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runawaymun · 2 months

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if you don't mind me asking, what's wrong with kataang? i haven't watched avatar but i know the plot through osmosis, and wanted to hear your thoughts on that

Ah okay! Let me try to explain...

Caveat 1: this will probably be a bit rambly Caveat 2: it has been a long time since I watched either At:LA or TLoK, but I have watched it both as a kid (teenager, really) and as an adult multiple times.

My problems with kataang is kind of split into two categories: problems with the ship based off of who they are as characters from a writing/themes/narrative arc/messaging standpoint, and problems presented by how the creators of At:LA and TLoK - Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konieztko (not Aaron Ehasz you're doing amazing sweetie) treat the characters and seem to think about the characters, based off of choices that they made in the telling of the story, especially how the characters are treated in their endgame scenario in TLoK (which, notably, Aaron Ehasz didn't write for due to creative differences).

TLDR: IMO Kataang ruins the character arcs, they're bad for each other, and the writers did a disservice to Katara in favorite of their pet meow meow -- which hurt both character arcs and legacies, ultimately.

My chief issue is that Katara and Aang are bad for each other, romantically. They bring out the worst in each other. They're bad at holding healthy boundaries, bad at communicating, and the ship itself is very unbalanced. And I wouldn't have a problem with this if it was recognized by the narrative or the shippers, but the narrative treats them as a great love story when really it's anything but. I won't get into age differences -- because by the time they marry a two-year age difference is very negligible and I don't really think it's a good argument against the ship (even if I do think that shipping a 12 year old boy with a 14 year old girl is insane like what 14 year old girl WANTS to date a 12 year old boy. 12 year old boys are gross haha <3) -- but let's talk about it from a thematic and character growth standpoint.

Aang's arc is fundamentally about not running away from his problems, and learning to step into his role as the Avatar. He struggles with responsibility, struggles with emotional regulation, and struggles in the tension between being very much a 12-13yo kid, and being the Avatar, who has to save the world. His arc is beautiful. It's done SO WELL. And he manages to stay true to himself and I love that for him.

Katara's arc IMO is fundamentally about learning to fight for herself, and not just for others. Katara is very maternal. She has had to grow up extremely quickly in the face of losing both parents at a young age, and understanding that she has to live in constant fear of being murdered for her waterbending abilities. She constantly has to stand up for herself, and has a bad habit of suppressing difficult feelings in lieu of helping others work through theirs. This culminates in Katara taking several seasons (iirc) to actually properly talk to someone about her grief and the burden she is carrying, and to learn to set healthy boundaries -- to help her friends and to grow into a strong warrior and work on herself.

The problem here is that the narrative, over and over, forces Katara to emotionally regulate Aang, and this is never really addressed. They have really poor boundaries and she's always mothering him -- Aang is not a partner for her. He doesn't often reciprocate the same level of support that she gives to him -- mostly because he is twelve. Katara, narratively, acts like a crutch for Aang to lean on. Aang actively holds Katara back from setting healthy boundaries and growing into her own person.

They have an emotionally imbalanced relationship, and again -- Michael and Bryan really don't ever try to rectify this, and I think also they're just really bad at writing romance idk. Because over and over Aang makes passes at Katara, and Katara never really expresses interest. That could be down to Katara being bad at expressing her emotions, but it really doesn't feel like it. The last straw for me -- from a narrative standpoint, is the episode where Aang confesses his feelings to Katara, Katara literally says "I don't know how to feel. I'm confused." And Aang, without asking, decides that this is the perfect moment to kiss her.

Which, fine. They're kids. Kids make mistakes. They don't do things perfectly. I'm fine with characters making mistakes. But for a kids' show that's pretty intent on helping us all learn good life lessons -- this is never addressed. Katara is never given the chance to say "Hey, I didn't appreciate that." Aang never is made to apologize for crossing a boundary. It's treated as just a big stepping stone toward their incredibly forced romantic arc. And I hate hate hate when stories tell boys that the appropriate response to a girl asking for space to sort out her feelings/being unsure is to oh, just kiss her, to help her figure it out! instead of, I don't know, let her make up her own mind and give her space. "I don't know" is not fucking consent, and they shouldn't treat it like it is. Especially not in a kids' show.

Which-- yeah, that kind of leads well into my second problem with Kataang - which is how the creators of the show treat it. To them, Kataang is endgame, it is in the "DNA of the show" as one put it. Which is very weird to me because it is so, so poorly done, and the writers really seem to care so little for Katara. Why do I think this? Because of how they choose to treat Katara in TLoK.

Katara, in her 80s in TLoK, is relegated to a healer and teacher. She's insignificant to the story when characters like Zuko and Toph get much cooler entrances and scenes. She's stuck being a passive bystander to a war (Katara would never.) She's stuck being a healer (Which, sure, she is. But so much of At:LA she chafed at being put in that box! She's also a fighter, goddamnit!) -- and some people have tried to say "well what do you want an 80 year woman to do?" and I don't! fucking! buy it! Characters in At:LA were badass fighters well into their 80s, like Hama (the fearsome bloodbender), Pakku (the Waterbender), Iroh (y'know...), and most notably, Bumi, who is 112 fucking years old. Don't give me "80 year old Katara sits on her ass at home while the men go out and do things and Zuko, at the same age, is literally riding around the world on fucking dragonback." I won't have it. It's Katara slander, I tell you! Let that old woman be a badass!!!

And the writers even go so far as to erase her from her kids' lives! They never talk about her!!! It is always about Aang! Always Aang! And you just get the impression that Katara dropped absolutely everything to be "The Avatar's wife" and SHE DESERVED BETTER RAUDGAHSGH

She doesn't! even! get! an honorary statue! On the very island on which she should! be a war hero! Aang does! Toph does! Zuko does! EVEN SOKKA DOES. The ENTIRE Gaang gets a statue, except Katara. That is a deliberate art choice! WHY did they leave her out?

They absolutely destroyed her ENTIRE At:LA arc in TLoK, and I am honestly not even surprised because the writers have said outright that Aang is a self insert character, and that Kataang is "that childhood romance that we both wanted as kids". Katara, in their brains -- and idk maybe this is unjust-- but she seems to be just the amalgamation of those 14 year old girls that wouldn't give them the time of day when they were snotty twelve year olds, except they're writing the story so of course Aang gets the girl.

Anyway, this doesn't even go into how there are infinitely better choices for Katara, and how Aang's arc is worsened by having a romantic subplot, and etc. etc. I could go on forever about how much I dislike Kataang from a narrative standpoint.

Literally my first thought when I heard they left the Netflix show "due to creative differences" was: "Oh my god, is it because there's no kataang???" and now that there's confirmed to be no kataang and that they may be going a zutara route instead, I'm convinced that's why.

Because it's "in the DNA of the show, you see" they have broken with cocreators before over their pet self insert ship and the narrative treatment of Katara (Aaron Ehasz), and I don't see any reason why they'd change.

alkdasdlkgh anyway. God. Thanks for the ask! Sorry about the really long anti kataang rant aslkdgh. This got kind of aggressive but I do feel very strongly about the treatment of Katara. My girl deserved so much better.

#anti ka/taang #god help me if this shows up in their ship tag because the shippers are rabid #there are already some notable differences in the netflix show to how they are handling katara and aang that I really appreciate #and i'm only like two episodes in #anyway if you see this kataang shippers this post is not for you

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animatedjen · 2 months

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Hi! So I am relatively new to the Jedi games but became so quickly and deeply obsessed, and seeing another user send you a headcanon has inspired me to share one too, because I have no one I can talk about this stuff with IRL, haha. I guess a warning that it's kinda nsfw (like, VERY mildly), so it's TOTALLY okay if you don't want to post this.

Ever since finishing the game I've been thinking so much about Merrin and Cal and how their relationship will change now that they've admitted and embraced the fact that they have feelings for each other. Part of me for a while was thinking maybe Cal had his "first time" with someone he met through the Rebellion in the five-ish years between Fallen Order and Survivor, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that it would be more in character for him to uphold the part of the Jedi code that forbids romantic attachments. Like, he was just so focused on fighting the Empire that even when a slight interest in a person did arise within him, he convinced himself that it was not only against the code, but a distraction from the fight. So, he pushed all those feelings away.

This leads me to my headcanon that Cal's first time is with Merrin after the events of Survivor. While I don't have lots of specifics in mind as to when or how it comes about, I imagine that when it does happen, it is the softest, slowest, sweetest first time in the history of first times. I like the idea of Cal, this person who dives headfirst into everything and (as Cameron once said himself) "kind of likes to fight," just being incredibly thoughtful and deliberate and maybe even nervous about allowing himself to be that vulnerable with another person. Like, all these powerful emotions and powerful physical feelings would be overcoming him, and the sheer magnitude of it all would cause him to slow down and ask Merrin to lead the way, and he'll follow, so that he knows he's not hurting her or taking things too fast.

And Merrin, who is always ribbing him and teasing him and having silly banter about who's stronger, who's faster, etc., abandons all of that during their first time and is just purely kind, patient, attentive, and present with him, taking pleasure in taking the lead and cherishing the trust that he's put in her. And when it's over, I like to think they just lay together talking quietly for who knows how long, with Cal holding Merrin tight against him and Merrin tracing her fingers along his skin, maybe along his tattoo or his scars, while they tell each other stories and pretend like they'll never have to get up and leave this wondrous place <3

My offline Star Wars community is pretty small, so it's nice to have people on here to share ideas with :) So glad you enjoy the Jedi games!!

There's a lot of narrative weight to Cal and Merrin: the Nightsister massacre being led by a lightsaber (Grievous), the manipulation from Malicos, the Jedi views of attachment and dark magick. They're both survivors of a war that destroyed their families, and they take turns helping each other heal and grow.

Almost every main character in FO/Survivor is a foil to Cal in some way - but unlike all these fallen Jedi, Merrin looks to the future and finds new purpose while still honoring her past. I think that's something Cal really admires in her.

