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trinitywc · 6 months

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gosh, okay, just finished book 1, and I have to say- nuclear warfare as a narrative horror concept is so incredibly underused and something I wholly love about this work. the confusion and ominous clues being layed out (and for the people who know, *know*) about the process of radiation poisoning with the latency period of the sickness acting as a calm before the storm (wherein the building blocks of your DNA are ripped to shreds and there's no alleviating the pain until it takes you) was just- GUH. And the way that this factor is coupled with starvation, and Pinefrost being one of the only ones able to go out and hunt even when it's not her strongest skill and having the lives of her group hang over her head alongside the quiet judgement of her former mentor... So absolutely gut wrenching to break away from the building tensions and calamity of the battle and the explosion- everyone just saving who they *can* with and without prejudice, then bonding with those individuals under extreme circumstances only to slowly watch each and every one of them wither away. horrifying. I love it in the best way possible. I want to rub my face in it like a cat on a carcas of some dead thing.

so much of book 1 is about the us vs them mentality between creek and wood clan as told through pinepaw-then pinefrost- and in so many ways the tensions narratively reminded me of the cold war and the lead up to the chernobyl nuclear crisis (not even to mention the allusions to the trinity test though, I'm not sure if it's intentional or if I'm just reading too much into it as a nuclear radiation buff).

Then Pinefrost slowly coming to her own conclusions about the clan differences after working through the culture clash in a setting where borders no longer exist, and her surviving group at large is working against a common overarching biological threat that is indiscriminate. I particularly enjoy how she comes to respect woolycloud and can appreciate wood clan's memorializing dead comrades in a way that creek clan doesn't. it seems like she was raised in a setting where- while there was love from her remaining parent- there was a sentiment of detachment from everyone (possibly stemming from the anticipation of loss?) as they grew older and were cultured in an environment of extreme animositiy towards wood clan marketed as nationalism. the sentiment by the mentors focus wasn't based upon training noble warriors but rather good soldiers, and you either adapt and survive, or like mallowshine and her kits, are left behind as a single sacrifice to save instead the larger idea of what creek clan represents as opposed to the ones who make it creek clan. It really contextualizes mallowshine's previous animosity in a different light.

that being said, totally unrelated, but I love cuckoopaw and houndpelt- houndpelt in particular im radio ga ga over. like he's just truly giving heartthrob dad played by pedro pascal rizz. but, y'know, a cat. bereaved single fathers rise up! i'm rooting for him!!

"the confusion and ominous clues being layed out (and for the people who know, *know*)" - theres something so fun about the people who know going into this vs those who don't. i love seeing different peoples reactions, those who know the silverbirds/lights at night are bombing runs, those who work it out, and those who don't know until the bomb literally drops.

"about the process of radiation poisoning with the latency period of the sickness acting as a calm before the storm" nuclear radiation is HORRIFIC. I really wanted to get the 'grace period' of feeling better after the fire across so it was like a breather and 'okay we can deal with this' and then just no, here's your DNA melting. and of course, if you don't die immediately, its still within you, cancers and anemias down the line; but maybe thats spoiler territory. its a slow, creeping horror. nuclear radiation is always portrayed as creating monsters (godzilla, etc) or even heroes but the true horror is the reality of it.

"reminded me of the cold war and the lead up to the chernobyl nuclear crisis (not even to mention the allusions to the trinity test though" - trinity is absolutely a nod to the first test + how its three books + it just sounds cool. also for the Cold War well I studied politics lmao. it's technically not nationalism but like, tribalism or 'clan'ism (nationalism is about the creation of a nation in the political structures and... clans aren't nations but yeah semantics (read Waltz and Kohn), but I love Pinefrost having her world view challenged- is what she views to be the *truth* of CreekClan really true or is it just how she views it from the way she was brought up? someone like Chestnutspike believes CreekClan can change and be better, the 'Clan' itself is not the issue but the way it has been allowed to continue, Kiteheart views it only for war, Pinefrost feels constantly judged by it and sees it and WoodClan as systems that only guarantee a painful death. etc etc. I feel bad for Mallowshine to this day : /

"houndpelt in particular im radio ga ga over. like he's just truly giving heartthrob dad played by pedro pascal rizz. but, y'know, a cat. bereaved single fathers rise up! i'm rooting for him!!" this is contender for the most DERANGED Houndpelt comment, idk what you win but you win. im howling. i have an old piece of art of him in the drafts captioned as 'single father at 15' so im glad someone else gets his like, man reluctantly raising a younger child like it was his own, vibes. even if it was his choice, kinda, and hes like 22 but looks 44.

anyway, thank you so much!!!!! im so glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for such a lovely long ask!!!

#EEE i love this #thank you!!!#i hope you enjoy book 2 if you read it!!! we get into some fun radiation there #asks #warrior cats ocs

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decepti-geek · 1 year

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'The story of Persephone is inherently about a mother losing her daughter'

Sometimes, daughters want to be lost. Sometimes, they want to die. Sometimes they both wish to be dead and are terrified by the idea that something could kill them. Sometimes, the idea that they want to die is huge and horrifying in and of itself - and it is theirs.

Sometimes, they might only wish to die in a way they have control over. Sometimes, they are terrified when they face death in a way that is not of their choosing. Sometimes, the line between the two is blurred and scary in itself.

Sometimes, their mothers really do love them, and do not seek to harm them, and still make their daughters' desire for death all about themselves. About how the pain their daughter is experiencing hurts them, and how their daughters' desire to die causes them grief, and about how these feelings are Bigger and more Important than their ultimate source. And they end up harming their daughters anyway, as a result. With their very real, genuine love.

Why is the line pushed so much atm, that Persephone entering the underworld has to be primarily about Demeter, that all other focus is wrong? (The has to being the key thing here, as one interpretation it's great, but to insist upon it as the only valuable interpretation...?)

To me, that's like... there is so much real-world precedent, where people who live in a way that is close to death, being ill physically or mentally, are dehumanised and glossed over in favour of the pain experienced by the people who love them. Closeness to death is scary, but so much of the standard western societal approach is geared around recoiling from anything to do with it, and that includes recoiling from engaging with the people who have the most to do with it. It's easier to deal with it using a degree of removal, but some people legitimately do not have a choice about that.

In my mind, Persephone is one of those people. Within the story, she has no degree of removal from the idea of death. She's already in the underworld. Demeter is removed. She never enters the underworld, she sends others down there to interpret Persephone's experience for her. Why is it only Correct to focus on Demeter, as the grieving parent? Why can't we focus on Persephone, as the dying daughter? Even as the daughter who is unambiguously drawn towards death? Even through a romanticised lens? Even, maybe, without fully realising that that's what we're doing, but still feeling out the idea?

I've been that daughter, in all senses of it. I'm still here, I'm not dead, but I've brushed close to it. I didn't stop existing as a whole entire person, just because I went close to death and came back. I didn't become A Daughter, an abstract concept, a possession, something subsumed by a louder voice of pain, just because it was too painful to contemplate that I was hurting too. I sure as fuck don't think my mum's side of the story is the only side worth telling. I sure as fuck don't regard myself as a side character in my mum's confrontation with grief, as parsed through me like some kind of vessel.

#Hades and Persephone #Demeter #Persephone #Greek mythology #mythology #CW suicide

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pacificwaternymph · 1 year

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Fanfic writer ask game, sorry that this is a long list:

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

💌 How do you feel about comments and feedback?

💖 What made you start writing?

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

Any parent-child dynamic, especially of the found family variety, makes me go weak at the knees. Something about the unconditional love of parents, man. It just gets to me. So like any of Shrub and Xornoth's interactions in the Wolf Mother.

The chapter after the full moon detailing the aftermath, where Shrub learns that Xornoth jumped off the balcony and gradually grows more and more horrified as she realizes that once this kid actually becomes more comfortable being himself she is going to have her hands full? Had me dying.

I'm sure you'll notice hurt comfort is my BRAND. A lot of my works have themes of healing, dealing with complex emotions and trauma, and reconciliation, and put a heavy emphasis on deep interpersonal connections between the characters.

A good deal of my family does, actually. They've known about my writing ever since I've started. I've never let them, you know, read any of it, but like yeah they are aware of it. And as for friends, a fair number of my friends are also consumers and producers of fanfiction, so yeah they all know.

Not really? Whenever the motivation strikes. Which just so happens to be... right before I tell myself I'll go to bed.

Love love LOVE!! I adore hearing what you guys think of my stories, all of your ideas and suggestions and predictions, it's so so so wonderful to see that so many people read my stuff and like it, it's so surreal.

I had a really vivid image for a story in my head and was frustrated that I didn't have the art skills to draw it out. So I turned to using my words as an alternative. I've been doing this for about 5 years now.

Characters fearing being hurt in some capacity, only to be treated with kindness. This usually takes the form of a child character who is used to cruelty being adopted into a loving family, but also fairly frequently shows up as an antagonist I'm attempting to redeem expecting some sort of harsh punishment for their actions and instead being faced with, if not forgiveness, then at the very least a willingness to hear them out and a demonstration of the heroes' goodness.

Depends. Sometimes I'll completely wing it, like me not doing any research for my pirate au and just going by vibes alone, but for some specific things as well as topics I want to be able to give an accurate and respectful depiction of (such as disabilities, different cultures, religions, etc.) I'll go a little more in depth with my efforts.

Snippet beneath the cut:

Having wings was… different.

Xornoth wasn’t quite sure how he felt about them yet. Growing another pair of limbs overnight wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience, to say the least. He could only remember vague flashes, a searing pain in his back that wouldn’t abate no matter what he did. He remembered a hand in his hair and concerned voices surrounding him. But other than that… nothing.

He’d faded in and out of reality the entire time, horrific flashbacks so lifelike Xornoth almost could have sworn they were real plaguing his every moment. But the one thing he knew for sure was that his mom had been there the whole time.

- The first couple of paragraphs from chapter fifteen of the Wolf Mother

#ask game #she speaks!!#kid xornoth au

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pyrrhiccomedy · 4 years

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Hi! Would you ever consider doing that spirited TED talk about why Lovecraft now appeals specifically to the marginalized people he hated? I'm trying to make sense of it myself and it would really help to hear your informed opinion!! Sorry if you have already written about it or if it's maybe too personal! Hope you guys are doing well during the lockdown :)

Yeah, sure.

Lovecraft’s work deals intimately with the pain and fear associated with feeling alienated from your community, your ancestors, and even yourself.

A lot of his stories are about how there is something ‘different,’ about you or the people around you, that fills you with unease, but is also difficult to define. Your family feels malevolent to you; you feel like everyone in your small town is watching you, or has bad intentions towards you; you know that there’s something that just isn’t RIGHT about yourself.

Your community might want to force you into a religion, or even a partnership, that seems unspeakable to you, and which fills you with horror.

Sound familiar?

These themes are relatable to LGBT people, to disabled people, to non-neurotypical people, to biracial people, or to people of color who are being raised in communities in which they are an overwhelming minority.

The Shadow Over Innsmouth is probably Lovecraft’s most famous story. It’s about being trapped in a small town where everyone is a part of a terrifying religion that personally hates you, everyone is being forced into horrifying heterosexual couplings of in which one of the partners is a literal monster, for the purpose of breeding, and in which the protagonist survives, escapes, and the government bluntly condemns his tormentors.

As a gay little kid growing up in conservative Maine, this was big for me.

In the end, the narrator of Shadow Over Innsmouth realizes he’s descended from the cultists of this town, and that he is becoming the thing he previously hated and feared. I also was afraid of never getting out of my town, and one day turning into someone just like the people who made my life miserable. To me, it read like a horrible cautionary tale: get out, and don’t look back. What’s going on here is wrong, and you need to pull yourself away, before the pressures of your family & community turn you into one of them.

But that’s The Shadow Over Innsmouth: a story which features alien miscegenation, sure, but not usually one of the stories that gets specifically called out when people talk abot how racist Lovecraft was.

