#9 looks so fucking clueless I cannot
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123 Thoughts while watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Season 1, episode 3: Because You Left
I l1. God I forgot we start on this flashback.
2. Fuck Joel Maisel, being shitty about Midge’s drink choice. “Yikes. We’ll work on that.” WHAT A HORRIBLE THING TO SAY TO ANOTHER PERSON!
3. I have so many thoughts on that one line. That maybe Midge WAS, at one point in her life, just maybe a little sweet, if a little rebellious, and Joel decided he was going to turn her into what he wanted out of a woman.
4. What he thought he wanted out of a woman.
5. And it.
6. Fucking.
7. Backfired.
8. Shoulda married Palmer.
9. He’s so fucking pushy and I hate it.
10. “You belong to Me” is their song. HEY LOOK MORE TERRIBLE CONTROLLING THINGS. Not only is it a little creepy to be like “I don’t know you that well but this is our song now.” But the title alone “You belong To Me” is fucked up.
11. I swear, if they get back together in season 5, I will rip my television off the wall and eat it.
12. “You’re destined for better things than this.” JOEL YOU ARE NOT BETTER THINGS. BETTER THINGS IS NOT YOU.
13. (Better things is Lenny’s dick.)
14. (Sorry, children)
15. I love that Midge helps the other jailbirds with the stains on their shirt. It’s such an unsettling conversation but Midge still wants to help.
16 She’s a naturally helpful person, turns out.
17. LOL Susie talking to Rose and being totally freaked out, and I love it. Truly. Barely anything scares Susie. But Rose. Rose flips her out. Love it.
18. Rose is a badass and I love it.
19. LENNY BAILED HER OUT LENNY BAILED HER OUT LENNY BAILED HER OUT!
20. “You’re not Susie.”
21. “Nope.”
22. These two idiots. I love them so much I’m gonna cry god dammit.
23. Wearing his jacket. He rushes to open the door for her.
24. Just fucking get married.
25. Susie is having a NIGHT. Between Rose and Lenny. She just. Can’t catch a break tonight.
26. They really did fail at making Lenny look...not hot. Luke Kirby is too handsome.
27. AND THEN HE INVITES HER TO HIS GIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGG.
28. Rose and her grapefruit. Gilmore Girls Richard vibes.
29. “When did Zelda get married?” lol foreshadowing maybe?
30. Oh Rose. Poor Rose. She’s being severe here, but she’s really worried about Midge. As much as she’s failed Midge in other ways (teaching her all of the toxic bod image bullshit forever), she really does try her best to be a good mother. And I think a lot of the time, she does succeed.
31. TMMM Rose and Lenny scene challenge I WANT IT.
32. I’m not going to get anything on my season 5 bucket list, I’m gonna have to write an entirely alternate season 5.
33. Again.
34. Abe is so clueless in season one. And he cares but he’s so absent. And he pays for it in season 2.
35. Ethan and the staring.
36. Poor Ethan. His dad up and fucks off, his mother is acting like a fucking fruitcake and he’s like four. He has no idea what’s happening. Of course he’s being a weirdo, WE ALL WOULD BE.
37. I do love Imogene, but she is so normcore in season 1.
38. Midge is so short. Imogene is SO SHORT.
39. “I brought it along on our second date. He was surprised.” LOL WE HAVIN BABIES ARCHIE GET USED TO IT.
40. Abe for fuck’s sake.
41. I know Rose and Abe want Midge to be settled and secure. I know. But Joel is not it. He is not it, and at this point even Midge knows that. She loses sight of that a few times, but like. JOEL IS NOT IT.
42. Oh Midge. That is. Too fancy for Kessler’s office.
43. We need more Kessler. GIVE US MORE KESLLER. GIVE US KESSLER DEFENDING LENNY.
44. LOL Susie on Midge’s tits. Just. The best.
45. “If you had just dressed for the meeting.” I love him.
46. Zelda’s notes. “You to be quiet.” I love it. I should start doing that lol.
47. Seconal is a hell of a drug man.
48. And also Rose is so weak-willed in this first season. Like maybe she’s being manipulative here with Abe but. It’s not a good look.
49. Midge is so proper in these early episodes.
50. HORSE FUCKER. lol
51. Midge just. She cannot keep her mouth shut. She cannot do it. And you know what? I wouldn’t be able to either. “Little lady.” Fuck that shit.
52. Thank you?
53. This judge is fucking awful.
54. Here we go.
55. Midge. Midge.
56. Aaand arrested again. Girl. Oh girl.
57. Ugh having to go to Joel. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.
58. You fucked someone else and left, Dude. She doesn’t fucking trust you enough to tell you. Get used to it.
59. Abe looks...unhappy. To be at Maisel and Roth.
60. The music in this show makes me so happy.
61. Eater Island face lol.
62. One criticism of Moishe I totally agree with is how horrible it was for him to take back the apartment. His grandchildren were growing up in that apartment. Their safety and security should have come first. Not that Midge didn’t have anywhere to take them, Abe and Rose’s place is perfectly fine, and they spend plenty of time in Queens, once the Maisels move, but still. Those kids didn’t desserve to be jerked around that way, no matter how Midge and Joel (mostly Joel) were acting.
63. I never realized even back in the 50′s/60′s you had to pay for temple seats on high holy days. Fuck I’m so glad I never bothered with synagogue as an adult. As if life isn’t expensive enough.
64. Abe’s “My suits are good” shrug makes me happy. I know Tony Shalhoub isn’t Jewish, and as much as I wish they would have found someone who was...he does a good job of playing Abe as a Jewish man.
65. Kevin Pollack is a treasure.
66. THE 13 JEWS.
67. I also love Abe’s tie. It’s nice.
68. “Follow-through has never been in strong suit.” For. Fucking. Real.
69. I mean he came through with the money. That’s. Something.
70. God fuck. Poor Midge eating so much crow. I hate that for her. “After all. I am a woman.” Giiiiirl.
71. Fuck this Judge I hope he steps in dog shit every day forever.
72. UUGUGHGHEUOIERJLEJRLKEJ FUCK
73. Blind leading the blind. “It’s gonna work.”
74. Aw hugs. Gals bein’ pals (or girlfriends.)
75. Look, I can multiship with the best of them.
76. Mrs. Mouskowitz. Love her so much.
77. His plan is moving in with the dumb asshole girl he’s dating.
78. YES THE VANGUARD.
79. Lindsay and the threeeew!
80. AND LENNY! The Jewish and Goyish bit is so good. Listen to the original it’s so good.
81. Instant potatoes: SCARY GOYISH.
82. BOB BYHRE!
83. I love Lenny so much and we didn’t get enough of him in this show. We deserved more Lenny. I deserved more Lenny.
84. The bro vibes between them here are so good. They were always friends first and I just love that.
85. LOL Midge can hang. I love it so much.
86. Lenny is so tickled to be with Midge when she gets high for the first time. It’s adorable.
87. DO WE DO AN ACTIVITY?!
88. I think @theycallme-thejackal once wrote a fic where that activiy was a blowjob.
89. @theycallme-thejackal is the best.
90. Midge doesn’t carry pictures of her kids. I don’t know that my mom ever did either. My dad did I think, in his wallet.
91. AN ACTIVITY.
92. These stoned idiots trying to keep up with Midge good luck.
93. Whoseit’s got a head...the other’s got a...head.
94. Lenny’s genuine laugh there is so good. And he’s laughing at a parenting joke, because he’s probably thinking about Kitty and feeling the EXACT same way. “Are you fucking kidding? I don’t know what I’m doing holy shit!” I love that so much.
95. They’re not gonna get married. But they fucking should. Their connection is so good.
96. And maybe that’s delusional. I just love them.
97. Dear Midge: Some of us are just not moms. Trust me.
98. I want her to find out that Lenny is so boring at home.
99. Are those pretzels??
100. I tried to find the gif of Lenny’s face when she comes over to nom those pretzels and failed. It’s so good though.
101. also the face Lenny gives her when she walks over to sit down? I have been on the receiving end of that face from other people. I know it well. It’s happened.
102.We’re supposed to see the Friar’s Club in season 5. I dunno how that’s gonna go, but. I guess we’ll see.
103. I love Harry Drake. I hope we get a little more of him in season 5.
104. “Just be gentle.” Oh Lenny.
105. INVITED TO THE AFTERHOURS. GO MIDGE.
106. “You need me to be understanding or something?”
107. He’s so nice to her. The real Kitty Bruce has talked about how incredibly sweet her father was, and I love that we see shades of that in the show. He’s got a ton of problems, but there is so much kindness there.
108. And it’s in complete contrast to what we see from Joel in just a minute.
109. He gives her a joint as a lil gift. For later. Shit isn’t cheap. Kindness.
110. “WAIT WAS I SUPPOSED TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU?!” Love it.
111. Good job, Midge. You did good.
112. This flashback was in such a strange place. It felt really disjointed the first time I saw it. But again, it’s an interesting contrast between Lenny doing some light emotional lifting for Midge (The cab, the sympathy over her busted marriage, the joint, the parting joke to make her laugh) and Joel (letting Midge take care of him as usual).
113. Midge rollin’ up in the middle of the night, still a little buzzed. To this asshole.
114. And she liiiieeeesssss yessssss. Lie to him. He doesn’t deserve to know you got high with Lenny Bruce.
115. I’ve said this before. His “I don’t care what you needed the money for” is such crap. You SHOULD care. If you care about her, WHY DON’T YOU CARE?! Is it because you trust her? Or because you only care about yourself? I can’t tell.
116. “I’m thinking of giving it another go.” No sorry. No nothing. Just expecting to be let back into her life. Fuck’s sake.
117. Oh Abe.
118. Good for Midge telling him no. Because he fucked up and he’s not even fucking sorry. HE IS NOT SORRY! And she knows it. And he left.
119. Look at this piece of shit run away. Just. Not even an argument. Not even trying to change her mind. Just shakes his head and walks off like that piece of garbage he truly is.
120. Maybe that’s harsh. But he didn’t even try. Because he’s not sorry. He just wants to live comfortably again. He doesn’t care that he hurt her.
121. HE DOES NOT CARE THAT HE HURT MIDGE. Anyone who actually cared would not act like this.
122. And Abe finally understands just how terribly hurt Midge is. Though I’m not sure if that look on his face is because he’s hurting for her, or because his ploy to get them back together failed. Maybe both.
123. I love this episode. It is an al-time favorite. It establishes Midge and Lenny as friends with a new, but solid bond. It has some great Susie moments, and a great Midge set. Great stuff with Abe and Rose and Abe and Moishe. It’s so solid. I think it might be my favorite season 1 episode. <3
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Rika, my head is full of dad!Ushijima again help 😭 I imagine it takes him a while to get intimate with you but after the first time, it’s like a switch has flicked… he is so obsessed with feeling good AND making you feel good, his eyes never leaving your face… the pregnancy takes both of you by surprise, and he has to sit down for a moment to think about all it entails but deep down, he feels so warm and excited. Has no fucking clue about anything pregnancy related but does his best to keep up and check on you every time he gets the chance. Seeing your body change makes him feel all fluttery inside (can’t seem to keep his hands away from your bump, and your boobs have him in an chokehold) and triggers his fatherly instincts somewhat. Becomes much more protective over you and dotes on you whenever he can, in his own ways. Is @ training when you go into labor and cannot leave immediately, but almost sprints to the hospital on his own as soon as he can. Bursts through the door and sees you completely exhausted, a tired smile on your face at the sight of him, with a wriggling lil bundle pressed against you chest. Sits down next to you and stares at his little baby boy nursing without breaking his stare for a moment. Falls in love right then and there, though to outsiders his face is still set in its usual expression. Almost too afraid to hold the little guy in the beginning, you have to adjust them both under fits of giggles bubbling up your throat at this whole cute endeavor. He cannot get enough of how cute his child looks in his big arms. Is so earnest in trying to learn everything there is about child care so he can help you out and unburden you. You walk in on him trying to bond with the baby by presenting it with a big volleyball, his face all serious as he stares down at this 2 month old baby. You flee the premise and break down laughing outside so you don’t break his heart. The baby inherited his dad’s facial expression, so it‘s always funny to see them next to each other. IstG if I can‘t have him I don‘t want anybody else no other man has made me want to have his kids 😭😭😭
oh anon my head is always always always full of dad! wakatoshi thoughts!! i've been dying to write about this!
he wants to give you time and he's a bit too respectful in the beginning. but it's only because he's intimidated by the intensity of his feelings for you. and yess after that first time (he's soooo gentle and attentive and accommodating) he just can't keep his hands off you. both because no one has ever made him feel that good and wanted, but also because he's not very good with words. he can't really tell you how he feels about you, so he shows you with every touch and every kiss. and oh my god the way he looks at you!! eyes so intense it has you flustered and weak in the knees every single time. he's just ughh everything to me.
at first he's completely clueless about it. he's scared because he doesn't know if he has what it takes to be a good father. but i fully believe he would buy every single pregnancy and parenthood book he finds (and read them too!). he just wants to be there for you and your baby and support you through it all the best he can.
ashjsddhsdkhd don't get me started on how obsessed he is with you!!!! you will have to pry his hands off your bump. like that's your baby that you're growing in there?? gives both you and the bump a kiss before he leaves for training and when he comes back. you complain that your boobs are sore once and he gives you nightly breast massages. he's ofc only doing it for you, and not at all because he loves how full and heavy they feel in his hands. but yess he dotes on you constantly. anything he can do for you will be done. you won't be picking up anything heavier than a glass of water for 9 months.
ahh the dramatic hospital entrance <333 he'd be a complete mess, just in utter disbelief because that little baby is the most perfect thing he's ever laid eyes on. i think that your babies would be on the smaller side, even though he's so beeg, like they're a bit tiny. and when the nurse hands him the baby for some skin to skin contact, his hands are shaking a bit. he really just can't believe he helped make something so cute and tiny and fragile (and personally i believe there would be tears).
dad! wakatoshi is a bit of a baby whisperer. he just has this calm presence and the baby always settles in his arms. it's annoying cause you'll be trying anything and everything to get the little one to stop crying and nothing's working, but all wakatoshi has to do is just hold him to his chest and baby boy stops crying.
plssss he's explaining the rules of the game too!! he doesn't do baby talk either so it's hilarious. but they're too cute together!! i love a serious baby and i'd imagine he'd be a little carbon copy of his daddy.
out of everyone in hq, ushi is especially dad shaped, i can't even explain it. but he has that whole thing about dependability, and i genuinely think he'd be a very present and devoted dad and husband. he just loves you and your little family so much and wants to give his babies what he never had himself.
i know i know i know!!! me too :C i want whole football team. he's so special to me.
#i'm sorry if this is a mess i'm not great at casual writing#but i haven't been able to decided which wip to work on lately and u think u just made that decision for me!!!#anyways ty anon i loved loved loved loved this message#ushjima wakatoshi
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Rating Team Z and more on how likely I can beat them in a fight
Naruhaya: 9/10. He is the shortest member on the team at 5’6”. I’m still a little shorter but this guy looks likes he cannot fight at all. I would knee him in the balls once and he would die immediately.
Imamura: 8/10. This man is a canonical simp. His wiki says his favorite past-time is wooing girls. I would threaten to reveal his Twitch donations if he doesn’t step out of the fight. If he refuses to cave, I will simply do the same thing I would to do Naruhaya and knee him in the crotch by taking advantage of his chivalry. Easy fight.
Igarashi: 8/10. If you are bald, your attack stats go down by fifty points. I would clap this man in a fight no problem. The only thing I worry about is that he would probably start praying during his brutal beat down and I would feel guilty. But other than that, this is an easy dub.
Kunigami: 7/10. The only reason he is ranked so close up is because he is probably too polite and kind to fight me. He would concede in the start of the match. However, if we are talking about Kunigami after he was eliminated and became the Joker, he would fucking destroy me. No mercy. He would tear my ribs outta my chest and barbecue them. Then it would be 1/10
Chigiri: 6/10. Chigiri is a weird one. He has the potential to beat me in a fight but he also has a variety of limitations. He would evade me very easily and just start sprinting into the horizon and that would be a draw I guess. He could also kick me first because he is faster and end me. BUT WE FORGET ABOUT HIS BAD LEG. If I attack first and go for his knee, I would snap his ACL again and end his entire career: in fighting and in soccer. He also as long hair which I would yank super hard to subdue him and then I would beat him up. A hard fight, but a win for sure.
Isagi: 5/10. If he was not the main character, I would absolutely annihilate this man but because he has plot armor, I cannot say I can defeat him. It would simply be a draw. He would learn from this fight and become stronger from it. Then he will become the world’s greatest soccer player and street fighter because that is the logic of main characters.
Bachira: 4/10. He is not necessarily stronger than Isagi or the rest but he is my favorite character. I would have an internal struggle before the match. Then he would probably win because he has fought before in his childhood and picked up a few things that I would not know about. He would unleash his monster and send me to the hospital.
Kuon: 4/10. This man has like no screen time but because he is tall, he would beat me. His weapon is jumping which means he needs a very hard skull to bump the ball which gives him a major advantage. He has his eyes always closed tho so I would use his blindness against him and try to pull his hair but it wouldn’t end well because he’s like nine inches taller than me he would just make a well placed bonk and I would see stars.
Gagamaru: 3/10. This is an interesting one. He totally has the capacity to destroy me but he would be clueless in the start I think. I would use his confusion to make the first blow but then after that he would break my spine over his knee.
Iemon: 2/10. Like Kunigami, he is way too chivalrous and polite to fight back so that would put him at a 8/10. But because he is so tall and buff, his congratulatory handshake would crush all the bones in my hand, securing his win against me. So a 2/10.
Raichi: 1/10. There is no debate about him. This mans looks like he would crack his knuckles in the boxing ring and go “equal rights equal rights” before pulling my shorts over my head. In no universe can I win against him. He would not hold back and just completely KO me in a single punch that would crush my vitals. I would die. And then he would tea-bag over my corpse.
