#AND I think THAT is the impact I’ve been trying to achieve | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

coffeeandcalligraphy · 7 months

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when I was younger I used to care so much about my stories helping ppl and making an impact & now I’m giggling when my gay character does something a little gay

#AND I think THAT is the impact I’ve been trying to achieve #I actually just enjoy making a story that matters to me #not that the goal of impacting ppl is a bad one it’s just not my goal anymore!#number one goal is to write the gayest narratives that make me the happiest :)))) which is to say I need to write another harrison project #give me two seconds to brainstorm & I will have a title #like I’m seeing dishevelled I’m seeing being stuck in your room I’m seeing isolation #<< pls ignore that this is just feeding habits lol I WANT MOREEE

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prettieinpink · 5 months

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NEW YEAR, NEW ME

( A collab with thee lovely lele @bloombabydoll )

If you want to reinvent and rebrand yourself, or just continue to make positive improvements in 2024, the first thing is to evaluate your current year.

EVALUATION

Reflect on how things went for you. Was there continuous growth? Were there many difficult times? Did you discover anything major about yourself and so on. Try to summarise your year in (a) paragraph(s) at least.

Oversee your goals. Which ones you didn’t, did achieve, difficult ones, easy ones and the impacts it had on your life.

Compare your dream girl then and now. Is your visualisation of your life currently different to the one you have now and why?

List any major losses or successes you’ve had in your life, and how they have helped you or why it matters to you.

This evaluation can be as detailed or simple as you like, but as long as you have a decent outline of your year.

PREPARING & PLANNING

To prepare for 2024, you want to know what you want life to be like in 2024. Something realistic to a point, but still is a growth journey.

Think of something that you can associate with 2024. This can be a word, a symbol, art, a song, a book, a movie, a place, or even just all of these things. When you think about your goals and your journey, this is your theme. This is something that should relate to your goals or your dream girl somehow.

For me, I chose a word and a song. My word is growth because, for me, 2023 was a year for just being able to shed my old self which I did achieve however I just felt there wasn’t much growth as an actual person and not just in my environment.

For my song, it is Mayflowers by Proleters and Taskrok. This song is the epitome of what I would imagine, is the most polished mindset. I would say perfect, but having a perfect mindset is near impossible. I want to have a mindset glow up because I’ve just been hard on myself lately which has caused my confidence to plummet.

Before we get into the fun part of the preparation stage, we have to do some organisation in our life. I want you to take a look at your daily lifestyle and your habits, and be completely unashamed about this.

Then categorise these habits into two sections; Leave and Leap. Leave habits are habits that you are leaving behind in 2023, leap habits are habits that are leaping into 2024 with you.

Any habits that are self-destructive, addictive or generally harmful are leave habits. Beneficial habits and self-building are leaping with you into the new year.

I want you to do the same for people in your life, all environments (school, work, online etc) and anything else you believe needs to be sorted out.

This works better if you can reason with yourself why it is a leaping or leaving habit, but don’t try to convince yourself a bad habit is good or vice versa.

Now, I want you to document an honest paragraph about who you are right now. List your bad and good habits, your strengths and weaknesses and your behaviours. This one requires a bit more detail.

Then, write a paragraph about who you will be in 2024, your dream girl. List her habits, lifestyle, behaviours, mindset, strengths and anything else extra. I’ll explain later but do not include materialistic desires in this your dream girl. Once again, this one also requires details.

Stemming from those paragraphs, I want you to create specific and achievable goals. SMART goals are best, but I want to introduce you to how I set goals.

I divide my year into quarters. For each 3 months, I have 3-5 goals for those months. Usually, it’s one from each area of my life. Then, I break down these goals.

Questions and How They Help

Why do I want to do this goal - For motivation and commitment.

How it’ll benefit me - For the sake of improvement.

How can I involve myself in this goal - To achieve your goal.

I prefer this method because it is a lot simpler for me, as I am just a young girl and my bigger goals are more in the future in which I’ll utilise SMART goals.

To create good goals; Make sure they align with your current values and life principles first. Try to avoid creating goals that you have just taken from the internet. Those goals just aren’t it and you most likely won’t follow through with it.

Be specific. Don’t say you want to eat more healthily, instead say you want to include (a certain group of veggies/fruits) in your diet and reduce the intake of ( food/drink).

E.g using eating healthy example

I want to eat healthy -> I want to start including foods that boost my immunity system and support my skin while reducing those that have the opposite effect.

Then break down those quarterly goals into monthly, weekly and daily goals. Make these habits that you can establish in your lifestyle and have a way in which you can refer back to your progress.

EXAMPLE GOAL BREAKDOWN

Quarterly Goal - Read 6 books.

Monthly Goal - Finish 2 books.

Weekly Goal - Be or near half way of one book.

Daily Goal - 20 minutes of reading per day.

AREAS TO SET GOALS IN YOUR LIFE

Academics

Spiritual

Fitness/sport

Health and wellbeing

Mental health

Personal life

Relationships

Hobbies and recreation

Now for the best part- vision boards! Collect all of your favourite images that embody your quarters or the whole year, then put them in one place where you can see them regularly!

Some ideas are a scrapbook, Pinterest boards, mood boards, playlists etc.

Choose your theme; It can be your healthy girl era, your academic come back or whatever you want. You can have more than two btw.

Use quotes! Then actually say them in your daily life as a way to shift your mindset to reflect said quote.

Include inspirational people. It doesn't even have to be a millionaire or a very well established person, it could be your friends or someone on the internet.

Be imaginative. Your vision board doesn't have to realistic in my opinion, as the whole point of it to me is that viewing it daily and considering it to be part of your life one day allows for you to open up to those opportunities.

Materialistic Wants

I feel obligated to make this a separate section. This section is practically tangible objects that you want.

However, when choosing this said object that you want, mindfully think about why you want that thing specifically.

It doesn’t have to be meaningful, but as long as each thing on that list has got a purpose to you, and will serve you, I think it’s all good!

Conclusion

If you want, you can definitely start implementing habits before January. However, I believe that as long as you go into 2024 at least knowing who you want to be and shedding away any limiting beliefs, you’ll be fine.

Make sure to incorporate some self care rituals into your daily life as well✨

To end this, I hope everyone has a very merry Christmas! And that 2024 they will achieve to close that gap with their current selves and their dream girl selves! 💖🙏

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justalia · 3 months

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The Self

i haven’t been here in a while and i’ve been exploring the law more and more, gaining even more insight.

i know i haven’t been active as much as i was before but as i said i will come on here to write about what i feel needs to be shared instead of just yapping and sharing things i don’t feel strongly about or just repeat myself.

this is a concept that has been discussed and talked about by many, me included. i personally have always wondered a lot about this, i have understood the concept in theory and applied it too but never managed to live by it, until now.

“The Inner Man”

this is how most of us know the concept i’m talking about, this is the name we’ve all collectively given it. i bet you’ve read the phrase “you are the inner man” several times, hell i have preached it several times.

i think thinking of it in this way sometimes tends to create separation between “you” (the human you) and the you in imagination. at least that’s how i felt when i first read about it last year when i was first approaching the law, even if that’s not what the people who write about it are trying to say.

the idea we’ve all seen repeated over and over by bloggers is that the real you is in imagination and you should identify with the inner man and satisfy your desire with the feeling of having said desire because “that’s what you actually want”.

and that’s partially true.

the inner man’s concept in the way that it is worded inevitably creates separation and makes you believe there’s two entities, the physical you and the one in imagination and that you have to put effort into identifying with the one inside or just “have faith” that it is true.

i don’t know about you but both effort and blind belief have given me problems in the long run because the truth is that you need to study this and understand it for yourself to truly know what this means. knowing something requires no effort and no belief, you just KNOW it is like that and nothing can move you from that. same as knowing the sky is blue, you don’t just “believe” it, nor it requires effort for you to identify the sky as blue, you just know it.

