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butteerfly · 4 years

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— Dating haikyuu!! boys ♡

headcanons 🦋

this was really difficult because in haikyuu all the boys are characters that you can't help but love, at least it's like that for me. So choosing a few was quite a challenge, anyway if you want a specific character that I didn't mention let me know ♡♡♡

kageyama tobio; tsukishima kei; nishinoya yuu; kozume kenma; ushijima wakatoshi (my boys) — fem!!reader

KAGEYAMA TOBIO

(I'm so in love with this pretty boy)

he is very sweet with you

The best part is that he doesn't realize this

Contrary to common thought, I think tobio is an excellent boyfriend

He always makes sure you get home safely after school, even ask the coach for a few minutes to say goodbye to you (I'm just crying as I imagine this)

You can't spend a lot of time together after school because he has his practices, but he always makes sure you sit next to him in class and have lunch with him.

always has your favorite strawberry milk in his backpack, just for you

He doesn't want you to go to practice because he's secretly a little jealous and he knows that as soon as they see you, Noya and Hinata are going to jUMp at you

The kind of boyfriend your parents love and yet he still gets nervous when he's with them

definitely bad for cuddles

He doesn't know how to hug or kiss you, he doesn't know if that's going to be okay for you or if you're uncomfortable, he never had a girlfriend before you

You always tell him what to do but it doesn't matter, he always blushes after all

forehead kisses are his favorites

He loves when his head rests on your lap and you play with his hair, he instantly relaxes

When you go to see him at one of the matches, his smile and blush never fade.

He loves to see the sparkle in your eyes when he sets the ball for the spiker

and when is he going to serve...

he knows that you know that's a direct point

You raise his ego a lot, it is inevitable 😔💕

You simply give him unshakable strength when he is more demoralized than normal.

always hugs you after a match, it doesn't matter if he lost or won, the others don't matter, only you in his arms

TSUKISHIMA KEI

dating him is amazingly fun

You are the couple that always teases each other in some way and is not bothered by this

Since you know each other you never stop laughing together and this is something he is aware of, he appreciates you very much despite not showing it so often

ok but no matter what your height is, he always teases you

The fact that your hands don't even cross behind his neck makes him laugh a lot

he's actually good for cuddles

He's the type of boy who always has a smirk on his face before kissing you

hands on your waist every time he hugs you

when i said he was good for cuddles i meant cuddles in the privacy of his room

because if you hug him or kiss him in front of the team or his family he BLUSHES

spoiler alert!!: you do it on purpose

if you wear his hoddies with dinosaurs he will die

He made a playlist with songs that remind him of you and songs that are important to both of you, but he named it "ant" because according to him, you are similar to them, small and insignificant 💀

he's good at killing romance

Despite that, he is the person who listens to you the most and pays attention to details.

When he sees you cheering for the team with one of his shirts he can't help but be a bit surprised, even though he doesn't want to accept it, you know that volleyball is important to your boyfriend

At first he is a bit distracted, but after thinking more clearly his blocks become the strongest iron wall

his favorite moment with you is in the afternoons when you both return home from school with the sunset in the distance and he holds your hand tight

You give him the peace of mind that he sometimes needs when his thoughts don't leave him alone.

NISHINOYA YUU

please let's talk about this man

he can't believe you love him

you are too perfect

you are his pretty girl

HIS pretty girl

whenever he thinks about it he CRIES

he takes you to practices and matches just so everyone knows he has a girlfriend, a very beautiful one

whatever you do (art, writing, sport, acting, singing, etc) he is very proud of you

dating Nishinoya is actually an adventure

he is a very effusive person and never stays in his comfort zone

he will try to do whatever he likes and catches his attention, nobody can stop him

This also applies to you

your dates are weird

he invited you to his house just to cook and taste sour food -u both almost set the house on fire-

he took you to TOKYO just to go to Alice in Wonderland's cafe

You still remember the day you asked him for your notebook and he handed you his backpack, but when you opened it, many bags full of gummies came out everywhere

you don't know what to expect from this boy and that's why you love him

he is a very loving person by nature

his hands will always be on your waist, always wants to feel you close

the warmth in his chest that you make him feel no one else does

he loves when you kiss him surprisingly, he will follow the kiss immediately

even when all he wants to do is rest, he lets you sleep on top of him

when you call him super libero he really feels like one, even if he is very tired

you are one of the biggest pillars of his motivation and the best person he could meet ♡

KOZUME KENMA

Before dating, he was very shy with you and could never talk to you if Kuro was not with you

not because he didn't want to, the words got a lot on his tongue and he didn't know what to do in front of you

kuro clearly helped this boy

you had to confess first but that doesn't really matter because from that day on you are both very happy

You don't know how to explain it, but you both have a strange telepathy, you always know what the other is thinking or going to say.

You can't lie to him, he always ends up finding out

your dates are in the arcades and buying a lot of rare KitKat to test them with Kuro

and you only have dates when you make sure you have all your homework done because sometimes you forget about school 💀

you always try new dyes in your hair and he always helps you

he knows that you don't do it to like him

however he likes you a lot no matter what you do

you are the only person with whom he seeks physical contact very often

He doesn't know why but kissing you always feels very good for him

when he kisses you, his whole body relaxes

kisses you whenever he can

love to see the blush on your face

you love when your boyfriend talks to you about a new game, he looks so excited it makes your heart melt

If you are not very good at playing a video game he will help you without hesitation

you can never beat him, after all he taught you

you guys always end up playing until 8 in the morning on weekends, please get some sleep 💀

He loves when you sit on his lap and he can cross his arms around your waist, he would stay there all day because there is no more calm and peace than that moment

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI

he is a big teddy bear

whenever he can and has time, he listens to you carefully

Every time he doesn't understand something you say to him, he will ask Tendo with genuine confusion in his voice.

You are one of the few people that he really pays attention to and cares

he is not good at interpreting the feelings of others and the way he does not understand everyday things between your friends makes you laugh

he is a big baby

you are his wallpaper

Whenever he hugs you from behind, he leans his chin on your head, he saw it in other couples and he found it cute

He loves to see you with his shirts because they fit you better than him

He is struck by the way you dress, he says it is very striking and cute

The kind of boyfriend who would take you out to eat at restaurants

always makes sure you eat really well and exercise because he says the body needs it, even if he is away

The best thing about dating him is that he does not feel embarrased if you kiss or hug him in front of someone, he does not care what others think at all

He feels embarrased of the fact that he always thinks about kissing you, and that never happened to him with anyone

He does not think about it too much either, if he wants to kiss you, you want to and you are at the right time, he will simply do it

No matter what your personality is, he is attracted to you, he always says things that he never thought he would say to someone who is not Tendo

The truth is that you are as important to him as volleyball, and when you go to see him at matches without notifying him, he just freezes for a second.

Your stuning smile and the euphoria on your face makes his whole body go beyond his capabilities, he feels unstoppable when you are there smiling for him

He does not understand much even about his own feelings, but the hours after the game, when you are next to his tired body, lightly caressing his face, make him feel very happy.

🦋🦋🦋

well ... I didn't like this headcanon so much, but I didn't hate it either, I hope you like it more than I do ;)

#haikyuu!!#tobio headcanons #kenma x reader #nishinoya x reader #ushijima x reader #ushijima headcanons #tsukishima hcs #tsukishima kei #kenma headcanons #tobio imagine #nishinoya yuu #ushijima wakatoshi

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agendratum · 4 years

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you're 4 and you're very confused. a man with a gentle smile leads you away from the doctors when you're finally allowed to leave. the doctors call him zewu-jun, so you start calling him that too.

zewu-jun leads you to your room. you don’t remember this room but he tells you that it’s yours now. you don’t want to stay alone in there. you feel like crying for some reason. with a gentle smile on his face zewu-jun promises you that he will be nearby, he will always be nearby if you need him. you trust him for some reason.

later zewu-jun introduces you to an old man who always frowns his brows. zewu-jun calls him uncle. everyone else calls him master lan. you don’t like the way he frowns his brows all the time or the way his face gets sad when he looks at you. you don’t call him anything.

you're 5 and zewu-jun tells you that he wants to share a secret with you, but you can’t tell anyone. you feel really important because by this time you learn that zewu-jun is a sect leader, and he must really trust you if he wants to share a secret with you. you promise not to tell anybody. so zewu-jun leads you to the edge of cloud recesses, to a small lonely house. that’s where he introduces you to a man you have never seen before. somehow, he looks familiar. or maybe it’s just because he kind of looks like zewu-jun. zewu-jun calls him wangji. for some reason you want to call him rich-gege. you do not call him that.

the man you do not call rich-gege does not move much. he does not have the same gentle smile that zewu-jun has. but when he looks at you, you feel safe. and sad.

you’re 6 and you make a friend. he’s the first person to say out loud that master lan’s furrowed brows make him look scary. he’s loud and cheerful and when he’s around you don’t feel sad. but you still remember about the secret and you don’t tell anyone. not even your friend. not even if it makes you feel bad.

you're 7 and you finally see the man you do not call rich-gege again. he's outside his little house now. you’re happy that you don’t need to keep this secret anymore, but not for long. you notice that adults don’t talk about his little house or why he was away. they’re playing this confusing game where they pretend he’s never been away at all. you hear whispers, but no one says anything out loud. not even your friend. but at least he’s as confused as you are.

zewu-jun still calls him wangji, and so does master lan. your peers call him hanguang-jun. no one ever calls him lan zhan. you are certain you never heard anyone call him lan zhan. and yet, you hear someone calling this name in your head, in a voice you somehow know. a loud, ringing voice. you do not know whose voice it is. you're certain you have never heard this voice before.

you’re 8 and hanguang-jun is putting a bunny on your lap. the bunnies are not a secret but you have never seen anyone but you and hanguang-jun around these parts of cloud recesses. the bunnies are not a secret but you know that pets are not allowed in cloud recesses. you ask hanguang-jun why the bunnies are here then. “the rules should only be followed if they make sense” is the answer. you agree. doesn’t make sense not to have pets. and you like these bunnies. why doesn’t zewu-jun go with you to see bunnies? “ if zewu-jun wants, he can come with us one day.” can your friend also come with you? “your friend can come with us as well.”

you laugh when hanguang-jun puts another bunny on you. you see hanguang-jun smile.

you’re 9 and you learn that sometimes adults talk without saying any words. you learn it when you see the way master lan frowns his brows at hanguang-jun, the way hanguang-jun looks away, the way zewu-jun signs. but no one says a word. you think that they must be talking about the little house hanguang-jun spent so much time in. you think that because no one ever talks about that. but you still hear whispers.

you’re 10 and your friend asks you why hanguang-jun was so angry today. you look at him, surprised, because hanguang-jun wasn’t angry, he was just making a joke. your friend looks back at you, confused. “but he looked so angry, didn’t he?” he didn’t. he looks very different when he’s angry.

that’s how you learn that not everybody spends so much time listening to adults’ silent conversations.

you’re 11 and you find yourself at the cold springs. you’re not supposed to be here, but you got lost in your thoughts and your feet led you to them. you want to go back but then you notice a familiar figure. it’s hanguang-jun. he’s standing still in the healing water of the cold springs, but it’s something else that catches your eye. there are lines on his back. you move slowly, carefully, not making any noise. you’re not supposed to be here but you can’t turn away for some reason. you see them clearly now. the scars.

you turn around and run. you’re not supposed to run around cloud recesses. you’re not supposed to talk about hanguang-jun’s little house in cloud recesses.

that’s how you learn that it’s not the only thing you’re not supposed to talk about in cloud recesses.

you’re 12 and you learn that sometimes adults say one thing but mean another. they also can be very, very, very rude. but if they mask it well enough, they will still sound polite. that is how sect leader jiang is. you learn that because hanguang-jun’s expression shifts and he’s angry, he is really angry. he doesn’t do anything though. you think that sect leader jiang wants him to do something, so he continues to be mean.

you don’t get it, but you remember it.

you’re 13 and you still have nightmares. they come with darkness and thunder, rain and shouts, faces flashing by, almost familiar, almost like you know them, like you can reach out and catch them, but they just disappear in an endless rain, their voices drown out by the thunder. you wake up, not remembering a single face. you want to cry for some reason. you know you’re too old to run to hanguang-jun because of a nightmare, but you can’t sleep, so you let your feet lead you to his house. coming closer you hear a melody. you’re certain you have never heard it before. you’re certain that somehow it sounds familiar. it makes you feel safe, it calms your mind. you stay like that, outside, not wishing to disturb hanguang-jun, until you feel your heart calm down completely. then you head back.

you’re 14 and there is a scary tale that parents tell their children when they misbehave. the tale is about a demon, a dark figure with red glowing eyes that moves through the night without making a single noise, steals children that don’t listen to their parents from their homes and drags them into its lair deep in the burial mounds.

most people call this tale, this person, yiling laozu. hanguang-jun calls him wei ying. master lan calls him wei wuxian in an intonation you have never heard from him before. that is not something you’re supposed to hear.

this happens when you learn about the lure flags for the first time. hanguang-jun meets master lan’s gaze and there is fire in hanguang-jun’s eyes. you feel scared, but not of hanguang-jun or master lan. you feel scared of things they don’t talk about. you feel scared of conversations adults have without saying any words.

you’re 15 and you decide that if adults can’t do it, you will speak for them.

and so you do. the next time sect leader jiang decides, for some reason, to find a hidden far away line of hanguang-jun’s patience, you step up. there is a gentle smile on your face, the same smile that zewu-jun always has when he wants to calm someone’s heated debate. miraculously, it works. so from now on, you speak whenever hanguang-jun doesn’t.

you’re 16 and you think that, maybe, it’s less of a miracle and more of a logical outcome. not everyone spends so much time listening to adults’ silent conversations. not everyone can see through zewu-jun’s polite smile and notice how tired he is. not everyone can see through hanguang-jun’s cold demeanor and understand how much is going through his mind at the moment. not everyone is allowed close enough to see the sadness in master lan’s eyes when he looks at you. not everyone can say that zewu-jun once shared a secret with them. not everyone knows as many secrets as you do.

so it’s really not a miracle. it makes sense when you know what to say or how to smile in a way so it always reaches your eyes. all of it really makes sense.

you’re 17 and zewu-jun seems to be lost in thoughts when he suddenly tells you, "i miss the times when you were asking a lot of questions. you seem so quiet these days when you don't have to work as wanji's interpreter." there is a smile on his face, a gentle familiar smile with a tint of sadness in it.

you think about all the questions you're not sure you can ask. could zewu-jun be the one to give you the answers? but no, you don't want to worry zewu-jun more than he already is. so you think about other questions, safer ones. you find out that you still have a lot of them. and when a question seems a bit straight-forward or out of place, jingyi is always right there next to you, ready to be a loud voice others simply cannot disregard.

you’re 18 and there are still questions you can’t ask.

you’re 19 and you still have nightmares. they are duller now, quieter. but they are still here.

you’re 20 and you meet a man everybody considers crazy. you can clearly see he is not. everyone calls him names. you call him young master mo. he has a bright smile and a loud voice, and when he’s beside you, you feel safe. you’re certain you have never met him before.

you’re … ... and you’re trying to sleep. it’s dark and uncomfortable and you keep hearing noises from the outside, like something is creeping just behind the door. then you hear a melody. a flute. you know this sound. you know what it means. you are safe. you finally fall asleep.

you’re 20 and you ask jingyi if he remembers his childhood, the early parts of it, anything before he was around four. he tells you that there is not much to remember that early in life. maybe he's right. maybe there is not much to remember. is there?

you’re ... ... and you're wrapped tightly in a blanket, secured on somebody's back. it almost feels safe if not for the terrible rain, and the terrible cold, and the terrible thunder that strikes as you almost fall asleep. and the terrible people, those terrible terrible people. you miss your warm bed, you remember there was a warm bed once. you miss your sister. you remember you had a sister. once.

you’re 20 and you meet a man everybody considers a monster. you can clearly see he is not. everyone calls him the ghost general. you call him wen-xiansheng. he speaks in a quiet voice and looks at you like he knows you. you are not certain you have never met him before.

you’re … … and a butterfly is flying over your head. you’re laughing as someone’s pale hands lower the butterfly so you can catch it. you’re holding it now, it’s as pretty as it was the first day you saw it, one of its wings is only a little bit broken. you hear someone call, “a-yuan!” holding the butterfly as high as you can you run towards the voice. you almost trip on your way there, but before you can fall you’re caught. “a-yuan, be careful”, your aunt’s voice, always so stern, softens a little bit just for you.

you’re 20 and as you stand in the middle of the road, wiping tears off your cheeks, you finally get your answers. well, most of them anyway. but most importantly, now, with hanguang-jun, wen-xiansheng and wei-qianbei next to you, you finally remember who you are. you are lan sizhui and you are wen yuan, and you will not let it be taken from you again.

#ok this turned out a bit longer than i thought it would be #i just think about a-yuan a lot ok #i even reread this one but i'm also half-asleep #so no promises that this is not a mess #also no capitalisation again #and look at me trying to do math #in a story where math and time doesn't exist #cql #the untamed #sizhui #lan sizhui #lwj #lan xichen #wen ning #wwx #lan jingyi #lan qiren #jiang cheng #fics

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leamy-world · 3 years

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Reaction to The Devil Judge (spoilers for ep. 11-12)

Hello everyone! I hope you’re doing well this week!

Here we go! Again i’m really sorry for the english & my personal interpretations which might go a little bit overboard (❁´ω`❁)

THIS GOT VERYYYYYYYYYY LONG PLEASE BEAR WITH ME!!!!

tldr: i am in shambles haha

Have a nice week and take care! ♥

- Huckleberryfinn’s new OST, The Nights, was released this saturday and it’s truly a gem! The guitar/bass’s place in BOTH OSTs they composed is awesome. The lyrics destroyed me haha (i’ll shortly talk about it below!). The soundtrack during these two episodes was awesome btw ;;

- Sun-Ah’s visit to the mansion felt nostalgic and shattering at the same time, she sees she doesn’t belong in this house but still indulges a little in this illusion, « wanting to fall for his trick even just for a little while ». Her expression made me feel for her for a little while too ;;

This shot above is funny because the bokeh effect (✨ the little sparkles ✨) is used in the background every time but this time it plays in front of Sun-Ah’s view: she sees in Yohan and his mansion a « shining » thing she desired for a long time. The bokeh here served also as a transition to the flashback right after.

Well, it could just be the streetlights’ reflections on the car and me reaching but there are so many symbolic visual shots in this show already i just couldn’t dismiss it in my brain haha

I liked Sun-Ah’s depiction of her choice to go against Yohan: she drops the necklace (symbolizing Yohan, this scene followed by Yohan’s cross-like scar) and not herself, like she did in the past for/because of Yohan when she was a maid + Yohan’s reflection disappears, Sun-Ah only focusing on herself: the ‘us’ she wanted for some time disappeared. And this event makes Sun-Ah’s rage on K more upsetting than it already is, but maybe i’m reaching haha

This scene also shows Yohan and Sun-Ah want two different directions to their relationship: to use her and to have him reach the top by her side respectively. They both look at the mirror, but their focus is different and they’re set in different plans on the shots.

In My Mister, (SPOILERS) the wife has a serious affair with her husband’s superior, but throughout the drama, they have divergent opinions on their affair’s developments: the wife wanted to leave her husband and settle with her lover, while the latter didn’t think any of it and, among other plot reasons, only wanted her because married women are the ‘safest choice (ending the relationship while she still loves him would be more troublesome) and always kept the affair secret’.

This was particularly symbolized by their song preferences, but also by this shot in the beginning of the series: after the wife shared her hopes about their relationship (and her lover staying most of the time silent), they both look to the distance (their affair’s metaphorical future) but their eyes almost never look in the same direction.

- « I did it because i need you (by my side?) », Sun-Ah and Gaon’s parallels:

"[To Gaon on ep. 8] I wanted you to be by my side.”

“[To Gaon on ep. 5] I don’t need you to understand, but you need to make a decision. Will you stand in my way … or stand on my side?”

"[To Gaon] If i needed to, i would’ve done something even worse. Whether it was switching him or something else.”

- When Elijah and Gaon play jenga, Yohan might have let the door to his bedroom open (even after leaving them the first time) to continue hearing them have fun in the living room. It parallels to the scene in ep. 5 where he watches them play in the garden with Kkomi through the little gap of his curtains: what piques his curiosity first is the playful conversation he hears from his bed even from the closed windows. The flashback explains it all and i’m glad Gaon insisted to have him play with them despite the front he tried to put on, Elijah’s and Yohan’s expressions in this scene ended me ;;

Look how quick he turned his attention to Gaon, as if he waited for something to happen, to get to play with them!! His eyes lit up in an instant i can’t with this —

I loved how Yohan delayed his defeat to Elijah by asking Gaon questions about the game hahah

Elijah and Yohan’s relationship growth here reminds me of 2 parallels i didn’t catch the first time (but the desperation i felt when Gaon left because everything could grow cold again between Elijah and Yohan):

“That’s everything i think about”:

Elijah getting in & out of the car (ep. 6-9):

- And Gaon’s « Once everything is over, i’ll definitely … » — you’ll definitely what, please tell the audienceeeeeeee ;;;; this screams a death flag for Soohyun (or was it just foreshadowing their confrontation in ep. 12? idek anymore haha), but let’s hope it’s not!!

- After CKH’s suicide: we can’t expect people to make perfect choices every time they are challenged, and i think this story shows it well: Soohyun when she was with Elijah, and now Gaon carelessly touching the minister’s body for the files. As judges, they could have searched the body and the room using a fabric to hide their presence. But they’re both shocked: Yohan looks dumbfounded, standing and watching (even though he’s quicker to react when he sees Soohyun and he puts on a composure at the house saying it was ‘nothing’, he looked very sour when Sun-Ah called him to rejoice in her death) and Gaon panic-stricken. The fact he might have relived his parents’ suicide when he discovered the Minister’s body … And in the worst way possible (in a daze, searching her dead body for her files and realizing he didn’t give the body minimum respect) … oof

At least Yohan could have thought about it since the story shows how prepared he is in his plans, but this scene shows even him is at a loss at what to do. After all, the minister was the way he targeted to bring everyone linked to the foundation down. They were so close, i think he was too convinced her « self-pity » would mean her survival despite everything (« Do you have any other options? ») to see what was coming. After all, when they last met, he saw she was about to shoot him.

Sun-Ah was the only one he thought was ‘unpredictable’. When Gaon talked to CKH, he let him speak and approved his speech, surely thinking everything went along his plans and the minister would surrender. And i think that’s also why he gives Gaon all this speech, to reassure himself and them, since they work now as a team.

- Ep. 9 foreshadowing ep. 11 and 12 (Soohyun facing Yohan and Gaon). It’s interesting how the two shots from ep. 9 seem to put on the same plan the three characters, as if Yohan is literally standing between Soohyun and Gaon, as if he was the one protecting/separating him from Soohyun. This is very telling of the whole dynamic between those three.

- When the minister said she didn’t want to clear her name regarding her son in the live but still does so anyway, this is pure preterition haha! It’s also why she reminds the public opinion the first case Yohan handled!

- Cha Kyung Hee’s demise (ep. 11-4 parallels):

(+ a cinematographic reference to the 2000 movie Malèna, which was recently used in Hwasa’s MV for the song Maria)

- The scene right after where Soohyun wipes Gaon’s involvement to the suicide was moving in regards to her character, we get to see how torn she is by this situation + when she faces off Yohan in the parking (and the ‘let go’ could also have referred to Gaon) … i felt bad for her!

- About Soohyun & the professor: I find interesting the way the professor and Soohyun shelter Gaon’s existence was clearly shown with these two episodes and through their rage. At the beginning of the drama, their hold on his life’s values and choices was almost impalpable but not anymore, now that they’re facing Yohan’s threat.

