#I can’t even make friends with other autistic people or other weird people or other queer people | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkdrinkerworld · 3 months

Text

Dealer!remus and autistic!reader’s relationship starts off so rocky guys let me tell you!!! Angst to fluff

Remus doesn’t fully get that he can’t just say things- like he’s got to be deliberate and conscious of the words he uses and his tone.

He’s never had to do that before so it’s weird and it’s hard to learn and he slips up sometimes.

One of your biggest arguments happens when he’s frustrated and you’re just trying to help.

You’d seen him so sullen and moody on James’ story so you decided to do for him, what you do for yourself.

You baked.

But then you realized you’re not at the stage where you know his absolute favourite type of cookie so you go a little all out.

You bake chocolate chip biscoff cookies. Chocolate chip toffee cookies, regular chocolate chip and brown butter chocolate chip.

You set them in a cute box and you text Remus that you’re coming to see him. You’re thinking everything’s going to go well, you’re gonna drop the cookies off for him, maybe he’s going to tell you what’s bugging him- maybe not; either way he won’t be alone.

Except you get there and immediately you feel like you’re inconveniencing him.

Try as you might not to take it personally, it’s really hard because he seems particularly peeved at you.

“Why are you here?” His tone is sharp and jagged and it winds you a little.

“I brought you cookies to cheer you up. Saw that you weren’t yourself on James’ story,” you keep your tone even, light- a practiced thing from your days of dealing with people that didn’t quite get you.

“Why would that cheer me up?” At this point everything’s going downhill fast and you try to salvage what little is left of your deflated cheeriness and open up the box to display the array of cookies.

Remus at the same time waves his hand and the box goes pitching across his living room floor and he explodes.

You can’t remember the last time someone had yelled at you like that and honestly, it hurt more coming from Remus who was so normally relaxed and chilled.

You don’t even tell him goodbye, you just clean up all the mess while he’s cursing and yelling and then leave.

What’s twists the bloodied blade in the wound is that he doesn’t even try to stop you or reach out to you for three days.

By which point you’ve already gone mostly nonverbal and you’re in no mood to entertain or fake a personality for the sake of your friends when you do see them.

Remus stops at your house after you ignore three invitations to his place.

“Dove, I know you’re at home. Can you open the door please?” His voice is muffled through the hard wood of the door and you have half a kind to leave it shut- he’d been mean, he’d said things that were very hurtful now that you’ve actually processed what he’s said fully.

You don’t know if you can stand to see him. Then he knocks again, “I want to look at you when I apologise, sweet girl. Please open the door.” And the wholesale remorse in his tone shakes your core and you cave.

He steps inside with a box and three tulips. “I figured I’d have had to do it face to face for it to really mean anything and because I realized I was an absolute prick to you when you just came over to help.”

You don’t even hum. Usually, when he was nice Remus- as you’ve differentiated in your head - you’d be able to look him in the eyes every couple of words, but right now you just look over his shoulder.

“I shouldn’t have yelled or sworn at you like that. It wasn’t cool and I never want to speak to you like that- ever. I was an idiot and I just want to make up for it.”

There’s about a minute where Remus thinks he’s just fucked every single bit of progress you’ve both made with each other and then you let out a big breath.

“You can’t say things that you don’t mean just because you’re upset. What you said really hurt my feelings and I don’t like feeling the way you made me feel when you were that angry. If we continue to be friends you can’t do that because it makes it hard for me to trust you and find what you’re saying believable.”

Your voice is hoarse and crackly from lack of use and Remus feels even worse. “I’ll do better, I swear. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you- it’ll never be, but I am sorry that I did.”

You nod once, succinct and definitive. Remus holds out the box to you, showing a puzzle you’d been eyeing for a while.

“Can we build it together?” He asks softly, an ebb of vulnerability given away as you catch his eyes.

“Okay, but we have to do corners first, then work our way in.” Remus nods, his other hand holding the flowers for you. The tulips are a pristine white.

“The lady at the shop said they’re good for conveying apologies.”

You smile a little, “These ones are also for condolences.” Remus shakes his head,

“Not this time,” he watches you put them in a vase of water. “Also, ‘if we continue to be friends’, thought we were a little closer than friends, sweet girl?”

He relishes in the way you bite your lip to hide your grin as you take the puzzle box from him and set it up on your coffee table.

“Well I wasn’t sure if you wanted to acknowledge it or not.”

Remus says very seriously as he sits opposite you at the coffee table, ducking down so he can catch your eyes as you take out the numbered bags. “I’m always acknowledging it, we’re more than friends dove. When everything’s not so fucked, I’ll take you out and do it with pink and red lilies.”

#remuslupin #remus lupin #remus lupin one shot #remus lupin fanfiction #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin drabble #remus lupin blurb #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin fic #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x yn #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x black!reader #remus lupin angst #dealer!remus lupin #dealer!remus #tism🤝

612 notes · View notes

xenosaurus · 2 years

Text

there’s an autism test going around again, and those are always WILD to take as an adult who has actively worked to adapt to certain symptoms. My score has almost definitely “improved” by neurotypical standards because I put in an unholy amount of effort to get there. I didn’t “become normal”.

I was a deeply anxious child with no idea how to interact with other children and could rarely identify my OWN emotions, let alone how they looked on others. I got badly bullied because all of my social interactions were “off”, too forward or too quiet and too fixated on single topics.

As an adult, I work in training, where I often teach classes to large groups of strangers, and every year my performance reviews are full of comments about me being friendly and welcoming. I get along with most of my coworkers, even the ones I have nothing in common with.

I have not become less autistic. Nothing became instinctive or “just makes sense”. I didn’t “grow out of it”. I have 10+ years of therapy under my belt and understanding friends who were safety nets while I tried new things and let me ask “weird” questions about body language or social interactions. I learned body language the same way I learned math-- by reading instructions, by practicing, by cheating off someone sitting next to me if I had to.

And I only got through it at all because I find people interesting; if I’d been bored by them, I’d have been stuck, and no amount of intervention would have gotten past that stumbling block. I weaponized a special interest in personality development to get here.

I still struggle without accommodations my peers don’t need. I still can’t go to concerts or clubs or loud parties. I can still lose myself for hours in a special interest and forget to eat. I still miss euphemistic jokes if I haven’t heard them before. I still struggle with executive dysfunction and sensory problems, and if there’s a NEW social skill to learn, I’ve got to figure it out from the starting line.

Getting good at navigating around your disability doesn’t mean it went away.

#autism stuff #bullying mention

5K notes · View notes

hotluncheddie · 5 months

Text

high masking autistic steve snippet - a follow on from this and this

wc: 2.5k | rated: T | cw: none | tags: autistic steve harrington (and eddie but again this is about steve), hurt/comfort, established relationship, stimming

ao3

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

Steve is spending the evening doing one of his new things. Where he takes time to just be. It’s recovering, or Stevie time, or whatever Eddie and Robin have decided it should be called.

He’s alone basically, and it’s nice, because he’s letting it be nice. Letting it be restful.

It’s for when he’s had a meltdown. Or can feel one coming on, because now he’s starting to recognise what overstimulation feels like on his skin. How it prickles at the back of his neck if his breaks cut short, makes his vision vignette if something too unexpected happens.

Learned that after something like that he’ll need to rest. Needs time.

And it’s not lazy. It’s not. (Sometimes it still feels like it is.) (Weak…that word always plays in the deep, scathing tone of his father’s voice…and selfish.)

He’s on the couch, it’s dark, he actually feels really comfortable, and he’s watching The Breakfast Club. Watching it again. It’s his favourite, it feels like his. But he doesn’t like watching it with other people because they might notice how much he likes it and he doesn’t want that. Can’t be seen like that.. Embarrassing.

So he watches it alone, when he gets home from work. He pauses whenever he wants, rewinds, pauses. Takes a deep breath, rewinds, pauses, stares into space.

He also pauses to eat the snack he brought in. Actually tasting the food bc it’s the only thing he has to focus on. No lights, no sounds. He forgot how much he likes oranges when they’re ripe. Harder to taste if he has to listen at the same time. So, on a day like today, he lets himself do stuff one step at a time.

It’ll probably take him double the normal run time to get all the way to the end. But who cares? It’s his time.

The weird girl’s parents driving off; that feels like him. The jock’s Dad letting him off easy; that doesn’t feel like him. ‘No schools gonna give a scholarship to a discipline case.’ Maybe that does feel like him. Before through. A long time ago now.

He claps sometimes. Keening high in his throat, a little happy hum that he only lets himself do when he’s alone like this. He does it after he whistles the same tune they do. And during the scene of them running around the corridors. It’s exiting. Makes his lips stretch wide and his feet flap around. He claps. Once. Twice. It feels good.

He laughs at the characters. How they merge together with bits of his friends. He feels that swell of happy sad emotion looking at the jock when he first comes in, acting above the others, only seeing Molly Ringwald. He lives through a couple flashbacks of himself. Resigns to actually watch them, sit in them, begins to process who he was. Who he’s becoming now. Something like forgiveness tasting sweet on his tongue. He cries a little; that swelling and shifting as buried emotion finally passes. It overcomes him sometimes when he lets his mind relax.. He rewinds, and he laughs.

“Stevie?”

Steve starts, fingers tangle in the blanket in his lap. Brain slow to process the change, the information. Eddie slipping through the door and coming over to him. Eddie dipping to look at Steve’s face, trying to catch Steve’s eye. Eddie smelling like cigarettes and crisp autumn air, it’s nice, but, it’s a lot. Panic sits bubbling somewhere in him. He wasn’t expecting this.