The White Ape is probably the most racist thing Lovecraft ever wrote (also titled Facts Concerning the Late Arthur Jermyn and His Family). It’s about a man who goes to Africa, falls in love with an ape, successfully reproduces with it, and then all of his descendants are criminals and madmen, with unpleasant, twisted appearances. It’s told from the POV of one of his more distant descendants, who uncovers this information while researching his own geneology, and, upon discovering that there’s an ape in his lineage, commits suicide by dousing himself in lighter fluid and setting himself on fire.

Yikes.

And yet...this story speaks to me, too. There’s a history of serious alcoholism in my family. My mother was an alcoholic. I asked questions: her father was an alcoholic, and suffered from hallucinations as well. His father was also an alcoholic, and he beat his wife and children savagely. And his parents? I don’t know. No one was ever willing to talk to me about it. But every generation I looked back, there was more abuse, more mental illness, more violence.

The idea that, if I could look back far enough, I could discover a progenitor that had poisoned our entire family was something I dwelled on, as a kid. Would I want to know the truth? Would it make any difference? Would I have some kind of crisis if I found out that I was a descendant of a rapist, or a murderer? How would I react if I learned that I was a part of a cycle of violence and substance abuse that no one before me had managed to escape?

The White Ape is super, super racist, obviously, but it’s not just racist. Taken another way, it’s a story about dysfunction being passed down within a family. It’s a sins-of-the-father story. And if you come from an abusive home, that’s compelling.

Look, Lovecraft was a mega racist. He was also a man who struggled with mental illness his entire life, who had watched both of his parents die in mental asylums, and who never found success in his life. He was afraid all the time, and he wrote about how frightening the world was to him, and how he never felt like he was truly a part of it.

The racism sucks.

The rest of it, if you’re a person who has been mistreated or marginalized, can really resonate.

#callofcthulhu #needlessly-unkind

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jamiemackenziefraser · 3 years

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All That Was Fair

Chapter 12: Billows and Breeze

Summary: Burning questions pave the way for a few much-needed answers.

Read on AO3

Read chapter 12 on tumblr below the cut:

Previous, master list, next

A/n: I’m back, thanks so much for your patience! As usual, this chapter picks up directly where the last left off, so it might be good to glance at the previous chapter if you want a refresher.

Chapter 12: Billows and Breeze

***

After the unfortunate incident with the knife, Claire had been reluctant to leave his side, still buzzing with worry over him. She’d gotten herself well and truly worked up, and Jamie thought that they needed to do something lighthearted and low-stakes. The day so far had been so charged with tense energy that Jamie thought perhaps being outside in the familiarity and tranquility of nature would do her some good.

“Do ye fancy a hike?” he asked Claire, who was sitting curled up on the couch. Immediately remembering that “hike” was likely not a word in her vocabulary, he amended, “a wee walk about outside?”

Claire’s face brightened instantly and she perked up. “Oh can we? I feel so stuffed up!”

Jamie was proud of himself for once again correctly guessing what would be good for her. Perhaps he had her figured out now…

Thus the preparations began. It was an unseasonably warm day for autumn in Scotland, so Jamie was comfortable with Claire wearing one of the armload of dresses provided she also wore his jacket. Most of them still lay on the chair where he’d deposited them the night before. He grabbed one out for Claire, handed it to her, and then she disappeared off to change. When all of the rest of the dresses had been draped over his arm to bring upstairs, he noticed the book laying on the chair. The Woman of Balnain.

Alarm bells went off in his head, and his curiosity peaked, but he didn’t have any time to spare to look into the book. It’d have to wait. As he tossed the clothes upstairs in the guest bedroom, he took a stop by his office to place the book on his desk. Soon.

For his own preparations, he suited up in his well-loved hiking boots, packed a backpack of water and snacks, and considered their destination. Claire likely wasn’t interested in a car journey (she’d had enough excitement for one day), so perhaps just a walk about his property and a stroll to the neighboring monro. It truly was beautiful: the heather was in full bloom this time of year, turning the hills into sweeping seas of purple. Claire would love it.

So, they escaped out the back door and set out side-by-side along his property. They weren’t touching, just amicably basking in each other’s nearness. About two steps in, Jamie realized he needed to slow his pace. His long legs and inexhaustible hiker’s energy would far outpace his wee faerie.

“I never thought tae ask…” Jamie began as they walked along, Claire’s face upturned toward the sunlight peeking through the clouds, “how old are ye?”

“Oh…” she looked down shyly and then glanced back up at him from under her lashes, “I'm quite young really, I’m only 9 and 30.”

Jamie’s mouth fell open. He was incredibly taken aback by this, having pegged her to be about his age if not younger, but quickly decided he could take it in stride.

“‘Quite young?’” he chuckled, “ye’re practically a granny compared tae me, lass. I’m 29.”

“29!” she exclaimed, as if she had just told her that he was the bloody queen rather than a decade younger than her, “but you’re so… why don’t you live with your parents?”

Jamie nearly tripped over a stone in his path but managed to right himself before toppling over. Claire had stopped walking the moment “29” had left his mouth, and she was staring at him with a concerned gaze that uncomfortably reminded Jamie of how an adult might look at a lost child.

But the pieces were beginning to fall into place in his brain, and he wiped his sweaty palms on his thighs as he gathered his thoughts. With a glance at Claire and then a tilt of his head, they resumed walking.

“I sense that maybe there’s a wee difference between lifespans of humans and the fair folk…” he began uncertainly, “Humans only stay wi’ their parents until they are 18 or so. Besides, I lost my mam when I was young, and my da a few years back.”

He wasn’t sure exactly what possessed him to share that last intimate detail with her, superfluous to the point as it was. He hardly ever talked about his parents’ deaths to people, and it disconcerted him a bit how easily it came tumbling from him now. Apparently a deep part of him wanted to share everything with her.

“Ye said ye’re quite young…” he continued, and a horrifying thought suddenly struck him, “you didna still live wi’ yer parents before ye came through the stones, did ye?”

Oh Christ what if she was only a child by fae terms! She looked his age but…

His head began to spin, but she thankfully answered before he could work himself up any further.

“No. I suppose things are a little different for the fair folk. We are taken care of by our parents until around 30 years of age or so. But I’ve been on my own for far longer than that. I… I lost my parents as well. When I was very young. I can hardly remember them really…”

She gave a little tilt of the head, trying to keep the mention of tragedy casual, but he could see the pain in her eyes that wouldn’t meet his.

Jamie’s heart ached for her, tinged with the familiar longing for his own parents. It seemed they really were kindred spirits— him and Claire— two lost souls who’d somehow come to find each other.

“I’m sorry, lass,” he said huskily, “so that’s what ye meant when ye’d said ye’d been takin’ care of yerself yer whole life? Did ye no’ have other family?”

Claire shrugged her shoulders a little, as if her clothes were too tight, and shook her head, her curls billowing in the gentle breeze to hide half of her face. He knew she wasn’t hiding from him intentionally, but it still made his heart clench to see her discomfort.

“Not really. But the fair folk are rather communal. We are often near each other, even if we don’t live as a family unit per say. Others made sure I was well, and I had friends and other fae around, but mostly I’ve been—”

She left the word “alone” unspoken, but the meaning was clear. The undeclared word seemed to linger in the air between them, weighty and heart-wrenching.

At this new declaration, Jamie couldn’t help but reach out and take her hand. She wasn’t alone anymore after all. Maybe she felt that way, but Jamie would be damned if it were true. He wouldn’t leave her. Her wee hand slipped easily into his, and he allowed his thumb to drift over the peaks and valleys of her knuckles.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed. What else could he say in the midst of such loss?

“What about you?” she asked, her natural radiance suddenly coming through in her smile, dissipating the heavy topic’s dark cloud, “will you tell me more about your sister?”

Jamie couldn’t help a sheepish smile. “Aye, Janet is her real name. After we lost our mam when I was around 8 or so, Jenny became sort of a mother tae me. She was always there when I needed her, and— weel…” he let out a bit of a laugh, thinking about the earlier blow up with Jenny, “she’s always there now, sometimes too much when she’s sticking her neb intae my business… but I’m glad she’s there. I love her verra much.”

Claire gave him a sweet nod and squeezed his hand. “I can tell she’s important to you.”

Apologies rose in Jamie’s throat along with the resurfaced guilt from earlier. He had told the one person who mattered most to him that Claire meant nothing, and both of them were aware of it. But as much as he was bursting to lay himself at her feet and explain his mistake all over again, he’d already been forgiven, so it was time for him to move past it.

His thoughts were interrupted by Claire letting out an exclamation. They had just rounded the edge of the monro, revealing the expanse of rolling heather— its purple waves spread into a picturesque canvas across the landscape.

“Bonny, is it no’?” he asked, a hint of pride creeping into his voice.

“It’s beautiful,” she uttered in wonderment.

Feeling like a protagonist in a romance novel, he held tightly to her hand and led her through the field. Her skirt billowed in the breeze behind her, and her face was lit up with a serene joy. Riotous curls swept all around her head, and Jamie was enthralled. He found himself walking almost completely backward so he could watch her face as she took in the beautiful sights.

He could admit to himself that it was cheesy, but to him, Claire would always be the most beautiful view.

If only he could tell her that… To bring them to a halt, gather her into his arms, and kiss her until she was breathless…

He had to squeeze his eyes shut before the longing took him over. The words he always repeated to himself came to the forefront of his mind.

You can be her friend, her anchor, but nothing more. She’s lost everything, ye canna take advantage of her. Pull yerself together.

And so he did. He wiped all thoughts of kissing her from the slate of his mind— imaging a whiteboard of the errant imaginings being erased— and grounded himself in the moment.

“Have ye ever seen a place like this?” he asked.

She shook her head, still smiling in delight. “We don’t usually wander out as far as the moors. Well, some do. Some have experienced a great deal. But I hadn’t ever left my forest before now.”

He nodded, going silent as his imagination overwhelmed him with images of him taking Claire to the beaches of Greece. Her joy as she took in the crystal blue waters, her dropping to her knees to grab handfuls of sand, her body clad only in a bikini as she jumped into the waves...

A question suddenly struck him and pulled him rudely from his fantasy.

“Do the fair folk read?”

She looked at him, uncertain. “Read?”

He thought back to their adventure at the bookstore. She hadn’t actually asked him about the books, but she hadn’t made any indication she knew what they were either. It had been an overwhelming day; he couldn’t blame her for not asking about every single thing when it was all unfamiliar.

“Do you have language in a written form? With symbols?” he expanded.

She gave a little shake of her head and looked curiously at him. “We communicate verbally, like we’re doing now. What is reading?”

And thus, Jamie set into the best explanation he could manage. About communication, learning, writings surviving the years to give insights into ancient ways, the power of stories in human culture.

“We tell many stories,” Claire told him during a break in his explanation, “all passed down from one generation to the next. Like I said at the gardens, language is everything to us.”

He nodded thoughtfully. Jamie’s curiosity about the fair folk was well and truly peaked, and as they walked along, enjoying the serenity of the warm day and the feeling of earth under their feet, he launched into more questions.

“This may be a difficult question tae answer, but… how are ye alive if ye dinna eat? I mean… humans get energy from things we eat, where do you get yers?”

“Well… I suppose a simple way to explain it is we get energy from everything around us.” She made a wide, encompassing gesture to their surroundings.

“Like from the sun? Like plants do?” Jamie’s brain was running away with thoughts of Claire going through the process of photosynthesis.

“No, it’s… it’s hard to explain. It’s more like… I just tap into the energy of the earth. I don’t really know how else to say it.” Claire gave him a bit of a helpless smile, and Jamie returned one in dismissal of the topic. It didn’t matter to him so much how exactly it worked so long as it did.

“Okay, one more question,” he asked, hoping he hadn’t already pushed her too far with his curiosity.

But his fears were assuaged when she answered indulgently, “you can ask me as many as you want, Jamie.”

That got his head spinning. What he really wanted to know was about relationships between the fae. Did they have marriage? He longed to ask her (and maybe get down on one knee depending on the answer), but he bit his tongue. It wouldn’t do to be scaring the lass with a daft question when he couldn’t even keep his feelings in check. No, he’d save that one for another day.