In these shots, Soohyun looks like she is covering Gaon’s ear, turning him away and protecting him from outside (from the pain, Yohan, the rest of the world).

And on professor Min’s part, it’s almost infantilizing, de-responsibilizing Gaon to say the least (« What are you making Gaon do? That child has been through so much. He suffered and struggled through the worst to get there. »), given he’s the one who planted him on the court’s bench to find what’s happening behind the scene: he could have asked Gaon for explanations (as Yohan underlined, « Did you hear it from Gaon himself? ») but he just snaps at him. He should have foreseen that he could’ve taken Yohan’s side.

For his defense, his family just got targeted but still, it’s the first time Gaon came back since then!

(By the way, that whole conversation with professor Min confirmed to Yohan Gaon didn’t admit to their plan to Soohyun nor the professor)

As for Soohyun, her deep concern for Gaon makes her antagonize Yohan and, in her POV, it’s pretty understandable: her friend got locked up in this judge’s house for days with no phone or permission to go out + said judge seems to not let her niece go out with her new friends, got violent against Gaon + he seems to be plotting something behind the trials he biased + Gaon’s description of the man in the first episodes wasn’t that nice but DESPITE IT ALL her friend still seems to be empathizing with him?

She’s maybe thinking he got manipulated by Yohan given the evil picture he depicted her & must feel helpless in front of Gaon’s sudden change of heart. I think that’s what she wanted to ask him when she got cut by the professor’s arrival. The lack of honest conversation between them is what’s making it worse: on one hand, Gaon goes to her every time he feels sad or confused to get comfort & advice without telling what truly is going on (or eventually telling her when she insists), on the other hand, Soohyun always tells him to give up his investigation on Yohan and never asks him his point of view to understand the situation.

And she discovered he lied about him not being involved with this man in the worst way possible, finding him by CKH’s body with Yohan. He was her reason to dedicate her life to protect people under the law (he does not owe her anything in no way, but it was her wish), and she ended up dirtying her hands for him. Her gut reaction to her moral principles being violated by both Gaon and her right now is stronger than wanting to hear the truth from Gaon. She continues to investigate Yohan on her own, to protect him. It was interesting to see this sententious side when she confronted Gaon after all this! The only time Soohyun saw him cry and didn’t support him, it hits hard ;;

But i believe the whole crisis that’s happening by the end of ep. 12 will make them team up again at least for a while. And on that note, will she meet Sun-Ah? It would be interesting!

I’m glad the professor raised as a concern on the live trials the due process & fair trial, which are essential for the rule of law to prosper.

In fact, the live trials slowly become a place of majoritarianism/ochlocracy/mob rule as the cases progress (the two best examples being the actor and Juk Chang cases), the protests against professor Min are another example. Even if Yohan has the last word on the defendant’s sentence, this issue is still there.

Maybe the viewers’ voice will turn against Yohan one day?

- The minister … Even though the story showed us how cruel her family could be, i can’t help but feel sympathy for her son with her suicide. And that is accentuated by the fact her family’s grief is not even showed, covered by the mediatic chaos. She could have fled the country as her son suggested, but she thought she was « nothing » without her accomplishments and her path to glory. As the former president of the foundation killed by Sun-Ah’s hands, she died in her office as the Minister of Justice, while her image wasn’t torn to shreds yet. The photograph she held showed her at the center and, ironically, it’s the only figure from the photo who is clear-cut, her husband and her son are out of focus (or it could just be the episode’s image quality misleading me haha). Even though she loved them (well, at least in her manner, which was kind of narcissistic tbh), she cared too much for her success and her death was her act of self-pity.

- This isn’t the first time Gaon was warned about Yohan and i find it interesting it’s the people closest to him that say that, especially K despite (or precisely because?) his loyalty to him. Elijah also warned him before.

- The whole argument … It’s a progression of ep. 5 & 8 scenes (’will you stand in my way or stand on my side?’ & ‘i wanted you by my side and if i needed to, i would’ve done something worse’). You can tell how desperate Yohan was when he reached out to Gaon. His gaze faltered, showing his hesitation to do it, but as the realization he was going to lose him dawned on him, this touch became a necessity in front of the exigency, making up for everything he couldn’t say out loud. It was a sad & hurtful mess. Yohan truly looked short on ‘arguments’ after Gaon’s question (‘what kind of monster am i turning into?’), he seemed to not even know what to say to make him stay, making him pause before talking about Soohyun.

The way his eyes lit up, almost smiling, full of hope, when he finished laying his ultimatum and how he regained a composed expression, thinking Gaon would take his side maybe?

I didn’t catch it on the first time, but Gaon’s sadness to end/put a hold on their collaboration (thus their whole relationship, stepping out of his life) transpired through him weakly rejecting Yohan’s hand with his own hand sliding down the latter's arm, as if he was unwilling to let this life with the Kangs go. You can see it’s hard on him to leave with the tears in his eyes.

I think Gaon’s response outran his thoughts, as a quick riposte, it was to make Yohan stop this. The way things went (well, it escalated QUICKLY), hurting him like that was the only effective way, and he knows it will hurt him: before saying Soohyun is his world, he tears up because of that (in addition to everything Yohan said and it was A LOT), and didn’t even have the strength/will to get angry like all the previous times:

the fact Yohan laid this very ultimatum and wanted to persuade/manipulate him into thinking this was the only choice. Even if he knew Yohan would be capable of doing this since ep. 7-8 (”To achieve his goal, would he not use another man’s pain? If the devil really did exist among us.”), he got a confirmation and it still hurts.

+ the fact he knows he has to hurt him with something as much as hurtful before he takes it too far.

+ the fact he knows he can’t live in this house any longer because of this argument when he made all these memories with them.

And (let’s hope for it) if Gaon wants to show Yohan there’s another way out of this ultimatum, Gaon’s « Soohyun is my world » might be a counter ultimatum (‘to stay by your side, you’ll have to deal with my world because there must be another way, there is no question, or else you’ll have to deal on your own’). He’s still not said anything to Soohyun (well, he didn’t have the opportunity to anyway but even during their confrontation, when she asked for details, he said nothing) nor the professor, so maybe that’s it?

- « Of course it doesn’t matter to me, but … » ELIJAH NOOOOOOOO ;;;;;;;;; After Yohan, Elijah tries in her way to hold Gaon back — and she makes a valid point tbh (look at what happened by the end of the episode!), but seeing her putting all her efforts and realizing it’s failing is heartbreaking … Given the preview for ep. 13, please let me hope this conversation won’t be their last one!!

- Utter devastation when the next scenes show how Gaon still shines even in his absence: the « You never apologize » + the scene with the nanny & Gaon’s last prepared meal + Gaon’s portrait by Elijah … ugh

- Elijah’s painting game is too strong, can’t relate haha! I wish they could show the BTS for this painting, respect for the artist behind!!

- On metaphorical images, Gaon took care of the Kangs like he tended to his plants at home. On a regular basis, he provided them attention and care, making them lively as his plants got lush. On ep. 8, we got a shot of Elijah smiling at Gaon’s plants, sort of a confirmation she loved how their house became warmer since Gaon’s stay, which led her to open up to his uncle.

- Now they’re only four! It looks like the mafia game haha, i look forward (am i though?) to the day Sun-Ah sits by herself haha

AND THIS MAN

This is true pig behavior, especially considering Sun-Ah’s past … I felt her reaction when he said all this bs to demean her, she had all her struggles with men thrown back to her face, soiled by these « jokes ».

- The monsters, the abyss and Nietzsche:

« He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee. », Nietzsche

- « I don’t care if humanity falls, as long as i have you two ». It was what he wouldn’t say to Gaon nor Elijah, and yet they’re his world! This sequence parallels Gaon’s inner wish when he leaves the Kang’s house + the flashbacks of his fond memories with the Kangs. Will Yohan give his vigilante ideals up for them? Will Gaon pursue this dream but in his own way that won’t threaten their « worlds »?

(Now we know what his whole world meant)

- The light from the chandelier (ie. their newfound family) is out of Yohan’s (metaphorical) reach, shown by its blurred silhouette, as if it’s gone from the room which regained its initial colder tones. But it’s not: once it’s made its way in the room, it remains and lingers, as a keepsake of the lost warmth. His fond memories with Gaon and Elijah flashed back through the window’s light.

On a similar note, Gaon’s room, albeit having warmer tones than the Kang’s ones since the beginning, looks dark too. The contrast with earlier episodes is clear. This reminds me of My Mister’s (SPOILERS) full shots of Lee Ji An’s room, getting warmer as she gets to know Park Dong Hoon, and losing all its fond colors when she has to leave for his sake. As if the room and inanimate objects were given life by their owner, imbuing them with their feelings. It becomes an outer expression of their feelings. Sorry for the rambling but i just love when they do that in fiction, and i think it sometimes leaves more impact to the viewers if emotions are conveyed through various angles (eg. through another character’s point of view, sounds, looks, the use of light i mentioned below, etc) !

- I wonder … since the flashbacks are giving us Gaon’s conscious point of view on this separation, was he awake when Yohan came back from his (forced) encounter with Sun-Ah? It’s a really minor point but it could be an interesting detail since this show always shows us there are some sides or spots to the stories we didn’t have yet!

The jenga scene also flashed back but this time we see Gaon’s POV seeing Yohan’s smile & we got Gaon’s angle when Yohan had a nightmare in ep. 5: while from Yohan’s POV, Gaon’s irruption truly felt like an invasion of his intimacy (the quick succession of shots expressing his panic and defensive reaction), from Gaon’s POV only one angle showed the scene, the tension was conveyed only when Yohan slapped his hand away.

We also got Yohan’s POV when he admitted to Gaon he needed him by his side (and a closer look at Gaon’s troubled expression)!

- Ep. 5 and 11-12 parallels:

Yohan’s tentative look at Gaon and Elijah playing outside, as if he wanted to join them like in ep. 11, the curtains mainly closed and only pushed by one of his hands. It let the daylight in his dark room through this sneak peek.

But in ep. 12, the curtains are drawn, Yohan taking the (moon)light fully in. And this time, he doesn’t reach out to his late brother in the flames, but to the moonlight. He gets up, as in a trance, from his nightmare like the last time, but he goes to his window instead. And it reminds me of both Huckleberry Finn’s OST’s (in Tempest, « you said i’ll live in the sun / moonlight » and in The Nights, « my / your night shines on you / me »), the suffer is here. And see how the light reveals his tear? I nearly missed it!

The fact he could not find sleep anymore after this night + he slept on his sofa where the moonlight could be seen + has kept his phone right next to him (in case Gaon called him or to know if something happened to him) ➾ 🌝 pure devastation 🌝

- I really love the show’s use of light/dark tones to reveal and contrast its characters’ emotions! What you can’t see in the light gets revealed in the dark, and vice-versa. The OST The Nights touches on this subject as well.

And it ties up very well to the plot so far: everyone has his or her own motivations and intentions, background, and makes choices, but depending on the perspective, their story changes and sparks off different reactions. Everybody’s story is interconnected.

As @skylessnights pointed out, one of the books found during the series (when Yohan revealed his past to Gaon if i’m correct), The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy, depicts this angle well in its plot and epigraph: « Never again shall a single story be told as though it were the only one. » - John Berger.

When Gaon and Yohan go back to the mansion after CKH’s death, the route lights flash Gaon’s hands red, caught (literally) red-handed by Soohyun. He begins to recollect his recent memories of what just happened, and panics, short-winded, until Yohan touched his arm. He’s startled but calmed himself down, and we don’t hear him out of breath anymore. It’s interesting how the light’s focus was on Gaon’s hands, the core of his panic, until Yohan’s arm came into the light, as if our and Gaon’s attention went back to Yohan’s touch, his anchor in his panic, and begins to think clear-headed of what they had done. (btw, getting Phoenix Wright desperate vibes from Gaon’s pose haha)

Gaon’s emotions show when his phone lights up, trying to reach Soohyun again.

When Yohan’s inner wish brings him back to their happy times, the end of the flashback shows a shot of his eyes dazzled by the light of these memories and back to the present, the light now gone out from his eyes.

Yohan’s reaction to Gaon’s cry in the prison yard in ep. 7: what i loved to see was how his restraint told more about the emotions he held back. The light shifting on his face revealed his jaw clenching & frowned brows, his glassy eyes and him averting his gaze, which he often does when he’s in front of sensitive topics and it’s too much.

+ other instances he looked away:

When Jinjoo decides to accept the foundation’s offer, she steps into the dark side of the room where the two chairmen are. Up till now, she stood where the light could reach her, away from them. It symbolically seals her involvement with the foundation, and by the end of ep. 12, it is confirmed by her message on behalf of the foundation (about the plague) displayed on the screens. By the way, i love the fact so much things unfold while we focus on Yohan and Gaon’s story!

On the subject of ‘subjective’ truths, examples, besides the flashback with the priest about Yohan in ep. 11, could be the truth behind the cancellation of the donation by Yohan or Sun-Ah’s fall from the window when she was a maid. We got Sun-Ah, Elijah, and then later Yohan’s point of view.

- I think Gaon tried to call Soohyun and not Yohan (though the subs say otherwise) because the contact above has the ‘thug’ nickname with the fist emoji! It made more sense, Yohan would’ve answered right away! But i believe he will have regrets/worries in the next episodes (Yohan and Elijah seem to be getting in real danger so maybe he’ll come back to save them).

- Metatextuality in The Devil Judge — Beauty and the Beast (written by Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont & Disney’s 1991 animation movie)

I’ve always loved transtextual relationships between fictions, my french teacher in middle school gave us this passion haha! Ever since i read this interview translated by @deviljudge, it’s true i’m getting more and more Beauty and the Beast vibes, especially from ep. 12’s argument (and the whole premise Belle got locked up in the mansion in the beginning)! The original fairy tale and Disney’s adaptation are both relevant, some plot points differ from one another (Belle’s sisters vs Gaston, the mansion personnel turned into living paraphernalia) even though the core of the fairy tale is left untouched but for the sake of this bit, i’ll use the 1991 movie because its inevitably longer format delves more into the fairy tale moral lesson.

(Cheesy time incoming haha) The beast lets Belle go see her father he knew she deeply cared about, and let her go because he realized he loved her. He thought she would never come back, but despite it all, she came back and saved him from Gaston. Belle (Gaon) broke the spell that was casted on the mansion (the Kangs and their loneliness, especially when Yohan said he’s tired of this house). Yohan fails at not hurting the people he cares about but learns step by step, by Gaon and Elijah's side, how to live again and reconnect with his ‘human’ side.

Even the secretary looks like the modern version of the whole cast in the Beast’s mansion (Cogsworth, Lumière, …) haha

The movie intro is self-explanatory:

« Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish and unkind. But then, one winter’s night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old woman’s ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart. And as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there. Ashamed of his monstrous form, the Beast concealed himself inside his castle with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love a beast? »

Belle’s characterization in the movie is also interesting:

« With a dreamy, far-off look and her nose stuck in her book what a puzzle to the rest of us is Belle ».

« There must be more than this provincial life (…) I want adventure in the great wide somewhere — I want it more than i can tell — And for once it might be grand to have someone understand — I want so much more than they’ve got planned »

& when Belle got locked up in the mansion: « I’ve lost my father, my dreams, everything. » (similar to “Soohyun is my world”).

Gaon, since his parents’ death, lived his life believing in the illusion of justice the system gave him, along with Soohyun and professor Min, his two pillars who kept him steady this whole time. Once he was showed it was an illusion, he wanted to fight this world.

Before the movie’s climax, this conversation reminded me of ep. 12’s argument:

« - Belle? Are you happy here with me?

- Yes. [looks to the distance]

- What is it?

- If only i could see my father again just for a moment. I miss him so much.

- There is a way. This mirror will show you anything. Anything you wish to see.

- I’d like to see my father, please. [The mirror projects the image of his father in danger and sick] Papa. Oh no. He’s sick. He may be dying and he’s all alone.

- [Glances at the wilting rose] Then you must go to him.

- What did you say?

- I release you. You’re no longer my prisoner.

- You mean i’m free?

- Yes.

- Oh, thank you. Hold on Papa, i’m on my way.

- Take [the mirror] with you, so you’ll always have a way to look back and remember me.

- Thank you for understanding how much he needs me.

(…)

- I let her go.

- [Cogsworth] Yes, splen … You what? How could you do that?

- I had to.

- Yes but … Why?

- Because i love her. »

Yohan did nothing to hold Gaon back even if he needs him (as shown when he clutches his hands together after he left) because he was forced by Gaon to understand how precious Soohyun is to him, this point was already made multiple times in the series (when Gaon thought he was the one who pushed Soohyun in the stairs and already threatened him about it, when Gaon told him he couldn’t live as a conman in front of Soohyun and his parents). Since his ‘to have you by my side, i would have done worse if it was necessary’ + ‘this is a life or death situation, sacrifices are also necessary’, he seemed to think Soohyun was expendable in his own world, which he shared with Gaon. With this argument, his world looks definitely incompatible with the one Gaon described (« Soohyun is my world »), and even though they already went this far in their plan, he lets him go and respects his choice. Will it make him change for the better or for the worse? Will the whole ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ apply to him?

Other moments i found interesting to note:

« Come into the light »:

When Belle goes to save the Beast from the village:

« - Please, i know he looks vicious, but he’s really kind and gentle. He’s my friend. - - [Gaston] If i didn’t know better, I’d think you had feelings for this monster. - - He’s no monster, Gaston. You are! - - If you’re not with us, you’re against us. » (pretty similar to the professor’s rage in the hospital)

When Belle’s father goes to save her: « I don’t care what it takes. I’ll find that castle and somehow, i … I’ll get her out of there. » (when Soohyun talks about and to Yohan)

The Beast possessive behavior in the beginning of the story: « [To her father] She’s no longer your concern, take him to the village. » (similar to Yohan’s behavior towards Soohyun) & « [To Belle] The castle is your home now » (and towards Gaon)

A monster:

When the Beast observes Belle playing from afar:

- And i saw some Jane Eyre vibes (SPOILERS) from the whole fire haha + Wuthering Heights on Sun-Ah’s & Yohan’s mixed parts!

- And well … Sun-Ah’s character loosely reminds me of Simone in Nier Automata (which in itself is a reference to Simone de Beauvoir’s life and works), with the whole « I must become more beautiful / But he still won’t look my way », to whoever knows this game!

- These thigh boots holy hell Sun-Ah!!!! i loved this outfit!

- As soon as he said he didn’t feel anything from his revenge, K got the biggest death flag in this episode, i can’t believe they did this to the poor boy … When i asked for more scenes THIS isn’t what i meant aaaaaaaaaa

- A very random and weird note: Yohan’s almost silent and held back pain by the end of the ep. 12 fits his character so far, as well as his ‘calm’ tears. Given his past, it’s as if he’s always kept his pain bottled up and quietly bears it all and almost never got the space to properly let it all out (he had his brother, but with their father, i think they didn’t have this ‘chance’).

- My sick mind thought Sun-Ah was going to bring Gaon to the scene just in time for him to witness Yohan getting shot, but i guess it will be when she will get in the Kang’s mansion again according to the preview (since she asked Juk Chang for a « favor », i think they’ll knock Gaon out after beating him up for his own fun to leave him to Sun-Ah). Sun-Ah looked surprised when Jae-Hee shot him, so i guess only hurting K was part of the plan.

- The ‘I know i’m fucked’ look hahaha

+ the softer version:

- I now have BIG trust issues since these last episodes’ previews, and the cliffhangers kill me haha

- On another note, i find it amazing how Ji Sung and Kim Min Jung keep that upsetting atmosphere whenever there’s a scene between them that involves them and skinship, but it still conveys Sun-Ah’s complex feelings for Yohan and Yohan’s interest in her! The soundtrack really does a good job to convey that mood as well!

- In conclusion: How Dramatic do you want these two episodes to be? The devil judge: Yes

#the devil judge #tvn drama #my ramblings #got veeeeery long #i'm sorry

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shipcestftw · 2 years

Text

AUs where YB(Peter) is Your Brother

the Your Boyfriend fandom is already a gatekeeping mess let's see how much hate this can generate lol

I haven't even played this game this is based on what I know about the character from the fandom. I know he has a sister in canon but I just ignored her lol

and yes, this is sibling incest au. Y/N doesn't have to be you in particular I consider them their own character and also nonbinary (they/them). don't like don't read ;D

Where YB is the older one (age difference is up to you!):

before Y/N was born, he hated the idea of having a sibling. his parents put the new baby in his arms for the first time and he said "Ew, no thanks! Can I go now?"

he warmed up to being a big brother over time

Y/N and YB's parents were lousy and neglectful and YB had to make them breakfast and lunch sometimes, which was often just cereal

this was the time he switched to being more protective big brother

he still gave Y/N piggyback rides even when they were getting so heavy. Y/N was like "Are you sure I'm not too big?" and YB was like "No! I got this!"

(violence/blood tw) one day some kids bullied Y/N in school. YB heard them crying, listened, and then was like "OK, I'll be right back." he comes back and happily announces that he talked to the bullies and they switched schools and won't bother Y/N again. Y/N was so happy about that! but they later found a bloody knife that YB told them not to worry about

where YB and Y/N are twins:

due to his sharp teeth and creepy nature, everyone jokes about YB being the evil twin. Y/N laughs, but never actually thinks he's evil

YB cried when Y/N asked their parents about having separate rooms

Y/N sometimes wakes up to find YB sleeping next to them. they asked him "aren't we too old to share a bed?" and YB responded with "no way! we're never too old for sleepovers!"

where YB is the younger one (again, age difference is up to you, though I imagined Peter's age is 8 and Y/N is a teenager):

the creepiest most yandere AU unless you interpret the older YB AU as darker than I described

YB is a shitty irredeemable brat of a child lol

I admit this isn't even romantic I was just writing this for a laugh

YB insists on holding hands when crossing the street, even when he's getting a bit old for that

Y/N could be relaxing on the couch, and YB crawls on his lap, gets in his face and goes "Gimme a kiss or I steal your hat!"

YB takes every advantage of being an "innocent little kid" to touch Y/N inappropriately. Y/N has to keep pushing him off.

YB gives back Y/N's phone after stealing it. Y/N's like "what were you doing with my phone?" YB says he "took some pictures, so you can always think about me~." Y/N is horrified to realize the nature of these pictures and smashes the phone with a hammer, now getting a cell phone with no camera.

YB hates seeing Y/N going on dates and will resort to tattling if it means keeping his big sibling at home all to himself

Y/N tried to have a date at their house but that was a mistake, because YB insisted on tagging along and being creepy/annoying/stopping them from being alone. the worst part was that the date totally bought his act and thought he was just being a "cute protective little brother," but YB would kick Y/N under the table or wink at Y/N and Y/N hated it.

#your boyfriend #proship safe #antis dni

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classpect-crew · 3 years

Note

sorry if someone asked that already, but how was the journey to your own classpect?

No worries! I'm happy to answer. Long story short, it's been a very, very, very complicated journey that's actually still going! I'm of the opinion that Classpects aren't always static. Especially since so many of us are relatively young (I'm 25 myself, and a lot of my Classpect journey happened from around 19-23) we're still changing a lot and trying to figure ourselves out. Let's get the raw numbers out of the way, because this is kind of insane: I've actually identified with 35 different Classpects over the years. The Classes I identified with most were the Rogue (8 total) and the Maid (6 total), and the Aspects that appeared the most were, interestingly, Heart and Mind (5 each). But the real question is, where did it all begin?