Q. but i can see the sky is blue! i know it is blue because i have proof.

knowing doesn’t always necessarily require physical proof, it can just require understanding and realization and that is what i want you to achieve at the end of this post.

you need to get to a point of knowing you are the one inside and not just “trusting” it or believing it because that is what everyone tells you to do, if you don’t sit on the concept and realize it for yourself blind belief will only take you so far. i suggest you’d do your own research and study everything that inspires you in this law, there’s several places where you can find the source and believe me when i tell you no blogger can be as helpful as your own realizations.

as all feelings of separation, even this separation between the imaginal you and the human body will inevitably bring you troubles in the long run. believing that they are both you will bring confusion and fears inevitably arise. you feel anxiety, you have fearful thoughts and you freak out because as long as you believe it is you, you will inevitably assign it a meaning and that will lead you to think it has some impact on you and you don’t have any control over what happens.

you will start to think that since you had this thought it means you are “out of the state” so it will affect your “manifestation”, you’ll start to think that anything you imagine takes life and expresses without you having any real control over it. you will start to think you are the thoughts, the feelings, the states and you will start to desperately try to control them and/or yourself or better what you believe to be yourself.

you will feel you are your mind and have no control over it, you will lose the safety you once felt inside of imagination and you will not feel alone inside of it.

Self

the Self i’m talking about is the real you and the only one.

sit back in a comfortable position and relax for a few moments, try to quiet the mind, observe the thoughts, drop the judgements.

who am i?

ask yourself this question.

let thoughts come and observe them.

who is observing? your Self.

are you the thoughts or are you the one observing them?

are you the fears or are you observing them?

are you the anxiety or are you observing it?

are you the body or are you observing it?

are you the mind or are you observing it?

are you the thing perceived or the perceiver?

who is that?

The Self.

the one and only self.

there is no imaginal you and physical you. you are the perceiver of all things, you are the dreamer. there is no “i must look for the feeling because that’s how things get expressed” there is no feeling to look for, no effort put into fulfilling one Self whatsoever because once you’ve realized who you are that’s only natural to experience what you want inside, there is no craving for outside validation because the body is not who you are.

the Self inside has experienced it and that’s the only thing you will crave because You have experienced it.

i’m not gonna tell you it won’t take a tiiiiny bit of “effort” AT FIRST to identify with your real Self whenever you’re involved with the ego, because we have habits and habits such as identifying with the ego are not immediately let go of. but i don’t even wanna call it effort because once you hit the realization of who you really are you will WANT to go back to that, it will inevitably feel wrong to identify with the ego because even if comfortable you’ve realized that is not you, it will feel temporary whenever you go back to being the ego.

you don’t need to intentionally identify with the “inner self” aka the only identity you have, you are unlimited consciousness CHOOSING to identify with the ego and the body.

IT’S NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

that’s why you struggle with this. because you think you have to do something to identify with the self when you simply already are, you just let go of the ego identity you’re so desperate for right now.

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they-them-van · 11 months

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one of the themes of yellowjackets that i haven’t been able to stop thinking about is cycles of violence, which i think we particularly see in two ways: inter-generational trauma, and this idea of violence as a tool of forgiveness.

starting with inter-generational trauma, i love what yj has done with this. there are so many different examples: van’s relationship with her mom, which liv hewson has said impacts the way they play the character (in particular her relationship with tai), and which i think is especially important given that van’s mom was an alcoholic and now we’ve seen this suggestion that van may or may not have some kind of addiction problem herself. tai’s trauma which manifests itself in sleepwalking, which she never fully dealt with, and now has directly passed onto her child - arguably largely because she refuses to face it. shauna’s relationship with callie, the way she’s treated her child as accomplice, distant yet also expecting callie to fill in the role jackie might have had if everything had happened differently; still processing the trauma of her wilderness birth which leaves her unable to be fully present for callie. lottie’s relationship with her parents, natalie’s experience with abuse, there’s so much i could go into with this.

but in particular, i think one of the most interesting ways this manifests is in the way lottie passes her beliefs and practices - shaped by this unspeakable trauma, shaped by her experience in a mental hospital in a foreign country, shaped by the ways she’s failed and how nobody has taken her seriously - onto the members of her “community”. dozens of people living their lives on a foundation lottie has built out of her pain.

and this is also the clearest place we’ve seen lottie express this belief in violence as a way to achieve forgiveness. when she tells lisa to stab natalie, to take her anger out on the cause, just as she offered herself up as a sacrifice to shauna 25 years ago. i certainly agree with others that lottie can be manipulative, but i think in this regard she’s genuine - she believes that she’s found a solution, but she blinds herself to the fact that she’s caught in her own cycle, that intentionally or not the people around her have been caught in this same cycle. misty couldn’t save crystal/kristen, so she lets javi die to save another friend. nat can’t save javi, so she saves lisa at the cost of herself - but misty can’t save natalie this time, and the cycle continues, because the cost of using violence to find forgiveness is that somebody will end up harmed, somebody won’t be able to stop it, and the burden of guilt is simply passed on.

to me this is such a fascinating idea that i’ve never really seen explored before, and on some level i know that it will only get so much worse as more shit goes down and more people can’t be saved. if this is the principle the yellowjackets are living by, they’re all accruing a lot of fucking guilt. and i most certainly see how constantly trying to outrun this guilt, caught in a trap of committing more violence and acquiring more guilt to escape what you’re already carrying, could bury a person.

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natlacentral · 2 months

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Digital Cover: Dallas Liu

As a young actor in the entertainment industry, what inspired you to pursue acting, and how has your journey evolved since your debut?

My inspiration to pursue acting came from my time doing martial arts when I was a kid. Many of the martial artists I knew would pursue a career in stunts after their time in the competition world. A very small number of them would decide to pursue acting though. With my family’s support, I dove into acting without any hesitation because I felt I had nothing to lose as a kid. The biggest question I had for myself was, “Why not?” My journey has always been an uphill battle. After all, the entertainment industry will always be one of extreme difficulty. I will say that since my debut, the most important lesson I’ve learned is to not get upset and be too hard on myself over whatever I cannot control. As long as I’ve prepared myself in the best way possible and given my full effort in it all, I am able to somewhat relax a little bit. My journey has felt smoother since I’ve adopted that mindset.

You've taken on a variety of roles throughout your career. Is there a particular character or project that challenged you the most, and how did it impact your growth as an actor?

I would have to say Prince Zuko has definitely challenged me the most, because it was certainly the furthest I’ve been pushed to in terms of my emotional range on camera. The amount of time spent working on this project was also the longest in my career. I came out of the project an entirely different person. This role has made me a significantly better actor in so many different ways.

Could you provide some insights into the storyline of Netflix series Avatar: The Last Airbender without revealing any spoilers, and what makes this series unique?

As far as plot goes, we are certainly remaining faithful to the original storyline of the animated series, however, we do have some differences in our show that will hopefully give us a separate identity, especially for the people watching who are fans of the animated series. I think what makes this story unique is our storytelling. I feel that viewers will really fall in love with the characters, the plots, and the entire world of Avatar: The Last Airbender because of our wonderful writers.

Could you share any behind-the-scenes anecdotes or memorable experiences from Netflix series Avatar: The Last Airbender or previous project that fans might find intriguing?

On set, Paul Sun-Hyung Lee (who plays Uncle Iroh) looked after me the way Uncle Iroh looked after Zuko. He was always there for me no matter what.

In Netflix Avatar: The Last Airbender; what are the differences and/or similarities between you and your character Zuko? Please elaborate.

When it comes to something that Zuko and I are chasing in life, I think we are quite similar. We share the same amount of fiery passion, and in a way, we become quite obsessive of whatever it may be that we are trying to achieve. Zuko will do whatever it takes to get what he wants just like how I dedicate all my time and energy to a project that I’m working on. The most obvious difference between the two of us is that I am clearly the better firebender.

How do you approach character preparation and development, especially when taking on roles that may be vastly different from your own personality?