“…Eddie?”

“Hey sweetheart. I know you had a shitty day, but Wayne’s at home with a headache and he needs to sleep it off. Wouldn’t’ve been able to stay quiet enough for him.”

Steve breaths in and out a little quickly. Eyes wide.

Maybe it’s okay. Eddie knows he had a bad day. Maybe it’s okay.

“I’ll sit in the kitchen, work on my campaign, just forget I’m here.” Eddie speaks quietly, almost a whisper.

He stares at his hand in his lap. “..You won’t, listen?” Steve feels small. Knows he’s not, his frame broad and strong. But, he needs small. Wants his world small tonight, slow. Wants to stay hidden. Him and the couch and the film and nothing else.

Eddie just shakes his walkman and smiles (in that pointy way that makes Steve’s toes curl).

“Kay” Steve whispers, still wary, off kilter. But accepts the kiss Eddie drops on his head, tangling their fingers together for a breath. Steve leans forward for a kiss on the lips. It’s deep, and lovely. Steve can smell Eddie’s cologne. Feels where the chill bit at Eddie’s nose. He shivers.

“No cooking.” Steve mumbles while their lips are still close. Small smile pulling at his face, eyes sharp, waiting for Eddie to get it.

Eddie groans quietly in embarrassment but his eyes are soft and molten and Steve’s toes curl up again. “Course not baby, not again. Once you’re hungry just come through, yeah? Make us something nice.”

And the light of the kitchen doesn’t reach the couch. And Eddie listens to his walkman loud. And Steve’s safe. It’s Eddie. He’s not listening. Steve’s safe.

His favourite scene; Bender and Claire in the stock cupboard. The way he looks so shocked, the way she bites her lip. ‘Why’d you do that?’ ‘Because I knew you wouldn’t.’ Steve whispers as they do. Claps. It’s such a good scene. He’s exited. He claps again. Rewinds to just watch her face. Rewinds to just watch his. Rewinds and watches the whole scene again. Wraps his arms around his middle and squeezes. Pauses on the kiss. He rubs his fingers agains his mouth. Giddy excitement bubbles in his belly. He hums high and happy again. He loves this movie.

The weird girl gets a makeover, the jock really likes it. He feels like the weird girl sometimes, maybe Eddie can be his jock. Maybe he should get a makeover. Maybe keep growing out his hair. Maybe Eddie would like that.

The credits roll. Bender’s fist in the air. Steve drifts on the couch, eyes closed. He breaths deep, his stomach growls.

He pads through to Eddie. Squinting. Too bright. “D’you mind?” He motions to the lights, his eyes too adjusted to the dark and he doesn’t even wanna try and adjust them back.

‘‘Cause. What we making?”

Steve hums, goes into the pantry to see what’s easy. Eddie slips in behind him, hand on his waist. “Pasta?” Steve asks but Eddie doesn’t reply, just turns him gently. Nudging him to step back into the corner.

Eddie looks at him, dips forward to place a slow kiss on his neck. “Why’d you do tha..’ Steve’s words dry up in his throat.

“Because I knew you wouldn’t” and Eddie’s eyes are sparking with glee.

Eddie heard him.

He listened.

Steve’s feels himself flush hot, embarrassed and ashamed. “Ah, I, uh.” He can’t explain it, why he had to watch it so many times, why it makes him so exited. He crosses his arms over his chest. Turns back to the shelves of food and picks a can at random. Shoving out of the room.

“Steve?”

Eddie said he wouldn’t. He listened in on him. He said he wouldn’t. He’s making fun of him. Steve knew he should’ve told Eddie to go home.

“Stevie? What’s wrong?” But Steve doesn’t want to talk to him. He’s so angry, So ashamed, of himself. What if Eddie heard him clap too, heard him make that high noise, like a fucking baby, like some freak.

He puts the can on the counter with way too much force, corn, not what he fucking wanted. His hands are shaking. He stares at them, wills his tears to stay behind his lash line. He got too comfortable, he can’t do that. Why is it so hard to pretend now, when it used to be so easy.

“Steve, tell me what I did, please.”

“‘M fine” Steve’s insides feel too big, pushing against his skin, itchy all over. He squeezes himself around his middle again, digging his fingers in hard.

“Don’t do that, you know I hate when you bullshit like that.” Half lovely, half scathing.

The word stinks, a stab to the gut. But Steve gets it, he does, they talked about it. He bites his lip, hard.

Its old habits or whatever. Because Steve, he loved fine. Liked sinking his teeth into it; toxic waste green coating his mouth and lungs. Thick and delicious. Because fine gets you out of it. Fine gives you translucency. Controlled balance. Everything appearing a none issue, the perfect in-between. Steve was perfect at coming off as something to not worry about, someone to be ignored. It used to work in all situations; can’t get told off if you’re fine, cant do anything wrong, teachers didn’t look twice, his parents wouldn't shout. By staying half alive, never letting anyone too close, never filling your lungs up all the way. That was the fine Steve adored.

“You were literally just watching a movie. I dunno what the big deal is.” and there’s frustration, confusion, in Eddie, Steve thinks. He feels himself tense up, glance over.

Eddie must see something on his face. See that scared little animal prowling around within him. Because Eddie softens, his voice gentle. “Steve.. it’s nothing I hadn’t heard before.’ And Steve’s teeth clamp together with a click. He’s done that, his clap and his high hum, in front of Eddie before? Steve tries to swallow, he can’t, a lump too big and sticky in his throat.

He can’t look him in the face, angry tears still threatening to spill “You said you wouldn’t listen.” He’s mumbling. He sounds even more like a kid. Stupid. Grow up.

“I heard a little but I was just flipping the tape over, I wasn’t trying to snoop on you Stevie… You just, you sounded happy.”

Steve huffs. Glances at Eddie. That soft underbelly of his whining, because with Eddie, Steve yearns. Yearns for close. Yearns to be seen, and understood.

“You didn’t mean to?”

“No, it was just when I was turning the tape.”

Steve forces a deep breath.

“You think I’m weird. You hate me.” He whispers it like it’s true. A big part of him believes it, his tears welling up. Feels rejected. Knows that feeling too well. Hates it.

“Always like you Steve. Always.”

Steve grunts, a tear slips out, rolls down his cheek.

“‘M embarrassed” comes out like an ugly sob. Steve scrubs his palms on his cheeks, feeling how red hot they are. Glaring at the countertop. “I’m embarrassed!” But it’s just Eddie. It was just Eddie.

Eddie comes over, slowly draping himself over Steve’s back. “Nothin' to be embarrassed about, love.” And Eddie leaves soft kisses on Steve’s neck, squeezes his waist. “You looked cute on the couch like that. Like it when you’re happy.” Steve tries taking another deep breath but it shudders.

Embarrassed, angry, sad. Embarrassed, confused, angry. Frustrated, embarrassed. Tired.

Emotions wash over him. He’s learning to try and just feel them, name them, pick them apart. Some bubble back up to the surface, some only needed to be seen once.

Steve turns to bury his face in Eddie’s neck. He sighs, rubs his face into Eddie’s warm skin. shaking his head, likes how his lips feel moving against edie’s soft parts.

Tired, hungry, embarrassed, hungry.

“’M tired. I dunno what to eat.” He whispers, and then because he said it it’s like there’s space in his brain. “Want pasta.”

“Pasta it is then. And then we can sleep, yeah?” Eddie rocks them gently side to side, kisses the side of his head and slips away. Goes to get the box from the pantry, puts the corn back. Steve gets a pot out of the cupboard.

Staring into the water, the tips of his fingers prickle. Steve fizzes with energy and emotion. All pent up and annoying him. Needs it out. He clicks the flame on.

He starts pacing around the kitchen island. In big striding, stomping steps. “Ugh! You think I’m weird. Some weird guy who acts weird and does weird shit.” Steve grumbles. Annoyed. He smacks his palm quick and hard against the counter top. Keeps stomping.

Eddie comes back and starts following. Stomping and prancing like some court jester. “I like that you’re weird! You know, I have one episode of the Twilight Zone taped. It’s my third one. I watched the other two so much the tapes broke.’ Steve lets a little shout slip from him “Ha!” bubbly and forceful. Dislodging something within him. Like when a tooth finally falls out.

Feels good.

“I only like one brand of spaghetti hoops. Wayne once bought me a multipack for Christmas. Best fucking gift I ever got.” and Steve’s laughing now. Giggling and manic and still stomping around the island.

“I like how it feels to brush my teeth. I’ve never had a filling. I fucking love brushing my teeth, Eddie.” and that makes Eddie laugh now too. Two freaks stomping around the kitchen. A king and his jester, lit up by moonlight.

Steve turns the corner and stops short, still giggling. Eddies bent at one knee, presenting the box of pasta to him. “My liege.”

Steve claps, hums, high and keening. The waters boiling.

“How’d you feel now?’ Eddie asks around a mouthful of cheesy pasta.

Steve curls up tighter into the corner of couch, wraps both hands around the warm bowl. Glances at Eddie across from him. “Still kinda embarrassed.”

Eddie looks so soft, so kind, across from him. “I’m embarrassed too, to be honest. You love that movie, I thought you’d like me doing that. Kinda like when we, when we kissed upside-down, like I was Spider-man” Eddies sentence get quieter towards the end, mumbly, spoked into his bowl, cheeks dusted pink.

