lan Zhan’s chest and broke down.

Messy, wet tears and gasping sobs. He wanted so badly to say that he loved Lan Zhan too, but the words were too much. Lan Zhan, who was very understanding of what too much lead to, just clung to Wei Ying gently, and rubbed those circles into his skin and nuzzled his hair. It was a lot to take in.

Wei Ying had a lifetime of rejection and pain and something like being chosen to love would take a while to heal old wounds to. Here, in the dark, Lan Zhan was more than willing to wait. His simple crush from childhood lit a spark in him the moment that he knew Wei Ying felt the same and it bloomed into a beautiful feeling of peace and hope and trust in his chest. He knew it the moment Wei Ying kissed him back and could taste the fresh water he chugged before entering in the backroom. He heard it in the painful sobs Wei Ying was crying into his chest. He heard it in the songs Wei Ying made for him not knowing that Lan Zhan was listening and feeling just as deeply. 

By the time Wei Ying’s sobs broke into sniffles and hiccups, Lan Zhan noticed he was humming something.

It was a nothing little tune, but one that lived in the back of Lan Zhan’s head rent-free for years now and he never realized. Lan Zhan composed, sure, for classical orchestra pieces and band practice, but never sincerely, never anything more than trite formulaic things.

This one though. This one lived in his heart. He hummed with feeling, so softly while stroking Wei Ying’s hair and soothingly down the arm flung around him in a desperate clutch.

Wei Ying snuffled and gently sat up to finally blow his nose and help clean Lan WangJi’s skin from the tears he left in salty trails there. “I’m sorry Lan Zhan, this is not how I thought tonight was going to go.”

Lan Zhan didn’t even dignify that with a response, but squeezed Wei Ying’s hand tightly to remind him that he was there and listening.

Wei Ying sighed deeply, feeling more wrung out than in a very long time. “Sorry. Sorry, I-”

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan stated flatly. “Between us, there is no need for thank you and I’m sorry. Do not say it again.” 

“Sor-” Wei Ying starts, but Lan Zhan leans over and cuts him off with a kiss, they trade kisses and teasing press of lips and tongue until Lan Zhan starts leaving small smacking kisses over Wei Ying’s face and neck until he is giggling and squirming away.

Once Wei Ying has squirmed away the lights slowly come back up until Wei Ying can be seen, phone in hand standing at the side of the bed looking back at Lan Zhan inraptured. “OH, now there’s a sight. Lan Zhan, you’re in my bed, in my sheets. You look good enough to eat.”

Lan Zhan huffs a small laugh, “Shameless” and sits up, blanket falling away and he slowly gets out of bed, trying not to look as inelegant as he feels in the massive bed. Wei Ying closes his eyes with a small smile as if committing the sight to memory (he is). 

Lan Zhan kisses Wei Ying’s forehead once more and Wei Ying’s eyes snap open, “Play me that piece you were humming to me. I had an idea.”

They play music quietly in the room for a few hours, Wei Ying revealing a closet converted into a studio booth for recording. Wei Ying took several takes of the song from different instruments and began to scribble some notes down on a page. While Wei Ying seemed to be absorbed in the music again, Lan Zhan took that opportunity to get ready for bed. His ideas were interesting, and it was an honor for Wei Ying to want to work on it with him. Lan Zhan originally had no further intentions than to hum Wei Ying a nice song to soothe him, but this was becoming more. The track overlaid with bare bones accents and percussion from Wei Ying’s laptop was… it was good.

Lan Zhan listened to Wei Ying record some drum beats to try out, and Lan Zhan himself attempted a couple cords on a guitar he found. Not his favorite, but he knew how to play. 

Yawning until his jaw cracked, Lan Zhan felt a bone deep need for sleep and went to get his overnight bag from the car. He knew Wei Ying got absorbed in the music and wouldn;t come up for air while he was gone, but left a note anyway on a paper he was absently writing supposed lyrics on. 

Once he returned from getting his supplies from the car, he walked in with sleep shorts on and freshly brushed teeth to Wei Ying looking confused. “Where did you go?” Seems he underestimated the man again. 

Lan Zhan gestured to his overnight bag, “Wei Ying was busy, I got ready for bed.” There was no need to ask, after Wei Ying’s confession in the dark it was clear that Lan Zhan was staying here tonight. And probably every night after. 

Content in the new security of their relationship. With his boyfriend, Lan Zhan will not leave unless explicitly asked. 

He will need to collect his belongings from home tomorrow after class and speak with his family about his new residence. They at least needed an address. Oh, and he would have to forward his mail. He should ask Wei Ying where he could put his things, and the list went on.

He was busy making that list when he felt hands wrap around his back, and a smiling Wei Ying pressed kisses to his chest, “Lan Zhan, come back to me.”

“Mn, I was thinking about tomorrow.”

Wei Ying chuckled, “You know what I would rather you think about, Lan Zhan?”

Lan Zhan waited for a response with a slowly raised eyebrow. 

Wei Ying smiled a dangerous smile and looked up at Lan WangJi, “I want you to think about how you mean to defile me on my own bed, Lan Wangji.” 

Lan Zhan’s nostrils flared and his heart rate picked up. Yes, that was much more important to think about right now. Wei Ying seemed to have recovered from his emotional moment and the dangerous glitter in his eyes spoke of his desire and carnal intentions. 

“I want to know how you mean to make it up to me that your huge beautiful cock didn’t finish inside me like I wanted it to.”

Lan Zhan was studden into silence, but felt the fire rekindle. “Is that so?”

Wei WuXian giggled prettily, “Lan Er-Gege, This one was so hurt that he didn’t get to taste you. You tasted so good and fucked so hard, ah. I came so hard with just your hand on me.” Wei Ying lowered his eyelashes to fan over his cheeks, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear like the flirt he was despite the filthy things he was saying. Gods, Lan Zhan loved this man.

“Take responsibility, Lan WangJi. Your boyfriend wants you to take him to bed.” Wei Ying’s face went from coy and playful to devilish, “and fuck him into his own mattress.”

Lan Zhan threw the bag he was holding in approximation to the bed and started stalking forward, backing Wei WuXian with him to that enormous bed. “Mark your words, Wei Ying.”

“Ah Lan Zhan, Tell me please, what will you do to this poor A-Ying?” Letting himself be backed up until the back of his legs touched the bed behind him. 

He was still shirtless, and his nipples had hardened in arousal during the short trip appetizingly. Lan Zhan grasped onto one with a short but firm pinch and tug, which forced a gasp out of Wei Ying. His cheeks pinked beautifully and his eyes scrunched shut. Lan Zhan dove in and kissed those lips firmly at first, then began to ravage them with the passion Wei Ying ignited in him. He only stopped when Wei Ying’s lips were the same color after eating the spicy meals he brought to school. Every day seeing those shiny red lips around his chopsticks and not be able to kiss them was a torture to Lan Zhan. He promised himself to make up for every kiss desired and missed, and every sad night he came alone thinking of Wei Ying. 

“You will see. Anything you know you do not like?”

Wei Ying shook his head eagerly before tilting it slightly in thought, but ever the practicalist, Wei Ying stated firmly, “No bloodplay. I’m not really into spit used as lube, I have a ton of lube we can use. Licking is fine, just no drooling if you can help it. I know I like bondage and some pain, but nothing extensive. It’s the hint of danger or quick sting I like, nothing lasting please.” He thought for a moment longer, “and as much as I’m going to beg for your cock in me right away, I’m also not stupid so please stretch me really well if that’s where this is going.”

Lan Zhan pet Wei Ying’s side adoringly, “Mn. Acceptable.”

“What about you?” Wei Ying asked, a shiver and an eruption of goosebumps blossoming along his skin from Lan Zhan’s fingers.

“I also do not want those things. I like it when Wei Ying is loud. I like it when Wei Ying talks dirty. I am inexperienced in this, but I want Wei Ying very much. I will say if I want or don’t want something and Wei Ying will do the same.”

Wei Ying smiled in a crooked way which always looked very handsome on his face. Trailing a finger down Lan Zhan’s lips, his chin, the just of his adam’s apple, to his clavicle and sternum, all the way down the divide of his abs until it reaches the top of his sleep shorts, Wei Ying follows it with his eyes and says, “Ah, Lan WangJi. Lan Zhan, Lan Er-Gege. Are you going to let me take your virginity tonight?”

Lan Zhan knows that virginity is an outdated concept, and they had sex yesterday (twice) but the concept is a bit embarrassing to Lan Zhan. His ears flush at being as old as he is and still being what some would consider a ‘virgin’ is embarrassing. It makes his blood burn hot and somehow even more eager to lose it with his boyfriend. Wei Ying’s fingertip creeps under the fabric and slowly, with eyes locked on his, Wei Ying pulls the shorts down until they pool on the floor.

The shock of cold air makes Lan Zhan’s cock twitch with interest. He wasn’t soft before but the look on Wei Ying’s face and the subt;e lick of his lips makes him rock hard in moments. Lan Zhan saw the naked appreciation and want on Wei Ying’s face and did not feel as exposed as he thought he would have. He could see the pretty flush on Wei Ying’s face, and his own erection in those tight black jeans and knew it was aching for him to touch. 

Lan Zhan may not have had penetrative intercorse with a partner, but what few knew about Lan Zhan was his love of dirty novels. To avoid questions from his family he would read on his phone in his spare time. Fanfiction was nice when he got recommendations (usually via his YiLing Lazou twitter account) and several romance novel fan sites online gave him a good wide range of material to read. He would never tell a soul, but he loved to find a new novel or fic to read and it gave him such a wide scope and knowledge about sex and dynamics that sleeping around never could. 

Lan Zhan, quick as a viper, grabs Wei Ying’s hands and forces them both behind his back, flushing their bodies together, grinding their cocks together between the thick layer of denim Wei Ying wore, “Wei Ying. Don’t mistake my lack of experience as a lack of knowledge.” 

Wei Ying gasped and dropped his head forward to thump softly on Lan Zhan’s shoulder. “Lan Zhan, oh, you’ll be the death of me.” he said slowly grinding his hips forward despite the barrier of clothing. 

Wei Ying’s grinding firmly distracts him from Lan Zhan’s hands creeping down his sides to sit just under his ass, where his thighs meet large soft flesh. With a lift and push, Wei Ying is flung onto the bed, bouncing once firmly in a startled gasp. Lan Zhan chases after him on all fours, smirking devilishly. Right where he wants him.

Wei Ying feels like prey being hunted and oh, gods above, he likes it. He feels the thrill of it as Lan WangJi traps him beneath him, a predatory look in his eyes. He lets himself be caged in and surrenders to the onslaught where Lan WangJi presses him down to the sheets with his body, hands creeping upwards to ensnare his arms before stretching them upwards above Wei Ying’s head. 

It feels like imprisonment. It feels like freedom. He feels like he’s floating from Lan Zhan’s strong hands shackled to his wrists and hips pressing him down with that huge bit of flesh against him. God He wishes his clothes weren’t in the way.

Wei Ying has never been more mad to not be naked right now. Lan Zhan sucks and bites and ferociously kisses his mouth, as if making a point, but as all of Wei Ying’s blood has gone to his dick, he isn’t quite sure what the point being made is. 

Lan WangJi’s hands guide Wei Ying’s to the railing on his headboard and push him to grasp them. He creeps closer, whole nude body rubbing enticingly over Wei Ying’s still mostly clothed one. “Stay.” Lan Zhan commands, firmly. And Wei Ying would rather self combust the disobey. 

With a sound like ‘guh’ Wei Ying is too turned on to make much sense, and stays put with every brain cell he has left. Lan Zhan sits back, cock jutting out, and takes his sweet time removing Wei Ying’s clothing. Occasionally he will leave kisses to certain points, but mostly he just watches the skin become exposed. 

Removes one sock, a kiss to the ankle. Removes the other, a firm rub to the soul, which feels heavenly. Wei Ying makes a note to ask for a foot rub later. Much later. This is too important. 

Lan Zhan slowly unbuckles his belt and draws the leather through the loop, “Wei Ying looked so good for me when taking off his own clothes.”

Wei Ying could only ‘mm’ in response, brain slowly turning to mush. If he was really this bad, he only wondered at the state of him when his clothes were actually off. 

Lan Zhan whipped the belt from out of the loops in one sharp motion, pulling on Wei Ying’s hips suggestively. He moaned, but by the gods he stayed still, hands clasped to the railing like a lifeline. He wasn’t even tied down to anything but he was bound by submission and Lz’s willpower alone, fuck that was hot. He feels restricted like he was bound in shibari and played with for an hour and yet all he has done is made his grasp the railing himself. Gods, what would Lan WangJi do to him if he let go? The thought is almost enticing enough to act on it, but gods it’s so good so far. And he wants so desperately to be good for Lan Zhan. Maybe if he’s lucky Lan Zhan will tell him so.

From most other doms it would be belittling and horrid, but from Lan Zhan it would be so hot. As Wei Ying was thinking to himself, lost to his own wanting, he failed to notice Lan Zhan watching him, slowing his actions to a stop. Wei Ying’s eyes were scrunched shut and lost to his own head.

Lan Zhan huffed, this was not where he wanted Wei Ying. He needed to redirect his attention back to him and him alone. 

Lan Zhan waited until Wei Ying was fully bare before petting Wei Ying’s skin and calling his name once. When Wei Ying didn’t break out of it, Lan Zhan slid forward and nosed the skin of his hip to find a good point and sunk his teeth in hard.

Wei Ying yelped and his eyes flew open with a gasp to look down to see Lan Zhan licking at the bite gently. Not deep enough to bleed, but there were clear teeth impressions left there. There would be such a beautiful bruise there later. “Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan stated between slow soothing licks.

Lan Zhan looked up in Wei Ying’s eyes and with a serious expression, “You were not responding. Speak.”

Wy gasped a breath and let it out slowly, suddenly so embarrassed, but so turned on he didn’t have the headspace to resist, “I want to be good for you. Sorry I got lost in my own head about it. I-... I think I have a bit of a praise kink? Please tell me when I’ve been good for you Lan Zhan. I need it.”

Lan Wangji nodded and sat back on his heels, towering over Wei Ying, looking down at him, completely merciless and in control. Somehow this calmed Wei Ying’s restless brain. 

“I can do that. I will say so when Wei Ying has been good, starting now. No more disappearing in your own head. If you have a problem or want something you should tell me.” 

Wei Ying nodded and laid back, still once more. It was so easy to let go and let Lan Zhan take control. It’s okay. He knew Lan Zhan. Last time Wei Ying took control, this time he could give up control and more terrifyingly, trust.

Lan Zhan nodded and got back to work kissing every inch of skin gently. Once Wei Ying’s cock pointed upwards on his stomach, it started leaving a trail of precum where it dripped off the head. Lan Zhan felt a throb of sympathy from his own aching erection, but Wei Ying wanted to be good, and Lan Zhan was going to test him first. Being good was a choice Wei Ying had to make. 

Lan Zhan kissed and gently nipped Wei Ying’s skin, licking at sensitive spots and the bite marks left behind. On the other hips opposite from the deep bite mark just starting to darken, Lan Zhan sucks an angry hickey to even him out and pointedly ignores Wei Ying’s cock. At least for now. Wei Ying floats there, while Lan Zhan works, and by the time Lan Zhan reaches his face, Wei Ying is panting and flushed with endorphins.

Lan Zhan kisses his jawline, bites at his neck again and again and kisses his slack lips, licking just inside, tasting him. Wei Ying squirmed and writed, but his hands never left the railing, and he took whatever Lan Zhan gave him despite the lack of attention to his important bits. 

Lan Zhan littered his face with small kisses anywhere he could. When he finally reaches Wei Ying’s ear, he places a kiss to the shell, bumpy with the piercings inlaid there, before whispering a husky, “Good boy” into it. Wei Ying jolts, and his hips jerk unconsciously with the force of his arousal. 

Lan Zhan’s chest and neck a deep red flush. His face still lacks a flush, but his ears appear to be nearly purple with how deep red they are. Wei Ying likes this look to his Lan Zhan. He’s not normally cocky like this, but this Lan Zhan isn’t the same self conscious fan who felt out of place and worried about what others think of him. No, this Lan Zhan is the one who has mastered several martial arts and can wield a sword or a bow. The one who has gone undefeated at his gym in both longsword, and hand to hand combat. Confident, unmatched, and sexy as fuck. 

“You may let go, but turn over and grab ahold again. I’m not done.” Wei Ying thought he was going to die, but complied immediately, flipping onto his stomach and grasping the railing again. HE squirms from the pressure on his neglected cock, but resists the urge to hump the warmed sheets, desperate to hear that phrase from Lan WangJi again.

“Good boy.” Lan Zhan rewarded, dreamily. Wei Ying shivered and could only guess where he was looking. He always had a slender frame so building muscle was hard, but he always had a big ass no matter what he did. Working out only made it bigger, but he’s heard all kinds of compliments about it. Seems Lan Zhan was a fan too. 

“Beautiful” he breathed. Lan Zhan’s hands roamed down his trim thin waist. If he tried, his fingers could connect all the way around with how slim it was. He continued to his gratuitous backside with a gentle squeeze. It was so soft and plush, Lan Zhan felt his heart rate kick up with being able to look and touch. Massaging them in each hand, Lan Zhan got a quick peek at the pink bud laying in between. That was where Wei Ying wanted him. Where he would bury himself. It was so small and perfect, nearly hairless and clean. Lan Zhan felt his cock twitch hard enough to slap his own abdomen, smearing his dribbles of precum there.  

“Get the lube.” He ordered, while he snuck down to his back to grab a condom. While Wei Ying was flailing in this nightstand, he snuck a few quick pulls of his cock and applied the condom. Virgin or not, it was safest for Wei Ying. 

Wei Ying finally thrust a tube of half used lubricant at him and put his hands back on the headboard with a shiver. He held so still, as if waiting for something. 

Lan Zhan smirked and leaned forward to breathe against his ear, watching the goosebumps disperse over his skin. “Good boy. You did well.’

Wei Ying gasped and melted into the blankets. Lan Zhan sat back and grabbed the tube of lube before slicking one finger and inserting it slowly in one move and sheathing it until it was all the way in. Wei Ying gasped again and wiggled a little, but stilled with the hand on his hip, holding him in place. Lan Zhan slowly began to thrust in and out, avoiding his prostate for now.

Wei Ying gasped and moaned, and bucked his hips back into Lan Zhan ‘s hand until he was slick and loose enough to take two. Lan Zhan slicked his middle finger and torturously slowly pushed that in to accommodate Wei Ying to the stretch. Wei Ying moaned at the insertion and while his hands stayed put. He couldn’t help the small rutt of his hips down on the mattress on his cock. With a moan and stilled, but looked back pleadingly.

Lan Zhan seemed to know what he wanted and tugged on his hips, fingers never leaving him, until Wei Ying was on his knees. Couldn’t disobey if there was nothing to grind against. Lan Zhan breathed another firm, “Stay.” before proceeding to finger fuck Wei Ying again. Wei Ying put his face into a pillow and let out a flustered loud moan.

Lan Zhan waited until Wei Ying was huffing quietly again before reaching with his other hand to grasp Wei Ying’s cock teasingly. Wei Ying cried out in surprise before moaning unabashedly. He was tensing up all his muscles together in a desperate attempt not to fuck Lan Zhan’s hand. Lan Zhan slowly stretched him to accommodate three fingers, then four. The long time spent stretching he would reward good behavior with a kiss to his skin, or a soft tug on his cock, but refrained from speaking it out loud to see if it was only verbal. Wei Ying looked like he was going to vibrate out of his skin but by the time he was ready enough for Lan Zhan’s cock. 

“Wei Ying. You’re being very good right now. You are doing very well.” Wei Ying gasped in pleasure. An ooze of precum leaked from the tip of his cock. Verbal praise, it seemed, was the most responsive one. Wei Ying nodded his head, knuckles white where he grasped the railings. “I want you to turn back over for me. You’re ready for me if that’s still what you want.”

Wei Ying groans in exasperation, and before he can process what he’s doing he starts angrily ranting, “Are you really going to sit there like you havn’t just given me a complex about how much I want you to fuck me, fuck your fingers into me without even once touching by prostate, and whisper praises into my skin THEN ask is it’s what I still want?!”

Lan Zhan’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, but he removes his fingers gently to let Wei Ying turn around finally. He lets go of the railing, fingers stiff from lack of blood flow, and knees wobbly from being stiff and wide for so long with Lan WangJi’s fingers gently turn him around to face Lan Zhan, “What I want is for you to fold me in half, and put your cock into me and fuck up into my prostate until the whole of China knows your name. What I want is for you to cum in me, on me, all around me, until I’m so full with you inside me and full of your smell it will never leave me. What I want Lan Zhan, is to forget how to breathe, because all I can remember is you.”

Lan Zhan feels a dark shiver go down his spine and he nods before taking Wei Ying’s still wobbly legs, bent on the bed and pulling hard, until Wei Ying is flipped onto his back, knees almost reaching his ears, pink shiny hole exposed and grasping at nothing. Wei Ying gasps and his hands land near his head, watching for what Lan Zhan will do next. What he does is state, “Mark your words, Wei Ying.” before plunging in deep.

He doesn’t sink down all the way in at once, too considerate for that, but after several well lubricated thrusts, he bottoms out inside Wei Ying and has to take a second to settle. The feeling inside him in indescribable and it takes a second to even realize Wei Ying is yelling to ‘gods PLEASE fuck me’.

From the first thrust, Wei Ying doesn’t stop his monologue. Every breath is a gasp of “Oh fuck, I love your cock Lan Zhan” and “Oh gods you were made for this, wern’t you?” or “There, there, oh fuck me there. Harder. More, Ah~” Lan Zhan does his best to hold out. His desire to see Wei Ying fucked to completion testing his iron will with his body’s needs to cum.

Finally, The words die down to gasps and breathless moans and hoarse cries until Wei Ying’s body locks up and without a hand to his cock he falls over the edge. Watching Wei Ying writhe on his dick, splashing cum onto his chest and even managing a splash to his cheek was a beautiful sight. Wei Ying’s eyes rolled back and his toes curled in pleasure and with a whimper went limp. Lan Zhan’s self control snapped and he fucked into Wei Ying hard once twice then came harder than he ever remembered cumming. 

All his nerves screamed in pleasure, and he felt like he was expanding through his physical body. He felt electric. He felt calm. He felt so so good at this moment. Maybe this was what ascending to godhood felt like. No, no sensation could ever be as good as fucking Wei Ying was. 

Finally he gasped and shuddered, feeling boneless himself. Wei Ying was panting under him, limp and nearly asleep. Lan Zhan’s heart lurched from just how beautiful this man was. Even with his hair a hale around his head and probably in need of a brushing, cum streaked all over him, and sweating: he was so beautiful.

Lan Zhan very gently extracted himself, holding the condom at the base, and checked for signs of damage to Wei Ying’s poor hole. Sore and puffy, but no blood or tears. The extensive prep worked. Good. Lan Zhan kissed Wei Ying’s forehead and whispered that he would be right back before making for the bathroom. Two warm wet washcloths for cleaning later, he and Wei Ying were more or less clean laying on the bed. Lan Zhan started massaging Wei Ying’s wrists and hands from the ache of holding so tight for so long, before moving down his arms. Wei Ying didn’t respond from his glazed over expression until he reached his feet and sat up with a gasp.

“Lan Zhan!” he laid back down after a bit, “fuck that was amazing. I think I blacked out for a minute there.” Lan Zhan huffed a small laugh and nodded, continuing rubbing Wei Ying’s feet.

