#I HAVENT HAD ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN OVER 5 YEARS I HAD NO IDEA IT EXISTED | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cryptidghostgirl · 2 months

Note

Hey hey! i have a third angsty silly idea teehee (yes same person who requested the one where wife reader gets teleported to the hotel and the one with the fake dating trope-)

Im at it again with my silly ideas i can’t quite get out of my head- so picture this RIGHT before the begging of the second fic (loved it btw if i could id kiss you on the mouth)

(this interaction is important) Reader is eyeing Alastor to subconsciously make him talk to her, he does of course it goes a bit like “Alastor dear, havent seen you before?” "Just moved in, thought of making some acquaintances” and they talk, reader tells him “a charmer too? should be careful around you not to break my heart” or smth smilar idk i suck at dialogue

And then the partnership happens and theyve been at it for a while (like at least 5 years id say)- until Readers twin brother dies in a planned house fire and she goes out for revenge, before that they have a fight like “youre going to be out numbered” “its suicide” blah blah blah- and eventually reader goes out alone

She does manage to to kill the criminals but because of the cold January weather and the exhaustion of it all- reader gets hypothermia and in the frenzy thats caused by it stumbles and falls into a fence spike of an abandoned farmhouse, gets impaled right below the ribs teehee, Alastor eventually finding her and goes out to bury her properly.

readers death happens in 1925 -8 years before alastor which gibes her enough time to take over half the pentagram with her blizzard/ice powers (cuz i think theyre. cool ;)) and is also important reader has a long tail with fluff (which can turn into a heart shaped fur or have happy/angry twitches) at the end because i think its cute and because her demon form has one so it matches (think the faceless room guardians by anyaboz on IG but fully white- with a void face from which emerges a dog skull at will). the normal form being overall relatively normal aside from the long ears and black limbs that symbolize the hypothermia part of the death (Yes this is an Oc but im making it a bit more generic for everyone :>)

When alastor does die in 1933 (when he got shot visiting readers grave) he hears of this blizzard overlord and goes a bit into her territory and into a bar where he sees a somewhat familiar person teehee and they have the same first conversation over again but in hell :D and then get reunited but possibly pull out their signature weapons on each other again for old times sake 😇

also i love you so much for taking the time to write my dreams it does mean quite a lot to me and if you want i can give more ideas because i have a lot more- 😇 (im tottaly not insane and or delusional i swear-)

A/N of course?? I’m obsessed with your requests. they’re always so fun. Also as a heads up, I decided not to do this as a part to for cover up because I got an earlier request asking to do a part two for that and I try to address requests in the order I receive them. I also made some other minor changes just to make it work a little smoother. Also, please keep sending in requests, yours are always so fun.

Frostbite (Alastor X Reader)

Pairing: Alastor x Reader

Warnings: Murder, death, gore, arson, a little bit of angst.

Word Count: 3,949

Master Lists:

Master Lists

Hazbin Hotel Master List

Alastor sat at the bar of Mimzy's club drinking like he did every friday night. Normally the whirling dancers and loud music merely served to give him a headache, normally he ignored them and all the fans who somehow recognized him from the radio. Tonight was far from normal, tonight there was someone new.

Spinning on the dance floor, the fringe of her blood red dress spinning out from her legs. The woman was all smiles, all laughter, and she seemed never to turn down a partner. He watched her, entranced.

The woman wasn't a talented dancer, far from it in fact, but what she lacked in skill she made up for in enthusiasm and enjoyment. He had no intentions of doing anything other than watching her enchanting display until he made eye contact with her across the club. She blushed, turning away and quickly engaging a friend in conversation.

It was all the encouragement Alastor needed. In the dim light of the speakeasy, Alastor smiled to himself. He downed the rest of his drink and got to his feet. The crowed of dancers parted to make way for him like the red sea, waves of whispers following his path. He could hear the chatter, knew the rumors that he was a man uninterested in women, uninterested in love or romantic involvements of any type He knew that that was what everyone was speaking of as he approached the first new face the tired old place had seen in ages.

Coming to a stop behind the woman, her friend saw him first. It made sense, her back was turned to him after all, a result of her embarrassment at having been caught staring. He friend tapped her shoulder, indicating for the woman to turn around, and she spun. Alastor could feel the hem of her dress as it brushed against his leg through the fabric of his pants. His smile grew.

"Haven't seen you around here before Darling," he hummed, "new in town?"

"Just moved in, actually." the woman bashfully replied, clasping her hands behind her back and crossing one foot in front of the other.

The position it threw her body into sent Alastor's mind reeling. He hadn't expected that. Sure, she was pretty and different, new, but Alastor didn't feel things like that. At least, not normally.

"Well, I'd love to give you a tour sometime. The name is Alastor, Alastor Hartifelt."

This was the test: his name. How would she react? Was she just another one of his simpering fans, begging for his favor, for his attention, or would she do something interesting?

He held out a hand which she daintily rested her own in, a smile spreading across her face.

"Y/n L/n. I'm free tomorrow morning?"

Alastor was lucky, Saturday mornings were one of the few he had free. Gently, he leaned down and planted a soft kiss on the back of her hand. Y/n felt her heart flutter inside her chest.

"Ah, a charmer." she hummed as Alastor raised his head again and she took her hand from his, "I'll have to be careful around you."

Everything had snowballed from there. The tour around the city had spiraled into dinner which had further fallen into an attempt by Alastor to take her life. He had been curious, how it would feel when the life drained from her body at the force of his hands. Instead, she had met his advances by holding her own knife to his throat.

It became a game of sorts for the two, always trying to outwit one another, one up each other, land the other six feet under. The game ended when Alastor was chasing Y/n through the woods and she had stumbled, falling to the ground. He had grinned maniacally as he had advanced on her, as she had scrambled on the ground away from him. Knife raised, her back against a tree, she had breathlessly asked him out on a date. How could he say no? Especially when he looked up and saw that she had planned this all along. There was no other way their initials could be carved into the surface of the very thing that had stopped her escape. It was perfect, she was perfect.

Five years of bliss. Five years of feathery kisses and passion. Five years of waking up to her smiling face, of washing the blood off each other's hands, of nearly wedded bliss. Then there had been the fire.

Y/n had a twin brother, a brute of a thing who always seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Despite his flaws, Y/n loved him. This time, on a January morning in 1925, he had pissed off the wrong person and gotten himself killed. Y/n was inconsolable, spent every waking moment tracking the killer. It didn't take her long to get a lead.

She was halfway out the door when Alastor found her, shoving knives into her pockets and grabbing a gun. There was a wild, unfocused look in her eyes. Alastor turned his gaze momentarily to the setting sun as it sent rays of liquid golden light bouncing off the snow.

"Darling, what are you doing?"

"Going out." she gruffly replied, adjusting the laces on one of her shoes.

Alastor sighed. Y/n had mentioned to him just the day before that she had an idea of who was behind the murder and it wasn't pretty. The most controversial and strongest gang in the city had, according to her research, wielded the flames. Alastor took a step forward, placing a hand on Y/n's shoulder and she turned to him. Her eyes were hard and narrow, her face contorted by rage.

"Y/n, please." Alastor began, treading carefully, "Not tonight. It's awful out, and you just confirmed everything today."

"No." Y/n shook her head, "No, I can't wait to do this any longer, Al. It has already been nearly a month, I can't..."

She looked away, raising a fist to her heart, her shoulders hunching slightly.

"I can't."

"And I can't loose you." Alastor quickly replied, using his free hand to turn her face back to his.

"So come with me."

He hesitated. Y/n saw the look on his face, the doubt. She shook herself from his grip, turning back to the door.

"Alright. I'll go alone."

"Y/n," Alastor pleaded, taking another step towards her as she grabbed her coat off the hook on the wall, "it is too dangerous. I can't let you do this."

"Let me do this?" Y/n spun around, her coat in her hand and flames licking at the corners of her voice, "You can't let me do this?"

Alastor took a breath, trying desperately to keep his own anger at bay.

"There are too many of them." he tried to reason with her, "You can't do it on your own."

"So come with me!"

"I..."

Y/n scoffed, sliding her jacket onto her arms. Turning back to the door once again, she unlocked it. Her hand rested on the knob, she took a breath. Their eyes met over her shoulder.

"I'll be home later."

She swung the door open and stepped out into the night. Alastor trailed after her, the snow sinking into his socks. It was cold, a terrible night.

"Y/n, you'll die!"

"Do you truly have that little faith in me!?" she spun around, her rage radiating off of her, devouring everything in sight.

Alastor had never seen her like this before. He halted in his tracks.

"Please, I can't..." he took a deep breath, emotions had always been a struggle, "I can't loose you too."

"But I'm supposed to loose my brother and know who did it and do nothing?!" she screamed back at him.

"You will die!"

Y/n turned her back on him once again. She unlatched the gate to the garden and slipped through it, letting it fall shut behind her.

"So be it."

"Y/n!"

Alastor tried to run after her but, it was simply too cold. His limbs were numb, he stumbled.

"Y/n!" he yelled again but, she didn't turn around.

He could see her, in that red dress. She looked like she did the first time he had ever met her as she disappeared into the night. He knew it was his mind playing tricks on him, it felt like an omen.

Alastor stood in the cold for a few minutes longer before resigning himself to the truth of it all: Y/n was going to do what she was going to do. He just had to hope she would come back, that the damage he had done in refusing to back her up like that wouldn't be enough to have driven her away. That she was strong enough to make it out alive.

The fireplace crackled invitingly. No matter how warm and cheerful it made the room, Alastor couldn't stop the dread. He sat down on the couch before it, painfully aware of the empty spot beside him. He tried to read.

The hours ticked by, seconds dragging on for eternity. Still, Y/n was not yet home. Alastor couldn't focus on anything. He couldn't 't read, couldn't sleep, could barely sit still. He paced circles around the room as the sun rose, he called in sick to work, intent on being there should she return.

When it reached four pm, when it had been nearly twenty full hours since she had left, he decided to go out and look for her. Y/n had always been messy, always bad at putting things away. While normally it had irritated him to no end, he now found himself grateful. He swore to whatever gods were listening that if she was alright, he would never bother her about it again because right there on top of her desk were all her plans, including the exact location of the gang's hideout, the exact place she had disappeared to.

The sight that met Alastor when he reached the old warehouse on the outskirts of the city was one he would never forget. Blood stained the snow red and there were bodies everywhere, both outside and within. It was clearly, Y/n's handiwork and he couldn't help but feel a tad impressed, he had underestimated her yet again. His slight smile, a result of the realization, fell as he spotted the footprints leading out of the backdoor.

He had tracked Y/n enough times to know they were hers, they couldn't be anyone else's. A trail of blood accompanied them, one foot dragging more than the other. Alastor tried to keep his head clear, his mind cool. He gave chase.

The back yard to the warehouse was large, gave the impression of going right off into the woods. Alastor soon realized that was not the case as the rusted, wrought iron fence came in to view. Y/n wouldn't have been able to see it. Judging by the way the tracks were iced over, it had been a long time since she had walked this path. In the dead of night, surrounded by trees, the fence would have come as a surprise.

As he got closer, the lump that he had assumed was a fallen branch came into more detail. Alastor's heart stopped, he rushed to her.

If only he hadn't waited, if only the minute he had felt she'd been gone too long he had gone after her. He might have been able to save her, to stop her from this cruel fate.

What had happened was obvious. The fence was iced over, slippery to the touch. Y/n had evidently tried to climb over it and lost her grip, the force of her fall being enough to ram the sharpened edge of one of the fence's defensive points right through her temple. Wrong place, wrong time.

Alastor had never cried like that before, as he sat in the snow at her feet, her body stiff from the cold. Not even when his mother had died could he ever remember feeling such a grief. It ate away at him, pooling in the center of his chest and spreading out. She had been so integral to who he was, so much a part of his life and way of being. She had been his dream, his end goal. Alastor remembered the ring, sitting heavy in the drawer of his night table. His tears redoubled.

By the time he managed to calm himself, the early winter sun had long since sunk to its bed and been replaced by the moon. Moving completely on autopilot, not considering his actions, Alastor wrenched her body from the fence. Y/n deserved a proper burial, in a place that mattered. He made her final resting place at the base of the very same tree she had told him she loved him while sitting at. His fingers traced their carved initials, grown hard with the years. There was nothing to be done.

The guilt ate away at him, festered over the years. If only he had stopped her, had gone with her, had come to her rescue. If only he had told her that he loved her one last time.

When Y/n awoke in Hell, to say she was surprised would be an understatement. She had never been one to believe in the afterlife in any sort of way, let alone such a wonderful one with so many opportunities for mayhem.

The thing that had been the toughest to get used to was her new form. All the demons in Hell got them upon arrival and when she caught that first glimpse of herself in the glass of a shop window, she understood why everyone on the streets seemed to be eyeing her fearfully.

She looked like she was rotting, her fingertips and toes black from the cold she had lost herself in. It trailed up her limbs, mingling with her own natural skin color. Her hair, her eye lashes, her eyebrows even, looked perpetually frosted with snow, little particles of ice hanging delicately in them. Then there were the horns and the tail, those were by far the strangest. The horns were pure white and curving like a mountain goats, the tail was thin with a little heart shaped ball of fluff at the end. It wasn't until another demon attempted to attack her that she realized the full extent of the changes that had taken place.