Steve strains to hear him. Smiles once he puts the words together.

He shovels pasta in his mouth. Eyes closed. “You are so annoying Eddie Munson. Why’d you even come here tonight, you coulda gone anywhere.” Steve sinks further into the couch, it’s really good pasta.

“Missed you.” Eddie says it like it’s simple, easy, and warmth drips over Steve’s skin.

Eddie clears his throat, Steve feels him fidget. “Wanna maybe.. You think we could live together one day? Want you to be able to do whatever you want with me around Steve. Breakfast Club on all the time at our place, kay?” And Steve’s throat constricts, that’s a big change, living with someone, moving out. But maybe with Eddie it could be okay, if they did it together, slow.

“Yeah, kay. One day.” Softly, bit by bit. Little bits. Steve can get there. Let Eddie in, let Eddie see. “But no to Breakfast Club on all the time.” Because some times, some days, some things, are just for him. Steve needs it that way. And that’s okay.

He stretches out further on the couch, feeling syrupy and nice, easy smile playing at his lips. “I like it when you kiss my neck though, you can do that again.” And that makes Eddie grin all pointy, put their bowls to the side and crawl over him.

Steve’s toes curl and he hums, high and happy.

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

tagging those who asked mwah! @2jug2head @lil-gremlin-things

but also people who i think might be interested (sorry if ur not lmk and i won't again) @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @pearynice @steventhusiast @sugarcookiesteve @spectrum-spectre @irethsune

#hope u enjoy!!#autistic steve harrington #steddie #steve x eddie #hotlunch #my fic #once again #steve harrington needs a hug #and once again #he gets one #lmk if u liked it #i can’t tell u how many times i’ve watched the breakfast club dude #there’s just something about it

384 notes · View notes

butterflyscribbles · 8 months

Text

So I haven’t talked nearly enough about Mutant Mayhem yet but I saw it for the second time a few days ago and they have consumed all my thoughts have some random headcanons I’m dying I have to talk about them more:

⚠️(Spoiler warning for MM as well)⚠️

April

- Lives with her mom and grandfather on her mother’s side. Raised by a single mom who’s a veterinarian and her grandpa, a retired tailor and clothing retail manager, moved in after her grandma passed away a few years ago.

- Listens to way too many murder mystery podcasts and thrillers are her favorite movie genre

- Practices doodling a lot in the sides of her journal or class notes. She’s inspired by courtroom sketch artists and old biology journals.

- Swears like a sailor. Even more than Raph. Tries to censor herself around them but it only gets worse the closer they become as friends

- Becomes a sort of ambassador for the turtles and other mutants in the city. Anyone who doesn’t approve of them, goes through her…

- Favorite subject is biology, outside of working on the school newspaper of course

Leo

- Big time book worm. Has read a lot of the classics like The Great Gatsby, Catcher in the Rye, etc. which gives him an advantage heading into high school. His favorite subject is literature naturally as a result.

- Autistic, practically canon but just putting it out there

- Like April, he’s got a sensitive stomach under pressure. Nausea flares up all the time, especially at the sight or smell of blood. They bond over it. Nothing brings two people together like commiserating that your tummy hurts all the time🤝

- Hopeless romantic. Had fallen head over heels for a few other girls he spotted up top even before April came along. She was just…different. He watches a lot of sappy romance movies too they make him feel all warm and fuzzy.

- Love language is words of affirmation big time. He’s always about hyping up the people he loves and will defend them through anything.

Raph

- He’s the team medic in this iteration. He’s no professional but growing up he had so many injuries from being a scrappy lil dude that he picked up on how to take care of ‘em on his own and of course shares that knowledge with his bros and April later. He’s surprisingly gentle when he needs to be.

- He’s the most prone to nightmares/night terrors. The fact that Raph was the one to go seek comfort from Splinter in the tots scene is so important to me.

- He and Donnie are the anime enthusiasts. Hasn’t seen as many as Donnie but it’s close.

- Scratching his shell gently, especially up by the shoulder blades, is like an automatic snooze button. He passes out within minutes.

- Second biggest crybaby to Mikey. It happens when he feels any emotion too strongly whether it’s happiness, anger, sadness, etc. and he hates it. Makes him feel weak, which is why there usually is a lot of punching involved too.

Donnie

- Can’t swim and is the only one who actively dislikes getting into the water.

- He and Leo have been studying how to speak and write Japanese together for years. Don has picked up a lot from all the anime he watches.

- Is the most emotionally open version of Donnie to date. He’s always telling his family how much he loves them without restraint and is the first to ask what’s wrong if he picks up on someone acting weird or trying to hide something.

- To compliment the above hc, he’s insanely observational, like Sherlock level. They don’t know how he’s able to do it but his attention to detail and his ability to take that and create plans and get a read on people is baffling. If Donnie doesn’t get a good vibe off someone, believe him and run the other way. (Makes him really good at those spot the different puzzles too lol.)

- Loves to dance just like his previous incarnation before him:’) Bootyyyshaker9001

Mikey

- Is actually afraid of cats…growing up with Splinter, who would freak out at the sight of them, only taught him to freak out along with him. They are sharp and unpredictable.

- Other than that however he’s an animal lover. Had a few pet fish through the years that he saved after being flushed.

- Practically canon but the most physically affectionate by leagues. Constantly seeking a brother, adopted mutant family member, or an April to cling to.

- Super into musicals and is a actually a decent singer

- Can take a punch like nothing you’ve ever seen and can still be standing….but gets sick constantly his immune system is wack

#butterfly whispers #mutant mayhem #tmnt mm #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles: mutant mayhem #mm raph #mm april #mm leo #mm mikey #mm donnie #mutant mayhem spoilers #mm spoilers #more to come later probably

315 notes · View notes

sharkboywrites · 4 months

Note

Can you do an Astarion x autistic trans male reader who really wants to try at having a romantic relationship with Astarion but really struggles at it and sometimes doesn’t really understand it and Astarion wants to kind of stop caring about reader because he can’t give him what he wants but he can’t get himself to stop caring for reader? Kind of platonic (?) but not really cus it’s more like that the reader is aromantic.

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense English isn’t my first language and i suck at writing 🥹

Astarion With a Reader Who Struggles With Relationships

A/N: Okay okay I sort of get this because I also consider myself somewhere on the aroace spectrum and I struggle with the same thing of wanting a relationship but not really being able to/understanding how that works and I think it would be a really interesting clash with Astarion

Trans male reader, aromantice/aromantic spec reader, sort of platonic sort of romantic

Your situation with romance causes Astarion a lot of confusion when the two of you start getting closer

The only thing he's known for the past two hundred years is sleeping with people to gain safety and trust, and along with it he had a very closed view on romance

So the both of you are exploring romance with each other for the first time and learning what the both of you are comfortable with

You decide to keep your feelings on romance to yourself for a bit, as the both of you were already unsure with this relationship and didn't want to put any more stress on him while he was processing these new feelings

When the time comes for a serious talk between the two of you, you both have things to say about how you feel

Surprisingly, Astarion could tell how you were feeling and he doesn't hold anything against you

While he cares about you dearly, he wants you to be able to make your own decision

He know what it's like to be forced into something you don't want, and he doesn't want the same for you, even if it hurts him a little bit

He does become a bit frustrated with himself, feeling like he's pressuring you but also not being able to understand exactly what it is you want

But to be fair, neither do you

Your feelings are complicated, you feel something for him, but you're not sure if it's platonic or romantic

You want to be in a relationship with him, but you don't understand what to do or how it works, or if you're even able to have one

When you explain this to him he's a bit confused, but understands how you're feelings may be complicated

He understands that your feelings towards him may be romantic, platonic, or something that doesn't even fit a label

All he knows is that you care for him in the same way he cares for you, and he won't ever make you feel bad for your struggles or force you to do anything you don't want

If you want to try a romantic relationship, he'll take it slow with you and walk you through what he knows and wants, although he's also learning about romantic relationships along with you

If you want to stay friends, he won't complain, even if he does love you and becomes a bit upset that he can't give you romance or help you through your emotions the way you want

He's glad to still be friends with you and that the two of you are still close, having a friendship doesn't stop the care you have for each other and that he'll protect you no matter what

There is a also the possibility of a different type of relationship, you two could have something queer-platonic

Your relationship could be something that toes the line of platonic and romantic

You could still do couple-y things, but never have a full on romantic relationship

The both of you talk through what you want and make an agreement based on what the both of you are comfortable with

While Astarion may be upset he can't give you what you need, or get what he wants, he cares about your comfort more than anything, and he'd never push you into something you're not comfortable with yet

Writing for aromantic feelings is weird because this stuff gets so complicated and is different for everything, but I hope I kept it general for everyone, ty for reading and have a nice day!