“I appreciate it, lass, but jes’ one more for now. From the stories I’ve heard from my mam… and that many people believe in Scotland, ye’re supposed to leave offerings of milk and sweets— food— for the fair folk tae eat. But ye dinna eat, so…”

Claire let out a laugh then. Not one of mocking or disdain, but pure enjoyment. And it lit up Jamie’s soul to hear even though he had no idea why it was she was laughing.

“You humans think you have us all figured out. That one, my lad, is one you all made up completely on your own. I’m sure half of the things you believe are mere superstition,” she answered with an entertained gleam in her eye.

Jamie could have talked to her for hours, deciphering which of the scottish legends were true or man-made, unraveling the secrets that made up his mysterious faerie, but he noticed she was starting to droop a bit. Her pace had slowed, and despite the wide smile still gracing her face, Jamie thought it was time to turn around.

“Come now, lass, let’s go home.”

She gave a grateful nod, and with that, they turned back. On the way home, Jamie began to explain all about his job. About the publishing company— his whole livelihood based on stories. Claire seemed to lighten at that, and Jamie started to mentally catalogue which books he’d have to read to her first, imagining her delight as she was introduced to all different kinds of worlds and knowledge.

The sun was just beginning to go down as the cottage came in sight. The clouds were lit in a warm golden light, and specks of it sparkled in Claire’s hair. Rather like the color of the aura around her— he thought. He looked at her then, really looked, and saw the soft shimmering cloud, barely visible in the golden sunlight. They were no longer holding hands, but he thought if he took just one step closer, he could feel the warmth of it. Indulging himself, he did, and found it to be just like it always was. A sense of well-being, of serenity, of Claire.

“Would ye like another shower, a nighean?” he asked as they stepped inside the house and he took the jacket from her.

She looked quite excited by this idea. “Oh yes, please.”

He inflated with the pride of pleasing her and had to hide his smile as he hung their jackets on the hook.

“Well alright then. But only if I can take one after ye, I must smell worse than the underside of a stag.”

Much to his surprise (and perhaps even horror), Claire suddenly was on top of him, her face pressing against his shoulder and hands casually rested on his sides, holding him still. There was the sound of a deep inhale, and then she withdrew her face with a smile.

“I think you smell wonderful,” she said sweetly, without a hint of sarcasm in her tone or guileless eyes.

Jamie laughed out loud, his chest heaving with the force of it. Claire laughed along with him, although he wasn’t entirely sure what she was laughing about.

Overcome by his giddiness (the lass had just smelled his oxter and liked it for Christ’s sake!), he leaned in and caught her around the waist. Holding her body against him, he lowered his head and took a whiff of her neck. His nose brushed the skin there, and she began to squirm against him, the softness of her clouding his mind.

“Ye smell like…”

His words cut off as she struggled playfully, making him laugh. The squirming only egged him on, and he easily held her incapacitated as he sniffed again, this time on the other side of her neck. She pushed half-heartedly at his chest, but at the same time, she seemed to be leaning closer to his touch.

He had been planning to tease her, to finish his sentence by listing whatever horrible smell he could think of and demanding she shower immediately, but he found that when he really thought about it, she smelled fresh as a summer rose. Like the heather of the fields and crispness of the breeze.

Of course she did, the lass didna drink, she likely didna sweat either.

Just another enchanting thing about her— she would always smell intoxicating.

“Actually ye smell good,” he finished lamely.

His hands fell from her waist, releasing her, and she pushed away from him while continuing to laugh.

“Well I’d like that shower either way,” she teased.

As he headed toward the bathroom to turn it on for her, he began to berate himself over their little display. His eyes squeezed shut with the force of his embarrassment.

That was something a couple would do. Not friends. He’d been overcome by flirting in the moment, the nearness of her that seemed to make him lose his heid. He’d stepped over a line.

The feeling of her squirming in his arms, of holding her body against him, lingered in his mind long after he’d left Claire to her shower. He sat down at the kitchen table and buried his head in his hands.

He had to get himself together.

While Claire showered, Jamie needed to take care of real life. Food was first-and-foremost, and then he had to set about the task of taking more time off work. There was no way he could leave her. That was the same thing he’d told himself the last few days, and Jamie briefly wondered if he ever would be able to. It certainly wasn’t getting any easier.

As he pulled out his phone to shoot Ian a clipped and matter-of-fact text about yet another absence, Adso gave him a green stare of disapproval from his perch on the coffee table.

“What are ye judgin’ me for?” he asked the cat indignantly.

Adso simply gazed at him some more, even and unwavering in his haughty objection.

Jamie sighed heavily, “I guess ye’re right,” he told the cat, “I’ll call him. Now stop eyin’ me like that.”

Whipping out his phone, he reluctantly initiated the call.

“Hi, Jamie,” Ian answered, seeming rather muted compared to his usual exuberant greetings.

“Hello, a charaid,” Jamie said, and then there was a long silence. Guilt was seeping into his brain at the thought of possibility driving his family away. The cat really had convicted him…

“Listen, I am—” “Jamie, I wanted tae—” they both started at the same time.

“I’ll go,” Ian volunteered, “I wanted tae tell ye that I’m sorry we ambushed ye this mornin’. Ye’re right. Ye’ve worked hard wi’ out a single day off in years, ye deserve a vacation if that’s what ye’re needin’.”

“Thank you, Ian. I’m sorry, too. I shouldna have blown up at ye and ignored yer calls. I’ve jes’ been… sortin’ through some things.”

“I understand that,” Ian chuckled.

“Listen, were ye serious? About me takin’ as many days as I need?”

“Of course.”

“Then ye willna bite my heid off when I ask ye for the rest of the week?”

“Ye’re a canny one makin’ me say it before ye drop that bomb on me… Of course, Jamie. Take the time ye need. Ye’d tell me if anythin’s wrong, wouldn’t ye? Ye ken ye can talk tae me about anythin’?”

Jamie’s heart clenched. “Of course, Ian. Thank you. Listen, I hafta go, but I’ll see ye soon, aye?”

“Aye. And Jamie… maybe gi’ yer sister a call? I ken she wants tae apologize.”

“Alright, Ian,” he answered rather noncommittally, still stinging from their fight, “Bye, a charaid.”

With Ian’s quick goodbye, Jamie hung up and sat back heavily in his chair, sighing at Adso— who was looking smugly satisfied over making Jamie do the right thing. There was barely a moment of silence between them before he thought about the fact that Claire had been in the shower an awfully long time.

“Wee besom’ll use up all my hot water,” he grumbled at Adso on his way toward the bathroom to check on her.

Not that he really minded in the slightest. Claire could use up all the hot water and leave him taking cold showers for the rest of his days and he would just thank God that it meant she was with him.

***

#all that was fair #update #claire x jamie #outlander fanfiction #fae claire #outlander fanfic

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zwiezraczek · 4 years

Note

I just love your writing and what you did with my other Billy request so here you have another one with him. (There will probably be more) She/Her 14 Y/N's having a bad day and Billy don't know what to do to cheer her up. I'm living for cute Billy angst for some reason 🤔 Thank you and take your time, no stress 😊

Wounded [Blurb]

