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shkudss · 1 year

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Weakened by Eywa Pt. 6

Masterlist

Summary: Ao'nung finally realizes that his actions have consequences

Warnings: curse words, bullying, mental breakdown, English isn't my first language

Author's note: guys I was literally dying from the high temperature this night, bu I got so inspired that I wrote the last chapter! I tried to share with you their feelings, how they act and everything. I hope you will like it🫶🏻

Txe’lan - heart

“Ao’nung! Where’s Ao’nung?” You were running around the village, looking for him. You talked to Neteyam yesterday and he said that you need to confess your feelings despite the fact that he’s not really satisfied by her choice. He supported you. You’d been thinking about it almost all day and now you finally found the courage to do that.

“Why are you screaming?” Roxto noticed you, he came closer to you.

“Do you know where’s Ao’nung? I can’t find him.” You were anxious and excited at the same time.

“I think he went swimming. Last time I saw him, he was going to swim somewhere, but I’m not sure. It’s that way.” Roxto pointed in direction of that stone where you were together last time.

“Okay, thanks!” You didn’t want to loose time and ran to Ao’nung. You pray to Eywa he’ll be there by the time you’ll come.

Your way there didn’t take a lot since you used ilu for this. You could see Ao’nung’s figure sitting on the stone and looking at the sunset. Just like yesterday. His aquamarine eyes shining under the gold sunlight.

“Ao’nung!”

His thoughts were interrupted by your voice. At first he thought it was his imagination, but you called him second time. He tuned his head to you.

“Y/N? What are you doing here? Something happened?” He stood up, helping you to climb up and examining you. The first thought he had was that something bad happened to you. You looked really nervous.

“No, I just…” your breath was out of control, you needed some time to calm down. “I was looking for you, Ao’nung.”

His eyes widened, he felt something is coming. You were about to talk about that kiss and your feelings. And to be honest, Ao’nung was scared to death to hear your answer. He knew that his actions were too emotional and he didn’t think about consequences.

“Why?” He whispered, looking straight into your eyes.

“I wanted to tell you something.” You gently took his hands in yours.

Here we go.

His end.

“If you want to tell that you don’t want me to come close to you or something like that, please just go. I can’t bear these words.” He almost bagged you, slightly squeezing your hands.

”Do you have feelings to me?” Your heartbeat raised and you looked at him.

“I love you, Y/N.” His voice was so soft, it melted your heart.

“Because, I think… I don’t love you.”

That’s it.

His head and ears dropped, hands almost let go yours. Ao’nung could say that his heart stopped beating the moment you said these words.

“I don’t love you, but I definitely have feelings for you.” You just breathed life into him. You saved his heart and gave it hope. “I don’t know how it turned out after our past, but I think I have feelings for you. It’s not a strong one as love, but maybe…” you were too shy to tell this, avoiding his attentive gaze. “Maybe it’ll get stronger if I get to know you better.” By the end of this sentence, your voice almost tailed away. You were so afraid to look at Ao’nung and kept examining your fingers and ground, until his finder touched your chin and lifted your head.

“I will do anything to grow this feeling in your heart, Y/N. Just give me a chance, I won’t disappoint you. Not anymore.”

“I trust you my heart. Please, don’t hurt it.”

You were scared about unknown things that are going to happen between you and Ao’nung. You have no idea if your relationships will work. But you feel that you have to trust him. You have to give both of you this chance.

He looked you in the eye carefully. Trying to find answers for million questions in your amber eyes. His hands gently holding your face, thumb softly rubbing your cheek.

“I won’t, ma txe’lan. If I hurt you, I would suffer myself. I understood it the hard way.”

All you could do is nod, because tears were dripping down. This moment felt so special and intimate, you wished it never ended. Ao’nung leaned slightly towards your face, covering you with his breath.

“May I do the first step?”

“Yes.” You whispered, trying to remember every detail of this moment.

He slowly approached to you and you closed your eyes. At the same second you could feel his warm lips on yours. Butterflies in your stomach woke up. His lips softly crushed yours, Ao’nung didn’t want to put pressure on you and tried to be gentle as you’re the most fragile flower he’d ever seen.

When both of you were out of breath, you leaned your foreheads against each other. Bright smiles lighted you faced. You shared you breathes. Your hearts beat in unison.

And even if you don’t have strong love to him, everything is obvious.

You’re connected.

Forever.

“I see you”

————————————————————————

A/N: OMG WE DID THIS. They’re finally in love and peace😭 I hope you loved it and felt all their emotions! This was the last part, so I’ll start writing something new✨

If you want to be tagged in my other works, please comment this post or text me! If couldn’t tag those who are highlighted in red🥲

Taglist: @elegantkidfansoul @ijwsbdinp @universal-s1ut @myh3artt @lynbubble @jjkclub @kenzi-woycehoski @marvellover4 @ssc7514 @stvrligghtt @johfaam @simplecole18 @flavaliz @chrisbelle @bajadotcom @jak3suiiyscvmslvt @a--1--1--3 @roxannedaybreakermidnight @aonungmyaddiction @neteyamsmate4life @boilingpots @fanboyluvr @zilena9 @maxie8life @makiis2mk @damscore @yeosxxx @imnyira @neytirisblog @adaiasafira @oceanstar19 @lovedbychoi

#ao’nung x you #aonung x y/n #aonung #aonung imagine #aonung x oc #aonung x you #aonung x sully!reader #ao’nung #aonung x reader #aonung fanfiction #ao’nung x sully!reader #ao’nung x y/n #ao’nung x reader #neteyam x sister!reader #loak x sister!reader

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fastlikealambo · 2 years

Text

link to chapter one.

link to chapter two.

link to chapter three.

link to chapter four.

Fall of 94′: Eddie Munson x Black Reader Chapter 5

summary:

it’s been nearly 8 years since the events of hawkins and out of the entire party, the only one to stay behind is the one and only eddie munson. with a five year old daughter in tow, his life is a simple one, still trying to escape the dark cloud over him that never went away.

but when all too familiar hellish events start happening again eddie must team up with his daughter’s favorite and mysterious new teacher to protect his little girl and the town he owes nothing to.

warnings: violence, gore, religious trauma, soft dom! eddie, discussions of mental health and ptsd, praise kink, childhood trauma, smut to end all smut, hawkins indiana is a warning to me.

minors dni, I check.

The passage of time was an incredible beast, Eddie couldn’t remember what he had for breakfast yesterday but recounting the story of Chrissy Cunningham was as easy as breathing to him.

He hadn’t done it since the spring of 86, recounting each and every detail to a government agent and friend of the psychic girl with the shaved head that everyone had already known as El. They cleared his name but no matter what he did, his hands still shook at the mention of her name and turned his legs to jello whenever he had a passing thought over his senior year.

But this time around, there was someone holding his hands as he told the tale of 1986, two tired and feverish hands squeezed his in comfort, attentive as he spared no shortcuts, every and every detail spilling out of him.

“And that thing that almost killed us on the road, the bat, was it a part of the same creature that killed Chrissy?” You asked, wanting to make sure you had all the details right.

“ The same one that Rosie saw. ”

“So she saw the bat but nobody else did, I saw Chrissy but nobody else did, but we both saw the bat and it attacked. They’re all connected, in what way I don’t know yet.”

“ If Vecna is back, there’s nothing I can do to stop him. It took all of us the last time and I can’t ask the others to come running back here, not after everything they’ve been through. If anything happened to Rosie, I could never forgive myself. “

“ You can’t think like that.”

“Why not? How do we know this isn’t happening because of me? This is all my fault, I should have left with Rosie but instead I made her a target. ” Eddie folds in on himself, hands in his hair but you gently remove them placing them in your lap instead.

“I know I don’t know you very well but whatever’s happened in 86 wasn’t your fault and what’s happening now isn’t either. You’re a good man Eddie and you both are going to be okay.” You said, throwing your arms around him, wrapping you both in the blanket.

For a while you just sit there and let him cry, your grip on him just as tight as his grip on you. Puffy eyes and nose red, he lets you go, his hand on your forehead.

“I think my breakdown broke your fever. How are you feeling?”

“Better, exhausted. It’s been awhile since I’ve used my powers like that, my body wasn’t ready for the kickback.”

“ You know, you can tell me anything. I just told you I was a part of an operation run by children to take down an inter-dimensional monster, nothing you say will make me head for the hills. Or you can tell me absolutely nothing, I’m not owed anything I don’t have consent for.”

You had a certain set of rules to follow.

Keep your head down.

Take the pills.

Be good at your job and come straight home, nothing else.

Relationships lead to questions, questions to lead to police, police lead back to Mama.

But nothing could prepare you for the kindness of a stranger and the yearning for the softness you had every single right to but never, ever, offered for yourself.

Could you risk it for just the tiny bit of relief that comes with laying a burden down?

“I-

The words die on your lips as the words as Eddie’s overhead lights flicker on and off above you.

“What’s that, what’s happening?”

Eddie’s hand is back in yours as you both look at the ceiling, eyes wide.

“Someone is in The Upside Down.”

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x black!reader #eddie munson x yn #eddie munson #stranger things fanfiction

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deadpuppetboi · 2 years

Note

How does Cash react to Mr. Nasty finding out about his son? And does he try to track them down at Bullworth?

It started with tape.

A cassette tape that is.

It was just laid on his desk, in his office, right in his workplace.

Thinking it was nothing, Jon threw it away, going back to his papers to settle other disputes. He would forget the tape the same day, helping his coworkers to fix a problem a newbie made. The day after, the tape was placed on his desk again, only this time, writing was on it.

‘Play me, dumbass.’

There was a cassette tape next to it, a hand-drawn arrow where the tape should be placed in. Another on the play button, it's so ridiculous that Jon had to take notice.

It's obvious, it should have been in the beginning, but he figured he’d deal with it at home.

At home, it had been way past midnight, one hour spent taking care of work and the other driving back. The tape and cassette player were still near him, being carelessly thrown on the kitchen counter he figured to ignore it again.

But he didn't, he couldn't, something was telling him to play the tape.

He placed the tape inside the cassette player, closed it, then pressed the play button.

What he heard next shocked him.

“How are you feeling?”

“Leave me alone, please.”

He didn't believe it at first; his mind blanked out, his body being stuck in one spot while he held his breath.

He knew that voice.

Despite his entire body tingling by the minute, he listened on, like he was in a trance.

“This is part of your treatment, “the voice went on, one the man had never heard of.

“My treatment, really? Good.” She sounded sarcastic, almost drilling the irony of the entire situation.

“Yes, your treatment, you know that.”

“It seems to be doing me a lot of good. You guys certainly know about right and wrong, thanks.”

The more the two talked the more Jon sunk within himself, that unsettling feeling he’s had for years then weighing on his shoulders.

“Do you ever want to go back to work?”

He remembered that night like it was yesterday.

“Yes, I really want to go back to work and find out some more lies. Are you kidding me? You moron, go back to work?! You've spoken to me, you know what happened.”

He remembered the blood, the chants, the fear, and even the end of the chaos that started it all.

“You’ve spoken to me, you know what happened.”

He remembered how sore his muscles were, how his headache was, how fast his heartbeat was, and how the blood dripped from his body.

“You had a breakdown.”

He was empty that very night, immediately talking about what he needed before running away. Anything valuable was going to help him get a new life out of the law’s eyes.

“Yes, of course, I had a breakdown. I got very scared. You know what I saw?! How the hell would that make you feel? You patronizing idiot, you think you could get out of bed after you’d seen that?”

He didn't look back and he never did, for his own sake, he thought he could forget about that night and what transpired before that.

But it ate away at him, mentally it did, and the more he ignored it, the more it drove him crazy.

“We all saw it on television. You broke the story, why does it make you so angry?”

Is the apartment as safe as it claims to be?

Are just neighbors his actual neighbors?

Would he live to see another day?

Is he really safe?

“Yeah, you saw it on television, I saw it. There's a difference! I saw him, you idiot, I didn't do anything wrong! I didn't hurt anyone, I’m not mad, I’m not mad!”

All these questions racked his brain enough to distract him as the tape went on. He hadn't even noticed that it had stopped, at least, until numbers had started to be counted off. He hadn't noticed what they were before he immediately ran to get his notebook and pen, writing down the numbers given to him.

The tape soon stopped and Cash looked down at what he had to write.

It was coordinated. He was given coordinates.

Cash took the next few days off, for once in his life, he was using his break to his advantage.

The coordinates he was given led him to a pier at Del Perro; he spent nearly two hours searching the place before he found the tape. He didn't waste time, he immediately went to the next location, listening to the tape as he drove on. His mind clouded with worry as he listened in on these interviews with a woman he hasn't seen since that night.

What had happened to her?

All he heard was the news, the fear that rocketed the country at the discovery of Starkweather’s work, and so on. Not like he would care, he was too busy selling the director’s watch to spend the night at a somewhat decent motel.

All he cared about was hiding and running far away from Carver City.

Whatever was in that city, he didn't care, it could finally burn for all he cared, and he wouldn't turn back. Yet, here he was, sneaking his way into a building to find a goddamn tape to listen to. Time wasted over cassette tapes expanding his guilt over a woman he barely knew who suffered the consequences of his actions.

Why didn't he ask if she was alright?

Physically she was fine, but mentally?

She saw him kill those cops, sure, but with the evidence, she collected, what else could she have seen? If she was there from the beginning, would she be worse than before or barely understand the world she lived in was a complete lie?

What had happened to her?

It had been the fifth day, Cash was needed for his work in the next five hours, and all he had was his fears and suspicions to keep him alert.

Had he slept? Ate anything? Stopped to take a small break?

He didn't know, all he cared about was getting to deal with this once and for all.

Whatever or whoever was doing this to him knew what he had done.

It couldn't have been the police, no matter how invasive and corrupted they were, they were too damn lazy to commit something to this extent.

It couldn't have been the FIB, now he sounded like a conspiracy theorist, he needs to stop listening to that one radio show.

But Starkweather? Starkweather was dead. He killed that man with a chainsaw welded by a disturbed, overweight man in a pig’s mask.

He was long gone, so who would go after him?

Someone that knew Starkweather personally?

Someone who knew the snuff film business?

Someone that wanted to get revenge?

But who would have enough time and resources to get back at him? After all this time, they would have hired another company to handle the snuff film business than worry about him.

Better yet, why not just shoot him in the back of the head and leave him to bleed out on the pavement?

God, why him?

Cash hasn't noticed it at first, his eyes barely trailing over the roads to sense the familiarity.

The same roads, the same signs, the same buildings-wait-what the hell?

Cash looked out his window, running a hand over his eyes he watched a familiar sign pass him.

‘Oakwood Parc’

The grown man looked at his phone before looking at the sign again before it passed. Turning right he looked at another sign, his heart starting to race.

‘Dutch Road’

No.

‘Jersey Down’

‘Swallow Cliff’

‘Brook Glen’

He continued on the path, only ignoring the directions when he skipped a few streets for a shortcut. His eyes widened as the sounds around him started to ring and his heart started to beat faster.

This can't be possible, it just can't be.

Cash made a rather harsh turnover towards his apartments, parking recklessly as he grabbed what he had and ran out of his car. By this point, the sun had fallen and the starless night had taken over, every shadow could lead to his downfall.

Yet, Cash haphazardly ran to his apartment door, taking no mind of the danger, and as he walked in front of it, he paused.

The door was ajar.

Someone had broken into his home.

Cash readied his pocket knife, slowly opening the door he watched as the moonlight cast his shadow over his home.

He reached over to turn on the light only to get nothing, cursing to himself, he carefully walked inside. He didn't have a flashlight with him so all he had was the moonlight to lead him further. He barely passed the front door before quickly making his way into the shadows.

It was best to avoid the light to get to jump at anyone who was hiding somewhere.

Cash checked the kitchen, and every cabinet opened up as well as the oven.

Cash checked in the living room, and under each used couch nothing was touched.

Cash checked the hallway from which only three rooms resided to check.

His room, the guest room, and the bathroom.

Only one of these room’s doors was left wide open.

Taking that as a trap, Cash left that one for last.

The guest room wasn't much to look at, even with how much stuff was piled there over the last few months it wasn't much. Even in the closet, nothing was there except for a few leftover shoes, clothes, and a locked box.

None of it was touched.

The bathroom was empty as well, the curtain was drawn so far to the side no one would be able to hide behind there.

So all that was left was his room…

The sound of static was high and unforgiving, the light of the television shining down against the harsh shadows.

He peaked at every corner, his closet wide open, yet nothing was out of the ordinary apart from the television. The man checked the closet, even with how small it was, it didn't mean that no one couldn't hide in it. Carefully parting the clothes, everything was normal, so Cash turned over to under his bed.

He made a quick move to look under, he was met with an empty plane, no man hidden under there.

Cash sat right back up, feeling his mind calm down just for a moment, he turned his attention toward his television.

The man walked over to the tv, eyeing the whole thing before he noticed the VCR underneath the tv. There was a VHS tape planted halfway into the VCR, the writing is shown in plain view.

‘Play Me :)’

He pushed in the tape and quietly sat down on his bed, a sort of uneasy feeling grew over his chest. The screen blacked out before color filled the entire screen, and the image of a doorway was shown. Everything else was blacked out, save for the bright red door which slowly opened to reveal a man behind it.

Cash was taken aback by the man at first, his attire completely taking him by surprise.

He wore a gimp suit, made entirely of latex and leather, belts of all kinds wrapped around his arms and legs. There was a corset wrapped tightly around his waist, it was pulled so tight that it looked uncomfortable. The worst part was the smile hidden behind the zipper-like teeth that were stitched onto the mask itself.

“Oh, hello, “the man sang, the blindfold over his eyes twitching ever so slightly with how wide he smiled.

“Welcome, weary traveler, come in, come in!” Claw-like gloves moved over in sync, enticing the viewer to come inside, from which, the camera did so.

From inside, Cash saw what seemed to be a single chair perched in darkness. It seemed like the entire room was covered head to toe with latex, the lighting reflecting them lightly. The gimp seemingly turned around the chair in a spin, grabbed it, and turned it over to sit backward.

“It seems that you’re lost, don't worry about your scrambled head, you can rest here all you like!”

He held out his arms and legs over the chair, crossing them over each other in some ridiculous way to keep them from going all over the place.

“Besides, I have a wonderful story to tell!”

He snapped his finger, and immediately a book was brought in by a man wearing similar attire to the gimp on the chair. He said nothing as the gimp took the book from their gloved hands, shooing them away as they showed the book towards the camera.

“Here, my tired traveler is a book still ongoing! Now, I am not a writer, by all means, I'm open to criticism.”

There was a pause.

“Criticism only I approve of, of course.”

The book was covered in black with red lining, just like the gimp holding it, he opened it and started to read.

“Once upon a time, there was a man, a really brutal man who knew nothing but pain and suffering. His upbringing, although filled with nothing but harm and betrayal transformed him into the man he is today. And what a man he became, striving to do more for men in suits, distraught lovers, and the thrill of gold all around!”

The book was turned over, showcasing typical childlike drawings depicting the ‘man’ throughout his life. The book was turned over and a page was turned, the gimp nearly jumping on his seat in excitement.

“He fought and he spat, for ten years he ran around in fear of capture and persecution. Yet, once he was behind bars, plans were made for him. Just for him. And when the time came, another special man waited by the spotlight, watching ever so intently to see the action happen. And his name…”

The book was turned, and a small version of the gimp was shown to the camera. It had the same attire, the same smile, and the same murderous intent as its creator.

“Is Mr. Nasty.”

The book was turned over, the gimp laughing to himself with a wide smile.

“Now, Mr. Nasty was a very impressive man. So impressive the only way to get his attention was to prove how gruesome and vile you can be. So he had so many friends all over the world who gathered to help and watch his films become a reality. A life even Mr. Nasty never thought he could have, but once acquired, did everything in his power to keep that in check.”

Another page was turned.

“That all changed one day, however, as the certain man in this story changed it all in one night.”

There was a slight twitch to his smile, one of malice and anger, but was held up nonetheless.

“One night, the man not only managed to create the best film he's ever had the opportunity to produce and edit but also ruined his chances to make more afterward. For you see, my weary traveler, business for Mr. Nasty is all but sensitive as it is cruel and unforgiving. Because there are other groups and self-righteous fucks that think they can put down works of art for their so-called ‘justice’.”

The gimp didn't turn the book over, instead, they turned to another page.

“Justice unwarranted when all they do is cover shit up to promote how helpful they are to a community filled with liars and bastards alike. But that is neither here nor there, for you wanted a story, a story we both know all too well.”

