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ihavethedreamies · 2 months

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Hard to Swallow | Easy to Expert (3 v6)

Lee Yongbok (Felix) & Seo Changbin - Stray Kids

Rating: M (18+) MDNI

Word Count: ~3.7k

Felix/AFAB!Reader/Changbin

Genre: Reader-Insert, Smut, Fluff

!!This is smut…if that much isn't clear you should probably leave now!! MDNI!

Warnings: She/Her Pronouns used, Swearing, Kissing, Lingerie, Multiple Partners, Oral (M! Receiving), Deepthroating/Face-Fucking, Threesome, Double Penetration, Anal Play, Sex Toys - Butt Plugs, Anal Sex, Changbin has a Big Cock (duh), Cockbulge (duh), Breeding Kink, Unprotected Sex (Bad Idea, Don't Do It)

Disclaimer: I do have the whole cock-bulge thing in this. I understand this could be a bit offensive to some who are on the heavier side (I am in that group as well). I also have the reader being pretty short even though I am 5'7". The reason being is I have a size difference kink/fetish, mostly because I am not small, and so I put it into a lot of my stories. Sorry if this doesn't align with your body type, but I also imagine a character in my place for these, so I don't sometimes take into account what others do.

Author's Note: This series has seriously devolved into pure filth. I am writing these one after the other and the clear decline in purity is obvious, helps you know whose I wrote when. This one is second to last, and might actually be a little better than the one before it but…we'll see...

PS. I wrote the first A/N before I wrote Bang Chan's, and now that I have...this one is worse.

-> Part 1 <-

-> Part 2 <-

-> Ver. I.N. <-

-> Ver. Seungmin <-

-> Ver. Hyunjin <-

-> Ver. Han <-

-> Ver. Lee Know <-

-> Ver. Bang Chan <-

I am cross-posting this on Archive. Please reblog! If you know anyone that would like this or future fics but they aren't on here my name and icon are exactly the same on the other site. Happy reading!

"So, (Y/N) has an idea-"

"Okay, I'm in." Changbin didn't even let Felix finish the sentence.

"You have no idea what I was going to say."

"If it involved (Y/N), I'm in. What is it…?" Changbin put his phone away, leaning in as he rested his elbows on the table. No one else was in the classroom yet, but Felix still quieted his voice.

"She wants a threesome-"

"Yes."

"I know. But she requested you specifically."

"Me?" Changbin giggled like a child, "she wants me?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I'm going to send you an address. Go there and ask for the item code I will send too." The older guy pulled his phone back out and typed away on it. Felix furrowed his brow, a little concerned that Changbin already had something like this planned.

"Oh, don't worry. I've had this ready for the next girl I get but none of them would have fit. (Y/N) will though." He smirked and your boyfriend's phone buzzed. He opened the message and instead of saving it, he forwarded it to you. Felix had already given you his card so you could go buy a set of lingerie if Changbin agreed. He had planned on you getting a frilly pink set, but if Changbin had a request then so be it. He added after the forward that if whatever it was did not, please you, to go ahead with the initial set.

"Can’t fucking wait, tonight?" The man bounced in his seat, once again like a child. His mannerisms did not fit him, not with his build and bulk.

"I was thinking next week, but I can see if tonight works." Felix texted you the question as well.

The address was not too far from where you were meeting your friends for lunch so you would stop by on the way home. When you got there and requested the item, the clerk came around the counter to assist you. It was a lingerie store you had been to once before, but never got anything. It was a little higher than your price range and you made sure to remind Felix to get paid back from Changbin. The clerk measured you quickly just to get your rough numbers so she could pick a good size.

"Please wait here." She smiled, bowing slightly then went to get the item. The place was bigger than you thought from the store front, and you wondered how the hell Changbin found this place, let alone to knew what he wanted you to get. The worker came back and presented the set to you, already hanging in a bag, she would have to just zip it up. You balked at the set before you. You were expecting black leather or even latex. Maybe red or dark purple? Fishnets? No. The lingerie looked like it was supposed to be for a bride, but it was a pale blue instead of pure white. When the clerk rang the item up you almost choked on nothing, and reluctantly pulled Felix's card out of your bag. Why the hell was it half-a-million won? When you checked the register, the set was listed as Mulberry Silk Bridal Lingerie Set. Really Changbin? Trying not to seem so awkward after you paid, you bowed as you took the clothing bag from her and scampered out of the store. You still had it slung over your arm when you walked into the much more familiar adult store you and Felix frequented. The cashier didn't even acknowledge you as you headed straight to the section you needed. You were supposed to get a tail that looked like a unicorn's, braided fake hair of pink, blue, and purple. There was also a matching headband, but it didn't fit the elegance of the lingerie. Humming in thought, you ended up going with a tail plug that was made to look like a tiger's, white with black stripes. There were matching ears and you used Felix's card again, the grand total being about 30,000 won. A much more reasonable price.

"What the actual fuck Seo Changbin?" you muttered, going to stand in the full-length mirror. You had prepared yourself, accordingly, slipping the tail plug in before you put on the rest of the set. The panties weren't the same kind that Felix and you normally picked out. It was a thong, not crotchless, and you had to fenagle it to accommodate the plug. You literally got out your sewing kit, luckily having a spool of white thread at the bottom. Carefully you ripped the seams out and resewed the thong strap so you could slide the tail through. You hated ruining such an expensive piece of clothing but at least it was just the thong.

Looking in the mirror you huffed, but had to admit you looked good, like a snow tiger. The top was a corset that luckily laced in the front and had short ruffles of silk at the bottom. The corset didn't have an attached bra, it curved to rest under your breasts though, lifting them up. That was where the support was because the bra was barely that, only the edges were actually silk with some boning, but the rest of the material was sheer. The thong was made of silk as well and there was a garter belt included as well. You had clipped them to the sheer thigh-highs after you extremely carefully rolled them on. There were ruffled silk bracelets that you tied on each wrist. After seeing the ensemble, you knew your black choker would be a stark contrast, but it ended up working well with the white tiger set you had. Moving into different poses, you looked yourself over in the mirror. In the background you heard the keycode being pressed into your door and the two men shuffling in.

"Wait!" Felix called, sounding annoyed and the heavy footsteps immediately halted.

"Take your shoes off," your boyfriend scolded, and you giggled softly.

"What the hell did you make her get?" You heard your boyfriend coming down the hall and stepped back from the mirror to stand at the foot of your bed. Changbin didn't answer, but he got to see when he entered your room.

"Shit." Your boyfriend sighed. He wasn't sure how to feel about it. It was clearly a bridal set, at least it wasn't white though. You did look amazing however, and he loved that his black choker pulled out the stripes on your tail plug and your headband.

"Fuck me~" Changbin practically moaned coming in to the room as well. He desperately wanted to scoop you up, but he held back. He was getting the privilege of Felix letting him fuck his girlfriend, he would hold back.

"Rules?" You prompted Felix who came to stand beside you. He glanced at your back to see the rest of the set and made you spin slow so Changbin could see too.

"Yes~" The other man nearly hissed.

"Rule One!" You started.

"No kissing her on the lips." Felix's arm wrapped around your shoulders, his index fingers tracing your pout. You sucked the digit into your mouth playfully which made him smile.

"Two!" you said when your boyfriend took his finger back.

"You have to listen to me." Felix continued and Changbin nodded in acceptance.

"Three…"

"Only I get to take her ass." Your boyfriend finished the prompt and once again got a nod.

"Valid. Probably break her anyway." The older man acquiesced. You had a feeling about that, and you still had never seen his dick.

"Fourth! No cumming down her throat." Your boyfriend held his fingers up. He didn't get a nod from that one, his friend's face hardening a bit, but you continued.

"Finally! You don't need to use a condom, but you can't come inside." You finished.

"Why?" He looked at you, his gaze less playful than before, his tone sharper. Felix was worried about this.

"She likes it too much, so only I can. In her cunt and her throat." The man next to you hardened his tone as well and Changbin scoffed. He took his ball cap off, throwing it to the side, shaking his head and running his hand through his curly hair. You watched enthralled as he unzipped his sweatshirt and discarded it too. His black t-shirt was so tight it was like he had it painted on and you had to admit your mouth watered thinking of finally seeing him without it. He was proud of his physique but only really showed off his arms. Your boyfriend rolled his eyes playfully as you gaped at his friend and began to discard his own clothes.

"I will follow your rules…" Changbin started, undoing and removing his belt, he threw it too hard and it left a scratch on the wall. He smirked at your gaze, slowly pulling his shirt out of where he had it tucked in but didn't do anything more.

"But I want her to swallow my cum, and I want to breed her." He asserted, pulling the shirt off so roughly you heard some seams pop. Your whole body flinched when you finally got to see him, and you didn't hold in your whimper. He chuckled cockily and Felix licked his lips in thought. He knew you would LOVE it, and that is why he wanted to say no. On the other hand, just because Changbin would cum inside you, that didn't automatically mean he could make you fall over the edge too. You cast a glance at your boyfriend, trying not to plead with your gaze. But holy shit did you want that. Before Felix metaphorically broke your dam, you had never been one for anything kinky, but now…To be double sure you took the pill and was even considering getting a IUD just in case.

"She has a creampie kink, not breeding. You can cum inside, she's protected." Felix agreed to Changbin's terms but added a caveat.

"Rule one was no kissing her lips. I'll let you do what you want, but you cannot kiss her anywhere. You can't eat her out either." You looked between the two of them, waiting for the other man to answer. He didn't love those stipulations, but it would be worth it if he could fill you up.

"Fine." They shook hands and Felix gave you a positive hum and you scurried forward, hands running all over Changbin's now bare torso. He was delicious and you desperately wanted a taste. He just stood there, letting you do as you pleased, just watching as you fell to your knees. Your fingers hooked in the loops of his jeans, which were hugging his thighs perfectly, and he sighed as your hot little tongue licked up from under his belly button to as high as you could go kneeling.