I love the trust and steadiness that they have together regardless of romantic attraction. Admittedly I haven't read Battle Scars and didn't go into Survivor wanting a relationship for Cal, so I may not be the best person to share intimacy headcanons with?? But I'm supportive of the story Respawn wants to tell, and recognize the weight/importance of their connection when it comes to Jedi 3. These tags on my recent post are kind of where I'm at:

Also Star Wars is very much lacking in the "healthy relationship that LASTS and no one DIES" department so if these two can break the trend, that'd be great 🙌

#my favorite photomode shots tie into Survivor's narrative while also pushing the limits of the in-game idle animations #and these Cal/Merrin shots are super hard to make so it's a fun challenge! I can practice lighting and composition and storytelling!#but I also recognize that ship-adjacent posts do generally receive more attention #and want to make sure I'm not just creating stuff for likes - but to post what I care about and enjoy making #really sorry for going off-topic on your ask haha #I've been wrestling with this lately #also very thankful for gen fic writers in the FO/Survivor community <3 #asks #jedi survivor #cal kestis #merrin #nightsister merrin

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uriekukistan · 23 days

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um. hsaiko thoughts 🎤 individually or together or wtv i love lesbians

yessss thank you for the ask! lets go lesbians 💯💯💯💯

i think hsiao probably started with a strict rule for herself to not date coworkers because it gets messy, and in their line of work, they never know what moment will be their last, so when she started having feelings for saiko she probably tried to avoid her.

saiko has feelings for hsiao too, so when hsiao starts avoiding her she gets really sad, and eventually confronts her. hsiao confesses everything she's been feeling, including her fear of losing saiko if they get together.

saiko understands, but also doesn't really see what the big deal is. they like each other, what else matters? if they could die tomorrow, then they should at least kiss first and spend their last day surrounded by love.

hsiao thinks this makes sense actually, and that she would feel terrible if saiko died without ever telling her how much she cared for her.

hsiao is pretty shy, so saiko initiates most of the affection between them. they're both homebodies, so they prefer stay-at-home dates, ordering takeout and watching movies, or saiko teaching hsiao how to play her newest favorite video game.

they're very open and vulnerable with each other and share a lot of their feelings and how their past experiences have shaped them. saiko's generally not super shy about how she's feeling, but for hsiao it takes a lot to open up, so it really shows how much she trusts saiko.

healthy, open communication is key for them. if there's a conflict between the two of them, they just talk it out. no avoiding it, no passive aggressiveness, no lashing out. dare i say one of, if not the healthiest relationship in tg?

thank you for the ask! this was really fun :3

#tokyo ghoul #tokyo ghoul :re #tgre #saiko yonebayashi #ching li hsiao

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checkoutmybookshelf · 6 months

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...Someone Get Me Back on the Ice

Ok, for a lot of reasons, I was never a competetive athlete. That said...I am Canadian and I was probably 3 or 4 years old when my grandparents bought me my first pair of skates and my parents took me to the (manmade) kiddie rink in the park to teach me to skate. My middle sister and I had skating lessons for a few years, our parents took us skating pretty often growing up, and when we moved into the big house in Alaska, we had a pond out back that we skated (and burned christmas trees--yes, it was always awesome) on every winter until I left the state. And even when I moved back to Canada, I brought my skates with me and still use the arenas and outdoor town square rink in the winter. All this to say that while I'm never going to be an Olympian, I deeply love skating, so when there was a cozy college skating romance between a figure skater and a hockey team captain...it was not a hard sell. And then I was absolutely delighted by this cozy, fluffy, very skate-y book. Let's talk Icebreaker.

CONTENT WARNING: I'm not going to cover much of this here, but if anyone wants to pick up this book, please be aware that it does contain disordered eating, a super controlling/abusive relationship, and a near-death experience, so take care of you when choosing your books!

The very last thing Anastasia Allen wants to do right before sectionals is be forced to share her rink with a hockey team. Then she gets adopted by a bunch of overgrown man-children with hearts of gold who enjoy body-slamming other overgrown man-children into the boards over a puck. It is possibly the most adorable thing I have ever seen, and it is the best possible embodiment of the healthy, non-toxic version of "boys will be boys" insofar as the team just genuinely love and support each other and make space for Anastasia and Lola in that world with care, respect, and joy. I love it so, so much.

Of course, Anastasia is not here just to be adopted by a hockey team. She's also very much in danger of falling deeply in love with Nate Hawkins, captain of said hockey team. Nate and Anastasia are a genuinely darling, adorable couple, and watching them together was just FUN.

Particularly in contrast to Anastasia's relationship with her skating partner, Aaron. Who is--to put it mildly--the biggest most manipulative toxic douchebag I have ever seen. There's something about his and Anastasia's relationship that managed to embody everything that can go horribly toxic with athletic partnerships and how difficult it can be when your dream relies on someone who is actively trying to drag you down.

The super nice thing though, is that Aaron is absolutely the bad guy in this book. Neither Nate nor Ryan (the adorable himbo basketball player she begins the book in a friends-with-benefits arrangement with) descend to Aaron's level. They are there to support Anaastasia. That doesn't mean they don't get angry or jealous--they're human men in their late teens/early 20s, of COURSE they get angry and jealous--but they deal with those emotions pretty freaking healthily, and they don't descend into petty ego-based bullshit. Add that to Anastasia's therapy-honed communication skills, and the relationships in this book are just so well done. Sometimes relationships in romances can get weirdly toxic for drama, but that's not the case here, which made this cozy romance GENUINELY delightful to read.

The side characters are also super well-developed and full of personality, so everyone in this book feels well-rounded, real, and delightful. From Lola to Henry, Robbie, Russ, and JJ, you get to know an ensemble of strong secondary characters in the context of the main romantic relationship, and Anastasia and Henry's platonic love for each other might be the best platonic relationship I've seen in FOREVER. I would 100% read a spinoff novel about those two buddy-ing around.

Author Hannah Grace is a self-proclaimed "fluffy comfort book writer," and if Icebreaker is any example, then ACCURATE. And I cannot recommend this book enough, it was a delight to read from start to finish.

#hannah grace #icebreaker #stas and nate #cozy romance #sport romance #ice skating #college romance #books and reading #books & libraries #books and novels #books #book recommendations

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hoshi-y · 1 year

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Hey there love <3!

Great to know your exams are over :D... mine just began and I want to cry 😔... so before I'm too busy I wanted to request something ^^

So uhm chapter 96 right...? We all can see the communication problems between the minamoto Brothers...

SO What about Teru with an Exorcist s/o who's also been like a prodigy in Exorcism since young and like they're kinda childhood friends. But they however do better with handling their feelings and are more open minded , they get why Kou did what he did ( both of the brothers were wrong in their own ways) and so they help the brothers communicate better? Maybe they're with Teru when he's sulking, trying to comfort/ cheer him (up) and subtly explain that its kinda both parties fault and just overall help the two communicate better?

Kinda long but thats the request part...

NOW, I just want to say I love , love , love your writing (ik I've said it before , but its so good -)! I hardly know you but you seem like such an amazing person. Please eat, sleep , drink water and stay healthy. I hope you get alooooot of followers and you ace your exams <333

Hehe I know its random but I just wanted to let you know how amazing you are !

Please do feel free to ignore my request ! I will not mind at all.. take care!!! (Tried to be colorful heh :>)

💗

Loosen Up a Bit

genre : Fluff

Character : Minamoto Teru

TW : None

A/N : AWWWW IM SO GLAD YOU LOVE MY DOOKIE WRITING AWHSHHWHAH PLEASE DO DRINK, EAT, AND SLEEP ALOT ASWELL AND TY!!! This was a very colorful request and I like it Hehe, Sibling fight what I like to see HWHAHAHA

Also I'm sorry it took so long to do your requests, Projects and requirements keep pilling in 😞

I hope you enjoy 💗

I should apologize..

You and Teru have been childhood friends ever since kindergarten

both of you got along VERY WELL as you were also an exorcist

He found out about it when he saw you exorcist a supernatural pretending to be an old lady causing harm around the playground

After he witnessed that he would bug you to come and exorcist

which you gave in obviously

Months turned into years

and you two were in 1st year of high school when you guys fell inlove and became a couple

You absolutely adored his younger siblings and would absolutely break when you see them fight

which they wouldn't do so often

but this time, Teru and Kou had a massive fight leading to them giving each other silent treatments

so you marched up to his room in hopes you can persuade Teru and Kou to talk

Teru sulked as he wrapped his blanket over his head watching everyone play with fireworks just outside his window

"Hmp.. What is this? They are all having fun without me.." Teru watched as Yashiro lit another one making Tiara shout in joy watching the sparks come out

As he continued to watch, he heard a soft knock on the door "Teru? Come outside, don't coop yourself in your room too much.." He perked up to hear your soft voice, He got up and opened his door and pulled you in hugging you "W-woah hey bud calm down" You softly raked his blonde hair

After you guys went to the near shore to bring back Aoi and Hanako, He and Kou had a massive fight which turned into them slightly giving each other silent treatments. But you know Kou wasn't like that, He even tried to give him snacks and candy but he didn't know how to approach and start a conversation with his older brother. And here we are, a sad lonely Teru watching everyone have fun without him

You sighed "Teru.. You need to go down there and talk with Kou.. Giving each other silent treatment is not the way to go" Convincing him was never easy, he is very stubborn. He dragged you down with him down his bed as he cuddled up to you hiding his face on your neck, making you turn to all kinds of shades of red

You tried to calm yourself down

"Teru"

You were met with silence as you sighed. "I mean, it's both your faults anyway.. You two need to communicate and clear the air, okay?" He wasn't budging "Teru.. Sulking like this won't make Kou come up here and instantly talk with you" He finally looked up, he looked tired. "I understand what I did was.. Selfish and very wrong of me.. But I did it because I wanted to keep him safe"

"Safe by hurting and lying to him?"

"Okay I admit that wasn't right either"

"None of what you did back there was right."

Teru groaned as he hid under the covers, You were about to say something but heard another knock on the door, You got up despite Teru saying and begging for you not to go. You opened the door and came face to face with Kou, Holding a plastic bag with a bunch more food

'Why is the younger brother the one persuading the older brother..'

"Hello Kou, are you here to talk with your brother?" You leaned on the door frame as he nodded slowly, You stepped aside signaling that he can come in, Kou let himself in as he eyed his older brother hiding under the sheets

"Do you two want me to give you so space?"

"No" Both Teru and Kou answered at the same time making both go silent, you sighed heavily as you sat down on Teru's swivel chair "I hope you both know that both of you were in the wrong.." Teru sat down on his bed as Kou looked down

"We know.. And Teru-nee.. I'm sorry"

"No Kou, I should be the one who's sorry.."