My Classpect journey started in early 2015. I was sitting with friends in what we affectionately called "The Hidey Hole," part of an underground tunnel between our dorm rooms, and I stumbled the blog of @dahniwitchoflight which began my obsession with figuring out my own Classpect. I decided to comb through the Aspect pages one by one to figure out which one I connected with, and I found my answer in the section for the Rogue of Time, found here. The section that stood out in particular is this one:

"A Rogue of Time may become preoccupied with making things that they like last as long as they can, like wearing a favorite shirt to rags, or using a favorite pencil until it breaks, or trying to keep a pet alive as long as possible, things like that. They might even give up all their precious Time to other people, trying to make relationships or friendships last as long as possible."

I admit, I felt a bit called out, and I began to identify strongly with this Classpect—and I still do, to this day. I've always had an extremely strong connection to music, but my time management has been horrendous since I was young, giving me a complicated relationship with my Aspect. One key theme in the Rogue's journey that I also identify with is balance, which is further expanded upon on @godtiertalk's blog, which has been my main inspiration for the balance narrative. This is definitely a big reason why I later identified with seven other Rogues over the next few years, with my strongest connections being the Rogue of Life and the Rogue of Heart. Most of that time was spent combing any Classpect blog I could find for different interpretations, especially as I began to run my own blog here and exploring what these Classes and Aspects meant to me.

Life stood out to me, as someone whose energy levels are always in great flux, and also due to my nasty little habit of popping up through the cracks in the sidewalk of life despite years of devastating trauma. Life, uh, finds a way. Heart perfectly described my knack for understanding the feelings and deepest desires of people around me. I have a tendency to draw a sense of emotional honesty from people, and what they don't tell me themselves, I tend to intuit without much trouble. Yet, I struggle greatly with my own identity, which has changed so much throughout the years, and my growing collection of Classpect identities seemed to back that up.

Throughout the years, I flowed between Classpects, from the seemingly obvious Maid of Mind or Mage of Time to the out-of-left-field Prince of Rage. (I'm still not sure why that was a thing for me.) A lot of it actually came from running this blog, to be honest. Any time I'd dive into research for an ask I'd received, more often than not I'd begin relating very strongly with the Class or Aspect in question, if not both. This made for a lot of fascinating introspection and a deeper understanding of precisely what this blog is all about, but it was also frustrating to continue tripping into rabbit holes of self-exploration. Every new epiphany or connection I made seemed to point to some new, unexplored part of myself, and that manifested as a different Classpect identity. This was tempered only by my desire to go back to my roots as a Rogue of Time, for two reasons in particular. Firstly, I already had a Land and Quest planned out in excruciating detail—and I'm still very attached to the Land of Cadence and Fugue—and secondly, I trusted that my past self couldn't have been entirely wrong.

I finally compromised with both my nostalgic ties and my evolving self-identity and created the concepts of Archetypal and Organic Classpects, which you can read about further here. Put simply, my Archetypal Classpect would most likely remain the Rogue of Time, being the one I'd most likely receive in an actual game of Sburb. My Organic Classpect, meanwhile, would describe a more holistic approach to self-identity. It would be based around common themes I explore in my own life, being free to change as I do. Such Organic Classpects have included the Maid of Mind, Rogue of Life, and Sylph of Time.

In short, my journey has been a complicated one, but my approach certainly isn't for everyone. If you do like to dive headfirst into loads of research, though, I'd highly recommend the blogs I've mentioned, as well as optimisticDuelist's blog and YouTube channel, which have given me an excellent level of clarity on the origins and various interpretations of the Classes and Aspects. Of course, you're welcome to navigate the strange, often choppy waters of my blog as well, and feel free to ask further questions!

#anonymous #classpect #classpect analysis #organic classpect #archetypal classpect #classpect meta

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amphtaminedreams · 4 years

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The Women of Euphoria and Personal Style: Lookbook no.8

Hi to anyone reading,

I hope you’re well considering everything going on! It feels weird to want to talk about fashion or TV shows or red carpets or whatever when 90% of my Google searches are COVID-19 related but there you go. It’s all about trying to power through as normal (minus the social interaction) and pretend the world isn’t ending, right? Queue nervous laughter.

And as if things aren't shitty enough, production of season 2 of Euphoria has been postponed until further notice.

Okay, in the grand scheme of things, having to wait a bit longer for a TV show isn’t catastrophic but it does just about sum up the transition from 2019 to 2020 thus far that after HBO redeemed itself by broadcasting Euphoria in the summer following an ending to Game of Thrones that has made the whole series unrewatchable, the glimmer of hope in me reignited by the prospect of series 2 this year has been quickly dashed. 2021, I’m rooting for you, because it doesn’t seem like things are getting better any time soon, and in all seriousness, I think everyone needs a break from the collective suffering of the last few months.

For me (and undoubtedly for many others if the hundreds of makeup looks and styling videos are anything to go by), Euphoria’s effect on the world of fashion and beauty is unprecedented. I really can’t recall a TV show in living memory that has had as much of an impact on the way young people dress. I mean, this might partially be because the style of the characters already kind of caters to and draws from the target audience but also, aside from Blair Waldorf did anybody really give THAT much of a fuck about what anybody in Gossip Girl wore?

The draw of the styling on Euphoria is that it has something for everyone. The style of each of the main girls, Rue, Kat, Maddy, Jules and Cassie, all of whom I’ve attempted (emphasis on attempted!) to base (emphasis on base!) outfits around, is varied and distinctive but still so current and realistic at the same time. It’s also consistent; even if you don’t own the specific pieces worn by any of them, similar shapes and details reoccur enough in different looks throughout the series that it’s not hard to create an outfit which matches your favourite character’s overall vibe without buying anything new. That’s kinda what I have attempted to do here and without further ado, I’m gonna get on with it! First up:

Jules (Played by Hunter Schafer)

When it comes to whose style is the most experimental, Jules is the obvious answer. A lot of her outfits are what I imagine a cartoonist in the near-distant future will envision their cool girl protagonist wearing. Whilst her ensembles are generally whimsical and girly for the most part, there’s usually a few slightly punk-ish finishing touches thrown in there too be it through chunky shoes or bold makeup or that incredible mesh trench coat she wears in the series finale with the trans symbol on the back which, honestly, deserves a moment of silence.

There are definitely nods to current fashion trends sprinkled throughout her wardrobe too. I'm not going to lie, despite someone at work seemingly thinking it was an insult to tell me I look like someone who does (I still don’t know but this person has a Rick and Morty keyring so I don’t give it too much weight), I’ve never watched any anime. BUT, that being said, given the abundance of anime screenshots posted by all these aesthetic oriented Instagram and Tumblr moodboard accounts, I have a vague idea of what some of the more iconic characters look like and a lot of Jules’ looks seem to be very much modelled after or at least inspired by them. In a way, I see a lot of her looks as a blend between modern “e-girl”, Y2K skater chick (yes, I’m thinking early Avril Lavigne), and 2013 Tumblr “hipster” a la 2014 Joanna Kutcha and Charlie Barker, and though on paper that sounds like a nightmare combination, it works. I know-if that sentence were a Depop description I would’ve just gained 30 followers.

When it comes to my own interpretation of Jules’ style, it’s definitely something I like to channel when I’m putting together a proper OUTFIT outfit. Meaning an outfit I actually put effort into and thus will most likely want to get a good photo in, lol. The way her character dresses is almost quite Christopher Kane in that it’s fresh and unusual but still understated enough that I wouldn’t walk into a room wearing any of these feeling like I’m doing a Rick Owens runway.

I’m not TOO far out of my comfort zone but still at the same time, I’d be trying something new and maybe a little bit more zany than I'm used to. As for noting where any of these pieces are from, only a few have been bought in the last 6 months, but from left to right clockwise I have marked out those that have in case they’re still available (though be wary of the fact that it seems a lot of online clothes stores are still forcing warehouse employees to work in close confines at the moment and so perhaps aren’t operating the most ethically):

LOOK 1

Corset-Jaded London

Shoes-TK Maxx

LOOK 2

Dress-Motel Rocks

Boots-Koi Vegan Footwear

LOOK 3

Dress-Jaded London

LOOK 4

Dress-Jaded London

Beret-Ebay

LOOK 5

Beret-Ebay

LOOK 6

Mesh Top-Depop

Hair Clips-Urban Outfitters

Kat (Played by Barbie Ferreira)

Eurgh, Kat.

I LOVE THIS BITCH.

If I had to choose my favourite character in the show, it would be a very close toss-up between her and Rue, and though I think Rue might just about nab the top spot for her relatability factor, Kat is the girl I want to be or wish that I had been when I was at school. I mean, there’s definitely an argument to be made in that a lot of what she’s doing with her cam work could be seen as a means of validation (Sam Levinson has basically said everyone on the show has some kind of an unhealthy coping mechanism and I would guess due to the circumstances in which her cam girl career was borne and the fact she’s underage, this would be hers) but I do think in other ways we really see Kat reclaim her power and recognise herself for the smart, capable, gorgeous woman that she is. Honestly, the definition of divine feminine energy, and I would completely let Barbie Ferreira/basically Kat if she was also actually 23 dominate me.

Plus! Her! Style! Is! The! Bomb! Definitely the easiest character to base looks around because if I’m totally honest Kat’s energy is pretty much just what I want to emulate in every day life.

It’s either pieces that are typically feminine, cutesy, and even slightly preppy at times drenched in everything grunge OR vice versa where you have something semi-gothic and then add a colourful, more playful touch in there that harks back to the beginning of the series before Kat had began to explore her identity and sexuality and dressed slightly more Forever 21.

I’d say, not yet with my whole chest, that on a good day the outfits I put together when making an effort aren’t too far off something Kat would wear, minus the more overtly BDSM touches; if wearing a ring choker in London is enough to get me a creepy comment from a gross middle aged shopkeeper (because I apparently forfeited my right not to be perved on when I decided to buy a bottle of Oasis summer fruits), then you can only imagine the kind of looks wearing a full-on harness would get in my conservative OAP dominated hometown. Not the most doable right now, especially considering the only time I get out is to work and to go for a run. The chafing I could deal with but the horrified glares of pensioners whose M&S prawn mayo sandwiches I’ve ruined by simply being in their eyesight not so much.

LOOK 1-

Corset-Urban Outfitters

LOOK 2-

Bodysuit-Depop

Skirt-Zara

Harness-Ebay

LOOK 3-

Co-ord-Depop

Lace-up Corset-Missguided

LOOK 4-

Dress-Vintage

LOOK 5-

Belt-Ebay

LOOK 6-

Coat-Topshop

Dress-Jaded London

LOOK 7-

Fishnet Top-Ebay

Skirt-Urban Outfitters

Maddy (Played by Alexa Demie)

Not gonna lie, I was kind of scared to do Maddy. I’m scared to be posting this, lol! Alexa Demie has played this character for a single season and she’s already one of the most iconic women to grace our screens in years. This is a huge undertaking and I don’t have the bank balance or the body confidence (lmao) to raid IAmGia.

And this is where I want to stress: THESE ARE NOT OUTFIT RECREATIONS. THESE ARE INSPIRED BY. I HAVE ADDED ELEMENTS OF MY OWN STYLE INTO THEM. PLEASE DON’T DRAG ME. I KNOW, I’M NOT ALEXA DEMIE. I WOULD NEVER ASSUME TO BE ALEXA DEMIE. I’M NOT ABOUT TO TAKE THE LORD’S NAME IN VAIN LIKE THAT. So now we’ve got that out the way (wipes bead of sweat off forehead), let’s continue.

Everything about Maddy Perez is extra. She has very much been established as a centre of attention character, and her outfits are a key part of that. They’re daring, they’re hyper-feminine, and they are always glamorous. We’re told that she competed in beauty pageants when she was younger and it’s clear that level of excess and coordination and glitz and all-round-boujeeness wormed its way into her DNA during that time. Even the “depression” outfit she wears to school following Nate becoming violent at the fair is costume-like, a 2019 Bratz doll Off-White street style collaboration.

Do you know how HARD I had to try to be HOT!? For these photos. Alexa Demie is one of those blessed women who doesn’t have to try at all, and that translates into the character completely. At any given moment, Maddy could add or remove one item or clothing and be let straight into the VIP section of a club, and that, honestly, is inspiring to us all in these dark times.

One thing I tried to keep in mind is that she always looks polished and coordinated, I.E the kind of look I would prepare for a night out is something Maddy would wear on an average day. Co-ords and delicate prints seem to be more subtle wardrobe staples along with mesh and PVC and glitter and feathers and fur and basically anything that toes the line between expensive looking and tacky. Yes, I am aware we may toe different sides of that line but please let me stay delusional and believe that’s not the case for 5 minutes. Much appreciated xoxo

LOOK 1-

Bodysuit-Jaded London

LOOK 2-

Bralette-Depop

LOOK 3-

Co-ord Suit-Boohoo

Bodysuit-Boohoo

LOOK 4-

Dress-Motel Rocks

Shoes-Schuh

LOOK 5-

Bodysuit-Zaful

Trousers-Depop

Coat-Topshop

LOOK 6-

Dress-Zaful

Belt-Zaful

LOOK 7-

Top-Jaded London

Hair Clips-H&M

Rue (Played by Zendaya Coleman)

I have a complicated relationship with Rue as a character. When I started season 1 of Euphoria, I was like “Oh my god, this girl is the worst. Jesus, she’s so negative and draining and willingly self-destructive and-”

Then, oh my god is this what it’s like to live with me!?

I will say, to my own credit, that I don’t think I've ever been quite as hard to deal with as Rue (a lot less smashing stuff up and a lot more moping), and to HER credit, by the end of the season we come to realise she’s been through a fucking lot and so it makes sense, but wow. I don’t think I have ever seen a teen show handle drug abuse and mental illness in such a brutal way. It’s quite a talent to be able to show a character cause so much pain to those closest to them and yet do so through a sympathetic lens. And issues aside, whether it’s her occasional social awkwardness or her relationship with her family or watching bloody Love Island (still quite surreal to see Zendaya Coleman witnessing the Amy/Curtis drama unfold), Rue is just my favourite character to follow.

Her style, though. AH. The thing is, I can hardly drag it, because it’s pretty much what I wear when I’m moping about the house-or just any time I can get away with it to be honest-to a T. I want to stay true to character, but that being said, creating a “Seth Rogen”-esque outfit that’s worth posting on here is difficult. So, with the same kind of artistic license that had me wearing berets whilst cosplaying Maddy Perez, here is the best I could do:

I know, I know, it’s probably too much colour and jewellery for Rue but this is as toned down as I could do and I tried to stick with the key silhouettes we see from her throughout the season; I mean, I can’t see her wearing leopard print but the structure of the coat in outfit 1 is very similar to the one seen in Shook Ones pt.II. I think the bottom line when it comes to her character is keeping things effortless and not overly-feminine; you want to mix street style, athleisure and your dad’s wardrobe favourites like your life depends on it. Plus messy hair and smudged makeup, both of which I’ve already got down according to the completely inappropriate number of customers who’ve asked if I'm tired at work so thanks for that guys, and glitter tears. Lots and lots of glitter tears.

OUTFIT 1-

Dungarees-Vintage

OUTFIT 2-

Trousers-Depop

Cardigan-Urban Outfitters

OUTFIT 5-

Beanie-Depop

OUTFIT 6-

Shirt-Boohoo Man

Sports Bra-TK Maxx

Trousers-Urban Outfitters

OUTFIT 7-

Shirt-Jaded London

Cassie (Played by Sydney Sweeney)

Style-wise, Cassie is a hard one. When putting outfits for her character together, I found myself gravitating towards a direction that’s probably a bit too bohemian for her character, under the guidance of loose terms like “girl-next-door”, “floaty”, “delicate”, you get the idea. She definitely feels the least fully-realised in terms of all the main girls and I think it’s fair to say she’s probably got a bit of self-discovery to do. Most of her storylines in the season are dictated by her relationships to other people: McKay, Maddy, Lexie, her parents and so on.

Nevertheless, I tried to stick to the airier, more traditionally “pretty” pieces whilst still channelling the confidence and ease with which Cassie pulls them off. Sydney Sweeney has the most incredible figure and I feel like whilst the clothes the on-set stylists put her in flatter that and don’t hide anything, they’re still the focus. It doesn’t feel like there’s anything more inherently sexual about her character than any of the other main female characters despite the way the men within the narrative view her, and I think it’s a testament to the the wardrobe department that to me she still gives off big modern Disney princess energy and a certain innocence even whilst we hear her being continuously sexualised by her male peers.

If anything, Cassie probably dresses the most like an actual teenage girl, and her style, whilst less distinctive than the other girls, still does a good job of capturing the youth and romanticism of her character.

The colour palette of her wardrobe tends to be quite neutral, with a couple of pastels thrown in there, and if there are any details, they’re usually quite dainty. Similarly, Cassie is probably the least experimental when it comes to her makeup; we don’t really see her wearing the bold eyeshadows or liners or gems like the other girls at any point.

OUTFIT 1-

Bodysuit-Motel Rocks

Hair Clips-Bershka

OUTFIT 2-

Dress-Jaded London

OUTFIT 3-

Trousers-Urban Outfitters

OUTFIT 4-

Top-Urban Outfitters

Hairband-H&M

`OUTFIT 5-

Top-Urban Outfitters

Jeans-Zaful

Headband-Primark

OUTFIT 6-

Top-Urban Outfitters

OUTFIT 7-

Dress-Urban Outfitters

Hair Clips-Boohoo

SO, I guess that’s it for my Euphoria lookbook! As always, let me know what you think (nicely pls, my ego is fragile lol) and I’d love to hear your opinions on the show too! I really haven’t got this excited over a new TV show in ages and I just think that it does everything so excellently-from the writing to the cinematography to the soundtrack, you can tell each element is so carefully and purposefully constructed. It immerses you into the dramatic highs and lows of being a teenager in a way I haven’t seen since UK Skins and I never thought I’d watch a show which held a candle to that.

In terms of what I’m doing next, I’ve got a very delayed fashion week masterpost in the works as well as something to fill the Met Gala shaped hole in our lives, which I hope to get up over the next couple of weeks. In the meantime, if you read to the end, THANK YOU! And I hope you’re staying safe and AT HOME where possible. I know this self-isolation feels never-ending and if I’m honest, it is having a hugely negative effect on my mental health, but NHS staff are doing their very best with the shitty recourses they have and whilst it seems that our government have thrown workers under the bus once again, we can all do our bit to combat that by slowing the spread of the virus. Also thank you to anybody who’s out working now in such a scary and uncertain time! I work at a grocery store and can say from experience that the best way to show this thanks is just through kindness and following employee’s instructions without giving them grief for it. Everyone’s scared right now and the best we can do is pull together and look out for each other, as difficult as that might seem at times.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble, and like I said, stay safe! Thanks once again if you read til the end or even if you’re just here for the photos. Appreciate it more than you know either way!

Lauren x

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peppusae · 3 years

Text

How to say 'I love you' without saying 'I love you' | Chae Hyungwon pt 1

part: 1 of 3

other parts: pt 1 || pt 2 || pt 3

pairing: chae hyungwon x reader

genre: fluff, little slow-burn and angst, smut

word count: 5.6k words

note: i had a dream about this plot so i must write this because after this dream hyungwon became my bias wrecker and i cry about him every day since pls send help gbye

ugh i love him so much :(((

How to say 'I love you' without saying 'I love you'

What’s every kpop fan’s goal in life?

To meet their idols, attend a concert, and attend a fan sign, right?

Some others... They aim higher than that.

And you’re one of those people.

In fact, you love k-pop so much that you found your career took a whooping turn and you ended up majoring in language, for the very simple fact that you could apply to join an entertainment company and be a staff/writer, the latter which makes you feel the proudest of yourself.

But life….

Life can be super mean sometimes. And you learn this the hard way, when you get rejected by SM entertainment - your first and actually the only choice because you are a major Shinee fan and life is just NOT fair at all!

One way or the another, after multiple applying, you finally get a good job in another company - Starship Entertainment.

Now, Starship was definitely not one amongst your top 5 agencies. But you always try not to let that affect your work - and over time, you come to love your job.

Especially when you get assigned as Monsta X’s writer and interpreter.

You find the members of the group very very appealing, all of them having their own charms.

Hyunwoo, who goes by the name Shownu and has an appetite that makes everyone giggle; He is such a soft-hearted soul and you really look up to him because he is always kind enough to give you a hand if he finds you doing something like lugging some boxes around, and would give the prettiest eye smiles when he gets a compliment.

Hoseok, who goes by the name Wonho and is probably the person you would sacrifice everything for; because of the heartwarming smile he has to offer, the way he continuously asks you to go through the comments he received on his vlives, and would politely request you to review what fans are saying about him on his posts.

Kihyun, who is very much Korean down to the bone with his extremely polite mannerisms and the way he always makes sure the staff - you included - are always eating as well; even if it’s a show about them. And also, the way he had once asked if he was your bias, and looked shocked to hear he wasn’t - and then continued to do things to get your attention and ask “Am I your bias now?” in the middle, like an idiot.

Jooheon, who also occasionally comes to you and asks for mini English lessons, and then gets bored after learning two or three new words - and then instead likes to chat about random things like the cats he owns, and your line of cacti which he, for some reason, is obsessed with, and your chats with Jooheon usually end with a compliment battle, and he always made you feel proud because he always says that chatting about normal things like that always inspires him a lot too.

Changkyun, who you consider as your bias wrecker because he keeps his own cool, stays in his own bubble and get things done, and doesn’t brag; instead, he’s very gentle, always the first person to notice if you’re sitting out in the lounge by yourself racking your brains for new content, and uses you as a guinea pig for testing out his lame new puns or pickup lines.

And then… Hyungwon, who doesn’t talk a lot when he’s with the rest of the group, but you found to be startlingly talkative when he’s doing a solo vlive or with only a few members like either Shownu or Wonho. In fact, you remember being wide-eyed when he continuously chatted with his fans on a vlive for a whooping 2 hours, and you can’t forget the precious and warm smile he had on his face when you said you liked seeing him so lively and talkative.

“I have a lot of things up my sleeve which you probably don’t know that much about, [Name]-ah.” He had said that time, and sometimes, you can see the way his eyes would filter through the staff during shows and land on yours, and smile at you.

And finally, Minhyuk, who was your absolute favourite out of the entire group, your bias because he gets along so well with everyone, always making everyone - including the staff - laugh, and would not hesitate to call anyone out if they’re doing something they shouldn’t. It makes you giggle, the way he would approach you in the middle of a variety show shooting they’re doing and ask if you were the writer of the show and how you had the audacity to make them walk around like lunatics. He acts like a crackhead like that, but you’ve grown to be so attached to him when you realized that, beyond his bright personality, he also is an insanely sweet person; You found this out when you had mentioned applying to SM entertainment because Shinee was your favorite group ever, and Minhyuk -even if he asked how dare you talk about other men in his presence - met up with Shinee while hosting a show and got the members to sign, and even got Kibum, your Shinee bias, to sign you a message inside their recent album.

Undoubtedly, Minhyuk was your favorite, for a good reason.

But still, to be put frankly, Hyungwon was the member that has your heart, for the simple reason that he was so unpredictable and has his own sense of humour and personality.

Since you got assigned to work with Monsta X, your life has been a messy tangle of fun, a normal day being you having a chat with Hyungwon and then getting interrupted by Minhyuk who would have zero filters and ask “Are you two dating?”, which causes the two of you to flush red for no reason, while Kihyun would overhear this and say “Huh?! You’re picking him to date but you don’t think of me as bias material?”.

The cycle would be endless, with Wonho laughing while watching the entire scene unfold, while Jooheon would join in with Minhyuk while Shownu would butt in and say “Minhyuk-ah, we have to go back to practise now tho,” and Changkyun sticking his head out from his dorm room and saying he still has 5 more minutes to finish the session of his favorite game.

