rowanaelinn

[rowanaelinn]

THIS IS SO HOTTTTTTTTT AND SWEET IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM

Look at Us Now - ch. 23

Fic masterlist

I’ve been writing this chapter amidst chaos and I was obsessed while planning this spicy scene. I hope you like it? The writing process wasn’t half as sexy, considering I have terrible flu 🤧

Warnings: NSFW

Words: 2,2k

The groaning creak of Aelin’s rusty window being opened jolted her awake. She shot up in bed, heart racing, only to register Rowan’s hulky figure invading her bedroom.

She threw herself back in bed, relieved and slightly less annoyed. “Alexa, what time is it?”

“You already know you’re late. The time is 6:42 a.m.”

Rowan sighed, finally inside, and closed her squeaky window. “I forgot how sassy your Alexa is.”

Rubbing both eyes, she slowly processed whatever was going on. Yesterday’s fight over Fleetfoot the Dog. Aelin’s late—and depressingly lonely—wine night. Rowan showed up here when she specifically told him not to.

“I took Maisie to Aedion’s, they’re going to the pool.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, shuffling his feet. “We need to talk.”

“Where’s the key I gave you?”

“I didn’t know how you’d feel about me using it now.” After their fight, he meant.

“So you’d rather break into my house through my bedroom window instead?”

Rowan eyed her reading armchair, but decided to pace instead. Aelin could barely pay attention to him, only thinking about how she asked him for time to process the situation, but instead he decided to wake her up right after dawn to talk.

Aelin adjusted her pillows to sit by the headboard. “Did Maisie wake you up early today?”

“I didn’t sleep.”

She ran both hands on her face, trying to recall her last thoughts regarding the doggie situation. If Rowan wanted to make decisions alone rather than considering her opinions as a couple, she could go with it. “I want 50/50 custody of Fleetfoot, same co-parenting arrangement and shared expenses as we do with Maisie. I already made a new expense spreadsheet.”

“So you want the dog?”

“Oh my God.” Aelin leaned her head against the headboard, looking up. “Rowan, this is not about the dog!”

He furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes carefully assessing her, and that’s when she realized he was lost.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to phrase her feelings in the clearest way possible. “If I’m Maisie’s mother, if we’re together, and if you see yourself living with me within the next decade, I don’t understand why you’d get her a dog without talking to me first.”

“Very well.” His body tensed, both hands on his hips. “Another 50/50 custody. That’s what we’re doing, then?”

“Yes. That’s how I deal with things when I ask for time to think and you don’t give it to me.”

He resumed pacing around the room, one hand on his hip while he gesticulated with the other. “Look, I want to give you space, but I can’t sit and do nothing while you rethink our relationship.”

Aelin tilted her head, eyes squinted at him. Now she was the one who was lost. “While I do what?”

Rowan huffed, a hard look aimed at her. “You know…”

“I really don’t.”

“You pushed me away because you didn’t trust me.” Rowan sat on her armchair, eyes narrowed at a random point. She gave him time, knowing he wasn’t great at expressing himself or his feelings. “Now you gave me a second chance, and things are still delicate because I’m still proving myself.”

“Proving yourself…?” Aelin trailed, trying to understand his train of thought.

“That I deserve your second chance.” His voice slowed down as he sensed her confusion. “That you can rely on me in a way you didn’t before.”

Aelin’s mouth opened. And closed. It was a rare feat to make Aelin speechless, but Rowan did it this time. Had he been thinking like that for the past month?

“I was in a very vulnerable place five years ago, and our relationship was too undefined. I barely had the energy to think about something romantic between us, let alone fight for it.” Aelin fiddled with the corner of her blanket, feeling Rowan’s gaze on her, hanging on her every word. She continued, “That’s not the case now. I told you why I pushed you away back then because the situation called for it, but I don’t want to torment you over something you did so long ago.” She sent him a close-lipped, hope-to-be-reassuring smile. “Besides, I already know I can trust you. Did you ever fail with Maisie?”

A bitter chuckle. “Yes. Several times.”

Aelin left her position on her bed to straddle him at the armchair, her chest filled with warmth. “Well, you wouldn’t be a parent if you didn’t.” She combed his hair off his face with her fingers. Her fussy Buzzard, always thinking too much. He’d just started therapy, and Aelin knew it’d be a long process until the worst of that weight fell off his shoulders, but she’d be right there with him the entire time. “Your very chivalrous theory about needing to prove your worth was totally debunked, being Super Dad and all.”

“I was a terrible co-parent to you.”

“Me too.” Aelin put both hands on her hips, eyes squinted at him. “Are you putting me on a trial test?”

“I would never—“

She raised both eyebrows, silently begging him to think this through. Yeah, buddy, it goes both ways, she hoped her face conveyed.

“So, just to be sure, you’re not breaking up with—“

“Gods, Rowan!”

“Alright, alright.”

He held her close, face resting near her neck while he breathed her in. Aelin kissed his head, squeezing him into her embrace. Sometimes, when she’s with Rowan, no amount of touching feels like enough. Right now, she felt like melting and merging their bodies completely so every cell of her body hugs every cell of his. It was so silly, but it did feel like heaven to hear his mocking groans, as if Rowan hated being squished to death.

Aelin grinned down at him, still straddling his lap, and cupped his face with both hands. “You’re mine.”

He kissed her palm. “I’m yours.”

“And you love me,” she said. Not a question.

“To whatever end,” he breathed.

She leaned to kiss him, meeting him halfway. What started as a tender kiss soon turned molten. Rowan’s hands traveled down her torso, hungrily grabbing her, as Aelin ravished his mouth, full of need while grinding down on his lap from how much her body burned for him.

Rowan hooked both hands under her thighs and lifted them up from the armchair, carrying Aelin to her bed. He dropped her in a seating position and caged her with both arms, still standing while pressing their foreheads together.

“You’re mine.” His eyes were glued to hers and so close, she felt the claiming in her bones, her soul.

“I’m yours.” Her answer was as truthful as the throbbing between her thighs—very.

“And you love me.” Such hope and quiet joy in his eyes, beneath all that fierceness.

“To whatever end.” Beaming at him, she radiated with the intensity of that moment and needed to show him how much she meant it.

Rowan kissed her again, dragging the moment until Aelin nipped his lip. He opened his mouth to protest, but when she felt him through his pants, it melted into a hiss.

Aelin dropped to her knees in front of him.

“Baby, you don’t have to—“

He cursed when she pulled her pants down. Aelin kept eye contact while she pumped him, trying to hide a smirk. The words died on his throat, mesmerized by the sight of her face and his cock so close. He held still while she licked the head, but Rowan’s eyes closed, his head lolling back when her tongue ran over his full length.

Aelin knew she didn’t have to but, fuck, she wanted to. She pumped his heavy, veiny length, panting, entranced. How a guy used his cock had always been something she valued more than the member in itself, but it was definitely a flex that her boyfriend came with both traits. Her need to be filled was driving her mad, but Aelin was dying to worship him too.

One more swirl of her tongue and she took him deep inside her mouth, quickly finding a rhythm. Cheeks hollowed, Aelin also worked him by massaging his base and his balls—it was near impossible to swallow all of him, no matter her attempts to deep-throat his cock.

Rowan’s eyes were glued to the way he disappeared into her mouth, and he kept praising her, guiding her head with his fist and hissing when he hit a particular spot near her throat, then again calling her a good girl that sucks his cock so well.

“Fuck, baby.” Rowan thrust into her mouth, and she was growing almost feverish with the sight of him using her for his own pleasure.

One of her hands disappeared between her thighs without interrupting his ministrations, but it only worsened the burning feeling she tried to soothe. A moment later, Rowan cursed at how wet it came back to toy with his balls.

“Baby.” He caressed her jaw, holding her gaze. “Fuck. The things I’m doing to you after this…”

Aelin moaned around his cock, almost losing her rhythm. His hips jerked, making him grip her hair harder.

He growled, “You have no idea.”

˜˜

“Must you tell her everything?” Rowan politely complained, jaw tight.

Aelin gaped. “But she’s our therapist!” Her defensive remark had a slightly higher pitch.

Yrene had her lips pressed tight to hide her amusement. Her job was to meddle in their relationship, but sometimes she chose not to—especially during a small bicker.

The woman cleared her throat. “It looks to me that you both communicated your thoughts and feelings on your own, mid crisis, while shielding your daughter from it." Yrene had a satisfied, close-lipped smile on while she typed on her computer. "That’s impressive progress. In fact, I feel like we’re ready to space out our sessions, so we can gradually transition you two out of therapy.”

Aelin felt a lightness inside, and her grin was almost too much. Hell yes, she was more than ready to cut off some sessions—if she counted her individual ones as well, Aelin saw Yrene way too much.

However, Rowan frowned, not looking convinced. “But we just had a fight.”

Their therapist waved him off. “You will from time to time. The important thing here is to identify when you’re falling into an old pattern, and to revisit conflict management skills when—not if—needed.” Yrene tilted her head, carefully studying Rowan. “But I can wait more to space out sessions if you don’t feel ready yet, even if I’m not discharging you immediately.”

His eyes darted between the two women, unsure.

“Baby, I think we’re good.” Aelin squeezed Rowan’s hands. She worked with a whole different way of looking inside her patients, but she knew how successful this case was.

“We won’t be working on new skills from now on, just maintaining what you already learned,” Yrene added, focused on Rowan. “Besides, I already consider your case successful. Couples don’t often get back together, let alone in a healthy relationship—sometimes, I’m only trying to prevent murder.”

The corner of his mouth quivered, and he squeezed Aelin’s hand back. “Alright, then. How often is it gonna be for now?”

˜˜

“Gods, I feel so spiritually evolved.” Aelin matched her boyfriend’s grin outside Yrene’s office, in the building’s hallway. “Every time a therapist praises me, I feel like lighting incense and doing yoga.”

Rowan hummed, wrapping his arm around her while they waited for the elevator. “Yoga’s nice. We could try it out—“

“Fuck, no. You promised me chocolate cake.”

“I didn’t mean now.” He studied her from the corner of his eye. “Tomorrow?”

“Nope.” Not ever, if she could help it—Aelin doing exercises about balance while having a giant bump that messed her center of gravity up? Scarred her to death. “I have a hip replacement tomorrow. Did you know that performing those is worse than CrossFit?”

“No, it’s not.” Rowan snorted. “You told me they were super easy when you were pregnant with…”

Realization made him lose his words. To Aelin’s defense, it was just a little white lie she told so he wouldn’t lose his mind with worry. Rowan’s eyes widened, and Aelin was saved by the elevator arriving at that exact moment. She hurried past him inside and watched him slowly enter, still staring at her.

The elevator moved, restarting him as well. She shook his head and stood behind her. Noting that they were alone in that metal box, Rowan grabbed her hips with both hands and whispered, “I’m punishing you for that later.”

Aelin shivered with his words fanning against her ear, feeling a whisper of his smirk when she trembled under his fingertips. Slightly pressed against him, she breathed, “I bet you are.”

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[rowanaelinn]

Hi besties, I'm still alive!!!!

Question is, are you? Would anyone be interested if I were to start writing again?

[rowanaelinn]

no no no no aelin i would argue you need to be even more selfish

Catastrophic Blues

Written for @sjmromanceweek

Prompt: Favorite tropes (exes to lovers yay!)

I wrote most of this oneshot a year ago, and I never posted because it’s so sad, and also it’s the only time I fully trauma dumped on my fics. Anyway. Enjoy this thing that was based on one of the most pathetic days of my life lol

Warnings: none?

Words: 2,2k

The low lighting the uber had at night only called more attention to the cold, churning mess that was Aelin’s stomach. It was the lack of something to focus on when what she needs right now is sensory overload. The smell of alcohol, loud music, strobe lights.

Aelin wanted to focus on anything that wasn’t her destination—or who she’d meet there.

It was fine. She was fine.

It was Fenrys' birthday. The cheeriest of Aelin's cheery friends. Aelin definitely couldn't miss his birthday. Today was about Fenrys, and not the ex-boyfriend who was also invited.

But Aelin was fine. It wasn't a big deal. It’d been more than a month since they broke up, and Rowan even texted her asking if she’d be comfortable if he brought his new girl tonight.

How considerate of him.

But Aelin agreed, with no regrets. The only thing she regretted was merging her group of friends with her ex-boyfriend when they were dating. That was something she’d keep in mind for the next time she met someone.

Out of the car and in front of the bar, Aelin let the cool summer breeze wash her nerves away. He was probably in there already, always on time. She knew this would eventually happen when they broke up and decided to stay friends for the sake of the gang. There was no need for her to freak out—good thing she wasn't. And if she acted weirdly today, what would Rowan do a month from now?

The crowded place was booming with laughter and drunken yells, busy waiters running around the place, barely paying attention to the graceless group of friends singing Bohemian Rhapsody at karaoke.

A large hand gripped her waist, turning her towards the source, and Aelin met a smiling pair of onyx eyes.

“Hey, gorgeous.”

“Fen!” She hugged her friend and handed him his present, wishing him a happy birthday.

“Everyone’s at a big table back there, and…” Fenrys trailed, trying to read something on Aelin’s expression. Whatever words he was about to say died in his throat.

Aelin crossed her arms. “Spill.”

He shrugged. “You’re hotter than her.”

Lyria, he meant. And Aelin agreed, she was definitely hotter. It wasn’t hard to find Rowan’s new girl on Instagram after she commented a red heart on his last picture like a dog peeing on the comment section for territory. She found out about it even before he told her himself.

Aelin narrowed her eyes at Fen. “I’m over him.”

He shrugged. “Just thought you’d like to hear it.”

Her smirk was met with a similar one from Fenrys. He knows her too well.

Then Aelin shook her head, chastising herself for such thoughts. She was the one to end things, due to her… distressing circumstances. She had no right to shame Rowan for settling for a less hot person.

It’s not like she cared, anyway.

Stepping onto the back of the bar, Aelin quickly spotted the table and greeted everyone—including the lovebirds.

Rowan was stiff like a robot, and Lyria was polite. Bland. Guess he lied when he said he liked Aelin’s fiery personality and the way they clashed, since his new girlfriend is the total opposite. He’d probably still be his dutiful self to her in a month, and Aelin would be in Suria with rows of men—or vodka, most likely—lying at her feet.

She sat beside Elide and ordered a non-alcoholic beer—the doctor had cleared her to drink alcohol with moderation by now, but she didn’t want to risk it. Connall decided to restart whatever work gossip he was telling to keep Aelin in the loop.

She was paying attention, or at least she was trying to, but—why did Rowan shave off his beard? God, she loved his jawline. How it looked so firm by far, but felt so soft under her lips and teeth. Aelin could still remember how his beard tickled against her skin when he decided to grow it, or even better, the feeling of it against her thighs when he--

"Ace, are you alright?" Elide whispered in her ear, "You look a little lost."

Aelin blinked, trying to focus on her friends. Apart from Ellie, no one noticed she'd zoned out. Looking back at her friend, Aelin nodded, a small smile on her lips.

Her friend arched one eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

Rolling her eyes, Aelin chuckled. "Of course."

Looking back at everyone, she caught Rowan’s eyes on her. Busted, the only thing left for him to do was send her a small, close-lipped smile and tip his head to the Heineken 0.0% she clutched. Aelin raised it and took a long swig, letting the bitter beverage go down throat, the feeling so close to the real thing.

He feels proud of her growth. Not a big deal when he keeps a perky brunette under his arm.

But she knew this feeling was just an initial clash of their lives apart. Aelin was fine, she truly was. Her feelings towards Rowan would never be the same she had to a regular friend, because the nature of their memories together was different. Erasing their history was impossible, so it was either fully leave or learn how to live in the shadows of what they used to be.

This hollowness she felt in her chest was just an initial shock, an adjustment. Aelin wasn't the only person in the world to lose the love of her life, and some of them even did great after that, with their second-best significant ones.

No one can keep every good thing that happens in their life forever. Even if said good best thing is right there, standing in front of you.

Actually, she was wrong. Aelin did keep Rowan in her life. As a friend. Which was enough, and just what she needed.

“…Right, Ace?”

Aelin blinked, being dragged out of her thoughts back into the conversation. “Excuse me?”

Elide sighed. “The birthday cake, Fenrys got it from Emrys’. Isn’t that the place you recommended to him?”

“Oh.” Aelin blinked. “Yes. Absolutely, yes. They’re the best.”

Ellie gave her a quick look that was hard to decipher, but maybe it was time for Aelin to pay attention.

And pay attention she did. She leaned on the table and held her chin under her palm. Turns out the owners of Emrys’ are regulars at the motel Fenrys works at. Disgusting news to hear, and Connall agreed with her unshared thoughts. Fenrys accused his brother of being homophobic, since they’re talking about a gay couple. Connall retorted, saying that he can’t be homophobic if he’s gay, and it’s not prejudice if he hates everyone equally.

The twins bickered on and on. Rowan watched them as if it was a tennis match, with undiluted attention, while Lyria seemed endlessly amused by it.

Aelin wished she had stayed home.

But she came here for Fenrys, and for Fenrys she stayed. And stayed and stayed and stayed until that fucking song started playing. For Mala’s sake, today was not her day.

Aelin looked around, trying not to be too obvious that she was looking at them. Trying not to look too much or too little.

He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel, the other on my heart.

Rowan took Lyria's hand and held it against his chest.

Just like he used to do with her.

Aelin swallowed, her chest shrinking. She was going to be sick.

She excused herself and got up, walking to another section of the bar near the restrooms where she couldn't be seen from the table, and leaned against the wall, closing her eyes.

Breathe in.

She could still feel the shape of Rowan’s lips against hers.

Breathe out.

She could still feel the weight of his body above hers.

Breathe in.

She could still feel his calloused hands caressing her bare back in bed.

Breathe out.

Her heart was beating just as much as on the day she finally got the courage to cuddle him after sex, almost two years ago. When she first rested her head on the crook of his neck, Aelin scented her favorite version of Rowan’s smell because it was completely ingrained with hers. And she did it again. And again. And again. Her hand could trace the shape of him even that long after the last time they were together. She hated how much she'd cling to those small details, and she hated even more that she cared about this. Because she did. Aelin would barely admit it to herself, but of course she did.

She took a deep breath, ignored her quivering stomach and schooled herself, walking to the bar's counter.

The man next to her leaned on the counter so much he was half laid in it, but he still managed to turn his piercing blue eyes at Aelin and smile.

"Can’t find a bartender," he complained, his speech slurred. "I need a beer."

Aelin chuckled, leaning her forearms on the surface too. "And I need water."

He raised his head a little. "I'm Dorian."

"Aelin." She looked at him up and down, from the fumbled hair to the rumpled clothes and untied shoes. “Are you sure the bartenders aren’t bartending you on purpose?”

“I’m sure they are.”

“Huh.” Aelin scanned the liquor selection, tempted. She really was doing better with this new medication, and Dr. Hafiza cleared her for an occasional drink. She could definitely use a drink now. Instead, she tilted her head at Dorian and said, “Did you lose a puppy or something? Or this is just your usual Friday night?”

He ran a hand through his hair and grinned at her, so confident it reminded her of Fenrys. "My answer depends on whether you're giving me your number or not."

Aelin snorted. She thought of how satisfying it would be to watch Rowan watch her leave the bar with someone else, but a drunk wouldn't do. Besides, this wasn't a competition. Aelin had already lost.

"Not a chance. Spill."

He sighed and slumped again on the countertop, hitting his head against it.

"My situationship doesn't see me as dating material."

Aelin grimaced. "That sucks"

He waved a hand, dismissing her pity. "You?"

