My Top 94 Songs Of 2021
Previously: 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011
2021, will you think about me?
Vampire Weekend sang this line in 2019, and it might as wellâve been 57 years ago. What a god damn time. List is up only a touch from last yearâs 88 count, so thatâs nice.
As always, criteria and info:
This is a list of what I personally like, not ones Iâm saying are the âbestâ from the year; more subjective than objective
No artist is featured more than once
If it comes down to choosing between two songs, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track
Each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check them out for yourself; there is also a Spotify playlist at the bottom that includes the majority of the songs
Our intro video will be a Vin Diesel song I am cursing the fast and/or furious heavens for coming out in 2020 and not 2021.
If happy Vin isnât your jam, here a link to a more somber Vin. Now everyone gets to be happy. Letâs go.
94) Descendents -Â âBaby Doncha Knowâ
This song probably doesnât need to exist. But, if something doesnât need to exist and is still less than a minute long, thatâs quite alright.
93) Kings Of Leon -Â âThe Banditâ
Itâs fine; they know what theyâre doing, and the instrumentals are tight. Chorus seems ripe to explode, but the lyrics are kinda boring.
92) Silk Sonic - âLeave The Door Openâ
This song did big numbers, but I was never that excited to listen to it whenever it came up on a playlist. Itâs smooth though; old school feel, through and through. Dudes are so smiley and nod-y in this video -- itâs somewhat unsettling.
91) GaTa - âCheck Upâ
Mostly a reason to mention Dave as my favorite show on television. GaTa -- who plays a character on the show named, well, GaTa -- is one of the big reasons why; a complex dude you break your back rooting for. He raps this on top of his car for some kids, and he might as well be in a sold out arena. Youâre just as happy as he and the kids are in that moment.
Bonus points for him making fun of a Deadhead to start the actual music video.
90)Â BLĂ EYES - âsupposed toâ
I want this in my grocery stores, and I want this in in my grocery stores now.
89) The Hold Steady - âFamily Farmâ
'Cause they're never gonna love you that one specific way that you want 'em all to love you
This is the third straight THS record where the year ended, and I thought âReally shouldâve listened to this moreâ, and, honestly, this one more even more than the previous two. They continue to be our teachers.
88) Get Well Cards -Â âLights Outâ
Get Well Cards put up their entire discography on streaming services in 2021, and with that collection came this new song. Big chorus like weâve come to expect, and super fun guitar leads throughout (particularly in the pre-chorus).
87) The Kid LAROI f/ Justin Bieber -Â âStayâ
A lot going on here, so letâs do bullet points:
- No idea who The Kid LAROI is
- This song starts with a god damn Beats ad; itâs literally the first shot of the video
- 427 million views on YouTube!
- Want to dislike this, but up-tempo pop that doesnât even crack the 3:00 mark is a rare thing, so sign me up
- Would love to hear this track with The Weekndâs vocals
86) Nick Jonas -Â â2Drunkâ
Nick Jonas gettinâ his R&B on. Similar lyrical content to Mike Posnerâs, âBow Chicka Wow Wowâ; a little more in control, though.
85) Clairo - âAmoebaâ
A solid song with a cool chorus that really adds focus.
84) Cristobal Tapia De Veer -Â âAloha!â (White Lotus Theme)
The White Lotus was a gorgeous, somewhat disappointing, and very stressful TV show -- but this theme knocks it out of the park; catchy, weaving, haunting, and unlike anything youâve ever heard before. By far the most sonically diverse song you will hear on this list.
(Sidebar: went to a buddyâs house at 10 p.m.-ish on a Friday night this past fall, and when I tapped on the door, he didnât answer. I txtâd as I started to drive away, assuming he was asleep. He responded quickly, imploring me to come back. When I got there, he was insistent he hadnât dozed off on the couch -- he was watching The White Lotus. He even went outside to simulate my knock while I took his place on the couch and he blasted the theme; he was right, it overpowered everything else.)
83) Ida Maria - âDirty Moneyâ
Havenât really kept up with Ida Maria for a decade or so, but she sounds as great as ever.
82) Jensen McRae -Â âImmuneâ
This one started out as a :52 second song on Twitter.
It ended as a real song on Spotify, with the original video sitting at 2.4 million views. Not huge on the chorus, but the verses are some wonderful pandemic storytelling through that indie emo lens:
I think the nurse that gave our shots is judging us
Can she tell that we just fucked the friendship up?
As we leave, I turn to you, ask how it feels to be immune
And you know what I mean a bit too much
Haha, so good.
81) Lana Del Rey - âLet Me Love You Like A Womanâ
Lana Del Reyâs second to last record, Norman Fucking Rockwell!, was such a classic, it was almost like anything she did after would feel like a letdown by comparison. Her latest album -- Chemtrails Over The Country Club -- never really grabbed me, but this single helped prop it up some; will never not enjoy hearing her sing. This one floats on air.
80) Local H -Â âHackensackâ
Chicagoâs hardest rocking duo pulls back to cover this Fountains Of Wayne deep cut. As someone who also worked in a record store and pined for someone to come back home, itâs a song that always made me gaze and dream; letting you pine for your lifeâs best case scenario while youâre actually doing something definitively less remarkable. Singer Scott Lucas clearly also felt a connection:
I was always about a degree or two of separation from Adam Schlesinger, so when he died of complications from coronavirus last year, it hit me kind of hard. We were nearly the same age and his passing made me realize that perhaps I wasnât as safe from the virus as Iâd believed. I suddenly felt a little older â and a lot more vulnerable.
But more than that, Adamâs passing was so sad because he seemed like such a nice guy âI have plenty of friends who actually did meet him, and can attest to that â and nobody likes to see a nice guy go. Despite what I wrote earlier about being old, 52 was way too young, so the sadness was compounded by a feeling of senselessness. It didnât have to happen. Â
Fountains Of Wayneâs âHackensackâ has always been famous for being the song with the lyric about Christopher Walken in it, but in the wake of Adamâs death it was the lyrics to the chorus that took on a new heartbreaking depth:
But I will wait for you
As long as I need to
And if you ever get back to Hackensack
Iâll be here for you
It no longer felt like a song about a guy who carries a torch for an old high school crush. Suddenly, it was a hymn to the people weâd lost. An almost Poe-like cry to the great beyond (or from the beyond!), a longing for some mutual communion between the living and the dead. Wait for me and I will wait for you. Kinda creepy, sure â but also kinda beautiful. Like all great songwriters, Schlesinger had written his own tribute and epitaph with âHackensack.â Something that could live on.
And most importantly â something that could soften the memory of how much it fucking sucks to lose someone like Adam.
79) Lorde - âStoned At The Nail Salonâ
This songâs chorus always kept me away from it, but any time I did take the extra step to put it on, the vulnerable verse/first half of the chorus always validated the selection. The album itâs on though? Mehhh.
(This isnât to say I donât want to try being stoned at a nail salon.)
78) WORM - âLike Thatâ
Tom Riordanâs latest project is a little more experimental and dance-y than The Brother Whys. The only question is how he got Worm as a childhood nickname.
77) Nicki Minaj f/ Drake & Lil Wayne - âSeeing Greenâ
Pure nostalgia pick; feels good to have these three back together, even if Nicki fired off one of the dumbest tweets of the year, and I havenât at *all* reconciled Lil Wayneâs 2016 heel turn.
MVP: Drake. Such a fun, confident verse. Heâs in mid-career JAY-Z mode at this point. And youâre either gonna love or hate his âTryna run a country like Putin one day, but who's rushin'?â attempt.
But yeah, think I might be done with her after this.
76) Drug Church - âDetective Lieutenantâ
Their guitar leads continue to sound thee coolest.
75) Spanish Love Songs - âPhantom Limbâ
This new SLS didnât show a ton of growth, but when your brand is âyo, the world SUCKSâ, do you really need to grow*? Still, some did derealization better, and thatâs a teaser, yo.
(* - reminds me of the class Office Space line where non-famous Michael Bolton refuses to change his name because famous Michael Bolton is âthe one who sucksâ)
74) Nipsey Hussle f/ JAY-Z - âWhat It Feels Likeâ
I arrived on the day Fred Hampton got murâ, hol' up
Assassinated, just to clarify further
Hov caught some shit from Fred Hampton Jr. in 2011 when he rapped âI arrived on the day Fred Hampton diedâ on a Watch The Throne track.
Hampton Jr. took umbrage with Jay-Z's Throne line and railed against the Brooklyn native. "Fred Hampton didn't die," Hampton Jr. offered. "He was assassinated. Saying Fred Hampton died is like the school teacher telling students that Christopher Columbus discovered America."
Fences are now mended, as this appeared on the Judas and the Black Messiah soundtrack.
73) Sydney Sprague -Â âsteveâ
This song rips and rules; reeeeeeeally wish I listened to the album more. Whole thing has such a big sound, especially for the genre. Chorus makes me bob my head and drop my neck.
72) Bon Iver - âSecond Natureâ
This one scores the closing credits of Donât Look Up, one of my favorite movies of the last 15 years. Itâs standard Bon Iver quality, and my association with the positive memory of hearing it for the first time while watching that movie will always give it a built in advantage.
71) The Killers -Â âTerrible Thingâ
The cars I was dealt will get you thrown out of the game
This song makes me afraid of it finding the wrong person; Killers still in Bruce Springsteen mode. Somber, alone-in-your-bedroom music.
70) Justin Bieber - âGhostâ
What up, Biebs? And Diane Keaton?! Just an undeniable vocal performance in that chorus. This song seems like it should be so easy to make fun of, but both it and the video stick the landing.
69) Mike Shinoda f/ iann diorr & UPSAHL -Â âHappy Endingsâ
This whole last year was a shitshow
Which year, Mike? I like this songâs idea of post-happy happiness.
68) Bloc Party - âTrapsâ
This song gets after it like Bloc Party always can. The chorus leaves you wanting a liiiitle more, but a few times through, you can definitely talk yourself into it.
67) The War On Drugs f/ Lucius - âI Donât Live Here Anymoreâ
Sometimes, you just gotta give the kid the candy. Always thought this bandâs singer sounded like Bob Dylan, so them referencing attending of his shows in one of their songs was always gonna make this latch onto my brain more than any of the others on their new record.
(Also: the Song Exploder pod on this song really made me appreciate it more.)
66) Barely March - â2002 (2009)â
This reminds me of all the fun parts of listening to Jeff Rosenstock; chorus makes you tap your feet and swing your head back and forth; love the year switch up, too.
65) Frank Turner - âHavenât Been Doing So Wellâ
The world continues to erode Frankâs mental health, and can you really blame him? Still, he finds a way to make sadness simultaneously anthemic and cathartic.
64) The Muslims - âFuck These Fuckin Fascistsâ
Why talk about the song -- which, you know, kind of explains itself -- when we could dive into the bandâs bio?
The Muslims are the only true punks to have ever existed. Drawing from the influence of the most legendary artists and revolutionaries of our time, they have successfully synthesized the âfuck youâ energy of the oppressed into an ass-kicking, head-smashing, fascist-punching sonic experience. This all-queer, Black & Brown punk band emerged onto the U.S. music scene shortly after the inauguration of 45 in 2017, and have been chugging white tears and destroying lives ever since.
It... lives up to that.
63) Brett Conlin & The Midnight Miles -Â âThanks For The Gas Moneyâ
Well, I hope you enjoyed the show
Or at least a little background music while you stare at your fucking phones
Gonna grab the low hanging fruit and say this song has some -- /gulp -- mileage on it; such an earnest chorus. As a disciple of punk rock and 20+ year vet in the music game, it was bound to resonate.
62) New Lenox - âKindlingâ
The dudes in New Lenox kicked it up a notch on their 17th annual Xmas EP. This one is part one of a three song set thatâs basically one long song; word to NOFXâs âThe Declineâ for minor inspiration.
61) LiL Lotus - âRooftopâ
Fun and easy.
60) Origami Angel - âFootloose Cannonball Brothersâ
Seemed like everybody in the punk scene couldnât get enough of their record this year. The song titles were certainly worth some praise (or at least a chuckle):
- âNoah Fenceâ
- âBed Bath & Batman Beyondâ
And, my favorite:
- âNeutrogena Spektorâ
This one kinda reminds me of slightly happier Bayside.
59) Limp Bizkit - âGoodbyeâ
Limp Bizkit is either intentionally goofy or very serious with pretty poor execution. This one finds the rare balance of serious with not-too-shabby execution. Probably ranked a little too high, but Iâm just impressed they pulled that off.
Here is where I note I saw LB in 2021. Recap here.
58) Ed Sheeran -Â âBad Habitsâ
I mean this as a compliment, but if you told me Sheeran wrote this in less than five minutes, Iâd believe you. A pulsating chorus, as he roves around the city like Matt Skiba, looking 0% threatening.
57) Angel Du$t -Â âNever Ending Gameâ
Spent a minor chunk of time trying to figure out who this singer sounds like, and the comp never came to me. This song feels light and cleansing; all the more surprising coming from a band that, Iâm told, started out as hardcore.
Update: is the Blur singer the comp?!
56) Kacey Musgraves -Â âjustifiedâ
Healing doesnât happen in a straight line
Sheâs good at what she does. This songâs light chorus makes you forget the urgency of the other parts. Hopefully the process of making this divorce record helped ease the pain of actually going through it.
55) New Found Glory -Â âBackseatâ
NFG: still lovesick and coming on strong, like puppy dogs who donât realize they peed on the floor because they were just so excited to see you.
54) NOFX - âFuck Euphemismâ
Gender pronoun barfight!
This song is interesting and exhausting. Probably most notable for teaching me the pronoun âperâ:
Per is short for person. Fat Mike in the Spin Magazine interview 2/2/21, âItâs a term that Doris Lessing came up within a book called The Good Terrorist, which I read in college in the â80s. Doris Lessing is a feminist writer, and she had it where, in the future, society called everyone âperâ for person. It just makes sense to me.â
53) Emoney - âTulumâ
A goofy critique of Instagram travel culture; it kinda seems like heâs being a dick, but he also sorta has a point.
52) jxdn - âBetter Off Deadâ
The best part about jxdn (pronounced: Jaden), is multiple people in my life pronounce it J-X-D-N.
51) Spray Allen -Â âStay Cleanâ
I love basketball too much to just be getting this band name right now.
50) Cloud Nothings -Â âOnly Lightâ
Cloud Nothings are the Wendy Peffercorn of indie/punk -- they know exactly what theyâre doing. Love how the music drops out before crashing way the fuck back in at the start of the verses; vet shit.
49) The Spill Canvas -Â âGallonâ
Kind of reminds me of last yearâs Spill Canvas song, âMercyâ. Slow tempo, and jarringly comfortable with its very brutal lyrics.
I need to keep repeating this
So the gallon stays within my wrist
This awful feeling never ever goes away
As long as I'm breathing, evil has a place to stay
Cyclical queasy, nothing is easy
I hear myself convince myself to try
Yet still, I kinda wanna die
So yeah, thatâs the gallon.
48) Lil Nas X -Â âMONTERO (Call Me By Your Name)â
For sure the most fun song on the list so far. Once Lil Nas gave the devil a lap dance in the music video, there was no turning back.
47) Laura Jane Grace -Â âSuperNatural Possessionâ
This song feels like it always existed; like walking in well-worn shoes for the first time.
46) Dave Hause - âSnowglobeâ
A punishing, beautiful chorus built on the back of much softer verses. Not 100% sure itâs about COVID, as he does a good job with not making the lyrics too specific, but the giveaway might be the final line: âYeah, it was a terrible yearâ.
45) snow ellet -Â âbrickâ
Bandcamp bio describes the music as âpop punk for the indie kids, indie rock for the pop punk kidsâ, and thatâs nail meeting head right there.
44) Conway The Machine f/ 2 Chainz -Â â200 Piesâ
The beat drifts through the room like smoke; lyrics and flow are the star of the show.
43) Hospital Bracelet - âSouth Loop Summerâ
This local band got cancelled (or broke up) before I could even think about getting to see them live. For real, song dropped in January 2021, so we never even got to have that fist South Loop summer, proper.
For a more frantic, acoustic version of Hospital Bracelet, peep 2019â˛s âBad Prescriptionâ.
42) Billie Eilish - âNDAâ
Lorde and Billie Eilish are kinda grouped together in my mind for really disappointing 2021 albums; the latter got a little further with her single, though.
41) Nick Lutsko -Â âPay Me $100K to Play at Biden's Inaugurationâ
This one is pretty straightforward -- the man wants to be properly compensated to play the presidential inauguration. Lutsko is such a genius, he had me with âItâs been a long week / I feel like I could use a vacationâ; needed absolutely nothing else. This song makes me want to run on a treadmill.
40) Jail Socks -Â âSick Weatherâ
This chorus is like wuss rock on steroids; verses pack more bite.
39) Eminem f/ Jack Harlow & Cordae - âKiller (Remix)â
A rarely skipped remix; assured flows with no drop off as the mic gets passed.
38) Kitner - âSuddenlyâ
My buddy Mike introduced this band as Connor Oberst meets The Gin Blossoms, and holy â90s and â00s, was he mega correct. How this video has sub-1,000 views is beyond me.
37) Julien Baker - âRingsideâ
This song feels watching a four minute long, tangled fuse on a lit stick of dynamite; even the way it lets up at the end has you bracing for the final explosion.
36) Nervus f/ Erik Garlington (Proper.) - âBetween The Linesâ
This reminds me of a more smoothed out Cloud Nothings, with a touch less energy (so still a good amount of energy); enjoyable guitar solo. Also, the spoken bridge surprises me damn near every time.
Also: another sub-1,000 YouTube, boooo.Â
35) Jimmy Fallon f/ Ariana Grande & Megan Thee Stallion -Â "It Was A... (Masked Christmas)â
For a jam that feels more like a comedy PSA than actual music, it really does have some unexpected heart.
34) Wavves - âMarine Lifeâ
Itâs January, and this takes me to summer; that is important.
33) Benny The Butcher & Harry Fraud f/ Rick Hyde -Â âSurvivorâs Remorseâ
This beat seems half generic... but there might be some depth here. Could listen to more than a few drop freestyles over this one. The actual verses do not let up.
32) Charli XCX - âGood Onesâ
Charli continues to crank out certified pop bangers you could set your watch to. Is she our new Kesha?
31) Gregor Barnett - âDonât Go Throwing Roses In My Graveâ
The Menzingersâ Greg Barnett, my favorite songwriter to ever grace this planet, debuted his solo projectâs lead single in 2021 (album out February 2022). I found it a little underwhelming at first, but he was probably a victim of all unassailable past greatness. Itâs easy to eye roll the punk-gone-acoustic cliche -- he even has one of those Bob Dylan harmonica head things in the video -- but itâs Greg; I shouldâve known to look deeper. There, youâll find sharp attention to detail and peerless lyrics.
It was for sure a grower, and I canât wait to hear more. The second single dropped this week, and it might be even better.
30) Hovvdy -Â âBlindsidedâ
Never really met my friends, knew each other from a distance
This song pulls a lot outta me; sometimes, you hear something and take solace youâre not in a more vulnerable spot. The walking piano, too; <3 <3 <3. And that doesnât even address the air drumming/âEverlongâ reference. When it hits, it hits. Is this song too good? Is that a thing?
29) MUNA f/ Phoebe Bridgers -Â âSilk Chiffonâ
/googles chiffon definition
a light, sheer fabric typically made of silk or nylon.
So, silk... silk? I donât know, the point is this song fucking rules. What a god damn chorus.
Originally had it at No. 36 before a little movinâ and shakinâ. Also: gonna toss out this âThere isnât a single bad song that references CVSâ take. Prove me wrong. Lastly, right after I got into this song, I saw my friend Shannon listening to a Spotify playlist called âsilk chiffon type shitâ, haha.
28) HAIM f/ Taylor Swift -Â âGasolineâ
You took me back, but you shouldnât have
This song reminds me of that part of a summer day where youâve been in the pool for a few hours, but now youâre having some food and drinks in the shade, debating if you should go back in. The sun is starting to set but will still be up for an hour or two more; the evening is loaded with possibility. Ease is in the air regardless, and this is the music soundtracking the moment.
27) Drake f/ 21 Savage & Project Pat -Â âKnife Talkâ
Letâs get this out of the way: both Drake and 21 Savage being in a song with the hook âGang shit, thatâs all Iâm onâ is objectively hilarious. But if youâre into relative suspension of disbelief -- and I am! -- the song does not miss the mark. Fun video, stellar beat, and youâll be embracing your knife-wielding dark side by the end. The structure is a little unconventional, and the song is patient with how it deploys that phenomenal chorus.
26) Taylor Swift -Â âAll Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylorâs Version) (From The Vault)â
lol, what a title
Look -- original was great, so why not double it up? I very much regret missing social mediaâs reaction to all the Jake Gyllenhaal speculation when this dropped. This song does a great job being big while never losing sight of the small details:
'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night
We're dancin' 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light
Who among us is not melting?
25) Lucy Dacus -Â âThumbsâ
Always thought Lucyâs voice was kinda boring, and I never appreciated her as a songwriter nearly as much as boygenius bandmates Julien Baker and Phoebe Bridgers. This isnât to say I ever felt right about any of that. A lot of people in my life like her as much -- if not more -- than the other two. Well, this was the first song where I really started to see what maybe I shouldâve been noticing sooner.
(Also: was basically the living version of Chris Pratt reaction GIF when I connected the dots on the song title)
(Also also: if you want a little more upbeat Lucy, Iâd heaaaavily rec her âDancing In The Darkâ cover)
24) Tigers Jaw - âBody Languageâ
How I used to memorize your movements, now I can't pick you out of a crowd
Their live-streamed record release show was a big musical highlight of 2021.
23) Adele -Â âCan I Get Itâ
Adele MF Adkins. Donât think I skipped this song a single time in 2021. âEasy On Meâ was fine, but it always felt like such an undertaking. This was way more fun.
Group manifestation goals for 2022.
22) Wild Pink -Â âThe Shining But Tropicalâ
Took me a sec with this title. Had no idea Annie Murphy was in the music video until right now. This song feels like an overdue, hard-earned epiphany. But did it come too late?
21) Nas f/ Charlie Wilson -Â âCar #85âł
They called me âBabyfaceâ in â88
Flawless nostalgia rap from a master storyteller. My favorite rap song of 2021.
20) Iron Chic -Â âCatgutâ
Iron Chic is an everything band. I think everything. I feel everything. I want to do everything. Itâs carpe diem rock. Every song hits gulp-inducing heights, because they are never not swelling. Itâs like watching a tidal wave the size of a skyscraper overtake you; but youâre not cowering -- youâre sprinting right at it. This chorus:
I take aim, but I miss my mark
And there's no pain when it all goes dark
But then I see you there, and that, that just melts my heart
Don't let me fall apart
Canât imagine them not played at my funeral. Almost every song they release could be their only song. Tearing up some just thinking about it.
19) Bleachers -Â âHow Dare You Want Moreâ
Hey, lonely wants to stay forever
But tonight, we're gonna do a little better
Frantic, yet never not in full control. No song on the list makes me happier.
18) Best Loop - âCasino Westâ
Dropped âBetween Two Different Placesâ, my first ever electric/solo EP, in 2021. Talked about the content of the lead track when we released the lyric video:
On Wikipedia profiles, Iâm always fascinated by where someone was born vs. where they died. So often, especially with our celebrities, it all ends in California. The Santa Monica pier is one of my favorite places, and â though probably a bit Western-centric â Iâve always viewed the Pacific Ocean as the end of the world (in the best possible way). Norman Gene Macdonald was born October 17, 1959 Quebec City, Quebec, Canada. He passed on September 14, 2021 in Los Angeles, California. Norm is front of mind right now, so I had to look it up just to see; rarely fails. You can come from far or small or cold, but the Golden State is always willing. I wrote this song, which is kind of about that dynamic, but also kind of about second acts, old dreams, a couple fighting for it, Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood, and, yes, going to a casino for my college fantasy football league. Sincere Engineer has an old song that ends with âThe West Coast works just like Xanaxâ, and though I barely know how to take pills, that line is so killer/inspired the ending.
I sing the verses. Dave Hernandez sings the chorus, and it absolutely soars. Dave Rokos does all the non-drum instruments, and everything is exactly where it should be. This song is half mission statement/half goodbye forever.
17) The Dirty Nil -Â âPossessionâ
Took few greater joys in 2021 than always singing along with the WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOWWWWWW chorus of this one. I apologize to my wife and my wife only.
16) TURNSTILE -Â âMYSTERYâ
Turnstile is a fascinating band. They are fresh, innovative, have a ton of buzz, critical acclaim, killer live shows, and I spend a lot of time thinking about them... and I still donât know if I even like more than two of their songs. I definitely like that other people like them; everyone in my life who reps this band is cool.
Iâve watched their 10+ minute music video, full live shows, and even this 20+ minute analysis by some dude who has big Twitch streamer energy. They even just did Tiny Desk!
So if indie-ish experimental hardcore isnât your bag, I might give that performance a shot. There, youâll find a piano-based version of âMYSTERYâ. They might be Top 5 on my bands to see live list, and, again, not even sure if I like them. When youâre hot, youâre hot.
(Will always wish they went all out on that third chorus, though.)
15) KennyHoopla f/ Travis Barker -Â âhollywood sucks//â
Positive this song is ranked too high, but also positive you wonât find a lyric more earnest than âAnd I think your forehead is beautifulâ; especially in the Sunshine State. This basically is a Blink-182 song; hey, he got 1/3rd of the band in there already.
14) WILLOW f/ Travis Barker -Â ât r a n s p a r e n t s o u lâ
Iâd feel insecure about putting back-to-back Travis features on the list if our man didnât collaborate with literally everyone. Favorite part is when Willow first breaks in and that tone she uses in her vocal melody:Â âI don't fucking know if it's a lie or it's a factâ.
So positively over it; Hayley Williams would be proud. This song never stops moving.
(Docked 7,000 points for the annoying title stylization)
13) girl in red -Â âSerotoninâ
Prolly the most creative song on the list. Kinda sounds like 1,000 Gecs meets Lorde. My guess is youâll love or hate; she pulls you both in and out of it, like youâre getting your face dragged across the dirt before being weightless in the air.
12) Hot Mulligan -Â âFeaturing Mark Hoppusâ
(No, the song does not feature Mark Hoppus.)
Hot Mulligan first hit my radar this year with their most streamed song, 2020â˛s â*Equip Sunglasses*â, though that one might be better overall, this one is for sure more me. From tempo, to the Blink reference in the title, to constellation of undying high school nostalgia.
Still trying to decode the phrasing of the chorus, though (âI've got a ring, I think that she'd love you tooâ). Ring as in ring? Who is it for? Why does it sound so cool and dire despite me not understanding it at all? Itâs a mystery of the ages.
11) Sincere Engineer -Â âHurricane Of Miseryâ
Sincere Engineerâs sophomore album had, like, five singles, so if your question was âAre there any bangers left?!â that was for sure fair. Enter: the non-single banger. Itâs everything I love about this band: insecurity, self-questioning, pulverizing drums, and lyrics so simple, yet so astutely obvious: âIâm trying to tell you that I love you a lotâ.
10) Signals Midwest -Â âI Used To Drawâ
The All-Stars of Introspection delivered the goods with both this and the equally awesome âTommy Took A Pictureâ in 2021. This is like a poem, hand-delivered just for you, culminating with a perfect fucking chorus (âI want to live like that / I want a love that looks backâ). Me too, dog; almost got me tearing up again.
(Sidebar: of course theyâre good about wearing masks.)
9) Machine Gun Kelly f/ Kellin Quinn -Â âlove raceâ
MGK took the top spot here last year, and this one finishing Top 10 clearly proves the momentum is still there. Random cameo? Check. Travis on drums? Check. Fun summer camp video that 0% matches the song? Check. Pink guitar? You know it. Whatever, this chorus erases any ancillary flaws.
8) Kidd G -Â â1000 Miles From Georgiaâ
Kidd G popped up on my Twitter timeline very early in the year, when someone quote tweeted this NYT piece saying something about how they hated his aesthetic but were also positive heâd be famous. It wasnât this one, but it was close:
And yes, the face, race, and hair gave me major concerns, but I mean, I had to check it out. It began with âDown The Roadâ, an overly auto-tuned mess of a rap country song I despised at first -- it literally has the line âWaitinâ on that deer seasonâ -- calmed down about, and eventually grew to like. Ironically. Ironically, right? Oh... oh no. Do I actually like it for real now?!
Friends, I did. From there, I started following him on IG and got put on to several more of his singles throughout the year. Similar to Jersey Shore and the Fast and Furious movies, what started as a semi-joke turned into a real passion (see: the Vin song leading this entire list).
I would guess most people in my peer group would not enjoy his music, but if there ever was a song to hook you, itâs â1000 Miles From Georgiaâ, a road song about missing someone; the universal songwriting topic.
In conclusion, let the record show I no longer follow him on Instagram.
7) Phoebe Bridgers -Â âThat Funny Feelingâ
Bo Burnhamâs Netflix special Inside was a rough watch, at times, especially for something in the comedy genre. After all, when youâre that inside watching someone that inside, itâs quite sobering to feel the walls close in. It was there he debuted his song, âThat Funny Feelingâ.
Last year, I said Run The Jewels made the music that being alive in 2020 was most like. This year, Iâd give Phoebeâs cover that distinction. Itâs the perfect combination of her haunting vocals with his "stop, this is too accurate!â lyrics. You can throw darts at the sheet, and any line you pick out at random is either era-defining or heart-wrenching:
-Â âThe backlash to the backlash to the thing that's just begunâ
-Â âTwenty-thousand years of this, seven more to goâ
-Â âA gift shop at the gun range, a mass shooting at the mallâ
-Â âA book on getting better hand-delivered by a drone â
And, of course the finisher:
Total disassociation, fully out your mind
Googling "derealization", hating what you find
That unapparent summer air in early fall
The quiet comprehending of the ending of it all
I keep telling myself Iâm going to go back to Burnhamâs version, but it still hasnât happened; not once.
This is a paralyzingly sad piece of art, and Iâm glad he gave it to the world and she helped amplify.
6) Heart Attack Man -Â âPitch Blackâ
The band name put me off for a while, and the EP this is on was... weâll be nice and say uneven. But âPitch Blackâ is a ripperâs ripper. It starts kinda folk indie before ratcheting up to its proper punk rock place. Feels like music an algorithm created for me.
5) illuminati hotties -Â âPool Hoppingâ
A perfect song, great band name, and my favorite season. Love the drum clicky things in the intro, the saccharine sweet vox, and the way-too-clever lyrics that never let up.
And hell yeah, that got an RT from the band.
Goal is to 100% use âpool hopping/window shoppingâ as an IG caption by the end of â22.
4) Olivia Rodrigo -Â âgood 4 uâ
What it do, Liv? This tune is the third single off Sour (co-winner for my favorite album of 2021). Iâll let The Ringer get us started:
She may well be the next Taylor Swift. She may well be a generational talent. But which generation are we talking about here? Itâs surprisingly easy to discuss Sour at length without stumbling upon any hints of departure from millennial culture. On some level, the album marks the broader advancement of Generation Z into adulthood. The critics engaged with the idea of zoomer succession in pop culture clearly expect to see some great clash. Writing for The Washington Post, Molly Roberts, a millennial, describes Rodrigo as âa new avatarâ in âthe war among generationsâ despite her own pertinent observation about Sour: âWe recognize ourselves in the music.â This isnât a coincidence or a testament to universal appeal. Olivia Rodrigo is a Swiftie with Riot! characteristics. She doesnât sound particularly interested in creative emancipation from her forebears. She doesnât seek out or represent any sort of generational break in popular music. In fact, she sounds rather determined to sound how pop radio has played since Iâa critic twice her ageâwas in high school.
Love this songâs bratty, scorned breakup energy. The smiling through her teeth actress/singer execution in the back half of of the second verse (1:26) was my silver medalist for the top musical moment of 2021.
The Paramore mashup, the Tiny Desk*, and, of course, somehow outdoing her first single, âdriverâs licenseâ -- only the most streamed song of 2021. Cannot wait to see where her music goes from here. Taylor, Lorde, and the previous decadesâ genres are all over her debut, but hopefully, as her career goes, she can start to carve out a sound all her own, too.
(* - calling this the best ever vocal performance on TD and would love to hear any counters)
Lastly, count me among the many who believe the album following Sour will be, of course, called Sweet.
3) Foxing -Â âIf I Believed In Loveâ
If I believed in love, Iâd keep it to myself
Talk about starting with a comprehensive thesis.
Iâve always loved Foxing. âNight Channelsâ was beating through my head the day after I got engaged in 2017. That beautiful hook and mantra: âFuture love, donât fall apartâ.
I saw them front row in a high school cafeteria in May 2018; their second to last record (Nearer My God) three months from its release. It put them on the course to here -- 2021â˛s Draw Down The Moon. Along with the aforementioned Sour, my favorite album of 2021. Theyâre different, yes, but the commonality is in front-to-back quality.
âIf I Believed In Loveâ was one of the singles, the first warning something special was about to happen. It was extremely difficult to pick for this list, because I wish there was a way to submit the entire album as a whole; itâs that damn good. The song builds to -- and peaks -- with its forever chorus:
Every time I run wild from the hint at heaven
Oh, now what do you believe in?
Every day I spend pent up in a blind, I wonder
Oh, now what do you believe in?
In 2013, I had a long period of not believing in love -- for myself, at least; so grateful to have learned to again. I wonder about those who donât or never did. I like to think this song can be for anyone.
2) Petey -Â âDONâT TELL THE BOYSâ
Forget rooms, I could diagram the exact spot I was standing on when my buddy CJ txtâd me a link to this song. I remember looking at the art:
âIs this a joke song or serious?â
âJust listen.â
On first bump, I still wasnât sure. It was like indie meets EDM meets eternal earnest season. There was only one part to focus on that first time through, and it was of course emblematic of the entire thing:
Don't tell the boys that we done spent the week inside
And watched 3 seasons of The O.C. 'till Marrisa fucking dies
You know at times I'm more like Ryan
You're a little more like Seth
You're so quick witted when we talk about what happens after death
But is that not 2021? Detached irony. Attached irony. Tattoo-level sincerity. Why canât we talk about The O.C. in the same breath as fucking death? This is the world-ending dichotomy Bo Burnham described for us.
In a year where concerts were reduced, Iâm proud to say I saw Petey play twice. The first, in Davenport, Iowa, on a Sunday night. It looked like it was one of the first shows he ever played; you could tell he was special, even then. His voice filled up the cavernous room all on its own. The next, in Chicago, a few months later -- the day Michigan beat Ohio State for the first time in a decade. The lineup was somewhat changed, more electronic elements were incorporated, and the room was a lot fuller -- but he was just as grateful. The morning of, I organically woke up with his albumâs title song (âLean Into Lifeâ) stuck in my head; being there in the pit later that night, mask on, right as Omicron was about to ramp up the pandemic yet again, was the last moment of peak perfect happiness Iâve felt between right now and November 2021; it felt like fulfilling a prophecy. Michigan had won, champagne was popped, cigars were smoked, drinks were drank, friends were hugged; we had, truly, leaned all the way in.
1) Mom Jeans. -Â âWhatâs Up?â
This song is an all-timer. It seems like turn-your-brain-off pop punk, but itâs pretty nuanced. From the sneaky virtuosity of the drums to the chord shifts, they might make it look like they arenât trying so hard, but there is more to it than meets the eye. Just like the video itself; yeah, itâs colorful and pretty, but the lyrical content is a miserable storm.
Sometimes, it feels like punk, emo, and indie artists are in a race to out-self loathe each other. Nobody wins, and thatâs the beauty of it (because you get to keep trying).
But if there ever was a winner, it truly might come from the post-first chorus stretch of this song, a couplet I could live my entire life and not come up with...
Iâm such a fucking piece of shit, and you hate me for it
...even though it was always there for the taking. My favorite musical moment of 2021.
I got really into this song on a cloudy Friday, a few days after my aunt passed away and just before the pandemic started to scale up yet again-again-again. I was waiting for out-of-state family to come into town and needed something to take off the edge. This did that job, and I even covered it. A few months later, a tweet described exactly how I felt that day:
Itâs there now.
* * *
Thanks for reading. Spotify playlist below:
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65 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2021
Below are my favorite quotes from 2021. Though most occurred throughout the year, some took place before but were encountered during.
