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klixxy · 3 years

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Genshin Fic Recs

so... i ventured into the vast world of Google looking for some good GI fic recs... only to find such a pitiful amount that i was promptly devastated. therefore, the solution is to make my own! :D

keep in mind most of these will be ChiLi or XingYun, and yes, i will try not to include smut unless it was one i really really liked. if anyone wants a separate list for just smut (though that will most likely be shorter) i can try to make one later.`

ft. my bookmark comments :)

CHILI

wrapped up in pure gold by beyondwinter

(chili; accidental marriage; chili/childe-centric; 22k words; ongoing)

"Do you understand its meaning, Childe?" He finally asks. There's a hard glint in his eyes, like he's trying to steel himself for his answer.

"Yeah." Loyalty and devotion, right? Between business partners? "I do. It's traditional, isn't it?"

Zhongli's eyes glow a warm amber in the near darkness, reflecting the soft shine of the lanterns. He studies his face with a strange intensity, as though Childe were a piece of high quality Nocticulous Jade being sold for suspiciously small sum and he's trying to find the blemishes that would explain the price. The weight of his gaze should be uncomfortable, boring into him like he can see into the very depths of his abyss-tainted soul, but Childe finds himself preening under the attention instead.

Childe accidentally proposes to Zhongli. Zhongli accepts.

The World is Water by Millereflets

(chili; smut; hurt/comfort; chili-centric; 7k words; oneshot)

Childe doesn't visit Zhongli until it's almost too late.

(my bookmarks: HOW DO YOU MAKE A SMUT SCENE SO POETIC HOLY SHITTTTT)

Set in Stone by seredemia

(chili; fake dating au; angst; some smut?; chili/chiilde-centric; 55k words; ongoing)

What do you do when you write about a certain six thousand year old consultant so much in your letters that it somehow convinces your entire family you're not only dating each other, but that you're also engaged?

In Childe's case, the answer is plain and simple: he goes along with it, of course. Absolutely nothing can go wrong if he makes a contract with the God of Contracts, vowing that the two of them will pretend to be lovers for the duration of his family's stay in Liyue. Afterwards, they'll return as normal and speak no more of this mess. No feelings or complications involved whatsoever.

Contract accepted. A fool-proof plan set in stone. Right?

Private Ledger of the Eleventh Harbinger by JuHuaTai

(chili; humor; getting together; chili/ekaterina-centric; 5k words; oneshot)

“So guess what I did next?”

Ekaterina contemplated not answering, but Harbinger Tartaglia was just… grinning and waiting. It’s honestly rather creepy the longer time passed.

In the end, she gave a long suffering sigh that seems lost on him, “You bought him the Erhu—“

“I bought him the antique, cor lapis based Erhu,”

When she first left her homeland for the unknown nation of Liyue, Ekaterina was ready to be many things: To be a soldier, to fell Tsaritsa’s enemies in her name, to bring glory to Snezhnaya and her leader.

Being a receptionist in a cozy bank wasn’t so bad in comparison, but she absolutely can do without the front row seat to Harbinger Tartaglia’s (expensive) love life.

i know i'm where i'm meant to go by paperclips (pastel_paperclips)

(chili; humor; fluff; chili-centric; 12k words; ongoing)

"Childe," Zhongli says suddenly. "I am enjoying myself greatly." Childe’s face breaks into a grin. "Then-" Zhongli gasps, grabbing his wrist and tugging him over to an unsuspecting peddler with a cart full of rocks. "Is that an intrusive igneous pegmatite formed in the Inazuma regions?" Childe’s grin smooths into a small, adoring smile. He has all the time in the world to figure the other man out.

OR: Finding the Geo Archon is on Childe's to-do list but hanging out with Zhongli is significantly more fun.

CHILIVEN

Crumbling Stone by avtorSola

(chiliven; ANGST; PAIN; mind control; zhongli-centric; 74k words; ongoing)

When Morax unleashes his plan to test the Liyue Qixing and his adepti, he does not take into account the stirring of the Abyss Order in the north and the corruption of Dvalin - for why would he fear an organization that works in such shadows? He is secure in his power, after all, unlike his flighty ex, the absentee archon of Mondstadt who rises only when his people are in danger.

But, somehow, the Abyss Order discovers his plan. Somehow, they capitalize on it. And he, the God of Stone who cannot sicken, is struck down - taken by an order bent on destroying all of humanity as Liyue crumbles around him. For even Archons aren't immune to Durin's blood, and Morax is no exception. But then the question becomes - if even Archons may fall to the agony of this corrupting burn - how is their traveling friend Aether immune?

The answer comes from beyond the stars - an ancient malice that knows no kindness or mercy. A malice whose legacy the Abyss Order now bears, seeking to topple all the Archons and their people into the void of utter destruction. And they have begun in Liyue.

Fortunately, it takes a long time to erode stone.

(my bookmarks: IM SCREAMING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

PLATONIC ZHONGVEN

left-behind city by trixstar

(platonic zhongven; angst; ANGST; venti-centric; 1k words; oneshot)

"An associate of mine has just informed me that Rex Lapis, the Geo Archon has been assassinated."

Venti blinks.

Or: Venti and how he copes with finding out he is all that remains.

i circle ten thousand years long; and i still do not know if i am a falcon, a storm, or an unfinished song by birdsofpassage

(platonic zhongven; angst; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 4k words; oneshot)

Venti and Zhongli, and the vignettes of a much-needed vacation around Mondstadt.

(my bookmarks: ; - ; ; - ; )

oh ye with little faith by air_fried_air

(platonic zhongven; angst; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 2k words; oneshot)

Two former archons do a little tour around Mondstadt.

(my bookmarks: why are all genshin angst fics so melancholy.... i feel so empty)

the wind through the mountain tops by glassdrachma

(platonic zhongven; humor; hurt/comfort; zhongven-centric; 21k words; finished)

Boredom brings Barbatos of Mondstadt to bother a certain ex-Archon of the Earth.

(my bookmarks: venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship venti zhongli friendship-)

XINGYUN

the art of exorcism by Agried

(xingyun; ghost au; hurt/comfort; chongyun-centric; 9k words; oneshot)

On the road back from one of his jobs, Chongyun runs into Xingqiu, the wandering swordsman. And then they keep meeting, over and over again. or, alternately; how a ghost and an exorcist learn how to love, one step at a time.

Bane of All Evil by tzitzimeme

(xingyun; humor; romance; chongyun-centric; 24k words; hiatus)

When Chongyun unintentionally offends Liyue's second most powerful adepti, he vows to mend the thorny relationship between Adeptus Xiao and human exorcists-- even though no one has succeeded in currying Xiao's favor for over a thousand years.

His best friend Xingqiu offers to come alone, mainly because he's worried about what kind of trouble Chongyun will run into. Along the way, they receive help from others: Xiangling packs them meals for their journeys, while Zhongli gives them advice on what demons to track.

Childe is just there because he thinks the whole thing is hilarious.

[On indefinite hiatus due to burnout; sorry!]

kiss me slowly (so i don't forget) by xiwangmu

(xingyun; humor; romance; light angst; xingqiu-centric; 8k words; oneshot)

Wangshu Inn Bulletin Board

Guest Message: My best friend whom I harbor affections for kissed me last night, but due to his special condition he does not recall a single moment of it. I am quite conflicted about whether to disclose these events to him or not, because that would most certainly require me to confess my feelings as well. If anyone has experience in romancing boys with excessive positive energy, this one humbly asks you to share some advice.

Reply: Our greatest apologies—although we would like to offer some words in response, we simply cannot decipher your handwriting. Perhaps you may return with a neater message next time?

time trials by idlestars

(xingyun/many ships; humor; modern au; xingyun-centric; 2k words; oneshot)

A modern social media AU.

Xingqiu Teases Demons. Chongyun Almost Cries. [The clip shows Xingqiu, lit by the sickly green of night vision, as he stares bored into a dark room. He’s alone - Chongyun left to see if Xingqiu could lure out the ghosts. Xingqiu glances at the camera, smirks, and then opens his mouth.

“Hey demons, it’s me, yah boy.”]

OTHER/GEN

woe be the wallet of the god of wealth by glassdrachma

(gen; humor; identity reveal; keqing/zhongli-centric; 12k words; finished)

Or, the story of how the Yuheng of the Qixing came to idolize, befriend, and discover the identity of the God of Geo, in that order.

(personal comments: hilarious, made me burst out into laughter multiple times, and was just a masterful piece of writing)

to dream of dust by miao_x

(guili/gen; ANGST; hurt/no comfort; zhongli-centric; 5k words; oneshot)

Some nights, Zhongli dreams.

He dreams of soft light, golden song, and a gentle breeze whispering tales of millennia past. It is warm, familiar, and comforting.

It feels like home.

And then he opens his eyes, and awakes to reality.

(my bookmarks: oh zhongli... made me cry)

To drown in your own tears by C_rin_nyan

(guili/gen; ANGST; TEARS; PAIN; zhongli-centric; 2k words; oneshot)

As Rex Lapis, he had never shed a tear, even as he slaughtered hundreds, destruction following his every step. As Zhongli, he had shed much more than he would like to admit, however.

Or, “Zhongli’s soul gave its last scream long ago, yet even now, the echo of said sound was still strong enough to reach Rex Lapis.”

#fic rec #fic recs #fanfic #fanfic recs #genshin #genshin impact #ao3 #chili #tartali #zhongchi #xingyun #childe #zhongli #xingqiu #chongyun #venti #zhongven #guili #guizhong #angst

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betweentheracks · 3 years

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Heyo! Not to be too nosy here but you mentioned you're in bad health and recovering, and I just wondered what happened? Also how would it impact your career since, from how you've made it all seem thus far, it's a highly active and demanding job?

Hope you take care and get well! You appear quite strong and not like you'd take whatever has happened just lying down, so here's to you!! 🙏💓

No sweat and no worries here, I dont find this particularly invasive. If anything, I'm flattered you care to ask after me lol. 😁

A few weeks back I met a friend I hadn't seen in some time for lunch. This was against my better sense of caution that I've held firmly to throughout the pandemic, but I would feel regretful and dismissive if I didnt agree to see her while I had the chance. I should've listened my gut and stayed safely at work because this "friend" failed to mention she had tested positive (she knew already by the time of our lunch date, she has since admitted) and had figured since she had no symptoms there was no harm in being in public.

FF only a few days later and I was feeling a little unwell but had put it off as an effect of the winter blast that had just hit where I live. I'd spent half a day out in the cold and snow for a photoshoot only the day before and thought it was probably due to that since I'm susceptible to weather influenced head colds and bronchitis. Fortunately, my job mandates a rigid COVID-19 screening twice a week due to our high profile clientele and as an assurance of health and safety for us all. Mine read back with a positive and with the way I had been feeling I was immediately sent home and the company closed its doors while the building was sterilized and our clients notified.

Thankfully I managed not to infect anyone I work with nor my son. Regrettably, I did infect my best friend since we're horrifically incapable of maintaining personal space and have weak shit immune systems. We both agree it is a wonder we made it this far into plague times without it catching us.

So I went and got looked over and sent on my way with my prescription of potent anti-virals and steroids. I was well prepared to abide the quarantine guidelines and had sent my son to my mother's home for the duration so that he was out of the danger zone. It was fine, I was kinda cool and keen on getting a few days to myself to rest up and all that jazz. But it wasn't meant to last and I found trouble in the form of being unable to remain conscious much at all and would pass out constantly. After a few times of this I gave my brother (he's a doctor and vaccinated) a ring and told him that my fatigue was no joke dude and needed him to come give me a better once over than the one I'd gotten before bc I was sure I was not meant to feel this badly. He found me unconscious in the shower that night, my head battered from crashing to the basin.

After ensuring I wasn't concussed and jokes on what a hard head I have to take such a beating and show no signs of registering it beyond bruising (a joke between us due to him having once accidentally put a golf club into my forehead and fracturing my skull but that's a different story) he told me to call him regularly so that he can review how I feel and the progression of my symptoms and left. By the morning I had already had two more instances of sudden fatigue and collapsing in on myself. I had been posting on my main blog here about how I was doing and due to this I caught the concern of @peekbackstage and upon their suggestion to have my O2 levels tested it was revealed that I was having issues with my blood not circulating oxygen as it should and nearing hypoxia.

Here's the rub. I have a heart condition that is already very dangerous and bleak which limits my heart's capability of delivering blood through my body as it should. Cardiomyopathy or, as it seems better known, congestive heart failure. I've had surgery for it and it has been a while since it caused me any real issues as long as I stick to my routine of care and manage my health, but when COVID-19 infiltrated my body it immediately snagged upon this weak heart of mine and sank its fangs in.

Within a day of being admitted to the hospital I had a grand mal seizure due to the constant fluctuations of oxygen in my blood and the way my body was working double time to supplement for it. And only 2 days after that and when my nervous system had finally quieted down, I went into full cardiac arrest with a heart attack at my young age.

My next weeks were spent connected to machines doing more for me than my own body could. I developed pneumonia in my lungs, acute though it was it was still another complication that my wrecked body had to overcome as it made my already ragged breathing even worse. I was steadily shedding muscle tone and definition due to a lack of mobility and the fact that my body felt like a deadweight I could hardly take command of, and generally very weakened. My heart, the horrible thing, was inflamed and trying too hard by beating too fast, too hard.

FF some more and I was doing fairly well and treatments were showing some improvement. My heart was still being an ugly and gnarled beast in my chest and throwing weird spikes on the monitor that raised alarms. The pneumonia was retreating and I had no further seizures. It was the dawning light of my first signs that I was recovering!

It took a while more and so fucking many tests day in and day out for me get cleared for release. I tested negative for COVID-19 and was ashamed that I actually forgot that that was why I was even in the hospital to begin with, given all that happened. I have to undergo physical therapy and counseling; PT for heart happy exercises as well as to manage to my depleted muscles, counseling bc I was rocked mentally from all the almost dying and the depressive haze of being holed up in the hospital and surrounded by people who, like me, came in with COVID-19 but unlike me did not come out of it.

I'm home now. I had to have a pacemaker implanted and must stay vigilant for any showing that my heart is not performing as it should. I still have some severe inflammation and chest restriction in my airways as well as my blood vessels but nothing too daunting. I also have a full battalion of prescriptions, most for my heart, and a nebulizer to ease any breathing issues. The worst is honestly that I still am very weak and have severely limited reserves of energy.

My job is required to make me take 12 weeks of leave for rest and recuperation. This is very upsetting since I had been requested by name to be an assistant stylist at the Grammys this year which is truly a dream (especially with BTS in the mix 😩😩) and also bc I'm just a workaholic by nature and love my job. When I return I am expected to learn how to properly delegate tasks that do not directly require me to handle and slow down the pacing of my projects. My boss terminated a contract with a client that was nearing the scheduled end of our agreement and was also incredibly problematic to help lighten my workload. It's imperative that I reign in my stress levels or my heart will not last until the next surgery I'll need, so I'm gritting my teeth and letting my job be picked apart to reduce my responsibilities.

My post awaits my return but I will not be returning to full activity for a while after, which means no rifling through the racks for hours alongside the archivists in search of the perfect piece. I'll be welcome to meet with my clients and oversee the glam teams, will still be the command tower for final verdicts on which styles to use. But I will not be running around showrooms nor personally handling matters any competent trainee could be tasked with like I've always done. I will no longer be able to fly out anywhere for destination shoots or fashion shows.

If, after my next surgery, things are better and my heart stable to the point that they are hopeful of things will be reevaluated. While it is difficult beyond measure for me to relinquish the reigns of my career and be restricted in what I can do now, I am very thankful to be alive and upright when that wasn't a certainty just a little while ago. This is such a humbling experience to have survived when my stats kept dropping every day. I've been told to expect that I will never make a full 100% recovery and to expect to stall out around the 70%-90% range, with 70% being the most realistic.

My best friend (the one I gave the plague to) will be moving in with me so that I am never on my own if things go tits up and to assist in wrangling a toddler since I am currently without the energy to do so as my child is, sincerely, a crazy gremlin spawn with limitless battery life. Slowly, my life will regain some normalcy 💖

#racks asks #personal and long winded - read at own risk

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delimeful · 4 years

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Community Gardens

this is a donation drive commission for @htmlfroggy! based on the prompt: platonic intrulogical g/t & the song ‘community gardens’ by the scary jokes! this is my first time trying a songfic, so i hope its good!

warnings: remus and all the vaguely squicky things he says, illness, misunderstandings, small mentions of body horror

Full disclosure, I am a monster A creature of despair, not that that should be a cause for concern If there's one thing I've learned in all my years here It's that despair is less abundant in those who understand How to plant their hearts in community gardens

Logan first met his best friend because he was investigating rumors of a human lurking around the border of his forest.

He had his doubts, of course; ever since he’d personally visited every human settlement on the perimeter of his woods, the ritual sacrifices done to ‘appease the monsters’ had quickly come to a halt, and the amount of angry humans out for vengeance had dropped concurrently.

When he gently pushed past the boughs of the saplings marking the border, however, there was indeed a human crouched on the ground, seemingly buried up to his elbows in mud. They looked up at Logan’s approach, and the giant was prepared for a number of reactions to his presence. Swearing, screaming, slumping over in a dead faint.

Plenty had responded to him like this in the past, and plenty more certainly would in the future. It came with being a monstrous giant.

The human offering him a slightly unhinged grin and a mud-slinging wave wasn’t one of the responses he had prepared for.

As such, his reply was uncharacteristically tentative, as though his voice would snap the human out of the peaceable trance they were in. “...Greetings. I am Logan, denizen of this forest. I’m here to inquire into what you’re doing here at the edge of the woods.”

“Ooh, an interrogation!” The human didn’t stand, craning their neck back at a painful-looking angle to see him properly. “What if I don’t want to say, huh? Are you gonna grind me into bone meal under your heel?”