Without them noticing, you slipped away from the room and quietly closed the door. This conversation needs to be between them and only them, you can't just sit there and akwardly watch them apologize to each other

What seemed like minutes you left his room, Kou finally got Teru to come out and have fun with everyone else

"Well, done sulking I assume president?" Akane jokingly said but Teru zapped him "Teru"

"Oh dear, I didn't see you there [F/N]" He laughed a little as you sighed

Everyone was having a blast having fun, Heck you guys even had a barbecue that wasn't even planned to bring him down

"[F/N], Can you come with me for a moment?" You were about to bite into one of Kous delicious barbecue but stopped "Sure Teru" You got up and walked up to him, He held ypur hand as he brought to a part of his house where no one can hear or see them

"Woah hey what are we doing here?" Teru hugged you and kissed your cheek "Thank you for cheering me up and helping me talk with Kou again.. After we came back from the near shore it has been akward between us.." You ruffled his hair "Of course love.. I hate to see my two favorite brothers fighting you know" You flicked his forehead making him whimper in pain "Next time, be careful with your words or I'll cut that tongue of yours"

He chuckled "Wooww.. Scary.." He held your face up to him with his hand as he stared at your pretty [E/C] Eyes

As if time had stopped, all the background noise became muffled and the only thing that was moving was the both of you

"I love you.. [F/N]"

"I love you too Teru" You giggled as leaned in to get a taste of your sweet soft lips

HELLO I'M RLLY RLLY SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO DO YOUR REQUEST, I was unmotivated and not feeling myself for days making it difficult for me to do requests 😭

#toilet bound hanako kun #jibaku shoujo hanako kun #tbhk x reader #jshk #tbhk #teru x reader #minamoto teru #teru minamoto #jshk teru #tbhk teru

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arale2126 · 14 days

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Cherik fics - That ONE line - 34

「I love this one so there will be quoteS」

For I Mean to Conquer Troy by twelve_pastels

Summary: Set one year post movie, Charles overloads himself in Cerebro, and his mind goes walkabout; wherever he is (and he’s around), it’s not in his body. Erik temporarily takes over the school in his absence, and finds that there’s little time for resentment or hatred when he’s busy organizing assigned reading for English lit, keeping the youngest children out of trouble, and trying to talk Raven into wearing clothing for the boys’ sake. Somewhere in between taking responsibility for the students and dreaming Charles’ dreams every night, he manages to remember that he’s something rather more than a weapon. In other words: A Love Story between two Gentlemen, told in Prose, Epistles, and Nonsense Rhymes.

The quote:

P.S. Your cook, Mme. Gagnon, thinks me underfed and has taken it upon herself to make me “more the healthy”. I fear that she is fattening me for slaughter – I have heard far too many disturbing tales of the Voyageurs to ever be fully comfortable with a Quebecoise in the house, even if her mastery of a roast chicken is unparalleled. –E.

Suffice to say, Erik now knew why Charles had spiked his tea so liberally with whiskey at the end of the day.

I realized yesterday that I have begun to turn into my Grandfather Wilhelm. I recall very little of him, or I used to before you began to gaily prance about in my mind whenever the fancy took you and stirred up things I thought long locked away. He seemed to use curses and bellowing as his primary forms of communication and had all the subtlety of a bear in a sweets shop. In spite of all that, everyone in the family was perfectly happy leaving the children in his care, and the youngest ones adored him. I spend most of the time shouting at the students, or so it feels, and yet they creep into the library every night to listen to me read. Some of the small ones even insist that I tuck them in.

There is no shame in being born and raised in a low situation, but there is shame in wanting to stay there.

She was a Siamese, cross-eyed and with a voice like an air raid siren, and loathed everyone except for Sean and, oddly enough, Erik. Erik, Morag adored. She followed him around, talking to him; she slept on all his clothes and lovingly shed on them so that he would never be apart from her; and she sat on his lap while he was grading papers, nursing at the cuff of his jacket and drooling as she purred.

Getting Jean interested in any form of literature, especially in the middle of winter when the whole school was bored and fretful, had been akin to teaching a pig to sing. Specifically, it wasted one’s time, and it annoyed the pig.

Look, all I’m saying is that you’re acting less like a ball of psychoses masquerading as a human, and more like the brilliant overprotective manic-obsessive asshole that we all were hoping you’d turn out to be.

#cherik #cherik that one line #happy Erik #loving erik #happy Charles #happy mutant family #did i mention happy Erik #Erik and the kids are cuties #certified dadneto #teaching is so fucking hard i could never #do you know how hard it is to write such riveting slice-of-life #i could never #shares my hc that jean loathes literature #do i believe that charles xavier's death will solve everything #i do #no he doesn't die in this fic

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middlefingeronbackspace · 1 month

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3/25/24 – “Ever after”

From this point on – what does that look like for me? At twenty-seven, seventy-seven days to twenty-eight it looks really simple. Financial stability, a man who loves me through action, and two healthy children, preferably two girls. Unfortunately, under late capitalism that is asking for a lot. I could move to middle America and call it a wrap, but my family and community are here. The California lemon drop of a sun is here and nowhere else.

I suppose at twenty-three I was okay with moving to the Midwest, to a much cheaper part of the country and living with my envisioned fiancé and his palm-colored family that might not like me at first, but they’d love me eventually. Needless to say, that didn’t work as I hoped. They were God fearing and I had a healthy fear of religion. I did see an ever after though, as much as it may embarrass me now. A life in a nice big house with no backyard fences and endless street parties. My little girls would have ribbons in their hair, and we’d go to church with their daddy and if they ever expressed that they weren’t certain on how they felt about God, I’d tell them that it was okay. That their mommy had an ill relationship with that man since she was five years old. With that fantasy coming in and out of my mind I finally decided that I didn’t really love him. He was a youth leader at his church, and I dressed up as the devil as often as I could. What I did love was the thought of being far from my mother and snatching someone everyone thought was desirable – including my mother. Well except for me, when I really looked at him, he made me angry.

Between the ages of twenty and twenty-two ever after was becoming a very successful writer, maybe an installation artist, I’d so charismatic that I’d make friends everywhere I went and someone would eventually ask me to star in their indie film. The movie would do better than expected and I’d be nominated for an Oscar. I wouldn’t win, one of the many seasoned actresses would take the little gold man home, but goodness! What a milestone just to be nominated. Then I’d get really drunk at one of the after parties, not yellow pole drunk or dry humping drunk, just drunk enough to be dancing on the floor. Someone would insist we did karaoke and I’d be invited to the mic. Then bam! Music career. I’d never be rich – I haven’t believed in being rich for some time now – but I’d be well off. I’d donate to charities and eventually settle down with someone. We’d have two little girls and live in the California mountains.

At eighteen after my first major heartbreak and several overdoses I thought ever after would be living in a shack sized house by the beach with nothing but some tattered clothes and my laptop to write. I’d wake up every morning, smoke a cigarette and enjoy a cup of coffee. I’d walk around, have small talk with the people in the community. If the weather permitted, I’d take a dip into the ocean and think about how lovely and empty the universe really is. Then I’d grab something from the cheapest eatery – not my favorite, just the cheapest – and I’d speak to the owner. We’d be really good friends, but they wouldn’t know that I got food poisoning from their shop three times in the last year. I’d go home, have an evening glass of coffee because I am Salvadorian at the end of the day and have one last cigarette. (I more than likely had five while I was out.) I’d write on a piece of scrap paper to get more cigarettes and to call Taylor back. Taylor would be one of the many men I was having a love affair with. In this scenario I wasn’t sure what kind of writer I’d be, just that I’d be one and I’d have enough money to live in a shack sized house by the beach.

I realized that I had an unhealthy desire to be something no one could catch but would dream of constantly. That was simply because I had been heartbroken, and I wanted to break anything that slightly resembled a heart.

I suppose ultimately ever after still looks the same. Stability, love, and two children that can be of any gender as long as they have their health. To be able to stay close to my family and friends. To not die wishing for more and being very appreciative of everything I got. To be happy.

#writing prompt #march #writing #entry #ever after #heart break #salvadorian #beach #love #write #mommy issues

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mamahersh · 1 year

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So I’ve been thinking, and obviously these are thoughts that will probably be expounded upon (potentially) in my final remarks post on Saturday, but I’ve been having some thoughts about JMart again. Condensing some of the previous commentary, the running themes I’ve been struggling with, ect. Perhaps my opinions with change with MAG 200, maybe 200 will only cement them, but hear me out:

TMA is a horror podcast, not a horror/romance podcast. “But mamahersh!” I hear you cry, “no duh! No one ever claimed it was a horror/romance podcast!”

You, imaginary reader, are quite correct.

It’s just odd that the show writer tries so very hard to add romance in the show in S5 just to seemingly set up a final act romantic tragedy. Well, ok, that’s rather disingenuous, as there’s some off handed mentions of Jon and Martin hanging out in S3, and Jon spends like half his time in S4 pining after Martin. But more to the point: all actual romantic developments (except when needed for an important character moment to tie into something tragic later) are off screen. We hear second hand about Melanie and Georgie’s relationship forming, we can make our own assumptions about their closeness based on 158? and 190-192, we hear offhandedly about Jon and Martin’s S3 lunch dates (if I’m not misremembering that tidbit entirely), we can speculate about Jon and Martin’s relationship progressing and that it was a rather significant jump in progress after saving Martin from the Lonely while they sheltered at Daisy’s Safehouse...

I’m mostly trying to get at I think two big things I guess. 1) Jonny is spectacular at horror writing. S1-3, and the statements in S4 are spot on in terms of striking the right balance you need in a campfire story or a personal folktale or a short horror story. He also does a great job at writing long form dramas, what with seeding the clues to how the universe works from the very beginning and challenging the listeners to try and understand what’s going on right along with the main character. Keeping the listeners on their toes as they wait each week with baited breath to find out what’s happening this time to our dear blorbo Jarchivist. However, what he seems to enjoy doing less of, at least in TMA universe, is write “fluff”. He can certainly write soft moments between characters, quite well in fact! There’s a reason S5 has a bajillion animatics from when it was releasing based on the little JMart tidbits we were given. But that’s just it, they were tidbits, and even the patreon and public fluff extras never exceeded 10 mins. Goodness, not to say they should have! But more to the point: it’s quite difficult to write a healthy or even a compelling romance when you don’t have the time or “place” to establish it. which kinda leads into...

2) The reason I keep feeling like the romance between Jon and Martin in S5 is forced is because to some extent it is. There was no development of their relationship on tape, and then when finally do have the time to do so it’s in the literal worst situation imaginable to do so. All of the silly somft moments are eaten away by both the circumstances of Jon and Martin being able to spend all this time together (the literal end of the world and all that’s Good) and their general dispositions towards each other. You don’t keep a relationship healthy or alive by never trusting your partner, or never telling them anything in a way they can understand, or callously talking about trying end every “monster” like them, or never listening to their concerns. These two have always struggled with communicating and the apocalypse just seems to have exacerbated the problems 10 fold. Which, again, horror podcast. Dramatic Tragedy and all that. We are getting their relationship set up for 200, but also because it makes for a good reason that Jon hasn’t just jumped off the deep end yet.

Anyways, I think this nicely consolidates my thoughts on the matter. And just to be clear, I’m sure if Jonny Sims wanted to write full length episodes of sappy office drama I’m sure he could, but in the context of TMA he certainly can’t. Which is perfectly fine outside of suddenly trying to pull a Romeo and Juliet with Jon and Martin as a major B plot running through all of S5.

#tma #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jonmartin #jmart #tma meta #long post #I'm going to alienate all (both) of my regular readers with the way I'm going lol #the magnus archives liveblog

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astrobydalia · 3 years

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🌸OBSERVATIONS!! (finally lmao)🌱

Credit: Tumblr blog @astrobydalia

It's been a long time coming! So happy for spring being finally here! Here's the long ass observation post you guys asked for. Since it's quite a big amount of observations, I've decided it'd be a good idea to number them so that it's easier to reference them. As always, enjoy them!

🌸 1. Lilith in the 2nd house can indicate something fishy going on with the relationship between the native’s parents.