"Shit (Y/N)~" He hummed, not even helping you as you undid his pants, having to tug to get the denim to unpeel from his legs. You whined, letting him get the pants off his ankles and they were shoved to where his shirts and belt lay. Felix watched amused as started to kiss Changbin's thighs, as thick as your head. He chuckled as you nibbled his inner thigh before kissing the impressive bulge held back by his boxers. He hardened further at the touch and licked over the fabric as well, your cunt already pulsing at the thought of him filling you. Giving him a coy look he smiled, "Go ahead, princess." So, you did. Slowly, like unwrapping an expensive gift, you pulled his tight briefs down and off, his cock bouncing in the air. You gaped and he smirked. He was only half hard but…You swallowed hard, wiggling your jaw back and forth, wondering if you could fit him or not. Not any longer than Felix, maybe even a bit shorter, he was THICK. Changbin just watched as your hand came shakily to encircle his cock, your fingers unable to touch. You mewled, then wrapped your other hand around him as well, pumping them as you licked around the head. His whole body seemed to quake with his groan. When he was fully hard you swallowed again. Glancing back at your boyfriend who was standing near the bed, mostly naked himself, he nodded. Changbin grinned at the round ears on your headband and the tail flowing out behind where you kneeled. However, seeing you in the pale blue silk he picked out was definitely the best.

"Go on, princess." He urged and you breathed hard through your nose, adjusting your pose, opening your mouth as wide as you could. It seemed he wasn't that thick, but your jaw did still protest some. You moaned when the taste of his precum hit your tongue and he groaned too. Leaving one hand at the base of him, the other went to lay on his hip, sliding up and over the v-line of his torso.

"So good~" He praised as you huffed through your nose, tongue swirling over just his tip still. He knew he could cum alone from that, but he knew you could do more. When the plug inside you buzzed on you whined, and Changbin saw Felix messing with his phone. You focused, trying to keep your lips over your teeth and took his fat cock deeper. When the head hit the back of your mouth, you did gag slightly, not accustomed to his girth. He tasted amazing and you were eagerly anticipating him painting your throat white. You swallowed a few times, trying to relax the muscles, but pull back some to take a deeper breath. After another measured breath, you swallowed him back in and descended further. He groaned dramatically as your throat fluttered around his dick, you were gagging slightly, tears springing to your eyes. Despite the struggle, you still wanted desperately for him to fit inside all the way at least once. Pulling back, sucking as you went, he sighed, watching intently as you took another deep breath before going back down. You whined as you managed to get him completely in, swallowing over and over trying not to gag too bad. You had no way to get air in, so you didn't even try, but your nostrils flared as the tip of your nose touched his pelvis.

"Fuck! (Y/N)~" How bad Changbin wanted to grab your head and pump his hips, but he didn't want to hurt you. When it was getting too hard to last without air, you pulled your head back just enough that you could suck in more oxygen through your nose. Felix watched, amazed that you fit his friend's huge cock in your mouth. Drops of drool and pre splattered on the floor in front of you as you bobbed your head, letting Changbin's cock bury completely every once and awhile when you tolerated. Felix knew his friend had the stamina of an ox, but he looked close to cumming already. Of course, his sweet (Y/N) sucked dick like no other.

"Ah, I'm close princess." Changbin huffed out and you braced yourself on the floor. Felix recognized your stance immediately.

"You can thrust but don't go too deep till you finish." Your boyfriend instructed the other man. He nodded, and his strong hands went to your head.

"Ready?" He asked and you hummed, teary eyes meeting his. He swore under his breath and did as he was allowed, starting to pummel your poor throat with his cock. More tears spilled from your eyes, the obscene sound caused by your drool and his precum echoed through your bedroom.

"Okay, one, two-" Changbin didn't get the next word out before he filled you full, cumming down your throat. Your eyes rolled back, cunt clenching and you lost count of how many times you had to swallow to get everything he gave you. You didn't cum, but Felix wasn't overly keen about how turned on you did get. Just when your vision started to swim, Changbin pulled out and you swallowed a few more times. Your throat hurt, sorer than when Felix did the same thing. Your boyfriend came to you with a bottle of water. You gulped some down, the cool liquid soothing your throat but also helping wash down the thick cum still in your mouth.

"Fuck." Changbin huffed simply.

"You okay, love?" Felix made sure you nodded, letting out a hoarse, "Yes." You glanced to the other man and your eyes widened. His cock hadn't softened at all and was still covered in a thick layer of fluids. He stroked over it with his hand, smiling at the slick.

"Hurry up, 'Lix. I need her cunt." Changbin stared at you, his gaze fiery. The playfulness and glee from before were gone, covered by molten lust and you shivered a bit. With what he just did to your mouth, you were worried about your pussy.

"Come here, love." Felix led you to stand and go over to the bed. Changbin followed and as he got on the bed, sitting at the top in the middle. He leaned back casually into the headboard, motioning you closer. You crawled on after him and straddled him, your legs spread much wider to accommodate his thick thighs than with Felix.

"Who do you want inside first?" your boyfriend asked and you pondered a second. You could handle the stretch of Felix's dick in your ass easier and get used to it faster than you probably could with Changbin in your cunt. Because of that you thought the latter should go first. The elder man's cock was still painted with your spit and his cum, your core dripping so much, you knew no lube would be needed. He positioned you so the tip of his cock rested at your entrance. He grunted at how hot and wet you were, losing patience.

"Go." Felix gave him the okay and Changbin's hands on your hips led you down. Your jaw fell open, your breath hitching as he stretched you open. Felix wasn't small by any means, but everything about Changbin was girthy. You shivered as he filled you, not even fully inside yet, a small bulge protruded from your lower stomach. Your body shivered, breathy moans leaving your lips as he bottomed out. Your cunt fluttered around him, more of your slick dripping down to smear over his groin.

"Shit, princess." He chuckled, holding you to him when you fell forward. He could feel the plug in your ass through the walls of your cunt, and he hadn't even noticed it was buzzing still. You whimpered softly when the vibrations ceased, Felix coming up behind you. He wrapped his hand through the tail of the plug and pulled softly, easing it out of you. You sighed, letting out a squeak as Felix dripped more of lube onto your ass, smearing more on his cock. He couldn't believe the sight of your tiny cunt stretched over Changbin, trying desperately to hold him in. He was a little miffed that you were so close already, but he knew he would throw you over the edge when he buried his own cock in your ass.

"Ready, love?" he asked, thumbs rubbing circles over your hips. You let out a small noise Changbin couldn't discern, but Felix heard you loud and clear.

"Breathe." He didn't even have to lead Changbin to rub your back, helping you relax. Your boyfriend started to ease into you, and you focused on the hand rubbing over your spine, breathing hard. The stretch set you on fire, your cunt fluttering. Felix bottomed out and you twitched aggressively, and when he grinded slightly into you, you fell apart. He smirked, grunting hard at the squeeze. Your ass was always tight anyways, let alone with his friend's cock splitting you in half. Your teeth had sunk into the muscle of Changbin's shoulder, and he hoped you left a mark.

"I'm not gonna move. Fuck her ass full of your cum then I'll blow her back out." The older man held you close, your orgasm dying but you still shivered. You had no more strength. Felix made sure you were okay with it and interpreted your little whimper as a positive. He nodded and started with short but deep thrusts and Changbin grinned at how your pussy clenched around him, even able to feel your boyfriend fucking into you.

"Fuck, you're milking me, love." Felix's deep voice rumbled through you, and you whined.

"'Lix~" You moaned, and he huffed with a grin. Two more thrusts and you squealed as he painted your ass white with his cum. You came again, Changbin recognizing the clenching of your core.

"Ah, fuck…" Felix groaned, pulling out of you.

"Off." Changbin motioned to him, holding you closer and he scrambled to the side, still out of breath. He barely got off the bed before Changbin rolled forward, you under him, immediately holding you in a mating press. You squeaked at the move, your knees at your ears as his hands gripped your thighs, so tight you knew it would leave bruises.

"Hold on, princess." He warned you and you scrambled your hands, digging your white painted nails into the sheets. The headboard banged against the wall as he took his first thrust and your head fell back, nearly falling over the edge of the bed. You back arched, silent screams wracking your lungs. The noises Changbin were making sounded more like a beast than a person's and your head lulled to find your boyfriend. He was watching with slightly wide eyes, his cock already starting to harden again.

"Okay, princess, I'm gonna breed you~" The man utterly destroying your poor pussy made two more hard thrusts, then he pumped more of his cum into your protected womb than he did down your throat. You shivered, but you didn't cum again, still looking at Felix. He smirked at your gaze, nodded and you let yourself fall over the edge as well. Changbin noticed and marveled at the level of control Felix had over your body. You lay there panting under him, nearly blacked out.

"Don't let her go, 'Lix. I'll snatch her up otherwise~”

-> Ver. I.N. <-

-> Ver. Seungmin <-

-> Ver. Hyunjin <-

-> Ver. Han <-

-> Ver. Lee Know <-

-> Ver. Bang Chan <-

-> Part 1 <-

-> Part 2 <-

Masterlist

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araekniarchive · 3 months

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i'm moving!

hi all :)) it's been a little while since i've been very active on this blog, and whilst a good chunk of that is chronic illness/job related, another big part is that i've been really struggling with my own tagging systems, to the point it feels like work just to reblog something properly. this is primarily because the theme tagging system for this blog evolved as i did, and a lot of the tags i used to use on her became superfluous, or repeated, and despite how many i have i still struggled to find stuff!

in addition to that, because of the way the tumblr editor used to work, the way i added images to posts would randomly add blank image descriptions to the pictures that just said 'image' and i couldn't change them, which made the webs look very ugly on mobile and also inaccessible to people using screenreaders or with sight issues on any browser, which is the opposite of what i wanted. thankfully, this has now been fixed for new webs, but is unfixable on the older webs which is a real bummer :(

so, a couple of weeks ago i randomly decided to do something about it. and i did! a few of you have noticed that a new blog, @otheraraekni, has been reblogging some of my webs and adding image descriptions in the reblogs, but i've also been remaking some webs as well with the alt text finally working as intended. i've made a new navigation page for my blog organisation, full of some tags i've kept, some i've slightly changed, and a whole new kind of tags for those i use most often. currently all the links on there will lead to this blog (so some of them will lead nowhere, as they may be new tags) but my intention is to switch urls.

so -- moving? in a day or so (once i've got the last kinks worked out) i will be turning my otheraraekni blog into araekni, and this blog into an archive. because araekni is a sideblog, i don't really have the option to just attach it to an old email and set it adrift, and i'm hoping not to have to get notifications from it forever, so in a month or so it will be deleted.

why a month? hopefully that will give everyone time to save any webs they like from this blog that i haven't decided to move over to what will be the new araekni! obviously, a good portion of the followers on this blog are from a couple of years ago when i was posting webs much more regularly, and i am not at all expecting the new blog to reach the same level of popularity as this one did, but if anybody would like to follow the new blog this is your chance :) i'll queue this post a couple dozen times so as many people as possible see it, but if you don't wish to follow me over there, please know how much i have loved keeping this blog over the years and how wonderful of an experience it has been <3

#not a web #important #araekni #otheraraekni #housekeeping

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months

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My (F, 28) friend (F, 24) has a tendency to ignore her phone when she gets overwhelmed. She's in university, so this usually happens every semester around finals. We've talked about it and I fully understand and I don't resent it in any way whatsoever.