Y/n had just tried to punch the man, that was all. He had made advances, she had said no. He had tried again and she had told him she was married. It wasn't entirely a lie, they had been planning on it after all. Still, the man refused to listen and so, she had resorted to brute strength. When she had pulled her fist away, it was to find the man encased in ice. That was when the anger had set in.

Y/n didn't blame Alastor, not really. She was mad at him but, in the end, he had been right. She had died. It was all so brutally unfair. The way they had left things, that final fight, weighed on her soul. She wondered if he even knew she was dead, if he just assumed she had up and left him. The guilt, the what if's of it all, were crushing.

The stronger Y/n's emotions, the more uncontrollable her power. She still attacked people for fun but, taking over half of Pentagram City with her storms had honestly been an accident. In retrospect, she would call it a happy one.

Y/n liked being respected, being feared. She liked the near worship with which the smaller, weaker demons began to treat her. She settled into her new life with surprising ease and soon, every demon and hellborn in the place knew her name: Frost.

Y/n would've liked something different, preferred something cooler but, when the people give someone a name, its hard to change it and so, she embraced the title. Stone cold, cruel, powerful and appearing at what others perceived as totally inopportune moments. She locked herself, her heart, away. She swore never to make the same mistakes again.

Alastor visited Y/n's grave at least once every year. Always on the anniversary of her death, sometimes more frequently. That was where he too had met his death. As he had stooped low to place the bouquet of flowers he had brought on the surface of the hard-packed earth, the hunter had shot him, thinking he was a deer.

His arrival in Hell had been uneventful and not all together shocking. Alastor had been raised in a Christian household and although he never truly had faith in the matter once he had been old enough to form his own opinions, he had still always assumed that if there was life after death he was going to end up in Hell. He also knew that if he had ended up down here, Y/n had too.

The search was all consuming and fruitless. Every demon he interrogated, every one he thought had the slightest spark of his love within them, never had a single clue what he was talking about. Half the city was a snow storm and before long, that half was the only part he hadn't searched. Allegedly it was the territory of some new overlord known only as Frost who had taken Hell by storm - literally - just a few years before. Alastor already had a distaste in his mouth for the overlords, a sort of hatred spawned from something close to envy. He figured that worst case scenario, he could just add this Frost character to the list over overlords he had already taken out in the year since his arrival.

The chill of the air as he stepped over the border was a cruel reminder of the truth of his life. Alastor welcomed the cold with open arms, wondered if Y/n had already been killed since arriving in Hell. He had heard of the exterminations, it wasn't too wild of an idea. The thought gnawed on his mind like a parasite, intent on seeing him dead. Alastor progressed.

The fact that in death he still felt such things as hunger had been a mystery to him. There was something poetic about it, something forlorn in the idea that hunger and touch were the only things that followed a person to their grave. He stepped into the restaurant, his stomach growling, and walked up to the bar.

"Do you have beignets?"

Alastor knew the answer before the barkeep even shook his head. He sighed, falling on to one of the stools.

"Sausage and grits."

"Coming right up."

Alastor tapped his fingers on the counter, watching the world around him. Hope was running thin, anxieties and hurt taking over. He didn't know how much longer he could keep this up, how much more disappointment he could take.

"Haven't seen you around before, Darling," a voice purred from behind him, sending shockwaves of pain through his chest, "new in town?"

He summoned his microphone into his hand, ready to fight. It didn't matter that the demon most likely had no idea the effect of their words, the connections they had to his own past life. All that mattered was that he felt like he was being mocked, the world was parroting his life back to him because Y/n was out of his reach and probably would be forever more. He turned to face the person, a sickening grin spread tight across his face.

The demon had a clearing around her, the crowd avoiding her at all costs and whispering to one another behind the cover of their hands. Her tail flicked back and forth, ice emanating from the place her feet hit the floor.

There was something oddly familiar about her, the cocky smirk, the confidence. Alastor got to his feet. He leered over her and the woman didn't flinch one bit.

"Who's asking?"

A threat. The smile on the smaller demon's face grew, snow beginning to pile up on the floor in the corners of the room.

"You know, it's really far too cruel of you to go around with a voice like that." she hummed thoughtfully, a finger to her chin, "Gets a girl's hopes up just to shatter 'em on the floor."

Alastor could feel it now, the cold nipping at his extremities. Wind picked up in the indoor space and demons began rushing out through the door as quickly as they could. Alastor stood his ground.

"Ah, so you're the one responsible for this little snow town?"

"Why yes, I am."

"You're rather cruel yourself, you know." he mused, "Using my own words against me, how did you know? Do you overlords have some way to read a person's mind? Find the center of their desire and turn it to a weapon?"

Only now did the woman's expression change. Her calm facade morphed into confusion as the winds died down.

"What do you mean?"

"'Haven't seen you around here before, Darling, new in town?'" Alastor scoffed.

Y/n's eyes widened with a sudden recognition. It only fueled Alastor's anger as he took a step forward, shadows rising from the ground at his feet.

"I-"

"Just moved in, actually." the demon cut him off, holding a hand out for him to take, palm to the floor.

Alastor looked at her, disgust etched into his features.

"How could you..." he trailed off.

Eyes flicking over her form, Alastor examined the demoness carefully. Sure, she was different. She looked half dead, frost bitten to the extreme but, there was certainly something familar.

"Who are..."

His eyes narrowed with suspicion. Slowly, he took her hand in his. It was icy to the touch, sent shivers down his spine. With a practiced grace, he leaned down and planted a feathery kiss on the back of her hand.

"Ah, a charmer." Y/n smiled as he raised his head to hers again, "I'll have to be careful around you."

"Y/n."

It wasn't a question, he knew the answer. Alastor could feel it in his bones.

"Alastor."

She threw her arms around his neck, pulling him close. Alastor watched her movements in astonishment. Disbelief laid thick on his body, too heavy to allow him to move.

"I'm so sorry." she whispered into his ear, her breath a cold breeze.

"I... why are you sorry?" he asked, pulling her away from him.

Alastor placed his hands on her shoulders, brushing off a bit of snow that had landed there with utmost care.

"I'm the one who's sorry. I should have come with you, I shouldn't have said the things I said, I sh-"

"I love you."

She couldn't hold the words in anymore. Icicles of tears tinkled like glass as they fell from her cheeks and landed on the floor.

"I... I love you, Alastor. I can't... I always regretted... I..."

"Me too."

He pulled her back into his arms, this time holding her body tightly to his. The cold burned but he didn't care. The whistling of the wind outside seemed to quiet.

"I love you so much, Y/n. I am so sorry."

"I'm so sorry."

Y/n pulled back, cupping Alastor's face in her hands.

"Never again."

"Never what, my love."

"Never again will I be parted from you."

"I thought I'd never see you again." Alastor admitted, "I was beginning to lose hope."

"Me too, me too."

"Never again."

----

Next Part -> Day Lilies (Alastor x Blizzard demon!Reader x Angel!OC)

A/N I am such a little slut for a good reunion scene.

256 notes · View notes

bingwriterxo · 10 months

Text

distant

pairing: vada cavell x reader

summary: in which you weren't at school during the shooting but your girlfriend was, and the trauma that it left her with caused her to practically disappear from your life

warnings: talks of school shooting

word count: 1800+

author's note: the very first vada fic i ever wrote (posted to my wattpad back in december) but someone requested something similar (find here) so i thought i'd throw this up here

"Hi, Mrs. Cavell," you said timidly as the woman opened the front door to her home. Her eyes widened at the sight of you--messy hair, dark eye bags, heavy eyelids--as she welcomed you inside. You were no stranger to her: she knew that you and Vada had been dating for nearly a year now. However, this version of you was one that she had never seen before, and she had seen many versions of you over the course of your relationship with her daughter.

"Y/N, are you okay?" she asked as you took your sneakers off by the door, unlacing them so slowly that she almost thought you had fallen asleep where you stood.

"Is Vada home?" There was almost no emotion in your voice. You just sounded...tired. The woman had become used to your high-energy personality, never surprised when you were running around with Amelia or making Vada dance with you in her bedroom. She couldn't help but hope that you were alright.

"She's at Nick's right now, but you're more than welcome to wait in her room, if you'd like." She checked the clock on the wall. "She shouldn't be gone for too much longer." You nodded, accepting the woman's suggestion and heading towards Vada's bedroom. "If you need anything, just let me know," Mrs. Cavell called out after you. You gave her a thumbs up before disappearing inside.

You gratefully laid down on Vada's bed, inhaling the girl's scent that lingered on her blankets. You hadn't seen her in a while--over two weeks and counting--and you missed her, so being in her bed felt as though she were enveloping you in a hug, though you did wish you had the real thing.

You opened your phone, shooting your girlfriend a text to let her know that you were at her house, before going on TikTok, trying to pass the time. None of the short videos seemed to entertain you, though, so you resolved to just take a short nap. However, a single text erased this thought from your mind completely.

Nick Feinstein (5:46pm): do yk where vadas at? havent heard from her in a while

You shot up, eyebrows furrowing at the question. Didn't Mrs. Cavell just say that the brunette was at Nick's house?

You (5:46pm): her mom said she was at urs???

Confusion and fear swirled in your stomach as you went to your girlfriend's contact, pressing the call button. You listened as the phone rang, anxiety beginning to creep through your veins. "C'mon, Vada. Pick up, pick up." However, the girl didn't answer her phone, leaving you with her voicemail message. "Uh, hey, Vads. Just wondering where you are...your mom said you were at Nick's, but he just texted me asking me where you're at. Uh, call me back when you can? I love you." You hung up the call, hoping that she would return your call soon.

Nick Feinstein (5:47pm): nope

Nick Feinstein (5:47pm): havent seen her in a few weeks

You (5:50pm): just called her

You (5:50pm): every time i've asked her to hang out the past two weeks she always said she had plans with you...

Anxiety settled in your stomach at the idea that your girlfriend had been lying to you. Who was she really hanging out with? Why did she not want to see you? What was happening?

Nick Feinstein (5:52pm): think she's been hanging w that girl recently

Nick Feinstein (5:52pm): mia reed

Could Vada be cheating on you? You pushed that thought aside, hoping for a different outcome, but it continued to nag at your brain. Had she grown tired of your relationship? Had she grown tired of you?

Nick Feinstein (5:53pm): instagram.com/miareed/ here's her acct

You clicked on the link, ignoring the fact that your hand was shaking, and the girl's instagram account popped up. The most recent photo immediately made you nauseous and you dropped your phone, scurrying backwards on the bed as though the object had burned you.

liked by vada_cav, nickfein.stein, and 1,246 others

miareed love her fr

tagged vada_cav

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vada_cav love u fr

↪︎miareed <3

hasland_quinton yw for the pic

↪︎miareed much love

↪︎vada_cav grateful

Even if Vada wasn't cheating on you with Mia Reed, their relationship was a bit too close for comfort for you. They were almost kissing in the photo, and while her caption could have been platonic, it sure didn't give you 'just friends' energy.

A ding brought you out of your thoughts and you crawled to the edge of the bed, looking at your phone. There was a message from Vada, so you hurried to pick up the device, unlocking it to see what your girlfriend had to say.

Vads <3 (6:01pm): wont be home till late

Vads <3 (6:01pm): dont stay

The message felt like a stab through the heart. She must have been with Mia, and you couldn't help but imagine what they were doing: were they on a date? were they making out? were they doing something worse? Tears stung at your eyes as you turned your phone off. However, instead of listening to your girlfriend--was she still your girlfriend?--you buried yourself into her bed. You needed to confront her when she got home. If you didn't, you weren't sure when you'd get the chance to talk to her again.

* * *

The covers were forcefully ripped off of you and you sprang awake, eyes squinting beneath the harsh overhead light. Vada stood in front of you, blanket in hand, eyebrows furrowed, nose flared.

"What are you still doing here?" she asked. You flinched at her tone, sitting up so that you could really look at her. She crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for a response.

"I..." Was this a bad idea? Would this be the end of your relationship? "We need to talk." She didn't say anything, just merely gestured for you to keep talking. "Are you cheating on me?"

"What?" She looked offended, as though she couldn't understand why you would ask such a thing. You watched as she took a step forward, arms reaching towards you, before taking a step back: she couldn't figure out what to do. "No! I'm not cheating on you, Jesus!" She took the defensive route, and you couldn't say you were surprised.

"I saw Mia's post," you began. Her jaw clenched, an action that you would usually find attractive instead caused more anxiety to race through your bloodstream. "It didn't seem...it just...it looked wrong."

She shook her head, scoffed, brought a hand to her forehead. "Jesus fucking christ! Mia's just a fucking friend. What, I can't have friends now?" she yelled. You stood up from her bed, unable to stop the tears that had begun to fall from your eyes.

"Of course you can! But you've been lying to me about where you've been and then suddenly you're hanging out with one of the most popular girls in school! If you had nothing to hide, you wouldn't have lied to me! Or Nick! Or your fucking parents, Vada." Your voice cracked as you spoke, spit flying from your mouth in anger. Your girlfriend stayed silent, just staring at you. "You know what? Forget it. You clearly don't want to talk about this."