🌱 2. Malefic placements such as pluto, chiron, Saturn or Lilith in the 12th indicates a lot of skeletons in the closet when it comes to family and family history

🌸 3. Chiron in Aries/1st house or Leo/5th house is kind of bitch placement. The person basically feels like they can’t be themselves and there’s a lot of self-denial and/or not accepting themselves, how they really are, what they really want, etc. Lots of self-esteem issues

🌱 4. People with sexual placements in the 2nd house (Mars, Venus, Lilith, Eros, ruler of the 8th house) base their self-worth on how sexually attractive they are. If they don't feel sexually desirable to everyone, they feel like they're shit

🌸 5. Lilith is what people think Pluto/Scorpio is!!!! All that stuff about magnetic, sexual and intoxicating but dangerous? Lilith.

🌱 6. Scorpio/Pluto in 4th could mean that the person had to work hard to survive something growing up. It could be poverty, their parents’ expectations, an early trauma, etc. Whatever the situation is, the native felt like they grew up in a high-stress environment where they had to endure and survive

🌸 7. When it comes to degrees, the higher the degree, the bigger or stronger the effect. For example Leo degrees (5º, 17º, 29º) are fame degrees. 5th degree would give small fame, 17th degree would be normal and significant fame or recognition inside the person’s field and 29th degree is moreso widespread or permanent fame

🌱 8. Saturn in the 5th house is a huge indicator of turning your hobby into your job. Also these people can be very awkward in their personality

🌸 9. I’ve noticed people with Neptune in the 6th (maybe 2nd) house may have been hospitalized and if Uranus or Pluto are placed here also indicates getting surgery or operations for health reasons

🌱 10. People with Uranus or Pluto in the 1st, 2nd or conjunct the ASC could get surgery due to aesthetic reason

🌸 11. Mercury dominant people (or strong Gemini energy in the chart) like to have or get things quick and easy. For example they prefer a straight forward summary over an in-depth and elaborated explanation with too many details

🌱 12. Your moon sign shows how you see your past. Your 4th house represent how you see your childhood. But your moon represents under which light you always view your past and everything that has happened in your life in general. It also shows the type of stuff from your past you tend to focus on. Since Cancer and Pisces represent past and remenaicence, that's why Cancer and Pisces moons have trouble getting over the past.

🌸 13. Your 10th house on the other hand is how you see your future. Whenever someone asks you “where you see yourself in 5 years?” your 10th house is the one that’ll be answering that question

🌱 14. Gemini moon/mars are the LEAST likely to hold grudges (unless chart says otherwise)

🌸 15. The house where you have your Neptune indicates the themes you tend to lie about, don’t give much info, say stuff about it that are misleading etc. and in consequence people might not have a clear/correct idea of this part of your life

🌱 16. Virgo risings rarely or basically never pose for pictures. They just look straight forward to the camera, sometimes smile and maybe make a small gesture like putting one hand in their pocket or tilt their head but that’s it. (Virgo = minimalism)

🌸 17. Scorpios really don’t give a single fuck they just DON’T 😭💀 Remember this sign is all or nothing, they either care too or don't care AT ALL

🌱 18. I said it once and I’ll say to a hundred times more: Geminis are not two-faced, it’s LIBRA!! Seriously Libras are the FAKEST people I’ve ever met. Why? Because it's ruled by the planet of love (Venus), which means Libra has a knack for being liked by everyone and making everyone feel liked. HOWEVER Libra is an AIR sign and air represents mind, NOT feelings. In conclusion, Libra can make you feel "loved" (venus) and still not give a damn about you bc its air nature makes them prone to emotional detachment. That's why they are able to roast you and make it look like they're complimenting you, specially when they have Scorpio mercury.

🌸 19. Just like you look at where’s the ruler of your rising sign to get more info on your rising, check the ruler of your Sun sign for more info on your personal identity (check sign and house). For ex. I have Virgo Sun in the 9th. Ruler of Virgo=Mercury. I have mercury in Libra in the 10th house which makes me more serious (10th house) and diplomatic/people pleaser (Libra)

🌱 20. If you found that you “couldn’t” do what’s previously described because you’re a Leo sun, check the degree and decan of your Sun

🌸 21. I’ve noticed mercury retrograde people are the type of individuals who always know exactly the right things to say. You’ll always see them take a couple of seconds before answering but they tend to give very good responses

🌱 22. I’ve noticed many women with Virgo Venus/Sun/MC/Lilith have been slut-shamed at some point of their life or they’ve been seen as promiscuous/sexual/etc.

🌸 23. Capricorn moons are not emotionless machines. The thing with these natives is that their mothers treated them like an adult the second they came out of the womb, so basically they skipped the “love and affection” stage and went straight to the “grow up” stage, but they can love really hard and real deep (Capricorn is deep down a very sentimental sign). They are very ride or die people tbh, they are very patient, accepting and understanding

🌱 24. I've noticed that people at first deny their rising sign in Vedic astrology, but eventually they end up accepting it and they actually end up relating to it a lot. I feel like this is because our rising sign in Vedic astrology is usually the sign of our 12th house in Western astrology, which leads me to believe that our 12th house sign is not our shadow side but more like our deep subcontious personality and that's why we have a hard time accepting it when we see it as our rising sign in Vedic astrology. It's like your rising sign (in western) is the director of the play but your 12th house is the energy that previously wrote the script

🌸 25. So many celebrities have moon in the 11th house. Also this placement indicates that you had a mother that put you out there constantly like posting everything about you on social media, bringing you to big events or your mom was “famous” in some capacity

🌱26. Gemini risings tend to believe everything they are told. More specifically, once they find someone that knows a little bit more than them they’ll believe everything they teach them and will most likely rely on them intellectually, for advice, guidance, etc. This is bc they have DSC in Sagittarius which makes them see the people they associate with as masters and mentors while, as a Gemini rising, they identify as an apprentice.

🌸27. Both 8th house and 12th house have been associated with secrets. The different is that the 8th house represents what you CONTIOUSLY and deliberately hide from others and most likely deny to yourself (or not, depends on the person). 12th house on the other hand represents subconscious, things that are hidden even from you and you didn’t even know were hidden. 4th house is not necessarily secrets, it represents privacy, like when people have a sanctuary to just relax, unwind and feel secure, that’s the 4th house.

🌱28. Sun or Moon in the 4th house will make you a sociable but private person.

🌸29. Sun or moon in the 8th house will make you an intriguing and mysterious person.

🌱30. Sun or moon the 12th house makes you a very elusive or wishy-washy person

🌸31. I’ve seen many Scorpio sun/moon/mars/rising individuals obsessed with the idea of being prepared for a catastrophe. They could be the type to, for example, have some saved cash just in case something bad happens with their bank money, have a backup account just in case their main one gets deleted, could have a “leave before you get left” philosophy, etc.

🌱32. Is it just me or the astro community talks a lot about Aries moons???

🌸33. I’ve noticed people with 4th house in Virgo could have been raised in a very judgemental household where there was lots of taboos and prejudice as to what’s right and what’s not and the family was too preoccupied with a perfect and immaculate reputation. For example could have been raised with values such as “only criminals wear tattoos” or “you should stay celibate till marriage or else you’re a whore”, etc. and if the native broke those rules they could have been very criticized and almost loathed by the family. They native could have been highly criticized in general by their family

🌱34. I’ve noticed women that have their moon harshly aspecting Pluto, Uranus and Mars or overall have a very afflicted moon tend to have very painful period cramps

🌸35. Something I have noticed with Venus or Moon conjunct Saturn people is that the concept of unconditional love sounds like alien language to them. That of course doesn’t mean they can’t love but they have this deep belief that they have to achieve something in order to deserve love and stuff like that

🌱36. Also, I just noticed that people with Saturn conjunct sun/moon/Venus/ASC, Capricorn big 3 or Capricorn degrees in personal placements have gone through IT man, specially on an internal level. I've noticed going through depression is a common theme for people with this Capricorn/Saturn influence

🌸37. Virgo Suns could often struggle to find balance between having healthy ego and being humble.

🌱38. Also people with Virgo+Leo energy are the MOOOOST judgmental people out there. Imagine ego mixed with a sense of knowing what’s correct. They tend to believe they’re morally superior and easily liable people as inferior

🌸39. The underdeveloped energy of a sign asimilates negative traits of its sister sign. For example underdeveloped Virgo is overly perfectionist and judgmental to the point where they have unrealistic expectations (Pisces)

🌱40. On the other hand the developed version of a sign is balanced out by understanding its sister sign. For example Leo knows they are unique and special and deserves recognition but understands everyone is also unique in their own way (Aquarius)

🌸41. I’ve noticed a person can very easily manifest the stereotypical characteristics of the sign that naturally rules the house where their chart ruler is. For example if someone’s chart ruler (ruler of the ASC) is in the 7th house the person can easily manifest stereotypical characteristics of Libra like being a people pleaser

🌱42. Sagittarius ASC/Mars people are all fun, amicable and outgoing.... until they don’t get their way. They will get away from people and situations that won’t give them what they want and they can genuinely dislike people solely because those people don’t let them have their way. They tend to go around life like they have a free pass to get away with everything they want.

🌸43. People with ASC-Neptune aspects don’t have a very reliable vision of reality or themselves to be honest. I don’t know how people with this aspect haven’t lost their mind already. They are prone to subconsciously manipulating or easily getting manipulated. With hard aspects this is a lot more obvious but I’ve noticed with easy aspects this energy tends to go almost unnoticed and they easily get away with stuff

🌱44. Have seen many famous people with North node in the 2nd, 5th, 11th and 12th houses specially

🌸45. Air risings or air dominance with Sagittarius placements/degrees are people who love cartoons/animations/videogames regardless of their age.

🌱46. When I got into astrology I didn’t understand why Sun is in detriment in Libra, but oh man... All Libras I’ve met had HUGE issues with trusting themselves. They doubt themselves 24/7 and that’s not even an exaggeration and I’ve noticed they actually may have grown up doubting themselves for some reason or they had a family (their dad) that caused this feeling in them. Also I’ve seen that those Libras with Scorpio placements feel like they have to hide something about themselves otherwise they’ll be rejected. Yes they are endlessly charming, but that's because they have essentially created their personality around the desire of being liked/accepted. They always need to feel they have SOMEONE. Their sense of self, INDIVIDUALITY, independence and assertiveness is lost in the process. Unless they have fire and specially Aries placements to balance this out they can feel like they have no personality and that’s why they are often perceived as fake or shallow.