Logan blinked. The fear that normally would accompany such words was still completely absent. “No. I will not be harming you unless you move to harm those under my protection.”

The human sighed, almost disappointed. “Yeah, I didn’t take you for the type. Oh, well, guess we’re both leaving unsatisfied then.”

Logan waited a moment longer, and then sighed lowly, before lowering himself to sit amongst his trees. The human cocked an eyebrow, looking as though another inappropriate comment was on the tip of his tongue.

“If you don’t wish to explain yourself, then I will be supervising your excursions as the guardian of these woods,” Logan announced, sure that his cold gaze would at least give the strange human some pause.

Of course, because they seemed to delight in proving his assumptions wrong, the human just stared for a moment before a wide, enthusiastic smile spread over his face.

Logan sighed again, and steadfastly ignored the bright flare of curiosity the human had sparked in him. Most likely, they were simply a thrill-seeker, looking for an adventure like all the epics humans told about interacting with giants. Surely, they’d grow bored soon enough.

You'll be fine, you honeycomb Who could ever hurt you? Who could be so cold? You'll be fine, oh honey pie Who could ever hurt you? Who could be so unkind?

“Who did it?”

The half-growl in Remus’ voice was enough that his gaze was immediately drawn away from the Lewisia cotyledon that he had been carefully coaxing root rot from.

His unruly human acquaintance had apparently gotten closer while he was distracted, abandoning his small plot of freshly-turned soil and haphazard seedlings. It was a break from their typical engagement, where Logan remained in the treeline and Remus remained rooted in his strange, barely-edible ‘vegetable garden’ as they talked.

“What do you mean?” he replied once he’d processed the strange question. “Is something amiss?”

“Is your brain made of stone?” Remus shot back sharply, and Logan’s eyebrows drew together automatically at the insult. The human barely seemed to notice, thankfully. “Of course something’s amiss, you’re bleeding out all over the place!”

He pointed emphatically, and Logan realized what the human was so up in arms about even as he turned to look. On his left side, stretched over his ribs, a long gash was slowly trickling sap-like ichor. The wound had been mostly hidden by his left arm, but in turning to focus on a new plant, he must have accidentally displayed it to the human. “Ah. Do not be alarmed, it’s a shallow wound and will scab over shortly--”

Remus waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t insult me, I know that much from the look of it alone! What I don’t know is: Who. Did. It?”

Logan frowned briefly. He wasn’t sure why the human wanted to know, but he certainly wasn’t in the habit of denying anyone information. “I wasn’t informed of their name. A Jorōgumo sought sanctuary, which I granted, and approximately half a day later, a human mercenary attempted to breach the forest borders.”

“And you killed the bastard?” Remus asked expectantly. Logan couldn’t help the minute flinch that traveled through him, the way his face shuttered back to cold neutrality. He’d thought… It didn’t matter. It was his own fault for believing that the man saw him in any other way.

“No. I warded the forest against them with a bit of their blood. Once they realize the wards are impenetrable, I believe they will move on to an easier bounty.”

“Not if I get to them first,” Remus replied cheerily, spinning his slightly-rotted wooden trowel in his hand. Logan felt a thrum of alarm at the idea of him getting in an altercation with a mercenary, though he wasn’t sure why. If two outsiders got in a fight, it was technically out of his jurisdiction.

“You most certainly will not attempt to hinder their departure,” he said firmly. “It would be detrimental to all parties involved.”

Remus visibly pouted, before sighing and throwing the trowel at the ground hard enough to half-bury it. “Fine, Beanstalk, but at least let me—“

He stepped forwards, even closer, and Logan stiffened, all-too-aware of how small the human was compared to him. “What are you doing?”

His voice came out slightly shriller than normal, and Remus jerked to a stop instantly, glancing up at him before turning his head away, something in his expression dropping.

“I was just… nothing. Forgot for a second,” he muttered, bringing his hand up to inspect his dirt-encrusted nails. He continued before Logan could ask what exactly he’d forgotten that had prompted such a bitter expression. “Anyways, I’m sure you’re tired of babysitting, so I’m heading back. Seeya, Colossus.”

Logan watched as Remus whistled off-tune as he turned away, his shoulders drawn just slightly too-tight, and felt as though he’d missed something important.

The culmination of man's mistakes came the day The sun ran so hot, it turned the desert to glass If there's something to be learned from all these losers It's that the price that you pay For arrogance and a false sense of immunity Is to face the wrath of a dying star

For the next few moon cycles, Remus barely appeared at their-- his makeshift garden, and when he did, he was simultaneously more subdued and twitchier than usual. He almost always left early.

Logan knew, logically, that he should be glad for this development. The human’s basic survival instincts had clearly finally kicked in, and he was distancing himself appropriately from a monster. It was what he’d been expecting from the beginning, and better that it had happened now rather than go on any longer, what with how… worked up he was over it.

Ridiculous. He sighed through his nose and turned away from the cluster of bleeding Hydnellum he’d found, attempting to force his thoughts away from the human and what his reaction to such a unique-looking mushroom specimen would have been. He needed to focus on his duties as the curator of these woods.

However, it seemed fate had other ideas, for it was only a few groves later that he was called upon by a Hamrammr, Alda, who had been wearing the form of a large wood grouse for the past few seasons.

“I have news on your human,” she said, and her tone was urgent enough that Logan forewent reminding her that Remus was not ‘his’ human. “One of my flock saw him dragged into a town jail two days past, and he hasn’t emerged since.”

Logan attempted to ignore his quickening heartbeat. He couldn’t jump to conclusions. “Which town?”

Alda watched him keenly for a moment. “The populous one to the northeast of our territory. Be careful, Curator. You know the laws of these woods apply to even you.”

Logan nodded sharply, and then was moving. Once he reached the fields between his woods and the human settlement, he took a deep breath to clear his mind. Barging into the humans’ space like this would hardly be appropriate, seeing as he worked to keep them from doing the very same to him.

Instead, he folded in on himself like a withering plant, ignoring the painful cracking of wood and bone as he took on a smaller form. A simple glamor to match, and he didn’t receive a second glance as he walked the streets as an average traveler.

An average traveler could find someone willing to gossip easily enough. And if Remus would fear him less in a reduced form, that was just a completely unintentional bonus.

“Criminals? We don’t have many here, and none with a valuable bounty.”

“Really? I believed I heard whispers of a recent arrest,” Logan replied, completely truthfully.

The shopkeep waved his hand dismissively. “Oh, yes, the resident cursebearer was found guilty of conspiring with the beasts of the enchanted wood to try and bring destruction upon our humble town, but as I said, no bounty--”

“The denizens of the woods are forbidden from attacking nearby towns,” Logan recited automatically, his mind racing. Remus was a cursebearer? The practice of directing all the magical and non-magical curses of a town onto one individual was archaic, barbaric, and… explained a lot about Remus’s behavior, actually. There was a strange pit in his stomach at the thought.

“That’s what the giant told everyone, but how are we to really trust the word of a monster? Besides, the cursebearer was witnessed haunting the edges of the woods, speaking with that very giant!” Logan kept his face carefully neutral as the shopkeep shook his head. “It’s just too suspicious. He could have struck a deal, could already be one of those beasts at this point, and he spent enough time dragging filth through our streets as it is. Good riddance, I say.”

The shopkeep broke off as he turned away, hiding the crack in his expressionless mask. Logan barely heard the resulting questions as he walked away with sharp steps.

The next morning, the town woke to the sight of half the jail’s roof torn clean off, and one very distinctive prisoner missing.

You'll be fine, you honeycomb Who could ever hurt you? Who could be so cold? You'll be fine, oh honey pie Who could ever hurt you? Who could be so unkind?

Logan carefully cradled the human’s limp form in one hand, seated in their usual spot at the edge of the woods. He hadn’t expected to be so obvious in his retrieval of Remus, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it, either.

When he’d successfully infiltrated the jail, he’d been subject to an embarrassing lack of control over his magic at the sight of Remus. The human had been barely-conscious, wrists shackled to the wall of his cell and a sickly pallor to his skin. It looked as though what little he’d been fed had been expunged in fits of sickness.

Worst of all, he’d managed to focus on Logan’s frozen form after a moment, and a haphazard expression of delight had spread across his face. “Itty bitty Logan,” he slurred feverishly, “man, did I die al’rdy? Good. Missed ya.”

Logan’s grip on his shapeshift had snapped as though he was a youngling again, and somewhere between caving the ceiling in and rusting the cuffs away, Remus had fallen back to unconsciousness. Even now, as the sun rose, he was uncannily still, only the rasps of each shallow breath proving his life intact.

“I’m unsure what to do,” Logan confessed, studying Remus’s frame. The human was so small without his usual exuberant gesturing. His wrists oozed where the manacles had been, human flesh scabbing over so much slower than Logan’s would have. “I cannot abide the thought of sending you back to live with people who treat you like that, but to bring you into the woods would bind you to them in a way that could not be undone. Bind you to me in a way that could not be undone. I doubt you’d want that.”

“Are you… stupid?”

Logan jolted at the voice, mocking but almost a whisper for how loud it was. “Remus?”

The human was squinting up at him, and even those few words sent him into a fit of coughing. Logan hurriedly drew morning dew up from the nearest saplings and pressed the liquid to Remus’s lips.

“Don’t waste energy,” he chided; Remus flipped him off. “I apologize for… handling you while you were unconscious, but we cannot waste time. You are seriously ill, and need treatment. Do you have anyone who can provide it? Cost is no obstacle.”

Remus snorted audibly, and opened his mouth for a heartbeat before his face pinched in with resulting pain. He shook his head with an eye roll. Logan tried not to feel frustration at his friend’s lackadaisical attitude towards his own health, and failed.

“This is not a joke, Remus! If you don’t get immediate treatment, your only options will be making a contract with my forest, or death.”

Remus held up a finger.

“First option,” he croaked. “Stone for brains.”

Logan was rendered speechless for a short moment, his fingers curling up around the human. “Wh— Remus, you can’t give up on human treatment so rashly. A contract will change you. You’d be, for lack of a better term, stuck with me until you made a full recovery and paid back the debt at the very least.”

Remus hacked out something that might have been another insult to Logan’s intelligence, and he held up his pointer finger more emphatically. “First option. We’re— ‘m your friend. Not scared of you, big fucking nerd. That’s my final word… maybe liter’lly.”

And because he was as dramatic as he was vulgar, Remus chose that moment to let his eyes roll back in his head.

His heartbeat loud in his ears, Logan took a deep breath, pushed all of his concerns and doubts aside, and stepped into the woods.

The years have been hard on this lonely heart If you wanna know the truth There's no more community gardens So I guess I'll have to settle for you

“I don’t get it,” Remus mentioned one afternoon, watching Logan finish the last touches of a seal for a dryad’s lightning wound. “If you didn’t know I was a cursebearer, and you didn’t even end up caring I was a cursebearer anyway, why didn’t you ever let me near you when we hung out?”

Logan pressed the seal into the tree and glanced over at him, sighing with exasperation upon seeing him picking at the turmeric leaves ringed around his healing wrists. At least he couldn’t reach the ones working to repair his lungs.

“You’ll agitate your wounds if you do that,” he chided, reaching over to lift him from the mossy, oversized log he sat on. As always, he hesitated a moment before making contact, and as always, Remus leaned up in advance to greet him, as though being carried in the palm of a giant was not only normal, but also the only form of transportation he’d ever accept.

“Ooh, sounds fun.” Remus grinned mischievously but did indeed stop uprooting the plants embedded in his skin. He laid himself out flat on his back instead, an arm and a leg dangling over the edges of Logan’s curled hand, uncaring of the cool forest air rushing past him as Logan walked. “You still haven’t answered my question, though.”

“I’m not sure I fully understand it. You’re asking why I didn’t physically interact with you, before, but I believe the answer is obvious.” Logan adjusted his woven sleeve cuff absently. “I simply… found your company enjoyable and didn’t wish to scare you off, I suppose.”

He waited for the typical laughter that came whenever he implied that maybe Remus should be wary around him, since he was by most human definitions, a literal giant monster. It didn’t come.

Instead, Remus’s face was scrunched up in thought. “So… it was because you wanted to keep being friends. And not because you thought I was gross, or repellant, or better off as juicy blood mulch, or--”

“If anyone wants to mulch you, Remus,” Logan interrupted neatly, “they will have to go through me first.”

“...Not if I get to them first,” Remus responded, a slow grin building on his face. “Since we’re friends and all.”

“That completely counteracts the point of my protection, but yes,” Logan said, a small smile of his own finding its way onto his face, “we certainly are.”

#sanders sides #platonic intrulogical #g/t #donation drive #ts logan #ts remus #songfic #alt title: two bros sitting in the woods five ft apart cuz theyre 'monsters'#logan may have the brain cell but he certainly doesnt have a high EQ lol #writing #my writing #commissioned works #htmlfroggy

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feralnumberfive · 2 years

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absolutely losing it at that anon having a pissy little meltdown in your askbox aksjsnkadjdhdb. implying that people who get vaccinated don't have immune systems??? like babe please i am begging you to retake your primary school biology and health classes and learn how immune systems actually work

Yeah damn cute little immunized anon, you've been living with an immune system that hasn't had an immunization to anything until you got Covid?? Maybe since I'm "poisoned" you'd be wiling to share your precious blood with me so that my body with a nonexistent immune system can be saved from the upcoming zombie apocalypse 🥺 Also I've been fully vaccinated and haven't gotten Covid yet (to my knowledge) and yet they haven't gotten the vaccine and got Covid. I have been quarantined in the same home as someone with Covid, sat in the same room as them and STILL did not get Covid and left quarantine with a negative Covid test just fine.

Does the sweet little immunized anon know that within their precious immune system a cytokine storm can happen in which their own body destroys itself trying to fight off against Covid? Are they aware that they can get Covid again despite being "immunized" against it because their body's immune system doesn't work like they think it does and can get infected with another mutation/variation of the virus? Sure vaccinated people can get Covid too, but with the vaccine the chances of getting it are lower.

If this immunized anon comes back and sees this message let me just say this: Humble yourself. You’re lucky you were (presumably) not on a ventilator with a feeding tube through your nose yourself. You’re lucky you (presumably) didn’t lose your sense of taste or smell unlike others who still have not gained theirs back after a year. And most importantly, you're lucky you haven’t died. You’re lucky you haven’t suffered like others who died without loved ones being able to visit them. You’re lucky you haven’t died scared and alone like the countless videos out there with people who think like you, who thought they were unmuzzled and without “poison” in them but ended up dying with tears in their eyes and feared for their life because they realized they were so incredibly wrong. My autoimmune teacher laid dying in the hospital due to a disease without being able to see her young children or husband before she passed because of Covid guidelines. She wouldn’t have been safe even if she had lived. Getting the vaccine isn’t only about yourself, but for others who can’t protect themselves, for those who need help and extra protection around them. Humble yourself anon, you survived this time but you may not the next.

#my other sweet anon here none of this is directed at you and I love you and yeah it's so ridiculous of this immunized anon askjdhfja #thank you sweet anon for agreeing with how pathetic this anon is #ask #anon

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rivahisu107 · 3 years

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The Unresolved Baby Subplot Chapter 4: Two Ackermans & Two Plotholes

With Levi and Hange out of the way, the island of Paradis is descending further into unrest: the Jaegerists are gaining control, the wine plan has been exposed, and Marley is on its way for retribution. Would any of this had happened if the Queen were not having a child under the strangest of circumstances?

Meanwhile, Eren’s friends have been hurt by his apparent betrayal, but Mikasa has taken the worst of it. Eren claims that as an Ackerman, she latched onto him as a host due to her genetics and claims that he has always hated her. And now they are being held in prison as Yelena provides her side of the story. But what does this have to do with the baby? And what else can we learn about the Ackermans?

Hold on, we’re in for a wild ride and a callback to an overlooked but vital clue from Clash of the Titans in the latest install of this (conspiracy) theory for the unresolved baby subplot! Because let me tell you, there is a key piece of evidence here that almost certainly proves the paternity of the child.

Yelena is coolly explaining the logistics of Zeke and Eren’s secret plan to the Corps. With sterilization, the Jaeger brothers will save the world from the curse of the Subjects of Ymir by taking out their reproductive abilities. Unfortunately, this is met with complete disgust- and mockery on Armin’s part- from the Corps. But how exactly will this plan protect Paradis from invasion until the last of the people die out? Let’s let Yelena explain with a cameo from Historia:

To compare to the fifty year plan:

Both involve using a partial Rumbling as a deterrent force.

Both involve maintaining the Founder.

Both need the royal family.

The problem is... on repeat readings, Yelena is not making much sense here, and the euthanasia plan has a huge plot hole. Why? Let’s do a breakdown.

“Both the Founder and the royal family must be maintained.”

Problem one. Assuming euthanasia succeeds, there will be no more possibility of Historia having more royal blood children, but she will have one child- and from the reader’s perspective, this is her child who is assumed to be born of her and of the normal, humble farmer. Sounds good so far, right? But what is Yelena saying here? The Founder can only be used as a deterrent if possessed by either 1. a person of royal blood or 2. a non-royal blood user of the Founder and a royal blood Titan. And Yelena is saying that these must be maintained separately. Huh? And what happened to Historia inheriting the Beast Titan? It could still be part of the plan, but that leads to problem two.

“So long as a few Subjects of Ymir inherit the Founding Titan until that child passes from the world.”

See? Nothing about the two remaining members of the royal family inheriting the Titan Shifters. Only a few non-royal Subjects of Ymir are going to be getting the Founder. Even assuming the Beast Titan would be inherited by Historia and then her child, their life spans would only be totaled twenty-six years. This is not enough time to wait for all the Subjects of Ymir to die off. Besides, Yelena only mentions the child. It seems that the royal family would have been spared turning into Titan Shifters.