#sharkboywrites #mlm #mlm blog #male reader #platonic x reader #aromantic reader #aroace reader #astarion x male reader #astarion x reader #bg3 x reader #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 fic

73 notes · View notes

am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

Note

this happened a while ago but i still feel conflicted about it. (tw: mention of germophobia, mention of suicidal thoughts) and this might get very long, so sry about that.

am i (18, F) the asshole for not wanting to try on shoes?

i know that this must sound super weird, but basically i have a pretty extreme phobia of germs and my dad (60s, M) took me spontaneously to a shoe store to buy new shoes.

now i’m also autistic, so this spontaneous change of plans was already pretty stressful for me, but i tried to hide that and pretended to be okay with that.

the thing is that i had only one “clean” pair of shoes (like clean on the inside, not the outside obviously) and like those got dirty/muddy when i was on a walk with a friend and it rained really extremely. the evening after that, i spent like an hour trying to get those shoes clean again bc otherwise i don’t know if i could’ve forced myself to ever wear them again. i did everything i could and even sanitized them like 5 times (i know it’s excessive but it still didn’t feel like it was enough). i can make myself wear them again now but it takes a bit of (internal convincing everytime and like even if i only had them on for a few moments, i change my socks and shower afterwards everytime because i just can’t handle it otherwise.

and basically my dad doesn’t really understand my mental health because i’m not good at explaining it (when i talk about this irl i always end up in tears, no matter how hard i try to suppress that and then i end up feeling bad for crying and then i spiral), but he still noticed my discomfort with my current show situation. that’s why he wanted to buy me new shoes, and rationally speaking, i was very grateful and thought it was a good idea. but emotionally, i was very distraught from the change in routine and i knew that this store was very small and that it’s basically guaranteed that all of the shoes there have already been tried on by someone.

i know that’s technically normal and not a big deal, but it’s honestly really disgusting to me and i don’t want to try on shoes that anyone else has ever worn (and especially not if i don’t know who wore them or when or how clean those people’s feet were). i knew my dad wouldn’t understand that reasoning, so i tried to just say that i don’t like the shoe brands that store has or that i want a different type of shoe or that i don’t like the design etc etc.

and then we came across the exact type of shoe i was already wearing but in black (mine were like dark purple) and my dad was like “great, you like black and you already like the brand and that specific model!” and i obviously had no excuse anymore for why i didn’t like that one. so i just admitted my actual reasoning for saying no to that and all the others.

my dad ended up opening every shoe box and i was right that all of them (in my size) had already been tried on. i really wanted to just force myself to look past that and try one on anyway, but i just couldn’t make myself do it.

i was on the verge of a panic attack tbh (i get those a lot from this phobia), but i managed to kinda keep it in check. my dad and i ended up leaving the store but i could tell that he was really annoyed and so i apologized but that seemed to only annoy him even more.

the car ride home was at first pretty awkward, then it developed into an argument where i tried to explain my phobia but i think i only made it worse on accident bc of the emotions and then we were just kinda silent at each other for the rest, until he tried to make some small talk and i fucked up (because i can’t control the tone of my voice very well due to my autism and i was still emotionally messed up), so then he got a bit passive aggressive again.

when we arrived at home, i hid in the living room (no one really ever goes there currently) and had a bit of a meltdown. i was really spiraling- like suicidal thoughts and googling for a painless suicide method because i felt like such a pathetic disappointment and failure of a daughter and human being. eventually after like half an hour, my mom came looking for me and found me sitting there, sobbing in the corner. she asked what happened and bc i felt really ashamed i didn’t want to tell her, so i said i’d explain later.

i wasn’t really able to stop crying completely that whole rest of the day. like i got some moments where i was outwardly calm, but on the inside, i wasn’t able to really calm down at all until the next day. usually my mom is pretty understanding of my phobia but not of me crying, so i was very surprised when she completely took my side after she heard what happened from my dad’s perspective.

by the time, i had stopped “hiding” in the living room, my dad had already fully calmed down as if nothing happened, but i still felt (and still feel) really bad about it, because i know he only had good intentions and i messed it up completely. my mom told me that he had offered that i could just look up some shoes online and he’d order them for me instead of going to an in-person store for that again, but i’m not sure if that was really his idea bc it sounds more like something my mom would propose. i do like that idea, but because i’m not sure if it was actually his idea, i haven’t said anything to him about it. i just feel really bad that my parents didn’t get a normal daughter, because i feel like my mental illness makes everything harder than it has to be and they don’t deserve that, but i don’t know what to do (therapy is unfortunately not an option currently).

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

76 notes · View notes

kitty-tea · 4 months

Text

We’re all weird

Link to masterlist

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader (formerly)

Hi this is my first time writing something for Harry Potter. The idea for this plot’s kind of based off a dream I had which is why some stuff doesn’t make sense. Like the setting. I know every autistic person has a different experience, so I tried to write this as similar to my own experiences as I could. Also the story doesn’t follow the main timeline of the books or movies. I don’t own any characters except reader and the four first year students.

Whether the reader is diagnosed or not, it’s open to interpretation

Summary: After you catch Draco cheating on you, you’re forced to go to a school banquet. Unfortunately you can’t avoid anyone.

Tags/warnings: ableism, internalized ableism, name calling, reader has an emotional outburst, Dumbledore being confusing, reader is autistic, social isolation, bullying, teasing, Draco being mean, pure blood supremacy, mentions of cheating, angst

You looked around the venue for an empty table. You were one of the last people to arrive, so all the tables were taken. If only you hadn’t spent the last hour overthinking and dreading this event, you could have gotten ready and arrived a lot sooner instead of grabbing one of the last portkeys that were set up at the school.

The theme of the party was for the students to dress in their house colors. Being a Slytherin, you wore an off the shoulder emerald silk dress that went down to your feet, accentuated with a slit that showed off your entire left leg. You decided to keep your hair down to use as a curtain for your face as you always did as a way to avoid eye contact.

As your eyes scanned the rows of small tables lined along the room horizontally, they met the very reason you were dreading coming here. You spotted the group of Slytherins from your year, which included your ex-boyfriend Draco and his friends, Blaise, Crabbe, and Goyle. Draco had his arm around Pansy, who looked over to you, which drew the attention of everyone else at the table.

“Look, it’s Flappy-hands.” Even through all the people talking in the room, you managed to hear Pansy’s comment referring to your habit of flapping your hands when you were happy or excited about something.

You saw Goyle get up from his seat. He started to flap his hands while jumping up and down. Even though you had a harder time reading people’s intentions, you knew he

“I can’t believe I ever dated a freak like her.” Draco was telling his friends. “She brings shame to Slytherin. Would’ve been better off as a Hufflepuff.” He rolled his eyes.

“Only because she's a pure-blood, but that doesn’t mean they should let freaks like her into the Wizarding World.” Blaise said.

“Dumbledore only made her Head Girl because he felt sorry for her. He’s the only one too.” Pansy laughed.

You knew that wasn’t the case as evidenced by your several conversations with him. Dumbledore always knew you were different from other students even before you figured it out, it seemed. When you came to him to question what made you deserve this position, he said something about how he knew you were one of the rare people who would never abuse their position, and that the extra responsibilities would help you grow as a person.

“She really earned her place as Head Girl.” Crabbe smirked before adding, “she’s the Head of the freaks.”

You were in no place to cry at the moment. You wished you could be in one of your “safe rooms” around the school where no one would be around you to bother you.

A few tables in front of the seventh year Slytherins, you spotted the table with the Gryffindors from your year along with Ginny and Luna. Every time you saw Harry Potter with his friends, you couldn’t help but feel jealous. You didn’t know why. Maybe it was because of how well they all seem to belong together, except for when they got into fights but that was normal for any friend group. Everytime you’d pass by them, you’d think about how nice it would be to be friends with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. They might as well have been friends with every Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff too. They were welcoming towards students from other houses, except for yours which made you feel left out from the rest of the school. Especially during your fifth year when you found out Harry and his friends formed a secret group called Dumbledore’s Army, and hadn’t invited anyone from Slytherin. Not only was that group in on something you weren’t, but so were your former friends. You felt like a reject in the middle.

Your thoughts were consumed by the events of the past week and the course of your overall social life.

Everything from the day Draco asked you to be his girlfriend to that time you came back into the common room after patrolling the halls and saw him making out with Pansy on the couch invaded your memories. You were completely clueless to the fact that Draco had been flirting with you for the last two years, so it was a surprise to have him ask you out and call you beautiful. Everyone in your group could see how flirtatious he was except for you.

You had years of practice of holding in your tears when something emotional would randomly pop into your mind, this should be no different, you thought.

For as long as you’ve been in school, Draco, and all the other Slytherins from your year were the only people you’ve ever hung out with. Even though you hung out with that group for years, you always felt that there was something off, like you didn’t really belong, and they seemed to think that way too. It wasn’t until you broke off from them that the insults about your differences came at you unrestrained. They’d point out every little thing about you that they found odd, most of which were things you didn’t notice about yourself.

Before you became Head Girl when you used to share a dorm with the other girls, you’d catch them whispering to each other about the little odd things about you they would notice, like how you didn’t understand when you weren’t welcome into a conversation or how there were jokes and expressions you took seriously. You didn’t know how to stick up for yourself without crying, so all you could do was pretend to sleep by using your covers and pillow to muffle your sniffles.

It was a break from your routine after you cut them off where you were left completely lost and confused. You liked routines and order in your life. It was like having the rail of the stairs to hold onto for a long time and relying on it to get you through it, only for it to be snatched from you.

After you had caught your ex-boyfriend making out with Pansy, you used the disillusionment charm to sneak into your dorm where you cried. Not bothering to change out of your uniform, you hatched a plan to get revenge on Draco the next day, to humiliate him in front of the whole school. The plan was that you would intercept him in the courtyard after class and throw all your rage at him, then yell exactly what he’d done in front of everyone. What you didn’t plan was for him and his friends to laugh in your face as they told you that he’d been cheating on you with Pansy since a month into your relationship when he wanted to give up on “dating the freak.” You thought the other students from other houses around you would defend you, but with you being a Slytherin, you should’ve known that they’d keep quiet as you ran away since you were associated with that notorious group.