🌸47. Literally ALL Virgo placements one way or another will always suggest a way to solve your problems when giving emotional support

🌱48. I have a theory that, since 4th house is how you were raised, your home and your parents, your 10th house is how you’d be as a parent yourself and the type of home you’ll create yourself

🌸49. Contrary to my expectations, I’ve seen priests having a much more prominent 4th house (many times combined with 8th house/Scorpio energy) than 12th house. People with 12th house placements or stellium seem to prefer artistic fields rather than classic spirituality

🌱50. The house where you have your Pluto is a house you just can NOT take lightly EVER. This area of your life feels like a heavy topic to you in some way (you are either obsessed with it, find It traumatic, get extremely defensive over it, find it spiteful, you feel everything goes wrong, etc, etc.) Can also apply to the house where you have the sign of scorpio

🌸51. In synastry, Venus falling in the 12th house creates a healing dynamic in the relationship, the connection can feel cathartic specially for the house person. The house person might tend to always be comforted by the venus person’s support, always feel better (or even energetically “cleansed”) after being with them. The venus person never judges the house person and accepts them and is always willing to be there.

🌱52. I’ve noticed this pattern in people with mutable moons where they have absent mothers in some shape or form. Their mother is very inconsistent, she always comes and goes. Very often the native may have felt like their mother always “left them be” (virgo moon moms put restrictions but eventually are rather flexible)

🌸53. People with cardinal moons have bossy mothers. In many cases they can have the type of mother that is constantly making decisions for them, like their mother decides what/where they’re going to study for example (the house tells what type of things the mother tends to make decisions on).

🌱54. People with fixed moons have possesive and protective moms. While mutable moons have absent mothers, natives with fixed moons have mothers that are ALWAYS there in some shape or form. At the very least the influence of the mother is always there and they always have this sense of “loyalty” towards their mom.

Credit: Tumblr blog @astrobydalia

That's it for now, next observation post is just as long but much better, stay tuned and safe loves 💕

#astrology #astro #astro notes #astro observations #zodiac

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callmefitz · 3 years

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fine. fine I did it. luca fic where massimo is trying to be a good parent for his teenage fish son. yes its the painfully awkward i know you’re gay talk. i wrote this at 2 am while projecting so this isn’t shakespeare, just a vibe. set sometime 3-4 years after the film but i think it’s implied enough.

—————————————————-

Alberto ran up the stairs, threw open the door, dropped his hat on the table and hastily washed his hands at the sink.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said breathlessly, wiping his hands on the front of his shirt, “I got caught up in, uh, well-“

“Showing off?” Massimo offered, turning from his workstation in the kitchen. Alberto laughed nervously and nodded- then paused- and shook his head while looking away.

“Well, I prefer the term ‘sharing with the community’” Alberto offered, before pulling out a large pot and placing it on the stove.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Massimo returned to the cutting the fish, “It’s a nice bike.”

It was a nice bike. Nice enough that the kids in Portorossa frequently begged Alberto to let them sit on it or ride it around the plaza. And who was he to say no? It was the coolest thing he had ever set his eyes on, let alone owned. Of course he let them use it. Alberto had been saving up his tip money from fish delivery all winter to buy it: a shiny, brand-new, red-hot Vesta. Just like the one Erocle used to parade around town on. Giulia and Luca were going to be so excited.

Alberto began pouring cups of water into the pot as he raised the heat, waiting for it to hit a soft boil. “So how much time do we have?”

Massimo glanced out the window facing the countryside, where the distance etchings of train tracks were visible, “About an hour. Luca’s parents will meet us at the station. Then, dinner.”

“An hour. Right. We can work with that,” Alberto said, mainly to himself, as Massimo continued with his fish. They both fell into a steady rhythm, as they stirred and simmered an outrageous amount of food.

While his hands were lost in repetition, Alberto’s mind wandered to Luca. Massimo liked to joke about how Luca never truly left, with all the letters and phone calls sent, but Alberto couldn’t disagree more. Words couldn’t capture the way Luca would say things, like how he yelled when he was excited and talk quickly when he was nervous. And sure, Alberto could read between the lines, and infer things, like how scrunched up words meant Luca was happy or excited and messy letters and wonky lines meant he was tired, but it wasn’t the real thing. And phone calls, while better, were fewer and far inbetween, and couldn’t capture the way Luca would move when talking, whether it was the way he walked or gestured, or the faces he would make and the way he would touch your shoulder or grab your arm to make a point. So no- Luca had truly left, and while Alberto had seen glimpses and pieces throughout the months, he preferred the whole Luca he got during the summer.

One hour. One hour and Alberto wouldn’t have to rely just on letters and voices. It would be just them again, like it was every summer, whether it be sleeping under the stars in Giulia’s hideout, or swimming out to the island to watch the sunsets, or spending afternoons filling up on gelato and playing futbol on the hot pavement. Giulia would be there too, and the trio would finally be complete. Just like how it was that first summer, and just how it was now.

Had Alberto mentioned he was excited?

“The pasta is boiling over,” Massimo provided helpfully, and Alberto was thrust back into reality.

He swore under his breath, moving the pot to another eye and turning the stove off. He sighed and grabbed for a towel to wipe the sides of the pot. Turning his back to Massimo, he began searching for a strainer, but was interrupted.

“Alberto.” Massimo put his knife down and turned slightly. His face was drawn so that his eyes peeked out from under his eyebrows and bore down to Alberto (no matter how tall Alberto got, Massimo was always, well, massive).

“There is something we need to talk about before the train comes in.”

And there it was. Or, rather, there it wasn’t, because those words never came out of Massimo’s mouth. Maybe it was because, despite everything between them, Massimo just wasn’t a big feelings guy. He was a man of few words who would rather hand-paint signs, mend hats, and hand-make pasta than say “I love you.” Not that Alberto cared much, about that, he couldn’t complain honestly, but the point was that Massimo never “had talks”. If something was serious to discuss in private, it was always “Alberto, a word”. Because Massimo was a man of few words. So it was understandable, then, that that string of words elicited panic in Alberto. Because never in a million years, not even when Massimo first asked Alberto to stay with him, did they ever have something they needed to talk about.

Good thing Alberto was good at handling panic. He was basically an expert.

“Yeah, like what?”

He held his elbow out to lean against the counter in a calm manner, but missed and instead landed on the red hot stove eye. All while maintaining a smirk-turned-grimace. Yep. Expert.

That was going to hurt later. A lot.

Massimo looked at Alberto, searching for something in his face, and, upon finding it, sighed, and turned to the window where the train-tracks were. Absentmindedly, he turned the faucet of the sink on, and letting it cool for a moment, held a rag under it. Once it was wet enough, he handed it to Alberto.

“Luca is a... good kid, no?” Massimo led after a moment of contemplation. Alberto took the rag, but his face scrunched up in confusion as he held it to his elbow. Faintly, he felt the familiar tingle of flesh-turning scale as the coolness took the edge from the burn. But the beginnings of a frown was settling on Alberto as he followed Massimo’s gaze to the train tracks.

“Yeah?”

Massimo nodded. “He is very smart. He writes often. He knows fish... but not as well as you do.”

Alberto inched closer to Massimo, “Yeah, he’s pretty cool. One of my best friends but... I think you know that.”

“He is a very good friend,” Massimo said, but something felt strange about the way he said it, “Handsome, too.”

Alberto’s body froze and his face heated up. Before he could say anything contradictory, however, Massimo continued.

“I know the way you two look at each other. Young love. It’s a good thing, especially when it’s between friends who have known each other for so long.” Massimo said slowly, “And if you ever want to take Luca out for some gelato on your Vespa... then I will be very happy for you, Beto. He’s a good kid. Good for you.”

Alberto wasn’t going to lie. He had thought about it, once or twice. In his head it always played out so incredibly natural, that a part of him assumed it would eventually happen. Giulia would be busy, either delivering fish or volunteering for the cup, and he and Luca would be on their own for the day. Maybe they bike to the top of Portorosso, or maybe they went out to the island or climbed a roof to watch the stars. Sometimes it would be just them having dinner together, and something would give- one of them would brush hands with the other, lean in just a little too close and stay there... then... well, it would be just like it to was. But more. And selfishly, maybe if they were more, Luca wouldn’t leave at the end of the season.

But Alberto couldn’t think like that. Luca loved school more than anything. Well, almost anything. He would never want to take that from him.

But Massimo was right. Luca was handsome. Summers in Portorosso had been kind to him, and they’ve both put on some healthy weight and muscle over the years. Even if they hadn’t been friends, Alberto had no doubt he would have been fond of Luca regardless.

“I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon,” Albert said candidly. “But... Thanks. For that. I guess.”

Massimo shrugged. “You’d be surprised. Giulia tells me a lot.”

Impossible scenarios ran through Alberto’s head. The wheels were spinning so fast that smoke was practically spewing from his ears.

“Like what?”

Massimo glanced out the window again, “I guess he’ll just have to tell you when he gets here.”

#please don’t bully me for doesn’t know how to insert read below crimes #Luca #Luca (2021)#alberto scorfano #luca paguro #massimo marcovaldo #giulia marcovaldo #Luca fic #Massimo just wants to support Alberto but doesn’t know how to #so he leads with Luca’s a good kid right #meanwhile luca probably spills all his feelings to Giulia #and while she isn’t a snitch she had a very open relationship with her dad and has probably been like #help my two best friends like each other and I’m in the middle #also he wants Alberto to know he loves him no matter what and will be happy for him as long as whoever he dates treats him well #Massimo: how do I let Alberto know I approve of Luca #Massimo: he knows fish.

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gustingirl · 2 years

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Hey lovely ♥️

Can I get #161 “you braided his hair?” from the prompt list with josh being jealous of the reader braiding Sammys hair in the studio and kisses her on the cheek for it :)

Thank you ☺️

sure!! hope this is fine <3

feel free to request more!

There was nothing better than being the band’s guardian angel. Weird role, you assumed, especially considering you were literally dating one of the members. But it was the reality; these four men loved you tenderly and you loved them back so much to the point that taking care of them was the minimum thing you could do.

It all started when you befriended Sam at high school. It truly shocked you how one science project gave you the best friend you could have ever asked. But even better, this friendship has given you the love of your life too. You had promised Sam to never had a crush on his brothers as he believed it was weird as fuck. But you never promised to not fall for one of them….

Josh hit you like a truck. No, really. It wasn’t a truck, it was a jeep but still. It amazed you how Josh accidentally almost running you over with his car was the trigger to get some coffee, alone almost for the first time since you had met the boys. And that coffee led to more coffee dates and to spending more alone time with him to one beautiful afternoon when Josh decided to close the space between you two at the boys’ studio to give you the fairytale kiss you had dreamt of your entire life. Falling for him felt so right, and Sam couldn’t help but accept you two, as he could see so clearly just how in love you two were.

The relationship was truly perfect and it never once ruined the friendship you had built with the boys for almost 10 years. Between Josh and Sam, they included you in the group and made you feel like the fifth member. You were so happy by it, being able to watch them grow from a local small band to literally Grammy winners. You had always been by their side as their best friend, though Danny would always reassure you were more of a guardian angel. You always had an eye on them, always alert to their needs, especially to Josh’s obviously. You would always help them with no complaints, and they never crossed the line with overwork or pressure.