Her mind went back to a year ago, how he stood by her side, red-rimmed green eyes when Aelin became a shell of herself. How his anxiety skyrocketed when hers did too. How well he was doing now that she wasn't his problem anymore.

A bitter chuckle left her lips. "My sadness is contagious."

Dorian rolled his eyes. “I just bared my soul to you, and this is what you tell me?”

“You did not!”

“I’m gonna get another drink if you don’t entertain me.”

“Is this a threat?”

“Absolutely, yes.”

Aelin sighed, looking up while she gathered her thoughts. “I broke up with my boyfriend.”

“Obviously.”

“Because I was bringing him down. No drama. We decided to not break up our group of friends.”

“No drama, you said?”

“He’s with his new girlfriend at the back of the bar and all my friends are schmoozing with her now.”

“I sense drama.”

“And we have a trip booked for next month we didn’t discuss.”

“Paid it all before the breakup, huh?”

Aelin nodded and ordered two waters before they traded stories about their pathetic love lives. She didn’t know how long they stayed there, neither if she liked Dorian or just this escape from the table from hell, but being here was a respite.

They were about six Tinder horror stories in when a hand landed on Aelin’s shoulder, making her jump, heart racing with surprise.

Rowan stood beside her with his trademark frown. “It’s been a while since you left the table.”

“Yup.” What was she supposed to say?

He jutted his chin towards Dorian. “Is he bothering you?”

“Not at all.” She squared her shoulders, trying to find a light way to describe their pity party. “This is Dorian. I’m getting funny dating stories out of him before I call an uber and send him back to his world of heartless women and tawdry men.”

“I see,” he trailed, eyes trained on them, and took a step back. “Okay. I have to go back there, but if you—“

“I know.” She waved him off. He needed to be at the table and be a good boyfriend to someone else, she got it.

Aelin was fully aware that her mind was going on a petty path, but she couldn’t help it. Yes, Lyria was nice. Yes, Lyria had been nothing but polite to her the entire night. The only problem was that Lyria was dating the wrong person. Or the perfect one, if Aelin wanted to address her issues more directly.

She banged her head against the disgusting counter, resting there to contemplate this rare moment of self-pity.

Aelin dug her own grave.

Dorian had his eyebrows raised. “Damn, he’s hot.”

“And thoughtful.”

“I wasn’t thinking about his thoughtfulness when he murdered me with his eyes.”

“He did not.”

“He did. And you know why.”

“I do not.” Aelin sipped her water. “Anyway, what happened to the guy who was cheating on his wife with you?”

Dorian’s eyes sparkled with the memory of this unfinished divorce story, and she was thankful to get the spotlight of the conversation away from her.

Unlike Aelin, Rowan had his shit together and was happy. She wouldn't—actually, she couldn't—disturb this little peace he found after she cut him off.

Her selfishness only went so far.

You can get notified when I update by either turning notifications on for @backtobl4ck-fics or entering my (sometimes glitchy) tag list!!

TAG LIST

I couldn’t tag the people in bold, sorry!

@aelinchocolatelover

@autumnbabylon

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@cookiemonsterwholovesbooks

@courtofjurdan

@dreamer-133

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@superspiritfestival

@swankii-art-teacher

@thegreyj

@throneofus7

@violet-mermaid7

@wishfulimaginings

[rowanaelinn]

🥵🥵🥵

ROWAELIN MONTH: DAY 30

~ A Missing or Alternate Scene from Canon ~

Well... Let me just say I took some liberties with canon this time. I started with the Bite Scene from Heir of Fire and I went from there. This is a little 'what if', if you will. What if the mating bond snapped when Rowan bit Celaena's neck and things went from there? Italic section at the top taken from Heir of Fire and then we get to the rest.

CW: Smut

~~~~~

Faster than lightning, his hand shot out and she gagged, jolting as he grabbed her tongue between his fingers. She bit down, hard, but he didn’t let go. “Say that again,” he purred.

She choked as he kept pinching her tongue, and she went for his daggers, simultaneously slamming her knee up between his legs, but he shoved his body against hers, a wall of hard muscle and several hundred years of lethal training trapping her against a tree. She was a joke by comparison—a joke—and her tongue—

He released her tongue, and she gasped for breath. She swore at him, a filthy, foul name, and spat at his feet. And that’s when he bit her.

She cried out as those canines pierced the spot between her neck and shoulder, a primal act of aggression—­the bite so strong and claiming that she was too stunned to move. He had her pinned against the tree and clamped down harder, his canines digging deep, her blood spilling onto her shirt. Pinned, like some weakling. But that was what she’d become, ­wasn’t it? Useless, pathetic.

She growled, more animal than sentient being. And shoved.

Rowan staggered back a step, teeth ripping her skin as she struck his chest. She didn’t feel the pain, didn’t care about the blood or the flash of light.

No, she wanted to rip his throat out—­rip it out with the elongated canines she bared at him as she finished shifting and roared.

Rowan grinned. “There you are.” Blood—­her blood—­was on his teeth, on his mouth and chin. And those dead eyes glowed as he spat her blood onto the earth. She probably tasted like a sewer to him.

There was a shrieking in her ears, and Celaena lunged at him. Lunged, and then stopped as she took in the world with stunning clarity, smelled it and tasted it and breathed it like the finest wine. Gods, this place, this kingdom smelled divine, smelled like—

She had shifted.

She panted, even though her lungs ­were telling her she was no longer winded and did not need as many breaths in this body. There was a tickling at her neck—­her skin slowly beginning to stitch itself together. She was a faster healer in this form. Because of the magic... Breathe. Breathe.

But there it was, rising up, wildfire crackling in her veins, in her fingertips, the forest around them so much kindling, and then—

She shoved back. Took the fear and used it like a battering ram inside herself, against the power, shoving it down, down.

Rowan prowled closer. “Let it out. Don’t fight it.”

A pulse beat against her, nipping, smelling of snow and pine. Rowan’s power, taunting hers. Not like her fire, but a gift of ice and wind. A freezing zap at her elbow had her falling back against the tree. The magic bit her cheek now. Magic—­attacking her.

Don’t fight it?

His power nipped at her again and Celaena readied to hurl insults at him to make him stop. Didn’t he understand the danger he was in? Didn’t he know the monster that was raging just below the surface? The power, the inferno that had always rage inside her—that was given a true life in her fae form. This fire would consume and then destroy everything in sight. That would include the male who watched her, disappoint rife in his every feature. Her untamed wildfire might be enough to kill him. 

That thought felt like a blow to her gut, enough that the inferno quieted, just for a moment. It gave her enough clarity to look at Rowan, to weather the disdain that emanated from him. And then, like a string had been pulled taut between them Celaena felt it. Something she had only heard stories of and never thought she’d have the privilege of experiencing herself.

Mate.

Rowan was her mate.

Celeana saw the moment he realised it too. For a moment his face contorted in confusion and then shock overtook everything else. 

Her back was against the tree a moment later, once again his hard body had her trapped. Rowan had lost control once more, this time there was a feral glint in his eye. His dominance settled her fires, like her power was curious as to what would happen next. He inhaled, right below her ear, and his thumb dragged over where he’d bit her and Celaena braced for the pain. It never came, the touch was gentle and compared to everything else about him—the harshness of his face and the overbearing strength of his body—that caress was enough to make her moan. 

Rowan’s eyes narrowed, like he was disgusted and appalled that she would make such a sound, that he would be the one to cause it. But damn him to Hellas’ realm she was intoxicated by him. The awakening of the bond had intrinsically altered something within her. Celeana didn’t understand what was going on but she knew she was not to blame. There was a need to take, a need to claim. Her body shuddered with the unrelenting force of it all. A want was building within her, a fire flowing through her veins that had nothing to do with the magic she was born with. Rowan’s scent of pine and snow surrounded her, and she could feel his magic answering the intensifying call of hers. 

Celaena wanted to shift and retreat back into her human form to lessen the demands of her fae body. All that halted when a harsh snarl broke the quiet of the forest. 

“Don’t you dare.”

Celaena lifted her chin in defiance of Rowan’s command. His sneer remained and she could still see her blood on his teeth, the lines of his tattoo contorting. Rowan’s tongue flicked over one of his sharp canines tasting her again. To her pure shock his eyes rolled back and he pressed into her a little more. Celeana strained against the weight of his body, trying to get enough advantage. The only thing she succeeded in doing was closing the remaining inconsiderable distance between them. She could feel every inch of him, especially the impressive and demanding hardness of his cock. 

They both went still, eyes locked in a silent battle. It was like Rowan was daring her to acknowledge the very obvious reaction he was having to the sudden circumstances they found themselves in. It gave her some comfort to know it was not just her being overwhelmed by instincts. Then Celaena gave him a feline smirk. 

“My, my, Rowan. All riled up after one little bite.”

“You know what we are.” Rowan’s voice was little more than a growl.

“I want to hear you say it,” Celaena said, mustering all the arrogance she could.

Rowan lent in closer. “We are mates.”

“I am your mate,” Celaena whispered in response, the words taking hold in her chest. 

To hear him say it was the final affirmation and she could feel the bond between them go taut. And then something snapped and Celaena was pulling his face to her, their lips meeting. 

It took a thunderous heartbeat for Rowan to react, but when it did it had embers fluttering from her. The kiss was demanding, they fought for dominance but neither could claim it. Rowan’s tongue glided into her mouth and Celaena nipped at his bottom lip with her newly reclaimed canines. The kiss was feral and ruthless. She hated him, he hated her. This was not born out of love and kindness, just a frenzied need that came deep from within them both. That did nothing to quell the want that was surging through her veins. Stuck between his hard body and the tree Celaena could feel everything. The length of him pressed into her core, flooding her body with heat. 

Even through all the layers of clothing we could feel how large he was. The thought of him being inside her made her whimper, Rowan swallowing the sound as his tongue flicked at the roof of her mouth. 

“More,” Celaena demanded. “Give me more.”

“This means nothing,” Rowan replied, but she could read what was unsaid. 

You mean nothing. 

“I don’t care,” Celaena hissed as her fingers searched for bare skin at the collar of his tunic. She needed to feel more of him. 

Rowan drew back, his eyes conveying every bitter sentiment that had been accumulating since the moment they met. “Neither do I.”

His body was gone and for a devastating moment Celana thought he was denying her. But he had only backed off to allow him the space to remove his clothes, shedding his outer layers and then the weapons that were hidden beneath. He was far more efficient than she was, Celaena was only at her undershirt and working on the laces of her pants when Rowan hauled her back to him. He didn’t kiss her, he just had one arm wrapped around her waist pressing her into his bare chest, the hand of the other dragged over her body. 

Her magic sparked at his touch, she could feel the flames on her fingers. Ice cold wind danced between the fire on her hands, beckoning to her magic in a way she had never felt before. It was playful, a tendency she would never have expected from the stoic male in front of her. 

“This means nothing,” Rowan said again. 

Celaena rolled her eyes. “You mentioned that.”

He bared his teeth and lent in closer, and the strength of the eager hope Celaena had that he would kiss her again was embarrassing.

Rowan’s eyes ran over her, and when he met her gaze they had only darkened. “This is the mating frenzy, nothing more. We’ll both be useless if we don’t give into it.”

His hand was on her ribs and Celeana arched to encourage him to take more. “Whatever you say.”

Rowan took the invitation and his hand covered her breast, growling as Celaena moaned. Then he had her legs out from under her and was laying her body on the grass. It was then Celaena noticed he still had his pants on—the urgency to be near overwhelming enough that he forgot his initial task. Rowan’s silver hair fell around them as he braced himself over her, the rest of the world fading away to nothing. There was only the male in front of her, the touch of his hands and the lingering taste of him on her tongue. And Celaena wanted more.

She kissed him again, the unsaid demand for him to get on with it expressed in the way she sucked his tongue into her mouth. A sound of pleasure rumbled from deep within Rowan’s chest, igniting her fires further. The grass crackled as it dried, the scent of smoke filling her nose. Celaena’s magic sensed Rowan’s stirring and she felt, rather than saw, as he sealed them under a hard wall of air. Lines of flame ran along it, inspecting for weaknesses, but found none. Nothing would get past the defences of the Prince. He had made sure that her cataclysmic power would not ruin the forest around them.

Before Celaena could drown in the thoughts of her own volatile nature, she was distracted by Rowan’s hand at the waistband of her pants and the way he tore through the remaining laces. Then his fingers were on her skin, slipping beneath her clothes and to her entrance. Her hips bucked at the touch and Rowan groaned as he felt the evidence of her desire. 

Rowan did it again, this time dragging his fingers over the bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs. That touch undid her, the restraint on her powers failing and she burst into flames—her clothing turning to nothing more than ash. 

There was a gut wrenching moment of fear when she thought her flames would hurt Rowan. She may hate him, but he did not deserve the wrath of her flames. Celaena opened her eyes, terrified of what she might find. Rowan was braced above her, something akin to wonder in his eyes, the harsh angles of his face lit by her firelight. 

“Beautiful,” he whispered.

That word kindled something in her dead heart, calling to the echoes of her pride. Stretching her arms up Celaena arched her back, the invitation clear. Ice cold lips lowered to her breast, taking the peak of it deep within his mouth. Rowan worshipped her, nipping and sucking until she was a writhing, flaming mess under his ministrations. Her core pulsed with need and she threw a leg over his hip, pulling their bodies closer. 

Rowan’s body surrendered, and they moved together until it wasn’t. He was gone and the loss of him was an unwanted shock. Pushing herself to her elbows Celaena saw that he was ridding himself of pants.

“Oh, Gods,” she whispered when Rowan was utterly bare.

This male was a warrior and every inch of him upheld that fact. From his broad shoulders, to the defined muscles of his stomach, and his strong thighs. It was the straining hardness of his cock that held her attention, it flooded her body with molten want. She needed him inside her, now. 

They moved in sync, Celaena lying back and Rowan braced himself over her again. Their eyes locked, words were beyond both of them as he lowered his hips, the head of him grazing over her entrance. The primal need for him reached its breaking point, and Celana was willing to risk the humiliation of begging for him. She was truly Mala blessed because there was no need to, in one powerful stroke Rowan sheathed himself inside her. 

Celaena might have screamed in pleasure and that first decadent feeling of him inside, she couldn’t be sure because all other sense was lost to her. There was only her and Rowan, and this powerful sealing between them. Nothing would be the same after this world altering moment. 

Her nails dragging down Rowan’s back was the indication he needed to start moving. Celaena expected him to be rough, to drive into her with a sharp ruthlessness. He did not, each stroke was thorough enough to have her trembling. Precise in a way that Celaena knew that he wielded skills beyond blades. Rowan was being gentle, the underlying tenderness breathtaking in the worst possible way. Celeana didn’t want this from him, it felt close too close to pity for her liking. This male never had a kindness of any nature to give to her. There was no reason for him to start now. 

Celaena was about to take matters in her own hands when Rowan’s breath brushed against the skin of her neck, his lips the lightest of touches. Then he moved down, right over where he had bit her. The wound was long healed, but his tongue darted out over where his teeth had pierced her skin. Unbidden, her inner walls tightened around him, making Rowan shudder, his rhythm faltering. All Celaena’s focus went to the ministrations of his mouth. His teeth grazed, just shy of hurting and she moaned. He did that a few times, anticipation and desire building. And then he bit her. 

The act so primal and claiming that release barreled through her, unexpected and enough to leave her reeling. Rowan drew out her pleasure, his hips undulating and steady. Celaena’s magic unleashed, flames and embers thriving as Rowan’s winds encouraged them. This miles beyond anything that she had felt with Chaol. Was pure, unadulterated pleasure, and Celeana knew nothing would compare. For the rest of her miserable life nothing and no one would compare to this.

Rowan was still moving, unchanged from his infuriating accuracy. Her body begged for more—for the true claiming. When her orgasm passed and she regained strength to her limbs Celeana planted a foot on the forest flaw and flipped them. Her eyes fluttered closed at the feeling of him so deep inside her.

When she opened her eyes she saw mild surprise on Rowan’s face at the change of position. But not displeased, not at all. Celaena rolled her hips, hard and fast, and that had Rowan’s hands clamping on her waist. She did it again, the heart of her flames turning blue as she sighed at the feeling of being so full. So quickly, she could feel herself cresting towards release again. Beneath her Rowan’s eyes were closed, his hips flexing in time with the motion of hers. His teeth caught his bottom lip, there was a deep, rumbling moan coming from him. The truth of how much he was enjoying this was evident from the look of sheer pleasure on his face.

Celaena gave a dark laugh. “Try not to enjoy yourself too much.”

“Shut your mouth,” Rowan said, his eyes still closed.

The petulance in Rowan’s tone made her laugh again, only to be cut short but a hard thrust. Celaena tipped her head back at the sensation, her nails digging into his chest. He groaned, his movements gaining some urgency. Now she was not only chasing her pleasure, but his as well. Celaena wanted to see this conceited male come undone, all by her doing. 

Another intense thrust had her falling forward, hands landing either side of Rowan’s head to stop her from falling on him completely. This angle let her grind on him in a new delicious angle and she knew now they wouldn’t last much longer.

Before Celaena could stop him, Rowan’s hands ran over her back, her breath catching as he felt the ridges and divots on her skin. He let out a vicious snarl enough to rattle her bones. Then so conflicting to that feral viciousness, a hand cradled the back of her neck and brought her down for a brutal kiss. This time Rowan nipped at her lip, his sharp teeth were just shy of piercing her skin. 

He was close, she could feel it.

“Aelin,” Rowan all but breathed, like a whisper on an ice coated wind. 

To hear her true name pulled as the longing of her restless soul. He had been the first to call her by her true name in many years. It was a summoning, a beckoning to life where she no longer had to hide. For the first time in a long time Celeana felt the glimmer of home. Her lips kissed where his shoulder and neck met, tracing lines with her tongue. She would feel Rowan’s ragged breathing, each breath shorter as he approached his release. When Celaena felt her own there for the taking, she bit down, her sharp teeth breaking skin and blood filled her mouth. He tasted wind-kissed and powerful, an answer to a question Celaena hadn’t known she was asking. Rowan roared as he came, ice and wind blasting and twining with fire. Celaena’s own release followed, the joining of their magic heightening the intensity. There was a staggering thrill in being truly unleashed—not having to temper what she was. And then to have someone who met her blow for blow… it was earth shattering. 

Rowan was the first to recover, sitting up regardless of the way Celaena was still slumped on his chest. He didn’t make any attempt to move her, just waited until she was ready. Celaena didn’t want to, because once she did the reality of what they were and what they’d done would be inescapable. In the end it was the closeness of Rowan’s body that drove her to slip off his lap. The fact they were mates didn’t change a thing emotionally between them. His closeness brought her no comfort, not when they hated each other. 

The loss of him inside her was nearly devastating. Celaena braced herself for pain and let the shift take over her. It was easier to contend with everything in her human body. Her senses were dulled and the call to Rowan was weaker. Free of the weight of her body Rowan was getting dressed, his back to her. That was when Celaena realised she had nothing to wear. She had burnt her clothes, she didn’t even have her flames to cloak herself in. Celaena pulled her knees up to her chest, suddenly so cold. 

There was a muffled thump, and she startled at the pile of grey cloth that had landed beside her. 

“That won’t be happening again,” muttered gruffly, shrugging on his jacket. Celaena could see the weapons he’d donned underneath. His chest was bare and the fastenings of his pants were ruined. Rowan dangerously uncovered and she could stop the way her eyes roved over him.

Already Celaena’s blood was heating, even in her human form it was begging for more. What she knew of mating bonds was limited, but even then she was familiar with what was often referred to as the frenzy that took place between mates. She was gaining a deeper understanding of it with each second longer she spent in Rowan’s presence. 

Rowan sniffed, his body going preternaturally still. Celaena ignored him, standing and putting on the tunic he had so graciously offered. 

“Understood.”

Out of her peripherals she was a flash of light, telling her Rowan had shifted and fled, leaving her to walk back to Mistward on her own. The solitude would give her time to think.  Being mates won’t change her plans. Celaena had made a promise to Nehemia and she would not let her unwilling attachment to the bastard of a male set to train her stop her. This changed nothing, she would complete her task the same way she had been doing everything for many years now, the way she was destined to be. Alone. 