Part 1 Love at First Sight - Part 2 - Part 3

14. "You need a hug, I shall provide" // Having a bad day and Billy doesn't know how to do to cheer you up + never enough angsty fluffy Billy

~~~

Today was probably the worst day of your life. Of what remained of your life. The day of your own death. The one One roughly planned, it didn't go as well as intended, but you were here, with the Ghosts calling you Eight. And not with your family, that believed you were happy when alive, but you weren't. What a selfish decision you made, probably making your mother cry during the funeral you couldn't attend because of this fake death gone wrong. But you found a family there, people worth living for, you found Four, probably your soulmate in this afterlife. But even them couldn't make this day less unbearable.

Three was the first one to help you doing some research to find a way to see your parents, no matter how – even if you were the informatics genius of the team, you couldn't collect yourself to do this without crying – and he succeeded. You had access to your parent's fridge camera, and the one on top of the tv. With watery eyes, you looked at the screen, Three's hand on your shoulder as you watched your mother cooking something for your dad in the kitchen. She was there, looking at you without knowing it. You could hear her hum some songs as she used to while cooking: now a blessing to your ears. From that moment, you spent most of your time with your phone, looking at your parents whenever you could, whenever you felt the need to.

And this was how you found out about your parents wanting to mourn you on that special day, on this first anniversary, by doing all the things you loved: go to your favorite restaurant, watch your favorite movies and tv shows, listen to your favorite music, buy your favorite snacks... They wanted a part of you to spend the day with them, and you did, you watched them spending the day with you and somehow you spent the day with them. And honestly, you couldn't stop yourself from crying your eyes out, with a small pause when they went to the restaurant and you to the Ghosts' kitchen to grab something to eat. A hoodie on your head, red eyes, and everybody knew, implicitly as you walked in, silently heading towards the fridge to grab something consistent to eat. Four tried to talk to you, but you only looked at him shortly before turning your back and going out. You told him you wanted to see nobody on that day, you told him that it wasn't against him but if you'd spend the day with him you would cry forever, complain forever and be a huge mess to deal with: and the point was that you didn't want to be a huge mess in front of him, not for an entire day.

He felt hurt, a bit, maybe more. He wanted to share your pain, but you couldn't collect yourself to share this moment with him, not before you managed to get used to it. But still, Four spent the day in the empty pool, skateboarding alone, or with Five by his side and talking about how he wanted to be here for you, but you didn't. His family left him, he had no one in his previous life, and the ones he trusted turned out to let him die so he couldn't understand why you cared that much, because he knew your parents thought you were happy and never tried to see through the veil you were putting on your face. He was mad at them for letting you spiral into a kind of depression, almost letting One kill you, he wasn't ready to understand that despite this they cared much about you. This was strange for him. You cared for people who didn't care enough for you. But they still cared and wanted the best for you, not succeeding, but wanting. And now, bleeding because you weren't there.

Curled up on your couch, you held the phone next to your face, waiting for them to come back. They came in with a large bag of groceries and you watched them unpack all the things you loved, all the things you missed here. You saw your mother cry, and your father too. This was too much, but not enough to make you turn off the phone. You brushed your fingers against the device, sobbing slowly. You wished you were there.

“I miss her,” she whispered into your dad's ear, you could hardly hear what she was saying through her sobs.

“I miss her too,” he replied, voice cracking slowly as he embraced your mother tightly.

“I miss you both,” you managed to articulate, tears falling on the screen before you wiped them wit the sleeve of your hoodie and pressed the phone against your heart. “It hurts how much I miss you.”

You felt like shit. Crying, hiccuping, with puffy red eyes and weight on your chest. You felt the pain they had, you shared it and wanted to take it away from them. But you couldn't, andthat was all your damn fault. If you could only turn back time, choose to ignore One and tell him to fuck off and continue living your boring life, just for them to be happy. Just for them. Just for them. Everything became blurry from your sobs, the trailer was spinning around as you wiped your tears with the hoodie and some tissues, eating ice cream as your parents watched your favorite movie together, remembering how much you loved it and telling what you would say here and there. And they were right. They knew you too well, they cared. They truly did. And you couldn't take this anymore, not alone.

You knew you told Four that you wanted to be alone today, but now you needed him. You needed somebody or you would die, for real this time. This was too much to take for you, and you thought you could handle it, turned out you couldn't. Luckily, he was back from the pool with Five, and he opened, tired eyes, in his white sweater and shorts. The look on his face was strange, he seemed horrified, anxious, lost, and all he wanted right now was to soothe your painful eyes as much as he could.

“Hey love,” you whispered between two sobs, “can I... Come in? Please?”

“Don't ask love, please, come in,” he replied, letting you in, as you slowly entered his trailer. And you stood there, in the middle of the room, awkwardly, as if you were a child waiting for their parents to tell them what to do, what to think, how to feel.

“Can I have a hug?” You finally managed to ask for it, your voice cracking as he opened his arms with a little smile.

“You need a hug, I shall provide,” he replied as you rand into his arms, desperate, sobbing, crying into his chest and not being able to catch your breath. You tried to speak, but the words coming out of your mouth were only blabbers, not understandable. He gently stroke your hair, putting small kisses on top of your head. “I love you, I love you,” he repeated, pulling you closer.

“I disappeared from their lives like, like, like... Like I never cared,” you cried out with difficulty. You embraced him stronger, as if your life relied on him right now, and indeed you were here thanks to him.

“You cared, you care, love,” he reassured you, never stopping putting gentle kisses on top of your head. “You did the right thing, love, and I can only imagine how difficult it is for youlove, but you did the right thing for yourself, you truly did, huh, look at me love, please,” he asked, his voice tender and reassuring. You looked up at him, looking like a mess, and he kissed your forehead then put his against yours and whispered. “You did the right thing, they would be proud I'm sure, they would be proud to know that they have such a wonderful daughter saving the world with a bunch of people. I'm sure they still are proud of who you are.”

He managed to calm you down a little, only hiccups now. His words were a compress to your bleeding heart, to your pained mind and to your wounded body. And he continued to whisper you how much he loved you as he held you in his arms, closely, to never let you go.

#okay i'm super happy that you enjoyed the first one i did!!! 💕💕💕#there's never enough requests feel free to drop them in my box! 💕#yes angsty and fluffy billy are just wow #and thank you again 💕#ben hardy #four x reader #four!ben #four/billy #four ben hardy #ben hardy four #6 underground ben hardy #6 underground #six underground ben hardy #six underground #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy blurbs #blurb

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imaginejamesandsirius · 4 years

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Hey! I'm honestly in love with your stories. If it's not too much trouble I would like to request something. I have this head canon that James was the one with puppy eyes among the marauders. Can we get a little long story about them affecting Sirius? Only if you have time...ty

It wasn't fair. If anyone should have puppy eyes, it should be Sirius. Like, hello?? He was the one that could shift into a dog, it made perfect sense for him. But James? He was a deer! There was such a thing as doe eyes, sure, but that's not what James was doing. Doe eyes indicated a sense of innocence, whereas puppy eyes was using the wide-eyed look for evil. Like when Sirius said they should get pissed on Ogden's and James wanted to sneak out to buy chocolates. Instead of listening to Sirius's argument like an adult-- "James, c'mon you gotta think about how it's gonna feel when I blow you after taking a shot."-- James looked at him with this big arse eyes and said all plaintively, "But I want to get chocolates." And what could Sirius do in that situation but give in? It was completely bonkers that James had done that to him.

It would be one thing if James only did it to Sirius, but he pulled it on Peter and Remus too! Remus wanted to do his homework, and James pulled out the puppy eyes so they ended up sneaking out to have a pint at Hog's Head. Peter wanted to ask Mary on a date, but James looked at him with the wide puppy eyes so he ended up grabbing ice cream from the kitchens for everyone.

James and Sirius were passing a bottle of rum back and forth when Sirius finally said something to him about it. More like he'd been thinking about it-- because he'd wanted to try lemon vodka but James had wanted rum, and he pulled out the puppy eyes, so rum they got-- and said, "You're using your powers for evil and it's not nice," like he expected for James to know what he was talking about.

"Hm? I wasn't aware I had powers. Much less that I was being evil about them." He frowned. "With them. You know what I mean. Why am I evil?" he asked, pulling out the wide eyes again. They weren't quite to puppy levels yet, but it was getting pretty damn close.

"That!" Sirius said, pointing at his eyes. "That right there."

"My glasses?" he asked, frowning in confusion. He took them off and looked at them, frown deepening. "What did they do?"

"Not that," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "These." He put his fingers in circles and held them up to James's eyes. "Your bloody puppy eyes, they're going to kill us all. Mostly me. Because I'm around them all the time. I swear to Merlin, it's like you're trying to make me fall in love with you even more than I already am. Does the word overkill mean anything to you?"

James tilted his head, Sirius's fingers moving with the motion. "That's the first time you've said that to me."

"That you don't know what overkill means?" Sirius asked, dropping his hands back to his side.

"That you love me. Aww," he crooned, putting his hands on Sirius's cheeks and smushing, "you looooove me."

"Everyone loves you, shut it," Sirius mumbled.

"Not true, you big goof," James said. He was grinning like a loon, and he gave Sirius a very sloppy kiss. "You love me. You love me, you love me," he sing-songed. "Oh, did I say I love you too?"

"You say it all the time," Sirius muttered. He was clearly not drunk enough for this, since he still felt embarrassed by his confession.

"Well yeah, but it only seemed fair to say it back."

"Say what? I didn't say anything. Nothing at all."

James laughed, pulling Sirius into a hug that was nice, if a terrible angle. "Love you too."

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked.

James looked up at him from where he was kneeling over Sirius's trunk, his eyes going wide with- oh no. Sirius's heart skipped a beat, and mentally, he swore. James could get away with bloody murder if he gave Sirius those puppy eyes. Honestly. He could be covered in blood with guts in his hands, and Sirius would still say, "It's okay honey, you wouldn't hurt a fly." James blinked, then perked up like seeing Sirius was the absolute best part of his day. "Sirius!" Then he jumped to his feet and threw his arms around Sirius's shoulders. "Do you have my Snap deck?"

"No, Remus borrowed it, remember?"

"Oh, duh," he said with a roll of his eyes. He pressed a smacking kiss to Sirius's cheek, and Sirius forgot all about it until that night when he was trying to get to sleep.

The puppy eyes did not get better over time. Sirius had-- irrationally-- hoped that the puppy eye manipulation would stop after a while. Like oh, they were adults now, with a house and everything, they could have normal conversations like normal people. Only James couldn't stop doing it.

Sometimes it was on purpose. Sometimes James wanted Italian when Sirius wanted Chinese, and he would very purposefully give Sirius A Look and whaddya know, they got Italian.

Other times it was an accident. Probably. They'd be fighting and James would get hurt and his eyes would go all wide, and suddenly Sirius felt like the biggest piece of scum to walk the earth. James liked being right and all, but he wouldn't manipulate Sirius that way. It was just a pain in the arse to deal with.

"I want a kid."

"Your own?"

James laughed, snuggling closer to Sirius's chest. "Course, who else?"

"I dunno, maybe you wanted to steal one."

"That's a weird way of describing adoption," James said.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "It doesn't count as stealing if they offer it to you."

"So you thought I was suggesting taking one off the street?"

"Well it was more of a joke than an actual theory, but yeah."

James shifted to look at him and- Sirius sighed. Why did he even bother, at this point. This was the way it always ended, there was no reason to keep fighting it-- but he also wasn't going to let it go because he wasn't a little wuss and he was going to fight his battles if it killed him.

"I guess we're looking into adoption."

James's entire face brightened. "Really? You don't need to- I dunno, think about it more or summat?"

"You've mentioned kids before, so... y'know, I've been thinking it over. We'll bugger them up, but that's what all parents do."

"We'll figure it out," James said, putting his head back down. "I'm pretty sure that's also something all parents do: guess and hope for the best."

"Yeah," Sirius said, but he was thinking about the horrifying possibility that James would teach their kid the puppy eyes too, and then Sirius would have no refuge.

#prongsfoot #james potter #sirius black #marauders #fanfic #filled #hogwarts time #post hogwarts #established relationship #no voldemort au #siriuslystarbucks #Anonymous

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scattered--pages · 4 years

Note

For the Lukanette lyrical prompt: "And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't/So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road/And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope/It's a shot in the dark and right at my throat", cause Florence is love

Notes: Ummm, so, I love you?! Because Florence really is love and omg this song ♡ Thank you heaps for this prompt, dear!!

Send me lyrics as a prompt for a Lukanette ficlet or a drabble? ♡

________________________________________________________

Shake It Out

Rating: Teen+

Word count: 2759 (okay, whoops, this ended up being longer than I planned ♡)

_________________________________________________________

About a year and a half has passed since Marinette has received the humbling, but painfully difficult task of being the Guardian of all the Miraculous. It was a role that was exhilarating, beyond exciting, a chance to grow like none other before and it ended up brining far more positive things along than she thought it ever would. However – after a very good start and after almost a year of handling everything somewhat well, Marinette got tired. Stressed. And afraid. And so, this also brought far more negative effects in ways she didn’t really even imagine initially.