Now, the last time it happened was back in November. After I returned from a trip I texted her to catch up and give her some souvenirs, but she did not answer. Assuming she would eventually look at her phone and get back to me, I just minded my own business.

Except she never did. Weeks passed, then months, and my invitation to go out for a drink stayed unanswered. Every now and then, when I was out shopping relatively close to where she lives, I'd text her asking her how she was doing, if she wanted to meet up. The answer was the same: nothing.

I couldn't help but feel resentful towards her, especially because she frequently posted on Instagram about stuff she was doing. But I have really bad anxiety over being 'too clingy', so I told myself it was a 'me' issue and kept hoping she'd reply.

It wasn't until last month that a mutual friend (let's call that friend Anna) asked about her that I started suspecting it might not be just my brain being mean. Anna (who isn't as close with this person as I am) straight-out called it ghosting but advised me to try to contact her on Instagram in case she had changed her phone and lost my number or something like that.

So two weeks ago I DMd her and asked if she was okay and if she was having trouble with her phone and, just in case, if I'd done something to her to be cut off. A week later she replied and explained that she'd archived the chat because of the exams but then had forgotten to un-archive it, and that she wasn't upset with me. She apologised and asked me to meet up if I wanted.

She... gave a model apology, really.

But I don't feel relieved or happy or anything positive about it. As I said, I understand that she deals with stress by ignoring people, but it's been over six months and she's clearly been hanging out with plenty of friends. I don't want to be jealous or bitter and she is truly a good person, but this makes me feel like my friendship is an afterthought to her, to the point that she probably would've never remembered about me if I hadn't thought of reaching her via Instagram. I get it, we're adults, we don't need to chat daily, but it's not the first time a similar incident happens and it's always me reaching out first; and I feel like there should be a little reciprocity for this to work.

Am I the asshole for not wanting to mend my friendship with someone who ghosted me for over six months?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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bomberqueen17 · 2 months

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what is up froods

lol i keep forgetting to like. actually write updates in my personal journal. i'm using this tumblr too much like a tumblr.

i went down a rabbit hole the other night in that i just opened my own archives and went back to 2013 and then realized i started this in 2011. i didn't say a lot, back then i definitely was still using my LJ for Big Personal Updates and Tumblr was exclusively for snappy shitposts, and then I abandoned the LJ and only blogged in snappy shitposts for a while, and I did some vagueblogging that I genuinely have no idea what it was about, and that's fun.

But there's some. Boy there's some real fossils in there. God everything stays the same but everything happens so much.

I know I've backed up this blog but IDK how much you can make it make sense, offline. Anyway. That's how it goes. I'm not in any kind of existential panic about the site I'm just reacting to the zeigeist here, it made me think of old times.

I go back to the farm in a couple of weeks-- just for a couple of weeks, but the Season is Starting. My physical therapist keeps giving me more exercises. She's right, my core strength is wretched, but when I said I'd tried to do crunches now and then, tried to stay a tiny bit fit but-- she was like omg no you can't do crunches, with that hip cartilage as it is, so I felt a little better. So she's teaching me what I *can* do, and the important thing is that she's like you cannot do this more than every other day or three times a week, you cannot rush this kind of thing, and it's wonderful advice contrary to all the other advice I've ever had in my life which was like every moment you're not doing more work you're being a lazy shit. So, that's nice. I'll cut because nothing else here is going to be interesting.

I'm not the youngest person at physical therapy but there's a lot of old people there. I haven't been masking, I've been being lazy and just using xylitol nose spray before I go, and it's been fine, but I know that's just luck. (I see no one but Dude, who sees almost no one but me, so the consequences of fucking up would be minor.) with a trip to the farm coming up, I'm going to go back to masking, at least in the lead-up to the trip-- because last time I had COVID I had almost no symptoms, and nowadays apparently the rapid tests aren't super useful. The way I'm coping is, I know, a logical fallacy-- since COVID wasn't bad the one time I had it, I'm just telling myself I'm resistant naturally and it won't hurt me, and I know this is not the truth at all but it helps me cope-- but I cannot stand the thought of spreading it to someone who would be more hurt by it, so I have convinced myself not to fear catching it but to fear spreading it. I figure it's effectively the same and lets me not just be fucking terrified all the time.

I also discovered that a former employee of the farm who's out here going to college is interested in carpooling, and we've already got a tentative date for him to ride back with me on my way back from the farm at the end of March, and this has lightened my spirits a great deal. It's such a long drive and it feels like such a waste of gas, and he does have a car but it's not actually that safe to drive on the Thruway. (He swears up and down it's perfectly safe but just not at sustained speeds over 60. I was like omg kid do NOT, I will drive, my car is brand fkn new. He's taking the train home and will ride back with me.)

Let's see. Oh I don't think I've kept up with posting about the kitchen painting. It's down to the last tiny fiddly details, and what I've got to do is do a half-stencil in the corner above the door, and I did one half yesterday and will finish the rest today. I had to custom cut out a copy of part of the stencil to make it work, and it's sort of janky and I am going to have to hand-paint it with a lot of masking tape, but it's such a small area that like, why not, I can be that fussy. It's fine.

Once I finish that, which if I do part in the morning and part in the afternoon I can do today, then I can FINALLY CLEAN UP AND PUT AWAY all the painting detritus. I can't tell you how excited I am to do that.

I've also been doing fabric dyeing, finally. I collected several of the muslin garments I'd finished and meant to do something with, and got out my dyes. I did a batch of ice dye solely because I forgot which ones I'd intended to use for that; now I have a pair of slightly ill-fitting homemade leggings that look like a clown threw up on them, and a cheerful sweatshirt to match. i then used the runoff to dye the cream-colored canvas work smock-- I sort of tie-dyed it because I pasted up a little bit of two of the component colors and poured that on a couple areas that I then rubberbanded, because I wanted tie-dye but did not want any white areas left. So it's a blue/purple/red smock now, and the rainbow stitching I constructed it with was polyester so it's still rainbow, huzzah. Subtle and understated and also I can smear it with filth and maybe it will still look intentional.

[image description: a canvas work smock with big pockets, hanging to dry, mostly a mucky dark purple but with some brighter splotches of red and dark blue, and some bits of paler purple.]

[image description: assorted garments draped over drying racks in a sunporch, in blotchy shades of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, all kind of run together but not murky.]

And then I did another batch of ice dye, this time with the dyes I had bought that are supposed to work well for this because they split. That dress is still in the wash so I don't have pictures of how it turned out, but mostly it just looks splotchy green. LOL oh well. The point was, I made all these test garments in undyed fabric, but I don't have a lifestyle where I can wear a white dress, so now I have some non-white dresses I don't have to be precious about. Some of them I should now probably hem and like actually finish..........

I have one dress and one shirt left, and a pair of light-wash jeans I don't like wearing, and I'm thinking about trying like. Ombre or something. We'll see if I get around to that.

My sewing area is still a fuckin disaster and I don't want to think about it. But I'm cutting out a vest from scrap denim, I want a quilted abrasion-resistant washable work vest for farm work next week and I gotta get a move on. All I need now is to cut out the batting and get to it. So hopefully today.

I took photos, I might try writing up how-tos on the dyeing and on the repurposed denim stuff, but I also might not. If I was doing this again I would probably not bother with the ice, for the rainbow one. We'll see once the properly ice dyed dress comes out of this wash, I can hear the washer spinning but I'm trapped under Chita at the moment.

I missed this week's fic update because I'm progressing so slowly on both current active WIPs. I have a bunch written ahead in both, but each one has the back half of the current chapter just held up waiting for me to write them; I've overcome the structural decisions that delayed me, but I have to just sit and write them. And both of them are complicated scenes I've been waiting to write a long time, so I'm looking forward to writing them, and so like, paradoxically, can't make myself do it. Because once I've done it I'll have done it, see... anyway. Silly but there it is. I'll get through it once I decide I deserve that treat. I know! I know.

#about the author #state of the me

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defiledtomb · 1 year

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Ouroboros: The first year in development (+small update!)

On this day, a year from now, I sat in the stark light from my monitors, eyes bloodshot and hands trembling; and I clicked the post button. I then choked my pc to death and ran away screaming, scrambling into the corner of the couch on all fours, hissing at every shadow (only one of those statements is a lie).

It was 4 am and I had been scrambling to get the last details of the demo correct, mumbling to myself and reasoning with my dog. I was so happy to be writing again, after years of piddling around with lackluster projects. I never thought Ouro would be welcomed as it was, and to be honest, the fact that it was scared the living shit out of me. After the hype settled, and I sat watching the continuous stream of support that poured my way, I kind of crumbled. There was a long and dirty road of clawing myself out of self-doubt, impostor syndrome and perfectionism. Some part of me knew it was coming, since its very on par with how I am shaped as a person (sopping wet pathetic meow meow), but after climbing many hills on my ongoing healing journey, I felt like I was prepared for it.

Writing Ouroboros went from fun little sidequest to get my mind off becoming a sturdy part of society again (exhausting), to another workload, to form of therapy, then torture and back again. My writing journal is amusing to scroll through:

Things went from bad to...

worse,

until the storm finally weakened. Every entry in my journal from this point gets progressively more hopeful, more resilient against the bad days.

:> This was around the point where I decided I wouldn't give up, come hell or high water. The progress was slow, like bleeding stone and pulling teeth, but it was moving. By the turn of the new year I was battered and bruised, but still hopeful. And I know that this, these emotions that I went through, were way out of proportion for a hobby writing project, but with every ask that came through telling me about your MC's budding journey in Ouro, every gushing emotion you've shared with me, every gleaming piece of art, every kind word; every correcting one, too, this grew to something really precious to me. I wouldn't give it up for anything, even if it feels like I'm barely keeping my head above surface in this terrifying, stormy sea of a life.