The gimp groaned, closing the book as he put their head back. They raised the book for a second before abruptly smashing it onto their face, Cash watching in shock as the gimp rose with a smile. He shook his head, his body shaking to reposition himself onto the chair to read the hook once more.

“Me and society, damn, I need to pull myself together. Anyway, back to the story, blah blah blah, blood and guts, my prized director and fuck buddy dead in my tracks, and the FIB going up my ass after that night. Er-some reporter lady getting her ass humbled in a madhouse-”

Cash gasped, his mind immediately going over to the tapes. Each one was expertly hidden in a place that took nearly more than an hour to find. Only then to struggle to find the coordinates for the next tape and so on.

“Uh-but that won't bother you too much, you got the tapes, you heard that bitch whine and lose it. She's not that important anymore, trust me, she's being taken care of, Cash, anyway-”

The book was closed, and a sense of irritation overtook the gimp’s facial features.

“You know what, fuck it, Cash, look, as much as I love theatrics, slow burn isn't my kind of taste. Unless I want to torture myself, today is not the day, you’re tired, I’m tired, and we’re all waiting for the finale, am I right?”

Cash stared at the television.

“Right, okay, look. Cash, I'm pissed at you, like, incredibly and utterly so pissed I’m still shocked I haven't killed you just yet! And, knowing me, that's something entirely new, so I have to make up for that somehow. So, I ask you, Cash, how is it that because of the massacre you created that nearly destroyed my business could ever make up what I’ve lost?”

The gimp jumped onto the chair in a swift moment, the book still, in hand, he forced a smile onto his face.

“That’s because not only have I faced such turmoil and depression after the chaos you’ve spread. I've been given a chance at retribution, Cash, another chance to bring myself back into business with new ideas and new environments. Case in point, I would have to thank only one person for my comeback, a true blessing in disguise if I say so myself!”

The gimp made another pose on the chair, one leg placed on the ground and the other bent on the seat of the chair.

“I’m going to save you a lot of time because I'm so excited, Cash, but it all started because some dumbass decided to steal my briefcase. I was going to get it back, with all my important stuff in there, of course, but someone got there before me. They were fast, like a gazelle, faster than I could ever run, but I managed to get there just in time to see the action myself.”

Cash saw the gimp get more excited, tapping one foot on the ground, their grip on the book grew tighter.

“It was beautiful, Cash, beautiful! The villain is down on the ground getting beaten by the hero himself, each punch as harsh and bloody as the last! Oh God, I was amazing, I wish I had a camera on me to record it, but all I could do was watch everything go down. It was miraculous, James, everything that I’d been missing for months only to begin playing right in front of my eyes!”

Cash felt himself sigh; what was he going with all of this?

“Soon my briefcase was returned to me but I didn't care about it anymore, what mattered more was the hero who went out of his way to save me! I wanted-no-needed to know his name but he must have caught my desperation and left me with his only name.”

The gimp laughed a breathless laugh.

“Jimmy.”

From within Cash’s chest, he felt his chest overfill with a horrible chill.

“Jimmy. Oh, Jimmy? There had to be more to that, I just knew there was. So after I killed the thief-the villain-I called a good friend of mine to get everything together. I wanted to know every damn man in Liberty City named Jimmy as soon as possible, no exceptions. So for the next few days, I did not sleep, no hour was wasted as I spent so long trying to find this specific Jimmy.”

Unconsciously, he felt himself gulp, breathing in sharply as he watched the tape on.

“But then it hit me! Jimmy could just be a nickname, so I took a full minute to think about how that nickname could be integrated into a full name. Jim, Jamie, Jimbo…”

The camera closed up on the gimp’s face, his smile widening to show his pearly white teeth.

“James.”

The cold feeling spread across Cash’s body, his chest expanding and condensing as the seconds passed by. His mind was stuck on one possibility but he pushed it aside, only for it to come right back up again.

It couldn't be possible, it just couldn't.

The camera panned back out, the gimp changed positions once again, this time his knees were up the seat.

“So there I was, searching with every resource I’ve bad at my grubby sharp claws, and then I found it! I found him, Cash, I found the hero of my story!”

No.

“He was found around Liberty City, making note of every strange person and adventure in his way. He's met the homeless, the scum, the corrupt, and even the politically incorrect! But at the very end, he returned to one place I never thought a boy like him would rest. Could you imagine what that place was, Cash?”

Cash was silent, his heart beating faster.

“An apartment, an expensive one at that, and over here I’m thinking to myself: Was my hero some rich delinquent? But-no-this was different, Cash, way different, when I looked through the files of who could have been in that apartment I found a particular name. A very special name I'm sure you hold dear to your heart, no?”

Cash was breathing faster, his grip on his bed sheets got tighter, sweat collecting over his head.

“Room 176, level 3, a room rented by a name named Jerry Jones. A man who fancied older cars for his business nobody gives two shits about. Then I looked deeper into it, very deeply into it, and I found out who he married just the month before. So you know who that woman was, Cash?”

In a flick of a wrist, a picture was shown, of a woman wearing flamboyant clothing pulling the ear of a teenage boy in haste. She looked upset, a finger up in the air accusing the teenager of something as her free hand brushed her red hair back.

Cash remained silent, his entire body felt numb.

“Mallory Hopkins telling her son James ‘Jimmy’ Hopkins that he has no right to go out into the city without her permission.”

If it was even possible, the smile went further than humanly possible.

“And then I remember way back when I read up on your files that you used to be a married man, no? You used to have a secret life hidden away to support the girl of your dreams, and eventually, after many tries, a baby is in the way. But, of course, the damned FIB was after you and you had to leave and leave what you had to support your family and left them all behind for an entire decade.”

The gimp sighs, a notable frown on his face.

“It's a tragedy, really, it is. But a sacrifice worth living because if it wasn't for you, Cash, I'm sure I wouldn't have considered the thought of these two.”

The picture was then crumpled slowly in the gimp’s claws, the blindfold over his eyes switching slightly as he did so.

“I mean, who would have thought that I would meet the bastard of the man that nearly ruined my entire business! Oh my God, the second I connected the dots I jumped up and yelled at the top of my lungs: THERE IS A GOD!!!”

The camera panned out further, showcasing the gimp jumping onto the chair, one on the seat and the other at the top. He fell over, almost gracefully, onto the ground with a laugh as he shook his hands with the book.

“It was a sign, Cash, a sign for me to get out of my depressive state and do my work again, only better than before!”

The book was opened to reveal the empty pages within.

“There can be more put into this story! The hero of this story will be the bastard you left long ago to avoid the truth of the matter! Every page will finally be filled out and all my hard work will finally be done and over with once and for all! You can't imagine how much this means to me. Cash, nothing in the world, no pain, no pleasure could ever make up for what this means to me!”

He laughed.

“I'm so excited about this! I can finally do what I always wanted to do and make a film in school!” It took months and specific needs to make it all happen, but it's finally happening!”

Closing the book, the gimp threw it over towards the camera, Cash flinching at the act as the book soon disappeared from view. A map was given to the gimp, and he took it and opened it up to show it in front of the camera for Cash to see. With the footage, it was hard to make out but even then it was slightly visible.

“Who would have thought a troubled kid like Jimmy would get into a prestigious school such as Bullworth Academy? I mean, if I was kicked out of so many schools I would have given up right then and there! But that's what makes you and Jimmy so similar, Cash, no matter how many times you both are battered down, you always get back up for a fight!”

A sharp finger pointed over toward the center of the map, where from what Cash could tell, was this proclaimed Bullworth Academy. He couldn't see the address, once again, it was blurred even close to the camera.

“I need that in a film, and I need him in my film, Cash! No one else can compare to what potential that boy has to make for a film of a lifetime! To make up for survival not only for him but for everyone else nearby, especially the town of Bullworth itself!”

The map was thrown out of frame, the grown man laughing and jumping up and down like a child who's been given a lot of candy.

“I'm so excited! And I have you to thank for all of this happening, Cash! To your insane amount of bloodshed, my business nearly going down, my depression at an all-time high, and the FIB finding out many of my hideouts! It was all worth it in the end, Cash, all of it was leading up for the better!”

The camera was grabbed and pulled out of the cameraman’s hold, the gimp’s face getting up close at the lens that it nearly blurred.

“So Cash, thank you, really, for this opportunity of a lifetime! I know you have more questions and even if they’re hardly answered in this tape, I can assure you, they weren't.”

He laughed, his breath wheezing at the end.

“I leave you with this James, you have a choice to make, a big one.”

The gimp licked his chapped lips.

“You can either ignore all of this and live your sad life where you are now. Take out the tape, collect all the others, throw it in a bag, and break it apart. Or, and I hope you take this one, you can be the man you were once before and go protect that bastard of a son you’ve made. I'm telling you right away, Cash, I really hope you take the last option because I'm not so sure that boy is capable of murder as I hope and dream he is.”

There was a moment of silence, the sound of the man breathing heavily was heard before he gulped and smiled once more.

“But remember this, Cash, no matter what option you make, blood will be shed and Bullworth will become the next Carcer City. So help me, God, this country-Hell-the world will finally see what I'm actually capable of.”

Mr. Nasty gave a small sigh, his smile turning sinister by the second.

“I can't wait to see how this all goes down.”

At the last second, Cash watched as the image of Mr. Nasty fazed out to reveal a date, a date he recognized to be only due in a few months. Only for that date to be abruptly cut by footage of a cartoon alien talking with a teenage boy underneath the stars.

“Be mindful, Jack, there is much to find as there is much to fear!”

Then static.

Complete and utter static.

Cash watched on in silence as the static went on, the tape finally ending, all he could do was sit there and look.

He didn't know what to think as well as he didn't know what to do. All he could hear was the static of his television, his own beating heart, the ambulance traveling by his apartment, and the drunken argument being made next door.

And all he could whimper was one name and one name only.

“Jimmy…”

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flowergrownbeyondthestone · 3 months

Text

So far most of the things I’ve written here were leaning towards being majorly positive and somewhat optimistic, but I think I’m going to ruin this trend today. Despite trying my best to preserve my energy and recharge yesterday, I woke up feeling absolutely exhausted today. Even before I got to work it felt like I had 0 energy available and yet I still had to get through the day somehow. That on its own is not great, but worse days happen. That aside, lately I’ve been wondering why after a long streak of feeling quite good while working 3 days suddenly my energy level seems to be worse again and even getting through these 3 days can be challenging. Today I realized that this is the time around which I started to actually go out and socialize more. Wow. Great. So apparently if I spend 4 days of my weekend primarily isolating myself I can function at work, but if I decide to do more then well… the good time ends there. Or well, I still have a good time while being around others and doing stuff, but I’m absolutely suffering at work. I basically cried like two times today already and I’m temporarily feeling like I’m less of a person. Working part time and still unable to have fun without paying for it later. Still having to plan everything around my energy levels, with no clear idea of what should happen in the future. I didn’t choose any of this, but right now it’s hard for me not to feel like I’m failing at life. I know it’s not really my fault and the circumstances in my life have been less than optimal for a long while, but… I so fucking badly wish I could just function on a normal level without a ton of consideration and pushing myself beyond my limits. There’s so much frustration coming up because I feel like I’ve had to deal with things on my own basically my whole life. Of course I had different people supporting me, but it should never be their burden to carry, unfortunately at some points it was. My family has never really shown up for me, not in an emotional and present way at least. It still fills me with so much sadness and anger, in a way I feel simply abandoned because even though I am an adult and technically don’t need them, don’t we all want to have someone that’s going to be there no matter what happens? Normally family is. But not mine. I have to carry my burden, their burden and at the same time somehow not feel like I’m falling apart. I can absolutely see a good life for myself, but not when I constantly need to worry about earning a living and somehow not becoming an isolated cave hermit. I just want a break. I didn’t even get to enjoy my childhood and now I feel like I’m drowning in adult responsibilities while only just learning who I am and what I need. I wish I had a place to go where I could just exist for a while without everything hanging above my head. It just really doesn’t feel like it’s an option though, I’m alone in the country, I have no alternative source of income, I have virtually no support in that way and my biggest problems are strictly connected to the practical life shit (aka money, energy and time). I need some changes but how the fuck do I figure out what my life should look like when I can’t even find a way to get advice from anyone and I sure as hell can’t always do everything alone. Especially not when it comes to such major decisions and not having anything to fall back on. I don’t know. I just want to be able to allow myself to be weak and tired when I need to. Meanwhile one day after getting out of psych ward and the worst mental breakdown of my life I was already back at work and pushing further, cause what the hell am I supposed to do? I hate that reality. I didn’t ask for any of this mess and now it’s all mine to deal with

(Update, an hour and a bunch of chips and tears later): I feel much better now, cheers

Not that the issues are solved buuut. I’LL LIVE

0 notes

m5ria · 1 year

Text

Chapter 16: The Letter

I wake up with less pain, but the same mixed feelings as yesterday.

My mother used to say to listen to my instincts when something is unclear. And, as far as I can tell, my instincts tell me to run and start a life somewhere else.

The only reason why I haven’t left yet is I was trying to make sure that this is the best decision. I’m still not sure, but not doing anything is still a choice.

So, for the rest of the day, I’ve been plotting my departure. I can’t be too obvious and I need to somehow send Charlie a message to ask her not to look for me. It’ll have to be convincing enough.

A letter! That will do.

Another aspect to consider is where I’m going to stay. Unfortunately, the Radio Demon knows about my forest and the remaining of my house. I can’t go back there for the time being. If there’ll be a search party for me for some reason, that area would be the first one to inspect.

I hate that I’ll have to abandon it. I am not even sure for how long. Some years might be necessary for every demon that interacted with me in the past few days to forget about me. Which means I have to find a new home.

I search on my hellphone for the Pride Ring map. It seems there are some mountains somewhere in the southwest of Pentagram City, quite far from the awful city. I could lay low there for a couple of months.

It doesn’t sound ideal, a life of a nomad, but for the past eleven years, I’ve lived like this. When I escaped home, I had to travel around Europe to erase the trace of the girl I was. I had to change identities, homes, countries, and languages.

It wasn’t the worst life, having the chance to explore so many cultures. It was free, independent, and fulfilling. It’s true that it was lonely as well, and sometimes I had mental breakdowns, not seeing any reason to live anymore if there was no one to remember me.

That was until I met Fleur. With her life somehow bloomed. We were strangers, me a huntress, and she the daughter of the chef I used to sell my venison to. The circumstance brought us together as friends, and then the best of friends, something I’ve lacked my entire life. I don’t know when or where I realized that what I felt wasn’t for a best friend, not having any experience in friendships, but one time she kissed me and... I liked kissing her back.

The worst part of her incredible memory is that I don’t remember the last time I saw her. We were still together when I died, I know that for sure. But I remember almost nothing about my death. Was she in our cottage? Was she waiting for me to arrive home? Did she find me dead under the night sky?

It doesn’t matter, I tell myself. She lived and I didn’t. I can’t reach her. And, if she...

No. She didn’t die. But if she did... She’d be in Heaven one hundred per cent.

I look out the window, where the Pentagram Star shines above the horrible black buildings. I hope she is well, wherever she is.

I finish packing my few possessions and teleport downstairs. I checked if there was anyone there before I appeared in the hallway. With the letter for Charlie in my hands, I walk towards the bar. But, before I let it sit on the counter, I hear someone opening the big entrance doors.

I don’t have time to react as I turn around and see Angel and... another sinner, coming in and talking. I prepare on explaining my letter and backpack, but they don’t seem to see me. I look down and see... Nothing.

I’m invisible.

“It’s chaos out there!” Angel rolls his eyes. “No one wants to fuck anymore, all so worried as shit!”

“Who isn’t worried in Hell?” the other sinner mutters.

“For this exact reason there are drugs,” Angel points out, grabbing a cigarette from one pocket of his suit.

Angel lied to me. Why?

“You think it’s best to smoke here?” the other one glances around, his eyes passing through me. “I don’t think you want Vaggie to see you...”

“Fuck Vaggie!” he inhales from his cigarette. “In da last few days, I only hear her scream at me.”

“So, you want her to scream even more at you?”

“I don’t fucking care!”

“Angel, if you need to talk...”

“Damn straight I wanna talk,” the spider cuts in. “This gets outta hand already. It’s enough that I have to avoid him, but now I have to literally detour the entire City because of his lackeys. And they’re not even looking fer me!”

“They are looking for the sinner who involved you in the heist,” the other sinner points out. A shadow of guilt on Angel’s face quickly disappears. “If they see you, it’ll be double reward for him.”

“So what? Ya, tell me to just sit here fer the rest of my (after)life?”

“I tell you to wait,” the stranger grabs Angel by his shoulders, making the spider stay still. “It’ll pass. Now, it’s dangerous out there. The Vees are searching every corner of Pentagram City. Hell, of the entire Pride Ring! Except the hotel. It’s safe here.”

“Don’t tell me what’s safe and what’s not,” Angel shoves his hands. “I get that speech millions of times from Charlie already.”

“Then maybe you should listen!” the sinner pushes Angel lightly. “We’re just looking out for ya!”

“I don’t need anyone looking out fer me!” Angel hisses. “I’m fine!”

“Are you, tho?” the other eyes him, knowingly.

“Fuck you!” Angel drops his cigarette on the floor before stepping on it, and then he bolts to the staircase.

The unknown demon stays silent for a few seconds, looking tiredly at where Angel has disappeared, and then they go the same way.

There are so many questions whirling in my head: who is that demon? Are they another hotel resident? Why haven’t I met them already? What are them to Angel?

Then, I replay everything they’ve said: the Vees are looking for the sinner responsible for the heist. Jane, the Wild One, who hunts for a living. I bet they’re not searching only the industrial areas with the information I’ve provided... more like the wild ones.

How far can they search for me? And for how long?

And they don’t search the hotel? It’s one of the most obvious choices, due to Alastor’s association with me. But maybe they’re... scared? Was their defeat that awful?

I realize that it might not be as safe to walk the streets of Hell or stroll in my woods as before... And it wasn’t safe then either. What if I’m caught? This time, Valentino wouldn’t underestimate me. And he clearly is more powerful than me.

But I can’t hide here forever!

I look around at the hotel. The letter in my hands feels like warming up. Why do I reevaluate my decision? I thought I have agreed on leaving!

You are running away... Again... It’s the best thing you can do.

Not true.

Right. The best thing you can do is hide. Not much of an alternative...

What do you want me to do? Fight? I’m helpless. I know almost nothing about my powers or how to use them. I’m like a child with a gun. Pathetic.

This is Hell. Its inhabitants would not hesitate to torture me, kill me, or hand me to the ones who search for me. Make my (after)life a living hell.

But Hell doesn’t mean only sinners. Hell has other demons, who were born here and can choose to be good. Like Charlie.

Can I trust Charlie?

I look at my letter. I know (for some reason) that my words written there would sadden the Princess. Something in me thinks I can trust her. Should I trust my gut?

It saved me so many times before. Why refuse to listen to it now?

I turn myself visible and rip the letter into tens of pieces.

☽

Alastor POV:

After my late evening podcast, I decided I wanted to stall my arriving at dinner. It was Vagatha’s turn to cook and, judging by the soft smell, she made a disgustingly sweet meal.

This won’t do.

I’ve been leaning on the rail of the last-floor balcony for a couple of minutes now, watching the Pentagram City roar its usual pained song. Reminiscing the days, I used to play that sound, louder and so much more beautiful.

Somewhere out there is my worst enemy, still healing his wounds we’ve caused him. Or nursing his pest boyfriend who has been taken down so easily by a mere naive sinner.

The thought only brings me immense joy. Humming a random melody, I ponder on what he might do next. We already know it was Lucifer who sent them, despite the fact that their goals align ever so perfectly. However, ever since then, there is no word from the King of Hell.

All the better. I so relish surprises.

My contemplation is joyfully interrupted by Diana’s materialization.

It took her only one day. This should be fun.

I don’t make any move to acknowledge her presence. I’ll let her break the silence. Something she despises.

“I…” Diana begins to say, then she clears her throat, “I have been thinking about your offer. And I’m still not accepting it.”

I prevent a burst of laughter from surfacing. This little darling is most amusing!

“Not under the terms you’ve mentioned,” she adds. I can literally hear her words being ripped out from her throat.

“Oh?” I turn around and lean my back on the rail. She is standing straight like a statue. The way she faces a threat.

Of course, the thought only makes my smile grow.

“There are four powers I know of,” she admits bitterly. “You’d guide me through each of them and, in return, I’d do a task for you. Not a favor. A task. For each session.”