Of course, the ever-rising thought of her making a wrong mistake, a bad choice, a slip-up with consequences far too grave and any or all of these resulting in the doom of entire Paris or the fate of the Miraculous, but the consequences she failed to predict were the ones affecting her personal life. Marinette’s life, not that of Ladybug.

And there were truly moments where the line between the two faded. Where she was suddenly skipping school or being late so much and so often that it reached the level where the principle had to alert her parents and she almost got expelled, all the while being horrified and desperate in finding ways to justify her actions because, of course, she couldn’t say the truth. She could never say the truth about this. Or the time when each new threat arising in the city due to the re-empowered Hawkmoth/Mayura team started suddenly bubbling up so much internal pressure for her that she was forced to find a way to first deal with her own genuine, painful and terrifying panic attacks before she could transform and deal with the actual attack taking place outside.

Or when the more outspoken and brave Ladybug overtook the typical ‘Marinette’ in certain situations of extreme emotional hurt or vulnerability, causing her to distance herself from a few friends of hers due to her growing either too withdrawn from them or, on the other side of this spectrum, to lash out suddenly in select moments of jealousy or even slight anger. Being a Miraculous Guardian at the tender age of now 16 was insanely challenging to say the least and even though this fact only started to truly catch up with her recently, it affected both her and those around her enough to cause an overwhelming amount of worry, anger and frustration from all sides. Except from one person.

And as she paced along the Seine nervously, back and fort, during what was supposed to be a calming walk for her, in her civilian form, this particular calming voice was what snapped her back from her over-thinking mind back to reality.

“Marinette?”

She jumped a bit, even though the voice didn’t really startle or scare her, as much as it simply surprised her.

“Luka? Wh-What are you doing here?”, she wrapped her arms around her, suddenly aware of the slight chill outside, her cardigan far too thin for an early spring evening by the river such as this one.

He smiled a sad, worried smile at this and proceeded to take his jacket off. “My home is right there, remember?”, he teased gently, nodding towards a boat a bit more downstream along the river’s flow as he pulled his jacket around her.

“Oh…!”, Marinette followed the direction with her gaze and her jaw dropped slightly. She didn’t realize she managed to pace back and forth and here and there for so long and so out of focus of reality that she managed to reach all the way to here without even realizing it. “But, n-no, no!”, she attempted to slowly shrug the jacket off, “You’re going to freeze!”, her hands reached to get it off and hand it back to Luka but by placing both of his won hands against her shoulders carefully but firmly with a teasing smile, he made any attempts of detaching said jacket from her body near impossible, to which she even frowned slightly, causing him to instantly chuckle and shake his head.

“I’ll be fine, even without the jacket, I’m wearing a sweater that’s even slightly too warm for my taste, and I’ll honestly feel worse if you freeze when I can do something to help that.”

She exhaled, her expression suddenly that of sorrowful, almost guilty confusion.

“Why are you still putting up with me?”

He simply shrugged, the playful hold on her shoulders easing as he stroke them with his thumbs gently. “Because I care. Because a lot of people care about you and it breaks my heart that you seem to not believe that.”

Her expression now remained the same, as well as the emotions it carried, save for the sad smile that she added to it slowly, her head tilting to the side a bit.

“Except, a) I’ve been horrible to everyone and about pretty much everything lately and b)…”, her gaze flickered to the side a few times, cheekbones reddening in a way that made her grateful for the fact that the streetlight reflecting from the water’s clear surface wasn’t that strong of a light source at all, “… you care about me… differently…”

“You know…”, Luka now returned her sad smile, only it carried a different background entirely, his eyes drifting to the floor while he started to slowly let go of her, “I’m an idiot because I… don’t think I even really asked you if you minded that…” He prepared to step back but, within a second, Marinette’s hands were on his, keeping them in place.

“No, no!”, she was surprised by how quickly and confidently she said that, but a much as it made her face feel like it was completely burning now, she didn’t take it back. “Luka, you… Know I dont.”

And true, he had a reason to believe so. They weren’t in a relationship or anything like that yet, like Kagami and Adrien or Nino and Alya were, not officially, but they were spending majority of their time together, in their civilian forms and, of course, unbeknownst to them, in their Miraculous forms as well. More than that, they grew incredibly close quite fast. To the point that now, almost a year since Marinette made a point to get over Adrien, Adrien was just a friend and an occasional fleeting painful sting at her heart, but the majority of her affection and her emotions were now finally allowed to belong to Luka. To the point that they have already had a couple of brief moments of weakness resulting in a kiss, but nothing more was said or done. And because of the latter fact, because it was nothing more, Luka didn’t dare to be convinced that this was a confirmation of anything or to push or prod, but this time, he felt he needed to push slightly in the opposite direction in order to prevent himself from pushing on in this one.

Still, even after her hands gripped his and she, very determinately, kept him close to her, he didn’t know how to react, instead only staying still for a second, followed up by a barely noticeable quiver of his lower lip as he opened his mouth to speak but found himself unable to. She noticed though.

Her broken smile widened slightly. “I’m… being selfish, actually. There’s this… someone, erm…”, she shook her head, trying desperately to remain as vague as possible, “ …something, taking over my life and my composure a lot for awhile now, very incresingly so, and vou’re the only thing keeping me grounded and sane lately and… always have been one of the few people making me feel safe and sure of myself and, at least due to this, I really don’t want to let you go…”

What she said was a partial lie, but for once, he didn’t catch it.

“So it’s…”, he took a breath and nodded firmly, more as a way to keep himself strong than anything else, “… just because of that…” Suddenly he made sure to quickly continue, “And I want you to know it’s perfectly fine if it is, I’ll still be your fr-”

“No…” It escaped Marinette’s lips without her control. But once again, she didn’t regret it or take it back. This newly found courage paired with an impaired capability of hiding her feelings at least had some good uses, it seemed. “No, it’s not just that.”

Stunned yet again, Luka stayed silent, looking back into her eyes, running her words in his head over and over again to make sure he understood them right this time until a melody reached them, played from a near-by cafe, catching his attention.

And when he looked back at her, he smiled again.

“That… something, that’s keeping you down… You never told me everything, so I’m sorry if I don’t always manage to make you feel better as best as I could…”, she was already prepared to counter him on this immediately, but he simply placed a finger against her lips, “… but there’s something I haven’t tried yet.”

Against his touch, her lips formed a small puzzled frown, which was a vision so beautiful and adorable to him that he could have kissed her right then and there and never let her go.

“You know, one of the best ways to get rid of a lot of negative emotions, expectations or fears…”, letting go of her, he moved away slightly and outstretched one of his hands, “…is dancing.” He cocked his head to the side, asking a question without words.

“Oh, nooo, n-no, no, no… I don’t dance, or to be more precise, I’m quite sure I can’t dance!”

“Everyone can dance”, he shrugged with a soft smile, “I’m not asking you to waltz with me or do the tango”, he grinned and she chuckled, “I’m just asking you to dance.”

She bit her lips, feeling a very slight hesitation… but took his hand, nonetheless.

“Okay…”, she smirked, “Teach me.”

Reciprocating her smirk, he took her hand and slowly pulled her closer until they started moving into almost a slow-dancing kind of way. He spun her around and then back into his arms and there was something about how easily and naturally he did that, something about that gorgeous crooked smile he was giving her, just inches from her face, that made Marinette feel incredibly warm and exhilarated in the way, she came to find, only he could make her feel. But they weren’t at the cool, calming ice rink now. And the breezy spring evening was suddenly not cold enough to keep her as in check as she wanted to keep herself whenever he did something that caused this beautiful, dizzy feeling to arise inside her that quickened her heart and breath.

But, for once, perhaps because she so desperately needed something like this, she didn’t want to fight getting lost in a moment like this one. She craved and needed the way he made her feel, safe and wild at the same time, feeling just secure enough to almost be able to let go completely. Marinette never felt like that. Marinette never acted like that. Not even as Ladybug, not even at the peaks of her confidence. But with him, it just happened. And normally, she would wonder over and over again in her head if he could somehow sense this, how he’s literally driving her crazy in a way, if he thought her to be a foolish, silly girl for letting him affect her this much, especially since she practically rejected him at first and since, ironically, she felt that all of these feelings became immensely obvious and accentuated after she removed any barriers that she once upon a time used to carefully set in front of the emotions that were steadily growing for him because she wanted them kept down and silenced for Adrien. But not now. She moved with him and laughed with him and let him sway and spin her in his arms and she could swear she never felt more alive.

It was a couple’s dance of sorts, the one that they were sharing, but it wasn’t defined by any specific set of steps or movements, more like a combination, actually. And that was the beauty of it, it was just defined by – them. And as the music picked up its tempo and volume slightly and she found herself dipped down in a way that perhaps started teasingly and playfully, she could feel her heart wanting to burst in warm sparks in her chest sparkling and spreading through her torso in a way she didn’t expect so suddenly. It felt like sparks flowing down her body and as it instinctively caused her to bite on her lower lip, she could have sworn that she felt his breathing hitch for a moment. Because the way he leaned over her, pulled her waist against his, much closer and tighter than at the ice rink, as he started to pull her slowly back up, eyes staring into each other without blinking, bodies close to the point she could feel the tempo of his breathing through the movements of his chest against her… It flipped some sort of a switch inside her. Everything has been so wrong and so irredeemable and so wrong lately, the pressure constantly dropped onto her shoulders unbearable and so strong that she was fully convinced she truly couldn’t handle it at all. But now, here, with him, like always, all of her feelings just floated to the surface. Or perhaps rushed, ran and instantly flooded to the surface would be a better description of what she was feeling when he leaned his shoulder down against her, breathing heavily, as two teal eyes peered right inside of her and made her melt. And, for once, Marinette was completely and entirely sure that at least for now, she was enough. She was strong. She was alive. Her skin was burning and the air flowing heavily through her lungs at a tempo she wasn’t used to felt like breathing for the first time in months. There was no way on Earth she was letting this go. There was no way in hell she was suppressing anything tonight. As a rebellion against Hawkmoth wanting to see her destroyed, against people who knew her and were ready to judge or leave her when she was clearly going through something akin to a nightmare, against any residual feelings for Adrien and against this whole nightmare as a whole – Marinette was going to grip paradise tonight, she’s going to be young, and free and hungry and loved and to hell with anything else.

She was fire and she wasn’t blushing or pulling back this time or looking away and still, still Luka was careful and doubtful, his gaze searching hers hopeful but confused. And somehow this, the heart and patience and kindness of the boy in her arms tipped her over the brink and without being able to even control or plan it, her lips crashed against his… And they stayed like that for a second, two, before his lips caressed against her lower lip in a way that caused less than a moment to transpire before her teeth grazed his upper lip with her next kiss, then her tongue, and when his tongue just barely brushed up against hers, her mind seemed to have swerved like she was intoxicated, because the next thing she realized was that her hand was tangled in his hair and grasping at his back, pulling him somehow even closer, closer against her, before he lifted her up, swiftly and effortlessly onto a small half-wall behind them and, oh, it made her want to never let him go. She gripped at the firm shape of the small of his back and one of his palms cupped her face, stroking her lip as he kissed it hungrily, the other running against her outer thigh and something between them must have been electric because they both shivered at the same time and chuckled sweetly against each other’s lips.

There was no care or thought left in her mind other than him. Her head, her heart and her body screamed only Luka. Luka. And only Luka.

Her home.

Her acceptance.

Her freedom.

#lukanette #lukanette fic #lukanette prompt #luka couffaine #miraculous ladybug #my fic

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erudite-rebel · 4 years

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i gasped when i saw your magnus archives au because i'm a huge fan and your artwork on head archivist ooblek is so incredible. do you have any stray headcanons on it, or maybe how grimm translate to entities, or anything really because i'm so fascinated with this concept.

//You got a big storm comin'

Soooo TMA AU was basically caused by @nightmarebcrn and @jinxedcrow getting me into The Magnus Archives and the subsequent chaos thereafter. Barty was actually built slowly after I began season 3 I think (but it may have been season 2 or even earlier. I remember not realizing just how bad I was setting him up for pain). I'm gonna give a write up with as few show-spoilers as possible beyond the basic concept (Entities) and I will chew on the Grimm bc I didn't quite work on them when I developed this but now that you said it that brain's a-firin' away.

So!

The Archivist of Beacon AKA Why Barty Can't Have Nice Things

While I have written a statement on Barty's past, I'll do a quick write up of his history and who he is as the Archivist.

With all of my iterations of Barty, he is neurodivergent. He has Aspergers (low-spectrum Autism) and ADHD. This presents primarily in hyperfocus, being less than adept at social situations, a tendency to shy away from direct eye contact, and stimming (bouncing his leg, jittery movements, counting in dead languages).