You were so in your thoughts that you didn’t pay attention to which table you sat yourself at.

“Hello.” You heard a small, high pitch voice from across you. As quickly as you turned to the owner of the voice, you looked down at your lap. It was a first-year Gryffindor student. Next to her was a Hufflepuff boy, also a first-year. It had just come to your attention that you, a seventh-year student, was sitting at a table full of first-years. To your left, you saw a Ravenclaw boy and to the opposite side of you, a Slytherin girl you didn’t recognize. You knew they were first years mostly because they were wearing their school uniforms instead of the fancy dresses and suits the older students were allowed to wear. You assumed the first-years had to show up in their uniforms so that the older students would be able to distinguish the ones who needed guidance more or something like that.

“Aren’t you the Head Girl?” The Gryffindor student asked you.

“Yeah.” You forced yourself to look into her eyes briefly before you spotted the staff table at the back of the room and looked down. You had come close to making eye contact with Draco’s father, Lucius. You should’ve known he’d be there. He was the governor of Hogwarts. Besides your former group, he was the person you were dreading to see for the rest of the night. You used your fingers to brush some hair in front of your face, hoping he wouldn’t see you.

“Why are you hiding your face?” The same girl sitting across from you asked. Shielding half of your face with your hand now, you looked up at her.

“There’s someone here I don’t want to see tonight.” You whispered.

“Who?” The same girl asked, not lowering her voice.

“There’s a man behind you. He’s sitting at the staff table. He’s the blonde man next to Professor Snape. His name is Lucius Malfoy. He’s my ex’s father and the Hogwarts governor.”

“Oh yeah,” the Slytherin girl sitting to your right piped up. “I’ve seen you around a lot with your friends.”

“They’re not my friends anymore.”

“Sorry, I forgot your name. We’re all first years. We don’t really know a lot of people at the school.” The Gryffindor girl said to you. After introducing yourself, they told you their names. The Gryffindor’s name was Melanie, the Slytherin’s name was Kayla, the Ravenclaw’s name was Stuart, and the Hufflepuff was named Owen.

“Why did you and your boyfriend break up?” Kayla asked you. You would’ve thought that she’d be more informed about your house’s gossip, but seeing as her friend told you that they didn’t know a lot of people, you deduced that the four of them mostly kept to each other for company more than students of their own houses.

“I caught him cheating on me with another girl from our house. It’s because they all think I’m weird. They’ve been calling me a freak.” You stopped yourself from saying more. You did not want to start crying.

“It’s okay we’re all weird here.” Melanie said.

“Yeah that’s why we have each other.” Stuart said.

You looked up at all four of them, smiling at their apparent welcomeness towards you. You quickly realized you shouldn’t have looked up again as you spotted Lucius and Snape having a separate conversation from the rest of their table, about you probably.

“I think they’re looking at us.” Stuart tapped on your shoulder. You flinched. “Sorry, do you not like being touched?”

“Don’t you?” You asked him.

“No, it’s fine I hug my friends and family all the time.” He smiled. “You’re like my cat. He hates being touched too.” You couldn’t understand how there were people who were okay with being touched, it felt smothering to you.

Stuart left the mostly one-sided conversation to dig into his plate which gave you time to eavesdrop on the one Lucius and Snape were having.

“I see your son’s ex-girlfriend has distanced herself from her usual friends.” You could hear Snape say even through all the noise of overlapping conversations around you.

As quickly as the two participants of the conversation looked over to you, you hung your head down for the umpteenth time that night.

After a while of you taking your eyes off them, you could feel two new presences behind you, and you didn’t like it at all. You were dreading the words you predicted would come out of Lucius’ mouth should he come into contact with you tonight.

It was Snape who spoke first instead. “If it isn’t the Head Girl, hanging out with the four troublemakers I have the delight of having as my students.”

“Good evening, sir.” It was the first sentence you heard Owen say since he told you his name.

You knew if you turned around you’d see the same scowl you’d grown familiar with seeing over the years.

“Aren’t you, an eighteen-year-old about to graduate, too old to be hanging out with first years? You won’t even be there for them next year.” Snape spoke to you.

With a shaky breath, you forced yourself to look into the eyes of the two men as you turned around in your chair.

Lucius put a hand on Snape’s shoulder. “If you recall our first meeting where I, a seventh year Head Boy befriended you, a first year, you wouldn’t be so harsh on her. She’s only doing for them what I did for you.” You were confused that your ex’s father was apparently defending you.

“I’m going off what happened.” He explained.

“You’re her ex’s dad aren’t you?” Owen turned to him with a raised eyebrow. That made Lucius’ attention snap away from you.

“Did you know your son cheated on her, that’s just mean.” Kayla said.

“How dare you disrespect your elders like that.” Snape clenched his fists. “I’ll be taking ten points from the five of you each. Such disgrace coming from my own house. Unbelievable.” He scoffed.

“That’s not fair.” Melanie argued.

“Does anyone want detention?” Snape warned and everyone at your table shut their mouths.

“I was not aware you and Draco were no longer together until your teacher mentioned it. I’m usually the first person who hears from him.” Lucius said to you. “Really disappointing how you turned out, given the pure blood family you come from.”

Throughout your relationship, you thought the less time you spent with Draco’s parents, the less likely they’ll come to find out about the part of you and your personality you were desperate to keep hidden from other wizards for the sake of you seeming normal to them. And now you knew Snape spilled everything to him, every single thing that made you different that he was able to pick off you.

“Will you stop acting like a child who was caught being naughty and look into the eyes of whomever is speaking to you? As I’ve told you over and over?” You had to suppress the urge to swat Snape’s hand away as he reached down to pull the curtain of hair hovering over half your face. Now, both of your eyes were on him. Even with makeup on, your face felt naked without your hair covering it.

“She doesn’t like it when people touch her, you know. She didn’t do anything wrong.” Kayla glared at him.

He pulled his hand away from you. “That is the second time you have disrespected me tonight.” He glared back at the younger girl.

“She’s just a child, it’s understandable to have the instinct to defend someone who’s unable to do it for themselves.” It hurt that Lucius was taking a jab at your inability to stand up for yourself, something he picked up on really quick. Why couldn’t you pick up things about other people like that?

Snape’s eyes were on you again. You used a trick Dumbledore taught you where you looked at people’s forehead or eyebrows whenever you’d get uncomfortable and overwhelmed with holding eye contact. You used that trick on Snape quite often.

“As someone who’s about to graduate, you should know that the real world won’t be as forgiving of your freakish nature as Professor Dumbledore or your little friends. You know how they treat werewolves and Squibs.”

“I know.” You spoke for the first time in the conversation. You were converting your anger towards how the world had treated you into courage to stand up for yourself. At least that’s how you thought of it “The whole school actually made sure of it when they made it clear I’m not welcome here with the rest of you people!”

You didn’t have much volume control or awareness, and you didn’t know most of the people in the room heard what you said until Snape and Lucius looked around themselves. Your eyes followed theirs. Everyone had halted their conversations.

You saw Draco slap his palm against his forehead, muttering “she’s so embarrassing.”

“So is his father.” Harry whispered to his friends. You heard him and his friends snicker, but Draco didn’t.

“Yes, Draco and Harry. Your father and I are an embarrassment to Slytherin! Whatever!” You snapped at them. “Everyone should go ahead and tell each other how much of a loser I am too!” Your voice started to tremble and so did the tear running down your cheek. “About how I’ve never been truly welcomed in any of you all’s friend groups.”

“If I’d been sorted into Slytherin I would’ve known just how mental she is. Almost feel sorry for Malfoy. And I thought you were the mental one at first, Hermione.” You heard another snide whisper, this time from Ron.

“We’ll maybe if you and the whole school weren’t so closed off in your anti-Slytherin world you would’ve gotten to know me as a person and exactly how mental you think I am or am not!” You shouted at him. He flinched back in his chair. Even though he and the whole school had seen your meltdowns, this was the first time he was the subject of it.

“She’s right. If only Potter’s little friends and us ever got together, then we could all agree and talk about how weird she is.” Draco said and you took a step forward, but Snape grabbed your arm, holding you back.

“Enough!” He yelled harshly enough for Ron to sink into his chair even further.

“Severus, trust me you’ll want to lay your hand off her.” Dumbledore stood up from the staff table and walked over to you.

You didn’t think he sounded mad, but you couldn’t tell most of the time.

Snape let go of you.

“Everyone, you may go back to your previous social engagements.” Dumbledore addressed the whole room.

“Albus, she needs to be disciplined more harshly than the others. I just know she does. Look at the example she’s setting for the younger students.” Snape said to Dumbledore as soon as everyone else started to mind their own businesses.

“I’ll take care of it.” He said and looked over at you. Without any words of objection, Snape and Lucius resumed their places at the staff table, not looking back at the four students that were just talking to them. “I’d like to speak to you alone. This way.” Dumbledore said gently.

You were too ashamed of the way you acted to do anything but nod your head as you followed him on shaky legs to the entrance hall outside the room. You hated how you couldn’t seem to keep your emotions in check as much as everyone else did. It was something that other people would notice about you and call you out as being weak.

As soon as you were alone with Dumbledore, the sobs you held in exploded. “I’m so sorry, I know you’re angry with me. Blaise was right about me being a freak and how I don’t deserve a place in the Wizarding World. And Pansy said you only made me Head Girl because of pity. I tried so hard to be normal, but I can’t.”