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lkfajsdflk
more thoughts abt fatness and desirability etc re: that one post i rbed and tagged
i can think of like Two characters who are actually fat who are cool interesting complex and their fatness is a neutral thing.
and they're both from the same show
laszlo and guillermo
like that's it lol
but i love them both bc they're complex characters who (as far as i know, bc again, i don't engage in fandom bc hhhhhhh) aren't FLATTENED.
yeah guillermo wears sweaters and is idealistic and goofy
but also? he kicks so much ass physically and emotionally
he is morally grey, fucked up, selfish, melodramatic, occasionally just MEAN
and ALSO a very loyal friend
he's not made to be ~comfy cozy~ or a joke just bc he's fat
it's just part of him, and it doesn't hold him back from having boyfriends and desires and BEING desirable
OR from being a truly fucked up piece of shit on occasion lol
and laszlo is The Most Desirable And Horny Man ever
and he's not portrayed as unwelcome in his advances, he's never portrayed as crude or rude or unwanted (except in very specific hilarious circumstances that have nothing to do with him being fat and horny)
he's not made out to be this lecherous freak
he's just exceedingly horny and eclectic and weird and funny and also sweet and heartfelt but utterly clueless about the weirdest things
he's a fun and complex character, and being fat is a neutral thing about him.
so when people make these two characters soft in fanart or fanfic, it's bc they're doing fandom shit, not bc they're fat (or at least, there's enough plausible deniability that it doesn't immediately read as that lol)
but az/raph/le is an irritating case to me
bc on the one hand YES MAKE CHARACTERS FATTER, IT IS A NEUTRAL THING! DO IT! GET USED TO SEEING FAT CHARACTERS AND IT NOT BEING A BIG DEAL! AND THEM STILL BEING DESIRABLE AND COOL AND LOVED!!!
and all of the other positive shit they said
on the other hand i am REALLY FUCKING SUSPICIOUS of people's motivations in making him fat in the VERY SPECIFIC WAYS they are making him fat
because you know what they ALSO do?
they make him SHORTER
and part of that is bc then together, he and cr/wl/y look like this:
oI
and ppl love that for some fucking reason
(baseless speculation that it's bc of reproducing gender roles and power dynamics in relationships that don't have them--ANYWAY)
people also draw/write him knitting. all the time.
i'm PRETTY sure he NEVER did that in the show. in reality i'm pretty sure he would be absolutely baffled by how it works bc it's a complex human thing. his only human interest outside of music and books is magic.
he doesn't even WEAR knitwear.
and yet. everyone draws him short, fat, round, and knitting, with this little placid smile on his face.
tell me that making him fat, doing those things, and calling him azi is in any way a neutral or positive thing 100% of the time.
okay that was really combative--
clearly i think a lot of ppl just don't think about it.
and some are just following fanon trends.
but either way, they are creating and reproducing something that relies upon shortness and fatness to convey "somft, smol, roumd, sweet uwu bb"
and it is INFURIATING.
I AM SHORT AND FAT
AND I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW OFTEN PEOPLE HAVE STEREOTYPED OR UNDERESTIMATED ME
they would see my anger as laughable or cute
my interests as childish
my glee and excitement as weak and youthful
my threats funny
and i'm REALLY FUCKING ANGRY that giving him the same traits i have is meant to fucking woobify him so he's smol and cute
and then there are posts that are like ooohhh!!! he's a badass! he has a PLAN! he's so cool and tough!!!!
all in the same tone of like. fucking. talking about your 9 year old wanting to dismantle the patriarchy. or a small dog managing to scare bigger dogs.
so while i'm glad that there exists a lot of fanwork that makes him fatter AND desirable
and just has his NORMAL, CANON ATTRIBUTES (goofy, endearing, a bit gullible, but also steadfast and loyal, also self-denying and occasionally clueless or reticent) that are PART of him but not meant to be EMPHASIZED by his physical attributes
like that's great
i'm REALLY fucking irritated to see him made shorter and fatter as a shorthand way of conveying uwu smol bean
he's not. any of those things.
so THAT is why he in particular being made fatter (AND SHORTER) in fanworks just grates on me
yes i have tried blocking tags but blacklist systems no longer work consistently on here :)))))))))
so i see a lot of it unwillingly and then scroll past at lightning speed
but yeah. those. are my thoughts.
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the boy
he is here
#9#9 2009#shane acker's 9#shane ackers 9#stitchpunk#the scientist (up to interpretation though)#9 looks so fucking clueless I cannot#not a thought in his head
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20+ Books That You (Might Actually Want) To Read During Pride Month!
Right, so. I got annoyed after seeing the list referenced in this post last night, told myself that my books are all packed up so I couldn’t do anything about it, and lasted all of a whopping 10 minutes before picking up my phone and attempting to make my own list instead. Behold, my from-memory attempt to present 20 books with strong LGBTQ plots, characters, and/or authors, that DON’T just rely on Suffering and Identity Politics and are... you know... fun.
Listed in alphabetical order by title. Links take you to Bookshop.org, where you can buy them from your local independent bookstore at a discount and NOT from the evil empire.
1. A Master of Djinn – P. Djeli Clark
* author of color
* steampunk Cairo in 1912
* djinn! magic! murder mystery!
* butch Arab lesbian main character
* devout hijabi Muslim badass assistant
* anticolonial alternate history
2. An Accident of Stars – Foz Meadows (Sequel: A Tyranny of Queens)
* trans author
* bi, pan, trans, aro representation
* racially diverse characters
* all female POV characters
* high-fantasy world adventures
3. Boyfriend Material – Alexis Hall
* queer author
* look I love this book SO MUCH and have absolutely screamed about it before but also I LOVE IT SO MUCH
* contemporary M/M fake dating in modern London, complete with full cast of disaster found-family queer friends
* it is. fucking. HILARIOUS. I almost died the first time reading it
* there is a sequel called HUSBAND MATERIAL scheduled to be released in 2022; I am a normal amount of excited for this book
4. Gideon the Ninth – Tamsyn Muir (Sequel: Harrow the Ninth)
* the book cover says “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted palace in space!”
* that is exactly what you get
* slow-burn enemies-to-lovers F/F main romance
* I cannot describe this book, it is dark, genre-bendy, science fiction-y, Hunger-Games-with-lesbian-necromancers-in space? Kinda? I have literally never read anything like it
* also fucking HILARIOUS
5. One Last Stop – Casey McQuiston
* queer author (who wrote Red White and Royal Blue)
* bisexual fat girl from the South/lesbian-daughter-of-Chinese immigrants from the 1970s-riot-grrl main romance
* time traveling mystery involving the Q train in Brooklyn (mentions Brighton Beach ahem)
* magical realism
* many more found-family chaotic queers including a trans Latino psychic and a Black accountant by day/drag queen by night and the mean little gay disaster who has a hopeless crush on them
6. Parasol Protectorate (series) – Gail Carriger
* this is one of my favorite series, and there are five books: Soulless, Changeless, Blameless, Heartless, and Timeless
* steampunk vampires/werewolves late Victorian London, like Jane Austen crossed with P.G. Wodehouse (they are all fucking hilarious)
* pretty much everyone is queer; we got your flamboyantly camp gay vampires (Lord Akeldama ftw!) We got your gay werewolves! We got your lesbian French inventors! We got your big disaster idiot werewolf main male love interest! We got your crazy adventures! You name it we got it!
* two spin-off novellas: Romancing the Werewolf (M/M) and Romancing the Inventor (F/F)
* she has a ton more books in this same universe and writes sexy queer supernatural romance as G.L. Carriger
7. Plain Bad Heroines – Emily M. Danforth
* queer author
* historical horror-comedy set between a haunted girls’ school in early-1900s New England and in the modern day
* all sapphic female main characters
* plays with style/form/voice, a story within a story within a story
8. Red White and Royal Blue – Casey McQuiston
* you’ve probably heard of it but here I am reccing it again
* the biracial son of the first female POTUS falls in love with the Prince of England; shenanigans absolutely ensue
* yes, the British monarchy still absolutely sucks a big fat dick
* hilarious, heartfelt, reads like fanfic, just go get it, it will change your life
9. Rosaline Palmer Takes The Cake – Alexis Hall
* same author as Boyfriend Material, this is his newest
* bisexual female protagonist
* absolutely perfect satire of The Great British Bake Off (you can tell this man has watched EVERY SINGLE SERIES and all of the holiday specials)
* sweet and surprisingly thoughtful
10. Starless – Jacqueline Carey
* genderqueer/transmasculine main character of color
* almost all main characters are brown people!
* lush Middle Eastern/India-inspired fantasy world
* gods, prophecies, monsters
* the best Oh God Why Me I Am A Horrible Mentor wise-old-mentor
11. The Future of Another Timeline – Annalee Newitz
* nonbinary (they/them) author
* time travel but make it The Handmaid’s Tale
* will probably make your head explode
* feminist, queer, subversive
* diverse characters
12. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue – Mackenzi Lee
* queer author
* technically YA but historical/magical adventure set in the 1700s
* bisexual disaster main protagonist and love interest of color
* (mis)adventures across Europe
* has a sequel (see below) with the badass asexual sister of the protagonist
13. The Hate Project – Kris Ripper
* nonbinary/genderqueer author
* M/M enemies to lovers/sex with no strings attached (spoiler alert: strings attached)
* HECKING HILARIOUS
* sweet, escapist, and very low stakes
* diverse characters, including fat protagonist with realistic anxiety disorder
14. The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy – Mackenzi Lee
* PIRATES, obviously
* sequel to Gentleman’s Guide
* asexual female protagonist
* strong queerplatonic f/f friendship
* more historical/magical 18th century adventures
15. The Last Rune (series) – Mark Anthony
* Imma be real with you chief, I haven’t read this series since I was a clueless teenager with no idea why I liked Gay Stuff so much, so if it does turn out to suck now, don’t throw rotten veggies at me
* but especially since it was written in the NINETIES, this series was hella progressive?!
* gay characters, disabled characters, characters of color, all playing significant and heroic roles in six-book epic fantasy cycle
* people from Earth end up in high-fantasy world of Eldh
* endgame M/M romance for the main character
* books out of print, I think, but you can find them cheap somewhere like AbeBooks; first one (Beyond the Pale) linked above
16. The Library of the Unwritten – A.J. Hackwith
* queer author
* heaven-hell-Valhalla supernatural adventures
* The Good Place x Good Omens x Lucifer x The Librarians
* Pansexual Black badass female heroine
* Queer found families
* The Sassiest TM Bisexual Villain Turned Reluctant Hero (is he my favorite? Why on earth would you think that.)
17. The Priory of the Orange Tree – Samantha Shannon
* epic doorstopper science fiction/historical fantasy set in a vaguely 16th-century world
* main F/F romance between a queen and her sorceress bodyguard
* sassy old gay alchemist whose backstory will give you Feelings
* so many strong women and characters of color
* no homophobia! marriage is fully gender-neutral, spouses are called “companions”
18. The Song of Achilles – Madeline Miller
* likewise one you have probably heard of but still
* a little light on the myth/historical part imho, but the writing is beautiful and will give you many feelings
* M/M romance between Achilles and Patroclus
* reimagining of The Iliad (her other book Circe is also really good)
19 The Stars are Legion – Kameron Hurley
* all-female apocalyptic space opera
* messy messy antiheroines
* grimdark war fantasy
* queer sci-fi drama
20. Witchmark – C.L. Polk
* author of color
* M/M romance
* main character is a veteran and a doctor dealing with his own hidden magic and repressed war trauma
* gaslamp fantasy set in a world reminiscent of post-WWI England
* strong sibling relationship
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Neil Josten Appreciation Post
Foxes Appreciation Series : 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 ||
Alright, let’s just start this by addressing the big elephant in the room: everyone loves Neil Josten. EVERYONE.
If you don’t, you’re lying.
Okay, first up- I’m glad this is getting addressed more on AFTG tumblr but Neil is literally so much smarter than the fandom gives him credit for.
Like yes, he’s a little dumdum on the social aspect of things (you could argue he kind of has a low EQ but also not really, I would argue that later)
but that doesn’t dismiss that he is smart af and that he can kill you and make it look natural if he wants.
For example, he literally outrun and hid from the mafia for years. Like, that in itself is an obvious point but we often forget that he did this at a very young age.
Like, he was presumably what? 16?? (when Mary kicked the bucket?) And kid was already playing hide and seek pretty well with a freaking mafia.
He does not get enough credit for this.
The survival skills it takes- the mental strength to survive as a runaway and technically he’s also homeless- at freaking 16, that’s just insane.
Also, let’s not mention the fact that it takes skills to forge official papers and all that.
We also do not talk enough about Neil and how he freaking have to relearn an entirely new position just to play exy.
I don’t think most remember that he’s actually a backliner, but have to play as a striker because it was the only available position in that local high school he attended in Millport, and that was how Kevin saw him so he was recruited as a striker.
We also additionally do not talk enough about how Kevin “literal and figurative Son of Exy” Day found potential for court in Neil “I’m a backliner but I’m playing striker because it’s the only thing available and I’m an exy junkie” Josten who only played it for like a year or less.
Like yeah, Kevin said he needs more training but it’s not even Neil’s official position.
The talent on this man- I cannot, he is such an icon.
Aside from his great survival skills and being literally great at picking things up- he’s also like freaking academically smart.
Like that also doesn’t get enough credit- I mean, he does math for fun.
Frankly, I think if you did Kumon or if you had an awesome teacher you could also do math for fun (I know I did) but this should be noted with the fact that he didn’t have proper schooling.
He went on a run at a really young age so there is no way he received formal education.
Which means he is naturally like really smart.
He’s also a polyglot. And the languages he has under his belt are all freaking difficult to learn- like, no kidding: French, German, and he can assumingly speak intermediate Spanish, and we don’t even have an idea if this is all the languages he can speak.
Also, he and Andrew learns how to speak Russian, right? Like, that’s crazy.
The brain on this man and the power that he has- my son, I am so proud.
I mean, for all we know- there’s more than that and the fact that he’s like 18 at TFC screams supremacy.
This is where I argue about his EQ but Neil is crazy perceptive.
It took him like freaking 3 seconds to figure out the team dynamics the foxes have, and how to work against it.
He later figured out how to make it all mesh together.
Like the way he do things isn’t conventional but reading him analyze his team despite his lack of empathy really makes me shudder.
Like, this kid is so freaking smart. I remember reading his thought process for the very first time and being like, okay- I definitely did not think about that.
The main problem with his EQ though is that he doesn’t know how to process positive stuff when he’s involved, but when he’s the outsider- his perspective is so amazing.
Like again, he kind of lacks empathy but the way he understands things and is just so sharp is just noteworthy.
I’d argue he doesn’t understand social cues and “modern teen things” but he isn’t so completely clueless on the social aspect in general as to not manipulate an entire team of misfits with issues to work together.
He’s literally the key to unity in AFTG. Even Dan says so.
Also, the way he puts things into play- like he’s a master manipulator, and I love that for him.
We do not talk enough about manipulative Neil, like I just really love manipulative characters in general so much- especially if they’re just owning it.
I mean, he freaking manipulated Andrew and Aaron into therapy. Kind of evil but also wow. (just a sidenote, please don’t force people into therapy lol)
Going completely dark for a second, Neil also has a freaking high pain tolerance.
The amount of horrible things he went through in the books were just so sad and the fact that he just kind of moves on from it? That’s just completely oh my gods.
My poor summer child, even if you can kill me at any given time, let me just hug you for a second with consent.
Everyone also gives shit about Neil’s fashion choices and granted it is said he kind of bags the homeless looks but the fact that he values utility above all else-
Yes, we stan a resourceful king.
Lowkey though, am I the only one who appreciate Neil’s average style?
Speaking of style- I love the way Neil narrates. Like, the way he doesn’t give much attention to how the character looks- it’s just so realistic?
Because if I’m talking to a person in real life, there is no way I am noting how his blue polo makes him kind of casual but clean-cut and how his brown eyes is as warm as my morning coffee. Like, who even does that?
The thing with Neil’s narration is that it’s just so authentic- like it easily engages the readers and the way he gives importance to every thing the same way, it really makes it easier for the reader to discern things objectively, y’know what I mean?
He just has that quality in a main character and narrator- he’s laidback and sarcastic but not trying too hard, and he’s just really easy to love.
Like, I normally don’t like narrators/main characters in books because I favor a side character more or just because they’re annoying, but Neil Josten is legit lovable.
At the same time, he’s also a really well-written character. Like, for all the technicalities I point out in AFTG, Neil is an asshole. He’s not perfect and I don’t 100% love everything that he does and I love that.
He’s a flawed character but he gives you something to root for- and I just really want to appreciate his characterization for a second. Most books make their characters’ flaws not even their fault to put a check to the flawed character but at the same time still have that perfect character. Eeww, no- give me real flaws to work with.
He’s one of the realest protagonists I ever read.
Like people give him shit for wanting to hide but also choosing to play a nationwide-discerned sport on an infamous collegiate team but for me it’s kind of realistic.
Because I think we, as human beings, also do things we love too much regardless of logic. I don’t know, like it’s kind of funny the way Neil is written but I honestly didn’t see him joining Palmetto as a loophole.
Like, just think of all those successful people who hid their identities via pseudonym or other necessary means to do things they weren’t expected to do or weren’t allowed to do.
For me, his character was really just looking for excuses to play his favorite sport a second longer and if anything, that’s just kind of sad.
But also, his dedication and love to exy is really admirable- like I never understood it but the way he literally does everything to stay on the court for a second longer just makes me want to root for him.
On a random note, Neil may not have an eidetic memory like Andrew’s but the way he memorize most phone numbers by heart?
Bruh, I don’t even have my phone number memorized and I freaking have it for two years now.
He also memorizes every twists and turns at every trip, every exits at a room he enters, and most people’s tics upon the first meeting, and other things and that’s just crazy perceptive but also really crazy on another level.
Also, we don’t get much ace/demi representation and out of the few I’ve consumed, demi Neil Josten validates me. He’s legit my favorite character that belongs in the ace spec in books.
I just really love Neil’s character so much- he’s just so amazing.
One thing I always appreciate about Neil Josten is that while he’s not a total angel (sadly), the way he loves the foxes- like he legit tried to mend the team and make sure everyone is going to be okay before walking straight to his death- like I’m with Andrew on this one, what a fucking martyr. Why are you like this and why am I crying?
Neil Josten is by all means not soft, that much is established, but the way he’s just still as precious and must be protected at all costs-
"You know, I get it," Neil said. "Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you're worth a damn off the court—yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time."
I love him, your honor- where can I file this adoption papers and do I have anything else to sign?
#neil is legit my favorite character in the entire series and i love him so much#he's my second favorite character of all time#i just think he deserves the entire universe#all for the game#all for the gay#all for the angst#all for my son#aftg#the foxhole court#the raven king#the kings men#the king's men#nora sakavic#neil josten#aftg neil#I freaking love Neil Josten like who doesn't?#Neil Josten supremacy#aftg appreciation hours#aftg appreciation post#raeraegoaway
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Hey hun! Reminding you about that Moshang list like you asked!
Sorry this took so long, I ran out of energy and didn’t get any more until like, yesterday. Okay, so! Moshang fic recs!!
AN IDIOT’S GUIDE TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE by tagteamme. Chapters: 8/8, words: 156,680
Summary: In order to pay off a debt that's not his, Shang Qinghua agrees to marry a man that's as cold and unyielding as he is stupidly rich.