I dedicate all my time and energy to every role regardless of how different they might be from my own personality because I want to give 100% in all the roles that I take on.

Are there any specific genres or types of roles you aspire to explore in the future that you haven't had the chance to take on yet?

I’m open to anything and everything. Because I’m still at a very early point in my career and life, I want to do it all!

How do you balance the demands of your career with personal life and self-care, especially considering the fast-paced nature of the entertainment industry?

The time spent with my family and friends balances it all out for me. Whether it’s going out to dinner with them, watching movies, or simply hanging out at home, I am always happiest with them.

You are also known to be trained in martial arts. What sparked your interest in martial arts, and how does it complement your career in acting?

I had always enjoyed watching action TV shows and films when I was younger, so my parents had decided to put me in it knowing that it would make me happy. Throughout my career I’ve noticed a few similarities between acting and martial arts. In martial arts, you start off with choosing a specific style that you want to study and apply the techniques that you learn from it. However, the use of those techniques will vary depending on how that person incorporates themselves into it, and how they adapt to each situation, really making it individualized. Similarly, in acting, you will learn various methods and techniques and apply them to the scenes you are given. And within each character, there will always lie part of your true self. When acting out those scenes, actors infuse them with their personal life experiences as well. Just how an experienced martial artist will react differently in each situation.

What advice would you give to aspiring actors looking to establish themselves in the industry based on your own experiences and lessons learned?

Remain strong! Don’t worry about what others are doing or working on. At the end of the day, there is only so much you can control. Therefore, always give it your best effort no matter the character, scene, or project.

How does culture representation and involvement in community inspire you personally and professionally?

Through hope and love. Whether it is in my personal life or my career, I’m constantly motivated to improve myself as a human being.

Who is your inspiration and why?

My parents. They’ve sacrificed everything for me and given me more than I could ever imagine. I have a hard time understanding how they did it, but all I could come up with was love. The way my parents love my brother and I is unconditional and incomprehensible. I aspire to be like them every day.

Name 3 actors that you would like to work with and why?

The actor that I want to work with the most is William Dafoe. I could give a number of reasons explaining why I love him so much, but more than anything I would just like to learn from him and work alongside him. His wide range of work and different characters is what inspires me the most. Whenever I watch him on screen, it never feels like I’m watching William Dafoe play a character, rather it feels like he really is that character. He fully immerses himself into every moment. I find it to be extremely impressive and entertaining.

Can you share any insights or hints about your upcoming projects or roles in 2024 (besides Avatar: The Last Airbender) that your fans can look forward to?

I enjoy acting and I’m open to anything when it comes to roles and projects, so, all I can say is, 2024 is going to be an awesome year! GR8T

#natla #atla #dallas liu #photoshoot #interview #gr8 magazine #netflix avatar #netflix atla #avatar the last airbender #avatar netflix #atla netflix

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sacredpyre · 3 months

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PROMPTS FROM FOURTH WING* assorted dialogue from the novel, adjust as necessary

“A dragon without its rider is a tragedy. A rider without their dragon is dead.”

"Fly...or die."

“This place cuts away the bullshit and the niceties, revealing whoever you are at your core.”

“You look all frail and breakable, but you’re really a violent little thing, aren’t you?”

"You gave me your heart, and I’m keeping it."

"I’m going to keep you. You’re mine,"

"Only if you’re mine."

"I’ve been yours for longer than you could ever imagine."

"I don’t deserve you. But I’m going to keep you all the same."

"Blades aren’t the only way to disarm an opponent."

"Nature likes all things in balance.”

"Lust and logic never seem to go hand in hand."

“Strength of courage is more important than physical strength”

“The right way isn’t the only way.”

“Hope is a fickle, dangerous thing. It steals your focus and aims it towards the possibilities instead of keeping it where it belongs -on the probabilities.”

"Fear is not the enemy, but rather the catalyst for growth and bravery."

"In the darkest moments, it is our light that shines the brightest."

"The only limits we have are the ones we set for ourselves."

"Strength is not defined by physical power, but by the ability to persevere and adapt."

"Sometimes, the greatest battles are fought within our own minds."

"Forgiveness is not forgetting, but rather freeing ourselves from the chains of resentment."

"Success is not measured by material wealth, but by the impact we have on others."

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to face it head-on."

"The path to greatness is paved with determination and unwavering faith in oneself."

"We are all connected, and our actions have the power to inspire and uplift others."

"Patience is not passive waiting, but a strength that enables us to endure and overcome."

"The past does not define our future, but it can shape the strength and wisdom we bring to it."

"Our deepest fears hold the potential to become our greatest strengths."

"Love is not a weakness, but the most powerful force in the universe."

"True success is not achieved alone, but through collaboration and lifting each other up."

"Believe in yourself, for no one else can determine your worth."

"Failure is not the end, but a stepping stone on the path to success."

"Happiness is a choice, and it is found within our own hearts."

"Our scars tell a story of resilience and survival, a testament to our strength."

"Wisdom is not gained overnight, but through a lifetime of lessons and experiences."

"The power of our thoughts can shape our reality."

"Every ending is a new beginning, an opportunity for growth and transformation."

“Lies are comforting. Truth is painful.”

"I will not die today.”

"I wouldn't be standing here if I'd quit every time something seemed impossible to overcome."

“Don’t borrow tomorrow’s trouble.”

“None of this is worth it without you.”

“You can't make me fall for you and then die.”

“You’re making us look bad. Stop it.”

“There is no me without you.”

“Going for blood today, are we, Violence?"

“Coming in last is better than coming in dead.”

“I am annoyingly aware of everything you do.”

"There aren't enough curse words in the word for this.”

"“Tell him if he harms you, I'll scorch the ground where he stands."

"I would rather die than harm you, and you know it.”

“When did I ever give you the impression that I give a fuck what people think about me?”

“But if we let fear kill whatever this is between us, then we don’t deserve it.”

“If I asked you to stay behind, would you?"

"I try not to pick fights I know I can't win.”

“Justice is not always merciful.”

#indie rp #fourth wing #fantasy rp #open rp #meme #rp meme

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wodrueckts · 11 months

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so i’ve been sitting with the ted lasso finale for a few days now, trying to nail down what exactly it is that made me not like it very much. because generally i don’t really think it was BAD. i think it was fine. as far as overall plot beats are concerned it hit pretty much all of what i was expecting or at least thought was very possible (ted going back to kansas, beard staying, rebecca getting with dutch guy, nate being back, keeley, roy and jamie all being single at the end) and i don’t really have a problem with these developments on paper although the execution often left some things to be desired.

for me personally especially how nate’s arc with ted resolved was particularly unsatisfying. i mean, what we got was a nice, emotional scene (thanks for the most part to nick mohammed’s acting) but all in all it just lacked impact (at least for me). i mean, i’ve waited the whole season for these two to finally have a heart to heart but then it ended up being quite underwhelming.

and i think that’s what i’d call the finale in general: underwhelming. lacking emotionality. especially from ted, as many people have already pointed out.

so it was underwhelming, big whoop, finales rarely feel wholly satisfying. so why did it kind of make me feel worse about the whole show? that’s what i’ve been trying to figure out.

and i think it has to do with how it made me look back on ted as a character. because it opens the door for me to see him in a less favorable light than before and it undermines the arc i thought (or hoped) they were going for for him.

ted starts off as a very *kind* character. kindness is pretty much his core attribute. but not in a naive or unthinking way; his kindness is a conscious choice. he is kind because he thinks everyone deserves kindness and because he believes kindness will lead to the best outcome. his kindness is also a defense mechanism, a kind of armor. it keeps people at arm’s length without them noticing. and ted deploys his kindness to that effect a lot. because ted is also afraid of letting people in. he’s nice to everyone but doesn’t really let anyone get close.

and i thought his arc would be that ted finally learns to let people in, to make himself vulnerable to them and risk them being able to hurt him. and i do think that that was actually the writers’ intention. and they did achieve that, kind of.

