coffeeadict61

[coffeeadict61]

human crow (late night thoughts)

I am a human crow.

dressed all in black I search for the shiny things.

buttons, nickels, charms, happy memories, pretty camera shots,

I hop around, light on my feet.

I bask in the sun.

I have no thoughts.

my brain is quiet and simple.

dark eyes that show nothing.

thick eyelashes to peer at you through.

dark hair always out of place.

a voice distinct, yet ordinary.

I am a omen of mystery.

quiet in presence.

goofy in solitude.

I am a human crow.

I am content in that.

#smol #crow #3am thoughts #writing #my thougts

[coffeeadict61]

Therapy Journaling & why you should do it.

so I've always been an advocate for journaling but lately I realized that I didn't like how I was always venting, or trauma dumping, or constantly looking back and dwelling on bad memories in my everyday journal.

SO, I went out and bought another journal, this time bigger because I don't need to take it with me anywhere, and I call this my ✨therapy journal✨.

In it I basically have started my healing journey by trying to learn what makes me who I am. In it I can vent about bad memories that I can't let go of, those lightbulb moments when I realized something about myself or about my childhood, etc.

It sounds scary and sometimes it is. I am a very self aware person but its hard to be honest with myself and maybe I don't write for a week or so but I think its good to have a place outside of your mind to keep it all. Especially if you're like me and not in a situation where therapy is an option.

Sometimes I follow prompts, sometimes I write about a memory, sometimes its just about one person in my life. A lot of times its about something I've realized about myself, what it stems from, and who I think taught me that behavior.

I suggest you try it:)

But don't feel pressures to do it a certain way, just be honest and don't avoid hard truths. But also be kind to yourself, abuse and trauma are never a child's fault. It wasn't your fault.

Love you<3

(Sry for the long post)

#childhood trauma #toxic parents #coping #journaling #therapy #mentalhealth #healing journey #self awareness #you can heal

[coffeeadict61]

Yesss! I love this book and I really love the fact that you included the white hair/mustache from the original book by Brom Stroker!!! (that ig got lost when it was adapted for the screen)

🦇

#dracula #literature #horror #art #classic #that book is A TRIP #10/10 reccomend #so much bi panic lol

[coffeeadict61]

Girl's sleepy voices when they just wake up are underrated.

#underrated

[coffeeadict61]

i’m starting to learn that i don't have to react to everything that bothers me, sometimes i just need to breathe, let it go, and keep my peace.

[coffeeadict61]

Enemies to lovers scene idea

bro, like, like bro, what if you have an enemies to lovers couple and she's sitting down talking to a friend after a battle or something and her friend is like

"girl, he likes you. that's why he's always looking out for you"

and the girl is like

"no he doesn't care about me"

while trying to clean her wounds. so the friend goes

"whoa you're bleeding!"

and he, like, runs over and slides so he's kneeling in front of her, inspecting her wounds. he then asks her for consent to touch her (cause that's really hot <3) and she like

"I can do it myself"

and he literally begs her

"please, please let me help you"

I would DIE if someone did that to me!

#writers on tumblr #writing #enemies to lovers #writing prompt

[coffeeadict61]

🔥hot takes🔥

#gilmore girls #jess mariano #dean forester #rory gilmore #jess x rory #rory gilmore vibes #Debate down below:)

[coffeeadict61]

brooo, this freaking boy is taking up 99% of my mind and he don't even know....

#crushing hard #doesn't even know I exist #crush

[coffeeadict61]

Anyone wanna breakdown??

I…I feel like if I had a catastrophic breakdown in front of everyone who hurt me….I'd heal so much.

if I could scream without being interrupted, say everything crowding my head…. if I could throw things with all my might and hear them shatter against the opposite wall…. if I could tell them how the hurt me and that they either do better or I leave… if I could scare them, not hurt them, but scare them….show them I'm not a kid anymore, make them take a few steps back y'know? if I could cry uncontrollably and watch their face go from anger to horror… if i could cuss them out for all it's worth…

I feel like I would feel better. I'd get it all out at once.

I wish I could have a breakdown, cause then they'll have to listen. my pain won't be out if sight out of mind for them anymore.

#vent post #tw vent #toxic parents #healing journey #healing #I'm trying okay?

[coffeeadict61]

[coffeeadict61]

The trouble with knowing

People have told me that the first step of healing is knowing what happened and what it did to you but, like, now I just doubt it was that bad. Being self aware is hard.