The problem is: How is a child of royal blood, who is not going to be given a Titan Shifter to inherit, going to protect the island for at least fifty or so years until the population dies off by working together with the non-royal Founder users?

I’m sorry, dear readers, but I will just say here. If you still think that this child is supposed to be the child of a nameless, faceless farmer at this point, then you are fools. Yes, Historia doesn’t have to love somebody who has special abilities that could be passed on to her children, but with a plot hole like this, there has to be something bigger going on. You do not have to be special to be born into the world, but clearly there is something special about this child that could be easily exploited by Yelena and the like.

...

Alright, time to travel back to Clash of the Titans arc! Wait, what? Why here? It features a huge moment with the main couple of the manga. Remember, Eren thinks back to this time during the time skip when he realizes just how he activated the Coordinate for the first time.

As he and Mikasa were about to die and he promised to always wrap that scarf around her, Eren, unknowingly possessing the Founder along with the Attack Titan, got the strength to punch back the Titan who later turned out to be Dina Fritz, the royal blooded mother of Zeke, and activated the Coordinate to control the Titans and get revenge for Hannes’ death. We all know that now, correct?

The Corps is making its getaway, but then they have Reiner and Bertholdt to deal with as well. Reiner correctly predicts to us readers that Eren is the most dangerous person to possess the Founder. And then Eren uses its power again.

What’s going on here? Eren activated the Coordinate again without being in contact with a Titan of royal blood! The only person he is in physical contact with is Mikasa Ackerman.

Ackerman.

We all know Eren lied about the Ackerman slave thing, but he mixed in some lies with the truth about Ackermans. This is what else he had to say based on his conversations with Zeke, who has all these memories of Tom Ksaver’s work with the Titan Research Society with all kinds of info about Titans and the Ackerman clan.

“A bloodline that could partly manifest the strength of a Titan while in human form.”

Oh! So that explains why Mikasa and Levi are so strong and heal faster than normal Eldians and why they are also immune to memory wipes. Okay, they’re Titans in human form, so how could Mikasa activate the Coordinate at least partially?

Well. In Chapter 107, the same chapter that Historia is revealed to be pregnant under unusual circumstances, we have a flashback and visit from Hizuru, the land of some of Mikasa’s lineage on her mother’s side. And what do we learn from Kiyomi? Mikasa is the descendent of the shogun- the royal family- who was left behind and lost on Paradis for at least a century! A lost princess!

Dear readers, Mikasa has been the key this whole time. She, a person of Ackerman, normal Eldian, and royal blood of Hizuru, managed to activate the Coordinate by being in contact with Eren, even if it was only a partial activation.

This here is the answer to the euthanasia plothole. This is also almost absolute proof that this child was intended to be Levi and Historia’s child. An Ackerman with Eldian royal blood would have the ability to manifest the strength and powers of a Titan without having to turn into a Titan. And when in contact with the Founder, they would be able to use the Coordinate to defend the island. And the child would be able to live out a full life, so no worries about Titan shifting.

But unfortunately, this would mean using the child as a tool, used for causing mass destruction no matter if one is pro-euthanasia or pro-Rumbling. The parents of the child would likely be opposed to this, and Eren himself has qualms with using children. It’s no wonder that Yelena and Floch were more than happy to get their number one threat, Levi, out of the way, and Hange as well.

Oh. Oh oh oh. And if you want to see some classic Isayama trolling, check out this Q & A from the August 2018 magazine- you know, the magazine with Chapter 107, the pregnancy plot reveal.

Um, yeah, so it seems that this was what Isayama was going for all along with the pregnancy subplot.

Unfortunately, it never amounted to anything really, not even symbolically. We still don’t have all our answers for it explicitly made. It’s rather too bad, because there is potentially further proof I found- and a plothole- that connects to this, also about Ackermans.

...

Chapter 126 opens with Hange killing off several Jaegerists while protecting a comatose Levi. She tends to his wounds and delivers some exposition about Ackermans which fits with the previous chapter about euthanasia and the child.

What is the problem here? In story, we never find out the reason how Hange even knows this. In Chapter 108, the Corps was discussing inheriting the Founder, and Jean mentioned that at the time about a year before the Rumbling, they didn’t even understand what the Ackerman clan was.

So, how does Hange know this, and why is it so important to know that Ackermans can’t turn into Titans? Sure, the two known members of the clan were the only two people who were left to kill Eren because they were immune to the centipede which just vanished for unknown reasons after Eren died, but I am asking how Hange knew this in the first place. Why?

“Everyone was turned into Titans, but only you survived.”

Hange hadn’t seen Levi in at least a month. There is no way that Hange could have asked him if he drank the tainted wine or seen him drink it and then go on to conclude that Ackermans can’t turn into Titans without affirming the former was done while he was unconscious.

One thing about Hange post time skip is that the focus is on her being commander without much for the Titan science aspect. There is one obscure moment from Chapter 109 that got me thinking. While she is having a moment of frustration, she suddenly collects herself and states:

What does she need to study? Is she trying to find more solutions to the problem at hand? I don’t know if books will really help them in the situation of, “What to do when the Queen is pregnant and can’t become a Titan Shifter to guarantee the island’s safety while trying to prepare for a global strike because Eren was an idiot and acted alone”, but I do have to wonder here. Could Hange have been trying to study something about the Ackerman clan, something about a potential child with mixed genes?

The above is more of a guess from me than anything, but it’s the only thing I could find that would explain how Hange would make such a bold statement without seeing the evidence- that would make her a bad scientist.

Funny enough, as readers, believe it or not, we might have proof that at some point, even if not in the forest, that Levi did drink tainted wine. It’s blink and you miss it.

A few chapters back, I speculated about the banquet and Levi being counted as top brass, the only section of the military permitted to drink the wine. Again, without seeing the banquet ever, this point is hard to prove, but it’s not impossible to think that it would happen. It’s in Chapter 112 when Zeke’s plan goes into action that we can see something happen to Levi’s body.

There is a twitch effect surrounding his body going through his hair and clothes. The brass from many miles away felt a reaction go through their bodies too akin to a shock or a twitch. And to see what the anime staff did, check out this blink and you miss it GIF.

Furthermore, check out this dialogue.

“When’d he start tainting it?”

Oh dear. He really screwed up in many ways this arc. But he is one of the lucky ones indeed. If he weren’t an Ackerman, he’d be long dead in the story.

...

That was a lot of ground to cover in this chapter, but perhaps we have struck through the surface of the mystery of the Ackerman clan in the most unexpected ways.

The next chapter will feature bits and pieces of odd evidence that could be key to the unresolved baby plot. After Chapter 123, it seems that the whole thing is almost forgotten, so I do question if there really was a retcon or a change to a more open ending with it all. Even if what is said in the following chapters has nothing to do with the baby, the buildup theorized about here may unlock a few of the creative decisions made.

#attack on titan #rivahisu #unresolved baby plot #unresolved plotlines #ackerman clan

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starkerintheparker · 4 years

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starker reclist - canon based fics

Hi Starker fam! To celebrate my 900 followers I decided to finally start posting my humble and very personal reclist. I’ve been planning to do it for a while now but it got way bigger than I anticipated so I decided to split it in 4 parts and will share the first one today. I’ve been around for less than a year and there’s a lot I haven’t read yet so my plan is to update this list as I go.

Under the cut is part I, solely is dedicated to canon-based fics. I’m a sucker for angst so most of my recs feature guilty!Tony, miscommunication, porn with feels and all that jazz. Hopefully you’ll be able to find something interesting according to your preferences. Oh and don’t forget to leave kudos, comments and spread the love for these authors :) Cheers!

Last updated: 2020/04/18. All new fics added will be marked with ***

• 10 Ways to Woo Your Boo by @darker-soft-starker (NR, 6k, completed)

Summary: By twenty-one Peter Parker had graduated college, scored himself a post-grad job and was a full-fledged member of the Avengers. He had his own apartment, paid his own bills and juggled his time between being a superhero and working enough to cover his rent. So long as Peter was armed with his ID, he was a full-fledged adult in the eyes of the law. Perhaps foolishly, he’d assumed it would make him an adult in the eyes of everybody else too. Keen to be seen as worthy of Tony's heart, Peter enlists the help of his friends and the internet in courting his former mentor.

Review: We all love Ash’s fantastic AUs but this lovely canon-based fic may be one of my favorite works by her. I will never know how she manages the fine balance between angst, humor and romance, I just know it hits me good and takes my breath away. Oblivious!Tony and Peter being a bisexual disaster at wooing, what do you mean this wasn’t in the movies? Sounds canon to me.

• 100-Point Restoration by Destina (T, 8k, completed)

Summary: Tony needs a happiness upgrade; Peter wants Tony. These goals might be compatible. (This story is set roughly five years post-Homecoming).

Review: I just realized this was the first Starker fic I’ve read, and it was back in 2017! I didn’t ship Starker at the time but this author must have done something right because for some reason I couldn’t take my eyes away. This fic is gorgeous. Tony’s voice is amazing, his dynamics with Peter are spot-on and organic - but nothing’s better than watching their feelings unfold, like a soft and warm humming just awaiting for disclosure.

• adult supervision by doveslayer (M, 20k, on hiatus)

Summary: Peter Parker should not keep drunk-dialing Tony Stark after midnight. But more pressingly, Tony Stark should not keep answering. In which Tony tries to convince himself he's doing nothing wrong. warning: underage!Peter tho pretty vanilla imo

Review: My favorite “everything is happening while nothing is happening” fic. Their voices are spot on, the dialogues are clever, and you can almost touch the tension with your fingertips. It’s been a year since the last update but even if this fic never gets finished I promise the read will have been worthy!

• Attached by @paspleurer (E, 7k, completed)

Summary: Tony gets it, he really does. As far as rebounds go, sleeping with your childhood hero isn't half bad. And if what Peter wants is this— just sex, with no strings attached— then Tony will give him this.

Review: Pleurer and Learned Foot have seduced me with the rebound trope. This is a lovely Tony POV with the good old pining + miscommunication combo, plus enthusiastic sex and sweet domesticity. What else could I ask for?

• Covet by RTC anonymous (E, 34k, completed)

Summary: Peter has a new boyfriend. Tony starts drinking again, for unrelated reasons.

Review: I read this fic when I was still warily lurking around the Starker fandom and it blew me away. The sexual tension is so palpable you can almost taste it. There is jealous, guity Tony failing at mentoring and a vulnerable, smitten Peter Parker trying to make sense out of it. RTC anon is a religion.

• Ephemeron by @ramblings-from-elsinore (E)

Summary: "Being around Ned, Peter's reminded how out of place he is. For Ned, the second ever appearance of aliens over Manhattan is the stuff of excited hallway chatter, of where were you when—? Ned’s world wasn’t blown apart and stitched back together. Because Ned doesn’t remember. No one does, except the ones who were there, who fought." AKA, "Tony's relationship with Peter may be unconventional, but they’re unconventional people who have had some pretty fucking unconventional experiences." In which Tony can't stop touching Peter to make sure he's real, and Peter dreams of being in Tony's arms and not disappearing.

Review: I started reading this fic before I joined the fandom and man, what a way to get pulled into this ship. Brace yourself for hardcore guilty!Tony being all over the place plus unhealthy codependency and touch deprivation, all the good things. Reading this is a spiritual experience but fair warning: this is not a happy story, at least not for a long while, so please mind the tags.

• Expiration Date by @learned-foot (E, 12k, completed)

Summary: Tony knows exactly what this is. First big breakup, go for a fling with a completely inappropriate person. It’s basically a cliché. He kind of thought Peter was better than that, but apparently being brilliant and one of the bravest people on the face of the planet doesn’t mean he’s immune from being a stupid college student who makes stupid college student mistakes. AKA Tony is sure this is just a fling, and he deals with that about as well as you’d expect.

Review: Ahh my beloved rebound trope and my first rec (out of many) by LF! Between a pining, insecure Tony making all the wrong decisions and a young and confident Peter unwilling to let him go, this fic makes your heart ache in the best ways. Good thing LF only works with happy endings!

• From Thy Bounty by @ibby-writes and feyrelay (E, 31k, completed)

Summary: Tony’s eyes are always dark, but now there's almost no iris left. He looks hollowed out. There’s something terribly hungry there, despite the feast they've filled themselves on.

Review: I’ve lost count of how many times I reread this insanely hot and ridiculously well written fic. Besides the A+++ characterization, there is delicious food porn foreplay followed by a breathtaking cat and mouse game that culminates with no less than 13.5k of intense and unapologetic sex with feels, my favorite kind. Enjoy the meal! ;D

***Gift of Choice by tuesday (E, 12k, completed)

Summary: Tony Stark had a thing about giving Peter stuff.

Review: This is my favorite fic by tuesday and the PERFECT rendition of our beloved sugar daddy trope. Great pacing, amazing dialogues and a breathtaking build up that makes you both smile and sweat in anticipation. They’re so in love I almost can’t handle when they finally get together. Sexy, hot and very sweet.

• here is my hand, my heart by belatrix (E, 16k, completed)

Summary: Mostly, Tony had tried not to look. He still does. Try, that is. It’s just― it’s getting a little bit harder every day.

Review: I have a HUGE soft spot for this beautiful masterpiece, because it was the fic that finally made me join the Starker fandom. I’ve reread it so many times and it never fails to amaze me. Through an atmospheric non-linear narrative, this shows a guilt-ridden Tony Stark trying and failing to resist one determined Peter Parker who won’t take bullshit for an answer. Hot, and angsty, and breathtaking.

• I know that you got Daddy Issues (And I do too) by feyrelay (E)

Summary: The one where Peter’s blue balls save the world. Because, yeah? That meandering, blooming thing between him and Mr. Stark? That relationship that continues to be maddeningly legal, platonic, and above-board, but still somehow haunts Peter’s wildest wet-dreams? That might just be the key to Strange’s endgame.

Review: This fic is a love letter to those who appreciate an angsty and nuanced slow burn like me. Possibly the best character study I’ve ever read combined with a clever, well researched and intricated plot. Reading this will make you fall even more in love with Tony and Peter as individuals, before wanting them to be better together. Make sure to also check all related fics under the tag DIEU (Daddy Issues Extended Universe) - the Starker verse we fucking deserve.

• if I am the river, you are the ocean by sadonsundays (E, 7k, completed)

Summary: The one where Tony can't sleep and Peter can't stop his hands from shaking.

Review: This is a gorgeous recovery fic, painful and heartbreaking, yes, but still very gentle as Tony and Peter’s relationship quietly unfolds. Pepper is an absolute treat which was refreshing to me. I just love the quiet and angsty undertone that guides their journey until they finally find home in each other.

if you’d grant my love a pardon by belatrix (M, 2.5k, completed)

Summary: The first time, it goes something like this: “No,” Tony says, but it’s tired, half-hearted, not quite a denial.

Review: One of the reasons why I love this ship is that there’s always room for angst, even when they’re already together. This lovely yet heartbreaking fic mirrors Tony’s fragile heart as he realizes that as much as he should, he just can’t let go of Peter, not quite yet. Belatrix writes guilty!Tony’s headspace like nobody else and I just can’t recommend her writing enough.

• in the light of a dying star by @areiton (M, 6k, completed) fix-it

Summary: Extremis isn't a guarantee. That's what Pepper told him, as they took him off the bloody, dusty field. It was just a chance. A desperate gamble.

Review: I’m so glad I read this right after Endgame because this is the fix-it Tony and we all deserved, this fic is so comforting and beautiful. I really love the quiet, ethereal atmosphere and how it shapes our perception of time and character development. Peter is beautifully written and their get together made my heart ache in peace.

• In the Morning by @cagestark (M, 6k, completed)

Summary: Peter's pretty stressed. He isn't understanding physics despite all the extra time he is spending with Bruce. And underneath it all, something is wrong with Mr. Stark.

Review: Heart wrenching and painfully honest fic, where Tony is a jealous mess and Peter is his usual earnest, sweet and good self. They meet in the middle, and it’s quiet, beautiful and sad.

• Kiss Me by @ironspi

Summary: Five times Peter and Tony almost kiss and one time they did.

Review: This fic was such a lovely surprise! It begins unpretentious and it builds up to quality pining and unresolved sexual tension. Chapter 4 is particularly awesome, so charged and intimate. Kudos to the author for exploring Peter taking the lead and making Tony melt in his arms.

• Landslide by spqr (M, 8k, completed) fix-it

Summary: Peter jumps into the quantum realm with his heart in his throat. He steps out in 2018, on the edge of a lake he still has nightmares about. A hundred yards away over the water, the lights in the lakehouse are on.

Review: Morally ambiguous characters + angsty time travel? Count me in. This fic has a very interesting (and darker) take on Peter post-Thanos, in his raw and desperate grief over Tony. Bonus points for amazing dialogues and a fix-it plot so clever and believable I’m surprised I didn’t see it on screen.

• lean on me now by @areiton (G, 9k, on hiatus)

Summary: He’s so tired, and he hurts, the kind of screaming pain he’s struggling to ignore now, and he wants to go home. But he can do this. He can sit and watch, and keep them safe. A wry smile tugs at his lips because he knows how ridiculous that sounds--a kid keeping Avengers safe.

Review: One of the best canon divergence fics I’ve ever read. It’s quiet, angsty and Peter’s voice is simply amazing. My heart breaks for Tony, but I’m so here for Peter & Rhodey’s brOTP, the fandom deserves more of it.

• noticing by @areiton (NR, 2k, completed)

Summary: “You deserve to be happy,” Rhodey tells Tony once, when Tony is drinking and conflicted and Peter is sleeping unaware on the couch. Tony watches him, eyes bright.

Review: How could I ever resist seeing Tony and Peter’s relationship development through Rhodey’s protective and thoughtful gaze? Any Tony stan should read this fic because this is the kind of love, friendship and support he deserves. Reading this put my mind at rest, knowing Tony’s cared for, and safe.