You’ve grown to love this cycle and it doesn’t feel like a job, doing something you love with good people to work with, and life has been even easier after you got a dorm room within the building.

So, even if you had a roommate - and she’s nice, just not too close - things at Starship has been working out well for you.

Your daily chaos started simmering down a little once the pandemic hit, and all of the staff got confined to their rooms for work.

Because some of the shows you’re writing the scripts for are getting approved easily, you feel lucky to be one of the few staff who is now allowed to go alongside the members when they’re out for shows.

The times when you’re working from your dorm room, you feel so tired - perhaps missing the chaos you were so used to for the past couple years.

One day, you get a kakao chat from Hyungwon, asking if he can come over to discuss something with you.

It’s early in the morning - 8:15 am, and you’re half awake but you let him in, trying your hardest not to yawn too much in front of the member you considered the most attractive from the bunch.

Your roommate, Dawon, was kind enough to clean up the room a little bit when you said Hyungwon was coming over - and you said it on purpose because you knew she called Hyungwon her type and admits to having a teensy crush on him even though she knows it won’t work out anyways.

Hyungwon is wearing a caramel sweater and grey baggy sweatpants, and it always warms your heart to see the boys dressed in comfy clothes because they have to spend so much time wearing clothes that probably look good but not feel as comfy.

“Hyungwonnie, come on in!” You greet him, and he reacts with a chuckle and he always does that ever since you started calling him by that nickname after the day he said you should use casual language with him.

Hyungwon gives a little nod to your roommate in acknowledgement, and waits until you draw the curtain separating the room, before he speaks.

“I have a magazine shooting next month, and these are the set of questions they’re gonna ask me.” He says, putting the big envelope he had in his clutches on the top of your desk after he takes his seat. “I need help coming up with answers.”

Hyungwon was usually one of the few members who always comes to use the opportunity; the artists are free to ask the writers for help with answers they’ll give for their interviews, and Hyungwon always makes full use of the opportunity, and Shownu and Wonho occasionally drop by too, as well.

You’re always happy to be asked for help, but today, you find yourself sweat-dropping at the thought. You were so sleepy, the only reason you’re not dozing off is because you had forced yourself not to sit down.

“Why?”

“What?”

“You’re usually always excited when I ask for something like this, so why today?”

Ouch. Sometimes, much like you can read the boy’s faces and know what’s going on, they can sometimes do the same for you, too.

“Well, you see....”

“Have you been getting enough sleep?”

Double ouch. You knew the boys - at least, most of them - were good observers, but you didn’t expect Hyungwon to catch on so easily.

“I actually do get enough sleep, but these days, I feel extra sleepy for an hour or so after I wake up.”

This makes Hyungwon chuckle, putting the papers back inside the envelope and turning back to you.

“Welcome to the life of every human being. You sound like you’ve been babied too much.” He has to say, and you watch the way he gets up from his seat and places the envelope inside one of your drawers.

“Let’s get some breakfast.”

“W-What?!”

This makes the male raise an eyebrow, glancing around the room as if he was unsure if it really was you who said that.

“You’re acting as if we have never gone out for a meal together.”

“Well…” You say, because you’ve actually gone with him a couple of times over the four years you’ve been assigned to them.

That was probably because the boys enjoyed ordering in mostly, and eating at their own free times.

Anyhow, it was only a few times, so it definitely did surprise you.

“Okay. Where do we go?”

“I’m in the mood for some eggs and sausages, do you have anything you want to eat?”

“Hey, we’re gonna split the bill okay!?” You hurry to race Hyungwon outside, who goes out in a very knowing way, one that was like a deja vu of the times when he’d butt in when you’re trying to innocently pay for your delivered lunch tray and he’d ask to tab it over to him.

Kihyun was right, he really was different from the way most Monbebe actually looked up at him.

At the restaurant, Hyungwon takes his mask off only after you two are seated at one of the sectioned booths and have ordered your food.

“The pandemic isn’t good, but this is the only thing that I enjoy about it.” He admits, eyes going over to the lack of people inside the place which would usually be filled to the brim with office workers trying to grab a quick breakfast.

“This pandemic has made me a sleepyhead like you.”

“Hey!”

You find yourself smiling so hard around Hyungwon because during breakfast and after you had forcibly paid for you two, on your way back when he offers to buy you coffee - and even remembers your usual order - and the next two hours he spent with you while you helped him write answers and edit what he wrote, it really does not feel like he’s a celebrity at all; but more so as a close friend who makes you feel warm in ways you’ve never felt before.

“Why?”

You snap out from your little trance and go back to typing your script on the laptop, when he interrupts you.

“Why are you smiling? What kind of madness of a show are you writing now?!”

“Hey! Don’t accuse me of writing madness when your Monbebe loves it so much!”

“Yah, that’s too much! Our Monbebe will love us anyway even if you show them us being normal!”

You giggle, because really. When has Monsta X ever been normal?

---

The next day, right after you wake up, you’re working on the itinerary for Monsta X’s upcoming vacation show - a little too late, you had to admit, and that too, when you’re feeling so desperately sleepy like you’ve been feeling lately every morning.

Dawon had gone out to grab breakfast with some of the other staff, and you’re munching on your melon bread, knowing well that the espresso shot you’ve had just a while ago won’t last you for more than 15 minutes.

And it doesn’t.

In fact, you’re actually snoring when your phone rings loudly, making you lift your sorry face up from your laptop keyboard and answering as soon as you pick up the phone.

“Yes, Manager-nim? I’ll send you the itinerary in fifteen minutes!” You say the impossible, because your task in barely done, and you had a feeling you’d fall back onto the laptop keyboard the second the manager hangs up the call.

The sound of familiar chuckling makes you raise an eyebrow and glance at your phone, horrified to see Hyungwon’s name on the display.

“I need it in ten minutes, not fifteen.” He says in a heavy voice, and it makes you huff in embarrassment, glad that he couldn’t see you.

“Very funny, Hyungwon. What did you need?”

“Nothing. Just wanted to wake you up.”

“I was up!”

This makes him laugh yet again, and you sigh, typing on the keyboard as you think about what good excuse you can say.

“If you were up, you wouldn’t have thought I was your manager.”

You let out a little groan, connecting your headphones to the phone so you could multitask while speaking to the male.

“Really, now, Hyungwonnie, what did you really want? Is there something you wanted to ask again?”

“No, I really just called to wake you up.”

“Well. Isn’t that sweet of you.” You say, sarcastically.

The mini banter and sarcastic comments continue for about ten minutes, by which you’d even finished up the itinerary.

So, even if he did laugh at your sleepyhead behaviour - as if he could talk - you made sure to thank him before you go out to take the printouts and finish off your task.

---

And then, that becomes a ritual.

Hyungwon calls you every day at 8 am, right when you’ve signed in for work and are about to head to get some coffee.

He makes small talk with you, talks about little episodes he’d had, and listens to your ideas.

After the first week, you don’t feel sleepy even if you don’t get the coffee; and you don’t even get sleepy after he hangs up.

Every day, it feels like he’s prepared something new, because he makes you laugh so hard that your sleep completely vanishes.

In fact, after a couple of days, he searches up English songs on Genie Music and sings, butchering up a lot of the lyrics on purpose - you know it’s on purpose because Hyungwon has a really good pronunciation when he tries.

One day, you’re butchering up the lyrics of a song along with Hyungwon while you’re writing talk segments for Monsta X’s comeback showcase. Your roommate has been giving you funny looks recently, especially after she asked who was calling you every day and you couldn’t lie and told her it was Hyungwon.

The sudden sound of your door flying wide open and a blonde Lee Minhyuk barrelling into your room makes you stop your singing.

“Oh. So it was you, huh.” He has to say, making himself comfortable on your beanbag chair, and drawing the cloth partition between your room when Dawon - your roommate - keeps staring.

Really, Minhyuk does not know what filters are supposed to be.

“What do you mean?” You ask, and from your headphone, Hyungwon hears his friend’s voice, so he dismisses the call after saying he’ll see you again later.

“So it was you Hyungwonie has been getting up every morning to sing his heart out, huh?”

You stare at him, baffled. “Well, he does sing some normal songs, but he mostly sings crack-”

“He usually never wakes up on his own even if he has schedules, and now he has an alarm to call you every day? What, are you guys dating or something?”

“Yah, Minhyuk, what are you saying!!” You hiss, horrified, because the cloth partition does little to block out sounds from the other side.

“I always tell people if they like someone, to stop being so obvious and just ask them out. It’s easy!!”

“It’s not easy and omg shut up!! He’s just calling me because he’s waking me up, he’s just being kind!”

“Hyungwon never wakes up for us, he’s never kind to us, then! And he’s always still sleepy even if he wakes you up, because he goes straight back to bed after he wakes you up!”

You sigh out loud in frustration, shaking your head. “Come on. What did you want, Minhyukkie?”

Minhyuk gives you a knowing smile before he shakes his head, handing you the binded notebook he had in his clutches.

“You’ll give me a read-over, right? I told you about the radio-show I’m gonna start hosting in a few weeks, right? The concept is clear, but I have some topics I want to talk about and I made some scripts about how I could continue the talk.”

“You got it. I’ll need some time, though, how does Thursday sound?”

“Perfect. Thanks!” He gives you a flying kiss that makes you laugh, and then he’s out as fast as he came barreling in.

---

You expected Hyungwon to stop the calling after the confining to your room rule gets lifted up and you’ve started to go to the office for work.

But he doesn’t, and he sounds as if he’s never been as prepared before as he is now.

Even when the comeback is near and he must be practising into the late hours of the night, he never misses a single day.

A few days before the comeback, you find him having lunch with Shownu, and it’s the first time you’ve seen him in a while - and you hadn’t seen his new hair till then too.

For the first time in the four years you’ve been assigned to work with Monsta X, you take a good look at Hyungwon.

A really, really good look.

At first, he hadn’t noticed you, and while you’re refilling your water bottle with chilled water, you notice the way he’s smiling a little while he listens to what Shownu is saying. The way he uses his hand to brush the fringe of his hair he’s dyed blonde is attractive for the first time - and you’d always thought he was a really, really handsome young man… But this is the first time he looks so attractive that you feel like you’re in a daze, staring at him until chilled water fills up your bottle and pours on your fingers, finally catching your attention.

What gives?

The little yelp you let out makes both Shownu and Hyungwon glance over at you - noticing you for the first time. Hyungwon’s eyes go wide, the top of his palm going up to cover his mouth.

“Ah, [Name]-ah. How are you?” Shownu calls over to you, ever so naturally, and you greet him with a smile when it looks like he’s motioning for you to come over.

“I haven’t seen you in a while. Are you doing well?”

“I’m doing good, Hyunwoo-oppa. You guys must be working super hard for the comeback, right?” You say, glancing at Hyungwon, and for the first time ever, you think he’s actually… blushing ?!

It makes you flustered, thinking about what Minhyuk had talked to you about, while he accused you two of dating. Really, Minhyuk had no filters, it never fails to drive you insane sometimes.

“Yeah! You can expect a lot, please do support us a lot!”

You turn to look at Shownu, beaming at his friendly and charming smile before you excuse yourself and head back before you felt your head would explode.

Now, what the heck was that all about!?

Whatever it was, you were definitely going to blame Minhyuk for this!

---

It absolutely surprises you when Hyungwon doesn’t fail to call you, even the following morning.

You guess you had just imagined it in your head yesterday when Hyungwon looked flustered to see you.

Stupid Minhyuk! It was all in your head after all.

“Now that today’s dumb song segment is over,” Hyungwon says, after he sings a butchered up version of Pretty Please, “I’m gonna sing a song from our album!”

“Oh? Will that be okay?”

“Well, you’ll hear the album preview later today, so, why not?” He has to say. “It’s one of my favorites from the album.”

And then, he sings up to the second chorus of Beautiful Night - a song you fall in love with instantly, because the lyrics are so beautiful and Hyungwon sings as if he’s doing so with his whole soul. It almost makes your eyes teary, and you can barely tell him that you love it, before you have to excuse yourself with a little lie.

Since when did Hyungwon’s voice sound this emotional? It’s been over four years, but his voice has always been the same, beautiful voice as before. You open up Genie music, playing some of the older albums, listening to Hyungwon’s voice in the songs, and you feel like you’ve missed out this side of Hyungwon completely, this madly romantic side of him that sounds so sincere that it makes your heart race.

What is going on, seriously…

---

As the days pass by, the little tingle in your heart whenever you see or hear Hyungwon keeps on getting more and more painful.

In fact, by the end of Monsta X’s three-week promotions for Fantasia X, hearing Hyungwon singing songs for you become almost unbearably sad.

Despite having to wake up earlier, or even having to excuse himself in the middle of getting his hair and makeup done, he makes sure to call you - even if you’re sitting and listening to him when he’s in the same room as you are in.

You realize you can’t hold out your expressions if it’s in front of him, so you make sure to get up and go away somewhere when Hyungwon’s call arrives every day at 8 am on the dot.

It’s a warm Saturday morning, and you’re on your bed, your earpods on and listening to Fantasia X on Genie when Hyungwon’s call of the day arrives.

Today, it’s different.

Usually, he sings a trot song, or a really ugly version of an English song with the hopes of making you laugh so much that your sleep completely vanishes.

But today, he doesn’t say anything and immediately starts to sing soulfully; today, he sings Newton, one of your absolute favorite songs by the group, and…

The way he sings it is so, so sad .

Something inside your heart feels like it is burning, and unknowingly, your eyes brim with tears, because…

All the things Minhyuk had told you, all the things you’ve been thinking about Hyungwon lately, all the little glances he sends your way and then looks away when he sees you’re watching…

You feel your emotions going haywire, and your wishful thinking makes you start crying and you pray to god that Hyungwon, who’s singing the chorus so beautiful and sincerely does not notice.

It’s almost unbearable, and you take off your earpods and have him on speaker, thankful that he doesn’t notice you’ve reached for tissues to wipe your tears.

Since when did I start feeling this way about him?

How can I think this way about one of the members I work for?

Why does Hyungwon sing as if he’s singing just for me, and only me?

Why does it feel like we are never able to meet eyes now?

You have so many questions and no answers, and your hands are shaking as you try to press record on your phone because he sounds so, so beautiful and your crying is not helping you in focusing on his sincere singing.

It is at this moment that the door to your room flies open, and your roommate, Dawon enter the room, then freezes when she sees you crying.

“What’s going on?!”

You’re only able to hand over the phone to her, and mumble a little “Please record it for me” through your sobs.

Dawon looks very confused, raising an eyebrow when she looks at the receiver and sees that it is Hyungwon, on the call.

At that moment, Hyungwon wraps up his singing, clearing his throat a little and speaks for the first time today.

“[Name]-ah.”

You find yourself sniffling, glancing at Dawon who looks visibly upset now… and you can’t even blame her…

“[Name]-ah.” He calls your name again, and this is one of the things that makes you sad in regards to Hyungwon, because… He is a member of Monsta X, one of the manlier groups in the industry for sure, but… He’s so gentle and sweet, a kind-hearted soul, and he does not lack in anything, as he has proudly claimed so.

Even the way he calls your name out is so gentle that it makes more tears stream down your face, and you’re almost scared at how to answer whatever Hyungwon would ask from you.

“[Name]-ah. I have something I have to tell you, in person.”

Your eyes meet with Dawon, who now looks wide-eyed, and you were sure you would probably look the same.

“I… I have to tell you this in person, so, if you… If you’re willing, would you like to… go for dinner with me today?”

More tears stream down your face, and now you know you can never look Dawon in the eyes either so you bury your face on one of your pillows, heart aching too much to do anything else.

“Hyungwon-ssi.”

Dawon speaks into the speakerphone, and it makes you glance at her, wondering what she was going to say.

Hyungwon replies with a loud ‘Huh?’ in confusion.

“Hyungwon-ssi, I’m sorry, but [Name] is outside and she left her phone here.”

Dawon looks at you, lips pressed into a thin line. You feel so uneasy, and it felt like Hyungwon felt the same, because he starts to stammer.

“Wh-Wha? What?! If [Name] wasn’t the one who answered, then wh- Whaaaaa!” You hear a loud whine before the call gets disconnected with a quick mumble of “Sorry!”.

Dawon hurls the phone at your bed, and leaves the room without a word, and it pains your heart so much that you feel like you’ll die.

A text message pops up on your phone a little while later and seeing the text makes you feel a little dizzy, even.

‘If you’re freely going to allow other people to roam through your phone even, I don’t think I have any other choice but to come to see you right away.’

What?

Wait, does he mean-

You hurry to grab your phone and iPad, wiping your face as best as you could and going out of your room. You find Minhyuk and Kihyun using the Xbox in the lounge, so you quietly take a seat near them, greeting them and opening up your iPad without another word.

“[Name]-ah, why do you look so weird?”

“Yah, Minhyuk, how can you say something so rude?!”

You shake your head and give a weak smile at the two, opening up your notepad and leaning against the couch.

A moment passes by, and Minhyuk moves closer to you on the couch, so close that you actually move a little back as well.

“What?”

“I finished my game with Kihyunnie. So. Why? Why do you look so sad? Did Hyungwonie hurt you?”

Now, you’ve been doing a good job of not crying since you got out of the room, but seeing Minhyuk’s worried face and then remembering Hyungwon’s words - along with Minhyuk hitting a bullseye right away… All of that combine together and it makes you start to cry again.

“Wha? Hey?!” Minhyuk looks very startled, and he usually never looks surprised like he doesn’t know what to do, but today he looks like he’s at a dead end, and you allow him to grab your hand and tell Kihyun he’ll be right back, before he hurries to drag you over to the other end of the lounge near the vending machines.

“Yah, what is going on with you lately? Hyungwon really said something mean to you, didn’t he? Sheesh. Acting like he’s in love with you and then making you cry like this? I didn’t expect him out of everyone to behave this way.”

The more Minhyuk spoke, the worse you felt, and you’re barely able to ask him if he could be kind enough to leave you alone for a second when you hear a familiar voice calling your name.

“[Name]-ah…. Minhyuk-ah?!”

You and Minhyuk glance up to see Hyungwon approaching you, and you hurry to take your hand away from Minhyuk’s clutch.

Really, Hyungwon couldn’t have caught a worse timing.

Minhyuk shoots you a sad look, then gets up from his seat, goes to say something to Kihyun, then the two of them leave while Kihyun glances at you with a worried look on his face. You can’t get yourself to look at Hyungwon, so you’re looking at your hands, fingers fumbling while Hyungwon stands in his spot in front of you, not saying a single word.

More tears fall down your face when you remember Minhyuk’s words - and how wrong was he to assume the worst from the sweetest person you know, and it pains your heart because you knew if you looked in his eyes, you wouldn’t be able to stop crying.

“Why?”

Hyungwon says a single word, and honestly, that was the only thing you didn’t have an answer for.

Why were you crying?

You didn’t know.

Why can’t you look at Hyungwon?

You had no clue.

Why did Minhyuk know right away?

That too, you didn’t know at all.

Why can’t you answer him?

You had no reason.

So instead, you find tears streaming down your face, and you wish you could leave, but you felt like you owed Hyungwon at least this much, to hear what he had to say even if you felt like something was cutting through your heart.

“Stand up.”

It’s the first time you’ve heard him ask you to do something in that voice, an angry, impatient voice you’ve never imagined you’d ever be on the receiving end for.

“[Name]-ah.”

You hum in response, eyes on the ground. Hyungwon lets out an exhale and you can feel your hands trembling because it’s while you’re looking at his shoes with an aching heart, that you realize something you’ve been wishing so hard was not true.

You were in love with Chae Hyungwon.

Out of completely nowhere, so naturally.... You were so madly in love with Chae Hyungwon; so much that looking at him now would be too much to take, now.

“You heard everything I said, didn’t you?”

Now, that’s something you didn’t expect to hear from him. He had sounded so worried and embarrassed on the phone so you didn’t think he would have any suspicious, but here he was, showing you that he certainly did.

It makes you look up at his face for the first time today, and it pains your heart.

It paints your heart, because he’s wearing clothes with a lot of creases - something he’s been wearing to sleep, and he has on a beanie that covers most of his messy-looking hair, and he’s looking at you with puffy eyes and a frown that hurts so much to look at.

You couldn’t bear to look at him anymore so you shake your head in response. Hyungwon looks visibly disappointed, like he knew right away that you were lying. You think he has something more he wants to say, because his lips part a little… And then, he lets out a sigh and shakes his head as well.

“If you are this burdened by how I feel, then…” Hyungwon’s voice trails off, taking a step back and then turning around. You watch the way he walks out of the lounge without a word, and if you felt like you’d never been more hurt before, you were completely wrong, because nothing pained your heart more than watching the male leave like that, as if he had so much to say and couldn’t…. Just like how you felt while you sink back on the couch and cry your heart out.

And from that day onwards, Hyungwon doesn’t call you again.

-----

#hyungwon #chaehyungwon #monsta x #monsta x hyungwon #fluff #slowburn #pls help i love hyungwon so much

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backtobackbakubabe · 4 years

Text

Stuck in the Middle with You (Part 2)

Bakugo x Reader

Reader is a closet couponer and when word started spreading that there was going to be a mandatory quarantine to fend off a virus you weren't worried. You had enough supplies to last for months. However it wasn't until now that you realized you had no idea how to cook and you relied on take out and fast food for most of your meals. The only person who knew about your crazy couponing habit was Bakugo, so when he called and asked if he could raid your stash you got an idea.

Words: 2054

*****************************************************************************************************

You tried not to moan as you took your first bite of Bakugo’s pancakes. They were so delicious, but you didn’t want to add to his already huge ego. For the most part you both are in silence, locking eyes every so often before immediately looking anywhere else but at each other. There was still some awkward tension between the two of you. He had kissed you, like actually kissed you but neither of you wanted to be the one to bring it up.

You knew he only did it to try and help you through your panic attack. There was no way he would have done it for any other reason. He was Bakugo after all and you weren't even convinced that he even liked you as a friend. Sure he always attended movie nights, and yeah he brought you coupons. But that was it. The two of you never hung out one on one and you rarely spoke to each other over the phone. You had known the man for years and you didn’t know a damm thing about him.

It wasnt until he cleared his thought that you realized you had been staring at him, “Do I need to teach you manners as well as cooking? Lesson number one, don’t stare at people.”

You snorted, “Oh that’s rich. A lesson on manners from the same person who manages to find a way to insult anyone who dares try and speak to him.”

He slammed his fork down, “Well at least I wasn't the one staring at another person practically drooling while they ate!”

You stood up and tossed your plate into the sink, “I was not drooling! I was just thinking...”

Bakugo came up behind you and rinsed your dish as well as his before putting them in the dish washer, “You really shouldn't leave dishes in the sink. Its a bad habbit...”

When you didnt answer he took a deep breath, “If we’re going to be stuck here then we should probably at least try and get along.”

Again you were struck by how little you knew about him. How had you been friends with him for this long and not know anything about him.

He groaned, “Are you even fucking listening to me?”

You nodded and pinched the bridge of you nose, “Yeah sorry, just was thinking again... I can be kind of spacey.”

He softened a bit before leaning on the counter next to you, “So I’ve noticed... What are you thinking about?”

You blushed slightly before regaining your composure, “Honestly you... Not anything weird... It’s just. Well I feel like I actually don’t know much about you. Like are you a morning person? Whats your favorite color? What kind of movies do you like? I know none of that seems important but for some reason it just weirds me out that I dont know.”

Bakugo scratched the back of his neck, “Well I mean you never asked...”