"Thank you!" She fell face first onto her bed, signaling that she was done talking to you in general. Awkward silence encased the room as thoughts circled your mind, with one becoming too prominent for your liking.

"We should break up," you whispered into the empty air. This got the girl's attention. She pushed herself off the bed, turning towards you, and you finally saw some resemblance to the Vada that you knew.

"What are you talking about?" Her voice was small, afraid that you had actually meant the words that just left your mouth. She didn't want to lose you, didn't know she could lose you. She thought you two were solid, that nothing could change that.

"I haven't seen you in over two weeks, you've been lying to me, you didn't even want to see me today." You listed your grievances quietly. You didn't want to break up with the brunette, but hearing everything you were saying, you understood that you might have to if she didn't offer an explanation. "Do you still want this?" You gestured between the two of you.

"Of course I do. I love you, Y/N." You could hear the truth in her voice, but that wasn't enough for you to just forget about everything that had happened recently. You weren't going to forgive her just because she loved you.

"Then I need an explanation." Vada glanced down towards your feet, her hair forming a curtain around her face. You reached out, a single finger beneath her chin as you forced her to look at you. "Please, Vada."

She nodded, gesturing towards her bed. You took a seat, sitting cross-legged as she sat across from you in the same way. Vada took a deep breath, preparing herself to tell you what she had been keeping hidden. "When the shooting at school happened, Mia and I hid in a bathroom stall together." Just saying the words made her think of that horrible day, but she continued, for you. "I thought--I thought that I was going to die in there with her.

"She ended up texting me a day or two after it happened. She wanted to make sure that I was okay, so we started hanging out. Honestly, she has no one there for her: her dads are away a lot and she doesn't really have friends, and I felt for her. I knew I wouldn't have wanted to be alone after this, and I wanted her to know that she had someone in her corner. And it was nice, being able to talk to her about it, to tell her about how afraid I was to go back to school, to tell her how I was afraid to do most things.

"I--I should've told you that I was hanging out with her, I know. That's not something I should have hid from you. It's just...I felt like I couldn't talk to you about how the shooting affected me because...well, you weren't there. I didn't know if you'd understand, and I didn't want to give you these feelings."

"Vada..." You reached out for her, pulling her into a hug. Her tears, which had begun midway through her explanation, soaked your t-shirt, but you didn't care. You just wanted to be there for the girl. "You can talk to me about anything anytime you want, alright?" She nodded into your shoulder before pulling away.

"And I'm sorry I've been so...mean...recently. I just have a lot of feelings that I'm working through right now, and I took them out on the people close to me, and I'm sorry," she apologized.

You nodded, smiling softly. "It's going to be okay, Vads. I promise."

"I love you, Y/N."

"I love you, too, Vads." You pulled her in for another hug, rubbing her back softly as she wrapped her arms around you, more than grateful that you were there at that moment.

#vada cavell x reader #vada cavell #vada x reader #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega #jenna x reader #the fallout

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cupoftaae · 1 year

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Forever and a day (KTH x READER) series♡ silent treatment cant last forever (chapter 5)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 4.1k

chapter warnings: swearing, tae is struggling :( kaito is a fucking LOSER and does a bad thing. literally all I can say is SORRY in advance !! mentions of domestic violence and abuse. Quick mention of pregnancy

A/N- I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, I have most of these already written out, but I like to take time and add ideas as I go along. I kinda came up with a plot twist that will eventually play out, just dont hate me. What can I say? I love angst. ALSO- chapter 6 will be out this weekend possibly, if not, then monday ;) just a treat bc ily guys

"he's such a fucking dumbass" Kaito scoffs and takes a sip of his wine, collapsing back onto the couch next to you. You remained quiet as he ranted after you told him about the night you had.

Immediately after coming back to the apartment with taehyung, you two ended up fighting again. Something about him being childish, you being self centered, him being nosey, and you not being the old you. What does that even mean? You havent changed at all, its him who is always starting these fights.

after that, you packed a bag and ran over to your boyfriends house. It wasnt where you wanted to be, exactly, but you needed a place to hide.

"I dont think he is a dumbass, I just think....hes....i dont know? having a midlife crisis?" you shrugged, leaning into your boyfriends touch.

"midlife crisis....at the ripe age of 23 years old?"

"yeah, I think he is always comparing himself to me, and hes confused about who he wants to be. He wishes he stayed in college so bad, he even signed up for this little credit art course they ha-"

"art??" kaito laughed covering his mouth for a moment

"yeah" you turned around to look at him

"so he thinks finger painting will help him snap into being an adult?"

you stared at him, scrunching your face up in thought. Yeah, you kinda poked at tae and made jokes, but you didnt mean any harm deep down. Maybe you dont understand his little desire to paint away his feelings, but watching kaito laugh about it is different, because he means it. You suddenly felt guilty for talking about him behind his back, even if he was a dick for yelling at you a few hours ago.

"he enjoys it, its kinda cute. If its helping him back onto his feet then who cares...its not like he quit his job or anything, kaito."

"cute? more like immature"

"hey, cmon, leave him alone"

"you cant seriously be defending him"

"I just dont like talking about people behind their back, you know?"

"whatever" he scoffed, taking a sip of his drink before pulling you onto his lap. "wait..." he stopped, thinking before laughing. "I thought....I thought you said you were sick?"

Your heart stopped the minuet he spoke, how could you forget your own fucking lie, more importantly, how is he just catching this?

"Oh I was feeling better, mhm. This morning I felt like shit but I figured it would be better to suck it up and go to the dinner anyways, should have stayed home!" you blurted out and got off his lap, standing to your feet.

"right" he eyed you, standing up as well as he put his drink down. "well....do you wanna go to bed?" he asked, doing that stupid smirk face that made you somewhat angry.

"uhm, well, yeah, but im really tired kai, also im still not feeling 100% you know? so, maybe we should sleep. just..sleep." you nodded quickly and turned around on the ball of your heel, only to be yanked around by the wrist.

Your eyes widened in shock at the sudden action from him, heart pounding in your ears. Was he drunk? who knows, but that was not an ok thing to do regardless.

"let go of me, what the fuck?" you breath out, trying to tug your hand out of his tightening grip.

"you arent lying to me about Taehyung right?"

"what? What are you talking ab- let go!"

"you wouldnt lie to avoid me, right? you and him arent doing shit behind my back?" he asked, anger in his voice, something youve never seen.

"No! theres nothing!! I promise, I was just sick and, kai you are scaring me please!" you whine, mad at the tears that showed up so quickly. He saw your eyes and immediately let go, making you yank yourself backwards quickly, allowing the tears to fall as you hugged yourself.

"oh my god, im so sorry baby, I didnt mean to d-"

You both looked down at the mark left on your wrist from his grip

"shit, im so.....im so sorry, y/n, listen-"

"get away from me!!" you yelled, "Im sleeping in the guest room, d-dont come in, sober the fuck up and dont touch me again, I swear to God..." your voice shakes as you spoke, aware that if he really wanted to, he could hurt you again.

you saw regret in his face, but it didnt matter. jealousy has always been an issue for him, but its never shown like this....it was scary.

you turn quickly to run upstairs, hiding in his guest bedroom and locking the door, you wanted to leave but also didnt have anywhere to go exactly. You promised to meet up with your friend Dahyun tomorrow for lunch, so you would have to ask her to pick you up earlier.

kaito looked at the wine glass that had spilled without him even knowing, sighing and sitting with his face in his hands instead of going after you.

Taehyung woke up the next morning in the same state he had fell asleep: mad, clothed, dirty, and missing you.

He knew he was fighting you when it was happening, but there was just an overstimulation of emotions that had over poured, and unfortunately, you happened to be the punching bag.

He made a mental note to call his parents and explain later as he walked into your room. you were still not there. Given the things he said, you doesn't blame you, however he would like to apologize.

He walked into the kitchen and looked at all the food, well, more like ingredients for meals he doesnt know how to make. You said something last night to him about him needing to depend on you with everything, including meals. It hurt, but it was right. He sighed and closed the fridge, moving to go sit on the couch in the quiet apartment before opening his phone to his social media’s.

He hated to see other people and how well they were doing, but he found himself online more often then he used to be, maybe it was to inspire or motivate him, he wasn’t sure. He scrolled across Annie’s art page, stopping to pay extra attention to one post in particular.

She was good, her art was something people would pay money to see, he understood why she would be in all the art classes she could find. The post showed her setting up at the banquet hall a few streets down, something about an art fair. Tae smiled and like the post, wanting to know more about it. He contemplated dming her, eventually just giving in and doing so.

Taehyung: hello Annie, it’s taehyung, you probably know that because you can see my name, anyways, I saw your recent post and was wondering what you were setting up for?

He tapped his phone with his fingers, feeling odd to text someone who wasn’t, well, you.

He was surprised to see her answer quickly

Annie: hey tae :)) i was hoping you would text soon enough. I’m setting up for an art festival at the Julie banquet hall! You should totally come if you aren’t busy :0!!!

He laughed and bit his nail, suddenly hearing your voice in his head telling him not to do that...bad habit.

He texted back

Taehyung: when is it?

Annie: it’s being held this entire week for a viewing, but next weekend there is a contest....winner gets a prize!

taehyung smiled and looked around, that could be huge for him. Maybe this was the universal sign from the universe he needed, a sign that his rash decisions were actually working out for him. He knew he probably wouldn’t be able to go down today, for obvious reasons other than the fact he needs a shower.

He also needed to prepare something worth winning, and that required time.

Taehyung: oh wow...that sounds really interesting. I’ll probably be down later this week, thanks for letting me know.

He tossed his phone to the side and began to head for his room, knowing that he wouldn’t leave until he created a masterpiece.

As fun as this was, he had to admit, it was a good distraction from you.

"How come kai couldnt just drop you off?" Dahyun looked over at you, taking a bite of her sandwich. "well, he was a bit hungover, he had a lot to drink last night" you cleared your throat, sipping your water.

It had been a while since you and your friend saw eachother, and going out for lunch together was nice, a step away from all the boy drama going on. You were in college, and you just wanted to do normal stuff and leave the high school shit behind.

Dahyun sat back and looked you over, concern on her face. "sweetheart are you alright?"

"why wouldnt I be?

"because you look like shit, in the nicest way. Have you been sleeping?"

you laugh, looking down at your hands, "yeah, ....well, no"

"mhm, whats going on?"

"tae and I got into a fight last night, and it was just really annoying because we are always fighting nowadays, I hate it."

"is that why you were at kaitos?"

you nodded, eyes looking out the window. "I should have just stayed at the apartment though. I hate to admit it but I kinda miss him, he hasnt texted me" you sighed and re-checked your phone.

"hes a grown man, y/n, he can handle shit"

you looked at your friend, quick to remind yourself that they dont see the true venerability of taehyung like you do, they dont know that he's just emotional and feels things differently than others, so as much as you hate to say it....he cant take care of himself.

"mm" you shrug, taking a bite of a fry. "lets just talk about something else?" you suggest

"okay, let me think...." dahyun smiled to herself, searching her brain for something to talk about. "Oh did you hear about chae?" she suddenly spoke up

"no, what about her? is she ok?"

"dude she had such a pregnancy scare, she called me 2 nights ago because she was fully convinced she was preggo....shes not though so its alright" she shrugged

your eyes widened at your friends words, "what?...how did I not know this? why didnt she call me?"

"well, not to start anything but...we kinda have been calling and texting you, but you dont seem to have time anymore, which is perfectly fine, but we miss you."

you slumped down into your seat, food on the plate in front of you has now gone cold and unedible. "I dont know, man. Life is so messy right now, theres just so much going on. I miss you guys like crazy, we need to plan like a sleepover or a girls weekend." you suggest, leaning into the palm of your hand sadly.

"hey, y/n, just breathe, everything will be okay. If you are free next weekend I know a friend of mine is throwing a really fun party, i'll text you the info if you are down to go?"

you smiled hopefully, not that you were the super most outgoing person on campus, but the idea of going to a party with other kids seemed like a set up to meet some new people.

"Dahyun that sounds really fun, yes please send me the info, is chae going?" you ask, pulling out your phone

"mhm, yep...but we are gonna have to keep her with us because her boyfriend is going...well now ex boyfriend considering they broke up over this whole 'almost pregnant' scare, and-"

you quickly shut out your friends voice as you checked your socials, suddenly coming across a photo taehyung had posted on his story of a painted canvas, seemed normal enough, except the fact someone was there with him. at your apartment.

you whip your head up, "I think I have to go, im sorry, uh, something just came up and I need to get home, but uhm, you'll have to text me about nate and chae!" you spoke quickly, grabbing your purse and standing. "Thank you for having me out, I really needed it. Dont forget to text me the party details!!" you sing as you hug her and make a dash for the door.

You exited the elevator and made your way down the hall quickly, searching for your keycard in your over packed purse before bumping into someone and falling to the floor.

"ow? hel-, oh.." you quiet down when your eyes meet the person waiting outside your apartment door. kaito.

"What are you doing here?" you quickly stood to your feet and brushed past him, still searching for the key.

"baby, you havent answered my calls, we need to talk about last night. Im so sorry, I never meant to make you feel unsafe, im going through so much and I just....I just, I dont know what happened, but im so sorry!" he rambled quickly, touching your back and making you stop your movements.

"kaito..."