but for me the finale calls all that into question again and makes me wonder whether ted actually DID let people in. whether he actually CARED about anyone at richmond (beyond the way he generally just cares about everyone).

people have said they were upset about the finale because ted left his (found) family and his support system behind. but is that even true? have we really seen them be his family and support system? or rather have we seen him think of them like that?

the show has shown us a lot of instances of people loving and caring for ted but i don’t remember a lot of instances where we really see how much that means to HIM. or that it actually means anything to him at all.

what i’m trying to say is that i don’t really remember feeling like they were really IMPORTANT to him. of course he cares about them but ted cares about everyone. he cares about them in a very selfless way. but i think if someone is really important to you, you also care about them in a “selfish” way (and i don’t mean selfish in a negative way here). and the only times we’ve seen ted care about someone selfishly was with michelle, which makes sense because she was his wife and he loved her and they have a kid together so of course she is important to him, and with dr sharon, when she left and triggered his abandonment issues. but of course dr sharon is also his therapist so it’s a whole different dynamic in general.

with everyone else he’s just very accommodating, very forgiving, very nice, very... dispassionate.

and i was hoping we’d get to a point where we actually see how much the people in richmond mean to ted, where it would actually be hard for him to leave them, not because of some sense of duty or obligation but because he just genuinely, deeply loves them. but i feel like the show never quite got there. they got kind of close with nate at the end of s2 and beginning of s3 when ted seemed genuinely sad about what happened with him and missed him but that also just fizzled out (and was ultimately squashed in the finale when ted was essentially like “eh no biggie” in the scene where nate apologized)

and the finale just cemented ted’s seeming lack of care when we didn’t seem him wrestle at all with his decision to leave. he just decided to leave and that was that. and many other people have noted how he didn‘t even seem emotional or like he cared at all while other characters (especially rebecca) were practically throwing their love at him.

so really, what was his supposed growth in the show? that he finally went to therapy (admittedly a big step, not slagging that)? that he can ask for help in the form of letting his friend hire someone to stalk his ex? (not the kind of help i’d want him to ask for tbh)? There was some growth in other departments of course, like when he actually admitted to michelle that her relationship with dr jacob bothers him, something he probably would’ve never done before, but again, that’s him selfishly caring about michelle.

so the show now appears to me as: ted runs away to england, he touches many people’s lives without really getting too close himself but does learn some life lessons before he goes back home.

and maybe that was the intention. it is a story, i guess. but not a very satisfying one. at least to me.

or maybe they just made ted a bit TOO nice, a bit TOO caring and forgiving and perfect, that it reached all the way around to coming across as uncaring and detached, which was then only exacerbated by the finale.

(OR this is just my own baggage and issues with social anxiety rearing its ugly head which always makes me a bit suspicious of people who are nice and caring to everyone not because i think these people are fake or not genuine or anything like that but how can you tell if someone like this actually likes you or is just nice to you because they’re a genuinely nice and lovely person. which meant ted has always been on thin ice for me anyway and seeing him leave everyone with seemingly not much trouble just confirmed all my fears. WHO’S TO SAY)

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #does any of this make sense its 2 am i cant tell

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barmadumet · 4 months

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So, @underacalicosky and @wibzenadarksiderwithasoftheart tagged me in the WIP Tag Game, AND THANK YOU FOR THAT, but I don't have any new WIPs since the last time 🤷🏻‍♀️and you all know about all of those. . . BUT I have been working on option 3 from that poll quite a lot - I have about 75k words, but I am nowhere near ready to post a first chapter. But you know what? I think part of my slump right now is that I haven't shared any of my writing in almost 6 months since I finished Streets. So, though I am nervous to do this - because knowing me, I'll probably end up changing this or scrapping it - here is a small sample of that fic I've been working on:

Ferus awakes to the smell of brewing tea, and he’s not even sure how Obi-Wan has achieved such a feat when he doesn’t even have a kitchen, but the aroma is unmistakable. He glances at the parallel palette a few feet away – Anakin is still sound asleep, and the first sun is not yet peeking into the interior of the cave.

When Ferus stirs, he sees Obi-Wan perched on the plateau in the entryway of the cavern. He sits beside him and the Jedi Master slides him a cup.

“I had another ready,” Obi-Wan comments evenly, but cheerfully. “I thought you might be up soon. . . Your Master used to talk of how you’d wake with the suns.”

Ferus’ lips curl at the mention of his former, deceased Master, Siri Tachi. “She was like Anakin, and could sleep all day if you’d let her.”

Obi-Wan smiles softly. “And he needs extra rest these days, it seems.”

“He does. He gets worn out so quickly. . . It’s strange to think it’s Anakin – always so competitive, pushing himself to the limit. Needing to be the best. To win.”

“That need for victory,” Obi-Wan somberly tsks. “I do believe that’s where I lost him.” He sighs. “His fear of losing. . . It impacted him in more ways than one, but now that he’s lost so much, I don’t think it frightens him anymore.”

“Well, he hasn’t lost you – and it’s clear you’re what matters most to him.”

“You mean a great deal to him as well,” Obi-Wan reminds intently.

Ferus marginally shifts the subject, “Obi-Wan? You don’t have to answer this, but. . . I saw the two of you last night, the way you. . . I know I only implied it before, but did the two of you have a relationship?”

“Not a romantic one, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“That is what I’m getting at – the way you held him, and the way he was curled up against you – I can’t say it’s a position I’ve ever been in with my Master, but I’ve surely slept beside my husband in the same manner.”

“I never touched him,” Obi-Wan defends sharply. “Especially not when he was seventeen. But when he got older, when the war started. . . Well, we became less like Master and apprentice and more like. . . something else entirely. But nothing ever came of it. There was tension there, and to be honest, I think it caused problems between us. This chirpy Anakin is one I’ve not seen in a long time, and I’ve missed him terribly. I honestly don’t know what possessed us to curl up together last night, because it’s not something he’d remember us doing; it’s not something we did until he was older. We’d seek comfort during the war, but it was never really romantic so much as just comfortable – natural. . . and I suppose that’s why we ended up that way: it just felt natural. I’m sorry. I’m rambling, and I know that’s not much of an explanation, but when it comes to Anakin. . . in light of this situation. . . I’ve just never before been so confused and so sure of myself all at once.”

Ferus laughs ironically. “That’s exactly what I was trying to explain to you about taking him under my wing. It felt both wrong and right. I’m still conflicted at times. . . and I. . . I can’t stay, Obi-Wan.”

Obi-Wan’s head turns sharp. “You can’t go,” he protests.

“I can’t stay,” Ferus reiterates. “I need to get back to the base – check on things there. Try to get back home and make sure Roan’s family is safe.”

“But you don’t intend to return.”

“I. . .”

“Anakin will be crushed. Please don’t do this. Not right now. Let him get settled.”

“He doesn’t need me, Obi-Wan; he has you.”

“Do you not hear how he refers to the two of you as one unit? Do you not see the way he lights up when you enter the room? Do you not see how he hangs on your every word? ‘Well, Ferus says. . . Ferus thinks. . . Ferus wants. . .’ ”

“That’s just because we’ve spent so much time together. I’m all he’s had for the last few weeks. He’ll be fine. I know you’ll take care of him.”

“You aren’t so sure. I can sense it – your worry for him, but you’re running away because it scares you –because of what he used to be, and I’m. . . I’m scared, too, and maybe I need you just as much as he does right now. You’re the only one that— Don’t go. I want you to stay.”

Obi-Wan and Ferus go quiet when they sense Anakin awake and approaching.

“Good morning, dear one,” Obi-Wan beams when a sleepy looking Anakin appears. His eyes are tired. His face is blank. His arms are folded, buried in his Master’s robe, head covered to hide his scarred face.

Anakin’s gaze is on the horizon, where the second sun is just starting to rise, the shadows of the cave now absorbing soft morning light. Both men have turned to watch him. Now, he watches them back and smirks. He wedges himself between the pair, then puts his head on Obi-Wan’s shoulder.