Lan Zhan gestured to some water on his nightstand and Wei Ying drank half at once, suddenly parched. Wei Ying heaved a huge sigh and starfished out on the bed. Sensing that Wei Ying wanted to cuddle, Lan Zhan moved up to lay his head on Wei Ying’s arm. Wei Ying curled up into him softly and stuck his nose under Lan Zhan’s chin.

It was a strange moment for Lan Zhan. To say that he was unhappy before would have been a lie, but he could not ever before remember feeling this content and… happy. He has had plenty of moments of joy, and even some which didn’t involve Wei Ying, but this was a new and fragile happiness. This was beyond comprehension or explanation. He found himself tucking his head next to Wei Ying’s, as close as he could get, and whispering, “I love you.” so deeply, and felt so truly that he was almost afraid of what that would mean for him.

To love another this deeply. He would commit crimes for this man. He would defy the gods for this man. He would give himself over so freely. He would show Wei Ying this devotion everyday for the rest of his life if Wei Ying would let him.

Wei Ying smiled, a feeling of curling lips on his collarbone, and replied, “I love you, Lan Zhan.”

Lan Zhan ascended for a second time. All the love and devotion he felt for this man surpassed life itself. What a gift it was to be loved by Wei Ying even a fraction of what he felt was a treasured gift. 

Wei Ying turned to sit up a bit on his elbows, feet idly waving in the air behind him, wiggling playfully like a fox wagging its tail, “but I have some things to say.” he said almost seriously

Lan Zhan nodded very seriously, waiting to listen intently to whatever Wei Ying would tell him.

“I believe I asked for you to cum inside me.” Wei Ying stated dryly, a mock of the scolding tone one would use on a student, “Lan Zhan, what is this Wei Ying to do with you? Couldn’t even follow this one’s plainly stated wish.”

Lan Zhan huffed a laugh and held Wei Ying tightly to him, making Wei Ying fall back down to bury his face in his neck once again, “When we can get screened for STIs, I will do just that whenever you wish. Everyday if you want it.”

Wei Ying looked back up into his eyes, “everyday?”

“Mn. Everyday.”

“Lan Er-gege. You’re a- you were a virgin until this week.”

“Mn. true.”

“And Wen Qing is my doctor.”

“Mn.”

“Who has my medical records on her computer. I’ve been celebate for a little under a year now and my last results were clean. The concert venue made me, it’s a long story.”

Lan Zhan wanted to ask more but found himself frozen in place by this news.

Wei Ying devilishly smirked, “I could pull them up for you~ Right now if you wish.”

Lan Zhan found himself saying, “I believe you.”

Wei Ying sat up, leaning over Lan Zhan, his long hair brushing Lan Zhan’s shoulder in a ticklish way, “So Lan Er-gege… when can you go again?”

Lan Zhan didn’t bother answering, instead pulling Wei Ying on top of him and kissing him senseless. 

Turns out, everyday sometimes meant more than once a day on very good days.

They lived together, they fucked, they graduated school sooner after. Turns out Wei Ying was only going to keep seeing Lan WangJi and had enough credits to graduate with honors months ago. 

Lan Zhan considered how early was too early to propose in the back of his head.

The biggest surprise came when Wei Ying revealed he was secretly still working on the song that Lan Zhan hummed to him on his first night in Yiling. Lan Zhan happily listened to the track with him and kissed him senseless after. It was beautiful. A mixture of both of them.

Long sleepless nights were spent thinking of lyrics and themes for this new song. Lan Zhan knew that even if it never got published, he would be happy creating with Wei Ying.

His own career was in much more traditional music, but always carried an undercurrent of Wei Ying in it. Classical music with a darker, more longing twist. Love songs with a fast tempo, or long sweet songs which spoke of death and resurrection. He even got Wei Ying to sing most of his tracks for him. No one recognized the YiLing Lazou, but that would be their secret.

Just as Lan Zhan was considering applying for teaching music at their university, Wei Ying came in with great enthusiasm. His label wanted to change it up. He could say no, of course, but as he was trolling his own fan blogs secretly, he saw a very inspiring comment. 

Someone supposed the ‘white rabbit’ was a stunt and it was someone from the performance making a sneaky preview. While it was true that Lan Zhan had gone to every performance dressed as the White Rabbit, it wasn’t their intention to male it a thing until it happened. Now people online were making fan art of the two rabbits, one black one white. Some even made fanart of Lan Zhan as he was in the crowd. A personal favorite of Wei Ying’s was a portrait someone did of a particularly spicy outfit Wei Ying put together. Fashion bondage over a crisp white suit. Yummy.

“Lan Zhan, you and I have been working together for a while now…”

“Mn.” Lan Zhan was suspicious of the coy tone, but trusted his partner and let him continue.

“What do you think about joining me?”

Lan Zhan didn’t speak and just looked at Wei Ying.

“On stage…”

“...”

“As the White Rabbit?”

Lan Zhan took a long while to respond, thinking it over very seriously before responding. Wei Ying had begun squirming in anxiety, but had grown used to letting Lan Zhan speak before flying off the handle and assuming his silence was rejection. He wasn’t perfect at it, but they were working on it.

“Mn.”

“WHAT?! You will?!”

“Yes. But… I do not wish to only be White Rabbit. Wei Ying will have to come up with a stage name.”

“Ah, Lan Zhan, light of my life, I’ll think of something.” Wei Ying was excitedly kissing him before he could respond more and gasped into his mouth his excitement. Everyday meant everyday, but today was a good day. 

The stage was revealed in a burst of light and smoke. This time, a skeletal white dragon shot flames into the air, while the Skeletal fox breathed its smoke down. White and black, smoke and fire. Lan Zhan was shielded from the crowd, but still felt his nerves kick in until he heard his husband speak.

“Ah~ Baby buns, it’s time to quiet down. I have a very important person to me I would like you to meet” YiLing Lazou said into the mic, his voice distorted like all his concerts. 

The roaring of the crowd died down and he smiled beautifully, “Thank you, What good buns here tonight. I’d like you to meet a very special friend of mine. You may have seen him before at the show, but here tonight and hopefully every night from now on, is the White Rabbit: Hanguang-Jun.” 

From the darkness, Lan WangJi’s spotlight came on to a cacophony of sound on all fronts. The monitor on Wei Ying’s mic echoed it into his ears as well. The white protective bubble around him hatched like an egg and revealed HanGuang-Jun to the crowd of fans for the first time. Lan WangJi tried not to fidget in his all white suit, yet the white glasses and ears instantly found a connection with the fans as his reveal sent the crowd into an absolute uproar. He looked forward to the twitter feed after the show.

Security held back the crowd at the front from swarming the stage. To do what Lan Zhan didn’t have a clue, but he sat still on his stone platform with his white pillow comfortably under him, and the white guqin that was once housed in Wei Ying’s home on the table in front of him.

There were an assortment of other instruments all around him, but this was where he was to start. Where he would be associated with. YiLing Lazou turned to him with a huge feral grin, “Are you ready HanGuang-Jun?”

HanGuang-Jun nodded once and played a single chord. Their agreement was that HanGuang-Jun would not be mic'd up, and would respond by nonverbal gestures and playing instruments in speech-like patterns to get his intention across. YiLing Lazou understood and turned back to the crowd, “Allright buns. HanGuang-Jun wrote you a song. Would you like to hear it?”

The screaming and roars of the crowd touched Lan WangJi in a way he’s never experienced before and set his hands on the strings. Ready to bear his whole heart to the world for the first time.

YiLing Lazou raised a hand in acknowledgement, “Alright. Alright. This one’s called Wangxian.”

With this previously discussed queue, HanGuang-Jun was off. He played his song to the screams and the adorations of the fans waving their merch of white and black rabbits and Wei Ying at his side in every aspect, singing the lyrics they wrote together. A love story, of two very different rabbits who saved each other from the snow. 

-END-

#mxtx #mdzs #mzds fanfic #fanfic #ficlet #import from twitter #wei ying #wei wuxian #lan zhan #lan wangji #captinbumble #AU

[stardust-mp3]

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#i haven't been much on here lately but I kinda miss writing about my personal life so here it goes #I had the best time ever at the strokes concert a week ago #I went with my best friend and even though we have somewhat different music tastes he's the best concert partner I've had #we got to the venue around 6 and the concert started at 6:30 I think #we got drunk. I had never gotten drunk at a concert before but it was great #we spent so long talking that we didn't even pay attention to the opening acts #and I just. I love how even if we don't talk much over text when we see each other we can still be so close #and we can talk about anything and I can tell him I kinda wanna kiss him and he'll peck my lips to make me happy #and even if he doesn't listen to the strokes he'll see how happy I am when they're playing and he'll randomly hug me in between songs #and even though I'm not a person who likes to touch people he can randomly grab my leg or put his arm around my shoulders #and it's not weird at all and I really enjoy it #and I really really love him and hopefully we'll go to more concerts together soon #I also loved the fact that I got to meet one of my internet friends and we moved to some better seats (more expensive that the ones we had #tickets for) and got away with it. that was awesome #and the strokes fucking killed it #they played under cover of darkness !! and between love and hate !! #they were so happy and I was so happy and there was so much love inside the venue that night #one of the best days of my life for sure #life

[finelinevogue]

can you make a love on tour blurb kind of like a continuation of the one you made about harry and y/n having a tiny bub on tour and one night when y/n was in the audience the baby started getting fussy and she decides they need to be fed but she doesn’t want to miss the show so she breastfeeds them there. maybe fans see her do it or they get it on video and people on the internet criticize her for doing it in the crowd but harry comes to her defense

yeah of course i can do that!! <33 hope this is okay! ;

When people warned you that motherhood was no walk in the park, you never thought it would be this difficult.

Dylan had been so good for you over the past few weeks of tour. He was always going to sleep when he should and feeding when he should, whilst also just being a well behaved baby. For a two month old baby that was travelling the country of America, he was really good at keeping civilised and perfect.

Until tonight.

Harry had been on stage for nearly an hour now and he was coming up to having a quick interlude, before coming back on stage to finish his final three songs. The show had been amazing so far, the Florida crowds showing exactly how loud and crazy they could be. Everyone was so happy to be here with Harry and it made you feel so blessed to watch it all.

Unfortunately, Dylan had started to misbehave. It had started only half an hour ago, but he was really restless and kept on trying to take off his headphones which was obviously something you weren’t ever going to let happen. He was being really fussy, so you checked for whether he needed a nappy change - no - and checked whether he needed burping - no. The only thing left that he could be being fussy over was that he maybe needed a feed, however he’d only just had one before Harry came out onstage.

You were slightly stressed now, however, because Harry wanted you watching his show all night as he would be really worried otherwise. He always wanted to make sure you were okay and that Dylan was too and he couldn’t do that when you were backstage. There wasn’t that much left of the concert and you thought you’d be able to get away with feeding Dylan until then, but he had started to cry heavy wails and you hated seeing him so upset. Which is why you decided that you’d just breastfeed him here, in the little alcove off to the side of the stage.

Unbuckling your maternity dungarees you let the flap fall and then you pushed the heavily elasticated material of your t-shirt down your arm, leaving your breast exposed. Before anyone would be able to take a photo of your naked breast you quickly lead Dylan’s head towards your breast and he quickly latched on, instantly calming down and holding on his little hands to your bare skin.

“There y’go lil’ man. Ssh ssh, you’re okay.” You cooed, watching as Dylan’s teary red eyes stilled with water and he was just left to hiccuping as he drank from your sore breasts.

Dylan always had a strong hold on your breasts and he was quite firm when he sucked, often leaving your breasts feel very sore and swollen. You’d have to put some cream on them later, you mentally reminded yourself.

Cupping Dylan in your arm, you stroked back his hair with your other hand and wiped, delicately, the tears away that were left under his eyes. He was so cute and precious that you couldn’t be mad at him for misbehaving tonight, especially when all he wanted was some more food. You got hangry at the best of times, so you completely understood what Dylan must’ve been feeling too. Whilst Dylan fed away happily you got to watch your beautiful husband sing his heart out on stage. He did such a stunning job always and you always left the shows feeling so loved and happy.

In the break between ‘Fine Line’ and ‘Sign of the Times’ Harry sent you a quick text, which you knew you didn’t need to respond to instantly but it made you smile so bright nonetheless.

From H🤍:

This show is so amazing!!

I’m ready for a huge cuddle with my little dude though.

Saw you feeding him. You’re the best mum ever, love.

So proud of you, every day.

Love you xxx

You felt such a huge sense of pride as you read his text messages, feeling like you were the most loved person on the planet for just a few moments. Harry never failed to make you feel worth less than your weight in gold. He was a perfect husband and a perfect dad. You felt so lucky to have him.

At the end of the show, you walked backstage before Harry ran off stage. Dylan had fed for at least 15 minutes and then had fallen asleep. As soon as you got backstage, you went into Harry’s dressing room to put him in his car seat as he slept like a sleeping beauty. He was so precious when he was asleep that it was hard to imagine how much of a devil he was when he was upset.

As you waited for Harry to run backstage, after greeting the various staff members and heading for a quick ice-bath, you went on your phone to scroll through tonights photos. You were planning on making a scrapbook for Harry of this tour and so you liked, sneakily, stealing some photos from fans who were a lot closer to stage than you were to help create a gift for Harry that was priceless.

Scrolling on twitter you found some really good photos. There were a couple where Harry was wearing Minnie Mouse ears and it made you laugh, because not even 24 hours ago he’d been wearing very similar ears as your little family went around Disneyland for the day - surprisingly undetected. He looked really hot in some photos and then positively cute in others and you just didn’t understand how he did it.

You made the mistake of scrolling too far though, as you ended up on a post that called you out for breastfeeding in public. It was posted by a fan, including photos of you breastfeeding, with the caption ‘feed your bastard child elsewhere you whore’. Normally media-hate didn’t get to you, but as you scrolled through the comments people were slandering you for doing something so intimate so publicly. Other comments were defending you, but it didn’t take away from the horrible ones. Some people had gotten photos of Dylan that you didn’t really want being posted. Some people were criticising how you were holding him during breastfeeding. Some people were being cruel about how you looked, saying you were very “overweight” for being this far out of pregnancy. You wanted to defend yourself, especially your son, but you also be the ramifications if you did do that and the fact you were starting to believe that maybe what they were bullying you for was true.

Harry walked through the door not two seconds after you shut your phone off to keep the hate as far away as possible. It was as clear as a new day that your face gave away how awful you felt, because, unlike he usually went to Dylan first, he came straight over to you.

“You want a hug?” He asked, clearly knowing something was wrong by the distressed and unhappy look on your face but wanted you to tell him what was wrong in your own time.

You nodded, biting your lip to keep the tears at bay as Harry sat down next to you and practically pulled you into his lap to cuddle. He wrapped his arms tightly around your waist and kissed your forehead too many times to count. You felt loved and safe, most importantly. You hadn’t even realised you were crying from upset until Harry softly told you to ‘let it all out’. So you did.

Staying cooped up in his hold you allowed yourself to breakdown and feel comforted by his warming presence. You were happy to have him here as you cried over the many abusive comments you’d seen today and worse, the photos taken of your baby boy.

“I-i’m s’sorry.” You mumbled out between your sobs.

“What’re y’apologising for m’love?” Harry questioned, very confused as to why the love of his life was falling to pieces in his arms and didn’t have a clue how to glue you back together. Yet.

“Shouldn’t b-be crying. Should be h-happy f’you.” You shook your head in disappointment over yourself and how weak you were being.

“You’re okay. Cry all y’want, lovie. Rather y’cry with me than by y’self.” He rubbed your arms gently and gave you a tight squeeze to prove that he was here for you and wasn’t leaving until you were alright. “But, what’s upset y’love?”

“Just some n-nasty people online.” You rolled your eyes, allowing it to sound so trivial but that was far from the truth. It was horrible and foul what those people were saying about you and your innocent son. You hated that he was getting verbally abused even at just 2 months old, it was unjust.

“Saying what?” Harry asked, resting his cheek against your head as you tried your best to get your words out. His body language was a promise that he wasn’t leaving you - not ever.

Instead of talking him through everything, you showed him your phone instead. “Here.” You opened your phone to the thread and Harry immediately tensed his grip on you, seeing the photos and then the cruel comments that followed. He stalked through the tweets and subtweets, committing to memory every single bad thing people were saying so that when he sued these people for child harassment, amongst other things, he would know exactly what to say. He had clear evidence. Appalling evidence that should never have existed.

“Absolute—”

“Please don’t overreact.” You spoke quickly, sitting up to face him. It was clear Harry was deeply upset and offended by this too, because he had red eyes from his own tears threatening to spill.

“Overreact? M’wife is being harassed f’something as beautiful as breastfeeding m’son. I don’t think it’s overreacting to say that those fuckers are the scum of the Earth.” You’d never heard Harry so angry and pissed off. He was tense and you hated that this was really getting under his skin, but you admired his instinct to protect you and Dylan.

“Yeah, but—”

“No, baby. Don’t even try to justify their words or actions. It’s fucking disgusting and i’m going to make sure they realise that there’s consequences when they mess with m’wife.”

Just as you were about to speak Dylan butted in and babbled something completely incoherent and not understandable. He was sat in his car-seat and flapping his little hands around, with a little pout on his face as he watched his parents sit closely together on the sofa across from him.

“Yeah, I know bud. Mummy doesn’t deserve any of that hate and neither d’you. Y’my little star y’are and y’mummy is the best of them out there. Couldn’t be prouder.” Harry responded, leaning forwards to tickle Dylan’s chest lightly which made him laugh.

As Harry leant back, bringing you with him, you smiled at the thought of Harry loving you this much. His actions were louder with love than him screaming those three words to you. He loved you and Dylan with all his heart and it was clear at times like this just his much that loved stretched.

“Thank you.” You whispered into Harry’s chest, right over his heart, feeling grateful for him in this moment.

“Thank you, too.” And you had a feeling he was thanking you for the wonderful life you’d given him.

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #finelinevogue #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fanfiction #finelinevogue harry styles #harry blurb #harry oneshot #harry styles concept #hslot florida #hslot series finelinevogue #hslot concept night #hslot #love on tour finelinevogue #love on tour harry styles #love on tour fanfic #love on tour blurbs #love on tour series #love on tour #ask finelinevogue #anon response #finelinevogue harry styles masterlist #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff

[hugespace]

Prompt: van, thunderstorm, link is scared and rhett is there for him and gives him hugs and kisses

Thanks love 😘

There you go! 🥰 I ended up writing some high school Rhink - lots of fluff with a dash of angst. Hope you’ll enjoy it!

*** (~2k words) ***

"How the crap did you miss that, Rhett?!" Link rapidly turned his whole body in the passenger seat, making his bleached blonde locks flap around on the top of his head. "How are we even out of gas-? Didn't you just say, like yesterday, that you'd fill it up?!" he threw his hands in the air, staring with disbelief at his friend who sat quietly behind the wheel.

Rhett muttered something in response, his head downturned and eyes focused on his own lap.

"Rhett!" Link exclaimed impatiently, not having gotten a clear answer out of the other boy.

"I thought we'd make it, okay?! I was gonna buy gas with some of the money we'd get after the gig!" Rhett repeated his explanation in a raised voice this time, finally looking his friend in the eyes and shrugging in the process.

Link only returned the look with wide eyes.

"Are you serious-? You're so irresponsible!" he answered even louder after a few short seconds of processing Rhett's words. "You're telling me you wanted to buy gas with the money we won't even get now because we won't get to the damn concert- because. You didn't. Get. Gas. In the first place?!" Link continued thought clenched teeth. "What the crap, Rhett?!"

The taller boy felt his face grow warm. Sure, perhaps Link was right, it wasn't the smartest decision of his life, or even of just that day, probably – electing to risk not reaching their destination in a borrowed van full of equipment for the two of them and the other members of Wax Paper Dogz just to be able to spend the last of his cash for the week on snacks. But he certainly wasn't going to give the other boy that, or the full reason for getting them stranded in the middle of a road on the way to the farm they were supposed to play at, for that matter. Truth was, Rhett didn't do well with criticism. Not even when it was earned.

He opened his mouth and got ready to match Link's tone, when a powerful crash of thunder resounded directly above them all of a sudden, immediately preventing the shouting match that was surely about to ensue.

"What was that-?" When Link's voice reverberated to Rhett's right again, it was remarkably smaller and less filled with anger than just seconds ago.

"Shit" was the only response the older boy could muster as the sky opened up, letting thick and heavy drops of rain fall onto the world around them, drumming angrily against the van's roof.

"At least we don't gotta worry about the gig-?" Rhett tried for a reassuring smile after a few beats of silence between them ticked by, interrupted only by blaring sounds of the summer storm they’d apparently gotten caught in. "It ain't gonna happen now with that rain-" he conceded, hoping it won't anger Link any further.

The younger boy was silent, the unexpected arrival of thunder seemed to have not only taken away his temper, but his voice as well.

"Link?"

A pair of blue eyes, still wide open, met Rhett's. The fire that burned in them just moments before the first loud crash fizzled out completely, giving way to a cold shade of fear, and the face they belonged to quickly became visibly paler, taking on a greyish colour only intensified by the sudden lack of sunlight.

"I don't like this-" Link whispered, clutching the edges of his seat with such force that his knuckles soon matched the paleness of his face.

Now, Link didn't exactly suffer from a deadly fear of thunder, not to Rhett's knowledge at least, which after more than a decade of being best friends meant it could as well be equalled to a fact. On the other hand, he wasn't especially keen on those either, and the aspect of being trapped in a metal can in the middle of a country road with absolutely nowhere to go to seek refuge only added another dimension to that.

Instinctively, Rhett reached out a hand and rubbed the other boy's shoulder soothingly.

"Hey- Hey, look at me. Link-?" he leaned forward trying to catch his friend’s eyes again and grasp his attention, temporarily directed towards the sky where bright flashes of lightning cut through the dark graphite clouds one after another. "Hey"

Link finally directed his attention back to Rhett, gulping loudly, almost comically, if it weren't for the entire situation. "We're gonna be fine. The car's safe, we're better off here than anywhere outside probably, just don’t touch the doors. We'll wait till the rain passes a bit and then I'll go get us gas, okay? The station's not that far. We'll be good." Rhett added in a calm voice, still keeping his right hand on Link and gently rubbing his upper back.

"Okay" the boy replied, still in a weak voice, and drew in a deep breath, only to be startled by another instance of rumbling thunder and hastily clasp Rhett's other hand.

"Sorry..." he cleared his throat and tried to compose himself once the sound of thunderclap died down, leaving them only with the deafening banging of raindrops against the van. Link went to retract his hand but was stopped by Rhett's before the taller boy could think about it.

"Ssh, don't. S’okay, brother."

The split-second decision to comfort Link and hold him like he hasn't since they were kids came from the feeling of guilt for getting them in that situation in the first place, he told himself. And sure, he did feel responsible for making Link endure the storm in a car stuck in the middle of nowhere all because of his stupid idea. But it wasn't just guilt; the vulnerable look on his friend's pale face combined with the fear in his big glassy eyes made him look like the boy he was when they were still in grade school - small and innocent, and it tugged at Rhett's heart in a way he didn't fully comprehend, awakening an instinct to protect Link no matter what.

"Do you... Maybe we'd- Should we...?" Yes, Rhett did make a decision but was suddenly struggling to articulate it. The scared boy next to him wasn't really listening anyway, his whole attention focused on the sky again and his free hand grasping Rhett's sleeve and trembling. Rhett cleared his throat and tried again. "We should move to the back."

"Whaa...?" Link started but was cut off by his friend gently removing his fingers from the fabric of his shirt and swiftly moving to the row of seats behind them.

"C'mon. It's gonna be more comfortable. The stick's poking my leg when I lean over like that." the older boy offered from the expanse of the middle row, gesticulating to the gap between Link and the now empty driver's seat.