"i know, im so sorry, i suck and im an asshole and you probably hate me, I would too"

you sighed as your hands fell to your sides, turning to face him. "you....you arent an asshole, dont say that." you breathe out, grabbing his hand "just promise me you'll cut down on the drinking or something...I dont wanna see that again." you felt guilt throughout your chest as he looked down.

"I promise, baby, I will"

you pulled him into a hug and squeezed him, rubbing his back and moving to kiss his cheek. "head home, now, please" you whispered, watching his face fall.

"wait why? I was hoping we could hang out or make food or something?" he gestures towards your front door. "hm, Im sorry kai, maybe after classes sometime this week, I have to handle something right now...you know how he is" you quieted your voice at the last part, watching your boyfriend nod.

"okay....just, uh, text me ok?"

you smiled and nodded, "of course"

once he made a turn for the hall, you placed your keycard into the door and walked into the apartment to see Annie and Taehyung in the kitchen. You usually werent too keen on having random people in your house, you and tae promised to not invite others there without letting eachother know.

"y/n..." tae turned and saw you, making annie stop whisking whatever was in the bowl she held.

"tae" you nod, waving quietly to the short girl behind him. "didnt know there was something going on today" you joke, putting your bag down and walking in with arms crossed over your body.

"I just invited her over because it was a little too quiet over here" he joked, looking at her and smiling.

"ah I see" you smile and lean against the island counter. "what are you guys making?"

"apple pie" annie cheerfully responds, moving to her phone to change the song that was playing

"oh, yummy" you awkwardly reply, somewhat angry that she was in your kitchen and took it upon herself to use your ingredients that you bought yourself.

"tae, can we talk?" you turn to him, talking quietly.

"yeah..." he looked over at annie, "ill be right back"

she replied with a thumbs up before returning to her baking, reading the recipe off tae's phone.

You led him into your room before shutting the door and leaning against it, the boy looking back at you like he was expecting to get yelled at. "I'm sorry" you exhale, "For the other night, I dont wanna keep doing this with you" you shrug

"I dont wanna fight with you either." he spoke simply, biting the inside of his cheek nervously.

"I dont...I dont really know whats been going on with us but I rather just sit and be your friend than your enemy, you know"

he nodded, "you are right, and Im sorry too, all that shit I said, I didnt mean it, It was out of frustration which still isnt okay bu-"

you cut him off with a hug, "its okay"

he took a moment before wrapping his arms around you in return, "Are you mad she is here?" he whispered, "no...just wish you would have texted me...."

"i know, im sorry" he shook his head, sighing. "um, also, my parents called and I explained kinda the situation simply and they seemed to understand somewhat. I spoke honestly with them about how their words effected me and shit, and they said they would try to stop...well...mostly my mom will try to stop" he laughed, making you smile.

"they want us to go over to their house before they go back home, sometime later this week. I know you have classes and stuff but even if its just for one night over there, ill drive you to school in the morning if you need" he added.

"okay, we will work it out, im proud of you for sticking up for yourself" you laughed softly, making him look down shyly. "did you take your medication today?" you remembered to ask suddenly

he looked up at you and pressed his lips together before hesitantly shaking his head, "uh...I forgot.."

you sigh, "okay, lets go take it" you grabbed his hand and went back into the kitchen, brushing past annie to get to the medicine cabinet.

You took notice of how the girl eyed you and your hand against his, making you smirk to yourself. Even if you and tae were just friends, you knew no one would ever be able to squeeze between you both, not kaito nor annie.

"here, bubs" you whisper, handing him his pill and a water bottle

"whats that?" annie spoke up, cutting up apples on your good cutting board you didnt even get to use yet, making your eye twitch.

"allergy meds" taehyung spoke up, taking a sip of water as you look back at him with sympathetic eyes, his face telling you to just not say anything. His ADHD was something he assumed he should be ashamed of, something people would always use to blame his behavior on.

He didnt want to be that, he just wanted to be Taehyung.

Annie nodded and patted her hands on her apron before moving to the next thing, engaging in conversation with taehyung. "so what were you saying before she came in?" she asked, catching you off guard as you threw your hands up and walked over to tidy the living room area.

"Oh I was just talking about the art thing and how-"

"tae.." you stopped fluffing the pillows to turn to him, making annie sigh as you once again interrupted their conversation.

"what?" he looked around, confused.

"why arent you working? todays a work day?"

"oh, uh-...."

Annie smiled, "I didnt know you had a job, where do you work?"

Tae looked between the two of you before speaking up, "well...I used to work at this buisn-"

"used to? you got fired??" you walked over and held his arm

"no no....I quit, like....last week" he huffed, seeming relieved to get it off his chest. "tae, why did you, what?? why would you do that?" you looked at him seriously, knowing that there was no income for you two anymore.

"because I plan to apply for college again, I have a whole thing in the works, y/n, I promise, I didnt just do it on a whim" he spoke quickly

"y/n, he can handle himself" annie sarcastically spoke with a smile

"kindly leave please, him and I need to talk" you finally looked back at her, making her plead to taehyung.

"what? but we were doing something!" she puts the rolling pin down when tae shrugged, "im sorry annie, ill text you okay?" he walked her out before apologizing again and shutting the door.

"well aint she the sweetest" you scoff and collapse on the couch. "come here please" you spoke calmly, wanting to approach this correctly. Taehyung walked over slowly and sat on the couch next to you, keeping his body close and away from you.

You took a deep breath in and looked at him, "tae, honey, why did you do that?"

he shrugged, sighing.

"look at me"

he turned his head around to you after a few seconds, revealing the tears in his eyes. "tae..."

you are quick to wrap him into your arms, "its ok, im not mad. I just wish you told me, everything makes more sense now" you mumble

"Im sorry for not saying anything, I was just so unhappy working there and I just had to leave" he chokes out, face hidden into your shoulder. your hand finds his hair as he gently pulls away.

"i'll find a side job or something, but I really am serious about this school thing" he quickly muttered as you wiped his tears.

"Its okay...I can probably pick up tutoring for Mrs.Chin again, she pays well and if I do it after classes everyday it'll probably be enough to sustain rent" you sigh, rubbing his arm.

you watched as the boys face was filled with regret and sadness, making your heart split in two. "dont tell my parents, please" he whispers

"no...of course not" you smile lightly, "ive learned my lesson"

Taehyung laughed and leaned back against the end of the couch, head looking up at the ceiling. "so....we can talk more later if you like, but for now lets go finish making that apple pie" you leaned into him jokingly, making him laugh.

You two got up and walked into the kitchen "why did you let her use my cutting board" you pouted

"im sorry" he smiled shyly "If it counts, I know nothing about how to bake, and if I was the one making the pie we would all be food poisoned."

you laughed, "i'll teach you"

You two sat in Taehyungs bedroom, both eating a slice of apple pie as he played some game on his Xbox, you watching.

"so..." you began, scarping your fork on your plate. "art, huh?"

he paused his game and turned to you, smiling, "what?"

"youre passionate about it?"

"yeah, I suppose" he shrugged, watching you get up and walk over to his desk. "I saw these on instagram, they are actually quite nice" you added, eyeing them over as he came up behind you. "yeah, those were just some doodling to be honest." he itched his neck.

"but uh, im working on something big. Can I show you?" he spoke, watching you nod before pulling a canvas from his closet and placing it down.

The sketch included an empty, bare forest of trees in the center of a town square, details to a perfect ten on even the smallest things. "Its not done, not in the slightest but..."

"woah.....holy shit tae, you...wow" you were actually in awe. You knew he liked art, but this was beyond anything youve seen from him, it genuinely made you feel something. "this is really beautiful, is this pencil work?"

"thank you" he mumbled shyly, a blush on his face, "yeah, its pencil, I plan to add color to everything but the tree, itll remain black and white." he spoke, looking it over himself.

"does it mean anything?" you pondered aloud.

"well...its like this, trees lose everything they have in the winter, no leaves no flowers, nothing, right?" he spoke as you listened, "yet they still are just...there, while everything continues to progress and move around them, because they know if they wait, whats theirs will grow back."

"wow...." you said again, truly speechless by his work. Clearly you underestimated him, because this is beyond anything youve seen.

He looked at you lovingly before clearing his throat and putting it away again, "yeah... its for this art contest that Annie told me about. Winner gets like, a cash prize, im not sure how much, but it doesnt matter because they also win a trip to a really cool art museum in Paris" he looked back at you.

"Paris?...wow tae, I have no doubts you will win this"

"dont jinx it" he teased, walking back to his chair.

you put your hands up in defense, giggling. "so is it an art show?" you asked, following him

"yeah, I was actually gonna ask if you wanted to come....the exhibit is all this week and I plan on going on friday....was gonna ask if you'd wanna come with?" he spoke quietly, hopeful tone evident.

"hmm..I would love to" you smiled and grabbed his plate to clear, heading towards the kitchen

"oh, also...." he sat up, making you turn to him. "whats up?" you ask,

"I know this is kinda odd, but would you mind if you just...like, slept in here tonight?"

your eyes widened at him, making him feel like he overstepped

"I shouldnt have said that im sorry, I just didnt sleep last night and I always fall asleep quickly with you"

you giggled quietly, "no its okay, ill sleep here alright?" you watched his face light up , nodding

"thank you..."

"what happened to your arm?" tae asked as you climbed into his bed and shut the light off.

"what do you mean?" you were confused, sitting the side opposite of him. Taehyung pointed to your wrist, oh...yeah, that.

"oh I burnt myself, curling iron. wasnt paying attention" you sighed as he frowned. "be careful, ok?"

you nodded, "ok"

once you both were in and under the covers, the silence was welcoming. To be fair, you slept best here too, and the last time you laid here the circumstances were completely different, so it was a bit weird.

You laughed to yourself when you heard his soft snores after a few minuets, he wasnt joking. you lifted your arm and raised your fingers across your wrist.

be careful

there was so much to be careful about, and if only he knew the full extent of it.

You looked over at the sleeping boy next to you before turning to your side and closing your eyes, allowing yourself to just be here, in his bed, in this very moment, because it gave you the safety and comfort you needed so badly

be careful .....

taglist-

@turnthepageandbeburnt

@taebangtanbabe

@kthstrawberryshortcake-main

@borahaexoxo

@lelefoodlover

@tan-veee

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hopecountyisforlovers · 8 months

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my biggest problem w the season 5 finale is that guillermo deciding he doesn't want to be a vampire because he somehow didnt realize that being a vampire meant killing people - something he certainly already knew having fed nandor and the others for 13 years, and absolutely had no problem with before this episode unless he personally knew the victim + being a well established vampire slayer regardless is just about the stupidest plot thread ive ever seen in anything ever. it completely assasinates the character theyve shown him to be since season ONE !! like did none of the many many vampires you killed use fucking shampoo?? give me a break. seriously. give me a fucking break. its nonsense. "oohhhh i cant eat him i thought of him as a person i'm not ready" it's bullshit. this was your dream for most of your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what makes it worse is that would have BEEN an interesting plotline going forward. guillermo being stuck with the choice he made and finding ways to cope with it. he could try and drink from animals or just a little from willing victims or he could use vampire hypnosis to steal from hospitals (two of these ideas are from fucking twilight btw. a movie that exists in this universe that guillermo enjoys and has certainly seen more than once.) or god. nandor could drain people for him and feed him from a plastic fucking dixie cup. they had OPTIONS this was an interesting story direction that i would be looking FORWARD to they could BOND over this they could bond in ways that its IMPOSSIBLE for them to now and i don't even particularly LIKE nand/ermo but giving guillermo a get out of jail free card for vampirism to send shit back to the status quo six seasons in is NOT it girlies and no amount of Nandor Spoke Farsi makes that last episode salvageable. i have read FANFICTION that wrote these characters and this plotline BETTER than this. the fakeout of they cant undo this followed immediately by OH JUST KIDDING WE CAN ACTUALLY BITCH YOU THOUGHT was insulting . beyond insulting. i havent felt this bad about a season finale of wwdits since season 3. but while the latter half of season three was unpleasant it at least seemed like it would be interesting going forward. this? this was just disappointing. its the first time ive ever felt this show was Badly Written and it hurts because i LOVE this show and i looked forward to this season and now that its over its like. this whole season might as well be moot. they could start season 6 saying this was all a crazy dream guillermo had and it would be BETTER for the narrative

#wwdits #wwdits spoilers #ive been thinking about this all day and really it kinda makes me nauseous #its just. so Bad

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dirtyeddietini · 2 years

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wish you were sober (E.M. x Female Reader)

okay so I had this idea. I was very much in a Conan Gray slump for the past month, and I’m so in love with the ‘’Wish you were sober’’ and ‘’Disaster” songs. And idk if it’s just me? But I feel like they kinda go together? So I thought why not make an Eddie Munson fic based on them (Bc holy shit this dude has done something to me). So the “Wish you were sober” lyrics are kind of the Reader’s POV and “Disaster” is in Eddie’s POV? I hope it makes sense. Also pls be kind, english is very much not my first language and I haven’t written anything since my One Directions days (Which, those days are still not over let me tell you that). Also I hate dialogue?? So minimal dialogue for this one idk?? I’m thinking of making this into a series if people like it enough?? Like with a big time jump idk? I have a lot of ideas. But yeah, hope you enjoy ♡

warnings: alcohol, weed, two fools in love, very much angst??, not very happy ending, implied smut?? like mentions of it idk if heavy makeouts are smut??, unrequited love or so they think??, swearing, use of (y/n), idk if i missed any pls do tell me if i did, also me being an american but havent been there since i was born so i dont really know how america works so if anything is weird again pls do tell me, also idk when to fit this in the timeline of stranger things?? nobody really mentions vecna and everybody is happy and eddie is alive (if i go on with this series then this is fit like in their last year of high school i guess?? we’ll see)

I do not consent to my work being uploaded on any other platforms, translated or copied.

summary: You and Eddie Munson have a not so formal agreement. At the end of the night of every party, when alcohol doesn’t really do anything for any of you anymore - You switch it out for each other’s lips. But what happens when you’re a little bit greedy, and still want even more?