Different to his canon verse, Barty is an only child and his parents were of equal age.

His first contact with the entities was when he was a young boy. He was raised primarily running around a now closed, privately run museum that operated near Oxford University. While no doubt several of the items within have made their way into the Beacon Artifact Storage, at the time he was aware of nothing specifically evil. A new lot acquisition included an unusual set of canopic jars that were written off by several scientists as very good fakes. Despite that, one of the employees – Dr. Herbert Renshaw – became obsessed with them and succumbed to their lure. He killed four people by removing critical organs and permanently disfigured a fifth before disappearing with them. While Barty witnessed the attack which killed his parents, and saw what it entailed, he repressed much of it for most of his life. Working at Beacon brought most of it back.

After his parents died he was looked after by his grandfather, who was a strict and no-nonsense veteran of the second World War. The arrangement lasted only two years before he died of cancer and Barty was released into the foster system, inheritance waiting for him when he turned 18.

Shuttled through foster homes, Barty became something of a punk. He had a big chip on his shoulder, was lonely and desperate for a place to fit in when there were so few that could address his needs. Finally he was sent somewhere with a reputation for 'curing' delinquency. Without knowing it he entered a residence under control of the Web.

Qrow Branwen was in his year in high school. While he and Barty didn't at once know each other, as they were both rather withdrawn and loners, they eventually grew close because of similar interests and attitudes. After a few months Qrow spotted a tell-tale scar on the back of Barty's neck. He'd escaped the same boys home the year before in a bid to be placed elsewhere with his twin. Suddenly frightened for Barty's life, he hatched a plan to help Barty escape. Because Barty was far more under the influence of the Web than Qrow had been it had turned into a rescue mission than a run away. The two of them burned the home to the ground and somehow managed to evade implication.

Barty went to stay with Qrow and Raven with their foster mother, Morrigan Branwen. She was careful to help with his needs, and Barty loved her like a mother, though he never considered Raven or Qrow his siblings. In Qrow he'd developed a bad crush that quickly turned into a deep, devoted love. While Barty wasn't much given to the concept of soulmates, he considered Qrow exactly that.

He and Qrow both were accepted into University and he'd thought they would always be together. Eventually though Qrow began to fade away from him, consumed by something else, and dropped out of University. He cut off contact and disappeared. Barty didn't see him again until Morrigan's funeral and never got any explanation for what happened.

Years later Barty obtained both his doctorate in history and a degree in archaeology. His interests were always skewed to the occult, though something always kept him back from pursuing the real deal of the supernatural. He was looking forward to a life of academia, though something always felt empty to him. Sometimes he'd see a familiar face in a crowd and his neck would itch before they disappeared. He never really gave up the torch he carried for Qrow either, despite trying to move on.

After a talk he gave on a lesser known cult during the height of the Egyptian empire, Dr. Ozpin Newman approached him about a job as Head Archivist in Beacon Academy. He might not have accepted the position if he had already been tenured, but Barty had a shaky research position at the University of London, and Ozpin was offering a good contract. Despite knowing Beacon's reputation he agreed... no one could deny the credentials of a Head Archivist of a major academic institute, even one with ties to potential supernatural research.

It was there he is reunited with Qrow again and settled into his job, hardly questioning why Ozpin might want him... why he made such an excellent candidate for Archivist. He was determined to set the archives right after Maria Calavera's treatment of them, set on making a difference, trying hard to hold onto the belief that encounters – despite having been involved in two such events on his own – were rare.

Fear has a way of catching up, has a way of mutating you, as he was ensnared by The Eye, and caught up in a careful game of chess between Avatars. Guilt is acid in his veins as he loses his employees one by one to different entities. Scars began to pile. Secrets began to be revealed, whether the information merely curled out towards him, or a few careful worlds could force them from the lips of those he put question to.

Eventually he had to wonder if he was even really human anymore... when the voyeuristic statements of fear were far more nourishing to his body than food. But surely it's human to be willing to kill to protect Qrow and his people, to make the world right again?

So, that's kind of a basic write up. As for Grimm, I am currently toying with creatures that are far more horrifying than their base in RWBY. The Grimm are soulless manifestations of dangerous concentrations of fear given form, residual negative energies forming into mindless beasts able to be controlled and guided by their Avatars, provided that Avatar embraces its calling. Tools to reap yet more energy for the entities beyond the veil.

#recent history; headcanons #is anything really real anymore?; tma au #the archivist of beacon; tma #anything else you would like to inquire?; answered #becomestorm

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mawritesbnha · 5 years

Note

Thank you so much!! :D And I'm really sorry about that anon... I hope it won't happen again! Sooo most to least likely to: ask you to marry them! I don't know if you have a character limit? You can put as many as you want or just your faves! Anything's fine for me really!

Sorry I know I said I wanted to try most to least likely… but I kept changing the order and was overall unhappy with it… So this became a Likely vs Unlikely or a Would vs Would not kinda thing… Also I tried to put as many characters as I could, but please my darlings it’s better when you tell me who you’d like, otherwise I’m lost. I didn’t go into too much details but if you’d like to know more as to why a character is in a certain category feel free to send in a specific hc ask!

That was still a lot of fun, I really like this concept so if you’ve got more like this my pretties send them in!

Smoochies from Ma!

Would they ask you to marry them?

Yes

- Izuku: he’s so focused on hero work it’s gonna take him a while to realise he wants to do it, but he will eventually, a lot of rambling will be involved

- Shoto: again that poor boy didn’t have a great example growing up… but after years of being in a relationship with you, he finally trusts himself enough, he’s confident that you can build something even more beautiful together, gives you a little speech before asking, and if you say yes he’d love for you to come with him to tell his mother the news

- Hanta: you’ve talked about it before, but he wants to keep it a surprise so he’ll ask when you’ve forgotten about it, really sweet and romantic

- Denki: you can see it coming from a mile away, might have actually seen the ring already cause he’s terrible at hiding things from you and in general, adorable but a nervous wreck

- Eijiro: it’s the manly thing to do! actually he might have gotten the idea from someone else cause sharky bb is a bit of an airhead at times, but he’s really excited about it

- Mashirao: you had a feeling he wanted to ask you something important, but not that important, goes about it in a very traditional and romantic way, probably over diner

- Tenya: even more traditional, asks your parents for their blessing first, I’m not sure if he’d ask in public, I think he’d keep it private, his proposal sounds like a business deal offer… but if you say yes all that robot front is gonna melt away and this dork might laugh out of sheer happinness and spin you around

- Fumikage: reaallyy self-conscious… many times he backpedals at the last moment… until Dark Shadow lends an unexpected hand

- Ochaco: look it took her a while to admit she had a crush on you but ever since you’ve gotten together she’s been really forward, that girl ain’t wasting anymore time, she knows what she wants

- Yuga: prepare for a very pompous, public proposal with the shiniest diamond ever… or none at all cause nothing shines brighter than your future groom and his love for you

- Momo: she mulls it over for a while and when she asks she doesn’t really, it’s more like she brings up the idea of marriage to see your reaction and then timidly wonder if you’d want her as your wife

- Tsuyu: she wants a family with you, that’s the next step in her book, a bit shy about it though but straight to the point as always

- Mina: she was actually waiting for you to do it but grew too impatient and ended up blurting out her proposal at the oddest of time and sounding vaguely annoyed/offended she had to do it herself before getting really flustered

- Rikido: hides the ring in the cake he baked for you, has a hard time explaining why he looks so horrified when you finish it all up without noticing anything

- Koji: you might despair and ask yourself first cause it’s gonna take him the longest time to feel confident enough to ask you, but he’d come up with something so precious involving your favourite animals you’d do well to wait

- Itsuka: she doesn’t need it, but she likes the idea so if she feels like you both might be on the same page she’d bring it up but more like in a conversation rather than just popping the question

- Neito: is he serious? haha who knows! come on yes he is and he’s waiting for an answer, he loves you so much he wants to make it official and be able to brag about it, wants to do a public proposal and tries to act confident but he’s terrified you’ll reject him

- Mirio: if someone pointed out that you already look and act like a married couple he’d get really excited and probably turn to you all smile “let’s get married Y/N!”, but depending on your reaction then he might apologise later on and propose in a more serious way

- Neijire: doesn’t realise it’s that big of a deal and doesn’t exactly asks too, you were probably just watching some wedding show and she mused “we should do it too” or when walking in front of a wedding dress shop “oohh that’s the one I want”… like if you ask her if she seriously wants to get married she’ll go “eehh? we’re not???”

- Tamaki: oh boy… swears he’s gonna ask you and look you in the eyes while doing so even if it kills him but that might actually happen… he’s gotten really comfortable around you over the years but some things are still… too much

- Yo: if you’ve gotten to the point where he wants to marry you… you’ve gotten through a lot, and this boy must have been a huge pain… actually you might have been fed up with him one day and threaten to end things, expecting him to close himself off as usual and wish you farewell then… but no, he proposes. yeah, not a great timing

- Natsuo: such a good boy, so sweet, promises to always provide and care for you, and vows to himself to not be like his dad (as if you could ever be sweetie)

- Himiko: asks soon after you’ve gotten together, thinks about becoming your knife wife almost as much as drinking your blood

- Hizashi: he won’t yell his proposal… but he sure as hell is gonna scream his happiness if you say yes (everyone’s ears are not thanking you)

- Nemuri: thought she’d never settle down? wrong! if you can see past her sexual appeal while still appreciating it she ain’t letting you off the hook

- Jin: surprised? I don’t think he’d consider it if you weren’t part of the league or if the boss was against it for whatever reason though, but it’d make him very happy to marry you

- Hitoshi: he doesn’t really care for marriage, but depending on how you present the idea to him he’d agree to it and might even look forward to it

- Katsuki: doesn’t see the point, you’re already partners for life, what’s the big fuss about? he’d be hard to convince, but the more territorial side of him might be swayed, he wouldn’t want any “mushy stuff” though

- Dabi: too bad his very good friend Toya would’ve asked! marriage doesn’t sound good to him for many reasons, you can’t sway him

- Tomura: finds the idea a bit… odd? that kind of “like most people” stuff isn’t for him honestly… but you’re his player 2, that’s better, right?

- Hawks: I don’t think that’s what he’s looking for

- Kyoka: she wants to, but can’t work up the courage

- Mezo: he never gave marriage much thought so you’d have to bring it up, he wants to make you happy and if that’s what you want he’ll ask, but yeah not spontaneously

- Toru: she’s waiting for you to ask her

- Ibara: same I don’t see her being too forward in a relationship, but might prefer it if you actually just talk about it together instead of a big proposal

- Tetsutetsu: he… didn’t… think about it… and if someone else brings it up he’s gonna be mad at himself for not coming up with that one on his own and won’t ask cause he’s too busy pouting

- Fuyumi: sadly I hc her to think that’s not really her choice to make

- Shota: he’s a bit whatever about it, as long as you too are together he doesn’t care about formalities, he’d enjoy a sober wedding if you want one, and please don’t let Hizashi make a speech he’s begging you

- Toshinori: that poor man is dying to marry you, but it’d be like putting a target on your back and his biggest fear is losing you or seeing you hurt… keeping it a secret might be an option but I’m not sure he’d take that risk

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bunny-bard · 2 years

Text

I know there was a post circulating not too long ago about "trigger warning for Maus is so stupid I hate validity uwu culture" and it kept sitting with me wrong because... While I understand the ire from saying a piece of art meant to disturb as a warning and sincere expression of horrors done to real people in much more recent history than we like to admit, I think there isn't anything wrong in wanting to ensure that people taking up the task of reading something heavy in subject matter aren't caught off guard by the severity.

First of all, trigger warning was never supposed to mean "100% don't read this because it's violent." If it's taken as that, that's more a failing of the understanding of the language than anything. Second, trigger warning as opposed to content warning is for PTSD sufferers. A trigger can be as mundane as (this is a real example) being self deprecating.

I do believe the post specifically said content warning, so I'm pretty sure the OP understands the difference, that's more general clarification for anyone who might not have known that.

My bigger point is, a content warning for violent, graphic, and upsetting imagery is a good thing not to discourage people from reading it, but to prepare someone for what they're going into. To remind a person experiencing a piece of media that they can and should take breaks if they feel like it is affecting them in a way they can't handle. There are a LOT of important narratives out there that simply cannot be a one sitting kind of deal.

I don't want people to see content warnings as "don't read this EVER because it's BAD" or like take it as a condemnation of the content itself. Content warnings are just as much for people to make informed decisions in how they engage with media as they are also for people who might have genuine triggers. Mental health isn't something we can fully control, but we can control our exposure to difficult subject matter in a way that makes us both able to appreciate the piece of work and it's message AND not spiral from panic attacks or flashbacks.