~~~~~

So, in my head there may or may not be a whole It Takes Two-esque canon au that spawned and it starts right here haha...

@rowaelinscourt

[rowanaelinn]

AHHHHHHHHHH FINALLY

Look at Us Now - ch. 18

Fic masterlist

A/N: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Warnings: very light nsfw?

Words: 2,6k

“Do my boobs look too big in this?”

Aelin snapped her head back to Lysandra, that question unexpected given the birthday party they were in. She was pretty sure her friend was only being that vocal because they were alone at the table, the kids letting loose nearby with the entertainer. “What?”

Lys showed her phone—the photoshop app, to be more precise—and insisted, “Do my boobs still look freakish?”

She rolled her eyes and analyzed the picture, zooming in Lys’ boobs. Lysandra Ennar, the only person Aelin knew that made her breasts look smaller with photoshop. “They look amazing, just as they do in person. Remind me why you use those apps again?”

“Aelin Galathynius, this is a judgment-free zone,” she chastised in a low tone, the poorly-concealed crinkle in her eyes giving away that her offense was nothing but a joke. “This is an illusion, just like that pink bikini you bought with me.”

She took a sip of her milkshake, squinting her eyes at Lys. That bikini did work as a real-life photoshop, pushing up what needed to be pushed up and hugging her body like it had been made exclusively for her body. Too bad Rowan was too busy ignoring her to notice.

“Leave the pink bikini out of it.”

“Fine.” Lysandra blocked her phone and left it with the screen facing the table. “But will you ever tell me what happened on that trip?”

“Nothing happened on the trip,” Aelin lied.

“I don’t believe you.”

“You shouldn’t,” Aelin said before busying her mouth with chocolate milkshake.

Lysandra gasped. “Did you guys do it?”

Aelin wrinkled her nose, disappointed with herself. “No.”

“Boo!” Her friend leaned back on her chair, wearing a vacant stare. “Don’t you miss it when people were just like, ‘Hey, wanna do it or not?’ and that was it?“

Aelin choked on her milkshake. “Are you talking about college?”

“What? No!” Lys chuckled, her eyes filled with mirth. “Like, thousands of years ago when everyone was gay and poly, and people drew themselves having big orgies in vases or something.”

Aelin threw her head back, laughing. “I think they were drawing because they didn’t have cameras, Lys.”

“Still.” Her friend’s eyes narrowed, not happy to have her theory debunked. “I doubt that Ancient Aelin would be in the same situation you’re now.”

She waved Lysandra off, mostly because a godsend server approached their table with more fries and mini hot-dogs. The amount of food at children’s parties made her resent adult ones a little. When did people decide that a bunch of different cheese is proper food?

She posted the picture after Lysandra edited it completely, but her mind was going a mile a minute.

Maybe Aelin should channel Ancient Aelin.

Not literally, but after so much talking and waiting and looking for clues, maybe she should just drop a blunt question and see how much of her relationship with Rowan was salvageable. If all that waiting was leaving them somewhere or not.

And after Aelin decided to put an end to this blind anticipation, it was like nothing existed besides her goal. Every person there wasn’t Rowan, the one she needed to talk to. Every stretch of time was too long before she found him. The space between this venue and his house felt twice as long.

“You’re antsy,” Lysandra said without taking her eyes off the phone.

“I’m watching the kids.”

“Liar, liar, pants on fire.”

Aelin frowned, her food tapping. “There’s this thing I have to do. Do you mind watching Maisie? I can pick her up at your place. Or you drop her at mine. I’ll owe you this one.”

Lysandra raised an eyebrow, skeptical. “Are you making me babysit to get laid?”

“No.” Aelin felt her cheeks heating. It wasn’t a lie because she had no guarantee of getting laid, but it was part of her intention.

“Pity.” Lys picked on her nails, a nonchalant expression on her face. “Because Maisie’s a little terror, I’m only watching her for a good reason.”

“Fine,” she said through clenched teeth, resigned. “I need to see Rowan, but I’m not sure what’s gonna happen. Happy?”

“Very.” Her smile was nothing short of devilish. “Auntie Lys is happy to take over.”

˜˜

Turns out Maisie wasn’t excited about that. Instead, she decided to come with Aelin.

“We should play freeze tag,” her little girl said at the same time her phone pinged.

Aedion: who’s the chick you posted a pic with

“Not now, honey. What about some TV, and we play freeze tag later?” She suggested while typing.

Aelin: wouldn’t you like to know

Aedion: tell me

“No!” Maisie shouted inside the car. “The TV is there forever, I want to play with you and Daddy.”

Aelin held back a flinch. Even if their family was a lot closer these days, they still had separate lives. Playing all three together was a frequent occurrence now, but not enough for Maisie to discard the opportunity.

This was one of the things she was hoping to change today.

“What about the drums, Mais?”

She typed while waiting for her daughter’s response.

Aelin: she’s my soccer mom bestie

Aelin: we bond over motherhood and my cursed love life

“I do like my drums,” Maisie agreed in that stubborn way of hers, making Aelin fist pump inside her mind when her phone pinged again.

Aedion: can her husband fight

She snorted, affectionately rolling her eyes before opening Rowan’s garden gate. She wouldn’t give Aedion the satisfaction of knowing that her friend’s a single mom, especially since Lys is too good for her manwhore cousin.

After setting Maisie in the garage and making sure she was safe there, Aelin rounded the house towards the backyard and knocked on the kitchen’s back door.

It was an odd sight. Rowan’s kitchen was a mess, his sink overflowing with dirty dishes while the utensils were scrambled over the counter, looking no better than Maisie’s play kitchen. He was already leaving through the other door when he turned around and let her in.

“Hey.“ Rowan gave her a small smile. ”I heard Maisie’s drums and thought it was a ghost. The party’s over already?”

Indeed, the kid’s drums were loud and clear two rooms over. She wondered why Rowan’s parents bought the chaotic ones instead of the ones with headphones.

Aelin shook her head. Not the time to think about drums.

She took a step deeper inside the kitchen heart thrumming as his expectant eyes watched her.

“We need to talk.”

“We do,” he said before taking off his apron and hanging it near him, his movements stiff. “Do you want me to start?”

“I’ll do it.” She tapped the side of her head. “I’m ready.”

When she said it, Aelin didn’t know she was, in fact, not ready.

She watched his open—if not a little uneasy—face, recalling some rules of non-violent communication inside her head. They hadn’t needed to strictly follow it in a while, but Aelin didn’t want to risk it. She wasn’t above making a scandal, but she wanted to show Rowan that he didn’t need to hide. No matter what happened, they could still be civil. No need to run away from her or shout.

She opened her mouth, but the words didn’t come. Step 1: communicate everything that happened without blaming your partner. Since this conversation was a last-minute decision, she didn’t know how to explain everything that was happening, or even what part of the last six years to explain. She didn’t want to say a huge monologue and overwhelm his brain either.

Then she thought of step two. Telling how she felt.

Ever since they met? That whole bloody emotion wheel.

Rowan hadn’t said a word while she struggled to articulate hers, and the way he was struggling to not let her know he was struggling made her mind race even more. His face would look neutral, if it wasn’t for that mildly-veiled worry in his eyes, his lips pinched. His body would look composed, if it wasn’t for that tension in his shoulders, or the way he discreetly fiddled with his fingers, his feet silently jiggling.

Aelin cleared her throat. “I know this goes against what we learned in therapy about healthy relationships, and respecting your partner’s autonomy, and…” she trailed, then stopped and squared her shoulders. Her eyes were determined and intent on him. “I know you can do whatever you want. But, in this conversation, I’m not giving you an option where you don’t end up with me. Together. Romantically, to be loud and clear.”

Rowan blinked. One, two, too many times for her poor, agitated heart. Then he took a step back while letting out something that was between a shaky smile and a wheezy puff of breath… and gave his back to her.

Aelin’s limbs slackened as she watched him open an oven and retrieve a cake. Without even properly rejecting her.

She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach, her heart aching from the weight of his rejection. All that effort, her blunt declaration. It was all in vain.

After placing the half-decorated chocolate cake—he never baked those. What’s going on?—in the counter, he ran to the living room and came back with a bouquet so big Aelin could barely see his face behind it. Kingsflower was the main feature of the bouquet.

Aelin took a step back, feeling like she's lost control of her own jaw. Her favorite cake and her favorite flowers.

Rowan tried to fix some edges of the unfinished chocolate frosting with a butter knife. Frowning at his incomplete work, he asked, “Have you ever felt like it’d be easier to die for someone than to hire a band and perform a cheesy love song for them?”

Her chuckle was watery, a little confused. “Why would you do that?”

“The whole story is a bit long, but I brainstormed a very extensive list with ways to convince you to be with me. Together. Romantically, to be loud and clear,” he replicated the last part of her inarticulate speech around a sheepish smile.

Aelin flung herself at him, her arms squeezing his middle and her forehead leaning against his collarbone when she whispered, “You never lost me, Rowan.”

“Yes, I did, and it was my fault.” His tone was just as low as he caressed Aelin’s hair against him. “I hurt you. I wasn’t there for you. I lost you.” His voice broke in the last sentence, his eyes glossy. ”I lost half of Maisie’s days too.”

“It’s on me, too.” Aelin stroked his cheek, small but reassuring. “There’s so many things I wish I’d done differently back then, but—“

“You can’t do the right choices when you’re not in the right state of mind,” Rowan quoted their therapist.

She gave him a weak smile. “Exactly.” She whispered, “I’m so sorry. For the delay, for every angry phone call, for—“

“Shh.” Rowan tangled his fingers on the back of her head, tilting her face to his as his gaze roamed over her face, searching. “I’m sorry too.”

Aelin licked her parted lips, eyes intent on Rowan’s as she felt her body temperature rise. He dipped his head, closing the distance—

“MOMMY!” Maisie screamed, shooting through the hallway as fast as a bullet. “GOTTA POO.”

Aelin startled, detangling herself from Rowan on instinct.

“Okay, honey,” she shouted, despite her breathlessness, after her daughter went to the bathroom that was right next to the kitchen. “Tell me when you’re done,”

Aelin laid her eyes on Rowan’s lips, distracted with the way his tongue licked them, and mumbled, “We must have from two to five minutes until she finishes.”

His lips closed to accommodate his snort. “Are you sure you want more kids?”

She swapped his chest, then left her hands there. God, those were nice to grope. “You’re not funny.”

“Not my strong suit, indeed.”

Without warning, Rowan pulled her face toward his, stopping for a second when the tip of their noses brushed to give her time to pull back. None of that. Aelin slid her hand to the back of his hair and pressed their lips together.

It was absolute heaven.

She opened up for him, letting his tongue in as he touched her face and hair with tender caresses. Aelin was already melting into his touch, but when she pushed her full body against his and grabbed a chunk of his hair, the mood shifted. Now, the way Rowan’s tongue massaged Aelin’s was as sinful as the way she pressed her full body against his.

Tasting her mouth like it was his, Rowan held her waist and hips like they were his lifeline. She took it was a cue to press herself against him until she left his cock bulging behind his pants, the friction making him hiss.

Rowan nipped her neck in retaliation, until it became a full ministration against her pulse point. Her moan against his ear was low, but enough to make him squeeze her waist harder. Aelin squirmed against him—

“Mom?” Maisie called from the bathroom.

Aelin took a step back, thanking Mala that Rowan looked a little amused by it, instead of annoyed like any other man would. “You done?” she shouted in Maisie’s direction.

“No.” A pause. “Have you ever had a clogged butt?”

Aelin grimaced. Not her favorite conversation topic while making out with her baby daddy for the first time in years. “Every now and then, Mais. Must run in the family, huh?”

“This sucks!”

“It never happens to me!” Rowan cut in. “My poop moves like my stomach’s a water slide because I eat green stuff that aren’t M&M’s.”

Her dad’s snark made Maisie groan. Loudly. Like a tiny teenager. “MOM! I need to unclog my butt.”

Aelin’s sigh against Rowan’s chest quickly became a chuckle. “I’ll be right back.”

He gave her a small kiss. “Go.”

~~

“And when she left the house to meet the prince—“

“No!” Maisie shouted, interrupting her bedtime story. She was dragging her eyelids open, clearly struggling to stay awake. “She’ll meet with the witch.”

Aelin frowned. “Honey, the witch is evil. We have to run away from her, remember?”

She leaned on her elbow. “But the evil witch deserves love, too.”

“Fine,” Aelin said while Rowan put Maisie back into a sleeping position. He was never good at coming up with stories, so he just sat by their daughter’s bed while Aelin struggled to think of a tale Maisie liked. “And when she left the house to—“

“But why does she want to live with the prince? Her dad is nice.”

Aelin gave a strained smile, her patience wearing thin. “Because that’s what happens when you grow up, love. At some point, you’ll want to move out—“

“No.” Maisie crossed her arms, pouting. “We’ll live together forever, and travel together to all the places, because we’re friends and we love each other.”

That was enough to melt Aelin’s impatience. She grinned, pecking all over Maisie’s face and laying next to her in her bed. Rowan’s eyes were crinkled with joy next to them, but Aelin’s only focus was on making Maisie sleep.

“Okay, Maisy Daisy. You’re right about that.” Aelin caressed the girl’s pale blonde hair, not caring to explain that her opinion would change the second she became a teenager. Maisie started to let herself drift because of Aelin’s cuddles, they hugged until it was sure the little girl wouldn’t wake up anymore.

Aelin got up and rounded the bed until she was next to Rowan. She lightly scraped her nails against his shoulders and neck, making him shiver, and whispered, “Come on.”

Their day consisted of freeze tag, family meals, and clandestine kisses when Maisie couldn’t see. They would tell her when it felt right.

Rowan took a last peak at Maisie and adjusted her night lights, before sending Aelin a heated look that told her it was time to move to another bedroom.

When they stepped out of Maisie’s room and were out of earshot, Rowan threw Aelin against the hallway wall and captured her lips with his.

A/N: my main plot line ends here and now I’m just stretching things with lots of fluff and minor conflict just to keep things going. I’m emotional.

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[rowanaelinn]

i need to hug him. i want to make him feel so much better

Look at Us Now - ch. 17

Fic masterlist

Hey! It feels like forever since I last posted, probably because I was kinda handling a crisis at home 😅 the crisis is very much still on, but I’m ~excluding myself from the narrative~ for mental health reasons, which hopefully means I’ll stop skipping classes and write more lol. Anyway. Have fun!

Warnings: language

Words: 2,7k

Rowan failed her.

He was reminiscing, reflecting on a rocking chair, under the faint light of the beach house’s side porch. Alone. The hammering sound of the rain against the roof was loud, but not as much as Rowan’s thoughts.

His doom was a lot easier to deal with when Aelin was just someone who broke his heart because she didn’t care enough about him.

He rocked his chair a bit harder, his muscles strained. He was too angry at himself to stay still, but too gloomy to have an eruptive reaction.

Rowan got up, pacing around the porch. He couldn’t stop thinking what would’ve happened if he’d done his job right. Maybe they would be together now. Maybe their co-parenting arrangement would’ve stayed friendly. Either way would be better than what it became.

The purely physical affair he had with Aelin was brutally interrupted by his incarceration and the discovery of her pregnancy. After that, they bonded in a way that made him feel like their souls were melting to be forged as one, but it was just another way of not having her.

Aelin was never fully his, and she would never be after what he’d done.

And even if she wanted to take a risk and have him, what if Rowan broke his family all over again?

Three knocks against the doorframe snapped Rowan out of his thoughts, and was all warning his mother gave him before sitting on a rocking chair.

“I brought some hot tea for you to tell me what happened. Come on.”

He complied, knowing he didn’t have the energy to defy Rory Whitethorn right now. Rowan could trust his mom to read his moods like a manual. He sat on the other rocking chair next to hers. “Did I ever tell you you’re too nosy?”

“I’m your mother. If I didn’t pry, I wouldn’t know anything that happened in your life ever since you left for college.”

He let out a quiet chuckle and sipped the chamomile tea she brought. Breathing the rain’s fresh air in, he let it fill his hollow chest. Rowan couldn’t even begin to explain his situation without uttering the words he dreaded the most, something he’d never dared say out loud before.

“I’m in love with Aelin.”

He stilled, bracing himself for the I’ve been telling you that forever or You’re six years too late, but all he got was an unreadable motherly look.

Rory reached for his upper arm, stroked it with her thumb before she said, “That’s a good thing, honey.”

“We were growing closer lately, and I… well, I didn’t have a plan, but—“ Rowan ran a hand through his hair, closed his eyes and let out a pained breath. “She explained today why she asked me to move out of her house. It’s bad, mom.”

“I see…” Rory trailed, his chest caving as she did. This was a bad indicator. The situation was so serious his mother was actually thinking before she opened her mouth. She continued, “I’m assuming you won’t tell me what happened?”

“I’m not sure I can.”

Even if Aelin allowed him to tell Rory about her mental illness, everything that happened between them back then still felt too raw, too intimate.

“That’s okay.” His mother gave him a small, reassuring smile. “Did she forgive you?”

“I—“ Rowan’s mouth hung open for a moment, then he closed it. He was about to say ‘no’, but even though Aelin didn’t say the words, she didn’t look mad or wounded either. “I’m not sure.”

“It was a long time ago, and she doesn’t look upset about it anymore.” His mom’s voice was soft, her touch on his forearm gentle. “This looks a lot like forgiveness to me.”

“Yeah, but that’s beside the point.” His mouth was ajar as he flailed his arms in front of him, struggling to explain that weight in his chest. “I shouldn’t be looking for cues and forgiveness. I shouldn’t have done anything that—“ Rowan rubbed both hands against his face, coming to terms with the fact that it’d take a while until he found the right words. “I don’t even feel like I deserve her forgiveness, to begin with.”

Rory recoiled. “But that’s not your decision.”

The sudden change in his mother’s tone, from soft to firm, snapped Rowan out of his spiral of self-loathing. “What?”

“Honey,” she pursed her lips, that trademark Whitethorn frown on. “Only Aelin can decide whether you deserve her or not. If she thinks you do and wants to try again…” Rory shrugged. “Just take that chance and don’t make the same mistake twice.”

Rowan’s mouth and shoulders went slack. “Am I supposed to forget I deeply wounded the mother of my child?”

Because that’s exactly what happened. Rowan was so scared to hurt Maisie it made him blind to some of Aelin’s needs, and he hurt his family anyway. His throat closed, and he felt as heavy as Aelin’s words on the night that crushed his dreams. That’s what happens, right? It’s impossible for a man to wound the mother exclusively. As if this isn’t bad enough, it leaves a trail of hurt that affects the entire family.

This one was on him.

“That was included in the ‘don’t fuck up again’ part.” Something about his expression made his mother soften. “It’s normal to wallow, but you can’t let that stop your life, Rowan. It’s always the same thing.” Rory sighed, and Rowan felt she was gazing right into his soul with the same green eyes she gave him. “Honey, you’re so full of what-ifs, it’s putting your entire life on hold. Sometimes you gotta be a little bold to get the things you want in life.”

Rowan stared at his mother, dizziness taking over him as his insides sank to the pit of his stomach. The rain was dying down, the gentle wind rustling his hair, but he couldn’t move.