Vod Notes: I’m not normally one for modern AU’s, but there’s just something about aspiring CEO MBJ and flat out broke SQH somehow wiggling his way into his heart that gets to me. The characterizations in this story are flawless, and the customary Moshang miscommunication/misunderstanding had me tearing out my hair at several points, yelling at these two dumbasses; and that’s how you know it’s a good one. 9/10 because I experienced lots of stress while reading this, which actually is a sign of a fantastic story, I’m just really weak and pathetic and immerse myself in reading way too much, so actually 11/10! Depends on how you look at it I suppose lol
a rose by any other name by sarahyyy. Chapters 1/1, words: 6,795
Summary: The one where Shang Qinghua suddenly becomes Prime Demon Marriage Material™ (bc of the LBH/SQQ marriage).
Vod Notes: somft. MBJ just loves SQH so very much, and SQH is pining ad dense as fuck. The perfect Moshang fic recipe. They are warm, soft, clueless idiots in this while still somehow being entirely competent, and we love to see that. SQH is a man made of contingency plans <3 I love it when authors do my son justice. 10/10
How to Panic Your Demon King by StarlightLion. Chapters: 1/1, words: 7,816
Summary: Mu Qingfang is starting to wonder if this is a requirement to be a demon lord. At least this one isn't kidnapping him.
Vod Notes: A delicious one shot about MBj worrying about the love of his life, who is a strong, dedicated, talented man who has an unfortunate training mishaps and then tries to cover it up bc he’s also dumb and doesn’t want to worry anyone. Stupid man. SQH we love you pls take care of yourself. You’re giving your husband grey hairs. A special treat toward the end with a MQF POV! My sexy doctor man is exasperated and done with everything. 10/10
it must follow, as the night the day by Tossawary. Chapters: 7/7, words: 26,342
Summary: Airplane Bro transmigrates into his own web-novel only to find out that the System messed up his world! Shang Qinghua is a demon in this world! All the characters supposed to be humans are demons in this world! And all the characters supposed to be demons are...?
Vod Notes: You simply cannot go wrong with Tossawary. They have the most scrumptious servings of Moshang in all the land. For this specific one, we’re gifted with a lovely Role Reversal AU! It’s got everything! Demon!SQH who is a absolute mess of a man? Serious cultivator MBJ who is stoic and cold but has the heart of a hero (or just a heart hardwired for SQH specifically)? Espionage? Feed it to me slowly like grapes. 11/10
You Will Never Step Lightly in the Dark by Janusoverlord. Chapters: 11/11, words 57,218
Summary: Shang Qinghua wakes up in the aftermath of Tianlang-Jun's rampage on Cang Qiong Mountain and has to navigate the delicate political situation he now finds himself in. Luo Binghe is building a harem with Shen Qingqiu as his first, and honestly most terrifying, husband. Yet, Luo Binghe seems to be turning his eyes to Shang Qinghua as a possibility as well. Excuse you? What is this? He didn't sign up for this!
Vod Notes: holy fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck this one blew my entire mind! Not only do we have SQH looking out for number one (which is himself, bless you my son) when shit turns strictly bad, but we have a absolutely, one of a kind, PHENOMENAL badass SQQ who is supporting his bro and fucking shit up left and right and everywhere for Airplane’s sake. God. This was like drinking fine wine. Breathtaking, spectacular. My life has been changed. MBJ spends most of this being a big, sulky, upset mess but don’t worry, cucumberplane fixes that up themselves. LBH get’s put in time out by both his husbands (because this is LBH/SQQ/LQG), because he fucks up in this majorly and SQQ isn’t fucking happy and doesn’t let him get away with it just because he gives him the puppy eyes and I AM LIVINGGGGGGGGG!! TLDR: simply superb badass cucumberplane, sad boy MBJ hours, and LQG gets stuck with babysit the naughty demon king duty. VERDICT: umm?! 7000/10
A Queen’s Trials (And How to Speedrun Them) by daddykeehl. Chapters: 1/8(as of 4/17/21), words: 25,000.
Summary: Shang Qinghua is now well on his way to the same happily-ever-after that every protagonist gets, but two things stand in his way. The Queen's Trials, and a council that just won't give up. Too bad for them, they really don't know who they're dealing with.
Vod Notes: Sorry I can’t hear any of your questions over the loud, shrill screams of my absolute LOVE for this story. it’s not finished, no, but it’s set up in arcs per chapter, so I’m fine with waiting for the next one to come along, and so will you if you read this. Because, lemme tell you. Fucking amazing. An SQH who knows everything about the North? He’s God, dammit, why wouldn’t he? Using that to his advantage? Not just to prolong his life, but to legally win the right to marry MBJ. God, this story is just absolutely breathtaking. I was speechless when I got to the end of chapter one. The sheer level of worldbuilding! Catch me with actual hearts in my eyes. The small DETAILS! The magnificently built OCs! The culture, the writing! The character interactions! SQH goes around accidentally winning the lifelong loyalty of every badass, OP demon in the Northern realm. I am still screeching. daddykeehl you’re my number one. fucking 200k/10 heart eyes emoji, heart eyes emoji (also, it’s part of a series! The story before this one, Quick, Easy Steps To Realizing You’re The Queen Consort, is also VERY good.)
#moshing fic recs#vodka answers#ask box love twt#shang Qinghua#mobei jun#svsss#fic rec list#magikarp karpykarp
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So a European told me today “must be nice to have a culture.”
And I... kind of lost it.
Context: we’d been chatting for a while, and I’d already had to deal with a couple of moments of... white people being white. Being clueless and talking over people, not being outright racist but saying clueless shit. The first couple of times I explained what was wrong and moved on.
To try to lighten the mood, I shared a video of the Métis jig that’s been going around. It’s a really great dance, and the video has some context on it--specifically that the dance had been suppressed for a long time.
I was talking about the Métis people, and how they had created their own unique culture, which I personally find really fascinating and inspiring as a mixed indigenous/Native person. It’s a hopeful thing--even if they wound up losing a lot of that culture, and having to fight to get it back, there was a time where people could create new things without having to burn down the old.
(And I am not Métis, so if I am misrepresenting Métis culture and history here please feel free to correct me.)
But the key thing is that I mentioned being “cut off from everything.” Because I am. Because I cannot wholly embrace my European ancestry. Because I don’t know Kanien’kahe:ka or Choctaw. Because I am stuck between two worlds and sometimes it feels like a struggle to try to create anything new, any hopeful way forward.
And then they said “it must be nice to have a culture.”
This is a European. Living in Europe.
I lost it.
Any white person, and particularly any European, who thinks “I don’t have a culture”--don’t try to justify this stance. Stop and consider that you don’t feel you have a culture because your culture took over the world. Literally, Western European culture is everywhere.
And yes, I am lumping in all of Europe here, and no, I don’t care how different you all think you are, I was getting the same exact attitude from someone in France and someone in the UK. An attitude of “my specific experience is better than anyone else’s.” An attitude of “I don’t know about this so I will disparage it instead of politely asking questions.” An attitude of becoming defensive upon being called out. The same attitude I get from American white people. You’re not that different. You’re really not.
Culture is about food, and language, and art, and religion, and music.
I do not eat the food of my Native ancestors. I don’t even know what most of it was, and if I did, I couldn’t find it in a grocery store, and where I can it’s being marked up for white people to eat. (Wild rice, anyone?)
I do not know their languages, and I probably never will. There’s no Duolingo for Choctaw or Kanien’kahe:ka
If I use art or music of my ancestors I am derided and belittled or else white people come in to steal it and claim it as their own.
My ancestral religions were outlawed in the US until three years before I was born.
And before any European goes “well that’s the US, not me!” No. No. It’s you. It’s still you. The US just imported all the colonialist bullshit your ancestors put out there, and you’re still being isolationist and racist while the world is on fire.
The saddest part is, I don’t hate European culture as such. I am mixed! Many of my ancestors were from the UK or France or Austria! I love frybread, and I love soda bread, and I love strudel! I honor all of my ancestors, and the complex and difficult relationship I have with them. Some of my ancestors are the same people who did the colonizing and the genocide. I have to live with that. But many of them were good people living difficult lives, just like many of the people I know today.
I owe a great deal of my moral and ethical upbringing to my Oma, who was Austrian. She was 9 years old when the Nazis came--invited in, I will note, as she made sure we knew--and her family detested them, and she lost friends. She left as soon as she could. She taught me about her homeland, and she taught me about solidarity, and about the evils of sympathizers. She taught me about the Holocaust. She refused to let those horrible things go silent to her children and grandchildren. She did her best to teach us what she knew of my Opa’s culture, the few things he’d shared when their children were young, because she knew it was important. She was not perfect, but she tried.
White Europeans do not have to continue to be complicit in racism and colonialism and genocide. You can choose to do better.
The first thing to do? Shut up. Seriously. Stop talking. Sit down and listen. Maybe it’s hard, maybe you’ve come from an abusive background, maybe you’re neurodivergent. Maybe you’ve had to be quiet all your life already.
But I am all of those things, too, and I am a survivor of a very recent attempted genocide. Imagine how much time I have spent in my life being talked over. Being told to be quiet. To not make a scene.
Maybe you’re young, but I knew better than to say that sort of thing before I hit puberty. I had to, because to be a person of color--even a mixed one, even one with light enough skin to pass for white--is to be deeply aware of these things at all times.
Which is not to say I haven’t had my moments. I have. But dear gods am I aware of them.
And that’s the thing--the lack of awareness. The lack of consideration. The continual spouting of something clueless and hurtful and then “oh I didn’t know” as the response.
You should know. If you don’t, then go learn.
And for the love of all that is holy, if you read this in the tags and you’re some random person who didn’t already follow me, don’t come into my damn inbox looking for education, because I will kick your ass out so fast your head will spin. If you’re on the internet in 2021, there are so many resources about European colonization and white supremacy that you have no excuse not to at least try to learn things on your own.
The one lesson I will give? Stop talking. Start listening. I don’t need to hear your cutesy shit about how different France and England are from each other. You both did horrible awful fucked up things in the not-so-distant past. Stop talking about yourselves and start listening to the people affected.
#racism tw#genocide tw#indigenous stuff#ndn#fucking white people#i am not vaguing#i am going to link this somewhere the people involved can see it#but i think it's a good general message?#just#stop#listen#learn#also i need to vent#i really need to vent#this made me cry#it hurt so fucking much#and it's part of the reason so many poc never feel safe around white people#because we never know when you're going to come out with this sort of thing#long post for ts
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Sorry I’m advance but one of my other favorite accounts just reblogged a Tony scene and people are talking about Civil War and how it made them Stan Tony, and how when they watch that movie they hate team cap👀 Then someone was all about how he was sleep deprived and how much pressure he was under and couldn’t understand how people didn’t like Tony because. Someone literally said that when someone says they don’t like Tony in Civil War they say “did you watch the same movie as me.” I’m baffled. Oddly enough someone else said, “he just wants to help everyone.” Sorry for the rant but I think people forget about what the accords are and what it would mean for people. Side note, I hope you’re having a great day/night 😀
No sorry needed!
I feel you man, I do. Honestly, I’ve unfollowed people based on similar posts when I was in especially Done moods, so.
Look on the one hand, the movie would’ve been a narrative failure if everyone was in favor of one side or the other, right? The whole point of the damn thing—besides giving the Mouse overlords more money—was to spark discussion, debate. Which, yeah, we’ll call that the tame description for what actually happened. But just, the thing was meant to split the fanbase so in that regard…winning? Thanks, I guess?
Film is also very obviously subjective, different strokes for different folks, so yeah, ten people can watch a movie and none of them are gonna see the exact same film. Let’s try to remember that this is, in theory anyway, a good thing. I just read a professional film review yesterday where I had the same reaction. What film were you watching, dude? Incidentally his reviewing partner said the same thing.
So honestly, no, they weren’t watching the same film as you or I or anyone else, because everyone brings their own biases and experiences and knowledge and interests into a thing, and that’s always going to flavor how it’s viewed. Again, let’s try to remember that this is good. In theory. Heavy on the theory.
That out of the way? Let’s get into Tony specifically so his uber stans can find this and scream at me on anon as though I just shot RDJ with a nuke.
Oh yeah, he was stressed. Oh, he was sleep deprived. Yeah, I’ve heard that. And that it’s Pepper’s fault, if she hadn’t left the poor baby, if she was there to rein him in, he’d be fine dammit, leave the baby alone!
Here’s the thing. You know who gets a pass on their shit behavior when they’re upset or tired? Actual babies. Actual babies and toddlers, and children, up to a point. Because they actually cannot always help themselves. Their bodies and brains are different, they have not learned better.
When you’re a 50-year-old man who’s supposedly the world’s bestest superhero, who wants, wants to be in charge of protecting the whole world? You need a little more self-control than that. The sleep deprived excuse works if you snap at someone before you’ve had your coffee, not for this. Roseanne Barr didn’t get to blame Ambien for her racism, Tony doesn’t get to handwave CW away because oops, I was tired.
Really? You’re a superhero, dude. Most of your teammates are tired too, that’s part of the gig. If you crash and burn this badly without your afternoon nap, fucking hang up the armor and go back to your billionaire playboy lifestyle.
Speaking of that, sure, right. It’s Pepper’s fault because she left him. Put aside the argument on whether that was justified or not (cough, it was and she should’ve stayed away even though they are adorable together). It’s not Pepper’s job to keep Tony sane. It’s not any partner’s job to do that for anyone. If she wants out, she has a right to that, without Tony going off the rails and blaming it on her. Seriously, he says part of the reason he backed the Accords was to “split the difference” with Pepper.
Dude. You were an asshole and you lost your girl. You destroyed all your suits, turned an emotional and mental corner in IM 3…and then relapsed 4 minutes later I guess because Whedon. Either way, Tony admits himself that he does not want to stop. So instead of doing that, or finding another partner who can accept that, you back an unjust international law that pits you against your team, your supposed friends? Go to therapy, have a pint of ice cream, cry into your pillow, send her more of those strawberries you sent her in IM 2 that she’s allergic to. You don’t go trying to change international law in ways that could ultimately affect millions of people because your girl left you.
Honestly—and thank God they didn’t do this but—the only way the Pepper excuse works in excusing his behavior in any way is if she’d died. Or been severely injured like Happy in IM 3. Still wouldn’t be okay, but, like Quill messing up their chance to stop Thanos because Gamora died, it would’ve been more understandable. Understandable, not excusable, and the way the MCU treats their women as manpain fodder, we’re probably legit lucky we didn’t get this.
As for him wanting to help everyone. He does in fact want that, I think. The problem is that his need to feel like he’s doing that is stronger than his rational mind, or his want to actually help in a constructive way.
Tony is too smart. He’s dumb as hell in many instances, mostly involving people and relationships, but he’s also too smart, and he’s been told for too long that he’s smart, and he’s bought into it. Ultron. Suit of armor around the world, protects the world, no more alien threats. It’s a simple concept on paper that fails in execution. So there are people with dangerous powers. Okay, we’ll make a set of laws to keep them from being dangerous, problem solved. But again, it isn’t.
Tony is not used to problems he cannot solve. He’s a genius, right? He can fix anything. He should be able to fix anything. That’s how he feels. But not everything is zeros and ones and circuits, things that can be fixed mechanically like his armors can. The people he wants to protect are not built that way. But he needs to feel like he’s doing something, because he’s terrified of what happens to the world if he doesn’t. So he creates these simple solutions to complex problems. The suit of armor, the Accords. They sound good in theory, but the problems they’re trying to solve are bigger than they are. And Tony, way back in IM 1, he sat back for years, clueless that his weapons were being used for bad things. He says it to Cap in CW. When he found out what his weapons were being used for, he went in and stopped it. Whether or not he should’ve known that already is a separate issue here. The point here is that when he found out, too late or not, he went in and did something about it.
Tony needs to do something about it. Again, go back to Cap in AoU, Tony’s nightmare sequence. Steve asks Tony why he didn’t save them. Tony’s ultimate nightmare is that he sits back and does nothing, and his inaction causes everyone to die. Which is where you get Ultron. Something he came up with because of what he saw in space in Avengers 1, then doubled down on in AoU. It’s where you get the Accords. Oops, he caused someone to die, he killed Charles Spencer. Must do something about that right now so it doesn’t happen again, and he won’t have to feel this guilt. He should be collaborating with others to come up with solutions (no Bruce in AoU doesn’t count because Bruce was dumb there), or at the very least, taking more time to think through the repercussions of the things he puts out there. But he doesn’t, because he’s got his savior complex that tells him that he alone can and must fix this, and because he’s too dumb to realize how not-smart he is in certain areas.
“We need to be put in check. Whatever form that takes, I’m game.”
Isn’t that what he says in CW, or something very close to it? Whatever form that takes. That’s the issue, right there, whatever form that takes. Realistically, yes, there should be laws regarding people with powers, the same way there are special laws pertaining to people who carry guns, or people who are licensed to fly planes. You have a thing/can do a thing that not everyone else does, so there are regulations pertaining to that thing. Laws change with the times, they always have. Some new technology comes up, eventually there will be laws that regulate it. As there should be, honestly. The issue with the Accords, Steve’s issue with the Accords, was not the basic idea. He says as much. He says that it could work, but there would have to be safeguards. Safeguards that are not in the Accords that Tony wants him to sign.
It's not a matter of oh, fuck the law, there should be no law governing these people, they’re above it. The problem is that the law as it’s presented here is unjust. There’s what, a month between Lagos and Ross coming by to tell them about the Accords? A month is not enough time to properly analyze such a big issue, Especially when you’re reacting out of fear, which is what happened with Lagos. People died because of an Enhanced person, an Avenger, in this case. Lawmakers don’t want that to happen again, they especially don’t want the political shit storm that comes with it. Damn, we look like we were asleep at the switch here, not having anything to throw at this problem earlier. Quick, let’s throw together this thing so no one can say we’re not addressing the problem.
Patriot Act of 2001, anyone? 9/11 happened, the public were rightfully terrified, the US said oh man, these are unprecedented circumstances, we’ve never had this before. Don’t worry though, we’re on this, we’re protecting you. The reality being that that bill simply gave the government too much power, most of it being used against people who were not actually threats, and it’s debatable, to say the very least, whether or not that law helped more than it hurt.
No law is perfect. No law ever will be. It’s not possible. We still have to strive for perfection though, have to aim there so that the laws we get are as close to fair as possible. Tony’s a big deal. If not for his “whatever form that takes” attitude, he might’ve been able to use his influence to pressure lawmakers into coming up with a fairer bill. Hey, I’m me, the public loves me, I will endorse this bill publicly and work on getting the rest of the team to sign, but you need to change this and this and this first, or no deal. Instead, he took the easy way out, the quickest, easiest way for him to feel like he’s atoned for his sins without actually doing anything. Whatever form that takes.