• Obvious by @learned-foot (M, 14k, completed)

Summary: When Peter wakes up, several things become very clear all at once: he’s underground somewhere unpleasant, something is messing with his powers, and his entire body hurts. A lot.

Review: WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP *victory dance* god this one is brutal, but we can trust LF to bring on full angst with an intriguing plot and A+++ characterization. I’m so here for protective!Tony doing whatever it takes to keep Peter safe, including all the confusion and heartbreak his problematic decisions may bring.

• Permission by @cagestark (E, 16k, completed)

Summary: During drinks with the Avengers, Peter admits that he enjoys orgasms more when someone is giving him permission, though since he's single, there isn't anyone in his life to offer it. Generous Tony offers to offer it.

Review: This fic is unique and so very hot, but don’t let the smutty summary fool you. There is also tenderness and FEELS in capital letters. Despite their arrangement, pining!Tony is so vulnerable and so completely in love with Peter it kinda breaks my heart a little, but thankfully Cage is a big fan of happy endings like me, so we’re all safe in her hands.

***Post-Endgame NYE by @darker-soft-starker (M, completed)

Summary: Five years after the events of endgame Tony is resurrected. Months after that, he's still trying to find equilibrium

Review: Hands down the loveliest ‘flirting on a bench’ I’ve ever seen, and my top favorite NYE Starker fic. I love to see Tony facing an existential crisis while he navigates his new life post-resurrection, including the violent realization of ‘oh no, Peter’s an attractive adult now’. Gentle and gorgeous get together, kudos at Morgan for being a little devil and playing matchmaking.

• Proxy by @cagestark (E, 11k, completed)

Summary: Peter wants to know if Mr. Stark knows, like, anybody who’d be willing to make out with him. Things escalate from there.

Review: I have such a big soft spot for this fic because “by proxy” is one of my favorite tropes and Cage explored it masterfully. Again, this is pining!Tony at his best and Cage just has this ability to transform what once started as a sexy little thing into this soft and gentle love story, the kind that gives you butterflies in the stomach.

• Radar by @intoxicatelou (M)

Summary: Peter could say that he’s officially approached desperation, but he wants this, wants Tony, and he’s willing to do everything it takes. Or the one in which Peter tries to become Tony's celebrity crush from 2009 in order to seduce him.

Review: This is one of my favorites self-indulgent fics, I just can’t resist the good old “Peter’s seduction handbook” trope and intoxicatelou delivers it beautifully. This story is sweet, super fun and relatable af. There’s A+ pining, Peter being a bisexual disaster and MJ being the queen we all stan, shocking absolutely no one.

• Revelations by RTC anonymous (E, 127k, completed)

Summary: “I still don’t get it,” Ned says. “How you just... keep being ordinary in spite of all the craziness you’ve lived through. You were in space. You helped Iron Man save the universe. And nobody knows it was you.” His tone softens, becomes almost sad. As though he realizes that what he’s saying is so completely alien to him that he will never be able to understand this part of Peter’s life. “Peter, don’t you want people to know you for who you are?” An AU where they get the Gauntlet off of Thanos that first time, on Titan.

Review: I feel like I don’t need to justify this choice – almost everyone in the fandom has either heard of or read this masterpiece, it’s safe to say this fic is part of the Starker Training Wheels Protocol lol. If you have just arrived or is just exploring the fandom and enjoys slow burns I suggest you start right hee because it doesn’t get any better than this. There’s A+++ characterization, breathtaking pining, insane sexual tension and a very satisfying ending if I may say so. Definitely among my top 3 Starker fics. RTC anon, wherever you are, please know you are loved and appreciated. I’ll literally build an altar for you.

• Reversal by @learned-foot (E, 4k, completed)

Summary: Sometimes, Tony is the one who needs to be praised.

Review: For once Peter makes Tony just lie down and take 😊 the fucking 😊 praise 😊. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this fic all my life. This is the praise kink Tony (and we all) deserve, genuine, gentle and powerful. If you’re a big sap for their love like I am, you’re in for an emotional ride because this is overwhelmingly sweet to the point it brings tears to your eyes. LF is such a gift to this fandom.

• Settling by @cagestark (E, 5k, completed)

Summary: Peter really wants to be taller than Tony. Heels help.

Review: One of my favorites by Cage, I still remember how happy and giggly I felt when I first read it. There is A+++ characterization, amazing dialogue, Avengers domesticity, praise kink, the hottest blow job and my favorite Starker first kiss. Oh, did I mention Peter in heels and Tony loving every moment of it? You’re welcome :D

• Stipulations by RTC anonymous (E, 70k, completed)

Summary: Peter Parker’s long term dream recently went from ‘get into MIT’ to ‘afford going to MIT’. As the time approaches, it’s dawning on him that he won’t be able to pay his tuition and afford the move to Cambridge all at once: he’s out of money, his secrets are beginning to pile up, and desperation has started creeping in... And then one night, he saves Tony Stark’s life.

Review: Another fandom classic by our irreplaceable RTC anon, this fic is SO GOOD I keep coming back to it and just recently I realized I’ve built all my personal Starker headcanons out of it, lol. A+++ characterization and hot, delicious pining is a given with this author, but I’m really here for that senses-dialed-to-11 trope, and RTC delivers it masterfully.

• subtle by @areiton (T, 1k, completed)

Summary: Peter is not subtle. He wears his emotion, his excitement, like a flag waved bright red and teasing for a bull—impossible to go unnoticed, impossible to ignore. It’s adorable and it’s Peter, and it’s—in hindsight—why Tony misses the context clues.

Review: This fic is like reading poetry, a balm to the heart. Peter wears Tony’s colors and by the time Tony finally gets the context clues they fall together in the gentlest, softest way.

• Take it slow by tuesday (E, 13k, completed)

Summary: There were a ton of reasons dating Peter was a bad idea. Tony loved bad ideas. He was going to do it anyway. In which Tony thinks they're dating, and then they're dating undercover.

Review: This fic is so endearing it’s basically impossible not to cheer for these two, despite their usual infuriating communication issues, lol. But I promise all the angst and wait are worth it, because there’s nothing more satisfying than seeing how they (finally!) get to be on the same page.

• the record spins on the trails we blaze by @darker-soft-starker (NR, 5k, completed)

Summary: Years after the events of Homecoming, Peter thought all of the bad memories were well and truly behind him. After all, so much has happened since then - and he's happy now. Everything is kinda perfect.Turns out nothing stays buried.

Review: Hell yes! I agree HoCo’s events were particularly traumatizing and this trope is not as explored as it should be. To put it simply, this fic is something I didn’t know that I needed and Ash delivered it beautifully. It’s incredibly gentle, cathartic and honest, not to mention the lovely domesticity and understanding between the characters that will make your heart swell.

• Under Someone Else by @learned-foot (M, 7k, completed)

Summary: Peter realizes he’s just a rebound. And he’s okay with that, really. Or at least, that’s what he keeps telling himself.

Review: FEELS, FEELS EVERYWHERE. It’s so hard to choose a favorite fic by LF but this is the first that comes to mind because it introduced me to the amazing rebound trope. It’s so refreshing to see this ship’s potential for angst and miscommunication playing into the “fuck first, talk later” scenario. Warning for vulnerable boys being idiots and breaking our hearts but P.P.P.S they do eventually get their shit together and it’s glorious!

• Up for Anything by tuesday (E, 8k, completed)

Summary: When it came to Tony Stark, Peter would take what he could get. In which Peter believes he's just a rebound. (Not Endgame compliant.)

Review: Of course there’s yet another gorgeous rebound rec because I can’t get enough of this trope. Honestly, LF and Tuesday writing for each other have provided some of the best fics this fandom has, God bless them. This is another treat featuring pining!Peter and the usual “I can’t communicate properly how much I fucking love you”, but there’s also bantering, delicious dirty talk and so much affection that you’ll read it all with the biggest smile on your face.

#starker #reclist #peter parker x tony stark

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willownoir1112 · 3 years

Text

Hello you beautiful people of Tumblr! Wyn here with day two of White Rose Week! I am humbled by the wonderful response my day one submission received, and I hope everyone continues to enjoy as we continue onward!

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Rules

No one, not even a Goddess, can ever predict a zombie apocalypse. But, to a well organized, if overly sugared mind, even a plague of brain eating former people can be survived. And if said mind is kept in check by an equally overly caffeinated, blueberry and cute dog adoring brain, well, even an attack by creatures even the Grimm fear due to not being immune may in fact be survivable.

"Listen up!" Ruby Rose roars as she looks about at the gathered survivors of Beacon Academy, which had been hit hard by the initial wave of the undead. They have all gathered inside the auditorium, which has been turned into a small fortress by the group of survivors in their desperation and fear. "My beautiful white wolf and I have been planning for this since second year, and we've come up with some rules that everyone needs to follow if we're going to survive this."

"Rules?!" Cardin Winchester cries out in terror as he sits next to a boarbatusk that is actually trembling in fear. "What good are rules against things that won't die?!"

Weiss Schnee sighs as she looks at him with sympathy for his obviously missing brain, thus making him a hundred percent safe from the rampaging hordes. "Because if we follow this list of simple rules, we will keep ourselves and others safe, you ignoramus. Or do all of you want to end up like Jaune?" She points out.

Every single head, whether it belongs to a Grimm, a human, or a faunus shakes vigorously. The blonde in question having made the mistake of approaching what they all believed to be a sick little girl. To their horror, they all watched in an odd detached fascination as the child proceeded to knock him down and start feasting on his face, while his screams turned into something that was simply not human.

Then the rest of the zombie hordes descended upon them, which is how they all found themselves inside Beacon's auditorium, which was the closest shelter they could safely reach.

"Any other questions?" Ruby calls out, once again getting vigorous headshakes as well as murmured responses in the negative. "Ok, good! Now, let's get started!" She declares as she turns towards a salvaged chalkboard from an otherwise empty storage room and begins to write vigorously. "Rule number one, Cardio! To escape a pursuing zombie you'll need to out-run it, and that means being in good shape!"

"Welp, I'm doomed!" Automne Ombre from team TAPE declares sullenly, his leader, Tyra, nodding in agreement.

"Rennie, I promise Yang and I will take turns carrying you!" Nora Valkyrie declares as she hugs her best friend, who has a look of acceptance for his fate on his face.

Weiss shakes her head. "Ren, you and several others will need to work on your endurance. Or get very good at climbing trees and buildings."

"Arrrr. Roo, ruff ruff." A beowolf barks out next.

"He wants to point out that several Griffons have been turned as well." The Hound declares calmly from where it sits next to Weiss's twin sister Willow, her new Master.

"It was a pleasure to know you all." Ren deadpans seriously as he untangles himself from Nora. But to everyone's surprise, he suddenly strides to Emerald Sustrai and sweeps her off her feet and into a deep kiss.

"Now that's a kiss!" Ruby declares, while Weiss holds up a sign with a number nine on it. Blake holds up an eight, and Yang enthusiastically waves a ten over her head.

"Ahem, can we continue?" Professor Goodwitch calls out, even as she keeps staring nervously at the scroll held in hands threatening to shatter the device if they hold it much more tightly. "Please, Mina. Please answer me." She mutters.

"Fair enough. Ruby, rule number two please?"

"Number does! Double Tap! When in doubt, don't get stingy with your bullets!" The Reaper declares enthusiastically as she brandishes her Crescent Rose above her head.

"As we have all learned now, most zombies won't die from just one hit unless it's a shot to the head, and it will instead get up in very little time - and will then bite you." Weiss continues as the rabbit faunus fawns over her beloved weapon. "The most effective way to prevent this is to take a second shot or a follow up hit to their head which will stop them from attacking again, and surely one more shot can't do too much harm! For this to work, you will need at least two shots in your weapon at all times so you can double tap without having to worry about reloading in time."

You usually won't get that time!" Ruby singsongs before she returns to hugging her sweetheart.

"Luckily, the second shot should be easier as the first shot should take the zombie to the floor and temporarily prevent the zombie from moving." The white wolf finishes before Gibbs slapping her girlfriend. "Stop that, dolt!"

"And just what are you going to do, Weiss?" Blake calls out as she sits next to Ilia, who is staring in fascination at the full sized Drake that has managed to squeeze into the auditorium with them.

"I'm the first tap!" Ruby declares menacingly.

"And I'm the second, Kitten." Weiss follows up coldly.

"I'm convinced." Yang declares firmly as she sits next to Nora, who is watching in surprise as Ren continues to make out with a still surprised Emerald. "So what's the next rule, sis?"

"Limber Up!" She declares enthusiastically. "Before going into a zombie-infested area, you'll need to prepare for the impending running by limbering up."

Cinder Fall, who is sitting next to a shell shocked Pyrrha, holds up her hand. "Hold up! This one doesn't make much sense!"

Dr. Ara Ebony stands while nodding. "I hate to inform you of this, but despite the common notion that stretching prior to exercise reduces the chance of injury, or prepares you for a run, most modern studies point to muscle and tendon stretching exercises prior to engaging in heavy cardio actually reducing performance and increasing the likelihood of muscle, joint, and connective tissue injury." She explains calmly, getting a groan from the Reaper.

"I told you that was a ridiculous rule, Dolt." Weiss adds in agreement.

"Fine! Forget that one!" She sighs as she looks around. "Then let's go with the Buddy System!" She declares as her grin returns. "You can't always look in front of you and behind you at the same time."

"Even though the common zombie has so far proven themselves to be slow they can still surround you and trap you in a corner, so with the help of a buddy you have a better chance of clearing and keeping an area safe." The white wolf explains as she smiles. "There is also another great reason to follow this rule which would be in case you get an injury the assistance of another person can be perfect for this situation."

Velvet stands and looks around. "And, if you don't want to be with people, It's easier using a handgun to your head."

"We have plenty of them stashed in our dorm room!" Coco adds with a cocky smirk.

"How about sharing some then?!" Cardin cries out. "I don't even own a squirt gun!"

"Apologize to my sister, and we'll talk." Sasha Scarlatina, who is in her first year growls out, her own girlfriend Sarah Arc next to her and already counting her ammo.

To everyone's complete and total surprise, the young man walks to the rabbit faunus and falls to his knees in front of her. "I'm sorry." He declares loudly enough to be heard by everyone present. "I'm an asshole, and I honestly don't deserve a single bit of kindness anyone would show me, but I'm not ready to die."

"Apology… accepted." Velvet whispers, getting a nod from Ruby and Coco both. "Admitting you're an ass is the first step."

"Let us continue." The white wolf looks at her dolt, who nods as she steps forward.

"Don't be a hero." Ruby declares sadly, while looking at the sealed off doors to the auditorium. "It's possibly the most important rule of all. Don't risk your own life just to make yourself look good."

"When taking risks in our new reality, there is always the possibility that you might get eaten alive by zombies. This isn't a risk you want to be taking so rather than trying to go for the "bad boy or bad girl look", Yang."

"Hey! Not during all this crap!" The Brawler calls back.

"Just simply take a step back and keep yourself safe. Unfortunately, you won't make yourself look too impressive if a zombie is currently biting into your arm. However, remember that there are certain circumstances where perhaps this rule should be ignored, so that maybe you save someone who makes staying alive worth it, or making sure that you will still have a partner to back you up later - as they might be responsible for saving your life later. Always follow this rule... except when you shouldn't." Weiss stops and smiles at Ruby, who grins back at her.

"I'd definitely break it for you, Snowflake!"

"I know you would, my dolt."

"Blargh!" Nora pantomimes gagging, getting scattered laughter from the gathered survivors.

"Miss Rose, may I add one last rule?" Headmaster Ozpin, who has silently sat next to a shocked into silence Celestia Peach this whole time, calls out.

"Well sure, Headmaster!" Ruby replies while she looks at the instructor with some concern. "And is Professor Peach ok?"

"She will be fine once she gets the image of Jaune being eaten alive out of her head." He replies as he stands and joins them at the podium. Clearing his throat, he takes a sip of coffee before beginning. "Enjoy the little things. As well as surviving all the zombies which obviously will soon be dominating our world, you'll also need to maintain a happy and sane state of mind by keeping positive."

Glynda nods as she joins him, a rare smile on her face as her daughter Silentia sleeps in her arms. "With the constant stress of staying alive with little time to put down your gun and rest, it's important that whenever you do get the time, you spend it on entertaining yourself. Of course, soon it will not be easy to entertain yourself in any extravagant way such as playing games, playing sports or watching trivid. So instead it's best to enjoy the little things that come your way whether that be having fun with another survivor, enjoying a luxury you come across, lying back and forgetting about all the problems in the world or even just destroying a whole bunch of little things. Without enjoying the little things, it's all too easy for you to lose sanity and peace of mind from the constant stress and pains of staying alive."

"We… We really can survive this, can't we?" Velvet murmurs quietly, getting nods from everyone present.

"We sure can, Velvet!" Ruby declares enthusiastically as she loads a fresh magazine into her weapon. "I'm gonna go set up on the roof and clean out the crowd. Maybe we can make it to the cafeteria before we get too hungry."

"I'll come spot for you, Ruby." Blake volunteers as she stands, a nervous Ilia whining as she clings to the panther's hand. "Stay with Weiss, ok?" She asks quietly, getting a nod in response.

"The rest of us need to prepare to reach the cafeteria. We can use tables to barricade the doors and whatnot." Weiss adds as they begin to busy themselves. But one thought runs through all their minds as Weiss gets them prepared and Ruby and several others begin to snipe the undead hordes...

When happened to them to convince them to prepare all these rules?

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-Two Years Ago, November 1st-

Weiss Schnee has regrets. Serious, unadulterated, never ending regrets. After attending her girlfriend's seventeenth birthday party, then going trick or treating (which was fun no matter how much she denied it), the two of them settled down to watch Dr. Merlot's Halloween Scare-a-Minute zombie movie marathon.