You hopped up on the kitchen counter and swung your legs that were now dangling, “Okay well to be fair that can go both ways. I’m sure you don’t know anything about me either.”

He seemed to think for a minute before nodding, “Well I guess it’s a good thing we have some time to catch up. Just promise me that what you learn stays between us. I dont need any fucking extras thinking they know me.”

You rolled your eyes at his abrasiveness. “How about you pick something to watch and I’ll go raid my closet for things you could wear. I doubt you want to wear the same clothes every day for the foreseeable future.”

“Tsk as if I’d wear girls clothes. The director from my hero agency said he’d send someone over with some clothes. It’ll probably just be a bunch of training gear with the agencies logo on it but I guess beggars cant be choosers.”

Bakugo was right because halfway through “Gladiator” a man showed up with a duffle bag full of grey and black shirts, shorts, and sweats with his agencies logo on it. They were all still wrapped in plastic just to be safe.

He threw the bag full of clothes behind the couch and reclaimed his spot next to you. You were bundled up in a blanket, trying not to fall asleep but you were drained after your episode earlier. It was only a little after 8 and you could feel your eye lids growing heavier.

At some point you woke up and to your horror you were leaning on Bakugo. You would have panicked except you could feel his arm draped around your shoulders holding you to him. This was odd. You slowly sat up and stretched. “Sorry. You could have pushed me off. I wouldn't have blamed you. Especially with social distancing or whatever.”

He chuckled, “Oh believe me I thought about it. But you were cold and if we stuck together I cant have you getting sick.”

You saw a slight blush creep up his neck. You knew there was no way you would have gotten sick from being chilly in your own living room. But you also knew he was probably more comfortable doing something nice if he had an excuse. So you game him a genuine smile. “Thanks. I’ll be honest that's the best nap I’ve ever had. Well best I’ve slept in months actually. I’m always tossing and turning.” You turned off the tv that was now playing the credits. You had seriously slept through the entire second half of the movie.

You walked over and started pulling out pillows and blankets from the hall closet. “You can sleep on the couch. It pulls out into a bed but honestly its more comfortable if you just sleep on it normally. We can take turns sleeping in the bed if you’re here long enough.”

He accepted the blankets but held tight to your hand. “Hey you know I meant it earlier when I said you could talk to me. I’m the last person to voluntarily open up about my feelings, but you know... I worry about you sometimes.”

You plopped down on the couch with a huge sigh. “I appreciate your concern. But I wouldn't even know where to begin... I’m just... I don’t know. I’m fine.”

Bakugo took a seat next to you, “You’re what? Smart? Strong? Badass? Because those are the first words that come to mind when I think of you...”

You could feel your eyes prick with unshed tears. “Well those are definitely not high on the list of adjectives I would consider for myself. More like small, scared, and incompetent.” You leaned your head back on the couch and stared at the ceiling.

Bakugo crossed his arms over his chest in mild frustration. “Why? That couldn’t be further from the truth! Well except the small thing. You are kinda little. But last I checked that wasn’t a bad thing. If anything... its kinda.... cute.”

You looked up expecting to see him blushing. But instead you saw him giving you a nervous smile. You wiped a tear from the corner of your eyes and returned his smile, “Well you know how my quirk can be really vague? I only get fragments of the truth and even then it’s up to me to decide what they mean... That’s a lot of pressure. I cant be wrong. Ever. And there was this one time when I was a child... I was living with my mom.. I interpreted something wrong and someone died because of it. That kind of thing sticks with you.”

Bakugo reached out and took your hand, “Is that why you decided not to be a hero?”

You nodded as you wiped away another tear, “Yeah. Now I work behind a desk, looking at files, and no body gets hurt.”

Bakugo surprised you by pulling you to him and giving you a tight hug. “I’m going to say something and you better not ever repeat it.... But I was always nervous to spar against you. You always seemed to be able to read me like a book. You worked harder than the rest of us including me. You were always in the gym or the library. I’m not saying I don’t understand your decision. I just want you to know that I think you would have been great.”

You leaned into his hug, “Thank you... for everything today. For helping through my panic attack, for making me dinner, for hanging out with me. I know you say you didnt have a choice. But you really are a great friend.”

You both laid there on the couch. Bakugo holding onto you taking deep breaths, “You want to talk about earlier? You dont have to but it might help me out to know what might trigger you if we’re going to be stuck here.”

You buried your face into his chest. “I dont really want to talk about it. But I will say I dont do very well when I feel trapped, especially if I have to be alone.”

He gave you a quick squeeze, “You going to be okay alone tonight?”

You sat up and swatted as his chest, “Bakugo Katsuki! Did you just ask if you could spend the night with me?”

He rolled his eyed before he pushed you off the couch. “Sorry for being concerned. I promise it’ll never happen again. Next time I’ll just let you suffer.”

You giggled, “There’s the Bakugo I know.” You started your trek up the stairs to your room calling a goodnight over your shoulder to the man who was getting cozy on your couch. When you had woken up this morning there was no way you could have predicted your day would end up like this. You didn’t know what was harder to believe, the lockdown, or the fact that Bakugo was a secret softy.

You were already so exhausted that it was hard for you to fall asleep. The hard part was staying asleep. You woke up several times, tossing and turning. Your anxiety was truly kicking your ass tonight. At one point you felt compelled to go and check that Bakugo was still there. Not that it would make any difference. There’s no way your insomnia would magically be cured by knowing that Bakugo was still there.

But logic wasnt on your side tonight.

You wrapped yourself in a towel and tip toes across the cold hardwood floor. You tried really hard to be silent, slowly making your way down the stairs. It was so dark, but you could just make out the silhouette of his rising and falling chest. At least he could sleep.

After you had satisfied your irrational need to make sure he was still there you stood and turned to go back up the stairs. You were almost to the top when the board groaned under your foot. You froze.

“Y/n?” Bakugo slowly sat up. “Y/n what are you doing up?” He picked up his phone and groaned. “Y/n it’s four in the morning!” You remained frozen to your spot on the stairs. “Y/n I can see you... Are you okay?”

You sighed, “I’m fine, I was just having a hard time sleeping again. Its nothing new. Go back to sleep.”

He stood up and wrapped the blanket around his half asleep form. He slowly made his way up the stairs. When he got to you he didnt stop but kept walking towards your room. He only paused when he got to the door. “Are you coming or not?”

You silently nodded and joined him in your room. He laid down on the floor next to your bed, which looked extremely uncomfortable. “You sure you’re going to be okay down there?”

He scoffed, “Of course I’ll be okay. I’m no cry baby.”

You rolled your eyed and threw a pillow at him, “At lest take a pillow!”

He muttered something under his breath but excepted the pillow none the less.

You rolled over and pulled the covers up to your chin, “Thank you Bakugo.”

“You’re welcome smalls.”

Smalls.... It was a nickname he had used during your time at UA. You used to hate it but after tonights confession, you found it endearing.

#bakugo #bakugo katsuki #Katsuki Bakugō #bhna bakugou #bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #bakugo imagine #bnha #bnha fanfiction #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #bnha bakugo katsuki #mha #mha imagines #mha bakugou #mha x reader #mha x y/n #my hero academia

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daydreamer11587 · 4 years

Text

*Dusts off blog*

Well, earlier I didn't think I'd ever write paragraphs for Hospital Playlist as I am already too jaded with the writer and director duo's evil game of stringing the viewers along, making them invested and feeling lulled with their feelings and ships only to break them later. But tonight... yeah I have this urge to write paragraphs of things because at episode 10, I think they have made things more clearer and obvious so I just want to document my finding, lol. So yeah, excuse me. *insert Marge Simpson embarrassed gif*

(Caution: these are purely my own observation and personal interpretations. They are of course prone to be wrong and may be interpreted so differently than others)

HOSPITAL PLAYLIST EPISODE 10 THEME: ONE SIDED LOVES AND CONFESSIONS.

Seeing how the episode panned out and the song they performed - Confession is Not Flashy, I think the theme of the episode is one sided loves and confessions.

The writer director duo has regarded the song "Confession is Not Flashy" as a one-sided love song, based on their usage of the song in Reply 1994, episode 8 when the lights was out because of the rain and the kids were listening to the radio at the living room. The DJ narrated:

"Everyone, this is your chance. If by chance the person you love is next to you and if you are in a one-sided love, you should take advantage of this darkness and stare at the person you love as much as you can. I'll play a song for you. So until the electricity comes back, feel free to imagine being in a relationship with that person. Does it even matter? It's a one-sided love after all. That person doesn't know about it. Although you are in a one-sided love relationship, I hope you'll have a happy date during the 3 minutes of this song. This is a gift for those who are in a one-sided relationship and those who are lonely yet happy. It's 'Confession is Not Flashy' by Lee Seung Hwan. Everyone, end your one-sided love today. When the rain stops tomorrow, confess your love like said in the song. You never know, that person might be in love with you too."

I know this drama and Reply 1994 are totally different dramas, but I believe the writer-director's view on the songs they have chosen must still be the same. So when they use the same song in Hospital Playlist, their view on the song and what they represent should still be the same.

And true to their view about the song, this episode really is filled with one-sided loves and confessions (directly or indirectly) :

1. Chi Hong's one sided love towards Song Hwa, and his indirect confession despite her earlier rejection.

He was enjoying the few minutes alone time with Song Hwa during the NS lunch date and a little bit displeased when Dr. Yong turned up on time, lol. From picking up the strand of hair on her shoulder (which made her uncomfortable), to saying "I'll stay right by your side, Professor".

2. Min Ha's one-sided love towards Seok Hyeong and her direct confession in his car.

Girl got some gusto I like their scene so much I was squealing the whole time ajdjfjf. Her confession and what she said after to him was so cool, my heart fluttered!

3. Gyeo Wool's one-sided love towards Jeong Won and her indirect confession to him via her manager, Ik Jun. Haha.

Ik Jun is campaigning for Jeong Won to accept Gyeo Wool so hard. Why? Not really because of Jeong Won, but because of Gyeo Wool. He adores her as a doctor and as a person that he wants her to be happy and he said this himself. He knows that the thing that would make Gyeo Wool happy is by being with the person she likes, Jeong Won. As how it is, Jeong Won denied Ik Jun's assumption that he likes Gyeo Wool. As Jeong Won was looking at Ik Jun bemusedly for his suggestion, he was probably recalling his conversation with Jun Wan about Ik Jun being a nutcase and how he and Ik Jun are not seeing eye to eye (the Korean phrase can also be translated as "not like minded") and he can't figure Ik Jun's mind at all sometimes.

4. Ik Jun's one-sided love towards Song Hwa and his very smooth indirect confession.

The reason why I see it as one-sided from was because Song Hwa doesn't seem to view him romantically. Most of the time, the affection from her towards him seems to be purely platonic. She always hit him, threatening to punch him and chided him for behaving like a kid. She even refused skinship(?) from his end by kicking him when his feet were touching hers under the cafeteria table. The scene where they look domesticated at his house really is heart fluttering, but when he (so smoothly) indirectly confessed to her, she was startled and looked away. She seems wanting to avoid it, turned her face away, pretending to look outside and then change the subject, asking him to continue eating. It doesn't look like a positive reaction after a confession. But I might be wrong though.

5. Song Hwa's one-sided love(?) towards Jeong Won and her proposal as an indirect confession

(This one is actually so weak and I don't really think it's feasible but somehow there seems to be something, especially from Song Hwa's end that leaves some nagging feeling and suspicions)

Song Hwa doesn't come off as someone who would freely intiate affectionate and excessive skinships with the boys. She would just give them either some friendly touches on their arms, friendly or consolation pats (to Seok Hyeong and Jun Wan) or hitting and kicking them (to Ik Jun). But with Jeong Won, she seems to take the opportunity(?) to lean on his shoulder when he put his arms around her when supporting her purchase decision. But, this could also mean that they're so close that there's no personal boundaries between them. However, both of them were not portrayed to have that kind of dynamic. Song Hwa is a lot closer to the other 3 boys than Jeong Won but she was never shown to initiate such an intimate skinship with them.

After witnessing Jeong Won being so lovable with the little boy (look at how she looks at him) and enthusiastically talking about him and his brother, she proposed to him "Jeong Won, let's get married / marry me" (the right literal translation). He was startled, looking directly at her in surprise and then she backtracked(?), telling him to find a great woman and make babies as she imagined how cute it would be if he has his own children. Her random "proposal" might be brushed off as a joke, but Song Hwa doesn't seem like a person who would freely joke on such a matter either. If her proposal actually wasn't a joke as how she covered it to be, then it can be regarded as a type of confession too, no?

6. Jeong Won's non-romantic one-sided intention towards Song Hwa and his direct confession and proposal.

Jeong Won has one-sidedly intended for Song Hwa to take over his Daddy Long Legs project since spring. He confessed to her than he is in fact Daddy Long Legs (Grandpa Long Legs to her, lol). He proposed for her to take it over, and she accepted it.

Now,

I know Hospital Playlist is not the same as the Reply series as there is no 'who is the husband game' mystery. And it actually has a more similar vibe to Prison Playbook imo. But at the same time, Hospital Playlist is made to share the same formula as the Reply series: apart from the heartwarming small daily stories, the writer and director duo also deliberately hide and witheld certain POVs, make them opague and opening them up for interpretations which leads to people starting guessing games. Then they filled the show with small details and nuances to corroborate the interpretations and fuelling the guessing game.

It is the same as the Reply series where people were made to guess whom did the female lead like, whom would the female lead choose and ends up with.

But this time, the persons whose POV were hidden and making people keep on guessing are not only the female lead Song Hwa, but also Jeong Won. Will he really quit and becomes a priest? Does he like Gyeo Wool or not? Will he end up with Gyeo Wool or not? As for Song Hwa, it's the question of whom does she like? Does she have feelings for Ik Jun or not? Will she change her mind and consider Chi Hong or not?

Those sort of mysteries are established because both Jeong Won's and Song Hwa's insights were deliberately witheld and made to be opague. We have insight to Ik Jun's, Jun Wan's and Seok Hyeong's feelings. But not the other two. This witholding of POVs and insights to their feelings made things open for different interpretations, sparked the guessing games and established ships, just like the Reply series.

#Hospital Playlist

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found--family · 4 years

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‘Supernatural’ season 15, episode 15 screener secrets: We’re ‘Highway to Heaven’-ing this bitch

[everything is from this Hypable article]

This week on Supernatural, Amara returns and are angels solving people crimes now? Hypable previewed Supernatural season 15, episode 15 “Gimme Shelter,” so read on to find out more.

After a sweet and fun return to ease us back into the world of Supernatural last week, things are heating up pretty dramatically – I knew there wouldn’t be much more time for messing around.

“Gimme Shelter” sees Supernatural dip its feet into what the Winchesters currently believe is their big plan – eliminating Chuck by also taking down Amara, resulting in what they believe will be a cosmic-being-free balanced world. But first, they have to find her. Sam and Dean get a pretty good lead on her location, which results in a very interesting conversation between Amara and the boys – especially with her most favoritest Dean, of course.

Meanwhile, Castiel is persuaded into taking Jack to investigate a nearby case in Missouri – which all three adults suspect is probably the work of a human criminal – for the sake of humoring Jack and keeping him both busy and supervised. On the way home, they have a very interesting conversation of their own.

Spoiler Warning: This article contains generalized spoilers for Supernatural season 15 episode 15, “Gimme Shelter.” If you do not wish to be spoiled at all, do not read this article in advance of the airdate.

The official synopsis for Supernatural season 15, episode 15 reads:

MATT COHEN DIRECTS — Castiel (Misha Collins) and Jack (Alexander Calvert) work a case involving members of a local church. Meanwhile, Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean (Jensen Ackles) go off in search of Amara (guest star Emily Swallow). Matt Cohen directed the episode written by Davy Perez (#1515). Original airdate 10/15/2020.

If you want to know what to expect from this week’s Supernatural, here’s 10 teasers plus 15 single word clues from our advance viewing of Supernatural season 15, episode 15 “Gimme Shelter.”

‘Supernatural’ season 15, [10] episode 15 screener secrets

1️⃣ During the filming of this episode (27 January – 5 February) Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles both spent much of the week at home with their families in Austin, a detail which was made clear on their and their wives’ public social media accounts – possibly the result of scheduled time off as they’ve mentioned occasionally requesting? The result is that the episode is weighted much more towards Cas, Jack and the murder investigation they’re chasing than towards Sam and Dean, but on the flip side, the Sam and Dean arc is more crucial to the long game of the show, so what it lacks in minutes, it makes up for in impact.

2️⃣ However, the episode still begins and ends in a grounded family group way, at home in the Bunker – one of those “we know we should be doing this together but there are Reasons we have to split up” situations. This detail, in my opinion, really speaks to the motivation of the creative team towards honoring the four leads as parts of a whole – in earlier days, this kind of episode would have been two entirely non-touching threads. This one is, if not a tapestry, at very least a braid – tied up together at both ends, and intertwined in the middle.

3️⃣ You might have seen pictures or ominous trailer footage of Castiel and Jack digging a hole at the crossroads. We all know what that means! However, don’t worry. They simply want to talk – and the demon they summon has some really interesting – and dare I say positive? – news about the state of Hell under Her Most Gracious Majesty Queen Rowena. Let’s just say the demon is actually pretty friendly… and extremely bored.

4️⃣ The two main guest stars on Cas and Jack’s side of the episode are both actors who have been briefly featured on the show before, in a couple of pretty famous episodes – one from season 2 and one from season 5. I don’t think there’s meant to be any meta or Easter Egg element to this, just the usual Vancouver casting industry cycle (see the ‘Weren’t You In Another Episode‘ reference page on the SuperWiki) but one of them is one of those cute “I appeared on Supernatural as a child and now I’m here as an adult” situations, and the other, well… the original character’s very name has become the stuff of Supernatural legend, and if I were in charge of this episode I would have put the actor in a particular piece of footwear and made sure we got a shot of it, just for kicks.

5️⃣ Castiel steps into a prayer circle when the church group members are meant to give a testimony – presumably of their journey so far and their relationship with faith. That’s what Cas chooses to share, at least – in a non-specific, humanized way – and fans of the character will be moved to hear the ways he verbalizes his own growth.

6️⃣ Speaking of growth, some of Dean’s is spelled out for him in the most miraculous way by Amara. After Sam and Dean meet up with her and have a conversation about Chuck that’s ultimately a bit of a non-starter, Dean returns to ask her another, more personal question. Her response gave me legitimate chills. It’s a very weighty mic drop and the combination of the level of impact and the level of clarity (it’s entirely airtight, no room for interpretation) feels like the culmination of all the self-actualization work the show has been doing on Dean in the last four years. (I wish I could tell you Sam got a big special moment like this in the episode, but he doesn’t. Amara’s return was always going to be Dean’s thing.) Amara’s speech to Dean… it doesn’t feel isolated, like the idea of it was invented just for this episode. It feels more like concrete evidence of what the show has been trying to prove for ages. And the funny thing is, Amara is the anti-Chuck, right, and all season, we’ve learned about the version of the story Chuck thinks is good, and we’ve been told to root against that. Chuck’s version of Supernatural isn’t how the writers really feel. But I think Amara’s might be. Dean has obviously struggled to see what she tells him, all in one piece, but here it is – this was the point, laid out on the table, from the entity behind the curtain – both onscreen and off. Amara knew what she was doing, and so did the writers. This was always, always the point.

7️⃣ Even before this massive scene, Amara’s return is just great. Emily Swallow does such an incredible job with this character – she really is the anti-Chuck even without the whole writer comparison. Swallow imbues this character with such an incredible peace and stillness in comparison to Chuck’s histrionics – this was true in the way she spoke and behaved even in season 11, but this Amara also feels kindness and patience and tolerance. She radiates power, even when she’s also slightly goofy. There’s no fight, there’s no antagonism, but the boys in her presence are like little fish in a vast ocean – they quickly realise they have no real control in this conversation. The way that we leave her indicates she’ll be back and has more to say or do, and what she shared during her reunion with Sam and Dean makes me really curious about the role she’s due to play in the show’s endgame.

8️⃣ I’m not very religious but I really like the version of a church group or ‘faith-based community,’ as they say, featured in “Gimme Shelter.” Supernatural has a shaky history in terms of how the show portrays people in-universe who believe. Sometimes they’re treated like a joke, or stupid, or dangerous, or hypocrites, but occasionally civilian acts of faith are shown as great and powerful things, even in a world where we know that what they believe in isn’t strictly accurate. That concept became an even bigger question mark for me when we got the reveal that Judeo-Christian God is not only absent, but our actual villain. However, this was a really nice look at why faith can still be a framework for a good way of life – loving thy neighbor – for some people, no matter the truth about Chuck. The episode also features a callback to writer Davy Perez’ very first Supernatural episode “American Nightmare” in terms of the way that some people have weaponized faith and religion to the detriment and harm of others or even themselves, but this factor does not negate the positive point mentioned above.

9️⃣ Supernatural alum and newly minted director Matt Cohen really got the full old-school Supernatural episode experience when it comes to leaning into the spooky horror element. The murderous case-of-the week featured in this episode is heavy and lingering on the gore and even contains a little bit of a jump scare, so view responsibly.

🔟 So, um, you know that line, in this week’s teaser trailer? The line that a lot of people are freaking out about because it seems to pertain to something important that we know about Cas’ fate that Dean and Sam aren’t aware of? Yeah, it is 100% absolutely not about that at all. It is about something super important, but it’s not that. It’s also the last line of the episode, but trust me – it’s not a cliffhanger and it’s not a red herring and it’s not a twist. The information is gleaned within the episode and you’ll know exactly what Cas is telling Dean about after seeing it – narratively, that’s the reason it isn’t in the episode, because the show clearly assumes you’ll get the picture and can skip a rehash of information. But what you were probably expecting – maybe even hoping for – it’s not that. You’re gonna have to hang on for that one.

Finally, have 15 random yet significant words from this week’s episode without any context whatsoever: Gaia, Ronald, mother, pierogies, cats, philosophy, target, blind, permission, lockdown, Kool-aid, buffet, gift, trial, choice.

‘Supernatural’ airs Thursday at 8/7c on The CW

#spn s15 #teasers #spn 15x15 #Hypable #preview #thoughts #s15 #15x15 #this gets long as well as spoilery hence the /under the cut/#destiel

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 4 years

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Psycho Analysis: Count Dracula

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

So, in all my time doing Psycho Analysis, there have been a few villainous characters that, while extremely obvious, have such large and daunting scopes that it seems a bit scary to think I could accurately analyze them. Characters like Disney’s Pete or Bowser come to mind. Both are obvious 11s, but where to even begin with them? And that is a similar problem I faced with the villain who is arguably the single most important foe to ever grace fiction: Count Dracula.

How on Earth is one supposed to talk about a character who has spanned so much media and has remained an enduring fixture of pop culture for over a century? The guy has been in movies, comics, books, video games, plays, cartoons, musicals, songs… and he hasn’t even been a villain in all of them! How does one talk about such a villain with such a broad, all-encompassing scope?

The obvious answer is, of course, to talk about him in a broad sense and how he has affected culture, of course! This one’s going to be a little different than usual since I’m focusing more on the concept of Dracula than one single version, so there’s a lot of Dracula’s to go over here:

Performance: Throughout the years, Dracula has had many actors take a shot at him, though I think the finest takes are courtesy of Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee. The former is basically what cemented Dracula as a sexy, Gothic horror icon, changing the far less attractive man from the book into a seductive monster that would color numerous adaptations after. Lee’s take brings the sexy, but is also far more violent and monstrous, mostly because Hammer horror films were all about that bright red blood, so gotta have someone spill it all!