Ferus is just about to stand when an arm comes around his waist and pulls him closer. A cybernetic hand snakes up his back and rubs it gently. Ferus slowly turns to look at Anakin just as he lifts his head from Obi-Wan’s shoulder, and Ferus finds he can’t look away from the intense and engaging stare.

Anakin lets his forehead tenderly bump against Ferus.’ When he feels Obi-Wan’s arm stretch around him, he boldly decides to now use Ferus as his personal pillow instead, supremely content with having contact from each side.

Obi-Wan’s knuckles brush back and forth against Ferus’ ribs, an indirect way to communicate, a way to say he understands. He knows Ferus is wrestling with the very same qualm he himself had struggled with for many years: craving Anakin’s touch, while simultaneously fighting a guilt-ridden urge to push it away. He sees Ferus’ dark eyes peer at him from over the hood of the robe Anakin is still snuggled in – tethering between satisfaction and indecision.

Ferus is rigid, neck straight and chin high. But at Obi-Wan’s faint, but soothing smile, and with Anakin burrowing further into his side, he can’t help but rest his cheek to the top of Anakin’s head, shamefully giving in to the warmth and solace they both provide.

The three remain huddled together as they watch the sky change colors in a comfortable silence.

*

Thoughts?? Any interests? I feel like this will be a fic about 4 people will read lol, but I've been wanting to write it for almost 2 years now. I feel rusty! Idk if I can pull it off, but I'm going to try.

Thanks again for the tags, friends! It looks like all of your WIPs have been inquired about (or I already have knowledge of them! 🤩) These all look DELISH!!!

#wip game #not exactly the same game but #you can always send asks if you want to know more!#obikin #and ferus #obikinfer #or i also like skylinobi for this trio #sigh #beautiful boys

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dark-nimbus · 7 months

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A Rant on Representation in Media (mostly comics)

CW: ableism, disability erasure, mentions of fat phobia, mentions of fetishization, lmk if there’s anything I missed

I can’t believe that here in 2023 we still have to say this, but fuck it this year has already been hell enough so why not add another thing

Representation, whether it be for disabilities or culture, race or religion, any marginalized group— ALWAYS MATTERS

I spent the majority of the other night dealing with people trying to downplay the impact of Barbara Gordon’s paralysis being retconned. Wanna see how that went?

“Oh, but it’s okay if Barbara Gordon still has some mobility because there’s paralyzed people that regain their ability to walk”

Her spinal cord was completely severed, she was left fully paralyzed from the waist down

“There’s a 60yo fighting in a Kevlar bat suit and shifting clay people, but Barbara getting her legs back again is a problem?”

Okay, can clay people restore a spinal injury? Can Batman punch a nervous system into fully functioning? What relation does that have?

Aside from the fact there’s zero connection between the two, paralysis actually fucking exists. Batman and clay shifters, believe it or not, don’t. Lemme know if you find an irl Batman or Clayface that needs representation. Go on, I’ll wait

“Barbara being able to walk again isn’t disability erasure, there’s other paralyzed characters”

The definition of disability erasure is literally terminating someone’s disability under the belief it makes a person less than. The fuck you mean it’s not?

And how many paralyzed comic characters can you name? I’m willing to bet it doesn’t come to 50. Every character belonging to an underrepresented group matters. Whether their representation is taken away completely with that one character’s erasure or not isn’t the fucking point. You’re still fueling the already negative stigma around disabilities and sweeping disabled people further under the rug

“Her disability erasure doesn’t matter, DC will just paralyze her again in later issues”

I’m sorry, are you completely paralyzed from the waist down? Do you embody each and every paralyzed person and their experiences? No? What makes you think that you get to determine whether the erasure of something you don’t even have matters?

As for DC re-paralyzing Barbara, it’s been retconned since 2011. Even if they do plan on undoing whatever whack job microchip magic they’ve got going, they sure as hell are taking their sweet-ass time

I can’t believe people were actually arguing in favor of Barbara’s disability erasure, but here we are. Representation has always mattered and always will, and yet media loves grossly misrepresenting everything. Barbara was such a strong character as Batgirl, and flourished in her character development even more as Oracle. Her struggles, overcoming them, and learning to love herself and value her abilities beyond the mantle made her a well-loved inspiration for many. To have all of that stripped away and undone with a microchip was just as insulting as it was a destroyed opportunity for character growth

And unfortunately that’s not the first conversation I’ve had regarding the representation of characters

Oh, you thought I was done? Ha! I wish. How about Spiderverse?

“Oh but Sun-Spider can’t be a superhero, she’s wheelchair-bound!”

Professor X. The Chief. Oracle.

And just to cover all my bases: Bucky Barnes, Daredevil, Hawkeye, Doctor Mid-Nite, Hornet, Jericho, Cyborg. And that’s not even going into characters with much more hidden disabilities. Disabilities never stopped anyone from being able to achieve anything, nor should it ever

“Fat spider-people? Really? That’s just unrealistic”

Yes, really. What’s the problem with that? Surely it’s not the webbing, which have been proven to be durable enough to support buildings. No way it’s how they’re shaped when there’s a car, a horse, and a whole ass T-Rex spider variant

Some people really forgot the whole concept behind the first Spiderverse movie. How Stan Lee made it clear that “anyone can wear the mask.” It doesn’t matter your body type, whatever disorders or disabilities you have, your ethnicity or your upbringing. Being a hero is so much more than that, and the diversity of each spider-variant only reinforces how Spider-Man represents everyone

But let’s go even further with voice acting

“So what if Sunspot is being voiced by a white person instead of an Afro-Brazilian voice actor? It’s animated”

Oh wow I wasn’t aware that representation stops at the sound machine. Yes, Sunspot’s newest voice actor is Brazilian, but with a character whose ethnicity plays an integral part in his story, you’d think Marvel would figure casting an Afro-Brazilian VA would be more authentic for the role than the fourth white dude in a row, but no. Of course not

And with each VA they cast, Marvel pushes Afro-Brazilian VAs out of this role they’d intimately understand and be passionate in representing. VAs that Sunspot fans would love to see knowing that their favorite character (or even themselves) would be understood, rather than being hollowly voiced with characteristics that don’t match the person

“If Sunspot should be voiced by an Afro-Brazilian voice actor does that mean Magneto should be voiced by exclusively German Jewish voice actors? It’s not a monolith”

And neither are Brazilians. Hell, neither is any religion or race. That’s why we want an Afro-Brazilian VA. There’s so many nuances that can only be breathed into the character by someone who understands because they themselves have lived that life. It may be small but those nuances are what make the character feel alive to their audience, and the closer a VA is to the experiences of their character, the more genuine the character feels

Portraying animated characters doesn’t fall completely on the writers and artists. Artists may take control visually, and writers may be responsible for plot and voice lines, but it’s the VAs that are in the spotlight. VAs are the ones that gives these characters character. And those characters can’t be fully and properly represented for viewers if it’s not all there

Representation always matters. Its significance doesn’t go away with erasure, and it definitely isn’t less important because other people who aren’t among that marginalized group refuse understand. Disabilities don’t define who someone can be, nor does body type, or culture, or religion or any other background. It doesn’t stop at the sound machine. Anyone who says otherwise are just adding to the ignorance most media uses to excuse the already shit representation of the entertainment industry

Every marginalized group is valid. Every minority deserves to be portrayed as they are and not feel like they’re being fetishized, infantilized, or inaccurately represented for the sake of plot

Little me, the queer adopted Asian kid with raging ADHD, severe anxiety, and shit communication skills deserved more than the fetishization from anime characters and shouldn’t have needed to wait until they discovered Cassandra Cain, the first character to show that superheroes could look like them too

And people that never struggled to find themselves represented in media sure as hell don’t have an excuse to encourage lacking representation and feign ignorance when common decency and basic human empathy is free

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novantinuum · 22 days

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I'd love to hear more about Connie's trauma! The attention you give her character through the parallels between her and Steven always resonated with me.