1)Â âI try not to say never or alwaysâ - Julie Emery
2)Â âMy phone eats lastâ - Brian Bedford
3)Â âI may be old, but Iâm still a babyâ - Brendan Kelly
4)
5)Â
6)Â âThere will always be villains. There will always be heroes.â - @RaeMargaret61
7)Â âYesterday was horseshit for what happened and today will be horseshit for what will not.â - Drew Magary, on the January 6th capitol insurrection
8)Â âI love that which doesnât exist.â - Pharrell Williams, on creating
9)Â âSo Trump has access to the nuclear codes but he can't Tweet or post to Facebook.â - Andrew Ross Sorkin
10)Â âTo not even wear a mask when it would protect your identity while committing crimes is so fucking funnyâ - @metalgearobama
11)Â âSweet can be had anywhereâ - The Night Of, on finding enjoyment in prison
12)Â âThere's literally nothing wrong with just showing up, doing the absolute bare minimum of your job, and leaving.â - @butsh_feygele
13)Â âI answer the phone, but I donât dial.â - Brian Bedford
14)
15)Â âMost of what America is now is just boxes going back and forth.â - Family Guy
16)Â âI've spent at least 12% of my day deciding whether it's Wednesday or Thursday.â - Jason Benetti
17)Â âYou clean your room and suddenly anything is possibleâ - @manlikerex
18)Â âI love the stock market because when it goes up we get nothing, but when it goes down, we all lose our jobs. Except during a pandemic, when it goes up and we still lose our jobsâ - @yeoldedad
19)Â âIf youâre the most interesting person in the room, thereâs no reason to shut up.â - Brendan Kelly
20)Â "There are no atheists in foxholesâ - Unknown (via Greg Barnettâs journal)
21)Â
22)Â â"Legacyâ is the most misused word in sports. Legacy is what you leave behind, not what you achieve. Serena's legacy isn't 23 Grand Slam titles, it's Naomi Osaka.â - J.A. Adande
23)Â âIt gets late early out thereâ - Yogi Berra
24)Â âThe last generation of Americans that will be remotely secure in their retirement, who enjoyed prosperity their grandkids wonât, have decided theyâd rather spend their last years seething and terrified about cable news bullshit.â - David Roth
25)Â âMaybe death has a way of darkening a room before it leads you away.â - Aaron Gilbreath
26)Â
27)Â âYou canât muck when youâre getting buckedâ - Tate Frazier
28)Â âOnly thoughts reached by walking have value.â - Frederich Nietzsche
29)Â
30)Â âIf youâre late to the game, goodbyeâ - Tracy Cunningham, on being late to the game
31)Â âWhen you find gold, you donât go looking for silver.â
32)Â âA bad quality is not a quality.â - Eddie Lichstein
33)Â âI donât die on oddly chosen hills so much as I live alone on them.â - Drew Magary
34)Â âIâm a gulper, not a sipperâ - Anthony Bourdain, on fancy coffee
35)Â âDon't forget that most men with nothing would rather protect the possibility of becoming rich than face the reality of being poorâ - 1776
36)Â âWriting a novel is most like writing lyrics, as far as music goes. When I write lyrics, I sit down and start throwing out abstract ideas. Then they slowly form into something coherent after lots of things have been discarded. Writing a book is like that. A series of failures molded into a narrative made out of the dross that floats on top of all the crap. Salinger said something (vaguely) like, âYou have to be really tortured to write a book, because it is so hard.â Meaning, you have to have something driving you. It's a long, problem-laden marathon, where a set of lyrics is more of a run around Lake Merritt. However, the actual tussling is more or less the same.
I donât know if my musical background helped me. I have always made some kind of art and in a way it always seems like the same thing. You just make it because youâre an alien and thatâs what you are good at. I am wired for this activity. I say that without any pretensions of being âspecialâ or anything. More like being sort of fucked, as far as the worldâs priorities are concerned.â - Jesse Michaels, on writing his first book
37)Â "Don't spend a lot of time imagining the worst-case scenario. It rarely goes down as you imagine it will, and if by some fluke it does, you will have lived it twice." - Michael J. Fox
38)Â âThis thing, on this scale, with this level of visibility and prestige, is simply not something that anything but a terminal culture would produce.â - Chris Thompson, on Space Jam: A New Legacy
39)Â âIâm not a crier, I am moved easilyâ - Julie Emery
40)Â âI never have, and never will, say no to brunchâ - Dave Rokos
41)Â âWe may have whiffed it pretty hard on the pandemic when it was very clear what to do, but now that there are a bunch of nuances and caveats, I think weâre gonna crush itâ - Sarah Lazarus
42)Â âWe came to El Bulli without a spirit, and we left with a soulâ - No Reservations
43)Â âAs long as I have lived, any coach who has used the phrase âdisrespect the gameâ have NEVER been worth a shit.â - Drew Magary
44)Â âThe job of the newspaper is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.â
45)Â "I believe I read somewhere in a Chinese proverb 'Whenever you have the chance to watch the sunset, take it. It might be your last'. I do this because it reminds me how fast time goes. If you donât believe me, just watch the last 60 seconds of one. I'm tired of wasting time worrying about what people think of me, self doubt, and fear. Iâd rather trade all that in for a purpose driven life." - Michael K. Williams
46)Â âWhen the legend becomes fact, print the legend.â
47)Â
48)Â âEverything we say at funerals we should say at birthday parties instead.
We leave so much love unspoken.â
49)Â âGambling is a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.â - Norm Macdonald
50)Â âIâm pretty sure, Iâm not a doctor, but Iâm pretty sure if you die, the cancer dies at the same time. Thatâs not a loss. Thatâs a draw.â - Norm Macdonald
51)Â âOne day, I was high on mushrooms, and I convinced myself I was the Internetâ - Vic Mensa
52)Â âWords are the first step on the road to deedsâ - Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
53)Â âJoy is so rarely untainted by other emotionsâ - Catherine Whitaker, on Emma Raducanuâs U.S. Open title
54)Â âThere are no rules when youâre flying this highâ - RossWB, on undefeated Iowa (before the wheels very much fell off)
55)Â âTo be interesting, you have to be interested.â
56)Â âDamage is quick, recovery is long.â - Brian Cook
57)Â
58)Â âDonât accept criticism from someone you wouldnât accept advice from.â
59)Â âEvery writer either quits drinking or dies from it.â - Drew Magary
60)Â âMost rappers die in their own cityâ - Lil Boosie
61)Â "You invite more love into your world, you're bound to invite more loss at some point." - Drew Magary
62)Â âFinally dad, finally!â - Nicolle Oldenburg, on Michigan footballâs victory over Ohio State after a 10 year drought
63) Iâm glad somebody understands marriage.
âI understand it because I know how to ruin it.â - Z.W. Martin
64)Â âThe hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who in time of moral crisis preserve their neutrality.â - Dante
65) âIf you're just operating by habit, then youâre not really livingâ - Andre, My Dinner With Andre
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My Top 88 Songs Of 2020
Previously: 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011
Though we couldnât get as trim as last yearâs 75, still very happy to keep this under 100 for the second year in a row. This was a very difficult year in many ways, but music helped make it more bearable.
As always, criteria and info:
This is a list of what I personally like, not ones Iâm saying are the âbestâ from the year; more subjective than objective
No artist is featured more than once
If it comes down to choosing between two songs, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track
Each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check them out for yourself; there is also a Spotify playlist at the bottom that includes the majority of the songs
Usually a pump up video goes here, but 2020 had a different energy, so Michael, take us in.
88) Katy Perry -Â âSmileâ
Even Katy Perryâs good songs are a swirling spiral of maxed out auto-tune. This one is just fine. Itâs... fine.
87) All Time Low -Â âTrouble Is...â
Is All Time Low the Katy Perry of pop punk?
86) Tee Grizzley f/ Payroll Giovanni -Â âPayrollâ
I have never heard of Payroll Giovanni, but I have two questions:
1) Is this his song, and he got Tee to jump on it?
2) Or, did Tee write a song called âPayrollâ and think to himself âYou know who would be great on this? Payroll Giovanni!â
Favorite stretch:
Listen, we is not the same, you say "door", I say "dough"
You say "floor", I say "flow", you say "for sure", I say "fa'sho"
85) Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande -Â âRain On Meâ
Coming out in 2020 probably hurt this song, because I have no, like, out of the house memories with it. You can only have so much fun with Big Singers Singing over a pulsing beat when itâs coming from the phone in your kitchen as youâre indifferently scrambling eggs.
84) Benjamin Gibbard -Â âLife In Quarantineâ
Now this is a song you can do nothing to; almost feels like itâs reluctant to even exist. It got released in March of 2020, so the outro (âNo one is going anywhere soonâ) served as a too sad reminder/mantra for what the year was about to be. Second shout out to Gibbard for the many YouTube sets he put together during the early stages of the pandemic (when so many of his peers were trying to figure out the next move).
83) Cardi B f/ Megan Thee Stallion - âWAPâ
This felt less like a song and more of a âwhoa, did you see the music video?!â and/or a means to relitigate the eternal question âWhat is the sexual line in music?â And while it was fun to watch people freak the fuck out... the quality itself really needed to be better.
(Note: YouTube video is the edited chorus; explicit version here)
82) McKayla Maroney - âWake Up Callâ
Former Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney -- of medals and memes fame -- dips her toe into the music waters. Itâs inside-the-box modern pop music. One thing thatâs hard to escape: it doesnât really sound like her.
81) Chelsea Cutler - âSad Tonightâ
He vocals really remind me of Alessia Cara.
80) blink-182 -Â âQuarantineâ
Blink doing a Bad Religion impression. Docked a few points for the very weak chorus lyrics (âQuarantine, fuck this diseaseâ). That said, as serious as the song comes off, there are some clever punchlines to be found.
79) Dave Hause & Brian Fallon -Â âLong Ride Homeâ
This is kind of a nothing song, but itâs easy listening. Also, if your guitar leads canât clear the âCould Bobby have written or performed this?â bar, then said leads are probably pretty weak.
78) Travis Scott & Kid Cudi -Â âTHE SCOTTSâ
Two artists who pair so well together, itâs hard to tell who exudes more influence on the track (eh, thatâs not true, itâs Travis Scott, but Kid Cudi is more of a roommate than guest). They want you to be high by the time the instrumental outro hits.
77) The Strokes -Â âBad Decisionsâ
The beginning sound feels somewhat evolved, but by the time Julian Casablancas croons âMaking bad decisionsâ, the song feels like it could be on their debut album âIs This It?â. And it goes in and out like that from there.
76) Thundercat -Â âDragonball Duragâ
Thundercat is one of those artists I wish I liked more, but when the occasional track does hit, itâs a momentary glimpse into what real fans seem to always see.
75) TI f/ Lil Baby - âPardonâ
Standard fare. Lil Babyâs cameo is very meh.
74) Porches -Â âDo U Wannaâ
For a song that repeatedly asks âDo you want to dance?â, it sure makes you feel like youâre moving in slow motion.
73) NOFX - âThatcher Fucked The KidsâÂ
On the best-named album of the year (âWest Coast vs. Wessexâ), Frank Turner and NOFX cover each otherâs material. To start us off, the legends take a song from 12 years ago about British politics from 40 years ago and, well, very easily apply it to right god damn now in America.
72) The Bombpops - âDearly Departedâ
Ahh, my yearâs first cancelled concert. The listed names in V1 always make me want to skip this song -- but patience, grasshopper. Chorus is aight.
71) Ratboys - âAlien With A Sleep Mask Onâ
This band name will never match what the music sounds like.
70) Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - âSheâs Thereâ
The vocals in this song channel, like, four completely different singers for me, ranging from Bob Dylan to Cloud Nothings.
69) NOBRO -Â âDonât Dieâ
An anthemic chorus meant to be belted in a room with sweaty strangers.
68) Oliver Tree f/ blink-182 -Â âLet Me Downâ
The original solo version of this song is 1:52, and though the blink cameo pushes it over the dreaded two minute mark, it adds enough diversity to justify the choice (keep an eye out for the quick Green Day lyrical nod in the back half).
67) AJJ - âNormalization Bluesâ
This dropped in January, and if you thought the year was bad then. Punk News:
I'll admit I do want the album to age badly because I really don't want to have to listen to it years later and still say this is the world we're living in.
Said album being titled âGood Luck Everybodyâ is straight cryptic.
66) Selena Gomez - âRareâ
Very chill for big pop; triplet rhythm singing in the chorus gets me erry time.
65) Kid Cudi & Eminem - âThe Adventures Of Moon Man & Slim Shadyâ
Cudiâs second split collab yields bigger results than his Travis Scott joint (admittedly with a worse beat here). It rarely ever hurts to let Eminem do the heavy lifting.
64) Alkaline Trio - âSmokestackâ
A little cheerier than the average Alk3 song, but Dan Andriano seems like heâs been in a great place for a long time now; confident and in control. For me, the whole song builds up to the âYou changed my lifeâ chorus.
63) Frank Turner - âScavenger Typeâ
Here, Frank takes on the acoustic closer to NOFXâs legendary 1994 album âPunk In Drublicâ. Though the energy boost is most noticeable, my favorite part is how you can hear how much Turner loves this song as his melody bursts on the verses.
62) Mike Posner -Â âAlone In A Mansionâ
Mike Posner, an artist I have a very soft spot for, released a storytelling concept album in 2020. From the intro track:
This album was written, recorded, and produced over a period of two weeks in Detroit, Michigan in my parents' basement.
It's meant to be listened to all the way through. At least on the first listen. And it's about 36 minutes long.
If you can't devote 36 minutes of undivided attention to this album, I again politely ask that you turn it off and return at a later time.
I love you and I thank you for taking the time to listen in the first place.
Also, it's important to note that the characters and the stories in this album are completely fictional. In addition, anyone struggling with a mental illness - depression, schizophrenia - should not listen to this album. Turn it off.
So those are the stakes. Pulling this song -- the recordâs closer -- feels unfair void of context, but themâs the breaks.
61) Nada Surf -Â âJust Waitâ
Heavy hitting chorus without having to be heavy; this could really work in a movie.
60) Matt Pond PA -Â âWild Heartâ
This having only 805 views on YouTube is criminal.
59) Liquid Death -Â âUnnecessary And Unimpressiveâ
Liquid Death -- in this iteration -- is a punk rock supergroup with members of Rise Against, Anti-Flag, The Lawrence Arms, and The Bombpops. If that didnât interest you enough, all lyrics in the project (which, I believe, is for charity) come from hateful comments or negative reviews. Of the four artists involved, this sounds most like a Bombpops song, with Jen on lead vocals as others chime in.
58) PUP - âRotâ
Off my silver medalist for album name of the year (âThis Place Sucks Assâ), PUP doesnât do anything new here, but it was relieving to see them still going in 2020 when so many others got roadblocked, both physically and creatively.
57) Paul Harrold and the Nuclear Bandits -Â âMassanuttenâ
This reminds me of local Chicago artist Al Scorch. So much earnestness in the vocals, but a little more prairie for Harrold compared to speakeasy for Scorch. This would be a good road trip song. And Iâm not talking about singalong... more for the stretch where you want to sit in silence and look out at the sun-kissed land blazing by. The songâs greatest victory is getting me to like something that cracks 6:00.
Note to future me: Massanutten is in Virginia (saved you a Google).
56) Kesha f/ Sturgill Simpson, Brian Wilson & Wrabel - âResentmentâ
Kesha has been vulnerable in the past but never this stripped down sonically; the chorus would feel right at home on a country radio station. Love a good bridge, too.
55) Megan Thee Stallion f/ BeyoncĂŠ -Â âSavage (Remix)â
An up-and-comer pairing with a legend rarely lets down when both sides are this locked in. Bey wins. Fav line:Â âIf you don't jump to put jeans on, baby, you don't feel my painâ.
She matches flows with Megan but also brings melody. Her blessing takes this song from pretty damn good to undeniably great.
That beat, too.
54) Red City Radio -Â âBaby Of The Yearâ
If all you want to do right now is grab a drink in a bar, here is a video built to troll.
(Also: a Liquid Death cameo?!)
53) Nathaniel Rateliff -Â âAnd Itâs Still Alrightâ
The last time Mr. Rateliff had our attention, he just wanted a drink. That hit had a chorus with the very-sad-when-removed-from-the-song âIf I can't get clean, I'm gonna drink my life awayâ lyric. Well, our man got sober since. And when the party is over, the introspection comes.
52) Direct Hit! - âHAVE YOU SEEN IT?â
Listening to slowed down Direct Hit! is like watching Usain Bolt lightly jog. It kinda makes sense because the core action is there, but it also feels sort of incorrect.
51) Hayley Williams - âDead Horseâ
Solo Hayley songs have this feel like they could do anything at any time... but then donât. This one does the same until a very fun chorus breaks it up.
50) Kid Cudi f/ Phoebe Bridgers - âLovinâ Meâ
Probably the most improbable collab on this list (if 2020 hadnât repeatedly taught us to not be surprised by anything).
49) The Homeless Gospel Choir - âDonât Compareâ
Listening to The Homeless Gospel Choir is kind of like getting a dedicated pep talk from a good friend... while fire rains down from the sky.
48) Carly Rae Jepsen -Â âLetâs Sort The Whole Thing Outâ
Queen vocals with one prince of a tempo; this chorus is Sour Patch Kids riding Twix logs down a soda pop waterfall -- and itâs a b-side.
47) Green Day - âMeet Me On The Roofâ
I like this song because it reminds me of summer and because it doesnât really sound like Green Day (but still totally does).
46) Broadway Calls -Â âMeet Me On The Moonâ
Promise -- swear -- I was gonna compare this Broadway Calls song to Green Day before realizing they both had titles about meeting in an escalated location. That said, I did put them next together on purpose to more coherently make this point.
45) David Rokos - âBuilding Bridgesâ
My buddy Dave wrote this song, and I think Iâve asked him three times what âburning sugarâ meant (he says itâs a reference to absinthe). This song will make you want to travel to enjoy not only the places but the people around you.
44) Charli XCX -Â âclawsâ
Charli XCX keeps it futuristic in a video that could be described as sexy, cheesy, goofy, and playful-yet-serious.
43) Brian Fallon -Â âLonely For You Onlyâ
This is too easy and should not work (and maybe doesnât). But that chorus... that circular phrasing... it still takes me all the way out. But Iâm the same cat who proposed while a Gaslight Anthem cover was playing.
42) Waxahatchee -Â âFireâ
This song could be in a different language and hit just as hard.
41) Harry Styles - âAdore Youâ
Purifying pop.
40) Local H -Â âHold That Thoughtâ
Hardest rock song thus far. Local H was one of the first artists to play âliveâ once the lockdown hit (on a simultaneous YouTube/Facebook stream), and watching them attack music in their Chicago practice bunker felt a little bit like taking in the end of the world. New songs, old songs, covers -- it didnât matter; their cool, unmatched apathy fits a pandemic or peacetime.
Ironically, was able to see them live in 2020, as they played a socially distanced, outdoor drive up concert in a minor league baseball parking lot. It wasnât the same, but it was still something.
39) Crazy & The Brains -Â âI Donât Deliver Pizza Anymoreâ
This song is just cool*. The verses feel tense and crucial, it starts to unspool in the pre-chorus, and the chorus itself feels like a light comedown more than anything else.
(* -Â Â though the lyric video is docked some points for spelling yâall as âyaâllâ)
38) Drake f/ Fivio Foreign & Sosa Geek - âDemonsâ
Menacing Drizzy can be very fun from time to time. Also more than happy to keep âToosie Slideâ very far away from this list.
37) Hey Dad!!! - âLifeâs Alrightâ
Small band, big song; though summer feels light-years away.
36) insignificant other - âiâm so glad i feel this way about youâ
This song lands a big haymaker in the first few seconds, so it was probably a good call to pull back some for the chorus and, eventually, outro.
35) BTS - âDynamiteâ
Heard they made the lyrics bad on purpose for their English hit, which makes sense, because theyâre bad. That said, if you listen knowing theyâre supposed to be bad, it kinda makes them... good? Listen, 771 million views would have me singing nursery rhymes in Pig Latin.
34) DaBaby f/ RODDY RICCH - âROCKSTARâ
Someone said this could be the song of the summer, but, because there wasnât really a summer, I feel like I only heard it once all year. Also, are we really pretending Post Malone* didnât just do a âlike a rockstarâ song three years ago?
(* - and N.E.R.D. before that and Cypress Hill before that... though N.E.R.D. only waiting a year after Cypress, so maybe DaBaby actually was patient)
33) The Front Bottoms -Â âthe hard wayâ
Donât take it easy on the animal / I am the animal
Not quite sure what this line means, but I fixate on the phrasing every single time. This song sounds resigned in a very self-aware way.
32) The 1975 -Â âIf Youâre Too Shy (Let Me Know)â
For a band called The 1975, they sure sound like theyâre on their â80s shit here. Also, a real thing that happened:
Me: Is he coercing her to get naked?! I thought this band was woke.
/scans lyrics
/notices âShe saidâ before the âMaybe I would like you better if you took off your clothesâ line
Me: Ahh.
Sax solo, take us out.
31) Charly Bliss & PUP - âItâs Christmas And I Fucking Miss Youâ
A song that is already a forever staple on all my future Xmas playlists.
30) 2 Chainz f/ Ty Dolla $ign & Lil Duval -Â âCanât Go For Thatâ
Shorty said she love me / I said âI love me backâ
This is a real genre blur; rap at its core, but also soulful, funky, and very danceable. Damn creative.
29) Billie Eilish -Â âTherefore I Amâ
Billie's 2020 gave a few singles -- but no new album -- and a body shaming scandal where the backlash to the backlash probably caused more headlines than the tweet that started it all. Still, she stays on cruise control above the clouds; can all eyes be on you if they canât even make you out?
Video for this is fun, too. Not sure if her running amok in an empty mall is more of a COVID necessity or commentary on the dying retail industry. As always with her, fill in your own blanks for now.
28) Future f/ Drake - âLife Is Goodâ
This was my most listened to rap song in the first half of the year, and bumping again now, almost forgot how good it is. Drake just chasing one-liner Instagram captions in the first half:
-Â âHavenât done my taxes, Iâm too turnt upâ
-Â âN****s caught me slipping once, OK, so what?â
-Â âB****, this is fame not clout, I donât even know what thatâs aboutâ
And, of course, âWorkinâ on the weekend like usualâ. The man could make anything glamorous. Letâs hit that H&R Block, bro!
Futureâs back half is a totally different song and feels mostly like noise, but the vibe is cool, so I donât even totally mean that in a bad way. You can even make out a âGot Promethazine in my blood and Percocetâ lyric to mark your Future bingo card and immediately move on.
27) Iâm Glad Itâs You -Â âThe Silver Cordâ
This song feels like cold air blowing on the back of your neck.
(Sidebar: thought this band was called The Silver Cord until literally right now)
26) The Spill Canvas - âMercyâ
A dreamy, distorted, at-home version of whatever you remember The Spill Canvas sounding like. This song is confessional and at peace, with the Grade A self-loathing weâve come to love from this band.
25) 100 gecs f/ Charli XCX, Rico Nasty & Kero Kero Bonito -Â âringtone (remix)â
100 gecs first hit my radar with the explosively obnoxious âmoney machineâ, but thatâs a 2019er, so this remix to âringtoneâ will have to do. Itâs catchy like a younger sibling persistently singing a song youâre sick of hearing*.
(* - /only child trying to work in sibling analogies)
24) iann dior f/ Machine Gun Kelly & Travis Barker -Â âSick And Tiredâ
Iann Dior -- ...yeah -- channels Juice WRLD on the hook, and MGK/Travis Barker buoy a track that, honestly, doesnât really even need the help.
23) Nick Lutsko -Â âUnleash Your Spiritâ
Lutsko hit my radar on Twitter with some legendary political anthems (word to the RNC and Dan Bongino + his Dashboard Trump parody). âUnleash Your Spiritâ is the song I most fear hearing (or even thinking of) within a few minutes of going to bed. Not because itâs Halloween theme is scary -- because itâs that god damn catchy. It permeates your brain. True story: a week ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with âBobbing for apples with the boysâ so ingrained in my head, it felt like someone was standing there yelling it through a megaphone.
22) Dogleg -Â âKawasaki Backflipâ
Bad 2020 robbed many concerts from us, and not getting to see this band live might take the cake. I end the year liking them but could have been *all in* with the right performance and the right venue. Also, Song Title of the Year until further notice.
21) Eminem f/ Juice WRLD -Â âGodzillaâ
Eminem has all of the words and all of the lyrical dexterity, but sometimes it feels like there isnât anything to ground him. Enter: one of the best beats heâs ever spit on and a Juice WRLD hook to give it pop angle. But letâs not put Slim in the corner -- when he starts accelerating at the end, itâs is a true âholy fuckâ moment. It sounds faster than if you actually fast forwarded.
The video ends with a touching audio message from Juice WRLD.
20) Soccer Mommy -Â âcircle the drainâ
This song is so gloriously â90s; it leans in and does not care.
19) Sam Russo -Â âAlways Lostâ
The first time I met you, we were on the last bus
You passed me a bottle, and I knew you were one of us
Took 25 words to hook me; I was txting friends before the first chorus even hit.
18) Sincere Engineer - âTrust Meâ
Deanna Belos pushes her vocals in this one. I asked about the performance, and she said it was one of the first ones they recorded in the studio, but when they were done and listening back to everything, she re-did this track because her throat was much more used to what the song required.
âThatâs why it sounds like Iâm on roids lol,â she added.
17) Jay Electronica f/ JAY-Z -Â âFlux Capacitorâ
Jay Electronica signed to Roc Nation in November of 2010. At of the start of 2020, he had still -- STILL HOW FUCKING STILL -- not released a debut album. When he announced it was finally dropping in February, it was met with skeptic eyes. Heâd âannouncedâ before. Shit, heâd even posted track lists of albums that never saw the light of day. He was a teaseâs tease. It ended up getting a release date of March 12. As the pandemic got really bad in the March 11 zone, he finally had an actual reason to delay the proceedings (the plan: a studio live stream listening party*).
But no -- this is Jay Electronica. Why wouldnât he drop as the world was ending? The same reason why his costar wouldnât not have a watch like a Saudi prince. It had to end for it to happen. I wish I saved the memes, because they were fantastic. All I have is my own Twitter memory to prove it happened:
I love this song entirely: the âget the gatâ hook (soooo New Orleans), Hov calling out the NFL/acquaintances clout chasing his potential death/rapping forever bars, Jay Electâs ham-fisted and awkward ass Farrakhan line. Everything is exactly where it should be.
Final verdict on the full album: I donât know, a B or B+? It had a lot more Jay-Z than expected (wooo), but -- and I rarely say this -- it could have actually been longer.
16) New Found Glory -Â âGreatest Of All Timeâ
NFG with a song referencing the Jordan-Rodman-Pippen Bulls only a few months before âThe Last Danceâ aired. Dare we call it marketing genius? The punk beat does not care; the punk beat is too busy taking souls.
15) Dave Hause f/ Amythyst Kiah & Kam Franklin -Â âYour Ghostâ
âI canât breatheâ
On the heels of the George Floyd/BLM protests came Dave Hauseâs somber attempt to capture the moment, desperation, and hurt. On a podcast, he said he was aware he might not ever lead the movement but still wanted to contribute something in an effort to use his platform as a white artist to change someone, anyoneâs mind going forward.
14) Taylor Swift - âthis me tryingâ
The chorus makes me feel like the crowd is parting like the Red Sea on a high school -- shit, no, middle school -- dance floor; smoke machine and all. Your crush is waiting for you on the other side. What are you going to say?
13) Phoebe Bridgers - âKyotoâ
Phoebe is one of the best lyricists out because of her specificity, but even though this song is about her dad, you can really fit it to your own narrative.
12) The Lawrence Arms -Â âLast, Last Wordsâ
The Lawrence Arms wrote their new record (which singer Chris McCaughan described as âthis end of the world outpostâ) prior to the pandemic, but once you start to process album themes -- and research its namesake -- you do wonder. All of this, combined with some âCatcher In The Ryeâ references, and weâve got ourselves a winning formula.
Dressed to kill for oblivionÂ
11) New Lenox -Â âFairytale Of Gary, Indianaâ
Your boy plays drums and is on the cover art for this one. Dave Rokos wrote the tune, which references The Poguesâ âFairytale of New Yorkâ. Good news: no slurs in the Gary version. Weâll have you in and out in 90 seconds. Also: say hello to the recording debut of Alisa Caruso (some backup vox at the end).Â
10) Beach Slang -Â âTommy In The 80sâ
My most played song of 2020, but it really was more of a byproduct of how early in the year the album dropped. Iâm still such a sucker for it, though. Other than forced nostalgia, not totally sure what the track is about. Did learn Beach Slang recruited former Replacements bassist Tommy Stinson to play on their LP, which was named -- /deepest of breaths -- âThe Deadbeat Bang of Heartbreak Cityâ (so maybe it has something to do with that).
9) Juice WRLD f/ Mashmello -Â âCome & Goâ
The :55 mark. Wait until the :55 mark. When the guitar kicks in and tempo doubles, we have a real âoh, shit!â moment. I knew who Juice was when he passed but only âLiquid Dreamsâ. His 2020 album (âLegends Never Dieâ) showed us of what could have been; 55 minutes, loaded with cameos and creativity and experimentation. This song had me in its gravitational pull immediately. By the end of the year, they were using it on sports broadcasts, and it felt like a ubiquitous part of the culture.
One of my favorite days of 2020 was visiting the Juice mural in Chicago with my wife. We went impulsively during the day after someone posted a picture on Twitter.
I snapped one of my own and posted to IG with the Signals Midwest lyric âThere is such quiet grace in private moments in public spacesâ. The band responded with âRIP JUICEâ; the perfect online exchange.
Shortly after, I was out with a different group of friends, and we went back at night. This time, it was protected by a fence you had to squeeze past. When we got through, there were kids in there smoking, taking pictures, just hanging out; empty liquor bottles lined the bottom of the mural. Even though it didnât take all that long to make it there, it still felt like a journey and total âmovie moment in real lifeâ; a complete rarity in a year like 2020.
8) Mac Miller -Â âGood Newsâ
Maybe Iâll lay down for a little...
Sadly continuing the theme of artists gone too soon, we have this reflective Mac Miller single, which feels more like self-eulogy than traditional rap. You feel it the entire time. The song crests with âThereâs a whole lot more for me waitinâ on the other sideâ, and it conveys a readiness for whatever happens next.
7) The Dirty Nil -Â âDone With Drugsâ
I donât pray to Jesus or even own a suit
We lost the creators of our last two songs to substances, and, if we are to take this song at face value, The Dirty Nil donât want to go down the same path. Drying out never sounded so cool and defiant... until the IKEA suggestion.
6) The Weeknd -Â âBlinding Lightsâ
Uptempo Abel is undefeated. My favorite pop song of 2020 has you feeling like youâre speeding through the empty streets of nighttime Las Vegas in a stolen car; indifferent to your environment, only tuned in to your personal desire.
And, on the lamer side of the spectrum, it spawned a catchy TikTok dance.
5) Spanish Love Songs -Â âSelf-Destruction (As A Sensible Career Choice)â
It wonât be this bleak forever... yeah, right.
SLS has always been over-the-top with their lyrics spotlighting the hopelessness of the human condition -- so it was the *perfect* combo to being locked inside with nothing looking to forward to. Bonus: fun cake video.
Though the songâs core is uncut despair, a random moment I remember from 2020 was my wife telling me âI can hear you smiling as youâre singingâ from another room as I belted the despondent chorus.
4) Worst Party Ever - âFalse Teethâ
This song sounds like The Front Bottoms; insecure yet so full.
3) Run The Jewels -Â âthe ground belowâ
There were a lot of songs *about* 2020, but Iâm not sure any artist soundtracked what being alive now is like more than RTJ. My favorite rap song and rap record of 2020.
Fav Killer Mike line:Â âNot a holy man, but I'm moral in my perversiveness / So I support the sex workers unionizing their servicesâ
Fav El-P line:Â âI'll slap a dying child he don't pronounce my name correctâ
2) The Menzingers -Â âAmerica Pt. 2âł
The Menzingers unexpectedly released an acoustic, re-done version of 2019â˛s âAmerica (Youâre Freaking Me Out)â single. It dropped on my birthday -- June 5th, 2020 -- as the rage in this country boiled over and protesters took to the streets. Though some of the lyrics remained the same, the new ones were changed with true purpose:
Well George Floyd was murdered by a cop
The whole world saw the video and watched
Now justice is long overdue
Grab your pitchforks, weâre heading to Pennsylvania Avenue
I had nothing left when the first pre-chorus hit:Â âI hope the Devil and Donald and Mitch McConnell rot in hell for all tomorrowsâ. Tattoo this on my fucking soul.
All funds from the song were donated to Community Bail Funds (via Act Blue) & Campaign Zero. I purchased the track before hearing a note.
1) Machine Gun Kelly -Â âMy Bloody Valentineâ
Going into the year, I couldnât tell you the difference between Machine Gun Kelly and Mac Miller -- now theyâre both fixtures in this Top 10. All I really knew about MGK involved tattoos and a rap battle lost to Eminem (not that anyone ever beats Eminem).
In 2020, he took a punk/emo turn, with the services of GOAT drummer Travis Barker and new squeeze Megan Fox at his side. This songâs lyrics could potentially be cheesy but arenât -- they all land. From the simulation going bad to not wanting âfake loveâ to all the damn second guessing and the earnestness that just wonât let you off the mat.
Every piece to the puzzle adds something: the messy hair, the Ken doll build, the forced iconic pink guitar that now feels actually iconic. It was almost like no one had any fun this year so he could have all of it on our behalf. Thereâs a half second shot of him sticking his tongue our during the pre-chorus, a joy 99.99% of us never got to feel.
The album itself was just as fantastic*; a 2000â˛s pop punk throwback with a Halsey duet, horrible skits (hi, Pete Davidson FaceTime), OpIvy lyrical nod (complete with a royalty check), a warp speed punk track that doesnât even crack the minute mark, your token 6/8 ballad, acoustic closer (about his daughter), and some experimentation that leaves the new genre but still stays nearby; shades of Lil Peep, if he had Blink-182 as his backing band. Speaking of, please do not miss Travisâ fill at the 2:30 mark.
(* - named âTickets To My Downfallâ... woof)
MGK could get cancelled tomorrow, but weâll always have this year in a bottle. The acoustic version of the song (sung in a lower resister), the 10 minute making of video (that I watched, uh, twice)... shit, he even turned it into a medley at the start of 2021.
It might be cliche to say âstay winningâ, but when someone stacks this many Wâs with no end in sight, what the fuck else do you call it? Real love.
* * *
Thank you so much for reading. Here is the Spotify playlist (includes 87 of the 88 songs).
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91 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2020
Below are my favorite quotes from 2020. Though most occurred throughout the year, some took place before but were encountered during.
1) âYou donât have to be new to make new.â - Rick Rubin
2) âHe put the beat on and go to sleep then wake up with a verse.â - The Lox
3) âEvery opinion is bad.â - Blink-155
4)
(via Twitter)
5)Â âAt the start of every disaster movie, thereâs a scientist being ignored.â
6)Â âBe brave enough to suck at something new.â
7)Â âComedy is the only job you can have where you can use everything you knowâ - Robin Williams via Dave Chappelle
8)Â âWhatâs the worst swear word where you live?â - Josiah Hughes
9)Â âCookies are a really great way to get everybody to like you for a short period of timeâ - YSAC
10)Â âThe worst dancer at a wedding is the one whoâs not dancing.â - John Mulaney
11) âI never saw the end of the tunnel. I only saw myself running out of one." - Kobe Bryant
12)Â "A good movie begins as you're walking out of the theater" - Ethan Hawke
13)Â âWhen I was young and starting in cinema, there was a saying that I carved deep into my heart which is, 'The most personal is the most creative.â That quote was from our great Martin Scorsese.â - Bong Joon-ho
14)Â âRun to the rescue with love, and peace will followâ - River Phoenix via Joaquin Phoenix
15)Â âThank you -- I will drink until next morning.â - Bong Joon-ho
16)Â âMen will bury their emotions for decades and then take it all out on children tubing while they drive the boat.â - @krauter_
17)Â âThey help you with the dumb face stuff, but they donât tell you how to fix itâ - Adam (Nateâs friend), on having older sisters
18) âWe all had our connections, but itâs not the details themselves that matter, itâs the feeling behind them. There are a million coming-of-age tales. Lady Birdâs secret sauce is how deeply its creator gave a shit. The older I get, the less I care about anything but the sense of a filmmakerâs personal connection to the material. It doesnât matter what itâs about, what genre it is, or whether itâs genre at all. I only really care that it feels like something the filmmaker had to tell me, and that it was that filmmaker in particular who had to tell it. It has to answer the âwhy are you telling me thisâ question, and not just why are you telling me, but why are you telling me.
Lady Bird is a movie that feels like only Greta Gerwig couldâve made. And itâs only because itâs so specific to her that it can be so meaningful to so many people.â - Vince Mancini
19)Â "I have cast some lonely votes, fought some lonely fights, mounted some lonely campaigns. But I do not feel lonely now.â - Bernie Sanders
20)Â âEver hear a Beatles song you havenât heard before?â
21)Â âDrinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now.â - Charles Bukowski
22)Â âYou shouldnât have to hear a band to know if theyâre good or notâ - Josiah Hughes
23)Â âI was raised by OGs. Â Some of you were raised by IG. Â I understand.â - Ice-T
* * *
[Here is where I note the line of demarcation that was the COVID-19 pandemic hitting the US, pushed forward by Tom Hanksâ announcement, the NBA and NCAA shutting down, and, then, the nation itself.]