I cock an eyebrow as I watch her trying to emanate control. She’s somehow a combination between both Charlotte and Vagatha. Control obsessed and stubborn, yet intuitive and hope delusional. Of course, nothing truly special about her, as I’ve met a dozen Dianas both alive and dead. Regardless, it’s an uncommon and entertaining combination.

“Neither of these tasks can be me offering my soul or (after)life to you. This deal will not be longer than it’s supposed to be,” she finishes with her black and blue eyes set on mine. Daring me.

Alright then. I’ll play your game.

“And what if you fail to do one of these tasks?” I lean my head curiously.

“I can assure you that won’t happen,” she smiles devilishly.

“Ho ho ho,” I chuckle, delighted. “I’m going to need more than that!”

I truly enjoy this game.

“What?” she provokes. “Do you suppose I’m not a woman of my word?”

“Oh, no, dear,” I finally stop laughing, still grinning. “I am sure your intentions are to keep your word. However, I don’t believe you’d survive to keep that promise.”

“You underestimate me,” she smiles smugly. “I would do whatever task you would assign me to. That is, if you accept my offer.”

Ooh, now this is her offer? Let’s change that …

“If you’d fail to achieve one of these tasks, it’d mean you’d be in my debt,” I walk to her. “I believe you know what this implies.”

I reach her ears and whisper ever so quietly: “Your soul will belong to me.”

I’ve glimpsed her ears shudder almost unnoticeable. I take two steps back to regard her, but other than that, I don’t see any signs of surprise. She is good.

“Fine,” she agrees. “Oh, and there’s one more aspect to tackle.”

Oh, yes. She shall never cease to surprise me.

“The fact that you’ll know about my powers,” she resumes. “It is important to you. Why else you wouldn’t tell Charlie I have them in the first place? Information is power. So, if I am to give up on it, you’ll have to give up on some too.”

She grins, watching me with whole focus.

“After your tasks, I shall ask you a question of my choosing,” she continues. “As unpredictable as your tasks. To be fair. And you’ll have to answer it honestly. And not a simple yes or no,” she quickly adds. “That... Would be cheating … Detailed answers. Satisfying answers.”

I study her, looking for any signs of weakness, besides the fact that she returned to me. She truly wants to be more powerful, but this isn’t her endgame. There is something else, something I shall find out if I take the deal.

Yet, I don’t particularly appreciate the way she thinks she can pull the strings. She’s a mere sinner, toying with a Hell Overlord. She should know her place. She should know that being a hotel resident doesn’t protect her from Hell’s wrath... Or my own.

She will learn in time. And, oh, how I’m going to enjoy myself in the meantime...

“Alright, then,” I agree. I grin when I notice her unintentionally surprised eyes. “You may ask one question, after every task you successfully complete. That is to say if you survive all five of them!”

“Oh, I will!” she says before registering my words. Then, with a look of confusion, she asks: “Wait. Why five? I told you I know of four powers. Is this a ploy to get a bonus task??”

“That would be a bonus task, with a bonus question!” I wink. “Consider the last session as a summary! See if you learned something. Maybe combine your powers together. See if there emerges any new power. You never know!”

Before she contradicts me, I quickly say: “Besides... Four? Such an ugly number! Even numbers are for the dead!”

I see my remark has surprised her so much, she forgot to argue. I can literally see the wheels turn in her brain, before she agrees: “Fine. Five sessions, five tasks, five questions. But then, it is done.”

“One way or the other.”

I wait for her to cower away, to be frightened, but the only thing she does is walk to me and say: “We’ll see what you’re made of, Radio Demon.”

“So...” I smile widely, as I once again summon the green pact, “It’s a deal, then?”

This time, she looks at me instead of my palm. With her eyes fierce, she grabs my hand. Her grip is as strong as mine, even when the green fire burns our clutched palms.

Something about this deal feels a little bit different. I don’t feel her soul in my control like I used to. Instead, there’s only a replica. A counterpart for when she’ll fail.

And she will fail.

Next Chapter

Previous Chapter

Masterlist

A/N: Hello, guys!

I'm sorry for my big delay! Final exams and everything tend to occupy your time more than usual ...

I'm working hard to get back on track!

Thank you so much for your support!

~ ria

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scoups4lyfe · 2 years

Text

Journal Entries. (2)

These are all mood journal entries (so super short / concise) of mine; where I chart my daily moods over a period of time.

These chronicle the time right before I scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist (March) and when I started medication (antidepressants) for my depression / fatigue.

NOTE: These don't contain any long thoughts, literally just mood observations. But I think it does a pretty good job at showing just how inconsistent and sudden mood episodes / switching can be, and why they're so debilitating for trying to live a normal everyday life. I added some gifs / pictures for rando visuals LOL. Truly complete the reading experience 🤪.

Part: [1], [2], [3], [4] Bipolar PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6]

...

March 27th, 2021

Slept: 4am. Woke: 4pm

Mood: 2/10 Energy: Neutral (Maybe a 2/10)

I just feel empty. Like I need to go hibernate/go back to sleep. I’m not hungry. I’m not particularly motivated, and I kind of wish my sister would sit down and watch Hannibal with me and my mom, so it bums me out that she continues to put that off/ignore it.

I’m tired, man. It’s 8:21 pm, and I’m already thinking about going back to bed. When my family hangs out, I can be mindless and just let their good mood and entertainment take over. Other than that, I don’t feel particularly interested in doing anything, though I know I should. I have things to do. I don’t even feel bad about not doing anything. Just empty. Just ready to sleep.

March 28/29th, 2021:

NOTE: Visual reference of what I looked like during this time

March 30th, 2021:

Bed: 6:30 pm. Woke: 4:30 am

Mood: -1/10

My mood can be directly related to how many gluten free brownies I’ve eaten today. (Thee ONLY thing I’ve eaten too might I add.) (it’s 5pm)

…

[Started taking meds]

Tuesday July 6th 2021 (6:03 pm) (12th)

NOTE: The number next to the date is the number of days since I started taking medication

took meds (YES)

I was kinda so depressed from the doctor’s visit and loss of money that even with the meds, it couldn’t stop me from sleeping. LOL.

Thursday July 8th 2021 (12:10 pm) (14th)

took meds: yes

I had enough energy to watch [my niece]

I had enough energy to have a mental breakdown.

Tuesday July 13th 2021 (19th)

took meds: yes (4:44 pm)

I feel so tired…fatigued….

Thursday, July 15th 2021 (21st)

took meds: yes (2:47)

Slept four hours

Overall energy: 3/10

Mood:4.5:10

Napped for three hours, had dinner + caffeinated tea and I feel shaky-awake.

Bruh I did not sleep (for the 16th) at all 💀💀💀.

Friday, July 16th, 2021 (22nd)

took meds: yes (12:06pm)

Haha going to bed right after I took my meds 😛🤷

Friday July 23rd, 2021 (31st)

took meds: yes (11:12 am)

This week idk. It’s been weird? Like tired and then also hyper fixated on nonsense =DD.

Why (2:40 pm) am I so tired? Don’t want to do anything.

(Currently Saturday morning, 6;22 am and I can’t sleep. I’m NOT tired. But I want to sleep.)

This is the WORST.

Saturday July 24th, 2021 (32nd)

took meds: 7:21 pm

I feel wired and tired and just like I can’t do anything even tho I have the energy to

Sunday July 25th, 2021 (33rd)

took meds: yes (11:26 am)

I know I woke up at 8pm today, but man I really don’t want to do SHIT. (And after drinking that nasty ass fiber supplement, I’m feeling tired =o. When will this insanity end?)

Tuesday July 27th 2021 (35th)

took meds: yes (10:04 am)

Mood (10:07 am): 7/10

Energy (10:07 am): 6.7/10

Wednesday July 28th 2021 (36th)

took meds: yes (4:23pm)

Literally went to sleep at 1am and woke up at 4:15 pm. Wtf? (I slept 16hrs LOL)

Mood (6:03 pm): 6.5/10

Energy (6:03 pm): 7.2/10

Today was a good day, I got more work done than yesterday :)).

(3:19, Thursday am): laid down and tried to sleep but now I feel more awake than ever.

Thursday July 29th 2021 (37th)

took meds: yes (4:29 pm)

Went to bed last night at 8am, woke up at 4:33 pm. (I hate not being able to fall asleep. Is it because I slept for 16 hrs the previous night? #sucks.)

Mood (7:44 pm): 7.5/10

Energy: (7:44 pm): 6.4/10

Friday July 30th 2021 (38th)

took meds: yes (8:15 pm)

I almost forgot to take them today ahhhhhh

Mood: 6/10

Energy: 6.7/10

Saturday July 31st 2021 (39th)

I have plenty of energy (I haven’t taken my meds yet) and yet I feel like I’m going insane. I. Can’t do anything right. Why why why why why must I continue to be a failure? I had something good going for me wtf is wrong with me? I don’t want to wake up anymore

Took meds: yes (11:44 am)

(Slept till 9pm, it’s 8:22 am Sunday and I’m still awake. But on the plus side I’m not careening dangerously into another mental breakdown.,,yet)

Sunday August 1st 2021 (40th)

took meds: yes (12:17 pm)

I haven’t slept yet today

General mood: hmmm 5/10 (12:18pm)

I do feel a little tired but that’s probably because I’ve been up since 9pm.

Generally tho I’m feeling pretty okay. (Guess we’ll see how the rest of today goes lol.)

[Prev] [Next]

#yeah these are absolutely wild to read in hindsight #LOL #me: I never said this #the july 31st entry is fvcking wild #what even was going on that day???#writing #manic depression #bipolaire #actually bipolar #fvcking moodswings ⚡️✌️#a scoup of life 🔫🦆#my thougts #online diary #journal

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xx-narcissa · 2 years

Text

Friend of a Friend II

warnings: horrible aunt, mental breakdowns

a/n: i’ll most likely make a part 3 if y’all are still interested in this series <3 let me know how you like this part

Tony Stark x mixed!daughter!reader, Peter Parker x mixed!reader

summary: Years after the death of your mother, you finally come face to face with the truth.

masterlist

part 1 part 3

(not my gif)

“Are you sure? Like really really sure?” Peter asked, not understanding what he was hearing. “You mean Tony…our boss…Iron Man? Is your dad?”

“I’m sure but I’m not really really sure. Talia’s defensiveness basically confirmed it for me.”

“Well whatever happens, you can stay here as long as you need to. May won’t mind, she’s basically already unofficially adopted you. Just not in a weird adopted cousins dating each other kind of way. Well would that be weird because technically-”

You cut his sentence off with a kiss, “I really appreciate it, but shut up. I don’t want to hear about your adoptcest theories. But what about Talia? She’s gonna probably start freaking out soon.” After a second you burst out into angry laughter. “Who am I kidding? She’s probably ecstatic that I’m finally gone!”

The laughter soon turned into sobbing. “It’s okay. Let it all out.” Peter consoled as he pulled you in closer to him. “Trust me, as shitty as she is, I know she’s worried sick. She still loves you even if she’s really bad at showing it. How could anyone not love you?”

“Do you?”

You and Peter hadn’t gotten to that point yet despite being together for a little under a year. As soon as the question came out of your mouth you regretted it and expected him to hesitate or change the subject, but he said his answer more confidently than he’d ever spoken before.

“Of course I do. I always have and I always will love you. So I’m going to help you with this and stand by whatever decision you make. If you want to tell him I’ll support you and if you want to beat the crap out of Talia for what she said then I’ll support you with that too. But I won’t help because it’d be an unfair fight. I mean, I’m Spider-man…soooo.”

As always, he never failed to make you laugh, even in the most horrible situations. “Shut up, you’re dumb.”

It was quiet for a minute, you two just enjoying each other’s company. Until Peter ruined the comfortable silence. “I don’t think May’s gonna let us sleep on the same bed, so I call top bunk.”

-=-

Despite the situation, you still had to go back to work if you wanted to keep the internship. Although it’d be awkward considering you ran out yesterday. But you’d simply avoid questions and avoid Tony. Which will be a little more than difficult considering he’s your whole boss.

“There you are, kid. What happened yesterday? Your little boyfriend here was worrying me to death about you.”

Of course. It hasn’t even been five minutes and Tony has already spotted you. Good thing Peter was still with you but he’d be no help. Not only was he nervous around Tony anyways, but he always became a blushing mess when anyone referred to him as your boyfriend.

You came up with a quick excuse hoping Tony would get off your case. “I’m on my period. It’s just I get these horrible excruciatingly painful cramps that come out of nowhere and so I had to run home to get medicine. So…yeah.”

“Why didn’t you say something? If you want, I can keep you some medicine in my office so you won’t have to go all the way home next time.”

The one time a man isn’t grossed out with periods is the one time you actually wanted him to be. Damn it. “No, no, it’s fine. The cramps are usually just on the first day so I’m fine now!”

But that didn’t stop him from bothering you about it all day. And the worst part was it felt like more than just a boss caring for their employee, it felt like a dad caring for his daughter.

That’s obviously nonsense, though. Because you haven’t told him about your suspicions. And sure he’s a millionaire or billionaire or whatever but he’s not a mind reader. Maybe it was dad intuition, if that’s a thing.

He even hugged you! What boss hugs their employees? Well, maybe nice bosses. But still. There has to be another motivation behind his kind actions. From what you know, Tony, like all other middle aged rich white guys, is an asshole to everyone. Especially employees. Why are you different?

Unless…no. That’s just gross.

-=-

For the past week you had been staying with Peter and May. And Talia hasn’t even called or texted you not once. You’re starting to get worried but you know it’s all part of her mind games. She’s trying to get you to worry enough that you go home to check on her where she’ll be waiting to ground you for eternity.

So you stayed put. The only time you left the apartment was for work, afraid that somehow Talia would find you and make you go back home if you left the apartment. That was the main reason you never gave her Peters address, so that you’d always have a Talia-free space to be in.

Yet they always warn and say that life is ‘unfair’. That people who deserve the best still have to suffer the worst at some point. Even the good people living their oblivious lives need to get hit with the truth sometimes.

Today you were getting your dose of truth.

You were at work, following Tony around and writing down things he had to get done so that he’d have a list. Then you were going to go sort files just for fun. His phone started ringing, which wasn’t unusual. Him being Tony Stark and Iron Man and all those other important titles.

But then he turned to you and motioned for you to follow him, which you did. Maybe it was so important he was going to take you to a top secret room where you’d finally be able to see all the Avenger stuff that Peter gets to see.

Alas, he was only taking you downstairs to security. Where your insane aunt was cussing at and threatening the officers. “You better bring me to her right now! That sick man has kidnapped my niece and none of you give a fuck! You’re all disgusting pieces of shit and it’s a damn shame that you’re supposed to be protecting people. If you value your life and your job you’d tell me where the hell she is!”

Tony went over to her to try and stop the commotion so she wouldn’t disturb people trying to work. You of course followed since it was your fault she was here anyways.

“You!” Her tone was so angry and her eyes were so shifty that you couldn’t tell which one of you she was directing said anger and shiftiness towards. “First you try to take away my Isabella, then you try to take away my (Y/N)?! You’re sick. She’s been missing for a week probably because you have some sick and twisted fantasy of trying to get Isabella back. Well you can’t. Come on, (Y/N), we’re leaving and you’re grounded for at least a year.”

Talia tried to grab you and take you with her but Tony didn’t let her, instead stepping between the two of you and shielding you. “I don’t think so. You come in here and interrupt my day, which I should add is a very busy one, to yell at me like it’s my fault she’s been missing. She’s obviously safe, probably safer where she is now than she was with you. I remember you Talia, you were just as bitter back then.

You hated me for loving Isabella because you loved her too but were too much of a coward to say anything. It’s not my fault I was there for her whenever you were off with some fling to take your mind off of her. And let me guess, you still didn’t get the girl because otherwise this would be your daughter, not your niece, that you’d treat with dignity and respect like a mother should. Please, you’re pathetic.”

From the look on Talia’s face you could tell she was ready to pounce and tackle him to the floor, then beat him bloody until the entire security department would have to come down to rip her off of him. But for once, she used her words.

“Anthony Stark, I’ll have you know that I’m not a coward. After your dumbass knocked her up I told her I’d runaway with her and help her put the baby up for adoption so we could finally live the life we always wanted. But apparently the life she always wanted consisted of a child and a husband, not just a wife who would’ve done anything for her. Yet I stayed and took care of the little devil. And this is how I get repaid? For her to runaway to her no good, deadbeat father? You can keep her for all I care, I’m done.”

She began walking away, and Tony chased after her. Meanwhile, you were frozen in place. Your brain and your feet were not in agreement. Your brain wanted to beat the shit out of Talia while your feet still needed time to process it all before going anywhere.

Tony and Talia got into another small screaming match, until Talia finally left. Not before slapping him across the face though.

After a minute had gone by since she stormed out, the gravity of her words finally hit you and sent you to your knees. Tony, who had been standing still and also trying to process this, immediately ran to your aid.

You flinched as soon as he touched you and ran out the same door that Talia did. Only you went the opposite way, heading for May’s apartment instead.

As soon as you were outside the door and about to knock, you felt as though you had exhausted her enough for the past week, and decided against bothering her anymore.

-=-

“What do you mean she’s not here? I already checked Talia’s house and she’s not there. And I know she didn’t go back to work because Tony would’ve called me!”

“I’m sorry, Peter. The last time I saw her was when you two left for work this morning.” May said quietly.

Peter began pacing back and forth and talking to himself. He had no idea what he was going to do. At this point you had been gone for an hour and could just about anywhere in New York.

He had to come up with a plan. There were a bunch of places you could be hiding, and knowing you, you’d pick the most complicated.

“She’s not with you, is she? I don’t even think she has your address but she could find a way if she wanted to.” He asked Ned over the phone while roaming the streets searching for any sign of you.

“No, I haven’t seen her. I’d come help you look if I wasn’t being basically forced to do the dishes right now. I’m probably not supposed to be on the phone right now.”

Before Peter could respond, he heard a door being thrown open and yelling coming from the phone, then Ned quickly hanging up. So he was going to be no help.

Peter was quickly exhausting his options. It’s not like he could think of any special place you two had that you could access without him bringing you up there. All those places were too high up.

The only place on the ground that Peter could think of…would be that overgrown playground in the park. He remembers when you first encountered it you were obsessed with watching the bugs and small animals interacting with it as if it had returned itself to nature.

As suspected, there you were, watching a lizard running up and down the moss and weed covered slide.

“I named it Georgie. I love Georgie.”

You said quietly when he sat down next to you. Peter wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in close to his chest, allowing you to hear his steady heart rate. He had calmed down now that he knew you were safe and alive.

He heard you sniffle a little and assumed you’d been crying this whole time, which was true. “She called Tony my deadbeat dad and said she was done with me. Now what? I can’t stay with you and May forever. You guys would get tired of me eventually. So am I just supposed to accept the fact he’s my dad? I’ve only known him for a few weeks and even then I’ve only known him as my boss. What if he wants nothing to do with me either?”

“For one, that’s not true. We could never get tired of you. Sure you kick in your sleep and you always eat all my apples but you’re like family to us. Family is bound to get on each other’s nerves sometimes.” Peter explained before continuing, “And I promise you, Mr. Stark wouldn’t just throw you out like that. I think he’ll take you in and let you stay with him. If not you’re always welcome with us. I promise.”

-=-

The next day you returned to work to speak with Tony. You had planned on avoiding this conversation for as long as possible but the truth got out and now it’s time to face it.

When you got to his office you contemplated just turning around and going back to May’s apartment to sleep your problems away. Just as you were about to put your plan into motion, someone came out of his office and greeted you, alerting Tony that you were there.

“(Y/N), let’s talk.”

tags:

@alohastitch0626 @breadglasses

#marvel #tony stark x daughter!reader #tony stark x reader #peter parker x reader #tom!peter parker #avengers x reader #xxnarcissa

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mindninjax · 3 years

Text

Awake

Bakugo x Reader (duh)

wc: 1.7k

A/n: Had a full on mental breakdown yesterday. Tried to sleep tonight. Couldn’t. Wrote this instead. I listened to Rain Clouds by The Arcadian Wolf while writing it and it’s the song that’s referenced in this. I could link it but I’m lazy and depressed so I’m not gonna *dabs sadly*. Anyway here’s a comfort Fic I guess.?

Bakugo: Hey

(2:38AM): uh…hey?

Bakugo: You up?

(2:39 AM): clearly… clearly I’m up Bakugo. Why are you?

Bakugo: Can't sleep.

(2:39 AM): oh. I’m sorry.

Bakugo: Come outside?

(2:40 AM): like outside outside?

Bakugo: What other outside would there fucking be?

(2:41 AM): don’t curse at me stupid. I meant the balcony? Or are we going for a walk or something?