You knew and appreciated just how healthy your life was by their side, though it never went by unnoticed the little acts of jealousy Josh would have. It wasn’t much jealousy to you, it felt more like insecurity. You actually weren’t sure as he would sometimes become a bit more possessive than insecure. But still, you could never not see them whenever Jake would hug you from behind or whenever you would steal one of Danny’s hoodies. You truly believed Josh was aware you saw the boys as nothing but brothers by now, but there was always a little doubt inside your mind.

Josh, to your surprise and relief, would barely make a big deal out of anything regarding the boys and your friendship with them. Communication is key in a relationship and you two had spent years working on just talking about your feelings. It made your relationship much healthier, but you were sure Josh kept a lot inside himself.

Such a thing became obvious to you a few months ago when you visited the boys at their studio. You arrived with Josh, as usual, but soon you got too distracted with Sam. He was very happy about a beat he had discovered earlier that day and he was so excited to share it with you. It wasn’t the first time this had happened, and the second you saw his proud smile, you knew you were going to have a long afternoon with a very excited Samuel Kiszka.

Josh was also pretty aware of how obsessed Sam would get whenever he discovered something and never thought of interrupting you two, despite how much he wanted to be alone with you. He had been having some really rough weeks; a lot of pressure was being put on his shoulders and stress and anxiety was taking over his body. You were his chill pill, his peace and calm. With only your smile or with only one kiss Josh was suddenly much better, as if nothing was going on. He truly needed you now, probably more than ever. But he also knew Sam was really important to you, probably the tightest friendship you had in the group. And he respected that friendship a lot. Because of this, he kept his problems to himself and let you spend the day with Sam. He followed Jake around and helped him with some stuff, leaving you and Sam alone at the studio as you two chatted and shared thoughts.

He waited like 4 or 5 hours to go back with you. The need he had of you to hold him that day was stronger than anything and, as much as it hurt him, he really couldn’t wait much longer. After excusing himself from the room, Josh made his way back to the recording studio where apparently you and Sam had moved into, so that his brother could show you the beat he had discovered. Josh was wearing his biggest smile as excitement began consuming him; he always felt this uncontrollable joy whenever he knew he was going to see you. It happened before every end of a concert and it filled him with so much joy that he would later show you.

However, the scene in front of him made every single bit of happiness disappear in a second to later be replaced by something he couldn’t describe. His eyes were focused on the way you were braiding Sam’s hair as the latter was too concentrated talking about something. You were wearing such a big smile, one that Josh believed he had never seen on you before. As much as he hated it, Josh couldn’t help but feel completely jealous. Something inside him made him want to enter the recording area to yell at both of you, but he knew better than that. He truly wanted to respect you, and he did, as much as it was hurting him.

Before he could choose to do anything, another punch went straight to his heart when he watched as Sam pulled away with his hair put in a beautiful braid and turned around to place a loving kiss on your cheek. It was probably your reaction that felt like Josh had been shot directly to the heart. You seemed so happy by that simple touch, he even felt like you were relieved. Josh swallowed hard as he took some steps back until he collided against the wall. He really wanted to get ugly jealous, like the kind that makes you have the roughest sex afterwards. But it wasn’t the case now; he felt, maybe for the first time in years, fear of losing you. All sorts of intrusive thoughts started filling his head: You had been kind of distant lately, right? You were probably tired of him. You didn’t seem to moan much in bed anymore. You also wanted to hang out as a group more. You definitely wanted to be with someone else. Maybe that kiss was not the first Sam had given you? You two were alone, maybe you thought no one was looking.

These and many more were haunting Josh’s head, making feel claustrophobic all of a sudden. The beginning of a panic attack started taking place inside his heart, but the sound of the recording room’s door opening made it go away, being soon replaced by embarrassment. Sam walked away with a smile that then got bigger when he saw his brother.

“Hey man! You like? I asked Y/N to do it!” Sam spoke quite fast as he pulled the braid for Josh to see.

He only received a nod with a fake small smile from his older brother, but it was enough for him. With the same smile, Sam left the room. Josh didn’t hesitate to go in the opposite direction to the recording room, where you were still sitting as before, with your phone in hand.

“You braided his hair?” he truly wanted to say something else, but the scene kept replaying inside his head.

You jumped in the place, never once hearing him enter the room. As you held a hand to your chest while your heart beat faster, you frowned at his sudden question. You were, at the beginning, a bit oblivious to the look of pain on Josh’s face. As you weren’t answering as fast as he wanted you to, he continued.

“You braided his hair and seemed a bit too happy with that kiss. Is there anything you want to tell me?”

Josh then began considering how dumb he was sounding, but his emotions were stronger than his conscience. It was then when you noticed his expression. You stood up feeling concern invading you.

“Josh, are you alright?” you tried approaching him but he took a step back

“Why are you suddenly so away from me? Do you even wanna be with me anymore!?” he spoke, raising his voice with every question. You were struggling to understand where this was going.

“What are you talking about? I just braided his hair…” you tried calming him down, though you couldn’t help but get defensive

“Now is braiding his hair, tomorrow is, who knows? Sucking his dick!”

“Joshua, what the fuck!?”

Josh knew then he had taken it too far. He realized this the second his words left his mouth. You did not look concerned anymore, now anger was all you could feel. But Josh was not doing ok, and you knew him well enough to know this wasn’t his usual self. He put his hands on his waist and took a deep breath, maybe too deep as he soon began feeling tears forming in his eyes. You swallowed hard and understood then everything that was going on. You didn’t hesitate to reach out to him with the tightest hug you could give.

“Listen, babe, I don’t know how to explain with words just how much I love you. No man could ever make me feel the way with you, and believe me when I say I could never be with anybody else but you. These three guys you have as bandmates are my brothers, especially the one who has just left. I get you must be dealing with something you’re not telling me, but I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll never ever leave your side, and you should always talk to me” you could feel him relaxing in your arms, hiding his face in your neck as he let some tears leave his eyes.

“I love you so much, Y/N, I really do so fucking much”

“I know, my love. You don’t need to say it”

You sighed with a smile as you rubbed Josh’s back softly, tightening the hug from time to time, as you could never be close enough to the man of your life.

#greta van fleet #.gvftxt #gvf #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet fan fiction #josh kiszka #josh kiszka fic #josh kiszka fluff #josh kiszka angst #josh kiszka x reader

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ptergwen · 3 years

Text

from one kid to another

w/c: 6.0k

warnings: mentions of drinking, lots of swearing, implied smut, and angst at times

summary: it was a mistake, a beautiful one that you didn’t make on your own

a/n: this genuinely is my favorite thing i’ve ever written :,) i say that a lot but this time i mean it, it’s really special i think and i so so so hope y’all do too <3 enjoy my loves

there’s only one thing in life that testing positive for is actually positive.

depending on the situation, obviously. yours isn’t ideal, or planned or a blessing or whatever people say. it’s a gigantic mistake that you didn’t realize you made until a minute ago.

you’d noticed something was wrong when your time of the month came and all you experienced was the symptoms. cramps, cravings, everything except your actual period. as everyone is pretty much taught to do, you ran to the closest drug store for a pregnancy test. what the hell else could it be? you messed around a few weeks ago, so there’s a possibility.

your heart felt like it was going to explode out of your chest the whole time you waited for the results. you’d thought of calling tom over for support, but there are a couple of reasons why you couldn’t do that. you realized you made the right decision when your timer for the test went off.

two red lines. you’re pregnant. you’re pregnant, and your best fucking friend is the father.

where do you go from here?

the test falls from your hand and hits the floor with a mocking clank. you slide down until your back is against the bathtub. well, you’re fucked. what an ironic word choice.

the fact that you aren’t ready in the slightest to be a parent when you’re still growing up yourself is one thing. it’s another that this could ruin the most important relationship you’ve ever had.

no, tom won’t be mad. he’s never once fought with or even raised his voice at you. in your times of need, he’s been the one to uplift you and kiss your puffy cheeks dry. no matter how he takes this, you know it won’t be out on you. he is half responsible.

but, with how you left things the last time you spoke, you’re not sure you’ll be able to get past it.

tom is alarmingly good at hiding how he truly feels. you always tease him that it’s because he’s a gemini. he’ll come back with shut up, i’m an actor and stick his nose in the air to give you the full image. in all seriousness, it does take a toll on how well he can communicate.

you’ve seen it in small ways, like when he brings you along for press days and uses unenthusiastic smiles to cover up his yawns. how he’ll be polite in a conversation with people he’d rather not speak to, then mumble about it once you’re home. he tries to put forward the “appealing” parts of himself even though he’s more than them.

tom’s biggest communication issue is that he’s been in love with you since year nine and hasn’t said a word about it. you’ve yet to figure that one out.

you two became friends while tom was starring in billy elliot. his schedule was so scattered between shows and school, so he struggled to balance both. he often had to stay late for extra help on the lessons. you’d also been there a few times. you worked better in the classroom, and he was grateful he didn’t have to be alone with the teacher.

most kids made fun of tom for his interest in theater, to his face and behind his back. not you. you thought it was just incredible that someone in your own classes worked at the west end. you’d told him on your way home one night.

he’d heard you before he saw you. “you’re tom, right?” you asked from behind him, the two of you making your way through the hall. the question sounded friendly, and it wasn’t every day kids were nice to him. tom stopped walking so you could catch up. “yes, and you are?” you gave him a small smile, books clutched to your chest. he instantly returned it.