If you’re looking for more flamboyant, hammy Draculas, Richard Roxbourg of Van Helsing and Duncan Regehr of The Monster Squad have you covered, playing Dracula at his most deliciously, monstrously evil. However, the hammiest (and thus most amazing) Dracula was Michael Guinn’s take in Symphony of the Night, with the entire opening exchange between him and Richter Belmont being a testament to the joys of chewing the scenery.

More comedic takes on Dracula have popped up over the years, with the most notable ones being Adam Sandler’s lovable, fatherly take on the character in the Hotel Transylvania films and Phil LaMarr’s performance on Billy and Mandy, where he plays a ridiculous, possibly senile version of Dracula who is abrasive and hilarious in equal measure.

Basically, when it comes to Dracula, you can easily find any sort of performance to suit your needs and give you what you’re looking for.

Best Scene: Over the years, Dracula has had a great many fantastic moments under his belt, so many fantastic scenes and boss battles… but for my money, the single greatest moment Dracula has ever been in is the opening battle of Symphony of the Night. Just watch this cheesy melodrama unfold and try and disagree with me:

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Though, of course, his death in the animated series sure is a contender:

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Best Quote: From the above scene, we have “What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets!” among moany other meme-worthy bits of dialogue from Dracula.

On the subject of Castlevania, from the TV show we have Dracula at his most tragic and pitiable, especially when he delivers these fantastically tragic lines like “ It's your room... My boy... I'm- I'm killing my boy... Lisa... I'm killing our boy. We painted this room. We... made these toys. It's our boy, Lisa... your greatest gift to me... and I'm killing him. I must already be dead.” and “Your greatest gift to me... and I'm killing him." as he does battle with his son, Alucard.

Then of course, we have the legendary moment from The Monster Squad where Dracula drops any pretense and starts strangling a little girl, screaming in her face "Give me the amulet, you bitch!" It’s so deliciously, horrendously evil!

Final Thoughts & Score: It’s very strange to think of how much all of fiction owes Dracula. The original book invented a lot of traits (the lack of reflection being one) and popularized others (such as shapeshifting and weakness to garlic), but at the same time also predates a lot of things modern vampire fiction takes for granted. The Dracula of the book has no weakness to sunlight and gets younger as he drinks blood, starting as an old man; in fact, Dracula in the book is entirely lacking in the Gothic sex appeal that almost every adaptation of the character after would give him. He was also not very seductive, instead outright attacking women if he wasn’t hypnotizing them. Hell, he wasn’t even explicitly Vlad the Impaler in the books!

More than any other villain I’ve covered so far, Dracula is truly deserving of an 11/10. Even Count Orlok owes him a debt, seeing as Nosferatu was just a blatant ripoff. Hell, aside from villains from old mythology, I don’t think any villain can lay claim to the sort of scope Dracula has, having forever altered vampire fiction even as certain elements of him become lost in translation.

But what of some of his other incarnations over the years? How do they fare in terms of score? Well, I’m certainly not going to be incredibly thorough and list every Dracula ever, but here are a few I’ve encountered:

Obviously it’s unfair to give the Bela Lugosi incarnation anything less than an 11/10, mainly because this is the Dracula who pretty much inspired most other interpretations of Dracula after him. He’s suave, Gothic, attractive in that dark and mysterious way… it’s no wonder Lugosi’s Dracula became such an iconic fixture of cinema. Then we have the other classic Dracula, Christopher Lee’s take. I think he’s only a 10/10 because I feel like Lee’s tenure is a bit more overlooked and Lugosi tends to supplant him in terms of iconic status.

Castlevania as a franchise is specifically built qround defeating Dracula as the heroic Belmont clan or some adjacent vampire hunter. So you’d better hope that the big bad and master of the magical castle the game takes place in is impressive, right? Well he most certainly is; while he’s not completely fleshed out in every appearance he has some, like his iconic portrayal in Symphony of the Night, really help sell the idea this incarnation of Dracula is a rather tragic villain, though at other times in the series he seems to revel in being a monster far more than that interpretation would allow. Notably, the Castlevania show went with the more tragic approach to great effect, with Graham McTavish delivering a fantastic performance that swings from being genuinely terrifying to hauntingly emotional (just watch the scene where he breaks down upon fighting Alucard and realizing he’s killing his own son). Both game (in a broad sense) and show Dracula get a 10/10, for different reasons.

Duncan Regehr portrayed the Dracula in The Monster Squad, and it is quite obvious he’s having a hell of a time. He’s just wonderfully hammy, and he might be one of the most evil Draculas ever seeing how he called a little girl a bitch and tried to slaughter children with dynamite. This one’s a 9/10 for sure. I honestly think he’s the best take on the character, but his movie is sadly too obscure to really give him that push to being a truly iconic portrayal. He just captures the menace and charisma of Dracula so well, it’s a shame more people don’t know about him.

Van Helsing had a Dracula, played to hammy perfection by Richard Roxburgh. Say what you will about the rest of the film, but any Dracula movie that features evil bat monster Dracula fighting fallen angel werewolf Hugh Jackman in a battle to the death over Frankenstein’s atomic heart is worth at least an 8/10. For a more minor role, we have the Dracula who appeared in the blaxploitation classic Blacula. While he only appears for a bit at the start, long enough to curse an African prince with vampirism and dub him “Blacula,” this Dracula firmly cements himself as one of the most evil Draculas ever, gleefully participating in the slave trade. I believe that’s another 8/10 right there. On a related note, Blacula serves as a chief inspiration to the Billy and Mandy incarnation of Dracula, who is a cranky old black man with a big mustache and lots of sass (in fact, he’s accidentally closer to the original book’s depiction than most other Draculas). Sadly, as a more neutral chaotic comedic figure, I can’t give him a rating, but boy is he a riot.

Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf features a more comedic and zany Dracula, one who participates in some good-old-fashioned Wacky Races cheating in an attempt to keep Shaggy as a werewolf forever. He’s mostly amusing for a oneshot villain, so I’d say 7/10 is fair. Speaking of oneshot villains, Dracula also showed up in an animated straight to video movie for The Batman, where he did things such as turn Joker into a vampire and get killed by Batman. He’s probably a 7/10 as well.

And then there are all the heroic takes on Dracula, such as the version from Dracula Untold or the “overbearing but endearing father” take on the character from the Hotel Transylvania movies (though that rap Adam Sandler does at the end of the first movie is pretty heinous).

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And this is not an extensive list by any means. There are so many Draculas I haven’t watched yet, so many different takes I haven’t read the adventures of. And that, I think, is what makes Dracula such a great villain. He is a character who any writer can bend and shape to fit a plot, a villain who can serve almost any purpose and who can fit in almost any fantasy story imaginable. Dracula is incredibly versatile, and whenever he shows up in a work, things almost always get better for a bit. And keep in mind, this is a character who has been around since the year 1897, and yet he is still a household name that even people who have never read the books or seen the movies can accurately describe and recognize.

Is Count Dracula the greatest villain in all of human history? It’s debatable for sure, but I don’t think there’s any denying he’s up there considering his scope and influence and how he helped mold modern vampire fiction into what it is today. If nothing else, Dracula is still wildly influential.

#Psycho Analysis #Dracula #Count Dracula #The Monster Squad #Bram Stoker #Van Helsing #Hammer #Christopher Lee #Bela Lugosi #Adam Sandler #Hotel Transylvania

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hyliangrace-a · 4 years

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ZELDA, HER APPEARANCE & HER FEELINGS REGARDING IT /

talking with amber about the differences between the appearances in our respective zeldas got me motivated to finish this headcanon, finally ! i love zelda’s ocarina of time design, because y’know, imprinting on your very first zelda game & all that, but there’s always room for improvement, right ? these are my ( questionable ) improvements ! this headcanon ... got away from me little bit when i started to talk out my reasoning for zelda’s choice in how she presented herself as queen. i intended on talking about how she looks in other verses, too, such as when she’s a spectre in the queen’s shade universe, but i feel that would suit better as an entirely separate post, so, that’ll come in time ! i hadn’t intended on putting this post under a read more, because i feel it’s a fairly important headcanon & i’d like people to read it, but - surprise ! - it’s really long, & it would feel really rude to just leave it uncut, so behind the black it goes - that, & it also deals with body issues & negative perceptions of one’s body, so please keep that in mind if you’re sensitive to that sort of content. that said, & i’m aware of the irony of this sentence after the last, but i hope you guys at least find it an enjoyable read ! ♡

the three basic tenets of her appearance which have appeared in most of her predecessors & descendants ( pale, blue-eyed, blonde-haired ) apply in most, if not all, of my verses for zelda but there are only a few verses of mine where i would say zelda’s appearance is exactly as it is within the game & the official art provided by nintendo - primarily the earliest arc of my canon verses, when she’s still the little princess, & the au which follows the events of the child timeline, where she never goes on the run & so never becomes sheik. she’s still quite fit, thanks to horseback riding & regular exercise, overseen by impa, but it’s in this au she most embodies the slim, graceful princess look nintendo gave her. one constant in all her adult verses, however, is her height - by the time she’s fully grown, she’s 5′8″.

in my other main, canon-inspired verses, well - zelda goes on the run at age ten, & it’s from that age impa begins to teach her how to fight, as she knows that she cannot protect her forever, & she’s going to need to become self-sufficient if she wants to survive. it starts off with basic things, graduating into an intense regime, but the result is, by the time link awakens from his slumber, zelda, even whilst disguised as sheik, is broad-shouldered & visibly muscled. i choose to interpret the tanned skin, red eyes & shorter hair as part of a glamour zelda put up, out of fear that ganondorf was searching for girls matching her description á la wind waker, but the muscles get to stay because whilst her appearance might be fake when under this alias, her feats are not. she did, after all, manage to survive seven years in a monster-infested hyrule, stay in the heart of death mountain without a visible goron tunic, & for whatever reason, was at kakariko village before link when the seal holding bongo-bongo back began to break, & i choose to interpret that as her being prepared to fight it. she also managed to make it through the haunted wasteland to the desert colossus / the spirit temple, sans lens of truth, & as she presents as an androgynous, masculine-leaning figure, she might have also had to prove her worth to the gerudo in battle, just as link did - after all, even though the gerudo, such as nabooru, openly disavow ganondorf by that point in time, it would be madness to declare her true self in his hometown.

this piece of fanart by lord-lorens is, honestly, the closest thing to how i picture zelda’s body type whilst she masquerades as sheik, & afterwards, when she reassumes her identity as princess. ( is there a gossip stone out there saying princess zelda has an eight pack ? there’s nothing in canon to disprove this, so yes. ) the only thing which stops it being entirely perfect for me is my headcanons of where across her body zelda is scarred ( which could be another, much smaller headcanon, so i’ll leave it for that ) but considering everyone’s interpretation of how zelda lived as sheik is varied, it was bound to happen - but god, minus those, i just want to pin this somewhere on my blog with an enormous sign next to it which says ❛ this is how my zelda looks, as both sheik & a princess. ❜ but, with that in mind, lets move on.

i think it’s interesting how similar zelda’s outfit is as an adult ( which she ISN’T, she’s SEVENTEEN, but i digress - ) to the one she wears as a child, & my interpretation of it is that it’s very deliberate - & another glamour. ( seriously, where the fuck would she get a dress like that ? ) zelda hasn’t been seen in public, as herself, in seven years. the last people saw of her, as mentioned by those in castle town prior to drawing the master sword, is her fleeing the castle on horseback with her attendant, & that might have been the first glimpse some people had of her at all. when ganondorf is sealed away, & she re-emerges, she’s dressed similarly in order to spark recognition in people’s minds, & also because she knows that it may be difficult to prove she is who she claims to be, considering the king is dead, & impa has ascended as a sage, & can’t vouch for her. surviving nobles who interrogate her on her memories are able to confirm her claim to the throne, but if she had just strolled into kakariko village in casual dress, it’s very likely she would have absolutely been dismissed.

because of this, zelda’s feelings towards her appearance end up... complicated. in the aforementioned child timeline au verse, where she has a privileged, but more normal, adolescent socialization, she’s quite accepting of her own appearance & how feminine it is, because in that timeline, she fits the mold of what people expect a princess to be - she’s tall, she’s graceful, she’s pretty, & she’s rewarded for fitting that ideal. in her canon universe, where a life on the run left her with an entirely different body type, an indifference to feminity, many insecurities about her suitability as queen of hyrule, especially in her first years of being on the throne, & a desire to conform to others expectations of her ... it’s a perfect storm, whose origins can be traced directly to her choice to homage her childhood dress during her reappearance in hylian society.

insecurity & fear feeds a lot of her choices in how she presents herself at the beginning of her reign. her body type is what some would call androgynous, others vaguely masculine - broad shoulders & small breasts which combine to give the illusion of her hips being narrower than they are, & she though she herself is content with that, she fears scorn by others because of it, so she works to minimize these features, & she plays up to feminity. her wardrobe primarily consists of dresses, gowns & robes, all loose fitting, all sleeved to at least the elbow, preferably in a style which leaves her biceps covered, & indistinct beneath the fabric. the gold pauldrons she wears as an adult feature in most, if not all, of her garments until her official coronation, seven years after ganondorf was sealed away - they provide her a measure of security, give her a regal appearance, & do a lot of heavy lifting, in conjunction with the sleeves of her gowns, to hide her shoulders & biceps, to the point where people are surprised at just how muscled she is when they come off - she hides the results, but even as queen, she still trains as she did when she was in hiding. most people are accepting of how she looks, but as is always the way, the few harsh comments she hears deafen her to the compliments - the only thing zelda wants, in the end, is for hyrule to recover, & for her people to thrive, & for that, she needs to be a good queen to them. to be a good queen, she must live up to their expectations. her attempts to live up to that via her appearance lead to her first breakdown, three months after her coronation.

it’s not just her appearance, of course - there’s enough stress to go around trying to get hyrule back on its feet again in a fair way, whilst trying to make her own mark as queen & live up to her parents’ peacekeeping legacy - but the nitpicking from a few members of her court, & the constant moving of goalposts as she attempts to satisfy their criticisms of her appearance, is the catalyst for her eventual declaration that she is done trying to satisy other people’s unreasonable explanations. the queenly mask she wears for other people’s benefit is suffocating her, so she decides to break it, & forge a new one. if she is going to be feminine, it is because she chooses to be, not because people expect her to be. if she wishes to dress as a man does, who can stop her ? if androgyny is what she feels, she will not deny herself. so, after a good cry, zelda does what every twenty-four year old going through a tough time does - she cuts her hair. she no longer tries to hide her body or disguise her frame. she is the queen, & the people will accept her as she is.

& most do ! hyrule has some strange looking people in it. a queen with a pixie cut is not the end of the world. she keeps it short for a good while, as a symbol of both her & hyrule’s fresh start, but eventually she begins to let it grow out again, with its length varying at ... well, various important points in her life. a short bob when she begins the programme to build new villages & settlements in hyrule. shoulder length when she begins courting to secure the throne for the future. waist length when she marries. she cuts it to above her shoulders once more when her first child is born, & keeps it mostly at that length until the end of her life, mostly for practical reasons. she was never ashamed of her body, before or after she became queen, as it was proof of her survival, but she became a lot more confident in herself as queen after she stopped letting other people, & her own well-intentioned, if misguided, fantasies of what a queen should look like dictate her life. that doesn’t mean to say that was that, every dark thought about her appearance swept away - there were days afterwards where she still despaired of her appearance, of the image she was projecting to others, of the judgements being passed on her & her country that came from her looks alone - but they were infrequent compared to the constant anxiety she felt about her appearance prior to the night she took a knife to her hair. they also weren’t enough to stop her from maintaining her physique, either - the training regime she began as a child continued into her late sixties, when she finally felt confident enough in the kingdom’s safety to stop, but the results of it meant that zelda was powerfully built through her whole life. even the birth of her children, which softened her body, couldn’t diminish much of her muscled appearance. shedding the weight of others opinions ( of her appearance, at least ) allowed her to stand tall until the end of her days. her body told the story of her life, & eventually, she was proud to let people see it.

#⌜ ❛ ʏᴏᴜ ʙʀɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜɪsᴛᴏʀʏ & ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ɪᴛ ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴛᴇʀᴍs. ❜ ⌟ ✦ ( headcanon. )#( will i ever do a short headcanon ? all indicators point to no #can you believe i wrote all this just to say that zelda is shredded & also had a pixie cut once #the irish inability to be concise strikes again )#self-esteem issues /#self image issues /#body issues /#negative body image /

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headoverjojo · 5 years

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I’m a big fan of cute fluffy stuff, can I get some fluffy Domestic head cannons with Bruno and his gang?

Hello hello dear! Awwwwww, sooooft :,) I hope it is what you wanted! In case, please dm me and I’ll write right what you want :3

Fluffy domestic headcanons for Bruno’s gang

(Under the cut for length!)

Bruno Bucciarati

Every morning, when he wakes up, Bruno spends at least ten minutes watching the sea from his window. Seeing the sea, doesn’t matter if placid or stormy, gives him the strength to start the day. It’s also a way to honor his passed father: he feels connected to him, for some minutes, and it gives him peace.

Even if he usually has lunch out, almost always with his team, he prefers to eat dinner at home. On his home road, he stops by some small stands to buy sometimes some veggies, sometimes a bit of meat, when he feels like he wants to eat fish then he stops directly at the docks, where he knows some trustworthy fishermen, and buys here the fish. He likes to take his time while cooking, humming and putting on background a soft low CD. It’s the moment when he finally starts to relax for real.

Evening are usually spent chilling on the couch -or on the porch, if the weather is warm enough- reading or watching a show that keeps his interest. Bruno never goes to bed late, as he follows a rigorous routine -and he needs his beauty sleep-, so, around 10-11 p.m., the day, for him, is ended and it’s time to sleep. He usually sleeps with a light pajamas even in winter, and he’s one of the lucky people who fall pretty fast asleep.

If he’s a s/o, he’d share all those moments with them: he’d brew coffee for two and would take them a mug, watching with them the sea in a still half-asleep state, hugging them, in the evening he’d prepare dinner -with them if they are at home-, while quietly chatting and chuckling with them, and would go to sleep early, hugging them tightly and keeping them safe in his embrace which tastes like home.

Leone Abbacchio

Abbacchio doesn’t get a lot of sleep, definitely not as much as he’d need, due both to insomnia and recurrent nightmares. When he wakes up, early in the morning, he’s groggy and grumpy and doesn’t like to talk to anyone before his second cup of coffee. If someone dares to do so, he just grumbles, but by now all the gang knows how to interpret his morning mumbles and growls.

He learned how to cook when he was at the police academy -he’s not from Naples and he had to move in when he was accepted in the academy, so he had to learn fast how to live alone- but by now he’s a bit rusty. He just… doesn’t enjoy to cook just for himself. So he usually prepares something simple -but he’s actually pretty good when someone is his guest- and then does at least one hour of work out, following his old policeman habits. Doing his exercises helps him, other than keep his body in shape, to relax his mind in the reassuring routine.

Sleep doesn’t come easy, even when he’s so tired that he’d just like to hit the wall with his head to fall asleep. He has a small television in his room, which he synthonize on the most boring channel he can find while zapping, hoping that a 4 hours documentary about the daily life of sloths could lull him to sleep, in vain. He usually ends up watching all the show or reading all the book he had picked up -usually one of Fugo’s tomes-, falling asleep usually around 4-5 a.m.

Almost paradoxically, with a s/o things would be slight better, especially if his s/o is patient with his shenanigans. If they chuckle at his grumbles, instead of being annoyed, they’d make him start the day with a smile instead of a pout; a kiss before going on mission or wherever he has to meet with the others would improve considerably his day; dining with someone and not alone would greatly improve his mood and he may find again his hobby for cooking; sleeping with someone would tame his demons and nightmares. He’d fall asleep faster and more serenely when his s/o gently caress his hair and rub his scalp, making him feel safe, at home.

Guido Mista

Mista is not a morning guy. He’s also not a person who oversleeps too; he’s up around 8-9 a.m., not at the ungodly 5-6 a.m of Bruno and Abbacchio but not even around 10-11 a.m as Narancia. Once he gets his 6-7 hours of sleep, he’s up. In the morning, he likes to take things easy, if he hasn’t a mission or a meeting: he takes his time to brew coffee, he eats his biscuits sitting on the windowsill, after giving his Pistols their beloved salame, usually he has to divide the babies that are fighting -usually 3 and 5- and then, finally, he takes a shower. His morning routine requires more or less one hour.

Especially if he’s back from a mission, he loves to take his time also to go home -or the HQ, if he feels like to stay here for the night-. He wanders through the so known streets, sometimes stopping to chat with someone he knows, sometimes stopping just to admire the landscape… he loves it. It reminds him that he made it again, that he has more time to live and that he’s finally home. Then, he usually heads to the HQ for dinner, as he doesn’t like to dine alone. Meals are something to share with his family!

He doesn’t have a precise time to sleep. It may be early, if he’s tired, but also late, if there’s a show he likes or he’s busy chatting with Narancia and Fugo. On weekends he usually sleeps at his small flat, but during working day he usually stops by the HQ also for sleeping, since it’s more convenient. In any case, he tends not to go to sleep after 12-1 a.m., even if his friends are still up, and sleeps just in his boxer. He’s a warm boy.

If he has a s/o, he’d sleep at home with them, no stories. He loves to wrap his arms around them while sleeping, keeping them warm and safe! In summer this could be a problem, but in winter it’s so damn perfect. And waking up near Mista is wonderful! His sleepy smile is the cutest thing around. And the Pistols would surely go to them to be spoiled, nestling on their hair and shoulders, making Mista huff and grumble about their behaviour. They’re like children, in the end!

Narancia Ghirga

Narancia is definitely not a morning guy. If he hasn’t a mission -and even so, he’d grumble, even if not actually complaining about- he loves to sleep long in the morning, all wrapped around his pillow, a happy smile on his face. Usually, it’s Fugo the one who throws him off of bed, mumbling that it’s late and he has to get ready, while opening the window. Even if he whines and complains, Narancia gets up and immediately shoves his face in the sink full of cold water, both in summer and winter: it’s his only way to wake up properly. Then he usually dresses quickly, running down in time for lunch with all the gang.

In the afternoon, after a mission or a meeting, he likes to go out to have some fresh air or, if he’s pissed off, to steam a little. If Mista is available, he’d go around with him; if not, he’d go to a secluded place where he can make Aerosmith fly as he likes, training on aim and range. He always felt like he was the only one Bucciarati didn’t “want” in the gang -he knows that Bruno did it not ‘cause he thought he was weak, but because he wanted him to have a normal life far from mafia, but it still stings- so he wants to prove both to him and to himself too that he is, instead, worth of his place. He’d come to the HQ when darkness is about to fall, to help Fugo cooking.

Narancia in fact is a person who falls asleep easily and on any surface. He just doesn’t want to sleep! Life is too short and he’ll sleep when he’s dead, he always says it. He stays up to chat with Fugo or Mista, huffing when they go to their room, usually after midnight - 1 a.m., and so he stays up watching some show on the TV or playing a video-game. If Bruno is in the HQ, he has to be careful not to be catched, or papa Bruno will scold him! But usually he’s pretty good at keeping things silent, during night, until he falls asleep face on pillow.

If he has a s/o, his days would be way funnier! He’d never make them feel alone or “forgotten”, as they’re his sun and moon. In the morning, he’d try to keep them in bed a bit longer, to cuddle a bit, while pouting in his adorable way that always, always makes them melt in a puddle of sweetness. He’d try to spend as much time with them as possible, since he’s often out for missions! With them and his friends and family. It’d be the perfect day! And then dine all together, chatting on the couch or on the balcony after dinner, staying up and cuddling together… Narancia can’t think about something better. Who needs heaven, when his is already on Earth?