Throughout your rambling and sobbing, Dumbledore didn’t interrupt you. Another way Dumbledore treated you different from how the adults treated you was that instead of interrupting you or trying to finish your sentences when you got stuck, he patiently waited for you to finish them yourself.

“I think Snape knows. He knows how… how much I’m not like the others. Please don’t tell him you know too. I can’t have him be… he can’t find out. He thinks something’s off about me. And he hates me for it. He’s ashamed of me and so am I.”

“I see.” Dumbledore said quietly, folding his hands in front of him. “And while I’ll respect your decision to keep some things about yourself private, I can only tell you it’s not something to do lightly.”

“What do you mean?” You were always confused when Dumbledore gave you advice in a cryptic way.

“Let’s just say one can only keep a house made up of mud for so long before it starts raining profusely.” You still didn’t understand the sayings he’d throw at you. You’d always get frustrated with figurative expressions. Why couldn’t people say exactly word for word what they mean?

“Why would I need to build a house with mud? We don’t live in that type of climate. Bricks would be easier to access where my family is from.” Dumbledore chuckled. If someone laughed at something you said it was because they were making fun of you. Dumbledore was the only person you trusted enough to know that wasn’t his intention.

“I can’t be angry with you for the person you are.” Dumbledore brought the topic back to where it was before. “When I was in school, I remember thinking everything I would learn in the classroom and the books would prepare me for what was to come in the real world. I was wrong. The best teachers are often our own experiences. And I think you and your classmates will share those same thoughts after graduating.”

“Thank you, sir.” You said. “I’ll um, get back to the party.”

“Oh, and one last thing.” Dumbledore said as you turned you were about to turn your back. “Before you leave school, I want you to always remember that you should never be ashamed to be who you are.”

“What if people don’t like me for who I am? That’s always the case.” You interjected. Even if you found people who cared for you and accepted you, you didn’t think you’d be able to do it for yourself.

“Which is why I said you should never be ashamed of yourself for your differences.” Dumbledore answered before telling you to go back into the room. You were left wondering if other people thought Dumbledore was just as much of a confusing person as you did.

Let me know what you think!

#harry potter fanfiction #reader insert #autistic reader #fanfic #draco malfoy #draco malfoy x reader #draco x reader #angst #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy x y/n #no use of y/n #written by an autistic person #bullied reader

41 notes · View notes

angelmichelangelo · 8 months

Text

so i just want to talk about the whole donnie and april thing from the 2012 series since i have a lot of thoughts on them both and need somewhere to just. get it out my system.

so off the bat im gonna say i’m pretty neutral about the april/donnie ship. i.. don’t really care for it but if it’s there it’s not gonna overly bother me. i’m pretty much on the fence for most things tmnt ship related (though, big exception for woodyangelo just cus. lol) that being said i do have some thoughts about how it was handled in the 2012 show.

as most people might agree, the writing for these two wasn’t great. i think, just in my humble opinion, that the writers kinda ping ponged back and forth depending on fandom criticism of the ship. one minute the relationship seemed to be slowly developing, a nice easy slow burn and then it’d take a sharp turn and it was back to a lot of uncomfortable pining and uncertainty as to where they would both end up. i think the writers wanted to appease both ends of the fandom here by making it somewhat ambiguous but it kinda blew up in their faces. big time.

so then you have the people who put all the blame on april for this. “she’s leading donnie on!” “she’s playing with both donnie and casey!” “she just wants the attention!” and, yeah. maybe. but here’s my defence: (bad writing aside for a moment, let’s pretend that all of this was done on purpose) april doesn’t know what she wants. when we meet april in the show it’s evident that she’s a little dorky and uncool and she doesn’t have ANY friends. she has irma but it seems to be one of those friendships built out of pure convenience. “oh you don’t have friends, i don’t have friends. cool. let’s hang out.” in every scene they have together it’s awkward and weird because they don’t really seem to click. april has like, as little social skills as the turtles. she doesn’t have friends let alone have TWO guys show her any appreciation and affection. how is she supposed to know how to deal with all that? she’s a teenage girl, feelings are complicated.

and some people might blame donnie. “he kept persisting even when she gave clear hints” “he was being a weirdo about it” “he made her uncomfortable” donnie is a teenage boy who happens to be a mutant. a mutant that lives underground and had never even MET a girl until they saved april. donnie’s only point of reference for romance is what he’s most likely seen on tv or in books. it’s that really cheesy affectionate stuff that might work in movies, but in real life is just strange. donnie has even less social skills that april. he’s only ever had his brothers and dad to talk to. he doesn’t know how to communicate his feelings properly because up until he met april, he probably never even knew what it was to have a crush on somebody

my headcanon for these two is that donnie is clearly autistic. he’s very overly empathetic towards april but can’t understand why his efforts aren’t paying off like he thinks they will. i think april being a young teenage girl with a lot on her plate, might not recognise why donnie is acting this way. ive seen a lot of people also headcanon that april is aromantic which i totally 100% love and agree with. i don’t think she recognises this in the way donnie recognises his own autism. it causes them to clash, and neither of them really understand why that is, and can’t quite communicate it to the other until they’ve figured themselves out.

a lot of people say that 2012 ruined the donnie and april friendship that was pretty strong throughout the franchise but honestly, even the 2003 show had pepperings of donnie’s slight crush on april, even back then. it’s not as obvious but it was definitely there. obviously it never got brought up, which imo is a little heartbreaking to think of poor don harbouring these secret feelings for his friend and then having to just. get over it when she marries casey but i think their friendship is still pretty special to them both that it eventually stops becoming an issue for him.

2012 donnie was a social wreck. he had no clue what he was doing and i think the writers could have done waaaay better in making that less of a fault and more of just. idk. just something that made people hate him a little less. it’s in the same vein as mikey’s adhd. i think the writing was a product of its time and that’s why mutant mayhem tackles those issues way way better than 2012 ever did.

it could also be said that donnie and april don’t even really have a lot in common, like some iterations. she’s smart but she’s not a scientist, and donnie’s crush is first of all born out of just physical looks, meaning that maybe donnie just happened to latch onto her because he felt a teeny glimpse of normality (“i could love a girl and she could love me back”) and kinda just held onto that. any of the other girls in the show, donnie doesn’t really draw himself towards but that’s because the other girls are mostly his brothers love interests and donnie is a firm believing in sticking to the bro code lmao (although maybe just from mikey’s perspective, but donnie does seem quite friendly with renet but that might have just been a 2003 callback perhaps, but they have more in common than her and mikey do)

all in all, the donnie/april thing could have been handled way better, especially with casey thrown into the mix. but is there one person solely responsible for the way their relationship played out? absolutely not. they both crossed some boundaries and both made some mistakes that backfired but like i said, they are far from perfect and looking back on their arc together, it’s a little heartbreaking to see how.. unsure they both are, of themselves and of each other. but that’s just my two cent on the whole thing.

i don’t think female characters were the 2012 writers strong point sadly and april suffered as a result but i genuinely think in her good moments, she shines. and donnie isn’t a creep, he’s just a good kid that wants to find his own happiness, even if he looks in the wrong places, both their intentions are good, i believe.

okay rant over sound off in the tags/replies what you think of the donnie/april dynamic in 2012 😎

#tmnt 2012 #tmnt apriltello #tmnt donnie #tmnt april #tmnt 2k12 #tmnt #tmnt meta #tmnt 2012 meta

54 notes · View notes

cyberr-v0id · 7 months

Text

I should probably make a proper introduction post so here goes

Hi hey hello wassup sup howdy hola hooray

My name is Hecate but I also go by *lists a ton of names because I am genderfluid as hell, can’t choose just one, have a complicated relationship with my irl name, and eventually toss aside every name I go by* here’s the link to my full name post: https://www.tumblr.com/cyberr-v0id/731097944976228352/ok-so-as-i-apparently-use-a-lot-of-names-here-are

My main blog is @cyberr-v0id but I have a ton of side blogs, because I’m addicted to cool usernames??? Apparently??? But I’m only really active on four or five of them

I use he/she/they/fae and occasionally it sets of pronouns, and I am a genderfluid, afab, asexual, lesbian oriented demiromantic. Deal with it or leave :)

I currently have a crush on one of my awesome friends because I only develop crushes on people I have a strong bond with and/or have know for a while . Aka: my friends. It can be low-key awkward but we roll

I am Romani but don’t travel because reasons and I am kinda detached from my culture, but heck of I don’t defend it till my last breath

Now onto what I am interested in ehhehehehe

I AM SO GOSHDARN TOTALLY BRAIN IN THE SAND EYES GOUGED OUT INSANELY OBSESSED WITH ODYSSEUS RN. ITS A PROBLEM. IT KEEPS COMING BACK. IS THIS A HYPER FIXATION??? IS THIS A SPECIAL INTEREST? I HAVENT BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH (oh wait I should probably put that down as information then come back to my interests)

Ok so, I have never been diagnosed with anything ✨brain wise✨ however pretty much every autistic person I have ever met has said that they think I might be as well, without me even bringing it up, including my AuDHD brother. My mother has said repeatedly throughout my lifetime comments such as ‘are you sure you’re not autistic’ and ‘that is very autistic or you maybe we should get you diagnosed’ but then she denies it if i bring it up

My dad thinks I am adhd, my mum thinks I would be add rather than adhd because I am, to quote, ‘not hyperactive like [brothers name] is’. He is a twelve year old boy. I am a fifteen year old girl. I also take apart all my pens in lessons if I don’t have something less destructible to fidget with. Take that how you will

I personally have done a lot of of research into the both, and feel that I could be either, but slightly more likely adhd

I have a weird issue with my feet where the bones are too close together in places, which means I have really clicky ankle joints, am much more likely to have my ankles roll, twist, or give way, and often my legs hurt pretty bad, and my feet as well, while walking or standing for a long time. But hey! They’re getting better finally :D

OK SO NOW MY INTERESTS

I AM LITERALLY SO OBSESSED WITH ODYSSEUS HE IS ALL I HACE BEEN ABLE TO THINK ABOUT FOR LIKE THREE WEEKS NOW, I HAVE BEEN HIGHLIGHTING HIS NAME EVERY TIME I SEE IT IN THE ILIAD, I HAVE LISTENED TO THE EPIC MUSICAL EVERY NIGHT FOR OVER A WEEK, AND THIS IS ONLY THE SECOND TIME THIS YEAR THAT MY OBSESSION HAS APPEARED. AND IT GETS WORSE BY THE DAY.