Ohohoh yasss I really do wanna get back to this one…

This one-shot examines like… the whole thing with Connie being largely absent from Beach City and active Gem nonsense in the beginning of Steven Universe Future, and attempts to give an potential explanation as to why.

Like I guess personally, it just always seemed a bit strange to me that she made such a sharp pivot from actively desiring to be a close participant in Gem matters on Earth, to… seemingly not? She even specifies to Steven in Together Forever that her interest in politics is more for “down to earth” reasons, when he asks if her experiences with intergalactic diplomacy got her on that train. So my brain kinda was just… okay, what changed? And my current thought is that… after the deeply, DEEPLY upsetting experience she went through in White’s head… she realized she needed to take some time to step away for her own wellbeing. And I think it took some time for her to figure out even that much- some time, and some long discussions with her own therapist. Thus, set post movie, I have a scene with her and Pearl cooking away in my brain. It’s only a starting sketch, but it’s eventually gonna tackle like… the residual trauma Connie still has about Pearl restraining her when she was controlled by White.

Snippit:

_

“All right! Wonderful hustle, as always!” Pearl says, her holo-Pearls dissipating into glittering light at her command. “Now—“ she summons a material sword from within her gem-space, posture falling into a ready stance— “your final opponent today will be me. You’ve made great strides with those new defensive maneuvers I’ve taught you, so let’s concentrate on refining our footwork this time, shall we?”

“Yes, Ma’am!” Connie exclaims with a snappy salute, and refocuses her attention on the precise rhythm and form of her steps as— with a mighty shout— she glides across the training grounds towards her teacher, sword in hand.

Stance wide, she reminds herself. Body lowered. Let your toes point the way.

Ever the in-sync mentor, Pearl follows her lead. She’s clearly not playing it easy this afternoon. To be fair she rarely does, but there’s this extra wild glint of tenacity whirling in her eyes that alerts her to the fact that she’ll have to dig for every last strategical advantage to win this one. When she raises her blade to attempt her first strike, the Gem effortlessly dances around it. She counters with a swift overhead assault, which Connie blocks with the flat of her weapon.

If she were practicing against the holo-Pearls, her teacher would’ve interrupted the moment to shout an eager word of praise, but not this time. Not in their recent one-on-ones.

Not when some stray Era 3 dissenter could drop right onto their doorstep at any second and destroy all the progress the Crystal Gems have worked so hard to achieve.

It’s unfortunate— ever since the injector incident a few weeks ago, the usually bright and upbeat atmosphere at Steven’s house has grown… uncomfortably tense. Most of the bio-poison’s damage has been mitigated by this point, with Beach City residents aiding in physical clean-up and Steven using his powers to heal the ecological impacts, but there’s been a clear shift in the tides for her friends. She can feel it radiating in her very bones. Before Spinel, the Crystal Gems seemed content to hang up their weapons and enjoy the peaceful bounty and simple joys this new era promised. Though she still trained with Pearl during that period, those spars resembled more of a casual workout than any real battle simulation.

But now… even though they try not to show it… Connie can tell her friends have been re-traumatized. Recent events have simply sucked them right back into the barbed thickets of the war they never truly escaped. It’s not a physical battlefield this time, thank goodness… more a battlefield of the mind… but in her opinion its impacts are one and the same, even for Gems.

All the endless perils that shaped the trajectory of their pasts… they’ll always in some small part be there to haunt them.

Connie, of course, is no exception to this rule.

#jen rambles #still doing these! Feel free to scroll back on my blog to the list of wips to ask about one #wips

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sadieshavingsex · 8 months

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hi everyone. I think I have figured out the “real problem” in my life. I am really starting to understand myself, I think, in a new way. I understand how my entire concept of life fits well into the ideas of borderline personality disorder, codependency, fearful or anxious attachment, boundary issues, and more.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot this morning. Here is what I think is the root problem: i am literally, no hyperbole at all, clinically debilitated by my all-encompassing obsession with love.

What I mean by this is that I am so obsessed with finding a partner, attaching to a partner, stressing about a partner, discarding a partner, and starting the cycle over again that I feel I need some kind of clinical treatment, whether it’s inpatient our outpatient, whether it’s therapy or meds, or I need to join some kind of group like SLAA, whatever I can do to stop this uncontrollable issue that I have accidentally allowed to control my life for years.

I cannot stress enough that I am literally unable to experience life without these obsessions, and I see very little point in living without or outside of this cycle of romantic attachment. The advice to find a new hobby, see my friends more often, or take some time to relax by myself will never be enough—despite hanging out with people or working on a project, I will mentally be in a different place, wondering about my partner/crush or worrying about our relationship. The times are very few and far between when I am genuinely able to forget or not focus on this near-constant train of thought, and it usually happens when I am very busy or have a lot going on in some way. Even when I achieve this state, the moment that I am back to “normal” life with less demands or less concerted focus, the thoughts rush in again. And, much of the time when I am having these continuing obsessive thoughts, I genuinely believe that these thoughts are the most important thing I can focus on in my life, so I will sometimes have difficulty focusing on other stuff, participating in activities with others, or getting things done without these thoughts constantly playing in my mind.

I mean this in the most serious way possible. I am LITERALLY OBSESSED with romance and objects of affection. It sounds like I’m overexaggerating and I think that when I have become vaguely aware of this issue in the past and tried to tell people about it, it has generally been met with the assertion that I MUST be overexaggerating this in some way. And, if I’m not, then it is honestly something that seems super embarrassing to admit or talk about. But the truth is that I feel like I can’t overstate or overexaggerate the impact that this has on my life. I feel like it takes up every moment of my free time and then some, and it has ever since I was a child.

I know this issue essentially fits into all of these diagnoses and issues I’ve been experiencing and reading about, but I somehow feel that it transcends them as well. Like, THIS is the thing that makes normal aspects of life debilitating. THIS is the reason I let my boundaries fall by the wayside so easily. THIS is the reason I repeatedly find myself in situations that make no sense with what I’m actually trying to achieve. THIS is the problem. This singleminded uncontrollable OBSESSION with loving and being loved is INSANE. It is driving me actually nuts and running my life into the ground. It needs to be dealt with and it honestly cannot go on!!!!!!!!

Anyway. I feel encouraged by realizing that but I have no clue how to actually fix it. Thank you very much for reading lol.

#mine #sex therapy #bpd #anxious attachment #boundaries #codependent #slaa #idk just an idea maybe I should go there honest to god #attachment issues #long post #limerence #I sound like I’m genuinely going out of my mind but like this rings so true to me #and it’s like so embarrassing and there’s probably no reason to share it and I feel like people reading my blog will b like wtf is wrong wu #or like think I’m making a big deal out of nothing #or maybe just be like ‘dude that’s just bpd it’s not a big deal’ or whatever #but like being able to explain this through words is a big deal to me idk. I feel kinda stupid for making a big deal ab it #but yeah. it’s a big deal to me and makes me feel better to be able to say it in a way that makes sense to me

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astro-duck · 8 months

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In defense of DT17 Doofus!

He’s better, I’m sorry. I’m sure some people, especially if you grew up on the cartoons and are used to him, would disagree. But I’ve seen too many memes slandering Doofus Drake and I will not stand for it any longer.

1) He’s a foil to Louie Duck in 2017

He serves more of a purpose in my opinion. Characters don’t need to serve a purpose to be good, but Doofus in ‘87 wasn’t super impactful and when he was the center of the episodes, the could have been filled by someone else. For example, anyone could have found the crystal he finds in “Superdoo!” (S1 E52) and it would have a similar story. Louie desires to be super rich, so it’s good to see him compared to a kid who did get super rich very quickly (and kept his money). Him being really weirded out by Doofus works to show the audience how it could turn out if Louie achieved his goals long-term. This is especially true when you consider how he acted when he was briefly the richest duck in the world.