Tony’s not wrong because he backs the creation of a law that addresses these things. He’s wrong because he says himself that he does not care what that law does, specifically, so long as it exists. He’s wrong because he violates said law upteen times during the movie, while preaching to team Cap about what assholes they are for not backing it. He’s wrong because he cares more about feeling as though he’s tackled a problem than he does about taking the time to make sure that the thing he’s proposing is actually a good idea. He’s wrong because of what he does with Bucky, though that’s honestly a separate issue, for the purposes of this discussion.
Anyway, that was longer than I ever wanted it to be. Damn. Next time you see a comment about CW being the reason people stan Tony, just remember there are other people out there who stopped stanning Tony because of that movie. Everyone’s entitled to see a piece of media however they see it, and although the Tony stans are often the loudest, there are plenty of like-minded people out there who share your take on events. Block who you need to, unfollow who you need to, blacklist what you need to, and don’t let them get you down.
Hang in there, and have an awesome day :)
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Clueless non-cooking American-raised answer: what even is a pot roast? Like, it's a phrase I saw in books sometimes, I think? But I don't really know what it means in terms of what it does to the meat and I have no idea if I've eaten it. (Basically this is me saying that I'm pretty sure plenty of your teenagers will have no idea.)
I need you to know, and I mean this in a very loving teasing sort of way, I legitimately laughed out loud at "What even is a pot roast?"
I'm using your ask to thank everyone for their VERY helpful comments, and yes, a lot of the appeal for me of doing the pot roast is that it's really easy, reasonably priced for a beef dish, but looks nice and the leftovers are FABULOUSLY reusable in a variety of ways, which for me is the big thing--I remember when I was experiencing food insecurity the thing I hated the MOST was eating leftovers for several days in a row, because it was cheaper to make a LOT of one thing. I think everyone who has experienced a rough go of things has certain things that remind them so powerfully of the experience that it sets them off in ways that are admittedly goofy, and mine is eating leftovers. HATE.
ANYWAY, pot roast! It's easy, sexy, and can be had very cheaply, especially if you manage to shop a sale!
POT ROAST
What you need is a cheap cut of meat--there's no "pot roast cut" but what you usually want to use are the tough cheap cuts that work really well for long cooking, so your rump roasts, your chuck roasts (usually what I buy), a 7 bone roast if you have a roaster big enough makes MARVELOUS pot roast and the bones make EXCEPTIONAL broth afterward. I used to recommend brisket, because brisket used to be cheap before every useless-ass barbecue dad decided that he wanted to be ~special and skilled~ but still just make MEAT instead of learning to cook pastry or something LIKE A LADY and so went and bought a Traeger to use to make subpar wastes of beef 3 times a year. SO brisket's expensive now.
Cheap cut of meat --no less than 3 pounds
beef broth (2 cups, save the other 2 cups for later in the week)
I can't tell the kids to use a heavy brown ale, but use a can of heavy brown ale. Alternatively, red wine is the classic choice, but I'm happiest with my brown ale.
Tomato paste (save the rest of the can for beef stroganoff later in the week)
seasoning: I'm going to have to figure out how to simplify, simplify for these kids without many resources, so I list these from contribute the most to contribute the least
- salt and pepper
-thyme
Worcestershire sauce
-bay leaf
-rosemary
-of course you can fuck around with whatever it is you like!
Sliced onions
potatoes cut into big chunks (Yukon golds do best)
Carrots cut into big chunks
Mushrooms are also very good in this
about 2 tbsp butter and 4 tbsp flour(ish)
Equipment: a dutch oven or deep roaster, depending on what you have and the size of your roast.
1. Heat your oven to 325. Low and slow is the way we're going here. This doesn't take a ton of ACTIVE time, but it takes a lot of cooking time.
2. Put salt and pepper all over your roast. Lightly dust it with about half of your flour. (When I do this for the teens, I will explain WHY we're doing all this to help teach them techniques they can hopefully crossapply) Then toss your dutch oven or roaster on the stovetop, and throw some olive oil or canola oil or whatever the fuck you have in that bad boy. Sear on all sides, with a nice deep golden crust. Take it out of the pan and toss it on a plate for a minute.
3. Put your onions in the pan and saute them, remembering to give them a little salt. Deglazing time! Throw your can of ale (or cup of red wine if you're a traditionalist) into the pan, making sure to scrape up the bits of detritus on the bottom of the pan, that's where the good stuff is.
4. Toss the beef broth and all of your flavorings in the pot. Set the roast back in the pot.
5. Cover with the lid, or tin foil, depending on what you've got. Toss it in the oven for about an hour and forty five minutes. Play video games! Read a book! Do chores! Whatever! The great thing about this is that so much of the cook time doesn't involve you at all.
6. After the time has passed, put the root vegetables into the pan with the roast, making sure to nestle them around and get good braising action in the liquid. Cover it back up and put it back into the oven for ROUGHLY one and a half to two hours. The great thing about this is YOU DON'T USE A THERMOMETER. (another reason I picked it) You cook it until it's fork tender! That is, easily flakes with a fork.
7. Take it out of the pot when its done and shred it with forks, knives, your hands. Put you pot back on the stovetop, we're going to make gravy.
8. Make a thickening paste--take your butter and flour and mash it into a paste, and then add that to the pot, cooking for a few minutes to thicken (You can also use cornstarch to thicken, if you prefer. Remember cornstarch CANNOT be added straight to hot liquids, and has to be mixed with a bit of water first)
9. Serve! Put some meat and vegetables on a plate and cover with gravy. Some people choose to put all the meat back into the pot and coat with gravy before serving--I don't like to do that because I feel it limits my leftover options.
#oh wow you can do sub-bullets anymore#what a crock of shit#my AU bullet point posts probably make ZERO SENSE NOW
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Here to Misbehave (Pt. 12 | S.R.)
Series Masterlist | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Finale |
Summary: A week later, Reader tries to reconnect with Spencer.
Couple: Spencer/Fem!Reader
Category: Smut (NSFW)
Content Warning: Adults w/ Age Gap (10yrs), penetrative sex, degradation, Daddy kink, unprotected sex, BDSM, choking
Word Count: 8.3k
MASTERLIST
—————————————————
You might think that dating Spencer Reid would make doing your homework way easier, but you would be wrong. Turns out that dating a genius includes him lecturing you on the importance of learning things yourself.
That’s why I had been sitting at his kitchen table with him for at least two hours, struggling to finish the last five problems on my assignment while he casually read a book in a language I couldn’t even place.
“Speenceeerrr.” I called from across the table, reaching in his direction with the saddest pout I could form.
“Don’t whine,” he answered without even looking up. Jerk.
“I’m bored,” I continued to whine without any shame, “Can I come sit on your lap?”
“No.”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I realized he was in one of his stubborn moods. But that was fine. I could deal with stubborn.
“Please?” I asked, only to receive another immediate “No.”
This time I put both of my hands in front of me, pressing my breasts together while I leaned over the table as I asked, “… Pretty please?”
That was enough to get him to finally lower his book, peeking across the table to see me staring at him with wide doe eyes and a coy smile.
“You’re very cute,” he said with an extremely brief smile, returning back to his book when he concluded, “Still no.”
“Come on!” I cried with a groan, “I promise I’ll behave.”
He laughed at that, idly flipping a page before speaking. “Oh, you do? You promise?”
“Yes!”
“Fine. Bring your homework,” he instructed, gesturing to me to come over without ever putting down his book.
I scrambled to collect everything, happily padding over to him and dumping my book, notepad, and pencils in front of him. Once I was there, though, he suddenly raised his hand to stop me.
“Take off your pants.”
With a raised eyebrow, I shifted my hip to the side to inspect his suspiciously calm, vague demeanor.
“Why?”
“Because I said so.”
Considering that response was completely unhelpful but also incredibly hot, I listened. I tried to make a little bit of a show out of it, but his eyes were glued to the page in front of him until my pants finally hit the ground.
“Take off the rest.”
It was then that he started to look at me. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, licking his lips as he began undoing his own pants.
The sound of his buckle coming undone was enough to spark butterflies in my stomach, and I began removing my underwear with a renewed vigor.
“Don’t look so excited, little girl,” he warned in that low register that usually accompanied his more dominant persona. I considered arguing back, but ultimately just let out a playful giggle.
After he had finally removed his bottoms enough to reveal himself, I bounced on my toes as I waited for the command I knew was coming.
“Sit down.”
There it was. Allowing him to guide my hips to turn me around so that I was facing the table, I swung my leg over him to straddle his lap, lowering down onto him slowly.
And slow was the only word for it. He didn’t allow me to move more than an inch every few seconds, his breath hitching each time until I was fully seated on him.
I could feel the blood rushing to my face, my mouth hung open with hungry breaths. When I tried to begin moving my hips, however, he halted me with a firm grip on my hips.
He clicked his tongue in my ear, digging his fingers into my sides as he held me there. “I don’t think so. You’re going to sit here and stay very still until I tell you to move.”
“But—“ I barely got a word in edgewise before he countered.
“You promised to behave. Now do your homework. I want to finish what I’m reading.”
I huffed, struggling to move one more time and ultimately failing. “You can’t be serious.”
“Do your work and be patient and maybe I’ll fuck you, or get up and get nothing. Those are your options.”
I was certain that if I could see him, he would have that clever, devilish smirk he always wore when he was fucking with me. But I forced myself to keep my eyes straight ahead, leaning forward to grab my pencil from the table to hopefully finish my work quickly. If he wasn’t going to check it, I could just bullshit it.
Of course, as soon as my pencil hit the page he shifted underneath me in a very purposeful way, forcing himself even deeper into me.
“Fuck!” I gasped, gripping my pencil tighter as I arched my back.
“Language.”
With a deep breath, I forced a smile as I issued an extremely sarcastic apology.
“Sorry, daddy.”
After that he was much kinder, allowing me to work without any more rude interruptions. Granted, my maximum capacity to function was still very low, and it took me at least ten minutes to finish three of the five questions.
It was hard enough having him inside of me, the warm throbbing of his cock like an extension of myself at this point, but once he finished the book, it was a completely different level of impossible. Because no sooner did the book hit the table than were both of his hands on me.
One hand remained rooted on my hip, halting any attempts at movement while the other crept up to fondle my chest. I took the new ministrations to be permission to move, but he quickly cut off that train of thought as he leaned his chest against my back.
“I didn’t tell you to stop.”
“Daddy—“ I desperately whined, my hips moving with a mind of their own even as he tried to hold me down. Spencer was still dedicated to making it worse, moving my hair to one side and latching his mouth onto my neck.
“Keep going,” he mumbled into the skin.
So I tried. I cannot stress enough how hard I tried, my mind functioning much like a toddler being told to focus on math while sitting in front of a fucking funfetti birthday cake.
“Wrong.” Spencer whispered in my ear, his eyes apparently watching my botched attempts at my homework. With a general sound of displeasure, I erased my previous answer and changed it.
“Still wrong.”
Breaking the scene for just a second, I hoarsely begged, “Please, Spencer.”
He must have sensed my mounting frustration, because soon he was palming my breast much harder, his hand finally letting my hips begin to rock.
“Tell me, is it just because my dick is in you, or are you always this clueless?”
The breath left my lungs in short bursts, his words both hurtful and hot against my ear. I didn’t let it faze me, still scribbling some answer on the sheet while I spoke. “I-I told you before I can’t... I can’t focus when you’re inside me.”
He lowered his hands, running them down my bare thighs before dragging them back up, leaving angry red marks in his wake.
“You should’ve thought about that before you asked to sit on my lap.”
This time, he lightly nibbled on my ear once he stopped talking, laughing at the way a shiver ran through my body.
“I didn’t think you would do... this,” I quietly confessed.
“So you just wanted to tease me? And now you’re mad I beat you at your own game?”
Rocking back and forth, I groaned, “It wasn’t a game, I just wanted to sit on your lap!”
“And now you are sitting on my lap and you’re still whining.” He retorted, his hands returning to their heavy petting wherever they could reach.
“Because I want you to fuck me!”
“That wasn’t part of the deal.”
If I had been sexually frustrated before, now I was essentially feral. The harder I tried to move, the more he tried to stop me until I got fed up, forcing out a few hostile words.
“Fuck you.”
His hand flew up to my face, grabbing my cheeks roughly and forcing my lips to pucker.
“Watch your mouth.”
“Why would I listen to you if you aren’t going to fuck me?” I muttered through my contorted face, now struggling to lift off his lap.
He wasn’t having that, though, and roughly tugged me back down onto him while he thrusted up into me.
“Because I said so,” he ever so kindly reminded.
“Fuck!” I cried out at the rough intrusion, continuing with an even angrier exclamation, “Fuck you!”
“Fine.”
I’m not sure what it was about his voice when he uttered that one syllable, but dread coursed through my veins. I couldn’t tell exactly what was coming, but I knew he was going to have fun doing it.
“If you want me to fuck you, I will.”
Before I could protest, he had swept the items on the table onto the ground and lifted me off of him. He dropped me harshly against the table, standing so he could have the upper ground.
“After all, you have quite a bit of naughty behavior to answer for. And right now, I’m more than happy to administer the punishment.”
I rolled my eyes at the way he always managed to drag these things out. We both knew I was going to be a brat, so why waste our time with threats I clearly wanted him to follow through on?
“Just shut up and fuck me already.”
Spencer bitterly laughed, staring down at me with far too much amusement as his fingers brushed over my lips.
“How badly do you want it, little girl?” He said as he continued the trend of sudden, rough movements by shoving his fingers down my throat. “I should’ve warned you not to do anything to me you don’t expect me to do to you in return.”
Gagging lightly on his fingers pressing down against my tongue, I only felt my need for him to fuck me skyrocket. Through the lustful haze, I managed to remember what he had done to me in this situation… and how I had responded.
I bit down on his fingers just hard enough to leave a small indentation on them, and he jerked his hand back the same way I had.
His slap across my face was just as hard, too. The sound filled the room, and I had to bite back a moan at the way my cheek stung where his hand had hit.
When I turned my face back to him, I bit my lip before smiling.
“Do it again,” I giggled.
But he didn’t listen, because of course he didn’t. Instead, he grabbed my hips, flipping me onto my stomach on the table, my face pressed against the wood.
“I don’t take orders from you, bitch.”
Another shiver ran down my spine at his words paired with the sound of his belt slowly being removed from the loops of his pants.
“And honestly? I’m tired of hearing your voice.” He finished, his hand reaching around to open my mouth. He worked the belt between my teeth like a bit for a horse, tugging back on the material. With my head craned back, I began to rub my legs together, already missing the way it felt to be filled by him.
I tried to groan in disapproval, but it just came out as garbled noise. Spencer didn’t seem to mind.
“It’s been so long that you’ve forgotten I’m not as nice as you. That I’ve been taming brats a lot longer than you.”
For a moment I was left there just like that, laid out on his kitchen table for his consumption. I could tell from the silence that he was enjoying watching me squirm, taking in the brief image of me submitting to him without a fight.
But then the moment ended with one swift thrust into me. The force was enough to rattle the table and I grunted from the impact.
“If you’ve got a problem, don’t bother trying to tell me, because I don’t fucking care.” As he spoke, he gave a thrust after each clause, somehow becoming progressively more aggressive.
I’d felt him like this once before, although under different circumstances. This time he wasn’t just using me to get through pain. This was something else.
The freedom I could feel flowing between us was intoxicating, and for once in my life I didn’t want to fight him. I didn’t have to. He was already doing everything I could have ever asked of him.
At least, that’s what I thought until he started talking again.
“God, you’re so fucking wet,” he muttered under his breath, rolling his hips slowly to make sure he was fully entering me with each thrust. “You really love keeping your daddy’s cock warm, don’t you, little girl?”
It was always strange, to feel the duality of Spencer. The way that his words could sound so much like praise while littered with downright filthy words. Or how he used one hand to gag me with his belt and the other tenderly caressed my sides.
“You’re so good at being a pretty little slut for me. Letting me use you.”
His voice was so smooth, with a confidence I was unaccustomed to hearing from him. My fingernails scraped at the table, trying to fight against the way my entire body slid against the wood.
I could feel my muscles desperately clenching around him, my feet trying to remain on the floor. The light struggle didn’t go unnoticed, with a dark laugh coming from Spencer as he leaned over top of me, pressing me down with the weight of his body.
“I don’t understand how a slut like you has such a tight little cunt.”
A loud moan escaped from the little space between my teeth and the leather, and I could feel the saliva dripping down my chin. Tears had already started forming in my eyes, my cheekbone still raw from his hand now burning against the table.
“What’s it going to take to break you, huh? Or have I already?” He whispered as his fingers gripped my hips with bruising force.
“No fight left in you, little girl? You gonna give up? You gonna cry?” He mocked, earning my first attempt at a response. The gag got in my way, though, and it just came out as a wrecked sob as he entered me with another rough thrust.
“Speak up.”
The next noise out of my mouth was a guttural groan, my back arching enough to lift my face from the table and loosen the belt against my lips.
“Here, I’ll make it easier for you.” He said before using his hand to wrench the accessory from my teeth, tossing it in front of me on the table. I could see my teeth marks against the leather.
“S-Spe…” I tried, but couldn’t even finish his name. My mind seemed somewhere else, some place to which only he could take me. Nothing else mattered here; nothing except pleasing him.
Which is what made his nails against my skin so exciting. But still, it wasn’t nearly as exciting as the way he continued to laugh at the mess he made of me.
“How pathetic. You can’t even say my name? Doesn’t matter anyway.” He stood back up, providing him the leverage to drive further into me once more, pulling my hips back against him with both hands now.
“A useful cunt doesn’t talk. So don’t even think about bothering with your little safe word now. I’m not stopping until I’m finished taking what’s mine.”
I’m not sure if it was from the way my lips caught on the wood, how hard I was biting down on my lip, or a mark from the belt, but I could taste blood somewhere on my lips.
“Don’t stop.” My voice was weak and hoarse from disuse, but the words were audible, and that’s all I cared about.
I was a little surprised, though, when Spencer immediately withdrew. Then I realized that I had inadvertently given him another order, and he didn’t seem too happy about the fact it was one he wanted to follow.
With much more strength than needed, he lifted me by my arm and flipped me onto my back. My joints had given up even when the rest of me hadn’t, leaving me lolling like a rag doll under his will.
I could only imagine what he saw, my cheek only slightly less red than the blood tainted spit covering my chin as I held my body open to him.
The smirk on his face was positively feral, like a predator admiring his catch before going in for the kill.
“You’re so fucking filthy. You actually like this, don’t you?”
When I didn’t immediately answer, he brought his hand against my cheek much lighter this time. Although I knew it wasn’t a smart response, I couldn’t help but giggle at the way it caused goosebumps to ripple over my skin.