Bakugo: Fine. Nevermind. Forget I asked.

…

Bakugo: Balcony.

(2:52 AM): gimme five to put on pants.

Bakugo: Ok

(2:52 AM): folk or classical?

Bakugo: Ugh neither.

(2:53 AM): neither wasn’t an option shit head. Pick one.

Bakugo: Whatever you played last time. It helped me feel far away.

(2:54AM): Folk it is.

You put your phone down, the light dying and drawing you back into the darkness of your room. It’s quiet, you can hear him rustling on the other side of the wall, hear the balcony door slide open in his apartment next door and then shut.

You sit in bed for a moment, your heart the only thing thrumming in your ears as you take a deep breath. The city is quiet for the first time in a long time. There are no cars on the street, no sirens, just the sleepy lazy sound of the wind blowing and alley cats slinking through the garbage filled alleyways.

Then you get up, grab a pair of sweatpants and exchange the large holey t-shirt you’re wearing for a comfy but secure cami top. You search around your room for the little Bluetooth speaker and pause when your eyes fall on your acoustic guitar. You smile to yourself, it's perfect. You’ve been thinking about the song, the chords should be easy enough to grasp, and the words have been drifting around your head for days now.

You grab your phone to send him another quick text.

(2:58AM): Change of plans. The roof.

He doesn’t hesitate.

Bakugo: Ok.

He’s up on the roof of your city apartment building before you are, gazing out at the city lights , the moon in the sky blazing white shimmering light through his ash blond locks. He doesn’t turn around or acknowledge your presence when you land delicately on your toes and deactivate your air quirk. He’s wearing a red tank top, must’ve had to change out of the usual black one he wears to bed from all the sweat. His shoulders look broad and you can see the scars rippling down the muscles of his arms.

“Took you long enough, even with your floaty little air quirk,” he taunts, back still to you.

“And yet you’re still here,” you quip back, rolling your eyes and grabbing a crate to sit on. You pull another over and plop it down across from you the same time he turns to join you on the other crate. He has dark circles under his eyes, there’s still a gleam of sweat shimmering on his jaw and neck. He watches in anticipation as you ready the guitar on your leg and hook your arm over it, expert fingers finding the correct chords to strum a lovely tune.

“What’s the occasion?” he asks, gesturing to the guitar. You smile down at the guitar, concentrating on the correct note in your mind to start the song.

“It’s a nice night,” you murmur, eyes still focused on the instrument on your lap.

The muttered “It is now,” is swallowed by the sound of you strumming the strings softly diving into the tune as you rock back and forth. You close your eyes and hear Bakugo take a deep calming breath in and out before you start singing the lyrics.

I'm being frightened by the people

They look at me like I'm a scar upon their perfect skin

Perfect to only them

I'm being shadowed by my past

Reminding me of what I was and what I could become

My sins should stay where they belong

The wind is blowing gently and you can smell Bakugo’s sweet scent on the breeze. His crisp pine scented body wash mixes with his smoky sweet scent and it almost feels like the two of you are sitting around a campfire. Your voice drifts dreamily over the lyrics, enunciating the words and basking in the ease of the notes while putting your own lovely spin on it.

Listen to my voice

Close your frightened eyes

Hide behind my love for you

Fear's only a choice

One that we all must make some day

So know you're not alone in this

It’s clear and strong like a bell, punctuating every phrase with meaning that sits in Bakugo’s core and makes his heart do that weird thing where it’s fluttering but also extremely tranquil at the same time. When you end the song and finally open your eyes, he’s looking at you incredulously.

“How do you do that?”

“Hmm?” you say, placing the guitar against a huge wooden pallet gently.

“How do you fucking do that? Every time. It’s fucking creepy.”

“You mind elaborating, dummy? I’m not a mind reader.”

“Coulda fooled me,” he grunts, rolls his eyes and folds his arms, pouting.

You roll your eyes before chuckling and answer the question you already know he’s asking. “Somewhere out there. Someone has made a song for every feeling you’ve ever felt. So I won’t take credit for that.”

“But you show them to me.”

“Yes,” you say this as if it’s an obvious statement.

“And play them for me.”

“Yes.” Again, another obvious statement. Why wouldn’t you play them for him. It’s why the two of you are here. Right?

“And make them….ya know… sound good and shit,” he says, stuttering over the words as his cheeks and ears start to turn pink.

You smirk, “You can say I sound pretty. I won’t tell anyone you said it,” you tease.

“Tch. Idiot.”

There’s a beat of silence, you’re lost in your thoughts staring up at the starry sky before you look at him again.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You’re going to even if I say no.”

“Correct. Why do you text me when it happens? Why me?”

He shrugs his shoulders, looks away sheepishly and doesn’t meet your questioning gaze. "Don't know.”

You raise a suspicious eyebrow, “Yes you do”

He sighs, holds out a hand to gesture as if it’s obvious. Why would you be asking this? Especially after the many nights the two of you have done this. “Just feels right I guess. And after we talk I can go back to sleep just fine.”

“You realize what that is right?” You lean in closer to him, elbows on your thighs, chin in your hands. “That’s called trusting someone.”

“Sure I guess.”

Another beat of silence and then a long winded sigh from you, one that definitely says “I’m tired of this” and it makes a shiver of fear run up his spine.

“Look Bakugo. I’m not usually one that skates around feelings. And as much as I enjoy late night jam sessions or sneaking out and gazing at the moon with you until you feel ok enough to sleep, I…”

He holds his breath, “What?”

“Hmm…” you have a finger up to your chin in the universal thinking pose.

His heartbeat picks up and his fingers start to fiddle in the pocket of his sweatpants. “Fucking what? You just said you don’t skate around feelings so what?”

You frown at him, “Hold your flippin’ horses I’m thinkin’ first.”

“‘Flippin’ horses?’ You’re such a weirdo.”

And now you’re glaring. "Speaking of thinking before speaking. You should try it.”

“Fuck you.” There’s no hostility to it and he knows you know it.

“Very original. ANYWAY, I was going to say despite your constant attitude and constant shouting, I still really like hanging out with you. So I’d like to not only hang out at…”you pull your phone from your pocket and gaze at the tiny blue screen, “4 AM”

Another pause as he processes his elation. He’s happy you’re not telling him this is the last time. But this isn’t the hard part. “Ok.”

You squint suspiciously. “I mean it.”

“So do I.”

“Then say it aloud to me,” you challenge.

This is the hard part.

He takes a few deep breaths and then… “I don’t wanna be just friends with you. I don’t know what any of that shit even means. All the stupid lovey dovey shit Raccoon Ey-”

“Ashido.”

It’s his turn to glare. “Fine, Ashido talks about all the time. All I know is no one talks to me the way you do. And I always feel calm around you. Calmer than usual. I always wanna hang out more with the idiots when you’re around to hang out with them too.”

You smile but hide it behind your fingertips. He doesn’t look finished so you nod to encourage him to finish.

“And I don't know what it is. But whenever I wake up from the fucking …” He doesn’t say the word “nightmare”. He struggles with it like if he says it he’s surrendering to weakness or something. “Whenever I wake up the only thing I think of is you. Wishing you were there, like a fucking idiot. But it never goes away, not until I text you and I see you and I hear your voice.” His head is in his hands, like he’s ashamed to admit this to you.

It’s quiet again, some cars from below have started bustling on the street. The morning wind carries his scent and the city's waking smells of coffee and fresh baked bread. You stand quietly and walk over to him, head still hanging in his hands as he crouches over on the crate.

You hug him, force yourself between his legs and wrap your arms around his head. And at first he stiffens but he doesn’t pull away from you or move out of your grasp. He just sits there with his arms hanging limply at his sides,eyes wide, and your arms wrapped around his head. His ear is pressed against your chest, listening to the city waking around you. You're warm and you smell impossibly good and he knows this is what he craves when he wakes up from those terrifying nightmares. Your embrace is the cure.

“I like being here. I like being there for you.”

Then his arms move up to wrap around your waist and he hugs you back and sighs into your chest. He stays there for at least 10 minutes listening to the steady beating of your heart.

And then he quietly mutters, “Thanks.”

#bakugo x reader #bakugou x reader #marquie writes #yea it’s unedited #I just told y’all I was depressed #sheesh #idk what I’m doing anymore #I’m numb and empty 🙃

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maddiwrites · 3 years

Text

Let Me Go

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Summary: This was requested! Y/N still lives with the Cameron’s following the death of her brother, but she’s being held there against her will. After many failed escape attempts, Y/N finally gets out of Figure Eight, but she’s far from safe. (The request was long so I’m going to link it here so you can see the full summary of what anon wanted!)

Note: I’m sorry this took so long to get out!!! I literally had half of it written and then it all deleted and I’m so upset because my first attempt at writing it was better but oh well. I hope you like it. Again, sorry for the long wait!

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: MENTIONS OF DRUG ABUSE, CHILD NEGLECT, GUN VIOLENCE, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THESE TOPICS TRIGGER YOU. PLEASE. SUICIDE HOTLINE: 800-273-8255

Masterlist

You weren’t always like this - sitting up in your unmade bed, staring at the blank wall in front of you like you could see through it, unshowered, trembling from your shoulders down to your toes, feeling empty from the inside out.

You forget what it’s like to be free. Following the death of your brother, you’ve been trapped like a rat in a cage. Figure Eight is no longer the luxurious part of the island to you. It’s filled with lies, manipulation, secrets, murder.

You’re still living at the Cameron’s. No, not living. Surviving. Ward refused to give his guardianship of you up. Some people wondered why - why would Ward want to live with the sister of a murderer? Yeah, that’s what they thought - that your brother killed Sheriff Peterkin and tried to kill Ward too. But you knew why.

Ward no longer treats you like a member of his family. He has you locked in your designated room on the third floor that’s basically only used as an attic and storage area. Your own personal prison. Because you know what he did - not only to your brother and his daughter but to your dad.

You felt like you were losing grasps of reality. You only knew fall was approaching because you could hear Wheezy talking about it to Rose outside your door. You guess the time of day by the sunlight through your window and the meals brought to your room.

Of course there have been times you tried to escape. You managed to run away a few times. The first time, you went straight to the police station and tried telling them that Ward was keeping you trapped in his home. Of course they didn’t believe you. Instead, they called Ward to come pick you up. He told the police that you’ve been experiencing delusions since the death of your brother. Without a second thought, they believed him and ignored your cries for help completely. The second time, you tried going to Kie’s, but the police found you first and brought you back to Ward’s now that they think you’re going through some kind of mental breakdown.

By now, you’re exhausted. You’re tired of fighting and arguing and screaming. You feel empty inside, craving some sort of release or embrace of comfort. You haven’t seen your Pogues in weeks, maybe months. You wonder if they still think about you. Do they blame you for leaving John B to go off by himself with Sarah? Do they hate you?

Not only is living inside an enclosed box hard enough, but dealing with the loss of your brother, friend, and father, is killing you inside. You can’t help but feel guilty that you weren’t with them. You and your brother were supposed to be partners in crime and you totally let him go off on his own. You feel like you abandoned him and that keeps you up at night.

Since your ways of coping are limited, you’re not proud to say you found an unhealthy way of relieving your pain.

When you were first locked up, you would scream and kick the door that hid you from the rest of the world, begging for anyone in the house to let you go. Never did it work, but one time Rafe got extremely fed up and raced upstairs to make you shut up. You didn’t know it, but Rafe was on the verge of a breakdown himself. His dad complete shut him out as he tried to fix the damage he caused. He assumed Sarah was dead. And Barry basically owned him, making him do all his dirty work. Maybe he deserved it, but he didn’t live a luxurious life either despite living in Figure Eight.

You took a couple steps back when you heard heavy footsteps approaching your door. Rafe quickly undid the locks and barged in so fast that he almost knocked you down.

“Oh my god. Do you ever shut the fuck up?” Rafe was breathing hard and quickly getting red in the face. You stumbled backwards, suddenly afraid of being alone with him.

You sniffled. “I need to get out of here.”

“You’re not leaving.”

“Please, Rafe. You got to get me out of here. Please!” You never thought you’d be here, begging Rafe of all people for help. Yet here you were. With no other choices left.

Rafe paced the room and raked his fingers through his hair. “You do realize you're not the only one going through something, right?”

You swallowed back your tears and scoffed at the Kook in front of you. “Seriously? Your family is keeping me locked in here like some kind of zoo animal! My brother is dead -”

“Sarah is too!”

“But that’s not my fault!” You screamed. You pointed an accusatory finger in his direction. “That’s yours!” Rafe froze and turned to look at you. You didn’t know where you grew the balls to keep going but you did. “I know what you did. I know what your dad is trying to cover up. And he’s using my brother to do it.” You saw Rafe’s adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed. “Why do you think your dad is keeping me locked in here?”

“Shit,” Rafe cursed. Now he knew why his dad gave him strict instructions to never come up to your room. He started shaking his his head and shaking in his skin. “I didn’t mean to - I - I - it happened so fast.”

You could go on and on about how Rafe would never be able to dig himself out of this hole. How he will never be able to convince you that he wasn’t guilty. But you didn’t. Because he’s the only one who could help you.

“Rafe, please,” You begged. “I won’t say anything. I just need to get out of here.”

Rafe sniffled back his own tears and fears and looked out the one window that looked out into the backyard of his home. He couldn’t let you go. He knew it was selfish, but he had to save himself.

“I can’t,” Rafe said.

A new wave of tears hit you and you felt defeated. You fell back on your bed and cried into your hands, hunched over above your knees.

“I’m sorry,” Rafe said, but his apology was as empty as you feel.

“Just go,” You rubbed your eyes hard enough to see stars.

You hear something light hit the bed next to you. “I know it’s not much. But this helps me get through all this messed up shit.”

When you didn’t look at him or whatever he gave you, he took that as a hint to leave and quietly left the room. You listened to each lock being fastened again, each one leaving a crack in your heart.

Rafe offered you something you should have never taken. A small baggie filled with fine white powder. You should have never even considered it. Drugs were never your thing. You wouldn’t even smoke with JJ when he offered a hit of whatever he was smoking. But the idea of anything taking your pain away enticed you.

And that’s how you ended up here. Broken, alone, and craving something only Rafe could supply you with. Literally. He came around every so often, sliding a small baggie under the door for you. It was the closest thing you and Rafe had to a friendship.

Today was particularly a bad day. It was dark and rainy outside and you remembered John B’s birthday should be quickly approaching. You missed him. God, did you miss him. You would do anything to hear his voice again or steal his clothes or go surfing in the ocean with him.

You trudged out of bed towards your dresser that held a faint line of coke left over from yesterday. With a one dollar bill, you sniffed the rest of it up your nose and blinked back the sting of tears that pricked your eyes after you did it. A rush of energy sparked up your body, through your toes and up to your head. You immediately felt lighter and that the world was spinning a little faster. But with that rush came a surge of emotions. You went from being sad to being angry real fast.

You hated Ward. You hated Shoupe. You hated this house. You hated Kooks. You hated yourself. You hated everything about the Outer banks. You just wanted to leave.

You find the closest thing to you, a small makeup mirror, and smash it against one of the locks on the door. You’ve done this hundreds of times and by now the door was scratched and bruised from your abuse, but you didn’t care. You didn’t feel the glass of the mirror slice into your skin as you continued to bang it on the metal lock. You didn’t care if Ward and the others heard you throwing another temper tantrum. You just wanted out.

When you felt the lock stumble to the side of the door, you froze in your place. You stared at the broken lock, wondering if this was all a dream or a hallucination from your high. “No fucking way,” You mumbled. You looked down at the door knob and repeated the same movements until the handle completely fell off and clattered to the floor.

You dropped the mirror and stuck two fingers through the hole in the door where the door knob use to be. While holding your breath, you slowly pulled the door open and couldn’t believe when it moved without any hiccup.

You never thought that you would get this far, and now that you were here, you didn’t know what to do. You felt scared. Cautiously, you stuck your head out to make sure no one was in the hallway. When the coast was clear, you tip toed throughout the house, listening to the eery silence that filled it. No one was home.

When you passed Rafe’s room, you stopped. You were out of supply and you needed more. Rafe owed you anyway, you told yourself. So you ransacked his room. Found about four more small baggies and stuffed them in your pocket before leaving.

As you walk through the halls, you pass Ward’s office and paused. It was open and unlocked. Even before all this shit happened, you never remember it being this way. You didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was the adrenaline from another escape attempt or maybe it was the cocaine, but you walked yourself into that office and looked around.

You cursed at all the accomplishments hanging on his wall, the trophies, and expensive relics of random shit. His desk was neat and orderly despite the major crime he was trying to cover up. You sat yourself in his chair, trying to imagine what it felt like to be him. Motherfucker probably felt like a king.

You went through his drawers, thumbing through random files you had no business looking through - most of it work related stuff and banking information. You tucked that one in your pocket for later.

Then you hear something thump against the drawer when you pull it out. A revolver. Small and silver. Cold against your fingertips. You breath hitched as you brought it up to your face. It felt like you were holding a bomb. An object that could change your life forever. Another fresh set of tears threatened to roll down your face but you shook them away. No. No more being sad.

You shut the drawer hard and walked out with a couple new items in your possession.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Pogues were spending another dreary day at The Wreck. The September sun might be out, but their spirits were down. Two of their best friends are dead and the other is trapped with two murderers. They were scared for you and have tried everything to get you back. They tried talking to the cops, they tried breaking her out. But each times the cops got in the way. They were running out of hope. At this point, they didn’t even know if they would ever see you again. They just hoped you were okay. They knew you tried escaping a few times and prayed that you would eventually get yourself out of there soon.

“JJ, you gotta eat,” Kie sighed as she watched JJ play with the fries in front of him. If anyone was handing it the worst, it was JJ. Both John B and Y/N were his best friends first. Hell, he was in love with Y/N. Had been since the sixth grade. One of his biggest regrets is that he never told you. Now he didn’t know if he ever would.

“’M not hungry,” JJ mumbled.

The door above the restaurant entrance rang as a couple of police officers walked in for their lunch break. The group of three glared at them as they walked in with their cocky stride and their hand resting on their tasers and guns as if everyone should be scared of them.

“Fucking cops can’t do their goddamn job,” JJ sat back in his seat and flicked one of his fries down on the table. He hated them. More than he ever had. He couldn’t believe these people took an oath to protect this county. Fucking cowards, all of them.

“Fucking assholes,” Kie said and watched her father approach them with a friendly smile.

Pope snapped up when an idea popped into his head. “Sarah’s sister.”

“What?” Kie’s brows furrowed.

“School starts next week,” Pope explained. “She’s starting high school, right? What if you tried talking to her? Maybe you can -”

Pope paused when he heard the sound of the police radios echoing off the walls from their belts.

“Code10-92. Runaway teen last reported on Baker’s Street. Proceed with caution. Last seen wearing black sports shorts and a white tank. Suspect may be armed and dangerous.”

JJ’s head snapped back to his friends with his brows pinched together. Could this be you? Could you have made it out again? But what did armed and dangerous mean? That didn’t sound like you.

Shoupe radioed back to the station. “On our way.”

The officers dropped ten dollars in the tip jar before charging out the door to go to their vehicles.

“We gotta go,” JJ stood up first and stuffed his phone and keys into his pocket. The other two nod and follow him out the door. If that call was about you, they wanted to find you before the cops did. “Okay. Kie, go home. She tried going to your house last time. Maybe she’ll try that again. Pope, go to Heyward’s. She trusts your dad. She might try to find him for help.”

“Where are you going to go?” Pope asked.

“Everywhere else.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You trudged through your old home with heavy feet. Nothing in there felt familiar to you - like it belonged to you in another life time. You first went to your room and stared at the girl in the mirror. You didn’t recognize her. Bones sticking out of your skin, dark bags under the eyes, and cracked lips and dry skin.

Without thinking, you took the gun that’s still in your hand and smashed it against the glass, shattering it all around you.

Ignoring the stinging in your hands from the shallow cuts on your skin, you moved on to the next room. Your brother’s room. It looked like a tornado made its way through here. Everything was tossed and turned from the police and FBI ransacking it during their search for John B. Nothing felt like it was John B’s anymore. Nothing felt private. And that pissed you off.

Next you went to your dad’s office, somewhere you haven’t been since you found the compass. Even now, it felt like you weren’t supposed to be in here. If you believed in an afterlife, you would think your dad would be shaking his head at you.

The office looked like John B’s room did. Whatever belonged to your dad now belonged to the state. The only things left were random files and belongings the police didn’t find of importance. But they were important to you.