* * *
24)Â âThere are decades where nothing happens, and there are weeks where decades happen.â - Vladimir Lenin
25)Â "Taken together, this is a massive failure in leadership that stems from a massive defect in character. Trump is such a habitual liar that he is incapable of being honest, even when being honest would serve his interests. He is so impulsive, shortsighted, and undisciplined that he is unable to plan or even think beyond the moment. He is such a divisive and polarizing figure that he long ago lost the ability to unite the nation under any circumstances and for any cause. And he is so narcissistic and unreflective that he is completely incapable of learning from his mistakes. The presidentâs disordered personality makes him as ill-equipped to deal with a crisis as any president has ever been. With few exceptions, what Trump has said is not just useless; it is downright injurious." - Peter Wehner
26)Â "Epidemics have a way of revealing underlying truths about the societies they impact." - Anne Applebaum
27)Â âA funny thing about quarantining is hearing your partner in full work mode for the first time. Like, Iâm married to a âletâs circle backâ guy â who knew?â - Laura Norkin
28)Â
(Jojo Rabbit)
29)Â âThe world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. - Deadwood: The Movie
30) âAll bleeding stops eventually.â - Deadwood: The Movie
31) âOur Father, which art in heaven⌠/ Let him fucking stay thereâ - Deadwood: The Movie
32)Â âItâs like a power outage, but we still have powerâ - Ryen Russillo, on the pandemic
33)Â âWhenever Sox baseball returns, itâll be weird to not have Farmer on the call any more. The relationship between a fan and longtime announcer is always built in the little moments. One afternoon, heâs the soundtrack as you clean the garage. On another night, heâs your bookmark for the game as you stand in line for churros or walk down the ramps at Sox Park to try for better seats in the 100 level. A voice like Farmerâs becomes so familiar that you only really notice when itâs no longer there.â - Kevin Kaduk, on the passing of Ed Farmer
34)Â
(via Twitter)
35)Â âIn my songs, I try to look through someone elseâs eyes, and I want to give the audience a feeling more than a messageâ - John Prine
36) âObserve everything. Admire nothing.â - Generation Kill
37) âTrump, by that definition, has always been a wartime president -- always willing to sacrifice people he doesnât know to things he only sort of cares aboutâ - David Roth
38)Â "Whenever they speak Michael Jordan, they should speak Scottie Pippen." - Michael Jordan
39)Â "Fiction is a bridge to the truth that journalism can't reach." - Hunter S. Thompson
40)Â âAirlines sending me âweâre in this togetherâ emails. When my suitcase was 52 pounds I was on my own.â - Mike Dentale
41)Â âSometimes you can be the worst source of your own storyâ - Ryen Russillo
42) âFamily is not necessarily blood, but instead who you would bleed for.â
43)
(via Twitter)
44)Â "This is the deal that Jordan made, knowingly or unknowingly â that he would trade everything he had for everything he wanted. And then, when he won all those things, he found that he had nothing but that.â - David Roth
45)Â âIâm brand loyal, but the brand doesnât matterâ - Caitie Miller, on why she doesnât like generic peanut butter
46)Â âNOBODY shitposts Gene Hackman!!â - Mark Dehlinger
47)Â âWhen a man concludes that any stick is good enough to beat his foe withâthat is when he picks up a boomerang.â - G.K. Chesterton
48)Â âYou can be appalled forever, but shocked only once.â - Jeff Weiss, on early Eminem
49)Â âWhether Iâm pessimistic or optimistic, the fightâs the sameâ - David Simon
50)Â âFreedom can never be completely won, but it can be lost.â - Bernard Simon
51)Â âRacism in America is like dust in the air. It seems invisible â even if youâre choking on it â until you let the sun in. Then you see itâs everywhere. As long as we keep shining that light, we have a chance of cleaning it wherever it lands.â -Kareem Abdul Jabbar
52)Â âIn a racist society, it is not enough to be non-racist -- we must be anti-racist.â - Angela Davis
53)Â âStart as close to the end as possibleâ - Kurt Vonnegut, on creative writing
54)Â âYou canât stay woke all the time â thatâs insomnia.â - Dr. Cornel West
55)Â âNo, I get it. Iâve dated a lot of Geminis.â
56)Â âThe joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.â - John Krakauer, Into The Wild (via Tyler Keller)
57)Â "I couldn't show them my For You because it's pretty much just lesbian stuff and depression memes" - Maggie Loesch, on showing TikTok to her coworkers
58)Â "It's 1 a.m. in Slovakia and I've already had one bottle of wine and I don't know how long this press conference will go, so good luck to me." - Marian Hossa, following his NHL Hall of Fame announcement
59)Â âAll I want in life is to go on an Anguilla group tripâ - Mandy Gilkes
60)Â âYou miss old friends when you donât see them, but you miss them more when you do.â - Chuck Klosterman
61)Â âThe only way to appreciate the present is to pretend itâs already the past.â - Chuck Klosterman
62) Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind
You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth
Until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back
At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now
How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked
(âEverybody's Free [To Wear Sunscreen]â)
Second time that essayâs been quoted on this list.
64)Â "I mean, it's just human nature to suck up to the people above you, crap on those beneath you, and undercut your equalsâ - Brian, Family Guy
65)Â âYou never quit a job. You quit a manager.â - Brian Bedford
66)Â âAll the pictures in my house are of people Iâm not friends withâ - Tracy Cunningham
67)Â âIn order to leave something behind, you have to leave.â - Dr. Herman, Greyâs Anatomy
68)Â
(via Twitter)
69)Â âYou can obsess about death if you donât have to obsess about dying.â - Brendan Kelly via âWhite Noiseâ
70) âIf itâs right to do, itâs wrong to wait.â - Andy, doormanÂ
71)
72)Â âWhen I'm sometimes asked when will there be enough [women on the Supreme Court] and I say, 'When there are nine,' people are shocked. But there'd been nine men, and nobody's ever raised a question about that.â - Ruth Bader Ginsburg
73)Â "America is mostly people whoâve never left their state saying we have the best country in the world." - Billy Wayne Davis
74)Â âA writer is someone who knows at least 80% of their writing sucks.â - Gabe Hudson
75)Â
(via Twitter)
76)Â âYouâre dead twiceâ - Brendan Kelly
77)Â âPerfect is the enemy of goodâ - Voltaire (via Zach Lowe)
78)Â âI donât want to be a savior, I want to be a mirror.â - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
79)Â âI get bad Twitter FOMO but not real life FOMO. That just goes to show I need to get off the Internet.â - Josh Thomas
80) âIs there anything you love in life that you engage with seriously that you don't also engage with humor?" - Sam Sutherland, on his relationship with Blink-182
81) âMy favorite genre of music is my friends' bands" - Josiah Hughes
82)Â âLetâs fall in love like both our parents arenât divorced.â
83)Â âSeabiscuit may be the only earthling that was on both sides of the stamp.â - Brendan Kelly
84)Â âThereâs no shame in coming in second, except in, like, wars.â - Family Guy
85)Â âI feel like I experience writerâs block 100% of the time, and when I do write, I have impostor syndrome.â - Phoebe Bridgers
86)Â âWe teach based on what we most need to learn.â - psychologist on Greyâs Anatomy
87)Â âHaving too many choices is the leading cause of stressâ - Greyâs Anatomy
88)Â âI think we've all gravely underestimated the extent to which this year has changed all of us, permanentlyâ - Kelli Maria Korducki
89)Â
(via Twitter)
90) âI wonder if people understand why they donât have polioâ - Sandra E. Garcia
91)Â âEnding songs is terrible, so letâs keep singingâ - Dave Hernandez
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My Top 75 Songs Of 2019
Previously: 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011
First time going below 100 songs since 2015, and I cannot wait. Giving this extra juice already.
As always, criteria and info:
This is a list of what I personally like, not ones Iâm saying are the âbestâ from the year; more subjective than objective
No artist is featured more than once
If it comes down to choosing between two songs, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track
Each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check them out for yourself; there is also a Spotify playlist at the bottom that includes the majority of the songs
This is usually the part where I put up a pump up video, but we are going with something a little different this year.
(It was stuck my head. Blame Blink-155.)
75) YG -Â âIn The Darkâ
The video begins with YG chugging a full tequila bottle -- sure. This song is very bad. Itâs like heâs in a competition to make the verse lyrics worse than the chorus lyrics (spoiler alert: the verses âwinâ); not even satanic imagery can save this.
74) Solange -Â âStay Floâ
Hereâs a weird take: wouldnât Solangeâs career be way more fun if everyone slept on her? Instead, itâs hype on hype -- plus being BeyoncĂŠâs sister -- which makes it nearly impossible to deliver. This has a fun beat/vibe but is kinda boring... and was still easily my favorite off her album.
73) Art Alexakis - âThe Hot Water Testâ
My doctors told me that I had a disease / I will slowly fall apart until thereâs nothing left that looks like me
This song makes the stakes clear immediately. It was released a few months after I saw Art play in June 2019 on my birthday. At the intimate show, he revealed his multiple sclerosis diagnosis as if we were all his closest friends. Something like this is never easy to deal with -- a similar announcement by the Lucky Boys Confusion singer did not help matters -- but music can help such a painful situation, and itâs clearly Alexakisâ exile here.
72) The Cranberries -Â âIn The Endâ
A very suitable sendoff for the band following the passing of singer Dolores OâRiordan. The recording story (via NPR):
O'Riordan died suddenly in January 2018 at 46 years old and left behind the vocal tracks to what was intended to be the band's latest album. Now, O'Riordan's bandmates have decided to complete that album, In The End â the last album the band will release â in her memory.Â
[...]
In June 2017, O'Riordan and Hogan started emailing album ideas and demos back and forth to each other. O'Riordan had been very open about her struggles with mental health and addiction, which would affect the band at times, but they wanted to make a new album. Hogan says that when they were emailing those demos, she was in a good place. They started laying down her demos.
"All of that was kind of behind her," Hogan says. "She's kind of found a way to cope with the mental health thing. That's why she wanted to write so much. That's what she kept saying, 'I have so much to say, I just need the music to put it to.' "
Hogan says O'Riordan's apparent stability is what made her death even more tragic and devastating. (Officials ruled O'Riordan's cause of death to be accidental drowning due to alcohol intoxication.) But after a period of mourning, the remaining band members remembered they still had O'Riordan's demos. As Hogan remembers, they finally had the courage to start listening to them again in late February and, with her family's permission, started recording in April. "We spoke to her family and said, 'Look, how do you feel about us finishing the album?' And they were really supportive," Lawler says. "They were delighted, actually. They gave us their blessing."
Hogan says, in a sense, they were used to O'Riordan not being in the studio when they recorded â "Dolores hated hanging around the studio once we worked on our parts" â but, of course, this time was different.
71) Raleigh Ritchie - âTime In A Treeâ
Exercise time. Play the first minute or so of this song without looking at any YouTube visuals.
/waits for you
OK, who are you picturing singing this? Got your image?
Well, whatever it was, youâre wrong -- itâs GREY WORM HIMSELF.
This was the best thing about âGame of Thronesâ in 2019, sadly.
70) Culture Abuse - âGooâ
Simple, effective, gets out before you can dislike much.
69) Lil Pump f/ Lil Wayne -Â âBe Like Meâ
Sometimes, a song starts, and you can just tell itâs going to be ignorant. Even before the vocals kick in. This was probably our moment here:
Between that and the beat, itâs like the only thing you can think is âOhhhh, heâs about to say some horrible things about women.â
Other choice lines:
- âYes, Iâm hella ignorant, I donât give a fuckâ (he even says it in the song)
-Â âI take drugs like itâs Vitamin C / Iâm a millionaire, but I donât know how to readâ
This song almost feels like it existed already.
68) The Get Up Kids -Â âSatelliteâ
Finally, our first rock song with some punch. This probably takes the crown from both DMB and P.O.D.
67) Bad Religion -Â âMy Sanityâ
BR is historically my favorite band, so it is rather deflating to see them so far back on this list. That said, it is Year 40 (!!!) of their existence, so some can be forgiven. Yet... weâve never needed them more, you know? Itâs this weird mixture of resentment but understanding.
66) Billy Liar - âThe Righteous & The Ratsâ
Gonna see him (them?) open for The Bombpops in March; looks quite promising. Has an old school Brit punk feel.
65) Beach Slang -Â âAAAâ
Beach Slang never lets you forget they love -- no, like, LOVE -- The Replacements. When this cover dropped, I googled âreplacements AAAâ, and, surprisingly, nothing came up.
Ohhh, what I fool I was. After more digging, I discovered a band called Grandpaboy who performed âAAAâ.
âOh, damn -- he finally went outside the box with this pick.â
No. Grandpaboy is fronted by Paul Westerberg. Singer of, you guessed it, The Replacements.
James Alex wears his heart on his sleeve so hard, he might as well give the heart a little jacket so his heart can wear its own heart on its sleeve.
HE DID THAT TOO?!
You canât even make jokes about this band; they live in the jokes with their damn earnestness.
64) Gesaffelstein & The Weeknd -Â âLost In The Fireâ
Even lesser known Weeknd-involved tracks sound like they could lead a soundtrack or close out a festival. Are you familiar with this one at all? It has 87 million views on YouTube. Abel is never not not playing.
63) FIDLAR -Â âBy Myselfâ
Started from the bottom and Iâm still at the bottom
Falling apart never felt so carefree and burdenless.
62) Constant Elevation -Â âFuck Runninâ
As hardcore punk as this list is gonna get. All glory to Vinnie Caruana. Though none of his solo tracks from 2019 made it, this has an undeniable energy and confidence. Plus probably the best song title of the year.
61) Maren Morris f/ Brandi Carlile - âCommonâ
A focused duet that drills into relationship dynamics before throwing a personal theology wrench in the middle of the chorus.
60) Anti-Flag -Â âChristian Nationalistâ
AF going in on the white, religious right. This is like throwing a 50 mph pitch to -- /looks up good baseball players -- Pete Alonso.
59) Cokie The Clown -Â âPunk Rock Saved My Lifeâ
This is less of a song and more of a confessional essay, and it gets harder and harder to look away with every revealing detail. If NOFXâs Fat Mike needed this character as a vehicle to get all of these autobiographical details off his chest, hopefully itâs a helpful therapy.
58) White Reaper - âMight Be Rightâ
âJudy Frenchâ is such an untoppable song, but âMight Be Rightâ has a similar dynamic.
57) Denzel Curry -Â âRICKYâ
Denzel Curry as a rap moniker is such a slam dunk.
/looks up actual name
!!!
56) Ariana Grande -Â âbreak up with your girlfriend, iâm boredâ
It takes a special kind of hot girl twisted to issue this unflinching request while totally pulling it off.
55) Goody Grace f/ blink-182 - âScumbagâ
Not sure if Goody is a Soundcloud rapper, punk rocker, or some kinda emo hybrid of both.
A few asides:
- Have we ever -- ever -- heard Travis Barker this subdued on drums?
- On the Blink-155 podcast, Goody said he gave Tom from the Plain White Tâs a songwriting credit because he unintentionally lifted some melodies from âHey There Delilahâ, but... I really donât hear it at all; like, it sounds maybe in the same key but not much else?
54) Jonas Brothers - âSuckerâ
Despite their popularity in the past, I do not think I could name a single JoBros song. That changed in 2019 with this poppy, light, clappy, Maroon 5-style single.
53) Goo Goo Dolls - âMoney, Fame & Fortuneâ
Someone -- coulda sworn it was Brendan Kelly -- said this was Goo Goo Dolls sounding like Fake Problems, and that is spot on.
52) AJJ - âA Poemâ
A poem is song that no one cares about
This short, folky tune led to one of my favorite Twitter exchanges of the year, when I reached out to a music journalist with a question and AJJ came flying off the top rope.
51) DaBaby - âSugeâ
This song is fun, but I really donât get it. Beat is cool, flow is fine... this is the new face of hip-hop? His name is DaBaby! What are we doing here?!
50) Laura Stevenson - âJesus, Etc.â
Taking a classic and doing it full justice/adding some harmonies.
49) blink-182 -Â âNot Another Christmas Songâ
Blinkâs 2019 album âNineâ was very, very bad because it tried too hard and was not good. This song, released later in the year, takes an opposite approach and actually works. We get lyrics that are discontent, even clumsy at times -- the âI miss fucking in the rainâ line is so out of place/cringe-y but actually feels real and not workshopped by 10 producers. The trio can hopefully use this better b-side to figure out the best songwriting should flow out of you without having to go through multiple stations on a conveyor belt first.
48) Dave Hause -Â âEye Aye Iâ
This song has a lot I love (catchy chorus, wistful thoughts, hairline analyses) and a lot I donât (genuine use of the word âold boresâ, Van Halen getting respect), but one thing is clear: Dave Hause is in complete control.
47) Beck -Â âUp All Nightâ
Iâve casually followed Beckâs entire career and would not have guessed this was him if given 100 chances. As an exercise, Iâm going to pull up the 2020 Coachella lineup and randomly point to an artist.
/pulls up lineup and points
I got Daniel Caesar. If you told me this was Daniel Caesar, that would probably make more sense here.
46) Shawn Mendes - âIf I Canât Have Youâ
Randomly came into Shawn Mendes tickets in 2019, and good gracious, that was something. Other than parents, we were the oldest people there by a lot. Getting to watch thousands of teens and preteens legitimately having the best moment of their lives was downright inspiring. When youâre that young, itâs not even hyperbole. Phones were flagrantly out; Iâm talking 20+ minutes of straight video being filmed. I wanted to judge so badly, but if you gave me an iPhone at my first concert when I was 14, who the hell knows how egregious my behavior wouldâve been. As fun as the whole experience was, I never wanted to be in a grimy punk club more. Sometimes, leaving your comfort zone makes you appreciate your home base more.
This is a rock solid pop song, but there are way too many you/you rhymes to not penalize it some.
45) Big Thief -Â âCattailsâ
The whitest song you will ever hear that isnât written by Vampire Weekend.
44) Bayside -Â âPrayersâ
Bayside went super metal with their 2019 release âInterrobangâ (such a sick name). So yes, the guitars are a touch harder than you might be used to, but the chorus soars; a great hook transcends genre.
43) Naughty Boy & Mike Posner -Â âLive Before I Dieâ
Few had as interesting of a year as Mike Posner. Following a breakup, the death of his father, and the death of Avicii, he decided to walk across the United States of America. He legit became Forrest Gump, right down to the beard and grown out hair.
In the video, you can see how a snakebite hospitalized him and almost derailed the whole trek. After a rehabilitation period where he almost lost his leg, our man finally makes it to the Pacific Ocean. If nothing else, watch for the ending -- itâs exhilarating.
42) Post Malone -Â âWow.â
Post is flexing in this one; weâve got slow motion jamming with the Red Hot Chili Peppers, international flights, a dancing beard guy, and a Fall Out Boy name check which really makes them sound cooler than they are now.
41) Bryce Vine f/ YG -Â âLa La Landâ
Sometimes, these summertime Cali songs write themselves. That is until YG comes in and flips over the board before you can finish the game. By the time the Coachella reference is dropped when Bryce comes back in, you realize 1:47 may have actually been a better endpoint for the song than its 2:47 length.
40) David Rokos - âBackseat Drivesâ
Itâs winter in Chicago, again and until forever. If you havenât been to the Jewel in the South Loop or Marshall Fieldâs before they changed it, just listen to this so you donât actually have to.
39) Simple Creatures - âDrugâ
Mark Hoppus and the dude from All Time Low give us this synth-pop bop that feels like the duo shooting their shot at a real mainstream pop hits. It didnât quite get there, but they should feel OK about where it landed.
38) Chris Cresswell - âTo The Windâ
My interest in The Flatliners ramped up considerably in 2019, as their near decade old record âCavalcadeâ got plenty of spins (peep âFilthy Habitsâ; just stunningly incredible punk). Though they did not release anything this year, their singer put out âTo The Windâ, a longing song about missing someone.
37) Kesha f/ Big Freedia - âRaising Hellâ
Kesha, with the help of New Orleansâ Big Freedia, gives us another one. Iâve personally dug Kesha for a while now, but when is it time for us as a society to put her into the all-time conversation for pop artists? She has at least, like, seven HOF certifiable bangers. Plus she kills a guy in this music video.
In conclusion, I think this could translate to a country song very easily.
36) No Lenox - âMarqueeâ
Illinois/Japanâs No Lenox are back with Reuben Baird on the mixer and legendary masterer Collin Jordan (of The Boiler Room) on the, well, master, and the fullness in sound leads to the assault that is the âI saw your name on the marquee / Your friends were milling around outsideâ part. They only play it once, but I really couldâve gone for closer to five.
35) Red City Radio - âLove A Liarâ
Rapid fire Red City Radio gets this one done in exactly 120 seconds.
34) Barely March -Â âLead Singleâ
This sounds like Joyce Manor turned up to a 17 out of 10 before unexpectedly turning into a hellogoodbye song.
33) New Lenox -Â âOld Wordsâ
Not a typo from two songs ago -- legitimately a different band. This one was written by your boy. The first 15 seconds were from a demo recorded 1/2/16 before developing the rest in 2019 (after some encouragement). We have Dave Rokos on guitar/bass, Dave Hernandez on hums, and Brian Bedford on some very temporary sleigh bells. Themes: online dating, resolutions, exes, currents, Black Wednesday, hope, and Carly Rae Jepsen stage banter.
32) MakeWar -Â âSailsâ
Honey, I canât make it on my own
You might get some Gaslight Anthem vibes as the vocals come in, but by the time the song ends, MakeWar leaves their own imprint on this impassioned ballad.
31) Sheryl Crow & Johnny Cash -Â âRedemption Dayâ
Was gonna say Johnnyâs voice could move mountains before realizing no, Johnnyâs voice is the mountains.
30) American Football f/ Hayley Williams -Â âUncomfortably Numbâ
Sensitivity deprived
I can't feel a thing inside
I blamed my father in my youth
Now as a father, I blame the booze
An unlikely collaboration that makes you forget about its unlikeliness by the two minute mark. The two voices trade spots, mesh, harmonize, and weave throughout this beautiful song.
Asides:
- Blake from âWorkaholicsâ in the video?!
- Choose to interpret this songâs title as a Pink Floyd diss
-Â âIâll make new friends in the ambulanceâ should be a 2005-level emo lyric that we all mock, yet itâs somehow one of the most stunningly appropriate closers of the entire year
- I wish my friend Luke was with us to hear it
29) Stuck Out Here -Â âEmbarrass Youâ
Stuck Out Here got onto my radar with 2014â˛s amazingly named âGetting Used To Feeling Like Shitâ. Five years later, theyâre back -- and not feeling much better. The Toronto quartetâs Bandcamp describes the song like this:
Theyâre fucking up, but unlike previous releases, theyâre finally holding themselves accountable.Â
You can even kinda hear their Canadian accents in the âIâm sorry I embarrass you...â part.
28) The Weeknd - âHeartlessâ
The Weeknd will be on these lists as long as he continues to make music even 1/8th as good as this.
27) The Chainsmokers f/ blink-182 -Â âP.S. I Hope Youâre Happyâ
A simple song thatâs a touch more clever than you first realize. The Chainsmokers guy is giving me some real Owl City vibes. Also, how airtight of an apology is the line âI blame myself for when I was someone elseâ. Itâs like the modern way of saying âWhen I was a child, I spoke like a childâ.Â
Also also, the âI will find a way somehow...â harmony in the pre-chorus is as pretty as music got in 2019. The Chainsmokers are so sonically pleasing, whether you end up liking the music or not.
26) Vampire Weekend - âHarmony Hallâ
ooooooooh, that crisp guitar in the intro
25) Alex Lahey -Â âDonât Be So Hard On Yourselfâ
If Carly Rae Jepsen can get a sword, why canât Alex Lahey get a god damn saxophone? HIT ME.
That solo, combined with the âMighty Ducksâ reference in the chorus, make this song untouchable.
24) Lizzo -Â âTruth Hurtsâ
Letâs be clear: this did drop in 2017 but was technically re-released in 2019, so it does qualify for our list despite the criteria threatening timeline. Anyway.
The walking piano part, the iconic intro line (with a lawsuit!), the Minnesota Vikings reference (causing a Green Bay radio edit), and all of the damn positivity. Lizzo was among musicâs big winners this year, and her success made you wonder how the hell someone this talented was slept on for those two years.
Letâs end with the purse.
23) An Horse -Â âShip Of Foolsâ
Awkward band name, but a song that makes you pay attention. Kinda like Tegan and Sara, had they stayed more rock. So much urgency in the vocals and lyrics.
22) Charli XCX f/ Lizzo - âBlame It On Your Loveâ
Trippy vid; Charli continues to give us anthems. Wasnât super high on the Lizzo cameo, but it somehow made more sense in the context of said video.
21) Sincere Engineer -Â âDragged Across The Finish Lineâ
Sincere Engineer is back -- you can tell from the second those guitar leads get goinâ. Drums from 1:19 to 1:36 = /heart eyes emoji. My buddy Cox said his next tattoo very well could be the outro lyric âToo dumb to succeed, too honest to cheatâ.
(Bonus fact: they did a beer collaboration/show with Pollyanna Brewing Company in 2019.)
20) Lil Nas X -Â âOld Town Roadâ
Was unwilling to listen when this first dropped solely because of how horrible Lil Nas Xâs name is (âWhat if a rapper came out named âLil Jay-Z Xâ?!â)... what a foolish notion. One billion streams and a Billy Cyrus cameo later, I wouldnât have been able to miss out on the Song of the Summer (and year) if I tried. More notes:
- Picked this because I had to, but âPaniniâ is legit good (200+ million streams)
- Went with the original (sorry, Billy), which is a beautiful 1:53 long (brevity, brevity, brevity)
- Did you know: Lil Nas X uses a Nine Inch Nails sample on the beat? This Rolling Stone interview with Trent Reznor is super interesting
Reznor calls âOld Town Roadâ âundeniably hooky,â but once it exploded, he took a back seat to the phenomenon. âThe reason I havenât stepped in to comment anything about it is, I donât feel itâs my place to play any kind of social critic to that,â he says. âIt was a material that was used in a significant way and it turned into something that became something else, and those guys should be the ones the spotlight is onâŚ. They asked if I wanted to do a cameo in the video, and it was flattering, and I donât mean to be disrespectful, but I donât feel like itâs my place to shine a light on me for that. I say that with complete respect.â
Still, Reznor is amazed at how the song became a juggernaut. âHaving been listed on the credits of the all-time, Number One whatever-the-fuck-it-is wasnât somethingâŚI didnât see that one coming,â he says. âBut the world is full of weird things that happen like that. Itâs flattering. But I donât feel itâs for me to step in there and pat myself on the back for that.â
19) Gryffin & Carly Rae Jepsen -Â âOMGâ
What doesnât this little bop have? Itâs kinda Chainsmoker-y and tingles like cool breath hitting the back of your neck.
18) Craig Finn -Â âBlanketsâ
You travel your whole life just to get out to the place youâre gonna die
I love everything about this song: the artwork, the intro, the climax, the command Craig Finn has from start to finish -- with such a payoff. Now several albums in, the greatest compliment we can give is that his solo stuff now feels more essential than Hold Steady releases*. You can even hear it in this line:Â âWhen we got to the Twin Cities / I said âMan, I know some songs about this placeââ. Another life.
17) Carly Rae Jepsen -Â âNow That I Found Youâ
Carly always keeps us in the sky; picking one song was difficult because the album is even more fulfilling as you get to put the pieces together.
16) Billie Eilish -Â âBad Guyâ
Different genres*, but Billie Eilish lived up to her hype in the exact same way Lana Del Rey did in the earlier part of the decade. Lana said she was the gangster Nancy Sinatra and totally fucking was. Billie feels like something potentially even bigger. Nearly everything about her aura lets you project (or even second guess, if youâre a skeptic). Is she dead-eyed because sheâs high or disaffected? Or just Aubrey Plaza? Is it her or her brother thatâs pulling the strings? How can someone so young be so good already? In the skinny fashion era of All Achilles Everything, how is she rocking such loose fits?
âI never want the world to know everything about me. I mean thatâs why I wear big baggy clothes,â she said. âNobody can have an opinion because they havenât seen whatâs underneath.â
âNobody can be like âOh, sheâs slim-thick, sheâs not slim-thick, sheâs got a flat ass, sheâs got a fat ass,ââ she continued. âNo one can say any of that because they donât know.â
It almost seems too easy, but how much sense does that make to you?
Great jokes aside, I have so much anticipation for whatâs next, with assured belief in its potential. Pitchfork:Â
In 10 years, she will still be well under 30. Letâs hope the planet survives that long.
Yes.
(* - though not totally)
15) Ben Gibbard -Â âFillerâ
Before you check Gibbardâs, please listen to the original by Minor Threat. Thatâs what he had to work with. From there, a total transformation while doing the near impossible -- keeping its beating heart.
14) Martha -Â âWrestlemania VIIIâ
Third favorite song title of the year/favorite music video of the year. This is energetic, bratty punk at its finest; also surprised to find out it was British, but, based on the upcoming tour dates and YouTube description...
This is a silly & frankly quite rubbish video but when you are a band trapped within surveillance capitalism's endless hunger for content trying to promote a tour sometimes things will be a silly & frankly quite rubbish.Â
I love them. Seriously didnât even notice the accents in the singing until I knew to look for them; now, itâs all I can hear. Also, the part in the video where they finally show someone with an instrument, only he stops playing guitar halfway into the solo (/crying emoji).
THEY SAY
ABSENCE
MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDA
13) Chance The Rapper f/ Ben Gibbard -Â âDo You Rememberâ
Chance The Rapper dropped a one hour and 17 minute album in 2019 because he is a monster. I could not name three songs on it, but this one stood out big. Itâs Chano doing what he does best: reminiscing and evoking summer in his city. Gibbard on the hook gives it that 2005 nostalgia while also making you say âDamn, itâs been nearly 15 years since 2005?!â
Fav two lines:
1)Â âUsed to have obsession with the â27 Clubâ / Now I'm turning 27, wanna make it to the 2070 club / Put the 27's down, Lord, give me a clean lung /Â Took the ring up out the box, I know this ain't no brief loveâ
2)Â âThat summer left a couple tan lines / I love my city, they let me cut the line on the Dan Ryanâ
(If you know, you know.)
Two more asides:
- If you Google âdeath cab for cutieâ, the next autofill from there is âdo you rememberâ. Rough for the legacy.
-Â âMy daughter on the swing like the 2017 Cubsâ is a line that confused me, but hereâs how Genius explained it:
Chance is talking about a memorable summer and the things that made him happy. This line continues that theme when he raps about his daughter happily on a swing and how thatâs similar to the 2017 Cubs. The Chicago Cubs won the World Series in 2016; therefore, the 2017 season was one of celebration and relaxation as the pressure of the 108 year drought was over.Â
12) Lana Del Rey -Â âThe Greatestâ
I miss Long Beach, and I miss you...
Listening to this song feels like watching the cement dry on a classic in real time. Lana Del Reyâs galactic âNorman Fucking Rockwell!â dominated lists at the end of 2019, and she -- to borrow her word -- fucking deserved it.
- The Beach Boys line is so god damn perfect
- The guitar solo (soooo sick)
- The breathy singing; the crooning; the notes that go up and then down until youâre surrounded by melody
- The perfection of this album name (minus the very iffy exclamation point) will have me comparing nearly any other all-time album title for probably the rest of our livesÂ
- Tried playing this album during my Monday night pickup basketball run, and it very much failed... but thatâs about the only thing it couldnât do
- Iâm told the dude with her on the album cover is Jack Nicholsonâs grandson (named Duke Nicholson, because of course)
11) Off With Their Heads -Â âNo Loveâ
If you do not like punk rock, this will be unlistenable. If you do, what a treat! I love how dissatisfied and put off he sounds, and, while there are a few more lively songs remaining on the list, none in 2019 got fast-tracked to my workout/pump up playlist at this speed.
Factoring in the bandâs van accident (occurred after the release of this song), the âThereâs nothing I could say thatâs ever gonna make it rightâ outro becomes hauntingly clairvoyant.
10) Drake f/ Rick Ross -Â âMoney In The Graveâ
We need to face facts: it was a down year for stadium hip-hop. Nowhere on this list do you see Jay, Em, Kendrick, or Kanye (rest in peace). This was my favorite rap song of the year, and it couldnât even crack the Top 5. Similar to his beloved Raptors -- who are being celebrated here -- itâs almost as if Drake needed some injuries outside his own locker room to get the crown. But Iâm done being bummed, letâs focus on the good:
- Ohhhh, the intro (âI mean where. the fuck. should I. really even start?â)
- The way he says âgraveâ in the hook like he can barely containÂ
- The hook itself -- read it out loud: âWhen I die, put my money in the graveâ
- How cool Ross sounds when he breaks in
- The Zion reference
The bad:
- Rarely take this angle, but really wouldnât mind if it were longer
- Misogyny
9) PUP -Â âBloody Mary, Kate And Ashleyâ
Second favorite song title of the year, 6/8 time signature, satanic references, drugs, hallucinations (maybe), and, yes, the Olsen twins.
8) Better Oblivion Community Center -Â âSleepwalkinââ
âItâs impossible to count...â
The intro, as the tempo gets jarringly slower and slower, ironically helps you acclimate quicker. This Phoebe Bridgers/Conor Oberst collab was my No. 1 played track of 2019 (the album coming out in January definitely helped). The song builds to Phoebeâs solo part:
You like beer and chocolate
I like setting off those bottle rockets
We can never compromise
But fighting 'til the death keeps us alive
Itâs sung so well, you can almost feel the heat of the spotlight on her through the stereo. The lyrics could be anything.
The chill guitar solo takes us out.
7) AM Taxi -Â âSaint Janeâ
Adam Krier is such a rockstar, he had me shouting âIâm no hero, at best a zero!â within my fifth listen -- and I was skeptical as hell when I first heard the line. But thatâs about where it stopped. You can tell this song is going to rip even before the vocals come in. When they do (âThese fears donât die, you get older and they multiplyâ), itâs just fucking time to go.
6) Taylor Swift -Â âPaper Ringsâ
My favorite pop song of 2019. Tay is firing on all cylinders; every lyric is exactly where itâs supposed to be; boppy and fun and sincere (while still being light-hearted). Still holding out minor hope it will be a single in 2020.
5) Pkew Pkew Pkew -Â âThe Polynesianâ
Iâve always said the best songs make you want to live the lyrics, whether they are positive or negative. This one had me researching âpolynesian wisconsinâ faster than Iâm comfortable disclosing. And yes âbed bugsâ and âneedlesâ were both in the Top 7 recommended searches after those first two words.
Pkew Pkew Pkew collaborated with Craig Finn on some of their lyrics on 2019â˛s âOptimal Lifestylesâ, and Iâd be blown away if he doesnât have fingerprints on this one -- the storytelling is pristine. Go into this open-minded, and Iâd be shocked if you werenât shouting the âGoatees, tall cans, camo pants, and Packers fansâ mantra by the end.
Bonus story: this St. Patrickâs day in Chicago, I asked my friend Sara (Wisconsin native) if sheâd ever stayed there, and she held up her elbow and showed me a scar from the hotelâs water slide. Your boy was over the moon.
4) Spanish Love Songs -Â âLosersâ
It gets harder, doesnât it?
Dylan Slocum has a way of not just writing depressing songs -- many lyricists are good at that -- but specifically depressing songs. This song contemplates death, homelessness, squandering your limited time on the planet, credit card debt, leeching off your parents because you have no other choice, crippling illness, and completely giving up because there genuinely is no other choice. The last lines are, without any hint of winking, âWeâre mediocre. Weâre losers. Forever.â
Itâs wonderful.
Two straight Top 4 finishes for SLS; their 2020 album should be something special.
3) oso oso -Â âthe viewâ
If Jade Lilitri is making personal progress in âmicroscopic stridesâ, you wouldnât be able to tell by his songwriting. Every tune has a way of warming up your entire body and being. This grabs you, whether itâs the laid back guitar or the mismatched quick drums or the big ass chorus. While it came down to this one or âbasking in the glowâ (an actual single), the bridge here puts us over the top:
But not as much as the phone ringing
Not as much playing my house
Not as much as the way her goddamn voice sounds
It's like taking in sun
And then taking it back
I fall into old habits
I'm stepping over your cracks again
Her voice? This song.
2) The Menzingers -Â âStrangers Foreverâ
This song makes me want to rip up walls, sprint through streets with no destination, shred my lungs screaming off rooftops, bash hands drumming the steering wheel until my sprained fingers beg me to stop. It is such a perfect encapsulation of my favorite band of the decade and possibly of all-time.
Scrantonâs sons gave me everything and more from 2010 through 2019, so itâs fitting they end so high here. This is probably the most clownable sentence of them all, but I am so constantly thankful I am alive to experience Greg Barnettâs songwriting. What he creates, I can only compare to the best books or movies or athletes or even personal relationships.
The way the guitar alternates in the headphones to start, the drums that go big and push the song along, the reverb vox that certainly could have less reverb, the âit is what it isâ-style lyric of âMy miserable memoryâs making me more miserableâ, the oceanic imagery, the quiet bridge that explodes into a final chorus. Barnett said the overall theme was inspired by Leo Tolstoyâs âAnna Kareninaâ.
In it, the character Darya Alexandrovna learns of her husbands infidelity and declares: âEven if we remain in the same house, we are strangers â strangers forever!â The idea of becoming a stranger to someone you so intimately know stuck with me, and became the overarching narrative to this song. Dollyâs statement is definitive, but she also realizes the trappings of 19th century patriarchal Russian society. Itâs a complex conundrum, and while lyrically I speak in the first person, this song exists in a world outside of my own personal experiences. I wanted to write about the finality of relationships that need to end this way. Strangers Forever.Â
My only gripe is I wish there were more. But Iâm the same person who never wants them to stop.
1) Signals Midwest f/ Sincere Engineer -Â âYour New Old Apartmentâ
Only one song could make me fear missing the chance to be with the love of my life the same year I married her. As discussed in âThe Polynesianâ, the best songs have the consistent ability to put you in someone elseâs shoes. You are either reliving something you personally experienced or maybe taking it all in for the first time. And that can be powerful -- especially dealing with anything big picture.
âYour New Old Apartmentâ launches me into 2009 without ever asking. Age: 23. My life was transient, I had no career, I didnât even believe in marriage. I left my retail job in the Chicago suburbs for an unpaid newspaper internship in New Jersey. When I saw the people I loved, I always tried to make it count. Still do.