2) He’s less of a harmful stereotype

Now, he’s not not a stock character in ‘17, but he plays a different sort of character. Instead of being a fat idiot who really likes food, he’s a spoiled rotten psycho who will do anything to get his way. Both are stock, stereotype characters, but I’d argue that stereotyping spoiled rich kids is much less harmful. He’s also just more modern. The fat dumbass character has become less popular over time, where making fun of insanely rich people is all the rage.

3) He has more room for development

Now, he doesn’t change a lot because he’s a fairly minor character, but at the bare minimum things happen to him that are implied to affect his development off screen. His arc with Louie ending with him forgiving Louie for “ruining his inheritance” was certainly something. As well as his inheritance being halved in the first place by B.O.Y.D., who deserves it more than him. These things are the start of a significant change for Doofus, even if it just happens after the events of the show. OG Doofus does not have the space for that sort of development, because being big and really liking Launchpad aren’t flaws that should be fixed, they’re traits to be laughed at.

4) He’s just funnier

Personal opinion, but I like him more in DT17, I just prefer when he’s on screen to when Doofus87 is on screen. I think it could be because of my age and the shows I’m used to watching and the character types I’m used to, but I prefer the style of humor Doofus17 brings. Plus he has some of my favorite one-off gags, like the “What is he gonna do with umbrella and walnuts?!” Line. Technically said by Louie, but caused by him.

Final thoughts:

I think it would be funny to watch them physically fight.

Also if you don’t like ‘17 Doofus, try picturing that he’s not named Doofus Drake. Maybe if you stop looking at him through that lense, he’ll bother you less, because he is an insane departure from Doofus87. They aren’t even close to being the same character.

#ducktales 2017 #ducktales 1987 #ducktales #doofus drake #I really like him in the reboot #he slays #but also this is just my opionion #but please I want to see Doofus Vs. Doofus in the ring

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whovianderson · 8 months

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(TW) A very overly personal discussion of Mulder’s suicidality in Redux

Despite Mulder ending up faking his suicide, I immediately picked up on the implication that he was close to killing himself before the phone rang.

(Side note, but I’m virulently opposed to how they used this for shock value. Suicide should not be written as a cliffhanger. It is a serious issue that ruins lives, my family’s included, and not a writing device.)

Anyway, I don’t think this attempt is in character for Mulder.

Namely, he would never do that to Scully. A huge part of the reason he’s distressed at all is because he feels responsible for Scully dying. If he killed himself, Scully would know that, and would subsequently blame herself. He would effectively be making her feel responsible for his death in the way that he feels responsible for hers. Maybe I’m biased by my experiences, but he has to know that he’d be hurting her more if he did this. That’s why I was so relieved to discover that there was never a moment that Scully thought he did kill himself, because I know the horrifying emotions she would be experiencing in that position. This storyline reminded me of what it’s like to experience those emotions. It also made me think about what the people I love feel when they are suicidal, which in itself was distressing.

I’m aware that this is a very sensitive topic, and I hope this doesn’t come across badly. I know (from my own personal experience) that when one is in such a state, one doesn’t have the capacity to think of other people. I am by no means blaming Mulder, or anyone else who deals with mental illness as I do, for its effects on others. Mental illness is not a choice, and therefore can’t be blameworthy. Neither can one rationalise with mental illness, because it doesn’t make sense, so I’m not going to try.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that from Mulder’s entire characterisation so far, his love for Scully transcends everything. He has proven time and time again that he cares about her more than he cares about himself. I don’t think he would risk putting her in a position where she could feel any guilt for his death, when such guilt is literally why he wants to die. She is dying already. He wouldn’t want to infuse her last moments with guilt in that way.

I don’t deny the fact that Mulder’s entire life has been turned on its head, and that’s had a huge impact on his mental state. I’ve written about this in other posts, but the strategies he developed to cope with his trauma and grief have suddenly been taken away from him. On top of this, the fact that he indulged in those coping strategies for so long has fatally harmed the person he loves most. It would be enough to make anyone feel this way.

I know firsthand what it’s like to hold yourself responsible for someone else’s life, what it feels like to believe that you are killing somebody. I can’t begin to describe how awful it is. To this day, I feel so guilty about not being able to fix other people’s struggles that it drives me to some very, very dark places to try and reverse the roles. So trust me, I understand where Mulder is coming from, and this episode is yet another way he is an extremely relatable character to me.

Perhaps I am being contrived for the sake of relating to Mulder, perhaps I am in denial. It’s hard to say. Overall, as a fandom, I think we need to treat all interpretations of this scene with respect - particularly because it’s such a difficult subject for so many of us.

Sorry, that was very self-indulgent. I just needed to write my thoughts out in order to be able to continue to enjoy the show that has brought me so much joy.

I’ve already started watching Redux II, and it has helped me so much! Mulder had found a productive way to help Scully, one that isn’t self-destructive. That’s what I aspire to achieve on my healing journey. He was also so happy to see Scully when he visited her in hospital, which made me emotional. He’s decided to savour the time he has left with her instead, because being present for the people you love is the most important thing, even if you can’t save them.

I’m so, so grateful for The X-Files. Not long ago, I wouldn’t have been able to watch the show because of this. Instead, the inclusion of this plot line has enabled me to challenge my biggest trigger, and rewarded me with the continued enjoyment of something I love with my whole heart. Recovery is possible, and this has shown me that I’m now one step closer!

#I had a whole breakthrough with my mental health while writing this post lmao #had to take a quick break to write an email to my therapist #tw suicide #tw discussion of suicide #whoops I trauma dumped again #pip watches txf for the first time and goes insane #5x01 #redux #the x-files

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downstairsbar · 2 months

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re: the tags on your last post. sorry this is kinda long. I've been reading your iwtv fics and found your tumblr by accident and read through your posts on here too. i think your writing is phenomenal! I usually don't even really read fic because it annoys me when characters are even slightly ooc. Your characterization is spot-on and i feel like you understand these characters (the tv ones anyway, i don't read the books) on a deep level and your writing truly engages with the material in an honest way that seems to take a lot of self-control. As in, you avoid taking the easy road, which to me is much more interesting than, idk, ignoring character traits if they're inconvenient. ANYWAY, this is all to say that it also annoys me when people only comment shit like "he should die" on your work that engages with the show in such good faith and in such a well thought out way. I typed out a whole thing about how people who comment "kill him" on literally any Lestat thing are boring and are just trying to imitate your humour but doing it badly but it got too mean lmao so lemme just say: I assume they think it's what you would find funny. it's not a reflection of your writing! I think you're achieving exactly what you want to achieve with your fics. So don't be discouraged. Your fics are super popular for a reason, even with a non-fic reader like me :) We all love your writing and can't wait to read more <3

don’t be sorry I’ve been thinking about this as k since u sent it last night and I showed it to friends too cause it’s so nice and thoughtful :( saying I don’t take the easy road is like the sweetest compliment omg I’ve never heard that before but it means so much wtf!!! yeah I don’t think anyone means anything bad by it and obviously I love dragging him too but sometimes I’m like why would I write a Lestat who suddenly is the perfect partner and doesn’t have any psychopath tendencies impacting everything he thinks and does… also I thought we all agreed he thinks first w his dick so the actual challenge is getting him to think three seconds ahead or consider what will happen after he comes so he’s not just gonna stop finding other ppl attractive esp not the ppl I’ve made up jus to torture him about it… it’s ok if I am like not getting this across as clearly I always have room to grow as a writer but your message and kind words really are a balm to the soul and the heart :’) like yeah I’m rationalizing it all but this really is the best message I could’ve gotten at the heart of it ilysm

#qs #can we kiss

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muqingapologist · 3 months

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Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

this is such a hard question because i’ve gone through so many phases of obsessing over pieces of media in my life, and sometimes it’s really hard for me to parse which characters are lasting favorites and which are just part of that phase. but i’ll try! keep in mind, lots of sentimentality ahead…

and this is in no particular order.