At that moment, Rowan wanted to defend himself. He didn’t have the energy to, but he wanted to say that his mother was wrong, that she didn’t understand. He wanted to get up and scream.

He doesn’t like the way things are now, he never liked the co-parenting arrangement.

He didn’t choose this.

He never chose to wait for things to settle until six years passed by, it just happened.

Rowan is a careful person, that’s part of him. Always weighing his next step, always waiting for the right time.

And while he waited for the timing to be perfect, Aelin got pregnant, moved in with him, birthed his baby, kicked him out, grew to hate him, stopped hating him, and now their daughter is five years old.

He was still gravitating around her, waiting for the right time to do something. Anything. Rowan wasn’t even sure what exactly he was supposed to do, he just knew it involved bringing Aelin back into his life.

Sensing his struggle, Rory sat back and decided to not press on the subject. “This reminds me of your dad, you know?” Her gaze grew distant, a bittersweet smile on her lips. “It’s easier for him when I mess up than when he does. The guilt is always the worst part for him.”

“Sounds like Dad,” Rowan said around a faint chuckle.

Rory wiggled her eyebrows. ”You know what helped him a lot?”

“Huh.”

“Therapy.”

Rowan tensed, and he narrowed his eyes at his mother, trying to decide if he should believe her. “You’re lying.”

“I am! But it got into your stubborn head, didn’t it?”

Rowan chuckled, his gloomy state not strong enough to survive his mother’s antics. “Not now that I know it’s a lie!”

She gave him a small grin, then reached for her son’s hand. “Honey, your father’s mental well-being is called retirement, a grown child, and leaving the big city to a beach house. You can’t have any of that now, so you should consider therapy.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Rowan waved her off. “I’ll think about it.”

“Also, you should really talk to Aelin. You’re not good at reading cues, honey, you got this from your dad as well.”

He gave her a sidelong glance, noticing that she was off her handling-my-son-in-crisis mode, back to her usual self. “Is that so?”

Rory adjusted herself in chair, picking back the long-forgotten mug of tea. “Did I ever tell you your father hired a band when he proposed to me? You have no idea the amount of unsubtle hints I gave him.”

“Mom.” Rowan interrupted, giving her a pointed, knowing look. “I don’t remember saying anything about proposing.”

He had no idea if Aelin would let him get anywhere close to that.

“I know.” Rory’s elbow on his side was as faint as her subtlety. “But keep that in mind.”

He chuckled. “The band or the hints?”

“Both. Especially hints about bands.”

~~

“And what if you want to swim?” He asked, crouched on the floor and eye-to-eye with Maisie, his face as serious as it could be.

“I can’t swim without a grown-up.”

“Any grown-up?”

“No strangers!” She dramatically shook her head. “Just Mommy, Auntie Sellene and Aidan.”

“Maisie.” Rowan’s voice was firm. “Your cousin Aidan isn’t a grown-up.”

“But he’s nine!”

“No, he’s still a kid. And…” He bowed his head, running his palm against his forehead. “I’m forgetting something.”

“Daddy.” She gave him a pointed look. “You’re being a buzzard.”

Rowan bit back a smile. The weight in his chest almost crushed him to pieces the first time Maisie called him that, about a month ago, but he was growing to love hearing the nickname Aelin gave him come from his daughter’s mouth.

“Oh.” He looked back up to her. “And what do we do about the beach animals?”

Maisie crossed her arms. “Leave them alone because it’s their home.”

“Perfect.” He kissed the top of his daughter’s head. “Time for sunscreen.”

“You done, Buzzard?”

Rowan startled, snapping his eyes to the doorway and finding Aelin there. If he wasn’t on his knees already, he would be now.

Her pink bikini made his eyes linger, but was enough to make him train his eyes back to her face, and Rowan thanked Mala she was at least wearing denim shorts. He plastered on a smile, looking at her face. Not her pink bikini and exposed curves. Blonde hair—not the ends hugging her breasts—and blue eyes. He focused on her face.

It was a regular beach attire, but Aelin didn’t need much to take his breath away.

She smiled at her daughter, pointing at the lotion in Rowan’s hand. “Auntie Sellene can’t find Bree’s sunscreen, can you hand yours to them?”

Maisie got the tube from her dad and ran downstairs, a girl on a mission. After a quick peek in the hallway, Aelin closed the door and took a step closer to Rowan, her arms crossed.

“You sure you don’t wanna come?”

Rowan shook his head. “I got a thing.”

“You got a thing… in a city where you have no work, and half the people you know are going to the beach?”

His lips pressed together in a slight grimace. “I’m staying home with the other half.”

“Rowan, are you—“ Aelin took a step closer and lowered her voice before asking, “Are we alright?”

“Yeah.” His voice came higher than intended, then he corrected, “No. Um.” Rowan grimaced. “Actually, can we—“

“Come on, Aelin!” Sellene shouted from downstairs.

He gave her a close-lipped smile. “You should go.”

“Sure.”

She took a step back, eyeing him carefully before fully turning around. Rowan’s shoulders dropped in relief when she left. They needed to talk, yes, but Rowan needed to organize his thoughts before they did.

He waited in his room until the rental car drove off the garage, and headed towards his dad’s office. Rowan flinched every time the wooden floor creaked—he didn’t know why, since he wasn’t sneaking, but something about that moment made him want to go unnoticed. It wasn’t his childhood home, but it still had the same smell of baked goods and the same pictures on the wall. Except that now the pictures of Rowan as a kid were side-by-side with Maisie’s.

In one of the frames, he was wearing his daily camouflage uniform, while Aelin wore the hospital staff’s maternity uniform—white pants and a white wrap blouse she absolutely hated, but her blinding smile suggested she wasn’t worried about it at the moment. Rowan remembered it was taken on the day they moved into her house, but he never understood why his mother kept it there. She wasn’t even with them that day, Aelin texted her that one, but maybe she noticed how Aelin’s silly smiles and enormous bump broke his usual serious stance in pictures.

Rowan didn’t miss how she ignored his love confession yesterday.

He glanced at the watch at the end of the hall. It was almost time. He wanted a better way to look at things, but it was a difficult task. What was Rowan supposed to tell her? Hi. Remember when you made me realize the biggest mistake of my life, I confessed my love to you, and you stayed silent? I already have my rejection, I just need the complete humiliation to have some closure.

It could be a dramatic depiction of what he was going to say, but he couldn’t find a better way to put it right now.

Depending on how the conversation went, Rowan could even grovel enough to confess that he didn’t need Aelin to love him back, that was not his issue. If she chose to share her life with him, that’d be more than he could ever ask for.

But would that be what he deserves?

Deserving of her or not, Aelin is the mother of his child, the love of his life. He didn’t expect her forgiveness, but he couldn’t let go of her either.

He opened his dad’s computer and logged into his email to get the link. He opened Zoom two minutes early, but the meeting’s host was already there.

“Hey there!” Yrene cheered from his screen. “I wasn’t expecting your text, but it’s good to see you.”

This session had been canceled for a very long time, since he and Aelin decided to not do therapy during their vacation. However, it came in very handy that Rowan’s mental turmoil started a day before their weekly session was supposed to happen, so he texted Yrene asking if they could meet online.

Rowan tried to smile, but his expression was strained. “Did I crash your plans?”

“Not at all! I was going to lie on the couch and play Subway Surfers for an hour. It’s a good thing you called, since I’m always encouraging people to fight their vices.” Yrene leaned closer to her screen, as if it’d help her see Rowan’s better. “Where’s Aelin?”

He scratched the back of his head, fighting the unease in the bottom of his stomach. “It’s just me today.”

She straightened her posture, squaring her shoulders. “An individual session, then?”

Rowan nodded.

“Good!” Yrene cleared her throat and continued in a serious tone, “I mean, good. What made you take that decision?”

Rowan swallowed, fiddling with his fingers and steeling himself for what he was about to say. For the second time.

“I’m in love with Aelin.”

“Go on.”

He frowned. “You don’t look surprised.”

“I’m really not.” Yrene’s own blunt answer made her grimace. “What I mean is, I’ve been working with families for a long time. It gets easy to tell.”

“Sure.”

He looked at Yrene. She looked at him. He was the first one to break, darting a glance at the wall, feigning interest there to ignore the awkwardness of this situation. Rowan wasn’t used to leading conversations, Aelin and Yrene usually did that.

“Okay.” His therapist cleared her throat. “I’ll give you two options, and you’ll choose how we start: you can tell me what happened in your vacation, or we can talk about how you only choose therapy because of your family, never yourself.”

Rowan was halfway into a flinch when he schooled his expression. This wasn’t a difficult choice at all.

“We arrived here last Saturday…”

You can get notified when I update by either turning notifications on for @backtobl4ck-fics or entering my (sometimes glitchy) tag list!!

TAG LIST

I couldn’t tag the people in bold, sorry!

@aelinchocolatelover

@autumnbabylon

@bookcide

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[rowanaelinn]

a "friend" spilled coffee on my computer and now it’s broken, and I’ve officially lost more than 30 stories i’ve written, including 10k words from an original work :)

[rowanaelinn]

I demand life updates!!!

Also…are we never ever getting anymore Wires chapters?!🥲🥲

I hate being annoying but I’ve never been that obsessed with any fic…

Anyways lots of love cupcake!💕

life update: life is good!!! missing home a lot, but also it’s so fun here in a way, although their food is disgusting 😂

as for wires….. i will not continue the fic, i’m sorry! but it’s mostly because…. I’m trying it into a book!!!!!

it will be the third book of the series i’m writing now, all three books in a f1 world!

i love this story so much, and i’m excited to see it turned into something bigger!

as for the fic i’m keeping it up for now, but once i finish writing the first book i will have to delete it but it’s not now and i will warn you beforehand!

#ask #wires ask

[rowanaelinn]

HE KNOWS. HE LOVES HER. BUT HE FLINCHED!!!!!!!!! MARIA DO U HATE US

Look at Us Now - ch. 16

Fic masterlist

This writer ran away because she’s too nervous to write an A/N

Warnings: language

Words: 2,5k

Aelin hadn’t slept an ink today, partially because Rowan took her sleeping pill for last night, and she brought a limited amount for this trip.

She cuddled Maisie, caressing the little girl’s back as she reminisced about what happened. Aelin’s body went stiff every time he moved in his sleep, holding her breath, trying to anticipate what would happen in this conversation that was long overdue.

Aelin liked to be private about her mental health issues, but she knew they weren’t a big deal. She wasn’t special for taking sleeping pills and antidepressants, and millions of people went through the exact same thing. Still, every time Aelin opened her mouth, she choked with the words and let them die on the back of her throat, clogging it further as the years passed by with every word she wished she’d said, but didn’t.

When Rowan’s movements went from sporadic and uncoordinated to a clear motion of him dragging his hand to scratch his eyes, Aelin’s pulse skyrocketed. She stayed frozen, unable to breathe until he turned around and gave her a faint smile.

“Morning.” Rowan’s tone was husky, and he moved closer to take a sniff at Maisie’s hair—who Aelin may or may not be using as a human shield at the moment.

“Hey.” Aelin gave him a tentative smile. “How do you feel?”

“Like I died.”

She grimaced. That was predictable, since he took sedatives he didn’t need for the first time. Aelin got up and sat on the edge of the other side of the bed, making him turn around to face her.

She held Rowan’s hand, fiddling with his knuckles and fingers. “What do you remember from last night?”

He sat up against the headboard and scratched his eyes before answering, “My mom and I were playing with Maisie, but I had a headache, probably from the sun. Then I came upstairs and… oh.” Rowan’s brows went up for a moment. “Okay, I see where you’re getting at.”

Aelin squeezed his hand, her heartbeat still fast despite his ease. “You took my sleeping pill.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that.” Rowan ran a hand through his frazzled hair, frowning. “I remember you had trouble sleeping, I just thought it was Maisie’s fault,” he mentioned how she half-lied to him about her insomnia being due to the pregnancy.

“You’re not upset I take them?” Aelin’s voice was careful, testing the waters to see how far she should go with this conversation.

“No, why would I be?” Rowan blinked, raising his eyebrows to drag his eyelids open for a second, not fully awake yet. “They’re actually quite effective. I get the appeal now.“ He sighed, looking a bit more serious now. “I just don’t get why you lied to me.”

Indeed, telling him her psych meds were headache pills wasn’t her brightest move. Aelin rubbed her hand against her forehead, trying to think of a good way to explain this, when she noticed little green eyes staring them down, Maisie’s brows wrinkled as she hid under her blankie.

Despite the unrest in the pit of Aelin’s stomach, she smiled at her daughter. “Good morning, Maisy Daisy.”

Rowan quickly picked Maisie up and put her in his lap, kissing the crown of her head. “Are you hungry?”

“Hey,” their daughter said with a hesitant tone. “Not hungry.”

“Are you sure?” Aelin wiggled her eyebrows. “I heard your grandma has chocolate cake downstairs.”

Maisie looked conflicted, chewing on her bottom lip while her eyes darted between her parents until she agreed. Aelin took the little girl’s hand and led her downstairs, leaving on a silent agreement with Rowan that he’d wait for her to come back.

“Good morning, you two,” Owen greeted, in the kitchen. If the smile he sent Aelin was soft, the one reserved for his granddaughter was absolutely mushy as he and Rory showed everything they brought from the bakery earlier today.

Maisie didn’t look like her usual self, though. Her plate still looked like a little mountain, stuffed with more food than she was capable of eating, but her expression was borderline downcast, not what Aelin expected for a morning with baked goods and her grandparents.

Aelin was putting together a small tray with two croissants and orange juice, for herself and Rowan, when she asked her daughter, “Honey, can you stay with your grandparents for a minute?” Aelin wrinkled her nose, dramatically feigning annoyance for the little girl’s sake. “Your dad and I need to talk about boring, grown-up stuff.”

“No, I want to go with you.”

Aelin snapped her head back to the little girl. “What?”

Maisie’s green eyes looked wary as she studied her mother. It was a rare thing, her being hesitant to hang out with her grandparents.

“I thought you and Daddy didn’t fight anymore.”

Her daughter’s small, concerned tone was a punch to Aelin’s gut. With all the fights, therapy and trying to make amends, she hadn’t talked about it with Maisie once. The only reason Aelin even knew the little girl was aware of it was because of her drawings and the teacher.

Truth was, Aelin wasn’t going to bring her issues with Rowan to their five-year-old daughter. But her chest felt hollow as she considered that maybe her communication with Maisie was lacking too much, making her anxious even after they were in a better place.

Aelin sat by Maisie’s side, carefully assessing the little girl’s guarded expression. “Your dad and I used to fight a lot. I bet that made you upset, huh?”

Maisie didn’t answer, just pouted with her eyes trained on her breakfast.

“I’m so sorry you saw that, Mais.” Aelin caressed the crown of her head. “But it’s okay to disagree sometimes. Remember what happens when you don’t want to stop playing before dinner?”

”I get upset.”

“And when do I get upset?”

Maisie’s expression turned sheepish. “When I yell at you.”

“That’s right.” Aelin’s tone was calm, reassuring despite the mention of her daughter’s misbehaving. “Because disagreeing is normal, what’s important is that we always respect each other.”

“But you yell at Daddy too.”

“Your father and I used to yell at each other a lot, yes.” Aelin held back a grimace, feeling her face heat when she noticed Rory and Owen both were pointedly not looking at them during her talk with Maisie. “But we realized we were wrong, apologized, and stopped it.” Aelin put a hand on the little girl’s shoulder to grab her attention further. ”Because your dad and I are friends, okay? No matter what happens, it’s never your fault, and we’ll always love you very much.”

“‘Kay.” Maisie nodded, fiddling with her spoon. “Love you too.”

“I’m going upstairs, your dad and I are not going to yell at each other, and then we’ll find you and play whatever you want. Is that okay with you?”

Maisie’s nod was solemn. “Hopscops?”

“Of course.” Aelin kissed her daughter’s forehead, grabbed her breakfast tray and excused herself from the kitchen, leaving with sympathetic looks from Rowan’s parents.

˜˜

”You’re tense.”

“I’m not,” Aelin said before chomping on her croissant. She wasn’t even hungry. In fact, Aelin felt like she could retch her breakfast any minute now. But for some reason, right now, she’d rather vomit croissant than the words stuck on her throat.

It’s not a big deal, she repeated inside her head before balking over and over again.

“You are. You’re so tense you’re making me tense too.” Rowan sipped his cup of coffee, only half aware of her anxious state. “Is this about the sleeping pills? Because I don’t mind that I took them. In fact, I don’t think I slept that well ever since Maisie was born.”

“The sleeping pills…” Aelin trailed, weighing how small those baby steps would be. “I take them with a psychiatrist.”

“Elide?”

“No, Dr. Blackbeak.” A pause. “I can see her anytime from every three weeks to every six months. It really depends on how well I’m doing.”

He frowned. “Like how well you’re sleeping?”

”Could be.” Aelin’s breaths were too shallow, her heart too fast. “But it’s mostly about how well I’m doing with my antidepressants.”

”Your…” Rowan blinked one, twice. “What?”

Aelin‘s stomach rolled, his baffled face creeped a crawling sensation on her skin. She rubbed her temple with two fingers, wondering how she should deal with his confusion. Again. If Rowan had a similar reaction from last time, she wouldn’t know what to do.

She held his face with both hands. Aelin’s voice was gentle and firm when she said, “Don’t say anything until you fully process what I’ll say, okay?” She waited until he nodded to continue, “I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder in my late teens. That doesn’t mean I’m sad all the time, I’m just prone to have depressive episodes throughout my life. One of my episodes was postpartum depression, which I’m sure you know what it is.”

Rowan‘s eyes widened and he opened his mouth, but she beat him to it.

“No. Think about it, talk later.”

He silently nodded then collapsed against the headboard, his eyes growing distant as if he was watching a movie in his head. Aelin watched as Rowan’s body became unnaturally still, his aimless gaze on the wall behind her going from bewildered to haunted.

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Then Rowan muttered something incomprehensible to himself a moment later, but Aelin decided it was better to give him more time to process it. Half because of him, half because she was dreading his next words.

“Shh.” Aelin ran a finger on his bottom lip, sealing his mouth closed. “Not yet.”

But Rowan aimed his anguished green eyes towards her, his gaze so intense it rendered her speechless. He gently took her wrist off his hand.

“I failed you.”

Aelin stiffened, a sudden coldness hitting her core. “Don’t say that.”

It could look like that depending on which angle they saw it, but it isn’t how Aelin liked to think about This wasn’t the time to argue about it with him, but even if Rowan had messed up in the past, she also did her own mistakes that led to their separation before that fateful day. Lying to him, for example. She was hoping to correct this one today.

“Aelin, I—“ He motioned to caress her face, but stopped his hand in the air. Instead, he reached to squeeze her hand. “I’m so, so sorry. I can’t even—“ Rowan let out a deep, pained breath. “I should’ve been there, Aelin. I should’ve…” He rubbed both hands on his face. “I was so mad at you, but just to think you were sick, and I left you alone in that house with Maisie, I—“

“I told you to leave, Rowan.” Her voice was gentle yet firm, but it didn’t seem to soothe him in the slightest.

“I loved you.”

Time slowed down, Aelin’s muscles went numb, her core too heavy as she struggled to grasp his words.

He loved her?

Rowan cared about her back then, Aelin was sure he did, but love?

He continued, “And if I weren’t so blind, then angry too…” Rowan muttered, his voice cracking. ”I shouldn’t have left after one fight. I should’ve asked you questions, I should’ve put you before my concerns—“

“You loved me?”

Rowan nodded, his pine-green eyes having the same agonized, crumbling look from five years ago. “I still do.”