The descriptors and feeling are suffocating, right from the jump:
I only saw you a couple times last year
Once at a wedding, once at a funeral
I wore the same clothes to both, and I was worried you would notice
âcause yours were impeccable
Thatâs me, then. Not knowing how to dress but hoping to get by anyway. I remember talking to my buddy P before buying my âwork clothesâ and learning you needed to match your shoes with your belt. Boyish adulthood.
The song continues, and the narrator is filled in on 5-year plans. It may be cliche to speak, but every current moment is simultaneously your youngest and oldest. Being in my early 30s now, it is so easy to scoff at anyoneâs best laid plans, but Iâm also the same cat who thought The Wonder Yearsâ âJesus Christ, Iâm 26 / All the people I graduated with / All have kids, all have wives, all have people who care if they come home at nightâ was life-defining, because I was the same age when that dropped, and it always hits the hardest when itâs all around you.
What I love about these lyrics are the careful observation mixed with mature-behind-his-years restraint. For a very long time in my life, I did not think I would get to be with my wife as anything more than a friend. When you are forced to come to terms with those potential realities, you must make concessions and convince yourself theyâre OK. So when itâs revealed the narratorâs muse is married, he resigns himself to hopefully seeing the person more and at least being adjacent to the life they are living. It is tragic but still something. It is alternate hope in the hopeless.
I can picture myself listening to this song that wasnât yet written while leaving a 2009 or 2010 or 2013 wedding and wishing I told her everything. But I wouldnât have -- not then. I would have poured my heart out into a diary and quoted a line or three from this at the bottom. But that was then, this is now.Â
In 2019, her new old apartment will be my new old apartment, and that will never be lost on me.
* * *
Bonus coverage. Since we are at the end of the decade, I rounded up our No. 1 song from each year and have that below:
2010: The Menzingers -Â âTime Tablesâ
2011: Jay-Z & Kanye West -Â âGotta Have Itâ
2012: Carly Rae Jepsen -Â âCall Me Maybeâ
2013: Kanye West -Â âOn Sightâ
2014: The Menzingers -Â âWhere Your Heartache Existsâ
2015: Big Sean f/ Kanye West -Â âAll Your Faultâ
2016: The Menzingers -Â âLookersâ
2017: The Menzingers -Â âAfter The Partyâ
2018: Horror Squad -Â âI Smoke The Bloodâ
2019: Signals Midwest f/ Sincere Engineer -Â âYour New Old Apartmentâ
* * *
Itâs time to stop writing. Thank you so much for reading.
Spotify playlist is here, featuring 70 of the 75.
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68 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2019
Below are my favorite quotes from 2019. Though most occurred throughout the year, some took place before but were encountered during.
1)Â âI donât bitch about Millenials.
John Entwistle once complained that he didnât understand rap. Pete Townsend said, âItâs not our job to understand it. Itâs our job to get the fuck out of the way.â
New generations come of age. The older generationâs job is to shut up and adapt.â - @danagould
2)Â âI canât do drugs with you until we kiss.â
3)Â âIf you pay me $50 I'll show up to your funeral but stand really far away, holding a black umbrella regardless of the weather, so that people think you died with a dark and interesting secret.â - @DanaSchwartzzz
4)Â âA human being is a dangerous thing to let loose in a room with itself, when it cannot think.â - Roger Ebert
5)Â âThere are no bad bourbons, only better bourbons.â - Dave Hernandez
6)Â âYou canât put a dollar in a kimono.â
7) âThis is how it was.â - rampant takeaway from watching âSuperbadâ several years after its release
8)Â âWhat if I had been born fifty years before you in a house on the street where you lived / Maybe Iâd be outside as you passed on your bike / Would I know? / And in a wide sea of eyes, I see one pair that I recognizeâ - Ben Folds, âThe Luckiestâ
9)Â âLearn the rules so you can break them.â
10)Â âNobody makes chili for two.â - Stacy Massey
11)Â ââBest city in the world,â I mutter to myself, as i adjust my âdriving blanketâ.â - Chicago resident Deanna Belos, during the 2019 Polar Vortex
12)Â âDude, no oneâs ever got arrested for listening to Counting Crows.â - Ricky OâDonnell, justifying late night music volume at his party
13)Â Bill Belichick: Weâre going to have fun tonight.
Rob Gronkowski: Yes we are. We deserve it.
Belichick: Youâre damn right.
Gronk: I havenât stepped out in like eight months. I gotta step out tonight.
Belichick:Â Iâm with you, man. Iâm even going to step out.
Gronk:Â Oh, I like it!
A Super Bowl winning exchange.
14)Â Center David Andrews thanked Bill Belichick for giving him "a shot".
Belichick disagreed with it.
Andrews: Thank you for giving me a shot.
Belichick: A shot? I didn't give you shit. You earned it! I don't give anything.
Another Super Bowl winning exchange.
15)Â âWe elected one of the very worst living human beings to be President, and it's exhausting. Each and every day, it's an exhausting slog, just to exist in a world where that's true.â - Michael Schur
16)Â âSome of yâall always picked Odd Job when you played Goldeneye and it showsâ - @thedad
17)Â âAny app is a dating app if you try hard enough.â - Z.W. Martin (though he says itâs lifted)
18)Â "Once you're as woke as I am, you learn to feel bad all the time.â
19)Â âEverythingâs a balance beam when youâre 90.â - John Dingell
20)Â [I wake up in a world where The Beatles never existed]
Me: Check out this song I just wrote
[I begin playing âOb La Di Ob La Daâ without having first built up years of goodwill]
Crowd of people: Wow, this sucks ass
-- @seanoneal
21)Â âPeople change people.â - Corey Matthews, Girl Meets World
22)Â âThe easiest thing to do on earth is not write.â - William Goldman
23)Â âDan could be like a difficult uncle. I didnât love his fire-breathing conservative politics. I didnât love the transformation that came over his novels. In Semi-Tough, he created two benighted Texas jocks and laid their prejudices bare. He was declaring himself a member of the Mark Twain coaching tree. In later books, Dan seemed to be trying to prove he could still tell a racist joke. He insisted that his memoirâthe last truly immaculate piece of writing he deliveredâinclude a tirade against political correctness. When his editor said people might be offended, Dan said, âFuck people.â
There are certain writers whose style you pilfer. Certain writers whose moral fiber you try to inherit. For me, Dan represented a third category: a writer whose aura you replicateâor, failing that, try to stand in for a while.â - Bryan Curtis, on Dan Jenkins
24)Â âNever marry anything. Never choose. Even in love, it's better to be chosen.â - La Dolce Vita
25)Â âAn uncluttered, uncomplicated happy ending might sound wonderful, but itâs hardly ever satisfying. Because the value of great stories lies in the tension between desire and need, between the yearning for the ideal, and the unshakable conviction that ideals donât really exist, at least not the way we want them to. A great story should hurt a little when it leaves us. There should be some hope, but that hope should remain somewhere just an inch beyond our fingers, because thatâs the truth. Even if you had all the perfect moments in the world, youâd still be reaching.â - Zach Handlen, on the Futurama series finale
26)Â âYou canât see him because he has sunglasses on.â - Alissa Levy
27)Â âThe cinema is the greatest art form ever conceived for generating emotions in its audience. That's what it does best. (If you argue instead for dance or music, drama or painting, I will reply that the cinema incorporates all of these arts).â - Roger Ebert
28) ââAre you gonna let politics ruin a friendship?âÂ
Yes tf I am
People talk about politics as if itâs this isolated, abstract concept that only matters at election time. Somebodyâs politics is their world view. Itâs whether they think certain human beings deserve rights. Itâs how they think the world should be. And if somebody thinks that the world should be colder, meaner, less accepting and downright hostile to people that are different to them, then sure as fuck is the friendship over.â
29)Â âCan the Supreme Court get me mushrooms?â - J-Papp
30)Â âAny song under two minutes already has a head start on its way into my heart. Just scream at me and then leave me.â - Drew Magary
31)Â âLong neck cold beers never broke my heart.â - Clemson Tom
32)Â âIâd just like to point out that the last spoken words of Game of Thrones were:Â
âI once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel.ââ
- @Authoroux
33)Â âJust once before I die, I want to toss my keys to someone and tell them âBring the car aroundâ.â - Mike Skully
34) âFor all the weight they're given, last words are usually as significant as first words.â - Grand Maester Pycelle, Game of Thrones
35)Â âThe best remedy for unrequited love is a trip around the world.â - Cheers
36) [on switching from a hotel to a motel]
Manny: I don't like the sound of that. A lot of amenities disappear when an H turns into an M.
Jay: Hey when I met you, you were eating cereal out of a bucket.
-- Modern Family
37)Â âYou and Lindsey donât want to be âestrangedâ. Estranged is the relationship we want to have with our mothers.â - MegFil
38)Â âCigarettes are undefeated.â
39)Â âMy toes are like my fingers on my feet. I can pick stuff up with them.â - Tracy Cunningham
40)Â âRepublicans govern without shame, Democrats shame without governing.â - Bill Maher
41)Â Sam: I donât understand the vagaries of the Internet
Josiah: Post often, without thought, and youâll either get cancelled or cancel someone else.
-- Blink-155
42)Â âHang a lantern on your problems.â
43) âWhat a weird web we weave.â - The Situation, The Jersey Shore: Family Vacation
44) âLet the ocean worry about being blue.â - Alabama Shakes, âHang Looseâ
45)Â âHonesty without tact is cruelty.â - Shelley Rokos
46)Â âMy whole life is the wrong porn link.â
47) âOne parent can take care of 10 kids, but 10 kids cannot take care of one parent.â - Joe Gestetner, via âan old Yiddish sayingâ
48) âThere are no heroes in the room.â - Classics of Love, âGun Showâ
49)Â âIf I am a little dismissive, it's only because of my harrowing backstory.â - Mitchell, Modern Family (on why he doesn't like sports)
50)Â âEvery time Iâm wearing black, I meet a dog.â - Tracy Cunningham
51)Â âShower sex? Why would I fuck in my crying chamberâ - @chridollarsign
52)Â âMy theory about quarterbacks, having written about some of them, is you either have to believe in god or think you are a god.â - Mina Kimes
53)Â âThe contradictions of capitalism always manifest in our lyrics if you look deeply.â - Blake Schwarzenbach of Jawbreaker, Riot Fest 2019
54)Â âGot a âhang looseâ from the weakside bartender.â
55)Â âItâs Jenniferâs birthday always.â - Eric HutchinsonÂ
56)Â âI canât think of a less relevant artist in 2019 than Kanye West. A Jesus freak in a MAGA hat. Yeah, congrats dude -- youâre every grandma who watches âYoung Sheldonâ and mails checks to Joel Osteen now.â - Dan Ozzi
57)Â âThe past and future are in the mind. Iâm in the now.â - Tom Brady, via someone else
58)Â âSometimes you walk around boring places and you feel like the most exciting thing in it.â - Drew Magary
59)Â âSitting is the new smoking.â - Modern Family
60)Â âI'll straight up fight folks at a book club and discuss books at a fight club I really don't give a shit anymore.â - George Wallace
61)Â âEagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.â - Rose Garvey via wine country
62)Â âItâs all âok boomerâ until you need someone who can drive stick shift.â - @OrdinaryAlso
63) âHe likes the result of the math.â - Dad, talking about my worst subject frustrating during the process but satisfying in the end
64) Stepmom: Do you want a Bears urn or Alabama urn?
Dad: Ask me after they play Auburn.
65)Â âA cold body carries a warm heart.â - Stefanos Tsitsipasâ Instagram, after his Iceland sabbatical
66) [preparing a dish called the Sandwich of Justice with his friendâs recipe]
"The fun thing about it is when you give it to someone, you can say 'Justice is served.â That's, uh, Ryan's line. I built my whole life on the backs of my friends." - You Suck At Cooking
67)Â âUsually three people can keep a secret only when two of them are dead.â - The Irishman
68)Â âAn artist can't control who consumes their content any more than a chemist can control how their chemicals are used once they're created.â - Brian Crooks
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Charles Matthews And Everything After
APRIL 2018
Man, I fuckinâ hated the 2004-05 Illinois basketball team.
I was wrong, but you couldnât tell me that then. Those dudes played selfless, beautiful basketball. They could kill you in many ways, and they spent the bulk of my college freshman year killing me in all the ways. Maybe it wasnât even the players... maybe it was just the fans. Shit, we were all 18, 19. Thatâs, like, when college pride is off the charts and half of what you wear is gear.
When that team lost at the very end, it was like a cleansing rain.
Me, before their title game (4/3/05):Â âThere have been a handful of games in my lifetime where I have wanted a team to win more than ANYTHING. This is an opposite situation...only more. I have never wanted a team to lose this bad in my entire life. I want them to lose more than EVERYTHING.â
Me, after (4/4/05):Â âAhhhhh. What a time to be alive.â
Hate is such a false god.
Because what I really believe in is karma, and, eight years later, when my beloved Michigan Wolverines punched their card for the finals... I knew I had to get right with my buddy Dom.
Dominic Bruno is one of thee greatest sports fans I will ever know. He roots for both the Cubs and White Sox with no questions asked. I think he thinks itâs odd when people ask him questions. Of his many loves between pro and college athletics, the Illini are his A1, ride or die squad. That 2004-05 (done with the hyphen, if they come up again, itâs gonna be â04) was a generational fucking team. Younguns might not understand this now, but for a little bit, Chris Paul vs. Deron Williams was a legit NBA debate. D-Willâs hair also used to look slightly less weird. But still weird.
Ah, man -- there I go again. I canât help myself.
Anyway. After U of I lost to UNC in their title game, I put up an away message punning the entire Illinois starting lineup with uncreative names (Iâm too embarrassed to quote the whole thing, but letâs just say âPee Brownâ was used for Dee Brown). Dom, who I assume was in his feelings a little bit... did not react well.
âIâm going to come riot in your room.â
I know, I know, you might be thinking thatâs not that bad. But Dom is a laid back dude; he lives with love. So to push him to that point with flippant trolling of his golden ticket team? Not my finest hour.
And sure, yes: we were kids, it wasnât that bad -- but I told you I believe in karma. So when Michigan made it in 2013, I called him. He was unassuming, told me it was cool. I read him what I wrote and what he said in response, and it didnât shake him. Homie told me he was rooting for Michigan in that doomed game. Thatâs the kind of class (or weird conference loyalty) he has.
After that, I watched The Timeout. It had been at least a decade since Iâd seen the clip.
Sometimes, rappers do this thing where they pull back and talk decades.
Shawn Corey Carter:
N****s wanna bring the 80's back
That's okay with me, that's where they made me at
Macklemore:
I grew up during Reaganomics
When Ice T was out there on his killing cops shit
Or Rodney King was getting beat on
And they let off every single officer
And Los Angeles went and lost it
I grew up with the ghosts of the Fab Five. The coolest, most star-crossed basketball team to ever do it (or not do it, depending how seriously you take NCAA sanctions). Though their finals loss to UNC -- I mean, like of course -- was a little off-the-radar for my early elementary school self, my sports fandom carried that loss like the baggage it was for everyone who actually earned the scar. For years and years, if you told someone you were a Michigan basketball fan, you got a smug ass âTimeout!!!â from people.
The One Shining Podcast guys use the call as their intro, and it still fucking stings.
But I watched the clip, took it in, and tried to push forward before Michigan took the court against a favored Louisville team.
Then the game started. And then there was Spike.
And then there was Trey and the confetti.
Louisville, of course, would be forced to vacate that title this very year. The parallels have no end.
The Fab Five was there for that L, of course. The four non-Chris Webber guys together in the stands while Chris was up in a box. My fear is heâll go to the grave with that timeout.
This time around, 2018 has given us a team unlike the ones of the past. I donât go into this game with (as many) Fab Five haunts as before. Shit, Jalen Rose canât even make the game (heâs working in New York), so the will-they-wonât-they drama is all but squashed immediately. And though I canât speak at all on player motivation, youâd have to think redeeming the 2013 loss has to be somewhere in the headspace of at least a few of these players. Itâs the same coach, a similar situation (4-seed five years ago, 3-seed now facing a monster 1-seed), and a hungry ass team featuring a pitbull point guard, a Many Faced German center, a sharp shooting sixth man, and a dude whose first name is literally Muhammad-Ali.
And we havenât even gotten to Charles Matthews.
Charles Matthews is one of those first-and-last name guys. Charles feels too formal. Matthews, too sterile. A year ago, I didnât know he existed. Now heâs filling GRIIIâs shoes like the love interest of a creepy widower who insists she wear the late wifeâs clothes. They even both rock the 1.
squint and itâs the same squint and itâs the same
* * *
MARCH 2019
OK, so I got too emotional previewing the Michigan-Villanova title game and actually stopped at that part. It was for the best. The Wolverines got wrecked when a white dude went off -- parallels, parallels, parallels -- and the rest is (Nova) history.
Last night, I watched Charles Matthews play what is 99.99999999999999% going to be his last game for Michigan. God damn, he was just the fucking best. If I had to construct the ideal M player to root for from scratch:
- Cool height, but not too tall, but for sure long... like a Michael Jordan-type 6â˛6â˛â (CHECK)
- Impeccable hairline (CHECK)
- Jersey No. 1 (CHECK)
- Off the charts athleticism (CHECK)
- Dope at defense but doesnât have to be (CHECK, IS)
- Likes Drake or Jay (YUP)
- Iffy shooter (...CHECK)
- Boring as hell interviews with the occasional unexpected flair (OHHH CHECK)
Yeah, just so sick.
I am sad, so letâs end with a Top 8 Memories Of Charles Matthews.
8) When Gus Johnson excitedly called him âCharlie Matthewsâ and I thought it might catch on and it definitely did not catch on
7) The Kentucky Transfer: Charles Matthews transferred to Michigan from another school. It got mentioned... a lot. Though it drew the ire of most Michigan fans, I always thought it sounded like a great damn boost.
6) Speaking of... he really could get up
5)Â Not wanting to get hit with water during locker room celebrations
4) Chi: I watched Michigan play Iowa in the first row of the 100 level at the UC for the 2019 Big Ten Tournament, and they announced Charles Matthews (from Chicago) last, and he got the biggest cheers in the arena/mobbed by his teammates
3) We experienced our successes in different ways
...but the joy never ceased.
2) MS-U MAD BRO?
1) The Minny game winner: Had to... this was his moment.
Oh man, the interview after was so god damn boring, you guys; top notch. Nothing but respect for my nonplussed swingman.
College sports are weird because there is so much brand continuity and tradition yet so much personnel change. Itâs hard not to think of the ending of the âFriday Night Lightsâ movie. Like, you just did the MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER and maybe it didnât work out or maybe it did but no matter what itâs ON TO THE NEXT THING, LIKE, THE NEXT DAY. Some will go to the league, some will become accountants, but no matter what, the coaches will update the damn depth chart.
I love watching basketball because it makes me feel alive, and players like Charles Matthews make me feel most alive.
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The Slim Shady 20
Eminemâs âThe Slim Shady LPâ came out, Iâm told, 20 years ago. Though the album is, in many ways, dated, homophobic, problematic, sexist, and just as differently offensive now as it equally was originally, itâs still extremely excellent. Instead of going too think piece-y, I wanted to write about my favorite bars.
While Eminemâs career definitely hit higher highs with latter releases, this is my favorite album in his catalogue. He was just as angry, but it was channeled; not distorted by fame or worn down by addiction or jaded by lawsuits or persevering through death of loved ones. This was 26-year-old Marshall, getting his head above water in time to start machine gunning expletives at the world around him.
And please remember, in his words, âIf Iâm talking too fast, it just means youâre listening too slow.â
20.
I wanted an album so rugged, nobody could touch it
Spent a million a track and went over my budget (Oh, shit)
Now, how in the fuck am I supposed to get out of debt?
I can't rap anymore, I just murdered the alphabet
Immediate thesis statement.
19.
If I had a magic wand
I'd make the world suck my dick without a condom on while I'm on the john
Really dislike this lyric, but itâs unflinching grossness hits every time.
18.Â
I met a s*** and said, "What up? It's nice to meet ya
I'd like to treat you to a Faygo and a slice of pizzaâ
This lyric does not exist going forward because any success carries you beyond it. Shades of âExhibit Câsâ masterful âWhen I was sleepin' on the train / Sleepin' on Meserole Ave out in the rain / Without even a single slice of pizza to my nameâ exactly 10 years later.
17.
This guy at White Castle asked for my autograph
So I signed it, "Dear Dave, thanks for the support, asshole"
Doesnât even rhyme; he hated his fans from the very beginning.
16.Â
âCause I'm the one they can relate to and look up to better
Tonight, I think I'll write my biggest fan a "fuck you" letter
Gave you every, immediate chance to get away.
15.
I'm freestylin' every verse that I spit
'Cause I don't even remember the words to my shit
Nah --Â youâre way too meticulous, Shady.
14.
I'm not a player, just a ill rhyme sayer
That'll spray a aerosol can up at the ozone layer
I like when his evil imagery turns half-baked adolescent; might as well brag about melting ants with your magnifying glass.
13.
Tell her you need a place to stay
You'll be safe for days if you shave your legs with Renee's razor blades
Some fun internals; plus the part right before taught me what âgaffleâ meant.
12.
I just remembered that I'm absent-minded
Wait, I mean I've lost my mind, I can't find it
+
I used to be a loudmouth, remember me? (âUh-uhâ)
I'm the one who burned your house down (âOhâ)
Well, I'm out now (âShitâ)
Two of my favorite circular lines.
11.
Some people only see that I'm white, ignorin' skill
'Cause I stand out like a green hat with a orange bill
But I don't get pissed, y'all don't even see through the mist
How the fuck can I be white? I don't even exist
Had to address the elephant in the room.
10.
You beef with me, I'ma even the score equally
Take you on Jerry Springer and beat your ass legally
Man with a plan.
9.
These are the results of a thousand electric volts, a neck with bolts
Nurse, we're losin' him, check the pulse
Always a lab-created monster.
8.
I want to make songs all the fellas dub
And murder every rich rapper that I'm jealous of
So just remember, when I bomb your set
Yo, I only cuss to make your mom upset
Cracked the code for us.
7.
Got b****** on my jock out in East Detroit
'Cause they think that I'm a motherfuckin' Beastie Boy
So I told 'em I was Mike D
They was like, "Gee, I don't know, he might be"
I told 'em, "Meet me at Kid Rock's next concert
I'll be standin' by the Loch Ness Monster"
This one checks many boxes: The D, local-yet-hilariously-dated celeb name check, misogyny, mythical creatures.
6.
But they love it when you make your business public
So fuck it, I've got herpes while we on the subject
And if I told you I had AIDS, y'all would play it
'Cause you stupid mothafuckas think I'm playin' when I say it
Well, I do take pills, don't do speed
Don't do crack, don't do coke, I do smoke weed
Don't do smack, I do do shrooms, do drink beer
I just wanna make a few things clear
My baby mama's not dead, she's still alive and bitching
And I don't have herpes, my dick's just itchin'
It's not syphilis, and as for being AIDS-infested
I don't know yet, I'm too scared to get tested
One of the only times he breaks the fourth wall.
5.
I hang with a bunch of hippies and wacky tobacco planters
Who swallow lit roaches and light up like jack-o-lanterns
Outsidaz, baby, and we suin' the courts
'Cause we dope as fuck and only get a â2Ⲡin The Source
This was soon corrected.
4.
That's what I did, be smart, don't be a r*****
You gonna take advice from somebody who slapped Dee Barnes?
âWhat you say?â
What's wrong? Didn't think I'd remember?
âI'ma kill you, motherfuckerâ
Uh-uh, temper, temper
Mr. Dre, Mr. N.W.A, Mr. AK
Comin' straight outta Compton, y'all better make way
Distilling Dreâs career -- warts and all -- into a flurry of knockout punches.
3.
I'll listen to your demo tape and act like I don't like it
Six months later, you'll hear your lyrics on my shit ("That's my shit"!)
People don't buy shit no more, they just dub it
That's why I'm still broke and had the number-one club hit
Everything weâve ever learned about Eminem has taught us heâs a tortured obsessive... yet this stretch feels effortlessly perfect. Plus, it gives us a clairvoyant outlook on the perils of massive-success-without-actually-making-money in the YouTube/streaming era.
2.
Me and Marcus Allen went over to see Nicole
When we heard a knock at the door, must've been Ron Gold
Jumped behind the door, put the orgy on hold
Killed them both, then smeared blood on the white Bronco (We did it)
So offensive it almost laps itself back into normalcy. The unflinching âWe did itâ at the end is psychotic, horrible, and confident.
1.
 Fuck rap, I'm givin' it up, y'all, I'm sorry
(âBut Eminem, this is your record release party!â)
Tried to get out the game on his debut; Jay Electronica would be proud.
Honorable mentions...
I lay awake and strap myself in the bed
With a bulletproof vest on and shoot myself in the head (Bang)
I'm steamin' mad (Grr)
And by the way, when you see my dad (Yeah?)
Tell him that I slit his throat in this dream I had
Thereâs something casual about his fantasy murder of his father that really made the end stretch of this hit home. This is the closing of his final verse in âMy Name Isâ; he was never playing.
Man, ain't you ever seen that one movie âKidsâ?
No, but I seen the porno with Sun Doobiest
Emâs devil to Dreâs angel.
My palms were sweaty, and I started to shake at first
Somethin' told me, "Try to fake a stomach ache, it works"
I screamed, "Ow, my appendix feel like they could burst
Teacher, teacher, quick, I need a naked nurse"
"What's the matter?"
"I don't know, my leg, it hurts"
"Leg? I thought you said it was your tummy"
"Oh, I mean it is, but I also got a bum knee"
"Mr. Mathers, the fun and games are over
And just for that stunt, you're gonna get some extra homework"
"But don't you wanna give me after school detention?"
"Nah, that bully wants to beat your ass and I'ma let him"
Even the teacher wanted him to get his.
Tired of bein' stared at
Tired of wearin' the same damn Nike Air hat
Never had to worry about that after this.
* * *
Death section:
- I tried suicide once and I'll try it again
That's why I write songs where I die at the endÂ
-Â The disaster with dreads, I'm bad enough to commit suicide
And survive long enough to kill my soul after I'm dead
-Â The ill type, I stab myself with a steel spike
While I blow my brain out just to see what it feels like
'Cause this is how I am in real life
I don't want to just die a normal death, I wanna be killed twice
-Â And if you ever see a video for this shit
I'll probably be dressed up like a mummy with my wrists slit
-Â (I'm Slim Shady) So come and kill me while my name's hot
And shoot me 25 times in the same spot
* * *
I got a wardrobe with an orange robe
I'm in the fourth row, signin' autographs at your show
Tries to be unique and boastful... falls apart and gets self-deprecating.
I take a breather and sigh, either I'm high or I'm nuts
'Cause if you ain't tiltin' this room, neither am I
I mean, someone was... right?
We drive around in million-dollar sports cars
While little kids hide this tape from their parents like bad report cards
Eh.
If I had a million bucks, it wouldn't be enough
Because I'd still be out robbin' armored trucks
Unquenched desire for chaos.
A lyricist without a clue, what year is this?
Fuck a needle, here's a sword, body pierce with this
Always able to make a risky situation dicier.
Wait, what if there's an explanation for this shit?
What, she tripped, fell, landed on his dick?
Solid one liner.
Drug sickness got me doin' some bugged twitches
I'm withdrawin' from crack so bad, my blood itches
/eyes pop out
I don't speak, I float in the air, wrapped in a sheet
I'm not a real person, I'm a ghost trapped in a beat
Super fun hip-hop imagery.
0 notes
My Top 127 Songs Of 2018
Previously: 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011
Not the most ever... just the second most ever. The record of 132 stands. I hope it is never broken.
As always, criteria and info:
This is a list of what I personally like, not ones Iâm saying are the âbestâ from the year; more subjective than objective
No artist is featured more than once
If it comes down to choosing between two songs, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track
Each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check any or every out for yourself; there is also a Spotify playlist at the bottom that includes 122 of the 127 songs
Well?
/grins
127) B.o.B -Â âFood Fightâ
Some triplet rap, pretty boring, and I have no idea what this song is supposed to be. But the âFood of the WiFiâ part makes me laugh, and I always picture my buddy Matto singing it to his eye rolling wife (even though Iâm pretty sure heâs never heard the song before).
126) French Montana f/ Drake - âNo Stylistâ
This song sucks -- even Drake canât save it. French Montana is cancer except you donât get to die.
125) 21 Savage - âMonsterâ
Not a huge Savage guy, but the Gambino verse helps.
124) The Kooks -Â âAll The Timeâ
Kind of a lazy chorus, but itâs aight.
123) Sean Paul f/ JhenĂŠ Aiko -Â âNaked Truthâ
Love Aiko, have never cared for Paul... but the collab weirdly works.
122) REASON - âSummer Upâ
My buddy Josh sent this one, and itâs got the warm vibes. Money stretch:
P asked me is REASON still workin', shit
N***a, is Amber Rose still twerkin', gold diggers still flirtin'
horny teens still jerkin', all my exes still lurkin'
black lives still hurtin', black lives still hurtin'?
121) Nipsey Hussle f/ YG -Â âLast Time That I Checcâdâ
Bâs vs. Câs. And a beat that sounds like DJ Mustard combined with â90s G-funk. Also, YGâs bandanna scarf is just very cute.
120) Thrice -Â âOnly Usâ
Weirdly, another reds and blues music video. But this time, itâs kids at a summer camp. This could absolutely be used by networks as a pump up song for sporting events.
119) Anderson .Paak f/ Kendrick Lamar -Â âTINTSâ
Anderson .Paak -- ohhhh, that dot will always annoy me -- really does not make bad songs. Kung Fu Kenny fits right in, and itâs a very easy hit-the-spot driving song.
118) Mr Hudson f/ Vic Mensa -Â âColdplayâ
A serious song that uses an emotional reliance on Coldplay to take objective shots at Coldplay, which is pretty hilarious. Vicâs verse is good (âI lost my Queen poppinâ Ace of Spades at King of Diamonds ... I hate Coldplayâ).
117) Logic f/ Wu-Tang Clan -Â âWu Tang Foreverâ
Long cypher song. If you care about hip-hop, you probably know Drake also released a song called âWu-Tang Foreverâ five years ago (which featured no members of Wu-Tang). There was talk of a remix -- RZA even recently said he wished they did -- but Inspectah Deck articulated why it didnât happen back then:
âWhen I finally got to hear the song, I was more or less like, âWow, I thought it was a tribute song like, it would be in respect of all eight members,'â Deck said. âAnd when I heard it, it was about a girl.â
You can just sense the colossal and spiritual disappointment.
Well, this one is more about fire than females; youâll shout âWu-Tangâ proudly at least once. My MVP verse is Ghostface.
116) JhenĂŠ Aiko f/ Rae Sremmurd - âSativaâ
Rae Sremmurd* still sound like little kids to me. Conversely, JhenĂŠ Aiko is all that is woman.
(* - never knew they were brothers until just now)
115) Sam Coffey & The Iron Lungs - âFirst Timeâ
Sam Coffey first got on my radar with The Clash-sounding song âTalk 2 Herâ. This is less of that and more, like, â80s hair metal. Itâs almost hard to tell if this is sincere or parody. The video absolutely does not take itself seriously.
114) Saves The Day -Â âKerouac & Cassadyâ
Always been impressed with the very unthreatening Chris Conleyâs ability to create such sinister, dark, and menacing imagery. This maybe has the most bleak closing line of any of these songs.
113) 5 Seconds Of Summer -Â âYoungbloodâ
This is what Fall Out Boy tries to sound like with their new stuff... but they just suck so bad now.
112) She Killed In Ecstasy -Â âDissension (Gold)â
I remembered this being a dope instrumental before totally forgetting about the just-as-awesome vocals; great band name, too. Recommended by my friends Jim and Bill over brunch after taking in their show at Subterranean in Chicago the previous night. This could be the closing theme for a critically acclaimed TV show.
111) Night Birds -Â âMy Dad Is The BTKâ
Straightforward, bratty punk rock that promotes snitching (if youâre sure itâs for the right reasons).
110) The Decemberists -Â âOnce In My Lifeâ
Why does such an outwardly melancholy song still feel so damn uplifting? Probably the video. They have a long statement attached on YouTube, so for sure peep if this catches your interest.
109) Mad Caddies -Â âSheâs Goneâ
Here we have a straight up reggae cover of NOFX. Sometimes I donât think I like this song at all, but it might just be hard to separate it from the original; almost wish it was possible to go in with a clean slate. Maybe you can on my behalf?
108) Rivers Cuomo -Â âTwo Broken Heartsâ
Would you rather not know the video uses Bitmojis or the pre-chorus promotes two different ice cream brands before the song ends?
107) XXXTENTACION - âTrain foodâ
This song is intense; gave me memories of listening to Kendrickâs âThe Art of Peer Pressureâ. X not surviving 2018 makes it that much more haunting.
106) Kanye West & Lil Pump f/ Adele Givens - âI Love Itâ
Not sure why, in his most embattled year yet, Kanye decided to be a part of such a derogatory song towards women. Listening to it makes me feel bad. And sure, the MAGA imagery will be what we think of when we think of 2018 Yeezy, but this picture shouldnât be too far off either.
Shark: jumped.
105)Â New Lenox - âDo You Think We Made The Most Of Those New Years Evesâ
That is a very long song title. But not as long as the time since passed on this reflection of the final night of the year, over a decade now gone. But even though heâs looking back, you know Chris Trott gets to hit reset at the end of the night, whether itâs December 31st or January 1st. And when NYE hits again, whether you return to the same party in the same place or a different experience in a totally different hemisphere, celebrating something is what makes this all matter.
(Full disclosure: yours truly has a minor backup vocal part in the outro)
104) Jeff Tweedy - âHaving Been Is No Way To Beâ
This for sure made it on the list because of the âAnd if I was dead, what difference would it ever make to them?â line, but upon closer scrutiny, the âAnd Iâm sorry when you wake up to meâ line is even more crushing.
103) Panic! At The Disco - âDying In LAâ
Brendon Urieâs voice is so polished and full. This song is him in complete control, and he knows it too (the âDyinâ in LAâ falsetto part at the end of the chorus is... probably not necessary).
102) Sugarland f/ Taylor Swift - âBabeâ
Though Taylorâs impact in the music video is significantly stronger than her impact in the actual song, itâs still rock solid country. Or... country solid country?
/curtsies
101) ZHU & Tame Impala -Â âMy Lifeâ
This song has such a dancy cool on the power of its instrumentation; really doesnât need vocals at all.
100) Kidd Russell & Southside Jake -Â âSlow Motionâ
The poppiest SSJ has ever sounded. This is his best song to date. Iâm not so sure if âShots kill the butterfliesâ is an actual expression, but it should be.
99) Hop Along -Â âWhat The Writer Meantâ
Hot damn, what a voice. This song is beauty in our not-often-beautiful world.
98) Retirement Party -Â âThatâs How People Dieâ
This reminds me of a female fronted version of the departed Modern Baseball. Eager to see how they develop and definitely plan on checking their Audiotree session soon.
97) Lil Peep - âSex With My Exâ
Itâs... really good, you guys. The grimy nihilism of the âFuck me like weâre lying on our deathbedâ is palpable. Itâs impossible not to think of the heights Peep would have almost definitely hit had he not passed. Also, super interesting tidbit on how the album got posthumously made:
Lil Peep died of an accidental drug overdose last November [2017] at 21. Afterward, attention turned to his computer. First, it went to London, where the files were backed up by First Access Entertainment, the company that helped guide his career.
Then it went to his mother, Liza Womack. In an interview in her cozy Long Island home, sitting on a nondescript couch that belonged to Peep and was shipped cross-country after his death, she calmly recalled walking into an Apple store, handing the laptop to a clerk, and saying: âMy son died. This is him. Take this and put it on a new one.â
96) Kurt Vile -Â âBassackwardsâ
I was on the beach, but I was thinkinâ about the bay
This has Kurt Vileâs signature laid back-ness (good) but also has a 9:46 track length (VERY VERY BAD). Iâm not saying it has to be even four minutes long... but, like, could you have given us seven, KV? All of that aside, it really doesnât slog at all despite mostly staying the same the whole time. Though I still canât stop thinking about how much shorter it should be.
95) Christine And The Queens -Â âDoesnât matterâ
Kinda â80s pop sounding. Also, thereâs a foreign accent there. British maybe?
/googles
French! Even better.
94) Brendan Kelly And The Wandering Birds - âShitty Margaritaâ
Wish the drums were louder, BK.
93) Courtney Barnett - âNameless, Facelessâ
Barnett does not fuck around with her chorus/old adage:
I wanna walk through the park in the dark
Men are scared that women will laugh at them
I wanna walk through the park in the dark
Women are scared that men will kill them
This type of perspective, down to the description of how she has to hold her keys in a way your average dude might not think about, remains so crucial as we all hope to continue to better understand each other.
92) Jeff Rosenstock -Â âPowerlessnessâ
Meet me at the Polish bar
I'll be the one looking at my phone
Shaking like a nervous kid
Absolutely terrified of being alone
...it doesnât sound how it reads. All of his skittish energy fuels this fist pumping jam. And donât miss the guitar solo.
91) Charli XCX - â5 In The Morningâ
Pretty standard fare pop song, but Charli makes it cooler and better than if the average person jumped on.
90) Pinegrove -Â âDarknessâ
Gonna be honest: it was nearly impossible to listen to Pinegrove in 2018 without thinking of the sexual coercion accusations from the previous year. Jenn Pellyâs long ass piece really did nothing to help matters. So because of all this, I listened to their new album âSkylightâ wayyyyy less than originally anticipated. The few times -- really maybe âtimeâ in all actuality -- I was able to separate the story from the songs, it definitely became enjoyable. This has head clearing guitar leads and a lyric straight outta Sublimeâs âGarden Groveâ.
89) Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson -Â âBad Dreamsâ
Brooding, nighttime, driving; good ingredients for a successful duet.
88) Meek Mill f/ Rick Ross & JAY Z -Â âWhatâs Freeâ
Now, if Iâm Rick Ross, I spend my entire career avoiding any situation where people can compare me to Biggie. But since Rick Ross is Rick Ross, he went with the opposite plan. This is his (to my knowledge) second reimagined Biggie song*, and... itâs... itâs rough. I mean, how far can you take it with the line âMona Lisa, to me, ain't nothin' but a b***hâ and end with a gay slur. Pass.
But we also have the GOAT. In classic Jay fashion, he spits a lot of good words, you know itâs complex, and thereâs no way to process it without more listens. And yes, the immediate brand checks are super annoying, but he pushes through and delivers some bars:
They gave us pork and pig intestines
Shit you discarded that we ingested, we made the project a wave
You came back, reinvested and gentrified it
Took n****s' sense of pride, now how that's free?
When he finishes, the song itself ends, and we have one of the more long and uneven Jay cameos ever put on wax. Itâs, like, a 5-star B-.
(* - the first being 2014â˛s âNobodyâ, a take off âYouâre Nobody [Til Somebody Kills You]â, featuring French Montana, which spawned an all-time Rap Radar comment, âIf someone killed French, heâd still be a nobodyâ; I will bring it up with the most minor of segues for the rest of my life)
87) Red City Radio - âIn The Shadowsâ
I tend to prefer Red City Radio playing more uptempo, but they drag us down to a slower speed for this one. This centers around the cryptic âI show no fear when I know that the devilâs hereâ line, and the guitar solo is definitely overqualified for the genre.
86) Kanye West - âYikesâ
/cracks knuckles
The song: banging chorus, solid beat, lyrics meh. Of course it was the song he got Drake for, because itâs the only one on his solo release that vaguely resembled a hit.
The album: Calling âyeâ bad is a little unfair, but the best and realest description is sadder: itâs Kanyeâs most inessential record. It was forgettable at best and cringeworthy/offensive at worst. The one about his daughter was particularly appalling:
Don't do no yoga, don't do pilates
Just play piano and stick to karate
I pray your body's draped more like mine
And not like your mommy's
This doesnât even get into the entirely warped mental health takes that Iâm not nearly qualified enough to address.
Kanye himself: Every Kanye fan has defended Kanye, some Kanye fans have abandoned Kanye, but 2018 was legitimately the tipping point where it felt like we all finally had enough, in unification. Shock, betrayal, and disappointment are probably the best adjectives. When you are willing to forgive someone for 90% of their behavior, and they up their bullshit to 110%, an understandable separation must occur. At this point, the man we once called Yeezus is now the hip-hop Louis C.K.: no type of constructive or negative feedback can penetrate his brain, and any new attempts at creative output only make everything worse.
85) Royce da 5â˛9â˛â f/ Eminem & King Green - âCaterpillarâ
As lyrical as it gets on this list, but what else do you expect from Em and Royce? Not a huge fan of the chorus (at least that loud part in the first half). Eminem legit goes off for, like, ten lines with a pooping metaphor to close the song.
84) Nicki Minaj - âBarbie Dreamsâ
Staying in the redone Biggie songs lane, we have Nicki with a passive evisceration of your favorite male rapper. You can call it crass, but Iâd argue her playfulness makes the whole thing work, combined with the fact that itâs flipping the male gaze on its head. And though sheâs having fun, some of these movie punches catch real faces. My favorites:
3)Â âDrake worth a hundred mill, he always buyin' me shit / But I don't know if the pussy wet or if he cryin' and shitâ
2) âI remember when I used to have a crush on Special Ed / Shoutout Desiigner 'cause he made it out of special edâ
1)Â âHad to cancel DJ Khaled, boy, we ain't speakin' / Ain't no fat n**** tellin' me what he ain't eatin'â
Goodbye forever, DJ Khaled.
83) Bad Bunny f/ Drake - âMIAâ
I do social media for my high school alma materâs football team, and this song first got on my radar when of the players tweeted something like âI canât understand a word, but this is really goodâ. I was piqued, and it delivered. Nobody cultural appropriates quite like Drizzy Drake. Also, am I the only one who would have maybe been happier if the song was called âBad Bunnyâ and the featured artist was M.I.A.?
82) Phoebe Bridgers - âChristmas Songâ
Christmas songs are hard to write because theyâre either taken or terrible, but Bridgers definitely carved out her own lane. This could work as a single person under a spotlight or sung by a group of lonely strangers finding camaraderie at a bar; within the song, you actually get both scenarios.
81) Remo Drive - âBlue Ribbonâ
Got into this band for the first time in 2018, and though some of their older songs got more spins, this was my favorite from the new album.
80) The Sidekicks - âTwinâs Twistâ
Mostly just impressed they were able to seamlessly integrate the âChronic 2001âł into lyrics of a lighter rock song.
79) Real Friends -Â âFrom The Outsideâ
My favorite chorus theyâve ever written. While remaining thoroughly pop punk, the catchiness puts it more on the pop side of that spectrum.
78) Mike Posner -Â âSong About Youâ
Posner sounds like heâs barely trying, and itâs still so, so good. Favorite moment is this non-rhyme:Â âSince youâve been gone, I got nothing to do / I sleep until noon, I wake up and feel badâ. Itâs like a pop freestyle or something.
Also, extra shout out for how well he took his social media roasting after the Thanksgiving performance in Detroit. Love this dude.
77) Bad Religion - âThe Kids Are Alt-Rightâ
What if I told you Bad Religion made a song with an intro that sounded like Andrew W.K.âs âParty Till You Pukeâ but were somehow still able to stay afloat? Hell, Iâm confused too. The satirical lyrics mark 2018 for what it was. The pre-chorus, I remain torn on.
76) Blood Orange - âSaintâ
You said it before
Looped keyboard beat over some smooth lyrics and melodies.
75) Juice WRLD - âLucid Dreamsâ
I cannot change you so I must replace you
Still unclear how this *isnât* a Post Malone song.
74) Tancred - âQueen Of New Yorkâ
Own the city.
73) We Were Sharks - âDrop The Actâ
Ohhhhh, I love this production.
72) Cloud Nothings - âLeave Him Nowâ
This band continues to possess all of the melodic fury (and the Russell Westbrook of drummers).
71) Childish Gambino - âSummertime Magicâ
Wasnât big on âThis Is Americaâ*, so Glover releasing an ode to the best season as an alternative selection helped.
(* - at least not the song; vid was interesting)
70) The 1975 - âLove It If We Made Itâ
The 1975 are one of those bands where liking them makes you feel like an alien because everyone else either loves or dogs them. Iâm keepinâ this casual, aight?
Also, since all writers are contractually obligated, we must mention the âFucking in a car, shooting heroinâ line which opens the song.
69) Kississippi - âCut Yr Teethâ
Saw this band play in a classroom at a high school (google âBLED FESTâ) in Michigan in May of 2018. They were fun, diverse, and covered Jimmy Eat Worldâs âThe Middleâ. This tune is a little more serious and locked in.
68) Muncie Girls - âPicture Of Healthâ
Every part of this song is well-written, but it all builds to a massive chorus.
67) Justin Timberlake f/ Chris Stapleton - âSay Somethingâ
There was a time, in January 2018, when not a ton of music had dropped yet, and this song was everywhere. It was like the dead-of-winter equivalent to the Song of the Summer. This one definitely gets docked some points for what Iâd call weak lyricism. You can tell both dudes were way into it though, which does help make up for it some.
66) Interpol - âThe Roverâ
As speedy as Iâve ever heard Interpol; pretty unskippable.
65) Dashboard Confessional - âCatch Youâ
Imagine if this were the only Dashboard song youâd ever heard. Youâd think they were, like, happy. Our protagonist has a trustworthy assurance that should put you at ease.
64) Gulfer - âSecret Stuffâ
No singing on this list will alienate you faster than the first eight seconds of this one.
63) Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - âTalking Straightâ
Though this feels like two band names in one, RBCF know exactly what theyâre doing as it pertains to the actual songwriting. This would fit right in during the mid-2000s garage/indie rock boom; could listen to the chorus on a loop.
62) Rita Ora f/ Cardi B, Bebe Rexha & Charli XCX - âGirlsâ
This song has the unique distinction of being think pieced and outraged cycled before I even got a chance to hear a second of it. The case:
Now, it goes without saying that the best people to explain why this song feels damaging and hurtful to queer women are queer women themselves â girls who kiss girls whether theyâve been gulping back Malbec or not. âA song like this just fuels the male gaze while marginalizing the idea of women loving women,â wrote Hayley Kiyoko on Twitter. Kehlani said it has âmany awkward slurs, quotes, and momentsâ. MUNAâs Katie Gavin noted that in âGirlsâ she hears âthe familiar chorus that womenâs sexuality is something to be looked at instead of authentically feltâ.
To her credit, Ora apologized the very same day that piece came out (PUN INTENDED). Whatâs weird is the idea of this song being problematic made me like it more. It gives the sexual flippancy of the chorus authenticity. I donât know, man -- this stuff is complicated.
Not complicated? Cardi Bâs awful green screen cameo featuring cheap looking special effects.
/shakes head in disappointmentÂ
61) Eminem f/ Ed Sheeran - âRiverâ
Though not apples to apples -- since heâs not spitting -- we shall remember this as the time Ed Sheeran > Eminem in a song.
Marshall remains our unquestioned king of the ârelationship dysfunctionâ genre.
60) Culture Abuse - âCalm Eâ
Everyoneâs getting back together
The writers of the perfect and generational âDream Onâ continue to stay in the mellow lane with their subsequent releases. When you can pull off both, why not?
59) Brian Fallon - âSilenceâ
Fallon covers -- /checks notes -- Â Marshmello f/ Khalid, but it really could be an original. Dude really knows how to pick âem. I remember hearing this randomly at Shinto (a sushi/hibachi place) in Naperville; donât remember if it was this or the original. Such a moving chorus.
58) Okkervil River - âDonât Move Back To LAâ
Gotta appreciate the persistent sentiment -- even though itâd be the opposite of my advice. Also took about 99.9% of the year for me to stop calling this band âOverkillâ River in my head.
57) Natalie Prass - âShort Court Styleâ
Uber catchy and with a real groove.
56) The Interrupters - âSheâs Keroseneâ
2018 Rancid, down to the raspy-ish singing from Aimee Allen.
55) boygenius - âMe & My Dogâ
When I heard Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers, and someone named Lucy Dacus were forming a super group, I was stoked. This tune was the one that jived the most with my vision of the project. Amazingly sick harmonies, dropping elbows on your heart like a professional wrestler, and introspection on introspection.
I wanna be emaciated
I wanna hear one song without thinking of you
I wish I was on a spaceship
Just me and my dog and an impossible view
So, so, so, so good.
54) Shack Wes - âMo Bambaâ
How do you explain âMo Bambaâ to someone who doesnât like rap? How do you explain âMo Bambaâ to someone who does like rap? I donât know, but I am Teddy Bridgewater now.
53) Lil Dicky f/ Chris Brown, Ed Sheeran, DJ Khaled & Kendall Jenner - âFreaky Fridayâ
If you thought Rita Oraâs âGirlsâ was messy, allow me to introduce you to our last bad rap song on the list. Actually, maybe the Virginia Tech womenâs lacrosse team would be a better candid--OHHHHH LADIES NO!!!!!!!!11111111
So yeah, whether itâs the most lightning rod word in American history, cultural appropriation, reverse cultural appropriation, or even just a good olâ âI Blame Chris Brownâ take, this attempt at comedy hip-hop got put under a microscope for all the right and wrong reasons. No one came out unscathed. But, like Oraâs song, if you can ignore some components (read: nearly everything), itâs so god damn fun, man. I mean, Dicky and Chris Brown swapped bodies -- pretty nuts. And itâs rare for an MVP line to be âHow his dick staying perched up on his balls like that?â
52) Jay Rock f/ Kendrick Lamar, Future & James Blake - âKingâs Deadâ
I gotta go get it- I gotta go get it- I gotta go get it- I gotta go get it
The back half of the Future verse is the worst part about this song... yet the most fun to talk about. He raps auto-tuned, in falsetto... and these are the lyrics:
La di da di da, slob on me knob
Pass me some syrup, fuck me in the car
La di da di da, mothafuck the law
Chitty chitty bang, murder everything
What a disgrace. Yet, almost like a whimsy 2 Chainz verse, itâs really fucking memorable.
51) Soccer Mommy - âYour Dogâ
Noticeably good bassline? Check. Skin crawlingly bad band name? Check. Cool swearing? Yup.
50) Vince Staples - âFUN!â
Vince could rap his way out a bottomless pit; floating elevation flow.
49) Dan + Shay -Â âTequilaâ
Tried so hard to get this one next to âShitty Margaritaâ. Genuinely love this song. Maybe itâs the mountains in the music video, but that chorus just soars.
48) Meg Myers -Â âNumbâ
Look up in the air and see this tidal wave chorus crashing through the world in slow motion.
47) The Penske File -Â âFairgroundsâ
My new working theory -- which really feels more like fact -- is how cool lyrics with the phrase âMeet me...â are. It creates this aura of unknown, mystery, and maybe even danger; like anything could happen if you just agree. Here are some from songs just off the top of my head:
Meet me by the lake
Meet me at the reservoir
Meet me in Montauk
Meet me in the middle (more on that one later)
Meet me in the back
Meet me at midnight
The list goes on. So please say âyesâ to The Penske File at the fairgrounds, wonât you?
46) Lil Wayne f/ Swizz Beatz -Â âUproarâ
Weezy goes this entire song only using âohâ rhymes; not sure how he does it. Sometimes, I listen to this and pretend Iâm a buffalo.
45) Cardi B - âBe Carefulâ
Cardi sampled Lauryn (wayyyyyyyy more on this later) and made it work. The chorus always sticks with me, and though the verses have a few bumps along the way, they might even be better.
44) Elway - âCrowded Conscienceâ
Elway pulls up their roots in this All Colorado Everything lyric video, and youâll be ready to tap the Rockies when the singalong chorus finishes.
43) Pkew Pkew Pkew - âPassed Outâ
A punk rock drinking song with a real bummer of a chorus for how happy the theme itself comes across.
42) Joyce Manor - âI Think Iâm Still In Love With Youâ
I have no scientific proof, but Barryâs lyrics seem to be getting worse and worse. The drug references are still there, sure, but thereâs an almost elementary simplicity to the proceedings. Still, like âHeart Tattooâ, this song doesnât get in its own way and takes advantage of the basic words to create a big, big hook. You sing along even though it feels too easy at times.
41) Alkaline Trio -Â âThrow Me To The Lionsâ
So much desperation in the chorus; this could work as their last ever song.
40) The Bombpops -Â âDear Beerâ
My favorite opening line on this whole list -- the sweet and simple âIâm about to hit send / Iâm waiting for the weekendâ. Before you know it, a full blown self-loathing chorus. Itâs got it all.
39) Foxing -Â âLambertâ
In quiet awe listening to this masterpiece of a song. Saw this band way up close in 2018 -- here is a picture:
Hello, Foxing
38) Lucero -Â âTo My Dearest Wifeâ
Civil War soldier or rigorous rock and roll touring schedule? Either way, the Lucero singer misses his wife and family, and heâs gonna let you know theyâre on his mind. I saw them open for Frank Turner in 2018, and he played their new album front to back -- before it had been released -- as their entire set because âI promised to do this when drunk on Instagramâ. Gotta respect a man with principles.
37) BlocBoy JB f/ Drake -Â âLook Aliveâ
Favorite Drake hook of the year. BlocBoy JB... less necessary. Also kinda crazy to think we didnât know who producer Tay Keith was at the beginning of 2018; definitely made his impression felt by the end.
36) The Front Bottoms - âTie Die Dragonâ
As psychedelic as Iâll ever get. Unless itâs, like, The Beatles. But thatâs different.
35) The Lawrence Arms - âLaugh Out Loudâ
Released on their Best Of record (legitimately titled âWe Are The Champions Of The World) and an âOh! Calcutta!â b-side from 2006, TLA prove even their leftovers can be a main course.
34) Tinashe f/ Future -Â âFaded Loveâ
I know heâs a rapper and sheâs a singer, but nothing is more illustrative of how much harder women have to work compared to men than the 1:36 mark when Tinashe sensually sings âLetâs just feel this feelingâ, doubled with Featureâs auto-tuned ass doing the exact same thing, only 10x worse. Not enough to taint the song, even a little. His verse, however...
33) Chance The Rapper -Â â65th & Inglesideâ
Chance -- who almost always makes the correct choices -- did this super annoying thing where he released a bunch of songs in single batches in 2018.
âBut Bobby, he gave you tons of free music! Why are you complaining?!â
Because we couldnât easily sequence it, bruh. Look at this shit!:
Not even Drake would pull this stunt. EP next time, Chano.
Anyway.
Fun lines, really contagious beat, and a few types of flows; he spazzes at the end.
32) Complainer - âDrunk (Again)â
Gotta love when a song canât start until multiple beer cans crack. These guys are a tiny band inspired-by-but-better-than Jeff Rosenstock, and I hope they get so much more traction.
31) ScHoolboy Q f/ Kendrick Lamar, Saudi & 2 Chainz - âXâ
I LIVE ON TEN
Always read this title as the letter X even though the word âtenâ is used 40 times in the song.
30) KIDS SEE GHOSTS (Kanye West & Kid Cudi) -Â âRebornâ
From Kanyeâs only useful project in 2018 comes âRebornâ. Luckily, itâs mainly Cudi on this track (chorus/bridge/a verse). It feels like Ohioâs son is breaking through... or breaking out; verging on real triumph over his demons. Kanye, meanwhile, is surprisingly understated (read: good) and fits into all of his parts like a non-OJ glove. The sparing use of Yeezy reminds me of how the master himself used to feature people like Chief Keef just enough to harness the talent but not enough to ruin the song or do too much. Those alpha days appear to be way in the rearview now.
29) Travis Scott f/ Drake, Swae Lee & Big Hawk -Â âSICKO MODEâ
Stacey Dash, most of these girls ainât got a clue
This joins âMo Bambaâ in the Top 2 of Rap Songs That Need To Be Played At All Parties In The Year 2018. While âBambaâ is more consistent -- seriously, âSICKO MODEâ is four songs in one -- almost nothing tops hearing the start of this and immediately anticipating the rest (like the opening of âTuesdayâ when that was hot). The third part is probably my favorite. #likealight
28) SOB X RBE f/ Zacari & Kendrick Lamar - âParamedic!â
Our third selection from the âBlack Pantherâ soundtrack. Second favorite beat of 2018; I canât not move the second it drops.
27) Drug Church -Â âUnlicensed Hall Monitorâ
Favorite guitar leads of 2018. Itâs as sleek as the vocals are gruff.
26) Matt And Kim -Â âFOREVERâ
Was a dead tie between this and the equally emotional âYoungest I Will Beâ. But this one has a vid -- and they make the best vids. This song also references the 1992 Dream Team. Our world will never be shit if they stay a part of it; first time Iâve came close to tearing up so far. These two inspire.
25) The Ramblinâ Boys Of Pleasure -Â âJoyce Jawbreakerâ
Speaking of turrs, my band of 14 years released our maybe last song ever in 2018. Written in Maine, titled for Joyce Manor and Jawbreaker, and about lost love, Chicago, futures, playing music with your brothers, tiny hands, and found love. We also did a video:
24) Ariana Grande f/ Nicki Minaj -Â âthe light is comingâ
I really, truly am not excluding âthank u, nextâ to be contrarian. While I agree that is her defining song of 2018 -- and biggest hit to date? -- âthe light is comingâ is so much more unique. It goes in so many directions while the hook ties the rope around you a hundred times. Yep, Iâm right.
23) Laura Jane Grace & The Devouring Mothers -Â âApocalypse Now (& Later)â
Wish I could forever keep this songâs opening line as my mantra: You make me walk away from the hate I carry.
22) Restorations -Â âNonbelieverâ
Another band that should be bigger, so they can always be free to do anything they want. This song will always boil down to this part, which captures the push and pull of 2018 America:
I love your protest lines
Oh, but who has the time?
We all saw the same thing at the same time, okay?
Got a partner for starters
And a kid on the way
Canât be doing all this dumb shit no more
For how crass, clumsy, and non-rhyming that concludes, the song itself ends dire.
21) The Get Up Kids -Â âIâm Sorryâ
One of my favorite videos of 2018. Similar to âApocalypse Now (& Later)â, Iâm not sure if itâs about a love interest or a kid. Does it matter? No. But it does to me.
20) Antarctigo Vespucci -Â âFreakinâ U Outâ
A band name for the ages. With Chris Farren (of Fake Problems) on vox and Jeff Rosenstock on instruments, this song could power a car -- or at least one person who didnât get a lot of sleep last night.
19) Bayside -Â âIt Donât Existâ
Anthony Raneri has a new grill, but this song feels 50 years old. A classic in real time.
18) The Carters -Â âAPESHITâ
Is this artsy, all-time vid somewhat undermined by the Migos ad libs?
Yes.
/makes note to maybe dress up like this for Halloween next year
17) Post Malone f/ 21 Savage -Â ârockstarâ
This song is so good -- albeit misogynist and also bad -- it makes me genuinely eager for a 21 Savage verse. And though I love any bars relating to his 12-car garage...
my favorite 21 savage quirk is his yearly 12 car garage updates:
2016: âwhy you got a 12 car garage?â
2017: âthey like âsavage why you got a 12 car garage / and you only got 6 cars?ââ
2018: âwhy you got a 12 car garage? / cause i bought 6 new carsâ
(via @ottergawd)
...his intro line is just so, so terrible:Â âI've been in the Hills fuckin' superstars / Feelin' like a popstarâ. You know thatâs... not really a rhyme, right?
16) Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness -Â âOhioâ
/will always, always death stare that dumb name to start any Andy section
Ah, but if we did start with a lyric?
Katieâs counting crows
This song is about leaving the worst state for one of the best. But if weâre doing that, why do we feel so melancholy?
15) Kendrick Lamar & SZA - âAll The Starsâ
You've gotta be mesmerizing to make Kung Fu Kenny look pedestrian, but SZA's galactic hook does just that.
14) Frank Turner - â1933âł
Frank isnât from here, but heâs setting out to remind us of where this all began.
13) The Wonder Years -Â âSister Citiesâ
As far as pop punk legacies are concerned, The Wonder Yearsâ is secure. There is no longer necessity to churn out bangers; theyâre already on the Mount Rushmore. Still, they go. Every part of this song is essential: the build up verses, blown out chorus, Panic! At The Disco 2005-era hi-hat off-time drum transitions, end-of-the-rope bridge. The true standout is the closing of V2:
I'm guarded like I'm wounded, my first instinct's always ârunâ
I wanna turn to steam
I wanna call it off
I wanna lighten the dark
I wanna swallow the sun
Good guitar leads add even extra.
12) YG f/ 2 Chainz, Big Sean & Nicki Minaj -Â âBIG BANKâ
âAlexa, what does big bank do to little bank?â
The highlight line from each:
YG:Â âAyy, I set the bar, I'm the fuckin' bar / Look in the sky, I'm a fuckin' star / I don't fall in love 'cause I be lovin' hard / Do everything like my shirt, extra largeâ
2 Chainz:Â âBig shit like a dinosaur did itâ
Big Sean:Â âI'm rare as affordable health careâ
Nicki:Â âTold em' I met Slim Shady, bagged a Em / Once he go black, he'll be back againâ
Let this also be remembered as the song that created a Madden controversy.
11) Dean Summerwind - âParked By The Lakeâ
What is there to say about the legend that is Dean Summerwind? With only one song on Spotify, heâs batting a clean 1.000. Calling this genius feels like an understatement. Itâs real, itâs parody, itâs persistent, itâs ours.
10) The Dirty Nil -Â âBathed In Lightâ
The Canadian Local H. Reaaaaaaaally wanna see them live in 2019.
9) oso oso - âgb/ol h/nfâ
I stylized oso oso as âOso Osoâ last year to stick it to their frontman Jade, but a year later, Iâve lost the energy. Blame Ariana Grande. This song -- which stands for âgoodbye old love, hello new friendâ* -- has my favorite chorus of the year. Itâs so simple, itâs obvious: âBut I still come through, when you want / And if I serve no use, where do I get my purpose from?â
Also, this is indie/pop/punk/rockâs version of âSICKO MODEâ: got more parts than âThe Wireâ.
(* - had to look that up multiple times in 2018 and never retained, despite it being the bridge of the song... I didnât notice)
8) Kacey Musgraves -Â âSpace Cowboyâ
If any song *survives* the existence of this list, I hope itâs this one. Kacey has this predictable-yet-surprising way of taking existing tropes and co-opting them with her own twist. Homegirl is like the Jim Nantz of pop/country in that way.
7) Direct Hit! -Â âWelcome To Heavenâ
This song makes me want to die to, you know, check. Blustering chorus, fascinating premise, and charged up while simultaneously patient/in control.
6) FIDLAR f/ The 90s -Â âAre You High?â
This not being on Spotify was one of the worst non-Michigan football things to happen to me in 2018. Man, I hate Michigan football.
5) Drake -Â âNice For Whatâ
- My favorite beat of 2018 (New Orleans bounce, ftw)
- My favorite release of 2018
- Drizzy said it would drop on a Friday
- We were thinking morning or midday (not late evening, in the last remaining hours of the day, when were were faded and had waited so long it was almost forgotten -- it hit perfect)
- On top of that, he also sampled Lauryn Hillâs âEx-Factorâ -- the same week Cardi B did the same -- with even more pulsating results
- I will always interpret that as a real or sneak diss, yet no one I know has ever said anything
- My buddy Josh sent a selfie vid of him and his girl and some friends bopping to it; Iâll remember that forever; the moment felt like such an event, as if the world simultaneously celebrated at such an atypical time
- Drake deserves 30% less credit for this female empowerment anthem because of the âthese hoesâ sample
- Maybe a Top 5 Drake song, all-time
- There is no planet, solar system, or multiverse where 2018 Drake finishes ahead of 2018 Pusha T
4) Pusha T -Â âThe Story Of Adidonâ
You are hiding a child.
Letâs not mince words: this is the No. 2 greatest diss track of all time. Pac is No. 1 -- this will not be debated. From there, Nas is DQâd for âEtherâ homophobia, annnnnnd no one else is in the realm. King Push...
- Unearthed a photo of Drake in blackface and uses it as the art for the song
- Goes at Drakeâs mom (âMarriage is something that Sandi never had...â)
- Goes at Drakeâs dad (âDennis Graham stay off the 'gram, bitch, I'm on oneâ)
- Outs Drake for having a child (and hiding said child!*)
- Goes at Drakeâs baby momma
- And -- /gulp -- goes at Drakeâs longtime producer 40 for having multiple sclerosis, suggesting he will not be alive soon**
He does this over âThe Story Of O.J.â beat... a rather chill backdrop, all things considered.
(* - Drake responded later with the line âI wasnât hiding my kid from the world, I was hiding the world from my kidâ which just isnât cool at all but is competent enough to win some people back over; /barf)
(** - HOLY FUCK***)
(*** - much debate occurred in the aftermath regarding if Push âwent too farâ; I was 50-50 at the time but now am 100-0 that it was the right choice; this song is cyanide venom, so why pull back even an ounce?)
Though Drake survived -- turns out the mainstream pop boost is bigger than hip-hop beef -- he took the fattest of Lâs on this one.
Really canât decide on a lyrical ending, so Iâm gonna go with two:
Surgical summer.
If we all go to hell, itâll be worth it.
3) Spanish Love Songs -Â âBuffalo Buffaloâ
In my head, this was gonna end up ahead of The Menzingers, but that would be like putting Greta Van Fleet ahead of Zeppelin. Spanish Love Songs were my breakout band of 2018. They released my favorite album, I saw them as an opener at Sub-T in Chicago, and I promised their bassist Iâd see them in Florida at the Fest (this did not materialize). While their vocals and guitar leads sound identical to Scrantonâs finest, if you listen to them as much as I did, youâll realize they offer a sound and perspective* of their own as well.
(* - no one hates themselves more than this singer)
2) The Menzingers -Â âToy Soldierâ
Thereâs so much to be sad about these days
/that guitar intro
Followed by the best musical moment of this year: from 0:06 to 0:07 -- the ever-so-slight delay before the band blows it out. Spent a lot of time in 2018 debating if I should change my Twitter bio to âI lost my accent in the plagueâ. Listened to this song on the floor of the living room on my 32nd birthday; then I read âThe Great Gatsbyâ. From there (at this point, it was past midnight), I realized this sounded like The Lawrence Armsâ âRequiem Revisitedâ, which was inspired by Naked Raygunâs âSoldiers Requiemâ. Itâs all a triangle of that perfectly fitting punk chord progression. Thatâs right: I am Pepe Silvia.
1) Horror Squad -Â âI Smoke The Bloodâ
Best song title of 2018. Best song of 2018.
This has 729 views on YouTube -- be the 730th.
Spotify playlist.
Thank you for reading.
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36 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2018
Below are my favorite quotes from 2018. Though most occurred throughout the year, some took place before but were encountered during.
1)Â âTwo of my favorite people are each otherâs favorite people.â - Megan Filip
2)Â âYou consume all that in pursuit of this kind of well-timed lightning bolt right to your guts, when youâre already jittery off the caffeine and the sun has risen and sent unwanted beams into the living room, and your friend, rooting for the other guy, has steadily increased the distance between the two of you on the couch and eventually goes quiet. Soon you are hollering. Soon you are walking the sunny sidewalk feeling keyed-up and king-like when in truth all you have done is stay up all night watching television.â - Giri Nathan, on the 2017 Aussie Open
3)Â âDogs find me.â - Garrett Smith
4)Â âSomeone told me the key to aging is to not stop doing anything you love.â - Julia Miller
5)Â âResolution 1: Never have a hypothetical argument in your head with someone ever again. You are arguing with yourself. None of this happened/is going to happen.
What a ridiculous waste of precious time and love.â - The Menzingers
6)Â âIâm never too wasted to talk like Iâm 22.â - Megan Filip
7) âWhen a man say no to champagne, he say no to life.â - The Deer Hunter
8)Â âSay your lip into the tape again.â
9)Â "To some extent, wherever Keith Jackson was was a Rose Bowl." - Brian Cook
10)Â "There should have been a lot more to his life, but depression lies. It will lie to you at every turn. It will tell someone so disarmed by the power of despair that there is no hope, no alternative, and no other solution. It will feel like the only option, and the only defense is to remember that the loudest voice in the room is not telling you the truth, ever. That depression wants, for reasons beyond understanding, for you to go away forever. That depression is willing to tell you anything to make that happen.
[...]
Whatever you do: Reach out, talk, and listen, and hold on. Tyler Hilinski was 21 years old and walked off the field four months ago as the winning QB in a triple OT win over Boise State. Heâs gone today, and he shouldnât be, and in the gap between those two things is all the pain that should never, ever be for those who knew and loved him." - Spencer Hall
11)Â âMan up, Gary. Or at least lady down a bit.â - Sue, Veep
12)Â "Age is a process of becoming steadily less sure."
13)Â ââNiceâ is basically one step above saying âI hate you.ââ - Megan Filip
14)Â Selina: I was so sorry to hear about Uber.
Ben: Bunch of dumbass millennials. Too lazy to learn how to drive drunk.
-Â Â Veep
15)Â "Sun yourself. Bask, until you have reached your swag limit, and then bask just a little more. Weekends like this stand on their own." - Brian Cook, on sports and everything, man
16)Â Mike: The band is getting back together again!
Selina: Who cc'd Mike?
Mike: I get it, I'm Ringo.
Ben: No, Amy's Ringo. You're Mark David Chapman's bullet.
- Veep
17) âYou gonna hire a lawyer?â
âNo, I'm thinking of pleading guilty. I wouldn't mind a little time in prison, get away from my wife; spend time with guys who get it.â
- Veep
18)Â âA writer had better rise above the ideas of his time, but one should not take offense if he doesnât.â -Â William Empson
19)Â âSometimes I get bored of drinking, and then I take a couple days off, and then I think to myself, âHey, you know what would be exciting? DRINKING.â Asking a man to live sober in 2018 America is a LOT to ask.â - Drew Magary
20)Â âWe are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.â - Kurt Vonnegut
21)Â âErasing history is a dangerous road when it comes to artâchange is essential, but so, too, is remembering the past, in all of its transgression and barbarism, so that we may properly gauge how far we have come, and also how far we still need to go.â - Molly Ringwald
22)Â "You can say anything as long as you put the right emoji next to it." - Kanye West
23)Â "The non-event is the best part of life." - Jerry Seinfeld
24)Â âHe was the perfect guestâ - Justin Charity, on Anthony Bourdain
25) âI wanted his life. I donât think Iâm alone in that. He went places you and I will never go. He ate things you and I will never eat. He met people you and I will never meet. He lived. Anthony Bourdain lived so much that the idea of him dying seems completely preposterous.â - Drew Magary, on Anthony Bourdain
26) âYouâll miss out on 80 percent of life if youâre afraid to get messy, or look dumb, or get sweaty.â - Drew Magary (on chicken wings)
27)Â "I cherish taking leisurely strolls with my wife Jean at twilight. My steps are getting slower and increasingly I have another journey on my mindâthe one into eternity. But the joyâthe sheer, unadulterated joyâof a hand-in-hand, slow walk as evening shadows fall never ceases." - Dan Rather
28)Â âToo late to forget me. We already met.â - Tracy Morgan
29) âIâm dying before cancer.â - Brian Pawola
30) "The more ostentatiously you claim to love America, the more you actually hate most of its people." - Roman
31) âIf itâs not a definite yes, itâs a no.â - Someone's Therapist
32) "Hey, for the record, if you have a person like that, where they expect and want you to make all the plans and then also expect you to always change them at the last minute (possibly multiple times) because they can't do the bare minimum of showing up, I have a tip. When my therapist told me this, it blew my mind.
You can just tell them "So this is the plan! I hope you can make it!"
And then DO THE THING whether or not they show up
Seriously, as someone whose prime directive is TAKE CARE OF PEOPLE NO MATTER THE COST TO ME, this blew me away" - @sarahhollowell
33)Â âAt a certain point midway on the timeline of oneâs finite existence, the differences between people that stood out in youth take a backseat to similarities.â - Deborah Copaken
34)Â âIf you get on the wrong train, running down the aisle backward is not a solution. You have to get off the train.â - Dietrich Bonhoeffer via Ed Burns
35)Â âWithout feeling that there is at least one other person who understands usâwho sees us in all our splendor AND our shameâwe cannot be well.â - Dr. Julia DiGangi
36)Â âWhen the house is burning, people tell the truth.â -Â Dr. Julia DiGangi
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My Top 120 Songs Of 2017
Previously: 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011
The one saving grace is we do have 12 fewer than last year.
As always, criteria and info:
This is a list of what I personally like, not ones Iâm saying are the âbestâ from the year; more subjective than objective
No artist is featured more than once
If it comes down to choosing between two songs for an artist, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track; not the ultimate factor, but it typically makes sharing the music easier
Speaking of⌠each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check any or every out for yourself
Oh, also, off the suggestion of Mike Gilkes -- and a few others -- I made this whole thing into a Spotify playlist, which you can peep here (includes 114 of the 120):
Letâs go?
120) Big Sean & Metro Boomin f/ 21 Savage - âPull Up N Wreckâ
Some mediocre, listenable rap made by dudes who know a bit better (well, at least 2/3rds of them).
119) Maroon 5 f/ Future -Â âColdâ
This song makes me feel mostly nothing... but the first minute of the video does have some solid Adam Levine alone-in-the-car acting.
/oh my god it has 119 million views
This was a lot easier to enjoy when I assumed it went unnoticed. Bonus points for the Wu-Tang shirt at the end.
118) Bleachers -Â âHate That You Know Meâ
Closed out 2017 undecided as ever on one Jack Antonoff. Should we hate him for dating Lena Dunham? Somehow respect him more? Give him mega credit for his big time pop songwriting collabs? Or is that a ding? Is he a nerd or the coolest guy in the cocktail bar? I do not know the answers to any of these questions, and this song is merely OK.
UPDATE: THEY GAWN
117) B.o.B f/ T.I. & Ty Dolla $ign - â4 Litâ
Real bad song with a mindless/terrible/misogynistic chorus. Yet... something about professional musicians sitting in a room and coming up with â4 Litâ as some sort of escalated to catchphrase to âlitâ is just hilarious.
116) Prophets of Rage -Â âUnfuck The Worldâ
Sure, this hits a lot of the same beats as Rage Against The Machineâs âSleep Now In The Fireâ from 18 years ago, but in these increasingly polarized, political times, I welcome their voice.
115) Kacy Hill -Â âLike A Womanâ
This song is so chill and ethereal that it seems almost unfeasible for my punk/hip-hop/XX chromosome havinâ ass to completely sync with its wave.
114) The Decemberists -Â âBen Franklinâs Songâ
What happens when pop indie teams up with the lyrical stylings of Lin-Manuel Miranda? Well, this. Iâm not sure if The Decemberists drop f-bombs in any of their other songs, but it pleases me to think it only happened here.
113) Offset & Metro Boomin -Â âRic Flair Dripâ
Mostly here for the beat.
112) Hurray For The Riff Raff -Â âHungry Ghostâ
A cool song thatâs hard to put into a box. Indie? Pop? Rock? Forget labels, just enjoy.