1. wei wuxian (the untamed)

ok so this kind of goes along with a previous post i made discussing my feelings of the mdzs book vs. the untamed. when i first watched the untamed at the recommendation of a friend, it was so unlike anything i’d ever seen before. and wei wuxian was so unlike any protagonist i’d ever encountered before. his determination to do what’s right no matter what others do, but also not being above experiencing doubt and uncertainty about his decisions, really touched me. also of course his carefree attitude toward life is something i repeatedly try and fail to achieve myself. it might also have to do with xiao zhan’s acting choices, but he really touched me as a character. it’s hard for me to say if the wwx of the book did the same organically because i read it over a long period of time after watching the show, so im just going to count the untamed version.

2. shizuku tsukishima (whisper of the heart)

this one is probably pretty niche but allow me to give my most heartfelt recommendation of whisper of the heart, my favorite ghibli movie and one of my favorite films of all time. shizuku is the protagonist of the film. she’s a young girl, probably about 14, and so far, her life has been defined by satisfying her imagination by always reading fiction, immersing herself in stories. inspired by the love interest of the film seiji, she decides she wants to try to be a writer. the film is kind of like a slice of life over a few months of this time, and we see shizuku struggle with perfectionism and wanting to follow her dreams and inability to take criticism, etc. i rarely cry over movies but i cried at this one because i had just never felt so seen by a character. everyone please watch whisper of the heart!🙏

3. prince zuko (avatar: the last airbender)

i think 50% of the reason he’s on here is sentimentality since avatar was a show i watched so much throughout my childhood and of course again more recently with its resurgence in popularity, but also what can i say? his character arc is unmatched. i won’t rehash the details. i will say uncle iroh would probably be here instead if we knew any more about his past because he’s off-screen journey is just so fascinating to me.

4. percy jackson (percy jackson & the 12 olympians)

PURE sentimentality but ya know….also im only considering this character how he exists in the original series. he kind of lost me in heroes of olympus. but yeah percy jackson was the first character that really impacted me back when i was 9, and i think i still carry that impact to this day. i also think the original series still holds up reading it as an adult.

5. kim wexler (better call saul)

kim nation!!! reveal yourselves!! i watched better call saul a little over a year ago and damn, it’s so rare to find such interesting, well-developed, flawed within reason female characters in a tv drama like this. her intelligence and her tendency to get carried away with jimmy don’t contradict each other but work together. her emotional journey….UGH!! kim x post-prison jimmy, who else hopes?

6. xie lian (tgcf/heaven official’s blessing)

so this one is new and i’m not completely sure the deep impression will last yet, but i’ll explain. when i first read tgcf about two years ago, i kind of skimmed because it was so long, and the feelings i had toward xie lian were…not super favorable. i was kind of bored by him and….i saw him as a lesser wei wuxian. AND I WAS WRONG!!! because i reread tgcf finally a couple of months ago, no skimming, really thinking about what i was reading and now i love him. his journey from optimistic prince who had never before suffered to carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders to nearly collapsing under that weight but despite all odds, pulling through and once again finding that optimism, or at least hope. it touched me so much this time around!!! also i don’t know why i thought he was boring first time around. this guy is funny as hell! anyway, lots of lessons to apply to my own life and whatnot.

7. ninth doctor (doctor who)

guys….hear me out. notice im not saying “the doctor” because i think most of doctor who is just nonsense. but that one season with the ninth doctor (and okay i like the tenth doctor’s seasons well enough, or i did really love them. less so these days…). so much potential. so when i say he’s one of my favorite characters ever, i accept that it’s mostly the version of the doctor that lives in my head and isn’t subject to the bad writing decisions made later in the show. it’s a lot of sentimentality, but i am really fascinated by this traumatized alien guy who just lost his entire people, finding himself devolving into more violent, unforgiving tendencies, but meeting rose, jack, whoever else along the way is able to remind him of not who he was but who he could be. of course doctor who is forever ongoing though so character development can only go too far lol.

8. nozue (old-fashioned cupcake)

this is also brand new so not sure if lasting because i only just read and watched ofc, but man. this guy’s journey from being defeatist about getting older and turning 40, being afraid of trying anything new, to allowing himself to experience new things, one of those things being falling in love! his whole concept of using regret as fuel for happiness, transmitting that idea to togawa who transmits it back to nozue later!! ahhh!! so like my love for this character might actually just be love for the entire story but i can’t not mention it every five seconds rn so….

9. isabel archer (portrait of a lady)

so this is the protagonist of henry james’s portrait of a lady, which i finally finished reading last month. and gosh! well the book itself was amazing, but i was especially touched by isabel’s character, mainly because she just felt so realistic. her motivations, her goals, her shift, her sorrows, they all feel earned, creating an incredibly vivid character that i think most people can find something in there to relate to, especially other women who have always been told they are clever and imaginative and yet find themselves struggling internally to live up to those expectations.

10. natasha rostova (war and peace)

it’s been years since i read war and peace in my university freshman seminar, so it’s hard for me to speak on the details of why exactly this character is here. but also it’s no surprise because this is a character that continues to be the star of russian literature. what i can say, she’s another bright, carefree character (clearly symbolizing aspects of russian culture but even beyond that) who it’s impossible not to feel deeply connected to. she goes through some pretty life-altering stuff in war and peace (everyone listen to the musical called natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812 for those details!!) and as the reader, you just really feel for her. idk man she still stands out in my mind, but also this is also much thanks to the musical i just mentioned above.

i kind of came up with these on the spot so like…who knows how accurate this is, but i like to talk about the things i like so sue me. thank you for the question though!!

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dez-wade · 5 months

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I’ve been thinking about it a bunch since purgatory ended and I think the main issue for me and maybe in general too was it was WAY too hyped and then turned out to just be pointless in the long run. Like qsmp was at its peak story wise for so many character (Cellbit murdering the workers, Slime with code flippa, Phil not knowing what was real after the birdhouse and being constantly followed by birds, Bagi and her dealing with her brothers actions and impacting how she saw him and herself, Baghera learning she was raised by the federation, BBH and his stuff with the soul vultures and Ron, Etoiles and Fit with the resistance stuff) and for others they were beginning/getting more into their personal lore (Pol, Antoine, Pierre, foolish, tubbo) and then this event was thrown at us as being this CRAZY, NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN, YOURE NOT READY FOR THIS BEST EVENT EVER and as everyone was very in “story mode” it meant as viewers we would assume that it would be linked to that but it just turned out to be a pvp grinding competition for two weeks that had no pay off and amounted to nothing except burning out most of the active players making them take extended breaks from the server and didn’t achieve the obvious goal of trying to incentivise ccs who don’t log in often because they’re not interested in lore to log in because nobody who doesn’t play semi regularly logged in after the first day anyway and it even discouraged people who play regularly from logging in (Antoine literally said he wasn’t going to play in the event after the first day because he doesn’t enjoy that style of event and gameplay) so it was like this massive hyped thing that amounted to literally nothing and in the process delayed/derailed peoples personal lore (which was what most people were watching for, their faves povs story) and made a bunch of their most active players take a break and I know for me personally and a bunch of others I’ve seen say similar things it honestly impacted peoples desire to watch as regularly

Purgatory is easily the worst arc that happened on the server. Like, I admire the admins effort and everything and I hope it works better for whatever they're planning with the new one they plan on doing with smaller CCs, but god I hated it so much. At some point I just stopped watching, I couldn't take it and I completely understand why some CCs just gave up.

Nothing paid off. I know some people can see a good thing they gained from it (Bolas and Soulfire found family maybe), but I don't think there was a good single thing for me. Nothing that was sacrificed to make this arc was worthy for me. And it also happened to make the fandom infinitely worse, created a big divide that is still not gone and made the annoying people even more annoying, and got them more support.

I wish I could just forget this arc exists and hopefully things get more consistently better in the next few months. I know some people want to see the consequences between the characters, but I'll be way happier if they just pretended it didn't exist.

#qsmp neg #not even a crit at this point because i just hated everything #ask

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