“y/n. i heard you’re in billy elliot?” you laughed at your understatement, then corrected yourself. “that you are billy elliot, i mean. that’s so cool.” “oh, i am. thank you,” he chuckled back, a full grin taking over his face. you were both walking again, you by tom’s side. “i was hoping to come see you soon.” your voice got quieter as you told him, like you were nervous.

tom never had much luck with girls, not at this point in his life. this was an opportunity to change that. at the very least, to make a new friend. he offered something you said yes to without a beat of hesitation. “what if i got you the tickets?”

from then on, you began talking during class and not only when it ended. tom really knew how to keep the conversation going, telling story after story that left you laughing so much your teacher would shush you. you’d eventually moved to hangouts at either of your houses. harrison came into the mix at some point, the three of you forming your own group.

the difference between tom and harrison was that while harrison linked with other girls, tom was only interested in you. he’d gotten a crush on you pretty fast, if he was being honest. it might have been your shared sense of humor or the way you said his name.

thomas, when he was being cheeky. tommy, which took the place of a pet name. even regular tom. that might have been his favorite. he loved how it rolled off your tongue. he loved, and still loves, you.

you’d gone to all of tom’s performances you possibly could, the ones for school theater included. you also gave him the push to take his talents to hollywood. tom was afraid he wasn’t cut out for the big screen, that he needed more practice and experience first. you told him that if this was what he wanted to do, he had to start somewhere. why wait?

tom then landed his first movie role in the impossible at the age of fifteen. he’d received tons of praise and almost gotten nominated for an academy award, all because you convinced him to audition. you played a huge part in keeping him grounded when he was between films, and caught him up on whatever schoolwork he’d missed.

you practically zoomed to tom’s house when he was announced as the next spider-man. you’d been constantly refreshing every social media platform marvel was on since tom became a finalist for the part. that process was probably the most difficult experience he’s ever gone through. you’d know, having heard all about it from tom.

the two of you celebrated along with the rest of tom’s family that night. you kept giving him little proud of you squeezes on his shoulder or knee. tom is eternally indebted to you for being the most supportive of everything he does.

he of course sends the support right back. although he went down the movie star path, acting wasn’t for you. you’d gone off to university and studied hard as hell and aced all your shit. tom quizzed you on material whenever you needed. he wanted to help you somehow, and this was all you’d let him do.

he’d offered to pay off your loans and any other expenses necessary because he had the money to do that now. you refused every single time, not trying to become dependent on him. he admired your drive, yet hated it at the same time. everything you’d done for him, it was his turn to be the caretaker. it should’ve been.

whenever tom wrapped filming for the holidays and came back home, you were always preparing for final exams. he kept you company, content with simply being in your presence. you typed away on your keyboard and read over notes until your eyes burned. tom occasionally brought you snacks, tea, asked how you were and what he could do.

sometimes, he would have to cut your study time short. he’d say it wasn’t healthy or you were overdoing it and to come relax with him for a bit. other times, tom let you be. he didn’t want to get in the way of your already stressful assignments. those were the nights you’d fall asleep in front of your laptop. drool on your chin, hunched over at your desk.

tom made sure to tuck you in, press a light kiss to whatever part of your face wasn’t covered in spit, then let himself out. he knew where your spare key was, so he used that. you’d wake up to a “Fell asleep studying again. Rest today x” text the next morning.

when it came time for you to graduate, tom was on the first flight there. it was during another round of reshoots for chaos walking. he respectfully told doug that he’d have to work around his schedule or replace him, which couldn’t be done so late into filming. tom didn’t care that it made him seem like a prick. he was getting to you no matter what he had to do.

he’d earned plenty of stares and whispers from people as he took his seat in the crowd. he was a proper celebrity now, so he expected it. his solution was to ignore everything and chat with your family about how proud they were of you, tom the most. he saw you go from a kid attempting algebra equations to an adult at her uni graduation. you’ve really grown up together.

it was why he teared up hearing them call your name, seeing you beam as you walked across the stage. your mom grabbed his hand and nodded at him, like she could tell exactly what was going through his head.

you ran right up to tom after the ceremony was over, leaping into his arms. he let out a couple of chuckles as he spun you around. “i didn’t think you’d make it,” you’d admitted, happy yet sad tears in your eyes. tom put you down so he could pull you in for a real hug. “i’ll always be wherever you are, y/n,” he said into your ear, rocking you while you gripped at his suit collar.

flash forward to a year later, your career is finally taking off, tom’s is flourishing like it has been for years, and you’re pregnant with his child. you’re trying to recall the series of events that led you to this moment.

you were both drunk, blackout drunk because the only reason you remember sleeping together is that you woke up naked in the same bed. harrison’s bed.

he threw a housewarming party for himself, having recently moved out of tom’s and the other boys’ place. the three of them, sam, and you were all in attendance, along with a lot of others you hadn’t met.

neither you nor tom could figure out where he knew all those people from. he’d clinged to you two for the most part, more so you now with tom usually away. they could have been from work. harrison is breaking into the business himself, small roles here and there. tom actually met him in your school’s theater program, then he introduced him to you, ten years ago already.

sam entertained himself by making concoctions with the snacks harrison set out. harry got together a playlist for the party. harrison and tuwaine struck up a conversation with some of harrison’s actor friends. that left you and tom alone, out of stuff to do, and with one way to fix it.

“drink?” tom had asked you, a smirk playing on his lips. “love one,” you hummed back and set off for the kitchen. the two of you raided harrison’s liquor cabinet, grabbing his biggest bottle of wine. he’d dumbly pointed it out during the house tour he gave you before the other guests arrived.

you were about to search for glasses, but tom’s fingers threaded through yours. he gently tugged you away and nodded behind him. “let’s bring this upstairs. seems much more fun there,” he’d murmured over the music, a grin breaking across your face.

tom is big on clubbing and socializing, however, you aren’t. he comes up with ways to get you out of these events, just in case.

“we can break in harrison’s bed for him,” you said as a completely harmless joke, no intentions of that becoming your reality later on. spoiler alert: it did. “and how are we gonna do that?” tom quirked a suggestive eyebrow and breathed out a laugh as you dragged him towards the stairs. despite yourself, you’d giggled at his words.

not one drink in either of you yet, and you were stumbling and cracking up as you ran upstairs. you’d pulled tom by your still attached hands into what you remembered as harrison’s room. tom shut the door, locked it, saying under his breath that would be a “convenient investment” for him to make as well.

he took out a bottle opener that he must have put in his pocket at some point and got to work on your wine, you getting comfortable on the new mattress. the two of you passed it to the other after every sip, tom licking the taste of your lip gloss off his own lips every so often.

the equivalent of three drinks in, you were making out. both of you were just tipsy at this point, tom holding you by your hips as you lied down, your legs around his waist. god, he could’ve done this sober. he’d dreamed about kissing you, really kissing you since he was fourteen. you’d always felt like you two had something more. ah, there it was.

halfway through the bottle got you past the next two bases, and you were ready for the fourth and ultimate one by the time you shook the last few drops onto the tip of your tongue. tom groaned at the sight of that, drawing your half naked body in closer to his.

you two had forgotten to use protection in each of your drunken states. without a doubt, you both would’ve agreed to a condom had your minds not been everywhere but where they should have.

you’d woken up first the morning after, panic immediately coursing through your veins thicker than blood. a fully nude and sleeping tom had you in his embrace, arms secured around your middle, facing you. you gasped when you made the connection, loudly enough to wake tom up. his long eyelashes tickled your face, a confused pout on his lips. uh... um...

“did we fucking...” you trailed off, no words to describe whatever unfolded. “fuck?” tom finished for you. a very blunt explanation, but true nevertheless. “looks like it,” he rasped, pout changing into a smile. your face fell at the vague memories of how you spent your night.

you definitely wanted to do it. just, he’s your best friend, who’s seen you at your least sexy moments over the years. when you were sick, had breakdowns from stress, you name literally anything, tom was there. it took one bottle of cheap wine for him to forget that?

the real answer was no. tom is entirely in love with you, for a decade at that. you were beginning to discover you feel the same, only you had no idea he already loves you. you’d assumed this was meant to be merely a hookup. from the frown your face held, he’d thought you were regretting it. oh, were you both so wrong.

“um... we don’t have to talk about it,” tom told you halfheartedly, under the impression that’s what you preferred. you physically felt yourself get weaker in tom’s strong arms. he’s not interested. “yeah, that’s probably for the best. i...” you were lying. his heart shrunk, shriveled up inside his chest. she doesn’t love me like that.

“you have to go. aren’t you behind on some emails?” tom hoped you didn’t hear his voice strain from the tears pushing at his eyes. “right. almost forgot, thanks.” you’d plastered on a smile, slipping out of his grasp. a tear rolled down his cheek, so he wiped it away before you noticed. you’d already gotten out of the bed and begun picking your clothes up off the floor.

“i’ll drive you home, then.” he rolled on to his other side, you thought so he could give you privacy to change. it was that, and also because he was crying. he couldn’t hold it in. tom is naturally an emotional person. imagine finding out the love you’ve had almost half your life is unreciprocated. it’s soul crushing.

you two found harrison snoring and on top of tuwaine as you left the house. no silly remarks or shared glances for the first time in ten years. tom couldn’t muster anything up, and you felt numb.

the drive was painful. you’d said your goodbyes after tom pulled up to the curb, which held an odd weight to them. once you were out of the car, a sob wracked through him, banging on the steering wheel and not giving a shit about the loud horn going off. you collapsed face first onto your bed. hours passed by while you stared at nothing and contemplated everything.

since it happened, you haven’t spoken much. small talk over text every few days or so, both of you pretending things are normal for the other’s sake. about a month later, today, is when you found out you’re pregnant.

there’s no use wallowing in any of this. you need to figure out your next move, one that should probably involve tom. first, you want to talk to someone else. you want other opinions and a voice in your head that isn’t your own. harrison gets a text from you saying to come over now, the now in all caps. he does.

you let him in after the second knock, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. however torn you are, you must look it. shirt balled in your fists, lip quivering. he keeps his eyes on yours as he steps inside, pushing the door shut behind him. this is all becoming too real. “y/n, are you okay?”

you’re about to cry in three, two...

“haz, i fucked up,” you choke out, tears unable to stay at bay. he takes you into his arms for a hug. half your face is hidden in his shoulder, hands clutching at his back. he lets you cry it out, holding you until your heavy breathing steadies. “what’s happened?” harrison asks quietly, both of you leaving the hug.

“if- if i tell you, you can’t freak out. you can’t tell anyone else, either,” you instruct, searching his eyes for certainty that he won’t under any circumstances. “i won’t, y/n/n,” he assures you and puts an encouraging hand on your arm. your heart pounding abnormally fast, you spit it out. your first time saying it aloud. “i’m pregnant.”

harrison flinches and doesn’t even try to conceal it. he takes his hand off of you, worry swimming across his features. he blinks at you, unsure of what to say. you’d react the same way, maybe worse, so you don’t blame him. a discussion you, him, and tom had a couple years back replays in his mind.

the three of you were talking about your futures, seeing as you were close to living them. when tom asked you two where you stood on having your own families, you didn’t hesitate to answer. “nope, the factory is closed for a long ass time.” until you were in your thirties, you aimed to focus on yourself. harrison distinctly remembered because of how you phrased it.

“you’re... you... wow,” is all he replies with. you head over to the couch, more tears welling up in your eyes. do the pregnancy hormones act up this early? harrison follows you over and sits down next to you with an awkward clearing of his throat. “do you want to be pregnant?” he has to ask because he’s not sure if he should congratulate you or what.

“i don’t know,” you answer honestly, voice airy. your eyes are fixed on the wall in front of you. you haven’t given yourself time to think about it. there are so many reasons you don’t, and a single one you do. “do you, um, know who the dad is?” harrison glances over at you. “yeah.” your voice cracks. you’re both afraid for him to ask what he does next.

he shifts so he’s sitting up. “can i know?” a sniffle passing through you, you finally look at him. “it’s tom,” you say it before you lose the nerve to. harrison’s face doesn’t change this time. he isn’t surprised you and tom went there. he’d seen your friendship growing into more the older you all got. what he can’t believe is where it took you.

his best friend pregnant, and his other best friend responsible for it.

“when did you...” “at your party,” you explain, bringing your legs up so they’re criss cross on the couch. “i thought you were gone a little too long.” he says that to try cheering you up. you appreciate the effort, but it doesn’t work. you’re not in a joking mood. he’ll stick to the main issue. “so, have you told him?”