(Minus a few points for the low hanging âgirl/worldâ rhyme)
111) Wavves -Â âDreams Of Grandeurâ
I was pretty let down by the new Wavves LP, but this song sounds enough like the old stuff to be a net positive (despite being, like, 70 seconds too long)
110) Culture Abuse - âSo Bustedâ
Culture Abuse got on my radar with last yearâs all-timer, âDream Onâ. It was an unrelenting, robotic pulverization. âSo Bustedâ is more of a drug comedown; a ballad, even. While âDream Onâ wanted to seek you out and kill you like a terminator; âSo Bustedâ just wants a cuddle.
109) Trey Songz -Â â#1Fanâ
This song is so dumb and funny and pseudo competent. Really not sure how the R&B guys get away with this shit.
108) The Killers -Â âThe Manâ
Is this in a movie? It should be in a movie. Itâs kind of, like, a better version of what Arcade Fire has been trying to be.
107) New Lenox - âProtest Sweaterâ
A good song for the ending 2017 -- or any year, really -- and its run time (1:30) would make Joyce Manor proud.
106) Logic - âEverybodyâ
This is really good, but it reminds me so much of Kendrick that it becomes distracting.
105) Gorillaz f/ DRAM - âAndromedaâ
Didnât spend enough time listening to the new Gorillaz record, but I actually put the blame on them: it was long, man. So while I woulda loved to pick one of the songs with a cool cameo (hi, Vince Staples!), this is the one I actually had around the most. Itâs all weâve come to expect from this cartoon band -- kinda British, kinda futuristic, very undisturbed. Also, if it gets you back to the album before me, I heard that Damon Albarn told all collaborating artists to record their parts like the world was ending tomorrow.
104) Dropkick Murphys -Â âBloodâ
If you know me at all, you know I historically have not been a fan of this band. But for whatever reason, this one connected -- bagpipes and all.
103) Captain, Weâre Sinking -Â âBooksâ
CWS was never, ever going to top the falling-apart-desperation of 2013â˛s âThe Future Is Cancelledâ, but this song comes pleasantly close.
102) IRONTOM -Â âBe Bold Like Elijahâ
My buddy Crooks recâd this band, and the guitars give me Queens Of The Stone Age vibes in the best possible way. A bio on lastFM compared them to Arctic Monkeys, and you know what? I agree with that, too.
101) Jidenna -Â âA Bullâs Taleâ
This song feels primed to explode and makes you wanna rip the shirt off your chest; only we donât know if the bombâs gonna blow in the middle or at the end.
100) Jeff Tweedy - âI Am Trying To Break Your Heartâ
Yeah yeah, the original version of this dropped in 2002, and yes, itâs just a cover by the dude who originally sang it. I... do not care. It made me appreciate the confessional regret all over again.
99) Talib Kweli f/ Yummy Bingham & Jay Electronica - âAll Of Usâ
It was all bad just a week ago
Kweli and Jay Elect are a collab made in conscious rap heaven, so this song was more than a pleasant surprise.
98) Rise Against - âHouse On Fireâ
This song could have been on âRevolutions Per Minuteâ. Or maybe Iâm just saying that because of the hand grenade lyric in the chorus.
97) HAIM - âWant You Backâ
Canât imagine there being a lamer song on this list. HAIM and Bleachers should get in a wuss rock beef that ends with pistols.
96) The Bigger Empty - âBy Its Own (So What)â
My producer plays bass in this band. This song is super solid, and, maybe most importantly in these completely divisive times, unoffensive and approachable. Kinda Hush Sound-y.
95) Little Big Town -Â âLost In Californiaâ (note: link is to live version)
From the bros and broettes who brought us âDay Drinkingâ comes this much more subdued track. If you squint, it doesnât really even seem like country. Granted, if they sang âAlabamaâ instead of âCaliforniaâ, you could probably call that claim out immediately.
94) Lana Del Rey -Â âHeroinâ
Another beautiful/dreamy song from an artist whoâs near-perfected that niche.
93) Wavves & Culture Abuse -Â âUp And Downâ
Wavves and Culture Abuse have already made appearances on this list, and we havenât even cracked the Top 80. Fortunately, their collaboration scored a little higher than their individual outputs. Shout out to their uplifting outro âIâll just get high and Iâll die aloneâ.
92) The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - âSomething Just Like Thisâ
This song played at my gym all the time, and I was positive it was Coldplay. Then someone told me it was The Chainsmokers. Then I looked it up on YouTube, and it says âThe Chainsmokers & Coldplayâ... so whatâs the deal, assholes?
91) Lil Peep f/ Lil Tracy - âAwful Thingsâ
I hadnât heard of Lil Peep when I found out of his passing in 2017. After looking up some pictures, I was nearly 100% positive his music was not for me. This was incorrect. I havenât really listened to songs that sound like his; itâs kind of like rap that treads this line of being bad while also kinda sounding like alternative rock; destructive love song that doesnât flinch.
90) AFI -Â âDark Snowâ
Nothing new, but Davey Havok can still sing circles around almost anybody.
89) Dashboard Confessional -Â âLove Yourselfâ (link is to live, partial version)
Well, Dashboard covered Biebs, and we all lived to tell the tale.
88) Garrett Dale -Â â2016 Was...â
This song would be a blast as a singalong in a late night hotel room. Thereâs something calming about celebrating -- or at least acknowledging -- everything sucking.
87) Katy Perry f/ Skip Marley - âChained To The Rhythmâ
Got more than a few issues with this song, but itâs catchy, so theyâre mostly forgiven. Even though itâs Katy Perry, I was pretty surprised to see it racked up 444 million views.
And seriously who the hell is Skip Marley?!
86) The Ramblinâ Boys Of Pleasure -Â âGlug, Glug, Glugâ
Now is probably a good time to plug the lead track from my bandâs b-sides record that came out this year (ten years in the making, baby!). Mandatory listening if youâve ever bonged brandy, partied in Champaign, or counted down in a country voice.
85) Charly Bliss - âGlitterâ
Itâs been nearly a year, but itâs still somewhat difficult to calibrate this singerâs voice. Is it a little too saccharine, too childlike, or just perfect? You be the judge.
84) Emperor X -Â âWasted On The Senate Floorâ
This singer is real god damn frenetic.
83) Father John Misty -Â âTotal Entertainment Foreverâ
/obligatory âyes, this is the one with the Taylor Swift lyricâ reference
FJM has such a proâs pro voice and makes super sound music... but itâs also kinda hard to have an overall opinion. The more 50-50 I get, the more I think itâs not all that great. The video is a microcosm. Like... why is Macaulay Culkin paying Cobain? Is this a commentary on capitalism? Oooh, nah nah nahs are nice! As divided as I still am, Iâm pretty positive this song is good-if-not-great.
82) St. Vincent -Â âNew Yorkâ
This song is further proof that soft, radio friendly music can still benefit from a well placed âmotherfuckerâ.
81) Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness -Â âDead Manâs Dollarâ
As long as Andrew McMahonâs project is called âAndrew McMahon In the Wildernessâ, I will make fun of him like clockwork.
This song is nice. I sometimes sing âI want Thon Makerâ when he says âI want to make aâ in the chorus.
80) Kele Okereke -Â âStreets Been Talkinââ
Keleâs most impressive feat was sneaking âbaeâ right into the chorus without me noticing until literally right now.
79) Rick Ross - âSummer SeventeenâÂ
How the hell did this dumbass song get so high up on the list? I have no explanation. Classic Roazy though -- aim high, fake it till you make it. When I started my new job in August, IT reset my password to âsummer2017âł, and I had this songâs hook in my head nearly every time I typed it in. All told, a pretty hilarious way to start a work day.
78) Michelle Branch -Â âBest You Everâ
This song sounds so dark and sultry, but Iâm not totally sure why. Branch rules.
77) Calvin Harris f/ Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean -Â âFeelsâ
The best way to ruin this song for anyone is to point out how much the hook sounds like Katy Perry singing âDonât be afraid to catch fishâ.
76) Morrissey - âSpent The Day In Bedâ
This is a very low maintenance lyric video. So you can either make fun of that or the âI spent the day in bed / Iâm not the type, but I love my bedâ line.
75) Red City Radio - âIf You Want Blood (Be My Guest)â
The âWe donât need a god damn thing from youâ chorus is a little punk cliche to win me over, but the Oklahoma City reference (âwhere our dreams come true and dieâ) is the line Iâve been waiting for since I found out RCR was from there.
74) Sam Coffey & The Iron Lungs -Â âTalk 2 Herâ
The closest weâll get to a new Clash song in 2017.
73) Bad Cop/Bad Cop -Â âWomanarchistâ
Factoring in the 2017â˛s themes (#MeToo, Harvey dead, etc.), this has to be the song title of the year. I smiled ear-to-ear watching this music video.
72) The Movielife -Â âMercy Is Asleep At The Wheelâ
Hey, The Movielife reunited!
71) The Rocket Summer -Â âGone Too Longâ
Unlike that lazy ass Morrissey, The Rocket Summer gave us a lyric video that basically passes as a legit music video.
70) Miguel f/ Travis Scott -Â âSky Walkerâ
Me, every time I listen to this song:
âOoh, beat is pretty solid.â
âAh yeah, the hookâs good. I thought I really liked this song though...â
/falsetto part
âAW YEAH.â
69) Queens Of The Stone Age -Â âThe Way You Used To Doâ
Had never known about the Josh Homme/Elvis comparisons, but after hearing this, I totally get it now. Also: god damn it, man.
68) Macklemore f/ Skylar Grey -Â âGloriousâ
What can we do to make Skylar Grey more famous? She Ginger Rogersâd for Em on âSNLâ -- seriously, she played piano and sung Dido, BeyoncĂŠ, and Rihanna hooks (thatâs a solid ass trinity!) -- has unarguably awesome songs, and never takes anything off the table. I honestly donât care if she has another hit... letâs just, like, all Venmo her five bucks or something.
One of my fav music videos on the list so far. Be as skeptical of Macklemore as you want, but when his grandma offers him a drink (haha) then says she wants to âdo it allâ with their day together, it warms the hearts.
67) Direct Hit! -Â âBlood On Your Tongueâ
Direct Hit! continues to be the best modern version of Green Day, The Ramones*, and themselves.
(* - without being Ramones-core)
66) Boyd & The Stahfools -Â âParty Penguinâ
Iâve been in the game for a long while, but, for the first time in my career, I finally was part of a music video. If you told me it was a 2Pac parody that advertised craft beer, Iâd, well, Iâd believe you. We got Dave Hernandez on the hook, Mike Healy as Dr. Dre, and yours truly as Makaveli.
And all jokes aside, âOn vacation like Bev DâAngeloâ is one of my favorite penned lines.
65) Rancid -Â âTelegraph Avenueâ
I like when Tim sings about grabbing his left-handed guitar.
64) Big Sean f/ Jeremih -Â âLightâ
Sean Don made a forgettable 2017 album with many throwaway tracks -- but âLightâ ainât one of âem. I liked this song even before the touching video cemented its power.
63) blink 182 - âParking Lotâ
This is that weird mix of what makes all new blink really good and really eh at the same time -- Skiba involved (for better or worse), inspired Mark (for better or worse), and Travisâ overplaying (for better or worse). Itâs for sure easier if you just turn your brain off and go with it.
Why does he reference Chicago in the verse then California in the pre-chorus?
I SAID âOFFâ.
62) New Found Glory -Â âYour Jokes Arenât Funnyâ
This song doesnât break a ton of new ground, but itâs got this circular, easy chorus that keeps me coming back.
61) Teenage Bottlerocket - âGoinâ Back To Wyoâ
Similar to Red City Radio writing about OKC, I canât get enough of TB writing about their home. Did I blast this song while driving across the entire state alone this summer? Do you know me an ounce?
60) Frank Turner - âThe Sand In The Gearsâ
A little dissatisfied with the current administration? Frank may be from across the pond, but heâs with you on this one, man. One of my favorite parts of this song is when he breaks the rhyme scheme just to angrily say âI thought that we were winning the war against the homophobes and the racistsâ.
59) Billy Bragg - âNot Everything That Counts Can Be Countedâ
Billy Bragg is here for all of us, with perspective, wisdom, and insightful guidance in tow.
58) Dave Hause -Â âThe Flinchâ
Send this one to an old flame if youâre hoping, you know, to maybe rekindle.
57) Selena Gomez f/ Gucci Mane -Â âFetishâ
Thatâs right -- âBad Liarâ got beat out by this significantly less popular single featuring one of my least favorite rappers.
/looks up play totals
âFetishâ... 130 million
âBad Liarâ... 214 million
Comparably popular, I say! For me, this one is all about the chorus -- and that beatâll get you swayinâ.
56) Jay Electronica - âLetter To Falonâ
âCause who gonâ save them babies? / And finally put a definite to all those maybes
Death, taxes, maybe death again, and Jay Electronica never releasing a full length album. Our man has been on Roc Nation for nearly ten years. I hate him so much. /anxiously awaits his next move
Jay Electricity in his zone on this one; so comfortable, in full operation within the confines.
55) Laura Jane Grace - âAdoreâ
I donât know who Amy Shark is, but LJG covered her song and punted my heart into Lake Michigan.
54) Russian Girlfriends -Â âAntidoteâ
Upbeat, direct song that starts kinda Metric-y with the riff but then gets more pop punk as it progresses.
53) Brian Fallon -Â âIf Your Prayers Donât Get To Heavenâ
My fiancee laughed when I looked up how to play this song on the guitar and the guy who tabbed it out wrote âTypical Brian Fallon open chordsâ in the intro.
52) Cloud Nothings -Â âEnter Entirelyâ
If âWomanarchistâ is the âbestâ song title of the year, âEnter Entirelyâ is certainly the coolest. And please donât let the very boring music video fool you -- this song gets after it, man. If you are a fan of rock music, it would blow me away if you found this song remotely objectionable.
(After seeing CN open for Japandroids on back-to-back nights this November, it feels criminal to have such a slow song represent the band, as their drummer is the Russell Westbrook of the indie scene. That dude does not tire and comes off as more machine than man.)
51) Conor Oberst - âNapalmâ
Oberst released a 10-song album in 2016 that was super brooding and piano-y... then he released another album in 2017 (17 songs) that had every track from his previous record and seven new ones. Kind of a weird move, no? This is one of those seven; suffice to say itâs a little more upbeat.
50) Sorority Noise -Â âNo Haloâ
You could tell me this song came out in 2002, 2007, or both -- but not 2017. How is this not a time capsuled rival of Taking Back Sunday or My Chemical Romance? I donât know, but if you like a lot of death, this oneâs for you.
49) N.E.R.D f/ Rihanna -Â âLemonâ
Letâs lighten the mood back up with some RiRi rap. My buddy Crooksâ take:Â âThat's how every 2017 hip-hop beat should sound.â
48) Kesha -Â âPrayingâ
Itâs damn near impossible to talk about this song without talking about The Note. It occurs at 4:21, and it will make you a little faint.
Kesha dusts herself off and gets beyond empowered in this one. This song could legitimately soundtrack the entire #MeToo movement. When the drums kick in halfway through, youâll be ready to fight back too.
When Iâm finished, they wonât even know your name
47) The Smith Street Band - âLaughing (Or Pretending To Laugh)â
This soft, hopeful love song is almost *too* respectful when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex. Iâm not sure thereâs a more endearing 2017 lyric than âAnd I don't wanna marry you just yet / But at least let me get you a cider / And I donât even think Iâd have to pay for it / Hopefully thereâs a couple left on the riderâ.
46) Run The Jewels -Â âLegend Has Itâ
Whenever I think of this song, I will always have that image of El-P holding up that gun to the bunnyâs head. This song is braggadocious, each line one-upping the previous in perpetuity. Man, they probably rule live.
45) Vic Mensa -Â âSay I Didnâtâ
Vic Mensa's Roc Nation debut (CAN YOU HEAR ME AT ALL, JAY ELECTRONICA?!?!?!?!?!?) was real strong, and this one gives you a good taste of what heâs about. Heâs intense but controlled and even gets a little soulful. And depending what sphere you come from, youâll either be extremely more or extremely less interested after he drops a Weezer reference. If that gives you trepidation, maybe the Nate Dogg namedrop will reel you back in?
44) Kendrick Lamar -Â âHUMBLE.â
I like Kendrick Lamar and will always recognize his talent, platform, and body of work (thereâs a real case to be made that his âControlâ verse killed hip-hop, and itâs just been an animated zombie ever since). Having said that...
He doesnât always make it easy. The all caps song titles, the weird high pitched flow, the massive reliance of âbitchâ in his choruses... yet, heâs the same dude who begs for stretch marked butts and body positivity. I donât know, man. By the time he hits the âI make a play fucking up your whole lifeâ line, Iâm nearly all the way back in.
Last complaint: that organ-y keyboard thing could be so much louder. The beat almost feels diet because of that decision.
43) PKEW PKEW PKEW - âCold Dead Handsâ
This song is about how you canât freeze this band to death, because theyâll party their way out of the situation.
42) Weezer - âAny Friend Of Dianeâsâ
This song puts me in a trance; they sing the same chorus lyric a million times, and I still almost want more.
41) Taylor Swift -Â âI Did Something Badâ
If this song isnât a hit in 2018, then I do not know anything. For as uneven and questionable as her new singles were, this song has none of that. By the time sheâs rolling on the tremendously magnetic âover and over and over againâ part, youâll feel like itâs 2009.
Maybe the old Taylor is still alive after all.
40) Best Ex -Â âSomedayâ
Whatâs that, you want your pop with a lot less baggage? This song is currently at 1,042 views, which is further proof of no justice in this world. I remember grocery shopping with this in the headphones, and you woulda thought it was the happiest moment of my life by the expression on my smiling, dumb face.
39) White Reaper -Â âJudy Frenchâ
âThere are no good new rock bands wahhhhhâ
Nah -- you just suck at finding music when itâs never been easier in human history, I guess?
38) Anti-Flag - âThe Criminalsâ
This band has always lived in this dramatic life-and-death world, and itâs been going on for so long, that itâs like their vision of what they were always rebelling against was willed into existence.
37) French Montana f/ The Weeknd & Max B -Â âA Lieâ
My dislike of French Montana is so high that I sometimes think about having to answer for saying something heinous about him. Kinda like when Kevin Garnett was accused of calling Charlie Villanueva (who has alopecia) a âcancer patient.â
KGâs all-time response:
âI am aware there was a major miscommunication regarding something I said on the court last night. My comment to Charlie Villanueva was in fact âYou are cancerous to your team and our league,â" Garnett said in a statement to the media on Wednesday.
Hahahaha.
French, you are a cancer to hip-hop and our league. His verse even references stupid Karl Malone, because why wouldnât it? The good news is we have The Weeknd on the hook *and* in the first verse, so you can basically just pretend itâs his solo song with a few regrettable cameos.
36) The Penske File -Â âOh Brotherâ
The Penske File make it look effortless sometimes. After hearing this song and doing a MalÜrt shot with their singer, I have higher hopes than ever for their 2018 full length.
35) The Front Bottoms -Â âDonât Fill Up On Chipsâ
TFBâs new album didnât give me everything I wanted in terms of uptempo bangers, but the lyrics, sentiment, and craftsmanship are all still very much present.
34) Vince Staples -Â âBig Fishâ
The Juicy J chorus might not win a Pulitzer (âI was up late night ballinâ / Countinâ up hundreds by the thousandâ), but Vince is rapping invincible, and by the time the lyrics call back his monster single (âNorf Norfâ), you wonât be questioning anything anymore.
33) Julien Baker -Â âShadowboxingâ (link is to live version)
I know that you don't understand
'Cause you don't believe what you don't see
When you watch me throwing punches at the devil
It just looks like I'm fighting with me
I swear, Julien Baker might be one of the only people on this planet with the power to shut us all up and listen.
32) Paramore -Â âFake Happyâ
Paramore is a band that does dumb shit all the time. Infighting, legal drama, horrible makeover after horrible makeover. Seriously, this is real:
But through it all, thereâs that unbreakable Hayley voice, and itâs like everything is gonna be OK again. I mean, no, itâs not -- but letâs still enjoy these fleeting moments, full blown pop transition or not.
31) Nothington -Â âCobblestonesâ
This song briefly sounds like Lucero before turning into no nonsense despair punk.
30) Lorde -Â âPerfect Placesâ
Such a phenomenal album closer; great to have her back in the pop music fold. Car, headphones, party, whatever -- this song goes all around you.
29) Remember Sports -Â âI Liked You Bestâ
If Keshaâs high note in âPrayingâ was pop musicâs peak vocal moment in 2017, Iâd like to nominate the âYou made this me-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hessâ (2:37) part as punkâs.
28) Phoenix -Â âJ-Boyâ
This band makes such gorgeous music.
27) Drake -Â âFree Smokeâ (no link)
Drakeâs full album output, in minutes, for the last four years:
2013: 59 minutes
2014: N/A
2015: 108 minutes
2016: 81 minutes
And this doesnât include stray singles, diss tracks, or cameos (2014 had â0 To 100âł, for example). What Iâm saying is, despite high quality material, Aubrey has saturated us with music for nearly half a decade. So even though I dig him lots, it was like âReally?!â when I heard he was releasing 2017â˛s âMore Lifeâ and âWHATâ when I found out it was another 81 minutes (the same length as 2016â˛s âViewsâ). Though the record is stylistically very different -- I keep hearing people use the word âgrimeâ, though I have no idea what it means -- itâs still got bars. My favorite stray lines (they add up):
-Â âMore life, more everythingâ
-Â âI dunk text J-Lo / Old number, so it bounce backâ
-Â âHilton rooms, gotta double up / Writinâ our name on a double cupâ
-Â âI fall asleep in sororities / I had some different prioritiesâ
- âWomen I like was ignorinâ me / Now they like âArenât you adorable?â / I know the question rhetoricalâ
- âI make too much these days to ever say âPoor meââ
-Â âI wanna move to Dubai / So I donât never have to kick it with none of you guysâ
But, it wouldnât be Drake without making fun of him some. The song beings with, well, him sampling himself at an award show. The sample:Â
And more chune for your headtop
So watch how you speak on my name, you know?
Which begs the question: did he do the weird Jamaican accent knowing he was gonna sample it? It treads this weird genius/calculated doofus line. All I know is it makes me laugh.
26) Tigers Jaw - âFavoriteâÂ
This song could make me pensive and unhappy on the sunniest of days.
25) Tee Grizzley -Â âFirst Day Outâ
Like many, I first heard of Tee Grizzley from a LeBron James Instagram workout video. It was an easy sell: Detroit, ferocious beat, and the dude goes *hard*. I got a little too excited and emailed my hip-hop friends:Â âWhat the fuck is this? This is GOOD.â
This was before I realized he kinda sounds the same in every song. Itâs no matter -- weâll always have âFirst Day Outâ, a brief time in June 2017 where I thought Tee Grizzley could be the next to run the game.
I canât even be in public with my hoodie on
24) The War On Drugs -Â âStrangest Thingâ
Itâs very difficult to write about The War On Drugs without mentioning how transcendent it is to listen to them in the car. Everyone is right about that, but, for me, I also have to mention how much this dude sounds like Dylan. People say Springsteen, but I hear so much Bob. You donât necessarily have to get âpastâ it, but you do kinda have to get used to it. Once you do, the lead guitar will carry you into the clouds. This music will make you contemplate and reflect.
23) Foxing -Â âNight Channelsâ
Letâs keep the mood contemplative; you almost feel sleepless if not completely locked in to this one.
UPDATE: This dropped in 2015, /sigh
22) Craig Finn -Â âGod In Chicagoâ
This is more of a movie than a song -- and the visuals agree. Focus in on the lyrics, take in the story, and then do it again soon because youâll catch new wrinkles each time. One of the yearâs best videos, for sure. Punk News phrases it well:Â âHere heâs made a solo album of losers who have no idea theyâve already lost.â
21) DJ Khaled f/ Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper, Lil Wayne -Â âIâm The Oneâ
No one wanted you to know he had sex in 2017 more than DJ Khaled. He made his infant son Asahd the âExecutive Producerâ for this video. Why? Because heâs an idiot. Khaledâs still existing fame continues to confound. Heâs more faux-platitudes than man at his point. So why do the best artists in the world collaborate with someone so seemingly unintelligent? I donât know, but this song bangs and was probably my Song of the Summer. We got JB on the hook, a dumb-but-amusing Quavo*, Wayne trying to gain footing, and Chance running across the finish line backward with Best Verse title belt. But Khaled wonât let you forget about him, blaring DJ tag and all. This song suffers for that, and itâs all his fault.Â
(* - his ad lib of just repeating everything becomes charming once you start to get Stockholm Syndrome with the song)
20) Ed Sheeran -Â âThe Shape Of Youâ
What a 2017 for the man behind the yearâs best (super successful) pop song. At the turn of the calendar, I barely knew who he was, but before we all knew it, there was a legitimate public outcry because he was on âGame of Thronesâ for, like, two minutes. What a time. Oh, also, the âCome on, be my baby...â bridge gave me some âReal World: New Orleansâ acid flashbacks.
Great meme, take us out.
19) Minus The Bear -Â âLast Kissâ
If the shattered neon heart didnât give it away, this is a âthe relationship is definitively overâ breakup song. Seeing them play it at Riot Fest made me miss my late friend Luke; I wish he could have heard this.
18) Hot Water Music -Â âNever Going Backâ
Iâve always maintained Chuck Ragan plays guitar and sings songs like a running back. Well, this song carpe diemâs me enough to play actual running back*.
(* - jk, would never do this unless it was against very small children)
17) Lucky Boys Confusion -Â âGood Luckâ
My hometown heroes released their comeback album in 2017, and Iâm not sure any track sums up the effort better. By the time Adam sings âBurned out, they call us / Screw âem, we got endless memories / Punk rock and the polish / I hope it gave you something to believeâ, there are no dry eyes left.
(And yes, this could totally be an AM Taxi song, but with Ryan Fergusâ killer-fills-only drumming, Iâm glad it wasnât.)
16) Hodera - âBaltimoreâ
This song would likely have a Top 5 objective approval rating of any on the list.
...âThe Wireâ forever.
15) Iron Chic -Â âA Headache With Picturesâ
It ainât heavy, it ainât heaven
If Hot Water Music is carpe diem, what is Iron Chic -- seize the life?! My favorite description of the band came from Sam Sutherland, who tweeted:Â âWhose day has already been derailed by the unavoidably weighty introspection of listening to the new Iron Chic record.â
They are a certified run-through-brick-walls outfit. One of my final 2017 memories of this song was subtweeting âNow I knowâ the night I got engaged and having my buddy Ricky think she mightâve declined the proposal. May have to include a ring emoji next time.
14) The Flatliners -Â âIndoorsâ
Had to listen to this, like, five or six times before its brilliant greatness overtook me like falling into a river. The chorus is so, so heartfelt.
Donât sleep on the video, either (especially the end).
13) Sylvan Esso - âDie Youngâ
Though I have tickets to see them for the first time in 2018, I am not mega-versed in the catalogue of Sylvan Esso. But this feels like their best song. Imagine if Romeo and Juliet turned out OK.
12) Oso Oso -Â âShoes (The Sneaker Song)â
Jade from Oso Oso would likely want all of the above stylized in lowercase -- but this ainât Jadeâs list. This was my favorite new band of 2017, and I do believe they made the yearâs best album. Itâs early-2000s emo at times, pop punk at others, and all ear candy.
11) Sincere Engineer -Â âCorn Dog Sonnet No. 7âł
Staying in the new artist lane, I proudly introduce Sincere Engineer. This band sounds like if Modern Baseball had a little sister. By the time singer Deanna Belos sings âIâm still learning how to beâ, you want to pat her on the back and give her all your best advice.
Fantastic music video -- and she confirmed to me this past weekend that itâs real mustard, not puffy paint (âI have a towel that is all yellow from cleaning it upâ).
10) new.wav -Â âGirlsâ
Alright, so stick with me on this: new.wav is the band, covering The 1975â˛s song âGirlsâ in the style of âEnema of the Stateâ-era blink-182. Confused? Yeah, I was too, but check it out. Maybe more impressive than the arrangements/performance is how they were able to match blinkâs production style -- no easy task.
9) Jay-Z - âFamily Feudâ (starts around 5:30; partial version)
Shawn Corey Carter wants to get right with everyone -- America, his peers, and, of course, within his own home. And though I may never understand the âNew n****s is the reason I stopped drinkinâ Dos Equisâ lyric, Iâm on board with about all else. Similar to the Oso Oso record, â4:44âł is such an album that it feels unfair to single out a song to represent all of its parts. Stripped from the LP, the song does not hit as hard, but in the groove of the record, itâs the apex. And despite Hov seemingly desiring peace, the song does have more than a few call outs:
-Â âMy stash canât fit into Steve Harveyâs suitâ
-Â âAnd old n****s, yâall stop actinâ brand new / Like 2Pac ainât have a nose ring tooâ
-Â âAl Sharpton in the mirror takinâ selfies / How is him or Pill Cosby sâposed to help me?â
In the latter stages of his career, itâs hard to call everything Jay does ânecessaryâ, but â4:44âł definitely checked that box.
8) Rozwell Kid -Â âWendyâs Trash Canâ
Vacillated all year between this one and âMichael Keatonâ and literally flipped a penny my cousin Maggie loaned me to decide. âWendyâs Trash Canâ was heads.
7) The Weeknd -Â âReminderâ
This one got backdoored in as a latter single from The Weekndâs 2016 album. One of my favorite parts about Abel is how little he has had to change to succeed. Sure, itâs silky smooth, but he hasnât sacrificed the drugs, darkness, or ego that should offend (but doesnât because it he pulls it off so well). After bragging early in the song about he won a kids award for singing about cocaine, he calls out peers for biting his sound, blings out his entire crew, and, well:
When I travel 'round the globe, make a couple mil' a show
And I come back to my city, I fuck every girl I know
/clutches pearls
6) The Bombpops -Â âBe Sweetâ
The guitar riff in this song is why I fell in love with punk music. Also, super cool story behind the lyrics:
â'Be Sweet' is an homage to our dear friend, the late Brandon Carlisle of the band Teenage Bottlerocket," vocalist Jen Razavi told AP. "Back in 2010, we were partying in a hotel room with Brandon and Ray Carlisle. There was a guitar in the room and Brandon was showing us an idea he had for a song. He had written it for his wife, but he told us we should play it and change the lyrics to 'getting rad with my boyfriend.' He wrote down all the lyrics on four sheets of hotel notepad paper. Since then, the melody and the chord progression were forgotten, but I still had the lyrics. So we wrote our own version of the song in the studio and used every single lyric that Brandon had written down.
Did I mention the video has an âIn Bloomâ feel? Stop reading, go listen.
5) Action Bronson -Â âLet Me Breatheâ
Action Bronson ainât givinâ nothinâ up. This is my pick for rap song of the year. Itâs got TV brags (âI got two shows, Iâm about to pitch anotherâ), a tight chorus (âLet me breathe for a minute / White Range Rover blowinâ trees all in itâ), and whimsy shit too (âHoney bouncinâ up and down, she nearly broke my dickâ). Ghostfaceâs disciple is having more fun than just about anyone.
4) Japandroids -Â âNorth East South Westâ
Only a Canadian band could get me to care this much about my own country. The Vancouver duo penned an Americana ode to the road -- but thereâs a twist... they talk about their cities too. For every New Orleans, thereâs a Toronto. For every California, a Vancouver.
Maybe theyâll be the ones to end all the border wars.
3) Alex Lahey -Â âEvery Dayâs The Weekendâ
This is the only submission on the list Iâd feel comfortable calling a perfect song. Relatable themes, a chorus thatâll tangle you up, f-bombs in all the right places, and every part maximized. She has this way of weaving between cool confidence and youthful insecurity, all in the matter of one verse.
2) Carly Rae Jepsen -Â âCut To The Feelingâ
When it comes to âCall Me Maybeâ and its legacy, I do not fuck around. This song gets really, really, really close. Just watch this dude.
Queen Carly blessed us with another one. The chorus soars, arms go up, and clouds are your closest companions.
1) The Menzingers -Â âAfter The Partyâ
It's the little things my mind commits / To etch behind my eyelids
When this song dropped, my buddy Dave Rokos called it his favorite Menzos song ever. That felt like high praise, but man, he might be dead on. âAfter The Partyâ rips me in half with its lyrics of palpable desperation:
Like a kaleidoscope in vibrant hues
I navigate around your tattoos
Said you got that one on a whim when you were breaking up with him
And that Matryoshka Russian doll
That lines your shelf from big to small
What a way to start anew
To shed your skin and find the old youÂ
If Carlyâs chorus flies, this one holds us down like gravity. You feel everything, you feel nothing, you feel full yet voided, but after all of this -- the life, the party, the friends, the bars, the experiences, the nights, the lights, the fights, the city you live in -- itâs still her and you. Or him and you. Or whatever it is you come home to at the end, when itâs finally quiet.
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64 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2017
Below are my favorite quotes from 2017. Though most occurred throughout the year, some took place before but were encountered during.
(Allison Greene)
The irony and thematic implication of this first quote -- transcribed in January -- is not lost on me.
1)Â âI wish you all a Happy New Year. Meaning that I wish for your New Years Eve to be happy. Itâs hard to wish hundreds of thousands of people to have an entire happy year. Thatâs a lot. That feels greedy and hopeless and also some of you might not deserve a happy year. Everyone deserves a happy moment or day now and again but a whole happy year I would wish on maybe eight people and four of them are terminally ill children.
Also please remember that the turning over of one year to another is a mental construct that bears no more weight than the things that keep us apart and in competitive categories as human beings. Time is not moving. Youâre not losing or gaining ground. Youâre not separate from âthemâ anymore than youâre separate from your own umbrella. Itâs now, weâre us and this is here. If youâre in pain, this too shall pass. If youâre in luxury, this too shall pass. Ask an old lady how sheâs doing. The internet is not real. Draw a picture on a napkin.â - Louis C.K.
2)Â âFlowers cost money you could spend on alcohol.â - Tracy Cunningham
3)Â "Never make fun of people for mispronouncing a word. It means they learned it by reading."
[that one felt profound when I first read it, but there are probably holes you can poke]
4)Â âMiddle America does not have a monopoly on tough times.â - Drew Magary
5)Â âThe whole point of going to a wedding is to complain about it.â - Drew Magary
6)Â âThe world is too noisy and distracted to probably ultimately survive. Everyone needs to shut the fuck up. The answers are in the silence. Monks set themselves on fire to protest and make this point.
Just consider it.â - Garry Shandling
7)Â âThe fact that Chargers fans get to live in San Diego isnât as much of a solace as you think, either. When youâre unhappy, Southern California can be the loneliest fucking place in the world. Everywhere you look, you are surrounded by people whose lives are seemingly more perfect than your own. And the fantastic weather acts a kind of lingering nag... an irritating reminder that you SHOULD be happy even if youâre not. When you live somewhere miserable, at least you have an excuse for it. People leave you alone, or they help you drink the pain away indoors. Youâre not surrounded by a bunch of fucking Jack LaLannes and Navy steakheads making it worse.
[...]
This is how the San Diego Chargers ended, and their fans deserved better. There wonât even be rain to help water the teamâs grave.â - Drew Magary
8)Â There is no meeting without a Gentry story. He tells the story of Doug Collinsâs college coach at Illinois State, Will Robinson, putting Collins in front of a mirror and saying, âNow, thatâs an ugly motherfucker.â Then Robinson gets a basketball, hands it to Collins, and says, âNow youâre a handsome motherfucker.â
-- âSeven Seconds or Lessâ by Jack McCallum
9) "This is gonna be bad. So be good." - Patton Oswalt, on the next four years
10)Â REPORTER: You always hear about guys in the zone. Whatâs it like to be in that zone and have that moment two games in a row?
DION WAITERS: Oh man, I love that moment. I mean, you can never shy away from that. I just feelâone of my favorite quotes is, uh ... I forgot it already. One of my favorite quotes. But yeah, canât be afraid of taking them shots.
11)Â "No person can be explained in one trait." - Jason Benetti
12)Â That Federer could dig so deep without losing the spirit of grace and generosity he has carried for much of his career--amazingly, it didn't sound insincere when he told the crowd in Melbourne that he would've been happy if Nadal had won--was enough to make Agassi introspective. He fired off a text to a friend, fellow American ex-pro James Blake. Watching Federer, Agassi wrote, "makes me feel like I was much more of a broken person than I even realized."
-- the 2017 Australian Open
13)Â âDo you, because everyone else is taken.â - Uber driver
14)Â Federer's physical skills have tended to obscure just how he resilient he has been throughout his career--a point not lost on him. "My mental toughness has always been overshadowed by my virtuosity, my shotmaking, my technique, my grace," says Federer. "That's why when I lose, it seems like, 'Oh, he didn't play so well.' And when I win, it looks so easy." He says it has been that way since he was young. "Just because I don't sweat like crazy and I don't grunt, I don't have this face on when I hit the shot like I'm in pain, doesn't mean I'm not trying hard," he says. "It's just how I play. Sorry."