The big issue of the book bans in general is that these ill informed parents would rather their kid not read something PERIOD than to have a genuine conversation about what their child is reading. And if we cannot even discuss that, yes, for some people it is difficult to even get through because the reality is that horrifying to face, then I think we've actually lost some of the impact. Because that is such a huge point to see and understand: this stuff really happened and for some people just knowing and understanding the extent of it brings visceral panic and pain. That to me just goes to show comprehension of the horror we are meant to feel, not some moral failing because a person maybe decided this particular book on the subject was too much for them.

#just as an aside #i have not personally read maus #i have read night by elie wisel #unfortunately at a time when i dont think i could appreciate it enough #genuinely regardless of what the content warnings are for #id prefer it be seen as a method of preparation than a discouragement from reading it #its like you dont watch something rated r without knowing there may be nudity #if its a day you dont want to engage with that kind of content regardless of mental health #you dont watch a rated r movie #you watch something pg #theyre all tools for INFORMING a viewer or reader or listener etc

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otakween · 3 years

Text

I'm Standing on a Million Lives - Volume 1

Hurray! Moving on from 100% Pascal Sensei, this is the next series on MAL alphabetically due to its Japanese title (100-man no Inochi no Ue ni Ore wa Tatteiru). I'm excited to be catching up on something so recent as season 2 for the anime is actually coming out this month! I'm going in 100% blind so, I guess we'll just see where this goes. Chapter breakdown after the "read more."

Ch. 1

-Well, this was really awkwardly paced and written, not a promising start if I'm honest. I hate it when people are isekai'd and barely react, it's so jarring.

-Protag-kun is an edgelord who "hates Tokyo and all the people in it," has no friends, and just wants to play video games. Of course his video game skills are rewarded in isekai-land. Typical cliché BS so far. At least he had a self-aware "oh wait, I'm being a self-centered prick" moment.

-The art isn't hideous, but I don't sense any creativity here. Everyone looks very generic, including the monsters. At least the two-page spreads look nice on my new e-reader

-I feel like this would read as batshit to people who aren't familiar with the isekai genre. They just assume that people are so used to these tropes that they don't need to explain anything. I would have liked it if they showed us more of the "normal" world so that the isekai moment would be more of a shock and we could get a better feel for the characters/setting.

-Game master dude is really annoying. I hope they explain why he speaks in partial sentences. None of the characters even acknowledged it which was really weird.

-Kinda dumb how Kusue saying "I want to be useful to people!" just completely blew Protag-kun's mind and changed his whole world view. First of all: can we save epiphanies like that for at least the end of volume 1?? Second: how easily swayed is this man!? He felt like he went through the entire A Silent Voice MC's character arc in 2 seconds.

-I feel like the level of gore doesn't fit the tone they're going for. It just feels out of place and gratuitous. Like, this isn't Attack on Titan, this is more of an adventure series (I think)

Ch. 2

-The characterization in this is really annoying. So far the characters don't feel like real people, they're just assigned archetypes. Yuka is an otaku, Kusue is the "frail girl," etc. I think one thing that's lacking is the girls barely get a chance to speak and we're stuck with Yotsuya's incel monologues. Hopefully this improves.

-Real convenient that all the chosen party members are girls so far. The setting/make up of the party reminds me of Konosuba a lot.

-Why are bullying scenes in manga always so over the top? I'm pretty sure bullies don't typically go the sexual assault route. Similar to the gore feeling out of place, that felt unnecessarily dark. The character's also reacted to it as if it wasn't a big deal (???)

-Today in "fancy words used in manga": polyandric. Apparently it means an animal that mates with multiple males.

-I was honestly triggered by the centipede monsters. I have house centipedes in my apartment and they're horrifying. The thought of one wrapping around my head...-shudder-

-The bullying rescue scene was interesting. I feel like normally it would be a big, heroic moment, but instead they chose to show how all the girls (bullies and victim) were afraid of Yotsuya for suddenly showing up and acting like a maniac. It was kinda nice to see his "you love me now, right?" rejected lol.

-The self-aware anime stuff is obnoxious. MC being like "woah this is a harem situation" and the girls being like "gap moe!?" at the end of the chapter. It's jarring when characters that aren't supposed to be otaku bring up otaku things.

-Game Master showing up on Yotsuya's phone was pretty funny lol. I liked his selfie.

Ch. 3

-Shindo's backstory was so weirdly written and awkward: she was a bad kid, made friends with an older girl who taught her to be good, and then that older girl killed herself. She then overheard her family members being like "lol that dead girl was ugly" so...she vowed to protect the weak...or something? I dunno it was confusing. Also, more needlessly grimdark content with Shindo's parents basically saying that girl deserved to die because she was ugly.

-I don't think this mangaka understands anatomy, the abs on the male characters look...off

-Interesting rule where they lose EXP for fighting humans. Although, that does make me wonder about the cover art for this volume. Are the "million lives" supposed to represent all the times the characters die and are revived or...?

-Yuka being like "I don't think Shindo's a good person because she's got pretty privilege." Rubbed me the wrong way. She reeks of the "not like other girls" trope

-When Yotsuya said he's "not like other boys" because he'll listen to your tragic backstory and Shindo reacts "are you gay or something?" That felt like a mix of casual homophobia and toxic masculinity, not cute.

Ch. 4

-We get a new harem addition and her stupid quirk is that she likes cutting people up. I dunno, something about the way she robotically announced that while fighting felt so unnatural and forced. This manga is anything but subtle.

-Only now realizing that the artist and the author are two separate people. Honestly, I was surprised to find out that this is just a manga and it doesn't have a corresponding light novel. It really feels like it's being adapted from something, but maybe that has to do with the writer and artist being separate?

-Every time they mention a new fantasy name it kinda seems like the author just threw scrabble letters at the wall.

-The design of the bipedal steeds wheel attachment looked like it wouldn't work. Like, how do those things walk with a big giant wheel right in front of their feet? I guess I'll find out in the anime lol

-Very, very confused about Yotsuya's "career." When he became a chef he dressed as a chef, but now that he's a wizard he's back to dressing like a farmer and using a hoe? That seems like a continuity error. Either that or they didn't explain how things work very well. Can you switch between your past careers?

-They reveal that they only feel 1/36 of normal pain in this world, which would have been nice to know in chapter 1 when people were being torn apart, but okay.

-One of Yotsuya's new skills is "the ability to raise or lower the persuasiveness of your words." Immediately I was like, "wtf? In what situation would you want to lower your persuasiveness?" Maybe if you're using reverse psychology? -shrug-

-I enjoyed the author's mini essay at the end about stories standing the test of time. I guess this is their first serialization so now I kinda feel bad for trashing it so much lol. Oh well, gotta be honest in my reactions...

#i'm standing on a million lives #100-man no Inochi no Ue ni Ore wa Tatteiru #manga #this was pretty bad lol #I can handle 10 volumes tho #maybe it will get better?#plz?

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mittensmorgul · 7 years

Note

I'm shook. Dean actually admitted that Chuck doesn't care, that Chuck just left and ignored all of his responsibilities. I thought Dean was pro-Chuck, I mean, he called Chuck a bestie, didn't he? I'm not sure if he really resents Chuck or he was just too depressed to think straight. I'm still shook though. (Oh, and if you're feeling unwell I hope you recover. I wish you luck. May October be kind to you.)

Aahhh, thank you. :P And yeah, I’ve been sick since Walker-Stalker Philly a few weeks ago, stupid con crud that turned into bronchitis because I am a weakling with no immune system. :D

I’ve also been debating whether I should write tonight (fic, which I have a deadline of december 2 on and I’m not even close to finished on), or if I should write a long meta on Fathers, or if I should just go to sleep and try again tomorrow. But this bit about Chuck, and how Dean feels about Chuck as an absent father figure, would factor into that meta.

I mean Dean’s always held a grudge against God since… ever probably, but at least in text as far back as 5.02 when Cas set out in search of God to help stop the apocalypse. Chuck never really grew into anything Dean could really respect any more than that, you know? Even the burden Chuck laid on him at the end of s11 wasn’t what Dean wanted. Dean had his ENTIRE LIFE ruined because of Chuck’s inability to clean up his own mess, and then suddenly Dean fixes it FOR him, and Chuck just sashays off into the sunset with Amara and again lays the entire burden for taking care of EVERYTHING at Dean’s feet… but Dean’s still just a guy doing a job. He doesn’t have Cosmic God Powers to just fix stuff when it goes wrong. How the hell is he meant to take care of the entire world?

He does try, though. Oh, how he tries. Until it crushes and breaks him.

(and whoopsie this is actually shaping up to BE that meta on fathers I’ve been thinking about, so guess how I’m gonna spend the next hour! WHEEE! *tosses fic writing plans out the window*)

I’ll start with the easiest one: Dean referring to Chuck as his bestie. In 12.04:

Gail: Do you know God, gentlemen?Dean: Oh yeah. Yeah, we’re- we’re besties.

Said with about 9 tons of sarcasm. I’d find a gif to demonstrate just how done Dean was in that scene, but he was pretty much done with EVERYTHING in 12.04. I think that nicely sums up his attitude going into that conversation.

But yes, I 100% do feel like Dean resents Chuck– for laying this burden on him and not giving him ANYTHING else. He laid this out to Chuck’s face in 11.21:

Dean: Here’s the thing, um…Chuck… And I mean no disrespect. Um… I’m guessing you came back to help with the Darkness, and that’s great. That’s, you know – It’s fantastic. Um, but you’ve been gone a – a… long, long time. And there’s so much crap that has gone down on the Earth for thousands of years. I mean, plagues and wars, slaughters. And you were, I don’t know, writing books, going to fan conventions. Were you even aware, o-or did you just tune it out?Chuck: I was aware, Dean.Dean: But you did nothing. And, again, I-I’m not trying to piss you off. You know, I don’t want to turn into a pillar of salt.Chuck: I actually… didn’t do that.Dean: Okay. People – People pray to you. People build churches for you. They fight wars in your name, and you did nothing.Chuck: You’re frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on – Real hands-on for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created… would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. [Sighs] It’s enabling.Dean: But it didn’t get better.Chuck: Well, I’ve been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has.Dean: Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you’re trying to justify it.Chuck: I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don’t confuse me with your dad.

And that’s it, really. The crux of Dean’s feelings toward Chuck. And that never really changed. Dean still had to take the burden of sacrifice on HIMSELF (carrying the Soul Bomb to Amara) because Chuck didn’t or couldn’t or just wouldn’t. It wasn’t Chuck that saved the world there, it was Dean using his words with Amara, dragging Chuck kicking and screaming into the conversation.

Okay, not kicking and screaming, more like whimpering and huddling… whatever… :P

But Chuck told Dean not to confuse him with John, and mistake his own “complicated upbringing” for Chuck’s “parenting” of the entire universe. And yet… as above, so below. And Chuck himself “chose” Dean as his mirror.

Then we have Dean’s own complicated Father Issues, from how John raised him, to how he was forced to raise Sam. As he said in 12.22 to Mary, he was forced to not only be a father to Sam, but a mother as well. And it wasn’t fair to Dean, and he hated Mary for her deal that put him in that position in the first place. What was unsaid there, but plain as day anyway, was that he hated John for it, too.

Lizbob and I were talking earlier about how Jack was describing the fact that he WAS his mother for a while before he was born, and how the very act of his birth sucked the life out of Kelly, and how that was a horrifying metaphor for motherhood, but Dean has said it himself, of Sam. Back in 10.03, when Sam was curing him of being a demon:

DEAN: You notice I tried to get as far away from you as possible? Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over you! Maybe I was just … tired of babysitting you. Or always having to yank your lame ass out of the fire since … [Dean laughs.] Forever. Or maybe … Maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life!SAM: This isn’t my brother talking.DEAN: You never had a brother! Just an excuse for not manning up. But guess what: I quit.SAM: No. No, you don’t. You don’t get to quit. We don’t get to quit in this family! This family is all we have ever had!DEAN: Well, then, we got nothin’.SAM: Would you say that to Dad?DEAN: Dad? Oh, there’s a prize. There’s a man who brainwashed us into wasting our lives fighting his losing battle!

Sam’s “very existence sucked the life” out of Dean’s life, just like Jack literally did to his mother, just TWO EPISODES AFTER Dean broke through to Mary with his confession about the horrors of his life, and his anger over having to be both mother and father to Sam.

And this was about the point I hit my EUREKA! moment over why the idea of Dean being forced to be a parent to Jack just pushed every NOPE NOPE NOPE button in my entire body. Because he’s JUST NOW finally letting go of feeling like his entire life had been one long forced obligation to be a parent to Sam, and now here’s this new pseudo-manbaby with frightening and potentially Dangerous Magical Abilities who needs parenting and looking after that was foisted on him against his will AGAIN.

I mean, it’s like the ultimate in Cosmically Un-Fucking-Fair.

And even the notion that Cas should be responsible for “parenting” the giant nougat-loving nuke in lost-and-found clothes just… sits so wrong with me for the exact same reason. How long has Cas been a guardian to Dean? How big was the whole “You aren’t our babysitter” theme last season? That Cas never really had time to internalize before Jack hijacked Cas’s “babysitter” instincts for his own purposes?

Yes, it’s sweet and I can see that the parallels between Jack and Cas are being written really well so far, but the cutesy Cas-as-Jack’s-Daddy stuff just physically sickens me (which is saying something considering how physically sick I am as a baseline here…). I don’t think it’s “cute.” And I’m saying this as someone who LOVES Jack as a character.