I can't wait to see what comes next, even if the road is bumpy. All I know is that I will keep chipping away at this story with everything I got. And all I can say is that I'm so grateful for your continued support and patience, I barely have words for it. You are incredible. Thank you.

Now, enough of my bleeding heart. Get over here! I have some treats to share.

Mainly, it is the little update to the demo that I'd like to share; Idren/Ida's 101. I did my best to finish it today, but I only had an hour or two of effective worktime (excuse: I was outside for most of the day in bloody blizzard and it knocked me on my ass more than I'd like to admit). It is cut off at the different scene transitions, which I will add after I have some time to work on them this saturday. Id's 101 was the most complex out of all of them, so there is still plenty to explore and different outcomes to see. I hope you have fun!

To see it, go through Lena's scene and don't scream -> accept alliance -> visit archives. That will take you to the new content. CW for very emotionally charged arguments and... almost dying.

Play it here. Save often. (or wait until next week as I sadly couldn't finish everything on time for the anniversary) (I have done bare minimum playtesting, but I will fix any gamebreaking errors if there are any, immediately. There shouldn't be any, but you never know.)

A sneakpeek of the short I also will be working on on saturday:

It is sunny on the day of $!{leith}'s funeral. It is not supposed to be sunny. It is supposed to rain on bad days, and the wind is supposed to whip dry leaves into dancing columns. Thunder is supposed to rumble in the distance, and then right near so that the even the windows rattle with trepidation. But it doesn't. The sun lounges calmly on the perfectly still water of Riven's lake, glittering with winking light as the serene waves lick the edge of the populated harbor. There is chatter, too, not the moaning whispers of grieving people. Not a sob to be heard, but the flutter of a laugh and a joyous embrace of lovers right in front of you.

"People have forgotten, the sacrifice we made." Lyselin stands in full knight-hunter armor beside you, the silver gleaming in the stark light.

And some art of F!Leith that I have started:

♥ That's it. Know that I'm working as hard as I can (both on Ouro, and learning how to balance work around it, lmao.), even if I fall short sometimes, there ain't no quitting. See you soon!

#ouroboros-if #interactive fiction #And just like a year ago i'm about to throw myself on the couch and rest. maybe enjoy some video james #until next week!! I hope you enjoy stepping all over id's nerves. HEHE #dev log #writers update #wip wednesday #I gotta say that I'm really sorry for not managing to finish everything I wanted to.#one day I'll learn not to bite off more than i can chew. one day. but not today

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downstarr · 3 months

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The King and The Hobbit

I've ventured into a new fandom with a short piece that imagined Thorin survived The Battle of the Five Armies.

The King and the Hobbit (3928 words) by downstar Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield Characters: Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo Baggins Additional Tags: Fix-It, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Canon, Thorin Oakenshield Lives, First Time, POV Bilbo Baggins, Dwarves in the Shire, The Shire (Tolkien), Bag End (Tolkien), Love Confessions, Declarations Of Love, Friends to Lovers, Post-Hobbit, Dwarf/Hobbit Relationship(s), Non-Graphic Smut, Bottom Bilbo Baggins, Top Thorin Oakenshield, My First Work in This Fandom, bagginshield Summary: Several months after The Battle of the Five Armies, the dwarves travel to the Shire to celebrate Bilbo's birthday. One dwarf in particular arrives ahead of his company to reconnect with Bilbo. --- I recently did a marathon rewatch of LoTR and The Hobbit movies. I hadn't realized on first viewing how close to being canonical Thorin and Bilbo's love came. Thought I'd try my hand at this fandom and do a little Thorin lives piece. It was great fun to try out a new world and new voices. With apologies if I made any canon errors! I am a pretty casual Tolkien fan.

EXCERPT:

It was two days before the 53rd birthday of Bilbo Baggins, and the dwarves of Erebor were on their way.

As much as the Hobbits of the Shire did not approve of Bilbo’s wandering ways, his contributions during The Battle of the Five Armies and the retaking of Erebor from the dragon Smaug were already passing into the realm of legend. So, plans had been underway for weeks to celebrate his birthday with a lavish party.

Reservations about his improper adventuring aside, what hobbit doesn’t love an excuse to throw a feast?

Bilbo accepted the honour reluctantly, and only on the condition that the dwarves with whom he’d shared the quest would be invited. That nearly derailed the whole thing then and there, but after a bit of squabbling and peacemaking, the council agreed to the conditions.

Bilbo had spent the last week bustling around Bag End, preparing for his visitors whose presence he felt was far more significant than his own turning of the year. It was no trivial matter to travel from Erebor to the Shire, even though the journey could be made in relative peace and safety - unlike their original quest. So he was aware of what a great honour it was for his friends to make the journey.

At the best of times, Bilbo could be full of nervous energy. It had been hard enough to keep up his facade as an ordinary, respectable Hobbit when he hadn’t gone off on an adventure. But now that the residents of the Shire knew that his respectability had been a facade, they looked at him even more askance. That, in turn, had made him even more self-aware, especially as it felt like the entire Shire was attending his birthday party. There was admiration and awe in the way the Shirefolk looked at him, as well. Just because a Hobbit didn’t want to go off fighting dragons themselves didn’t mean they didn’t admire his courage.

Admiration felt almost more awkward than disapproval to Bilbo. But he’d slowly been learning to lean into the attention. Still, he felt very relieved and excited that his dwarven friends would be attending as well. And one friend in particular.

Bilbo was just finishing stowing away the most valuable pieces of silver and sentimental knickknacks when there was a knock on his door.

As Hobbits tended to be very well-mannered about not dropping by unannounced so late, Bilbo convinced himself he’d imagined the knock and went right back to his tidying up.

The knock came again, this time harder and unmistakable.

Bilbo crept cautiously from the kitchen toward the entryway, peering around the corner and doing a little halt-step. The movement of a shadow outside the window convinced him there was indeed someone out there. He twitched his nose, flickered his fingers, then cautiously stepped forward to pull open the door.

The figure was broad-shouldered and heavily cloaked, and no hobbit.

A moment of fear spiked down Bilbo’s spine. His adventure had shown him the wide word, but it had also made him much more aware of the mortal danger that most hobbits had the good fortune to never see. He started to reach for Sting, which hung just behind an old coat he kept by the door.

“You look upon me as an enemy, Bilbo Baggins. Surely these few months haven’t changed things between us so much.”

Bilbo immediately stopped reaching for his sword. The spike of fear turned to joy. “Thorin?!”

The bulky figure passed into the light of Bilbo’s entryway, revealing the most welcome face of the King Under the Mountain. Thorin smiled, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. “You sound surprised. Did you not invite us? Shall I go?” He motioned behind him.

Bilbo stood there staring at Thorin. They hadn’t seen each other in many, many months. When he’d left Erebor, Thorin was still under the care of Tauriel, whose Elven healing had saved him a mere breath from death’s door. Even then, his recovery had been long and slow, and Bilbo wasn’t certain that the King of Erebor would have the strength to make the journey to the Shire.

But now, here he was, standing right in front of him. Bilbo stared at him, and as he did, familiar, confusing feelings bubbled to the surface. He was somehow more handsome and noble than even his memory. He looked hale and healthy, though one hand held a silver-topped cane.

“Well?” asked Thorin with a roll of amused thunder in his tone. “Can I come in? I won’t do you the dishonour of pushing my way in uninvited as my kin and I once did.”

“Oh yes! Yes of course. You are most welcome. Most welcome, indeed. Come, come,” Bilbo reached out to catch Thorin’s arm and pull him inside. He looked past him and stepped out onto the porch. He’d expected a gaggle of dwarves to be in Thorin’s company, but the lane was quiet save for the singing of cicadas. “You’re alone?”

“I left my company behind in Bree, where they will stay for the night. They will make their way here tomorrow. But I wanted to come ahead, to see you before the madness of the celebration to come.”

Bilbo closed the rounded door and found himself staring at Thorin again. He wore a travelling cloak, but as the weather was still mild, it was not rimmed in fur. Even without that added bulk, the broad set of his shoulders was apparent.

Bilbo reached for the cloak, and Thorin shrugged it off into his hands. He staggered under the weight of it. “Please, come in. Have a seat. I’ll make us some tea. Are you hungry?” He bustled off and gently set the heavy cloak on an armchair, then made his way back to the kitchen. He rocked on his feet, his whole body humming with unexpected excitement and a touch of nerves.

Thorin rested his cane against the wall. He stood a bit askance and it was clear he was favouring the side where the orc blade had cut him clean through and nearly taken his life. “I wish nothing of you but your company, Bilbo. But…” he grinned softly, “...a cup of tea would not go amiss.”

“Right! I’ll get right on that. I’ve got some lovely cakes as well. The food is quite horrible in Bree. You’re probably dying for a bit of proper food after so long on the road. I’ll…”

Bilbo’s bustling was stopped in its tracks when Thorin caught his arm.

Continue reading on Ao3

#fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 #the hobbit #thorin x bilbo #bilbo baggins #the hobbit bilbo #thorin oakenshield #bagginshield #fix it fic #thorin fic #the shire #hobbits #bag end #fic rec #the hobbit fic #thilbo #bilbo x thorin

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the-alice-of-hearts · 9 months

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DickTim Week Day 4: AOB

Rated Mature, 1150 words, while no archive warnings would apply these would be my warning tags: omegaverse, talk of mpreg but no actual mpreg in fic, alcohol mention, hangovers, mentions of drunk texting.

Posting a couple days late for @dicktimweek but I think I'm almost done with today's entry so it'll be on time!

“Fuck… fuck, fuck, fuck!” Tim rolled out of bed to pace across his room while continuing to check his phone. “Oh fuck.”

“Uh, Tim, buddy? Wanna slow down and tell us what happened?” Steph asked from where she was sitting up on his bed.

“What happened? What happened? You know what happened! You were there!” He stopped to stare at her. “Why didn’t you take away my phone after we did shots?!” He demanded.

“Wouldn’t let us,” Cass grumbled and grabbed the blanket that Steph had moved off of them. “Sleep now, food later.”

The other omega settled into Steph’s lap and started to snore again.

“I drunk texted Dick!” Tim snapped and that woke Cass back up and got both girls looking at him. “Why would I do that???”

Cass sat up and groaned. “Food first, then feelings.”

“Well, I would love to go out on a date with him! But I already poured out all my feelings to him last night.” He hissed.