If Link was hesitant to join him, another growl of thunder must have been enough to persuade him because suddenly, he was clambering to join Rhett, inadvertently nudging his thighs and elbowing him in the process.

"Auch! Okay, okay- Com'ere" The older boy grabbed the other's shoulders once he was situated next to him and moved his body even closer, encircling it with his long lanky arms and squeezing hard, making Link's head fall onto his chest.

To his surprise, his best friend didn't protest, he only burrowed his face deeper in the front or Rhett's bunched up flannel and breathed in deeply, obviously trying to relax.

"Good, good" Rhett praised absent-mindedly and slowly stroked Link's smooth hair, temporarily stunned by the feeling of warmth and peace holding the other boy so close gave him. After a couple of minutes of stillness, he felt Link's arms move, too, and wriggle in between the backrest of the seat and Rhett's lower back, finally hugging him back around the waist. It made the taller boy instinctively seek even more contact, and he lowered his head, positioning his face on Link's hair and eventually, before he could rethink it, leaving a kiss on top of it

Link froze and tensed up again, though this time there was no crash of thunder or flash of lightning to blame it on.

Oh no. Rhett's action caught up to him. This was weird. He was being weird. They never kissed each other, not even like that, not even when they were kids. His heart sped up from embarrassment and he was sure his friend could feel it, with the way he was still clinging to his chest. But he wasn’t letting go- In fact, he seemed to hug Rhett even tighter now, nuzzling his face into his body, left cheek smushed against his sternum.

Shyly, Rhett risked another smooch to Link's head, this time as close to his forehead as he could reach in the position they were in.

In response, the boy let out what sounded like an appreciative hum, or maybe even a tiny whimper, and a warm breath against Rhett’s skin, making his heart pick up the pace again. Continuing the pattern of acting before we could talk himself out of it, Rhett gathered his friend and tried to pull him even closer, not even sure if it was possible at that point, and was rewarded with Link landing almost entirely in his lap.

The face of his best friend was now nearly level with his. It was blushed, he realised, the earlier sickly tone of his complexion gone almost completely. His hair, equally blonde as Rhett's though significantly longer, was dishevelled. The sight was endearing, there was no other word to describe it, and the look in Link's eyes, blue as ever and soft now – not as filled with fear anymore, only made the effect it had on Rhett more intense.

Blinded by the affection that flooded him all of a sudden, he leaned in again, now able to kiss Link's forehead, and left another peck there, keeping his lips pressed to it for a bit longer. Before Rhett could really get used to the new sensation, Link straightened his back, making himself taller in Rhett's lap and as a result, bringing his own lips to the same hight his friend mouth was at.

The taller boy flinched slightly and almost recoiled on instinct, seeing how there were no more than two inches of tense air filled with petrichor separating their faces, and nothing else.

Almost.

Instead, he gathered all of his courage and closed that gap, planting his lips square on Link's.

They were incredibly soft, almost cushiony, and oh so warm. And they were moving against his! He realised, stunned, as the other boy's hand reached up to his face and gently cupped his jaw.

Rett felt his own lips form an involuntary smile, soon matched by the lips he was kissing. As they started to separate, both beaming and searching each other’s faces with sparkly eyes, he took in the near silence that surrounded them.

The rain stopped, there was no banging on the roof of their van and no rumbling of thunder above. It was like the clouds dissipated the moment they kissed, giving way to sun again, Rhett thought not caring about how silly and romantic at the same time that idea was.

Divine intervention or a simple coincidence, he didn't care. The sky was clear now and so was the fact that he just shared a kiss with the person he loved most in the entire world. How he hadn't realised that earlier was unimportant. It might have taken being stranded in the middle of a road, surrounded by nothing but trees and crops and a thunderstorm worse than any other time that summer to get there, but they did, in the end - that was all that mattered.

And with that thought, Rhett embraced Link trying to put all of his love into it, and went to kiss him again.

#Rhink #rhink fic #my writing #jonesy84 #thank you so much for the prompt Lovely!

[issaxcharlie]

If you could only know I never let you go

Pairing: Ghost! Luke x Ghost! Fem reader

Summary: Y/N lost her life the same day as her best friends and her boyfriend, wandering for 25 years finally finds them again doing the concert they never had a chance to do, just to find out they are dying all over again and she just doesn't know how to react.

She couldn't believe what she was seeing. 25 years wandering around this city, looking for him. And now here it was, shining on stage just like the last time she saw him. Flashbacks from that last night flooding her head.

She couldn't help feeling strange seeing the way the love of her life was looking at someone else, but on the other hand, seeing the three of them again, happy and doing what they love the most in the world, made her feel blissful.

Their number ended and her best friends disappeared from the stage. At that moment the young ghost decided that her best move would be to follow the beautiful singer who accompanied them, Julie.

She couldn't believe it when she saw the place they came to. For years she visited this garage day after day hoping to meet her beloved band, but after 10 years she decided to give up. Y/N didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the irony of the situation, but as soon as she appeared in the studio she decided that the best option would be crying.

The three of them lying on the ground, suffering, in so much pain, without strength. Julie crying at their side begging them to do something about it.

“You dorks can't even stay ghosts? You are definitely a lost case."

Julie turns to see her surprised, her face is full of tears and she squeezes Luke's hand hard as she strokes Reggie's hair. Reggie and Alex try to turn their heads towards their friend's voice, while Luke keeps her eyes closed.

"I have Y/N’s voice in my head just like the first time we died, I guess it’s time to say goodbye, boys."

“You are not dying on me again Luke Patterson, not freaking way.” Luke snaps his eyes open when he hears her voice for the second time and she teleports to his side.

“This is actually happening?” He asks while using the little strength he has left to caress her cheek.

"That's the same thing I thought when I heard you guys singing pop-rock." The three ghosts let out a painful laugh, touching their chest in a gesture of pain, with the exception of the guitarist who endured it so as not to stop touching the woman in front of him.

"What a pleasure to know that even after death and that your best friends and your boyfriend are about to disappear you continue to maintain your horrible sense of humor." Alex comments with a slight smile.

“You are not going to disappear. I’ve been waiting for you for 25 years, I’m getting the feeling that you are running away from me." All three know that joking is a defense mechanism that she activates when she's scared. Y/N tries to be calm but she’s shaking and tears are falling one after another from her face.

“I'm so happy that I got to see you one last time, firecracker." She reaches him desperately trying to hold on to the love of her life, and he uses the strenght he has left to hug her one last time.

But the unexpected hits them again, and a bright yellow light envelops him as he regains his strength. The others quickly approach and the five form a messy hug. When they break the hug the three ghosts look much stronger and in better condition, even smiling between tears.

"I leave you alone for 25 years and you manage to find a way to lose your soul forever, I will never underestimate your power to get into trouble again."

"I thought we had shown you how capable we are in that department, Y/N." Reggie replies while hugging his friend.

"Julie, Y/N is our best friend, composer of half the songs and Luke's personal headache."

"Hey! I thought that were you guys! But it’s a pleasure to meet you, Julie."

The singer hugs the new ghost and smiles, looking relieved to have her friends better thanks to her.

“Aren’t you gonna say something?” Y/N asks Luke, that only looks at her in silence.

“You look just like I remember you. how much time passed from our death to yours?” he manages to ask almost in a whisper, as if hoping she wouldn't hear him to not hear the sad answer.

“Same night. Let's say driving after you found out your boyfriend and friends died is a terrible idea.”

“Oh god, Y/N.” Alex hugs her and looks at his friends in silence.

“I thought you were somewhere in this city with a house, a husband, even children. It seems impossible that you are in front of me right now."

“What can I say? Lifers are no longer my type, and none of the rockstar ghosts I ran into rock sleeveless shirts like you.”

He chuckles while blushing, finally coming to terms with the idea that his person was actually in front of him, looking just as precious as 25 years ago, even though for him it had only been a few weeks since he last saw her.

All these time he had been blocking his memories of the young composer, but now that she was next to him he had the luxury of remembering one.

1995

"Can you explain why you have been running away from me? I thought we were stronger than this, if there is something that bothers you, just tell me Lucas, I’m a big girl."

The guitarist couldn’t help but smile at the grand entrance of his girlfriend. Y/N has always had a pretty chilling personality but at the same time she was as explosive as him, sometimes even more.

“First of all, Lucas, really?” The girl lets out a small laugh when she sees her boyfriend's expression, and her body looks visibly more relaxed.

“Second of all, I’m sorry beautiful. It's not that I'm running away from you." She rolls her eyes.

“I’m just... embarrased. I’m not in a good moment right know, and even some fries are out of my possibilities. It makes me angry that I can't give you anything you deserve.”

The young woman's strong and joking personality fades and her face only shows concern. She takes her boyfriend's face carefully and brings his face close to hers, their lips almost touching.

“All I want is to spend time with you. Nothing makes me happier than when you wink at me in the middle of a performance, or when you sing softly in my ear to help me fall asleep. You are the only thing I've ever wanted.”

At that moment Luke takes her by the waist to bring her even closer to him and finally close the small space that remained between them, savoring the lips of the woman who from the day he met knew was going to be his biggest addiction.

"Also, when you are the legend I know you will be, we’ll be able to buy all the fries in the world." He laughed in her lips and kiss her harder.

From the moment he met her when they were 12 years old, Y/N was the one who always kept him on his feet, trusting blindly and faithfully in Sunset Curve, sometimes even more than the 3 boys. That strength, humor and energy was what made Luke's life happier despite going through unpleasant moments. And now here she was, picking them up once more, 25 years later.

2020

Luke returned his attention to his friends just in time to intervene.

“Reggie, please tell me you are doing that country song!” His girlfriend was not only supportive with him, but also with his best friends who loved her as much as him.

“Not happening firecracker, stop encouraging him.” He said putting his hand around her waist and bringing her closer to him.

“What? I heard you sing pop, Luke. I’m pretty sure the kid can sing country If he wants to.”

“Preach it!” Said Julie with a smile while Reggie started laughing.

“Buuurneeeed” Alex replied giving his friend a high five.

“And what’s up with the suits? Not that I’m complaining, you look hot popstar.” She asks teasingly, giving her boyfriend a cheeky wink.

“That’s it Y/L.” Luke teletransported with his girlfriend, appearing back at the roof of the Orpheum.

They both stared for a few seconds until a smile invaded their faces.

"I know I didn't act like a normal girlfriend in there, just, it's hard to pretend you're okay after such a shock." The guitarist rests his forehead on his girl's, gently stroking her hair in an attempt to calm her down.

"I knew you needed to breathe , and I've never expected you to act like a normal girlfriend anyway. You weren't even a normal friend." He replies, her laugh does the trick and calms him down instantly.

“Luke?” Y/N asks brushing his lips with the corner of hers.

“Yeah?” He replies, hypnotized by the woman of his life and now death.

“Kiss me.” Luke didn’t know that even in death you can feel more alive than ever with the right person, but now he was ready to do it every day of his afterlife. The firecracker and the ROCKstar(as he claimed) were together again, and nothing is going to separe them this time.

Add yourself to taglist HERE

#jatp imagine #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson x y/n #luke patterson imagine #luke patterson oneshot #luke x reader #jatp fanfic #jatp fanfiction #luke patterson fanfiction #luke patterson fic

[because-of-a-friend]

Boyfriend!Seungcheol Fluff

Thanks for the requests and compliments anons and @seungcheoluwu​ !!! Y’all are all too sweet! I really hope you guys like this one! Remember everyone, this is a series I only do by request, so if I’m missing someone you want, just request it! I already have Seungkwan and DK requested so those will be out soon!

MASTERLIST

Seungcheol | Jeonghan | Joshua | Jun | Hoshi | Wonwoo | Woozi | DK | Mingyu | Minghao | Seungkwan | Vernon | Dino 

Honestly

Between being a trainee

Debuting in a kpop group

Having the responsibilities of a leader

And always being mostly concerned with keeping the other boys safe and happy

Coups doesn’t really ever think about dating

His life is just a whirlwind of responsibilities that never really seems to end

Anytime the thought crosses his mind, he just reminds himself that he doesn’t really have the time

As the leader, everything falls back on him so keeps any other distractions outside of Seventeen minimal so the other boys can always depend on him no matter when or where it is 

But lately

He feels like he’s been able to breathe easier

Seventeen is successful 

All the boys have grown and are so responsible and able to handle most things on their own 

So Coups is slowly having some responsibilities lifted from his shoulders

And one day he realizes that the idea of dating doesn’t seem so impossible anymore

But who would he even date?

He’s pushed that idea so far out of his head that he hasn’t even considered whether he would date anyone around him 

He’s embarrassed to admit it, but there’s a part of him that’s really shy about things like that so he doesn’t even know if he has it in him to go out and date

And there’s another part of him that he’s even more embarrassed of that really wants a magical love story, a spark

He just doesn’t feel like he has that with anyone near him

And then one day, he runs into you

“Oh my god, Seungcheol?”

He sighs, expecting a fan, readying himself to be bright and sociable 

But he knows you

The two of you went to school together years ago

“[Y/N]?”

“Seungcheol, it is you! This is so great!” 

You exclaim and then pull him into a hug

He happily returns it, feeling a familiar warmth from seeing someone from his past

“This is insane, I honestly didn’t think I was ever going to see you again!” 

“Oh yeah” he looks down awkwardly. “I’ve been busy...”

“Well yeah, you’re only the leader of one of the biggest kpop groups out there!”

He knows that, of course he does

He’s worked long and hard to be S.Coups of Seventeen

But when you say it, he feels shy for some reason 

“Oh yeah... I guess”

You laugh happily 

“Hey, we have to catch up sometime! When are you free?”

Seungcheol rattles off his schedule for the next week

You find a free spot that you share, grab his number, and make the plans

It’s lunch at a restaurant you had never been to before

You sit awkwardly at the table you grabbed and wait anxiously for Cheol to show up

When he does run in, he stops at the entrance to look for you

When he spots you, he pauses, taking time to straighten out his clothes and brush out his hair

He clears his throat and then calls to you

You feel relief fill your veins when your eyes land on Cheol

You wave at him, a grin spread across your face

He rushes over to plop down in the seat across from you

Once you two catch up on what’s been going on, there’s a bit of a silence

He’s worried that that’s it

You two just had those few good moments and now you won’t have anything to talk about anymore

But then you bring up a story from your school days

“Remember that time, Minhyuk was rushing to get to class, but he wanted something to drink first...”

“And his hand got stuck in the vending machine???”

“Yes!”

You both laugh and bring up more memories and laugh more

It eventually opens up more conversation 

And soon speech just flows easily between you two 

Then Seungcheol looks down at his phone and realizes you two have been sitting there for hours

And to him that’s the sign

There’s a spark

“Hey, [Y/N], do you maybe want to get dinner sometime?”

“Are you asking me on a date Choi Seungcheol?”

“Yes, how about it?”

“I think I’d like that very much”

Dating Seungcheol is easy

He makes it easy

He’s attentive and caring and selfless and mature

He’s a cookie-cutter perfect boyfriend

You’re spoiled as hell

Cheol loves deeply and fully and that love spills out in every way imaginable

He spends even more time on his schedule so he knows he can always make time for you

He’s always affectionate and it’s always in the ways that make you feel the most safe and loved and comforted

I mean, it’s hard not to when sitting in his strong arms

And he treats you so tenderly

Hand holding always includes soft strokes of his thumb up and down your skin

Hugs are tight and long and include sweet whispers 

Cuddling is always comfy

He loves random unconventional affection, like tapping his head against yours, brushing your noses together, plucking your chin

Kisses are always either sweet pecks on your nose, forehead, cheeks and lips

Or slow, deep, sensual kisses 

He takes affection pretty seriously since it’s one of the ways he shows he loves you

Sometimes you wonder why he’s so good to you

Or why your relationship feels so... big

Like seriously it feels like something so incredible and beautiful

One night, Cheol is walking you home and you voice your thoughts out loud

He laughs 

“Are you seriously having thoughts like that because you have a good boyfriend?”

You pout

“Seriously, Cheol, I’m just asking, why are you so good to me?”

He shrugs “Cuz I’m dating you?”

“I know that but... I don’t know”

He smiles and pulls something out of his pocket before handing it to you

“Because you’re special and you deserve it” 

You look down at what he handed you and your heart stops

It’s a little paper flower

Your mind gets taken back to high school

It was an overnight school trip 

Seungcheol had actually been able to come on that one, which was rare due to his schedule when he was a trainee

So everyone was excited to have him come along, the whole class celebrated for him to actually be able to come on the trip

You wanted to be excited too in order to be a good classmate

But 

You’d been having a rough week

Things went wrong with friends, family, grades

So you were kind of off the whole trip

You can’t even sleep

So you get up in the middle of the night and sneak out and walk around outside

It’s really pretty 

There’s a forest and a river

The stars are clear

You sit on the bank of the river and watch the stars sparkle in the reflection of the water

You jump when you hear someone walking behind you

“Hello? Is someone there?”

You can hear your voice shaking, and you feel dumb

“Relax, [Y/N], it’s just me!” Cheol’s bright voice sounds out from the darkness behind you

“Oh, hi Seungcheol, what are you doing out here?”

“I just went to use the bathroom. What about you? Why are you out here?”

“Couldn’t sleep”

You shrug and turn back to the river, embarrassed at the feeling of tears filling your eyes

Cheol’s shoulder brushes against yours as he sits next to you

“Wow, the view of this river is something else, can’t get this back home”

You shake your head to try and disguise your gesture of wiping tears off your face with your sweatshirt sleeves

There’s a moment of silence

“You don’t have to be embarrassed of crying, [Y/N]”

You freeze at his words

“Sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable, it’s just that... you’re not very good at hiding it”

You laugh a little despite the fact that tears are now pouring out of your eyes

“You wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t wanna burden you Seungcheol”

“It won’t be a burden, [Y/N], I promise”

So you let it all out

You tell him everything that was bothering you

And he listens silently as he folds a piece of paper

Once you’re done talking, he lets you cry it out

“I’m not really good at the whole advice thing sometimes, I’m not sure what to say to help you best”

He grabs your hands and and places the paper in them

“But I will tell you this: I know you’re a strong person and even if you feel like you can’t take it, you can lean on me for help!”

“When did you learn to do this Seungcheol?”

You stare at the paper he’s folded into a flower 

“Oh I can’t remember, I just do it sometimes”

You look up at him

He laughs a little at your expression and leans forward to wipe the rest of your tears off your face

“Why are you doing this, Seungcheol?”

“Doing what?”

“Being so... nice to me. We’re not really friends... I mean, it’s just... we’ve never been super close”

Cheol grins at you

“Because you’re special and you deserve it”

When your mind comes back to the present

You look up to see that Cheol has walked a few paces ahead of you

“You kept this from all the way back in high school? I thought I had lost it”

“You did,” Cheol laughs. “You dropped it on the trail back to the cabins, I snatched it up afterwards”

You stare at the flower, admiring how it’s held its shape all these years

You feel tears start to well up in your eyes

You quickly deflect by making a joke

“So Choi Seungcheol has been harboring a huge crush on an old classmate this whole time”

He shakes his head and grins at you, grabbing your hand to continue your walk

After that, Cheol is your whole world

You feel childish but you believe y’all were fated to be together

You put in the effort to spoil him as much as he does for you

You know he has a lot of pressure with being a leader

So you become a safe haven for him to rant out his problems

And you always do little stress relievers for him: back rubs, spa nights, tv binges with tons of junk food

You buy him little accessories and in-ears for him to use on stage

Sometimes you cook dinner for the boys so they don’t have to worry about it

The other members fawn over you constantly 

You and Cheol develop this ridiculous sense of humor that only the two of you get

You’re just a couple of nerds together

Whenever you’re at events together, he always has his arm around you

When you attend their concerts, he always greets you by running up, wrapping his arms around your waist, spinning you around and pecking your lips

Like I said, your relationship is easy

The two of you just click well

It’s a long time in the making but it’s a beautiful romance that is so worth it

#seventeen #svt #scoups #scoups imagines #scoups scenarios #scoups fluff #seungcheol imagines #seungcheol scenarios #seungcheol fluff #seventeen texts #seventeen snaps #seventeen reactions #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fluff #svt texts #svt snaps #svt reactions #svt imagines #svt scenarios #svt fluff #seungcheol #choi seungcheol #choi seungcheol imagines #choi seungcheol scenarios #choi seungcheol fluff

[sweetsubharry]

hi! can you give me your hottest, dirtiest, filthiest bottom harry fics?

Hiya!! Yes I can! ^-^

Now there are 41 different fics under this list, so it’s quite long! Obviously what people find dirty/filthy can be a large range, so if you ever want to narrow it down just send another message like ‘no plot’ for example :) and then I can make it more suited to your taste if this one isn’t! I hope you enjoy this though love ❤

In case no one gets to the bottom of the page I’ll say it again here too! Please make sure to stay safe and read the tags!! ❤ ❤

you're my favorite ride by louislovesharry

no summary 

At Least As Deep As the Pacific Ocean (I wanna be yours) by babylouis

Louis can’t help but stop and watch him for a moment, how beautiful he looks, sprawled out on the bed, his cock red and hard against his tummy, collar snug against his neck and the bow still placed neatly in his curls to keep them back from Harry’s face.

His boy may be the most beautiful creature on the planet.

Especially tied up like this, body begging to be fucked. Begging to be destoryed.

or

Louis likes to push boundaries, and Harry takes what he gets. Lots of subspace Harry and fonding Louis ensues.

redder than the devil by mercutionotromeo

It's half past 9, and all Harry wants is for Louis to touch him. Preferably after a good spanking.

If you combine a lazy Saturday afternoon with a distracting, pouty Harry, you'll end up with Louis spanking his baby over his knee in the middle of a paused FIFA match.

Pretty please, take care of me ? by kurtcobain

Louis is stressed. Harry wants to help.

Step into the Light by Smolbeanandhisqween

Harry is on the set of his new music video "Lights Up". His husband, Louis, is watching him film the video. He gets jealous of all of the people touching Harry and teaches him a lesson.

Destroy Me, King by stylinsexualxo

After SNL, jealous Louis has a little surprise for Harry when he arrives home.

Can We Pretend (honestly reality bores me) by SadaVeniren

He felt Louis chuckle. “Dreaming of being my supportive, no-name boyfriend again?”

“Always,” Harry whispered. It was true. After all this time together there was no point in hiding any of his fantasies from Louis, no matter how innocent they were. So Louis was well aware of Harry’s desire to be anonymous sometimes - the “no-name” as Louis called him - loyal, a constant presence at Louis’ side.

aka Harry comes and supports Louis at his Scala concert

Let Me Be Good For You by onlyhuman for haroldtbh

His distress over the bun is nothing compared to the thrill Louis feels shoot up his spine at the outfit Harry’s donned. He’s changed into leather jeans that cling to his legs, hugging his thighs snugly. On top of it, a floaty, black sheer shirt is contouring his frame, doing absolutely nothing to hide his puffy nipples or the endless array of tattoos scattered across his torso. It’s Louis’ favourite outfit in the entire world.

Or, Niall's only birthday wish is to go clubbing with his boys in Vegas. Harry ruins it all by wearing that god forsaken black sheer shirt.

You Like Playing Games by orphan_account

Louis knows Harry likes to flirt and tease. Louis knows that he doesn’t particularly like when Harry flirts and teases. Louis knows that Harry knows that Louis doesn’t particularly like it.

But what Louis doesn’t quite know is why, despite that, Harry’s decided to grind against 5 Seconds of Summer’s Luke Hemmings during “Teenage Dirtbag” in the last show in Melbourne.

Basically pure smut.