Kelly (who was literally already “dead” at the point she met Cas, and was technically– according to Jack himself– already “Jack” at that point) had sized up Cas and decided that he would make a good guardian for Jack, and that Dagon would make a bad guardian for him, and took matters into her own hands in order to make that happen. Literally took Cas’s hand without his permission, after he’d declined to touch her stomach, and then forced his hand again after literally hijacking Baby and driving Cas to the scene of her “vision.” Then literally taking Cas’s hand again to force events to unfold as they had in the vision, without regard to any of the other horrors that played out as a result– such as Joshua having been killed by Dagon, the Colt being destroyed, Sam and Dean being hurt, Cas nearly getting killed, and then zapping enough power through Cas to kill Dagon, a being of a type we’ve only ever seen harmed by the Colt and the Lance of Michael. It was clear early on that Jack had Serious Power and yet we see he has practically NO CONTROL over it.

I am soooo tempted to apply a little bit of Miriam’s description of Becky to Jack…

He sees something he wants and just takes it without a thought for who it might hurt. He took candy from the vending machine in 13.01, but… he kinda did that to Cas, too. Even before he was born, he saw the sort of devotion Cas had to the people he cared about and even if he didn’t understand WHY, he understood through Kelly that this was something he would need for himself. So he took it, even if it might hurt other people.

Just like he flung his power out at the sheriff when she touched him while he was being assaulted by angel radio. He didn’t intend to hurt her, but he was already in pain and frightened and that’s just how his power works for him right now… as if it’s “him but not him.” Almost like it’s an independent entity that’s in Extreme Self-Protection Mode.

That’s how Miriam described Dean, as someone who takes things and breaks things no matter who it hurts. But really… that’s not Dean, and that’s not Jack either– or at least not what Jack would CHOOSE to be. But from the outside, it kinda looks that way.

So, yeah, I LOVE the idea that Sam is finally getting a turn at forced parenthood from the other side of the equation. It fits beautifully with his own arc toward self-forgiveness and acceptance of his own powers and feelings of whether or not he was inherently evil because of what had been done to him as a baby. I LOVE the idea that Sam will get to experience being a father and mother to someone going through much the same things he did all his life (albeit as an adult, which was not a luxury Dean had when he was forced into a parental role at the age of almost five).

But for Dean? I’m horrified that this has been forced on him again. And for Cas? The fact it’s not something he chose of his own free will, nor gave informed consent to before he was sock-puppeted into becoming Jack’s babysitter… yeah, I find it moderately to seriously disturbing…

And for the sake little baby Jesus, I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT JACK IS EVIL. I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT JACK IS NOT “GOOD.” Good and evil are entirely irrelevant to this conversation.

But Jack’s power did something to Kelly. And it did something to Cas. It wasn’t done with malicious intent, but IT WAS DONE TO THEM. And it’s something that severely limited their free will. We’ve seen how Jack’s power works, without his active CHOICE to make stuff happen. He’s on a fight or flight sort of level with it right now, and it just happens to be set to overkill, you know? I’m sure he’ll get a better handle on it eventually, but I think it’s also going to be a vulnerability that others may try to exploit (enter Asmodeus, or potentially AU Michael, and possibly eventually Lucifer… this isn’t going to be an easy journey for Jack).

Anyway I think I’ve wandered so far off topic of your original question, but congrats, you won the Which Question Will Result In Actual Meta award this week! :P

I think it’s been more than an hour. *checks clock* *what even is time anymore* It’s definitely been more than an hour.

#kajuned #spn s13 spoilers #spn 13.01 #oh DEAN #sam fucking winchester #castiel winchester #jack nougat winchester #if you say 'mysterious ways' so help me i will kick your ass #the ghost of john winchester #winchester family dynamics #that's what free will is #the special agony of brainwashing #i know i should be sticking other tags on here but it's after 1 am and i am officially out of brain now

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imlikepadfoot · 7 years

Text

Our inner Demons

So this one his for an Anonymous ask hey! could you do a scenario where Remus finds out that his s/o is also a werewolf?

This one was really fun to do I really enjoy it! Hope you’ll like it too nonnie!

Lengh: around 2 130 words

Song by: Short Stack -Darling, I’ll be your werewolf-

‘Today I went, to speak to god, but the sky was empty. And the clouds fell down around me and you,’

It was by far the worst Holidays Remus ever had. First of all, the full moon had taken place on Christmas Eve and it was a bad one. The kind of full moon that let him stuck in bed for days. Then, he hadn’t had any news from the other marauders since they left Hogwarts, and it wasn’t like them. He was eager to see what would be their excuses about it as he was passing the platform 9 and ¾. They better comes up with good ones, thought Remus a bit frustrated.

His body hadn’t recover yet form the full moon and it was painful to just even walk. He would have had appreciated to see his friends right now, because he could have really used some help. He climbed into the train, painting as he told some younger Gryffindor he was all right, asking them if they had seen the marauders.

Maybe they were late, maybe, much likely, Sirius must had slept over and they were late. James was probably screaming at his parents to hurry up because he wanted to see Lily before the train leaves. Remus had heard him told Sirius he had a gift for her.

But there was something worse that couldn’t get out of Remus head. Not only he didn’t have any news at all from his suppose best friends, but he hadn’t had any news from her at all either. He knew she’d probably been really busy with her family, she had told him she was going on a trip to Hawaii (muggle stuff only, her mother had insisted) and was really looking forward to it.

He sighed as he shivered, before letting out a loud moaning, stopping to search desperately in his bag, remembering he had no chocolate left at all. It was a really bad day! He could still buy some of the trolley, but it wasn’t the best chocolate and he would have to wait until the next Hogsmeade Trip to go to Honeyduke.

He made his way through the corridor, pushing a bit sharply the students that were in his way. He sighed again as he reached the marauders’ compartment, trying to catch his breath as his lungs were hurting him, and then, he froze, a hand on the door, finally seeing her.

He saw immediately that she wasn’t looking well at all. He frowned, looking at her from head to foot, she had sunken eyes, was very pale and seems on the edge of throwing up. He had never seen her that ill before. Something was wrong he could sense it.

-Hey… Remus said as he enters the compartment, slamming as gently as possible the door behind him, trying to do as less noises as he can. -You all right? He asked her, sitting beside her acting like if he wasn’t ill himself.

‘As we stood, hand in hand, I hope you invent me, a sea of love in which to drown me and you,’

She smiled softly, turning to him before laying his head on his shoulder. -Yeah, she tries to laugh, -I’ve got the flu, no big deal, I’ll be okay in no time don’t worry about me love. She said, closing her eyes.

-You sure? I mean… Yon don’t look well at all… he told her, catching her hand. It was so cold and rigid, not like the last time he had held it.

She smiled at him, reaching to lay a trembling hand on his cheek before giving him a soft kiss, asking him, a second time, not to worry about her. She was fine and would be well in a few days.

Remus sight and kissed her too, passing his hand in her hair, waiting for her to fall asleep in his arms, trying to convince himself that it was nothing more than a cold, shutting up is inner voice that was screaming something was wrong.

+++++

She indeed, completely recovered a few days latter, like if nothing had happened. But still, Remus was sensing something was wrong. Something had changed but he couldn’t tell what and he assumed he was only being a bit too protective over her. It was the first time he ever had a serious relationship and was afraid she would dumped him because of what he was.

‘So little miss, imagine this, we’re entwined and hopeless, and the world turns upside down, without you,’

Was he too kind, not enough? Was it too much when he was cuddling her or was it not enough? Sirius had told him to stop being so worried about all this. “She’s a good person; she really likes you, she doesn’t care about the furry little problem, mate so relax a bit.” but Remus wasn’t the kind that could just relax with it.

When he had told James he thought something had happened to her during the Christmas Holidays, because she was acting differently, James had laughed a bit, put a hand on his shoulder and smiled at him. “Don’t you worry about that, girls are way to hard to understand, they can be really mad at you but still kissed you, they’re messed up little things, just look at how Lily acts with me!’

But it wasn’t girl stuffs, Remus knows it. His werewolf senses were literally screaming at him that something was fucking wrong. He was going crazy about it, trying to figure it out, trying not to rush her with that because she had told him sharply, to stopped harassing her with that. “Everything is fine Remus could you stop asking for one second! Merlin, I mean, if something were to be wrong, I would have told you okay!”

He had looked at her in disbelief, a bit shocked by that sharpness and had turned away. The full moon was near again and it was no time for him to get angry with someone, especially with her because he likes her too much to do this to her. He was angrier, less patient and a lot more aggressive before the full moon so he’d always prefer to isolate himself. Even though James and Sirius and she, have told him many times that it wasn’t necessary, that they understand plenty what it was like for him.

That night, he said goodbye to his three friends, that had come help him get down to the Hospital Wing were madame Pomfrey was waiting for him. He had tried to find his girlfriend all evening but she was nowhere to be found. He was a bit hurt, but what did he have expected actually?

Did he really think that she was going to wait for him, for a monster like himself when she could have the world at her feet? He sights painfully, as madame Pomfrey helped him get through the courtyard, seeming more nervous that her normal self was.

-Are you okay? Asked Remus, a bit concerned. -Is something wrong?

-Poor Remus, nothings wrong, don’t you worry. She said as he let out a shriek, passing the trap that led him to the shrieking shack. He nodded with difficulty, before telling her to go, he was sensing the werewolf trying to rip him apart from inside and tonight, the transformation would be quit. -Try to conceal your rage tonight Remus okay. She told him, looking worriedly at him. -Try to stay as calm as possible, we don’t want anyone to get hurt.

He frowned, looking at the trap she had closed behind her. What the hell did she mean? She couldn’t know about the others, about James, Sirius and Peter, could she? He gets up, climbing the stairs that let him to the chamber he was so used too, his chest seems on fire, sweat was dropping on his face, feeling like he was going to throw up.

-Is this, always that painful… asked a voice in a horrified whisper.

Remus froze, his breath stopped, his heart was pounding as he was looking at her in horror, his soul screaming as it was already beginning to tear up, trying to let the wolf get out of him. -What… what are you doing here! He screamed, tears stinging his eyes. -You need to get out, you need to get out now! You will die if you stay here, I can’t control myself when I become this monster, get out!

-I can’t get out… she told him, approaching him slowly. She was crying, she was pale, shaking from head to toes, she had been sick, she was more terrified than he had ever been at full moons. -I'm… I’m like you…

'We’re going to hell, Just because we’re werewolves, We’re werewolves, Ahoo, ahoo, ahoo,’

-No… that… that can’t be… How!? Why?! Why didn’t you tell me?! He screamed trying to find some kind of reassuring answers in her eyes. It was a joke right? She couldn’t be a werewolf too! The world couldn’t have done this to her, why her!

Why! He let out a screamed of anger, pain and distress, shaking his head as he couldn’t believe this was all happening.

He came close to her, taking her face into his hand before kissing her ferociously, squeezing her close to him, to his heart, when she let out a loud moaning of pain, her hands grabbing Remus shirt as if her life depended on it.

Suddenly, everything comes clear. Why she hadn’t been answering him during the holidays, why she was suddenly so sharp with him, why she seems more isolated, her eyes watching everyone like a terrified animal, ready to run. She was scared to dead, she didn’t know how to handle this, how could she knows!?

'My love its quite a thrill, darling, I’ll be your werewolf, your werewolf, ahoo, ahoo, ahoo’

It was very painful to turn into a werewolf and it was harder to not become mad when it was happening. You could sense your human soul and brain tearing up, melting each time the full moon was getting higher and higher in the sky.

-You… you won’t leave me? She asked, reaching a hand to his cheek, looking at him with a frightened look. -Even if I’m.. if I am… this?

-Of course I won’t! You hadn’t left me when you’d find out what I was, did you? You still loved me? That’s all the same for me, now listen, listen I know this is painful, but you can fight it.

-I can't… I’m not as strong as you are… I can’t to this every month how are you doing it Remus… this… this is awful this is not bearable… she said still shacking, letting her head on his shoulder.

'We’re going to hell, Just because we’re werewolves, We’re werewolves, ahoo, ahoo, ahoo,’

-You listen to me love, okay, you can do this. Yes, you can, we’ll do it together. He told her as she was shacking negatively her head, screaming once more as the full moon was getting higher in the deep blue sky. -Everything’s going to be fine, I swear, it’s gonna be more bearable in here than at home, we’ll have some help.

He held her a bit tighter as the transformation begun, whispering in her ear, trying to calm her gently, ignoring his own pain. He knew how strong she was and everything would be all right despite everything else, despite this night. He loves her and that was all that matters.

'It’s eleven fifty seven, she tastes so sweet, and I want more, just a second, lay in heaven, as my heart, hit, hit, hits the floor,’

-I’ll never let you go love; it’s gonna be all right. He whispered one last time as she nodded, closing her eyes, the full moon taking over them, transforming into two fully grown werewolves.

It wasn’t his first full moon and he couldn’t dream of the last one, but tonight was different. For the first time, someone was feeling like he was, someone was fighting the same inner demons as he was, tonight, was different. Somewhere, deep inside the monster’s mind, he was still Remus. He had managed to fight, all on his own, this thing that was raging inside of him for years. Tonight, at last, he wasn’t a blood thirsty monster.

So, We’re going to hell, Just because we’re Werewolves, We’re werewolves, Ahoo, ahoo, ahoo, My love its quite a thrill, Darling, I’ll be your werewolf, Your werewolf, Ahoo, ahoo, ahoo

#remus x reader #remus lupin #sirius black #james potter #moony #fullmoon #hogwarts #hp #harry potter #marauders #marauders era

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