Steph threw his pillow at him. “She means for us, idiot. Give me your card and I’ll order delivery, I am not taking you out when you can smell the distress coming off of you from a mile away.”

Tim felt his face heat up and then started digging around for his wallet before tossing it to her. “Use the purple one, I’ll go shower. There’s water in the fridge.”

He walked to the shower and then froze when his phone chimed with an incoming message. Quickly turning on the water he checked it, it was a message from Dick and he dreaded opening it knowing what he had sent last night.

Hope you’re feeling okay this morning. Need anything for the epic hangover you probably have?

Tim hovered his thumbs over the keys and finally gave up on sending a message back. He needed a shower and some water before he thought about talking to his long-time crush after confessing his feelings for the alpha. “Ugh! Stupid!”

---

Tim was settling down to eat breakfast with Cass and Steph when there was another knock at the door. They all looked at the door and then back to one another before Steph got up to check it. “You expecting anyone, boyfriend?”

Tim shook his head and watched her open the door. “Oh thank god he’s not alone.” Dick’s voice drifted into the apartment.

“Hey, Dick!” Cass called from the table inviting him in. “Want some pancakes?”

Tim kicked Cass under the table and glared at her. She turned to stick her tongue out at him.

Dick looked around when Steph got back to her seat and then looked straight at Tim. “Sorry, I know you guys are probably recuperating from last night. I was just worried when Tim didn’t answer my text this morning.”

“Uh, yeah, sorry. I was in the shower and then food was here when I got out.” Tim couldn’t keep eye contact and kept looking back at the table.

“Welp! This is totally not awkward!” Steph stood up and grabbed Cass by the hand. “See ya later Tim-tam, let me know if you need anything.”

The girls were out of the apartment before Tim could say anything to stop them leaving him with a wink and a lear on Steph’s part and a thumbs up from Cass.

“Have you drank water?” Dick asked from much closer than he had been before.

Tim turned to look at the alpha and nodded. “Yeah, drank a bottle when I got out of the shower.”

“Good,” Dick responded and then moved in closer to Tim. “I have some questions.”

Tim sighed and looked down at his hands. “Yeah, that makes sense. I said… a lot last night.”

Tim heard Dick pull Steph’s chair over so he could sit right next to Tim. “You did, and I know you, so I know that it’s likely if I didn’t track you down this morning then you wouldn’t let me near you at all for months until I quit asking about it.”

Tim shook his head and picked at his eggs. “Wouldn’t have taken months.”

Dick chuckled and carefully pulled Tim’s free hand into his own. “You’re right, but it would have been unstable.”

“Ask your questions,” Tim said in a small voice.

“Did you mean it?” Dick asked carefully.

Tim winced and kept his attention on his plate. “I- well I- it’s-”

“Omega, look at me,” Dick commanded him and Tim was compelled to look at his chosen alpha. “Don’t try to explain it away, just yes or no, did you mean it?”

Tim swallowed and gave a jerky nod. “Yes.”

Dick trailed one of his hands up Tim’s arm. “All of it?”

“Yes, alpha.” Tim whimpered when Dick lightly tickled the inside of his elbow.

“You want me?” Dick asked again.

“Dick, I want you more than sober me can explain,” Tim admitted.

“Try to,” Dick whispered, leaning in closer.

Tim thought about it for a second and then looked at Dick’s eyes, they were warm and open and loving, and maybe this would be okay. He took a shaky breath and started. “I crave your scent, even when I’m not in heat. I want to be near you and to make you smile makes me so insanely happy. I light up when you laugh at one of my jokes because I know that you’re pleased with me. When I smell other omegas on you I want to cover you in my own scent and make you smell like mine. When I am in heat all I can think about is the one emergency heat cycle that you spent taking care of me. I want you to claim me, and mark me up, I want you to make me smell so much like an owned omega that the board members gag on it. I want to have you in my nest for every heat and I want you to pump me full of pups.”

Dick smiled at him and placed a hand on Tim’s cheek holding his face still. “If you have no objection, I’m going to kiss you now.”

Tim stared into his eyes. “I need you to be sure. I can’t be a fling, not with you.”

Dick brushed a thumb under Tim’s eye. “Babybird, you have no idea how many nights I have stayed awake wishing to hear those words from you. Every time you came over I wanted to take you to my den and have my way with you. I want to feed you and provide for you, I want to see you be the dam to my pups and help me train each of them to be tech geniuses and acrobats combined into one. Tim, I want you so badly, and reading your drunk texts just confirmed that for me. Please let me kiss you, please let me claim you.”

#dicktim #dicktimweek2023 #dicktimweek #my writing #alice writes #omegaverse #omega Tim Drake #alpha Dick Grayson #Steph is also an alpha and Cass is an omega and they are a bonded couple

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cleolinda · 6 months

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Weekend links

My posts

Mostly resting, to be honest; had a bad pain week and then I got a flu shot (and timed it so I could spend Saturday sleeping it off).

However, there were Grammy nominations on Friday, and I am very pleased that The Age of Pleasure is up for Best Album (and Best Progressive R&B Album, it looks like). I wrote (briefly) about my favorite Janelle Monáe songs back when the album came out this summer, if you'd like to listen to those:

"Cold War"

"Make the Bus"

"Violet Stars Happy Hunting!!!"

"We Were Rock and Roll"

"Don't Judge Me"

"Know Better"

Oh, wait, I did post something this week--a poll about which song you most associate with the Go-Go's. (The second highest result, "I have never heard one single Go," is what I wanted to measure: if you're within the reach of something I might write, what can I assume that you know?) Looks like the poll ends on Monday, so there's still time to weigh in on that.

Reblogs of interest

There was a Traditional Tumblr Scare earlier this week; you can find that under #the happenings, my "oh holy fuck why is social media crumbling into the sea again" tag, but here is the main explanation of the leaked memo. Short version: official word went out that they might actually get rid of Tumblr Live, and all the ewoks celebrated.

I have been around long enough to see multiple Tumblr Is Fucked scares, yes, but also, this was not the year to play with my nerves. Obviously I'm staying here, and I was already paying for ad-free, but I'll be dusting my Dreamwidth off as a mirror for the big posts. And I've already been using Patreon as a "get it here early" hub/archive for a month or so now. I am just not getting caught off guard again like I was when dipshit took over Twitter last November.

Pillowfort, meanwhile, actually is in financial trouble.

I haven't heard any details yet, but: SAG-AFTRA reaches tentative agreement with Hollywood studios in a move to end nearly 4-month strike.

Finalists of the 2023 Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

Fuck It, Internet Guide

I was there, Gandalf: Don't overpluck your brows.

Goth Anime Legs Uncle finally cycled back around to me with the addition that he's actually BROM? BROM??

damn girl are you the tower of babel

Video

This is just what ADHD sounds like

"My cat decided to use magic damage"

"A mating dance (?)"

Snow leopards: Sproing!

The sacred texts

i’ll kick anyone’s ass. i’ll kick your ass. i’ll kick your dog’s ass. i’ll kick my own ass

Personal tag of the week

#art was good this week, with a Mothman piece I particularly liked

#weekend links #odds and ends #linkspam

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 2 months

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In the last few days, I've made two long and rambling posts about Cowgate, a short incident from 2003 that haunts my nightmares. I think people should know that when I make posts like that - the ones that go way too long about something entirely niche - I am operating under the assumption that absolutely no one is reading this bullshit. Even the small handful of people who read this blog regularly, I assume you skip over those ones.

That's not just a hypothetical assumption, I make writing choices accordingly. I assume the only purpose of this post is to give me somewhere to put the hauntings besides my nightmares, and therefore, it doesn't matter if it's readable. I know that my whole blog is full of errors, but on posts like that, I get especially lax with things like editing. I go really deep on things where on a different post, I might think - okay, that's far enough. Because no one is reading this.

I have now been proven wrong several times about those couple of posts, which both mildly embarrasses and delights me. First of all, I got this great comment from @beastlyanachronism, which is now how I love to picture myself:

Then, the wonderful @lastweeksshirttonight proved that they'd read not only the posts but the comment, by immediately messaging me a corresponding picture. I replied that I love the image, I will definitely start my post with that image the next time a new Cowgate-based detail is found and I need to write about it. I didn't expect that to be soon, though. Breakthroughs are few and far between.

But then, I got another message, proving that at least three different people have read my post (actually four, if you count the very kind British man who read my post and then sent me a message to explain the nuances in the expression "bottle it"). And that last message is the reason for this post. Because, I can't believe I've been given cause to use this image so soon:

Further content behind the cut, because not everyone needs this content all over their feed.

This relates to the message I got last night, from the extremely helpful @linkeightvideo, who not only read my posts, but joined the cause and did his own research. And came up with this link:

The Metro cow is a thing!!! I knew the wording of that YouTube comment was weird (calling it "the Metro cow", rather than something like "a cow that said Metro on it"), suggesting that this was a specific and recognizable instillation. And I was right! But I cannot take credit for figuring that out, all credit goes to @linkeightvideo, who is the best.

The above link is to an archived version of an article from August 5, 2003, about three weeks before Cowgate occurred (which was August 26, 2003 - fun fact that has absolutely nothing to do with anything because to the best of my knowledge he wasn't there or anything, but that was also Nish Kumar's eighteenth birthday). The article is from the Edinburgh Fringe website. It's short enough so I'm just going to paste its text in full:

The Fringe was hit by a bunch of cotton-pickin', rootin-tootin' cattle ruslers in the early hours of Saturday night. The almost life-sized, bright blue and red Metro bull was stolen from outside the Metro Fringe Box Office. Metro newspapers are appealing for its safe return before the police are called and urge anyone with information to come forward. Metro Fringe Box Office Manager, Gillian O'Connor said: "We're distraught to have lost such a valuable member of the Box Office team! Please bring him back." The bull had just completed a secondment outside London's Victoria station, where he stood unmoved for a month. Yet after only a few days on duty with the Fringe he has gone missing leaving today's Festival Cavalcade a bull short of a procession.

That's it!!! That's the one! It was blue and red! I know it was blue and red, because Adam hills shouted "it's got red horns, it's all the rage". And it was almost life sized! And it said Metro on the side! Further research - also done by @linkeightvideo, he deserves all the credit in the world for this - finds that Metro sponsored the Edinburgh Fringe Festival that year, and also directly sponsored the Gilded Balloon venue.