Pannacotta Fugo

Fugo is definitely a morning person. Since his early childhood, he was used to get up rightly at 7 a.m. and by now he can wake up precisely at that hour even without alarm. He usually needs a good cup of strong coffee, in the morning, to properly get up, since it’s sure that he stayed up late, the previous night, to read. After a light and quick breakfast, he usually takes a shower, but then, once he’s all ready and dressed, he spends a bit of time just watching as the city slowly wakes up. By 7.30 a.m. the city starts to really get into business and Fugo is fascinated by how people run back and forth, how life pulses so hard and strong… even if he actively started to be part of that pulse, sometimes he still feels like he’s just a viewer of a bigger show. Not a bad show… just one he’s still not completely accustomed to actively join.

After a mission or a hard meeting, Fugo loves, and needs, to have even just half an hour for himself, to cool down. He usually goes to some park or to the library, to finally find some peace. He loves to lose among the books labyrinths, to pick a book and read a small part and then put it back, to explore new parks and find the most quiet spots… it makes him feel at ease, like he can breathe again. This, however, doesn’t last long; as much as he loves to spend some time alone, he also came to appreciate the time he spends with his family. And so, he soon goes back to the HQ, to join Mista, Narancia or Giorno in some chats; sometimes, if the topic can pick enough his interest, he slips into the teenager he really is, almost surprising even his teammates.

Fugo suffers of insomnia. He always did but, while before he grew angrier and angrier when he couldn’t sleep, ending up in total sleepless night because of his nervousness, now he just shrugs it off and waits in a resigned patience. Soon or later he’ll sleep, he always says. And so he usually stays up late, chatting with Mista, Narancia or Giorno, when Gold Experience’s user doesn’t go to sleep early, and then, more or less around midnight, he retires in his room. Here he lays down with a good book and reads and reads, going on until his eyelids are about to finally fall down. In the end, this method guarantees him at least 4-5 hours of sleep every night. Not enough, he perfectly knows, but still way more than before.

If he has a s/o, he’d adapt his routine to theirs. If they have a day off and they can wake up later, he’d stay more in bed -if he doesn’t have any morning errand to do-, just hugging them and relishing in their warmth until they wake up. He’d love to spend his time with them and less time alone, as their presence represents the peace he needs. If they also want to go to the library or to the park, then it’s wonderful! Spending time with them in a quiet place is the best he can ask for. Dinners would be even better, now that they’re here! And after dinner chats too, it’d all be better, with them around. More colorful, brighter. And he’d sleep even a bit more, especially if they let him nestle on their chest, relaxing under their caresses and cuddles or if they softly read aloud a book, lulling him to sleep. Fugo’s quite cute while he sleeps, his lips softly bent in a small pout, his pale eyebrows which furrow and relax… plus, especially if he’s really tired, he tends to hug tightly, as to never let them go and keep them safe and sound.

Giorno Giovanna

Mista sometimes pokes fun at him for this, but Giorno rises literally with the sun. In winter he rises later and in summer earlier, rightly following the sun, without forcing himself. It’s just like he feels it! He usually dresses and takes a shower, before going down to have breakfast, mostly because he wears curlers. Three big curlers on his forehead, those donuts don’t form by themselves! Even if he likes to make the others think so. He usually has breakfast with Fugo or, if he’s at the HQ, Bruno, quietly chatting and drinking his beloved morning tea. His day can’t start before a good cup of tea and a sweet, he needs it!

Giorno has a deep passion for gardening and mostly without using his Gold Experience. It doesn’t seem, but, even when he was at the high school campus, he was the one who always helped the gardeners with plants and flowers. He has a natural talent with it! Even at the HQ, Giorno found a small space to transform in “his” garden -which is, in fact, the communal garden- and, when he has a bit of time or needs to relax after a mission or a meeting, he hides here, among his beloved plants. Sometimes it can happen that he cheats using GE to refresh some flowers he particularly likes, but it’s really rare. He feels so good and at ease among plants, his little garden is the most beautiful of all the neighborhood! For once he feels good in something, after a childhood and early teenage years spent always hearing that he wasn’t enough and that he wouldn’t ever done anything good in life. It’s his way to take his “revenge” on those words.

Like he rise with the sun, when the sun starts to set down he starts to feel sleepy. In summer it’s not a problem, but in winter it can be an issue that could need even a cup or two of coffee to be solved. He tries to stay up as much as he can, as Giorno loves to hanging out with his friends, chatting, laughing, being for a bit the young boy he still is… but when Mista has to nag his shoulder to keep him awake, Giorno calls out the day and, after bidding his goodnight, retires for the night. After putting on the curlers, he nestles under the blankets, hugging his pillow or, even if no one knows it, a peluche; his mother never showed affection to him, she almost never took him in her arms and so, to fight the deep touch starvation he felt, little Giorno hugged pillows and peluches, wishing to be hugged back. It’s a habit he still has, even after so many years.

If he has a s/o, hugs are the keyword. Even if he comes out as wary, at first, once the relationship is stable and he trusts them with his whole heart, touches are really common among them. Giorno wakes up all wrapped around them, mumbling in his sleep, and it’s such a cute sight that his s/o can just melt in a puddle. They have to cuddle him! And waking up while feeling their lips on his cheeks or on his forehead, under his curlers, while their hands gently rub his scalp or back, is the most beautiful feeling in all the world. The day then goes on with a quiet breakfast -where Giorno often loses himself softly caressing their free hand- and then, when he’s done with missions and meetings, if they’re willing to he’d love to spend some time with them in the garden, simply chilling out or actively gardening, he doesn’t care as long as he’s with them. Dinners are wonderful, now that he has a family to share them with; and he’s so cute when he starts to get sleepy, losing his usual composure and yawning while rubbing his eyes and face to stay awake! When they’re finally in bed, he loves to nestle near them, hugging them tightly and visibly sighing in relief when they hug him back. It’s like a dream become true…

#jjba #vento aureo #bruno's gang #bruno bucciarati #leone abbacchio #guido mista #narancia ghirga #pannacotta fugo #giorno giovanna #fluff hcs #domestic hcs #headcanons #sfw #fanboyistransboy

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allmidaddies · 4 years

Text

party favors for you.

There was a soft wooshing sound and then a small piece of crumpled up notebook paper bounced off of your glasses, falling onto the table in front of you. Before you could ask any questions there was another woosh of air and a second piece of paper hit your nose.

Mat’s snicker gave him away as you lifted your head, glaring at him and lamely attempting to throw the paper back at him.

“Stop it.”

“But I’m bored,” Mat pouted in protest, leaning back in his chair. He had his feet stretched out so that they could rest against the chair that was beside you, wilted autumn leaves stuck to the bottom and now all over the floor. You had tried to get him to move his feet so you could put your backpack there but he was a stubborn pest. And it was really hard to argue with him when he looked as cute as he did. His hood was tugged up around his neck and the joggers he was wearing had fit maybe a size smaller than he should have purchased but you were not complaining.

The straw in his hand was undoubtedly the tool he was using just a few seconds previous. In fact, he was loading it up again as you watched him.

“You should really study, our midterm is on Friday,” you said, reaching out and snatching the straw from his unsuspecting fingers.

“Hey!” Mat began to protest, reaching over the table to grab it but the stern look he received from the girl sitting just a table over from the two of you in the library made him sit back in defeat. You smiled proudly, throwing it in the trash can that was just within your reach.

“You,” Mat said, a grin on his face, “Are no fun.”

His fingers came to run through his soft hair as it fell over his forehead.

“I don’t think that’s true,” you hummed, turning your attention back to your laptop, reaching blindly for your coffee. It was a bit late in the day to be having an iced latte but you needed it. You were copying the notes you had taken in class into an organized study guide, attempting to give yourself a chance at passing the upcoming exam. Which, by the way, Mat was also supposed to be studying for but instead he had been making tiny spitballs for the last thirty minutes.

You and Mat had met only a few weeks ago. The first day of fall term he sat himself down in the empty seat beside you in your 8 am business law lecture, later on nominating himself to be your partner for the term long project.

“Is this seat taken?” A low, rough voice to your left asked. It belonged to a tall, tired boy who had a coffee cup dwarfed by his large hand, tufts of dark brown hair sticking out from the hood he had tugged over his head. He startled you, your mind still foggy as your own coffee hadn’t quite kicked in yet.

“What? Yeah, no-” you stumbled over your words, “Sorry, I meant, no, no one is sitting there. It’s all yours.”

The boy standing over you grinned, chuckling to himself as he dropped his backpack onto the ground. You didn’t miss the logo that was printed on it: UVIC Hockey 13. Interesting. You didn’t know any hockey players. To be quite honest you didn’t know any student athletes at all. Sure you recognized them but personally you couldn’t call any of them friends.

“Coffee hasn’t kicked in yet, eh?” He asked, nodding towards your drink. You smiled, laughing softly,

“No. And I’m not entirely convinced that this is going to be enough.”

“Mat, by the way,” he stuck his hand out to you by means of introduction.

“Y/N.”

His hand was warm and calloused, engulfing your own as he shook it firmly. His eyes lingered on your face for a moment before he pulled his attention away to retrieve his laptop. You couldn’t help but peer over at his screen to see that his background was a picture of him and a few of his teammates, dressed and ready for a game.

“So hockey?” You asked softly. You were well aware that there were not many students in the classroom yet and you didn’t need anyone eavesdropping your conversation.

“Yeah,” Mat said and for a moment you didn’t think he was going to say anything else but then he looked over at you again, a bright smile on his face.

“You a fan?”

“I try to keep up but if you asked me to name five players on my favorite team I couldn’t tell you,” you admitted. That was the thing you hated about men who liked sports. They always wanted you to pass some sort of unspoken test before you were deemed a legitimate fan.

“I won’t make you do that,” Mat laughed, “But I will ask who your favorite team is.”

“I know I should say the Canucks since they’re the closest team but it’s actually the Islanders,” you confessed, mindlessly opening your laptop and creating a new folder for your class.

Mat started laughing, it was muffled as he pulled his hoodie over his mouth to silence himself but it earned your attention.

“What? Are you going to tease me for my team choice? I know they haven’t made it to the finals in like two decades but I am loyal to my team,” you defended.

“No,” Mat spoke through laughter, “You just-you must really not keep up much.”

You furrowed your brows, feeling slightly offended.

“I was drafted by them,” Mat said. There was no cockiness or ego behind his words, only humor from the situation. You were an Islanders fan and yet you had no idea that you were sitting in your 8 am lecture with their first round draft pick.

“Oh my god you were!” You exclaimed, your voice carrying and receiving looks from the other students in the room.

“Sorry,” you mumbled against your palm as you covered your mouth, “Sorry I guess I didn’t recognize you. Your hair was shorter...and you had less facial hair.”

You gestured towards the faint stubble he had going on, his hand subconsciously coming up to scratch it.

“Well it’s been a few years,” he shrugged.

“I’ll be able to tell my dad I sat next to the Mat Barzal in my lecture and I let him borrow my laptop charger,” you said. It was Mat’s turn to look confused,

“Laptop charger?”

“Your laptop is going to die,” you said, nodding towards the icon that showed he only had about a 9% charge.

“How do you know I don’t have a charger?” Mat asked, eyeing you closely.

“Do you?” You challenged. Mat frowned, his voice dropping,

“No.”

You laughed softly, shaking your head, and digging for your own,

“You men are so predictable.”

II.

The past few weeks had been nothing but cold and wet so when the sun decided to come out for the weekend you had suggested to Mat that the two of you go grab coffee and breakfast. It was already three weeks into the term and you were anxious to get started on the project you had been assigned in your shared class.

On the second day of lectures your professor had asked everyone to pair up so that you could get started on the case study project he was assigning. Mat had leaned over and asked which case you wanted to do before you even had the opportunity to glance around the room. Not that you were opposed to working with him, you just hadn’t expected him to choose you to work on the project with. Given the fact you had only known him for a few days.

It worried you a bit that he had such a busy schedule with hockey games and practice, not allowing the most flexibility for working on a big project. So, he had told you this weekend he didn’t have any games and just a few afternoon practices. Your suggestion for a breakfast study session had been met with much resistance on his part but you were not taking no for an answer.

Despite his unwillingness to be up before ten am on a weekend, he was early to pick you up. And now the two of you were sitting on the sidewalk downtown, each with coffee and breakfast sitting before you.

Your nose was buried in your laptop, unaware that Mat was staring at you. He had his laptop open, a pen between his fingers that he was mindlessly twirling around as he admired the way the sun was hitting your face. The bun you’d thrown your hair into tilted to the side, baby hairs blowing across your forehead in the breeze.

It amazed him how motivated and studious you were. He was motivated when it came to hockey but he struggled to remain focused on his school work for more than an hour at a time. And he always saved everything for the last minute. When he had chosen you to be his partner for this assignment he hadn’t done so with the intention that you would shoulder most of the work but with his busy schedule he couldn’t help but fall short more often than not.

It made him feel bad because you were so nice and so sweet, assuring him that it was not a big deal and you didn’t mind.

“So,” you spoke up, snapping Mat from his trance. He blinked twice, running his fingers through his hair.

“Yeah?”

“What do you think of that?” You asked, speaking slowly and looking at him inquisitively. Mat blushed,

“I wasn’t listening.”

“Mathew,” you frowned. He gave a sheepish smile,

“I’m sorry. I’m tired.”

“Excuses, excuses, Barzal,” you teased, sitting up and reaching over to flip open his textbook.

“I was just saying that we should do something like this case study,” you repeated. Mat nodded, watching your fingers dance across the page as you spoke. He was listening this time. Everything you said sounded so intelligent and he didn’t understand how you could absorb and interpret some of the information so easily. He could read the same passage a hundred times over, only to feel more confused as he went while his eyes begged to fall shut. But you, he could listen to you talk about piercing the corporate veil all day long.

“Honestly,” Mat chuckled, “You know better than I do. I don’t know how you understand any of this stuff.”

You laughed, taking a sip of your coffee,

“The same way you can look at the plays your coach tells you to run and understand what the hell he’s talking about. And then execute it. It just takes patience and practice.”

Mat rubbed his hands over his face, sitting up straighter,

“Okay. Explain it to me again. Like I’m twelve.”

“Like you’re twelve...or like you’re four?” You grinned, earning an eye roll and a laugh from Mat as he threw his napkin at you.

“I’m not that stupid,” he pouted. You smiled, looking at him for a moment. His hair was falling over his forehead, the sun making it look shinier than usual. Even though it was a little chilly, he was still in just a grey t-shirt but it complimented his skin tone and fit across his shoulders like a dream.

“I didn’t say you were stupid, Barzy,” you said, “Because you’re not. You’re just wired differently. Maybe business law isn’t your calling, but hockey is. And that’s why you got drafted, and that’s why you’re going to play in the NHL once you’re done with your time here. And until you go, I’m going to help you pass this class.”

After only knowing him for a few weeks you still felt a punch in your gut every time you thought about him leaving for New York. He said he didn’t know when he might call his college career quits and you dreaded the day it came. Even if he was a pain to study with, and you were doing most of the heavy lifting on this project, you enjoyed spending time with him.

And when you watched the smile spread across his face you couldn’t help but think he enjoyed spending time with you too.

III.

You were planning on pulling a late night at the library. There was no upcoming deadline for anything but you wanted to get ahead on some classwork. With Halloween the next weekend you didn’t want to have any homework preventing you from having a fun weekend of dressing up with your friends and going out to the bars.

And just as you were settling into your market analysis coursework your phone started ringing. Obnoxiously loud for the quiet floor of the library.

“Sorry,” you whispered to the students who glared in your direction. You scrambled to silence the ringing before looking at the name that was flashing across your screen.

Mat Barzal

Confusion crossed your features. Didn’t he have a game tonight?

“Hello?” You answered quietly, getting up and moving away from the tables so as to not distract the other students.

“Hey can- why are you whispering?” Mat asked, a quiet laugh falling from his lips.

“I’m in the library,” you said. Mat almost rolled his eyes. He should have known. You were always at the library. He told you every day that you studied too hard, to which you always retorted that he just didn’t study enough. And while Mat couldn’t exactly argue with that he did believe you spent too much time with your nose buried in your studies.

“Oh…” Mat trailed off.

“Why? Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for a game?” You asked.

“Yeah but I left my airpods in class today and I need them so I can go do my thing. You didn’t happen to grab them, did you?” He asked, his tone hopeful.

“Oh! Yeah! I figured I’d give them back to you tomorrow,” you said, “But I have a feeling you need them now?”

“Uh…” Mat hesitated, “Yeah… but if you’re studying I don’t want to interrupt, it’s okay.”

“Mat,” you laughed, “I can bring them to you. I’m not going to let this superstition be the thing that makes you guys lose tonight.”

Mat laughed, thinking back to a few days before when he had explained, in great detail, all of his superstitions. One of them being his ritual of sitting on the bench and visualizing for at least twenty minutes before every game prior to getting ready.

“You’re an angel,” Mat sighed. Your heart fluttered at his words but you pushed the feeling away,

“Just tell me where to go. I can come now.”

The cold October wind pierced right through the UVIC hoodie you were wearing as you walked to the arena. In all honesty you weren’t sure you had ever been to a hockey game apart from the one you had come to with your dad during Family Weekend your freshman year. Long before you knew Mat.

As you reached the bottom of the stairs that led into the basement, towards the locker rooms, you found Mat. He was leaning against the wall, waiting for you. There was a hat covering his hair and he already had KT tape running up his thighs, which were largely exposed by the compression shorts he was wearing.

“You are a lifesaver,” Mat said, wrapping you in a hug as you handed him the small, white charging holder. Your arms found their way around his waist, feeling his hard muscles beneath your fingers.

“I tried catching you after class but your legs are much longer than mine,” you teased, looking up at him. He still hadn’t released you from his hold but you didn’t mind. He smelled good, and his hoodie was soft against your cheek.

“I really appreciate this,” Mat said. He paused like he might say something else. You leaned back to get a better look at his face, eyebrows raised.

“What?”

“Well,” Mat said slowly, “I was just thinking since I already interrupted your studying you should just stay for the game.”

You bit the inside of your cheek. It was a long walk back to the library. And there was less than an hour until the game started. If you texted your roommates you were sure at least one of them would come and sit with you. They had listened to you gush about Mat for nearly two months now and you were sure they were dying to see him in person.

“You don’t have to,” Mat said quickly, noting your hesitancy. It made his heart drop just a bit but he tried not to let it get to him.

“No, it’ll be fun,” you assured him, catching the hint of sadness that flashed through his eyes.

“And if you hang around after the game we can get food or something,” Mat said. You couldn’t fight the smile on your face as you nodded.

“Okay.”

“Is that all it takes?” Mat laughed, “A promise for food?”

“Maybe,” you grinned, leaning into him once again. Mat hugged you tighter for a second before releasing you.

“Okay, well I need to go...do my thing...but I’ll see you after?”

You nodded, backing away slowly until you hit the door,

“Good luck superstar.”

Mat laughed, shaking his head,

“Thank you.”

It had been a long time since you had watched a hockey game in person. When you were growing up your family would go watch the Canucks whenever the Islanders came to town. College was certainly a different experience but you were so focused on Mat you hardly noticed anything else.

“Will you stop drooling?” Maria laughed, bumping her knee against yours. Two of your roommates had come to your rescue, accompanying you for the game so you didn’t have to sit alone.

“I’m not,” you hissed, glancing over your shoulder. You didn’t doubt that there were other girls around who couldn’t keep their eyes off of Mat either. Someone as attractive as him surely had no problem getting laid so it wouldn’t surprise you if you weren’t the only girl there to see him.

Even though most of Mat’s free time was spent with you, you didn’t know what he was really doing when he claimed he was busy. And you tried not to let it bother you. Especially since you were just friends, project partners really.

“He definitely left his airpods on purpose,” Kate said, leaning over you so that Maria could hear her too.

“He did not,” you scoffed. The thought had definitely crossed your mind. How did he even forget them? They had been sitting right there on the table when he said bye to you after class. And how did he not notice they were missing all day? Your lecture was at 8 in the morning. These were all questions you had been running through since you sat down on the hard bleachers.

Kate and Maria shared a glance but they didn’t say anything more. They didn’t get the chance because you were practically jumping out of your seat when Mat scored a goal, allowing UVIC to take the lead.

And you swore you saw him look up at the stands, his eyes searching for you, a smile spreading across his face when he spotted you, just as his teammates attacked him with hugs.

“Definitely on purpose,” Kate mumbled.

After the game Kate and Maria slipped off, telling you they’d see you at home. “Or not!” Maria had shouted as you started to make your way back down to the hallway Mat had told you to meet him in.

You tried to tell yourself that him asking you to stay for the game meant nothing, but there were butterflies in your stomach at the prospect of getting food with him afterwards.

“Hey,” Mat’s voice startled you, just as it had that first day of class. He had just emerged from the locker room, back in his suit he had been wearing before the game.

“Nice goal,” you smiled, accepting the hug he pulled you into. The entire thing felt so domestic and you wished you got to do this all the time.

“I had extra luck in the stands tonight,” Mat grinned, his eyes scanning your face. For a moment it looked like he wanted to kiss you but his teammates burst through the doors.

A chorus of “Good game Barzy!” ruined whatever soft moment the two of you were having. Mentally you cursed each of the shaggy haired boys that came through the hall but you didn’t miss the looks they were all giving Mat as they passed. He kept a protective arm around your shoulders, as if he was afraid one of them might try and steal you away. Gently you curled your fingers around the material of his suit jacket, earning his attention once again.

“So what’s that for?” You asked, nodding towards the object he was holding in his free hand. Mat’s cheeks flushed, and it wasn’t the post game glow.

“It’s a puck,” he said, “I saved it for you. You know, for your first hockey game.”

He handed it to you tentatively and you let your fingers brush over his as you took it from him,

“Thank you,” you smiled up at him before a teasing grin took over your features, “But this isn’t my first hockey game. I thought you knew that.”

Mat rolled his eyes playfully,

“I know. But, it’s your first game coming to watch me play.”

You had no argument for that and your body felt warm as you brushed your thumb over the face of the puck.

“Is this the one you scored a goal with?” You asked quietly. Mat opened his mouth to speak but no words came out, though the blush in his cheeks and the way he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly told you that it was. Before he could muster up the words his coach came out into the hallway.

“Good game tonight Barzal,” he said, his eyes falling to you for a moment. There was a question in his expression but he didn’t say anything, simply giving a nod and a goodnight to you both before he disappeared and the two of you were alone again.

You decided to save the awkward conversation for another time, glancing up at him again,

“Let’s go get food, yeah?”

IV.

After your unofficial post game “not a date” date with Mat you didn’t see him for a while. He was on a week-long road trip to some schools out of the conference on the east coast. It didn’t mean, though, that you weren’t still in touch with him every day.

Mostly it was you sending him snapchats, complaining about how boring the lecture was without him making side comments the entire time. Even though your notes were much more thorough without his distractions.

But, it was also him begging to FaceTime late in the evening after games because he couldn’t figure out how to do the homework. Oftentimes it wasn’t even for the class you were taking together. His accounting class was giving him a major headache and he turned to you for help rather than taking advantage of the athletic tutors he had access to.

“Mat you know there are people who are paid to help you right?” You teased, propping your phone up as you sat at your desk. Mat rolled his eyes,

“You could be one of those people, and then you could get paid to hang out with me.”

“But I would also have to put up with other people who are not you and I don’t want to do that,” you said. It was a silent confession but you weren’t sure if Mat picked up on it.

“So I’m special?” Mat grinned. It was your turn to roll your eyes,

“Don’t get a big head on me now, Barzal.”