15)Â "Iâve always said the only way to change anyoneâs opinion is to make him laugh first. It still is." - John Waters
16)Â âWomen like babies. Men like their sons and daughters.â - Kevin Haack
17)Â âAt once, Federer would triumph over his two greatest rivals: Nadal and Hawk-Eye.â - Chris Almeida, on Roger Federerâs 2017 Aussie Open win
18)Â âBrady did everything in Super Bowl 51 short of fertilizing crops with his own feces to feed his teammates.â - Bill Simmons
19)Â âIt's still hard to believe the Falcons actually lost this game. They're the first team in Super Bowl history to lose with a pick-six in its pocket, one that felt like an unlikely gift given that it came from Brady. Some will throw around the "choker" label, which is inelegant at best and condescendingly incurious at worst. If choking means running after a quarterback on 68 dropbacks until there's hardly any air left in your lungs, the Falcons choked.â - Bill Barnwell
20)Â âKeep in mind: Plenty of people already think Chance The Rapper is corny. Plenty of people have been thinking it for years. Plenty of people who now love Chance The Rapper had to get over the corniness threshold, to train themselves to love the yawpy ad-libs an the voice-cracks and the general hyperactive teenage energy. When Chance won Best New Artist and howled the word 'God' in his acceptance speech about 32 times, I saw plenty of grumbling â We get it, dude, you believe in God â in my Twitter timeline. Someone even said that the music industry had figured out how to manufacture a marketable version of Christian-rap figurehead Lecrae. And that gets at another common complaint about Chance: that heâs an 'industry plant,' a creature created by the music business, one who uses 'independent' as a buzzword rather than as any kind of unifying philosophy. Those of us who love Chance, that line of thinking goes, have been somehow hoodwinked or manipulated into it. And there have been plenty of other perceived sins over the years: the overalls, the KitKat commercial, the constant references to Nickelodeon cartoons, the persistent smiling. Whether or not you love Chance, there is a strong possibility that heâs annoyed you once or twice.â - Tom Breihan
21)Â âTraveling is the antidote to ignorance.â - Trevor Noah
22)Â "But mostly, it's in how Celebration Rock treats every day like the last day of school, raising a glass to the past, living in the moment and going into the future feeling fucking invincible." - Ian Cohen
23)Â âIn fact, it turned out that there was nothing âdangerousâ at all in picking on women and refugees. People will pay you good money for that. The dangerous ideas are the ones they donât pay you for, the ones that donât get you on HBO. Youâre actually dangerous when you do what Yiannopoulos did in the âpedophileâ tapes: defend societyâs most hated outcasts, and tell the truth about the complexities of gay menâs sexuality. Youâre dangerous when you stick up for those on the fringes rather than kicking them. Thereâs nothing courageous or edgy in bullying the despised and excluded. But it might be dangerous if you dared to empathize with them.â - Nathan J. Robinson
24) [Taj] Gibson was asked if his dunk over Dwyane Wade was his favorite moment as a Bull. "It really wasn't. That was just a dunk. It really wasn't one of my favorite moments of my career, to be honest with you. I had a lot of shining moments in my career. Just being around Thibs, he taught me that people don't look at, some of the games, most of the games, they look at the bright spots. I have a lot of different bright spots in my career. The biggest one in my career would have to be just being on the team when guys were down and having a coach look at me and know that he can count on me. No matter what position, no matter what time in the game. And he would trust some of the most important plays for me to do. Those were the most important moments of my life, just having a guy between Fred and coach Thibs, knowing guys that are ahead of me, making twice as much money as me, and he's still calling my name through crunch time. Those were the best moments of my life."
[have some, Carlos Boozer]
25)Â âYou can't let politics dictate what you read or who you fuck.â - Chuck, âGirlsâ
26)Â âWatching Kawhi Leonard play basketball is like when you get the email youâve been waiting for and it says all of the things you were hoping it was going to say.â - Shea Serrano
27)Â âThis isn't a choice, like my diet. This is a necessity, like my drinking.â - Ben, âVeepâ
28)Â âIt's like how love songs never go out of style because no one's ever written one that's closed the book on the subject.â - Brian King, Japandroids
29)Â Pitchfork: A lot of the lyrics on the album take advantage of this universal, mythic rock'n'roll language, like on "Fire's Highway": "Hearts from hell collide/ On fire's highway tonight/ We dreamed it, now we know."
Brian King (Japandroids): Personally, I really like the concepts of good and evil, heaven and hell-- the extreme boundaries of how people can feel and how fast things can change. I like that that language. I'm not talking about just some night you felt a certain way, I'm talking about the night you felt that way-- that one time. People have always alluded to those extremes as a way of characterizing the most intense feelings since blues and the early days of rock. A blues singer won't be like, "We broke up." He'll say, "Satan stole my baby from me." You just pick it up.
30)Â âFriends of mine, hitting partners, are Federer fans for real. They own his racket, his sneakers, the hat with his RF logo. When he loses, they're wrecked; when he wins, it's only slightly less painful, because it's one fewer win they get to witness.â - Rosecrans Baldwin
31)Â âBad ideas rarely spread when the population is educated about better alternatives.â - Greg Graffin
32) This entire story (9:47 to 10:15)
RIP, Don Rickles (1926-2017)
33)Â âBeing pregnant is cool and weird: Your bones ache, your gums bleed, your ligaments basically just start giving up. (A hormone called ârelaxinâ is involved.) You plan decades ahead, then worry youâre jinxing it all. Youâve got a decreasingly nebulous imaginary friend there to listen to your hopes and fears at all hours and you occasionally get the hiccups. But the strangest thing about being with child is the way your body becomes not yours, and not even the babyâs, but the worldâs. Complete strangers reach out and touch. Internet commenters opine. Photos of yourself splayed postpartum on a gurney, hair matted to the side of your face, one boob swung free, are triumphantly text-messaged to fathers-in-law without your express written consent.
Itâs not fair, itâs never fair, but itâs nevertheless the shared experience of so many women during a powerful, vulnerable time.â - Katie Baker
34)Â "I just watched Deadheads spin around for three hours looking for miracles." - Brad Back
35)Â âComparison is the thief of joy.â - Theodore Roosevelt
36)Â "The Spursâ run of NBA success is now old enough to vote, and in a couple of years it will be legally old enough to share finely aged red wines with Popovich, although I suspect heâs been slipping it glasses at home for a few years now. One of the cornerstones of that success has been an ability to find talent where nobody else looked." - Rodger Sherman
37)Â "Cutting at the right time is more important than being fast." - Bill Belichick
38)Â âYou run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. You run into assholes all day, youâre the asshole.â - âJustifiedâ
39)Â âAn asshole is not a brilliant visionary just because a toilet has a bottomless appetite for what comes out of it.â - Albert Burneko, on the passing of Roger Ailes
40)Â "He wouldâve been a rock star no matter where heâd been born, or when." - Rob Harvilla on Chris Cornell
41)Â "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." - Rod Stewart
42)Â âI have never regretted taking a walk. Every time you walk, a bunch of cool shit happens. You burn calories, for one thing. You think of cool ideas. You also get an immediate sense of the layout and vibe of wherever you happen to be. Itâs a cheap shortcut to feeling like a local. I walked around downtown Atlanta for two hours once, which was long enough for me to realize, âOh hey, this is the part of town that sucks!â Then I went and walked around a cooler part.
Also, walking forces me to pocket my phone and actually look around for a bit (in theoryâŚsometimes I check the phone while walking, which is galactically fucking stupid and could get you killed). I can actually feel GOOD about the world when I walk around, because Iâm seeing it as it stands now, instead through the horrifying prism of online news and discourse. The sun still shines out there. People are smiling. Itâs not bad. You wouldnât even know weâre all gonna die soon. Not everything has rotted away just yet. You can leave the shifting sand dunes of the day far behind, to borrow a phrase from Professor Fartsniffer up there.
Also, you donât have to look for a parking spot.
I walked today. I walked past a school and saw a bunch of kids playing touch football and they accidentally launched the ball over the fence and into the road, where they couldnât get it. So they asked me to grab it for them. I hucked it back over and one kid shouted âYOU DA REAL MVP!â And you know what? For that one little moment, I was, indeed, da real MVP. Step aside, Kevin Durantâs mom. I saved touch football. What did you ever do?
That kind of experience isnât really possible when youâre sitting in a car. When you drive, youâre basically in a kind of self-imposed purgatory. The goal is to get wherever youâre headed so that you can resume your life again. I have tried to slow down and savor my surroundings while driving but it rarely works out because A) Itâs not safe and B) I want to make good time. I have my eyes on the road and my ears on my SWEET TUNEZ, and Iâm only slowing down to gawk at an overturned milk truck. âWow, that looks BAD.â
The most important moments in life usually happen when youâre walking. Ever ask someone youâre dying to go out with if they wanna go for a walk, and they say yes? It feels fucking GREAT. Thatâs gonna be a good walk. Then maybe you two walk down the aisle after you get married, and then walk through the hospital to see your new baby in the nursery, and then walk with that child as takes its first steps. And then maybe someone close to you dies, and you have to walk with their casket to their gravesite. Iâve made some of these walks. I havenât forgotten any of them.â - Drew Magary
43)Â "âA great nation does not hide its history, it faces its flaws and corrects them.â - George W. Bush
Let us again state clearly for all to hear. The Confederacy was on the wrong side of history and humanity. It sought to tear apart our nation and subjugate our fellow Americans to slavery. This is a history we should never forget and one that we should never ever again put on a pedestal to be revered." - Mitch Landrieu
44)Â "Just found out Joyce Manor is playing in Bristol on 7/13. When god closes a door, he opens a moshpit." - Chris Trott, after missing the Captain, We're Sinking Show in Chicago on 7/12 due his England trip
45)Â âThe most prestigious honor in music isn't a Grammy. It's âI like this band enough to see them at 10:30 p.m. on a Wednesday.ââ - Steven Hyden
46)Â âI think of you every time I speed up my podcasts.â - Christine Jastrowâs 31st birthday tribute to yours truly
47) "A man of genius makes no mistakes; his errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery." - James Joyce
48)Â âPersonally speaking, a millennial is anyone younger than me who gets on my fucking nerves. I donât think of like, Dak Prescott as a millennial, because he seems cool. But Chris Brown? Fuck him sideways.â - Drew Magary
49)Â "It's a scientific fact that a beer tastes better when it travels more than 5 feet in the air" - @PFTCommenter
50)Â Dustin Brown perfectly summed up what it's like to play on Centre Court. "It would be nice if we're playing every match out there. It's very comfortable. Even when things aren't going your way, it relaxed me a bit to say 'this is where you always wanted to be,'" he said after his Wimbledon second round loss to defending champ Andy Murray.
51)Â "One thing Iâve always found fascinating about Federer (or, rather, the way we talk about Federer) is that thereâs never been any backlash. Normally, when an athlete has been around as long as Federer has, and has been as great as Federer has, and is on the receiving end of so much adulation, some sort of noticeable backlash occurs. Never with Fed.
Relatedly, people root for Federer unabashedly, and did so even during that stretch in the 00's when he was as dominant a force as any sport has seen. Casual fans tend to root for the underdog, but Federer was so sublime that he made people root for Goliath." - Andrew, Deadspin reader
52)Â ââFederer manages to scamper across himselfâ is one of the more Federer tennis calls I've ever heard.â - Brian Phillips
53) âEverything before the word âbutâ is horseshit.â - Jon Snow
54)Â âBe present.â - Megan Filip
55)Â "The successful person is one who finds an opportunity in every problem. Unsuccessful people find a problem in every opportunity." - Lou Holtz
56)Â âIt ainât a hit till Nate Dogg spit.â - Mack 10
57)Â "Nobody goes to work tomorrow. General strike, fuck this country." - some of Blake Schwarzenbach first words at the Jawbreaker reunion
58)Â âItâs hard getting good news -- you donât know what to do with it.â - Blake Schwarzenbach, at the first Jawbreaker show in forever
59)Â âWhen I was a child, I spoke like a child.â - Davis,âTremeâ
60)Â âIn one sense, the story of human history is just people inventing progressively more advanced ways in which to be awful idiots, in groups.â - David Roth
61)Â "Reality gives nothing back and nor should you." - Kobe Bryant
62)Â âShow me a hero and I'll write you a tragedy.â - F. Scott Fitzgerald
63)Â "Brevity is the soul of wit" - William Shakespeare
64)Â "If I shoot an airball, call the foul." - Dirk Nowitzki
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Marian Hossaâs 22 Best Blackhawks Moments
Marian Hossa is sitting out the 2017-18 season due to complications from an equipment allergy. Obviously the Blackhawks are dead and will never win another Stanley Cup, but even sadder, we have been robbed of by far the coolest player in the NHL. While, sometimes, losers like Sidney Crosby capture the Stanley Cup, the dopest, trillest OGs of the NHL win even when they donât.
Hossa was that dude, man.
Itâs very difficult to really ârankâ any of Marianâs top moments because each one was and is a gift. So letâs just go, because this already sucks so bad.
- Eating pierogies out of the Stanley Cup
Haha -- he did this more than once.
- Scoring two goals in his first game with the Blackhawks
After signing with the squad in the summer of â09, Hossa got some cool injury and missed the early portion of the season, where losers have to actually try to work on getting good. The gawd? Hit the ice running in November against the Sharks, as the Blackhawks gave the rest of the league a mood change and sign of what was to come, winning 7-2 on a fantastic Black Wednesday. I remember being in some sweaty, packed bar, surrounded by old friends, and wondering how legitimate this team was going to be. Answer: real as it gets.
Following the game, he gave us this gem: "I wanted to keep things simple. Who would say we would go 7-2? Everybody played a great game and my shoulder felt fine. I took a couple of hits and it was OK."
- King of the empty netters
Why beat a goalie when you can beat no one?
- Missing so many practices for maintenance days
- The âBitches Love Hossa Songâ
- The Follow Up âBitches Love Hossaâ Photograph
- Playing his 1000th NHL game
I was in attendance, and when the Blackhawks took the UC ice to Jay-Zâs âDynasty Introâ all donned in 81 jerseys? Hooooooooooooooooooly fuck. This was thee coolest shit to happen in the building post-Michael Jordan.
The theme song to The Sopranos / Plays in the key of life on my mental piano
- When his daughter squeezed his nose at the 500th goal ceremony
- Hoses
Hossa splits the defense like Moses parting the Red Sea.
- Signing a god damn 12-year contract at age 30
"Now I don't have to worry about dealing with it year-to-year. I'm set for 12 years. That will make it easier and I can focus on hockey," Hossa said.
-Â âWHAT / OKâ
Heâs basically Lil Jon.
(Thatâs my then roommate J-Papp laughing in the background.)
- The Predators OT goal in the 2010 playoffs
Way before Nashville was Smashville, 81 was taking fucking souls. This is a forever goal.
- The âWE THE REAL ROCKSTARSâ pic with Duncan Keith in 2015
- The @MarianHossaSay Twitter account
Do you remember what Hossaâs personality was like before #MurderSkate, trolling opponents, horrible grammar, and an illogical love of MalĂśrt? Me neither.
- The kinda-geeky-kinda-cool celebrations
- The selfies
He barely even knew what the Internet was back in 2009.
- Him and his agent using some weird formula to pick his team in free agency
"When Marian hired us, one of his objectives consistently was to look for an elite organization to play for," Winter said. "We do a statistical analysis of performance to determine (elite teams)."
[...]
"You can, using statistical models, determine with a high degree of probability, the 100-point teams," Winter said.
Winter, with help from mathematical advisors, has determined exactly how many points a contending team needs from its top six forward group and top four defensemen, and the save percentage required from a goalie to become a 100-point team. Â For example, if all thresholds are met from the defensemen and goalies, a team that gets at least 143 goals from its top six forwards will get 100 points. According to Winter, that number has stayed true every year since the lockout. He has calculations like that for every position.
"I will make arguments to teams that they need a little more up front, that they need X, Y or Z and the models prove it out," he said. "It's a model we've developed using a little bit of Moneyball in hockey."
...uh, sure.
Speaking of math...
- The time the girl honored him on a math test and he rewarded her with his presence
Math can be used for good.
- Wearing âStone Coldâ Steve Austin jorts to the victory parade in 2015
- The Shrine
- The Valentine
- Toews hands Hossa the Stanley Cup in 2010
If god doesnât exist, she did that night. Hereâs what I wrote, reflecting in 2011:
With a much higher Redwings tolerance than the average Blackhawks fan, I found myself totally in Hossa's corner when Penguins fans turned on him after he decided to take his talents to Detroit Rock City in pursuit of a Stanley Cup for the 2008-09 season. When 'Wings fans did the exact same thing just one year later, I was about ready to roll with Hossa forever. I figured I might even have to regardless, as the Blackhawks signed him to a contract that was about 40 years long.
[...]
...Toews, after raising the Stanley Cup for the first time himself, gave it to Hossa to hoist second. It was chilling, deserving and it fit the celebration perfectly.
Watch the clip. Toews has the Cup in his hand and says in an almost threatening, professional wrestler-esque tone, "Where's Hoss?!" while other Blackhawks tell Hossa forcefully "Take it, Hoss! Take it, Hoss!"
No. 81 then raises the Cup, looking like a little kid while the NBC announcer poignantly says "you knew he was next" before he bows out and lets the moment carry itself. It was like Hossa was so happy, he didn't even realize he was about to hold the trophy until the second it touched his hands. He looks so completely surprised even though he knew he was about to have it handed to him. Hockey's just great for moments like that. They provide connection, and that's why Marian Hossa resonated.
The culmination of greatness. Big Hoss went on to make five Stanley Cup finals in eight years, play two-way like no one else, give bland as hell perfect interviews, and stabilize a dynastic run of hockey in Chicago. He joins MJ, Jermaine Dye, and Julius Peppers on the Mount Rushmore of coolest Chicago athletes. He is the â85 Bears, only the exact opposite/actually good. I can think of no bigger compliment.
So get well, 81. Please come back. It just canât be over.
We may not ever know if itâs better to burn out than fade away, but if this truly is the end, it almost feels like Marian Hossa was able to do both.
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Charlie Murphy: Americaâs Second Act
âThere are no second acts in American livesâ
If F. Scott Fitzgerald was right, Charles Quinton Murphy was the exception. But why listen to me? Iâll let our best storyteller tell it (from âThe Making of a Stand-Up Guyâ, 2011):
I didnât take the stage as a standup comic until I was forty-two years old. Before that, I ran with a street gang, did time in jail, served in the military, managed a rap group, sold screenplays to Hollywood for hundreds of thousands of dollars, and traveled the globe as head of security for one of the most famous comedians and box office stars ever â my younger brother, Eddie Murphy.
You know what no one is going to say but is absolutely true? Charlie Murphy was funnier than Eddie Murphy. Sure, Eddie had more commercial success and range, but Charlie Murphy was the fuckinâ truth. I would put his peak laughs, delivery, and style up against anyoneâs; thatâs how the older brother became the younger generationâs guy.
Which begs the question... could he have found success sooner if he had thicker skin?
Iâll be the first to admit: Iâm a dude who likes making people laugh, but I canât handle the feeling of being mocked and laughed at. And here I was, getting laughed at live on the radio... like I was some no-comedy bitch.
Itâs hard to say, but that story alone says so much. Here is a dude talking about his insecurities pursuing stand up and still being funnier than someone actually trying to tell conventional jokes. Which is odd, because removed from daunting initial attempts at comedy, he was a baaaaaaad motherfucker. He certainly wasnât ever afraid to stand up for his brother...
...or himself:
When fellow crew members confronted me about not participating in their homoerotic ocean rituals, I said, âLemme explain something to you fellas: Iâm not a member of your club, and Iâm not going to be. Who the fuck thought this shit up, anyway? As far as Iâm concerned, there is no correct reason that involves you guys handling my balls. Okay? From my perspective, if a group of sweaty, cheering men have their hands all over my balls and up my asshole, they are not, in my humble opinion, doing anything pertaining to my oath to the president. So if one of you motherfuckers touches me, Iâm killing you.â
But it always, always, always comes back to the art of the story with this dude. It has become very easy to distill the crazy famous Rick James sketch to soundbite Chappelle lines like âIâm Rick James, bitch!â or âFuck yoâ couch!â -- or even Jamesâ âCocaineâs a hell of a drugâ -- but the soul of those sketches come from the sequences with Charlieâs storytelling. Just him and the green screen.
-Â âThings escalated to the point where, you know, my man got too familiar, and I ended up having to whip his ass. You know, because, you know, he'd step across the line, habitually. He's a habitual line stepper.â
-Â âMaybe I shouldn't do nothing, but my ghetto side was going âYo, stomp this motherfucker out right here -- fuck is wrong with him?ââ
- âBecause of my complexion, he used to call me Darkness. He calls me and my brother Darkness. So the Darkness Brothers. See this is long before Wesley Snipes. Back then, we were the blackest n*ggas on the planet, according to Rick James.â
- (after the Murphy brothers stomp out Rick Jamesâ legs) âMy brother, you know, heâs a lot more compassionate than I am. Heâs looking, the limoâs driving off, and he says âWow, man. Rick really needs help.â And I was like âYo, we just gave him some help -- busted his fuckinâ ass. I bet you he wonât come over here and disrespect again.â Wrong. Wrong!â
Itâs the bravado, heightened attention to detail, and fully allowed license to exaggerate... because the set upâs already so impressive. Rembert Browne captured the power perfectly:
For two weeks in February of 2004, however, everything changed. For most people, the Rick James and Prince skits â titled âCharlie Murphyâs True Hollywood Stories,â fall in the Rushmore of Chappelle sketches. They are classic, unquestionable works of art. But what is easy to forget: they aired back-to-back weeks, the first two Wednesdays of the month. And for those two weeks, everyone took a backseat to Charlie Murphy, including the two legendary comics that he spent his personal and professional life supporting â Chappelle and his brother Eddie. For this brief moment, Charlie was the funniest man alive.
[...]
There was something about Charlie, where you just wanted him to win. He was so honest, mixing machismo, flickers of aggression, and pure self-deprecation to tell anecdotes like youâd never heard.
I will end this with one final quote from the man himself. His life is one that made me believe in karma, opportunity, and the idea that if you stay your truest self for long enough, people will eventually take notice.
âThings that arenât important tend to fall naturally to the wayside as you sharpen your focus on what it is you really want. I know there are tons of people in this world with more talent than me in every field Iâve pursued, but the hard work, tenacity, and seizing moments when they have been presented to me are what have always led me to good things. The best things.â
RIP, Charlie Murphy (1959-2017)
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My Top 132 Songs Of 2016
Previously: 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011
Havenât started writing this yet, but after peaking at 73 songs in 2013, then dipping to 67 and 71 the last two years, it is unbelievable we hit 132 (blame Spotifyâs easy ability to save music and create playlists).
I debated skipping around, but nahhh, letâs get it.
As always, the criteria/info:
This is a list of songs I personally like, not ones Iâm saying are the âbestâ from the year; more subjective than objective
No artist is featured more than once
If it comes down to choosing between two songs for an artist, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track; itâs not the ultimate factor, but it typically makes sharing the music easier
Speaking of... each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check out some for yourself
BOBBY VS. THE SONGS, FID
132) Kendrick Lamar - âuntitled 07 | levitateâ
Yeah, not gonna do the thing everyone else is doing where we pretend Kendrick is making amazing music with 2016â˛s throwaway release. I had to trudge through so much weird-and-not-fun stuff on âButterflyâ last year; itâs time to be done with it. Kendrick is obviously a top flight MC and could end up as an all-time great, but, like, come on -- this is from an EP of b-sides, itâs (probably) the best song... and itâs still not that memorable. How this record is ended up on so many year end best of lists mystified me.
131) Young Thug - âDrippin'â
Thugger spazzinâ around.
130) 2 Chainz f/ Lil Wayne - âGotta Lottaâ
Eh, this songâs aight; beat good, kinda sticks with you sometimes. Funny it should be listed as â2 Chainz & Lil Wayneâ -- peep the very creative album art -- yet ended up as a 2 Chainz solo feature (on technicality alone) due to Weezyâs ongoing label issues. These two play off each other well.
129) Real Friends - âMokenaâ
This song is good, but itâs... a little too angst-y at points.
128) Iggy Pop - âAmerican Valhallaâ
The best compliment I can give this song is it sounds unlike anything Iâve ever heard. Not a fun listen every time, but if you consciously immerse, it can definitely work.
127) The Avett Brothers - âAin't No Manâ
Good mom song; feels like fun. passed the torch with this one.
126) Paul Simon - âHorace And Peteâ
Louis C.K. got Simon to write a theme song for his dramedy âHorace and Peteâ, and the diminutive one came through in spades. I sometimes like to shoehorn in the f-word when singing along to help break up some of the seriousness. But yeah, this feels like a â60s classic even though itâs essentially brand new.
125) Frank Ocean - âNikesâ
The A.V. Club summed up my opinion of the Frank Ocean record with one swift line:Â âOn first listen, Blonde feels like a Cracker Jack box with no toy in it.â
Amen.
Donât get it twisted: I love Frank, still believe in Frank, and of course consider âchannel ORANGEâ to (objectively) be one of the greatest albums of this generation, but âBlondeâ? It didnât connect. Somewhat reluctantly, I picked this song for the list because it was the first one I heard, and it stands as a symbol of the initial hope which faded over a few listens. But when Ocean breaks in after all the high pitched singing, it does feel like a moment.
Also, this line will always stick:Â âRIP Pimp C / RIP Trayvon, that n**** look just like meâ.
124) DJ Khaled f/ Jay-Z & Future - âI Got The Keysâ
DJ Khaled is a talentless jackass, annoyingly ad libbing his way into our brains. Unfortunately, my personal favorite artist chooses to make listenable songs with him. Alas, No. 124. Jay slaying with âMy wife BeyoncĂŠ, I brag differentâ. Future... being Future.
123) Slim Thug - âKingâ
The always underrated Slim Thug, hanginâ out and tellinâ you about his life. Also lifting weights. Minus points for using the Pimp C sample Jigga used in âFuckWithMeYouKnowIGotItâ only three years ago.
122) American Football - âGive Me The Gunâ
This band will never hit for me as much as it does with cool/laid back guitar people, but I enjoyed this tune. And I wish my friend Luke were here to listen with me.
121) Craig Finn - âScreenwriters Schoolâ
Craig Finn, as slow and chill as youâll ever hear him.
120) Mikey Erg - â1001 Smashed Motel Roomsâ
Solid verses, big chorus, and you can almost, like, tell heâs bald by the voice (not an insult).
119) Cassadee Pope - âSummerâ
The former Hey Monday singer goes in on the strongest season.
118) The Cool Kids - âConnect 4âł
Itâs very difficult to write about The Cool Kids without using the word âcoolâ, but man, these guys have such a great interplay. Itâs not two separate dudes taking turns; itâs a glorious intertwine with true chemistry.
117) Third Eye Blind - âCop vs. Phone Girl"
This is our first song Iâd call an imperative listen. I say this because you need you to hear Stephan Jenkins sing âWhy's it so hard to say âBlack Lives Matterâ? / Doesn't mean that you're anti-white / Take it from me, I'm super fucking whiteâ.
He remains bulletproof.
116) Wakrat - âSober Addictionâ
I was positive this song was a jam after one listen, but Iâve listened 3-4 times since, and itâs gotten progressively worse each time. If thatâs not enough of a hook, the singer is the Rage Against The Machine bassist.
115) Owl Meet Rabbit - âThis Side Of The Nut Houseâ
A Christmas song with a âNational Lampoonâ reference.
114) YG f/ Drake & Kamaiyah - âWhy You Always Hatin?â
Still a little unclear why Drake keeps agreeing to be in YG songs. His verse references sliding into DMs.
113) Yo Gotti f/ Nicki Minaj - âDown In The DM (Remix)â
...and we also have a track titled after it. My biggest memory with this song will be feeling sick in an Uber from Chicago to Forest Park on, like, a weekday morning but still mustering the nerve to laugh at the chorus, which is egregious enough before the âbridgeâ of âSnapchat me that pussy, if itâs coolâ. Seriously. RIP, music.
112) The Dirty Nil - âZombie Eyedâ
This rips.
111) Microwave - âHomebodyâ
A good song that pulls you in further when the distortion gets bigger in the chorus.
110) AJJ - âTerrifyerâ
Some days, you're a member of Queen
Other days, you're a Kottonmouth King
Some days, you're Emilio Estevez
Other days, you're Charlie Sheen
109) Band of Horses - âCasual Partyâ
These guys are all smooth harmonies.
108) Fitz and the Tantrums - âHandClapâ
This song is pretty unoffensive, but itâs catchy enough to work.
107) Nothing - âThe Dead Are Dumbâ
âThe Dead Are Dumbâ -or- if the âTwin Peaksâ theme actually went somewhere.
106) Car Seat Headrest - âUnforgiving Girl (She's Not An)â
This band kinda reminds me of The Strokes; just a liiiiiitle less New York street and a tad more indie.
105) Vince Staples f/ Kilo Kish - âLocoâ
Vince got into the news this year after defending the mom who had an extreme distaste for his lyrics in 2015â˛s âNorf Norfâ. Letâs just say she also would not enjoy this one. His interplay with Kilo is on point.
104) GTA f/ Vince Staples - âLittle Bit of Thisâ
âey, itâs Vince again, and this one is stronger; somehow topping the high energy of âLocoâ with another level of fire-spitting.
103) The Living End - âMonkeyâ
The Aussies broke a 13 year album hiatus with 2016â˛s âShiftâ, and âMonkeyâ, one of the lead singles, did not disappoint. There will always be a place for songwriting like this.
102) Vic Mensa - â16 Shotsâ
This song is so raw and street and real. Sometimes you hear something, and it just cuts like a knife. Iâm talking a âStraight Outta Comptonâ level here. Mensa has thoughts on police brutality in Chicago, and he ainât holding back. He played this live on Kimmel, and his solemn-yet-wired energy could not be ignored.
101) Boyd & The Stahfools - âSummerlyâ
Some might say BATS sold out with this very commercial ode to Pollyannaâs raspberry wheat ale, but when you consume as much of it as those boys do, I say itâs legit art.
100) Macklemore & RL f/ J. Woods - âWhite Privelege IIâ
This is kinda like the Third Eye Blind message on Black Lives Matter, only the exact opposite. Itâs... quite heavy handed, and while I like that from Macklemore, I realize a lot do not. All I can say in his defense is, like, man, it really seems like this dude is trying, and he certainly attempted to involve the right people. If thatâs not good enough for you, I get it.
(Plus, he kinda digs on Iggy; throwing yâall a bone, just take it.)
99) Conor Oberst - âA Little Uncannyâ
Oberst sounds a ton like Bob Dylan in this one, but he also sounds a ton like Oberst. Itâs kinda like two massive folk tidal waves crashing into each other.
98) Cymbals Eat Guitars - âHave A Heartâ
CEG -- despite a terrific name -- have always made music that felt obtuse, but this is the first song that felt ready-made to, like, give normal people a window to check out the band.
97) Green Day- âBang Bangâ
Everyone wants to over-analyze Green Day. But if you donât do that, youâll enjoy this as a fast and easy pop-punk song. It plays at my gym sometimes, and I always kinda assume people are annoyed by it. To quote Josh from âHeavyweightsâ, this pleases me.
96) James Vincent McMorrow - âGet Lowâ
Chill/cool.
95) The Flatliners - âHang My Headâ
This wonât end up in their all-time Top 5, but itâs a good song, and it was nice to hear from this band in 2016.
94) AFI - âSnow Catsâ
This would sound right at home as a mid-tempo number on âSing The Sorrowâ.
93) Jay Electronica - â#TBE The Curse Of Mayweatherâ
Oof, what a shitty title. So, this is Jay Electâs âblast backâ at Kendrick Lamar after K-Dot slaughtered the rap game (and shit, maybe rap itself) in 2013â˛s âControlâ. But hereâs the thing... âControlâ was âControlâ. No one is topping âControlâ. No one is successfully going at âControlâ. Thatâs in its own stratosphere. Was it fun to see the enigmatic MC try? Sure. Did it make any type of impact? Eh, no. But I did enjoy the fake Kendrick voice.
92) The Dyes - âLoudmouthâ
Out of every song so far, Iâve found this the toughest to write about. My favorite part is probably the way the guitar and bass play off each other, but my second favorite part has to be how sinister and swaggery it sounds.
91) Big Sean - âGet My Shit Togetherâ
Maaaan, I missed Big Sean in 2016 after an extremely fruitful 2015. The few times he did surface -- on other peopleâs songs --Â he stayed in form, so youâll see more of him as this goes.
It feel like young Ray Allen with the white twins
90) Emeli SandĂŠ f/ Jay Electronica & Ăine Zion - âGardenâ
Serene, with a fitting Jay Elect verse.
89) Yumi Zouma - âHaji Awaliâ
Chiller than a Coleman.
88) Jimmy Eat World - âGet Rightâ
Weâve talked about this before, but JEW typically have sunny day feel good songs, or nighttime darkness-type songs; this oneâs the latter.
87) Into It. Over It. - âNo EQâ
Sooooo good; melodic and percussive and soulful. It tugs at your heart just the right amount.
86) The Front Bottoms - âJoanieâ
This really, really sounds like a Front Bottoms song, which I mostly mean as a compliment but also... am slightly worried about as it pertains to future material.
85) The Lumineers - âOpheliaâ
Would I like to steal this song and give it to a girl and say I wrote it to mega impress her? Uh, duh. Piano for dayz.
84) Viola Beach - âSwings & Waterslidesâ
Kinda a lighter version of the Arctic Monkeys;Â mostly the singing... but in a big way.
83) The Game - â92 Barsâ
Itâs sposta be a Meek Mill diss, but itâs basically Game freestyling about a buncha stuff over a workable beat. Some real solid lines, too. My favorites:
-Â âI can kill you in four bars, that's a Kit Katâ
-Â âLet me tell you who suck, like banana Now and Latersâ (haha)
-Â âGive me Left Eye back, take Fetty Wap and the Raidersâ
-Â âGum by them Yeezys, I'm the 6'5" Eazyâ (MVP bar?)
-Â âThis the Golden State and my shooters ain't on no hoop shitâ (coooold)
82) OMI - âHula Hoopâ
Iâmma give the write up here to my girl Alyssa Pawola, via her husband, Jeff Pawola (who watched the video after she was told the song reminded me of him):
She agreed with you!
She says it's because the singer dances similar to me and is a little goofy (compliment?), whereas all the girls around him are really good dancers (thus, her).
81) Joey Purp f/ Chance The Rapper - âGirls @â
If youâre not all-in on this song by the seven or eight second mark, then you can probably pass. HOWEVA, Chance and his 3 hat appear later on, so we call that incentive, young Bucky.
80) Vinnie Caruana - âI Donât Believe Youâ
The feels like a last-song-on-the-record kinda track.
/looks up if it was the last song on the record
...8 of 10!
(Close enough.)
79) No Lenox - âLeaveâ
This song is heart and blood, with a rare use of âfuckingâ from Chris Trott.
78) JANK - âVersace Summerâ
JANK is interesting. All of their artwork and motif make them seem like stoners (and maybe they are), but the music itself is so technical and synced. Like, you know theyâre trying and very capable. So as weird as seeing âVersaceâ next to âJANKâ might look, maybe itâs this high end brand that truly does fit their sound over, say, Faygo. But yeah, by the time this song is done, even though theyâve played the chorus a handful of times, you probably wouldnât mind a handful more.
77) White Lung - âDead Weightâ
This band is just the coolest shit. They always go so, so hard, but this time, thereâs a guitar playing mega bad ass leads to help even things out. I would believe you if you told me the guitar was also shooting lasers.
76) Descendents - âWithout Loveâ
Like The Living End, the Descendents have also been out of the âreleasing new recordsâ game for over a decade. And as jokey of a band as theyâve been in the past, this song has some of the same earnestness and vulnerability we heard on 2004â˛s âCool To Be Youâ.
75) Andrew Bird - âRoma Fadeâ
For sure a candidate for coolest song title of 2016.
74) LVL UP - âHidden Driverâ
This is too indie for its own good.
73) A$AP Ferg f/ Big Sean - âWorld Is Mineâ
Mostly included for Sean. Sorry, Ferg -- but you did give him the hook and a verse.
72) AM Taxi - âEnough To Feel Like Enoughâ
Like The Front Bottoms song from earlier, this AM Taxi song is very AM Taxi. But I ainât ever worried about AM Taxi.
71) Rozwell Kid -Â âBabyâs First Sideburnsâ
Not sure Iâve ever heard a weak song by this band.
70) PARTYNEXTDOOR f/ Drake - âCome And See Meâ
If you wanted to upset your love interest in 2016, hitting him or her with the âI hear you talkin' 'bout âweâ a lot, oh, you speak French now?â line was probably a good place to start.
69) Tancred - âBed Caseâ
Kinda â90s, right? Nice.
68) Thrice - âBlood On The Sandâ
Moderate take alert: I purport the Thrice singer sounds like Dave Grohl in this song, particularly during the chorus. Come at me with your agrees or disagrees.
67) MakeWar - âOdeâ
The dude on this bandâs album cover always reminds me of Rafa Nadal, which is weird, as Iâd argue he looks -20% like Rafa Nadal. This song has a downcast energy. I think I wanna see these dudes live.
66) PKEW PKEW PKEW - âAsshole Pandemicâ
Party punk, wooooo. You will not find a more circular 2016 lyric than âWhyâs this fuckinâ dick gotta be such a cock?â
65) Adam Friedman f/ Mike Posner - âLemonadeâ
blue eyes >>> brown eyes, Adam.
64) Matt and Kim - âLetâs Run Awayâ
As always-always-always, Matt and Kim are having more fun than we are.
63) Ariana Grande f/ Nicki Minaj - âSide To Sideâ
As recently as 40 days ago, I was emaling my friends about this track with the very loaded âIâm not sure this song is good at allâ.
My buddy Brianâs response will probably jar you like it jarred me:
Gotta say, I have a soft spot for this song. I think the beat is pretty banging and the subject matter is a plus. Like, we do have to acknowledge that she's walking side to side because she's been having sex with dude all night and day and now her vagina is too sore to walk like a regular person. I can dig that.