The first thing you found was a picture in a cracked frame of you, your dad, and your brother from when you were ten. Your dad was holding both of you as you blew out the candles on a birthday cake. Looking at the picture, you felt your heart being shredded apart. The picture only brought back pain and grief. You wanted that happiness back that ten year old you portrayed in that picture. But you can’t have it. Ever again.

A cry ripped through your throat as you chucked the picture across the room. From there, you went on a rampage, throwing and kicking anything that was in your way. You took one of the baggies out of your pocket and dumped it on the desk in front of you. Without any precision, you fixed the lines up with your finger and took a long whiff. You gripped the roots of your hair and tugged as you sobbed loudly and felt one of the biggest headaches explode in your brain.

You paced back and forth in the office with the gun held in your shaky hands. You were mumbling to yourself about your options and how horrible of a sister and daughter you were for leaving your family behind. You wanted to see them. You wanted to be with them and prove to them you never meant to abandon them.

You didn’t hear the door to the Chateau open or the sound of footsteps following your cries. It wasn’t until you heard his soft, delicate voice that you turned around and stared at your best friend with wide eyes and a startled expression.

“Y/N...” JJ breathed out. He didn’t see the gun yet. He just saw you, crying and broken and not looking like the girl he knew only a few months ago.

“What are you doing here?” He didn’t recognize your voice either. Hoarsed and scared. “You’re not supposed to be here!”

“The cops are looking for you! Okay? We need to get you out of here!”

“I’m not leaving!”

“What?” JJ looked at you like you grew two heads. “What are you talking about. We -”

“No! I said I’m not leaving! Agh!” Your hands flew up to your pulsating head and gripped at your hair again. The pounding in your head was excruciating and wouldn’t go away. Between the cocaine, your cries, and the exhaustion, you didn’t think it would ever go away.

That’s when JJ saw the gun and took a shocking step back. His hands immediately flew up in surrender and he gulped down his nerves. Now he knew why the cops had called you armed and dangerous. Probably because Ward reported a stolen gun. JJ never knew you to be a violent person. It wasn’t in you. You couldn’t even hurt a fly. Which meant you didn’t steal this gun to hurt someone else. But probably...

Then his eyes flickered to the desk where he saw the reside of white powder next to an empty baggie. Now he was petrified because he didn’t know how to get through to you - if he even could get through to you.

“Y/N, baby. Put the gun down.”

“No,” You shook you head. “No, no, no. I need to see them. I need to see my dad and John B!”

“Y/n...”

“I should’ve gone with them. I should’ve - I - I didn’t mean to leave. I’m so-sorry, John B. I’m so sorry.” You were a mess. Tears and snot and running all over your red and puffy face.

JJ kept looking between you and the gun. His only comfort was that he knew you didn’t know how to use it. You wouldn’t even touch the one he stole from Scooter Grubs. But that didn’t mean accidents couldn’t happen.

“I can’t do it anymore,” You continued. “I can’t go back there. I won’t. I won’t. I just want to see my dad.”

JJ took a hesitant step closer to you and nodded his head, keeping his hands up. “Okay. Okay. What if I helped you see your dad?”

“H-How?” You hiccuped. JJ didn’t know where he was going with this. He just knew he had to get that gun out of your hand. He took another step closer to you, but this one made you jump back. “No! No! Stay away!”

“Okay, okay!” JJ yelled back at you. “Hey. I’m here to help you, okay? Whatever you want to do.”

“I want to see them. I want to say sorry. I - I’m so sorry.”

“Y/N, they’re not mad at you-”

“I’m sorry, daddy, I -”

With you distracted, JJ took the opportunity to run at you and tackle you to the ground. He ignored the pang in his heart when he heard you cry harder, wondering if he hurt you, but he cared more about keeping you alive. He wrestled the gun out of your hands and quickly emptied the cartridge. He chucked the multiple pieces across the room and wrapped himself around your crumpled body.

“No! No!” You shrieked in JJ’s shoulder and gripped onto his shirt for dear life. “Please! Let me go!”

JJ held on to your crumbling body as you wracked with sobs. Exhaustion quickly took over you as the adrenaline slowly vanished out of your system. Your throat was on fire from all the crying and the screaming. Your chest felt empty and your lungs heavy. All you wanted was to close your eyes and never open them again.

JJ couldn’t hold back his own silent tears as they ran down his cheeks. He hated seeing you like this. And he hated even more that he didn’t know how to help you.

“It’s going to be okay,” He said as he brushed the hair out of your face. He kissed the top of your head with his soft lips and kept mumbling into your head. “You’re going to be okay. I’m never leaving your side again. It’s going to be okay.”

He didn’t know if he was trying to convince you or himself. He jus knew he had to make you believe it.

About ten minutes later, he felt your body relax against his. When he found you fast asleep, he pulled out his phone and texted Kie to pick the two of you up.

Until Kie got there, he stared at the delicate skin on your face with such admiration. Rage bubbled through this veins as the ideas of what you possibly went through in the that hell hole in Figure Eight.

He knew it was going to be a long road to recovery. He knew there was a lot of fixing that needed to be done. But he made a promise that he will never let you out of his sights again. Because today was a close call. And he never wanted you to be that close to death ever again.

#jj maybank fic #jj x reader #jj fic #jj maybank #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank one shot #jj mayback x reader #outer banks imagine #outer banks fic #obx imagine

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bastillewolf · 3 years

Note

Hey I know you probably have like a billion requests already but maybe you could do something where the reader is good friends with corpse (maybe with some unspoken feelings) and they ask him to visit their country side home lmao-

I'm really embarrassed about asking this and I know it sounds strange but being out in the country side can be really good for mental health and I just want this boi to heal--

I'm so sorry hahah

Thanks

That’s not strange at all, darling!! I love this ask! I’m so sorry it took me so long to answer this, my mental health hasn’t been very good lately. I suppose I found this ask rather appropriate and I guess that’s why I liked writing it so much. Hope you enjoy!

Sunrise, Sunset - Oneshot

Pairings: Corpse Husband / Reader.

“Yo,” is the first thing you hear as you open your Discord. It’s not his regular greeting, and he sounds more tired than usual.

“What’s up?” you asked curiously. “Everything okay? Haven’t talked to you in a while.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I got really busy.”

“I can tell from your voice,” you chuckled. It had more of a rasp to it- if that was even possible.

“Yea, I can’t do too much for too long. I love that I’m able to work on music now, but it exhausts my voice so much that I can’t even stream sometimes.”

“Maybe you should take a break,” you comment.

“Probably. It’s almost done, so then I can stream more,” he replies.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Hm?”

“I’m talking about an actual break, from everything.”

You hear him exhale deeply as if he’d already been considering it himself. “That does sound very nice.”

“I know, I always have the best ideas.”

“You do, except you forgot about the fact that I can’t really go anywhere. I mean, I’d love to take a break, but if I just sit here at home, I’m gonna either end up doing nothing or start working anyways. I don’t see me relaxing that way.”

“I didn’t forget about anything; I just hadn’t gotten to that part yet.”

“Oh?”

You’d be lying if you said that noise didn’t make you blush. “Remember how I said I live in the countryside? You know, it’s quite cosy here, and I have a guest bedroom to spare. If you want, but only if you’re comfortable with it, you could come over.”

It was quiet for a moment and your poor nerves were wondering if you’d said something completely wrong. You knew how he was about his privacy, but you’d figured that having known each other for a more than a few months now, you’d be at a point where you’d become actual friends, especially considering you always talked over Discord. At least, when he wasn’t busy.

“I... You wouldn’t mind?” he asked softly.

“Of course not!” You immediately replied, trying your best to make him feel as welcome as possible. “It’ll be so much fun! I was just worried you wouldn’t feel comfortable with it, otherwise, I would’ve invited you over a lot sooner.”

“Really?” he asked.

“Yes! I’m always looking for people to take care of my chickens.”

“You have chickens?” he sputtered.

“Sure do. And that was a joke, by the way.”

He didn’t really give you much time to prepare. He’d instantly asked if he could come over in two days, which meant you had to clean, do the groceries, and have another mental breakdown within that short time.

When he did arrive at your relatively small but homely cottage, you knew that even if you’d had more time, you still wouldn’t have felt like you’d prepared enough. You were incredibly nervous, especially as the cab slowed to a nerve-wracking speed until it finally stopped in front of your little wooden fence that really couldn’t keep anyone out of your garden because it was so ramshackle.

You nod your head to the driver politely, who got out of the car to unload a bag from the trunk. Then, the door opened, ringed fingers sliding across the yellow polish on the metal framing. He pulled himself up and out, finally allowing you to take a good look at his face.

His hair was dark and curly, as to be expected from what you’d seen in the pictures, though you could barely see it underneath the hood he’d pulled up. His dark brown eyes immediately found yours, and a shy smile graced his lips, which you bashfully returned with a small wave. It made you want to hit yourself multiple times. He paid the cabby and thanked him, allowing you to take a good look at his attire, at his frame, at his whole being. He was wearing a black hoodie with some chains around it, along with dark baggy trousers and, go figure, black sneakers. He was slightly slouching, probably so the driver wouldn’t be able to make out his face in its entirety, but overall he looked lean, even while his face was more pale and tired, with dark circles surrounding his eyes.

He locked the creaky wooden fence behind him, quickly closing the distance between you two with only a few strides. He dropped his backpack on the floor, saying, “hi.” “Hey,” you replied with that stupid smile still on your face and now quite possibly a hint of red dusting your cheeks. He just chuckled at the slight awkwardness of the situation, before wrapping his arms around you in a warm hug. He smelled like nice cologne, and he gave really good hugs. It said a lot that you could tell that from just the one. “Thanks for letting me come over,” he muttered, finally allowing himself to sound as exhausted as he looked.

“I told you, it’s nothing.”

When you met his eyes again as he pulled back, you knew he was quietly telling you that it meant more to him than that. Feeling shy under his dark gaze, you shook your head, saying, “Come on, let me show you around.”

It wasn’t that big of a tour, but it was home and it was comfortable, so you never felt embarrassed about it. You made enough money, to be fair, from your career through YouTube, but you’d never really had the heart to leave the house. At least you had a guest bedroom, and the garden was something to dream of. To trade that in for a bit more storage space would be such a pity.

“-and this is going to be your room, for however long you wish to stay,” you finish with a flourish of your hand. He set his suitcase down on the freshly made bed and nodded, glancing around for a bit before his eyes landed back on you. “Did I tell you how much I appreciate you doing this for me?”

You huff, “Once or twice now.”

“I’ll be off your back in a few days, don’t worry. I think I just needed to get out of my stuffy apartment for a bit.”

“Stay as long as you’d like,” you told him assuredly, “I know how stressful it can be and I haven’t even been through what you have. I can’t imagine what it must be like.”

He shrugs, “I have my ups and downs. It’s mostly my health issues and anxiety holding me back.”

“Well, I hope you can relax a bit here, then. People seem to feel more at ease without a bustling city around them,” you said.

He glanced out the window and nodded. “Yeah, I immediately noticed it as I got out of the car. It’s so... quiet here. And the air, of course. It’s so much nicer.”

“I usually take walks in the early mornings. You should come along sometime if you’d like. The sunrise is always really pretty when you get up on the hill.”

The corners of his lips quirked up. “I’d like that.”

“Great,” you replied, clapping your hands together, “I’ll let you get settled and start dinner. The uh- the bathroom is shared, I left a stack of towels on the rack so you can use those.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

You nodded shyly, silently closing the door behind you as you stepped into the hall. You let out a deep sigh and leaned back against the wall, pressing the backs of your hands against your cheek in a vain attempt to cool down the heat and tone down the redness. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d reacted this way but the times you’d spend talking about everything and nothing with Corpse through Discord calls that lasted until the early mornings. You knew you shouldn’t be feeling this way. You didn��t want to risk the friendship you had with him, but the tingling that had sprouted in your gut the moment he’d gotten out of that car told you that this was going to be hard.

You knocked on his door quietly, afraid you were accidentally going to wake him when he didn’t want to be awoken. You didn’t know what kind of morning person he’d be, but he told you yesterday that he wanted to join you for your walk today. And while you were going to leave half an hour later than usual because it took you that long to work up the courage to knock on his door, meaning you were going to have to hurry a bit to catch the sun rising, you were still scared he was going to react grouchily. But when he opened the door, already dressed and ready to go, you realized you’d foolishly forgotten that this wasn’t just anyone, but that this was one of your friends; someone you already knew, even if it hadn’t been physically. Of course, he’d open the door with a smile, even though he looked more tired than the day before, which worried you.

“How did you sleep?” You made it evident in your tone that you were rather scared to ask the question, but it made him chuckle.

“I think you already know the answer to that. I don’t sleep well in general, so don’t worry. It has nothing to do with the bed or your hospitality.”

“Well, if there’s anything I can do for you, I don’t mind being woken up.”

He shook his head as he followed you downstairs and out the front door. “To be fair, I slept more than I usually would, but your rooster woke me up.”

You laughed, “Yea, I’m sorry, but I can’t do anything about that.” You held the wooden fence gate open for him, following him to the grass field until you were walking next to him. You silently picked up your pace a bit, worrying that you might miss the sunrise when you had promised it to him.

“I know, I know,” he replied amusedly, “Can we go see them later? The chickens?”

“Sure,” you smiled, “I also have a few ducks. You’ll love them, they’ll try to rip the shoelaces from your feet.”

“Sounds great.”

The walk to the hill wasn’t too far, but the hill was quite steep, which was always an exercise for people who walked with you for the first time, so you’d figured he’d start trailing behind you after some time. Thing is, he started trailing behind relatively earlier than you had expected him to.

Glancing back over your shoulder, you called out, “you good? We’re almost there.”

He nodded, though you could see him slightly panting, and you turned around to jog up the last bit until you reached the top. You could see a sliver of light start to peek over the horizon, making you glance back to see how far away he was.

But instead of having moved forward, he was now sort of slouched over, holding his stomach as he panted loudly. “Shit,” you cursed yourself as you sprinted back down until you skidded to a stop in front of him. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry, I should have slowed down-“

“It’s fine,” he waved you off, slowly catching his breath. “I can do it, I just take a bit longer.”

“I’ll carry you if I have to. I got us into this mess.”

He chuckled, but it sounded a bit hoarse.

“Come on,” you said. He furrowed his brow in confusion but followed you anyway. Walking along the side of the hill was tricky, but you made it around without any issues. He was able to keep up this time and gratefully plopped down on the grass beside you, just in time to watch the sun fully appear from behind the horizon.

“Holy shit,” he breathed.

“Yea, it never really gets old.” You laid down, feeling twigs of grass tickle the bareback of your neck.

He joined you, scooting a bit closer until your arms were brushing against each other. You couldn’t tell if he’d done it on purpose, so you acted like it hadn’t affected you, keeping your eyes fixed on the sky above you. At least, you tried. They flickered when you felt fingertips graze across your lower arm until they reached your palm, where his nails slowly dragged along your skin until his warm digits intertwined with yours. His rings felt cool against the heat and tingling you were suddenly feeling in your hand. He didn’t let go of you, not as you laid there for what seemed like hours, nor during the entire walk back.

‘Is this what friends do?’ you were silently asking yourself, watching the ducks try to free his shoes from its laces, ‘is this what friends do when they need support? Is this his way of coping, or is it-‘ You quickly shook the thought away. Of course, he wouldn’t think of you that way. He probably did stuff like this with all his friends. You knew how playful he could get, his guy friends included.

Yeah, it was just that. It had to be.

You were both laid back on the couch that night, stuffed to the brink with the famous lasagne you’d put together. The TV was on, but it sounded more like static noise in the background. “I think I can just fall asleep right here,” you hummed. The glass of red wine you’d shared – because neither of you could handle liquor – had created a pleasant buzz between the two of you.

“That seems a lot less comfortable than your bed.”

“You don’t know a thing about my bed,” you huffed indignantly.

It was quiet for a moment then, a sliver of tension seeping through the warmth of your home. “I think it’s probably about as comfortable as mine, otherwise you’re treating your guests too much,” he replied.

“I don’t know,” you admitted, “I’ve actually never slept in the guest bedroom. I might just be treating my guests too much and I’d never even know about it.”

He suddenly sat up and turned the TV off. “Come on,” he said and was already up the stairs by the time you’d made an attempt to move.

When finally reached the upstairs and were about to round the corner, you were suddenly picked up and slung over his shoulder, causing you to let out a loud shriek. “Corpse!” you laughed, “Please put me down!”

“You were taking too long,” he grumbled, dropping you down on the bed unceremoniously. He shuffled over until he was laying down next to you and lifted the covers up until it reached your neck.

“So?” he asked.

You had your eyes closed. “I might be treating my guests too much.”

He snorted. “Fucking knew it,” which made you laugh.

You laid there for quite a while, not really caring if either of you fell asleep with your regular clothes still on. “Hey Corpse?”

He hummed.

“I’m really glad you came. It gets lonely over here sometimes.”

He shifted, but because it was so dark you couldn’t really see what he was doing. Suddenly though, you felt him hovering over you, his elbows resting on either side of your face as his hand reached across to move a strand of hair to the side. He leaned down and hesitantly, his lips barely touched yours, a silent question if this was okay. You moved back against him, your hand finding his cheek in the darkness. His kisses were gentle, but passionate, which made your breaths heavier and deeper. When you pulled apart, you were both breathing heavily, mostly from the tension that had arisen.

“I really like you,” you admitted.

“Good,” he replied, wrapping his arms around you until you were tucked against his chest. You hit his arm playfully, “Cocky bastard.”

You hear the smirk in his voice as he said goodnight.

TAG LIST CLOSED!

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#corpse husband #corpse #corpse husband x reader #corpse x reader #among us #youtube fanfiction #miss you!#cat girls are ruining my life #e girls are ruining my life #cabin fever #white tee #never satisfied

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rowanaelinn · 3 years

Text

Fire on Fire - Chapter Six

this is finally going somewhere! i had to cut this chapter in two otherwise it would have been six thousand words so… sorry for the cut😬

Warning for sucidal thoughts in this chapter.

chapter five // chapter seven

“She did not!” Aelin laughed loudly, still in her nightclothes. “Why do we always miss that?”

“Miss what?” Sam asked as he entered the room, two bowls of cereals in his hands. He gave one to Lysandra and brought two spoons so Aelin could eat in his bowl. Lysandra and Aelin just woke up, it was four in the afternoon and Aelin didn’t eat anything since last night, so she was starving.

Aelin, Lysandra, Nehemia, and Sam might have partied a little too hard last night. So this morning, Aelin and Lysandra decided to stay home. Sam didn’t look happy about Aelin missing class but he didn’t say anything, knowing Aelin’s mind was made. He came back from school an hour ago and woke them up.“Gods, I love these cereals,” she moaned at the taste. Aelin loved food, and it showed on her body. The only good thing about her injury is that now she didn’t have to pay attention to everything she ate to fit in stupid costumes. She might miss dancing but she loved food more.

“I finished the last box, by the way.”

Aelin nodded, making a mental note she’ll have to ask Quinn to go grocery shopping as soon as she could.

“Leave me some, Lys,” Nehemia said as she threw herself on Aelin’s bed. She was glad to have a gigantic bed when the four of them were home, which is almost all the time lately. Nehemia threw her hair behind her shoulder, silently asking her friends to pay attention to them.

“That color suits you, Mia,” Aelin smiled and it was genuine. Nehemia had fresh new braids, they started black but ended in a deep ocean blue. The girl never wanted boring colors in her hair and almost everything suited her. Lysandra and Sam agreed with her, making Nehemia smile arrogantly. But Aelin knew that Nehemia was hiding a real smile behind that.

“Might dye my hair blue to match you,” Aelin said and Nehemia looked thrilled.

“Don’t you dare!” Sam said, turning to Aelin and almost spilling the cereals and milk on her bed. “Your hair is so pretty. Buy a wig but don’t you dare dye it.”

“Excuse me?”

He pouted, “Please?” Even with this ridiculous face, he stayed beautiful. She loved the twinkle of mischief, the hint of exasperation at her, and the kindness that made her feel good, the kindness that made her want to be the best person she could be.

“Okay,” She sighed and he had a victorious smile drawn on his face. “Let’s go for the wig.”

He smiled and kissed her, pout-ring all his love for her in it. She could spend years kissing him. “You two are gross,” Lysandra complained, Sam and Aelin pulled apart and Aelin sent her best friend a vulgar gesture.

“Anyway, Lys, what did we miss?” Sam asked again, this boy was the most curious of the four. He liked to hear gossip about everyone.

“Ansel was high at Nox’s party two days ago.” Aelin was sad they missed a party just to be at a Gala, but her parents were home for once and demanded that she was with them.