“clearly not,” you scoff, not at him but at what you two have gotten yourselves into. “y/n... i think you should tell him,” harrison sighs out, then adds, “whether you keep it or not.” “why? that would ruin everything, it already has.” you’re getting angry now, which plunges you into angry crying, voice unsteady as you go on.

“the last time i saw tom was that night, and i guess it meant more to me than it did to him because we haven’t talked about it at all. he didn’t want to.” you swipe the back of your hand across your eyes, gaze stern compared to harrison’s soft one.

he drapes an arm around your shoulders, you curling into him with another sniffle. he doesn’t say anything for a minute, then he tries again. “i know you, y/n, and i know tom. you’ll kill yourselves not talking about this.” he’s right, no shit he is. avoiding telling tom how you feel, and your pregnancy on top of that, it’s eating you up inside. it’s swallowing you whole.

“what if he doesn’t want to be a dad? or- or i’m a shit mum?” you croak out, your doubts getting the best of you. “i can barely take care of myself. what am i supposed to do with a baby?” you’re leaning forward with your hands pressing into your temples. harrison’s hand moves to your upper back. “i- i don’t think i should have them. i... we can’t,” you conclude.

“tom loves kids,” he gives you a gentle reminder. “why would his own be the exception?” another good point, yet you still have rebuttles. “right, he’s a godfather and he’s really good with them and all that, but i’m not the right person, and it’s a terrible time,” you tell him all at once, in a rush to get your words out before harrison’s sway you.

“he’s never around, i’m doing my own stuff. we’re not meant for this.” you lift your head out of your hands and sit back on the couch. harrison returns his hands to his lap. he’s frowning at you, which you see from the corner of your eye. “i’m not going to force you to have the baby. just saying you have options.”

yeah, really shitty ones.

“either way, talk to tom.” harrison says this more like a demand so you’ll take his advice into actual consideration. “at least about the hookup.” your teeth sink into your lower lip, eyes watering for the nth time already.

you have no choice because he’s right again. you’ll never move on from what happened unless you and tom address it.

the next morning, you do what harrison told you to and invite tom over. he replied saying he was on his way maybe a minute later. he’s nervous to see you because yeah, but more so looking forward since it’s been so long. you’re so nauseous you barely have room for nerves. it’s morning sickness with a hint anxiety.

it feels almost normal when he first gets here, no how’ve you been and what are you up to these days? being as close as you and tom are, you’re not capable of such a dry conversation. personally, you still feel uneasy while he recounts a golfing incident him and harry got into the other day. you know something he doesn’t.

“when i tell you we flew, we flew,” tom makes a pushing forward motion with both hands. “right into the tree. i think harry, like, dented part of his face.” he lets out a breathy laugh, you forcing out one of your own. you’d be more interested without the fact that you’re expecting a child, his child, at the back of your mind.

tom exhales, shifting to face you on your couch. it’s funny how different things were when you and harrison sat in these same spots yesterday. so much has and is about to change.

“they had to send another golf cart to come get us. it was wild.” “it sounds wild,” you hollowly agree. he can tell you’re not too invested in hearing about harry’s terrible driving skills, so he changes the subject. “anyway, harrison told me he came over last night?” your stomach drops, heat coming over your whole body.

“did... did he say why?” you murmur with a look of urgency in your eyes. tom shrugs a shoulder, and casually. there’s no way he knows. “no, was he supposed to?” his tone stays playful, which you can thankfully tell. that puts you more at ease. “no. no, never mind. i would’ve asked you to come, but...” you’re searching through your catalog of excuses.

thank god tom says something else because you can’t find a good one. “it’s alright. i actually, um, had a work call.” a small smile spreads across his face, a proud one. intrigued, you raise both eyebrows. “what’d you talk about?” tom twiddles with his fingers in his lap. “i’ve been offered an audition for this really amazing film. everything works out, it’ll be huge for me.”

you’re smiling back this time, putting a hand over one of his. “woah, that’s incredible. i’m so happy for you, tom.” you lock your fingers with his from the back of his hand. he looks down at them, humbly shaking his head. “when is it?” “a few weeks from today. it films in brazil...”

oh. you can’t tell him now. it’s not worth him missing out on a milestone in his career for a baby you’re not sure you should have. that would be so unfair of you to ask. what are you going to do, not support his dreams for the first time in a literal decade? and, you’d call yourself his best friend through it all?

you guess this also means the way you feel about tom is one sided. he’s okay with leaving you after the most intimate moment you two have ever shared. you’ll dance around it the rest of your lives. better yet, act like the night never even happened. that’s not so easy to do when you’ve got a permanent reminder of it.

the thought makes you sick to your stomach. so sick, you could...

while tom is talking more about what the audition entails, you suddenly bolt up from the couch. you run for the bathroom, a hand cupped over your mouth. his face twists up in confusion from your disappearance. tom calls, “y/n/n?” out to you, but you can’t respond because your head is in the toilet. he rushes in when he hears you retching.

he gets onto the floor with you. you’re bent over, puking your guts out, back in another place where your life changed forever less than twenty four hours ago. tom pulls your hair out of your face and into a makeshift ponytail with one hand, his other on your back. that’s all you have in you. you stay over the toilet just to be sure.

saliva drips from your mouth, making you cough roughly, the sound echoing. tom moves so he’s next to you, keeping his hand in your hair and not caring one bit about the smell because he loves you and he’s utterly concerned about what he witnessed.

“love, are you sick?” he coos, searching for your eyes. they water from the intensity of everything. “morning sickness,” you answer without thinking first. shit. shit, shit, shit. it came out of you like more vomit, word vomit. there’s no going back now.

tom lets go of your hair with his eyes still on yours. his hand on your back then leaves you, fingers trailing down your body as they go. “morning sickness,” he repeats, putting it together. “you’re pregnant?” guilt taking over your features, you sit across from tom. you’re once again leaning against the bathtub, him against the counter.

“this isn’t how i wanted you to find out,” you admit and bring your knees up to your chest. “i took a test yesterday. it was positive.” your arms wrap around your legs, you now tearing up because tom figured it out. a shaky breath passes his lips. “i haven’t gone to my doctor or anything yet, but i-“

“are you keeping the baby?” tom cuts in. not to judge you for your choice, to find out what the fuck is going on before he travels across the world. you tighten your arms around yourself, grabbing your wrist. “i haven’t decided.” he gives you an understanding nod and reaches out for you. you dodge him. he might not want to do that after what you say next.

“tom, i... there’s more,” you whimper out. “yeah. i’m... i’m listening,” tom croaks, unable to hold in his infinite amount of emotions for a multitude of reasons. he’s losing you a second time. more tears spill from your eyes as you break the news, the news that will destroy what he’s been working towards his entire life.

“the baby is yours.” his face relaxes, looking almost relieved when you confess it. “when we slept together, uh,” you’re sure it’s obvious enough that you don’t have to go over the details. he’s tearing up himself. you reluctantly continue. “if you still want to audition, i get it. we don’t have to do this.”

“fuck the audition. fuck the whole movie. all of my movies, really,” tom surprises you by blurting out. he moves in until your legs are touching. “i’m staying. even if you don’t have the baby, i have to be here.” you watch in disbelief as he wipes away what are actually happy tears. “really? i was scared you’d resent me for it, or hate me even,” you mumble to him.

“y/n, what? why would i ever do that?” tom places a hand on your cheek, touch gentle and filled with love. you part your legs so he can be closer to you. he takes the space between them, thumb brushing over your skin. “i didn’t think you’d want to deal with all of this. i thought that night was only a hookup for you.” your voice wobbles under his gaze.

“no, are you kidding? i thought that’s what you thought.” he’s smiling now, eyes twinkling along with it. what he’s been meaning to tell you since you were only kids finally comes out. “i’ve loved you as long as i’ve known you, y/n. i always imagined myself doing this with you.” his words draw a quiet laugh from you, a happy one. “i know we were drunk, but i meant it all.”

the sincerity in his voice, the warmth in his eyes, they make you cry all over again. you’re getting used to it.

“i love you, tom,” you lean into him with a sniffle and a grin, his forehead now resting on yours, using his thumb to catch one of your tears. “i really do.” “i love you forever. i always have,” tom speaks lowly, breath fanning across your face. your hands grab at his shoulders. “so, you’ll stay? you’ll do this with me?” he reminds you of what he said before, this time a promise.

“forever.”

you ended up having the baby, and tom held your hand through the entire labor. nikki was holding his other hand, your mom holding your other hand. harrison had originally been in the room as well. when you started to push, he got freaked out and had to leave. your support system remained strong either way.

despite his repulsion of your daughter’s birth, you and tom decided to make harrison her godfather. he eventually became the godfather of your other two children also, which you had a few years later.

tom took a paternity leave from the industry so he could be with you and jamie. he’d also used his time off to propose to you, something else he fantasized about since year eleven in school. it wasn’t anything too grand because the whole world was already buzzing about you two, and a big gesture felt too impersonal with everything you’d been through together.

he did it in the form of passing a note, something you often did in class to avoid being scolded by your teacher for talking. the note came with a pencil to check off either the yes or no box, “will you marry me?” written above them. anyone else would have found it so unromantic, but you giggled as you checked off yes before your lips crashed into his smiling ones.

you were married shortly after the proposal, jamie as your flower girl and all your friends and family in attendance.

to do what he loved and stay with the people he loved, tom created his own version of hollywood in london. he took it upon himself to assemble a team and make a production company. harry behind the camera, harrison and tuwaine in the films, and tom either starring alongside them or directing. they give so many young actors tons of opportunities.

you eventually went back to work, too. it was like you’d never left, coworkers offering endless hugs and going over what you missed, not that you struggled getting into it. tom was there to celebrate every promotion, every compliment from your boss, every part of your life. jamie was also there, then liam and lucy.

all three of them are running around the house right now, putting on shoes and collecting their supplies for school. you take a sip of the orange juice liam didn’t finish with a lighthearted eye roll. tom chuckles as he passes you in the kitchen, getting the kids’ lunchboxes for them to minimize the chaos.

“you have that pitch meeting today, right?” he slips his hands through the lunchbox handles and walks over to you. “mhm,” you hum, mouth full with juice. his lips press to your temple, giving your waist a one handed squeeze. “you’ll smash it. always do.” “thanks, tommy.” putting down the cup, you reach up to button whatever parts of his shirt he didn’t have time to.

“aren’t you doing a casting? for the new script they sent?” you wonder aloud and smooth down the cotton material. “me and harry. should be interesting,” he remarks, you giving him a quick kiss back on his chin. they tend to have their artistic differences. “good luck with that. you do drop off, i’ll do pick up?” you pat one of the lunchboxes around his arms.

“deal.” tom goes in for a kiss on your lips, then a chorus of dad, we have to go led by jamie rings through the house. with a knowing smile, you push at his chest. “see you later. love you.” “love you, holland,” he bites back a grin of his own. his last name, now yours, suits you perfectly.

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