Well then.
62) With You. f/ Vince Staples - âGhostâ
Weird music video, but definitely my favorite version of Vince that we got in 2016.
61) Fifth Harmony f/ Ty Dolla $ign - âWork From Homeâ
I was listening to this song with my girlfriend the other day, and I said something like âThis song could really use a rap cameoâ. Enter: the very forgettable Ty Dolla $ign. Still, a fun, sexty song. Also, I believe this is our first -- and only? -- song to have over one billion YouTube views (!!!).
60) Masked Intruder - âIf Onlyâ
This made it over other MI candidates due to the Winnie Cooper reference.
59) Fat Joe, Remy Ma, Jay-Z f/ French Montana & Infared - âAll The Way Up (Remix)â
An easy chorus for sports teams to co-opt, as well as a âfuck off meâ Jay verse. He bucks âLemonadeâ, ups his products for the infinite time, and drops the mic after:
The OG's say, "Hov, how high is high enough?"
I said "'till we eye and eye with the higher ups"
Until we let 'em know, we ain't those n****s
Until our baby's showered in gold, n****
Blue looking like Pac in the tub
David LaChapelle levels of not giving a fuck
Prince left his masters where they safe and sound
We never gonna let the elevator take him down
Man.
Worry not, cockroach French is around to muck things up. Itâs salvaged by a real dope Remy Ma verse, though.
58) Al Scorch - âEverybody Outâ
The perfect soundtrack for escaping a busted speakeasy.
57) Tegan and Sara - âDying To Knowâ
This song makes the list because the âBoyfriendâ chorus was lazy as hell; it was like the âCloserâ chorus, version 2.0. Conversely, âDying To Knowâ has real emotion and a big, legit chorus.
56) Bloc Party - âThe Good Newsâ
A song I fear no one will like but me... but hey, my list.
55) New Lenox - âItâs Its Own Thingâ
This is a song I wrote (and drummed on) about how winter sucks. Itâs also about Chicago, being alone, finding someone, and using Banner Pilot to get through tough, frozen times. Shout out to Dave Rokos for singing the majority of the leads and Chris Trott for producing.
54) Julien Baker - âPhotoboothâ
I became enamored with the voice and talent of 21-year-old phenom Julien Baker throughout 2016, and though she released her debut album in 2015 (ALL TRACKS DISQUALIFIED, CHICA), she did drop this Death Cab cover for The A.V. Club this year, so I found a way to get her in the door. Now that weâre all here, Iâll give the floor to Deadspinâs Tom Ley:
What I did not expect was to like this version of the song so much that I now become visibly disgusted when I try to go back and listen to the original. Like all the good, thoughtful teens of my era, I spent a lot of time listening to Death Cab in my car, and I used to nod along pleasantly when âPhotoboothâ came on. But now Iâm just angry I ever wasted any time listening to a lesser version of the song. In my opinion, Death Cab should just turn their entire catalog over to Julien Baker and be done with it.
Ironically, I will be seeing Baker open up for Death Cab singer Ben Gibbard later this January.
53) Desiigner - âPandaâ
This is a bad song... but itâs incredibly listenable (for about 30 seconds, only it keeps going for a normal amount of time). It got upped on Kanyeâs album, which likely sparked public interest in this mumble rap disaster. Literally the best thing you can say is itâs a Future rip off -- and heâs not all that great to begin with.
/sadly looks up YouTube view total
190 million; Fifth Harmony is like âpshhhhâ.
Yet, âPandaâ somehow endures. It feels fresh, saying âpandaâ repatedly never seems to tire, and it burned down the dance floor at Brian Pawolaâs wedding this summer; old and young alike wanted to be pandas.
Now is also probably a good time to disclose my Halloween costume...
52) Cloud Nothings - âModern Actâ
Me, blogging about my excitement for the new Cloud Nothings album that drops in three weeks.
51) A Tribe Called Quest f/ AndrĂŠ 3000 - âKidsâ (no link)
Welcome back.
50) Run The Jewels - âTalk To Meâ
Havenât listened to RTJ3, but itâs only been out for, like, 10 days. Still, this song is as reliably dope as theyâve always been. I also felt compelled to include ATCQ and RTJ in these spots to ensure they were not above âPandaâ.
Brave men didn't die face down in the Vietnam muck so I could not style on you
49) Kevin Devine - âNo Historyâ
My aforementioned buddy Dave Rokos likes this song because of its big chorus, and Iâd also like to use it as a selling point.
48) Kings Of Leon - âReverendâ
For as big as Kings Of Leon are, I havenât really heard this song anywhere.
47) Rae Sremmurd f/ Gucci Mane - âBlack Beatlesâ
I always thought Rae Sremmurd were kinda meh (at best) and Gucci Mane was an idiotâs idiot (at absolute best), but this songâs a banger -- and this conclusion was reached prior to it going viral with the Mannequin Challenges. Speaking of... my 2016 Black Wednesday:
A video posted by Bobby L (@bobbystompy) on Nov 23, 2016 at 7:15pm PST
46) Grimes - âKill V. Maimâ
This song is straight out of a video game or action movie. Like, get ready to fight a boss or something.
45) Dave Hause -Â âWith Youâ
Heartfelt ballad that feels sprawled out across a few genres.
44) Robin Thicke f/ Nas - âDeepâ
What do we get when we combine a dude with no credibility and feature a dude with tons of credibility? A sneaky sizzling collab. And if you still got beef, remember: it ainât that deep.
43) Against Me! - âRebeccaâ
A lot of people have had this AM! song on their year end lists, and I wasnât seeing it, but after a few extra spins, it became pretty clear this was thee highlight from the album. Itâs got this kinetic energy, spinning out of control while somehow maintaining perfect balance.
42) Restorations - âSeeâ
Restorations make spectrum songs; ones you listen to while the world moves in slow motion at an airport reunion, while time stops after a death, or stretches out on an overly contemplative Sunday evening. What Iâm saying is, these dudes control the clocks.
41) Aaron West and the Roaring Twenties - âGreen Like The G Train, Green Like Sea Foamâ
Soupy from The Wonder Yearsâ solo project keeps -- PUN INTENDED -- chugginâ along with this one. Heâs singing in the same gear he always sings in, but the chorus and always trusty synced rhythms that break it in two definitely get me goinâ.Â
40) Titus Andronicus - âNo Futureâ
Titus Andronicus covering Craig Finn, and they add just the right amount of anguish to the proceedings. Thereâs such an obvious-yet-still-clever element to the âFebruaryâs about as long as it is wideâ line.
39) Rihanna - âNeeded Meâ (NSFW-ish video)
This song is good -- Mustard on the beat, natch -- but RiRi murdering a dude in the back of a strip club in the video might be better.
38) Jeff Rosenstock - âFestival Songâ
The former Bomb the Music Industry! singer dipped his toe in a few genres throughout his 2016 album âWorryâ, though Iâm not sure how to describe this one; itâs kind of spastic punk with some synthy keyboards and a catchy outro, strong enough to throw two capable haymakers as the song enters its final minute.Â
37) The Steve Adamyk Band f/ Colleen Green - âCarry Onâ
I hadnât even heard of this band a month ago, but âCarry Onâ has quickly become a favorite; toe-tappin' rock.
36) The Naked And Famous - âHigherâ
This band seems like theyâd have -- there is no better word Iâm so sorry -- epic concerts. Also, donât miss out on the âIn The Air Tonightâ-sounding fills.
35) Phantogram - âYou Donât Get Me High Anymoreâ
Brilliant drum samples, drug stuff, and a pop sensibility; you seriously could not ask for more.
34) Child Bite - âVermin Mentalityâ
This song is quite harsh, and I imagine if you had individual approval ratings for all 132 of these songs, it would very easily finish in the bottom five. That said, I think it rocks, and it reminds me of the Dead Kennedysâ best scenario.
33) Joyce Manor - âLast Youâve Heard Of Meâ
Sure, I reacted like a mom when I saw Barryâs new neck tattoo in the video, but the song was the redeemer. Recommended if you like the Everclear âSanta Monicaâ intro, marijuana makes you tired, or youâve found love in the parking lot outside a karaoke bar.
32) Cassino - âAlabama Songâ
If you did happen to listen to âVermin Mentalityâ, thisâll probably be the song to get that taste out of your mouth. I love its overall laid back vibe, even if what itâs about remains unclear after a good chunk of listens.
31) Direct Hit! - âWas It The Acid?â
This one lost several punk points after the singer revealed he did not use hard drugs. But still.
30) Bayside - âPretty Vacantâ
My buddy Brian Pawola doesnât like this song because of the teenage-y âI canât believe this is my life, Iâm pretty vacant all the timeâ chorus, but thatâs precisely why I do. Also, apparently the album itâs off of is called âVacancyâ, haha.
29) PUP - âFamiliar Patternsâ
Feels weird not picking a single, but this one was always my favorite; the same percussive power, shreddy singing, and unrelenting noise we got in their debut a few years ago. Also funny: they named their 2016 album âThe Dream Is Overâ, which is what the PUP singerâs doctor told him after diagnosing his vocal chord ailment.
28) Tokyo Police Club - âNot My Girlâ
Sometimes, I wanna tell non-punk fans TPC is what all punk rock sounds like, because even though the band has more of a pop-indie element, they do seem like the genreâs best case scenario more often than not.
27) The Falcon - âIf Dave Did Itâ
Feels like sacrilege picking a Dave Hause fronted track for my Falcon choice. After all, this is Brendan Kellyâs group, and after an EP and two full lengths, itâs Daveâs first ever time fronting a song in the band. But this song kept standing out. It also has a small drum solo, and even though basically all drum solos are bad, Neil Hennessyâs on the kit -- so you know youâre in good hands.
26) Chance The Rapper f/ 2 Chainz & Lil Wayne - âNo Problemâ
Chanceâs âColoring Bookâ was so positive and creative and multi-faceted that it feels a little wrong to pick a song thatâs more traditional rap with typical guests, but it really is the best song, you know? For whatever reason, Lil Wayneâs nonchalant verse was my favorite, with his initial bars being the highlight:
I got problems bigger than these boys
My deposits, they be on steroids
Lord, free the Carter, n****s need the Carter
Sacrificin' everything, I feel like Jesus Carter
But sure, we can also highlight funny 2 Chainz things:
- âInside of the Maybach look like it came out of Ikea / Run shit like diarrheaâ (oh my god)
- âAye, aye, captain / I'm high, captain / I'm so high / Me and God dappin'â (haha)
Also, if you donât raise-and-drop your arms for the âhuh! huh!â part before the beat kicks in at the beginning after âlobbyâ, youâre a monster.
25) David Rokos - âPacific Timeâ
Falling in lust with a California girl who has the keys to bomb ass hotel room overlooking the ocean? What self-deprecating heterosexual dude isnât signing up for this?
24) NOFX - âSix Years On Dopeâ
Thrash punk, with Fat Mike and Eric Melvin divvying up the vocals after arguing to start the song. Hereâs the July 2016 description I emailed to the gf:
So, the lead singer has kind of a flat, annoying voice, but then there's this guitarist who mostly does yell parts and not a lot of leads, but in this song, they both basically trade off yelling, and the guitar is blaring, and it just does not relent. They've released a million records at this point, but something about it feels so fresh. Like new blood has been infused into all of them.
You will like... 0% of this.
Her response:Â âHahaha. I wouldn't say that I hate this...but it's pretty close.â
23) Beach Slang - âFuture Mixtape For The Art Kidsâ
Of all the artists on this way-too-long list, I had the hardest time picking a Beach Slang song. This is probably because all of their songs sound the same. But as a writer earlier this year said, itâs still a good song. So true. I went with Track 1 from their album âA Loud Bash of Teenage Feelingsâ (this is the actual title) because it has the biggest chorus:
We're not lost, we are dying in style
We're not fucked, we are fucking alive
I hope I never die
Every Beach Slang song also has to include âdieâ or âaliveâ in the lyrics; this one gets both. Minor gripe: that vocal distortion you hear is an effect used on every other song on the 29 minute record.
22) Kid Cudi f/ AndrĂŠ 3000 - âBy Designâ (no link)
When you think too much, youâre removing whatâs moving
This song could literally be in a made up language, but the diction, beat, and Caribbean stylings from Cudi and 3 Stacks would still make you wile out. The full version appears to be nowhere on the free Internet, but I highly recommend finding it.
If youâre too lazy, peep Cudiâs âGoodbyeâ instead. Itâs a pump up track that samples 2Pac and Pink Floyd -- what could go wrong?!
21) Anderson .Paak - âCome Downâ
My buddy Ceebs used this as the entrance song at his wedding; he and his wife looked so cool.
20) The Weeknd - âFalse Alarmâ
Listen, I wanted to include âStarboyâ. But after shunning âThe Hillsâ for âCanât Feel My Faceâ in 2015, I wanted to pick the weird song over the poppier one this time, OK? This music video is so violent. I also really do wonder if this song has borderline punk elements.
19) Carly Rae Jepsen - âHigherâ
Just a Carly Rae âEmotionâ b-side cracking the Top 20, no big deal. Seeing CRJ in Milwaukee in March was my favorite concert of 2016; so much so that I saw her in Chicago the next day and even exchanged a shirt (...cutoffs) with the merch guy Iâd met already.
18) Brian Fallon - âRed Lightsâ
We have The Gaslight Anthem singerâs solo project here. This could definitely be a TGA song. âI only stop to tell her that I love her at the red lightsâ = unstoppable swoon.
17) Jay-Z - âSpiritualâ
I need a drink, shrink or something
I need an angelic voice to sing something
A song that shouldâve had a much bigger spotlight in an incredibly tumultuous year. I remember listening to this during the Dallas shootings, my heart absolutely breaking for the country. Here is the statement Hov released with the track:
16) Justin Timberlake - âCANâT STOP THE FEELING!â
Our Song of the Summer, 2K16.
The one critique you could give is maybe itâs a little too easy, a little too low hanging fruit, but my counter would be: who said pop music has to be terribly difficult? And if youâre still folding arms during the âCanât stop the fee-laaaaahnâ falsetto part, having fun probably isnât your bag.
15) Get Well Cards - âIs It Worth It?â
I think youâre trying to kill me, when you said youâd lick my wounds
I play drums on this jam, but itâs Dave Rokosâ songwriting that gives me all the feels. It always reminded me of a slightly more restrained âGood Thingsâ. This song is about sleeplessness, deep contemplation, and a deteriorating relationship; you donât know if you should do everything you can to hold on... or mercifully let it all go (âAnd they say time is all we have to give / And I think Iâve given you enoughâ... oof).
14) Resolutions - âDaily Trainâ
Blindly assumed this band was from Canada, but, upon further research, it looks like Germany. Hmm. The singer sounds like the Rise Against dude to me.
13) Mike Posner f/ Big Sean - âBuried In Detroit (Lucas Lowe Remix)â
Hunger > Strategy
The Mike Posner comeback was one of the more delightful storylines of 2016. Though I liked âIbizaâ quite a bit, I had a softer spot for the one with his fellow Michigander. This is my favorite Big Sean performance of the year, and Posnerâs verses and choruses are straight anthemic.
12) blink-182 - âRabbit Holeâ
Though we can all agree âBuilt This Poolâ is the best song of all-time (Travisâ âIs that really it?â = completely perfect), âRabbit Holeâ was a bit more well-rounded -- and itâs Matt Skiba getting in the mix in a blink-182 song (verse two); I canât believe weâre here.
11) Kanye West f/ Kendrick Lamar -Â âNo More Parties In L.A.â
In honor of its number on our dear list, my Top 11 favorite bars from this banging banger of a song...
11. Kanye:Â âAnd as far as âReal Friendsâ, tell all my cousins I love 'em / Even the one that stole the laptop, you dirty motherfuckerâ (heâs not over it)
10. Kanye:Â "My psychiatrist got kids that I inspired / First song they played for me was 'bout their friend that just diedâ (creepy, ominous)
9. Kanye: âHey baby, you forgot your Ray Bans / And my sheets still orange from your spray tanâ (very South Naperville)
8. Kendrick:Â âShe said she came out here to find an A-list rapper / I said baby, spin that 'round and say the alphabet backwardsâ (the young MC will not be slighted)
7. Kanye: "Thinking back to how I got here in the first place / Second class bitches wouldn't let me on first base" (those days are probably over, Yeezy)
6. Kanye: âGot pussy from beats I did for n****s more famous / When did I become A list? I wasn't even on a listâ (those days are also probably over, Yeezy)
5. Kendrick: âWell cutie, I like your bougie booty / Come Erykah Badu me" (thatâs just good game)
4. Kanye:Â âEvery agent I know, know I hate agents / I'm too black, I'm too vocal, I'm too flagrantâ (empowering)
3. Kanye:Â âI was uninspired since Lauryn Hill retired / And 3 Stacks, man, you preach it to the choirâ (golden)
2. Kanye: "Mulholland Drive, need to put up some god damn barricades / I be paranoid every time, the pressure / The problem ain't I be drivin' / The problem is I be textin'" (weâve all been there)
1. Kanye:Â âI be worried 'bout my daughter, I be worried 'bout Kim / But Saint is baby 'Ye, I ain't worried 'bout himâ (and weâll end with my favorite rap lyric of 2016)
10) Daya -Â âHide Awayâ
It took a few listens to realize how sublime this one is. The lyrics are solid, the beat is great, and they display some real patience with how the hi-hat notes are deployed, and it really helps control the flow of urgency (Posner uses this tactic in the âBuried In Detroit [Remix]â as well).
Also, donât sleep on its grocery store banger potential with the happier sounding and cutesy âTell me where the good boys goâ bridge.
9) BeyoncĂŠ f/ Kendrick Lamar - âFreedomâ (note: link is to the live performance)
This is big.
I remember when âLemonadeâ dropped, I was txting with my friend Buffalo Grove Tina (sheâd heard the album and I hadnât yet), giving her selective feedback as I was progressing through the tracks. She then sent a message that stuck with me every listen since:
Hooooooly buckets, she nailed it. The Just Blaze beat should be sent to the CDC, YoncĂŠ is breathing fire, and once you start to finally wrap your head around all of that, you get a K-Dot verse as icing on a cake that already had great cake and great icing. Itâs run-through-walls time.
8) Drake - âOne Danceâ (note: link is to the live version)
Drake has been so consistent with his output this decade, turning every year into a "Should I pick the hip-hop song or the pop song?" debate when it comes to list-making. This time, the pop song wins (or dancehall, really).
"One Dance" is a good joint to drink, dance, or sway to. There's a reason it became his most streamed song of all-time.
7) The Hotelier -Â âPiano Playerâ
What a beautiful piece of music. The warmness I feel during the âI donât know if I know love no moreâ is unmatched. Their album (âGoodnessâ) is one of the yearâs best.
6) Culture Abuse - âDream Onâ
This song is automatic pulverization. Like, about 80% of the way through, it tries to end but somehow can't. The chorus isn't ready to be done. Some have compared the singer's style to a robot, but I think it just sounds *cool*.
5) Japandroids - âNear To The Wild Heart Of Lifeâ
She kissed me like a chorus
Skeptics might hate on this song for sounding like a retread of their sound from 2012's legendary album "Celebration Rock", and even non-skeptics may roll their eyes at the "I used to be good, but now I'm bad" line. But I shun these trigger happy notions. Enough time has passed since âCRâ, and I was ready for this band to come back; beyond ready. This song gave me everything I was missing during the Japan-void.
/walks out of the room with an unflinchingly straight face
4) Pusha T f/ Jay-Z - âDrug Dealers Anonymousâ
My pick for the best hip-hop track of the year. No choruses, no trade offs; itâs one long Pusha verse, then one long Jay verse -- the best rap verse of 2016, by my count. Pushaâs is galvanizing too, though. He paints pictures, conjures the Flint water crisis*, and sets up a bowling pin for the GOAT to roll one at...
/deep breath
Just, like, fuck, man.
JAY-Z IS SO GOOD AT RAPPING WORDS
Shawn Corey Carter doesnât walk, he weaves. He doesnât blast, he shoots silenced. Iâd love to use the word âetherâ to describe the verse but wonât out of respect. What doesnât it have? I donât know. Hereâs what it does have: Tomi Lahren she gone, drug dealer stuff, rich guy stuff, historical and pop culture references (Iâll defend the âDamn, Danielâ line to the death), and this piece of divinity: âYâall think Uberâs the future, our cars been autonomousâ.
Sometimes all I can do is put my head down, bite my lip, and bob when this song comes on; lucky to be alive, like always.
(* - Pusha apparently donated water to the city but wanted it nameless, rationalizing it in the song with: âAnd I canât even mention what I sent or what I spent / Cause my name in 18 wheelers is evidenceâ)
3) Modern Baseball - âApple Cider, I Donât Mindâ
MoBoâs âHoly Ghostâ was a little uneven as an album, but Iâm just happy to have singer Brendan Lukens here with us after his bout with depression, substance abuse, and suicidal thoughts. By the time he got back to the studio after rehab, he was ready to give us at least a little insight into his psyche -- and itâs desperate, scary, and beautiful. My favorite overall musical moment of 2016 is the pleading âI canâtâ he hits at the 1:15 mark of this one.
Clocking in at a tick under two minutes, this song almost feels incomplete in a way that 2014â˛s âRock Bottomâ (2:14 itself) didnât. Itâs like Lukens wants to sprint so hard he passes out, worrying not as much about finishing the race but instead focusing on giving the audience all of himself while in the booth.
2) Pinegrove - âNew Friendsâ
Hit me, Spin:
Pinegrove are almost radically likable, soft-spoken in a year of grandiose statements, filling a void that only existed in retrospect.
Damn straight. I hadnât even heard of these guys at the start of the year.
This goes from indie folk to a Weezer-y outro with only a short build up, but the songwriting and lyrics are in a style all their own, really. Thatâs it.
1) The Menzingers - âLookersâ
When this dropped, my buddy Chris Trott emailed me what he always emails me when a new song piques our interest: âHoly good god damn this is good. This is like 'I believe in music again' good.â
Shortly after, I remember leaving work for lunch and bumping the song for the first time in a parking lot. I wrote him back: âWas staring at this brick wall while listening and the first thought that popped into my head was something like 'It feels like they are taking my soul out of my body and splattering it on that wall' (in the best way, of course).â
Nostalgic verses, massive Jersey chorus, an âOn The Roadâ reference, and the desire to want more of these songs even after you were just given everything in a single installment.
This god damn band.
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66 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2016
Below are my favorite quotes from 2016. Though most occurred during the year, some took place before but were encountered during.
1) "Indiana. I wouldn't live there if I did live there." - cop, to his partner, Treme
2) âA wrong decision is better than indecision.â - The Sopranos
3) âTrue writers salvage every experience, no matter how grim â that is, if theyâre lucky enough to first salvage themselves.â - Maureen Corrigan
4) âAmericaâs greatest promise is that something is going to happen, and after awhile you get tired of waiting because nothing happens to people except that they grow old.â - F. Scott Fitzgerald
5) âWhere we come from, what we go through, how we go through it â all that shit matters. Like, at the end of the book? Boats and tides and all? Itâs like, you can change up. You can say you somebody new. You can give yourself a whole new story. But what came first is who you really are.â - DâAngelo Barksdale (The Wire), on The Great Gatsby
6) âMy sex drought might soon be old enough to consent to sex.â
7) Red Smith said there was nothing to writing. âAll you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.â
8) "Measure yourself only against your previous self." - @GSElevatorÂ
9) Several years ago, long before the Deflategate investigation and his fourth Super Bowl victory, Brady made it part of his pregame ritual to run onto the field for warm-ups while Jay Z's "Public Service Announcement" blares from the speakers inside Gillette Stadium. You can tell it's one of his favorite parts of game day by the way he pumps his fist, bounces on the balls of his feet and acknowledges the rabid Patriots fans already in the stands. Against the Chiefs, he trotted the length of the field slowly, knowing it might be his last chance to soak in the atmosphere of Gillette Stadium this season. When he reached the end zone, he roared, slashing the air with a vigorous punch. Kansas City tight end Travis Kelce, looking on from a few yards away, mocked Brady with a celebration of his own, punching the air and bobbing his head. Brady glanced at Kelce, acknowledging he had seen the gesture, but jogged away in a manner suggesting that lions do not concern themselves with the opinions of sheep.
Brady insists "Public Service Announcement" has no grander meaning. Jay Z is just an artist he enjoys. But it's natural to listen to the lyrics and wonder if the song's interlude doesn't resonate, now, on a deeper level.
Before I finish, let me just say
I did not come here to show out
Did not come here to impress you
Because to tell you the truth, when I leave here, I'm gone
And I do not care what you think about me
The end is coming. It's not coming as fast for Brady as it is for Manning, but it always comes faster than everyone believes it will. That's the story of sports. Still, it's not yet time for reflection. A career eulogy would enrage him. But the best vegetables and the smartest body guru and a genius head coach cannot hold back the tide forever. Brady even said as much this year after being called robotic. "I'm a human," he said. "There's no doubt. I'm definitely human."
-- Kevin Van Valkenburg
10) âI'm a motherfucking genius, god damn it / I ain't the type to murder you, I'm more the type to plan itâ -Â Drake
11) "A lot of tennis fandom boils down to two things -- who you like, and who beats the person you like." - Bill Connelly
12) "I was just standing there kind of watching her playing." -Â Agnieszka Radwanska on Serena Williams (after losing 6-0, 6-4)
13) âThis goes out to all the Ted Cruz fans.â - Scott Lucas of Local H, before playing the âHands on the Bibleâ
14) âThereâs always going to be another question.â - Sam Frank, on breakups
15) âIâve been trying to come up with a way for me and my friends to play Russian roulette without anybody dying.â - Hannibal Buress
16) âIâm trying to figure out how many strangers I have to have empty sex with before I propose to my ex-girlfriend.â - Hannibal Buress
17)Â âYou say you never saw this cominâ and youâre not alone
Million-dollar renovations to a happy home
My ex says she gave me the best years of her life
I saw a recent picture of her, I guess she was right
âwhich made me laugh out loud for a solid 30 seconds, to the point where I walked into another room just to enjoy the experience of laughing in that room, also." - Rob Harvilla on Kanye Westâs â30 Hoursâ
18) "From the beginning Scott Fitzgerald wrote about the things and the people that he knew. His early material was trivial, and like the youngsters of whom he wrote, he was himself rudderless, borne swiftly along on a stream that empties into nothingness. But from the outset his perceptions were keen, his feeling for words innate, his imagination quick and strong. There was vitality in every line he wrote. But he had to get his own values straight before he could properly do the work for which he was fitted, and the process took heavy toll of his vitality.
Fitzgerald's career is a tragic story, but the end is better than it might have been. And I think he will be remembered in his generation."Â
-- J. Donald Adamâs 1941 review of Love of the Last Tycoon, Fitzgeraldâs final, unfinished novel
19) âIâm a shooter -- I donât remember my misses.â - Dell Curry
20) âWhenever I write any song I always want it to strike the exact point where happiness turns to sadness. That is the ultimate bullâs-eye. I love a super happy song where all of a sudden thereâs just one phrase and youâre like, âOh, this is actually heartbreaking.â You know that episode of The Simpsons when they freeze Ralph Wiggum on the TV and theyâre like, âLook. You can actually pinpoint the moment when his heart breaks.â Thatâs what Iâm going for every time; that moment. And you miss it a lot, right? But when you hit it, it really feels good.â - Brendan Kelly
21) âWhat do you do?â
âI work out, and I fuck my wife.â
22)Â âYour looks are legend, and the legend is trueâ - The Aquabats
23)Â âA desire not to butt into other peopleâs business is eighty percent of all human wisdom.â - Stranger In A Strange Land
24)Â "Don't rely on jokes in a scene. People don't speak jokes. Write behavior. Find the humor in that." - Garry Shandling
25)Â âI only want murder worthy kicks.â - Garrett Smith
26)Â âGod grant me the dgaf to lol at the things I canât even, the swag to yolo the things I can, and the lifehacks to know the difference.â - Brandon Hays
27)Â [BREAKING: Mississippi's governor signs law allowing employers to refuse service to gay couples.]
Gay people are very, very real and God *probably* doesn't exist...but ya know... ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
-- Chris Sorrell
28) âThe Life of Pablo feels to me like the end of the line. Or, maybe not the line, but a line Kanye has been on since 808s and Heartbreak. This is where Kanye's music is finally eclipsed by his persona, and I suspect there will be no going back. Now, I know lots of people argued that this happened with Yeezus, but the music on that record -- particularly âBlack Skinheadâ, âBlood on the Leavesâ, and âBound 2Ⲡ-- could exist in a vacuum and still punch you in the gut. This, to me, is different. This record is all narrative and virtually no music. TLOP demands that you (the hardcore fan/average listener/the music thinkpiece industry) supply your own rationale for its existence -- failing that, I'm sorry, but this album makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Take away the tweets and the memes and the MSG party and that awful/fascinating SNL performance and TLOP is a series of confused (and plain confusing) digressions in search of a fully engaged narrator. It's a term paper written by a whiz-kid procrastinator who crammed at the last minute and may in fact no longer be interested in school.â - Steven Hyden
29) âIâm not even gonna say rest in peace because itâs bigger than death. I never met the man (I was too nervous the one time I saw him) and I never saw him play live, regrettably. I only know the legends Iâve heard from folks and what Iâve heard and seen from his deep catalog of propellant, fearless, virtuosic work. My assessment is that he learned early on how little value to assign to someone elseâs opinion of you.. an infectious sentiment that seemed soaked into his clothes, his hair, his walk, his guitar and his primal scream. He wrote my favorite song of all time, âWhen You Were Mineâ. Itâs a simple song with a simple melody that makes you wish you thought of it first, even though you never would have - a flirtatious brand of genius that feels approachable. He was a straight black man who played his first televised set in bikini bottoms and knee high heeled boots, epic. He made me feel more comfortable with how I identify sexually simply by his display of freedom from and irreverence for obviously archaic ideas like gender conformity etc. He moved me to be more daring and intuitive with my own work by his demonstration - his denial of the prevailing modelâŚhis fight for his intellectual property - âSlaveâ written across the forehead, name changed to a symbol⌠an all out rebellion against exploitation. A vanguard and genius by every metric I know of who affected many in a way that will outrun oblivion for a long while. Iâm proud to be a Prince fan (stan) for life.â - Frank Ocean
30)Â "When your mom dies you're the best memory of her. Everything you do is a memory of her." -- Alice Oswalt, 7
31)Â Read the entire statement (which opens with a very on-brand anecdote about the Replacements) below. And look forward to Beach Slangâs second studio album, which, if everything goes according to plan, will likely (and thankfully) be out this fall.
âWesterberg was playing his favorite guitar [âŚ]. Suddenly, he grabbed it by the body and slammed the neck down on the amplifier and splintered it completely. Afterwards, soundman Brendan McCabe approached him in shock: âPaul what the hell did you do that for. How could you wreck that guitar? You loved that thing.â âWell thatâs the difference between me and you Brendan,â he told him. âYou cherish things you love. Me? I destroy them.ââ
The first time I read this part of Trouble Boys, I thought, âFuck, maybe thereâs really something to that. Maybe thereâs romanticism in destroying the things you love.â Or maybe Iâm just a messed up kid who thinks he never deserved any of this. I donât know. After I left the stage in Salt Lake, thinking I was ending Beach Slang, I was walking down the street, back to the hotel, when a girl from the show ran up to me, hugged me so sincerely, and said, âDonât do this. We need you.â Straight away, I realized I was wrong. There is nothing sweet, there is no light, and there is nothing romantic when the thing you love is broken.
Salt Lake, for the car crash last night and Boise, for fumbling on you, I am gigantically sorryâeven bigger than that. I am going to make good on making it up to you. Cross my heart.
This, and all of you, mean too much to me. I love you with thunder. I love you all the way.
So, yeah, Seattle, we are still coming to your good city, wild-eyed and ready, our hearts bashed back into shape.
If youâre still in, we are.
For usâall of us,
James Alex [after the near breakup of Beach Slang]
32)Â Tyrion tells Missandei and Grey Worm, âA wise man once said a true history of the world is a history of great conversations in elegant rooms.â âWho said this?â âMe, just now.â
-- Game Of Thrones
33)Â âIt's not a problem till it's a problem.â - Dave Jacobi
34)Â âI don't want to be champagne drunk trying to deal with your tears and regret!â - Lindsey Back
35)Â âGet drunk or commit suicide.â
36)Â âThe strong come out in the clutch.â - Brian Pawola, on a Sunday in Nashville
37)Â "Baggage claim angst is still a hundred times worse than overhead bin angst." - Drew Magary
38)Â "All the wrong people hate themselves." - Sam Grittner
39)Â âMaking history, not reliving itâ - Chelsea banner I saw in Ann Arbor
40)Â Zach: Do you think LeBron James knows how to use a Microsoft Excel Spreadsheet? I donât think he does, yet the dude is a billionaire. Unreal.
Drew Magary: The only way he knows it is if they forced him to learn about it in school, and even then I doubt it because five hundred other people in the schoolâstudents, coaches, teachers, administratorsâprobably would have been willing to learn it for him. If you know Microsoft Excel, that means youâve almost certainly worked a dead-end office job, tallying up sales figures like a bloodless drone and deriving only the smallest of thrills from hitting ENTER on the AutoSum function. Everyone who knows that program also knows the depths of existential loneliness.
41)Â âYoung liquor will take the place of young blood.â - F. Scott Fitzgerald
42)Â âBeing an adult means knowing when.â - Jeremy Papp
43)Â "Remember the rule of tall/skinny guys and cool black guys: everything fly does not look fly on everyone.â - Me
44)Â âProtests that donât offend arenât worth the effort. The ones that do are the ones that can change the world.â - Bomani Jones, on Colin Kapernick
45)Â âThereâs no such thing as should -- everyone is unique.â - Mike Healy
46)Â âThey have outfits they actually believe in.â - Fat Mike, on The Misfits (while playing for the also uniformed Me First and the Gimme Gimmes)
47)Â âItâs just that the older I get, the more I believe that being quirky is sort of common and boring. Everybody has quirks. An intense curiosity about museums, classical music, and books doesnât make you unique. People have been caring about that shit for literally hundreds of years. What is weird is being really, really popular.â - Steven Hyden
48)Â âBut for most of my twenties there was nothing I loved more than getting high while driving around in my Toyota Corolla. When I was single and working as a reporter at my hometown newspaper, my weekend routine was to get hammered in my apartment until nine or ten, then go out to bars with friends and get extremely hammered. I drank like I was a character in a Cassavetes film: hard, fast, and with great instinct.â - Steven Hyden
49)Â âPunk is whatever fourteen-year-olds say is punk.â - Legs McNeil
50)Â âIn the world before the Internet, which Iâm just old enough to remember,â says English troubadour Frank Turner, âI used to find out about new bands by cross-referencing liner notes to see who got thanked. If a band got thanked three times, I knew they must be pretty good and I should buy their albums. Bad Religion got thanked a lot. They were a seminal band. They still are.â
51)Â "Being human only lets us see a little farther than animals" - NOFX
52)Â "Freedom is just another word for missing someone" - Hank Moody, definitely quoting someone else
53)Â âChildren are born into all kinds of shitty circumstances: war, poverty, oppressive regimes, the late â90s music scene...â - Drew Magary
54)Â âDuring the Vietnam War, every respectable artist in this country was against the war. It was like a laser beam. We were all aimed in the same direction. The power of this weapon turns out to be that of a custard pie dropped from a stepladder six feet high.â - Kurt Vonnegut
55)Â âBy saying no to one thing, youâre saying yes to something else.â - Tas Melas
56)Â âThey say Robert Johnson made a deal with the devil to sing the blues, but I think everyone who sings about their sadness does, even if they donât realize it until later.
[...]
One of the complicated truths of being a music fan is that you hold the artists who spoke to you in your lowest moments to the highest standards." - Lindsay Zoladz
57)Â âYâall think Uberâs the future, our cars been autonomousâ - Jay-Z, from Pusha Tâs âDrug Dealers Anonymousâ
58)Â âIâm more like Brianâs mom. I gave him life.â - CJ Oltman
59)Â âYou give everyone else your power when you start reacting to everything they say. I wouldnât change places with anybody.â - Tom Brady
60)Â âActually, it was more like watching an upset in real time and slowly realizing that the underdog never should have been an underdog at all.â - Drew Magary, on Donald Trump winning the 2016 presidential election
61)Â "The single metric I wish we had," he told them, âis the sum total of the scores of every game you've ever played. One-on-one, two-on-two, your little sister, your kids, five-on-five, scrimmages, preseason, playoff games." He paused. "I don't know what that would say, but I suspect it would be awesome. I suspect it would say that Kobe Bryant is Genghis Khan."
-- Sam Hinkie
62)Â âI did all the âtouristyâ things, which I'm sure if you did a quick Google search you can find what to do. All that jazz is fine and fun, but getting drunk is what I did best.â - Brian Pawola, on Munich
63)Â "Each generation is always incomprehensible to the next." -- Lenny Bruce
64)Â "One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we've been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle.
We're no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us.
Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back."
-- Carl Sagan
65) âPerfection is achieved not when thereâs nothing more to add, but when thereâs nothing left to take away.â - Antoine de Saint-Exup��ry
66)Â "New Year's Eve is every man's birthday." - Charles Lamb
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If you had to live in another century, excluding the 1900's, which would you choose?
Could I pick the 2000â˛s? Or is that not the spirit of the question? I would go 1800â˛s if not. Keep me as close to the present as possible, man.
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