“You’re joking?” Nehemia asked and laughed as she took Lysandra’s spoon to eat some cereals. The brunette threw the dark-skinned girl a look that promised violence.

“You’ll never see me taking drugs, that’s for sure,” Aelin sighed and rested her head on Sam’s shoulder. “God, I already regret drinking twice in a week.”

“Good,” Sam said and she rolled her eyes.

The four friends spent hours talking and laughing together. They practically all lived at her home, anyway. Sam and Lysandra’s families were fucked up enough, so they spent their time here. Nehemia’s parents worked too much to notice that she didn’t come home most nights. Aelin’s parents were never here either, so she welcomed the company.

When it started getting dark outside, Aelin’s phone rang. She had no idea who called her but it could be one of her parents, calling her from wherever they were now or even Aedion who had a habit to lose his phone.

“Hello?”

“Aelin?” A deep voice asked and Aelin thought she recognized it in the back of her brain but she couldn’t put a name on who it belonged to.

“I’m not trying to be rude but, who are you?”

The man laughed and the sound gave her chills. “It’s Arobynn Hamel. Your mother was supposed to give you my phone number but I guess she forgot.”

Her body froze. Arobynnn Hamel. Of course, she knew that voice, she had watched enough interviews of him to become familiar with it, she even met him two days ago. She sat straighter in her bed, attracting the worried gaze of her three friends. With a more serious face than they had ever seen, Aelin motioned for them to remain silent.

“Oh gods, I’m sorry, Mister Hamel. She didn’t give me your number, I’m very sorry.” She was so embarrassed, Mala knew how much Aelin would be mad at her mom for it. Her friends looked surprised at who called her.

“Calm down, Aelin. It’s okay.” He comforted her as he laughed softly. “And call me Arobynn.”

“Alright.” She said and waited for him to explain why he was calling her, not that she wasn’t happy about it because she was. She just knew she would embarrass herself if she opened her mouth and started talking.

“Are you doing anything tomorrow night?” He asked and Aelin furrowed her brows. That was weird but exciting at the same time.

“No, I am free. Why?”

“We didn’t have a lot of time to talk Saturday and I think it’s a shame. I am still in Orynth for two days and would like to talk with you. Your mother told me you wanted to be an author or work in the publishing industry, is it true?”

“Yes,” it was the fastest answer of her life. Yes, she had always dreamed of working around books.

“From what I’ve heard, Aelin Galathynius, you are special. I’d like to see that by myself. Allow me to take you out for dinner tomorrow and we can talk about your future.”

If Arobynn Hamel helped her… She could become a successful author. She could picture it, a small house, Sam at her side, a study full of books she wrote, a life away from the spotlight, a happy life. It’s exactly what she wanted. Special, he thought she was special.

“Dress code?”

He laughed again and Aelin couldn’t help but smile. “Something like the dress you had on Saturday should be good. I’ll pick you up at seven, is it good for you?”

“Perfect.”

They hung up and she looked at her friend, still surprised, and smile. She was thoughtfully happy.

“Aelin?” Aedion asked, tearing her from her daydream. “You there?”

“Sorry. What is it?” She was tired and hungover, she didn’t get lots of sleep last night and she was feeling the effects. Dorian had left early this morning, long before anyone woke up. It was better than having to face Aedion’s judgmental looks.

“I asked if your scholarship got renewed for next year, Lysandra got the answer in the mail yesterday so you’re supposed to have yours too, right?” She looked up from her bowl of cereals, confused for a second. When she met Rowan Whitethorn’s face, with the same confused expression as her, she remembered.

Lysandra, Aedion, and everyone else believed she got a scholarship, frankly, she had no idea how they believed her. But they never had a reason to distrust her, that’s probably the reason.

Most of her relation with Arobynn was secret and the money he spent on her was part of the lie.

“Yeah, everything is taken care of.” She smiled, it was the truth in a way. She dared to look at Rowan and she didn’t why, didn’t know how, but she knew he didn’t believe her. She could see it in his frown and eyes.

“Good,” her cousin smiled as he drank his coffee.

She smiled back, he was worried for her, she knew it. It’s exactly why she didn’t tell him anything, he didn’t need the stress. “I’ve got everything under control.”

---------

“What are you still doing here?” Arobynn asked, startling Aelin. She had been too busy on her computer to hear him coming. “It’s past nine, we finished hours ago.”

They both had worked for hours today and she was tired. “What are you still doing here?” She asked.

“I asked first, darling.” He sat in his chair in front of her. She was still in her seat, the chair almost belonged to her for all the time she spent on it. She wanted to be annoyed at him but today had been different. He had been different. He wasn’t the Arobynn she had known years ago but he was close, closer than he usually was lately. Aelin was pretty sure he hadn’t had a drink all day, which could explain his mood. That was a good thing.

“I’m writing and waiting for my cousin to check his damn phone so he can pick me up.”

“Where’s your car?”

“Broken,” she grilled through her teeth. The damn truck had decided not to work this morning, causing Aelin to have a nervous breakdown. “A friend of mine had a look at it and told me it would cost me more to repair it than to buy a new one, so here I am, depending on my cousin.” She hated it, hated to depend on someone. But it seemed to happen a lot lately, so she might have to get used to it. “What are you doing here?” She repeated.

“My meeting lasted two hours,” he said, his voice hard.

“Ah, sucks when you have to actually do your job, right?” She remarked and didn’t know if it was a reproach for the way he over-worked her or a teasing. Maybe both, she didn’t want to wonder about it too much.

“Someone’s feisty today,” he joked and she fought a small smile. “Ready for Monday?”

“I already told you no, Arobynn.”

“Why not? You finish the school year in four days.”

“I have a job, Arobynn. I can’t just-”

“Everything’s taken care of.” He cut her off with a smile. It was the kind of smile that told her he had done something and was feeling rather proud of it.

“What.”

“Did you know Rofle was my friend? After a drink or two, he agreed to let you come back in September, right after your internship at Hamel Publishing.”

“And you did that after I told you no?” Her tone was rising. “And are you friends with everyone here?”

He rose from his seat to stand right before her. She had to raise her head to look him in the eye. One of his calloused hands rested on her cheek, caressing her cheekbone. "You know how powerful I am." She did, Arobynn wasn’t just a successful author or the CEO of a publishing company, those were just hobbies for him. He had grown up in a rich family, had been raised to be like every rich people. He had learned how fake smiles and words were weapons, how to manipulate people. He had a way to manipulate everyone he called his friends, whether it was a picture, a video, or a letter. He had something on everyone. “I once promised you I would make you shine, Aelin. I won’t let a shitty job ruin that promise.” For years he had told her she was special, he had told her she could reach the stars should she just let him help her. And for years she had believed him, so she decided to do it again. She only nodded and it seemed to be enough for him.“I’m calling a cab for you.”

“No.”

“No?” His voice was surprised. “Is it because of the money?”

“For fuck sake Arobynn I can afford a cab ride,” that was a total lie, but he didn’t need to know that. “I just… can’t.”

Understanding and pity flashed on Arobynn’s face and she had to keep herself from yelling at him for it. “You still can’t?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” She said voice hard that didn’t let room for questions.

“Pack your things, I’ll drive you.” This was what Arobynn from four years ago would have said, what the Arobynn she had come to know would have said. In a flicker of hope, she said yes. Hope that she could erase what happened between them, that she would forget like Arobynn repeatedly asked her to, and just start again because she didn’t know how to survive another person leaving her.

-----------------------------

It was the middle of the night when Rowan heard her cries.

At first, he had ignored them, trying to give her privacy. It was unusual of her to let someone hear her, so Rowan thought it might be very bad. But after five minutes of cries, he couldn’t stay in his bed anymore.

When he walked into her room, his heart broke a little. She was in bed, sleeping, trashing against the sheets, crying, and trying to talk. Even with only the light from the bathroom, he could see the pain written all over her face.

He couldn’t take it, he couldn’t just walk back to his room and ignore her. So, he shook her shoulder, trying to wake her up but it didn’t work. She kept jerking in her bed as if she was fighting with the pillows and her blanket.

“Aelin,” he said, using both his hands to shake her. “Aelin,” he repeated louder. Her eyes jerked open, she turned her head several times, trying to figure out where she was. Her whole body shook and a second later she leaned over the bed and vomited her guts out. Rowan held her hair back, avoiding touching her directly so as not to overwhelm her.

When she lay back down in bed, she was still crying, her limbs shaking as if she were hypothermic even though Rowan could see the sweat glistening on her skin.

Rowan had only seen one person look so wrecked in his entire life, himself. He saw it every time he woke up and looked into the mirror. It was worse ten years ago because he had no idea how to hide it, in a decade he learned how to conceal everything. How to recognize which night was most likely to give him a nightmare, learned how to stay quiet while he felt like dying inside.

“You should take a shower,” Rowan said, voice softer than he has ever used with her. He had been wrong, so wrong.

“I don’t think I have the strength.”

“To shower?” He asked but there was no judgment, he only wanted to make sure.

“To live.” Her small voice broke and his heart did too. When she looked up at him, eyes filled with tears, Rowan didn’t see anything but desperation and loathing. He knew it wasn’t directed at him but at herself.

“Come here,” he said as he slid his arms under her body. “We’re gonna clean you up, okay?” He lifted her up from her bed, avoiding the content of her stomach on the floor as her weak arms curled around his neck and he guided her to the bathroom.

————

@sheharahu // @morganofthewildfire // @thestoriesyoutell // @fromthelibraryofemilyj // @swankii-art-teacher // @itsforeverinnocent-blog // @becarefuloflove // @imnotsogoodatthis // @rowaelinismyotp // @a-court-of-milkandhoney // @feysand-loml // @surielandiareendgame // @live-the-fangirl-life // @story-scribbler // @loves-books // @fangirlprincess09 // @theysayitscrazy

#rowaelin fanfiction #rowan whitethorn #rowaelin #rowan x aelin #aelin galathynius #fire on fire

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daydreamingsora-fics · 3 years

Note

hi! i was wondering of u could do headcannons for how bokuto, kuroo, kita, tsukki and iwaizumi would react to their girlfriend who had really long hair for a while impulsively cutting it at her shoulders. I recently did just that after growing my hair out since the 5th grade and I like it but my mom says it looks terrible. thank you so much <3

<sora's memo> hello! I only chose three of them, I didn't put Iwaizumi and Tsukisima. But don't worry, I planned on making another part for middle blockers + aces, so I prolly would add them there! Anyways, I believe no matter what hair style you have, I think it suits you because who short hair makes you look more fresh and mature... well... for me hehehe. I hope you're doing great would enjoy this headcannon. Sorry for making you wait! have a great day!

<another memo> hi everyone sorry for not posting very often, my schedule is very hectic for the past few months. but here's a headcannons of hq captains reacting to their s/o who cut their hair short impulsively. I prolly would do part 2, so if you want to see any hq charac just sent me an ask. Stay safe everyone!

Haikyuu Captains reacting to their s/o impulsively cutting their hair short

CHARACTERS: BOKUTO KOTARO, KUROO TETSURO AND KITA SHINSUKE

BOKUTO KOTARO

you haven’t cut your hair since you entered middle school ‘til your last year in high school.

and you started dating bokuto on your second year.

bokuto already loves your long hair, he loves to touch your soft hair and loves the smell of it too.

but when he saw you enter the gym with a short hair

the big baby was shock.

it’s just like yesterday when he saw you with long hair but now your long hair gone short.

the whole team too are shock when they saw you with short hair.

bokuto is excited and happy to see you with your new look.

he was about to walk towards you but his teammates went to you first.

“y/n, you cut your hair...”

“short hair looks good on you”

“I never thought you will cut your hair that short”

the boys complimented your short hair when they saw you.

“well, I did this impulsively yesterday sooo... yeah”

you said as you reach for your shoulder length hair

“wait! I heard that when a girl cut her hair short, it means she’s moving on something right?”

konoha asked you teasingly which make the baby owl anxious

“konohan-san” akaashi said with a warning tone because he lowkey don’t want to deal with bokuto’s emo mode.

the third year just chuckled while their captain is now lowkey in panic because of what he heard.

“Y/N!!!!”

“IS THAT TRUE? ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME??”

“PLEASE DON’T”

bokuto continues to say something about you breaking up with him, while konoha chuckled and akaashi is shaking his head

“i will do-”

“bou, I am not breaking up with you”

“wait, really?”

“yes, please don’t believe on what konoha had just said”

when you said that, bokuto sigh in relief then gave you a squeeze hug

“I got scared there a little”

“yeah, a little”

you mocked him which makes him break the hug and looks at you with a pout.

“HEY!!”

you chuckled which make bokuto’s heart pounded.

in his eyes you look even more pretty with your shoulder length hair.

actually for him, he doesn’t care if your hair is long or short

for him you’re pretty no matter what style of your hair.

“anyways! why didn’t you bring me with you when you decided to cut your hair!”

he pouted then crosses his arm which caught you off guard

“uhm because you should rest”

“awwww you love me so much, y/n”

“your hair looks good on you baby”

and the boy started to shower you compliments about your hair and you as a person.

KUROO TETSURO

we all know this dude prefers long hair

anw, I think when he saw your short hair this man will be shocked

he will be like: /insert shock pikachu/

“WHY?”

that’s only thing he will say, why did you cut your hair.

you have your hair long since you are in high school

also you and kuroo are actually schoolmates during your high school days

you know him because he play volleyball but for him, he didn’t know you until the two of you became classmate in college.

anw, the two of started dating in college because the two of you are blockmates.

you’re now in the last year of college and you know shit became so stressful

out of stress, you decided to cut your hair short

even though you know kuroo loves your long hair, you still did because you’re an impulsive girl

so, the day after you cut your short, you’re in the living room of your apartment with your laptop, finishing some of your requirements

then kuroo entered your apartment and called your name, to know if you’re in there.

“y/n, are you there??”

“I’m at the living room, baby”

kuroo went straight to the living room and he suddenly let out a loud gasp when he saw your hair.

Kuroo: /GAAAASP/

dude was really shocked while you, you looked confuse because you literally forgot that just cut your hair short.

“did you just cut your hair?!”

“oh, yeah I did”

“WHY?!?!?!”

he asked you hysterically while you just shrugged.

“because I am too stress and also impulsive af” you answered him, unbothered with your boyfriend slowly having a mental breakdown.

“but-”

“shush you pretty mouth of yours, I know you love my long hair but I am really feeling this kind of look”

you cut him off, while your boyfriend let out a defeated sigh and took a sit beside.

He rested his arms on the back of the couch while you instinctively lean on him.

he just looks at you and observes your new look and he can’t help but agree that you’re looking fine af with your new look.

‘maybe short hair is not that bad’ he thought to himself.

KITA SHINSUKE

Kita will actually like notice it immediately.

he will be the one to pin point it, that you cut your hair.

though he will not show that much of reaction to you.

but when his other teammates notice he it and showers you compliment about your new look.

boy, this dude will lowkey warns his members because he is actually jealous that you’re getting a lot of attention.

you kept hair long since your middle school but one time, in your 3rd year high school, you thought of cutting your hair which you actually did.

so when you go to the school with your short hair, everyone was shocked, like your classmate.

your classmate told you that you look great with your short hair, something like that.

during your lunch time, when Kita first saw your hair, he immediately pointed it out.

“you cut your hair short”

“yes, I did”

you answered, waiting for your boyfriend to say something more. highkey waiting for him to compliment you

“you look great”

“uh- thanks”

‘is that it? is that all he gonna say to you?! I just look great? not beautiful?’

you sighed deeply trying to calm yourself from smacking your boyfriend’s head because you demand more compliments.

kita looks at you and asked if you’re okay and you just answered him that you’re tired.

later that day you went to the gym because you want to watch your boyfriend’s team and of course him as they practice.

when you entered the gym, everyone are still chilling and haven’t start their practice yet. it seems like they are waiting for their coach come.

the boys greeted you, like it’s normal for them to see you watch because duh you’re the girlfriend of their captain.

as they greeted you, one of the twins noticed your new hair style.

“Oh! you cut your hair short!”

Osamu pointed out excitedly which catches everyone’s attention.

the team gathered around you and showers you compliment.

“wow, short hair really suits you!”

“you look cute with your hair short”

your fellow third years complimented you while you smiled at them and gave a little thanks.

“I think like I might have a crush on short haired y/n-san”

Tsumu said out loud which catches everyone attentions, especially your grey haired boyfriend.

“As much as I hated to agree with this dumb dude, I can’t help but to agree with him”

suna commented which made you blush and feel flattered.

Atleast these boys gives you compliments unlike the other grey headed boy⏤ I AM JOKING PLS DON’T HATE ME

you gave them a small thanks as they continued to shower you compliments about your hair.

Meanwhile, Kita, who’s watching you silently, can’t help but feel a little bit jealous because he noticed how you suddenly felt flustered when Suna gave you a compliment.

And as he continue listening to his teammates giving you compliments, he gets even more jealous.

so to catch his teammates attention, he cleared his throat and gave them his famous cold look.

everyone went silent when they saw their captain looking at them intensely and each one of them gulped.

everyone knows that kind of look that means, and they are scared for their lives.

Aran looks at you like he is asking for help but you just chuckled.

“good luck with your training guys!”

after the training, you and kita walked together and as you both were walking he held your hands brought it up to his lips.

he gave the back of your hand a kiss which makes you blush

he looks at your flustered face with a flirty smile plastered on his face

"you look very beautiful and sexy with your new hair style, my love"

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honestlywtfisgoingon · 3 years

Text

A Match Set

Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Pairing: Benny Watts x Reader

Summary: After meeting one night in New York, you and Benny Watts are drawn to each other. As you go through different experiences with one another, you grow closer until it finally gets to be too much for Benny.

Word Count: 2685 Damn

Warnings: Alcohol and also a little sad?

Notes: hehe the plot continues... also please give feedback I’m still new to writing and can use the help 🥺

Your first date with Benny was like all your experiences with Benny. It started out ordinary, and ended up somewhere completely different.

He took you to a small cafe, one of those hidden spots known only to New York natives.

You and Benny sat down in a little corner of your own, and you felt an imbalance when he didn’t look nervous at all. After you ordered you relaxed a bit, finding out that he was just as anxious as you were. Sure, Benny had an incredible poker face, but the way he kept tapping his cheek while he leaned his chin on his hand had been the tell.

On the outside it looked as though the two of you were on a regular date, exchanging all the usual smiles and small flirtations, but that’s where it got a little more interesting.

Benny wasn’t conventional and didn’t care to be, and you were always trying to get past the surface of things. Neither of you cared for menial small talk, and instead went straight into a passionate exchange of thoughts and views. You ended up talking like you had known each other for years. There was a connection there, an obvious chemistry that you hadn’t found before.

There was a second date after that, and it was even better than the last. He had taken you to dinner that time, and once again you found yourselves falling back into discussion about various thoughts and ideas, nothing boring or ordinary.

As you cracked jokes back and forth and learned more about each other, you had a warm feeling. You recognized that for all these last few months, being with Benny was the first time you really felt at home in New York.

That was before, but this is now. Now is when a part of you shattered. Now is just after you got a devastating call that your father was sick.

“Thank you,” you said before hearing the click of placing the phone back on the receiver.

Thank you for what? You were just told your father was dying and you were supposed to say thank you? You had finally gotten the chance to go beyond your small town, thinking everything at home was safe, that it was taken care of. It was your father that convinced you of that.

Living where you did had it’s limits, and there wasn’t much for you there. He pushed you to get out and explore, telling you that you didn’t need to worry about him.

You were taken from your thoughts when you looked at the time, realizing Benny would be picking you up soon. You could’ve canceled, considering the recent circumstances, but you were grasping for normalcy at the moment, trying to shove away the awful reality you were just hit with. You told yourself it wasn’t because you were running away, you were just being considerate of benny. Yes, you were just being considerate. That meant you could push off thinking about all this until you got home.

This time, you and Benny were walking together in Central Park, and you were trying to pay attention to what he was saying as best you could.

“Hey, y/n?” You heard benny’s voice break through the numbness.

“Sorry, what?” You were embarrassed that he caught you blatantly ignoring what he was saying.

“I was asking if you were able to come to to the championship, but I think you’ve got other things on your mind.” He didn’t seem offended, more concerned.

“I’d love to, I know how important chess is for you, and I haven’t gotten the chance to see you get really competitive.” He would’ve been happier to hear your answer had he not seen straight though you.

“Right now, you’re what’s really important to me. Just tell me what’s really going on.” His admittance for caring about you would’ve made filled your heart yesterday, but today it made you want to run away.