Do Not Disturb (kiss me beneath the milky twilight) by SadaVeniren

“I was talking with Nick a couple months back and he was saying how our sex life seemed boring and we’d need to keep doing new and interesting things to keep it exciting or else we’d become boring and heterosexual and I defended us of course but then work picked up and we started living off of studio handjobs and missionary position sex in the dark and so I panicked. I googled BDSM and after looking into it I really want to try some of it because I think we’d enjoy it but we just don’t have the time.”

aka Harry doesn't want to become a boring old married couple a year into their relationship and tries to spice up their sex life.

Forgetting Frisco by iwillpaintasongforlou

Harry probably knew when he decided to wear that goddamn sheer shirt onstage in Toronto that it was going to drive Louis absolutely insane with want. He probably didn't know that Louis was going to proceed to fuck him so good he had flashbacks for years to come just like Frisco, but then again, you won't hear him complaining.

(Basically 6k of Louis worshipping Harry's body and doing it all in front of a mirror so Harry can worship, too.)

Mon Petit by coffinofachimera

Harry wears the 'Mon Petit' sweater while Louis records them on their private 

falling for you, i can't keep away by hegotthedagger plane

Harry wants Louis really bad and Louis might want him just as much.

Always In My Heart by sweaterpawstyles

The tweet itself was not startling at all. Harry saw people retweet it nearly every day for years now. It always made him smile to see how many people had retweeting Louis showing his love for Harry on that day.

What was startling was underneath where the fan had retweeted it, Harry saw the small number 1M written on it.

Harry froze, completely unable to move anything in his body. He knew Louis had the second most retweeted tweet of all time, but it reached a million retweets. One million people believed in Louis' love for Harry. Or AIMH hits 1 million & facetime sex ensues

You and Me by louisgrindsonharry

Harry and Louis have dabbled in the idea of BDSM but Harry finally wants to take it farther and Louis has to figure out how to take care of his boy.

they shake, you conquer (and I'm left to their devices) by butidontreallycare

smut. a little love for Harry's thighs, but mostly just smut. I am not ashamed

Daddy Came Home by RuinedBy5Guys

“You got yourself off.” He says quietly, his eyes locked on Harry’s. Harry’s face flushes and he tries to cover it, shoving himself towards Louis. He drops to his knees, leaning close between his husbands spread thighs. He puts his hands on his dress pants, carefully feeling the material at his knees.

“How did you know?” He asks quietly. Louis drops his face, grabbing over Harry’s hands with his own. Harry lowers his gaze, staring at the carpet underneath him.

“You were asleep. You always get tired after an orgasm. Not to mention how flushed you are.” He says quietly, raking his eyes over Harry’s body. Harry glances up at him, his actions becoming more clear to him now that Louis was home.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, dropping his eyes again.

“What was that?” Louis snaps, reaching to bring Harry’s face up again. Harry gulps, shuffling closer on his knees, the joints aching already.

“I’m sorry, Daddy.” Harry says, his green eyes locked on Louis’ blue ones. Louis smiles slightly, stroking his fingers over his husbands cheeks softly.

“Just gonna have to spank you now, aren’t I?”

OR... Harry teases and Daddy punishes him in the best ways possible

take me into your loving arms by blankiehxrry

twas the night of the brit awards

I Wanna Do What Bunnies Do With You by MoreThanTonight

“Lou.. Not here?” Harry pulled off with a gasp. “There are people in the next room. What if they hear us?“

“Then I guess you’ll just have to be quiet, won’t you, love?” Louis winked.

It's Harry's birthday and Louis wants to make it a birthday he won't forget. Louis is an art student, Harry is his boyfriend and muse.

if they find out, will it all go wrong? by blankiehxrry

madison square garden shenanigans

Happy Birthday by sleepingalone

“You wanna use that right now?” he asked incredulously, wondering how horny Louis must be. They had just fucked a few hours ago, before falling asleep. Surely he didn’t want to use it already.

“You said we had to wait till my birthday, and it’s my birthday,” Louis said cheekily, throwing Harry a small grin. Harry groaned into the pillow, burying his head in it.

“But I’m tired, Lou. I need my beauty rest.”

“I already undid the packaging,” Louis whined. “Please, can we just do it real quick? It would really make my day. My birthday,” he added. “You can go to sleep afterwards, Sleeping Beauty.”

or

Louis just really wants to use his new vibrating butt plug on Harry and turn him into a broken mess.

I Knew Right From the Beginning That You Would End Up Winning by aalexandravictoriaa

"I remember the first day I met you," Louis says, using his thumbs to make Harry open up to him even more. "I remember wanting to take you right there on the fucking street. I wanted to bend you over and bury myself in you over and over again. I couldn't then, but I'm going to now, baby. First with my tongue, then with my cock."

OR

Harry is Louis' favorite camboy and Louis becomes his Daddy.

In Motion by FictitiousFanatisch (orphan_account)

They'd only talked about it once a few weeks ago. Harry always liked it when Louis was in control and he said there was something about being denied constantly that made him even more turned on.

or

It's a lazy day and Harry wants Louis to edge him. (That's literally it.)

I'm Gonna Love You (Until You Hate me) by sweaterpawstyles

As if reading his mind, Louis glanced over his glasses at Harry, presumably because Harry didn't reply to his statement earlier.

"I decided to get my glasses out again," he chuckled, winking at Harry. "Do you like them?"

Harry felt his face heat up. No, he didn't just like them. He fucking loved them and wanted to ride Louis and call him daddy while he wore them. But he didn't want to just tell Louis this.

Or

Louis wears glasses and Harry doesn't like to be teased

I have often prayed for an angel by orphan_account

“Daddy,” he whines, voice already growing high in pitch. “Can I? Please?” “Of course angel,” Louis whispers fondly, hand tangling in Harry’s hair as he brushes it back. He loves Harry’s long strands, maybe even more than Harry does himself. “You look so beautiful on your knees like that, so eager to suck my cock.” “Mhm,” Harry hums, already licking at Louis’ slit. He begins to suckle softly at the head, peering up at Louis with wide eyes. The angel wings stretch on either side of him, and it’s so obscene, how filthy the act they’re doing is in contrast to the white feathers adorning Harry’s back. “Love your cock Daddy.” Or, the one in which Louis fucks Harry in the VS wings after he wears them onstage.

down and dirty, you're loving me so loud by orphan_account

Harry's finally twenty and there's a few things he wants.

feels so good getting what i want. by stylescantstop

Harry is a slutty yoga teacher with his sights set on Louis and Louis wants to pull that long hair of his while he fucks him really hard from behind.

Empyrean, You Fool by becauseitrhymes

Louis only realized it was actually happening once the reality of getting to carry boxes to his new flat settled in. He’d moved out of his parent’s just two days prior, with a stomach full of butterflies and no knowledge of how to do anything remotely adult, like, at all.

He’s only twenty-three years old, too, and he thinks he’s done pretty well for such a young age, considering he’s bought a flat with his money and had driven his car to get there and hadn’t cried (much) when leaving his parents. All in all, Louis thinks it’s pretty cool.

And then he’s sitting on his couch watching football in his lounge in his flat and hell yeah, it’s pretty cool.

AU where Louis moves next door to Harry, Louis falls in love with Harry, sex ensues.

Love Me Like You Do by sweaterpawstyles

Of all of the things Louis had imagined, never did he expect to become a chief editor for a magazine and to date the world-famous model Harry Styles. But he certainly never imagined one day that he would be anxiously awaiting a phone call from the top floor of an office building to tell the Harry Styles to get himself dolled up and ready to wait for his Daddy to come home before he got fucked into the mattress.

Or

Harry is a famous model and Louis is a quiet writer who may or may not be his Dom

A Hard Day's Work by louisruinedlife (orphan_account)

A bad day at work for Harry usually means turning in early. A bad day at work for Louis leads to something else entirely.

*Can be read as a stand alone.

the big idea by orphan_account

University students Harry and Zayn are filming a prank for YouTube that requires Harry to walk around campus asking random men if he could suck their dick. One of the guys, Louis, who agrees to such offer is too attractive for Harry to pass down.

He doesn't think its much of a prank anymore after that.

throw me in the deep end, watch me drown by orphan_account

“That's why you were late, eh?” he teases as Harry frantically tries to hide the dildos and the collar in the drawer. “Having too much fun to think about good ole Louis?”

“You were having fun too,” Harry replies weakly. Louis honestly has never seen a person be in such a shade of red.

“Yeah, but my fun didn't involve colourful dildos and nipple clamps.”

or the one where louis really needs to pass his a-levels and harry is his tutor who doesn’t really own a dog.

Give It To Me (I'm Worth It) by sweaterpawstyles

"Who the hell puts lube packets in their sock?"

"A boy who wanted to get fucked in the locker room by his daddy," Harry said innocently. "I have my good intentions, Lou."

or

Louis can't resist Harry in the red shorts that he wore during the James Corden skit. Featuring locker room sex.

don't let nobody touch it (unless that somebody's me) by stylescantstop

written for this prompt:

"louis knows Harry gets handsy when he's drunk, but that doesn't stop him from showing harry who he belongs to."

or the one where harry dances with other men and a jealous louis reminds him he's the only one who can make him come completely apart.

causing trouble up in hotel rooms (baby, I'm perfect) by felixandtae

A fan threw a Green Bay Packers crop top on stage and Harry kept it. We all know what happened after that.

sweet like cinnamon by brainwaves for SuburbanWarrior

It all started with bumping into Louis at Gemma’s mate’s wedding. Well, maybe it really started with Harry making heart eyes at the boy in jersey number 17 all those years ago. Now all he can think about is getting into Louis’ pants and maybe staying there for a really, really long time.

Or the one where Harry calls Louis daddy and it all spirals out of control from there.

Fulfilling Your Needs by unmeshed

“You want to be messy, baby? Filled with Daddy’s come? So much that you can barely hold it all in?"

Harry nods softly and Louis leans in to kiss him on the lips with a smile. “Want Daddy to plug you up after? Keep it inside of you all day?"

“Lou,” Harry whines, softly rubbing himself against his boyfriend, biting down on Louis’ bottom lip before he deepens the kiss, sneaking his tongue inside.

Louis’ll be damned if he can’t make Harry’s dreams come true.

or

Louis buys Harry an ejaculating dildo because Harry wants to feel full.

Like a Kitten by peaceloveandlarry

"Erm, I, uh, well, I think... I think you're really pretty, and I, um, I want to fuck you- I mean! Oh god. I- I want to go out? Yea! I want to go out."

Or Harry likes to wear kitten ears, and Louis happens to think Harry looks nice with them.

into another serotonin overflow by mercutionotromeo

Harry's the yearbook photographer who's been assigned to take pictures of Louis, the new captain of the football team. Harry's got a massive, obvious crush on Louis and somehow, Louis feels the same way.

Sweet first time sex wherein Harry's adorably awkward, Louis is achingly cool, and Harry rides Louis wearing his jersey.

need a little sweetness in my life by mercutionotromeo

Harry's always liked feeling desperate and small when Louis touches him, but when he sucks Harry off...it’s fucking otherworldly. Desperate’s not really the word at that point - it’s helpless. Like… like the fucking world could stop spinning and Harry wouldn’t be able to do anything about it until Louis finished him off with his lips and his tongue.

Or, Harry and Louis go to university together. Harry really likes it when Louis sucks him off, and Louis really likes it when Harry calls him Daddy.

(Sequel to "into another serotonin overflow")

Cheeky Princess by Noelle1224

Harry and panties. What more is there to explain?

I'm Tired Of Using Technology, I Need You Right In Front Of Me by Phillipa19

Louis goes away on yet another business trip, but when he stops calling Harry to check in, Harry decides to take matters into his own hands.

OR- Louis is Harry's sugardaddy who has gone away on business and Harry feels neglected. Louis is possessive and gets a camera installed in their bedroom so he can check up on Harry, so Harry decides to use the camera to his advantage.

Got A Lot You Wanna Show Off Baby by Phillipa19

Louis had been in meetings all day, he should have known that Harry wouldn't be ignored for much longer.

-OR-

Louis is Harry's sugardaddy and his younger boyfriend is definitely not happy being ignored whilst Louis holds meetings in his home office. There may also be Harry in lacy knickers involved.

As always please make sure to stay safe and read the tags!! ❤ ❤

#Larry Stylinson #fic rec #fanfiction #fanfic #larry fanfiction #larry stylinson fanfiction #larry fic #larry fic rec #larry fanfic rec #larry stylinson fic rec #bottom harry #top louis #sub harry #dom louis #smut #I'm probably going to hell for some of these #ask lots #Lottie fic rec

[homeformyheart]

threats - mason x f!detective (twc)

day 27 – crush

author’s note: oh, i was so excited for this idea when it popped into my head. i thank @quietsphere and @withbeautyandrage for the inspiration and support for our resident bad girl ria. enjoy!

copyright: all characters, except my oc detective, are owned by mishka jenkins @seraphinitegames. series/pairing: the wayhaven chronicles – mason x f!detective (ria knight) rating/warnings: 16+; swearing, hints of violent threats word count: 1.2k based on/prompt: day 27 – crush from #28dateswithunitbravo challenge by @wayhavenmonthly summary: mason witnesses a darker side to ria as she deals with bobby fucking marks.

threats

ria flexed her fingers in and out of a fist under her crossed arms as she glared at bobby fucking marks. he was currently leaning against her file cabinets, droning on about his latest article and the attention it received. bobby didn’t seem to notice as she pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration, wishing that she wasn’t on duty. at least as a civilian, she could try to put bobby in his place.

she remembered the lecture she received from both the mayor and the captain a few weeks ago, one of the few times she could recall that they were in agreement. all thanks to bobby asshole extraordinaire marks.

apparently, bobby had convinced both the mayor and captain that he’d consider going public with a story that ria had threatened him, however exaggerated it might have been, if he wasn’t shown more “respect” by the police department.

what ria wouldn’t do to be able to beat the living shit out of him.

he was probably the only person, aside from tina, who wasn’t intimidated by her. they had too much shared history, he knew too much of ria’s secrets, and he understood how to twist the proverbial knife in her stomach before it was even in her body. she was almost helpless against him.

and he loved reminding her of that.

she crossed her arms again, tucking one hand inside her leather jacket and wrapping it around the hilt of the dagger that she found in a box of her dad’s things in the attic and kept on her person at all times. her thumb stroked the intricate design carved into the hilt, an antique etching originating from a time beyond her knowledge but comforting all the same.

“bobby, if that’s all you needed to say, i really need to get to work,” she interrupted curtly, brushing past him.

“but angel, we haven’t talked about the real issues yet. like what is the police station’s stance on the recent uptick in strange sightings?” bobby asked slyly, trailing after ria as she exited the station.

she walked a few steps away from the square, towards where she knew mason was waiting for her in the shadow of the trees bordering the station, hoping bobby would get the point and leave on his own.

“the station does not comment on any investigations or reported happenings. you know that, bobby. now i have somewhere to be,” she said, mustering every last ounce of professionalism she had. which wasn’t even much to begin with.

she could see mason’s dark silhouette as she approached the trees and was taken aback by the sense of relief in her chest. her brow furrowed in confusion as she looked at him, his smirk sending a warm shiver down her spine and eliciting a rare smile from her.

mason settled on ria’s smile, one that he knew was rare and therefore precious, something he should treasure and appreciate, especially when it’s directed at him, before shifting his gaze up and behind her to the sandy-blonde reporter at her back.

a low growl caught in his throat at the sight, not because bobby posed any real physical threat to ria – she was more than capable of handling herself after all – but because he could sense that she was upset and rattled. he can tell her hands are shaking, fists punching the inside of her jacket pockets.

it had something to do with this reporter, who somehow has a hold on her that he doesn’t understand, and the thought made his skin prickle and hair stand on end.

bobby placed a hand on her shoulder and ria whirled around angrily.

“don’t touch me,” she growled through clenched teeth.

“come on angel, don’t be like that. you know i only want what’s best for you,” bobby purred, undeterred by ria’s angry glare and stepping closer into her personal space.

mason was at her back in three strides and she didn’t have to turn around to know. she could feel him behind her, not close enough where his breath will lightly catch in her hair, but enough to reassure her that he’s got her back.

“call me that one more time and you’ll regret it,” she seethed, absolutely loathing herself and him for the way he can still get under her skin.

“i think you’ll be the one to regret it when the mayor and captain find out how uncooperative their darling detective has been, don’t you?” bobby smirked. “but if you behave like a good little girl, maybe you’ll be in for a little treat later.”

that was all it took. he knew ria hated anything that sounded patronizing since she made a concerted effort to be the opposite of a “good little girl” for most of her life. it started as a rebellious ploy for attention from an absentee mother and evolved into an effective way of shutting out the world and protecting herself. especially after bobby fucking marks tore through her like a chainsaw.

she shoved bobby, hard, so that he stumbled a few feet backward, before reaching into her pocket and curling her fingers around her swiss army knife. she quickly closed the gap between them and grabbed bobby’s jacket with her left hand, drawing the knife from her pocket and resting it underneath the flap of his shirt collar, making sure the jacket blocked her hands from view.

to any passing bystanders, it would look like she was about to kiss him deeply.

mason knew he’d be able to hear, see, and smell everything that could happen in the next few minutes. but he’d try his hardest not to out of respect for her.

“you’d better fucking stay away from me and don’t ever mention anything from our history together to anyone, not even me. you got that?” ria said quietly, malice lacing every single word.

“or what? you act tough but we both know you’re too much of a girl to do anything about it. at the end of the day, you’re just a weak little girl who has to follow captain’s orders,” bobby smirked, although fear briefly flickered in his eyes.

ria’s eyes narrowed and she moved the edge of the knife to his top most button, slicing through the collar and the button in one smooth motion, so that only the two of them could hear the fabric and string ripping softly.

“do you really want to find out?” she asked quietly, her eyes going cold.

“you can’t threaten me like that, i’m a member of the press and you’re a police officer,” he tried to argue, but his arrogant demeanor from before had faded quickly.

“it’s your word against mine, and i have a witness to back me up,” she smirked, nodding over to where mason was standing a few feet away with his arms crossed. “let’s say it was... ‘self-defense’.”

bobby gulped nervously and he took a step back. “i’ll leave you alone,” he mumbled, before turning and nearly running away.

mason’s eyebrow rose at the expression on bobby’s face, a sense of pride swelling in his chest as ria walked back to him, tucking the knife back into her pocket.

he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and leaned in to murmur in her ear, “that was pretty hot. i might have a crush on you.”

“good to know murder might be a turn on for you,” she smirked, wrapping her arm around his waist as they made their way back to her apartment.

* * * * * permatag: @kelseaaa; @kat-tia801; @anotherbeingsworld; @crackerdumortain; @pearlsandsteel; @gloynporslen; @vintage-vamp; @brooks-eden; @sosolenoo; @alyssalauren; @ambrosykim; @wayhavenots; @gingerbreton; @takemyopenheart​;

#28DWUB #mason x detective #the wayhaven chronicles #specialist agent mason #twc mason #agent m #twc #twc fic #detective ria knight #my writing #my detective #mason x ria #mason x ria knight #twc fanfic #twc fanfiction #my prompt fill #twc prompt fills #not choices #28dateswithunitbravo #day 27 #crush

[haven-raven012591]

Home Sick

Can you be home sick for a person as well as a place?

Taehyung X reader

Warning: fluff slight angst.

It wasn't anything she had said or did it was how she acted. When someone would mention the US part of the tour her eyes would light up and she'd lean in. That's when he noticed it the most. She had this tiredness about her and he knew what that meant. They walked the familiar street to their apartment just holding hands in comfortable silence. "Baby, if you want or need to go home it's ok." Taehyung said softly. She froze on the spot. He turned to her and smiled trying to reassure her. "I know you're home sick." Taehyung explained.

She sighed and hugged him close burying her head in his chest. "Tae, how'd you know?" Y/N mumbled. He laughed and stroked her hair. "I know you, Y/N and I know you miss your family." Taehyung explained. She looked into his eyes and saw the same sickness in his eyes. "You miss your family too." Y/N said. He nodded as they started walking again. "But mine are here in the same country, yours are half a world away." Taehyung said. He opened the door and she laughed as tannie ran to them.

She picked him up and held him close. "You are my family too." Y/N sighed. He shut the door and took his coat off. "Yes, and if you like we can come with you." Taehyung said. She looked at him in awe. "What?" Y/N breathed. "Well at least I can, tannie has to stay with grandma and grandpa." Taehyung laughed as he rubbed him. Her hair had fallen into her eyes as she put tannie down.

She almost jumped in surprise when Tae wrapped his long arms around her waist and nuzzled her back. As his forehead connected to her back she stopped crying. "You have to stay here your promotion isn't over." Y/N mumbled. "So you'll be there a head of me, when we have days off I'll be with you." Taehyung said. She turned in his embrace so she could see his eyes. He was dead serious about it, he would spend those days with her and exhaust himself more just for her.

In that moment new tears formed and something hit her like a ton of bricks. Taehyung saw the light in her eyes dim and then fade out completely. His hands came up and cupped her cheeks. "What's wrong baby, you're crying." Taehyung whispered. "It's always gonna be like this, me missing home and you...shit Tae you can't spend every off day with me you'll exhaust yourself!" Y/N said. Her voice shook as he thumbed away her tears. "I can if I want to." Taehyung said. She pulled away and walked to the other side of the kitchen. Her hands ran into her hair pulling it back. That was how he knew she was frustrated and truly upset.

"Taehyung, you can't do that you'll get hurt or sick, and that will make you upset with yourself because you can't do your best for army." Y/N said. He saw her put her hair up and her eyes looked strong. "Y/N, I love you and I want to spend time with you at your home, to see where you came from and love." Taehyung explained. "Fine but only when you're in my state, I'll be at both shows and then I'll take you home." Y/N said. "That's not fair!" Taehyung whined.

She went to him and kissed him softly framing his face with her hands. "We can face time, Skype and talk, I won't have you exhausted and in jeopardy." Y/N explained. He pulled her against his chest and she smiled. "I love you so much Y/N." Taehyung whispered. "I love you too Tae." Y/N sighed contently. He held her tightly and felt her relax into him. "I need to start cooking." Y/N said.

Tae pulled back and kissed her tenderly. His soft lips glided over hers. She shivered as he backed her up to the wall. As her back connected against the wall she gasped. His tongue thrust into her mouth caressing hers. His hands held her head up as the kiss deepened. Her fingers traveled into his silky black hair tangling in it.

His phone started ringing and she sighed as he pulled away answering it. "Worst timing ever Namjoon." Y/N breathed. She went into the kitchen and started pulling out things for dinner. As she closed the refrigerator door hands gripped her hips and lifted her up. It was so fast it left her head spinning. She was now on the island and he was between her legs kissing her again. His large hands ran over her thighs causing her to shiver. Her fingers buried deep into his hair pulled his head back. "Air." Y/N panted.

Taehyung laughed as she laid her forehead to his. "I know we just got home but we've been asked over to Namjoons." Taehyung said. "Why?" Y/N asked. He smirked and kissed her again. She ran her hands over his shoulders pushing him back sliding between him and the island. "Tae answer me." Y/N giggled. He shook his head and put the stuff back. She watched him grab tannie too. As they walked to the car he took her hand. She noticed his was shaking.

"Taehyung, baby what's wrong?" Y/N asked. He shook his head and brought her hand to his lips. They went to Namjoons and everyone was there. It was like a huge party and Y/N couldn't figure out what was going on. As they sat on the floor in the living room talking and laughing the boys were in the kitchen. "You sure?" Jimin asked. "Positive." Taehyung said. "Then let's go." Namjoon said.