Word count: 3795

It was the first big party of the fall. The Halloween party, nonetheless. Pre-Eddie entering your life, Halloween was the only party you ever went to all year. Post-Eddie it was any and every party you could find, at least the ones you knew would be attended by the pretty, long haired boy. Sometimes you liked to imagine he felt the same. “this party’s shit, wish we could dip. could anywhere but here.”

‘’So, what are you supposed to be dressed as?’’ You drank the rest of your drink before hopping off the counter, giving Steve a twirl and showing off your very homemade witch costume. You’d have actually prefered to sit down, plan out your whole costume and find every piece so it would have looked perfect for the night. But between classes, your job and finding a very limited time to see family and friends, the season changing from summer into autumn hadn’t occurred to you. So here you were, in a little black dress with a witch hat you had bought for your first ever real Halloween party a couple of years back and some old jewelry sown lazily onto your dress. ‘’Well Steve Harrington, I am the wicked witch of Hawkins. Can’t you tell?’’ You said with a bow. Steve just chuckled and filled up his glass with cheap looking liqueur.

“nineteen, but you act twentyfive now. knees weak, but you talk really fly, wow.” ‘’He’s here, you know?’’ Steve asked while throwing a ping pong ball that landed perfectly in your beer. You just shrugged while you downed the beer, trying to look clueless as to what he was saying ‘’He asked about you when he arrived,’’ Steve continued while you tried aiming for just one of the 5 still perfectly lined up glasses in front of him, but missing yet again. You didn’t actually know how Steve persuaded you to play beer pong, knowing how bad you were. Maybe some liquid courage for the night ahead?

“ripped jeans and a cup that you just downed, take me where the music ain’t too loud.”

You didn’t know when or how you ended up on the sofa, surrounded by Steve, Robin, Nancy and Jonathan. Also it just didn’t really matter at this point, your only point of focus being Eddie, dressed as the devil (no surprise there, right?) talking to that pretty blonde. You know the kind of pretty blonde that actually had planned her costume. The one who actually took her friends out, found a costume (a whole costume, not just a random, forgotten dress on the floor of her closet). The kind of blonde Eddie would be proud to show around in town, not someone who only got to taste his lips when he had one too many beers. ‘’Earth to (Y/N)?’’ Jonathan said, waving his hand in front of your face. Steve looked at you with pity in his eyes, being the only one actually knowing who occupied your mind. ‘’Mmm?’’ You said, still looking at the scene in front of you, afraid that you might miss something if you looked away, even for a second. ‘’So, truth or dare? What is it going to be?’’ Robin laughed. You weren’t entirely sure you had ever agreed to the game, alcohol clouding your thoughts, but you had nothing else to do, right? ‘’I guess.. Dare?’’ You said with a sheepish smile, regretting it only mere seconds later. Not only because you were now sitting comfortably on the sofa, squished between Nancy and the coushions, kinda acting like a weighted blanket. Not only because Robin wore a devilish smile while she whispered something in Steve’s ear. No, also because your friends had seen you literally kill the pretty blonde in front of Eddie, with your eyes and that gave Robin a very good idea.

“save me ‘til the party is over. kiss me in the seat of your Rover. real sweet but i wish you were sober.”

It was the first Halloween you attended with the intent of actually partying. The other years where Steve had thrown his big Halloween parties and invited you, you were always sitting on the sofa, soda in hand while being the designated driver. You didn’t mind, alcohol or parties weren’t your thing up until that day (You know the day every teen gets? When they realize that life is just rushing by and they won’t have any fun stories to tell before they’re out of high school? Or was that just you?) Nevertheless, here you were at your first real (well, first real for you) Halloween party. The drinks were flowing (That was also the night you realized you were very much a light weight) Bodies dancing everywhere. You just needed a second for yourself, just to sit on the toilet to gather yourself. ‘’Hoooly shit, I’m drunk’’ You giggled to yourself. You stood up, ready to wash your hands but got a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. ‘’I looked so pretty when I got here, and now look at me’’ You pouted at yourself in the mirror. ‘’Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize anyone was in here’’ A voice said behind you, but you were all too occupied with your mascara to care ‘’No no, it’s fine. Come in. I don’t mind’’ You hiccuped, trying very hard not to poke your eye out with your mascara wand. ‘’I’m not really sure we’re that close yet, that I would feel comfortable using the toilet in front of you, pretty girl’’ You could see Eddie Munson coming up behind your back in the mirror. It was not that you didn’t know Eddie, your friends were his friends. It was just that he once let it slip to Steve that you were oh so hot, but how he wished you weren’t so boring. He wasn’t wrong, about the last part anyway. But there was one thing you and Eddie had in common, you just didn’t really care what others thought. So even though you had found Eddie pretty, fucking attractive, it didn’t stick with you that he thought you were boring. ‘’A penny for your thoughts?’’ He asked behind you. Guess you had a habit of zoning out a little bit too much. ‘’I’ll get out of your way, sorry.’’ You said, trying to grab the handle, but falling over your own heels. Eddie was quick to grab you, sit you on the toilet, pour out his beer from his cup and hand you the glass back with water.

And that's how the ‘’tradition’’ started. Nothing major happened that night. You were too drunk, and Eddie was a gentleman. You just sat in his van, talked about life, got a much needed (also a little bit too late) apology for his comment to Steve. Ever since then, the parties always ended up in his van. It didn’t take long until the passenger seat got abandoned for Eddie’s lap and curfew got dragged longer and longer into the night. But that was all that it was. Stolen glances at parties, long makeout sessions leading to always just a little bit more. And at first, that was fine. You weren’t really looking for anything other than a little attention. But as you got to know Eddie more, nothing was enough. Eddie, who had started carrying around a blanket in the van, just so you could snuggle under it when you got a bit too drunk and just wanted to talk. Eddie, who remembered that your favorite smell was vanilla (Also it was hard for him to forget, you basically bathed in your vanilla perfume every time you went to a party because one time, he said that you smelled really good) went out and bought a Wunderbaum so his car would smell like vanilla for you. Eddie, whose lips were just a little too soft to forget.

Anyway, that was only in the confinement of his van. At school things didn’t change, sure he would smile at you a little more, talk to you a little longer but until that alcohol hit Eddie’s lips, you felt like you didn’t really matter in his world.

“pullin me close, begging me, ‘’stay over’’, but i’m over this roller coaster.”

‘’I dare you, to steal away.. One Mr. Eddie Munson’’ Robin said, with a proud smirk. You looked at Steve, hoping he would help, but all he could do was shrug ‘’Those are the rules, girly’’. Sure Eddie would go with you, having downed about 10 beers and had 2 joints.. Or at least you hoped so. But as you looked over, once again, the pretty blonde had her arms around his waist and Eddie was biting his lips looking down at her. You looked at Robin, one more time, hoping she would give you another dare, but she just slumped back on the sofa, smiling. You stood up, knees wobbly, straightening out your dress while trying to come up with enough courage to walk over there. You poked Robin’s cheek on your way out to the make-shift dance floor. You could feel all eyes on you, not just your friends, but also the people surrounding you. Honestly, at this point you wished the floor would swallow you whole. And then you came face to face with… Eddie’s back. You still weren’t sure what to do, how to get his attention.

‘’Hey pretty boy, I missed you. Meet me in your van in 10 minutes’’ You whispered in his ear. You were honestly disgusted with yourself. Why would you say something like that? When have you ever said something like that? Why the hell would you call him a pretty boy? You never called Eddie pretty boy? Also, at this point you were pretty tired of whatever this thing between you two was. How would the boy ever know about your feelings, when you said stuff like that? You cringed, and started walking out. Steve and Robin threw their hands up ‘’What the hell was that?’’ Steve asked. You just smiled and skipped out of the door. It was only when Eddie excused himself from the blonde and raced out of the door that Steve and Robin looked at each other, laughed and felt a little proud of their friend's achievement. “i’mma crawl out the window now. getting good at saying ‘’gotta bounce’’. honestly you always let me down. and i know we’re not just hanging out.’’

‘’Eddie.. Eddie, stop’’ As soon as Eddie got in the wan, he was pulling you on his lap, attacking your mouth with kisses ‘’What, pretty girl, isn’t this what you wanted?’’ He said, mocking you. I mean this was kind of what you wanted. Why you came. Only this wasn’t all you wanted, you wanted to arrive at the party with Eddie, not just leave. You wanted to plan cheesy couples costumes, not just arrive and accidentally match (Which this year, you didn’t. So.) You wanted to dance, kiss, and talk all night. Not just when you were in his van or when the party got too boring. ‘’A penny for your thoughts?’’ He asked, just the same way he did at that first Halloween party. You licked your lips, you knew what you wanted to say. You knew what you wanted. You also just didn’t want to lose this. Whatever this was. Because holy fucking shit, had Eddie swept you right off your feet and started your new adventure as a young adult. He cocked his head, while still wearing that smile you just wanted to kiss stupid. But this was the time you needed to stand your ground. When you had mentioned to Steve briefly that you weren’t in the most ideal situation with Eddie, he had tried to coach you in the way of admitting your feelings, in his words ‘’You don’t have anything to lose. So what if he doesn’t feel the same? You’ll stop wasting your time and find someone more deserving.’’ But what Steve didn’t understand, and what you didn’t feel like you could tell him was, that Eddie didn’t feel like a waste of time. No matter what this was, this thing going on between you two, didn’t feel like a waste of time at all. Eddie listened to you, understood you, made you laugh at any given chance.

‘’Hey, you with me, baby?’’ Eddie started to grow concerned. You were just sitting on his lap, looking kind of hazed out while biting your lips. ‘’Y-Yeah. Just thinking’’ You said while playing with his hair, a nervous habit you had formed a while ago, which actually benefited both. ‘’Mmmh, about?’’ Eddie asked, while slowly starting to kiss down your neck. It took everything in you to not just shut off your thoughts and give all of you to that beautiful, doe eyed boy in front of you. ‘’Us’’ you said, almost a whisper. This made Eddie stop his actions, swinging his head back up to face you, while his grip around your thighs tightened. He almost looked like a man in love, you let yourself think for only just a second. There was an awkward silence after that. You weren’t sure if Eddie was waiting for you to proceed or if he had to gather up any confidence to say that there simply wasn’t an ‘’Us’’. There was you, and him and sometimes you and him just happened to cross paths. But there wasn't an ‘’Us’’.

‘’Yeah, and what do you think about, when you’re thinking about us?’’ He tried getting you to proceed. His tone didn’t give anything away. ‘’It’s just.. I’m just.. It’s..’’ You said, biting your lips. Come on. This isn’t so hard. You’ve told him about some of your hardest times, some of your darkest secrets and he didn’t judge you one ounce. Why was it so hard to get it out? ‘’I’m not sure I can do this anymore’’ You settled on saying that, still not giving yourself away. You started fiddling with his jacket. Not daring to look into his eyes ‘’Oh.. Okay. May I ask why?’’ He took your fingers, started to toy with them. This was his new nervous habit. Again, beneficial for both. ‘’I just.. I’m not sure this is enough for me anymore? Y’know? I don’t know if I can keep on pretending that this is good enough for me anymore.’’ You said, without thinking twice. The only thing you were trying to do, is to shield yourself and your feelings against Eddie. You didn’t wanna drop the L-bomb for him to not feel the same (Oh, not the love-bomb by the way. You may be head over heels for this boy, but you’re not quite sure that a few drunken kisses can lead to love.)

‘’ ‘Cause the potential of us, it was keepin me up all night long’’

While the turmoil was still going on inside your head, Eddie was beginning his own war in his mind. What you said, to shield yourself, twisted itself in Eddie's head. What he heard was that he wasn’t enough for you anymore, that he wasn’t enough.

While Eddie didn’t plan on this to be an occurrence as often as it had been, he didn’t mind it. At first you were just the hot girl who could make him forget about his own misery once or twice a month. Eddie swore that at first he only needed company, no matter what or who that company was. It didn’t hurt that it was you, a sight for sore eyes. It made it even easier to forget his own life. But then those stolen, drunken kisses turned into Eddie swapping his beer for water, only for him to remember everything you said the next day, for not forgetting how you smelled so beautifully of vanilla, for remembering every tiny detail about you and lasty, just so he could see your drunken little dance as you walked up to your front door after he’d driven you home. He couldn’t exactly pin-point when he realized that this was no longer just a distraction. That this was actually the best part of the parties. That whenever he knew you were in the same space as him, he couldn’t stop looking to meet your beautiful eyes.