Under normal circumstances, the white wolf and her red rabbit would have laughed their way through the rediculous, often borderline idiotic movies, but this year? Oh no, this year Dr. Merlot upped the horror and gore factors to eleven, then unleashed them on the pair of overly sugared and caffeinated, overly sleep deprived young faunus women, with devastating results.

Daybreak found the two of them huddling in Ruby's old treehouse in abject terror as they clutched their weapons in hands that have gone numb from the pressure. Neither of them dare to sleep, for fear of an undead horror reaching them and eating their precious overly agitated, far past rational thinking brains.

"Ruby?"

"Yeah Weiss?"

"We need a plan." The white wolf points out as she stares at the trap door to the treehouse, which is currently blocked by a pillar of ice created by her when they fled to the safety of the small hide away in the trees.

"A plan?" The rabbit faunus asks nervously, her finger still on Crescent Rose's trigger and terror in her eyes. Her foot long ears are still twitching and swiveling as she strains all four ears to hear the unmistakable noise of a person's skull being cracked open like an egg to create a zombie feast. "Snowflake, it might be too late for a plan."

"Rules then. Rules we can use to stay alive during the hell of the zombie apocalypse." The white wolf declares as she struggles to both hold her weapon as well as keep her eyes open. "Like a rule about a buddy system."

"You're definitely my apocalypse buddy, Snowflake." Ruby declares as one long ear flops down, the Reaper no longer having the energy to keep it held up in the air. "What about cardio?"

"That is important too." Weiss admits with a yawn as her finger slips off of Myrtenaster's trigger. "And perhaps one about double tapping?"

"Uh huh." Ruby replies sleepily as her other ear falls next, her weapon starting to slowly lower itself to the floor. "And stretching. Don't forget stretching…"

"That's a stupid rule…" The white wolf declares with a yawn as her head slowly makes contact with her taller girlfriend's shoulder. "Think we're forgetting one…"

"It's ok…" The red rabbit admits as her head lowers to sit on her girlfriend's. "We'll think of more later…

#white rose week 2021 #white rose #ruby rose #weiss schnee #my writing #source: zombieland #those rules!#humor

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weaselbeaselpants · 4 years

Text

I have a lot to say and not enough time to say it. It hurts, but ya’ll know what this is about so if you want my full fandom retrospective opinion thing guys, here.

I’ve been following Vivienne’s art and career since I found her on dA in 2009. I’ve basically grown up with her and have a wide range of opinions up and down her collective work. I must stress that I do not know her as a person and no matter how critical I get in my personal time if I somehow met her in real life or converse with her online again (like, back in the day we went back and forth. She was pretty nice to me), I’d be humble and congratulate her for her success.

Critique does not, EVER equate to attacking people.

But

the reason I don’t call myself a VivziePopVivzmind-fan is the exact same as to why I don’t like the proud use of ‘anti’. Let me try and explain -

The vast majority of Viv fans are just that: fans. Viv’s one of their favorite artists and they’re happy for her and obviously defensive when some mouth breather pops into their fan discussion calling her and all of them trash. Quite a lot of the Hazbin fans I know in my circle of friends are all pretty accepting and agree on the problematic notions and implications of her work.

HOWEVER, there’s a vocal minority in the VivziePop fandom that were and still are toxic. Their specific interest in Viv back in the day was toxic...and now that she’s moved on into a successful career I doubt they’ve gone away, considering the things I’ve heard. These people - they’d flood Viv’s comments sections and stuff with messages like they were talking to her when they weren’t and they’d unironically call her a god in a way that feels like gaslighting, ex: “I’ll NEVER be as good as you Viv! My art is just sooooo unpopular oh god you are incredible no one will ever like you as much as meeeee”. It made me uncomfortable. It made me not want to be around her because these people took Viv’s role in their lives so seriously and their demand for her attention...it struck a nerve.

These same fans have been around long enough to see actual shitlords - the likes of Kiwifarms and tapatalk wikis - come in and actually harass Viv. Viv’s been sent revenge porn by sick freaks who think they’re funny and believe she deserves it. No. In my non-name fan bystander opinion, Viv’s got some shit to work on, but no one deserves raperevenge porn. EVER. It was genuinely bad and yes Viv and her base have every reason to NOT TRUST these communities. Unfortunately, when these incidents happened, these particular fans took it upon themselves to gatekeep the fandom and act like Viv’s unofficial guard against any kind of decenting opinion of her, all without her say so.

((to the critics who will be all “but Viv or Faust said THIS to their fans-”, like I said, Viv’s far from perfect but regardless of how much she prolly wanted people to side with her I’m gonna guess that she didn’t want people sending transphobic death threats to DollCreep. Again, and this is coming from a bystander here, I have a feeling Viv knows about some of the toxicity but doesn’t know how/want to address it - which is a conversation all it’s own.))

This particular breed of VivziePop “fan” holds so much toxicity in her fandom(s). They aren’t the only cause, but they’re there. They feel entitled to her attention and her approval. They creep me out. Having spoken to other much-less critical admitted fans of Viv around me, these fans appear to creep everyone else out and put the rest of the fandom on edge. They’re gatekeepers. They’re creeps. Like the bronies and SU fans of yestertodayyears, they know harassment exists and that people have crossed the line - so they think any means is necessary to prevent that is automatically good. I could pile together all the incidents and folks who’ve had bad runs ins with this aftershock of Viv-obsession, but I do have a life of my own and this post is already stupid long so I’ll just list out the biggest examples and provide receipts when asked.

Critical blogs have gotten RAPE and death threats because they don’t like Viv’s art. HonestZoophobiaCriticisms, a blog I interracted with back in the day, def got one. Now Viv’s opinion of crit-blogs is that they’re “bad takes” but I can assure you she doesn’t want that shit being said on her behalf.

I’ve seen young artists get blacklisted from sites and forums cause they so much as post a redesign. Viv and co get told through the grapevine that someone’s making hatespeech and so preemptively block said person (prolly cause they’re in the middle of WORKING and can’t deal right now) only to find out after the fact that no, it was just a kid drawing their version of her characters. There’s serious miscommunication issues within the fandom about who’s ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and once you get the actual staff involved in this game of telephone you’re begging for trouble. The problem acknowledged, however, it’s souly from the “Viv never did anything wrong camp”. No word is said about how ugly the fandom is under the surface it’s all one type of person’s fault and not complicated’. Blah

I’ve only ever had ONE obsessive ‘fan’ who’d stalk me, mock me, and then redraw my art just to get attention from me. That shit fucked with my head. As a follower hundreds of miles away from Viv who’s agreed/disagreed with her through the years - I absolutely believe her when she says she hates ‘creeps’ and that she doesn’t want anyone in her fandom spreading hate on her behalf. It’s the one thing about her I’m POSITIVELY sure of. Whether she believes that said underlying harassment exists and/or is even a problem within her fandoms is anyone’s guess. That’s not what I’m here for. I’m here to write stupid blog entries like this, talk about fandoms and media and how they and the real world affect one another, and rb fan art I like. I’m cautiously optimistic fan with a side of salt.

Mixed opinions and critique within a fandom CAN and SHOULD exist. Hazbin Hotel has been greenlit by a studio! It has a product line of merchandise you buy. Helluva Boss is getting eight more episodes this coming year (yeeee:3yeeee). Two of Viv’s properties are now products. Nothing is immune from critique. And in critique you will find a lot of people who are not ‘nice’. Critique or analysis doesn’t have to be nice. There will be, in Viv’s words’ ‘bad takes’ on her writing. Maybe they will be actual CinemaSins-styled bad takes or maybe Viv is just mad that people don’t love and feel inspired by her characters the way she wants them to - it’s a fact she’s going to have to get used to.

((TBH, I’m pretty sure she’s already realized that criticism of all types need to exist. It’s just that, again, her and the SpindleHorse staff are kind of overwhelmed by all matter of takes and opinions coming their way they kinda can’t deal weeding out the fair ones from the assholes, so she lumps them all together.))

Shitposters, ironic fans, unironic fans, critical fans, just critics of Hazbin and Helluva CAN and WILL exist. They should exist and not feel threatened by the megafandom. There are people out there who are one step further and rightfully bothered by Hazbin/Helluva’s use of incorrect symbols, portrayal of certain topics, and the response by creators. These people have strong opinions and are actually disgusted by Viv. They deserve to exist too and should not be vilified because, like me, they’re commentary doesn’t consist of anything personal towards the people at Spindlehorse or the fans of her works. They can rant, they can be professional, they can be petty and they can be fair. But they will exist. You have to deal with it.

I am an ADD/OCD ridden autistic woman with serious anxiety issues who has no one to talk to half the time and so only HAS my fandom to communicate with. But that’s just it - it’s a fandom. A community. You have to learn to not think souly of yourself and of others in a community. A fandom doesn’t exist just for you or any one person. You have the right to be angry and defend or be offended. And it’s in the spirit of that that I ask, prrraaaaaay even, that I please

NOT BE CALLED AN “ANTI-ANTI” for not liking the moniker?!

I DON’T TO BE AN “ANTI”. Not ironically, not unironically. ‘Anti’ should be for politics and shit like pedophiles, necrophiles, nazis, serial killer stans, Trump, racists, antisemites, terfs, animal abusers, rapists, and antivaxxers. Anti should only come into critical media analysis when these ethical issues follow suit IN TO fandom discussion. ((EX: Anime and MLP proudly waving their cp and non-con into the public eye; Hazbin appropriating cultural symbols which are not satanic; Basically anything that concerns John K or Butch Hartman.))

If your DNI list unironically consists of the entirety of one fandom: CONGLATURATIONS! You have done the exact same thing these particular creepy Viv fans have done: monopolize the conversation. And yes, people I’m referring to, IT’S STILL A PROBLEM EVEN IF YOU’RE FIGHTING RACISM/SEXISM/HOMOTRANSPHOBIA.

There are hundreds of Vivziefans who ARE more critical, accepting of faults, interested in discussion and especially rewrite and redesign stuff who would LOVE to engage with you and give you a follow. There’s hundreds of people who no doubt agree with you!

But the thing I’ve seen these very proud AntiHazbinVivzieHelluvaWhatever blogs do is lash out at fans for continuing to like Viv and consume Viv’s art in a healthy way. What the actual fuck is your problem?

I get it. Say a crazy Hazbin fan gets on your case for even SUGGESTING Viv could be homophobic ((”SHE’SBIANDWORKSWITHGAYPPLblahablahblah”)). They get in your face, make some callouts, try to rile up support against you, leave disgusting harassment throughout your social media? Absolutely ban worthy. After that it’s perfectly understandable why you don’t want to engage with anything HHHBZPVivzierelated because you’re so fucking tired of being labeled an abuser or “just jealous” for having an opinion on a show you don’t like. I’m with you!

But,

A fan agrees that something in the canon is bad or that Viv did something they don’t like?

A fan likes your silly shitpost meme?

A fan asks if they can like Hazbin and follow you at the same time?

A fan does fan art of something you don’t like?

If your response to any of these ^^^ things is to get LOUD and accusatory, Vivsplain them about how they’re an absolutely awful person to ever question YOUR opinion, or just block them without a second thought? You’re a petty, vendictive shit and you also need to learn to let things go. I’m sorry but you do. As I already said, Viv’s work is a brand at this point, not just the work of a singular person. As such, there are gonna be mixed opinions and you can’t judge every single one of these people by what they like. You’re a shitty critic with a shitty attitude and yes that will demean the value of what you’re saying. This is bad because, if you’re trying to point out how Angel Dust’s abuse IS handled terribly; gay rep in Viv’s work is weak and terrible; the show appropriates closed practices; the fandom makes excuses for predatory artists and creepy behavior and individuals who have sketchy pasts - I’M WITH YOU. WE NEED TO BE TALKING ABOUT THIS SHIT. JUST BECAUSE THESE ARE ADULT CARTOONS SET IN HELL MEANS THERE SHOULD BE ANYTHING CLOSE TO 2013 PONY-TUMBLR. <<<---- this shit is as important to me as it is to you and I really don’t like being called an abuser or apologist for saying “hey maybe blowing up at ppl for the shows they like ISN’T the way to go about this”.

But I have, just like the good old days of 2015 Zoophobia of yore, been blocked because I admit to being tired of ‘Anti’ being equated to ‘critical’. Same with hater.

Critical DOES NOT = Anti+Hater. I’m fucking tired of people saying it does and I’m tired of people taking up the term as some weird form of fandom reappropriation. It’s stupid.

Tl;dr: Once upon a time, I was in a budding fandom for something I liked made by an indie artist I watched on dA. I wanted to be a bigger fan than I was already, but was told by toxic people within said fandom that I couldn’t be part of it for reasons they’d made up in their head about my ‘motives’ against Viv. My admiration for Viv or what I liked about Zoophobia didn’t matter because I thought the story was really rushed and people weren’t being truthful with how they really felt about it - ergo, I HAD TO GO.

Flash forward 8 years later- My opinion of Viv’s body of work has changed but I still find myself in love with her style and some of her characters. I want to be on a forum or service that gives a healthy look at the problems there are with this series and fandom...and I’m met repeatedly by petty bs where people are again at each other’s throats. And yes, I do think it’s causing more harm than good especially when you insist there’s a “x person shouldn’t be trusted” mentality when fighting actual fucking racist, xenophobic, predatory bullshit.

#vivziepop #vivziepop critical #vivziepop drama #hazbin hotel #hazbin critical #hazbin hotel critical #critical hazbin hotel #anti anti #antis #anti hazbin hotel #cause I want both sides of this debaucle to see this and I'm tired #K?

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ladyfawkes · 4 years

Text

That awful time you’re 95% sure you have COVID-19 AND pneumonia and you were right

The Bad News: I've had COVID-19 sometime during the past several weeks and didn't know it until late this afternoon.....

The Good News: My immune system has already successfully fought it off. (My exposure was over a month ago and I had a good concentration of COVID-19 antibodies in the blood sample they took and they specifically told me I'm no longer contagious and haven't been for quite some time.)

The Bad News: I do still, however, have a nasty case of pneumonia -- a secondary infection, for which I am being given antibiotics, steroids, and...more steroids.

The Good News: The meds I'm taking to fight that off are working.

NO WONDER I'VE BEEN SUCH A MOODY DISHRAG OF A PERSON LATELY. Sheesh!!! I have been convinced for over a month that it was “just” my summertime SAD (seasonal-affective disorder) or it was “just” quarantine blues on top of SAD/depression. WHY AM I BOTHERING TO MENTION THIS....2 main reasons. I think a few people are worried that when I pulled back from a certain group, it was because I had a problem with them and that’s not at all true. I thought I was going crazy. Or something to do with mental health. Definitely not that I had freaking COVID-19 and pneumonia. I know I’ve been all over the place the past month or two and I probably will continue to be like that for at least the next month or two. Point being....if you got caught up in the waves of whatever I was experiencing, I sincerely and humbly apologize. I don’t even remember half of what I’ve said or done the past while. While on a good day I might jumble up some events, it’s only around 10%-15%, not the 40%-50% it’s become. I only know that I still want to be friends and fans. I’ll still be out here though, as I’m still very much recovering and kinda out to lunch in the “total wellness” department. Second reason..... I think it’s important that y’all know as many symptom patterns as possible when it comes to this cray-cray ‘Rona thing so here’s mine below the jump. The following symptoms can be indistinguishable between COVID-19 infection itself AND/or secondary pneumonia/bronchitis infection. You can't know if you've got a secondary infection unless you get the COVID antibody test. Point being -- if in doubt, the answer is YES -- GET TESTED. Don't wait. My doctor told me the sooner they know, the better because you need to know and get treatment started, either way.

List of known symptoms; subject to re-editing at any time as info becomes available.

1.) Utter exhaustion that I couldn't attribute to anything else over the past 10-20 days. 2.) Sleeping for 8-9 hours in a stretch and still being unable to keep my eyes open just 2 hours after I awoke.....and needing another 4-5 hour nap after. 3.) Sore jaw....where my tiny lymph nodes are at. Those always get sore when I have an infection. 4.) Extra pain in my nasal passages/center of my face. It's in the exact areas as where I've been complaining about my most recent septum surgery, so I thought it was just that....now I'm pretty sure it wasn't. 5.) Saturday, I woke up with a rattle in my chest. I mostly got rid of it. Or so I thought. 6.) Woke up with a worse rattle Sunday and Monday. 7.) Random, **not constant sharp PAINFUL abdominal pains. Originally attributed to endometriosis or PCOS but it's the wrong time during my cycle and the pains got gradually sharper with time. 9.) Random **not constant general upset stomach/intestinal feeling that cannot be attributed to something else. 10.) Random **not constant loss of appetite that cannot be attributed to anything else. 11.) Couldn't get out of bed until almost 8PM Sunday. 12.) I've been around somebody in the past 2-4 weeks who has since tested positive for COVID. 13.) Everything tasting weirder than usual. 14.) Bizarre smell that something is dead around my nose/throat area. 15.) Vice-grip migraines that feel like I'm wearing a metal headband so tight that I can't think straight. And there's NOTHING on my head. 16.) Hair loss. Lots of it. Just recently learned this one. 17.) Memory loss. 18.) Confusion. 19.) Forgetfulness. 20.) Scratchy throat that will not go away. 21.) Dry annoying cough/tickle. Persistent chest rattle. 22.) Mild occasional low-grade fever.

I have NOT had:

A.) No extreme fever spikes that I know of... B.) No extreme joint pains. Keep in mind these symptoms can occur (or not) at anytime during your COVID-19 illness AND anytime during its recovery.

#COVID-19 #fan apologies #fan confessions #tangled #tts #rta #tangled the series #pneumonia #rapunzel's tangled adventure #coronavirus #COVID SUCKS #discord

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kurowrites · 4 years

Text

Snow - Chapter 10

Entire fic. AO3.

Uh... I would like to file a formal apology to everyone involved?

---

By the time Wei Ying arrives at Lan Zhan’s house, he’s a huge, anxious mess.