The boys came back and Namjoon turned the TV to the right chanel. "Oh, duh." Y/N laughed. They all waited and as soon as it was announced everyone freaked out. "I can't believe it!" Y/N smiled hugging Tae. "I can't either." Taehyung whispered. They all ate and laughed more. As they drove back tannie fell asleep in her arms.

She sat in her childhood bedroom and smiled happy to be home but she already missed Taehyung. She called him and they talked about what they would do when he got there. She fell asleep on the phone with him not wanting to hang up. She had a blast being home with her family and going to see her friends. But as the days started to get closer to the concert she began to realize just how much she loved him.

"Y/N, you know that if you wanted to spend the rest of the US tour with him it would be ok." Mom said. "I came here to spend time with you and dad." Y/N said. Her mom smiled and put her arms around her. "You love him but I don't think you realized how much until you came home a few weeks ago." Mom said. "I uhmm, I thought being home sick was about you and dad and being home." Y/N murmured. "It can be a person too." Mom said. "You and I talk every day and Skype twice a week." Mom said.

Y/N looked at her mom and dad. "Your mom's right, you fell in love with Taehyung and didn't realize how much until now." Dad said. Y/N blushed and played with her necklace. The silence wasn't uncomfortable but it was way to quiet. "Baby girl, sometimes home isn't a place." Mom said. Just then there was a knock on the door and her dad got it. "Come in!" Her dad said happily.

Her mom's eyes lit up as Taehyung walked in behind her dad. "Who was..." Y/N trailed off. "Tae!" Y/N breathed and ran to him. He held her close stroking her hair. "I missed you too much to stay away anymore." Taehyung said. "I love you so much Tae!" Y/N said looking up. He brushed away her tears. "Then why are you crying?" Taehyung asked. "Because I'm really happy you're here." Y/N said. "I needed to come i have to talk to your parents." Taehyung said.

She looked at him in awe. "Tae." Y/N breathed. He kissed her long and slow holding her head between his hands. He laid his forehead to hers and she shivered. "I'll be in my room." Y/N whispered. He let her go and she went to her room. "What do you need?" Her mom asked smiling. "I would like your permission to marry Y/N." Taehyung said bowing. "I would love to have you as a son, Taehyung." Her dad said smiling. He bowed again and her dad put his hand on Taehyung's shoulder. "Thank you, sir I cannot tell you how much I love Y/N." Taehyung said.

@alternateafterthought ​ @demonslunacy ​ @scuzmunkie ​ @alexnine @dolphinpink310 @soulofaravenheartofawolf @lauri3strode ​ @adriennegabriella ​ @ladylucksposts ​ @briqueenofthenorth ​ @2sweetqueen ​ @meremaidqueen ​ @susanleann1 ​ @bjjackson38 @ariana-winchester95 ​ @loveyoongles

#bts #bts army #bts rm #kim namjoon #bts jin #kim seokjin #bts suga #min yoongi #bts jhope #jung hoseok #bts jimin #park jimin #bts v #kim taehyung #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts fluff #taehyung x reader #home sick #boyfriend Taehyung #fluffy taehyung

[prettyindielads]

“He was also a cop ...”

[early Pete + Carl Interview, translated from german]

Interview conducted by Michael Schuh, November 22, 2002, Munich

Munich. The Atomic Cafe is sold out. LAUT dared to talk to the two songwriters of the band who are currently causing a sensation with their debut album "Up The Bracket": Pete Doherty and Carl Barât. Despite the warning from the record company envoy: "They are often a bit out of order, but well ... have fun anyway, Michel." The man was right.

You are on tour in Germany for the first time. How have you been received so far?

Pete: Good.

Silence.

Did you notice any differences to your gigs in England?

Pete: No.

They are sitting in front of me now, Pete and Carl. One wears a torn black leather jacket, the other a camouflage army parka. I'm not leaning too far out of the window with the claim that both of them could just imagine more exciting things than telling strangers about their past. Pete gets up briefly to wear sunglasses in the dimly lit room and then sits down with us again. His colleague Carl is eating a sandwich in slow motion and is careful not to look at me.

Is the reaction in Berlin the same as in London?

Pete: The reactions to our shows are very different in England too, it changes from one night to the next. That's why every concert is different. Different clubs, different cities, different people. Young and old. Journalists and drinkers. Those are the joys of playing live: you never know what will happen next.

Your debut album "Up The Bracket" caused generally euphoric reactions and comparisons to legendary English bands like The Jam or The Clash. Isn't that a great burden?

Pete: I don't have a problem with that, as long as people mean what they write. Do you understand? If they just say it like that, that's different. But if there are actually people who believe that we wrote songs that come close to The Jam or The Smiths ... well, if people came up to me to tell me that, then I wouldn't know what to answer. I would have to think. But I hope, they really think it because I think so, too. We live in our songs like in a cocoon.

Do you care what is written about your music?

Pete: We are the young believers, you see? We are kind of innocent and we are proud of what we do. We wouldn't be on tour and we wouldn't do anything else that we didn't want to do. Reading reviews is not a motivation, you get to it every now and then. We read reviews of ourselves years ago when we were playing in front of three people. But most of the things that are written, I don't see as reviews. Maybe I'm just boring, but it's very rare, that the songs are really described. About how someone feels when they hear them. Or about ideas in a song. I never read anything about that. Sometimes I really think that 20 or 30 years ago, you last tried to express what songs moved you. I do not know either. But our songs are very personal and if the answer to that is some kind of clinical cliché, then that's ... a shame.

 What does it mean to you to release records on Rough Trade?

Silence. Carl looks down the hall and seems to have forgotten the question again, assuming he's even listening. Pete fiddles with his sunglasses. Very long seconds pass.

Pete: It's a family.

Carl (mumbling into a piece of bread crust on his plate): They're outsiders who work for love.

Your first single "What A Waster" was produced by ex-Suede guitarist Bernard Butler, with the follow-up "Up The Bracket" ex-Clash guitarist Mick Jones was already in the studio. Can you believe that yourself in retrospect?

They look at me (even Carl) and don't say anything. Today is either not her day, or above all not mine. Carl also thinks that he has contributed enough to the subject with the sentence, he just uttered and devotes himself to a new sandwich.

Pete: Maybe it all went like this, because we wrote some of the best and simplest pop songs in years. And still write. Our songs are simple and at the same time seem to be of such a quality that people are drawn to them. That could be a reason. For example, I can't get that damn song "Up The Bracket" out of my head. Never. I've had nightmares about it. It's the most incredible song I've ever heard. Apart from that, I'm very tired right now. (grins)

You still have to tell about the work with Mick Jones, who ultimately produced your entire album. Was it an easy thing to work with?

Pete: Well, I wouldn't describe it that way, but it went pretty well with him. There were few communication problems. He understood the songs immediately.

Carl: It was just difficult to find the right take.

So he was driving you?

Carl: He didn't have to push us. We drove him.

Pete grins, Carl doesn't make a face. I'll take a moment to recover from Carl's communications offensive and continue.

Did you want to sign Jones for the album right from the start?

Pete: It was originally just for the single, but we wanted to record other songs that same week. So we asked him if he might want to stay longer.

In retrospect, were you dissatisfied with Bernard Butler's work on "What A Waster"?

Pete: Oh no, we are very proud to work with him. But he just does his own stuff. And he didn't have time to leave it. (Pause) He's also had a falling out with our manager. It started with a food fight and then it got very gross. In the end, he was hit by a pumpkin and his eye was black.

As we come to the anecdotes: they say you had problems in England with your soundman and the tour manager. The first left voluntarily, the second was fired by you.

Pete: I guess it is.

Breathless silence.

What's so difficult about touring with you guys?

Pete: Nothing, touring is great fun.

I get the urgent feeling that this is a topic, that should be kept quiet. Even the easy-going Pete suddenly seems slightly annoyed.

So this anecdote is fictitious?

Pete: No, it's true. You got the facts right. And now there is nothing more to say about it.

Then you can't understand, that your ex-tour manager should have said that, compared to the Libertines, the Strokes are pussycats on tour.

Pete: Yes. He said that because he's toured with the Strokes too.

Carl gets up and leaves the room. Also an answer. Pete looks hostile. But well, if the exchange of internals is not desired, let's leave that. I now spontaneously declare the interview over. But as soon as I want to switch off the minidisc, I suddenly have to speak. I would have expected Carl to come back into the room and introduce me to his baseball bat.

Pete: Besides, he was a cop and we didn't know that.

Addendum: The appearance of the Libertines then turned into a 50-minute garage rock inferno for which there are no words. Whoever speaks little has more to say, it seems. However, the two encores noted on the setlist were not played, which for once was perhaps due to the Atomic audience, who hoped to get a rock boost mainly through telepathy. Great mosh pit sport.

https://www.laut.de/The-Libertines/Interviews/Ausserdem-war-er-Polizist-...-22-11-2002-107

#the libertines #early interview #carl barât #Pete Doherty #hilarious

[lightskinrry]

no wedding for the bad boys

The one where the bachelor’s party doesn’t go according to the plan

A/N: hello cuties,,, after not writing for a while im back with some angsty shit!!!! i hope you guys like it and don’t hesitate to share your thoughts with me about this mess!!

Word Count: 5k

TW: a loooooot of alcohol; gambling and ANGST.

One of the things you liked so much about being the single friend was that you were always the one to keep the party alive. And now you were about to birth the best party of all times. Your best friend was getting married in two weeks and you were in charge of the bachelor’s party.

And with great power comes great responsibility, you had to plan everything and keep it a surprise. And if there was one thing you sucked at; it was keeping secrets, especially from Harry. He always had his way with you; it was hard keeping anything from him.

You couldn’t quite believe he was getting married. You watched him grow from a horny teenager to a beautiful and inspiring man. You saw him give his first concert in his mom’s living room and then watched him sold out arenas around the world.

You gave him his first kiss and helped him cheat his math tests and now you were his best-woman at his wedding. You helped him break up with his exes, held him while he cried, bringing him tequila and ice cream on bad days, making him laugh once the tears dried away. And he always did the same for you. And now you were gonna be by his side like you’ve always been on the most beautiful day of his life.

You had your little reluctance towards his future spouse. She was a beautiful and independent woman but you felt like you couldn’t see through her. Maybe because she entered into your lives not so long ago and you needed more time to get her. You could tell she didn’t like you much, anyway.

They’ve been together for less than a year and Harry “commitment issues” Styles proposed to her, to everybody’s surprise; even his own.

His mom tried to tell him that he had to be sure before pulling out such a great move. But he was so infatuated, it was too beautiful to bring him back to reality.

You didn’t want to interfere anyway so when he told you, despite your surprise and little bitterness; you supported him like a good friend.

He seemed so happy and into her, you didn’t want to let him know you didn’t trust his future wife or that to you all of this seemed premature. You also didn’t want your own feelings to balance his.

Anyway, you started planning the party ahead of time and everything was going rather well. Miss (future) Styles gave you some instructions and rules to follow regarding the party because Harry said you could do anything you wanted except if she wasn’t okay with it. So no strippers, no hookers, no clowns. Who would even bring a clown to a bachelor party? Well it seemed she didn’t want that anyway. She also said not too much alcohol and no drugs. She could’ve just tell you to cancel the party at that extent. But you had to give in to her commands...

Looked like you were about to organize a tea party for elderly people… Literally, bring out the cucumber sandwiches and put milk in your tea like these old rich british dudes.

You had to find a way to make a real bachelor party. Something huge and iconic; something legendary. You planned on giving Harry a Barney’s worthy type of party.

You thought about every outcomes that could make his future wife freak out. So you decided instead of staying too close to her, why not make a spontaneous move.

You met with the groomsmen and basically all yours and Harry’s friends that would be attending the party to make sure everyone was in with the plan and obviously said nothing to Harry.

You kept the secret until d-day.

You were waiting for him, wearing your red suit, in the lobby. “Harry, we’re leaving now, man. If you’re not out that door in 2, we’ll celebrate your party without you.”

He rushed through the hallway. “I’m right here. Ready to party like I’m already seventy.”

You told him about his bride-to-be restrictions concerning the party so he didn’t expect anything crazy. “No worries, baby. You still look young.”

It was a short ride to his favorite restaurant. You were driving, screaming-singing the lyrics to Got To Be Real and he was singing with you, taking breaks in his track to laugh with you. You parked in his usual spot and walked through the door, all your friends already sitting at the table, cheering when they saw the two of you walking in.

“Ah! Here he is! The man of the night!” Jeff stood to welcome Harry to the table.

You both took a sit and order a few drinks.

The evening went fast, you had great dinner, shared cuban cigars, good alcohol and had the best chocolate cake. Everything was moderate just like Tania asked; a fancy dinner in a fancy restaurant, not too much alcohol and nobody blacked out.... yet.

Harry stood, raising his glass to make a toast. “Thank you guys so much for tonight. I know we wanted to throw a rock’n’roll party…” He gave you a sly look. “But I appreciate that you took the time and care to give me a real grownup bachelor party.” He laughed a little. “I love you guys. I feel so lucky to have friends like you. So supportive and thoughtful. Thank you.”

All of you cheered on him. And one by one all of your friends left, claiming to be going home to their spouses. You and Harry were the last one to leave the restaurant. You stood next to the car, as Harry thanked the staff, waiting for him to come to you.

“So… I have a little surprise for you.” You gave him a sneaky smile.

“Oh god, this cannot be good.”

You smiled and pulled out a blindfold out of your pocket. He shook his head. “No. No. No. That doesn’t look good at all.”

You giggled and insisted. “C’mon. It’s your bachelor party. I promise it’s going to be fun but not too much.” You smiled. “Do you trust me?”

He sighed loudly… “Fine, Y/N. You better not throw me in the back of a truck or some kidnapping bullshit like that.”

You scoffed. “No worries.”

He closed his eyes and you put yourself behind him, placed the blindfold on his face and smiled contentedly. “Good. Now just follow me, baby. I got big plans for you.”

He laughed nervously and turned around to face you. “I feel like I might die tonight. But you know what? I trust you and your fucking crazy ideas. I knew you couldn’t just stop at dinner party and cigars.”

You gave him your best evil laugh and directed him to his seat in the car. You placed yourself in the driver seat, put on your playlist and drove.

After about 30 minutes driving and Harry complaining about the blindfold, you pulled over in the parking lot. You directed Harry through the airport, up until the gate of the plane. There all of your friends were waiting silently, smiling slyly.

“I can’t believe you convinced him.”

Harry turned around on himself. “Mitch?”

All your friends cheered to let him know they were all here.

“Fuck, so that was a group plan, huh? What did she convinced me to do? Because I can tell we’re in a airport, I’m not deaf and this is a bad plan, I can already tell. This is a bad plan.”

You all laughed and you gently stroked Harry’s shoulder. “Harry, when did I ever put you in a bad situation?”

“That time in Atlanta when we ended up-”

“This never happened. It was a fever dream. You know I would never put you in a bad situation.” You cut him in his track, remembering the misadventure.

“What about that night in NYC last year? I remember that basement, Y/N.”

“This wasn’t a bad situation, just a plan that kinda failed.”

He giggled before turning around again. “Okay, so what’s the plan that will most certainly fail today?”

“You get your ass on that plane and you’ll see!”

Harry sighed but with the help of everyone, he got on the plane. You took the blindfold off him and made sure to keep him busy during the flight.

After the pilot announced the destination, you watched Harry’s soul leave his body.

“Vegas? Fucking Vegas? You guys are all mad. Mad men. Does Tania even know?”

All of you gave him a big smile and said “Surprise!” in harmony.

“She doesn’t know. We’ll call her later. Just relax, mate.” Tom smiled at Harry and laid back in his seat.

Harry leaned in your ear and whispered. “She’s going to kill both of us, you know that?”

“Then we’ll both die after the best party of our lives.”

The flight was fun. You guys chattered and laughed. Harry was finally relaxing and giving into the mood. You couldn’t wait until you land to show him all you planned for tonight. But mostly all you didn’t plan; the best nights you spent with Harry were the ones that started without a plan. The ones that were supposed to be chilling at home. Actually even chilling at home turned into the best night. That was the thing; even the most boring shit can be amazing if you’re with the right people.

***

After landing and getting down from the plane, you lead Harry and all your friends to where the party was at; everywhere. You were painting the town red tonight.

You started with a few drinks in the lobby of the hotel, making your way downtown to a Casino just for the sake of being in Vegas, then you moved to a ballroom where a 30s theme party was going on. You sipped on Martinis and Manhattans until the fancy drinks were getting boring so you moved the group to a grunge club. Everybody was dancing and drinking and whatever else they found amusing. You could tell everyone was having fun, especially Harry.

Around 2AM some girl proposed to your group to come to her place cause she was throwing an after-party.  And obviously, everyone followed because following drunk strangers is fun.

You ended up at her place; all of y’all in a tiny apartment with some trash music and cheap alcohol, dancing and screaming until the neighbors called the cops for disturbance. So everyone, as drunk (and high for some) as they were, started leaving and running when the pigs showed up. You rolled with Harry, running through the night in the neighbourhood, laughing and breathing loudly.

“Fuck! I knew this was gonna end badly!” Harry laughed at you while reaching to grab your hand so you could run as fast as he did. You tightened your grip around his hand once you had it and ran to a dark corner.

You placed your hands on your knees and sighed, breathing deeply. “It could’ve been worse. The pigs could’ve arrested us.”

“I’m pretty sure my negotiation skills would’ve gotten us out anyways.”

You scoffed. “Your white ass face would’ve been enough, baby.”

He laughed and grabbed your hands to keep going further away from the girl’s house and the police car. You both were too drunk to even think correctly about where to go. You sent a text to the groupchat asking if everyone was okay and to meet up at the hotel.

But neither you or Harry could tell what way to go so you walked for a little while, stopping by any bar you came across  to get another drink.

You walked for about an hour and you were finally heading back into the city center. Your feet hurt so you stopped in a little park next to a Casino and a crappy motel.

You sat your ass down on a bench and grabbed Harry’s hand to make him sit next to you. He sighed and sat. You watched the sky for a little while.

“The stars look like a bunch of beans. Like a shit ton of beans flying above us.”

You laughed at his drunken comment. “Yep, a sky full of fucking beans.”

You both started singing the Coldplay’s song in harmony but replacing stars with beans all the way through the chorus and cracking up in laughter everytime you emphasize the word ‘beans’.

Harry took a long breath after his giggle and sighed. “Fuck, I’m gonna miss this.”

You looked at him for a second. “What do you mean?”

“Having fun with you like that. I’m gonna miss it.”

“But none of us is going anywhere?” You were pretty confused about his statement.

“Tania wants to settle in Los Angeles.” He turned his head to look at you. “And you know… You’re not…in Los Angeles, you. You’re not.”

You didn’t expect that. You thought if Harry was to ever settle somewhere it’d be in London. “You mean you’re gonna spend all your free time in LA? Fucking LA? Drinking grass smoothies all the time?”

He chortled at your comment. “It seems like that’s the plan.”

You stayed silent for a few minutes, taking the information in. It felt worse than a breakup; you were losing your best-friend and without even knowing it, you threw the goodbye party.

“So you’re really going to marry her and move and we’ll never see each other again?”

Obviously alcohol made it all even more dramatic to you; it was an overwhelming emotion.

“Not never again…”

“C’mon, you know damn well what happens when longtime friends part sides! We’ve watched How I Met Your Mother together!”

He chuckled and then took a deep breath. The air was suddenly heavier, and all the alcohol in your blood was making it hard to keep the focus on the serious conversation.

“We should do one last crazy ass thing together. It’s not like we’re gonna remember it anyway!” Harry pointed the casino with his head.

“You mean blow all of our money on bets and shots of patron?”

“Yep, that’s exactly what I mean.”

You didn’t check your phone as it rang in your pocket and followed up behind Harry running towards the Casino.

You took a last round of shots in the lobby. And you started shouting at Harry, your glass in the air. “You know what? I just remembered you’re getting fucking married, dude! Married? Fucking married. I can’t believe I’m gonna say this but fuck this bitch you’re engaged to.”

Harry laughed and shouted back. “Hey! I’m already fucking this bitch I’m engaged to!”

You cracked up in a laugh. “Noooooo! I mean she sucks! She wants to take you away. Awaaaaaaay.” You hiccuped and took a breath.

“I’m in love with you. I’ve been since like fifth grade or whatever.” You chugged down the rest of your glass.

Harry stopped for a second, he placed his glass on the bar. “Wow. That’s a revelation.”

He giggled and took a sip of his tequila. “I’ve been in love with you since like….. That time in third grade when you punched me in the chin cause there was a bee on me….”

“Oh fuck! I remember…. Your lip bled so much.” You let a little laugh slip through your lips. The alcohol in your blood made you lose sense of the importance of the words you just shared with Harry and what he shared back. And you thought for a second that maybe it was just drunk talk but the stupid smile you couldn’t get off your face reminded you the truth of it: it was going to stink in the morning.

After making sure both of you got enough drinks, you led him in the Casino and stopped at the first roulette table.

“Okay.” You looked at Harry. “What’s the bet though? Cause I will be putting money on something I have no idea how to play.”

“Well if I win, then you have to elope with me.”

“Oh shit.” You took a deep breath. “Fair, but if I win, we are eloping this motherfucker together.”

He scoffed. “Looks like we’re eloping tonight… That word is fucking weird, though. Eloping.”

“Who cares about the word! I’m betting on number 22 and 15. What about you baby?”

Harry took a look at the roulette for a second, placed the cash he had in his pocket on the table. “22;15.” He looked at you with a smug smile.

The dealer spinned the wheel and revealed the winning number. “22. You win.”

You collected your payout with Harry, left a big tip to the server and ran out the Casino to find a chapel.

“This is going to be so bad!!” You laughed out while running with Harry.

“Like every plan you’ve ever put me into.”

You stopped in front of the chapel at the back of the crappy motel.

“I don’t want to get married to Tania… She’s amazing. I love her so much. But it’s so boring. So boring. I want stupid plans and crappy basements party and casinos and unexpected flights and I want to be able to say when I’m 78 and I don’t have no hair left and I smell like old shoes and cheese that I married my best friend and I never regretted anything.”

“You’re being too fucking deep, Harry. There’s a Madonna drag as the officiant in this chapel. You are going to regret this.”

He chuckled before taking your hand. “We, Y/N. We are going to regret this.”

“Yep.”

You took a step into the chapel, glanced at Harry’s face to be met with a big smile and his drunken eyes. “Fuck this, I guess?”

***

You woke up with a terrible headache, your eyes could barely open because the light was too bright in the room. There was a weird smell of old alcohol, carpet and coconut air freshener. You opened your eyes fully only for your vision to be blurry as hell, the ceiling was moving and your head was so heavy, you couldn’t lift it up. You tried to look around you, seeing pulled up green sheets over your naked body and what seemed to be the curves of someone laying next to you. You felt a rumbling in your stomach and that’s the moment you knew; you had to get up…. because you were going to throw up.

You rushed to the bathroom and closed the door behind you. After emptying your stomach, you sat on the floor for a few seconds. The bathroom was small and poorly lit with a little window over the bathtub. You stood up and washed your face, taking the time to look at yourself in the dirty old mirror over the sink. Your hair was a mess and your make up was smudged. You had a huge hickey on your neck and little ones following down to your chest. You got out of the bathroom, holding your head and stumbling slightly. The room was clear since the curtains were pulled, you peaked at who was sleeping in the bed and found Harry, draped in the sheets peacefully snoring. You swallowed the gulp in your throat; this wasn’t good. You checked your phone and to no surprise you had a shit ton of missed calls and texts from your group of friends. Some asking if you’re okay, others where you’re at and some insulting you for not answering.