Aelin’s mouth fell open, and she felt dizzy all of a sudden. She couldn’t think, it was her pounding heartbeat and tingling skin that made her itch to touch his skin. Aelin outstretched her hand to caress his left cheek, stroking her thumb against it and—

He flinched.

She jerked away from him, confused. Rowan just told her he loved her, didn’t he? Or did she hallucinate—

It took her a few moments to grasp what happened. This didn’t look like a standing-by-your-window-and-begging-for-your-love kind of confession. Rowan’s posture was hunched, and the crease between his brows and ragged breath was a painstaking portrayal of his tormented state.

Aelin had five years to process what happened. So far, Rowan had five minutes.

It wasn’t the right time to make a romantic advance, so Aelin moved to sit next to him and hug him. However, he was the one to hold her instead.

“I should’ve been there with you, I… I won’t make the same mistake twice. I promise.” He kissed the crown of Aelin’s head, holding her as if she was his lifeline. “And if you need me, I can…” Rowan sighed, running his palm against his face. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do, but I’ll do it.”

“Hey!” Aelin exclaimed, trying to lighten up the mood. “I’m a big girl, okay? I can take care of myself. I just wanted you to know.”

“I know you can, it’s just…” he trailed, crumbling against the headboard. “How did you handle things? When Maisie was little.”

“Littler, you mean? Is that even a word?”

Rowan squeezed her hand. “Tell me.”

“Shared custody broke my heart, but it allowed me to have time to myself.” Aelin closed her eyes, supporting her head against his shoulder as a bittersweet feeling took over her. “Turns out my family got so overbearing after you left the house, their assistance almost made me lose my mind.” Aelin snorted, overwhelmed with memories of her fussy family. “Dorian was there almost every weekday, even after Fenrys moved into his house.”

“And how about you?”

“Healing was a… painfully slow process, but I was in a really good place when Maisie was a toddler.”

“Really?” Rowan sounded almost like himself now, his tone close to a tease. “I’m pretty sure my job only got harder when Maisie learned how to speak.”

She laughed at his snarky comment, her chest filling with warmth. Parenting such an argumentative little girl wasn’t an easy job indeed, but they wouldn’t have it any other way.

Aelin didn’t know if her reveal was a success or not. Rowan was understanding, yes, which she was grateful for, but she didn’t expect him to feel guilt. To be honest, she didn’t want him to feel bad about it at all. Aelin just wanted to forget about that whole thing and move forward with him.

“And how did you get to see Yrene every week?” Rowan frowned. “I can’t imagine going to her office every week when Maisie was a baby.”

“I was seeing Nesryn back then, Yrene’s kind of a recent addition. And I had online sessions.”

“Oh.” Rowan’s brows went up. “I forgot that was an option.”

Aelin chuckled and snuggled him further. Whereas she hadn’t forgotten about her promise to play hopscotch with Maisie, right now, Aelin just wanted to hold Rowan in bed and answer the million questions he had.

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[rowanaelinn]

oh rowan whitethorn the man that you are……. you’re so dumb

Look at Us Now - ch. 15

Fic masterlist

This is the last flashback😭😭 I’m emotional

Warnings: language, postpartum depression

Words: 3,3k

Aelin’s legs were burning. All of her muscles felt heavy, which didn’t help her back pain, and with a blurred vision and dulled senses, she kept gently bouncing on that yoga ball. And bouncing. And bouncing. Aelin had no idea for how long she had been doing this, but it was the only way Maisie would stop crying.

Looking around, the white walls of her new home were bare, no watch in sight. There was a TV, but Aelin was so stressed she might throw the remote against the screen. With her phone in her bedroom, the only thing she could do was look at Maisie and keep bouncing on that yoga ball.

Her baby looked blissful as ever, letting little squeals of delight when Aelin would get particularly anguished and push her legs harder than needed. It only made her feel worse.

Maisie. Her daughter’s toothless grins didn’t always make her feel rewarded, sometimes they felt more like a reminder of how oblivious her baby was to the disaster that was Aelin’s attempts at being a proper mother.

Aelin couldn’t quite swallow the lump in her throat, so it came back as tears streaming down her face, her heart constricting and bleeding as she wondered why. Why couldn’t she just muscle through this? Why did she flinch every time her baby began to cry? Why couldn’t she stop thinking about herself, her feelings and her fatigue when Aelin vowed to put Maisie first when she found out about the pregnancy?

She wiped away the mix of tears and sweat from her face, her sore legs now trembling. Aelin was a doctor, she knew what was about to happen. Her muscles were giving out, but she wouldn’t.

Maisie was a colicky baby, she’d recently found out. Hours of bouncing on a yoga ball was better than hours of listening to her scream bloody murder for no reason.

Aelin strained her legs harder, groaning through the pain. She saw Dr. Blackbeak recently, who confirmed her postpartum depression and told her to find time to put herself first, get a support system. That sounded like a joke now.

She muffled her screams with her forearm, her muscles feeling like they were being ripped to shreds. Aelin would’ve fallen on the floor if she hadn’t been at an arm’s length from the couch, but she dragged herself out of the yoga ball and laid on the couch.

Maisie’s first wail came the second Aelin stopped bouncing.

She shushed and soothed her daughter, but the longer she stayed away from the yoga ball, the louder those screams got, making Aelin wonder how her ears weren’t bleeding yet.

Her legs had rested for what? Thirty seconds? More than enough. God, she wished someone would’ve told her having a baby was harder than military training. When Aelin was getting out of the couch to get back to that damned yoga ball. She heard a car pulling up in the garage. Her shoulders immediately dropped, some tension in her body immediately being released. Rowan was here.

Except that when the door was opened, the person that came through it was Dorian Havilliard.

She frowned. “What are you doing here?”

He pointed at her crying baby. “What’s wrong with that thing?”

Aelin’s eyes darted between Maisie and a very relaxed Dorian, an idea perking her up. She pointed at the yoga ball. “Can you sit on that thing for me?”

“What?”

“Sit on that thing now!” Aelin snapped, out-screaming Maisie.

Dorian ran towards it, his hand up in surrender. When he held the baby and bounced on the ball under his friend’s commands, the silence coming from Maisie was music to Aelin’s ears. She closed her eyes and let her muscles melt into the couch.

“Thank you,” Aelin told her friend, as earnest one could get. Still, despite her legs’ protests, she got up to get her phone.

She’d been debating for days if she’d use Dr. Blackbeak’s prescription, but the yoga ball was her last straw. If she couldn’t produce serotonin enough to go through her day, those synthetic doses would have to do.

“Where are you going?” Dorian asked.

“Getting my phone. I need to buy some meds.”

“Stay down.” He pointed at the couch, and took his phone out of his pocket without letting Maisie make a fuss. ”Here, take mine.”

In a matter of minutes, Aelin downloaded her online prescription in Dorian’s phone and ordered just the antidepressant to be delivered. She had two prescriptions, but the sleeping pills would require her to stop breastfeeding, and Aelin wasn’t ready for that yet.

“She’s asleep,” he announced, “can I sit on the couch too now?”

“No, keep bouncing.”

He frowned. “But my back hurts.”

“Good thing you’re an ortho.”

Dorian rolled his eyes, but complied. When he unlocked his phone, his eyebrows went up for a second, but he quickly forced his face back into neutrality. “I thought you’d stopped taking these.”

“So did I.” Aelin swallowed, her chest tightening to think of all the hard work she did to send her depression into remission, vanished. Dorian didn’t know details or the extent of her disorder, he just saw medication boxes and likely took his conclusions, until they weren’t there anymore. She never felt like telling, and he never asked.

In an attempt to stop Dorian from asking further questions, she took a—finally—asleep Maisie from his arms and placed her on the little bassinet that stayed wherever in the house Aelin was. In this case, the living room.

Still, her friend’s eyes never left Aelin. He had that little crease between his brows and a determined look in his eyes, a telltale sign of how much the engines in his mind were working, and Aelin just wanted to evaporate and leave his scrutinizing gaze.

Truth was, Dorian is so smart it’s annoying, and it’s not hard to piece together why a woman with a history of depression is buying antidepressants two months after giving birth.

“She’s got quite the lungs, huh?” Her friend’s voice was soft.

Aelin gave him a sidelong glance. “You haven’t seen half of it.”

He snorted, but his mood sobered before he asked, “And what about Hot Lieutenant?”

“He‘s a really good dad, and he helps me take a break at night and most weekends. He's been getting shitty work schedules ever since horny jail, though.”

”And when he isn’t here?”

Aelin smiled at her baby, and wiggled her fingers against her little tummy, careful enough to not wake her up. “Then Maisy Daisy and I have some girl time together.”

“Ouch.” Dorian pressed a hand to his chest in mock-offense. “And you didn’t invite me?”

“No, and here you are,” Aelin joked about the fact that he—thankfully—showed up at her house uninvited today.

“Yeah.” He stole a glance her way, his eyes tentative. “And I was wondering if you and Hot Lieutenant wouldn’t mind seeing me more often.”

Aelin frowned, her attention fully on Dorian this time. “What do you mean?

“You know I almost only work in the mornings so I can focus on the gym, but I clearly don’t need it since…” he gestured towards the yoga ball. “Your daughter’s a little personal trainer.”

She froze, already knowing where he was getting to. “Dorian, you don’t have to—“

He held a finger up. “I won’t even ask why you refuse to hire a nanny—“

”Rowan and I decided it’s too soon to trust a stranger—“

“Then let me help!” Dorian interrupted, his voice a little higher than what was safe in a place with a sleeping baby. “Look, Aelin, this isn’t about me or you.” His face kept serious, but his eyes had a playful glint now. “Every kid deserves a rich, gay uncle. And I need to step up to unclehood.”

Chuckling, Aelin bowed her head, running a rand through it when she sat on the couch. “Can you even change a diaper?”

“No.”

She looked up at him with raised eyebrows. “Can you burp her?”

“I can do a Heimlich Maneuver, treat infant musculoskeletal conditions and bounce on the yoga ball.”

Aelin threw her head back and cackled. “Perfect. You’re hired.”

“Yes!” Dorian did a fist pump. “Just talk to that broody baby daddy of yours, okay?” He hummed. “Maybe he’ll even like me after he sees what a perfectly good uncle I am.”

Yeah, that might be a problem, but she didn’t care. Rowan didn’t want somebody they didn’t trust with Maisie, but Aelin trusted Dorian. A lot. And the fact that he’s her ex became insignificant considering that Rowan made it very clear he isn’t romantically interested in her. Which was still a punch to the gut, but Aelin had bigger things going on.

“He likes you,” she lied, “he’s just… Rowan.”

Dorian pressed his lips together, trying to keep a straight face. “He looks at me as if the law is the only thing keeping me alive.”

Aelin chuckled, leaning into him. “I’ll talk to him. When can you come?”

He hummed, putting a thumb up to start finger-counting. “I have my job at the clinic in the mornings.” Another finger up. “Then I’ll get to my second job as a nanny in the afternoons.” A third finger up. “And my third, nightly job is to do very dirty things to your neighbor down the street. Rinse and repeat.”

“Gross. How’s Fenrys?”

“Good. He misses living with Rowan.” Dorian’s eyes were soft while he talked about his situationship, before he sent her a puzzled look. “How’s your lunch situation?”

”Rowan preps everything, don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?” Dorian put an arm around her and slid his other hand in the air in front of them, as in a movie character showing another a new, magical world. “Because there’s this new restaurant in front of the clinic, it’s to die for. I could bring us risottos and—“

Dorian was interrupted by the sound of the doorknob turning, and Aelin would easily get distracted by the sight of Rowan in a uniform if he didn’t look so pissed.

He eyed his daughter asleep and quietly closed the door, but the coldness in his eyes told her everything he was feeling.

Rowan held a plastic pharmacy bag towards Dorian. “The delivery guy gave me this.”

“Oh.” Feeling her face heat, Aelin got up, very aware of Rowan’s eyes on her shoulder, where Dorian’s arm was. “This is mine.”

“I should go,” her friend’s voice was low and tight as he took a step away from her.

“Yeah.” Aelin sent him a weak smile. “Rowan and I should talk. Talk to you later?”

“Um.” Dorian’s eyes landed on Maisie, his hand scratching the back of his head. “Do you want me to watch her while you talk?”

“I can take care of my own baby, thank you.” Rowan’s tone was taut, he was barely able to hide his annoyance.

“Yeah, of course.” Dorian took a step back, one hand on the doorknob. “See ya.”

The second that door was closed, Aelin took Rowan’s wrist and led him to the kitchen, away from their sleeping baby. Her body was heated with anger, the hateful tone he used with Dorian ringing inside her head.

“Why would you talk to him like that?” She shouted after closing the kitchen door. ”He’ll never want to come here if you act like this.”

Rowan shrugged. “I’m fine with that.”

“I’m not! Look…” Aelin rubbed both hands against her face and sat down, gesturing to Rowan to do the same. “Dorian offered extra help with Maisie in the afternoons. I said yes.”

His face fell. “He did what?”

Aelin took a second to calm the roaring in her blood and tone down her voice. “Look, I knew you weren’t gonna like it, but guess what, I don’t like needing help either. I asked for it before, you said no because you need someone you trust. Now I found—“

“A person I trust even less than a stranger, that’s what you found.”

“Because you never got to know him!” Aelin got up from her seat, her tone turning more into a plea. “I trust him, and you should trust me on that.”

“No.” He took a deep breath, got up too and looked straight into Aelin’s eye. “I don’t know him, or his intentions, and I can’t have him here in the long term.” Rowan’s voice was getting higher by the second. “It’s day one and I already got home to find his arm wrapped around my…”

”Your what?” Aelin challenged, closed fists on her hips as she kept her chin high. “You made it very clear I’m not your wife, not your girlfriend, not even your situationship. Why do you care?”

He didn’t reply, just stood with a pained look, his jaw twitching as she watched a million different emotions she couldn’t decipher from his eyes only.

“Rowan, look.” She got closer and held his hand with both of hers. “The only reason Dorian and I started dating was because our difficult schedules were very similar during residency. It was easy, it was fun, it was comfortable, but it was never that serious.” She caressed his cheek with her thumb, her eyes soft and earnest. “And even if we were dating when I got pregnant, I never, ever, wished he was Maisie’s father instead of you.”

“I’m sorry, Aelin, I can’t do this.” His body felt heavy when he hung his head against her shoulder. “I can’t watch him play house with you and my daughter while I’m at work.”

”Shh, it’s okay,” she soothed, running her fingers on his head now that he looked particularly wrecked. This was just one possible solution to a bigger problem which she couldn’t postpone the solution anymore. “But there’s one more thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

They both sat back down facing each other, and Aelin took a moment to herself, her heart racing. Her family and Dorian knew bits and pieces of her depression disorder because they either witnessed her episodes or saw the pills scattered around her bedroom. Aelin wasn’t ashamed of her condition, it just never felt necessary to give anyone a full disclosure of her mental illness. Until today.

“The pills I bought today. They’re antidepressants.”

Aelin’s insides were too twitchy, her breath too shallow as Rowan slid the chair backwards, its scraping sound strident against the floor.

“Did he tell you to take them?”

Her insides fell to the bottom of her stomach. “What?”

Rowan slammed his fist against the table, his expression as tight as his face was red. “Those pills were under Dorian’s name. Everything was fine, and after one visit, you have depression and need him back into your life to take care of you. Can’t you see what’s going on?”

“Rowan, I’m trying to tell you something,” Aelin begged, her voice breaking.

”And I’m trying to tell another.” He put both hands on the table and looked deep into her eyes. “You. Are. Not. Depressed.” Rowan took a step back. “You’re not,” he repeated with dazed eyes, as if he was saying that to himself. “We’re happy. You’re just a little overwhelmed, but we’re a small, happy family.”

Aelin opened and closed her mouth, struggling to find words. All she knew was that sinking feeling in her stomach and the sudden numbness she felt.

She was taking baby steps into the water to know if the water’s cold, and it’s fucking freezing. Time to take a step back, rethink.

“Okay…” she trailed, her eyebrows pinching together. “How would you feel if I actually needed the pills?”

“You don’t…” Rowan blinked, his eyes distant. “I mean, can you even breastfeed when you take these?”

“Oh!” Aelin barked a sardonic laugh, all that ache in her chest turning into something deeper, much more sour. “I’ve been telling you I’m miserable for weeks, and that’s your first concern? My ability to breastfeed Maisie?”

Rowan blinked, his mouth hanging open for a second. “Of course I’m concerned about that,” he fumbled, “why wouldn’t I be concerned?”

“Because I matter too!” Aelin roared, and all the strength in her body left with her words, ripping through her aching throat to taint the entire house with the rage and despair she’d buried for so long.

She fell back to that chair, both hands on her face as she broke in sobs. Aelin couldn’t even take a deep breath, since the air came to her lungs in short, shaky shudders and her shoulders barely held her weight.

Rowan kneeled next to her, hugging her frame. “You do.”

But Aelin couldn’t stop thinking about his denial of her problem. She knew all about the stigma surrounding postpartum depression. What would he think?

”You do.” He kissed the side of her head one, two times. “You matter so much to me.”

Would Rowan trust her with Maisie after knowing about her diagnosis? How would she convince him she’s a good mother when most days she didn’t believe it herself?

”I’m sorry.” Rowan kissed her shoulder and hugged her tight. “Of course you do.”

Would he use that against her and try to get Maisie’s guard? Would he take her to court if he knew her mental illness was chronic, not only while Maisie is a baby?

Aelin’s first step into her own recovery was to back down.

“That’s okay. I don’t think I’ll take the pills anyway,” she lied while leaning away to caress his cheeks. “The doctor gave me the prescription in case my… baby blues got too bad, but you’re right. I don’t think I need them.”

“Thank you.” Still kneeling beside her, Rowan closed his eyes, leaned his forehead against her shoulder and released a shaky breath. “It was just a bad day, right?”

“Sure.” Aelin’s throat felt sore and thick, almost as if her own body was trying to stop her, but she managed, “Can I ask you just one more thing?”

He got up, sat on the chair next to hers and squeezed her hand. “Anything.”

Aelin felt like her heart was being ripped to shreds, but she needed to do this.

Rowan wouldn’t understand her mental illness. Rowan wouldn’t let her get extra help. Rowan wouldn’t be anything more than a platonic co-parent to her. She was letting herself be in this state for what? Pining over a man who was going to play house with her until he found some unbroken woman to replace Aelin with?

“I need you to leave.”

“Sure.” He got up, looking around the kitchen. “I need to do some groceries, do you want me to take Maisie? We—“

“Rowan,” she interrupted, “we’ve been co-parenting Maisie together in this house, right?”

He nodded, looking confused.

“Well, I need us to do this with some distance now.” Aelin’s voice was breaking, a few rogue tears streaming down her face again.

”Oh.” He took a step back, his expression blank. “You want me leave, leave.”

Her eyes were pleading as she explained, “We both agreed this living arrangement was temporary, and—“

“You’re kicking me out?” His tone was high-pitched around an incredulous laugh.

Aelin tilted her head, lips wobbling. “I’m sorry.”

“Why? Will you—“ he trailed, looking around her kitchen as if he was looking for answers. “Will you feel better if I leave?”

Aelin swallowed the lump in her throat. “Yes.”

Rowan went stiff, staring with a lost look, blinking aimlessly at her until something shifted. He nodded, agreeing with her terms. In a matter of seconds, all the tenderness in Rowan’s eyes froze into cold fury, and Aelin had a feeling it’d never melt back to what it was again.