“this could be a disaster, there’s so many factors. Like, what if you freak out and then we’re losin it all. At the critical chapter where I say I love you, and you don’t say it after”

‘’I’ll just drive you home’’ That was it. That was the best reply Eddie could muster up. He wanted an explanation, he knew he should have asked. He knew, deep down, that he must have misunderstood. But that little part of him, the little part telling him that he, Eddie Munson, was not worthy of love from such a beautiful, charismatic, clever young lady like yourself, won yet again. ‘’No, Eddie, it's fine. I’ll just get Steve to drive me home. You just go back to the party and we’ll just pretend this didn’t happen. Honestly it’s fine. Like I saw how much fun you had with that blonde girl, what is her name again? Oh it’s Amelia right? Yeah, Amelia. She is fun. And pretty. And well put together I really liked her costume. And also I forgot to tell you that I liked yours. Like those small devil horns? TO DIE FOR. Yeah, so I mean I guess I’ll just leave your car and then I’ll get Steve to drive me home, and then we’ll just see each other monday like nothing happened, right?’’ Another thing Eddie adored, your rambling. Whenever he’d push your boundaries, just a little, you’d just start telling him about your day. How Dustin had made a fool of himself in the cafeteria, spilling spaghetti sauce all over his white tee, because he was too caught up in telling a story. About how Robin made it a competition to see how many times she could make Steve fall in one shift at Family Video. But not this time. No. Because this time may very well be the last time he will ever hear you rambling, to him at least. This time you were all wrong. Letting your insecurities shine through, ones he himself had added to before he got to know you. And Eddie still cursed himself out for it, everytime he thought of it.

Yes, you did see him with Amelia. What you didn’t see was that he could not stop looking at you, behind her. Looking at how you looked so damn cute when you zoned out from time to time, how your smile grew wider and wider with every sip of your cup, and although Eddie would never really admit this to you - Or even himself. He kind of liked how you didn’t really look all that amused by Amelia. He let himself believe that you were jealous, that you felt like Eddie belonged to you. Because in all honesty, he did. Every fiber of his being belonged to you. You just had to ask, and he would happily, never ever look at another girl again.

‘’but if i’m reading it wrong, man, it’d be better off if i died, oh’’ ‘’Yeah, no. It’s fine. I’m getting tired. I’ll drive you home. I was planning on it, so it’s no hassle.’’ Why couldn’t he at least try to ask? Ask what you meant? Ask what you wanted? Also, why couldn’t he look away from your damn cherry colored lips? So plump, so delicious. But now in a very obvious pout. ‘’Y’know’’ Eddie said, starting the car. ‘’I like your costume too. It’s really pretty.. Your real pretty. You’re always really, fucking pretty.’’ At least that's something right? Kind of gentleman-like? Not a full on, love confession. But something. Maybe it’ll change your mind? Maybe you’ll lean over the console, giving him a kiss that he sought after, ever since you broke off the last one. Maybe you’ll realize he looks at you everyday, thinks of you everyday, daydreams about you everyday. ‘’Thanks Eddie.’’ You say. Not looking at him. Not leaning over the console. So you didn’t understand, and what’s even worse is that you didn’t even believe him. He could hear it in your tone. He knew you, goddammit.

‘’So..’’

‘’I just think’’

You started talking at the same time. Finally. Finally. You smile. At him, nonetheless. ‘’It’s fine, you go first, baby’’ It was a habit. He couldn’t just be expected to stop a habit, albeit he didn’t want to. Not really. ‘’I just think it’s better this way, you know? Like I like you. Very fucking much. Not like, like you? I like kissing you? Is that weird to say? Well I do. And I like hanging out with you, you’re like my party-best friend? Y’know? Like a work-husband? But switch it out with ‘’party’’. Party husband.. No, no. Party best friend? Party, very good looking, very good kisser best friend? That makes sense, yeah,’’ You were so proud of yourself, Eddie couldn’t stop smiling. He knew what was to come, but you were so cute, his smile wouldn’t falter. ‘’Anyhooow. It’s better this way. None of us caught feelings, right? And I’m going off to college, right? So like, we don’t have to do the whole shabang with crying and missing each other. Like we’ll just stop it here. One last kiss at Halloween. Very good. I like that.’’ None of us caught feelings. None of us caught feelings. None. Of. Us. Caught. Feelings.Your sentence kept replaying in Eddie’s head. He didn’t even know what to say anymore. ‘’Yeah, no. Yeah. You’re right. It’s silly. You’re going off to college, and me. I’m.. Y’know. I’ll figure stuff out probably. Yeah, no. Good that we didn’t catch any of those mean things called feelings, right?’’ He said, laughing, hand tight on his neck. The rest of the car ride was silent. There wasn’t anything left to say. A daydream. It was all that it was. You coming out of your cocoon, a beautiful butterfly ready to fly off to college. And Eddie. Eddie was still just that. Eddie. Not good enough for you, Eddie. Not brave enough to tell you how he felt, Eddie. Not your boyfriend, not your hero, Eddie.

And while he watched you dance up to your front door one last time, while he fell in his oh so empty bed, Eddie couldn’t do anything. Not cry. Not laugh. Nothing. Because he screwed it up. He really screwed it up this time.

‘’maybe i’m mistaken. you’re not mine for takin. maybe i’m mistaken. maybe i just made it up, messed it up.’’

so idk i kind of hate this one??? i started writing this in like??? july?? but i have an idea of like multiple chapters?? like throughout their life?? idk the next one is going to be set in college. and i also wanna elaborate more on how eddie fell for the reader. also the whole toilet scene?? where reader is sad about her makeup?? yeah that was very much inspired by myself. only i didn’t have eddie munson coming in. also all my inspirations come from song lyrics?? so i think songs will be a big part of this world im trying to create?? and yeah most of them will be modern:/ im sorry:/ but yeah. let me know what u think. pls be kind. kisses and hugs to all you lovies ♡

EDIT: i privated this for a long time?? so if you’ve already red it thats why. i put it up again BECAUSE IM WRITING A NEW FIC RIGHT NOW and idk so here it is again

#eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x afab reader #stranger things x reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader angst #eddie munson fan fic

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rigelmejo · 29 days

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So I haven't posted in a while. Little updates:

I finished arc 1 of Guardian in chinese again. So now I wont feel bad reading the book 1 english translation.

I took a break from chinese for a while then came back to read. And its interesting to me how much is stored like "2nd level down" in my memory. I don't recall words when trying to talk, after a long enough break. But I start reading, and my brain subvocalizes the hanzi and I can recall this Gist General Meaning of the words. Some words I recall their meaning and all, some just an overall general idea. But I havent forgotten much, nothing totally forgotten, and then most of the details of words come back within an hour or reading. Its surprising to me that reading chinese, memory wise, seems a LOT like reading french. I didnt expect it to be quite as similar a process. But it seems that remembering hanzi Words is as permanent as remembering french word stems/endings (or english ones). Reading skills have long staying power, and don't degrade much even with long breaks between usage. This is Excellent news. Since I don't have time to study much for the next several months, so I'm glad reading skills will stay as good as they are Or Improve if I read, without needing maintenance study. I'd like to improve my listening skill too, because being able to understand audiobooks would increase the chinese novels I could get through that I want to read (audiobooks would be faster than reading). But I dont have time yet for listening reading combo study, and time will tell if i do that activity WHEN and IF listening skills also gradually solidify then become reliable so one can study more sporadically and still see improvement.

My french skills are. Fascinating. I havent purposely studied in like over 5 years. I dont get that much French exposure (my google is in french but tbh google email and notifications do not use a big variety of words). But I've noticed a dramatic improvement in listening skills. My french reading skills have been fine for years. Theyre at a level where I can read like a high schooler: so i can read fiction for adults, but some words or literary devices go over my head and I have to just guess, the more in depth text analysis of themes might be a challenge, but just getting the story/information/most details is fine. I havent had to limit what i read in french in ages. Its just a matter of in french i feel like i did in high school where some fiction makes me "think hard" to grasp some points, versus english where i dont run into needing to Think Hard like that unless I'm reading something written pre-1800s. Anyway my point is: reading skills have been stable a while in french. Listening skills have markedly improved despite very little purposeful practice. I think I should probably start listening to podcasts or audiobooks some point soon. Through scattered listening to B1 and B2 comprehensible audio on youtube, and french shows, im to a point where if the audio has visual context i can follow everything going on and learn new words pretty easy. So now its just listening to french when i have no visuals to rely on, that's a struggle. I remember a few years back, i could not listen to french shows id just get confused, i needed the subtitles to follow anything. My ears mustve gotten used to french or just gotten used to Listening Better to things. Anyway, if i start trying and French Listening Only materials ill mention some progress.

Anyone have any french audiobooks or podcasts/fiction story podcasts they enjoy???

Japanese. also in a weird place. ToT. My biggest hurdle isnt even japanese: its being too chicken to challenge myself. I can play Yakuza Ishin in japanese and follow the main idea and objectives and main points in scenes. Yet i have NOT played more cause it feels Draining to grasp all that info from context and im lazy. I know if i watch a show in only japanese, with japanese subtitles, i know enough to grasp the main plot. But im lazy and its a LOT of effort to see the japanese subtitles and match new sounding words with kanji and try to remember the new pronunciation AND pay attention to the brand new plot. So i fall back onto english subs. I KNOW i can read japanese novels with a click dictionary, its just such SLOW reading, and if i just read while listening and Guess all unknown words its mentally exhausting even though its faster. I even have the easy peasy Glossika Japanese audio to listen to, but im still on lesson 36 because i have to Pay Full Attention when i listen to new lessons and im too lazy to listen with full attention ToT. I can watch lets plays in japanese, i understand them, but the effort of focusing is so much MORE than it would take if i just went to watch an english lets play where i can just hear in the background and follow it fine not even looking at it.

I am at a POINT in japanese where I CAN just learn by doing now! Which is huge! Its an incredibly useful milestone to be at! And makes future study, in the long run, much less daunting to plan as it can become just Do Stuff In Japanese to study. But since im at the beginning of this Comprehend Enough to Learn More from Context phase... learning new stuff from context still takes SO MUCH EFFORT. ITS SO DRAINING. Paying enough attention to comprehend things ive studied is exhausting, paying extra attention to new stuff and guessing what it means is draining and requires a Lot of focus. I know this is just how this stage goes but. Im so lazy.

What i need is something in japanese im SO interested in, that it drives me to engage with it even though I'm drained because im so Curious and Interested in understanding, so i push through until comprehending gets easier. Ideally, a game or show, something that plays so i am Forced to frequently proceed to the next sentence. Because with books and manga i will just stop and dwell on a paragraph for 2 hours and not learn much new stuff.

This stage is especially grating because im not in the stage with french or chinese anymore. I can listen to chinese shows in the background, check my phone while listening, not use the chinese subtitles, pay half attention while drawing. Chinese audiobooks require More attention, but i can listen to them walking or driving without subtitles/transcript and still follow the plot. With french Im to that same comfortable point with shows and youtube videos, not audio only stuff yet but i dont Engage with french audio only stuff. My point is Japanese is the only one where Im really feeling that INTENSE FOCUS drain whenever i try to engage with challenging new stuff in japanese. I dont feel an intense drain with chinese unless I read one of my harder reading level Print Novels or a higher vocab audio only material. I dont feel it with french unless Im doing it with audio only material. I feel the drain constantly with japanese.