You gently shook Harry’s body. “Wake up.” He moaned before pulling back the covers to his face. You tugged on them to uncover him, leaving his chest bare. “Wake up, Harry.”

He groaned and turned around to lay on his back, his face turned to the ceiling. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost 9.” He turned to face you, opening slightly his eyes to peek at you. “You’re naked.” He nonchalantly said. You blushed for a second pulling the covers off him to cover yourself. He looked down to himself. “I’m naked, too.”

A floating silence lasted a few seconds before Harry jumped out of bed to find his underwear. “I’m naked! I’m naked. You’re naked. We’re in a bed. We’re in…. Where even are we?”

“In a motel somewhere in Vegas.”

“In Vegas?” His voice got two octaves higher. “Why are we in Vegas?”

“For your bachelor party, Harry. Stop freaking out.”

“Are you asking me not to freak out? We’re in a bloody crappy motel in Vegas and we’re both naked. I can’t remember what happened last night for the life of me and my head is killing me.”

He sat down on the edge of the bed, putting his pants back on. You looked at his back and you could see slight scratches marks with the sun light. You started getting dressed too, as fast as you could. Harry grabbed his phone and started scrolling down. You heard him sigh loudly.

“The fuck we did last night, Y/N?”

“Wish I could give you an answer, Harry. All I remember is getting on the plane and then it’s a black hole.”

“Well…” He got up from the bed, wearing only his trousers. You watched his chest for a second, his tattoos and his glowing chest in the sunlight. You caught yourself staring at him; his shoulders, his chest hair, your glaze going down to his trail.

“Y/N?” Harry’s voice resonated.

“Huh?”

“Did you hear what I said?” He tilted his head to the side and gave you a confused look.

“What did you say?” Your eyes lowered to the floor so that you would stop looking at him.

“I said I hope we didn’t do anything stupid. The wedding is next week. I have a stressed and very angry bride-to-be waiting for me at home and at the look of her texts, I’m in for a bad fight.”

You pinched your lips at the thought. What if you did something stupid? What if you messed up? It was already a stressful time for them. And you stewed in with a giant weekend party in Vegas when the instruction was clear: no big party.

“Let’s go find the others and finish our weekend.”

Harry scoffed as he picked up his shirt. “I’m going home. I’m sorry if I’m breaking the mood but I’m hopping on the next flight back to LA.”

***

You couldn’t quite figure out how to place the flashbacks from the weekend. It was already Monday and the wedding was in 6 days. You had flashes of a party in a small and unknown apartment and running in the streets with Harry and playing in a Casino but still nothing on how you got into the motel with him. Harry went back home on Saturday morning and from his voice message last night; he got quite into fight with Tania. She wasn’t happy at all with the Vegas plan but Harry reassured her and apparently everything was better today. You wondered if Harry remembered anything more than you, maybe he could fill in the blanks.

You knew the week was going to go fast and the wedding would be here sooner than you’d think, so you just hoped nothing unexpected would come back to you or him.

On Wednesday, you met up with Harry and the groomsmen for last minute check-ins for the wedding. You walked into the manor Harry reserved for the ceremony and as an obvious bad sign, Tania didn’t even said hello to you and avoided any eye-contact. You kinda wanted to apologize to her. After all, you did mess up a little bit.

“Hey guys.” You walked up to where your friends was.

“Hey Y/N. Did you pick up the ring from the jeweler?” Harry didn’t even look at you. He was signing some papers with the caterer and just asked the question without looking up.

“Yep. Got it right in the bag.”

Harry gave you a little look and you felt weird about it. It wasn’t his usual ‘thanks for doing the job’ look or anything tender. It was cold and almost professional.

You went over your check-ins with the groomsmen. You didn’t talk to Harry for the two hours you were there, not a word or a look. You knew something was off so once the work was done, you asked him to meet you in the bathroom.

You were standing next to the sink, checking your reflection when Harry walked in.

“Is there something wrong with the ceremony?” He asked bluntly.

“No.. Um… I just wanted… needed… to talk to you.”

“About?” He wanted to cut the conversation short and you hated this feeling in your stomach.

You sighed and smiled tenderly to him. “Well… How are you feeling? The big day is so close.”

“I’m feeling okay.” His answer was sharp but you were desperate to understand what was going on.

“Harry… What’s wrong? Why are you so cold?” You insisted.

He took a deep breath and closed the door behind him, making sure it’s locked.

“You know how I said I hope we didn’t do anything stupid in Vegas?”

“Yes.” You were confused about where he was going with that but it seemed bad.

“Well, we did something stupid.” His jaw clenched and you felt out of breath. “We did something so fucking stupid, Y/N.” You swallowed the gulp in your throat. “We fucked. I can’t even believe it. I don’t even remember how we ended up in that crappy fucking room. All I remember is how I had sex with….” He didn’t even look at you. “I cheated on my wife, before we even fucking got married.”

You couldn’t say anything, the images slowly came back to you.

“You have nothing to say, huh?”

Your ‘humour coping mechanism in stressful situations’ reflex kicked in at the wrong time. “Well, technically it’s not cheating, the bachelor party is a single man party.” You laughed nervously.

“It’s all your fault. We said no fucking party. No big stupid plans, but you had to go against our wishes because you’re so fucking selfish.”

You couldn’t say a word. You never seen Harry so mad at you before.

“Look, I’m sorry your dating life is such a mess. And that you can’t find anyone, but I did. I found someone. Someone amazing and then I fucked this shit up because you couldn’t go without one party.” He rapidly passed his hand through his hair, and sighed.

You felt anger boiling down in your stomach. Him being mad was comprehensible but it wasn’t all your fault.

“You fucked this shit up, yourself. I wanted to throw a fun bachelor party for my best friend. You wouldn’t have had sex with me if you didn’t wanted to. Because deep down, you know you don’t want this marriage. You don’t want to be stuck with Miss Boring Pants and spend the rest of your life here in LA, drinking grass smoothies and having to partake in her posh high standard life. You know that’s not what you want. You know it was premature to propose so soon in the relationship. You’re mad at yourself, Harry. Get a grip. You shouldn’t do this.”

It all slipped. You just couldn’t hold it in.

“I shouldn’t do what?” Harry’s face was red, his nostrils were open and the vein on his neck was popping. You could tell he was holding back the tears at the gate.

You took a deep breath and a calm voice. “Get married. You shouldn’t get married.”

He filled his lungs with air and exhaled loudly, trying to keep his composure.

“Listen carefully Y/N. You are nobody to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. What happened in Vegas was a drunken mistake and I won’t let it ruin the best day of my life. I won’t let you ruin the best day of my life. So here’s what’s going to happen. We’re going to go through the ceremony with no slips and then I’m moving to LA with Tania. And you, you move out of my life.”

Your heart sank to your stomach, and your face was boiling; the tears slowly gathering in your eyes.

“You don’t mean it.” Your voice was almost like a whisper.

“I do, Y/N. From now on, I just want to make sure this wedding is the perfect wedding Tania wants.”

He unlocked the door of the bathroom and left without looking back. You brought your hand to your chest as if it would soothe the pain and let the tears flow down your face. It couldn’t be real.

***

It was hard going on like nothing happened but if there was anything you could do right now was make sure you got your best-woman duties done. The wedding was tomorrow and you had to finish your speech. What would you even say? “To my ex-best friend, I wish you the best to you and your boring wife.” That sounds about right.

You were waiting for Jeff to come in with the last informations regarding the ceremony so that tomorrow everything goes according to the plan. You heard a knock on your door, you got up thinking Jeff came in early and opened up. A postman with a big envelope was standing there.

“Y/N  Y/L/N?” He asked, looking up from his notes.

“Yes, herself.”

He asked for your id and verified it. “That’s for you.” He handed you the enveloppe and after you took it, asked for you to sign the delivery papers.

You thanked him and got back inside. You sat on the sofa to open it, there was a Vegas postage on it and your heart missed a bit.

You slowly opened the envelope. Inside you found a marriage license legally binding you and Harry for life. You pinched your lips and took a deep breath. This was a mess, a huge mess.

How on point was this news? Good way to make sure his ceremony goes exactly like they planned when you’re going to come in and let them know they can’t get married anymore.

You sat back and tried to clear your mind.

You were officially married to Harry…. And Harry is about to actually get married tomorrow. This didn’t make much sense but you had to think of a solution and quick.

#harry styles #harry styles writing #harry styles imagine #harry styles oneshot #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles blurbs #harry styles drabbles #writings #fanfiction #harry styles fanfiction #fanfic #nwftbb

[sweetestlamb]

Something New

Summary: Joon young comes home to a surprise that leaves him winded and bothered. 

A companion piece to “You’re My Favorite Song”. 

Living together is harmonious chaos, that's the best way he can describe it. Song-ah fills all the spaces he never realized were empty, the kitchen is always well stocked, flowers suddenly appear in a vase he never knew he owed and his bed is warm, warmer than it's ever been. It's the happiest he's allowed himself to be in a devastatingly long time.

She seeks him out the moment she enters the apartment, the soft patters of her feet echoing on the floor as she searches for him calling his name,"Joon young ssi, are you there?" Sometimes he doesn't answer just to watch the adorable glee that fills her face when she finds him, twin dimpled grins on their faces.

"You're here."

If he can help it he'll always be here. Losing her once was more than enough, all those lonely nights spent never knowing what would become of them. Revealing his true feelings had been terrifying, like playing a new piece at a competition for the first time. Desperately hoping that a judge would give him a ten, but for her it would happily risk it all. She was his favorite song.

Waiting for her to finally move in had been torture, he cleaned and then cleaned again. The day she'd finally moved it, rain was pouring from the skies in a sheet, drenching everything in it's wake. Thankfully he had his umbrella and together they walked through the rainy streets, giggling as the skies thundered above them.

Her eyes sparked as she looked up at the very umbrella she'd gifted him. He'd kept his promise of carrying it everyday, sequestered away in his backpack no matter the weather or forecast.

They discuss things he'd never thought about before, like which side of the bed they prefer.

"When you slept alone which side did you sleep on?" She questions from her position on the edge of the bed, she looks flustered, unsure eyes darting all over the room.

He almost chuckles. There's always a nervous current of electricity that roars through their relationship.

"Hmmmmm." He ponders as he makes his way over to her, plopping down beside her before cocooning her hands in his. He loves how small her hands appear in his grasp.

"Joon young ssi?" She presses as he becomes entranced in the vision of their fingers interlocked. She tugs at his hand after a long pause and he smiles at her before shrugging, "I don't care. As long as you're beside me."

She blushes so prettily that he can't resist the urge to kiss her, in an instant he has her flat on his- no their bed, her hair spread out like black silk as he caresses her soft cheek and pushes a hungry tongue into her sweet mouth. They kiss until he's breathless and his heart is racing, "I can't wait to wake up to this everyday." He whispers awed by her and how much love fills his once empty heart.

He never wants to leave her.

Thus it is with a heavy heart that he accepts a concert in China, it is a small intimate performance and the pay is too decadent to decline. He needs to start saving if he intends to give Song-ah the wedding of her dreams, despite her incessant that she wants something simple. She deserves nothing short of perfection.

Her pretty pout saturates his vision when he informs her that he'll be leaving in a few days. Curling around his arm like a housecat, head fixed on his shoulder as he walks around the room picking up essentials and clothes.

"I won't be gone long." He promises leaning down to kiss her forehead through the fringe of her bangs.

She only sighs and pushes in closer to him, so he says no more allowing her to mope a little, he can't say he doesn't love how much she wants him around all the time. He hides a grin in his collar.

"Don't smile. I'm serious, I'm going to miss you. Why would you smile?" She whines pulling away glaring at him, he can't contain his joy and he chases after her tickling her when he catches her. Sadness is pushed aside that night replaced with airy giggles and guffaws.

The morning of his trip is far more forlorn, he longingly gazes at her in her sleep dress and the bunny slippers he bought for her months ago.

Precious.

"Call me when you land." Their hands swing back and forth, as they prolong their inevitable separation. Looking into her eyes, deep warm pools that shine with her love and that gives him enough fortitude to finally pull away, albeit reluctantly.

"I promise."

He wraps her in his arms, smelling her fragrant plum body wash and a scent that is irrevocably Song-ah, imprinting it in his system.

"I love you."

His insides churn at her soft declaration whispered into his skin, painting him with her love.

Embracing her ever tighter, he draws back meeting her head on.

"I love you too. I'll miss you, I'll miss you so much."

And with that he's out the door and hours later he lands and grabs at his phone to keep his promise, chatting about his flight and his plans to get something to eat.

A driver has been sent for him, a sign with his own name greets him at the airport and he tumbles into an expensive car, small luggage beside him. His hotel is luxurious with marble floors and gleaming crystal chandeliers, but it's lacking a certain petite violinist ergo it's nothing compared to his apartment.

The week blurs by before at long last it's time for his concert, it's an easy enough song and it doesn't take much practice before he's mastered it. The audience watches in awed silence before erupting into boisterous applause, he bows and diligently plays an encore before hiding away in his hotel room.

The day of his flight, he checks the airline website to see if there are any earlier flights, wincing when he sees the price increase. But with resolve in his shoulders, he confidently confirms the change because calling the front desk.

Hours later and a cup of coffee to combat his lingering fatigue he's back on Korean soil. He could kiss the ground he's so elated.

It's early when he lands, the sun has barely risen bleeding swirling majesty in the horizon and he eagerly hails one of the many cabs outside the airport knowing that if he rushes he'll be able to catch her as she wakes, sleep warm with bed head.

Handing a tip to the driver, he tugs at his luggage before bounding up elevator to their apartment. It's not until he's outside the door that he remembers to breathe, inhaling deep breaths that do nothing to stop the pounding of his heart.

I'm back.

Fetching his keys from his pocket, he opens the door an inch before poking his head through. All is quiet.

He slips into his slippers, leaving the luggage behind to be dealt with another day. He has more pressing matters such as holding his fiancée in his arms and kissing her until her lips are sore.

Turning the corner he peers at their bedroom door, slightly ajar and peeking inside he sees a sleeping Song-ah wrapped in a cocoon of blankets wordlessly beckoning him closer. He doesn't resist the call.

Sitting on the bed he watches her face, slackened in sleep only her head visible in her deep slumber. Long lashes fan out on her downy cheeks, smooth and plump to the touch as he strokes them. Then there are her rosebud lips, pink and oh so inviting and her delicate nose all contributing to his favorite face.

"I'll wake her in a moment. I just want to look." He says to himself, raptly drinking her in after a long week of being without her.

Seconds turn to minutes which stretch on until the sun has risen fully and he's still watching her, captivated.

Finally nature calls and he creeps off to the bathroom, careful not to wake her.

He walks back to the room, shirt discarded now as he dons a loose shirt and sleep pants, comfortable and free.

With a sigh he lifts the sheets, crawling under and immediately feels drowsy from the heat captured inside the blankets. He lays flat on his back, twisting his head to peer at her once more. Still gorgeous.

As if feeling the shift in the bed, she turns into his heat before cuddling into his side, he gulps at the sensation of her soft flesh pressed into his arm. Then with a whine she spins again, drawing the blanket off her shoulder and that's when he sees it.

The sun peeking through the blinds cuts a line straight down the bed and she's glowing under his gaze.

He almost swallows his own tongue when he fully takes her in. White lace floods his mind, and when she spins onto her back he pulls the sheet back up, covering her swiftly. His skin feels hot and thin as he pants, heart rate suddenly skyrocketing. Her nipples, he swears he could see them teasing through the material.

She sleeps peacefully next to him, not knowing the wildfire she has started.

Then it gets worst.

"Mmm Joon young ssi."

He straightens at the first murmur of his name, staring at her with wide eyes. She's flushed now, cheeks rosy red but her eyes are still tightly shut, still deep in sleep.

"Please."

His cock jolts to attention, he has no cognizant thought or control. It's uncontrollable at her utterance and the memory of the glimpse of her chest his body frizzles to life and arousal crashes over him like a tidal wave.

With a groan, he clamours from the bed rushing to the bathroom but his feet become tangled in the sheets and with a loud thud he crashes onto the floor.

Whining in pain he untangles himself, sitting up then her head appears above him. She stares at him, mouth opened in shock.

"You're here!"

He wants to answer, remembers what words are and remembers when he was able to effortlessly use them.

Now is not one of those moments.

Because now he can fully see what he only got a glimpse of before, a white lace baby doll dress curled around all curves, her nipples peeking through the semi transparent material of the lace. The bottom fans out and exposes a berth of naked skin, the rest is hidden from his eyes.

Suddenly she realizes why his eyes are straying, peering down at herself before gasping and clutching the blankets to her chest. He feels an uncanny urge to cover his eyes to alleviate her stress.

Silence shrouds over them thick like molasses as they both avoid each other's eyes. Her image is still burned in his retinas, he'll never forget it. Ever.

"I'm back. I took an earlier flight." He answers her question, trying to regain a semblance of normalcy.

"Oh. I didn't think you'd be back until later."

That explains her attire somewhat, he's never seen his modest girlfriend wear anything that... seductive before and while her enjoyed the view her discomfort is palpable.

Nodding in understanding, he begins to stand up pointedly not looking at her as he backs away.

"I'll-.... I'll go."

He walks to the door, resisting every urge to turn back and kiss her, devour her and see just how far down the lace goes and how it spreads generously on his thighs and what exactly she's wearing on the bottom. Temptation sings in his blood.

Days of missing her make leaving particularly difficult. But he'll never do anything without her explicit consent.

Twisting the doorknob, one foot out the door as blood rushes to his head he propels himself through the door but then she calls out.

"Joon Young ssi!"

His limps are frozen, suspended in time. But still he doesn't turn around, he doesn't trust himself not to run into the bed with her and give her more reasons to gasp his name like that.

Stop being a pervert.

"Don't go."

He shivers at her breathy request, knowing he's stuck now there's no way he's leaving this room but staying seems like torture with her looking like something out of one of his wet dream.

He spins around, gaze pinned to the ground before hightailing to the singular chair in the room, both too far and too close to the bed.

Nervously he wrings his hands, uncertain how to continue but then she's speaking again.

"I'm sorry."

His head snaps up at her apology, eyes immediately locking on her face compressed in sadness. He stares dumbfounded, forcing himself not to look down.

Finally he finds his voice, "Why? Why are you sorry?"

She looks down at his question, drawing the blanket back around her body almost shielding herself before she answers, "I....made you uncomfortable. You don't feel comfortable in our bed....I'm sorry."

Song-ah is so smart when it comes to work planning his concerts and effortlessly putting together events for the Kyunghoo foundation, meticulously piecing them together and stepping back into the shadows so the performers get the full spotlight. But when it comes to this relationship, to them sometimes she can be quite obtuse, thinking the worst instead of seeing the obvious.

The obvious lays rigid and long between his legs.

Before he can correct her misconception, she's speaking a mile a minute taking his silence as confirmation of his supposed discomfort.

"You weren't supposed to see this, it was a gift from Min Seong. I shouldn't have taken it but I thought I could wear it when you weren't around, practice looking like this....I didn't know if you would like it. But now I know, I can change so pleas--"

Standing resolutely he blinks down at her, her mouth drops open at his sudden movement.

In three large steps he's right beside her, her heat wafting off even through the blankets, teasing and calling to him.

"I like it."

She swallows gazing up at him in wonder, her bottom lip caught in the hard grip of her teeth.

"I like it a lot." He repeats, and now the blankets falls from her grip, immediately he sits on the edge of the bed bringing them face to face.

He can't resist the urge to glance down while this close.

He groans at the sight. Still perfect.

"You like it?" She whispers, different then her usual tone when she's testing him, pushing to see if he's being completely honest or if he's fluffing the truth to make her happy. She sounds terrified that he might be lying.

He reaches out to gently hold her face, letting all the love and arousal wash over his face allowing himself to be vulnerable with her, only her.

"I like it. No, I love it." He answers emphatically and when she whimpers almost shaking in his hold he can't control his body's reaction, the overwhelming need to comfort her. Dragging her close he wraps her in his arms, tugging her head into the heated skin of his neck.

"Song-ah ssi."

"Yes?" Her breath falls in warm puffs on his skin.

"I think I like it too much."

He can almost feel her blushing through their hold as she burrows deeper into him.

Hiding his face in her hair, he takes calming breaths that are all but useless with her in his arms, he hadn't thought this through. The need to soothe her overriding his decision making.

Then she starts to pull away from his hold and he blinks in surprise, caught off guard by her face a blush still stains her cheek but gone is her kicked puppy expression resolve blooms in its wake.

He just stares in confusion, awaiting for next move.

Slowly, she pushes the blankets further down her body and his heart thumps as each new inch of skin is revealed, his fingers are knuckle white in the sheet.

The bottom is a small panty, a barely there triangle that does little to cover her but it's the garter belt that undoes him, stretch tight around her hips and holding up her matching white thigh high socks. All he can see is white, his brain seizures as her attire is completely exposed to his ravenous gaze.

His head falls in absolute defeat before he looks back up at her with pleading eyes, drinking her in like a man lost in the desert.

"Can I....is it okay if I...." Unable to finish his sentence he almost screams in frustration, there was no preparation for this. They've had sex, loud breathtaking tumbles in this very bed with her wet warmth pulling him into the abyss but right now he feels shaken, he's been the one to initiate all those moments. Song-ah has never been this bold. It's making his head spin.

As if privy to his inner monologue (read. suffering) he suddenly feels a soft hand grip his own, after a moment's hesitation she tugs at his hand before placing it on her leg.

Her smooth stocking covered leg.

He runs his hand up her calf, folding over her knee before landing on her thighs, there's a couple of naked inches between the high stockings and her hips, he pauses as he reaches the intersection.

His hesitation drags by, as he tries to rein in his arousal. Too many images are flashing in his mind, he's scared to overwhelm her with all the feelings pooling in his body.

"Joon Young ssi? Are you okay?"

He honestly shakes his head in decline. He's nowhere being okay.

She takes a shuddering breath before speaking, "You don't really like it. Why did you tell me that you did?"

Wrong, again.

With a loud scoff he grabs her thighs, hardening at the plush flesh beneath his hands before pulling, hard. Tugging her down the bed until she's laying flat and he crawls over her, straddling her hands tight on her hips. She's gasps at the rough treatment, gaping at him with wild eyes but her body curls into his own.

His erection is impossible to miss in this new position, tenting the front of his loose sleep pants moisture starting to soak through at the tip.

"I like it."

She stares wide eyed at the obvious.

Its pointed directly at her, confirming how much he in fact likes it.

She squirms in his hold and at the brush of her hip on his hardened cock, he stiffens sweat breaking out on his forehead and shoulders.

"Song ah ssi, can I keep touching? I want to touch everything."

She's always sexy to him, all the time. When she's cooking dinner in their tiny kitchen apron fastened around her slim hips or when she's focused making plans on her phone, brow furrowed in concentration. There isn't a moment when she is not the sexiest woman in his eyes, but seeing her in lingerie has unlocked a secret desire he never knew he had. There's something irresistible about her like this, he knows the mental deliberation it took her to wear this and her fearlessness and devotion to him is the sexiest thing of all.

"You're so sexy."

She wouldn't be his Song-ah if she didn't peer at him with wide eyes so he takes it on the chin and simply smiles. He'll prove it to her everyday if she'll allow him.

As if opposite ends of a magnet their faces gravitate towards each other, first just a gentle brush of lips but he can only contain his lust for so long and he tilts her head forcing them into a deeper, dirtier kiss- filled with tongue and moans. Instinctively he grinds into her and at the silken feel of her panties he jumps, precum beading at his tip as he's reminded of what she's wearing.

When he breaks free of the kiss, she's staring at him dazed and he needs to make her scream, make her purr his name like she'd been earlier whilst lost in her dream, longs to make what had made her so pliant a reality. 