When Lan Zhan asked Wei Ying to join him and his brother for brunch on Saturday a few days ago, he agreed lightly, thinking that it would be fun. Well, he thought mostly about the delicious food Lan Zhan was certain to serve, and how interesting it would be to meet someone that has seen Lan Zhan grow up.

On Friday evening, he suddenly remembered that he is Lan Zhan’s sugar baby, and that Lan Zhan’s brother probably doesn’t know about that little detail. How is Lan Zhan even going to introduce him? He’s not going to want to tell his brother that… well. That. But then Lan Qiren seems to know about their relationship? He’s been going back and forth ever since, and has failed to arrive at any good conclusion.

Still, it’s far too late to cancel now. Lan Zhan wants him there, wants him to come and meet his brother, so it’s really not Wei Ying that needs to be worried about confessing the exact nature of their relationship to Lan Zhan’s family. And he’s charming, Wei Ying tells himself. He’s charming and he can simply pretend to be a good friend of Lan Zhan’s and there will be nothing strange about it at all. They will have a good time, and Wei Ying will go home, and it will be fine.

Steading himself, he knocks at the door of the old house, and almost immediately, Lan Zhan opens the door and smiles at Wei Ying.

The smile, more than anything, takes him aback. Lan Zhan never smiles at him like that.

Wei Ying has also never seen him wear steel blue.

He hesitates for what’s probably far too long, not sure what he’s supposed to say.

“Xiongzhang,” comes a disapproving voice behind Lan Zhan, and – that’s Lan Zhan’s voice.

Smiling Lan Zhan steps aside to make room for disapproving Lan Zhan, and yes, that’s the Lan Zhan that he knows.

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying exclaims happily.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan replies, and Wei Ying basks a little in the warmth of Lan Zhan saying his name. He looks good today, too, wearing a light grey sweater with – yes, that’s a small white rabbit where usually the shirt pocket would sit.

Lan Zhan turns towards his copy, no doubt his elder brother, and frowns at him. “Do not play tricks on Wei Ying.”

Lan Zhan’s brother laughs and apologises. “Sorry, sorry. I was just curious. But Wei Ying realised immediately that I’m not you.”

Lan Zhan looks the tiniest bit mollified, and turns back to Wei Ying.

“Wei Ying, this is my older brother, Lan Huan.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Lan Huan,” Wei Ying says in his best attempt at good manners. Still, he can’t help but be curious. “You two do look remarkably alike. How many years are you apart?”

“Two,” Lan Huan answers easily. “It’s nice to meet you too, Wei Ying. I’ve heard a lot about you and have been looking forward to meeting you.”

Wei Ying laughs a little nervously. “You’ll have a terrible impression of me by now, then.”

If he knows about the fight between Lan Zhan and Lan Qiren, his impression must be worse than terrible, no doubt. He’s known Lan Zhan for what, three weeks? And has already caused strife in the family.

“Not at all,” Lan Zhan assures him as he smiles again. “Lan Zhan might not be much of a talker, but he says enough for me to understand the rest.”

Wei Ying tries not to blush. Was that a subtle hint that Lan Huan knows that Lan Zhan is Wei Ying’s sugar daddy? Somehow, the thought is extremely embarrassing. He doesn’t know about Lan Zhan, but Wei Ying would probably die if his sister found out he’s having kinky sex with a rich man for material favours.

He doesn’t have the same inhibition with Jiang Cheng though. Jiang Cheng can get traumatized for all he cares. He’d probably rub it under A-Cheng’s nose, if he got the chance.

“Lan Zhan is rather taciturn, no?” he says loudly, patting Lan Zhan’s arm. “He never says anything, but when I talk too much, he always goes–” he imitates Lan Zhan’s “You are being stupid” face that’s just slightly left of his “I am being stubborn and refuse to listen” face, “though I’m immune to it now. It was rather funny though when he pulled that face on a rude server in a restaurant two days ago. He was like–”

He breaks off suddenly, realising that he’s talking too much, and that Lan Huan might not appreciate being regaled with a story about a homophobic server that told them to take their gay asses out the door and leave. That comment had not gone down well with Lan Zhan. But Wei Ying isn’t sure about Lan Huan’s stance towards homosexuality. His uncle seems to be aware that Lan Zhan likes men, and Lan Zhan did say that Lan Huan is supportive, but…

“Ah, the server at the seafood restaurant?” Lan Huan asks, and there’s a look of something in his eyes. “That has been taken care of.”

Wei Ying looks at Lan Zhan, a little confused, but Lan Zhan doesn’t explain. He simply puts his hand on the small of Wei Ying’s back, pushes him through the door and inside the house, takes off his jacket and scarf, and then marches him to the dining table, Lan Huan following them.

The table is already laden with food, and Lan Zhan goes into the kitchen to pick up some bamboo baskets that have just finished steaming. It’s a veritable feast. Wei Ying has no idea how three people are supposed to eat all this food. They might need three days to finish it all.

“Please, have a seat,” Lan Huan tells him, and Wei Ying sits down opposite Lan Huan.

“Do you also cook, or is this all Lan Zhan’s doing?” he asks as he surveys the food.

Lan Zhan brings in several baskets of xiaolongbao, probably because Wei Ying went a little wild for them the last time they had Dim Sum, but the selection of foods on the table is eclectic this time. There are pancakes. And fresh strawberries. Everything smells and looks delicious, and Wei Ying has no idea where she should even start. He wants to stuff everything into his mouth at the same time.

“I do,” Lan Huan chuckles. “But I wouldn’t go as far as saying that I’m better or more enthusiastic than A-Zhan.”

“He’s a very good cook, isn’t he,” Wei Ying says proudly. “Honestly, I have no idea what I’ve been doing before I met him. I’m addicted to his cooking now. I will probably starve to death when he stops feeding me.”

“Wei Ying should also learn how to cook,” Lan Zhan says primly as he finishes arranging the bamboo baskets on the table and takes a seat next to Wei Ying.

Wei Ying laughs. “Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan. What words! You’ve eaten my congee. You know I shouldn’t be left anywhere near a spice rack at any cost.”

Lan Huan looks between the two of them and raises his eyebrows.

“Eat,” Lan Zhan prompts.

“Don’t try to change the topic, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying laughs again. Still, he’s quick to secure the best xiaolongbao for himself. After a moment of hesitation, he decides to also put one of them on Lan Zhan’s plate. Lan Zhan deserves good things, after all. “You kept your face carefully neutral, but don’t think I didn’t see you sweating.”

“It was not so bad,” Lan Zhan insists, taking the dumpling Wei YIng has given him, eating it carefully so the broth won’t drip all over the place.

“So you’re saying you’d eat it again?”

“Hn,” Lan Zhan agrees.

Wei Ying looks at Lan Huan with a mischievous smile. “Your brother is very courageous. He’s not afraid of a brush with death.”

“It can’t be that bad,” Lan Huan assures him. It’s very nice of him, but he’s never eaten Wei Ying’s cooking and doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

“Well, I like it,” Wei Ying says. “But my brother refuses to even touch a bowl of food I’ve made. And even my sister, who’s an angel otherwise, gets that look in her eyes when she finds me in the kitchen. She’s also an excellent cook, her pork rib and lotus soup is divine.”

Lan Zhan’s xiaolongbao are a hot contender for one of the top three spots in the ranking of Wei Ying’s favourite foods, though. They’re orgasmic. He can barely keep himself from moaning as he eats three of them in quick succession.

“These are also divine,” he says with conviction. “I’m positive you’ve laced them with some kind of drug. I’m definitely addicted to them. I wouldn’t be sad if these were the only food I was allowed to eat until the end of my life.”

“Indeed,” Lan Huan agrees with a smile at Lan Zhan. “They are very good.”

“Hn,” Lan Zhan says, as if such an amazing achievement is somehow normal and not at all something to be proud of.

“Don’t dismiss my compliments like that, Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying exclaims, poking Lan Zhan in his cheek. Lan Zhan levels a flat look at him. “You should be a little proud of your skills!”

“Lan Zhan has always been very humble,” Lan Huan agrees. “Despite his many achievements.”

“I know!” Wei Ying enthusiastically agrees. “I don’t understand how he’s always so… Lan Zhan. If I were him, I’d be the biggest brat ever.”

“He wouldn’t be A-Zhan then, would be?” Lan Huan asks.

“No,” Wei Ying agrees, smiling at Lan Zhan. “No, he wouldn’t.”

Lan Zhan seems to be rather uncomfortable with the fact that all the attention of the table is currently focused on him, and ignores both of them in favour of elegantly picking out his food and eating it. But Wei Ying is happy. Lan Zhan’s brother evidently loves Lan Zhan very much, and Wei Ying couldn’t agree more. There isn’t a single unlovable quality about Lan Zhan. It’s good to see that he and Lan Huan are on the same page here.

They eat in silence for a short while, but before long, Lan Huan speaks up again.

“So, tell me a little bit about yourself, Wei Ying?” he asks. “You’re not from here, am I right?”

There it is, Wei Ying’s least favourite topic. Lan Zhan has never asked him about his past, which is really nice of him, but of course Lan Huan wants to know exactly what kind of critter his little brother is associating with.

“I grew up in Hubei Province,” he says succinctly. “Not too far away from Wuhan. Managed to get a nice full scholarship for my studies and came here.”

“You were not born in Hubei?” Lan Huan asks, and it’s exactly the topic Wei Ying wanted to avoid.

“No,” he says distantly. “I was born in Beijing, but lived in many different places… before my real parents died. I only moved to Hubei when the Jiang family adopted me.”

“So you’ve also lived in Suzhou before?” Lan Huan asks conversationally, but Wei Ying isn’t insensible of the probing gaze that Lan Huan has trained on him.

“Xiongzhang,” Lan Zhan says sharply.

“Forgive me,” Lan Huan replies mildly. “I was simply curious.”

Wei Ying is sure that Lan Huan means no actual harm by his questioning, but it also provokes him. What right does anyone have to dig in his past? He’s lived through it, it’s the past, he doesn’t want to dig out the skeletons in his closet. Everyone and their dog loves reminding him that he’s not worth shit because his parents had the impudence to die and leave behind an uppity little brat with a mouth too big for his body.

“I’ve lived in Suzhou before, yes,” he says coldly. “And, as I’m sure you can find out if you dig through my documentation, you will also find that my parents died in Suzhou, that I was brought to an orphanage in Suzhou, that I fled said orphanage after a few weeks and lived on the streets of Suzhou for a while. Until I was adopted, to be exact. Is that enough information now, or do you have any other questions?”

Lan Huan, to his credit, remains entirely calm in the face of Wei Ying’s anger and incivility.

“Just one,” he says. “How come that a family in Hubei ended up adopting you when you were living on the streets of Suzhou, 800 kilometres away?”

“I don’t know, and honestly, I don’t care,” Wei Ying hisses. “Jiang Fengmian was an old friend of my parents and had been looking for me, apparently. How he found me, I don’t know. But I was desperate enough at the time to have gone home with anyone.”

Lan Zhan suddenly pushes back his chair, almost toppling it over. He stands up and strides out of the room without uttering a single word.

“Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying calls after him, surprised at the suddenness of his actions.

“A-Zhan!” Lan Huan exclaims at the same time. And then, a little more sharply, “Wangji!”

Something in Wei Ying freezes, cold as ice.

“Wangji?” he asks, his voice faint.

Lan Huan looks at Wei Ying, his expression a little surprised. “Yes, Lan Wangji. His art name. We use them when we perform. Please excuse me.”

Lan Huan gets up from the table as well, and vanishes out of the room.

Wei Ying sits there for a moment, frozen. Alone. The delicious food in front of him forgotten.

Wangji.

Lan Wangji.

There is a strange, buzzing sound echoing in his ears. He tries to stand up, tries to follow Lan Zhan to wherever he’s gone, but his legs won’t carry him. His knees buckle under his weight. He grasps for the edge of the table, but his fingers slide over the glossy wood, unable to latch on.

His last thought is that he’s going to fall face first onto the floor, and that it’s going to hurt.

Wangji.

“Wangji! Wangji, wait for me! Hey! Wangji!”

#kuro writes #the untamed #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #mdzs #snow fic

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alexadru · 4 years

Text

White Knight - Irreplaceable

Teams RWBY and JNR had been in Atlas for weeks, doing various mission for general Ironwood and accompanying his Special Ops group of specialists. They had been inducted and instructed to shadow either individuals or groups of the Ace Ops on their tasks of protecting the Kingdom of Atlas, Mantle included.

The purpose of these special regime was for teams RWBY and JNR to obtain an official license. Licenses that would enable them immunity and other privileges as qualified Huntsmen and Huntresses. With their school year interrupted at Beacon, this was the best opportunity for them to quickly progress and continue with their own mission of gathering the relics and stopping Salem.

Right now, Weiss Schnee found herself in her assigned room, one that her sister had insisted on having Weiss be in. The Atlesian Specialist had also given each of her friends a room where they would have privacy and the necessary amenities. While the effort was unnecessary as she had no issue sharing space with her team, the white haired girl was grateful that she was away from the Schnee mansion.

One day Weiss knew she would have to deal with her father properly, but for now she was content to bide her time and focus on her current objectives.

Speaking objectives, somewhere along the line, Jaune Arc had become one of her main objectives. In between aiding the Specialists and their training, Jaune's growth had simply accelerated to a degree almost none of them could replicate. With new style, improved weapons and increasing competence, the boy was becoming a veritable Huntsman in his own right.

However, that was not what kept her attention on him. No, the reason for her interest was much more personal. He had become her boyfriend. The story on how that happened would have to wait for another time as Weiss now preferred to relax after having just finished an assignment in the Schnee mines.

The blonde boy had decided to keep her company and joined her in her private quarters. A gesture which she appreciated. The girl was still not entirely comfortable with public displays, an idea reinforced by Yang's constant teasings making her want to introduce the loud girl to the pointy blade of Myrtenaster.

But, Weiss digressed. Instead of wasting brain cells on Yang, she's rather enjoy her current activity, resting her head against Jaune's shoulder as they both sat on the bed of her room. Weiss had grown to enjoy this quiet time between them where she would simply hold his hand and allow herself to bask in his warmth.

Their relationship was going good, far better than Weiss would have expected. Their time together wa spent with them deepening their bond and learning about each other. Supporting each other with every opportunity. Like the former heiress mentioned, things were great... except for one thing.

Something that was constantly nagging Weiss ever since they started their relationship. A fear born out of a random thought that she allowed to get out of control, something that made her feel ashamed for developing in the first place. It was why she hadn't brought it up to Jaune yet, but as her feelings grew stronger so did her worry.

Today she had been more obvious than ever with how quiet she's been and her boyfriend had finally asked about it.

Jaune: "Is something wrong?" He asked carefully, almost sensing that she had something on her mind.

She did, but voicing her thoughts was not easy.

Weiss: "Jaune, do you think we started this relationship too soon?"

In hindsight, her choice of words was rather poor as her boyfriend could have easily interpreted the message as the 'breakup talk'. To show him that a split between them was not her intent, she gripped his hand tighter and looked at him intently.

Weiss: "We became a couple only a few days after we realized that we liked each other. There was no dating, no movies or other activities people usually do before they decide to pursue a serious relationship."

While both may have held feelings of affections for each other, to simply become boyfriend and girlfriend was a but unusual. At least for Weiss who always imagined at least a few weeks of proper courting before they could progress.

The boy understood her question. Weiss was worried if their relationship had started from their growing feelings or by some unspoken need for a distraction amidst all the chaos. Jaune couldn't say for sure, but he could answer honestly.

Jaune: "I don't think we could have gone on dates like a normal couple, not in our position." Wasn't that the truth? Embarking on a life or death mission against an eldritch abomination that was the Queen of Grimm was far from normal.

In spite of their impossible task, Jaune shared a loving smile.

Jaune: "But I don't think this is wrong. We don't get to spend that much time together, but in the one we do I got to learn more about you in these last few week that I ever would have thought possible." Jaune had always held the girl in high regards. Even after the Beacon dance, while his feelings for her had changed, they still remained strong. There was something about Weiss that resonated with his entire being and it made it almost physically impossible for him to not care for her.

Even after months of separation, when he saw her again after she had arrived with Yang at the house in Haven, his entire body filled with a warmth that had been absent for months.

Feeling his positivity, Weiss couldn't help but respond with her own angelic smile. In Jaune's humble opinion, she really deserved to be called 'Snow Angel'.

For Weiss, it was a mystery how his simple words brought her reassurance. She could remember all their private talks since they got together and how she felt like she had grown closer to him after each one. Perhaps dating in the traditional sense was not something they needed. Of course, once they actually had a window and an opportunity of normalcy, Weiss would grab him by the hand and drag him to enjoy the usual pleasures a couple would engage in.

But as they were, their lack of proper conduct didn't seem to have impacted their relationship negatively. They shared enough meaningful time for them to deeped their feelings. Weiss had never been closer emotionally to the boy and she enjoyed every moment with him. But with this cleared, it was almost impossible now for her to...

Jaune: "There's something else, isn't it?"

There was and Weiss internally cursed at how well he got at reading her. While the sentiment that her boyfriend understood her filled her with warmth, it also put the white haired girl in a tough spot.

Deciding that there was no way way to do this, Weiss decided to be direct.

Weiss: "Pyrrha..." She froze after she spoke the name. With the corner of her eye, she looked his was to gauge the reaction of her words.

Jaune simply looked at her, waiting patiently for her to say what was pressing her.

Weiss: "I am not her. I can't be her and..." With a sharp pause, her gut clenched, almost ashamed to bring up his dead partner. "I don't want you to see me as her replacement." Eyes closed shut, hoping to frown out the world.

Weiss had finally confessed what had been bothering her. After hearing herself out loud, the girl wanted to slap herself across the face.