So, the company called Metro had a large cow that was used in advertisements, and for one month in the summer of 2003, it was in London, outside Victoria Station. Then it was brought to Edinburgh, because they were sponsoring the festival and running a box office. They put it outside that box office, and it got stolen within "a few days" (which makes sense, as August 5th is a few days into the festival). It was meant to be part of the Festival Cavalcade, but couldn't be due to thieves.

Then, three weeks later, it spends all night on stage during a late-night comedy show in an Edinburgh venue that Metro sponsors, where it gets taken apart. How do we get from one state of affairs to the other? I don't know, but I'm a hell of a lot closer to understanding than I was yesterday. If the cow was somehow recovered, it would make sense from them to move it indoors, where it can be guarded better (again, credit for this idea goes to @linkeightvideo, and I think it makes sense). I mean, it can be guarded from drunk thieves in the middle of the night. Apparently the stage of the Gilded Balloon is not a good place to guard it from (shockingly) sober comedians in the middle of the night.

This made me try searching again for the specific words "Metro cow", and I found this article from December 12, 2003. It's a list of people who are involved with whatever organization this is, I'm not really clear on that. But it includes this one guy named Stephen Auckland. He's from the North of England, and as of when this was written, he was listened as the managing director of Metro. The bottom of his profile says:

An able sidekick to Associated Newspaper's Mike Anderson, even when it came to keeping up appearances following the disappearance of Mootro, Metro's cow mascot, from the Edinburgh festival. Auckland offered to dress up as a pantomime version. Luckily, they found the cow.

Guys! Guys! It has a fucking name! The Cowgate cow has a name! It's named Mootro! Now that I think about it, I actually can't believe I've never named the thing, given that I named the event (Cowgate), and giving the cow a name is the sort of thing I'd do. But I don't have to, because apparently it's named Mootro.

And the story has an update. It was stolen by August 5, and then it was found at some unknown point, and by August 26 it was in the Gilded Balloon. And then it got taken apart on stage.

I think this brings up one obvious question, which is: if this thing was important enough for its theft to be reported on the Edinburgh Fringe website, how come they were allowed to destroy it? The obvious answer would be that it was specifically made for just that one Edinburgh Festival, and was meant to be destroyed at the end of it anyway. But why did it spend a month in London right before that, then? And why would they do that anyway? Surely it's not efficient to make something like that for only a month, you'd think they'd plan to have it last a while and move it around based on where they're sponsoring things.

I can't believe this. This is the biggest revelation since I figured out who the fuck Karen Koren was, the woman referenced in Adam Hills' song, after after ages of Googling comedians named "Erin Coren" (finally worked out that she was the venue owner, which seems obvious now but it hadn't occurred to me at the time, when I was expecting it to be a reference to another performer). Actually, this is a much bigger revelation than that one, which just explained a couple of Adam Hills' lyrics. This is the biggest revelation in all the Cowgate research yet. The two main questions at the heart of the Cowgate mystery are: "Why did you do it?" and "Where did you get the cow?" And now one of those questions has been answered! It has a fucking name!

That second article referred to it specifically as the Metro "mascot". I guess a company is going to make more than one version of a mascot. But still, I don't think you're allowed to just destroy a sponsor's mascot. Maybe that mascot was at the end of its life anyway? Maybe Daniel Kitson just doesn't give a fuck? Maybe Daniel Kitson stole the cow in the first place. There's a whole new question. Who stole the cow? How did they get it back? How did it get from there to its whereabouts on August 26?

I know it wasn't on the Gilded Balloon stage every night of the 2003 Edinburgh Festival, because there's no sign of it in this montage, from Late 'n' Live on August 19, 2003 (also a fun video and great snippets of Chocolate Milk Gang history, if you can get past the second-hand embarrassment of Kitson trying his rap battle thing with an actual musician, and the presence of an actual musician makes the whole thing seem less ironic and therefore harder to watch - but you do get to see David O'Doherty beat up Jason Byrne and that's hilarious, also it's very funny to watch Daniel Kitson do something as out of character as brag about "nearly" winning a Barry Award and having a girlfriend from Australia, especially given how the latter turned out):

youtube

So it wasn't there on that night. Also, it just couldn't have been there every night. The Gilded Balloon is a proper venue that has proper shows during most of its time, it couldn't just have a large cow on stage for all of those. Also, in the beginning of that montage video from August 26, you see Kitson talking to the audience about the cow, and it sounds like he considers its presence as much of a novelty as they do. I mean, he's making fun of them for thinking it's a novelty, but he doesn't seem familiar with it, it seems like something he has to address:

youtube

This is the main reason for my theory that they didn't plan it beforehand, the montage shows the audience giving Kitson challenges for easy things to do with the cow, he asks them for more difficult challenges and then the video cuts, but I think the audience then asked him to tear it apart. It's a theory that makes sense based on some circumstantial evidence, but it does open up other questions. The main one being whether you can get permission to destroy a company's mascot between the beginning and the end of a comedy show, especially a comedy show that takes place entirely in the middle of the night. It doesn't seem likely. It also opens up some smaller questions, like what they were planning as the end of the show - the finale of the last night of Late 'n' Live, so you'd think they'd have something - that got bumped for this.

This reminds me that I had some further thoughts on the other mystery, of what actually went down on the night of August 26. I was thinking of the somewhat blue sky theory of there being two previous. Evidence for this: Adam Hills referred to "three chances", they were able to pick up chisels off the ground that seemed to just be lying around (possibly having been discarded after previous attempts), and Kitson in that video does have their air of someone who's already watched this go wrong and is really determined to make sure they get it fucking right this time. Evidence against: I'm not sure that works from a show planning perspective. What if it had worked on the first try, then what would the finale have been? If they'd watched it fail twice, would they really have made it the finale, knowing it may well fail a third time and that would be a shit ending? Though this could possibly be explained by the presence of the pipe that someone runs on stage, significantly increasing their chances compared to any attempt where that pipe was not in play.

I thought of something else today: the cow was already down when they started that video. Earlier in the night, we see comedians sitting on the cow, it's standing up. But at the end, when those guys run out to try to take it apart, they don't have to knock it down first. It's already lying on its side. They could have knock it down just before starting the song, but why would they do that? Surely knocking it down would be a fun dramatic moment, so if this were the first time they'd messed with the cow, they'd leave the knocking down to be part of the process. Unless this weren't the first time, and they had dramatically knocked it down before starting to try taking it apart, but this one done at some earlier point that the video didn't catch.

Anyway. That's the revelation. Along with some further thoughts on theories, but the main thing is the revelation. Massive breakthrough, and I need to thank @linkeightvideo one more time for research that he was under absolutely no obligation to do, but he came through anyway. What a legend. Am I using the British expressions right? What a solid gold legend.

#Youtube

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literaldoorbell · 4 months

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Give a Little - Chapter 1 - Breathe

It was suggested that I post to tumbler too! I'm not entirely sure how this all works here but I'll give it a go!

You can find me on AO3 here: Give a Little - Chapter 1 - MeDonks - Baldur's Gate (Video Games) [Archive of Our Own]

18+, eventual smut, lots of angst, slow burn romance.

“Is everything alright? We can do this another night if you aren't feeling well.”

“I’m fine. No sense in making you wait any longer when you’ve already waited an entire week,” she said, finally finding her voice. “Besides, we're already here and…” She trailed off as their eyes met.

A few breaths passed while she got lost in his gaze before he broke the spell. “Besides, what?”

Before she could stop herself, her hand reached out to grip his upper thigh and then massaged her way down his leg to come to a rest on his knee. She blinked at him slowly before finishing the sentence, “We’re already here and – I’m ready.”

I can’t believe I just did that!

His pupils dilated as his eyes widened in surprise.

“Now that you’ve put it that way, how can I resist? After all, I am ravenous.” His focus slid to her neck and his eyes darkened with anticipation.

Stepping off the last step into the basement of the Elfsong Tavern, Edith followed the corridor past the cellar and approached the closed door at the end of a narrow hall. The yeasty, earthy scent of the cellar mingled nicely with the smell of bergamot and rosemary that wafted from the room behind the door. The combination stirred up memories of the past, but this was different.

Hesitating for a moment, she wiped damp palms across her hips. Why was she so nervous? It's not like this was the first time, or even the tenth time she had done this. What then, made it feel so different this time?

Because my feelings have grown, and he knows – Revels in it.

“I know you are out there, Darling. Please – do come in.” she heard him call out from behind the closed door.

Cringing at having been caught lurking, she opened the door to reveal Astarion, reclined on his bed, propped up on several pillows and cupping the back of his head with interlaced fingers.

“There you are. I’ve been waiting for you,” he said, voice dripping with enticement.

Edith rolled her eyes. “Knock it off Astarion. Weren’t you ever taught not to play with your food?”

“So tonight's special has some wit it seems! Looks like I'm in for a treat,” he said with a laugh and rose from the bed reaching out to take her hand. “I always look forward to tasting you,” he added while bowing to kiss the top of her fingers – his cool, soft lips lingering a moment longer than would be considered proper.

Feeling flush creep up her cheeks, she mentally cursed him for being able to fluster her so easily. He knew that she still held feelings for him, and he very much enjoyed toying with that knowledge. Not cruelly, but he sure did take devious enjoyment from toeing the line at times.

“Well, I’m sure you are hungry. How would you like your meal served this week?” she asked.

Breaking out into a grin, he turned with a flourish of his hand to survey his options, raising a hand to his chin, he considered the various seating available in the room. “Well, there are so many delectable options, but none of them compare to that time –”

He stopped and slid her a thoughtful look as he considered what he was about to say. Instead he cleared his throat, letting his hand drop from his chin to gesture at the large tufted ottoman in front of his reading chair. “Here will do just the trick,” he finished in a chipper tone that sounded a shade too forced to be genuine.

What was that? He was about to say something lewd, but then – didn’t?

She took a seat on the edge of the tufted ottoman, leaving room for him behind her. As he settled in, she felt the cushion depress beneath his weight and then a tug on the collar of her shirt prompted her to gather her hair off to the side, leaving her neck fully exposed.

“Comfortable?” he asked with a squeeze to her upper arm.

She noticed her palms were sweaty again, and placed them flat on the tops of her thighs in hopes that the fabric of her trousers would remedy the issue.

This was the part she had been nervous about. Not the fangs and bloodletting, but the closeness – it felt so intimate. The feel of his lips on her neck while he held her close. The coolness of his presence seeping into her skin, making her want to lean into him.