I HAVE LITERALLY SAT AND RESEARCHED HIM AT BREAKFAST, I HAVE RANTED ABOUT HIM YO EVERY MEMBER OF MY FRIEND GROUP AND MY CRUSH SO MANY TIMES, MY ENGLISH TEACHER HAS BEEN SUBJECTED TO TWO ODYSSEUS RANTS THIS WEEK AND I HAD TO RESTRAIN MYSELF FROM INFODUMPING ON ONE OF MY MUSICAL THEATRE TEACHERS.

THE ONLY THING STOPPING ME FROM CREATING ODYSSEUS FAN ART IS MY ART SKILLS

Ahem

Onto other interests:

• mythology in general but the one I know the most about and am obsessed with the most is Greek mythology

• the owl house

• Percy Jackson, obviously

• amphibia

• the inheritance cycle

• the dragon prince

• miss peregrines home for peculiar children

•avatar the last air bender

•dragon age absolution

• how to train your dragon (books, films, series)

•the wizards of once

•dragons themself as a thing

•folklore and faeries

• nimona

•Dracula

•redwall

•and a heck ton more that I cannot think of. I’ll rant about it eventually if I love it that much

The main sports I do rn are archery, paddle boarding, and skateboarding, as well as dance through my musical theatre group. Also lightsaber fighting in my street

I do art and writing and reading and acting and lots more I do a lot and then I abandon my hobbies for a while, and jewelry making and sewing and

I’ll link some more posts here that may be useful to y’all:

And remember, this blog is ran by an Odysseus obsessed teen above all else

44 notes · View notes

dank-meme-legend · 15 days

Text

Everything Under Control, Growing into Autistic Young Adulthood

I’m turning 20 this year, I live at home. I’m working through community college and planning to transfer to a four-year school.

It’s set quite clearly what my pathway is: get good grades, transfer, live at home until I graduate college.

Then, I can start to branch out into proper independence, maybe live on my own, or sort out living with my partner, something of the sort. It’ll be my decision.

I’m passive in discussing it all. In the loving words of my girlfriend, I don’t seem “too jazzed about it.”

And they’re right.

I’m passive for a reason, I’m letting it go on by me because what I want doesn’t make much sense, at least to my parents.

In a completely ideal world, I would work a library job and be able to write on the side, maybe free-lance or journaling, I haven’t decided.

But I can’t tell a person I’m an English major without the dreaded, “Oh, so you want to be a teacher!” talk (I’m not discrediting teachers, we need them! It’s just… always the first thing people think when anyone says they’re pursuing English, and my parents don’t help with that, necessarily).

I’m held back in redundant ways because I’m on the spectrum. I wasn’t trusted to cook until recently, just as one example. Recently. I’m going to be 20 this year.

I’m second guessed constantly, even about things I know as facts. My own interests are a big one, anything I say about my own special interests, my parents have my sister fact-check. You wouldn’t fact check a mechanic about cars, would you? Why are you fact checking my knowledge? (The ironic thing is that outside of my family, I’m completely respected in my knowledge. My good friend @turniptitaness jokingly calls me the Ambassador for The Politician, and while that title is said in a joking manner, I’m at least not second guessed in a thing I’m known for knowing a lot about. That’s only one example.)

I have to walk this line, too, this line between “too autistic” and “not autistic enough.” Which is hard, because I’m autistic no matter what. I’ve learned quickly that stimming or infodumping are frowned upon in my home, so I don’t do them. But that bites me in the ass because then I’m “barely autistic,” whatever that means. There’s a redundant measurement of my autism that’s been put on to me.

By other people. I don’t even get a say in my own autism advocacy or my own autistic joy, because in my house, autistic joy rarely exists. It’s only ever brought up as a negative. “Morgan struggles in school, she’s autistic.”

The writing achievements I’ve gained throughout school, for example, even when being about special interests, have nothing to do with autism. But they do, inherently. Writing an analytical paper about a special interest, recalling scenes from memory, was due to my intense passion.

It’s a terrible line to walk. I have to take pride in not having accommodations because it helps me to “blend in” more.

No one has considered whether I really care about blending in, appearing “normal.”

To a degree, of course I do. Of course I want to present myself in a respectful way.

But I, me, Morgan in my own mind, do not care if I get weird looks from people if I stim.

I don’t care if I “look autistic.” I am autistic. There is no look.

In myself, I’m proud of talking about it. I don’t want to hide it.

And I’m not going to lie, I have moments of sensory overload, sometimes bad sensory days in total. Where I wake up and can feel so viscerally uncomfortable in my own skin that I don’t want to get out of bed and become overwhelmed by the smallest of things.

But I can’t express that, either. When my disability, is disabling, I can’t talk about it.

Walk that fine line.

Everything under control.

A lot of it out of my control.

When it’s my life at the end of the day.

#autism #actually autistic #neurodivergent #audhd #how to dance in ohio #htdio #(referenced)

15 notes · View notes

pluttskutt · 1 year

Text

Okay, so, here’s the thing. Eddie knows trans people. Wait, that sounds bigoted. He has friends who are trans. Queer. Not queer because they are trans but because they identify as trans and queer. Off-topic, doesn’t matter, okay. The point is that Eddie is rollin’ with the LGBT. Not just rollin’ but identifies as gay. A homosexual. Throughout his life he’s had many identifiers—some granted to him by others such as freak—and he’s proud to be who is, which also happens to be gay so he’s proud and out. Always has been. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s always successful in his pursuits of finding true love or whatever the kids are calling it but he’s out there and he’s doing it.

Except for those rare times he falls so hard for someone it makes him a blabbering idiot and he loses every ounce of self-respect in futile attempts at making them see him because honestly, he’s pretty invisible to the guys he falls for. It sucks, but he can’t change his type and during those times he’s not doing much of anything except pining like a lovestruck puppy.

So, Eddie knows guys. The T and the B and the P and the Q and even the A. You’d think he’s golden then, right? He’s been with guys and others so he knows his way around the letter mafia. Maybe he would be golden if it just wasn’t for that pesky little detail of acting like a fool at any given moment. Like being caught staring at Steve’s chest when he’s wearing a hoodie because he’s not binding and Eddie can’t decide if it’s curiosity or horniness that makes him stare.

(This is a lie. He knows he wants to grab Steve by the counter and do things friends shouldn’t be thinking about doing to each other. Or have Steve do it to him. He’s flexible.)

Robin elbows him in the side whenever he stares, sending him a stare so cold it sends chills down his spine. “Stop being so weird around him or I’m banning you from our game nights. Man, seriously, what’s wrong with you?”

A lot, he wants to reply, but also nothing. So he stays silent, and he thanks Steve for his hospitality and food, and he wrecks them both in Mario Kart because they suck, which is astonishing because they’ve been having game nights since before he got invited.

It’s over too quickly. The match, snacks, the drinks, the night, and he has to leave with Robin because she can’t drive and they won’t let her walk home alone when it’s dark out. He helps clean up while she vanishes into the bathroom and hopes that maybe this is the night he has the guts to ask Steve if they can meet just the two of them and hang out (go on a date) but it never is and he beats himself up over it and tells himself that next time, for sure, but he doesn’t ask and doubts he ever will.

What Eddie knows, he knows well.

But Eddie hasn’t ever asked out an autistic guy before and he’s honestly afraid to do so. Sensory issues are a big part of what’s difficult for autistic people, he knows that much, and he also knows he’s a lot. He’s been told as much by guys he’s dated in the past and most of the time, his a lot is what made them end it. Talking, drama, clinginess, just too much.

“Thanks for the help,” Steve says, not looking at him but at the dishes he’s washing in the sink.

He’s so quiet it’s driving Eddie insane, which is why he can’t ask him out because he’d talk his ear off and cause him to have a meltdown because of sensory overload. Yes, Eddie read up about those. “I heard Robin won’t be here next weekend,” he says, a futile attempt at conversing. As soon as the game vanishes so does their topic of conversation.

“Mmh,” Steve grunts.

Eddie wants to scream. He’s begging the hamster doing all the legwork in his brain on that spinning wheel to think of anything to talk about but he comes up empty.

“She’s visiting her parents and I think she said she’ll be gone a week,” Steve says, just as the silence had taken over the room. He wipes his hand on the kitchen towel, lips narrowed and a scowl on his face like he’s thinking about something bothersome.