Yeah, I am really good at reading people and noticing small changes but that's cause my mom changes on a dime and you're in big trouble if you don't notice. That's why I do that. Thanks for asking.

Or

Yeah, I can get around the house for days without you seeing me which is pretty cool but that's cause my parents are awful to be around when they're stressed and I don't want to be another thing to worry about. But I'm really quiet now so at least I have that...

It just makes it seems insincere....

The things I do seem fine till you learn the experiences that taught me them.

It gives me answers but they seem too bad to have happened to me y'know?

Does anyone else experience this?

Like, a friend asks me how my parents affected me and I just pull out a CVS receipt of trauma responses they taught me for my friend to flip through.

#toxic parents #trauma #healing #the trouble with validation #self doubt

[coffeeadict61]

That feeling after crying

Do y'all know that feeling after you've cried, like really cried, and have pulled yourself together enough to be around people but you feel so vulnerable, fragile, and judged?

While the headache sets in, you have to push yourself to be okay?

Like every emotional wound is marking your body, bleeding tears, and you're terrified that someone will be able to tell just by looking at you?

Or even worse, you break down in front of someone and you're spending every second trying to piece together the mask again so they think you're fine.

Like, oh, I got to steady my voice, and okay now I need to pull the sadness from my eyes, and oh don't forget to make just enough eye contact and maybe they'll stop looking at you like you'll fall apart again.

Yeah its true, but they can't know that.

.....or is that just me?

#sad girl hours #depressing shit #toxic parents #i'm so tired #relatable?

[coffeeadict61]

Study hack📕🕯🖋

So, instead of procrastinating for hours on your phone or doing all the random things you can think of to put off studying, try to ✨productively procrastinate✨. Have to do math and history and literature? Pick the shortest task to get into the studying flow, then pick the longest subject to assure you finish that one, then drag yourself through the last one. Now here's where it gets interesting, instead of being like "after this I gotta do _____." Try thinking, "if I work on this first, I won't have to do _____ yet". (whatever your last task is). Use you're procrastinating spirit to good use.

Also, have water with you cause our generation's far too dehydrated.

#studyblr #academic validation #studying #study motivation #studyspo #study aesthetic #do your homework

[coffeeadict61]

Writing Prompt

Hero stares at their mentor as they try to defend themselves.

Hero: you knew and did nothing?

Mentor: I was young! No one would have believed me! I didn't think they'd actually hurt you!

Mentor steps forward.

Hero steps back.

Mentor: After all I've done for you, you have to forgive me!!

Hero: Forgive you?!

You didn't even try!!

I could forgive someone who failed.

I can't forgive someone who didn't even take that chance.

#writers on tumblr #writing prompt #writeblr

[coffeeadict61]

Why does it have to be visible to be valid?

Trying to share with friends about emotional abusive parents is so hard. like yeah, my mom just does "little things" like gas lighting me after she screamed at me over nothing, never apologizing but instead asking "can we be friends again?" or saying "I'm sorry you took it that way but you overreacting.", like her mocking me crying in a whiney baby voice then looking to me like I should be laughing, like her having me reassure her insecurities then screaming mine back at me in anger. yeah she never hit me, or assaulted me and I don't think she ever will but it's still abuse. It's everyday. But when I spell out the " little things" you still ask me "Is it just that or is there more?" why do you need more than the "little things" for it to be worth listening too?

#toxic parents #you are valid #emotional abuse #i see you and i love you #was that so hard?

[coffeeadict61]

I'm so tired of you gas lighting me then telling me you hate that word

#toxic #toxic parents #toxic behavior #gaslighting #mental health #I'm so tired #venting

[coffeeadict61]

I'm finally dreaming🌌

I've kinda always wanted to be an actress but I never felt I was talented enough or could actually achieve that.

I suck and memorizing, I have dead eyes, and am not socially accepted type of pretty. Because of that I decided to try and be a casting director. (Those who can't do, cast mentality) but I was sitting at my desk the other day and realized something.

I LOVE ACTING and I hate the thought of a desk job. And all those thing holding me back, all those skills that don't come naturally, can all be learned and practised! I can take acting classes, practise memorizing lines, learn to act through my eyes, and who cares if I'm not Hollywood glamorous. I'm still pretty. I can do this.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

Even if its hard and It doesn't come naturally, that doesn't make it impossible. Nothing is impossible.

Let yourself dream till you make it reality.

#dream #acting #actor #self doubt #goals #Ambition #mindset #success #believe in yourself