A/N: I felt like a part of me was being ripped off when I was finishing this chapter and it’s only the end of the flashbacks omfg I’m so not ready to finish this fic

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[rowanaelinn]

only now catching up and omg i forgot how it was one of my favourite stories of all time it’s SO GOOD

Look at Us Now - ch. 14

Fic masterlist

Am I posting this at 4 a.m. because I left my fic half-ready and wasted hours commenting “chop chop movie boy” on TikTok? Yes, yes I am. Tomorrow (today?) is a holiday in my state so I’m fine loll

Hope you like this!

Warnings: language, postpartum depression, panic attack

Words: 6,2k

Throughout her entire pregnancy, Aelin promised herself she’d never be the type of new mom who doesn’t shower every day.

How wrong she was.

They had an appointment at the doctor in an hour and Maisie was currently on the other side of the shower’s glass door, screaming bloody murder from her baby swing as Aelin rinsed off her body as fast as she could, feeling her breasts leak because of the crying baby while her ribcage got tighter each second.

She wrapped the towel around her body while kneeling to grab her crying baby. Except that Maisie didn’t stop crying.

“Are you hungry, Mais?” Aelin felt silly sometimes when talking to her newborn, but most days her six-weeks-old baby was the only person willing to listen to her.

She didn’t bother taking her towel off before sitting to nurse her loud baby. She could barely think when Maisie was screeching like she had adult-sized lungs, let alone pick an outfit.

When the baby latched and the room got silent, Aelin felt like she could finally breathe. “You like that, huh?” She watched Maisie’s wide green eyes on her, an overwhelming feeling of emptiness taking over her. “I think your dad forgot to prep my lunch this morning, but that’s alright, because there was frozen pizza in the freezer.” Aelin gasped in the end, always keeping her tone dramatic to grab Maisie’s attention. “You can’t eat pizza yet, Mais, but you’ll love it. I hope your milk comes in pizza flavor after my lunch. You won’t know what hit you.”

After nursing and burping the baby, Aelin was well aware she had less than thirty minutes to get to the doctor. Which was why she cursed under her breath while noticing the soap around her calves she forgot to rinse off.

Aelin straightened her shoulders. No biggie. It was just some soap.

She left Maisie on her bassinet and ran to the bathroom. Wincing, she held her ankle and placed it on the sink. Not the safest option, but definitely the fastest. She opened the faucet, spreading the running water on her leg, when Maisie’s tiny wail—for now—remembered her there was no such thing as ‘just a minute’ when you’re a newborn’s mom. She leaned away just a bit, her feet still on the sink while the other supported her body, neck stretching so she could take a peek through the open door—

Aelin lost her balance, falling on her ass in the middle of her suite’s bathroom.

She winced on the floor, her hip aching from the tumble. She flexed her hands, reddened from breaking the fall, and got up. Her walk was stiff, but still enough for her to hobble towards her crying baby.

“Hey, Mais,” Aelin soothed while getting the bags they needed for their trip to the doctor—how long did they have? She opened the bedroom door—

The smell of something burnt hit her senses.

No, no, no.

She dropped their bags on the floor and ran to the kitchen, turning off the oven before she could reach a cloth to open it.

Her flat rock still resembled a pizza, but it was far from edible.

The smell must’ve gotten worse after she emptied the oven, because one moment Aelin was staring slack-jawed at her burnt lunch, and the next her baby was retching over her shoulder, smearing Aelin’s back and hair with vomit.

Her breath caught as she processed what just happened, the back of her eyes prickling while she felt a heaviness—

It was okay. She slowly sank down to the floor, never letting her baby go. Her heart was beating out of her chest, and she didn’t know if the soothing sounds she was making were for Maisie or for herself.

She barely had time to shower twice a week, let alone twice a day.

Tears streamed down Aelin’s face, but she swallowed down the sob that was begging to break free. Instead, she clutched Maisie to her chest and breathed in.

It wasn’t the first time she got covered in baby vomit, nor would it be the last.

Breathe out.

She could do this.

Breathe in.

With shaky hands, she took her dirty shirt off.

Breathe out.

Aelin’s stomach churned, and she felt like she might throw up herself. But the kitchen cloth was still near her, so she swallowed her feelings down and used it to wipe the vomit off her hair.

Breathe in.

From the kitchen floor, it felt like the cabinet and counter were closing in on her.

Breathe out.

She would not have a meltdown in front of her baby.

Aelin took her phone, fingers trembling as she dialed the only number she could think of.

“Aelin! I wasn’t expecting to hear from you now. Is everything alright, dear?”

“Philippa.” Aelin’s voice was wobbly, but the older woman’s warm tone was enough to make a small part of her body loosen up. “Do you have any leftovers I can eat now?”

“There’s lasagna in the fridge, and…” A pause. “Honey, it’s mid-afternoon. When was the last time you ate?”

“Lasagna sounds perfect.” Aelin’s voice cracked in the end. “When can I pick it up?”

“Um.” The background noise was pretty indistinct, with the exception of a door closing. “Why don’t I hand it to you instead? I could also see what I can do with that empty fridge of yours.”

“Thanks,” Aelin said before ending the call. Still seated on the floor, she leaned against the cabinet, her head drooping against it.

Aelin didn’t remember a lot about her parents, but she remembered how they always looked like this strong, unbreakable unit, ready to catch her fall. She could deal with the exhaustion and constantly feeling like she’s on the verge of breaking down. The thing that was hard to grasp was how powerless she felt. Worthless.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” Aelin’s chin quivered while she stroked Maisie’s cheek with her thumb. “You deserve so much better than this.”

Me was the word Aelin couldn’t say, but never left her mind. Maisie deserved so much better than a mom who never got things right and was sad all the time.

She was feeling so much and at the same time nothing at all, as if she was a hollowed out tree about to break down. Too much to carry, not enough strength. Aelin clutched her daughter against her chest and let that sob break free, its force enough to shake her from the inside out, from her straining heart to her quaking shoulders.

Taking a moment to breathe, Aelin was finally calming herself down. She could weep and feel the pain, but she would not collapse. Not with Maisie. Aelin was doing this for her, with her.

And that’s how Philippa found her, perched on the floor and holding her baby like she was her lifeline.

“Come on, honey, get up,” the soft, familiar voice came from near her, its source kneeling beside her and gently reaching for her shoulder.

“Shh.” Philippa kissed the crown of Aelin’s head, then winced at the smell of vomit. “We need lasagna, a new shirt, baby wipes for the hair. What else?”

“I have a hair tie in my bag, I think that’s all.” Aelin slowly got up, her hip still sore from when she fell in the bathroom. “I have an appointment at four, Rowan will be here any time now.”

”Honey, it’s ten past four.”

“No, it’s not.”

Aelin froze. Her heart had barely rested, it was already going a mile a minute again. She ran past Philippa, put on the first shirt and shoes she saw—Rowan’s White Hawks jersey and those damned Crocs—and grabbed her car keys. Knowing how the Air Force hospital worked, if she missed this appointment, her next one would be only when Maisie was eighteen.

“Wait!” Philippa shouted, running her way. “I’ll drive.”

Aelin’s shoulders dropped when she saw the baby wipes and lunchbox on the woman’s hand and realized her intentions. “You’re an angel.”

Before fastening Maisie to her car seat, Aelin looked straight into the little girl’s eye and said, “Don’t poop.”

She rushed to the passenger seat and was cleaning her hair as much as she could with the baby wipes before Philippa could even get out of the garage.

”Where’s Rowan?” the older woman asked.

“He was supposed to go to the appointment with me, I think he got stuck at work.”

It was unusual of him to miss something like this. Aelin didn’t know what to think, and she didn’t have much space in her mind for that right now.

With a tight jaw, Philippa hummed, and her tone revealed everything she was thinking. Aelin couldn’t blame the woman, but she didn’t agree either. This was just one mistake, Rowan was incredible with Maisie. And about him with Aelin… she wasn’t sure where she fit into his life, and sometimes she didn’t want to know.

They hadn’t been the same, and that was predictable. There was no reason to be sad. Rowan was all loving and attentive towards her because his baby was inside her. Now that she wasn’t carrying Maisie anymore, they were the platonic co-parents they agreed to be. Aelin’s throat was as thick as her chest was heavy every time she thought about this. She couldn’t blame him. If roles were reversed, she wouldn’t get anywhere near herself either.

Satisfied with her work on her hair, she tied it into a bun and opened the lunchbox. Aelin swallowed down all the lasagna she could before Philippa parked at the hospital, which was five minutes away from her home.

“I’ll go back to your place and see what I can do in that kitchen, okay? Call me if you need me to pick you up.”

She wrapped her arms around Philippa, hugging her with all the strength she could muster right now. “Thank you.”

On her way to the office, she managed to avoid co-workers seeing her in that disheveled state and texted Rowan.

Aelin: hey

Aelin: i’m at the hospital already

Aelin: what happened?

No response.

”Dr. Galathynius!” The sergeant responsible for Sorscha’s schedule sighed in relief. “I was about to send another patient in.”

She hurried inside the office, only relaxing when her doctor started the examination. Aelin still wasn’t used to seeing her co-workers checking her vagina and everything postpartum-related, but the Air Force’s healthcare was good enough to make her put up with it.

Her pelvic floor seemed okay, though. So did her posture—something Aelin took particular pride in, being an orthopedist. Her abdominal muscles weren’t as good, but that was easy to deal with.

“You lost more weight than I expected.” Sorscha frowned. “How’s your appetite since giving birth?”

“I don’t have much of an appetite anymore, but I still feel hungry when I should.”

The doctor’s attention was fully on Aelin now. “And how have you been feeling emotionally?”

“Good. Just a little tired,” she lied. Medical confidentiality vow or not, Aelin knew how stigma worked. She knew better than to tell a coworker that one of the hospital’s top surgeons was mentally ill.

Besides, Aelin was a doctor herself, she knew how this went. Major Depressive Disorder. In remission and off antidepressants for two years. Relapsed with postpartum depression after childbirth. The words were buzzing around her head like an annoying fly, but they wouldn’t leave, no matter how much she swatted them away.

Maybe it was time to un-ghost her psychiatrist.

~~

When she left the office, Aelin had her purse and a giant diaper bag under her arms, plus Maisie strapped to a baby sling on her chest, but she still walked past a dejected-looking Rowan on her way out. He got up in a heartbeat and hurried to match her steps.

“I’m sorry.”

He held out a hand, but she didn’t give him the diaper bag.

“I know you are,” Aelin said in a carefully neutral tone.

“Can you at least give me the bags?”

She ignored Rowan’s request and stormed off in front of him.

His car was right by the exit, and as stubborn as she was, Aelin wasn’t going to disturb Philippa further and ask the woman to pick her up as she suggested.

Aelin wasn’t in the right mind to decide if her reaction was proportional or not to what Rowan did, but given the emotional distress she was already in, it probably wasn’t.

Rowan’s thoughts on how rational Aelin was being was the least of her concerns today.

“One of the majors called me for a last-minute meeting. I tried to be quick.”

But I couldn’t leave because they outrank me were the words he didn’t say.

“I can still be mad about it, your fault or not.”

“I’m so—“

“Stop it, Rowan.”

He darted a glance at her, and something about her face made him stay silent for the rest of the drive.

At home, Rowan dropped her bags by the door—she had calmed down enough to let him carry them this time—and her shoulders relaxed considerably when sat on the couch and took Maisie off the sling.

“Oh, that doesn’t smell good.” Aelin cooed, smiling at the baby and tickling her little belly.

“I’ve got her.” Rowan held Maisie up with a small smile, not even sparing Aelin a glance. “You can take a shower in the meantime.”

She grimaced, her face hotter by the second. Way to go, Aelin. Was she still smelling like vomit?

“Not like that!” He blurted. “I know you’re struggling to take showers—“

“Good to know it’s that obvious,” Aelin scoffed, getting up from the couch.

”I’m sorry—“

“I know you are, stop telling me that!” Her voice came out higher than intended while she left for the kitchen.

Rowan finally got home and was assured that Aelin managed to not kill his baby. It’s not like he needed her for the rest of the day.

The kitchen was a lot cleaner than before, and there was a note attached to the fridge.

I made you chicken, chickpea salad and chocolate cake, but I’d suggest you to save it for tomorrow’s lunch. Make sure your baby daddy doesn’t forget to make dinner as well.

Love,

Philippa.

P.S: Please call me if you need anything. Your uncle’s gay ass can take of himself.

Aelin leaned against the counter, her body filling with warmth. God, she loved Philippa. And as much as she appreciated the woman’s kindness, her job was to help Orlon and Darrow at home, not Aelin.

Still, it was really nice to have some time to breathe during the day, not only in the few hours when Rowan got back from work.

“What’s that?” He stopped in front of the fridge, frowning as he read Philippa’s note. “I didn’t forget to make your lunch.”

Rowan scratched his jaw and opened the fridge. Aelin drew out a long, tired breath. She wouldn’t even bother enlightening him, he’d soon realize what happened and—

”Aelin, I’m so sorry.”

She rested her head in both hands and dragged them through her hair. There wasn’t a bone in her body that didn’t feel heavy, and her eyelids were the heaviest sometimes. She was so fucking tired.

Aelin crossed her arms. “You fucked up. I fucked up twice as much today. Can you please stop apologizing?”

He took her fingers with the tips of his, fiddling with them. “I was taking care of some things for Maisie so you could sleep more and forgot to make food.”

Aelin nodded, something inside her loosening an inch. When he put it that way, it didn’t sound half as bad.

“Well…” Aelin trailed, knowing she needed to thread carefully with this. “since we’re both so tired, maybe we could get an extra set of hands.”

“Like a nanny?”

She shrugged. “Could be, yes.”

Rowan frowned, crossing his arms. “I don’t know how I feel about this.”

“I can pay for it by myself,” Aelin explained in a calm, firm tone. “I just need to see if you’re okay with it.”

“Aelin, I—“ His mouth opened and closed. “I’m not. It’s a stranger. Do we know anything about them? Do we know how they’d handle Maisie?”

Her eyebrows went up. “You wanna know what happens every second of Maisie’s life?”

“No, but how am I supposed to trust her with someone else before she can tell me if something bad happened?”

“Rowan, I’m going back to work!” Aelin yelled, then stopped when she registered his shellshocked face, in need to rephrase it. “My maternity leave is only so long. We’ll need to trust people sooner or later. And I’ll still be with Maisie the whole day for now. It’s just additional help.”

“Okay, this sounds better.” Rowan looked down, his lips and brows drawn together. Then he shook his head and said, “I still don’t get what’s going on. Every day I come home and you tell me everything went fine, but today we need a sitter all of a sudden.”

“I’m alone in this house with a newborn baby, that’s what’s going on!” Aelin yelled, her chest tighter each word. “You wouldn’t know that because I’m your extra pair of hands when you’re with her, but what about me?”

“You want to trade places? I’d do it id I could.” Rowan let out a scornful laugh, his expression sour with that tight jaw. “You think I wouldn’t love to be paid to take care of Maisie every day? You think I’d rather bark orders at the new recruits instead of staying in with you two? You’re living the dream, Aelin, and you have no idea how lucky you are.”

Very lucky indeed.

She took a step back, feeling dizzy all of a sudden as his words sank in. Caring for a baby is hard, Aelin always knew that. She wasn’t really sure about getting extra help, hence why she started a conversation instead of voicing a demand, but did he mean that? Was she ungrateful for asking for help?

“I didn’t mean to snap at you.” He rubbed his hand against his face. “I’m sorry.”

She closed her eyes, her hands balled into fists. “For the last time, Rowan, stop saying that.”

“But I’m—“

“No, you’re right.” Aelin gave him a taut, sardonic smile. “I’m living the dream.”

˜˜

On her first day at the Whitethorn’s beach house, Aelin woke up with a brutal kick from her sweet baby. The little girl was taking way more space on the bed than she should, leaving Rowan’s hulky figure squeezed in the corner, and Aelin wondered how could Maisie toss and turn so much and sleep like the dead at the same time.

Aelin sat on the bed and opened the bedside table’s drawer, taking out the pill organizer she left there the night before. Of all the ways she came up with to take her morning meds unnoticed, none of them involved sharing a bedroom.

Peeking back at the bed, Maisie and Rowan were still sound asleep, and Aelin wouldn’t dare waking up the family’s monarch and her tired Groom of the Stool. She turned back and twisted off her bottle’s cap—

“What’s that?”

Aelin jerked and clutched her water bottle to her chest on reflex, highly aware of her wild heartbeat. Rowan’s husky morning voice would normally make her melt, but these two words held a cold grip around her core, making her breath and body freeze.

From the other end of the bed, Rowan’s half-lidded eyes never left her pill organizer. “What’s that?”

“Headache,” she blurted, then cleared her throat. “they’re headache tablets.”

“Oh. Go on.” Rowan blinked, not fully awake yet, and relaxed back on the bed. “You better be feeling good if you want to keep up with the little terrors.”

Aelin plastered a smile, her chest heavy with the lie, and quickly took her antidepressant.

She’d tell him. But not after being “caught” or with Maisie asleep between them.

Rowan got up, accidentally waking up Maisie, who was clutching him like a koala.

“No,” the little girl protested, draping an arm across her dad’s torso as an attempt to keep him in bed.

“Come on, Mais.” He kissed his daughter’s forehead and gently disentangled her from him. “Time to wake up. Enjoy the day.”

Maisie frowned. “What about my time in bed?”

Aelin laid back in back and spooned the little girl. “Honey, you just spent hours in bed.”

“Yeah, but I don’t remember that!”

Rowan chuckled and relented, laying again so they could all share one big family cuddle, but not without saying, “We’ll have to go downstairs to eat at some point.”

Maisie shushed her dad. “Our bellies will know when it’s time.”

˜˜

When Rowan’s mom proposed a relaxing trip, what Aelin pictured was very close to the real thing. They decided to stay in today because the beach would be too crowded, but she was currently lying on a pool chair, getting a tan next to Sellene while nibbling some grilled snacks and watching the kids play. Perfect vacation activity. However, she was unsure of how relaxing Rowan was finding this.

The thing is, Rowan only had two modes as a dad: granting Maisie’s every wish, or completely inflexible, safety-freak dadzilla.

He rightfully insisted that Maisie’s swimwear should be only on bright, neon colors so they wouldn’t lose sight of her in the pool. However, Aelin could barely see the cute one piece she picked for their daughter under the rash guard, arm floaties and life jacket Rowan made her wear.

Aelin shouldn’t find his heightened concern endearing, but it was kinda cute to see Maisie under so many layers. It was like Aelin birthed a Michelin Man.

For now, she was letting him be. God, Doranelle was so hot today it made her shiver. Even Rowan was visibly struggling with it, with his tanned collarbones and pecs glistening with sweat.

He was holding his phone on the edge of the pool—not reading or scrolling, because he was watching the kids play, scanning their every move like a hawk. With the sun hitting him sideways, partially illuminating his face and the ridges of his abs, he looked like a piece of art. She licked her lips. Hot dilf trying to keep untamable kids alive, the museum label would say. But Aelin’s vision of him was so breakable she was afraid this scorching weather would melt it. Or maybe she was the one melting.

”You’re such a great friend.”

Aelin startled, her breath catching, but she quickly recomposed herself and gave Sellene a close-lipped smile. For a moment, she forgot the woman was getting a tan in the pool chair next to hers.

“Thanks, Sel. You too.”

Her eyes quickly found Rowan’s abs again—

Sellene cleared her throat.

Aelin squinted at her friend. “You’re being weird today.”

Rowan’s cousin snorted. “The usual girl code says you can’t try anything with your friend’s family member.” Sellene waved her hand at Rowan’s general direction. “But you clearly have the hots for my cousin, so I’m letting you off the hook.”