You half expected him to text you to hang out or study when they got back into town on Saturday but when he didn’t you let your roommates convince you to go out to the bars with them. As bad as your crush on Mat had become, you needed to see what other options there were in your college town.

Which is why you were now donning a lace bodysuit and jeans, leaning against the bar as the ice melted in your now drained glass. The pickings were...slim. All you’d had a frat guy come occupy the barstool beside you for nearly twenty minutes, explaining to you the importance of brotherhood, and it wasn’t until his girlfriend came and dragged him away that you could get him to leave you alone.

She had apologized profusely, saying he tended to talk too much to strangers when he was drinking. You told her not to worry about it.

All you really wanted was for Mat to be the person you came out with on the weekends. You had a strong feeling he was a good time when he was drinking.

As if you had manifested his presence into your life, a figure moved into your peripheral that looked all too familiar.

“So you have a life outside the library,” Mat’s voice was low and teasing in your ear, sending chills down your spine. His hand was pressed against your lower back and you leaned into him, turning your head so you could look at his face. His skin was glowing from the heat of the bar and the drinks he had undoubtedly consumed before running into you.

“I’m surprised it took you this long to find me,” you smirked, finally turning and pressing your palms against his chest. The t-shirt he had on did little to separate your hands from his hard chest. The thought of what he was hiding beneath his clothes had you squeezing your thighs together. Especially when his hands dared to travel lower as he brought you into him further.

“Let me get you a drink,” he said, nodding towards the bar. You nodded, glancing back towards your friends to see them giving you thumbs up. You flipped them off before turning all of your attention back to Mat, falling into conversation with him.

“So, your coach finally gave you guys the night off?”

“About time,” Mat groaned, running his fingers through his hair.

“Well I’m glad you’re out, I’m starting to think you spend more time inside that rink than I do inside the library,” you teased.

“Which is saying a lot,” Mat pinched your side playfully. The bartender set down your drinks but before you could even swallow the sip you took of whatever he had ordered you a hand gripped Mat’s shoulder, yanking him to turn around.

“Hey Barzal!”

Some drunk guy stumbled in front of him and Mat faced him as you watched over his shoulder.

“What the hell?” Mat asked, stepping back to avoid being crashed into as the guy’s body swayed heavily.

“You’re a stupid son of a bitch!” The guy said, pointing a finger at him. Your brows furrowed and you made a move to say something, never one to hold your tongue when you were drinking, but Mat caught your waist and pulled you back behind him protectively.

“You fucked my girlfriend!” The guy said, “I know you did and you think you’re gonna get away with it but you’re just some stupid hockey player and I could kick your ass.”

You tried to ignore the feeling of jealousy that crept into your chest at the thought of Mat hooking up with someone who wasn’t you. But you highly doubted Mat would ever be a home-wrecker. He wasn’t that kind of guy. Maybe you were naive to think it but you had a pretty good idea of who he was, and it wasn’t that.

“I didn’t fuck your girlfriend,” Mat scoffed. He wanted to say he hadn’t been fucking anyone since he met you but he wasn’t about to announce that to the entire bar.

“I don’t know if you’re been smashed into the boards too many times but you did you toolbag,” the guy said, giving Mat a sturdy shove to the chest. Mat was very obviously taller, stronger, and broader than the guy in front of him but the alcohol in the man’s veins was not allowing him to realize that.

“I don’t even know who you are or who your girlfriend is,” Mat laughed, “But I promise I didn’t screw her. I’m not that desperate.”

“Excuse me?” The guy chuckled darkly, “What did you just say?”

“I’m not so desperate to get laid that I need to fuck girls with boyfriends you idiot,” Mat said, rolling his eyes. It was clear this guy wasn’t going to let it go even though Mat knew he hadn’t done anything wrong.

Your eyes went wide as you watched the drunk guy shove Mat again. This time Mat retaliated, nearly knocking him on his ass with a single push. Mat turned to take your arm and guide you outside but just as his fingers grazed your wrist your eyes went wide.

“Mat!”

A beer glass connected with the side of his head, the contents spilling all over your shirt and jeans before shattering on the ground at your feet. Mat reached up to touch his cheekbone, his fingers coming away bloody. His eyes went dark and he turned back towards the asshole who had thrown it. With no warning Mat swung, knocking the guy to the ground.

“You better consider yourself lucky that this is all I’m handing you tonight,” Mat said as he leaned over him, “Don’t try to start shit with me again unless you have your facts crystal clear.”

“Mat,” you tugged his arm, pulling him back and ushering him towards the door. There was blood running down the side of his face where the beer glass had broken the skin. It was already beginning to bruise as he took the bottom of his t-shirt and dabbed it gently.

“Don’t touch it,” you tugged his hand away from his face. There was irritation in your tone and Mat came to a stop.

“I’m sorry,” he said. You halted, turning to look at him. You’d made it to a street corner, the noise of the bar now in the distance. All that illuminated the area around you was a single street light but you could make out the guilt in his eyes.

“Mat it’s not your fault,” you said, softening your tone.

“But I shouldn’t have done that,” Mat nodded back towards the bar.

“Maybe not,” you shrugged, “But he was the one who threw a fucking beer glass at your head. What were you supposed to do? Give him a hug?”

Mat laughed softly, stepping towards you again and draping his arm around your shoulder.

“C’mon, let’s go back to my place and I can clean that up for you. And we can come up with a cover story to tell your coaches.”

Once you got back home you pulled Mat into the bathroom across from your room. Your roommates were still out so the house was quiet as Mat leaned back against the counter. He stripped himself of his t-shirt, complaining about how the beer had made it sticky.

“Sorry about your shirt,” he said quietly. You barely glanced at him, afraid seeing him shirtless would be too much to handle.

“It wasn’t your fault,” you said again. Mat sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

“Seriously, Mat,” you said again, setting the hydrogen peroxide on the counter, “You don’t need to apologize for something you didn’t do.”

Mat was quiet as you stood between his legs. His hands ghosted over your waist, chills spreading across your arms as you tried not to think about how close you were standing to him. You dabbed at the cut gently but Mat still hissed in pain all the same. Out of reflex, his grip on your waist tightened. The pads of his thumbs brushed over the exposed skin of your midriff causing your breath to catch in your throat.

Mat glanced down at you, an overwhelming urge to kiss you beginning to take over.

“Thank you,” Mat said quietly.

“For what?” You asked, dropping the cotton ball in the trash and putting neosporin on a bandaid.

“For everything,” Mat sighed, “I feel like you’re always helping me when you don’t have to.”

You stared down at your hands, the admission on the tip of your tongue. You wanted so badly to tell him how you felt but the fear of scaring him away and losing the friendship that you had held you back.

“I don’t mind,” you said, finally looking up at him. Gently you placed the bandaid over the cut, your eyes meeting his for a second. He wanted to say something, you could tell. But he didn’t. Instead, he simply placed his hand on the back of your neck and brought your forehead to his lips, leaving a soft kiss there. Your eyelids fluttered closed for a second before you pulled yourself away from him,

“I’m going to go change. You can stay here tonight if you want.”

+ one

You were pacing nervously, fingers tapping against your chin as Mat watched you closely.

“You’re going to wear down the carpet,” he teased gently. You stopped, turning to face him. It was clear in your expression that you were not in a laughing mood.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. The two of you had been in his room for the past hour, writing up what you were going to say in the final presentation. You had put together the powerpoint slides with some help from Mat a few days earlier and now it was the night before the presentation and you were an anxious mess.

“I can’t do this presentation, Mat,” you said, fidgeting with your hands.

“Why not?” He asked.

“Because,” you said, your voice cracking, “I’m so bad at presenting. I get nervous and I forget my words and I just go blank. I feel hot and nauseous and like I’m going to pass out.”

Mat nodded, sitting on the edge of his bed with his elbows on his knees,

“So it makes you anxious?”

You nodded. It felt stupid. You were in college and you still couldn’t stand in front of a group of people and talk about something you had spent the entire term becoming an expert on. There wasn’t a thing you didn’t know about this case but as soon as you stepped in front of the room you knew you would forget everything. And not just everything about the project, everything you had ever learned in your life.

“Just look at me,” Mat said, “Don’t look at the class. So we lose a few points on eye contact. I don’t care. The rest of the project is so good it won’t matter.”

You laughed dryly,

“See that’s the problem, Barzal.”

Mat furrowed his brows. You rolled your eyes,

“You make me nervous.”

“Oh.”

Mat looked at you again. There was panic in your eyes, both from the presentation and from the confession.

“How about I just do the presentation? I don’t care. You basically did the entire project and I don’t mind standing in front of the class and presenting,” Mat shrugged. There was a small sinking feeling in your stomach when he didn’t address your comment but you decided to deal with that later.

“Really?” You asked, “Are you sure because-”

“You just write up what you want me to say and I can do it,” Mat assured you. A huge weight lifted from your shoulders as you sat down beside him again, pulling his laptop into your lap and opening a new word document.

Mat watched you closely, vaguely listening to the words you were speaking. Had you just confessed that you like him? As in...you reciprocated the feelings he had been hiding for nearly ten weeks now? He wanted to ask you about it but the last thing he wanted to do was give you more anxiety right before this presentation.

Later, he promised himself, later.

A heavy arm draped across your shoulders as you stepped out into the brisk December air. Frost covered the ground, causing you to pull your coat around your body closer.

“Good job,” Mat said, smiling down at you.

“Thank you so much for doing that,” you said, mirroring his expression.

You had just wrapped up your business law class, presentation now complete. Mat had taken the lead, giving you just one easy slide so you could get credit for being there. It may have been cheating the system a little bit, since all you did was introduce yourself and the case, but you didn’t care. You spent the rest of the presentation watching Mat, feeling proud at how well he did considering just a few months ago he was afraid he wouldn’t even be able to pass the class.

Granted, you had written the majority of the presentation, but he still managed to answer all the questions your professor had asked with ease and the same amount of detail you would have given.

“You’re more than just a pretty boy, Barzy, I’m impressed,” you teased, wrapping your arm around his waist and giving him a gentle squeeze.

“I don’t know what excuses I’m going to use next term to get you to hang out with me,” Mat sighed dramatically. You laughed, rolling your eyes.

“I’m always open for study dates, even if they aren’t for the same class,” you said. Immediately after the word date left your mouth you wanted to take it back. After Mat had said nothing of your small confession the night before you didn’t want to scare him away.

“Oh!” Mat said, breezing past it, “That reminds me.”

“Hmm?”

“I owe you, you know for practically carrying this project all term and sitting through more hockey games than you probably wanted to,” Mat said, referencing the fact that after that first game you had found yourself going to home games more often than before. If just to see Mat for a few minutes afterwards when he walked you to your car.

“Mat I told you I don’t mind,” you said.

“Then you won’t mind me buying you a coffee before your next class,” Mat said easily, “You have time.”

This was true. You had a final at 11 but it was only 9:16, presentations having wrapped up quickly.

“Don’t you have practice?” You countered. Mat shook his head,

“Not until tonight. Schedule is different during finals.”

“Okay,” you conceded, letting Mat lead you to the shop just off of campus.

You ended up sitting in the shop for longer than you intended. Time seemed to disappear whenever you were with Mat. He had been telling you some dramatic, ridiculous story about their last away game, laughing until your sides were aching. It made you want him even more. But you were starting to think that maybe friends would have to be enough.

You glanced down at your phone, realizing you only had thirty minutes until your final.

“I have to go,” you said, interrupting Mat. His face dropped.

“Does this mean I’m not going to see you until after the Christmas break?”

Fuck. You hadn’t even thought of that.

“I don’t know, I leave on Friday,” you said. You gathered your things, feeling your heart sink as Mat set both your empty cups on the dish tray.

“I don’t leave until next week,” Mat said, “We should do something.”

You tried to resist the smile that toyed at your lips. It was a good sign that he wanted to see you even though your project was over.

“You can teach me how to ice skate.”

“You don’t know how to ice skate?” Mat laughed as he pushed the door open, holding it for you.

“In my defense my parents never took me,” you said, holding your hands up in surrender.

“Lucky for you I have the keys to the rink so I might be able to arrange a lesson,” Mat said.

The rest of your walk back to campus was quiet, both of you deep in your thoughts.

Mat didn’t want to leave for Christmas break without telling you how he felt. And if you didn’t feel the same way it wasn’t like you still had to finish your project together. But, if your lingering gazes and the hockey hoodie of his that was in your closet were any indications, he had a pretty good feeling that you felt the same way.

Just as you reached the business building again, snow started falling from the sky. It was catching in Mat’s hair and on your eyelashes so he pulled you underneath the covered walkway. You still had a few minutes to spare and the last session of classes wasn’t out yet, leaving the two of you alone.

A palpable tension formed between the two of you as you rested back against the brick wall, watching him shake snow from his hair.

“C’mere,” you laughed, tugging his wrist so you could run your fingers through his hair and dust the snow off. Not that it mattered much since he would have to step out into it in a few minutes. Your eyes lingered on the faint scar he had just below his eye. It was almost completely healed and the bruise was mostly gone. Mat watched you closely, his chest nearly brushing yours as he stood with his feet on either side of your legs.

He felt that overwhelming urge to kiss you that had come over him the night after the bar. Jis eyes were trained on your face, admiring every detail. He reached up gently, brushing the snow that had caught on your brow. His thumb grazed over your cheek bone and he felt you lean into his touch ever so slightly.

As soon as your hands dropped from his hair, Mat caught your chin between his forefinger and thumb and leaned in to kiss you. Though you were already practically chest to chest you melted into him further, palms coming to rest against his chest. Your fingers curled around the lapel of his coat, wanting something to hold onto. Something to ground you in the reality that this was actually happening.

Mat pulled away first but he rested his forehead against yours, not wanting to go far,

“Tell me if I’ve got this all wrong, but I really, really like you. And it’s not just because you help me all the time. I just like being around you. And I can’t help but think that maybe you like me too.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at his words,

“Why do you think I’m so eager to help you, Mat? I’m a nice person, but I wouldn’t do these things for just anybody.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh.’ There’s not a lot of people I would walk all the way across campus from the library to the arena for, just to give them their headphones,” you laughed.

“Are there a lot of people you would say yes to a date with?” Mat asked cautiously.

“Depends who’s asking,” you teased.

“I’m asking,” Mat said. You tugged him down to you by his coat, lips ghosting over his,

“For you...anything.”

Mat grinned, closing the gap. This time his tongue swiped across your bottom lip, tangling with yours as he pulled you into him even more. Your arms draped around his neck, tangling in the hair at the back of his neck.

When you pulled away you were both breathless, wide smiles on your lips.

“You should go take your final,” Mat said.

“It shouldn’t take me long,” you said, “Will you wait for me?”

Mat didn’t have any finals left to take and his practice wasn’t until 7 that night. If you were willing to spend the rest of the day with him he would gladly take you up on that offer.

“Okay,” he smiled, “I still owe you a few favors.”

You breathed a laugh, shaking your head,

“You don’t have-”

“But I’m going to,” Mat interrupted, “I plan on making them all up to you. And then some.”

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travllingbunny · 4 years

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Quarantine tag game

Thanks for tagging me, @sometimesrosy!

ARE YOU STAYING HOME FROM WORK/SCHOOL? I am staying home but not from work, because I work at home. Not just now, I always work at home, so there hasn’t been any change in that respect. The volume of work was the same as always during the last few weeks, too. I haven’t had any new work since Friday, so I’m enjoying a few days of rest, but I don’t know if this has anything to do with Corona. A few days of rest and no work has happened before. It will give me more time to clean my apartment.

IF YOU’RE STAYING HOME, WHO IS THERE WITH YOU? My two dogs and two cats. They are probably happy that they get even more time with me than usual. I think that some people don’t consider pets real company - probably people who don’t have pets - which I find funny. They are amazing company and I never feel lonely or bored. It’s never boring with them. Taking the dogs out two times a day, having to feed the cats 6-7 times a day or however often they start mewing and asking for food (especially the kitten - the young one is just 9 months old), having to stand guard to make sure dogs don’t steal cat food :D and all the petting and displays of affection.

ARE YOU A HOMEBODY? Not really? But I’m also not not a homebody? LOL Normally, I enjoy going out and meeting people; I have salsa classes two times a week, which are really fun; I go clubbing on weekends; and my favorites are the Language Cafe type events, which used to be up to 3 times a week before the Coronavirus situation started (these are events for people to meet and practice languages, where you can just come, choose the table with the language you want to practice, introduce yourself and join the conversation). I go to concerts, film festivals, public lectures/debates etc.

But at the same time, I don’t mind staying at home, and I’ve had experience in having to stay for a week or two when I had a ton of work and tight deadlines. I talk to people a lot via phone, Viber, Whatsupp and social media, exchange memes and satirical articles about the current situation, etc. I’m online a lot, and I’m trying to finally catch up/check out some of the many TV shows, movies and books I have on my watchlist/readlist and do other stuff I never had enough time for.

AN EVENT THAT YOU WERE LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT GOT CANCELLED? I don’t think it’s been officially cancelled yet (?), but I doubt that the Tindersticks concert in early May is gonna be happening. I had already bought the ticket so I hope it gets postponed. I’ve also bought a ticket for a Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds concert in early June (it’s probably too optimistic to hope that will happen?) and a Pixies concert in early September (I don’t have to worry about that one, do I?)

WHAT MOVIES HAVE YOU WATCHED RECENTLY? Since the curfew started, I’ve watched just a few movies that happened to be on TV - which were all very different, but I wasn’t impressed by any of them (Divergent, Ironclad, and Francis Ha).

The last time I was in cinema was for the FEST film festival, which ended on 8 March, and I watched Jojo Rabbit on the closing night. I really loved it. Before that, at the same festival, I watched Apocalypse Now: The Final Cut, Blood Quantum (pretty good Canadian horror that’s a different take on the zombie epidemic genre, as it takes place in a First Nation reserve, most characters/actors are First Nation and it deals with social issues), Spanish period drama by Alejandro Amenabar Mientras dure la guerra (During the War) about the Spanish Civil War and Miguel de Inamuno’s role in the events, The Lighthouse (really good, really dark psychological horror drama that can have a bunch of interpretations) and Dead Don’t Die (Jim Jarmush’s zombie comedy with some very on-the-nose social commentary).

WHAT SHOWS ARE YOU WATCHING? The list is pretty long! Some shows I’ve been watching on TV include: Peaky Blinders (really good!), Babylon Berlin (still in season 1), Penny Dreadful (I’m almost finished - I didn’t like season 1 that much but it got much better in seasons 2 and 3), Wynonna Earp (not great but it’s just a fun show with some cool actors/characters). I'm about to finish S1 of The Witcher and I want to rewatch it immediately to figure out the timelines. I’m finishing my rewatch of The 100 and I’m going to resume my rewatch of Agents of SHIELD (hopefully I can finish it by its premiere date, 27 May). Also watching Outlander season 5, Harley Quinn, Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist, need to catch up on Roswell: New Mexico, Prodigal Son and Stumptown and finish The Outsider, and have recently started The Plot Against America and Mindhunter (the latter because my best friend has recommended it). I’ve even checked out the pilot of Lucifer, which I may or may not continue soon, and I’m continuing with 12 Monkeys season 1. And I intend to check out Kingdom. Quite a mix of genres there.

WHAT MUSIC ARE YOU LISTENING TO? I haven’t listened to that much music lately as I used to, but my routine for putting myself to sleep is to turn on MTV Rocks (or the Rock Alternative radio channel) on my TV, in low volume, program the sleep function for 2 hours, and go to bed. It works like a charm. I always have trouble falling asleep in silence.

Other than that, I’ve been listening to a lot of Haelos since I first discovered them when I heard their song “Alone” in season 6 of The 100, and I’ve listened to othe songs from The 100 and Tree Adams’ soundtrack for season 3.

WHAT ARE YOU READING? Before all this, I borrowed 3 books from the American Corner library: Toni Morrison’s The Bluest Eye and Beloved and Tea Obrecht’s The Tiger’s Wife. I’m reading The Bluest Eye at the moment, but I’m also going to finally start reading GRRM’s Fire and Blood, which I had never found time for.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR SELF-CARE? The usual stuff I do - a bit of exercise, nurturing bath once a week, regular skin care. But last week, I also had to make an effort to relax and try to lower my level of stress and blood pressure, thanks to something that happened last Sunday.

Rant incoming....If you don’t want to read about my bad experience with the police and idiotic government measures, stop now.

Namely, the idiotic government of my country has imposed “measures” which are supposed to be against the spread of Coronavirus but mostly don’t make any sense - they are constantly extending curfew and changing the time of it, and have changed the times when dog owners are allowed to walk their dogs. At one point, it seemed like there was no allowed time for that in the evening or afternoon. You had to listen to the news all the time (and listening to news and the President’s speeches is one of the things that annoys me the most) to figure these things out. And the weekend before last was their first experiment in an extra-long 3 day curfew, which I wasn’t even aware of, when they actually had the police patrol and arrest people for just walking on their own (or, in one case, a young farmer in his tractor - two days after the minister of agriculture said on TV that farmers would be exempt from the curfew - they changed it). So I got manhandled, put in handcuffs and taken to the station for walking my dogs all on my own, with no one else around (which is endangering people and helping the spread of Corona - how exactly??!) where i had to sit for 2 hours while a cop was writing stuff down from the records, and about 60 other cops walked right by me, 10 of whom didn’t have masks, while 3 had but pulled them up/down, then in a police car with 3 other people they picked up - who can’t sit any further than half a meter from you as there’s not enough room, then about 1.5 hours more at the court, with a bunch of other people (and everyone was sitting right next to each other - I was the only one who was like “Nope” and stood a couple of meters away from the others), where they passed the judgment that I have to pay a fine of almost 450 EUR - the amount that’s prescribed for everyone. (And in Serbia, that’s about 1.5 of the minimum wage. I can pay my bills for 3 months from that amount.) Turns out, they arrested some 700-800 people that weekend, so I guess they’re gonna extort a lot of money from the people - if all of them are able to pay it within 15 days (which I doubt. I can withdraw the money from the bank, but I don’t think everyone can). My temperature, pulse and probably blood pressure went up immediately and took an entire week to come down - due to stress, a lot of anger and fear - I had my mask and gloves, but that was still the most close contact and exposure to a lot of other people, much more than I’ve had in weeks. I yelled and ranted and told them that they’re the ones putting others and themselves in danger of contracting Corona, and they probably knew I was right, but it makes no difference - President Vučić is either an idiot who actually thinks the virus is lurking outside in the air to jump at people, but only during the hours he decides, or, more likely, he doesn’t care, but is a wannabe dictator who likes to act self-important and playact at imposing “strict but necessary measures”.

/end rant. Sorry about that. But that’s why I bought a temperature meter and blood pressure meter, because I was having high temperature, heart palpitations and pressure in my chest, which hasn’t happened to me in a long time (I was also starting to feel PMS, which added to it and didn’t help, but is normally nowhere near as bad when I’m not stressed out) so I needed a lot of self-care last week - which included tranquilizers, but mostly trying my best to relax and feel better. And I’m finally well now and close to how I was before the whole arrest idiocy.

Tagging @jeanie205 @kizo2703 @weareagentsofnothing @turtle-paced @wolfheartgirl @theatre-steph @selflessbellamy @mytly4 @katersann @linzzmorgan100 @immortalpramheda @iishallbelieve @misskittyspuffy @marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer @justbecauseyoubelievesomething @angearia @ladyofthefrostfangs - I know some of you have already been tagged, I’m sorry if you’ve already done it but I haven’t seen it, in which case I’look for it on your blog. Sorry to everyone I didn’t tag, too.

#tagging game #quarantine #quarantine game #sorry for ranting but I had to

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