His hips snapped forward, entering me completely all at once. Spencer couldn’t stop himself from moaning, belying his stoic nature in scenes like this. He was enjoying himself so much that he couldn’t hide it anymore, and the thought just made my heart beat harder.
“Fuck me harder, daddy!” I suddenly begged, rocking my hips forward in time with his thrusts.
“God, you’re such a dirty bitch,” he responded, doing exactly what I’d asked by driving into me as the table screeched against the floor. It didn’t last long, with his hand coming up to my throat and clenching my airway within seconds. There was no warning this time.
“You’re nothing but a little toy that likes being fucked like a cheap whore.”
I would have screamed out in agreement, but I could barely manage to breathe under his unrelenting grip. Instead, my eyes began to roll to the back of my head, my mouth open in an attempt to take in any air.
“Go ahead, go to sleep, little girl. I don’t need you to be awake for this part.”
The butterflies in my stomach had migrated to my chest, filling every inch of space that used to be filled with air. The burning in my face was even hotter now, and I honestly felt I might collapse in on myself if he didn’t finish soon.
Luckily, his hips began to falter the longer he watched me scraping at his hand on my throat. With one more thrust, he threw his head back with closed eyes.
The sweat on his brow showed just how much of himself he gave to this moment, and I couldn’t have been more grateful. Seeing him come undone inside of me was one of my favorite past times.
“Fuck!” He growled through clenched teeth. His fingers twitched harder against my neck as I felt him spill his release deep inside of me, his hips still trying to push further into me. Once he opened his eyes, it’s like he suddenly remembered that I still hadn’t taken a breath, my face draining of color before he quickly lifted his hand.
I gasped, my lungs both burning and finally relaxing as they filled with air. My energy nearly drained, I hoped to god that he wasn’t planning on making me move anytime soon. For once, I was actually grateful that he hadn’t tried to get me off, too. I’m not sure I could take it.
I closed my eyes and laughed to myself about the irony of me not protesting him staying inside me now. Soon enough, he had pulled out of me, muttering another string of curse words as he tried to find the ability to walk the few feet over to the counter.
The sound of running water felt so far away and so serene. I smiled, knowing what was coming before it happened.
Sure enough, his hands were on me once more, cleaning away the evidence he’d left behind with a warm paper towel.
My face was last, with him taking extra care to be gentle. My eyes fluttered open, looking at the way he seemed to look straight into my soul, seeking any validation he could find that I was going to be alright.
“How are you, little girl?” He asked anyway, and I just sucked my bottom lip into my mouth as I smiled.
“Dirty.”
I had meant it as a joke, but I could see a flash of guilt in his eyes. Grabbing his forearm, I started to try to sit up against my body’s wishes. Something told me he needed me to be closer to him. He needed me to be okay.
“Can you stand up?” He asked, supporting my body weight with both hands on my back.
“Yeah, I think so,” I laughed.
Once I was upright, I realized that while he was still fully dressed, my legs were fucking freezing. Spencer noticed, too, and already had a plan in place for this situation.
“Let me clean you up.”
“You already did,” I responded with a nervous glance when his fingers ran through a piece of my hair hanging in my face. He just gave me that judgmental, deadpan expression that told me he knew I was trying to get out of something.
“Come on,” he said with a light pat on my ass before guiding me towards the bathroom. “We need to warm you up, anyway.”
I couldn’t argue with that; honestly, the idea of a shower sounded delightful. Still, some part of me felt strangely awkward about something so intimate. I clearly wasn’t nervous about him seeing me naked.
The thought of him taking care of me, delicately cleaning away any remaining evidence of sin, just got me much too excited. It didn’t take me long to realize that my apprehension wasn’t going to stop him.
He kept his hand wrapped around mine the whole time, even as he turned on the shower and checked the water. I didn’t mind, enjoying the glimpse into domestic life with Spencer Reid.
Although I was perfectly capable of doing it myself, I let him take off my remaining clothes before helping him remove his.
Steam filled the room that was remarkably calm. The usual suffocating sexual tension felt worlds away as Spencer helped me into the shower. My muscles immediately responded to the hot water, and I let out a happy sigh as I heard him enter behind me.
His hands were back on me, gently caressing every curve of my body under the water. Still, his touch was not sexual in the traditional sense. He pulled me closer, letting the water fall over both of us until there was nothing dry left.
Normally it would uncomfortable, for one of us to have to remain outside of the water, but Spencer didn’t seem to mind. It was like all of the focus he had in that supercharged brain could only be placed on me. Keeping me happy, safe, and warm.
And I was.
I couldn’t tell if he knew that. It felt like he didn’t.
With my back still to him, I heard him rustling with the travel-sized bottles I’d started to leave behind. I wondered to myself if I should just start leaving regular items now.
I was distracted from the thought by his fingers diligently working through my hair and on my scalp, massaging the product into a lather. For a touch I claimed to be nonsexual, I felt it all over my body.
Tilting my head further back, I nearly fell over onto him in the pleasurable haze he’d created. He just gave a small chuckle, nudging me back up so he could continue.
Before he finished, I gave a soft sigh and a mewl. When he turned me around to begin helping me wash it out, I saw the goofy smile on his face.
“I love you.” He said it like it needed to be said at all. As if he weren’t tenderly caring for me in that very moment.
A selfish part of me hated when he said it, because I still wasn’t sure when I could say it back. It seemed like there was never a right time. Before, he had been worried it would be about the suspected pregnancy, and then it had been the drugs. Now, I feared it would be swallowed into that post-coital dysphoria he always brought up.
Thankfully, he didn’t make me say anything.
“Close your eyes.” He said, tilting my chin back and maneuvering his fingers through my hair to rid it of the shampoo.
It had been a long time since I’d felt cared for like this. I didn’t know how to react. My heart was overwhelmed.
He repeated the process with the conditioner, and I remained silent once again. But Spencer didn’t seem like he missed our usual snarky repartee. I began to worry something deeper was wrong... again.
That thought was an unfortunate one to have, because it caused me to turn around. I took his hands in mine, stretching out his arms to see the remnants of bruises still peppered over his skin.
“Don’t think like that, little girl.”
His voice was harsh and crackling, filled to the brim with self loathing that I always hated to hear.
“They’re fading away, and I’m still here. There...” he paused, swallowing and trying to keep himself steady before continuing, “there won’t be any more.”
But there was still a struggle in his words. I wasn’t looking to chastise him, and it hurt to see he expected it. Which is why I began to slowly shift so that he was under the water, a weird mix of a smile masquerading as a pout.
Once he was under the water, he made a face at the way it hit him differently at his height. I ignored it, grabbing his soap from the side of the tub and pouring it into my hand.
He didn’t say anything when I started to run my hands over his chest and back. He just watched me with a quiet reverence, his eyes occasionally closing with a sigh of relief.
They stayed shut when I moved to his arms, wishing I could just wash away what was left of his scars.
“I’m not worried.” I finally spoke as I took his hands in mine, smiling at the way my fingers could be so much smaller than his and still fit so perfectly in his hands. Using the positive inertia, I wrapped my arms around him and let the water wash over both of us like a third member of our embrace.
His hands stroked my back so delicately that I barely noticed them at all. As much as I enjoyed the dramatic change of pace from our earlier activities, there was something undoubtedly off with the way he was holding me now.
I let it go for a minute longer, just so we could make out way back out of the tub. With a speed that I would never expect from someone who had exerted as much energy as he had, Spencer had wrapped me in a towel and left to fetch me his clothes for me to wear in an instant. We both knew that I’d brought my own change of clothes, but neither of us spoke about it. It was much preferable, we had each privately decided, for me to be swamped in the fabrics he loved.
Not a moment too soon we were laying in his bed, curled into a messy pile of limbs trying to convince the other that our bodies really couldn’t exist without the other. I’m not sure if it was the way his fingers still dusted over me like they would shatter me or that look in his eyes, but I couldn’t ignore the feeling any longer.
“Babe,” I cautiously began, taking his hand and pressing it fully against the cheek he so clearly wanted to touch, “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” It was curt and unconvincing, so I continued.
“Are you sure? You know how I feel about you lying to me.”
He sighed, rolling onto his back and away from me. His arm covered his face, but I could still see the way his eyebrows furrowed beneath it.
“No. I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?”
At this point I was just so grateful that we’d finally made it far enough into our relationship that he didn’t feel the need to lie to me more than once. Still, I was terrified by what he could possibly say next. What was he going to tell me next? That he had a secret child? A wife?
“I just… Sometimes after we have sex I feel…”
He peeked at me, probably noting the confusion and anxiety clear in my features.
“… Like I’m the worst person in the world.”
Those previous emotions were quickly replaced with an exasperated and false gasp as I pulled myself over to him.
“Well, that does wonders for my self-esteem, Dr. Reid.” I laughed, looking up at him from where my head rested against his chest. His heart even sounded troubled somehow.
“No, it’s not that. God, no. You’re amazing.”
“I know, right?” I continued to joke, hoping that it would make his vulnerability at least a little bit easier. It seemed to work, and his arms found their home around me once again.
“I spend almost all of my time, every day, trying to find and stop murderers and rapists. The worst possible people on this earth; people that everyone agrees are evil incarnate, and then I come home and…”
He trailed off, but it was obvious what he was going to say. It was hard to hear him compare himself to the men he hunted. He didn’t talk often about work, but he’d said enough for my chest to hurt at the implication.
“Spencer…”
“How can I feel like I’m a good person when I get off on hurting something as beautiful and innocent as you?”
“I am not innocent,” I scoffed, pushing at his chest to prop myself up again. Positioning myself to hang above him, I smiled when his nose twitched from the way my hair tickled his face. His eyes flickered back and forth, seeing something I’m not sure I would ever understand.
“Yes, you are. It’s one of the many things I love most about you.”
His hand on the back of my head convinced me to close the gap between us. I planted a soft yet meaningful kiss on his lips, but it wasn’t enough to stop the racing thoughts.
“Spencer, you aren’t anything like those guys.” I assured him, running my hand through his damp hair that had just started to curl.
“I’m not always so sure.” His eyes had finally met mine, unsure and petrified all at once.
“Well, I am.” I didn’t know how to explain it to him. He was always the one who had the words to explain things. All I had were quotes from people much smarter than myself.
“Look me in my eyes right now and tell me that you would still enjoy it if you honestly knew I wasn’t having fun.”
“I don’t know.”
I could recognize that he didn’t mean it. Those endorphins he was always talking about were screwing with his head. I’d seen his reactions when I was in pain. He did not like it.
“Spencer. You’re just going to have to believe me when I say that you are a good man. One of the best I’ve ever known.”
His tongue swept over his lips before he bit down on it, trying to swallow his doubts before he could give them any more life.
“I love playing with you, and I trust you with my life because I know you would never do anything to risk it. Okay?”
Spencer looked like he was finally starting to get it. Either that or he had just realized I wasn’t going to change my mind. Regardless, he gave a small pout as he said, “Okay.”
Shimmying further onto him, I swung my leg over his hip so I was practically sprawled over him like a blanket.
“Now tell me you love me,” I teased, settling onto him while he groaned at the sudden weight.
“I do love you.” He laughed when he said it, which was my goal in the first place.
With feigned bashfulness I cooed, “Awww, thanks.”
“You’re such a dork.”
The insult was such a ridiculous notion to me that I was convinced I had heard him wrong.
“Wow, I’m going to pretend like the man with 3 PhDs didn’t just call me a dork.”
I nestled my face to his neck, feeling the way his heartbeat was fluctuating as we began to settle into the calmness of a simple night together.
“It takes a dork to love a dork,” he opined in the dorkiest manner possible. But considering how those words in his voice brought so much joy to my heart, I chose to accept his hypothesis.
“Pffft. Go to sleep, old man.” I muttered, reaching up to loosely cover his mouth with my hand. The feel of his mouth curling into a smile before kissing my palm was all I needed to feel safe enough to sleep.
“Thank you, (y/n).”
“Anytime.”
—————————————————
The next morning felt a lot like the way the previous night had ended. I swear, it was almost like Spencer and I hadn’t moved an inch throughout the night. Maybe we really had been that tired.
Either way, I wasn’t tired anymore. I knew that if I stayed splayed out on top of Spencer while I was this restless, I would wake him up anyway. So I slowly inched off, hoping not to disturb him too much.
To my surprise, he barely stirred. Don’t get me wrong; his arms followed my body and required all of my strength to peel them off of me.
“Babe, I have to get up. I’ll be right back.” I mumbled, practically crawling out of his grip while he grumbled nonsense into the pillow.
He was so adorable that I almost felt bad about leaving him there alone. Almost.
See, Spencer had done so much for me in our relationship up to this point that it was starting to feel lopsided. I didn’t like that. There is something about owing people anything that doesn’t sit right with me.
That’s why, after sleepily brushing my teeth and trying to control the disaster of a bird’s nest on my head that resulted from sleeping on wet hair, I set out to do some good old fashioned chores.
It wasn’t hard to figure out where Spencer kept things - one of the perks of having a boyfriend with such a hatred of germs, I guess.
I don’t honestly know how long I spent topping off the cleaning around his apartment, but it couldn’t have been that long. The place was basically already spotless. Once I was satisfied, I picked up the thing I had been avoiding: my homework.
And that’s when Spencer conveniently awoke, ready to distract me from finishing the last few problems once more.
“I never thought I’d see you willingly doing your homework.”
I turned around from the couch, smiling at the state of my sleepy boyfriend still wrapped in a blanket. Adorable.
“Well, someone distracted me last night.”
“Oh, did they?” He joked as he came over to plant a kiss on the top of my head before making his normal beeline to make his morning cup of coffee.
But after I heard the familiar clinking of mugs, I paused my work with a smile.
“... Did you... did you do the dishes?”
“Yeah, why?” I called back, hearing the loud grinding of the gears moving in his mind.
“And made coffee.”
“Yes.”
I remained looking forward because somehow it made his confusion all the better. His hand was sliding against the counter top before moving to the stovetop, where I heard him moving the grates.
“... Did you clean my entire kitchen?”
“You’re very perceptive, Dr. Reid.”
He laughed, walking back over to me from the other direction with a pleasant, if not goofy, grin. He was going to say something else, but stopped when he noticed the basket filled with clean laundry on the floor next to the couch.
“You did my laundry? How long have you been awake? How did I sleep through this?”
Although he bent over to pick up the basket and turned to carry it off to the bedroom, he kept his eyes on me, waiting for my answer.
“I don’t know,” I shrugged, “A couple hours? You must have been tired.”
His eyes narrowed in an attempt to see through me, to learn the secrets of how I had managed to out-Spencer Reid him with my particularity.
“What? It’s not a very big place, Spencer. And most of your clothes are dry cleaned.”
As he walked away, I heard him groan. Like he should be embarrassed by the state of his apartment. Honestly, his starting point was cleaner than even the best deep clean would do for my apartment. If anyone was embarrassed, it was me.
“You should’ve woken me up,” he called from the hallway.
“You looked too cute!” I shouted back when he disappeared around the corner. “I didn’t want to ruin it. You don’t get enough sleep.”
Upon his return, he stood above me with a sarcastic scrutiny. I put my pencil down, looking up at him from my cross legged position on his couch.
“Is this what domestic life with you is like?” He asked, unable to hide his admiration any longer.
“Only when you’re nice to me.” I teased, reaching forward to grab the blanket still hanging over his shoulders to pull him closer to me.
“I’m always nice to you.”
“Then I guess that’s your answer.”
Losing his balance just a bit, he awkwardly stumbled onto the couch, plopping down next to me with the total lack of grace I’d come to expect from him.
“Well, thank you. You didn’t have to do any of that.”
“I wanted to.” I admitted, brushing his unruly curls out of his face. “Because now you have nothing to distract you from paying attention to me.”
He groaned, craning his neck away from me at the words, “Should’ve known there was a catch.”
“Oh yes,” I continued, climbing onto his lap with no resistance on his part. “I was thinking you and I could go to the park and…”
“Don’t say it,” he warned, raising a finger to my lips.
I didn’t care, and shouted past the digit, anyway.
“Please, Spencer! Take me for a picnic! Just once!”
“You know how I feel about picnics.”
Now it was my turn to whine, grabbing his hand between mine and lowering it, leaning forward in the hopes it would distract him.
“You can eat before and just feed me fruit. Spoil me rotten.”
My distractions didn’t work, and he didn’t even bother trying to kiss me back. He just spoke hurriedly into my lips.
“It’s not even just the food I’m worried about! Did you see the numbers of Lyme infections in the county?”
My eyebrows popped up, and I stuck my tongue out for a second in my excitement.
“Ooh, Doctor, you can check me for ticks,” I cooed.
Closing the space between us, I gave him a light, chaste kiss. Despite returning it, he also gave back a pout.
“Please don’t make me do this.”
Conveniently, he had forgotten that I was much more experienced at pouting. What I did next wasn’t really a pout, though, it was more like puppy dog eyes and a childish grin meant to evoke the strongest sense of guilt.
He dropped his head back, closing his eyes like he didn’t have an eidetic memory that would burn my cute nonsense into his brain.
“Why does the begging only work one way?”
“Is that a yes?” The excitement was clear in my voice, which must have sealed the deal.
Because he just sighed, running his hands up and down my waist.
“Fine. But I’m going to check you for ticks after and I promise you will not like it.”
This time when his hands made their way down my body, I rocked my hips against his. I could feel his erection already straining under his pants.
And he was acting like he was actually disappointed.
“You always say that and I always like it.” I pointed out, reorienting my heat over his erection and continuing my motions back and forth against him.
“Oh, really?” He tried to act calm, but I felt the way his fingers got tighter, his hips bucking up every couple of seconds.
“Yes,” I breathily whispered into his mouth before melting into a sloppy, frenzied kiss.
It didn’t last long, with his hand threading through my hair and pulling lightly to expose my neck to him.
“Tell me what you like, little girl.”
When he uttered the words, I noticed he was placing small kisses against the same pattern of his hand that had been wrapped around my neck. The thought alone consumed me, and I dug my fingers into his shoulders, gasping at the sensation of his tongue swirling patterns over my pulse.
“You,” was the only syllable I could express.
The light chuckle he gave sent shivers down my spine, his bottom lip dragging over my skin while he savored the newly forming memories.
“I never got to spoil you last night,” he reminded, bringing a hand down to stroke my thigh.
“Oh, I wasn’t disappointed at all.” I was going to continue, telling him that he didn’t have to get me off every time. Then again, I knew that he wasn’t going to accept that answer, anyway. Regardless, he spoke quickly and with confidence when he said, “I’m still going to make up for it. Take off your pants.”
I wasted no time springing up from my position with a cheeky little taunt. “This sounds familiar.”
“But this time you were a good girl.”