#rant

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auggietopia · 1 month

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i started this blog in december 2019. it was the first tumblr i was ever truly active on, and i had no idea how tags or anything worked. i was freshly 16 and at the age where i was just starting to discover who and what i was, and a lot of it came through in the poetry i posted here. i had very rigid ideas of what literature and poetry was, as i had stopped doing it for a very long time. i wanted attention. i was eager, although i didnt know it then. i was hopeful.

covid hit three months later, in march 2020. i was in the year group whose gcses were cancelled. i posted one poem right as covid hit, in march, and then my last poem i posted in september of 2020 around when i started sixth form, after the longest summer i will ever have in my life. it was also the best summer i have had in my life. i spent 5 months calling with my best friends so constantly to the point i woke up at 6pm and went to bed at 9am just to talk to them. i realised my identity and tried to come out to a mother i would quickly find out was transphobic. i made a lot of friends. i started to gain some real footing on who i was.

i blinked and i am in march 2024. it is four years and a few days since i posted my second to last poem, which is a number that feels truly shocking to type out as it feels like it has been a year at most. in 2019 i turned 16, but in 2024 i will turn 21. this fact upsets me as the absolute formative amount of ageing i went through between the ages of 13-16 feels like it was my entire life and that there isnt room for anything else worthwhile to occur. on my 18th birthday, i held the frog teddy i bought for myself and listened to lord huron at full volume to block out the fear blurring its way into the edges like a migraine. on my 19th birthday, i was alone and terrified in my university dorm. i can't even remember my 20th birthday because of how insignificant it was. ageing, past the age of 18, went from being something exciting to something terrifying in a way i told myself it never would. and yet i am still here, and yet i still age. in a few months, it will be my 21st, and it will likely be at home, and it will likely be alone.

in the space between 16 and now, a lot happened. there were some pretty good things. they sit tiny next to the fact i lost my best friend in 2021 because they turned out to be quite literally the worst person i have ever known on this planet. i will never forgive them for what they did. realistically, every problem i hold against them is so small in the scale of the universe that maybe it isn’t worth holding onto at all, but i have not learned that lesson. i am aggressively refusing that lesson, in fact. at least for right now.

my mental health also took the biggest nosedive it has ever taken. sixth form shut down all sense of self discovery i had once i begin to nosedive in my academics and lose all of my friends. i still havent regained my footing. it has been 2 years since i left sixth form, and i still havent regained my footing.

but it is nice to look back over this blog and not regret a single thing i wrote.

all of this is to say i am going to start posting here again. and, in the most cliche way possible, i am going to do it for me this time. and i am going to post whatever i want without caring whether or not it is refined enough, because life is scarily fleeting and i can do whatever i want.

i was first allergictodrowning, and when i thought that was stupid i became autumndrowns, and now i will be something else that i havent decided yet but it will definitely be equally as stupid. :)

#writers on tumblr #writing #my work #poem #fiction #literature #my writing #do most of these tags apply? no #can anyone stop me? also no #poetry #poems #covid #covid 19 #mental health #art in covid #i am cringe but i am free

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cupuasu · 2 months

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ed and mental illness talk

was trying to find any kind of log of my past weight so i could have an idea or an average of it all but i dont rmr using any apps for weight tracking, even in the height of my e.d. back in 2011-2015 lol. the farthest i could go was july 2018 where i logged my weight on flo along with my period (59kg....!! and my period wasn't as irregular as it is now!!). idk if it's my memory deteriorating but i genuinely don't remember weighting that little. kinda interesting that by 2020 i was already over 69kg, eating VERY well because i was dating at the time lol.

and sure i havent been able to eat normally bc of my stomach & since december from last year i've lost almost 8kg. not even doing anything. last week however i got anemic and very very weak because my body has not been able to absorb anything at all and these tummyaches have become unbearable so i finally got an appointment to check it out🙏

might be a mix of depression and the e.d. coming back and feeling sick all the time and not eating right but it all came down to the realization of oh this is a easy way to lose weight maybe if i lose weight i won't feel so miserable maybe all those people telling me i look bloated were right maybe if i look thinner i'll feel better about myself. which is all a lie i know but i need to feel Something i just feel so bad all the time about everything. plus when i do top surgery i'll have to lose weight anyway. i don't want to go back to >70kg i literally hate the number 7 so much it's unreal. if i lose 6kg i'll be back to the 59kg i had at 18 but i dont like the number 5 either so i'll have to lose 11kg to go to 48kg at least. it's a beautiful round number. or if thats too hard 55kg is also a round number in my head, although not nearly as beautiful

i don't plan to get that weight by the end of the year ofc lol realistically i want to build some muscle instead of straight up losing all fat. my body has gotten soooo weak bc i'm not athletic At All. genuinely if i knew it'd come to bite my ass this hard when i'm not even in my mid 20s i'd actually try to get good at sports when i was a kid. i can't walk or stand or sit for long which is so fucked up, like how did it get this bad 😭 shouldve taken unsolicited advice from my family and done ballet or something. well but the past's past so whatever i gotta deal with what i got now. hopefully it'll all work nicely.

#diary #222

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spiritcc · 5 months

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top 5 anime and why unironically

i havent even seen 5 animes in my whole live i think, so here it's truly whatever was on my plate at some point-kinda presentation. will probably say a lot about the Era i was in back in the day, strap in, whippersnappers.

bleach. maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan. it's like, you know how spn fans know very well the show stopped being good about 3 seasons in but kept watching till the end? bleach is the spn of the anime world. yet i must emphasise that there is a galaxy-sized distance between the importance of bleach in my life vs every other anime on this list. if you're trying to get into it post-factum, it won't work, you know in advance it's a waste of time, it's only when you were there personally to witness its 2.5 WE'RE SO BACK over the other fifty IT'S SO OVER's, its biggest rise in popularity, its peak of fame, its slow loss of fandom, its return, its undignified death. it's only when you were there personally to see all of that and stay because there's no going back already, must just as well sink with the ship. what WAS so good about it anyway? those 2.5 arcs, yea, then you eventually switch to the manga and see that Kubo had the best style out of everyone ever and his backgrounds were popping too, PLUS he's the only one obsessed with fashion so the characters never wore one thing for generations. even when there are uniforms, they are customised to each character and change every time-skip. i took it for granted all these years, big mistake. basically Kubo never really wanted to develop a story, he just wanted to have bleach forever and that was taken away from him, thus its disgraceful fall, but the fall happened primarily because he just didnt want to let go in the first place and any chance he gets at some anniversary stuff, he immediately tries shoving some cliffhangers in as a chance to bring it back. well. the fans are here. we'd be there.

soul eater, which honestly i only watched bc it was initially very funny. kinda cool but primarily just very funny, which it stopped being about halfway through, and that's when i bailed. it also still has the best opening of all anime to this day. also what was funny is how anime ended years before the manga did and mangaka was sooo angy about how they fucked up the ending but then the manga ending came out and it was just the same shit minus some details, from what i've seen. i also have a keychain with several characters that i got in like 2009, it then lay dormant in some sarcophagus for most of the years until 2023 and emerged in perfect condition. no idea what kind of enamel this is but it's like it's brand new, and it's defs the more cool merch to show around than whatever i had of bleach.

kaiketsu zorro, aka yes, the zorro anime. so far i've seen less than 10 episodes but to me it's just the best zorro adaptation that ever existed. they grind diego's reputation into MOLECULES there's NOTHING left of his dignity it's honestly so incredible, plus we're shaping up a good dozen of characters that have overly dramatic fics about them so i'm already anticipating so many otps to root for. i just expect total mayhem and boy am i looking forward to it.

trinity blood. maaaan it's basically like... you learn that the anime exists, you remember that its whole fame is 90% cosplay community, you look into the origins of the cosplay designs, which leads to discovering the light novels, then the manga, and only then you watch the anime in hysterics of what it fucking did to the source material. but it all started because of the anime and we have to alas somewhat respect that. trinity blood is one of those things you get into as an acknowledged doomsday, since you will never see it end, the death of the author will always be on your mind because the event haunts all those narratives at every angle, and his final notes don't actually resolve anything. post-armageddon priests vs vampires vs biblical elements vs science is just the most teenage boy premise, but it Was cool... the light novels were two, ROM and RAM i forget which was which, one was 4 years prior, the second was 4 years after, so two narratives that i think by the end were meant to lock in one place, one day two chapters would come out where the flash forward ends the whole series in a grand armageddon i bet, while the flashback chapter ends the prelude that started the flash forward in the first place. you see characters in flashbacks become bitter people in flashforwards, characters that have great presence in the past being completely absent in the present, which immediately starts Thoughts, the concept of everything was neat. never meant to be, now good luck trying to find both novels past volume 4, the manga doesnt adapt the flashback novels, the fandom is dead, the anime isn't of any help. doomsday place, doomsday fandom.

eh fuck it, shaman king. the russian version of the intro was one of the best sounding ones and thats as far as i can describe it because i wouldn't be able to recite the plot even if i tried. like pokemon for ghost people, truly. it felt like it had 1000 episodes.

#keep em top 5 coming #TB is no joke i only got post vol4 information from Dealers and even then it was just quick recaps #of chapters that do very much exist and been existing for 20 years #now nobody finds out that francesco has a half-brother who is on catherine's side and lusts after her #AX vs inquisition was pretty nice as is but spicing it up with the imagery of francesco vomiting himself to sleep #over his brother wanting to fuck his sister is just something no one gets to experience now

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doctor-says-im-alright · 2 months

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Ive been wondering lately if I really do have bipolar with psychotic features or if I have schizoaffective. Idk why the idea of bipolar though is so offensive to me lol. I think its because I never really feel grandiose and thats just an unfair part of the bargain.

The main difference I found is psychosis symptoms outside of mood episodes. Ive been trying to figure that out, but as my moods are really long, Im not sure. I was thinking maybe that is true because this year I seem to launch into paranoia in a single afternoon instead of over months. But thats associated with a stressed mood, not anything neutral? Idk. My paranoia is generally after Ive become fully stressed, but honestly, it is possible I have delusions constantly. How do you even know? I know I have OCD but I am so fixated on death that it might be more delusional than just OCD - like I do have rituals but its mainly just stressful thoughts that Im being haunted and the proof was a dead bug.

But the past week I noticed I shifted into a different phase. Im suddenly energetic or agitated. Like laughing hysterically, talking a lot, becoming really upset or angry, sad, overwhelmed, and constantly unreasonably scared. Everything is a threat. I seem to be really focused on fires happening for some reason. I am sleeping way more than normal, actually my sleep is suddenly really stressful. I dont go to sleep unless I take meds but thats normal for me, but now I cant get up. Ill wake up and its like Im magnetised to the bed and am stuck for awhile until I actually wake up. I sleep 12-14 hours but when I look at my Fitbit data its somehow only 5-6 hours in that time Im asleep. I know it, too. Its like Im not asleep and am in my room but dreaming in it. I didnt even realize I was so upset about this until I saw a post by someone talking about training their service dog to wake them up properly and asking how to do it and I could cry with the relief if I could figure out something mine could do to help me with it.

I generally always get told Im too self aware to have any psychosis issues and I think Im good at sounding self aware but Im actually not at all. I have no idea what Im thinking or feeling, Im guessing based on any knee jerk things that may have come out. Like last year I was in the psych ward for paranoia, but I hadnt even noticed or was able to communicate, but can see it now, that I was actually in danger of attacking people because I believed they were going to kill me first, and that had been my motivation to go in. And it wasnt even the person I said I was paranoid of.

I cant even figure out if my hand hurts or not. I have no idea what Im thinking or feeling. I know Im jumpy and on level 100 of agitation. I just suddenly start crying, Im overwhelmed with proofs of life and death. If someone tells me a joke I literally cry laughing. My words are mixing up and I feel like I cant say anything. I read things Ive written and even Im like what?? What does that even say. I know I am having PTSD symptoms - thats a given with me. I know for months Ive been hyperfocused on it, its been a source of anger outbursts.

Like for some reason the thought of romance or sex or any relationship sends me into a flying rage. My dog licking my other dog disturbs me so deeply I immediately lose it and have to run outside or throw something. People talking about love and needing people makes me feel so revolted. Ive been half dating someone and they mentioned kissing and Im ready to set myself and everyone else on fire. I cant stand the thought of desire and needing someone and craving them it is disturbing and I want to be sick thinking about it. But Im not normally like this at all. Not at all.

I am asexual and aromantic and my friend keeps making sex jokes and referencing my being asexual and I swear to god Im going to throw up on him or hit him with a wooden spoon. Havent decided yet.

#does anyone else get disturbed by proofs of life #i made a list recently #mainly food bothers me the most #like people being hungry or eating just sparks deep fear in me because that proves they are alive and its a risk #its the strangest thing #because it can also completely snap me out of a rage episode #like if im mad at someone and I see them #pouring a glass of water #then i am suddenly desperately sad and scared instead of angry #how can you hate someone who is pouring a glass of water #half eaten food in the fridge is one of the most disturbing to me #but also the back of the head is a proof of life and terrible

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pezpenser205 · 3 months

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im sorry in advan ce i think this might be it for me i cannot find something to do to distract me that isnt painful or a chore to do and the idea of reaching out to people directly seems awful in this state and this feeling hasnt stopped and has only intensified and ive just been nearly non stop crying for 4 or 5 hours im so tiref i cant breathe and cant stop myself from making sounds when i cry anymore it feels like there are screams stuck in my throat and everytjing hurts i dont know if im gonna make it today im sorry. ive gone outside. ive tried distractimg myself nd putting it off. ive cried so hard i got a headache and got sick (again) and i still havent dissociated out of here. i dont know what to do. the only things i can think of to do will for sure not go well. i think i am genuinely just fronting here to kill myself. if anything happens to me im sorry. i dont know if im gonna make ot this time idont know if i can do it anymore im really sorry i cant cope anymore its not anybodys fault if something happens it would have happened eventually anyway. ive never kept an account or knternet presence this long or had friendships thay lasted this long at all and i knew it was coming because everything was going too good for me to stay here. i dont know what im saying i reallg am still just stalling now i dont know. i keep checking my notifications as if sometjign i see or something someone says will magically make me want to stay like a fucking idiot i cant promise ill stay alive but im fuckkng trying im sorry for everything over the years and if somrthing happens thank you for being there for me its not yojr fault i promise. we were meant to die a long time ago i dont know how we made it herewith so little of the thigns people sre supposed to have by now. im sorry

#suicide #op #suicide mention

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asexualzoro · 1 year

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it’s my 22nd birthday today, and you know what that means...

Lew Writes Wrapped 2022!

its virtually all third life this time, most of which have not been posted on main before. woe, the full weight of my third life obsession be upon ye

blood god, mortal red

(Jan, 1.2k, DSMP, oneshot) (link)

one of the Many minecraft execution fics i have written in my life, technoblade anvil edition

not to start this post off with making myself sad, but man, i miss him.

i remember writing this one all in one sitting at work in january. i think i did a pretty good job with it from an artistic standpoint, and as an analytical piece, i think i hit the mark perfectly. that said, i don’t think i could reread it now. i do think it was fun as a writing exercise to force like, 5 seconds irl to stretch out into a thousand words

yes, the only way out is down

(April, 1.2k, 3L, oneshot) (link)

another minecraft execution fic, third life rendog edition!