All of it was a reminder of how he had made her feel, back before she had broken things off. Before she knew that it hadn’t been real – not for him at least. The fact that these meetings had become the highlight of her week made it even more difficult for her to shrug off his tenacious advances.

“Edith? Are you alright?” He asked, squeezing her shoulder again, pulling her from her thoughts.

Not trusting herself to speak, she quickly nodded in answer to his question.

Not liking her response, Astarion used his grip on her shoulder to turn her slightly in an attempt to look her in the eye.

“Please look at me,” he said somewhat impatiently.

She turned towards him pointedly avoiding his gaze.

His eyes narrowed as he sensed her unease. “Is everything alright? We can do this another night if you are feeling unwell.”

He’s so close – it would be so easy to just kiss those perfect lips.

A few breaths passed while she was lost in his gaze before he broke the spell by asking, “Besides, what?”

I can’t believe I just did that!

His pupils dilated as his eyes widened in surprise. Retrieved her hand from his knee and brought it up to brush the back of her hand across his cheek before releasing it back into her own lap.

“Now that you’ve put it that way, how can I resist? After all, I am ravenous.” His focus slid to her neck and his eyes darkened with anticipation.

Reaching around to cradle her firmly chin, he tilted her head to the side, as he softly nuzzled the tip of his nose along her neck in search of a place that was to his liking. When he found one, he whispered into her neck. “Thank you for this”

He always did that, and like always, it made her heart flutter.

Every time.

He bit down with a considerable amount of force before fangs pierced her skin sending what felt like an electrically charged icicle shooting through her veins. The sensation ran down her arm, across her chest and all the way to the soles of her feet, causing her to tense up.

It wasn't exactly painful, but it wasn't pleasurable either. Luckily it was short lived and a warm numbness replaced it a moment later.

He let his grip ease and he slowly released her jaw, lowering his hand to his knee next to her thigh – where his fingers absently stroked the side of her leg for a moment before going still as he let her blood pool his mouth.

In between swallows he’d let a breath out through his nose, the force of which pushed air under the collar of her shirt to blow across her breasts igniting a warmth in her abdomen causing her breath to catch in her throat as goosebumps blossomed across her torso.

Another mouthful of blood and a rush of air was followed by a faint moan escaping his throat caused the flutter in her stomach to join the tender warmth between her legs – sending a ripple of yearning up her spine.

Keep it together Edith! Just friends. Remember?

Another rush of air cascaded down her front and the yearning morphed into full blown lust.

A strangled whimper escaped her mouth and in a desperate attempt to tether herself to reality, she reached out for the hand that had been brushing her leg a moment ago and quickly interlaced her fingers with his.

Attention drawn, she felt him pause for a moment before raising his head to look at her. “Your heart is racing.”

A rivulet of blood ran down her neck to pool in the dip above her collarbone. Noticing this he quickly applied pressure to the punctures on her neck, staunching the flow, and returned his focus to her.

“I’m fine. I promise. It was just a moment of claustrophobia,” she lied. “I just needed to ground myself. That's it.”

He continued to study her face, brows furrowed, not saying anything.

Heaving an exasperated sigh, she turned to look at him and repeated, “I’m fine. I promise, Astarion. Really!”

Apparently appeased, he returned his attention to her neck where he softly sucked on the wound to stimulate the blood into flowing again, drawing a hiss of pain from Edith. He gently squeezed her hand in apology and she gave him a squeeze in return.

As he continued to eat, his breath resumed its assault on her front, fanning the flames of desire that steadily rose between her legs. She shifted her hips in an attempt to dissuade the sensation, but he only tightened his grip on her.

Another exhale and this time the force caused her blouse to billow out as she felt the cool air swirl around her torso, making her to shiver.

Against her neck, Astarion growled a warning for her to stay still as he continued to drink.

The vibration of his growl sparked another shudder as the edges of her vision faded, slowly growing dark.

Is it possible to faint from excessive carnal lust?

No, that's blood loss you idiot.

Oh right!

Coming to her senses, she patted his knee to signal that it was time to stop but he misunderstood the meaning and he took her hand in his.

“No, Astarion. That's enough. You need to stop.”

“Hmm? Mmm-Hmm.” he hummed in acknowledgement and slowly pulled away from her neck.

Turning to a small side table, he pulled a small folded white kerchief from one of its drawers and handed it to Edith and said, “Hold this to your neck. It's infused with yarrow to help stop the bleeding.”

Surprised by the thoughtful gesture, she looked it over. Intricately embroidered in silver thread was a monogram in her initials – EA.

“Did you stitch this?” She asked in awe.

He smiled briefly before shrugging nonchalantly, “Oh, you know, just a hobby I picked up along the way to keep my fingers nimble.”

“Astarion, this is beautiful. I can't possibly soil this!” she protested.

He chuckled and took the kerchief from her and pressed it to the wound on her neck. “Darling, I can make you a new one every week while I waste away in this dank basement – if that is what you wish.”

Adjusting her seat on the ottoman to face him and noticed that there was a drop of blood smeared along the edge of his bottom lip. Without thinking, she reached up to wipe the blood away, but he caught her hand before she was able to make contact, brows furrowed in question.

“Sorry, you have a bit of blood.. May I?” She asked self consciously as she realized that she had touched him in more than a friendly way several times already. Which isn't something she ever did with him since they had broken things off.

Then why am I doing it now?

Without releasing her hand, Astarion nodded in consent and pressed her palm to the side of his face.

Gently she pressed her thumb to the center of his lip and as she dragged it across, it snagged, pulling it to the side, momentarily parting his lips to reveal a pointy fang before slipping free to return to its natural position.

A small speck of blood still remained, and it held her attention, as if it was demanding for her to do something about it. Unable to look away, she swallowed.

Lowering her hand from where he had been holding it against his cheek, he examined the crimson smudge on the pad of her thumb. When his mouth turned up into a sly grin it drew her attention back up to meet his gaze – which could only be described as predatory.

Oh no. I’m playing with fire.

He slowly raised her finger and took it into his mouth, lips closing around the first joint.

Her jaw dropped as she felt his tongue dart across the pad causing the lingering desire that warmed her lower abdomen to contort into a raging lust as her eyes momentarily fluttered closed.

The corners of his mouth twitched up into an amused smile and she realized that she had unconsciously bitten her lip in response to the sensation of him nibbling on her finger. While sucking, he slowly withdrew it from his mouth.

“It would have been a pity to let it go to waste – wouldn’t it?” He asked nonchalantly, meeting her gaze.

Letting out a breath that she hadn't been aware she was holding, she felt a warmth rush to her cheeks again. Looking down, she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, in hopes it would distract him from noticing, but it was no use. – Astarion, the vampire that he was, could smell it when she blushed.

“Clearly I didn't over imbibe if you are still capable of turning that lovely shade of red,” He teased.

“Um, It looks like I missed a bit. Right in the center…” she said, touching her own lip to show him where.

He started to reach up to wipe at the spot, but paused half way there, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth as an idea came to him. Deftly catching up both of her hands by the wrists in one of his he pinned them against her leg. She shot him a confused look, but didn’t resist.

Poutily he said, “It really is a shame that, vain as I am, I can't see my own reflection to remedy the issue.”

Brows furrowed, still not quite sure what he was up to, She tried to free a hand from his grasp, but his grip tightened on her wrist keeping them in place.

“Ah ah.” he chided, raising his brows in a mock sternness, “Clearly your hands aren't up for the task. I’m sure you can still manage though, can’t you?” His pout deepened as his focus settled on her lips. Pointedly. Expectantly.

Shit.

Suddenly a memory of a kiss they had shared in the Last Light Inn, shortly before the end of their relationship, came to mind. He had pulled her into him with a hand on her lower back, almost making her stumble. She caught herself with a hand on his chest and when she looked up at him, he looked deep into her eyes with such contentment before kissing her with a kind of hunger that she had never experienced before. It wasn't a hunger of lust though. No. It was the kind of hunger that is born of passion, the kind that blooms when you feel whole and safe.

Her heart stuttered in her chest at the thought of being kissed like that again.

This is where I get burned.

Hesitating for a moment, she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. The scent of rosemary and bergamot flooded her senses and it felt as if she was right back there, with him, in his arms, in the Last Light Inn.

Her eyes snapped open, when she felt his lips lightly brush hers, to see that his face was a hair's breadth from hers.

This is going to hurt.

Letting out the breath she had been holding she cautiously placed a quick, chaste kiss on his lower lip.

Astarion responded by kissing her back, fully but softly. He didn't linger, but it was an encouraging response. Inviting.

Feeling a bit more confident now, she kissed his lip again, but this time she was not quick or light about it. Opening her mouth ever so slightly, she sucked it into her mouth, pinning it between her teeth. With a flick of her tongue, she was met with a faint taste of iron that let her know that she had succeeded.

Letting out a groan as she continued to suckle, his hands moved from her wrists to her waist where he kneaded at her.

Finally she gently released him from between her teeth and slowly returned it to him just like he had done with her finger.

Almost immediately his hand was at the nape of her neck, and he was using it as leverage to firmly press her into his kiss.

Caught off guard by the intensity of his reaction, she gasped into his mouth and he swallowed it up hungrily and rewarded her with a deeper, more demanding kiss and she opened her mouth to him. He let out a heavy exhale through his nose along with a sound that sounded like relief and abandon combined.

His grip tightened in her hair and he dove into her mouth at the invitation of her parted lips. His tongue found hers and she tasted him, as well as the iron of her own blood mingled together in an intoxicating blend. He continued his eager exploration of her mouth, leaving little room for her to think or even breathe. She was unable to resist – helpless.

I am lost.

Feeling her melting into him, he pulled her up into his lap, bringing their bodies even closer and crushed her into his chest, squeezing the air from her lungs. She snaked an arm up and over his shoulder to run her fingers through his soft curls and grab a fist full of his hair.

In desperate need of air, she reluctantly broke herself away from his kiss, using the grip she had on his hair to keep him from following her.

She felt him pull against the handful of hair she held and then his lips were trailing along her jaw and down the side of her neck as she gasped for breath.

Eyes closed, longing in her voice, “Astarion…,” she whispered in between deep breaths.

“Hmm?” he purred distractedly into her neck as he continued administering his affections.

He had made his way to her chest, pausing to undo several buttons to expose the swell of her breasts.

“I need to breathe,” she said airly.