With laser focus his gaze falls to her breasts, moving his eyes to her face he runs his hands up her ribs, watching her twitch before his hands are on the peripheral, close but not quite touching where he wants to.

She's heaving now and he's mesmerized, anticipation clings in the air.

He cups her breasts, squeezing them in his large palms watching the lace mold around them, her dark red nipples staring at him and he moves down without thought to taste them, popping a tightly curled point into his mouth, sucking through the thin lace. Her moan is symphonic, loud in his ears as he tongues and pulls at her hungry now, starved even releasing only to devour its twin- pulling that until she's breathing his name over and over.

"Joon young ssi, Joon young ssi!"

Moving swiftly he pulls back only to draw his shirt over his head, his skin is boiling hot and the way she gazes at his naked flesh makes him puff up a little.

She strokes across his chest and he leans into the touch, swaying and lightheaded all of his blood flowing southward.

Then her fingers trail down his chest, past the flat lightly muscled expanse of his torso pausing on his hips, now she's looking at him for permission and instantly he nods, head bobbling up and down so quickly his neck twinges from the movement.

With a nibble to the bottom of her lip- a move he's now wrecked by she yanks off his pants leaving him bare. His cock swings free, knocking into her hand before settling close to his stomach.

Delicate she wraps her hand around his swollen head smearing his own juice down the length of his erection, stroking from tip to root in a move that has him seeing stars.

He can't control his hips that thrust into her fist, too turned on to do anything but feel and react.

Shifting lower he thrusts into her, his wet tip sliding across her warmth and her grip on him loosens as she cries out on the bed, eyes shut and mouth wide open.

He leans down further to catch her lips in another kiss, slower this time just languid serpentine movements.

Simultaneously, he grinds into her core surging at the wetness that he feels there. When he feels her hands at her side he glances only to see her take the thin straps of her panties, knowing what comes next.

"Leave them on."

"Leave them on?" She stutters out, pausing at his command.

He nods, "Yes. I like it. I like you in them."

She shivers at his voice which has dropped an octave since they started this dangerous game.

He rolls into her again until that isn't enough and pulling one hand away from her breasts, he fingers at her panties stroking her lips through the material before sliding them to the side, bearing her sweet flower to his view.

"Oh."

That's all she can manage to get out before he pushes a finger deep inside, tight wetness consumes him and he groans at the implications.

Rocking into her his cock presses at her opening, gliding across her wet hole and boldly she thrusts back lifting her hips off the bed and tugging him in by his shoulder, when his swollen head pops in beside his finger he almost faints from the sensation his brain unable to process anything except good good fucking good.

With a slight push of his hips he's slicing through her until his hips smack into her ass, her legs now wrapped around his waist.

Then they're crashing into each other, wet obscene noises filling the room as he slams into her catching her hands and pushing them into the bed beside her head as he dismantles her, grunting as she bucks beneath him her sweaty bangs sticking to her forehead.

Her breasts jiggle in their lace encasement and he fucks into her and pinches at a nipple that pops free, leaning down to mouth at it as his rhythm never slows, the bed is now squeaking staccato beats from all the movement, in out in out innnn out.

He peppers her face with kisses as she begins to shake in his hold, breath hitching as he pumps into her relentlessly reaching down to rub at her pearl and almost collapsing when she screams and tightens around him, her hands hopelessly scratching at his back before they fall limp on the bed, and she's still.

He allows her a brief moment before pushes in as deep as he can go, her fluttering walls dragging him closer to the end and then she breathes his name and it's all he can take, he's shuttering into her painting her walls white as his vision blares and he finally does collapse into her, she wraps her arms around him stroking him in long calm waves.

"I love you, I love you, I love you."

She paints his skin with her love once more breathing it into him, he tries to remember what life was like before her but nothing comes to mind, she's filled all his empty spaces leaving him whole and restored. There was nothing before Chae Song-ah.

#do you like brahms? #chae song ah #park joon young #joon young x song ah #smut with feeling #inner monologues #still obsessed with these two #park eun bin #kim min jae #lingerie

[taehyungiejiminie95]

Namjoon – He’s about to get discharged

Warning – May be upsetting to some readers

“Are you awake?” Namjoon mumbles, the low timbre of his morning voice tickling the base of your neck as he tries to curl around you. Your eyes are too sore with tiredness to open, but you are awake. You nod, hearing him sniff as the movement thrusts your hair into his nose, “I’m really scared about leaving. I know it sounds stupid because everyone does it and they always come home, but I still can’t help worrying,” He admits to you. Still unable to open your eyes, you shift around under the covers until your face is pressed into Namjoon’s neck, breathing him in for the last time in two years,

“It’s okay to worry. I doubt anyone goes off to serve their duty without being at least a little apprehensive,” You murmur, moving your hands to caress his shoulders soothingly, “It’s scary. I’m scared for you, even though I know the chances of you ever being in any kind of actual combat is so slim. But it’s okay. It’s natural,” Namjoon groans low in his throat in response, wrapping his arms even tighter around your form. He kisses you gently on the forehead, trying to treasure this memory of holding you, knowing he may not feel it again until he’s discharged,

“Thank you,” His breathy reply comes, the clear edges around his voice starting to blur as you’re pulled out of your dream. It’s coming closer and closer to Namjoon’s discharge date – one month, two weeks and four days – so you’ve been having more and more of these dreams. Memories with him, things you want to do when he gets home, just small tastes of the happiness you felt when you were with him. It’s getting closer and closer every day and you really can feel it.

With a small groan, you swing your legs out of bed and force yourself to get up. After Namjoon had left for the military, you’d found it seriously hard. Getting up was the worst part, you didn’t believe you could do it for even a second. The only reason you did was for your young daughter, just barely 4 years old back then. She would come in as dawn started to break, sniffling as she climbed into bed with you. She missed him too. Namjoon had hardly been away for a week before all of this – he’d fly the both of you out during tours so you wouldn’t have time to miss him too much. It was something of a shock for her when her daddy kissed her goodbye, promising to call and write as often as he could. Telling her day after day that daddy wasn’t coming home just yet was heart breaking. She just didn’t understand why he wasn’t here anymore.

It’s not as bad now. Her 6th birthday wasn’t too long ago, and Namjoon had managed to find the time to record a video message for her! The way young Jaehwa’s face lit up made that heaviness inside of your heart lift for just a few precious seconds. It was beautiful.

So, yeah. It’s been a real journey, but with your husband’s return in sight, everything felt just a little bit less challenging. You’ve already started to plan his Welcome Home party, complete with all the people he missed most (but not so many that it becomes overwhelming), his very favourite foods (his letters told you which ones he missed the most) and a few presents to see him home properly. A new book set from his favourite author, a new polaroid camera and a booking to the grand opening of an art gallery opening a few weeks after his homecoming. Everything is going to be perfect,

“48 days left, sweetheart. Daddy is going to be so proud of you,” You say encouragingly to Jaehwa as she sits down for breakfast. Your little girl has grown up so well over the last two years! Namjoon and you made sure to pick out the perfect school for her to start in while he was away, and she looks so sweet in her uniform. She takes pride in her work and is very popular in her class. Namjoon told you (on one of his incredibly rare phone calls) that he keeps that photo of you and her from her first day of school that you sent him in his breast pocket, right over his heart. He told you it was so that you’d always be with him, protecting him. You’d sobbed right there on the phone!

“Do you think he’ll still recognise me in my big girl clothes? I’m a lot bigger than since Daddy last saw me,” Jaehwa questions quietly. You smile sadly as you stroke her hair down from its messy state,

“Of course! We’ve been sending him pictures that he kept, and you know he’d be able to spot you in a crowd the size of his concerts. Daddy would never, ever forget you. He loves you too much,” You reassure her, putting down a bowl of cereal in front of her. ‘Brain food’, Namjoon always called it. No better way to start the day for a growing girl like his Jaehwa. You smile as another memory washes over you. God, you cannot wait to see him.

Just as you send Jaehwa off to get into her uniform ready for school, you hear a quick knock at the door. You sigh as you throw a glance at your watch, hoping it doesn’t take long. You’ve got an important meeting with Jaehwa’s teacher to get to after dropping her off for her Active Start Session before her classes,

“Mrs Kim,” A serious-looking man with a grim expression greets you when you open the door. You scan him quickly, seeing his military attire. You raise a cursory eyebrow as you invite him in, very politely mentioning that very important meeting, “Of course, of course. And little Jaehwa, she’s doing well at school, I assume? Sergeant Kim always told us she was going to be exceptional,”

“She is. Her teacher and I are actually going to be discussing new ways to keep her engaged. She finds it so easy in class,” You brag subtly, “Please, do sit, Marshall,” You nod graciously, knowing better than to refer to a military professional as ‘sir’. You remember Namjoon’s punishment when that fact slipped his mind. You try your best to hide your smile as you offer hot beverages that the Marshall waves away, “To what do I owe the pleasant surprise of your visit? I hope Namjoon hasn’t gotten into trouble,” You joke lightly, stifling that jolt of anxiety in your stomach. Military professionals always look grumpy. They’re too serious, that’s what Namjoon always says. His grim look means nothing,

“I’m so sorry to have to do this, Mrs Kim. Sergeant Kim, your husband… he was truly a good man, and an incredibly adept soldier,” The Marshall starts, eyes shifting around your living room uncomfortably. Your mind blanks. What is he trying to say? You’re about to stutter out a question when he continues, “What happened was entirely unexpected. We sent the sergeant out with his group on a routine reconnaissance at the border and…” He trails off again, shifting in his seat, “Something went wrong. I’m deeply sorry to say that there were no survivors. We have managed to recover the bodies, although I know this is no consolation. Mrs Kim, I cannot express enough how deeply we regret this. Sergeant Kim was…” The Marshall continues offering kind words in an attempt at a gentle voice, but you don’t hear it. The words ring in your ears, and your head feels tight and dark. Your chest hurts. Your eyes sting. Your hands shake. Your knees won’t work. What’s happening? What does this mean?

At some point, you let the Marshall out. You don’t remember getting up or seeing him out, but your body is suddenly pressed against the door frame and you slide down, tears falling thick, fast, hot and silent. What? Why? How? He can’t be. This isn’t real. Somewhere in the distance, you can hear Jaehwa calling out for you. You feel her hands on your arms, you see her blurred face peering at you through your tears. She looks scared. She’s crying. She wriggles into your arms, trying to get you to hold her, but you can’t respond. What’s happening? This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. Are you saying that out loud? Jaehwa is crumbling. She’s crying even harder. You can’t see her properly. You tighten your arms around her trembling body, holding her close to you. It doesn’t calm her. She cries harder, face tucked into your neck. She’s begging for you to tell her what happened. Where’s Daddy? What did that man want? What does survivors mean? What does it mean if there aren’t any? She hasn’t learned that word yet.

You miss your meeting that day. Jaehwa misses school. You can’t drive her. You can barely even hold your tears back long enough to try and tell her what’s going on. She doesn’t understand. Neither do you. Namjoon… he’s not. In 48 days, he’s going to come waltzing through that door, isn’t he? For the Welcome Home party? The museum and the books and the everything you had planned? He’ll hang his coat up on the rack and kiss you the way he’d been wanting to for two years. Surely he will. He can’t be gone… can he?

#bts #bts angst #bts namjoon #bts rm #bts scenarios #bts reactions

[eramsey28]

Waiting Game

This story deals with death and complications due to pregnancy

Disclaimer – Pixelberry own all characters, basic plot and some of the dialogue.

(Pairing Ethan Ramsey and my MC Dr Dawn Moore)

 “Eavesdropping again, are we, Moore?” Ethan Ramsey asked as soon as he noticed Dawn standing in the corridor watching him walking Mrs Martinez.

She looked down, slightly embarrassed, “No, of course not Dr Ramsey, it just looked like you were having fun. I was just on my way to my next patient, actually.”

“I care about the wellbeing of the patients in this hospital, Rookie. That’s all.” He told her, sternly.

“Right, ok I’d better go, Dolores Hudson isn’t going to examine herself.”

Ethan put a hand on her arm, stopping her, “Hold on, did you say Dolores Hudson?”

Dawn looked up at him, puzzled, “Yes?”

He frowned, “I’m coming with you.”

Dawn was delighted to find out from a heavily pregnant Dolores that she was one of Ethan’s few friends; they had known each other since his intern year at Edenbrook. She couldn’t wait to tell her friends that the intimidating attending actually had friends.

------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple of hours later, Dawn emerged with Ethan from Dolores’ room feeling emotional. Dolores had just been told she had preeclampsia and her baby was in danger. She was understandably angry and upset at the news and Dawn couldn’t help feeling like it was her fault.

Ethan stopped her outside the room, “Go home, Rookie. Your shift ended two hours ago.”

Dawn nodded her head in answer, too tired to fight. “Thanks, Doctor Ramsey, let me know if there’s any change.”

“Dawn, I’m taking you off this case. You’re too immature to handle it; I’ll do it alone.” He told her, he didn’t sound angry, just very serious.

She looked up at him, the hurt evident on her face. “Yes, Doctor Ramsey. See you tomorrow.”

She bumped into Bryce on her way to change and he offered to take her out to cheer her up. She looked up at him grateful for his offer of a distraction. Ethan’s words had really hurt her, she wasn’t immature!

He took her to a concert for a band he had never even heard of, they had a great time dancing and trying their best to sing along to songs they’d never heard before.

------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple of hours later, Bryce was just leaving Dawn outside her building when her pager went off. She looked down at it, frowning. “Oh, no.” She said, looking sad.

Bryce put a hand on her shoulder, “What is it, Dawn?” He asked her.

“My preeclampsia patient has just been rushed to emergency surgery. I have to get back to the hospital.”

He hugged her tightly, “If there’s anything I can do, let me know.”

Dawn thanked him and then headed for the train station.

When she arrived at the hospital, she found Ethan sitting alone in a waiting room; she paused before she said anything. His eyes were red rimmed and he’d obviously been crying.

“Dr Ramsey, what happened?” She asked him, quietly. She was about to ask him again, thinking he hadn’t heard her, when he finally answered her.

“Dolores had a seizure, full eclampsia. She was rushed into surgery; we had no choice but to deliver the baby. It’s fifty-fifty he’ll survive the night.” He swallowed a lump in his throat; his gaze fell to the floor.

Dawn felt sick, but she had to ask, “And Dolores?”

He looked up at her, the agony evident on his handsome face; in a voice barely above a whisper, he told her what she was dreading, “She died.”

Dawn felt the tears on her cheeks; she felt as though the wind had been knocked out of her, “Dr Ramsey, I’m so sorry.” She didn’t know what to say to him; she felt as though she had killed Dolores herself; she felt guilt but also she felt overwhelming sadness for the baby as well as for Doctor Ramsey.

“I’m fine,” he answered her as he stood and swiftly walked away, leaving her standing alone, in tears in the empty waiting room.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Dawn made her way to the NICU; she felt like she had to do something to make it up to Dolores. She decided to sit with the tiny baby overnight, as though her presence might save him. She took a seat on the loveseat by his cot and reached a gloved hand in to stroke his hand. His fingers instantly curled around her finger.

Her eye caught sight of his name then, “Ethan Hudson,” she read to herself, feeling fresh tears falling on her cheeks.

Ethan stood in the doorway, silently watching her as she held the baby’s hand. She was still wearing the black dress and heels she was wearing when she rushed in, he felt guilty for making her come back; she had obviously been out somewhere. He couldn’t help but notice how pretty she looked; the dress accentuated her curves and fell just above her knee. She looked exhausted and dejected as she sat there, whispering encouragement to the baby.

He cleared his throat, making his presence known, “Why are you still here?”

“I want to stay with him tonight. I hate the thought of him fighting for his life alone.”

“He isn’t alone though; there are plenty of doctors watching him, Rookie.”

“I know, but I want to be here.” She told him, her voice still hoarse from crying.

He nodded and then looked down at the baby, his expression gentle for a change.

“Mind if I join you?” He asked her.

She looked up at him in surprise, “Of course not, there’s plenty of room.”      

He snapped on a pair of gloves and then took a seat next to her. He reached into the cot and stroked the baby’s hand. Dawn watched the interaction and felt her eyes fill up with tears again; she turned her head away, hiding behind a curtain of her long, dark hair. Ethan noticed, of course.

He put a kind hand on her arm, surprising her. “I lost my first patient in my fourth week. He had stage four metastatic melanoma; I made no mistakes, he just fought like hell and lost. I liked him. He wasn’t much older than I am now. I knew he didn’t have long, but it still hit me hard. It happens to all of us, no matter what we do, we can’t save everyone.”

Dawn sniffled next to him, he grasped her hand in his, his fingers tracing soothing circles over her knuckles; she looked up at him, her green eyes shining with unshed tears. “Does it ever get easier?” She asked him.

He sighed, “Grieving a lost patient shouldn’t be seen as a weakness, Rookie. Good doctors should value life. I’d be more concerned if you weren’t upset. I want you to know, Dawn, this wasn’t you fault, or mine, or Dolores’s. We all made the best decisions we could at the time with the information we had.”

“But she trusted me, Dr Ramsey, she put her life in my hands and I let her down.” She cried harder, sobs escaping her now.

Ethan put an arm around her shoulders, drawing her close, “I know, always remember this; even when the patient is mean or stubborn, their life is in your hands; that responsibility has to come first.”

Dawn pulled back, “Why are you being so nice to me? You’re usually so…” She trailed off, unsure how to finish her sentence.

“Demanding?” He questioned, with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. He looked away, trying to think how to answer her; “There are doctors with unlimited patience, I’m not one of them. Energy I could use to make someone’s day better or socialising is put towards my patients. They’re who I’m here for.”

Dawn nodded her understanding, “But you are a teacher too.”

“I am. One of many, but you shouldn’t model yourself after any of us; idolatry among physicians is absurd. We’re here to teach you practical medicine, but you need to find your own way of being a doctor.”

Dawn looked puzzled for a moment, “But, how do I do that?” She looked uncertain.

Ethan couldn’t help smiling at her, “You already are, Rookie.” He swallowed and then looked down, a slight blush on his cheeks, “I’m sorry I called you immature earlier. You’re not and I shouldn’t have said it. You’ve handled this better than most experienced doctors would. I’m proud of you”

Dawn looked surprised for a moment, a blush heating her face, “Thank you, Doctor Ramsey. Apology accepted.” A comfortable silence fell over them for a few minutes. They took it in turns stroking the baby’s tiny hands and talking to him.

Dawn couldn’t take her eyes off the little name tag on the cot, her eyes would dart to it and then dart to Ethan; “She named him after you,” she told him, her tone matter of fact.

Ethan’s eyes fell on the name tag, showing a flash of surprise, his eyes filled with tears and he looked away. He swallowed audibly before answering, “I…I see she did.” He said eventually.

“You knew her a long time,” Dawn said, mostly to herself.

“I did. Over ten years; at first I only emailed her to check in, but she was recently divorced and lonely, so we emailed more and then we’d meet up for Sunday roasts or coffee sometimes.”

Dawn smiled, “She sounds like a good friend.”

“She was. I didn’t make friends easily, still don’t, I guess. I was always grateful to her for her friendship.” He swallowed and glanced back at baby Ethan, his eyes red.

He was surprised by the touch of Dawn’s hand on his, it felt warm and comforting. He looked into her big, green eyes; they were filled with warmth and compassion.

“I’m so sorry this happened.” She told him gently, not breaking eye contact.

He felt tears spring to his eyes, he didn’t know what to say, he couldn’t look away. “Me too,” he told her after a pause, before swiping at the tears beginning to run down his face.

They sat together all night; he made them cups of coffee with the secret machine in his office and they talked a lot, about a variety of things. Dawn felt like she was finally getting to know the real Ethan Ramsey and he wasn’t as scary or intimidating as she and her fellow interns had first thought.

She eventually fell asleep with her head resting on his broad shoulder. He looked down at her, a tender expression on his face. She had had a very hard day and he couldn’t help feeling proud of the way she had handled it. He felt warmth in his chest when he thought back to her comforting him. She really was one of a kind.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this one, it took me forever to write! If you would like to be added to my taglist, please let me know.

Taglist: @openheart12 @jamespotterthefirst

#open heart #open heart book 1 #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey fanfiction #dr ethan ramsey x mc #ethan jonah ramsey

[bobbystompy]

My Top 88 Songs Of 2020

Previously: 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

Though we couldn’t get as trim as last year’s 75, still very happy to keep this under 100 for the second year in a row. This was a very difficult year in many ways, but music helped make it more bearable.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track

Each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check them out for yourself; there is also a Spotify playlist at the bottom that includes the majority of the songs

Usually a pump up video goes here, but 2020 had a different energy, so Michael, take us in.

88) Katy Perry - “Smile”

Even Katy Perry’s good songs are a swirling spiral of maxed out auto-tune. This one is just fine. It’s... fine.

87) All Time Low - “Trouble Is...”

Is All Time Low the Katy Perry of pop punk?

86) Tee Grizzley f/ Payroll Giovanni - “Payroll”

I have never heard of Payroll Giovanni, but I have two questions:

1) Is this his song, and he got Tee to jump on it?

2) Or, did Tee write a song called “Payroll” and think to himself “You know who would be great on this? Payroll Giovanni!”

Favorite stretch:

Listen, we is not the same, you say "door", I say "dough" You say "floor", I say "flow", you say "for sure", I say "fa'sho"

85) Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande - “Rain On Me”

Coming out in 2020 probably hurt this song, because I have no, like, out of the house memories with it. You can only have so much fun with Big Singers Singing over a pulsing beat when it’s coming from the phone in your kitchen as you’re indifferently scrambling eggs.

84) Benjamin Gibbard - “Life In Quarantine”

Now this is a song you can do nothing to; almost feels like it’s reluctant to even exist. It got released in March of 2020, so the outro (“No one is going anywhere soon”) served as a too sad reminder/mantra for what the year was about to be. Second shout out to Gibbard for the many YouTube sets he put together during the early stages of the pandemic (when so many of his peers were trying to figure out the next move).

83) Cardi B f/ Megan Thee Stallion - “WAP”

This felt less like a song and more of a “whoa, did you see the music video?!” and/or a means to relitigate the eternal question “What is the sexual line in music?” And while it was fun to watch people freak the fuck out... the quality itself really needed to be better.

(Note: YouTube video is the edited chorus; explicit version here)

82) McKayla Maroney - “Wake Up Call”

Former Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney -- of medals and memes fame -- dips her toe into the music waters. It’s inside-the-box modern pop music. One thing that’s hard to escape: it doesn’t really sound like her.

81) Chelsea Cutler - “Sad Tonight”

He vocals really remind me of Alessia Cara.

80) blink-182 - “Quarantine”

Blink doing a Bad Religion impression. Docked a few points for the very weak chorus lyrics (“Quarantine, fuck this disease”). That said, as serious as the song comes off, there are some clever punchlines to be found.

79) Dave Hause & Brian Fallon - “Long Ride Home”

This is kind of a nothing song, but it’s easy listening. Also, if your guitar leads can’t clear the “Could Bobby have written or performed this?” bar, then said leads are probably pretty weak.

78) Travis Scott & Kid Cudi - “THE SCOTTS”

Two artists who pair so well together, it’s hard to tell who exudes more influence on the track (eh, that’s not true, it’s Travis Scott, but Kid Cudi is more of a roommate than guest). They want you to be high by the time the instrumental outro hits.

77) The Strokes - “Bad Decisions”

The beginning sound feels somewhat evolved, but by the time Julian Casablancas croons “Making bad decisions”, the song feels like it could be on their debut album “Is This It?”. And it goes in and out like that from there.