IM SO PROUD OF THIS ONE. im so fond of it it’s probably my favorite third life oneshot. ren’s execution makes me fucking rabid and this is just the most direct expression of that.

what’s funny is i actually remember being pretty dissatisfied with this fic when i finished it--there was a lot of stuff i wanted to hit on that i just couldnt swing around to--but when i stepped away from what i wanted it to be and looked at what it was, i realized i liked it a lot

the rhythm of cold fists

(May, 2.6k, 3L, onehsot) (link)

sometimes you get so worked up about the idea scar threw the finale of third life that you have to write a bunch of frenzied words on it

this one is funny bc i think its got the second most hits of any of my third life fic, but the comment number is really low comparatively. i mostly just had fun making the transcript of this scene and then fleshing that out into a full ‘novelization,’ it was a neat writing exercise! i don’t think anything in particular stands out about this one, but i’m happy with it overall

Wooden Mausoleum

(May, 3.8k, 3L, oneshot) (link)

Sometimes you get so worked up about the idea of the unactualized betrayal plotline of the most loyal man in the series that you have to write a bunch of frenzied words about it

okay this is going to sound bad but i keep forgetting i wrote this. i dont know why. i like this fic! one of my favorite paragraphs i wrote all year is in it! and yet??? i dunno.

id love to write a different martyn wins au where the betrayal isnt the sort of ‘mercy kill’ suggested in this fic, bc i still have not recovered from the unrealized betrayal plot. someday i’ll write a martyn wins au where he Means to win

i... still feel something is sort of off with the way this fic ends, but i think ive felt that about a lot of the fic/scene endings ive written of late. i think that ending scenes/fics is just ill have to work on this upcoming year!

might be best to not look back

(Oct, 2.7k, 3L, oneshot) (link)

i’m starting to think all my oneshots are just me getting possessed by different parts of the third life. anyway i had a point to prove about scar throwing, and what might happen were he not being wildly unsubtle about throwing

i can write essays on this fic it makes me feel insane. i HAVE written an essay on it already just recently. tbh, this fic itself IS an essay written for the purpose of analyzing the penultimate third life scene. i have and could and will write more essays on the penultimate third life. this is all i have to say to avoid making this a 1k word post

i think i did what i wanted to pretty well? it was sort of confusing, by virtue of trying to talk about a point your viewpoint character won’t acknowledge, but it was a fun piece over all

missing or obstructed

(Oct-present, 6.3k, 3L, ongoing) (link)

post third life fic but only grian and ren remember, featuring so many sleep/dreaming metaphors, because i lucid dream and have insomnia and it does a lot to me as a person

missing or obstructed has 14.7k words written but i havent fuckin posted most of it bc i got derailed by lamplight. missing i am so sorry i miss you so much but youve been obstructed. i am really excited for how the rest of this goes but i think i have to finish and completely exorcize lamplight from my head before i can go back to it in earnest. i DID post another chapter at 10pm yesterday so i had more of it to include in this wordcount tho,

missing or obstructed has been a lot of fun to write bc i lvoe stupid metaphors. it has sucked to write because it’s forced me to come up with worldbuilding shit for the watchers which has been so much more difficult than i thought. it’s been fun again cuz i love worldbuilding. it’ll be super fun when i finish the current scene i’m sitting and get to introduce martyn pov. i lvoe writing Martyn pov

Lamplight AU

(Nov-present, 20k, 3L/LL, series) (link)

renchanting dnd au. i put ren in a lantern. what else do you need

wadda hell.

i cannot even begin to like--lamplight was literally supposed to be just 20 Questions and thats it, i wasn’t going to write more, but people liked it so much that i was like “sure, i’ll write a bit more” and you guys have been??? so kind. the amount of enthusiasm this fic has received thru kind tags/comments, asks and interest, and even art??? is equal parts deeply humbling and also incredibly likely to give me a god complex. this fic has been so much fun to write and my readers are the whole reason, i cant wait to show you what i have in store for the rest of it

six sentence sunday challenge

i also started a challenge back at the end of march of this year over on @driflew called Six Sentence Sunday. the rules are simple: every sunday, post six sentences you wrote that week.

i didn’t make it every week, but i made it a great deal of them. on occasion, i even posted 12 sentences the week after missing my six, meaning some weeks counted for two.

my six sentence sunday tag on that blog has 28 posts from the year! considering there’s only 52 weeks in a year, i started three months late, and a few of those weeks are actually two, i feel pretty good about the amount of weeks i made. not every week, but basically any week i didn’t have a good excuse not to complete my six sentences. it kept me writing all year, if only a little bit at a time, and i’ll be keeping up with it for sure!

to finish out,

i passed my writing amount from last year (25k) by over 10k words! my total number for this year doesnt even count the 7k or so from missing or obstructed i havent posted, plus an uncounted few hundred words of unposted snippets for lamplight. i’m really happy with everything i’ve done this year!

which… this year i wrote and posted 37,800+ words!

thank you to everyone who has supported my writing all year, as always, it means the world to me. happy birthday to me, and thank you to you for reading!

(birthday wishes and/or reblogs appreciated!)

#lew writes #lew writes wrapped

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princemick-archive · 2 years

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uh??? okay so, 1k???? so fucking rad man god that's cool, it's been like 7 months and already being at 1k is just rad as hell so thank you all sm for the love and support!!

now I'm gonna be cheesy and give a big s/o to some amazing moots I've met if u don't care for that don't go under the cut.

then it's just a big thank you and I'm gonna do a celebration gif request thing so look out for that post later!!!

so okay so you know it, your mom knows it, we all know who I'm doing first, my two favorite people on this godforsaken website

@antogioamoremio Fran, baby, I love you so much ur the glue that keeps our lil insane throuple together you're so kind and so caring and I can always talk to you about anything and it's so incredible to call you a friend. Your creativity and love and the way you always just get me is so fucking important to me. the calls we've had are forever burned into my brain as core memories and you are just so fucking important to me I can't express it in the right words.

@gruaigruaa Niamh, the third to our trouple my wife, you're incredible and so creative and good and the braindumps we've had w the three of us about insane aus and ships and it's so wonderful to have you in my life and I'm so fucking thankful for that. I can't imagine my life without you two rn. I can always talk, rant, scream to you two and I know you'll understand, react, respond in the way i need you two and I'm so happy i have that.

@spygate Luna, ur insane in the most affectionate way possible, everytime I get that notif that just goes 'kyle' I know I'm in for at least another hour of laughing at your texts and I love having that with you and you're so fun and easy to talk to and I love having you around so much.

@oscar-piastri Cassy, I'm pretty sure I've tagged u in every single milestone celebration I've ever done on this website. we've been mutuals for I'm guessing 4 to 5 years now which is insane and we just started talking bc of F1 and it's so fun to have u around and you're so insanely creative and I can always talk to you about ideas and edit shit and that's so incredibly amazing.

@acrosstobear amanda dude, we havent even been moots for to long but U deserve a special s/o for being the mick blog and giving me updates about him on the tl and feeding me so so well you're one of the the reasons I'm insane over mick so u deserve extra love

and then I'm just gonna talk about the two GCs because that's like a lot of people and they're like a lil heap.

watchpartygc: y'all, because of them I really got into F1, I learned so much and found out the coolest shit and I was so scared and intimidated when I first got into the GC bc I was so new but I was welcomed so quickly and I'm so happy to have y'all, you're the easiest group of people to talk to and I'm so happy to call y'all friends.

chircusgc: u lot are insane, haven't been in this GC for long but the time I have has been amazing and so funny and y'all are such a funny and creative group of people who bring out the best and worst in eachother, y'all are so easy to talk to and I'm so happy to have joined yall

and then the tags of all he amazing moots who I wanna thank for being here the last months who have been amazing and kind and supportive and just wonderful most of y'all are like heaped into those GCs (if I forgeot a gc member im so sorry aksjdb) so ajdbdkd anyway ya thank u all are wonderful, those that are in here and not in the gc's so many smootches to you thank you for all the love and support

@multi-2-1 @ivettel @gnmick @estiebestieban @gewistruther @mickstart @meova101 @vettelsbitch @andysrobertson @teamgreenheart @c2stan @gncharles @albertparkgp @balaclavalines @balaclavacharles @ferrariprince @brixworthbrackley @andreagrimes

if I forgot any of ya'll I'm so sorry all my moots are so amazing and wonderful and all the gc members especially ya'll make this lil fandom worth it

#kyle.txt #kyle.milestones #so rad yall ty ty ty

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stitchkiss · 1 year

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hey, love! can u answer all of them?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALL OF THEM!!!!! okay i will do it but only because you asked and i love you very much

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

well i only have 5 fics posted but probably this one because it’s my longest fic but i didn’t really expect a lot of recognition anyway because it’s a rare pair from a show that not many ppl like. it's not the best writing but worked hard on it and i’m proud of it and that’s really all i can ask for.

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

i really love when ppl point out sentences/situations and other things they like.

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

i struggled really hard with my first thiam fic. the responses are all amazing but i found it so difficult to write something so vulnerable

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

something that makes me want to give up is the fear that i wont be able to write how i want. what keeps me going is all the lovely cheerleaders in my corner<333

🌿how does creating make you feel?

happy. i love getting my ideas out there and i like practicing writing

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

tbh what i've written so far have all been fantasies. i haven't explored issues i face through writing yet but i do have ideas. i think my thiam stargazing fic was a kind of reflection of how i felt in a moment

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

im funny sometimes

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

there are literally year long gaps between my fics so yes they def have changed. i feel like im more sure of myself and my writing each time i post and hopefully my writing gets better every time too!

🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/ validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)

every time. i love treating myself. i try to hype myself up by reading what i wrote and it works sometimes.

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

all of these ofc but i think characters because they're the driving force of all my writing amd im scared i dont write them correctly or they dont come off in the way i want to. i also feel like specific word choices and phrases really make or break a fic.

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

the thiam stargazing one. you guys went nuts over it fr so thanks

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

i havent written anything really profound but i will say that there is a lot in my 18k caswen fic that i wish ppl would acknowledge.

🕯️I was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

thiam stargazing ofc. when i wrote it i felt like i was bigger than myself. idk how to explain it

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

ohhh my anne/winnie fic! i will say that this was very bold of me to write because this pair is rare. so rare in fact that my fic was the first posted on a03 for that ship! pretty girlboss of me

🍭why did you start writing?

because i had ideas in my head and i needed to get them out.

💎why is writing important to you?

i think it's important to me because this is a way for me to take a break from my life by writing others'

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

every single time i've posted a work i eat chinese food then take a phat nap to distract myself.

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

probably the thiam cod one bc it's funny

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

i like contributing to fandoms and ships and if i get praised along the way then that's alright with me too

💋when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer?

ur comments on my comment. did i understand it? did you think what i said ab x thing was funny? idk everything. im a social butterfly i thrive off communication

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

encouragement literally creates art. and friendships! i literally made so many friends by commenting on their fics and interacting with them in general. fr this has been a very fun two months for me inthe teen wolf/thiam fandom. im thriving here in a way i didnt in other fandoms because i actually took a chance and talked to ppl. i have aniety but i love talking to ppl so it worked out

🦕(i can’t find the stupid blue emoji thing so ur getting a dinosaur) what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/ posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

if my fic doesnt do well then that's not my business. ppl like what they like and yeah it's a dick move to not tell a creator/artist you like their stuff whether through comments or kudos bc its so east to click one little button before swiping out of the tab but! the real ones have my back and i know it. i dont expect a lot when i post for thiam because the show ended literally five years ago and this ship is relatively small compared to others so i dont think much of it. if my fic doesnt do well its not on me because i know i did good

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

mmm okay i know i posted a wip game last week but i only did half so i'll drop the other half here (this is a treat specifically for you jaque).

cuddle monster liam: liam is a leech and he clings to theo when they sleep. theo's a little confused but accepts it anyway. i have this scene i want to write and it's one of the first times liam cuccled with him and it the basic part of it is liam just nudges his head under theos arm like a puppy and nuzzles his face into theo's chest bc he's cold.

look you: this is more of a concept than anything but basically theo and liam have thing thing where they say "look, you" or some kind of variation of that when the other is being a little shit or self depreciating.

tfw you do a 30 day relationship challenge when ur not even in a relationship: so corey and mason do a 30 day relationship challenge and they rope theo and liam into doing it too. i got the challenge off some website and i was like yes. there's gonna be 31 parts in theory but they wont be super long i think. i need all the creative juices going for this one.

getting shot with an arrow had never been this fun: theo and liam are complete idiots and they manage to get impaled with the SAME arrow and are stuck together for Reasons. it's shenanigan city up in here as they navigate how to get help. the important thing is that they have fun !

the morey split: mason and corey break up (or take a break or just arent talking i havent decided yet) and its up to theo and liam to get to the bottom of this and get them back together! they are terrible at it.

okay i think im done now

#this is sort of long so if i need to put some of it behind a keep reading tab i will just lmk #ask #stitchkiss

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