Almost as if he hadn't heard her, Astarion placed his mouth on the top of one breast where she felt his tongue briefly swirl across her skin before he pulled back a short distance and then blew across her breast.

The cooling sensation of air being forced across the glistening spot he had made on her skin caused her to gasp. Her chest heaved, rising to press into his waiting pursed lips, turning it back into a kiss and drawing an approving humm that reverberated through her chest.

Lifting his head to face her again, his half lidded eyes met her, and the room grew quiet except for the sound of Edith's breathing.

“Forgive me. After 200 years, it’s easy for me to forget that breathing is a requirement for the living, and not just a form of expression…” he trailed off, eyes briefly dropping to the collar of her shirt, before adding, “or amusement.”

At this last part, her raised her eyebrows in confusion. What could be amusing about breathing she wondered.

She didn't have to ponder long before he continued to speak, “I do hope you wear this blouse again.” His fingers toyed with the collar of her shirt, before he added, “Please?”

He smiled at her, and in that moment she felt as if a bucket of ice cold water had been dumped over her – fully extinguishing the fire within her.

She froze in his arms.

He was toying with her. The smile he now wore was the same one he had given her the first night they had slept together.

There you are. I've been waiting. Waiting since the moment I set eyes on you. Waiting to have you. To taste you.

Hadnt he spoken nearly the same words to her as she entered his room earlier?

He had been manipulating her then – which meant he was manipulating her now too.

I fell for his same tricks. Again.

I played with fire. What did I expect?

Abruptly, Edith rose to her feet, freeing her hand from his and turned away from him as she felt tears beginning to well up behind her eyes.

edith

Hastily over her shoulder she said, “I have to go,” and made for the door.

“Edith?” She heard him say, confusion in his voice.

She opened the door and took a quick look back at him – stunned by her sudden departure, he was still seated on the ottoman, arm still raised from where she had slipped free of his hold.

“Edith?” he asked again, slowly lowering his arm to his lap, a befuddled expression on his face.

“Goodnight,” she choked out before slipping out the door and hurried towards the stairs.

Why did I say goodnight? It's the middle of the day.

She was halfway up the stairs before she heard the door to his room open and his voice call out, “Edith!”

Thanks for reading! - RUNS AWAY

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #astarion ancunin #astarion smut #astarion angst #astarion fanfic #astarion fanfiction #astarion x mc #bg3 #bg3 astarion #baldurs gate

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the---hermit · 1 year

Text

10|11|2022

My months of rest and reaxation // day 2

The fact that I'll actually be free for a few months has not settled yet in my mind. Today was pretty chill, and I am mostly trying to rest and just do nothing since it's been a very long time since I last did it. Yesterday my supervisor answered to my email, and I was very happy with what she told me, and today she also shared with me the news of a new seminar there'll be that links witch hunts documents to theatre. I have yet to decided whether or not I want to send an application for it, the historical document side of it is everything I could ask for, but the theatre reading part of things is terrifying to me. I hate reading outloud, there's nothing that would make me more uncomfortable than performance related things, and although the class would be pretty small I am not sure I'd have the guts to attend, so I'll think about it for a couple of days. Today I also got some of the books I ordered yesterday, which is insane cause they should have been sent next week, but I am really happy most of them aer here. Having these new books sparked an idea, and I decided to create a small tbr shelf in my bedroom, so I piled a few books I'd like to read in these couple of months and put them right next to my bed where they'll stay until I have read them (or until I'll redecorate) when they'll go back in my study.

Productive things I did today:

answered some emails

ran some errands with my dad

cleaned and re-organized the shelves beside my bed and created my new tbr shelf (I have been wanting to re-organize this part of my bedroom for months, and I am really happy with how it turned out)

started writing a couple of posts for this blog

continued re-listening to the magnus archives (I am about half way into the second season, and the podcast worked wonders as I was cleaning to keep me company)

practiced Irish on duolingo

Self care things I did today:

did not set an alarm

re-organized my shelves (yes this counts both as productivity and self care, and I will list it in both sections)

journaled

Tranquil's studying challenge // day 28

Do you enjoy spooky season? What things do you like or dislike about it?

I do, here in Italy, at least where I live, halloween is not really that celebrated, and I personally celebrate it more as the turn of the season, but I like the general vibe of this period of time. Autumn is my favourite season, and it's the best thing to get cozy under a blanket to read an horror book while the leaves are falling outside.

📖: Frankenstein by Mary Shelly

🎵: Roll The Chariot Along by Jonathan Young (the other day I listed to his pirate/sea shanties to hype myself up before the thesis presentation and now I am in my birate phase yet again)

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centrally-unplanned · 1 year

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Comic Box 1997 End of Evangelion Issue - Archive Scan

Comic Box was a magazine in Japan launched in, from what I can gather, 1982. It was a bit of an ‘alt” magazine - it has an imprint, Comic Box Jr, which focused on doujinshi for example - and would cover anything anime-adjacent, including western films. The October 1997 release of the magazine was dedicated to the release of the End of Evangelion film, and to answering the question “what was the phenomenon called Evangelion?”. Towards that end it features fan submissions, art, comics, essays, all talking about what Eva meant to them. Some are serious, some are fully comedic, way way more than I expected are erotic, and overall it is a time capsule of how the anime community was thinking about Evangelion when EoE came out. The magazine dissolved in 1998 from what I can tell, so this was one of its last releases - you can still see its absolutely vintage website here! Complete with dashing chibi cat gif.

I discovered this magazine through japanese anime/manga archivist-in-residence ehoba on twitter, who provided photos and rough summaries of some of the pages. They are just camera photos of an open magazine though, not scans, and not at all complete. I hunted around for a while to find a scanned version, messaged ehoba and a few others, posted on forums like Evageeks, and drew total blanks. I couldn’t find any listings of it online, so I set the quest aside...until I was placing another order for some artbooks for import and decide to check Yahoo Auctions Japan and lo and behold, there is was! It arrived this week.

So that image above is not one pulled from the internet - I have scanned the entire Evangelion segment of Comic Box - October 1997 issue. I am a neophyte scanner & image editor, these aren’t gonna be amazing or anything, but while I hope to make a more polished version I wanted to share the drafts now. I really aspire to translate it, but of course I don’t speak Japanese, so I am going to see how far working with some people I know and brute-forcing with AI would go. If you are interested or know someone who would be, definitely reach out! 100% would crowdsource this. If someone already scanned and translated this, also let me know, I would groan heavily and curse my google skills but i’d rather it be available and know, and not waste time.

Below will be some reduced-down PNG’s of the magazine to fit Tumblr image limits with Ehoba’s notes and a few of my own attached to them. A link to the full images as a singular PDF is on the Internet Archive [Here]

A reflection of a very known thing in this magazine is that, from my perspective, End of Evangelion is definitely Asuka’s moment to shine, but it didn’t matter because the 90′s Eva fandom *loved* Rei. She was the most popular by far, and I think dethroned Sailor Mercury on the ‘best girl’ polls in magazines of the era. Nowadays if you poll audiences - as the NHK did recently - Asuka is the most popular girl, but it was a different, proto-moe-boom time.

"Evangelion was fake. A fake made by one director, or by the staff. However, it was a very real fake. God, it was so good."

Watermelon Kaji absolute goat here; so cool indeed

How much Asuka is suffering in all these images vs god-salvation Rei is, again, saying alot about the waifu wars.

"I don't think episode 25 and 26 were professional work. I understand that the ADR script and previews with layout sheets are supposed to be avant-garde, but something is wrong with it." "TV show is not an individual's job, so I wanted them to deal with the schedule limitation."

90% sure this Asuka ‘escaped’ and I saw it on the internet in the early 2000′s - maybe the author published it elsewhere in a doujin, I assume a lot of this art would have been repurposed for other mediums.

Honestly the art is incredible for this magazine sometimes, the splash pages they have are filled with Evangelion’s anime-spiritual energy.

"Unit 02 has a mouth, which means it can give a blow job." "The biggest surprise is Rei in cowgirl position. The official content does that, so hentai authors have nothing to do."

(Gainax putting hard-working hentai doujin authors out of a job, what assholes!)

"My heated up feeling toward Evangelion was quick-freezed by episode 25 and 26. EoE defrosted it, but now I feel distant from Evangelion."

How much Episode 25-26 come up here is great evidence for how divisive they were - End of Eva is absolutely seen as commentary on, and opposition to, the TV ending. I think in the west the initial reception of the original ending is overall more positive? Certainly nowadays, would be curious how it is seen in Japan today.

OCR’ing this image will literally murder me, pls I can’t

"Bullshit plot, surficial information, shallow dialogues, inconsistent direction, story with tons of plot holes, the director's masturbation, the otaku's useless attempt to enlighten other otaku..." "BUT I LOVE IT."

10/10 take

"'Sincerity' of someone I don't like just confirms that I still don't like them. Anno apparently thought that honest depiction of himself can be depiction of otaku, but that's not wrong. Anno is exceptionally creepy."

God-tier Anno portrait here. I love how many of this art showcases “settings” from End of Eva and which ones hit the audience - re-using the movie theatre seats for Shinji, that is really cool!

Evangelion - Slayers edition! The artist names are in the black box panel on the page lining, I absolutely hope to track down a few of them and see what kind of works they made.

"I think each material of Evangelion was nothing new. In the early half, however, I was moved by their techniques of arranging and remixing those materials." "Creators' strong desire for expression supported this story, but I'm not sure."

"Adam and Eve in the Eden East" "I hope they will live happily after the ending."

"The theater was like a funeral after the screening. No, I should say it was a literal funeral. Evangelion ended, it died. In terms of entertainment, Evangelion was completely and brilliantly killed."

Kaworu’s insta-inclusion into the ranks of the kid cast is always amusing to me; he is in one episode of the show after all, barely in Eva! But he is all over the art immediately. The power of design - and also being one of the first gay characters on television (as opposed to OVA’s) in Japan.

Hopefully if I can make progress on translation I can have actual thoughts to add to the scan, certainly I will post results if I get them.

I value, way too deeply to be honest, the preservation of the other side of the ‘media mix’ - how people responded to the media in question and what it meant to them. It is way more likely to be lost than the media itself or documents from the production side. May this contribution to preserving a bit of that experience be of value to those out there who would be interested in the history of Evangelion, and anime more generally.

If you think you know anyone or your followers overall would be interested in translation help, I would appreciate the broadcasting!

#evangelion #anime archives #90's anime zeitgeist

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