Aelin threw her head back and cackled. “Thank you, Sellene, for making such sacrifices. But I don’t need the reminder of how attracted to your cousin I am.” She put her sunglasses on. “I don’t know what gave me away. Was it when he knocked me up?”

“I was actually talking about your gross ogling, but your baby is good evidence too.”

Aelin gaped, and it took her a good few seconds to regain her jaw movements. “It wasn’t that obvious.”

Rowan’s cousin chuckled and went to the other side of the pool area, where he was with the kids. Aelin followed suit.

“I’m done tanning, let me stay with them.” Sellene placed both hands on her hips. “It’s time for these kids to have some fun.”

Rowan frowned. “I’m fun.”

“You’re watching them like they’re prisoners.”

”Pools are dangerous. Keeping everything under control is more effective if I stay outside and don’t engage.”

Aelin snorted. That sounded a lot like what happens in a prison yard.

“Let’s play Marco Polo!” Sellene shouted, dragging the last word while cannonballing into the pool.

“Seriously?” Rowan yelled when his cousin emerged. “Is that how you’re keeping an eye on them? With your eyes closed?”

“Daddy, you’re boring!”

Aelin squeezed Rowan’s shoulder. “I can watch them with Sel.”

“No!” Sellene blurted, then held a finger up and turned around. “ENDA!” She called her cousin, who was sitting near the grill with his husband, Ellys and Rowan’s parents. “Get your… butt over here.”

The younger married couple moved closer to the pool and agreed to keep an eye at the kids, and the other ones said they’d sit closer when the snacks were fully grilled.

“The little terrors are outnumbered.” Sellene gave her cousin a pointed look. “Happy now?”

He squinted his eyes at her. “Call me if you need anything.”

Before he could rethink his decision, Aelin took him by the arm. But before they could get to where she wanted, she grabbed his shirt from a chair’s backrest and silently extended her arm.

“What?”

Aelin wiggled the shirt his way. “Pool time’s over. You can get dressed now.”

If Rowan had any thoughts about her demanding he puts a shirt on while not wearing one, just her swimsuit, he didn’t say. He snorted and shook his head, but complied.

In an area close enough to the pool, on the side of the house, there was a small garden with patio furniture and a pool table. However, Rowan lied on a white hammock that was tied in the pergola, under its climbing vines.

Aelin held a bit of the hammock and bumped him with her knee once he got settled. Rowan’s eyes widened, but he quickly concealed his surprised and moved sideways so she could join him.

She spooned him on the hammock, her every inch glued to his. “Hi.”

He brushed a wild strand of hair off her face and whispered, “Hi.”

Aelin tightened her grip on him and hid her face on his shoulder and collarbone, closing her eyes. Taking in the sound of the wind against the vines, especially how it soothed her heated skin. She loved how Rowan smelled like his pine soap and Maisie’s sunscreen and something intrinsically his, and how engulfed by it she felt now, tangled in his arms. Listening to his heartbeat, Aelin could only hope she had even a small influence on the pace of its beat.

She opened her eyes again with Rowan’s caresses on her hair. His eyes were soft, glowing, and he was wearing a small, silly smile that got less rare each day, but never enough to make her stop savoring it.

“I like your nose,” Aelin muttered while bumping it with her index finger.

“Thanks.” Rowan crossed his eyes, as if that would help him look at it. “It breathes alright.”

“What kind of response is that?” Aelin chuckled, because of course the only way Rowan would think about his nose was for its practical function.

“Sorry,” he shook his head, as if chastising himself for something. “You look cute with burnt cheeks.”

Aelin laughed, hiding her face on the curve of his shoulder. “I wasn’t fishing for a compliment, I was joking about your reply.”

“Oh, okay.” The tension on his body loosened. “I still stand by what I said.” A pause. “There’s this drawing on my wall where Maisie put you with two giant, bright red dots as the cheeks.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I didn’t think you could actually look like that back then.”

Aelin gaped, feeling her face grow hot and likely worsening her situation. “Rude!”

“Not at all.” Rowan’s fond grin lit up his face. “You look lovely with a first-degree burn.” A pause charged enough to make him frown. “When was the last time you reapplied your sunscreen?”

Busted. She bit her bottom lip and gave him a coy look, making Rowan’s expression become fondly exasperated.

“I’ll be right back.”

Rowan was back in a matter of seconds, lying by her side with a tube of sunscreen on his hand.

“In my defense, I did apply it. At some point. I just forgot to do it again.”

He shook his head, but that poorly hidden close-lipped smile betrayed his display of disapproval. When Rowan lifted his hand, she grasped his wrist to look at the bottle of sunscreen he was holding.

Which was for kids, but not the super expensive one Aelin bought because of her dermatologist’s recommendation.

“Rowan…” she cautioned. He knew damn well what she was thinking.

He had the gall to duck his head. “Maisie didn’t like the sunscreen’s smell, so I got this one that smells like grapes.”

“You’re spoiling her rotten,” Aelin said in a playful tone.

Rowan grimaced. “I’m painfully aware of that.”

She relaxed back in the hammock, put a small amount of sunscreen on her finger and smelled it with her eyes closed. While she was feeling the synthetic aroma of grapes, Rowan swiftly grabbed her finger and smeared that drop of sunscreen on her nose.

Aelin squealed, surprise by the gentle attack, but closed her eyes and let him spread that amount. Rowan applied sunscreen on her face, his touch feather-light against her forehead, nose, cheeks. She just hoped he didn’t notice how her breath hitched when his thumb reached her chin—especially the patch of skin under her parted lips.

With her eyes closed, Aelin smiled. “This smells great. I kinda get the appeal now.”

Rowan hummed and leaned closer, his nose brushing against her cheek as he breathed her in. “Agreed.”

That motion alone sent Aelin’s nerves into a frenzy, making everywhere he touched tingle and sending that feeling down her spine. Her fingers were shaky, aching to meet him, so they found his upper arm like a magnet.

The second she touched him, Rowan tilted his head and kissed her jaw. All her thoughts vanished, and now Aelin knew nothing more than his weight against her pounding heartbeat, and her hand sliding to his neck.

Rowan trailed a couple of kisses down her apple cheeks, every movement a calculated conversation, each seeing how far they can go. Aelin’s blood was boiling under her skin, her stomach a fluttering mess with anticipation. It only got worse when he kissed the corner of her lips and froze over her.

Do it, her impatient fingertips informed the roots of his hair.

He tilted his face, his breath mingling with hers as he slowly lowered his lips to hers—

“UNCLE RO! AUNTIE—“

Aelin jerked upright, making both of them tumble over the hammock.

Aidan, Enda’s son, squinted his eyes at Aelin and Rowan, fallen on the grass. “You okay?”

Rowan frowned back at the boy. “Why are you here?”

“I don’t know, Grandpa told me to get you two.” The boy mentioned for them to follow him. “Come on.”

Aelin got up, her heartbeat still going a mile a minute with that scare, shook some grass off her leg and held Rowan’s wrist. As they walked back to the pool area, he slipped his hand so it could hold hers, intertwining their fingers.

They hurried their footsteps when Maisie was on their sight, the little girl being watched by lots of adults with pine-green eyes and silver hair.

”What’s going on?” Rowan asked as soon as he was within earshot.

Maisie had an angry pout on. “I asked Grandpa why his black shirt says pink, and now everyone’s being weird.”

Seriously? They got interrupted because of that? Aelin turned to Rowan, but he was frozen in place, blinking at Maisie. Probably as shocked and outraged as she was. So she explained, “It’s a band t-shirt, Mais. It’s not about the color, Pink Floyd is a group formed by those guys here…” she pointed at Owen’s shirt and—

Holy rutting Mala. A sudden cold rushed through Aelin’s body, her mouth falling open.

“Maisie,” Aelin’s hands gripped her daughter’s shoulders, maintaining firm eye contact. “honey, did you just read your grandpa’s shirt?”

“Not like that!” The little girl crossed her arms and explained in a matter-of-fact tone, “I thought Grandpa’s shirt was funny, so I put the letters together to know what it means.”

”Oh! Okay, then.” A warm, weepy laugh left Aelin’s mouth as she squeezed her daughter into a hug and smacked a kiss on her little cheek. “Well, I love it when you do that.”

Aelin’s mind couldn’t help but go back to that fateful day when Maisie’s teacher called them on a meeting to tell them Maisie couldn’t learn how to read because her parents fought too much. Well, a huge fuck you to that… teacher who was just doing her job. Aelin made a mental note to tell that progress to her therapist and focused back on Maisie, the smartest little girl on the planet.

She was so proud of her daughter she could cry, and Rowan looked like he felt the same, watching them with sparkly eyes and a small smile.

By the looks of it, they were doing a good job.

˜˜˜

“Come on!” Aelin shouted, slamming her cards against the table when she lost once again.

Ellys smirked at the deck he had just began to shuffle. “I expected better from you, Aelin.”

She squinted her eyes at the old man. He was just a quieter version of Sellene, because their unfunny remarks were just the same. Tired of having her ego being so blatantly bruised, she got up from that humiliation.

“Being a sore loser, huh,” Sellene said in a teasing tone.

Aelin raised her eyebrows and teased, “I have a daughter to look after.”

The snarky joke made her friend gape. “Rude!”

She squeezed Sellene’s shoulder and left. Truth was, Maisie was very safe and happy being watched by her grandparents, especially if she considered how far away they lived from each other. The person she was looking for now was Rowan.

Rowan, who she almost kissed earlier today. Aelin felt a rush through her body just to think of what almost happened, and that thrill only intensified when she considered what still could happen. Tonight, if she played her cards right.

“Mommy, where are you going so fast?”

Aelin stopped dead on her tracks. On her way to the second floor, she hadn’t even noticed Maisie, Bree and Rory in the living room.

Her mouth opened and closed before she regained her jaw movements, “I was looking for you, Mais!” Aelin walked their way and played with Maisie’s pigtails. “I thought you were with your dad,” she lied.

Maisie somberly shook her head. “Daddy’s sick.”

“He had a headache and went upstairs,” Rory said around a smile. Aelin nodded and took a step back, but the older woman added, “You don’t need to worry about Maisie, I’d watch her the whole week if you two would ever let me.”

Whenever Aelin thought she was used to Rory’s lack of subtlety, the woman struck again, making her cheeks heat one more.

Aelin plastered a polite thanks-for-offering-to-watch-the-kid-while-we-fuck-I’m-kinda-hoping-that-will-actually-happen smile. “That won’t be necessary, Rory. Thanks.”

She ascended the stairs one by one since Rowan’s mom could still see her, and only hurried her footsteps on their room’s hallway. When she opened the door, Rowan was sat on the end of the bed.

He blinked, raising his eyebrows as if he needed them that high to keep his eyes opened. Then he got up to greet her, but swayed on his way up.

“Whoa.” Aelin ran his way and made him sit back down. “What’s going on?”

Rowan rubbed his face, his posture slumped. “I have weirdness and a headache.”

Aelin tilted her head, thankful med school taught her how to translate incomprehensible things patients said. He looked groggy, and was probably dizzy, from the way he got up a minute ago. She’d fish for more information, but that was a good starting point.

”Okay,” she trailed, “did you take anything for the headache?”

“I took your migraine pill, but it didn’t do anything.”

Aelin froze, a sinking feeling in her stomach as her limbs went numb.

”You took my what?” Her voice was shaky, the last word high-pitched.

“Here.” Rowan opened the bedside table’s drawer and took her pill case while fighting his heavy eyelids. “Some of them were in a compartment with the sun drawing, but I took one from under the moon drawing because it’s evening.”

Aelin took the case from his hands, and it was really easy to spot the missing pill there.

“Did I take the wrong one?”

“Yes, but you‘ll be fine.” Aelin adjusted the pillows and mentioned for him to lie down. ”You just need to sleep it off now, okay? Don’t fight it.”

Rowan’s eyes closed when she combed his hair with her fingers, but he forced them open again. “I don’t get it.”

Aelin stroked the side of his face with her thumb, watching him fight his synthetic exhaustion with immeasurable tightness in her chest and throat.

“Rowan, you took my sleeping pill.”

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[rowanaelinn]

i was supposed to write for rowaelin month but i swear covid got my ass just like that demon had fleetfoot in CoM

[rowanaelinn]

tag me!!!!

Stick Season

A Rowaelin second chance romance inspired by "Stick Season" by Noah Kahan (giggles in Frederick)

please let me know if you'd like to be tagged! :))

❄️🌲🌨️❄️🌲🌨️❄️🌲🌨️❄️🌲🌨️❄️🌲🌨️❄️

Prologue

One (scheduled for Rowaelin Month, Day 1: Songfic)

Two (scheduled for Rowaelin Month, Day 7: Vacation/Outdoors)

Three (potentially for Rowaelin Month, Day 27: Touch Starved)

Four

Five

???

[rowanaelinn]

[rowanaelinn]

OH DEAR GODDDDDDDD🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

URDAD - part 3

Glucose: sticking to you

Fic masterlist

If you were wondering why I wasn’t posting snippets, it’s because this has no plot lol

Warnings: NSFW

Words: 3,2k

Aelin was acting so naturally Rowan could think this was an everyday thing for her.

It kind of was, to be honest. Aelin was just your regular hot girl in her tiniest bikini, reading her Kindle while lying sideways by the pool, in a lounge chair. Everything was perfectly fine, if Aelin ignored the fact that she couldn’t breathe, since she was trying to hide the lower belly pouch her swimwear was outing.

Yesterday’s promises of seeing each other at dinner didn’t happen, since Rowan stayed until late at the hospital for a surgery, assisting the oncologist with some tissue analysis. But now it was Saturday, he was making barbecue, and she had an entire day to work on her seduction plans.

“Do dogs eat raw meat?” Rowan asked from the grill.

Aelin had a joke about her not being the vet, but let it die on the back of her mind. Imogen was the only vet they knew, the traitorous bitch she used to call a best friend. She didn’t deserve to be mentioned on barbecue day.

“Fleetfoot doesn’t,” Aelin replied instead.

“Huh.” Rowan frowned at the dog. “I think she wants some.”

Indeed, Fleetfoot was sitting by Rowan’s foot, her tongue out while she flailed her golden tail. The smooth fucker.

“She’s not asking yet, she’s just being cute to prepare you for when she actually asks for it. Like when a kid does the dishes before asking the parents to go out.”

Rowan opened his mouth, then closed it and shook his head, focusing back on the grill. She wanted to ask what he was thinking about, but stayed silent with the possibility of it being something about his own kid.

Aelin was bitter, but it was understandable if Rowan didn’t want to get involved in that fight. Even if his daughter is a two-faced liar who slept with Aelin’s loser boyfriend.

Rowan pointed at her with his chin. “What’re you reading?”

Aelin’s cheeks heated, so she hid her face behind the Kindle. “A book.”

“What book, Aelin?” he asked in a playful tone while sauntering her way.

“Um.” She cleared her throat. “The Knight’s Sword.”

He stopped by her side and raised his eyebrows, looking surprised by her answer. “That sounds nice. Is it action?”

“It does have a lot of action, yes.”

“Are you liking it?” Rowan picked his phone up. “I can’t remember the last time I read something that wasn’t about work.”

“No!” Aelin blurted, her heartbeat racing.

“What?”

“The sword is a metaphor! Not in the whole book, but—“

“A metaphor indeed.” Rowan’s eyebrows went higher than she’d like. “This armor from the cover doesn’t look safe, by the way. The knight’s abs aren’t even covered.”

“Dr. Whitethorn.” She held her chin up, despite the embarrassment. “Do you have something against my half-naked knight or the use of his metaphorical sword?”

“Not at all.” He held both hands up, then sat on the lounge chair next to hers. “So…” he trailed. “Knights, huh? That’s your thing?”

“It’s fun to read, but not my thing.” She leaned back on the chair and bit back a smirk. “I like doctors better.”

“Yeah?” Rowan straightened his posture, his carefully casual expression barely hiding his attentive, eager eyes. “Tell me about it.”

“Why are you so interested in my reading habits, Dr. Whitethorn?”

Rowan’s mouth was ajar as his eyes scanned her exposed body, and—

“ROWIE!” a familiar voice shouted from the side of the house. “ Did you get a dog?”

Aelin froze. As far as she knew, there was just one person in the world who called the ever-so-serious Dr. Whitethorn ‘Rowie’. He muttered something to the sky, then turned to Dr. Moonbeam’s approaching figure, holding a very heavy Fleetfoot like she were a baby.

”This yours?” He wiggled the overjoyed dog in his arms.

Aelin waved. “Mine, actually.”

Fenrys’ face snapped towards her, his mouth opened in surprise for a second before it turned into a smirk. “Look who’s here!” He tilted his head at Rowan. “I didn’t know you were throwing a party.”

The owner of the house pinched the bridge of his nose. “Neither did I.”

After putting Fleetfoot back on the floor, Fenrys handed Rowan two supermarket plastic bags. “I brought salad!”

Aelin burst a laugh into her hand, but Rowan just stood there, looking at his friend as if he couldn’t believe this was real. “Do you call a bunch of packed, unwashed ingredients, a salad?”

“Chop chop, cook boy!” Aelin called, her eyes glued back on her smutty book.

He shrugged. “I can do that.”

“No!” Rowan blurted with a finger up, “You’re not getting anywhere near my kitchen knives.”

Fenrys’ jaw went slack. “I’m literally a surgeon!”

“Good for you,” the unwilling host called on his way back inside the house. “My kitchen isn’t your OR.”

When Rowan was out of view, she relaxed back in the lounge chair, letting her little pouch out. She’d never underestimate again how good it feels to breathe.

Aelin noticed Fenrys’ curious gaze on her, so she squinted her eyes at him and said, “Do you always visit people without letting them know you’re coming?”

What she really wanted to ask him: Do you always crash into other people’s seduction plans? Do you delight in possibly cockblocking your best friend?

“I don’t need to announce myself to the owner of the house,” Fenrys said around an air quote. “Rowan should be glad he has some company that isn’t biopsy samples or Mora, the Microscope.” He narrowed his eyes on her. “And you, apparently. What are you doing here?”

“I’m trying to seduce the owner of the house, “ she hissed through her teeth, arms crossed. “and you’re ruining it.”

“Gods, Aelin.” Fenrys tilted his head in mock confusion, not hiding his smirk. “I didn’t know the rent prices were that bad.”

Aelin shrugged and casually mentioned, ”I became homeless after the person I lived with cheated on me with the person I was going to live with.” She sighed, feigning nonchalance. ”So I announced my body in the Doctors’ notice board and moved in with the one with the biggest pool.”

“What? When was the announcement?” Fenrys glanced at the backyard and threw his hands up. “I demand a review of this decision, my pool is bigger than his!”

“Request denied.” Aelin picked on her nails, trying really hard to not laugh. “Fleetfoot’s already settled, and she doesn’t like the moving fuss.”

Fenrys slowly shook his head. “So you chose the doctor you have to work so hard to seduce it made you gave up on breathing, and not the one who’s been hitting on you for months?” his tone was playful despite his words, Fenrys’ trademark smirk on.

Aelin gasped, and she was ready to defend herself, but was interrupted by a sizzling sound coming from the grill.

Rowan was retrieving the meat and placing it on a tray, his movements sharps as he frowned at the barbecue as if it’d offended him. How in hell did they not see him coming back from the house?

If Fenrys was worried about how much Rowan heard of their conversation, he didn’t show. Instead, he was telling all the juicy gossip about the hospital’s love quadrangle, and how all four of them ended up in HR.

Aelin just stayed there, nodding and asking questions about it, ignoring the fact that Rowan had shut down after listening to that conversation. He only talked with them through noncommittal grunts while answering someone, but the barbecue was delicious, its charred scent filling her senses, and the sun was burning through her UV-protected skin. This was all she needed, not some weird grumpiness of a man who she’d already been clear with about how she felt.