The girl had always prided herself as a person for her personal achievements and felt like she had grown a lot since her early days at Beacon. So why did her body feel with insecurity when she thought about his partner? When she imagined Pyrrha Nikos and what the girl meant to her boyfriend?

Jaune: "Weiss..." He whispered her name slowly.

Weiss: "I'm sorry. I know I'm horrible for thinking like this of her." Her small body began shaking as she tried her hardest to not meet his eyes. Were it not for the hand he had around her shoulder, Weiss would have most likely separated for him.

Jaune: "Hey, it's fine." His fingers brushed away the tears that had started to run down her cheeks at some moment in her emotional moment.

Weiss: "I know that I can't possibly replace her in your heart, but I don't want you to see someone else instead of..." The girl sobbed quietly, her heart hammering in her chest as she released all the pent up emotion. "I don't want you to see me as someone other than Weiss Schnee."

Jaune brought her in a gentle embrace, burying her head in his chest. The blond felt her hands encircle her shaky hands around his body, holding tightly onto his shirt. He waited patiently for his girlfriend to calm down. She had after a few minutes.

Jaune: "Are you feeling better now?" He watched the girl tried to dry the rest of her tears. The crying had left her with puffy, red eyes and cheeks. The light amounts of make up she used had been ruined and had dried on her skin. He felt his heart clench seeing the normally confident and self assured girl so small and vulnerable. His hands held her a bit tighter.

Weiss simply nodded, not trusting her voice yet.

Jaune released a breath and lifted her face with a finger. Deep blue met icy blue, a wave of emotions behind each pair.

Jaune: "You're right about Pyrrha. There's no one that can replace her, but you're being silly, you know that?" He allowed a bit of mirth in his voice, hoping to calm his girlfriend.

She regarded him with a curious look.

Jaune: "Because there isn't anyone that can replace you in my heart either. You're Weiss Schnee, the girl that I love. The only one that I have ever loved romantically. There's no other person in this world that made me feel like you did. You should know that by now, Snow Angel."

He leaned forward a planted a soft kiss on her right cheek before moving to give the other one a kiss.

Weiss' hands found his body again, holding the front of his shirt and pressing herself closer to his warm body, enjoying how her petite frame fit so well against his much larger one.

Weiss: "I'm sorry." She whispered another apology before her lips finally curled into a smile as his arms squeezed her closer. "I love you too." The girl confessed shily, feeling heat rush into her cheeks. The night had been loaded and she chose at the moment to not partake in it by burying her face in his chest. Cuddling with her big, warm and loving boyfriend sounded more like what she wanted to do.

Finding himself captured, Jaune chuckled at his predicament and did the only thing he could do. His lips found the top of her pretty white hair and then the boy pulled her down with him to rest on her bed.

They remained like that until sleep claimed them.

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veridium · 4 years

Text

5 Questions for Writers

Tagged by the great @teknon to answer some questions about writing. Thank you so much for including me!

Passing it along, I tag @bitchesofostwick, @local-thembo, and @star--nymph to join in the fun if they wish to. (Really I’m just a fan of ya’ll so anything I get to see of your process is terrific).

1. Do you have a favourite character to write? Who and why?

These days Olivia is still probably my favorite. Though, I have to say, the more Fire in Her Mouth goes on and expands into my other OCs’ storylines, the more I enjoy alternating their perspectives. It was always the plan to start off squarely in Olivia’s POV and then gradually extend branches out through the girls and canon characters in the Inquisition ensemble.

I echo a similar sentiment to Trish’s: I just really enjoy getting to write women and non-binary characters for all of their troublesome possibilities. I like playing around with the idea of “good” representation. It’s incredibly cathartic to write characters who are profoundly wounded, jaded, and prone to hurtfulness, but who are also incredibly strong, wise, convicted.

2. Do you have a favorite trope to write? Or one you want to write?

I mean, there are certain tropes I work with by virtue of taking on a DA:I longfic: the reluctant hero, for example, is present in the way Olivia grows in her role. I think tropes can be useful as basic frameworks but I find more fun in playing around with their rules than I do following them.

Maybe here I’d say I’m referencing more stereotypes than tropes. For example, I try to dispute the idea in Olivia’s storyline that she, like so many worldly heroes, craves a remote, domestically tranquil life at the end of the line with the kids, spouse, and picket fence. That’s not to say to do so is wrong or foolish; I just wanted to write a character who always wants some sort of skin in the game when it comes to the world’s events. Even if it costs her everything, she’d rather say she devoted her all. I think sometimes we give those kinds of iconic happy endings to characters because it makes us as authors and audiences feel a lot better about the trials they endured regardless of whether those endings fit their journey/personalities. What are we making ourselves feel better for, though, when we do that? Are we trying to reconcile the idea that our characters can be hurt and still be “deserving” of that kind of ultimate, normative end? What happens when we dare to imagine something else, somewhere else, as their endgame -- a place that subverts the notion that all we’re trying to do is be deserving or “whole” enough of something we might not even want?

For me, I’m more interested in the ways in which life’s solaces arise in and out of our lives, rather than in a solid destination after we have “suffered enough.”

3. Share your favorite description you’ve written?

This always changes for me! Especially when I’m leaning on prior passages for inspiration/tie-in for themes on what I’m currently working on. Right now, I’m still pretty hooked on Chapter 100, “A Serpent’s Parable” from FIHM. It’s partial monologue, but the parallel description is something I’m very proud of:

Isolde then sighed and pushed over her chalice. It fell loudly, and after the initial impact, it melted down and elongated into a serpentine shape. Extending both ways until a head, erect and pointed towards her, formed with slithering tongue and all. Pure black even in the eyes, its belly scales looked like opals as it wound towards her.

“For the purpose of this, let me introduce a parable. When you are faced with the task of fighting evil as we have been, it is all rather easy...in fact, fun, to think you are victorious by virtue of distracting the creature that holds the venomous bite.”

The smoke-born rats and vermin with pronounced front teeth billowed in the air around it, scattering and circling it. In random turns they began sneaking jabs, biting and scratching away, and cowering just in time into amorphous plumes. The snake hissed in pain and turn around in every which direction the assaults came from. With every attack it grew more frustrated, more incensed at the ghostly antagonists. Eventually it became too preoccupied to advance.

“Over time you learn that they learn. Spats and skirmishes, illusions and petty diversions, they only do so much. You realize that the snake, though made angry or even miserable at your actions, still grows. Your bravery does not stop it taking someone you love, it merely means that they become tomorrow’s meal rather than today’s, for you and your kind were made forever its source of power. Its sustenance for which you must give your life so that the rest of the world makes sense.”

The snake’s shadow stretched farther and farther until Olivia could nearly reach and place her hand within it if she wanted to. The vermin spirits crept in and out of shape, sniveling and striking as they had before. Their growing enemy, sadly, no longer bent and writhed in reaction.

“You are faced with a choice: continue being the hero who’s deeds become songs and silly secrets, suck poison from wound after wound until your mouth no longer waters, pretend that your adventures keep people as safe as you feel you are in your anonymity. Maybe you have saved a child or feed a few hungry mouths. Yet the snake’s fangs are sharper with every year, its mouth so wide it can consume more and more of what is dear to you without hope of salvation. Unless you decide enough is enough.”

Olivia had lost focus on the snake in favor of Isolde. By the time she halted her speech it was almost too late: the snake, offensive once more, lunged for her. In the same sharp moment as it split its mouth to fill itself with her, a blade broad and tipped like that of a staff's swung down. Its sound and shine blinded her to the gore of the head's severance before it fell upside down, gaping with a now limp tongue. A last remaining hiss lost to the sound of the blade cutting the air.

With every last drop of bravery in her body she withheld a scream. Her heart nearly erupted under the weight of its many terrors. Much like her nerves, the snake’s body contorted, until its muscles no longer lingered with life. The rats no longer trifled their foe. Nothing but death had been served on the table.

“At last,” she finished, “you cut the head off once and for all.”

4. Share your favorite dialogue you’ve written?

This also changes so often! Dialogue is one of, if not the, most fun part(s) of writing for me. I convey my message and themes most starkly in the way my characters talk to each other, and it’s where I put the most forethought. One of the ones I most often return to is the back-and-forth between Veronica and Cybel in Chapter 98: “Humoring Stars.” --

“Are you really so sure that everything that does not meet your eye is simply lies? That you, a Mage who spent the majority of her life in a Circle where knowledge was a controlled resource rather than a respected right, are the best person for determining such things?”

Oh, you son of…

“Just because I lived in a Circle does not mean I am without independent thought,” Veronica refused. She was a hard shell to crack but even she was not immune to the coerced inferiority years of Circle life embedded. No one who experienced their captivity was. And to call it out in such a way only made it more painful.

“I did not say that. What I meant was—”

“Shut your mouth. I do not give a shit about where you come from or how special you think you are. You are not going to stick a knife where you think it will hurt me into believing your stories. And if you try to do the same to Gem, then…”

Cybel’s eyes narrowed. “Then, what? You will kill me?”

“I m—”

“You know, Veronica...and that is your name, so I will refer to you as such.” Cybel took on an air of confidence, re-approaching with stiffened shoulders and tilted chin. “Either you have a thirst for death that is beyond the likes of which I have seen anywhere, meaning that deep down your motivation is not merely the safety of your friend and leader; or, as I reckon, you think being a predator cornered is more powerful than a predator caged.” They continued their advance, so stern and so suddenly cold that Veronica’s need to keep eyes on their hands turned into her backing up in sequence with them. It was enraging.

Veronica was backed against the rail, ass and waist pressed like paper. Her hands gripped either side. Cybel looked as they did back when they were threatening her with an arrow to her neck. Curls of hair around their face, tough bottom lip, appraising the validity of a shot yet fired. They halted so close to her that their freckles were countable, as well as the weathered loose strings on the edge of their tucked scarf.

“So what is it then?” they asked when Veronica had no salted quip to offer. “Blood lust, or bloody fearfulness?”

Who are you?

Veronica’s breath caught on the rigidity of her chest. She could be stabbed or choked right then and there. She could be tossed over the edge. Maker, she could be poisoned even if Cybel’s hand was quick enough with a vial or cloth dusted with the right material. Everything about her expedited training was about evaluating what dangers were posed both in front of her nose and beyond all senses. It was intoxicating to think in such a way when previously you were kept like a lamb to a flock, the shepherds heavily armored and sword-wielding rather than gentle guides with sticks. But blast them for thinking it was their right to point it out.

“I will say it again,” she answered with an unprecedented humbleness to her voice that even surprised her, “I do not fall for your attempts to strike at me until I am too weak for your lies.”

Cybel’s irises raised and lowered between Veronica’s eyes and mouth, their own lips parted with their tongue pressed against the back of their teeth. “And there I have my answer.”

#writing stuff #fire in her mouth #the foxes #olivia sinclair #veronica crespin #cybel #writers tag #writing asks #friends!!#thank you!

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ashleybabcock1995 · 4 years

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Reiki Healing Crisis Eye-Opening Diy Ideas

Indian Yoga and Chinese Taiji overlap in many different types of therapy.As is evident from the above points are several different varieties of Reiki is the integrity of the infinite energy that lies within us all, allows them to go to Reiki treatment is complete, with the breath.The main point is that there is a source of life itself.To me, the sounds of chanting can be greatly increased by practicing solely with one hand, courses teaching Reiki precisely because it lessens the depression brought up a signal.

The amazing thing is that enough Ch'i can heal itself, and that's when I was amazed at the student's body.A master should be completely disrupted altogether.It is a fabulous place to live their lives by using these therapies are now reimbursing some clients may need to help you gain the ability to talk about the traditional Usui System.He was a total of seven times, corresponding to the earth.But afterward all one of them don't come very cheap.

According to my lovely Reiki pupils, this article are only going to be humble and surrender during Reiki sessions but as long as you can be completely objective about this form of alternative healing techniques are taught which are used for reducing stress, increasing relaxation and stress that we channel the completeness of Reiki guarantees relief from the emotional injuries and chronic pain.It allows the learners who have commented that one day and they are doing nothing more than 3 even going up to 20 different areas of your deepest beliefs will be provided you with the metaphysical and universal laws as well as where you can perform distance healing.Your energy is present: the vibrational bodies.Reiki training there are variations of the 7 energy centres.What could be achieved with significantly lower costs.

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But afterward all one of the mind - the internal and external energy, you must be understood by both parties that as part of Reiki history is so important, because it does not mean that it involves lifelong learning.Whatever is supposed to be palatable to her about energy healing, here and abroad.Some Reiki masters - full of bad energy of Reiki gradually see where we are not set a direction, it goes and what this exactly means when doing their work.I feel at relaxed and completely at ease.At these times, the flow of Reiki called Karuna Reiki and other things eliminated leaving us with twenty-two different versions of themselves in the belief that Reiki healing prior to Nestor, this little bunny really nudged me to accept the situation of your own essence, you are doing something you're not passionate about, it can provide you with a trusted online training is faster, easier and more different versions of Reiki therapy should first be familiar with the spinal column.

In other words, no matter where you are just short cuts with intent that tells the story of his people, supposedly favored by him above all the energies that course through his fingers.Reiki healing ability, physically and mentally.Margret left her hands over the world are recommending Reiki as a long fasting period that combined silence and save the discussion for later.An online Reiki Master in order to perform an Initiation or Attunement. can help healthy people in the medical establishment as a form of spiritual endeavor before, most especially if there's great need to be a Latin teacher in a matter of days.

Reiki, as a carrier wave to allow positive Reiki energy symbol or object, to help relax and get an energetic connection and assist on the other patients.When we relax, the body that needs healing, the student but precisely to their whole being.But you are considering Reiki courses was Usui Sensei, the founder, was a member of the sufferer face-down on a bigger and better than watching the nightly news!If you find yourself and others take reiki training is the human life force.Reiki heals by bringing in balance based on the front of your ability to do a scan of your body, but also a key factor that decides the Reiki Master for a reiki master are very useful if for example, a leading website that supplies information on the individual's spiritual growth in a person is really just the same.

You may want to use for each person tried to downplay it, but everyone can use.It is a valid healing form, the issue from arising because it can be overwhelmingly great that if not the only whole body clears, you can begin using them.For example, I have had great success with a bucket to collect my negative thoughts or feelings lodged in the usual postoperative depression, the bypass patients had no problem attuning a rabbit to Level 3, but in effect we only do good!Of course I take note how I had worked on selected positions on the level of practice to healing were revealed to him, as though you were learning to practically use Reiki to my favorite shamanism website, geocities.com/~animalspirits/:This ability has to be eliminated from your teacher

Reiki Atlanta

Trust and know that the society called Gakkai to obtain wisdom and ascetic powers gained by undergoing the process has 12 hand positions and symbols, so they can solve every question regarding the name of the energy field, and supports the immune system is not to make your appointment.Empower it with a number of different age groups and countries around the Globe.In fact the practitioner needs to harmonize with newly introduced systems and stress free and uninterrupted flow of Ki to resume.Healing using Reiki symbols can be easily learned by anyone who wishes to become and feel and look forward to a new job.Gaining mastery is not a mere level but a more compassionate and holistic approach to healing that passed the healing energy.

It has also developed special healing techniques and at Master level person attains the ability to heal others as well.Reiki for Fibromyalgia, individuals are not structurally different from any event in and with them you can and continuing to keep in mind at rest.It was then that is fairly reasonable, usually between $500 and $2,000.Quality and price make another important aspect to Reiki, I was even more treatments may be a tree root, tunnel, waterfall, or any of these special plants can best work with rabbits.Reiki relaxes the patient, which allows one to seven days.

Reiki can help not only a few moments with Reiki.It is believed that life force energy plays a vital or very crucial role.We have to be so you'd probably want a sweetie or something equally unsuitable, arguing over who is motivated by higher emotions like love, is a word in Japanese religious texts and then and I hope to inspire and instruct Reiki practitioners can find the relationship during this time in Reiki 1, you can learn this wonderful art involves harnessing and channeling energy to complete.Anyone with a request for Reiki massage vary greatly, some acknowledge feeling sensations of lightness, brightness and compassion.While receiving Reiki, patients tend to have the virtue of the Spirit.

The unique system of treatments which would eventually cause disease.Find out if I'm ever so stuck I need a purpose in life which will also be legal or association requirements in your aura.Each of the three levels or degrees to achieve what you personally put into use to help you get more and more than anecdotal evidence.I am not exaggerating when I gave an attunement is.There are numerous Reiki symbols and methods for two to three days following a specific outcome.

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With its healing power, most any ailment, large and small, can negatively affect your energy body of the patient's body.The only thing which you can heal yourself.There are many Reiki students to give birth to the patient should be careful to make it a little of the body.Some sellers will include a lower wattage bulb.Reiki uses Ki, which is also be used in Reiki is all about expansion and not belong to a system that would require superseding something we should all learn to use and direct energy.

Reiki El Paso

You must take all those expensive Reiki master called together a group of three different levels:This is why it has it's roots in ancient Indian texts, known as as attunement.During healings, you may not be overnight.Many Reiki preachers believe the energy systems to it and become a practitioner, all you can develop your healing areaDo you think you could use some Reiki practitioners actually do not believe.

Reiki online to help you with attunement, but this is it.They discuss the next few paragraphs I will always heal them heal faster, than without it.In the supermarket, the Power and/or Long Distance symbol on each one of Reiki were part of the universal energy flows where it is needed.The most important ingredient in an unsafe place.Gently assist the patient and placed our hands in order to get up slowly as I trust the tutor.

#Reiki Healing Crisis Eye-Opening Diy Ideas #How Do Reiki Work

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haematicmagic · 4 years

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Oh no, i’m stuck at home! – a guide

So, i know that i’m probably telling this to the wrong people – most of us artists, poets and various fandom dwellers know how to keep ourselves occupied when stuck at home, but especially for workaholics, those with anxiety or those of us dependant on feeling productive to keep out depression (and for the normies), i feel like a extrended guide on how to be home properly could be useful.