“Nothing is going on.”

“You’ve been off the whole day, I just want to know why.”

“Nothing is going on. Why are you so convinced that there is?” Your tone became slightly more aggressive.

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me right-“

“Just leave it Benny!” You snapped, letting go of his hand and and walking away from him. You didn’t know why you took off from someone you liked so much, but you didn’t really know why anything was happening at all.

You were stopped as Benny ran after you and grabbed you hand firmly. You tried to pull away, but he was stronger than you. He spun you around to face him. You became acutely aware of the tears that had started to fall from your eyes. Looking up into his eyes was your breaking point.

You let out a sob before caving into him. You felt his arms wrap around you before letting him usher you to a bench. He held you for what seemed like forever, until you were too tired to cry anymore. He was rubbing you back and gave you a little smile when you faced him. You apologized and hastily wiped away your tears, but he insisted that it was ridiculous of you to be sorry. You still felt guilty after your breakdown, so you explained what was going on to make it up to Benny. You couldn’t exactly run away anymore, physically or emotionally.

“It’s my dad. I got a call this morning. He’s sick, but he wants me to stay here. How am I supposed to stay here, dealing with a new job, a new life really, while my dad’s back home dying?” You let Benny see all the stress you were under, ready for him to leave now that he’s seen you as a mess.

“All those things, you have to take one at a time. If your dad’s what’s important right now, just focus on that.” It was easier said than done, but Benny wasn’t the emotional type and he didn’t know exactly what to say, but he cared, that much was clear. You just nodded, trying to pull yourself back together. “Are you going to listen to him? Are you going to stay here?” You could tell that behind his question, he was scared that you would say no.

“I- I don’t know yet.”

“Whatever you need, I’m here.” He said as he gently placed a hand on your cheek. It was smooth and warm and you wanted to lean into it, but you snapped out of it.

“Maybe what we both need is for you not to here.” You didn’t want to hurt him, but your walls had rushed back up. You had so many things going on, and the last thing you needed was a boyfriend. It pained you to say it, but you wanted to be honest.

“I don’t have to be here as... whatever we have going on now... but I can be here as a friend.” As of today, romance was off the table for you, but a friend was different, and Benny wasn’t the type to let go of you so easily, even if a friendship was all he could get.

You just nodded and looked down into your lap, not knowing what to do now. Benny knew it was time for silence, so he held your face in his hands so you looked up at him. He didn’t say anything as he used the pads of his thumbs to wipe away the tears sitting on your cheeks. It wasn’t a romantic act, it was more endearing, a quiet action as if to say that he was willing to catch you if you fell.

You let out a small laugh at his little gesture. His eyes radiated a sort of comfort now that you he was edging into a part of your life that even you avoided.

With the intention of continuing your date that wasn’t really a date anymore, he grabbed your hand to pull you up from the bench. When he tried to let go, you didn’t let him. He looked at you curiously but he didn’t question it. You didn’t even know why you did it, still mentally screaming to push him away. You both just ended up going along with it, holding hands for the rest of the day until he walked you back home.

Nearly 3 weeks had passed since then and you hadn’t gone out or had contact with anyone. Despite your moment with Benny, you had still distanced yourself from him. Holed up in your apartment, existing off of gin, cigarettes, and frozen foods; ignoring calls, presumably from your friends.

You sat in the middle of the living room floor, forcing yourself to sketch. It had been therapeutic for you before, but now you found yourself more agitated as your drawings felt forced.

“Argh!” You yelled out into the room as you threw the papers across the floor. The one thing that you could always turn to was your ability to do art, and now you felt a block.

After taking a swig of gin, you laid back on the floor. You had turned to alcohol after another call with your father. He demanded that you stay in New York and that you go on with your life. Instead you felt like you were at a standstill, unable to keep going knowing that the one person left in your life wouldn’t make it another couple of months, and yet you were unable to see him. It made you hurt and angry that he didn’t want you home, but you wouldn’t go against his dying wishes.

You groaned when you heard the sound of the phone. You dragged your hands across your face when it wouldn’t stop ringing, forcing yourself up to confront whoever was pestering you.

“What the fuck!”

“Glad to know you’re alive.” Bennys voice greeted you.

“Can’t you tell when someone wants to be alone?” You missed Benny, but you were slightly drunk and your defenses were up.

“What someone wants and what someone needs are two very different things.”

“Well then tell me what I need.” You said sarcastically.

“You should come out with us. We’ve been calling, Cleo and Annette and the rest of us. We haven’t heard from you.”

“Well the reason you haven’t heard from me is because I haven’t been answering.”

“Funny,” he said humorlessly, “we all miss you.” He paused, “I miss you. And I said I’d always be here so I have to make good on my promise.”

You paused. You had to admit, you missed them and Benny too, but everything just seemed so scary right now. For all your philosophies and ideas, you were hiding from your own thoughts. Going out with people would only expose them.

“I can’t.”

“You don’t have to have a night out, but have coffee with me at least.”

“Benny I-“

“Great. I’ll be there in five.”

“What? Benny no-“ He hung up. The bastard hung up on you. His audacity was what actually made you laugh for the first time in days. After a minute of laying on the floor, you gathered energy to trudge over to the bathroom and make an attempt to clean yourself up. Looking at yourself in the mirror, you made a grimace at your reflection. You brushed your hair and washed your face, brushing your teeth twice to get rid of the alcohol on your breath. You swiped some face makeup to conceal your dark circles and changed out of the pajamas you had been living in.

You buzzed Benny in, expecting him to wait downstairs in the lobby like usual. Instead you heard a knock at the door in the middle of clearing things up. You got flustered as you rushed around to pick up glasses, pillows and other articles littering the floor.

“I thought we were going for coffee,”You said as you opened the door, panting slightly.

“I thought I would make things easy, come to you.” He said as he made his way in, slinging his arm around your shoulder, “plus ive never been in here.” He took a look around, making no comments about the state of your apartment. He made himself comfortable, going through your kitchen, presumably looking for coffee or something to eat. “Do you want anything? More gin maybe?” He said as he picked up an empty bottle sitting on the counter.

“Benny-“ you warned, silencing him. He joined you on the couch with some chips he found in the cabinets and a can of coke.

“We don’t have to talk about anything serious, I just don’t want you to be alone. For my own sake really.” He turned his head away from you while saying the last part.

“You know I should be a dick more often, I’m making you all soft.” You nudged him in the shoulder as a small smile crept up on his lips, lightening the mood. Something about him being there made you unconsciously drop your facade. You had to admit it was nice to relax for a moment.

“Hey don’t go telling everyone.”

You didn’t talk about anything serious like Benny said you wouldn’t. After a while you eased into laughing and chatting casually. Eventually the conversation reached a comfortable lull.

“I missed you too you know. I didn’t say it over the phone.” You told him. Having him here with you made you feel bad for your outburst. You admired his patience for you.

“I knew.” He shrugged as he gave you a sideways little smirk.

“cocky bastard.” You said jokingly.

“Your favorite cocky bastard” he tilted his head towards you as he lifted his brow, smiling.

“Top 3 maybe.” You leaned back like you were pretending to think about it.

Suddenly you remembered what you talked about before the little breakdown you had on your walk.

“The championship! Do you still want me to go?” You sat up with your sudden remembrance.

“Course I do. I didn’t know you would still be up for it.” Benny looked happy, but you could tell he didn’t want to get his hopes up.

“I didn’t think I was, but I didn’t want to miss you winning.” You ruffled his fluffy blonde hair. He gave you that cocky smirk again. You really won points by stroking bennys ego.

“Well we can drive together then. It’s next week.” He said it nonchalantly, but he smiled as he took a sip of his drink.

You paused, not realizing the championship was so soon. You thought you had at least a month. You didn’t feel as though you were ready to enter back into the world yet. Just Benny was alright but having to hold your own with all those people while Benny played scared you. Benny caught your hesitation and went to hold your hand. They were chess players hands, soft with long fingers that intertwined with yours. They were cold and his rings were a bit uncomfortable, but your breath still hitched a bit.

No. You said you wouldn’t get involved with him. Still, you kept your hand in his. It was probably the one mildly romantic thing either of you could get without risking the friendship falling apart at this time.

“How exciting,” you finally continued. You lifted your coke and you and Benny cheers-ed together. Once again that warm feeling of home crept in, that feeling you got when being with Benny. No matter how many walls you built up, Benny, someone you hadn’t even known for more than a couple months, had an amazing way of bursting through.

Just this morning you were firmly committed to becoming a hermit, and now you were planning a road trip. You chalked it up to Benny being special to you. No, you pushed that thought away again. Special in a friend way. That’s what you needed, and that’s what he was willing to be. You were in a state of conflict around him, shoving him away and holding his hand to pull him close. You shook off your thoughts and looked at Benny, and there was a moment where his eyes shone with admiration, and then it was gone as he turned his head away and continued to talk about one of his chess feats while you listened attentively, just happy to be around him again, even if it was unwillingly at first.

#benny watts x reader #benny watts fanfiction #benny watts imagine #benny watts fluff #benny watts smut #the queen’s gambit #queen’s gambit #benny watts #Thomas Brodie-Sangster

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newswcanonprompts · 4 years

Text

Skywalkers are immortal eldritch fucks (there’s so many ways this can go)

1. How does being half-force affect Anakin as a force ghost

Anakin... wasn't properly dead. just a bit too present, a bit too lively, and that if only someone pulled hard enough on the veil, he could be made to bleed again.

Anakin just keeps coming back to life, And so do Luke and Leia when they die.

"You've done it, you've killed Anakin fucking Skywalker. Wait, why is he standing behind you? Where's his body gone? Oh fuck, what is that expression? Oh no!"

This happens to Vader and terrifies the f*ck out of literally everyone

the man is the son of the Force, yes? how could he "become one with it" if he basically already was part of it? or at least, made of it?

It'd be either kinda horrifying or basically a regenerate-your-limbs get out of jail free card

Anakin turns up in Luke's temple one day, like "hey turns out I can't die"

Luke is just happy to have a Dad

imagine the backlash if that little factoid ever went public. "What do you mean Darth Vader can't die???"

"You mean he's alive right now????"

Obi-Wan realising he can't have a peaceful retirement in the afterlife because Anakin's apparently immortal now

Anakin starts trying to figure out how to make Obi wan immortal too

Ahsoka is so confused at everything

"You look a lot like the Hero with No Fear from the Clone Wars. Are you his grandson or something?"

"Nope, I am him."

"Freaking weird Jedi and their not aging."

2. how terrifying it would have been if during the Dooku fight in AOTC his arm just regrew the moment it was cut off

3. them realizing this during the clone wars: CHECKMATE BITCHES

imagine the propaganda if there was a General who literally couldn't die

the Seperatists wouldn't know which way was up anymore

Anakin realised he had this sort of ability during the clone wars it would be hilarious to see him just throwing himself at things

he could protect his men better

Imagine how distressing it would be for a shiny to just see their general die and then come back seconds later

And Rex being like "Yep, the general does that."

just rubbing his eyes. and being completely done

Imagine the bitching sessions with Cody "At least yours resurrects! Mine just runs off without his kriffing lightsaber and armor all the time!"

clone boys have a heart attack whenever their general just decides to regrow limbs

rex faints the first time he sees anakin's arm grow back.

instead of the whole "my general keeps losing his lightsaber" it becomes "my general keeps losing his arm"

"My general keeps dying."

"Oh, how many have you been assigned to now?"

"No, no, he gets better again afterwards."

the 501st never tell the shinies that their general is immortal because the vets like to fuck around like that

it's kind of a right of passage for shinies to almost have a heart attack when the general comes back from the dead

Anakin is basically just the "if all else fails" option at that point because no matter what happens to him, he will be back at the temple annoying the hell out of everyone before dinner time

Anakin gets mortally wounded and is like "Well, I'll see you in five."

Droids: * shoot Anakin *

* Anakin: * dies *

Anakin, 5 minutes later in the middle of a crowd of droids: SURPRISE BITCHES!! * Murders them all *

Anakin dying to Dooku at the end of Attack of the Clones and then coming back and Dooku just being like "Fuck this shit I'm out."

him coming back and chasing dooku with his arm

Imagine the moment they find out Anakin can come back from the dead:

Ahsoka and Obi-Wan just sobbing their hearts out and then suddenly he's behind them like "Hey, bold of you to presume I'm mortal."

He pulls a Percy Jackson, and walks into his funeral.

mace windu utters a quiet "are you fucking kidding me"

next time anakin dies, his funeral includes a "welcome home anakin" banner

Mace stops letting the Yoda Lineage have funerals because they don't stay dead

They keep having funerals for Anakin just as an excuse to have a party

what if politicians don't know this. like the first time he dies during the war, and all the diplomats are there. Except Padme. She knows all and is just there to see the chaos.

They're usually private funerals, so they can keep inviting new people to screw with

"general skywalker just died"

"senator he's right here"

"i saw him die protecting me right before my eyes"

"senator do you need the healers?"

Obi-Wan, just watched Anakin go splat at the bottom of a ravine:

“ANAKIN!!”

Anakin, popping back into the mortal coil just behind him: “Yeah? What's up?”

obi-wan finding out about a Anakins thing and keeping it a secret,

so one day anakin dies and the whole council is like, mourning

obi-wan is just rolling his eyes and saying “it’s fine he’ll be back”

everyone thinks obi-wans having a mental breakdown

but then anakin walks into his funeral with a cup of caf and sunglasses and flashes everyone a peace sign

All of Yoda’s lineage (except dooku) and padme know.

"can you guys not cover me in white next time? it's pretty boring"

"can i get, like, glitter? is that a thing? make it a thing"

Skywalkers can also breath in space.

They just don’t have to breathe.

4. THE FORCE IS A PROACTIVE PARENT IN THIS (AND AGENDER) (THEY/THEM PRONOUNS)

during the time it takes for him to resurrect, the force and anakin talked.

Bc that's the only time he could talk with a tangible parent.

he learns about palps that way

one time Anakin dies twice in one day

turns out the ability has a bit of a cooldown time so everyone's just panicking a bit because he should be back by now

then he appears like three days later

Obi-Wan's like "You bastard."

"Gotta keep you on your toes."

Really his parent just wanted some more time with him, and who was he to refuse?

a cracky! anakin basically having annual dinners with The Force because of how often he dies in the clone wars

in this verse the clone wars was created so Anakin & his parent The Force can have family dinners

Mortis, but instead of All That Nonsense, it's just a nice episode of meet the parent

padme dies, and then at her funeral she comes back, but force sensitive.

force sensitive, immortal, padme amidala. The seppies are going DOWN

The Force wills Padme to die because The Force wants to meet their daughter in law

It does this for basically everyone Anakin cares about

sometimes anakin and padme just drop dead, and wake up a few hours later bc they had a family dinner to get to.

"I'm going to kill you" is suddenly the literal way for Anakin to say "I love you"

Anakin dies on Mandalore and Satine witnesses it and she's horrified and doesn't know what to tell Obi-Wan but then she sees Obi-Wan talking to Anakin and she's so confused

So if anakin kills you and you’re someone he cares about you come back to life immortal.

Death By Skywalker basically being a way of becoming immortal is gonna fuck with the war so much

when Palpatine tells Anakin to kill all the jedi he thinks Palpatine is telling him to invite all the jedi to his Force Family Dinner

One day the entire Jedi temple just dies all at once, and comes back a couple hours later, to the confusion of literally everyone (including the Jedi)

yoda is frequently killed to spend time with the force because after 900 years the two of them are tight as fuck

Anakin doesn’t have attachment issues in this bc hey, people die all the time! :)

He also ends up being worshipped as a demigod.

More Angsty version of this: young anakin kills palps bc he thinks he'll resurrect, but then the tangible form of the force appears and explains that he was the sith master.

Palpatine would probably actually try to get Anakin to kill him, because hey! Free immortality! Don't mind if i do!

5. Imagine if this was something he discovered as a little kid. Anakin going off to visit Qui-Gon in the force and Obi-Wan wondering what eldritch beast he has ended up with as a padawan

"Anakin what are you doing?"

"I'm making master Qui-Gon a friendship bracelet?"

"...master qui gon?"

"yeah! i gave one to my parent yesterday and master qui-gon said he wanted one too!"

"Your parent? when exactly was this yesterday?"

anakin being a convoy for dead masters and their old padawans like Weed Dad qui gon jinn and his Struggling Son obi wan

anakin has two parents

Parent and Mom

#star wars #the clone wars #long post #anakin skywalker #the force #obi wan kenobi #padme amidala #yoda #master yoda #palpatine #count dooku #mace windu #captain rex #commander cody #tcw #qui gon jinn #eldritch

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nevertheless-moving · 3 years

Text

Suicidal Misunderstanding X

Star Wars Time Travel AU #27

Part I - - - - - Part II - - - - - Part III - - - - - Part IV - - - - - Part V - - - - - Part VI - - - - - Part VII - - - - - Part VIII - - - - - Part IX

“I realize this is incredibly difficult,” the Nautolan Soul Healer said calmly. “But in order for us to help Obi-Wan, we need to determine the cause of his current disconnection with reality. Based on the drug panel, and convenient surveillance, we have, to the best of our ability, ruled out temporary psychosis brought on by a drug interaction.”

Cody stiffened further, not sure how to react to anything anymore. When a brother tried to end his own life, it was usually obvious why.

Sife Aerdo continued on. “There have, of course, been cases of Jedi Seers giveing into their fears of the future, or losing their sense of reality, but every case study involving such an extreme reaction was the result a gradual degradation over the course of many years. Nevertheless, it seems clear that Obi-Wan experienced a vision, and it may have impacted his breakdown to some extent. The more we know, the more successful any attempts to convince him of reality will be.”

Bant furrowed her brow in thought, trying to replay three decades of increasingly vague discussions of nightmares.

”Considering the high profile nature of his position, we cannot rule out some kind of psychological attack, perhaps even a darksider incursion.

Anakin leaned forward intently, the inside of his skull buzzing with white noise.

"All that being said, we must be prepared to treat Obi-Wan’s self harm as the culmination of a long and quiet mental health struggle. He would not be the first in the Order to disguise such a thing with durasteel self-discipline.”

At that, Bant and Mace took a moment to release their feelings to the force, while Anakin raised his shields defensively.

Master Aerdo finally hesitated, before continuing in the same smooth tone. “I would ordinarily prefer to structure this kind of conversation quite differently- allow Obi-Wan time to share his feelings first and invite you each separately to support him in the healing process. But he’s gone from fighting sedatives and force compulsions as though the fate of the galaxy depended on it, to a self-induced coma. All while barely lucid, yet still somehow maintaining Master Class mental shielding. We need to get a better understanding of his mental landscape if we’re going to even begin the process of treatment."

It is necessary to note that everyone in that room had led, in one way or another, a somewhat miserable life. This was the main reason none of them could claim that the next five hours were the worst they had ever experienced.

“But he’s always had terrible sleeping habits.” Anakin said hoarsely.

“Yes, but I think they got worse after Qui-Gon passed,” Bant argued, not sure what point she was making.

“When I pointed out he couldn’t be getting more than three hours a night he told me that he could manage on meditation” Cody offered irritably.

“That’s technically true,” Mace confirmed. “If the Master in question is well-balanced otherwise”

“So its like his eating habits, crushing responsibilities, and repeated exposure to violence, then? Completely fine for a Jedi, in less it’s not, in which case it’s a major red flag?”

“I think it would help to establish a timeline.“

Aerdo actually dredged up old mission reports, leading to the group reluctantly contacting Ashoka for her memories of Mortis.

At her Master’s insistence, she told them everything she remembered, hazy as it was, nervously elaborating on her own memories of falling. To her confusion, Master Windu all but brushed past that, assuring her that the important thing with stepping into darkness was the choice to the return to the light. Anakin bizarrely agreed with Windu. Out loud. Unnerved by the cooperation more than anything, she put her holographic foot down and demanded to know what was going on.

Anakin took the comm-link into a separate room to speak privately.

Upon return, he informed the group (with a visibly red and puffy face) that Kit would be escorting her back from Mount Cala cleanup early, daring anyone to disagree. Windu nodded and the conversation continued on.

Together they rewatched holo-footage of Obi-Wan laughing amongst Ghost company the night before last, and debated reports from psychometric investigators who had scoured the cantina as well as Obi-Wan’s personal quarters for traces of illicit substances. Between that and another drug panel, they were finally forced to conclude that despite the timing, the alcohol at most confused Obi-Wan’s perception of a vision, or possibly simply loosened his tongue.