Fleetfoot didn’t mind it, though, as long as Rowan—everyone, actually—kept giving her meat. The dog ate like there was no tomorrow, then napped by Aelin’s foot for a few minutes and jumped in the water.

“Fleetfoot!” she called, hurrying to the edge of the pool. “Come back here right now!”

That stubborn dog purposefully swam away from her.

”It’s fine,” said Rowan, despite his grumpiness today.

Aelin gave him a pointed look. “Your pool is going to be filled with dog hair.”

He waved her off. “The pool guy will come to clean it either way. At least someone’s swimming in the meantime.”

Fenrys grabbed Fleetfoot’s tennis ball and tossed it into the pool. “Go get it, girl!”

When her dog swam to retrieve the ball, as happy as she could be, Aelin’s shoulders dropped in resignation. “Fine,“ she relented, “but I’ll get a towel so she doesn’t wet the rest of the house.”

Aelin had been here for just two days, so she didn’t know where the towels were, but she did know Rowan kept some neatly folded ones in the guest bathroom. She stopped in the hallway, uncertain. Would he be okay with her using expensive-looking towels with the dog? He didn’t exactly give her rules about Fleetfoot—

Before she knew it, Aelin was being pulled by the arm and pressed up against the wall.

Fucking finally, she thought as she took Rowan in, caging her body with both forearms against the wall and hovering over her.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he said in a low, authoritative tone.

Forcing out a carefully innocent tone, Aelin asked, “What do you mean?”

Rowan just scanned her half-naked body and cocked his head at her, and right then, something about his forest-green eyes looked dangerously close to combustion.

Aelin bit her lip, toying with the ends of her hair. “Never seen a bikini, Doctor?”

“You and Fenrys seemed awfully close today,” he grunted, changing the subject. “And however long he’s been hitting on you, I’ve wanted you longer.”

“Yeah?” Those words and their gush of air against her skin sent a long shiver through her spine, spreading to her tingling limbs. “Does that mean you’ll fuck me tonight, Doctor?”

He touched their foreheads, his breath ragged. “Are you sure? You know I’m—“

“Shh.” Aelin caressed his cheek with her thumb, their breaths mingling. “We can deal with her,” she said, knowing Rowan was aware she meant his daughter. “And guys my age never touched me like you do,” Aelin whispered, “I don’t think they could.”

Then he grabbed her face with both hands and kissed her. His lips were exploratory as he pried hers open, and Aelin melted into his touch, tangling herself in his arms and letting his tongue do whatever he wanted to.

She was out of breath and out of mind, massaging his tongue with hers and pressing their chests in search of any sort of friction. Aelin wasn’t, in any way, ready for when he broke the kiss.

Rowan was panting, their foreheads joined as he gripped her bare waist with both hands. “I should get rid of Fenrys.”

“Killjoy,” Aelin taunted, breathlessly chuckling against his lips. “He’d love to join.”

His firm touch turned into a pinch on her side. “Let’s see if I can find some good use for that tongue of yours.”

Aelin squealed from the attack, stepping away, and stood taller now that she was distant enough for him to fully look at her body.

Rowan leaned one arm against the wall, looked at her up and down and said in a low, raspy tone, “And if you’re trying to impress me, I like my women better when they’re able to breathe.”

“Noted,” Aelin said, her face heating on the spot as she relaxed her lower belly.

When he left to the backyard again, she went looking for his bedroom. Aelin hadn’t entered it before, but at least she knew where it was. He kept it all in earthy tones, with white walls, dark wood furniture and touches of green. The only bright colors were from his books, and she was almost sure Rowan was the only person to keep literature about bacteria in his room the same way normal people did with fiction books.

The sound of footsteps down the hallway made her sit on the side of his bed, thrusting her chest out and supporting herself with one arm.

“Hello, Doctor,” she purred when he walked in.

Rowan’s eyes darkened, and he strolled her way with powerful, purposeful steps. Instead of leaning in to kiss him, Aelin lied on the bed, luring him to join her.

“You look so pretty all spread out in my bed.”

“Do I?” She toyed with the string of her bikini top, teasing him further with a suggestive grin.

That was enough to make him stop looking and close their distance, kissing her mouth with a lot more hunger than he did before. He was crushing their bodies together, his hands going a lot further than her waist and neck. Aelin was squirming against him, her knees weak and her hips on fire as he played with her lips, kissed her neck, then went back to her mouth again.

Rowan’s hand that was cupping her breast put the bikini top aside for him to lick, nibble, flick his tongue against her breasts.

“Fuck,” Aelin moaned, untying the string of her two-piece and wrapping her legs around him, desperate for any type of friction.

Rowan stumbled away to get his clothes off, but she followed to help him undress. With no small amount of appreciation, she took his t-shirt off and slid her palms against his sculpted torso. Her hands went up, before she slid them further down and yanked his trunks and underwear down at the same time.

“Oh, Doctor,” she breathed with parted lips at the sight of his hard, bulging cock.

Aelin stroked it once, twice, before Rowan took her chin and commanded, “Your turn.”

She took a step back, untied the other string and threw her bikini top on the floor, every one of her moves intentionally provocative. Rowan’s eyes betrayed every thought going through his head as they roamed through her mostly naked body, then stopped on her heavy breasts, his hands going up and down with lazy movements around his cock.

“All of it,” he added.

Aelin turned around, and with her back to him, she bended a lot more than necessary to take out her panties. But before she finished, Rowan picked her up and threw her back on the bed, making her squeal with surprise.

“You brute!” she complained while getting the panties off her ankles. Gods, he didn’t even let her finish the little show.

Rowan was hovering over her, his face unyielding as he grasped her chin and said, “You’re going to sit on my face.”

All of Aelin’s breath left her chest, and now she was nothing but the burning sensation spreading from her hips, taking over her whole body. She flipped them around and sat on him, but not in the way he suggested. Instead, she decided to face the other way, giving her enough leverage to suck him while she did the same to him.

He slapped her ass in approval and mouthed her pussy. Aelin let out a long moan when he first licked her clit, writhing herself against his face. But then she licked the tip of his cock, making him grip her hips harder as she flooded him with sensation as well.

Everything he gave her, she gave back. It was like a game, teasing around each other’s pleasure. Aelin took him deep into her throat, making him hiss and lose his focus on her, then he’d plunge a finger inside her while working on her clit. If it made her stop to moan, or she countered and groaned around his cock, giving him an extra layer of sensation, he’d win either way.

That is, until Rowan added another finger and added extra pressure to her already swollen clit, sending Aelin over the edge. Aelin’s gut tightened and her legs were shaking around his face, all while her vision blurred and she took his cock out of her mouth to moan his name.

She fell like a cartoon by Rowan’s side once her climax was over. “Just give me a second.”

“Any time you want.”

He wrapped his arms around her, taking her lips again and making her taste herself in his mouth. The kiss was warm and long, but Aelin pulled him on top of her before it got too long.

Rowan put a condom on and, hovering above her, took a strand of hair off her face. “Are you sure?”

Aelin grabbed his hair, forcing him to look at her. “For the millionth time, yes. Seriously, what does it take to get fucked around here—“

He thrust into her before she could finish the sentence, turning it into strangled gasps as Rowan stretched her whole.

“You alright over there?” he asked when she was filled all the way in.

Aelin’s breath was ragged, but she still found enough strength to tease him. “You think I can’t take you?”

Rowan’s eyes sparkled, and he started slow and deep, fucking her as if he had the whole day to use her. Probably because he had. It wasn’t her preferred pace, but it was really good. Aelin’s pleasure was slowly building, and she was arching her back to meet him deeper.

“Got yourself settled, baby?”

She hummed, holding back a lazy moan with her eyes closed, savoring the moment.

“Good.”

Then he plunged into her, turning their lazy pace into a hungry, merciless rhythm. Aelin cried out, her nerves on fire while she clutched his back and writhed her hips against his. As if this wasn’t enough, Rowan spread her legs, putting them up in a V-position and changing their angle enough to make her scream.

He was panting on top of her, but still said, “No sass now?”

The closest thing to a response Aelin managed was a string of curses. He was spreading her open in every sense of the word, and she was shamelessly pushing against his thrusts, her legs trembling near her head. Aelin’s muscles were tight, her skin burning and prickling with nothing but lust as she moaned and writhed and screamed his name each plunge.

She felt her peak coming, and Aelin clenched around Rowan’s cock, making him roll his eyes with pleasure and curse. They both lost composure, his hips stuttering as she went still and felt shockwaves gripping her body, moaning and holding onto each other as they were pushed over the edge.

Rowan fell by her side, then held her after disposing the condom.

“You alright?” he asked, searching for every cue in Aelin’s eyes.

“Perfect.” Her face was nothing but post-orgasm bliss. “Do you mind if I take a nap?”

What could she say? Rowan said he’d have his way with her, and he did so bad she was about to pass out in his bed, in the best way possible.

“Please do.”

“Okay.” She closed her eyes and opened them again. “You can wake me up in, like, 10 minutes for round two.”

Rowan chuckled, hugging her closer. “You know I won’t.”

She lifted her head to squint her eyes at him. “I’m serious. If not for sex, I need to wake up so my dog doesn’t starve to death.”

“If I had to come up with possible causes of death for Fleetfoot, starvation is be the last one I’d consider.”

Aelin gasped. “Are you calling me a bad mother?”

“Shh.” Rowan kissed her forehead. “I thought you wanted to sleep.”

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TAG LIST

I couldn’t tag the people in bold, sorry!

@aelinchocolatelover

@autumnbabylon

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[rowanaelinn]

she’s so relatable

I didn't know you wore glasses and I'm thinking normal and platonic thoughts about you right now I swear - for the drabblefest!

Thanks for the prompt!! I had so much fun writing this ❤️❤️

Short-sighted Gym Crush

Written for my Drabblefest

Warnings: Aelin being horny and everything that comes with that

~700 words

⨯ ⁺ ✦ ･ ｡ﾟ⨯ ﾟ♡ ✧* ･｡* ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

When you plan to go to the gym everyday, you need to find that thing that’ll make you get out of your house. Could be anything, from setting body goals—those being realistic or not—to getting over a heartbreak.

For Aelin, it was seeing her gym crush.

They did nothing but exchange glances across the room and take turns on gym equipment every now and then. She wouldn’t feed into a fruitless crush like this in any other situation, but having something exciting about the gym and wearing all the fancy, tight clothes she could was worth it.

Besides, the headphones helped to make the gym more bearable, but having a nice view as well was a nice bonus. A very muscled bonus, one might say. So big and spicy, he looked like a whole damn mean. Yes, Aelin liked that bonus very much.

She was doing barbell squats in the free weights area, and Mysterious Gym Bro was lifting weights not far from her. Being in front of the mirror made it easy to shamelessly ogle him without being caught.

The top, frontal part of his silver hair was dripping with sweat, and the entire length of his muscles looked shiny from it. Even fully clothed, he looked borderline indecent like this, or at least enough to make Aelin’s blood seethe.

And he was wearing glasses. She had no idea if those were new or if he was wearing contacts every other day, but Short-sighted Gym Crush looked absolutely delicious with thick, black glasses rounding his pine green eyes.

It was like he could read a book as much as he could tear it in half when he was done with it.

Aelin went down for another squat, but her eyes wouldn’t leave Oblivious Gym Crush. She knew she was supposed to watch herself doing the exercise, but he was so mouth-watering hot her knees got weak, and—

Aelin fell on the floor like a cartoon, but at least she dropped the barbell before it fell on top of her. She felt the ache of her hip and the rapid heartbeat due to crippling mortification.

As if this wasn’t enough, Hot Gym Crush kneeled on her side. “Are you alright?” he asked with widened eyes.

Was he asking about her aching ankle, or her complete humiliation after falling with her weight like a beginner? Aelin felt her whole face heating, but at least she could blame this flush on the exercise.

“Perfect,” her face was somewhere between a grin and a grimace. “you don’t need to worry about me.”

“Are you sure? Because I’m a doctor—“

“OW!” Aelin moved to get up, then threw herself on the floor. “It hurts so bad.”

He frowned, taking her state in. “Your ankle doesn’t look good, but…” Dr. Gym Bro hauled her up, settled her on the floor, and placed her arm around him so she could use him as a crutch. He offered to drive her to the hospital, then they both agreed that it wasn’t needed, so Hot Gym Crush was driving her home instead.

“Thanks,” Aelin said with a genuine—if not a little embarrassed—smile.

He squeezed her waist in acknowledgement. “You can ask me to spot you next time.”

“Really?” This was peak romance for every gym rat.

“Of course.” He twisted his car keys in his hands. “Can I get your name before I give you a ride home?”

“Aelin.”

“Aelin.” He looked down, and were his cheeks a little pink? He continued, “I’m Rowan.”

Her eyes lit up with the new information. Rowan. How fitting. Very moanable.

“Well, Rowan, I think you have to stay for dinner as thanks. I’m amazing at ordering takeout.”

Yep, his cheeks were definitely red. “That sounds nice, but I can cook if you’d like.”

She bit back a smile, but Rowan’s response made her vibrate inside. No need to go to the hospital, but Aelin wanted a deep, vigorous examination from her doctor. And if he asked her to stay in bed, how could she say no?

You can get notifications when I update by either following me on @backtobl4ck-fics or entering my (sometimes glitchy) tag list!!

TAG LIST

I couldn’t tag the people in bold, sorry!

@aelinchocolatelover

@autumnbabylon

@bookcide

@booksandteaonarainydayislife

@cookiemonsterwholovesbooks

@courtofjurdan

@dreamer-133

@elentiyawhitethorn

@elizarikaallen

@empress-ofbloodshed

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@superspiritfestival

@swankii-art-teacher

@thegreyj

@violet-mermaid7

@wishfulimaginings

[rowanaelinn]

I LOVE THIS SOOOOOOO MUCH

Hiiiii for your drabelfest can i have a jealous ex chaol???

Lost the Breakup

Written for my Drabblefest

Nonnie, you absolutely can. I’m addicted to Maisie Peters’ new album, so I took some inspiration from it if you don’t mind heheheh

Also, I wasn’t clear in the post but the Drabblefest legislator (me) is adamant about writing for every single ask I receive!! with very few exceptions that involve creepy illegal stuff. but i’m okay with writing fun illegal stuff like drugs or murder. allegedly. don’t look at me, fbi agent.

Warnings: language, this fic isn’t Chaol-friendly

1k words

⨯ ⁺ ✦ ･ ｡ﾟ⨯ ﾟ♡ ✧* ･｡* ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

If anyone asked Aelin why she was sitting at a bar tonight, she wouldn’t know how to explain it. At least not without telling that last month she got the news that she’s not exciting and her boyfriend—now ex—isn’t in love anymore.

What she did know is that she must look pathetic having a drink by herself—which was definitely not the plan when Fenrys said he’d find someone to make her ex jealous. She sighed and texted her friend.

Aelin: where the hell is your himbo

Fen: on his way

Fen: just so you know

Fen: i picked him for his height and hotness

Fen: not his personality

Aelin: you’ll owe me one if he’s boring

Fen: i’m literally saving your ass

“Hey,” a highly familiar voice said when Aelin was texting a snarky response. “it’s been forever.”

“Hi,” Aelin gave him a taut smile. “what a coincidence.”

And by that, she meant what a coincidence that after stalking every college bar you go to on Instagram, checking which posts with daily plans you and your friends liked, and narrowing it down to two options, we ended up in the same place at the same time.

“So…” Chaol cleared his throat. “you wanna get a drink? Like, together.”

When Aelin opened her mouth to say no, a guy she recognized from the football team—Ronan? Roman?—put his arm around her shoulder and looked down at Chaol.

“Babe.” He cocked his head, looking down at Chaol. “Is he bothering you?”

Still sitting on her stool, Aelin leaned her head against Ronan’s torso, sent Chaol a fake apologetic look and said, “I’m kinda busy, but thanks.”

“Sure.” Chaol gave them a stiff nod. His jaw was tight, his movements unnaturally smooth as he walked away with clenched hands on his sides.

Dear Mala, it looked a lot like Aelin was about to win the breakup.

Ronan’s eyes were squinted at Chaol as her ex walked out. “The way Fenrys begged me to come here to make him jealous made me think he’d at least be hot.”

Aelin opened her mouth with a retort ready, but closed it again when something clicked “What do you mean Fenrys begged you to come?”

“I only came when he made it clear he was asking for a favor, not playing matchmaker.”

Aelin sipped her Moscow Mule, trying to figure Ronan out. “You won’t have a date with a girl unless it’s to make her ex jealous?”

He snorted. “Not a date Fenrys finds me, no.”

After brief introductions and a round of drinks, Aelin found out his name was actually Rowan, not her other guesses. She was so close, but the roll her tongue did while pronouncing his actual name made it much sexier.

Also, she made a mental note to thank Fenrys later. She asked for a usual hot guy, and her friend sent her the gods’ favorite soldier, built like an ancient warrior.

“Tell me how this short man broke your heart.”

Aelin wrinkled her nose. What a way to burst her horny bubble.

“He told me a month ago that he was bored in our relationship, and—“

“And?” Rowan’s tone was surprised, his eyebrows raised. “He insulted your charity work, and there’s more?”

Aelin groaned with her head in her hands, then focused back on Rowan. “We decided to take a break, and two days later Chaol’s ex told me he’d been hitting on her for a week.”

“Guilty of attempted cheating. He’s a piece of shit.” Rowan leaned closer to her. “And if you want, I can, you know…” he sneaked a look at Chaol's way and cracked his knuckles.

“No need, but thanks.” Aelin squeezed his forearm, a laugh almost bursting out of her. “I’m flattered, though.”

Rowan’s eyes widened. “I wasn’t being serious.”

“I doubt that.” She gave him a mischievous smile. “But you can be serious about dancing with me.”

Rowan’s face was starting to twist into a grimace when he stopped and looked at where her hand touched his skin. When he looked back up, something in his eyes had shifted.

He turned his palm up, held her wrist, pulled her close and whispered to her ear, “His friends are watching us, wanna give them something to look at?”

“We should make out.” Aelin licked her lips, taking his ravenous eyes in. “In the name of torturing exes, that is.”

Before she knew it, Rowan took her mouth as if he owned it.

He held her face and neck with both hands, and their languorous kiss turned into something much more fervent when he got up and pressed her against the bar counter.

She burned from the inside out with every flick of his tongue, Rowan luring her into a passionate haze where there was nothing but restless hands, his pine-scented cologne and broad shoulders blocking her from the outside world.

Someone cleared their throat behind Aelin, making them break their kiss. On the other side of the counter, the bartender was watching them with a bored look.

“Do you mind moving over to another place? This area is for ordering drinks.”

They gave him a quick apology and Rowan led her to another part of the bar.

“I can’t see your ex anymore,” he said, looking around while they explored the place. “but his friends are still here.”

Aelin smiled. She hoped she’d pissed Chaol off enough to leave.

“You know what’ll make him go berserk?” Rowan asked, a playful glint in his eyes.

She wiggled her eyebrows. “I’ll do it.”

“If we get out of here together,” he whispered in her ear.

“Fuck, yeah.” Aelin said in a husky tone, her breath heavy as she wrapped her arms around him. “And we should go to my place. My front-door neighbor’s girlfriend’s best friend babysits his little brother.”

Rowan’s parted lips slowly morphed into a smirk. “We can’t lose that opportunity, right?”

“Absolutely not.” Aelin ran her fingers through his hair. “And I think we could do that some other time too. Just for reinforcement.”

Aelin would say she won the breakup, but she barely remembered it as Rowan pulled her face to his again.

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