76) Thundercat - “Dragonball Durag”

Thundercat is one of those artists I wish I liked more, but when the occasional track does hit, it’s a momentary glimpse into what real fans seem to always see.

75) TI f/ Lil Baby - “Pardon”

Standard fare. Lil Baby’s cameo is very meh.

74) Porches - “Do U Wanna”

For a song that repeatedly asks “Do you want to dance?”, it sure makes you feel like you’re moving in slow motion.

73) NOFX - “Thatcher Fucked The Kids” 

On the best-named album of the year (“West Coast vs. Wessex”), Frank Turner and NOFX cover each other’s material. To start us off, the legends take a song from 12 years ago about British politics from 40 years ago and, well, very easily apply it to right god damn now in America.

72) The Bombpops - “Dearly Departed”

Ahh, my year’s first cancelled concert. The listed names in V1 always make me want to skip this song -- but patience, grasshopper. Chorus is aight.

71) Ratboys - “Alien With A Sleep Mask On”

This band name will never match what the music sounds like.

70) Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - “She’s There”

The vocals in this song channel, like, four completely different singers for me, ranging from Bob Dylan to Cloud Nothings.

69) NOBRO - “Don’t Die”

An anthemic chorus meant to be belted in a room with sweaty strangers.

68) Oliver Tree f/ blink-182 - “Let Me Down”

The original solo version of this song is 1:52, and though the blink cameo pushes it over the dreaded two minute mark, it adds enough diversity to justify the choice (keep an eye out for the quick Green Day lyrical nod in the back half).

67) AJJ - “Normalization Blues”

This dropped in January, and if you thought the year was bad then. Punk News:

I'll admit I do want the album to age badly because I really don't want to have to listen to it years later and still say this is the world we're living in.

Said album being titled “Good Luck Everybody” is straight cryptic.

66) Selena Gomez - “Rare”

Very chill for big pop; triplet rhythm singing in the chorus gets me erry time.

65) Kid Cudi & Eminem - “The Adventures Of Moon Man & Slim Shady”

Cudi’s second split collab yields bigger results than his Travis Scott joint (admittedly with a worse beat here). It rarely ever hurts to let Eminem do the heavy lifting.

64) Alkaline Trio - “Smokestack”

A little cheerier than the average Alk3 song, but Dan Andriano seems like he’s been in a great place for a long time now; confident and in control. For me, the whole song builds up to the “You changed my life” chorus.

63) Frank Turner - “Scavenger Type”

Here, Frank takes on the acoustic closer to NOFX’s legendary 1994 album “Punk In Drublic”. Though the energy boost is most noticeable, my favorite part is how you can hear how much Turner loves this song as his melody bursts on the verses.

62) Mike Posner - “Alone In A Mansion”

Mike Posner, an artist I have a very soft spot for, released a storytelling concept album in 2020. From the intro track:

This album was written, recorded, and produced over a period of two weeks in Detroit, Michigan in my parents' basement. It's meant to be listened to all the way through. At least on the first listen. And it's about 36 minutes long. If you can't devote 36 minutes of undivided attention to this album, I again politely ask that you turn it off and return at a later time. I love you and I thank you for taking the time to listen in the first place. Also, it's important to note that the characters and the stories in this album are completely fictional. In addition, anyone struggling with a mental illness - depression, schizophrenia - should not listen to this album. Turn it off.

So those are the stakes. Pulling this song -- the record’s closer -- feels unfair void of context, but them’s the breaks.

61) Nada Surf - “Just Wait”

Heavy hitting chorus without having to be heavy; this could really work in a movie.

60) Matt Pond PA - “Wild Heart”

This having only 805 views on YouTube is criminal.

59) Liquid Death - “Unnecessary And Unimpressive”

Liquid Death -- in this iteration -- is a punk rock supergroup with members of Rise Against, Anti-Flag, The Lawrence Arms, and The Bombpops. If that didn’t interest you enough, all lyrics in the project (which, I believe, is for charity) come from hateful comments or negative reviews. Of the four artists involved, this sounds most like a Bombpops song, with Jen on lead vocals as others chime in.

58) PUP - “Rot”

Off my silver medalist for album name of the year (“This Place Sucks Ass”), PUP doesn’t do anything new here, but it was relieving to see them still going in 2020 when so many others got roadblocked, both physically and creatively.

57) Paul Harrold and the Nuclear Bandits - “Massanutten”

This reminds me of local Chicago artist Al Scorch. So much earnestness in the vocals, but a little more prairie for Harrold compared to speakeasy for Scorch. This would be a good road trip song. And I’m not talking about singalong... more for the stretch where you want to sit in silence and look out at the sun-kissed land blazing by. The song’s greatest victory is getting me to like something that cracks 6:00.

Note to future me: Massanutten is in Virginia (saved you a Google).

56) Kesha f/ Sturgill Simpson, Brian Wilson & Wrabel - “Resentment”

Kesha has been vulnerable in the past but never this stripped down sonically; the chorus would feel right at home on a country radio station. Love a good bridge, too.

55) Megan Thee Stallion f/ Beyoncé - “Savage (Remix)”

An up-and-comer pairing with a legend rarely lets down when both sides are this locked in. Bey wins. Fav line: “If you don't jump to put jeans on, baby, you don't feel my pain”.

She matches flows with Megan but also brings melody. Her blessing takes this song from pretty damn good to undeniably great.

That beat, too.

54) Red City Radio - “Baby Of The Year”

If all you want to do right now is grab a drink in a bar, here is a video built to troll.

(Also: a Liquid Death cameo?!)

53) Nathaniel Rateliff - “And It’s Still Alright”

The last time Mr. Rateliff had our attention, he just wanted a drink. That hit had a chorus with the very-sad-when-removed-from-the-song “If I can't get clean, I'm gonna drink my life away” lyric. Well, our man got sober since. And when the party is over, the introspection comes.

52) Direct Hit! - “HAVE YOU SEEN IT?”

Listening to slowed down Direct Hit! is like watching Usain Bolt lightly jog. It kinda makes sense because the core action is there, but it also feels sort of incorrect.

51) Hayley Williams - “Dead Horse”

Solo Hayley songs have this feel like they could do anything at any time... but then don’t. This one does the same until a very fun chorus breaks it up.

50) Kid Cudi f/ Phoebe Bridgers - “Lovin’ Me”

Probably the most improbable collab on this list (if 2020 hadn’t repeatedly taught us to not be surprised by anything).

49) The Homeless Gospel Choir - “Don’t Compare”

Listening to The Homeless Gospel Choir is kind of like getting a dedicated pep talk from a good friend... while fire rains down from the sky.

48) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Let’s Sort The Whole Thing Out”

Queen vocals with one prince of a tempo; this chorus is Sour Patch Kids riding Twix logs down a soda pop waterfall -- and it’s a b-side.

47) Green Day - “Meet Me On The Roof”

I like this song because it reminds me of summer and because it doesn’t really sound like Green Day (but still totally does).

46) Broadway Calls - “Meet Me On The Moon”

Promise -- swear -- I was gonna compare this Broadway Calls song to Green Day before realizing they both had titles about meeting in an escalated location. That said, I did put them next together on purpose to more coherently make this point.

45) David Rokos - “Building Bridges”

My buddy Dave wrote this song, and I think I’ve asked him three times what “burning sugar” meant (he says it’s a reference to absinthe). This song will make you want to travel to enjoy not only the places but the people around you.

44) Charli XCX - “claws”

Charli XCX keeps it futuristic in a video that could be described as sexy, cheesy, goofy, and playful-yet-serious.

43) Brian Fallon - “Lonely For You Only”

This is too easy and should not work (and maybe doesn’t). But that chorus... that circular phrasing... it still takes me all the way out. But I’m the same cat who proposed while a Gaslight Anthem cover was playing.

42) Waxahatchee - “Fire”

This song could be in a different language and hit just as hard.

41) Harry Styles - “Adore You”

Purifying pop.

40) Local H - “Hold That Thought”

Hardest rock song thus far. Local H was one of the first artists to play “live” once the lockdown hit (on a simultaneous YouTube/Facebook stream), and watching them attack music in their Chicago practice bunker felt a little bit like taking in the end of the world. New songs, old songs, covers -- it didn’t matter; their cool, unmatched apathy fits a pandemic or peacetime.

Ironically, was able to see them live in 2020, as they played a socially distanced, outdoor drive up concert in a minor league baseball parking lot. It wasn’t the same, but it was still something.

39) Crazy & The Brains - “I Don’t Deliver Pizza Anymore”

This song is just cool*. The verses feel tense and crucial, it starts to unspool in the pre-chorus, and the chorus itself feels like a light comedown more than anything else.

(* -  though the lyric video is docked some points for spelling y’all as “ya’ll”)

38) Drake f/ Fivio Foreign & Sosa Geek - “Demons”

Menacing Drizzy can be very fun from time to time. Also more than happy to keep “Toosie Slide” very far away from this list.

37) Hey Dad!!! - “Life’s Alright”

Small band, big song; though summer feels light-years away.

36) insignificant other - “i’m so glad i feel this way about you”

This song lands a big haymaker in the first few seconds, so it was probably a good call to pull back some for the chorus and, eventually, outro.

35) BTS - “Dynamite”

Heard they made the lyrics bad on purpose for their English hit, which makes sense, because they’re bad. That said, if you listen knowing they’re supposed to be bad, it kinda makes them... good? Listen, 771 million views would have me singing nursery rhymes in Pig Latin.

34) DaBaby f/ RODDY RICCH - “ROCKSTAR”

Someone said this could be the song of the summer, but, because there wasn’t really a summer, I feel like I only heard it once all year. Also, are we really pretending Post Malone* didn’t just do a “like a rockstar” song three years ago?

(* - and N.E.R.D. before that and Cypress Hill before that... though N.E.R.D. only waiting a year after Cypress, so maybe DaBaby actually was patient)

33) The Front Bottoms - “the hard way”

Don’t take it easy on the animal / I am the animal

Not quite sure what this line means, but I fixate on the phrasing every single time. This song sounds resigned in a very self-aware way.

32) The 1975 - “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)”

For a band called The 1975, they sure sound like they’re on their ‘80s shit here. Also, a real thing that happened:

Me: Is he coercing her to get naked?! I thought this band was woke.

/scans lyrics

/notices “She said” before the “Maybe I would like you better if you took off your clothes” line

Me: Ahh.

Sax solo, take us out.

31) Charly Bliss & PUP - “It’s Christmas And I Fucking Miss You”

A song that is already a forever staple on all my future Xmas playlists.

30) 2 Chainz f/ Ty Dolla $ign & Lil Duval - “Can’t Go For That”

Shorty said she love me / I said “I love me back”

This is a real genre blur; rap at its core, but also soulful, funky, and very danceable. Damn creative.

29) Billie Eilish - “Therefore I Am”

Billie's 2020 gave a few singles -- but no new album -- and a body shaming scandal where the backlash to the backlash probably caused more headlines than the tweet that started it all. Still, she stays on cruise control above the clouds; can all eyes be on you if they can’t even make you out?

Video for this is fun, too. Not sure if her running amok in an empty mall is more of a COVID necessity or commentary on the dying retail industry. As always with her, fill in your own blanks for now.

28) Future f/ Drake - “Life Is Good”

This was my most listened to rap song in the first half of the year, and bumping again now, almost forgot how good it is. Drake just chasing one-liner Instagram captions in the first half:

- “Haven’t done my taxes, I’m too turnt up”

- “N****s caught me slipping once, OK, so what?”

- “B****, this is fame not clout, I don’t even know what that’s about”

And, of course, “Workin’ on the weekend like usual”. The man could make anything glamorous. Let’s hit that H&R Block, bro!

Future’s back half is a totally different song and feels mostly like noise, but the vibe is cool, so I don’t even totally mean that in a bad way. You can even make out a “Got Promethazine in my blood and Percocet” lyric to mark your Future bingo card and immediately move on.

27) I’m Glad It’s You - “The Silver Cord”

This song feels like cold air blowing on the back of your neck.

(Sidebar: thought this band was called The Silver Cord until literally right now)

26) The Spill Canvas - “Mercy”

A dreamy, distorted, at-home version of whatever you remember The Spill Canvas sounding like. This song is confessional and at peace, with the Grade A self-loathing we’ve come to love from this band.

25) 100 gecs f/ Charli XCX, Rico Nasty & Kero Kero Bonito - “ringtone (remix)”

100 gecs first hit my radar with the explosively obnoxious “money machine”, but that’s a 2019er, so this remix to “ringtone” will have to do. It’s catchy like a younger sibling persistently singing a song you’re sick of hearing*.

(* - /only child trying to work in sibling analogies)

24) iann dior f/ Machine Gun Kelly & Travis Barker - “Sick And Tired”

Iann Dior -- ...yeah -- channels Juice WRLD on the hook, and MGK/Travis Barker buoy a track that, honestly, doesn’t really even need the help.

23) Nick Lutsko - “Unleash Your Spirit”

Lutsko hit my radar on Twitter with some legendary political anthems (word to the RNC and Dan Bongino + his Dashboard Trump parody). “Unleash Your Spirit” is the song I most fear hearing (or even thinking of) within a few minutes of going to bed. Not because it’s Halloween theme is scary -- because it’s that god damn catchy. It permeates your brain. True story: a week ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with “Bobbing for apples with the boys” so ingrained in my head, it felt like someone was standing there yelling it through a megaphone.

22) Dogleg - “Kawasaki Backflip”

Bad 2020 robbed many concerts from us, and not getting to see this band live might take the cake. I end the year liking them but could have been *all in* with the right performance and the right venue. Also, Song Title of the Year until further notice.

21) Eminem f/ Juice WRLD - “Godzilla”

Eminem has all of the words and all of the lyrical dexterity, but sometimes it feels like there isn’t anything to ground him. Enter: one of the best beats he’s ever spit on and a Juice WRLD hook to give it pop angle. But let’s not put Slim in the corner -- when he starts accelerating at the end, it’s is a true “holy fuck” moment. It sounds faster than if you actually fast forwarded.

The video ends with a touching audio message from Juice WRLD.

20) Soccer Mommy - “circle the drain”

This song is so gloriously ‘90s; it leans in and does not care.

19) Sam Russo - “Always Lost”

The first time I met you, we were on the last bus You passed me a bottle, and I knew you were one of us

Took 25 words to hook me; I was txting friends before the first chorus even hit.

18) Sincere Engineer - “Trust Me”

Deanna Belos pushes her vocals in this one. I asked about the performance, and she said it was one of the first ones they recorded in the studio, but when they were done and listening back to everything, she re-did this track because her throat was much more used to what the song required.

“That’s why it sounds like I’m on roids lol,” she added.

17) Jay Electronica f/ JAY-Z - “Flux Capacitor”

Jay Electronica signed to Roc Nation in November of 2010. At of the start of 2020, he had still -- STILL HOW FUCKING STILL -- not released a debut album. When he announced it was finally dropping in February, it was met with skeptic eyes. He’d “announced” before. Shit, he’d even posted track lists of albums that never saw the light of day. He was a tease’s tease. It ended up getting a release date of March 12. As the pandemic got really bad in the March 11 zone, he finally had an actual reason to delay the proceedings (the plan: a studio live stream listening party*).

But no -- this is Jay Electronica. Why wouldn’t he drop as the world was ending? The same reason why his costar wouldn’t not have a watch like a Saudi prince. It had to end for it to happen. I wish I saved the memes, because they were fantastic. All I have is my own Twitter memory to prove it happened:

I love this song entirely: the “get the gat” hook (soooo New Orleans), Hov calling out the NFL/acquaintances clout chasing his potential death/rapping forever bars, Jay Elect’s ham-fisted and awkward ass Farrakhan line. Everything is exactly where it should be.

Final verdict on the full album: I don’t know, a B or B+? It had a lot more Jay-Z than expected (wooo), but -- and I rarely say this -- it could have actually been longer.

16) New Found Glory - “Greatest Of All Time”

NFG with a song referencing the Jordan-Rodman-Pippen Bulls only a few months before “The Last Dance” aired. Dare we call it marketing genius? The punk beat does not care; the punk beat is too busy taking souls.

15) Dave Hause f/ Amythyst Kiah & Kam Franklin - “Your Ghost”

“I can’t breathe”

On the heels of the George Floyd/BLM protests came Dave Hause’s somber attempt to capture the moment, desperation, and hurt. On a podcast, he said he was aware he might not ever lead the movement but still wanted to contribute something in an effort to use his platform as a white artist to change someone, anyone’s mind going forward.

14) Taylor Swift - “this me trying”

The chorus makes me feel like the crowd is parting like the Red Sea on a high school -- shit, no, middle school -- dance floor; smoke machine and all. Your crush is waiting for you on the other side. What are you going to say?

13) Phoebe Bridgers - “Kyoto”

Phoebe is one of the best lyricists out because of her specificity, but even though this song is about her dad, you can really fit it to your own narrative.

12) The Lawrence Arms - “Last, Last Words”

The Lawrence Arms wrote their new record (which singer Chris McCaughan described as “this end of the world outpost”) prior to the pandemic, but once you start to process album themes -- and research its namesake -- you do wonder. All of this, combined with some “Catcher In The Rye” references, and we’ve got ourselves a winning formula.

Dressed to kill for oblivion 

11) New Lenox - “Fairytale Of Gary, Indiana”

Your boy plays drums and is on the cover art for this one. Dave Rokos wrote the tune, which references The Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York”. Good news: no slurs in the Gary version. We’ll have you in and out in 90 seconds. Also: say hello to the recording debut of Alisa Caruso (some backup vox at the end). 

10) Beach Slang - “Tommy In The 80s”

My most played song of 2020, but it really was more of a byproduct of how early in the year the album dropped. I’m still such a sucker for it, though. Other than forced nostalgia, not totally sure what the track is about. Did learn Beach Slang recruited former Replacements bassist Tommy Stinson to play on their LP, which was named -- /deepest of breaths -- “The Deadbeat Bang of Heartbreak City” (so maybe it has something to do with that).

9) Juice WRLD f/ Mashmello - “Come & Go”

The :55 mark. Wait until the :55 mark. When the guitar kicks in and tempo doubles, we have a real “oh, shit!” moment. I knew who Juice was when he passed but only “Liquid Dreams”. His 2020 album (“Legends Never Die”) showed us of what could have been; 55 minutes, loaded with cameos and creativity and experimentation. This song had me in its gravitational pull immediately. By the end of the year, they were using it on sports broadcasts, and it felt like a ubiquitous part of the culture.

One of my favorite days of 2020 was visiting the Juice mural in Chicago with my wife. We went impulsively during the day after someone posted a picture on Twitter.

I snapped one of my own and posted to IG with the Signals Midwest lyric “There is such quiet grace in private moments in public spaces”. The band responded with “RIP JUICE”; the perfect online exchange.

Shortly after, I was out with a different group of friends, and we went back at night. This time, it was protected by a fence you had to squeeze past. When we got through, there were kids in there smoking, taking pictures, just hanging out; empty liquor bottles lined the bottom of the mural. Even though it didn’t take all that long to make it there, it still felt like a journey and total ‘movie moment in real life’; a complete rarity in a year like 2020.

8) Mac Miller - “Good News”

Maybe I’ll lay down for a little...

Sadly continuing the theme of artists gone too soon, we have this reflective Mac Miller single, which feels more like self-eulogy than traditional rap. You feel it the entire time. The song crests with “There’s a whole lot more for me waitin’ on the other side”, and it conveys a readiness for whatever happens next.

7) The Dirty Nil - “Done With Drugs”

I don’t pray to Jesus or even own a suit

We lost the creators of our last two songs to substances, and, if we are to take this song at face value, The Dirty Nil don’t want to go down the same path. Drying out never sounded so cool and defiant... until the IKEA suggestion.

6) The Weeknd - “Blinding Lights”

Uptempo Abel is undefeated. My favorite pop song of 2020 has you feeling like you’re speeding through the empty streets of nighttime Las Vegas in a stolen car; indifferent to your environment, only tuned in to your personal desire.

And, on the lamer side of the spectrum, it spawned a catchy TikTok dance.

5) Spanish Love Songs - “Self-Destruction (As A Sensible Career Choice)”

It won’t be this bleak forever... yeah, right.

SLS has always been over-the-top with their lyrics spotlighting the hopelessness of the human condition -- so it was the *perfect* combo to being locked inside with nothing looking to forward to. Bonus: fun cake video.

Though the song’s core is uncut despair, a random moment I remember from 2020 was my wife telling me “I can hear you smiling as you’re singing” from another room as I belted the despondent chorus.

4) Worst Party Ever - “False Teeth”

This song sounds like The Front Bottoms; insecure yet so full.

3) Run The Jewels - “the ground below”

There were a lot of songs *about* 2020, but I’m not sure any artist soundtracked what being alive now is like more than RTJ. My favorite rap song and rap record of 2020.

Fav Killer Mike line: “Not a holy man, but I'm moral in my perversiveness / So I support the sex workers unionizing their services”

Fav El-P line: “I'll slap a dying child he don't pronounce my name correct”

2) The Menzingers - “America Pt. 2″

The Menzingers unexpectedly released an acoustic, re-done version of 2019′s “America (You’re Freaking Me Out)” single. It dropped on my birthday -- June 5th, 2020 -- as the rage in this country boiled over and protesters took to the streets. Though some of the lyrics remained the same, the new ones were changed with true purpose:

Well George Floyd was murdered by a cop The whole world saw the video and watched Now justice is long overdue Grab your pitchforks, we’re heading to Pennsylvania Avenue

I had nothing left when the first pre-chorus hit: “I hope the Devil and Donald and Mitch McConnell rot in hell for all tomorrows”. Tattoo this on my fucking soul.

All funds from the song were donated to Community Bail Funds (via Act Blue) & Campaign Zero. I purchased the track before hearing a note.

1) Machine Gun Kelly - “My Bloody Valentine”

Going into the year, I couldn’t tell you the difference between Machine Gun Kelly and Mac Miller -- now they’re both fixtures in this Top 10. All I really knew about MGK involved tattoos and a rap battle lost to Eminem (not that anyone ever beats Eminem).

In 2020, he took a punk/emo turn, with the services of GOAT drummer Travis Barker and new squeeze Megan Fox at his side. This song’s lyrics could potentially be cheesy but aren’t -- they all land. From the simulation going bad to not wanting “fake love” to all the damn second guessing and the earnestness that just won’t let you off the mat.

Every piece to the puzzle adds something: the messy hair, the Ken doll build, the forced iconic pink guitar that now feels actually iconic. It was almost like no one had any fun this year so he could have all of it on our behalf. There’s a half second shot of him sticking his tongue our during the pre-chorus, a joy 99.99% of us never got to feel.

The album itself was just as fantastic*; a 2000′s pop punk throwback with a Halsey duet, horrible skits (hi, Pete Davidson FaceTime), OpIvy lyrical nod (complete with a royalty check), a warp speed punk track that doesn’t even crack the minute mark, your token 6/8 ballad, acoustic closer (about his daughter), and some experimentation that leaves the new genre but still stays nearby; shades of Lil Peep, if he had Blink-182 as his backing band. Speaking of, please do not miss Travis’ fill at the 2:30 mark.

(* - named “Tickets To My Downfall”... woof)

MGK could get cancelled tomorrow, but we’ll always have this year in a bottle. The acoustic version of the song (sung in a lower resister), the 10 minute making of video (that I watched, uh, twice)... shit, he even turned it into a medley at the start of 2021.

It might be cliche to say “stay winning”, but when someone stacks this many W’s with no end in sight, what the fuck else do you call it? Real love.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading. Here is the Spotify playlist (includes 87 of the 88 songs).

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