Bant prodded Cody to repeat every word from the holocar ride to the temple, taking furious notes. Cody was unable to stop the heat that crawled up his face.

Just when the looming horror of Obi-Wan actually preparing to intentionally die started to break over Anakin, Windu interjected.

“You don’t see what I do,” the Harun Kal said grimly. “Something galaxy-sized shattered around Obi-Wan and he didn’t break from it. The closest comparison I have is Master Yaddle’s presence when she meditated on her confinement. He’s chosen to keep going, even when, quite frankly, death would be a release. We’re missing something fundamental.”

“He said there were ‘other dark forces at work.’ Even if the fight was objectively hopeless... there’s no way he would choose to die because of it!” Anakin agreed vehemently, shaking off morbid fears.

“But he did choose to die.” Cody said quietly. And the wind went out of Anakin’s sails.

“Lets go back.”

Anakin gritted his teeth as they picked apart everything ‘unusual’ Obi-Wan had said and done leading up to his visit with Bant.

“What exactly did he...”

“So Plo Koon was able to get a read through his shields?”

“Did he have anything to eat?”

“How did that compare to...”

“When he's mentioned things in the future...did it seem good or bad to you?” Bant asked.

“Bad.” Cody and Anakin said in unison. Remembering the trip to the temple Cody spoke again, “Definitely bad.”

“Right. When we were talking he sometimes used the wrong tenses for things, people. I confronted him on not knowing ‘when’ he was after Knight Skywalker left. He told me that he knew what was real, but he was “enjoying not fully living in the moment” he also said that he intended to “wake up”

“Enjoying? That’s the exact word he used?” Cody asked incredulous.

“He did seem...mostly happy yesterday. Giddy, at points.” Anakin said, slumping in on himself.

Bant looked at her notes once more before addressing the group.

“This isn’t vision psychosis in any manner I’ve heard of before...but I think I might have a theory. He used to have intense visions when we were kids; plenty of us did sometimes, but Obi-Wan would be unable to sleep after. What terrified him more than anything was the uncertainty that he might make the wrong choice- even when the vision was about something good, or neutral. His visions gradually stopped coming around puberty. We just had a conversation about this a few months ago- how relieved he was to only have to manage flashes of precognition. If he had a random, horrifying vision of a terrible future...suicide wouldn’t be his reaction. It’s too final.”

“Even if he blamed himself for what he saw coming?” Mace asked.

“Especially if he blamed himself.” Bant said.

“What’s your theory?” Aerdo prodded.

“What if...what if he was telling the truth when he said he could separate out what was real and what was not? What if there was no distortion or blurring between now and then? What if he was just wrong about which was which?”

“That...would be a very extreme and abnormal manifestation of force-induced psychosis. He has training in distinguishing reality from visions. The continued presence of his mental shielding means that the fabric of his mind can’t be so horrifically collapsed in on itself.”

“What if the vision was actually that realistic?” Bant said, pushing back against the soul healer. “So detailed and vivid that it effectively was a reality in itself, and everything else, all of us...”

“Were just memories” Anakin finished. “It would...actually explain pretty much everything. You said he wanted to wake up and when...when I found him.” He stopped, swallowing. “When I found him, he argued with me...what if he wasn’t trying to hurt himself? If you’re right...that would mean I found him trying to get back to reality.”

“It could explain his behavior in the halls...his desperation to wake...” Sife mused “But it runs counter to every other experience I’ve had with those managing prophetic visions. Master Windu, could that explain the shatterpoints you saw?”

“I’m not certain. It would have to have been extraordinarily real to create the echos of Shattering I witnessed. I don’t know if that depth of vision has occurred before, but then again, many things are possible in the force.”

“You really think he might have been...trying to wake up from dream? By killing himself?!” Cody asked incredulous.

“If that ends up being what happened I am going to give him such shit. That is the worst way to end a vision.” Anakin replied.

“Yes. It is.” Bant said pointedly. “That’s why it’s a last resort, after every other attempt to wake fails.”

They all sat in silence, processing various implications. Cody was unnerved by another terrifying insight into force powers, as well as the idea that the General might vividly remember Cody being inexplicably mind-controlled into trying to kill him. Anakin was trying to understand what this would mean for them, and the conversations he had thought they had had. Did...any of it count, if he thought he was offering it to a hallucination?

“Alright, this is a valuable working idea, but let’s make sure to examine everything with an open mind before we draw any more conclusions. Anakin, what happened after you left the healers office?”

Obi-Wan’s critique of the practicalities of visiting a soul healer could be and was interpreted multiple ways. The incongruity of peacekeepers in war sparked a rehash of earlier discussion. More apologies. Self identifying as ‘crazy’ inspired new debate, especially in the context of the new theory.

“When I saw him enter the fountain room I assumed he had had a brutal run-in with dark force user.” Windu explained. “Based on everything we’ve gone over, I don’t understand when...but some of the more insidious sith compulsions work by taking whatever small anger or hurt you feel and magnifying them until they consume you. If Obi-Wan was already experiencing self loathing...”

Cody sucked in a breath. “Then a Sith mind suggestion would bring him to commit suicide. It...sounds like something he might do, if he was partially in control. Take the blow rather than let himself be used as a weapon against anyone else, even his worst enemy.”

“Hells, it could have been an even vaguer compulsion, driving him to attack the person he hates the most,” Bant added darkly.

Anakin buried his head in his hands, trying to hold it together. He couldn’t afford to lose control or get angry. Hells, getting angry at Obi-Wan for ‘failing him’ when in pain could be the reason Obi-Wan was currently in the healing halls. The man said he loved him unconditionally, then practically had a breakdown over how much Anakin pushed that unconditional love to the breaking point, then killed himself. How was he supposed to-

“Anakin? Are you alright to continue?” someone said.

“Yes. No. There’s more I have to tell you...I don’t know if it will help but - it was hurting Obi-Wan...I...”

“Let’s just take it one step at a time. What happened after you left Mace?”

Apparently even Cody somehow knew more about Bruck Chun than Anakin. Master Windu and Eerin told different sides of the same sad story, which spiraled back into a conversation about Obi-Wan’s inadequacy issues, which somehow devolved into a long rant about Qui-Gon Jinn that Master Windu had apparently been holding back for years.

“My apologies.” He said afterwards, clearing his throat as the group stared, taken aback. “Old grievances. Go on Anakin, what did happened after you got to the ‘secret spot.’”

“He...was skirting around whatever was bothering him...I pushed him...told him I wanted to help...he said I couldn’t...because it was me...because of what I...”

Anakin stood up suddenly, feeling the walls of the room closing in.

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry I-”

He ran out.

He turned around almost immediately, pacing in the small corridor, knowing he couldn’t leave, simply needing a minute to catch his breath.

Master Windu followed him out after a moment, not saying anything, just standing there. Watching him.

“What!” Anakin finally snapped. “What do you have to say that I don’t know already!”

“Knight Skywalker-”

“Don’t call me that! I DON’T DESERVE-”

Anakin let out a frustrated snarl, punching a wall. The crumble of stone beneath this fist briefly made him feel better, but then he remembered Obi-Wan’s heartbroken expression in the light of an underworldly glow, and the tiny, choked sound he heard when the healers moved him and Anakin just...collapsed, falling to his knees.

Master Windu sank down gracefully beside him.

“Anakin. This isn’t about attachment issues, is it.”

“Not really, no. I mean, maybe you’ll blame attachment but it’s more about...”

“Anger.”

Anakin looked up at that, trying to regain the meditative calm he had felt for a glimmering moment yesterday, right in-between making peace in the cave and everything burning to ash.

“You know that I have had my own struggles with anger. It is how and why I came to develop Vaapad.”

“Yes, but you’ve Mastered your anger. And you’ve never...never given in to hate.”

A beat passed and Windu watched some of Skywalker’s familiar breaking points flicker into view.

“You’ve done something. Something you know the Jedi won’t forgive.”

“Obi-Wan forgave me.” Anakin said, whispering. “He said that even though I couldn’t fix what I did he loved me anyway and I just needed to...to honestly regret what I did and not do it again. I told him I’d get rid of my lightsaber and I meant it and...I thought he forgave me. I was ready to go to the Council with him, come clean about everything. And then I left him alone to get dinner and when I came back...he was holding my lightsaber. My lightsaber.”

Anakin buried his face in his hands, shuddering with creeping cold.

“I’m not going to critique your and Obi-Wan’s attachment to each other right now. I’m well aware that much of the order has turned to personal ties to maintain their stability given the ongoing horrors of war. I am, for many reasons, wary of the risks this brings us, yet it is also true that risks do not automatically mean failure. I myself have mastered my emotions in a different manner than conventional wisdom councils.”

Windu spoke carefully. For all that he and Anakin had similar relationships with the force, they rarely saw eye to eye on any given subject. At a certain point, Mace had accepted that the volatile young man was determined to find the worst possible interpretation for anything he said. And Mace was not the order’s most patient diplomat.

“As for your crime, whatever it is, l will tell you this: Unless you choose to renounce the code and leave our number, you will be treated as a Jedi Knight, subject to our protections, as well as our judgement. You will receive appropriate mental counseling. If you are judged to be a danger to those around you, your actions will be curtailed and monitored, possibly through temporary confinement. The Jedi do not believe in punitive measures for their own sake, but you may be required to provide restitution to those you harmed, perhaps indefinitely.

Silence hung perilously between them. Windu watched a tremor run through the unfathomable kaleidoscopic of shatterpoints that had orbited Skywalker since he was a boy. A small one broke inward, and an attached tangle of larger, darker ones fell away, crumbling to dust. The rest faded from view, invisible for the moment. A choice had been made, some decision that closed off at least one path to the darkside.

“There’s no one to make restitutions to.”

“...You’re going to have to elaborate on that.”

“Let’s go back inside- I don’t want to do this twice.”

They returned to the increasingly hated meeting room.

Anakin spoke in an outpouring of words about love and hate, about misplaced revenge and now uncertain forgiveness. When he finally finished, the room was deathly silent.

The three Jedi sat quietly while Cody pinched the bridge of his nose. “I guess this is why Jedi have the no attachment rule, huh? I admit I never really got it, but I suppose even if I-”

Bant abruptly lunged up, fumbling to bring her lightsaber to Anakin’s neck. Everyone jumped to their feet, except for Anakin, who stared at Bant with a wretched expression.

“MASTER EERIN! This is not-”

“Did you do it?” she asked, ignoring the Master of the Order.

“Bant!”

“It was my first thought after I saw him. We all rushed in expecting a fight, or a bomb, only to find you, insane, and him with a hole next to his heart. I didn’t want to believe it of course, but you’ve always had a violent streak that Obi-Wan, force help him, couldn’t quite soothe away. A fight gone wrong. Master Windu said it was suicide, and I believed him, and I’ve been trying to make sense of that ever since. But Mace found you after, didn’t he? After you felt guilty? Did you think he was going to turn on you?”

“Bant Eerin, you are dangerously-”

“No.” Anakin whispered.

“Obviously I might be why. But I didn’t- I couldn’t. I know I’m not good but I can’t even imagine- holding a saber against him like that. Kriff, do you not get how much I can’t handle losing people I love? I was insane when you saw me because I saw someone trying to kill Obi-Wan and I couldn’t even fight them.”

Bant held his gaze for several lingering seconds, deactivated her saber and dropping it with a clatter. They stared at each other, breathing heavily and not blinking. She returned to her seat, moving jerkily. “I apologize Knight Skywalker. That was uncalled for.”

“I wish I could say I wouldn’t have done the same thing in your shoes” he responded lowly. Bant made a tiny, unintelligible noise in reply.

Cody collapsed back into his chair, holstering his blaster. “Alright then...so after you finished sitting in the fountain room...what happened next?”

Everyone stared at him.

“What?”

“You’re handling Anakin’s confession somewhat dispassionately. We’re simply surprised.” Mace said slowly, returning to his seat at the same time as Master Aerdo fell into theirs.

Cody shifted uncomfortably. “The vod were trained in a wide range of enemy suppression tactics. While we’re extremely glad the Jedi have never asked us to employ them, I’m not...unfamiliar with this scale of deliberate slaughter. At least in the hypothetical, sir.”

“I see.” Aerdo said. “That is a valuable insight to have, thank you. Knight Skywalker-”

“Just...call me Anakin. Or Skywalker.”

“Anakin. When did this happen?”

“About two years ago, immediately before the First Battle of Geonosis.”

“And have you had any similar experiences with giving into the darkside since?” they asked placidly.

“I don’t think so but...we went to war the next day and....I don’t know if I’ve stopped fighting since it- since I did what I did.”

“Hmm. Anakin, would you mind stepping outside the room and waiting in the corridor for a moment please?”

He bit his tongue, tasting blood, and quietly walked out the door while the Masters decided his fate. He leaned back against a wall, desperately wanting to see Padme.

To his surprise, the door opened barely a few minutes later, and he was politely invited back in.

“Anakin.” Master Windu spoke. “Thank you for telling us this. It’s an important insight into Obi-Wan’s feelings right now, and I recognize that you could have kept it a secret. As Head of the Order, and with the advice of a Senior Soul Healer, I have made a decision. You will be assigned a personal soul healer, who you will start seeing tomorrow. Commander Cody pointed out that over nearly two years of continuous warfare, you have maintained some of the the lowest trooper casualty units of any division, by a significant margin if we evaluate based on mission risk level. Your civilian and enemy casualties will be reviewed, but even considering constant war, since your massacre of the Tuskens, you have clearly managed to at least... direct your violence away from the innocent. We do not consider you a threat to the inhabitants of the world. For the time being, I see no real benefit to limiting or tracking your behavior within the temple or on planet, but you are barred from leaving orbit. I have decided to delay a full reckoning before the council until such time that your former Master is well enough to provide his own opinion. Give me just cause, and I will have you confined to a force-suppressing cell. Do you understand?”

Anakin nodded, bowing in acknowledgment. All things considered, it was...honestly better than he expected.

“Now, as Cody” Windu paused. “My apologies, as the Commander was saying-”

“Cody’s fine, sir” Cody said, wrung out in a way different from anything Kamino had trained him for.

“...I think we can all consider ourselves on a first name basis at this point.” Bant said with a snort. She paused. “That includes you Anakin. I really don’t know how to handle what you did but kark it, I don’t want to hate you. For myself.”

Everyone nodded.

“As Cody was saying, what happened next?”

Peace. Comfort. Hunger. A warning in the force...

“I tried to pull the saber back but his finger was already on the igniter...”

“You probably saved his life. Even a second later-”

“I know, that’s almost the worst part.”

“-his neck”

“Why would he change weapons?”

“What if-”

“He said what to you and Healer Che?”

“That has to support the detailed vision idea, think about-”

“I’m sorry, Emperor?”

“I think we’re done.”

Anakin stared blankly at Sife. “But we didn’t figure anything out.”

“Not conclusively, but we’re unlikely to make any more progress, you’ve given me enough information to preform a meaningful meditative scan, or guide a conversation, should Obi-Wan wake, or navigate through his mind, should we decide to make a more decisive attempt at his shields.”

“Master Aerdo... I leave the final judgement up to you, but I strongly urge you to make a more decisive attempt. I am more convinced now than I was...” Mace glanced at the chronometer “five hours ago that this was motivated by a specific, external stimuli, likely dark. Do you disagree?”

“No.” they said with a sigh. “But I don’t want to underestimate how much underlying factors might have contributed to his response to stimuli, including underlying factors that none of you were aware of.”

The Nautolan Soul Healer stood up, tucking their hands into their sleeves to address the room with classical Jedi serenity. It was a little irritating.

“In any case, we all need to sleep, eat, and meditate. Master Eerin, you have the rest of the day off, I've cleared it with Master Che already. Master Windu, I leave the final judgement up to you, and I am aware that your duties as Master of the Order are unceasing, but I urge you to take some time to center yourself before returning to the council. Commander Cody, I would be more than willing to arrange soul healing for you or any of the Vod, please let me know. Anakin, you will receive a comm later today with further details on your future healing sessions.

They bowed low, then glided out the door.

Bant stood next, bowed individually to each soul, and sped walked out.

Commander Cody cleared his throat awkwardly, “Mace- what should I tell the troops? We’re supposed to have command briefings later tonight.”

“If anyone asks about General Kenobi, tell them its classified.” I’ll schedule a briefing on the subject. Now go find Captain Rex and take care of yourself, that’s an order.”

Cody saluted, first to the high General, then to Anakin.

Finally it was just Mace and Anakin.

“Is there anyone who you trust who I can call to stay with you.” Master Windu asked.

“I can manage on my own” Anakin replied, not willing to give the Master of the Order anything else he could use against him, even after everything.

Master Windu held back a sigh.

He continued once more, making a deliberate attempt to soften his tone. “Anakin- I know we’ve had our differences, but this is not a trick, nor a trap. You’ve suffered a series of great shocks in the last 24 hours and handled them with immense maturity. I myself am struggling to deal with the emotional fallout.”

Anakin looked up at that, surprised. He didn’t seem to be struggling, but maybe that was what made him a good Jedi Master...

“As I told you before, I am not going to begrudge you the comfort of attachment. I’m rather convinced it would do you more harm than good at this point. I don’t want you flying right now, and you don’t have to be alone. I hope we have come to a better understanding today, but I doubt my presence is suddenly a comfort, though please correct me if I’m wrong. Now is there someone I can call?”

Padme ended her call with Master Windu extremely discomfited. She had barely heard from Anakin since he ran out on her the night before last to take care of an apparently extremely drunk Obi-Wan. He had messaged her a few times that night, promising to make it up to her, but had been comm-silent since. She had been starting to get worried, and now the Master of the Order was asking her to pick him up from the temple. Fortunately, she had already cleared most of her meetings for the week well in advance (Courascant leave usually meant THEM time, not that she was jealous of Obi-Wan, of course).

The speeder ride back from the temple was silent. All Anakin would say was that he would explain everything once they were in ‘a secure location.’

The door to the apartment had scarcely closed behind them when Anakin fell into her arms, shaking.

“Anakin, talk to me love, what’s wrong?” She gently guided him to the couch, arranging him so she could hold him protectively.

“Obi-Wan tried to kill himself.”

She let out a harsh gasp, “No! He can’t have, he would never-”

“I got to him in time, but Padme... he was holding a lightsaber to his heart. It was...really close” He burrowed deeper into the folds of her dress, and she gripped him fiercely.

“Oh gods, is he-”

“He’s physically healing, but he’s still...not all there. I spent all of today locked in a room, trying to figure out if it was a Sith Attack, or an insane vision, or..or me”

“Anakin! What do you mean ‘me’ - Obi-Wan loves you, you-”

“I know.” Anakin interrupted her again, knowing he was being unfair; he was just too exhausted to be patient.

“He told me loved me. He...he...found out about what I did to the Tusken village, You should have seen his face, Padme, he was horrified, but he still told me he loved me, and he was willing to forgive me, even though he shouldn’t”

“Of course he forgave you,” Padme whispered. “You’re not a monster, Anakin, I know you would never do something like that again.”

"And then after we talked, I left him alone and he-” Anakin choked out into her dress.

Tears ran down her face, heart breaking. “That’s- that’s horrible. Anakin...it must have have been a attack, Obi-Wan wouldn’t do that.” she said urgently.

He pulled away, horrified. “I made you cry. I made Obi-Wan cry too. I’m sorry- Padme please, promise me you won’t-”

She grabbed the sides of his head.

Her nails bit into the soft skin behind his ears as she pulled him down so they were face-to-face, vowing, “Never. I swear by the force itself, I will never choose death over life.”

He let out a relieved sigh, eyes fluttering closed.

“Now you,” she demanded

“As long as I have anyone to live for, I swear by the force, I will never choose death over life.”

She pulled him the rest of the way in for a bruising kiss. He lifted her, and they desperately clung at one another as he carried her to bed. They continued like that, clinging and grasping, until exhaustion carried him to sleep. She pulled the covers over top them both and curled around him defensively as the day slowly faded away.

Part XI

#star wars #my au #suicidal misunderstanding au #prequel trilogy #potentially triggering #discussions of suicide #references to self-harm #star wars au #bonding? between #Mace Windu and Anakin Skywalker #? in my #hurt/comfort fic #? It’s more likely than you’d think #also I struggle with fix it stories that just never address the big tusken elephant in the room? of course i want everyone to #live happily ever but theres a certain scale of atrocity that i feel u gotta address 2 get there #ugh this chapter got reallly long and im just gonna post it ok? ok.#meh #a lot of this fic is just people mentally going What The Fuck at various registers with different inflections #Because that’s not an inappropriate response to time travel in general! and star wars canon in particular.#star wars au no 27

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