The distinction was not lost on me, and I had to admit hearing him call me a good girl in this context turned me on more than I had thought it would. Apparently, I was wrong for thinking I was entirely a brat, because right now I just wanted to hear him praise me.
“Maybe I should do that more often,” I happily hummed as I began to straddle him once more, pausing for a moment for him to lay languid, open-mouthed kisses against my breasts.
He paused just for a second to growl, “Don’t you dare.”
I didn’t bother saying ‘I told you so’ because he was already pulling my hips down so that I could sink onto his length. Biting my lip to try and stifle the full moan, my fingers returned to their place embedded in his skin.
“Fuck,” he spoke under his breath and through a clenched jaw, “I don’t think you understand what you do to me.”
He wasn’t entirely wrong. I could only guess the effect I had on him by just how stupid the bona fide genius got when I was around.
When I could look into his eyes again I pushed his hair back with both hands, trying to express my feelings with each roll of my hips.
“Tell me about it,” I purred, my mouth hanging open as he started to thrust up in slow, synchronized movements.
Through the heavy panting and strained motions of his muscles, he spoke with a clarity that demonstrated how long he’d thought about his words.
“I just… I’ve never been able to picture a future until the day I met you.”
My heart stopped for a moment before continuing its strong, hard rhythm against the inside of my rib cage. I wanted to see the look on his face, but he had buried his head into my neck and hair. Each inhale seemed so purposeful, reminding me that I smelled of his soap.
I smiled at the way his hands felt just like they had last night, holding themselves back from claiming me with the rough, greedy nature they so often did.
“I can recall any minor detail from any point in the past. I relive them so often, but the future? That was always this terrifying, suffocating concoction of unknowns until that night.”
It almost felt like I was there again, feeling the bass shaking the chair I was sitting in when I kissed him for the very first time. I thought about the compassion in his eyes when he learned the truth about our situation.
Although it had only a few months since then, it felt like a lifetime ago. I couldn’t and didn’t want to remember a life before Spencer Reid.
Once again reading my mind, he stopped laying kisses against my shoulders to hold my face in his hand, stroking my cheek while our bodies continued in their need.
“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
When he thrust up this time, his eyes shut and his mouth hung open as he pulled our foreheads together. I continued to watch him, watching how his eyebrows furrowed and he tried to focus on remembering this moment more than usual.
“A future with you, huh?” I whispered, my features softening as he struggled to look at me through his own infatuated haze. “It sounds nice.”
He smiled, and I continued before he could take my lips with his own.
“A white picket fence. Two little bratty genius babies.” My attempts to excite him were absolutely working, because with each idea I provided, the urgency with which he pulled me down increased.
“Just a normal, domestic life,” I laughed, my legs beginning to shake as he held me against him with each movement, “with Dr. and Mrs. Reid.”
“Fuck,” he muttered without providing any other answer before pressing his thumb against my puckered lips.
I took it into my mouth quickly, lavishing it with my tongue as much as I could before he removed it. His hand then shot down to where our bodies were joined, beginning to rub my clit in rough, circular strokes.
The trembling that was once contained to my legs spread throughout my entire body, the moans spilling out of my mouth without a care in the world for who might hear. As long as Spencer was enjoying my responses, that’s all that mattered to me.
I wanted him to see the things I could never say. The way I felt whenever I was with him.
“Don’t tempt me, little girl. Keeping talking like that and I’ll steal you away from whatever plans you had.” He spoke in my ear with that low register, his voice barely above a whisper.
I could hardly breathe, and I spent all my energy trying to follow his words.
“Take me.” I urged, feeling the tension in my muscles approaching their breaking point. “Take me, Spencer. Please.”
It was with those words that I felt my body give into him, my muscles gripping him and begging him to join me in my release. But he waited, giving a few more rough, deep thrusts into me.
“Just like a true daddy’s girl.” He chuckled, watching as I came undone, my body eventually going half limp in his arms. “You’re already spoiled rotten.”
My skin was sticky with sweat, and the sounds of our bodies colliding together in the dim morning light continued to overwhelm my senses. He seemed to enjoy the way he could clean me just to dirty me all over again, and I almost made a comment about it, but I couldn’t find the words in time.
Instead, I just whined, “I want more. I want it.”
He didn’t respond with words because he didn’t have to, his broken, shaky thrusts spoke for him. Using both hands to slam my body down against him one last time, he gave a guttural moan against the side of my face.
“It’s all for you, little girl.” He said between breaths. I cried out at the sensation of him filling me, my muscles clutching onto him like a vice, begging him to stay with me until he was completely spent.
He took the offer, pulling my body against his and leaning us back while we caught our breath. Eventually, I was the one to speak, my words suddenly sleepy and disoriented from the emotional toll of our encounter.
“Thank you.”
His chest still rose and fell with his deep breaths, trying to stabilize his heart before he spoke.
“For what?”
“Loving me.”
That look on his face was back; the one that begged me not to say the words back to him. I hated it. I wanted to tell him the truth, and now felt like such a perfect moment. But at the same time, I understood why he didn’t want it associated with sex.
‘Right now you just think that because your body is coursing with endorphins and adrenaline,’ I could hear him saying, ‘Once that goes away, you might find you feel differently about me.’
But it wasn’t true. I would feel this way about him forever. I already knew that with every fiber of my being. Then again, there was no point in arguing with him.
I would just continue to show him however I could, through loads of laundry and sleepy kisses. My ‘I love you’s would be subtly explaining who got what side of the bed and whether our children would look more like me or him.
At least for now. Until he decided he was ready, or until I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
I really hoped it would be the former.
—————————————————
| Part 13 |
#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid smut#spencer reid imagine#Criminal Minds#criminal minds self insert#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds smut#criminal minds fluff#spencer reid fluff#dr spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you
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I'm a fucking alcoholic (with a sweet tooth)
Fandom : Chicago PD TV
Word count : 1,623 words
Pairing : Jay Halstead x reader
Author's note : This is the third one shot of "Will you follow through if I fall for you" fic continuation. It would be better if you read it first. But if you don't, here's the quick summary.
Warning : It's fluff. I hope it doesn't end up too cringy?
Disclaimer
◢◤
It is a cold Friday in Chicago. You would say it is super cold since you worked in the warm weather of Los Angeles last week. Jay is coming over to your place after work. Now both of you are snuggling on the couch, watching movies on TV.
"I cannot watch this part," You hide your face in Jay's chest, preparing for the frightening scene. The darkness in the room increases the tension.
"What are you talking about? This is not even a horror movie," Jay looks down at you, bemused.
"Say you! Watching Tom Cruise blowing up a Gallardo distressed me. My soul is crying. It is a nightmare!"
You move out from Jay's embrace to point out the screen where Maggie Q said it is such a nice car. "Yes, it is! Don't do it, Zhen," yell you at the TV.
However, The Lamborghini on screen still went kaboom and was engulfed in fire. "Oh, no!" You put your hand on your heart, feeling devastated.
Jay grins at your silliness, "I'm sorry for your loss," He rubs your back, offering his condolences. However, his smile turns flirty. "If there's anything I can do to ease your pain..."
You play along with his idea. "Hmm, is that so?" Your hands wrap around Jay, pulling him closer. Your nose is tracing his neck, up to his jaw, his cheek. Your lips softly grace his skin, make their way closer to his. Jay wasted no time to kiss you and keep kissing you.
You don't know how long it goes, and you don't care to know. Until Jay moves back abruptly, tilting his head away from you, "Your pho..."
Your lips cut his words as you get on his lap. Jay puts his hands on your waist to stop you, halfheartedly, "Babe, your phone is ringing,"
Your hands curl behind his neck. "Let it ring." You whisper to his ear. Jay shudders when he feels your breath on his neck. Your mouth soon follows to make a mark on the same point. Jay tries to hold himself back from reciprocating the gesture.
Unlike Jay and his work, you got no obligation to pick up your phone. No life or death depends on you tonight. But the phone keeps shrieking. It started to annoy you because Jay stops participating in this make-out session.
"Might be important," This is one of the rare times you want to curse Jay's occupation.
"I assure you it won't be," You try to get Jay back in the game.
"Well, at least you can tell them to call you back later," Jay lands a soft kiss on your forehead. With a loud sigh, you move away from Jay's lap to pick up your phone.
Seeing the caller ID frustrates you even further. "You are interrupting our date night," is the first thing you say to your best friend, Alex, when you receive the call and put it on speaker.
"Hi, Jay!" Alex chirps his greeting, ignoring your complaint.
Jay greets back with a chuckle, "Hey, man. Nice to hear from you," He takes the remote to pause the movie, where Tom Cruise is gunning a Mercedes CLK down the road.
"No, it's not." You grumble under your breath. "What's up? Did you just come up with a song idea that would make Bruno Mars wished he wrote it?"
As a fellow songwriter/producer, you understand that song inspiration could come anytime. But it would still piss you off if Alex insists on working for it tonight.
"Not yet. But we do have a potential project for you,"
"Couldn't it wait until next week?" You moan your refusal. "Jay and I got plans for the weekend,"
"Of course. As long as you promise to pick up your phone when Angelique calls. I know you have been dodging her." Alex chides you.
Huffing your aversion, you lay your head on Jay's lap. In reflex, he plays with your hair. "Who's Angelique? A new talent?" Jay never heard that name before. He is pretty sure that he knows everybody at Pyramid, Alex's record label in Amsterdam where you work for.
Alex starts to explain, "She is a singer. Been around for a while,"
"Country singer, turned bubblegum pop singer, and now I guess she wants to try dance music as well?" You elaborate to Jay and asking Alex at the same time. You have written and produced songs from various genres, but your notable works so far are mostly EDM.
"Maybe," Alex answers casually.
"Angelique..." Jay ponders for a moment before lighting up, "Oh! Is she the one whose songs you keep skipping whenever they pop up, babe?"
Your best friend lets out a big laugh from the other side of the phone. "Angelique wants Y/N to produce her next album, but all of a sudden Y/N here cannot find the receive button on her phone," Alex emphasizes his sarcasm.
"I took yours, didn't I?"
However, Alex begins his interrogation. "Why are you avoiding her calls anyway?"
"I don't wanna work with her," You know you sound petulant.
"Come on, Y/N, it would be great! Angelique's third album sold triple more than her second. Her last single went neck to neck with Taylor Swift's song. Now, she is gonna let you work on her fourth album! Other producers would kill for this opportunity," Alex tries to reason.
Jay whistles, being impressed by the story.
"Well, my boyfriend here is a cop. I don't wanna get involved in any criminal activity," You are intentionally being obtuse. "If it were so great, why don't you do it? You're the one who still works on stage."
"You know people talked about how you could be the next Max Martin, right? Made sense that she asked for you," Alex states. "Angelique doesn't need another artist to perform with her. She needs someone who writes and produces good stuff."
"Every producer could be the next Max Martin if they work hard," You shrug the notion.
Jay looks confused with all these new names. "And Max Martin is...?"
"We are never ever ever getting back together?" Alex starts singing a couple bars to show Jay some examples of Max Martin's works.
"Uh..." Jay doesn't show any recognition.
"ou make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream?" Alex sings another song. Your best friend is nothing but persistent.
"Uhm.." And yet, Jay is still clueless.
"Jay is not keeping up with pop music for the last decade, Lex," You joke to your best friend. "Try some songs from the Backstreet Boys,"
"Hey!" Jay protests. "I know your songs," He smirks at you in full smug. "Especially the ones that were written about me."
You laugh at his adorable and sexy smirk. Sitting up from Jay's lap, you kiss the smug out of him.
"Guys, I'm still here." The flat tone of Alex on the phone stops Jay from taking the kiss further.
You peck a corner of Jay's lips one more time. "Your own fault. Who told you to call during our date night anyway?"
"Since I'm not there to poke and pinch you, I hope Jay could help me convince you to take this project." Your best friend is shameless.
"Is Angelique not a good person or something?" Jay tries to understand the situation. He knows you are a hard worker. It is rare for you to run off from a big project like this. "She ought to be a good singer, right? With all of that achievements,"
You cross your arms and glare at your boyfriend, "It is a prerogative to hate your best friend's exes, no?"
Jay frowns, "Wait, Angelique is Alex's ex?"
"Oh, come on!" groans Alex. "It was years ago!"
"You know how the saying goes. Quote-unquote, "You are my friend. She is your ex. You get to forgive and move on. I get to hold a grudge until I die”
"That was kinda harsh," Jay comments.
"Your best friend still hates me until now, Jay." You roll your eyes at your boyfriend.
"Mouse doesn't hate you. I even haven't got a chance to tell him about you since he's been deployed," Jay raises his eyebrows.
"She meant your work partner," Alex answers Jay for you.
Jay frowns deeper, "Hailey doesn't hate you."
"Wanna bet on that?" You challenge him.
Alex prevents the couple from bickering further, "Guys, listen! Angelique and I broke up amicably. There were no hard feelings between us now,"
"Excuse you!" You exclaim. "I still remember those dark days. You cried over so many Tequila bottles. And those boxes of chocolate!! Why did we have to consume that much chocolate over a breakup?? My waistline did not come back to its original measurement for three months!!"
Jay lets out an amused snort.
"Oh, you don't get to talk, man!" Alex hits the couple back. "Your temporary breakup also forced me to replenish my Jenever stocks! I got bakeries phone numbers on speed dial for chocolate cake emergencies!"
Jay puts his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay. You guys continue to discuss business," He stands up from the couch. "I'm gonna go warm up some pie," Jay gestures to the kitchen area. "Alex, it's nice to catch up with you. Hope the next time we talk, it would be more social and less about business,"
"And you, love, try to listen to what Alex offers first before you cut him off," Jay bends down to kiss your lips teasingly. "Please don't pull out any bottles with more than 40% alcohol content. I need you sober for our plans tonight." He winks at you before moving to the kitchen, leaving you to deal with your pushy best friend alone.
+x Taglist +x
@lorenakaspersen @life-treatments @itsdesiree86
Foot Note:
- Tom Cruise and Maggie Q blew up a Lamborghini Gallardo in Mission: Impossible III (2006). All of the MI movies are classics in my household.
- Max Martin is a Swedish record producer, songwriter. You might not know his name, but I'm sure you know his songs. In reference to this fic, he co-wrote and co-produced Taylor Swift's "We are never ever ever getting back together", co-wrote Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream", co-wrote and co-produced some of Backstreet Boys' biggest hits.
- "You are my friend. She is your ex. You get to forgive and move on. I get to hold a grudge until I die" line is taken from Henrietta Wilson on 9-1-1 TV Series S02E04 "Stuck". I thought it was hilarious. The line became the reason for this particular fic's existence.
I'm sorry for the long note. Thank you for reading this fic and the note. You are so welcome to reply, ask or tag me. We can talk about music, series or Jesse Lee Soffer's abs. :p
#jay halstead x reader#jay halstead imagine#jay halstead fic#one Chicago fic#chicago pd fic#chicago pd tv#jay halstead#reader#original character#fanfiction#one shot#original work#wyftiiffy
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Useful and practical advice for everyone starting college
So... Yes, I graduated! To celebrate this, I thought it would be a good idea to pass on some knowledge to those new students starting college this year (I feel like a Senpai). If it was difficult for me, I cannot fathom how much difficult it's going to be for you guys starting this year with all the things happening around the world. So good luck and I hope this really helps you out!
Try to get along with everyone. Look, prior to entering college I was asocial AF. It's not that I was shy, I just didn't like hanging out with people. However, my time in college taught me that interaction IS a very important part of life. I will be forever thankful to my classmates, who approached me on my first day (I entered college mid-year with no experience in business or economics. I was completely clueless). They were very nice to me and tried their best to explained how the school works, what classes we will be taking, what the professors and exams are like and such. Without their help, I would have had a harder time trying to get used to college. Truth is, you WILL need help at several points in college. And if you're not on good terms with anyone, who will be willing to help you? No one. So don't be a jerk and try your best to be nice and genuine with everyone in the class.
Help your classmates. Just as you will need help, your classmates will also need help. Don't wait for them to ask you for help. Offer to help them if you can! This can help you make friends or find new study buddies. Do not underestimate the power of helping others. When you help people with something, it is very likely that they will help you back when you need to. They might even recommend you for a job or internship position just because you helped them.
Find one or two study buddies. Study buddies will make studying more bearable. The study material that you will get in college is nothing compared to high school. So having a few study buddies that can help you make summaries, explain and work together on assignments will make studying much easier! I remember I had a study buddy for one of my minors in which we had to learn 16 chapters. We divided the summary workload and took turns explaining the chapters we each summarized. We literally cut the study time in half because of this!
Keep in contact with your classmates and professors. Chances are you will be separated for some time during minors, study abroad programs or internships. But that doesn't mean you have to lose contact with them. I'm not saying you have to chat with them every day. But contacting them once in awhile is good. I have been able to help some of my classmates with some subjects and applications. I have also become one of my professor's running buddies. So keep in touch because you never know what good you can give and what good it might bring you!
Be persistent. I have had instances were my school coach has ghosted me AND the school completely. Putting my internship and thesis at risk. Shit happens. And when you see things taking a turn for the ugly, fight back with all you got to get things back on track. The truth is, college is a business. And it will continue with or without you. A bit toxic, yes. However, it is up to you to not let things go south! Take action. Contact your professor when needed. Contact the administration. Contact management. Be persistent!
Plan as soon as possible. Don't wait for the first class to get your curriculum and then plan a week later. Download the curriculum BEFORE going to that first class. Plan BEFORE going to the class. Bombard your professor with questions regarding the curriculum on the first day. Make changes accordingly. Execute that plan ASAP. Your worst enemy is time. But your best friend is also time. The sooner you start, the more prepared you will be for your exams. Read more about how I plan here.
Don't say "yes" to everything. Yes, I am guilty of this one. I learn fast. I'm young. I have lots of energy. I can do whatever I put my mind to. WRONG. This kind of thinking led me to severe burnout. I was helping my parents in their business. I was doing a full-time internship. I started my own business and had 9 clients. I was training for a marathon. Shit went down horribly at some point. I'm glad I went through that burnout because it taught me the importance and necessity to be balanced in life. And that my ability to say no is sometimes more important than my ability to say yes.
College is more than just learning theory. Look, classes are not the thing you should focus on solely in college. If there's anything more important than classes, I would say is your ability to network and leverage this to get experience in the field. That is what college is about. College opens so many opportunities, not because of what they teach, but because of the resources that you are able to get. I'm not saying go slack on your classes, but keep in mind that a lot of times, people don't hire because you have a perfect GPA.
Have a plan to be smart with your money AND stick with it. I had a plan to be smart with my money. And I did so for 3 years. But in my fourth year... I fucked up. Guys... stick to your financial plan and avoid goddamn headaches. Learn about budgeting,
Do not pull all-nighters. If anything all-nighters made me perform worse. Also, they completely messed up my sleeping schedule, which in return messed up my entire schedule. As a result, I would stress out because I was behind schedule and I did not have the energy to catch up. Guys, do not underestimate the power of a good night's sleep.