“Mhm.” Eddie pushes his hair away from his face and sticks it behind an ear, crossing his arms over his chest. He looks at Steve, watching him as he puts away the garbage from their night. “I’ll take-“

“Do you want-“

They both stop talking, watching the other. Steve smiles and brushes a hand through his hair, which he really shouldn’t have since he just tied a knot on the garbage bag. “You go first,” he says when it’s obvious neither of them dares to go first in case they cut the other off again.

Eddie takes a step closer and grabs the bag. “I’ll take that.” He walks over to the front door because the water is running in the bathroom and Robin’s one second away from joining them and wanting to leave before she falls asleep on the sofa. It’s happened once or twice. He’s pretty sure game nights turned into sleepovers regularly before he joined them.

He looks at Steve and catches his eyes before he averts them. They’re pretty to look at, but Eddie doesn’t get the chance to look into them a lot. Eye contact is difficult for Steve and he doesn’t want to push it. “You up for grabbing lunch then? I know it’s not game night but it can still be fun.”

“Yes,” Steve answers, voice certain and tone steady. He’s nodding with a smile, and Eddie wants to believe he wanted him to ask.

#steddie #trans steve harrington #autistic steve harrington #ficlet #steve x eddie #ninni writes steddie

262 notes · View notes

crimeronan · 2 years

Text

the fondest specific compliment i’ve gotten on my toh fic is that everyone swears in a way that’s very true to character. where it feels like they Definitely talk like this offscreen, like it flows naturally & isn’t jarring despite the G-rated source material

this delights me because i have spent SO MUCH time thinking about the owl house cast and how different people swear. limiting this post to POVs i’ve written but here’s a few headcanons

luz: almost never swears. if she does she’s either doing it for Maximum Emphasis or because it’s very funny in a very specific situation with very specific peers (hunter & willow. she can’t swear in front of amity or gus bc she feels like she’s tarnishing her Innocent Image). even when luz CAN say “fuck” in T-rated properties, she does in fact default to “jeez” and “crikey” and “wow” and “EAUGHHH NO OH NO EUGH NO” at all times. some people swear in their other main language around english speakers but luz is not one of these people. generally in situations where most reasonable individuals would yell “HEY ASSHOLE” or “DUDE??? WHAT THE FUCK????”...... she simply throws things and/or starts biting. That’s My Daughter

hunter: swears more than luz but still not Super Often. most common go-tos are ‘shit’ as a panicked exclamation & ‘bullshit’ as an unimpressed observation. he knows more curse words than anyone else in the show including eda because of How The Coven Scouts Are. several of the curse words are wholly made-up epithets shared by approximately ten trauma-bonded weirdo soldiers. that said, he.... legitimately does not know which muttered oaths are just weird idioms versus Actual Swears bc he’s never Needed to know. (formal speak with belos automatically removes all of these informal interjections in the first place, and no one else is gonna question how The Golden Guard talks, so.... no reason to learn.) if anyone tries to explain these nuances to him later in life he will get into an autistic shouting match about how that’s SO STUPID and UNNECESSARY and MAKES NO SENSE you DUMBSHIT MOTHERF-

eda: tries hard to tone down her language around The Chillens but swears... sssSSSO MUCH. sailor tongue ahoy the woman was raised by wolves (ie: her mom who even in her old age will still shout “YEAH RUN YOU PUNK-ASS BITCH” at randos on the street). eda says “fuck” aloud an average of once or twice in any given fic chapter but should say it more. if i ever write her alone with raine it will become 200 times per chapter because with raine she casually flips back to her high school self and all her creative teen lingos. yknow, back before she learned to be all Mature and Professional. a class act. as she rifles through heaps of garbage and develops hives at any sign of emotional intimacy

darius: theoretically swears a lot and has nothing AGAINST a very verbose “motherfucker son of a bitch dick-for-brains are you fucking SHITTING me you INCOMPETENT-” however he USUALLY uses boiling isles swears. not because he’s being censored by the writers but because a muttered “mother of titans i’m begging you to come down and cast these fucking imbeciles into the boiling sea before i lose my fuckdamned SHI-” is just. Yeah. That’s Him. darius is the guy who WOULD be saying ‘jesus h christ’ and ‘christ on a stick shift’ and ‘mother mary of god PLEASE either end this meeting early or STRIKE ME DEAD BEFORE MASS’ except. yknow, he’s got other religious figures to invoke. sidenote he’s been dying to shout “KIIIIISS MYYYY ASSSSSS” at 98% of his coworkers for 30 straight years. to the point that he sometimes dreams about it

bonus

camila: swears exclusively in french (a language in which she is not fluent) bc she doesnt want luz picking up bad language. she learned these expressions from an old friend from montreal which means that luz now has a weirdly broad knowledge of extremely rude quebecois slang without knowing any specific definitions. she just knows that these are words you recite to french-canadians if you want to start a bar fight.

#toh #luz noceda #hunter toh #darius deamonne #eda clawthorne #camila noceda #the camila one is just lifted from my childhood. idr the swears now tho its been too long since i saw my dad [pensive]#spent an unbelievably long time editing this shitpost for maximum lolz. please appreciate it

318 notes · View notes

realmermaid333 · 1 year

Text

my first autism awareness month post lol (im so late)

For this autism awareness month I want to talk about the more I guess "taboo" part of autism acceptance and the Autistic Experience TM

People say they support people with autism until an autistic person makes a social mistake and says something weird or stims in an "odd" way or does literally anything "strange". As soon as we unmask or the mask slips people no longer want to support us.

I see this a lot with social mistakes being made then people being extremely judgmental and even going as far as saying people are using autism as an excuse to make social mistakes. While this has happened before, it isn’t always the case.

A big reason why we need autism awareness is people don't fully understand what autism is.

I'll give a simplified definition: Autism is a developmental disability that impacts the nervous system. It impacts social and emotional development and common symptoms are difficulty with communication and social interaction, obsessive interests, and repetitive behaviors.

There's more to it but that's the gist. Autistic people misinterpret social cues pretty often and that can lead to small miscommunications or even huge misunderstandings. Some people with autism struggle to tell when someone's joking, some autistic people struggle to tell when a joke or comment is appropriate, some autistic people struggle to tell if they are arguing with someone, some autistic people can't tell they are hurting people's feelings unless they are told.

We are a wide spectrum. There are varying levels: level 1 (generally low support needs on most days/for most people), level 2 (generally medium support needs on most days/for most people), and level 3 (generally high support needs on most days/for most people).

I find that a lot of the time when people are introduced to the topic of autism it is from a level 1, low support needs autist who is great at masking. While those people deserve and need platforms too- I myself am a level 1 with lower support needs, though I am not very good at masking- we often ignore the level 2 and 3 autistics and those who are visibly autistic.

There may be a time when an autistic person says something that makes you upset or uncomfortable and you need to communicate that. Not everyone can tell they said something that made someone uncomfortable. I think we would all also benefit from being less judgemental when someone makes a social mistake. All humans make them from time to time, though especially autistic people and other neurodivergent people do.

I am also tired of people saying that mentioning you’re autistic after accidentally saying something that makes someone uncomfortable is using it as an excuse. It is not an excuse and shouldn’t be used as one! But it is an explanation. Understanding that someone is autistic is really good background to knowing why they may have said something. An autistic person may share they are autistic after a misunderstanding so you know it wasn't intentional and that they understand now and hope to avoid the same thing in the future.

As a lot of ya’ll are my friends, and I may be one of the only autistic people you are friends with, though only online. I want to tell you about my own social mistakes. I come across much more neurotypical online because I can overthink what I say lol. And most of the time it isn't healthy. I am so anxiously self aware to the point of self sabotage sometimes. When I am in online spaces I overthink what I'm going to say and sometimes edit and revise messages before I send them (I am trying to stop doing this). This is how I tend to avoid misunderstandings! I do get scared I'll mess up and people won't want to talk to me anymore. I shouldn't do that! But yeah, irl I have accidentally said things that people didn't like. I've accidentally made people uncomfortable because I couldn't edit and revise my words after I said them like I can when I type before sending.

This is an easy thing to do in general even for someone who isn't autistic! We've all done something like this before. But when you're autistic and you may miss the context of jokes others were making or you may entirely misread a social situation. Then you try to join in and sometimes it doesn't work or you fuck up. It happens! I've done this before many times. And unfortunately people tend to be really judgmental about social mistakes, at least in my experience. It makes being autistic really hard sometimes.

And this does not mean that you shouldn't tell an autistic person they've made you uncomfortable or said something you didn't like! That kind of constructive criticism is okay and necessary! People won't know you're upset if you keep it to yourself, especially if this is a person who reads social cues and body language poorly. This post isn't to excuse something negative an autistic person may say or say your feelings are invalid if an autistic person makes you upset. It's just to hopefully help people be more understanding.

i don’t wanna type a tldr, just read/skim i guess. but here’s a crappy one.

Social mistakes are a huge thing for autistic people and it just saddens me and makes me self conscious sometimes the harsh ways people deal with them. it can be really easy to make a social mistake for most people, but especially for autistic people, and especially in online spaces.

prepare for more of my rants & musings about autism related things

#actually autistic #autistic women #autism #autistic #autism awarness month #autism awareness #autism acceptance #disability #neurodivergent #fandom issues #fandoms #online spaces

63 notes · View notes