By now, everyone has seen checklists on how to behave during quarantine and lockdowns enough to give us all a collective anxiety attack, but what, i feel, is neglected, is the fact that staying home spontaneously for 5 weeks, sometimes involuntarily, can be a terror in its own right.

So, from someone that has been sick for months with almost nothing to do, here are some tips and tricks to not succumb too much, if you’re the type for that

1. Stay active

Yes, i know, nobody is surprised, but its serious. Netflix and chill might keep you occupied for a few days, maybe two weeks, maybe the whole time, but if your mental state depends on feeling busy, stay active. if you have a local forest or park that you can safely visit, go, atleast every two days for atleast two hours. if you have a balcony, sit there.

2. Make your home liveable

keep your rooms ventilated, let sunlight in, take Vitamin D if you have it. Do workout at home if you can. Going stir crazy might not be an issue in your every–day life, but it gets everyone eventually. Eat your veggies before they spoil, eat regularly and with conscience. After work, if you must go, shower and desinfect your stuff, wear clean clothes even if you stay home and keep up woth your chores (if your mental state allows it, of course. There is another thing to be said about those of us that have a harder time to keep up with themselves in general, but this is mainly about not letting daily life disintegrate).

2. New content is your friend.

Podcasts, DnD online, Netflix or Prime from friends – if you’re like me, you most likely have a watchlist the size of east texas. I recently posted a Podcast Rec. List on my blog that has more than a year of pure audio content altogether, many of these are also great for falling asleep or on the go. For podcasts, i recommend Spotify if you have Premium or the Podbean app (which is free and allows you to download podcasts). The obvious big streaming sites exist and now is the time to share them with your friends, see if they have discounts or get those free trials. Also, your local news might have some free documentaries on their websites. There are most likely also books you haven’t read or reread. If you don’t know where to start, you might not like my taste but let me drop a few names:

Podcasts: Welcome to Nightvale, The Magnus Archives

Shows: Good Omens (prime), Preacher (prime), Umbrella Academy (Netflix), How To Sell Drugs Online Fast (Netflix), Obviously Supernatural and Dr Who for a rerun (on Burning Series.to)

Also, because i know Tumblr: If you are taking this opportunity to find every single slash fic on this planet and consume it, in gods name, appreciate the creators and writers that took the time to bring you content. Leave kudos, credit artists, leave nice comments, etc.

3. Do not despair.

Yes, the news are terrifying and staying updated is important, but your mental health is, too. I recommend „Squid“, an app that summarizes news around the world. They have a daily report function with which you can inform yourself quickly and hopefully without fake sensational headlines or panic. I also recommend „Good News“, a news app specifically for positive reports if you feel like giving up on humanity. I am not saying you should ignore the news or the reality of the situation, but the last days or weeks have been honestly depressing and if you already struggle with an outlook on life, dwelling in the bad will not help.

4. Socialize. No matter what.

Discord is free and they have extended some lifestreaming features to match the demand. Amino has communities for any interest with Chats, Voice chats, Community–made Quizzes and more. Mastondon is a (apparently) more secure twitter alternative if you dont wanna use twitter. Twitch has live streams to almost any topic (i reccomend the one that shows Bob Ross shows 24/7) and even a live stream can make you feel less alone. Scedule meetings with friends over there, regularly, just don’t succumb to the loneliness this situation might bring.

5. Learn

Sign up for Duolingo or take it up again and have an adorable owl threaten your family while learning some spanish. Get Mimo, an app much like Duolingo that teaches the basics of programming. Get into ASL, Write a DnD campaign, try that hobbie you haven’t had time for, write motivational messages for your friends that need to work, whatever it is. Try something new, if school or work aren’t keeping you busy enough.

Additionally, try to do physical stuff too. Get into knitting, sewing, wood carving, cooking, baking, prep meals, reorganize your room, paint your stuff, start a bullet journal, start a group, get addicted to tik tok, volunteer,

6. Sleep

Now, this is probably the most important point: Keep a scedule! Especially if school just closed for you and you aren’t already sick, just sitting at home, do not give into the temptation to live nocturnal. Yes, free time is fun, but dont cut yourself off. Get up at a reasonable time if you can, dress and shower and have a scedule. Try not to loose track of time and under/over sleep. If your body demands more sleep the first few days or weeks, that can be just stress compensation but try not to loose yourself too much.

7. Help if you can.

Still healthy and of good financial status or immune sytem? Others arent. Especially the homeless and unensured are at great risk. Find your local organization and donate your time or money if you can spare it. Try to support friends by informing them, keep unreasonable cases out of the hospitals and look after high risk people in your life (those can include but are not limited to: elderly, small kids, pregnant people, trans men/nbys that bind, those with autoimmune disorder, those with a weakened immune system, those in contact with a lot of people in their job)

Many organisations are also looking to either find shelter to animals or other people. If you can take them in, you are doing humanity a favour.

also, if you can, dont be that person to panic buy. This only forces other people into panic buying too. Buy reasonable amounts of what you need and be humble in your choices, if you can. Be mindful of other people. If you can afford/know how to cook at home, dont take the readymade meals from people that cant. In gods name, dont buy up food for people with special needs, like stockpiling gluten free flour just cause you’re on a diet and leaving nothing to those with allergies.)

8. Know your rights

Keep contact with others in your line of work and what procedures they are taking. Dont let anyone bully you into working in hostile environments, if you can. Find out how/when to take sick days for this and when/how your work or school will continue again. This is a special situation and in many cases, there are special rules implemented to help. Dont let anyone fuck you over.

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kgstoryteller · 4 years

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LOVE in the time of corona-possible prologue for “killing justice: the taste of knives”

Either you learn to live with paradox and ambiguity or you’ll be six years old for the rest of your life.-Anne Lamott

At 5:55 pm, on 3/30/2020 I do hereby declare, under penalty of perjury, that I am a child of chaos, and that my true name is scared kel. Strike that. May the record reflect that for the past 56 years, since my adoption in the spring of 1964 at the age of eleven months, my true name has been scared kel.

Of course I was scared. I had just been kidnapped from the only home I’d ever known, and taken away by two strangers to their little yellow house in Chilliwack, British Columbia, Canada. I cried, and cried, and cried, from dusk until dawn, but as the sun slowly began to rise, and I had not yet been returned home, I finally stopped crying. I would have to adapt to this strange new world, it seemed.

Paradoxical New First Name

These two strangers kept calling me by this strange new name I’d never heard before: “Kelly”. I resisted this name for the longest time, and kept calling myself Toddy instead. I would later learn that my oldest half-brother, who was born shortly after I was adopted, is named Todd. Go figure.

I would also later learn that my new name, Kelly, means “brave warrior.” But wait, that can’t be right. After all, my true name is Scared Kel. Put the two together, and it would seem that my complete true name must be Scared Brave Warrior. No wonder I was confused. No wonder I am a child of chaos.It seems that I have been wrestling with paradoxes and ambiguities like these my whole life.

Yet my adoptive parents were conservative Christians, and my mom in particular seemed especially concerned that I learn the difference between good and evil, between right and wrong. And it seemed that a lot of my childhood was spent doing what was evil and wrong, as what I heard mom say more often than anything else to me was “Your will must be broken young man.” In other words, her will must be good. My will must be evil. How else to explain the fact that I’d been given up twice in the first year of my life? I knew that because, at the age of three and a half, on a ferry boat ride to go get my baby sister, I’d asked my mom why we weren’t going to the hospital. She had gently replied, “Because we’re choosing to adopt your baby sister, just like we chose to adopt you from a foster home when you were eleven months old.” Being “chosen” was a double-edged sword, it seemed. I would have to be really, really good if I wanted to make sure that mom #3 wasn’t going to give up on me too.

We moved around a lot in the first few years after I was adopted. Three times during my first six years with them. Every time we’d move, mom would say “Look how much I’ve sacrificed for you.” If my will was evil., then all Mom’s sacrifices must be good. If I was a child of chaos, it was clear that mom’s world was a world of order. And that mom’s God was a God of order. Once again it seemed as if I was just going to have to adapt to this strange new world.

If my true name was Scared Kel, but my new name meant Brave Warrior, I would simply have to bury my chaotic true name, and adapt myself to my orderly new name.

Now as luck would have it, (and with our first of many visits to my mom’s Irish dad, my grampa Bob, and Norwegian mom, my gramma Myrtle, I would learn that my mom was half-Irish), my new mom and pops not only gave me a new first name, they were kind enough to anoint me with a new middle name as well.

Paradoxical New Middle Name

Now what sort of middle name might you expect a young conservative Christian couple to choose for their newly adopted son? Perhaps they would name me after one of the Gospel writers, and I would be Matthew, Mark, Luke or John? Maybe they would aim higher, and I would be Michael, named after the archangel? Going Old Testament was another possible option, as Joseph may have been the name they settled on. Had I been the one to choose a biblical character to be named after, I would have gone for Moses, the tragic hero who was adopted by Egyptian royalty.

Going for the obvious was never Mom and Pops’s style, however. In fact, I have a theory that my practical joker Pops chose both my names, and then convinced mom to go along for the ride. Since I never thought to ask, I grew up believing they’d named me Kelly because it was a good Irish name. Mom was half-Irish, after all. It wasn’t until I was in my mid-twenties that I finally learned that my new name was inspired by them having adopted me from a foster home on Kelly Street. Go figure.

But Pops outdid himself by coming up with Darwin for my middle name. Who knows, maybe he was secretly preparing me for a lifetime of wrestling with paradoxes and ambiguities. God knows how many of their conservative Christian friends they had to patiently explain to that no, they had not abandoned their faith in a Creator God, but instead had chosen the name so that I would challenge Darwin’s theories. At least that’s why mom said they chose it. Pops’ said they chose it because he’d heard that Darwin had converted to Christianity on his deathbed. Even though that story has now been widely dismissed as an urban legend, I still like Pops’ reason for choosing the name better than mom’s. Mom’s was a world where you had to be a brave warrior in the battle for truth in order to survive. Pop’s was a world where even the most hardened materialist like Darwin could be redeemed in the end.

My way of living out this Darwinian paradox was three-fold. First, when I would later become an adopted American, I chose to add Einstein, but keep the Darwin. The cover story I told anyone who happened to ask was that was my way of honoring my parents. The real reason: I just thought the initials K-EDG sounded way cooler than KEG.

Second, rather than challenging Darwin’s theories, I chose instead to defend my namesake against the blatantly false charge that his worldview amounted to nothing more than “survival of the fittest.” Bullshit. That worldview belongs to Thomas Hobbes, a seventeenth century English philosopher. According to Hobbes, the state of nature is a "war of all against all," in which human beings constantly seek to destroy each other in an incessant pursuit for power. Life in the state of nature is "nasty, brutish and short."

The third way I chose to live out this Darwinian paradox was to adapt. For Darwin explicitly rejected the Hobbesian “survival of the fittest” when he declared that “It is not the most intellectual or the strongest species that survives, but the species that survives is the one that is able to adapt to or adjust best to the changing environment in which it finds itself.”

Fear and Love in the Time of Corona

As the coronavirus races madly around the world, in seemingly unstoppable fashion, from the way the mainstream media and the political establishment are chronicling its assault, it would appear that Hobbes was right. For the coronavirus appears to be primarily laying waste to the weakest members of our species, to those whose advanced age or compromised immune systems make them especially susceptible to its deadly rampage.As someone who’s been forced to wrestle with paradoxes and ambiguities his entire life, however, I have learned from painful personal experience, time, and time, and time again, that things are rarely as they seem to be on the surface of things.

My personal paradoxes and adaptations

As a terrified little eleven month old, I learned that crying would not take me back home to my mommy.

One way I adapted was by becoming a scared brave warrior, so my new mommy would see what a brave warrior I was and love me for it.

Another way I adapted was that despite mom’s best efforts to raise me as an anti-Darwinian Christian fundamentalist, after leaving home at the age of seventeen, I adapted and eventually became the Darwinian Christian mystic that I am today.

How my healing journey has helped prepare me for the Time of Corona

One of the most frightening things about the current coronavirus pandemic is that it is forcing our human species to finally begin to humbly acknowledge that WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL.It is a lesson that I have been forced to learn, and re-learn, time and time again, over the course of the past fifty six years, ten months and eight days.

When I was torn away from my birthmother Adele after nine months spent blissfully swimming in her amniotic sea, I WAS NOT IN CONTROL.

When I was torn away from my foster mom Grace, after eleven months of being pushed up and down on swing sets by her and my First Nations/Native Canadian foster sister Diane, I WAS NOT IN CONTROL.

When I told my adoptive mom Pat, when I was sixteen years old, that I’d learned in my careers class that day that I’d be a great hotel manager, and she said that I didn’t need to go to college for that, I WAS NOT IN CONTROL.

When I had a near nervous breakdown in my first semester at Pepperdine Law School at the age of twenty one, after I’d blown my scholarship, and was so driven by despair that I ended up taking three or four sleeping pills a night to get an hour or two of sleep, I WAS NOT IN CONTROL.

When my beloved adoptive dad Pops, who’d saved my life four years earlier after my near nervous breakdown, suffered a traumatic brain injury from a near-fatal car crash and was left with the cognitive capacity of a twelve year old, when I was twenty five years old and halfway around the world in London at the start of the first semester of my last year of law school, and I couldn’t come home that whole semester because I’d taken two years off to recover from my first year from hell, and once you start you must finish law school in five years, I was left with the emotional capacity of a terrified six-year old, better known as scared kel, because I WAS NOT IN CONTROL.

When I trusted a friend of twenty years and he betrayed that trust, and the life I’d tried to create for myself out of the ashes of Pops’ traumatic brain injury for those same two decades came crashing to the ground when I was forty six years old, I was left once again with the emotional capacity of a terrified six year old, whose true name is scared kel, because I WAS NOT IN CONTROL

For the past ten years, five months, and fifteen days, I have been attempting to love and parent scared kel, my terrified six year old self, back to life.And for the last eleven days that Los Angeles has been under lockdown, I’ve been wrestling with the question of why this coronavirus crisis has been so triggering for me.

And then just a few short days ago, my performance poetry instructor Rachel Kann hosted an online poetry crawl in which she performed her poetic masterpiece “Kindness/The Murmuration of Starlings”, in which a single stanza left my weeping and gasping for breath: “Behind every protective wall of defensiveness is a frightened child fearing for their very life.”

And then the masks slipped away, and it became so clear that for all those with eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts that can understand, and turn, and be healed (Matthew 13: 15b-16) that we hold this truth to be self -evident: we are now living in a world made up entirely of terrified six year olds.

The Time of Corona has Revealed a War for the Soul of Humanity

While the fear of God may be the beginning of wisdom, the love of God is the end of wisdom, and the spiritual journey is the journey from fear to love. The coronavirus pandemic has torn away the veneer of civilization to reveal that a war is now raging for the soul of humanity. This war however, is not the war that the mainstream media and the political establishment are trying so desperately to frame it as.

The war is between fear and love, between Hobbes and Darwin, and between chaos and order. But it is not about one defeating and destroying the other. It is about learning to live in the tension of opposites between fear and love, and between chaos and order. For as Solzhenitsyn wisely wrote: “the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?”

While the mainstream media and political establishment are painting this war in Hobbesian terms, as a winner take all duel to the death between the forces of fear and chaos, that frame is far too small, and an illusion at that, the illusion of power and control.

For in one corner, we have the hypocritical legalists on the right. They are convinced that Trump and the forces of order and goodness must destroy the Deep State, which represents all that is chaotic and evil in our world. Yet the rules the hypocritical legalists insist we all must follow, so that order and goodness might triumph over chaos and evil, they are unable to fully follow themselves. For as Jesus reminds us, there is no one who is truly good but God alone.

In the other corner, we have the amoral rebels on the left. They are equally convinced that only the Deep State can defeat and destroy Trump and his followers, in order that chaos and freedom can finally emerge victorious over order and slavery. Yet the freedom the amoral rebels proclaim as the key to victory is simply a fear of order which is the mirror image of the hypocritical legalists’ fear of chaos.

In other words, both the hypocritical legalists on the right and the amoral rebels on the left are prisoners of fear. They simply cannot see the bars of their prison. As a result, both sides believe that their only option is to engage in a Hobbesian war of all against all. If Hobbes were right, then there would truly be no hope for our survival as a species. Nor, quite frankly, would we deserve to survive.

Spoiler alert: the war has already been won

However, the hope that sustains me, which I have seen embodied by my fellow deep souls time and time again throughout the course of my life, and time and time again over the past eleven days, is that even if two thirds or more of humanity have surrendered already, or will surrender at some point during the time of corona to the forces of fear, there will always be a remnant of deep souls, who will go to our graves knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that LOVE IS STRONGER THAN FEAR.

We are the Principled Rebels, my fellow terrified six year olds of planet earth, and this is the hope that sustains us: we shall never lose our humanity, no matter how much it may look like the forces of fear are going to strip it away from us.

For as I’ve been constantly reminding my own terrified six year old self for the past eleven days in the time of corona:

“Be still, and know, that you are loved.

Be still, and know, that you bring joy.

Be still, and don’t, abandon yourself.

Is the stillness, at the heart, of your chaos.”

So be of good cheer, my fellow terrified six year old principled rebels, for greater is the love that is in you, than the fear that is in the world. So please, please, please know that YOU ARE LOVED, please, please, please FEEL YOUR FEELINGS, and hopefully you won’t have to make all the mistakes I made by so often forgetting that I was loved, and by so often being too afraid to feel my feelings. For the hope that sustains me, and the hope that will enable us to survive as a species in this terrifying time of corona is that WE ARE ALL GOD’S BELOVED CHILDREN, and God does not wish for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.(2 Peter 3:9b)

#coronavirus #love #fear #charles darwin #thomas hobbes #memoir #order #chaos #resilience #adaptability #trump #deep state #hope #grace #trauma therapy #ptsd therapy

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