Time batching will be your best friend. Having a set day to do similar tasks is honestly, one of the best ways to work. One day I would do all my homework for the week. The other day I would only study. One day I would do all of my house chores etc. It's much simpler and effective this way.
Having a study routine will actually help you to pull a miracle. A lot of people swear by a morning or night routine. I swear by a study/ work routine. For real... why aren't work routines more common? Once I start my routine, my brain knows its time to work and study and will not get distracted. You can read about my study routine more in detail here.
You will get fat pretty fast, so exercise. You will not have a lot of time on your hands. You no longer have breaks to play sports, you don't need to go to gym class, you probably have a car now. Your sedentary life will pretty much begin in college. And because you have the money you will start eating out or order takeout. So EAT WELL AND WORKOUT. I realized that the weeks I ate healthily, were also the weeks I was more energized. So do these 2 things religiously.
Don't be too uptight. Relax and have fun. If you're the type A, teacher's pet kind of student... don't be afraid to loosen up a little bit. After my burnout episode I understood the importance of having fun once in awhile. Turns out that going to parties, clubs, having girls night out is a fun experience and you'll look back at those memories with fond!
Start applying for internships as soon as possible. THIS. Honestly. Apply early. Finding an internship position isn't hard. But finding the right internship place that will allow you to grow and learn and at the same time get along with the culture is MUCH MUCH MUCH harder! So take your time finding an internship. Go to as many interviews as you can. Don't accept the first internship position because it's the first you got. Look at it objectively and talk to others that work in that company. I had the opportunity to work for 2 days under the guidance of another intern before saying yes. Ask for a similar opportunity so you can test the waters before accepting the internship offer.
Taking care of yourself is harder than you think. Develop a routines. Stick to those routines. Develop a personal hygiene routine. A workout routine. Eat healthy. These things are easier said than done. Constantly work on these things. If you let one fall, others will start falling too. Self care is a work in progress so never stop improving yourself no matter how many deadlines you have!
Older students are a godsend. If you want to hear a goddamn unbiased opinion, please refer to an older student. The administration or professor might tell you a process or application goes a certain way, but the older students that went through it, know better as they literally had to go through it. The advice they will give you will be more practical than the advice the professors can give you. So listen to them carefully. They will also be able to help you with tips for exams, summaries or explaining. So be friends with them too!
Get a mentor. I was lucky enough to find 2 excellent mentors in my college journey. I became good friends with one of my professors, and she was the one that taught me all I know about personal investing. Honestly, she was the real MVP. Amazing professor, explanations were top notch, and really enjoyed her work. The second one, was my thesis coach. She helped me built my business and her expertise in the field helped me a lot in starting up. Don't be afraid to ask your professors or experts in the field to help you get started! Sometimes, they are eager to pass what they know unto someone. You got nothing to lose!
#studyblr#college#student#studyspo#study blog#notes#study motivation#productivity#studygram#study tips
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Thank you for all the explanations, point-of-views and discussions you both have and reblog. You have a way to put in words and explain why certain scenes feel so uncomfortable. Maybe it sounds sad that tumblr is my educational tool but I've learnt more reading your thoughts than in RL. Sooo, okay, maybe this is a bit clumsy and over worded thanks but you're a fantastic person and I look forward to reading all your 9-1-1 comments.
This is a lovely message to come back to! Choosing to be kind does not come naturally to everyone in this fandom - you're a diamond in the rough! 💕💕
Truthfully, I've never second-guessed my decision to speak publicly about my disability and how it negatively impacted my upbringing, how it still impacts the dynamic between myself and my parents (particularly my mother).
The first eighteen years of my existence deprived me of autonomy. My parents were clueless as to how my condition should be treated and took "medical professionals" at their word, leaving me with no say in being touched, cut open, being force-fed medications via applesauce and pudding, drugged to the point of hallucination, strangers having "permission" to see me without clothing (if I think about lying unconscious on the operating table for too long I get nauseous)... the list goes on.
Willingly attaching my name to my disability as I got older was a way for me to take back the control I was robbed of.
Nobody else has the right to tell me what having cerebral palsy is like because disability exists on a spectrum and unless you're in my body you cannot know what it's like for ME.
Nobody else has the right to tell me how to feel about the way my family has handled my diagnosis because they did not experience it firsthand.
Nobody else gets to tell me NOT to discuss my disability and the shit that goes along with it because, guess what? I might hate my disability, I might ask 'why me?', but it took me a long time to feel anything other than embarrassment when my disability was a topic of conversation and I won't let anybody - not my mother, not my sisters, not my "friends", and certainly not some asshole on tumblr dot com who lives in another country - try to destroy my progress. I'm stronger than that. (I suppose I have my mother to thank, lol. The stuff people say to me on here is laughable compared to what she's thrown at me in a fit of rage.)
If you come to my blog, there will ALWAYS be discussions about disabled life and ableism because though it's true activism shouldn't start and stop within fandom walls, it's become increasingly clear to me that many folks don't interact with the physically disabled "IRL" - their misinformed opinions serve as proof, their willingness to take one person's opinion as gospel (and the people they seek out don't even have the disability being depicted in the show) just to avoid ever engaging in ~discourse~ serves as proof.
If I gotta be the pain in the ass that reminds everyone those of us who are (visibly) physically disabled don't have as it as easy as you think, then fuck it. 911 fandom isn't the first group of people I've annoyed just by talking about being disabled and they certainly won't be the last.
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Simply, your (14)
Pairing: Baekhyun x reader
Genre: family AU, hapkido teacher AU, PhD AU
Word count: 7K
Warnings: language
A/N: Wow. This one was a small rollercoaster. Please let me know what you thought! I have been staring at my screen for too long today, sorry for any mistakes. ^^
tags: @milky-baek @itsbaekhyunsbutt @luvhtears @shesdreaminginoverdose @cynthbee @jummyjammy @junmyeonnoona @littleflowercrown13 @sebootyforlife (if you want to be tagged/untagged please let me know!)
MASTERLIST
1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 . 7 . 8 . 9 . 10 . 11 . 12 . 13
Everything felt like a dream. A very painful, unrealistic, maybe even bizarre dream that pulled you into an abyss of deep sleep. Levitating between reality and dream, you weren’t sure if the pain in your body was also something your mind brilliantly produced, but it was a small emergency bell, nonetheless. A bell that was supposed to tell you that everything that happened in the past 24 hours was very much real.
When you were brought back to consciousness, a mop of hair was what welcomed you, the owner’s forehead pressed to the mattress while his hands were cradling yours, sitting on a chair next to your bed. Was he sleeping? He seemed uncomfortable, you thought.
Looking up at the ceiling of the room, you started to feel all the discomfort your body was quickly catching up to. The tiredness as if you got run over by a truck instead of quality rest. Your head was a bit light, and the pain, especially between your legs, was slowly growing in intensity, starting with gentle throbbing.
When you finally understood why you were in the hospital, your eyes widened and looked around the room in hopes to see some small carrier that would have three babies. But there were none.
You moved around a little more before Baekhyun snapped his head up, his eyes on alert as he saw you looking at him with big, but tired eyes.
“Honey,” he whispered and stood up, leaning over you. “You’re up.” He cradled your face and you closed your eyes for a second before opening them.
“Wh-where are our babies?” you asked in a whisper as well, not trusting your voice just yet. “Why aren’t they here? How long have I been out?”
“Shh,” he let out gently, combing your hair out of your face. “The doctor told us they have to be in incubation for the time being. Don’t you remember?”
You felt tears in your eyes because the only real thing you remembered was pushing out a human. And then another one. And another one. Everything after that seemed to be a blur. “I want to see them.”
He looked worried at your words and he sat back down, your face missing the heat of his palms. “First let’s have some water, hm?” he said, giving you a small smile as he reached for the cup that was on the small table next to your bed. He helped you gulp down half of it before the nurse appeared from the corridor with a kind smile. You recognized her as the same one that declared you were ready to go to labor.
“Oh, our young triplet family,” she said in a cheerful voice which was weirdly soothing to you. If she acted like that it meant there were no problems. “I see the mother is up. I am going to check your pulse, alright?” Both you and Baekhyun nodded and she asked in between: “When did you wake up?”
“Not long ago,” answered Baekhyun. “Not even five minutes ago.”
She nodded and once the machine around your arm beeped, she looked up at you, frowning. “Aren't you feeling dizzy?”
You sighed and nodded. “Just a bit.”
“Your blood pressure is a bit low now, for a change,” answered the nurse with an amusement, but you knew it was to lighten up your mood. You couldn’t even bother replying to that, only one thought consuming your mind: “Can I see my babies?”
Nurse looked down at you and she took a deep breath. “It’s better for you to lie down a little longer, miss, your va-“
“I want to see them now, though,” you interrupted with a weak voice and Baekhyun squeezed your hand as if asking for your attention.
“It’s better to listen to the nurse,” he advised quietly.
“You need to rest just a little longer, miss. I promise I will take you to them later-“
You had tears in your eyes again. “You took them away from me without me having a single proper glance at them,” you said, your voice raising in volume with each word. “I want to see them now. I feel good enough to see them.”
“Sweetheart, you can't walk yet,” said Baekhyun with a gentle, but resolute voice which you knew you shouldn't go against. He was running his thumb over the skin of your hand soothingly, momentarily bringing you to present and out of your little tantrum. Just momentarily, though.
“Babe, I am just fine!”
Baekhyun seemed troubled and looked up at the nurse for what you could only interpret as help.
And she did help. “Your vagina is stitched up and still healing after the surgery. You cannot walk right now.”
You gritted your teeth, angry tears spilling from the sides of your eyes. So that was the uncomfortable pain you felt down there.
“Until when,” you breathed weakly.
Baekhyun reached out his hand and ran the back of his index finger over the moisture.
“In the morning.”
“What time is it now?”
“It’s 1am,” she said, giving you a pressed smile. “I understand it’s difficult and that you really want to see the little ones, but rest just a little bit longer and we will take you there.”
“Then how do I pee?”
“You can do it in bed,” informed the nurse as if it were good news and pointed to a bag attached to the side of the bed you couldn’t see properly. “You are connected to this bag that will take everything you need to let out.”
Her words really hurt in a way, despite them being purely informative. How embarrassing that was. How frustrating every single thing was. You couldn’t see your babies, you couldn’t even walk and now you couldn’t even go to the toilet like a normal human.
“Can you do something with my dizziness?” you replied instead, turning your face slightly away from Baekhyun and the nurse, their gazes too heavy for you to bear. “Just something to stop it.”
“I will connect you to the IV drip,” she replied right away and you heard her write down something on the papers she was clutching to her chest now before moving to your side of the bed. “And I will come back in the morning.”
She quickly did as she said, taking your hand gently and plucking yet another injection in there, your hand and inside of your elbow now severely bruised.
Once she was out the doors, it was only the soft commotion coming from the corridors as nurses and some patients were roaming around.
You became extremely aware of Baekhyun’s touch on your hand and a couple of more tears rolled out of your eyes.
“Baby,” you heard him call silently, pleadingly.
You pressed your lips into a thin line and by now your tears were unstoppable. Humiliation and pain, all of it too much to bear and everything for him to witness.
“Oh, sweetheart, it’s okay,” he cooed when he saw your trembling chin and wet cheek. He was quick to stand up and lean over you to have a good look at your face. He took a gentle hold of it, making you look at him with worry. Despite you feeling and probably looking like death, he wasn’t far away, either. His face seemed a bit fallen, circles under his eyes more prominent and his hair was disheveled. He could still set your heart in a frenzy, though. “It’s alright, I’m here.”
“I can’t stand you seeing me like this,” you whispered quickly before a sob would beat you to it. “I really can’t, Baekhyun,” you said and turned your head away even though he was still holding you.
“No, sweetheart, don’t do this,” he let out. “It’s all only natural.”
You turned your head back to look at him. “It’s humiliating,” you spat a bit stronger than intended. “And I can’t even see the three small humans I struggled to bring to this world. I just-“ you squeezed your eyes shut and let out a sob as a series of crying sprees overtook you, finally all the emotions and pain catching up to you, bringing you to your lowest of low. “I am fucking stitched up down there!”
Baekhyun was looking at you sadly and like someone very troubled, for he had no idea how to console you or make the pain go away.
Of course, you were aware of it. You knew he was helpless, powerless and just overall clueless about everything that you were going through in that moment. Yet, he was the one who was receiving your punches, your frustrations that you couldn’t keep at bay. He was there to support you only for you to push him away.
“I know,” he said, whispering your name gently as he caressed your flushed cheek, hating to see you cry so heartbreakingly, and in response, his own eyes glistened with tears, “and I’m so sorry that I don’t know what you are feeling right now, but please know that I understand and I am here for you. I’m here and I’m not leaving and I don’t care how you look or what you do. This is how it is, so please don’t think like that. I love you,” he said urgently, his eyes searching for yours.
You met his, though you could barely make out any features of his because he was blurry. Likewise Baekhyun only saw your blood-shot orbs full of moisture as tears kept falling from them continuously.
Finally, after more sobbing, you longingly reached out to Baekhyun, hugging him to you and he quickly complied, hushing you gently as he hid his face in your neck and murmured words of comfort. His scent was lingering and it was the only thing that could ground you enough to calm your ragged breathing and bring you some peace to your troubled whirlwind of emotions.
“I’m scared of everything,” you admitted finally. “I’m scared. I don't want to be here, Baekhyun. I want to go back home and hide.”
“Soon, my love, soon. Let's hold on just a little bit longer. We can do this. You can do this.”
Let's. A powerful word. Baekhyun used it a lot, you took note. We. Us. Our. Let’s. Everything he said included you and him. Him and you. It was never just one, it was either both or none. And right now, when you couldn't stand anything, he was there to remind you he was with you. It was not just you.
“I promise soon enough we will be home, in safety, just like you want it now. With our babies, as well,” he kept murmuring, his breath hot on your ear, the depth of his voice pulling you in like a lullaby.
You closed your eyes, imagining your tiny apartment with three off-springs in it that were made from pure love between you and Baekhyun.
You swallowed when Baekhyun went quiet, eventually deciding to just lie down next to you on the bed. You gratefully shimmied to the side, though you hissed in pain that shot up from between your legs. “Fuck, that hurts,” you groaned quietly, hiding your face in Baekhyun’s shoulder.
“Careful.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead.
“Baekhyun,” you whispered and he hummed in reply, making himself more comfortable. “Have you… seen them?”
He was silent for a moment before humming again. “I have, sweetheart.”
You bit your lip, fighting back the tears again. “How were they?”
“Beautiful,” he was fast to whisper back and he reached out to turn off the light on the table next to your bed, engulfing the room in darkness, the only light coming from the open doors of the room. “Fragile, but absolutely beautiful.”
Tears, once again, rolled down your cheeks and fell on Baekhyun's shirt as you silently cried and he hugged you even closer, letting you cry yourself to another deep slumber.
-
It wasn't easy to stand up, as you quickly learned later that day when the nurse came in the morning, just as promised. You felt like you were going to rip apart from sharp pain down there and your veins showed on your forehead as you fought the pain away, though to no avail.
“Can't you give her something to numb it?” asked Baekhyun in concern as he held your hand when you were standing frozen, breathing heavily before mustering up the courage to make another few steps.
“We are already giving her painkillers,” answered the nurse and squeezed your hand to show you support.
“I want to see my kids,” you said decidedly, “so I will walk to them right now, even if it means I will split open.”
Baekhyun didn't seem so convinced and he would have opposed it, but it had been almost two days and you still couldn't see them.
After a long, terrible way to the incubation, you were finally met with a wide glass that enabled you to look into the room full of small incubators that were a temporary and safe home for the new-born babies. Three of those were occupied by yours and you cried the entire time until you stood above one of them, your only son inside. His eyes were closed as he was sleeping peacefully, not making a single noise. His small hands were curled up into tiny fists and you grabbed Baekhyun's hand for support, squeezing it. He was right beside you, his eyes huge as he observed the tiny body of your son.
“You were right,” you said quietly, shakily. “Beautiful. Each of them.” And so, so fragile.
Baekhyun pressed his lips to your temple, keeping them there as he murmured. “Must be after you.”
You snorted, but didn't tear your gaze away from your baby for a single second.
You did the same to your two daughters, their pink skin reminding you how fresh and raw it still was. How incredibly fragile and weak they were. How they needed technology now more than you, for you couldn’t help them despite being their mother.
“They will be out very soon,” came a quiet voice. You looked up and saw a NICU doctor smiling at you and Baekhyun in a manner that could only be called understanding.
You nodded, not knowing what to say; or more like you wanted to have your little peace with them without interruption.
“You actually came in time,” she continued as she stepped to one of your daughters' incubators and opened it. “Unfortunately, you can’t hold them just yet but you can see how they change positions.”
You and Baekhyun looked at each other before following the doctor's hand movement. She carefully took the baby's body and turned it, making the tiny body lie on its belly.
You frowned, horrified. “Wh-why are you doing that? Isn't that going to suffocate her?”
The doctor adjusted the legs, tucking the knees towards the belly, hands next to the face. She then straightened up and closed the incubator. “These positions are the closest to how the babies would be if they are still inside your belly. They help in the growth of the baby's body.”
You were so surprised at that news that you and Baekhyun slowly walked up to your daughter’s incubator, watching her tiny body curled up, her gentle body strikingly soft.
The doctor gave you another kind smile. “Have you thought about the names yet?”
Baekhyun looked down at you, though quite surprisingly, you haven't discussed it. You didn't know their gender throughout pregnancy and after birth you were trying to recover from the small surgery and mental breakdown after mental breakdown. “Not yet,” he replied, squeezing your waist to hold you up when he noticed your tired posture. “Maybe we will go back to the room now and have a little discussion, hm?” he said, the last sentence more to you than to the doctor.
“I don’t want to leave them just yet,” you mumbled, looking up at Baekhyun with pleading eyes.
The doctor slowly worked on the other babies, while Baekhyun whispered: “You are getting tired, honey. You still need to think about your own health. How will you take care of the little ones if you don't have enough energy?”
Contemplating his words, you concluded that he was correct. But emotionally, you felt guilty for not being there for your children.
“C'mon,” he said, nudging you gently, “let's have a rest. They are better here now, sleeping anyway.”
You nodded, though it was difficult to do so.
-
“So Juna, the eldest? And Junhee, second? Jun, our little boy?” you whispered excitedly into Baekhyun's ear as the both of you were lying on the bed again, giggling to each other at various names, discussing meanings behind them.
“I think it's perfect,” he smiled, kissing your temple.
