your bedroom light won't stop flickering
the clouds will not lift their heads away from the
world, the raindrops will not stop watching from the
panes -- your friend walks in,
you're sprawled out on your bed and cannot say hello,
they don't need you to --
you can't trace what words leave you --
the rain pounds on the windows -- it smells the truth on
you the way you'd smell its presence
if you left this room where your worries steep and
dry on the creaking radiator like rotten tea leaves --
their concoction found you this rainy thursday night.
but they leave you -- the words take your breath --
your lungs are cleansed, and your friend's too --
breathe, you say, they say, but not like you're
giving cpr -- you are no saviors, you're just sharing
driftwood now, held up by adrenaline and each
other -- sigh, pitter-patter, blowing nose --
you leave after the clock ticked how-many-times,
your skin ready for the rain -- but it's stopped now
and you wonder how it heard you over itself,
the rain, and these clouds, bearing the weight of the
world -- could earth have aligned herself for you
today? you wonder --
the resting fog nods --
her strength, her strength and the water cycle
got her here -- the watchful eyes of the clouds,
the very lifting of the oceans and their silt,
these feats and endless work in circles --
now is her rest, this moment she was permitted --
but for today, she can be your poetry
if you will only wake up tomorrow,
see the rain dried,
fix that light,
sweep those dust bunnies,
those crumbs off your radiator.
the world forgives you for being small.
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Durge thoughts
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GREEN
i am green green green
down to my breath
and blood
and bones.
green with envy
for all the beautiful things in the world
that i cannot hold in my hands
or press against my lips
or swallow down whole.
green with sick
all festering hurts
i don't know how to heal
and spreading poison
i don't know the antidote for
and hand-me-down aches
i don't know the names of.
green with greed,
the yawning void deep in my belly
that wants
and wants
and wants and wants and wants
from the day i was born
screaming with want.
green with permission:
yes please, come here,
do as you please.
i never did learn how to say no
and mean it.
green like plants,
like spring growth and summer leaves
like basil and mint on kitchen counter tops
like haworthia and pothos and monstera.
i am green green green
down to my breath
and blood
and bones—
but maybe someday
i will learn
to hold the whole rainbow
in my body.
- by sylvie (j.p.)
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over mountains
over rocks and rivers and ravines
through it all i shall carry
you
you who shares my
father's blood
and the water of my mother's womb
who could gaze into the
eyes of death and
still move forward
you who
with blood upon your hands
were still a righteous man
who had killed
but never murdered
who had slain beasts
but never kin
you
my brother
(are you still my brother?)
who smiled instead of
weeping when you graced the earth
whose blood i cannot
wash from beneath my nails
whose serenity when
facing my wrath
haunts me
whose body upon my
back weighs heavy
rotting and foul
for you are the first careless
death
your bones will not
become tools
your dark hair shall not
be woven into cloth
it will not adorn our home
nor decorate
our bodies
i must commit you to the earth
as i would a seed
for a crow has shown me
what must be done to the wasted dead
as it tears through the
earth to create a space
for its own slain kin
and i can only hope, brother
(are you my brother?)
that something shall come
from what i have sown
that something
anything
graces this overturned earth
where you now lay
-Qabil Reflects Upon the Death of Habil by Amatullah Bourdon
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Me studying for five minutes after procrastinating for 1 week straight: "I studied so hard today. So, let's take some rest now."
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Quantifying a subjective experience
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im unsure on how to tackle my internet addiction bc thats like my biggest goal for 2024 is to get rid of it.... last year i went cold turkey on the 1st jan and i stayed offline for all of january but then i went back online just to see what was happening and then very quickly i was back to being on for hours a day.. but time limits are so hard for me bc once im on i dont know how to log off. i have browser extensions and stuff to set time limits but they dont help much since i know i can just press a button to make the time limit go away. neither seems like a good solution they both feel very easy to fail. idkkk
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Decayed
A whole other life
was being lived out
ten years ago; who
will I be (at nearly
forty) one decade
from now?
@nosebleedclub January Prompts 1. decade
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i took the we in "before we come undone" as gur + figure at first and their bond (always at peril not only by whatever gur is talking about here, but also figures number of the beast thing.) but other possibilities: collective we (as in, everything and everyone. idk. just seems bad out there. whatever's happening.) or just gur (multiple of them) . He's losing grip & can feel it
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i’m turning nineteen in five days and i don’t know
what to do. the thought that you won’t be there plagues me like
coffee spilled on my class notes this morning, clashed with the
perfume i wore for strength. the fallacies of your love and my
deservingness keep score over a tennis table. point.
en garde. i didn’t expect to turn nineteen inside an arena.
i tire of the strength in this number, the perceived
far-offness of adulthood floating closer. it is a looming cloud,
merciless, thunder-woven, a tempest so beautiful and
essential and god does it burn. if this mute protest in my
bones and the weight of this shield is adulthood,
let me be the child i thought i could be with you.
the hope of it in our proximity felt closer,
at least, than this.
don’t get me wrong and try to ‘happy birthday’ your
way back in. it is not ‘healing’ to decorate the
cracks you pried in me with pretty words, all while nestled
snug into the shelter i built with what was left. i
dream sometimes of piercing my tongue
so it would hurt you more. maybe this ordeal could
make some transformation out of me, too.
i hope it fucking hurts.
let me meet this year without you. let me
mourn the mirage of floating untethered while nursing the
scab ‘round my heart so you can’t make
rubies of the coagulated blood. i hear your cries and
tell you now for the second time to bandage yourself.
take it or leave it.
gently caress your own wounds,
or find someone else who will.
these hands of nineteen years will not waste
one more holding any part of you.
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For my friends who play Armored Core 6 as well as like some good poetry.
Here is an emblem I made inspired by The Raven, by Edgar Allan Poe
This is for ps5 only.
Code is
KYVFZPP8UBDJ
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There is no beautiful way to tell you this
As your hands paint my neck blue
I recall the caress you left when you had no clue
The fat of my skin melt by the fire of your eyes
And I am left starving for the days you did not hate my lies
I believe the sea to envy the salt of your tears
For its water could not hurt more as it fall on my wounds
Your screams were the worst songs to my ears
But you're sobs as you kill me are my hounds
In my constellation of deception
A single truth shine
You are the roof to my home
The hearth to my fire
The meaning of love
When it's all said and done
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guess who got a 1700 page poetry anthology for just $1? :)
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practice makes perfect, or something like that
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oh matt maltese we’re really in it now
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