Baekhyun was keen on calling his son Jun and the names for your daughters came pretty naturally, as if it was meant to be like that.
Just before you could say something, the nurse came in rather quickly, her eyes frantic. It made you tense up immediately, Baekhyun following the lead. “Miss.”
You were already sitting up, ignoring the pain in between your legs. “What happened? Something with the babies?”
Panic overtook you almost right away until Baekhyun reached for you to stop moving, forcing you to let the nurse tell you what the problem was.
“The babies are alright, but there are some reporters asking about you.”
“Excuse me?”
“Sorry, I suppose you don't know, but you made it to the news. As you know, you gave birth to triplets naturally which is very rare these days,” she rushed to explain with a bright smile aimed at you.
Your jaw fell, going into a huge shock, not even registering Baekhyun's hand running up and down your back soothingly. He didn't seem that shocked though. He must have already known.
“They want an interview - of course, none of your personal information has been released. We, as a hospital, cannot share that kind of information, but it is up to you whether you want to talk to them or not. After all, you did something fantastic.”
You couldn't catch Baekhyun's wide, and very proud smile as he watched your awed profile.
“I don't want to talk to them, thank you,” you decided, the idea not sitting well with you. “I just- I am not interested.” You held your chest. “You got me scared. I thought something was wrong with the babies.”
“I'm so sorry.” The nurse really was apologetic. “I will communicate your decision to the PR.” She hesitated for a moment before asking kindly: “Have you perhaps decided on the names of the babies, yet?”
Baekhyun nodded happily.
-
The entire week had been a huge blur. At some point you told Baekhyun to go home, rest up, shower, change clothes and to try to have some peace but he only did it when you promised him you wouldn’t move too much.
By the end of the week you could go to the toilet but only with the help of nurse, who had to help you pee, which turned out to be a very painful experience. You would have been humiliated under normal circumstances but after giving birth and them seeing literally everything, you couldn't care less. She was very supportive of you, though, and the only thing that kept you going were the days that would bring you closer to going home together with your little ones.
Baekhyun’s friends as well as Sukyeong and Chen came to visit and you were thankful for a close connection with the outside world, the hospital room already giving you slight depression. They showed you the short news that were about you, titled as “a young woman in Seoul gives natural birth to triplets”. It made you feel proud.
Sukyeong and Chanyeol both promised to come on the day of your release to help with the move smoothly. Chanyeol had a car and Sukyeong wanted to be there for emotional support for you. Thankfulness was an understanding.
Everyone was so patient with you and your little outbursts of frustration and small emotional rollercoasters. Every time you went to NICU, your heart would die a little bit, seeing your babies in such a weak state ripping your chest apart in pain. Realizing these emotions had to be newfound motherly instincts made you cry just a little harder because- you were a mother; someone responsible for their well-being, responsible for their health and happiness.
That was why, on the final day in the hospital, you fought back your tears very hard, the sight of the doctors taking out your tiny children tattooed in your memory permanently.
Baekhyun’s best friend, Chanyeol, and you’re best friend Sukyeong, we’re both outside watching you through the big window. It was a bit comical; Chanyeol the tall man whose eyes were huge already as they were, yet they doubled in size from being emotional while Sukyeong was a little energetic ball next to him, smiling brightly, her eyes getting almost lost.
“Jun, being the last baby, still didn’t open his eyes,” explained the doctor, bringing you back to the present, as she took him out and walked towards you and Baekhyun where you were sitting just close by on the couches they had there. “But maybe when he feels his parents…” she trailed off, sending you a soft smile.
You were already holding Juna, the eldest, and you wanted Baekhyun to take Jun, his only son. The doctor handed the tiny body to Baekhyun who cradled him to his chest with great care. Jun let out soft baby noises and Baekhyun proceeded to talk to him while the doctor tended to your middle one, Junhee.
“Hey there, little pal,” you heard a soft whisper. Seeing Juna was fast asleep on your chest, you leaned your head on Baekhyun's shoulder and watched Jun’s peaceful face. “Daddy’s got you now. You’re safe with me, buddy.”
You breathed out a soft laugh through your nose, nuzzling Baekhyun’s shoulder just when you saw two huge pairs of black eyes looking at you rather sleepily.
“Oh my god, he opened his eyes,” you whispered, watching in awe as Jun was blinking slowly, taking in the world with his eyes. His eyes focused on you before moving his eyes upwards, towards the sound of his father’s voice.
“Is little Jun seeing everything for the first time?” cooed Baekhyun gently though he couldn’t see the scene, baby’s head being tucked under his chin.
Tears welled up in your eyes and your heart broke just a little bit again. Jun was the most fragile out of the three babies. Being the last one to come out and the one who was squished far back in your tummy with his two sisters in your belly, he was deprived of the vital nutritions your body was supposed to provide him while in the womb the most. Seeing him look around with curiosity and reacting to Baekhyun’s voice - it made you emotional.
You held Juna close to you as Jun looked back to you again. Maybe you were just seeing things too early on, but he seemed to have Baekhyun’s eyes; big, soft, down-turned and delicate.
“Hi there, little one,” you let out, pressing your lips together to keep your cries in. “Welcome.”
Baekhyun looked at you with the softest smile he ever gave you. He took notice of your tear-stained cheeks but he couldn’t comment, for his own were slowly burning up in his eyes. You looked so beautiful with tiny Juna in your arms as she slept peacefully while you were gazing at your son in his arms. Despite looking exhausted, he became breathless just a little bit. Pregnancy made you thousand times more beautiful, the pregnancy glow made you shine and bubbly and attractive and incredibly desirable. Now, after giving birth, he saw you in a completely different light - as a mother of his children, and he might have fallen in love with you all over again.
Baekhyun maneuvered Jun around carefully until he was lying in his arms and he could see his eyes. Jun looked back at his father, still blinking slowly, sleepily as he curiously took in Baekhyun’s smiling features.
“Well, hello there, big eyes,” he whispered lovingly. “Are you enjoying the view?”
You giggled quietly and sighed in content.
“I think he likes you very much, honey,” you commented, watching Jun’s stare fixed on your boyfriend.
Baekhyun cooed lovingly, completely and utterly sweeped off his feet at the sight of his son looking back at him.
Just then, the doctor approached with Junhee. You gladly opened your other arm for the third baby to join you. Junhee was awake and already taking her surroundings in.
You smiled when your eyes met, the baby silently watching you. Just like Baekhyun, you cooed though a bit quieter not to disturb sleeping Juna. Junhee’ s eyes scrunched up ever so slightly in the tiniest of smiles, though for you it felt like she had a full on grin plastered on her face. Your chest was about to combust with emotions while you noticed the doctors and nurses watching you with smiling faces.
“Is it okay if we take a picture of you? So we can hang it up here to prove that everything is possible,” asked the doctor who handed you the babies.
You and Baekhyun exchanged silent glances and nodded. You might have made history today.
The picture came out beautiful. Baekhyun leaned in to kiss your temple just when the flash blinded you.
-
When you arrived at your apartment, it was crazy silent, and smelled like home. Everything was clean and put in place which made you turn to Baekhyun with a grateful smile for you knew it was him cleaning up the apartment whenever he left the hospital to go home.
Once Sukyeong and Chanyeol left, you went to the bedroom to found it being rearranged.
The mattress you and Baekhyun usually slept on was pushed to the wall and under the window surrounded by pillows. It would have to do for the babies until you could afford to buy a more proper place for them to sleep. You and Baekhyun agreed you'd sleep on the floor on the mat right next to the bed.
Deciding you wanted to shower and to put yourself together as much as you could with your tiredness and achiness, you placed the babies in the mattress over the length so all of them would fit. They were all sleeping anyway, so you didn’t feel too guilty for letting them be for now.
“I’ll watch out for them, you go and shower,” murmured Baekhyun as he roamed in the bag that was with you in the hospital. You nodded, already taking off your shirt that was now hanging off of you as you lost a bit of the baby bump. “Will you be alright? You want me to help?”
You turned back to him but shook your head with a smile. “I’ll be fine. You watch the babies.”
“Honey, wait,” called softly Baekhyun and stood up, walking towards your awaiting figure. Once stood in front of you, he smiled and cradled your face. “Welcome home,” he whispered before kissing you on your lips softly.
You returned the kiss that made you smile as you hugged him to you. “Thank you, Baekhyun. For everything,” you mumbled against his mouth.
-
“They are sleeping so peacefully,” whispered Baekhyun lovingly as he raised his head slightly, looking at the mattress that once used to be his and yours but now three sleeping babies were preoccupying the space. Your three babies.
You hummed, not turning around to check, because you couldn't take off your eyes of Baekhyun. His eyes were sparkling, his cheeks puffy in a gracious smile as his lip was trapped between his teeth. His hand was resting on your hip, and he gave you a couple of caresses before lowering himself back into lying position on the mattress, facing you with a smile.
“What?” he whispered again, noticing your dreamy eyes.
You shook your head lightly. “Nothing. I just love you.”
Baekhyun's smile widened, but also softened. He slid the hand that was resting on your hip over your curves and arm until he reached your cheek that he cradled gently. “And I love you,” he murmured. “I love you so much, my hero.”
You smiled at the nickname he gave you, making your eyes teary.
Beakhyun brought his face closer to yours until you felt his breath fanning your lips. “I love you,” he repeated lovingly and breathed a silent kiss on your lips. Not moving away too much, he suddenly whispered, staring into your eyes: “Marry me.”
You gasped as silently as you could, your head unconsciously moving away. “Baekh-”
Just then his hand disappeared from your face and before you knew it, he was playing with your fingers, and you felt something cold being slid on the fourth finger on your left hand. He kept looking at your shocked face. “Marry me, my hero.” Once he made sure the ring was safely on your finger, he brought your hand up to his mouth, pressing a kiss to your palm, then to the ringed finger. “After everything that I put you through with pregnancy-”
“It was both of us-”
“But I put you through it unexpectedly, and I thought I would lose you because of it. What you just did last week is something incredible, my love,” he murmured urgently, searching your eyes. “So grant me the pleasure to finally become your husband I wanted to be for a long time now.”
Happy tears glistened in your eyes as you were looking into Baekhyun's expecting ones. So the moment had finally come. He proposed. After everything you've been through for years and now the past 8 months and the past week... He still wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, he still loved you and he still wanted to be yours.
Tears rolled down the bridge of your nose and you nodded eagerly. “Yes, Baekhyun,” you whispered quickly before you would choke on a sob. “Thousand times yes,” you mumbled and were already leaning in for a kiss while you noticed his eyes also glistening, but smiling happily nonetheless. He let out a quiet, but happy chuckle as he awaited for you to come close enough and he finally kissed you, intertwining his hand with yours. The one with the ring on it.
You prolonged the kiss, having missed this kind of contact with him, and you tried to kiss him as quietly as possible, the idea of all three babies up and loud scary enough to make you behave.
Before you knew it, Baekhyun wrapped his arm around your waist and brought you on his chest while he laid back on his back, your lips still connected, both of you smiling like fools.
You separated with a quiet smooch and you excitedly brought the left hand close to your face and admired the beautiful ring, the small diamonds catching faraway light even the darkness of the room. It bore certain heaviness around it, giving it a meaning; meaning that you belonged to him.
“You like it, sweetheart?” asked Baekhyun silently as he massaged your neck slowly, then twirled your hair around his finger.
You grinned to yourself, affection and love spreading endless warmth in your heart. Turning your head, Baekhyun’s lips stretched wide at the sight of your smile. “I love it. It’s perfect.”
“I’m glad you think so.”
“You’re perfect,” you sighed and lifted yourself up to hide your face in the crook of his neck. “You’re everything and more.”
He slipped his arms around your figure and hugged you tightly. “You’re talking about yourself right?”
You both laughed quietly as you enjoyed the silence, while keeping an eye on three sleeping babies next to you.
It really couldn’t get any better than that, you thought.
-
Managing three babies was... difficult. Waking up at ungodly hours was something both of you were strongly prepared for mentally until it actually started to happen and until you realized you had two breasts but three mouths to feed. As much as you tried to take care of the little ones with love and care, you were exhausted to the utmost limit and your breasts and back were hurting, let alone your neck wouldn’t cooperate with keeping your head up despite the daylight outside.
“Honey,” murmured Baekhyun one night, shaking your shoulder gently as you dozed off while feeding the last one, sitting against the wall. “I’ve got an idea.”
You couldn’t even create a coherent sentence, instead you just followed your fiancé to bed where two already fed kids were sleeping quietly.
“Just lie down on your side and put him next to you,” he navigated and helped you do so with gentle hands while making sure the baby was secured in your arms.
Once you lied down, almost immediately you were pulled harshly into the dreamland and you only vaguely could feel Baekhyun placing the baby close to your breast while holding his head up so he wouldn’t choke.
He pressed a kiss to your temple, nosing your cheek as he sighed tiredly and looked at Jun, who was now feeding. “You little rascals,” he murmured lovingly and took a glimpse at your almost unconscious figure.
It hurt him seeing you like this, yet he couldn’t stop the feeling of pride swelling in his heart. You were fighting every day without a break and you still found time to tend to him, too. All of these facts just made him realize how a woman was important in a household. She was everyone’s anchor.
And he wanted to make sure he was yours.
Once Jun was well fed, he let the baby keep sleeping while he shook you awake yet again and helped you back to your own small place next to the mattress.
“Thank you,” you murmured, your voice hoarse with sleep as you lied down. “I love you,” you made sure to say before letting him pull you close and finally, finally getting some very much needed sleep.
“Love you, too.”
-
“Oh, Sukyeonga,” you smiled when you opened the door, your good friend waiting on the other side with a huge and excited grin.
“Come here, mama!” she wailed and engulfed you in a huge hug that knocked the wind out of your lungs. “My beautiful friend with three!”
You chuckled and let go of her as you invited her in. “Beautiful, more like a zombie. I’m numb inside.”
She sighed as she took off her shoes and tiptoed after you with a bag dangling off her wrist. “Being a mother suits you,” she said gently, observing your features. “This is for you. A little present for two princesses and a prince.”
Taking the bag from her you saw little overall dresses in various colours and you smiled gratefully. “Thank you. This is a huge help.”
She waved her hand and peeked inside the bedroom where the babies were sleeping. “Don’t mention it. They grow very fast so the sizes are a bit bigger.” She turned back to you and both of you sat down at the small table on the floor, your already prepared tea well bred by now. You quickly poured her and yourself a small cup.
Without realizing, you felt your eyes burn with tears. “I just- it’s just hard to maintain a good life while so many threats are breathing down our necks, you know?” you said with a restricted throat and Sukyeong was fast next to you, rubbing your back in small circles. “Baekhyun is doing his best but he is literally about to end his doctoral studies and it’s very difficult for him to also lead the university’s team and whatnot.”
“Ah, dear, I know it’s difficult for the both of you. You’re still breastfeeding, right?”
You nodded, wiping your cheeks. “Yes, but I don’t know for how long I can do that,” you admitted with a stuffy nose. “When I’m finally done with the last baby, I can start over again with feeding the first… Either way, I’d love to get a job and help Baek out with meeting the deadlines but how can I-“ you choked on a sob and Sukyeong brought you to her, giving you a huge reassuring hug. “Shh. It’ll be alright. I know it’s hard. But until now the both of you have gotten through everything stronger than before. I’m sure this will also turn into your favor. You just gotta believe.”
You cried just a bit harder because your mental health was unstable and tiredness was eating you away. “Baekhyun pro-proposed,” you hiccuped on your sobs and you heard Sukyeong’s gasp as she leaned away from the hug, a look of disbelief evident on her face. “What? He proposed? For marriage?” You nodded and she sighed, a satisfied smile stretching her lips. “Finally.”
“Huh?”
“We’ve been in touch a lot,” she admitted, “he was asking for my suggestions to know if you would like the ring or not. He spent a lot of time on it. Which reminds me- show me!”
But you didn’t have to move as she grabbed your left hand and brought the hand up to her face, her gaze scrutinizing the choice of your fiancé. “That’s so pretty. We all agreed on this one. I’m glad he is a man who listens well”
“Huh?”
She giggled at your antics and let go of you to take a sip of her tea. “He asked Chanyeol and some other of his close friends, and me and Chen. We all knew but then when he planned to propose, you went into labor unexpectedly so I’m glad he was finally able to get a peace of mind. He was scared you know?”
Feeling your tears dry up on your cheeks, you quickly ran your hands over them. “Scared? Of what? Rejection?”
She nodded with a knowing smile.
You scoffed in disbelief. “I would never reject him, what was he thinking? Like he could get rid of me after making me pregnant with three kids.”
Sukyeong chuckled. “I just think,” she shrugged thoughtfully, “that he really respects you and doesn’t take you for granted. He loves you so much. He is a tough guy for sure, I wouldn't want him to kick my butt, but if there is anyone or anything that scares him, it’s you.”
You shook your head though her words were making you emotional yet again. Just then your phone beeped with an incoming message from him. You quickly leaned over the phone.
is everything okay with the four of you? ❤️
did Sukyeong arrive?
“See?” Sukyeong nudged you. “It’s difficult for me not to swoon over him.”
You laughed and typed up a quick reply. You couldn’t even get jealous over her words; you might have just found yourself swooning over your fiancée as well.
Just when you were about to retort something, somebody knocked on the door. Quickly standing and rushing to grab the door, you swung it open, curious as to who could it be- except it was no one. You looked around, waiting for a few more heartbeats as if expecting someone to pop up out of nowhere but the corridor was so silent you shrugged, deciding to just close the door when your gaze fell on the floor. There was a white envelope with your name on top of it, written in an elegant font.
Frowning slightly, you crouched down, taking the letter and turning it over in your hands a few times before going back inside. Not understanding why the person didn’t leave it downstairs in the post boxes, you decided to open it right away just when Sukyeong skipped over to you, also curious at the weird delivery.
“Who is it from?”
“I have no clue and there is no name there,” you replied, deep in thought before opening the envelope.
There was only one thin paper inside, though the text on it was heavy. You skimmed it quickly over but Sukyeong was faster in understanding what the paper was about.
“What the-”
And then you gasped loudly, complete and utter shock overtaking you when you also realized what you were holding in your hand.
“Is this a freaking lotto ticket?” you asked, your hand now shaking.
“Fuck,” Sukyeong let out, covering her mouth, her eyes huge in pure shock. “One billion won?”
The paper you were holding slowly descended to the floor, your poor heart too much in shock to keep it in your grip.
The lotto ticket was on your name.
The money was yours.
You were a millionaire.
----
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CuriousCat
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#baekhyun fanfiction#exowritersnet#baekhyun fluff#baekhyun romance#exo fluff#exo romance#exo fanfiction#baekhyun smut#baekhyun scenario#baekhyun fic#baekhyun au#mywritings
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